Gentle Folk and Sick Bastages. Yup, You Have Been Unfortunate Enough to Have Opened the First Part of the Prankthology

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Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate enough to have opened the first part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy. And without too much further ado, I bring you the credits... ______

Donald G. Bixler (Oops da Ogre) Kris Blade Michael Bloch Geoffrey Brent (William Gordon) Victor Brueggemann (Victor) Veronica Bulger Butch (Bostch) Stella E. Chambrick Jonathon Conway Jason D. Corley Lea Crowe Andrew Cruse Joshua E. Culbertson (desnoirs) Ren Cummings (Dark Heart) Raven Darksaint (Raven) Doug DeJulio Gregory Ehrendreich Rosanne Fisher Jerome Fouletier Andrew Getting Benjamin Avery Goldstein Paul Haggard (John Dowskin) Josh D. K. Marok Matt Johnny Mayall (Peg Leg Pete) D. McKeeman (Weasel Boy) Andrew C. Murdoch J. Nelson C. Newman (Sableagle) Ken Pat Gaston Phillips Jennifer Santarelli (mistress josephe) Troy Schiemann (The Green Man) Carlo Settineri (Mike Youngblood) Laura Smit (loa lightquencher) Ashley Taft (Ashley) Sean Williamson (Othello) Eric M. Willey (v.a.l. aka Mercy) Chelsea Wood

1 Joe Zubkavich (Abraham Walker) ______

The Prankthology

______

Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...

Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in fun, twisted as it may be. ______

1. Cut off the hands of Koko the gorilla (the one that uses sign language).

2. Turn an entire hotel in Las Vegas into Elvis look-alikes. Give them all an intense hatred of Elvis.

3. Go to a parachuting school. Replace parachutes with beach blankets.

4. Turn a good number of the Secret Service into clones of the President. Convince them that they really are.

5. Nab a barber and replace him/her. Give unique haircuts. Use pruning shears and a chainsaw.

6. Blow up the supports of the Eiffel Tower. (Really irritates the Toreador and the French.)

7. Switch smoke grenades with real grenades at an Army Reserve drill session.

2 8. Sneak live ordnance into magazines before a MILES gear exercise.

9. Kill every lawyer who has an ad on TV. (Actually, this should go under the heading of Public Service...)

10. Change headings of major newspaper to read "Prince ______Molests Bass!" (Thanks to v.a.l. for the inspiration on that one...)

11. Release and heavily arm inmates of a maximum security prison.

12. Stage a public hanging. Have the public trial five minutes later. Have hangees make arguments in their defense. (Be sure to have live news teams present...)

13. Massacre an entire radio station. Call police and announce on the air that a certain song is never to be played again. Punish transgressors. (The song was 'Basketcase'. It let out too many Clan secrets...)

14. Crash a live-televised awards show. Have fun and act like a Brujah.

15. In New York, get a vendor stand. Sell hot dogs with fingers and penises in them.

16. Go to a pet store and get several dozen large tarantulas. Find some poor schlep on the street, and superglue the little critters to him. Drop him off on a busy street corner and yell, "Look, it's Spiderman!".

17. At meetings, whenever any problem is brought up, any problem at all, suggest holding a bake sale to cover the costs. Emphasize that oatmeal raisin cookies will NOT be sold because nobody ever buys them and you are always left with a styrofoam plate covered in Saran Wrap.

18. Call people by each others names. When they correct you, accuse them of switching bodies. Force them to show you PROOF that they are

3 who they say they are.

19. When someone asks who you are, check your ID. You never know.

20. When you're Obfuscated, you can't see anyone. They can't see you, and that's logic. ("Contrariwise.")

21. Speak a language you don't know. English is a twist on this.

22. Rap.

23. Disco.

24. Invite everyone to the S00PER D00PER MONSTER TRUCK RALLY at the Prince's house. Hang around outside and yell for beer.

25. Rip off lines from Firesign Theatre and Negativland. "Oh, you mean NANCY!", "ToNIGHT is THRILL NIGHT!", "guns.", "Passs the Lord and Praise the Ammunition!", "Read me Doctor Memory.", "And we had to throw it awaaaaay.", "Available in three sizes: Little Miss, Moon Maid and Stuck Pig.", "We shust don't have enough dada."

26. Bite the inside of your cheek and yell "OW! Hey, my teeth are really sharp! How did that happen? Tastes pretty good though... Hey wait a minute! That's BLOOD! Gross!"

27. Fall. Don't get up.

28. Bob for french fries. Have another Malkavian lick the salt and grease off your face.

29. Jump back. Kiss yourself.

30. Suck your own blood. Ask the GM if this counts as Diablerie.

31. Ask people how they can stand it. When they ask what, look around and throw up your hands as if it were OBVIOUS, as if it were ALL AROUND THEM.

4 32. Find a Toreador and engage in conversation. Tell him that Shakespeare really wrote three other plays, but that you persuaded 'ole Willy that they weren't any good and got him to burn them.

33. Become a renegade appliance repair specialist (ala DeNiro's character in "Brazil"). Break into people's houses and repair their machinery. Be creative. Use an Etherite's design specs for the Perpetual Motion Quantum Ice Cream Scoop (r) for inspiration.

34. Paint your face green and wear one of those silly pairs of antennae. Take a pistol and glue on little bits of junk. Wander the streets and accost random people, asking them to "Take me to your leader". If they refuse, "zap" 'em. Repeat as necessary until you are taken to "their Leader" (interpret however you wish). Smile and thank Mr. Leader for beaming out reruns of "I Love Lucy" for the cosmos' enjoyment. Get their autograph and promptly disappear (Obfuscate).

35. Dress up like a roadrunner. Run up to a passerby, hand him a lit stick of dynamite, yell "Meep! Meep!", and run off as fast as you can.

36. Hijack an airliner. Head back to the big city. Think skyscrapers. Think Star Wars Death Star trench battle scene. Don't forget to close your eyes and let the Force guide your hand.

37. Practice your ventriloquism. Use Obfuscate to disappear. Go to a popular and fancy restaurant. (Bonus points if the restaurant is part of the Elysium and/or a Primogen member's favored hangout.) Find people who have ordered their steaks medium-rare. Give a unique performance of "Old MacDonald".

38. Get one tied-up Nosferatu. Put a mask on 'em. Go to a showing of Phantom of the Opera. Unmask him on stage and shoot him

5 repeatedly when he tries to run. Watch for reactions when he gets back up and runs away again. (You might have to shoot an actor to convince the audience that the bullets are real.)

39. Replace doctors in an ER. Try real hard to do well. Tie up real doctors and let 'em watch. Ignore screams. Arriving cops become candidates for gall bladder removal. (Loone, are you sure the gall bladder is in the head?)

40. Kill every 'Smith' in a large town. (This may take some doing, so only hard-working Malkies should try this one.)

41. Go muddin' in the Prince's limo. Tying his favorite ghoul to the hood is strictly optional.

42. Turn Prince into look-alike of Charles Manson. Run like hell.

43. Take a sledgehammer into a house of mirrors. Don't come out for a few hours. And don't come out through any doors or windows.

44. Go to an opera. Show 'em what real Vikings were like.

45. Replace all the children in a maternity ward with chickens. Hoist all the kids from various flagpoles across the city.

46. Put out ad for cheap liposuction. Punish stupidity with a knife and a vacuum cleaner. Volunteer the mayor if there are no takers.

47. Enter a demolition derby. Heavily arm Obfuscated boarding parties.

48. Commandeer multiple cement trucks. Visit the Prince's domicile. Leave town soon thereafter.

49. (Highly difficult. Only for the most experienced sadists.) Get an 18-wheeler with a trailer. Capture and kill Shamu. Deliver to Greenpeace's headquarters with a big bow around him.

6 50. Rob the same bank every night. Start taking furniture when they run out of money. Start taking employees when they run out of furniture. Bonus points to the longest spree.

51. Track down and kill the Brady Bunch just for fun.

52. Set a firehouse on fire. Do it again half an hour after they put it out. All night.

53. Paint big yellow smiley faces all over every billboard in town. Have ghoul snipers kill anyone who tries to paint over them.

54. Replace a boxer in a major fight. Show the world what Potence can really do properly employed.

55. Kill every talkshow host you can during the filming of their show. Take over the conversation. See how many hosts go into hiding.

56. Teach ticket scalpers the true meaning of scalping. Give tickets (glued to scalp) to the poor.

57. Have a good 'ole fashioned book burning at the local government archives building. (Not for squeamish vampires...)

58. Help scientists explore the mysteries of cryogenics. Improvise with meat lockers and pedestrians if proper facilities are not available.

59. Sneak onto an airplane (preferably cross-continental) and steal all the toilet paper. Leave sandpaper. Stay and see how many use it in desperation. (Putting exlax in the food is highly suggested.)

60. Get several large sewer rats (not Nosferatu, just plain rats) and some sturdy metal containers to store them in for awhile. Turn the rats into ghouls and starve them for awhile. Then release them in a geriatric ward, day-care center ( night-care, whatever...) maternity

7 ward, or nursing home.

61. Find some contaminated blood and place it in the local blood bank.

62. Fill a baptismal font with hydrochloric acid.

63. Place bombs on school buses.

64. Take corpses and run them through a meat grinder. Form the results into small, wafer thin patties and smuggle into the local fast- food chains freezers. Telling the board of health is strictly optional.

65. Hydrochloric acid in certain hygiene products.

66. Tape adult material over Bambi. Return to video store.

67. Fly a kite using entrails/intestines as string or the tail.

68. Take surveillance video of a school principal nude and splice it into the class TV.

69. Get a list of abused wives and castrate their husbands.

70. Find a personals section in a newspaper. Kill every person in it.

71. Alter a local billboard to say something really exciting (ex- Prince ______has sex with farm animals).

72. Videotape nuns showering. Give away copies free.

73. Make snow angels. Put dead children in the center.

74. Find a nativity scene. Replace the Christ child with a dead baby.

75. Steal a wrecking ball. Level a crowded tenement.

76. Give blankets impregnated with small pox to homeless people.

77. Replace several electronic toys innards with plastique.

78. Arm a psychiatric ward's inmates.

79. Put obstructions in the path of crowded subway cars.

8 80. Place land mines on jogging trails.

81. Run a van full of boy scouts through a car compactor.

82. Replace the ether found in a dentists office with any nerve gas causing paralysis but not unconsciousness.

83. Assassinate a writer of children's books by bludgeoning them to death with a small child.

84. Arrange corpses to read Spring is Here and then bury them under a large pile of snow. Hope its still legible for the spring thaw.

85. Place a corpse in the middle of a snowman. Again, wait for a thaw.

86. Cut the hydraulic lines on the brakes of as many airplanes as possible.

87. Go to an AA meeting and pelt people with cans of beer (Note: some STs allow aggravated damage if Heineken is used.)

88. Brand people at random with the prince's seal.

89. Steal several suits of armor and weld people into them. Make a wind chime.

90. Put angel dust into the communion.

91. Bake frog heads into communion cookies and replace the real ones.

92. Put sulfuric acid into the ink at a tattoo parlor.

93. Bolt the doors of any crowded area shut. Light some smoke bombs and yell "Fire!".

94. Replace the blood in plasma bags with red acrylic paint.

95. Replace the solution in an IV bag with salt solution.

96. Weaken bungee cords.

97. Replace nitroglycerin tablets with caffeine pills.

98. Reroute the exhaust to the rear compartment on an ambulance.

9 99. Cut off a surgeon's hands, a psychiatrist's tongue, a gigolo's...you get the idea.

100. Arrange dead people dressed as a cowboy, an Indian, a construction worker, and a leather clad weirdo to spell "YMCA".

101. Arrange dead girl scouts to spell "kind, helpful, courteous, and dead."

102. Add ground glass to the road salt.

103. Replace a psychiatric wards thorazine with LSD.

104. Put ammonia into the prince's fish tanks and lethal dosages into his swimming pool.

105. Let lions loose in a nursing home.

106. Release hungry pythons in an orphanage.

107. Steal the displays from a local museum. Send ransom demands.

108. Make chains similar to paper doll chains, but use sorority girls and barbed wire instead.

109. Connect portable generators to a building's fire escapes. Barricade the stairs and light the building on fire.

110. Throw bleach on Goths.

______

Well, that's all for now folks. I'll be posting Part Two on Sunday or Monday for your viewing pleasure. Any questions, comments, complaints, or contributions, please send them to: [email protected]. Thanks, and have a nice day.

-Peg Leg Pete, no, I'm not a Malkavian. Why do you ask?

10 Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate enough to have opened the second part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy. And without too much further ado, I bring you the credits... ______

11 Carlo Settineri (Mike Youngblood) Laura Smit (loa lightquencher) Ashley Taft (Ashley) Sean Williamson (Othello) Eric M. Willey (v.a.l. aka Mercy) Chelsea Wood Joe Zubkavich (Abraham Walker) ______

The Prankthology ______

Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...

Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in fun, twisted as it may be. ______

111. Perform a hostile takeover of one of those kiddy science shows (Beakman, Bill Nye, etc...). Explain to the kids how the world really works. (The use of survivors of the hostile takeover as "volunteers" for experiments is considered good form.)

112. Send your most imaginative Dream Diary to the Weekly World News, complete with illustrations.

113. Find a Giovanni or Samedi who either has a grudge against Francois Villon or a weak self-control. Take your new friend to the ossuary in the catacombs. Rearrange bones before he animates. Be creative. Surprise that next busload of tourists out for that macabre feel.

114. Dominate the Mayor of Paris into keeping the promise he made of swimming in the Seine by 1994. Call the press, of course.

12 115. Get a strong Brujah pal to turn parking meters into pieces of modern art (knots, twists, and turns). Make sure the coin slots end up being unreachable.

116. Ever wondered just how strong those bars holding back that gorilla are? Using Animalism and some of your blood, take over a gorilla at a zoo. King Kong was a sissy.

117. Locate the national fencing team's training camp. Sneak into it at night. Two words: Fleshcraft and Cyrano.

118. "Convince" the local mayor and his cabinet to show up nude at the prince's residence. Make sure there are a lot of TV reporters on hand. Makes for great embarrassment for both sides.

119. During sorority rushes at your local girl's Catholic college, redirect the night's function to a Brujah rave.

120. Fleshcraft and Dominate three ghouls to look like Jesus, Elvis, and JFK. Have them discuss politics at the next meeting of the city's Primogen.

121. Dress up as Colonial Marines. Designate all city officials as ' Aliens'. Save the Earth.

122. Turn entire petting zoo into vampires. Have ghoul videotape children's faces as their favorite animals spontaneously combust.

123. Go into music store. Break CDs and eat them. Puke up bloody bits on the salespeople.

124. Go to amusement park. Shoot one parent in every couple with children.

125. Replace a plastic surgeon. With fleshcrafting, give them more than their money's worth.

13 126. Dominate leading NASA spokesman into having a press conference to tell the public that UFOs and aliens exist. Provide him with fun photos and sketches.

127. Dress up as Crusaders and kill all non-white males, screaming "Kill the heathens! Death to all non-believers!"

128. Poison the coffee and donuts in a shop that most police frequent. Start a riot the next night. (Free inmates only if the riot sucks.)

129. Steal a major stash of cocaine. Have ghouls hand out to children at elementary school.

130. (Only for the most enterprising of pranksters...) Steal a mobile artillery piece. Renovate the slums. Park the piece in the Prince's yard. Leave the state.

131. Sneak into a mall. Switch all merchandise between Victoria's Secret and Dillard's Men's Department.

132. Spear pedestrians with self-propelled marlins.

133. Hack into a major TV uplink. Give a unique State of the Union Address looking like Bill. No, make that Hillary...

134. Put anti-Toreador graffiti all over the Hoover Dam.

135. Skin a skinhead.

136. Go to an animal rights activist meeting wearing fur. With the squealing animals still attached.

137. Go to Six Flags. Jump off the Texas Giant at it's apex. Get back in line.

138. Let a werewolf loose in the middle of a Toreador Clan meeting. Dress it up in pink lingerie first.

139. Using a skinned werewolf hide, Mask of a Thousand Faces, and

14 Vissectitude, impersonate a Lupine. Go punch a vampire whom you know carries silver bullets. Pretend to die when he/she shoots you. Yell "Boo!" when they bend down to drink from you.

140. Dress up like Barney and attack an elementary school with a chainsaw.

141. Make potholes in a major bridge. During rush hour. (C-4 is suggested.)

142. During Christmas season, go to the mall. Find a Santa. Hang him from the ceiling using his small intestine. Think pin~ata.

143. Visit SeaWorld with a fishing pole and a speargun.

144. Get ten of your friends. Dress up like Superman. Run through a TV news station to the top of the building. Try to fly. Run away laughing.

154. Stand in a supermarket cart while a friend wheels you around the store.. a) re-enact George Washington's Crossing of the Delaware... b) put finger over upper lip John Cleese-style, and nazi salute people...

155. Dance to music. Everywhere. Supermarket music. Elevator music. Hold button music. Somebody else's walkman music.

156. Bite pop cans and put them back on the shelf.

157. Go at red lights and stop at green ones.

158. Dominate that clown on the drive-through speaker.

159. Ask a passer-by where the nearest elevator is, even if you're in the woods.

160. Drive backwards.

161. Do jumping jacks whenever you see a green light.

162. Drag a banana on a leash through a mall and talk to it.

163. Answer telephones and order pizza.

15 "Hello, is John th-" "Hi! Is this Domino's? I'd like to order a medium pepperoni, no garlic." "Er, I'm not Domino's. Is Joh-" "You folks are such kidders. I'll be waiting, seeya." .

164. Find out who heads the nearest Klan group and when and where they meet. Kidnap their leader and fleshcraft him to look like the minority of your choice and use Dominate to send him off to the meeting acting like nothing has happened. Sit back and enjoy the show.

165. Recipe for Insanity (Just like mama used to make...)

Ingredients: One paint-ball gun A lot of ammo High level of Obfuscate Patience One cagey, paranoid, lonely vampire

Directions: 1.) Follow said vampire home and sneak in. 2.) Stand behind him (about five feet back), and shoot him in the back of the head with the pain-ball gun. 3.) Obfuscate real quick before he turns around. 4.) Do it again as soon as he calms down. 5.) Repeat all night. 6.) If he flees, give chase and continue. 7.) If he seeks companions, use patience to wait until he is alone again. 8.) Either way, the poor bastard's gonna crack.

166. Place an envelope on a prince's doorstep. In said envelope is a letter from the Black Hand stating that he is their next target. Now blow up his bushes. Repeat once weekly blowing up a different item in his yard or house.

167. Turn a ghoul into Pan (that little Greek boy-god) and have him attend mass.

16 168. Sneak into a baseball team's lockerroom with some friends. Kill 'em all, change into them, and take the field. See how long it takes before you are found out.

169. Buy a lot of gerbils, hamsters, and other rodents from various pet stores. Think snowball fight.

170. Dress up in sheets like the KKK. Spraypaint the sheets red. Hang real violent KKK members in the mayor's lawn.

171. Steal a tank. Go joyriding through a museum and some of the Prince's major haunts.

172. Get the Yellow Pages. Visit as many apartment complexes as you can in one night, giving out $500 cash to any residents in apartment #13. Return two nights later and kill 'em all.

173. Sneak into a book store after hours. Bring a lot of spraypaint. Turn all the books neon purple.

174. Juggle for crowds using Celerity. With severed limbs.

175. Find someone juggling chainsaws. Interrupt them at a crucial point. A knife in the ass will usually do the trick.

176. Set up a sniper hole near the Mexican border. Shoot all border hoppers one night. A week later, come back and repeat, but shoot all the border guards this time. Repeat as necessary.

177. Change "Hooked on Phonics" tapes to instructional videos teaching little kiddies how to cuss like good sailors. (Thanks to v.a.l. again...)

178. Hoist the Jolly Roger in front of the Capitol Building.

179. Visit a Civil War reenactment. Dress up like Injuns and declare war on both sides. Bonus points for the most scalps.

17 180. Slash all the tires on the cars at a used car lot.

181. Go to Gold's Gym. Bring a strong Brujah. Show the silly Kine what real strength is. Sell your "superstrength" pills for $20. (Yes, yes, it's a blood capsule...) Tell 'em it's better than steroids 'cause your weinie don't shrink...

182. Visit a slaughterhouse. Using celerity and a sword, give 'em pointers.

183. Enter a bullfight. Ride 'em cowboy!

184. Dress up like the Beverly Hillbillies. Visit Rodeo Blvd. with flame- throwers and explosives.

185. Go to Disney World and chop off Mickey's and Minnie's heads in a crowd of children.

186. Turn an entire old folks home into vampires. Give 'em the Prince's address and a severe hatred of authority.

187. Go to a deer lease. Catch a deer and skin it. Dress up in its skin and go hunt silly people wearing neon orange camouflage.

188. Attend a political rally with a high voltage cattle prod.

189. Have a friend and yourself dress up like an Arab and an Israeli. Using low-caliber pistols in a crowded street, trade shots to the chest. Reload and repeat until the police and news teams arrive. Fill up on the police's blood and go play bumper cars with their cruisers.

190. Find out the meeting time of your local Diverse Culture Awareness group. Get some friends and dress up like really bad stereotypes (body paint, wigs, and props encouraged) and attend.

191. Visit an electronics and appliance store with a sledgehammer and a bunch of IOU notes.

18 192. Go dynamite fishing, but go at PetLand.

193. Build a catapult. Shoot livestock at the prince's house. If you've seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail, you get the idea. For extra credit throw livestock from a C-130.

194. Visit the local toxic waste dump. Shoot that out of the catapult. See if Toreador get mesmerized.

195. When anyone tells you to have a nice day, tell them that you have other plans. Then take their picture. Walk away fingering a knife and muttering.

196. Get "out to lunch" tattooed on your forehead. Better yet get it tattooed on someone else's forehead.

197. Stare at people through the tines on a fork. If they say anything yell, "QUIET PRISONER #145512."

198. Buy new clothes. Get shot and or stabbed in them and try to return them. Don't bother healing first.

199. On Halloween put liquid nitroglycerin in pumpkins. Wait for people to smash them.

200. Go to a fireworks factory with a flame-thrower. Sing "Light my fire."

201. Sell T-shirts saying "Prince _____ sucks wet farts from dead pigeons." Thanks to Cerebus for the insult.

202. Get a silver-bladed chainsaw. Attack gerbils with it. Tell people that they mature into werewolves, and its best to kill them in the larval stage.

203. Take a full septic tank truck. Give the police station a fresh coat of paint.

204. Kidnap a school principal. Start a bidding war of students

19 vs. the state to kill or release him.

205. Melvin the televangelist of your choice on live TV.

206. Dress up as Jesus. Go to a midnight mass and crucify people. Make lots of nasty comments about Romans.

207. Find a mosque. Bury it under lots of raw pork.

208. Start a mosh pit at a Barry Manilow concert.

209. Pull a large fish behind you on a leash. Call it Fido.

210. Find out when and where the local head of the Tremere chantry will be holding his yearly gala. Hire every costumed singing telegram person in the city to come to the ball dressed in gorilla suits (or clown suits or whatever). Have them all in succession sing to the Tremere dignitary: "Roses are red, violets are blue, Tremere is a slug, and you're spawned from his goo." Then have each one hand the fellow their hydrogen-filled balloon and leave. Have the last one hand him the balloon with the incendiary device in it.

211. During Mardi Gras, replace all the parer-mache heads with real heads on the "Babes in Toyland" float. Have all the heads fleshcrafted to look just like certain local Camarilla leaders. Replaces "Babes" with "Vampires". If possible, drop an illusion over the float so you can unmask it at the best time.

212. Find a pompous Toreador (they're fairly common, I'm told). Using Horrid Reality, have the Torry surrounded by three mirrors in which he sees himself as a Nosferatu, a Samedi, and a Gargoyle.

213. Have one of your Samedi buddies use Rigor Mortis on a vain Toreador. Then Dominate him into thinking that nothing has happened.

214. Dress up in suits of armor with swords. Decorate armor with

20 English coats-of-arms and Union jacks. Kill every Frenchman you can find, singing "God Save The Queen".

215. Turn an entire dairy farm's stock into vampcows. (Somehow, I think Gary Larson influenced me on this one...) Make wagers to guess what the media will determine as the cause of the spontaneous combusting bovines.

216. Re-enact Don Quixote. (Damn, but I loved that story...)

217. Dominate a large number (at least fifty) of people into jointly peeing on the President's lawn through the fence while singing "Hail to the Chief", but replacing "Chief" with "draft- dodger".

218. Dress up like scuba men. Release a few alligators into a mall and chase 'em around yelling about purses and shoes.

219. Go mountain climbing. On a sky-scraper. Dressed up like Spider Man in neon yellow and orange.

220. Gets lots of friends, dress up like cowboys, and ride horses through the intensive care wing of a busy hospital. (Indiscriminate shooting is optional, of course.) ______

-Peg Leg Pete, more to come soon... please address all comments to: [email protected]. Thank you.

21 Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate enough to have opened the third part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy. And without too much further ado, I bring you the credits... ______

22 Jennifer Santarelli (mistress josephe) Troy Schiemann (The Green Man) Carlo Settineri (Mike Youngblood) Laura Smit (loa lightquencher) Ashley Taft (Ashley) Sean Williamson (Othello) Eric M. Willey (v.a.l. aka Mercy) Chelsea Wood Joe Zubkavich (Abraham Walker) ______

The Prankthology ______

Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...

Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in fun, twisted as it may be. ______

221. Attend a "Rogaine with Manoxidyl" informative meeting. Forcibly superglue throw rugs to everyone's head and chase them to a news station.

222. Rent jet-skis. Have a demolition derby. (Telling other jet-skiers that they are now participants is not required.)

223. Go to a ski resort. Start a snowball fight. Five minutes into it, start wrapping impact-fused grenades into the snowballs.

224. Go to the zoo with a weedwhacker. Bravely fight a Grizzly.

225. Dominate Cindy Crawford into thinking she is a sheep.

226. Dominate a Tremere into believing that "Fantasia" is the ultimate authority on magical wisdom.

23 227. Convince a large portion of the American public that 70s style is back in vogue. Oh, wait, already did that one... (Ouch! I was just kidding, josephe, really...)

228. Dominate a Lupine and a Gangrel into singing "My Dog Has Fleas" as a duet. Videotape and send to respective elders.

229. Secretly turn an entire football team into ghouls before kickoff. Bonus points to the vampire who correctly guess the number of injuries by game's end...

230. Publicly draw and quarter Ted Kennedy at a feminist rally.

231. Fleshcraft a large number of people to look like Edgar Allen Poe. Dominate them into flapping their arms like wings and screeching "Nevermore!" all across town.

232. Randomly fleshcraft a sleeping member of a couple into looking like someone completely different just for chaos' sake.

233. Dress up like Lizzie Bordan and visit fast food restaurants. Don't skimp on the whacks.

234. Fleshcraft a bunch of kids into looking like Beavis and Butthead and dominate them into laughing rather stupidly.

235. Send mail bombs to imbeciles who start chain letters.

236. Give a free magic show. Cut a buddy in half for real. Throw his legs into the crowd and let him pull himself after them.

237. Dress up like a clown and beat the hell out of all the mimes you can find.

238. After a Prince has called a bloodhunt on someone, turn about twenty people into look-alikes of the poor bastard. Then turn the victim into a double of the Prince.

24 239. Using the "Mask of a Thousand Faces", look like a Nosferatu. Insist that you are a Nosferatu. Works great on Samedi and Gargoyles too.

240. Go into Crinos at the Toreador Ball. (Vissectitude and Obfuscate recommended)

241. Assume the shape of one of your own paranoid hallucinations, like the thing under the bed. Now go hide under the Prince's bed.

242. Drag around a leash and tell everyone your dog is obfuscated.

243. When granted a major boon (in my case by Capone) ask for a pit-bull named "Spot" and a GI JOE lunch box.

244. Listen to two second clips of random music, REALLY loud, in cars where people can't escape.

255. Decide you are not a vampire, eat real food, tell everyone you just have the stomach flu.

256. Using Vissectitude and Obfuscate, make yourself look just like the Prince's favorite ghoul. Now go and smack the Prince across the face in front of a lot of people, screaming , "You bitch!". Run like hell and release the real ghoul.

257. Make a prominent rabbi look like Hitler.

258. Sneak into a haunted house. Go Horrid Form. Have fun and see how long it takes until people know you're for real.

259. Change to look like a famous person. Do something blatantly illegal. Make sure to have lots of witnesses. (See, Loone, I told you we could get OJ...)

260. Get on top of a tall building and threaten to jump. A few hours (and a few shrinks) later, jump. Get up and say you feel much better now.

25 Run away cackling.

261. Empire State Building. Competition to see who can actually land on someone when they jump. Use stunned onlookers for sustenance. (Bonus points for any mashed toy poodles and the biggest crater.)

262. Find the creator of Capri Sun. Stick a large, stainless steel straw into him, start drinking, and ask how he likes it.

263. Force some heads into a bunch of balloons and blow them up with helium. Hand 'em out for free at a fair. (Mommy, mommy, look what the nice clown gave me!)

264. Play Chihuahua-ball.

265. Dress up in a devil costume with a leather jacket and get a Harley Davidson motorcycle. Attend a Hell's Angels rally and take your rightful place. Start stabbing with your pitchfork if they give ya any lip.

266. Get a very large supply of sodium. Visit a water park. (As v.a.l. said before, sing the Doors' "Come on baby, light my fire...")

267. Dress up like Paul Bunyan. Steal an ox and spraypaint it blue. Start choppin' down telephone poles, singing "I'm a lumberjack, and that's OK..."

268. Dress up like Elmer Fudd and visit a zoo with a bird aerie. Yelling " Pull!" before you fire is suggested.

269. Go to a vet. Get a bunch of syringes that will induce rabies. Go buy a bunch of nasty pit bulls. Stick the doggies and visit a post office.

270. Using fleshcraft and stealth, replace a corpse before a wake. Shake people's hands and thank them for coming when they come to pay their

26 respects.

271. Dress up in togas. Release some starving lions in the middle of a Catholic mass.

272. Sneak into a zoo at night. Heavily sedate and completely shave a gorilla. Spraypaint him pink and put a large pair of briefs and a baseball hat on him. Put a big screen TV in the cage. Sit him up in an easy chair and glue a remote in one hand and a beer in the other.

273. Get a bunch of friends and dress up like outlaw cowboys on horses. Hold up a mass transit bus, telling everyone you're stagecoach robbers.

274. Randomly tar and feather night court judges in the middle of a court session.

275. (Only for ambitious pranksters...) Climb up Mt. Rushmore and spraypaint Lincoln's nose neon purple.

276. (Again, only serious vampires should apply... or ones with a death wish...) Replace the Pope before a big trip. Preach the merits of Greek Mythology and its undeniable truth.

277. Pick someone. Preferably a stuffy PC or NPC. Torment them by pointing and yelling "I want my two dollars!"

278. Go to the grocery store. Buy some avocados. Give them to people. Leave them places. Smear them on your face. Deny that avocados exist.

279. Buy some Transformers. Play with them constantly. If anyone asks, look them straight in the face and say "They're more than meets the eye."

280. If conversing with werewolves (or Gangrel) talk only in barks, chirps,

27 grunts and groans. Howl badly.

281. The trees are waiting to get you. They are waiting for you to die the Final Death so that they can sink their bloated roots into your corpse and grow strong on your stinking flesh. Where do stakes come from? Trees. Best to cut them all down now.

282. Look in that mirror over there. LOOK AT IT. It's only showing one reflection, isn't it? Just one. One of you, one of them, one of those...Now look around: one of you, one of them, one of those... COINCIDENCE? I think not. Mirrors are slowly but surely imposing their reality on all of us. Carry a hammer. Break them and force them to show things how they really are.

283. There is one more place in this room where everything is reflected. Your eyes. Her eyes. Their eyes. Smile and hold that hammer very carefully.

284. Rash of sudden unexplained deaths? Zappa, Bixby, Burgess, Elvis? No mystery to a Malkavian. They had to die or else HOW COULD IT HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO LIFE??????????

285. Sing "I'm a Little Teapot" when you are asked for input.

286. Eat a big meal before going to see the Prince. You know, a nice big steak, some mashed potatoes, salad, orange juice... His place could do with some color anyway. Spend Willpower to make sure you can choke it down. "Gridley, you may vomit when ready."

287. Revert to childhood during combat. "No Daddy please don't hit me."

288. Roller skates are a godsend. Spray paint doubly so. Use it for Scrawl. Use it for Scrawl even if you can't Scrawl.

289. Hide gasoline under the bed in your Haven. That way if

28 anyone comes in during the day and sets you on fire BOY WILL THEY BE SURPRISED!!!!!!!!!

290. Go completely lucid for a whole minute. Tell everyone exactly what you think of them, exactly what is going on, and some little tidbit that nobody has been looking at (ask the GM for something minor). Then they will start to EAT your EYEBALLS from the INSIDE!!!!

291. Self-mutilation, if you've got the blood to heal it.

292. Find out where a high-society play is going to be performed. Get a bunch of friends and dress up like mimes with baseball bats. Beat the piss out of the actors, declaring that they are all frauds, and that silence is the only true art form.

293. Steal some sharks form an aquatic park. Put them in the Prince's pool and tip off the coppers.

294. Find a Coke machine. Break into it and replace the cans with hand grenades. Make bets to see how many teachers' cars get blown up by vindictive students the next day.

295. Visit a modern art sculpture exhibit with a jackhammer.

296. (This would be a tough one...) Just before an attack submarine goes out on an extended patrol, convince the entire crew that they are really a German U-boat and that they must destroy all sea- faring vessels for the Fatherland.

297. Call some friends in a nearby city. Have each group hijack a train and head towards each other city on the same rail. Play chicken, of course.

298. Attend a cheerleading convention with a well concealed shotgun. Watch for when they throw the little girl into the air. Once again, yelling "Pull!" is considered good form before firing.

29 299. Go to an old folks home with a gun full of blanks. Make bets beforehand to see how many heart attacks will be induced. (Yes, yes, I know, I'll probably get flames for that one...)

300. At an organ donor center, secretly replace some hearts with tomatoes.

301. Sneak into the Superdome before a Saints game with some friends. Try to time dropping form the ceiling so you can sack the quarterbacks.

302. Go to a pet store after hours. Fleshcraft all the dogs to look like Spuds MacKenzie.

303. Dress up like knights, carry around a bunch of shrubs, scream "Ni!" at everyone, and throw grenades at rabbits. (Sorry Chris...) Chucking coconuts with swallows nailed to them at pedestrians is strictly optional.

304. Think Scarborough Faire. Think real weapons.

305. Make a real cat-o-nine-tails.

306. Go to a fancy restaurant. When the waiter asks what you would like for dinner, pull a dead cat out of your coat and tell 'em you want it medium-well.

307. Get a rifle and a knife. Go defend the Alamo.

308. Go to a professional fencing match. Really up the juice on those foils.

309. Replace a prisoner slated for execution the night he is to be killed. See how many times they throw the switch. Demand a doctor to check you out and really confuse 'em.

310. Rob a bank that you know has marked bills. Over the course of the next week, accost a lot of people and tell them, "Dis is a robbery!". Put

30 some of the stolen money in their wallets and purses. See how many get hauled off for questioning the next day.

311. Dress up like Vikings, travel to England, and burn and pillage a small coastal town.

312. (Only for the hardy and ambitious Kindred...) Go to Antarctica. Wipe out all the scientists and the claim the international land as the domain of a certain Prince to all the authorities via radio. Run like hell and watch the Justicars descend on the unfortunate Prince...

313. Attend an orchestra with a few Roman candles and some smoke bombs.

314. Claymores, the ultimate whoopee cushions.

315. Fill several balloons with chlorine gas, and give them away. Tell kids they're filled with helium, and will make them talk funny if they inhale the gas.

316. Air compressor. Glass beads. Catheter.

317. Switch the sides of beef in a meat locker with live cows from a pasture.

318. Free all the fish from an aquarium, deliver them to Sally Jessie on the air, and explain that, "Once a PETA, always a PETA."

319. Raid a morgue. Replace the corpses with mannequins. Replace the mannequins with corpses.

320. Dress up like muppets and hose people down with formaldehyde. Demand to know, "What have you done with Kermit?"

321. Take over the Bastille, and start guillotining tourists.

322. Attend a showing of Bambi. Sit in the balcony, and use a sniper rifle to drill Thumper.

323. You know those Super-Water Balloon Launchers they sell in

31 the back of Popular Science? You know small children? You know what to do.

324. For Valentines Day, encase someone's spouse in chocolate. Like, a lot of chocolate. Make sure they're dead. Deliver with a large bow.

325. Get some SCUBA gear. Come out of the water and whack fishermen with a large bass.

326. As above, but find someone wading. Have a friend grab their line and take off. Then grab their ankles and take off.

327. Thermite grenades in the toilet! A LOT messier than cherry- bombs.

328. Go to Burger-King. Order a milkshake without the cup. If they complain, remind them, "Your way, right away." I saw this somewhere but can't remember where...

329. Dance naked somewhere. Explain that John Mellencamp made you do it.

330. Most air-force academies have rockets standing around. Steal one some night, and then saturate the ground around it with fire from a flame- thrower. ______

-Peg Leg Pete, all for now, kiddies...

Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate

32 enough to have opened the fourth part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy. And without too much further ado, I bring you the credits... ______

33 The Prankthology ______

Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...

Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in fun, twisted as it may be. ______

331. Go to a night school. Find a geometry class. Demonstrate one practical use for bisection and trisection on the instructor.

332. Find a biology class. As above but dissection.

333. Yuppie hunt!

334. Landmines on a football field.

335. Find a place that does nighttime skydiving. Sneak on board and stay hidden until everyone starts jumping. Hitch a ride down with someone right as they leap. Bonus points if your target pees themself.

336. (Variation on the above...) When everyone jumps, throw the pilot out. Commandeer the plane and go back and see how many of the skydivers you can hit before they land.

337. Go bowling with dynamite.

338. Find some idiots bungee jumping off a rural bridge at night. Bring along some binoculars and a sniper rifle with a Starlight scope and a silencer. Watch for looks of shock as the bungee jumper's buddies pull their perforated friend up.

34 339. Find one of those places that makes animal ice sculptures during Christmas season. Dress up like "the great white hunter" and bag a few "savage beasts" with a shotgun and a British accent.

340. Replace a noted anthropology lecturer and unveil the secrets of Man's evolution from the noble bunny rabbit.

341. Get a bunch of friends and dress up in togas. Go find Ted Kennedy while on Capital Hill. Think Julius Caesar...

342. Brand a big "A" on the forehead of as many prostitutes you can find in one night.

343. During the middle of a nighttime mass, run in and stake the priest through the heart, screaming that he was a vampire. Tell them all that you can prove it by taking out the stake and saying that he'll then get back up again. When he stays dead on the floor, apologize and run like hell.

344. Find a bunch of obnoxious Goth punks. (Using dominate and Dementate, of course...) Declare the technology is a MENACE created by the ESTABLISHMENT to SHACKLE us and take away our FREEDOM and make us dress in bright COLORS. When you get 'em all riled up, hand out sledgehammers and lead them to Best Buy.

345. Find Alex Trabek. Say "The current President." If he doesn't answer " 'Who is' Bill Clinton", punch him in the mouth. Keep it up each night with a new question and answer until he answers the correct way.

346. Entice the same Gangrel into frenzying each night in the presence of the Prince until he looks like a wildebeest.

347. Find a Toreador who has a lovely little sculpture gallery. Tie 'em up and pry his eyes open (watch A Clockwork Orange for

35 pointers...). Force him to watch while you spraypaint everything he holds dear neon purple.

348. Walk around exaggeratedly slow on tip-toes with a baseball bat. Whack a curious passerby. Continue until the police catch up with you. When they question you, tell them that you were just following Teddy Roosevelt's advice.

349. Dress up like a cave man and get a spear. Go to a science museum and attack the dinosaurs while singing the praises of mammals.

350. (You need to be able to hide real well on this...) Go to a night court. Think whoopee cushion. Think porcupine. (Hey, v.a.l., we both had whoopee cushion pranks. Sick minds think alike, eh?)

351. Go to an aquatic park. Steal a dolphin. Now go to a tuna fish cannery. Beat the hell out of everyone with the dolphin. Then put the tuna employees in the tank you took the dolphin from. Put the dolphin in one of those big blue mailboxes. (Some disassembly required.)

352. Pick an NPC at random, someone very minor. Slaughter them mercilessly. Insist they would have intervened at a crucial moment and destroyed everyone. Explain it perfectly reasonably and rationally. Let them think you're nuts.

353. Start posting Target Lists for your pranks at crucial places (Elysium, the Tremere Chantry, on flyers at meetings, etc. listing dates names and maybe even the nature of upcoming pranks. Adhere to the list strictly. Then start to charge a fee for it. Then print a totally spurious list and go back to business as normal. Option: continue producing Lists. Slowly turn them into demented collage work that everyone MUST STILL READ. Or burn them, and read the future

36 in the smoke.

354. Completely change minor personality traits for no reason. Like alternative music? Practice sneering at everything but 20's cowboy songs. Like a particular author? Risk Rotschreck to burn every copy you own. Options: A phase? A prelude to a personality shift or split? No reason at all? "I was always like this?"

355. If for some reason your credibility gets too high, fictionalize memories. Or develop an eidetic memory and become an idiot savant if it gets too low. Then drop them before the GM can charge you points for them.

356. (Only for the truly creative player). You are a failed Malkavian, who still craves the security of a single reality. LOCK yourself into a single reality-frame. Desperately try to believe it's the only one. Unfortunately for you, it's not this reality---it's something else entirely.

357. Suddenly claim to have achieved Golconda. Live it. Put someone else on the path. Then degenerate into slavering bestiality.

358. Find out when Gallagher's gonna give a show. Substitute one of his watermelons with one filled with nitroglycerin.

359. (This one is extremely difficult and requires a very skilled practitioner of Obfuscate and Dominate...) Get two orangutans. Mask them to look like two heavy-weight boxers right before a fight, and stuff the real boxers in some small lockers. Unmask the overgrown chimps during the middle of the first round.

360. (This is a variation of the above...) Replace two boxers before a fight. Midway into the first round, both go Horrid Form and pound the

37 unlivin' bejesus out of each other. Ripping off a limb and beating the other boxer with it is considered bad form.

361. Get some friends and dress up like pirates. Make filthy landlubbers ( that would most likely be Ventrue...) walk the plank off a skyscraper. (Thanks, Babd, for reminding me...)

362. Dress up like a gold miner. Carrying a pickax and some dynamite, go to an indoor mountain climbing establishment. Set up the dynamite and inform all the claimjumpers that they have five seconds to leave before they are evicted.

363. Go commandeer an eighteen-wheeler. Play chicken with the police precinct building. No fear.

364. Go to a Blockbuster Video store dressed in a dark suit and sunglasses. Get every copy of Bram Stoker's "Dracula" and start walking out of the store. When confronted, tell the employees that you are on official FBI business and that you are confiscating important federal evidence. When they continue to argue, accuse one of them of being a vampire trying to run a cover-up operation and behead him. Tell stunned onlookers that the fact that he isn't getting back up while beheaded is proof that he was a vampire. Hell, everyone knows beheading vampires kills 'em...

365. Get a pinstripe suit and a tommy gun. Go to a crowded bar. In your worst Prohibition gangster voice, tell the barkeep, "Mr. Capone don't like ya musclin' in on his business, see?". Then gun him down and shoot up all his liquor. See how many people show up the next night.

366. Find a Tupperware party. Reenact the Salem witch trials/burnings. (Damn Tupperware...)

38 367. Make yourself look like JFK, bullet holes, splatted brain, and all. Call a press conference to tell America what really happened that fateful day.

368. Sneak into a maximum security prison dressed like Death, scythe included. Execute each death row inmate in his cell, but take his head with you. Enjoy the media circus the following night. A week later, call up some asinine show like "Hard Copy" with heads in hand...

369. Hijack a truckload of televisions. Sneak into an Amish community and cement a TV into the living room of each house.

370. Get some friends. Nab as many younger Nosferatu as you can in one night. Fleshcraft them all to look just like Fabio.

371. (Only for the truly sick and perverted pranksters...) Fleshcraft some guy's manhood to the point where if he walks naked in the sand, he leaves behind two footprints and a little ditch.

372. Dress up likes Moses. Go about Jewish communities and part small bodies of water with hand grenades and C-4. Public pools open at night are always nice...

373. Go to Lincoln's Log Cabin. Introduce it to modern technology, ala the chainsaw.

374. Find one slightly cagey Prince. Now impersonating one of his more trusted Primogen members, inform him conspiratorially that a Justicar is coming to town. A few days later, after the rumors have had time to grow, impersonate a Justicar. Walk up to the Prince in the middle of a Primogen meeting and start pointing at him while laughing uproariously. Throw a rubber chicken at him and leave.

375. Organize a Halloween festival with a "biting booth" to replace the

39 kissing booth. Start with humans wearing plastic fangs. Then join them and show how it's really done.

376. Sneak a note under a Justicar's door saying: "You, we of Gehenna await, Your test is to find the way. Seek now the hidden gate, You have until the break of day."

Then go light fires all over town. Watch him scurry. Tee hee! (What do all the fireman and police think about seeing the same person prowling about all the fire scenes when they arrive? Does the Justicar brave the flames? Twice? Get home by morning? Remember, camcorders are your friends...)

377. Abduct one cow. Vandalize it by shaving all its hair off and painting a biological hazard symbol on it. (The 'Precedent'.) The next night, steal a dozen cows. Vandalize them all in the same way. Then turn them into vamp-cows. Now fill their unused body cavities with plastic explosives attached to a remote-control detonator. Drop the cows off at the police precinct houses, and while the cops try to figure out what to do with a bunch of vandalized cows, detonate the explosives.

378. Get a slue of pigs and turn them all into vamp-chops. Now superglue Crusader uniforms to them and release them in a mosque.

379. Miami Vice-letics! a) Become accepted by your local werewolf sept as a good sort if a bit weird. b) Be exiled for challenging one of their Ahroun in too silly a manner. c) Call on said Ahroun and take him on holiday to Jamaica. d) While there, zap everyone's minds until you have made some two million in poker. e) Then give this to a random cocaine smuggler to set up as a hotelier, and inspire him to be very good at it.

40 f) Get bored waiting for your exile to expire. Buy some speedboats. g) Relieve boredom by watching several James Bond movies, and be inspired by them to break up several major drug smuggling rings in 007's trademark suave, debonair manner. h) Remain miraculously unhurt by bullets. i) Exit stylishly before local Settites throw a wobbly.

380. 400 Meter Ancient Deity Offending! a) Use a Mage's Umbral computer to obtain Madonna's phone number. b) Use Presence to persuade her to fly to Athens with you. c) Continue and persuade top producers to help you record a song with her. d) Keep going and convince all major radio stations to A-list the result. e) Use your skill to write major league song encouraging goddess Athena to pop up and make herself heard. f) Spend rest of unlife fending off Camarilla Justicars with no sense of humor.

381. Take the entire Japanese whaling fleet into Pearl Harbor. Then while the authorities are sweating over it, sink the lot. Blame the Russians.

382. Using Mask of a Thousand Faces, appear as a Tremere and be present during one of their rituals. "Accidentally" screw it up and blame those damn Malkavians.

383. Snag the account number for the local Prince's platinum American Express Card. Watch the Home Shopping Network and order two of everything. Send one to yourself and the other to the Ventrue Justicar with regards from the Prince.

384. Go to an art class at night school. Cut off everyone's right ear.

385. Assassinate a big city mayor. Continue doing this until no one runs for

41 office. Bonus points for having each new mayor killed in a different manner.

386. Go watch "Under Siege" with some friends. Then go off Steven Segal and do it right.

387. Go gay bashing: beat the piss out of everyone with a smile on their face. (Thought ya had me, didn't ya?)

388. Mosh pit. Carefully concealed personal tazer. Hours of entertainment.

389. Get one of those super slingshot water balloon launchers. Go to a chicken farm. Reveal to them the secrets of flight.

390. Find one of those Carnival luxury cruise ships. Head way north. See how far along cruiseships have come in terms of safe boat abandonment since the Titanic.

391. Commandeer a C-5 Galaxy transport plane. Raid a car dealership. Play Santa Claus from high altitude. (Thanks v.a.l.)

392. Once again, sneak into a zoo at night. Spraypaint all the primates neon purple and dress a hippo in a pink tutu and ballerina slippers with some superglue.

393. Hydrochloric acid. Super Soaker 2000. Law School.

394. Find a flag burner. Torch 'em and ask how he likes it.

395. Get a steamroller. Have someone turbo-charge it. Go to a carnival and see how many smears you can make. Bonus points for dumb-ass mimes and clowns.

396. Get some friends and dress up like soldiers form Santa Anna's army. Take back the Alamo from those rebellious Texans.

397. Dress up like Confederate soldiers. Storm the White House and kick out the Yankee aggressors.

42 398. Get a cement truck. Cement over the "Walk of Stars". Bonus points for snagging pedestrians.

399. Go to a cemetery and find some fresh graves. Grab some limbs and other body parts. Now find a museum with some old statues. Replace any missing parts and limbs with superglue and pilfered corpse pieces.

400. (This one's for you Matthew...) Go to France with a duffflebag full of Bic razors. Enforce armpit shaving among the women.

401. Get some friends and dress up like Robin Hood and his Merry Band. Hijack armored cars and give all the money to the homeless. See how many keep it and get arrested.

402. On live TV, disembowel yourself and give a Roy Rogers lasso show with your small intestine.

403. Dress up in a dog suit. Froth your mouth with shaving cream. Beat the piss out of every employee in the post office. Make sure you bit all the mailcarriers on the butt.

404. (Only for the truly life-defying vamps... or something like that...) Locate and steal a nuclear warhead. (It may be best to import on this part...) Find a hippie commune. Decorate the warhead with peace slogans and superglue the hippies to the warhead. Call the authorities and demand global disarmament.

405. Find one of those silly dude ranches. Dress up with some buddies like Injuns. You know what to do by now...

406. Get a lot of friends. Go to Scotland. Dress up like Highlanders with kilts and swords. Storm over Hadrian's Wall and punish the invaders to the south.

43 407. Get some friends and dress up like the Power Rangers. Now go to an elementary school and beat the piss out of every kid with a PR lunchbox.

408. Convince an entire fraternity house that they are really walking on the ceiling. Amusing to watch them cling to furniture and plead to be let down.

409. Dominate some poor schlep into threatening that he's gonna jump off the top of a building. Then wait for all the news crews and rescue people to come on up. Now dominate them into threatening they're gonna jump...

410. Using four hundred gallons of spackle and a spatula, go to a zoo at night and plug certain animal orifices. Put exlax in their food just before dawn.

411. According to Jewish custom and law, insane personas are not held accountable for their actions. Also, people are told specifically not to harm insane people. How about we take a trip to the Holy Land and beat a Hassid...

412. Wax the steps at an old folks home and yell, "Fire!".

413. Re-set Big Ben one minute ahead per day. For a month. Keep buying expensive watches in London and returning them angrily.

414. Disguise yourself as Jim Morrisson and take a flight from Africa to L.A.

415. Install wind tunnels in a leper colony.

416. Spike a city's water supply with LSD.

417. Go to some plague or disease infested village and bring a friend. Now re-enact the famous Monty Python "Bring out yer dead" skit.

418. Dominate a Salubri into thinking "Doctor Faustus" is the

44 ultimate authority on healing.

419. Find some jack-ass Torry you don't like. Now go find a Black Spiral Dancer and tell him that someone calling themself a "White Howler" told you to tell them to bugger off. Give directions to the Torry.

420. Find a somewhat small town. Just before dusk, have a bunch of ghouls very quickly build a small wall in the middle of the main street. Include rolled razor wire and spotlights. When the sun sets, come out dressed like post WWII East German soldiers. Start screaming in German (or just sound harsh and use a lot of phlegm) at the curious bystanders and open fire. No one must cross the Berlin Wall. (When no one else will come near enough to drill, label some of your more unobservant buddies as capitalist sympathizing traitors...)

421. Get a couple of friends and some tow trucks. Declare a ritzy valet parking garage a no parking zone. Whap valet attendants on the noggins with the "No Parking" signs you ripped out of the ground on the way there if they argue. Tow the offending vehicles to the police impound lot.

422. ...or if you can't get the two trucks, carve a parking violation ticket onto each car's hood with a knife and superglue "No Parking" signs to the windshields.

423. Sneak into a local grocery store after hours. Peel a bunch of bananas. Glue the peels back onto the banana-shaped plastique you brought and put the produce on the bottom of the pile. Have ghouls with camcorders in place the next day.

424. Get a bunch of nasty, preferably rabid, pitbulls. Go to a very fancy

45 restaurant. Declare all diners as trespassing on your land. Release the hounds.

425. A "JUGGS" baseball throwing machine. A couple of bags full of potatoes. A crowded movie theater. Multiple concussions, much blunt trauma, and lots of giggles.

426. One commandeered garbage truck filled to the brim. The state legislature building. Explain that you're only trying to consolidate the location of all the trash.

427. Find out where someone is doing a shark documentary. Glue a fake dorsal fin on your back and a big row of souvenir shark teeth on your mouth. See how much film coverage you can get when you attack another shark with a fireman's ax.

428. A crowded whirlpool at a health club. A juiced-up cattle prod. Lot of neat new hairdos.

429. Think dynamite fishing. Now think dynamite cattle herding.

430. Get a mobile anti-aircraft gun. Go to a busy airport. Declare duck season open.

431. Steal a baby elephant. Make it watch a certain Disney movie. Hope it has learned quickly as you launch it off of the Sears Tower.

432. Fleshcraft someone to look like Bill Clinton. Strip him naked and superglue frozen waffles all over his body. Drop him off in front of the Senate Building during session. Dominate him into going inside screaming "I never inhaled! Really!".

433. Watch TV all night and write down the address of every frivolous lawyer who advertises. The next night, visit each one and superglue a whiplash neckbrace onto him. Damn weasels...

46 434. Find a building where people regularly commit suicide. Wait for a person to try and kill themselves by jumping. Talk them out of it. As they are about to come of the ledge, push 'em off.

435. Go to a big parking garage. Take the front license plate off of every vehicle there. Now go stack them in a pile in front of the Post Office. (Placing a potato carved into the bust of Henry Ford on top of the pile is optional, but considered good form.)

436. (Prank Story...) One twelfth generation Malkavian gets elected Prince of a major city. Now, Maxwell, a sixth generation Gangrel and former Prince, comes back to reclaim his throne. Now Abraham (the Malk) phones up Maxwell and challenges him to personal combat for the Princehood. Rules are that no aggravated damage be done and all hits must be weapons, not hand to hand. Maxwell laughs and accepts. The next night, Abe shows up. Waiting are Maxwell and quite few other vampires along with Abraham's friends. They both prepared themselves, and the duel began. Now Abraham yells to Maxwell, "You have been the Prince of Chicago, and so, as the present Prince, I will now show you a sign of my respect for you." He then turns around, drops his drawers, and flatulates at Maxwell. Maxwell, of course, frenzies and loses control. Most of the watching vampires jump off the roof and run. Maxwell throws his sword at Abraham, grows claws, charges, and assaults him hand to hand. A friend of Abe's then interferes, using Telekinesis to pull Maxwell off Abraham. And so the little Malk defeats his foe and pranks the entire city in the process...

437. Find a place that sells firewood. Buy a bunch of it. Now douse it in

47 gasoline and light it. Argue with proprietor that he never stipulated anything about location...

438. Steal a grizzly bear. Superglue a forest ranger hat on his head, a can of gasoline in one had, and a Zippo in the other. Let 'em loose near the fire station.

439. Sneak into a grocery store after hours again. Superglue worms to every apple.

440. A baseball bat, some grenades, and a marching band at a parade. Bonus points for floats. ______

-Peg Leg Pete, part five coming soon to a newsgroup near you...

Please address all comments to [email protected].

Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate enough to have opened the fifth part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy. And without too much further ado, I bring you the credits... ______

Donald G. Bixler (Oops da Ogre) Kris Blade Michael Bloch Geoffrey Brent (William Gordon) Victor Brueggemann (Victor)

48 Veronica Bulger Butch (Bostch) Stella E. Chambrick Jonathon Conway Jason D. Corley Lea Crowe Andrew Cruse Joshua E. Culbertson (desnoirs) Ren Cummings (Dark Heart) Raven Darksaint (Raven) Doug DeJulio Gregory Ehrendreich Rosanne Fisher Jerome Fouletier Andrew Getting Benjamin Avery Goldstein Paul Haggard (John Dowskin) Josh D. K. Marok Matt Johnny Mayall (Peg Leg Pete) D. McKeeman (Weasel Boy) Andrew C. Murdoch J. Nelson C. Newman (Sableagle) Ken Pat Gaston Phillips Jennifer Santarelli (mistress josephe) Troy Schiemann (The Green Man) Carlo Settineri (Mike Youngblood) Laura Smit (loa lightquencher) Ashley Taft (Ashley) Sean Williamson (Othello) Eric M. Willey (v.a.l. aka Mercy) Chelsea Wood Joe Zubkavich (Abraham Walker) ______

The Prankthology ______

Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...

Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere.

49 This is all in fun, twisted as it may be. ______

441. Tie someone to some railroad tracks. Dress up like Superman. Stand on the tracks and try and stop the train from smushing the poor sap. Bonus points for good hang time.

442. (This one may take a lot of work...) Build a very large mousetrap (life-size). Now fleshcraft some sucker into looking like a huge rat. (You may need some gray spraypaint here.) Arm the trap and throw ratboy on it. Now relocate the filled trap to the lawn in front of the Senate. Spraypaint "You're Next" on the sidewalk.

443. Get yourself hit by a bus. Struggle feebly on the ground. When the paramedics arrive, feign a slow heartbeat. Once at the hospital, wait til they put you under (heh, heh) and begin operating. Open your eyes and give helpful pointers to the doctors.

444. Set up one of those super slingshot launchers behind a drive-in movie screen. Think car batteries.

445. Rip out your eyeballs before sleeping one day. The following night, take them and superglue them on the front door of town hall. Carve "Big Brother Is Watching" on the door.

446. Go to a boating show. Get a jetski and a box of dynamite. Destroy the evil Spanish Armada.

447. Go to a basketball game. Find a very hidden spot in the rafters. Have a sniper rifle with a big scope, a good silencer, and a flash suppresser. See how many three pointers you can gun down halfway there. Shooting the players is considered bad form.

448. Go to a journalist convention. Demonstrate to them the real

50 meaning of 'decimation'.

449. Go to an unemployment office during a busy time. Rob it just for the confused expressions you'll get.

450. Go to a suicidal feelings help group. Halfway into the session, pull out a gun and shoot yourself in the head. Put it away and tell everyone you feel much better. See how many people still stay. Bonus points if you can get someone to help you pick up your brains.

451. A porcupine in each fist. A mosh pit. 'Nuff said.

452. (Only for the truly sick and perverted male pranksters...) Cut off your tallywhacker. (Don't worry, it'll grow back...) Superglue a live garder snake in it's place. Go to a doctor telling him you have a small problem...

453. Find a lone werewolf. With some friends, restrain him somehow. Now immolate him. Take the ashes and put them in a desk at the local TV station. Imagine the suprised looks when furbutt regenerates in a mildly irritated frame of mind. (Did I just open a door to portable werewolf bombs?...)

454. (Prank story...) Well, once there were a bunch of Malkavians who wanted to join a Sabbat pack and lead it. And they were all named Frank... no, not each one named Frank, more like a pack name or group mind or something. So they came up and challenged for monomacy, and the Brujah who led the pack said all right. They said you'll have to fight 'Frank', and he said okay. So the Malks all jumped on him and beat the piss out of him. Then they ran the pack forever and ever until they were killed by Lupines.

51 455. Drop Anvils on the members of that group that gripes to Congress about violence in cartoons.

456. Go to a feminist rally. Dominate all of the women into believing that they are Lorena Bobbit. (For the truly sick, fleshcraft them all into looking like her also.) Lead them to a bar and let them loose with anything form daggers to chainsaws. Watch the Oscar Meyers fly...

457. (Variation on last one) ... and Dominate them all into thinking that being a housewife is God's gift to women.

458. Go to a dance club with a big gun. Wait until they play "Head Like a Hole" by Nine Inch Nails. Let some of the club customers experience the song firsthand.

459. Put on bunny ears and hop around the local park telling everyone you are a bunny rabbit. Get indignant and shoot any who say otherwise.

460. Grenades make great Easter eggs, and kids will eat anything.

461. Find one of those dumbass stock ponds. At night, catch a bunch of the fish, ghoul 'em, stick some explosives into them, and let 'em back in the water. Let those idiots who think stock fishing is a sport find a big surprise the next day. (Fishing with a spear or one of those accursed fly rods... now that's sport.)

462. Take one C-5 Galaxy military transport plane. (Thanks v.a.l.) Load it to overflowing with pigs. Head for the Mid-East. Fly over some mosques and synagogues... pork's away!

463. Get on a plane with a parachute in your backpack. Bring a military duffel full of more chutes. Halfway into the flight, put yours on. When people ask, tell them the pilot is about to suffer from

52 some debilitating accident and hand out the parachutes to the highest bidders. Stuff any protesting flight attendants into the duffel. Go shoot the pilot and crew and put one through the cockpit just for good measure. Now go follow everyone who's jumping out. On the way down, practice your aerial marksmanship on the other chutists. (Yes, I know... This one's just plain mean.)

464. Go to an indoor firing range. Sneak downrange to where the targets are. Stand up and take the place of one of the targets. Get offended when they tag you and return fire. The ensuing chaos should be quite amusing.

465. Declare yourself a religious messiah and get some followers. Act real hypocritically. Shoot whoever's stupid enough to still follow you. (Actually, this one could show up on the "Good Deed For Society" list...)

466. Find some uptight Brujah. Steamroll them from the waist down. Toss the frenzying torsos into a local police precinct or television station. Watch the news the following night for laughs.

467. A bulldozer. A modern art sculpture. A passed out Toreador. (Too easy.)

468. Put some concrete shoes on a local, well-known vampire and throw him into a swimming pool. Now place a "live" electrical cord into the pool. Call the news and cops, hide, and see how he tries to get out of this one.

469. Set a very large building very much on fire. While the firefighters are busy, paint the entire interior (furniture and anyone left behind included) of the firehouse white with black spots.

53 470. Spraypaint a lot of hamsters neon purple. Release them on the grounds of a nuclear research facility. Call a news team.

471. Tar and feather a handful of Nosferatu. Sneak into a baseball stadium during a night game and force them onto the field. Chase 'em around with cattle prods until the police come out. Then Obfuscate and run.

472. Sneak into a music store at night. Steal every "GreenDay" (or insert your favorite psycho band here) album and spraypaint on the floor: "Evidence impounded for violation of Clan Secrecy Act # 204F."

473. Get a whole lot of rats. Spraypaint them all yellow. Put them in a truck and release them next to the wave pool at a water park. Start announcing on the PA the proper methods of repelling a lemming invasion. (Thanks, v.a.l.)

474. Get Bigfoot (the truck). Go muddin'. Substitute the crowd at a skinhead rally for mud.

475. Just for kicks, find some Dungeons and Dragons players and fleshcraft them into exact likenesses of their characters. (Dwarves are the most fun...)

476. Sneak into a Volkswagen dealership. Hang a picture of the founder in a prominent place. See how long it takes for the dealership to close. (Volkswagen was founded as a government owned company in Nazi Germany under orders from Adolf Hitler.)

477. With a little creative automechanics, that stuffy Ventrue finds out how much fun chicken can really be.

478. Play Russian Roulette with a shotgun.

479. Find a newborn baby of some really religious couple and

54 spraypaint '666' on its forehead.

480. Knock out the mayor and take him to the morgue. After half an hour of scandalous photos, call up a local paper.

481. Walk around a slum counting money. When you get mugged, stick your finger in the gun's barrel. If your finger gets blown off, regrow it before the mugger's eyes. Then kill him.

482. Dress up as Jesus and tell a fanatic cult that they are doing it all wrong.

483. Recreate the JFK assassination to test the Single Bullet Theory.

484. Play strip poker with the biggest prude among the Toreador, Tremere, or Ventrue. Then Dominate them into thinking they lose.

485. Have a ghoul sneak into the Prince's haven during the day and move the Prince to a different (but safe) location. Call him the next night saying you've kidnapped his house and are demanding a ransom.

486. Go to an airport and off an air traffic controller. Then play with his lights.

487. Go to Blockbuster Video and switch the labels on the "Debbie Does X" movie series with the Barney tapes.

488. Force the greyfaces to bungee jump off of a bridge. Oops, the cords are a little too long. Oh well.

489. Hang your childe by his feet over a subway tunnel. Make sure the trains don't hit him, but come real close.

490. Same as above, but with someone else's childe. And who cares if the trains hit?

491. Find a tight ass and jam the jaws of life up there to help

55 him loosen up.

492. Capture deprogrammers and program them.

493. Rob a bank asking for large, marked bills.

494. Stalk a stalker.

495. Break into a local school, and put the janitor into the food. Make sure to clean up before you leave, and correct the menu for the next day.

496. Act normal for a night. Freak out the straights.

497. Break into a poor family's apartment, and leave money and valuables behind.

498. (See above) Next night, call the cops with descriptions of your stolen possessions.

499. Get a nude photo of Mother Theresa.

500. .thgin eritne na rof sdrakcab kaepS

501. Go to a Bible reading with Anton LaVey's version. They never said WHICH Bible, did they?

502. Crazyglue a victim's mouth and nostrils shut. Sit back and watch Letterman while checking on his progress.

503. Hide under a kid's bed or in his closet. When the kid complains about a monster and the parents check, scream loudly and make the most horrifying face you can before running away loudly.

504. Feed a pit bull your blood, then brush its teeth and let it loose on the neighborhood.

505. Dominate the Prince into thinking that he's the leader of the local Anarchs, and Dominate the local Anarch leader into thinking he's the Prince.

56 506. Go to Disneyland. Then murder the Beast while screaming something about werewolves.

507. Kill the Sabbat recruiters. Then dig up their initiates. Knock them out again and rebury them. Face down.

508. Go to a supermarket and maim an aisle clerk. Then go to the front and announce, "Clean up on aisle five.".

509. Kidnap a rival and make him re-enact "Dances With Wolves".

510. Force David Duke to strip and run naked through Harlem. Play loud polka music to wake everyone up.

511. Take a midget to the top of the hill. Tie his limbs each to four large trucks aimed to the points of the compass. Now put the trucks in neutral.

512. Go to a porn movie and loudly discuss the symbolism inherent in each scene.

513. Set up a "chess" serial killing, where each victim represents a piece and each murder a square. Tell the police about it ahead of time. Then play checkers.

514. Dominate Farrakhan into thinking he's Bill Cosby.

515. Go to a rock concert and take it over. Play "Ice, Ice, Baby...".

516. Attend the wake of someone with a large, respectable family. Obfuscate to look like a relative (who is, of course, bound and gagged in his own closet with a five year old boy), and when it is your turn to pay your respects, stare solemnly at the corpse and burst out laughing.

517. Replace the floss of someone you don't like with bits of a Brillo pad.

57 518. Climb to the top of a skyscraper to the Ventrue boardroom and leave a Garfield window-clinger on the window.

519. Break into a Tremere's sanctuary while he's away. Then turn the entire room upside-down with superglue and a screwdriver.

520. Put a time bomb in a public place and let the police know about it. Tell them that if the place is evacuated, you'll detonate it. Tell them the exact location of the bomb. Then have it go off when the timer reaches half an hour.

521. Tattoo people in their sleep.

522. Replace Rorschach cards with porn pictures. Then Dominate the psychiatrist into thinking they're perfectly normal.

523. Graffiti the White House. The more outrageous the slogans, the better.

524. On Valentine's Day, dress up like Cupid. Use real arrows and enforce your choice of love interests through liberal use of superglue.

525. Cement snowmen in front of town hall.

526. One KKK member. A fifty gallon drum of honey. A couple of beehives. The forty yard dash.

527. Think rodeo. Think doggie-tying. Now think big, annoying, purple dinosaurs.

528. Go to a militant feminist rally. Superglue frilly lace bras to their foreheads and herd/chase a bunch of them to a Victoria's Secret store.

529. Get one rolled up magazine. Walk down a crowded New York street and randomly whack people on the nose, saying "Bad dog!"

530. Play "pin the tail on the donkey" with a real donkey. And a

58 staple gun.

531. Paint big yellow smiley faces on each manhole in a big city.

532. Go to a crowded pool hall. Play marbles with the pool balls and use the sticks to fence for the last marble.

533. Go to a news convention. Spraypaint a pentegram in the middle of the floor. Start chanting incoherently and then turn into a "demon" (Obfuscate or Vissectitude will work well). See how many journalists actually stick around to hear the retelling of your troubled childhood in Hades.

534. Know anyone who says, "Wild horses couldn't drag me away!"? Prove them wrong.

535. Get a bag full of multicolor neon spraypaint and find the Lippizano Stallions.

536. (Prank story...) New Orleans has been invaded and taken over by a marauding horde of hostile vampires. Almost all of the local vamps are dead. One survivor is a little Malkavian who has Obfuscated to escape nine Brujah giving chase. So she follows them back to their hideout by hanging onto their truck. Forgoing lighting a blowtorch over their windshield, she follows them inside once they stop in front of an abandoned building. Down through the basement and into the sewers they go, leading to the victorious army celebrating their victory, which they had been planning for one hundred years. As they were gallivanting about, the little Malkie noticed that they were partying amid their stockpile of ammo and explosives that they used to take over the city. So she did what any normally crazed Malkavian-- armed only with a

59 Bic lighter, an aerosol can, and a yo yo-- would do. She found a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it towards the pile 'o boom. Then, by the grace of Caine (and a liberal expenditure of blood), she gets out of the building just before it blows sky high, sending every last one of the invaders to their Final Death. The resulting fireball was enough to send every remaining vampire for miles into Rotcshreck, and the earth shifted with the force of a minor earthquake. Not only did she make it out, she made it out without a scratch. And to put the icing on the cake of her being the last vamp in New Orleans... the building that got blown up was the Toreador Primogen's haven and nightclub.

537. Telephone surveys and sales. Endless opportunities for an endless number of products! (And would you like a DNA sample with that bloody glove, sir?)

538. Go to the Middle East. Draw a line in the sand. Declare yourself a sovereign nation. When the real owner of the sand comes to object, declare yourself an oppressed democracy and call on the good 'ole U S of A to depend your poor little country. Needless to say, you should be receiving some rather impressive merchandise immediately. You won't be putting that on the mantle!

539. (If you did the last one real well, you could get a nuke...) Disassemble the merchandise and smuggle it back to the States. Stopping by the duty-free shop in Heathrow is a good idea. I recommend several bottles of twenty one year old Springbrook... a wonderful, complex Cambeltown Malt! When you get home, reassemble said merchandise on your front lawn. Now, mix up some nice iced tea with all the sugar your little heart desires. Park yourself in the front

60 lawn, aim that sucker at town hall, and declare: "Just try and raise my property taxes!".

540. Take one large, airtight jar. Modify a vacuum to create a strong vacuum pump that empties into said jar. Obfuscate and follow a Gangrel that can turn to mist. When they do so, vacuum the little tree hugger into the jar. Seal it quickly! With the proper decoration (such as 'Smell of the Hunt Bathoil'), makes a wonderful party gift for anyone deserving a surprise. (U.S. snail mail takes so long to deliver a package... they tend to be extremely hungry when they are released.)

541. Attend a lecture. Sit in the front row, central seat. Rest your chin on your hands and stare at the lecturer's ear. Smile. Continue to do so throughout lecture. Partway through, pull out a large knife and start flipping it into the air and catching it. Keep staring and smiling. Fumble. Keep staring and smiling. Repeat as necessary.

542. Go to Wales (Britain). Find out all the Londoners who own weekend homes and holiday cottages in Wales, and burn their London homes flat in one night. Should do wonders for the local economy.

543. Help build the M25 Canal (M25: Car Park encircling London). Use C-4. To help promote the image of an official council worker, do it during rush-hour.

544. Get some friends and lots of explosives. Dress up like office workers and demolition engineers. One is now from the Ministry of Transport, one from a major car company, one from a petrol company, one from the Ministry of the Environment, etc. Argue about the merits of various forms of transport. Punctuate counterpoints by blowing up rails,

61 roads, etc.

545. Use the Norwegian whaling fleet to ram and sink the Japanese whaling fleet.

546. Float a high-explosive whale with a remote detonator. Let the fleets haul it on board...

547. Tell the world that there are too many babies being born. Demand a limit of two per couple. Enforce your ruling with a chainsaw.

548. Say fraud is now a capital offense. Begin executing Councilors, Senators, lawyers, etc.

549. Find something really threatening and demand the return of all gerbils and fish to their natural habitats.

550. Fleshcraft a bunch of weightlifters into looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Dominate them into hunting down everyone with the last name of Conner. Make a few more and have them protect the Conners. ______

-Peg Leg Pete, will there be more? Maybe. Now go home.

[John Mayall]

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62 Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate enough to have opened the sixth part of the (apparently inaccurately named) Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy. And without too much further ado, I bring you the credits... (Oooh, look, lotsa new contributors!)

The Baron Donald G. Bixler (Oops da Ogre) Kris Blade Michael Bloch Geoffrey Brent (William Gordon) Deird'Re M. Brooks Victor Brueggemann (Victor) Veronica Bulger Butch (Bostch) Bowyn Carmichael Stella E. Chambrick Richard George Chilton Jonathon Conway Jason D. Corley Lea Crowe Andrew Cruse Joshua E. Culbertson (desnoirs) Ren Cummins (Dark Heart) Raven Darksaint (Raven) Rhiannon Davies Doug DeJulio Gregory Ehrendreich Rosanne Fisher Jerome Fouletier Timothy Frost (Abbot) Andrew Getting Francis Gilbert (Morgan Heart) Benjamin Avery Goldstein Gustev Paul Haggard (John Dowskin) Claire Hipkin Bart Janssens (Floyd) Josh D. K. Barbara Jean Kuehl (Baby Jinx) ML2010 Marc17 (Infodrome) Marok Dr. Manhatten (Cerebrus) Matt Johnny Mayall (Peg Leg Pete)

63 D. McKeeman (Weasel Boy) Morris (The Livewire) Charleen Mullenweg (Lady Tatyana Oberonovich) Andrew C. Murdoch J. Nelson C. Newman (Sableagle) S. J. Nolte Georgina Okerson (Synthea) Oorang (Vinnie the Goon) Ken Pat Gaston Phillips Bill C. Riemers Erik Robbins Jennifer Santarelli (mistress josephe) Troy Schiemann (The Green Man) Carlo Settineri (Mike Youngblood) Laura Smit (loa lightquencher) Ashley Taft (Ashley) Duke Toma (Guy du Bas-Tyra) Peter Tyson (Dr. Dynamo) Oscar van Vliet Sean Williamson (Othello) Eric M. Willey (v.a.l. aka Mercy) Mandy West (Youphoria) Chelsea Wood Joe Zubkavich (Abraham Walker)

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The Prankthology

------

Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...

Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in fun, twisted as it may be. ______

550. Fleshcraft a bunch of weightlifters into looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Dominate them into hunting down everyone

64 with the last name of Conner. Make a few more and have them protect the Conners.

551. Hijack a Saturn V Rocket. Fire it at Baghdad.

552. Find one Tremere weaker in the blood than you. Let him know that you are just one generation better than him. Let on that you don't take any security precautions because "nobody's gonna diablerize a kook, are they?". Conspiratally let him know where you live and that you leave your key under the doormat due to your absentmindedness. Oh, and ask him if he has any remedies to counter being extremely lethargic and weak when you wake... Once he's got the idea, make yourself really annoying, just to make sure he wants to diablerize you. Pretend he's your best friend and never leave his side. Play pranks and ask him if he wants to play magic cards. Every ten minutes. Once you've got him sufficiently riled up (your Auspex should help you know when), start yawning and tell him you have to go home to sleep now. Now, get one of those soda-stream machines, various bits of piping, knives, scalpels and so on (this will take a bit of work, or you could just stick a CO2 cylinder in your mouth and open the valve). Carbonate your blood until you can't stand it anymore, and then jump up and down for a half hour. When you here the Tremere at the door, lie down and pretend to be fast asleep. The moment he bites into you... WHOOOOOSH! Fizzy blood all over the room and one confused as hell witch.

553. For fun at those anxious trials, ram a thumbtack into a can of shaving cream and toss it near the lawyers. Offering to shave them yourself is purely optional. Or use a tack and a can of

65 peppermace to spice up those boring Primogen meetings. (p.s. Burma Shave...)

554. Go to the bathroom at a fancy hotel. Eat the urinal deodorants. Come out munching on one and ask the hotel manager if he has any cherry flavored ones.

555. Grab a random mortal and drag them to Lover's Leap. Tell her that you'll jump if she doesn't profess her love for you. Jump before she has the chance to say anything. Claw your way back to the summit and exclaim, "I knew you loved me!". Kiss her passionately and run away.

556. Fun things to do with a launcher capable of firing birds at speeds of 150 mph: a) Stuff a seagull into one and find Dave Winfield. See if he likes how it feels. b) Launch a barrage at a vegetarian's house after dipping them in blood. c) New twist on "Trick or Treat". d) Re-enact the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote (all hail Coyote) sequences on Main Street. e) Launch a fowl from hen house into the farmer's living room with a threat attached. f) New way for terrorists to get past those pesky metal detectors at airports. g) Stress test a cat. h) Go to a shooting range and tell everyone it's the latest in silenced weapons. i) Whack a bystander with one just to see the "Fowl Play" headlines the next day. j) Raining cats and dogs? Wouldn't chickens be more interesting at hypervelocities? k) Launch headless chickens at the houses of voodoo practitioners. l) Two words... live television. m) Douse a chicken in lighter fluid, light it, and launch it onto the stage at a rock concert. n) Kentucky Fried Chicken to gooooooooooooooo! o) Long range enemas.

66 p) A new act for Gonzo. q) New meaning to giving someone the bird. r) A bird in hand is worth two over Busch Gardens? s) Rambo's answer to "Duck, duck, goose". t) Duck Season. Opening Day. Wait on the other side of a duck blind, wait for the fake duck calls, and FIRE! u) Go to an airport. Confuse the hell out of air traffic controllers. v) Drive-by duckings... w) Use the launchers to launch free-range chickens at the protesters around the free-range chicken farms. See how long protesters stay dedicated to saving the ammunition that's sending them to the hospital. x) Anyone seen Pink Floyd? Use the launchers, loaded with chickens, to knock out the pigs Pink Floyd uses in their show. See how many newspapers report "A New Twist on an Old Pink Floyd Theme", which could be subtitled "How many reporters were stoned at the show last night"... y) Take sparrow shots at bird watchers. They'll never look at birds the same way again. z) Go bird hunting. With wirds. aa) Go pheasant hunter hunting with pheasants. bb) Heavy artillery. Ostrich mortars. cc) Shoot one of those people in the "I feel like chicken tonight" commercials with a large hen and see how long they keep their appetite for it.

557. Locate a local vampire hunter. Sneak into his bedroom at night and spread bear traps all over his floor. Now go and howl horrendously in his ear. Obfuscate and watch the little Mexican dancing bean go.

558. (This one requires the ability to go to Arcadia...) Find one Tremere in charge of a chantry. Inform the fellow that you have decided to help the Tremere to further their knowledge by switching out all of their books of rituals with comic books. While the little witch goes off with an ulcer to recheck his security precautions, switch out the books via the Arcadia Express. It's fun to see a grown Tremere cry.

559. One night, sneak onto the Prince's grounds with some gasoline.

67 Using said petrochemical substance, write "Prince ______Rapes Hamsters" in large letters in the grass. Once the grass dies and the fuming Prince hires some landscapers to replace it, Dominate them into using dandelion seeds instead of grass. (Or draw a nice little picture with the gasoline.)

560. Find one of those cement/concrete cutting machines. Use it to carve insults to the Prince in front of town hall. Now find some of his ghouls (or herd) and leave your initials using their limbs.

561. Grow your hair long, put on a loincloth, and procure a mule's jawbone. No go to a synagogue and accuse them of slander. Give 'em the real story. Use the jawbone and unsuspecting Jews for illustration.

562. Get a _lot_ of alcohol and grab some mortals. No go to a dog kennel and get violently plastered with them, making sure to save a little for the next day. When you next wake with your new buddies, 'convince' them to get a bit 'of the hair of the dog that bit them'.

563. Paint a large red bullseye on a building one night. On the next night, burn that building down. Continue this, eventually targeting favored locations of Primogen members. Now start painting and burning their ghouls and herd. Finally paint a Primogen member. On the next night, while his paranoia runs rampant, hijack a firetruck. Now drive it through his haven and proceed to hose him down. Throw lit matches at him and laugh.

564. Find some kids playing marbles. Use one of your eyes. Deny it.

565. Superglue some frat boys together side by side and fleshcraft them into looking like the Mt. Rushmore Presidents.

566. Find the director/producer of 'First Knight' and beat him.

68 Severely. (Sorry, a little Public Service Announcement snuck in there...)

567. Go to a popular Kindred hangout with a few friends. Bring some toasters and a lot of Pop Tarts (frosted are the best). Now scare the piss out of everyone with Pop Tart flame-throwers. Projectile launching is purely optional. (Thanks to Dave Barry for this one.)

568. Go to McDonald's. Bring back the barter and haggling system. Two dead chickens and a few live rats ought to be at least worth a Big Mac with some fries.

569. Find someone who loves Oreos. Sneak in one night and lick all of the filling off of each cookie. Now replace the missing filling with Elmer's Glue.

570. Find a solitary vampire that fears werewolves. Sneak into his haven while he's away and paint a werewolf face on his bathroom mirror. Next night, scatter lupine teeth, claws, and hair about the house. (Fur clogging the sink and shower drain are nice additions.) Get some friends to howl around his house before he goes to sleep for the day. Keep this up for a few days. Then approach him in friendship (heh, heh) and present him with a wolfskin rug. Tell him it belonged to a werewolf you killed. On the next night, sneak into his house and scrunch yourself into the wolf rug and Obfuscate. Wait 'til he wakes up the next night and walks past the rug. Then jump up and give him a good kick in the behind while snarling and growling. (Bonus points if he passes out.) Run away snarling and slobbering in the rug (after all, you _did_ kill the werewolf, eh?). The next night, dress up in the wolfskin rug and go find the vampire. After he quits screaming and trying to run away, tell him it was all a

69 joke. Give him back the rug. If he takes it well, remember his name for the "sucker" list. If he takes it poorly, do this... Get some friends and find a solitary werewolf. Subdue it. Now drag it to the vamp's house just before he gets back. Then cut up wolfboy so that it will take a few minutes for him to regenerate, stuff him in the wolf rug, and run like hell.

571. Get some females Malks together. Get some traffic cones and dress up like Volaris (and Fleshcraft to look like Madonna).

572. Heat up some quarters with a butane torch at a junior high school. Now throw them on the ground in front of the cafeteria as the lunch bell rings. Or do the same with a pretty ring and drop it in front of a Torry with an affinity for hand jewelry.

573. Experience something very erotic and pleasurable. Now go to a party. See that dancer who thinks she's so cool? Use Chimestry to make her feel _exactly_ what you just felt. Should be quite interesting to see her flop to the floor in the middle of her climax.

574. (Chimestry users only...) Use Horrid Reality to cause a Kindred to feel as if he were at zero blood.

575. (Prank story...) The Prince had just been overthrown, and a Malkavian was put in the position of power. Then a Brujah Archon and Justicar showed up, threatened to call a Blood Hunt on any who left the premises, and interrogated all within, adding a few executions for spice. So much for the Malk Prince. Now a little Ravnos, either bored or deciding that this town was not quite healthy, planted an illusion of Sebastion (the recently deceased Malk Prince) on the Archon. Everyone got very excited (Sebastion?! You're alive!), and the Brujah frenzied. In the ensuing chaos, the Ravnos managed to slip out and was never seen again. Lucky thing, for a Blood Hunt against her

70 still stands. Of course, there is now a permanent illusion of Sebastion standing in the middle of the nightclub.

576. You know those little green Gideon Bibles? Start sneaking them into a prominent location a the Elysium. Every night. Once a few people get upset at this happening, plant a load of Gideon Bibles on some schlep vampire. Now sneak a few into his pockets and "uncover" the Gideonite in the middle of the Elysium. Suggest as punishment superglueing the Bibles to his face.

577. SaranWrap. A Princes Rolls Royce. Ought to be nice after sitting in the sun for a while. (Can anyone say shrink- wrap? I knew you could.)

578. Take someone's keys, stick them in the door lock, and break them off.

579. Right before the Prince gets in his limo for the night, link a chain from his rear axle to his house. (Or better yet a stone statue if he has one.)

580. Find some Torry that has a rose garden he dotes over. Get some seeds from a really ugly looking weed and plant them. Spraypaint the roses a sickly looking yellow and spread some lime in the garden.

581. Use Horrid Reality to make the Elysium door seem locked. But only to the Prince. Should really make that little neonate in front of him awful smug. Create a step that isn't there for those tight-ass Ventrues.

582. Obfuscate. Now create an illusion of yourself as a target. Now create an illusion of someone else to go attack the illusion of you and run away. Now come back as yourself and go confront the person who 'attacked' you.

583. Create illusions of dead Kindred and have them wander around

71 as ghosts. Freak out one of the live vampires by then having a ghostly illusion of himself tell him how he's going to die tomorrow night.

584. Spend the weekend attending all the weddings in your neighborhood. Wear white. (No, no, that doesn't mean go naked...)

585. Get into a crowded elevator. Stand with your back to the door, facing everyone else. Start conversations with everyone. In the middle of one, completely ignore the persons and start talking to someone else.

586. If the elevator isn't so crowded, smile at people and then watch the control display intensely. When the lift begins to go down, gasp in horror, push people out of the way, and tap frantically at the controls. Then scream, "They're jammed!", and force the control box open. Pretend you're James Bond trying to defuse a nuclear device. Take a vote on whether you should cut the red wire or the black wire. Say "ooops" at least once. (Bonus points for stopping on floor 007. Triple bonus points if the building only has six floors.)

587. You know that Ventrue that drives around _everywhere_ in that fancy car? Sneak in one night, put a Vanilla Ice tape in the tapedeck, turn up the volume, and use epoxy glue and rubber cement to make sure the volume stays turned up, the power on, and the tape in.

588. Find a Caitiff that thinks the Prince doesn't like him. Offer to help him out by asking him to deliver a gift to the Prince from you. Tell him that he can say it's actually from himself instead. (The gift is a shirt saying: I joined the Camarilla and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.)

72 589. Spraypaint a tricksy Mokole purple. Sneak him onto the Barney show.

590. You know those credit card offers you always get with that business reply envelope already paid for? Send them you're tongue.

591. (Only for early risers...) You know that vain little Torry who's always so damned annoying? Use Fleshcraft to give him a face only a Nosferatu mother would love.

592. Establish an alternate identity. Build it up real well, so that every detail is perfect. Then contact the Assimites and take out a contract on your real self. For bonus points, misinform them about your capabilities and kill their assassin. This would be a good time for that alternate identity to vanish. Now the Ass-mites won't ever take out another contract on you again since you've already survived one attempt. Of course, if they find out what you've done, a holiday might be a good idea. Somewhere a long, _long_ way away. The moon, perhaps.

593. Disguise yourself as a Samedi (Obfuscate may be handy here). Go to Toreador parties, and try to get in by telling the bouncer that you are a Torry. When he throws you out, wait about ten minutes. Then try again, wearing a false mustache. Repeat with wig, dark glasses, fetching mini-skirt, shaved nose hair, and so on. On no account should the disguises be convincing. When the bouncer finally gives up and lets you in (or frenzies, forcing you to kill him and getting in anyway), wander about and act just like a Toreador. Tell everyone it's performance art (which it is, in a way). If you are feeling really brave, try the same thing at a werewolf moot - but use a werewolf skin as your disguise. Make sure your medical insurance is paid up.

594. Get into merchant banking, arms dealing, drug dealing, or some such profitable enterprise. Use your supernatural powers to turn huge profits. Become Chairman of the board, cartel boss, or whatever. Then adopt a cute red-headed girl called "Annie" and wander around singing happily. Donate all of the funds you can get a hold of to charity, explaining that there's more to life than business. Save a couple thousand for a ticket to South America.

595. Sneak into a zoo at night. Find a lone gorilla, shave him completely except for a couple of hairs on his head, and paint him entirely yellow. Superglue some briefs on if you can. If you can find a baby gorilla with a spiky haircut all the better.

596. Go to an all night supermarket. Find someone who's shopping with a child in the cart. Wait until the shopper's back is turned, quickly replace the kid with a doll, and run like hell (duct taping the kid's mouth shut is highly recommended). Now take the kid to the candy section and start superglueing candy to him. Let him go once the hysterical mother comes near.

597. (This requires two pranksters...) Find a vampire that enjoys watching TV. Now have one of the two Malks sneak in a sit Obfuscated in the room that the vampire is watching television in. Now, using a cellular phone, have the other Obfuscated Malk call the vampire's phone. Once the vamp gets up to answer the phone, very quickly have the Malkavian inside switch the channel to MTV. Keep this up all night. (Best if you bring one of those universal remotes and program it on site.)

598. Nab a chef at a fancy restaurant and use Vissectitude to look just like him. Now do your damnedest to actually cook a good meal. Insert pieces of your anatomy for spice. When the

74 patrons complain, come out and refuse to speak English or any other recognizable language. Call them liars and moon them. (Especially fun at restaurants the Prince or Primogen like to hang out at.)

599. Fleshcraft yourself into JFK. Now go roll in some flour. Sneak into the bedrooms of high ranking army and CIA officials and do the Jacob Marley bit.

600. Use Chimestry to make a Gangrel's Gleam of the Red Eyes permanent. Especially in front of mortals. Or put a big red glowing bulls-eye on the back of somebody who has just torked you off. Snipers? Ooops.

601. Dominate a black metal band (or bad ass gansta rappers) into acting like the Brady Bunch on a festival. (Fleshcrafting them into actual likenesses entirely optional.) Bonus points if the crowd eats them alive.

602. Find a Gangrel that Earth Melds every day. Now go cover up the spot with a bunch of boards with bricks on top.

603. Sneak into a grocery store at night with a sack full of apples. Now very carefully peel a bunch of oranges and take out the insides, replacing them with the apples and some glue.

604. Dress up like Thor (the Thunder God). Grab a rubber mallet and a tazer. Go to a church and press your claim as top deity. Give examples of divine smiting and lightning bolts to non- believers. Declare Heineken as holy water.

605. Find a false eye shop. Slip in a few real ones.

606. High diving competition. From the top of office buildings.

607. Dress up (and Fleshcraft) to look like that little old man that is the Monopoly mascot. Now Obfuscate and sneak into a bank, replacing real money with Monopoly money. (Should be some interesting security film, eh?)

75 608. Movement of the Mind. Multiple roulette tables. One shut down casino.

609. Lure of the Flames. A basketball game. 'Hot Potato'.

610. Find out where a keg party will occur. Now follow the little frat boys that go for the kegs. Once they've bought the beer, stop them. While keeping them oblivious (through Dominate or a lead pipe to the head), replace the beer with urine (that you got form a hospital or drug rehab center, of course). Label the keg 'Bud Light' and see if anyone actually notices. (All hail Guinness! Guinness rue da wold!)

611. Dress up like coal miners. Go to the dinosaur exhibit at the museum. Hiho, hiho, it's off to work we go...

612. Get some buddies and dress up like Spock, ears and all. Go to a mall and start giving Vulcan Death Grips (tm) to shoppers. When that doesn't work, start using pepper mace, tear gas, and tazers. Smile a lot at the cameras while proclaiming how much emotions suck.

613. Find one of those 'Sunglass Hut' stalls in the mall. Sneak in at night and paint the inside of each lens with black paint. Now go to a real eyeglasses shop (Pearl, Eye Doctor, TSO, etc.) and randomly switch a lens from each sample pair.

614. TP roll the Prince's house. Do it again the next night. Use duct tape.

615. Find a Gangrel that Earth Melds each day. Have some of your ghouls dig him up during the day (but keep him covered) and relocate him. In a sewer tank would be nice. If you're feeling frisky, have them bury him in the same spot upside-down.

616. Sneak onto a golf course one night and set a few tiger traps

76 and snares in the woods. Landmines are purely optional.

617. Find one werewolf. Subdue and manacle him (with silver if need be). Now chain him to a pickup truck and start dragging him through town, ramming the television station. See how well the Delerium affects TV cameras.

618. Fleshcraft yourself to look and sound _exactly_ like some cagey vampire. Start following him around everywhere. Mimic his every action and word. When he starts acting crazy with rage in front of others, act calmly. Now approach the Prince and demand that the stupid Malkavian impersonating you be punished.

619. Steal one of those 'Human Cannonball' circus cannons. While the Primogen and Prince are meeting somewhere, start launching tied- up vampires through the ceiling with petitions for more tartar sauce stapled to their foreheads. Also useful for helping it rain cats and dogs.

620. Fleshcraft. RuPual. See how he _really_ likes being a woman.

621. Hook up a live electrical lead (with switch) to a basketball rim before a big game. First mega-dunk ought to be fairly spectacular.

622. Using Dementate, give a stereotypical Brujah an irrational fear of violence. Now go bully him in front of his Clan Elder.

623. Get a bunch of Malkavian buddies. Find a Toreador art party (preferably one that has a lot of mortals in attendance). Arm yourselves with dead cats (freshly dipped in neon purple paint) and 'decorate' the Torries. (In honor of Ashley, winner of this year's Asphalt Impersonation Award.)

624. Get a bunch of old chewed up nuts and bolts. Now go to an amusement park and drop them off during a ride. Beaning

77 considered bad form.

625. Use Fleshcraft to give Ahnold (or Newt Gingrich) a nice sexy soprano voice.

626. Use Chimestry to pull wonderful things out of your pockets (ala The Mask or any cartoon) during a conclave meeting. Use it to simulate some aspects of Thaumaturgy. Blame the Tremere. Have a Brujah hit you _very_ hard and use that for some Horrid Reality jokes. Especially on unsuspecting Toreadors in the middle of a song. Create illusions of someone else's voice to say incriminating things. Walk up behind someone and create an illusion (feel only) of a gun sticking in their back. Tell them to stick their hands up and watch the funny looks they get from observers. Wave around nude photos of the Primogen. Hand out one dollar bills that look like fifties. Steal someone's TV and replace it with a permanent illusion. Then do the same with their recliner.

627. Create UFOs (with Chimestry) and have them land with messages for the Malkavians. Create Archangels and have _them_ land with messages for the Malkavians.

628. Shake the Prince's hand, and when you let go, let him see the illusion of his watch on your wrist. And put one on his, too. See if he gets confused. Try and sell it back to him if you're feeling ballsy.

629. Find one relatively weak Nosferatu. Now go nab him and wrap his entire body in duct tape, leaving only his face exposed. Go hoist him from the flagpole at town hall and call the cops.

630. Use Dominate and Dementate to form a new clan of creatures. Tell them they are were-lemmings and that they reproduce by biting hands. Give them a derangement that forces them to leap into any body of water they can find on a full moon.

78 631. Invade a high school. Find the most annoying freshman and duct tape him to a light pole about ten feet off of the ground. Tell the faculty in the form of a rumor. Usually takes them a while to check into it...

632. Get together your favorite group of "werelemmings" at a science fiction/fantasy convention. Storm the Klingon contingent with teeth set to stun.

633. (For Samedi...) Create some zombies and summon some ghosts. Now take your entourage to a large funeral home. Find the proprietor and complain. Warn patrons about the sloppy service, using yourself as example. Have the zombies raise a hand in agreement and the ghosts appear (and embody...), saying "Yeah! You tell 'em!".

634. Fleshcraft yourself into Judge Ito. Go into the courtroom with the largest rubber mallet you can find. Pull it out after the lawyers start arguing and beat the living bejesus out of them all. Ask if anyone else wishes to present any arguments.

635. Sneak into a Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses and glue copies of the Book of Mormon to the pews. Next Saturday, glue copies of the Watchtower to the pews in a nearby Mormon church. Repeat the process, this time with Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons, instead of their books.

636. Fleshcraft a bunch of ghouls into Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and their wives. Go to Salt Lake City and take over the television station. Have ole "Joe" claim it was just a joke and that he is now a Branch Davidian.

637. Dominate Marie Osmond into thinking she is Tracy Lords. Lights, camera, action!

79 638. Reunite the Osmonds. With superglue. Give to a Toreador.

639. Dress up as BATF agents and raid a Catholic church. Seize the wine and say that the federal taxes haven't been paid on it. Finish by burning the church to the ground.

640. (For the suicidal Malk...) Sneak into the Vatican. Embrace the Pope. Run.

641. Hijack a plane. Toss out the crew. Let the passengers take turns landing the plane. Shoot those who fail. Now land the plane and sneak back into the airport. Find the luggage area. Now find some large luggage headed for some exotic location and put yourselves in it. Should be some interesting expression when that honeymoon couple in Acapulco finds out that their swimsuits don't quite fit anymore...

642. Spread a rumor of an impending lupine invasion. Make sure the Prince and the Primogen here about it. Then organize a jail break of every pet store and dog pound in town. Bonus points if you can herd them all to the Prince's house.

643. Get up early one night. Do some special decorating of the communal haven and have a tape deck play some interesting sounds. Should be quite interesting when the group wakes up to hear and "see" flames all around them. If some Brujah were to get upset, and let's say... machine gun the tape player, buy a new tape player and have the next night's awaking music be the sounds of automatic gunfire. See if the others learn.

644. Dominate some local teenagers into going cow tipping. At a goat farm.

645. Dominate the night watchman at some store into reciting "I'm a little tea pot..." until someone finds him in the morning.

646. Find some collector who has a restored WWII Japanese Zero. Now go paint a big red and white target on the Princes garage

80 and Dominate the Zero pilot into crashing into it.

647. Find one of the Prince's favorite childe. Nab 'im. Now go cross-country, taking pictures of the staked vampire in famous places (Brooklyn Bridge, Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Statue of Liberty, Seattle Needle, Mount Rushmore, etc.). Send the body and the pictures back via UPS.

648. Ambush a Justicar's pilot. Dominate him into forgetting how to fly in the middle of the flight.

649. (For a Malk with extremely high Celerity...) Wait until someone turns their back on you. Repaint the front of their house (in your favorite colors, of course) as quickly as possible. This really traumatizes Toreadors, so be prepared to run as fast as you paint.

650. Get a yo-yo with a really long string. Dip the round part in alcohol or lighter fluid and get on the roof of some vampire's house above his door. when he come out, light the yo-yo and show him your stuff.

651. (Only got very good Fleshcrafters...) Imperonsate the local Chantry Head of the Tremere. Go order all of the Archons present to castrate themselves. Help.

652. Practice obscene faxing from the Prince's machine.

653. Using Fleshcraft and Bonecraft, take out a the eye of some mortal's head and forcibly stick it onto a Tremere's forehead. Now Dominate him into forgetting the incident and send his off to the Chantry...

654. Dominate the local news anchor into quoting from the Book of Nod during a live broadcast.

655. Convince your friendly neighborhood Brujah combat monster that

81 he's the Tick. Make a Tremere with Movement of the Mind think he's Arthur. Give them costumes and a mission.

656. (For the discriminating Gangrel...) Find some schlep who's been hassling or irritating you. Offer to share your haven with him as a gesture of friendship. A few minutes before sunrise, take him to a clearing in the middle of a park. Earth Meld. If you see him again (ie: he survives), ask him how he liked your haven.

657. Manage to get a hold of a little blood from a Primogen member the Prince (and you) don't like. Using this blood, go create a new vampire with it. Go to the Prince claiming you saw the Primogen member create an unauthorized childe with directions as to where the patsy can be found.

658. Trick the IRS into auditing the Price's accounts for the past five years. But first Dominate his accountant and give him some interesting ideas...

659. Have a bunch of jewelry made with minute explosives in them (remotely detonated). Have them all given to a Toreador from a known admirer. (Include necklaces, earrings, watches, rings, bracelets, hair pins, anklets, etc.) Wait until the Torry is in the middle of some public art dedication or some such and flip the switch. Should be one nicely barbecued little Toreador.

660. Make an invisible rabbit friend called Harvey. Periodically, Dominate some of your more week willed friends into having memories of Harvey coming to the rescue. After a while, you should have a nice little group of people who believe in Harvey the Wonder Rabbit. They just think he's good at Obfuscating, too... ______

82 _____

-Peg Leg Pete, going home to take a nap...

Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate enough to have opened the seventh part of the (apparently inaccurately named) Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. Well, maybe not the grand pappy itself, but at the least one of its idiot cousins. So sit back, grab some lim e green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy. And without too much further ado, I bring you the complete list of credits (ooh, look, new people!)...

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The Baron, Donald G. Bixler (Oops da Ogre), Kris Blade, Michael Bloch, Geoffrey Brent (William Gordon), Deird'Re M. Brooks, Victor Brueggemann (Victor), Veronica Bulger, Butch (Bostch), Bowyn Carmichael, Stella E. Chambrick, Richard George Clinton, CoChee se, Jonathon Conway, Jason D. Corley, Lea Crowe, Andrew Cruse, Joshua E. Culbertson (desnoirs), Ren Cummins (Dark Heart), Cynthia Higgins (Lurker at the Threshold), Raven Darksaint (Raven), Rhiannon Davies, Doug DeJulio, Gregory Ehrendreich, Ian S. Fay ( Schreck), The Fiend, Rosanne Fisher, Jerome Fouletier, Timothy

83 Frost (Abbot), William R. Geiger (Scarecrow), Andrew Getting, Jeff Giammo, Francis Gilbert (Morgan Heart), Benjamin Avery Goldstein, Christopher L. Grant, Blake Guard, Gustev, Paul Haggard (Jo hn Dowskin), Nathan Helfinstine, Paul Hemmingway, Claire Hipkin, Daniel Arnold Hopping, Phil Hyde, Bart Janssens (Floyd), Nicole Johnson, Josh D. K., Krasnow (marlin downsteepy and malcom malkav), Barbara Jean Kuehl (Baby Jinx), Bob Linn, Dr. Shadow K. Lu , Christopher Lyons, ML2010 (Muller Lives 2010), Marc17 (Infodrome), Marok, Dr. Manhatten (Cerebrus), Matt, Johnny Mayall (Peg Leg Pete), D. McKeeman (Weasel Boy), Ron Meisenheimer, Morris (The Livewire), Charleen Mullenweg (Lady Tatyana Oberonovich), And rew C. Murdoch, J. Nelson, C. Newman (Sableagle), S. J. Nolte, Georgina Okerson (Synthea), Oorang (Vinnie the Goon), Pandora, Ken Pat, Gaston Phillips, Virgil Porter, Reshaka, Bill C. Riemers, Erik Robbins, Jennifer Santarelli (mistress josephe), Troy Sch iemann (The Green Man), Carlo Settineri (Mike Youngblood), Laura Smit (loa lightquencher), Ashley Taft (Ashley), Duke Toma (Guy du Bas-Tyra), Timothy Toner, Trombone69, Peter Tyson (Dr. Dynamo), Oscar van Vliet, Bruce Wasson, Sean Williamson (Othello), Er ic M. Willey (v.a.l. aka Mercy), Mandy West (Youphoria), Chelsea Wood (Juno), Yanick Champoux (Le Nabot number 6), Joe Zubkavich (Abraham Walker)

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The Prankthology, Part Seven of Five

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Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...

84 Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in fun, twisted as it may be.

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661. (Okay, so I lied. There is a number '301'.) Get a few friends and dress up _real_ nice. Now find a fancy restaurant that the Prince or a Primogen member frequents regularly (must be the atmosphere, eh?). Try and get a table as close to him as possible. If you can, try to get his attention just as your meal is being served. (Bonus points for a look of fear or a gasp.) Commence chowing down and projectile vomiting. See if you can get your money back. As you leave, compliment the chef and tell the vampire dignitary that you'll see him again tomorrow night.

662. Dress up like Judge Dredd, machine gun and all. Go to a state penitentiary. Ease prison crowding. Bonus points for best rendition of "I am the law!" as the cops drag you off.

663. Bring back public slave auctions. Shoe polish yourself if you're too pale and get a whip. Now get some buddies with shackles and raid the nearest Ku Klux Klan meeting.

664. Go to a chicken farm with a chainsaw. Find out what 'run around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off' really means.

665. Dress up in a gorilla suit. Find one of those street entertainers with the music box and one of those silly ass spider monkeys. Punish the slave driver and free your brethren. Then offer to replace the monkey for cheap rates.

85 666. (Only for early risers...) A sleeping Gargoyle. Graffiti.

667. Start up a jackhammer near a Gargoyle to see if he'll frenzy. (If he doesn't, you might as well. I mean, you _did_ pay for a brand new jackhammer, didn't you?)

668. If another vampire insults you, procure a glove to smack him with. (Works best with Torries and Ventrues.) Rear back, but don't hit him. Look thoughtfully at the glove and drop it. Then take out a knife, cut off your own hand, and smack him with that.

669. Have fun with airport security. Cut a hole in your side, stuff some ball bearings in, and close the cut. Stuff your pockets full of keys ( preferably others') and make a big production of taking them out one at a time at the metal detector. Five minutes and several frustrated security officers and line-waiters later, tell them that it must be your old war wound. Then reach in and pull out the ball bearings, putting them in the little tray with your keys and walk through. Pulling out intestines is considered bad form. Another variation of this is to ram a knife in your chest and walk through. When the pass the stick over you, look surprised when they find the knife. "I've been _looking_ for that..."

670. Use Fleshcraft and props to look like George Washington. Visit a cherry orchard with a chainsaw. Then take the chainsaw to a U.S. mint and complain about being stuck on a measly one dollar bill.

671. (Here's a bit of a prank for any Malkavian who becomes a Prince or attains a lot of power...) Find some vampires who have irritated you ( shouldn't be too difficult) and whom generally have a lot of enemies. Invite them over one night one at a time. Once they come in, have them

86 subdued and buried upside-down in your back yard with only their ankles and feet sticking out of the ground. Once you've planted them all, host a party to the general vampiric population. To open the festivities, gather everyone out back. Then start up your riding lawn mower. Label each pair of feet with the correct name and commence the bidding...

672. (Here's another one for a Malk Prince...) Procure one of those cranes with those humongous magnets from a wrecking yard. Install the magnet in the roof of your grand hall, disguised as art. (It'd be worth it to hire a Torry for the job just for the look of suspicion on his face.) Now hold a general assembly of the city's population. Declare that weapons will no longer be permitted in your presence. When people start laughing and looking askance, flip the switch. You ought to have a nice collection of weapons and a few Brujah decorating your ceiling soon thereafter. If you're really feeling frisky, flip the switch on and off, letting the Brujah bust ass until they frenzy.

673. Find a city (any affiliation), and locate any person in power that is really a puppet. Nab 'em and stake 'em, and then dress them up according to their nature-- face paint, harlequin outfit, ropes tied to limbs, etc. Now go hang the unfortunate in the local Elysium or Temple for the locals to enjoy.

674. Go to a local vampire bar and locate one neonate vampire. Calmly walk up to him and mark a large 'X' over his heart with spraypaint. Now whip out a #2 pencil and start chasing him with it.

675. One lovely evening while the stars are shining brightly and a cool wind soothes the skin, go visit the Prince's pad. Since he was so

87 rude as to be absent, quickly dig a small trench in his front yard, fill it with a cement base, and decorate it w ith a brand new toilet. Choosing whether or not to use the toilet first to make sure it is working properly is up to the initiate.

676. Go to a local newsstand and buy every periodical you can. Now rip out all of the order forms and drop cards. Know any anti- social, paranoid vampires that think the location of their haven is a secret?

677. (Vissectitude or Mask of a Thousand Faces needed for this one.) Get on an airplane. Now, once one of the flight attendants goes off for a break, head for the bathroom on one end of the plane. Come out naked, looking exactly like the person on b reak, and streak all down the plane to the bathroom on the other end. Repeat as necessary.

678. A time bomb. With a snooze button.

679. Dress up like a priest or an obvious 'Holy Joe' vampire hunter. Now go find an annoying lick and confront him. Toss a water balloon on him, claiming that the vengeance of God has come. When the soaked vampire leers at you unharmed, light a flar e and see how long it takes him to smell the gasoline he's covered in. (Try the same with werewolves, but use Nair or silver filings instead of gasoline. You may need to be able to run a little faster on this version.)

680. For a pack of loony vamps... carry around a big boombox with the song "Tequila" cued up. Whenever you all encounter a vampire of higher generation, start up the box and start dancing and capering around the lick. At the right moment, substitute the catchphrase with "Diablerie!" and all jump on the vampire, each taking one blood point. Then run like hell.

88 681. Find some stuffy vampire who owns a nice mansion or estate with a cozy little pond on it. Now sneak a bunch of florescent dye in it one night, preferably of the neon persuasion. Also, catch some of the fish and fleshcraft them into little mutant s On the next night, show up with a bunch of buddies dressed up as EPA agents...

682. For those Kindred of minority origins... go to a KKK or some other hate- group meeting. Use Majesty. A lot. Start insulting them and see how many weak-willed members you can get to agree with you. (Children of incest do not count towards your total.)

683. Obfuscate and go to a downtown police precinct. Now using Presence (and some Willpower), summon every vampire in the city.

684. Using Telepathy, go to a shrink and answer his questions right before he asks them. Have fun with those Roschreck (sp) cards.

685. Using Obfuscate and Form of Mist, go to a poker game. When someone cuts loose with the flatulence, let your presence be seen. (Especially good for those skanky Nosferatu out there.)

686. Plant some crack on a vampire. Tip off the cops. Obfuscate and follow back for questioning. Now use Thaumaturgy to make the vampire spend blood on Celerity and dexterity so he's all keyed-up and hyper.

687. Possess politicians and have fun making speeches. Tell your constituents how you _really_ feel.

688. Use Animalism in a pet shop to convince all of the animals to make as much noise as possible every hour on the hour and then suddenly quit.

689. Use Vissectitude to make a crossbreed between an Irish Wolfhound and a Chihuahua.

690. Take a local phone book and kill ten persons per night.

89 Alphabetically. With a telephone. Superglueing another phone book to their corpse is helpful.

691. Your city's map is a grid, and each block is a square. Find a fellow Malkavian, a ton of TNT, and play 'Battleship'.

692. Go to a church filled with fanatics. When no-one is looking, block all of the exits. In the middle of the service, interrupt the preacher and ask him if God will protect His flock. Stress test the affirmation.

693. Find a really vain Ventrue with a magnificent head of hair. Each day, Dominate his ghouls into trimming the hairs in unique patterns (mohawks, tic-tac-toe boards, etc.) and giving you the cut hair. Keep this up until you have enough hairs to mak e a nice winter coat. Now give it as a peace offering to that Toreador you've been harassing. When he wears it to the next big function, tip off the Ventrue.

694. One day, have all the city's vampires you can get to put in one big crypt. More fun if they all sleep in coffins so you can make a pyramid.

695. Find a traditional vampire who sleeps in a coffin and rises form it like Dracula (in Coppola's version). While he's sleeping, put invisible razor wire across the opening. French fries, anyone?

696. Push a vampire into the rolling presses of Time magazine. Demand the Prince put a blood hunt on him for violating the Masquerade by being on the front cover of Time.

697. Got lotsa, lotsa money? Good. Now have the coffin of a sleeping vampire launched into orbit. Costly and difficult, but worth it for the expression on his face when he wakes up.

90 698. Wait until a vampire goes to sleep. Now switch his coffin. The next night, switch the room his coffin is in. The following night, redecorate both his coffin and the room he's in. Next, change his clothes. Then, his city. If he doesn't get the idea by now, change his brain next.

699. At a big reunion, keep giggling in your corner, pointing at various people. Be assured, at least one will not sleep well that night.

700. Transplant a coffin with an uptight vampire inside into a funeral home lobby. Take bets on who will scream loudest-- the vampire when he gets up, or the crowd of relatives at the wake...

701. Get an arm as physically different form yours as possible. Cut off your own arm (not necessarily of the same side), and run screaming and bleeding into a hospital emergency room, holding the new arm in your free hand. When the subject of your od d arm crops up, look confused, tell them you'll go get your real arm and be right back, and leave.

702. Go find a young snob and embrace him, giving him up for 'adoption' to a Ventrue. About two hundred years later, once he's nice and secure in a position of power, break the good news to him as to who his sire _really_ is...

703. Use Mask of a Thousand Faces to look like the Prince. Now go to "your" estate and proceed to destroy all of your furniture, making sure your ghouls help. Stick around later that night for when the Prince comes home...

704. Go dress up like an annoying mime. Now pick up an imaginary crowbar. Swing it at someone while using Chimestry to make them feel your

91 artistic passion.

705. Go scalp some Tremere. Wait until Christmas and send their scalps back as a 'Gift to the Magi'.

706. Kidnap a dozen or so persons. Fleshcraft and dominate them into being Bill Clinton. Infiltrate the White House one night and stuff them all into the Oval Office. Keep the real Bill with you for further mayhem.

707. Fleshcraft one of your ghouls to look exactly like you. Send him to the city's Elysium and have him say that you've discovered a new discipline that allows vampires to resist sunlight. When proof is asked for, have your ghoul impersonator give it to them. Offer lessons for great boons. After a few months of patient teaching, let your new pupils try out their new-found abilities...

708. Subdue an innocent bystander (the best kind) an fleshcraft them onto yourself. Repeat this procedure once each night, denying any observations other vampires make as to the results. Should be fairly interesting after a month or so.

709. Find the coffin of a deep sleeping vampire. Have your ghouls fill it with jello powder and water during the day.

710. Wait until the next Olympics... now wait until the night before the opening ceremonies. Think pyrotechnic vampiric doves...

711. Infiltrate a kindergarten and fleshcraft the children into each other (Cynthia into John, John into Bob, etc.). Wait until their parents return and make bets as to how many children go home with their real parents. Children seen but not heard, i ndeed.

712. Kill any politician that declares something vague to the media. See

92 how long it takes the weasels to adapt.

713. Kill a mortal for violating the Masquerade.

714. Ya know those annoying leaf blowers that are so loud? Superglue a patch of leaves to the ground.

715. Find some vampire who hears voices at times. Obfuscate and follow them around, suggesting things like "Mmmmm.... nice skyscraper, bet there's a nice view at the top." Once up there, suggest to them how much they resemble the noble eagle. Repeat as necessary over bridges, electrified subway rails, the bear pit in the zoo, etc.

716. Go through an entire suburban neighborhood, breaking into little kid's bedrooms and stealing their soft toys, the more cute, cuddly and anthropomorphic the better. Meanwhile, a cohort hammers two foot stakes into the ground in the local kiddy's ba seball field. The previous night, you'd gone out and bought lots of thick string, small red handkerchiefs and cigarettes. Think 'Firing Squad'.

717. For extra kudos & confusion, do the above on land where you know a Gangrel earth-melds every evening, and make sure the stakes are real sharp.

718. Obfuscate yourself to look like the head of the local Tremere chantry, and make a tacky 'Psychic Friends Hotline' type commercial for late-night TV, impersonating her to the point of ridicule (creepy voice, spangly clothes, eyeshadow galore). Keep repeating the number "0800-TREMERE" during the advert. For extra points, charge the TV advertising costs to her credit-card account, and see how long it takes them (or the Order Of Hermes) to notice. For the more meticulous, sadistic, and technologic ally ambitious, find a way to

93 actually reroute the 'phone calls to the poor Warlock.

719. As above, but with a Ventrue and Lawyers. Wear a shark fin on your back all the way through the commercial, but act normal. Be prepared; you may have to break into the TV station to get this one on the air.

720. [Needs several friends; even non-Malkavians might go along with this one]. All of you get dressed up as the Grim Reaper, big hood, scythe and all, and stand in the same place on successive bridges over the freeway/Motorway/Interstate/Autobahn/what ever. Good atmospheric lighting is important - perhaps a little dry ice if you're feeling flash. Using walkie-talkies, single out one car or truck to ominously raise your arm and point to as it approaches each bridge. First team to get a crash wins.

721. Get lots of WWI flying helmets, or at least lots of goggles and floppy leather caps. Kill all the dogs in the neighborhood that have their own kennels and, using that wonderful Taxidermy skill (You don't have Taxidermy? Shame on you!) and stuff th em in the appropriate position.... Curse You, Red Baron!

722. (For DOOM players. Crusades are the best time) Buy/steal a lot of weapons/ammo/armor. Put caches of them in a Camarilla city then dress yourself and your friends up as space marines. Declare all Camarilla vampires to be Infernalists and its the du ty of the marines to save earth

723. For Anime fans: (a) Tattoo 666 on Carl Macek's forehead (b) For those with vicissitude. Give those English dub actors high squeaky voices(Big eyes and multi-colored hair is optional but encouraged)

724. (For female Malks) Stuff yourself full of snails and puppy dog tails (I have yet to find a snip) go to Elysium/ A hospital and

94 give birth screaming "He looks just like his father!"

725. Get some friends and dress up as Arabs. Call yourself Ali Baba and raid a Setite temple

726. Stick a sign on the back of a Samedi saying 'Clam dip'

727. (For very powerful and suicidal Malks) Gain the trust of the Inconu (Pretend to have achieved Golconda) Bring thermite charges with you when you go in. Then go into the 'secret room' and plant the charges, wait. When the sacrifice begins you can: l.)Make yourself look like a demon and pop out at the end screaming that they've done everything wrong and must now pay. Detonate the charges and run like hell. 2.)At the moment of the sacrifice just explode the charges. Give THEM a taste of hell where those poor saps are going.

728. Whenever you hear 'Flight of the Valkyries' scream "Kill the Wabbit" as loud as you can

729. Another Anime one: Chop off your tallywacker and superglue poisonous snakes there(Animalism helps a lot) Turn yourself ultra-ugly (Horrid form or Obfuscate) and you know what to do.

730. For those with Animalism: dress up as a little kid and steal a tiger from a zoo and have it follow you around. No matter what it does and how many people complain, just say they are imagining things since its just a stuffed toy

731. Throw cows at Dave Barry

732. Epoxy one end of a forty foot bungee cord to one hole of a bowling ball. Attach a boat anchor or a grappling hook to the other. Drive very fast on an open Interstate highway with an open top and throw the hook/anchor end up as you're about to go under an overpass. Hope

95 that jackass tailgating you is paying attention...

733. Using roadwork detour signs, make the Prince's driveway the new highway exit.

734. Ya know that annoying packrat who always collects anything he can find? Put a bobcat in a suitcase. Drive down the highway until you pass your mark. Now stop well ahead of him and set up the suitcase on the side of the road. Hide somewhere ne arby and wait until the schlep opens the case.

735. Get some ghouls to sneak into the Elysium during the day and pull up the carpet then dig large pits all over the main meeting hall and then re-cover them all with the carpet without the tacks to hold the carpet down properly. Next Night call a Ge neral Meeting and bring a camcorder.

736. Go to all the surrounding pet stores in the area and buy up all of the crickets. Early the next morning, have your ghouls let them all lose into the Prince's ventilation system. Chirp, chirp...

737. For Amnesiac Malks: Forget everything - who you are and what you are, then turn yourself into the police so they can help you find out where you belong.

738. [For Sabbat or other anti-social types] Find the rock club where the local Camarilla Kindred hang out. (Bonus points if it's an Elysium). Bring your chainsaw. Do your best impressions of Ashe (Evil Dead 2 & Army of Darkness). For graphic demonstrations of Ashe's chainsaw technique, draft Kindred from the audience to represent Deadites...

739. [seasonal in New Orleans] During Mardi Gras, use appropriate methods to make yourself look like a certain long-haired blond rock-

96 star-type dude. (No bonus if you already look like that). Borrow Anne Rice's French Quarter apartment, and hang out on the balcony. (It's very bad form to do anything to Anne, however). Wave at revelers. When the alt.books.anne-rice crowd finally spots you (don't worry, they will), they'll probably start waving back and yelling "Bite me!" Oblige your fans. Bonus Poin ts: If the REAL Vampire Lestat shows up, convince him he's a figment of Anne Rice's imagination. Super Bonus Points: survive trying to earn your Bonus Points.

740. The former Soviet Army is selling its toys, like nuclear warheads, to raise hard cash. Poor quality Soviet warheads. Malkavian vampire. Some things are too horrible to imagine in combination...

741. "This thing looks useless." "What does 'Safety Interlock' mean, anyway?" followed by... "Hey, what does this button do?" (...Chernobyl, 3 Mile Island, Challenger launch, you get the idea...)

742. Here's a prank for you: Find a Gangrel you don't like. (Shouldn't be hard.) Have a ghoul follow him in the early morning hours and discover where he is Earth Melded for the day. Have the ghoul park a car over him. Make sure the ghoul videotapes him waking up; you wouldn't want to miss the fun!

743. Catch a rabid weasel and put him in your refrigerator. Invite a friend over. Ask him if he wants a drink. If yes, say: "It's in the fridge."

744. Fill an empty toothpaste tube with Mayo. Stand hack and watch the fun.

745. Put Nair in your best friend's shampoo

97 746. Jump in a car and head for a relatively calm freeway , or the like. Hit another car as spectacularly as possible, bonus if car flips, and pull over to the side of the road. Before Cops arrive, Dominate as many witnesses as possible to give outrage ous, conflicting accounts of what happened (make sure some make you look completely innocent - yeah, like it's possible). And Dominate the person who had the nerve to get in your way to strip to their shorts and do their best impersonation of Tarzan - in the Middle of giving their report to the police.

747. Talk in the third person all night.

748. Talk in the third person and pretend that you are more than one person.

749. Talk in the third person, pretend to be a great philosopher and make redundant statements (Confucious say: You can't fight evil with a macaroni duck.)

750. The latest one was when my pack's resident nut decided to have us go to high school prom. He put on a Barry Manilow record ("Feelings", no less) and put on sunglasses, a knit cap and performed a rap version of that record and used Dementate to sta rt a anti-Manilow riot....

751. Gangrel love to brag. Let's be honest, you learn a few stories doing all that traveling, and people are usually willing to learn what they can from you, Make a point of bragging. Talk about places you've been to, creatures you've fought with, etc. Now, leave one local region out of the places you brag about. When people ask, say, "I don't want to talk about it." Next, make a point of going out to that location. Let people know you're going. Preferably, go on a mission for one of them. Get out there, and ghoul every

98 animal you can find. This is of course much easier if you've got Animalism, and allows you to command them to attack any kindred other than you that passes through the area. Now, you use your own claws and fangs to make a whole series of wounds on yourself. Make yourself good and beat up. Head back to town, and let the local kindred see you in your state of disrepair. When they ask, say "The usual. I don't want to talk about it." Then, proceed to heal the wounds out of sight in relatively short order. They're your own work. Lick 'em, and they're gone. If you're working for someone, you may be able to convince them to give you a life boon. You'll definitely get a reputation as a major bad-ass. And if anyone happens to he ad out to that little spot in the wilderness, well, ever seen what a few dozen ghouled coyotes and rats can do to someone? Heh.

752. Dominate a House Representative into giving a speech supporting the Civil Lefts Amendment. If you have a conscience, keep him from killing himself later.

753. (Need Auspex or blind fighting to do this one. Well, it makes things easier, anyway...) Throw on a sleeveless green dress with a rope for a belt. Put on a blindfold. Grab some scales and a sword and visit the OJ Trial. (Bonus points for brain ing that annoying weasel Shapiro with the scales.)

754. (Need to be _really_ god at Fleshcrafting for this one...) Go buy a bunch of gerbils or hamsters. Suffocate them all. Now turn them into miniature wolves. Stuff 'em all into a sack with a note saying: "You're next, furbutts. Love, The Tremere .". Now go toss the sack where you know a lupine will get it.

99 755. Find a deer lease and hunt hunters with some paintball guns. (Bonus points if you can get them to shoot back.) Now track a deer and kill it. Superglue the paintball gun to its hooves and leave it where you know a hunter will find it.

756. Once more at the deer lease, track and capture some deer. (Don't hurt 'em this time.) Now spraypaint a camouflage pattern on them with neon orange and yellow spraypaint.

757. (This one requires telepathy and skilled users of Obfuscate...) Have the telepath secretly follow a hunter. Have the other vampire follow a deer that the hunter is tracking. Now, once the hunter raises the rifle to aim at the unsuspecting deer, the telepath gives the mental signal to the other vampire, who Obfuscates the deer. Now, while the hunter is confused, have the telepath use Mask of a Thousand Faces to look like a deer and tap him on the shoulder...

758. Find a 'great white hunter' who hunts only for the sheer pleasure of drilling Thumper. Catch him, kill 'im, gut 'im, and clean 'im. Now go tie him to his hood, put on a deer suit, and try driving out of the hunting park.

759. Find some loony who claims to hear voices speak to him. Using Obfuscate and patience, give him some _real_ voices and some _direction_ in his life. He always _did_ want to burn down that secluded, spooky mansion that attracted a lot of people at night, right?

760. Make a bunch of little flags with a cracked mirror on them (nice, eh?). Whenever you go someplace (especially where the Prince or Primogen members are), stick a flag wherever you are (in a table, in the ground, in a sofa, etc.) and declare it you r personal

100 domain. Demand vampires to 'present' themselves if they get within five feet of your flag. Call bloodhunts against intruding animals. Try and make an extradition treaty with the real Prince when the little buggers flee your domain. Give progeny rights to inanimate objects and unsuspecting passers-by. Carry a folding chair with you and call it your throne. Keep this up until everyone gets used to it. Now wait until someone places a hand on your shoulder. Very quickly ram a flag into the hand, scream out a bloodhunt against the attempted assassin-hand, cut it off swiftly, and run away while eating the appendage whole. On the next night, superglue all your flags to a cat and claim that it deposed you in physical combat.

761. Run the Prince's car off the road, and jump out to ask "Excuse me, are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?".

762. Enter a nice Ventrue or Toreador owned art gallery specializing in portraits while Obfuscated with a large marker. Damn, but Maynard always looked snazzy with that goatee...

763. Here at the local Tremere chantry, we've replaced the ritual blood stocks with Folger's Crystals. Let's see if these experienced wizards will note the difference...

764. First, throw a gala celebration for the Prince. Now invite all the important mortals he knows in his name. Exlax mousse desert. Oh, did I forget to mention that the toilets are broken?

765. Dominate a Torry into thinking he's a bull. Now take 'em to a fine China shop and wave a red flag at the other end of the store. Bonus points if another Torry or a Ventrue owns the China store.

766. Find a police officer. Dominate him into arresting the next

101 person he sees wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses at night. Follow him with some buddies and start a betting pool to see which kind of supernatural being he collars first.

768. Make some mannequin duplicates of the Prince and put them in the department stores. Extra points for unusual dress and body alterations.

769. For Valentine's Day, use Serpentis to give someone a real heart. Preferably the Prince's or a Primogens'.

770. Go to a night baseball game. Use Dominate on every member of the visiting team's pitching staff. Tell them that to start beaning every batter once the third inning starts. Should be good for starting a bench clearing brawl. Now work on Dominat ing the drunks in the stands...

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-Peg Leg Pete, are you happy now, punk?

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If anyone ever has any questions, comments, or complaints about these pranks or doesn't understand one, please feel free to contact me at: [email protected]. Also, if you would like a copy of any of the Pranklympics (19 parts so far) or the Prankthol ogy (7 parts), please feel free to ask.

Also check out Erehwon's Malk Page at: http://www.nauticom.net/users/erehwon/ and Jason Corely's ftp site at: tau.lpl.arizona.edu. Lots of neat stuff on both sites. We now return you to your regularly scheduled de- programming.

102 The Prankthology, Part 8 of 5

The Prankthology has a new home! Check it out at: http://www- lan.unt.edu/acslab/home/mayall/www/pranks/pranklst.htm. And remember, you can still get it at Erehwon's Malkavian Website (http://www.nauticom.net/users/erehwon/) and Jason Corley's Book of Not (file://tau.lpl.arizona.edu/pub/booknot/). And now on with our show...

Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate enough to have opened the eighth part of the (apparently inaccurately named) Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. Well, maybe not the grand pappy itself, but at the least one of its idiot cousins. So sit back, grab some lime green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy. And without too much further ado, I bring you the complete list of credits (ooh, look, new people!)... ------The Baron, Mark Baxter (Mr. Badger), Ceredwyn Beneslet (Yelyana), Donald G. Bixler (Oops da Ogre), Kris Blade, Michael Bloch, Lizzy Borden Geoffrey Brent (William Gordon), Deird'Re M. Brooks, Victor Brueggemann (Victor), Veronica Bulger, Butch (Bostch), Bowyn Carmichael, Stella E. Chambrick, P.R. Church (Handel W. Care), Richard George Clinton, CoCheese, The Concourse on High, Jonathon Conway, Jason D. Corley, Lea Crowe, Andrew Cruse, Joshua E. Culbertson (desnoirs), Ren Cummins (Dark Heart), Cynthia Higgins (Lurker at the Threshold), Raven

103 Darksaint (Raven), Rhiannon Davies, Doug DeJulio, Gregory Ehrendreich, Ian S. Fay (Schreck), Chris Fieldhouse (Chriss), The Fiend, Rosanne Fisher, Jerome Fouletier, Timothy Frost (Abbot), Timothy Fuller, Diedra Gates, William R. Geiger (Scarecrow), Andrew Getting, Jeff Giammo, Francis Gilbert (Morgan Heart), Benjamin Avery Goldstein, Christopher L. Grant, Blake Guard, Gustev, Paul Haggard (John Dowskin), Nathan Helfinstine, Paul Hemmingway, Claire Hipkin, Daniel Arnold Hopping, Phil Hyde, Iago, Bart Janssens (Floyd), Nicole Johnson, Josh D. K., Krasnow (marlin downsteepy and malcom malkav), Barbara Jean Kuehl (Baby Jinx), D. Kupper (Roger/Loki/Ophelia), Marduk Kurios, Bob Linn, Dr. Shadow K. Lu, Christopher Lyons, MINLJM, ML2010 (Muller Lives 2010), Rob Maddock, Marc17 (Infodrome), Marok, Dr. Manhatten (Cerebrus), Matt, Johnny Mayall (Peg Leg Pete), D. McKeeman (Weasel Boy), Cameron McCurry, Ron Meisenheimer, Morris (The Livewire), Charleen Mullenweg (Lady Tatyana Oberonovich), Andrew C. Murdoch, J. Nelson, C. Newman (Sableagle), S. J. Nolte, Georgina Okerson (Synthea), Omnicynic, Oorang (Vinnie the Goon), Pandora, Ken Pat, N. Peabody, Gaston Phillips, Virgil Porter, Reshaka, Bill C. Riemers, Alexia Romanov, Erik Robbins, Jennifer Santarelli (mistress josephe), Troy Schiemann (The Green Man), Carlo Settineri (Mike Youngblood), Laura Smit (loa lightquencher), Ashley Taft (Ashley), Tina (Discord), Duke Toma (Guy du Bas-Tyra), Timothy Toner, Trombone69, Peter Tyson (Dr. Dynamo), Visitant, Oscar van Vliet, Bruce Wasson, Sean Williamson (Othello), Eric M. Willey (v.a.l. aka Mercy), Mandy West (Youphoria), Chelsea Wood (Juno), Yanick Champoux (Le Nabot number 6), YyoDDa96, Joe Zubkavich (Abraham Walker)

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The Prankthology, Part Eight of Five

104 ------

Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and

Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...

Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in fun, twisted as it may be.

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771. Go find some people tripping on acid (shouldn't be too tough in Denton). Now repeatedly Earth Meld in front of them. Become a local legend and earn the admiration of your peers.

772. Go to Hollywood. Dress up like Dracula and wear a rainbow wig. Now Obfuscate and make cameo appearances in as many movie scenes as physically possible. Drive film crews and editors to alcoholism.

773. Find a medium sized stream that has a beaver dam (usually visited or seen by day). One night, tear it down and replace it with a cement dam. Superglue little contruction helmets to a few of the larger beavers and spraypaint "Ain't evolution grand?" on the new dam.

774. Impersonate Abraham Lincoln and give impromptu renditions of the Emancipation Proclamation at Ku Klux Klan meetings. For bonus points, recite in its entirety Dennis Hopper's monologue to Christoher Walken from 'True Romance', inserting 'inbred redknecks' for 'Sicilians'.

775. Find a Lasombra. (Shouldn't be too hard-- just shoot a

105 bunch of wops and pick the one that gets back up. If anyone took offense to that, you are an idiot who takes offense too easily and will likely take offense to being called an idiot, also. Idiot.) Now beat the piss out of him. (Or her, if you're a> a male chauvenist pig, b> an equal-opportunity asshole, or c> if you don't want to use sexist language but think political correctness is stupid and just want to poke fun at as many people as possible.) Then manacle his feet and bring him to the top of a decent sized building. Call the press and then lower him a few stories upside-down from a chain linked to the manacles. Have someone strong start swinging the squealing Lasombra back and forth once the camera crews start showing up. Should make for some interesting live camera coverage, eh?

776. Find one very macho, punkish Brujah (preferably one with a loud mohawk). Get some friends and stake him. Now shave every single hair off of his body. Apply an obscene amount of makeup (neon purple nail polish included, of course) and paint yellow hair on him. Dress him up in an itty bitty teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini and get in a vehicle with a camcorder hidden in the back. Now tie a rope to the stake and yank it out (while in the car, of course). Drive off just fast enough as the screaming little boy-toy runs after you, filming all the live-log way. Declare free movie night at the next Elysium gathering.

777. Find one pretty little Toreador that is excessively vain. Stake 'em. Drag him to a tatoo parlor and Dominate the tatoo artist into tatooing "Poseur For Hire" on his forehead. Now take out the stake and _heavily_ Dominate the Torry into forgetting the whole

106 incident and ignoring the tatoo,refusing to believe that it exists. Fun for those prestigious TorridWhore parties.

778. Find a vampire who has a known interest in the occult. Now go kill a ram and take its horns and hind-quarters. Then go nab the vampire. Cut his legs off from the knees down, replacing them with the ram legs, and superglue the horns to his head. Take his shirt off and carve pentagrams and runs on his chest ("C'thulu rocks your lame ass" is a popular suggestion). Now go throw him in the Tremere chantry.

779. Find out when a Primogen member will be leaving town for a week or so. Once he's gone, bulldoze his entire estate, removing _everything_ completely. Cement over the entire compound, leaving "Caine loves you, but everyone else thinks your an asshole" written in the cement.

780. During Christmas season, Fleshcraft a bunch of little kids into demented versions of Santa's elves. Use your own imagination as to what to make long and pointy.

781. Attend an opera or classical music concerto. Obfuscate and sneak backstage with a portable stereo, a Quiet Riot CD, and a lot of wires. C'mon, feel the noise... (Bonus points for actually finding structural attunement.)

782. Use Chimestry to make the Prince look like Bozo the Clinto-- ummm... Clown during a serious speech. (Or the Emperor Who Wore No Clothes.)

783. Nab a Lupine. Shave it. Send the Polaroids to its Pack Elders with suggestions to post them in the local caern.

784. Sabotage the ba-dee (you know, those little water fountains that clean off dirty bungholes) of an uppity politician by using

107 creative wiring. Talk about shock therapy...

785. (Need a lot of friends for this one.) Ever want to make the local garou feel at home? Brighten up their caern! Arrange for a distraction (some of your less liked vamps will do nicely) to draw off most of the Garou. After they¹r egone, rush in with your friends and subdue the guards. Then... do some landscaping! Put some gravel paths in, mow the lawn and trim those bushes. Dig a barbacue pit and throw a pig on. A few coolers of beer and your all set to run like hell...

786. Find some Redcaps and dominate them. Spray paint them blue and their caps white then have them stroll though Faerie court singing 'la-la-la-la-la!"

787. Find a neonate. Stake him. Get a pair of pliers and pull his fangs. Drain him dry of all but one blood point. Put him in a room with a live cow. Pull the stake, back out of the room and watch the fun.

788. Find a neonate. Stake him when his fangs are out. Dominate an orthodontist to put braces on him.

789. Replace the candy those annoying little kids sell with exlax. See how fast they sell...

790. Seed rain clouds with random body parts. (Canines and felines work especially well, for some reason.)

791. During the middle of a conversation, inform others that you need two forms of identification from each of them. When they act confused,just wink as if everyone knows exactly what your'e talking about when you say, "All a part of my grand scheme."

792. Small white rabbits. Fleshcrafting. Vampiric. Hungry.

108 Monty Python.

793. Get some marauder friends (and prefereably a Nexus Crawler for extra support) and stage Rocky Horror. It may be necessary to go weird tech to make that laser work properly, but hell, they can handle it. Shoot the audience to prove the lasers work. At the end when Riff Raff and company take off, launch the cinema into space. Run away laughing. Arranging oxygen for the orbiting viewers is recommended.

794. Take photos of everyone. Do this for months. Reminisce over your albums with trusted friends (that Masquerade thing is annoying, isn't it?). Now, acquire a good airbrush and a thorough knowledge of photo editing. 'Blank' a neonate out of a photo. Pass it round, wondering how it happened. Kill the neonate. The next night, several more portraits are gone...

795. Find one of those 'vampire bars'. Tip off a Justicar that the Masquerade is being broken there. Go back (Obfuscated) and use Dominate to *unDominate* the regular humans. Vampires, vampires, everywhere, and the Masquerade's in pretty poor condition...

796. The Leaning Tower. Scaffolding. Community Service.

797. Clothes are victims of a COMMUNIST DICTATORSHIP! In particular, the clothes of the prince (or Emperor). Release them from their bondage. Free all clothes in the city and send them to a place where they can live their natural lives in harmony. Donating them to the local Garou Sept is a nice idea.

798. *Some* clothes have gone over to the *enemy*. At the next Camarilla meeting, announce that you have discovered a spy. Drag out a set of cords and some loafers and interrogate them. Don't be

109 afraid to be brutal.

799. The Sabbat are fun. But they look so depressed most of the time. Remember, a smiling face is a happy face. Use fleshcraft and possibly celerity to run like hell.

800. Tramp out crop circles repeatedly. If anyone asks you why, wistfully say that you're trying to signal an InterGalactic Taxi to get home.

801. Fuel-Air bomb in a ventilation system. Elysium. Declare aggrievedly that Brujah are terrified of fire and can't bear to be near it. Claim that there isn't a Brujah alive who won't frenzy if someone lights a match. Place bets. Stand near the door, start up your celerity, and have the beefiest Brujah light up. Start running - hard. Collecting monies the following evening is not recommended.

802. Drive past a speed camera while doing 150 km/hr and Obfuscated. (Try and convict me with that picture, coppers.)

803. Replac the doors on a Lasombra haven with magic eye automatic openers.

804. Astro-turf a Tzimisce haven. Leaving a dust pan with a _very_ small amount of dirt left in it for the Fiends to squabble over is optional.

805. (Prank story) I Dominated a MAlki into doing and then forgetful minded him to think the prank was his idea. We were having a

dreadfully boring masq. and the highlight of the evening so far had been an obfuscated wall of Nosferatu's (headed by me the Nos. Primogen). Anyway, it got to the point that I couldn't take it anymore so I Dominated the first Malki that I got my hands on and told him what to do...... First he went and stole a car out front of the

110 student union building (where we were holding themasque). Then he drove off to Walmart and bought as many gasoline cans as he could (that was twenty), then he drove to a gas station and filled all of the cans up. Then he drove to the local Greyhound Bus station and stole a bus (after he loaded all the gasoline cans onto the bus). Then he drove the bus up to the front of the Student Union Building, and lit all of the gasoline cans and drove the bus through the humungous glass window in the front, lighting up the party in the process....Oh YES, he drove the bus in obfuscated and jumped out as soon as it hit the first wall. Then proceeded to unobfuscate undected in a corner, and acted very confused as to what was going on.... He never did get caught, though a very inlucky Gangrel did get punished for it. Amazing enough out of two hundred players not one was hurt by the whole bus incident.

806. Get you Clan to elect a sock puppet as Malkavian Primogen. Dominate a Tremere into argueing on your behalf.

807. Ten things to arrange over an earth melded (earth molt?) Gangrel: (best to use a ghoul, Dominate some schmuck, hire somebody, etc.) 1.) A brick pyramid (only if using a Tremere sigil capstone). 2.) A yellow tape outline. 3.) A grassfire, scorching the earth all around, except for an area covered by...something, leaving the shape of a sleeping Gangrel. 4.) A real estate for-sale sign: one Gangrel haven, needs work. 5.) A Torreador early-evening ball. 6.) Shakespeare in the park. 7.) A magic show (requires exact timing, maybe via Dominate). 8.) A Satanic cult ritual (as above, so below). 9.) A zombie movie shoot. 10.) A pile of leaves (only you can support the Masqerade).

111 x.) A portable outhouse.

808. Movie time! Now showing: _Repo Man_. Stake the Kindred of your choice, stuff him in the trunk of a domestic car (somebody elses). See how many of the city's undead you can get to join in the scavenger hunt. See if you can get anybody to read _Dianetics_.

809. Through the miracle of modern Chimerstry, Obfuscate, or ventriloquism cause a child's voice to emanate from a well or storm drain on the Prince's estate. Alert the media, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. Using Animalism to cause a puppy to whine at the voice is a plus.

810. Use Animalism on a bloody pawed akita to lead passing yuppies to the Prince's haven, Tremere chantry, etc. DO NOT use your own blood here, but then, you knew that, didn't you.

811. In a similar vein: tell the Justicar "If my blood aint on it, you must acquit." Question the quallity of his DNA and his sire's DNA. Point out dozens of other Kindred would have the same Psychometry trace. Hire a pilot to tow a banner proposing to his archon.

812. Random ghouling. Place vitae (yours or someone elses) in various beverage containers (water coolers, punch bowls, holy water fonts, food vats in prisons or schools, etc.) whenever the mood strikes you. Variation: product tampering--add vitae to Miracle-Grow(tm).

813. Ghoul the Prince's guard dogs before he does.

814. From under hiding (obfuscation), throw clay pigeons at people. See if they get why they should get nervous.

815. Have your retainer squeeze out pigeons over a Gargoyle (during the day that is, allowing you to do this more than once).

816. To apologize for the above incident (well, weeks of it),

112 liberate your gargoyle brethren. Do it yourself, as a show of good faith; on nights where you've got some free time, climb to rooftops and give 'em a push while shouting "Fly, be free!" Wonder, as the people below you must, why the gargoyles are stone at night and plummet staight down.

817. (Continued from above.) Jump to the logical conclusion: your gargoyle friends have been cursed by vindictive Tremere. Demand that they be changed back; don't take no for an answer. For every gargoyle that dies (via 'gravity poisoning'), encase one Tremere in cement to take his place. Flesh & Bonecrafting optional. While you're at it, do something about those pesky pedestrians who keep intercepting your winged allies in their (brief, linear, vertical) flight.

818. Bring a rather ripe corpse to the next Conclave. Tell everyone he's a Samedi friend from out of town, suffering from a bit of jet lag. Confide to skeptics that he's actually had a bit too much to drink on the flight in and he's just sleeping it off.

819. (Continued from above.) Stake your friend and turn him in at the next blood hunt. Apologize to the Prince for getting the wrong vampire, pull the stake out, tell your buddy you're sorry, and wait for him to accept. When he doesn't move, try frantically to revive him.

820. Cut off your hand while ferrying across the Irish Sea, hurl it ashore before reaching land. Claim whichever island you landed on.

821. For Saint Patrick's Day dye the Chicago River orange.

822. Through extensive use of Vicissitude, Dominate, and Dementation, remake the Prince's neighbors into the Flanders of _the

113 Simpsons_.

823. Publicly apologize for violating the Masqerade. Local, late-night UHF airtime is cheap; local access cable is free.

824. As above, but only on one particular Kindred's television (the Prince or the offended party). Splicing cable is one way, reorienting his digital satellite dish toward a nearby building with a transmitter is another. Chimersty is always useful.

825. Find a paranoid vampire you can manage to perpetually out-obfuscate; refer to him as your 'roomy.'

826. Find a reclusive Kindred (bit paranoid--can't be all that rare), preferably a writer. Chew on his pencils. If he fails to notice, chew on his furniture.

827. High status got you down? Invite the Harpies to an afternoon tea. Alternately, invite only their retainers to a night event, not the Cainites themselves.

828. Become a Harpy yourself. Issue a list--in paricular order-- of Kindred you believe to have good taste. Make other allusions to Diablerie.

829. For antitribu only: powdered gelatin in the Vinculum. Bonus points for eyes, etc. in the place of fruit.

830. Help Salubri hide from those nasty Tremere. Poke out an eye or two.

831. Help the Giovanni. As they diversify their business holdings and form new companies, suggest names (via dominate, frinstance) to their ad company. 'Giovanni Unlimited InterNational Europe- America.'

832. (After watching the Prince and his entourage eat an uneventful meal...) When the Prince and his mortal guests call for the chef to

114 compliment, take his place--no obfuscate, though take his hat--receive their compliments. Only considered a prank after you've developed a working relationship with the Prince (50- 75+ pranks). Bonus points if any of his entourage know you well enough to want to spit out his meal for safety's sake; double if they actually do.

833. Use Vicissitude to bring Gary Larson's 'Boneless Chicken Ranch' to life.

834. Work part time as a monkey grinder. Literally.

835. Go to a police station on a busy night. Obfuscate and make bunny ears for mugshots.

836. Rorschach cards are fun. But for those Malkavian antitribu out there with Dementate-- Rotschreck cards! (Dare a Brujah to play solitare...)

837. Swap coffins between two vampires. Particularly ones that don¹t like each other. ...then three...

838. Know that poor Tremere with bad eyesight who¹s always losing his glasses? Get him a new pair. With a third lens.

839. (For male Malks) A little Vicissitude, have a normal birth.

840. Freshness date a Samedi (Saran Wrap(tm) is considered rude).

841. (Only for the truly suicidal) Follow a lupine around (Obfuscated, of course). After he's been seen by a few Kindred and leaves, show up with shredded clothes; ask what happened. Keep this up, eventually someone will realize you're an Abomination (literally). If the lupine didn't kill anybody (easiest if he's a friend/blood bound/etc.), you may have a job as the Prince's new enforcer; If he does, you've found a way to call a blood hunt without being a Prince.

115 842. Obfuscated, take a rifle to a showing of Bambi. Sit in the balcony and bide your time. Limit shots to Bambi's Mom, timing is critical--you must match up with the soundtrack. Good luck avoiding Rotschreck during the forest fire.

843. Make one large flag with a cracked mirror on it. Fly it over the Prince's haven, prominent Elysium sites, government buildings, etc. Level 6 obfuscate, limited to one success may be enough to hide it from mortals, but allow the Auspex enhanced to view it. Maybe. May require something similar to Scrawl from the Clanbook.

844. Run the Prince's car off the road, and jump out to ask "Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon (tm)?".

845. Get a cannon which can propel a live bird at ~150 mph. Dress in 1920's-style tennis whites, straw boaters, frills, parasols, etc. Pack a delightful afternoon tea. Take a basketful of birds, your cannon and lunch to the end of a runway at the loca l airport. Pull!

846. (This may need some police contacts or just a bit of Dominate in the right place.) Find a Lasombra who regularly drives his own vehicle. Get your local traffic department to set up a speed camera on the route he travels. Alter the speed setting so it goes off when you want it to. Change the position of it continually, camoflague it well, perhaps with a bit of higher level Obfuscate or Chimestry when he starts getting *really* paranoid. This would be fairly annoying for most people, but, of course, the photos will show no driver. To increase the trouble from the worried traffic people, leak the story to the papers. Act as his agent and set up a TV interview at his home or place of business with 'Hard Copy' if you really

116 feel like making trouble.

847. Break into a zoo and steal a pirhana. Embrace it (or get a Brujah friend to embrace it), starve it. Put it in the kiddies pool.

848. Dominate a Ventrue to think he¹s James Bond, 007. Send him on a mission for England, and have the Prince be the supervillan. Send him to the Prince¹s haven with some nifty gear and some c-4. You get the idea. Extra points for Fleshcrafting multiple Ventrues into all the different James Bonds, and some women into characters like Pussy Galore and Onatop.

849. Is blood really thicker than water? Find out. On pedestrians. Bonus points for publishing your findings.

850. Break into the home of a scientist who does animal testing. Try his experiments on a human.

851. Go to a Prince's party in a four wheel drive vehicle. Nowhere to park? Park on top of a Ventrue's Rolls Royce. Or the prince's living room (You might want to be very fast for this one).

852. Is there a vampire that's been annoying you lately? Have a few ghouls go to his haven in the daytime. Wrap him well to protect him from the sun. Relocate him in a new haven somewhere at random. Without his clothes.

853. When the above vampire returns to his haven, he discovers that it has been torn down. And is being replaced with a mini mall. Bonus points for owning the mall.

854. (Prank story) I've been living in Florida for a while (just got out of Cuba), and the Cammies there weren't to happy when they

117 found me. In fact, the Prince was (rightly) upset and demanded I either leave with all due haste, or suffer her wrath. I laughed and told her to piss off. For some reason, this made her frenzy on me, but the ghouls and vamps restrained her while I danced on outta there. About 30 minutes later my buddy Seth of the good ol' Serpants of the Light (yep, Sabbat to the bone) is giving me a couple blood points to use against this prince. An hour or so after that, I've got this vessel of transferance set up in the prince's haven -- replacing a bit of artwork she is quite meticulous about. Replacing it slightly off center of the podium it's supposed to be on. I wait. The Prince comes through the hallway, notices the out-of-place clay pot, and moves it. She now has a bit of Sabbat blood in her (and if I could get the pot back, I'd have some of her blood). Well, in the meantime, I let myself get caught, and hauled before the better vampires of the city, including the Prince. While she's spieling off about my crimes, I accuse her of being a Sabbat spy. Everyone gets real quiet, and she ever so kindly asks me to prove it. I use some Thaumaturgy to fill a glass with a sample of her blood, which is then passed to a Tremere or two for them to analyze. Wonders of wonders, it's hers (spirit touch), and it's Sabbat (Taste for Blood). During the resulting commotion, I was able to move to Mexico unhindered.

855. (Prank story) I recently was hanging at a bar with an assortment of shady characters, when an idea struck me. I failed my dodge roll, so after I picked myself back up, I ordered the "Are you nuts" chicken wings (somewhere above "suicide" in heat ), but I didn't eat them... Instead, I just played with my food a while, then went into the men's room, and wiped my hands on the toilet paper in both stalls.

118 Then I waited, and the results were... amusing.

856. Learn faerie mechanics. Replace the engine in a "friend's" car with a large rubber band.

857. Announce you are running for President of the United States. Promise outlandish things. Then, get elected and forget all about them. (Note: this prank has been successfully used many times, but always seems to work).

858. In a related action, run for a political office. Promise stupid things. Ask everyone you meet if they would vote for you. If they say no, kill them. See how many elections it takes to win.

859. Pick a word (preferable one that is rather common). For a day, whenever someone says that word, scream at the top of your lungs. Then, the look around, shrug and continue. Repeat often, picking a new word each night.

860. When enter a room, hide yourself underneath the largest piece of furniture. Every 2 minutes, move to the next smallest piece. Then on to the occupants of the room. Hiding inside people is quite acceptable. If anyone asks you about it, alternatively whisper vague phrases about the CIA, cheese balls and cow mutilations. The next time they ask, crawl out, stand in the middle of the room and deny you did anything at all.

861. Whenever someone talks to you, ignore them. Then, once they are done, stare at them expectantly, wait a minute and then walk off muttering, "you'll get yours . . ."

862. Take a small rodent. Carry on your person at all times. If someone mentions it, look frightened, whirl around, then shake your

119 head and jot something down in a notebook.

863. Dress up in a gorilla suit (or Fleshcraft yourself into one). Get a big thighbone from somewhere (be creative). Walk around humming the music from 2001 and beating the shit out of people with it. (Avoid the scene where the sun comes out, though ).

864. Find a group of goths (shouldn't be too hard. . . ) One night, after they are asleep (naturally or not), apply a healthy coating of self-tanning lotion (one can never be too tan, can one?) to their poor, pale complexions. It should make them feel much better about themselves. Alternatively, use oil-based paints (ochre is good, so is burnt umber.) Then, if you're still feeling helpful, liven up that dark and gloomy wardrobe of theirs! Think spray paint, think neon, think fun, fun, fun (Richard Simmons style).

865. Get a friend (you have _one_, don't you?). Walk into a highly crowded area. Fake a heart attack. Have your friend rush over to you, check you out (let others check you out - don't breathe) and then proclaim you to be dead. Then, have him give you a "magical, mystical" pill/powder/shot/chant/whatever. Cough. Fake a heartbeat. Start to breathe. Then, sell your miracle product for whatever it'll bring. Claim it must be used w/in a short time of death (bring along a Samedi for illustration). If anyone complains - tell they waited too long, kill 'em, and then try it. Shrug when it doesn't work, and offer them their money back.

866. Begin to talk about something as if it existed when it doesn't. Ask people questions about it (does it look bigger today?). Keep it up until they finally answer you. Then, calmly stare at them,

120 and ask what the hell they are talking about. Tell the Prince you are concerned about their mental well being.

867. Using the 7th level dominate - Repression of the Obvious, find out someone's deepest darkest secret. Then, help them out. Apply it on their person any way you feel is appropriate (carve it into their forehead, tattoo it on their chest, write it on their hands, whatever). The next day, ask them if they feel better yet.

868. Shave your head, except for on the sides. Go to an airport. Hand out decapitated hamsters and a booklet linking hamsters to Satanism.

869. Find a wannabe Virtual Adept -- one that's just learning about computers. Tell him all the K3WL \/\/AREZ are available by telnetting to 127.0.0.1. Tell him "They already know your password." It's true.

870. Break into a restaurant before it opens (or Dominate the manager into letting you in). Replace the cola syrup in the soda dispenser with employees' (or your own, or best yet, a Tremere's) blood.

871. Like above, except just hook the line up to a Dominated (or bound and gagged) mortal (or Toreador).

872. Find a Country and Western bar. Replace all the CDs in the jukebox with industrial music. That night, go the bar with a few of your (herd/retainers/ghouls/friends), all dressed as Elvis. Mosh when the songs start.

873. Rip out your eyeballs before sleeping one day. When you get up, superglue the eyeballs to the door of the local NWO Construct. Write "My Brother is Bigger than Your Brother" on the door, in blood or some other fun substance. This works with other people's eyeballs too,

121 of course.

874. Walk into a Toreador establishment and create a 'work of art' using Chimerstry. Laugh as they marvel at your work. Laugh as you make it dissapear and they blame the local Ravnos.

875. (Prank story) The Prince of Catonsville was a Malk (an 18th century French vampire who thought he was Louis XIV and wasn't). He was having a party to celebrate the 100th anniversary of his rule. In the middle of the party, everybody was appalled to find his body sitting on his throne ON his head. Psychometry and taste of vitae indicated that it was indeed the prince, but there was no sign of any assasin (no footprints _and_ no smell Mr. Badass Gangrel was quite pissed.) The Prince, who was Obfuscated and had faked the whole thing with an elaborate scheme involving several mages and a Lasombra Antitribu (Don't ask. I don't think HE understands all of the convolutions) watched everybody wander around trying to solve it. Eventually, the Ventrue made a power play. The Prince reappeared, dropping from the chandalier, laughing at everybody and sentencing the Ventrue responsible for said power play to Final Death. Clever and functional. P.S. One of the clues involved a contract half written in disappearing, reapppearing ink between a party listed in the invisible part and the Assamites (the party was the Prince and the assignment was to help him find traitors. The Assamites'll do anything for money.)

876. Use Obfuscate to sneak into the Prince's house and release cockroaches. (Can you ghoul cockroaches?)

877. While someone is sleeping build a town over them with legos. If you feel they would compromise the town when they get up in the evening, be sure to use crazy glue. If you're feeling

122 daring, make them a lego coffin. If you still have the crazy glue handy, glue them to the coffin. Glue the coffin to the ground. If you're feeling daring, glue the coffin to something that will be moving around alot. Cars, trains, subways, planes, ocean liners, space shuttles, etc. Or for a different effect, glue it to something that won't go anywhere. Streets, buildings, train tracks, subway lines, Oceanic oil rigs, the Moon, etc. You get the idea.

878. Ask the prince for permission to embrace him.

879. Juggle childer. Other peoples' of course.

880. (Requires lots of people.) Pick a bus route, any route. Best select one which has alot of businessmen or such like using it during the rush hour. Have someone at each bus-stop dress as a clown. As the bus comes, get on, soon the bus will begin to fill with clowns! BUT, the clowns must not speak to each other, sit next to each other or in any way acknowledge each other! When some-one asks if it is a convention, say no, that is how you normally dress, when they point out the others clowns, act suprised, then shocked that they copied your idea.!!!

------

-Peg Leg Pete, damn tired from all that typing. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, or pranks, please send the email in my direction. Hope ya'll enjoyed these, and thanks to all those who helped make it possible. Part Nine will likely be out in a few months.

---Johnny [email protected]://www.unt.edu/~ac51---

123 Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate enough to have opened the ninth part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.

Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...

Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in fun, twisted as it may be.

The Prankthology, Part Nine of Five

881. Sneak into a liquor store. Put Ozarka Spring Water in all the vodka bottles.

882. Go muddin'. In a souped-up bulldozer. (Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!) In the Prince's house.

883. Find a city election. Replace the worker who checks voter ID cards. "Suggest" to everyone that they write in your favorite candidate. Fiegn suprise when the Prince is elected mayor.

884. Rob a jewelry store. Try and sell the merchandise back to them the next night at cheap rates.

124 885. Obfuscate and give a "hot foot" to a Tremere during a ritual. Somewhere around the word "Niktu" is usually good.

886. Find a Gangrel who frenzies a lot. And enjoys showing off his feline features. Nab 'im one night and fleshcraft all of his kitty features into rodent ones.

887. Dominate some cowboys into riding into a bar on horses, lassoing a certain Brujah, and hog-tying him with duct tape. Obfuscate and watch the show with a camcorder.

889. Follow some boyscouts on a weekend camping trip. While Obfuscated, sneak a bunch of marijuana into their camp fire.

890. Sneak into an Italian retaurant. Find the sauce pot and replace the mushrooms with 'shrooms.

891. Find one vampire who maintains a mortal life. Now go cut off one of his hands and run like hell. One night, go shoot the police commissioner and use the hand to leave fingerprints all over the gun and the crime scene. Go tip off the donut-boys.

892. Get on an airplane. Now (using Mask of a 1000 Faces), go to the bathroom every ten minutes and come out as someone completely different. Bonus points if the passenger next to you checks into a lony bin upon landing.

893. Give noogies. With a pumice stone.

894. Switch a Tzimisce's homeland dirt with cow manure.

895. File an extra income tax return for that local Giovanni entrepeneur. Be a good citizen and make sure those audits are thorough. Helping out by returning the Gios 'misplaced' receipts is optional.

896. Spraypaint a horse white and ride it nekkid past a Catholic church for a while. Keep leading any spectators back to the Tremere chantry.

125 897. With bonecraft, give that aspiring Baali some real horns.

898. Give the local Salubri a few extra eyes to help camoflague it fomr those pesky Tremere.

[Editor's note: the day I spell camo-what-the-hell-ever correctly more than once a month, I'll retire.]

899. Dominate a local history professor into teaching the Book of Nod. Bonus points to the one who can dothis the longest without getting discovered.

900. Learn Vic... ummm... learn Fleshcrafting and open a lucrative plastic surgery practice.

901. Follow a couple on a vacation. Make sure to be Obfuscated in each photo (naked is optional).

902. Using Dementate, drive everyone in a loony bin into sanity.

903. Give that aspiring Toreador artiste a hand before his upcoming show. Lop off an ear and superglue a fake goatee to him. Dominate him into thinking everything is normal.

904. Combining Horrid Form and Obfuscate, follow a live news team around and make cameos. Holding a sign stating "Price ______molests cows" is, as usual, optional.

905. Attend sporting events with a hig-powered sniper rifle and a prejudice against blimps. (No, no, not fat people...)

906. Fleshcrafting. Involuntary breast enlargement on males.

907. Carry around a Shop-Vac when visiting that clever Gangrel who likes Mist Form so much.

908. Requires 1 person, a tall building with 2 lifts. (That's an elevator for us uncultured Amnericans.) Have some-one occupy a lift, set up a working shower in there and have someone start taking a shower

126 (complete with shower gap). When the lift is summoned and the doors open, the suprised occupant screams, attempts to cover himself up (it was a man who did it) and quickly press the button to close the doors... After an hour or so, someone can arrive in the lobby wearing just a bath robe, carrying some soap, a bath sponge or whatever. When the lift arrives, the occupant can leave having fully showered and the new person can go in... (Oh, the second lift is so that people can actually move about while the guy is showering.)

909. Ghoul roaches and put them in the Prince's have. Then, when the Prince wipes them out, you use ghouled fleshcrafted mice. It'll take 'im longer to wipe those out, so you have time to prepare the rat- based roaches. Then you go to cats, dogs, and, finally, kine. After he wipes out the last giant roach infestation, you Dominate his fave ghoul into dropping one down his shirt.

910. Dominate an entire high school faculty into going to work naked. Selling disposable cameras to a few students is of course optional.

911. This may take some work. Use Dominate to get nude pictures of the city mayor, then the governor, then the state senators. Place massively blown up pictures on billboards with a new one each month in a different place. Laugh at the headlines.

912. As above but start with the junior members of the primogen and ending with the prince. Bonus points for any one who survives for more than three showings.

913. Have your ghouls go cow tipping on the Prince's lawn during the day. You'll probably have to supply your own cows.

914. Have your ghouls go clown tipping on the Prince's lawn during the

127 day. You'll definitely have to supply your own clowns. Making them stay tipped is a problem too. I like sledgehammers. Imagine the Prince's face when he wakes up to a yard full of dead clowns. Bonus points for anyone that can get the police to arrive at sunset. Funfunfun.

915. You might want to try playing musical chairs at any important meeting.

916. Whenever dealing with Tremere, watch carefully for any unusual type of dress, like, say a blue ribbon around the neck. Then, start wearing the same thing around them. If asked, deny you started doing anything different. Keep it up for a while. Always eye them suspiciously. After about a month of this, start carrying something that looks like a LOT like a stake, wrapped in tissue paper. Only when you are around them. Always eye them suspiciously. Then, one day, show up on their doorstep with the tissue paper wrapped thing and unwrap it in front of them. Pull out flowers and offer them as a symbol of your love. From then on follow them around like a puppy. Never leave them alone again.

917. Go into a drive through backwards, order money at the speaker. "I would like to get two dollors. I'll be paying with a big mac." (Of course they will think you are ordering a big mac.) When you drive up to the window ask for you money, when they don't give it to you throw bologna at them.

918. In New Orleans drive a Marte Grads Float around following the prince all the way up to the Prince's house. (They love this.)

919. Drive a psychiatrist to insanity, despair and ultimately suicide. (Bonus points for shortest time between deaths, huge extra bonus points for getting a psychiatrist to drive _his_ psychiatrist to despairing suicide.)

128 920. Steal a Ravnos. Literally.

921. Send all of the primogens a parcel to their meeting this week. Inside they will each receive pictures of themselves and other local Kindred in the most obscene pictures (all computer aided of course) and a ransom note saying I know what you all are doing and to keep me quiet I want 10,000 dollars or I will release the video tape to the press and police with a complete description of their actions.

922. Purchase Dracula cape and plastic teeth. Wearing these, and without using Disciplines, see how many people you can convince that you are a vampire. Children count half. Other Kindred count double.

923. Get a few friends. Dress up as an old style chain gang. Make lots of rubble. Start with city hall ot the Prince's house.

924. Take a few antacids, Drink a bit of water, Eat a lot of live goldfish very shortly before a meeting. Walk inb with a fishbowl filled with water. Introduce everyone to your new pets by inducing vomiting.

925. Threaten someone that you are going to "rearrange their face". Use fleshcraft to do so.

926. Call everyone mommy. Everyone. Even yourself.

927. Go to a few libraries and rearrange all the books, remembering that they do not have to go in the library where you found them.

928. Take a very strong magnet (the kind used to spin radar dishes is small enough and powerful enough to use effectivley) Go to one of those new businesses that stores "safe" backups for other area businesses. Erase everything. Be sure to destroy the originals first.

929. Fake Touret's syndrome for a while. Tell the prince what you think of him.

129 930. Fake a new accent every day, have handy stories to maintain you really are from that location. Maim all who do not beleive you.

931. Dig up Elvis and, using strings, give him one last performance in Las Vegas. Sing the songs yourself, and do not make any attempt to sound like Elvis at all.

932. One night, go around the ciry and kill the pet's of everyone you find walking a dog. Dominate them into walking the dog around untill they drop from exhaustion, singing the song "Dead Puppies Aren't Much Fun". Explain to them this is very important, and anyone trying to stop them must be killed.

933. Dominate a Semedi into walking around a medical convention. Scream "I did it! I did it! He's Alive!" and just disappear, leaving the poor soul there.

934. (You must live (exist in a state of deadness?) in a rural place for this one.) Dominate a Ventrue. Use him to castrate all prime breeding thouroughbred horses near you. (BITE ) Maybe have him/her swallow all the testes so they vomit them up later. Release him/her. Make sure they know they were drinking the blood from horse testes.

935. Get mugged. Refuse to submit. Refuse to lower yourself to violence. Refuse to allow the mugger(s) to in any way impinge on your rights, freedom or actions.

936. Collect muggers. Tie them all together. Put the whole bundle (conscious) in the Police Station's parking lot.

937. Opening scenes of The Terminator. Let one of every Nth gang get away, naked of course. Whether they're all the same size or have a vast range of sizes in up to the prankster.

938. Addams Family: "Is it made with real lemons? ... I'll buy some of your lemonade if you'll buy some of my girl scout cookies." "Are they made with real girl scouts?" (Need I say more?)

130 939. Use fish instead of gambling chips. Insist the currencies are non- interchangeable.

940. Listen to Tom Lehrer's "Be prepared." Demonstrate. Female friend for last few lines recommended.

941. Fleshcraft Pamela Anderson to look like Cindy Crawford. Fleshcraft Cindy Crawford to look like Michelle Pfeiffer. Fleshcraft Michelle Pfeiffer to look like Claudia Schiffer ...

942. Fleshcraft a load of junior high kids to look like whoever's in all their posters ... mixed school or single-sex, your choice.

943. Silicone breast-enhancement. Fleshcraft. Oops.

944. Fleshcraft both members of a sleeping couple to look like other people. Give them memories of some orgy or something. Recording the conversation optional.

945. Find a fox-hunt. Arm yourself and mount up. Destroy the vicious murdering creatures... shotgun for the hounds, lance and saber for the riders.

946. Fish. Is it possible to replace every syllable in someone's vocabulary with "Fish," and would s/he still make sense?

947. Track down and kill all but one member of the casts of as many TV shows as possible. Creativeness in dealing with Forever Knight and K:tE scores extra.

948. Dominate a totally sober man into being totally drunk. Tail him until the police pull him over. Marketting a new breathalyser is a nice embellishment.

949. LARP sites and clubs sometimes give points for role-playing skill. Help a few of the less willing to overcome their reluctance in this matter. Even better, help the entire party. What you do to the

131 "monsters" is up to you...

950. Fleshcraft a man to look like Cindy Crawford, but leave his You-know-what on. Dominate him into believing he really is a woman, a very horny woman. Send him to a single's bar. Watch and wait.

951. Go to the top of the Empire state building. see if dropping quarters on people really does kill them. Substitute people for quarters if it's not working

952. Septic system, air compressor, Prince's pool.

953. Make a drum set out of the guys from Poison using Vissectitude. Think John Bohnam.

954. Drano, food coloring, blood bank

955. Shave a Garou and turn him into a ghoul. Drop him in the middle of a Gangrel meeting.

956. Get a pure silver pie tin filled it with crazy glue and put some whipped cream on top. Then go over to the nearest garou and ask if he wants pie. Don't let your generosity be denied.

957. Know that annoying Toreador primogen? Crazy glue his butt cheeks together, while at the same time having a charity auction at his haven (auctiong off all his belongings and haven of course) to benefit a Garou backed charity.

958. Bored with being the Prince of a city that doesn;t appreciate your management talents? Fire your primogen. Hire replacements fomr a temp agency.

959. If another Caineite decides to try and oust you, begin campaigning to stay in office. Put flyers around the city saying "Vote for [insert name here] for Prince of the City!". Make grandisoe campagne promises. Resort

132 to slanderous TV ads only at last resort.

960. Fast-food trick: ask for a Big Mac with no lettuce, no cheese, no sauce, no pickles, no onions, no bun and no meat. Pay for the burger and leave.

961. Start by removing a door from inside the house (the prince's of course). Then Obfuscate, and leave to get a replacment door. Installing the new door in place of the old, de-activate Obfuscate. Now try walking thru the solid door. When someone asks what you're doing, tell them that you imagined the door into existance, but can't make it go away, or exercise any control over it; it behaves like a REAL door.

962. Find out the route of the torch runner through your area. One well placed water ballon should do the trick nicely. Watch the fun as they must get a special flame to relight the torch. Keep doing it for as long as you can.

963. Get a friend to help you with this one. Obfuscate to like the Torch bearer and have your friend obfuscate the real runner invisible. Take everyone on your own more exciting route instead of that boring one through the city! The possibilites abound.

964. "Fix" the main torch at the games site so that no matter what, it won't light. Watch the fun abound.

965. Find a pedestrian-only section of street with lots of shops along it, surrounded by tall buildings (Sydney's Pitt St Mall and New York's Rockerfeller Center come to mind...). In the middle of late-night shopping, basejump from one of the buildings into the crowd (sans parachute, of course...). Lay in a crumpled and bloody heap for a few seconds, heal up and ask everyone for a sticking plaster.

966. Find the local Prince's haven and put a 'Moose Crossing' sign on

133 either side of the road out front. Then fill an 8'-tall inflatable moose with cement and leave it on the road. Works best where mooses aren't exactly thick on the ground (like Beijing). Wait for the look on the Prince's face when injured moose-victims stagger to his front door to use the phone and police and media turn up to interview him (esp. if he is Lasombra). Bonus points if attempted in Greenwich Village, and it causes a mystery cult to start up (Hermetic Order of the Cement Moose -- has a distinct Tremere ring to it.)

967. Make bullets with a small piece of pork in them. Then go and shot muslems in the arm/leg and tell them they're going to hell.

968. Get some plastic fangs--the really cheap and fake looking kind. One night, find a lone pedestrian on a deserted street. Put on the fangs, sneak up on them, and bite them on the neck. When they scream, hold up your hands in disalarm. Take out the fangs, hand them to them. Then smile at them with your real teeth and obfuscate.

969. [Ed. Note: Very long prank.] First, you go to your local pet store and buy 6 ferrets (or go to the zoo and get real weasels). then you take them home and you sedate them. Next go to you local mini mall and pick up the rest of the supplies: -electric hair clippers -spray paint (assorted colors) -a beret (the french-type hat) -body piercing gun (studs and rings as well) -super glue -paint brush -large strike-anywhere match -gold underwear (weasel sized) -buisiness suit jacket and tie (weasel sized) -magician's top hat and bow tie (also weasel-sized.) -lumber jacket (weasel sized again) -lage pair of scissors -large u.p.s. box -six pencils -ball of string -envelope with overseas stamps

134 -pen -cards (blank greeting type) -old magazines/newspapers

Go home. Take the first weasel and shave most of its hair off. No need to be too careful. Take the spray paint and paint it assorted pukey colors. Set it aside. Take the next weasel and shave its hair into a mohawk, pierce it ears, nose, genitals ect. spray paint a big "a" in a circle on its back and then set it aside. With the third weasel spray paint both its front paws and super glue the paint brush to one and glue the beret to it head. Put it with the other two finished ones. Take the next weasel, put the buisness jacket , tie and the gold underwear on it and set aside. Next weasel: place lumber jacket on it and set aside. Now with the last weasel cut off its balls with the scissors and place them in the envelope. address it "Council of Seven, Vienna". Lick envelope closed and place in mail box. Go back home. Glue top hat on head of butchered weasel and glue match to its front paw. Place bow tie around neck and use the spray paint to draw an archaic symbol on the weasel's face.

Embrace each weasel one at a time and immediately stake each one with a pencil (they'll be pissed so don't let them get away). Place staked weasels in UPS box and glue tops of pencils to top of box. If box is too big, glue string to pencils then top of box. Now, make up some little notes stating "the weasels are coming" (use ransom note style- cut-out letters so they won't know your handwriting) and send them to random members of your Camarilla. Now go dominate some hapless UPS guy into delivering the package in the middle of next court. Add extra paperwork just to piss off the prince. Make sure to make the return adress the Tremere chantry (or blame any clan you don't like). When the prince or other important omnipotant being opens the box, thus unstaking

135 the weasels, they will fly out of the box thirsty for blood. You have now introduced some good old-fashined fun and chaos into an otherwise stufy and dull court. When asked who is responsible, respond adamantly that the fairies did it. You may also want to dominate or otherwise convince some others to agree with you.

970. Embrace a Jehovah's Witness. Now Dominate the memory of the embrace away and keep him at his old job. Rather fanatically.

971. Go to a local hospital, find someone in a full body cast or traction. Dominate them and tell them that when the clock strikes a certain time, they are to get up and dance! They can not stop until they have danced. Should make the nurses job a bit more fun.

972. While you're in the Hospital, stroll down to the ICU burn unit. Replace all the sterile water they use on burn vitims to clean away the dead skin and the burns with rubbing alcohol.

973. Go to the airport. You know those nice bright flashing lights they have on the poles at the end of the airport boundries? Steal two of them. Go home, get a car battery or two. Wire the lights to a trigger switch. Make a harness to wear the lights on your body and buy an exceptionally large trench coat. Obfuscate to look normal. Set the trigger switch to set off the lights at full intesity when you open your trench coat. Now go give a new meaning to "Flashing".

974. A high level of scrounging is needed for this one. Having trouble with those pesky Tremere? Well, find out where the chantry is and when they're having the big Annual Bake sale and Magic show. Get airial photgraphs of the location. Sneak out of town to a nearby city (in this case, since the game was set in NYC, the prankster went to Boston). Now using you scrounging abilities, find a 747 or some plane that

136 makes a shuttle run back to your home city (You know NY to Boston once on the hour..) (By the way level 4 scrouning says you can find a 747 on an hour's notice). Find the one plane that will be landing about 30 minutes after sunrise and get the Captains name. Go find him and dominate him to bring the rest of the crew to you one at a time. Dominate all of them to your will. Mesmerize the cockpit crew to have "engine trouble" within range near the chantry location and to make sure that all of the readings will be consistant with engine failure (after all, the black box is recording this!!). Instruct them to time things right so as to crash the plane right on the chantry location. Oh yes, be sure to dominate them into forgetting what you look like (better safe than sorry). Sit back and watch the show. No more Tremere problem. It is strongly reccomended that you have a ghoul or your sire look like you and be seen about the town that night, just to be safe.

975. Only for the truly reckless. Go to the airport and try to sneak through the metal detector with an M60,.50 caliber machine gun. Try to get it through without Obfuscate. Convince security it's your video camera and that you're a combat photographer on assignment. Use dominate as a last resort. See how far you can get. Bonus points if you actually get on the plane.

976. Bring your own cannnon (or similar weapon) to a performance of the 1812 Overture.

977. Find a Bible Studies Class in a Christian school, dominate the teacher into praising the merits of: The Necronomicon, Crowley's Book Of The Law, The Delicate Maul of Bright Shadows, you get the idea. Bonus Points if you can get the Pope to do this.

137 978. Walk into a House of Mirrors, cover your eyes, set off a flare.

979. Find a white male member of the Inquisition and tip him off about "a vile undead posing as a prominent Rabbi." Make sure there's at least one video camera on hand.

980. Dominate a Tremere into telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, stake her and leave her on the doorstep of an Arcanum Chapterhouse.

981. Play bagpipe solos in your local library.

982. This one requires Obfuscate and lots Vicissitude. Find a movie theatre, turn invisible and stand in front of a screen showing a horror movie. Assume the Horrid Form. At an appropriate moment, appear and start chasing the audience.

983. Throw chickens into a mosh pit.

984. Use Mask Of A Thousand Faces or Fleshcraft to make yourself look like the Prince. Suck helium and give orders.

985. Find a shopping mall with a large fountain. Drop some Cesium in it and run.

986. Mow as many lawns as possible and fill the princes haven with grass clippings. If possible, include a cow, goat, or other grazing animal.

987. Hire a Mariachi band for the next Toreador Social.

988. Make a ghoul goldfish and take it for a walk. (With thanks to my friend Cloak, check out his pages: Winterholm and Autumn Glen)

989. Find a popular priest (the religion doesn't matter) and use Dementation on him/her just before a sermon.

990. Enlist the aid of someone with Animalism. Send a flock of

138 Parrots to disrupt a music festival.

Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate enough to have opened the tenth part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.

Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...

Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in fun, twisted as it may be.

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The Prankthology, Part Ten of Five

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991. This one works best with Animalism. Train a seagull to aim properly and go looking for good targets.

992. Yell "Speak up!" at Mimes. Do it until it works.

993. Befriend the local Anarchs and escort them to the next Ventrue Board Meeting.

994. Play Chainsaw Tag in a crowded mall.

139 995. Hire snipers to break up the next NRA meeting.

996. Bring a huge cross to the next Pagan festival.

997. Wear lots of Orange on St. Patrick's Day. (With thanks to Mohan)

998. Walk into a typical Coffeehouse and tell all the Goths to cheer up.

999. Kidnap someone and force them to listen to a looped album of elevator music.

1000. Use Mask of a Thousand Faces or Fleshcraft to look like Tupac and blame the killing on a prominent music critic.

1001. Make yourself look like O.J. Simpson, call a press conference, and confess.

1002. Go to Prague and replace the big statue of Stalin with a 3- meter stature of Michael Jackson (oops, too late).

1003. Go to a Slayer concert, bring a powerful sound system and lots of Disco music.

1004. Find an uptight, anal creature of the night (not too hard) and fill their haven with laughing-clown dolls.

1005. Find someone who looks symptathetic and helpful, run up to them, act panic-stricken, and explain your problem (which needs immediate attention) in Aramaic.

1006. Drain someone's swimming pool and replace it with illusionary water.

1007. Send a message to the Arcanum explaining that every true detail about vampires can be found in the movie Lost Boys.

1008. Go to a performance of Peter Pan, shoot Tinkerbell, and clap your hands until she comes out of a coma.

1009. Find a meeting of the IRA and leave a sound system in the

140 ventilation shaft with a loop tape of "God Save The Queen".

1010. You know thjat old flaming dog of dog crap on the doorstep trick? Substiture C-4.

1011. [Here's a prank story of a Malk annoyed with his sire and wanting to have some fun at others' expense.]

"Dear Dad, This is hard for me to say, so I'll just say it...I'm Gangrel. Now I know this comes as a surprise, but hear me out. All along I suspected I was different.. My love for animals, my want of transforming so I can fly, and so on. Ever since I saw Holling give me those big red eyes, I knew it was only a matter of time before I would finally come out of the closet and let the undead world know that your son was coming to terms with what he truly was...Gangerl. I knew I was finally living up to my true emotions when I joined GALA (Gangrel and Lupine Alliance). Please don't be angry or saddened by my admitting this, I know you saw it comming. I just hope you understand, and help grandpa understand, that this is what I am.

Love, your son Leo xoxoxo"

"Holling" is one of the Gangrels in the party. "Grandpa" is his sire's sire - Jack the Ripper! and Jack's a total insomniac with a very grim sense of humor. After he sent this letter He began telling everyone he was Gangrel and said Holling was his sire. Holling has begun to look over his shoulder just in case someone thinks he may have sired without permission. Leo has embarassed Holling to no end as his "childe".

Leo has also learned all the Gangrel Clan disciplines and has put them to interesting uses. With earth meld - he has grabbed people and melded into the ground with them and them left them there. With protean he turned into bat formm, flew to Central Park, scooped up horse dung, and bombed the Ventrue club because he got thrown out. Once in mist

141 form, he hid inside the other Gangrels pet Husky (Three guesses as to how he got his mist form in the dog!).

1012. Substitute Nair for shampoo.

1013. Go to every toy store in town and buy as much Silly Putty as you can get. Buy a couple of telephone cords (the curly ones you plug into the handset.) Buy some sort of travel clock or a digital times. Last but not least, buy a very popular type of carry on bag. Shape the silly putty into bricks, plug the phone cords into the bricks, then attach them to the clock. Go to a local airport and swap bags with someone who has an identical one. Enjoy the show.

1014. Carve computer-generated ripples in the surface of a main highway, and when vehicles pass over them, mysterious voices whisper and distant music plays. Two ripple-tracks, one for each tire, should give stereo sound.

1015. Build a battery powered Tesla Coil, clip it to your belt and run a wire out to an argon-filled mylar sphere. When turned on, the wire will grow a large blazing white ball of lightning filaments. Run screaming through the night chased by a ball of lightning in a hardly- noticeable clear bag. Charred, smoking clothing would be good too. Ahhhhhh! It's biting meeeee!

1016. Ever seen a kick me sign? Diablorize me. On a well hated Tremere. Someone might take him up on it.

1017. As above, only with "I suck for Blood".

1018. So the Prince/Primogen/Sheriff/Whatever has a REALLY good body? Wait 'till there's a court meeting. Establish eye contact. Dominate. "Strip!"

1019. Write a REALLY hot letter. Include farm animals, small

142 wooden objects and the jaws of life. Seal it, and give it to a Neonate trying to climb up the social ladder. (Bonus points if you Mask to look like the Nosferatu Primogen at the time.) Dominate the Neonate into giving the letter to someone important of the same sex. (Male works best, because they're soooo easy to upset in such matters...). Have the Neonate swear the letter is from them.

1020. In an LARP for some OOC fun, Obfuscate and make faces at people you don't like. They can't see you, remember? Make bunny ears.

1021. Get a pair of REALLY cool shades. (Bonus points for the palm trees!). Get a stuffy Ventrue. Dominate the Ventrue to wear the shades.

1022. Mesmerize can be fun, fun, fun! Come up with a conspiracy theory. Mesmerize people to suddenly scream "COWS!" when they hear the word "Gangrel". Could the Gangrel really be a strange half-breed of were-cow?

1023. Telepathy can also be fun, fun, fun! Wait 'till there's political unrest. Obfuscate. Walk up to the Prince. Tell her that she's going to die. Repeat to all Primogen. Now find a near-frenzyed Brujah who hates the Prince. Start stirring up unrest. Obfuscate again. Whisper about how paranoid the Elders have been lately. Gee, what could they be up to that they don't want the Brujah to find out about? See if you can't make your litle prophesy furfill itself.

1024. For all you handsome young males out there, wait until a chick with great legs is wearing a short skirt. Obfuscate. Lie down under her and get a really, really, really good view. Make sure she's in a large crowd of very important people, and is trying to impress them! Okay, now

143 make yourself visable.

1025. Ghoul a random mortal and tell everyone that s/he is your childe. See how horribly you can get everyone ELSE to break the Masquerade around him/her. Demand a blood hunt.

1026. [Prank story...]

The sheriff of the city was being rather annoying and violent, and this wonderful low power Nosferatu had to take him out somehow. However was he going to do it?

He waited until the Sheriff made a mistake... in this case, killing a werewolf hunter (right place, right time, wrong species) right in the middle of a park where a lot of vampies were meeting with Potence (!!!). Well, this nossie masked himself to look like the sheriff, then mugged three wives of the policemen investigating the case. He used his media to push the story through.

1027. [More on the above story...]

Same sheriff... Wants my character dead. (Who can blame him? She's been caling his hair a mop from day one). There are rumors of Sabbat contacts in the city, which the sheriff is trying to track down. THis character has friends with underworld influences, so that whenever he follows a trail, it mysteriously leads back to him. At this point, she dominates him so that whenever it does he'll remember a new memory associating himself with the Sabbat. (Although never directly).

At the same time, she goes to the Tremere, and dominates one into having a "vision" (via "spirit's touch") next time he touches the sheriff. The "vision" is of him doing nasty sabbat-like things (although again, never directly is it mentioned). She then goes to the Tremere primogen and implants a suggestion that when she next hears of trechery

144 associated with hte sheriff, she'l get VERY angry at him and do anything in her power to destroy him... So far so good.

In the meantime, my character uses her law influences to break the sheriff out of jail (see abovemencioned mugging) as a gestuer of good will.

Now, almost all the strings are closed.... But there are two more suggestions to implant. One of my characters personalities starts hinting that she knows something about this whole sabbat deal. One of the nossies begs her for info. She gets a boon out of him, then comes to him the next week looking nervous and jittery and tells him that she's stuck her nose too far in and is pulling out before she gets herself baked... and that he should be doing hte same thing as well. As she's leavnig, she turns and remarks in an offhand way: "Oh, and watch your sheriff."

Now that all the seeds are planted, it's time to water them. In the next meeting, I plan wait until the sheriff's past crimes against the masquerade (The killing and poor cover-up, the subsequent muggings, his refusal to leave town...) are brought up, and then, in a mournful voice while shaking my head, remark: "It's almost as if he WANTS to break the masquerade." Of course, I plan to get a couple narrators to OOCly remind the players beforehand what the first sign of a sabbat invasion is...

1028. New Game: "Kick the Caitiff." Fun for the whole clan!

1029. Another New Game, using Fleshcraft. "Pin the tail on the Gangrel." Using a Lupine tail. I suggest that you throw in some Obfuscate as well when fuzzy finds out where his tail is.

1030. Assamite hunting you? No problem! A little Fleshcrafting, a little Dominating and presto! Someone who looks like you and thinks that he is you. Let the assassin kill off your double, then show up at his haven

145 and tell him that he did a very poor job. Bonus points for showing him how it's really done.

1031. Ever noticed the people that seem to park their vehicles in the handicapped spots illegally? Arrange it so they can park there legally.

1032. Or, for those people who think that they can double park their vehicles because the own a Mercedes...get a couple of Brujah buddies (The big bodybuilding kind with Potence to spare) to place the car upside down. A few miles away from where the car was to begin with.

1033. Take a large amount of pure sodium (Raid a high school chemistry lab if necessary). Sprinkle it all over the Prince's front lawn. Turn on the sprinklers. Relocate to another country after the explosion.

1034. Replace all the lasers in a laser tag arena with real guns. Sit back and enjoy all of the lovly expressions of the faces of people when they realize that their friends are not getting back up in 5-6 seconds.

1035. Get some of your buddies. Reinact the Rodney King beating several times, several different places, have fun, switch roles, let the single black guy beat up a dozen cops. Bonus points for being caught on tape. Enjoy the headlines and riots the next day.

1036. Dress up as Darth Vader, get a sharp sword and lots of those little, red glow sticks and put 'em together. Walk around randomly cutting off peoples hands, then in a mean voice with lots of heavy breathing tell them your their father.

1037. Wait for a Gangrel to earth meld. Make mud. Find a 'Tor e a dork' who's into pottery and tell them you have a gift for them because you're sorry for all the bad nasty things you've done to them. Give them the mud. Watch the fun.

146 1038. Put liquid esxtacy in humdifiers.

1039. (Prank recipe)

Requires: 2 x malkavians 1 x ambulance and ambulance crew 1 x large city with several hospitals Fleshcraft, bonecraft, (Driving is optional, but greatly prolongs the fun.)

Obtain an ambulance crew. This can be easily done by causing a major traffic accident and taking one of the crews which arrive.

Knock out/Dominate the crew and keep them somewhere safe for the night (be careful not to break them, you need them later.)

Fleshcraft yourselves to look like the ambulance crew and start answering calls. Very few of the accident and illness victims you pickup will be gruesome enough to be really fun for the hospital staff. Make good this deficit on the way to the hospital. Oh, by the way, there's no need to interrupt your fun by actually escorting patients into the hospital and filling out those long forms. You have done your duty simply getting them there. Tip them out by the main doors and head off.

You may find that it pays to use different hospitals after the first couple of deliveries, as avoiding the roadblocks and armed police can be tedious.

In addition, you may find that the ambulance service will cease to transmit the loaction of patients in need of your services. No problem - remember, there are accidents waiting to happen everywhere. Help them.

Finally, near dawn/when you become bored/have drunk too much blood, retrieve the original ambulance crew (you _did_ keep them safe, didn't

147 you?). Dominate them to have no memories of any events that night. Put them in the ambulance and let them drive back to base unharmed. After all, you can't be cruel _all_ the time.

1040. Musical chairs with C-4.

1041. Dress up as great white hunter ala Elmer Fudd style, go out were-moose hunting, with an elephant gun or a light anti-tank weapon. (what you categorize as were-moose is up to you) Now everytime you shoot at something and miss, blame it on the invisible were-moose that got in the way.

1042. (you may need friends for this one) go to a junior HS and fleshcraft all the boys into looking like Beavis or Butt-head, now dominate them all into going to the opening night of the Beavis and Butt- head movie. bonus point if you can fill the whole theater with them.

1043. Dominate Chicken Willy.. err. I mean Bill Clinton into confessing to everything to do with Whitewater during his inaugural speach. Bonus points for having him stop in the middle to take hits off a bhong.

1044. Dominate Tipper Gore into attending a 2 live Crew concert, complete with press coverage of the event.

1045. Convince a Toreador antitribu that has vicissitude that he's Picasso and that the kin are his canvas. Now follow him around and enjoy the fun.

1046. Dominate a Baali into believing that Barney is the lord of all demons.

1047. "A massive power outage seemed hit Boston earlier tonight, darkening all but a select group of windows. The windows appeared to be in a pattern that would read 'I NY'"

1048. Fill the fountain at Washington Square Park in NYC with lime green

148 Jello and Vodka.

1049. Share your pilfered blood bags with your friends, but keep another filled with raspberry syrup just in case.

1050. Break into another character's get-away car and replace the engine with a gerbil wheel.

1051. Use Telepethy and Dominate to carry on conversations with other people using another's mouth. Divulge information only you know about the person. Should get some interesting looks and reactions.

1052. (For the discriminating Malk Prince...) Read a list of names and saying the following people will NOT be diablerized today. Then call off all the names except one and when they bring it up say 'oh.. I guess you're right.. I didn't call your name.'

1053. Use Dominate to make a drunken Gangrel sing an operatic version of his very own theme song which consists of his name quoted over and over and over again.

1054. You know that Tremere with the Toledo saber with an anti- Kindred ward? Glue it to its sheathe, making for a very irritating situation in the next combat.

1055. Paint stylish red flames on your favorite Toreador's sleek black sportscar.

1056. Shave the Gangrel's pet wolf to look like a poodle.

1057. (Prank story...) In an emergency, the Sheriff (a Toreador) and Seneschal (a Malkavian) of the city had to boost the Ventrue Primogen's car to run off and rescue someone. Seeing that it was for a good cause, the Ventrue Primogen simply asked for them to replace the stolen vehicle. The Malkavian brought back an identical car in perfect condition, but when the Primo's ghoul

149 opened up the car to check it out, he was assaulted by the horde of weasels the Malk had put in there.

1058. Know that annoying Gangrel who constantly scoffs at you? Pave over his Earth Meld spot during the day.

1059. Seal everyone inside the Elysium and re-enforce the windows with some form of plexiglass. This will result in a lot of toasted kindred (there are a LOT of windows). See who uses who for a shield.

1060. You've probably seen dirty cars in which some semi-literate goon has written "wash me" in the dirt. Same idea, only use a key and write "paint me", preferably on a nice new, shiny, pristine car. Particularly good on that new Ferrari the Ventrue Primogen refused to let you borrow.

1061. Disassemble a motor-cycle being and re-assemble it into industrial looking scupltures of characters from 'Saturday Night Fever'.

1062. Rent a crop-duster and bomb a Tremere chantry with chalk.

1063. Follow the Toreador promogen around for three weeks having his car towed every place he parks.

1064. Fill the basement of a public haven with lime jello.

1065. (Prank story...) He spent about three months (and several hundred thousand dollars) strategically placing ceramic tiling and steel plates about the buildings around his apartment and the rave... finally, on a night when the club had a particularly large crowd and was being particularly loud, he got some Malk friends of his to set up speakers _all around_ the building he lived in, attached all of them to a single receiver, attached the receiver to a single-disc CD player, and turned the entire monstrous unit on very, very softly...

150 ...then turned it up a bit... (not having started the CD, of course) ...cued the CD to the second song and put it on pause... turned the speakers up to the point where he could hear them, then turned them up so that his ceramics and steel started to vibrate. He pressed "play".

The buildings for two blocks in any given direction became a giant sounding-board for "Birdhouse in your Soul". He had turned the plates, tiles, and volumes just right so that none of the buildings suffered any ill effects.

The rave moved. He had a peaceful rest of the Chronicle.

1066. Got a real hick in your coterie? Let him know you know his true colors by Dominating a ghoul to paint the back of his neck red.

1067. Coterie got you down with all that psycho-Rambo-crap when all you want is pschyo-love-and-fun? Dominate a ghoul to replace all their ammunition with rubber bullets.

1068. As you know, the night before the big Thanksgiving Day parade they inflate those giant ballons. GO HUNTING! Take out as many of the ballons as you can. A large caliber weapon is recommended. Watch the fun as they will try to repair them. Keep it up as long as you can.

1069. Only for the truly reckless: Take out the ballons DURING the parade. Sun Block 1,000,000 highly recommended.

1070. Only for the truly deranged: As per #1068: Steal all the Helium tanks and refill them with Hydrogen. Then go ballon hunting with tracer ammo (Can you say Hindenburg?).

1071. Only for the Utterly demented: As per #1070, BUT during the parade instead. This will really keep everyone on their toes.

1072. Find out where an Elvis convention is. When awards are

151 given out, unobfuscate as Elvis, take the award, announce that you are the only King, and then obfuscate and escape leaving everybody shocked.

1073. Obfuscate as Jesus in a church revival that's overfilled in the spirit. Give an announcement and then leave obfuscated.

1074. Break into the place where SAT, ACT, TASP, and IQ are graded. Rig the scantron machines causing them to make dum be smart and smart be dum.

1075. Paint thinner, a hammer, and a Toreador's haven. Need I say more?

1076. Orange slices and luchmeats do interesting things to car paint.

1077. Next time someone says you've lot your marbles, collect as many small spheres as you possibly can, and tightly confine them somewhere unexpected. Refrigerators, closets, and entire rooms full of the little buggers are nice. (This takes LOTS of marbles. Start collecting right away.)

1078. Know a Lick who's proud of their mortal-type cooking? Hairspray on the stove burners will definately add spice to their dinner parties.

1079. Feather pillows and centralized ventilation systems offer many oppertunities.

1080. Fleshcraft and Dominate some poor shmuck into Prince _____. Have him order any Ravnos in the city out of it on pain of Blood Hunt. Watch the news travel. Watch the real Prince get the "Treatment". Be ready to leave the country if it doesn't work.

1081. One word on dealing with any tree-huggers: Herbicide. Be creative. Write messages with it.

1082. Ghoul the local team's cuddly little mascot.

152 1083. Experiment with buoyancy: How long will various casket styles float when occupied?

1084. Crazyglue all sorts of expensive little trinkets to incredibly heavy shelves. Invite some Ravnos over. Watch them try and pocket stuff.

1085. Know someone with incredibly high-quality, expensive wood furniture? Ever wondered if you can ghoul termites and carpenter ants?

1086. Water balloons. Obfuscate. Celerity. Permanent hair dye.

1087. A Blue Blood clothes-horse gone for the weekend? Call up Goodwill and Salvation Army for a clothes pick-up.

1088. Tape Brady-Bunch episodes and Richard Simmons workouts over all of your favorite Kindred's movie collection. Crazyglue the channel knob to CNN or PBS. Destroy the remote. (This may not work as a prank on a fellow Malkie.)

1089. Saran Wrap + Some idiot's coffin + A hair dryer= Layers and layers of shrink-wrapped fun!

1090. Replace a Tremere's occult library with Dr. Seuss and Richard Scary.

1091. Replace a Torrie's priceless poetry collection with Shel Silverstein.

1092. Dominate a Settite into a Girl Scout Troop Leader.

1093. Dominate some girl scouts into thinking a Settite is their troop leader.

1094. Gift someone you hate with a want ad stating: "Single Undead Male/Female, seeks lovers of same sex to become vampiric slaves and help assassinate Prince ______. Call: (their number) For more details. Ask for Sweetie-Buns"

1095. Dominate some city workmen into placing a port-a-potty over a

153 Gangrel's earth-meld spot. Better yet, have them dig a real, old- fashioned outhouse.....

1096. Dominate local Brujah into thinking a new art gallery is a rave. Replace the piped in classical stuff with heavy-duty techno.

1097. Dominate/Dement a Torrie painter into believing all colors are neon purple.

1098. Dominate members of the appropriate clans into thinking they're various members of The Village People...... proclaim the next court to be Disco Night.

1099. Dominate the entire city council into having a toga party in front of the local courthouse.

1100. Obfuscate and sneak into the studio of "Strange Universe" or some other show devoted to the supernatural. Show them what "Strange Occurances" really are...... bonus if it's a live show or has a studio audience.

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Thus ends part the Prankthology, Part Ten of Five. The LAST Prankthology. But wait, what's this? MORE pranks? Why yes, it is! That's right, bozos, bonus pranks. Enjoy 'em while they last.

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1101. Obfuscate, Celerity, a bicycle horn, and a right-wing militia training camp.

1102. Attend a KKK rally. Dominate different Klansmen into thinking they're various civil rights leaders. Bonus points for every Malcolm X and Jesse Jackson.

1103. Obfuscate and choose a direction. Walk in as straight a line as you

154 possibly can. Go over or through anything that gets in your way.

1104. Obfuscate and hang out near a corner with a long light. When it turns red, climb onto the roof of the nearest car and jump up and down a few times.

1105. Same as above, only use Celerity to steal as many car parts as you can. Get several friends together, and turn it into a team competition.

1106. Go to a crime scene, and Dominate the cop with the chalk into playing hopscotch.

1107. Obfuscate in an electronics/computer store. Play with a powerful magnet. (Be sure to get the security cameras too.)

1108. Replace a local baker. Remember "Jack and the Beanstalk?" Bake bread. Replace flour with ground-up bones of Englishmen. Send to any high-ranking English vamps.

1109. Ya know the old shaving cream in the hand and tickle the face while sleeping routine? Good. Now replace the shaving cream with any body organ. (Bonus points for disgusting innards. More bonus points if the body parts are still beating. You may need Serpentis for this one.)

1110. I'm thinkin a of a toy store, a few tickle me elmo dolls, and a whole bunch of C4 explosives. Extra points if you can make the doll say "Sayonara SUCKER" right before it explodes.

1111. I'm thinkin of a toy store and a Tremere who can animate inanimate objects (can you say REVOLT?). Bonus points if the warlock can send the cabbage patch dolls on a kiddie eatting spree.

1112. Throw a "cookout" for all the kindred in the city. Halfway through run in with squirt guns filled with Barbeque sause. Baste everyone in the vacinity, then run like hell. One minute later enter equipped with a

155 flame thrower and begin to ask them if they want regular or exta crispy. (Bouns points if you successfully invite and forget to tell anyone that the the werewolves were coming.) Extra bonus points for surviving. Super bonus points for gaining compliments from the lupines (and still surviving).

1113. Pretreat some charcoal briquettes with liquid oxygen. This makes them the equivalent of a stick of dynamite. Now invite the Prince and Primogen members over for a "concilitory" barbeque. Let the Prince and the most obnoxious Primos have the honor of lighting the grill...

1114. Collect toenail clippings, use your own, someone elses, whatever. Gather enough to fill a car, like a really prissy Toreador's. Fill the car to capacity (if the car has a sunroof - all the better) If the windows aren't tinted, tint them. Should be fun when they open the door. Show them that they aren't the only ones with artistic abilty!

1115. Stick a fake third eye on your forehead. Walk around wearing a T-shirt that says "My Sire reached Golconda and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt."

Yup, you heard right, bozos. Thus ends the Prankthology as I have run it. But Erehwon has graciously agreed to keep it going in his own manner. So please, if you have any new prank ideas, send them his way ([email protected]). I'm getting too old and cranky for this shit, so it's time to quit. I'd like to thank everyone who helped and submitted and hope everyone enjoyed the ride. Good night.

-Johnny, aka Peg Leg Pete

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