WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 1 WINTER 2020 Open Arms: “Love gives itself; it is not bought.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow A Publication of FEATURES: 5. Thoughts From the Home Office

www.leisurecare.com This year we changed ... together 999 Third Avenue, Suite 4550 14. My American Story Seattle, WA 98104 A contemporary tale of one woman, Leisure Care 34 Chelsia Andreassen two identities Senior Director of Marketing 24. From the Fire … to the Frame Published four times per year for A UK man discovers a new world at the distribution to our residents and their families. end of his lens 38. Sometimes a Not-So-Great Notion On sand, baked beans, and the medicine Created by Wise Publishing Group www.wisepublishinggroup.com cabinet Publisher/Editor-in-Chief Max Wells DEPARTMENTS: [email protected] CREATIVE LOAFING Managing/Copy Editor 24 Carol Pearson 8. Entertain Your Brain! [email protected] Book, movie and music reviews Art Director Mike Inks, MLI Design 12. Out and About: Internet Interdependence www.mlidesign.co In our smaller world, life online mimics real life [email protected] 20. Brain Games Ad Sales [email protected] Crossword and Sudoku Production: MLi Design USEFUL NOW www.mlidesign.co 6. Style Wise: The Embrace Printing: A timeless moment on the sidewalks Journal Graphics www.journalgraphics.com of Seattle 21. Healthy U: A Feast for the Soul Contributing Authors A story about the value of good friends Shaní Clayton Nancy Gertz 22. Money Matters: Smarter Giving Robert Horton Three ways to find the right charity Susie Kearley to support Pam Mandel Skye Moody 31. Advice for the Journey: What’s Wrong With Her? Jessie Palmatier Not sure what’s wrong? Maybe you should ask. John Pearson Misha Stone David Tumbarello PERSPECTIVE SHIFTING Jeff Wozer 14 Rabbi Elana Zaiman 32. Your Life Well Lived: Appreciating life through a different lens Proofreaders Cheryl Knight 34. Live Big Live Bold: Joy in the Journey Diane Smith Small steps can make big change in this world 40. Ethics & Spirituality: 5 Feet Tall, Arms Wide Open

The secret to life might be at our front door Cover Photo © filmstudio Advertisement 2 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 3 THOUGHTS FROM THE HOME OFFICE The Year We Changed ... Together

Greetings everyone,

This year has been a year of change for people around the globe. Early in the year, the COVID-19 pandemic response took so many things away that were absolutely basic to life. As we’ve grappled with the fallout and come to understand it better through the year, some of those things are slowly coming back. Many restaurants are now open, some businesses are open and working, and life is moving forward again after we came to what seemed like a screeching halt in March. But it’s a little different. Did you ever think you’d be saying to a friend or neighbor, “Hey there — I really like your mask!” Throughout this health crisis, we’ve seen people bring out their best — and, in some cases, their worst, but I choose to focus on the best. I cannot thank the extraordi- nary employees in our communities enough for what they’ve done to help people and care for them through an incredibly stressful time. They showed up! They knew there were risks, and they came in and made sure our residents were taken care of. And I’m so grateful for them. Beyond the basic needs, we’ve seen innovative ways that people are staying connected and engaged with life and with each other. Technology use has gone through the roof, as our residents are Zooming and FaceTiming, playing virtual Bridge games, and so much more. Some of these changes will be lasting and some fleeting. But I hope that the spirit it has brought out in all of us will continue forever. We have shown tremendous resilience in the face of danger and What’s the most fun way to keep your mind and body active? uncertainty. We have come together as a company, as a community, and as human beings, all facing challenges we never thought we’d face. The media generally shows us what’s happening in a nega- Learning to play the piano! tive and fearful light because it drives ratings. But let’s focus on the best things, the positive aspects we are seeing all around us. None of us wanted this pandemic to happen, but it did. What can we take ◊ Fun! away from it that will make us better? What can we learn from this? One thing we’ve had a lot of practice with this year is dealing with change. We’re all doing our part ◊ Easier and faster to hold the virus at bay and keep our friends and families safe and sound — and that means we don our masks and keep our distance. We don’t touch things like we used to without thinking about where than you think it’s been and sanitizing our hands afterward. The magazines are gone from waiting rooms, not likely to return anytime soon. But as I mentioned, we’re finding ways to connect and shifting to technology ◊ Research shows to stay informed and engaged. playing the piano This issue of LIV FUN in your hands is the final copy that will be printed and distributed in physi- keeps your mind cal form — at least for a while. We are in the early stages of introducing an electronic application that and body healthy will allow our residents to see menus, order services, sign-up for excursions and activities, schedule transportation, and engage with one another. The MyLeisureCare App will be introduced to you and your families in the first two months of 2021. We are excited about what it will bring to all of you and how it will move us forward. There will be more to come on that in January. And although this issue is the last of LIV FUN for a while, I will still be in touch with you from time to time on the app and other ways. Thank you all for being amazing people through the most challeng- ing times and focusing on the positives as we move forward.

It’s YOUR turn to play! Respectfully, Greg Clark Let 6X Emmy winner Scott “The Piano Guy” Houston show you how at: Executive Vice President www.pianoinaflash.com/livfun Leisure Care

4 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 5 Style Wise: Expressing Your Unique Self

The

A Seattle sidewalk sets the scene for a hug felt across the years. Embraceby Skye Moody Novelist, essayist, photographer and world traveler unch time, and it’s a special date. Our mother with their beautiful young mother. I detect more than is taking her three young children downtown to a few of the men focusing in on our mother’s Betty lunch with their grandfather. I’m three years old, Grable legs; she isn’t oblivious either. Lsmall for my age, wearing a couture dress, handmade My hand in its white glove fights my mother’s grip. by my French-trained seamstress grandmother, Bee. My Nobody, even Betty Grable, can hold me at bay. I’m an older brother and sister are wearing coordinating outfits. incorrigible escape artist, and I believe Bee’s bespoke Bee only dresses her family; nothing professional. In- dresses afford a source of aerial lift to my gait, a bit like side each glorious creation is sewn a label: “Handmade Mary Poppins’ umbrella. My mother’s grip tightens. by Bee Green.” In her coats, the label is sewn upside I am beside myself with excitement. The sidewalk is down, á la the fashion of John Doyle Bishop, Seattle’s level and seems to go on forever. I keep a sharp eye on iconic fashion designer. the pavement stretching into infinity, feeling alternately Challenging my zeal for perpetual motion, every like a tortoise, then roadrunner, all while anticipat- outfit requires several stand-still fittings; first sewn in ing Grandfather Alan’s embrace. My heart pumps; my muslin, the prototype of what splendid garment results, breath stirs. then the minimum two fittings in the genuine article. Here he comes! In his distinctive dark business suit Not counting school uniforms, we wore no store-bought and gray fedora, he’s heading our way. I wriggle out of clothing before our teenage years. Even then, Bee, and my white glove, free from my mother’s grasp, and bolt. later, our mother, created the important pieces in our As he advances on the sidewalk, I run to him, my wardrobes. Lush, enviable prom dresses, impeccable white ankle-length oxfords scuffing as I detour around Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas couture; complete pedestrians, making a beeline for Grandfather Alan. wardrobes for each season of each year. Here he is! I raise my arms and leap up onto his chest This balmy spring morning, we four fashion plates like a wild monkey to a coconut palm, planting a fervid stroll along a sparkling clean sidewalk in the city’s fi- kiss on his cheek. He hugs me and rocks me gently, nancial district, looking forward to meeting our Grand- just long enough for my mother to rush up on her Betty father Alan, the distinguished English gentleman who Grable sticks, her Revlon lips forming mortified apolo- always wears a red poppy in his lapel. Now a bigtime gies. U.S. businessman, his office is situated in the Smith Apologies for what? I’m in heaven in my grandfa- Tower (tallest building west of the Mississippi back ther’s arms, joy pulsing through me, the warmth of his then). embrace exuding love and security. Through a three-year-old’s eyes, I see the sidewalk is Then, very gently, he sets me on my feet on the not exactly congested, but thickly dotted with pedestri- sidewalk. He stoops down and peers into my wide ans. Occasionally, a passerby will glance in our direc- green eyes. tion, smiling at the darling children in matching outfits He says, “I wish I were your grandfather, honey.” u © VukasS © VukasS

6 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 7 Entertain Your Brain: Books Entertain Your Brain: Movies by Misha Stone by Robert Horton Readers’ advisory librarian & Booklist Magazine blogger Member, National Society of Film Critics

“Even the longest lived of our species spends but a blink of time “You know, people seldom go to the trouble of in the span of human history. How dare anyone cause harm to another soul, scratching the surface of things to find the inner truth.” curtail their life or life’s potential, when our lives are so short to begin with?” — Jimmy Stewart in “The Shop Around the Corner” — Isabel Wilkerson

Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell (Knopf, $26.95) The Shop Around the Corner (1940) “How were they to know that Hamnet was the pin holding them together?” The famous play- Two salesclerks work in a little store in Budapest — Budapest by way of the MGM backlot, wright Shakespeare lost his 11-year-old son Hamnet, twin to Judith, in 1596. While Hamnet’s that is. They don’t much care for each other, but each has a pen pal, someone they’ve never cause of death is unknown, the plague, otherwise known as the pestilence, is a likely culprit. met, someone who truly understands them. You know the twist: They are actually writing Why was his name and his death lost to time and not mentioned in conjunction with Shake- to each other, a revelation that will be delayed until it can have its full bittersweet effect. speare’s most famous play, Hamlet? O’Farrell, author of The Hand That First Held Mine and Margaret Sullavan and James Stewart play the confused leads, two people who will have to the memoir I Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes With Death, explores the lives of Shake- learn how to readjust to unexpected possibilities. They are an utterly enchanting pair, ably speare, his wife, Agnes, their children, and extended families as they grapple with immense supported by Frank Morgan (the wizard of Oz himself) as their boss. Director Ernst Lubitsch loss. No doubt losing a child deeply influenced the famous playwright’s life and work; explor- brought his worldly “touch” to the proceedings, making the film both funny and poignant.The ing how grief shows up when we lose our loved ones to sudden illness remains a timeless story has been redone a few times, including as a Broadway musical (She Loves Me) and an theme, immensely relevant to our present moment. Literature binds space, time and memory, internet-age reboot, You’ve Got Mail. (Available streaming on Amazon Prime, iTunes, Google and Shakespeare distilled universal truths and dramas that reverberate even now. O’Farrell’s Play, YouTube and VUDU.) historical novel illustrates how an unsung life can be a blessing to us all. Once (2007) Disappearing Earth by Julia Phillips (Vintage, $16.95) Dublin’s Grafton Street is a pedestrian-only area lined with buskers, those earnest street musi- Sisters Alyona, 11, and Sophia, 8, go missing after a walk to the beach while their mother is cians passing the hat for a few coins of appreciation. Here we meet a singer-guitarist played at work in this riveting debut set in Russia’s Kamchatka Peninsula. Their kidnapping rever- by the Irish musician Glen Hansard (we never learn the character’s name), who might be on berates through the lives of other women in the outpost town, and the prejudice toward the the verge of a breakthrough. He gets a little help from a Czech immigrant (Markéta Irglová) browner-skinned native peoples also rises to the surface. Each chapter alternates perspectives gifted with musical talents herself. If they are attracted to each other, some clumsiness at the among a host of other vignettes, delving into the life of a young girl whose single mother beginning of their friendship makes them both wary — a distance that will be worked out, marks her as different, a stern parent who runs a tight ship at work and home, a young woman sometimes thrillingly, through the language of music. One scene in particular, as the two sit whose brother is obsessed with alien contact, and the missing girls’ mother who is introduced down to explore a new tune, perfectly illustrates the way creativity can be an embrace. Writer- to another mother whose daughter disappeared. Superb writing, deft insight into character, director John Carney’s little movie became a sleeper hit, winning an Oscar for Best Original and a vivid setting make this literary mystery hard to put down. Will the whereabouts of the Song and spawning a successful stage adaptation. It’s rooted in street-level reality, but the missing girls ever be solved, and how does the uncertainty cast a pall over the lives of those power of song makes its portrait of earned trust seem quite magical. (Available streaming on left behind? These questions linger until the final pages. Phillips builds tension subtly, reveal- Amazon Prime, iTunes, Google Play, YouTube and VUDU.) ing the lives, dreams and universal longing for closure and hope teeming on a stretch of icy, remote land nestled between the seas that border Alaska and Japan. Our Little Sister (2015) When three adult sisters are suddenly saddled with care of their adolescent half-sibling, the Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson (Random House, $32.00) prospect comes loaded with complexity: The younger girl is the product of their late father’s The Pulitzer Prize Award-winning author of The Warmth of Other Suns returns with a ground- second marriage, for which he abandoned his first family years earlier. But the new arrival breaking work of nonfiction (already selected for Oprah’s Book Club) determined to change is taken in and made part of this unit (the older sisters all share a house in a seaside city), an how we think about race in America. Our lives have been shaped by a caste system that is organic process that makes for heart-tugging viewing in this lovely film from the modern invisible by design, and Wilkerson illustrates how deep this system has embedded into our Japanese master Hirokazu Kore-eda. Everybody’s got problems that must be sorted out, but society and psychology through examples throughout history and metaphors that drive her Kore-eda sidesteps big melodrama in favor of appreciating the little revelations and triumphs points home with stirring reverence and sweeping impact. By braiding the triple strands of In- that make up everyday life. This is a portrait of people accepting each other under odd and dia’s caste system with Nazi Germany’s rigid caste lines that were inspired by America’s own improvised circumstances. Without sugar-coating anything (death and estrangement are real racist policies and hierarchies, the depths of our country’s unconscious and explicit adher- issues here), the film makes the radical suggestion that such acceptance can be accomplished ence to caste thinking becomes apparent. While this sounds like (and is) heavy subject matter, with kindness, patience, and the occasional well-placed sip of plum wine. (Available stream- Wilkerson’s skill, compassion and storytelling prowess makes this an absorbing, page-turning ing on Amazon Prime, iTunes and VUDU.) read. James Baldwin is famous for saying, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced,” and this ethos informs every line of this important and gripping historical analysis as it asks us to embrace a more just and joyous future for all.

8 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 9 Entertain Your Brain: Music by John Pearson Retired musician and lifelong enthusiast

“At this point in my life, I’d like to live as if only love mattered.” — Tracy Chapman

Open Arms (Single) — Journey, Escape, 1981 Penned by bandmates Steve Perry and Jonathan Cain and recorded in 1981, “Open Arms” was a hit for Journey and remains one of their best-loved tunes. Over the years, it has been covered by many artists and in various genres — from Mariah Carey to Boyz II Men to Collin Raye. Wistfully romantic lyric aside, the melody is an ideal showcase for Perry’s powerful voice, while the rest of the personnel, including co-writer Cain on keyboard, provide a solid professional backing for this so-called power ballad. Phrases such as “one of the greatest love songs ever written,” “the greatest power ballad of all time,” and “one of rock’s most beauti- ful ballads” have been used regarding “Open Arms.” Whether the song deserves this level of praise may be a matter of debate, but one cannot argue with its stellar chart performance and continued popularity.

Open Arms (Album cut) — Tracy Chapman, Matters of the Heart, 1992 Chapman’s third album did not have the vertigo-inducing success of her first release. While not producing a hit single of the magnitude of “Fast Car” or “Give Me One Reason,” “Mat- ters of the Heart” nevertheless contains a gem in this track. An intimate song, softly sung, it captures the honesty and vulnerability that Chapman embodies in many of her works. It is understated and simply yet effectively delivered. A catchy guitar riff that engenders a feeling of serenity to this reviewer’s ears repeats throughout. (The personnel listing on Wikipedia for this track shows the great Bobby Womack on acoustic guitar. While it is not certain that he is responsible for the signature riff, it would not be at all surprising.) Former “American Idol” judge Randy Jackson does an admirable job as bass player.

Back in My Arms Again (Single) — The Supremes, More Hits by the Supremes, 1965 This single was the fifth Number 1 hit in a row for The Supremes during the heyday of Mo- town’s success. (All five hits were written and produced by the amazingly prolific team of Holland-Dozier-Holland.) Ms. Ross’ lead vocal is backed by Florence Ballard and Mary Wil- son, who are sometimes overlooked as significant contributors to the success ofThe Supremes. The overall production, including the vocals and the Funk Brothers’ (Motown studio musi- cians) backing instrumentation, sounds compressed — but not in a bad way. The track’s audio processing was optimized for AM radio play, common for many hit tunes from that era. The drone of the thumping bass, sometimes doubled by sax, is a notable feature of the arrangement and provides an exhilarating release as the bass moves to follow the chord changes in the latter half of each verse.

10 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 11 Internet Out and About: Journeys Completed or Contemplated Interdependence In our small world, life online mimics real life. by Pam Mandel Freelance travel writer and photographer

some time, I was our apartment. Every afternoon I would chat because that’s how they are in real spending my winters switch it on, connect to the internet, and life. Online, just like in real life, these in a small town in find people who, like me, lived in places friends don’t want anything more than ForAustria. This sounds very jet set, very to which they were not quite connected. conversation and connection. And they romantic, and I suppose it was on I met Sal, a paralegal who worked for a always default to being universally, the surface. I lived in a picture-book- company in Chicago but lived in Spain. consistently kind. pretty small town. Just next door was He stayed after his divorce because We’re stuck in this strange era of a farm with a paddock where doe-eyed his daughter was there, but he pined COVID, when every social interaction cows would graze on hay on sunny for home. I met Christina, a Canadian is fraught with risk. In-person visits days. The skies were cobalt blue, and housewife raising two boys in Northern are often dominated by discussions of the pristine snow would pile on the Germany, who missed the smell of the who’s behaving how and been where. rooftops like so much vanilla frosting. Pacific Ocean in British Columbia. I This allows us to decide if we’ll sit Red-cheeked children in snowsuits met Diane, a photographer from New at the table with them, take two steps went ice skating on the lake. Zealand, who lived in an apartment in back, or only visit outside — or any I ate a lot of pastry, went cross- Brussels but could never quite connect number of complicated scenarios. It can country skiing for many, many miles to that urban financial center. be singularly unsatisfying, especially in several days a week, and read moun- I’m still connected, 20 years later, a time when all we want is a hug. tains of books. This was life in my with these four sympathetic humans. But as we struggle through all of husband’s home town; as a freelance Our lives have all changed markedly, this, I am grateful for the lessons I writer able to work anywhere, I had but thanks to the internet — and that learned in my early days online. Those the privilege of being able to choose it online community for expats where we friendships were — still are — no over the rainy gray Seattle winters. first met — we’re still friends. less real for them taking place primar- It sounds ideal, and in many ways, it I got to see Sal in Chicago once. He’d ily online. I have moved many of my was. I was also very, very lonely. moved back to the U.S., and I was in in-person friendships to cyberspace. A somewhat introverted person who his city for a conference. I also hopped I have a weekly video call with three is good with words, making friends in a plane to visit Diane in Brussels for a girlfriends, another one once a month a language not my own was an impos- long weekend. Christina’s entire fam- with my aunt and my cousins, and I sible task. We lived in a very small ily stayed with me for a few nights at started playing with an open house- town with few outsiders; the few that my home in Seattle. All of us became style video gathering using Facebook’s came were mostly Germans on ski friends without ever meeting in person new “room” feature. These digital vacations, passing a week or so enjoy- — but our friendships extended to the house parties are not the same as hav- ing the immaculate cross-country trails real world. These three are probably my ing everyone in my kitchen, but the and cozy restaurants before returning first true online friends, but they’re far same rules apply. Bring something to their homes in German cities. My from the only ones. to share, even if it’s only an idea or a in-laws were kind and welcoming, but These friendships have worked be- story. Give other people a chance to that is not the same as having a tribe cause everyone involved presents their talk. Be kind. who understands you. authentic self when we interact online. The connections are no less valid My gateway to the world was a Their pictures aren’t staged. Maybe for being online. And I’m not sure if computer tucked into the tiny office in they’re sweary or political when we they’ve ever been more necessary. u © Sladic

12 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 13 My American Story A contemporary tale of two identities. by Shaní (Sha-nay) Clayton Freelance writer, artist and educator

[Waves crashing nearby] It’s the sound of my alarm clock going off. Exhausted and uninspired, I realize it’s time to start my day. Another day in which I have a role to play. A role I was hired to play five to six days a week. As I finish my morning routine, I have 30 mins until I am expected to be on stage. So I straighten my hair, Shield my natural curves with loose-fitted clothing, Readjust the natural timbre of my voice, And leave my racial identity backstage. Holding back tears, I walk on stage and play the part I’m requested to play. © DOUGBERRY © DOUGBERRY

14 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 15 This is my American story.

hen I moved to New York of their hair, the tonality of their voice, ror — a chief marketing officer who City in 2008, I was full and the spelling and pronunciation of couldn’t pronounce my name deciding of hope, charisma, self- their name. to call me “Karen” instead. expressionW and drive, ready to take on This is what it means to be a Black When I began to reflect on all of my next challenge: venturing into the woman in America. these experiences, I realized: There world of advertising. For years, I was When I listen to this song, I always is a tremendous lack of empathy, enamored by the dynamic culture of think about my first advertising job equality-centered comradery, account- the ad industry, especially the creative in NYC. So young and full of heart, ability and compassionate leadership aspects of visual artistry and commu- ready to take this new path toward in our American society, especially in nity comradery amongst colleagues. my career goals in the ad industry. the workplace. Why were people, like I was fortunate enough to dip my toe When I first started working there, myself, having to shrink or hide our into the industry a few years prior as I was strongly advised to straighten identities for the comfort of others? an intern and later a full-time employ- my hair (at the time I had a mid-sized Isn’t there space for everyone’s story ee at an agency based in San Antonio, afro) to look more “professional.” My and identity? What are the root causes Texas. It was here that I had the great colleagues were also curious to see of such disheartened behaviors within fortune of collaborating with one of what my hair would look like if it were our society? These questions led me the top ad agencies in New York City. straight. At the time, it didn’t seem on a quest toward finding tangible I befriended one of the account execu- like an odd comment; yet reflecting solutions rooted in collective healing. tives there and would later meet her on this situation years later, I realized on a trip to NYC in winter 2006. This how discriminating this exchange was. Where Collective Healing Begins brief encounter would be the catalyst Why were my white female colleagues Our corporate systems and cultures for my eventual move to NYC two never asked to change their hairstyles? are built on education, economic and years later and the start of an expand- In Western society, natural African social structures that make it nearly ing career. Unfortunately, this would hairstyles have always been a hot top- impossible to crack the foundations later turn into a gut-wrenching and ic, and in many states across America, of inequality within them. As a result, heartbreaking reality check, leading to companies still have the option to the stories and historical backgrounds my eventual departure from not only terminate or not hire someone based of minority communities have largely the advertising industry, but from the on the “unprofessionalism” of their been ignored and excluded from the corporate world altogether due to years hairstyle. In 2019, California became mainstream framework and acceptable of discrimination. the first state to ban discrimination ideologies of American culture, lead- While my experience involved based on one’s natural hair. (Díaz and ing to millions of Americans having making the tough personal decision Willon, 2019) I was shocked to learn countless racialized experiences within to leave behind financial security and that this was not outlawed decades and outside of the workplace. a 10-year career, it launched me on a before. The ban prohibits companies We are now at a crucial point where path of exploring ways in which our from enforcing discriminatory groom- we must begin to actively engage in communities could come together so ing policies based on certain hairstyles transforming these systematic issues that other African American women that are typically worn in African around race whereby every person’s and women of color wouldn’t have American communities: braids, afros, history and experience matters. Be- to sacrifice their careers and could be dreadlocks, etc. New York became the low, I have laid out three key com- seen authentically in the workplace. second state to do so shortly after Cali- ponents I feel are critical to igniting fornia. (Griffith, 2019) My experience this process of transformation: (1) My Hair. My Skin. My Tone. of being coerced into straightening my vulnerability (empathy + compas- My Name. hair for the approval of others is an sion), (2) accountability (unlearn- Imagine for a moment your favorite experience I will never forget; it took ing + re-education), and (3) allyship vinyl record player spinning the classic years for me to regain my confidence (community + unity). Incorporating tune “Four Women” by Nina Simone. in owning my hair identity. this process into our daily lives opens “My skin is black. My arms are long. There were a slew of other racially a new pathway where the experiences My hair is woolly. My back is strong involved experiences, including direct and histories of Black and Brown …” The song goes on, describing the superiors demanding I use a different communities alike are validated and experiences of four Black women liv- vocal tone to appear less “threaten- respected, allowing their stories and ing in America, defined not by the con- ing,” a supervisor requesting I wear identities to become an acceptable © Cecilie_Arcurs tent of their character or expertise, but clothing that would hide my curvy and necessary component of Ameri- by the color of their skin, the definition figure, and — to my shock and hor- can history.

16 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 17 1. Vulnerability (Empathy + leads to self-reflection. Self-reflection tion for consistent and sustainable Compassion). is the practice of reviewing how one’s allyship. To me, allyship means being Approaching subjects such as race actions affect our immediate environ- able to see each other as one commu- and America’s colonial past tend to ment. On a societal level, it involves nity while simultaneously celebrating be very sensitive for most people reflecting on how our collective ac- cultural, racial, religious and sexual as it involves facing a reality that is tions have affected collective out- orientation differences. In the work- unchartered territory for those who comes. In this instance, when reflect- place, allyship begins when we see Creativity at don’t have a direct connection to both. ing on race and America’s colonial every co-worker as a human being However, these are topics that must past, accountability involves under- living a human experience. be addressed for our desired unity. standing how our current structures African American women are often The first step involves the process of and workplace cultures, in particular, advised to dim their light in order vulnerability. Dr. Brené Brown defines have been rooted in a white-male, Eu- to “fit in” to the corporate patriar- Leisure Care vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and ro-centric patriarchal system, leaving chal culture so as to not make others emotional exposure.” (DeBara, 2018) no room for the possibility of a new uncomfortable or hurt someone else’s Based on Dr. Brown’s definition, framework that incorporates the safe chances for advancement. (Cheeks, I pose the question: How can white inclusion of minority communities. 2018) Every person deserves space communities incorporate uncertainty, In order to move in a direction of to be their authentic self, at all times. Communities risk and emotional exposure when it total inclusivity, we have to honestly Instead of erasing someone’s identity, comes to racial inequality in social look at how our education system has let’s embrace and celebrate them. We and professional settings? I believe it failed to transparently explain the his- all have something magical to contrib- Leisure Care communities across the country have become even more begins with embodying both empathy tories of both African Americans and ute to the world. Allyship is seeing the creative in their efforts to engage residents over the past few months. and compassion toward minority com- Indigenous communities. This lack magic in everyone and lifting them up Knowing that writing is a great way to relieve stress and anxiety, munities. If we can take a moment to of transparency has led to enormous through support and comradery. step back, pause, reflect and listen to levels of misinformation and naiveté The Carillon at Boulder Creek, a Leisure Care community, held a poetry minority communities without judge- when it comes to minority communi- Vulnerability + Accountability + contest for residents to write about this unprecedented time. ment, we activate our emotional sen- ties, leaving ample space for discrimi- Allyship = Healing sors, exposing us to feel in ways that natory behavior toward them. The steps listed above are just a few we may not have before. This allows So this leaves us with the task of ingredients we can add to our daily Resident Joan Patch won with the following poem. We believe for us to open our hearts to seeing how unlearning much of what we have lives that enhance our abilities to see this poem summarizes how so many of our residents and our collective reality is not inclusive been taught to allow for the process of each other without prejudice. Incor- for every American. re-education. I believe that we have a porating vulnerability + accountabil- staff are feeling as we patiently, but expectantly, wait for the From this realization, we activate the collective responsibility to understand ity + allyship = creating a beautiful, day when we can all be together again post-COVID. next stage, which involves account- every aspect of our past in order to alchemic journey that will not only ability. proceed into a healthier future, equally. heal our immediate environments, but allow us to heal ourselves as well, 2. Accountability (Unlearning + 3. Allyship (Community + Unity) transforming society at large, one Staying at home Relief not tomorrow Re-education) Once the process of unlearning and person at a time. And by doing so, I Told not to roam Much to my sorrow Accountability involves holding re-education is activated and engaged, firmly believe that we will finally be space for one’s vulnerability, which we have a much more solid founda- able to heal America. u Wish I could see Just have to wait Someone else, not just me. For an all clear date.

Sources: Griffith, Janelle. (2019). “New York “Leaning Into Your Vulnerability With Masks on our faces Then we’ll open our doors Cheeks, Maura. (2018). “How Black Is Second State to Ban Discrimination This 1 Chart” by Lisa Olivera. Shine. Women Describe Navigating Race and Based on Natural Hairstyles.” NBC Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo When out of our places On all of our floors Gender in the Workplace.” Harvard News. Retrieved August 1 2020, from Freire. (1970). www.nbcnews.com. Meetings on Zoom Say hi to our friends Business Review. Retrieved August 1, Advancing African-American Women in 2020, from www.hbr.org. Read more: the Workplace: What Managers Need to No public places. Isolation ends! DeBara, Deanna. (2018). “Why It’s “A Hair Piece: Perspectives on the Inter- Know by Catalyst Research. Time to Take Off Your Workplace Ar- section of Race and Gender” by Paulette “The Troubling News about Black mor.” Medium. Retrieved September 1, Caldwell. Duke Law Journal. Women in the Workplace” by Leslie 2020, from www.medium.com. “Black Women Talk About Workplace Hunter-Gadsden. Forbes. Díaz, Alexa and Phil Willon. (2019). Stress and How They Cope” by J. Ca- “Black New Yorkers Describe Racism “California Becomes First State to Ban mille Hall, Joyce E. Everett and John- as ‘Inescapable’ in Quietly Released Hu- Discrimination Based on One’s Natural nie Hamilton-Mason. Journal of Black man Rights Report” by Ese Olumhense. Hair.” LA Times. Retrieved August 1, Studies. The City. 2020, from www.latimes.com. LeisureCare.com

18 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 19 Brain Games Healthy U: Good Health 101 and Beyond John Pearson, Puzzle Editor

Crossword Puzzle Grab On and Hold Tight ACROSS DOWN 1 Hard drink? 1 An arrival, as of tourists 4 Pickle choice 2 “Pick a card” 9 Moral principles 3 Number of Saints in a play? 14 Sports org. founded in 1917 4 Indian outfit 15 Delta option 5 Shepard’s followers 16 Northernmost U.S. Air Base 6 Key to getting out, sometimes 17 Rival 7 Where whiskey is the state 18 It covers the main points beverage (abbr.) A Meal for the Soul 19 Pushes 8 One state to be in 20 First part of a Leo Buscaglia 9 Where a needle may be found Social connections are so important to our well-being. quote 10 Pulse 22 Where tomato juice is the state 11 Eco-friendly action? Be present when they happen, and drink them in. beverage 12 It is surrounded by eau 24 Type of group or conference 13 These in France 25 Semicircular recess 21 Wears by David Tumbarello 27 Something your ear might get 23 That girl 31 Prefix meaning foreign 25 Lost © wilpunt 32 Literary house 26 After Rachel Maddow, Brian 33 Ralph Cramden’s work vehicle May, or David Duchovny in print “Sorry we’re late.” tia than someone who saw friends only for the physical and spiritual nourish- 34 Partner of wined 28 Auction option My wife and I walked up the stairs once every couple of months. (Som- ment and grateful for our friendship 36 Colorful rock 29 Loons and onto our friends’ back deck, feel- merlad et al., 2019) and safe time together. 38 1966 Coca-Cola introduction 30 Half of an African danger? 40 Second part of quote 32 Chapel Hill sch. ing a bit sheepish. “Thanks for texting Another study with a population of The sun tucked behind the trees, and 42 Insight or inspiration unit 35 Sorta your address, and we’ll be sure to save people born between 1920 and 1947 we said our goodbyes. When we returned 43 Particularly annoying pest 36 Shock partner it in our phone for next time.” found that lower social contact led to to the car, I turned on the GPS and 44 Progressive rival 37 Attic After accidentally leaving their ad- higher rates of depression and anxiety clicked the button labeled Home. And I 45 Modern greeting 38 Burger action © 2020 Created for LIV FUN by SkyDogCreations dress at home on our refrigerator, we symptoms. More social connections had a very good feeling we weren’t going 47 Military instruction org. 39 Fury arrived more than a few minutes late mean less depression and anxiety. to lose our way this time! u 51 Third part of quote 40 What a snob might put on Sudoku after driving around in circles until we (Santini et al., 2020) 53 Last part of quote 41 Inc. across the pond called from the road to get directions. For women in particular, a large Read more: 54 Continental currency 42 Letters on a letter? Fill in the grid so that every row, column and 3x3 We stood on their deck and looked social support network can lower risk Sommerlad, A; Séverine , S.; Signh- 55 Large lot, perhaps 43 Accident sound box contains the numbers 1 through 9. out over the forest and field not too of death. In one study for less connect- Manous, A; Lewis, G.; Livingston, G. 57 Bad thing to hit 45 Corn unit far away. They told us about the deer ed women, death risk was 2.5 times (2019) “Association of Social Contact 59 Blue shoe material 46 Ones to avoid 62 Moved gently 48 Before mall or after electrical that came onto their property the night greater than those who participated With Dementia and Cognition: 28-year 65 Place for an enc. or OED 49 Russian sleigh harness before and how they snapped close- in large social networks. (Lyyra and Follow-up of the Whitehall II Cohort.” 66 Bustling 50 Beach __ up pictures before it sprinted away. Heikkinen, 2006) PLOS Medicine. Retrieved September 67 Beg 52 Zenith opposite Within a few minutes, chicken, salads But what does that mean for us 10, 2020, from www.journals.plos.org. 68 Barely obtain and blueberry cocktails were brought now, when we can’t be as close to 56 European physics lab Santini, Z; Jose, P.; Cornwell, E; Koy- 69 Pine 57 Schnoz out and we shared an outdoor socially friends as we’d like? While social anagi, A; Nielsen, L.; and Hinrichsen, 70 Tries to find 58 Sports figures distant dinner. distancing may be a healthy course of C. (2020). “Social Disconnectedness, 71 Sailor Jack? 59 Come out with While the occasion provided food disease prevention, it can directly lead Perceived Isolation, and Symptoms of 60 Avail for the body, it provided so much more to feelings of isolation and increased Depression and Anxiety Among Older 61 Pilot’s guess (abbr.) in the form of nourishment for our depression and anxiety. How do we 63 Pub order Americans (NSHAP): A Longitudinal souls and spirits. Science shows there manage friendships and stay connected 64 Holy ___ Mediation Analysis.” The Lancet. Re- is a long list of mental and physical in order to maintain both physical and trieved on September 10, 2020, from benefits that come from a close net- mental health? www.thelancet.com. work of friends. Learn to listen more, affirm it is dif- Individuals in their 50s and 60s who ficult to be socially distant, and make Lyyra, Tiina-Mari; and Heikkinen, are regularly engaged with friends, for plans and connections on the phone. Riitta-Liisa. (2006). “Perceived So- example, have a lower risk of demen- At the end of the night with our cial Support and Mortality in Older tia later in life. In one study, people friends, instead of giving and receiving People.” The Journals of Gerontology. who saw friends daily at age 60 had a hugs, we planned for a future socially Retrieved September 10, 2020, from BRAIN GAMES ANSWERS ON PAGE 42 © 2020 Satori Publishing 12% less chance of developing demen- safe time together, and I was grateful www.academic.oup.com.

20 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 21 Money Matters: Common Sense and Professional Advice The Giving

DilemmaA three-step approach to finding the right organizations to support. Jessie Palmatier Nonprofit development professional in the Bay Area © ~UserGI15633745

In a world where countless issues vie your homework before deciding statement, and make sure it is clear, as short-term results. (Gregory and Children Now is an organization the achievement gap in city schools. for our attention (and solutions seem where to donate. easy to understand, and aligns with Howard, 2009) based in Oakland with a mission to This more focused mission means the few and far between), how do you While there are many trustworthy your own mission and values. Finally, be sure they are a legitimate work at the state level to build power organization and its donors get to see decide what problem you want to help organizations to choose from, there are Look for progress updates from the or- organization by looking them up in for kids by advocating for “pro-kid” specific results more quickly: Each solve and how best to go about it? Do- also, unfortunately, many scams and ganization as well. This can take many GuideStar. If they aren’t listed there, be policies and budget priorities. Employ- year, hundreds of students learn to nating to an effectively run nonprofit unethical organizations. Follow these forms, including an annual report, a careful and do more homework to avoid ing a whole-child approach, it advo- read, catch up to grade level in math, organization is one way; supporting three steps to help find the right charity regularly updated blog, a newsletter, falling for a less reputable organization. cates for state policies that benefit kids or are prepared for college and careers. a team of dedicated experts working to support. testimonials, and more. in a wide range of issue areas. Its work A donation to Children Rising can for a cause you believe can be truly Three Organizations; Three Missions is broad and effective, and the organi- produce more tangible results, like empowering. It is heartening to see 1. Clarify Your Own Values 3. Get the Facts Thankfully, these criteria leave a huge zation and its staff are well-respected workbooks, materials or tutor training. that many Americans agree on the im- The first step in choosing a recipient While it is important to hold organiza- range of options open for us as pro- in the state capitol. The organization Another organization serving kids portance of charitable giving: The past for your charitable donation is to nar- tions accountable for how they spend spective donors. Ethical and effective has successfully advocated for a wide in Oakland is operating on an even three years are the highest on record row down what type and scale of work their money, remember that nonprofits nonprofit organizations are as diverse variety of policies that benefit kids all smaller scale. Urban Mentors grew when it comes to charitable giving in you want to support. Consider where have overhead costs just like business- as the needs they represent. Even over the state. A single donation to out of one woman’s passion for the the United States. (Giving USA, 2020) your passions and interests lie, and use es. Under-investing in infrastructure within your personal interest area, Children Now can help to improve ev- kids in her community of East Oak- But with around 1.5 million that as a starting point in your search. and overhead has been linked to poor it is likely that you will find a wide ery aspect of kids’ lives in California. land, and she has built a community of nonprofit organizations in the U.S., performance and reduced longevity variety of organizations doing vastly Children Rising is another orga- kids, teens and mentors who are more finding the right organization to 2. Understand Their Mission for nonprofits. (GuideStar, 2020) Go different work. nization based in Oakland, working like family than friends. A donation support can be overwhelming. Just Once you’ve found an organization to in with realistic expectations about the Let’s take children’s services in the city on a more focused goal: mentoring to Urban Mentors often meets very like you might shop around before support, dig a little deeper and ensure organization you choose, and be sure of Oakland, California, as an example. and tutoring Oakland students to close specific needs: supplies for a back-to- making a new purchase or research that the nonprofit is ethical and effec- to look at the longevity and sustain- a company before buying stock, do tive. Find the organization’s mission ability of the organization, as well Giving Dilemma: Continued on page 43

22 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 23 From the Fire ... to the Frame After a life-altering diagnosis, one UK man discovers a new © Ian Randall Photography world at the end of his lens. by Susie Kearley British freelance writer and journalist © autayeu

24 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 25 © Ian Randall Photography

elping others has long been pictures of their runners in the London lems, which meant I couldn’t do physi- ous projects over the last 10 years, and Models of Diversity, where I met some gramme” — important research that known as a catalyst for better Marathon,” he explains. “They had cal activities, but I could make use of it’s nice to see how the designers use amazing and inspiring people,” he says. will hopefully lead to earlier diagnosis mental health and new social about 15 runners then, but it’s really my interest in photography.” them,” Ian continues. In 2016, he was invited to take pho- and better treatments. connections.H While science gives us exploded in recent years. Now there As part of his work for Sarcoma UK, tographs at the Prime Minister’s Office plenty of examples of the benefits of do- are usually around 65 people running Finding a New Focus Ian photographs the charity’s annual in Downing Street, when they made From a Hobby to a New Career ing for others, we found evidence of this for Sarcoma UK. It’s quite hard to spot It’s been a whirlwind of event quiz night, its big fundraiser attended Sarcoma UK their official charity of “Photography was always a hobby,” in the beautiful story of Ian Randall and them amongst 40,000 participants, but photography, portrait photography and by British celebrities and politicians. the year. “I also went to the Houses Ian explains. “But before I got ill, I his volunteer work. some are easily identifiable by their medical shoots. Ian has met a lot of In 2014, he was asked if he’d like of Parliament in 2018 to represent didn’t have time to pursue it properly. A fire officer in the U.K. for 18 Sarcoma UK vests.” people who’ve been affected by the to get involved in producing a char- Sarcoma UK as part of the Cancer 52 I was working two jobs — one in the years, Ian was diagnosed with Ew- Being diagnosed with Ewings disease, and with every new project, ity calendar. Always keen to help, he awareness campaign,” Ian explains. fire service and then on my days off I ing’s Sarcoma (bone cancer) in 2010. Sarcoma changed Ian’s life. He’s now he learns more about the charity and didn’t hesitate to say yes. “It was raising awareness of the lesser was doing fire safety inspections and He made a good recovery but was committed to doing what he can to those brave people who benefit from “A group of fellow cancer survivors known cancers that don’t get any gov- risk assessments.” unable to resume his career fighting help other people who are facing some its work. and their families came together, and ernment funding.” During his recovery, Ian had to take and investigating fires. Still a rela- of the difficulties he experienced. “Some people have lost family and we shot photographs for the Bone Ian also started photographing sport- stock. He realized he wouldn’t be able tively young man, Ian wasn’t ready He explains, “When I was diag- friends to the disease. I’m pretty quiet Cancer Research Trust Calendar ing events and has now received his to go back to work and started to look to stop working and contributing. So nosed, I was told not to look up my usually, but having the camera gives 2015,” he explains. “It attracted a lot Football Association (soccer) Photog- at other ways to keep himself busy he volunteered to work with Sar- condition on the internet, because it’s us a focal point for our conversations of press interest, sold well, and did a raphy license and shot Premiership and without overdoing it. coma UK, a national charity working usually bad news. So it wasn’t until and helps me talk more easily. People brilliant job of raising awareness of League games. “Shooting the 2018 “I had a chat with the fire brigade to help people diagnosed with this after treatment that I came across the open up, and it helps me talk about my bone cancer. I tried new photography Women’s FA Cup Final at Wembley incident photographer, and he told me I disease, as Ian was. He offered to be- Sarcoma UK charity online. I wanted experiences too. techniques too.” was a dream come true,” he says. just needed a cheap Canon camera and come their official photographer, and to try and help other people who were “The charity uses my photos on their A few years later, Ian was invited to “Then last year I did another photo he’d show me the basics. He lent me his didn’t have to offer twice. He started going through rehab and pass on any website, on social media, in brochures, photograph a fashion show. “Having shoot at Downing Street when Sar- equipment and taught me how to use within a week! positive aspects of my experience. and in their subscribers’ magazine. a chance to shoot at London Fashion coma UK was invited back to launch Photoshop. Then I went on a course,” “One of my first projects was taking “I had physical and mental prob- My photos have been used in numer- week in early 2016 led me to shoot for their Genomics Development Pro- he explains.

26 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 27 “I asked them to tell the patients that I too had been a patient, so I knew what they were going through.” © Ian Randall Photography

Since then, Ian’s photos have ap- “The highlight is always shooting they were going through. It’s a fine peared on BBC News and in the press. the London Marathon,” he says. “It’s balance between being professional “I’ve had a lot of practice over the very emotional and challenging. It and getting personally involved. years,” Ian says. “I now do weddings, takes a lot of concentration to get good But it was a very worthwhile shoot. portraits, corporate events and sporting shots of the Sarcoma UK runners in They’ve used those photos a lot.” events. A lot of what I do is helping the crowds, but I enjoy it. Ian has thoroughly enjoyed sharing people out. “I’ve done a couple of weddings his time and skills with others while “I do weddings in the summer — it’s abroad,” he adds, “which were high- developing his own passion for a lot of pressure and tiring, but I get lights too. I did a wedding at Ravello photography into a growing career. huge satisfaction and joy when the in Italy and got some stunning photos. It gives him a great sense of achieve- edits are completed. And the newly- I also attended a wedding in Iceland. ment after a difficult time, and he’s weds are always overjoyed! My main These assignments cover all my costs, particularly passionate about sup- thing now is the football photography. and I’ve seen some lovely places. In porting Sarcoma UK and helping I volunteer at Queens Park Rangers Iceland I got a free helicopter ride!” those still fighting the disease. u women’s and younger teams, and they Ian’s still working with Sarcoma UK. use my photos on their website and “My latest project for them was Read more: on social media. It’s not paid, but I taking shots of patients in clinic Visit Ian’s website at www.ianrandall- enjoy it. Some of the players buy my with their doctors,” he explains. photography.co.uk or follow him on photos, which helps to cover expenses. “I said I didn’t want to be there if Instagram. I also work for a football photography they were given bad news. It was agency, which covers league games.” difficult. It felt intrusive. I asked Learn more about Sarcoma UK and So what does Ian enjoy the most them to tell the patients that I too the important work they are doing at about his volunteering work? had been a patient, so I knew what www.sarcoma.org.uk. © Ian Randall Photography

28 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 29 Advice for the Journey: Open Arms

What’s Wrong With Her? © freemixer We’re all struggling with something. Maybe the right thing to do is just ask … and listen.

Question: I have a part-time caregiver who laundry, take twice as long as they should, and comes into my home and helps out three days she’s always losing her keys or forgetting where a week. She’s always been so sharp and on the we parked. And she’s short-tempered sometimes ball … but lately it seems like she’s not paying instead of her usual cheerful self. I don’t want to attention. The simplest things, like doing the replace her … but what should I do?

Answer: The first thing I would sug- keeping socially distant, and all the petitive. Maybe she needs a challenge gest is to be patient with her. Most rest. Our routines are completely beyond laundry and errands … like likely there’s something going on in off, and what seemed easy now helping you reorganize that closet in her life that’s making it harder for seems that much harder. the spare bedroom or sorting through her to focus and concentrate, and she It’s likely the same in your own life. your photo boxes and putting together hasn’t shared that with you. And it’s The things you used to do without a albums with you. very likely that the pandemic could second thought … dropping in to visit The next time she comes by to care have something to do with it! a friend or going out for coffee … for you, put the kettle on and sit down Many mental health experts report probably make you more anxious too. to a cup of coffee or tea. Ask her how their clients saying they are far less Being under a constant state of anxiety her family is and how she is feeling. productive the past few months. It’s like this can have profound impacts Don’t be critical or judgmental, but quite understandable: We all have on how we navigate through the day. rather ask as a concerned friend would. more challenges to deal with and We tend to get more easily distracted, She might not even realize that her more demands on our time … espe- upset, short-tempered, even angry lack of focus is that obvious, and she cially working parents and people when what we know as “normal” is no might be grateful for the chance to in “essential” jobs like caregiving. longer that way. share her feelings. Open yourself to Just going to the grocery store, Aside from the pandemic, maybe the listening, and sharing your own feel- something she used to do all the work itself isn’t challenging enough. It ings too. Approach the situation with time without a problem, now has can be harder to stay on task if some- a profound willingness to understand, the added stress of wearing a mask, one finds the work a bit boring or re- and help be part of the solution. u

30 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 31 This article originally appeared in our Summer 2012 What followed was a brutal boot camp of life training, issue. We are republishing it here in memory of Betsy as a and I was a naïve recruit. After all, we never do expect life tribute for a live well lived. as-we-know-it to change in a thin splice of moments, even though we are reminded of this reality time after time. Loss sister, typically ebullient and charismatic, our unof- of loved ones, job changes, financial crises, leaving our Myficial stand-up comic, adrenaline-seeking emer- homes, and difficult diagnoses, like this one, are just the be- Your Life Well Lived gency medicine nurse, and world-traveling art photographer, ginning of a long list of paths to inner frenzy. What can we sat at a family meal in the budding month of April shivering do to protect and strengthen ourselves, knowing these events Wellness Advice for Mind, with the onset of what we thought would be a passing “bug.” can unravel us? This bug turned out to be a monster beast: herpes en- Nine years after her last hospital stay, my sister and I are Body and Spirit cephalitis, a potentially fatal infection of the brain. Nobody taking a walk in the woods on an unseasonably warm winter could explain why my sister became one of approximately morning, blue skies above, crisp paths underfoot. The res- 200,000 cases to be diagnosed that year, with the best pos- ervoir off to the right is a dark gray, and I am imagining the sible outcome being mild irreversible brain damage. lily pads that will soon dance along its smooth surface. The Beyond any patient’s struggle looms the collateral dam- sun is at a low angle, throwing shadows on my sister’s face age. I was selecting a bag of shrimp at Trader Joe’s when my as she mechanically lifts her feet to avoid tripping on thick cell phone rang with a too-calm voice asking if I was “next roots. She is visiting me because her spirits are languishing. of kin.” Without warning (as if that would have helped!) Since she no longer works, it has been hard to find her pur- APPRECIATING I was hijacked, plucked directly from the frozen food bin pose in life. We are still in the aftermath, still seeking a new straight to the frigid confines of the intensive care unit. Lives normal, still searching for ways to appreciate life through a interrupted, never to be the same. different lens. Through a Different Lens LIFEAn illness or injury can dramatically alter the way we see the world. With this different lens, sometimes we discover a new type of mystery The camera bounces at her side as we navigate paths adaptive and resilient. I make a conscious effort to inhale and magic. strewn with fallen branches, stones and rocks that have the beauty so I can keep it with me, pass it along to oth- been dislocated by seasonal shifting. Winter has been ers. Leaving these woods, I am more hopeful, graced by mild, but everything is affected one way or another. I a higher power, physically enlivened, and more capable watch as she studies the ground, peers into emptied-out of addressing what seem like smaller personal challenges, photos (c) Betsy Gertz by Nancy Gertz stumps, and gets personal with the emerald green moss even when they are big monster beasts. Health and well-being coach in Boston growing on the barren tree trunk. She bends down slowly While my mind’s eye is zooming out, my sister’s is and deliberately, adjusts the focus on the lens, and zooms zooming in. She chooses to adjust her lens to something up close to the smallest of images. much smaller; she squints to see micro images that only Quietly I celebrate how differently we move through she knows are there. After a series of shots, we press our this shared experience. I come to the woods often as a shoulders together to shadow the screen, and in the silence way of being good to myself; here I build and replenish of the sleepy woods we review her cache. I can’t believe my internal stores. Stepping onto the path, the details of what I see: two trunks merged in an unintended embrace, my life are lifted away as my attention is drawn to the a decaying stump that mirrors a fish with gills, the bark expansiveness of nature. In my mind’s eye, I zoom out, that is crumbling but still begging to hold onto its source. and intentionally I expand my curiosity about everything My sister has captured the majesty in the smallness of I see, hear, feel and smell. Under the trees I am part of a

photos (c) Betsy Gertz larger whole, and like all things around me I feel strong, Appreciating Life: Continued on page 43

32 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 33 Live Big. Live Bold. Live Big.Your Life, Live Your Rules Bold. Your Life, Your Rules Finding Joy in the Journey The biggest problems can be solved with the seeds of generosity.

by Alissa Sauer Blogger and Leisure Care writer

end of a year is always a good time first pillar is having an open heart, the second for reflection. Now that the year is is having an open mind, the third is having nearlyThe over, we can look back and ask ourselves open eyes, and the fourth is having open arms. how we lived. Did we live with open hearts, an (Sirota, 2015) open mind, and open eyes? Did we try to under- 2020 is coming to an end, and it is fair to say stand the impact of our decisions on others? Did that this year did not go as planned. When our we take the time to understand ourselves, accept journey toward happiness began, we assumed others, and see the world around us like it truly the status quo for the year. No one could have is? Did we greet the world with open arms in a predicted the twists and turns of 2020. There true spirit of generosity? were undoubtedly hard times, but there were According to Dr. Marcia Sirota, M.D., four also really good times. There were times when fundamental principles significantly increase we came together to overcome hard things, to happiness for ourselves and those around us. show the world that there can be happiness and She calls them the four pillars of happiness. The joy in difficulty. © Milan Markovic

34 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 35 Finding True Happiness at Leisure Care Leisure Care communities are places where seniors come to thrive, finding happiness and making a real difference in the lives of the communities where we live, work and play. We start by hiring people who accept them- selves, are honest with their shortcomings, and are ready and willing to work in a team environment. Our employees know that their roles bring the opportunity to make a positive impact on the lives of others. “How do you make a The bottom line is that we know who we are, and we know that we have the power to practical and tangible help others live better than ever. We celebrate strengths, recognize our weaknesses, and crush impact when the world our goals in a way that is genuinely empower- ing. At Leisure Care, residents can start a new seems so overrun with chapter finding new interests, making new friends. It all begins in a loving and accepting difficulty? environment where residents are empowered ” to grow in their sense of self and ultimately help others do the same. © Wavebreakmedia © Wavebreakmedia Our residents and their families have chosen to live intentionally. They care about their future, their health, and their well-being and have made that choice evident by moving 3 Steps to Living With Open Arms into a Leisure Care community. Leisure Care Everyone likes the idea of living with open arms, holding on loosely to material communities offer a wide range of care ser- possessions and living generously. Most people are actively seeking ways to make a vices, including independent living, assisted positive impact in the lives of others. living and memory care. Residents and their If nothing else, 2020 has taught us that the answer to happiness starts with self but families have peace of mind knowing needs ends with others. It lies in sharing what we have. The truth is that we are all interde- will be met, encouraging true happiness and pendent in our local and global communities. Recognizing this truth and being gener- lasting joy. ous with our fellow human beings creates a happier, more fulfilling existence. No matter if you need senior care in the But how do you become more generous? How do you make a practical and tangible form of assistance with activities of daily impact when the world seems so overrun with difficulty? living, motivation to attend that group fitness class, help to cultivate meaningful connec- 1. Understand the benefits of generosity. tions, or planning that overdue family reunion, Booker T. Washington once said, “Those who are the happiest are those who do the we are here to help. Leisure Care communities most for others,” and science backs him up. A 2018 study conducted by psychologists encourage residents to seize the day and see from the University of Chicago Booth School of Business and Northwestern Universi- the world, launching new adventures from a ty Kellogg School of Management found that we may receive longer-lasting happiness safe place. by giving to others than receiving for ourselves. The study also found that participants Generosity is the final stop on the journey who spent money on themselves over five days experienced a steady decline in satis- toward happiness and will ultimately lead to faction. (O’Brien and Kassirer, 2018) the joy we are all seeking. Eventually, you may just find you really are living better 2. List your priorities. than ever. u In today’s 24-hour news cycle culture, it can feel like everything is urgent. Every foundation needs your money; every shelter needs your time; every cause needs your Sources: attention. Making a list of your priorities can help you focus on one or two needs and O’Brien, Ed and Kassirer, Samantha. (2018). make the most significant impact on what matters to you. “People Are Slow to Adapt to the Warm Glow of Giving.” Sage Journals. Retrieved 3. Start small. on September 10, 2020, from www.journals. Know that giving even a little can have a significant impact. Do not be overwhelmed sagepub.com. by the cause you have chosen. The problem is probably a big one, and you are here to help, not solve it on your own. Whether a monetary donation or giving your time, Sirota, Marcia, M.D. (2015). “The Four Pillars

start small. Test the waters and commit to a small donation or hourly volunteer job to of Happiness.” HuffPost. Retrieved September © RgStudio ensure the organization is the right place for you at the right time. 10, 2020, from www.huffingtonpost.ca.

36 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 37

“I watched a wind gust topple six test luminaries and set them ablaze, creating the charming look of a mini-firestorm racing across the driveway.” Sometimes a Not-So-Great Notion Doesn’t everyone store baked beans in the medicine cabinet? by Jeff Wozer Humorist and stand-up comedian

Within seconds of sending the e-mail invit- green kayak, making it look as if the kitchen is ing 14 family members to my house for dinner, furnished with items from Bed, Bath and Boat. I thought of T. S. Eliot’s line, “Between the idea The gas stove has one functioning burner, and the reality … falls the shadow.” limiting menu options to either chili or oatmeal. The shadow, in this case, was me. (I, of course, would never serve oatmeal at din- Havana, Cuba is more qualified to host the ner. But if I did I would dim the lights and try Winter Olympics than I am to host a large dinner convincing everyone it was a vegetarian paté.) party. This admission comes not from lack of de- My dining room table could maybe seat 14, but sire, but from domestic realities. My house, when only if I were entertaining hobbits. (OK, I’ll say it comes to entertaining, is a Martha Stewart it: Lord of the Dinner Napkin Rings.) netherworld. The living room carpeting, due to a glass-of- Atop my refrigerator sit two cookbooks: Any- red-wine incident, looks as if it suffers from one Can Cook by Better Homes and Gardens and psoriasis. the Food Network’s How to Boil Water: Beyond And my house sits atop a hill, accessible only Takeout Food. by a steep, curving, two-track dirt driveway I don’t drink coffee, which means I don’t own hemmed with hardwood forest. During winter, it a coffee maker. Asking my family to go without acts as four-wheel drive Kryptonite, regardless if coffee after dinner is like asking KISS to perform plowed or not. So whenever anyone I invite over on stage without make-up. asks, “What can I bring?” I always reply, “Your My house lacks a garage, necessitating creative Triple A membership card.” winter storage practices. Consequently, wedged But the house does possess five-star ambience next to the kitchen table stands an 11-foot lime thanks to a massive fieldstone fireplace. Centered

Not-So-Great Notion: Continued on page 43 © hillwoman2 and Bush’s Baked Beans © hillwoman2 and Bush’s

38 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 39 Ethics and Spirituality: Reflections and Contemplations on Life and Living Five Feet Tall With Arms Wide Open What are we really saying when we welcome someone with open arms? by Rabbi Elana Zaiman Seattle-based Rabbi, chaplain and author

hen I hear the words “open arms” I think of my five-foot grandmother, all smiles, standing at her front door, arms wideW open, waiting to hug her daughter, son-in- law, and each of her four grandchildren after our three-and-a-half-hour car ride from Rhode Island to New York. I think of my grandmother’s open arms when she and my grandfather would drive up to visit us too. Upon arrival, my grandfather would take his time getting out of the car, but my grandmother would run up our walkway, laughing, waving her hands, saying, “I have to make a sis.” Upon entering the house, she would pull down her hose and loosen her girdle as she shuffled down the corridor so that when she finally arrived in the bathroom, she was ready to go. My sister and I would follow her to the bathroom where we would find her seated on the toilet, cotton skirt covering her thighs, and we would stand there waiting for her to finish her long “tinkle” and wash her hands. Then, we would give her a hug. My New York grandmother comes to mind when I think of open arms because her open arms were a sign of welcome after a journey, and when we were young, this was the journey we took most often. © monkeybusinessimages

40 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 41 Appreciating Life: Continued from page 33 things; she narrows her lens to see a bigger world. Inside, at the full scope of our lives. At other times we can choose … her open arms were a sign of welcome after a journey, and a quiet prayer rises in me that she is on her own path, get- to zoom in and focus on the smallest of images, thoughts “ ting closer to appreciating her life through her own new or memories. With an adjusted lens, we can find perspec- when we were young, this was the journey we took most often. lens, however narrowed or expansive it is. tive in a mere dimple in the cheek of someone we love. u ” Sometimes, in order to find strength and revive our re- For more pictures by Betsy Gertz, go to silience during trying times, it helps to zoom out and look http://www.throughbetsyslens.com. While COVID-19 has put a damper felt recharged. We had such a good time Not long ago, I boarded a plane on our ability to welcome one another together that before heading home, their back East to see my Mom. It was Giving Dilemma: Continued from page 23 Not-So-Great Notion: Continued from page 39 with open arms, there’s no need to mom and I exchanged names, emails my first trip since the pandemic school drive, holiday gifts, or gift cards for kids and in the living room, especially when ablaze with popping hard- retire this expression. and addresses. and the first time I was able to see families in need. wood logs on a winter night, it serves as a visual barbiturate that On a walk one evening after work The next day, I found a homemade her since she had returned home These types of organizations exist in just about borders on transformative. I’m convinced Snoop Dogg could sit this spring, I saw a family of four at card in a large manila envelope in my from rehab after hip surgery. Usu- every state, city and interest area you can imagine. before it and feel, without knowing why, the compulsory urge to the corner of a block near my home. mailbox. The card, a white piece of 8- ally, when I visit I stay with her, After doing research and finding an organization don L.L.Bean flannel pajamas, sip Sleepytime Tea, and say things Two children on bicycles — a boy by 11-inch paper folded in half, with but due to the virus I stayed else- that looks trustworthy, start with a small donation. like, “Dis Robert Frost mofo is dope.” about four with curly blond hair and an oval aquamarine gem glued to the where. Before our last get-together, Evaluate the process of that donation, and imagine It was for this reason I opted to place emphasis on ambience. blue eyes and a girl about six with middle of the right page surrounded by I called to let her know I was on you are beginning a relationship with this organi- Play to my strength, as it were. In addition to the fire inside, I shoulder-length brown hair and brown a circle of hearts, a large red cardboard my way. She said, “I’ll be waiting zation. Make sure they earn your trust and your would wow everyone, especially my 91-year-old mom, by bring- eyes — were hanging out with their gem glued to the center of the left- with open arms.” continued support — without making extravagant ing fire outside. I would deliver the look of Santa Fe to upstate mom and dad. hand side of the page surrounded by My mother’s arms are always requests. After finding an organization you are New York by rimming the driveway and the front door walkway I was so happy to see new kids in hand-drawn boxes filled with rainbow open, even when I talk with her proud to support, there are a couple of ways you can with the calming candlelit glow of luminaries. the neighborhood, I wanted to wel- colors, and “I love you” written at the on the phone. So eager she is to make your donation go even further. I have a tendency, especially when entertaining, which is not come them with open arms. So, I did. I top. This note, their gift of open arms. hear what’s going on with me and Nonprofits need reliable and predictable sources often, to create more work than needed. Several years ago I engaged them from a six-foot distance. This past July I found a floral bou- my family. So eager she is to offer of income in order to thrive, especially in the uncer- hosted 30 or so friends for a summer barbecue at my former home Initially, they spent quite a bit of time quet at my front door. Inside was a words of love, support and blessing. tain times we are all experiencing right now. Month- in Colorado. Knowing that party guests can be nosy, I emptied the trying to guess my age. That their first card that read, “Thinking of you on this Open arms can mean opening our ly donations can help an organization plan and bathroom medicine cabinet’s four shelves and restocked each one guess was 100 should come as no day.” The flowers were from a friend. arms wide to welcome someone in budget for the future more effectively, and smaller with six eight-ounce cans of Bush Baked Beans. To encourage surprise. We then had a discussion about When I called to thank her, I asked her an embrace. Open arms can also monthly gifts can often make a greater impact than snooping, I left the medicine cabinet mirror door slightly ajar and hot chocolate and squishy, mushy things, how she had remembered. She said that mean “I care about you. I love you. larger one-time gifts. Planned giving, or a bequest, waited for expectant laughter. To my crushing dismay, not one and I don’t remember what else. I do on one of our recent six-foot-distance I support you. I’m here for you.” is a wonderful way to make a lasting impact on person commented. It still rates as one of life’s biggest disappoint- remember asking them silly questions. walks I had mentioned July 31 as the So open your arms wide and think the organization of your choice. If you have built a ments. And I do remember giggling so hard that first anniversary of my father’s death, of how and whom you can embrace strong relationship with an organization, this can be But the luminaries would be different. They would be out front, even though I had walked only a block, and she had kept that date in mind. Her from a distance. Then, put that a great way to leave a legacy that will continue for visible for all to see, requiring no reliance upon chance or nosi- by the time I returned home for dinner I bouquet, a hug from a distance. thought into action. u years to come. u ness. The perfect added touch. Or so I thought. In retrospect it would have been easier creating the look of BRAIN GAMES ANSWERS / From Page 20 Sources: Santa Fe by stuccoing the house with adobe and replacing the Giving USA. (2020). “Giving USA 2020: Chari- shrubbery with yucca plants. When making harried last-minute table Giving Showed Solid Growth, Climbing to shopping runs, most dinner party hosts go for wine or crackers or Answers to Crossword Puzzle Answers to Sudoku $449.64 Billion in 2019, One of the Highest Years Zoloft. I, 90 minutes before guest arrival was shopping for sand on Record.” Giving USA. Retrieved on September for luminary-anchoring purposes. This need was only realized 10, 2020, from www.givingusa.org. after I watched a wind gust topple six test luminaries and set them ablaze, creating the charming look of a mini-firestorm racing Gregory, Ann Goggins and Howard, Don. (2009). across the driveway. “The Nonprofit Starvation Cycle.”Stanford Social Thirty minutes later I was in my kitchen filling paper lunch bags Innovation Review. Retrieved September 10, 2020, with sand. Instead of preparing a dinner, I felt as if I was prepar- from www.ssir.org. ing for a flood. It was during this process I realized I was standing in the shadow between the idea and reality of my “Santa Fe Plan” GuideStar. (2020) “Five Simple Steps to Better Giv- and downgraded ambitions to illuminating only the walkway and ing.” GuideStar. Retrieved on September 10, 2020, front steps. from www.guidestar.org As I was lighting the last of 34 luminaries, the headlights of my brother’s car, which taxied my mother, turned up the driveway. I Learn more about these Oakland, California, hurried in and began stirring the chili, trying to look nonchalant. area nonprofits and the work they are doing: Two steps into the house and my mom, before even saying Children Now: www.childrennow.org hello, curtly asked, “What’s with all of the paper lunch bags Children Rising: www.children-rising.org outside?” Urban Mentors: https://oaklandcitychurch.org/ I should have taken my cue from the baked beans: Some things urban-mentor/ just aren’t made to be shared. u

42 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020 WINTER 2020 / LIV FUN 43 44 LIV FUN / WINTER 2020