Gentle Folk and Sick Bastages. Yup, You Have Been Unfortunate Enough to Have Opened the First Part of the Prankthology
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Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate enough to have opened the first part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green jello, pet your potato, and enjoy. And without too much further ado, I bring you the credits... _________________________________________________________________ ____________ Donald G. Bixler (Oops da Ogre) Kris Blade Michael Bloch Geoffrey Brent (William Gordon) Victor Brueggemann (Victor) Veronica Bulger Butch (Bostch) Stella E. Chambrick Jonathon Conway Jason D. Corley Lea Crowe Andrew Cruse Joshua E. Culbertson (desnoirs) Ren Cummings (Dark Heart) Raven Darksaint (Raven) Doug DeJulio Gregory Ehrendreich Rosanne Fisher Jerome Fouletier Andrew Getting Benjamin Avery Goldstein Paul Haggard (John Dowskin) Josh D. K. Marok Matt Johnny Mayall (Peg Leg Pete) D. McKeeman (Weasel Boy) Andrew C. Murdoch J. Nelson C. Newman (Sableagle) Ken Pat Gaston Phillips Jennifer Santarelli (mistress josephe) Troy Schiemann (The Green Man) Carlo Settineri (Mike Youngblood) Laura Smit (loa lightquencher) Ashley Taft (Ashley) Sean Williamson (Othello) Eric M. Willey (v.a.l. aka Mercy) Chelsea Wood 1 Joe Zubkavich (Abraham Walker) _________________________________________________________________ ____________ The Prankthology _________________________________________________________________ ____________ Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude, and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway... Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in fun, twisted as it may be. _________________________________________________________________ ____________ 1. Cut off the hands of Koko the gorilla (the one that uses sign language). 2. Turn an entire hotel in Las Vegas into Elvis look-alikes. Give them all an intense hatred of Elvis. 3. Go to a parachuting school. Replace parachutes with beach blankets. 4. Turn a good number of the Secret Service into clones of the President. Convince them that they really are. 5. Nab a barber and replace him/her. Give unique haircuts. Use pruning shears and a chainsaw. 6. Blow up the supports of the Eiffel Tower. (Really irritates the Toreador and the French.) 7. Switch smoke grenades with real grenades at an Army Reserve drill session. 2 8. Sneak live ordnance into magazines before a MILES gear exercise. 9. Kill every lawyer who has an ad on TV. (Actually, this should go under the heading of Public Service...) 10. Change headings of major newspaper to read "Prince ________ Molests Bass!" (Thanks to v.a.l. for the inspiration on that one...) 11. Release and heavily arm inmates of a maximum security prison. 12. Stage a public hanging. Have the public trial five minutes later. Have hangees make arguments in their defense. (Be sure to have live news teams present...) 13. Massacre an entire radio station. Call police and announce on the air that a certain song is never to be played again. Punish transgressors. (The song was 'Basketcase'. It let out too many Clan secrets...) 14. Crash a live-televised awards show. Have fun and act like a Brujah. 15. In New York, get a vendor stand. Sell hot dogs with fingers and penises in them. 16. Go to a pet store and get several dozen large tarantulas. Find some poor schlep on the street, and superglue the little critters to him. Drop him off on a busy street corner and yell, "Look, it's Spiderman!". 17. At meetings, whenever any problem is brought up, any problem at all, suggest holding a bake sale to cover the costs. Emphasize that oatmeal raisin cookies will NOT be sold because nobody ever buys them and you are always left with a styrofoam plate covered in Saran Wrap. 18. Call people by each others names. When they correct you, accuse them of switching bodies. Force them to show you PROOF that they are 3 who they say they are. 19. When someone asks who you are, check your ID. You never know. 20. When you're Obfuscated, you can't see anyone. They can't see you, and that's logic. ("Contrariwise.") 21. Speak a language you don't know. English is a twist on this. 22. Rap. 23. Disco. 24. Invite everyone to the S00PER D00PER MONSTER TRUCK RALLY at the Prince's house. Hang around outside and yell for beer. 25. Rip off lines from Firesign Theatre and Negativland. "Oh, you mean NANCY!", "ToNIGHT is THRILL NIGHT!", "guns.", "Passs the Lord and Praise the Ammunition!", "Read me Doctor Memory.", "And we had to throw it awaaaaay.", "Available in three sizes: Little Miss, Moon Maid and Stuck Pig.", "We shust don't have enough dada." 26. Bite the inside of your cheek and yell "OW! Hey, my teeth are really sharp! How did that happen? Tastes pretty good though... Hey wait a minute! That's BLOOD! Gross!" 27. Fall. Don't get up. 28. Bob for french fries. Have another Malkavian lick the salt and grease off your face. 29. Jump back. Kiss yourself. 30. Suck your own blood. Ask the GM if this counts as Diablerie. 31. Ask people how they can stand it. When they ask what, look around and throw up your hands as if it were OBVIOUS, as if it were ALL AROUND THEM. 4 32. Find a Toreador and engage in conversation. Tell him that Shakespeare really wrote three other plays, but that you persuaded 'ole Willy that they weren't any good and got him to burn them. 33. Become a renegade appliance repair specialist (ala DeNiro's character in "Brazil"). Break into people's houses and repair their machinery. Be creative. Use an Etherite's design specs for the Perpetual Motion Quantum Ice Cream Scoop (r) for inspiration. 34. Paint your face green and wear one of those silly pairs of antennae. Take a pistol and glue on little bits of junk. Wander the streets and accost random people, asking them to "Take me to your leader". If they refuse, "zap" 'em. Repeat as necessary until you are taken to "their Leader" (interpret however you wish). Smile and thank Mr. Leader for beaming out reruns of "I Love Lucy" for the cosmos' enjoyment. Get their autograph and promptly disappear (Obfuscate). 35. Dress up like a roadrunner. Run up to a passerby, hand him a lit stick of dynamite, yell "Meep! Meep!", and run off as fast as you can. 36. Hijack an airliner. Head back to the big city. Think skyscrapers. Think Star Wars Death Star trench battle scene. Don't forget to close your eyes and let the Force guide your hand. 37. Practice your ventriloquism. Use Obfuscate to disappear. Go to a popular and fancy restaurant. (Bonus points if the restaurant is part of the Elysium and/or a Primogen member's favored hangout.) Find people who have ordered their steaks medium-rare. Give a unique performance of "Old MacDonald". 38. Get one tied-up Nosferatu. Put a mask on 'em. Go to a showing of Phantom of the Opera. Unmask him on stage and shoot him 5 repeatedly when he tries to run. Watch for reactions when he gets back up and runs away again. (You might have to shoot an actor to convince the audience that the bullets are real.) 39. Replace doctors in an ER. Try real hard to do well. Tie up real doctors and let 'em watch. Ignore screams. Arriving cops become candidates for gall bladder removal. (Loone, are you sure the gall bladder is in the head?) 40. Kill every 'Smith' in a large town. (This may take some doing, so only hard-working Malkies should try this one.) 41. Go muddin' in the Prince's limo. Tying his favorite ghoul to the hood is strictly optional. 42. Turn Prince into look-alike of Charles Manson. Run like hell. 43. Take a sledgehammer into a house of mirrors. Don't come out for a few hours. And don't come out through any doors or windows. 44. Go to an opera. Show 'em what real Vikings were like. 45. Replace all the children in a maternity ward with chickens. Hoist all the kids from various flagpoles across the city. 46. Put out ad for cheap liposuction. Punish stupidity with a knife and a vacuum cleaner. Volunteer the mayor if there are no takers. 47. Enter a demolition derby. Heavily arm Obfuscated boarding parties. 48. Commandeer multiple cement trucks. Visit the Prince's domicile. Leave town soon thereafter. 49. (Highly difficult. Only for the most experienced sadists.) Get an 18-wheeler with a trailer. Capture and kill Shamu. Deliver to Greenpeace's headquarters with a big bow around him. 6 50. Rob the same bank every night. Start taking furniture when they run out of money. Start taking employees when they run out of furniture. Bonus points to the longest spree. 51. Track down and kill the Brady Bunch just for fun. 52. Set a firehouse on fire. Do it again half an hour after they put it out. All night. 53. Paint big yellow smiley faces all over every billboard in town. Have ghoul snipers kill anyone who tries to paint over them. 54. Replace a boxer in a major fight. Show the world what Potence can really do properly employed. 55. Kill every talkshow host you can during the filming of their show. Take over the conversation. See how many hosts go into hiding. 56. Teach ticket scalpers the true meaning of scalping. Give tickets (glued to scalp) to the poor. 57. Have a good 'ole fashioned book burning at the local government archives building. (Not for squeamish vampires...) 58.