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• . ... , -•.•; ,.-,,., ,\. ' . .. '•. I"i.~~~~;(;:~ . -_.. ~ ""'~'Jf'\";s" -. -'. :r £' , ' •• , ~ .. - ....~"~j;J.~ .... -.:- ,-~,,,,,~,, 't.'" ". c; • - • -.' -~.~, - .'~ .' .,. - '.- ~ 1~1~HE~~, Mi'~HJ: IGAN;1~REVIEW "~ .;'.. ' ,.' .• '.. \ i· .< Volume 13, Number 7 The Campus Affairs Journal ofthe Unive~sity of Mich'igan December 1, 1993 Dude Hails Manufactured Culture BY JAMES A. ROBERTS, II these peoples can succeed, can achieve complex world." the Michigan Mandate's effort to offer their goals." The Mandate, "is yet an- Throughout much of the seminar, additional courses regarding lesser HE UNlVERSI'IY OF MICHI­ other step" to make this goal a reality. the administrators celebrated the in- known cultures is, perhaps, a benevo­ gan is "an institution fOWlded The consensus among those admin- creases in minority enrollment as a lent goal. This particular initiative, fot the people, by the people, to istrators attending the meeting was vital step toward the Mandate's effort T n along with any argument concerning serve the people. Its purpose is "to that the U- M has made significant to achieve campus diversity. Yet this affirmative action notwithstanding, the provide education of the highest pos­ progress in this effort toward campus- reliance upon statistics as being a gauge Mandate remains flawed in one impor­ sible quality, but to a far broader seg­ wide diversity. "The num- of success reveals the mis- tant respect: it fails to address the ac­ 'ment of our society." So said James bers we see today/' guided simplicity of the tual origin of a culture. By attempting Duderstadt, President of the Univer­ Duderstadt proclaimed, Mandate. By concentrating to create a multicultural society tlrrough sity of Michigan, during a one-hour "are as encouraging as seen on such superficial charac- the admissions process, the Mandate seminar held on November 16 in the on any college campus in teristics as race, the U-M assumes that a centralized body can Michigan Union. With several other America today." The statis- is viewing students in a col- manufacture culture and then impose high-ranking U-M administrators in tics to which Duderstadt re- lective manner, arranging it on whomever it wishes. Yet culture attendance, the meeting served as an ferred are the significant them into specific groups. does not stem from such a body; in­ update on the progress of the Michigan increases in ~ority en- The U-M is, thus, stead, the ideals, beliefs, values, and Mandate, U-M's effort to increase mi­ rollment at the U-M deemphasizingthetruedi- traditions of individuals defines a cul­ nority enrollment, thus creating a more throughout the past five versifying agent of our so- ture. Only by allowing the individual to diverse campus. years. The percentage ofmi- ciety. individuality. Only by live freely will true culture and diver­ Explaining why he believes the norities on campu,s has grown from focusing upon traits more profoWld and sity grow. By failing to recognize the implementation of the Mandate five 15.4 percent five years ago to nearly 23 important than race - one's individual importance of the individual in this years ago was, and still is, necessary, percent this year. This percentage mind - will true diversity arise .. cultural initiative, the U-M falls short Duderstadt echoed a fonner U-M presi­ marks an all-time high of minorities at Since attending college is an oppor- in its effort to create "an Wlcommon dent. citinlZ «Mich.i~n ' s long commit· . the U- M. Although Duderstadt proudly tunity to explore that which is unknown, education for the common man." m ment to providing an uncommon edu­ i stated that "the numbers reflect the -~------

cation to the common' man/' 'This; he commitment" that the U7M: , ~s o:u\de .I .I.;~:: '.: stated, is the ideal that the U-M sought in regards to diversity, he and the rest Fre,e Speech Debate to embody upon its founding in 1817. of the administrators present stressed Duderstadt, however, also indi­ that additional progress is essential to cated that "the common man at that the future of the University. Resurfaces time [1817) referred primarily to eco­ Although increasing the minority n nomic class. That is, the "common man" representation on campus is one im­ BY Aruc TOSQUI AND KEvIN CcsTELLO debate. held a rather narrow definition through­ portant goal of the Michigan Mandate, On September 20 of this year, Pro­ out much of the l~st 175 years. Re­ Duderstadt explained that its ultimate HE UNDERGRADUATE vost Gilbert R. Whitaker, Jr. announced cently, "the University has broadened goals are far more profound: "to reflect Political Science Association University of Michigan President James that definition to serve increasingly in the nature of our people the rich T (UPSA) will confront the issue Duderstadt's suspension of the Interim broader groups in our society: women, 'diversity of our society," as well as "to of free speech vs. hate speech in its Policy on Discriminatory Harassment racial minorities, students of other na­ recognize that the college campuses of upcoming Jack L. Walker Memorial by Faculty and Staffin the University tions." Despite this effort,Duderstadt today are the crucibles in which the Conference in March. Each year, UPSA Environment as it applied to the aca­ warned that "opening our doors to multicultural/multiracial world cul­ holds a conference on various issues demic setting. broader classes of people is not suffi­ tures of the 21st century will be fonned." which hold relevant importance The retreat from this policy was cient because many of these groups Indeed, the U- M's "job today is to edu­ throughout the campus community and due mainly to its overly broad language have experienced oppression and have cate students [to be] world citizens for society in general. Past conferences regarding discriminatory harassment. been disadvantaged culturally, eco· the 21st century." By increasing the have discussed such issues as the home­ The remainder of the policy still ap­ nomically, [and) socially in American diversity of students, faculty, staff, lead­ less, the arms race, communism, and plies in the context of employment, society.n To counter these disadvan­ ership, and curriculum on campus, the the role of politics in abortio;n. This housing or University activities, dis­ tages, "the University has taken steps Michigan Mandate seeks to capture a year's conference will feature some of criminatory physical harassment, and over the years to transform itself not myriad of cultures, creating a micro­ the foremost thinkers on the subject of sexual harassment by faculty and staff simply to attract students, faculty, and cosm of the world on the U-M campus. free speech. This issue, spurred by a staff of far broader segments of society, In doing so, the U-M hopes "to prepare few recent events, has, once again, found See CONFERENCE, Page 7 but to provide an environment in which students to move out into a far more itself at the forefront of contemporary

I Feel From Suite Get Essay: Detroit BOOk 3 Your Pain 4 One 5 Real 6 .Police in Action g Reviews Jay McNeill says goodbye It's CRISP time again, Are sports America's Take a tour of the Motor Reviews of the latest by to the Review. and LSA counseling religion? City with Detroit's finest. Stephen Hawking and is in serious need Robert Jordan, f some Quidance.

. h". _ ___ .~< ., ~_ ~ ¥' ...... · ..,_ .,_·< ___ "" """"""· "...._..,..,. ~ .... _.. ~_. _ _ .." _"".,.,,..,.....,_ ..~ ...... _;;_~ ..;;.."""_ 2 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW December 1,1993

THE \ 1IelliG -\\ RE\ lEW :".1, fit:';' The Campus Affairs Journal of the o SERPENT'S TOOTH University of Michigan 'Secession is a Right, Not a Privilege'

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: Tracy Robinson Bill Clinton recently said that he hoped Michael should just make an appoint­ similar to the Burton Bell Tower lo­ PUBLISHER: Aaron Steelman that by the end ofrus term, all hand­ ment to see Dr. Kevorkian and truly do cated next to Hill Auditorium. Rumor EXECUTIVE EDITOR: Jay D. McNeill guns would be outlawed. Face it, something to benefit the world. has it that the tower is being built to CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: Eddie Arner, Nate Jamison James A. Roberts II, Brian Schelke America: Your president is a fascist. give engineering students a convenient ------_._-- The Detroit News recently introduced place to jump. ASSISTANT EDITORS: Rachel Cardone, Anc Tosqui Bernie Smilovitz is leaving Channel 4 us to David Kittrell, a 10 year--{)ld De­ MUSIC EDITORS: Chris Peters, Drew Peters after seven years. No more Bernie's troit resident and perhaps America's MSU offensive tackle/tight end Bob COpy EDITOR: Gene Krass Bloopers. No more Geek of the Week. youngest sexist. Said Kittrell of his Denton commenting on the Spartans' CARTOONIST: Terry Lorber CIRCULA TION DIRECTOR: Eric Larson No more little crut-chats with Mort recent trip to Disney World to meet 38-37 loss to Penn State, "We gave up SYSTEMS ANALYST: Milch Rohde and Carmen. No more rapping with the Hillary Clinton, "I wish I .could have a 20-point lead today. We must be MTS COORDINATOR: James Elek cameraman. No more Weekend at asked her about TV violence and what snakebitten." No, Bob, your team just Bernie's. On the other hand, now Chan­ she'd do about it. But I'm not mad. My sucks. EDITORIAL STAFF: Andrew Brown, Mke Burns, Kevin Costello, Joe Epstein, Frank Grabowski, Chauncey nel 4 viewers can get some sports news. questions would have been too hard for Hitchcock, Crusty rvtlncher, Yawar Murad, Greg Parker, her and I didn't want to embarrass her. Bill Clinton recently suggested that Jason Pasatta, Ben Pergament, Matt Rechtien, Howard There is still much debate about The President should answer those the government pay companies $5000 Roark: ArcMec~ Kevin Schaffer, TS Taylor, Perry Thomp- whether or not the people amnting bal­ questions." for each welfare recipient they hire. son, Andy Wu, Yoda lots for the recent Michigan Student Yeah, right. Maybe he should strive for PUBLISHER EMERITUS: Andrew Bockelman Assembly (MSA) elections were drink­ Congratulations to the University of a more attainable goal, like free health EDITOR-AT-LARGE: Tony Ghecea ing, and whether or not the ballot amnt Michigan football team on their thor­ care for everyone in America. EDITORS EMERITI: Adam DeVore, John J. Miler, Jeff was valid. Who really cares? ough dismantling of the Ohio State Muir, Marc Selinger Buckeyes. Now, if John Cooper only Rap star Ice--T was quoted by the De­ The Mchigan Review is an independent, bi-weekly stu- 'The problems of Michael Jackson con­ coached every B~ Ten team, Michigan troit News as saying, "Rapping is ver­ dent-run journal at the University 01 Michigan. We nerther tinue to mount. According to a Detroit would never lose a conference game bal gymnastics; it's making vocals an sokn nor accept monetary donations from the University of News article, he recently fired several again. instrument. With rock, you just try to Mchigan, and we have no respect for anyone that does. ofrus security guards allegedly because get the point across." Actually, Ice, rap Contributions to the Mchigan Review are tax-deductible under Section 501 (c)(3) 01 the Internal Revenue Code. We they knew too much about Michael's 'The University has announced plans to is just a lame excuse for shouting inani­ also have no respect for the IRS, or anyone else who steals exploits with young men. Maybe build a bell tower on North Campus ties at the top of your lungs over an your money. The Review is nol affiliated wtth any political oppresively loud electronically gener~ party, A&W Restaurants, Bobby Gee's, or any other place . :{' ; '1'4:'1 ' '':;'~~; atedbass beat generiillymaking d~ otoorformereditol's.lfyou're readJllg 1tIis; I while you have too much time on your hands, Corey. an ass of yourself. Unsigned ed~orials represent the opinion of the editoriat Bill Clinton, in a Rolling Stone maga­ board. Ergo, they are unequivocably cOllect and just.. You zine interview, recently said, "I have needn~ attempt to disprove the logic that went into their formation, lor you cannot Signed articles and cart oons fought more damn battles here for more represent the opinions of the author and not neces sarily things than any president has in 20 those 01 the Review. The opinions presented in this publi· years with the possible exception of cation are not necessarily those of the advertisers or the JUST Reagan's first budget and not gotten University 01 Michigan. We welcome letters aoo articles and encourage comments about the journal and issues one damn bit of credit from the knee-­ discussed in it We also accept cash, check, and n¥Jney jerk liberal press. I am sick and tired of orders. it, and you can put that in the damn article." Please address all subscription inquiries to: Circulat ion Director clo the Mchigan Review. All advertising inquiries should be directed to: Publisher c/o the Mchigan Re view. In the November 29 issue of the Daily, LSA sophomore Kenneth Swinkin EDITORIAL AND BUSINESS OFFICES: JOIN writes: "We should strive for the aboli­ SUITE ONE tion, or at least the de-emphasizing, of 9t 1 N. UNIVERSITY AVENUE . the formal grading system ... A person's ANN ARBOR, MI 48109-1265 success should be measured by the TEL (313) 662-1909 amount of eagerness and willingness FAX (313) 936-2505 one has, without superficial tokens of [email protected] accomplishment such as grades." Fine. Copyright © 1993, by The Michigan Review, Inc. Weare hereby eager and willing to All rights reserved . IT have Kenneth and all those like him ------leave campus and let the rest of us compete. . WED LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT THE LEITERS to the Editor should be UNCENSORED CONTENT The Michigan Review will be hosting a mass typed and include a phone mim­ OF THIS NEWSPAPER IS ber where the author can be MADE POSSIBLE BY meeting for all interested students on January reached. They can be sent to our THE CONSTIlUTION OF office in the Michigan League or THE UNITED STATES. 23, 1994, at 7:00 p.m., on the third floor of the they can be forwarded electroni­ cally to "The Michigan THE CONSTITIITION Michigan League. Mark your calendars now! The words we live ~

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. ... _"7:,, ~ ~<;;;,_ .;; .• ~:: ~ ___ ...,...,..,..... ~ ~... , ~..., • .,..,..,~ 6t"* OM 1_.$5 December 1, 1993 ThE MICHIGAN REVIEW 3 o I FEEL YOUR PAIN I'm OutfaHere, Baby

BY JAY D. McNEILL King, Reginald Denny, or Malice Green odd group of people. On the one hand, dollar in mind, I usually maneuvered a cases. I'm ~lking about a fl.mdamental our staff consists of a bunch of bible­ nice cryptic answer "Well, the official HIS IS PROBABLY THE LAST flaw in our system, specifically the jus­ thumping, God- fearing, flag-waving, campus newspaper is the Michigan piece I'll ever write for the Re­ tices who rule the courts. Instead of do-gooder Christians. Then there are Daily. We are the alternative to them. T view. I am supposed to write a interpreting the law as written, these people like me, P.J . O'Rourke Republi­ We come out once every two weeks and retrospective column about my years at judges aetas a bunch of self- appointed cans; we believe in loud music, speed­ have a press run of about 10,000 cop- this publication; some sort of touchy­ saviors to the American people and ing on the Interstates, union- busting, ies." feely " Oh-l-wish-l~idn't-have-t.o-go. Kennedy assassins, corporate That was usually enough informa­ I've- learned-so- m uch-here. 1'11- raiders, the almighty dollar, tion for us to move on to a different never-forget- this-place" emotion­ Darth Vader, making fun of ani­ subject, and I'd breathe a sigh of relief, filled pile of crap. mals because they have no ability because the fact is I'm sick of the Re­ Forget it. I've been reminiscing to reason, and the beauty of view. I'm sick of working for it and about my experiences at the Rev"i€w for nuclear power. talking about it. Yes, I have received a couple of months now. You see, the 'The Review as a whole, how­ from the Rev"i€w a view of the world not past few months have been recruiting ever, is relatively united. We're fOlUld anywhere else at this university, season at the business school and with­ against speech codes, affirmative but I've been here for over three years out fail, each corporate interviewer I action, Michigan State, losers who and I'm ready to move on to something had would inevitably tlll1l. our conver­ cry to the government for help, else. sation to the Review. "So, how did you losers who work in the govern­ I know past editors have felt [sic!!!] get involved with the Michigan Re­ ment and actually attempt to help the same way toward the end of their v"i€w?" they would all ask. those who cry for help, and any­ careers here. I'll never forget the look Each time I would search my brain Sorry, son. I'm officially retired from the Review. thing that the U-M administra­ former editor-in~efBrian Jendryka for the standard "Michigan Rev"i€w An­ tion does. We're in favor of rug­ had on his face as he officially handed swer" and out would come: "Well, dur­ decide, based on their own views of ged individualism, equality before the over his duties to his successor. It was ing my first week on campus my fresh­ morality which laws are to be enforced law, judges who interpret the law as a look of happiness, excitement, and man year, I picked up a copy of the and which are not. It's- a complete farce. written, Ronald Reagan, free markets, glee. But most of all, it was a look of Review, read it, liked what I saw, and "'The Rev"i€w has taught me to be a low taxes, and the Wall Street Joumals relief. joined in January. I think I've learned Social Darwinist, too. I don't think there ~torial page." You should see my face as I write more at the Review than I have any­ should be Social Security, Medicare, But once again, with the almighty this last sentence. Ml. wh ere else during my time at Michi­ Medicaid, farm subsidies, or any other gan. It has truly been a rewarding ex­ form of . gQv~nuneQ.tal:w:e lfa,re p!l,y ~ perience for me." ments. Nor do Hhlnkwell ofprivatE( "How so?" charity groups. People involved in them This was the tough part. I would are wasting their time. They should be like to have said something to the effect spending time on making themselves of, "Well, I have learned what a disgust­ more productive. I say screw people ing institution government is. Because who can't compete in the free market; of the Review, I now think that the they're not worth my time or anyone bureaucrats in Lan~ing and in Wash­ else's energy. I hope your organization ington are among the most revolting doesn't involve itself in charity work, and immoral individuals alive today. because if it does, I refuse to work for They live off the sweat of the brows of you. others. They arrogantly pass their la­ "Finally, because of the Review, I bor, environmental, and civil rights leg­ no longer use the words 'feel,' 'fair,' or islation on to business as if they view 'free.' They're a disgrace to reason." No Gimmicks themselves as the only avenue of jus­ Yes, I would have like to have said tice in this country. What a joke. that, but I wan~d a job, too. So I usu­ No Come-ons "The Review has taught me that ally just skirted the question altogether: [SSG" .£be Ie .e'he Republicans are just as 'much to blame "Well, the Review has improved my for this governmental morass. I used to writing skills tremendously. I spend a be a typical reactionary Republican, good portion of my time in the office believing that the GOP could do no either editing or writing, so I'm con­ wrong. But after watching Bob Dole stantly being exposed to different writ­ compromise on health care and watch­ ing styles and techniques. I've probably ing Orrin Hatch vote 'yea' on Ruth learned more about writing from the Bader Ginsburg, I find myself just as editing process than I have from actu­ turned off from the GOP as I am from ally writing because editing forces you the Democratic, er, Democrat Party. to step back from a piece and analyze it Maybe even more so. At least the Dems from a distance. You don't have that 59YEARS aren't afraid to stick up for their beliefs. luxury when you write." "I've also learned that the justice "So what exactly is the Review?" system in this country is a total crock. they would ask. And I'm not talking about the Rodney Another toughie. I'd loved to have answered: "We were founded in 1981 ~E THAN A BOOKSTORE Jay D. McNeill is a senior in business because the Michigan Daily, the offi­ 549 East University· 662-3201 administrotion and executive editor of cial campus newspaper, was being run Mon-Frl9 to 6 Sat 9:30 to 5 Sun Noon to 4 the Review. by a bunch of comtnunists. We're lfIl

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n"~'· " · " > """-' ·""""""" · '''''''''''''''' ~ '''' '' .• '''''. ~ '''''· ,'''',''''''','''',""'_,,,_ r,'"""_~' ~ M,.. ·,.,~.",•. -,-,,,, ;o.'/,,;,'<""'_·~~~';';;W~""' "'*""""'_"'''':t» RL~~ ~ ~~__ .... _ ...... """ ___ __..., _ . 4 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW September 8, 1993 FROM SUITE ONE o M·,.EV fl.' \ LSA Counseling.Needs To Be Revamped s CRISP TIME COMES AND GOES, IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THERE are many needless hassles which students endure - hassles which usually A go unnoticed and uncorrected. one such problem concerns the University of Michigan's academic counseling services. Students seldom need to use counselors f for purposes other than CRISPing, and by that time, it is often too late for them to VOTc:. '" get help. In the College of Literature, Science, and the Arts, one must navigate a bureaucratic quagmire in order to get anything accomplished. Granted, this is a huge university, one of the largest in the country. But this is also the 90s. We have entered the age of computers. Why is it, then, that the red tape involved in the registration process is longer than the Freedom Trail? It is extremely difficult for students to secure appointments in the period of time before and during CRISP. 'The lines outside of Academic Counseling are often more than fifty persons long. Students are not allowed to ask counselors questions over the phone, a perplexing fact which further limits their access to counselors. In addition, the simple task of obtaining a counselor's signature in order to CRISP VOTE) makes life extremely stressful for students in the Honors program. SU~f~ \ Sf!.t) _ The Academic Counseling Office's hours run from 8: 15a.m.-11:45a.m . and Ip.m.-4:3Op.m., Monday through Friday; from 11:45-1:00, the office closes for lunch. For many students, these hours are tremendously inconvenient. That need A Funny Cartoon That We Borrowed not be the case. Simply staggering the lunch breaks of the thirty general counselors, for example, would allow more time to accomodate·a greater number of students. Academic Counseling could also consider extending holll'S and possibly adding BOme week-end hours to its schedule. . More importantly, however, only thirty counselors serve all the freshmen, the sophomores who have not declared a major, and any jUniors and seniors with general questions. 'IllirtY counselors are obviously not sufficient to accomodate the large number of students which that ijgure encompasses, all of whom must CRISP ~~~~ .... ,;. i ' ".:: I ' ....: .:' : i/.;:·,.:",:i, for courses. While the prospect of the .Univer1!lity hi.ringmo~ p~QPl~ m~Y : in:e~ fattening the U-M bureaucracy even more, it seems only reasonable that U-M admissions should somehow secure more counselors to handle the CRISP- time \-\\j\-\·HuH tlUH -HUH load. Concentration advising appointments, however, often make general counseling Hlj\1-HuH appointments appear easy. DepartInents such as economics and biology do not f\U\\·HUH! have their offices in Angell Hall, which forces students to play musical buildings HUH -'-' UH! in order to check their standings. No student should have to go to each department to decipher a rather conf\lsing system without help. Furthermore, all the pertinent infonnation about a student'g'academic record is contained i4 a single copy of a single file. If this copy is lost, the student will face obvious difficulties. Dealing with counselors is all too often an ingratifying, if not fruitless experience. One doubts what purpose certain counselors really serve. One counselor advised a freshman to take 18 credits her first semester. When that same freshman returned later in the semester for advice about dropping a class, a second counselor told her that her previous counselor was crazy to advise a freshman to take 18 credits. When different counselors disagree over wha t should be clearly-determined questions, and counselor assignment is completely random, there is a definite problem with the system. When students suffer as a result of such poor advice, the University fails them. Counselors are supposed to counsel and help students. Yet many students believe that they are totally on their own when it comes to academic problems. When students need real advice, such as whether or not to withdraw from a class, they need support. They do not need to watch their problems land on deaf ears, or o FROM OUR READERS simply get a withdraw slip, and have the problem considered solved. There needs to be more communication between the various departments and Real Radicals at the Michigan Review? academic advisors. There should be a faster way of updating student files, to see you've finally erased that awful especially concerning the English Composition Board and foreign language To the Editor: slogan "We are the Establishment" requirements. There needs to be a stronger sense of individuality, despite the size When you say, "Patrice Maurer, from your masthead and replaced it of this campus. Catherine MacKinnon, Corey Dolgan, and their radical counterparts;" with such commendable sentiments A good computer system and a better- trained staff would solve most of these all (Review, October 20 , 1993) you imply as "We hate the State" and "Anarchy problems. One student in the Honors program reflected that the secretary, Beverly : that Maurer, MacKinnon, and Dolgan is not chaos." Perhaps you are the Blake, was more helpful in many situations than the counselors themselves. These real radicals, eh? bureaucratic problems would not be that hard to solve. Students have enough on are not radicals. I suspect you mean their minds, especially with final exams and the holidays creeping up, without "radical brethren," or "fellow Jesse Walker having to encounter building hopping, more long lines, and seemingly useless radicals," or some such. Class of '91 paperwork. Mt ' , , . ~ a more p~~~ve l n~te , rm glad

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BY ToNY GHECEA New initiates should know our he's right. Sports - for me, for my once again. This column lies unfinished songs of exultation. "Hail to the Vic­ friends, for most Americans - are an on the table before me. I want to work TS SATURDAY AFTERNOON, tors" is our primary song, followed by idol, something with more importance on it, but I don't around 100 p.m., and I have to "Let's Go Blue" (both sung with orches­ in our lives than just about anything I remember a quote which Edward I make the choice again. Do I write tral accompaniment). "Defense" and else. Sometimes more than God. Gibbon cites to Bede in Decline and this column, or watch football? Home­ ''Bulls-t'' are commonly recited chants, The answer I usually hear when I Fall of the Roman Empire. Bede de­ work has always been my top priority, as is the terse exhortation, "Go Blue." make this criticism - and it is a criti- scribes the ancient Coliseum of Rome: but an hour or two of college sports This last chant, each cism, for the term "'As long as the Coliseum stands, Rome would be so soothing to my coursework­ word of which is ut­ "idol" implies the shall stand; when the Coliseum falls, ra. vaged soul . tered in tlUl1 by a dif­ misplacement of ow' Rome will fall; when Rome falls, the I have already turned down t wo ferent group of50, OO O spiritual priorities - world will fall .... The Coliseum, home to opportunities t.o play sports toda y. I parishioners, is rous­ is that television, not gladiators, the Roman circus, to so many planned to play basketball with friends ing, to say the least sports, is our prob­ forms of Roman entertainment, was so on North Campus this morning, but If you are lucky, lem. We're a genera­ intertwined with the life of Rome that this column killed that endeavor An­ you may witness a tion ofcouch potatoes, its death necessarily precipitated the other group of friends asked me to play miracle in our church. goes the response. Yet demise of one of the greatest civiliza­ football at noon, but I had to excuse Many great exploits while that may be tions the world has.. ev er known myselffrom that game as well. h a ve crossed our tDle, it's beside the Comparisons between America and Television sports, however, turn me stage, from last-sec­ point. We have sports Rome always haunt me. Is Rome's ex­ into a spectator - they call for no more ond touchdowns to channels, sports re­ ample a blemish in the mirror of his­ energy or time than that required to lift goal-line stands. . caps, sports-casters, tory which we would do well to avoid "Forget the game. I'm off to pray." and press a remote. They offer the ex­ Many prophets have centers, and stations, reflecting? Does Rome's fatal preoccu­ citement of athletic entertainment with­ entered the afterlife, the NFL, after sports replays, sports sections, sports pation with sports and mass entertain­ out the strain of physical exercise, all in gracing our pulpit. Perhaps you will see simulcasts, cards, and statistics. I could ment forebode some time in our future the comfort of my living room. And with the incarnation ofll Lord of the Maize say more, but you'd get sick. Maybe you when sports will, as with our Roman a remote on the table before me, how and Blue. It is, to be sure, an epiphany already are. Television is only the car­ forebears, be the death of us? It sounds can I resist? Yet I do. not to be missed. rier; sports are the disease. far-fetched, to be sure. Whether it's This is not a new dilemma for me. It true, I really don't know. And I don't is not a conflict I can easily resolve. On Sports are not simply an American It is 6:00 p.m. on Saturday evening. think I want to know. The parallel this particular afternoon I choose the pastime. They are the national reli­ I have spent the day watching football seems too troubling to consider.m lack- of-concentra tion compromise: I gion. 111ey contain all the excitement, procrastinate .. I put James Brown in entertainment, and revelation that or­ ,., the stereo and toss a few lines at this ganized religion, with its cold pews, column onto a page. But the desire to doctrinaire sennons, and dated spiri­ Hate The Wake up sat.e my savor for sports is too gr eat. I tual dogma lacks. One need look no have fought the good fight, valiantly, further than the nwnber of people in­ at the but in the end I must succumb. volved in each pursuit to see where the Review? hearts of Americans truly lie . A game J U~_ Saturday is Michigan's Sabbath. by the last- place Detroit Tigers draws Saturday is when Michigan fans make at least 15,000 fans, while three Sun­ Then vent your a Hajj. Saturday hHhe day that over day masses at the average Catholic 100,000 souls undertake their pilgrim­ church are fortunate to attract a total frustration. Breakfast Special: age to worship at Michigan Stadium. of 300. Consider that churchgoers don't The mass they come for is football. The even have to pay to attend their service, Simply, write the Review with 2 Eggs sermon is the final score. I am a keeper and the picture looks even worse. your top three reasons why 2 cakes of the faith. Our creed is not hard to It is no coincidence that most sport­ you think we are a bunch of learn. Faith, hope, and charity and the ing events occur on Saturdays or Sun­ Hashbrowns greatest of these is football. days, the two main holy days of most ill-tempered right-wingers. To visit our churcp-, you'll need a near-Eastern faiths. These are days of We will choose the ten best Bacon, Ham or Sausage Michigan sweatshirt, a Michigan cap, relaxation, days set aside for the cessa­ and run them in our and 80 dollars for a student season tion of work and indulgence of spirit. January 19 issue. n ticket. A cowbell is optional, but recom­ Saturday and Sunday, however, have $3 mended, as it will accord you the status been commandeered by sports, rede­ of a church elder - he who clangs the fmed as the high holy days of football, But wait, there's more. Those of you lucky enough to have a cowbell leads the chants. basketball, baseball, and golf. THE BROWN JUG Provided you have brought your Like many Americans, when the submission selected will 1204 S. UNNERSnY ticket, men in maize and blue raincoats weekend comes I put a stop to all my receive a free Review tee-shirt, ANN ARBOR. MI will usher you to your place of worship. labor and observe the nearest game. just what you always wanted. By no means are you bound to stay On the few occasions when I'm home 761-3355 there - Michigan is a charismatic with my parents (and under the gaze of church, so we'll let you sit where you parental scrutiny) my father will scold So get cracking and tell us like. Just make sure you aren't caught me for watching sports. "He's watching what you think about the in the wrong spot - your fellow wor­ his god again," he'll warn my mother, Review. Send your letters to: shippers can get awfully angry if de­ "He put his idol on TV again." Write the REVIEW nied their rightful space. My father is a deeply spiritual man. The Review Sucks For him, nothing comes before God. Yet 911 N . University Ave., Suite One 911 N. University, Ste. 1 Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265 Tony Gh€coo is a senior in English and even as I tell him to bug off and leave Ann Arbor, MI 48109 editoT'-at-large of the Review. me alone, I cannot avoid realizing that

«.~>~' < > '_'" >" ';"'~: ';"';': ='="' ''<;'''''''''''~~''''c.;","F''' ''''''"' f''''\W''''4~Y,'-JlV~ "'N _~~W:""+">~l"'h~"-"'_~~_. _' .. ..~i')!!? : 5 ~w 4R ' 4 • ."IF ~ ~ •• -" December I, 1993 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW 6 o EsSAY An Average.Night In Detroit

BY Aruc TOSQUl occur daily in the city in these forgotten almost three times the legal limit. tutes. One was only 15 years old! lower-middle and lower class neigh­ At about 7:10 p.m. we went to a Prostitution is quite prevalent in E'VE GROWN UP WITH borhoods. Out of sight, Out of mind. gang hangout recently raided by the the city. At least half of the prostitutes Charlie's Angels, Adam-12, "'The neighborhoods live in fear. narcotics team. Packard searched the are HIV positive, and most use drugs. WC.H.I.P.S., Barney Miller, The people sleep in their basements premises while Jones stood guard at Pimps have been replaced by "spotters" I;lawaii Five-O, Hill Street Blues, and have hood attachments on their the entrance. We left at 7:20. who look after the prostitutes. Starsky and Hutch, Magnum P.I., doors and windows to deflect bullets," Around 7:25 p.m., we happened Some prostitutes not only sell their Baretta, Highway Patrol, Kojak, and Packard said. "But it is all normal to upon a scene where members of the bodies to others, but also engage in Dirty Harry. Each provides a view of them, and they cannot afford to move Cash Flow Posse gang were arguing on mugging. For example, when truckers police life. But are these mediums real­ out. This is the only place they know. someone's lawn. We twned the comer, come down Michigan Avenue and rest, istic interpretations? Many were born here, lived their lives went down one block; prostitutes take advan­ In the last issue of the Review, I here, and will die here." then turned down an al­ tage. 'The truckers uti­ spoke of my experiences with the Uni­ This description, along with com­ ley. Driving through the lize their services and versity of Michigan's Department of mon sense will tell you that the activi­ alley, I contemplated the while they are engaged, Public Safety (DPS). Since then, I have ties in Detroit are much different than gang problem in Detroit. a spotter opens the cab attempted to broaden my understand­ those in the U-M community. Detroit Kids young and old door, only to put a gun to ing of police life by observing a more has a huge gang problem; Ann Arbor are in gangs. They join the back of the lillSUS­ mature force - the Detroit Police. does not. Detroit is 'plagued with vio­ for a sense of belonging. pecting victim's head. At 3:47 p.m., on November 23, I lence; Ann Arbor is not. The Detroit If you are in a neighbor­ The set-up is great for \ anived at the 4th Precinct, located on police can't handle the full magnitude hood, you are generally the muggers; the victims West Fort. This precinct has the larg­ of crime; the DPS often has to wait for in the local gang. It is a cannot report what hap­ est jurisdiction in the entire Detroit something to happen. form of protection for in­ pened without admit­ police force - from Junction to the At 4:15 p.m. we received a call about dividual survival. It is also a form of ting to illegal behavior. Detroit River, Michigan Avenue to a family dispute. When we arrived, the recreation for the kids - after all, there This adds another burden to the Warren, Outer Drive on the West side, situation was under control. A woman's is nothing else for them to do outside of heavy load the police have to carry. Not Allen Park, Ecol13e, and Melvendale. niece had been causing trouble in the schooL only do they have to watch for drug flow This area is plagued with gang vio­ household. As she was asked to leave, My thoughts were interrupted as a and gang violence, but prostitution as lence, drugs, and prostitution. That the niece became violent and tried to­ loud gunshot rang out. The squad zipped well. Coupled with this is the notion of night, I would be accompanying car 4- stab her aunt. The family ganged up on around the comer and proceeded back gangs controlling the prostitutes and 8, patrolling from 4p.m. to 12 a.m ...rrhis her and forced her to leave. We left the to the house. We discovered that a gang running the schemes. It is as if the precinct also covers the most danger­ scene at 4:30 p.m. member had fIred .a shotgun at an­ understaffed police don't have enough ous parts of the city. At 4:40 we checked on a handi­ other, but missed. After the situation on their hands. Not only would I observe a very capped man who someone reported was under control, we left. Later, we responded to an assault turbulent area, but I would accompany mssing for four days. Neighbors we At 8:00 p.m., we , along with five and battery call. After reaching the two experienced officers who had a lot questioned told us that they had seen other squad cars, set up surveillance on residence where the incident took place, to offer to my observations. him a day earlier. We left at 5:30. a known drug dealer who is wanted for the lady of the house claimed that the Jerry Packard was the senior offi­ At 6:30 p.m., after patrolling for a shooting at a police officer. As the per­ situation was under control. cer escorting me on my ride. He is 47 while, we arrived at an accident scene. petrator came out of the house, police After leaving the premises, we years old and has been a member of the We transported the man who caused surrounded the scene and arrested him. heard a gunshot from a different loca­ force for 23 ye~.rs. His partlter that the accident by driving under the influ­ 50 minutes later, we responded to a tion. As we went to the scene, more evening was Paul JOI\es, 32 years old, ence. Unfortunately, his children were call signifying a hold-up at a local party shots rang out, but these were not hand­ with 8 years of experience. passengers in one of the vehicles in­ store. After arriving, the store owner gun or shotgun shots; these were the The events I will describe are as volved in the accident. While there were said that his young son accidentally sounds of a different kind of weapon. real as life itself and are not uncommon no fatalities, the kids were injured. One triggered the silent alarm. We left the After arriving on the scene, we discov­ to the ~troit police. In fact, these events little girl almost lost her eye. premises at 9:00. 'The officers wanted ered that someone was flring a ma­ Following his arrest and subse­ me to understand what exactly occurs chine gun. Aric Tosqui is ajunior in political sci· quent transport to the station, he un· in the city. They showed me things you At 1010 p.m., we were tipped off ell{:e and communication and an assis· derwent a breathalyzer test As it turned don't see on C.O.P.S . or any other po­ about crack being sold at a nearuy house. tant editor of the Review. out, his blood-alcohol level was .29%, lice-oriented show. This is the scene As we went to the scene, Packard no­ that the media hides from the public ticed the dealer outside with his drugs. and that the government tries to keep After a small chase and a search, I was To join tfie Michigan Review's computer con­ as quiet as possible. permitted to enter the dwelling. ference, slgnon to the Michigan Terminal During the evening we visited a Once again, the same repugnant System (MTS ) and type "Ssource "smoke-house." These are usually lo­ stench reached my olfactory senses as I cated across the street from crack walked into the building. I saw the MREV:Forum" at the # prompt. houses, and are used by the chug dealer's most disgusting conditions that I have customers to use their new purchases. ever seen. 'The sink was filled with vile Individuals of all political persuasions are in­ As I entered this vile place, the stench objects and the kitchen was disheveled. vited to join the ongOing discussions about the overwhelmed me. The police arrested the individual Inside I saw about ten people, all and questioned him. 'The man refused Code, national health care, education, gender strung out on heroin, crack, and co­ to answer anything and asked for his neutral language. and more. caine. There were syringes, crack pipes, lawyer. He had 51 heat-sealed packets dime bags, and mirrors everywhere. of crack and $770 dollars in cash on If you need help signIng on. see a consultant at a 'The people looked bad; they were him, probably having made that in six computing center, or check out the "Quicknotes" on dressed poorly and had diseased-look­ hou.rs. He was 18 years old. ing skin. Afterwards, I was told that all After bringing the youth back to MTS available at computing centers. of the women in the place were prosti- the station, the officers were swamped

-,-~-~""...... ~,,,,,----,,,,~.. --.,,,,,,,,-.-~'\'!!'t,~\li.:;:; ;:;:::;;::;; ,,;;SAm 4 X ,;JJIMfjw pecernber 1, 1993 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW 7

with paper work and the night ~e to officers spend an hour or two in the • and trained, all paid for by the taxpay-­ hinderance and don't perform their a close. . station instead of on the road? The"· "ps. But what happens to the family duty. Perhaps, but I wouldn't want to I learned much from that ride and answer is paperwork, and lots of jt. that is burglarized during Christmas get rid of them. In fact, I would be the escorting officers. I gained some After every arrest or citation, there is a time? What happens to the families willing to pay more to have more police knowledge and experience in a life ton of bureaucratic paperwork to fill that are held up or victims of car patrolling. I would support increasing which is kept quiet. This experience out and file. jackings? What happens to them? Oh their pay - they deserve it. made me think critically about the Moreover, with an increase in well. Sorry. We1l put the criminal away What our society and government criminal justice system. crimes and arrests comes an increase and spend $30,000 of your dollars per lacks is respect for law enforcement. First, it gave insight into training in caseloads for pub­ year to support him. Some say that the departments brought procedures. Clearly, the DPS police lic defendants. Thus, The Malice this upon themselves, but what would have the superior training, but what a "court-clog" is cre­ Green incident also happen if they were not around and \ good is it ifit isn't put to use? Moreover, ated in which some put a dent into the your mere presence in a dangerous what good is it ifit's not accompanied cases are not consid­ Detroit police force. neighborhood would pose a threat to with experience? Years of training can­ ered to be important I am not belittling your life? not teach what can be learned in a short and are therefore Green's death, but I Detroit is an example of a govern­ time on patrol in a city like Detroit. thrown out. think citizens' reac­ ment that doesn't respond to the needs "The officers," Jones said, "develop Additionally, tions to his death ofit's citizens. It forgot the lower class a sixth sense that comes not only with there is a problem dealt a serious blow and it forgot the enforcers of the law. repetition, but paying attention to what . with the liberal ide­ to law enforcement. Hopefully, newly-elected mayor Den­ you are doing." These officers see the ology of the legalsys­ Moreover, the nis Archer will help fix the problem. same things day after day: shootings, tem as a whole. The community's re­ Bringing in business will certainly help. robberies, and deatJl. courts seem to con­ sponse was over­ Increasing the number of police officers Nor can the officers be lazy. They centrate on the whelming. They will help. ( have to pay attention at all times. If rights of the crimi­ . erected a shrine in I saw things that are kept hidden they don't, they could end up dead. nal without consid- his memory. What from the public. It is time that such

It is true that the Detroit police ering the rights of L'______-- about the police knowledge is brought out into the mjUn­ force is lacking in training, but what the victim and the Excuse me while I flog that jaywalker. killed in the line of stream and acknowledged. Only then alternative is there? The department is whole of society. duty? will society solve such problem~. m so understaffed and busy on the street When people are in jail, they make As I saw the RIPs painted on the, that there is no time to spare five to money everyday. They actually get paid walls and listened to the various sto­ seven officers for a week of training. a certain wage per day to sit in their ries Jones and Packard had to tell, I .. -~I,tt ., ~ I also learned about the problems ...cells! Moreover, they are clothed, fed thought of the role of the police. bureaucracies cause. Why is it that three meals a day, housed, educated, Some say the police are a

CONFERENCE Continued from Page 1

This retreat, some argue, was inevi­ claimed the right to limit hateful lan­ is bound by such Constitutional provi­ be insulted in the cause of an unfettered f table due to the general scope of its guage and actions so as not to hamper sions on speech. exchange ofinfbrmation. Because that content. the atmosphere for a quality education. "The suspension was not a retreat is the raison d'etre of a university, we This specific argument dates back U-M law professor Catharine from a fmn University position against would do best to use the laws of com­ to April 15, 1988, when the University MacKinnon has repeatedly argued that discriminatory harassment," claimed mon courtesy rather than enact codes." Regents approved the controversial hate speech against minority groups Whitaker. He added that this kind of Many will be surprised to find that speech code governing verba! and physi­ denies them equal rights and, there­ harassment was still prohibited by the free speech verses hate speech de­ cal behavior considered hahnful. fore, is not necessarily deserving of Regental Bylaw 14.06, which reads, bate is far from polarized. In fact, many In September of 1989, federal Dis­ protection under the First Amendry.ent. "the University is committed to a policy of the arguments overlap. trict Judge Avern Cohn declared this The Supreme Court holds a much of non-discrimination and equal op­ For example, it is possible for one to code unconstitutional. This, in turn, different opinion. On June 22, 1992, portunity for all persons regardless of agree that a policy which discourages brougllt about the University's interim the Court unanimously ruled that a st. race, sex, color, religion, creed, national hate or bias speech appropriate, and policy. Paul, Minnesota ordinance, which made origin or ancestry, age, marital status, yet claim that the University's 1988 Many thought that this policy, al­ hate speech or bias crimes punishable sexual orientation, disability, or Viet­ policy was too broad. though more specific than its predeces­ by law, was unconstitutional. nam-era veteran status." The bylaw This is the position held by Cass A sor, was still too vague in assessing In the case R.A. V. v. St. Paul (in was recently revised to include sexual Sunstein, a Law professor at the Uni­ First Amendment protection. In 1991, which a white teenager, Robert A. orientation. versity of Chicago Law School. He stated President George Bush, speaking at Viktora, burned a cross on the lawn of Many question the University's in his recently published book, Democ­ commencement in Michigan Stadium, a black family), Justice Antonin Scalia, ability to judge the constitution~ty of racy arld the Problem of Free Speech, stated, "Freedom of speech is under writing for the majority of the Supreme speech in its classrooms. Carl Cohen, that "the Michigan ban was far too assault throughout the United States" Court, stated, "The point of the First U-M professor of philosophy, states, broad". The provisional conclusion is Speaking on the notion of political cor­ Amendment is that majority prefer­ "But this is not within our constitu­ that a public university should be al­ rectness, he went on to say, "it replaces ences must be expressed in some fash­ tional authority; policing the speech, lowed to regulate hate speech in the old prejudices with new ones. It de­ ion other than silencing speech on the even of menial workers, is not our duty form of epithets, but that it should be clares certain topics off-limits, certain basis of its content." or our right; we ought to get. out of the prohibited from reaching very far be­ expressions off~limits, even certain Soon after, the University found business of regulating what people say, yond epithets to forbid the expression gestures off-limits. What began as a itself in a dilemma. Walter Harrison, even if they say offensive things, and of views on public issues, whatever those cause for civility has soured into a cause Director of University Relations, told we ought to get out of that business views may be." of conflict and even censorship." the New York Times shortly after the completely. " The determination of the Univer­ Both the speech code and the fol­ Supreme Court decision, ''The ruling is Charles R. Eisendrath, associate sity to enact a clear ~d coherent policy, lowing interim policy attempted to regu­ a matter of concern to us because some professor of communication and direc­ as well as the tenacity of the absolute late certain forms of expression in an of the Court's opinion would invalidate tor of the Michigan Journalism Fellows free speech advocates to see such mea­ attempt to provide a balanced educa­ part of our policy [sic]." As a public Program, concurrently states, "Living sures left on the table, are obvious signs tional environment. The University institution, the University of Michigan in a free society implies a willingness to that this debate i.e far from over.m

·-" " "'~_~'"' '''' ~~< ' '"'~''''''~'''''''''' ~''"'''''''''''='W''"''''''~'~''''''"''~''''''''',,(''''~'"\--~"'i"~~_r"'''''''~¥''''''''''·~4mo..~~»'~11~Jt'\!K.\f'''''\l-~'<~;~~'!N,'''k t( J:l\'!lo11OlllM 4*'## 8 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW December 1, 1993 o CAMPUS EVENT Clinton Health Plan Questioned

BY RACHEL CAROONE lem in the minds of only one percent of such systems, and they tend to be lo­ it has in countries such as Canada. all Americans. Why then, is national­ cated in centralized areas. As a result, Americans tend to place a great deal of HEN YOU THINK OF ized health care so important to the patients who live faraway have limited. emphasis on the first few days and last prevailing issues in our soci­ Clinton administration? access to major facilities. Additionally, few years of a person's life. Americans Wety today, does health care Under Clinton's proposed plan, the there are long waits for treatment, and tend to want braces, nose jobs, and life come to mind? In a speech November 18 government would subsidize health care specialization among doctors is mini­ support. They tend to frequent chiro­ at the Modern Languages Building, for the uninsured. Put simply, it means mal. The quality of care decreases, and practorswhen they have back pains, Tom Scholl, Executive Director of the that the taxpayers would pay the bills doctors have less incentive to perform and they tend to wait until there is a The Heartland Institute, a Michigan for people who are not covered by their well because there is no competition problem before getting it fixed, rather based think tank, claimed that health employers. between them in the market. than preventing the problem in the care is the country's most pressing prob- Scholl presented an overview of the American culture differs from Eu­ first place. As a result, the amount of problems with socialized medicine. To ropean and Canadian culture and, as a money spent on health care in America Rachel Cardone is a freshman in LSA start, fewer hospitals exist (proportion­ result, socialized health care would is greater than in other countries. The ami an assistant editor of the Review. ally) in countries that function under produce even worse results than what problem with our system, Scholl ar­ gued, exists in the government's man­ dates on employer's plans. These pro­ grams often include various items that RESERYE OFFICERS' TRAINING COR P S can easily be done without, like mar­ riage counseling, drug treatment, and hair transplants. Studies that compare the United States to other nations are also falla­ cious, according to Scholl. There are fundamental issues pertaining to American society that such studies ig­ nore. "An increase in drug use in this country," he said, '1eads to health~e problems. Addiction leads to other health problems." And, as he pointedly stated, by ma:kingdnlgs illega1 ;lpe'op l ~ ' 'ar,e lesa likeIYttQ:he t;reated wnen they need it, which leads to the addiction. Scholl also mentioned teenage preg­ nancy as a major problem related to health care. Children. of teens tend to have lower birth weights, smaller head size, and often, physical problems. Should the brunt o(the cost of health care be placed on the taxpayer? Scholl's stand was a defiant no. Rather, he suggested deregulation of the health care industry as a solution to its prob­ lems. Scholl expressed solid concerns about the passing of Clinton's yet to be released plan. With an ultimate in­ crease in the size of government and a GET MONEY FROM YOUR UNCLE INSTEAD. decrease in the quality of health care, the quality of life as we know it will Your Uncle Sam. Every year Army fees. They even pay a flat rate for text­ suffer. Unless Americans are willing to ROTC awards scholarships to hundreds books and supplies. You can also receive change their habits and culture, the of talented students. If you qualify, an allowance of up to $1000 each burden on the system could be devas­ these merit-based scholarships can school year the scholarship is in tating. m help you pay tuition and educational k:: «:,' effect. Find out today if you qualify Learn the Review's

ARMY ROTC IF «J) if1b fl ©l ©l ~ 1TIl THE SMARTEST COWGE COURSE YOU CAN TAlE. §~~if~~§ v Call v For details, visit Room 131, North Hall or call 1-900-HOT-BABE 764-2400 Views expressed by the hoi babes are not necessarily of those of the Review, but they should be. If you think this is for real then you don't deserve to be.t this university.

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December I, 1993 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW 9 o BOOK REVIEWS Stephen Hawking Talks Science

BY BRIAN ScHEFKE believe that there is an impending con­ of the universe. for the most part, is still true. clusion to theoretical physics. Hawk­ One of the most informative chap­ Black holes, according to Hawking, TEPHEN HAWKING, PHYSI­ ing dismisses this notion by pointing ters of the book is entitiled The Quan­ have important implications in finding cist and author of the 1988 best out that even if current models of the tum Mechanics of Black Holes, in which a "unified theory" to describe every­ Sseller, A Brief History of Time, universe survive their initial tests, "it Hawking describes the behavior of black thing in the universe. Black holes may presents us with more insight on the will probably be some years more be­ holes in relation to quantum theory. lead to alternative "baby universes" workings of the universe with Black fore we develop computational meth­ Most people have heard of black holes, which can then rejoin with our own. Holes and Baby Universes. Unlike his ods that will enable us to 'Ibis may lead to increased uncertainty make predictions and ... in predictions made by any potential Black Holes and Baby Uni­ account for the initial con­ "unified theory" and, hence, physicists ditions of the universe." may not be able to predict as much verses and Other Essays Hawking expounds on about the universe as they hope. Stephen Hawking his ideas about the origin The one major drawback of Bantam Books and the future of the uni­ Hawking's newest book is that many of Hardcover, 175 pages verse. A major challenge the essays and lectures are addressed for him has been to formu­ toward fellow academics. The reader, $21.95 late a model of the uni­ therefore, might feel the need for some verse that accounts for the scientific background in order to un­ previous book, Black Holes and Baby existence of a "singular- derstand many of the ideas Hawking Univers€$ is a collection of essays and ity" (commonly referred to . describes. Most readers, therefore, lectures spanning sixteen years of as the Big Bang) without Discovering the secrets of the universe might do well to read A BriefHistory of Hawking's career. the breakdown of the laws of physics. but here Hawking provides clarifica- Time first, which Hawking intended as Readers of this book will be struck This is in direct contradiction to the tion on just what black holes are and a "popular" science book. Nevertheless, by the differences between it and His­ traditional view of the Big Bang as a why they function in the manner they Hawking makes an admirable effort at tory. A significant portion is devoted to point in time in which the laws ofphys- do. A surprising observation is that making his extremely complex field Hawking's personal life, childhood, and, ice do break down. Hawking maintains black holes emit particles. It was previ- understandable. Those who want a of course, his experience with ALS (also that by conceiving of a suCCessful model ously thought that since the gravita- closer look at Hawking the man, as well known as Lou Gehrig's disease), which of the origin of the universe, one will be tional pull of black holes is so strong, as his worlt, should not find Black Holes has disabled him physically. Hawking able to make predictions for the future nothing could escape from them, which, and Baby Universes wanting. Mt has remained hopeful in the face of ALS; he notes that it has not kept him: from being productive intellectually and that he is still alive despite predictions Jordan ·Ddes~' Fan tasy that the disease would have killed him long ago. BY EDDIE AHNER Hl,lwking delves into topics he has not previously addressed. Particularly HE FIRES OF HEAVEN IS difficulties with Moraine fade, but them after she was defeated by Nynaeve noteworthy is how science relates to the fifth book of Robert Aviendha and Egwene pose growing in Thrabon. 'The animosity ofMoghedien the general public. Because science and Jordan's epic series, The Wheel problem of a different source. toward Nynaeve and Birgitte climaxes I T technology cannot be p~vented from of Time. This novel, like its last two Elaida do Avriny a'Roihan is now with some tragic yet nonfatal results. changing the world, Hawking writes predecessors, is a New York Times the Amyrlin Seat after leading the con­ N ynaeve vows revenge and the book that "we can at least try to ensure that bestseller and is typical of Jordan's spiracy to remove Siuan Sanche from ends with an opening for Nynaeve to the changes they make are in the right exceptional work. that office. Elaida, however, is strug­ achieve this vengeance. directions. In a democratic society, this The Fires of Heaven plunges deeper gling for control in the White Tower The rest of the Forsaken continue means that the public needs to have a into the epic struggle between good and and failing to keep pace with events. to plot against Rand and one another. basic understanding of science." While evil, and light and darkness. Rand 'The Black Ajah, which serves the Dark Four of them plot together to defeat the there is widespread distrust of science, al'Thor, the Dragon Reborn, is the one One, still walks the halls of the Tower, Dragon Reborn, but their means and there still remains great interest in it. and its leader is finally revealed to the goals are not always what they appear 'Ibis interest can be harnessed, accord­ The Fires of Heaven reader. to be. Rand works to counter the plans ing to Hawking, through proper educa­ Siuan Sanche, former Amyrlin Seat, of the Forsaken and further his own. tion, so that informed deCisions about Robert Jordan leads Min and Leane on a long journey The results of these myriad plots are science can be made by the public and Tor Books in hopes of finding the Aes Sedai in far from predictable. this distrust can be overcome. Paperback, 702 pages exile. Siuan hopes to lead those Aes Robert Jordan has once again dem­ Naturally, most of the book covers Sedai back to power, thereby gaining onstrated that he is a master story­ Hawking's forte: theoretical physics. $24.95 revenge against Elaida and helping teller. He has far surpassed J.R.R. Hawking is inspired by an ambitious Rand fulfill the prophecies. Siuan's Tolkien's work in the area of fantasy optimism, which is apparent when he prophecied to battle the Dark One and plans are nearly ruined at Gareth epic. Jordan has created a completely writes, "I am hopeful that we will find once again break the world as the Bryne's estate, however; this near di­ believable world and his characters are a consistent model that describes ev­ Dragon and his companions did at the saster turns to her advantage even if among the best realized in fantasy lit­ erything in the universe." With ~ the end of the Age of Legends. In this vol­ she cannot yet see this fact. erature. This story employs the normal rapid progress made in physics since ume of the tale, Rand firms his hold on After thwarting the Black Ajah and epic devices along .with elements of the development of quantum theory in the Aiel and leads them across the restoring the Panarch of Tarabon, Greek drama and Japanese concepts of the 1920s, there is a temptation to Dragonwall to further his plans. Rand's Elayne and Nynaeve begin their return honor, duty, and fate. The first five journey to the White Tower. This jour­ volumes of this epic have been out­ Brian &hefke is a senior in ceUuk.Lr and Eddie Amer is a senior in English and ney, however, is diverted. by news of the standing and I will anxiously await the molecular biology and a contributing political science and a contributing edi­ rift within the White 'Ibwer. Moghedien, sixth and any succeeding volumes. m editor of the Review. tor of the Review. one of the Forsaken, is searching for

--" ~' ~<~<"""'"'"""'~ __'W""~«~""'"""~'<'Y'"''''''''''""""",,,,,.,..,, ___ , =-'1""""'(<)>< 4;; ;;:;;;wJN)%~'<1m~\'1:sf;l!U;w, ; J - 10 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW December 1) 1993 o BOOK REVIEW . . Honest Compassion Defeats Poverty BY TS TAYLOR barrassing fact in social work history. Pro­ both morally and materially." and brothers." HAT QUICKLY STRIKES fessional personnel blocked the success of Twenty- three Boston charities declared From these early models and into the vol\ID. teers in primary capacities in the in the commonality that it is 1980s, Olasky clarifies the social Darwin- the reader of The Tmgedy of 1835 "dis- early twentieth century with politicians graceful to depend upon alms-giving, as ist threat, proving social Darwinism wrong, American Compassion is how W firmly in tow. Thus arrived bureacuracy. long as a capacity of self-support is re- the New Deal, the heartbreak of the 1960s, the meaning of "compassion" has been "In short, the movement a way from per­ perverted into a code word for extortion tamed" which led to their agreement that identifying the Seven Marks of Compas- sonal action was easy when emphasis on relief should not be given until after "per- sion(alphabetically, A-G). Ashe concludes and denial cash already provided 'the ultimate in bu­ sonal examination of each case" and "not with pu tting compassion into practice and Author Marvin Olasky tackles two prob­ reaucracy an anonymous public in money, but in the necessaries required applying, history, Olasky succeeds with a lems which face every society to a greater SUPPOlt­ ing anonymous machinery supporting or lesser degree, sooner or later: poverty in the case." refreshingly non-condeming tone, espe- anonymous clients."' Politicians fed the Olasky acknowledges that twentieth- cially given the directly pointed material and relief Poverty is not new; massively destructive alliance between themselves century histori- he has for The Tragedy of American and the professional social worker with ans have a point •• sources, tax dollars. when they criti- The Tragedy of Compassion "U1ze ultimate m bureaucracy: The early model of American compas­ cizenineteent~ an anonymous public sunport- American Com­ Marvin Olasky sion started immediately in 1620 with the century practice n paSSLOn, shows Regentry Gateway Pilgrims' landing at Plymouth and that as "moralistic," ing anonymous machinenJ SUp- " where and when Hardback, 299 pages firsthorrid winteras sickness shrank their "paternalistic," . . " Americans had small group. William. Bradford commended and "control- portIng anonymous clIents. successful an- $21.95 the "6. or 7. sound persons" who "in ye ling," but there swers and ef- distributed opulence is new. Individual times of most distress ... spared no pains was little resort fected compe- wealth is so pervasive among such a high night and day, but with abundance oftoyle then to euphemism or political correct- tent solutions. It is more than instructive proportion ofAmerican societythat wealth and hazard oftheirowne health ... did all ness. '''Theirgoal,''saysOlasky, "was not to to read how these achievements got bull- ye homly & necessarie offices for them." is the new phenomenon in human history. weed out people but to require the kind of dozed bygovernmentint.rUsionsand whip- Yet, poverty and an underelass still exist. Further, ~t they did "all this willingly self-confrontationthatisevidentatamod- sawed politicians. What passes for "com- The question is "what should we do?" and cherfuly, without any grudging in ye ern Alcoholics Anonymous m~ting when passion" in the 1990s is higher taxes and Olasky states, "the answer is not blowing least, shewing herein true love unto their a person says, 1 am an alcoholic'. Those pretty balance sheets, instead of a couple friends & bretheren. " in the wind, nor is it ... like Alice in Won­ who [give] material aid without requiring of31ndwichesinexchange forfreshlylaun- derland. The answer is sitting on pages of This early model rightly attached values even the smallest return were considered dered sheets. Ml old magazines and reports deep in the to compassion such as the "decent living" as much a threat to true compassion as stacks of the Library of Congress." described in the 1684 Scots' Charitable those who tul'll:~d their backs on neighbors . Even with me thousand ninety-fourfoot­ Societyruling that"no prophaneordiselut notes, Olasky brings those answers to con­ person, or openly scandelous shall have temporary America in a compact, neces­ any pairt of pomone herein." Put an end to sary and understandable form. "Ameri­ Continuing into 1806, the New York cans in urban areas acentury ago came up Orphan Asylum Society rapidly grew to clouded with truly compassionate solutions. With­ care for h\ID.dreds of orphans whose care ou t this informed spirit tha t [only] histori­ and training were prescribed: "The or­ thinking­ cal \ID.derstanding can provide, the long phan s shall be educated,fed and clothed at debate abou t poverty in America [is at] an the expense of the Society and at the Asy­ get the straight impasse.'The important thing to remem­ lum. They must have religious instruc­ ber is that we must get involved in some tion, moral examples and habits of indus­ dope. way." We can "recapture the vision that try inculcated on their minds." changed lives a century ago when our An "asylum," 187 years ago, merelymeant concept ofcompassion was not so corrupt. " a place of security, not much differentfrom A particular advantage in this book is today's battered women's shelter. Read the Review. that both basic points of view about relief Religious beliefs did \ID.derlie a majority are examined internal, comm\ID.ity--<:on­ of the community relief organizations with trolled versus external, governmenkon­ thorough representation of Protestants, trolled. There is a specific, dangerous com­ Jews, Roman Catholics, Mormons as well Tired of the University administration's clouded visions for U-M's petition between the two. Comm\ID.ity­ as many non-denomina tional groups. The future? Subscribe to the Review and find out where the University is controlled reliefhas a collected record of social thought of the time did not insist on really headed, why that's misguided, and how it can ,be remedied. successes while government--<:ontrolled equal treatment but rather customized relief has the collectivist record of failure assistance to individuals who hadunavoid­ For a tax-deductible donation of $20 or more, you'll receive a one-year subscription as America's societal experiment has been able problems, particularly orphans and to the Michigan Review, which includes 13 bi-weekly issues and the 1994 Summer allowed to r\ID. awry. destitute pregnant women. Many, but not Orientation Issue. Olasky succeeds with no condemning all, had charters which reflected the focus tone, especially given the amount of pointed which Roman Catholic women in Balti­ material he has for sources. He does show more used in 1827 to provide assistance to Please send my subscription to: however, how the "professional social work­ those "of all denominations, ages, sexes, ers"becam.e the bane ofa successful anti­ and colours." Name: ______poverty operation as they got lost by not In New York, the Society for the Preven­ understanding values or" compassion. " tion of Pauperism printed in its annual Address: ______He shows how the professional social reports from 1818 through 1824 a list of workers' contribution to the destruction of ten causes ofpauperism whichbeginswith vol\ID.tarism is an acknowledged but em- ignorance, idleness and intemperance (per­ City: State: Zip: ----- sonal failings), and ends with "charities TS Taylor i8 a computing consultant that gave away money too freely." The Please make check or money order payable to: THE MICHIGAN REVIEW and a staff writer for the Review. "easy subsidy" was viewed "as destructive 911 North University Avenue, Suite One, Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265

·'-,'~"""',..·'·""... .,." ... ,·"',y'<· ~~ ,.,... , _'__ ""_ Il_~AA _ ____'~ .., "_ ...... J ____..,,_ ...... ______... December 1, 1993 'THE MICHIGAN REVIEW 11

BY JAMES ELEK anyway. AB it turns out, registration is the my angst. That aside, now is the time to com­ easiest part of the GRE, even though it I arrived early, armed with a ELL, FELLOW GRADUAT­ plain about the beast known as the has inconvenient deadlines (over a plethora of physics knowledge, #2 pen­ ing seniors, it's that time of Graduate Record Exam (GRE) Not only month in advance). For those of you cils, my photo-fIle record, and a nota­ Wyear. 'Those of you who plan do I have to endure a "General Test" who think you can study for the GRE rized note from God (so they could be to enter the work force are scheduling that supposedly measures quantitative, while taking a regular course load, I absolutely sure it was me). Naturally, a interviews. 'The rest, myself included, verbal, and analytical skills, but I must laugh at you. I was stupid enough to body cavity search was administered plan to continue our educations in also partake in a "Subject Test" that think the same. I learned. before we entered the testing room (they graduate school, and are hurrying to asks if I learned anything about the With my test date soon approach­ had to make sure that no one was hid­ submit our applications. subje.ct that I have taken the majority ing, I decided that neglecting my class ing a lap-top). , Graduate school. The thought of of my classes for the past four years. work and studying for this monstrosity When the identification process and attending college for another five to Is all this really necessary? Do we would be a good idea. I started by read­ search were over, and offenders were seven years to get my Ph. D. provides a really need to submit GRE scores in ing the GRE 1993-94 Information & sent to the guillotine, we finally re­ great inspiration to study while my addition to our grades, personal state­ Registration Bulletin. The first thing ceived our test booklets and answer rourse-load tries to bury me. Of rotu-se, ments, and letters of recommendation? that struck me was that the Bulletin sheets. After reading a halfhour speech life may be easier for people who don't I think not. I am insulted that I must calls the Educational Testing Service on the instructions and how we would plan to enter the field of physics. prove myself beyond my academic - which produces and administers the burn in hell if we cheated, the monitor Don't get me wrong I love physics. record. GRE scores, as far as I can tell, GRE - a non-profit organization. said, "You may now begin. Good luck Where else can you explore the uni­ only provide the more "elite" schools 'That's fwmy - I saw a registration fee, and remember, it's only the rest of your verse in such a way that only you and with a number for establishing applica­ a computer registration fee, and a fee life that's at stake." your colleagues can understand it? Phi­ tion cut-<>ffs. for sending additional scores to schools. After four hours, two strokes, and losophy is similar, but physics offers Still, no matter how much com­ Doesn't sound like "non-profit" to me. five still-missing people running out of higher salaries. plaining we do, we have to endure this After coughing up $140 of "non­ the room screaming, it was finally over. AB children, we were told that the ordeaL First, you have to register, and profit" cash, and studying enough phys­ All in all, we took an insulting, world needs scientists. Now we are told if you are really on the ball (unlike me), ics to let my course grades falter, I stress-inducing, time-wasting, anxi­ that we cannot have a Super Collider or you can register to take the test in the finally reached the big day - which ety-amsing exam so that some stuck­ space station with which to play, and summer before your senior year. That just happened to be the same day as the up graduate school could have a num­ that there are no longer jobs for us way, registration hassles will be mini­ MichiganlMichigan State football game. ber to weed us out. And we paid up the mal and you will not have to worry That I am an avid Michigan fan who wazoo to do all this to ourselves. What James Elek is a senior in physics and about fitting your GRE studying into has attended Michigan's last three an­ a great memory for senior year. And I MTS Coordinator of the Review. your regular studies. nual battles against MSU only added to still have to take the general test. Ml Contrary to Butt-head, GwarE~~tnY§YS;ks BY AARON MCELLIGITT My first temptation was to take all Slymenstra Hymen who "preens and music except to say that its just bad. of this publicity crap about Gwar into pricks little pieces of decomposing flesh The chorus sounds like some old guy HIS ARTICLE IS PRETIY the bathroom so I could put it to good from her toothy clam." Last but not coughing up phlegm while suffering stupid, so you probably don't use up my ass. After reading some ofit, least, there is the Sexecutioner: from a seizure. The music itself sounds T want to read it. Monday night I I decided to conduct a personality pro­ "Sexperimenting and sexterminating, like a chorus of power tools and flatu­ was sitting around my roolll trying to fIle of Gwar. Gwar is like the dudes in he is often given to spastic transports of lent bovines. It's horrendous. come up with something to Wlite about high school who could never fit into gay abandon." If you think the band is weird, you that even remotely pertains to music. I mainstream society, so they colored I can just imagine some pimply­ should check out Gwar's politics as well. haven't heard any cool music lately, their hair, invested in bizarre clothing, faced twerp named Lenny wearing his ABide from the fact that the members of except for some dope, pimp, fly, stupid, and decided that they were the epitome "Batman" t-shirt writing this one night Gwar take personal responsibility for dope, pimp, whatever hip-hop from ofnon-mnformist poets. In high school, while he snorts and slobbers allover the AIDS epidemic, the proliferation of Detroit's Most Wanted. you called them losers. In Ann Arbor, himself. A wart-studded pleasure nub? crack, and the L.A. riots, they claim Oh, my fiiend Dave Hoey lent me you call them liberals. But that's to· I'm sure. Any man who rould even make that their manager is a former aide to

his copy of Depeche Mode's Black eel tally what Gwar is. up jokes about a penis covered with Ronald Reagan. That would be cool, if ~ ebratioTl, which made me want to slit For some reason, Gwar reminds me unsightly blemishes must be feeling Lenny the dork didn't make it up. The my wlists. Dave's pretty cool. 'And my of my little brother, Jonathan. If you pretty insecure about himself. manager, Sleazy P. Martini, does have roommate Dave Garcia lent me his ropy went-up to Jonathan and just said, I should probably talk about Gwar's some agreeable views. He even seems of Frank Sinatra's Strangers In the "penis," he would crack up. Even if you music, if you want to call it that. As­ like a pretty cool guy. For example, he Nzght, which made me put down a fifth said, "My meat is red and it has too suming you care, Gwar has two albums wants to "take the loafers off welfare of Wild Turkey while proclaiming my much fat," Jonathan's appendix would out titled Hell-O and Amenca Must Be and put them back on the streets doing fondness of New York and women who burst from laughter Gwar is all about Destroyed. According to Gwar's man­ what they do best." That would be awe­ have cute dimples when they smile juvenile sexual hmllor If you don't be­ ager, the Canadian government banned some. And when it comes to govern­ But that's not. relevant. lieve me, check this out, tough guy. the America albllll because it was not ment, he says, "Do away with the Actually, I was digging through The nice people at Metal Blade consistent with moral rodes. What most meddlesome bureaucracies such as some old publicity stuff and I came records (who have a bad habit of sign­ likely happened is that the Canadian Congress and the Senate." How cool across some media information on ing retarded death metal bands like Ministry of Good Taste heard Gwar's would that be? But he also has bad Gwar. If you watch Beavis and Butt­ Mercyful Fate, Atheist, and Gwar) sent music and said, "Ugh, this sucks." So ideas, like his plan of establishing "spe­ head, or if you have really bad taste in me this Gwar guide, complete with pic­ they banned it. cial relocation camps for the elderly music, you've probably heard of Gwar. tures. There's this one dude named Late last year, "other-worldly se­ and the handicapped." They're this group of totally messed­ Beefcake the Mighty. According to the men rockers" Gwar released a live EP Anyhow, I apologize for writing such up freaks who play death metal music. Gwar guide, "His wart-studded plea­ titled The Road Behind. They also re­ a boring article about Gwar. Frank They like to think of themselves as sure nub is bitterly manipulated in leased a live video titled Tour De Scum. Sinatra could take Gwar in a fight any "alien splatter-punk legends." I think porno booths worldwide." And then Wow, I bet that sold in mass quantities. day. Contrary to Butt-Head, Gwar nei­ they suck. there's this token female named I don't know how else to describe their ther rocks nor kicks ass. m

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