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Voices 199 • Spring 2020 • Becoming and Being a Therapist Founded in 1964 by John Warkentin, PhD, MD and Thomas Leland, MD Voices: Journal of the American Academy of Psychotherapists Editor: Editorial Review Board: Carla Bauer, LCSW | [email protected] Lee Blackwell, PhD 2801 Buford Hwy NE, Ste. T-80 Brooke Bralove, LCSW-C Atlanta, GA 30329 Peggy Brooks, PhD Graphic Designer: Grover Criswell, MDiv Mary de Wit Susan Diamond, MSW Business Manager: Molly Donovan, PhD Lisa Kays Rhona Engels, ACSW 1800 R Street NW #C-8 Stephanie Ezust, PhD Washington, DC 20009 Pamela Finnerty, PhD Emeriti: Daryl Ellen Gincherman, Kristin Staroba, MSW, Immediate Past Editor LCPC Penelope L. Norton, PhD, Editor Emerita Natan Harpaz, PhD Doris Jackson, PhD, Editor Emerita Stephen Howard, MD Tom Burns, PhD, Editor Emeritus Steven Ingram, DMin Jon Farber, PhD, Editor Emeritus Susan Jacobson, MMH Monique Savlin, PhD, Editor Emerita Nicholas Kirsch, PhD Edward Tick, PhD, Editor Emeritus Judy Lazarus, MSW E. Mark Stern, PhD, Editor Emeritus Matthew Leary, PhD Vin Rosenthal, PhD, Editor Emeritus Kay Loveland, PhD Associates: Laurie Michaels, PhD Hallie S. Lovett, PhD, Contributing Editor Don Murphy, PhD Bob Rosenblatt, PhD, Intervision Editor Giuliana Reed, MSW Barry Wepman, PhD, Poetry Editor Ann Reifman, PhD Ruth Wittersgreen, PhD, Poetry Editor John Rhead, PhD Murray Scher, PhD Avrum Weiss, PhD Sharilyn Wiskup, LPC VOICES: THE ART AND SCIENCE OF PSYCHOTHERAPY (ISSN 0042-8272) is published by the American Academy of Psychotherapists, 230 Washington Ave Ext , Suite 101 / Albany, NY 12203. Subscription prices for one year (three issues): $65 for individuals PDF only; $85 for individuals PDF & print copy; $249 for institutions. Orders by mail payable by check: 230 Washington Ave Ext, Suite 101 / Albany, NY 12203. Orders by MasterCard or Visa: call (518) 240-1178 or fax (518) 463-8656. Payments must be made in U.S. dollars through a U.S. bank made payable to AAP Voices. Some back volumes may be available from the Voices Business Office. Change of Address: Please inform publisher as soon as a change to your email address is made. Send change of email address to [email protected].▼ ii VOICES ▼ Spring 2020 I get to spend my days with people who are talking about what is most important to them, and they’re talking as deeply as they know how. —Lex Baer Journal of the American Academy of Psychotherapists VOICES THE ART AND SCIENCE OF PSYCHOTHERAPY Becoming—and Being—a Therapist Spring 2020: Volume 56, Number 1 Voices: Journal of the American Academy of Psychotherapists i Table of Contents v Editorial Sitting in the Psychotherapist’s Chair Carla Bauer 1 Articles Becoming a Psychotherapist —It Was Mother’s Doing David S. Doane 5 Actor to Therapist: A Shift from Doing to Being Tarpley Long 11 Therapist by Accident Sally Donaldson 19 One Therapist’s Journey in Understanding Ambivalence to Change Linda Buchanan 23 Short Report: Finding My Superpower Anne Wild-Rocheleau 29 Outing Myself as a Therapist: What Really Goes on Behind Closed Doors Marilyn Schwartz 31 Commentary Grover E. Criswell 35 Short Report: Puzzle Pieces Kathryn Van der Heiden 37 My Journey from Physician to Psychotherapist Brita Reed 39 Short Report: Paying for Parking Melanie Eisner 45 Musings From a Long Career: Gratitude May Benatar 47 Enchanted by the Stories Stephanie Ezust 51 Raveling the Thread of a Therapist Tim Kochems 55 On Being a Retired Psychotherapist Pamela Torraco 61 Book Reviews Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Dairlyn Chelette 67 When You’re the One Who Cheats: Ten Things You Need to Know Pamela Finnerty 69 Intervision Musings: How the Heck Did I Get Into This Line of Work? Bob Rosenblatt 71 Response 1 Dave Dayton 73 Response 2 Damon Blank 75 Response 3 Ali Jost 77 Plenary Address The Ghost in You: Psychotherapy and the Art of Grieving Justin Hecht 79 Becoming—and Being—a Therapist Poetry Practice, Practice, Practice Neal Whitman 18 Therapist’s Privilege Dan Mermin 44 The Sessions Lewis Lipsitz 65 Images Brain on Chaise Longue DepositPhotos fabioberti 4 On Stage DepositPhotos AndrewLozovyi 10 The Color of Ambivalence Kathy Carl 22 Calls for Papers Psychotherapy Amidst Pandemic Deadline August 15, 2020 91 Dimensions of Friendship Deadline January 15, 2021 92 Voices Subscribe to Voices 93 Guidelines for Contributors 94 The American Academy of Psychotherapists 95 Cover: ©2020 by the American Academy of DepositPhotos Psychotherapists, Inc. Mary de Wit Published three times per year. Cover Design: Mary de Wit Design and Production by Mary de Wit | in2Wit®, llc AAP Web Site: www.aapweb.com vi VOICES ▼ Spring 2020 Carla Bauer Editorial Sitting in the Psychotherapist’s Chair Carla R. Bauer, LCSW, is in pri- ur theme, Becoming—and Being—a Ther- vate practice in Atlanta, Georgia. A second career therapist, she brings apist, explores how and why we came to sit in the over 25 years of corporate experi- Opsychotherapist’s chair and what it has meant to do ence, as well as an earlier journey so. Some were drawn by a therapeutic relationship or ex- in theological studies, to her under- standing of people and their strug- perience. For others, it was an attempt to heal a wound in gles. Psychoanalytically trained, self, family, or other. Perhaps the pull was in the intrigue she seeks to blend psychodynamic of mystery or curiosity about the working of the brain or and attachment orientations with a contemporary relational presence. psyche. Some of us were primed from early ages for this When she can’t be on the beach, the path, while others came to it later, after some life-chang- colors of the beach are on her! As ing event. All of us have a story. And all have an answer editor of Voices, she offers her voice to AAP. to the often heard questions, “How can you sit all day and [email protected] listen to other people’s woes? Don’t you get bored?” In addition to looking at what about the practice of psychotherapy calls the therapist, our theme also explores how the landscape of psychotherapy has changed over our professional lifespans—what has been gained or lost. Authors consider how they have changed as practitioners over time—as well as how the practice has changed the person of the therapist. One thread reflected in my own path to the psycho- therapist’s chair is that of seemingly trying to become yesteryear’s therapist: coming to the field as a second (or third) career and trying to become a longer-term, psy- chodynamic, psychoanalytically-oriented therapist in a short-term, cognitive-behavioral, and evidence-based landscape. I wasn’t sure I was going to be conferred my so- cial work degree after constantly uttering the unpopular “four-letter words” that were my goals: psychodynamic, psychoanalytic, and private practice! Adding relational didn’t seem to make me any less the square peg. But the deeper theme of my journey is that of coming full circle in my professional identity. In addition to those Sitting in the Psychotherapist’s Chair 1 typical “How can you?” questions from those who can’t imagine anyone choosing this work, I frequently encounter the reactions of people from past chapters of my profes- sional story who wonder, “You’re doing what? How can you do that?” From them, these are questions about skills and credentials rather than boredom, as the work I’m doing is such a departure from earlier career training. This puzzlement is shared across the sectors of my professional history. I started my career journey preparing to work in the church, until eventually I realized that my engagement with the church was more about belonging than about faith, my interest in theology more philosophical than creedal. In a knee-jerk effort to unchurch my resume, I went from seminary to business school, sub- sequently landing in a banking career. It was successful enough, but unfulfilling, as it really didn’t reflect my interests or feel like an identity: I just never cared deeply enough about “the deal.” When the annual reorganization and downsizing caught up with me some 17 years later, I recognized my chance to do something different. But what? Paying attention to where the energy was in my life at the time – in my own therapy and other personal growth activities following a post-divorce life transition – I recognized that I wanted to be a part of such meaningful work. So I followed that lead back to school and to a psychotherapist’s chair of my own. Now I straddle both fields: working part-time in banking to keep the bills paid while I build my private practice. Friends and colleagues from either sector are baffled by the other, just as those from my earlier church era were puzzled to later encounter me as a banker: “You’re doing what?” But becoming a therapist feels like coming full circle: back to working with people, their struggles, and how they make meaning in their lives, mi- nus the earlier religious focus. Exploring how clients form meaning, or suffer because of those imposed (whether by self or other), doesn’t get boring! The psychotherapist’s chair holds for me the meaning my earlier career lacked: It unites interests and identity. I only wish I’d come to it sooner. In this issue, authors offer their stories of becoming and being a therapist: the events that led them down this path, the experiences that have highlighted the professional journey, and what gives it meaning. Some offer early or mid-career reflections, while others look back on the choice as they leave their chairs. As you read these stories, con- sider your own: What brought you to this path? What keeps you in your chair or lures you from it? How has being a psychotherapist changed your life—changed you? Would you do it again? David Doane starts us off with a retrospective of the influences on his path, from mother to many of the pioneers of the Academy, and of how his time in the psychother- apist’s chair has shaped him.
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