$3 Vicariously We Live While The Whole World Dies $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com April 16th, 2009 [email protected] SAY, WE REMEMBER THESE... Did you actually leap out of bed this sure do. The Flames, against other playoff is that the Flames blueline is butchered. Their morning? Did you find your hands shaking at teams, had a negative -difference to the best defenseman, , is out for the work? Did you honestly consider whiskey for tune of -.59. Their GD was a full goal better series. , another important d-man, lunch to calm your nerves? Did your palms against non-playoff teams. is also struggling. , massively begin to sweat when you threw on your Hawks Let’s put this in terms everyone can overrated when he’s healthy, is playing on sweater, picked up your tickets, and got in understand: The Flames feasted on weaker one leg. This was a team that surrendered 19 the car? Can you even focus enough right opposition, and basically looked like the cop goals in four games to the Hawks. They’re now to read this? We wouldn’t blame you if from Resevoir Dogs when playing quality now going to shut up shop with Fucking An- you couldn’t. It took us five attempts to sit teams. All this points to is that the Hawks are ders Fucking Eriksson logging playoff min- still long enough to write this (though maybe simply a better squad. utes? Okey dokey artichokey.... that’s just the withdrawal). Such is the excite- But Wait, There’s More! When This Is Over And Through ment about tonight’s events. If there was ever We couldn’t believe it either, but There’s still Iginla over there, a night when the UC’s roof might actually tear Steve Rosenbloom hit the proverbial pornstar though. But he’s been so thoroughly in off, it’ll be on this night. in the mouth in his column yesterday. Much ’s pocket all year, he’s prob- Whatever happens tonight, soak up has been made of ’s experience edge, ably stuck to Dunc’s dryer at this . The as much as you can. We used to take this for but quite frainkly, it’s a crock of shit. The Hawks PK still scares us, but the only thing granted, and the day when we do so again Flames experience consists of three first- scarier has been how awful the Flames PP has is probably coming soon (though we’ll never round exits. Only few remain from the Finals been. So what could go wrong? Well, there’s have to beg the opposition’s supporters to run of ‘04, and one of those is the puddle that one thing tonight: In previous charged games take our extra tickets, like Scum are currently is left of Mikka Kiprusoff. Three of their most -- i.e. Hull Mikita Night and the Winter Classic doing). But tonight, after so long away, is an important players, Jokinen, Cammalleri, and -- the young Hawks have come out flying with occasion to be remembered, the night the (yes, he’s an important player everything they’ve got in the 1st. However, Hawks are officially back on the map. Drink it for them, and yes, we had a facial twitch read- after that, they’ve looked like we do when in from the beer bong of life (how’s that for a ing that again) have as much playoff experi- the girl rolls over and asks if you’d like to go metaphor? We’re getting good at this!) ence as your mother does. Sure, the Hawks again, and you realize all that bourbon you Bang And Flame barely have any, but it’s not like the rules drank that night has come back to haunt you. So, how does this all shape up? change and they’re facing a team with mul- There’s nothing left. We know the Hawks are Quite frankly, the Hawks couldn’t have gotten tiple rings. If the Flames get behind in this going to be seriously amped tonight, but can a much better match-up unless the Ice Crew series, it may be a, “Here we go again” feeling they spread it over three periods? But that’s grabbed the 5th seed. When Calgary acquired on their bench, and you can take their experi- only a concern for tonight. The Flames just at the deadline, Bob McKenzie, ence, add it to $2.25, and that should get you don’t have enough. Hawks in 5. Pierre McGuire, and the rest of the slobber- on the bus home. -Peabody and Sherman ing Canadian press couldn’t wait to put down However, the most encouraging part the Molson and be the first to declare that the Flames were now the equal of San Jose and Scum. How’d that work out? Well, let’s see. The Flames proceed- ed to blow a 12-point lead atop the North- west division, haven’t scored on the power play since you were pulling bong-rips in high school, and are so banged up the “C” on their chest stands for crying. All this led up to them landing squarely in the cauldron that will be a series against the Hawks and their fans, a 22,000-strong mob baying for blood. Good times, Calgary. The most encouraging thing we’ve seen about this series appeared in blog from Bird Watchers Anonymous, a Thrashers blog (when your team is that bad, you have a lot of time to crunch numbers about playoff teams). They measured each playoff team’s performance against all other playoff teams in the Western Conference. Where did the Flames finish? Dead last. 21 points behind the Hawks, who gathered 90 points against playoff teams in contrast to Calgary’s 69. Wanna hear more good news? You “There was something I used to do with these, what was it?”

FROM THE EDITOR

I’ve been thinking about writing this editorial for 13 years. That’s -There’s been a fair amount of discussion on our blog on whether the last time the Hawks entered the with a real team, a real buzz, a we should do some sort of red-out in the stands tonight and throughout the real anything. Quite frankly, I don’t know what to say. As my high school playoffs. Quite frankly, I think it’s a ridiculous notion. The only fandom English teacher Bill Duffy -- God bless his soul -- told that should be allowed to do such a thing was Win- me, “Always quote someone, because they said it bet- nipeg, and they started the tradition. The White Sox ter than you.” fans’ blackout was pretty cool, but wouldn’t work So, if St. Louis Gametime will allow me to because, y’know, the puck is black and might confuse do so (actually, it doesn’t fucking matter, I’m going to the hell out of each goalie. and they can’t stop me), I would like to use what Brad But teams and their fans only come up with Lee said on the front page of their issue last Friday, this stuff to try and create an atmosphere that we’re when the Blues eventually clinched a playoff spot, already experienced at creating. Fans in other cities with some Hawks-related corrections. To wit: look longingly at the Anthem and our roar and think of anything to get their comrades up to our level. We “This game, this date with destiny for the don’t need gimmicks or towels or promotions to get Hawks, is for you and me. It’s for the -ticket there. So tell Tommy Hawk to put his fucking drum holders who kept the faith through the lockout, the Sam Fels away. Wear whatever you want. You know when to dismantling of the team, and the non-playoff years. make noise, you know how to intimidate an opposi- It’s for people who showed up on Tuesday nights vs. tion, you know how to get our team going. We don’t Columbus for three years. It’s for people who braved the ice storms on need any help. game nights since the lockout. You diehards, you knew who was here when we were finishing last. You know who you are. This game, this night, -In my thank you’s on Sunday, I forgot one important group. the Hawks make a triumphant return to the playoffs, it’s for us. Bill Wirtz Those would be my vendors. They’ve stood out there with me in ridiculous can’t take it away. It can’t get traded to Phoenix. It can’t blow out its knee. weather, peddling a publication they probably only had a hazy understand- When the team takes the ice, roar. Scream. Yell your bloody head off. ing of at best, and dealing with people who probably scared the ever-loving You’ve earned it.” shit out of them. They did it for a pittance, and without them we never would have gotten off the ground. So thanks to all of you who helped, I’ll Better than I could ever say it. never be able to adequately express my appreciation. PLAYOFFS *late game not included

Eastern Conference Western Conference

#1 Boston #1 San Jose #8 #8 Anaheim

#2 Washington #2 Scum NYR 1-0 #7 #7 Columbus

#3 New Jersey #3 NJ 1-0 VAN 1-0 #6 Carolina #6 St. Louis

#4 Pittsburgh #4 HAWKS PIT 1-0 teams re-seed after first round, with #5 Philadelphia highest remaining seed playing lowest #5 Calgary remaining.

TOP 10 LIST PUCK DROP

Olli Jokinen-Dunderhead, Top 10 Things You Should Know About Calgary, Calgary: First off, doesn’t this 10. They really hate , which is akin to hating a really poor kid who sleeps picture kind of look like a dude in a meat locker who just got caught jerking 9. The whole year is centered around a rodeo called The Stampede, so they’re on off? There’s shock and embar- a cultural level equal to Wyoming rassment in there. Anyway, 8. They’ve won one Stanley Cup, which most believe was solely do to Lanny Mc- as we said on the front page, Donald’s mustache when Olli was brought to 7. One of their residents was silly enough to date the editor for six months. She , everyone wanted to hand the Flames the Cup right now owns many, many guns then. They ignored the fact that 6. They have a CFL team called The Stampeders, where Doug Flutie starred. Ditka he’s a terribly flawed player. still tried to take him to dinner He’s a shoot-first center, and though while big, 5. They hosted the Olympics in 1988. Trent Yawney gave a middling performance, isn’t exactly physical, and much like a drugged up we should have known then hooker, doesn’t have any clue what’s going on in his 4. The Flames play in the Pengrowth Saddledome, whose naming rights really own end. If it wasn’t for his laser-pinpoint , you should be bought by some S&M outfit wouldn’t have ever heard of this guy. But he does 3. Their city was the first to host a speech by former President W. Dumbass. So have it, and that makes him a danger. You’ll also be yeah, they’re totally evil. quite aware of when Jokinen thinks he should get a pass, no one beaver-taps his stick on the ice more 2. Their economy is centered around oil. Yep, still evil. than him. If Cammalleri and he play on the same 1. Nothing more you need to remember, they’ll be gone in five games, anyway. line, they might get into a fight over shots. Blackhawks 46-24-12

Here’s one of our questions heading in: With Sharpie returning, what does that second line look like? Obvi- points in 7 games. ously, Havlat and Daydream Nation are staying together. But a line of Sharp-Bolland-Verstud would seems Since being paired with the kids, Jesus H. has 9 to be short on size and grit. Is Bolland really expected to be the puck-winner on that? Seems an awful big ask. # Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit) 24 R The Perfect 6' 2" 217 27 81 29 48 77 29 30 5 0 5 249 11.6 $6,000,000 88 R 5' 10" 187 20 80 25 45 70 -2 42 13 0 4 254 9.8 $3,725,000 19 C Marvel 6' 2" 209 20 82 34 35 69 12 51 12 0 7 195 17.4 $2,800,000 32 L VerStud 5' 10" 180 22 78 22 31 53 15 55 6 4 3 139 15.8 $491,667 51 D 51 Phantom 6' 0" 188 29 82 7 45 52 5 22 4 0 1 108 6.5 $7,142,875 16 L 6' 2" 198 23 82 15 34 49 26 28 0 0 2 195 7.7 $1,550,000 36 C Dave Bolland 6' 0" 188 22 81 19 28 47 19 52 2 2 4 111 17.1 $845,833 10 L The Sharp-Shooter 6' 1" 197 27 61 26 18 44 6 41 9 0 4 184 14.1 $3,900,000 2 D Duncan Keith 6' 1" 194 25 77 8 36 44 33 60 2 1 1 173 4.6 $1,475,000 25 D 6' 3" 213 22 68 6 34 40 -6 65 5 0 1 101 5.9 $2,768,587 33 R 6' 3" 247 23 77 15 16 31 7 81 3 0 4 202 7.4 $3,000,000 22 R 6' 2" 213 23 69 10 16 26 7 50 4 1 0 126 7.9 $675,000 7 D 6' 3" 220 23 82 8 18 26 23 62 3 1 1 132 6.1 $3,500,000 26 C Samuel Pahlsson 6' 0" 204 31 65 7 11 18 -17 34 1 0 2 88 8 $301,000 46 C Colin Fraser 6' 1" 188 23 81 6 11 17 3 55 0 1 0 67 9 $500,000 55 L 6' 2" 220 24 75 11 4 15 1 161 0 0 0 80 13.8 $568,000 8 D Matt Walker 6' 3" 214 28 65 1 13 14 7 79 0 0 0 83 1.2 $600,000 37 R Adam Burish 6' 1" 189 26 66 6 3 9 3 93 0 0 2 83 7.2 $712,500 23 D Aaron Johnson 6' 1" 211 25 38 3 5 8 19 33 0 0 1 27 11.1 $600,000 4 D Hammer 6' 2" 200 21 21 1 2 3 4 0 0 0 0 15 6.7 $643,000 5 D 6' 1" 211 32 23 1 1 2 -4 8 0 0 1 15 6.7 $2,333,333 *injured Totals/Averages 6’ 1” 202.5 24.4 260 454 14.1/g 70 10 32.7/g 9.4% $44,607,000 Please Q, please please please, this guy in the lineup and not Dolt #8.

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 39 6' 1" 209 36 42 2467 2.33 25 8 7 3 1192 96 .919 0 2 8 $6,750,000 38 6' 1" 205 33 41 2351 2.53 20 15 4 3 1087 99 .909 0 0 2 $5,625,000 Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 35 2.55 46 24 12 6 28.6/g 209 0.910 0 2 10 $12,375,000

TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $57,283,000 CAP SPACE: $274,000* Probable Lines Probable Pairings *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 2 Keith 7 Seabrook 24 Havlat 19 Toews 88 Kane 51 Campbell 4 Hjalmarsson Injury List 10 Sharp 36 Bolland 32 Versteeg 8 Walker/ 23 25 Barker Brent Sopel- Questionable (Talent) Johnson 16 Ladd 26 Pahlsson 33 Byfuglien - Questionable (Knee) 22 Brouwer or 46 Fraser 55 Eager 37 Burish

Committed Indian T-shirts.... calgary flickers 46-30-6

Olli is a -7 in the 19 games he’s been a Flame, which would work out to a cool -47 over a full year. # Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit) 12 R 6' 1" 207 31 82 35 54 89 -2 37 10 0 4 289 12.1 $7,000,000 13 L Mike Cammalleri 5' 9" 185 26 81 39 43 82 -2 44 19 0 6 255 15.3 $3,550,000 21 C Olli Jokinen 6' 3" 215 30 76 29 28 57 -12 67 9 2 3 236 12.3 $1,129,000 22 C 5' 10" 183 32 73 21 28 49 1 20 4 0 3 161 13 $4,500,000 24 C 6' 2" 193 37 82 12 36 48 20 28 0 1 1 104 11.5 $1,050,000 3 D Dion Phaneuf 6' 3" 214 23 80 11 36 47 -11 100 4 0 4 277 4 $6,500,000 7 R 6' 3" 231 33 66 15 29 44 -13 74 6 0 4 127 11.8 $1,950,000 20 L Curtis Glencross 6' 1" 195 25 74 13 27 40 14 42 1 1 3 152 8.6 $1,200,000 17 L Rene Bourque 6' 2" 213 26 58 21 19 40 18 70 0 1 0 149 14.1 $1,350,000 25 R 6' 3" 200 26 81 20 19 39 -5 22 8 0 4 194 10.3 $550,000 33 D 6' 2" 212 35 81 10 24 34 -8 46 3 0 3 126 7.9 $4,000,000 55 D 6' 2" 206 24 83 7 17 24 -15 24 1 0 1 107 6.5 $500,000 16 C Dustin Boyd 6' 0" 187 22 71 11 11 22 -11 10 1 1 3 74 14.9 $741,100 6 D Cory Sarich 6' 4" 207 30 76 2 18 20 12 112 0 0 0 57 3.5 $3,600,000 5 D Mark Giordano 6' 0" 203 25 58 2 17 19 2 59 2 0 0 82 2.4 $861,667 40 D Leopold! Leopold! 6' 1" 200 28 27 8 8 16 2 17 0 0 0 50 16 $323,000 45 C 6' 0" 197 28 60 1 9 10 3 69 0 0 0 38 2.6 $184,000 23 L Eric Nystrom 6' 1" 193 25 76 5 5 10 -7 89 0 1 3 83 6 $687,000 28 D Robyn Regehr 6' 3" 225 28 75 0 8 8 10 73 0 0 0 79 0 $4,020,000 4 D James Vandermeer 6' 1" 211 28 45 1 6 7 1 108 0 0 0 31 3.2 $2,300,000 19 C 6' 4" 225 32 24 0 4 4 -3 14 0 0 0 22 0 $1,400,000 27 R Andre Roy 6' 4" 229 33 44 3 0 3 -1 83 0 0 1 26 11.5 $550,000 59 R David Van Der Gulik 5' 10" 173 25 6 0 2 2 -1 0 0 0 0 11 0 $31,000

Bourque has the third best Behind The Net Rating in league, which lets you know how much he’s improved. * injured Totals/Averages 6' 2" 204.8 28.2 251 327 15.8/g 61 7 32.2/g 9.0% $52,200,000

This is fifth-worst in the league. If the Hawks PP can find itself again, this series could be over quick. # Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 34 6' 1" 184 32 76 4418 2.84 45 24 5 4 2155 209 0.903 0 3 2 $5,833,333 1 Curtis McElhinney 6' 2" 193 25 14 518 3.59 1 6 1 0 280 31 0.889 0 0 2 $500,000 Totals/Averages 6' 1" 198 25 2.57 40 29 10 11 27.9/g 211 .904 0 0 2 $6,333,333 Probable Lines Probable Pairings TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $58,861,000 CAP SPACE: $189,000 Left Wing Center Right Wing 3 Phaneuf 4 Vandermeer *space also affected by buyouts and injured players 13 Cammalleri 21 Jokinen 12 Iginla 55 Pardy 33 Aucoin Injury List 17 Bourque 22 Langkow 7 Bertuzzi 40 Leopold 8 Eriksson Rhett Warrener- Out (Shoulder) Mark Giordano- Doubtful (Shoulder) 23 Nystrom 24 Conroy 25 Moss Robin Regehr- Doubtful (Lower body) Cory Sarich- Questionable (Foot) 20 Glencross 16 Boyd 45 Lundmark Rene Bourque- Questionable (Ankle) Andre Roy- Questionable (Upper body)

...ARE HERE!!!!. CHECK SECOND CITY HOCK- EY.COM FOR DETAILS The Committed Indian’s Guide To Playoff Hockey It’s been so long, we thought you might need a reminder on how your life, and the lives of those around you, will be affected over the coming weeks. Your Family Your Health

Going straight into the toilet, and at times literally. Stress, This is the hard one. Tell your kids that they’d better tape booze, and nicotine do not a healthy person make. Do any recitals or baseball games, you ain’t makin’ it. They try and remember those celebrations of series clinchers have the option of just retelling the story of your absence that go to 4am will mean a couple years off your life at on a therapist’s couch when they won’t move in with their the end. That’s cool, though, you don’t want to be trip- girlfriend at age 23. Explain to your daughter that you’ll ping over your scrotum on the way from the chiropractor. probably forget her name for a couple months. As for It’s a terrible way to live. Stress is the big concern here. your significant other, be prepared to pay for a lot of din- We’ve heard yoga, exercise, and meditation help relieve it, ners over the summer, you’ll have debts to pay. Unless he/ but that’s for Sharks fans. You’ll need straight-up whis- she is just as big of a fan as you are, in which case pre- key. Your liver is going to have a “ Help Wanted” sign by pare for sex after wins that will make you believe Round 2. If the Hawks go through more than one double- in a higher power. overtime game, give up on ever meeting your grandkids. Your Friends Your Boss and Co-workers

Except for the person sitting next to you, here will be your only friends for the next few weeks at least. Your female First off, kindly explain to the boss that if he values the friends will be busy helping your wife finish her divorce stock of his company, he will not put you in front of any papers, or your introducing your husband to Jill from clients for a couple months, as your oh-so manly playoff work. Your other friends will be caught up in the NBA or beard will scare them off, containing leftover sausage using this opportunity to make themselves look good to and perhaps a small woodland creature, as it does. Your their own families by pointing out what a raving moron reeking of booze and tears might only be incidental to said you’ve become, especially after Brouwer shoots a puck , but it’d be better to blame it on that either off his own face in overtime. Face it, from here on out, way. You don’t need a bunch of asswipes telling you the you’re going to see Josh Mora as THE model human be- company health plan covers mental health, though that’s ing, and let Steve Konroyd’s serene voice make you forget not a bad thing to know. Don’t use up sick time early. everything. You’ll think has a decent Your co-workers need to know how utterly useless you’re haircut, and actually knows something. And you’ll be so going to be during the Hawks run. If you play your cards deeply saddened at having to put up with Pierre McGuire right, they’ll let you “work from home” for the duration, for so long you’ll seriously consider suicide. i.e. save themselves of having to smell you. The Fight Card HAWKS vs. FLAMES Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com

GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Black Bruised Just Analysis Nose Eye Ego Dancing 1-4-09 Walker vs. 2nd. Eventful one here, both men throw and land Roy 7:41 some real big shots. Call it a draw, but don’t √ √ call us Shirley 1-4-09 Eager vs. 2nd. Eager takes exception to something resem- Regehr 7:37 bling an elbow, maybe, from Regehr, so he √ takes some fists instead. Regehr in KO. 1-4-09 Fraser vs. 1st. Whatever. Giordano 9:41 √ 11-09-08 Brower vs. 3rd. Brouwer’s first foray into NHL fisticuffs, Prust 2:01 acquits himself nicely with Calgary nutjob √ Prust. But Prust in a decision. 11-09-08 Walker vs. 3rd. A long, drawn -out affair where nothing much Prust 15:11 happens, despite a couple spirited attempts. √ Like drunken sex. Or life. What To Watch For: Well, this is the playoffs, so it’s unlikely anyone’s going to want to step out of line. However, one’s not out of the question, and with as amped as the building will be tonight, something could spill over. The Flames will be determined to assert their supe- rior physicallity, it’s all they have, so maybe Eager or Walker will have to step up to the plate early. Won’t be a payday weekend in Musko- Power Play gee, but there may be a kerfluffle. Kill Team Opp PPG PP% Team OPP PPG PP% Team TS PPGA PK% Team TS PPGA PK% DET 353 90 25.5 TOR 330 62 18.8 NYR 329 40 87.8 VAN 371 69 81.4 WSH 337 85 25.2 VAN 357 67 18.8 MIN 291 36 87.6 WSH 387 75 80.6 SJS 360 87 24.2 CAR 374 70 18.7 STL 357 58 83.8 CHI 330 64 80.6 BOS 313 74 23.6 TBL 343 61 17.8 CGY 349 58 83.4 CAR 301 59 80.4 ANA 309 73 23.6 PIT 360 62 17.2 SJS 306 51 83.3 NJD 324 65 79.9 PHI 316 71 22.5 CGY 358 61 17 PHI 393 67 83 COL 318 64 79.9 BUF 358 75 21 EDM 354 60 17 LAK 362 62 82.9 NYI 361 73 79.8 STL 351 72 20.5 NYI 320 54 16.9 PIT 347 60 82.7 ANA 385 78 79.7 MIN 328 66 20.1 FLA 308 51 16.6 FLA 311 54 82.6 DAL 327 70 78.6 OTT 339 66 19.5 COL 318 50 15.7 NSH 338 59 82.5 DET 327 71 78.3 ATL 357 69 19.3 NSH 318 50 15.7 MTL 370 65 82.4 TBL 405 89 78 CHI 363 70 19.3 DAL 351 54 15.4 BOS 306 54 82.4 EDM 338 76 77.5 MTL 374 72 19.2 PHX 344 50 14.5 CBJ 346 62 82.1 PHX 293 68 76.8 LAK 360 69 19.2 NYR 346 48 13.9 BUF 336 61 81.8 ATL 366 88 76 NJD 307 58 18.9 CBJ 322 41 12.7 OTT 346 64 81.5 TOR 308 78 74.7 Spotlight

Mike Keenan

Should the Flames fall flat on their ass in this round, we very well may have seen the last of this narcissistic jackass behind an NHL bench. After all, there’s hardly any Earth he hasn’t scorched and left for a bigger payday and more mustache wax elsewhere. Whether Keenan stays or goes, he will have a major hand in pretty much fucking the Flames over sideways in the years to come. Here’s a team so mushed up against the cap they couldn’t call up any replacements for injuries late in the year and had to skate short a man, or two, or three. is the GM, you say? As if he isn’t straight out of the Keenan mold, and you better believe he was taking direc- tives from the little general. and Kristian Huselius were shown the door in the summer, they weren’t Keenan players. In came Bertuzzi, Roy, Glencross, and others to fit the Keenan “hit-or-die” mentality. What’d that leave? The Flames had to go out and get more skill in March with Jokinen and Leopold, anyway. We’re sure Flames fans have been thrilled with watching Bertuzzi’s fugitive, lazy ass ooze back to his own zone while the other team is scoring. While Keenan and Sutter were so concerned with getting grit and sand -- like they were building a fucking barbeque pit or something -- other premier teams were worried about skating right around their ass. The Flames record against the other top teams is almost laughable, and it’s no secret why. But Keenan’s biggest mistake has been his handling -- actually, try mauling, or molesting, or straight-up abusing -- of Mikka Kiprusoff. How many years does it take with Kipper stumbling to the end of the season, stepping on in Finnish tongue, to prove he can’t handle 70 games a year? Check out Kipper’s GAA the past three playoffs: 2.24, 2.81, 3.21. Quick, get Bill Peterson in here to see if a pat- tern can be detected. With Jokinen appearing to be the limited player he always was to everyone else, and the Flames d-corps looking like they just came out of The Somme, the Flames only chance was to have Kiprusoff carry them. He might still, if he can ever get Keenan, his whip, and his saddle off of him. The Committed Indian is printed by Royal Omega Graphics- Elk Grove, IL 847-952-8000 [email protected] KNOW THY ENEMY

Tonight, Kent from Matchsticks and Gasoline (matchsticksand- or if Calgary’s best defensemen - Robyn Regehr - will return to gasoline.com), simply the best-titled hockey blog around, and the line-up. Matt from will be our tour guide through the What year will it be that Keenan learns he can’t grind Kipru- world of the Flames. soff into dust every year? If you lose in the first round again, Things didn’t quite work out after that Jokinen trade, did would Keenan’s position be in jeopardy after such expecta- they? What happened? tions? Kent: A couple of things: Kent: Keenan will never, ever learn this lesson. As an NHL 1.) The bounces went bad after Jokinen’s initial offensive coach he’s always, ALWAYS ground down his . outburst. The team ended the season with an 0-41 streak on the Keenan is a big time fan of picking roster favorites and sticking PP which has something to do with coaching and execution, no with them as much as possible. Despite the fact that Kiprusoff doubt, but is also about cruel hockey gods. The Flames managed was having his worst season as a Calgary Flame, Iron Mike still two PP goals during that stretch that were waved off by Eric Fur- decide to ride him as if he was . It wasn’t all that latt and there wasn’t a favorable bounce off a shin-pad or skate to effective a strategy. be had. Matt: He’s the 3rd coach in a row to employ Kipper in precisely 2.) I was pensive about the trade from the start. Jokinen’s gawdy the same fashion, so Kipper’s decline -- and yes, there has been career goal totals obscure the fact that he’s an awfully flawed a significant and steady decline since the lockout -- isn’t on hockey player. He’s lousy at face-offs, lost in his own end of the Keenan. I would expect that if the Flames make their 4th straight ice and, as we’re slowly learning in Calgary, has fairly poor puck one-and-done, both the coach and GM positions will be seriously management skills. Jokinen certainly has a few strengths (size, evaluated. It wasn’t Keenan who managed the roster to within speed, laser accurate shot) that make him dangerous in certain hundreds of dollars of the cap, such that they had to roll with 15 areas of the ice, but he’s almost totally useless otherwise. He’s skaters when they were trying to win the division. never excelled at even-strength or against tough competition What Hawks player scares you most? his entire career and things haven’t changed since he became a Matt: Havlat, without a doubt. He’s been a terrific player (when Flame. healthy) for years, but based on this season, I think he’s the best Matt: He’s just not that great a hockey player. For being a player in this series (sorry Jarome). He and Ladd/Bolland just patented Big Body Up The Middle, he gets stripped of the puck, fustigated Iginla’s line head-to-head all 4 games this season. or just plained knocked off it, with regrettable ease. He’s a guy Your blueline is incredibly beat up, can you overcome that? who needs to be putting it in the net, because he doesn’t help Kent: We’re still unsure as to how beat up the various players your team in other ways (creating chances for linemates, prevent- are. I’d say that if Regehr is indeed scheduled to miss the entire ing chances against, etc.) That said, the record after he came on first round (as is rumored), the Flames are extremely unlikely board can’t be blamed on him -- there’s been a host of factors. to advance. Calgary was below overage in terms of preventing What are Flames fans thinking about this series? goals all season even with Reggie in the line-up. Without him Kent: The mood is fairly grim. Not only did CHI dominate Cal- (and against a potent club like Chicago) their chances fall consid- gary all year, but a combination of factors (goaltending, injuries, erably closer to zero. My prediction is Hawks in 6. poor cap management, the aforementioned PP swoon) resulted in Matt: Maybe! It would help if the Phaneuf of 12 months ago the Flames stumbling down the stretch worse than perhaps any showed up and displaced the Poor Man’s Ed Jovanovski cur- other play-off bound club. On top of all that, no one knows when rently sporting the #3.

Hawks-Flames: the Last 4

Feb. 5th, 2009: Hawks 5, Flames 2 Jan. 4th, 2009: Flames 2, Hawks 5 The grunts take this one. Ladd, Bolland, Burish, Hawks recover from Winter Classic bitch-slap by Fraser, and Brouwer score to see of the Flames. passing it on to the Flames. Ladd, VerStud with a Matt Walker has 3 assists, and apparently Q hasn’t shorty, and Buff blow it open in the 2nd. Kipper watched any of his performances since. gets pulled before 3rd, one of 4 periods he’s missed in 21 years or something.

Dec. 19th, 2008: Hawks 3, Flames 2 Nov. 8th, 2008: Flames 1, Hawks 6 Captain Marvel undresses Phaneuf and leaves a Hawks maul a flu-ridden Calgary side. Both Kane rebound that Keith slams home for an overtime and Havlat have a goal and 2 assists. Captain Mar- winner. Kane and Bolland cancel out goals from vel finally tallies first of the year, and Hawks passing Bourque and Moss in one of best games of season. is as crisp as we’ve seen all season. Or decade. Hockey Sabermetrics CHICAGO Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calcu- lated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/ minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60. NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Aaron Johnson -0.05 -0.18 11.89 3.45 1.33 2.13 2.27 1.98 0.29 1.84 N. Hjalmarsson -0.02 -0.1 12.78 2.01 1.12 0.89 2.41 2.75 -0.34 1.24 Andrew Ladd 0.11 0.14 12.88 3.58 2.27 1.31 2.31 2.01 0.29 1.02 Martin Havlat 0.05 0.12 13.57 3.77 2.57 1.2 2.22 1.9 0.32 0.88 Duncan Keith 0.08 0.11 18.61 3.18 2.18 1.01 2.48 2.16 0.32 0.69 Dave Bolland 0.09 0.27 12.57 3.24 2.42 0.83 2.44 1.99 0.45 0.38 Adam Burish -0.08 -0.15 7.23 2.14 1.38 0.75 2.75 2.2 0.55 0.2 Brent Seabrook 0.09 0.24 16.65 2.77 2.11 0.66 2.61 2.07 0.53 0.13 0.01 -0.04 13.41 2.95 2.29 0.65 2.55 2 0.55 0.11 Troy Brouwer 0.02 -0.07 11.5 2.34 1.74 0.61 2.79 2.21 0.58 0.02 Dustin Byfuglien 0 -0.03 11.98 2.08 1.5 0.59 2.94 2.36 0.58 0 Matt Walker -0.03 -0.11 14.16 2.54 1.96 0.59 2.59 1.92 0.67 -0.08 0.01 -0.1 12.1 2.42 1.97 0.45 2.77 2.21 0.55 -0.11 Patrick Kane 0.02 -0.04 13.82 2.6 2.33 0.27 2.57 2.02 0.54 -0.27 Colin Fraser -0.11 -0.18 7.82 2.08 1.71 0.38 2.82 2.13 0.69 -0.31 Ben Eager -0.11 -0.15 8.41 2.19 1.9 0.29 2.76 2.04 0.71 -0.42 -0.03 -0.03 16.92 2.68 2.38 0.3 2.66 1.92 0.74 -0.44 Patrick Sharp 0 -0.01 12.94 2.58 2.13 0.46 2.88 1.94 0.94 -0.48 Cam Barker -0.03 -0.04 13.33 1.99 2.38 -0.4 2.84 1.95 0.89 -1.29 Samuel Pahlsson 0.07 -0.57 12.58 1.69 2.49 -0.81 2.84 1.96 0.88 -1.69 Brent Sopel -0.1 -0.09 10.89 2.16 3.11 -0.96 3.22 2.25 0.97 -1.93 Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn This is a measure of a team’s goals-for This measures how many goals a team Shots attempted for a team vs. how many are at- per 60 minutes of player being on the gives up per 60 minutes the player is on tempted against while a given player is on the ice, vs. Taken ice on the power play the ice on the PK. per 60 min. . Player GFON/60 Player GA/60 NAME CORSI NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 Cam Barker 9.69 Troy Brouwer 4.98 Jonathan Toews 16.6 Adam Burish 1.8 1.4 Troy Brouwer 8.2 Aaron Johnson 5.25 Martin Havlat 15.8 Patrick Kane 1.5 0.9 Patrick Sharp 7.93 Adam Burish 5.93 Brian Campbell 14.1 Jonathan Toews 1.4 0.8 Patrick Kane 7.84 Brent Sopel 6.43 Andrew Ladd 13.8 Ben Eager 1.4 2.3 Jonathan Toews 7.43 Duncan Keith 6.44 Patrick Kane 13.2 Kris Versteeg 1.3 0.6 Brian Campbell 7.16 Colin Fraser 6.67 Troy Brouwer 13.1 Colin Fraser 1.3 0.6 Martin Havlat 5.91 Brent Seabrook 6.68 Patrick Sharp 12.9 Patrick Sharp 1.3 0.8 Dustin Byfuglien 5.74 Samuel Pahlsson 7.23 Duncan Keith 12.7 Andrew Ladd 1.2 0.6 Duncan Keith 5.73 Cam Barker 7.38 Kris Versteeg 11.9 Dave Bolland 1.2 0.8 Brent Seabrook 5.16 Kris Versteeg 7.38 Brent Seabrook 11.7 Dustin Byfuglien 1.2 1.2 Kris Versteeg 5.1 Matt Walker 7.72 Dustin Byfuglien 11.3 Martin Havlat 1.1 0.5 Dave Bolland 8.81 Dave Bolland 10.7 Troy Brouwer 1.1 0.8 N. Hjalmarsson 15.41 Cam Barker 9.4 Aaron Johnson 0.8 1.6 Matt Walker 8.1 Brent Sopel 0.5 1 Face-offs Ben Eager 7.4 Brian Campbell 0.4 0.4 Player Face-Offs Taken FO% Adam Burish 6.9 Samuel Pahlsson 0.4 1 Jonathan Toews 1287 54.7 Aaron Johnson 4.9 Brent Seabrook 0.3 0.8 Samuel Pahlsson 1237 53.5 Colin Fraser 2.7 Matt Walker 0.3 0.7 Colin Fraser 787 47.8 N. Hjalmarsson 2.5 Duncan Keith 0.1 0.8 Dave Bolland 1177 44.4 Brent Sopel -4.3 Cam Barker 0.1 0.7 Total Rank: 23rd 48.1 Samuel Pahlsson -10.1 N. Hjalmarsson 0 0 Hockey Sabermetrics CALGARY NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Rene Bourque 0.04 0.07 12.27 3.88 2.19 1.69 2.53 2.79 -0.26 1.95 Craig Conroy -0.03 0.14 12.08 3.7 2.6 1.09 2.57 2.73 -0.16 1.25 Curtis Glencross -0.01 0.05 11.82 3.29 2.4 0.89 2.57 2.82 -0.25 1.14 Cory Sarich -0.02 0.01 14.21 2.45 1.67 0.78 3.13 3.16 -0.03 0.8 J. Vandermeer -0.13 -0.02 13.89 2.98 2.98 0 2.49 2.89 -0.39 0.39 Jarome Iginla -0.01 0.1 15.77 3.39 2.97 0.42 2.59 2.54 0.05 0.37 Jamie Lundmark -0.13 -0.28 11.54 2.7 2.31 0.39 3.02 2.95 0.07 0.32 M. Cammalleri -0.03 0.19 13.02 3.3 2.96 0.34 2.69 2.59 0.09 0.25 D. Langkow -0.03 -0.01 12.83 2.56 2.31 0.26 2.87 2.84 0.03 0.23 Mark Giordano -0.02 0.05 12.36 3.1 2.68 0.42 2.83 2.6 0.23 0.19 Olli Jokinen 0.02 -0.06 13.98 2.37 2.94 -0.56 2.06 2.55 -0.49 -0.07 Robyn Regehr 0.01 0.07 16.22 2.66 2.37 0.3 3.13 2.73 0.39 -0.1 Adam Pardy -0.07 0.05 13.54 2.59 2.44 0.15 2.96 2.71 0.25 -0.1 Dion Phaneuf -0.03 0.08 17.44 3.48 3.48 0 2.48 2.17 0.31 -0.31 -0.08 0.01 14.64 2.42 3.31 -0.89 2.2 2.62 -0.41 -0.48 Adrian Aucoin -0.02 0.07 14.44 2.62 2.72 -0.1 3.05 2.66 0.39 -0.5 David Moss -0.04 0.24 10.68 2.98 3.26 -0.28 2.84 2.47 0.37 -0.65 Wayne Primeau -0.16 -0.52 7.05 1.77 2.48 -0.71 2.73 2.73 0 -0.71 Todd Bertuzzi -0.05 0.15 13.88 2.62 3.14 -0.52 2.91 2.38 0.53 -1.06 Eric Nystrom -0.17 -0.32 7.29 0.97 1.95 -0.97 3.2 2.76 0.44 -1.41 Dustin Boyd -0.04 -0.05 9.59 2.2 3.17 -0.97 3.1 2.52 0.58 -1.55 D. Van der Gulik -0.21 -0.44 8.04 2.49 3.73 -1.24 3.98 3.19 0.8 -2.04

Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn This measures how many shots are attempted for a Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings team vs. how many are attempted against while a vs. Taken This is a measure of a team’s goals for This measures how many goals a given player is on the ice, per 60 min. per 60 minutes of player being on the team gives up per 60 minutes the ice on the power play. player is on the ice on the PK. NAME CORSI NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 Player GFON/60 Player GAON/60 David Van der Gulik 26.1 Jarome Iginla 1.7 0.4 M. Cammalleri 7.13 Wayne Primeau 4.11 David Moss 23.8 Craig Conroy 1.5 0.8 Dion Phaneuf 6.75 Eric Nystrom 4.55 Wayne Primeau 23.4 Curtis Glencross 1.3 0.8 Jarome Iginla 6.58 Adrian Aucoin 4.66 Mark Giordano 21.4 Jamie Lundmark 1.2 0.8 D. Langkow 6.06 J. Vandermeer 4.73 Curtis Glencross 19.2 Rene Bourque 1.1 1.5 Todd Bertuzzi 6.02 Dustin Boyd 4.81 Craig Conroy 15.9 M. Cammalleri 1.1 0.5 Adrian Aucoin 6 Robyn Regehr 5.19 D. Langkow 14.1 D. Langkow 1.1 0.4 Olli Jokinen 5.79 Rene Bourque 6.24 Adrian Aucoin 13.3 David Moss 1.1 0.8 Mark Giordano 5.55 Cory Sarich 6.42 Adam Pardy 12.9 Todd Bertuzzi 1.1 1.4 Jamie Lundmark 4.29 Jordan Leopold 6.55 Eric Nystrom 12.9 Dion Phaneuf 1 0.7 Jordan Leopold 3.88 Craig Conroy 7.04 M. Cammalleri 12.2 Mark Giordano 0.9 1.4 Dion Phaneuf 7.2 J. Vandermeer 11.1 Eric Nystrom 0.8 0.8 Curtis Glencross 8.89 Cory Sarich 10.9 Olli Jokinen 0.7 1.3 Rick Nash 7.59 Dion Phaneuf 10.4 Wayne Primeau 0.7 1.1 8.37 Jarome Iginla 8.8 Dustin Boyd 0.7 0.4 Rene Bourque 8 J. Vandermeer 0.6 0.9 Face-offs Jamie Lundmark 6.2 Adam Pardy 0.6 1.7 Player Face-Offs Taken FO% Robyn Regehr 6.2 Robyn Regehr 0.4 1.2 Mike Cammalleri 368 60.2 Todd Bertuzzi 5.9 Jordan Leopold 0.4 0.4 Craig Conroy 1382 52.8 Dustin Boyd 4.2 Cory Sarich 0.3 1.5 Jarome Iginla 502 52.5 Jordan Leopold 2.3 Adrian Aucoin 0.2 0.7 D. Langkow 753 46.9 Olli Jokinen -3 Total: Rank: 10th 51.3 Referee Stats For The Hawks

Referees 1st NHL Hawks Games Hawks PP’s Hawks Pens/Game Hawks PP/Game Hawks PK/ W L OTL Game PK’s Game 2 Fraser, Kerry 1980 3 14 17 10.3 4.7 5.7 3 0 0 3 Leggo, Mike 1997 5 19 22 8.2 3.8 4.4 4 0 1 4 McCauley, Wes 2003 5 11 14 5.0 2.2 2.8 2 2 0 5 Rooney, Chris 2000 2 6 2 4.0 3.0 1.0 2 0 0 6 Marouelli, Dan 1984 3 14 11 8.3 4.7 3.7 1 2 0 7 McCreary, Bill 1984 5 25 19 8.8 5 3.8 3 3 0 8 Jackson, Dave 1990 6 28 24 8.7 4.7 4.0 4 1 1 10 Devorski, Paul 1989 4 15 25 10 3.7 6.2 1 3 0 11 Sutherland, Kelly 2000 2 11 14 12.5 5.5 7 0 2 0 12 Koharski, Don 1981 4 19 20 9.8 4.8 5.0 3 0 1 13 O’Halloran, Dan 1995 6 34 23 9.5 5.6 3.8 3 2 1 14 LaRue, Dennis 1991 6 28 24 8.6 4.3 4 4 1 1 15 Auger, Stephane 2000 5 25 17 8.4 5 3.4 4 0 1 16 Shick, Rob 1986 1 2 2 4.0 2.0 2.0 0 0 1 18 Kimmerly, Greg 1996 5 26 25 10.2 5.2 5.0 3 2 0 20 Peel, Tim 1999 5 21 20 8.2 4.2 4.2 3 2 0 21 VanMassenhoven, Don 1993 4 17 10 6.7 4.2 2.5 2 0 2 23 Watson, Brad 1996 4 15 8 5.7 3.7 2 2 1 1 25 Joannette, Marc 1999 3 19 7 8.6 6.3 2.3 2 0 1 26 Martell, Rob 1996 1 3 1 4.0 3.0 1.0 1 0 0 27 Furlatt, Eric 2001 6 27 26 8.8 4.5 4.3 2 3 1 28 Lee, Chris 2001 2 11 10 10.5 5.5 5 1 1 0 29 Walsh, Ian 2000 2 2 5 3.5 1.0 2.5 1 1 0 30 Hasenfratz, Mike 2000 5 26 24 9.6 5.2 4.8 1 2 2 32 Kowal, Tom 2000 5 16 13 5.8 3.2 2.6 5 0 0 33 Pollock, Kevin 2000 4 14 15 7.2 3.5 3.7 1 1 2 34 Meier, Brad 1999 5 17 23 8.0 3.4 4.6 4 1 0 35 Warren, Dean 1999 ------36 Morton, Dean 2000 3 24 13 12.3 8.0 4.3 1 1 1 38 St Laurent, Francois 2006 2 14 15 14.5 7.0 7.5 1 0 1 39 Dwyer, Gord 2003 5 30 24 10.8 6 4.8 3 0 2 40 Kozari, Steve 2006 5 30 23 10.6 6 4.6 2 2 1 42 O’Rourke, Dan 1999 3 17 15 10.6 5.6 5 2 0 1 43 Pochmara, Brian 2006 3 12 14 8.6 4 4.6 2 1 0 45 St. Pierre, Justin 2003 6 29 26 9.2 4.8 4.3 3 1 2

NHL FINAL REGULAR SEASON LEADERS Goals Points GAA SV%

Player Team G Player Team P Player Team GAA Player Team SV% 1 A. Ovechkin WAS 56 1 PIT 113 1 BOS 2.10 1 Tim Thomas BOS .933 2 PHI 46 2 A. Ovechkin WAS 110 2 CBJ 2.29 2 T. Vokoun FLA .926 3 Zach Parise NJ 45 3 S. Crosby PIT 103 3 N. Backstrom MIN 2.33 3 Craig Anderson FLA .924 4 I. Kovalchuk ATL 43 4 DET 97 4 N. Khabibulin CHI 2.33 4 N. Backstrom MIN .923 5 Rick Nash NSH 40 5 Zach Parise NJ 94 5 R. Luongo VAN 2.34 5 R. Luongo VAN .920 18 J. Toews CHI 34 22 Martin Havlat CHI 77 6 N. Khabibulin CHI .919

Lady of Spain What Better Place Than Here? What Better Time Than Now?

Well, well, well, what have we here? Looks to me like If you wanna see lack of playoff experience, you need look no farther we’ve got a bit of playoff hockey on our hands. What a delicious than the man the Flames are claiming as savior: Olli Jokinen. Jokin- treat! Like getting halfway through an ice cream sundae and discov- en, who was acquired at the trade deadline and hasn’t faced Chicago ering more toppings on the bottom! Like getting to the register and as a Flame, has played in a league-record 799 regular-season games realizing that the blouse you were willing to pay full price for is 50% without ever making a playoff appearance. The Flames’ leading goal- off! Oh right, right, they warned me about being a girl and stuff. scorer, Mike Cammalleri, has also never laced up his skates for the So…it’s like taking a girl home from the bar and realizing that no, postseason. those aren’t fake! Those are REAL! (Editor’s Note: We’re totally in Truth is, as this Hawks team has been steadily improving, love) the Flames have hit a wall. Calgary hasn’t advanced out of the first Yes, postseason hockey is many things to many people. It’s round of the playoffs in their last three chances. For many of them, at least four more games of Khabby heroics, Kaner’s mouthpiece then, their experience with the playoffs is LOSING in them. mastication, and Keith’s deadly defense. At least 240 more minutes And its losing they’ve done lately. The Flames head into of Havlat highlights, Captain Marvel-ousness, and fodder for future Thursday’s game having lost six of their last 10 games, going 0-for- Versteeg Facts. It’s at least four more excuses to stroll into work 43 on the power play during that stretch. Calgary notched just a late and hungover, and four more chances to wear that $250 Winter 2-9-0 record in its last 11 road contests and newly acquired Golden Classic jersey you bought instead of getting your kids Boy, Jokinen, is scoreless in 13 straight games and Christmas presents. plus-rated in just three of those. Neither Jarome ‘Course I think it’ll be more than four, but Iginla nor Cammalleri found the back of the net in let’s cross that bridge when we come to it, hmm? their season series with the Hawks and the two were All that matters now is Thursday night. both minus-nine overall in those four games. Ouch. When the skate onto the ice at the When it comes down to it, I’ll take talent over United Center and hear the nearly 23,000 strong experience any day, and this Blackhawks team is screaming their f’in faces off during the Anthem, talented. From surprising rookie contributions my bet is that a little part of each of their souls dies. (Versteeg, the Hammer) to veterans returning to glory And when the Blackhawks witness the madness that (Khabby, Havlat) everyone has contributed. (Well, is their 45th straight sellout, even those that weren’t maybe not Sopel). 1 0 players have 40 points or there will remember the roar. Sarah Spain more. Five players have 20 goals or more. Only one It’s been seven years since anyone has worn coach has the sickest ‘stache in the league and only the Indian Head in a postseason contest and 12 years one city has the highest attendance in the league. since the last time a Blackhawks player scored a That’s the thing: not only is this team melt-your- playoff goal at the United Center. The last time the Hawks were in face-off good, their fan base is too. This was my first year covering the postseason I was a senior in college, studying the fine art of binge the Blackhawks and part of my gig was to find out what Hawks fans drinking and taking advantage of virile underclassmen. So really, not want and to give it to them (within reason). From message boards to a lot has changed for me. But for a lot of the Hawks, 2002 feels like signings, games to practices, the fans were knowledgeable, friendly, half a lifetime ago. and tremendously loyal to their team. I’ve enjoyed almost every Youngsters like Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, and Niklas second I’ve spent diving deep into the gooey masses of Indian Head Hjalmarsson were barely teenagers, hording back issues of Tiger Nation (yeah, it’s as hot as it sounds). Beat and listening to Color Me Badd. Wait, that was me again. Adam Burish said of Thursday night, “I can’t wait to hear Maybe it was Sports Illustrated and Nelly. Either way, they were that National Anthem…I’m sure my ears are gonna be bleeding for young. They still are young. And that youth is as exciting as it is how loud [the fans] are gonna be screaming.” petrifying. 14 members of the have no playoff Let’s make ‘em bleed, guys. experience. Only five were in the league when the Hawks last made the postseason. Just three—Khabby, Andrew Ladd and Sami Pahls- son—have won it all. Sarah Spain has covered the Chicago Blackhawks all season for Then again, these Hawks have done things teams of sea- MouthpieceSports.com. Spain is convinced her long-awaited return soned veterans never have. They’ve come together when it mattered, to the city of Chicago after years in LA was the final catalyst that scoring points in 12 of their last 14 games of the season. They’ve fueled the Hawks’ recent surge to greatness. You can find her articles tied or broken franchise records in win streaks (9), road wins (22) and interviews online at MouthpieceSports.com and www.Sarah- and Jesus-like resurrections (1). These Hawks are the only team in Spain.net. She’s also the first female to contribute to The Indian this the NHL to improve their record in each of the last four years. season, so that should keep that lawsuit off our ass. Will their lack of experience hurt them? Maybe, but every team has to start somewhere. Every current Stanley Cup winner was at one time a playoff novice. The Blackhawks now have the man- agement behind them, the fans around them, and the talent within them, to be the next great hockey dynasty. The Making of The Chicago Blackhawks

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com YEAR TRADE 2008-2009 Samuel Pahlsson (COL 7th round 1996) and Brian Campbell (BUF 6th Logan Stephenson (PHX 2nd round 2004) from round 1997 ANA for (CHI 5th round Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2002) and (CHI 7th round 2004) 2001) Matt Walker (STL 3rd round 1998) Aaron Johnson (CLB 3rd round 2001) 2007-2008 Patrick Kane (1st round) Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from PHI for Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round (FA PHI 2000) 1995) Craig Adams (HAR 9th round 1996) from CAR for future considerations. Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004) from CAR for (CHI 1st round 2001) 2006-2007 Jonathan Toews (1st round) Martin Havlat (OTT 1st round 1999) from OTT and (BOS 1st round 1990) for (FA SJ 2003), (SJ 2nd round 2003) and Michael Barinka (CHI 2nd round 2003) Kris Versteeg (BOS 5th round 2004) from BOS for (OTT 7th round 2001) 2005-2006 (4th round) Patrick Sharp (PHI 3rd round 2001) from PHI Nikolai Khabibulin (WIN 9th for (CHI 4th round 2002) and CHI round 1992) 3rd round pick 2006 2004-2005 Cam Barker (1st round) Dave Bolland (2nd round) Troy Brouwer (7th round) 2003-2004 Brent Seabrook (1st round) Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003), Jim Van- Dustin Byfuglien (8th round) dermeer (PHI FA 2000) and 2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN 4th round 1990) 2002-2003 Duncan Keith (2nd round) Adam Burish (9th round)

COACHES GM HISTORY - (2005-Present) Assistant Coach-John Torchetti (Too Fucking Long) Assistant Coach-Mike Haviland Mike Smith (2001-2004) Assistant Coach- Marc Bergevin Bob Murray (1999-2000) Goaltending Coach-Stephane Waite The Making of The Calgary Flames info in part provided by hockeyreference.com YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Olli Jokinen (LA 1st round 1997) from PHX for Mattew Lombardi Todd Bertuzzi (CAL3rd round 2002), (CAL 3rd round 2004), and 2009 or (NYI 1st round ‘10 1st round pick 1993) Jordan Leopold (ANA 2nd round 1999) from COL for Rene Bourque (MIN Undrafted FA 2000), , and 2009 2nd round pick (CHI Undrafted FA (LA 2nd round 2001) from LA for 2008 1st round 2004) pick. Curtis Glencross (ANA Undrafted FA 2004) Jamie Lundmark (NYR 1st round 1999) Andre Roy (BOS 6th round 1994) 2007-2008 Adrian Aucoin (VAN 5th round 1992) and 2007 7th round pick from CHI Cory Sarich (BUF for (SJ 1st round 1996) and Steve Marr (?) 2nd round 1996) Jim Vandermeer (PHI Undrafted FA 2000) from PHI for 2009 3rd round pick 2006-2007 Craig Conroy (MON 6th round 1990) from LA for Jamie Lundmark (NYR Kyle Greentree 1st round 1999), 2007 4th round pick, and 2008 2nd round pick (Undrafted FA) Wayne Primeau (BUF 1st round 1994) with (SJ 1st round 1998) from BOS for Andrew Ference (PIT 8th round 1997) and (CAL 1st round 2001) 2005-2006 Brett Sutter (6th round) (Undrafted FA) 2004-2005 Dustin Boyd (3rd round) Daymond Langkow (TB 1st round 1995) from PHX for Mark Giordano Adam Pardy (6th round) (CAL 1st round 1995) and Oleg Saprykin (CAL 1st round 1999) (Undrafted FA) 2003-2004 Dion Phaneuf (1st round) Rhett Warrener (FLA 2nd round 1994) and Steve Reinprecht (LA Undraft- ed FA 2000) from BUF for (QUE 3rd round 1994) and Steve Begin (CAL 2nd round 1996) Mikka Kiprusoff (SJ 5th round 1995) from SJ for 2005 3rd round pick 2002-2003 Eric Nystrom (1st round) Curtis McElhinney (6th round) David Van der Gulik (7th round) 2001-2002 David Moss (7th round) 1997-1998 Robyn Regehr (COL 1st 1998), Rene Corbet (QUE 2nd round 1991), (QUE 1st round 1994), and 2000 2nd round pick from COL for Theo Fleury (CAL 8th round 1987) and (CAL 1st round 1994)

1995-1996 Jerome Iginla (DAL 1st round 1995) with Cory Millen (NYR 3rd round 1982) from DAL for (CAL 2nd round 1985)

COACHES Asst. Coach: Wayne Fleming GM HISTORY Head Coach: Asst. Coach: Rob Cookson 2002-Present: Darryl Sutter 1996-2001: Al Coates Asst. Coach: Goaltending Coach: David 2001-2002: Asst. Coach: Rich Preston Marcoux The Hawks Record When...

Playing at home...... 24-9-8 Allowing a short-handed goal...... 2-4-1 Getting obliterated on face-offs...... 20-11-4 Playing on road...... 22-15-4 Taking 30 or more shots...... 33-16-8 Are even close on face-offs..... 26-13-8 Scoring first...... 33-5-5 Taking less than 30 shots..... 13-8-4 Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!”.... 39-18-12 Opponent scores first...... 13-19-7 Allowing 30 shots or more...... 18-9-6 Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 5-2-1 Allowing 30 shots or less...... 28-15-6 during 4-on-4...... 39-17-12 Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 19-6-7 100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 23-8-8 screws up a name...... 43-19-12 Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0 1st of a back-to-back...... 6-6-3 Ice Crew wear skirts...... 8-1-3 Committed Indian Editor scares small children outside ....24-10-8 2nd of a back-to-back..... 9-5-2 Ice Crew wear pants...... 3-1-0 Playing on a Monday...... 2-2-1 Opponent played night before.... 11-5-2 Ice Crew wear shorts.... 13-7-5 Playing on a Tuesday...... 7-4-0 Taking more than 5 penalties..... 17-16-5 Member of Ice Crew hilariously falls on her shapely ass.... 0-1-0 Playing on a Wednesday...... 10-1-4 Taking 5 or less penalties.... 29-8-7 Leading after 2 periods...... 35-2-4 Playing on a Thursday...... 2-3-0 Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty.... 8-5-7 Losing after 2 periods...... 3-17-4 Playing on a Friday...... 6-4-4 Burish takes a penalty...... 10-6-2 Tied after 2 periods...... 8-5-4 Playing on a Saturday...... 8-5-3 Keith takes a penalty...... 14-5-3 In overtime...... 6-5 Playing on a Sunday...... 11-5-0 Sharp takes a penalty...... 10-3-2 In shootout...... 4-7 Savard changes lines during game... 1-2-1 Toews takes a penalty..... 10-5-3 Cam Barker plays...... 38-20-9 Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 45-22-11 Havlat takes a penalty.... 8-3-1 Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence..... 6-2-3 Are out-muscled by opponent.... 10-18-4 Sopel takes a penalty...... 3-2-1 Lacking a #2 center...... 38-22-9 Outshoot opponent...... 34-14-7 Sopel looks 6 steps slow...... 7-5-5 In 1-goal games..... 12-7-12 Are outshot by opponent.... 12-10-5 51 Phantom blows a coverage...... 28-20-9 In 2-goal games...... 16-7-0 Havlat shies from contact...... 16-6-6 Toews is trying too hard...... 3-8-3 In 3-goal games...... 9-6-0 Patrick Kane scores...... 12-7-3 At least 1 fight in 300 Level... 5-3-4 In 4+ goal games...... 8-3-0 Jonathan Toews scores...... 17-3-6 No fights in 300 Level..... 19-5-4 Scoring 3+ goals..... 42-7-8 Martin Havlat scores...... 18-4-2 Playing Eastern Conference..... 9-7-3 Scoring less than 3 goals...... 4-16-4 Patrick Sharp scores...... 16-4-2 Playing Western Conference..... 37-18-9 PA plays Ministry...... 0-0-0 Dustin Byfuglien scores...... 9-2-1 Playing Central Division...... 10-7-7 PA plays Modern Cock-Rock..... 24-9-8 Dustin Byfuglien wins a foot-race??!!!!!..... 2-1-0 Playing Northwest Division.... 12-6-1 PA plays Stranglehold...... 8-3-4 Andrew Ladd scores...... 13-0-1 Playing Pacific Division 15-5-1 PA plays P.J. Harvey...... 0-0-0 Dave Bolland scores...... 11-1-5 Playing Atlantic Division 2-3-2 Fraser fights...... 7-3-1 Adam Burish scores...... 3-2-1, and totally ruins that joke Playing NASCAR Division 4-1-0 Burish fights...... 5-2-0 51 Phantom scores...... 3-2-1 Playing Northeast Division 3-2-1 Seabrook fights..... 1-0-0 Duncan Keith scores...... 5-3-0 Playing in October.... 4-3-3 Barker fights...... 0-0-2 Brent Seabrook scores...... 5-1-2 Playing in November.... 6-3-3 Buff fights...... 1-1-2 VerStud scores.... 13-7-1 Playing in December...... 10-1-1 Sharp fights...... 1-0-0 Troy Brouwer scores.... 8-0-0 Playing in January..... 7-6-1 Eager fights...... 10-4-2 Scoring a Power Play goal...... 31-10-10 Playing in February..... 7-4-1 On Comcast...... 34-13-9 Not scoring a Power Play goal... 15-13-2 Playing in March...... 6-7-2 On WGN...... 11-7-3 Allowing a Power Play goal...... 20-18-10 Playing in April...... 6-0-1 On Vs...... 0-3-0 Not Allowing a Power Play goal...... 26-6-2 UC plays really stupid goal song..... 24-5-8 On NBC.... 1-1-0 Scoring a short-handed goal...... 6-2-0 Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s..... 3-11-4 Judd Sirott hates Adam Creighton.... 45-24-12

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