The Workzine - 10 Jun 2010

The Workzine - 10 Jun 2010 Who Rocks Bob Nesta Marley (Rip) UB40 Pg11 Volume 1, Issue 1 10 Jun 2010 World Cup Fact and The Workzine Fiction Pg9 The new type of gold diggers on campus Pg13 DISCRIMINATION Pg14 The Famous Urban Legend 12-step guide to success in pretty much anything. Today, How To Get Rid of Your Housemate in 12 Steps Pg6 www.theworkzine.com 1 The Workzine - 10 Jun 2010 Editor’s Word WorkZine’s 17th Issue promises to take you to In the news higher heights. There is a new column entitled “Urban Legend” which provides a highly satirical look at some issues . In addition to “Idler’s Corner” and many more of your favaourite writers .Our Blog Star this BP finally scores some success in stopping fatal US issue is Kevinmd.com who talks about how you can oil spill unknowingly become addicted to certain compounds at work. There is an internet phenomenom sweeping World Cup fever heats up as Zuma’s wives jostle across Africa by the names of Golola Moses and here for prominence are a few things that are said about him : •Golola’s silk pyjamas are the Ironman Isreal comes under sharp criticism for killing suit.... •Golola Moses is the Sky God King activists in international waters Julien is always talking about. •Sped off in his speed-boat leaving behind Guillermo del Toro pulls out of hobbit movie in a cloud of dust. •The worst known case of third degree UK in shock over Bird killing spree burns was the last person to get into a heated argument with Golola Moses Mexican man sells kids to clear debts Enjoy Study: Children of Lesbians May Do Better Than Businge Abid Weere their Peers The Team Aussie man punches shark, surfs to safety Editorial Deported man given 145,000$ as parting gift by Businge Abid Weere City of New York Lindsey Kukunda Raymond Kunkundakwe Kellog to drop positive health claims about rice Mathias Muwonge krispies Bernard Olupot Francesca , Nadal and Stosur shine at French Open Writers in this issue Sara Akelly Warner Ernest Bazanye Australian Diner introduces 30% discount for Brian B. Coutinho Brenda Bitts customers who eat all the food they order and a Lindsey Kukunda Alfred Rwamirego penalty for those who don’t Rwakigumba Ronald Kalisa Micheal Rafayili Isaac Uproar over Comedy Central’s Jesus cartoon series Mufumbiro Isaac Genius Makka Samm Kabagambe Arthur Mwanje Zaasa Hundreds at risk in Nigeria over lead poisoning as Sly Drewd Joseph Onyder close to 200 die Jan Gurley South and North Korea relations break down Cover page Tendo Miti and friends at the first match at the Calabash, a world cup stadium , In South Africa 2 www.theworkzine.com The Workzine - 10 Jun 2010 Retirement Watch: Pipeline Part 2 This is part two and the concluding part Village elders lauded him for his vision It’s only the beginning!” of the Pipeline story and begged him to be chief of the village. Kamunyu finally saw the Big Picture. He But Nyamwisi understood that what he smiled and extended his rough hand to his And The Tables Started To Turn had accomplished wasn’t a miracle. It old friend. They shook hands…and then was merely the first stage of a big, big hugged like long-lost friends that they Days turned into months. One day dream. You see, Nyamwisi had plans that were. Nyamwisi realized his pipeline was reached far beyond his village. halfway finished, which meant he only Pipeline Dreams in a Bucket-Carrying had to walk half as far to fill up his Nyamwisi planned to build pipelines all World buckets! Nyamwisi used the extra time over the kingdom! Years passed. Nyamwisi and Kamunyu to work on his pipeline. The completion had long since retired. Their worldwide date was advancing faster and faster. Does Kamunyu Have The Vision? pipeline business was still pumping The pipeline drove Kamunyu the millions a year into their accounts. During his rest breaks, Nyamwisi Bucket Man out of business, and it Sometimes on their trips through the watched his old friend Kamunyu carry pained Nyamwisi to see his old friend countryside, Nyamwisi and Kamunyu buckets. Kamunyu’s shoulders were begging for free drinks in the village would pass young men carrying water more stooped than ever. He was hunched bar. Nyamwisi arranged a meeting with buckets. in pain, his steps slowed by the daily Kamunyu. The childhood friends would pull over grind. Kamunyu was angry and sullen, and tell the young men their story and resenting the fact that he was doomed to “Kamunyu, I’ve come here to ask you for offer to help them build their own carry buckets, day in and day out, for the your help.” pipeline. A few would listen and jump rest of his life. Kamunyu straightened his stooped at the opportunity to start a pipeline shoulders, and his dark eyes narrowed to business. But sadly, most bucket carriers He began spending less time in his bed a squint. “Don’t mock me,” Kamunyu would hastily dismiss the notion of a and more time in the bar. When people hissed. pipeline. Nyamwisi and Kamunyu heard saw Kamunyu come, they’d whisper, “I haven’t come here to gloat,” said the same excuses over and over. “Here comes Kamunyu the Bucket Nyamwisi. “I’ve come here to offer you “I don’t have the time.” Man,” and giggle when the town drunk a great business opportunity. It took “My friend told me he knew a friend of mimicked Kamunyu’s stooped posture me more than two years before my first a friend who tried to build a pipeline and and shuffling gait. Kamunyu didn’t buy pipeline was complete. But I’ve learned a failed.” rounds or tell jokes anymore; preferring lot during those two years! I know what “Only the ones who get in early make to sit alone in a dark corner surrounded tools to use. Where to dig. How to lay money on pipelines.” by empty calabashes. the pipe. I kept notes as I went along, and “I’ve carried buckets all my life. I’ll stick I’ve developed a system that will allow with what I know.” Finally, Nyamwisi’s’s big day arrived me to build another pipeline…and then “I know some people who lost money in – the pipeline was complete! The another…and another. a pipeline scam. Not me.” villagers crowded around as the water “I could build a pipeline a year by myself. gushed from the pipeline into the village But that would not be the best use of my Nyamwisi and Kamunyu saw that so reservoir! Now that the village had a time. What I plan to do is to teach you many people lacked vision. steady supply of fresh water, people from and others how to build a pipeline…and Both men resigned themselves to the the surrounding villages to marvel at the then have you teach others…and have fact that they lived in a bucket-carrying magic of Nyamwisi. Others moved into each of them teach others…until there world…and that only a small percentage the village.It grew and prospered. is a pipeline to every village in the of people dared to dream pipeline dreams. Kingdom…then a pipeline to every Once the pipeline was complete, village in the Kingdom of Rwanda, Are you a bucket carrier? Or are you a Nyamwisi didn’t have to carry buckets Bunyoro, Ankole, Toro, Buganda…and pipeline man? anymore. The water flowed whether he eventually, a pipeline to every village in worked or not. It flowed while he ate. It the world! flowed while he slept. It flowed on the By Alfred Rwamirego weekends while he played. The more the “Just think,” Nyamwisi continued, “we <the writer can be reached at water flowed into the village, the more could make a small percentage off every [email protected]> the money flowed into Nyamwisi’s’s bucket of water that goes through those pockets! pipelines. The more water that flows through the pipelines, the more money Nyamwisi the Pipeline Man became that will flow into our pockets. The known as Nyamwisi, the Miracle Maker. pipeline I built isn’t the end of a dream. www.theworkzine.com 3 The Workzine - 10 Jun 2010 A Tired Professional or the Office Superhero pparently it’s a blessing to work in 2pm: Requisition for cash advance to processed to completion in record time. Aa semi-autonomous environ because facilitate another ghost trip in the name Don’t tip any of the finance guys though you get paid just to facilitate your of checking service provision in remote they are expecting rewards in fact report annual leave. If you are feeling down areas of North-eastern Uganda; ensure to any one suspect of expecting a tip to your right jealous about this premonition, include the line manager in the illusion so line manager. Secure the cash advance. take the day off and re-direct that rage that the M.D doesn’t hesitate to authorise 3.45pm: Send invitations to the ever to this readers’ indulgence. Presenting, the disbursement of tax payers’ money. cooperating campus bunny and her a methodical approach to Monday by 3pm: Summon three buddies assign hench-chicks. Set up a strategic a ‘target worker’, er er er here we specific duties for the ghost trip. Hold rendezvous and confirm participation. go……the following takes place between another meeting to decide on what to tell 4pm: Exit office premises and navigate 9.00 am and 4.00 pm your girl friends as the trip will include to the rendezvous location to pick up 9am: Jet into office with a face masked going out of town for about a week.

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