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Sheldon Cooper Quotations - Season 1

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Sheldon Cooper Quotations - Season 1 Sheldon Cooper Quotations - Season 1 Sheldon gets a lot of the best lines on The Big Bang Theory. We've compiled some of his most memorable quotes from Season 1 below. Season 1, Episode 1 (Pilot) Well, today we tried masturbating for money. Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun‟s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality. You did not "break up" with Joyce Kim. She defected to North Korea. Season 1, Episode 2 (The Big Ah gravity, thou art a heartless bitch. Bran Hypothesis) Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table is having a tiny garage sale. I am truly sorry for what happened last night. I take full responsibility and I hope it won‟t color your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover. Season 1, Episode 3 (The Fuzzy At least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted Boots Corollary) smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again. I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker. There's always the possibility that alcohol and poor judgment on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening. Season 1, Episode 4 (The There wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death Luminous Fish Effect) ray had worked. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth? Season 1, Episode 5 (The Do you realize I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your Hamburger Postulate) booty call? Of course I'm listening. Blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah blah. Season 1, Episode 6 (The Middle I'm the Doppler Effect! Earth Paradigm) Given the reaction to my costume, this party is a scathing indictment of the American educational system. When people are upset, the cultural convention is to bring them hot beverages. Season 1, Episode 7 (The I'll watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who, although at this Dumpling Paradox) point it's more like Doctor Why Bother. No, I‟m going to ask him to choose between sex and Halo 3. As far as I know, sex has not been upgraded to include high-def graphics and enhanced weapon systems. Season 1, Episode 8 (The Damn you, Walletnook.com. Grasshopper Experiment) I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History, and frankly, you don't have dinosaurs. Season 1, Episode 9 (The Forget your suit. Look at my arms flailing. I'm like a flamingo Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization) on Ritalin. Well, there's always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor would suggest that someone threw it out. Season 1, Episode 10 (The I don‟t guess. As a scientist I reach conclusions based on Loobenfeld Decay) observation and experimentation. Although, as I‟m saying this, it occurs to me that you may have been employing a rhetorical device, rendering my response moot. Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes. I don't know... but if cats could sing, they'd hate it too. Season 1, Episode 11 (The We have no idea what pathogen Typhoid Penny‟s introduced Pancake Batter Anomaly) into our environment. And having never been to Nebraska I‟m relatively certain that I have no Corn Husking antibodies. Obviously you're not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candyland would be your speed. Season 1, Episode 12 (The While Mr. Kim, by virtue of youth and naiveté, has fallen prey Jerusalem Duality) to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me step in and assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me. Engineering: where the noble semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Ooompa-Loompas of science. Season 1, Episode 13 (The Bat Yes, well, I‟m polymerized tree sap and you‟re an inorganic Jar Conjecture) adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns to its original trajectory and adheres to you. Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish? At this point I should inform you that I intend to form my own team and destroy the molecular bonds that bind your very matter together and reduce the resulting particular chaos to tears. One more thing. It‟s on, bitch. Season 1, Episode 14 (The Dibs does not apply in a bidding war. Nerdvana Annihilation) In a Venn diagram, that would be an individual located at the intersection of the sets “no longer want my Time Machine” and “need 800 dollars”. It only moves in time. It would be worse than useless in a swamp. I disagree. Your inability to successfully woo Penny long predates your acquisition of the time machine. That failure clearly stands on its own. Season 1, Episode 15 (The They were not “friends”. They were imaginary colleagues. Shiksa Indeterminacy) Season 1, Episode 16 (The What twelve year old boy wants a motorized dirt bike? Peanut Reaction) What computer do you have? And please don't say "a white one." Season 1, Episode 17 (The Actually, I thought the first two renditions were far more Tangerine Factor) compelling. Previously, I felt sympathy for the Leonard character. Now I just find him to be whiny and annoying. Oxen are in my bed! Many, many oxen! Sheldon Cooper Quotations - Season 2 Sheldon gets a lot of the best lines on The Big Bang Theory. We've compiled some of his most memorable quotes from Season 2 below. Season 2, Episode 1 (The Bad I've got more nervous ticks than a Lyme Disease research Fish Paradigm) facility. Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell Dad. I drank milk that tasted funny. Season 2, Episode 2 (The Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary: the word Codpiece Topology) "plenty" has been redefined to mean "two." If you're having trouble deciding where to sit, may I suggest One Potato, Two Potato -- or as I call it, the Leslie Winkle experimental methodology. You'd hit particulate soil in a colloidal suspension. Mud. You know, it‟s amazing how many supervillains have advanced degrees. Graduate schools should probably do a better job at screening those people out. Season 2, Episode 3 (The I can't wear different pajamas. These are my Monday pajamas. Barbarian Sublimation) These Hungarians -- they're just using you for dragon fodder. Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She's interfering with my sleep, she's interfering with my work... and if I had another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'd be interfering with that too. Season 2, Episode 4 (The Griffin I wanted a griffin... I was studying recombinant DNA Equivalency) technology and I was confident I could create one, but my parents were unwilling to secure the necessary eagle eggs and lion semen. Of course my sister got swimming lessons when she wanted them. I'm not insane -- my mother had me tested. Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers of bacteria and pestilence. Frankly it'd be more hygenic if they just had a plague-infested gibbon sneeze my hands dry. A tremendous accomplishment would be if the planetary body he discovered were plummeting toward Earth and he exploded it with his mind. Season 2, Episode 5 (The Euclid I bought these Star Wars sheets but they turned out to be Alternative) much too stimulating to be compatible with a good night's sleep. I don't like the way Darth Vader stares at me. I'm clearly too evolved for driving. Season 2, Episode 6 (The Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I, Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem) too, was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was fourteen. And I had already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to, despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics, although it's more likely that you'll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make papier-mâché volcanoes with baking soda lava. I never eat in strange restaurants. One runs the risk of non- standard cutlery.... Three tines is not a fork. Three tines is a trident. Forks are for eating, tridents are for ruling the Seven Seas. Apparently I'm in some kind of relationship and you seem to be an expert at ending them.... I see man after man leaving this apartment, never to return. Season 2, Episode 7 (The Panty I trusted you with my email address and you betrayed that Pinata Polarization) trust by sending me Internet banalities -- Strike One. Touching my food -- Strike Two.
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