14/02/02 The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper www.ussu.co.uk Issue no: 1025 FREE Sex On Campus: Society Profile: The Cannabis Barearts: episode 1 Breakdance Debate: Monsters Inc. Everyone’s an expert p3 p13 p5 p11

News In Brief BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS Iran Plane Crash Kills 117 UNIVERSITY One hundred-and-seventeen people were killed on Tuesday when an Iranian passenger plane crashed into snow-covered mountains in the west of the country. Four government officials were among those who perished in the accident. CHIEFS GET 9.3% The Tupolev 154, manufactured in the Soviet Union during the 1970s, disappeared from radar screens while flying from Tehran to Khorramabad. The aircraft, operated by Iran Air was completely destroyed and scattered in pieces across the mountains. PAY RISE The cause of the crash is not known, however the weather in the region has been fair and is only a BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS minor consideration. This is the second time in News & Political Correspondant the past year an Iran Air Tupolev has crashed killing all of its passengers. Last July 143 pas- University bosses received pay rises well sengers were killed when an identical plane above those of their academic and support came down near Irikutsk, Russia. staff in 2000/01, research suggests. The Top Iranian officials have blamed US sanctions Vice-chancellor of the University of for the crash. Under US sanctions, Iran has had Surrey, Patrick Dowling, received an difficulty obtaining spare parts for its ageing above average pay rise of 11.7% on his fleet of Boeing aircraft, forcing it to rely on salary of £153,000 (including benefits in planes leased from the former Soviet Union. kind). Mr Dowling is the 26th highest paid Israel Preparing For Large-Scale Vice-chancellor, remunerated well above the heads of Oxford and Cambridge. Ground Assault After studying the annual reports of 164 The Israeli army has begun a new offensive institutions across the UK, the Times against Palestinian strong-holds in the West Higher Educational Supplement (THES) Bank. In an exchange of fire in the town of found the average rise for vice-chancel- Halhoul on Monday, a Palestinian police officer lors was 9.3% on the previous year - and was killed and a number of activists were arrest- some had received rises of over 50%. ed. Palestinian officials said three buildings had Most of the country's 164 vice-chancellor been destroyed and many civilians have been were paid more than £116,000. Three forced out of their homes. The incursion follows were paid more than £250,000 each. criticism of Israel from the United States and the Levels of pay do not seem to reflect the United Nations for a number of air strikes in academic performance of the universities Gaza - retaliation for what the army said was the or growth in student intake. Palestinians' first use of a new missile with a The former vice-chancellor of the Open capacity to hit coastal cities from the territories. Israeli Defence Minister Benjamin Ben-Eliezer University, Sir John Daniel, topped the and Prime Minister Ariel Sharon are reported to THES league table, with a salary of be considering establishing a new "security £309,000 - a rise of 102%. Academic staff zone" of re-occupied land in Gaza and the West have mostly had a rise of 3% - but hardly Bank to push the rockets out of range. The US is any vice-chancellors have had a rise so "seriously concerned" about the attacks on pop- small. ulated areas. Monday's raid, in which more than "With resources across higher education 50 people were injured, were described by the under extreme pressure, it is difficult not UniS Vice Chancellor, Prof. Patrick Dowling, who recieved an 11.7% pay rise last year US State Department as "counterproductive". to sympathize with poorly-funded teach- The Palestinian leader, Yasser Arafat, who is ing staff and cash-strapped students confined to his headquarters in Ramallah by a £20m total awarded in pay increases they weighed down by loans, who will natural- Extracts from the THES league table of VC Salaries ring of Israeli tanks, says he is unable to act would pay for 1,000 new lecturers and ly be asking how these huge leaps in vice- against Palestinian militants as a result of Israel's academic staff - equivalent to a new medi- 1. Open University £309,000 102.0% chancellors' pay can be justified. Students attacks on his security assets. um-sized university. 2. London Business School £308,000 15.8% are coming out of university with five fig- Baroness Warwick, chief executive of 3. Bristol £252,000 98.4% ure debts, while the people that run the Regulars Universities UK - formerly the Committee 4. Imperial College £242,000 77.9% institutions are presumably accumulating of Vice-Chancellors and Principals - 5. University of East London £189,000 58.8% News 1-3 rather good salaries" said Mr Ince, deputy defended the increases. "Vice-chancellors' Letters 4 editor of the THES. Mr Ince was critical 26. University of Surrey £153,000 11.7% pay is a matter for individual universities. Barearts 8-14 of the fact that many vice-chancellors But, clearly, universities will wish the appeared to award themselves large pay 51. Cambridge £129,000 2.4% Services 18 salaries of their vice-chancellors to reflect rises just before retirement. Sport 20 the fact that they are successfully running The Association of University Teachers 80. Oxford £117,000 24.2% multi-million pound businesses." (AUT) condemned the rises, saying the 133. University of London £92,000 9.5% 2 News 14/02/02

Editorial Team Editor Tristan O’Dwyer No To Fat-Cat VC’s Deputy Editor Richard Watts News and Political Editor Last week brought in fact preside over what are, in effect, branch staff would have to take more responsibility for Vacant us the news that offices of a nationalized industry. their actions. And the saving on the wage bill Music Editor Vice Chancellors Through the funding councils, the government would come in handy." Kevin Marston across the country tells them what to do and how to do it. They are Now although perhaps not all of this is relevant to Film Editor are being awarded hemmed in by guidelines, targets, thresholds and this University it should be pointed out that this is Navroop Sehmi very high pay rises frameworks, subjected to quality reviews and a national problem. Throughout the country fat cat Sports Editor whilst the rest of the audits, and have student numbers and fees dictated VC's are earning record amounts whilst students Dave Chapman Higher Education by head office. Should they try to exercise leader- are falling further into debt and research is being Production Editor system is suffering ship within their institutions, perhaps by proposing under funded. Vacant from cut backs and some different ways of doing things, they can It is also interesting to wonder how our VC, Prof. Features Editor under funding. expect votes of no confidence, rejections by senates Patrick Dowling can justify an increase of 11.7% Vacant The amount that and academic boards and protests from students to whilst the university is having such problems Arts Editor Tristan O’Dwyer some VC's are governors. As a result, few bother, preferring to recruiting students. This is also a time when more Vacant being paid is take the cash and spend their time sitting on more and more services to students are being cut because Editorial absolutely outra- interesting boards of other organizations. the University is having trouble recruiting workers Contributors geous. The editorial Perhaps it is time to recognize the truth and adopt because of low pay. And let us not forget that Jana Kristensen in the Times Higher Education Supplement puts a practice common in continental Europe and not accommodation costs for students on campus are Samantha Stevens across comment on this far more eloquently that I unknown in the United States: appoint a rector or also becoming too high for many. James Buller could, so excuse me for borrowing freely from it… president on a fixed term from among the tenured And the most interesting question is this: If the Michael Chambers "High pay and perks might be justified if vice- faculty and let him or her return to the ranks after a highest pay rises occur in the final year of a VC's Lisa Widdows chancellors were responsible for the success or fail- fixed period. That way, individuals would not be career, how much higher Prof. Dowling's go next ure of major enterprises. But they are not. Thanks damaged if they tried to offer leadership, sleepers year? [email protected] to their and their predecessors' pusillanimity, they could be removed without difficulty and University barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper, pub- lished by the University of Surrey Students' Union Communications Office.

The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors, and do not necessarily represent CONDOLENCES £9 MILLION IN the views of the Editor, the Editorial Board, the University of Surrey Students' Union or the University of Surrey. This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in POUR IN CASH AND part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission of the publisher. All submissions must include the author's name and AFTER DEATH PHONES STOLEN Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication. Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. OF PRINCESS IN MINUTES © USSU Communications Office 2001 Deadline for Publication BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS of affection". BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS Heathrow, then their ought to be Features and Arts: Friday 2pm News and Political Correspondant It is still uncertain whether the News and Political Correspondant some serious questions asked News: Monday 2pm Queen Mother, in her 102nd year, about how we go about security The nation is in mourning after the will be able to attend her daughter's Thieves have got away with more here in the UK". SubmissionOn disk / email in death of Princess Margaret, funeral due to her frail condition. than $6.5Million in cash after a Within hours of the news of the Word 6.0 Format, Text in Times New Countess of Snowdon, who died Palace officials have been dis- raid on a British Airways security raid, Metropolitan Police were Roman, size 9.5 font peacefully in her sleep at the age of cussing the impact the journey vehicle at London Heathrow air- informed that three miles from 71 last Saturday. The Princess, from Sandringham, in Norfolk, to port in the early hours of Monday Heathrow, the UK's biggest barefacts younger sister and only sibling of Windsor would have on the Queen morning. Two Asian men held up mobile phone robbery had taken Union House, a van in a supposedly secure area place the day before. A gang of University Of Surrey the Queen, had been suffering from Mother, who has been bedridden of Terminal 4, escaping in anoth- thieves stole 26,000 Samsung Guildford, ill-health in recent years and had since Christmas due to a series of er vehicle painted in British phones, worth £4.2Million, after Surrey, been confined to a wheelchair since colds. GU2 7XH having a stroke last year. The The Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Airways' livery. The 35-year-old breaking into a warehouse where Princess was rushed to hospital on George Carey, applauded Princess driver of the security van was the alarm system was turned off. Tel: 01483 689275 Friday after suffering another in a Margaret's "great support to Her thrown out of the driving seat on The stolen phones have no SIM Fax: 01483 534749 recent line of strokes. Cardio-vas- Majesty the Queen throughout her to the ground, he was then gagged cards inside them and have been email: [email protected] cular complications developed dur- reign". He was joined by Pope John and tied to the van. The thieves deactivated using international ing the night and The Princess Paul II who hoped the Princess transferred eight red cargo boxes serial numbers programmed into Do you have a complaint passed away at 6.30am with her "would find peace". Many interna- filled with dollars from the secu- each handset, making them against this newspaper? two children, Lady Sarah Chatto tional leaders including the rity van to their smaller vehicle worthless. However, they could If you have a complaint about any item and Viscount Linley, at her side. Presidents of Italy, France, Russia before driving undetected from be reprogrammed illegally and in this newspaper which contains inac- Buckingham palace has announced and the United States, also the airport. The robbery only took sold on the black market, said curacy, harassment, intrusion or dis- that Princess Margaret's funeral expressed their condolences and a few minutes and the van in detectives. Describing the inci- crimination write to our editor about it. will take place this Friday at St. sympathy. Despite the sadness of which they escaped was found dent, Police said "they knew what If you remain dissatisfied please contact Georges chapel, Windsor. Her her death, many who were close to abandoned and burnt out two they were doing and they were the Press Complaints Commission - an funeral will take place exactly fifty Margaret believe death was a mer- miles away in Feltham later in the waiting for the right moment". independant organisation established to years after her father, King George ciful release, and ended her suffer- day. It is understood the money "We are exploring the possibility uphold an editorial Code of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide by VI, was laid to rest in 1952. The ing. Lady Glenconner said "one was flown into Heathrow on a jet that they had inside information, their decision. funeral will be a 'private affair' for could not have really wanted her to from Bahrain and bound for New and could already have had a the royal family. The Prime have gone on. Her quality of life York's JFK airport. The raid has ready market for the phones" Press Complaints Commission Minister has confirmed he will not was not good". Princes Margaret prompted calls for a wide-reach- Police said they were not linking 1 Salisbury Square London EC4Y 8JB be in attendance, but led the nation will be remembered a willfull ing, independent review of secu- the two robberies as they believe Telephone: 020 7353 1248 in tribute to The Princess's life and Princess whose priority was her rity procedures at Heathrow. they would have needed separate, Fax: 020 7353 8351 work. Speaking from Sierra Leone, unbounded loyalty to her sister. Chris Yates, aviation security complex planning. In both cases, Printed by South West Wales he praised her "great deal of serv- May you rest in peace. expert, said "if anyone can simply however security procedures Publications Ltd, ice" to the country, and said she drive through the perimeter and need to be urgently reviewed. Adelaide Street, Swansea would be remembered "with a lot particularly at a major airport like Tel: 01792 510000 14/02/02 3 Drugs cost society GU2 Even Convert-a- Cup £20 Billion Does BY EMMA VAN HUYSSE Greensoc BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS of treatment schemes in the fight against drug News and Political Correspondant abuse. "We know treatment works, for every If you can cast your kind back to Week 2 of pound spent, £3 is saved in criminal justice this semester, and the refreshers fair, you may Drug abuse costs society up to £18.8bn a year costs," said the minister. News! - or more than £300 per person - in England The research estimates drug abuse adds remember the launching of the Convert a Cup PIERS KARSENBARG and Wales, according to new research for the between £3.7bn and £6.8bn to the costs of the recycling project, which was also comprehen- GU2 Head of News Home Office. NHS, criminal justice system and state bene- sively covered in Barefacts. In case you The figure, which is far higher than previous fits. The rest of the drugs bill comes from missed it, the gist of the scheme is to recycle estimates, includes the costs of crime, social "social costs", it says, explaining these are Ever wanted to be on the radio but didn't plastic vending machine cups - the beige security and bringing drugs offenders to jus- mainly costs of crime to its victims. necessarily want to become a DJ? Are you coloured ones from the Klix hot drink tice, as well as the bill to the NHS. The overwhelming majority of that bill - 99% interested in current affairs? Ever thought of machines found around campus. Once saved Home Office Minister Bob Ainsworth - is run up by problem users who rely on drugs reading the news? At the moment, GU2 is and collected they are shredded down and used revealed the figures as he told a committee of in their lives and each costs around £11,000 a recruiting people to join its dedicated news as a substitute polymer in a variety of different MPs the government needed to focus its year. Home Secretary David Blunkett has said team. Whether you fancy reading the news functions efforts against Class A drugs like heroin and he wants to reclassify cannabis from class B to on air, compiling press-releases for the DJs, There are now 10 Beca-Bins located at five cocaine. class C as part of the drive to free up resources or just wandering round campus with a different sites at the University; A new report by the University of York puts to tackle harder drugs. However there is no MiniDisc finding out students' views on 2 bins in Austen Pearce the overall price of drugs to society at between evidence to suggest that such a move would today's issues. Then e-mail 3 bins in the lecture theatre £10.9bn and £18.8bn (figures for England and not worsen the situation and lead to more [email protected] for more information, or 1 bin in the Union next to the vending machine Wales). Mr Ainsworth stressed the importance addicts. just drop into the studio underneath in just around from the reception area Battersea and Surrey court reception and 2 bins in the sports hall leave your name and phone number for one 2 in the Teaching block of the team to contact you. Please support his project by using the bins The Missing Link wherever possible. If you would like more information on any aspect of Convert a Cup, or BY DANNY DIXON events. Coming up in the future we will be a free recycled vending cup pencil (!), please continuing to provide cover on the campus, Tonnie contact me, Emma, via my pigeon hole St. John Ambulance LINKS Society are on as well as at events such as the London (Ethical and Environmental Officer), through the lookout for new members… Marathon, London to Brighton Bike Ride, Greensoc, or by email to If somebody collapsed in front of you and and Banger Racing Events. In 2001 we did Nominated [email protected]. It is easy to Convert a there was no one else around, would you over 750 hours on duty, and we intend to Cup! know what to do? This was the question increase that amount in 2002. posed to a group of new recruits at the It's not all about training and duties though. For beginning of last semester, and the answers We have also spent a fair bit of time social- ranged from "run away and hide" to sugges- ising. In addition to social time whilst on Disciplinary tions which would keep the entire cast of duty, and going to the pub after our weekly International Casualty busy for weeks. meetings, we have also been ice-skating, Now however, just four months later, all seen a Christmas panto, and had a quiz night Procedure that has changed. LINKS members have had / Christmas party. Film Award the opportunity to participate in a number of So, what's in store for the future? In addi- training courses, including Essential Care tion to the duties mentioned earlier, we will BY TRISTAN O'DWYER Failings Skills (how to care for a casualty), Manual be offering more training courses such as Editor Handling (how to move people and equip- Casualty Handling and AED (Automated ment safely), First Aid at Work (a compre- External Defibrillator - the buzzy heart Surrey Tonnmeister student, James Bellamy, Highlighted hensive first aid course) and Radio thing used in Casualty and ER), as well as and recent graduate Tony Lewis have both BY TRISTAN O’DWYER Communications (how to use a portable another First Aid at Work course. We will been nominated for two films in the 49th Editor handheld radio correctly). also be doing more social activities, such as annual Motion Picture Sound Editors (MPSE) Having a larger number of fully trained going bowling. For more information about Awards. A situation has recently come to light that members means we have been able to any of our courses or activities, please con- The MPSE is an organisation for profession- highlights the inadequacy of the Union’s dis- increase the number of 'duties' we do (where tact Joanne Payne on [email protected]. al sound and music editors working in film ciplinary procedure when dealing with issues we provide first aid cover for organisations So, if you're looking for something to do and television. relating to sabbaticals. and events). As well as continuing to pro- on Tuesday nights between 7.30pm and James was nominated for the "Best Sound The Union constitution, a document that sets vide cover for FNO at the Union (every 9.30pm, then come along to TB11 to find Editing, Music, Musical Feature Film" for out how the Union is run, describes a discipli- Friday night from 10pm onwards in the out more about what we do, have some fun, work he carried out during his placement year nary procedure along with who would consti- Grant Mitchell Room), we have covered the and learn how to save somebody's life. You working on Lucky Break, a Channel Four and tute a disciplinary committee. However, what NUS Grants Rally, the National could be one of the missing LINKS we are Paramount Film, and Captain Correlli's is unclear is what constitutes an offence to be Trampolining Championships at looking for! Mandolin, a Working Title Film. They have dealt with, and whether Sabbaticals, as well as CampusSport, and various other 'on campus' been nominated along side such films as students, are to be dealt with this way. The Moulin Rouge, Save The Last Dance and Union Club also has a staff handbook, which Rock Star. sets out rules on disciplining staff with a for- James, who has just finished directing this mal procedure. Warnings issued under this USSU DJ To Compete years MadSoc production of Cabaret, spent a procedure would need to be confirmed in year working for Andy Glenn, who was also writing after a formal interview with the nominated, and towards the end of his year Union General Manager. In this case no prop- became increasingly involved into music er procedures were followed when an issue At MoS Final editing. He is interested in pursuing a career arose relating to a Sabbatical officer’s conduct in film music once he graduates. relating to access of inappropriate material on As some of you will know, Surrey student all styles of DJ he came third, booking him- When asked to comment on the awards he office computers, although it is possible that Tim Dingley recently won the regional heats self a place in the national final and stands to said "obviously an award like this will look Sabbaticals are not bound by the handbook, as of the NUS ents / red decksandefx dj com- compete against seven other DJ's at the good on my CV! I'm very excited, particular- they are members of Union staff, not Union petition with his own blend of progressive Ministry Of Sound in London on the 27th ly to see that we've been nominated alongside Club staff. house and trance. In winning this he pro- Feb. Anyone that wishes to see the skills that such films as Moulin Rouge." With the Union's constitution currently under gressed to the national semi-final that was got him through to the final can see him DJ The award ceremony will be held in review there will no doubt be calls to clarify held last Friday at the University of on Saturday 23rd February upstairs in the California on March the 23rd. When asked if the disciplinary procedure for members of Hertfordshire in Hatfield. Competing against main union for the cigars and good living he was attending James said he would… if the Union staff in order to make them more students from all over the country including club classics extravaganza. film company paid! accountable to the union membership. 4 The Page of Several Letters... and a Poem! 14/02/02 Sex on Campus: episode 1 - “Destined to be single”

In a departure from the weekly weirdness that is Life After a good degree, but that's the only infection I will pick up in don't pretend to be the "couplers". As all single loners like me The Womb we bring you something else... Sex On Guildford. It gets worse. I can no longer go up to people in the acknowledge, it's the bloody "couplers" who pretend to be "sin- union and say "be my friend" (this isn't fresher week) without glers". It is them who think its okay to chat us up, buy us drinks, Campus, by Alex Callice. them walking off or calling me a sad perve. pretend they want us, when really all they are doing is playing Don’t worry though, Rich W’s strangeness will return I think I have transitioned into not only being single, but also an the field. Now I am not saying that all couplers are liars, every other week (can I just say that in no way am I weird overnight agony aunt. Yes all my "coupled, happy" friends feel cheaters, dirty low lying scum of the earth. I'm just saying the or strange - merely misunderstood - Rich W) that I am infact no longer Alex, but Claire bloody "with wings" majority are. Come on people if being single is so shit, and (yes you are - Tris) Rainer. Why is it that couples who use a mutual friend to slag being coupled is so great then why the hell do "couplers" want (No I’m not - Rich) each other off haven't quite realised that the other half is doing to chat up "singlers" so much. Oh yeah wait for it " couplers" its (Oh yes you are -Tris) it too? Just because I am single and haven't quite managed to not okay to say (once you've had your fun) " I am sorry, you got (No I bloody well am not, mr pantomime man - Rich) meet the right person, I do still have urges and needs (be they hold of the wrong side of the stick, I think your great (we sin- (He’s behind you! - Mr Pantomime Man) relieved with a well exercised right hand). Does being single glers are of course), but ……………( wait for somehow mean that I have morphed into a huge vacuum of it)……………………………….( it's com- Yes, as you can tell I am single. Very single! I swear even my other people's emotion, sorry the " couplies" emotion? No I ing)…………………..( it's here)…………………I like you as a arms don't want to be coupled with my legs, and well my stom- don't think so. The other day I was set up on a blind date, my friend and nothing more". Don't you just hate those words. The ach moves in completely different direction to my body anyway. god I am only 23 (that's too young for this sort of behaviour). word "friend" in that use just means "you stupid little ugly idiot, I am talking about the fact that I am not coupled to anyone. I am What's worse, it was in Chancellors (god I hate that place!) you are a sad desperate loner, who I wouldn't go out with even that sad person who perves on everything but pulls nothing. You Anyway the date went well and the other "singler" was funny if the second last person on earth was a blow up". I think we are now the sort, thinks he is gods gift to everything, could pull and cute. I even thought "my god, I am on to something". The stupid! We should never have got hold of "that end of the stick". everything, when actually he pulls nothing. That's me alright, magic pulling pants were working wonders (don't laugh we all We should've got hold of all of it and used it to beat the crap out and if that's not sad enough the whole said affair gets exagger- have them). Until the singler turned out to be a coupler that is. of CRONIC COUPLERS. I am not saying that it's bad to date or ated and shoved down my throat every time I go to the union. For pity's sake, is it too much to ask that your date be single! whatever with loads of people, just don't pretend it's anything Couples everywhere. Even the people who look single are a Come on how do you think I feel, not only am I sad enough to else. We singlers don't like having to turn into manically couple. Even the couples are quadroupled. Even the singles are go on a blind date but I even sat there falling in love with a very obsessed stalkers. Oh I think I have made my point clear. Until in transition to yet another relationship, where as I am the one attached person. That's sad. The pulling pants are obviously very Sex on Campus, episode 2. I'll say goodbye. going nowhere very fast and well come on lets admit it, will get knackered. But for goodness sake, as all singlers will know, we Alex Callice.

Letters must be received by 5pm on the Letters to the Editor Friday before publication to guarentee their presence in the next newspaper. So there.

Hiya, when the library is full of students, staff and Dear Barefacts, readers who are not so confident of doing so CCTV (and it is the library, of all places) you might like to consider self-defence lessons. After reading the letter on page four of last think that this is the last place that it could hap- I would like to make you aware of an incident As it was, we came off with one of the girls week’s issue of Barefacts (07/02/02) about the pen. Luckily the library staff advised me to go that occured on Friday night. Whilst walking having mild concussion and the ability to low life scum stealing money from a student’s to security because I was getting ready to hunt to the wonderous nightspot that is the union joke about the incident (a couple of days account I felt compelled to write in. As a final down the monster. I feel that I must apologise via the Southway underpass, two girls later!). If our attacker had had a knife this year student I have found myself in the library to thge guy sitting near me at the time because and a guy from our mixed group of 6 where might have had a far more severe outcome. almost every day, working my little cotton he must have thought that he was on trial for beaten up. Sadly we did not arrive at the socks off. Frankly I would call it my second murder the way I was going at him (found out union for an evening of merriment, however, This is also an additional incident to add to home if it wasn’t for the pub across the road later that the regular shifty character was as we spent the evening in casualty! the many calls over the past few years for from my house, but since thursday it deosn’t hanging around campus that night.) better lighting or even a security presence in seem so homely. Well, I had a nice chat with the guys at secu- I'd really appreciate it if you could bring this this area, as campaigned for by our student Yes, there I am working away in one of the rity and realised how difficult it is for them to incident to the attention of barefacts readers welfare officer Lisa Widdows following a little quiet rooms they have scattered around do anything about it in those situations. as this is the sort of thing everyone should be sexual assault there two years ago. the library, and silly me thought it would be ok Surely it’s about time to introduce measures aware of. If a group of 6 people was a target to leave my bag in there and search for a book. to keep such people out of the library and other on this occasion, smaller groups or lone Ta muchly, Well, I was certainly proved wrong because buildings? - before something serious happens walkers might want to think twice about the some good for nothing miscreant came into the similar to that at the Union. route they take, or arrange to go in larger Name and address supplied room and nicked my purse. To be honest I’m Anyway, my message to you all is don’t leave numbers. We managed to fight him off, but surprised the cretin even knew where to find anything valuable unattended wherever you my purse because he obviously doesn’t have are on campus. Let’s put an end to these crim- the brains to gt a job and earn some money for inal “shopping sprees”. Dear BF Music, REVIEWER’S REPLY himself, never mind knowing that stealing is a Yours sincerely, crime. I am writing to comment on last week’s cap- It is refreshing to receive news that someone You may be thinking that it’s me that is the Amy tivating album review by Rich W of 'We Are has enjoyed one of the music reviews that are cretin for leaving the bag unattended, but Marrow Stealers' by The One Legged included in this publication. The purpose of Prostitutes. I caught a live performance by the such articles and sections is to inform of band a couple of weeks ago at the Dog And releases and other such things that may inter- Dear Barefacts Handgun in Peckham and was most est the record-buying public and so to be con- impressed by their combination of energetic tacted and praised is a welcome experience. I have a gripe (although a relatively unimportant one, admittedly) - Why isn't there a path along banjo-bashing and kazoo-injected pop Obviously, we cannot please all readers and the side of the road between Twyford and car park 3 Bus stop/AP?? The last few weeks of wet melodies about lost love and egotistical llama some subjects of our reviews might not be to weather mean if you try to walk along the grass verge you sink in mud up to your knees, and salesmen. The band were actually a bunch of everyone’s liking - indeed, the general area when walking along the road there is the danger of being run over, and I'm sure drivers curse nice guys too - not only were they willing to that is being considered is often called into pedestrians for walking in the road (I know i would). I suppose the 'powers that be' are not discuss outdoor pursuits shops and their question - but we try to do the best we can aware of the need for this path, as it would only be most beneficial to fellow Twyfordians, but I interesting range of weatherproof wear, but with the materials that are sent to us by vari- have seen lots of poeple walking along the road, especially at weekends. Perhaps no-one has they also found the time to mingle with the ous record companies/marketing departments ever thought a path necessary in this spot! So someone please think about it! crowd for a few drip-tray-filled pints after the etc. etc. show. With specific reference to the One Legged S. So, imagine my surprise when I opened your Prostitutes, I too have been a fan for quite newspaper and saw their debut album gracing some time now. I recall first hearing them on When I was younger, my mum used to make As it is, we now have the internet and along the pages of your music section (and receiv- Radio 2 some time ago, with a quite fabulous me sit down and practsie my joined-up hand- with it the wonderous invention known as e- ing a blinding 9/10). I was wondering how I acoustic rendition of “Sitting On A Stick writing. For hours, she’d write out sentances mail, so do a deed for the day (be it good or might go about obtaining one of those "limit- Could Be A Hazardous Occupation”, and and make me copy it, word for word, on the bad) and let us know about something you are ed edition" copies, and whether the track-list- have always looked forward to any new sentance underneath until it looked really passionate about... ing contains the amazing first single (and live material the guys might be bringing out. Rest good and legible. I think she was trying to favourite) 'Gandalf Gave Me Herpes', since assured, as soon as we receive any more stuff, teach me the art of letter writing. The fact [email protected] this would definitely be a deal-breaker. we will let you all know. that she went about it in the wrong way mat- Yours, Yours in One-Legged-Prostitution, ters little - the thought was there. You know you want to. An avid fan. Rich W 14/02/02 Feature 5 The Cannabis Debate: Everyone’s An Expert!

By S. O. Ware. effects are detrimental. As ulated to allow this. for depression (I haven't To finish, at the heart of the drug (including The main reason that I have written this come into contact with this hard drugs) debate is the moral question: to article is in response to a 'Vox Pop' article aspect personally), this will what degree should the state have authority featured in Bare Facts last semester asking also be the result of exces- to protect the individual from harming them- students for their opinion on the reclassifi- sive use, and I can guaran- selves. John Stuart Mill, in his essay 'On cation of cannabis to a class C drug, and tee if you go out on the piss Liberty' eloquently worded the argument as whether they considered cannabis to be a every night and get ham- follows: 'gateway' drug. In my opinion this was a mered, depressive episodes The only purpose for which power can be pointless exercise due to the fact that none will accompany this as rightfully exercised over any member of a of those asked seemed to have a clue as to well. To use an extreme civilised community, against his will, is to what they were talking about and were example (and a stupid one prevent harm to others. His own good, either clearly misinformed in those views they did at that), but one I feel gets physical or moral, is not a sufficient warrant. express. the point across, it is like He cannot be rightfully compelled to do or To answer the latter question: Is cannabis a arguing that with the forbear because it will be better for him to do 'gateway' drug? The answer is simply no. increase in obesity and its so, because it will make him happier, There is no evidence to suggest that smok- associated health risks the because, in the opinions of others, to do so ing cannabis increases the likelihood of tak- government should imple- would be wise, or even right. These are good ing harder drugs in the future. The common ment a ban on fatty foods. reasons for remonstrating with him, or rea- mistake made on this issue is the fact that The point I am trying to soning with him, or persuading him, or there is a link in as far as those who take make is that it is not the entreating him, but not for compelling him, hard drugs are likely to have smoked fatty foods that cause the or visiting him with any evil if he do other- cannabis beforehand. In my opinion this is problem, it is their exces- wise. Over himself, over his own body and an obvious relationship. Of course if you sive consumption, and the mind the individual is sovereign. take hard drugs you are likely to prospect of banning these This is fundamental to the debate and there smoke/have smoked cannabis (especially as foods is of course ridicu- are a number of valid arguments as to why it lessens the associated come-downs), just lous. The realistic and most not just cannabis, but harder drugs such as as you are likely to have drunk alcohol, effective action is to edu- crack and heroin, should possibly be legal- smoked cigarettes or experimented with sol- not the drug, but the person taking it, that will cate people on eating a healthy diet and teach ized, I may write about these in the future. vents in your youth. The person who takes determine whether any 'gateway' to harder them to restrict their consumption of fatty I hope that this has been a reasonably hard drugs is the person who takes risks, gets drugs is opened. To further this point, the foods. This, in my opinion is also the best informative article and although I have pleasure from intoxication and does not con- person who will go on to take hard drugs way to deal with cannabis consumption. It is argued in favour of cannabis I am in no way sider the effects to their body and mind as too (with their aforementioned personality char- not cannabis in itself that is the cause of the trying to persuade you that this is the right detrimental. On the other hand, cannabis in acteristics) is the person that will get hold of problem, but the lack of sensible advice. An approach to take (well I've got to say that itself is regarded as a 'soft' and relatively cannabis, legal or not. occasional smoke, or even on a relatively really!!). In essence I have read little of the harmless drug. I have met numerous people In regard to the point made about the 'men- regular basis will cause no noticeable harm. vast amounts of literature surrounding this who will smoke cannabis but absolutely tal repercussions' that may result from the With the ever increasing rate of alcohol topic, however that which I have read has never consider touching harder drugs, just as smoking of cannabis, has this person got any abuse it may even do some good for people formulated this opinion. To be honest I quite I have met numerous people who will smoke idea of what they are talking about? In com- to have a smoke every so often and give their like the illegality of cannabis, as it sustains cannabis with as much complacency as they parison to other drugs (including alcohol) livers a break. the subculture surrounding it, and to be real- will take hard drugs; no-one I know that who cannabis is relatively harmless. As with any Without wanting to go too much into the istic the criminality of it isn't really much of takes hard drugs would ever suggest that it intoxicant there are associated harms, the fact usual old arguments there is the point that the a factor (at least not to me and those I know was the result of smoking cannabis. As a that cannabis on large is smoked means that social factors associated with smoking who smoke it). If you agree or disagree with stronger argument there are also a number of there are the associated cancer risks and there cannabis are a lot more desirable than those this article please write in and state your rea- people dedicated to a healthy lifestyle, who is evidence suggesting that it may cause of drinking alcohol; no-one puking on the sons why. We really want some feedback. go to the gym regularly, never smoke and short-term memory loss. However, these are streets; no-one getting violent or abusive; only occasionally drink, who will however, associated with excessive use, and as with and no-one turning up to work/college with on occasion consume cannabis orally. It is anything taken to excess, good or bad, the dirty hangovers. In this sense it is also a lot safer. Getting hammered on alcohol is a lot more dangerous in that you can get alcoholic poisoning and are far more likely to injure yourself or others - how many times have you blamed dangerous or stupid acts on being drunk? You can't really use this excuse when stoned. Also, however battered you get on cannabis, the worst that is going to happen is that you throw the 'whiteys' and feel a bit sick; after a sleep you're back to normal. To all those who feel anxious at the prospect of cannabis legalisation, you need not worry. There is no chance that this will happen for a long time due to the fact that Britain along with a number of other countries signed the United Nations convention of 1988, which prevents the legalisation of possession and trade in cannabis; although Amsterdam is proof that the law can be, to a degree, manip- This Week:

MadSoc Cabaret Review Single of the Week: Nickelback Album of the Week: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club 14/02/02 Single Reviews 7

euphoric, but at the same time inti- NICKELBACK mate, dark and experimental. Minor How You Remind Me (Roadrunner Records) SINGLE OF THE WEEK SINGLES chords a-plenty here. This is the sort of music that would sound great live As the genre becomes more and more polluted with dire ‘nu-metal’ outfits, this straight-ahead THE BETA BAND in a small smoky venue. Great. 8/10 A.W. rock anthem reminds us of how good music Squares (Infected) can be. Sounding almost retro and simultane- ously refreshing, Nickelback tread a similar This was originally to be released A Nothing (London) path to Staind with an infectious tune, soulful during the middle of last year but the lyrics and even a hint of the blues. The single sample of ‘Daydream’ by the is enhanced further by the inclusion of an Gunther Kallmann Choir was used The band with the least internet search-friendly name return with a acoustic rendition of a contemporary classic. by I Monster in their inferior version 9/10 M.R. released as ‘Daydream in blue’. It’s a blistering punk-pop anthem that’s laid-back, down-tempo fusion of every bit as good as such gems as shuffling beats and dazed rock ‘Bad Idea’ and ‘Old Folks’. Jason shapes held brilliantly together by Farell’s distinctively nasal voice the vocals of Steve Mason. Much compliments perfectly the power- ‘beta’ than I Monster. 8/10 J.S. chord-feast that even the bleepy bits SPEK attempt to hitch a lift on the new paniment to the saxophone and bor- reminiscent of some disgusting Smell The Coffee (The Echo acoustic movement, but lacks the derline-dance beats. Who am I trying DILATED PEOPLES Christina Aguimalaria monstrosity Label) punch to make it stand out. 6/10 to kid? This is more a charade than a Worst Comes To Worst (Capitol) cannot detract from. Extrovert, P.G.S. song. Hello everyone it’s OK to have quirky, amusing and always easy to ‘Smell The Coffee’ is a strangely the blues, as long as it’s a foil to a Taken from the Californian’s find in the record store, A are good catchy track that has a style crises SIMIAN dance beat. Mental? Probably. 6/10 ‘Expansion Team’ album, this has a wholesome family fun. Enjoy. 7/10 using hip – hop, chilled, rap and pop Mr. Crow (Source) A.R. downbeat feel but it’s still a brilliant M.F. influences. SPEK’S own vocals are old skool hip-hop cut. From the Ms. eclipsed with pop beats and commer- “Hey Mr. Crow, why are you always NELLY FURTADO Jackson-esque intro you know this is DEPECHE MODE cial scratching. A ’Spooks’ re – mix stoned?” sounds like it comes from a **** On The Radio (Dreamworks) going to go off in a big way and the Goodnight lovers (EMI) of this track gives it a complete band that have been indulging slight- sharp lyrics, laid-back string loops make-over turning it into a soul hop ly themselves. The songs are Well we all know what that means, and sublime turntablism certainly As a huge Depeche Mode fan I knew sound that has more direction than dreamy, slightly off the wall guitar don’t we? Rather than shit on the don’t disappoint. With some classic that it would be impossible to give a the original. Both tracks offer a dif- pop. The title track of this album radio, Nelly Furtado has taken over rap lyrics, “We raise the bar/and put truly objective review of this single. ferent insight into the mad mayhem sampler is slightly on the irritating the airwaves since her first single side, and you wonder why it was ‘Fly Like A Bird’ hit our shores last SIX BY SEVEN chosen as the leading song. The year (and it had been stateside a long I.O.U. Love (Mantra) Recommended band sound like a cross between time before that). This is more of ELO and the Super Furry Animals, what you would expect from the The moment this song starts up with its snappy drum with a touch of Belle and Sebastian Canadian singer-songwriter: melodi- beat you know that it’s going to be good. Like a lot of thrown in for good measure. ous, catchy pop music. Nothing that Six By Seven’s material it manages to get the right mix ‘Something New’ is a nice jangly hasn’t been done before, but done between mellow and melancholy. The use of the organ guitar tune that breaks down into well. 5/10 A.W. does remind you of what The Charlatans were doing a confusion that would have been wor- few years ago, but when the song switches to a more thy of a place on SFA’s ‘Fuzzy RHYTHM MASTERS aggressive sound it’s superb. Best with the volume Logic’. Not quite done with the Ghetto (Black and Blue) cranked up to the max. 9/10 P.G.S. style of the Welsh eccentrics, but this is still pretty cool. Other tracks, This single features four mixes and including ‘Queen May’ are also psy- therefore four different attempts to chedelic and experimental. You try and rescue one of the worst it in your ear no matter who you are” couldn’t call Simian boring, which house vocals in recent memory. Or, they know it too, and the current air- But sadly I must admit that this that is an effective mixture. 6/10 has got to be a positive thing. is it the same vocal trying to save play should bring the sounds of a doesn’t come close to the good old M.B. Promising. 6/10 A.W. four of the worst mixes in recent band dusted with genius to wider Depeche. ‘Goodnight lovers’ works memory. Either way, this is not a audiences. 8/10 M.F. really well on the album, but on it’s MAXIMILIAN HECKER LLORCA WITH NICOLE GRA- recommended purchase. 2/10 M.R. own it gets a bit boring. As a love Polyester (Kitty Yo) HAM AC ACOUSTICS song, track two; an acoustic version Indigo Blues (F Com) This week’s reviews by 16 4 2010 (Cooking Vinyl) of ‘When the body speaks’, is much At first this track is sounds a little Kevin Marston, Andy Smith, Peter G better. The single also includes dull. Slightly whiny vocals quietly Think Jazz; think beatniks, black Smith ( I haven’t got BRMC), Alex This is the first single taken from AC remixes of ‘Dead of Night’ and accompanied by an organ, but when turtleneck jumpers, clicked fingers Read, Matt Badcock, Anna Wheeler, Acoustics second album ‘O’, due out ‘Goodnight lovers’. 7/10 J.K. the acoustic guitar, bass and drums and the Fast Show – Nice. ‘Indigo Mark Richards, Michael Field, Jana soon. It proves that Scottish guitar join in, it does pick up slightly by Blues’ is an up tempo jazz/blues Kristensens, Jonathan Swarbrick & music is still vital and, most impor- crossing over into a pleasant, laid- number. Nicole Graham’s voice is a for those who didn’t send in their tantly, it still rocks. ‘16 4 2010’ is back lament. Overall, a decent near perfect, velvety smooth accom reviews see below. Orange Tour Returns Valentine Choons Duncan Hills - Especially For You by Kylie This friday night the Orange Tour returns to and Jason the Union with their one and only display of Oz - Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie gadgetry, lights, and sound system. Last year Tyler saw Orange convert the union into a new Rich Watts - She’s Like The Wind by Patrick dimension with new floors and ceilings that Swayze literally brought the crowd to their knees. Not only that but with The Freestylers playing in Top Ten Valentine Tunes the union with their blend of old skool tunes 1. No Doubt - Don’t Speak and breakdancing kickin off in every direction 2. Burt Bacharach - Just The Two of Us it was one of the best nights of the year. This 3.Radiohead - Exit Music (For Film) is one of the nights not to be missed at the 4.Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight Union especially when you have the likes of 5.Robbie Williams - Angels DJ Touche (Wiseguys) and Cut La Roc (Skint) 6.Oasis - Wonderwall djing. So come on down and get into the 7.Leanne Rimes - Orange vibe.....you won’t be disappointed. 8.Whitney Houston - I will always love you 9.Blur - No Distance Left to Run 10. Britney Spears - Baby Hit Me One More Time Albums 10 14/02/02

BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB smiths The Notwist; their sixth LP to B.R.M.C. (Virgin Records) ALBUMS date, and on the rather nifty City ALBUM OF THE WEEK Slang label too. At first, ‘Neon The recent ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll’ revival has unleashed Golden’ may seem like a challenging FABRIC LIVE 02 some quality bands with San Francisco’s B.R.M.C. listen, but one’s efforts are certainly Ali B (Fabric) not an exception being up there as one of the rewarded; ten tracks of fragile beauty, hottest new bands around. With all the hype there wrapped beneath a blanket of frosty With the ever increasing popularity is no getting away from the brilliance in writing mist. ‘Solitaire’ and ‘One Step Inside of Fabric and the wave of new alter- and execution of one endless track after another. Doesn’t Mean You Understand’ man- native dance freaks the guys behind Guitar ridden melodies are a mark of this album age create an amazing sense of isola- the scenes have decicded to unleash with each track crafted into an individual gem. tion, whereas the crisp drum-loops the awe inspiring, eye popping tunes ‘Love Burns’ is the opener that starts off slow then and scrambled samples on ‘This that make Fabric what it is to the picks up pace to climax at an ear-pleasing chorus. Room’ would be suitable additions to dance fraternity. This time around The debut single ‘What Ever Happened To My Radiohead’s ‘Kid A’. ‘Neon Golden’ it’s Ali B turn with his funk fuelled Rock ‘N’ Roll’ stands high as a classic piece that may seem like an outcast in a world breakbeats sounds from the US and uses controlled accompanies and echo style vocals dominated by Nu-Metal, but it brave- the UK’s systems to unnerve the which are fresh but familiar. Later on in the ly establishes itself as soothing treat- home settings of ones stereo and liv- album more moodier songs are stamped by deep ment for those guitar-battered brains ing room floors. With tracks like felt vocals and if only Black Rebel Motorcycle in need of a massage. 7/10 A.T.S. PMT’s ‘Gyromancer’, DJ Icey’s Club had released this a year ago then it may have ‘Surreal’, and Plump DJ’s ‘Big been “who’s this band that are a mellow version of TANYA DONELLY Groovy Fucker’ its no wonder that B.R.M.C? Oh, The Strokes”. 9/10 M.B. the Fabric crowd keeps on going. Beautysleep (4AD) Utterly fantastic….8/10 K.M. On ‘Beautysleep’, the former album since going solo in 1997 with you don’t pay attention to the lyrics, song on ‘First Offence’, the 1995 THE NOTWIST Throwing Muses/Belly frontwoman ‘Lovesongs for Underdogs’ and it’s impossible to ignore the com- album. The re-release features Neon Golden (City Slang) Tanya Donelly sings about dreams although this isn’t a bad record, I plete and utterly meaningless thread bonus alternative mixes, live studio and thanks Mr Sandman. All right, doubt anyone will notice it. Why that goes through the whole album. recordings and demos, as well as the Now, here’s a strange little record; a so it’s Mark Sandman from 4AD proudly writes that Donelly has As in the album’s so-called “rocki- all important multi-media video. mixture of Indie pop and experimen- Morphine, but still -if you ask me, written all the songs herself is est” moment: “This world is a wrap- Tunes like Restart (Acts 1 and 2) just tal electronica from Bavarian song that says quite a lot about the album. beyond me. Although ‘The Storm’ around skirt, this world is a wrap- pass you by in a blur of punk speed, ‘Beautysleep’ is Donelly’s first and ‘Keeping You’ are good tracks if around skirt, and I’m gonna throw it but others like ‘Nobody Like You’ off, I’m gonna throw it off”. 6/10 and ‘Alien Spawn’ actually have THE SOUNDTRACK OF OUR LIVES J.K. tunes (!), humour, and sensitivity as Behind The Music (WEA) RECOMMENDED the band tackle issues such as KING PRAWN racism. The re-release of ‘Fried In Cuts, flows, breaks, blows; these are all excellent First Offence/Fried in London London’ (originally released in words, unfortunately they have no relevance whatsoev- (Moon Ska Europe) 1998) also contains bonus tracks in er when describing this album. There’s a lot of history the form of demos. The sound is here; some of the band had success as members of the These are re-releases of the record- slightly more rockin’ than ‘First Kurt Cobain endorsed Union Carbide Productions. It ings by the ska punk rockers. Offence’, but characteristic punk may be a bit overly polished for some in the current Imagine Green Day crossed with trademarks and raw power are still Strokes/Hives climate; I love a bit of variety though. If Coventry’s finest The Specials, with apparent. The style is just more you want categorisation and hey don’t us Brits just love tunes that occasionally even have a refined. ‘Survivor’ in particular is to categorise? This is alt-rock with groove and an occa- message. It all adds up to a mish- fantastic. I’m sure this lot would be sionally relaxed edge. On a couple of songs I found mash of musical styles and influ- an interesting proposition live. So myself thinking where have I heard that before? ences. “Bullshit on the pages of the maybe ska-punk can work after all. Analyse that two ways: they’re ripping people off or Melody Maker” is just part of the Both 5/10 A.W. they know what’s catchy. Anyway the point of this record company and media angst meandering, question littered and now boringly defunct that exists throughout both albums, review is: The Soundtrack of Our Lives are a tight this lyric from ‘Boxed and alternative band with plenty in the locker. Check it. Packaged’, a cool industry dissing Live

HEY BOYS, NO HEY BABY new generation of ska r'n'b to hit the shores. and offer gifts and invitations to whose knows one thing that will stay in my mind however, The tension in the building is without a doubt what and with that in mind the band hit of is a certain blonde haired girl in leopard like NO DOUBT exhilarating and with Gwen Stefani's beau with 'Hella Good' the first new track from trousers playing on her girl like persona and The Scala, London freely wandering the place, the girls are in a their fifth album 'Rock Steady'. 'New', Ex-girl- flirtatious nature. Wonderful Kevin Marston 23rd January 2002 state of excitement. But that is nothing com- friend', and 'Don't Speak' are some of the high- pared to what greets No Doubt and Gwen lights tonight but it is there new stuff that Tonight, The Scala is packed with ska punkers Stefani, the crowd turns into something not catches the imagination and the riotous nature and r'n'b enthusiasts awaiting the arrival of the much dissimilar to the days of Jason Donovan of the crowd with 'Hey Baby' encapsulating gigs. Boys and girls scream out Gwen's name the poging and joyful state of the event. The 14/02/02 Art & Film 11 What's on? CABARET - MaDSoc Does It Again! Guildford's Yvonne Arnaud Theatre - February: BY SORREL TRENCHARD have it ripped from them by forces out of their control. Herr Schultz (Chris Watson) and Fraulein Schneider (Rachel The Cavalcaders, Monday 11th - Saturday 16th After the "hugely successful and funny pantomime" 'Sinderz' Hackett) made the most loveable and endearing couple. Ernst Written by Billy Roche and directed by Robin Lefevre, this is a last December, everyone was waiting to see what the Music and Ludwig (Bernhard Warr) made a delightfully deceptive friend poignant yet humorous story of three generations of Barbershop Drama (Mad) Society would do next. Last week, those lucky turned evil Nazi. Robert Houston gave a splendid performance singers who spend their evenings singing together as a barber- enough to get tickets to see Cabaret at the Electric Theatre as the magnificently sinister Emcee and as for Fraulein Kost shop quartet. This is the story of their lives and their loves, their found out. Despite suffering several set backs, with members of (Rachel A. Kossover) what can I say. She was a tart in the nicest songs and sorrows. the cast dropping like flies at one point, everyone pulled togeth- possible way. This production had fantastic singing, wonderful er and did Director James Bellamy proud. This was a superb dancing, great acting, dazzling choreography (Natalie Everett) Little Malcolm, Wednesday 13th - Saturday 16th show of a professional standard. All performances were strong. and marvellous music (Alexander Van Ingen and Richard This is the story of Malcolm Crawdyke and his fellow Northern Sally Bowles (Rebecca Gatrell) and Clifford Bradshaw (Simon Sutcliffe). All in all it was a hit! Hopefully MadSoc's next pro- art students, and their fight against authority. The choice is sim- Edwards) were extremely compelling as they found love only to duction EAST will continue this run of success. ple: freedom or serfdom. 'Little Malcolm' is written by David Halliwell, directed by Sue Day and brought to Guildford by the Infatuated Flatmate local amateur company, Offcentre. “Grants Not Fees” Dick Barton Special Agent: The Tango of Terror: Tuesday Morning stirs me with thoughts of 19th - Saturday 23rd you The square-jawed British hero is back to save the dignity and dia- and I smile unconsciously monds of the dowagers and debutants of Belgravia against the Breakfast goes better with you near ruthless Latin Lothario. A fabulous blend of parody, song and and I miss you already. dance, written by Phil Willmott. Directed by Ted Craig. NUS National March, I always gaze by at your door Silly Cow by Ben Elton, Wednesday 27th - Saturday 2nd and wonder if you're around March Doris Wallis is the queen of the tabloid press, famous for slagging while in my room I listen to Wednesday 20th Feb, off celebrities and her bitchy columns. Nothing will get in her the corridoor for your sound. way, or will the tables be turned? Described as fast and slick, the play is presented by final year students from Guildford School of The sight of you sings to my heart London Acting, GSA. a passionate melody And when you speak I revel in A Woman of No Importance, Monday 25th - Saturday 2nd the sound of your beauty. March Oscar Wilde's classic comedy combines charm, wit and melodra- What draws me to you ma; this is a story of society wit, Lord Illington, who meets his Meet at 9:45 am in Chancellors match in Mrs Allonby. It's a comedy of manners, liberally sprin- I simply do not know kled with Wilde's unmistakably wit. Directed by Elijah I only know your fragrance Return by around 4 pm Moshinsky. exhilarates my soul.

Thoughts of you lull me to sleep Theatre Reviews! and I smile unconsciously Free FNO ticket for those attending Every now and again, we in the art section receive free tickets to Although my dreams bring me to you plays at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre in Guildford. Unfortunately, I miss you already. we seldom have the time to go to these ourselves, but if anyone's interested in going to the theatre and writing reviews for us, please bloocow. Sign up at Union Reception let us know here at [email protected]

power plant is the screams of human children who the Monsters Inc. monsters reach through inter dimensional portholes or doors to closets. Unfortunately there are two problems in Starring: Billy Crystal, John Goodman, Mary Gibbs, the metropolis the first is that the monsters are scared of James Coburn, Steve Buscemi children and secondly that there is a power shortage due Directed by: David Silverman, Pete Docter to kids being harder to scare - queue plot. Of course the Produced by: Darla K Anderson animation in this film is impeccable, as you would Written by: Andrew Stanton, Daniel Gerson expect from Pixar, the characters vibrant and the jokes Distributor: Disney/Pixar regular unfortunately the plot is pretty transparent. This film lived up to my expectations and I will definitely I have been waiting for this movie since last summer. I'd being watching it on video when it comes out, although seen the trailer and just new I had to see it, perhaps it was friends who I watched it with were less impressed. my inner child taking over or some deep seated trauma Definitely one for the kids and anyone else who can from my past coming through, but I had to. Perhaps I switch of there brain and enjoy the jokes 8 out of 10. should take a step back; Monsters Inc is an animated film Make sure you turn up before the start and stay to the end from Pixar and Disney. The story centres on Sulley and of the credits or else you'll miss out - very funny short his best friend Mike who work for Monsters Inc - the from Pixar called 'For the birds'. power plant for the monster metropolis. The fuel for this

14/02/02 Personals/Society Profiles 13 The Stars Wot A Proper Astrologer Did Society Profiles: AQUARIUS: less water than fish Though taking part in biological tests can sometimes result in excellent finan- cial reward, the prospect of having complete strangers watching you as you Breakdance Society sleep and monitoring your every brain impulse is something you need to con- sider very carefully before making any rash decisions. From: Julian Duncan PISCES: escape, escape you people of Narnia Worst injury: I bust You will be struck with a strange urge to lie your way out of trouble with an Name & Age: Jooles B-Boy my wrist trying to do a excuse approaching the ridiculous: it will involve becoming a member of the Begooles, 22 1990 and had to break- BUSA table-tennis team and a match against your Chinese counterparts. Your dance on 1 arm for 3 ingenuity will be recognized and rewarded. Position in Society: President months - so tiring. of the UniS Breakdance ARIES: hoist the hoist aloft, dear Winifred Society, 'The Lazy Dayz Crew' Society activity idol: Deciding that you can't put off signing your module confirmation form any Tim, who comes to the longer, you traipse to your tutor's office only to find them tearing strips of paper Your Best Feature: My 1990 Monday sessions, is one from your latest coursework and throwing it into the circular filing cabinet in (A 1990 is spinning on your of the best breakers I've the corner of the room. hand in a one-handed hand- seen. stand!) TAURUS: the world is far behind Most embarrassing/amusing society moment: Even if you win the rat race, you are still a rat. A seemingly negative state- What do you look for in a man/woman: Flare Our B-Girl, Tina, is so much better than any of us ment, I agree, but not meant to either offend or deflate your spirit - it's just that [These are 'in' breakdance puns. Laugh anyway, or at handstand stuff. (This isn't supposed to be sexist, on some occasions it has to be said straight and, being the astrologer here, I feel at least think how clever they must be ;-) ] just break the stereotype that only blokes do it!) I'm probably the one to say it. Best thing about the society activity: Nobody Hidden aspects of your society: It's called break- GEMINI: bionic freedom-fighter of the fifth generation really has a clue what they're doing - it is exactly dance because in America, where it originated, A man's character is his fate: no matter what your principles, your work ethos how you see it. Random leg movements to music they dance to slow their cars down. or your own personal philosophy, you cannot change that which is your funda- whilst throwing your arms out to the side and back mental make-up and though this may frustrate you, there is little to be done to again, then trying to drill holes in the floor with Worst fear: When I'm older I won't have any alter this state of affair. Continue to enjoy every moment offered to you, there- your head - Anyone can do it. movement in my spine! fore, and let fate play its funny games. Best single moment of your society life: Finally Lunchtime lasagne in Chancellors or HRB? CANCER: a thousand rainy days and I spoke in tongues that talked of busting some windmills. Chancellors, although I'd prefer to go to my girl- saints friend's Nan's. She does a mean lasagne and you'd A phone-call cannot be replayed; a glance cannot be recaptured; nor can a Best moment for society: Taking the crew down to all be welcome. touch be felt once again by the body on which it fell. A letter, however, can the university Breakdancing Championships in always be re-read. If you have something to say, then, please do so - your prose Newcastle and coming....home again. You in three words: Christian B-Boy (Does 'b' will be gratefully received. count?) Worst thing about your society: Lazy by name, LEO: what of yours is left to keep? Lazy by nature The society in three words: Energy levels are sometimes hard to maintain when all your efforts are direct- Groovygroovyjazzyfunkypouncepouncedance as ed towards some unfathomable goal; it is a case of dividing your efforts, there- Ultimate dream for you personally in the soci- it. fore, between that which you want to achieve and that which you hope to enjoy eties activity: To bust flares/1990s. over the next week.

VIRGO: saying what you said before As a Virgo you have a certain inclination to observation and by doing what comes naturally to you, you will find more reason in walking with your head up CHINESE/ than simply watching the grey-stone pavement as it passes beneath your feet.

LIBRA: group-work operatives You are aware that the stars are written by someone who has no idea what they are doing and therefore will disregard anything that has been said before - my JAPANESE point being that there is no need to have to shine for anyone, be they tall or not. As for what this week may hold for you, both the stars and myself have absolute- ly no idea whatsoever, which can only come as a disappointment, given that you VOLUNTEERS REQUIRED TO HELP WITH A RESEARCH STUDY. THIS would probably hope I could come up with something better than that. WILL BE LOOKING AT THE GENETIC VARIATION BETWEEN THE Neglecting the decidedly un-prophetic nature of this so far, then, just be happy ETHNIC GROUPS SPECIFIED BELOW: and smile if you want to.

SCORPIO: I've pretty much given up with that · Chinese - person with Chinese parents and grandparents You may never have noticed how a person's heart can be broken with the most · Japanese - person with Japanese parents and grandparents innocent of comments, so now is the time to sit up and take notice. The unfor- tunate reason for this is that you will regrettably be that person who's heart will need time to recover, for the person that you dote upon (the very same one who may not be aware of your feelings) will share some words with you whose con- The purpose of this study is to investigate and further our understanding into the difference of why sequence to you they could not realize even if they were lying in bed with you some people respond better to certain medicines than others. This can be done by looking at the as you cry yourself to sleep. Sorry to be so dismal. variations in the patterns of DNA between ethnic populations.

SAGGITARIUS: late-night television If you participate in this study you will be required to give a blood sample and complete a question- Do you recall the days when you sat silently at the back of the room, attempt- naire. The study visit will last half an hour and you will be compensated for your time and expens- ing desperately not to attract the attention of your peers and refraining from es. comment whenever your opinion was asked for? All that is left to say is that that time is over. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, PLEASE CONTACT: CAPRICORN: watching for the star that will never fall down How the motion of a celestial body can affect the day-to-day occurrences in Dr Mould or Alison Hepworth on 01483 455375/406886 your life has always bemused you somewhat: sure, though the relationship Guildford Clinical Pharmacology Unit between energy and matter has been proven and expanded upon, the fundamen- tal concept of a certain configuration of the stars and planets at a certain time Royal Surrey County Hospital prescribing to you a pre-destined path on which you must walk has always Guildford, GU2 7XX appeared a little contrived, to the point where you may even cry "rubbish". It is left only to say that you may be right and that you may be wrong. Services 14 14/02/02 Dr Russ says “...... Money Matters! Effective Presentations advance if you can. Get a friend to Financial planning for the Academic year listen and tell you how you are Employers often ask students to coming across. Work hard to get 2002/2003 give a presentation as part of the the talk into the time you've been We have just received the fees and equipment grant, School selection process. In a relatively allowed. You will probably be and loan amounts for the next meals grant and Lone parents short space of time they are able to penalised if you don't - or you academic year. grant have all gain some measure of your clarity might even be cut off in mid-sen- increased of expression, organisation of tence. Highly embarrassing! Maximum fees slightly. If you material, time-keeping and self- Finally, when you get around to contribution would like to confidence. If they can also obtain delivering the real thing - remem- £1100 (Parents know more some evidence that you have a ber to project your voice so that sense of humour then that's a talk are the crucial parts. Try to everyone can hear and try to make will not be about these bonus! grab their attention with some- eye contact with each person in the required to make please pay us a You are usually told in advance thing different from the usual "I'd room at some stage during your any contribution visit at the what you will be required to talk like to talk to you about ...... ". talk. That will make them feel if their income is Student about. It could be on a subject of Why not try something like "It personally involved and they will less than £20480 Information and your choice, or maybe a leisure was once said that ...... " or "It is be all the more appreciative. per annum) Advice Service. interest or it could be related to the not commonly known that....." as a Bear in mind that a presentation We shall be job you're applying for. If you slightly more unusual way of usually forms just part of the Maximum avail- pleased to help have time, you can write out the introducing your subject. A pow- assessment. If it goes badly, try to able loan £3905 (final year you. whole thing beforehand but it's not erful opening sentence is a great put it behind you and throw your- £3390) a good idea to read it out word for confidence booster and will help self into the next activity. If living at home - maximum Student Advice and word on the day. Far better to you get into stride for the rest of Employers seldom fail candidates available loan £3090 (final year Information Service, write the key points on a series of your talk. Your finish should be on the basis of one poor perform- £2700) Wey Flat 2, Surrey Court, numbered index cards. As you equally impressive because that ance. Telephone 01483 689261 come to each point during your will leave the examiners with a Other available financial assis- E-mail student -advice@sur- talk it will remind you what to say. positive opinion about you. Russ Clark tance eg. Dependants grant, rey.ac.uk The beginning and end of your Try to practise your talk in Careers Service Childcare grant, Travel books

Notices RAG Annual General Meet @ 12pm Tuesday 19th February in the Grant Mitchel Room The recent RAG week will be reviewed, and further events planned. A new committee and charities will also be chosen for next year. Anyone interested in helping out is very welcome to come along.

CHANGE OF DATE: Christian Union AGM on 21/2/02 at Rushes Restaurant at 7:30pm.

Euchrist - Every Thursday by Rev John Strain, 12:30pm, Grant Mitchel Room

Stop Smoking Course - Wednesday afternoons from 6th Feb - Call 01483689201 (NTL 81 9201)

Union cashiers office is open 12:00 - 14:00 every working day except wednesdays.

FREE DRINKS for members at all meetings of The FIRST AID Conservative Society. e-mail: [email protected] COURSE OrthSoc will hold its AGM on the 23rd of February(satur- If you were at work and you witnessed an accident, would you know what day) to do? If you are at home and a friend collapses, would you know what action to ChemSoc presents: General Knowledge Quiz Night take? Monday 11th Feb in the Helen Rose Bar Can you save somebody's life? 7.30 start St. John Ambulance LINKS Group are running a First Aid at Work course bar open from 7.00 - 11.00 on the 16th, 17th, 23rd and 24th of February. This four day course will Teams of up to 6 people please (£1 per person taking part) OFFSITE RENT SCHEME Prizes for the winning team give you a nationally recognised qualification to enhance your C.V., as well as teaching you useful lifesaving skills.For more information email Joanne Payne on [email protected] or come along to one of our week- The Off-Site rent scheme has now distributed almost all of its allo- Celtic Society AGM @ 7:30pm Thurs 14th Feb, ly meetings on Tuesday nights in TB11 from 7.30pm. There are a limited cation from the University's Hardship Fund for 2001/02. Please Chancellors number of places on the course which will be allocated on a first come, note that the final date for applications for payments from the Off- first served basis.You CAN save somebody's life! Site rent scheme will be Wednesday 6th February 2002 ( Jewish Society AGM @ 1pm Tuesday 19th Feb, Grant Accommodation Office Foyer 1.30 to 2.30pm ). Also, I regret that Mitchell Room it will not be possible to make any payment to those students who Personals have already applied to the scheme but whose rent was less than the cut off level of £57.00 per week. Astronomy (Surrey SEDS) Society AGM @ 1pm Friday Chris - have you been thrown Rich W - 7.30pm; 5 & Lime 22nd Feb, Union Balcony through any hedges lately? Should you be in severe financial hardship, you should consult the Rich S - eyes on the disc and Student Advice & Information Service who can be contacted at Active Thinkers Society AGM, Week 7, Time & Venue tba Matt, have you lost any water apply two hands..quite simple, their offices in Wey House, Surrey Court or by phone ex 9261 or fights lately?!!!! really. What could have been... Notice Making Up Society - meets every Tuesday when e-mail [email protected]. there aren’t enough notices to fill section. Barefacts Rich S - catch Hello Holly - a special mention Office, around 2:30 AM. for you on your visit

SURREYSURREY PRIDEPRIDE "Legs apart, feet Sports firm, and in…” Profile: WOMEN’S RUGBY Men’s Rugby By Jo “Chunks” Golding

Sunday came with hangovers and pulled muscles even before the whistle was blown. 9 lucky gals (yes it is meant to be 15) and 2 borrowed from King Alfreds Winchester played a mighty game in the wind and rain. The ref test- ed our fitness to the limit with 40 minutes each way and only 2 scrums!… do you know how much running about that was! Positions were filled with Everyready as fly half, Apu - hooker, Perry - tight head prop and we also saw the debut of our newest member Sam as inside centre. Being less than 5 yards from their try line on many occasions was frustrating as hell but it was not all in vain, valuable lessons were learnt. For instance tackling low should always be practised so preventing injuries such as broken noses as OG Laura now knows, and also to not take part in extra sporting a good sign when a player comes round asking why she's wearing a rugby top; activities the night before, for example: egg and flour fights, as injuries might it's times like this you're glad Psycho is on your side. occur. Second half - Here Proctor came on and Bok, 2nd row, sat on the sidelines Before staring with this weeks sport- It must be said losing 69-0 was a bugger but… from neck injury. Cullen our outside centre filled the spot joining Smutty in ing profile, it must be admitted that Days later with slightly muddy pitch things came together… FINALLY! the scrum. Adaptability is one of our qualities! Quick hands were seen by our last weeks profile on Hayley Mills Shock horror at the sight of a full team and subs!! Had Womens rugby ever backs with fantastic tackles from Garfield, Huey and Kebab… Canterbury was not in fact written by her!! ventured this before? never got passed us. Although it is all true, we were des- Canterbury arrived with the request of a player and dutiful Sam was handed Domination was felt, and the match was called off early due to injuries on perate for a profile, and we had a over as a winger. Huddled for a quick pep talk before kick-off, a rendition was the other side. Could we have played better… yep… and we shall!!! It may dodgy photo, so we ran the story - performed of "I love you baby" We were out for intimidation and the fact that have only been a 5-0 victory but this was that stepping stone that was in dodgy sports profile editor they fell over a lot while warming up was comforting. "much need…". Just think what next weeks score against Sussex will be. First half - Di Bird (captain), with the support of Xena warrior, Porter Lou, Needless to say that we drank like bastards afterwards!!! Name and Age: Andrew Furlong, Flick and Bernie, just to name a few, a superb try was succeeded!!! Thanks goes to Windy, our injured firstaider, Cecil for being a true star and 24 Confidence grew and many more attempts were to follow but with no luck and …err… all those that supported us. Cheers. Nicknames: Ascot, Fruit-boy, Juan the game trotted on slowly with injuries galore! Hmmm… lets see… a broken Interested in playing (and drinking) call Liz 07900 573409 or email us at Luke nose, screwed up leg and a worrying knock out for Canterbury, surely it's not [email protected] Best Feature: Cheeky little grin What do you look for in a woman? Petite with a good ass, also prefer- in the 9th/10th place play-off and were it not for somewhat of an unfortunate ably blonde (keeping the missus drop in the end-zone at a critical point in the match (the perpetrator of which Slurrey Slingers Rock happy) will remain nameless) we may very well have secured our highest ever finish. Marital Status: Married (sorry girls Yet again, the Ultimate frisbee team of UniS, the Slurrey “bloody hell we’re Still, as it was, recording 10th position out of 20 (and more importantly, play- - or should I say boys??) ace” Slingers, found themselves sitting in a minibus at a ridculously early ing like demons) was quite an achievement for us and the three-and-a-half- Favorite Position: In the center, one hour of the day as they travelled to kick some metaphorical butt at their latest hour-because-we-got-lost-journey home in no way dampened our spirits or below and one on top!! Ultimate tournament in the somewhat drizzly Bristol. Never was there any made us realise just how much pain we were all actually in. Best Thing about your sport: Man query raised about setting off at 5.30am and the idea that anyone fell asleep The strangest thing about it all is that, as ever, we’re planning to do it all handling others on the pitch during the journey is frankly ridiculous. again in a couple of weeks and so fear not: you’re regular update on the affairs Worst thing about your sport: For those familiar with the trials and tribulations of the Slingers, you may of the Slingers will be with you soon. Until then, we’ll see you in the lake. Arrogance!! and playing for UniS accuse me of lying when I say that we won our first game of the tournament, Best single moment in sporting but the simple truth of the matter is that we did and that we were very proud life: Winning the French champi- indeed. It might have had something to do with our rather wonderful new t- onship - under 21's national. shirts that had been provided by Anglia Freight (thus making us cut impres- Flying discs: it’s not really possible Worst Injury: Broken elbow on my sive dashes in sprightly red) though the small matter of a fantabulous amount to explain why we 21st birthday, followed by 5 hours in of practise and tactics discussions might have had something to do with it throw ourselves A&E aswell. Whatever you believe the reason to be, the fact that we then went on arund on the floors Sporting Idol: Philipe Sella. to win again proves it wasn’t a fluke and somehow we found ourselves living at variuos sports Most embarrassing sporting upto our 11th seed ranking. halls around the moment: When I took over captain- As the second day began, fatigue had already set in and the obvious differ- country. Perhaps cy of the club I had to have a drink ence in standard between us and our opponents became apparent - this point we’re all just mad. off with my predicesor, Boy D (aye, clearly demonstrated by virtue of the fact we played the eventual winners Or maybe we just enjoy it? Who aye Hayley). Before downing the twice (losing 8-4 and 10-5 respectively in each game) and the runners-up for knows... pints we had to put our penises (yes good measure in the second group stage. A couple of defeats later found us you read it correctly) in each others pint - what can I say 'mothers milk'. Hidden aspects to your sport: Its not all about needless violence, ok Men's Fencing Team Take On Those Impudent Imps well maybe it is for the thick for- wards. By Jana Kristensen & Daniel Kerr strom, talking of tactics and what they knew of piste the others were by his side in voice and spir- Worst Fear: Being stuck on a desert these mighty opponents who have been BUSA it, and between bouts they talked and analysed and island with Fassam!! What would be A new chapter in the saga of the UniS fencing team champions on numerous occasions in recent times. played out each future bout to find the way to win. even worse is if Denise were there as was written on Wednesday, once again our fear- Suddenly it occurred to the many spectators that With champagne the long awaited 1000th hit of the well!! some warriors picked up their swords and went they didn't really look much these three who could season was celebrated, as Saracen launched and Last time you were drunk and into battle. Our three heroes have travelled far and oft be seen carousing in the bar and wassailing scored the hit we had been looking forward to for threw up: On my birthday and wide over the past few months, sometimes joined with the ladies. These were anxious times as we so long. He also delivered the final hit of the Christmas - although I'm such a by a noble journeyman but too often they have had desperately prayed for our team. As they were match, and was not the only one to bring home hardcore drinker it hardly ever hap- to stand alone. On Wednesday the day had come only three each had to fight three times each with prizes, as Captain Spiderdan himself got the prize pens (either that or he's not drinking to face the final challenge on these very shores. As three different weapons, in order to banish the of most hits in one bout and the 'man of the match' enough!! they shook the weariness from their limbs, we demons that lurked both without and within. A award went to our worthy opposition captain, How many lecturers can you name watched and waited knowing they were our only mighty marathon which few have the stamina or Andy. After the fight we celebrated a glorious vic- from your course: none hope to stop the hordes of chaos insurgent from the skill to accomplish. tory for hours and cheered for our proud and fear- Yourself in three words: Gallic, north under the name 'Imperial'. Once the first command to fight had been given it less warriors. But there's more to come, more arrogant, impulsive. The three swordsmen Spiderdan, Saracen and Big very quickly became clear just why this trio have beasts to fight. Join us as we take up arms and go Ben stood proud as they awaited the coming mael- been so successful. Even when one stood on the forward in the glorious name of Surrey University!