The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness, by Mark Ballenger
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The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness By Mark Ballenger Copyright © 2016 by Mark Ballenger All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture references are from the ESV. For more resources by Mark Ballenger, please visit ApplyGodsWord.com. If you desire to glorify God through your singleness, this book is for you. Table of Contents Introduction: Don‘t Worry, There Really Are Answers Section 1: A Biblical Foundation of Christian Singleness Chapter 1: What Does the Bible Say About Singleness? Chapter 2: 4 Truths to Help You Know If God Is Calling You to a Life of Singleness Chapter 3: How to Love the Opposite Sex During Your Season of Singleness Chapter 4: Why Does God Wait to Bless Us? Chapter 5: 4 Reasons You Should Not Feel Guilty About Being Discontent ―With‖ Singleness Section 2: How to Thrive During Your Season of Singleness Chapter 6: Are You Dating or Married to God? Chapter 7: Don‘t Waste It: 7 Ways to Use Your Christian Singleness Chapter 8: How to Deal With Unmet Expectations Chapter 9: Christian Singleness, Loneliness, and 5 Healthy Ways to Respond Chapter 10: Sexual Purity: How the Church Often Gets It Wrong Chapter 11: What Christian Singles Should Know About Homosexuality Chapter 12: 4 Christ-Centered Ways to Change Things About Yourself That Need to Be Changed Section 3: Preparing Your Heart for Your Future Chapter 13: What Is God‘s Purpose for You? Chapter 14: How to Figure Out God‘s Plan for You (Desire Reveals Design) Chapter 15: 2 Questions to Ask If You Want to Know What Your Specific Calling Is from God Chapter 16: 4 Tips to Help You Recover From Past Breakups Chapter 17: How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You Deeply Chapter 18: How to Avoid the #1 Danger for Most Unmarried Christians Chapter 19: What Does the Bible Say About Missionary Dating? Chapter 20: Let God Fulfill God‘s Promises to You Chapter 21: Does God Need Our Help? No, But He Does Ask for It Chapter 22: How to Find a Christian Mentor in Your Season of Singleness Section 4: How to Find a Christian Spouse Chapter 23: How to Find a Christian Spouse Chapter 24: 6 Possible Reasons You‘re Still Not Married Chapter 25: 8 Expectations that Could Be Poisoning Your Dating Life Chapter 26: 3 Ways Perfectionism Can Prolong Unwanted Singleness Chapter 27: 7 Points to Consider About Online Dating (and dating in general) Chapter 28: Why You Should Stop ―Putting God First to Find a Spouse‖ Chapter 29: Love Is Always Dangerous . Love Anyway Conclusion: When the Answers Don’t Come Chapter 30: God‘s Love Is Enough Thank You/Contact Info Introduction Don’t Worry, There Really Are Answers Every Christian‘s life is unique. Each one of us goes through peaks and valleys which are different that someone else‘s peaks and valleys. While no two Christian lives are exactly the same, there is one season of life I can guarantee we all will experience: Christian singleness. Nobody is born married. And while in some cultures arranged marriages can happen at a young age, even then there is a time of singleness before the marriage actually occurs. For most of us in the Western World, we are given choices when it comes to marriage, which is obviously a good thing. But with choices comes much confusion. And while each Christian‘s season of singleness will be different, there are also many commonalities that we all will experience in this stage of life. Am I ever going to find the right person? Is God calling me to a life of singleness? Do I look good enough to attract a spouse I am attracted to? How will we meet? Should I try online dating since this whole process is taking longer than I thought it would? Is there anything I can do to speed up this process of finding a Christian spouse? Does God think I am discontent with him because I want a spouse? Is God not blessing my search because of my sin? If God is sovereign and he loves me, why isn‘t he blessing me with this amazing gift of marriage? What practical things should I do and not do to find a spouse? Our list of questions stemming from singleness could go on forever. But perhaps what is even worse than all the unknowns during this season is the emotions that come along with all of these questions. Let‘s get real with each other for just a minute. How do you feel when you see a friend of yours announce on social media that she is engaged? And then another friend, and another friend, and another friend, all while you remain single? How do you feel when you see the pictures of her ring? What emotions go on inside when you see your buddy standing there with a beautiful woman, a woman just like you hope to find one day? When you see the wedding day photos, what emotions rise in you? What goes on in your mind when the bride and groom embrace each other? What uncomfortable feelings bubble to the surface of your heart when you begin to wonder when it will finally be your turn to make that engagement announcement on social media? Most Christian singles I‘ve talked to and counseled have said moments like these hurt. Of course you are happy for your friends when they get married. It‘s not like we are saying our pain would be eased if others didn‘t find love either. But seeing someone else enjoy romance often awakens feelings in us that we have tried to push down. It‘s okay to admit that it feels like a jab every time someone else finds love when you still haven‘t. This is all part of the process. God is preparing you for your future. I want to encourage you that there are answers found in God‘s word. The title of this book is ―The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness.‖ I wanted to add in parenthesis, ―except for the Bible.‖ Obviously the word of God is the best book to answer any question we have about singleness. God alone can provide the wisdom we need (James 1:5). But because this guidebook is rooted deeply in Scripture, I believe God can use it to really help you find the guidance you are looking for. I got married at the age of twenty-two but my wife was twenty-seven, so I have a firsthand glimpse at getting married at the beginning or tail-end of the twenties. By the grace of God, I‘ve also been blessed with the experience of being a pastor to older adults, young adults, and teens – and all of these groups of people needed relationship counseling, especially when it came to singleness. I love counseling people on how to biblically approach relationships, which is probably why I earned a Master‘s Degree in the field of Pastoral Counseling. All that to say, I am pumped to put all that I‘ve learned into one easy-to-use, condensed, and practical manual for anyone looking to glorify God during their season of Christian singleness. God uses everything for his glory. He has a purpose for you during your singleness, and it is your job to figure out what that is. And I want to help you. What is God trying to teach you right now? How is he preparing you for a healthy future marriage (or for a life of godly singleness if that‘s his will for you)? If we don‘t answer these questions, odds are will be underprepared for the seasons ahead and suffer the consequences. How to Use this Guidebook In closing, here are a few pointers as you read through this guidebook. You certainly can read this book cover to cover. It‘s been formatted in a logical progression by laying a biblical foundation on singleness right at the beginning (Section 1). I then give you the knowledge needed to thrive during your season of singleness or through your life of celibacy (Section 2). Next we move into the practical nuts and bolts needed to prepare for your future (Section 3). Finally, this guide closes by diving into how you can be practical and put yourself in the best possible position to find the spouse God has for you (Section 4). But you don‘t have to read this book cover to cover to benefit from it. It‘s also been designed like a survival manual, an encyclopedia, or a cookbook. You can just go to the table of contents, look at what topics you need to read, and start studying. The table of contents is clickable, so if you see a chapter you want to read, just click it and you will jump ahead right to that chapter. After each chapter there are some reflective questions. It‘s best if you can go through these with a friend who is also single, a small group Bible study of Christian singles, or perhaps even an older mentor who has walked these roads before. You can also just use these questions for personal reflection.