$3 Vicariously We Live While The Whole World Dies $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com April 16th, 2009 [email protected] SAY, WE REMEMBER THESE... Did you actually leap out of bed this sure do. The Flames, against other playoff is that the Flames blueline is butchered. Their morning? Did you find your hands shaking at teams, had a negative goal-difference to the best defenseman, Robyn Regehr, is out for the work? Did you honestly consider whiskey for tune of -.59. Their GD was a full goal better series. Cory Sarich, another important d-man, lunch to calm your nerves? Did your palms against non-playoff teams. is also struggling. Dion Phaneuf, massively begin to sweat when you threw on your Hawks Let’s put this in terms everyone can overrated when he’s healthy, is playing on sweater, picked up your tickets, and got in understand: The Flames feasted on weaker one leg. This was a team that surrendered 19 the car? Can you even focus enough right opposition, and basically looked like the cop goals in four games to the Hawks. They’re now to read this? We wouldn’t blame you if from Resevoir Dogs when playing quality now going to shut up shop with Fucking An- you couldn’t. It took us five attempts to sit teams. All this points to is that the Hawks are ders Fucking Eriksson logging playoff min- still long enough to write this (though maybe simply a better squad. utes? Okey dokey artichokey.... that’s just the withdrawal). Such is the excite- But Wait, There’s More! When This Is Over And Through ment about tonight’s events. If there was ever We couldn’t believe it either, but There’s still Iginla over there, a night when the UC’s roof might actually tear Steve Rosenbloom hit the proverbial pornstar though. But he’s been so thoroughly in off, it’ll be on this night. in the mouth in his column yesterday. Much Duncan Keith’s pocket all year, he’s prob- Whatever happens tonight, soak up has been made of Calgary’s experience edge, ably stuck to Dunc’s dryer at this point. The as much as you can. We used to take this for but quite frainkly, it’s a crock of shit. The Hawks PK still scares us, but the only thing granted, and the day when we do so again Flames experience consists of three first- scarier has been how awful the Flames PP has is probably coming soon (though we’ll never round exits. Only few remain from the Finals been. So what could go wrong? Well, there’s have to beg the opposition’s supporters to run of ‘04, and one of those is the puddle that one thing tonight: In previous charged games take our extra tickets, like Scum are currently is left of Mikka Kiprusoff. Three of their most -- i.e. Hull Mikita Night and the Winter Classic doing). But tonight, after so long away, is an important players, Jokinen, Cammalleri, and -- the young Hawks have come out flying with occasion to be remembered, the night the Rene Bourque (yes, he’s an important player everything they’ve got in the 1st. However, Hawks are officially back on the map. Drink it for them, and yes, we had a facial twitch read- after that, they’ve looked like we do when in from the beer bong of life (how’s that for a ing that again) have as much playoff experi- the girl rolls over and asks if you’d like to go metaphor? We’re getting good at this!) ence as your mother does. Sure, the Hawks again, and you realize all that bourbon you Bang And Flame barely have any, but it’s not like the rules drank that night has come back to haunt you. So, how does this all shape up? change and they’re facing a team with mul- There’s nothing left. We know the Hawks are Quite frankly, the Hawks couldn’t have gotten tiple rings. If the Flames get behind in this going to be seriously amped tonight, but can a much better match-up unless the Ice Crew series, it may be a, “Here we go again” feeling they spread it over three periods? But that’s grabbed the 5th seed. When Calgary acquired on their bench, and you can take their experi- only a concern for tonight. The Flames just Olli Jokinen at the deadline, Bob McKenzie, ence, add it to $2.25, and that should get you don’t have enough. Hawks in 5. Pierre McGuire, and the rest of the slobber- on the bus home. -Peabody and Sherman ing Canadian press couldn’t wait to put down However, the most encouraging part the Molson and be the first to declare that the Flames were now the equal of San Jose and Scum. How’d that work out? Well, let’s see. The Flames proceed- ed to blow a 12-point lead atop the North- west division, haven’t scored on the power play since you were pulling bong-rips in high school, and are so banged up the “C” on their chest stands for crying. All this led up to them landing squarely in the cauldron that will be a series against the Hawks and their fans, a 22,000-strong mob baying for blood. Good times, Calgary. The most encouraging thing we’ve seen about this series appeared in blog from Bird Watchers Anonymous, a Thrashers blog (when your team is that bad, you have a lot of time to crunch numbers about playoff teams). They measured each playoff team’s performance against all other playoff teams in the Western Conference. Where did the Flames finish? Dead last. 21 points behind the Hawks, who gathered 90 points against playoff teams in contrast to Calgary’s 69. Wanna hear more good news? You “There was something I used to do with these, what was it?” FROM THE EDITOR I’ve been thinking about writing this editorial for 13 years. That’s -There’s been a fair amount of discussion on our blog on whether the last time the Hawks entered the playoffs with a real team, a real buzz, a we should do some sort of red-out in the stands tonight and throughout the real anything. Quite frankly, I don’t know what to say. As my high school playoffs. Quite frankly, I think it’s a ridiculous notion. The only fandom English teacher Bill Duffy -- God bless his soul -- told that should be allowed to do such a thing was Win- me, “Always quote someone, because they said it bet- nipeg, and they started the tradition. The White Sox ter than you.” fans’ blackout was pretty cool, but wouldn’t work So, if St. Louis Gametime will allow me to because, y’know, the puck is black and might confuse do so (actually, it doesn’t fucking matter, I’m going to the hell out of each goalie. and they can’t stop me), I would like to use what Brad But teams and their fans only come up with Lee said on the front page of their issue last Friday, this stuff to try and create an atmosphere that we’re when the Blues eventually clinched a playoff spot, already experienced at creating. Fans in other cities with some Hawks-related corrections. To wit: look longingly at the Anthem and our roar and think of anything to get their comrades up to our level. We “This game, this date with destiny for the don’t need gimmicks or towels or promotions to get Hawks, is for you and me. It’s for the season-ticket there. So tell Tommy Hawk to put his fucking drum holders who kept the faith through the lockout, the Sam Fels away. Wear whatever you want. You know when to dismantling of the team, and the non-playoff years. make noise, you know how to intimidate an opposi- It’s for people who showed up on Tuesday nights vs. tion, you know how to get our team going. We don’t Columbus for three years. It’s for people who braved the ice storms on need any help. game nights since the lockout. You diehards, you knew who was here when we were finishing last. You know who you are. This game, this night, -In my thank you’s on Sunday, I forgot one important group. the Hawks make a triumphant return to the playoffs, it’s for us. Bill Wirtz Those would be my vendors. They’ve stood out there with me in ridiculous can’t take it away. It can’t get traded to Phoenix. It can’t blow out its knee. weather, peddling a publication they probably only had a hazy understand- When the team takes the ice, roar. Scream. Yell your bloody head off. ing of at best, and dealing with people who probably scared the ever-loving You’ve earned it.” shit out of them. They did it for a pittance, and without them we never would have gotten off the ground. So thanks to all of you who helped, I’ll Better than I could ever say it. never be able to adequately express my appreciation. STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS *late game not included Eastern Conference Western Conference #1 Boston #1 San Jose #8 Montreal #8 Anaheim #2 Washington #2 Scum NYR 1-0 #7 New York #7 Columbus #3 New Jersey #3 Vancouver NJ 1-0 VAN 1-0 #6 Carolina #6 St.