ANALYSIS LIVING CLASSICAL A freshers’ guide to Check out our all- Where, when and all things CUSU new living pullout how to get involved PAGE 04 PAGES L1-L8 PAGE 20

Issue: 562 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk 04 October 2002 THE CAMBRIDGE STUDENT NEWSPAPER CAMBRIDGE PLC bined HEFCE grant and a restricted Oly Duff, Luke Layfield & Jonny Mather fee is not sustainable”. Opposition in In the past week Varsity has dis- the Senate House meant that the line covered that Cambridge was eventually dropped. University is secretly lobbying An insider on the Joint Committee Rowan Huppert the government to allow the in- on Admissions, consisting of represen- troduction of top-up fees through tatives from the CAO and all of the col- the back door, in a desperate at- leges, pointedly confirmed that it had tempt to raise funds and address not been told of the University’s plans. their dire financial situation. “I would be interested in finding out just The University’s latest statement on what exactly is going on,” they said. the subject is that “at present we have Senior administration staff have been no plans to introduce top-up fees,” told that “top-up fees have not been and that, as published in the 16th ruled in, they have not been ruled out”. November 2001 edition of the Reporter, The University is a member of “any further increase in up-front costs the Russell Group, the top 20 re- for students could damage the advances search institutions in the country, already made in broadening participa- whose members have been openly tion”. This denial seems in stark contrast discussing top-up fees over the sum- to action behind the scenes. As mer. Sir Colin Campbell, Vice Cambridge University Student Union Chancellor of Nottingham President Paul Lewis told Varsity: “I am University has said that institutions certain that there are officials in the should be allowed to charge top-up University who are intent on solving fees of up to £4,000 to reverse “sys- their financial prediciment by going pri- tematic underfunding” of the sector. vate. He went on to say: “Top-up fees Cambridge’s financial problems are represent a huge step away from gov- particularly pressing, as revealed in ernment control and influence, and in August in a report by its own watchdog, this sense are akin to privatisation.” The Board of Scrutiny. “The projected MP for Cambridge Anne Campbell, deficit for the chest 2002-03 is £11.6m speaking exclusively to Varsity, con- and further deficits of £15.7m, £18m, firmed that the University is lobbying and £20.5m are projected for the next the government over the matter. “I un- three years,” it said. “This means that derstand that is the case,” she said when the chest will have drawn down £71.5m questioned. from the chest reserves over five years.” Campbell met recently with Higher The Board demanded a “root and Education Minister Margaret Hodge to branch” review of funding and urged express her fears over the damaging im- debate over a new building programme. pact that top-up fees, which could be as The Department for Education and much as £4,000 per year, would have Skills yesterday refused to rule out the upon university access. “I have grave possibility of top-up fees in the future. concerns about top-up fees which I have The report of the government’s on-go- systematically opposed due to their im- ing review into HE funding is due out plications upon access,” she said. “The in late November after a further post- perception of the University that top-up ponement. A spokesman promised: fees would create will put students from “Any impact from the strategy docu- low income families off applying.” ment will not deter students from going In addition a confidential draft of to university. We want to ensure that the University’s Annual Report, leaked debt doesn’t put people off applying”. to Varsity by an Old School’s official, Though Labour has ruled out changes… states: “the present system of com- Continued on page 2

The region’s best guide to what’s on – see next Thursday’s Cambridge Evening News 02 NEWS 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Inside this issue…

pg 3 Eye on Access PEMBROKE DINE AT HIGH TABLE We ask the head of Admissions what’s being done to the fall of St John’s from 4th to 11th ating a virtuous circle, but a vicious Jonny Mather wipe out Cambridge elitism position, who – along with Fitzwilliam circle at the other end of the scale.” Tompkins’ Table 2002 Rank This year’s Tompkins’ table of and Robinson - were the biggest los- Such a view might be echoed by 2002 2001 College Performance pg 4 Analysis individual colleges’ exam re- ers, is a notable exception. Corpus the two all-female colleges, New Hall 1 7 Pembroke 67.73% 2 2 Emmanuel 66.50% All you ever wanted to sults shows Pembroke as the Christi’s controversial policy of and Newnham, who have consis- 3 6 Clare 66.46% know about CUSU- and probably best-performing college for the awarding rooms based on the quali- tently languished at or near the bot- 4 1 Christ’s 65.98% 5 5 Queens 65.39% much more first time in the 22 year history ty of an undergraduate’s exam per- tom of the table, with this year’s re- 6 3 Trinity 65.38% of the rankings, replacing formance continues to bear little fruit. sults being no exception. Dr Owen 7 8 Gonville & Caius 64.44% Christ’s at the head of the The college, formerly one of the Saxton, admissions tutor at New Hall 8 10 Downing 64.41% 9 11 Jesus 63.87% University league table. University’s top performers, has (who finished bottom), was quick 10 9 Churchill 63.85% The table, published annually and shown little improvement on the 20th to question the value of a league table 11 4 St John’s 63.79% 12 18 St Catharine’s 63.13% based on exam results from every un- position that they achieved last year. based on the exam results of every 13 12 Selwyn 63.01% dergraduate year, is the brainchild of King’s and Magdalene showed the undergraduate year, rather than 14 21 King’s 62.68% 15 22 Magdalene 62.54% Pricewaterhouse Coopers partner best advance over the last twelve those of just final exams. “I wish they 16 17 Girton 61.55% Peter Tompkins, who first produced months, jumping from 21st to 14th could be based on the final year 17 15 Trinity Hall 61.33% pg 7 Perspective it “out of curiosity” in his final year as place and from 22nd to 15th respec- only,” he said, and went on to point 18 20 Corpus Christi 60.67% 19 16 Sidney Sussex 60.47% Should Britain join forces a maths undergraduate at Trinity in tively. Students at St Catherine’s, much- out that in their final exams New 20 13 Fitzwilliam 60.42% with the US and declare War 1981, and is now compiled for the harangued last year by college au- Hall students “do as well as women 21 14 Robinson 60.38% 22 24 Newnham 59.36% against Iraq ? Independent to assist sixth-form stu- thorities and the national media for anywhere in the University”. 23 19 Peterhouse 57.83% dents in choosing a college. excessive drinking and unsightly dis- As things stand, with the 24 23 New Hall 57.01% Points are allocated as follows: I - 5pts, II.1 - 3pts, II.2 - pg 10 News “We are of course delighted to plays of public nudity, also clearly did Tompkins table being used as the 2pts, III - 1pt. Performance percentages are calculated as The Union: a new coat of have come top,” said Pembroke sen- some things right as the college’s rank- principle yardstick for a college’s ac- the proportion of the maximum possible points score at- paint hiding the same problems or ior tutor Dr Mark Vormauld. “Over ing improved by six places, moving ademic record, Saxton sees the sys- tainable by a college. genuine reform? the last decade we have been steadi- from 18th in the table up to 12th. tem as “anti-access” believing that much into statistics in the league ly improving our performance with- However Mr Tompkins is keen to undue pressure is being put on ad- table culture that has grown up in pg 15 Theatre in the university, investing time and point out that it is unwise to read too missions tutors to admit candidates Britain: “what matters is that the The essential Fresher’s money in recruiting the best students much into the results, saying that “by who will perform well from the out- people and surroundings of a col- guide to Cambridge Drama and from a wide range of backgrounds and large the data is insufficiently large set of their degree, rather than im- lege or university are suitable for the how to get involved and making sure they have the sup- to give statistically significant results” proving over the course of their candidate’s ability to get the most port they need to succeed.” and recognising the fact that “they can three years. out of the time there. That is not pg 17 Film The top ten academic perform- have the effect of attracting more good Peter Tompkins also has a word something we can measure with sta- The Summer releases re- ers remain largely unchanged, though people to a college that does well, cre- of warning for those who read too tistics.” viewed: what was hot, and what wasn’t NUS CAMPAIGN ATTEMPTS TO CALL TIME ON STUDENT DRINKING pg 19 Music Fesitval frolics from France cash has gone into the campaign, fund- John West and the latest CDs as Varsity tells ed entirely by the Portman Group: “It you what’s worth listening to Over the summer the NUS is part of our welfare drive. We do it for plunged into the pitfalls of tak- meningitis, sex and mental health. We pg 21 Visual Arts ing a common sense attitude. feel drink is as important an issue for Cambridge’s Art Scene- Responding to fears over exces- those who abuse it: it’s important peo- where to start looking for it sive drinking and a particularly ple have the facts, especially before British attitude to such excessive freshers’ week. We were happy to asso- drinking (i.e. all day, every day: ciate ourselves with Portman.” more at weekends), the National In effect, the NUS’ advice is not dis- Union of Students launched a similar to that offered by CUSU or the fierce and highly publicised college JCRs. One statistic presented campaign: “If you do drink, on the CUSU website makes for dis- don’t do drunk”. turbing reading, that apparently at one Almost inevitably, however, the point on Suicide Sunday 1998, all of pg 24 Sport backlash was swift to defend the rights Addenbrooke’s ambulances were re- Exclusive Varsity Interview of students to ignore this sentiment: to Lee Michael sponding to calls involving the activi- with the new Blues Football stand up (or stagger half-heartedly) for that.” St Radegund Pub landlord and cult to ignore, considering the statistics ties of drunken students. Perhaps, the Captain the right to ignore what has been stout yeoman of reknown Terrence released by the Portman Group which argument goes, students should be dubbed by one insider at the NUS Kavanagh ejaculated thus: “If these show that more than a million 18-24 mindful of the effect alcohol might have Inside Living… “wanky nannying nonsense.” Guardian-reading bedwetters had their year olds drink just to get drunk every on themselves and others. Returning Cambridge students along way, I wouldn’t have any business. Tell week. Whilst the typical response to And yet the campaign, noble and pg L1 Interview the fabled set of King Street pubs were them where to stick it. If the beer’s too such a fact might well be “Goodness, honest as it may be, seems destined We talk to Martin Bell particularly vocal. Member of CURAS strong, you’re not strong enough!” Sherlock!”, the statistics further re- to student ridicule. Despite the al- about Thirty Years’ of War (Cambridge University Real Ale Nevertheless, NUS Press and veal the extra danger this put those peo- most certainly thoughtful input of the Society) Philip Morgan, a Jesuan, said: Publicity Officer Dan Ashley is unre- ple in regarding mugging, rape, vio- NUS and the Portman Group, it “Drinking is a way of life in Cambridge. pentant, saying that the NUS is not lence, injuries and unprotected sex. seems unlikely that “If you do drink, No NUS campaign, however sancti- telling people what to do, just offering Ashley further rebuts the argument don’t do drunk” will be remembered monious, is going to part me from my advice on issues that do affect students that the campaign is a waste of the NUS’ much after six or seven pints of nut-brown ale. You can quote me on seriously and directly. A point diffi- money, as not a penny of the union’s London Pride. Time for the bar.

Continued from front page ers in perception too. The higher cost The University made only the fol- Both Paul Lewis and Anne …in the way that HE is funded be- to apply to and attend Cambridge lowing statement: “If in future we do Campbell MP encouraged under- pg L4 Travel fore the end of this parliament, the would create and maintain this image consider any changes to student fees, we graduates not to accept any propos- Varsity travels round the DfES admitted: “Hypothetically of Cambridge being for the wealthy - would remain committed to admitting al lying down. “I hope that students world to find there’s no place like speaking, if top-up fees were decided the very image those passionate about the most able students regardless of their will join me in campaigning against home on, legislation could be passed with- improving access across the univer- background or ability to pay fees”. top-up fees,” urged Campbell . While in a year,” coming into effect follow- sity are working so hard to break However Janet Graham, Head of the Lewis’ message to his fellow students pg L7 Stars ing the next general election. down. It would make the jobs of every- Cambridge Admissions Office, voiced was: “Unless we act today, we will be All new horoscopes as Steph Hawryla, elected last term as one involved in access in Cambridge her worries. “The implications upon out- denying the privilege of a Cambridge Varsity interprets the stars CUSU Access Officer, said: nearly impossible. To be a truly ac- siders’ perception of the University degree to thousands of future stu- “Introducing top-up fees are more cessible institution we must disband might not be good. It would not be easy dents. With determination and uni- than financial barriers, they’re barri- the fee and say no to top-up fees.” for our widening participation work.” ty, this is a fight we will win”. A 04 October 2002 NEWS 03 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk APPLICATIONS UP BUT “MORE TO DO” ‘Go for it!’ – that’s what I keep saying Oly Duff to people. We had 58 applicants from Another August, another dis- Eton this year – there are a lot of state gruntled failed Oxbridge appli- sixth-forms who wouldn’t have that cant in the national press. many students applying to university. 2002 was the case of deaf student We work with those schools and col- Anastasia Sedotova, who went on to leges to encourage more to apply. One

gain six A grades following rejection af- of the things that we’ve got to do is make Office Cambridge Admissions ter interview by Brasenose College in sure that more (good) students apply to Oxford. Such media coverage can at the university in the first place.” times give the impression that little is Sidney Sussex is by reputation one done to combat Oxbridge ‘access issues’. of the Cambridge colleges which has The story coming out of Cambridge is worked longest and hardest on access quite the opposite though. issues, and the fruits of its labour are be- “We have our schools liason work, ginning to become evident. The college summer schools, teachers’ conferences, had a 95 per cent increase in applica- the huge Oxbridge conferences and the tions last year, and the percentage of widening access stuff such as GEEMA state school pupils in their intake has (Group to Encourage Ethnic Minority risen from 45 per cent in 2000 to 57 per Applications) – it is all making a differ- cent in 2002 through a simple increase Year 11 and 12 students at a GEEMA summer school at Jesus College, organised by CAO ence,” says Janet Graham, Head of the in state applications. non-compulsive basis and only for a ‘middle-class white-male’ institution lies – in attracting significantly more Cambridge Admissions Office. “The “We believe in social justice and that those who are new to the system. unless it addresses the 49-51 female to applications from those with back- big changes will take time, but we had you will only get the best students if you Graham denies that admissions in- male ratio, which doesn’t look so close grounds who are traditionally under- 15 per cent more applications last year trawl as widely as possible,” says terviews are “scary”, calling them “one on a collegiate level when the all- represented, says Parkinson. than the year before. Admissions Director Richard Parkinson. of the big strengths of the admissions girls colleges are taken into account. “Every college needs more appli- “Image is a quite significant part of “We’re very pleased with the increased procedure at Cambridge”. She does Also the fact that two-thirds of those cations, period. From state schools, from access problems,” she says. “We have number of applications, and also with however state: “I think compulsory in- who achieve three As at A-level are independent schools, both. To get the to not only go out to schools to talk to the fact that 70 per cent came from the terview training would be useful” – from maintained sixth-forms doesn’t best students we have to recruit from the students, but also bring them here to see regions (outside London and the South- the first statement of its kind to come compare favourably with 53 per cent widest possible pool of applicants, and for themselves – give them an insight east). But there is still more to do.” from a figure in the CAO or University of UK-based Cambridge students we need the resources to do this. into the university so they can see that CUSU Access Officer Steph administration. “Things do change coming from that sector, though a fair “There’s currently significant gov- it’s not ‘scary ivory towers’. Hawryla will this year direct the cam- every year. There are equal opportu- look shows that they make up only 53 ernment finance available but with- “We still have the problem with paign for compulsory training for all nity issues and a lot of legislation com- per cent of applicants. There is clear- in three years the money dries up. some state schools saying to their pupils, those who will conduct admissions ing in that is very important.” ly much that can still be done within As a university we need to campaign ‘it’s not worth your applying to interviews – the current situation be- The university will likely find it im- the system itself, but it seems obvi- to continue this funding in order to Oxbridge’. What have they got to lose? ing that training is provided on a possible to alter its traditional type of ous where the most pressing problem continue our progress.”

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Rebecca Burton It’s with distress that I imagine But please. For the benefit of the concerns the fact that in Cambridge so bad that my friends still think I’m the scene unfolding as you read Freshers (and this is the Freshers’ is- the Students’ Union is not a building, incarcerated in a place where social- the headline of this article. If sue) let’s take a moment to talk and there is no ‘union’ bar. But sure- ising is banned and students have no you’ve been at this University Cambridge politics. More specifical- ly there’s a student union? The an- opinions. Although some might agree longer than five minutes, the ly, let’s talk about CUSU. swer will probably involve some with this wholeheartedly, for those chances are that you are fran- Freshers beware. When you go mumbling about a council that wants that don’t a more informed answer tically shredding your copy of home at Christmas you will probably a building but doesn’t have one, some may be a good idea. Varsity and cursing us for dedi- spend a lot of time trying to answer kind of obscure-democratic process What the hell is CUSU and what cating a whole page in the first two questions. The first concerns the (when, where or how you have no does it do? For both freshers and those issue to what has traditionally “well known fact” that everyone in idea) and some good looking guy who have not yet found it in them- been the most exasperating Cambridge is a genius and surely you from King’s you think you saw on a selves to care, Varsity introduces the

Rebecca Burton body in Cambridge. must hate all of them. The second poster at some point. My answer was definitive guide. What is CUSU? Breathing new life into the CUSU Ents machine

CUSU is The Cambridge both elected members and people with CUSU’s record here is chequered, Thursdays’ Urbanite at Coco (former- to pull off University-Wide piss-up. University Student Union. And that’s specialist skills who are co-opted to sit to say the very least. After the death of ly Toxic8), and most unpromisingly Lewis has declared war on formulaic all students, from every college. The on the committee by a vote during its flagship event, Creation, Paul Lewis’ with the disastrously re-named ‘Big cheesy disco events and the CUSU purpose of CUSU’s existence is two- CUSU council. success as President may well be judged Holy Noise’ at Cindy’s on Tuesdays. Freshers Event 2002 at the Junction fold: firstly, it represents student in- by his ability to deliver on Ents. And CUSU cards now mean discounts at looks like it may be a good start. There terests at a Uni-wide level, and sec- Opinions it will be no mean achievement to get The Cow, The Slug and Lettuce and could be trouble brewing though: ondly, it provides central services and The subject of CUSU holding students out of college and into the The Riverbar + Kitchen too. CUSU will be launching ‘Popstars’ in support. We’re all direct members just opinions has been a real point of con- wider world. This year sees a re-vamp This time round, CUSU may have Lent term, a Cambridge version of Pop by being Cambridge students, yet tention over the past couple of years, of the club and pub partnership gone some way to nailing the holy grail Idol complete with college heats and a there is also a federal element that most notably when the council de- schemes, most promisingly with of CUSU Ents, the hallowed but hard Uni-wide final. comprises JCRs (for undergraduates) bated the motion that CUSU should and MCRs (for grads) Hence CUSU condemn the war in Afghanistan. But can make its presence felt via both the CUSU can only hold an opinion if it CUSU college route and by providing serv- is passed by the Council and is hence ices directly. CUSU is also affiliated to representative of the whole student the NUS, so it’s through them that body. Since JCR and MCR presi- we’re all NUS members. dents and externals are the voices of colleges, any motion must technical- Structure ly be passed by every college. The On a practical level, CUSU policy motion on Afghanistan was not is directed by the infamous CUSU passed precisely because this cross- Council, although this can in theory campus consensus was not reached, be overruled by a referendum of the but by the time it was thrown out the ordinary membership. The council council had come under heavy fire typically meets 3 times a term (twice for ‘time wasting’. So fewer high pro- in exam term) and comprises repre- file debates like these and a ‘return sentatives of the colleges, independ- to relevance’ may well be the order ent campaigns, the faculty board and, of the day for the year ahead. importantly, the CUSU Executive committee. Commonly known as the Democracy SERVICES CAMPAIGNS WHO’S WHO ‘Exec’, the executive committee runs CUSU elections are held in Lent The need for student services has al- CUSU runs campaigns aiming to The big name in CUSU is un- CUSU on a day-to-day basis at the di- term every year. Although CUSU is ways been an area in which CUSU can ‘improve the situation of students’ by doubtedly Paul Lewis, CUSU rection of the council. This year the proud of its democratic record the gen- make its relevance felt. No-one is like- promoting awareness and representing President. He was elected out of a po- Exec is made up of 26 officers, each eral apathy amongst students and sub- ly to be more aware of this than Services student interest, using techniques rang- tential six last Lent. A Kings SPS stu- with their own area of expertise. Six of sequent low turn out has been a seri- Sabbatical Craig Wilkie, who beat his ing from mentoring schemes to publi- dent, he touts his big passion as access, these are sabbatical officers or ‘Sabbs’ ous cause for concern. Paul Lewis, opponent by only 200 votes after what cations, demos to petitions. They have and coupled this with ents promises – students or recent ex-students, elect- current CUSU President, received was, at least by Cambridge democra- achieved some degree of past success. in his winning campaign. This might ed by Uni-wide ballot, who are taking only 1,287 votes from a potential elec- cy standards, a relatively high profile The autonomous Women’s, ‘Lesbigay’ mean we also hear a lot from CUSU a year out to be paid employees of torate of 15,000. Each year a notable battle. He will certainly have his work and International Students’ campaigns access officer Steph Hawryla in the CUSU. The rest of the Exec is called number of positions are uncontested, cut out fulfilling his role in implement- have been high profile and encouraged coming year. And, more than likely, the part time Exec (since most officers as was the case with 4 of the 6 sabbat- ing the CUSU Ents vision. a notable level of student engagement. Ed Whiting, the man charged with un- are still studying), and is made up of ical posts last time round. CUSU chooses to give its photo- Most issues are covered by smaller cam- desirable job of keeping Cambridge copying facilities pride of place on the paigns, including the Anti-Racism, drunk and dancing. services webpage, which is a shame Students with Disabilities and Green since they do have more to offer than campaigns to name but a few. Many of this. Its services to societies are pretty the campaigns CUSU runs fall into the comprehensive, including the ever-pop- areas of Welfare and Academic Affairs

ular Fresher’s Fair and a re-designed di- both of which have their own Sabbatical Rowan Huppert rectory, as well as funding. They also officer. provide a plethora of phonelines and However, it has remained the more publications, and a counselling service. widely relevant campaigns, such as those But students continue to demand im- on rents and access, which provide the proved services and CUSU has been benchmark by which CUSU’s cam- attacked for wasting too much money paigning capacity is judged. The Target on handbooks which nobody really Schools campaign (to encourage more needs or uses. There may be some hope applications from state schools) and the in promising new projects like one to wider Access initiative are likely to be a make the website more ‘database ori- priority for Paul Lewis in the coming entated’. Either way, this year may well year – access was, after all, one of the

Caolyn Lund see some positive changes. two pillars of his election campaign… Severine Felley / Corporate Center / Geneva / April 2002 Unlimited global career opportunities

UBS is a leading global financial services firm serving a To meet our team and learn more about the unlimited opportunities diverse client base ranging from affluent individuals to at UBS, please join us at the event below: multinational institutions and corporations. We are an integrated group encompassing investment banking Event Company Presentation and securities, private banking, asset management and retail and corporate banking. Date Monday 14th October Time 18:30 It’s true that building a career in financial services demands a strong sense of self and determination. And that's what you'll Venue Granta Suite, Garden House Hotel, Granta Place need to take advantage of the wealth of opportunities and Mill Lane, Cambridge diversity of roles available. To register for either event, please sign up via the events calendar on our website. www.ubs.com/graduates 06 NEWS FOCUS 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk He didn’t sleep with the president, but… White House summer Intern Rob Jenrick gives an inside view of the Iraq crisis

When Condoleezza Rice, the US and the International Criminal Court logical weapons since the last thwart- National Security Advisor non- – they appear not to be. ed UN inspectors left Iraq seven years chalantly informed me over So it seemed to me unsurprising ago. From where I was standing, we breakfast in the White House that American motivations in Iraq could see that the pursuit and posses- Rob Jenrick that the decision to topple the have been portrayed cynically sion of these weapons are the basis and Taliban regime in Afganisthan abroad. However, it seems that oil, purpose of Saddam’s regime, and it was made whilst George Bush, the much touted ‘reason’ for US in- seemed highly unlikely that he would Tony Blair and herself were terest in the Middle-East, is not quite suddenly change. The threat must be striding away on tread-mills in as important as it is often claimed. answered and the old policy of con- the Camp David gym, I wasn’t Strategically it would be far easier for tainment by inspection and sanctions is particularly reassured about the the US, if oil were its prime motiva- entirely discredited: inspection by its competence of US government. tion, to lift sanctions and to normal- hollow reality and sanctions by their I spent this summer in Washington ize trade relations. With America fac- devastating humanitarian cost. Regime as an intern, as it concluded one conflict ing economic downturn and a serious change in Baghdad is the only way to in Afganistan and considered entering budget deficit, a war would in fact be ensure future peace and protection. a far more serious one in Iraq – an in- financially very damaging to the US. Ideally the United Nations should be

teresting time to be in the seat of pow- More likely, the pressure for change the channel for this task. Here in the UK, Rob Jenrick er. As America approached the first an- in Iraq is the result of the sense of it is widely believed that aligning poli- niversary of September 11th, with all the vulnerability created by September cy with the UN somehow bestows emotions and patriotism that stirred, it 11th which has led the Bush adminis- moral legitimacy to any military action. was obvious quite how much the But in reality, the key players in the American mind-set had been changed. “From where I was United Nations are just as hung up on However insular the world-view of standing, it was their own self-interests as the Americans. many Americans may remain, there is clear the pursuit Russia is owed billions of dollars by Iraq, a sense of vulnerability and a general and possession of who she still considers her gateway to awakening to the realities of the world the Middle East, while the French have beyond Ellis Island. weapons are the huge commercial interests in the Iraqi I saw that the Bush White House purpose of oil industry. All three have also been strongly reflects the reactions to those Saddam’s regime” driven by a deep resentment of concerns. But contradictions abound, American power – a sentiment which Rob Jenrick hobnobbing with National Security Advisor, Condoleezza Rice both in practical and moral terms. In tration to develop a new doctrine of hovers below the surface of much of left- socialism and fascism. Saddam and his In the sunshine of the August I listened to a crowd of young global security in the post-Cold War wing politics in Britain as well. clique are motivated purely by the de- Washington summer, I walked down US interns roar with approval when world which legitimizes ‘pre-emptive At a small rally off Capitol Hill I saw sire to maintain and exploit power. It the Mall to the Lincoln Memorial. the former Speaker, Newt Gingrich strikes’ to ensure international stabili- a girl proudly hold a banner aloft: “No is equally naïve to suggest, as Tariq Ali Here a previous generation of stu- declared President Bush to be a ty. But pre-empting the threat of More War: Let The People Live”. Here did at the rally in London, that “the dents had protested against another “hero” both for challenging Iraq and weapons of mass destruction has po- is one is the cruellest ironies of the pro- Iraqi people” should be left to deal with war – in Vietnam. But in 2002, global terrorism and for dismissing tentially concerning consequences as testors: in seeking to protect the Iraqi Saddam “themselves”, something they faced with the prospect of a nuclear global environmental efforts like a ‘New World Order’. Russia by the people they are condemning them to have no conceivable chance of achiev- challenge by an unjust ruler and pre- Kyoto. Inherent in this US mindset same rule could ‘pre-empt’ terrorism decades more of poverty and isolation ing. However inconsistent and uneth- sented with the opportunity of lib- is an inconsistency of purpose: a will- in Chechnya or Israel in Palestine. and denying them the very freedoms ical US foreign policy may have been erating a repressed nation, whatev- ingness to intervene in what is her- Nonetheless, with regards to Iraq the of speech and democracy, that they or may continue to be, a war to remove er the frailties of the US and its alded as enlightened paternalism old policy of containment through in- themselves are exercising. The gov- the current regime in Iraq holds the government it is wrong to appro- where their own interests are at risk spection has failed. Saddam has, as the ernment of Iraq is a corrupt, violent, best prospect of peace and prosperity priate the forces of moral populism and an isolationist self interest where evidence in Blairs’ dossier confirms, con- brutal dictatorship, rooted not in Islam for the Iraqi people after almost thirty against military action. This time, – as in the case of the environment tinued to pursue his nuclear and bio- but in the Ba’ath Party’s mishmash of years of brutal dictatorship. the moral case is, alas, for war. Who wants to be a Cambridge Fresher? Judith Finegold shares her freshers’ fears and term’s survival plan

My final year at secondary drunken misbehaviour. Although it was To take my mind off this nervous, wouldn’t be impressed with a mooing school has blurred for me into a difficult to decide whether to take their fluttery feeling I launched into pre- sandwich toaster?” she said breath- mix of exam panic, late nights anecdotes as horror stories or exciting University preparations. I became lessly. “In any case, at least my excit- and intense discussions about tales of student japes, I soon decided fixated on finding the perfect ing sandwich toaster will mean that post A-level plans. University or that whatever went on there, starting saucepans with blue shiny lids. I soon there will always be someone to talk factory assembly lines? Gap year college was a more interesting option noticed that I was not alone in my to.” It all seemed too good to be true, travelling or practical work ex- than sitting at home reorganising the strange cookware fetishes. As I until I realized that I myself would perience? family photo albums. scoured the shelves of Ikea, be less than overwhelmed to find my- Returning from Gap Year travels I But then, all of a sudden, the ru- Homebase and Habitat, a close friend self living next door to somebody began to realize that the time to go mours started. “All men at of mine was hunting high and low for whose only conversation was about to university had finally arrived. Cambridge are either bespectacled, perfect denim china. Another girl be- the design of her kitchen appliances. Through all those university open cardigan wearing tree huggers or came convinced that university life In the end though, I have to admit I days, the drawn-out UCAS proce- beer swilling womanizing rugby would not be worth living if she am quite looking forward to whatever dures and finally the dreaded inter- players.” This seems kind, howev- couldn’t paint her room the perfect it is that university life will bring. After views, the idea of arriving as a real life er, compared to the rumours of fel- shade of bright pink. a year away from studying, I’m excited student was one of those things you lows at Cambridge being replicas of It was easy to become wrapped up to be about to embark on a course I’ve thought about but never really be- their counterparts in ‘Porterhouse in these preparations but even I began always wanted to do. And I have to be- lieved was going to happen. Blue.’ This year I hope to prove false to feel that one friend had just gone too lieve that underneath all the neuroses A few weeks before going up to claims that Cambridge is a breeding far. Terrified at the idea of finding her- that go with being a fresher is the knowl- Cambridge though, I was starting to ex- ground of anti-social genii who will self a hermit in her room she decided edge that, however nervous I may be perience a healthy blend of fear and ex- refuse to talk to me for being more to purchase a sophisticated sandwich feeling, there are others who are just as citement. Then, the impatience began, worried about the differences be- toaster shaped like a cow which moos nervous as I am, with friends just as ir- as all my friends started to arrive at their tween Gucci and Gap than Garibaldi when the sandwich is ready. “I want to rational as mine, who I am sure I will

Joe Blaire universities and relay back stories of and genetics. make friends at university, and who have a great 3 years with. A 04 October 2002 PERSPECTIVE NEWS 07 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk WARONIRAQ:the climax of the Anglo-American love affair

Alex Gezelius and Esther Bintliff satellite television, then you are sure sibility of a war without the UN. It to be familiar with the question that will never happen. The whole issue The politicians said: If for some reason you’ve aban- is eclipsing even the stories of is farcical”? Or are we likely to see doned all forms of modern com- Hearsay’s breakup and John the implementation of Bush’s warn- Tony Blair: “Saddam has existing and munication over the summer, or ‘Mophead’ Major’s sex-life. ing: “Saddam must disarm, period. active military plans for the use of have been gallivanting around a The purpose of this page is to If, however, he chooses to do oth- chemical and biological weapons, tropical rainforest where TV and give you a selection of Cambridge erwise...the use of force may be- which could be activated within 45 newspapers were largely inac- student ‘perspectives’ on current af- come unavoidable”. News from minutes”. cessible, then you might, just pos- fairs; perhaps it will also offer ‘a Washington only last night would sibly, not know all about Saddam, sense of perspective’ on a topic that suggest the latter, as a leaked pro- George Bush: “We know the nature George, and Tony. is the present obsession of politi- posal drafted by American officials of Iraq’s dictator. We will not leave On the other hand if you have cians and journalists alike. Is it the implies Bush’s intention to use up- the future of peace and the security even glimpsed a broadsheet or case, as one Queens’ medic told me coming weapons inspections to de- of America in the hands of a cruel and chanced upon CNN on your hotel bluntly, that, “There’s no real pos- ploy US troops into Iraq. dangerous man.”

Tomer Schwartz Tim Stanley President of Cambridge CUSU Higher Education University Israel Society Funding Officer

War is nothing but an evil. Blair’s report on the Iraqi regime Any person who ever experi- made a cogent case for why enced the horrors of war would Saddam Hussein is a revolting des- be able to tell how desirable it is pot but failed to explain why mili- to avoid it as far as possible. tary action is the only method to However, some ruthless dictators depose him. around the globe believe that it is The destabilisation of the region possible to take advantage over (leading to a possible fundamentalist the sensitivity of democratic soci- coup at a time when Muslim fanatics eties for loss of lives and to make aren’t our best friends in the world), cynical use of this sensitivity long term troop commitment in a hos- against these societies. tile, proud nation with a far more de- It is the responsibility of the in- veloped infrastructure and army than ternational community to confront Afghanistan (á la Vietnam) and, most such dictators and protect its peo- of all, the possible deaths of thousands ple from the threat they present. By of innocent Iraqis and our own troops all means Saddam Hussein is a go unmentioned. leader who poses a risk no reason- Certainly the passages on human able person can ignore. In nearly rights abuse do remind us that to do

thirty years of his long ruthless Philip Griffin something about Saddam is our re- regime in Iraq, Saddam Hussein has sponsibility. After all we sold him the caused numerous humanitarian dis- weapons that he used against Kuwait, asters upon both his own people Different perspectives: Will going to war become a necessary evil? we backed him when he used gas on and other people of the Middle Iranians and we partly sponsored his East. Taking due steps, by anyone The Iraqi government could deliver disar- The UN’s constituent parts are countries coup in the 60s. who is competent to do so, to put mament, but never cooperate to bring about its own with their own aims, leaders and agendas so it’s in- History inevitably repeats itself as out the threats his regime presents, downfall. The US insistence on ‘regime change’ has re- evitable that they will focus less on the main issue farce. Doubtless in a month or two we is therefore of utmost importance. moved“ much of the Iraqi incentive to comply. Subversion “– which is that Saddam is a mentalist and could be shall all be watching our televisions with The impotence of the poorly - of the motive for the inspections has been accompanied ready to launch an attack in 5 years time – because antipathy as yet another oil rich coun- structured Security Council, where by subversion of their implementation. they’re more concerned with more local issues. try is liberated. With our boys cheering, States which play no major role The US infamously used UNSCOM for spying. With Certainly the US has its own agendas too...but as Gerri Haliwell, our very own Vera within the international communi- the passing of the ‘Iraqi Liberation Act’ in 1998, money was an example of what I’m saying, you’ve only got to look Lynn, will be belting out ‘Things Can ty may veto certain decisions, committed to bring about Saddam’s downfall. The Iraqi gov- at Gerhardt Schroder – he clearly used the Iraq issue Only Get Better’ to the beleaguered cit- should not be a reason to refrain ernment combined duplicity with an apparent conviction that to win the recent German election by opposing US pol- izens of Baghdad. Mr Bush certainly from defending citizens of other na- nothing they did could bring about the lifting of sanctions it icy; who knows whether he really supports or condemns can expect a rapturous response from tions. Saddam has never paid much restricted inspectors and access to several sites. Instead of seek- action against Saddam? For him the debate was a Iraqis as they claw desperately at the heed to Council’s Resolutions. ing a diplomatic solution, the West chose to bomb the coun- chance to eclipse his opponents by simplifying an emo- food packages that fall to the earth . Should his regime be saved by the try in Dec 1998. The inspectors were not readmitted. tive issue. The distance of war can make us same council that he has consis- The UN’s demand, that Iraq disarm, should be upheld. For Ultimately, it’s extremely dangerous for this region to blind and disinterested to its true na- tently defied? that reason, the world community should ensure that genuine have nuclear power. Current UN sanctions are only ture. It is not a thing of ‘smart bombs’ Such an offensive would only be inspections take place. We cannot afford to allow further sub- working to condemn innocent civilians, while the Iraqi and Prime Ministers posing elegantly justified as a last resort after all version, and certainly, we cannot afford to go to war until a elite escapes unscarred. War could end Saddam’s regime by polished tanks and chirpy looking peaceful means have been ex- diplomatic resolution of the crisis has been tried. and bring about the formation of real democracy.” tummies. It is a thing of blood, sweat, hausted. Furthermore, a double- Per Klevnas, Research Coordinator of the Campaign Peter Smith, second year law student, shit, urine, agony, burning villages and standard approach is neither desir- Against Sanctions on Iraq Queens’ College searing flesh, gas pouring down on in- able nor justified and if the Iraqi nocent people by desperate tyrants, lost regime is a candidate for forceful sons and bereaved mothers. It is Hell elimination, then similar standards An attack on Iraq without a new UN mandate” The current focus on Iraq distracts attention” from and I can but admire the men who can must be applied to other dictatori- would basically create a precedent which would hugely the real causes of terrorism in the world today, which are sleep soundly at night while planning al regimes which possess weapons weaken the power of the UN in the future. The stronger much more to do with the Middle East. I accept that the US to put an entire continent through that. of mass destruction. “the United Nations, the weaker Iraq will be... Tony Blair has“ probably reached the point of no return. It would be dif- It is to be hoped that if a deci- is the linchpin of the matter. He connects those UN coun- ficult for them to retreat from the hawkish position taken by Next weeks issue: sion to employ military measures tries that are most anti-war, with George Bush’s America. President Bush. We do still have the choice about whether Lectures: worth attend- were taken, it would genuinely be Now Bush has got the senate’s backing to use force as a we should follow the US. I would urge Britain not to engage ing? to the end of creating a safer world last resort...at this point I believe if Blair wasn’t acting as in any attack which is not properly sanctioned by the UN If you would like to contribute and not for the sake of some politi- a mediator between the two sides then the US might just and before giving Saddam the chance to show that he is com- on the issue email: cians’ popularity within their own go to war regardless. plying with the UNSCOM inspections. [email protected] nation. Padman Vamadevan, second year natural scientist ” Cambridge MP: Anne Campbell ” 08 NEWS 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk MORE THAN JUST A LICK OF PAINT? New Cambridge Union President Tom Kibasi promises to change the society both inside and out

Luke Layfield Union is involved, a strong note of cau- tion is advised. Kibasi’s proposals still To many the Union Society has have to be passed by the standing com- long represented the worst mittee, and he stresses, “people [at the stereotypes of Cambridge life, Union] have to want this to happen Rowan Huppert and its image has been associ- for it to become a reality.” ated primarily with the petty For those of you who have seen one politicking and insularity that too many Presidents promise much and has so often overshadowed its deliver little, it is comforting that Kibasi role as a worthy forum for cut- is at least talking the language of reform ting-edge political debate. in a way that none of his predecessors However, new President Tom in recent memory have done. Indeed Kibasi has promised to clean up last year’s only significant change was the image of the world’s oldest the abolition of black tie, only for it to student society by proposing be brought back in again in Easter term. “the most widespread reform of In contrast, Kibasi unambiguously states the Union’s constitution for that he aims to make the Union, “A func- over a decade.” tioning meritocracy where election is If successful, the most visible going to be based on what you stand for changes will concern the conduct of and not who your friends are,” a prom- HUGE: Tom Kibasi has big ideas for the Union ability that is more encouraging, and if elections, with the Union’s much ise that his Presidency will be judged on. think it was an issue that affected He is also keen to talk up the refur- Kibasi does what he says, he has the po- maligned electoral pacts being This of course suggests that the them.” Why the image of an elitist bishments that he has overseen during tential to make the Union an open so- banned, “to ensure that the best peo- Union wasn’t already meritocratic, and self-absorbed Union bothers him the summer, “most of the building has ciety that all its members can be proud ple take positions at the Union.” The but the Trinity man refuses to lay any more than those previously in charge been completely refurbished and the of. One step he has already taken is to proposals would also mean that of the blame on past Union inertia, “I however, we are left to guess. bar now has a new juke box, quiz ma- clearly set out the Union’s running costs manifestoes would be distributed at don’t think the Union has been un- Perhaps it has something to do with chine and a new pool table.” However, in the Freshers’ guide, in order “to make debates, as well as allowing a certain democratic, but there has been a lack the manner of his own, unopposed elec- for most it will take more than a coat it clear that £75 actually represents very amount of canvassing, with the aim of transparency. These changes are a tion. Indeed he admits, “image-wise it of paint to mask the pervasive culture good value for money.” Unlike the 224 of “making the Union’s democrat- process of opening up.” But why then was not helpful,” but stresses, “I want of backroom dealings, which has Freshers who already joined before ic process more obvious.” hasn’t change come before? Tellingly elections to be contested and I hope that plagued the Union in the past. coming up to Cambridge, it would be Despite the bold talk, as is always the his only, rather weak defence of past as a result of these changes that more It is the long-overdue internal reform wise to see if Kibasi acts on his promis- case where the internal politics of the Presidents is a claim that, “I don’t people will put themselves forward.” of the Union’s openness and account- es before you sign that cheque. This is Citigroup.

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© 2002 Salomon Smith Barney Inc. Member SIPC. Citigroup and the Umbrella Device are trademarks and service marks of Citicorp and are used and registered throughout the world. Salomon Smith Barney and Citibank are affiliated companies under the common control of Citigroup. Citibank and Salomon Smith Barney are equal opportunity employers M/F/D/V. 10 SATIRE 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Not inside this issue... EXAM REVIEW SPECIAL THE WAFFLE TREE pg 2 University Examination Board confirms: no marks actu- ally awarded for spelling own name correctly; Philosophy stu- dent to appeal LOONIE LEFTIES LOOM The inevitable summer PRESS COMPLAINTS changeovers in several key Meanwhile, the Editor of Varsity, student posts have resulted in the non-CUSU student newspaper a worrying shift in power in (which TWT unfortunately must be the prominent world of published in to ensure sufficient cir- Malcolm Apropos Cambridge student politics. culation), also hails from Chapel The infamous ‘Chapel College’ College. She too has big ideas and has (many fear that saying the actual laced her Varsity team with comrades name may result in death, or worse, from the college. It has been ru- being forced to live in a socialist moured that as many as four Section state) has spewed forth a significant Editors are Chapel College buddies proportion of those with influence whilst ‘Katy’ Long (her forename was in the dog-eat-dog world that is the changed three years ago for legal rea- self-proclaimed Cambridge elite. sons following a stint at the With both the student union and Canterbury Cathedral Times) could the only independent university- have significant influence in her po- wide publication infected, the hon- sition as Editor. One employee of the est, God-fearing population of printing company responsible for

Tom Walters Tom Cambridge’s more traditional col- Varsity’s publication informed TWT leges have good reason to be shit- that Long had asked if she could have pg 4 ‘Smarties may not in fact ting their pants. the newspaper printed on red-tinted have the answer’ – Nestle’s shock- paper. Even subliminal influence is ing admission in response to third PEDIGREE not beyond these people. class student’s angry letter Whilst English-Spanish mongrel Paul ‘Lewlew’ Lewis is CUSU top RED-FACED pg 7 ‘That guy next to me in dog, he also has in his team ‘Red’ Rumours filtering through from all my exams was blatantly Rachel Barker as Access Officer. Chapel College have hinted that checking me out’ – finalist fails Many insiders fear that Miss Barker Lewis and Long have held regular course but succeeds in love will abuse her position to ensure a meetings and are planning a co-ordi- disproportionate number of nated two-pronged attack on the good pg 10 When I Forgot my Cambridge entrants are from the al- people of this university. When Miss Colouring Pencils: second year ready over-represented (in society, Long was asked if she was getting into Who do you think you are kidding Mr Commie? geographer recounts exam if you ask me) Ginger Clan. As for bed with the CUSU President she ap- er issued a statement saying he was to God knows what lengths. It is the nightmare Lewis, his CUSU election campaign peared confused: ‘Huh? Urrgh – no! busy working on the ‘Quality Ents that duty of the Telegraph-reading major- suggested that he will not quit until I wouldn’t even kiss him, his face is all you deserve’, whatever that means. ity to put a stop to this take-over bid pg 12 Failing first year lawyer he’s painted Cambridge town red in hairy.’ The metaphor was unfortu- As is always the case in these situ- before this university’s proud histo- attempts to sue Faculty of Law; every possible sense (except the nately lost on Long who quickly re- ations, on whatever scale, these sniv- ry of conservatism, over-representa- fails literal sense, obviously). turned to her headline writing. Lewis elling little shits have wormed their tion of public schools, and elitism is was unavailable to comment but lat- way into power and will now abuse it lost forever. FRESHERS’ FAIR UNDER FIRE FOR INTER-SOCIETAL RIVALRIES

CUSU’s annual Freshers’ Fair, This year’s unofficial competition visited the Freshers’ Fair, the el of CUSU top-bods, takes into ac- favourite, Cambridge University taking place later this week, is looks set to trump all previous years Cambridge University Music Service count not only the quality of the New Negotiations to Instigate Lower again to be tainted by what with past winners challenged by sev- is once more odds-on to win the acronym, but also its authenticity, Intake of New Graduates and many see as the childish com- eral promising newcomers. Still an yearly battle. The judging, under- and the success of the society inde- Undergraduates Society. Whilst petition between societies. old favourite with all who have ever taken in secret by an unknown pan- pendent of its acronym. The music there are plenty of fresh challengers Long the domain of lollipops, service remains favourite because it to the title, the Blues netball team pens, and other tacky shit, the is a bona fide society, and one of continue to defy reason, and a sure- fair in Kelsey Kerridge will CUSU Cambridge’s most successful. Other fire chance at acronym-war glory, host all of Cambridge candidates for victory include – per- by referring to themselves as a net- University’s biggest societies, haps somewhat tastelessly named – ball club. vying for first year custom Kelsey Kerridge Karate, the society This underground battle, as old with their multi-coloured ban- of Bisexuals, Lesbians and as time itself (well, as old as the ners, functionless freebies, and Transsexuals, and several other less Freshers’ Fair anyway), may be crit- of course attention-grabbing amusing TLAs (Three Letter icised by those who see it as petty abbreviations. Acronyms). and immature but it looks set to con- Attempting to boost their mem- Amongst the new contenders this tinue for years to come. The bership numbers, the university’s stu- year: the appropriately named acronym war has its function, pro- dent organisations resort to innu- Trinitarians Organising Relief for viding freshers and the unfortunates merable and varied methods to outdo Yanks and The War Against Terror who have to run the stands at the fair their opposition, predominantly man- and Saddam, the Cambridge Higher with light relief from all that e-mail ifesting their rivalry by seeking to dis- Education Entertainment Syndicate address writing down and sweet giv- play the most amusing acronym. It’s not big; it’s not clever of Ents-officers, and bookies’ ing, respectively. If you have any questions, queries, or comments about The Waffle Tree, please do not hesitate to contact [email protected]

The Waffle Tree does not exist, but if it did (which it definitely doesn’t, by the way), it would be entirely fictional in content A 04 October 2002 EDITORIAL NEWS 11 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Editorial: drawing the battle lines

Cambridge faces potential ca- much of the British public, an out- tastrophe. The University in- dated, elitist educational institution tend to start charging students exclusively for the rich and well-con- up to an extra £4000 a year in nected. At least at the moment it is up-front tuition fees, and possible to battle against this as a while some may argue over mis-conception. But a privatised terminology in an attempt to Cambridge really will be elitist, full confuse the issue, it is nothing of students deemed to deserve hon- less than privatisation. ours only because Mummy and Privatisation. In short, a be- Daddy can pay. trayal of the very principles Perhaps the ultimate insult is that upon which Higher Education the University have refused to dis- should be based- the idea that cuss the funding crisis openly and education is a right, and not a honestly- their private agendas are privilege. clearly paving the way for top-up Before assuaging your middle- fees to be presented as a fait accom- class apathy with the comforting re- pli, but their public statements on assurances that only those who can the matter are vague, ambiguous pay will have to, remember the and evasive. facts. The University got itself into Yet the writing is clearly on the this financial mess. In four years it wall. Now we have to act. If ever will be facing an annual deficit of an issue in student politics was worth £20 million. And you really be- fighting over, this is it. To allow top- lieve that they will fund all those up fees to be introduced would be who can’t afford to pay an extra tantamount to sleepwalking into dis- £12000 pounds over three years? aster. Sometimes, you have to for- Forget it. The point of the exercise get your management consultancy is to make money. And in the rush ambitions, and stand up and fight. to squeeze money from students, the Varsity urges Cambridge University rich will pay and the poor will end to provide a full and open account up staffing supermarket check-out of its plans for future student fund- counters instead. ing, and urges the students to shout Cambridge already has a severe from the rooftops. Because if we image problem: it is, in the eyes of don’t, we’ll all be screwed.

Win an AlphaSmart 3000 ! - win simply answer the following Letter of the week Finish your essay wherever you question: The winner of the letter of the week receives two free tickets to the Arts Picture House like, even in the pub. The AlphaSmart is a new light- How many players are there on a CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS RE- of $66,560,000.00 was lying in a sus- pensated with 25% for assistance and weight portable computer companion canoe polo team? LATIONSHIP OF THE TRANS- pense account, although the foreign services. that has been designed with us students FER OF US $46,560,000.00 contractors were fully paid their en- This transaction is closely knit- in mind. With its easy-to-use keyboard Please send your entries to ATTN.: THE MANAGING DI- titlements after executing the said con- ted and in view of our SENSITIVE it can store 100 pages of text and even [email protected] RECTOR / CEO. tracts [ey?]. We all agreed that the POSITION we cannot afford a slip, includes a built-in spell-checker, per- over-invoiced amount be transferred I assure you that this transaction is fect for late night essay crises and those Dear Sir, [I’m sure you did] (for our own use) 100% risk free. We will avail you with long hours in the library. I decided to solicit your assistance [aaah I see] into a bank account pro- our identities, when relationship is The AlphaSmart can be all yours as regards the transfer of the above vided by a foreign partner. fully established and smooth opera- for just £205 inc. P&P. To get your stated amount into your bank account. We are therefore seeking your tion commences. hands on one contact LT Scotland on This fund arose from the over-in- assistance on the balance amount of We will use our own share of the 08700 100 297 or for more informa- voicing of various contracts awarded US$46.560M, which can be speedi- money to establish a lucrative firm in tion please visit www.alphasmart.co.uk. in my parastatals [sic] to certain for- ly processed into your nominated your country. Varsity has one AlphaSmart 3000 eign contractors some time ago. bank account. On successful remit- Yours truly, ALHAJI MUSA to give away to one lucky reader, to Also we discovered that the sum tance of the fund, you will be com- BELLO

The A Team : If you would like to contribute to Varsity, come find us at the freshers’s fair or email us for details:

Editor: Katy Long [email protected] News Editors: Luke Layfield, Jonny Mather [email protected] Chief News Editor: Oliver Duff [email protected] News Analysis Editors: Gabbie Bradfield, Rebecca Burton [email protected] Living Editor: Julia Mason [email protected] News Perspective Editor: Esther Bintliff, Alex Gezelius [email protected] Arts Editor: Louisa Thompson, Martha Housden [email protected] Satire Editor: Malcolm Apropos [email protected] Cartoonist: Joe Harris Business Manager: Tim Nixon [email protected] Technical Director: Tim Harris Science Editors: Celine Tinloi [email protected] Company Secretary: Diana Tapp Fashion Editors: Miranda Higham, Helen Kearney [email protected] Interviews Editors: Polly Buchanan, Gavin Kermack [email protected] Design Manager: Tori Flower [email protected] Food Editor: Jamie Douglas [email protected] Production Managers: Tom Walters, Phil Earis [email protected] Travel Editor: Katy Jackson [email protected] Stars Editor: Nicola Sharratt [email protected] Online Webmaster: Lawrence Tailby [email protected] Online Editor: Fran Turner [email protected] Theatre Editors: Emma Charlton, Jenni Courtney [email protected] Photos Editor: Rowan Huppert [email protected] Film Editor: Tom Armitage [email protected] Associate Photos Editor: Kieran Drake Music Editors: Gbenga Adelekan, Martin Hemming [email protected] Subeditors: Fran Rooney, Darshan Brambaht Classical Music Editor: Jo Kirkbride [email protected] Literature Editor: Michael Ledger-Lomas [email protected] Snr Design Consultant: Will Hill Visual Arts Editor: Liz Maling [email protected] Design Consultants: Debbie Barrow, Claire Parker, Gemma Partridge, Gary White Sport Editors: Tim Jarratt [email protected] 12 LISTINGS 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

SWEET SIXTEEN [18] SWEET SIXTEEN [18] Earn Money 1.15, 3.45, 6.00, 8.20 2.15, 4.45, 7.00, 9.20 HAPPY TIMES [15] HAPPY TIMES [15] As Our Listings Saturday 1.00, 7.00 1.00, 3.00 MA FEMME EST UNE ACTRICE IVANS XTC [18] University [15] 5.00 Entertainment 3.00, 9.00 SUNRISE [PG] Representative IVANS XTC [18] 9.15 5.00 Telephone: 01763 209231 Friday Arts Picture House Music THE TIGGER MOVIE [KIDS CU RockSoc: www.entnetuk.com CLUB] Wake Up Screaming: Rock and metal 11.00am clubnight (old and nu). ROAD TO PERDITION [15] Monday Kambar. Lisa Frear 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 9pm. £2.50/3.50. Arts Picture House A NIGHT AT THE OPERA [U] Fitz Ents present RED SHIFT: Secretarial Services ROAD TO PERDITION [15] 11.10pm Arts Picture House DJ Hype, Rawganics & the best party COPY TYPING: 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 SWEET SIXTEEN [18] ROAD TO PERDITION [15] in Cambridge this year! ¥ thesis ¥ essays ¥ assignments A NIGHT AT THE OPERA [U] 1.15, 3.45, 6.00, 8.20 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 Fitzwilliam College. • CV’s ¥ tables ¥ charts 11.10pm TAPE [15] SWEET SIXTEEN [18] 9pm. £8adv/£9 door. ¥ graphs, etc. SWEET SIXTEEN [18] 10.45pm 2.15, 4.45, 7.00, 9.20 Fitz Ents present RED SHIFT: Discounted rates for students 1.15, 3.45, 6.00, 8.20 HAPPY TIMES [15] HAPPY TIMES [15] DJ Hype, Rawganics & the best party TAPE [15] 1.00, 7.00 1.00, 5.00 in Cambridge this year! Pick-up / Collection 10.45pm MA FEMME EST UNE ACTRICE MA FEMME EST UNE ACTRICE Fitzwilliam College. Contact: 01480 496169 or HAPPY TIMES [15] [15] [15] 9pm. £8adv/£9 door. 0776 4894500 1.00, 7.00 3.00, 9.00 3.00, 9.00 [email protected] MA FEMME EST UNE ACTRICE IVANS XTC [18] IVANS XTC [18] [15] 5.00, 11.00pm 7.10 with 3.00, 9.00 YogaYoga Barbara Harding IVANS XTC [18] Wednesday Mondays 5.00, 11.00pm 4.30–5.40pm Beginners at Old Labs Newnham College 6.00–7.30pm General at Old Labs Newnham College 8.00–9.10pm Beginners at St Marks Hall, Barton Road Misc Sunday Tuesday Arts Picture House Tuesdays www.cambridgesalsa.com: ROAD TO PERDITION [15] 4.15–5.25pm Beginners Astanga at Old Labs Newnham College Salsa dance classes x 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 5.45–7.15pm General at St Marks Hall, Barton Road Absolute beginners to advanced, every Arts Picture House Arts Picture House SWEET SIXTEEN [18] Thursdays week. No partner needed. DEVDAS [PG] ON THE WATERFRONT [PG] 2.15, 4.45, 7.00, 9.20 6.00–7.00pm Beginners at St Marks Hall, Barton Road 7.00–8.15pm General at St Marks Hall, Barton Road St Columbas Halls, 4 Downing Place, 12.15 1.30 HAPPY TIMES [15] Student price £3.50 per class. Term 8 classes CB1 behind Lion Yard Car Park. ROAD TO PERDITION [15] ROAD TO PERDITION [15] 1.00, 5.00 Tel: 020. 7289 1712 / 078 038 91709 6pm. £4. 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 E-mail: [email protected]

THE GLASSWORKS HEALTH, FITNESS + LIFE • student offer no joining fee Freshers’ Squash Fancy writing for Varsity? • limited numbers available • students pay nothing during summer vacation Get involved with writing, production or Varsity Online • gymnasium • sauna + steam room Varsity’s looking better than ever but • jacuzzi by the river • aveda treatments we want you to come along and get involved • studio classes (yoga, • sports massage We’re holding our annual mega- squash on Tuesday 15th October pilates + more) • air conditioned thompsons lane 01223 305060 Location: River Bar + Kitchen opposite magdalene college (See Katy’s map!) Time: 7pm onwards Details: Booze, booze and a chance to meet the team

www.theglassworksgym.co.uk Katy Long varsity living I’ dy ra,provocative and urban, “It’s edgy, “The studentsatKing’s were a - Martin Bell interview page Bellinterview 3 - Martin deeply ironic (?)” very oddvery bunch” - Fashion page 8 L2 LIVING FOOD & DRINK 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk BORED OF BEANS ON TOAST? Jamie Douglass provides an idiot’s guide to feeding yourself

I have always thought that the tude, then someone (totally pissed) of Ainsley ‘he’s a riot’ Harriott. Just Get fat: win crisps ‘Student’ section of Ready Steady would have to make an edible meal don’t get carried away with it all and Cook was a little misleading – not, from a bag of pasta older than start using words like ‘pukka’. You’re To help you out when your recipies go tragically awry, Varsity are offering shall we say, representative of how Methuselah himself, a bottle of not fooling anyone, you know. Enjoy. a years supply of McCoy’s crisps to one winner and six-months supply to a students will ever actually cook. ketchup, and half a can of flat Stella. All of the recipes below fall into the runner up. Just send your recipies to [email protected]. The most de- For those of you who have better On one hob. Using one dirty pan. In half hour category or thereabouts, and serving effort will secure the cholesteral sodden treats, perfect post-pub fod- things to do in the daytime than watch the dark. only require the intellectual calibre der or gapfillers between lectures. If you’re more into bars than kitchens then BBC2, they give their students a Somewhere between pasta alla bir- and culinary skills of Winnie-the-Pooh email your drunken exploits to www.beertrophyamnesty.co.uk where weekly £2.50 budget, a nice clean kitchen, ra piatta and the culinary delights of to follow. For those who have got past prizes of a year’s supply of crisps are also on offer to a lucky few. If you’ve and a competent chef to do the actu- Ready Steady Cook are these recipes that the beans-on-toast stage, please be pa- a really outrageous tale then you’ve the chance to win a weekend away in al cooking. No wonder it works. If they you might knock up in a student tient. More challenging stuff on the either Amsterdam or Dublin. really wanted to strive for verisimili- kitchen, but that don’t require the aid way throughout the term. Pasta alla Cantabria

Most student dishes may revolve around pas- under any circumstances, use a garlic micelli, or fettucini. When the onion Rowan Huppert ta, but there’s no need for them to be bor- crusher. It makes it bitter, and you starts to brown, and the bacon has ing as well. Nor do you have to use those ir- might as well just forget the whole cooked (you’ll be able to smell it), ritating ready-made sauces that Sainsbury’s thing. Finally, finely chop 4 or 5 rash- add a can of chopped tomatoes. Cans seems to have so many of. For a good, cheap, ers of bacon. Pancetta is nicer, but costs of plum tomatoes are cheaper, but are quick pasta dish, try this: too much in England. Italians think mostly water – false economy. So use Boil the kettle. It’ll save about ten of pancetta as off-cuts, trimmings. Why the chopped. Add some more salt, and minutes. Whilst it’s boiling, stick a fry- do we pay so much? Because we’re about five teaspoons of sugar. Trust me ing pan with a glug of olive oil on a gullible fools. By now, the pan will have here. If you have a basil plant, cos your medium heat, and finely chop a large heated, so whack in the onion, and stir mum thought it would look nice, now onion – colour up to you. Red onions to coat in the oil. In about two minutes, is the time to tear of some of the leaves are sweeter, and give good background it will become slightly translucent. This and throw them in. Don’t use any dried flavour. White onions are sharper, and is what they call ‘frying off’. Now put herbs, because they won’t have time to you can taste them more definitely. To in the garlic and bacon, and a good rehydrate. Turn the heat down, and finely chop, slice in half, then put each shake of salt and black pepper. Put a simmer till thick. Test the pasta. Pasta half on its flat side. Make four or five saucepan on the other ring (you do turns quickly from crunchy to over- slices lengthways, almost down to the have two, don’t you? Hope so) and fill done, so test it frequently from now on. root, but leave half an inch. Then chop from the (now boiled) kettle. Add a When done, drain, and pour into the several times crossways, and the layers good few shakes of salt, and bring back now thick sauce. Stir, and serve. Done. will do the rest for you. There, minced to the boil. Then add about 500g of any Serves 2 to 4, depending on gender and onion. Now mince some garlic. Do not, short pasta. Don’t use spaghetti, ver- greed. No need to suffer the little children at The Green Man

I like Grantchester. It has a pleasing sister, the Red Lion, which lies just tripped by 3-yr-old Callum whilst When it was taken over, the brew- not tasteless or rubbery inside. A olde-worldness, a sense that it has some- across the road, and is bigger, with his older brother runs round the cor- ery just changed the prices. And art- quite nice, subtle flavour, in fact. how been dragged from the 1930’s, trees car parking and a beer garden. The ner to head butt you in the balls like fully scattered some dirt around. Whitebait should be to Scampi what that were made for sunlight to dapple, answer is simple. The Green Man a pygmy Phil Mitchell. It means eat- So it comes as something of a wel- a steak is to a Big Mac, and this and meadows that you can imagine will not allow children under 14 to ing your meal to a background ca- come relief to discover a village pub passed. There were, in fact, a lot of Rupert Brooke dreamily constructing cross the threshold, whereas the oth- cophony that leads you to think that that not only bars children from its en- mains that I wanted to try, but I daisy chains in. I get the impression that er one bills itself as a “family pub”. Herod had a point. It’s not that I claves, but also doesn’t look like the felt I had to go for the home-made they only have cars and pylons because Do you know what that means? Yes, don’t like children, I just think that set of a particularly bad production of fare, so plumped for the Chicken they were tricked into it by Jeffrey Archer. it means tired looking fathers being – like masturbation, keyhole sur- Cold Comfort Farm. And, best of all, it’s Lasagne. It also sounded interesting. Now, Grantchester has three ex- told not to have another drink by gery, and talking about Star Trek – Lasagne is a boring dish. Chicken is cellent pubs. Well, two excellent haggard mothers with vomit stains they shouldn’t be allowed near me “It’s a relief to find a boring meat. So why would you pubs, and one that tries hard. The on their shoulders. It means that just when I’m trying to eat. put a combination of the two on first time I ever went there, I won- when you have collected your round Unfortunately, in England, the al- a country pub that your specials board? Well, it was dered hard how the Green Man and are trying to negotiate the way ternatives are not always great ei- doesn’t look like very well made indeed. Good lumps managed to compete with its ugly back to your table, you get artfully ther. The English Rural Pub-cum- the set for Cold of chicken – not dry – a good white restaurant, as opposed to its urban sauce to surround the pasta sheets, cousins, tends to revolve around the Comfort Farm” which stayed carefully away from tried and tested ‘Harvester’ model. being too floury, and a good cheese I’m sure you’ve been forced to eat a pub with rather good food. Real crust. They have, in fact, made an in a Harvester at some point, and food, as opposed to the everything- interesting lasagne – and a very you will also have endured the up- and-chips menu of most hostelries. palatable one, at that. It did come market equivalent. The difference is The Green Man hides its front en- with chips, but then, you have to in the scythes on the wall (which trance coyly, and conceals the bow to tradition somewhere. If the rest have authentic dirt where the restaurant off to the side of the main of the home-made food is as good, Harvester staff would have cleaned), building – it’s surprisingly large, in and I suspect it is, then I would rec- and the price of a pint. Very occa- fact, belied by the cosiness of the ommend eating here. It is perfectly sionally, they will give you your beer wooden beams, low ceiling et al. For placed to break up the long round in a silly glass. My local has been whilst this isn’t a Country pub, it is trip that Grantchester entails, and it taken over by a large brewery. Being still a Country Pub, if you get my is not pricey at all. It can be a pub a village pub, it used to have pitch- drift. The restaurant section is re- or a restaurant, and surprisingly does forks hanging on the wall, and sepia moved enough from the bar that you both well. And if you really want to, photos of groups of local bumpkin- don’t get disturbed by those there you can go through to the bar sec- ry engaged in dwile-flonking, or only to drink, and there are almost tion, and if you look carefully at the bogle-clenching, or whatever it is as many specials as there are dishes ceiling, you’ll find something to that country folk actually did before on the menu. I had the whitebait to make you feel right at home. Yep,

Tom Walters Tom the invention of tractors and incest. start, which was good – crispy, and it’s a scythe. A 04 October 2002 INTERVIEW LIVING L3 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS Katy Long meets journalist turned politician Martin Bell

Martin Bell. The man in the white suit. progression very much in the blunt istent, having disappeared along with The neat image of the Bosnian war re- manner of the battle-weary: “One the foreign reporting on national porter who turned moral crusader to bat- day there’s a revolution somewhere, news broadcasts. As he writes in his tle against Parliamentary sleaze in gen- or a war, and if you don’t screw up, new book, “It is possible these days Kieran Drake Kieran eral and Neil Hamilton in particular. But or get screwed, if you don’t shout at to enjoy a very successful career as a beyond the obvious implicit symbolism of the foreign editor and throw a virtual foreign correspondent, with- the ever-present white, the essence of out actually travelling very far, doing Martin Bell is difficult to pinpoint. It is “The role of very much or taking any risks.” difficult to understand why, having spent journalism is to Indeed, Bell’s new crusade is to over 30 years reporting on some of the wage war against the ‘dumbing- twentieth century’s bloodiest conflicts, he tell the truth, as down’ of television. Talking about this left the BBC in 1997 to turn politician, much as you can present concern, there is a passion fighting an historic Tatton by-election see it” and intensity missing in the detached campaign against Neil Hamilton. observer of the past. His Tatton Arriving late for our interview, full tantrum, then you get a reputation nemesis, Christine Hamilton, is ap- of apologies (and wearing one of the for being a safe pair of hands, and pearing on I’m a Celebrity...Get me out white suits), his pronounced limp and you go to another one.” of Here, and Bell comments wryly, “I scarred face give the impression of The effect of these countless wars never knew how much trouble ITV an old soldier. Bell spent many of his and revolutions is most discernible were in until they started bringing out early years in Cambridge, first at the when I press him on the motivation that nonsense.” News 24 is also dis- Ley’s School and then at King’s for such a career – is the danger part missed: “I don’t think there’s much where he read English. He was not a of the attraction? He answers im- call for it. It has a tiny audience, costs typical King’s student of the 1960s. mediately, “I never felt that. No.” On 50 million a year. Now that could be spent in many better ways.” points out that “the coalition then in- just another lying politician.” Asking The conversation turns to Bell’s cluded Syria, the Egyptians, the him if he intends to stand for other career – the four years he spent Saudis… everybody. And I can’t be- Parliament again, the answer is: as an MP for Tatton, having ousted lieve we are going to go to war as lieu- “Never say never. But it would have Kieran Drake Kieran Neil Hamilton from the fourth safest tenants of the Americans with no- to be a very important cause.” Tory seat in the country in 1997. body else.” He adds, “I don’t think At the moment, he spends his time Before the offer was made, he says he we’ll do it. There’s no support; you “running round the world for had never considered standing as an can’t just bypass the United Nations UNICEF”, having just returned from MP, but when the offer came, “I did- when you feel like it.” He maintains a trip to Malawi; discussing his vis- n’t even think about it… I knew I’d this when pressed further, but admits its to schools for street children in kick myself if I didn’t stand.” He that Britain’s ‘special relationship’ Africa, you see another, but equal- expected to lose, and it was only on with America is dangerous. “We are ly determined, side to Bell. This, in polling day that he sensed something in danger of becoming what the was in the air: “The reason I won was Bulgarians were to the Warsaw “It’s your future. people were really angry [with Pact… the most loyal unquestioning So if you don’t like Hamilton], including a lot of the ally”. Of the War on Terrorism and it go do something Tories”. Of Hamilton himself, he says its ugly manifestations such as Camp about it” only that some of his behaviour was X-Ray, he is wary, warning starkly, “corrupt” and that he is “not a very “I think one of the real risks here is the end, is as close as you get to un- admirable man.” that in protecting yourself against a derstanding what motivates him: He draws parallels between the ca- very real threat, you sacrifice the val- Martin Bell thinks for himself, how- reerism now endemic in politics with ues you are trying to defend.” ever enigmatic that may make him. that present in journalism. “I think He is realistic about the state of Thus his response when asked about both politics and journalism attract British politics. “There is a profound the political apathy of today’s youth “They were a very odd bunch… I the role of journalism in war, he is the same sort of people, very driven, disaffection with party politics in this “I would simply say: it’s your future. mean King’s was a hard bed of the equally succinct and telling: “It’s sim- who will try to succeed at each oth- country,” he says, pointing to Dr So if you don’t like it go do some- left in those days.... but I just loved ple. It’s to report. To tell the truth, as Richard Taylor’s election for thing about it.” the chapel.” much as you can see it.” Martin Bell “There is a risk Kidderminster in 2001 as an As he leaves, I am left trying to de- Asked about his time at is, you realise, a man who speaks that in protecting Independent, despite his own loss in cide what I think of him. He is a man Cambridge, Bell talks of an “enor- with absolute certainty. He makes up Brentwood. Although he admits to who lives and is motivated very much mous sense of privilege,” but with a his mind. yourself you regretting not standing for a second by the present. But really, there is degree of unease with certain ele- He says he quit journalism in 1997 sacrifice the term in Tatton, he continues, “But I’d only one thing I can say with cer- ments of Cambridge ‘society’, par- because he wasn’t enjoying it any- values you are regret it even more if I had stood. tainty: there is far more to Martin Bell ticularly the Union. “I went to a cou- more and it was getting more dan- trying to defend” Then people would have said I was than a white suit. ple of debates, but it was listening gerous. But six years have obvious- to imitation House of Commons de- ly mellowed the disillusionment he er’s expense.” The ever-present New bates. I didn’t like it. I don’t like ar- felt with the BBC, and he sees their Labour spin was, he says, noticeable

parting as simply the passing of the in the House of Commons. “There Drake Kieran “The students at old guard. “Sooner or later in tele- was a much higher proportion of King’s were a very vision, you wake up and you find really creepy people in Parliament odd bunch” your face doesn’t fit anymore… I was than in the population at large.” He 56 before this happened to me, so I lays at least some of the blame at the tificial hostility between people. It was lucky.” door of the party system: “Having to just doesn’t relate to the real world,” He shows simultaneously both pity vote for things you don’t believe in, he concludes emphatically. and contempt for today’s war re- agree with policies you don’t agree Certainly not to Bell’s real world. porters: “I was lucky, I lived in an age with… it’s very bad for the soul.” Even as a child his mind was set on mostly of witnessed wars. It’s differ- This leads to talk of Iraq, and the becoming a journalist (“As a kid I had ent now – the war in Afghanistan, possibility of invasion. Bell declares a very low boredom threshold, and you’ve got no idea…” All the more animatedly, “This nonsense about de- it’s a great job for somebody with a reason, then, to value independent claring war on Iraq is the first time low boredom threshold”), and he lat- reporting, yet Bell’s view is that in the I’ve wanted to be an MP again.” er worked as a foreign correspondent ‘new-generation’ of correspondents, Speaking from his own experiences for the BBC. He describes his career ‘old-fashioned reporting’ is non-ex- as a reporter during the Gulf War, he L4 LIVING TRAVEL 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk WELCOME TO THE WORLD… Katy Jackson explains why she can’t wait to get away from it all

Welcome to Travel….whether you’ve just got Russia (although seeing that they all sell out (except on the air-conditioned, all- This section is also going to contact big place. There’s an awful lot to go see back from a Gap Year away and are finding cheap vodka, I don’t suppose it really inclusive hotels, but there we go – mar- the porters from some of the colleges, in it, so get started now, whilst you’re England very dull and boring already (be- matters, to be honest..). ry rich in a few years time). The section finding out about their best and worst still young, free and/or single, depend- lieve me, I know where you’re coming from), I love travelling. And I love being in will feature reports from all over Europe, holidays and trips ever. Some of the best ing on how well Freshers’ Week goes for or whether the biggest trip you’ve undertak- strange places, seeing weird things as well as a bit further afield, mingled in advice you can be given about travel you…Any contributions, views or ad- en recently is the journey up to Cambridge and meeting very random people. And with expert advice on the actual act of is to listen to other people’s advice and vice are always welcome – travel@var- with your parents, keep on reading. all that sort of stuff is possible for any- going somewhere, rather than just hints. Only then can you decide to ig- sity.cam.ac.uk This week’s poll is on the These pages are about anything and one to do – if you can find your pass- dreaming about it. It’ll also feature your nore it all, but at least you gave yourself best bars, clubs and any other places of everything to do with travel – from what port, then you can go. Money’s an issue, contributions and views – every week the chance of finding out something in- hedonism in the world. Wherever it is, to see in Cambridge to which bars to but this section will be showing you how there’ll be a poll on your top bars, clubs, credible about somewhere. You only let us know… head for when stuck in a remote part of to go places cheaply, without missing restaurants and activities worldwide. live once, and the world is a very, very Enjoy.

…AND WELCOME TO CAMBRIDGE Top five Lizzie Franklin Travel websites

This is it. After yearning for the bright lights STA Travel – they have branches of your university city throughout the long, countrywide and are conveniently lethargic summer, you’re finally here. placed in Cambridge just by Impressive buildings, more impressive build- Sainsbury’s. The website’s not bad at ings… beautiful you agree. One question. all, and it allows you to book flights on- When night falls, where’s the party at? Fear line. They can organise everything from not, my Fresher friends, Cambridge is hard- flights (all of which are reduced in price ly the country’s clubbing capital, but a pletho- for students and those under 25) to ac- ra of life abounds… commodation and their insurance deals Start off with college bops, which are some of the best around. It might provide top-quality cheese at student be a plan to arrange an interview be- prices, but when you’ve had your full forehand though, especially if the of them, check out Po Na Na, where queues in the Cambridge branch last the funky, Moroccan style décor, and summer are anything to go by. Check sexy lighting exude a sense of the ex- out the brochures in the branches for otic. But be careful: the street light- companies specialising in more struc- ing outside can often turn the su- tured travel, if that’s what you’re after... permodel you just left with into a www.statravel.co.uk minger. Monday night, and there’s Latin spirit in everyone, with Salsa Lonely Planet – they publish books classes beforehand, and Happy Hour on destinations and general travel stuff all night. Arrriiiiba! Sadly, the booty- and also have a pretty damn good web- licious party stops at midnight, so pop site, which has up-to-date info on any into Po’s sister, ‘The Fez Club’ af- country and issues affecting travel- terwards: more random red hats, ling. They won’t book you anything, more tunes. Arrive early for student but can point you in the direction of night on Monday to avoid the ‘one people who will. The website also in- in, one out’ scenario. Then there is cludes a shop for publications and gen- Coco (formerly Toxic8), kitted out in eral travelling stuff… www.lonelyplan- psychedelic colours. Tragic. But with et.com party anthems upstairs, UK garage and funk downstairs, and theme Gapwork.com – although this is main- nights such as ‘Love Shack’ and ly aimed at those about to do a Gap ‘Grange Hill’ (bring on the school Year it is also incredibly useful if you uniform), who could resist succumb- Rowan Huppert want to travel for less time. It covers all ing to the seductive feel-good vibe? ony of 70s and 80s tunes, full of funky es. Of the flowery kind, boys….. If you dazzling array of top grub houses. aspects of travel – from where (and Much worse is the dark and cramped divas strutting their stuff in Afros and meet the love of your life in College The fine selection of French restau- when) to go, to insurance, to what to 5th Avenue, where eau-de-pit diffus- flares. Cosmic. during the first few weeks, take a ro- rants include Café Rouge, Michel’s take and, fairy importantly, what to do es into the sultry air. ‘Life’ is om- What about the morning after the mantic stroll along the Backs, with a Brasserie, and Chez Gérard (with when you get there. It has links to oth- nipresent of course, with Wednesday night before, when the world is spin- poetry book, a dopey smile, and a fantastique baguettes at lunchtime, er organisations and is fairly user-friend- night reserved especially for us – aw, ning, and the stomach queasy – did camera (the photos will be particu- and Happy Hour every weekday ly... www.gapyear.com aren’t they kind? Indie lovers check you sample the grease from the Van larly useful the following term as an evening! We love this place!) Italian out Kambar on Tuesdays and of Life/Death? Fool. Go to Nadia’s image for the College Bar dartboard). highlights are Caffe Uno, Pizza ISIC– this is a worldwide organisation Saturdays. Nice. for a juicy baguette, and Café Nero Alternatively, do the Cambridge Express, La Mimosa, and Don for students, with branches all over, and For more sedentary nights out, the for a little nectar. Then the wonder- ‘thang’, and punt down the Cam with Pasquale, and Indian faves are The with their own ID card which can of- ADC theatre can always be relied upon ful city of Cambridge winks at you a bottle (or two) of wine. Bliss. If you Gulshan, The Cambridge Curry ten be used for discounts and free stuff. to ‘show’ (sorry…) you a good time. in the daylight. Or was that the guy want to impress him/her with your Centre, India House, or Curry The website’s great – information on October sees more from Footlights selling the Big Issue? profundity, pop over to the Fitzwilliam Mahal. If you fancy American, vis- visas, jobs and destinations, as well as comedy, the return of the hilarious Fancy a spot of retail therapy Museum, one of Britain’s first public it Garfunkels or Old Orleans, and specific details of events in certain coun- Karma Suture, and lots more, including dahling? All the usual high street art galleries, housing early Italian to don’t pass by delicious noodle bars, tries, from art exhibitions to clubs… Brian Friel’s Translations, which in the names can be found, as well as a Contemporary pieces. Gallery 96 in Yippee or Dojos if you’re thinking www.istc.org words of Yolland himself, is sure to be couple of funky skate shops, such as King Street is always eager for new Oriental. Rainbow Café in King’s “Bloody, bloody, bloody marvelous!” ‘Vertical’. Or if you’re feeling more work, so any budding Van Goghs Parade is exclusively veggie, and Trav.com – this organisation’s also Cambridge Arts Theatre also has a adventurous, you could even join the amongst you, pop in here (and The White Swan offers four differ- for students worldwide, with general top selection of shows, but at top prices. Cambridge Aero Club or Mid- Addenbrookes if you’re of the same ent types of Sunday Roasts, includ- info as well as pretty good search en- If you’re craving variety, The Anglia School of Flying. temperament). Finally, Kettles Yard ing one veggie. Don’t say this town gine for things to do, see and eat in var- Junction could just spice up your life. You’re after a more relaxing after- doubles up as both a museum and doesn’t care. ious cities when on a budget. There’s Live music, comedy, theatre, and club noon? The university’s Botanic art gallery, with a fabulous display of Cambridge may not be a big mam- also a section to find transport, although nights, there’s something for every- Garden is apparently secondary only international contemporary art. ma, but there’s a lot of choice out the choice of destinations in certain one - even Compscis….. Friday night to Kew Gardens, and contains some Hungry and given up on the there. Trust me, you won’t get bored. countries is occasionally limited... hosts Boogie Wonderland, a cacoph- beautiful, exotic exhibits in glasshous- Buttery already? Cambridge has a You won’t have time. www.trav.com A 04 October 2002 TRAVEL LIVING L5 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk CONTINENTAL DRIFTERS Katy Jackson provides an essential guide to the highs and lows of travelling the world.

NORTH AMERICA watch out. You’re only likely to be the most poorly off people in the Go see the remnants of the Cold then everything you could possibly want affected by petty criminals, but they world, have a mentality that will War in Eastern Europe, witness the is here, and if you fancy something a This truly is the land of stereotypes and can easily ruin a trip. The tourist shake you, inspire you and, often vitality of the Southerners and round bit more energetic and challenging, then deserves to be explored if only to allow you route is also fairly well marked out amuse you. Go to Africa, laugh with it all off with the Scandinavian ex- adventure can be yours too. to decide if it lives up to them or not. From and often ridiculously busy, which them and stand in awe of this great perience. Go to Europe - see the re- This continent is vibrant and lit- the elegance of New England in the North, can be a useful thing, but something continent. sults of thousands of years of devel- erally buzzing with energy, as well via the redneck Bible belt in the middle, to consciously avoid if you don’t Some African countries are in- opment, war, religion and lust for as with a deep sense of pride in its down to the scorching heat of the South, want to get caught up in all that sort volved in conflict, and many are still life, and then enjoy that same en- history and culture. Each country North America will never bore you. of thing. suffering the residual effects of past ergy yourself. has its own personal identity, pro- Bigger, brasher and weirder in viding an exhilarating trip if you de- more ways than you could ever cide to travel all around. Get up at imagine, the standard of life is prob- 4am to trek uphill to see the sunrise ably one of the closest to the British Long Katy over the Inca trail, dance until break- one you’ll find, making it a relatively fast and go live amongst communi- painfree transition between the two ties earning their livings in the countries. This continent contains foothills of some of the most barren some of the world’s most famous and beautiful landscapes on this landmarks and cities, but its back Earth. Leave exhausted yet re-vi- roads and small towns will also keep talised, with some of the best mem- your head spinning and you des- ories you can get. perate for more. This is a mind- Don’t rely on people speaking blowing land, characterized by its English – you will need a basic variety and infinite possibilities; the amount of Spanish and/or American dream is still alive and Portuguese to feel comfortable here. well – go experience some of it for It can be fairly pricey to fly to SA, yourself. God Bless America!! so shop around for the best deals. Without wishing to sound like an Visa requirements are different for alcoholic, one of the worse things is every country, so check these out the drinking age of 21. This can carefully if you’re planning on hop- keep you out of certain clubs and ping between countries whilst visit- bars, and since they ID practically ing. Same goes for vaccinations. everywhere you will very rarely be able to blag it. Also, the distances OCEANIA you often need to travel from one place to another can be immense. Although the various planes, trains Oceania is basically Australia, New and coaches available are general- Zealand and all the white-sanded is- ly reliable and cheap options are lands around there. Which is enough rea- possible, you need to plan any trav- son to go there for most people. elling well, to be sure of the quick- Australia and New-Zealand are a est route and to get the best value traveller’s paradise, from the stop- for your money. over during the flight there to the massive range of possibilities once ASIA you’ve landed. From the unchar- tered Outback in Australia, via the stunning scenery in NZ, to the This continent will blow your mind. buzzing cities in both countries, most Forget Britain and your comfortable life, of which are right on the beach, all and go live differently for a bit. Watch this can be yours at a respectable people farming as they did in the Middle price. The lifestyle is often so laid Ages, see cities so colourful they seem to back it’s practically horizontal, and have come from a Hollywood movie and wars, so check with the Foreign Compared to other continents, whether you want to surf, drink, chill experience streets so dirty and smelly that AFRICA Office before going to anywhere re- Europe can be very expensive to or explore, this is perfect. The even the dogs hurry through them. motely questionable. The living can travel in unless you’re careful. weather’s almost always better than Asia’s the biggest continent, with Africa’s the place for you if you want be pretty basic too, so remember Hostelling’s probably one of your here (as is the standard of the local some of the world’s most impressive to see the beauty and power of nature in things like toothpaste and cotton- best bets for accommodation, since talent….) and they are notoriously scenery (the Himalayas at sunrise its most gigantic form, witness a way wool – you may well not find any of hotel costs mount up and sleeping friendly. Combine your trip with are a sight everyone ought to see) of life completely alien to your own and this (although Coca-Cola is every- anywhere you feel like isn’t gener- these holiday-brochure islands, and crowded countries. With Japan be completely humbled by the people who where, in abundance). As a ally liked by the authorities, al- where, if you can avoid the honey- and China there as well, the most permanently exist like this, whilst spend- Westerner you may also get more though any would-be criminals will mooning couples, you will be revi- high-tech cities are also accessible ing the minimum possible on living costs. hassle than you thought, depending appreciate it. The reputation of the talised and refreshed beyond belief. to you. If this place doesn’t broaden The splendour of the African con- on where you go. This will normal- British in certain places in Europe is There has been a lot of press re- your mind, thrill you to your stom- tinent is overwhelming, and the gen- ly just be for money, but try and fol- also a little dubious – most notably cently about the dangers facing trav- ach and inspire you further than ever uineness of many of its people mind- low the Foreign Office’s guidelines in extremely touristy areas – and ellers in Oceania, particularly in before, then nowhere will. Go. boggling. Its landscape and its on giving this away, since it can you will not be looked upon any dif- Australia. Especially in the main The language barriers are often people simply command respect. Go have severe effects on a country’s ferently if you refuse to at least at- cities and at the famous sites, there a problem – English is spoken, but to Africa and see the shanty-towns economy. tempt their language and abide by are a lot of people moving around, don’t bank on it. It can be fairly in- you’ve only ever seen on telly grow- their customs. but, really, you just need to be care- timidating too, especially in remote ing before your very eyes, as the EUROPE ful. Getting there can be pretty places, where you will often stand next-door palace stands vacant. SOUTH AMERICA pricey, so avoid times like Christmas out in spite of attempts to blend in, Then go into the countryside and and New Year when the airlines in- which, by the way, should always be watch people working the land, all Europe’s the perfect choice if you want crease their fares dramatically. Visas made. A lot of these people are day, every day. Sit through thun- something quick and easy. This is the South America is a continent of extremes. can be difficult too if you want to deeply religious, so give them every derstorms and experience the place to go for culture and hedonism, re- From Rio, the party capital of the world, spend longer than the length of an respect. Crime is fairly high, despite brightest lightning you will ever see. laxation and exhilaration – Europe con- through to the wildness of the Andes, via average holiday there – one way to the extremely severe punishments Leave the continent with an enor- tains so many countries and nationali- the unbelievable might of the rainforests, get round this is to take part in a (do not even contemplate drugs here mous respect for nature, but also for ties that everything and anything you this place has it all in abundance. If you ‘working holiday’ (www.visas-aus- – the death penalty is common), so the people in it. Africans, some of could ever want to do or see are there. want a relaxing, cosmopolitan break, tralia.com). L6 LIVING SCIENCE 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk LIKE SCIENCE? WIN STUFF! A meal for two, fudge and babs all up for grabs...

A fresh breed of Cambridge scientist has arrived, keen and eager to learn. Sadly, the relentless round of lectures, practicals, seminars and 1.The Anagrams… 2.The Quotes… supervisions will soon quash any enjoyment of things scientific. So, before the flame of enthusiasm is snuffed out, enter our simple sci- CARL’S HARD WINE “If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of ence quiz for the chance to win one of these great prizes: giants.”

• A meal for two at Browns OILEG AIL “To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.” • A meal for two at the Rainbow Café TAN COW IN SEA “And still it moves.” • A £15 gift voucher at Borders “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from • A free box of fudge from Jim Garrahy’s Fudge Kitchen PAUL ROUSES IT mediocre minds.” • A baguette, cake and drink at Nadia’s Patisserie JASON WAS MET “Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it and I will move the world.” • A free meal deal at Peppercorns, Rose Crescent NEW KING HATES HP “One could not be a successful scientist without realising that… • Free kebab or burger and drink from Gardies a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also stupid.” It’s easy. Really. Just rearrange the 10 phrases into the names TO REALIST of 10 famous scientists… “In fields of observation, chance favours only the prepared … and then match the scientists to the quotations. CHAR DEMISE mind.” Email answers to [email protected], stating name, col- “One swallow does not make a summer.” lege and preferred prize. Winners will be chosen at random IN BERLIN ESTATE from correct entries. Editor’s decision is final. “It was like a new world opened up to me, the world of science which I was at last permitted to know.” I RUE A CRIME “A man’s friendships are one of the best measures of his worth.”

Science Students Explained CHaOS Theory Proven Correct Species 1 - The NatSci Celine Tinloi experiments on the CHaOS summer tour

The most abundant species in the NatScis is required in order to achieve Over the summer the majority of science Cambridge ecosystem, the NatSci occupies a better understanding of these com- students left their books to gather dust. a variety of niches in a diverse range of habi- plex and beautiful creatures. Whether trekking through the jungle, re-

tats: from the reclusive physicists in the laxing on the beach or working to make David Ansell Cavendish laboratories, to the rough and up for May Week excesses, science was far ready Plant Scientists in the botanical gar- from the forefront of their minds. Not so dens and almost everywhere in between. for the 11 student scientists of the NatScis are thought to number Cambridge Hands-on Science group in the thousands and seem to be (CHaOS). Armed with 85 kiwi fruit, a multiplying by the minute. Reasons xylophone made from drainpipes, and a for this exceptional fecundity are as skeleton named Fred, among many oth- yet unresolved, however there is er weird and wonderful things, the apt- some speculation regarding a self- ly named CHaOS descended on 6 re- cloning mechanism. sorts on England’s Southwest Coast. Despite their prolific nature and During the week long tour the group en- apparent diversity, NatScis are unit- tertained over 700 visitors. ed in exhibiting a propensity to- The group’s mission, as CHaOS or- wards large-scale daily aggregations ganiser Sarah Crisp explained, was to that can last for several hours. show that “science is not just some- During these occasions they are fre- thing that people in white coats do quently seen wearing white coats, in laboratories. We want to get across possibly for reasons of camoflauge. the message that it’s something that’s lar with visitors and was variously de- As ever, invaluable support was pro- The purpose of this curious behav- fun and relevant to everyone.” They scribed as “well-thought out” and “fan- vided by many of the University iour, and the mechanism by which achieved this task admirably with in- tastic”. 98% claimed to have learnt Science departments both in the form the high levels of spatial and tem- teractive demonstrations and hands- something new and 95% said that they of technical expertise and provision of poral synchrony are achieved, re- on experiments including levitating would like to experience CHaOS materials. The event was sponsored by main a mystery. beach balls, mysteriously floating again in the future. The Campaign for the Promotion of The NatSci is known to complain bubbles, mini explosions and the The CHaOS Summer tour followed Engineering, The Technology about a hectic lifestyle. However, Really Cool Show, which took place at on from the success of the group’s Partnership, The Royal Society of there is considerable debate as to the a chilly -196°C. Cambridge National Science Week Chemistry, and CORUS. validity of these complaints: scep- The road shows attracted a wide Event Crash, Bang, Squelch which has If you would like to find out more tics claim that many NatScis are range of people of all ages and back- been running for the past 6 years. In about the activities of CHaOS or would found to frequent the bars and night- grounds – many of whom resisted the 2002 it attracted over 3000 visitors in like to become a volunteer, email con- clubs of the Cambridge ecosystem. lure of the beach in order to attend. just 6 hours, making it the biggest [email protected] or visit their

It is evident that further study of Joe Blaire The event proved immensely popu- event of the week. website at www.chaosscience.org.uk. A 04 October 2002 STARS LIVING L7 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk IT’S ALL IN THE STARS Varsity reveals what’s destined in the stars this week Libra (23rd Sept – Scorpio (23rd Oct – Sagittarius (23rd Nov Capricorn (22nd Dec Aquarius (21st Jan – 22nd Oct) 22nd Nov) – 21st Dec) – 20th Jan) 19th Feb) This week try to resist You’re in danger of Temptation surrounds If money is a worry Stay calm this week. the temptation to make confusing yourself. you wherever you look, and you’re feeling un- You’ve worked hard at any swift judgements. Deal with facts There’s a lot going on around you at and opportunities are endless. der pressure rely on your typical achieving a goal, and if things aren’t and facts alone. Ignore any precon- the moment and it’s easy to be swept Everything seems on offer and Capricorn determination and stick going as smoothly as you’d hoped, ceptions about people or places and up in it all, but if you don’t keep a close Sagittarians excel at juggling multiple to your instincts. Don’t be pushed just give it a bit of time. Let things think long and hard before making eye on things, you’re likely to miss ap- tasks but beware of taking on too much into any unnecessary financial com- settle down and avoid lashing out in any important decisions. You’re the pointments and lose personal posses- at once. Romantic options also seem mitments. You’re finally able to take frustration. Instead accept offers of centre of attention, winning admira- sions. And if you’re really not careful, pretty unlimited, take time to consid- control of your love life, the deci- support with a little grace and you tion left, right and centre. Make the somewhere in the mess you’ll lose an er which of the many alternatives is re- sions are yours and you no longer might find romance springing from most of promising offers; you fully de- opportunity with a particular individ- ally right for you and avoid rushing into need to feel the plaything of those unexpected sources. serve all of them. ual you’ve been waiting a long time for. anything until you’re sure. around you.

Pisces (20th Feb – 20th Leo (24th July – 23rd Mar) Aug) A little Pisces charm Money is going to

goes a long way in re- Rowan Huppert become a big problem solving a long-standing difficulty. If there if you’re not careful over the next suddenly seems to be a new problem in few days and its a concern you your life, try looking at the past and shouldn’t risk ignoring. You run the you’ll probably discover that it’s just the risk of getting carried away but a lit- remains of something you should have tle restraint, and an attempt to ad- sorted out a long time ago. Compromise dress cash crises, should at least min- is going to be key in keeping the peace imize difficulties later on. If you’re with any partners. If they mean that feeling shy where romance is con- much to you then ultimately you’ll gain cerned, remember that a little hon- from any sacrifices you have to make. est courage is always appreciated. if someone’s been on your mind re- Aries (21st Mar – 20th cently, work up the nerve to ap- April) proach them; you’ll never know un- Life’s busy at the mo- less you try. ment and lots of little jobs are filling your time, but get as Virgo (24th Aug – much as possible done because it 22nd Sept) won’t be long before Mercury turns Mercury enters your retrograde and after that the planets sign this week, but will put obstacles in your path. don’t assume it’s to reward you. Anyhow, following an unexpected, Instead look back on a recent con- but not unwelcome encounter, you’ll flict or incident. Life won’t move on want to focus your attention on things properly until issues from your past far more exciting than the everyday. are fully resolved. When it comes to relationships, resist the tempta- Taurus (21st April – 21st Cancer (21st June – favourable alignment of the planets and wide but first impressions can tion to further complicate matters May) 22nd July) that should bring deserved rewards. be significant and diplomacy will by making blind promises until Saturn’s strong pres- If life seems really Your recent patience with an indi- probably stand you in better stead you’re sure you’ve fulfilled any out- ence suggests that good at the moment, vidual will be repaid by a new level in the long run, especially where a standing ones. where romantic issues are con- then trust your instincts, because it of intimacy, but go slowly - the best figure of influence or standing is cerned, the wisdom of someone old- is. The planets are aligned in such things come to those who wait. concerned. While your natural vi- er with a little more experience may a way that things really are as great vacity, charm and wit win you ad- Varsity is pleased to offer a Tarot be helpful. You know what you as they seem. Enjoy this while it Gemini (22nd May – mirers, at the end of the day its reading service. If you have a burn- want, you’re just not sure how to get lasts. Don’t overanalyse situations 20th June) straight talking that will get you ing question, about anything at all, it so, for once, beat that Taurus stub- and avoid jumping into conflicts that Watch what you say the result you want. There’s no rush that you think our mystics might be bornness and humble yourself aren’t your own. Let others fight this week. Your ability – the rest of the world will listen to able to help you with, then email enough to accept advice. their own battles and enjoy the to chatter is a social skill admired far you in the end. [email protected]. And you’ll never be lonely again Varsity contributes to the love life of Cambridge students

Consider Cambridge students and what tually bumping into Mr / Miss This week’s bright young thing: springs to mind? The bright young things Perfect is quite small. Quite simply, Name: Lee Forbister of the future; intelligent, talented, am- it seems a sorry situation and we’d Date of Birth: 03/04/82 bitious? Now, create, if you will, a men- like to at least try to rectify things.

Nicola Sharratt Place of Birth: Sunderland tal picture of your ideal partner and sure- Thus, we’re proud to offer our skills ly those traits would feature. in finding a match for you. We’ll College: Jesus Regardless of whether you actually even throw in a free drink. If you’re Subject: Engineering have any desire to find your soul too busy or simply can’t be bothered Eye Colour: Blue mate, the problem is quite interest- with finding a companion for an Height: 6’2” ing. We’re surrounded by the peo- evening, or if you’d like to meet our Best Features(in his own words): ple matchmakers would have a field perfect partner of the week, email day with and yet everyone’s so busy [email protected] and tell us a Northern charm being intelligent, talented and am- little bit about yourself and leave Gorgeous smile bitious that the likelihood of ever ac- things in our capable hands. Broad, manly shoulders L8 LIVING FASHION 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Pic ‘n’ Mix Identity Helen Kearney and Miranda Higham

It’s a crazy, mixed-up, post-modern world. Thoughts, misappropriate evening gloves to wear with dis- even sport a salt’n’pepper mullet and a pair of languages and images, styles and lifestyles, selves and co dresses, or vintage punk t-shirts with lounge peep-toe mules. But it’s completely different when things: reality itself is mobile, mutable and malleable. suits”. Scrawled across the head of the article in a I wander around Cambridge in that same punk We’re surrounded by examples of this osmosis and ac- bold, free hand was the title “Here. Now.” (a spir- t-shirt (only now it’s ‘vintage’). It’s edgy, urban, customed to institutionalised nostalgia and pastiche. ited rejection of the rigid formal constraints of provocative and deeply ironic (?) Physical, technological and stylistic transience are gen- Times New Roman perhaps?) The photograph I think it’s quite clear that this notion of the erally taken as objective features of life in a ‘consumer showed several students gaily mixing styles and democratic consumer’s self-reliance and authen- society’ whose very success rests on an imperative logic images with mischievous indifference to their his- ticity descended into self-parody long ago. The of mutability and rapid turnover. tory, background and provenance. The reader conception of the individual standing at “the end Kitsch and its sub-categories: swank, pulp, was urged to follow suit, “picnic in the cloisters of history”, with complete freedom to select and camp and trash nestle firmly at the heart of the and dance in the crypts as we celebrate the end manipulate diverse traditions, forms and costumes whole ‘artistic complex’. Or has that concept it- of exams, the end of term and the end of history”. is based on an assumption of representative in- self been left so bastardised and messy after its Exhilarating, certainly, but surely I am not the dividualism which takes it for granted that all con- deconstructive passage through the quasi and only one disturbed by the idea of Cambridge stu- sumers are essentially the same, overlooking anti-artistic that it’s now meaningless? And of dents merrily celebrating “the end of history” at the extent to which the self is shaped by the course, the categories and values that surround balls with themes like Revolution, drunkenly stick- contexts in which it is formed. In the largely the ‘second-hand’: definitions of junk, rubbish, ing their heads into a spectacular ice-sculpture of anonymous, post-industrial megapolis, conurba- kitsch, antique, vintage, durable…are themselves a guillotine through which they can down another tion or commutershed, surface appearance and profoundly unstable. generous shot of vodka? dress are key ways in which our private and com- But there are a few problems with this preva- The caption to the photo reads; “We can’t tell munal lives are represented and staged. And since lent notion of the fashion system as a ‘magic the- you where to buy your clothes…Highstreet or fashion and appearance are amongst the most atre’, a fairground funhouse hall of mirrors. Is Bond Street, Cambridge market or Spitalfields powerful ways in which we construct images of this melting pot of re-evaluation and re-defini- market- it’s all the same in the end”. Er, no it self, we can anticipate that they will play a signif- tion really a bottomless collective reservoir of isn’t. And that’s the problem. There are striking icant role in both generating and questioning im- imagination and possibility, a democratic and stylistic parallels between different social groups, ages about our social structures. liberating medium? and styles will inevitably clash and mingle. Taking Clothes: Hero, Green Street, Cambridge In the Mayweek Varsity preview, we were re- the tube in London I might well come across an Models: Emily. Rachel, Nick and Masha assured: “ take what you like from the tradition- Eastern European immigrant wearing a t-shirt ad- Photos: Dave Cotton al, and do what you want with it. It’s all right to vertising some crap ‘80’s band, indeed, they may Words: Helen A 04 October 2002 LISTINGS 13 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

MA FEMME EST UNE ACTRICE St Columba’s Hall, Downing Place. West Road Concert Hall, off Queen’s min levels, helicobacter pylori, PSA, etc. [15] 7pm. Road, Cambridge. 01223 847721. 3.00, 9.00 www.cambridgesalsa.com: 7:30pm.from £10 or £5 on the door. Models Required: IVANS XTC [18] Friday Salsa dance classes x. Absolute beginners For life drawing, £10 per hour. 7.10 to advanced, every week. (Inexperienced models are welcome.) St Columbas Halls, 4 Downing Place, Contact Mr Kourbaj, CATS, 13–14 Theatre CB1 behind Lion Yard Car Park. Round Church Street, Cambridge CB5 Cambridge Combined Actors: 6pm. £4. Classified 8AJ. E-mail: [email protected] Pinter - The Collection. Misc Play Guitar,Saxophone: plus Ballroom & Latin Dancing Music Misc Add to your talents, make new friends. Pinter Inside Out by Rani Drew. Beginners Class: Britten Sinfonia: Allergy Screening: FREE assessment. Tuition in Cambridge. Venue if not listed above, £12 to join (includes two free classes). Britten Sinfonia with Evelyn Glennie For foods, moulds, etc.) And health tests, Call: 01353 740358 or e-mail: Cambridge Drama Centre, off Mill Further classes £1.50. playing Vivaldi, Zappa and MacMillan. including GUT permeability, vita- [email protected] Road. 8pm. £8 & £6. The European Theatre Group announces AUDITIONS Thursday for its 2002 Winter tour of Twelfth Night Saturday 12th October: 10.30Ð12 noon Ð Dressing Room 2 1Ð4pm Room on R, Sidney Sussex College Sunday 13th October: 12Ð6pm Ð Dressing Room 2, ADC Theatre Arts Picture House SWEET SIXTEEN [18] 3 FRESHER TECHNICIANS 2.15, 4.45, 7.00, 9.20 are also needed HAPPY TIMES [15] Absolutely no experience is necessary 1.00, 5.00 E-mail drd22 or man32 for more details or to arrange an interview ELECTRA [PG] Deadline: Wednesday 16th October 3.00 To find out more about the tour from some of last year’s team, come to our ROAD TO PERDITION [15] FRESHERS’ SQUASH 6.40, 9.10 Friday 11th October: 1.30Ð3.30pm, ADC Bar, ADC Theatre, Park Street MA FEMME EST UNE ACTRICE [15] Applicants are also sought for the final post in the production team 9.00 PUBLICIST ON TOUR IVANS XTC [18] For more details or to arrange an interview please e-mail: 7.10 Fiona Paterson (fsp21) Deadline: Wednesday 16th October Film St John’s Films: Star Wars: Episode II. St John’s College, Fisher Building. 7pm. £2. Gala Concert St John’s Films: Star Wars: Episode II. King’s College Chapel St John’s College, Fisher Building. 10pm. £2. Followed by Champagne Reception Part-time Temporary work for students at the University of Cambridge Development Office. Misc in the Great Hall Ballroom & Latin Dancing with The only job approved by the University. Beginners Class: Magnus & Guy Johnston £12 to join (includes two free classes). We offer: We need: Further classes £1.50. Ashley Grote Attractive rates of pay Articulate, lively St Paul’s School, Coronation Street. King’s College Chapel Choir starting at £5.85 per hour, students with excellent 7pm. with attractive incentives. spoken English to The English Chamber Orchestra conducted by telephone alumni on Rock’n’Roll Dancing Beginners Sessions are held behalf of the University. Class: Stephen Cleobury 5.30Ð9.30pm weekdays, with £12 to join (includes two free classes). IN AID OF THE KING’S COLLEGE SCHOOL occasional afternoons. Students who care about the Further classes £1.50. University and would like to help Excellent work experience and St Matthew’s School, Broad St. DEVELOPMENT APPEAL its development comprehensive paid training. 7pm. efforts. Salsa Dancing Beginners Class: 7.00–8.30 pm – Wednesday 16 October 2002 Fun working atmosphere! £12 to join (includes two free classes). Tickets: £75 and £60; £10 (concert only) Further classes £1.50. For details and to apply, contact in the first instance Gilb Flether on St Columba’s Halls (Gibson Hall), For Further Information & Booking Forms: (7)66196 or [email protected] quoting ref: MT2002 Downing Place. Please Ring 01223 472016 & Leave Your Mailing Address (Putting the ‘fun’ back into fund raising!) 7:30pm.

GODS • CAMBRIDGE MARKET • CONDUCTORS Thursdays, Fridays announce auditions for and Saturdays The Virtuous Burglar Conducting by Dario Fo expertly on all makes of compatible and (Playroom Mainshow, taught re-manufactured inkjet cartridges, toners, October 22Ð26) Save up to paper and peripherals Wednesday October 9th, 4Ð6pm Check out my website: Kennedy Room alantongue.co.uk 100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEED Cambridge Union Society or your money back! Please e-mail ejb47 for further info. and contact me: 302030 or WE WILL NOT BE BEATEN ON PRICE – OUR AIM IS TO SAVE YOU MONEY or to arrange an alternative time [email protected] 70% Far away from the cobbled streets of central Cambridge lies a plot of land bordered on one side by the railway line (to London), and on the other by a bland and life- less industrial estate (Nokia etc). On this wasteland there’s a fun- ny cavern like building with a pointed roof (urban spire). It’s virtually impossible that you’d be ‘just strolling’ down Clifton Road, but if you were, you’d be forgiven

Text: Louisa Thomson; Photo: Tom Catchesides Louisa Thomson; Photo: Tom Text: for walking straight past the Junction with its day time clientele of skate- boarding 11 year olds in the car park and bleak, graffitied appearance. But every wasteland has its haven, right? The Junction may seem like an unlikely candidate for cultural sal- vation (snigger), but it boasts ‘an eclectic programme of live music, club events, comedy, theatre, dance, live art and digital art’ and has enough to keep you occupied far and beyond the spoon fed delights of Freshers’ Week. Gigs and club nights cater for just about every musical taste, the re- mit expanding beyond house, drum ‘n’ bass and mainstream bands, to in- clude independent promoters, put- ting on electronica nights. Watch out also for Bedazzled (hot, sweaty, very drunk) on 12th October, a Red Stripe fuelled trawl through the nineties, with Steve Lamacq in tow. It would appear that indie is still alive and kicking, and really rather popular on a Saturday night. 2002, what the fuck is going on? Lottery funding and Arts and local council support have spawned a whole host of events beyond music. At the moment, the Upstairs bar is hosting an exhibition of Tom Catchesides’ live music photography previously seen on the music pages of Varsity. The pictures (of Pulp, Super Furry Animals, Mansun et al) are quite simply beautiful, and a must see for any gig goer (especially those who are so immersed in the joys of the mosh pit that they fail to take note of the visual splendour of gigs). Take a deep breath and you can also watch Kryten from Red Dwarf, the odd Pinter play, contemporary dance and physical theatre and should you feel suitably inspired by this dazzling array of theatrical ex- ploit, The Drama Centre (off Mill Road) holds weekly classes for as- piring actors. There’s complicated interactive art and science installa- tions by New Art Technology Fellows (yes, quite) and rock musi- cian and DJ tuition. It’s all about ex- change, community, dialogue, labs, and fancy Flash websites. All very digital. All very now. You’d be a fool not to… Visit www.junction.co.uk for more de- tails (like, dates, and times and im- portant stuff like that). artsartsartsartsart A 04 October 2002 THEATRE ARTS 15 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Rough Guide to Cambridge theatre Whatever your interests, Varsity can help you to get your foot in the stage door…

WELCOME to Cambridge, one of the Dramatics Club (ADC) and The Footlights. a lot of free booze. Alternatively, most soci- country’s most exciting centres for student dra- This wide range of groups promises a diverse ties publish the details of current produc- ma. Upon arrival you may feel overwhelmed termly programme, but can confuse even the tions requiring actors and production crews by the hundreds of different ways in which you most sorted young thespian. If you do want to in Varsity, and most have e-mail mailing ACD Theatre can get involved. Most colleges have a the- get involved the best idea is to attend as many lists you can subscrbe to. While the Fresher’s atre group, but you are not confined to join- squashes as you can in the first couple of weeks. Fair is a great place to start we’ve got some ing just one. Additionally, there are other the- This will not only allow you to find out lots thesps to give you an insight into their per- atre organisations such as The Amateur about drama in Cambridge, but also leads to sonal experiences. Living it up at the ADC Theatre differs from other wide social scene. The Club stages the usual offerings, the theatre’s bar non-academic pursuits in around twenty shows a year, but also plays host to ClubNight, every Cambridge, in that it is one of offers regular workshops which are a Wednesday evening from 9pm – an op- the few areas where you can great opportunity for newcomers to get portunity for all to knock a couple back really find a complete cross involved. The bar at the ADC Theatre (at a discounted price for Club mem- section of student life, from is the hub of the theatrical social life in bers), and since the Club’s committee actors and musicians, to Cambridge, providing a relaxing and is always present, why not catch up on designers and technicians. familiar atmosphere for both the fre- all the latest happenings on the the- The ADC offers a slate on which stu- quent theatregoer and the occasional atrical grapevine and find out how easy dents can try out their own particular observer. Go for a drink, meet with like- it is for anyone to get involved. skills, or experiment with something minded people, explore the exciting For more information visit new. This fusion of talents enables world of Cambridge theatre and above www.cuadc.org or contact the ADC to be part of the University- all just enjoy yourself. In addition to [email protected] Behind the scenes Daniel Kenyon-Jones on foolproof teching Teching is the art of pushing Society (REDS) organised a produc- of equipment mid show, causing a buttons. This should be done tion of A Spanish Tragedy where all the small interlude. From that I have so that, at the correct time production and acting was to be done gone onto technically direct a pro- during a show, the cast does by Emmanuel freshers. duction of Over the Edge and helped not get plunged in darkness, I put my name forward to do some- to light the outdoor Mayweek pro- or that the incredibly comic thing on the technical side of things, duction of Caligula. monkey sound effect does not as I had a little bit of experience of do- Time wise, teching generally takes get played during the final ing theatre lighting, and ended up little commitment before the actual death scene. as Technical Director. I joined up with run of the show, but during the run, In reality teching is usually a bit two others, was shown the ropes by don’t expect to lead a vibrant more complex that this. You may for some old hands and then left to trans- evening social life. That said, tech- example, have to ensure that there late the somewhat vague and extrav- ing is a lot of fun, you get to meet lots is something connected to the vari- agant wishes of the director into some- interesting and fun people, as well as ous buttons you push, or even have thing practically achievable. A trip to lots of mildly eccentric thespians. to tackle something complex like a the ADC, a video projector and few You also get to see great works per- volume slider. rehearsals later, we were all set. formed for free. Of course there is The first bit of teching I did was In the end we did a run of three the added bonus of post show par- during my first term at Cambridge. performances, during only one of ties, which more than make up for The Revived Emmanuel Dramatic which I managed to kick a vital piece the dull bits of teching. Treading the boards Sam Hodges shares his views on acting in your first year When I arrived a year ago, I ly and energetic cast, it remains an un- Edinburgh Fringe, where we enjoyed a really had no idea of the wealth forgettable experience. I highly recom- month’s sell-out production of Fiddler of opportunity that awaited mend musical theatre to lovers and scep- on the Roof. This term, my plans include me, and yet how unnecessary it tics alike. a Week One production and then to di- is to be intimidated or scared The range of plays available caters for rect Friel’s Translations in Week Three. about starting out. every field of interest and ambition – I The fact is, whether you’re interested My debut on the Cambridge stage was able to move from the intimate re- in performance, writing, or the techni- was in the annual Footlights pantomime, hearsal structure of a four-man Stoppard cal aspects, the opportunities for be- where I not only had the chance to work play to the thrill and excitement of the coming involved in drama are rife in with a bunch of incredibly talented peo- Cambridge. Such a chance to pursue ple, but also to meet some guys who these interests, whether they be sim- have now become my closest friends. ply curiosity or dreams of the big time, My next show took me from the dry Sam Hodges in such diversity and accessibility, is un- world of comedy to the glitz and glam- likely to come your way again. our of musical theatre, a prominent fea- Just open a copy of Varsity for listings, ture in Cambridge drama, as the lead in turn up to as many auditions as you can the Lent term musical, Manilow’s and give it your all. The theatre is the Copacabana. Combining both amateur ideal place to form new and long term and professional choreography, private relationships, and some of the best nights and ensemble musical tuition, and a live- out of your life. Hope to see you there. 16 ARTS THEATRE 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Radio Renaissance Total experience Can’t get enough drama? Chris Bull gets FAT! Jeni Courtney sees performance as a whole

Interested in the Cambridge and trailers of newly released films, do with film or drama. These in- What is it that attracts people to Like all experiences it may differ drama scene? Fancy yourself plus quizzes and enough movie triv- cluded ‘The nature of sequels in the theatre experience? Do they go for each person, each individual as a bit of a film buff? Own a ia to keep any wannabe Barry films: artistically viable or shame- to observe the work of others, for es- viewer will pick up on different ef- radio? Got a pulse? If you Norman happy. less commercial cash ins?’; ‘The de- capism or on the other hand, for a fects and have different responses. answered yes to any of these cline of musicals in the West End’; reflection on their own lives, rela- Overall theatre is an art, a mani- questions, you’ll want to ‘History as represented by tionships and anxieties? It is per- festation of skills. Its complexity check out the Cheap Seats, Hollywood’; and ‘New writing in the haps easier to understand the com- gives it simplicity, as the audience the official Film and Theatre Joe Blaire Cambridge drama scene’. Of course, plexities of life and human has a choice of how to view it. Either Show on Cambridge these discussions are made for lis- behaviour when you can step back as entertainment, a form of relax- University Radio 1350 MW. teners to get involved in. Finally, and watch it being played out in ation or as something deeper, a con- One of the most popular shows on whilst the BAFTAs and the Oscars front of you. In theatre, different in- jugation of talents imposing an ex- the station, it features reviews of were covered by the Film and puts combine to create an action on perience into the minds and all the plays and films around in Theatre (or ‘FAT’) show, the most stage; in life, different occurrences emotions of its viewer. We all love Cambridge every week, plus more prestigious event in the world of the and attitudes gel together to create to watch other people, mannerisms, film and dramatic goodies than you performing arts was definitely the a situation. movement, reactions, and postures. could shake a stick at. FAT awards 2002, which let the lis- When watching a play, an audience In the theatre we are obliged to You might not think that sounds teners decide what the best films and can often regard the overall picture be- stare, forced to study every move- particularly exciting; after all, you plays of 2002 were, and who were fore focusing on the detail that created ment and gesture of the bodies on can read all about the plays and the best actors both in Hollywood it. However this proves that the play stage. In my view, it is the only films in Cambridge in these very and Cambridge. is successful, as it furnishes its audience place where you can stare and ob- pages every Friday. However, the This event is sure to be repeated with the ability to do so. Every detail serve people without having to look difference with The Cheap Seats is that at the end of Lent term 2003, but the and varied contribution has meshed away; to follow your agenda with- it is truly interactive; if you disagree show will be looking out for talent- together to create the experience. out intruding. with the reviewers, you can phone ed reviewers and presenters before the studio up and let them know live then! If you want to get involved in Join the Varsity team on air, or send an e-mail and it will the show e-mail the producer, Chris If you have an opinion on a theatre related topic or if you fancy becom- be read out. If you are the director Bull, on [email protected]. And don’t ing theatre’s answer to AA Gill we would love to hear from you. Just pop or an actor in a play featured on the forget to tune in! along to the Varsity squash or fresher’s fair and meet us, or come to our meet- show, you can give your point of One of the most popular features ing at 4.30pm today (Friday 4th) in Trinity Vaults. Alternatively contact us view in live or pre-recorded inter- of last year’s show was the ‘special Cheap Seats every Thursday, 7pm on [email protected]. Look forward to hearing from you… views. For the film fans among you, features’ segment, which took an in- 1350 MW or www.cur.co.uk. the show also features sound clips depth look every week at an issue to

The more you spend the more you save

For every £10 you spend in any of the Heffers shops in Cambridge we will stamp one box on your customer reward card. When you have eight stamps we will give you £5 off your next purchase. To get started ask at any Heffers till point for a reward card. Your first stamp will be free.

Heffers Bookshop 20 Trinity Street Cambridge [email protected] www.heffers.co.uk Tel 01223 568568 A 04 October 2002 FILM ARTS 17 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Now is the summer of our discontent Tom Armitage seems pretty unimpressed with the summer’s movies

For the film writer, September is the cruellest month. It’s when the changeover from Image Net the silly-season of summer blockbusters to the worthier, more serious winter fodder happens. Writing a review of the summer from this position is tricky; the serious, bleak thrillers are already clouding my memories of trashy sum- mer movies past. 2002 hasn’t really been a classic year for films, and the summer con- tinued to prove that: lots of solid, OK movies, with only a few hidden treas- ures. June kicked off with the new Star director of the powerful, moving cellence: Steven Spielberg’s Minority n’t very good. It might have looked sweet), Matt Damon in The Bourne Wars movie and Spider-Man, and these Mortal Kombat, and its sensitive, dy- Report. Spielberg still doesn’t appear lovely, but it failed to live up to the Identity (not bad - though the final proved what we had already guessed: namic sequel, Mortal Kombat: to be able to end movies, but he sure Swedish original, which was tighter, stunt is just daft), and Sam Mendes’ Star Wars was crap, Spider-Man was Annihilation, branched out by di- knows how to direct them. slicker, more intriguing, and less like Road To Perdition (which was beauti- pretty awesome. After that, the dumb recting the film adaptation of Resident Minority Report delivered some great pantomime. ful, vapid, and ultimately pointless). blockbusters came in a deluge. Evil. Amazingly, it wasn’t entirely performances (especially from Insomnia was Hollywood attempt- Still, there is promise of greater Monsters were the big hit this sum- dreadful. The acting was appalling, Samantha Morton), a gripping plot ing to produce a European arthouse things to come in the next few mer: there were big, buglike aliens in there was lots of bad CGI, the plot that pulled the classic trick of divert- movie, but without any of the impor- months. First off, there’s a new a lacklustre sequel to Men In Black, had billions of holes in but hey, it had ing your eyes from the real plot for tant bits that might have made it seem Thomas Harris adaptation, Red Reign of Fire chose the less-trod path zombies! And Mila Jojovich got wet! most of the film, and featured some European. There were some great art- Dragon, with a cast that’s pure dy- of giant dragons, and Eight Legged What more does the goofy teenage of the most natural-looking CGI and house movies this summer, some of namite; a new David Cronenberg, Freaks gave us giant spiders. The lat- audience want? Not much more, it effects I’ve ever seen. And, for a main- which my local multiplex dared to the gothic nightmare Spider; and in ter film proved the problem with seems; a sequel is in the works. stream multiplex movie, it was re- show for a single day. Yikes. The the noisy-and-loud stakes, there’s a CGI-monster movies; when you can Alongside this, we got a final dose of freshingly intelligent. Great stuff - cer- highlight was Almodovar’s Hable Con face-off between XXX (Vin Diesel, make as many giant spiders as you Austin Powers, in Goldmember. tainly a notch better than the rest of Ella (Talk To Her), which put really-noisy-and-loud, extreme like for the same cost as making one, Michael Caine was great, the first the summer fodder. Hollywood’s offerings to shame. It sports) and Bond 20, Die Another Day you end up with more spiders, and five minutes are among the most But it’s not summer forever; and was sensitive, beautiful to watch, and (not so noisy and loud, more Bond, fewer scares. Silly, entertaining non- amusing committed to celluloid, but autumn arrived with the bombastic genuinely amusing. Probably my looks great). Harry Potter returns in sense, then, but not quite great. the rest of it seemed a little tired. And Sum of All Fears, which committed the favourite film of the summer, just November. And of course, in mid- Summer’s also where dodgy teen- that was a common problem with fatal error of putting the best bit in ahead of Minority Report. December, we get The Two Towers. horror movies turn up. Hence Jason many of the summer’s movies - they the trailer. A lot of press attention was And now we’re almost into the Which can’t fail to be good, right? X, the preposterous tenth film in had a real lack of enthusiasm for their directed towards Christopher Nolan’s present tense. The wave of serious In summary: summer, good to mod- the Friday the 13th cycle, where subject matter. Insomnia; after all, his previous film movies continued with M Night erate; cloud of seriousness descends; Jason hunts nubile teenagers in Out of the summer crop, though, was the fabulous Memento. Shyamalan’s Signs (very good, in better things around the corner. space. Say no more. Paul Anderson, one film emerged as having real ex- Unfortunately, Insomnia really was- fact, and refreshingly short and Bring it, Hollywood! Film In Cambridge All For Nothing? All you’ll ever need to know Stephen Aneuryn gets critical on Mike Leigh

If you’re into movies, or per- British socio-realistic cinema And that’s a shame, because they’re them. Unfortunately, when it becomes haps just like the odd trip to seems to be having a small not nearly as well scripted or pre- clear that Rory’s illness is what the film the cinema, then you’re very renaissance in the past cou- sented. The central performances pivots around, then many of the earli- well catered for in ple of months. Dominc cannot be faulted: Timothy Spall pro- er characters become pretty redun- Cambridge. Savage’s powerful drama Out duces another of his superb everyman dant. It’s in the final half that the film There are two main cinemas in the of Control was screened on losers with Phil, and elicits real sym- really comes together, and some of the town. The Warner, in the Grafton BBC1 a few weeks back, hav- pathy from the audience. Lesley greatest scenes turn up, and it makes Centre, will fulfil all your multiplex ing won the award for Best Manville’s Penny is almost as good, one wish Leigh would have spent needs. The Arts Picturehouse, in St British Feature Film at the genuinely troubled and yet unaware longer on that aspect of the plot. Andrews Street (just past Edinburgh Film Festival. This of her own failings, and Alison Sadly, as well as problems of pac- Emmanuel), shows a wider variety week sees the opening of the Garland and James Corden, as Rachel ing, the script seems a little tired; of films, from mainstream movies to Image Net new film by Ken Loach, Sweet and Rory, provide depth in what teenage pregnancy, abusive estate kids smaller independent ones, many for- ings should be in your porter’s lodge Sixteen, and the new Mike could have been clichéd roles. - it all seems too familiar these days. eign films, and a series of late shows or pigeonhole; they’ll also be in Leigh film, All Or Nothing. Phil is a struggling taxi driver; Penny Many scenes seem to have been writ- where you can catch up on films you Varsity, and we’ll review our pick As a filmmaker, Leigh is interested works in Safeway. Rachel and Rory ten by-the-numbers; it’s only when may have missed and old favourites. of college films each week. in character; his films, such as the sem- are their children. Phil and Penny’s re- Spall and Manville work their magic There’s also a variety of College If you’re interested in making film, inal BBC production of Abigail’s Party, lationship is becoming strained, and that Leigh’s talent emerges again. All film societies; Johns, Queens, then why not check the CFTV stand or 1996’s Secrets and Lies, are pre- the family is suffering as a result. When or Nothing is a powerful piece of British Trinity, Corpus, Robinson and oth- at the fresher’s fair; The Cambridge dominantly character studies. All or Rory becomes ill, it forces them to cinema, and certainly a quality film, ers all show films - some from DVD, Film and TV society are the best re- Nothing is no exception. It’s a story re-examine their life and what is of val- but Secrets and Lies is still probably some from high-quality 35mm film. source for student-filmmaking in about family, and the love and un- ue in it. The problem with the film is Leigh’s masterwork, and this just isn’t Most of the time you can expect to Cambridge. And finally, if you’re in- derstanding required for a family to that it just isn’t paced tightly enough; as good. see top movies from a few months terested in writing about movies, work. Unfortunately, it takes in slight- Rory’s illness appears well after the back, but they like to throw in a few then come along to the Varsity ly too many characters on the way, half-way mark, and so Leigh spends All or Nothing is on from Friday 4th classics here and there. Showings squash, or if you can’t make it, email who mainly exist simply to provide a the whole first hour defining his char- at the Arts Picture House cost under or around £2, and list- [email protected] contrast to the central Basset family. acters, familiarising the audience with 18 ARTS MUSIC 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Get out there A Summer Wasted? Corn Exchange Wheeler St. (01223) 357 851 From Dutch jazz to transsexual belly dancing, Martin Hemming doesn’t think so www.cornex.co.uk This week: Ray Davies (Mon) Traditionally when the words This term: Beth Orton, Supergrass, ‘music’ and ‘summer’ are men- The Vines, Suede, Richard Ascroft, tioned in the same breath, Toploader, Sinead O’Connor, images are conjured up of Beverley Knight, Levellers, Doves,

scruffy teenagers head-bang- Martin Hemming Badly Drawn Boy, Groove ing in rock festival mud, Armada, Idlewild sweaty lads largin’ it in Ibiza or aged New-Agers strumming The Junction songs of freedom in a Clifton Rd. Glastonbury campsite. Not for (01223) 511511 me, however. Not this year. The www.junction.co.uk closest I got to Glasto was fawn- This week: McAlmont & Butler ing over Jo Whiley on the (Sun), Mighty Mighty Bosstones BBC’s late night coverage. (Mon), The Coral (Wed) My first (air)port of call on my mu- This term: Bedazzled (with Steve sical mystery tour was Skipol, Lamacq), Kathryn Williams, Amsterdam. But far from whiling Alabama 3, Teenage Fanclub, away the hours in reggae-playing Stereo MCs ‘coffeeshops’ or red-light district ‘clubs’, my musical activity was cen- Boat Race tred 50km to the south-west, in The 170 East Rd. Hague, home of the North Sea Jazz (01223) 508 533 Festival 2002. Not wanting to waste www.the.boat-race.co.uk my hard-earned Euros, I only at- This week: Miss Black America tended the free open-air ‘taster’ night (Sat), The Crescent (Tue) on the eve of the festival proper. In a This term: The Jeevas, Goldrush, cynical attempt to boost festival tick- CRS, Broken Family Band, King et sales, it seemed the promoters had Adora, Rock of Travolta wiped anything ‘jazz’ from that night’s bill. Instead we were treated The Fez Club to performances by Beverley Knight, 15 Market Passage UK hip-hop fusion fellas, US3 and box guy who’s name now sadly es- rated. These Moroccans sure know the huge bustling square that forms the (01223) 519224 the curiously named and curious pe- capes me. Again, dancing like a how to move. A fresh-faced young focal point of the city. Enthusiastic www.ponana.co.uk riod, The Bride of Funkenstein. Bev plonker was the order of the day. man named Yassine taps my shoul- singers, transvestite belly dancers, This week: Mark Rae (Rae & was the star though, her voice melt- As the sunset descended and the der and enquires whether I know click-clacking Berber percussion Christian) (Tue) ing my icy heart and her band get- music stopped, and with my last visit what the group onstage is singing groups and pipe-playing snake charm- This term: Warning ting me and the assembled Dutch to the thoughtfully provided chemical about. Not being well versed in ers all plug their trade in this macadam dancing our awkward, embarrassed toilets completed, I bopped off to catch Arabic chanting, I reply in the nega- theatre, competing with henna tat- Portland Arms dance. I’m sure even Slobodan was my Tube home, grinning like a baf- tive. “He says, ‘This one’s for all the tooists, storytellers, acrobats and 129 Chesterton Rd. taking time out from contemplating foon. And England won too. pretty ladies.’” The modern face of Mongoloid boxers for the tourist (01223) 357 268 his war crimes in his Hague cell to After visits to the ultra trendy (i.e. Islam, indeed. “Marseilles!… Visa!… dirham. The overall effect is of a near come.to/theportland tap his foot to the beat. beer’s £3 a bottle) Fabric and Notting Passeport!…” The message behind the mystical mixture of musical (and oth- This term: Sunday Driver, Next up: India! Well, not quite. Hill Arts Club as well as the inevitable next song needs less explanation. er) entertainment that makes the city Venetian Snares, First Day, Chris Actually it was Channel 4’s Indian evenings in the odd Croydon shithole, Yassine informs me that his favourite what it is. Enchanting. T-T, The Visit, Bad Timing Summer jamboree in Regent’s Park, it was time for my next overseas son- acts are Celine Dion, Cat Stevens, As my ferry left Tanger for Spain, I London. ic adventure: Morocco. Sade and Phil Collins – who says we slipped in my earphones and pressed Man On The Moon I don’t like cricket; I love it – espe- Night-time beach parties aren’t the don’t need to help the Third World? play on my Minidisc player. It was the 2 Norfolk St. cially when it’s on a big screen, ac- first thing you’d associate with an It’s more of the same in Marrakech. Beach Boys. ‘This is the worst trip I’ve (01223)474 144 companied by beer, sunshine and cur- Arab country, but there I was busting When not being ripped-off for a car- ever been on,’ sings Brian Wilson on www.manonthemoon.freeserve.net ry, and followed up by (again free) live my increasingly elaborate moves on pet or an aphrodisiac potion, or in- Sloop John B. I agree with him on most This term: Journeys, Mundane music from Asian Dub Foundation, the Atlantic sands of Rabat, the coun- dulging in the local delicacies of things, but not this one. Threat, Cambridge Revelation Badmarsh and Shri, UK Apache, Nitin try’s capital. Drums pounded, hands sheep’s brains and tripe, I’d head Bring on the Michaelmas Term of 2000 Sawhney and this superb human beat- clapped, strings buzzed, bodies gy- straight to the hypnotic Djemaa el-Fna, Music. PS I love this action packed mentalist Louisa Thomson loses it with Kid606 at The Junction, Monday 30th September

Thief. Who? Kid606. He mp3 killed the cd star). His reputation his live work, it’s obvious which side Dance: A way of expressing en- takes property from others, can only be described as ‘infamous’; of this dichotomy he leans towards. joyment, elation. I’m out of my and appropriates it for his California’s notoriously warped and At first, the handful of people in depth at this point. I don’t under- own use. Except, he doesn’t crooked son, trailing his lap tops the Junction bar are not entirely sure stand electronic production, and I use stealth. He wants to ‘de- (Apple, of course) around the what’s hit them. It soon becomes ap- certainly can’t tell you about thread- stroy music’, and this involves world’s darkest venues, imparting parent that there is only one way for- ing, dropping and texture. I would sampling, bootlegging, regur- permanent tinnitus into the ears of ward. Standing at the side and star- never have thought a guy on stage gitating and reworking just the masses. ing at the stage is not an option, you with a laptop could be in any way about anything he can get his Music: A combination of sounds. need to be moving, following the exciting. But, Kid606 just made me hands on, in the most blatant Kid606’s work is divided between veering path he takes, leading from want to dance, and it’s as simple as For more information on Bad Timing ways possible. pleasant, accessible, melt-into-the- Bikini Kill’s Rebel Girl to X Ray that. and Kid606 visit these websites: It’s a raid approach to music, con- background electronica, and fre- Specs’ I am a Cliché to the Orb and Bad Timing: The people respon- www.bad-timing.co.uk www.tigerbeat6.com verting back-catalogues into dis- netic, breakbeat, digital hardcore in- on and on, to places that you’d nor- sible for all this, and other nights www.brainwashed.com/kid606 torted, twisted mixes (for example spired material. When it comes to mally need hard drugs to reach. of laptop randomness in Cambridge. A 04 October 2002 MUSIC ARTS 19 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

REVIEWS

Less is more. Slow and steady wins the race. This has long been Low’s approach to song craft and the Minnesota Low three-piece have, understandably, seen little reason to change it for this, their sixth album. Accordingly, Trust does- n’t offer too many surprises but it is, undeniably, a gorgeous record. Whirring strings and horns provide the men- acing backdrop for the restrained yet purposeful lollop of bass and drums and the haunting hushed harmonies Trust of vocalists Alan Sparhawk and Mimi Parker. Low are in a dark, dark place (‘When we were young we wanted to die,’ sings Sparhawk on Last Snowstorm Of The Year) but they’re determined to get themselves and their listen- Out Now ers out of it. Themes of hope and salvation are key: ‘But I stayed alive while all else died,’ boasts the detox an- them, In The Drugs. Low will show you the light. Trust. MH

It’s been a whirlwind couple of years for the Spree, and they’re very aware of it. While most bands would adopt a The Polyphonic surly cynicism about the music business, these guys are only feeling the love and talking about how their various record Spree labels have been really nice to them. A welcome change, then, like their album. The idea of fusing choral music with rock probably comes across a bit Spinal Tap on paper, but there’s no ego here. Just beautiful, uplifting songs mostly to The Beginning Stages do with the sunshine, the birds, rainbows and all that mushy stuff. Again, it shouldn’t work, but somehow does. The al- Of... bum’s final four songs embody the breadth of their sound, from the electronic drone that opens Section 6 to the boun- cy guitar figure of Section 9 with Godspeed-strings and 70’s TV sitcom horns in between. While Section 10’s thirty-five minutes of electronic noodling is best forgotten, it could perhaps point the way out of a possible creative cul-de-sac Out Now for the collective. Special. GA

Death in Vegas faced an odd situation going into the recording of their third album. They could now get Paul Weller and Liam Gallagher to sing for them and Indian string impresario Dr. L. Subranamian to score. And this is where Death in Vegas the album falls down. Its opening trio of Leather, Girls and Hands Around My Throat promise much for the album- mov- ing forward from the flirtations with rock from Contino and warping electroclash to their own twisted ends. From then on, though, it all gets a bit… accomplished. Liam turns up for psychadelia-by-numbers and the Modfather takes DIV Scorpio Rising down a dark, dad-rock road. Still, the album redeems itself with Diving Horses and ten-minute opus Help Yourself fea- turing Dot Allison and Hope Sandoval (respectively) where the Good Doctor capitulates the great work he’s done throughout the album. Out Now Light at the end of the tunnel, then. GA

The beginning of a beautiful friendship?

Rock la revolution? Gbenga Adelekan est allé en France to find out

When you get to a music festi- val and discover that Sigur Ros have been replaced by Suede, your heart sinks and it takes something special (ie. more than cut-price European www.notwist.co.uk booze) to lift your spirits. For this intrepid editor, seeing Interpol made it worth the trip across the pond to the La Route Du Rock festival in St. Malo, France. Returning to the festival where they triumphed last year and playing to a crowd that seemed to remember, The festival’s next Damascene not have to work to be blown away a few times over the course of his set. La Route Du Rock get an hon- Interpol were an absolute revelation. revelation came in the shape of by the wall of sound that is just as two-hour set and refusing to play lin- ourable mention for letting a DJ Drummer Sammy Fogarino got a German kraut/post-rock collective often scathing punk as carefully ear arrangements of any of his songs. close out a rock festival. birthday to remember as the band The Notwist. Like most of their post- crafted post-rock. He gets an honourable mention here Those were my finds of the sum- played through a raft of material from rock brethren, their low profile There is a beauty and fragility for closing with old favourite High mer, here’s to another term of mu- their new album Turn On The Bright means that most people in the fes- to this music whose lynch-pin is Noon and generally tearing out the sical discovery. Lights. These guys obviously care, tival crowd do not know what the singer/guitarist Markus Acher. He’s and in Daniel Kessler and Paul band look like. Some even mistake not the best guitarist, not the best Banks, they have a guitar section of them for roadies when they humbly singer, he’s not Brad Pitt. The same taut invention, their angular, shim- come on to assist with setting up goes for the rest of the band – un- mering soundscapes driven by a stel- their instruments. likely heroes whose musical cre- lar rhythm section that sounds like If rock music has always been ations gain something immensely it’s on loan from New Order. about the unbridled virility of youth, special from the fact that they’re Live, these guys are much, much then we either have to concede that making it now when most of their more than the sum of their parts and you’re only as young as you feel peers have hit creative rock-bottom. the same can be said for their debut [yeah, right!] or that there is some- While Neon Golden works best as album, which captures their live en- thing to be said for being old an album-length whole, Pilot, This ergy and adds clarity to all the intri- enough to remember punk first- Room and One With The Freaks stand cacies of the Interpol sound. From the hand. Why? ’Cause The Notwist out as moments when the album’s jerky new-wave rhythms of PDA and simply cannot be explained other- manifesto of marrying simple songs next single Obstacle 1 to the almost wise. Pulling largely from their re- and melodies with electronica is ful- Mogwai-esque aural pleasures of cent album Neon Golden, the fact that ly realized. Definitely worth check- near-ballads Untitled and NYC, there’s most songs feature vocals and skew- ing out. a lot to this album. It struggles to ered post-Aphex electronic madness The festival closed with a master- maintain the momentum of the first means that those who are not fa- class in seamless mixing courtesy of five tracks, but is never less than great. miliar with the band’s material do DJ Shadow, coming to a halt only 20 ARTS CLASSICAL 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk I’m a musician…get me in there Sam Hayes presents a freshers’ guide to playing opportunities in Cambridge

So, you put down on your held Fri 11 – Sun 13. Website: they let girls in… You don’t normally Cambridge application form www.cam.ac.uk/societies/cuso. Contact: have to belong to a college to sing in that you’re grade X on about Henry Jeens ([email protected]). its choir, but you will have to audition! ten instruments and have sung Jo Kirkbride ISIS, the Twentieth Century Music Ego Groups. As if the big universi- carols for the Queen. Now Society. ISIS runs a symphony ty and college societies weren’t you’ve arrived, what are you orchestra, which is not auditioned, enough, student conductors regular- going to do with all this talent? and a smaller chamber ensemble ly put together their own groups for If you’ve been here more than a which is. It is run and directed entire- one-off concerts. The best way to year, you might be thinking that sell- ly by students. ISIS specialises in per- hear about these is to get to know ing off your instruments to subsidise forming works from the Twentieth other players, singers and conduc- your college bill might be a good idea, Century and has played a wide vari- tors and put your name about! but if you’re not that mercenary, why ety of works, including Jazz. Cambridge University Jazz not cast your eye over this who’s who College Music Societies . These are Orchestra. Cambridge’s premier of Cambridge Music. a fun way of getting to know people big-band jazz ensemble. Rehearses Cambridge University Music in your college, and also from out- Wednesday evenings 7-9pm in the Society (CUMS). Joking aside about side. College Societies vary in size – NMR, St. Johns and will be audi- the unfortunate abbreviation, CUMS the bigger ones give bigger concerts, tioning for new recruits at the begin- is a great way to get into Cambridge and most welcome musicians from ning of the term. music. The society runs two sympho- other colleges. Most stage regular Cambridge University New Music ny orchestras, a wind orchestra and a go to the CUMS website: rehearses weekly for a concert at the recitals and run an orchestra, and Society. Provides a stage for appreci- choral society. Each group rehearses www.cam.ac.uk/societies/cums end of each term, CUCO gives two don’t bother with auditions. Some, ating and writing new classical music. weekly throughout term. They Cambridge University Music concerts a term, and rehearses every like MagSoc (Queens’), Trinity, John’s Contact: [email protected] require short auditions, held in first Club (CUMC). Confusing already, night in the week before. and Emma also run choirs which sing Cambridge University Opera week. Each ensemble gives at least isn’t it? CUMC runs a Chamber Cambridge University Symphony a wide variety of stuff. Society. Dedicated, unsurprisingly to one concert a term, often outside Orchestra (CUCO) arguably the best Orchestra (CUSO). This orchestra is Chapel Choirs. If you enjoy singing the staging of opera in Cambridge. Cambridge. The groups are conduct- small orchestra in Cambridge, and entirely run and directed by students. regularly, maybe a college Chapel This term’s production is of the Flying ed both by student conductors and by the Chamber Choir. Both are con- It’s free to join and rehearses Monday Choir is for you. Nearly every college Dutchman. Cast auditions on 11th professional directors from around ducted by guest professional direc- nights. It gives concerts both in and has one, but they all vary in standard, and 15th October. Contact: Dominic the university. For more information, tors. While the Chamber Choir outside Cambridge. Auditions are level of commitment and whether Grier ([email protected]). Tinkling the ivory towers LISTINGS 6/10/02 – 8.00, West Road Jonathan Styles provides a Freshers’ guide to composing in Cambridge Concert Hall (tickets: 01223 722000) Sinfonia of “Musical Time” to misquote therefore should be grabbed. more recent compositions, both by es- al matters. Robin Holloway, Professor Cambridge: Mozart Brian Ferneyhough, “is funda- Experiencing a broad range of con- tablished and by student composers. of Composition at the University, Symphony N.34, Saint- mentally and irreversibly mul- temporary music is vital. The A second problem facing the student Jeremy Thurlow, Director of Studies at Saens Piano Concerto, tiple.” This is, sadly, less true of Pendelbury Library, part of the Music composer is that of having one’s pieces Robinson College and Senior Treasurer Beethoven Symphony N.3 Term Time. The twenty three Faculty, has an excellent collection of played. Actually not so much of a prob- of CUNMS and Richard Baker, Kettle’s academic weeks rush by singu- recordings and full scores to pore over lem as a matter of where to start; so long Yard’s Composer in Residence will all 7/10/02 – West Road Concert larly quickly and study, social and borrowing rights can be applied for as you take the initiative and are prag- be teaching in the Music Faculty this Hall (tickets: 01223 357851) and laundry-related commit- by all resident undergraduates. To hear matic about what is possible (no need to year and would be happy to hear from Academy of Ancient Music: ments will consume more of contemporary music live and profes- try and rival the Gothic Symphony’s pro- student composers. Vivaldi/Handel/Geminiani them than you initially bar- sionally performed, acquaint yourself portions yet) your student days provide And for the time in between all of gain for. So, the Cambridge well with Kettle’s Yard Art Gallery the easiest access to good performers, this? Just open your eyes to what is 10/10/02 – 8.30, King’s student composer’s first prob- which, amongst other projects, hosts a venues and financial backing that you around you. Cambridge is home to Great Hall (admission free) lem: how to complete the latest series of Sunday Coffee Concerts de- are likely to come across. Get involved some superb architecture, art galleries, Freshers’ recital Work in Progress. voted to new chamber works and in- with your college music society, as this museums and a beautiful botanical gar- Frankly, few do. With some discipline troduced by their composer in resi- will open doorways to recital opportu- den as well as thriving drama and dance DON’T MISS: (and optimism) one might schedule an dence, Richard Baker. nities and allow you to meet students al- scenes. There is something here to stir Wednesday 9 October – hour’s composing into the day and, so Playing the music yourself is also ready experienced in managing concerts. every composer’s creative imaginations. 7.30, Corn Exchange (tickets: long as you are not expecting to com- very important, both in order to ap- Membership of CUMS is highly rec- 01223 357851) Russian State plete your first symphonic work during preciate what works well on a practi- ommended. The Society dedicates a Further information: Philharmonic Orchestra un- Freshers’ Week, an arrangement such cal level and to understand what is en- large amount of its time to realising stu- Music Faculty & Pendelbury Library der Poliansky as this may be satisfactory. Otherwise, joyable to perform (sometimes dent works and provides information of www.mus.cam.ac.uk expect to be covering more ground dur- overlooked). ISIS, the Society for 20th further performance opportunities and Kettle’s Yard Art Gallery ing the vacations, which after all make Century Music, execute ambitious pro- calls for works as well as having contacts www.kettlesyard.co.uk Only JoKing… up more than half of the calendar year. grammes of predominantly pre-1950s with other universities’ new music so- CUNMS and Isis A young child says to his mother, Cambridge provides an abundance repertoire and provides the chance to cieties across Britain. www.cam.ac.uk/societies “Mum, when I grow up I’d like to be of opportunities to develop as a com- play in a full-sized modern orchestra. There are a number of established Prof. Robin Holloway rgh1000 a musician.” She replies,“Well hon- poser in other ways, many of which will The Cambridge University New composers in Cambridge who can pro- Dr. Jeremy Thurlow jrt26 ey,you know you can’t do both” not be available to you elsewhere and Music Society (CUNMS), performs vide excellent advice on composition- Richard Baker rjb77 Cambridge University’s very own Baroque-in-a-box Rebecca Taylor gives an introduction to Cambridge’s new Baroque ensemble It might seem ironic that an his- Cambridge University Baroque animated conversation in which we these exciting aspirations.” who are all involved simply because toric academic institution, Ensemble, or CU3E as it prefers to be were discussing the merits of electrify- So far, the concept has been met with they want to be and are all playing to home to such a huge perform- known: a society whose aim is to pro- ing Baroque playing, performing with great interest and applause: most musi- and for each other; and in doing so pro- ing community, offers so little vide platforms and encouragement for musicians who are really aware – who cians share the enthusiasm of the nu- duce music-making that appeals to a in the way of ensembles com- historically informed performance of listen to each other and are involved cleus of the group, which hopes, broad twenty-first century audience. mitted to the promotion and early music in Cambridge. just as much with what everybody else amongst other things, to bring histori- CU3E’s first concert will take place performance of Baroque music. Its President, Jonny Sells, recalls how, is playing as they are with their own part cally informed techniques forward into at 9pm on Saturday 9th November in With the arrival of the new term, how- on the bus returning from a CUCO – it became obvious that we should the context of that which is so rare to- Trinity College Chapel, with an all-Bach ever, comes the recently-formed concert, the society began: “During an set up a baroque ensemble to achieve day: a group of highly talented players programme. A 04 October 2002 VISUAL ARTS ARTS 21 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk The faces of Cambridge art Liz Mallett introduces the essential destinations on your crazy fresher’s week gallery crawl

The Fitzwilliam Museum Kettle’s Yard Gallery You may discover significant pieces of twentieth century sculpture The Fitzwilliam Museum hous- This gallery provides the less balanced on a grand piano or sur- es a huge range of art but this traditional side of art exhibi- mounted on a tree trunk. This in- excellent museum with the feel tion in Cambridge. Kettle`s formal treatment of works combined of a Greek temple-cum-stately Yard has two parts; the house with characteristically weatherworn home is currently a building and the gallery which are curiosities salvaged from a beach site due to the construction of a distinct in purpose and char- contribute to an air of relaxed, mild- trendy new courtyard. acter. ly eccentric Englishness. As a result, some of the usual contents The house, an engaging and per- The gallery, only a few feet away are not on display but there is still plen- sonal series of rooms, containing from the house, is reserved for tem- ty to keep you occupied. The entrance sculpture and painting including porary exhibitions and works by foyer alone presents a dramatic specta- Barbara Hepworth, Ben Nicholson, Claude Heath are currently on show. cle with its mosaic floors, acres of mar- Joan Miro and Naum Gabo offers in- Future exhibitions include ‘Face ble and statues swaggering about in timate insight into the character of Off’, which will examine and re- every niche. The downstairs section is collector Jim Ede, to whom the assess the theme of the self-portrait. dedicated mainly to ancient art which house and contents belonged. If you want to find out more about includes Greek sculpture, Egyptian relics The domestic setting in which the Kettle`s Yard you can go to one of and Islamic pottery, while the upstairs works are displayed gives the visi- the lunchtime talks, held every galleries contain European painting tor a feeling of almost intrusive ex- Thursday at 1.10 or, if you would from medieval onwards. ploration; you can nosily peak prefer something involving alcohol, As one of the oldest public museums around corners, perch casually in a come to the squash on the 14th of in the country and one of the largest out- wicker chair or go and inspect the October. side London the Fitz has acquired quite contents of the miniature library. Image Left: Joos Van Cleve, Virgin a few important works; the collection You may be under some scrutiny by and Child, Fitzwilliam Museum. covers Rembrandt, Titian, Rubens, the invigilators who will ensure you Hogarth, Monet and Picasso amongst don`t tamper creatively with the Image Right: Gaudier Brzeska, others, and the building itself is as strik- pebble arrangements but this Portrait of Ezra Pound, Kettle’s Yard ing as its contents. needn`t detract from your pleasure. Gallery The house presents a combination The Fitzwilliam Museum, Trumpington of perfectly co-ordinated personal Kettle’s Yard Gallery,Castle Street is street, is open Tues-Sat 10-5pm, Sun design and idiosyncratic detail. open Tues-Sun 11.30-5pm. House 2.25-5pm) Works are arranged on windowsills, Tuesday- Sun 2-4pm or placed on a fireplace or bookshelf. Casts, Masks and Giant Pixels

The Museum of Classical The Institute of Visual a block of screens whose shifting colours Archeology Culture glow out of the darkened gallery like a landscape of giant pixels. If you are already disappoint- This brand new exhibition ed with the college talent and space is a welcome addition to The institute of Visual Culture, need to look elsewhere for an the city’s contemporary art Trumpington Street, is open Tues-Sat 2.30-5pm athletic male nude this would scene. be a good place to start. Although the Institute was established You may take your pick from a jungle in conjunction with the Fitzwilliam and The Museum of Arch. of nymphs, fauns, emperors and he- is part of a conscious push towards mod- and Anth. roes, all of which are casts from ancient ernizing the museum`s facilities and Unless you’re an avid fan of local Greek and Roman sculpture. From a attitudes, one gets the delightful im- archeology it may be worth skipping camp Dionysos decked with flowers to pression that the new gallery is affixed the ground floor and moving straight an armless Venus de Milo the museum to the museum’s decidedly conserva- to the impressive global anthropolo- offers ample opportunity to study the tive quarters like a rebellious grandchild. gy section on floor 2. Tribal masks and classical beauty of the human figure. Certainly there is a slight generational totem poles abound. Go look. gap between the Institute`s contents and The Museum of Classical Archeology, those of its long established relative. The Museum of Arch. and Anth., Downing Sidgwick Avenue, is open Mon-Fri 10-5pm On show at the moment is an instal- Street, is open Tues-Sat 2-4.30pm lation by Andrea Bulloch in the form of Horizontal Technicolour by Angela Bulloch, Institute of Visual Culture Get Involved Art Society Art Soc provides a network of people who are interested in or involved with On show or not in your college practical art and the Sunday night socials are a good opportunity to discuss your work or find out what`s going on art-wise in Cambridge. E-mail Joelle As well as 800 years worth of look at. Moreover, colleges have not al- the depths of New Hall house a huge col- Cleveland on [email protected] for more information or roll along to the squash lofty spires, the university’s ways shelled out on the most pre- lection of twentieth century women`s art. at Kettle’s Yard on October the 14th. colleges have managed to dictable of artworks. Aside from the ubiquitous faux-clas- hoard a quantity of art and You might expect King`s chapel to sical portrait busts which gather dust Student Art Exhibition sculpture which seems to go have a Rubens, and anticipate finding on most college stairways, there are This annual forum for young thinking gives students on opportunity to show largely unnoticed. some suitably distinguished Tudor por- some unconventional examples of off their work. Last year some of the more unusual exhibits included arrange- Hidden in obscure parts of the mas- traiture knocking around various oak- sculpture lurking about too. These in- ments of polystyrene cups designed to be peered at through hanging lens- ter`s shrubbery or in mysterious rooms beamed halls next to high table, but you clude an Anthony Caro in Christ`s es and an installation which transformed the interior of the ladies toilet. The which seem reserved only for enter- might be surprised to find photos by chapel, Barbara Hepworth in committee will be selecting works for display this year so if your interested taining royal guests there may be some Man Ray and Sam Taylor Wood scat- Churchill, Henry Moore in Caius and contact Hannah Barry on [email protected] things worth annoying the porters to tered about Trinity or to discover that Anthony Gormley in Jesus. 22 ARTS LITERATURE 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Summer’s Heavy Weather Michael Ledger-Lomas on the holiday’s books

The European literary scene tion; Louis Skorecki’s Il entrerait dans Catherine Millet’s demonstration that made to conform to “essentially 1930s, to which the English intelli- this summer resembled the la legende dwelt lovingly on the ca- sex still sells inspired a spate of books Christian values”. gentsia had previously turned a deaf European weather: long reer of a murderer. The crimes of whose monosyllabic titles – Putain or British literary life is still more com- ear. The only cries of anguish heard stretches of dead calm bro- Soham defended in the language of Whore – and salacious covers were fortable with a concentration on per- however were those of the reviewers. ken up by violent storms. In Voltaire earned for both Gorlin and increasingly on display in English as sonalities than with the continental Amis’ attacks on complaisant lefties the doldrums of the year, Skorecki the public condemnation well as French book stores. wrestle with the big abstract nouns, provoked a public rebuke from his publishers and authors made that any Left Bank author needs to While France succumbed to porno Sex, Race or Death. The best seller old friend Christopher Hitchens, who headlines by striking contro- earn his credibility. chic, Germany’s major literary scan- lists for the summer were the usual dismantled the arguments of versial poses rather than with Stalinbad (as it was soon christened) fine prose. The quality of a line by line and illustration by illus- novel was less important than tration. To Amis’ contention that the the Big Issues it toyed with. French writers grabbed most of the “The crimes of attention. The land of the Marquis Soham defended de Sade produced a crop of celebri- in the language of ties who knew that gaining libertine Voltaire” renown means shocking the bour- geoisie – and the English. Michel crimes of Stalin and those of Hitler Houellebecq [pictured] kept sales were basically morally equivalent, of Plateforme, his paean to Thai sex Hitchens replied in three sen- tourism, high by remarks about Islam tences:”‘Don’t. Be. Silly.” that have landed him in a court de- Zadie Smith’s honeymoon with fending himself against charges of in- the media came to a bitter end with citing religious hatred. The new Sade an Evening Standard article that raked through as much muck as old “The new Sade Cambridge enemies could assemble. has repackaged Smith had supposedly been a “mal- himself as the odorous bohemian”, claimed envi- French Rushdie” ous contemporaries. Vigorously de- fended by many, including Philip has repackaged himself as the French Hensher, from the sour grapes that Rushdie, a move that gained him the inevitably accompanies success, she applause of liberals previously could not however take much com- shocked by the nihilism of Les fort from their injunctions that we Particules Elementaires (Atomised). We should look to the work rather than learned also that the author, born the life. The Autograph Man, her much Michel Thomas, adopted his grand- awaited second novel, met with a mother’s surname in disgust at his France’s most successful export this dal was about race. Martin Walser’s extension of Hello! with Geri muted reception. Reviewers turned mother’s marriage to a Muslim, summer was undoubtedly The Sexual Death of a Critic staged the assassi- Halliwell, Gareth Gates and Roy off by its over anxious style have which shed a strange Oedipal light Life of Catherine M, in which a modern nation of a Jewish reviewer who had Keane queuing up to tell us of inner tended to think that ‘She. Could. on the proceedings. arts supremo documented in excruci- dared to look down on his solid demons vanquished and Olympian Do. Better.’ While England was preoccupied ating detail her love affair with any German work. What might have heights of achievement scaled. with Holly and Jessica, paedophiles male member she could get her hands been a storm in a beer mug took on ‘Literature’ proper made its way Think you could do better than this? and serial killers stalked through the on. ‘Did she (on the way to the boulan- more sinister tones when members through a series of personal attacks. Contact the Books Editor at French best seller lists. Nicolas gerie, at the dentist, with her husband of Edmund Stoiber’s failing bid for Martin Amis’ Koba the Dread was an [email protected] if you would Jones-Gorlin’s Rose Bonbon was a nov- taking photographs) or didn’t she?’ the Chancellorship went public with attempt to broadcast the sufferings like to contribute to the Books pages this term. el length apologia for child molesta- wondered English reviewers in awe. demands that immigrants should be inflicted by the Soviet Terror of the

Books In Cambridge: Where To Get What Indigestible Reads Galloway and Porter’s, WH Smith’s, Market Square Sidney Street Victoria Beckham, Learning to Fly Back to the Stone Age Victoria Beckham, Learning to Fly (full price) (remaindered) The Ninth Cave of the cent manhood. Human relations were Oxford University Press titles (dog Zoo Books, Market Square Zelandonii welcomes back complex, even in the Ice Age. Some eared) For free coffee (last time we Jondalar and his woman Ayla. cavemen do not like cavewomen and checked) Jondalar loves Ayla. Ayla loves have a special friend instead. Soon G David and Son’s, St Jondalar too for his unbeliev- Jondalar and Ayla will have a baby. Edward’s passage News Café, Waterstone’s, ably vivid blue eyes. Ayla also Ayla calls her Jonayla. The coffee table guide to some- Sidney Street loves Wolf. Wolf is a wolf. Everything would be just fine for where photogenic Magazines to read for free with Whinney is a horse. Ayla. But then the call came to be a A first edition Milton your coffee Ayla also loves Whinney and Zelandoni. “Out of the darkness, the Whinney’s son Racer. Whinney and chaos of time, The whirlwind gave Border’s, Market Square Cambridge University Book Racer and Wolf are like her children. birth to the Mother sublime”. She 3 Chick Lit novels for the price of Shop, Market Square They are the Earth’s children®. heard the Song of the Earth Mother, to two The Cambridge Guide to some- Whinney has another baby. She is be repeated at every opportunity. From thing obscure (20% off) grey. ‘I think I’m going to call her now on, everything would be different. Kettle’s Yard Grey’ says Ayla. Art books for the discerning coffee Your college library Jondalar’s tongue finds Ayla’s node. The Shelters of Stone by Jean M Auel table A headache He could give her Her Gift of Pleasure. is available at £18.99 Ayla’s mouth finds Jondalar’s tumes- A 04 October 2002 SPORT 23 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

BEATEN BUT NOT UNBOWED CAMBRIDGE BATTERED POLO PRIZES

ARCHERY for the sake of accuracy, bows are LEAGUE FOOTBALL There were plenty of positives for CANOE POLO a little lighter, but still a large bow United to take from this game Richard Benwell Alex Hellawell can have a draw weight comparable Zee Ashraf though – encouraging performanc- Forty one orcs.That’s how many, to the weight I claim to be when feel- I find myself about to start my es from right-winger Shane Tudor Cambridge retained their position come Christmas, Legolas will fell ing optimistic. second year at Cambridge. and centre-back Warren Goodhind, as a major force in Canoe Polo, each evening in cinemas across Having won “BUSA indoors” last Throughout my first year I in- as well as the way in which the side with excellent performances from the land in a bid to prove the ace- year, the bowmen arrived at the tended (and failed) to make the managed to come out and take the three teams at the BUSA Canoe ness of elves and their arrows over National Sports Centre in Lilleshall journey to the Abbey Stadium game to Sunderland in the opening Polo Championships. the dwarves and their axes. with hopes high. However, despite to watch Cambridge United, periods of each half. The sell-out Bronze medals were achieved by the This competition, described by stirling efforts from the ever accu- much as I had intended to go to crowd at the Abbey got behind the Men’s B team, with the Men’s A and Tolkien in his the Battle for Helm’s rate Andy Somers and James see Fulham while I was working team with suitable vigour (and there Ladies’ team playing well to reach the Deep in “Lord of the Rings” is, I Pawley, from the unshakeable in London during my gap year. was definitely a better atmosphere quarter finals, but being denied a place think, a fitting allegory for the en- Pamela Custance-Baker and from Cambridge were relegated to the here than at Old Trafford when I was on the podium. deavours of Cambridge University Matthew Monaghan, Cambridge Third Division last year. But now there last season, suggesting that Canoe Polo is the fastest growing of Bowmen to demonstrate the skills of could only manage fourth place, I was finally here. And so was Phil maybe Roy Keane had a point in that all canoeing disciplines, and was repre- the Cantab archer over his Oxfordian Edinburgh claiming the victory. On Babb.This time though,he was lin- particular rant). sented by 63 teams at the rival and, indeed, over the archers of the upside, Richard Benwell was ing-up for Premiership strugglers Both teams got a standing ovation Championships. Teams of five canoeists all of the other British lucky enough to win the individual Sunderland,in a Worthington Cup at the final whistle, Sunderland’s re- compete to score by shooting into their Universities, in the “BUSA category of the first years’ compe- second round tie. turning U’s old boy Jody Craddock opponent’s goal - suspended above the Outdoors” event at the end of last ac- tition and shared third place in the The question was though, could was given a warm welcome, and water and defended by the goal-keep- ademic year. It is a fitting allegory be- first years’ team event, thanks to the I get behind this team of players that there was a strangely upbeat feel- er’s paddle. Cambridge dominated the cause Legolas lost. efforts of Diana Wood and Anna were largely unknown to me? As ing among the U’s fans that would- leagues during Saturday’s matches, with The archery practised by most Addinall, two girls not to be toyed any football fan will know, watching n’t have existed in the event of a both the Ladies’ and Men’s B teams competitive shooters today is in with at less than eighty yards! an average match as a partisan is al- Premiership side having lost 7-0 at topping their group. The solid team- many ways a far cry from both the The evening saw no sour spirits, ways more exciting than watching a home. At the end of the day, this is work s allowed Cambridge to enter the popular image of a well spoken wan- only strong ones. Showing flagrant, good match as a neutral, so for this what football is about. The ethos of knock-out stages. na-be-English American prancing and indeed conflagrant disregard for match at least, I was a Cambridge the Cambridge side has yet to be cor- Sunday morning saw all three teams in tights and from the mediaeval re- the boughs that bore the bows that supporter. rupted by the inflated wages and enter the quarter-finals. The speed and ality of the diseased and dissatisfied we shoot with, Cambridge built a As it happened, Cambridge were attitudes of the higher leagues, and accuracy of London proved too much (yet rightly feared) bowmen of the fine fire and enjoyed a night of simply outclassed by a Sunderland this was epitomised by the way in for the Men’s A team, who went on to field of Agincourt.The modern bow, marshmellow and song with the team containing no fewer than 6 in- which they attacked from the outset. bring back a 3-0 score against Warwick though, is still a carefully crafted and companionable people of all teams. ternationals. Goals from Claudio All in all, this was an entertaining to a draw and claim 5th place. The beautiful weapon that requires If defeat can be so splendid, I can Reyna and Julio Arca, a belter from game, and Cambridge certainly Ladies gained 7th place after a tough strength and dedication to master. only look forward to the pleasant Gavin McCann and two each for have the potential to be an enter- match against Loughborough and the To draw the war-bow of old needed prizes that victory will bring when Tore Andre Flo and Marcus Stewart taining side. I’ll be back at the Men’s B team brought home bronze power across the shoulders equiva- the girls and boys from the ‘Bridge gave a final score of 7-0, hardly a Abbey sooner rather than later. medals after progressing through to the lent to that needed to lift two fully sound the bays of battle and take up scoreline to excite passinate support If intreseted in attending a game, semi-finals. The teams will return next grown men from the floor. Today, our bows again. for a team. check out www.cambridge-united.co.uk year to win the Championships.

Help produce Varsity… Cambridge …and get free food! University RUFC Blues' Michaelmas Term Fixtures at Grange Road We’re currently recruiting for our pro- duction team. Join us, and get valuable October experience in the world of publishing. Tuesday 8th v Cambridge (7.15 pm)

We’re looking for keen people to become Saturday 19th v Loughborough Students (3.00 pm) pagesetters, no experience necessary though an eye for good design will help. Tuesday 29th v London Wasps (7.15 pm)

We’ll teach you to use Quark Express and November Photoshop to produce Cambridge’s best- Wednesday 6th v Penguin International (7.15 pm) looking paper with a circulation of 10,000 all over the University and beyond. Tuesday 12th v NEC Harlequins (7.15 pm)

You’ll work with the various section edi- Wednesday 27th v Steele-Bodger XV (3.00 pm) tors to turn their articles and images Saturday 30th v Brunel University (3.00 pm) into complete pages. Varsity Match at Twickenham on Tuesday 10th December (2.00 pm) If you fancy a go, want to gain trans- ferrable skills and don’t mind getting For further information telephone free food from Dojos while you work, then CURUFC Office – 01223 354131 email [email protected] for more information. 24 SPORT 04 October 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk PLAYING THE BLUES Although famous ex-Cambridge the University league this season. BLUES FOOTBALL footballers don’t really spring read- When you think that, along with ily to mind, there is in fact one of rowing, football is probably the sport Luke Layfield note in Steve Palmer, the captain of in Cambridge that is most partici- Sport at Cambridge tends to have QPR. Harding however is charac- pated in, I think we should definite- a preoccupation with the Varsity teristically modest about his chances ly receive more money.” match,and football is no exception. of following suit and making a ca- The Johns midfield man isn’t plan- Inevitably, as the biggest game of reer of the beautiful game, “I’d like ning wholesale change, but he is keen most player’s lives, the event can to but I’m not sure that I’m quite to build on the solid foundations set be a tense affair, fraught with good enough.” by last year’s promotion. nerves, exacerbated by the over- Despite his humility, he has “It’s really important that we make powering setting for the fixture,in trained alongside players such as, an effort to get Freshers playing from recent years traditionally Craven Gareth Southgate (“a top bloke”), the start, as it’s essential, not just to the Cottage or Loftus Road. Dion Dublin (“massive”) and Stan team now, but to the future standard However, one man who definite- Collymore (“prone to mood swings of football at the University.” ly won’t succumb to big-match but an amazing talent”), so what He’s also clear on what he wants nerves in March is the new Blues does he make of the Cambridge his team to achieve over this com- captain, Dave Harding. With two football scene? ing season, “Our aim is to play well Varsity matches under his belt al- “It’s the greatest game in the world all year and everyone to play to their ready (including one man of the and I’ll always play for a team wher- potential. If we do that then I’m match winning performance), not to ever I am. It’s not up to the standard confident that we can win promo- mention his gap year spent playing of rowing or rugby here, but there’s a tion from Division 1 and get up into professional football for Aston Villa great set of lads playing good football.” the Southern Super league where we reserves, no one can question his He does however believe that belong.” footballing pedigree. football at Cambridge suffers from a And the Varsity match? “If we “It gives you a real adrenaline lack of funding, “We don’t have a play well and happen to lose, that rush when you play in a big, Premier coach or a manager, as other doesn’t make it a bad season.” But League stadium, and for the boys University teams do, and so I have then the captain’s confidence shows, who have never been there before, to deal with a lot more aspects than “But we’re not going to lose.” it’s really exciting. The first time I other sports captains. It’s a real prob- For more details, contact Cambrige played at Villa Park I couldn’t sleep lem and means that we can’t afford University Association Football Club

Rowan Huppert at all the night before.” to keep the second team playing in at www.cam.ac.uk/societies/cuafc ROWERS TRIUMPH Canoe Polo National Exclusive – Page 31 Tim Jarratt watches success in Seville

After a series of disappointing Rick Dunn, stroke of the 2002 Varsity races, there was much to Blue Boat was joined by quadruple Alex Harwell be pleased with at this years Blue Josh West in the coxless four World Rowing Championships. event. All season the British boat had Cambridge oarsmen were in the tussled with Germany with both sides medals as the Great Britain team recording victories in the World Cup performed superbly in Seville. regattas, but never by much. The race Tom Stallard, last year’s CUBC was a classic and the two main pro- President, struck gold in the coxed four. tagonists exhibited vastly different The crew included two former Blues: strategies. Germany blasted off hard Olympic gold medallist Kieren West from the start and at halfway were in and cox Christian Cormack. For the first first place leading Britain, in fourth, half of the race the British crew were led by over two seconds. Then the British by Italy, but then they powered through crew started to attack and Rick Dunn the opposition to take a commanding drove the boat through to second lead that they never looked likely to re- place. The last 250m were exhila- linquish. Ecstatic celebrations com- rating as the Germans struggled to menced as they crossed the line. It was hold onto their advantage whilst the first world championship gold for Britain gained with every stroke. all three athletes. Sadly the line came just in time for Germany and they were able to cel- ebrate a win by a matter of two feet in a new world best time. Afterwards an obviously disap- pointed Rick Dunn looked to the future, “It’s a campaign for four years – that’s what we’re here for, we’re here for the Olympics and this is something we’re going to learn from.” Elsewhere at the championships, CULRC could celebrate as former lightweight Blue Nick English won bronze in the lightweight coxless pairs event. Hopes are high that he might be www.theboatrace.org in with a chance of making the Great Josh West - 2 ft short Britain team for the 2004 Olympics.