MIRROR OF MY MIND

MARLENE AGUILAR

Contents

Chapter 1. My Greatest Mentor...... 1 Chapter 2. The Academe...... 71 Chapter 3. Tea Parties and the US of M...... 158 Chapter 4. Great Mother of All...... 219 Chapter 5. Kill the Government...... 317 Chapter 6. My God is I ...... 393 I Will March ...... 404

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Chapter 1

My Greatest Mentor

My very first encounter with an adult man was founded by love and hate. It was initiated by betrayal and treachery. The very same man, who was supposed to love and protect me had instead harmed me, betrayed me and terrorized me. I encountered a terrorist at a very young age. That terrorist was my father. What happens to a little girl when she grows up with a man like that? What happens to children who grow up with parents like that? You would never know unless you suffered the same fate. What is your first memory? Have you ever asked yourself that crucial question? They say that your most paramount memories will affect you the rest of your life. So what is your first memory? How did this world welcome you? I will tell you mine. I remember lying on the floor in our humble home in Santa Mesa, Manila. I was sweating, shaking and kicking. I remember crying and screaming hysterically. “I will kill you!” I heard the monster yell at me, his voice sounded like doom. I gasped for air repeatedly, desperately struggling for life. I looked up above me and saw my father. His wild eyes flared against mine.

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My eyes were filled with rage and fire just like his. I loathed him. I loathed him so. I felt nothing but hatred for him as he stared down at me like a vicious animal threatening to murder me. In the blink of an eye, I felt his right foot against my neck. I held my breath with my mouth wide open. I continued to stare at him, while tears covered my cheeks. I wanted to kill him. Right then and there, I wanted to kill him. Then I felt I was running out of air. I couldn’t breath. It was during that very moment I knew how fragile life is. How frail mortals are. It was during that same corner of time I realized my life rested on a very thin thread of air. I was dying. Life was leaving me, because my father was killing me. I stopped kicking and screaming. I was too weak to do anything. My body had been defeated. Still, I continued to stare back at him. He lifted his foot releasing my neck. I gulped for air as fast as I could. Then I gasped for air some more. Life returned to me. I kept my eyes fixated upon my predator while a fresh batch of tears fell from my eyes soaking my face. I didn’t move. I couldn’t move. I just stared at my father, the one true evil in my life. In my mind, I chanted for his death on and on and on. He pressed his foot against my neck once more. “Obey me or I will kill you!” he shouted again. That is my first memory. I was three. My father broke me into many pieces to welcome me into this world. My psyche split into several, distinct personalities. Medea and Maya were separated as two opposite forces. Medea was forged out of infinite darkness and evil, while Maya was forged out of infinite lightness and good. Medea split into three personas giving life to Meilee, my warrior personality and Mariana, the sexual fiend. Maya did the same, giving life to Maria, the mother in me, and Molly, the child in me. Marlene commands them with the guidance

2 MIRROR OF MIND of M, my spiritual being who is directly connected to my soul and all that is beyond. This complex that was and still is me put my father into a situation he couldn’t possibly fathom. How could he? How could he handle the three year old me when I had divided into several personas? Imagine eight personalities mutating into different combinations. Mathematically, the potential assortment is astounding. He could never assault me as one person. He could only assault the person I decided to throw into the arena. Unknown to my father, he confronted an army of people inside me. Gender is no issue. My personalities defy the feminine and masculine gender. They use these tools as they please. Most of the time, I felt it was Meilee who was best suited to deal with my father’s madness. Meilee, the warrior in me has never lost a battle in her life. Why should she ever face defeat when the idea has never crossed her mind? My father and I engaged in a battle I couldn’t win physically. I was tiny. He was a giant. Nonetheless, I drove my father insane. That was the price he paid for harming me physically. I drove him further into insanity. During our fights, there were times I drove him screaming out of the house. These were the days I decided to stare at him coldly while he beat me. He couldn’t stand my indifference. He couldn’t stand my silent scream and sheer defiance. My catatonic state was my best defense against his senseless theatrics. I was supposed to be afraid of him. But I wasn’t afraid of him. How could I be? My hatred for him was so intense it surpassed any other feeling I had for him. “Stop staring at me with those evil eyes!” he’d yell at me. Then he would hit me. I just stared back at him unmoved. “I was cursed when you were born! That’s why lightening came. That’s why lightning hit our home!”

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“Your birth was a bad omen! That’s why bad things started happening to me when you were born. I used to be rich! Now I’m poor! You are my curse!” “You’re the child of hell, the child of evil! Stop staring at me with those eyes!” he’d yell again. Then he’d hit me some more. During times like this, my Lucifer remained in this matrix to deal with my father. Meanwhile, all my other personalities drifted off to wonderland. How could my father touch me during times like this? I wasn’t there. The best part of me wasn’t there with him. I was gone. It’s like robbing a house. How do you rob a house that is dark and empty? So he beat me until he was blue in the face. He beat me until his mind and body were drained. He beat me until he lost every fiber of sanity in his mind. Still I remained quiet and withdrawn. Still, I continued to stare at him with eyes beaming from Hades. And stared at him I did. My impassive behavior toward his rage drove him to the abyss, a place he couldn’t master. These days were crucial to my education in this realm. These were the days I learned to increase my threshold of pain as my father tormented my little body, the body of a little girl. These were also the very same days I learned to enjoy pain. Hence, my understanding of sadomasochism was stimulated. The more my father abused me physically, the stronger I became. He taught me how to endure pain. Eventually, he taught me to enjoy pain. He forced me to survive the extreme. He forced me to survive the unknown. He taught me how to dance with death. Unknown to him, his punishments became my rewards. Why? Because in the end, it was when he attacked me physically that I owned his mind. My poor father couldn’t see it. He couldn’t see that he was right about me. I am not only the child from hell. I am the devil. Medea is. But how could he possibly know for sure? He was just a man.

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I exhausted my father mentally and emotionally. He didn’t tire me the way I consumed him. He didn’t exhaust me because as I said, unknown to him, inside me is an army of different personalities. He couldn’t handle me. Those close to me wonder why I consumed the men in my life. The answer is very simple. All the men in my life have been terribly outnumbered by my mutating personalities. Think about it. Imagine all of my characters consuming one man. As Gabriel said, “To confront me is to confront the unknown. However, one unknown leads to other unknowns.” Would I change anything about my tortured childhood? No. If I could go back in time, would I change anything about my father? No, absolutely not. I prefer him exactly the way he was. He was the perfect father for a child like me. And he empowered me with courage most men wouldn’t imagine. I realize some of you wouldn’t understand this. But I admire my father beyond words. He taught me that love and hate co-exist. He taught me that if I were to love a man, I should love him despite himself. Moreover, I know that my father was crucial in forging me into the person I am today. He succeeded in teaching me that wars are not won by muscle power. Wars are won by mind and spirit. He taught me the pure art of war. In that respect, my father was my greatest mentor. Did my father affect the relationships I had with men? Absolutely. My father shattered me into so many pieces. How else could I have survived and conquered the cruel and extreme world he created for me as a child? The only way to survive him was to transmute into the unknown. So how do you fight someone with several personas? How do you care for someone like that? How do you love someone like that? More importantly, how does a man love a woman like me?

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I read this part of chapter one to Steve in tears who listened to me quietly and patiently. “It is well written,” he uttered softly. “I can write about my past because I remember it so well. It is so painful,” I said crying. “I write about the things that happened because I want others to read about it. I want them to see that I am free because I accept the horrible things that happened in my life. I face them. I don’t run from them.” “I want children who came from violent homes to find strength in my writings. I want them to see that they shouldn’t protect their abusive parents by making excuses for their bad behavior. Most of the time, that’s what abused children do. They feel guilty to think ill of their parents. I have no guilt about wishing my father death every time he beat his children.” “But my siblings protected my father’s demonic acts. You cannot correct wrong by shielding it. You cannot learn from life by running from its ugliness. You have to see it for what it is. You cannot be free in the present unless you conquer your past.” “Write it,” Steve said. “Write what you just told me.” “I will. I will because I will grow from it. And I will continue to revisit my painful childhood, because every time I go back, I learn something new. Every time I go back, I see it from a different angle.” “Life is a circle. From the day you are born to the day you die, that’s a circle. Every day of your life is connected and forever entwined, which means everything you do today affects that very same circle,” I stated. “The days of your life are not separated. Past or present, the events of your life affect the circle.” “A continuum,” Steve remarked. “Yes. All the events of your life are connected. Everything you do

6 MIRROR OF MIND affects that circle,” I stated. “For example, I am today a very wise woman. I have never been stronger in my life. So, if I go back in time and talk to the three year old me and explain to her my father’s bad behavior toward her, then she absorbs my wisdom and strength. I empower that child. In doing so, I change the fate of the circle. Do you understand?” “All the days of our lives are all connected from the moment we are born. There is no time and space, no past or future. The days of our lives are part of the same circle continuously progressing.” “So as I progress through life, the circle changes with me. That circle in this reality is also entwined to other circles of my other existences. For example my past lives in Egypt or in China or in Rome connect to that ring. So are my circles of lives in future existences. Every single thing I do in this matrix influence all those circles of existences and vice versa. They’re all entwined feeding each other as they evolve in parallel existences.” “All these circles co-exist. They either strengthen each other or weaken them.” “Write it. Write what you just said,” my partner of fourteen years beckoned me. “You know one of the many reasons why my writing is good is because you listen to me. You help me think,’ I told him. “They say when a girl grows up, she either marries a man exactly like her father or just the opposite. The same goes for boys and their mothers. Well, I couldn’t talk to my father. But I can certainly talk to you. In that sense, I married the exact opposite of my father.” So how does a man love a woman like me? I would like to quote narrative from Bringer of Death. Please read below. “‘So, why does Marlene affect men in this manner? What does

7 MARLENE AGUILAR she do?” Paulie asked Steve while drinking wine one December afternoon in my garden. “She is a very complex person. There are so many facets to her being, different personalities, each of them very intense. And a few of her personas are the abyss. For example, one of her personalities, whom she calls Mariana, is a sex-mongering vixen. After living with her for 12 years, I’m still getting to know her. Plus, I don’t believe I will ever know the depth of this singular set of personalities. Sex with her is so unreal; you forget it after. You see, the idea doesn’t belong in this realm. The act doesn’t exist in this plane, except maybe in the imagination of very creative minds. Her sex exists only in her made-up reality, a world only she has access to, and a world she dominates. So the memory of your actions remains hidden in your subconscious, until Mariana confronts you again and lets you into her domain. People talk about the power of heroine, and why it becomes addicting. Mariana is like that. She’s like a powerful drug.” “Life with her is forever changing, challenging and exciting. Sex with her, each time is better than the last. There is no limit.” Steve answered. “She is not only attractive, but exciting and alluring. She is utterly compelling. She is intelligent. She is highly capable and very independent. She is antagonizing. She is unpredictable. She is fiercely frightening, and at the same time fiercely fascinating to both men and women. However, most of all, she is true. Truth sometimes comes with pain, but she also pushes those close to her to confront life without fear. She helps you understand yourself better because she pushes you to the edge. Did you notice that people either run to her or run from her? Nonetheless, for those who remain close to her, she intoxicates them with her energy, affecting and afflicting them for life.

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“She is also a great partner, wife and mother. She has a personality that mothers all those close to her. But what is addicting about her is her free mind and spirit. No one knows freedom the way Marlene knows it. Nothing owns her. And because of this, people are drawn to her. She has something unique within her that no one else has. That’s the magic of her flame.” “So, why do you think Marlene affects men so fiercely?” Steve asked the gay oracle the same question. “This is because while viciously feeding on their soul, she feeds their soul with all her might in the process. This way, she overwhelms them beyond redemption. The relationship she’s had with her lovers is not of this world. To confront her is to confront one abyss after the other. Her affairs with these men can never be replicated with any other mortal. In many ways, she spoils them to consume them. She forces them out of this matrix and sucks them into her void. In this manner, she ruins them for life,” Paulie answered. I have repeatedly told you about my father’s blackness. But if I were to tell you my Papang’s good side, I would probably bore you to tears. The other side of his darkness was just the exact opposite, like the flipside of a coin. He was the most loving, most generous and caring man. Moreover, his courage was beyond compare. He cared for the poor. He defended the weak. My siblings see him as the hero in every western movie. When he died, the chapel where we held his wake was packed with people like some state leader died. Our hometown Santo Thomas, Isabela was thirteen hours away by land. Yet, people arrived in busloads from our hometown to say farewell to their former chief of police. Men and women stood before his coffin crying, mourning for their chief’s death. They sat with my mother, my siblings and me

9 MARLENE AGUILAR in tears. They told us stories about my father, about the chief they loved and admired. The brave chief they called him and the good chief they called him. They told us how my father went out of his way to help them. But that is another story all together. I plan to write a book called Dancing with Death. It is about my father. It will be the story of a very brave man, the story of a man who practiced the occult, the story of a man who spoke languages the world has forgotten. It will be the story of a man who spoke to the spirit world. It will speak of the amazing adventures of a man who confronted terrains most men would never know exist. In my father’s book, I would like to present to you how my four siblings see him. I’m sure each of them would have a different and astonishing story to tell about him and their relationships with him. I hated him almost all my life. How terribly exhausting it was to live with such a curse. Maybe I got tired of hating him over the years. Maybe I decided to find another way to live. Because one day, I decided if I were to judge my father for the bad things he did to me, in the name of fairness, I should also look at the good things he did for me. So I literally sat at the table by myself and it was then I assessed my relationship with the devil that is my father. On the left side of the table, I placed all the terrible and painful things he did to me. On the right side of the counter, I placed all the good things he did for me. It was then I realized my father wasn’t all bad. He was also a very passionate and loving man. He loved me deeply despite his horrible behavior when he found it necessary to beat his children. It was then I realized that it is possible to hate the person you love. It was then I embraced love and hate with an open heart. It was then I found balance between these two very powerful and opposite emotions. I was thirty-seven years old when I found balance toward my

10 MIRROR OF MIND feeling of love and hate for him. How wonderful it was to finally get there. How wonderful it was to find balance. Finally, I was free, free to love and hate my beautiful and crazy father at the same time. I posted a portion of this chapter on my Facebook wall. My soul child Aimee Rivadillo who also comes from a battered home remarked saying, “I feel you.” Another soul child of mine named Nuni stated, “I went through the same with my dad! I also considered him my curse!” My sister Aida commented. She wrote: “Yes, Papang had his reasons for being strict with his children. He loved us dearly although he used punishment as a way to discipline his kids. But who did not during his generation and the generation before him? His mother did worst things to them as kids, according to his stories. He was taught that using a belt, a bamboo stick or kneeling on mung beans was better than allowing the kids to grow up without discipline and not distinguishing bad from good. He showed his love for all of us but the rebellious children did not see it. I did and I still do to this date. My father and yours too was not an evil man.” This was my reaction to my sister’s statement, which I posted on my Facebook wall. “I believe there is yin and yang in each of us. I believe there is blackness and lightness in each of us. I believe there is good and evil in each of us. After all, each of us is connected to the ONE creator that is good and evil in equal and opposite measures. In that respect, I believe the part of my father that abused me physically was evil. The part of him that loved and cared for me was the part of him that was good. I would like to add that my hatred toward my father empowers my love for him. They are one and the same, like two sides of the same coin. I hate him and love him in equal measures.”

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Nuni posted her comment once more. She wrote, “Yes, mom! I love you so much! Thank you for making all of us feel your love!” “Haha! I also went catatonic in one of our fights!” I read my sister’s statement to Steve. At that point, we had this conversation. “Sounds like your sister is making excuses, excusing the bad behavior of the parent.” “She can’t possibly know how I feel. I never saw my father hit her, not once. His voice was her command. She worshipped him. She kissed his ass. I was the opposite. I hated my father so much most of the time that was all I felt for him. That feeling of deep hatred toward him stopped me from ever hitting my children. I never wanted my children to hate me the way I hated him so I didn’t hit them. For that reason, I didn’t hit any other children in my family. Whereas my siblings hit not only their children but also my nephews and nieces! They never touched my children though. They knew I didn’t approve of it.” “My god! I’m so tired of my siblings’ excuses for my father’s bad behavior. That’s what parents did during that time? Did all parents in the Philippines beat their children until they bled during the time we were growing up? What the fuck!” “Okay. Even if I agree for one moment that my father’s sick behavior was the norm at the time, it still doesn’t make it right to beat your children! It is wrong!” “She makes it sound like all parents did the same to their children. I went to school with kids who were not battered by their parents. She makes it sound like my father was like all other parents. That’s even worse! There is no other parent like my father. You can’t compare him with anyone!” “I think all children would like to feel that their parents were

12 MIRROR OF MIND good. And as a child, they would want the world to know that they had good parents. Where this is not the case, where there is bad parenting, the child makes excuses to hide the cuts and bruises. And the child who would carry those excuses into adulthood would repeat the same actions inflicting the same parenting, necessarily reinforcing excuses for ill-treating their own children.” “They feel guilty thinking ill of my father so they make excuses for his bad deeds. And they use the same excuses to comfort their wounds when it’s all a lie. No matter how you look at it, beating your children is wrong. Making excuses for your parent’s bad behavior is like using the wrong drug to heal the sickness. That’s like using the wrong drug to heal the pain.” “My father threatened to kill me, so I wanted to kill him back. For all I know, he probably loved me and hated me too. That’s fine with me as long as it’s the truth!” “My father and I fought like crazy. But despite all the shit he and I went through, I never felt unloved by him. Actually, I felt he loved me and admired me more than any of my siblings because I stood up to him. I feel he admired me, respected me and loved me in a special way because I had the gumption and the courage to stand up to him.” “I have no problem expressing my sheer hatred toward my father because it is my hatred that powers my love for him. To recognize my hatred for him and give it its true value is to recognize my love for him and give it its true value. They’re one and the same. One can’t be without the other.” When I look back, I realize that my former lovers were quite different from one other. I believe I chose each one to please a certain personality of mine. I was attracted to various personalities to feed the various people inside me. However, just this morning I asked my

13 MARLENE AGUILAR self why I never fell in love with a crazy artist. I’ve been surrounded with musicians all my life because I come from a family of musical geniuses. During my time in Worcester State College, media was my minor so I was besieged with all sorts of artists from different genres. I attended the Eric Morris acting school in New York. His students represented some of the most talented dancers, actors, writers and cinematographers in the US. In addition, I’ve worked closely with the most celebrated visual artists in the Philippines for many years. Yet, I never fell in love with an insane artist. Why? I think it is because I am so in love with the lunatic artist in me that there is no room for any one else. I have had four male mentors in this matrix. That is my father, Marcus, William Ivler and Gabriel. They all shared something in common. All these men served the US military. All these men have courage and passion like legendary heroes in epic films. All these men, I love and hate in equal measure. Gabriel shouldn’t be so pleased that I listed him as one of my mentors. His inclusion only means that he’s a bigger asshole than all the other US military men I met. These four men were key to my growth and transformation. Have you ever hated the person you love? If your answer is yes, then you know such a connection is the most challenging affair. If your answer is yes, then you know such a relationship connects you to that soul in ways other people would never understand. Hating the person you love is like relishing Asian food that is sweet, spicy and sour all at the same time. The flavor overwhelms your mouth, seducing your palate. The taste of the mysterious hangs back all over your tongue caressing it ever so sweetly until the zest attacks your faculties’ blind. Next thing you know, wild juices drift all over your mouth corrupting your senses. Still, the savor lingers

14 MIRROR OF MIND in your mind on and on and on, until the next encounter. The engagement is so vile and sugar coated, you would crave for it after. That kind of love stings and leaves a distinct mark in your life. That’s probably one of the reasons I didn’t have difficulty hating the men I loved. My father taught me that to acknowledge my true hatred toward the man I love is to acknowledge his true importance in my life. Love and hate bonding is so convoluted and confusing. It shines as bright as the midday sun. It is also like a great and raging storm sweeping violently and mercilessly across the ocean. It is filled with all sorts of traps and surprises. The affair is terribly tempting. It is enchanting. Let me tell you more about these wicked affairs of man. If you could rise above its paradox and embrace such apparent disorder without fear, then you will see all its hidden glory and wonder. You will see its true magic. Then, you will realize that such bonding empowers its disciples with the chance to conquer the unknown. These relationships endow its disciples the very chance to go beyond what most men would ever know. To survive my father was to survive the extreme. After my father passed away, I replaced him with Marcus. Subconsciously, I recreated my love and hate relationship with my father with the beast. No one in my family knew my true background with Marcus. Over the years, my older brother Freddie and his wife Josephine insinuated that my former lover may be with the Mafia but that was not it. As far as my children, they didn’t know either. When they were young boys, there were times when I’d say, “I have friends coming. They kill people for a living. Stay out of the way.” This kind of visit from interesting men was not an uncommon occurrence through the years, which I’m sure, affected my son’s psyches. Nevertheless,

15 MARLENE AGUILAR they didn’t know I was an asset for a CIA operative. No one knew. When my partner of fourteen years Stephen Pollard came into my life, he knew nothing of my violent past either. What was I suppose to say? “Oh by the way, before you marry me, you should know I could fulfill an assassination list?” Should I have said that to him? I wonder how Steve would have reacted if I told him that before our wedding. So I asked him. “What would you have done if I told you I was an asset for the CIA before we got married? What would you have done if I told you then I could deliver an assassination list?” I asked him just now. “I would have said something silly,” he answered smiling like a little boy. “Would you still have married me?” I asked. “Oh yes. That I’m sure,” he replied. There is a small part of me that questions Steve’s answer. However, after being with him for over fourteen years, I know the unknown fascinates him. The unknown compels him. Deep within, he craves for danger. I’m his fix. Steve and I are both introverts. Sometimes I wonder if introverts are older souls since they don’t seek the company of many. We do not care for small talk and false pleasantries. Steve and I are so different, yet we have the same taste in almost everything. We share the same opinions on people, film, house, fashion, furniture, food, wine, poetry, art and music. Our taste in music is so varied and soulful. We loathe commercial music. Thanks to Steve, at home, we have a collection of CD’s from over sixty countries. It has been his job to choose the genre of music playing in our home since we lived together. It’s been a rare occasion that I’ve disagreed with his choice of music over the years. Recently, Steve traveled to Samoa. He stayed there for three

16 MIRROR OF MIND weeks for work. On the way back he visited a long time friend named Warren Searell in Wellington, New Zealand who shares the same passion for music as we do. He was ambassador to the Philippines at one point in his career. Later on, Warren became chief of protocol for the New Zealand government. He gave Steve a few CD’s of jazz we didn’t have. One of them included music by the pianist Mike Nock from New Zealand. That’s what’s playing in the living room now. I can hear jazz from where I sit in the garden because the table where I’m sitting is next to the open door of the foyer. This room has it owns set of speakers feeding the garden with the sound of music. There are different kinds of jazz. There is New Orleans jazz, which is my favorite. Then there are swing jazz, bop, cool jazz and jazz-fusion. Cool Jazz is the only kind of music I can listen to while I write. So that’s what I’m listening to now. In this book, I would like to discuss with you my fascinating relationship with Steve. In the process, I will also include recent events of my life. This volume is my gift to my beautiful daughter Maya Aguilar Pollard whom I call my living dream. She is now ten years old. My poor daughter withstood unbearable pain and suffering at a tender age, thank to the brotherhood of apes in Washington DC. Maya, this book is for you. How blessed you are. You are the daughter of two parents who are highly intelligent, parents who are in one with the earth, parents who have courage beyond the understanding of most men, parents who know freedom most people will never know. That is your bloodline. And you should always be proud of it and hold your head up high. Maya, I cry as I write this. I think of the last three years of your life. I think of you walking seven kilometers with my supporters and

17 MARLENE AGUILAR me under the merciless heat of the summer in 2010. We marched many times from our home to the Quezon City Hall of Justice to protest against the evil government of the Philippines. On YouTube, you saw government officials attack our home. You saw NBI agents shoot your brother and torture him afterward. You witnessed how the government repeatedly violated your brother’s human rights. You witnessed how the evil media condemned your brother, your mother and your entire family without any trial. You had to endure children in your school calling your brother a murderer because of the hate propaganda the government and the media launched against us. You were only seven years old. I think of how much you have suffered and endured because of men who believe they control the world. I think of how much you have suffered and endured because of men who wanted to subjugate me. I think of how much you have suffered and endured because of the men who have abused and oppressed me for the past six years. You were the casualty of a great war I fought with these powerful men, men whose hearts are corrupted by evil. But I know, like me, you will draw strength from all this tragedy. Thus, you will grow and transform. Do not ever run from pain. Do not ever fear pain. Embrace it with all your heart. Taste it. Feel it. Know it. Pain is a great weapon. And I will teach you how to forge it into power. I will show you how to turn pain into wisdom and omnipotence. Toward the end of my last book, I wrote: “Rob healed me from the cruelty I suffered from my father’s hands. It was his pure affection for me that empowered me to believe in true love. But it was Steve who showed me love I did not know existed.” Steve. The thought of him alone calms me down. He is like a gift from heaven brought down to earth to soothe my broken heart.

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All my life, I have tried to understand my bizarre relationships with men. I have tried to understand my relationships with each of my former lovers. I have been talking to my younger sister Tess everyday recently. She gives me interesting insights regarding my books, which I value deeply. She also comments on my relationships with men. This is what she said to me lately. “Every man that loved you lost himself in you. Each of them poured his life unto you, only for you to decide it wasn’t enough. So you walked away.” “It’s like they poured their lives into a vessel that has no end.” My sister is right. Each man that came close to me loved me with all his might. I do not believe any of them could have loved me more. Yes, they poured their whole being unto me. Did I demand it subconsciously? Did I suck the life out of them like I did with my father? Did I force these men in the same theater of war my father and I engaged in? Did I manipulate them into a battle they couldn’t win? If so, is there no escape for these men? May 17, 2013, I sit in my garden facing the pool surrounded by swaying greenery and chirping birds. The morning sun fills the lush landscape with shining light. I feel good. It has been very trying for me the last few days. It amazes me that I continue to live a quiet and wonderful life within the boundaries of my home despite the world of death and destruction the US created for me. I had a huge vegetable garden in Sterling, Massachusetts. I miss growing vegetables and the joy it brings. So over a month ago, I told Maya that we would convert our tropical gardens and grow vegetables along side the ornamental plants. Today, we have a wide variety of vegetables and fruit bearing trees. We have a dozen calamansi trees, which look like little limes and are also called calomondin. We use this in noodles, soups and

19 MARLENE AGUILAR other dishes. Filipinos also love calamansi juice. We now have two varieties of bananas, three papaya trees, several basil, tarragon, peppermint, a dozen tomatoes, dill, two kinds of sweet potatoes, vine spinach, local red chili called labuyo, Thai red chili, green chili, guava apple, scallions, squash, lemon grass, water spinach which we call kangkong, bitter melon which we call ampalaya, string beans, winged beans and okra. We also have two moringa trees and kamias, also known as averrohoa bilimbi. Maya has harvested calamansi twice already. She made three glasses of juice out of them each time. She served them chilled for lunch to her great delight and to the delight of her parents as well. Yesterday, she harvested kangkong from the garden. We mixed these leafy green veggies to make soup, boiling green tamarind, onions, lemon grass, ginger and tomatoes as the base. Then we added fresh prawns, clams, string beans, shitake mushrooms and clear noodles. Next week, Maya will harvest leaves from the white sweet potato plants. We will use them to make mongo soup. Mongo is also known as mung beans. What joy it is to have produce growing from our own backyard. I suggest you try it at home. If you don’t have a yard, you could grow many kinds of vegetables in terracotta pots. I have written other chapters of this book already. I was halfway done with this chapter and I was so happy with my narrative. However, my IMac blew up. The Apple service center in Manila kept it for over two months because they waited for parts to arrive from the US in order to fix it. So, while my laptop was gone I worked on the succeeding episodes of this novel. My laptop is back. Unfortunately, the hard drive was unrecoverable. Therefore, I lost all my narrative. Maybe those monitoring me found it necessary to inflict further pain upon me by messing with this chapter.

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May 31, 2013, my daughter Maya leaves at around 6am to go to school from Mondays to Fridays. My secretary Mary Jean rides with her in the back of the car. The vehicle that normally brings her to school is color coded today so she and Mary Jean took the other wagon. This morning while I was still in bed, I received a text message from my secretary that the car broke down on her way home and that Steve who was getting ready to leave should take a cab to the Asian Development Bank where he is currently doing some research. I called my secretary immediately who told me that a traffic policeman had already assisted them. He called the Metro Manila Development Authority for a tow truck. After speaking to Mary Jean, I got up to get breakfast ready for Steve and me. My staff Kristine who normally prepares our first meal of the day is away on vacation. When I went to the kitchen I found our driver Jojo there. He had just returned from Starbucks with fresh brewed coffee and plain croissants, which I asked him to purchase the night before. He goes to Starbucks or Café France every morning to buy us brewed coffee. Apparently Jojo agreed to take care of our meals in the morning while Kristine is away. He took the bamboo placemats from the pantry and went outside to prepare our breakfast table in the garden. Meanwhile I got some cheese in the fridge with herbs and placed them on a wooden board along with a special cheese cutter. On the way to the table I pinched off some dill from the potted plant by the pool to decorate the cheese. I also placed a small blue plate on the table with butter and strawberry jam that came from Starbucks. Breakfast was served, coffee, plain croissants and cheese with herbs. The morning was very still. The plants looked stoic with the absence of the passing wind. Even the birds chirping sounded sleepy this morning. When I looked up I saw the new structure that I built at

21 MARLENE AGUILAR the end of the pool. It is made of what we call green stone. I love the dragon images across the top of the terracotta roof. We purchased them in Indonesia. This stone house is Steve’s office. On the second level is what I call my quiet room. It isn’t finished yet, but in my mind it is. I mean I’ve designed it in my head. The building looks like a Buddhist temple, a place of worship and magic. Stretching out to its right is the old and quaint frangipani tree laden with leaves and dainty pink flowers shining in all its glory. Underneath it is sweet red potato that has now covered the ground. To its right, I see the vegetable garden Maya and I planted over a month ago. The winged beans next to the ancient wooden door to Steve’s office are now around ten feet in height rushing to climb the bamboo trellis above it. Many years ago, Steve and I took a few trips to China together so I could buy forty-foot containers of antique art and furniture. The door to his office came from one of these containers. It is a two hundred year old carving, which I had my master carpenter frame with reclaimed hard wood to fit the entrance. To the right of the winged beans are the bitter melon vines that are also climbing the bamboo trellis. All these are visible from where I sit eating my breakfast. And the site of them warms my heart every time. Steve sat by my right at the head of the table. I sat where I always sit staring at the pool and all the wonderful tropical fauna that encloses it. Suddenly we saw something flying from the yucca tree to my left toward one of the air plants down below. The female cat Meilee quickly pursued the thingamajig, jumping from the roof above me to the tree. “What was that?” Steve asked big eyed, after sipping his coffee. “Meilee is chasing a frog,” I said. “Where? I don’t see it,” he stated.

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“It’s there, hiding on the leaf of that cobra fern. You can’t see it from where you’re sitting.” Steve moved his left shoulder closer to me placing his left arm in front of me. Then he extended his neck forward so he could see the little frog perched on the leaf, hiding from its predator. “There,” I pointed with my right hand. “Can you see it now?” “Yes, I can,” he answered. Like my friendship with Robert Ivler, I can talk to Steve about little things and big things and everything else in between. One of the things I greatly appreciate about him is his connection with Mother Nature. Steve finds beauty in the smallest of flowers in the garden. Like me, he finds beauty in the smallest and most simple life in the natural world. On the other hand, we both stay away from the glamour and glitter of the so-called high society. “I’m so glad you stay away from parties the way I do,” I said to him one day. “We both don’t seek the company of others,” I added. “People who go to parties to seek the companionship of others are empty inside. Our souls are full. We don’t need the false presence of other people,” he said. Do you have any idea what a gift it is to have a partner you can talk to freely? Do you have any idea what a gift it is to have a partner who would listen to you and support your ideas? Do you have any idea what a gift it is to have a partner who admires you, respects you and loves you? And do you have any idea what a gift it is to admire, respect and love that partner in return? That is Stephen Pollard to me. No man has ever confronted all my personalities, not even my father. How could he? I kept my distance from him. When I look back now, I think of the men I loved and also those I loved and hated. The only one who has known more of my personalities than

23 MARLENE AGUILAR anyone is Stephen Pollard. He’s also spent more time with me in this matrix than any other man. Still, he admits I am one unknown after another. I wrote earlier we have been together for fourteen years but it’s actually more than that now. The first eight years of my life with Steve was bliss. There is no other way to describe it. Those eight years were the happiest days of my life in this world. It ended one evening in May 2007 after an incident that happened between Steve and my personality Molly. I thought our relationship was finished after that. Why did I think that? I didn’t think I could forgive him for hurting Molly. I didn’t think I could ever trust him after that. I ended it with Steve the following day. We talked about it in the garden. “The only way to fix our problem is to admit there is a problem,” I told him in tears. “It’s over between us. Something is broken that can never be mended,” I added. “I don’t understand,” he stated. “I would never hurt you knowingly.” Unknown to Steve, at the time, I no longer saw his face while he spoke to me. All I could see was the face of my father who beat me endlessly. And I couldn’t trust him anymore. We discussed what was best for Maya and us. We discussed living in separate homes. But we decided it was best to stay together and work it out. One day in June 2007, Marcus came to Bulan for lunch. After his meal, I sat with my mentor and told him what happened between Steve and me. I spoke to him crying. He sat there in silence while he listened to me patiently and stared at me with his homicidal eyes. He didn’t say a word, not one word. After I spoke, he got up from the table and walked to the bathroom. He stayed there for some time. Maybe he needed to absorb what I said. Maybe he needed to

24 MIRROR OF MIND breath. Or maybe, he needed to make a quick phone call in reaction to what I said. That’s Marcus. He could never stand to see me in pain. He never knew what to say when I was grieving. He would only listen and stare at me in silence during moments like this. Yet, I know. I know that he felt every word I said. I shouldn’t have spoken to the bastard that day in June. It was after that that my life changed. Thus, one evening in July 2007, Marcus walked into Bulan with nine other men representing different factions of the US government. That was the night I met Caesar. The rest is history. They haven’t left me alone since. Let us go back again to the year 2007. “Have you ever known anyone so perfect?” Marcus asked Colonel Sam grinning while he showed the latter my photograph on the back cover of my coffee table book Philippines. For some strange reason, my stomach turned watching Marcus that time. This incident happened one evening while we sat together at the mezzanine of Bulan, my former restaurant. During the course of the evening, Marcus uttered the same statement to the colonel, three times showing him my photo, grinning like an animal every time. And each time, Marcus gave the same statement, my stomach turned. There was something peculiar in the air that night. My unseen guardians surrounded me, warning me of the future to come. Colonel Sam is a general now. But as far as my life is concerned it has been raining hell since. Unknown to me at the time, Marcus and some agents representing power brokers in Washington DC marked me as potential leader of the Philippines. “Have you ever known anyone so perfect?” Marcus asked. He meant I was perfect for politics. Why is that? At that time, I had already published several books on Philippine art and culture.

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I had accumulated awards and citations both in the Philippines and abroad for my books defending Philippine art and culture. Because of this I had gotten the respect and admiration of the art community and some key members of the Filipino elite. In addition, my last name is loved by the masses because of my brother Freddie Aguilar’s popularity in the music industry. Therefore my name Marlene Aguilar was ideal for politics. My name would have gotten the support of the Filipino masses, the cultural community and the elite as well. On top of that, I had a past with the US government. One of their top CIA agents practically raised me after my father died. All that put together makes me ‘perfect’ as far as the monstrous Marcus is concerned. I am not a politician. I will never be one! I have seen how the US manipulated my government putting into power their choice as leaders. The US puts these leaders into power but when the tides turn, they can also destroy them. In my opinion, all leaders of the Philippines with the exception of Joseph Estrada were nothing but puppets of America. In my eyes, they were nothing but prostitutes who bent over backwards to please whatever agenda the US dictated. I also believe that the government of Ferdinand Marcos fell because at some point in his long tenure, he defied the wishes of the US government. I believe the same happened to Ramon Magsaysay, which is why his plane crashed. I believe that with the help of Marcus, the US government marked me as their political whore. Why in the world would I want that? Before 2007, I had everything this world could ever offer. I couldn’t have asked for more. Why would I want to work for the evil government of America? Why would I want to work for an institution that exists to propagate death and destruction? I wrote Warriors of Heaven so they may see through me. I thought,

26 MIRROR OF MIND the US would kill me anyway if I disobeyed so I might as well write a book to help free my people from mental slavery. Death would have been a gift. But I didn’t die in the process. Powers within the US government tormented me instead. They terrorized those I love and me. It’s been six years now since July 2007, when Caesar walked into Bulan with Marcus and those eight other men representing the US government. Since then, I experienced pain and horror I never imagined was possible in this one life. Today is July 14, 2013. I am lying on a couch in my room in Ellerton. We are now occupying a two-bedroom suite. It is half past three in the afternoon and Steve is next door taking his nap. I spoke to him about this book last night and told him how painful it was for me to lose the narrative I wrote for this section. It was about the day I met him, a day I shall remember for the rest of my life. We talked for some time about this book and about our life. I told him I believe I lost the first chapter to this book because my guardians stopped me from writing certain aspects of my relationship with him. July 16, 2013, I woke up this morning and decided to work on the earlier narrative of this chapter. We leave Sri Lanka later today. I’ve been posting photos from this place on my Facebook for the past three days. I have also changed my profile picture showing a photo of me riding Lakshmi, the elephant. When I got tired writing, I turned on the Internet and checked my Facebook and email account. I was surprised to see a message from my soul child Jordan. I haven’t heard from him for a while but have thought about him often. He wrote: “Dearest Mommy, I love your face on your profile photo. You look comfortable, peaceful, beautiful, and open. I remember this face. This is the face I had breakfast with every morning when you let me live in your

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beautiful home. I remember our long talks in the morning; our topics ranging from Eastern Philosophy to the very mundane things we notice in the everyday life. I remember this face reading the next chapter of the book you’ve written during the wee hours of the evening before. I remember the comfortable silence and the roaring laughter between us. I remember the tears this face had shed for those children who were broken by the unfairness of the world. I remember those intimate moments. I remember the feeling and it made me grateful. In that very corner of space and time, I was with this version of you, a version of you that very few people would ever get to see. I was so alive back then, Mommy. I was so happy.” I replied to him at once. I wrote: “I am lying on a couch in a house situated in the midst of a rainforest in Sri Lanka, writing my next book. I read your beautiful narrative with tears running down my cheeks. Thank you for writing me. You bring comfort to my broken heart, a heart that will always hold you with endless love.” I so love this cosmic child of mine. I love him because like no other, he holds and comforts the part of me that is forever in tears. July 19, 2013 I posted another photo of mine on Facebook as my profile showing me riding Lakshmi, the elephant. Paulie posted this narrative under it. “Many people regard the earth as a female deity, a mother-goddess who rules all people and is the mother of all creatures. The earth lives and gives birth to every new generations of beings. She will make the grass grow when heaven gives her rain and if there is no rain, she withdraws into her own depths, waiting for better times to come. Many regions have to endure dry season when nothing grows and death reigns. As soon as the new rains come, life begins miraculously.

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Grass sprouts, flowers open and the frogs croak, creeping out of the earth that hid them. Thus the earth conceals life, protects it against desecration and revives it as soon as better times arrive. Without the gifts of the earth no one lives. Many believe that the ancestors live under the earth; in houses very similar to the ones they had here, on the surface of the earth. They also own cattle and goats there. Indeed there is a myth in which people go in search of the milk-lake under the earth, from where the milk is absorbed by the grassroots so that the cows and goats have milk from the earth. Where else could the milk come from? Our own flesh is earth; even the name Adam means ‘earth’. All creatures are made of earth. Fire too, lives in the earth, which sometimes spurts out in anger. Fire comes out of wood. So fire too must come from the earth. Wind too, it is believed, comes out of caves inside the earth. Thus all four elements come out of the earth. Yet, the earth is seldom worshipped; the libations, which are poured down during numerous ceremonies are more addressed to the ancestors than to the earth as a whole. Nevertheless, the earth has a very powerful spirit which rules over our life and death. Sometimes, when she is perturbed, she moves, forests and mountains and all. Unlike man, the animals understand their mother and obey her.” I reacted to Paulie’s writing and stated, “Beautiful narrative.” He replied back and noted: “I found it in a book that I am currently reading. It reminded me of you.” ‘Hail to the Shining Star of the East, Earth Mother Goddess Riding Triumphant on the Greatest of All Beasts. Her Love will Sustain You, But Her Wrath will Obliterate You ‘”

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Paulie is one of the most loving and giving people I know. I love him so and I feel blessed to have him in my life. The whole world could rise against him but my love for him will remain here and beyond. Meantime, Maya just stepped out of her bedroom smiling a huge smile. She had just finished reading chapter six of Warriors of Heaven. “Gabriel wants Bruce Willis to play his part?” she asked giggling with her brown eyes beaming like the sun. She gasped after her cheerful statement then she giggled some more. “That’s funny,” she said tittering again. “Wouldn’t you like Bruce Willis to play his part?” I asked my ten- year-old daughter. “Teeeeeeheeeeee. Maybe,” she said cracking up again. “Actually, Bruce Willis would do well playing his part because they’re both bald,” I told her giggling as well. “Yeaaaaaaaah,”she replied sill laughing. “So what do you think of my book?” I asked her. “Funny,” she said smiling a big smile. “What’s your favorite part?” I queried. “The chapter with Tito Paulie screaming for Mary Jean to give him your wig and make-up,” she answered in hysterics. She laughed so hard she had to catch her breath. “I didn’t know Tito Paulie could be soooo funny!” she resumed. “Don’t you think the book is sad too?” I inquired. “Yes,” she said. “The part about the Japanese is very sad. But I have Japanese friends in school, Yuki and Izumi. And they’re nice,” she continued. “You are the youngest person I know who read Warriors of Heaven. Aimee was eleven when she read it. Many grown-ups can’t

30 MIRROR OF MIND read that book. Those who are slaves of rules can’t read that book. Others simply do not have the mind to understand what I wrote. I’m so proud of you,” I said. Maya read The Hobbit before Warriors of Heaven. She is now halfway through reading Lord of the Rings. She was reading my book and Lord of the Rings at the same time but she finished Warriors of Heaven first. It amuses me that sometimes she reads several books at the same time. I am very proud of her love for reading. Parents must teach their children the joy of reading at a young age, so they learn to feed their minds early on in life. After discussing Warriors of Heaven with my daughter, we both got dressed to go to the gym. My mixed martial arts trainer Tata Galindez is currently teaching martial arts in China. The company who hired him gave him a two-year contract to work there. He is also Maya’s boxing and Muay Thai trainer. Currently, Maya and I have three trainers in the gym. Two of them were world-boxing champions. They are Rocky Palma and Kid Orais. The latter was also a Philippine champion in mixed martial arts. Maya and I had an appointment with Rocky. I will continue writing when I get back home. I just got home from Elorde Katipunan and I’m still sweating. I did eight hundred sit-ups straight while carrying a ten-pound plate. This exercise routine took around thirty-five minutes to finish. I worked out today with Jomer Mangisel who held my feet firm on the ground. I broke my record of seven hundred reps from last December. Boxing trainer Wendel Cajoles watched while I did my abdominal exercise. Afterward he said to me, “Ma’am I’d have a hard time doing one hundred sit-ups. And you did eight hundred straight. Does your tummy hurt?”

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“No,” I said. “It was my arms that gave up because of the plate.” After my abs work out, I did six rounds straight of boxing training with Rocky. After that I sparred with my other trainer named Jason Guibira doing Jiu Jitsu. Next month, I will try to do one thousand repetitions of sit-ups straight. Before I proceed I would like to tell you a story involving my boxing trainer Rocky who is one of the nicest men I have ever met. He’s very quiet and very gentle in nature. My birthday was on the nineteenth of June. Two days later, I trained with Rocky. “I will do twelve rounds Rocky,” I told him before we started our first round. “How many sets?” he asked smiling softly. “One set,” I stated. “I will do twelve rounds straight. I celebrated my birthday two days ago. This is our first training this year. I want to start it by doing twelve rounds straight.” During that time, I was wearing a pair of denim shorts along with a nice brown leather belt Steve gave me. After doing twelve rounds straight with Rocky, I removed my brown belt and handed it to him. “Here Rocky,” I told him. “This is for you, to mark this day. I want you to keep this belt so you’d always remember this day.” My trainer took the belt from me with the warmest smile. “Thank you,” he said. “I will treasure it.” When I returned to the gym the next day, Rocky confronted me smiling the most divine smile. “Ma’am,” he said gently. “Will you sign the belt you gave me?” “Of course. I’ll bring a signing pen tomorrow,” I said cheerful. Then I saw my other trainer Kid Orais approaching and smiling as well.

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“Ma’am, it was me who suggested to Rocky to ask you to sign the belt. It would mean more with your autograph on it. So he could show his family and friends proudly that you gave it to him. Without the signature they may wonder if Rocky may have stolen it or something,” Kid said cracking up. Actually I just arrived from Sri Lanka some thirty hours ago. I was there for ten days. I only exercised one day while I was there. I was afraid I would have a hard time catching up with my work out in the gym today. So I pushed myself harder. That’s what happens when I question my competence. I push myself harder to prove myself wrong. That’s why I was able to beat my record of seven hundred sits-ups straight in December. Tomorrow, I will dance for two hours straight with Jackie. Let us now go back in time. Before I left for Sri Lanka, I sent Gabriel this email. “You and your brothers have done nothing but cause me harm and pain. You exist to cause death, havoc and destruction. You are incapable of creating peace, joy or love. Since I met you, you’ve done nothing to nurture our friendship, nothing whatsoever. On the contrary, you supported your brothers’ torture of me.” “I asked you for a favor. Instead of granting my request, you sent me something else to mock me. I give up. Just like your brothers, you are nothing but a low life dick that excels in genocide. I don’t want you in my future. I’m sure the brotherhood could replace you with some other low life whose only job would be to make sure the bastards in DC get what they want when the time is ripe.” “There are reasons why I chose you to play a crucial part in my future. I trusted you. I trusted your instinct in war. Moreover, my blackness concerns me. I have never met any man who I thought could understand my darkness the way you do. My blackness like

33 MARLENE AGUILAR my lightness knows no end. If necessary, I have no problem killing people. If I could blink my eye and kill half of the population of the earth, I would do so and without hesitation. I’d do it to protect the earth. You were supposed to check the homicidal part of me and make sure I don’t go overboard with it.” “The other side of my utmost compassion is my absolute cruelty. I am the most giving person. I can do that because the flip side of that coin is when I give nothing. I haven’t spoken to or seen my son Jason Ivler for almost a year. Thanks to your brothers. If I can detach myself from one of the souls I treasure most in the galaxies, then believe me when I tell you I can detach myself from anyone else in this matrix.” “I want the brotherhood to send a replacement for you. I will choose from three men. His job will be to make sure they get their end of the bargain when the time comes. That is all. So go back to your ugly, fat, dumb and joyless wife. Live in misery for the rest of your life.” I forwarded the same email to Caesar but he didn’t get it. So I forwarded it to him again. He still didn’t get it. Therefore, I used another email account to send him a copy of the same email. Finally, he received it. Here is my conversation with the Special Forces Commander. “I never got this. Did you get a response?” “Yes.” “What did he say?” “He said, ‘so be it but he will always be there.’ Replacing Gabriel in my future is like replacing you. It isn’t possible. Anyone else would only be second best.” “Well, that means you have two men waiting for you and we will always be there.”

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On July 2, 2013, I sent this email to Caesar: “They’ have terrorized me for six years. They continue to cause me harm even to this very day. What do they hope to achieve? When does it end?” “I wonder how these men of superficial powers feel? Are they so lame to feel superior when they’ve ganged up and bullied one Asian woman for six years? These are not men in my eyes. They are worse than animals. Dogs and cats give love and loyalty, whereas these men are void of that. If they loathe me so much, then why not let me go. I’ve offered to leave the Philippines. If they loathe me so much, then why not kill me? That’s easy. But they won’t let me go and they won’t kill me. Yet, they continue to torture me.” “Isn’t it enough that they sent the entire government of the Philippines and its tri-media to destroy me? They have my son Jason Ivler. They have you. They have Gabriel. Plus, they’ve removed all the men close to me from my life, Howard Marks, Marcus and others. They have abducted my closest allies in the Philippines. Still, these men continue to play their games. Don’t they have anything better to do than fuck with my life? ” “After six years of torment, the only thing they’ve accomplished that is of true value to me is now I realize more how truly evil they are. I curse this group of men. Whatever pain they caused me in this life they will suffer tenfold and beyond. I curse them to endure a never-ending series of incarnation, only to suffer the same pain over and over again. I curse their souls to be lost forever in the void of eternal damnation.” “They will never figure you out because they are so superficial and think others are also. Look how Gabriel views me. He has no clue who I am or what I think and feel,” the son of Ra responded.

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In another email, I wrote Caesar this: “Why do you think the brotherhood continue to terrorize me? It’s been six years. In that period of time if they haven’t found what they’re looking for, then it isn’t there at all. Or are they so brainless that they can’t figure it out?” “I suspect that they are brainless or working several different angles,” he answered. I forwarded that last email to Gabriel along with this note: “I know you may not understand my gifts. Like your brothers, I don’t believe you were born with the mental and spiritual intellect to fathom who I am. Nevertheless, your soul is bonded with mine. Moreover, I believe that entwinement is eternal. We are both warriors of heaven and hell.” “The oracles call me a ‘cosmic conduit’ because I can command the five elements. I can command the energy of yin and yang.” “There is really no time. Past, present and future are happening simultaneously. My thoughts are powerful energy that I project into the atmosphere defying space. Therefore, my mind can move things. My mind can kill. ” “If you think for one moment that my curse couldn’t harm the men who tortured me, you are gravely mistaken. You are one of those men. You are part of the brotherhood of idiots who have haunted me and hunted me for six years. Don’t worry. You are safe from my curse. My love for you protects you. But don’t push it Dwarf. Don’t! Otherwise, you’d go to sleep and never wake up.” The culprit did not answer. Here are emails between Caesar and me in June 2013. “They threatened to abduct the family of my asset today. Their evil has no end. And so the black spell I cast upon them and those

36 MIRROR OF MIND they love will haunt them without end. I curse them all from here to eternity. ” “Why do they still use this method to coerce you when you are willing to work with them?” “There’s a reason for it, but I can’t discuss it here.” “I hate that we cannot talk openly.” “Well, they continue to push me desperate to understand me.” “I was so angry with them the other day. So I went into trance. I separated my soul from my body and turned myself into pure energy. I went under the earth. And from there I created havoc targeting the US Embassy. I shook the structures in that place from their foundations thrusting my wrath. The following day, their asset told me that there was earthquake at the US Embassy grounds that evening. ” “They have stolen a beautiful life from me, a life filled with love, peace and prosperity. They took all that away and tortured me in the process.” “Their evil knows no end. And I curse them from here to eternity. This curse includes all those working for the US government along with their assets that were instrumental in causing me pain. All is done. I couldn’t curse them more than I already have. Thus, all will fall into place, as it is heaven’s will. My enemies will die.” “I am surprised with their monitoring of our communication, they haven’t figured out how to reach out to you without hurting you.” “It isn’t in the nature of the beast to do so. The vital thing that comforts me is I see the future. They don’t.” “The terms and conditions, the plan I gave them is not something I created. It is what I saw the in the future. I know that part of the reason they continue to torture me is because they cannot accept that I am a woman. I am no woman. I am no man. My soul has no gender. ”

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“Gender is so irrelevant at this point. They are so short-minded.” Here’s an email to Gabriel in June as well. “They threatened to abduct the family of my female asset today, who has done nothing but follow their orders. She’s given more than what they could ever expect from anyone. And they threaten her.” “Your brothers’ evil knows no end. So I curse them and those they cherish to eternal suffering in this life and beyond.” He wrote back and said: “Sorry but I am working through my issues with knee problems and operations and going back to work...... ” Here is my reply. “So my voodoo afflicted you too. The US ambassador here Harry Thomas who is actually a gorilla posing as a human being also has knee problems.” Here is another email to Gabriel dated July 3, 2013. “I asked Caesar these questions. And he answered. But then the man is a gentleman, so he replies to my queries, always. “I am sending you the same questions. I beseech you to answer them.” “Why do you think the brotherhood continue to terrorize me? It’s been six years. If they haven’t found in that period what they’re looking for, then it isn’t there at all. Or are they so brainless that they can’t figure it out? ” The next day, I sent him another email. “You don’t answer my questions. Have you lost your balls now, too?” He wrote back and said: “No I really do have a day job so I’m a little busy...I will get to it....soon.”

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Meanwhile, Caesar responded to my questions. Here is our dialog via email. “I wish I knew but I don’t. It would have been easier to confront you and get you on board to their plan and go from there. I don’t know why they choose the hard/dumb way.” “I don’t think they are looking for something as much as moving pieces across the chess board” “You, the optimist. I would have said that over a year ago. They’re just brainless and evil.” “You are probably right but I am still the optimist.” Gabriel did answer my questions. Finally. My conversation with Caesar via email continues. “Gabriel stopped speaking to me openly since the raid in my home. But now he finally spoke out. I haven’t felt freedom like this since we met six years ago. I have waited for his blessing for so long. I have it now. He’s finally agreed they are brainless. ” “He is strong, what we knew all along.” “During the last six very painful years, regarding my conflict with the US, I trusted you and Gabriel most. The latter’s position is more complex. But he came through. In the end, he did the right thing by me. He told me to ‘fade away’ if they continue to hurt me. Tears.” “If you decide to “fade away”, I am always here for you.” “Gabriel said the people who “hurt me for the past six years are brainless.’ He also said, “ if they continue to cause me harm, I should fade away.’ I needed him to say that to me. I will explain it to you why when I see you in person.” “Although, his statement is very simple, from my perspective it means a lot of things. You have no idea how happy I am that he finally spoke out. I am relieved.”

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“I can read between the lines. It is a positive thing that he spoke out.” The last time I saw Gabriel was December 2008. I told him then that I’d rather live a simple life in a farm than work with the US government. After he answered my questions, after he finally spoke out, I sent him this email. Here is our exchange of communications. “If the US were to send someone to kill me, please tell them it has to be you. I deeply appreciate your last email to me more than you know. I have waited for so long for you to speak out. Now, you have and I feel freedom I haven’t felt since I met Caesar in July 2007.” “I know you take my verbal abuse calling you bald, brainless, fat Dwarf. However, you should know that when I think of you, I see a man who is beautiful inside and out.” “Thank you for finally speaking out. Thank you for coming through for me. Thank you for setting me free.” “I leave for Sri Lanka tomorrow. ” “Is that the farm or just another adventure as you move through life?” “We looked around for properties to buy, beautiful spots in the rainforests. I love this place, because it is still removed from the civilization the rest of the world knows. We’ll see.” The last time Paulie read my tarot he said that, “Gabriel will do something that would make me so happy. And that the devil on earth would surprise me.” Paulie was right; he did make me so happy when he finally stood up for me. After Gabriel spoke out and after he advised me to fade away, I removed all the contact numbers of my assets who are now working with the US government, including my beloved Chief Rod. I spoke to Trax before I left for Sri Lanka telling her to do the same and

40 MIRROR OF MIND that under no circumstances should she cooperate with them. She followed my behest. When I returned from my trip I called her to see how she was. I told her that I was happy because the vultures had not tried to contact me since Gabriel sent me that fateful email. She told me that on two occasions while I was away three vans came to her home at around two in the morning. Here’s my conversation on the phone with my brave female asset. “Agents of the US were here twice.” “How do you know it’s them?” “Remember when chief came to see me at two thirty in the morning before you left for abroad?” “Yeah.” “They brought three vans. The same vans came back twice around the same time when you were away. They were also seen by the neighborhood patrol here.” “What did you do?” “I reported the incident to the authorities. I filed a report twice, just so the events are recorded on paper. Plus, the neighborhood patrol saw the vans. I have witnesses.” “Did the vans have plates?” “No. The vans had no plates.” “Have they contacted you by phone?” “No, plus I changed my number.” “They haven’t contacted me either. What a relief. Finally, there is peace. I’m not working with them anymore. And you will not work with them either. Fuck them!” I thought they left me alone. I was wrong. July 22, 2013, out of the blue, I received an email from Miss California last night. Here is our conversation via email.

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“Hey can you scan and send me everything of Jason and Jian via email asap, just the complaint with the UN? I have a meeting with them and I am acting to get Jason and all our matters investigated.” “Thanks.” “You should ask Jian yourself. He still works for the US government as far as I know. Don’t waste your time with me. I’ve had enough of their crap. It’s been six years of bullshit. I’m not playing their game anymore.” “This matter is going to the UN, not the US, for just reasons. Okay, up to you.” “You are maid service for the US, same bullshit! Plus as far as I remember, you already have all of Jason’s docs. Jian’s, you can get from him.” After responding to the first email from Miss California, I sent Gabriel this email: “Well, I thought they had left me alone since you spoke out. I was actually enjoying my new and peaceful life, thanks to you. That ended today because I heard from that ugly, fat, obnoxious and retarded lesbian bitch, Miss California.” “I’m not playing their game anymore. It doesn’t interest me anymore. And the last thing I would do is work with the ugliest lesbian I ever saw on this planet who happens to have the mind of a deranged and obese ape!” “If they don’t like my decision, they can always kill me. And if they do decide that, like I said, they should send you. That’s all I ask. I wouldn’t run from you. I’ll even come to you. We’ll go take a boat and get lost in middle of the sea. There you can put a bullet to my head. Afterward, just push me off the boat. The ocean will take care of me.” “Do you even understand that at this point, death would be a gift

42 MIRROR OF MIND to me? There isn’t much in this world that fascinates me anymore. It is ruled by ugly men - evil men like your brothers whose powers corrupt them. Evil owns them.” “All these years, no matter how I try to find my connection with you in past lives, all I see is you carrying my dead body. That is all I see. I’m sure you don’t understand what this all means. Why should you? You are like your brothers, so limited in mind. How could you ever understand that there are things around us that we do not see with our naked eye? And these unseen forces are more crucial than the things we see.” “I will no longer cooperate with them, not until you give me the go signal. If they want me dead, just let me know. I surrender to no man. But I will surrender to destiny. I will surrender my life to you, because that is my chosen fate.” “I’d rather die than continue playing their bullshit games.” I sent a copy of the above email to Caesar. Here is our dialog via email. “Here is my email to Gabriel last night, FYI. Evil owns them. Nothing owns me.” “I look forward to reading any reply you get.” “He’s not going to reply to this one.” “Figures.” “The stupid lesbian asked me to send her the complaint my lawyer filed in the UN against the RP government regarding Jason Ivler’s case. I only involved the UN for two reasons. I wanted the Filipino people to see that I filed a case against the RP government in the UN. I did it for media mileage because I knew the media would report it. I also wanted the complaint recorded in the UN. I didn’t do it because I have faith in that institution. In my opinion, of all the international institutions, the UN is the most impotent!”

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“You are probably right. Besides, the moment has passed for it to have the impact you wanted.” “My partner who worked with WB, UN, ADB and other international organizations says the same thing. Of all the international organizations, the UN is the most incompetent and impotent.” “I agree with you.” “As if Miss California could ever do anything consequential in her life. Fucking cunt!” “Ha ha!” As far as I’m concerned, the UN is not there to serve the world. On the contrary, the UN is there to serve the agenda of those who want to destroy the world. Let’s talk about Trax. I gave her a moonstone many moons ago. This talisman was empowered by rituals of protection, incantations I performed with the guidance of Kuan Yin and the cosmic universe. Kuan Yin’s ancient wooden image sits in a meditative position on a wooden altar in one corner of my foyer. Her left palm lays flat against her left knee. Her right forearm is raised. However, you can’t see her right hand because it has been replaced by the image of a lotus. As you enter my vestibule, you will see the wooden altar standing between the edges of two walls adjoining each other. I placed the deity there to confront every soul that comes to my home. To the best of my knowledge the sculpture is a few hundred years old. To her left is a blue and white incense burner made of porcelain. In front of that is a small tea lite candle inside a blue and white porcelain bowl, which I purchased from Vietnam. My staff Kristine lights a new tea lite candle every morning for the altar, which I use when I burn incense as offering for Kuan Yin.

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One day, I called Trax to tell her she had to see me because I wanted to give her a special stone that would protect her. The next day, she arrived in my home early in the afternoon. After my secretary announced her arrival, I proceeded to the receiving room where she was waiting for me. When I entered the chamber I walked over to the image of Kuan Yin and picked up the moonstone I had placed on her lap. I handed it to Trax. “You must keep this stone close to you at all times,” I told Trax handing her the object. “Never leave home without it. It will protect you from harm. This stone will protect you from death,” I told her. Since then, Trax has held the stone close to her. Since then, she has been involved in multiple death threatening situations. She’s been framed for crimes she didn’t commit several times. On top of that, she’s been abducted several times. Each time I helped her. She survived them all. But the last kidnapping incident, which occurred in November last year, was the most painful for her. Why? Because it involved someone she has trusted all her life. When she was taken, she was gone for three weeks without a word. This is unusual since the other times she was taken, we heard from her within forty-eight hours. After that ransom was negotiated. This time, she simply vanished for twenty-one days without a word. Yet, I knew in my heart she would live to tell the tale for as long as she had in her possession the white stone I gave her. After three weeks, her husband sent me a text message one afternoon. By the way, Trax calls her husband Bong. That’s his real nickname. “Tita, I’ve stopped hoping Trax is still alive. I think she’s dead,” Bong wrote at around four in the afternoon. “No, she’s not dead. I feel she’s alive,” I replied at once. After I sent this message to Trax’s husband, I whispered a prayer

45 MARLENE AGUILAR to Kuan Yin. “I need you to perform a miracle. Please save Trax,” I uttered. In less than an hour, I heard from Trax. “Tita, it’s me Trax,” was the text message I got. That was how I found her. And that was how I knew who masterminded her abduction. To make a very long story short, within twenty -four hours from the time she sent me the message she had escaped her captors. Not long after that, those involved in her kidnapping perished. According to Chief Rod, the US government were involved in all these gruesome events. He told me that all the set-ups and all the kidnappings involving Trax and my allies were courtesy of the USA. Did the US think I would abandon my allies when they were in trouble? That is not in my nature, as it is not in my nature to show kindness to my enemies. After her rescue, I told Trax she had to move. I told her she could no longer stay in her home because she and her family was no longer safe there. So she moved out. In the process, she lost the white stone I gave her. So before she could even settle in her new home, she had a nervous breakdown. “Tita, Trax has gone crazy. She chased me with a machete last night. She doesn’t recognize anyone. She’s in the hospital now,” wrote her husband to me via his mobile phone. “Get her out of there! Doctors can’t help her. They will just drug her,” I replied. “Bring her to me. I will cure her,” I demanded. Apparently, Trax went in and out of sanity. She wasn’t so bad during the daytime. But she was worst in the evening when she became very violent and unable to identify her family and the people around her. She searched the house looking for her gun; while she screamed telling everyone she would kill them. She even hit her little girl who was then only about a year old, something she had never

46 MIRROR OF MIND done before. Bong therefore had her guarded twenty four seven, afraid she would hurt someone. Trax’s husband did get her out of the hospital but he didn’t bring her to me. Instead he took her to a series of faith healers who did rituals and ceremonies to heal her. This sequence of decisions by Bong took close to three months. During that period of time six shamans attempted to cure Trax. But her condition did not improve. Meanwhile, I asked my unseen guardians at home why Bong didn’t bring Trax to me so I could help her. “It has to be, numbers must pass. When the time is ripe, Trax will come,” they answered. Eventually, her husband brought Trax to faith healer number seven, an older woman who is also a strong psychic. This particular soul will become my ally in this journey. Our paths crossed the moment Trax entered her life. But she is no stranger to me. I have known this consciousness in lives beyond. I also call her mother seven or Nanay seven. In Tagalog, Nanay means mother. “How many healers have seen her before you brought her to me?” the healer asked Bong after examining Trax with her druid eyes. “Six. You’re the seventh,” he answered. “Healers like me can’t cure her,’ she stated. “There is only one person in the world that could heal her. It’s her mistress, a woman with long her. This woman has powers beyond our understanding. Bring your wife to her and she will be cured.” Later that night, Bong sent me a text message telling me what faith healer number seven said. “Bring Trax to me at once,” I told him. “You must bring her to me in the morning.” By the way, healer number seven’s real name is Lydia Cordero. She is from Balagtas, Bulacan. Trax arrived in my home around eleven the following morning.

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At the time the sun god Ra was out in full force radiating his divine light all over my garden and my home. When I walked into the receiving room, I saw Bong there facing me carrying their baby girl in his arms. Trax had her back turned toward me. As I approached her, she suddenly turned around clockwise to face me. Right then and there, I saw her eyes. I was shocked. Her eyes were blood red. I was also shocked to see her eyes were driven to kill and destroy. Whatever I saw were not the eyes of a mortal being. Her vision was empowered by something wicked and evil. Words are not enough to describe its manifestation. Furthermore, her look came with a cutting blow that assaulted me, like some vile force that punched me hard in the gut, commanding me to stay away. Whatever possessed Trax that morning was not of this world, not at all. Have you ever confronted evil face to face? Do you have any idea what that is like? That’s what it was like facing Trax that morning. I faced evil when I confronted her that day. It never ceases to amaze me that evil no matter how many times I’ve faced it has never failed to stun me. But I wasn’t really afraid of the black energy that possessed Trax. How could I be afraid of evil? I’ve known the devil all my life. Medea lives inside me. “You look wicked,” I said to Trax gazing into her wild eyes. “I’m possessed,” she uttered, her voice sounded disturbed and in pain. “The healer said only you could cure me.” “Stay here. I’ll be right back,” I told her. After that, I left the room and went into the kitchen where I quickly washed my hands with soap and water. Immediately, I walked back to the foyer passing by two hallways. When I turned right to the second walkway leading me to the foyer, I passed by an ancient wooden image of the war god Kuan Kong to my right. He

48 MIRROR OF MIND stands over three feet tall. Near his foot is a round pillow covered with fine silk. On top of it sits a singing bowl, which is engraved with rings and patterns inside it. I purchased it from Kathmandu during our visit there in 2008. Inside the bowl was the old four-inch wooden stick that came with it. I grabbed the bronze artifact on my way to the receiving room. When I stepped in the chamber, I saw Trax standing where I left her. Her husband stood across her, still carrying their little girl in his arms. “I want you to step out into the garden,” I told Bong. “Take your daughter with you. You can’t be here when I do my ritual. Keep out,” I warned him. He did as he was told and stepped out to the main garden where the pool is. He took their daughter with him. As soon as Bong and the baby were out, I faced Trax. “Go stand in front of Kuan Yin. Close your eyes. Keep them shut until the ritual is done,” I told her. As soon as I spoke, she walked over to the altar. She stood close to the goddess. I followed her grasping the singing bowl with my left hand and the wooden stick with my right. I stood directly behind her. At this point Trax stood between Kuan Yin and me. “Surrender your self to Kuan Yin and me,” I told her. Gently, I closed my eyes and summoned the infinite forces of light to guide me and empower me. I don’t know how long I remained there with my eyes closed but when I felt that the celestial forces had gripped me, I opened my eyes. I was in trance. Slowly, I raised the singing bowl directly above her nape and struck it firmly with the wooden stick. When I did, I saw Trax’s head suddenly jolt while the Himalayan gong vibrated producing a series of audible overtones, creating one harmony on top of another, and another. It continued to ring and ring, producing sound so divine and powerful, it sounded like a psalm from heaven.

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The music commanded my entire being. The music commanded the whole room. The walls echoed doubling the overtones that came from the singing bowl. It was deafening. Not long after that, I struck the lip of the bowl again. As I did, it produced the same powerful and divine sound that seemed to go on and on and on. I began to sweat. I noticed Trax sweated too. I continued the ritual over and over. I don’t know how long we were there but eventually the ringing stopped. “It’s done,’ I told her finally. It was then I saw that both Trax and I were covered with sweat. She turned around slowly to face me. Her eyes were restored to their normal glow. They were no longer blood red. She was back. “What happened to me?” she asked calmly. I noticed her natural voice was also restored. “You went crazy when you lost the stone I gave you,” I replied. “That stone carries the energy of light. It protects you. Without it, blackness will overcome you. That’s why you went crazy.” “Listen to me carefully,” I beseeched her. “Kuan Yin healed you. From now on, you can’t come here without giving some offering to the goddess. She likes flowers. Every time you come here, you must bring her flowers. It doesn’t matter how simple or how small, but you must bring her an offering every time you come to this house. You will do it twenty-four times.” So Trax and her family went home that day happy. Later on her husband sent me a message re-confirming she was back in the world of the sane. The following day, healer number seven arrived in her home late in the afternoon. “Why did you come?” Trax asked the shaman. “I know you saw your friend, the woman with long hair. I felt she healed you. I wanted to see for myself,” she uttered.

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There has been a wooden image of Kuan Yin in my office for a number of years. I brought this ancient sculpture from China during one of my trips there. This icon is about twenty inches in height. And there is a young boy and girl standing with her. I have handled and sold many Kuan Yin images but I have never seen one with the image of a young boy and girl accompanying her. This is the only one like that. I knew this statuette wasn’t mine to keep from the time she came into my possession. She didn’t belong to me. I also knew I couldn’t trade her for profit. Moreover, I knew in my heart that I would give her as a gift to a special soul. Don’t wonder why I know these things. You should be well aware by now I communicate with unseen beings in the atmosphere. Countless of centuries-old Buddhist images have been traded from my home in the past. That’s one of the things I did. I used to buy and sell antiquities. I started with excavated Chinese porcelain and terracotta wares from the Tang, Sung, Ming and Ching dynasties. I was so obsessed with Chinese artifacts I collected them many years ago. After I acquired so much, I decided to sell them all one day. I had had enough. I believe I lived in China centuries ago. I have seen that life in my visions repeatedly. It’s one of the lives I shared with Caesar. I saw that in my trance states as well. I believe this drove my obsession with Chinese relics. I studied the history of Chinese art to understand their artifacts better. I can tell you what dynasty a certain vase represents by just looking at its artwork. I would also have a good idea if the particular piece were authentic or not. I could tell you fascinating stories about excavations and shipwrecks of Chinese wares from the Sung and Ming Dynasties, ships that were found under the ocean in the Philippines. After all, China has been trading with us since the Sung

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Dynasties, which began in 960 AD. I could tell you about the black market in Hong Kong and how they trade these ancient art objects to the world. I traded all sorts of old and rare objects from all over the world. Before I leave this subject on trading antiques, I want to share with you this interesting tale. I did not advertise to the world that I was a dealer of rare and ancient wares. Collectors knew me only from word of mouth. One afternoon, a very handsome man came to my home. He was in his mid-forty’s and he had dark and golden brown skin. His black wavy hair that came down to his shoulders framed a face that has seen and survived battles. He was fit, like hand-to-hand combat fit. Was this man a criminal? Oh, this man wasn’t born to follow the rules, which is why I liked him instantly. He looked to me like a character from a movie such as “Ocean’s Eleven”, except the actors in that film are posing as tough guys. This guy was the real thing. He carried with him a black back pack filled with cash in US dollars. Here is my conversation with the man the day he walked into my foyer. “I heard you could find what I’m looking for in twenty-four hours.” “What are you looking for?” “A Samurai sword.” “If one is being traded in the Philippines, yes. I can find out with one phone call.” The man left after our brief discussion. That evening I called him. “There are two Samurai swords for sale. Come to my home tomorrow at 3pm. I will have them here.” The following day, he arrived in my home at the time I specified. We met in my foyer. Two Samurai swords rested on my large, wooden coffee table beaming with pride. He inspected each of them carefully.

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Then he asked me how much I wanted for them. I told him. “This one was issued during the second World War. But the other piece is older. Not only is it older, but the craftsmanship is much better.” “You know you’re selling them for a lot less than what you could get.” “I know that. But if I were to sell these swords for more, it means I would go out and look for buyers. I don’t look for buyers. They find me. You found me. That’s my price.” The man paid for the finer Samurai Sword. The following week, he returned to my home. Here was our discussion that day. “I want Chinese artifacts.” “What dynasty?” “Sung.” “Shipwreck or excavated?” “Shipwreck.” “What kind?” “Porcelain and terracotta pots and vases, big pieces.” “How many pieces?” “Two dozens or more.” “How much time do I have?” “A week.” “I can do that but I don’t want to keep them for more than a day. If I were you, you should get he pieces out of the Philippines within forty eight hours of my delivering them to you.” “Can you help us get them out of the Philippines?” “Yes, but I don’t want to.” “Why?” “Because it will expose me.” Then the man took out his wallet and gave me a check from Citibank. Our dialog continued.

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“Are you crazy? This check is blank.” “I know it’s blank. I’ve signed it. You can write the amount to pay for my goods. You may use it to pay for my purchase.” “You don’t do this in the Philippines! What’s wrong with you? I could own you for this! This is stupid!” “Marlene, I did my homework on you. The check is safe in your hands.” I have several interesting stories about the days I traded antiques. But that’s another story, maybe in another book. Let’s go back to the image of Kuan Yin in my office. For some very strange reason, I couldn’t sell this particular wooden piece. That’s why I brought her into my workplace. She was to remain there until I decided to give her to her future owner. I never gave her any offering because that ritual would have marked my claim as its owner. Therefore, it stayed in my office for over six years. Going back to Trax, after healer number seven left her home, I called her. “Come to my house tomorrow,” I told her. “I am giving you an ancient image of Kuan Yin.” The following evening, Trax came to my home with her husband. It was around seven in the evening. We sat at my dining table in the main hall. I told her the story of the wooden Kuan Yin with the boy and girl images. I also told her I believe the image was always meant for her to keep. “These old Buddhist images choose their owners, not the other way around,” I told Trax. “I am giving this icon to you because she has chosen you. Take care of her and she will protect you. You can never sell her. When you leave this world, your daughter will inherit her.” “Put her in a special place in your living room. Don’t make any

54 MIRROR OF MIND offerings for her until tomorrow morning. Light three pieces of incense. Once you do this, the energy of Kuan Yin in this icon will awaken from its slumber. After that she is yours.” Two days later, I received a text message from Bong. He was in the hospital. He had suffered an anxiety attack. “What happened?” I asked him. “Trax, she went crazy again. But this time she’s acting like a child,” he replied. “Go home,” I told him. “The doctors there can’t cure you. They will give you drugs, drugs that won’t help you. You’re just wasting money. Go home. When you get home, I will give you something to drink that will help you.” After my communication with Bong, I called Trax. She picked up the phone. “Who eeeeees theeees?” she asked, talking like a three-year old child. “It’s Tita,” I replied. “Teeeeeta, you knooooooooow. Booooong is seeeeck. Boooong in thaaaa hospeeetal. Poor Boooooong. Can you heelp him?” she uttered, elongating her vowels as she spoke. The first time she lost her sanity, she was violent. This time, she turned into a child. Don’t you find it strange that Trax’s psyche turned to that of a child when the Kuan Yin I gave her bears the images of children? Is it possible she was possessed by the energy of one of those children? You should know Kuan Yin is also the goddess of chastisement. I know her. Trax came to my home that evening to receive the image of Kuan Yin. But she failed to bring her an offering as I had told her. Bong left the hospital that day. The following evening as I lay in bed around midnight, I received a text message from him.

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“Tita, please help Trax,” he said. “I don’t know what else to do. She’s gone crazy again. Please help us. Please.” After reading Bong’s message, I got up and sat in a lotus position in my bed. I closed my eyes and began meditating allowing the silence of darkness to consume the very essence of my being. Gently, I left this reality. In doing so, I summoned the energy of Kuan Yin to fuse with mine so we entwined as one. I went into a deep trance, separating my soul from my body and turning myself into pure energy. Then I entered the void where pure light reigns, a place where all that is good exists. There I embraced the soul of Trax, giving her love and covering her with endless light. When all was done, I returned to this reality and went into deep sleep. The following morning, I called Trax as soon as I awoke. “Tita,” she said cheerfully. “You won’t believe what happened to me last night.” “You sound well now,” I stated pleased. “Yes. I’m back,” she uttered. “Kuan Yin performed a miracle last night.” “Really?” I asked. “Tell me.” “Last night, I sat in front of Kuan Yin. I was in pain. My head hurt so much. I had no control of my mind. I didn’t know what to do. I just stared at her.” “My mother and brothers were here in the same room with me. They came to see me when they found out I went crazy again. But part of me, part of me knew what was going on. Part of me knew I’d gone nuts. I began to cry to Kuan Yin. I sat there crying and crying. Then something strange happened. All of a sudden, the image of Kuan Yin illuminated with bright light, like neon light. I know I sound crazy but I wasn’t the only one who saw what happened. My mother saw it. My brothers saw it, too.”

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“What happened next?” I asked. “My mother and brothers got so scared, they ran out of the room. They left me all alone. But I wasn’t scared. When I saw the light coming from Kuan Yin, I hugged her. And I cried and cried to her while hugging her. When I stopped crying, I was crazy no more. It was like nothing happened. I came back. So now I’m fine.” “What happened to me?” she asked. “Remember I healed you in my home when you went crazy? After that I told you not to come to my house without giving Kuan Yin an offering? You came to my house that evening when you picked up the image of Kuan Yin. But you forgot to bring her flowers. When nature gives, nature takes. When you are given something, you must give something in return. You were chastised by the same cosmic forces that cured you.” “I did a ritual last night to heal you,” I answered. I told her how I went into trance the night before, giving her the energy of light. I also told her to keep a bowl of rock salt by Kuan Yin’s altar. I did replace Trax’s lost moonstone with a new one. She keeps it close to her at all times. However, after a couple of months, she lost her mind again. “Tita, please talk to Trax. She’s going in and out of sanity again,” Bong wrote via text. So I called Trax at once. She was rattled on the phone. Here was our talk that day. “Where is your moonstone?” “I don’t know.” “What do you mean you don’t know?” “I keep it on the altar with Kuan Yin when I’m home. It’s not there anymore.” “Then someone must have taken it.”

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“No. Bong told every person in our house not to touch it. He said something bad would happen to them if they did.” “Are there children in the house other than your daughter?” “Yes. Bong’s seven year old son lives with us.” “Maybe the boy played with it.” “No. He knows. Bong told him not to touch the stone. Plus we spoke to him already. Should I come to you for healing?” “No. You don’t have to come. Here’s what you do. Get the rock salt from Kuan Yin’s altar. Put the salt in hot water. Then use that hot water to take a bath. The rest of the ritual I will do in my home. This will heal you.” An hour later, I called Trax. Bong picked up the phone. “Where is Trax?” I asked. “She went to church. She felt better after she took the bath with the salt,” he said. Later that day I spoke to Trax. She told me she went to church to thank god because she was healed. When she came home, she said she found the moonstone on Kuan Yin’s altar where she saw it last. She’s been fine since. On July 18, 2013 Maya and I did a ceremony together in front of Kuan Yin. The procedure involved three pieces of talisman that we had forged in Sri Lanka while we were there. These charms were for Maya, Steve and me. The ceremonials around these three amulets involved a male druid who performed rites in the Buddhist temple for two consecutive days. However, before we took possession of the pendants, Maya and I did a ritual involving my unseen guardians at home. The result of the ceremonies couldn’t have been better. Maybe I will discuss it in the next chapter. After the ritual, my nephew Maeng came to our house at around eleven in the morning. We sat at the dining table in the main hall

58 MIRROR OF MIND talking. Suddenly, I felt dread in my heart. Over the years, I have known to distinguish fear from omen. This was an omen telling me that someone I cared about was in danger. Meanwhile, I sent Trax a text message asking her a question. She did not respond. I did not hear from her until three in the afternoon. She sent me a text message saying, “Tita, I fell down the stairs, which is why I wasn’t able to respond to your text right away.” After reading her message, I called her. Here is our discussion. “Did you fall down the stairs at around eleven thirty in the morning?” “Yes, I did. My right foot is swollen. And I’m in a lot of pain.” “Can you move it?” “No.” “Then your bone is broken. Go to Orthopedic Hospital. Have them X-ray your foot. After that they will cover it with plaster. It will take three months to heal your broken bone.” “I have to wait for Bong to come home so he could take me.” “Then have him bring you to the hospital as soon as he gets back. In the meantime, do not move your foot.” I was right. Trax fractured her bone. Her husband took her to the hospital as I suggested. She came home with a cast covering her foot. The following day, I spoke to Trax on the phone. “Did the doctor say it would take three months for your foot to heal?” “He said, ‘three and a half months.’” “He’s probably just being safe so he added two weeks.” “I’ve been wanting to tell you this. Something weird happened while you were away in Sri Lanka.” “What happened?”

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“You know I have a small canteen not far from my house where we sell homemade food.” “Yes.” “One day an old beggar came. She was an old woman carrying a staff that curled. It looked like it’s the root of a tree. She was hunched back. When I saw her I was scared.” “I heard her talking to my girl. She said she was hungry. So I told her to feed the woman and give her whatever we had. She gave her a bowl of congee.” “When I stepped out the woman began to stare at Jason’s face tattooed on my leg. She just stared and stared at it. It was spooky. I have so many tattoos all over my body. And Jsin’s tattoo is not as visible as my other tattoos but she just kept staring at it. Suddenly, she pointed at Jsin’s face. She said, ‘the mother of this boy is very important to your life. You cannot lose your connection with this boy’s mother. Otherwise, you will go crazy or you will die.’” “What did you say?” “Nothing. I couldn’t speak. I was scared.” “The woman has the gift. You should have spoken to her and asked her questions.” “I couldn’t. I was shaking when she talked. How did she know those things? I have so many tattoos but she only stared at Jason’s face. It’s true. I’ve gone crazy three times and you healed me each time. But how did she know? Who was she?” “I don’t know. Were there others present who heard her speak to you?” “Yes, two of my male buddies were here. These guys know that you know witchcraft. They know you’ve healed me. They know you’ve killed people through voodoo. They heard the beggar speak to me about you. They say it’s you who sent the beggar to speak to me.”

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“I was scared when you were in Sri Lanka. I was scared you wouldn’t come back. So I thought maybe you did send the old woman to talk to me.” “Have you seen her again?” “No. I tried to find her. I asked around the neighborhood. I described the old woman to them. There are a few beggars that frequent these areas. But people told me they never seen that beggar in these parts before.” “I want to find her again. I want to talk to her. I just want to know who she is.” “The woman is a healer and an oracle. Are you sure what you saw was human? Maybe she’s a saint who came to you in human form to talk to you.” “Do you really want to know who the beggar is?” “Yes.” “Then send someone to bring Nanay seven to you. Before she comes, offer ginger to Kuan Yin. Then use this to make ginger tea for her. Make sure she drinks it.” “When she comes, tell her how I healed you. Don’t give her my true name. Don’t give her other information. Just tell her how I healed you during the times you lost your sanity. Then tell her the story of the beggar who came to your canteen.” “Nanay seven is a strong oracle. She will tell you things you need to know.” Trax followed my bidding. Two days later, healer number seven arrived in her home early afternoon. They spoke to each other in her living room where the image of the Kuan Yin I gave Trax is prominently displayed. Trax gave the healer the ginger tea I asked her to prepare. She also told the shaman the stories I asked her to tell her. When she

61 MARLENE AGUILAR was finished, Nanay seven spoke. “Before I talk to you and tell you what I see, I have to speak to the goddess here standing on your altar,” she uttered. “Whatever I say to you from here on must come with her blessing.” “That’s Kuan Yin. My mistress gave her to me,” Trax stated. The healer got up from her chair and confronted the goddess. She stood before Kuan Yin with eyes closed. She remained there praying quietly for around one hour. When she was done, she opened her eyes and sat on the couch across Trax. Then she spoke these words: “The goddess and your mistress are one and the same. She possesses eternal life. She will never die. She is divided into two forces, black and white, good and evil.” “Your mistress doesn’t age like other mortals. She is ageless. She’s not human like us. She’s a goddess living amongst men. She has a daughter. The child’s bears the divine gifts of her mother.” “Your mistress has many enemies. Angry men have tried to kill her and harm her. But all her enemies will die. Men will bend their knees before her. All her enemies will surrender to her. In all the battles she has fought, in all the battles she will fight, there is only one victor, only her.” “The stone she gave you looks like an ordinary stone. But it isn’t. It carries light, light for your home, light for your mind, light for your heart, light for your life. Lose the stone and you will die.” “The old beggar who came to you is a manifestation of your mistress’s ability to project herself beyond. The beggar and your mistress are one.” “She doesn’t believe in doctors. Am I correct?” the woman asked taking a sip of her tea. “Yes. She has no faith in doctors,” Trax replied.

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“Your mistress told you to prepare this tea for me. It has ginger, ginger you offered to the goddess before you made this drink. And it wasn’t you that wanted me to come. Your mistress summoned me to come. She brought me here,” Nanay seven declared. “She has saved you over and over from disasters. You live only because she holds your life. When you were very young, unknown to you, she had already saved your life. Therefore, you will live to serve her.” “Despite all the miracles you’ve seen your mistress do, you question her. You doubt her. Why? Look at your broken foot. Did the doctor say your broken bone would take three months to heal?” “Three and a half months,” Trax said. “That’s not true. Your mistress has the power to heal that bone. When are you going back to see your doctor?” the shaman asked. “In one week. On Thursday, next week,” she answered. “If she performs one of her rituals, when you go back to Orthopedic Hospital on Thursday, you will discover a miracle. They will X-ray your foot. Then the doctor will see that your bone has been healed. And he will say the plaster covering your bone can be removed because you don’t need it anymore. I have no doubt your mistress can cure that break in less than a week if she wills it. So do not doubt her, not ever,” the healer told Trax. “Tell her to perform her ritual of healing tomorrow at eleven o’clock to heal your broken bone. And I assure you your foot will be healed. The only thing that would stop this magic is your doubt. So do not doubt her, not ever.” This event happened on Friday, July 19, 2013. The following morning, I spoke to Trax on the phone while I sat by the pool in my garden. She told me everything the shaman said. Here is my dialog with Trax that day.

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“Nanay seven spoke the same words as the oracles who have guided me for over twenty years.” “Are you going to perform the ritual at eleven this morning? Nanay seven says she’ll be back here in my house at three o’clock after you’ve done your ritual.” “I don’t know. I really don’t want you leaving the house. I want you to stay put for a while.” “So you’re not going to cure my bone?” “I don’t know. If you ask me, I don’t want you walking because you might get into trouble again. It’s up to the gods. Nanay seven is testing me. She wants me to perform the ritual at eleven because she will go into trance at the same time as well. She will go into the void to find my soul so she could see me. She wants to see me in the void that’s why she gave a specific time for the ritual to commence because she plans to follow me in the void. And she’s in for a surprise.” “I will do the ritual at eleven. Let’s see where it goes.” That was around ten in the morning. At eleven, I found myself facing the image of Kuan Yin in my receiving room. For the first time I sat in a lotus position on the wooden floor looking up at her. This was also the first time I saw her image from that position. I was surprised to see some energy exuding from her I have never witnessed before. I sat there in silence and stared at her for some time. Then I closed my eyes and held my palms wide open. In my mind I spoke to the goddess. “I’m not sure what this is all about. If the gods want me to heal Trax, then here I am. Do with me as you please,” I said in silence. Suddenly, the energy of the room switched to something inexplicable. I felt my upper body gently move backward. My head went back so it was no longer perpendicular to the ground but

64 MIRROR OF MIND rested on a forty-five degree angle in relation to the floor. I began to breath strangely and deeply. I felt mother earth herself was trying to take possession of me. I heard a strange sound coming from my throat I have never heard before. The peculiar sound came with every breath I took. I felt my lungs were stretched so long that it reached the very core of the earth. In my vision, I saw my soul float connecting with the soul of the earth, my true mother. I began to take long gasps, aware that the life of Gaea herself began to merge with mine. Then Gaea and I began to breath as one. Tears of joy fell from my eyes. The moment felt so divine. I continued to breathe in this manner until I felt the sun join us, then the moon and the stars and beyond. Tears continued to fall from my eyes. I was overwhelmed by the magic I found myself in. There I was consciously connected and breathing with all that is. In that very instant of time, I found myself in a world where light begins. This is the place where all light in the galaxies come from.. I felt bliss. I felt ecstatic. I felt god. I thought of Trax. I thought of her broken foot. So I inhaled light and I projected its energy of life toward her covering her damaged bone with its force. Then I sought for the soul of Nanay seven. In the void, I found her and embraced her with light as well. I called my asset later that day. Here is our conversation. “Did Nanay seven see you this afternoon?” “No.” “Why?” “I spoke to her on the phone. She said whatever you did affected her. She’s dizzy. She has no energy to leave the house.” “That’s because she tried to perform the ritual with me at the same time. She did find me in the void. But she’s not back in this reality. It will take time for her to return.”

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“She said she can’t handle your energy. She said it’s too strong. Did you heal me?” “Yes.” I told Trax the details of my most recent ritual. “I gave you light coming from the earth, the sun, the moon, the stars and beyond. If this doesn’t heal you, it means you doubted me. Otherwise, your bone is fine,” I told her. I performed the ritual to heal Trax on Friday, July 19, 2013. On Thursday, July 25, 2013 she returned to see Dr. C. Santos, her physician at Orthopedic Hospital in Manila. Here’s my conversation with Trax on the phone after she left the hospital. “Were you X-rayed?” “Yes.” “And what did the doctor say?” “’It’s not possible. I don’t know what happened,’ he said. He talks like a homosexual. I swear he’s gay.” “His female assistant was there when he inspected the X-ray result. She said, ‘But doc cracked bones don’t heal in one week. Even strained bones take two weeks to heal.’” “I know that. I’ve never heard of or seen anything like this before. I really can’t explain it,” Doctor. Santos said.” “What else did he say?’ “He said I should come back on Tuesday so he could remove my cast.” Everything happens for a reason. The only way most people would believe my gift of healing is for them to see proof they can see with their naked eye. So I told Trax to make sure she gets the X-rays from the hospital. In another conversation I had with Trax, she said, “Some people

66 MIRROR OF MIND in my neighborhood know now that you can heal the sick and the good news is spreading.” “What happens if you become a famous healer and people start coming to your house? What would you do? They’ll never leave you alone,” she said giggling. “I’ve been healing those I love for many years. I have also healed members of my staff and some other people who found out that I could heal the sick. I never wanted people to know I’m a healer. It’s not really a good idea for people to come to me for healing. Remember I am both good and evil. Remember I am clairvoyant. I see through men.” “What if people who are driven by greed and blackness come to me for healing? I would know that when I see them. I won’t heal them. I’d kill them instead,” I told Trax laughing. Unfortunately, I do not believe most of mankind deserves the kindness of the earth. Do you? Just imagine over seven billion people killing the planet everyday. I believe that I was born with the ability to perform rituals of black magic and white magic for a very crucial reason. And I will not hesitate to use either force when I deem it necessary. It took days for Nanay seven to recover from the day I performed the healing ritual for Trax. On Thursday, July 25, 2013 after her visit to Orthopedic Hospital, Trax found Nanay seven in her home waiting for her. This time she brought her deck of tarot. She read my cards in the presence of Trax and her friends, Jerome, Rap Rap and also her husband. In gist, here is what the oracle told Trax regarding my future. “Your mistress will become leader of the Philippines. And it is highly possible that she would become dictator of the Philippines. And through her a beautiful and golden world will begin. And her

67 MARLENE AGUILAR son will seat in a position of power as well.” While Nanay seven read the tarot in Trax’s home concerning my future, Paulie arrived in my home to read my cards as well. Here below is a portion of his reading: “The first week of September will be crucial for you. Gabriel helps to settle scores. Something very big will happen in September. Proper checks and balances are on their way. All debts will be paid. They will come. The deal will be struck right in your own home.” “You speak of the brotherhood representing the US military but there is an allegiance of men more powerful than them. These faceless men will intervene and take over.” “A great movement is brewing. Something big is coming. Conserve your energy and strength. You will need them in the days to come.” “No one can harm you. Death comes to your enemies because you are Nemesis, the goddess of death herself. Without you in their camp, the US will fall against China.” ““The tarot shows Gabriel as the magician, Caesar as the sun and you are the empress. You are the Holy Grail. When you lead, you will lead with an iron hand and a compassionate heart. You will lead with justice and fairness.” “You will subjugate great forces on earth. There will be a proclamation. You will become as radiant as the brightest star, the source of all life and creation. You are Mother of all.” I sent Paulie’s reading to Caesar. “I look forward to September and the things to come. It should be interesting,” he responded. Nanay seven has never met me in the flesh. Yet, her prophecies are similar to the predictions of the older oracles and Paulie’s as well. So why did I really ask Trax to call mother seven? I don’t do things for superficial reasons. When it comes to my actions, almost nothing is an accident. The US monitors all I do. They monitor

68 MIRROR OF MIND my landlines, my mobile phones and also my interactions on the Internet. They hear and see everything I do. Trax’s doubts regarding my celestial gifts is something she shares with the brotherhood in Washington DC. They continue to doubt the words of the old oracles and Paulie’s. I’m sure you share their reservations as well. You doubt me, too. I called upon Nanay seven because I wanted the US NSA to hear the words of an oracle and shaman I have never met in person. I wanted the US NSA to hear healer number seven confirm the words of the two groups of Buddhist oracles who believe among many other things that I am the goddess of life and death. This way the NSA could advise their masters representing the brotherhood of brainless grunts in Washington DC. Before I proceed, I would like to state I never claimed to be Nemesis, or Kuan Yin or the Holy Grail or the true daughter of heaven or whatever it is the seers call me. These are the words of those who were born with the gift of sight. But do I believe them? Yes, I do. Like I said before, the words of the oracles confirm things I have already seen in my vision. You are probably wondering how I can do the rituals I mentioned. I want to remind you that all that I know from the smallest forms of life in this world to the biggest, including my knowledge about the earth, the moon, the sun, the stars and all that is beyond, I learned while in a state of trance. I know about the healing and destructive powers of the sun because my father Ra told me. I know about the pain of the earth. I know about her affair with the sun. I know about her immense power to destroy man because she told me. I know about the wicked moon because she told me. I know about the mighty powers of Jupiter because he told me. In trance, I witnessed the evolution of the billions of stars in the galaxies. I know that once they were human here on earth because they told me. I have

69 MARLENE AGUILAR always been able to speak to the unknown since my life began. I know you don’t understand all this. How could you? Close your eyes. Close your eyes for a moment. Inside you there is a silent world that connects to everything here and beyond. That silent world speaks a silent language. Listen to it. This silent voice will tell you, I speak the truth. Eight years ago, I went to see the lady oracle. During this time, unseen forces educated me about the eternal force of light. “Tell me about the process of faith healing,” the female seer asked while we sat across each other at a small rectangular wooden table. “The powers of yin and yang, the powers of life and death are infinite. It is around us. It is within us. It is everywhere. I have seen the world of yin like I have seen the world of yang. I have seen the force that gives life to all that is like I have seen the force that gives death to all that is. I have not only seen these two forces, I have floated at the very center of blackness as I have floated at the very center of lightness. Each force taught me their true and infinite powers.” “As far as faith healing is concerned, there are those special souls born on earth that can command the power of light. They can access its energy and transfer it to the sick. That’s how they cure people. But without faith it cannot be done. Faith opens all doors to all sorts of possibilities when it comes to healing.” “As time passes your gifts will grow,” she answered. “Someday, you will be able to heal the sick without touching them. All you have to do is close your eyes and will it with your mind.” The mind has powers beyond your imagination. The mind can heal and it can also destroy. How do you think I killed my enemies? I killed them with my mind.

70 Chapter 2

The Academe

An interesting character walked into my life during the last week of January 2013. We will call him Dick. Before I tell you about him, I have to repeat some insight regarding my past. My father was a very passionate man who was embraced with the intensity of both yin and yang. One side of him was very loving and giving. The other side of him was a monster that beat me terribly when I was a child. He was the town’s chief of police. He had a chamber near our home where he took prisoners for interrogation. He also tortured them there. Just imagine the kind of world that welcomed me as a child. From the time I could speak my father grilled me just as he probed his criminals. I believe my father consciously toyed with my head when I was a little girl to measure my resilience and courage. Maybe this was his way of checking how I would deal with the unknown. He not only abused me physically but also battered me mentally and spiritually. The torture I endured from my father’s hands forced my personalities to strengthen until they split. In addition, the best of my various personas, which are Marlene and M, learned to detach

71 MARLENE AGUILAR from this reality at a tender age. How else could I have survived the wrath of my father if I didn’t detach? My split personalities became separate entities inside me. My mind, which I call Marlene command each of my personas. When I say the word I, that means I, Marlene. Through Marlene, my varied persons can fuse in any combination she pleases. Today no man can mess with my head. That’s not possible. Thanks to my father. I have witnessed espionage from the time I was sixteen. All my life I have been involved in very difficult situations. I survived them all. However, the last six years have been the most challenging. This began on July 23, 2007, the day Caesar walked into Bulan with nine elite members of the US military. I have been fighting with the Philippine government and the US government ever since. Going back to Dick, I remember the day I first saw his comment on my Facebook wall. I marked him immediately. He had no face on his profile, which in the world of Facebook normally means the person is a poser using a fake account. The following day, Dick posted a comment on my wall again. After reading it, I could sense his deep desire for freedom, freedom of mind and spirit that is. So, I visited his wall and glanced at it briefly. It seemed that his account was real. His Facebook friends were real. Perhaps he didn’t want his photograph shown on the Internet. Or maybe he just does not like how he looks. I have many supporters on Facebook. They represent twenty- three countries. In the last three years, I have been in touch with tens of thousands of people on the Internet. This has given me the chance to glimpse into the psyche of so many souls communicating along the information super highway. I used to think that most people were dumb. Today, thanks to the World Wide Web, I know that people are dumber than I thought.

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Out of the tens of thousands of people I’ve communicated with on the Internet and with the exception of my immediate family members, I would say that the mind of Michael Stewart shines above all the others. I am not interested in small talk. At this point in my life, I feel that engaging mentally with most people is a waste of my time, unless they have an exceptional mind. I do, however, reply to all messages sent to me via the Internet, as long as they are pertinent. Most of the posts I receive come from the young nation seeking advice. I answer all their mails, and I give them my honest opinion. But that’s all I do. I reply to their concerns. There is really no mental sparring between my supporters and me in cyberspace, not like I have with Michael. Our mental interaction stimulates my mind, allowing growth. In the last two years, we have shared nearly four thousand messages between us on Facebook. No one else has really interested me in this manner. After all, the Irishman has read over five hundred decent books. He is my walking Wikipedia. And when I have questions, I turn to him. I was fascinated with Dick’s mind the first time I read his comment on my wall. I thought here is a man with intellect better than most. That made him irresistible to me. But who is Dick? My father taught me to doubt the world. So, I questioned Dick’s presence on my Facebook page as soon as I read his posts on my wall. Of all the thousands of comments pouring into my account, why did I mark him? Because, my instinct told me, he wasn’t kosher. I asked myself a series of questions. Who is this foreign man? Does he work for the US government? Did someone send him to check on me? If so, who sent him? Did the brotherhood of pussies in Washington DC send him? Or did one arrogant man from that clan of power brokers send him? Who?

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Why? Or is it just fate that sent Dick to me? One thing is for sure. This man caught my attention because his intellect fascinated me. I told you. Without the mind, all else is futile. Superior minds charm me. So I sent him a private message on February 5, 2013. By the way, my personal Facebook account is open to the public. I asked Dick if he had read my books Warriors of Heaven and Tales of the Black Widow. He did not reply. I found that very strange since no one ignores my private messages on Facebook. Everyone replies to me. Still, Dick continued posting on my wall, promoting his thoughts on gender issues for everyone to see. He claims to be a champion for weak women. I have a problem with that since in my own personal experience, the female is the stronger gender. I also wondered if he was posing as a fighter for women’s rights just to get my attention. In order for me to find out more about Dick, I had to draw him closer. How else could I smell the man? How else could I taste his psyche unless I brought him near to me? Marcus named me Black Widow for a good reason. That woman would say anything to get what she wants. Moreover, she would do almost anything to get what she desires, but never for material gain. And she never loses a battle. The unknown will forever enchant me. Dick on my FB was the unknown. For me, the chance to dance with the abyss adds color to this journey of life. As you read the dialogue between Dick and I below, ask yourself this question. Am I being truthful or not? On February 20, 2013, I sent Dick another message. That was when my mental dance with him began. This is a portion of our mental rendezvous. His statements are in Italics. “This narrative is included in The Key, book five of my autobiographies. I hope this excerpt from my book gives you an

74 MIRROR OF MIND alternative view of S and M. Please read below:” “Of all my friends in college, I miss Craig the most. I miss his rare mind. I miss talking to him. I miss my mental engagement with him. I miss the fact that he would walk the unknown with me.” “Craig is a man whose soul I will never forget. Some souls just stay with you deeper than others. That is Craig for me. There is within Craig a creature of darkness like my Medea, which made him so compelling to me. Such essence can only be forged out of a violent childhood empowered by a scheming and vicious disposition. Armed with a complex mind and free spirit, this creature’s hunger for lust is insatiable. However, most of you will never understand the sexual desires of such a fiend. This beast within Craig, like my Medea, is not at all interested in physical sex. Oh no, no. That’s elementary. Their thirsts and sensuous yearnings’ hunger for more than just the body. First and foremost, they crave for the mind and the soul. And they desire only their mental and spiritual equal. No less. Otherwise, Craig would chew up his lovers and spit them out, like Medea did to hers. Such demons are so sensually intoxicating; they will corrupt your soul. They move with comfort in an erotic world alien to you. And there they play wild games of the unknown. In this domain of sexual pleasure, they know no boundaries, and here they defy all the rules of man. “Have you ever had a sadomasochistic relationship with anyone?” Craig asked me one afternoon while we sat across from each other at the canteen waiting for Jay to arrive. “Yes, but I wouldn’t imagine trying that with anyone, unless I was deeply connected to the person in spirit,” I stated. “What do you mean?” he asked.

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It was that day I explained to Craig what I thought of sadomasochism. He listened to every word I uttered while he stared into my eyes. He told me he had experiences like that with men, but one person ends up getting hurt in the process. He also told me he had heard similar stories from his peers. S and M are born out of darkness. And only those who have conquered darkness could embrace it in the manner I am about to describe. In all the years I have been in this matrix, I have only encountered one man who could begin to fathom this part of my being. Here is the dictionary’s definition of sadomasochism: 1. Interaction, especially sexual activity, in which one person enjoys inflicting physical or mental suffering on another person, who derives pleasure from experiencing pain. 2. Gratification, especially sexual, gained through inflicting or receiving pain; sadism and masochism combined. Abbreviation: S-M, S and M. I also found this narrative on the subject from the Internet written by a woman named Susan Sontag. She stated: “Sadomasochism has always been the furthest reach of the sexual experience: when sex becomes most purely sexual, that is, severed from personhood, from relationships, from love. It should not be surprising that it has become attached to Nazi symbolism in recent years. Never before was the relation of masters and slaves so consciously aestheticized. Sade had to make up his theater of punishment and delight from scratch, improvising the decor and costumes and blasphemous rites. Now there is a master scenario available to everyone. The color is black, the material is leather, the seduction is beauty, the justification is honesty, the aim is ecstasy, the fantasy is death.”

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I wonder if Susan Sontag has ever had sadomasochistic relationship with anyone. Otherwise, if the answer is no, then she has no business writing about the subject. How do you know the taste of food if you haven’t eaten it? How do you know sex if you’re still a virgin? Why would you think you know anything about sadomasochism if your only reference is the dictionary, academic writing, and cheap porno flicks and magazines? Maybe she is referring to a totally different kind of S and M. I will define the kind of sadomasochism I know from my own personal experience. Have you ever seen wild leopards mate in the open range? They roar at each other, attacking each other. They snarl at each other with eyes blaring to impale. They gaze at each other armed with their deadly paws like they’re pursuing a prey. The male beast mounts the female into submission. Instantly, he buries his sharp teeth into her neck, growling and at the same time forcing her into obedience. Quickly, she rolls over snarling at him with fangs protruding while she kicks him back with all her might. They repeat this violent act over and over until they have had their fill. And when the female finally submits, the brute mounts her from behind, digging his fangs under her skin biting her neck hard enough so she could understand who is master at that very moment. Then he thrusts his vicious male instrument inside her and uses her for his pleasure. Are these creatures of the wild really hurting each other? I don’t believe so, not a bit. This display of aggression is part of their erotic foreplay. These animals attack each other bringing their sheer rage to the open. Because only when they reach a certain level of intense fury could they even begin to copulate. That instant, that very moment, fueled by blazing heat is thereby chosen as the perfect time to begin sexual intercourse.

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You see Mother Nature has sanctioned copulation in the wild with such a display of sheer violence. After all, sex is driven by aggression. Sex is powered by blackness. The stronger the aggression, the stronger the sex drive. Moreover, I believe there is aggression in the DNA of human beings, some stronger than others. Mine is definitely intense since I come from a tribe of headhunters in the northern Philippines. Both my mother and father were homicidal, so am I. The fury these animals express with freedom, that same aggression is deeply seated at the center of your sexual being. Unfortunately, the strictures of religion and society cull that life force out of most of you. For me, sadomasochism in sex involving human beings is not a physical act. I don’t know how else to explain this. I’ve heard that some people get hurt during such a performance. I’ve heard some people take drugs to alter their behavior and get rid of their inhibitions. In this way, they can embrace acts of violence involving sex. That’s not how I see sadomasochism, far from it. For me, S and M in its genuine form is the utmost erogenous statement of two souls bonded as one. When they confront their sexual desires, they shed their human forms and turn themselves into savages of the wild. Their lustfulness opens the gates of another world, parallel to yours, and they cross over to a place unknown to you. Only tortured souls are allowed in this matrix. Like the animals in the wild, their spirits fuse as one. They breathe as one. They move as one, experiencing every delicate and voluptuous moment at the same time. One plays the role of the sadist and the other plays the role of the masochist. Even so, they can switch places from being master to slave and back with amazing ease, constantly moving as one and the same entity. Each knows

78 MIRROR OF MIND exactly where the other person’s threshold of pain is. And they don’t cross it. They remain locked together in this realm where the fire and fury of hell in all its glory, reign. Here they fornicate like beasts, locked in each other amidst a blazing fire in the arms of Hades. In this domain of carnal cravings, Lucifer, the true mother of my Medea and the unrivaled Queen of all sex fiends is in command. Here, these two souls fly in pursuit of their sinful desires. And they go and on and on bashing each other without shame, howling with pleasure, while Lucifer watches with great delight. At the peak of their wicked deeds, they fly toward the seventh heaven, exploding like stars in the galaxies, falling further and further into the void. And together, they die at a place called euphoria. They die when the performance ends. When this happens, the parallel world they entered closes its doors. Henceforth, they fall together into an ocean of lightness where time does not exist. They return to earth reborn. They lie in bed together, gasping, still. Their arms are wrapped around each other, caressing one another every so softly, still dreaming of cloud nine. During such an engagement, desire is raised above a level unreachable to mortal men. It is the kind of erotic enjoyment that is only possible when combined with pain. And only those who practice this form of S and M could ever taste and command such extreme gratification. You see, I have suffered every shade of pain. Therefore, I own it. Do you understand what I’m saying? I know that pain is a vessel. And I use it to further enrich my existence in this one probable reality. During such sexual encounter, pain is used as a tool. Agony is inflicted from master to slave at the very precise moment and time. But is it really pain when it gives ecstasy, ecstasy unknown to most of you? Not for me.

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Susan Sontag declared that sadomasochism is, “the furthest reach of the sexual experience: when sex becomes most purely sexual, that is, severed from personhood, from relationships, from love.” The above statement couldn’t be further from my truth. The sadomasochism I know is only possible through genuine love and sheer trust. Hence, for me, it is the most paramount of all erotic expressions.” Why did I send Dick this essay of mine? Because his reaction toward my view of sadomasochism would allow me to gauge the flexibility of his mind. What else would I do? If he had a picture of his face on the Internet, then I could see through it and have an idea what he is like. But he doesn’t have a photo, so I am left to play with his mind. He wrote me back and stated: “Each person knows exactly where the others’ threshold is, caressing ever so softly. Submissions to get there like the animals’ do. Pain is used as a tool. Desire is raised to a level unreachable to mortal men. Now I am agreeing there is no reason to read Sontag on this issue. Problem with authors when they get famous, is they become spokesman on almost anything, whether that is their forte or not.” “What I love about your writing is that you tell the reader your heritage, your Goddess like perspective. Your description above, either readers have experienced or not, with no pain there is no transition in sex. This means there is no real soulful bonding. I actually call this aerobic sex and explain this as pre adolescent. Think of pain as a resistance to change? Ida. Rolf. Many who only know the aerobics of sex, only and always pull away the moment there is a tincture of pain. They never truly know each others threshold because trust and intimacy is never established with oneself or the lover.”

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“This deep man Craig, as an adult, you may reach such heights with. I feign to say that in the old days, when women were treated as slaves for almost everything, all men and women may have shared this more animal description of intimacy. However, when men are male and female integrated, verbally, mentally and aesthetically; there are levels of intimacy that are just as ecstatic, and just as different as what you describe. I call it the 3 %/ worldwide. This is not easy to find and long time to cultivate, unless the two soul body minds have been following a similar path, without knowing each other. This is what I seek.” “All men and women may share this more animal description of intimacy,” because women in the old days were literally treated as slaves? Did you even read what I wrote? BTW, Craig was a gay friend of mine. I don’t think sex between him and I is possible in this realm.” “You wrote - “This is not easy to find and long time to cultivate, unless the two soul body minds have been following a similar path, without knowing each other.” The chemistry that is shared between two people is designed by cosmic energy. Some are compatible, some aren’t. Many relationships are destructive, others constructive. Some people will bring out the worst in you; some will bring out the best in you. So consider yourself fortunate if you ever find any woman who would bring out the best and the worst in you. That means you have found heaven and hell in one person. That’s the way the forces of the universe are. They affect us. For me, it is either there or not there. Only soul mates could confront the abyss together without fear.” “I have met those who I would like to go as far as the cheetahs above do, but none of them had the self concept not to fear the immersion. In the future, I should give them your book first. Traditionally,

81 MARLENE AGUILAR however Freud defines S and M activities as obsessive-compulsive activities of direct orgasm from pain, pain such as lashings with a belt or being scolded with emotionally abusive statements because these activities arouse anger. And anger is the only motive of arousal accessible to this person. I personally don’t believe this is the only way. It depends on personal history and heritage and how far ailing the self-concept, forgiveness of the ignorance of the parents and institutions etc. So I believe personal history and self-concepts aligned are a different intimacy. Animals are never to be used as an analogy to humans. That was a Darwinian way to keep all less conformist citizens, lesser than. I feel no one is lesser than or greater than. If one needs what I think you are describing to get to that soulful level, fine.” “Regarding the bullshit you mentioned here involving man-made theories in this matrix, this is like religion. They are for people who can’t think for themselves. I’ve outgrown these man-made theories a long time ago. What I know of the universe, what I know of my soul, what I know of this life and beyond, I learned by confronting the void within me. All man-made rules mean shit to me.” “I have a hard time with inflicting this on women who are not highly aware of their depths body and soul as you are. In America, it is called rape, if you are in her apartment. If you are in the man’s apartment, it is called “ the way sex is supposed to be”. The cops she called while hiding in the bathroom will file it as domestic violence. This is America’s litigious replacement of religion.” “Ha ha! Women in the west are lost. BTW, don’t hesitate to speak with me openly. Believe me, nothing intimidates me, and I welcome honesty.” “Here, please read this. I think you’d find it interesting. I just wrote it. It’s part of a chapter for my next non-fiction novel The Key.

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I think you’d appreciate it. Here you go- “February 10, 2013 and I think it is time I discuss with you my several and very distinct personalities in some detail. When I began to write Warriors of Heaven, I knew these different personas were present inside me but I didn’t know them as well as I do today. Writing about my life has helped me understand myself better.” “This morning I made a breakfast of scrambled eggs topped with bits of fried onions, tomatoes, green bell pepper and dark- brown shitake mushrooms. I served this with bagels with sesame seeds and cream cheese. We used the blue and white plates from Hanoi, hand-painted with the images of a dragon and phoenix. Our household staff Kristine used the cobalt blue serviettes I’d had sewn by a dressmaker to match the plates. The china and napkins were set on placemats made of pressed bamboo from Palawan. Three white candles flickered on the table. I use candles now every time we eat in the garden. The aroma of sweet incense from Bali, Indonesia smoking from ancient bronze burners located in several areas of the garden delighted my senses. This was the setting for our al fresco breakfast at nine this morning.” “I gazed at the pool made of stone surrounded by luxurious tropical plants, its water gently moving around the edges. Visitors think it’s a natural pond, but I built it using river stones. The sight brings warmth to my heart. I noticed the group of tall bamboos to the left, now towering above the high stonewalls that enclose the property; their golden trunks look like a painter enhanced them. Then I glanced at the carved stone image of Vishnu next to the bamboo, his hands clasped together in front of his chest sitting in eternal silence. Thick ferns besiege him shooting from the ground while a pair of red bromeliad is perched on a stone staring at the god now ravaged by a green ground cover. Across from Vishnu, at

83 MARLENE AGUILAR the other side of the pool, is the beige limestone image of an angel set on a thirty inch carved pedestal, her swollen and naked breasts beam against the sun’s generous light. I noticed with delight the soft morning light brush against the misty blades of grass and everything in its path. Birds flew from tree to tree chirping while the yellow caged canary sang its most joyous song. Steve sat at the head of the table. I sat to his left facing the garden with my back against the wall, while Maya sat across from me. After breakfast, Maya got up to go inside the house to play a computer game called Minecraft. Steve and I stayed at the table drinking our coffee Americano freshly brewed from Starbucks down the street. The leftover scrambled eggs with vegetable toppings remained on the large serving plate staring at us. I wanted to talk to Steve about my diverse personas. “I want to discuss with you my split personalities,” I told Steve. “Okay,” he uttered amused. I took three small pieces of dark shitake mushrooms from the plate. Then I put one of them on my placemat. “This is Medea. She is all blackness, endless blackness. Her evil knows no end. Her rage, her hate and her anger know no limits. She can access the infinite energy of evil, and she uses that to cast a spell of death to kill my enemies using her black voodoo.” “She has absolutely no guilt, no remorse and no compassion. She is the part in me that the oracles call Nemesis,” I said. Then I placed another piece of mushroom below the first one, with only half an inch of space between the two. “This is Meilee. She is born out of Medea. She is the warrior in me. Her job is to fight. She is homicidal and will not hesitate to kill anyone or anything if necessary. She doesn’t know defeat. She will do anything to get the job done but will bide her time if necessary.

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She doesn’t need rage to fight. She does it because it’s necessary.” “She only respects men who are warriors like her,” I stated. Then I placed another dark shitake mushroom under that one, half an inch down again. “This is Mariana. She is also born out of Medea. She exists only for pure sexual pleasure. She has absolutely no respect for men. She is very cunning and conniving. She’s the black widow in me. All these dark personalities have no guilt and no remorse,” I told Steve, while he stared at the pieces of mushrooms on my placemat listening to me intently. Then I took three pieces of white onions from the plate. I took one bit of white onion and placed it at the opposite side of the first line of mushrooms in front of me. “This is Maya. She is the exact opposite of Medea. She has infinite good. She can heal and give life through rituals involving the magic of light. She can’t harm anything or anyone. She exists to give infinite love and light,” I explained. Then I placed another shard of white onion under the first one, at the opposite side of the mushroom representing Meilee. “This is Maria, the mother in me. She is born out of Maya. She is incapable of harming anyone. She is nurturing and giving,” I declared. I placed another bit of onion under that and put it at the opposite of the mushroom representing Mariana. “This is Molly, the child in me. She is also born out of Maya. She is pure and innocent. She is also incapable of hurting anyone. She is the weakest and most fragile part of me, which is why she’s hidden from the world. All my other personas protect her. Only you and Rob have ever seen her and known her,” I told Steve while he gazed at the two rows of vegetables on my placemat. Then I picked up a piece of green bell pepper from the plate. I put it above the two rows halfway between them.

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“This is Marlene. She is pure of mind like the character Spock from Star Wars. She’s very powerful and can process and assess information faster than most people. Colby is the only person I know who can think as fast as Marlene. She commands my first six personalities, but she can fully detach from them if she wishes,” I uttered. Then I took another piece of white onion and placed it above the green pepper. “This is M. She is my spirit. She is the one that meditates and goes into trance. She is the psychic in me, the one that can see through the hearts of men. She sees the past and the future and beyond. She is detached from this matrix, and the actions of men do not affect her. She is an observer, an observer of this plane. The reason I can stay calm during great adversities is because when I’m under threat, like the day a hundred armed men raided our house, M takes control. She sedates the rest of us with the exception of Marlene. So only the two of them are left to deal with difficulty at hand.” “M is the keeper of my boundless passion, which all my personalities have equal access to. But, Marlene tempers the distribution of my emotions. Otherwise, extreme passion such as mine could be destructive not only to myself but to others as well.” “This is me! This is the map to who I am. I studied psychology, but that cannot explain me. Only I can explain who I am from my own personal experience. And this is who I am,” I stated. “I believe every person has all those different personalities but they are not as intense,” Steve remarked. “So far there are eight personalities here but there is one more. She is more important than the others. She sits above M. She has no name. She has no beginning and no end. She exists in endless possible realities here and beyond. She connects to all that is. She represents my soul,” I said.

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“My god,” Steve explained with a deep breath. “That’s all your books right there. I hope you will write about this in your book the way you described it to me.” “Rob was connected deeply to the part of me that has no name, which is why we meditated together. Our souls were so greatly bonded that what happened in this world was inconsequential. He was connected to all of me except for my dark personalities. He didn’t’ know Medea, Meilee and Mariana. And because of that we had no real sexual chemistry,” I told Steve. “On the other hand, you have the love and respect of all my personalities with the exception of Medea and Meilee. Six years ago, you lost Molly during a misunderstanding we had. She’s hidden herself from you since. I hope she comes back.” “James’ real connection was only with Mariana. That’s why my relationship with him had no substance. All we had was sex. All these years I wondered why I suffered from a walking breakdown after I broke up with him. It was my decision, and I had no doubt it was the best thing to do at the time. Still, I had a walking breakdown afterwards. Now I think it was because Mariana went out on a path of vengeance against all my other personalities, and that weakened us all. I didn’t leave the house for six months after I kicked James out of my life. I didn’t talk to anyone except for Colby and Jason and the maids in the house. I don’t know how we survived. The separation killed something inside me.” “No man I know except for one man has ever won Medea. Outside of Molly, she’s the most difficult one to win. That man is the key to Medea. He is the only man on this planet who could bargain with Lucifer on earth. According to the oracles, it is Medea that will unleash havoc against mankind,” I stated. “You are very interesting because of your different personalities,

87 MARLENE AGUILAR whereas most people are boring. Most of mankind is boring because all these personalities are highly condensed and congealed within them to the point where most of their personalities are hidden if not lost. They have no knowledge of their Medea or Meilee or Molly,” Steve said. “I did not study psychology,” he added. “I did,” I said butting in. “Psychology is a box. It doesn’t offer enough for me to understand who I am. For me, Carl Jung is the most profound name in psychology. Still, in my opinion, some of his framework was stolen from eastern philosophies. As far as I’m concerned, he read books on eastern beliefs, created a formula out of them and sold it to the west.” “I believe most people would intrinsically agree that the map you just outlined, the map that describes you also fits the description of who they are. However, they would be afraid to confront that mapping and all their true personalities. They’ve been taught to conceal their true selves. And they are so successful at hiding. People fear their insanity,’ Steve declared. “They’re afraid to seek the spirit, or the Molly, and the Medea in them, which you might call the outer extremities. They’re afraid they would go insane if they find them. And so they live life with a great portion of themselves that they will never see. Then someone like you, someone rare but known to them, you come and confront them, and they are compelled and fascinated by you. But they’re not going to look within themselves for the same.” “Mankind is boxed so it can be controlled by church, state and industry. These institutions work to contain mankind because they don’t want people to be free. These institutions taught people to be afraid to look inside themselves. They’re afraid they cannot control themselves. They are afraid of the threat of insanity,” he went on.

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“But the rest of mankind is insane because they don’t’ know who they are. They suffer insanity of the dead!’ I announced. “This is why I greatly encourage you to discuss your different personalities in your book. It would help others,” Steve said. “This is all thanks to your relationship with your father. He helped propel these characters like blasting them out of you with a shot gun,” Steve continued. “The horror of my childhood drove my personas to split,” I uttered with both hands covering my face. “I had to survive my father. It was Meilee. Meilee took charge and protected the rest of us. She hid Molly so deep inside me so no one could ever find her and hurt her. And she faced my father’s wrath unafraid of him,” I added teary. “What amazes me,” Steve said then paused. “What amazes me is how your mind keeps control of those personalities.” “You know I can shift personalities very fast. I could be crying here with a broken heart. But if you tell me a guest has just walked in, I’d wipe my tears away and show an entirely different face,” I stated. “‘I know. I’ve seen it many times,’” he replied.” “I have to finish reading the above first. What you and I have in common is our honesty about self while expressing our reasons for the hypocrisies of the legal systems. Be careful Marlene. We are prime targets for scapegoating and inducing fear in the citizens. Where there are laws, there are categories of good and bad. Sounds like religion to me. As long as there are categories of humans, we will assume better or worse of this animal side. Best description of SM is a movie called A Dangerous Method about Freud, Jung and Sabina Spielrein. You remind me metaphorically of her revolutionary ideas. She changed Freud’s interpretation of his own writings by 1933.

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In response to “I’ve outgrown manmade rules - good. Me too. I stopped teaching in bed. However, where oh where.” “When I launched Warriors of Heaven, the Philippine SWAT team raided my home. The book exposes the ugly relationship between US and the Philippines. It has become required reading in universities in three different classes - Philosophy, Political Science and Popular Literature.” “My son, a former US Ranger was framed for a crime he didn’t commit. This is how the US punished me. “Be careful’ are two words I no longer consider, not after a hundred heavily armed men attacked my home because my former president wanted my son and me dead. No man dictates my fate. That was decided in heaven since time immemorial.” ““I am so sorry about what happened to your son and you with the SWAT.” “You talk about legal equality for women in the states. Really? These women marry for money. These women are so blinded by the material world, and you think legal issues would cure their true problems?” “Women need to take over the legal system. Stop acting like men in fear. They marry for money because that’s all they get. Smart men will sell their souls for money for their women. What I see in the states with the generation between 33-37 are women who married at 30, just to have their kids. Then they divorce and the kids get another father. They are confronted by opportunistic male thinking, no empathy. The generation of women from 29-33 go for money only. In a socialist state, men and women would have equality of pay.” “You worry about the external selves of these people when the real issues lie within their inner selves.” “Equal because law, equal rights amendment, no fault marriage.

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No more marriage for money. What you come with is what you leave with. Legal age of 13.If divorce before.” “In my opinion divorce laws in the US give too much to women. As far as equality, I’ve traveled to 37 countries. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter where I go, if I want something, I will go and get it. Period. Fuck gender issue.” ““If divorce, before state free living 13-17.The issues within will be a part of divorce or any unfulfilled contract. There should be psychotherapy as part of state divorce. State needs to take responsibility for bad contracts. I am a utopian. Yes, I do see answers in fair laws where individuality is put first, not society. The state is just a group to administer the laws. Unemployment is a reflection of hiring police. Instead of fixing internal strife with self-reflection and therapy, I am trying to write a method for the individual to be always first. Funny, my house visitor lasted a week, his second visit. He decided we could talk for days. He left yesterday. Now there is you. My fingers are getting numb on my smartphone.” “I grew up in a violent home and in a violent neighborhood. At 16, I became an asset for a CIA operative. At age 23, the CIA murdered my first husband. I tried to live a quiet life and I did so for many years until the US came back into my life forcing me to go up against the US and RP governments. I’ve been fighting since.” “I have no hatred in my heart. I take full responsibility for everything that has happened in my life. I have no one to blame. And I don’t see losing, because I am not only very manipulative and cunning - I am very, very flexible.” “I see from your statements, the box still owns you.” “I have absolutely no faith in the system. Like I said, if I want something, I will go out and get it. Period. That includes destroying my government. Watch and see.”

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“I don’t understand why people like you continue to create boxes for the individual. You don’t adjust the system to work for the person. You empower that individual so he or she could adjust to any system.” “The system is diseased. Boxes will never work, not in any culture. So in the end and despite differences in cultures and traditions, the woman must adjust and do the best she can. The key is INDEPENDENCE and confidence. Fuck gender issue. And fuck your laws!” “If the box is the gender issue, it is only for equality to women. If the box has self-awareness and self love first, what is second? Winning is in you for some reason, not in me. There is no such thing as working for any government for a short period. Its a life sentence, yet so are contracts.” “I agree with the anti system as Thoreau and Emerson, but when I read them at 12, I stayed away from all organizations that were competitive. Even Cub Scouts was. I quit at bear badge. Games people play.” “To live a quiet life is what you seek? Come. I only write and will publish anonymous. Stay quiet. I was quite reluctant to even have a computer or do FB. If I had a rebel mate, I would be honored to die for her. Again I’m so sorry for your life of violence. Mine was only emotionally abusive. My older bro and sis had more physical punish, and they are quite reactive. Bro has found some peace, now that he is 65 and somewhat retired. I love the spirit behind your mind M. It is so alive. That is a blessing. I agree boxes don’t work, but the system is not organic, because individuality is ignored. Jump into their box and be accepted. The system can only be organic, if it is pared down to hardly anything. You and I, who have self love; might know what to do with that freedom. The 93% would be lost.

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I feel for them. How would you get rid of all the boxes?” “Clearly, you think like an academe, which means you do not know the reality of the world. You wouldn’t last 3 days in mine.” “The box has nothing to do with self-awareness. The box imprisons the minds and spirits of people. And why the fuck are you always quoting the words of other academes? Jesus! I hate it when people do that. It’s so lame. Why can’t academes just state their opinions without having to run to the institution to confirm their thoughts? That is so lame! WTF? Can’t you think for yourself?” “BTW, don’t worry about my openness. I have the ability to push people to the abyss.” “How would I rid the world of those boxes? I have some sort of cult following in the Philippines. Most of my followers are those who have read my book Warriors of Heaven. The book carries a curse, my curse, Medea’s curse. Many of those who read it have found freedom from mental slavery. I wrote it to free people’s minds.” Buddhist oracles foretold my future many years ago. They said I would free my people from darkness. It is happening. Look at my wall. It is all about freedom. I adjust to the needs of the young nation. Most of my followers are college students who need to look up to an icon, an icon of hope.” “Part of me would like to retire to a quiet and simple life. Because deep within me I am simple as I have no material attachment. But such is not my fate.” “I am an academe. I admit I could not get through three days in your world. I will have to read your book before we speak again. I quote others because I have not written mine.” “Here are the Chapters to Warriors of Heaven. I knew you were an academe. You write like one.” “This book has been required reading in universities here including

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University of the Philippines, which is for me the top higher school of learning in the country. Like I said, it is required reading in three subjects, Political Science, Philosophy and Popular Literature.” Please note that the last time I took any formal English lessons was when I was 15 years old in high school.” “Dick, I see you had an altercation with one of my cosmic children on my wall. Ha ha!” “Many of my supporters are teenagers and college students who come from oppressed backgrounds. I counsel many of them via private messages, but some come to my home. Many come from incestuous and violent backgrounds, and they hold on to me for strength. Many of them have protested against the government with me in public. Some of them have vowed to bleed for me, kill for me and die for me.” “I lived in the US for 11 years. The US government compared to the Philippine government is like comparing heaven and hell. The Philippine government is number one in the world as far as murdering its own citizens. One mass murder called the Ampatuan massacre happened in broad daylight in 2009. 60 people were murdered. Women were raped before their bodies were cut to pieces. That’s what we’re fighting here. So quit whining about the US!” “BTW, I’m going to drive your mind beyond its comfort zone. But then you already know that. Good night.” “I read chapter 5. I like what you said about “self-actualization before enlightenment”. It is slightly reminiscent of Siddhartha’s journey. Your analysis of America is excellent. I know the DC culture. I know American senators. None or very few in DC are self-actualized.” “Their self concept is the vanity they never found in childhood. Some people never recover from high school. They just run for office.

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They suffer from perpetual narcissism. They create a stage for their way of life. Why? They need to fight their demons of enlightenment knocking on their sleep. I admire your grasp of time travel. Too few understand past lives or reincarnation. My writing is also addressing the fallacy of religion. The answers are inside. However, I choose self-concept. And myth of creation choice for self-actualization and enlightenment.” “I don’t really believe in past life or creation theories or science or any objective truth. Man’s mind is too primitive, no matter how enlightened. It’s all myth choice for joy for all. As you, my comfort zone only resides in my myth. Everyone’s pain is relative” “I am devoted to America as you are to the Philippines. Rape amongst American families is not as prevalent. We have mental rape or annihilation of creative thought too. I loved the read. Thank you.” “Silly boy. Of course, you don’t understand past and future lives because your mind can’t grasp the concept. I knew I would have a daughter as soon as I met her father. And I told him she would become a writer. Today she is ten years old, and she writes with great passion like her mother. I see past and future. But teaching you that is like teaching algebra to a five-year-old child. Quantum Physics explains paranormal behavior.” “BTW, did you read chapter 5 before the other chapters? If you did, then you are more retarded than I thought.” “Tell me, how did you find me? And tell me the truth. Otherwise, I’d go to your house in the middle of the night, and chain you naked to your bed.” “You put chapter 5 first, silly girl. 5 3 6. 4 1 2 was the order of the chapters when you sent them to me. I still feel your myth of wanting a child with this man made it happen, same with daughter. You are an amazing mother to help your child through quantum physics to

95 MARLENE AGUILAR help in a dream. I hope you are right and I am wrong about myth. But predetermination is also far fetched for me. I would wish you try not to be emotionally abusive with name calling. I used the word silly as tit for tat. I don’t like doing this.” “ I listened to something you wrote on your FB wall, and was amazed at your genius. There will be no topic you can’t mention, I have not heard of you. You don’t need to impress me.” “I love your words. As a westerner, I seek information through debate. I am not disagreeing. I’m only telling you where I come from. Can you respect that, even though I am a man? You have never met a man like me. I am a man of love. I have been a healer all my life. For a westerner, give me a break. I am ultrasensitive, have a hard time with most male thinking.” “ I have a good friend in California you remind me of who calls me lame. You call me a whiner about America. I have 2 sisters who very close to me. Most women love me to death. Must a sensitive guy resort to these punitive pet names in reverse? I never have resorted to it. I saw too much of it as a child. I defended my sisters against my brothers and father. I love that you help women who have been abused. I do too. Help. Please try not to call me names. And don’t send me smiley faces. I might like you chaining me naked to the bed if I could trust you. I want to and will read chapter 1 tomorrow.” “Dick, you need some growing up to do. Every person has yin and yang within him. I am both good and evil. Those are the true forces that give us life, the true forces that embrace us within and without. Calling names? Really? I like being called silly. It’s childish. I think every person should allow the child within him some life. What the hell did your family ever do to you that made you so afraid of life? If you cannot handle my honesty and my openness then go right back to America, a place where they spend so much time being politically

96 MIRROR OF MIND correct because their existence is so diseased they’ve forgotten what honesty is!” “I don’t need anyone to be nice to me. I’d rather they are honest with me. Clearly, you cannot take honesty. So go back to your shell and hide. Go on pretending you are helping the world, when clearly you are in dire need of saving yourself.” “One more thing - Unless you are man enough to respect my freedom of speech, then stay away from me and screw yourself! :D :D :D: :D” “BTW, I sent you the chapters of Warriors of Heaven in chronological order. So I don’t know why you didn’t get them in that manner. “They must be messing with our communication.” “You say you’re a healer. That’s one of my gifts. You can’t be a good therapist if you don’t know how to destroy. The gift of healing comes from the energy of lightness. Destruction and illness come from the energy of blackness. You have to accept both forces in order to be a good healer. Because in order to cure the sick, you must be able to command both forces.” “The forces of good and evil, blackness and lightness, life and death go hand in hand. They co-exist giving life to the other and vice-versa. The reason you are unhappy is because you have no balance in your life.” “This life is about accepting good and evil forces in equal measures and finding balance between these opposing forces. Obviously, you don’t even know what I’m talking about, do you?” “Go ahead and create more boxes for lost souls. Keep destroying the world.” “Every time I see an academe, I want to cry. There are too many of you in international institutions. I can never stand being in any forum for the UN, ADB or IMF because they are filled with self-

97 MARLENE AGUILAR important academes who know everything except the reality of the world.” “I had dinner out a couple of months ago. The Filipino man who sat at the head of the table next to me was a candidate to become the secretary general for APEC. Jesus! To me, the man has absolutely no grasp of reality. Everything he knows came from a structured and limited environment. This is one of the greatest problems of the world. Academes like this man run institutions!” “You wrote, ‘Predetermination is also far fetched for me.’” ”You say this because you believe the individual has will, and he can make choices in this life. That is true too. Predetermination and will, they come hand in hand. Listen to me carefully.” “You and your destiny are one and the same. I believe that before you were born into this matrix, you agreed to fulfill a certain task. That is your fate.” “Imagine this one reality as you going to college and wanting to take up psychology, for instance. So when you go to college, you will have to work very hard to conquer your goal. Along the way, you are given many choices like which courses you should take first. You will suffer joy and pain, defeats and victories as the days pass. You will meet people who will guide you. You will also meet people who will deter you from fulfilling your task. This journey of life is like that.” “I believe I was born gifted with more than most people because being a very old soul, I have agreed to fulfill a much greater task in this plane. So heaven armed me with special weapons. Heaven armed me with a strong mind, indomitable spirit, immense courage, many talents, psychic abilities, and more. It’s up to me how I use these tools. That’s where my will comes in to play.” “Along the way and as I have lived life, I have confronted forks

98 MIRROR OF MIND in the road. So I chose which direction to take. Once I have chosen a path, that one led me to other forks where I had to choose again. As I continue to live life, I will be faced with forks and choices over, and over again. Yes, you are given choices. The thing is no matter which road you choose, your destiny remains the same. Now you can either do it the easy way or do it my way – the impossible way.” “I knew my destiny better than the Buddhist oracles who have guided me for many years. I fought my destiny tooth and nail to escape it. But like the oracles said, “no matter which path I choose, all roads will bring me to Rome. In the process, I have learned to humble myself to the will of heaven. I am no longer fighting my fate. I accept it.” “Let us look at you and me, for example. I believe we were always meant to cross each other’s path. Like I said, there are no accidents. There is only the inevitable. I believe that we are both old souls who were born to earth to bring light to darkness. You have helped me regarding choices in my future. You have nurtured my wisdom.” “I love your inner-self. I love your mind. What I do not like about you is your external self, the whining man who can’t move on from the pain of his past. The whining man who is desperate to save the weak women he’s surrounded his life with. The whining man who cannot see that the fate of these lost women is not under his control. Destiny is predetermined. How you get there is another story.” “Do all of us fulfill our fate? No. Most people will never know why they are here because they don’t listen to their inner-selves. The majority of the people on this planet like the senators and politicians in DC along with their wives and children you talk about are nothing but slaves to the material world. These people are locked in a never-ending cycle of painful incarnations in this one particular reality. And they will suffer this life again and again and again. Until

99 MARLENE AGUILAR they can detach themselves from fear, ignorance and greed, they will remain prisoners of this god-forsaken realm.” “Read first chapter. Stellar. Wrote best email to you. Phone call came. Email disappears. Argg. Next time.” “What are you talking about? For an academe, you don’t write complete sentences. Are you saying you emailed me?” “If you’re going to email me please use this address aguilarmarlene@ yahoo.com.” “I think I understand now what you wrote earlier. Oh well. You’re going to have to re-write the email because I want to read it. I actually enjoy the narrative between us. Good night.” Let me interrupt your reading for a moment. The last paragraph written by Dick is how he writes sometimes. Now if I were to present his writing to you in this manner, it would be torture to read. So I decided to complete his sentences when he writes in this manner. Let’s continue. “I wrote again at Yahoo, another long narrative but message was rejected. I finished Chapter 1. I will read it a few times. It’s like an infusion of spirit to my bloodstream. I love it. Sorry about the email. I am computer challenged, so may not be able to recover the message. I need your book in paperback.” “I love chapter 1.” “Really? You love chapter 1? Hmmmmm. I will remove your name from my assassination list then. “Email? Why not just give me your comments here? Paperback? Just print the chapters. BTW, my books get better and better. I promise. XO! “You know I did send you the chapters of WOH chronologically. My screen shows I did. So I find it very strange that you received Chapter 5 first. Also, I find it even stranger that you can’t email me.

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That’s not kosher.” “I don’t know what you did in your past. And I really don’t care. But I care about our open mental engagement. It is rare for me to find anyone I want to talk to that could even begin to challenge my mind. I know I sound conceited. But Warriors of Heaven is only but a fraction of my mind. I’ve written five non-fiction novels, one better than the other. Book 5 is my favorite. Still, I could continue writing. I could write ten more if I were left alone.” “Going back to you not getting the chapters in order and your difficulty sending me emails, that is weird. Anyway, you should know the US NSA closely monitors everything I do via the Internet. That includes all I write and say via my mobile phones as well.” “I have nothing to hide Dick. And I have no fear of death. I am loyal to one thing only - my soul.” “Ditto on the last three sentences. Since I have messaged important senators, I am probably monitored, but not closely I hope. I don’t feel conceited that I can challenge your mind and this is hard to find. I have the same experience. We are enlightened, not narcissistic. I am very excited about 5 books. Oh my, that’s perfect timing for my life now. Thank you! I have 5000 books in my house. I spent my time at Georgetown University reading. I had no sex until I was 21, if you can believe that. I never bother about little things like how computers function. I don’t have printers or faxes, just me. I will have to wait until the morning to read part 1 of chapter 1 to try to recreate my first email. Thanks again.” “I didn’t have FB until three years ago. After I released Warriors of Heaven off the press, 100 heavily armed law enforcers raided my home. A US government official told me that the then president of the Philippines Gloria Macapagal Arroyo sent these men to kill my son and me. After my son was gunned down, they tortured him in

101 MARLENE AGUILAR front of me. I was arrested as well.” “After the shoot-out in my home, I spent 24 hours in jail. My son was taken to the hospital, half dead. The disaster that happened in my home was aired on national television the same morning. A young man saw the tragedy, and he immediately opened a FB page supporting my son and I. We now have over 107k supporters on FB representing 23 countries.” “When I returned home from jail, I received a phone call from one of my cousins saying the young nation has stepped forward to support my son and I. That was the day I joined FB. That was when I started to change to adapt to my new life in cyberspace.” “I used to hate having my photos taken. No one was allowed to take my pictures unless it was work-related. As you can see, that has changed. I realize my supporters like to see my photos, so I give this to them. Many of my followers joined me during public protests, although they received death threats. They also attended court hearings with me. My top supporters believe that members of the local police were responsible for the threats they received on the Internet.” “On FB and on the streets, the young nation stood up against the RP government because of its inhumane treatment of my son and myself. Because of that I’ve been active on FB since. The young nation was there for me during my darkest moments. So, I am here for them.” “But what you see on FB is not really me. What you see is a version of me adapting to the young nation. I’m like you. I am an introvert. I hate the city. I hate malls. I hate crowds. I hate being surrounded by morons. I like silence. I hated structured education too. The last English class I took was in the Philippines when I was 15.”

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“BTW, Warriors of Heaven is not available in paper back. I hate paperback. For me, reading paperback is like eating junk food. Give me your mailing address and I’ll send you the hardbound copy, for free.” “The US has done things to me in the last three years, people would never believe. Hell, I couldn’t believe they would go so far. Last year, they abducted my top ally within the Philippine government. I call him Chief. He disappeared for over six months. Then I found out that he was alive. Eventually, a meeting was set up between him and one of my female assets. He came with a bodyguard from the US Embassy for the conference. According to my asset who met with the Chief, he had lost his memory. He no longer remembered that he has a wife and children. “This would not have happened to me if ma’am obeyed the US,” he told my asset, referring to me as ma’am. He lost a great portion of his memory, but he remembers my asset, my son Jason Ivler and me.” “I wrote WOH to get the brotherhood of apes in DC off my back. I wrote WOH to show them I wasn’t worth the effort because of my defiance against them. Unfortunately, once the agenda is set, I don’t think these men like taking no for an answer. So my battle goes on. But I’m very flexible. After all, everything under the sun is negotiable. Here’s a smile and a kiss! :D X!” “One more thing, since we’ve been talking here, weird things began to happen to my laptop. It’s really amazing what they can do. I’m not using my laptop anymore. I’m using another one now to connect to the Internet.” “I wrote a dynamite dialogue between the man in a box and his enlightened son, inspired by your box idea. Love.” “I want to read what you wrote Mr. Academe. Please send it to me. X!”

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“I just woke up. I thought you would have sent me your narrative on the ‘box’ by now. How disappointing. I should punish you for that. Bad boy!” “I have been developing clear alternatives, to replace the public school system, the banking system, and changing ownership of large companies. Limiting the salaries of heads of these companies. Solutions sedate anger and often make for a more isolated life, yet with resolve and beauty internally...” “You know that’s never going to happen. A part of you is so unrealistic you might as well be an artist. “Solutions sedate anger,” you said. But what you wrote are not solutions at all. DETACHMENT deletes anger. The world today is no longer a world of nations but a world of multinational corporations. Remember that. Now, send me your narrative. Good morning.” “Here’s an excerpt from my latest book entitled The Key. Read below – “My conversation with the American resumed. His narrative is in Italics.” “What did you think of Bush?” “I like Bush Jr. I love his humor, and I love that he can laugh at himself.” “What about Bush senior?” “I don’t know enough about him to make a decision,” I answered. “The father raised the son. I liked them both.” “Then I think I’d like the father too. Did you work with them?” “Yes, I did. What do you think of Clinton?” “Empty. He has no substance.” “I agree with you,” he stated chuckling. “Is it true you were called to work when Obama visited Thailand?” “Yes, that’s true. What do you think of Obama?”

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“Obama is a poser, a fake! I don’t like him at all!” “I worked with Carter, Bush Sr., Bush Jr., Clinton and Obama. And yes, you’re right. Obama is the biggest charlatan.” “Can I ask you a sensitive question?” “Go ahead.” “Why are the Shit Lords after me? Why are they doing this to me? I asked Jones, teary. “Jealousy.” “Jealousy? Are you crazy? I’m just a tiny Asian woman!” “Marlene, you have the power to seduce people, not just sexually, not just physically. You have the power to seduce people mentally. You have the power to seduce the nation to revolt. Look at the people in this place. They love you.” “These men in DC don’t have the power you have over people.” “I didn’t want this role! I never wanted this! I offered to leave the country. I do not want this!” “And where would you go?” “Away from here!” I declared in tears. “Marlene, it doesn’t matter where you go. You will still be on the same planet. You will still influence people because you will still be you.” The words that came out of Jones intoxicated me. He knew. He knew about the Brotherhood in Washington DC. I cried inside. I cried because Jones confirmed I would never be able to escape. Suddenly I heard my mobile phone beep. “Where are you?” said the text message from a commander of the US Army Special Forces. “I’ll be there in 15 minutes,” I replied. Immediately, I gave one of the restaurant staff the hand signal to bring me my bill. “Go! I know you’re in a hurry for your next appointment. Let me take care of this bill.”

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“No. You take care of dinner Thursday. Let me get this one.” “As soon as I paid the bill, Jones walked me to the lobby of Manila Peninsula Hotel where we hugged each other tight and said goodbye.” “Yes, I agree with Jones in the dialogue. The members of the brotherhood are jealous of you. IN REALITY it is envy. Jealousy means they can use you as a role model.” “These men in DC loathe themselves too much for jealousy. It is envy. Envy is when they need to destroy you, gag you, obliterate you; so they can go back to thinking, sorcerers like us don’t exist. I am an artist of many sorts, like you. My work is an art.” “I don’t believe in science for human application. When the health reform act was being passed, I explained to head negotiator for votes, I would rather pay the penalty, than ever walk into a doctor’s office. Medicine in their therapies is all wrong. Same mentality of power to kill evil also kills the human. I was shocked when during W administration electroshock came back into vogue. I call it Fad Science. I know enough physiology to get some doctors to call me famous and others to say I’m crazy. It’s like they call you crazy in the Philippines. You are getting me so hopeful. I have learned to keep my mouth shut except here. That may end too.” “When W stole the election, I started an American history review. I stopped going out at night. Most presidents were charlatan puppets of business. Good simple depiction is Bush Sr. Then Bush Jr. came for another 8 years. He was our best domestically. Now there’s Obama. At least he is talking about taxing the rich. Globalization leads to this rich poor split.” “If you tell these men you love them, they wouldn’t want to destroy you. What I say is I don’t agree but I respect your right to believe what you want. It is love that the narcissist craves. They buy, sell

106 MIRROR OF MIND and start wars all to get love. I just don’t know that they want love from an individual like you who loves herself. They choose wives who are dutiful as well. There is no shared love in their relationships that is not hysterical or manic. This puts powerful men in control. They don’t understand they have to feel powerless to love.” “Submission to a narcissist is a hide-and-seek game to show that he can play. Yet, they always have to win or dominate. Sometimes this means decades of hide-and-seek, until they retire me, with no thanks and no goodbye. I become just as in the shadows as their ex wives.” “Teehee. I am a utopian Marlene. I have to trust that the American people will prevail. It’s in my blood. Singing the Lords Prayer and saying the pledge of allegiance for 6 years or more. Yesterday I spoke to a navy vet about how navy could devise a public education system for US if I gave up utopianism and if I give up a large part of what my self concept is defined as.” “So you believe heaven forged you. Do you believe in a human God or god of forces, natural elements? Where does intention come from? Do you ever come to the states?” “Of course heaven forged me, so did hell. I don’t believe in a human god, not in the sense you talk about. I believe in great and unseen cosmic powers that give life to all that is here and beyond. I believe that these forces come in different forms, like the great energy that gives life to the five elements, which are water, fire, metal, wood and earth. I believe there is a separate magnanimous force that empowers each of these elements.” “Eastern philosophy declares there are five elements, not four as Western philosophy claims. I believe the latter is shallow and limited. Anyway, air is not an element. Air is the bringer of chi, which carries the energy of yin and yang in this galaxy and all the galaxies beyond.

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Consciousness comes from the soul, so is intention. The soul is pure energy. It is eternal.” “Did you ever wonder why some people could be so highly educated, and yet they are shallow? Where does depth come from? I believe those with depth like us are older souls. We are ahead of the rest.” “I lived in the east coast for 11 years. Massachusetts is my 2nd home and I miss it so terribly I could cry. But with what has transpired between the US and me, I’m not sure if it is wise for me to go there.” “Do you think old souls are reincarnated and reach a point of last lives before there is no more reincarnation?” “This is my last life in this realm. I will not come back in human form. I will not come back in this reality anymore. Through trance, I have seen where I am going after this. It is a world where existence is not in the physical form. Maybe someday I could write a book about my spiritual journey through this life. The great difference between us is although you have a superior mind you are yet to grasp the genuine authenticity of the soul. It exists in multiple dimensions, and it is eternal.” “I think it is best we discuss the answer to your questions further through Skype where we could talk in real time. We can keep our cameras covered so they don’t see us.” Let me break the conversation here. I asked Dick to talk via Skype because experience taught me that if he were sent to me he wouldn’t want to talk to me in real time. Let’s go on. “You said earlier on that you didn’t believe in other probable realities and existences. I am aware of my past and future lives. I have the ability to turn myself into pure energy and connect to all that is beyond. And no I don’t take drugs. I don’t smoke. I don’t

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even drink soda. I’m a health freak. I love wine though.” “How many chapters have you read from Warriors of Heaven? You still haven’t sent me your narrative concerning the box. Bad boy!” “I get it. Let’s just be pen pals for a while. I am so sorry about Massachusetts. It’s a beautiful place to have a home.” “Remember, education has nothing to do with Ivy League, so never assume titles mean anything.” “If I had done Georgetown, the ivy league way, I would know nothing, follow the procession of puppets and be rich enough today to fly to see you immediately, but I would never feel you. A feeling education has to do with the emotional brain. Our memories are connected to this hippocampal area, which allows us to connect thoughts like an artist connects with the canvas. People with no self-concept in older age suffer from memory problems in old age and neurological issues with walking, gait, hearing and voice. These people have no real connection between heart and mind.” “The richer people get, the harder to keep in touch with emotions because of envy. Taxation of paranoia - you only get to keep what you can hide or protect.” “One man was angry at how much Social Security I get. He stated, “ You probably declared all of your income in an angry tone. He needed to control me. Their method is dependency. Then he boasted that he pays no taxes because of all his losses and deductions. Foundations in America can be write-offs for a corporation, even when the foundation has one staff, his wife.” “Remember, your beauty is within. As I age, I am trying to shed more and buy nothing but food and water. Less is more.” “The dialogue I mentioned is about a simplistic way of the child teaching daddy about the stage of latency (Freud), that he missed

109 MARLENE AGUILAR because he was too interested in the approval of his brutal bullying daddy. In his unconscious, he enlisted at age 18 in the military. Then he went to college to get a degree. He had 2 kids by 30 and 3 more after that.” “The only time for reflection was vacations with his wife, which were how the last three kids were conceived. He had no time for latency, no time for reflection and he had no self-concept. But he was generally still filled with S & M anger, obsessive-compulsive work ethic to avoid the trauma of not being loved by his Daddy. Whew. I’m off to the gym my dearie.” “Let’s just be pen pals for a while you said. So you don’t want to talk in real time. That’s fine. We don’t have to talk in real time ever. I’m good with that.” “Believe me, I’m the last person on earth who would be impressed by title, position, Ivy League education or material possessions. The best part of me is detached from this reality. I’ve worked with people from Oxford and Harvard, and I wasn’t impressed. They couldn’t think outside of the box. In addition, they were pussies and I don’t like cowards. I’ve also met top VIPs of international institutions that are educated beyond their ability to think.” “For someone who works so much at being free - the box still owns you. You are bound by so many rules. And you’ve never faced the unknown. You’ve never confronted your fears.” “You should know this about me. I’ve traveled to 37 countries. I’ve met some of the most dangerous people in the world. As far as mind, body and spirit, I have never met any man I would consider my equal. Furthermore, I don’t believe such a man exists in this matrix.” “I hope they don’t give you the gag order as they did with others. I so enjoy our discussion.”

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“What is the gag order?” “I can no longer speak with most of the characters in my books. They were banned from talking to me, like Howard Marks. He told me that if we didn’t stop talking, the CIA would put him back in jail. My principal character, Marcus, doesn’t want to talk to me either. Actually, only Caesar is in open communication with me. But I think that’s because he’s careful of what to say anyway.” Here is a link from YouTube so you could hear me sing. I love this song. It’s called Windmills Of Your Mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgLpdd37Fmk. “Your song is mesmerizing as you are.” “BTW, I tried to email you using the address you gave me. The system won’t let me do it. I can’t email you. Amazing.” “What is it about you and I, Marlene? I have no computer or Skype, although you are the first, I wish I had it for, maybe second. I like you as a person too. We would be amazing co-authors.” “Dick - oil and water will never mix. You are an academe, which means you are afraid of life. On the other hand, I have more freedom than anyone in this matrix.” “Freedom means you don’t accept labels. I’m glad you are back to your old prickly self as labeling me academe. Boasting about your freedom only allows me to understand why you gave me the complement of being the rare person who could intellectually challenge you. These lines of I am better are just like the feelings of the colonel. He just does not say it. I was not implying mixing, only in the fiction writing sense. Boy I don’t miss the name calling, but if you would like to have an argument, I would gladly accommodate.” “You are incredible. I read some about you on Google. You are inspiring and I have a second life coming. I am 57. Most wish I would do more in the real world, like you. I am a therapist. I have

111 MARLENE AGUILAR only worked one on one. My younger days were rape counseling. I am ready for a change I’m just not sure what. I have no fear, but I may just be too lazy and too careful.” “Silly boy. Don’t believe what you read about me. The media is an evil institution that is self-serving. Remember, I was an asset for a CIA operative, which means I’m a homicidal genius.” “Actually, freedom for me means accepting all labels. I’ve been condemned by the entire nation. I’ve been bullied in cyberspace probably worse than anyone in this country. This is because of hate propaganda the government and the press launched against me. I accept that the labels people call me are their versions of the truth. So what? Their name-calling doesn’t change who I am one bit.” “I do love your intellect, but I would love it more if you were free. You are not free, Dick. Take away your academic background and what is left of you? I’d survive in your world of weenies. But you would never survive in mine.” “I have a best friend who is an academe. She’s a scientist, a genius. I have a great deal of respect for her academic mind. However, she doesn’t feel art and music the way people with deep passion do. I think people like that make the worst sexual partners. The two of you should get together. You’d be a match made in hell.” “You are so afraid of life, you don’t put your photo on your FB profile.” “You would eat your words if you ever got a massage from me. You would understand I am an artist, but I can understand your experience with academes. Your friend may have caused your prejudice.” “I used to dance with a Chinese partner who had a modern dance company. I have taken ballet, yoga, Pilates and gyro tonics.” “I have more music, books and movies at home than anyone you

112 MIRROR OF MIND probably know. My cooking, grace in movement, and delight in human interactions from all ages. Birds and animals of all kinds want to be near me. So please, don’t compare me to a scientist.” “You are so full of shit. You have lived inside the box all your life. I bet you’d piss in your pants at gunpoint. So there.” “I swear you should meet my best friend. The two of you together would further strengthen the academic world. Imagine that. If you two hit it off, you could become my future best friend in-law. That way I get to torture you for the rest of your remaining days in this matrix.” “You took ballet? Are you serious? That means you’re gay, Dick! Maybe you’re a closet case. And just because you have a lot of music in your home doesn’t mean you understand it. You could just be a nerd who flooded your home with CDs so the world thinks you know music. As far as books, I bet most of your collections were written by academes. Tell me the truth.” “BTW, my best friend took dance lessons for many years. She still can’t dance. She also took singing lessons, but that doesn’t mean she can sing.” “Here’s a song I wrote called Oh Virgin Man for men with virgin minds - for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9h8blnGszqw&feature=you tu.be “FYI - I tried being nice to you, but you were not comfortable with that. So I decided to bring out my claws and see how that goes. Are you still breathing?” After this last message, Dick was a quiet for a few days. Then I saw him back on my page. Our private conversation continues. “I see you’re back on my wall. So do your prefer the good side of me or the nasty side?”

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“I am learning to like your nasty side and have always loved the good side of you. I might have a different word. All in all, I have loved you in my life and I missed you those 4 or 5 days we weren’t talking. Yes, I am a virgin boy, No, I’m seriously not in the closet.” “Yes most books I have are academic, about psychology, philosophy, theology, medicine, physiology, Chinese medicine, shamanism, healing arts and the classics. I even learned Latin. I even have biochemistry and cell bio like your best friend. Poor girl, cell biology was when medicine made a wrong turn to charlatan chemistry.” “What’s your favorite rock band? I told a 62 year-old friend that there are certain qualities in a woman that are essential or it wouldn’t work. I love all your faces Marlene. I have as many as you.” “You passed the test, bad boy!” “Coming from you, bad boy is acceptable! You are teaching me to roll with the punches because I respect your mind and believe we have similar rebellious spirits, for different reasons.” “For different reasons? How could you be so sure, you dirty boy? You don’t know my reasons. BTW, the punches are followed by round house kicks, arm bars and head locks.” “What’s my favorite rock band? I don’t know if I have one particular favorite. I love Roger Waters from Pink FLoyd. I love Bono of U2. I think Mick Jagger is overrated. I prefer Stevie Ray Vaughn to Eric Clapton.” “We have a collection of CDs from 60 countries in our home. I grew up with live music. My brother is a very famous musician in Asia. He composed a song that became number one in Asia and Europe. It has been translated into over 40 languages. A few members of my family are musicians, and they have performed in the best concert halls all over the world. Not one of them ever took formal lessons in music. They were all born talented.”

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“I love jazz, New Orleans jazz. I also love the blues. But my taste in music is so varied.” “I love this new version of Leonard Cohen’s song Dance Me to the End of Love. I play it all the time now - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0LZ4wMV3zw” “Listen to this song by Mariza. I love Fado: http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=hlRe994oPD8” “THANKS so much for Dance With Me To The End Of love. I love it. There is no end of love!!!aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” “Mariza- now you are touching my heart. I pictured dancing with you in Madrid, for instance. Travelling by internet.” “I knew you’d appreciate Dance Me To The End of Love. You only reach the end of love when you embrace its abyss. It’s when you let go of all fears and doubts and you just fall knowing that whatever happens you are whole. You should try it.” “Here, this is for you. I love Caetano’s voice. I know the lyrics to this song by heart because my father used to sing it to us when we were children. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuYKOx834Pw.” “I can’t wait to hear your comments on Warriors of Heaven. BTW, thank you for mentally engaging with me openly. It’s a gift. XO!” “What kind of diplomatic immunity do you need to meet me in Maine this summer? Tom Waits is my best buddy’s favorite. He is a musician and songwriter too. They are my closest friends in summer. You would fit right in.” “Actually if I came with you to Maine, give me a kitchen I can work in, and you’ll have the most fabulous meals of your life. I know Asian, European and a bit of Persian cuisine. I’m very difficult to feed because I’m a chef. But I’m willing to do the cooking - that’s the good thing.”

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“However, I don’t believe it’s a good idea for me to enter the US. That would be like walking into the lions’ den.” “I am likewise. I only eat the food of chefs. I know. That’s not the only good thing.” “I can’t get enough of you. You help me breathe.” “My friend and I were just talking about Pink Floyd Sunda. I saw them at Brooklyn Academy of Music. I was 13. Send me your bro’s song.” “What about Ricardo Cocciante? Maybe he’s a little too romantic? Hehehe” “I never heard of Ricardo Cocciante. I just listened to him now. The arrangements to his songs are commercial so is his voice. I’m sorry. I don’t like his music.” “I love Tom Wait’s voice because it’s filled with soul. Cocciante’s music was created for the purpose of making money, not to feed the soul.” “Here’s one of my brother’s songs, Anak: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n-2lPzH7Do” “I never wanted to sing because around my family that would be a death sentence. They are all so talented. All my nephews and nieces can play an instrument. So I thought it was pointless to even try to sing or do anything with music considering I was surrounded with such talent. I was born an actress. I’ve been in two foreign films. I quit when I was chosen to play a lead role for some German romantic film. The director wanted to sleep with me. That did it. I quit auditioning for movies all together.” “One year, I think it was three years ago, my brother Freddie said I can’t sing. That was when I began singing. Last year, I was the featured artist at the live Concert at the Park in Manila. I still don’t think I can sing, but I don’t invest time in training like professional musicians do.”

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“Here is the first song I wrote In The Name of Freedom for my son Jason Ivler. It’s a true story. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkeUHglZe_E&feature=yo utu.be&fb_source=message” “I think your voice is deep, mesmerizing and sexy. Your brother’s voice is melodic, technical and clean. He reminds me of Keith Carradine, the star of the TV show Kung Fu.” “I’m sending you this video showing my son Colby. He was born with so many talents it’s frightening. At the age of ten, he’d already read more books than most people. At 9, he read the Art of War. At age 11, he was a computer hacker. Age 7, they wanted to advance him five years in school. At age 13, the principal refused to accept his enrolment in school because she believed he should go to college. He stopped going to school for several years after that. I sent him to Europe to live for a year where he learned to speak Swedish. He is exceptional in both the left and right sides of the brain. Anyway, he discusses me in this video. A local TV station asked him to discuss his mother. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5k6GeCnSfk” “My baby dragons are beginning to comment about you via private messages because of your comments on my wall. One said you are cute. I don’t know how that could be possible since you have no face on FB. Poser.” “Come on girl. My last pic was the one with the glasses. That was taken exactly 4 years ago during our 35th high school reunion. When was this last pic of you taken with the red shirt and Levi skirt? Oh eee vae! Your son’s video is so sweet. He’s so handsome. I love his voice. Was his father from central America?” “Colby’s father is Irish. There is no one in the world I know who could process information as fast as me other than Colby. Some

117 MARLENE AGUILAR people are smart, but they are slow. Colby is quick and so multi- talented. When we are together, all we do is antagonize each other in a very funny way. I rarely talk to him. However when we talk, it’s endless. We just go on talking. Afterward, I feel so amazed at the experience. I feel so amazed by his mind. But I feel that way about my other son too. I’m lucky that both of them have great and free minds, minds I absolutely admire.” “You have intellect and you do have passion. But you are not yet enlightened because you are not yet free. You hold your passion back. And what happened to humor? Which of your parents robbed you of humor?” “BTW, my FB is open to the public. The image you see on my wall is the imagery the young nation wants to see. Like I told you earlier, I used to hate my photos being taken. That has changed.” “FYI, there are several persons on my wall hunting for white men so they could manipulate them, borrow money from them and use them. A European supporter of mine asked me once if he should give money to some charity that didn’t exist. Some crazy woman stalked another man. There are many scams happening via the Internet. So be careful.” “My humor was killed by so many aspects of irony in my childhood. Not traumatic, I don’t think. Adulthood arrested is all I saw. I disapprove of most adult behavior.” “I think humor is born when you’ve conquered pain. Then you can rise above it. Life is truly about acceptance of pain. I suffered so much pain when I was a little girl forcing me to embrace it and own it. I think that is why I can totally understand the idea of S and M.” “Most behavior of adults, I perceived by 10 was childish. At 7, we moved away and ran, never to return. I was not told until the day of the move. When time to eat, my Mom said; “ Oh we will just try it

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out tonight.” Deception was looking down their noses. My parents would say, “ I know what’s better for you.” But they had not a clue. Whatever advice was given, I always did the opposite. I was raised by morons. Good thing they showed their love. My younger bro committed suicide. My older sis did run. Why can’t we issue licensing for parenting?” “I thought if I was raised by you, I would be president. My Mom made me feel ashamed for being smart. So did many teachers because I approved of no one. I love, if they can take it.” “Dick, we are born in this matrix to face challenges and pain. I think you should be grateful you didn’t end up like your parents. If anything they showed you what you didn’t want to become. My father beat me until I bled. And I have been able to transform all the pain he’s caused me and forged them into my strength. I’m done with the past. I’m grateful to my parents for being so dysfunctional. No one can fuck with my mind today because my parents fucked with my head so much; I was a master of the game at a tender age. I am grateful for my pain. When will you learn to be grateful for yours?” “I love the black top on your pic.” “Believe it or not, the black top I’m wearing on my FB photo now - I’ve had it for over 20 years. My body is actually fitter today than it was 15 years ago.” “I’m going to the spa. I hope you would have written me by the time I return. XO!” “Yes! I LEFT New Jersey to learn what had happened. I studied psychology to find out how people can be so negligent to the feelings of others. We have the answer. Your passion and clarity about these answers arouses great passion in me. My humor works with those young at heart. Those who preserved whatever love they

119 MARLENE AGUILAR got and grew it on their own as I. I deplore white lies. They’re just roadblocks to peace. I love this in you. I love your ability to put out your dirty laundry. I have learned in DC no one does it. I love those New Yorkers. I can only come from a place of love and honesty in a world that is most afraid of it. That’s full circle. With what I have learned here, my closest, happy and sensual times are with my friends from high school. They know me, love me and respect me.” “My best friends here are three Italian guys and the children in my neighborhood. So no personal story from you? No husband story? I guess he was not Central American! Just slept 6 hours still tired. Still getting up. I worked from 24-50. I went out and had fun last weekend, first time in 5.” “What do you mean by 5, 5 days, 5 months or 5 years?” “As of today, there is no one on the Internet I enjoy talking to more than you. Combining pages that were put up for my son and me, I have over 120 thousand supporters on FB. I get several messages from them every day. Sadly, most of them are mindless.” “You know your parents are your greatest mentors. Think about it.” “Here is honesty for you:” “I want to tell you something. A few nights ago, I meditated so I could see you, feel your spirit. I’m a strong psychic. I can feel people from within. It was then I realized there is something inside you that is ‘cutting’. I found something in you I could hate. Do you understand? I thought about it for a few days and decided it was okay.” “You are not yet free, Dick. You have not yet connected the circle. Imagine what total freedom could do to your mind, your passion and your gifts. Imagine that.” “Maybe that’s why I’m in your life now, to guide you to more

120 MIRROR OF MIND freedom. Just so you know, I’m going to drive you crazy in the process!” “Tell me what you saw. I know I am not a complete circle. My bro’s suicide and the awareness it brought me is only now coming to serve me. I have had freedom; I have experienced great love in my life. Each experience brought me tragedy. My lovers were unenlightened. I want you to tell me what might make you hate me, whether ok or not.” “NOW I have read parts of chapter 1. How can we trust the CIA? George Tenet was an alumnus of Georgetown University, my alma mater. I still live in DC. Remember, I worked on senators. George Tenet is now professor at GU. Some of these little weenie boys who hate their jobs lie to the CIA on purpose just to change jobs. 1 trillion dollars later, the US saw the truth. They fired him and he got honored as a professor his whole life” “The nature of power in the US is in the hands of men who never got love or recognition from their parents. Even in the worst neighborhoods of your country or in Africa, love and recognition or approval are far more shared between parents and their children. That is what culture is about. To Americans, consumerism is the culture. There are no more Beatles, Frank Sinatra and the great society of Lyndon Johnson. Worst president for foreign affairs was Bush Sr. who was a recovered alcoholic born again Christian with mentality that was ready for the 16th Century. His purpose was the fall of the US and the world, to speed up the second coming and the Armageddon. We are still in a spiral downward from him because many of government employees his admin hired are still here, fucking up every department of the government. When admins change, the new admin should be able to fire any and all previous employees.”

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“Bush Sr. was like a virus to the entire system of government here. Right now the fear of republicans is that the party is over. There should be all democratic presidents from now on. I am living in a fear zone. When 9/11 happened, I said the same things you did about occupation of America. I said we deserve a bomb here and there, even if it’s in a mall where the kids are. If the US wants to spread its virus of material consumerism to solid countries of pure culture, then they should accept the consequences of their anger in a world where we invented gunpowder. You have no idea the number of myriad democrats that turned republican on that fated day.” “’No one is going to slap my country the way my daddy beat me as a child,” is the psyche of ruling politicians here. Truly these are little weenies with trophy wives, who are only interested in controlling and adopting America as daddy to get recognition from their institutions and now the world. What’s does an 11 year-old want? He wants more allowance or money from daddy. The markets spreading around the world is as crazy as the drug cartels. In the 80s and still today, US senators own marijuana and Coca plant fields in Mexico and Central America.” “These men who have the perspective of 11 year-old boys are powerful only by their bank accounts. American pharmaceutical industry is an alternative to mind control. These men give their 12 year-old children antidepressants when in reality they are mentally more mature than their parents. When they think out of the box, these kids are transferred to another school.” “These little weenie men in DC want me to run for mayor so they control me and shut me up. They want to seduce me with the power they offer. By the way according to your definition of freedom- thinking out of the box, I am free. The moralists from Georgetown call me truth to power.”

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“It has become so exhausting as a medium to absorb the pain of these men, who do not wish to learn how to live or love. It starts by them knowing themselves. They tell me about their past, so I can be their first good friend ever. In return, I too would love them no matter who they are and be a true friend.” “The more I know, the more paranoid they get. Then they try to disapprove my methods and they think I have a terminal disease. These are the perspectives of men who think like 11 year-old boys looking for love who have made me their daddy, Then I tell them I got through to them because I am more like the mommy of love they wished they had. After we got past that, I say they need to talk about their opinions man to man. They can state their opinions, but they can’t debate since they have the psyche of 11 year old children.” “These politicians in DC have trophy wives that are the second or third in line. They hate work and they blame their employees because they don’t know how to lead. They hire managers with 10 year-old mentalities so they can feel superior. On the hill, they hire the young 24 year-old that happen to have morality. If this little intern won’t do him favors and she scolds him for his affairs, he just gives her a raise.” “In our schools, we don’t teach thinking. Wealthy children go to Ivy League schools. Their parents give their professors used BMW or Merced Benz. In exchange their kids get the high grades. These rich parents tell their children’s psychology professors, “Tell me my kid is smart. If you don’t let him graduate who would continue the profession?”” “Everyone in the US wants to major in money. They take up finance, international economics, accounting or they take a major to become a tax attorney. We have 200 instead if 2000 universities teaching liberal arts now, teaching students how to think. When

123 MARLENE AGUILAR these students wanted to protest against the Iraqi war, they were told they would never graduate.” “The computer destroys love and feelings for life for the land of opportunity. These people have never been men of power in the military. One senator said it well, ‘they volunteer for the armed forces because their high school scores were too low.’” “My Chinese lover said in southern China they were raised to respect public servants. Her landlord was a firefighter. He did not cash three rent checks from her. One day, he brought them to her bedroom, ripped them up and said to her, “Now we know you did not rent my room to pay rent.” She moved in with me that weekend. I told her some public servants in America are at the bottom of the barrel. They can’t do anything but follow orders and follow rules like children. Also like children, when no one is looking they do what they please. That’s the story of America.” “American politicians have a license to steal the souls of the poor. They have adulterated power. All these men really want is love. They would know it. But when love gets close, they run in fear.” “Wow. What a great gift. You have given me the psyche of politicians in DC. Now, I feel I have entered their homes when they were little children. I saw them afraid of their fathers’ disappointments. I saw them as little boys distant from their cold mothers, the trophy wives who exist to satiate a never-ending hunger for consumption” “I feel like I have listened into their private conversations with their wives and children inside the privacy of their homes. I feel like I have crept into their hotel rooms and listened to them speak with their concubines. I feel like I watched them at work with their poor and trembling staff unable to comprehend the minds of men who grew up so unloved. They are forever lost in this matrix.” “Because of the narrative you wrote above, I now see the

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Brotherhood of self-important men who rule Washington DC in a different light. I could have never gotten the information you gave me from the likes of Caesar and Gabriel. Thank you!” “About the part inside you I could hate. It is the part that destroys your relationships. Our minds and spirits have fused. And the chemistry inspires me.” “You wrote, by the way according to my definition of freedom- thinking out of the box, you are free.’ Yes, you have freedom, but not total freedom. Nothing owns me at this point Dick. I’ve confronted all my fears. Like the Buddhist oracles said, ‘I’ve achieved wisdom and omnipotence above all mankind.’” “I’m going to sleep. Let me wake up with more narrative from you. Share with me your mind. I love it. Again, thank you. Good night darling one.” “I have no fears my dear. I think I still know some of yours. That’s not appropriate for me to say now. You are a writer. Your soul is in script. I have to read every book you’ve written before I can speak about you personally.” “You fear to lose yourself totally in another. You have never completely shared yourself totally with anyone. You have never jumped into the abyss.” “You are an academe. And the part of you that is an academe is in the box and has never known freedom. You have passion, passion that is so held back. You hold yourself back. In so many ways, you’ve never really lived. Whereas, I’ve done more living than most people could in ten lifetimes. No, you do not know total freedom. You have never felt full detachment from this existence. And you have fears. Otherwise, why would you hide your face, hide yourself from the world.” “I jumped at 25 with this 21 year-old who aborted our child. I

125 MARLENE AGUILAR entered the abyss again at 30. This woman of 25 moved back to Munich. At first, if I said stay, she would. First, she kept coming back. I was too angry. My third lover was an Asian dancer. She probably still is. She lives here in DC. She had eating disorders and severe problems with all men. She has since married and divorced the man she met before me. She is now with acupuncturist who was always envious of me.” “I refuse to be with people with certain problems like those with eating disorders and issues with their parents. People like that have no self-concept. I have accepted only recently that a woman for me must be over 40. I know a few girls now who are in their 20’s. I could, but I don’t want to consciously bring a child into such a world. I don’t think a new baby is in the cards for me now. I know what you will say. Fear. No, I have chosen the loving consciousness of a female who wishes to have a love affair till death. Again, the hiding of face on Facebook is an element of rebellion and a sign to people that the one fear I do not have, that most people do is, I don’t care for notoriety, fame or even being known by anyone.” “We have both lived, just on different planes of existences. I have gotten more thanks and joy and understanding from hundreds of people on a very personal basis. They would do anything to have me near. It is true. I have avoided much pain and suffering. I thank my emotionally abusive past and the people in it, for teaching me who to not share my love with. I do not want stardom or money. I love the secrets people hide or do not tell those who are close to them.” “In America, I feel the only ones that I can be close to are the poor. Money and notoriety in this country destroy love. People who have it become sitting ducks for other empty elites to take pot shots at. Oh I got your secret now. You harass me and I reveal more and more. I would tell you everything without any harassment.”

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“I have no Skype. You are the first or third, I might like to have it for. I move like a snail. I am a born Buddhist. The kind of living you have had is oh so full , you are right. I wonder whether you would ever want to be a lifetime companion of love to any man.” “I wonder whether you could live in a cave with me. Not only the abyss of physical intimacy, but a need for nothing else at all, no notoriety, no people to help, no FB, no Skype or people other than me or your partner.” “I am. This is because I have lived the life of the soul with nothing else. I have spent a month not speaking or reading. I have spent a month without contact with anything or anyone but the sky, trees and air. I have spent a month with only rest, food and feeling my nature and Nature. That’s it.” “The name calling will get tiring for me eventually. I have nothing to prove to you or anyone. I don’t know why, but I sense more loneliness with you than I. And you have a child. You have such awareness of your past .Do you have the kind of forgiveness that allows you to let go the way I described? I would love to share this with you and yes before that happens, we would have to share real time together, Skype, phone or visit. Please don’t take anything I said with irritation.” “I do not know you at all. I know many, very, very well that I do not help at all. These are my comrades and some family members. These are friends in Maine. Not all are as enlightened and free as I, but again freedom in a culture of no name, for some is difficult. Not with me.” “This narrative you’ve written is the most beautiful you’ve written so far. Those before this had different feeling to them all together. Amazing. What you wrote is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Unlike your writings earlier, another part of you wrote it. Your inner self

127 MARLENE AGUILAR wrote this one. You wrote it from your core. You said, ‘you have lived the life of the soul with nothing else. You spent a month not speaking, reading or in contact with anything but the sky, trees and air.’ I did that when I was 15. That was when I achieved detachment from the material world. That was when I became a vegetarian. That was when I meditated for hours in the mountain every day. That was when I found a state of bliss. That is like going from a state of being on earth to a state of being in heaven.” “Gautama achieved enlightenment like this as well. But he refused to return back to earth. He could have stopped suffering and war during his time, but he refused to abandon his state of Nirvana. In that state he no longer cared for the affairs of petty mortal beings. He had gone to another plane of existence. He didn’t want to return to the world of men. I did. The oracles that have guided me for over 20 years say this is my last life on earth. I have completed the circle. From a state of bliss, I came back to this matrix to endure pain and suffering once more.” “I don’t like my fame, Dick. I’m crying now typing this. The image of me on FB is what the young nation wants to see. I have to inspire them so I can lead them to the light. It’s partly an acting job for me. I have become an icon of hope and courage to so many people here. If you read WOH you will see my arguments with the oracles at a time when I could not accept my fate. I couldn’t accept that one day I would lead this country. They said a Philippine Renaissance is possible only through me.” “I never wanted to be famous. I am the most private person. I am happiest tending the earth. I am happiest planting and giving life to nature. Now look at me. I am part of the circus.” “Let me ask you this about your relationships. Have you ever

128 MIRROR OF MIND with any of them had a relationship where you could express all yourselves? I mean, have you ever had a relationship with any woman where you could show all your color and express your every thought? That’s what I meant when I said you haven’t jumped into the abyss.” “After my father died, I didn’t want to visit his grave for 13 years. I was 16 when he died. Every year, all my family would visit the cemetery on All Souls’ Day. It’s part of our culture. However, I refused to go. I spent so many years hating him for hurting me and hurting my siblings. Then one day, I told myself that if I were to judge him for his bad deeds, then I should also judge him for his good deeds. So, I went back into time and looked back. It was then I realized my father loved me as well, and he loved me with all his might. It was then I realized that sometimes love comes with hate. It was then I could forgive my father and let go. After that, I learned that my greatest fear in this life was to trust another being completely. And I told myself I refused to leave this matrix until I confronted it. I’ve had relationships with men before that. But I only let them see what I wanted them to see. I never bared my soul to anyone. So, I decided I would. I decided that the next man I fell in love with I would trust completely. Coming from a violent background like mine, that is very difficult. But I did. And you know what? It hurt like I never imagined. I experienced pain I never thought was possible. But today I am free. I am whole. I could go into any situation knowing whatever happens I will remain whole. I know now that my ability to trust in another equals my ability to trust myself.” “As far as the name calling, forget it pussy willow. That is again the part of you that is still owned by your past. You are not free from the pain of your past. I swear, one day I’ll give you a headlock.

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I’ll squeeze your windpipe to voodoo all these limitations you have. And let go of the child in you. Let him live. That way you’ll have some sense of humor. You’ll be a lot more interesting than you are now.” “Loneliness? No. I am the most positive person on earth. I spoke to my younger sister Tess yesterday. She just read my latest book. She told me after reading it, she felt grateful and blessed. She said she couldn’t complain about the painful events in her life because what I have gone through is so extreme. It’s not loneliness. Maybe it’s pain you sense. Except for eight years, most of my life has been bizarre and very painful. So, there is a part of me within that is forever lamenting and in tears. Moreover, I have no emotional baggage. I am free” “Don’t get me wrong, the other side of pain is bliss. I have experienced great joy as well. My life is beautiful despite the pain. I wouldn’t exchange it for the world. Or maybe, you mistake my reaching out to you as loneliness. It isn’t. My mind grows at an amazing speed. You’re reading Warriors of Heaven, which I wrote around four years ago. Believe me, in mind and spirit, I’ve grown light years since.” “Anyway, there are very few of us in this world. We are such a rare breed of humans. Of course I’d reach out to you, not because I’m lonely but because I know that minds like yours are hard to find. It’s like food that is out of this world. Of course, I want to taste it. Why shouldn’t I? That’s how I feel about your mind and your spirit as well. I want to bask in it. So there.” “Listen to me, pussycat, the name-calling comes with my adoration for you. So quit the whining and grow up!” “You asked me, “Do you have the kind of forgiveness that allows you to let go the way I described?”

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“My first husband was murdered by Marcus, who was a CIA operative. He was my former lover and mentor. My son Jason was only two years when his father died. I was bonded to my first husband with my soul. At night, he guided me into trance. Our spiritual connection was so deep; our union was beyond the understanding of mortal men. He offered me sanctuary from my violent world. Because of me, that world caught up with him. He died in the process. After that, I died. And I remained dead to the world for many years.” “Still, I couldn’t harm Marcus. I forgave him. I never wished him ill. There is only one kind of love for me - unconditional love. And I am not capable of hurting those I love. I can only walk away. My love comes with forgiveness.” “BTW, send me a PO box address so I could send you the hardcopy of Warriors of Heaven.” “Question - Why is being honest with you competing with you? You should know this about me. I don’t compete with the world. I only compete with myself.” “You see, if you had total freedom and total confidence, you wouldn’t accuse me of competing with you. And you wouldn’t mind the name-calling. If you were free, you’d just enjoy my presence in your life. If you had true wisdom, you will see that my presence in your life will include yin and yang, and all else in between.” “You still have yet to learn that when you decide to love someone, you accept that being completely, just as you accept yourself completely. You love the person completely inside and out through yin and yang, vice versa and beyond. That’s love, Dick, love you have not experienced.” “BTW, I wrote Warriors of Heaven to free people from mental slavery. When you’re done reading it, you’d love me more.”

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“I realize you don’t understand this concept but the soul is multi- faceted,- and it exists in parallel realities. You and I were always meant to connect in this matrix so we could guide each other. We are soul consorts, forever entwined through space and time. So, if nothing else, we will be friends for the rest of this journey.” “These are the most beautiful and intimate sharing’s of yours too. I THOUGHT, maybe you would get angry and delete me from your FB account.” “Forget Thatcher. Try Ghandi as a role for your country or a combination of both.” “I wish I could comb your hair magically and gently, such that your face reflects your angelic soul. Can you be a sea nymph as well as dragon? Yes I have only been myself in relationships. I am always free when sexually engaged with a partner. I am learning a new freedom now. It has been a while.” “I have had torrid evenings. I’ve had no relationship for too long. I scare even the strongest women with my comfort, self-disclosure and opinion about the pettiness of life. Most of what they look forward to is material. I want nothing to do with that. I usually say if it costs money, it’s not intimate. Food, dance, sharing feelings, and being authentic are what I want.” “Do you ever think these bouts of, ‘I will put you in a headlock to bring out your child’ is what you wished to do to your father? I am as childlike as a pussycat in person, in love and in relationships. I probably am in doubt about you. Maybe that’s why I was being less frank. We only met a month ago. I don’t really take machines as real. You are more real than any woman I have met, but I have not met you.” “I have had much emotional abuse and stalking and even physical assaults from lovers who I stayed with too long. Those were the

132 MIRROR OF MIND ones that could not express their opinions as well as you. So they use anger, hysteria and destruction to express their emotions. I gave up. I choose individual bliss. BY the way, I thought that was the last life, reaching individual bliss. NOT the last life of a warrior.” “Is this an east west thing or are your oracles guiding you to do what they cannot? I just want to cradle your eyes in the bliss of my warmth and bring this individual bliss to you in a sharing that is one. That is if in person our chemistry is as good as this. I really want nothing to do with this material world.” “You wrote, ‘Do you ever think these bouts of, ‘I will put you in a headlock to bring out your child’ is what you wished to do to your father?’ No, that statement has nothing to do with my father. You see, as a child I fought him with all my might. I have no unfinished business with my father. That relationship has come full circle. It is complete. That was the statement of Meilee, the warrior in me. She just wants you to know that physically, she is your superior.” “Why should I not have bliss being a warrior? Bliss has to do with inner peace and balance within. I could have bliss as a farmer as well. The act you perform in this matrix is separate from the world inside you. My role here is but one of endless roles I’m performing in various probable realities. However, my soul remains constant and at peace will all that is.” “Please read this:” “’The narrative of your garden in Blue Ridge and property in Sterling is so vivid, it sends me into a reverie. Its incredible how you succeed in allowing the reader a glimpse into this tranquil beauty that you surround yourself with, yet you live amid sheer turmoil.’” “’I quote you out of context, but in one sentence you sum it up so well. The ambiance in my home is magic.’” “‘My eyes welled up in tears when I got to Lost in Shadows. Oh

133 MARLENE AGUILAR my, I just want to hug her tight. Maya is so perceptive for her age.’” “’Great ending to close with, because it touches on the three men that have played major roles in the very essence of your being.’” “‘Rob healed me from the cruelty I suffered from my father’s hands. But it was Steve who showed me love I did not know existed.’ “Kudos for another fascinating book.” Josephine Queipo wrote that, commenting on the last chapter of The Key, book 5 of my life- stories. “I live surrounded by magic, Dick, magic that exudes from my soul. How could you possibly grasp that when you are besieged by America’s materialistic and diseased society?” “What the oracles see in the tarot is only confirmation of what I already know. I know my fate better than they do. I have never met any soul older than mine in this matrix.” “The I’m not lonely post makes me want to hug you so hard, even I wouldn’t breathe. Tee hee. Now, a tear just popped from my left eye. Don’t you wish you had a comrade with brains and spirit called your partner, to lie by your side every night and help brush you off, kiss you in the morn, then you go rescue the world? That is what I am looking for.” “I know you aren’t lonely. You have a soul self-definition. That means you live in the hereafter and in reality, no loneliness in the hereafter.” “You wrote, “That is if in person our chemistry is as good as this.” The best part of any union is the spiritual and the mental relationship. And our mental and spiritual union has been forged since time began. That is eternal, Dick. That has nothing to do with the physical form. The validity of our existence has nothing to do with our bodies. That’s just extras.” “We are kindred souls. Our souls have known each other always.

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Our souls are connected beyond. That’s why there is magic in our dialogue. It comes automatically, because it has always been there.” “You have given me so much joy, it’s amazing. I love your mind and spirit. But then, I have always loved your mind and spirit. Okay, enough sugar. Let’s fight!” “All your gifts will rise now. They will reach a level you have not seen before. That’s because our energy has fused. We have crossed a path in this matrix. Therefore, you and I will never be the same again. We will both grow from here on. Please send me an address where I could send you a hard copy of Warriors of Heaven. BTW, I don’t like Ghandi. He was a charlatan!” “Oh Dick, I hate my fame because I’d rather just hide away. But that is not the reason I am here. I’m in tears now I can’t even see the screen. I cry for dumb and ignorant mankind. My life? I am immortal. My soul is immortal. Would I sacrifice the death of my body to purify the evil that reigns in this world? I would take a thousand bullets a thousand times.” “By the way, why hate your fame?! I love it. As long as you do it, I could. It’s very hard to do it alone. Fame. Belushi, Joplin, Hendrix. A senator’s wife told me that every politician needs an escort. Most of these politicians’ wives understand the marriage is about the parties, the fame and the limelight. They don’t care if there are affairs.” “This marriage is for the country. I have always wanted to be the house lover for someone like Mariah Carey and Kourtney Kardashian. I never thought I’d meet a real live political rebel who would sacrifice her life for the salvation of her nation. You rule Marlene. In DC you would be my support idealistically, with your fame in Manila. I have listed my credibility because I am now in my 50’ s pronouncing my radical ideas and still single. I am labeled homoerotic, narcissistic, hedonistic and selfish. I am none.”

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“I have become the Socrates of politics and want nothing of their respect anymore. When I met the scene, I was 27. They all thought I’d marry one of the secretaries who ran a child abuse foundation or an ex wife of a fallen representative, and then run for politics myself. Get my drift. They too loved my intellect, but hated the mirror I provide. You help me think so clear dear. I love your mind and your intellect too.” Let me intrude a moment to comment. Wow. I honestly do not care for the two women Dick mentioned above. If one of my sons brought any of those women to my home, I’d put a black spell on her and turn her into the earth’s fertilizer. “You would make a perfect mental and spiritual aid for someone like me. But you will have to be sanctioned by those protecting me. Men more powerful than those in DC secure my future. They are watching closely.” “Quit the whining and grow up would be fully acceptable because I would want to suck your skin and bite you if you said it to me in person. However, words on a screen make me either frustrated or I think maybe my mom has an alter identity on FB and has created it just so she can say it to me again. It is a direct quote from most adults especially from Moms and Dads. I know it’s because you like me. You woke me up to that fact days ago.” “I wish the two girls that got pregnant could have said stop whining and grow up. The Chinese one did. She said grow up and help me float the fetus down the river. She said she never felt closer to me. Yet she could not be aggressive when defending herself. She could only defend her dead fetus. I am really seeing you don’t have that problem and I love you for it. It is very arousing. XOXXXOXO.” “I am now liking it when you say, “you don’t understand this concept’ because it means you can probably teach me more about it.

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I know a woman can feel the future and past lives better, but it takes august. When I am Gautama and I don’t speak or work, I will feel and see past and future. As I just said that, I have vowed to seek that vision during my first walk in spring very soon. You will help me. We will be guides for life, if you don’t cave in or get angry. Hehe.” “What’s new pussycat? Oh wu oh wu oh wu. What’s new pussycat? We are the dragon and the pussycat. I love this pet name. XX.” “Let go you say. Do I have to repeat myself always with you? You are sometimes good at expression, but you have difficulty in believing. We both have this fault, but I am aware of it and I try not to miss a hitch. My memory, long and short is excellent.” “Let go because I don’t believe you have confronted the void. And I have conquered it countless of times.” “One of the best lovers I had was amazed that we could eat, drink, be merry and lose weight. We shared the heat, the warmth, the openness with no need to say much. We also communicated at its best. She was Peruvian. She had been molested and raped by her uncle. She had nude paintings by her father in her bedroom. She had many bouts of anger. Then she had an epilepsy attack while we were on vacation in Miami. She got embarrassed. She called the police to get rid of me. It was too much trouble.” Let me interrupt your reading for a moment. During this time and after he wrote the last two paragraphs, Dick and I were on line talking to each other. When suddenly the narrative I sent him started disappearing from the screen. These were paragraphs I wrote after the sentence, “They are watching closely.” We continue. “My god. Dick, I sent you several messages. I don’t see them on the screen now.” “They are the world. Trained in fear. Gotta laugh at it. We are the sorcerers. Read quickly, Teehee.”

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“Did you read what I wrote? I’m afraid they would get you out of my life like they did with Dwayne. This is not funny. I’ve seen them do it. My messages to you keep failing to send now.” “I lost them. No, I did not read them. I was almost finished with reading last night’s posts. Wait and see. I know when I finish reading your writings; they will make me love you more. They would love me. All do. But who the hell are they? Wow.” “Again, lets wait till tomorrow and send less. This is probably a trip in computer that is set by your activity. Just wait till I finish answering old posts Patience girl. I am Ghandi. “Please don’t say you are Ghandi. That fag makes me want to vomit. I am answering other messages on FB now with no problem. I am only having this problem with you.” “All my characters in WOH have disappeared except for Caesar and Gabriel. I believe the latter has been given the gag order. So he’s not really talking to me anymore. They told Howard Marks that if he ever speaks to me again, the CIA would put him back in jail. We stopped talking July 2009, I haven’t spoken to him since.” “Because of this ‘games within games within games’ these power brokers play, I cannot count how many people have died in the last three years because of the case involving my son and me. I’d say the death toll here is over 150. And death continues.” “Things are getting hairy here too. Blank screens show up when I press reply, deleting my posts. It’s time to take a break. I will read chapter 2. I finished chapter 1. I have no notoriety.” “Dick, do you even have any idea WHO I WAS before you started speaking to me?” “Believe me, I am real. I had no idea who you were.” “They can send posts that are not ours. Turn us against each other. Professional hackers. Now I can’t get to older messages where the

138 MIRROR OF MIND chapters to WOH are. Send them again, just chapters one and two.” “In case you lose me here, find me on my websitewww. marleneaguilar.com Here is my mobile. Please write it down. I’m afraid they will block you from talking to me real soon. I had no idea you didn’t know. I have given them my terms. I thought you had clearance. If you don’t they will strike you out. BTW, everything I told you is true. Please know that. I know they could turn us against each other. I’ve been in ‘their’ world since I was 16.” “You inspire me. You bring me joy. You bring me light. I pray they won’t take you away.” “Maybe they would allow a male high priest to be in my court in the future. After all, I don’t see that you are homicidal like me. I don’t think you’re dangerous like me.” “Thank you. Can you give me your address or do you think that not wise. I want Skype now.” “I live in Blue Ridge A Proj. 4, Quezon City.” “Will they read what I send by mail? What is project 4?” “To the best of my knowledge they have marked me since 1997. It has to do with predictions from centuries past that at this time on earth, a warrior queen born in the eastern star will rise into fame. And she will once again sit on the throne of Isis. They believe that reincarnated warrior queen to be me.” “They say this warrior will bear the numbers 6 6 6. Others say she will bear the numbers 6 9 6 to fool the world. The Illuminati bears the numbers 6 9 6. Those numbers represent my DOB. I was born on the on June 19 in the 60’s, 6 9 6.” “So they have boxed you in proj.4?” “NO. Project 4 was built after WW2 for local high-ranking military. I bought property here because it is the only village in the city that is old and traditional. It embraces the old Filipino ways,

139 MARLENE AGUILAR not the modern ways. There are old trees and the people here are more country-like. Children wander freely on the streets. The other gated communities in Metro Manila are so sanitized, they remind me of hospitals.” “Figures, you’re a Gemini. Well, they have repressed me. I don’t want to die for the Philippines. Maybe US, but even then I like my food too much. Maybe it’s time to fast. I’m not good at small talk.” “They watch everything I do to make sure no one gets in the path against their agenda. I fought them all I could. I spent my savings in the last three years fighting them and my government wasting 3 million US dollars. And still they won’t let me go. So I gave them the best terms I could summon and told them if that wasn’t good enough then they should just put a bullet through my head. But like Jones’ said, ‘I am winning.’ I believe they have accepted my conditions.” “My fate is not only about the Philippines. Now you’re making me laugh. What do you mean small talk? Do you call this small talk? BTW, here’s a photo of my pool and garden.” “These people are military? What do they feel about you? How far away is the next neighbor? This looks like an Italian villa. Since I have a Jesus complex, maybe I can visit in August for my retreat and be tortured in the streets as an example to the townsmen to stay away from you. Will they let you doctor me later, like Mary Magdelene cared for Jesus?” “It seems they don’t want you to be aroused either. It seems Caesar, the man in control will always want you as a bird in his cage. Esoteric pleasure for a narcissist.” “No. The people in my village are no longer military. There may be four families that are military here out of over 200 homes. Jesus, they couldn’t afford living here.”

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“Small talk is nothing intimate. I’m glad I can make you laugh, but it would seem to me, they would love to have you disappear and give up your cause and your presence there.” “Caesar couldn’t put me in a cage. He wouldn’t even if he could. If they wanted me dead, I would not have been able to write five books. On the contrary, they protect me. Why should they kill me? I haven’t served my purpose.” “I am your high priest who wants to keep you happy and quiet in the cradle of my arms in a cave, away from all this .I am an iconoclast. I want nothing to do with this world. I want no politics.” “BTW, I know exactly when I am going to die. I have always known.” “Your purpose to them is to show the people you are on their side?” “I think ‘they’ will let us talk because they wanted to see how YOU would see me. Dick, the world is about to turn. The Vatican Church will go down. US and China will clash. WW3 is near. As the oracles stated many years ago, my fate affects the future of mankind and the earth. How did you find me anyway?” “Why me? Again, I have no notoriety, do I?” “Who suggested that you talk to me? You are clairvoyant. You feel more than most. The communication we have had gives them information about me they have not seen before.” “Please tell me how you found me.” “If you can’t tell me how you found me, then say so.” “My destiny and I are one and the same. And I was not born to live a quiet life.” “I just tried to explain how I found you and it was erased.” “It happened again.” “Believe me, I fought like hell to get out. I have put my life on the

141 MARLENE AGUILAR line and the lives of those I love on the line. Still they won’t let me go. I had two choices - die or make a deal with them. So I gave them my terms.” “So did ‘someone’ suggest that you check me out on FB? Yes or no.” “How did you know about me?” “Doesn’t work that way.” “I pressed your picture next to a post of yours. We have a mutual friend on FB.” “Weird.” ““Do you know Amelia? She’s in Russia.” Amelia is using a fake account. She’s not in Russia.” “So it was all an accident? JFC!!!” “No, it was my intention to react to your profound post.” “Ameila talks about how she hates men.” “OMG! It was all fate? Jesus. I thought you had clearance.” “I do get into places others can’t find. High priest. Why are you so scared about clearance?” I don’t think Amelia has a fake account. This is power of Internet. Never know who, when. “Amelia uses a fake account so her family doesn’t see her posts on FB. What’s wrong with you? These are my soul kids. She’s one of them. Each one has at least half a dozen fake accounts.” “There was a point at which FB blocked me and made me agree never to make friends of strangers again.” “I would never speak about anything you tell me to anyone. That’s not me. I turn the cheek. Anything dangerous, I split. That’s me. So you know Amelia. I spoke to her on the live realm.” “My chat box is closed. I don’t do that with my supporters. “I am also friends with Precy. Should I stop posting to these two?” “Why should you stop posting to these people?

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“Please explain, I do not want to jeopardize them.” “Internet is a world that has its own reality. Jeopardize whom? Most people do not matter, Dick. Only very few will ever find enlightenment.” “Why do you think you’d even jeopardize anyone? I do not understand.” “Whatever. Oh sorry. You don’t like that. I know now, that is my response to small talk. Whatever means that last statement was not a statement. I do that with sports games too. Did you catch me suggesting that calling jersey basketball players whiners and having a slug fest is ethnic bashing?” “Stop talking to me about sports! I know nothing about them. My father made sure I stayed away from dumb jocks.” “Kudos to your father on that one. Sports and gambling are public enemies no. 1. Part of my agenda is to end competition and start the cooperative nurturing mind. It is at the core of male thinking and master slave mentality.” “My father made sure I grew up hating gambling. Casinos make me sick.” “These kids talk to me. I know you added Precy recently.” “Why were you upset suddenly? Now, I am seeing the part of you that destroys your relationships. The dark side of you comes out.” “Why is that the dark side? Your girls help me advise the girls I know here in their 20’s.” “Really? You chat with young girls on FB so they could help you counsel lost souls? I think that’s BS. I counsel many members of the young nation. I have always counseled troubled people, young and old. When my son’s friends from school had no one else to turn to, they came crying to me. But I don’t befriend younger men on FB so they could help me counsel others.”

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“These girls you mentioned from my wall you befriended are lost. So if you reach out to them to help you with your counseling that would be like the blind leading the blind. I also counsel many troubled members of the young nation. But I do not chase young men on FB just so I could talk to them on the chat box so they could help me with counseling. I give troubled people advice from my own personal experience.” “I believe there’s a need in you to reach out to these people because you are attracted to young girls. I don’t chat with any of my supporters on real time. Out of tens of thousands of supporters, I find only a handful worth talking to. And I don’t chase them. They chase me.” “You were probably pleased these girls on my page complemented you. Many of them would flirt with every male Caucasian on my wall. They’re searching for white men who would save them from poverty.” “If you are a political prisoner of sorts, don’t you jeopardize everyone you talk to? I am just trying to get us back to the deeper talk and get you to lighten up.” “A political prisoner? Are you insane? I travel abroad more than most people. I am where I am because I chose to be here.” “But you cannot leave and you cannot go to your home near Boston ever. You are right. I know nothing of truly fighting the system. I just talk and write. I used to have some influence on politicians, but now that I am wiser, they don’t like my politics.” “I spent two months in Grand Turk 6 months ago. I spent a week in Bali, Indonesia in December. I can go to the US if I want. I just don’t trust some forces there.” “You should know, I am not a politician. I will never be one. I am a revolutionary.”

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“I can be naive at times. Remember the priest complex. What does the fall of the church have to do with China and US war? That was interesting. I always thought this move to end religion by the Jewish lobbyists was to maintain Israel. It would end the Muslims and Asian religions for more capitalism in these countries. What do you think?” “Why would the end of the Vatican affect Muslims and Asian religions? If anything, the fall of the Vatican would send trauma in the hearts and souls of their over one billion followers giving them the chance to start believing in the greatest faith of all, which is self- belief.” “BTW, I do not fear death, Dick. I have faced it too many times.” “Is your cause to simply overthrow the Philippine president and then you are free?” “No. That’s just the beginning. My fate is not that simple.” “One day China will attack the Philippines. Then the Philippines will ask the US to defend it. The following day WW3 is born. The fall of The Vatican church is an agenda that was masterminded a long time ago. So is WW3.” “Who else would be on the Chinese side, Russia only?” “Russia, North Korea, certain countries in the Middle East, parts of Africa and Latin America.” “Do you have a date? Yes, I see, this is intense. May be time to go work out. Breakfast at least. You are on the Philippines’ side, so why be afraid of forces here?” “Because DC is divided.” After this last statement, I sent Dick the letter I sent Wes Penre with the essay entitled, A New World. After reading the article, he wrote me. “Now I know more about how I have illuminated you. I have a

145 MARLENE AGUILAR story to tell you about this division in DC, you talk about. Since these narcissistic warmongers have rejected me, I have studied the nuts and bolts of the psychology of their infantilism. They truly are monster children with monster childhood. They hate men. They hate mankind and themselves. They live with serious pain in their chest, stomachs and hearts. When they reach seventy, these men’s colons and prostates become cancerous. This is why they want the miracles of pharmaceutical life for themselves.” “Let me tell you about these top brass politicians in DC. They are closet homosexuals and paranoid schizophrenics. They hide their materialism by having cold and shitty houses without the comfort of a home. They boast about their duty to god, country and family. They think their children are boring and materialistic. They worship anyone with a medical or economics degree. They buy a new car because one of their peers did. They brag about their brand new car’s comfortable seats and how it benefits their backs. I am now thinking of the movie V for Vendetta. These are men who need to be illuminated.” “What I want to enlighten you about these men is that they have never cared for a living soul.” “I convinced them they would never go to heaven because they only follow the Ten Commandments. I told them the Ten Commandments are the morality of a 12 year-old. Morality of others, politics and economics were all what they talked about because I was the safe hippie priest from New Jersey who would probably end up retiring with his mother.” “I was safe until they understood my sanctity. They declared their Jewish, episcopal and born again Christian agnosticism during tea parties. I was safe until they understood my sanctity. I told them agnostic Jews are just like the born again Christians in their attitudes

146 MIRROR OF MIND toward mankind. Then their stomachs got more upset. I became a source of anxiety instead of their healer.” “The day their candidate Romney spoke of the 43%, I told them that on SS and Medicare; they were a part of the scum of America that are unemployed. These men still work because their duty megalomania farces them too. I told them they were the scum for not profit sharing. When I said I was a Christ who was a socialist that was it.” “HE’S HURTING ME,” they cried to their wives. “He must have hated his father,” they told their wives. “No,” I said to the wives. For a Catholic, as I give up on a race of people as you call them greedy, was huge. I gave up my father complex and now I want to retire and give it up. Weeks ago I suggested to my mother I would sell the house, travel and live like a gypsy, and jump. NO problem. I’m not afraid of death and I don’t’ want to live in an immoral world. Then you cracked open.” “A friend of mine 62, hippie but also a megalomaniac narcissist came to protest the pipeline on global warming. He led 13-25 year- olds who probably know more about Illuminati than me. But his social life is another story. He saw my enlightenment. We will see.” “Dear pussycat, I believe you are in my life for a vital reason. You have to understand the forces of yin and yang to understand the world. So there.” “ROAR says the dragon in her hissy fit. We will set a time I can call. Secret agent man is signing off - BLEEP BLEEP. I know now why we are sanctioned. BLEEP.” “You do have some sense of humor. And I see you have different faces as well. BTW, you have provided me some insights that I find amazing. I want you to know I deeply appreciate your openness.”

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“I want you to know certain things. I became the lover of a top CIA operative at age 16. I have been monitored by the US almost all my life, because of my background. I went to the top university here called University of the Philippines. I lasted up to the second semester. Then one day I walked out of the classroom and never returned. I hate structured education. Prior to that, I was one of a group of selected students in high school that were chosen to participate in an experiment sponsored by the former dictator of the Philippines, Ferdinand Marcos. There were 24 of us all together in our class. There were two groups like this. At age 16, I went to college. And the first thing I did was I joined the underground movement to overthrow the president or have him assassinated. So it wasn’t difficult for my ex CIA lover to turn me into his asset. He later named me Black Widow.” “Anyway, you’ll have to read my books to even begin to understand where I’m coming from. I’m writing this so you understand. When you came to my wall and began engaging, I doubted you. First of all, on FB when someone has no photo on his profile, that’s usually a fake account.” “I asked you earlier on where you read my writings. You didn’t answer. So I thought you were dishonest. Then you said, you ‘knew the DC culture.” Then I thought someone sent you to engage with me. When I asked to speak to you via Skype, you dodged it. After that, my suspicions grew. But, when strange things began to happen on the screen yesterday because the US NSA started screwing with our conversation, I realized you were not sanctioned. No one sent you. It was all fate.” “Still, I want you to know that I am very grateful our spirits met. I have seen at least three of your faces since. It’s interesting how you can change personalities. Anyway, you are still here. And I am still

148 MIRROR OF MIND able to write you. They haven’t blocked you like ‘Dwayne’ who was removed from FB two hours after he engaged with me.” “Again, thank you for finding me.” “It was fated my lovely dragon. Is the girl in the recent pic this morning your step or blood daughter? She is so magically beautiful. The two of you look blood related. A girl child for you would be so important. I am sensitive to young girls because I am close to my younger sister, now 54. She is still living with my mother. I worry about her.” “I can see black widow. I am glad I did not meet you when you were younger. I have met some black widows. Yes, it makes sense that you went to college at 16. You are well read. I like to joke with people by saying I am still in college! Why? MA PHD degrees are just like licenses in dysfunctions. Why? Specialization disrespects individuality. So if you have a problem, never listen to the answers of anyone with a higher degree. That is I guess what is meant by the school of hard knocks.” “I felt my younger sister’s pain most of my life. She taught me to be a woman’ s advocate. My older sis has been in a chosen box. I feel for her too, but she is older and it’s her choice.” “You and I, my dear dragon, together could help all young women, in all nations so they can avoid this pain of identification with society’ s norms and choose their individuality instead. This is the meaning of my life, promoting androgyny by illustrating how no one can be an individual with character, a self concept and meaning in life until the right side of the brain is understood more and promoted in schools.” “Arts trump sciences every time. I loved your comment on the 16th Century. Well the seventeenth was worse. The enlightenment created the categories of science made man adopt the box instead

149 MARLENE AGUILAR of the spirit. Kant, Einstein and Newton’s ideas were used against the society of individuals, to imprison them in categories. They were used by greedy moneymakers and moronic warmongers that never asked the question, ‘who and what am I in relation to the universe, the earth, life and death.” “I love what you say about nurturing the right side of the brain through education. I will bear that in mind. Also, don’t worry about me. I don’t listen to the system. And there are very few people in this matrix I listen to. Ultimately, I am my own god.” “The girl in the photo is Maya, my blood daughter. She has balance between her yin and her yang at such an early age. Her psychic gifts are strong as well. She is well read. She read 20 books in two months earlier this year. She’s now reading The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings.” “Dick, where I am going, I will stand alone. I will have Caesar and Gabriel with me, because I have chosen them to be with me. I trust them. There will be ‘trinity’ as the oracles foretold many years ago. However, you offer something no military man could offer me. You have the gift of ‘magic’. If I could spend some time with you, I could teach you how to command the forces of yin and yang, the forces of blackness and lightness, the forces of good and evil. I am what the oracles call a cosmic conduit. There are things, I can’t explain through this medium.” “Anyway, the father of Maya is my partner. He said to me once, ‘he had traveled the world to find the answer, only to find the answer in me.’ He told the media during an interview, ‘I have traveled to over a hundred countries and out of those I have worked in 36. I have worked with the top VIPs of international institutions including a dozen leaders of states. But I have never known anyone who can equal the mind and the capabilities of Marlene Aguilar.’”

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“That’s me, Dick. And what I know has nothing to do with structured education or the system. When the time comes, I want my partner and my daughter to leave the Philippines to a safe place. And I will remain here to fight.” “Tell me about your first sex.” “I will only tell you about my first sex if you do too. I’d rather tell you about my first true love. Believe or not I was 21. I had no sex with myself until it was over with her. I still am quite potent. Are you interested in a new daughter? That was a tease with love.” Only tell you about frst sex if you do too.” This is the part of“ you that has no freedom. You have never learned to trust completely. How sad. How sad, that someone like me comes into your life and yet you can’t just share with me your thoughts openly, as if your first sex is some great secret no one should know.” “I will tell you about my first sex. It was with a beautiful man who was half French, half Persian. I taught him English. He taught me Farsi. He had so much passion; I can still feel it today. He played beautiful music for me, music so magical I’d hear it in my heart forever. He caressed and worshipped my body for a year before we made love. And I remember the exact moment when he penetrated me. That moment was bliss.” “I told you that story so you could feel that the freedom I know is a world away from the freedom you claim you have. I realize this moment that we cannot talk openly, although you said earlier on I didn’t have to harass you for you to share with me your inner thoughts.” “I do not go after young boys on the Internet like you chase young girls. I’m not interested in talking to anyone unless they have exceptional minds. I was grateful you came because mentally you are above the others. However, since we can’t talk honestly and

151 MARLENE AGUILAR openly, I do not see why we should continue talking. So go back to chatting with your girls. You are welcome to hunt for them on my wall. I’m sure there are more than plenty looking for the attention of a white older man who could bring food on their table three times a day.” He doesn’t react to this statement. We continue. “So let me get this straight, your first husband was with the CIA? He was killed in the states. Is your present husband CIA?” “My first husband was not with CIA. He was killed by my ex- lover who worked for the CIA. Look, I’ve written five non-fiction novels regarding my life. My life is so complex from without. You’d have to read Warriors of Heaven and the other books for my life to even begin to make sense to you.” “You will have Gabriel and ____ in your life until it’s time to leave the country for WW3? But you are there to save your country. I can understand sleeping with the enemy to save your country, but are you sure these men who you have criticized in your books are not playing you to keep you quiet?” “We should be travelling the world trying to end the military industrial complex, right?” “The US is not my enemy. The US has never been my enemy.” “Keep me quiet? That’s not possible. Why would they keep me quiet? They love me and hate me partly because I am so outspoken. If they wanted me quiet, I’d be dead.” “On the contrary, I am probably the strongest ally the US has in this part of the world. However, they don’t own me. And they certainly can’t buy me. Like I said, everything under the sun is negotiable. So, I will negotiate.” “I will stay here during WW3. And I will survive WW3.” “I know I have to read all of your books now, before I can comment

152 MIRROR OF MIND anymore. So if for any reason you don’t like my comments, stick with me just to let me read. I am a friend of the secretary of ______. Maybe that’s why I have clearance. However, I personally want to bring all troops home. He would never be that radical. I am a true pacifist. I want to send all armaments and drones and titles of the armed services, medical, educational systems to another universe. I believe this needs to happen before all currency is worthless or we will be back to the wild, Wild West.” I left that space blank after the words “secretary of” on purpose. Why? I want to protect Dick’ friend’s identity. Here you can pick from the two choices below. According to Dick, he is a friend of one of these men: US Secretary of State, John Kerry US Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel According to Wikipedia: “The Secretary of State is a senior official in the Federal Government of the United States of America heading the Department of State, principally concerned with foreign affairs and is considered to be the U.S. equivalent of a foreign minister.” “The Secretary of State, appointed by the President with the advice and consent of the Senate, is a member of the President’s Cabinet, the National Security Council, and is the highest-ranking appointed executive branch official both in the presidential line of succession and the order of precedence.” On the other hand, Wikipedia states this about the US Secretary of Defense: “The Secretary of Defense (SecDef) is the leader and chief executive officer of the Department of Defense, an Executive Department of the Government of the United States of America. This position corresponds to what is generally known as a Defense Minister in

153 MARLENE AGUILAR many other countries. The Secretary of Defense is appointed by the President with the advice and consent of the Senate, and is by custom a member of the Cabinet and by law a member of the National Security Council.” “Secretary of Defense is a statutory office, and the general provision in 10 U.S.C. § 113 provides that the Secretary of Defense has “authority, direction and control over the Department of Defense,” and is further designated by the same statute as “the principal assistant to the President in all matters relating to the Department of Defense.” Ensuring civilian control of the military, an individual may not be appointed as Secretary of Defense within seven years after relief from active duty as a commissioned officer of a regular (i.e., non-reserve) component of an armed force.” “The Secretary of Defense is in the chain of command and exercises command and control, subject only to the orders of the President, over all Department of Defense forces (the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marine Corps) for both operational and administrative purposes. Only the Secretary of Defense (or the President) can authorize the transfer of operational control of forces between the three Military Departments (the departments of the Army, Navy, and Air Force) and the nine Combatant Commands (Africa Command, Central Command, European Command, Northern Command, Pacific Command, Southern Command, Special Operations Command, Strategic Command, Transportation Command). Because the Office of Secretary of Defense is vested with legal powers, which exceeds those of any commissioned officer, and is second only to the President in the military hierarchy, it has sometimes unofficially been referred to as a de facto “deputy commander-in-chief”. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff is the principal military adviser to the Secretary of Defense and the President, and while the Chairman may assist the

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Secretary and President in their command functions, the Chairman is not in the chain of command.” Do I believe Dick regarding his claim that one of the two men above is indeed his friend? Yes, I do. Yes. I believe he is connected with one of the most powerful men in the US who is also one of the most powerful men in the world. Imagine that. Coincidence? Or was it planned? Last night I decided to look at photos of both Hagel and Kerry. I found the YouTube link showing the first speech of John Kerry as Secretary of State, which he gave at the University of Virginia. Two male speakers came before him, US Representative Robert Hurt and Senator Tim Kaine. Later, I also watched a few other short videos, including one showing Chuck Hagel and John McCain. I observed these men on the screen. While they spoke I studied their faces and gestures so I could feel their inner selves. You can only truly see a man if you can see him from within. You can only truly see a man when you can feel him from the center of his being, from his core. After watching their videos, I can tell you what drives these men. I can give you personal information about them, including their relationships with their peers, their lovers, their wives and children. I felt their insecurities and fears. However, I don’t believe it is fair to bare these men’s souls fully naked to you, so I will only give you a glimpse of what I saw. As I said earlier, in the first video I watched, there were two men who spoke before John Kerry. They were Robert Hurt and Tim Kaine. Hurt is a perfect example of how Dick describes some politicians in DC. This man was not loved as a child. He spoke as if his voice was not connected to his heart at all. This man has no passion. On the other hand, Kaine spoke like a game-show host. He is different from Hurt in that he is complex. Kaine has different personas and

155 MARLENE AGUILAR he knows how to shift them and use them as he pleases. He thinks fast. He processes information faster than most. He knows how to play games, and he knows how to get on top of things. After Kaine, John Kerry was introduced. He spoke for a long time. I stopped watching when he began to speak like a politician. Secretary of State John Kerry shows his gentleness to the world. What lies within him is a totally different story. He speaks and moves in front of his audience with grace, as is expected of a seasoned politician. I don’t know why but I’m smiling now thinking of John Kerry. I feel my unseen guardians surround me telling me I shouldn’t say more. In one video I saw Senator John McCain and Chuck Hagel arguing during some Senate hearing. McCain has no substance within. He did not grow up with love. He is a perfect politician who would lie through his teeth to get on top of the polls. No wonder he chose Sarah Palin as his running mate when he campaigned for president. They are birds of the same feather. Last but not the least, we have US Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel. He is very different from all the other men I have mentioned so far. He has strong passion the others do not possess except for John Kerry. That man has passion, too. Both left and right sides of Hagel’s brain are awake. This is why his senses are heightened in comparison to other men. He feels and sees the world through a different perspective. Hagel is driven to push the envelope further. I say this because there is a mustang inside him. He certainly has the guts and the drive to push the world where he wants it to go. Whereas John Kerry is more tame. Let me just say that of all these men, it is Hagel I wouldn’t want to cross. As I studied the changes in his facial expressions on the screen, I could almost feel what he was thinking. There were moments when

156 MIRROR OF MIND he wasn’t comfortable with his speech because he was speaking for the US government and not for himself. He is compelling. He is also very impatient, which comes from his high intellect. What I like about him is his great compassion for mankind. You can’t learn the art of war. You have to be born with this gift. This talent has to run through your genes. Most high-ranking men in the US military do not possess this skill. Many of them think they can learn it from reading the book of Sun Tzu, but that is not true. You either have this natural gift or you don’t. Chuck Hagel is tough on the outside, but soft at his core. This is really one of the reasons he can command the art of war. You can only command it if you have the great forces of yin and yang inside you. In life and in war, you have to know when to be soft and when to be hard. You have to know when to strike and when to cease- fire. You have to know when to march forward and when to step back. You have to know when to be silent and when to be loud. The man who can command the art of war is a master of the theory of opposites. It’s really as simple as that. Chuck Hagel has that gift. The world is facing a great war, the likes of which has never been witnessed before. May the heavenly forces guide Hagel because his decisions will change the fate of mankind and the earth.

157 Chapter 3

Tea Parties and the US of M

Let us take a break from my interaction with Dick. I want to update you on what is happening concerning Jason Ivler. An asset of the US government informed me that the Supreme Court and the Department of Justice in the Philippines are prepared to sign resolutions dismissing all charges against my son. Ricardo David is the current commissioner of Bureau of Immigration. Fiscal Felix Almoro who has been handling Ivler’s paperwork for over two years informed me that the commissioner has been placed in charge by the US government to make sure that my son’s papers are finalized promptly. This work includes processing clearances from several government departments, including the Philippine National Police (PNP), Quezon City Hall of Justice, the Ombudsman, National Police Commission, (NAPOLCOM), National Bureau of Investigation (NBI), Bureau of Immigration and Deportation (BID), Department of Justice (DOJ) and Supreme Court. According to the ballistic report from the Philippine National Police, the murder weapon that was used to kill Victor Renato Ebarle Jr. was a 45-caliber gun registered to an NBI agent. I was told the ballistic report also showed fingerprints on the gun belonging to

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NBI agents thereby proving Ivler’s innocence. In 2011, I discovered these documents were missing from the court of Judge Bayani Vargas of Quezon City Hall. This is the reason why I yelled at the Judge in court one day asking him where these documents were. I also asked him why after over a year of hearings, the Prosecution never presented the murder weapon in court. This is why I challenged Judge Vargas to a fistfight on national TV. How do I know the ballistic reports from PNP were missing from the files of Judge Bayani Vargas? Because I had and still have spies everywhere. And one was in Vargas’ own courtroom. A man claiming to be Commissioner David from Bureau of Immigration contacted me on my mobile phone one day and told me he was sending his staff Ramil Fernandez to do the errands to process the necessary paperwork that would wrap up Ivler’s release. His staff Ramil used to be the secretary for Chief Sunio when he worked at the Department of Justice so I assume, the imposter works for DOJ. I will call this fraud TGO. Why did the US send one of their assets to me to pose as the commissioner of immigration? I’m not sure, but I cooperated. How else could I get close to those who want to oppress me if I don’t dance with them? So, I sent Trax with Ramil to make sure the latter did his work and I entrusted her with the money needed to get the job done. Clearances for murder have to be processed through all the government agencies I listed above. After that was done, additional two signatures were necessary to complete them. Then resolution documents had to be typed and two more signatures were required from two top government officials representing every sector I included above. No government official in this country will sign any of the documents I mentioned earlier without PAYMENT! If

159 MARLENE AGUILAR you don’t pay, they leave the paperwork to rot in their office. In my experience, the worst of the vultures that handled these legal documents for Jason Ivler is Leila De Lima who is head of DOJ. And for me, Judge Bayani Vargas of Quezon City Hall of Justice is just as evil. It pleases me beyond words to know that these animals will never escape my curse. Government officials from all the departments I listed above have extorted money from me excessively for the past three years, not just for signatures, but also for other reasons. This includes faxing documents and even delivering court orders from QC Hall to where Ivler was detained. Some scum bag from the court of Judge Vargas sent me a message one day saying that ‘he would not fax Ivler’s document to DOJ unless I paid him.” Either that or he ‘would put Ivler’s documents in a stack along with all the other paper work in court and it might stay there for three months,” according to the bastard. This act included delivery of the court order to finally send Jason Ivler to the hospital. I had to pay for that too so they wouldn’t delay my son’s urgent medical treatment. Mind you, it took the court two long years before they allowed my son to get his surgery. If they could treat my son who citizen in this manner, can you imagine what these vile government officials do to the weak and the poor? This is the ugly truth about the Philippine government. It has been like this all my life. There is only one thing to do with it. Kill it! Heaven does not sleep. There is good and bad karma that surrounds us all. Since June 2010, many government officials handling Ivler’s case, including their family members have died. And they continue to perish. Why? Do you remember what I stated in Condemned by Millions? I wrote: “Every night after the raid on my home in January 2010, Medea

160 MIRROR OF MIND went to bed cursing all my detractors, condemning them to suffering and death.” “’Every person who stands in the way of justice and freedom regarding Jason Ivler’s case will die. Every person who stands in the way of justice and freedom regarding Jason Ivler’s case will die. Every person who stands in the way of justice and freedom regarding Jason Ivler’s case will die…’ She chanted repeatedly every night, until she fell asleep.” Let me give you some of the death toll. This is not accurate, of course, far from it. More people are dead than I could tell you about. To the best of my knowledge, every government official who got involved with Jason Ivler’s case extorted money from me, and that includes all those people representing the government agencies I mentioned earlier. The first government official to handle Jason Ivler’s case was Fiscal Tolentino of BID. In the process of dealing with Ivler’s case, his wife died, his daughter died, and later he also died of heart attack. Fiscal Perez of BID replaced Tolentino. Perez died in his sleep after receiving money he demanded from me. Chief Sunio of BID replaced Perez. Sunio died of heart attack after his mother died. Meanwhile the mother of Judge Vargas died around the same time. After that Vargas’ wife and daughter followed. The Vice Commissioner of Immigration came after Sunio and he asked me for some money to pay for Ivler’s clearance at BID and QC Hall. He stole it, just like the others. He suffered a heart attack and was sent to the intensive care unit. He called Trax and told her what had happened to him. While he was there he sent me a text messages saying, “Ma’am, please forgive me.” He called Trax after to ask her to talk to me so I would forgive him. He also told her that he believes he had a cardiac arrest because of my black spell. “Don’t ask for my forgiveness,” was my reply to the Vice Commissioner. “Ask god.”

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After this message the Vice-Commissioner went into a coma for over two months. Then one day, he came out of it. “Ma’am, if you won’t forgive me, please I beg you. Kill me,” was the text message I received from him after he gained consciousness from his coma. I wept when I read this. “Go home. The doctors won’t be able to help you. You will start getting better from now on. I forgive you,” I replied to him. I don’t know how many days or weeks passed after this. But one day, the Vice-Commissioner went to see Commissioner Jose de Jesus of BID. He came into his office limping and carrying a cane. Trax told me this story. Fiscal Felix Almoro was present when the Vice-Commissioner and de Jesus spoke in the latter’s office. Apparently, the Vice- Commissioner told de Jesus what had happened between him and me. He told the Commissioner how he suffered a heart attack after stealing my money. He told him how he went into a coma for months. And how he got better after I forgave him. He also spoke of other government officials and their families who died. He told Commissioner de Jesus that he believed all those people perished because I cursed them to death after they had wronged me. He said I put a black spell on all of them and their families in retaliation. “Whatever you do, do what’s right for Ivler and his mother. Or you will suffer the same fate as the others. Look what happened to me,” he told de Jesus. “The Vice-Commissioner will do me a good deed. That’s why he lives,” I told Trax on the phone. He did do me a favor later on when he intervened during one transaction involving Chief Rodriguez, Felix Almoro and the warden of Bicutan jail. A few months later, the Vice-Commissioner died. There is another who I forgave after he had a heart attack. He

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was Atty. Aries de Vera of immigration. He stole money NBI agents had extorted from me. After I found out, I cast a spell on him. Thus, like the others, he had a heart attack. He ended up in the intensive care unit. While he was there he sent Trax a message telling her of his fate. “Please ask Ma’am Aguilar to forgive me. I will pay her back what I stole,” he told her. “Tell Aries to go home. They can’t cure him in the hospital. He will start getting better now. I forgive him,” I told Trax on the phone. “Tell him I don’t want my money back. But I want him to do good deeds, especially to those who are needy and poor,” I added. “Why? Why do you forgive him?” she asked. “Because he will do us a good favor,” I answered. On the break of Christmas day in 2010, NBI agents assaulted Trax while she was at the Quezon City Hall of Justice doing some errands for me. She had with her ten thousand pesos, which is around two hundred fifty US dollars. They grabbed her and dragged her into their car where they searched her purse and stole her cash. After that, they took her in their custody and charged her for possession of drugs, which she, of course did not possess. This kind of set up happens every day in the Philippines. People know this happens but they feel helpless against the evil system that reigns in this god- forsaken place. It was Atty. Aries de Vera that extracted Trax from this mess. Like the Vice- Commissioner, Aries died months later. When I put a curse on someone, it includes his or her bloodline. The curse will go on forever. That is how dark my darkness is. There is karma of the blood. Therefore that bloodline is cursed for all eternity. The only thing that could stop the plague I put upon a lineage is if one of them does a great favor for my own blood or for me. What Aries de Vera and the Vice-Commissioner did had

163 MARLENE AGUILAR stopped my curse from afflicting their family and their descendants. Whatever Vice-Commissioner said to Jose de Jesus that day fell on deaf ears. As other government officials before him, Commissioner de Jesus behaved like a vulture toward me. I found out about his evil deeds at around midnight one Friday evening. I was communicating with Chief Rodriguez at the time. It was through the chief I realized that de Jesus had wronged me. “I will kill that man,” was the message I sent to the Chief. “I’m casting a spell of death around him now. He will die! Watch what happens to him,” I said. At the time de Jesus was in a girly bar in Manila. He left the place at three in the morning. While he was trying to open the door to his car, he received a hard blow on his head from behind. He was rushed to the hospital where he went into a coma. Allegedly, a woman working for DOJ was in cahoots with the Commissioner to create problems regarding Ivler’s paper work so they could extort money from me. Her name is Emma Antonio. I found out from the Chief that de Jesus and Antonio were apparently lovers. The following morning, the wife of de Jesus texted Chief Rodriguez and told him what had happened to her husband. That’s how I found out what had happened to the BID Commissioner. At this point, she was in possession of her husbands mobile phone. So I sent her messages telling her about her husband’s illicit affairs with Antonio. “Ma’am, if it’s true that my husband is cheating on me, I will kill him,” she said. “Ask Chief Rodriquez and Fiscal Almoro,” I told her. “They should know the truth.” Afterward, she called the Chief and asked him if it were true that her husband was having an affair with Antonio. She also called

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Fiscal Almoro and asked him. Both men confirmed the allegation. After these phone calls Mrs. De Jesus rushed to the Department of Justice in Manila. She charged into the office of Emma Antonio screaming with rage. And there she created a scandal that they still talk about to this day. She beat the hell out of Antonio, repeatedly slamming her face against a table. According to Chief Rodriguez, Mrs. De Jesus went back to the hospital and inside the ICU, she verbally abused her husband slapping him at the same time. The following day she retrieved her husband who was still in a coma from the hospital. When the hospital staff tried to stop her, she threatened them. So she brought her husband home. De Jesus died the following day. There were others who died, but it so exhausting to write about them now. Maybe I’ll do so in another book. I would like to write a book about my spiritual growth someday. In that book, I will tell you about my conversations with the sun, the earth, the moon and the stars. I will tell you how their unseen consciousness educated me about the galaxy and the galaxies beyond. I will tell you how good and evil helped me understand their forces and how I use them to change equilibrium in this matrix. I will talk about how I talk to the dead and how I talk to consciousness unseen to most of you. Sadly, that book will come much later. I feel I will not be writing for a long time after Mirror of my Mind. As of yesterday, Trax and Ramil Fernandez were at the headquarters of the National Bureau of Investigation retrieving the documents needed to finally complete Ivler’s paperwork. After that, I am told that my son will be escorted by US government officials out of Bicutan and taken into their custody. Previously, Chief Rod Rodriguez from the DOJ and Fiscal Felix Almoro were in charge of working on Ivler’s case to make sure he

165 MARLENE AGUILAR receives a proper trial. They are no longer responsible. As I said earlier, I was told by an asset of the US Commissioner David is now in charge. Chief Rodrigquez and Almoro played along with the CIA’s deception. Yesterday afternoon, I received this text message from the impostor TGO. “Good day Ma’am. I’m Commissioner David. Fiscal Almoro says you would like to come here to the Immigration headquarters. Can I ask you a favor Ma’am? Just let me finish all of your son’s papers. I’m very willing to help. Please leave everything to me.” “If there is any concern, I will let you know immediately. Everybody here in BID is afraid of you. I know you are the greatest woman in this world. Thank you.” I replied to the fraud immediately. I wrote: “I understand your concern. I have absolute faith in you.” “You may have been briefed by the US. So you know where I am going. All my allies will rise with me but all my enemies will die. I want you to know that I will never forget your kindness. You have my deepest thanks.” In the past, Trax told me repeatedly that staff of immigration and the department of justice feared me. Trax says they fear me because almost every government official who handled Jason Ivler’s case is dead. Most of them were killed by heart attacks. They passed away after I declared to Chief Rod or Fiscal Almoro or Trax that I had cursed them to death. Others were shot, while others simply disappeared from the face of the earth. How many government officials including their family members and staff have suffered? I am guessing over fifty people, maybe more. Felix Almoro has stolen money from me several times as well. I sent him a text message last week while he was in DOJ with Trax. “You have stolen money from me repeatedly despite the fact that

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I have saved your life a few times. Not only do you owe me a great sum of money, you owe me your life times three,” I said to him. “Big sorry Ma’am,” the bastard wrote. “Please forgive me and give me a chance to make it up to you.” After Commissioner de Jesus died, I stopped casting black voodoo for over a year. The persona inside me that does black magic had become exhausted and fell asleep for many moons. In March 2013, Medea’s daughter awakened from her slumber. She cursed Felix Almoro on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at around three in the afternoon. “I put the curse of death on Almoro,” I told Trax on the phone. “His days are numbered,” I added. I’m not going to write down all the crimes Felix Almoro committed against me. It would take too long. He was with Trax that fateful day at the NBI headquarters taking care of Ivler’s paperwork. Ramil Fernandez, the supposed Commissioner David’s staff was with them. At around eight that evening they went home. After that, at around 9:30, I received a text message from the immigration official. “Ma’am my wife and daughter have been abducted from my home,” he wrote. “Maybe you wronged the Americans. Why don’t you call them and ask them if they have your wife and daughter?” I replied to him. Why did I say that to Almoro? Why did I involve the Americans in my statement? That is because he told Trax how two American agents took him one evening. This incident happened after I returned to the Philippines from my two-month vacation in Grand Turk. Here is a portion of the story Almoro gave Trax. He was in his office at the BID building one evening when the security guard told him that a white man sent a message that he needed to see him and that he would wait for him at the Starbucks

167 MARLENE AGUILAR coffee shop across the street. So Almoro went down and proceeded to Starbucks where two American men took him with them. Apparently, they brought the BID official to a restaurant where they spoke to him for several hours. Almoro said the Americans gave him my background. They also told him this: “Ivler’s mother has a heart of gold but do not doubt for one moment she is not capable of killing every single one of her enemies. The tragedy of mother and son happened because of her impossible will.” “Do you know she’s been a terrible headache to all of us? Look at the tragedy her entire family has befallen! Still she will not obey! And she remains to be a terrible headache for all of us.” “Ivler is our son. Did you ever think we would let him rot in jail? Now, do what is right for mother and son or you will suffer the consequences of your actions!” Two days before I cast black voodoo on Almoro, he told Trax the Americans took him for a second time. This time they brought him to an unknown location where he was tied to a chair. “Pay back what you took from Ivler’s mother! Pay her back!” an American yelled at the official and slapped him at the same time. “Pay back what you took from Ivler’s mother! he yelled at the official again while beating him. The following day, which was a Friday, Almoro met Trax and Ramil at the NBI headquarters to continue their work on Ivler’s clearances. According to Trax, the BID official sat in a chair by himself staring at nothing. Earlier on, he told my female asset about what had happened to his wife and daughter. “Please talk to ma’am Aguilar. Ask her to talk to the Americans. Ask her to protect my family,” he told Trax. My asset also told me that she feared Almoro might retaliate

168 MIRROR OF MIND against her. Because he might think she had something to do with his family’s disappearance. “I’m afraid he’d hurt me,” Trax told me. “You did nothing wrong. Why would he hurt you?” I asked. “God only knows what he’s thinking. He’s sitting there on his own and he looks so distressed. He’s not acting right,” she said. Even if I had the power to intervene with the Americans, would I have helped this man? No! I have been bullied and tortured by the US government since July 2007! And this is only because I refused to go back and work with them! A hundred heavily armed men were sent to my home to kill my son and me only because I wouldn’t go back to work with the US. My son was tortured in front of me only because I defied the US. I have been terrorized endlessly for the past six years by arrogant men from Washington DC because I rejected being their whore like Obama! So do you think I would feel any remorse for this vile animal that has repeatedly violated me? No, absolutely not. You must understand something about me. I have undeniably no guilt in some respect. When I cursed this vile man, the spell included his entire bloodline for endless generations to come. They will all suffer the karma of their blood. I told you the infinite forces of lightness and blackness, good and evil, yin and yang run through me. I can be the most loving and compassionate woman you’ll ever know but the other side of that is, without any question, the total opposite! Remember that. I decided to see Almoro that day. I knew his life in this matrix was passing. I wanted to see him before he died. At around 6pm, I left my home and proceeded to Manila. A few minutes later I was on the highway called EDSA facing the dreadful sight of SM mega mall. Every time I pass that place, I want to vomit. I closed my eyes

169 MARLENE AGUILAR at the sight of it, and my mind projected into the future. Then I saw the Great War coming in a few years’ time. In this future, I telepathically divert one big bomb to blow that horrible place into oblivion. It pleases me to know that in the future, that shameful place will no longer exist. After passing the ugly mega mall, I decided to call Trax. I told her I was on my way to immigration and that she shouldn’t let Almoro go. I informed her I planned to take them both to Hyatt Hotel. Moreover, I told her I knew the official was going to be dead because of my witchcraft. And I wanted to talk to him concerning the Americans before he is deleted from this realm. My female asset agreed to bring Almoro to immigration headquarters from the NBI headquarters. Trax and I agreed to meet at Starbucks. When I spoke to her this time, she told me that Almoro appeared to be very angry with her, and she feared he may be considering harming her. After that, we continued to text each other. Narrative has soul. And I can sense people’s souls through their writing. By the time I was halfway between my home and the immigration building, I received a text message from Trax’s number, which didn’t sound kosher. She didn’t write it. It was no longer Trax speaking to me. When I realized that, my heart began to beat fast. For a moment, I thought Almoro had abducted her. After this, I received a message from Trax’s husband. “Tita, please call,” he wrote. I called him immediately. “Where is Trax?” he asked. “She’s at the NBI headquarter taking care of Ivler’s clearance,” I replied. “I called her phone just now. A man answered,” he said. My heart jumped and started beating faster than before when he

170 MIRROR OF MIND said this, but I didn’t want him to worry. “I’m on my way there now. I will find out what happened,” I told him. After talking to Trax’s husband, I asked my driver to turn around and go home. You must be wondering why I turned around. Clearly, someone else had Trax’s mobile. It was possible she had been abducted. And whoever had her knew where I was heading. I turned around because I could be driving into a trap or an ambush if I proceeded. I sent a message to Almoro. “Release Trax or I will murder every single person you love!” I told him. After this, I received a message from an unknown number, which stated, “Tita this is Trax. Call me.” I called the number right away. It was Trax. “Where are you? What happened?” I asked gasping. “I’m at an outdoor store. I offered the sales girl money so I can use her phone. Almoro grabbed me at the NBI headquarters. He got my phone. And I ran away from the place as fast as I could,” she added catching her breath. “He’s lost it,” she added. “Go home now. We’ll deal with this tomorrow,” I told her. The following day, which fell on a Saturday I didn’t send any message to Almoro. But at around 4pm on Sunday, March 24 I sent him a text message. “Is your heart still beating? Aren’t you having a hard time breathing?” I wrote on my text message. He died of heart attack some two hours later. April 1, 2013, I went to see the older oracles earlier today. I haven’t seen them in a long time. I’m not sure but I think it was over a year ago when I last saw them.

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The lady oracle was very happy to receive me when I arrived at her place past noon. We entered her private room where we sat on chairs facing each other as we have done for over two decades. “I haven’t seen you in so long,” she said softly. We sat at the small square table where she normally does her reading. I could see that time had aged her since I last saw her. “There’s been numerous kidnappings, ambushes and double dealings in my life since I was here the last time. I don’t know how I remain sane,” I told her, followed by a deep breath. “On good Friday, I thought of retiring,” she said sadly. Good Friday was three days ago, on the 29th of March. I sat on my chair staring at the older oracle’s face studying her demeanor. Sometimes I wonder if she’s been compromised by the US. In my mind, I went back in time. I saw myself sitting in the garden on Good Friday, working on this book while I thought of her. It was that day I decided I should see her as soon as business resumed after Holy Week. Apparently on the same day she was telepathically calling me to come and see her. “I thought of retiring. And then I asked myself, how could I retire without seeing Marlene first? It’s been so long since you were here last. So I sent you telepathic messages to come. You must have heard my call because now you’re here,” she continued. “I’ve been fighting, a war” I answered. “I feel like the US has beaten and tortured me for the last six years just as my father used to beat me.” “That’s because you’re stubborn,” she uttered. “Did you obey?” “I gave them my terms and conditions, which I believe is best for all parties concerned. And I told them if my terms were not good enough, then they should just put a bullet through my head!” I answered.

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“They will not kill you. They love you,” she said. “’Yeah! They love me all right. They love me and torture me in the process. Their love comes with a dagger they’ve driven deep inside my heart. And for as long as they love me, that dagger will remain there,” I stated in tears. “You’ve gained their respect and admiration,” she declared smiling a warm and motherly smile. Then she began to shuffle the tarot cards. A small portion of her reading is below. “Stop thinking you can leave. You cannot walk away from your fate.” “You have a lot of work ahead of you. You will have three months of silence. Then things will begin to shift.” “You will give the American people back their confidence. You will save America from disaster.” “There will be death surrounding you in the future. Death in land, water and air.” “I don’t see a President in the future of the Philippines. I see you as the ruler but they will not address you as President.” “The tarot says you are the guardian of nature.” “It is true,” I said to her. “Nature is my priority, not man.” “Trinity remains in the tarot. You, Caesar and Gabriel - the three of you will save the world.” “War will commence between US and China after several moons,” she said. “You will be known as one of the greatest conquerors on earth like Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great and Genghis Khan,” she pronounced. “Why? Because I fought America alone?” I asked. “Yes! And you won!” she stated proudly. “While doing so, you

173 MARLENE AGUILAR gained the respect and admiration of the most powerful men in the world. You won because of your mind and spirit.” “You fought a great battle with America and you won without shedding a drop of blood. They will give you what you want.” “That’s not true! Jason spilled his blood, which is also my blood,’ I uttered, teary. “And I was condemned by the Filipino people, the same people I protected with my life.” “That’s not true,” she yelled with big eyes glaring at mine. “You are seen as a heroine. You are seen as the divine mother who will do anything for her son! People love you and fear you because of your courage!” “How can you expect people to understand who you are? The nation saw you fight powerful people here in the Philippines. The nation saw you go up against the government and the system. People ask me why you are so fearless. People ask me what kind of power backs you up because no matter what tragedy consumed you, you remain stronger than ever. Today, no one in the Philippines would dare stand up against you.” “People ask me what kind of power is behind your courage. Do you know what I say to them?” the lady oracle shouted. “Do you know what I say to them?” she shouted again. I remained still in my chair listening to her while I stared into her scowling eyes. “I say, heaven is where she was! Heaven is where she is! And heaven is where she will always beeeeeeeeeee!” she shouted out loud, her face warping at the same time and her hands shaking rapidly while she spoke. I watched her intently while I sat frozen to my seat amazed at her strong declaration. Images of the last three years began flashing through my mind. I saw the raid at the house once more. Heavily

174 MIRROR OF MIND armed and evil men surrounded my home craving for death. I heard the horrible sound of gunshots, while bullets hovered around me. I saw the NBI shoot Jason. I saw my son fall. I saw the NBI agents torture him as blood gushed out through his gut. I stood there staring at my son. Blood was all over him. Blood was all over the wooden floor. Hell had taken us both. Afterward, the tri media attacked us like the vultures that they are. I was persecuted because I did not want to become America’s puppet. I sat there besieged by years of torment and anguish, thanks to the brotherhood in DC. “Marlene Aguilar belongs to heaven! She is protected by heaven!”” I heard the lady oracle yell again. “Heaven sent her here on earth to defend the low and the poor. She was sanctioned by heaven to become the savior of the earth and the savior of the oppressed!” she yelled and paused for a moment. She tilted her head down while tipping her face to the left like a curious feline. Then smiled the most delectable and devious smile while keeping her eyes locked on mine. “And there are also very powerful men on earth protecting her! That’s what I say to people!” she stated with a calm and knowing voice. “Now, you can’t possibly expect me to tell people who these men are, can you?” she continued and laughed. Let’s go back to Dick. The first few times he sent me a private message on Facebook, I couldn’t understand his writing at all. This is because he writes the way he speaks. Writing is different. Writing is like painting on a canvas. You must decide what you want the readers to see and compose your thoughts accordingly. Although, he has a good mind, Dick can’t write proficiently. His narrative is like an abstract painting, it’s difficult to see his point. One day, I showed Steve Dick’s message from my laptop.

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“What’s he saying?” I asked him. “I have no idea,” he replied. “He’s not saying anything,” he added. This is because reading Dick’s writing is terribly frustrating. However, I could see that there was something essential in his narrative. I divided his paragraphs into separate phrases since more often than not, he doesn’t write in complete sentences. On top of that, his thoughts are all over the place. With his writing, I’d have to divide one paragraph into three for it to make sense. Then I separated the unfinished sentences. After doing that, I had to recompose his opinions in some orderly fashion so his thoughts made meaning in the written form. The process was mentally exhausting. I also believe that is the character of Dick in real life. He is exhausting. All his relationships ended tragically. Two of his former lovers aborted his child. His Peruvian lover called the cops on him to get rid of him. He also mentioned earlier that his clients of many years, top brass politicians who confided in him left without saying good- bye. To me, that means his relationships with his clients also ended badly. From my engagement with Dick, I believe that he has the ability to destroy his affairs with those who get close to him. I wrote earlier, that I meditated so I could sense the psyche of this academe. In doing so, I told him that there was something in him I could hate. I sensed the future. There are those people, most people, who the more you know them the less you like them. Then there are the very few, the rare breed of men. These are the handful you will adore as you get to know them more. I belong to the latter. Dick belongs to the former. As my engagement with him pursued I shared my dialog with Dick to Steve. “I wonder who sent him?” I told my partner. “Do you think someone did?” he asked.

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“I think so but I can’t be sure. I will use one of the fake accounts I have to talk to him sexually. I’ll send him some bait and see what happens. If he engages with me in sex talk, then he’s real. If he avoids it, then someone sent him,” I replied. “But even then I can’t be sure really.” “Why?” Steve asked. “Because he’s an academe. He wouldn’t know how to discuss sex openly if his life depended on it. I’ll see what happens,” I replied. So using a false Facebook account, I sent Dick a message. You may be wondering why I would use a fake account to do this. It’s because I don’t want anyone to take a screen shot of my sexual narrative to Dick with the name Marlene Aguilar on it. It’s really just a safety precaution. Here is the message I sent the academe. “So, if you were to make love to me, would you do it soft or hard? Would you do it carefully? Or would you do it with reckless abandon? Tell me.” “Love making is not a physical making at all. I don’t talk like this to married women or any women on the Internet of any age. I don’t do phone sex even with a partner. This is all too childish for me. I am beginning to wonder. I even question the people on my page that bare their bodies to the world. Isn’t that catering to voyeurism and objectification of the human? This is why women are not taken seriously. Am I wrong?” “You make too many rules. You probably love under many conditions. Phone sex is childish? You are so limited. You don’t do phone sex because you’re a virgin academe.” “I was testing how free you are. So you have given me the answer. I suppose an academe will always be an academe.” “I adapt to what women can do and how deep they can go. I

177 MARLENE AGUILAR empathize. I don’t use sex to take out my frustrations as I have heard many do.” “Sex to take out frustrations? What the fuck are you talking about?” “The ultimate sex is an expression of mind and spirit. You’d never get there, not with all your rules. My god, I have never been so wrong about anyone.” “You are not clairvoyant. You couldn’t be. That kind of gift is given to those who were born free. You will never be free. How can you save others when you’re still living in darkness? No wonder your relationships fell apart. How could a dancer stay with someone like you? A true artist could never live with a man with such limitations and judgment. What a judgmental ignorant man you are.” “I throw all these questions at you so I may see deeper into your psyche. The oracles who have guided me for over 20 years wanted me to look for a ‘high priest’ that would come from the west, a white man who sees through time. I really thought it was you. I am so wrong. God, you would have saved me time if you just posted your damn picture on FB!” That was the end of my conversation with Dick from my fake account. My communication with him continued on my real account. “There is idealism and then there is reality. I believe I have balance between the two. I really don’t know why they’re letting you talk to me. I could guess, but I will not say it here because they are watching. Please continue reading my books. I beg of you. You feel close to me for some very strange reason. Although you sound like a dick sometimes, it made sense when I believed you to be the high priest.” “Please read the following words with your heart.” “I defied two governments Dick, the Philippines and the US.

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Because of that, the US used the RP government to punish me using extreme methods. I was put on the RP government’s assassination list two months after I finished writing Warriors of Heaven. They monitored the book via the Internet. This was easy since I sent all my chapters to the major characters of my book for their approval. A few days before my book launching, my son, a former US Ranger was framed for a murder he didn’t commit. The government used all its efforts to hunt him down.” “The day I launched WOH at the Cultural Center of the Philippines, my home was raided by the SWAT Team. It’s been raining hell since. Eventually, my government sent a hundred heavily armed men to my home to kill me. The raid showing the torture of my son was played on YouTube. I don’t know if the government has removed the original version from cyberspace. But I keep a copy because I had someone download the video from the Internet the day it was released. Since the raid, I’ve dealt with the complexity and difficulty of rescuing my allies who have been framed, ambushed, kidnapped and killed. This goes on to this very day. People continue to die around me, while my innocent son remains in jail.” “I fought evil, Dick. I defied evil. I wanted to get rid of it. Kill it. But it doesn’t work like that. I told you. You have to understand the true validity of the forces of yin and yang to understand the world. Lightness and blackness, love and hate, war and peace, death and life are opposite forces that co-exist. One cannot be without the other. So, you cannot kill the forces of evil because it powers the forces of good, and vice versa.” “I have confronted evil. I danced with evil. I’ve embraced it with all my heart as I embrace good. I felt its powers and I’ve absorbed it. Therefore, I own it.” “WOH is about my arguments with the US war mongers, the

179 MARLENE AGUILAR war gods in DC. I argued with them to get close to them, to enter their psyche, to feel them, to understand them. Why do you loathe these men? Why are you so angry at the evil that reigns in this world? Why? Can you not see that it is the greed and ignorance of mankind that empower these men? They are one and the same - yin and yang. One exists because of the other. SO quit whining, Dick. AND GROW UP!” Dick didn’t respond to me for a whole day after this. I could sense he was upset. I sent him an apology so he would speak to me again. “I want to make peace. So, I’m sorry if I was mean to you. I enjoy the dialogue between us. I do.” “I just wonder why you keep referring to books you’ve read when you write. I have written five non-fiction novels without doing that. Can you not think for yourself? Can you not give a statement straight from your heart and your mind without finding the need to support your declaration by referring to theories or books created by men you never met? Do you think that’s possible at all? I have written books from my own personal experience. I really couldn’t care less about the words of men like Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung and other academes. Can you see the difference between my freedom and yours?” “You talk about gender issue? Why? Both genders are lost in this matrix. Plus, in my world of deceit, treachery, death and destruction, I have never known any man who could equal my mind, spirit and abilities. So I really don’t see any issue in gender at all. And I am talking from personal experience.” “This is where we differ. You have chosen a life of fiction with the real world to accomplish your goal of saving and changing the Philippines as a revolutionary.”

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“The fiction is believing strength provided by the American might is the only way. And, you are probably right. I know little of struggle. I avoid men of pain. I have little respect for their ways of power and tyranny. Yet, I remember the stories of how thankful the Europeans were in WW2.” “My freedom is like the Jesuit. I believe in individual freedom through the growth of the mind. When an individual allows only his or her own truth to exist, there are always limitations. Mine are that this world is less and less attractive since objective truth seems to always be American made. Your truth leads you to the American truth for your personal national and familiar purposes. Yet, you are not objectively truth worthy.” “You do not see how these power-hungry men are spiritually empty inside, and their methods have nothing to offer you but tyranny in your world and of your spirit. Non-fiction is academic. You create your non-fiction by being a part of the American agenda’s politics. This is like what dancers and choreographers do to write their next full-length ballet. Again, I need to read more of your writing. Therefore, male and female are not a part of the same matrix. Maybe you are an exception, because you have morphed into the male mind by being with all these power-hungry men.” “Caring for the fallen women is the real you. I want our dialogue to be in the sharing of ideas to stimulate our writing, not the defending from your power insults. These creepy men rubbed off their characters into you. The typical paranoid man always loves the hysteric as a mate because he never has to take her opinions as valid. Yet it is the hysteric, after ten years that takes on the qualities of the paranoid and not the other way round.” “Caring for the fallen women is the real me,” you say. Wow. So you are going to define the real me. How many times will I tell you

181 MARLENE AGUILAR that gender is not an issue for me? How many times will I tell you that as far as I am concerned, the female is the stronger gender?” I shared with Steve Dick’s opinion on the US military men like the Caesars and the Gabriel’s in this world. “Maybe Dick was rejected by these men,” he said. “Of course they would reject a man like Dick. For them, men who are afraid to risk their lives are 2nd class citizens.” “I am quite free and emotionally expressive with private friendships. I do not choose to do any of that in public and especially not on FB. If I wrote a book, I would have an alias. I am not interested in notoriety. Chastity comes in many forms. Poverty is fewer. Freedom of the spirit is unlimited. It takes all kinds in this world. I have learned to accept some insults when there is meat or substance about your feelings. I accept your apology but I fear your angst will be hard to contain. You are married and I don’t allow myself to titillate toward married women. I thought your husband had died. So can we stick to a more academic conversation with opinions about what we say to each other rather than feelings about our statements?” “What does my marriage have to do with our dialog? We are sharing our thoughts through the computer. You don’t even have a photograph on your FB profile. What does my partner have to do with me conversing with a man with no face?” “You want me to state my opinions about your idea without feelings? Wow. Why don’t you try talking to a robot instead?” “You said I have chosen a life of fiction. Really? A hundred heavily armed law enforcers raided my house. My son was tortured in front of me after the bullet of an M16 cut through his body. And you call my life fiction? Wow Dick! You are retarded beyond description. All that education was wasted on you, wasn’t it? Poor pussycat. That’s

182 MIRROR OF MIND why you hide from the world. You do not have the capacity to deal with reality. You wouldn’t know reality if it hit you in the balls.” “You wrote, you know little of struggle. You avoid men of pain. And you have little respect for their ways of power and tyranny. I have been fighting all my life. I have risked my life over and over and over for what I believe. What are you talking about, Dick? You are speaking from your cave. You have never been in battle. So how could you possibly understand men like Caesar and Gabriel? How could you possibly understand someone like me?” “My freedom is like that of the Jesuit.” The Jesuits have no freedom! They are nothing but whores in cloaks representing a vile institution! They live in the modern day, prepared for the 16th century.” “You said, my truth leads me to the American truth. What truth? America is lost. The truth about America is that it was borne out of genocide.” “You stated that I create my non-fiction by being a part of the American agenda of politics.” “America has NO agenda. America is maid service to higher gods on earth. You should tell me what to do - a man who would piss in his pants at gunpoint, a man who thinks reading books in the comforts of his own home would actually teach him about life? You know nothing about life. You are a coward forever hiding in the comforts of a false world you’ve created for yourself. Like you said, you wouldn’t last three days in my world. Whereas, in your world, I’d have men like you for breakfast!” “If you wrote a book, you would use an alias. Of course you would use another name because you are a weakling. You wouldn’t want people to know you wrote it because you couldn’t handle criticism. It’s like you having NO face on FB. You hide because

183 MARLENE AGUILAR ultimately, you do not like yourself. You hide because you do not respect what you have accomplished. Please do not write a book. That’s not a good idea.” “When I wrote Warriors of Heaven, I accepted my death. I didn’t know that I would live to see evil men torture my son in front of me after he was gunned down. But such tragedy is my fate. Every single person I love has suffered because I stood against the evil powers that reign in DC, and yet you judge me.” “Who the fuck are you to judge me, Dick? Let me tell you who you are. You wouldn’t last one minute in hand-to-hand combat with me. And obviously, my mind is superior to yours. Despite that, you think you know me? What do you know about the world? You know nothing. I am out here fighting for life and death every single day, and you judge me.” “I reach out to you because I want to understand the man who has counseled these lost souls in DC. But the more I talk to you, the more I know America is doomed. Because if you were the confidant and adviser of these top politicians in DC, then the world is more fucked than I thought!!!” “You are so quick to make your judgments about my life and my struggles when you admitted yourself that you wouldn’t last three days in my world. That confession alone makes you absolutely incompetent in having any opinion about me.” “If your goal is to discredit me, if your goal is to discredit who I am, you’re wasting your time, Dick. Two governments have tried that – the Philippines and the US. And I’m still here standing stronger than ever.” “I forgive you for your sheer ignorance because I know you have absolutely no clue what the real world is like. Clearly, you will never understand my freedom.”

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“Warriors of Heaven has been required reading in top universities here under three subjects; in political science, philosophy and popular literature. In addition, I’ve also received citations and awards from all over the world for my books defending Philippine art and culture. May I ask you for your credentials? I would like to know what you’ve done for your country, and the world since you find it so easy to criticize my actions. What have you done for your country and the world lately?” “So what do you know about the world? Have you ever been outside of America? Or are you like Sara Palin who got her first passport when she ran for Vice President? I have visited 37 countries in 5 continents. I have experienced, I have felt, and I have tasted various kinds of cultures.” “Are you even aware that the rest of the world frowns upon Americans because they are utterly uncultured? In Europe, I have seen restaurant staff revolt upon seeing American tourists walk through the entrance like hamburgers on stilts. You know why? I believe Americans’ lack of understanding other people’s culture makes them ignorant. They don’t know proper decorum with respect to other people’s cultures. How could they respect something they don’t know? Pure culture is unknown to many Americans.” “When you speak, you speak like an ignorant American. Despite reading many books you are narrow-minded like the pompous military men I argue with in Warriors of Heaven. I suppose you can’t really imagine culture if you’ve never had one. It’s like imagining sex when you’re a virgin. Culture. That is something America could never conquer with its superior military strength.” “Oh I should have said America has created its own culture. It isn’t deep rooted like that of Greece, for example or Persia that has developed over thousands of years, but I suppose the US has its own

185 MARLENE AGUILAR culture - that is materialism and war mongering. Whether you like it or not, that describes who you are! You are like those American tourists despised by Europeans. They travel the earth imposing their American way of doing things without understanding that the rest of the world vomit at the very sight of them!” “You dare judge me when you know nothing of the world I know. You know nothing of the violent world I’ve survived and continue to live in. You know nothing of the dangerous and unforgiving world that has sought to kill my family and me. You know nothing of the innocent people who have died protecting my cause. Like many Americans, you know nothing about the world.” “You won’t even show your face. Are you so scary in the physical form that you hide yourself pretending this act is part of your rebellion? You told me hiding your face on FB is part of your rebellion. That is so lame.” “I rebel by putting my life on the line. I rebel by protesting against the government of the Philippines marching seven kilometers a day for 75 days straight while death threats besieged me. I rebel by writing non-fiction books denouncing the US and the Philippine governments. I rebel by condemning the US and the Philippine governments on national TV repeatedly. And you rebel by hiding your photograph on Facebook! Fuck you, Dick!” “What are you really angry at? When I say the words anger, rage and hatred; what first comes to mind?” “OMFG! You are seriously making me laugh. Is that all you can come up with? Really? That’s all you can say after all I wrote? “You want me to know what comes to my mind when you say the words anger, rage and hatred? Laughter. That’s because you’re a joke. Honestly.” “There is no anger in my writing, silly. That’s my mind talking,

186 MIRROR OF MIND not my heart. Unlike you, I can detach. Do you know what that means? Do you even know what emotional detachment is? Oh, I’m sorry. I forget I’m talking to an academe who doesn’t know the difference between self-actualization and enlightenment.” “Talk to me, pussycat. What do you really know about the world? Have you ever put your life on the line for what you believe in? I have done it many times. Whereas, academes like you would not even imagine it.” “Here is the naked truth. Like those pompous narrow minded shit lords in DC, you do not have the humility to accept the fact that you do not have the mental capacity to fathom my mind!” I will now present to you the narrative of Dick, unedited. I’m doing this just this once to show you a sample of his original writing. Read on. “Ok, so I finished ch. 2. Before I start with St Pauli, I want you to tell me what is it about these paranoid men that you learned to love and respect? PLEASE REMEMBER THE QUESTION Both you and these chauvinistic [sic] a holes are very good at insults, secual [sic] inuendo and Im [sic] sure positions of grandeur in bed. You both had tragic lives of no recognition or respect from father figure. The difference between you and them is what is called the Symbolic. They truelly [sic] believe that they are helping, when all they are doing is punishing. Punishing who? The father that treated them like shit. High expevtations [sic] of grandeur. Love comes only to men of duty. This is their 11th commandment. Why? Although they loathed their fathers and have no self-image because of it, they are the PMS generation of whiners about their past. This is why sex is so important to them. Escape from Freedom. Their box, as you call it, are all the contracts of duty which make them feel worthy for love. Do they really want it from a partner whi [sic] sees them

187 MARLENE AGUILAR from evil and good at the same time? They haven’t [sic] a clue. They live only to follow the education of the military academy, the prep school or ivy league elitism. Call it, ARENT YOU PROUD OF ME NOW PAPPA- Syndrome The symbolic is when an individual learns love from outside the family. Otherwise the bahaviors [sic] of the parents never leave the subconscious spirit of the individual.These men are atheists, agnostics or externally programmed by religion, with no sense of identity or love from the deity or belief system they choose or choose not. You not only understand a belief system that works for you, you use it to guide your intuition. These men only have codes or laws that guide their behavior. Different from parental control, but too godam [sic] similar. This is why they can say agnostic, but still be against abortion or gay marriage. They have no self image, self love, or self respect. Only these three for the code, the contract, the letter of the law. Asked if they have to go by it always, “Not I, I am an agent. I am a g- man, I really am jyst [sic] a boy. Scout. Their are fits of anger that these men emit with no knowledge [sic]. They would say in war, shit happens. The problem is that waking up in the morn is war for these men. They are great at cheating, abusing and manipulating because this is what they wished they could have done to their daddies. This is their new belief system. It is of the imaginary, rather thsn [sic] the symbolic. Until they create a self concept by adopting or creating a belief system of their own, through the symbolic; their duty is to get the rest of the world lost with their rules, statistics and faulty reasoning. Nothing they say is real. All imagined. This is why hard to talk sense or have a dialogue [sic] with them. All is combative. Their reasons for their behavior is that their freedom is measured by how much of the code they can master and force others to master. This is how they felt their fathers treated them. My father similar, but I adopted my own belief system

188 MIRROR OF MIND and I had the glower [sic] power culture as well as friends of all walks and talks. No cliches for me. These men are greedy because it is their only direct measure of love, other than your responses to their sexual innuendo [sic] by email. The Symbolic is using words to create an individualized belief system. You did it to rid your need of approval from your dad who beat you. You probably forgave him too. THESE men would say they are over it, but they never lovingly forgave, have no compassion. Only code gor [sic] the world. HOW DID YOU LEARN TO RESPECT AND LOVE. THESE animals. They are only good for construction jobs.” “My god Dick! Your writing is like oral diarrhea. Now, I feel like I just attended a United Nations forum.” “You said you want me to tell you what is it about these paranoid men that I learned to love and respect? In addition, you asked how I learned to respect and love these animals?’” “WHO? Do you mean, the military men in my books like Gabriel and Caesar? Are you crazy? My father served in WW2, so did my father-in-law William Ivler who I loved like he was my real father. In addition, my son Jason Ivler was a US Ranger who served in Iraq. I admire and respect men who have the courage to put their lives on the firing line! I admire and respect men who would kill the enemy for their country! I admire and respect men who are not afraid to die! Now, you wouldn’t know how that feels would you?’ “When I was a little girl my father told me that if I were to choose friends, I should ask myself first if that person would stand by me in the firing line. ‘Ask yourself if you would choose that person to stand by you if your life was on the line,’ my father said. I don’t believe I’d choose a man like you, Dick. On the contrary, I’d choose a man like Caesar and Gabriel any time. Like I said, you’d piss in your pants a gunpoint. Pussy!”

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“Okay, let me try to see the world from your perspective for a moment. You’re absolutely right. Some of these men are just as ignorant and narrow-minded as you. However, these are the men who reign in DC. They control the US. And because of that they matter to the world.” “Even Russia couldn’t destroy America. Try to imagine me as being the mother to my nation. I have to understand and accept the truth regarding the future of the Philippines and America’s power here.” “I believe that at this point in history, the Philippines would either go under the control of China or the US. You would have to be retarded if you think I’d let the Philippines go to China. That is the reality of the world I am dealing with. I believe with every part of my heart and soul that my people are better off with me than without me. And if that means working with these narrow-minded assholes from DC, then I will have to bend. I give them what they want - they give me want I want. In addition, I do not believe there is anyone in this god-forsaken place who could negotiate with these men better than me!” “I hope you are getting used to my harsh words by now. Thank you for insights, Dick. I love it. Spiritually, we connect. Spiritually, you understand what is inside me. So please be patient.” “I could go run to a quiet life. I tried. But such is not my fate. I will marry the state. Where I am going, I will stand alone. Anyway, thank you from the bottom of my heart. With love and tears.” “No, I will never get used to this last post and its belligerent self centered bullshit. I limit my time with you drastically because of your insults. My patience will last until I die, but my boundaries get stronger. I have different battles. No one’s battles are more important gutsy or free than others. You may be spiritually free,

190 MIRROR OF MIND but you have many emotional battles ahead of you. Now you see, this was a statement of spite. I had no calling to say this to you as you have in calling to say to me retarded or wasted education, with pussycat in the same sentence. This takes away from the spiritual goals we might have. These are the words and language of these men, not you.” “Let me ask you the same question now. What are you really angry at when I say the words anger, rage, hatred; what first comes to your mind?” “You wrote that no one’s battles are more important than others. That is so far from the truth. This reality is like a movie. There are big players and small players. There are very few who could play lead roles. These are the stars. Then there are the secondary characters supporting the key players. And finally, there are the extras in movies. These inconsequential roles are for the rest of dumb mankind.” “You see I have detachment. You don’t. When people insult me like those military men calling me names, I don’t whine like a little girl. Their name-calling does not get to me because I know who I am. On the contrary, you’re upset at the name calling because your father who called you names still owns you to this very day.” “Poor pussycat. That’s why you hide from the world. You do not have the capacity to deal with reality. Reality hurts doesn’t it? When will you grow up Dick? When will you be ready for life?” “You limit your time with me drastically because of my insults? I think you enjoy me. And my insults are supposed to push you to the edge so you would grow up. You should actually thank me for insulting you.” “According to you, I may be spiritually free, but I have many emotional battles ahead of me. Silly boy. I have detachment. I can

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detach from my emotions. That is something you don’t understand because emotionally you have not matured. Like those politicians you talk about, you’re just a tiny little boy when it comes to your emotions.” “It’s not my name calling you’re pissed off at. You’re angry because my name-calling reminds you of your parents who hurt you. Why? It’s because you are not over your past. Your past OWNS you. Your parents still own you. And until you let go, THEY WIN - YOU LOSE!” “Chapter 3 is my favorite of all because of Paulie. I love the guy! I agree with his prophecy so far. This brings the element of mystery to your fiction. Although I have related to Howard Marks from the beginning, he is too quick to marginalize the prophecy with, ‘Can you change the future you foresee Marlene?” “’It may not be this lifetime, you foresaw. I love Paulie’s G1 and G2 descriptions. These are G-men playing at fictional alliances in the future that they end up stimulating rather than mitigating.” “You said, it may not be this lifetime, I foresaw. Again, you are going to advise me on astral travel, a phenomenon I have been experiencing since I was a child, an experience you know nothing about.” “These G-men in your life need to go back to the drawing board and find a real occupation. This is the most revealing chapter about you. I am a master of psychology. You are right in saying few people can grasp the depth of Jung. Freud and Heideger are easy compared to Jung and Kant.” “The problem is that people need to give up on planetary travel and cancer cures and simply learn their psychology, give up drugs and alcohol for anything but tonics. I am never impressed with the air and space museum. Even as a child, I took pictures of each but

192 MIRROR OF MIND never out of love or admiration. It was my specimen phase. 8-10 yo.This is the extent of psychological development of your G-men. They are pinheaded, narrow-minded morons. They picked on the moron ambassador Kristie Kenney because they need to feel superior. The moment she does something meaningful, she will be fired, killed or tragedy. She is an expendable, as you are. All based upon the myth and fear that China will take over the Philippines and you are a revolutionary.” “WW1 was an agenda that was planned. WW2 was masterminded right after the end of WW1 in the same way as WW3. But how would you know that, Dick? You’re stuck in your little cave. You’ve never read any books on world history have you?” “Domestically, you are fine, but when you sleep with the enemy, you are expendable. Shit happens because these men need bombs to do their bidding. They couldn’t fight their way out of a good argument. They’re just pinheads covering up their lack of grey matter. Now as far as your Chinese descent mother, your lack of comprehension for Japanese and Korean picture taking. As I said, it is their specimen taking. I see them in Florence and Venice. They are a soulful people. Their spirits move quickly and fearfully because although Samsung, Sony makers, the material ideas of the spirit came from US. They are not by nature a materialistic people, neither are the Chinese. Yes, they have changed because of Capitalism, Gen McCarthur, and the VCR. The Koreans the least change.” “Domestically I am fine you say, but when I sleep with the enemy, I am expendable. When will you get it? America is not my enemy nor am I the enemy of America. You are so simple in your thinking. The world is round, Dick. Try to mold your brain into a round shape and not choose sides. After all, we live on the same planet. The ultimate conflict is between mankind and the earth. The earth

193 MARLENE AGUILAR must live. Therefore, mankind will die.” “For the sake of argument, let’s agree that America is indeed my enemy. If that is so, then what you should really be concerned with is that America is sleeping with the enemy. Darling, I pity the antagonist who sleeps with me.” “You see Marlene, I would prefer that man goes back to their essences as different cultures. Science, technology and modern pharmaceutical medicine are useless and waste money. Sure antibiotics and vaccines for some are essential to get some third world countries on their feet, but all this testing and treatment in ignorance of the immune systems power to heal and the power of the mind to heal, is a subterfuge to make money. This is what America is to both other countries and to itself. You are right, we have no culture other than money. As long as countries like yours receives the help of countries like mine, these methods of BS will prevail. Not blaming you personally, but globalization was a huge mistake. Now that it is what it is, every gun, bomb, flight to Mars or to visit a friend, any research or dollar spent on more technological toys STARVES ANOTHER AFRICAN GUATAMALAN [sic], MEXICAN, ALL NATIONS. We as citizens of the capitalist world of competition no longer have borders, so every individual is an individual of the world, not of their country You and I are selfish because we care about our countries. We care about the cultures, which are being destroyed in the name of materialism. It is a way of ending the tyranny of some countries, but at what price? A little more tyranny for countries like mine or Germany or England.” “You wrote, as long as countries like yours receive the help of countries like mine, these methods of BS will prevail. The US never helped the Philippines. The US exploits and rapes the Philippines! And you need lobotomy.”

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“Globalization has happened so stop living in what it could have been or what it could be. Start living in the now. Globalization is here and it is here to stay. It is part of the transformation of mankind and the world. We must learn to adjust instead of living in the past.” “The Chinese are not materialistic? Really? Have you ever been to China at all? JFC! You should come here. To this very fucking day, the Chinese I know in the Philippines get married in the name of good business! To this very day, the Chinese here practice pre- arranged marriages because of MONEY! As far as I’ve seen it is more the rule than the exception. Try visiting Shanghai. It will give you a new meaning to the word materialism!” “Stop talking about the Chinese! You don’t know them. You knew one Chinese who was your ex lover. And she’s more fucked up than the rest of the world. So don’t pretend you know the Chinese just because you knew one who was mentally deranged.” “How can you say dumb tourists who constantly take pictures are soulful? If they are soulful, they would spend their time feeling the sight and savoring the experience instead of raping the moment by taking photographs! You mentioned Venice and Florence. Have you ever been there? Because like most Americans, I don’t think you’ve ever been abroad.” “You wrote I am expendable. We were all born to die. I know exactly when I am going to die. For someone like me, death is a gift. And I’d rather be fighting than hiding like you.” “You compare yourself to a gay Jesuit. I compare myself to no one. I am the only ONE. There is no one else like me on earth today and beyond. So how could you possibly understand how I see the world?” “Your name calling reminds me of all narcissists. My parents never changed, but when they called me a flower child, I called them

195 MARLENE AGUILAR names in return. I call them the PMS generation. I am a mature adult now. I don’t use these word-calling methods of childhood anymore. You do because I am still wondering if you have any adults in your life. Although I want Paulie to be near, if ever meet you, it’s only to curb that tongue of yours. What does Maya think of it? You need to keep it up with the G-men, only because they are little boys with big toys. Daaammmnnn!” “Kudos to Heidelberg’s untouched culture and kudos to your self- education. The practice in self-education is in who you choose to talk with. Most people I speak with are academes.” “Many of those who work in GU, are also boys because they did not spend the last thirty years outside the university, as I have. “You call it Narcissism. I call it truth. I forgive you. You are an academe - so far detached from the reality of this matrix. So you like Paulie? I knew you were gay. And what’s wrong with flower child? That name suits you, flower child.” “Most of the people you talk to are academes. That’s incestuous. That’s why your mind is stuck.” “You want to curb my tongue. Really? How much do you want to bet I break your nuts before you touch my skin?” “Do you hate me yet pussycat? Tell me you hate me. Goddamn, it Dick! Arguing with you gives me nosebleed. At least Gabriel was funny to banter with. He was hilarious because he can laugh at himself, whereas you have no sense of humor at all. Tell me honestly, when was the last time you got a hard-on? I feel bad for your dick, Dick. You’re bad company.” “I would suggest you read my entire script as I read yours. Think about the whole thing for 12. -15 minutes before you answer. Complements [sic] will get you further with me than this lip of yours. You are egotistical like your G-men. You use what I have told

196 MIRROR OF MIND you about my personal life to directly assault me, is what shrinks do before prescribing pharmaceuticals. I am trying to get you to grasp your self. I have heard this last life gobbledygook from many spiritualists. You are far too immersed in the world for this to be your last life. You see, you did it again. Strike this post as I will strike your last one. We are both too enlightened and spiritual for such egotistical words.” “‘Wow! You are trying to get me to grasp myself. The prey is going to tell the predator about herself. Right! What did I say about your opinions? Since you wouldn’t last three days in my world, your opinions about my life mean shit.” “If I were your shrink, I wouldn’t suggest you take drugs my flower child because you are so fucked up.” “Oh Dick, grow up. I am enjoying this mental sparring even if you’ve insulted me. I enjoy it, nonetheless, because nothing you could say to me could touch my inner self. You just don’t see it do you? I am multi-faceted. Like I said, you do not have the mental capacity to fathom my mind, like those pompous narrow-minded military men I argue with in WOH.” “There are around 100 million people in the Philippines. Most of them condemned me during my darkest hour because of the hate propaganda the government paid for, using the media. The entire nation called me every kind of name you could imagine. They attacked me 24/7 in cyberspace. Still, I am here stronger than ever. No man will tell me who I am. I KNOW WHO I AM. Unlike you, I don’t hide from the world. I have survived many worlds. So please stop pretending you know me. In addition, if I were to choose between yellow-bellied narrow-minded, judgmental academes like you and the G-men you talk about, I’d choose the latter. Why? In reality Dick, this world is about survival of the fittest. And my

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Gabriel and Caesar would annihilate 200 hundred pussies like you before you even realize they were there.” “You can’t stand my name-calling? You are talking to someone who has been condemned by an entire nation. The same people I protected condemned my entire family and me. But how could you even begin to grasp what that pain is like when you hide in your little hole like a frightened child?” “Men like you made me loathe structured education. I walked away from college because of academes like you. Still, I am grateful for men like you. You made me realize that formal education is for second-class citizens who wouldn’t know how to handle life without it.” “Love and hate are the words of man. It’s non-existent. Yin and yang are better description. Yin means turning inward towards the inner light. But you believe yin is destruction. Spoken as a true egotist. Without the outside or yang, the ego has no existence. Indeed, it is unnecessary, after 21. Thank Paulie for me please. No, I will not play the game of hate you desire. You are married and I will not play that game with you.” “Love and hate are non-existent. Are you sure you’re not talking to me from a mental institution in the States?” “What does Maya think of your mouth? I insult mothers in my neighborhood for such words in front of their children. Continuing cycle of BS got to stop sometime.” “Wow. You’ve become so desperate, you’ve actually found the necessity to include my sweet little daughter Maya in our argument. You are such a scum for bringing my daughter into this. You think that would get to me, flower child? Now, why would I ever speak to my precious little girl the way I’d speak to a narrow-minded little shit like you? Anyway, here is my reply to your ludicrous question.

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How does your father see you, Dick? Does he still see you as the nobody you have always been?” “I think you and Paulie would be perfect together.” “As far as yin and yang, listen to me flower child. The last thing an ignorant uncultured American such as you should do is tell an Asian like me what yin and yang is. Jesus, Dick! The theory of opposites is physics. For every force, there is an opposite force that comes with it. The only way you could even begin to understand these two unseen forces that give life to all that is, here and beyond, is if you could detach from your external self. And in your case, I seriously do not believe that is possible in this lifetime.” “BTW, I was wrong about you and Paulie. You wouldn’t be good for each other. That’s because like me, he loves to say bad words. It’s part of his freedom. Honestly, if you told him what you thought of yin and yang, he’d probably cut your head off instantly. No, no. Wait. Wait. That would be too kind. That’s not Paulie. I think he’d cut your dick off, put it in a blender on high speed, then he would feed the schmaltz to you. Wait. Wait. That may not be enough for Paulie either. I’d say he’d do both. He’d cut your dick off. Put it in a blender. Then he’d cut your head off after he fed you your mushed dick. Yes, I think that would suffice Paulie.” “I still think you’d be perfect for my best friend. She doesn’t drink alcohol, coffee or even tea. She doesn’t smoke. And what is most important, she does not say BAD words, just like you! See. On top of that you are both academes. The two of you should get married and move to Singapore. That place is like you. It is so sanitized, it feels like a surgical room.” “You know, I seriously believe you are a closet homosexual. Have you ever had a man put his hard throbbing dick inside your mangina from behind? You should try it. If the right person does it, it is very,

199 MARLENE AGUILAR very, very sensually arousing. I say such an act would liberate you from your narrow existence.” “But how could a man like you find the right sexual partner? I don’t know if I could imagine screwing a man who doesn’t say bad words. Jesus! Fucking is dirty. It’s better when it’s dirty. The mind is the biggest sex organ of all. Because your mind is sterile, sex with you would be futile, Dick.” “I told you earlier that I would push you to the abyss and that I would drive you nuts. So congratulate me, Dick, because I believe I’m doing a great job! Pussycat!” “Started Chapter 1 of your 2nd book. I went back to chapter 4 of first book and read it again. Does it not seem to you, that the death and destruction that America perpetuates in their Military Industrial Complex simply perpetuate the dependency that you say causes the weakness in human beings? Every time someone is battered, takes a pill, drinks alcohol excessively, even feels hatred towards others; a bond of dependence is created.” “Most of dumb mankind is dependent with or without the US military. I got very angry with my father. Anger is an emotional expression, which has nothing to do with dependency. My father physically battered me. I have to take pills for migraine. Yet, I am the most independent person I know.” “You said in Chapter 1 what bothered your father the most when he beat you were the times you said nothing. This is the warrior of heaven in you because his desire to make himself indispensable to you through punishment was answered with FU. You did not need his need. This is the same with institutions. However, can anyone grow up enough to get institutions off their backs? The purpose of institution is to provide services for a fee. Since we live in a world where those who are not well educated and those who are

200 MIRROR OF MIND undernourished will always be more dependent, some have to pay more for these services than others. The tyranny of institutional laws is when the weak are not helped more, when the strong don’t share more. Your father and mine prepared us for the loneliness and idiocy of adult institutions. We know how to rave against the machine. The catholic prep school elites are only prepared to follow, listen, copy the ways of their elite parents. The Filipinos who only speak bad English are dependently looking for their elite father. This is what capitalism does. What we need to understand is that capitalism is not social at all.” “There are no capitalist institutions of democracy. Capitalism means dependency upon the capital people, capital ideas, capital objects. It is a political system of judgment according to classes of the right. There is no individuality in classification of better and worse rights. No one can be more right than Americans because we create the same dependencies as our fathers did to us as children, except this is being done to the world. Capitalism is a World Trance that creates a dependency on the value of money rather than independence upon the value of people.” “Whoever can make the most money is the most valuable. Once this dependency state is dropped, kindness replaces sexuality as a form of pleasure. Intimacy or going beyond the wall, complete submission to another human only occurs when dependency is over. Asking someone when was the first time he had sex means nothing. Ask them what they thought of, how their first sex smelled, what they did after. This will tell you what is missing to help you to better intimidate them. But guess what, you can only intimidate into submission, these men of institutions for one night or one hour. That will not get them to smell intimacy of sex. They will only superficially experience sex like going to a scary movie. You will

201 MARLENE AGUILAR experience sexual intimacy but not personal intimacy. This can also be a trap of dependency. Personal intimacy is when 2 people wake the next morning feeling, smelling, tasting the personal intimacy, so that one allows the other to see through her every moment of every day. Dependency is for those who do not choose to know themselves intimately, nor anyone else. Capitalism is for dependent people. The opposite of what they would think. You are right, we could talk forever.” “I love this narrative of yours. Thank you for that. May I ask you what you studied in Georgetown?” “I studied as a Psychology pre - med student. I ended with a major in psychology, minor in philosophy and with one course away from a minor in Theology. Georgetown taught me that both science and religion are only systems of thought. They are not systems of nature. All hypotheses since the human mind invents these systems to allay anxiety.” “In order to feel my books, you will have to set aside your knowledge from structured education. Your inner self must read the books, not your outer self. The latter belongs to this world. Whereas your inner self is connected to the world beyond.” “Would you consider me as your national health care minister. How powerful are the western med doctors there?” “You couldn’t hold an appointed position since you are not Filipino. I suppose I could give you a job as a consultant when the time comes, but you will have to understand the culture here so you could fit in. It is best to be the power behind the puppet. You know what I mean?” “I would never put my best men on the front line. The appointed officials that the public sees shouldn’t be my best men. If they are criticized for some misfortune, I can always change them. But the

202 MIRROR OF MIND true power that runs the show should remain unharmed. Do you see what I’m saying? The real power is the hidden factor, which is the phantom the public never sees.” “My foremost agenda is the environment. We have to fix the environment that gives the very essence of life to people. I have a genius of a sister who specializes in protecting nature. We’ve discussed how she would address cleaning land, water and air. She ‘s one of the environmental specialists who designed the garbage management program for the Sultan of Brunei many years ago.” “BTW, we don’t have foreign doctors here. We have competent local doctors. It’s the facilities in public hospitals that are in the dark ages.” “You’re already talking like a politician. The key, as you said is maintaining the gifted mind. I had a wonderful influence at Georgetown, which introduced me to concepts I am still trying to put my brain around.” “Talking like a politician????? WHEN DID I DO THAT? Jesus fucking Christ! You just brought my fangs out. The problem with you is you don’t trust yourself. And you are not used to talking to a confident and open woman like me, since you have only loved retarded sick women in your past. Here you go. Read my lips. FUCK YOU!” “I was talking about the puppet surrogate designation. Geeeez. You are jumpy. Maybe I get it, now. I can never address you as anything but Marlene. No joking, no labeling, not even in jest. I get it and I understand why. No problem. I love you and I can work with this. Signed On YOUR SIDE.” “The US abducted a Japanese in jail the other day. This man had vowed to die and kill for me. The latter he’s done. And he would do the same until he dies because I saved his life once. I’ve been dealing

203 MARLENE AGUILAR with tragedy like this every week for the past three years.” “And a minute ago, I emailed the narrative below to Caesar –” “I spent almost the whole day pacifying a top local government official who was on the verge of suicide because of US double dealing. JFC! He said he’d buy grenades and take his entire family inside his house and blow them all up. He said he’d rather die with his entire family than become a slave of the US. Dear god, when will they stop doing this? How could I continue living like this?” “So you see, if you want to piss me off, call me a politician. Because that’s the last thing I’d ever be! I will survive those motherfuckers in Washington DC. But I will never be like them.” “You must know, you don’t write clearly. You can’t write the way you talk. Writing is different. I told you, I’m reading our dialogue again so I can understand you better. I had to re-arrange your writing in order for me to fathom your thoughts better.” “If you continue to write the way you do, others wouldn’t understand you. I had to reconstruct your statements so I could make sense out of them. Speech is different from written declarations. You have to learn to write in complete sentences. Geez! You’re the academe here. Did they not teach you how to organize your thoughts in written form when you attended GU?” “You say some amazing things. But if you don’t write them well, then your readers are not going to understand you. Some of your thoughts should be printed for public consumption. But not the way you present them. Believe me, it’s not easy to impress me with mind. I love some of your thoughts, but if you want to write a book, then you must learn to arrange your thoughts for public viewing. Does that make sense to you? Listen to your Mommy, Dick. Read what I wrote above so you could feel what I am saying. Come on, pussycat.”

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“I don’t know which topic to discuss first. You want stories about political families. One. I am impressed and shocked at my own quote about the end of God too. You and I have entered the religion of self belief, but not the Jewish tradition. First, get out of your mind that Christ and the trinity, a dynamic image for guidance has anything to do with Judeo Christianity. I will never forget the day one man stated early on in meeting, that Christians and Jews were similar. Just like your Caesar, they embellish to make us belong to them or their camp, not to respect or know us. Their role is control through fear of the unknown.” “Dick, Caesar is a nice man. He would be a great man if the box didn’t contain him. I have communicated with him almost every day for the past six years. Still, except for once we have never shared any deep conversation. I don’t believe that is ever possible unless he allows himself more freedom of expression.” “Their role is to control through fear. Now I’m frustrated. Gotta go to my typewriter for my thoughts as I rose. You are right, I write as speech. This is the product of shame-induced education. No one, once said my ideas were intelligent or novel. EXCUSE me. Two teachers did. I am a screenplay or best at dialogue. I admit, I really wish people would get away from this rigid form of grammar. It’s like writing underwater, in a bathysphere. I am writing with my index finger on a smartphone. That is another reason for my I don’t care attitude with grammar. What is wrong with people writing like they speak? I think people need to get used to the fact that there is no objectivity. My fingers are numb now.” “Keep reminding me that speech is different from written declarations Mother English. No, no teacher taught me grammar. Yet, I admit, I was found grammar difficult to learn. Their method of shame sucked and my anger at their childish attitude did not

205 MARLENE AGUILAR help. Once again, I am saying to you, if one adult child teacher said once to me, ‘this is a great idea. I would like to help you express it better.’ I would have learned. Their methods were all punitive. As far as learning through your girls, all there is is Arym and Precy. I don’t chase anyone. I only comment on their wall when they expressed distress. I learn by listening. Empathy is the only way to learn. Sympathy is what people give when they feel sorry. Empathy is what is given when they feel love. It is a form of admiration. If I had had English teachers who were interested in helping me express my ideas, I would have worked to learn their method. Since they acted in sympathy, I refused.” “I learned grammar through reading good books. I hated structured education. I educated myself. Also, I’m too passionate to feel sympathy. When I see red, I feel it as well. There is only empathy for me.” “You only comment on the girls’ walls when they express distress you say. That’s not what you said earlier. You said, you talk to them through the chat box because they help you counsel young women there.” “Expect a call from me. I want you to tell me about the story you mentioned earlier concerning the division in DC. Are you sulking again because of my comments? If you are, get over it! Now.” “I don’t sulk, however I ruminate, like a Zen cat. The division is not about money or defense. It is about old values and new. America was always about god, country and family. We have spoken about God. Globalization has contributed to secularism. America of course is last to adapt to post modern secularism. When thinking of division, think of the number of baby boomers like me, and all those older. The accumulated wealth and power is actually among those who are 60 years old and over. When I was 15, most people

206 MIRROR OF MIND died at this age.” “America wore out people with stress and WW2. THOSE who did not go to war and those who spent some time in Korea are still as traditional as George Washington. I wonder what he would think of gay marriage. There are also the traditional who are in the group representing those who are 45-55 years old set, who are trying to live the American dream of having two children only. They have family vacations and many of their wives are still home.” “All those under 45 years of age are completely postmodern out of necessity. For these people it’s an economic and moral necessity to have no god, country or family. These Americans live the lies of corporations at work. They feel guilt with survival and a paycheck. Here we have gay marriage, single parent families, anti capitalist sentiment at home along with food on the table but that is not enough. They have no enjoyable culture. They have part time jobs to send their child to the doctor but not to college. These are the younger conservatives who believe we can turn the clock back to the 50s. They believe that if morals were more conservative the values of families, god and country will return to America once again. They know nothing of history. They only know Reaganism and onward. They respect their parents the way I respected my grandparents. Why? Money. The only motive in America now is material. Morals are not instilled in children, only money and profit motivates people. So we have those under 45 by default, with no nation or god or family. Then we have those over 60 who remember the good days of the fifties and sixties. The latter can hold onto nothing but money to maintain the phantasy of America. There is more altruism in the nation. Therefore we have no nation.” “There are two political camps. We have the conservatives and liberals. The latter wish to end nationalism. They are citizens of

207 MARLENE AGUILAR the world, not our nation. They live for corporate profit spreading the wonders of movies, western beauty, clothes, handbags and pocketbooks and shoes. It’s all about the visual not the inner beauty at all. They wish to move secularism along, not understanding that without god, country, family or flag, there is no American individual.” “Then we have the fossils, I call them. Rosh Limbaugh will explain their philosophy best. The tea party conservative are actually secular. They are not Christian at all. They are a revival of the witch burning Luddites or puritans from Plymouth rick with one big difference. No vow to poverty, chastity and humility. There is the way of denial. They are the PMS, paranoid men with schizoid tendencies. Your military men think like them. Except, the military men don’t lie about a belief in God as the tea partiers do. I call them TPs a revival of the protestant revolution of Luther in Europe. TPs believe in the Bible the way, radical Muslims believe in the Koran as their book of rules. Literal word for word rules are for those who live in their phantasies in the long dead America that doesn’t exist anymore except in their schizoid phantasy. Although the rest of the Republican Party says they are different, they are just pretending. They state agnosticism and atheism, when that is mostly because they are the older generation that is now denying a judgment day. They believed in judgment day until they reach the age of 50. After that, no matter how hard someone works to avoid self-review it is inevitable. They live dual lives. They are the true capitalists, the two- faced lying and cheating devils. They refuse the liberty of the new world that asks their interns to do them favors in the modern way.” “Those with the most tradition are the immigrants, legal and illegal, who send their money home or save it like people did in the 50’s.” “TPs are worse hypocrites than their fathers ever were. Now what

208 MIRROR OF MIND motivates both parties is money, because it is their only security. They don’t believe in the afterlife. They don’t even believe in family. They stick around only for money. You can’t base nationality on money. US of M - M for masochism. This means metaphorically, everyone is conservative except when all hits the pocketbooks. Each party today is simply whining that corporate profits make us sing like we did in the 50’s, but the products destroy the fabric of human interaction. So which method does the American people choose – liberal or conservative that goes back to the basic of putting values in god, country and family or anything goes?” “No one in America realizes that these three myths are over. Smart happy people don’t stay married after the kids are gone. Most think marriage is prison. They might get married only because their occupation demands it for credibility.” I wanted to talk to Dick in real time for two reasons. Let me remind you again. One, if he was sent to me by a man or a group of men in DC, he wouldn’t want to talk to me in real time. I didn’t think he’d speak to me. But I was hoping he would have a recorded message on his phone. So I called him right about the time I was reading the message above. He didn’t pick up but I heard his voice through the recorded message on his phone. Let’s move along. “You messed up my last post. We will talk in the future. Not now. I don’t like that you did that. Say you’re sorry.” “I did not text you, genius. I called you and you didn’t answer. That was rude. You have no manners!” “It’s going to take me time to re-structure you’re writing so I can understand what you’re saying. Your writing has improved though. You see when you speak you can go back and forth. You can speak using phrases. However, when you write you must state your

209 MARLENE AGUILAR thoughts and ideas in a chronological order that brings harmony to the reader, like drawing a painting on a canvas. Get it? You have never really known any woman as intelligent, capable and confident as I am have you?” “Okay, I’ve edited your long narrative. I love it. Thank you for your insights on American society. It is enlightening.” “Did you ever ask yourself why you chose terribly dysfunctional women as lovers in the past? And why you chase younger women? Is it maybe because you are intimidated by confident women?” “Also, how could you possibly describe your past relationships as ‘jumping into the abyss’? You’re an intelligent man. Why would you jump into the abyss with individuals who suffer from mental illness? That’s like jumping from a plane using a defective parachute. The naked truth is there was no abyss in those relationships of yours, only dead-end streets. Good morning, Dick.” Dick didn’t answer this message. He was quiet for a whole day. So I wrote him again. “It’s okay, Dick. Don’t be scared. I won’t call you again. Know this about me. I don’t care so much for men who are afraid of me. And you are afraid of me. You see, unlike you I don’t find younger men interesting as you do younger women. What makes a man attractive to me is his exceptional mind. I mean, he must be exceptional with both left and right side of his brain. That is so extremely rare in this world. I already have someone like that in my life. Plus, even if a man was born with a good mind, there are things he could only learn through years of living in this matrix. The best education is life experience.” “Jesus, younger men chase me on FB. What the hell could they possibly offer me? Sex? Screwing a dildo is better than sex with most

210 MIRROR OF MIND men. In addition, I would never have sex with a man for physical reasons. I outgrew that a long time ago. So don’t be scared, pussycat. I don’t want anything from you other than mental engagement. You are educating me about your material world. And I am grateful for that more than you know.” “You are safe with me. Unless you are a god on earth, my Mariana is not interested in your sex.” “Buddhist monks are capable of giving a person an operation for the 3rd eye. It is a process of meditation between the monk and the person that would allow the latter to open his 3rd eye. I can do this for you if we see each other in person someday. But it can only be done with full trust on both parties.” “After a long interview with the older oracles many years ago, they told me this. ‘What I know about yin and yang, what I know about healing takes Buddhist monks many years to understand. How did I know all this?’ they asked me. I said, ‘I learned it through trance.’” “Then you are being educated directly from above,” they replied. “Oh and BTW, I am including some of our narrative in my next non-fiction book called Mirror of my Mind. Don’t worry. I’ve changed your name to Dick. I’m just letting you know.” I would like to state here that I have never done this before. I mean I have asked others permission before I decided to include their narrative in my books. I’m not sure why my inner self drove me to treat Dick differently. “What’s the matter, Dick? Whatever it is, get over it. Face the unknown. Face me.” “Confront me without fear. This way, you will grow and you will learn to know yourself better. You should be wise enough to realize there is no other soul like me in this matrix. So don’t run. Face me and speak out.”

211 MARLENE AGUILAR

“Happy Easter? This is a very meditative holiday for me filled with much ritualistic reflection, purging and enlightenment. As the spring season arises, I have much less desire to connect to this machine. Nothing against you.” “It’s okay. I overwhelm everyone. Paulie says that people should get inoculated before they confront me. He says I am like a powerful drug that is injected into the psyche of a person upon confrontation. My partner agrees with Paulie. He says that is why people either run from me or run to me. He says the latter are the brave ones who seek enlightenment.” “You see, you are attracted to emotionally disturbed women because those relationships put you in control. That is also why you seek engagement with girls in their 20s like the lost souls on my wall. You’re in control when communicating with them. You have never known a woman like me. For you and for most people, I am the unknown. So run inside your hole, Dick, and surround yourself with darkness and silence. Either that or go outside into the light and embrace the energy of the sun. That would help.” “BTW, both Paulie and my partner say that because I am like a powerful drug, I am addicting. So run Dick. Run!” “By the way. I haven’t read last two days’ narrative. I’m sorry, but I need to move on now. You are too much time, right now. Enjoy the start of spring.” “The academe caves in. Yay!” “I take the ‘yay’ back. I’m not pleased you caved in. I did warn you I was going to drive you crazy.” “I just wanted you to try and see your life from a different perspective. I will miss you if you run from me. I’m sorry, pussycat, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” “I know I have the ability to strike people where it hurts. I’m a

212 MIRROR OF MIND master at it. That’s because my father taught me how to annihilate a man’s psyche from age three. It’s the product of my violent background. I know I hurt you. I thought you’d recover fast and strike me back. I realize now you don’t strike. You run instead. So I learned something about you. Anyway, I’m really, really sorry for hurting your feelings. I miss you. So please come back.” “This is what you want? I have read your previous posts in spite of your derogatory comments. I am over the infatuation of your charm. Now maybe, we can talk about the 5 elements and a human God. Both are systems of symbols. They are man made. Total phantasy because its all man has the capacity to do. A human myth simply allows the worshipper [sic] of icons to worship human, imagine human, attempt to be human. Your belief in the devil, evil or the dark side is another form of worship or phantasy. Choose your icon. If it’s a system that works for you, fine.” “Evil is ignorance in my system of myth. It allows me to forgive all impinging adults who victimize me with their sympathy. I made it without them and I am not angry. They are fools and have taught me early on to not be apart of their games. You have anger, which is because of your need for bettering your country. You have still to learn how not to project that onto all men. But you continue to have these angry men in your life. It is familiar to you just as lame women were familiar to me. But I do not allow the lame to enter my life anymore.” “You use the angry men as tools because it is a wish fulfillment to resolve your child drama. Once I was told my drama of an annihilating mother would be fulfilled if I married a wife like that and tamed her. I choose to tame and avoid the closeness of such lame, angry, clever women. I want honesty, humility, self-achievement with no pride, and strength with no power. If I had a child, if either

213 MARLENE AGUILAR lover had not aborted, I too, would care about the institutions of my country. So I completely understand your anger. Just try not to dish it out to me. “You are right about 5 elements. The most important books are in China, during the revolution were burned. There is connection between earth and fire. YES air is part of this connection. It is the metal element that brings consciousness through breath. Breath can create the ether, which helps the third eye. You are right, my throat and third eye are next to open. I know in my mind of my meaning, but I do not see it, in future or past lives. My consciousness is limited to this world. I’m not sure that I want to see or when I’ll be ready. I have never been in a hurry. Should I be according to your clock? How will it benefit me? In honesty, Marlene, I feel I have seen too much already. I read to explain what I have seen. My explanations make me want to be a monk or stay living within.” “Inside me is my inner-self, which is detached from this realm. So that part of me is totally enlightened. Therefore, that part of me has no anger. That part of me has no emotions really. And it is that part of me that is talking to you now.” “My external self, on the other hand, is filled with passion and emotions. Name any emotion, and I have it stronger and deeper than what most people will ever experience - from love to hate and everything in between. But here is the exception. I don’t feel envy or greed. My emotions are why my writing is so powerful. I use those emotions to give meaning to my words. This is why I can touch the hearts and souls of my readers. Yes, I have almost every kind of emotion in every shade possible. But those emotions do not own me. They don’t control me, not at all.” “My emotions are my tools. They are tools of expression. I can cry because that expresses my feelings. I can withdraw those tears

214 MIRROR OF MIND like switching off the light. I get angry when the situation demands it. But I can turn it off at will. I can do that with every emotion.” “I use words to get to you. I have the ability to get to people. I have the proficiency to strike people at the core of their pain. That’s me. But there are very, very few I want to get to. There are very, very few people I want to communicate with in this manner. The only man I truly verbally abused so horridly was Gabriel. And I did it for a vital reason. I needed to get to know him better because he is part of my fate.” “Is Gabriel driven by anger? I believe so. I believe he is also driven by his addiction to danger. There is no man I know on earth who has touched my blackness the way Gabriel has. No man has ever stood up to my blackness the way he has. For that reason, he has gained my respect. So, I have chosen him to assist me in the future. Why? Mainly, because he is the only man I know on earth who can temper my wrath.” “Is Caesar an angry man? No. He isn’t, not at all. Caesar is a clear-headed and compassionate man. Moreover, because he was born in Europe and because he has Asian blood in him, he has the grace of an Oriental man. Not all these men in the US military are driven by anger.” “I’m really sorry that I hurt your feelings. I did it to get closer to you. I had to. I see the future, Dick. You don’t. So I react to the future in advance. I follow the voice of my inner self. And everything I do, I do for a crucial reason. “I am not driven by my anger. I am driven by my destiny.” “Sounds like you get it now. Anger does not get you closer. As far as seeing and reacting to what you call the future: you may be right when you speak of your country and your side of the world. Yes. But you have no clue about my world, my life, my purpose or

215 MARLENE AGUILAR meaning in life. This is why you cannot label or categorize what I can and cannot do in relationships, the social world or my psyche in general. I am giving you info about American couples of money and status, their hold on their children and my nation. You personalize what I say as an opinion and question my voracity.” [sic] “All along, you say I am the most intelligent and you don’t let everyone in. You say thank you for your input, I put you in it as Dick etc. You are not good with politeness. You needed to ask me first, instead of saying ‘oh, by the way I will include your narrative in my next book.’ Its like your call, I know you didn’t learn manners through corporal punishment of father, but now wouldn’t you like to learn some for the rest of your life?” “I avoid all anger and angry people. If they can speak their complaints without lashing out at me, even then, I have a limit. In fact, I sometimes feel I only want to listen to kids anger, to try to teach them how it is disguised determination. To express your point without your passion will connect you to more people. They will call you a genius instead of psychotic. This is what I tell myself too. Every day. America prescribes antidepressants to kids who speak up in anger, making things worse. So maybe, that’s it. Your anger helps you to write your books, which I still say, are fiction because it is written from your perspective of seeing the future. I am more of a documentary writer, which you have not seen. I would rather do social fiction, but alas, I may be too repressed. If that changes, I have to choose to and I would have to allow your method of ‘ driving me crazy”, trusting that it would give me a desired end of my liking. I have not chosen this. “WHAT I like about our postings is your input about my writing in general. Yet this here, is not a good reflection. At all. I come here to play at it, to not take myself so seriously. I liked the idea of

216 MIRROR OF MIND reading fiction about people who I think (personality types), have kidnapped the American common man. I pay no attention to any rules here in writing. This is a phone replacement for me.” “Now back to basics. If you could periodically replace the chapters so I don’t have to scroll evertime [sic] ch 5&6. These conversations are not light. When I work now, it is also not light. I need some comic relief. With you, I just need breaks now and again. No reason to post all day when I am resting. I will only post daily in morn here. It’s my morning coffee table. Can I call you something other than dragon? If I am pussycat, how about I call you pup or puppycat?” “Why should I ask you permission to include our discussion in my book? One, I don’t give your real name. Two, by the time I’m done with editing your poor writing, you don’t even recognize you wrote it! That’s what you said when I showed you the difference between your original composition and my edited version. Asking your permission for me would mean asking to include your real name and it also means I would present your original text in my novel. I can’t do that. I can’t do that because I’m afraid some of my readers might burn my book because of your bad grammar!” “I never said you’re the most intelligent. I said I love your intellect. That’s different. My former lovers were highly superior in mind because I only fall in love with men’s minds and souls. NO, you are not the most intelligent man I have encountered. The intellect of the fathers of Jason and Maya I’d say are the intellect of gods on earth.” “Your intellect reminds me of that of my former lover James Ryan. The Vatican Church knighted his father. He was American. I also loved James’ intellect, but I never thought it equaled mine.” “You said I should express my point without passion because that will connect me to more people. If I did that I’d be writing like an

217 MARLENE AGUILAR academe, which means I would hate my writing. I know I am one of a kind. If I write like an academe, I’d just be one of the many.” “Passion is everything in this life. Passion is magic. It is the magic in my writing. It is the magic in music, dance, acting, paintings and film. It is the magic in art. It is the magic in me. Unfortunately, a man like you wouldn’t have clue what passion is, because you do not have it.” “Let me ask you this. Have you ever eaten pussy? The reason I ask is judging from your statement suggesting I write with no passion, I bet you’ve never eaten pussy before. You wouldn’t know how. You see passion is key to sex as well. Actually, passion is key to this existence. Without it, life is futile.” This exchange of communication with Dick began on February 20, 2013 and ended on April 3, 2013. So who is Dick? Is he real? Or is he not? Does he work for the US government? Did someone send him to talk to me? If so, who sent him? Did the brotherhood of pussies in Washington DC send him? Or did one man within this imperious clan in DC send Dick to me? If so, who? Who sent him? Why? Or is it just fate that sent him to me? During our dialogue, was I truthful to Dick? Was I being honest? On the other hand, was he truthful and honest? What do you think? Listen to your inner voice. It will tell you the truth.

218 Chapter 4

Great Mother of All

July 8, 2013, my mind awoke this morning with the sound of various birds chirping away. I kept my eyes closed for a moment savoring the experience, allowing my consciousness to dance with the symphony of the band of winged mortals singing with glee, greeting the rising sun. The birds performed their festive concerto, while my father Ra floated brightly in the morning sky, glowing naked for the world to bask upon. I noticed one curious sound I have never heard before coming from one remarkable bird. Its voice rose above the rest creating a pitch I shall never forget. The creature created such a naughty and prying tune it made me smile. I opened my eyes gradually. It was then I noticed the fine white mosquito netting around the four-poster bed where I lay. The walls around me were painted white, including the ceiling. Soft and dreamy light crept through the windows, which were covered with natural beige cloth. In the background, the birds went on with their symphony. I listened to them with delight while my eyes continued to explore the room I found myself in. Then I became aware of the fine linen covering my naked body. I love the sensual feeling of

219 MARLENE AGUILAR natural fabric caressing my bronze skin. I looked up again and stared at the high ceiling. This time I noticed the slabs of teak that ran horizontally to my right and vertically to my left. These pieces of wood met at an angle creating L shapes across the white ceiling. A few meters from the foot of the bed was an alcove, situated at the center of the wall. The niche had a couch with cushions covered with the same beige cheesecloth that was used as curtains to shield the three windows to my right. Above the couch was a window covered with brown wooden blinds. To the right side of the nook was a cabinet of drawers paired with a three-quarter-length mirror framed with wood. My eyes shifted to the opposite side of the alcove. There I saw two small horizontal watercolor paintings depicting the beach. They hung on the wall side by side. In turn, I became aware of the long tapestry measuring some ten feet in height and three feet wide that hung at the end of the wall to the left side of the bed. It depicted soldiers of the past, male warriors on horseback from ancient times in Ceylon. The artwork was painted with the softest shades of green, blue, yellow, and red. I closed my eyes for a moment while tears rolled down the side of my right cheek. I felt joy and contentment that I hadn’t felt since my visit to Grand Turk last year. How glorious it was to be away from the vicious American men chasing me in the Philippines. I turned my face to my left and there was Steve still sound asleep. I glanced to my right again and saw the small cot propped against one of the windows running parallel to my bed. The mosquito netting around it was bound to a round hoop suspended from the wooden curtain rod. I saw Maya curled up in bed, the vision of her seemed to me like a dream. She lay there sleeping so still and quiet,

220 MIRROR OF MIND embraced by some divine and gossamer light. The sight of her made me imagine she was sleeping in heaven. It was the image of my beautiful daughter in slumber that made me realize I had woken in Sri Lanka. I looked to my left again and for a moment I stared at Steve sleeping. Then I thought of the fourteen years I had spent with this man whose remarkable mind I shall never be able to describe. Then I remembered the long and tiring journey that brought us to this exotic place. I felt hunger. At that same moment, I saw Steve’s eyes open gently. “I’m hungry,” I whispered to him. “Let’s get breakfast.” “We’ll have to go to the hall where they serve food,” he answered sleepy. “Let’s get ready then,” I said. “Maya, get up! We’re getting ready for breakfast,” I stated. “She can stay in bed a few more minutes while we take our showers. Let her rest,” Steve told me. “Maya, your father says you can stay in bed a few more minutes while we get ready. You don’t have to get up just yet,” I told her. “Okay,” Maya replied half asleep. I got up from bed and noticed the hand made rug on the floor adorned with earthy, terra cotta tones. It was then I realized I was in a large room that measured some seventy square meters in size. I glanced to my left and saw the three-seater couch below the tapestry decked with cushions in pastel blue and beige. There was a black coffee table in front of it filled with British magazines. I also noticed the brown and beige hand made rug in front of the boxed window. After a quick inspection of the bedroom, I proceeded to the bathroom, stepping on another handmade rug and passing by a large teak cabinet to my right. The white lavatory was large, measuring

221 MARLENE AGUILAR twenty-five square meters in size. It had two white sinks, which was a nice surprise. I don’t know anyone who can get ready and get dressed as fast as me. So I took my shower and got dressed in a jiffy. After I showered, Steve followed. Then Maya. Soon we opened the wooden door to our bedroom. This led to a long hallway. The hallway measured two and half meters wide and ten meters long. There were two large rattan armchairs at one end of the hall situated right outside our bedroom door. The chairs were propped diagonally against the wall. Another large tapestry hung on the wall between the two wing chairs. This one depicted various sorts of elephants in pastel hues of yellow, green and beige. Underneath the tapestry was a small brass Moroccan table. The tabletop measured some twelve inches in diameter. A beige candle sat on top of it with a small matchbox to its right. It pleased me to see a small library brimming with books right after this seating arrangement. It pleased me even more to see aged hardbound books resting on the shelves. The wall facing it was bejeweled with old prints in black and white depicting historical figures of men from colonial Britain. Underneath these frames was a wooden bookshelf bursting with paperbacks from one end to the other. Other travelers who had visited this place in the past must have left these books behind. Even the long red hand woven rug that graced the floor seemed ancient to me. How happy I was that Steve had found this place for us to get away to. At the end of the hall were two wooden framed doors standing side by side. It was the entrance to our suite. They were set with glass on top so you could see the world outside. Halfway down the wooden frames were louvers. When we reached the end of he hall, I opened the wooden doors, which took us to the lanai. I walked

222 MIRROR OF MIND forward and spotted the thick fog that hovered over the mountain in the far distance. The sight of the lush greenery that covered the mountain and the mist kissing the rainforest brought warmth to my heart. There is something so mystical about Southeast Asia, something that I have never found anywhere else in the world. Steve and Maya stood next to me staring at the view that greeted us. “How beautiful,” Steve stated gently. “It’s too bad they didn’t build the bedroom facing it.” “I suppose, they took the view for granted in those days when they built this place,” I uttered. I turned left to proceed to the dining hall. It was then I noticed that our suite was in the center of a bungalow. There was a door to its left and to its right. The other door was open so I peaked inside. I saw a queen-size four-poster bed. It was just a bedroom. Apparently, we had the biggest portion of the house. After that, Steve, Maya and I followed the stone path that led us to Ellerton’s spacious breakfast hall. The breakfast hall ran parallel to our bathroom. The stone path brought us to a covered cement walkway that was around one meter in width. It was draped with thick vine heavily burdened with bell-shaped purple flowers. Pots of anthurium plants lined both sides of the aisle. At the end of the path was jasmine crawling up the left side of the trellis, its white buds stuck out through the stems. At this point, we turned left and found ourselves surrounded by various thick and flowering tropical plants on both sides of the footpath, some of which were over six feet in height. When Steve, Maya and I reached the entrance to the place, I saw that the tables were covered with hand woven ramie in black, lightened with yellow and red tones. The restaurant could sit twenty people comfortably.

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The structure had a high ceiling and was around ninety square meters in size. There were two posts at the entrance of the place facing each other. There were two more sets of posts beyond that, which stood about six meters apart. The end of the edifice had a cemented wall that was thirty inches in height. The walls to the side running parallel to each other had the same, except they had open doorways facing one another leading to the gardens. Apart from the white cement walls on three sides of the edifice and the roof, the place was open to the elements and surrounded by beautiful lush and tropical greenery. There were two couches with pillows at the end of the room. They were set against the left and the back wall forming an L shape. There were also two armchairs facing the sofas. Between these wing chairs was a round basket laden with more British magazines. Then there was a square black coffee table at the center of this seating area measuring twenty-four inches on all four sides. On top of it was a stack of newspapers. I don’t know if the newspapers were current. Those things don’t interest me. To the right side of the settees was a six-seater table, facing the magnificent view of tropical rain forest. This woodland sat in a valley with the breathtaking view of the glorious mountain behind it. For me, this was the best table in the house. A Sri Lankan man wearing a red shirt and black pants greeted us. “Good morning,” he said with a big genuine smile glowing across his face. “Good morning,” Steve, Maya and I answered, successively. “We’d like to sit at the table at the end of the hall,” I told him. “Yes, madam,” he responded. I sat at one end of the table, facing the view. Maya sat next to me to my right. And Steve sat across her. In front of us was the

224 MIRROR OF MIND magnificent view of the rainforest. Directly across from me stood an ancient jackfruit tree only eight meters away, loaded with big and green spiky fruits. It measured over fifty feet in height and half of its trunk was covered with thick vine creeping from the earth. Standing parallel to it was a tree I’d never seen before. It had a beige trunk covered with moss. It was loaded with green fruits two inches in length and one inch in diameter. The Sri Lankans call this tree ambarella and they use its sour fruits for making chutney. They also use it for cooking curry. Immediately behind the towering bush was an avocado tree with some of its branches touching the trunk of the jackfruit. Two more avocado trees stood behind the first one to its left. The jackfruit was surrounded with all sorts of tropical trees and thick foliage, some growing on top of the other. Suddenly, I saw a squirrel crawling on the trunk of the jackfruit. Its profile faced us. “Maya! Look, a squirrel!” I yelled. Steve turned immediately to look at the direction I was pointing to. “That looks like a chipmunk,” he said. “No, it’s not. Chipmunks are smaller,” I answered. “That’s a small squirrel. It’s not as big as the ones I saw in Massachusetts though.” Out of nowhere another squirrel swiftly fell from the top of the jackfruit. The silver creature landed on one of the branches of the avocado right next to it with such astounding grace and precision it was thrilling to see. “Oh my god!” Maya screeched gasping. “Did you see that?” “Yes,” Steve replied. “That’s the first time I’ve seen a squirrel drop from a tree like that.” “I have,” I said. “Squirrels in Massachusetts used to fall like that from the big elm tree right outside my bedroom door.”

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Out of the blue, we saw a grey monkey jump down from the jackfruit toward the avocado next to it. It sat on a small branch chewing on something. “Oh my god, a monkey!” Maya shrieked. “There’s another one,” Steve declared. The newcomer was bigger than the first one. Immediately, it soared up a branch where there were two ripe jackfruits awaiting it. Instantly, it alighted right on top of the produce. It now sat directly above the first monkey, which remained on the same spot still chewing on something. Straight away the second creature began to attack the bigger fruit that measured some twelve inches in length and ten inches in diameter. Next thing I knew, it ripped the skin of the fruit open exposing its raw flesh. Then the simian began to snatch pieces of yellow meat from the jackfruit with both his hands stuffing his mouth with food. Without warning, the room was suddenly filled with the overwhelming sweet fragrance that came from the fruit. While both monkeys had their breakfast, several others of their kind, including two babies, followed suit claiming their own fruit to mug. They soared all over the trees like circus performers leaping up and down the branches with startling ease and grace. The sight of them was great entertainment for us. Imagine sitting at the breakfast table facing the rainforest while acrobatic and playful monkeys charm you. The fury animals feasted upon the jackfruits. After their meal, they all disappeared from our sight as fast as they had come. “How many monkeys do you think there were?” I asked Steve. “Around ten,” he replied. Soon after the delightful experience with the monkeys, our food was served. Steve and Maya had mushrooms, bacon, grilled

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tomatoes and toast for breakfast that was all cooked better than we anticipated. I had the same, including half of a poached egg. We also had freshly squeezed orange juice. Steve and I had local coffee with our meal, while Maya enjoyed her hot chocolate. All in all, we had a wonderful British breakfast. Sri Lanka is an island located in the northern Indian Ocean. It has written history that covers over three thousand years. The capital is called Sri Jayawardenapura-Kotte and the largest city is Colombo. The Republic of Sri Lanka is governed by a presidential system, which was born out of a civil war that lasted for thirty years. This revolution ended in a military victory in 2009. Sri Lanka was called Ceylon until 1972. It is a cradle to many religions, including Hinduism, Christianity, Islam and Buddhism. It has a wealthy Buddhist heritage. It is said that the first Buddhist documents were written on the island. Sri Lanka is also the home of various languages and ethnicities. It is the land of the aboriginal Vedda, Sinhalese, Moors, Burghers, Indian Tamils, Kaffirs and Malays. Because of its natural wonders, Sri Lanka is known as “The Pearl of the Indian Ocean.” And because of its inhabitants it is known as “The nation of smiling people.” July 9, 2013, it is now around five in the afternoon. I am sitting at the same table I described earlier on. Maya is sitting in the library near our bedroom playing some computer game. Steve is sitting on the couch to my left reading The Guardian. I hear the sound of rain and numerous kinds of birds chirping away creating all sorts of pleasant tunes. There is also the sound of Buddhist monks chanting in the background beyond this valley, their voice filling my soul with hope for a better world. I pray their sound goes all the way to very center of heaven. I sense they call for the survival of mankind. I hope the gods hear their prayers.

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Earlier this afternoon, while Steve and I took a nap, Maya began reading Warriors of Heaven. When I got up, I went to the bathroom. Next thing I knew, Maya was behind me smiling a naughty smile. “I finished two chapters from your book,” she said happily. “Two chapters in one sitting? Really? That’s amazing. You’re amazing. Why are you smiling a funny smile? Do you find my writing funny?” I asked. “Yes,” she said grinning. “What did you find funny in my book?” I queried. “Your swearing, it’s funny when you swear,” she said. “Really?” I asked her, laughing. “You find my swearing funny? Let me remind you, young lady. You’re allowed to swear only in front of Dad and me. The rest of the world can’t handle that kind of honesty.” Earlier on while we were having lunch, Maya saw an eagle soaring above our bungalow. “Look!” she yelled out of the blue. “There’s an eagle.” Quickly, we all got up from our table and walked a few steps to the direction Maya pointed. When we reached the side entrance to the restaurant, we stopped and looked up above. At once, we saw the black eagle flying above two coconut trees, which stood parallel to each other at one end of the ranch house. I realized the eagle flew right above our bedroom. As I mentioned earlier, we were staying in a place called Ellerton. It was built over a hundred years ago to house the manager of a tea plantation owned by some Brits. Ellerton is surrounded by rainforest. This is why we saw various kinds of birds just sitting at the dining hall and the terrace outside our bedroom. These included green Layard parakeets, common mynahs, crows, rock pigeons, brown and white house sparrows,

228 MIRROR OF MIND yellow-billed babblers, cuckoos, bulbuls, oriental magpie robins, white-throated flowerpeckers, oriental white-eyes, pale billed flower peckers, purple sunbirds, purple-rumped sunbirds, long billed sunbirds, and Loten’s sunbirds, which had purple chests and were black for the most part. They also had long beaks that curved down. We also saw two kinds of doves. The only reason I could name these different breeds is because Ellerton kept a book entitled A Field Guide to the Birds of Sri Lanka by John Harrison and illustrated by Tim Worfolk. I’m pretty sure we saw more kinds of birds than I listed except I can’t remember exactly how they looked. That’s also because we only found the guidebook three days after we arrived in Sri Lanka. By that time, we’d already seen a few breeds that had come and gone. I love Harry, one of the men who took care of our meals in Ellerton. One day at around five in the afternoon, he walked into the restaurant and found me working on this book. The beautiful sounds of Buddhist monks chanting softly cuddled the room. “I love the sound of Buddhist monks chanting,” I told Harry. “I am Buddhist madam,” he uttered gently touching his left chest with his right hand.“ In Buddhism, they teach us things we don’t see are always around us,” he continued. “Like spirits and consciousness unseen,” I stated smiling. “Yes,” he uttered returning my smile. “Harry, I believe there are more things we can’t see with our eyes than things we see. And I find it sad that most people don’t know that.” July 10, 2013, we had breakfast at eight in the morning today. We had light pancakes served with honey, button mushrooms and bacon. We also had a fresh fruit collection of sweet papaya, pineapple, watermelon and rambutan.

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Today was our trip to the elephant orphanage located south of Ellerton. At nine, our driver Asitha came to pick us up with his white van. He is around a hundred and eighty pounds and five- foot ten inches in height. He has strong and piercing dark-brown eyes paired with bushy black eyebrows, big nose and thick lips. He has a glaring face, which combined with his solid stature makes him physically intimidating. However, Asitha is a cheerful man. He loves to laugh while he tells stories of people he’s driven for in the past. He talked about an earlier British employer, a gentleman who worked for some aid project. He told us how he’s driven for all sorts of people from all over the world. And of all those people, he had a bad experience with some French couple that complained to him constantly about his rates. “Why would they complain?” I stated. “The rates are set and agreed upon before you drive for them. You accept a contract, you stand by it,” I added. “But madam, when they came here they found out other drivers were charging ten dollars less, for example. But these drivers, they would make stops at different stores before they take you to your destination because they make commissions from your purchase,” he explained. “So these French people argued with me everyday because I charge ten dollars more than the other drivers. One day, I had enough of their complaining. So I dropped them off on the side of the road and told them to find their way on their own. What they didn’t know was I already told all the other drivers around here about them. I told them these French people were nasty. So when they spoke to another driver about the rate, he charged them double.” “What matters to us is we are happy with your service, Asitha. As far as the rate you charge every day, we agreed to that before we

230 MIRROR OF MIND arrived in Sri Lanka. For as long as we are happy with your service, we are not going to look for another driver,” I told him. “Madame, I’ve been driving for tourists for the past thirteen years. Normally, people who come here, they take package tours so they can travel from north to south of Sri Lanka in fourteen days. But here you are staying in Ellerton for ten days. Tourists don’t do that. I’ve never seen that before,” he remarked. ‘We are not like other tourists. We don’t take package tours. We want to feel the place and take our time. For example, we’re visiting the elephant orphanage today and tomorrow we’ll rest. We’ll stay in Ellerton, maybe take a long walk around the place.” “I don’t understand why people would rush through a place like this. That’s like rushing to eat. How do you taste the food? I don’t understand how people could think two weeks is sufficient to see Sri Lanka from north to south. We travel to experience the culture of the people and the beauty of the place. How could you feel the people and their culture if you’re rushing through these places exhausted? We would never go on vacation like that.” “We are here for ten days. In that period of time, we will visit some places resting between our trips. And if we don’t see it all, we’ll just have to come back to Sri Lanka. That’s how I see it.” “But I never saw tourists come to Sri Lanka like you and your family madam,” he commented. We stopped by a bank to change some money. Unfortunately, Steve forgot to bring his passport so we couldn’t get rupees. After the bank, Asitha took us to a place that makes brass. We wanted to buy brass handles for our home. We are currently renovating the Indian room and we need brass handles for the closet and the cabinets and drawers in the bathroom. Sadly, they didn’t have the size we require so we ended up buying three beautiful incense burners instead. One

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is for our home, one is a gift for Paulie, and the other I would give to Trax. After our trip to the brass store, we proceeded to the elephant orphanage and arrived there at noon. Asitha brought his van to the car park. From there we walked heading for the road and stopped at an intersection. There we stood on a main road facing a smaller street running perpendicular to where we were. “Madame, the elephants will be coming this way in a few minutes,” Asitha uttered. “Over there,” he said, pointing at the street facing us. “Down there is the river where the elephants just had their bath. Soon they will be coming this way,” he continued. “We have to stay here,” I told Maya and Steve. “The elephants are coming this way.” At this point I noticed a Caucasian couple standing to our left. The man held a Nikon camera. I thought I wish I had a camera as nice as that so I could take better pictures. Suddenly, we saw a herd of elephants approaching us from afar. Six men wearing mustard yellow golf T-shirts and black pants carrying bull hooks attached to long wooden poles guided them. My heart leaped with joy at the sight of the elephants. There must have been over thirty of them. Their forthcoming presence was so overwhelming I wanted to cry. A baby elephant led their procession, followed by its mother. How ancient they looked. How pure and beautiful and spiritual. These beasts are so strong their souls must be able to carry the burden of the world. The chocolate-colored massive creatures continued to approach us. Their presence was so surreal. I felt I was thrown into another world. Their vision brought my soul beyond this realm. I wept. I wept at the sight of these old souls. In my mind I thought, there before me is the miraculous creation of god. The band of elephants crossed the street and proceeded to the orphanage. We followed them. We bought the tickets for five thousand rupees so we could enter the place. Soon we were inside

232 MIRROR OF MIND the park following their trail. It was then I saw that the orphanage was a place of natural habitat where the elephants are cared for and fed. “There is no way you could tame African elephants like their Asian counterparts,” Steve told me as we walked. “Believe me many Brits tried.” “Asian elephants are much smaller than African elephants,” he continued. “And they have smaller ears.” “Would you describe their color to be chocolate brown?” I asked him. “Yes” he answered. “How about the spots around the tips of their ears? How would you describe that color?” I asked him. “Fawn,” he said. The pathway was broad, stretching some four meters wide. All around us were towering trees and bamboo. We passed the place to our left where they nurse baby elephants. It was fenced in with green wrought iron. Groups of tourists, mostly Europeans walked ahead of us. From a distance, we saw that the large beasts were brought to a massive and open area. I felt great joy to see them in their natural domain. Far behind them was thick woodland that appeared so expansive it dominated the horizon. From where I stood, I couldn’t see where the forest began and ended. There they were these beautiful beasts after their bathing in the river. The animals stood close to one another. I noticed there was a partition of large stones that separated them from the people. There were big piles of crisp green leaves in front of them near the stone divider. I suppose this way the tourists could safely watch them closely and photograph them while they ate their meal. By the time we got a few meters away from the elephants, one of the large

233 MARLENE AGUILAR elephants walked away from the group going to the right followed by a baby elephant. At this time, the young beast stood to my right. I kept walking with Steve and Maya to my left. All of a sudden the young elephant ran and jumped over the stone division right close to me. Quickly, one of the men wearing a mustard shirt yelled at the beast uttering sharp and foreign sounds I couldn’t make out. Briefly, the man stood to the right of the offspring waving his bull hook, steering the animal back to its mother. After this incident we stood with a group of tourists facing the elephants eating their lunch. Behind us more visitors followed our tracks. One of the guides called upon the crowd beckoning those who wanted their photos taken to step forward. A woman in her mid-forty’s walked over to the man, smiling joyfully. She stood between the beast and the man while her husband took her picture. After that a man did the same thing. I watched five people perform the same ritual and noticed that they all feared the animal. Every time the elephant moved they jumped. None of them tried to touch it. They all kept their distance, which to my calculation was at least a full arm’s length away. In my head, I couldn’t wait to touch the beast. I couldn’t wait to sense it up close. “Do you want your picture taken with the elephant?” I asked Maya while I held her left hand with my right. “No,” she said shaking her head. “Why not?” I queried. “I just don’t want to,” she replied. “I do,” I said. Suddenly, the guide waved at me imploring me to step forward. My heart leaped with joy. “Take my picture,” I told Steve while handing him my red camera. I stepped forward and over the stone barrier. Next thing I knew I stood between the elephant and the man. I raised my right hand

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to touch the leathery cheek of the elephant, my heart leaping in anticipation. Then I looked at Steve smiling with joy while he took some photos. I turned my face to my right and saw the elephant staring at me with its left eye. I rubbed my right hand gently against its cheek feeling an excitement I hadn’t felt before. In my mind, I spoke to the animal while we looked at each other. “I hope there is peace in your life” I said while caressing its cheek. Then something magical happened, something I can’t really explain. The elephant raised the upper portion of its trunk and brushed my cheek gently with it. It gave me exactly the same gesture I had given it. Then and there we both caressed each other’s cheek. In that exact moment of time, I felt our spirits connect. In that exact moment, I felt the soul of the animal, and I am sure it felt mine. Tears rolled from my eyes with happiness I had never felt before. Later on I told Steve what happened. “That’s it for me,” I said to him. “I don’t have to do anything else in Sri Lanka. For me, nothing could beat that.” “They’re feeding the baby elephants at 1:15pm,” he reminded me. “Do you want to see that?” he asked. “Not really. I want my spirit to absorb what just happened. Let’s go get some lunch,” I said. July 15, 2013, today is our trip to Millennium, a place south of Ellerton where we are going to finally ride elephants. “Are you excited, Maya?” I asked my daughter who was sitting across me fiddling with her computer. Steve sits at the head of the table working away with his computer as well. We are sitting at a twelve-seater table in the main dining room of Ellerton’s main house where the WiFi connection is best. Later on, Asitha arrived to take us to the Millennium. There we rode a massive female elephant called Lakshmi. I am told she is

235 MARLENE AGUILAR the first elephant in Sri Lanka to give birth while in captivity. The guide told us that Lakshmi was the elephant featured in the movie called Tarzan, which was directed by John Derek, starring Bo Derek, Richard Harris, Miles O’Keeffe and John Phillip Law. After riding the elephant, our guide took us to the small museum. Here we saw the skeleton of an elephant propped up for the visitors to see. The guide showed us different bones representing different parts of the creature’s anatomy. It was here we learned the several differences between Asian elephants and its African counterpart. There are a number of differences between these two groups of mammals. They are the following: The biggest Asian elephants reach no more than three and a half meters in size while African elephants are larger with males growing up to four meters tall. Asian males weigh between three thousand to six thousand kilos, while its counterpart weigh four thousand to seven thousand five hundred kilos. Asian elephants have a twin-domed head. On the other hand, African elephants’ heads are rounded. Their lips are also different, elongated and tapered in Asian elephants and round and short with African elephants. Asian elephants have smaller ears compared to its counterpart. The hides of African elephants’ ears are more wrinkled. Their teeth differ too. The molar teeth of Asian elephants have ridges that are denser. Asian elephants have up to 20 pairs of ribs, while its match in Africa has up to 21 pairs. Only some male Asian elephants have tusks. Only half of the females among Asian elephants have tusks and only a small fraction of their males have small tusks. On the other hand, all African elephants have tusks.

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The trunks of Asian elephants are harder and have only one ‘finger’. Its counterpart has two and it has more ridges. The diet of Asian elephants consists of grass for the most part, while Africans eat more leaves. My brother Tony would have loved visiting the elephants in Sri Lanka. Of all my siblings he is the one that shares my love for nature and the wild. Maybe I’ll visit Sri Lanka with him someday. Talking about Tony, when he was younger, he had a relationship with a woman named Ritzchelle Umali. They lived together for a few years, and they had three children, Jerguz, Ishna and Crystal. When they broke up, Tony left for Sweden, leaving behind his children and Ritzchelle with my mother. My mother loved Ritzchelle like her own daughter. I couldn’t speak for anyone else in my family, but I love Ritzchelle like my own sister. I understand why my Mamang adored her. Eventually, I took her to the states to work with me as nanny for little Jason and Colby. So she lived with us for a couple of years. Recently, I posted something on my FB wall about how my driver was pulled over by the cops near the Manila International airport one evening. It was the night Steve arrived from Grand Turk. We arrived early so I asked my driver to park behind a line of cars parked on the side of the main road close to the airport. All those cars were also waiting for the arrival of passengers. Next thing I knew other cars followed and parked behind us. Then out of nowhere, a police car escorted by two cops on motorcycles came to bust us. Apparently, we were parked illegally. “Go!!” I told my driver as soon as I saw the cops. “Drive! Now!” I yelled. Quickly, he proceeded to escape. But a policeman stopped us. I rolled my window down immediately snarling like a mad lioness

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at the same time. I could see the face of the policeman right outside my window at this point. After growling, I immediately switched attitude. “Officer!” I yelled smiling a very big smile. “You have enough to worry about. Just pretend you didn’t see me. I’m picking up a VIP at the airport and I can’t be late. Otherwise, I’d be in a lot of trouble. Pleeeeeeeeeeese let me go. Cooooome ooooooooon. Please?” The policeman glared at me speechless. I stared back smiling. We were both silent for a moment. The officer continued to gaze at me with big eyes and I continued to stare back with a big smile. I continued my act. “Look at me. Then forget you ever saw me. Come on, just let me go,” I added whining and giggling. Finally, he recognized me. Instantly, his smile became bigger than mine. “Cooooome ooooooooooon. Let me go. Believe me, if you said no to me, you’d be the first cop to ever do so,” I said giggling some more. As I spoke his smile turned to a grin. Then he broke into laughter. “You’re laughing!” I stated. “Why are you laughing? You just recognized who I am, didn’t you?” I said chuckling while shaking my head left to right and back. “Yes, Miss Marlene. I know who you are. Don’t get us into trouble now,” he warned. And I thought in my head, “Shit. This would be the first time I don’t get away with a cop.” “We all have to pretend we’re giving your driver a ticket,” the man said. “Give me your license,” he told my driver. And he followed the policeman’s bidding. “Miss Marlene, this is just for show. This way, everyone behind you thinks I’m busting you. But I’m not going to give your driver a ticket,” he said. “Pull over,” he told my driver nicely. “I’m going to take care of the people behind you first. Then I’d let you go. Just stay put,” he explained.

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When the cars behind me were gone, the officer returned and introduced me to his partner. Then they both asked me how Jason Ivler was doing in jail. “Tell Ivler we’re his fans,” they said smiling. In short, the airport police let me get away with it. I tried to give them some money, but they refused, which is extremely rare for a country where over ninety-nine percent of government officials are nothing but maggots for sale. I’m talking from personal experience. If you are foreign to the Philippines, I’m sure you are surprised that I would offer money to the cops. I wouldn’t think of doing that in Europe or the US. Well, the Philippines is a 3rd world country. Giving money to a law enforcer who looks the other way is standard procedure here. You see it all day everyday in Metro Manila all over the god-forsaken place, especially before noon because the cops need money for lunch. This is the time when you’ll find traffic officers huddled in groups on the roads searching for cars to bust for any reason, some of which may be outside of the law. They are so terribly underpaid they bully the citizens to make money. I posted the story about the two airport policemen on my Facebook wall. Ritzchelle reacted to my story by posting the narrative below. She wrote: “Even in the States you got away with things. Remember one time we went to a club with my crazy Mom? They wouldn’t let us in unless we were escorted by a man. What did you do? Instantly, you turned around and grabbed the man next to you in line by his arm with the speed of lighting. You whispered something in his ear. Next thing I knew, you told the bouncer he was your date. Those were crazy days!” “I remember you were driving on the highway in New York once. I was with you that day. An officer driving his police bike

239 MARLENE AGUILAR sounded his siren asking you to pull you over because you were speeding. As soon as you stopped the car, you messed up your hair and started crying, while you stared into the mirror and watched the cop walking from his vehicle toward you. As soon as he stood by your window, you started crying out loud. You told him you had an emergency, which is why you were driving fast, and that you were sorry that your broke the law. You said your aunt had a terrible fight with her husband. And he took their baby away, and you had to help her find her child. Instead of giving you a ticket the cop escorted you all the way to Connecticut. When I praised you for the way you handled the cop, you said, ‘Please, I went to the best acting school in New York.” I could fill a book with my experiences with the police, but that is not why I’m writing this book. I also posted this on my Facebook wall. “TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES - Hinahamon kita!!! Sparring tayo UFC style! Pag naitumba kita in one round, bumaba ka na sa pwesto mo! Mag resign ka na!” Here is the English translation: “TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES - I challenge you to sparring, UFC style. If I can bring you down in one round, you must resign!” A community page called Showbiz government picked up my statement. They created a poster of the president and me similar to the kind of graphic image used to announce a UFC fight. They showed a feminine image of the president wearing a bra standing side by side with me. If you didn’t know, the current president of the Philippines is known amongst netizens as a homosexual. They say that Edwin Lacierda, his spokesperson is his lover. Many Facebook users share that image on their wall. Thanks to Showbiz government page.

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A Filipina who calls herself Kuma Mori is a new addition to my soul family. She lives in Japan. Here is a woman born into this matrix with an old soul. She sent me a message saying she wanted to buy a hardcopy of Warriors of Heaven. I sent her the free EBook instead. I also told her she could download the PDF files of my books from my website for free. I realize many Filipinos cannot afford to buy my books. Many members of the young nation are not in college because they can’t afford an education. Moreover, most parents who send their children to college can barely afford to pay the tuition fees. So I decided to give my EBooks for free from my website. I don’t know if you remember but Warriors of Heaven has been required reading in local universities and in three subjects, Philosophy, Political Science and Popular Literature. Before I go on, I would like to state that from this point on, whenever I post dialogs between another person and I, it should be understood that the second person’s narrative is in Italics. Here is my communication with Kuma Mori. “Reading Warriors of Heaven is giving me a chill to the bone. It is more than roaring thunder and raging waters, all in the name of truth and freedom. Yes, the oracles are right. You are not human but a mystical reincarnation of a fearless warrior! How could shallow minded people understand you when your unfathomable intellect surpasses that of both heaven and hell? I hope to hug you in my dreams She Dragon. I hope to kiss the energy of fire in you, which you brought to my senses.” “I hope you will continue reading my non-fiction books. Warriors of Heaven is just the beginning. And the books get better as you go along. I wrote them to free people from mental slavery.”

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“Thank you She Dragon. I just finished reading Chapter 5. I was reading until past 3 am. I savored the story word by word ‘til it penetrated my spirit making it possible for me to reach Nirvana. I will share your story to my daughter who is very interested to understand her Filipino roots. PS: You are so mystical, your face appears in my vision when I close my eyes. I can even smell your scent. Don’t mind me. Maybe this is the effect of following you in the news and on TV during your interviews for several years.” “I believe you feel that way because I am not a stranger to you. We are kindred souls. This is not the first time we are meeting.” I continue to get messages from people commenting on Warriors of Heaven. Here are a few I have selected from the lot. Here is a reader who goes by the name of Moon Buwan on Facebook. She stated: “Hi Ms. Marlene I’m currently reading chapter 5 of your book Warriors of Heaven. I haven’t finished it yet. For me, your story is humbly told. I felt like someone was there reading the stories to me. In your story, you touched different subjects like: Quantum Physics and the karmic forces - You wrote, “To be able to enjoy the light one must see in the dark.” I strongly admire your spirituality. Sexuality – Sex in its truest definition was described in your writing with taste. It was so stimulating not in a carnal sense, but it was mentally stimulating first and foremost. Politics and Economics- This one is so complex but I’m lucky to have a little knowledge about IMF funding us, thus forcing their influence in our country. Our country being an agricultural country is importing rice and that I find funny. It is ironic. Culture - You have beautifully explained the term “cultural

242 MIRROR OF MIND blindness”. I guess the term globalization “sounds good” to every Filipino as if we are at par with western countries. Most Filipinos skipped the reality that globalization may cause our culture to be invisible or worse. It may lead to its extinction. There are a lot of issues in your book I enjoyed reading. There are a lot of lines in your writing that I would love to highlight and quote not because I have thought of them myself, but because you have described them beautifully. And there are some parts of your autobiography that made my eyes sore, not because it was poorly written, but because of the sheer reality that came with your words. I admire your self-awareness and strength. I admire that you are able to convey whatever it is that bothers you. You have the freedom to speak your mind out loud without prejudice. But the most important thing that I admire most in you is your nationalism. I have heard a lot of politicians express their love for the country, but they sound like hypocrites. The only person that I can think of who has expressed nationalism in their works was Jose Rizal and now you in the modern day. In your writing I can feel your sincerity, your love, your wisdom and everything else in between. I could go on and on about your genuine relationships among friends, family and your in-laws. The bottom line is, thank you for the knowledge and awareness you share through your writings. This is just .001 percent of how I would love to describe your book. But I hope I was able to show you how thankful I am.” Here is another comment from Irene Rose. “Your book Warriors of Heaven is beautiful beyond words. Thank you for sharing it Ms. Marlene! For all the Filipinos who seek the truth, they must read it. It is far better than our history books. This should be required reading in all schools. Thank you so much!”

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“And I’d like to have a copy of the sequel. Thanks!!! Take care.” Here is conversation between C. Garcia and I. “All I can say is Warriors of Heaven is AMAZING. I’ll make an excellent review of it on my blog. Hail Ms. Marlene Hail. If only people like you could enlighten every Filipino, then I can say no one will be deprived of wisdom and hunger for knowledge. It is sad that these oligarchs with their self-proclaimed democracy blind most of our countrymen. They leave us nothing but false hope. After reading your book, I admire you. I think and speak highly of you. When I become a father and my children reach their culminating age, I will share your books with them. Thank you.” “I wrote my books as a gift for the young nation. I wrote my books so people would stop being afraid. I wrote my books to set people free, free from their doubts, free from their fears. I wrote my books to arm the younger generation of Filipinos with wisdom and enlightenment. That’s why I give the E-books for free.” Ma’am, thank you so much for writing your non-fiction stories and giving the EBooks to us for free. I honestly appreciate your efforts to spread your words of wisdom to everyone. I admire your brightness and greatness as a woman and a mother. Your children are lucky to have such an awesome Mom like you. Please keep doing what you are doing. I wish all the best to you and the Philippines. It is a great country and I feel bad that some powerful people are taking so much advantage of innocent people. Great writing. I am speechless. Take care, Ma’am Marlene!” Finally, here is Marianne Macapili’s reaction to my first non- fiction book. “I just finished reading Warriors of Heaven. I can relate to most of what you wrote especially your essay “Men in Boxes” partly because I grew up with people who live in tight boxes. Ever since I was a kid

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I have been pushed around and I have been told what to do because I had to do what was “right” so I could be “socially acceptable.” But I defied them. I told them that I wasn’t born to please the world. And so, because of this rebellion, I became an outcast. My family underestimates me because I am one of the few in my family who doesn’t excel in structured education. I’ve decided to drop out of college. My God! I cannot stand classrooms! I hate being tied down and lectured upon! I hate rules! I hate institutions or any form of bureaucracy and structure! I am most happy when I read or travel. Days before I read your book, I contemplated about my evil side. There is a dark force within me, luring me, constantly bringing out the side of me that I’m trying to repress. I’m afraid of it. And then I read your book! I’m already familiar with yin and yang, good and evil, but your book gave me much deeper insight about these opposite forces! Your book made me fearless! Now I am ready to embrace my dark side! Thank you for setting me free!” For me the ugly truth is beautiful. And the beautiful lie is ugly. In this book you will see my ugly side, the part of me that is so black it knows no end. Remember, the seers call me by many names, including the bringer of life. But they also call me the bringer of death. Over the years, the oracles told me that my good side would bring life and light to the world. On the other hand, its counterpart would bring death and darkness toward men. Is there any escape from this? No. I told you. My fate is the fate of mankind. On March 27, 2013 I sent an email to Caesar regarding TGO, the US asset posing as the immigration commissioner. ““I spent almost the whole day pacifying a local government official who was on the verge of suicide because of US double

245 MARLENE AGUILAR dealing. JFC! He said he’d buy grenades and take his entire family inside his house and blow them all up. He said he’d rather die with his entire family than become a slave of the US.” “Dear god, when will they stop doing this? How could I continue living like this?” He replied and wrote, “You are tough and will survive anything and everything, even me!” Here is a small portion of the exchange of text messages between TGO and I the day before I sent Caesar the above email. His statements are in Italics. “Ma’am a foreign national escaped from jail.” “Who?” “The Japanese.” “Can you give me his name?” He gave me the name of the man but I can’t share that information with you. “He didn’t escape. Why would he escape? Jail is his home. Plus, he gets out whenever he wants, up to 1 week if he chooses.” “The warden must have sold him out. Talk to his right hand, Freddie. He should know what happened.” “Another man is missing.” “Marlon?” “Yes. How did you know?” “When I heard the possibility Ivler would be transferred there, I had the site inspected. I know how many prisoners they have. I know of the men running the gambling, the drug trade, etc.” “Why don’t you call your handler from the US Embassy. I think he knows what happened to the Yakuza.” “Ma’am Chief Rodriquez was involved. The warden was paid.” “The Chief? He is a puppet of the US. He’s just following orders.

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The US would probably interrogate the Japanese and Marlon. The Yakuza will pass the torture. I don’t know about Marlon. The US wants the Yakuza on their side of the fence. They will hire him as an assassin.” “If the US abducted that man, there’s not much you can do.” “I don’t understand. I’m confused.” “What? Have you not gotten used to the way the US does business? They stab you behind your back while they share a meal with you.” “Please understand this. Do not put yourself between the morons at the US Embassy and me. Everyone there from top to bottom can be replaced, not I. Include every single US military personnel in the Philippines in that list. They can all be replaced, but not I. So before you make a move, take note of that.” I made a phone call to Trax after I spoke to TGO. Here is a small part of our conversation. “Yakuza is missing.” “Jesus!” “I believe the US took him.” “Do you think he’s dead?” “No, he’s not. Plus, if the US wanted him dead then his body would be lying dead in jail. He’s too important in my life for them to kill him. Plus he’s a mercenary. They can use him.” “Why? Why did they take Yakuza?” “What did he say to you about Jason and me?” “I rove Mama Ivler. Terr her prease visit Yakuza. I owe her my rife. I rove her. I die for her. I kirr for her.” “If Ivrer comes here, I give my room for him. I give my bed for him. I sreep on couch. I be his striker. I cook for him. I serve him. I rove Mama Ivrer. Woman brave. Mama Ivrer not ordinary person. I die for her. I rive for her. This woman give me my rife. Anyone here

247 MARLENE AGUILAR give Ivrer troubre I kirr them. I kirr them arr. I no afraid. If I kirr them what they do? Put me in jair? Jair my home. I rike jair. I kirr enemy of Ivrer and Ivrer Mama.” This is actually what the Yakuza said: “I love Ivler’s Mama. Tell her please visit Yakuza. I owe her my life. I love her. I will die for her. I will kill for her.” “If Ivler comes here, I will give him my room. I will give him my bed. I will sleep on the couch. I will be his striker. I will cook for him. I will serve him. I love Ivler’s Mama. The woman is brave. Ivler’s Mama is not an ordinary person. I will die for her. I live for her. This woman gave me my life. Anyone here gives Ivler trouble I will kill them. I will kill them all. I will kill the enemy of Ivler and Ivler’s Mama.” “That’s why the US took him. I knew that they would when you said that to me on the phone. He has honor. He’s a good assassin. He would do whatever it takes to fight for my cause. That’s why the US took him. He will serve their purpose,” I told Trax. Here is communication between TGO and I the following day. “Ma’am, I am working on Ivler’s clearance.” “What clearance? Is that for the fake case?” “No. This is not fake. It’s real.” “Is that the murder case filed at Bureau of Immigration?” “Yes, Ma’am.” “That’s fake.” “I’m confused.” “Ivler didn’t want to stay in jail where he is. So he asked his lawyers to do whatever it takes to transfer him to the BID jail where expats are detained. Our lawyers said it wasn’t possible because his murder case was in Quezon City. So QC had jurisdiction over him.” “Ivler decided that a 2nd murder charge be filed against him at

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Bureau of Immigration so BID could take custody of him. The man claimed to have been murdered doesn’t exist.” “What? Who knew about this?” “The top guys. The commissioner knew. Fiscal Felix Almoro did the paperwork.” “Ivler is brilliant to come up with this.” “All my kids are brilliant. Ivler said his murder case in QC is a joke anyway so he might as well have another murder case charged against him.” “Who is the complainant?” “Trax, my asset who’s been working with your right hand Ramil for a week now.” After this conversation with TGO, I called Trax. “TGO doesn’t know about the fake murder charge.” “I know. I spoke to Ramil just now. He says TGO is so mad at me because I filed a fake murder charge against J. I said why is he angry with me? I’m only following orders.” “I can’t believe the US didn’t brief him completely about the case.” “Ramil says the US put him in charge of Ivler’s case and they gave him deadline for Ivler’s release.” My conversation with TGO continued after I spoke to Trax. Below is a portion of our dialog. “Whatever the US is paying me is not enough for me to sell my soul. I’d rather die.” “If they have chosen you to fulfill a vital task, it’s best you cooperate for the sake of your family. They will not take no for an answer. Look what they did to me.” “I did nothing wrong.” “All I did was refuse to follow. I didn’t do anything wrong. They wanted to back my political career. I said no. I’m not a politician.

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I’m not a whore. I will never be one.” “I’d buy grenades. I’ll bring all my family inside the house then I’ll blow us all up.” “Believe me, they would have taken your family ahead of time before you get home with the grenades. You don’t know their capabilities.” “If they take my family, I would kill myself so I don’t see them suffer.” “That’s easier said than done. Keep fighting. I’m with you. I will support you.” “They must have chosen you because you’re a good man. I believe, for a change, they want to do what is right for the Philippines.” Before I go on, I would like to discuss further the powerful allegiance of men in Washington DC who have been chasing me since July 2007, the month I met Caesar. I mentioned in the past that there is a group of imperious men in DC who call themselves gods of war. I can’t really tell you the genuine name by which they call themselves, because I promised Gabriel I wouldn’t. Plus, brotherhood of virgin pussies is a better description for them as far as I’m concerned. They are more powerful than the US president. They rule America. In that sense, they also rule the world. I would like to add that this collection of men in DC is soldiers of the true power that rules the world, the Illuminati. After six years of torture, I realized that the US government is nothing but a minion to the 13 bloodlines that govern the world. I discussed the Illuminati in Bringer of Death; book three of my life stories. These men have ganged up against me and terrorized my family and me for the past six years. I believe this is because they are concerned about the oracles’ reading about my future. The brotherhood is wary that I might be “the warrior queen born in

250 MIRROR OF MIND the east who will rise into fame during this time on earth. And that she will once again sit in the throne of Isis.” They tortured me to see if I would pass their tests. They tortured me because, as the Belgian Ambassador Greg Vardakis said, “The world will have a hard time accepting that my defiance and strength comes from a woman.” Like my father, these men hate me for the same reasons they love me. Like my father, these men beat me and tortured me for the same reasons they admire me. My father adored me because of my mind and my impossible will. He admired me because I was not afraid of him. He admired me because no matter how much he hurt me, I never asked him for mercy. He admired me because the more he abused me, the stronger and more defiant I became. My father was a sorcerer like me. He had the ability to speak to the dead. He could defy space and time as I can. Sometimes I wonder whether my father decided to return to this matrix to haunt me again. Sometimes, I wonder if he’s decided to possess each of the men representing the brotherhood of warmongers to continue to abuse me, physically, mentally and spiritually. I will write some information regarding my engagement with the US, which I am not sure I am allowed to do. However, I am hoping they will give me permission to expose some of the horrible things they’ve inflicted against my allies and me. You cannot know the whole truth. Maybe, I will write about the missing parts of my books and ask my daughter Maya to release the publication when I’m dead. Remember this, whatever I write regarding America is only a safe version of the truth. What the US actually did to my allies and me is more despicable than what will come out of this volume.

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April 22, 2013, I sent Gabriel this email below. “When you first met me in person in March 2008, you asked me a question. You said, “Can you not see who you are?” “Who am I?” I asked you back. And you answered, “You are only bound for greatness.” You knew. Your brothers knew the predictions behind my life. For six years, you and your brothers have ganged up against me, battered me, assaulted me, and tormented me and my family and allies. You assaulted me in ways I couldn’t have even previously imagined. I wonder sometimes how I survived, with my heart still beating with compassion. I realize now the disappearance of some men who are close to me, including Howard Marks, Marcus and other vital characters in my life are courtesy of the US. You took away from my life those men who are close to my heart. Both Howard and Marcus have refused to communicate with me because you’ve threatened them, while the other men in my life simply vanished. I realize now that everything the Philippine government did against my family and myself were courtesy of the US. I realize now that the hate propaganda the media launched against Jason Ivler and me was courtesy of the US. I realize now that the repeated kidnappings, ambushes and set-ups involving my allies during the past three years were also courtesy of the US. You and your brothers have terrorized me every single day of my life since July 2007. I have cried every day for the past six years, thanks to the brotherhood. When does it end? Why don’t you just kill me? What did you think you’d gain out of all this? You have successfully shown me how endlessly evil you are. You have successfully shown me your blatant display of muscle power. And yes, I am impressed. I’m so fucking impressed I wish I could marry each of you so I could

252 MIRROR OF MIND return the favor and torture you back every moment of the day. I admire men like you. You know that. I admire courage in men above all. I admire men who do not fear death. But no matter what you do, nothing changes one fact. You and your brothers will never have the ability to understand my mind and spirit! And I do not see any of you as my equal. As a matter of fact, I see no man as my equal! Tell me. Please tell me what I can do to stop all this violence surrounding me. Let me walk away in peace. You know I will honor my word. You know I will keep my end of the bargain. I couldn’t say that about dreadful men like you and the company you keep. During the past six years, you have shown me you have neither honor nor integrity. I am afraid that my union with you and the brotherhood is like my relationship with my father. You will forever punish me for being who I am. Honestly, the best thing for both parties concerned is to walk away from each other. You are dealing with something you could never understand. Why can’t you accept that? Like my mental and spiritual chemistry with my father, my union with your brotherhood is vile. So please let me walk away. I’ll find an isolated place to live. I will write one more non—fiction book after this but it shouldn’t concern the brotherhood at all. It is about my spiritual journey. It is my journey to other realms during my astral travels, a phenomenon I have encountered ever since I was a little girl. Men like you wouldn’t understand this story anyway. Hell, most people wouldn’t understand this book for that matter. So, you shouldn’t concern yourself with it. I cannot go on like this. So please, let me walk away, in peace. If not, then send me a man with balls to talk to me straight and quit playing games!

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Thank you.” After reviewing the above narrative I wrote for Gabriel today September 26, 2013, I wish I could have said more. I should have added the paragraph below. I’m including it in this chapter for Gabriel to read. Here you go Dwarfy, this is for you and your dumbass comrades: “Sometimes I ask myself why I even think your allegiance of military men would do the right thing. Jesus! You’re all so deranged and blind. I just remembered you and your brothers love John Wayne because of his supposed virile and mannish image on screen. But the man was a homosexual. You’re all so stupid; with all your big guns and your macho bullshit, you end up worshipping John Wayne, a gay man. You idolize him like some god-like icon for all masculine, bold and brave men like you, but he loved to suck dick. That’s how fucked up you and your brothers are. Yet, you rule Washington DC. You rule Obama. You rule America. I swear to god this world is hopeless because of brainless men like you.” Honestly, I don’t really care if John Wayne was gay. But these military men representing the brotherhood who worship his image hate homosexuals. Anyway, I forwarded the above email to Caesar. Below is my dialog with the SF Commander. “Any reply yet?” “And what could they possibly say? ‘Yes you are right. But we can’t accept the truth because as you keep reminding us, we’re nothing but a bunch of pussies!’ Arrrrgh!” “Ha ha!” “What’s wrong with you? These men ganged up on me and bullied me for six years! They made me cry every day for six years! It’s not funny!!! Fat fag!”

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“I was laughing at your comments about calling them pussies!” “I know, silly.” I wrote another email to Gabriel. I said: “Answer my emails you fucking dwarf! How could you and your brothers possibly feel good about yourselves after all the shit and torture you put me through? You said you would protect me. You said you wouldn’t abandon me. But you couldn’t keep your word because you are their slave. So kill me you fucking pussy! Kill me!!!” Here’s another email to the devil on earth. “My beloved Gabriel, oh brave and evil pussy willow, Why don’t you just marry me? You would like that wouldn’t you Dwarfy? During our wedding I wear the pants. And you wear a pink gown laden with lace. All the other gods of war should be your bridesmaids. And they should all be wearing the same hot pink gowns to match yours. What a perfect couple we would make. What a perfect wedding in hell that would be.” I shared with Caesar my email to the devil on earth. He replied on April 27, 2013. He wrote: “Ha ha! I’m sure you got a great response.” I answered: “The brotherhood of boogie men in DC have been torturing me since 2007 in ways words couldn’t express. When does it end? They sent me word saying ‘they’re exhausted from terrorizing me and that I’ve been such a headache for them.” I’ve been tortured on all fronts by these men. I’ve been tortured by the US government and the Philippine government in hideous ways, thanks to these war gods. And they have the gumption to say they’re exhausted? What about me? There is only one of me! There are so many of them.

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I’ve been talking to my older sister via Skype lately, every day for a month now. I remember years ago when she told me that she felt my father favored me more and loved me more than my other siblings. When I asked why she thought that, she said, “It’s because my father beat me more.” Imagine that. Do you know what I do to the brotherhood to get back at them? I meditate at night so I can go into trance. After that, my spirit invades the privacy of their personal domain. My very essence travels to spend time with each of them at any given nightfall. I visit them in the privacy of their own bedrooms holding a black dagger with my right hand, the blade of which is sharper than the one I gave to Gabriel. One particular evening, I entered the bedroom of an imperious man while he lay in his beautiful bed, his body covered with sheets of the finest dark-brown linen, his back resting comfortably on the mattress. My spirit hovered over him, consuming his mortal presence. I could feel the utter blackness of his heart, a heart that cannot go on throbbing. Otherwise, mankind will not survive. He was born with astounding wealth. I wonder if he knows he is a slave of the same wealth that gives him power over men. I wonder if he knows he is a slave of the material world. He is a puppet master whose own unbelievable power over men has corrupted his heart and his soul. He has no humility. He has absolutely no compassion in his heart. He would kill a rat the way he would kill most of mankind. To him, both are nothing but vermin. My spirit lingered over him. I stared at him wondering what his life has been. He was born to a family who didn’t love him. His mother didn’t hug him. His mother never told him how much she loved him. He was sent to boarding school before he reached age nine and he rarely saw his parents after that. Animals get more love

256 MIRROR OF MIND and attention from their owners than he received from his parents. He grew up without love. My heart broke for him. How sad and empty his life has been. Imagine a life without love. Without love in a man’s heart, hate rules and darkness reigns. He was born with so much wealth he never knew hunger. Can you imagine life without hunger? Can you imagine life without having to work hard to get the things you want out of life? Can you imagine life without having to work hard to get the vacation you dream of, or to buy the clothes you want, or purchase the car you have always longed for? These are the things that teach you self- respect. Can you imagine life without ambition? Can you imagine life without fighting for your goals because you were born with more money than you could ever spend in ten lifetimes? These are the things that push you to strive harder to become better at what you do. These are the challenges in life that forge you to become a better person. The longing, the desire and the hunger to achieve and reach for your goals fill your life with endless actions and reactions. It fills your life with color. Without it, life becomes dull and meaningless. If I could have everything I could ever want from the time I was born without having to work for it, then what is the point of being alive? If everything is handed to a person like the members of royal families in Europe, then you might as well breed a society of talking parasites driving expensive cars. I have wondered endlessly why the Illuminati with all their inborn wealth and power created such a mess out of this world. With all their global cartels and double-dealings, playing “games within games within games’ commanding leaders of states like they are toy soldiers, why did they create a god-forsaken world where the populations are mostly dumb and ignorant? Why couldn’t these

257 MARLENE AGUILAR mighty men create a better world? Why? The answer is because their lives are colorless. Their lives are pointless. These men don’t know any better because Mother Nature robbed them of the gift of love. Their lives are void of love. Therefore they don’t have it to give. They have no love or compassion for humans or anyone. As a result, the only thing left is their desire to destroy mankind. I stared at the man with tears in my eyes. How I wished Gaea gave him the gift to see the world and the galaxies beyond space and time through my eyes. I wanted so much to touch his soul, so he could feel what I feel. I wanted to embrace him with the genuine love that burns endlessly from my heart and my soul. Then out of the blue, Lucifer inside me took control. Instantly, she mounted the man resting her buttocks on top of his prick spreading her thighs wide open, her feet pressed firmly against the sheets. She gazed at the man’s face smiling her most violent smile, her lucid eyes shining brightly in the midst of the darkness that surrounded us. How I love her. Then she took a long, deep breath, her sensual and long neck gently arching upward. At once and with the speed of lightning, she stabbed the man’s heart with my black dagger over and over and over again, licking her lips and smiling while she ravaged the creature lying silently before her. After that, the she demon vanished as fast as she came. Lucifer and I have performed this act I do not know how many times. This is why more often than not my enemies die of heart attacks. I believe the faction in DC that rules America are divided. One side of the brotherhood of pussy willows wants to kill me while the other side wants to protect me. I believe the Illuminati share the same sentiments about me. I hear these men honor the devil. They pay homage to the god of evil. I honor the infinite forces of both good and evil. I wonder if the Illuminati know Satan as much

258 MIRROR OF MIND as I do. Do they love the devil as much as I do? I don’t believe so, because the allegiance of men who call themselves the Illuminati do not know love at all. The Illuminati and I have a very fascinating relationship. On earth, we represent opposing forces like that of yin and yang. They beat me and torture me physically. After all, they have such great muscle power they own not only the armed forces of America, but ultimately, they command the armed forces of the world. However, my engagement with them is exactly the opposite. They attack my outer self, the part of me connected to this material world. Whereas, I besiege their inner selves, the part of them connected to the void, an infinite and endless realm that I command with no man as my equal. To the Illuminati, this paragraph is for you. I have astral projected into the domain of utter blackness where all that is evil is born. In this void, the god of all that is evil cuddled my soul so I may understand and absorb her eternal power. After all, I am her true daughter. I have done the same in the domain of eternal lightness. And in that realm of all that is good, the god of good has granted me the same endless love and affection the god of evil bestowed upon me. After all, I am her true daughter. I am not in this world to counter you. On the contrary, the evil inside me is directly empowered by the lord you serve. Harm me and you displease your true lord who sent me to earth at this time in history to guide you. Do not forget who I am. I am the warrior you have been waiting for - the one who bears the numbers 696. Six is nine upside down. They are one and the same. They are the symbols of yin and yang, good and evil, love and hate, life and death, the beginning and the end. They are the numbers representing all opposing forces in this world and beyond; therefore, 696 equal 969 equal 666 equal 999.

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It will never cease to amaze me how I continue to live a life of peace despite what the brotherhood does to me. I live two parallel lives in this matrix. I am besieged by such beauty and wonders in my own home. Wherever I look, there is calm, beauty and art in every room. Plus people who love me surround me. I eat the best food money can buy. I listen to magical music, thanks to Steve. Still, there is this violent world outside that coexists with this beautiful reality. Still, there is this world of death, chaos and destruction created by the US government, an ugly and evil place I have been forced to engage. Tears gather around my eyes while I think of those who have suffered and perished because of my dreadful engagement with the brotherhood. Men have died. Their families have perished. Casualties of war, the US would call it. I sent Gabriel this email dated May 5, 2013 addressed to the brotherhood of retarded animals in DC. I wrote: “The brainless grunts representing your evil forces in Manila fucked me over again. This means that my voodoo of death will attack you and your minions to satisfy my wrath. You’ve done nothing in the last six years but cause me pain and harm. I wonder if you have the brains to understand that I am the mother of karma herself. What you do to me returns to you tenfold and beyond. So suck my dick!” I sent him this narrative right after that one. “How does it feel? How does it feel watching your brothers batter me, bully me, abuse me and terrorize me for six years? How does it feel for you to stand back and watch? And yet you do nothing? You are just like them. Lame.” “What’s the matter? You can’t talk can you Dwarfy? How could you possibly expect me to respect any of you? The thing is, my

260 MIRROR OF MIND allegiance remains with the US no matter what you do. WW3 is coming. The world will be divided into two. And my allegiance remains with the US despite you and your retarded brothers. But do not expect that I would ever see any of you as my equal. Be that as it may, I still cannot do without you in my future. Our destiny remains the same. We are stuck with each other. So accept the fact that between the two of us, I rule. Remember this, all my enemies will die.” As I said earlier, I have been talking to my sister Aida via Skype everyday since Steve’s visit to Samoa. On April 11, 2013, I told my sister I cast a spell of death against every single staff and personnel working at the US Embassy in Manila. I did a ritual of death on the 10th of April targeting every inch of every ground encompassing the property of the US Embassy in Manila. That includes every inch of every room in that place. Moreover, that includes every staff of the US Embassy in Manila along with all the military personnel representing the American government and their assets. I sent the US NSA and the US Embassy messages regarding my curse. Hell, they monitor all I do anyway. I’m sure they heard my conversations with my sister when I discussed with her the details of my rituals of death. On April 13, 2013, I received a message from Chief Rodriquez saying that four people working with them died of heart attacks. I discovered recently, the chief has been working with the US as an asset since 2011. Four days later, on April 17, 2013, the chief told me seven people were dead working for the US government. Sadly, the former DOJ officer disappeared again after that. TGO was supposed to meet his American handler on the 20th of

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April 2013 but the meeting was postponed to the next day at 4pm. During his conference with his handler, which was set in one of the buildings at the US Embassy, he sent me a text message saying, “Ma’am nagkakagulo po dito. May naatake na naman sa puso.” “Ma’am there is turmoil here. Someone just had a heart attack.” While talking to my sister, I also told her that after the voodoo of death I cast against the employees of the US Embassy, I did a series of rituals using the forces of blackness against the US government. I told my sister that on April 11, 2013 I cast a spell against Barack Obama and his entire family, including every single member of his administration. Why did I do this to Obama and all his staff? It is because they did absolutely nothing to help Jason Ivler’s plight in the Philippines. The US Ambassador, that hideous monster in the person of Harry Thomas, saw on YouTube how Philippine government officials tortured my son in my home in front of me. And he did nothing to help him. Harry Thomas watched the Philippine government violate my son’s human rights over and over, and he did absolutely nothing to protect him. Jason Ivler is a US citizen. Jason Ivler is a US war veteran and a former US Ranger who served in Iraq. Still, the government of Obama did nothing to defend the human rights of my son. On the same evening, I cast another curse. This time, the hex was aimed at America, targeting the guilty and the greedy. While talking to my sister via Skype, I told her that I knew the NSA listened to us while we spoke, agents that are minions of the brotherhood of apes in DC. “This curse will show its authenticity so my gay boyfriends in DC can’t doubt it,” I stated. “How?” my sister asked.

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“This curse will show its power because America will see catastrophes and devastation they haven’t seen in a long time. They will suffer record-breaking disasters and devastation they haven’t seen before,” I told her. Why did I do this? It is because my wrath against the US government reached a level beyond human comprehension. The pain and the torment caused by the brotherhood in DC against me reached a level I could no longer accept. Something so dark inside me came out like some evil beast that needed to feed. I wanted to show those monitoring me I could strike back. I believe they doubted the words of the oracles regarding my soul. So, I wanted to show them my celestial gifts. However, I would never dishonor the Delphic laws of the galaxies. I would never strike in the name of spite. I respect the powers of karma, the very force that gives this realm equilibrium. So, while sitting in a lotus position in my bed, I meditated, thrusting the very essence of my consciousness into deep trance to perform a deed I hope I will never have to repeat. This time, my sprit entered a domain where all souls convene. In this place unknown to you, all is grey. There, I called upon the spirit of the goddess of justice to aid me in my quest for karmic retribution against America and its people. I spoke to her in silence urging her to come and meet me from beyond. I told her I needed her guidance and blessing. I sat there in reverie for what seemed to me an eternity, beckoning her to come. Eventually, out of the blue, I heard the gentlest sound of heavenly music, music I have never imagined to exist. After that she came to me floating with the softest of winds. Her long and wavy hair was the color of silver, her eyes were the color of silver, her flesh was the color of silver, her tender lips were the color of silver, and her long and gossamer gown was grey. She was magic to behold.

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There she was, the vessel where black and white agrees, where yin and yang unite, and where good and evil are one. There she was, the goddess of Karma herself. I opened my eyes and released myself from my lotus position. Then I floated on thin air like her. She circled around me, caressing me, touching me ever so lovingly. She held my left hand gently with her right, and then we drifted together side-by-side. The music from heaven surrounded us, touching the very essence of my heart, soothing the very center of my soul. Then she whispered to me. Her voice tasted like honey. Her wet and tender lips brushed against my ear while her succulent breast pressed lightly against my arm as she spoke. I could feel her warm breath curving down my neck. “Why did you call upon me?” she asked. “I need to ask you something,” I answered. “Then ask,’ she uttered smiling the most alluring smile. “What must I do to cast a spell of death against America and its people in the name of equilibrium?” I queried. After I uttered those words, in an instant, she shifted right in front of me, her eyes confronting mine directly. She glared into my eyes as I stared back into hers. I found her shining eyes so captivating and filled with understanding and love. “You have the answer that you seek,” she whispered kindly, smiling her alluring smile once more. “I live inside you. I am a part of you. Search within and all is there,” she uttered. As soon as she had spoken she vanished, and the enchanting music vanished with her. After that, I closed my eyes once more and returned to my lotus position. Then, I went inside myself. I searched the endless void within me never doubting for one moment that the answer I sought would be inside me. I traveled back to the distant past allowing fate to guide me. Then I entered a time when

264 MIRROR OF MIND white men from Europe invaded America. I saw the lethal battles fought between the Europeans and the Native Americans. I saw the shamans of various tribes performing ceremonies of death against these dreadful white men who came to their lands to rape and plunder. But their incantations did not come to fruition. It wasn’t time. The goddess of Karma was right. The answer was inside me. How simple it was. All I had to do was call upon the souls that are hungry for reckoning, souls with unfinished business on earth. It was at this point that I decided to summon all the spirits of the shamans representing all the American Indian tribes that were massacred by the first European settlers in the US. I called upon them, speaking to their souls, using a communication unknown to mortal men. Here below is the English translation of what I said to these sorcerers that lived on earth many centuries ago. “Dear shamans of the past, representing tribes of American Indians that were raped and slaughtered by the founding settlers of America, I call upon thee. I summon thee. I beseech thee to come forth and join me in my quest for justice and karma.” “The druids of my time call me She Dragon, Isis reincarnated, the goddess Kuan Yin herself, Gaea, the true daughter of heaven on earth, the Holy Grail, the goddess of life and the goddess of death. Use me as thy vessel. Come to me and connect your souls with mine. Together we shall bring havoc, death and destruction upon those who wronged you and your people. Together we shall bring havoc, death and destruction upon the guilty and the greedy in the land called America, a nation borne out of murder, rape and plunder, a nation borne from genocide.” As soon as I spoke I saw the shamans rise in unison from the silver smoke that encircled me. They formed a line, following one leader,

265 MARLENE AGUILAR an enchanted man who possessed the oldest soul amongst their kind. They were dressed in ceremonial robes in full regalia as they had during their existence on earth. How majestic and beautiful they looked to me. Their faces seemed like leather, weathered by time and war. They remained brave and proud as they did when they lived on our planet. These men and women are brave warriors of heaven. And we gathered there in the void to show evil America that there are unseen and divine forces far greater than all their military power. Together, we held each other’s hands floating in space and time, surrounded by a forest of infinite greatness, greyness and silence. There we formed a circle, floating amidst an eternal ocean of grey. As soon as we did, the yellow serpent that lives at the very center of the earth awakened from its slumber. Instantly fire burned at the center of the sphere before us, a massive bonfire that came from the breath of the giant snake. This celestial reptile is the cosmic force that guards the very core of the earth. The fire before us was a symbol that she gave us her blessing. She too, demands equilibrium. I stood there among the wizards facing the blaze. In the meantime, the divine snake remained vigil underneath us, guarding us. Suddenly, the male magi who held my left hand began to chant; his voice was so moving and captivating it drew tears from my eyes. The others followed. I closed my eyes, and I listened to them speaking in different tongues, but chanting the same curse of death against the bloodlines of those who massacred their people. I saw the past flashing quickly before me. And suddenly I heard the screaming of men and women and children, running in sheer fear and terror, while vicious white men on horseback shot them to death without mercy. I saw a mountain overflowing with countless bodies of dead Indians of all

266 MIRROR OF MIND ages, piled on top of each other, slaughtered in their own homes and on their own lands, in the name of evil and greed. Meanwhile, the voice of chanting shamans echoed in my ear, intoxicating all my senses. Their invocations were so corrupting and haunting; it was deafening. The sound they created was so powerful it pierced through the hearts of every soul in the universe. Each of the shamans recited the same curse of death against the people of America, the very same people that destroyed their lives, their homes and their lands. In perfect unison, they cried for justice and vengeance on and on and on; it seemed like it would never end. I did not chant with them. That wasn’t why I was there. I was merely there to act as a cosmic conduit. I am their vessel. After all, I am the vessel of every soul that demands salvation. My role was to bring the shamans’ spell back into this time. And that is exactly what I did. So, I took the druids’ curses and transformed them into one celestial ball of fire. Then, I unleashed that energy of death into this time, like a colossal bomb targeting the guilty and the greedy in the land called America. Strange events began to occur in the US, immediately following this ritual. On April 15, 2013, there was a bombing in Boston that killed three people and injured two hundred and sixty four. On April 17, 2013, there was an explosion in Texas that killed seventy and injured over two hundred. On April 18, 2013 a tornado hit Mississippi. On May 12, 2013 a tornado hit Oklahoma. On May 16, 2013 sixteen tornadoes devastated communities in Texas overnight, killing six people, injuring dozens and leaving hundreds of people homeless. On May 17, 2013 trains in Connecticut collided injuring sixty people. On May 20, 2013 tornadoes attacked Oklahoma again.

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On May 23, 2013 a bridge in Washington collapsed. On the same day there was an earthquake in Northern California with a magnitude of 5.2 on the Richter scale. Still on the same day, there was flooding in Texas that killed two people, while two hundred were rescued. On May 25, 2013 a train collided in Missouri that caused the highway overpass to collapse killing three people. Also, on May 25, 2013 NBC News reported: “Third victim found dead as flood warnings remain in Sodden, San Antonio.” Weather Channel meteorologist Nick Wiltgen said San Antonio received 12.16 inches of rain in the 24 hours that ended at 11 a.m. (noon ET) Saturday. That is just shy of the 24-hour record of 13.35 inches in October 1998.” On May 28, 2013, another train was thrown of its tracks. AP reported: “May 28 Tuesday ROSEDALE, Md. (AP) — A CSX freight train crashed into a trash truck, derailed and caught fire Tuesday in a Baltimore suburb, setting off an explosion that rattled homes at least a half-mile away and sent a plume of smoke into the air that could be seen for miles. In the third serious derailment this month, the dozen or so rail cars, at least one carrying hazardous materials, went off the tracks at about 2 p.m. in Rosedale, a suburb east of Baltimore.” On May 30, 2013, Reuters stated: “LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas - Severe storms spawned a dozen reported tornadoes in Oklahoma and Arkansas on Thursday, injuring at least five people and sending residents scrambling for cover 10 days after a powerful twister killed 24 people in Oklahoma.

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In western Arkansas, two people were injured in a tornado near Oden that destroyed a house and downed power lines. Three others were injured in a storm north of Amity, Arkansas, the state emergency management department said.” On May 31, 2013, at least three tornadoes hit Oklahoma, including one in Tulsa, and two more touched down in Arkansas on Thursday as a raging storm moved through the middle of the country, injuring at least nine people. On the same day, AP reported: “HOUSTON — Four firefighters were killed while battling a fire that engulfed a Houston motel and restaurant on Friday, and at least five other people were hospitalized, authorities said. Flames were shooting from the roof of the Southwest Inn, along one of Houston’s most heavily traveled expressways, and black smoke was blanketing the area as firefighters tried to extinguish the blaze. Three firefighters were killed at the scene, while the fourth died at a hospital, according to the mayor’s office and local medical examiner. Five other people were injured and were being treated at a hospital for chest pains or leg injuries. The loss of life is the single worst in the history of the 116-year- old Houston Fire Department.” Here is another news from AP on the same day. “LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Severe weather hammered the nation’s heartland again Friday, with tornado warnings posted in the Southern Plains and Arkansas recovering from a flash flood that killed a county sheriff who was checking on a home surrounded by rising water. Well before Oklahoma’s first thunderstorms fired up at late afternoon, the Storm Prediction Center in Norman, Okla., was

269 MARLENE AGUILAR already predicting a violent evening. From the Texas border to near Joplin, Mo., residents were told to keep an eye to the sky and an ear out for sirens. The warned area included Moore, an Oklahoma City suburb where 24 people died in a twister last week. Forecasters labeled the tornado watch as a “particularly dangerous situation,” with ominous language about strong tornadoes and hail the size of grapefruits — 4 inches in diameter. Flash flooding and tornadoes killed three people in Arkansas late Thursday and Friday. Three others were missing in floods that followed 6 inches of rain in the rugged Ouachita Mountains near Y City, 125 miles west of Little Rock. The Fourche La Fave River rose 24 feet in just 24 hours. “The water just comes off that hill like someone is pouring a bucket in there,” said Danny Straessle, a spokesman for the Arkansas Department of Highway and Transportation. The Fourche La Fave temporarily swamped U.S. 71. Most tornadoes in the United States are relatively small, but the one that hit Moore on May 20 was a top-of-the scale EF5 with winds at 210 mph. Of the 60 EF5 tornadoes to hit since 1950, Oklahoma and Alabama have been hit the most — seven times each. Moore has been hit twice — last week and in 1999. This spring’s tornado season got a late start, with unusually cool weather keeping funnel clouds at bay until mid-May. The season usually starts in March and then ramps up for the next couple of months.” On June 1, 2013, AP confirmed: “PECOS, N.M. — Fire crews are battling two wildfires in New Mexico that have scorched thousands of acres, spurred evacuation calls for dozens of homes and shut down a state highway.

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Officials said the fire in New Mexico’s Santa Fe National Forest more than doubled in size by Friday night and was still totally uncontained. Officials asked residents in 140 homes — mostly used for the summer — to leave as crews battled the 3.9-square-mile (2,500- acre) blaze near the communities of Pecos and Tres Lagunas, about 25 miles east of Santa Fe. They also evacuated campgrounds and closed trailheads around Pecos, Las Vegas and Santa Fe as they worked on containment lines in hopes of preventing the fire from moving toward the capital city’s watershed and the Tres Lagunas community. Friday night, officials said a second, smaller wildfire about 50 miles northwest of Albuquerque was also causing evacuations. State forestry said in a statement that the Thompson Ridge fire near Jemez Springs started in the afternoon and had grown to an estimated 725 acres by evening. The service said about 50 homes in the area had been evacuated and one home was damaged by the fire. A day earlier, gusts had driven flames toward the rural community of Green Valley and forced people to vacate about 200 homes. The fire led to the evacuations of a church camp off Lake Elizabeth and a forest service campground called Cottonwood, Judy said. Only a handful of campers were there, he said. Some 600 firefighters working in 85-degree heat used hoes, shovels and bulldozers to scrape away brush on the rugged hillsides near Castaic along Interstate 5. Two firefighters suffered minor injuries. In fighting the blaze in New Mexico’s Santa Fe National Forest, a helicopter helped with efforts to secure the western perimeter of the fire Friday morning, but it was grounded by late morning due to high winds.

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Officials said a downed power line ignited the blaze Thursday. It’s the first major wildfire this year in New Mexico, which is in its driest two-year period in nearly 120 years of record keeping.” On the same day, June 1, 2013, news from Reuters said: “OKLAHOMA CITY - Tornadoes killed five people in central Oklahoma including a mother and her baby and menaced Oklahoma City and its hard-hit suburb of Moore, before the storm system tracked northeast early on Saturday. The National Weather Service said the severe weather threat would shift into neighboring Illinois and Missouri, where Governor Jay Nixon declared a state of emergency on Friday. The tornadoes struck just 11 days after a twister ranked as EF5, the most powerful ranking possible, tore through Moore and killed 24 people. The mother and baby were killed on Friday while traveling on Interstate 40, just west of Oklahoma City, when their vehicle was picked up by the storm and they were sucked out of it, said Betsy Randolph, spokeswoman for the Oklahoma Highway Patrol. The interstate was shut down due to the storm, with multiple crashes and injuries. Over 40 people were being treated for storm-related injuries - including five in critical condition, among them a child, according to the Oklahoma-based Integris Health hospital system. Meteorologists had earlier declared a tornado emergency for parts of the Oklahoma City metropolitan area, and at one point they posted a tornado warning for Moore. A tornado rampaged down Interstate 40 toward Oklahoma City, tipping over trucks and hurling hay bales, a witness said. Television images showed downed power lines and tossed cars as the storm systems dumped at least 3 inches of rain, stranding motorists in

272 MIRROR OF MIND floodwater. Tim Oram, meteorologist for the National Weather Service, said it was difficult to know exactly how many tornadoes had touched down, but three major thunderstorms with the potential to produce tornadoes moved through the center of the state. The service later lifted a tornado warning for Oklahoma City and surrounding areas, as flash floods in the wake of the storms dunked parts of the sprawling metropolitan area - home to more than 1.3 million people - under water. Storms also swept into neighboring Missouri, where Governor Jay Nixon declared a state of emergency on the heels of what he said was several days of heavy rain. Winds turned over semi-trailer trucks on Interstate 70 between St. Louis and St. Charles County to the west, said Brett Lord-Castillo, spokesman for the St. Louis County Emergency Management Agency. Hollywood Casino in Maryland Heights was evacuated when part of its roof was blown off, Lord-Castillo said. No deaths or serious injuries were reported in the greater St. Louis area. Power utilities Oklahoma Gas and Electric and Ameren said 200,000 customers were without power in Oklahoma, Missouri and Illinois, which had been under a tornado warning on Thursday. On Thursday, storms in Oklahoma and Arkansas killed at least three people, including Scott County, Arkansas, Sheriff Cody Carpenter, whose body was recovered early on Friday, said a spokesman for the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission. A man also died in Tull, Arkansas, when a tree fell on his car, and a woman’s body was found in floodwaters in Scott County on Friday. Large, long-lasting thunderstorms known as super cells are

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responsible for producing the strongest tornadoes, along with large hail and other dangerous winds.” Also on the same day, June 1, 2013, Reuters affirmed: “Four firefighters died and 13 others were injured on Friday when a roof collapsed during a blaze at a hotel and restaurant in southwest Houston, fire department and city officials said. The firefighters were searching for people who may have been trapped inside when the roof gave way, Fire Chief Terry Garrison told a news conference. “They were in the highest amount of risk possible because we thought we had some civilians in the structure,” he said. “Unfortunately, the building had much more fire in it than we originally thought. The structure collapsed, and our members, while trying to save lives, were trapped.” It was the worst loss of firefighters in a single incident in the department’s history.” June 2, 2013, Wall St. Cheat Sheet stated: “Oklahoma is still reeling from the newest tornado that hit Friday and left flooding in its wake. The storms severely affectedOklahoma City on Friday, leaving at least nine dead, including two children. More than a hundred more were injured. On Saturday, more than 98,000 people in the state’s capital were without power, and there were more than 100,000 across the state that were still without power. Severe flooding has also been a major issue in the wake of the storm, and it has hampered recovery efforts even though the tornado was not as bad as the one that hit Moore earlier in the month. Flood waters in Oklahoma City reached four feet on Saturday and are expected to get higher.” June 2, 2013, AP confirmed: “PORTLAND, Maine — Damaging winds flattened trees and

274 MIRROR OF MIND utility wires and knocked out power in parts of northern New England on Sunday, flights were delayed in New York City and a tornado touched down in South Carolina as the East Coast weathered the remnants of violent storms that claimed 13 lives in Oklahoma. Heavy rain, thunderstorms, high winds and hail moved through sections of the Northeast on Sunday afternoon, knocking out power to more than 40,000 in Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine. The National Weather Service issued a rare tornado warning as a line of thunderstorms raced through New Hampshire into western Maine. In northwestern South Carolina, a tornado knocked a home off its foundation and blew part of the roof off, said Taylor Jones, director of emergency management for Anderson County. Some trees were blown down and there was heavy rain, but no widespread damage. No injuries were reported. ‘It was an isolated incident,’ Jones said.” Below are a series of conversations I had with my sister Aida via Skype. May 16, 2013: “Two trains collided in Connecticut.” “What? How could that happen?” “Voodoo. I’m telling you, America is not going to escape the curse of the Shamans. It is time.” “So many calamities are happening in the US now.” “There will be more to come. Just watch.” “Even Obama is suffering the worst scandal in his career. There is talk of impeaching him.” “Voodoo. He’s not going to escape it, because the guilty cannot run from karma.”

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May 20, 2013: “Tornadoes hit Oklahoma. News says this is the most damaging tornado in the history of the world.” “Oh my god!” “Why am I ahead of you with news?” “You get it from yahoo, I get mine from TV. There’s a tornado watch in Arkansas too. It’s thundering so loud here.” May 23, 2013: “A bridge in the state of Washington collapsed earlier.” “What?” “And an earthquake with 5.2 magnitude hit California on the same day.” “Oh my god. This country is getting hit with disasters one after the other.” Monday, May 27, 2013: “It’s going to be your birthday soon.” “Yes, in two hours. It’s only ten in the evening here. But it’s already my birthday there.” “Happy birthday!” “Thank you!” “Steve and I met each other fourteen years ago on this very same day. We don’t celebrate our wedding day. We celebrate the day we met.” “By the way, two trains collided again in Missouri on Saturday causing an overpass to collapse.” “Oh my god, again?” “How long have you been in the States?” “Fourteen years.” “Have you ever known two trains to collide in the US in those fourteen years?”

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“No. I don’t remember it happening before.” “Now, it happened twice and in the same month. Two trains collided in Connecticut. Then a week later, two trains collided in Missouri.” “There’s flooding in Texas too.” “Yes, I heard two people were killed and another is missing.” “I told you, the US will not escape this curse. The spell of the ancient American Indian Shamans is like an atomic bomb that has been released in this reality. People don’t see it’s energy but they see the damages it creates.” “By the way, watch what happens in America next month. June is the 6th month of the year. Some tragedy will strike the US that will further authenticate that the catastrophes they face are sanctioned by the black voodoo cast upon them by the American Indian Shamans through me.” “The oracles believe I can command the five elements. They believe I can command the powers of yin and yang. Most sorcerers use different objects to perform their spells. I do not have to use objects. All I have to do is close my eyes and go into trance. In that state, I have empowered the wishes of the American Indian Shamans using the five elements to give it power. And that is worse than an atomic bomb. It will not stop until the dead sorcerers are satiated.” “Atomic bomb you can’t see. It’s amazing how you can channel your energy in such a way.” I normally speak to my sister between nine in the morning and noon, my time, which is exactly the opposite timing for her. Later on that day, I checked the news on the Internet and the narrative below is what I found. I am quoting it in Italics. “Oklahoma tornado was stronger than Hiroshima bomb: How? When the conditions are exactly right – and they were, for the

277 MARLENE AGUILAR tornado that devastated Oklahoma City yesterday – a tornado can unleash more power than the nuclear bomb dropped on Hiroshima. Everything had to come together just perfectly to create the killer tornado in Moore, Okla.: wind speed, moisture in the air, temperature and timing. And when they did, the awesome energy released over that city dwarfed the power of the atomic bomb that leveled Hiroshima. On Tuesday, the National Weather Service gave it the top-of- the-scale rating of EF5 for wind speed and breadth, and severity of damage. Wind speeds were estimated at between 200 and 210 mph. The death count is 24 so far, including at least nine children. The United States averages about one EF5 a year, but this was the first in nearly two years. To get such an uncommon storm to form is “a bit of a Goldilocks problem,” said Pennsylvania State University meteorology Professor Paul Markowski. “Everything has to be just right.” For example, there must be humidity for a tornado to form, but too much can cut the storm off. The same goes with the cold air in a downdraft: Too much can be a storm-killer. But when the ideal conditions do occur, watch out. The power of nature beats out anything man can create.” “Everything was ready for explosive development yesterday,” said Colorado State University meteorology professor Russ Schumacher, who was in Oklahoma launching airborne devices that measured the energy, moisture and wind speeds on Monday. “It all just unleashed on that one area.” Several meteorologists contacted by The Associated Press used real time measurements, some made by Schumacher, to calculate the energy released during the storm’s 40-minute life span. Their estimates ranged from 8 times to more than 600 times the power

278 MIRROR OF MIND of the Hiroshima bomb, with more experts at the high end. Their calculations were based on energy measured in the air and then multiplied over the size and duration of the storm.” Earlier on, I told my sister something peculiar would happen in the US during the month of June, something that would further authenticate the black voodoo the American Indian shamans cast against America. Why? Because it is June, the 6th month of the year, the month of my birth. And the numbers 6 and 9 are magical numbers that empower me. I was born on June 19, the same day Jose Rizal, national hero of the Philippines was born. I find it interesting that Jose Rizal had some special connection with Germany. I saw the sculpture they put up in honor of him at the university in Heidelberg when I visited there many years ago. And I find the Deutsche language so familiar to me. I believe I was German in one of my many lives. When I was a baby, an oracle foretold that my life would be in danger when I grew up. The prophecy declared that my parents had to keep my date of birth a secret, because if people found out the numbers representing my arrival on earth, they would kill me. So, my father changed the information on my birth certificate from June 19 to June 30. Although, I celebrated my birthdays on June 19, my school documents, passports and other identifications show June 30 as my date of birth. I found this news on the Internet. Wildfire broke out in Yarnell, Arizona on June 28, 2013. On June 30, it besieged and killed 19 firefighters from the Prescott Fire Department’s interagency Granite Mountain Hotshots. This is the highest wild land firefighter death toll in the United States since the 1933 Griffith Park Fire. Overall, it is the sixth deadliest American firefighter disaster and the deadliest wildfire in the history of Arizona.

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I read that the fire department originally deployed 20 firefighters to the scene but one of them couldn’t go. So only 19 firefighters arrived to contain the wildfire in Yarnell. I want you to take a good look at the numbers. 19 firefighters died on June 30. 19 and 30 are numbers representing my birthday, the former being real and the latter is the number on my identifications. Moreover, this deadly incident occurred in June, the 6th month of the year, my birth month. On April 15, I’d gone to sleep and then I woke up before midnight. I found myself contemplating and looking into the distant future. I imagined over seven billion people exhausting the planet’s resources day in and day out. I couldn’t see how the earth could possibly survive unless a great fraction of dumb mankind perished. Then I thought of putting a curse of death against humans aiming at the greedy and the ignorant. I lay there with only blackness as my company thinking about the fate of mankind. In my vision, I saw the islands of the Philippines crawling with a hundred million Filipinos, the majority of whom are very poor and uneducated, littering the land, the rivers, the lakes and the ocean. I asked myself the same question over and over. Why do people breed like animals? On April 16, I cast a black spell that would cull the population of mankind, targeting the greedy and the ignorant, which would contaminate every corner of the earth. While in a state of trance and while casting the black spell against mankind, I saw tragic events that occurred in my life in 2010. Due to the hate propaganda paid for by the government of the day using the vile media, I saw how the people of the Philippines condemned my son Jason Ivler and me without any trial. Right then and there, I decided to cast a special curse of death against the people of the Philippines. While suspended amidst an infinite void of blackness, I

280 MIRROR OF MIND whispered to the goddess of karma: “Let those who point their fingers at others without compassion suffer the absolute fury of heaven and hell.” On April 17, there was the Texas bombing that instantly killed 70 people and injured hundreds. On the same day, a massive tornado attacked Mississippi, Alabama and Arkansas. On April 20, there was a strong earthquake in China instantly killing one hundred sixty people and injuring thousands more. Later on, I read on the Internet that nearly two hundred people died in this earthquake and six thousand one hundred people were injured. I know some of you might question these dates but remember the US NSA monitors all that I do. Their agents watch these words as I type them. This is why I spoke to my sister via Skype and told her the dates when I did my rituals of death against mankind so that the NSA agents could hear the conversation. All over the world, strong earthquakes beyond the magnitude 5.5 began on April 16, 2013, the same day I cast the spell of death. There were 11 deadly earthquakes recorded in 2013, but only two occurred before April 16. On April 16, 2013 there was earthquake in Iran with 7.8 magnitude that killed 35 people. On April 20, 2013, a strong earthquake with a magnitude of 6.6 hit the province Sichuan in China. This killed 193 people and damaged 4,000 homes. In addition, this natural disaster wounded 11,200 and sent 8,200 victims to the hospital. On April 24, 2013 an earthquake hit Afghanistan killing at least 27 people and injuring one hundred fifty. On the same day, a factory building of eight stories in Bangladesh collapsed killing 1,100 people. On April 29, 2013 an explosion in the center of Prague injured around forty people, leaving many buried under debris.

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On July 2, 2013, 35 people were killed in Aceh, Indonesia due to an earthquake with a magnitude of 6.1. On July 22, 2013, 95 people were killed in Gansu, China due to an earthquake with a magnitude of 5.9. On September 25, 2013, an earthquake with a magnitude of 7.7 killing 825 people and injuring hundreds more shuddered the province of Baluchistan. Pakistan. On September 28, another earthquake with a magnitude of 6.8 struck Pakistan that killed at least 45 people. On October 15, 2013 an earthquake with a magnitude of 7.2 attacked the province of Bohol, Philippines killing 222. On November 29, 2013, seven people died in Borasjan, Iran because of an earthquake with a magnitude of 7. In the beginning of June, 2013 a great flood that has never been witnessed before threatened several countries in central Europe. Here is the story of the merciless rain that pounced on the ten countries surrounding the vast Danube and Elbe rivers, and its neighbors. As I said earlier, the Buddhist oracles that have spiritually guided me for more than two decades call me by many names. One of them is Gaea. In Greek mythology, this goddess is the personification of the earth, the creator of the planet and the universe, the great mother of all. Toward the end of May, Gaea sat at the very center of the planet clutching her aching heart, grieving for the fate of all living things. “I can’t bear to watch mankind inflict pain on all life on earth, “ she whispered to herself. Clear and sparkling water fell from her most loving eyes. Her mind drifted into the very distant past, traveling from one millennium to another and another. She thought of the last four and half billion years of her existence her heart beating in pure anguish reminiscing the millennia that had gone by. She

282 MIRROR OF MIND remembered the failed civilizations of humans in olden times before written history. These were ancient societies that came and vanished because they disrupted the balance of all things. These humanities had gone so wrong; the sun, the moon and the stars demanded their extinction in order to protect the universe. She mourned the death of these eras like a mother would mourn for her dead children. Today is December 21, 2013. We are now at the verge of the Age of Aquarius. In this modern day, mankind endangers the survival of all living things once more, including that of Mother Earth. Man has little idea how he has made earth sick. If he persists in attacking the planet, soon he will make Gaea herself ill. Therefore, he will deny her the strength to maintain her position in the alignment of planets in the universe. Equilibrium amongst the planets will be at risk, threatening the sun, the moon and the stars, thereby afflicting all the universes and all the galaxies beyond. We are all connected. From the tiniest microbe to the biggest whale in the sea, and all the blades of grass in the meadows, all the hills, and the valleys, the mountains and the trees, and all the birds in the sky, every human, every animal, every plant, every star, every planet and the sun, and the moon are all connected. We are all bonded to everything in this planet. We are all bonded to everything in the universe and the galaxies beyond. The evolution of even the tiniest particle of life in this matrix affects all that is. Gaea continued to cry concerned for the survival of all life on earth, her countless children. After all, every life on earth is her offspring. Every life in this planet was born out of her womb. She wept for every species in the plant kingdom wondering how she could protect them from the cruelty of men. She wept for every species in the animal kingdom wondering how she could protect them from hideous men.

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“Why is man never content? Why does he murder his brothers and sisters for greed? No other creature in the animal kingdom is so immoral,” she murmured to herself. “He takes from me more than he needs endangering all life on this planet. Why is man the only species with such evil and greed?” Gaea asked, weeping on and on and on. She cried so hard she formed a great river of tears on the ground before her. Unknown to her, the goddess of karma heard her wailing. She came to her. Then she circled around the great mother of all, gazing at her with sorrow and compassion in her silver eyes. However, Gaea couldn’t see the deity of fate. She couldn’t see anything at all because a thick curtain of tears blocked her vision. She couldn’t see that while she cried, Karma gathered all the water from the river of teardrops before her. Moreover, Gaea couldn’t see that the angry goddess diverted the water born out of her grief into the clouds hovering over the Elbe and the Danube, the vast rivers in central Europe. The Danube is an international waterway, which starts from the Black Forest in Donaueschingen, Germany. From there, it runs southeast for 2,872 kilometers passing through Romania, Austria, Hungary, Serbia, Germany, Bulgaria, Slovakia, Ukraine, Moldova and Croatia. The river passes through the capitals of four states before it finally empties into the Black Sea in Romania and Ukraine. The Danube is the longest river within the European Union and the second longest river in Europe. It passes through ten countries, but there are nine other countries contributing to its river basin. It is the only river on earth that collects water from 19 countries. Therefore, over 81 million people with various cultures speaking different languages call the Danube Basin their homeland. Like the Danube, the Elbe River is one of the major waterways in

284 MIRROR OF MIND central Europe running northwest from Czech Republic, Germany and the North Sea. The length of the Elbe is 1,165 kilometers, two- thirds of which flows through Germany and the rest through Czech Republic. The river surges near the border of the Czech Republic and Poland at the south side of Krkonoše Mountains. It then crosses the northwestern Czech Republic called Bohemia before it goes through eastern Germany, southeast of Dresden. When it reaches the top of Hamburg, it splits into two branches. Further down the stream it meets up again before it reaches the North Sea. As soon as Karma performed her black spell, the skies turned heavy and gloomy all around the Danube and the Elbe. Suddenly, the clouds were laden with thick veils of darkness born out of Karma’s utter wrath against mankind’s absolute ignorance and disrespect for Gaea. Lightning struck the earth followed by roaring thunder that pierced through the eardrums of the guilty, especially the greedy. Heavy rain began to fall from the raging skies that cut through the ground like daggers from Hades bearing the curse of divine forces. Meanwhile, Gaea continued her weeping while Karma relentlessly gathered her tears thrusting every single drop into the clouds above. It rained on and on and on. By the time Gaea stopped crying, a great flood had assaulted several nations in central Europe. The dreadful rain caused flooding that invaded the Elbe and the Danube leading to high waters reaching life-threatening levels. The German states of Saxony, Shaxony-Anhalt, Lower Saxony, Thuringia, Bavaria and Baden-Württemberg, as well as Austria suffered damage. The western regions of the Czech Republic, Slovakia, Belarus, Poland, Serbia and even Switzerland suffered from the catastrophe as well. In the last 156 years, Austria only suffered this kind of rainfall three times. During the month of May there was twice the amount

285 MARLENE AGUILAR of rainfall in Austria compared to its average. From May 30 to June 1, 2013, 5.9 to 7.9 inches of rain fell in 72 hours, when normally it would take two and a half months for this amount of rain to fall from the sky. On the 1st of June, numerous train lines were postponed in Austria. All ships had to a stop on the entire Austrian stretch of the Danube. The people from the town of Etlenau were evacuated. In Pongau, one person died due to a mudslide. Train services between Munich, Germany and Salzburg, Austria were interrupted. A motorway in Switzerland was shut down together with various roads all over the country. In Salzburg, Voralberg and Tyrol the majority of the rain came in 48 hours, which they say happens only once in every century. Showers and intense rain continued to fall after June 2, 2013 adding to the flood, which resulted in flash flooding in Warsaw. All over Central Europe many roads were impassable. Companies shut down because workers couldn’t get to work. In Germany, soils had absorbed record level of moisture even before the rains. So the flood that came endangered the territory that was already terribly saturated with moisture. On June 1, 2013, Passau was underwater. It is known as the City of Three Rivers because two rivers meet the Danube in this place, the Ilz from the north and the Inn from the south. The water level went up to 42.2 feet breaking the highest recorded flood level in the history of Passau. In the state of Bavaria, a dike was damaged near the town of Deggendorf resulting in record-breaking water levels of 26 feet. Buildings were submerged in water up to 6.6 feet high. In the town of Fischerdorf, water invaded the windows on the second floor of houses. Even the fire station was flooded and cars worth millions of Euros were destroyed.

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In the city of Magdeburg, the water levels on the Elbe River went up 16 feet beyond the normal level. So on the 9th of June, 23,000 people fled their homes for safety. In Prague, floodwaters invaded the walkways along the Vltava River. Public transportation lines were closed. One thousand soldiers from the Czech Army were deployed to build defenses against the flood. In northern and western Bohemia, including parts of the Czech capital, firemen evacuated over seven thousand people between June 2 and June 3. In Modrany, Zbraslav, Lahovice and Velká Chuchle, hundreds of homes were evacuated. Helicopters flew in to rescue some people who were trapped in their homes. Tigers in the zoo were sedated and transferred to a safer location. On June 4, the government released 203 million US dollars to repair the damages caused by the flood. By the 5th of June, more than 19,000 people were evacuated in the Czech Republic On June 5, 2013, flooding in Budapest, Hungary occurred. The Prime Minister Viktor Orbán deployed 8,000 crisis personnel, 8,000 soldiers, 3,600 policemen and 1,400 water management experts to deal with the disaster after he declared a state of emergency on the areas surrounding the Danube River. The volumetric flow rate is a term used in physics and engineering. It represents the quantity of fluid, which passes through a given surface per unit of time. In Bratislava, the capital of Slovakia, the volumetric flow rate in the Danube reached 372,000 cubic feet per second – the highest fluid flow rate ever recorded. While the element of water consumed the west, fire engulfed a poultry processing plant in northeast China on June 3 killing at least 119 people and injuring 54 more. Back in America, I cast a spell against the US president and his administration. I found this news on the Internet dated July 24,

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2013. Chris Good wrote: “Conservative senators are threatening to shut down the government unless the implementation of Obamacare is halted. Having railed against the Affordable Care Act (ACA) since before it passed, a group of Senate conservatives will take their fight to a new level, publicly refusing to fund the federal government if the ACA’s implementation continues.” Regarding the shutdown of the US government, according to Wikipedia: “From October 1 through 16, 2013, the United States federal government entered a shutdown and curtailed most routine operations after Congress failed to enact legislation appropriating funds for fiscal year 2014, or a continuing resolution for the interim authorization of appropriations for fiscal year 2014. Regular government operations resumed October 17 after an interim appropriations bill was signed into law. During the shutdown, approximately 800,000 federal employees were indefinitelyfurloughed , and another 1.3 million were required to report to work without known payment dates. Only those government services deemed “excepted” under the Antideficiency Act were continued; and only those employees deemed “excepted” continued to report to work. The previous U.S. federal government shutdown was in 1995–96. The 16-day-long shutdown of October 2013 was the third-longest government shutdown in U.S. history, after the 18-day shutdown in 1978 and the 21-day 1995–96 shutdown.” On May 16, 2013, I sent this email to Gabriel. “Your people here abducted two of my assets from immigration jail, to use them of course. Then they sent them to do stupid missions, missions I didn’t agree was sound. They could have waited. So, since

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the US handler leading the team is an idiot, the assets were busted! And they were busted twice in a row. The morons at the embassy couldn’t do shit, and yours truly had to get these men out of the mess they were in!! It’s been six years of this SHIT! What the fuck? How could you possibly call yourselves men? Old fags. Correction – they fucked up three times in a row and in the same week! The last two times the assets were detained by the police after they were caught. In addition, in both instances, there was a witness! The soldiers are only as good as their leaders, you know that. So, if you’re going to have a moron lead these men, then what do you expect? What the fuck is wrong with you and your brothers? How did America ever get anywhere with retards like the handler taking charge of these men? I have never seen anything so stupid in my entire life!” Here is another email I sent Gabriel, dated May 20, 2013. “Working with the US has been one double-dealing after another. Working with your brothers has been one lie after another. After six years of torment, your brothers taught me there is no honor and integrity left in Washington DC. America is fucked, so is the world. Today, I despise you and your brothers more than ever. I have no respect left for men like you. The deal is off. Please do me a great favor. Tell your brothers, “I’D RATHER DIE THAN WORK WITH THEM!” I forwarded the above emails to Caesar. He wrote back and stated, “I’m curious to see what kind of reaction you get.” I wrote Caesar back. I said, “How could they expect me to continue working with them? My god. They are scum. They may have muscle power and money in this matrix. But in heaven and hell,

289 MARLENE AGUILAR they are nothing but dirt! They have no honor whatsoever. They are all slaves of darkness, nothing more. How heartbreaking. Mankind is doomed.” May 20, 2013, I received this message from my copy editor. She is talking about Dick, the academe. “How did a ghost on Facebook get so lucky as to merit more than a whole chapter’s worth of attention from Marlene Aguilar? You toyed with a stranger and sent him on a roller-coaster ride. Sometimes he spoke with amazing clarity and sometimes he spoke like a blubbering idiot. For the times he was the latter, his narrative is peppered with [ sic ] to indicate the misspelt words are his; not yours, not a typo. I tried texting you a couple of days ago. Every time I hit SEND my phone insisted on converting my text to a media file. My SMS became an MMS no matter how many times I tried and then it would hang. I turned my phone off and on several times which is akin to doing a hard reset on a computer. I tried hitting send, same thing happened. Then I called you just to see if I can still reach you. It rang but no answer. I texted again then you called. I was relieved at the time, thought all was good again, but then realized you called me back because I called, not because I texted. After you see this, text me. I just want to know if we can still communicate via text. I swear this only happens with you. But you already knew that Jo” Here is my reply to Josephine. “Of course I would engage with a ghost who knows people representing the brotherhood of fags in DC.” May 22, 2013, I just got home from buying Maya a pair of black

290 MIRROR OF MIND shoes with silver and funky studs from Robinson’s Mall. I must have been there a total of twenty minutes, which was all I could take. When I opened my Facebook, Kuma Mori who has read all my books from Warriors of Heaven to The Key, posted this YouTube link on her Facebook wall today, http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=8RVruQCFgSc&feature=share. The site features me singing The Rose, which was earlier recorded by Bette Midler. She wrote – “This is the song that made Misao san cry like a river. I said the singer is a Filipina named Marlene Aguilar. How funny she was, she then asked me if the singer was still alive because her voice sounds so classic.” The majority of Filipinos are Catholics who sightlessly obey the rules of the institution. I’d never understand why people should worship a god who demands blind obedience from its followers. Today, I wrote this on my Facebook wall. “I am not against Jesus Christ. I am against the Vatican. These two are not one and the same. The Vatican is an institution that exists for profit. Numerous books on history prove that the Vatican supported Hitler while he murdered six million Jews. The Vatican is the biggest shareholder of Beretta arms. The Vatican has been involved in laundering money for the Mafia, blood money, which came from crimes. The Vatican has protected priests guilty of raping tens of thousands of children. For me, the Vatican destroyed the image of Jesus Christ. I have no hatred for Jesus at all. But I stand against the evil Vatican that uses the name of Jesus for profit and gain. I don’t understand why people cannot separate the Vatican from Jesus Christ. The Vatican has exploited the name of Jesus in so many hideous ways. Why do Catholics need the church to believe in Jesus? Why do Catholics hold on to the Vatican? It is a vicious institution that has

291 MARLENE AGUILAR caused havoc for mankind and the world. It is guilty of supporting Nazism, guilty of money laundering, guilty of trading arms, guilty of supporting rapist priests? Why do Catholics need a Pope at all? If Catholics are true believers of Jesus then his spirit should live in their hearts. If they are true followers of Jesus, then his image should be able to sustain them and guide them without the Vatican. Catholics and Christians do not need the evil Vatican. All they need is their genuine faith in Jesus, if they have it at all.” Later on today, I received this message from Paulalet Gatdula. “I started reading your book Bringer of Death. I realize that your book is the only book I could read continuously, because it’s not boring. I became more interested in you even though I realize that for security reasons, not all is written in your book. I told my friends about you when we were drinking together. I just want to say thank you again. I know your books are not cheap but you give the EBooks to us for free.” Here below is my reply to Paulalet. “Thank you so much for writing. Thank you even more for promoting my books to your friends. I wrote my books to free the younger generation of Filipinos from mental slavery. My books will make you proud as Filipinos. My books will give you strength to fight for a better Philippines. So thank you for helping my cause. I didn’t write my books to make money. I wrote them to enlighten mankind. That is something worth more than all the money in the world. Remember that.” I also received this message from Kuma Mori. She stated: “I am now reading the 5th chapter of Bringer of Death. Heavy, it was too heavy for me to bear the whole truth about the game of the political demons in the Philippines. My mind is exploding in

292 MIRROR OF MIND different bloody forms. I will finish chapter 6 later after a good walk around the Japanese cherry blossom trees.” “She Dragon YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE!” I wrote her back and said, “Bringer of Death is my most painful book. But when you finish reading it, you will see that it is also my most powerful book. I will bring death to this plane. And in doing so, I will restore equilibrium.” “Don’t worry. In Chapter 6, lightness will reign over darkness. Remember - the ONE who has suffered unspeakable darkness shall bring light to the world. That is I.” Here is conversation on my Facebook wall between Michael Stewart and me. “Howard Marks met Deepak Chopra in person. And he told me that, ‘in his opinion Deepak Chopra is a charlatan.’ I believe Howard. I tried reading Chopra’s shit. I couldn’t get pass the first few pages of his book. It’s for the birds. But I would like to know what Michael Stewart thinks. What do you think Michael?” “I saw him once being interviewed and it bored me to tears. No thanks I would rather watch paint dry. Just another person making money out of the weak-minded.” “Thank you. I knew we would agree. I read a couple of pages from that crap he wrote about love. I vomited blood!” Here is another message from Kuma Mori, dated April 4, 2013. “I finally got my energy back after finishing Bringer of Death. I continued reading until dawn. Darkness overwhelmed my spiritual will after reading carefully all the events that took place in your life and your family. I believe that “Gloria Labandera”-the woman who loves to wash her dirty linen in the public eye needs to be crucified and stoned to death for what she did to you and Jason Ivler. After all your truthful revelations on the events that took place in your

293 MARLENE AGUILAR life, chances are; this evil woman would eventually commit self- immolation instead of facing the public’s wrath. I admire you and your family for handling your lives with grace and honor despite the fact that you are constantly under siege. Nobody could ever face that kind of horror like you can. If that happened to Kristd she would probably end up running barefooted in the woods and live there, eating her crap. The 5th chapter of the Bringer of Death is not intended for readers with very weak hearts or people with asthma and other related lung problems. I speak for myself. I was crying tremendously when I began reading that 5th chapter after the slight trauma I experienced from chapter 4. Maya is right. The Philippine law enforcers are BAD PEOPLE who trespassed into her bedroom while she was taking a bath. I couldn’t contain my anger at these assholes! FUCK THE SYSTEM! Chapter 5 was so painful to bear. I admire your courage in accepting the possibility of Jason Ivler’s death in the hands of those evil NBI agents. Mothers like me would definitely lose their wits seeing their precious child getting rained with bullets and being tortured afterward. I deeply admire you for your courage to look at your son eye to eye to give him strength while he was being tortured, despite the sight of his gunshot wounds and the blood and all. I deeply admire you for your courage in giving him your maternal spirit to keep him alive during those dreadful moments. There was this one event that almost slashed my gut into pieces. It was when you wrote about the two policemen who came to your home pretending to be interested in your book Warriors of Heaven. While I was reading that part of story, I saw flashes of smoke in my vision. It was your guiding force that I saw and I swear right to this

294 MIRROR OF MIND very moment that the tulips in my vase literally withered that day from the energy of death that came from your book. The last part of Bringer of Death brought back my senses to calm a little bit because of your two fairy friends Paulie and Becca. Readers will undoubtedly be excited to read the last chapter - your astral experience with the Devil will definitely free them from their fears. Thank you very much She Dragon I have to go. There was a sudden earthquake here in Kyoto while I wrote this.” Recently, I came upon this article on the Internet with this headline, “Noynoy voted ‘Worst World Leader’; Hitler in 2nd; Saddam Hussein lands in 3rd place.” The editorial, which was written by Fernan J. Angeles stated: “President Aquino, who has portrayed himself as a popular leader walking the straight path, was voted upon in an online survey that saw him as the world’s worst leader. Two years in the presidential office and Aquino garnered the highest votes in a web-based poll for the World’s Worst Leaders. According to a website Rankopedia (rankopedia.com), the likes of Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, George Bush, Fidel Castro and even Mao Tse Tung are no match to the Philippine President who was voted by internet users from around the world as the “World’s Worst Leader.” Aquino, who is only on his second year as Philippine President, notched the top spot in the list of the World’s Worst Leaders, garnering 63.54 points, followed by German Nazi fascist Adolf Hitler at far second with 43.50 points. The list of the World’s Worst Leaders also had the incumbent President’s mother, Corazon Aquino, his predecessor, and his family’s mortal enemy in the 30,000-member strong Rankopedia roster. With Noynoy Aquino on top, and Hitler in far second, the

295 MARLENE AGUILAR number three spot yielded one “Corazon Aquino of the Philippines” with 40.93 points, followed by George W. Bush with 26.93 points and Josef Stalin at the fifth spot with 25.60. The list also includes Saddam Hussein with 24.48 (=), Kim Jong-il with 22.14 (=), Robert Mugabe with15.99 (=), Pol Pot with11.59 (+ 1), Benito Mussolini with 10.86 (- 1), Barack Obama with 8.66 (=), Fidel Castro with 6.95 (=), Vladimir Putin with 5.91 (+ 1), Francisco Franco with 5.74 (- 1) Chairman Mao Tse Tung with 5.27 (+ 1), Yasser Arafat with 5.03 (- 1), Gloria Macapagal Arroyo with 4.05 (=), Tony Blair with 3.31 (=), Hideki Tojo with 3.10 (=), Ferdinand Marcos with 2.98 (=), Idi Amin Dada Oumee with 2.96 (=), Bill Clinton with 2.43 (+ 1), Leopold II with 2.21 (- 1), Nicolae Ceausescu with 2.20 (+ 1) and completing the list is Silvio Berlusconi with 2.17 (+ 2). The Rankopedia survey showing Aquino as being worse than his predecessor, Gloria Arroyo who is at number 17 and the late strongman Ferdinand Marcos at the 20th spot, is the result of the Web site’s latest online poll embarking on 620 online respondents from all over the world.” If you are in the Philippines these days and you Google Marlene Aguilar, you will get 2,750,000 results in some 18 seconds. But if you Google Marlene Aguilar CIA, you will get 4,860,000 results in the same amount of time. I find that peculiar. June 4, 2013, I received a message from an unknown number. Apparently it was Chief Rodriquez. Here is our dialog. His statements are in Italics. “Hi Ma’am. How are you?” “Who is this, please?” “Ma’am this is chief.” “Chief, I know you’re not heartless. You’ve done me wrong but I know you’re not heartless. They are. They’ve tortured me for the

296 MIRROR OF MIND last 6 years and for what? If they think the gods in DC would ever gain my respect they’re wrong.” “I know Ma’am and thank you very much. I know I’m not heartless. But I also know I’ve wronged you. You’re not the only one they tortured. They tortured all of us that love you.” “They love you even though you’re cursing them every hour every day. They fear you. You should know they fear you.” “Fear me? Why would they fear me? I am one person against so many of them. And they are all armed.” “Ma’am, you are a living goddess. An army couldn’t defeat you. We know that.” “Is the ambassador still alive? I placed a black spell against all at the embassy.” “So many were harmed by your curse. There is chaos among them. 30 people have had heart attacks. Did you know they’ve brought me back? They told me I couldn’t be broken. We couldn’t be separated because my strength comes from you.” June 25, 2013, below is my email to the US NSA: “NSA, Tell the brotherhood of morons in DC, I want them to send a replacement for Gabriel. We’ve reached a dead end street and I’ve lost all my patience with him like he’s lost all his hair. I’m sure you have plenty of mindless grunts in your group to fill his position. Send me three idiots. I will choose the best from the lot. Oh, and those three retards should have hair and no gut. Thank you.” Here is my headline on Facebook, June 26, 2013. “I went to Erric Morris acting school in New York. I also studied acting in college while I was in Massachusetts. The living actors I love because of their exceptional acting abilities are Gary Oldman,

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Daniel Day Lewis, Ben Foster, Ralph Fiennes, Kevin Spacey, Ryan Gosling, Cuba Gooding, John Malkovich, Anthony Hopkins, Cuba Gooding, Kevin Costner, Javier Bardem, Sean Penn and Leonardo di Caprio. I also love Tommy Lee Jones and Bruce Willis, not because of their acting talents but I love the substance they exude on the screen. As far as living actresses, here’s a list of those I admire because of their amazing talents. I love Judi Dench, Vanessa Redgrave, Lyn Redgrave, Jodie Foster, Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett and Maggie Smith. I also love Michelle Pfeiffer, not because of her acting ability but I just love to see her on the screen.” As far as the blockbuster actors like Tom Cruise and others they bring good commercial entertainment to their viewers. However, there is no art in their skills. I prefer British actors to American actors. The former is subtle. Their acting is powered from within. On the other hand, the latter’s acting is in your face. It lacks true substance. I just saw a movie with the Spanish actor Javier Bardem last night. Unfortunately, it had Cameron Diaz in it. I find this woman so ugly inside and out. Every time I see her on the screen, I want to vomit. I don’t understand what the hell she’s doing in film, unless of course she’s playing the role of a whore, in which case she doesn’t need to act at all. How did she get famous in Hollywood when she has absolutely no talent? Does she suck the dick of every director and producer to get roles? My god. For me, Cameron Diaz is the epitome of American shit acting. June 28, 2013, below is my email to Caesar. “I told you earlier that the US abducted two of my foreign assets at the immigration jail. One of them is a Japanese whose life I saved in the past, but that’s a long story. I believe one of the reasons the

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US took them in their custody is so they could execute my enemies. I believe they thought it would be better that way instead of me going after them later.” “Before the election, I told you that these men were sent on missions I didn’t agree was right to carry out. There were so many checkpoints at the time. These men, my men with at least three Filipino assets went to two locations. And from there they took five people.” “I can’t write further details of what went on, but everything about that mission was wrong to me right from the start. It wasn’t kosher.” “I found out yesterday that the people who were supposed to be executed are alive. I heard their ransom was paid.” “Apparently, the US handler sent these men to kidnap these people for ransom. The plan was to execute them after they got the money. They planned to kill them anyway, but the handler wanted to make money in the process, which he could have gotten away with if his plan worked out, but it didn’t. So the two foreign assets along with their American handler didn’t make any money out of the transaction. This is because the Filipino assets fucked them. As soon as these two foreign mercenaries turned their backs, the Filipinos traded the victims.” “Let me tell you something about me. I am totally loyal to my men, to those who serve my purpose. I am loyal to my assets. But toward my enemies, I am utterly heartless. I’m going to kill that handler and those he loves.” My asset spoke to the Japanese today. According to him, the US handler chose the three Filipino assets to work with him on the mission I mentioned earlier. He said, he was instructed by the US handler to take these people and bring them to a safe house and

299 MARLENE AGUILAR leave them in the custody of the three Filipinos. Then he was told to pick up the handler so he could go with him to the safe house. When they got there, everyone was gone. He said he didn’t know that those people were to be kidnapped for ransom. The Japanese believes the American handler set him up. According to him, the handler and his three Filipino assets walked away with the ransom. June 19, 2013 here is my headline on Facebook, followed by remarks from my FB family. Their names precede their comments. By the way, it’s my birthday today. “I LOVE YOU with all my heart and soul, forever and more. But it doesn’t mean you own me. And it doesn’t mean I cannot walk away from you.” Kuma Mori – “This is so powerful! I love it!” I replied and wrote, “The other side of giving everything is giving nothing. It’s the flip side of the coin. Nothing owns me.” Kuma Mori “I copied and pasted your comment as my status with your name at the end. My other friends must read it. Thanks She Dragon.” Xy-Zha Sison Cabanlong – “May I share this one, soul mother?” I answered, “Go ahead. I told all my past lovers that I love them forever. That’s why they thought I’d stay with them forever. Why should I stay when they stopped making me happy? So I left, not because I stopped loving them but because I was no longer happy.” Xy-Zha Sison Cabanlong – “I’m learning so much from your wise words. Leaving when you’re no longer happy is indeed the best thing to do. Thank you, soul mother! Much love!” I responded to Xy-Zha and stated, “Entering a relationship is like walking into a building. You should find the emergency exit as soon as you enter the place. I love you, too.”

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Before I left for Sri Lanka, I sent Gabriel an email asking him to send me his picture. He did send me a recent photo of him wearing his full army gear. On top of that he wore thick dark gay ass sunglasses that concealed his eyes including the upper portion of his nose. I could only really see the tip of his nose and his thin lips. Even his chin was partly covered by the strap attached to his helmet. Here’s our email correspondence. “This is me yesterday, out playing. Do not share with anyone.... Ok.” “Stupid Dwarf. You might as well have covered your entire body with a blanket. Don’t share with anyone, my ass! What the fuck am I going to share when I can’t even see you? Arrrggggggggggggh! You’re hopeless!” “What do you mean? It’s me at work. What can’t you see?” “Unless I see your bald head and your Nazi face, I don’t see you!” “Then get some glasses. :P” “Dwarfy, please send me a photo of you not wearing your ape uniform. I want to see if you’re still wearing those little girls’ panties.” July 29, 2013 today five men attacked Trax’s home. These men rode in the same vehicles US agents used when they came to her canteen before I left for Sri Lanka. Trax told me these US agents came with Chief Rod. They went to her place because the Chief needed to talk to Trax. But she saw them and their vehicles before they could find her, so she fled. She ran, because she didn’t trust them. Trax and Bong live with two children, a seven-year-old boy, his son from another woman and their one-year-old daughter who I adore. During my conversation with Trax in chapter one, she told me that these vans came to her neighborhood on two occasions. And

301 MARLENE AGUILAR that she reported both incidences to the authorities. The same vehicles returned to her home at 3am this morning. Five armed men broke into her home. They took Trax and her husband. I sent this email to Gabriel this morning as soon as I found out Trax’s home was raided. I sent a copy of the same message to Caesar. “At around 3am this morning, men raided my asset’s home. I strongly believe the US government is again involved in this. She already told me if they took her, I should consider her dead. So what are they hoping to gain? Why are they wasting their time? I still don’t know the full story. I don’t know if she’s been abducted. But while in their custody, if she gets a chance to grab a gun, she’d kill herself. If that happens, not even you could make me work with them.” Below is the second email I sent to the devil on earth this morning. Again, I sent a copy of the same to Caesar. “The vehicles that came to my assets home last night were similar to the vehicles the US agents used when they went there before I left for Sri Lanka. These agents came with a man I call Chief Rod. He used to be my asset until the US took him to their camp. They took my asset and her husband. They have a one-year old daughter. Tell your brothers they’re wasting their time. I’m not doing shit. She told me she’d rather die than allow the US to use her. Because the US would only use her to harm me.” She and I already discussed that this might happen, that your evil clan might do this to her. Death would be a gift for her, too; she said that to me many times. So shoot her and her husband and get it over with! Kill them!” I also sent a message to the US government. I wrote: “US NSA tell the brotherhood of Satan’s minions in DC they should just shoot my asset and her husband. Do it now!”

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Here is my communication with Caesar regarding the recent tragedy of Trax; “Interesting chain of events. Are they leading to something?” “Leading to what? They’re deranged. The brotherhood of Satan’s cunts in DC is full of crusty old men who belong to the world of the dead, not the living. This world is fucked because of them. What’s wrong with you? Grunt!” “True. I still believe something is brewing. For things to start culminating like that again, something is happening at some level.” “I really don’t know what they seek to gain out of this. I can’t work with these morons. They are hopeless.” “True. I hope they gain some semblance of intelligence at some point.” “Maybe they want me to kiss their ass. In that case, they have the wrong girl. The President of the Philippines filled that position already.” “Ha ha. If that is what they want, they still haven’t figured you out. Do you get any response out of Gabriel from your comments?” “No. But I believe he is frustrated with them, too. This is a man who cares for me. Although he is one of them, I don’t believe it pleases him to see that the brotherhood in DC has tortured me non- stop for six years. How could it possibly please this group of men to torture one tiny woman?” Like he said, I should fade away. And I would. I’m just dealing with some vital business documents here. Then I’d leave. They can blow up the government in this god-forsaken place and shove the crumbles up their ass for all I care.” My sister Aida is still in the Philippines. She leaves Wednesday to go back to the States. She came here to give lectures on nanotechnology. She gave seminars at the University of the

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Philippines, Ateneo University, University of Santo Thomas, Manila Science High School, and the Mind Museum. When she came into the main hall, she found me sitting at the end of the dining table typing on my laptop. She sat at the head of the table to my left and placed her laptop on the counter. I told her what had happened to Trax and her husband. Here is my conversation with my sister this morning. “My god! When do they stop? It seems they really have no brains.” “Apin Talisayon was the head adviser of former President Ramos on NSA,” I told my sister. “I met him after he read Warriors of Heaven. Eventually, he came to my home for dinner because Alwin Sta. Rosa is our common friend. While he was here, I asked him why the US did to me the terrible things I mentioned in Warriors of Heaven. He said, ‘he believes it’s because the US wants to find a way to handle me.’” “Handle you? Not even Papang could handle you when you were small!” “Remember the US framed Jason for rape while he was with the US Rangers. They framed him for rape so they could control me. Instead, Jason said he’d kill himself. So they let him go. Then they framed him for murder in the Philippines, only so they could control me.” “They threatened men close to me so they would turn their backs on me. They’ve tortured my allies for the past three years. They’ve tortured me for six years. And now they’ve abducted Trax and her husband.” “Why can’t they see you are who you are? I wish they’d talk to me.” “According to Marcus, female presidents of the Philippines blew his dick, literally to please the US. According to an asset of mine, in

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November last year, he saw a CIA agent yell at Abnoy, the current president, in front of one hundred reserve soldiers from the Armed Forces of the Philippines. Apparently, a mere CIA agent treated the current president of the Philippines like shit in front of one hundred Filipino soldiers from the AFP.” “The powers in the US are used to choosing potential leaders of states all over the world. But their chosen leaders are nothing but pieces of shit they can treat like slaves and puppets. I am told they have chosen me as future leader of the Philippines. And for the past six years they have tortured me to subjugate me. I will never be their whore! I’d rather die!” I was so happy this morning because when I checked my Facebook, I saw my cousin and graphic artist Alex Pascual sent me his design for the front cover of Bringer of Death. It shows the face of Medea. When I showed the artwork to Steve, he said, “Wow! That looks very sexy.” I was happy until I found out the brotherhood of Satan’s faggots in DC had Trax and her husband abducted. Anyhow, I used the cover of Bringer of Death as profile picture for my Facebook. Josephine Queipo saw it. She wrote this comment under the link: “Holy shit. Bringer of Death depicted as half beauty/half death with piercing hard coral eyes incongruous with matching soft and sensual coral lips, Medea rises above a sea of doomed souls. This photo could not be more perfect for the title of this book.” Gary Daniels, a dear friend, an actor and former kickboxing champion of the world also commented on the same image. He wrote: “Were you holding your dick in your hand when you took the picture for the book cover? LOL!” I also sent the email I sent Gabriel and Caesar regarding Trax’s

305 MARLENE AGUILAR abduction to Michael Stewart in Ireland. I asked him to light a candle for her. Here is our exchange of communication. “Of course I will light a candle for her. I’m sorry to hear that these cowards have kidnapped her. You’re dead right with your email to Caesar. She is right not to work for them. She is a very brave soul.” “It beggars belief on their actions. They have no honor or loyalty, not now not ever. History has proven this. America was founded on the betrayal of the French who supplied them with arms and men. Then when they won their independence they gave all the trade deals and agreements to the French enemy, the English. See. The US was founded on betrayal. They have no honor. They will always be without honor.” “I’m sorry to hear you are in pain. In gold we trust. That’s what Americans should put on their dollar bills.” “Thank you for writing me. I’m so happy to hear from you. With love, always.” “Don’t thank me Mama. What else is a friend supposed to do? I’m sorry for your troubles. They don’t want you; they can’t control or use you so now they are trying to break you emotionally. Don’t ever give in to them. Never Mama; their day is soon at an end. That empire of blood is crumbling. I’ll always be connected to you Mama, and you’ll always be my mother and I hope I’ll be your son. I love you.” “Your writing is always beautiful to me, filled with light and love. Our souls are entwined forever. Nothing breaks what heaven has forged.” “Maybe we are just alike Mama, have you ever thought that? Have you ever thought that we share the same beliefs and truths? We love nature and its glories.”

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“Let me share a memory I remember from when I was twelve. I went down to the pier at nine in the evening. There was no one there except Lorraine, my friend from school. I remember the wind was so strong, and the sky was so red. And her hair was so dark, it moved in the wind like many branches of a tree. Her eyes just shone when she saw me, I had that effect on people when I was a kid. Maybe I just looked like a young boy should.” “We just swam against the strong waves and just laughed and laughed. There was nothing sexual or romantic between us, just the pure joy of being young. Funny, I had forgotten such a wonderful memory. The smell and the skies at the pier reminded me of it yesterday. And suddenly I was back there to that very day. The memory was so vivid and colorful it made me cry. I don’t really know why it made me feel sad. I just wanted to share that with you. I hope you like it and it reminds you of your own memories of joy and happiness” “This made me cry. Dear god, if only people would feel the way we do. If only people knew that greed stops them from experiencing the pure joy of being alive. You feel and rejoice the pure gifts of life. You feel and rejoice what others would never fathom, because they are lost in the material world of dumb men. Thank you for sharing this with me. This is one of the reasons I love you.” “You know I could never imagine how people could live and raise their families in cities. I was never materialistic even as a child maybe because nature has such great abundant gifts to give us. We just have to listen to it. It’s like the smell in the summer. I adore so much, the smell of hay, the smell of fruits and flowers blossoming, the smell of the river Shannon and the smell of the land after it rains. Truly joyous Mama, money can never buy that ever.”

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“Those who honor the gifts of nature like us are truly blessed. We are the chosen ones.” July 31, 2013 here is my email to Gabriel this morning, which I also sent to Caesar. “You say you don’t know who these men are, these men who have tortured me for the last six years. You are so full of shit. So let me enlighten you. These are the same men who have monitored all I do 24/7 since 2007. These are the same men who had my friends abducted while I wrote Warriors of Heaven. These are the same men who offered Paulie a lot of money so he would betray me. These are the same men who framed my son Jason Ivler for rape while he was with the US Rangers. He was interrogated and detained in a US military base for over two months. My son threatened to go on a killing spree and kill himself after, which is why they let him go. These are the same men who used the government of the Philippines to frame my son for murder he didn’t commit. These are the same men who sent the local SWAT Team to raid my home during the launching of Warriors of Heaven. These are the same men who sent a hundred heavily armed men to my home to hunt my son Jason and me. These are the same men who had my son shot and tortured in front of me in my home. These are the same men who used the government of the Philippines to use the local media to launch a hate campaign against Jason Ivler and me. These are the same men who violated my son’s human rights repeatedly. These are the same men who have threatened and removed men in my life, beloved friends who are close to me. These are the same men who closed the bank account I opened in Switzerland. These are the same men who have abducted, framed and ambushed my allies repeatedly. These are the same men who stripped me off my financial wealth.

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These are the same men who have tried to subjugate me by torturing me. These are the same men who keep my innocent son Jason Ivler in jail. These are the same men who call themselves gods of war. And these are the same men who rule Washington, DC. What have they achieved? I am still who I am. Whereas, you and your brothers will remain to be the brainless grunts you’ve always been. In my eyes, your brothers are nothing but maggots from hell in the guise of US military men.” December 31, 2013, it has taken me longer to write this chapter than it takes me to write a whole book. There have been so many disturbances in my life. There is a brewing revolution going on in the Philippines and the US government with the help their assets have successfully made me the face of that rebellion. I will talk about that later on. I would like to end this chapter by giving you the list of the worst natural calamities that struck the world this year. Laura Sanchez Ubanell from Voxxi News recorded the worst natural disasters in 2013. She wrote: “Typhoon Haiyan-Philippines On November 8th as we can all remember, the Philippines were struck by a massive typhoon, known as Typhoon Yolanda by locals, that killed over 6,000 with 1,800 still missing and unaccounted for. The typhoon’s original death estimates were as high as 10,000 as the storm wreaked devastation upon the lands. It is the deadliest Philippine typhoon on record and is also the strongest storm recorded at landfall. The days after the typhoon left the country in a state of devastation with individuals desperately seeking food, medicine and water. Wildfires-Australia Australia experienced an unprecedented number of wildfires in

309 MARLENE AGUILAR late October as more than 70 wildfires raged across Australia’s most populous state The Blue Mountain region, home to over 75,000 residents. The Blue Mountains is a popular tourist area and was the main focus of concern because of a huge fire in the Lithgow area. The fires burned 25,800 hectares (310,859 acres), an area greater than the size of Los Angeles. Extra fire fighters and emergency crews were brought in for this emergency. According to the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, one death was confirmed when a 63-year-old man died of a suspected heart attack while defending his home against a blaze on the New South Wales Central Coast. Wildfires are common in Australia’s summer months from December to February. But an unusually dry and warm winter with record-high spring temperatures gave way to an early fire season, with promises of a long and tough summer. Balochistan earthquake-Pakistan Pakistan was struck by a 7.7 magnitude earthquake that killed over 800 people and injured hundreds more on September 24th. The earthquake hit hardest north-northeast of Awaran in the province of Balochistan, southwestern Pakistan. On September 28th, another earthquake with a 6.8 magnitude hit Pakistan, killing at least 45 people. According to The National Disaster Management Authority, more than 30,000 families, an estimated 200,000 people, in the Awaran district, 400 miles southwest of the provincial capital of Quetta, have been homeless since the trembler. Floods-Mexico Two major storms, Manuel and Ingrid, hit the country of Mexico within a 24-hour period in September. Manuel was the weaker of the two cyclones, yet it managed to create far more destruction than its counterpart. Ingrid, a

310 MIRROR OF MIND category 2 hurricane, hit eastern areas more accustomed to and therefore prepared for tropical storms and destructive weather. These storms led to massive flooding and landslides that left 55 dead, and over 750,000 cut off from aid and stranded in the Pacific resort town of Acapulco, as well as nearby isolated mountain communities. Access routes were blocked by the severe weather, preventing emergency support to the area.

Floods-India Mexico isn’t the only country that floods have severely affected. In June, a multi-day cloudburst hit the North Indian state of Uttarakhand, causing landslides and floods that resulted in more than 5,700 people missing. These people are presumed dead, according to the Uttarakhand government. Other parts of India were affected but roughly 95% of the casualties occurred in Uttarakhand. This was the country’s worst natural disaster since a tsunami in 2004. Army and paramilitary soldiers and volunteers rescued more than 100,000 people who were stranded in remote areas cut off by washed-out roads and landslides. The Indian government originally estimated the death toll at 600 but repeatedly stressed that it would be significantly higher. According to Vijay Bahuguna, the chief minister of the state of Uttarakhand, the exact number of people who died may never be known.

Tornado-Oklahoma A tornado struck Moore, Oklahoma on the afternoon of May 20th, killing 24 people and injuring almost 400 others. The tornado flattened entire neighborhoods and destroyed an elementary school with a direct blow. An estimated 1,150 homes were destroyed, and

311 MARLENE AGUILAR an estimated $2 billion in damages was caused. This specific tornado was part of a larger weather system that had caused various other tornadoes over the past two days. The tornado touched down west of Newcastle with peak winds reaching up to 210 miles per hour. It stayed on the ground for 40 minutes over a 17-mile path.

Lushan/Sichuan earthquake- China On April 20th, a 7.0 earthquake struck Lushan County, Ya’an, Sichuan, roughly in the same province that was heavily affected by the 2008 Sichuan earthquake. The earthquake resulted in 196 dead, 24 missing and at least 11,826 injured with more than 968 seriously injured. Many old buildings in Lushan collapsed and several townships suffered major damage. About 8,000 soldiers from the People’s Liberation Army, 1,400 provincial rescue workers, 120 support vehicles, 180 doctors from a Chinese emergency response team and search-and-rescue dogs were sent into the stricken area after the destruction, with volunteers mobilized from other parts of the country.

Meteor-Russia A meteor known as the Chelyabinsk meteor entered Earth’s atmosphere over Russia on February 15th at a speed almost 60 times the speed of sound. The light from the meteor was brighter than the sun and eyewitnesses report that they felt intense heat from the meteor. When the object exploded over Chelyabinsk Oblast, many smaller meteorites were produced as well as a powerful shock wave, which damaged 7,200 buildings in six different cities.

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The object had been undetected until it entered the atmosphere so when the explosion went off, it caused a panic among locals, resulting in roughly 1,500 people injured. Most if not all the injuries were indirectly related to the meteor such as injury from glass exploding from the shockwave. Repairs were made more difficult by Russia’s sub-zero temperatures.”

As of today, death toll in the Philippines has reached over 6,000 due to typhoon Haiyan and over a thousand are recorded missing. The Sumerian Epic of Gilgamesh is proven to be the oldest story in written history. Clay tablets recording its history date back between 2150 and 2000 BC. Considering that written information goes back only around four thousand years, what do you really know about the earth? Think about it. The earth is almost four and a half billion years old, yet written information available to us only dates back some four thousand years. That information is like a drop of water in the ocean compared to the grand scheme of things. The earth, the planets, the moon, and the sun have their own life spans, although theirs are a lot longer than ours. But when their time is up, they too will die. Then a new universe will rise. In their lifespan, the earth, the planets, the moon, and the sun become hosts for countless of lives. In that case, we are like them. Human bodies too are hosts for uncountable kinds of lives. Ninety percent of the cells within us are microbes. Scientific research on microbiome declares that the human body is host to over one hundred trillion bacteria. Therefore, your body is its own planet. They say life expectancy for males these days is around seventy years and for females it is seventy-seven years. Compare that to the life cycle of a mayfly, which lives only for one day. Still, like the earth, the planets, the moon, and the sun, and you, that mayfly is

313 MARLENE AGUILAR also host to many lives during its very brief lifetime. And its life, no matter how short, is connected to yours and mine, and the great grand scheme of things, here and beyond. The galaxies are filled with countless life forms; from the smallest particles we do not see with our naked eye to the planet Jupiter, which measures 143,000 kilometers across its equator. Each life form serves as a planet for a myriad of smaller life forms. Each of these lives no matter how miniscule is part of the evolution of everything that is, here and beyond. Each of these lives no matter how minuscule will go through a process of birth and rebirth, a process of life and death, just like the earth, the planets, the moon and the sun. Moreover, each of these lives no matter how miniscule will go through a process of birth and rebirth, a process of life and death, just like you and me. There were other civilizations of humans on earth long before we came. They vanished like smoke because like us, they made grave mistakes. Unfortunately, today mankind fails to understand that its survival is directly linked to the earth’s life. Mankind is guilty of endless crimes against the very host that gives it life, the planet earth. If you think the earth could not ultimately destroy mankind, you are gravely mistaken. Like Atlantis and like other civilizations that have come and gone mankind as we know it today will perish, too. That is, if we fail to protect the earth. So why do you think the dinosaurs became extinct some 60 million years ago? It’s not only these massive creatures that perished during this time, marine life suffered worse. Large groups of organisms in the ocean perished as well. Terrestrial plants were also devastated, except for the fern. This is probably why my spirit has always been so fascinated with ferns. They are my favorite plants. I wonder why ferns survived the wrath of the earth and the cosmic universe. I

314 MIRROR OF MIND believe these plants bear spiritual gifts other species do not possess, which is why the planet favors them. Scientists from various fields, including ecology, paleontology, astrophysics, astronomy, geology, geochemistry, and so on have tried to explain this extinction, but to this day, no one really knows why the dinosaurs vanished from this planet. There are several mass extinctions that occurred during the earth’s existence. The largest and most destructive cataclysm struck during the Paleozoic and Mesozoic eras wherein almost all life on earth was wiped out. This is the darkest of days in the times gone by when ninety percent of all living species on earth were exterminated. So why did all these biblical catastrophes occur? As I said, the earth is our host. Ultimately, she decides who lives or dies. Could humans become extinct? Absolutely. I believe humans could become extinct in no time at all, if Gaea and the universe will it. Laura Sanchez Ubanell listed down nine natural catastrophes. Eight of them occurred after April 16, 2013, and through to November 8, 2013. Nine of the worst disasters happened in 2013, eight of them happened after I cast my spell. Eight and nine are very auspicious numbers in Buddhism and for me as well. The number nine is the opposite of six, the symbol of the devil, the symbol of evil. Therefore nine is good. It also represents the eight sides of the hexagon and its center. It represents all sides of the earth plus the core. When the oracles say to me, “You are protected on all fronts by great unseen forces. The oracles see me in the center of the world. Thus, “all fronts” mean the eight sides of the hexagon enclosing the earth plus the center. Eight symbolizes infinity. And the two circles on its image represent heaven and earth. The narrative Laura Sanchez Ubanell wrote, about the vilest

315 MARLENE AGUILAR natural disasters this year carries a message from the galaxies. It means mankind is being besieged on all fronts by all the forces of heaven and earth. Therefore, there will be greater calamities to come, natural cataclysms never seen before by man. Furthermore, the wars created by the Illuminati will go on and on and on. The face of the earth will be covered by the death of humans. It is inevitable. The goddess of karma demands equilibrium. I feel the sadness in your heart because of what you just read. I hear you sigh silently in your mind while your thoughts wander into the dark and distant future. I feel your heart beat with remorse and regret for the inevitable fate of man. Don’t be so heart broken, dear child of mine. This is all part of the evolution of the earth and mankind. We will all grow from this pain.

316 Chapter 5

Kill the Government

I will remind you again that there are details about my life I can’t claim as non-fiction. The events that happened after the raid in my home are so convoluted and complicated. If I told you the most interesting part of the stories, they would just confuse you further. At this point, Trax is so confused she doesn’t remember how many times she’s been abducted, shot at and set up. These trials confused my son Jason as well. And he doesn’t know half the story. Below are exchange of text messages between Chief Rod and I. I decided it was best to present it in this manner so you would have a better perspective of my bizarre life. On second thoughts, I wonder if the exchange below will just fuel your confusion regarding my uncanny existence in this matrix. To the best of my knowledge, the Chief has been in the custody of the CIA since February 2012. However, I believe he has been working for them as an asset since way before that. June 5, 2013 “Ma’am tell Trax to be careful. She might disappear.” “What the fuck would they gain from harming Trax? Whoever proposed that will eat my curse! If they take Trax, they can own her.

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She told me if they took her, I should consider her dead. And I will.” “Just like the Japanese, the man I knew is dead. They took him away from me just like you. You are their puppets now. The same would happen to Trax if they took her. That’s black karma opposing all of them.” After this, I called my female asset on the phone to tell her what the chief had said. Later, I sent him a text message. “Chief, I spoke to Trax. I told her the CIA plan to abduct her again. She says she’s at home. You know where she is so just take her now and kill her.” “Ma’am you know how much I value Trax. I couldn’t do that to her.” “You wouldn’t do that to her, but the US would.” June 6, 2013 “Ma’am I’ve been put in charge to ensure Ivler’s freedom.” “It’s the CIA that put Ivler in jail. Then it’s their responsibility to get him out. The only reason he’s still in jail is because those animals keep him there.” June 7, 2013 “Ma’am they implore you to stop your black spells against them. They beseech you to stop fighting with them. They want peace. They say they will honor your terms and conditions.” “Chief, you know I’m a very just and fair person. I’d never abandon my allies and I’d do anything to protect them. I’d never turn my back on them. But these animals are unjust and evil. That’s because their superiors in DC are nothing but bald and crusty diseased old men!” “Tell them, I don’t have to cast voodoo against them, not at all. They do it to themselves every time they wrong me.” “I know what a loving person you are. Your love is genuine and

318 MIRROR OF MIND you’re so giving. We’re just taking care of some problems. All will be ok.” “I was born in this realm to change the history of the world. No man will change the will of heaven. Here’s my message to the brotherhood in DC.” “Brotherhood of brainless apes, in the fullness of time, you will understand that no mortal can change my destiny.” After his conversation, I sent a message to the US NSA. I wrote: “NSA, tell the brotherhood, I don’t have to cast black spells on any of them or any of you. You do it to yourselves every time you hurt me. It’s the law of the cosmic world. Sadly, this is wisdom you could never fathom.” June 8, 2013 “Good morning Ma’am. I can’t believe I ended here. Sometimes I get so confused. I wish you’d all kill me.” “Why? What have they done now? I’ve done you no wrong.” “There are times I wish I could kill myself. They treat me like a slave, like a robot.” “Of course they do. Your handler’s boss treats him like a robot too. Why do you think these people work for the US government? They’re all robots.” “To survive these animals, you have to stop thinking that you’re working with men. These American Intel agents are nothing but drones posing as humans.” “These people don’t know how to give freedom. How could they? They don’t know what freedom is. They don’t have it to give. Don’t feel so bad. They treat the president of the Philippines like a robot too.” “The US exists to create wars, not peace. This is the nature of the powerful men who reign in DC. They have limited minds but

319 MARLENE AGUILAR they’re armed with plenty of muscle power. They are lost souls.” “Despite that when war breaks between US and China, the US has my loyalty. Choosing between these two forces is like choosing between the lesser of two evils. For me, compared with China, the US is the lesser evil.” “You know Ma’am, I may be with them. But believe me or not, I am your man. If I could open my chest, you will see you’re in my heart.” “I believe you. Chief, I’ve given them all I can give. Still, they continue to terrorize me.” “I’ve given them my terms. I told them if that is not enough they should come and kill me.” “That’s never going to happen. They can’t kill you. You will kill them all.” June 8, 2013 “Trax, I’ll never forget her.” “She defied all for you.” “And for you also. I know they tortured her and got so close to killing her. Still, she kept her silence and wouldn’t give you away.” “I know when you’re in position, you will take care of her.” “I don’t need position in government to take care of her. I’ve been taking care of her. I give her what I have.” “All those who cause my allies and me pain, all those who caused pain to those I love, will suffer my endless wrath. It is called karma of the blood. I curse them and their entire bloodline to suffer until the very end of time.” “Thank you because I’m one of your allies.” “I never sought any position of power. I’d prefer a simple and quiet life.” “But we all know the Philippines will only be right with you.”

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“‘All those who stand in my way will perish because heaven will pluck them out of my way. ‘I am the true daughter of heaven on earth. And no man shall stop my destiny.’ These are words of Buddhist oracles.” “That’s why so many have suffered heart attacks.” “Ma’am TGO is dead. I’m the only one left alive from the Philippine government.” “That’s bullshit. TGO lives. Your handler lied to you again, fucking scum!” “Then that’s his problem. He’s stupid.” “Maybe I’ll get the videos from CCTV’s and expose TGO on TV and on YouTube. I’ll say he’s an asset for the CIA posing as a Philippine government official. I’ll make him famous.” “No Ma’am. Please, I beg you. Let me finish my work. When all is done, I’d like to come and meet Jason. May I?” “I wonder why the US gods didn’t choose the mindless president’s sister Kris Aquino as future leader of the Philippines. I believe she’d be more than happy to suck their dicks. Hell, my gay friends say she’d be more than happy to suck the dick of the entire US armed forces. She’d do anything to get the spot. Marcus told me that the past female presidents of the Philippines literally sucked his dick to become leaders of this god-forsaken land. He also told me that Senator Loren Legarda, the woman who ran for vice-president sucked his dick as well, hoping that in doing so she’d get elected. These are normally the kinds of maggots the US chooses to rule. They’re nothing but scum. They’d sell their flesh, blood and soul in the name of greed and power.” “Why the fuck did they mark me? I have absolutely no respect for them. I spit on them! I hate them!” “Ma’am, they greatly fear you.”

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“Your handler definitely should fear me because he wronged me repeatedly. When the time is ripe, I will kill him and his entire bloodline.” While texting Chief Rod, I sent a message to the US NSA. I wrote: “US NSA, how does it feel for you? Your evil masters have tortured me and those I love for six years and you helped them. You have wronged me.” June 9, 2013 “Good morning Ma’am. How are you and Trax?” “Good morning Chief.” “Ma’am, they say you don’t trust them anymore.” “OMG! Your handler is such a fucking retard! How the fuck could I ever trust them? They’ve tortured those I love for six years! They’ve tortured me for six years. They’ve violated me for six years! I curse him to kingdom come, that piece of shit!” “They fucked me time and time again. Of course I don’t trust them. Tell your handler; he’s nothing but a fucking brainless inconsequential grunt! Tell him his mother is a whore. Fucking fag!” “Why the fuck should I trust them? They are vile, mindless, lying, double-dealing pieces of shit. Tell him to go take a nap so I can kill him in his sleep!” “Tell your handler his career is a dead-end fucking street! And call Trax after.” “Ma’am, I will call Trax later, I’m just in a meeting now. I wish you’d save me from them. I’m in such pain.” “Give them this message:” “I CURSE ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE US GOVERNMENT WHO ARE INSTRUMENTAL IN CAUSING ME HARM. I CAST UPON YOU AND ALL THOSE YOU LOVE THE VOODOO OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION.

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I CAST UPON YOU MY BLACK SPELL, BLACKNESS SO GREAT AND INFINITE IT OWNS THE LIGHT OF THE SUN. I CURSE YOU ALL AND THOSE YOU LOVE. YOU WILL SUFFER KARMA OF THE SOUL. EAT MY ENDLESS WRATH THAT WILL AFFLICT YOU UNTIL THE VERY END OF TIME.” “Let them read that. I will never reverse my curse.” June 10, 2013 “Good morning Ma’am.” “Good morning, Chief. Tell them not to expect my full cooperation until they deliver their end of the bargain. And I don’t want Trax going with you anywhere. If you have business to do, there are plenty of scum lying around the US embassy that could escort you. ” “I am no longer hoping those assholes will do right by me. In the meantime, they can eat my curse!” “They are eating it. You’re right, Ma’am. They want me to take care of some things to make it right by you.” “Has your handler been affected by my voodoo?” “Yes, that’s why he can’t walk. But he lives.” June 11, 2013 “Good morning, Ma’am. Don’t worry we’re almost done. They will make it up to you, including me. They will pay what they owe. It’s just so hard to explain.” “Ma’am Trax knows the Japanese. They came close to killing him.” “What did they do to the Japanese? I will kill those bastards!” “They told me my life and death are in your hands?” “Why? Aren’t their lives and deaths in my hands?” “Yes, they all know that.” “Maybe I’ll go to immigration jail and beat the shit out of the warden who sold the Japanese to the US.” “Don’t Ma’am. I beg you to let me do my work. And when we’re

323 MARLENE AGUILAR done we can take care of that. You won’t have to do anything but give orders.” “There was an earthquake felt at the US Embassy grounds last night.” “That’s because my spirit went under the earth and there I shook the foundations of the buildings at the US Embassy.” “They will take the family of Trax, leaving only her behind.” “I will lend the Japanese your mobile number so he can text you. They took his phone away and kept him detained since you told him to consider you dead. And that you would do the same for him.” “You’re a living goddess people worship but even you lose your patience with them. How about us who are their slaves?” “Why won’t they face me in person?” “It’s what you always say. They’re cowards. They fear you and that includes me.” “Give them another earthquake.” “I will do nothing. All is done.” I stopped texting the Chief after this. Later on that evening and while lying in bed, I closed my eyes and went into deep trance. This time, I placed another black spell on the US Embassy grounds cursing all those who harm me, including those they hold dear to their hearts. But this time, I placed the spell of fire upon them. I traveled to the void and there I took a great ball of fire from hell and thrust it upon the domain of the US Embassy in Manila. In my vision, I saw the place besieged by raging flames. There was fire everywhere, fire that came from the void, fire with no beginning and no end. I saw every inch of land in the damned place engulfed by fire. I saw every inch of every room in every building plagued by fire. And I saw every person working there weighed down by fire. Later, when I came back to this reality, I sent a message to the US

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NSA. All it said was, “Fire.” I did this ritual from ten to eleven in the evening on June 11, 2013. That’s the opposite in Colorado. That would be ten to eleven in the morning there. After my ritual of death, the Black Forest Fire began in Colorado in the afternoon. By June 18, 2013 the blaze had destroyed over five homes and killed two people. It is the most destructive fire in the history of Colorado, which burned some 22 square miles. My conversation with Chief Rod continues. June 12, 2013 “Ma’am, water subsided from Roxas Boulevard facing the embassy. And now there’s all this smoke on the road. It’s intense.” “Smoke comes from fire and heat. I gave them the hex of fire last night. I summoned the volcanoes under the earth to eat them up!” “The Japanese can’t text you. He’s waiting for the right time to do it behind their backs. They’re having a big fight now. He’s fighting back and he’s making a lot of noise. I don’t know what drugs he’s on this time. He’s giving them hell. He’s crazy. I can see his handler is pleading with him. I don’t know what’s going on.” “I don’t pity the Japanese. I pity your handler. And I pity his family even more.” “I’m glad I no longer have a house.” “Someday we will all live in a palace.” “I’d prefer living in a humble hut with love. What’s the worth of a palace void of love? That’s where we are.” June 15, 2013, here is text message from the Chief, which he sent to Trax and later forwarded to me. “Trax, you should be happy despite all the trials you faced, because those ordeals made you stronger. You’re not going to be tested anymore because of how Ma’am fought back. They’ve surrendered.”

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Later on the same day, the Japanese sent me this message. “Soon we are free because you did everything. You showed them your powers.” What happened was because the handler couldn’t control the Japanese; I offered to take him under my custody. The Yakuza thought they’d let him go, but he was wrong. We were both wrong. June 17, 2013 “Chief, why did the Americans not allow the Japanese to come stay with me?” “Because they thought they could control him.” “They should just let him stay with me. He’s not going to leave me anyway.” “They’re not as impressed with the Japanese as much as they’re impressed with Trax.” “Of course not, an excellent female warrior is better than her male counterpart.” “They admire Trax. They’ve taken her six times. Still they got absolutely nothing from her. She’d protect your identity with her life. She’d protect you to the death.” Here ends my conversation with Chief Rodriguez. As of today, June 19, 2013, the Black Forest wildfire in Colorado is still on going. It’s my birthday today. I was born on the same day the national hero of the Philippines Jose Rizal was born. My father was going to name me Rizalina. Thank all the heavens he didn’t. Here is my recent email to Gabriel: “How are the old cunts in Washington DC who have tortured me for six years? Anyone have a heart attack lately? If so, tell him no doctor could cure him. He’s good as dead. Tell him not to worry. My boyfriend Satan awaits him in hell. My Devil will make sure he suffers the wrath of all that is black from here to eternity.”

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“I curse your brothers to eternal damnation because of the pain they bestowed upon those I love and me. And eternal damnation they will endure in their lives beyond!”’ Talking about the devil on earth, I posted this question as headline on my Facebook wall addressed to Kuma Mori. I wrote: “Kuma Mori, you’ve read all my five non-fiction books. I have a question. Do you prefer Caesar or Gabriel?” Below are the comments of my Facebook friends who have read Warriors of Heaven. Their names appear before their statements, and my comments to their opinions are in Italics. Kuma Mori – “I am more fascinated with Gabriel. I love the way he has mastered the darkest side of his multiple personalities. His complex character is a complete challenge to my weak character. He thinks incredibly fast and has the ability to adjust to any given situation. He is an eminent warrior.” “Jason Ivler prefers Gabriel, too. Gabriel is the unknown. The unknown is tempting and therefore more compelling. But Paulie Caoili has met Ceaser in person. He chooses him” Rebecca Padilla – “GABBYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! ” Aimee Rivadillo – “I love them both equally.” “You have to choose one. Make up your mind.” Rebecca Padilla – “If you still question the meaning of blind faith, let me spell it for you. Listen, GABRIEL!!!!!!” I replied to Rebecca and said, “I will send the bald bastard this thread so he can read your post. I mean I will send Gabriel this link. I hate the fag!” Kuma Mori – “Honestly, my knees shake when I imagine Gabriel.” Paulie Caoili – “Caesaaarrrrr !!!!! He has a subtle compelling grace around him. His smile is as radiant as a thousand suns. I live and deal with darkness everyday. Caesar is a ray of light that cuts

327 MARLENE AGUILAR through the abyss of darkness. He is refreshing and exhilarating. I don’t expect any of you to take my word for it. You seemly have to experience it in real time and first hand!!!” Aimee Rivadillo – “See that’s why I can’t choose between the two of them. I love them both.” Rebecca Padilla – “She Dragon is at her best when she’s fighting with Papa Gabby.” “True, the bastard does bring out the worst in me.” Paulie Caoili – “Gabriel brings out the worst in you while Caesar brings out the best in you. Gabriel gives you stress!!!!” You should know by now, I am sapiosexual. I find intellect the most attractive characteristic in humans. Unfortunately, I believe most men are the opposite. Like Donald Trump, stupidity in women attracts them. I am also a nyctophilia. I love the stillness of utter darkness when I lay in bed before I sleep. Before I go on with my story, let me tell you about a man I met recently through a terrible incident. The following narrative should explain the circumstances surrounding my meeting this particular soul in this matrix. His name is Patrick Schaub, the current general manager of Shangri-la Hotel along Edsa. He was born in Switzerland. Below are a series of emails I sent to him. “July 1, 2013 OPEN LETTER RE – Ugly experience at Shangri la Hotel Edsa Mr. Patrick Schaub GENERAL MANAGER Shangri la Hotel Edsa Philippines Dear Mr. Schaub,

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I wrote you an email last night after an ugly experience I had at your hotel. I am revising my letter this morning. I am also sending your office the hard copy of this article along with copies for your resident manager Laurent Bourgeois, your head of security Edwin de los Santos, your duty manager Maria Angeli Luna and the manager of Summer Palace restaurant, Nancy Fam, My name is Marlene Aguilar. I became the general manager of The Bedford Suites when I was 27 years old. It was the first all suite hotel in the vicinity of New York City, which catered to the top executives of Fortune 500 companies. Therefore, I know how to run a hotel. In the last 16 years, I have published and written coffee table books promoting Philippine art and culture. I have garnered awards both here and abroad, including an endorsement from the United Nations. I have also written Warriors of Heaven, a non-fiction book, which I launched at the Cultural Center of the Philippines in 2009. This novel exposes the ugly relationship between the US and Philippine governments. While writing this book, I was heavily monitored and bullied by both RP and US governments due to its controversial contents. Warriors of Heaven has been required reading in local universities in 3 subjects, namely Political Science, Philosophy and Popular Literature. It has also gotten excellent reviews both here and abroad. Both Belgian Ambassador Greg Vardakis and Wes Penre of Illuminati News said, “The book is amazing.” The first lady of Micronesia told the president Manny Mori that “She loves the book and he should read it.” I have travelled to five continents and 37 countries. Because of this, I learned to dislike hotels, because the last thing I want is to be processed like sheep. In addition, I really do not appreciate false

329 MARLENE AGUILAR pleasantries, something that is difficult to avoid in hotels such as yours. My husband worked with international companies as an economist. He worked with institutions such as the World Bank and the Asian Development Bank for over 30 years. Last year, he was commissioned to work for Queen Elizabeth’s Government, which brought him to Turks and Caicos for six months. Through his contacts with his peers, we have had access to boutique accommodations, away from standard hotel chains like the Marriott and the Shangri la. In the Philippines, we come to your hotel only because of your restaurants, nothing more. We are members of your Gourmet Club. We are also members of the same in Makati and the Hyatt Hotel in Manila. We are not easy to feed and we do not find it pleasant to dine in restaurants inside malls or in crowded places like Greenbelt, Makati. We normally eat in your establishments at around 6:30pm. At this time of the evening, your restaurants are not busy offering a peaceful atmosphere. On the 15th of June, my husband and my ten-year old daughter Maya had a very pleasant dinner at Senju. After that, we came down to your lobby. Suddenly, I noticed there was a grand piano there. I also noticed that a male child who was around seven years old was fiddling with the musical instrument creating disturbing sound, making a menace of his presence in your lobby for your patrons and guests to endure. I grew up with great musicians and good food. So, if you want to bring out the worst in me, give me bad food or bad music. The horrible sound the boy mustered irritated me. Plus, I do not believe it is proper for your hotel to put a grand piano in the lobby for children to assault. That is wrong. So, I called your hotel. I spoke

330 MIRROR OF MIND to the duty manager that evening. I explained to him what had occurred and told him, “If Shangri la Hotel Edsa couldn’t afford a decent musician to play the piano, then by all means remove the instrument from the lobby.” The man I spoke with apologized immediately after I told him about the incident. As soon as he apologized, I calmed down. Why? I realized I was talking to a competent person who was concerned. That male duty manager said, he would report my worry to the rest of the management. He took my number and told me that someone would call me the following day. The next morning at around 9am, a woman from your hotel did call me. She told me that a cordon had been placed by the piano to prevent guests from playing it. She also said the security had been notified that guests are not allowed to play It and that they should approach and reprimand those who do. I thanked this woman for calling me and advising me. I had dinner at Paparazzi last Saturday with my husband and my sister who is visiting from Arkansas. She is a scientist who is here to give lectures on nanotechnology in UP Diliman, UST and Ateneo. As always, we enjoyed our meal. When we came down to the lobby after dinner, I was pleased to see the cordon by the piano. Last night, I had dinner at Summer Palace, with my sister and my husband. Once more, we enjoyed the food and the service, as well. When I came down the lobby, I saw the barrier to the piano was gone. After being advised by your management they would barricade the musical instrument, I was annoyed that they did not keep their word. I also noticed the lobby was adorned with the same catatonic security men as always. So I approached the piano, and slammed my right hand against the keyboard. No one from your security came to me to speak to me regarding my improper behavior. Then,

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I walked out the door and stepped inside my vehicle with my sister and my husband. While in my car, I called your hotel to complain about my experience. I spoke to your duty manager, Maria Angeli Luna. I was not sure last night if I spelled her name correctly since the head of your security, Edwin de los Santos, refused to spell her name for me. Anyway, I told your duty manager about the very unfortunate event concerning the grand piano. Unlike the male duty manager I spoke to before, she didn’t want to offer any words of comfort. I felt, she just wanted to get rid of me. Her behavior annoyed me further. I asked her, “Why did you put a grand piano in the lobby?” She said, “I will have a meeting with my superiors and find out.” I stated, “No. Answer my question now. Why did you put a grand piano in the lobby?” She hung up the phone on me. That was around 8pm. In the hotel business the ability to apologize to an unhappy client is very crucial. Any person that is incapable of such gracious behavior has no place in a hotel that offers public service. Instead of offering a solution to my concern, the duty manager hung up the phone. I called the hotel 12 times after that. Six of those times, I was disconnected. Did your operators hang up on me, too? I spoke to one of your operators named Ann Cruz three times telling her to connect me to Maria Angeli Luna. Ann told me she was busy. I strongly believe your duty manager was not busy. She just refused to speak to me. I am not going to disappear Mr. Schaub. Believe me when I tell you it will not be easy to make me go away. Actually, I am including this entire narrative in the non-fiction book I’m writing now, which is the series to Warriors of Heaven. Anyway, after dropping my husband and sister off at home, I asked my driver to go back to Shangri la hotel Edsa. At 8:37pm, I was back in your lobby. I spoke to the bell service and asked to

332 MIRROR OF MIND speak to the night manager. I did this hoping to find someone in your management who is not as incapable as Maria Angeli Luna. I was informed that your manager was unavailable. Next thing I know, the head of your security Edwin de los Santos approached me. He had two other male security guards with him, including a woman. All in all, there were four members of your security besieging me. Instead of seeing me, Maria Angeli Luna sent four of your security personnel, including the head security to intimidate me. I told Edwin de los Santos I wanted to speak to the duty manager. He said, “She’s busy.” I told him I’ve tried to call her 12 times in the last 37 minutes, but she refused to take my call. I also told him. I didn’t believe she was busy. And that I believed she refused to speak with me. I urged him to let me see Maria Angeli Luna. He went to her office two or three times. But he came out each time, saying she’s still busy. That was about half an hour of waiting to speak to your duty manager surrounded by four of your security guards whose only presence around me was to scare me. Feeling that my efforts to speak to Maria Angeli Luna was futile, I went upstairs to Summer Palace to speak to the manager there, Ms. Nancy Fam. I was followed by three of your male security, including Edwin de los Santos. Ms. Nancy and I sat at a table by the door of Summer Palace restaurant. I told her my predicament. I asked her why your duty manager refused to talk to me. She said, “She’s young and she can’t handle the pressure.” I said, “If she can’t handle a complaining client, then she shouldn’t be working in a hotel.” She also said, “I am so sorry about this. You are actually doing the hotel a favor by addressing our flaws so we could improve our services. But some of the people in management are incompetent.” I spoke to Ms. Nancy for almost an hour. During this time, one of

333 MARLENE AGUILAR the male security guards continued to harass me and stood in close proximity to us. Is it really necessary for your security to harass your paying clients in this manner? Or is this really how you run a five-star hotel in a third world country? Ms. Nancy did for me what I would have done if I were in her stead. I couldn’t have asked more from her. She promised me that she would discuss my concern with the hotel management the following morning. I left your hotel at exactly 9:57pm. I was there for an hour and 20 minutes waiting to speak to Maria Angeli Luna. For almost two hours I tried to talk to her, but to no avail. “I would like to ask security to speak to the duty manager before I go,” I told Ms. Nancy before I went back home. This was when we stood outside your hotel entrance. She was kind enough to walk me to my car. “She’s not going to speak to you,” she answered. “She’s afraid.” We come to your restaurants Paparazzi, Summer Palace and Senju almost every weekend. I have never complained about anything. This is the first time. And I do not understand why your duty manager would refuse to speak with me. Why is this woman employed in your hotel as manager if she cannot address a grieving client? When I returned to the hotel, why did Maria Angeli Luna send your security force to intimidate me? Is this standard procedure in your hotel between the security staff and your Filipino management? Is there a special and secret arrangement between the Filipino management and Edwin de los Santos to get rid of disgruntled clients by frightening them with your security force in numbers? I also do not understand why your head of security Edwin de los Santos refused to spell the name of Maria Angeli Luna to me. I had to call your concierge this morning to get her full name

334 MIRROR OF MIND spelled correctly. In addition I do not understand why your security personnel harassed me. Does Maria Angeli Luna think she could get rid of me by sending Edwin de los Santos and his men to bully me? I believe most of your guests would have walked away from your bullying security force last night. However, it is not in my nature to run from terrorizing men. In the past, I have written three open letters such as this. One was against the British Ambassador and his embassy’s ill treatment of Filipino women. He was removed from his office when my article came out in Philippine Star and Manila Standard. The other one was an article attacking the Asian Development Bank for their bad treatment of the poor. At the time I wrote the editorial, ADB headquarters had been in the Philippines for 35 years. The bank’s external affairs said my article was the worst criticism they have ever received in the press in all those years. The most recent one is an open letter addressed to Obama, the US Senate, the US Congress and Ban Ki Moon, the secretary general of the UN. That fight is still going on. I have never lost a battle in my life Mr. Schaub. And I don’t intend to lose that fight or this one for that matter. I am writing to you, hoping you would address this issue. Furthermore, I beseech you to address this issue. Mr, Schaub this god-forsaken country is diseased because the government is infested with vultures from the very top to the very bottom of its hierarchies. Is Shangri la hotel Edsa contaminated with the same sickness? Shangri-la is supposed to be a five-star hotel. But you might as well be running a brothel with the likes of Maria Angeli Luna and Edwin de los Santos running your enterprise. I would like to ask to speak to you in person. If that is not possible or if you may find it necessary to find excuses not to see me in real time, then may I request a meeting with your resident

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manager Laurent Bourgeois? I would like to see him in the presence of your duty manager Maria Angeli Luna and your head of security, Edwin de los Santos. I have questions I want answered and recorded as soon as possible. Thank you so much for reading my letter. I would very much appreciate your prompt reply. Sincerely, Marlene Aguilar”

I sent the above email around ten in the evening. Patrick Schaub read it on the following day. On the 3rd of July, I received a call from his office. We spoke on the phone. His voice told me he had a gentle soul. We agreed to meet at the lobby of Shangri-la hotel that afternoon. After our conversation, I sent him another email. I wrote: “July 3, 2013 Dear Patrick, I look forward to seeing you this afternoon regarding the incident involving your employees, Maria Angeli Luna and Edwin de los Santos. In the meantime, will you please speak to Ms. Luna and ask her to answer the following questions for me. From my perspective, Maria Angeli luna, the duty manager of Shangri la Hotel, Edsa is guilty of four offenses. They are the following: OFFENSE NUMBER 1 – When I asked her a simple question on the phone, she hung up on me. Why? My question was simple. I asked, “Why did you put a grand piano in the lobby?” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to answer the question. So please ask her, why did she hang up the phone on me? OFFENSE NUMBER 2 – I called her 12 times in 37 minutes after she hung up the phone. Why did she refuse to talk to me? Ask her why?

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OFFENSE NUMBER 3 – When I arrived at the Shangri la Hotel lobby looking for her, why did she send four of your security staff including your head of security Edwin de los Santos to intimidate me? If she is incapable of handling simple problems such as facing a disgruntled regular patron of your hotel, why does she think she can continue to work for you as part of your management? Please have her answer these questions. OFFENSE NUMBER 4 – After waiting in the hotel to speak to her for an hour and 20 minutes, why did she not see me? In my opinion, Maria Angeli Luna is utterly incapable of handling the job as part of your management team. If her behavior represents you’re the quality of Shangri la Hotel management, then you should bring your rating down from five to three stars. With Ms. Luna as one of your managers, you should cease calling Edsa Shangri-La Hotel a five-star hotel. In my opinion, Maria Angeli Luna does not at all belong as staff of any five-star operation. But I sincerely believe she would be perfect cleaning the toilets for Mc Donalds. Regarding your head of security, Edwin de los Santos, please ask him to answer these questions for me. I want to understand his vile actions against me. QUESTION NUMBER 1 – Considering I’m a member of your gourmet club, considering I’ve been dining in your restaurants practically every week for almost two years, why did he find it necessary to harass me by surrounding me with four members of your security including himself, when all I asked was to see Maria Angeli Luna? QUESTION NUMBER 2 – Is Edwin de los Santos as brainless as Maria Angeli Luna to believe for one moment that harassing me in your hotel lobby is proper behavior for a regular patron like me

337 MARLENE AGUILAR who wants to see your duty manager and file a complaint in person? QUESTION NUMBER 3 – Did Edwin de los Santos think for one moment he could make me walk away by harassing me? Please ask him to answer these questions. I beseech you to ask Ms. Luna and Mr. de los Santos to answer these questions for me. It would please me to have their replies when I meet you this afternoon. Thank you again for reading my letter. Sincerely, Marlene Aguilar”

Meanwhile, I posted my first letter to Patrick Schaub on my Facebook wall. Here are comments I received. Their statements are preceded by their names. Bensi Rosales – “Feisty!” Paul Caoili – “Ha ha! Maybe they want to taste some powers!!! Shangri-la la will lose its five stars! I was supposed to go on a date at Paparazzi. Fucking grand piano!” Gene B. Ulag – “Boom!” Jon Dayron – “Bam bam! Kaboom! That person won’t learn until she meets her match. Know your place when talking to a customer because customer is always right.” Lei Cleofas – “Maybe Maria Angeli died pissing in her skirt.” Johnny Danganan – “So feisty! You’re relly my idol.” Maria Rachelle Manzano – That is so wrong. How can the manager of a hotel refuse to communicate with an unhappy client? Kuma Mori – Tsk! I’m sharing this on my wall to alert my friends and family, and other people as well. After reading this post, I am totally shocked at how these people at Shangri-la Hotel handled the situation. Shangri-la Hotel is already out of my itinerary this

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December. I’d rather go someplace else. After Kuma Mori’s post, someone named Samantha Sabrani Cruz posted this link under her post - http://www.facebook.com/ mariaangelicluna?fref=ts Maria Angeli Luna Duty Manager at Edsa Shangri-La, Manila Studied Fundamentals of Pastries and Arts. The link leads you to the Facebook account of Maria Angeli Luna. It also showed her photos and vital information. After Samantha’s post came further comments from netizens. Their names precede their comments. Maria Rachelle Manzano – “She’s very young. She can’t handle the pressure. Bring her to the kitchen to do dishes instead!” Yna Blanes – “Such a simple problem and she can’t handle it? Maria Angeli Luna, you can’t buy professionalism.” Rox Monopoly – “Maria Angeli Luna, you’re screwed. She Dragon will blow her fire at you!” Nesty Angeles Ortiz – “Another inspiring move from Tita Marlene. I wonder why Shangri-la Hotel hires someone to manage their premise with someone who specializes in baking cup cakes? She finished psychology from Far Eastern University yet she doesn’t know how to handle complaints? Shangri-la can’t keep their standards. It’s obvious they can’t afford credible professionals? How sad.” I replied to the above statements by saying, “Their fear of me clouded their logic and reason. But I’m not going away until this issue is resolved. I sent a copy of this letter by email to their managers in Shang Makati, Paris, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Vancouver and Sydney. And I will send it to all their branches worldwide.” I did meet Patrick Schaub that day. I brought my partner Stephen Pollard with me. His job was to calm me down so I didn’t annihilate

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the man mentally. But I was not happy with the outcome of our meeting. So I called the general manager the following day and told him it was best for us to meet again. He agreed. Once more, Stephen Pollard came with me. Again, his role was to protect Patrick Schaub from my wrath. To conclude my ordeal with this European man, here is my last email to him.

“July 5, 2013 Dear Patrick, Thank you so much for meeting with my husband and me yesterday afternoon. And thank you also for your wonderful hospitality. Before I continue, I would like to discuss further Edwin de los Santos’s behavior. I realize from the information you gave me that he is not at all your head of security. However, I would like to insist that was the title he gave me when I asked his name. Anyway, I have been fighting the institution all my life. I have been an activist all my life, a rebel all my life, and a revolutionary all my life. In the last six years, I fought not only the Philippine government but the US as well. The very same time I launched my non-fiction book Warriors of Heaven at the Cultural Center of the Philippines, the Philippine SWAT team raided my home. I am still here, fighting my evil government and stronger than ever. Because of my nature and because of my books, I was placed on the government’s ‘hit list’ in 2009. The administration then wanted me dead. I strongly believe certain political factions in the Philippines want me dead to this very day. Since the release of Warriors of Heaven in 2009, I have received death threats many times. And I’ve also been put at gunpoint a few times. Despite all these threats, I protested against the Philippine

340 MIRROR OF MIND government 78 times in public during the last three years. I don’t know if anyone in Philippine history has ever rallied publicly against the government as many times as I have. I would like you to read the words of a foreign government official that saw me assault the institution. I hope this helps you understand my character. Please read below. “At an international poverty forum hosted by the Asian Development Bank in February 2001, with over 30 countries in attendance, I saw this woman stand up against the international institutions that purport to serve the world’s developing countries. And she told the representatives of these supposedly august bodies that they do not have the balls to do the right thing for the poor and by her country, the Philippines. I said I want to meet that woman. Her name was Marlene Aguilar.” –Oktay Hagverdiyev Director, Cabinet of Ministers, Government of Azerbaijan In my life, I have seen ugliness in this world people couldn’t imagine exists. Because of this, there are times when my heart feels numb regarding life and death situations involving casualties of war. In my world, innocent people get ambushed and killed and kidnapped. The public doesn’t know. The Philippine tri-media is as diseased as the evil government it serves. You may not know this but the UN has cited the Philippine government as the most murderous in the world when it comes to killing its own citizens. What angered me about the behavior of Edwin de los Santos was his abuse of power, one of the very same reasons I loathe the vultures the run my government. I was so angered by the despicable actions of Edwin de los Santos that I had planned to retaliate in ways that would have harmed the image of Shangri-La Hotel worldwide if I wished. I could have submitted my open letter addressed to you to

341 MARLENE AGUILAR the local press. I could have printed it in all the major broadsheets and all the tabloids. They have never refused my articles in the past. I could have submitted the open letter to my supporters abroad and asked them to do the same. After all, the deputy prime minster of Samoa is a fan. He’s written an article about me in their Sunday paper, supporting my fight for a better Philippines. I have other supporters like him abroad representing foreign governments, freedom fighters like me. Like I told you, I manage a community page that stands against the Philippine government. We get five hundred thousand readers everyday, representing 22 countries. The number one newspaper in the Philippines gets only one hundred fifty thousand daily subscribers. I could have launched a hate campaign against Shangri-La Hotel on the Internet. I wondered what your competition would have done with such a public display of hate against your chain of hotels. I thought of ways to harm Maria Angeli Luna and Edwin de los Santos and your hotel. I thought if I were not pleased with your actions to reprimand them, then I would pursue further actions on my own. Like I told you, “If I’m not happy with how you reprimand Maria Angeli Luna and Edwin de los Santos, then I’d find ways to appease my anger.” After all, I have no faith in the institution. I am used to taking my own justice. It isn’t in my nature to wait for anyone to give it to me. I even called my lawyer to see if I could sue the hotel and its crew for harassment. Believe me, I wanted to attack Maria Angeli Luna, Edwin de los Santos and Shangri-La Hotel in more ways than one, because of how they mistreated me. However, you stood in my way. You were the only thing that stood in my way. One of my ex lovers whose father was knighted by the Pope told me once, “It takes a mighty man to deal with me.”

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If you continue reading my non-fiction books, you will find that I was mentored by one of the best operatives from the CIA, a sniper from Vietnam. I call him ‘Marcus’ in my novels. He taught me how to inflict pain upon men. If my mentor saw us the first evening we met, he would have laughed and said, “That man Patrick Schaub has never done anything in his entire life to prepare him for someone like you.” Do not be offended by his judgment. He said that about my former and present husband, too. As I mentioned to you in front of my husband, before you came down to the lobby, I told him that he was there not to side with me. He was there as a mediator. I wanted him there so he could tell me if I was being unfair or unjust concerning my behavior. He did tell you that I fight my own battles and his presence there was objective. In short, I brought my husband to protect you. Dealing with me is like dealing with a coin. You either get one side or the other. The other side of feeling nothing is feeling everything. The other side of anger is calm. The other side of war is peace. Patrick, before my husband and I came to see you last night I knew our meeting could only end in one of two ways. We either parted as enemies or friends. I chose the latter. That is the reason why at one point during our long meeting I asked you, “What would you like me to do?” You told me to allow you to deal with your personnel internally. You told me to trust in your judgment. And I said, “Then the problem is finished. It is now in your hands.” The chances of me walking away from that unfortunate situation are slim to none. What made the difference? We met twice. During both confrontations, I felt you were honest with me every step of the way. Honesty from men like you representing the ugly corporate world is a breath of fresh air to me. It represents hope in a dark

343 MARLENE AGUILAR domain. I do not find it difficult to inflict grave pain upon men who deserve my fury. But I find it hard to hurt a genuine man. After meeting with you twice, I decided I couldn’t hurt your career. Therefore, I couldn’t hurt Shangri-La Hotel. It’s really as simple as that. Therefore, Shangri-La Hotel is free of my wrath. Thank you. Sincerely, Marlene Aguilar”

August 13, 2013, my soul daughter April Sune posted this on my Facebook wall. I have many cosmic children on the Internet who come to me for advise when they are confused or in pain. She wrote: “I LOVE YOU MOM. You can be glorious, benevolent, terrible or filled with wrath, but you command love any way. And I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU “SHE DRAGON’. Big love.” On the same day, my soul son Ren Paz wrote this on my wall: “If I were to be born again, I’d like to have She Dragon as my Mom.” The day before Aimee Rivadillo wrote: “Hi soul Mommy, just want to remind you that I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. You truly are one of the most beautiful persons I’ve ever known.” Asha Apolinar also wrote on my wall and stated, “Mommy, you are ‘fitspiration’.” “I am stronger and more fit today than I was 20 years ago. That is the truth,” was my reply to Asha. Randy Chester, an American working in Thailand as an English teacher is currently reading Warriors of Heaven. He wrote on his Facebook wall and said, “I’m just rendered speechless with some of

344 MIRROR OF MIND this spiritual stuff Marlene is talking about in Warriors of Heaven.” July 19, 2013, I had the following conversation with Steve late last night. “No matter how much I fought my father, who I am today is greatly because of him and my mother. In that sense, you can’t really escape your parents. I didn’t agree with some of the things they did but they affected me so much. They gave me so much.” “You know, we come from the north where in those days, the rules were very strict. My father taught me not to accept insults from men. For example he told me that when I’m walking down the street, if a man whistles at me, he’s insulting me. He insisted I should never allow any man to treat me like that. So he told me if a man whistled at me or does something I find insulting, I should turn around and tell him. Either that or pick up a stone and threaten to smash his nuts with it if he misbehaved again. I did as told. I grew up never allowing the thought of any man insulting me or abusing me. How could I allow something I don’t accept mentally? You see what I mean?” “My mother on the other hand would take me aside and make me stand in front of her. Stand up straight, she’d say to me. Stand proud always. You should be proud of your bloodline. You come from a tribe of headhunters, warriors, real warriors, and brave warriors. We may be poor but that should never stop you from being proud of your ancestry. She’d take her hands and grab my shoulders firmly. She’d lift my chin up. There, she’d say to me. Stand proud. That’s how the world should see you. Proud.” “Now, I do the same to Maya. I constantly remind her to hold her chin up high, to stand proud because she comes from a bloodline of brave warriors. I constantly remind her that she should never let a boy or a man touch her private parts without her consent. And if

345 MARLENE AGUILAR they do, she should scream as loud as she can for help. I tell her ‘if a man touches her private parts, if he says he’d kill her mother, she shouldn’t be afraid of his threats, because her mother would kill him faster than he can lay his hands on her.’” “Do you see the pattern? I never let any man treat me badly. My father made sure of that. By the same token, I don’t believe Maya would ever let any man do the same to her. How could she possibly allow any man to treat her badly when the idea doesn’t even enter her mind?” “Remember in Sri Lanka, while riding in the van with Asitha, I asked Maya if she’s ever seen her parents argue. She said no. It was like that for me growing up with my parents. They never argued in front of their children. My father may have beaten his children, but he never laid his hands on my mother. Plus, I never saw him raise his voice at her. She also never raised her voice at him, nor did she question his judgments in front of their children.” “How do you think I affect Maya? I’m so different from you. I’m so calm.” “You teach her to remain calm in a world filled with chaos.” “You endured so much pain in childhood. Maya’s home is filled with only love for her.” “We don’t have to give her pain. The world does that for her. She’s growing up with her brother in jail. She’s growing up aware that the government torments her family because her mother wrote a book against the system.” “Come to think of it, it was my mother who taught me to fight my father. She was the one who taught me to conquer him.” “How do you think Maya would grow up? She comes from such a different background as you.” “Maya has the best of you and me in her. She has the best of east

346 MIRROR OF MIND and west. She will be fine.” Sunday, October 6, 2013, I lay on a day bed made of bamboo, covered with beige natural fabric. I am on the terrace of my cottage, which sits on four stilts shooting out of the ocean floor. The open and endless sea is to my left. In front of me, I see the tip of a huge rocky mountain beaming with all sorts of foliage and trees like some Chinese watercolor painting. As I type these words, the soft breeze caresses my oiled skin. I see an array of bougainvillea to my left in terracotta pots. They line the length of the porch. Their pink flowers and leaves dance gently with the passing wind. The sounds of giggling water brushing against the rocks remind me of young mermaids at play. The goddess of the sea is not far away. I just had a wonderful experience. I wanted to write it down and share it with you while it is still fresh in my memory. Not far from my room is the spa, which they call cottage zero. It is about sixteen square meters. Like my hut, it sits on stilts above the ocean sheltered with a grass roof made of cogon. All sides of the room are open to the elements, adorned with soft off white curtains made of gossamer and see through cotton. Inside the room are two small beds where Steve and I had a massage at two o’clock this afternoon. While I lay face down on my cot, I closed my eyes and drifted to wonderland. I felt the warm hands of Julie, the masseuse rubbing my back firmly, the sensation of her touch pushing me to relax further away from the world of mortal men. I could hear the various birds chirping from a distance, while the splashing waves joined them in their musical recital, rocking me sweetly to never-never land. How wonderful it was to be surrounded by the favors of Mother Nature. As I drifted between your reality and the space beyond, I decided to speak to Mother Water, the goddess of the sea, the queen of the

347 MARLENE AGUILAR ocean, the very celestial force that gives life to water. As I fell deeper into the void, I summoned her. “Mother Water, Mother Water hear thy child,” I whispered in silence. “I implore thee. Teach me. Educate me. Bring me to the center of thy domain and show me thy true self. Show me thy true power,” I stated. Then I repeated the same words in stillness over and over. As I continued my invocation, I felt my spirit traveling further and further from this matrix. I felt my spirit go down deep under the ocean. Then I found myself surrounded by darkness. It was not utter blackness but darkness in various shades. There, I saw all sorts of black creatures around me, creatures I cannot describe in words. They were above me, below me, before me, they were all over me. Then out of nowhere, I saw Africa. I saw the continent of Africa right there in front of me. I stared at it wondering what it was doing there. I noticed it was dark as well, darkest around its perimeters. But there to the south and at the lower portion of its vastness came light. I observed incredible life of numerous shapes and forms passed through it coming from another domain. The magic of the sight put me to tears. However, my human mind couldn’t comprehend what I saw. I have seen all sorts of visions during trance, most of them I cannot describe because I can’t translate the experience in English. I cannot convert the experience into words. How could I possibly translate into words celestial experiences that do not exist in your imagination? How could I possibly describe visions that do not exist in your reality? But this one, this particular revelation of Africa matters. I know it. I feel it. My soul tells me so. That is why I am telling you about it. I don’t know how long I stared at the image of Africa until

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Mother Water finally came to me. I couldn’t see her. But I could feel her enchanted presence, so powerful it was intoxicating. It was then I realized that her divine essence is present in every drop of water on earth. She said: “I am the only element that moves to every corner of the earth. Unseen by humans, I can travel in tiny particles by air. I can be soft. I can be hard. I can heal. I can destroy. I come in different shapes and forms. I am within you as I am without you. Furthermore, I am the only element that can fall from the sky. All life began from the ocean. You are part of me as all life is part of me. Did you ever wonder why your tears are salty? Did you ever wonder why your sweat is salty? Your tears and your sweat are salty because you crawled to the earth from the bottom of the sea. Your life was drawn from me. Every creature known to man, big and small was born out of me. I control a great portion of the earth as I control a great portion of you, and every human being. That is why you must consume me every day in order to live.” The goddess paused. My human body remained in trance in your reality. However in the void I was flawlessly awake, absorbing every word the goddess of the sea expressed. I saw all sorts of wonders as she spoke. I saw life appearing. I saw life vanishing. I saw the earth when it was young. Then I saw the earth turn and spin, revolving into different faces and phases. I saw the god of creation and I saw the goddess of destruction. They held each other in a sensual dance of absolute perfection, fusing as one and the same magnificent force, sharing love unknown to man, while everything in the universe turned at their whim. In an instant, I saw the evolution of the universe. In an instant,

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I saw the perfect merging of yin and yang. Mother Water began to speak once more. “I want you to go back in time. Go back to the year 2009,” she said. “This was the year you faced trial by water. Even your dreams were ridden by water threatening you. You saw the great flood in your sleep, didn’t you?” In an instant, my memory traveled back into the distant past. She was right. My dreams were plagued by unfortunate events involving water in 2009. “Do you remember?” she asked. “Do you remember those days now? Go back into time and live it once more. I will guide you. You trusted a man, one of your dearest friends. His name begins with the letter A. You thought that the US government would have you murdered for writing Warriors of Heaven. You thought they would kill you and your husband. Then an agent of the US government warned you that then president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo put you on a hit list. The American told you this assassination plan included your husband, your two sons and your daughter. Your daughter was only six years old when this happened. You trusted this friend of yours so much you told him if you and your husband died, you would entrust him with Maya. If you and your husband perished, he was to become your daughter’s guardian.” It is true. Everything the deity said is true. I was so overwhelmed by her words. She continued to speak. “What did you do when you received the first advance copy of Warriors of Heaven from Hong Kong? Do you remember? Think back,” she told me gently. I stayed transfixed in 2009, searching and searching like flipping through the pages of a book rapidly, looking for one particular photo. I saw images of the past flashing quickly before me. Finally, I saw

350 MIRROR OF MIND the friend she spoke about and I saw the very moment I gave him the first hardbound copy of Warriors of Heaven. It was a symbol, a symbol of my absolute alliance with him. I told him if I were to take a position of power in the Philippines, I would place him in a crucial position. I also told him I did not want to lead the Philippines for a long time. So I would groom him to replace me. A great storm came to the Philippines after I gave him the book. A horrible typhoon called Ondoy attacked our islands destroying many homes and taking many lives. The city of Metro Manila suffered severe flooding, drowning many vehicles, which included my friend’s car where he kept the book I gave him. The very first hardbound copy of Warriors of Heaven was engulfed by water. It was ruined. Mother Ocean spoke again. “It was I that destroyed the book you gave your friend. Do you know why? The destruction of that book marked the beginning of your great persecution, your persecution by water. The destruction of that book also means, your plans involving your friend were not meant to be. Warriors of Heaven suffered trial by water. So did you and all those close to you. Since then, those you hold dearest to your heart were persecuted. Your home was attacked several times by agents of the Philippine government. Then the public condemned you and your son Jason Ivler. In addition, agents and assets of the US government tormented you for several years. You blame the brotherhood of military men in Washington DC for all the tragedy you suffered in the hands of America since 2007, the year Caesar walked into your life. However, you know everything that happens in your life has been forged by heaven since time was born.

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As the oracles have told you over the years, all those who stand in your way shall perish. That is the true. Look around you; the vultures running your government breathe in fear. They face persecution. They will suffer the merciless judgment of karma. You have passed our trials. But only a handful among your allies and friends survived the tests. Today, you are wiser and stronger. Inside your heart you know that all the suffering you endured was necessary. It was heaven’s way of forging you to what you are today. The gods have prepared you well for what lies ahead of you. You have always known all this. You know because the gods bestowed upon you the gift of sight. Moreover, the gods gifted you with the ability to abandon your human existence, thereby allowing you to travel through space and time so you could speak to us. After all, you belong in our world. You belong to us.” My eyes shed tears as the goddess spoke. Meanwhile, I continued to see wonders and visions. I saw myself living and dying so many times the numbers astounded my mortal mind. Suddenly, in my mind I thought of asking the deity a favor. “Ask my child. What do you wish to see?” she asked me instantly. “Gabriel,” I whispered. “Show me Gabriel.” As soon as I spoke, darkness turned into light. I found myself back on earth, but in another time. I saw my body suspended in the air floating above the ocean somewhere in the east, while my feet pointed to the west. The sun beamed from the sky brighter than ever. I saw Gabriel coming from the south knee deep in water. He walked toward the immaculate shore heading north. I had never seen Gabriel surrounded by light before. I had only seen him in utter blackness in my trance states. ‘Do you wish to see Caesar?” the queen of water asked. “If you please,” I replied.

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The vision of Gabriel remained clear and congealed in a world of light. Then I saw Caesar coming straight toward me from the west, walking on the white sand perpendicular to where Gabriel stood. They both wore the same white cotton T-shirt tucked in their khaki pants, wearing the same brown leather belt tied around their waists. “Please, show me more,” I implored Mother Water. In an instant, I saw the cosmic forces engulf the souls of Gabriel and Caesar whirling both of them into the hemisphere. The world turned, shifting from light to black and back again. Then it started to spin with Gabriel and Caesar’s spirit around its perimeter, revolving between lightness and blackness. Both of them spun around the world, encompassing every life with their fused energy. It was then I realized the cosmic forces surrounding the souls of these two warriors of heaven are one and the same. When one is good, the other is evil, and vice versa. The two of them swirled in this circular pattern going counter clockwise for what seemed to me a never ending moment. And in the very center of that round plane where they spun, I saw myself. More tears fell from my human eyes; grateful to the goddess of the sea for the knowledge and wisdom she had bequeathed me. Finally, she uttered her last words. “Before I leave, I want to show you again the vision of Africa I showed you earlier. Do not forget this apparition. I know it is not clear to you now, but in time you will understand what it means. You will know what to do. You will deliver the will of the gods.” After that, the goddess disappeared. As soon as she vanished, I returned to this reality. The following day, I checked the Internet for information about typhoon Ondoy. Here is some information I found from Wikipedia. “Typhoon Ketsana was given the name Ondoy after entering the

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Philippine Area of Responsibility. It was the second most devastating tropical cyclone in the 2009 Pacific typhoon season with a damage of $1.09 billion and 747 fatalities. Ondoy caused least 464 deaths in the Philippines and the displacement of hundreds of thousands of people from their homes. It was the most devastating typhoon to hit Manila, surpassing Typhoon Patsy (Yoling) in 1970.” “Ondoy was the most devastating typhoon to ever hit Manila.” Imagine that. My trial by water was brought to me by the most destructive storm to ever hit central Luzon. I would have never realized it if mother water did not explain it to me. By the way, we are on vacation in Palawan. There is an island in these parts of the Philippines, which for me offers the most beautiful resorts in the world. I have been coming to this retreat since before I met Steve. I am not going to tell you the name of the place we visited because I don’t want it infested with tourists. There are three other posh resorts in this area. I heard Princess Diana and Elton John have previously taken refuge in a resort, which is not far from where I am. I do not choose to stay in those places because I do not like their Filipino clientele. They cater to locals who are members of the elite, wealthy Filipinos who I find pretentious and shallow, Filipinos who fail to teach their children how to speak their native language because they speak to each other only in English. The sight of these creatures makes me want to vomit. I am staying in cottage one, the most private of all the rooms in this entire resort. It is the one farthest away from the beach and closest to the open sea. This is the same place where I stayed seventeen years ago when I first came here. I have been booking the same room ever since. Maya and I are occupying this cottage, while Steve took the hut next to it. As I mentioned earlier, these huts stand

354 MIRROR OF MIND in the water on stilts. When I look down, I see all sorts of fish and corals. Maya and I saw a stingray while we stood on the terrace the other day. This place is a marine sanctuary. I have traveled to some thirty-seven countries. I have visited resorts all over Asia, Africa and the south Pacific. Still, for me the most beautiful place in the world is my beloved Philippines. Steve and I haven’t been to this place since Maya was born although every year we remind each other that we should bring our daughter to this island. Maya is turning eleven soon. We had planned to give her a big party to celebrate her birthday but I thought bringing her to this magical destination would be a more soulful experience for her. So I asked her, which she would prefer, a big party or a trip to the most beautiful island on earth. She chose the latter. I arrived in this heavenly place on Friday, October 4, 2013. We woke up at 4:30 in the morning and left the house at five to board the plane at seven. It took us around 45 minutes to get to the island in Palawan where we had to take a boat to bring us to our destination. As soon as Maya got off the plane, she shrieked with joy. “This place is so beautiful unlike the dirty city we just left behind.” I was amazed at her words. It makes me so happy she could see the magic in a place detached from the metropolis. I’ve been getting a massage everyday since I arrived here. Today, Steve decided to join me. We went to cottage zero, which is adjacent to my room. Curtains made of soft and gossamer cotton fabric surround four sides of the room that stands above the magnificent Pacific Ocean. The place is heaven on earth. Yesterday, we took Maya to a private island for lunch. I had arranged this before we left Manila. It was an experience I shared with Steve and my daughter that will remain vivid in my memory for all eternity.

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We left Palawan on Tuesday, October 8, 2013. On the way home from Palawan, I sat inside the plane sitting next to Maya contemplating the complexity of my psyche. I pondered and searched inside me for answers to questions I’ve always asked myself. As you know I have several and distinct personalities. There is a part of me that is so cold, she could murder half the population of the earth and feel no guilt. Yet, there is another part inside me that is so compassionate and kind, it opposes that personality. What amazes me is whatever I’ve done in the past, good or bad, I have no guilt concerning my actions. Whatever I have done, whatever I do, I find no conflict inside me regarding my actions despite my opposing personalities. Why is that? How come my other personalities do not question the actions of the others? I have asked myself that question over and over, but I didn’t see the answer, not until I boarded the plane on my way to this island. The answer is this. Every distinct persona I have exists with such conviction it is not possible for the others inside me to question it. All my personalities share one common ground. They have absolute faith in each other. That is the true relationship between yin and yang. They may stand opposite each other but they understand the validity of each other’s conviction. So they respect it and support it. Recently, I received this email from Josephine Queipo. In case you forgot, she was my brother Freddie’s wife. They got separated after being married for over two decades. They have four children, two boys and two girls, Maegan, Jonan, Jeriko and Sasha. Maegan, Jonan, and Jericho are known musicians in the Philippines, while Sasha is a very talented fashion designer, famous among some of the coolest members of the young nation. Josephine is also my editor. She just read chapter one. Below is her comment.

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“I have always had a deep respect for Papang from the stories of Mama Salud and your Kuya, so it pained me, physically pained me, to read how he could step on a three year-old’s neck ‘til close to losing consciousness. For decades, I thought he was a man of dignity but now his image only conjures up fury and sadness. I regret having been shown that brutal side of Papang.” “On the opposite side of the spectrum, I am enamored by the ending of chapter one. The rituals and the hearings are wondrous and exciting on so many levels!” “Again, the chapter took me on a journey from low depths of despair to high peaks of elation. Your work is akin to a spiritual roller coaster ride. How long before I get to see chapter 4?” Here is my reply to Josephine. “My siblings and my mother refuse to see the dark side of my father. They couldn’t accept it. Why do you regret seeing my father’s darkness? As far as I’m concerned, it makes him more compelling. Plus, all the wonderful things my brother and my mother said about Papang are true. It is his blackness that validates his lightness, and vice versa.” Going back to Dick the academe, when I asked him about his first sexual experience, he replied by saying, he’d rather tell me about his first love. Maybe this is because he didn’t enjoy his first sexual encounter with the female gender. I suppose it’s harder for men, since they have to perform and during their first try, they have absolutely no control over their erotic explosions. I am so blessed in that respect. My first sexual rendezvous with a man was wonderful. As I mentioned in chapter two, my very first sexual engagement was with a beautiful man who was half French, half Persian. I think everyone’s first sexual experience should be magical. It should be

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with someone very special like my first lover who was romantic beyond words. Still, I wasn’t compelled to stay with him. He was gorgeous inside and out. He had mind and passion. He treated me like his queen. He venerated me and loved me. In return, I was very kind, caring and sweet to him. I reciprocated his good deeds. Still I wasn’t compelled to stay with him. I suppose I loved him in a very superficial way. I mean, I loved him but his soul was not deeply connected to mine. He and I spent many months together after our first sexual intercourse. And our erotic engagements were always better than the last. Still, I didn’t love him enough to stay longer. So, one day I vanished from his life like thin air. And we never saw each other again. Why did I do that? Why did I leave him without saying goodbye? If I said goodbye, then he would have asked me why. And I couldn’t have the heart to tell him that I never loved him. I think in this instance the unknown was better than the truth. So, I left my first lover, simply because I didn’t love him, not the way he loved me. The strange thing is that I did that again to other lovers of mine. I just walked away. With the others, I just didn’t want to explain myself. Why was I like this? My partner of fourteen years says that’s because of my love-and-hate relationship with my father, part of me hated men. He added that he believes there was that part of me that desired to inflict pain on the opposite sex. I agree with him. Around seven months after I met Steve, he told my mother he wanted to marry me. Upon hearing his words, the feisty warrior queen of the north shook her head rapidly, glariing at my lover like he was about to undertake mission impossible. Then she gave him her firm words of warning, “Are you crazy?” she asked the Brit. “You don’t want to marry that girl! Her tongue drips venom. If you

358 MIRROR OF MIND think she’ll bring you heaven, you are wrrooooong! That girl will bring you hell, hell you couldn’t handle.” “You seem like a nice man. Listen to me and listen to me well, if you know what’s good for you. I have two other daughters you might want to consider. Somebody please put some sense into this poor man.” Many years later, and to her surprise, my mother realized that I didn’t psychologically torture Steve like I did with most men in my life. Steve and I have a relationship that is similar to the one I had with my first husband Robert Ivler. We rarely argue. And when we do, we don’t raise our voices at each other. We are able to discuss our differences with wisdom and rationale. I would like to remind you again what my mother told Steve many years ago during a conversation they had in our home. This was included in Bringer of Death. My beautiful mother told my partner: “I think, part of her hated her father so much that the image of any man reminded her of her father. He beat her terribly, worse than her sisters. He died when she was a teenager. So she continued her battle against her father in every man whoever’s crossed her path. She also preferred to date men much, much older than her. I believe this is because she needed them as a medium to fight her unfinished business with her father. Plus, I think she was never really a child, you know what I mean? She always had this maturity about her. When she was a child, she seemed like this very, very old soul trapped in a little girl’s body. Anyway, I believe that is also the reason why she’s always favored older men. She always preferred the maturity and the wisdom of older men, because she was gifted with maturity from birth.” “She was so cruel to her lovers. What I will never understand is

359 MARLENE AGUILAR no matter what she did, these men kept coming back for more. You wouldn’t believe how terrible she was to these men, especially that man Marcus, who patiently cuddled her and loved her despite her monstrosities. He gave her everything. That poor man offered her everything. Yet, she gave him hell. She gave that man hell like you wouldn’t believe.” “Despite her bad behavior, these men loved her. They loved her with all their might. Go talk to that other witch she’s been confiding in for two decades, that lady oracle. She knows about Marlene. Ask that older banshee how many of Marlene’s ex-lovers have gone to see the old lady, offering her great sums of money for her to perform her voodoo on my daughter and make her love them again. Go ask her how many of Marlene’s former lovers have gone to see her with their hearts broken. ” “What’s even more puzzling is that she left all her lovers. No one ever left her you know. Moreover, in some cases, she simply just disappeared out of their lives without a word, without explanation. Can you imagine that?” “You’re a brave soul for putting up with my daughter. Why the gods sent you to end up with this Medusa on earth I’ll never know. And yet you seem so happy and content. Like the others before you, you love her so. I swear that she casts a spell on all of you, the priestess of darkness that she is.” “Every single person. Every single person without exception - every single soul that ever gets close to her ends up loving her and loving her immensely. It doesn’t matter who it is or what level of relationship she has with them. It could be her personal secretary, the masseuse, the janitor, her dance trainer, her staff, the lunatic artists who work with her, or even these pompous American military war- mongers she’s been fighting with, male or female, it doesn’t matter.

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I’m telling you, my daughter puts a curse on each of you, which is why you end up loving her with a passion that burns. You don’t realize it but, for better or for worse, you’re all damned!” “Let me tell you something more about Marlene. You’ll never know her. Nobody knows her. The more you know her, the more you’ll realize you really don’t know her. The more you dig, the deeper she gets. She’s not of this world. Why do you think she disdains the laws of men and society so vehemently? She doesn’t belong here. She’s alien.” “That’s because she exists in numerous realities, living several parallel lives. Yet, I believe that while functioning in this plane, she’s been able to achieve balance between heaven and earth. At will, she’s perfectly able to maintain balance between her freedom and abiding by the rules of the box when she wants to,” Steve replied. “According to her, in some realities where she co-exists, the level of consciousness is much more evolved than in this one. This is one of the reasons why she can detach herself completely from the material world. This is why she sneers at mankind. She sees the future. She knows her fate. She knows her place here and beyond, whereas no other human being does. I understand the spiritual side to her. And I don’t doubt her,” Steve added. “There must be a good reason why you came in her life because I know she chose you at first sight. And no man on earth has ever spent more time with Marlene than you. She never allowed that in the past. I’m telling you she ended so many of her relationships as soon as they began,” my mother continued. There are many good reasons why Steve came into my life. First and foremost, Maya had to be born. She will bring light to the world. The last six years have been the darkest years of my life.

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Without Steve standing by me during all this time, I don’t know if I would be standing today stronger than ever. He is the phoenix, the red phoenix that strengthens the green dragon of the east. I really don’t know how he can stand watching me take dangerous risks. It must not be easy to have a partner like me. I’m about to lead a big protest against the Philippine government and Steve constantly tells me to be careful. He tells me he worries about me. A big protest against the vermin that rule this country is at hand, but before I go on let me disscuss with you what is currently happening in the Philippines. Typhoon Haiyan, known as typhoon Yolanda in the Philippines has devastated our entire nation. This horrible storm came and devastated the southern parts of our lands, destroying homes and killing thousands of people. News and photos on the media and Internet showed the absolute horror that came after the disaster. Dead bodies of men, women and children were piled on top of one another in Tacloban. The corpses of the diseased lay rotting on the sidewalk for their loved ones to see. Children were heard screaming and crying wanderng around a sea of dead bodies, while they desperately searched for their parents, parents who died during the storm. The survivors were left with no shelter, food and water. Their situation got worse when prisoners escaped from jail. These vile men looted homes and raped young girls and women. I can’t imagine the absolute horror these young girls faced. They have lost their loved ones. They were deprived of shelter, food and water. They were shattered in mind, body and spirit. Still, they had to face these souless men who took advantage of them after the storm. That was hell right there. That was hell taking over the earth. My brother in law Abraham Hipolito told me about a Filipino Chinese client of his who lives in Tacloban. He is a businessman.

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They were one of the lucky people because their house was not destroyed by the typhoon. But the convicts who escaped from jail stormed into their home one evening. These horrible men raped his sixteen year old daughter in front of him. Here is news about the storm I found from this site, http://www. latimes.com/world/worldnow/la-fg-wn-philippines-typhoon-death- toll-surpasses-6000-20131213,0,7602578.story#ixzz2nWFme400 “Los Angeles Times, by Alexandra Zavis, December 13, 2013, 12:14 p.m. Disaster response workers trawling through piles of debris continue to find bodies more than a month after a powerful typhoon swept through the central Philippines, pushing the death toll to more than 6,000, with nearly 1,800 people still unaccounted for, authorities said Friday. The government’s main disaster response agency said 6,009 people had been confirmed killed in the Nov. 8 storm known internationally as Haiyan and in the Philippines as Yolanda. At least 1,779 remained missing, the National Disaster Risk Reduction and Management Council said in a statement. The typhoon, one of the most powerful on record to make landfall, devastated coastal areas across a string of islands, reducing entire streets to rubble. More than 1 million homes were damaged or destroyed and nearly 4 million people displaced, according to the latest government count. Between 20 and 30 bodies are still being recovered each day, Maj. Reynaldo Balido, a spokesman for the disaster response agency, told reporters. The toll has been especially high on the islands of Leyte and Samar, which were pummeled by massive storm surges. Authorities in the hardest-hit city of Tacloban passed an ordinance Wednesday prohibiting the construction of homes less than 40 yards

363 MARLENE AGUILAR from the shoreline, the Philippines News Agency reported. The ordinance is expected to affect more than 7,000 families, who reside or own property within the ‘no-build zone.’” Official Gazette reported: “Typhoon Yolanda struck the Philippines on November 8, 2013. It has been called the most powerful storm to make landfall in recorded history. The worst hit provinces were Leyte and Eastern Samar, with a combined population of 2.3 million, and which experienced sustained winds of 270 kph, gusts of up to 312 kph, and a storm surge as high as 7 meters or 21 feet. ” The Filipino people were devastated by typhoon Yolanda that is true. But what is worse is that the government failed to help the victims in dire need. The public accused government officials of stealing food and relief that poured into the country from abroad. In some cases the government officials exploited the assistance and used it as campaign propaganda. Internet accused the Vice President Jejomar Binay of delaying the arrival of food for typhoon victims because allegedly, he re-packed the goods using his own campaign bags, bags bearing his name. People say Jejomar Binay wants to run for president in 2016. Do I believe the horrible accusations against the vice president of the Philippines? Absolutely. And I hope and pray he suffers the wrath of earth, heaven and hell. But he is not alone. I believe the president and other government officials are guilty of the same evil. They are guilty of crimes against humanity. The truth is, in the Philippines their vehement acts are not unusual for local politicians. They are all vermin. All over Facebook, witnesses and relatives of typhoon victims stated that aid did not reach many areas in the Visayas. Provisions that came in were so little compared to the lavish amounts of food

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and assistance pouring into the country as shown on national TV. Aid came in extravagant proportions but they never reached the victims. I found this news on the Internet with this headline; Expired relief goods end up in Palo, Leyte dumpsite. The article stated: “Residents of Barangay San Jose in Palo, Leyte said relief goods meant for typhoon survivors ended up in a dumpsite after being kept past their expiration date. In a report aired on GMA News’ “24 Oras” on Thursday, some residents said the dumped relief goods were immediately buried by local government personnel using heavy equipment. Other residents refused to face the camera but confirmed expired relief goods were dumped in their village. In a report in the Manila Standard Today on Wednesday, Palo Municipal Social Welfare and Development officer Rosalina Balderas admitted that “truckloads of expired and spoiled relief goods were dumped and buried in an open dumpsite in Barangay San Jose [on] Feb. 5 and Mar. 6, 2014.” Four months after Typhoon Yolanda struck Leyte and other provinces in the Visayas, President Benigno Aquino III apologized on Thursday for the slow government response to the typhoon.” I just received this email from change.org asking me to sign a petition to help the victims of the typhoon. Here’s a portion of the narrative. “Dear Marlene, Four months after Typhoon Yolanda hit, thousands of survivors still live on nothing but rubble, dole outs and courage.” Imagine that. In the meantime mountains and mountains of large bags filled with aid from all over the world lay rotting away. The government of the Philippines is diseased to the core. We are a failed state.

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On December 3, 2013, using my Facebook account, I called for a protest against the government of the Philippines. I released this statement on Facebook along with the image of a man bearing the colors of the Philippine flag adorned with the sun and its three stars. The following words were written across the image: “Jan. 25. Feb. 28, 2014 Declaration of Independence from Worthless Leader NOYNOY AQUINO RESIGN YOU ARE A SHAME TO THE NATION” The link I sent included this narrative: “I have one thousand supporters coming from Caloocan, Valenzuela and Bulacan. I am calling on people from Metro Manila and the provinces to come and join me in this protest against the government. We will meet at Monumento, Caloocan at 7am, January 25, 2014. From the statue of Andres Bonifacio we will march to Malacanang Palace to protest. Join me. Together, let us destroy the inhumane and corrupt government of the Philippines. DO NOT FEAR! I WILL LEAD! AND I WILL FIGHT TO DEATH! – Marlene Aguilar aka She Dragon” The link has become viral on the Internet. However, political parties immediately jumped into the bandwagon. Let me tell you about these so called political groups. All the past revolutions, all the past major demonstrations in the Philippines were instigated and paid for by the CIA. It is easy for them to manipulate the political structure of this nation. All they have to do is pay the leaders of political parties to bring people to the rallies. The amount of money they pay equals the amount of people that these groups will bring to protest with them. Several hours after I posted my call for protest against the

366 MIRROR OF MIND government, I released this statement on my wall: “ON JANUARY 25, 2014 other ‘groups’ will march and demonstrate with us because their parties have political agendas. However, my supporters and I will march because we love the Philippines. For me, that makes all the difference. I will fight for a better Philippines and I am willing to stand on the firing line and put my life on the line for you, for your children, and for your children’s children. SO FIGHT WITH ME!” There is a community page on Facebook called Showbiz Government, which I consider as the number one anti-government media on the Internet in the Philippines. There are other popular anti-government sites on Facebook as well. They are Anonymous Philippines, Pandora’s Boxx, Pixel Offensive and Pinoy Monkey Pride. Anonymous Philippines represent cyber hackers in the country. They are responsible for bringing down government sites on the global computer network. On December 4, 2014, Showbiz Government posted a photo of mine; quoting the narrative I posted above. After this, Showbiz Government posted other headlines on their wall supporting my cause to destroy the current administration. A man who goes by the name of Ting Galing on Facebook began reading my non-fiction books a few months ago. He is very much involved with the Showbiz Government page. He and I have had conversations regarding the future of the Philippines via private messaging on Facebook. Recently, Ting started reading Bringer of Death. He posted this narrative on his Facebook wall copied to mine. “I’m already on book three. By far, I consider Bringer of Death as the most satisfying read. The reader goes through a rollercoaster ride of emotions ranging from the funny Mr. Mabaho anecdote

367 MARLENE AGUILAR to the tug-at-the heartstring speech at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. Of course, along the way, there are the snippets of philosophical wisdom and ideological sarcasm so typical of any Aguilar novel. Why do I love reading Marlene Aguilar’s books and posts on Facebook? The answer is simple: She speaks her mind and she speaks through her heart. Unlike many writers, bloggers, commentators, Ms. Aguilar’s views are not defined by the predominant political colors of the time. Neither politicians nor political parties can influence, buy, or even intimidate her. Marlene’s loyalty is to the Philippine flag alone. Unlike the great pretenders, the so-called management gurus and love experts, Marlene’s knowledge as reflected in her writings is shaped by real- life poverty and personal tragedies, not from taking crash courses and seminars. That Ms. Aguilar is able to rise like a phoenix despite her tragedies is an embodiment of the nuggets of wisdom she freely gives. This is the Marlene Aguilar I know. Nay, keep writing. The haters are either idiots who are simply at a loss or closet admirers who can’t admit they like your views and yet they religiously follow you on FB.” In the meantime, a Filipina living in the US named Ais sent me a private message. She told me that US Secretary of State John Kerry was coming to the Philippines in two days. She added that she thinks it’s a good idea for me to bring my supporters out in public to demonstrate on the day of Kerry’s arrival in the Philippines. I don’t think people have any idea how terribly exhausting it is to lead public protests. Anyway, I decided to write a message for John Kerry instead. On December 11, 2013, I posted the image of US Secretary of State John Kerry on Facebook embedded on the left side with

368 MIRROR OF MIND photos of typhoon Yolanda victims. I wrote: “To US Secretary of State John Kerry, In the name of truth, justice and freedom, I urge you and the US government to stop supporting the heartless and corrupt leaders of the Philippines. Help us win our battle to impeach Philippine President Benigno Aquino III who is guilty of plunder and crimes against humanity. Help us win our battle to impeach not only the Philippine president, but the Vice President Jejomar Binay as well, who is guilty of exploiting and abusing the helpless and destitute victims of typhoon Yolanda. Help us remove fraudulent members of the senate and the congress, and other government officials in the Philippines including Mar Roxas, Secretary of the Department of Interior and Local Government and Dinky Soliman, Secretary of the Department of Social Welfare Development who have done nothing but prey upon the poor and the weak. We are a failed state, and we will not survive as a nation if you do not come to the aid of the poor people of the Philippines. At this point in our history, they are in dire need of your intervention and protection from the hands of the vultures that run our government. I pray you will waste no time to come to their defense. Thank you. Sincerely yours, Marlene Aguilar” The link also became viral on the Internet. Soon after I posted the link calling for people to join me in my protest on January 25, 2014, members representing politicians and political parties contacted me. A woman sent me a private message and told me that I need

369 MARLENE AGUILAR the support of all political parties such as Juana Change, Kilusang Mayo Uno, Anak Pawis, Gabriela and so on. She asked me that I should come and meet with the representatives of this group. Here was my reply to her. “I am not a politician and I will never be one. I have no desire to meet with these groups because I don’t know how to talk to them. I don’t know how to play their games in politics. Every person who loves the Philippines should join the rally. They should join me in my fight for justice and freedom because it is the right thing to do.” The woman answered my reply and stated, “Is that so? I understand Miss Marlene. I want you to know I will continue to admire you.” Someone representing Mayor Duterte from Davao contacted me as well. She was very courteous. Another person asked me whom I would choose as vice president if I ran for president. I didn’t answer that query. Messages from people playing the game of politics poured in regarding the rally. Someone even sent a message that I should send Bishop Oscar Cruz an invitation to join the protest. I hate politics. And I loathe politicians and their minions. But the worst kind of scum that communicated with me on Facebook during this time represented the camp of Bong Bong Marcos. At first they asked me politely through private messages on Facebook if I would agree for my supporters and me to team up with their camp. I answered politely by saying, “We are all fighting the same enemy.” That was all I said. Then they began campaigning for Bong Bong Marcos on my Facebook wall. I couldn’t believe these maggots. I erased their posts. After that, I posted several comments and headlines urging people not to use my wall for their political campaign because I do not support any politician. I also mentioned I am not a Marcos supporter. But the maggots representing Bong

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Bong Marcos did not stop. They continued to campaign for him on my wall. In addition, they posted comments making Ferdinand Marcos look like he was the savior of the Philippines. I could never understand why any moron would support Marcos. When Ferdinand Marcos became president, my country was one of the top nations in Asia, second to Japan. Thanks to Marcos, by the mid 80’s the Philippines became a third world country. I was infuriated by the actions of Bong Bong Marcos’ camp. So I posted a series of links on my wall against Ferdinand Marcos. The first article was written by Ping Galang, which he posted on the Internet on February 21, 2011. I found the essay from this site, http://yesferdinandmarcosruinedthephilippines.wordpress. com/2011/02/21/the-economic-decline-that-led-to-marcos-fall/ He wrote: “The Economic Decline That Led to Marcos’ Fall In the three years following the 1983 murder of Benigno Aquino Jr., the Philippine economy steadily declined amid a combination of growing political instability and eroding investor confidence that eventually led to the collapse of the autocratic regime of Ferdinand Marcos. When Marcos first came to power in 1966, the Philippines was one of Asia’s dynamic economies, second only to highly industrialized Japan. By the early 1980s, many of its neighbors had overtaken the Philippines as Marcos perpetrated a regime of misguided economic directions, corruption across the bureaucracy, favoritism in the grant of state incentives and financing that bred inefficient industries under an environment of crony capitalism, and widespread poverty amid a land of opportunities controlled by monopolies. The EDSA uprising of February 1986 — a quarter of a century ago this month — was an inevitability that followed the popular

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outrage over the Aquino assassination. While the military mutiny against Marcos served as a trigger, the succeeding people power revolt was mostly an outpouring of pent-up anger and frustration with the crippling economic stagnation that by then had stifled most Filipinos’ hopes for better living standards. Obviously the Filipino people’s cry at EDSA was for change— for governance with a heart and for more and widely accessible opportunities for a better life. A review of the failed Marcos economic strategies can help current leaders avoid a similar fate. A few years before the dictator’s ouster, economists were already expressing concern over the failure of the economy to get out of the “boom-and-bust” cycle of short spurts of positive growth that were inexorably followed by decline and dislocation for many economic sectors. When Marcos first came to power, he inherited an economy that was exhibiting dynamic growth in industrial production. Manufacturing activity was expanding from a small base in the food sector to textiles, clothing, metal products, machinery and petroleum products. In agriculture, new high-yielding varieties and improved farm irrigation and mechanization techniques pushed up production and enhanced commercial activity, even if the effects on the net terms of trade, or the purchasing power of exports, were not so profound. Amid that growth, the Marcos regime followed a strategy of import-substitution in further boosting the economy, offering a protective umbrella of tax and tariff incentives to attract investment in industries. However, it failed to make the nimble next step: an export-oriented strategy where local industries could be nurtured into competitive players in the global markets and in the process stimulate related growth in other domestic sectors.

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The discredited policy mix of import controls—an overvalued exchange rate, subsidies mainly to the urban sector, and tariff protection—continued to be employed to protect domestic industries, while other East Asian economies were sharpening their competitiveness in the export markets. A sudden flood of cheap “petrodollars” flowed into the world capital markets from oil-exporting countries in the early 1970s. That encouraged the Marcos regime to become more aggressive in seeking foreign borrowings to finance a wide range of industrial projects in the country. The Marcos administration went into massive spending sprees on infrastructure projects (roads, bridges, irrigation, dams and communications) and on the development of indigenous energy sources. Financing for these programs, as well as for 11 major industrial projects designed ostensibly to push the economy toward industrialization, was secured from the international capital markets, then overflowing with petrodollars. In 1972, however, there was a dramatic change in the political landscape when Marcos, near the end of his second and last term as president, declared martial law—widely regarded now as a move to perpetuate himself in power and stem the tide of discontent that had been caused by rising unemployment and a surge in consumer prices after massive overspendings his government incurred in the 1969 presidential elections, exacerbated by a devaluation of the peso in 1970. Early in the martial-law regime (which remained in force until 1981), Marcos moved to open the economy to foreign investment. He clamped down on labor dissent to give an appearance of stability in industrial relations. He changed economic strategy from the previous concentration on the export of natural resources to an industrialization initiative that relied on external borrowings.

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As a result, from only $2.1 billion in 1970, the Philippines’ foreign debt level rose to $3.8 billion in 1975 and $12.7 billion in 1980. By 1983, when capital flight forced the Marcos regime to make an accounting of the nation’s foreign debts prior to securing additional obligations, the total had reached $25 billion. On the trade front, the Marcos regime moved toward export orientation through the establishment of enclaves, export processing zones and bonded warehouses. These operations, critics argue, generated only minimal related activity and net gains for the rest of the economy, given that local value-added in their products was low because import content accounted for most of their costs. With the authority of martial law, the Marcos government also took an increasingly interventionist role in the economy. Through decrees, the strongman dispensed monopoly privileges and behest loans to individuals closely associated with him, their enterprises buoyed up by extraordinary financing privileges from state banks. Effectively that elbowed out other, probably more efficient industries from such financing.” I also posted Lee Kuan Yew’s statement about Ferdinand Marcos on my wall. This narrative comes from his autobiography From Third World to First. He stated: “It was not until January 1974 that I visited President Marcos in Manila… Marcos received me in great style... I was put up at the guest wing of Malacañang Palace in lavishly furnished rooms, valuable objects of art bought in Europe strewn all over. Our hosts were gracious, extravagant in hospitality, flamboyant. In Bali in 1976, at the first ASEAN summit held after the fall of Saigon, I found Marcos keen to push for greater economic cooperation in ASEAN. To set the pace, Marcos and I agreed to implement a *****eral Philippines-Singapore… to promote intra-

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ASEAN trade…I was to discover that for him, the communiqué was the accomplishment itself; its implementation was secondary, an extra to be discussed at another conference. He once took me on a tour of his library at Malacañang, its shelves filled with bound volumes of newspapers reporting his activities over the years since he first stood for elections. There were encyclopedia-size volumes on the history and culture of the Philippines with his name as the author. His campaign medals as an anti-Japanese guerrilla leader were displayed in glass cupboards. He was the undisputed boss of all Filipinos. Imelda had a penchant for luxury and opulence. When they visited Singapore…they came in style in two DC8’s, his and hers. Marcos, ruling under martial law, had detained opposition leader Benigno (Ninoy) Aquino, reputed to be as charismatic and powerful a campaigner as he was. He freed Aquino and allowed him to go to the USA. As the economic situation in the Philippines deteriorated, Aquino announced his decision to return. Mrs. Marcos issued several veiled warnings. When the plane arrived at Manila Airport from Taipei in August 1983, he was shot as he descended from the aircraft. International outrage over the killing resulted in foreign banks stopping all loans to the Philippines, which owed over US$25 billion and could not pay the interest due. This brought Marcos to the crunch. He sent his minister for trade and industry, Bobby Ongpin, to ask me for a loan of US$300-500 million to meet the interest payments. I looked him straight in the eye and said, “We will never see that money back.” Moreover, I added, everyone knew that Marcos was seriously ill and under constant medication for a wasting disease. What was needed was a strong, healthy leader, not more loans.

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In February 1984, Marcos met me in Brunei at the sultanate’s independence celebrations. He had undergone a dramatic physical change. Although less puffy than he had appeared on television, his complexion was dark as if he had been out in the sun. He was breathing hard as he spoke, his voice was soft, eyes bleary, and hair thinning. An ambulance with all the necessary equipment and a team of Filipino doctors were on standby outside his guest bungalow. Marcos spent much of the time giving me a most improbable story of how Aquino had been shot. With medical care, Marcos dragged on. Cesar Virata met me in Singapore in January the following year. He said that Mrs. Imelda Marcos was likely to be nominated as the presidential candidate. I asked how that could be when there were other weighty candidates. Virata replied it had to do with “flow of money; she would have more money than other candidates to pay for the votes needed for nomination by the party and to win the election. He added that if she were the candidate, the opposition would put up Mrs. Cory Aquino. The denouement came when Marcos held presidential elections, which he claimed he won. Cory Aquino disputed this and launched a civil disobedience campaign. A massive show of “people power” led to a spectacular overthrow of a dictatorship. The final indignity was on 25 February 1986, when Marcos and his wife fled in USAF helicopters from Malacañang Palace and were flown to Hawaii. There was no reason why the Philippines should not have been one of the more successful of the ASEAN countries. In the 1950s and 1960s, it was the most developed, because America had been generous in rehabilitating the country after the war. Something was missing, a gel to hold society together. The people at the top, the elite mestizos, had the same detached attitude to the native peasants as the mestizos in their haciendas in Latin America had toward their

376 MIRROR OF MIND peons. They were two different societies: Those at the top lived a life of extreme luxury and comfort while the peasants scraped a living, and in the Philippines it was a hard living. They had many children because the church discouraged birth control. The result was increasing poverty. Something had gone seriously wrong. Millions of Filipino men and women had to leave their country for jobs abroad beneath their level of education. Filipino professionals are as good as our own. Indeed, their architects, artists, and musicians are more artistic and creative than ours. The difference lies in the culture of the Filipino people. It is a soft, forgiving culture. Only in the Philippines could a leader like Ferdinand Marcos, who pillaged his country for over 20 years, still be considered for a national burial. Insignificant amounts of the loot have been recovered, yet his wife and children were allowed to return and engage in politics.” While Lee Kuan Yew brought Singapore from poverty to wealth, Ferdinand Marcos did the opposite for the Philippines. Yet his son Bong Bong Marcos who is currently a senator had the gumption to say, “If there was no EDSA1, if my father was allowed to pursue his plans, I believe that we would be like Singapore now”. Ash Usman Ibrahim is a Muslim from Marawi City in Mindanao. She is currently working in Doha as an overseas Filipino worker. One day she sent me a message on Facebook asking where she could find the free EBook for Warriors of Heaven. In her narrative, she added, “Did you know your books have become viral?” I didn’t know my autobiographies have become an epidemic on the Internet, but I know many members of the young nation read them. Some college students told me they download the free EBooks from my website. They said they keep the PDF files on their mobile

377 MARLENE AGUILAR phones. This way they can read my books anytime especially during lunchtime or when they’re traveling by car or public transportation. One of my many readers is Riselle Quiambao Gines, my newfound soul child. She was born in Quezon City but grew up in Infanta, Quezon, which is north of Manila. She is twenty-one years old and she is a voracious reader. She is currently reading Condemned by Millions. Beginning December 2013, she has become very active on my Facebook. She likes to quote narrative from my books as her headline, copied to me. I really enjoy being reminded of words I’ve written in the past. Today, January 7, 2014 is my son Jason Ivler’s birthday. I haven’t spoken to him or seen him since I returned from Grand Turk in July 2012. You are probably asking why that is. It is best for Jason and I to be apart. Otherwise, the powers that be, meaning the Illuminati would use me against him and vice versa. My sister Aida who lives in the US told me, “I can’t believe you can walk away from your son just like that.” My sister is a scientific genius. She could never fathom the world of Gabriel, Marcus and Caesar. She could never fathom the world of the virgin apes in Washington DC who have tormented me for over six years now. So how could she possibly understand my actions involving the world of treachery, deception and murder laid out for me by the power that rules the world? Going back to Riselle, this morning she posted this narrative on her Facebook wall and mine. “I was forever searching. I was forever lost, until I met you. When you said you loved me, I had this overpowering belief that you really did. I felt it. It was such a foreign concept for me; it was so surreal. It is not because you’re rich, or intelligent, or generous, or brave, but because for some unfathomable reason my inner voice told me that

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your love for me is genuine. So as cliché as it may sound, you have given me direction. I now have reason to believe that a highly intellectual human being such as you could love someone like me. And for once, for once in my life, I felt that I was no longer ordinary. I am now someone special. And maybe someday I won’t just be special, but maybe, just maybe, I may become someone great. I have this unshakable, unwavering faith that someday, someday, I will be like you. I have found myself a teacher. Like you, I only allow very few people close to my heart, because it is really hard for me to trust anyone.” My soul child Jordan wrote this passage. I weep every time I read his writing. I haven heard from him since June last year while I was in Sri Lanka. But I keep his spirit close to my heart constantly. Moreover, I will love him always. Riselle has been in contact with me via Facebook since early December when she first posted a comment on my wall. Here is a poem she wrote entitled Berdeng Dragon. Berde is the Tagalog word for green.

“Berdeng Dragon Berdeng dragon mula sa kalangitan, Bumaba sa kalupaan. Isa kang alamat na taglay ay pinaghalong kabutihan at kasamaan.. Balanseng nagmulat sa aming kamalayan.

Berdeng dragon na handang buhay ay ibuwis, Di alintana ang dugo’t pawis.. Makuha lamang ang minimithing gintong butil ng mais.. Para sa mga kababayang kay tagal na nagtiis.

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Pinanday ka ng mga pagsubok Pinatibay ng sistemang bulok Ngunit gaano man nila naising ikaw ay matapilok Wala silang magagawa sapagkat tadhana mo na ika’y maluklok.

Berdeng Dragon, ikaw na sugo ng langit.. Malapit mo na silang madagit. Oras na upang sila’y maipit. At kainin ng mundong mapagtimpi ng galit.

Ikaw ang Berdeng Dragon Na simula at wakas ng bagong kinabukasan. Berdeng Dragong nagtataglay ng mga bilang na 696, bilang ng kalangitan.. Salamat sa iyong pagmamahal sa ating Inang Bayan.

Sa ngalan ng ina, amen. Mahal ka namin ‘nay Marlene Aguilar”

She signed her poem, “Sa ngalan ng ina, amen. Mahal ka naming ‘nay Marlene Aguilar.” In English that means, “In the name of the mother, amen. We love you mother Marlene Aguilar.” I asked her if I could include this poem in this chapter and she agreed. Then I told her I wouldn’t even try to translate the above in English, but I’d give my readers her contact number in case they wanted the English version. The following day, she sent me the verse below.

“Green Dragon Green dragon of the east Some see you as a beast

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While for us you are the best Adoring you and your vest

Green dragon, fearless goddess The time has come for the world to witness You will rise above the others And destroy them with your greatness

You oh, our beloved will bring this nation down You will kill it and its clown Thus, making its cronies frown Surely all of them will drown

Green dragon, mighty warrior May your pure heart be your armor Your soul be your valor And your mind as the sailor..

May it be by land, air or sea You will empower the mighty e Giving all of your energy As foretold by Paulie

Brave warrior of heaven You will then turn this era golden This poem is made for you as a token A remembrance of your omen”

I would also like to share with you this story written by this soul child of mine.

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“The Legendary Green Dragon Once there was a girl named Maya who was born with freedom. At her young age, she was very aware of their landlord’s cruelty and unjust treatment against the people. She would often ask her parents especially her father why such things existed. Her father’s consistent reply was, “Maya, instead of asking silly things, why don’t you help your mother clean the house?” She would smile innocently and obey her father but in her heart she knew that someday, the answers would come to her. Years passed and she became a very fine lady. The town’s people called her “Green Dragon” because of the tattoo she painted on her arm. That was her way of showing her father she defied his wishes for her to marry the landlord’s son named Gabriel. “No one owns me, no one will ever own me,” were Maya’s exact words to her father the day she ran away from her planned wedding. She ran away to the mountains and there she formed a group whose main purpose was to free the people from those who oppress them. It was called “She Dragon” because the members were all girls. Her best friend and adviser Paulie suggested the name. On the day of the revolt, Gabriel and Maya fought each other. The clashing of dragons began. The black dragon versus the green dragon battled with their swords. People fought for their freedom. It was a bloody battle. Many died and lost their loved ones. When Gabriel was about to defeat Maya, there was a loud and raging sound that suddenly came from heaven. Maya was struck by lightning! Instantly, she transformed into a green dragon and flew to the sky! Upon seeing this, the landlord’s men surrendered. Gabriel took his life. Paulie became the town’s adviser. And Maya, the green dragon protected the people since then. It was foretold by the oracles of centuries past that the green

382 MIRROR OF MIND dragon would come back to lead her people again. They prophesied that the legendary green dragon would be reincarnated in the east to lead once more and fulfill the cycle of her destiny on earth. But only the true warriors of heaven can tell when. THE END.”

I do not speak Tagalog and I am not proud of it. My parents spoke in Ilocano at home when we were growing up so my command of Tagalog is poor. I left the Philippines to live in the US when I was a teenager. I lived in Massachusetts. At the time I was the only Filipino living in the town of Sterling. Eventually, Rob hired a nanny from the Philippines. However, she came from Cebu so she couldn’t speak Tagalog well either. So, during the eleven years I lived in America, I rarely spoke to anyone in Tagalog. I speak it better now, thanks to my Facebook friends who comment on my wall in pure Tagalog. Recently, I received a message from my son Colby who prefers to call himself Colby Aguilar. He wrote it in perfect Tagalog. I was astounded. Later that day, I posted this message on my Facebook wall as my headline. By the way, he lives in the US. “I just received a message from my son Colby Aguilar. My god! He is half American. Why does he speak Tagalog better than me? I’m so proud of how well you can speak Tagalog, Colby. I really am. You never f’cking cease to amaze me.” His Filipina girlfriend Liry Shayne commented. Here is my conversation with her. Her narrative is in Italics. “He fooled me before Tita. I didn’t think he could speak Tagalog so I carried on in English. LOL!” “I was amazed with his Tagalog. I feel awful because I don’t speak it as well as he does.” “Even Filipinos here are surprised when he speaks, even at work.

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He says he wishes he could speak Ilocano as well.” Here are more quotes from Riselle, which she posted on her Facebook wall copied to mine. “He said, ‘I want nothing from you or my grandparents. You’ve done so much for me already. Even if I tried for the rest of my life to pay you back for all the good things you’ve done for me, I will never be able to repay you. Give it to Maya. She’s so small and fragile. Give it all to her. Give me nothing.’ - Jason Ivler, excerpt from Bringer of Death” “’Do you want some tissue?’ she asked lovingly. ‘Are the bad cops with the big guns making you cry? I’m going to grow my nails you know. Next time they come, I’m going to scratch their eyes out.’” - Maya Aguilar Pollard - excerpt from Bringer of Death” My other soul daughter Aimee Rivadillo saw this last quote about Maya. She commented and wrote, “I remember more than three years ago, I ran away from home because my Mom hit me. I went straight to the ‘nay Marlene’s home. Maya and I were taking a bath together. Suddenly, she asked, ‘Ate Aimee, do you still love your parents even though they beat you?” I said, ‘Of course.’ She answered, ‘Well, the next time your Mom beats you again, tell her I’m going to be so angry at her!’” Maya was only eight years old at the time. She is eleven now and growing more beautiful and braver by the day. Riselle found a note from Colby’s Facebook wall. She quoted him also. “’Her calling me “Wawo” reminds me that she’s my little sister that changed my life. It reminds me how much she means to me. My catalyst. I love you, Maya.’ – Colby Aguilar, from his note, Catalyst: Why Maya Calls Me ‘Wawo’.” Here is Colby Aguilar’s short essay entitled, Catalyst: Why Maya

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Calls me ‘Wawo’, dated September 10, 2011. “This is to address the question as to why Maya calls me ‘Wawo’, as well as other things. I don’t think a lot of people realize just how much I love my little sister. I wasn’t the easiest person to get along with in my teen years; or any years prior for that matter. I, as it still stands, just didn’t like the world all that much nor the people that inhabit it. Due to this, I got into a lot of shit that wasn’t worth getting into and was an overall burden to my surroundings. My mother and me fought a lot. We couldn’t be under the same roof more often than not and I tended to stay away from home as much as I could. Usually coming home for clothes or what not, a fight would erupt on contact. When my mother was pregnant with my sister, I don’t know what her take on this is, but from my understanding, sa akin siya naglihi, If anyone can translate that, have at it. I mean, she’d wake me up three in the morning telling me she wants taho or halo-halo or some random fruit that was just impossible for me to get, and if for whatever reason I did manage to find such things, she didn’t want them anymore when I got home. Anyway... I don’t know why, given our relationship at the time, she asked for help naming my sister. I thought of Maya during this conversation as she would be the smallest, but would be a survivor. Those things just don’t seem to fade in numbers after all. My mother liked it. That’s what she named her. When my sister was born, it sent more of a shock into my system than I could have ever anticipated. My anger towards things in general didn’t necessarily cease to exist, but was overwhelmed by this new entity in my life. This little red ball of life was my little sister. I stared at her in her crib when my mother came home with her from the hospital and took a long hard look at myself. I thought a lot

385 MARLENE AGUILAR about things, about myself as a person and the negative outcomes that occurred as a result of my actions. I wasn’t what I thought a little sister would consider ‘a good older brother’. I didn’t want my little sister growing up trying to look up to me but then look straight back down realizing there wasn’t anything worth seeing. I realized then I needed to change. When no one was around I’d just sit by my sister’s crib and sing at times. It helped her sleep. From this point my mother and me stopped fighting. I tried my best not to incite or react to anything that I consider hostilities. This wasn’t enough of a change for me, and one dinner a conversation occurred between us. Though it might have been suggested jokingly at the time, I agreed immediately when she suggested I should stay with my Uncle Tony in Sweden for a while. My mother suggested I needed an adult male role model or whatever to rehabilitate me in a sense. She also said my uncle would be able to relate to my personality and actions having gone through similar things in his younger years. The day I left for Sweden my sister cried furiously. I had to go and I guess she felt me leaving. I told my mother I loved her. Before I left, I said “Bye Maya. I love you.” I kissed her forehead and got in the car. I heard her crying until the car finally pulled out of the driveway. It killed me. Around a couple of years later I returned home from Sweden. I was what I consider a better person than I was when I left. My sister, however, wanted nothing to do with me at all. She’d leave the room when I entered. She’d go “hmph!” when I’d talk to her. It was like she hated the very being of me and I had no idea why. It hurt, but I still tried to be there and alleviate this hatred she had for me. Every time I did try, her yaya would say “Bakit ayaw mo sa kuya

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mo? Gwapo naman siya ah.” Maya would go “hmph!” as she always did and walk away from me. For months, this was the epitome of me and my little sister’s relationship as siblings. One day, I was going to leave on a trip. I had my bag packed and I went upstairs to let my mom know. My mother was lying in the living room and my sister was coloring a book on the coffee table. I told my Mom I was going and she said okay. We said our usual goodbyes. I kneeled, kissed my little sister’s forehead and said “Bye Maya. I love you.” I got up picked up my bag and walked away. I heard a tiny high-pitched voice scream behind me and yell “Wawo!!!” I turned around and saw my sister crying. She ran to me, hugged my leg and wouldn’t let go. I had no idea what was wrong. My mother shrugged her shoulders not knowing what was wrong. I suppose she thought I was going away like I was when I left for Sweden. My guess is she hated that I left her the first time and that incident reminded her of it. I couldn’t bear to leave her like that. I stayed and spent time with my sister. We’ve been close ever since. “Bakit ayaw mo sa kuya mo? Gwapo naman siya ah.” She heard this so many times that she knew me as “Gwapo” and “Wawo” was what she thought the word was or how she pronounced it at the time. Maya calling me “Wawo” reminds me that she’s my little sister that changed my life. It reminds me how much she means to me. She is my catalyst. I love you, Maya.” “Bakit ayaw mo sa kuya mo? Gwapo naman siya ah.” In English, this means, “Why don’t you like your brother. He is handsome.” The word guwapo in Tagalog came from the word guapo in Spanish, meaning handsome. Maya calls Colby Wawo to this day. Riselle read Colby Aguilar’s essay on the Filipino Patriotic Oath

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called Panatang Makabayan, which he wroe on January 4, 2011. She requested that I include it here so other Filipinos would read it. Here it is. “They changed the Filipino Patriotic Oath: Panatang Makabayan. To my sheer disappointment, they changed the Filipino Patriotic Oath: Panatang Makabayan. Here are some notable changes. Original version - “Ako’y kanyang kinukupkop at tinutulungan upang maging malakas, maligaya at kapakipakinabang.” (She nurtures me and helps me to be strong, happy and useful. She, meaning the Philippines.) New version - “Kinukupkop ako at tinutulungang maging malakas, masipag at marangal.” (She nurtures me and helps me to be strong, industrious and honorable.) Are Filipinos so incompetent in their speech that they can’t speak old Tagalog? They did this a few times, but my biggest problem is: Original version - “Paglilingkuran ko ang aking bayan nang walang pag-iimbot at nang buong katapatan.” New version - “Naglilingkod, nag-aaral at nagdarasal ng buong katapatan.” Are you fucking serious? I grew up reciting the old version. What it meant to me was “I will faithfully serve my country unselfishly.” And the new version says, to now “I will serve, study and pray faithfully” Why did these idiots attempt to fix what wasn’t broken in the first place? Fuck if I know. But if bombs start dropping, I’d rather have people fight than pray faithfully in school with all of their being. They probably changed it because the corrupt motherfuckers in the government can’t serve their country unselfishly, and they think prayer will atone for their actions. Good luck with that.” Later this afternoon, someone sent me this narrative written by

388 MIRROR OF MIND a Muslim girl who goes by the name Natalie Bautista, which she posted on her Facebook page. She wrote: “If you, my Muslim brothers will see yourselves and your inner selves free from the corrupt environment that encloses you, you will surely receive the highest achievement none of you have ever known. Look closer at yourselves. Are you satisfied feasting your eyes watching your favorite television networks that deceive you? Are you satisfied paying questionable electric bills? Are you left with enough food in your old refrigerator? And for those of you who can afford to buy the clothes you want, drink a bucket of beer in the bar and spend your weekend in a classy hotel, the question is - do you care about our Muslim brothers who try to survive in the wilderness with no food and medicines? Do you care about your relatives running for their lives on the mountain slopes, hiding inside cold caves away from their families and friends? Do you care about our Muslim heroes who because of their thirst for FREEDOM have been deceived by our self-centered leaders many times? Do you care about our Muslim heroes who because of their thirst for FREEDOM have been deceived like toys by our Fil-Am government? Freedom is a very simple word. But it is the purest gift I have asked god for several decades now. I seek freedom from the political system partly designed by Americans for their own and greedy purposes. I seek freedom from the elite and egocentric Filipino leaders that treat us unfairly. I seek freedom from the Philippine rotten political ideology. I seek liberty that has new meaning, because this new liberty shall be molded from a true revolution if necessary. And this newfound freedom born out of our rebellion shall be imprinted in every brick that makes up the foundation of the true Filipino spirit. This new

389 MARLENE AGUILAR liberty shall start from you, from your family, from your friends, from your friends’ friends – from all of us! Before I go, I would like to state that, if Marlene Aguilar is a bitch, she’s a bitch with a brain. And PNoy our president is a saint with no brain at all!!!” Nathalie’s statement is her reaction toward the supporters of the Philippine president who is a full-blooded Chinese and who is guilty of treason against the Filipino people. Netizens call his supporters the yellow army. Members of the yellow army constantly attack me on the Internet calling me a bitch and the president a saint. On December 21, news came out on the Internet regarding my protest against my government. The report quoted statements I posted on my Facebook wall. The broadcast came from this link, http://www.freedistrict.com/news/nation/politics/philippine-news- marlene-aguilar-calls-nationwide-protest-6090.html. The report came with a photograph showing my supporters and me rallying in front of Supreme Court. This was taken when we protested against the cybercrime law. The photo showed my baby dragons and me with both our arms stretched up in the air showing our middle fingers in front of a tarp with the president’s face. The tarp has the image of Noynoy Aquino and the word IMPEACH under his face. Upon reading this newsflash, I thought that it smelled to me like someone working for the US government wrote it. It’s amazing how the CIA tries to control all sides of the fence to empower chaos. The headline stated: “Philippine News: Marlene Aguilar’s social media group is calling for a nationwide protest against the Philippines’ government on Jan 25, 2014.” The narrative went on saying:

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“The Marlene Aguilar Facebook group is calling for a nationwide protest on January 25 of 2014, tagged as the biggest Philippine protest march, early next year. A call for a Philippine Revolution to impeach Philippine President Benigno Aquino III, allegedly guilty of plunder and crimes against humanity, the group said. The cry of Ms. Aguilar and the group is: ‘REVOLT! Revolt because it is the only way to save the Philippines. Revolt because I am there to lead, and I have no fear’. ‘I would face and fight the leaders of the Philippine government in hand-to-hand combat. I will do it for the poor. If I could bring them down in one round, they should RESIGN. But none of these scum bags, none of these maggots have the courage to fight me one on one,’ Marlene Aguilar stated on her social media site. The group has been protesting against the government’s Cybercrime Prevention Act of 2012, and has an online petition circulating which explains why they are against the law, and calls for the impeachment of Philippine President Benigno Aquino III. Marlene Aguilar says she has no interest in politics, reportedly she has been pursued by the U.S government to take a political seat, endorsed as the Philippine’s next leader. A revolutionist, Ms. Aguilar has received awards and citations from all over the world for her books defending Philippine art and culture. This includes endorsements from the UN representing 193 countries for her environmental book. ‘To be a good leader requires not only a fine understanding of the laws of the land and the best practices for managing a bureaucracy. A good leader must also know the prevailing theories and principles of managing an economy, not only in application to one’s country but also in relation to current world affairs. So much for providing the material needs. To lead well also demands a great understanding

391 MARLENE AGUILAR of one’s people, not only their needs but also their weaknesses, their compulsions and, most importantly, their relations to the natural world that ultimately rules over all,’ she has written. ‘IF YOU don’t kill the government soon, then the Philippines will forever be in pain and in tears. Your children and their children would suffer greatly. And it would be your fault because you did nothing about it!’ she has stated. Marlene Aguilar reportedly has hundreds of thousands of solid supporters on social media, and she went on a protest march a year ago for her son Jason Ivler, who is allegedly locked down by the CIA, demanding from her a political run for office, according to sources close to her.” What do you think of this news? I think someone working for the agency wrote this article. I find it interesting how the CIA tries to control all sides of the fence.

392 Chapter 6

My God is I

On the 5th of January, I received this message from someone who lives in Mindanao, an archipelago located in southern Philippines. It is where our Muslim brothers and sisters live. Our conversation is below. “Hi Marlene…If we start a revolution, are you willing to be our next president? If so, would you push for radical reforms?” “Yes. Radical reforms are absolutely necessary at this point in Philippine history.” “Then we will support you all the way. You are the kind of leader we are looking for.” “So it is done. The old government is good as dead. We will start a new one, the kind that will ease the suffering of the poor and bring the Philippines to a golden world. I have no problem getting what needs to get done. I wouldn’t hesitate.” “That is my long time dream, a dream of finding a leader who will save all Filipinos from the quagmire of the old rotten system and start anew, start a new Philippines in the name of justice and prosperity.”

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May God bless you Marlene!” “All I know is all forces of heaven and hell smile upon us. Darkness can only reign for so long. Then light comes. A new dawn is born.” Filipino netizens constantly assault politicians and celebrities on the Internet. And they love to attack Senator Nancy Binay, the daughter of Philippine Vice President Jejomar Binay. Freedom fighters on the Internet loathe the Binay clan, including Jejomar Binay Jr. who is Mayor of Makati City. However, I don’t know anyone they batter more than Nancy Binay. She wasn’t blessed with good looks at all. People shine from within, which is why this politician does not shine at all. I believe her external presence is a reflection of her inner self. So her detractors continually say derogatory things against Nancy’s physical appearance including her dark skin. Her enemies would say anything to cause her pain. The Internet super highway is a world of its own. Celebrities and known personalities have their haters and fans. My detractors have attacked me in all sorts of ways in cyberspace, but I also have my supporters who have brought me joy and light. I have learned to accept both. That’s the yin and yang of life. I love my fans and I try not to pay too much attention to my haters. I do my best to ignore them. One day, Riselle Quiambao Gines posted something on my wall. She said, “Someone posted a comment on my page complaining that she’s hurt because people on my Facebook attack the dark skin of Nancy Binay. She is hurt because she also has dark complexion…” Here is my response to this person’s appeal. “I have bronze skin also but it doesn’t affect me that people make fun of Nancy’s dark complexion. I love my skin color and nothing is going to change that. Actually, it doesn’t even move me that my haters call me all sorts of dreadful names in cyberspace. Internet

394 MIRROR OF MIND promotes freedom of expression. I support my haters for hating me as much as I support my fans for loving me. As far as Nancy’s haters, oh well, I support them for hating her, too.” Every year, there is a big religious celebration in Quiapo, Manila involving the black Nazarene. Here is what Wikipedia says about this image of Christ. “The Black Nazarene (Spanish:Nuestro Padre Jesús Nazareno; Tagalog: Poóng Itím na Nazareno) is a holy life-sized iconic statue of Jesus Christ carrying the cross to Calvary Hill in the Philippines. It displays one of the Stations of the Cross during the journey of his crucifixion. The image is one of two statues sculpted from pure ivory and were burnt aboard a ship during the Manila galleon expedition from Mexico leaving the other destroyed. The descriptive name of the sculpture is then taken it being “Black” resulting from the incident that happened. The older and more popular copy belonging to the Recollects was destroyed in Second World War during the Liberation of Manila in 1945. The statue is well renowned in the Philippines and is believed to be miraculous and a religious pilgrimage to many Filipino Catholics. The Black Nazarene is currently in its resting place at the Minor Basilica of the Black Nazarene (colloquially known as the “Quiapo Church”). In honour of the statue, the image is carried and brought around the streets of Manila as an event of the “Fiesta of the Black Nazarene” (Pista ng Itim na Nazareno) displaying the importance of the Holy Stations of the Cross. The event is removed from public procession from its home basilica on two of three annual occasions on New Year’s Day, Good Friday and is only currently being held on January 9 of its firstnovena feast. The January 9th feast was chosen as a date for the original transfer in 1787, the ninth day after New Year’s Day and an enshrinement in the present Basilica is

395 MARLENE AGUILAR commemorated. The event is attended by millions of devotees that crowd the streets of processional route.” After the big celebration surrounding the Black Nazarene in Quiapo, Raffy Gutierrez posted a question on his Facebook wall. He noted how millions of Filipinos come out on the streets to join the Black Nazarene’s fiesta. He asked why the same Filipinos who do this do not go out in public to protest against the government and fight for their freedom. I replied to Raffy Gutierrez’ query and posted my statement on my wall. I wrote: “Raffy Gutierrez, this is my opinion regarding a question you posted on your wall earlier. Please read below. Thank you. Religion is a box. It is an institution that nurtures fear and guilt. It pushes people to follow blindly. Therefore, it is against freedom. The masses belong to that box. That is why the majority of people who would go to Quiapo wouldn’t necessarily march on the streets to protest against the rotten government. These people are afraid to express their opinions. So why should the masses go out and fight for freedom when they don’t know what it is? I don’t believe they would ever have the courage to protest in public. However, I strongly believe there are enough of us who will go out and fight for a better Philippines and that should make all the difference.” Do you remember I discussed Trax’ broken bone in chapter one? Dr. Santos at Orthopedic hospital put a cast around her busted left foot. He told her that it would take three and a half months for her bone to heal. But like Nanay seven said, I healed her after one ritual. So a week after Trax’ first visit to the doctor, she went back to him. During this time, they X-rayed her foot again. The physician was shocked to see her foot had healed. He told her that he’d remove

396 MIRROR OF MIND her cast during her next visit, which was scheduled the following week. I’ve been nagging at Trax to go back to the hospital and get the results of her X-rays. In the meantime, Nanay seven the healer disappeared. Trax called her mobile phone many times but she couldn’t be reached. Trax sent her husband to her home twice, but she was not there. According to her son, she traveled to some far away mountain. She’s vanished like all the other characters in my life like Marcus, Howard Marks, Chris, my friend from the FBI, Eric, Patrick and others I haven’t even mentioned in my books. Here is my conversation with Chief Rod during the second week of January. His narrative is in Italics. “Hi Ma’am. How are you? I’m so happy for you.” “Chief, is that you?” “Yup Ma’am. You have chosen the right people for your future. You chose wisely.” “When you say people, do you mean local or foreign?” “Both.” “Why has the US not sent Gabriel to talk to me?” “They don’t want to send him. They envy him. And none of them here want to come and see you. They fear you. BTW, don’t bother sending Trax to get her X-rays. They got them already. They were all surprised. They couldn’t believe what they saw.” “Tell your handler to send those X-rays to his bosses in Washington DC. He can shove them down their throats. There are a lot of things in this world most people would never understand. And those men in Washington DC wouldn’t understand my gifts if they lived and died a thousand times.” “They took Nanay seven to interrogate her. They thought she was in cahoots with me when I’ve never met the woman in person, but I

397 MARLENE AGUILAR know her soul. This is something no one in the CIA or Washington could ever understand.” “You are the only one alive on this planet capable of such act. BTW, I like your new T-shirts. I saw them on your FB wall. Can we have some?” “Yes, I will send some, just text me the sizes later.” “Last night, a man visited Trax in her home. He’s her old boss from PNP. They tested her again. What did you feed her? Why is she so loyal to you? She said, whatever happens she will not leave your side even if it costs her her life. She said she’d only leave if you fired her.” When I saw Trax the next day, I asked her if she had a visitor that evening. Here’s our conversation. “Yes, somebody was at my house, my old boss. He’s a colonel at PNP. He came so late too. I don’t know how he found my house since I haven’t seen him in a long time.” “What did he want?” “He wants me to go back and work for him. I said no.” “He’s a CIA asset. They sent him to test your loyalty to me. These bastards just can’t accept that you are true to me. How could they when they are all scum?” My conversation with Chief Rod continues. “Ma’am I told Trax we would offer you security during the rally on Jan. 25.” “I wouldn’t feel safe unless they send me the close protection I want.” “Ma’am why did you lend me to them?” “I didn’t lend you to them. You betrayed me so now they own you.” January 12, 2014, here are email exchanges between Gabriel and me.

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“I’m leading a huge rally on the 25th of January. I can’t believe you are not here. I swear you are the worst thing that ever happened to me.” “And the best thing”. “Yes, that’s true. You are the best thing that ever happened to me in hell.” “At least we will be together again there.” “What makes you think I ever left your side, you stupid Nazi? Come and see me, Dwarfy. I need you here. I swear I won’t take you away from your joyless wife whose life is as vital to the earth as the flies in my farm that love the company of shit. I just want to kiss your baldhead and rub your fat belly. Don’t feel so bad about what I said about your wife. I feel that way about most of dumb mankind.” Chief Rod, on behalf of the CIA, continues to cause me pain. I don’t really understand what the bastards seek to gain at this point. Maybe they hate me like I hate them. According to Chief Rod, an agent he works with in the name of Kevin Johnson stole money that they were supposed to use to bribe certain government officials in the Philippines to speed up the paperwork for Jason Ivler’s release. They probably thought I’d pay for the missing money. I think Chief Rod’s handler and his men are trying to extort money from me again. So, I posted this headline on my Facebook wall. “TO CIA DIRECTOR JOHN O. BRENMAN – You may not be aware of this because you’re new. Over the last six years, your agents in the Philippines have ambushed my friends and allies repeatedly. Over the last three years CIA agents and their minions have kidnapped my assets repeatedly for ransom. Why? Is it because I refuse to be the CIA’s puppet? I am not Ferdinand Marcos. I am not Fidel Ramos. I am not Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. I am not

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Cory Aquino. And I am definitely not the Chinese imbecile Benigno Aquino III. I will never be your whore! In addition to the above, in the last three years your agents and their assets extorted money from me repeatedly because of my son Jason Ivler, who was set-up by the CIA, because I refused the agency’s offer for me to run for office. I am posting this on my wall so the US NSA and the world could see what the CIA has done to me. Your agents here are nothing but maggots and scum just like the Philippine president Benigno Aquino III and his cronies, whom you put into power. Something very crucial is going on in the Philippines right now, and your men are still trying to extort money from me. So please, I beseech you to call your station chief in the Philippines and find out what is going on. Thank you.” According to Chief Rod, their boss called for a meeting that evening. The next day, I receive this message from his mobile phone. “Good morning madam. I am one of your followers. I terminated Kevin Johnson. Don’t worry, time will come and we’re going to see each other to discuss your agenda. I want to see the bravest woman in this world. Every message I will send to you will be drafted first and sent to those people concerned about you. I’ve heard about your asset Trax. I don’t know her. But I heard of her bravery. The statement above is a lie. Chief Rod’s handler wasn’t replaced. They sent the message thinking I’d believe. They thought it would pacify me. I wonder what it’s like to be a CIA agent. I wonder what it’s like to live in the name of deceit, murder and destruction. No wonder Marcus is totally fucked. When he joined the agency, he married doom. A moment ago, my editor Josephine sent me chapter four of this

400 MIRROR OF MIND book via email after she had completed some edit. She wrote “I’ve been trying to send this to you since 7pm, but was not able to open my files. My computer has slowed down to a crawl and something is eating at my 1-terabyte hard disc. I had over 800GB available space this afternoon and now it registers at less than 93.7GB and dwindling fast. It’s impossible but true. This is even more bizarre than the phone ringing this morning while we were on the phone, which is also impossible but true. I’m sending manuscript right now during this sudden window of opportunity, then I might have to reformat the entire system. Jo” Meanwhile, Ajax Maharlika flew in from Hawaii to protest with me on January 25, 2014. He was born with the name Brian Estrada. I gave him the appellation Ajax Maharlika, the name he prefers to use today. Before I go on, I would like to quote the narrative below from Bringer of Death. “There was a big crowd of people in front of Quezon City jail when we got there at past noon while the heat of the sun was at its peak. There must have been 50 maggots representing the media l saw scattered amongst the mass of people. Chris Ortiz, a young man who went to school with Jason, and Brian Estrada, a friend of my son, who traveled all the way from Hawaii to offer his support, accompanied me. These two men protected me as we pushed ourselves toward the entrance of the building against the legion of strangers who were pressed against each other skin-to- skin. I wanted to be by the entrance so I could follow Jason closely when they brought him in. The media pushed themselves forward as well, following me. Finally, I positioned myself by the entryway. I stood there with my back pressed against a solid iron door. Both Chris Ortiz and Brian Estrada stood in front of me as my human

401 MARLENE AGUILAR shields, one to my left, the other to my right, protecting me from the people. Suddenly, I heard a girl screaming and cheering at the top of her lungs, “Idol! Idol! Idol!” Instantly, I heard a man’s voice that followed suit, doing the exactly the same, then another, and another. Within a matter of a few seconds, the people chanted the same words in unison, this time the sound came from everywhere fusing as one, “Idol! Idol!” They yelled. Simultaneously, the mob went into frenzy moving as one now, pushing each other harder and harder, toward my son’s direction to get a closer glimpse of him. There was Jason, at the center of it all. There he was, enclosed by vermin. The NBI agents huddled around him, while the masses continued to cheer their champion. There were TV cameras above him, in front of him, behind him. Several photographers pushed themselves forward forcing themselves through the maddening crowd clicking their cameras away. There he was. There was Jason Ivler, my son, encircled by demons once more. Despite his condition, his soul shone from within, and as bright as the rays coming from the sun, fearless as ever, escorted by the very same gruesome men who wanted us dead. And the masses went on and on, claiming their hero for all to see, shrieking wild, and screaming, “Idol! Idol!” There was pandemonium all over. I stood there quiet and in tears. Then, I looked up at the clear blue sky. “Is this your will?” I asked the sun god Ra. Finally, Jason was taken inside the facility. The pestering media were forbidden entry, thank god. At this point, the Bureau of Jail Management and Penology (BJMP) guards in dark grey uniforms had taken custody over him. He was escorted by five of them, with one assisting Ivler, acting as his crutch so he could walk with a little more ease. I followed closely while Chris and Brian stayed nearby,

402 MIRROR OF MIND acting as my bodyguards. We went up three narrow flights of stairs. When we got to the third level of this facility, I saw the inmates. There they were, behind iron bars, thousands of them all over the place, wearing bright yellow T-shirts, which had the word ‘detainee’ printed on the back. Some were directly across us at the other side of the building about 15 meters away, and others were to our left and right. Many more sat together in the open area down below, waiting for Jason’s arrival. The inmates had followed the news. They also hailed Ivler as their hero. Apparently, when they first saw the video on TV showing the shootout, they all rooted for Ivler. Never in the history of the world had one man stood up against 100 heavily armed men. Because of that raid, my son became a hero to so many people in the Philippines, especially the rebels, which include the members of the New Peoples Army in the north, and the Muslims in the south, including all members of gangs nationwide. These Filipinos, just like Jason and myself, have been terribly oppressed by the officials of our government. And they looked up to him; they loved him, because he fought the very same men who had treated them unjustly. He faced the NBI agents without fear. And as soon as they got a glimpse of their icon, they raised their right arms with their fist closed, and together they hailed, ‘Idol! Idol!” Some of them placed their right hands on their chests smiling, while waving with their left hand and yelled at me saying, “Mommy! Mommy!” I waved back and smiled. Ever since that day, each time I visited the jail, the inmates would cheer me on saying, “Mommy! Idol!”, every time I came to visit. Because of the cruelty of the Philippines’ judicial system toward my son, I decided to protest against the government. Soon after he was encarcerated, I posted the article below entitled ‘I will March’ on the Facebook fan page fans created for Jason.

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I Will March

More than two thousand years ago, on this very day, Jesus Christ a Jew, was persecuted by the evil system of Rome. Today, the evil and vile government of the Philippines persecutes Jason Ivler, another Jew. Thus, history repeats itself. Jason Ivler received a gunshot wound from an M16 bullet that pierced his body causing his intestines to explode. These organs remain exposed within his body today. Jason needs another operation to restore his intestines back to normal. Such surgery, according to Jason’s doctor, Romeo Abary, is a very risky procedure, with a mortality rate of up to 50%. However, the Philippine Government’s prosecution has forced the judicial system to send Jason to jail despite his physical condition. It is obvious that the government has placed and continues to place extreme pressure on the doctors of Quirino Medical Hospital, and Judge Balut of the Quezon City Regional Trial Court, to punish Jason and deprive him of his civil and human rights. During the hearing on Tuesday, March 30, 2010, my lawyer Alex Medina informed the QC Court that there is NO LAW in the Philippines that states Jason should be detained in jail under his abnormal physical and medical condition. My lawyer also reminded the court that to send him to prison now would be inhumane. Jason Ivler, a US citizen and former US Ranger from the 1st Ranger Battalion of the US Army, served and fought bravely in Iraq. On January 18, 2010, he was violently arrested in the basement of my home by members of the NBI. During that day, as countless people all over the world witnessed on television and on YouTube, the Philippine authorities repeatedly violated his human rights in

404 MIRROR OF MIND the extreme. Inhumane and uncivil treatment have continued while he has been detained in the hospital. Officials of the evil government of the Philippines continue their inhumane treatment of Jason Ivler. I fear that Judge Balut is now under such extreme pressure from the government that he may no longer be able to protect the civil and human rights of my son. Therefore, I hereby declare that I will march and rally against the evil government of the Philippines. I will march to protect the civil and human rights of my son. I will march to protect the civil and human rights of every Filipino. I will march to protect the civil and human rights of every man, woman and child regardless of their race, regardless of their citizenship, regardless of whether they are rich or poor. I will march to Quezon City Hall of Justice from my home in Blue Ridge. And I will march everyday until they give my son his civil and human rights for LIFE. Marlene Aguilar Holy Thursday April 1, 2010

And so I began to protest publicly against the Philippine government. During the first day of the march, I invited our top supporters on FB to join us. Becca Padilla came and stayed next to me every step of the way. Brian Estrada also stood by me. My nephews and nieces came along with some of Jason’s close friends. My dear brother Tony came too, and never left my side throughout this period of rebellion. Brian Estrada walked right behind me during the rally carrying a huge placard saying “Hanggang Mamatay” which means until death, representing the tattoo on Jason’s neck, which has become a symbol of rebellion among the youth. Many of Ivler’s fans have tattooed the same artwork on their skin. Nate Lacanilao also held a

405 MARLENE AGUILAR large sign displaying Jason’s profile saying, “Fuck the System!” This logo had been printed on thousands of T-shirts, worn by the young nation here and abroad. A few guys in the back held an even larger sign which declared, “DOJ RESPECT JASON IVLER’S HUMAN RIGHTS!” DOJ stands for Department of Justice! Jason prefers to be called Jsin. And so, that is how his true followers call him. Three television networks covered the entire event, and their vehicles and cameras followed us from the moment we left my home until we reached the grounds of Quezon City Hall. Along the way, we chanted, “FUCK THE SYSTEM! FREE JSIN!” Jonan Aguilar, my nephew led the cheer over and over. When we got to our destination, we all gathered in one area in front of the building. I asked my supporters to turn their backs from the hall and face me. The sun came out in full force to witness the event about to unfold. I looked up above speaking to Father Ra in silence, imploring him to stay close by me. I had asked a member of my staff, Jojo Rhodas, to bring an ancient bronze incense burner from our house. I had previously used this intricate work of art as a tool for incantations involving the use of black magic. Jojo placed the instrument exactly where I wanted it, between my supporters and myself. Then, I knelt on the ground, facing the mystical object. It was filled with ashes of blackness. Becca who sat to my left, followed my lead, her soul fusing with mine, knowing, and always knowing. She sensed what was about to unfold. Oh my dear soul sister, who in endless lifetimes has repeatedly stood close to me as my loyal priestess. We faced our audience that stood before us, defiant, displaying their placards of protest. They had their backs to the Quezon City Hall of Justice, while members of the badgering media were cramped behind Becca

406 MIRROR OF MIND and myself. The wolf inside me could smell the stench of their rotten souls, souls forged from hell. Quietly, I closed my eyes turning myself into pure energy, joining forces with all that is, through infinity and beyond. I left my physical form. My soul vaulted into the great divide, floating between the endless forces of yin and yang, a place that has no beginning and no end. And in this place alien to most of you, I summoned the infinite forces of evil and death to embrace me in full force. So I surged once more, but this time, I found myself exactly where I wanted to be. Finally, I found myself at the center of Lucifer’s domain, at the very core of yin, that which empowers the energy of yang. There she was, in all her splendor, glorious beyond compare, the one and only goddess of all evil. She heard my voice from earth. She floated toward me at once, encircling me with her love, Lucifer, my Lucifer. And she took me; she took all of me, inhaling my very essence, corrupting my soul and thereby granting me her powers. Instantaneously, I came back to earth. I opened my eyes, and, there was Becca exactly where I left her. And there I was, kneeling on the ground under the heat of the sun, performing black voodoo, uttering the words, “I curse the evil government of the Philippines to death, along with its cronies.” This ritual has been posted on YouTube, and many people have condemned me as insane. I do not hate my haters for branding me insane. On the contrary, I am grateful to them. Their venomous behavior against me pushes me toward my quiet life and away from the claws of the brotherhood. From that day on I marched seven kilometers a day, through rain, storm and shine, leaving my home at around 6:30 in the morning. And I repeated the same ritual facing the Quezon City Hall. Every day, in my head, I chanted the same invocation, saying, ‘I curse the

407 MARLENE AGUILAR evil government of the Philippines to death, along with its cronies,’ every step of the way. ” Time has passed since those days when I marched from my home to Quezon City Hall of Justice. That was almost four years ago. Brian Estrada stayed in my home during those days, sleeping in Jason’s quarters. He woke up early every morning so we could leave the house at around 6:30 to begin our protest. Brian is bright and sensitive. He was born with an old soul. He was born with the hunger to change the world for the better. We shared deep conversations during the days he marched with me, conversations about spirituality, history, art and culture, humanity, family and friends, the environment, quantum physics, and most importantly, we talked about the future of the Philippines and the world. He never left my side. He stood by me comforting me with his presence and his kind words. I will always be grateful to him for standing by me during the darkest days of my life. One day during our march, I told Brian that one of my favorite characters from books I have read is the warrior Ajax. I also told him I saw him as Ajax. Moreover, I said to him I believe that one day a leader of the Philippines will come and change its name to Maharlika. The latter symbolizes the nobility of our people and our race, whereas the name Philippines is born out of evil. It came from King Philip’s name, the ruler of Spain who commanded his army to conquer my people and my motherland. The Spaniards stole our wealth. They killed our innocent children, men and women. They raped my people in mind, body and spirit. Thus, Philippines is a name born out of plunder, greed, treachery, genocide and rape, courtesy of Spain. Eventually, Brian Estrada changed his name to Ajax Maharlika. The latter is the identiy he uses today. When his son was born around

408 MIRROR OF MIND six months ago, he named him Michaelangelo Rizal Maharlika. Ajax comes from the land of broken toys like me and many of my soul children. He grew up in a violent home. And from his stories, I do not believe his parents gave him much as far as love and guidance. He has two brothers and a younger sister. His father beat his wife and children terribly. One day, his brother came home and thought that the father was beating his mother again. So he attacked his father with namchucks. He beat him so badly, the police came to the house to stop him from further inflicting injury upon him. Ajax’s father was hospitalized after that brutal incident. There are other dreadful stories involving this young man’s childhood but I am not at liberty to write about them. Ajax’s father persecuted him physically, mentally and spiritually as a child. My father did that to me too, but he was also very loving. I mean, when Papang wasn’t being a monster, he was an angel. I don’t believe Ajax’s Dad was very loving at all. When I met Brian four years ago, he was ridden by anger, so much anger. It’s as if he grew up with a big hole in his psyche and he had to fill it up. He was overweight. And when he started drinking alcohol, his personality changed. He changed from man to beast. There was something about him that separated him from other people. Something so dark lives inside him, someone who has the desire to hurt those he loves. While he stayed in the Philippines in my home in 2010, we formed a special friendship. We spent hours each day just talking. He had endless questions about life itself. I answered them. I counseled him. I embraced Brian in my life and mentored him mentally and spiritually. But he did things that I felt were hurtful to me and also Jason, specially when he was drunk. Sadly, I don’t know if he remembers his ill actions after the effect of alcohol in his system

409 MARLENE AGUILAR had passed. On one occasion, a few fans of Jason got involved in an unfortunate situation concerning Brian while they were drinking wine and beer in my garden. Eventually, I severed ties with Brian. I walked away from him and cut the cord that bound us. I thought at the time, it was best for all concerned. Anyway, I had given him all I could give mentally and spiritually. It was time to send him away. Needless to say, we did not part in good terms four years ago when he left my home to go back to Hawaii. So Ajax arrived in Manila late on the 24th of January. Mary Jean, my secretary and my driver picked him up from the airport. Earlier that day, one of my organizers was jailed for the coming protest. His job was to pick up and lead some five hundred people coming from the cities of Malabon and Valenzuela and bring them to meet me at six in the morning. On January 25, 2015, my entire household woke up early to get ready for the scheduled rally. The celebrated photographer, Sara Black arrived in my home at around five in the morning. Sara, Ajax and I had breakfast together. After that, we got into my car to proceed to Monumento, Caloocan to meet my supporters. Rebecca Padilla, Deo Arellano and a family member named Rowena arrived in my home as soon as we left. So my other driver took them in my Toyota forerunner to follow right behind us. While sitting in the back of the car, I tried calling and texting Trax several times. But there was no answer. Apparently, at 2am, Trax was traveling in a car with some members of the Philippine National Police. Chief Rod and his team chased them. In order to confuse her attackers, she didn’t go home afraid that she would be followed. Trax is also one of my top organizers for the rally. Why would assets of the CIA chase her and scare her a few hours before the scheduled protest? Why? I think they wanted to show me how

410 MIRROR OF MIND they could mess with my life further. Divide and conquer. The CIA is very good at that. They fucked with my organizers so people couldn’t come to the rally. You’re probably wondering why the organizers are needed to bring people to the protest. It is because the Filipino masses have been oppressed so horribly they live in dire fear. They do not realize they have the right to fight for a better life. Unless someone leads them, they won’t go to the rally. They are like sheep. They need a shepherd to follow. When we arrived at the meeting place in Caloocan, one of my Facebook supporters named Anne Deakin approached us. “Ma’a m, the others are waiting for you in front of Jolibee at the MRT station,” she said smiling. So, Ajax, Sara, Rebecca, Rowena, Deo and I followed her. When we arrived at the place, I saw a group of people there, most of them representing members of the young nation. I saw my baby dragons Aimee Rivadillo, Anton Abella, MC Baello, Leslie Ann de Jesus and Cyrous Deghan smiling at me while I approached them. Maria Rachelle Manzano and her husband came with their biker friends from the Road Runner Group of Riders. Members of Anonymous Philippines wearing the mask of Guy Fawkes were there as well, along with my Facebook friends Raffy Gutierrez and Ting Galing. I was disappointed that I did not get the numbers of demonstrators I thought would join us. But I recovered quickly from my emotional distress reminding myself that all falls under the will of heaven. At around 8am, we proceeded our march to Mendiola, a road that leads to one of the gates of Malacanang Palace where the Chinese president of the Philippines resides. A group walked ahead of us carrying three large tarpaulins, which were four by six feet in size. One tarpaulin bore the faces of the Philippine President Benigno Aquino III, the Vice President Jejomar Binay and Senator

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Mar Roxas. There is gossip going on around the country that Roxas and the president are lovers. On top of their faces, the words, “KILL THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE” were written in bold letters. Another tarpaulin said, “ SAVE THE PHILIPPINES! KILL THE GOVERNMENT!” The third tarp bore the Tagalog translation of that last declaration. Surprisingly, we had escorts in the back from the PNP carrying radios. There was also a police car from the PNP ahead of our procession that escorted us to Mendiola. I find it so strange that the CIA battered me for six years, and yet they would send their puppets to provide protection for me during the demonstration. When we arrived at Mendiola bridge, the gate was closed. And our pathway was barricaded with large barbed wire. Our group halted at the dreadful site in front of us. I noticed a group of policemen to our right. Upon seeing this, I walked over to one of the officers and spoke to him. Here is our conversation. “What is your purpose for being here?” “We are here to guard peace and order, Ma’am.” “You mean you are here to stop trouble in case there is one? Right?” “Yes, Ma’am.” “I assure you there will be no trouble coming from those people,” I told him pointing at the group of protestors with me. “The only trouble you will get will come from me. So you don’t have to watch those kids. Just keep your eye on me.” After those words, I shook the policeman’s hand. I also thanked him while smiling a big smile before I walked away. Then I approached the group of demonstrators and told them what the cop and I talked about. After that, we placed our tarpaulins on the barbed wires except for one, the one bearing the face of the Philippine

412 MIRROR OF MIND president, Binay and Roxas. We raised that banner high up in the air and burned it. After this ceremonial, we saw another group of protestors in jeepneys approaching the bridge. They represented two political parties called Kilusang Mayo Uno and Gabriela. They proceeded to the other side of the bridge and parked their jeepneys there. Later on, people carrying placards and colorful flags of rebellion got out of the vehicles. They stood together facing the traffic with their banners. A woman carrying a loudspeaker started speaking passionately against the government of the Philippines. And she went on and on and on and on. Raffy Gutierrez, who stood close to me said, I should go and speak as well. I replied saying that I did not want to be associated with any political group. I said we would stay where we were and protest quietly and peacefuly. Over two hours later, our rally ended and we all left Mendiola. Sara Black took photographs during the entire protest. January 26, 2014, Ajax and I left the house past seven in the morning to go to Starbucks for breakfast. This was the first time I took a good look at him since he arrived from Hawaii. How he has changed. The man before me no longer walked the planet earth angry. He was no longer driven by anger. It was then I looked inside him, and I must say that, all in all, Brian had transformed into a better man, a more mature man, a wiser man. He did not speak as openly as he used to, which concerned me a bit. He contemplated more than he spoke. He did most of the listening. I did most of the talking, whereas in the past he spoke as much as he listened. I don’t know if I am pleased about this change about him. After all, he doesn’t’ have to watch his words with me because he knows I welcome open conversations. I wonder if this change in him is the product of a society that nurtures political corrrectness instead of honesty.

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Later on, Steve joined us for breakfast. After that we all went home. After lunch, Ajax and I sat across each other in a room that is about thirty six square meters in size. It is my office and library. I was seated at my desk, which leans against one wall of the room. There is a window immediately to my left. It has sliding louvers made of mahogany on its casement, which we close in the evenings. Before me are books shelves made of hardwood we call Narra, which is also known as Malay Paduak, or New Guinea Rosewood. The stack of bookshelves is over six feet high and they cover four meters of the wall to my left. There are all sorts of paper work on the right side of my working table. There is also a white porcelain image of Kuan Yin about eleven inches in height. Next to it is a small antique bronze sculpture of Kuan Kong on horseback measuring some eight inches in height. Ajax sat on a wooden armchair to my right. Here is our dialog that afternoon. His narrative is in Italics. “Where were you born?” “Seattle.” “What’s that place like?” “Cold and rainy as advertised but there are three months out of the year when it’s nice during the spring and summer.” “How much Tagalog do you understand? When people around you are speaking in Tagalog, how much do you understand?” “Only 20% but I watch people’s gestures and I read their faces so in that sense I get more from the conversation. I feel what’s being discussed.” “You should really try to work on your Tagalog. That’s one of the things I’m grateful to Facebook. Some of my followers speak Tagalog so well. It’s from reading their posts on my wall for the last four years that helped me improve my Tagalog.”

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He spoke with comfort and ease. Then I asked him a question, which would be difficult for some people to answer. “What is the most painful experience you have ever known?” “Loneliness,” he uttered softly looking down at the floor avoiding my gaze. Then he paused for a long time. There was silence between us that was filled with sorrow. It was overwhelming. I remained quiet in my chair, watching him. “When I left this place, I felt I had no one to talk to. I felt everyone abandoned me,” he stated with sorrow in his voice. He continued to evade my eyes. He paused again. There was great silence between us once more. It’s amazing what pain does. Even in its stillness it exudes power from within. It was then I felt the agony in his heart. “I remember being alone in the dark. I felt I was on my own. I felt everyone turned their backs on me. It was really painful. “Are you saying I caused you your greatest pain?” “Yes, you did. You killed me.” “It was necessary. You had to die. Look at you now. You’ve transformed into a better man. Can’t you see? I killed you because I love you.” There was a moment of silence between us again. Then I spoke. “I will ask you another difficult question,” I said gently. “What is your first memory? What do you remember about your very first memory in this matrix?” He suddenly picked up his head to look at me. “That’s tough,” he said. At that point, he paused for a while cupping his chin with his right hand. Then he began to speak again. “I remember being a baby. I’ve been traumatized by so much….” He stopped speaking again. “I remember being inside my mother’s womb. And I remember my father abusing me then…”

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I was so shocked at his words. I wanted to break down and cry right then and there, but I contained myself. In my vision, I saw images of his father beating his mother when she was pregnant, and he remembers the pain. Inside me, Molly reacted to what she heard. She also reacted to the vision I saw. So she screamed and wailed like the child that she is, and the part of me that is forever in tears joined Molly in her mourning. I gathered myself together and continued my conversation with Ajax. “Do you believe you’re picking this up from your memory? Or did your mother talk about your father beating her when she was pregnant?” I asked him. “Yeah,” he answered right away looking me in the eye. “I remember it. I remember that sense of pain while I was in my mother’s womb.” After my conversation with Ajax, I went inside the Indian room and cried. I cry as I type this. I think of all the children in this world. I think of those who are violated and abused by their own parents, the same people who are suppose to love them and protect them. I hope they find strength in their suffering as I do. On the morning of January 29, 2014, Steve, Ajax and I sat in a corner at Starbucks. As usual, I sat against the wall across the counter where the Baristas prepare freshly brewed coffee. Ajax sat to my left, while Steve sat next to me to my right. Then I noticed a tall and dark skinned man in his late 50’s walking toward us. His name is Francis and my partner met him in 1996 when he joined the Asian Development Bank. He is from Fiji. “That guy from ADB is coming to say hello,” I told Steve. Suddenly, the Fijian stopped walking and confronted us. “Did you attend Gnana’s wake?” he asked Steve while gazing directly at him. “Gnana is dead?” Steve asked surprised.

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“Yes, he was killed in Kabul during the bombing,” Francis replied. “I read about the bombing in the news,” Steve stated. “Gnana?” I asked. “My god, that’s Ahmit’s father. Ahmit is like my son,” I added sadly. “Ahmit?” Ajax asked. “Ahmit’s Dad was killed?” “Yes,” Francis replied. “Over twenty people were killed during that Taliban attack and he’s one of them.” After saying the name Ahmit, my mind drifted back when Jsin and he attended Brent International School together. They were good friends. Ahmit was then living with his father Gnana and his stepmother in one of the posh gated communities near Blue Ridge. His mother lived in Boston, Massachusetts. One day he ran away from home and was gone for several days. When I heard about it, I was frightened for the boy so I questioned Jsin. I discovered he was in a house in a village called White Plaines. I heard gang rituals were done in this residence. What I mean to say is, I heard that boys were beaten in this house to welcome them to the gang. In one of my books, I discussed finding a third degree burn on Jason’s upper arm. I believe the procedure was performed in this place. So I went there right away believing it wasn’t safe for the boy to remain there. I remember the house was very dark and depressing. A military man with the last name of Dulay owned the house. He was a crony of former dictator Ferdinand Marcos. I heard he was murdered in jail leaving his wife, Mrs. Dulay and his children. I met Mrs. Dulay when I came to see Ahmit that afternoon. I remember it so clearly now. I parked outside the house and I remember big trees around it. Although, I had heard of Ahmit’s name, I had never met the boy in person before. I found him in the basement of the residence. He must have been only thirteen years old at this time. He was tall and big and dark. I spoke to him for

417 MARLENE AGUILAR a long time and convinced him to come home with me. He did. I spoke to his father Gnana after we arrived in my home. But I didn’t like him at all. That night, Ahmit’s mother called him from Boston. They spoke on the phone for a long time. I don’t know how many days Ahmit stayed with us, but he went back to his father’s home eventually. When I met Steve a few years later, I found out he wasn’t crazy about Gnana either. For me, he’s one of the many people working for international institutions who would do anything to get ahead of the game. When we visited Jsin in Amherst, while he was studying at the University of Massachusetts, Ahmit invited all of us to dinner. During the meal, he told Steve how kind I’d been to him and how he sees me as his second mother on earth. Ahmit has a brilliant mind, but a mind that seeks danger. He reminds me of Howard Marks. He must have inherited his great intellect from his mother. Here is what I found on the Internet regarding the tragedy in Kabul, which I found from this site, http://www.afghanistan- analysts.org/another-red-line-crossed-the-taverna-attack-and-the- killing-of-foreigners-just-because-they-were-foreigners. Afghanistan Analysts Network reported: “The attack on the restaurant La Taverna du Liban, a favourite among Afghans and internationals in Kabul, has hit close to home for many working in and on Afghanistan. With 20 Afghans and foreigners killed while having dinner, it was one of the bloodiest and most ruthless strikes of the Taliban in years. This was an attack on foreign civilians targeted merely for being foreign – a rare occasion in the Afghan war. Kate Clark and Christine Roehrs (with input by Martine van Bijlert) summarize what happened and look at whether the incident may be a game changer, with particular consequences for aid work.

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Yesterday night’s attack (17 January 2014) on the Lebanese restaurant, La Taverna, in Kabul’s Wazir Akbar Khan neighborhood, has left at least 20 people dead - 13 internationals and seven Afghans according to the current count. This was another in a series of, still rare but increasing, attacks on soft and fully civilian targets; this time one that was frequented mainly by international aid workers, diplomats and journalists as well as members of the Afghan government and middle class. As news continues to come in, it has as of now (Saturday evening) been confirmed that the dead included the well-liked Lebanese owner of the restaurant, Kamal Hamade (read an obituary here) and three restaurant guards, 21 year old Amruddin, Ikramuddin and Muhammad Wasim; the resident representative of the International Monetary Fund (IMF), Wabel Abdallah, who was also Lebanese; three UN staff including UNAMA’s senior political officer, Vadim Nazarov, a Russian former diplomat who had worked on Afghanistan since the 1980s, and two women working with UNICEF, health specialist Nasreen Khan from Pakistan and nutritionist Basra Farah (sister of the prominent Somali novelist Nuruddin Farah); 22 year old Haji Amin, an Afghan trader who was back home from Dubai with his wife of a few months, Wazhma; two drivers, Zabihullah, who worked for Jalalabad Customs, and Muhammad Ali, father of seven, who worked for AWCC who were both killed by the blast as they waited outside; a Danish member of the EUPOL mission whose family asked for her not to be named and her British security guard, Simon Chase; another Briton, Dharmender Phangurha (Del) Singh, who was due to stand in elections to the European Parliament in the spring and, along with a Malaysian victim of the incident, Gnanathurai (Gnana) Nagarajah, had been working with the advisory firm Adam Smith International as an adviser;

419 MARLENE AGUILAR two Canadian accountants who had been visiting Kabul to audit development projects, Peter McSheffrey and Martin Glazer; and two Americans who worked at the American University in Kabul, Alexandros Petersen and Lexie Kamerman. The accounts of two of the Afghan kitchen workers who survived suggested at first that none of the diners made it out alive and that the owner ran down into the restaurant with a gun when the blast happened, trying to defend the diners. Later, however, it seemed as if two diners escaped, suggested by the fact that the employers of the two drivers mentioned above are not on the list of the dead. An early statement by Taliban spokesman Zabihullah Mujahed at 21:20 pm on 17 January said that “most of those killed are senior people from the invading country Germany”. So far, however, no German casualties have been confirmed, by either the German Embassy or foreign ministry; according to a statement sourced to ‘diplomatic circles’ coming in during the evening via German media, the German government “now does not expect German casualties anymore.” It had taken a long day until the government came up with at least this careful statement. The German community in Kabul is one of the largest expat communities, with many Germans working with Afghan and international NGOs and governmental development organisations.” Masoud Popalzai and Greg Botelho of CNN reported: “Kabul (CNN) -- At least 21 people—including four U.N. personnel, an International Monetary Fund representative and a British contractor—were killed Friday in a suicide bombing and shootout at a restaurant in Kabul, authorities said. The suicide attacker’s bomb exploded at the restaurant’s gate Friday evening. Two armed men then entered the restaurant and started shooting, Afghan Deputy Interior Minister Mohammed

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Ayoub Salangi said. Afghan security forces killed the gunmen during a shootout, according to Salangi. The Taliban claimed responsibility for Friday’s attack in an e-mail. It said it was payback for an airstrike in Parwan province that caused civilian casualties this week. Four of those killed worked for the United Nations, a spokesman for U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said. They were among a number of casualties from various “international organizations,” in addition to Afghans. Thirteen foreign nationals were among the dead, said Hashmat Stanikzai, Kabul police chief spokesman. Christine Lagarde, the IMF’s managing director, posted a statement online saying her agency’s representative in Afghanistan, Wabel Abdallah, is among the dead. The 60-year-old Lebanese national was named to that position in June 2008. “This is tragic news, and we at the fund are all devastated,” Lagarde said. Paul Ross, the IMF’s mission chief for Afghanistan, remembered Abdallah as a “wonderful, kind man” who was always there for his family, his colleagues and the people of whatever nation he was trying to serve. “He was modest, he was funny, he was warm,” Ross said of Abdallah, who is survived by a wife and daughter. “He was a delight.” Another victim was a British citizen, that country’s foreign ministry said. Relatives of the victim—who was a contractor, not a diplomat— have been notified. The ministry said she is not being named. Afghanistan continues to be the site of sporadic violence, much of it blamed on militants tied to the Taliban, which ruled the country before the U.S.-led invasion after the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

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The international community has been extensively engaged in Afghanistan for more than a decade both with military troops and nongovernmental organizations. Friday night’s attack happened near where many of these NGOs have offices. Friday night’s attack was a “huge shock” to those working there, said Ross, but it won’t deter them from continuing their mission. “I think that many of the people, like Wabel, are dedicated to trying to help countries develop and prosper,” Ross said. “That’s really part of their life mission statement. And that’s what makes them go to places that are difficult to visit.” Sadly, news such as these are so filtered and sterilized, we would never know the truth surrounding this misfortune. The evening after that breakfast at Starbucks, Ajax and I sat across each other at my dining table. We drank chilled Castillo de Molina chardonnay from Chile. Here is our conversation. “What do you think when you think of Jsin?” “I wonder how’s he’s doing stuck in jail.” “Stuck in jail? He’s not stuck in jail. He’s in jail because he chooses to stay there.” “He can’t go to the beach. He can’t eat out with Diane. He can’t go out to clubs with his friends…” “That’s how you see it. Really? Anyone can go to the beach. Anyone can go out to dinner or go to clubs with their friends. Jason has become the adviser of members of the Al Qaida, the MILF, Abusayaf and the New People’s Army while in jail. He’s counseled leaders of gangs all over the Philippines! And you’re concern he can’t go to the beach, drink out and eat out? Anyone can do shit like that! But not everyone could claim what Jason Ivler has done while in jail!” I would like to remind my readers at this point that Jason Ivler

422 MIRROR OF MIND has never been convicted of any crime. Here is another conversation between Ajax and I. “How would you describe your parents’ relationship when you were growing up as a kid?” “I suppose my parents’ relationship, the way I saw it growing up, was that they were together for the wrong reason.” “What reason?” “They needed each other…I don’t know if there was love there. Maybe they felt obligated to each other and that lead to a lot of problems. I tried to ask my mother particularly or even my Dad. I asked them if there was ever a time they loved each other. They would side step the question and avoid the answer. I’m assuming that they may not have loved each other. Maybe it’s because my mom got pregnant at a young age. My Mom got pregnant at the age of 16. That’s why they got married. My dad told me after they got divorced that she wasn’t his first pick. But when they were getting divorced, it seems he was the one having a hard time with it, like he would miss the way she cooks or the way she looks….” “So they were forced to be together by circumstance.” “Yeah. How could they be married for so long and not be able to express open love for each other?” Here is my discussion with Ajax after he visited my son in jail. “How did you feel about seeing Jsin after four years?” “After four years of not seeing J, to see him yesterday, it’s like nothing changed. I mean things changed, but we kind of picked up where we left off…” “How did he look?” “He looked good. He looked healthy, happy…” “Was it what you expected? Did you expect him to be happy?”

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“I didn’t really know what to expect but it was just nice because the last time I saw him, he was wounded. Things seem gloomy I guess, because of his surgery. That’s what we were fighting for originally. Before it was nice to protest because it was nice to show the power of protest to the community that’s watching. It’s a great feeling. When it came down to it, the bottom line is it was all for his surgery. And to see him recovered from that was a victory in itself.” “It took the judicial system two years to grant him his operation.” “Regardless, of the miscommunications between you, me and his fans, we were still able to reconnect like nothing changed. I suppose that’s a bond and a friendship that’s just everlasting.” The new head of one of the most vital departments at the Philippine National Police is a colonel. We will call him Colonel Pulpol. In Tagalog, ‘pulpol’ means a fuck-up. Furthermore, we will call this section of the PNP Section Four. He was promoted to his position only three months ago. Originally I did not give this officer an alias along with two other policemen involved in this story but with the new change of events, I can’t give you his real name. When the colonel was promoted, he brought his sidekick along with him. We will simply call this man the sidekick or the assistant. In addition, we have a policeman who has been working at Section Four for two years. We will call him SPO3 Juke. It’s been over twenty years since I used a firearm. Recently I bought a 40-caliber gun. I also found a shooting range that would close the place when I come to practice, giving me privacy. So, over a week ago, I sent Trax to the Philippine National Police headquarters to get me a license for my gun. SPO3 Juke is a friend of Trax so he helped her with my documents. Apparently, the paperwork for my gun license mysteriously ended up on the colonel’s desk one morning.

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In addition, he saw the two photos attached to the application. According to Juke, upon seeing my pictures the Colonel freaked. “Don’t you know who this is?” he yelled out loud to two policemen present in the room. “This is the mother of Jason Ivler!” he yelled some more. “Oh my god! She wants a license! If we give this woman a license, she’ll kill us all like she did with the NBI agents!” After this incident, Juke sent Trax text messages. He said, “We didn’t know you worked for Marlene Aguilar. Our boss almost fell off his chair when he saw Ma’am’s photos on his desk. Don’t you know the Colonel is here because of your Ma’am?” That evening, Juke sent Trax another message inquiring about the next public protest. Apparently, this rally is supposed to last for three straight days. He asked, “My boss wants to know if Ma’am is attending the next big rally.” Trax answered, “Yes, but she’s not staying in Mendiola for the duration of the rally without close protection. There are only three men within the US Special Forces she trusts. If they send one out of those three, she’ll stay. If not, she’ll attend the rally but she will leave after she burns the face of Abnoy and Binay on the tarpaulin.” The following day, Trax went to the PNP Headquarters. Colonel Pulpol called her for a meeting. Here is conversation that transpired between Trax and the colonel on January 29, 2014. Trax’ statements are in Italics. “Who are the men in the US Special Forces Ma’am wants to see?” “I don’t know.” “Do you know I owe your boss a big favor?” “Why sir?” “If not because of her, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Did you know why I called for you?” “No sir. Why did you call for me?”

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“Because I want to know more about your boss. I don’t know much about her, but I know about her bravery and intellect. I know some information about her and her son. But I’d like to know what’s she’s like as a boss.” “You know sir, if I had ten lives to give, I’d give those ten lives to protect her. Believe it or not, Ma’am is good to those who are good to her. But if you wrong her, you lose. All her money comes with a curse.” “What?” the Colonel’s eyes turned big and wide at this point. Then he yelled at his staff in the next room to bring him a glass of water immediately. “Yes sir. It’s true.” “I don’t know how many people are dead because of her curse. I’ve been kidnapped over and over again. And you won’t believe this when I tell you, but before all these bad things happened, she knew beforehand. This is why when I’d call her to give her the bad news; she’ll say one thing on the phone to me. She’d say to me, “You don’t have to explain, I already know.’” At the end of her speech, the glass of water arrived for the colonel. He drank it immediately. Then he spoke. “Really? What is she, a living goddess? That’s hard to believe. You may be just making these things up.” “No sir. What would I gain from lying to you?” “You know, your Ma’am’s secretary told Juke, ‘your Ma’am and the US fight and make up and they fight and make up.’ But this is what I know; she’s the one instigating the fight with the US. She’s fighting with them. But they’re not fighting with her. You know, the US boss is a good man. “When your Ma’am goes on a frenzy and she starts cursing them, he tells everyone to leave her be and let her rant. You know how she

426 MIRROR OF MIND is, when she’s on a war path, you’d have to be an idiot to stand in her way.” “Sir, don’t be mad at me but why do you know these things? Do you work for the US government?” “No. I’m just like your Ma’am,” the colonel stated laughing. “Just kidding,” he added, chuckling some more. “How long have you known Ma’am?” “Almost four years sir.” “In those four years you’ve known her, do you have any idea why she faced tragedy over and over?” “No sir. “It’s because your Ma’am and her son Ivler are impossible. When Ma’am cooperates, the son won’t. When the son cooperates, the mother won’t. Do you know mother and son are fighting because of you and me and all of us?” “Why sir?” “It’s like this. I will explain it to you. Their fight has to do with the future of the Philippines. When you started working on Ivler’s case, you met all sorts of government officials, all of them corrupt, but Ma’am worked with them anyway. When they failed her, she forgave them. When Ivler asked his mother, how his case is doing, she’d pacify him and tell him he’d be free soon and she’s doing all she can. She’d say to him his paperwork is being processed. But Chief Rodriquez, Almoro and all the other government officials finagled Ivler’s court papers repeatedly. In the meantime, a lot of bad things happened, involving her allies. “What bad things sir?” “A never ending cycle of ambushes, kidnappings, extortions, deception and set-ups occurred.” “When Ivler found out that the government officials wronged his

427 MARLENE AGUILAR mother repeatedly, they reached a point of great conflict. Ivler told his mother to stop dealing with Filipino government officials. He told his mother to leave the Philippines. They even argued about the military gods in America. The mother refused Ivler’s demands. But Ma’am is all knowing and all understanding. Her mind can embrace the possibility of everything whereas the son is young, difficult and impatient.” “There is no problem of love between mother and son. Ivler comes from a very loving family. The conflict between mother and son is because of all of us. They fight because of all Filipinos.” “But this I will tell you, in the last four years you’ve worked for Ma’am, every government official you worked with harmed you. They used you to hurt her. And she was always there for you. Her actions in the past four years should show you if she’s indeed fit to be a good leader for the Philippines.” “The US made her suffer all sorts of trials you could imagine. This is because she refused to follow. So they tested her over and over. They persecuted her again and again to see if she’d break and surrender. In this way, she exhausted them.” “In the end, the US decided it was best to accept the terms she offered them. In the end, the US decided to accept her agenda. Think about it. Who is she to the US that they would abide by her conditions? The military gods in America must have a lot of respect and admiration for Ma’am for them to give in. “You know I heard she has a secret way of sending messages to the military gods in Washington, DC. She can speak to them directly.” “The next rally will not end without death and chaos. Look at what the US did to this country. They put Noynoy into power and now they plan to destroy him.”

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“As far as Ivler is concerned, when all this has transpired, only then will he understand his mother was right all along.” “Sir, I heard Ivler is the next commissioner of immigration.” “No. Go ask the mother and she’ll tell you she refuses to work with her son. She’ll tell you it’s best for her son to leave the country.” I want to tell you one more thing. When the US told me they’re promoting me to this position, they said it’s because of Ma’am. My job is to protect her. But I really wanted to tell them, how ridiculous that sounds because she’d probably end up protecting me instead.” “Sir, why don’t you just come and see her? I could take you to her home. I think she’d like to meet you.” “Are you crazy? We’ve all been instructed not to meet Ma’am in person, all of us…” “Why sir?” “She will turn me like she turned the others. I’d forget my allegiance. And I’d end up following her every order, like a dog. I’d end up like her dog. No. No. No. I can’t meet her,” the colonel stated shaking his head. “They told me I could only meet her once the job is done. I’m not meeting her. No. I’m not doing that, not until the job is done.” Here ends the Colonel Pulpol’s conversation with Trax. I believe the discussion came with his handler’s blessing from the CIA. Otherwise, would he be in a lot of trouble. After my asset read to me what she wrote on her notebook, I told her this. “Nobody, not even Jason, would understand my relationship with the US. Do you know why they’d let me rant and rave when I’m angry? It’s because they know they’re guilty of violating my human rights repeatedly. They’re also guilty of violating the human rights of my son, including yours. They’re guilty of murdering and tormenting those I love. For what? I’ve done nothing wrong against them!”

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“How could they fucking say they’re not fighting with me when they have tormented me and those I love for six years?” “Of course they’d take my agenda. I made it better for them. My agenda is better than their original version. But I can’t trust these men. They may accept my agenda today, but they may trash it tomorrow. Most of these men have no honor, fucking old cunts!” So the CIA instructed the colonel not to meet with me, otherwise “he’d forget his allegiance.” Let me explain this to you. In the past, the oracles predicted that, “Men who’d want to hurt me would come into my life, but because they would sense my inner self, instead of harming me, they’d end up protecting me.” I think that is true regarding characters in my books representing the US government. My god, all it takes is a grunt with half a mind to see I am genuine. Of course men of honor would decide to protect me from the evil existence of the CI fucking A. When Miss California came to my life, she told me that the US government didn’t want to send a male agent to confront me. So they decided to find a female Intel. She also told me that in the Philippines she is the only female agent in the field. Needless to say, the task was given to a grunt with no mind at all. I can’t work with this she ape, not at all. I’d rather turn her corpse into the earth’s fertilizer. February 3, 2014, I received a private message on my Facebook from my dear friend Gary Daniels. He wrote, “Marlene, hi. I just arrived in Manila. I will be here till Saturday. I don’t have a local number so I’m relying on Wi-Fi. I don’t have your phone number. I hope you are well and I hope to see you.’ As soon as I read his message, I called him. Here’s our conversation. “Oh Princess, you’re back!” “Yeah, just arrived. I’ll be here ‘till Saturday.”

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“I’m going to Makati later for lunch. Do you want me to pick you up?” “No. I have to meet some people for lunch. But I’d like to see you.” “Well, what would you like to do? Since you’d be eating out everyday while you’re here, you might want to eat some home cooked meal. So why don’t you and Kenshiro come over to the house for lunch tomorrow. I will cook.” “That sounds good.” “What would Kenshiro like to eat?” “He misses pork sinigang. Don’t cook anything exotic for me. You know I don’t eat pork and beef.” “And cream and milk. Okay, we’ll make pork sinigang for Kenshiro and I’ll find some Kangaroo meat for you.” I talked about Gary in one of my books. He’s been a friend of mine since the mid 80’s. He was the kickboxing champion of the world after Van Damme. He’s been in a number of movies. He played the lead role for American Streetfighter and Forged to Fight. He’s also in the movies Expendables and Tekken. Gary Daniels and his son Kenshiro came over for lunch the next day. They arrive at around 1pm. I suggested late lunch because I had to do some errands first. Here is part of my conversation with my old friend that day. “I have a new favorite TV series.” “Yeah, what?” “It’s called Strike Back. It’s great.” “Oh yeah. I heard about that. People say good things about it. There are two lead actors, one’s Australian and the other American.” “I suppose the Australian is the actor playing the American role.” “Yes, that’s him.” “You know it’s too bad they have to add all those sex scenes in it.

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It makes the show look cheap.” “But sex sells.” “Jesus, there’s sex every fifteen minutes! And the guy fucks anything with a pulse! A couple of those girls barely looked human to me. What the fuck? They don’t need all that porno. The plots are excellent. The actions are great and the actors are so well casted. Then they add cheap sex. If I see Damien Scott have sex with a hairy woman again, I’ll vomit! Why can’t they make the sex scenes more interesting? They could show more lesbian or gay sex for example.” “But they did show lesbian sex.” “It was shit!” “You just don’t like white lesbians.” “Ha ha! You are a horrible!” The current starring roles for the television series Strike Back are the characters of Sgt. Michael Stone Bridge and Damien Scott. I found the description of their parts from the show’s website. “A clear-thinking and reliable soldier, Sgt. Stonebridge brings strategic clout to Section 20. A family man, he tried to leave Section 20 to focus on his home life, but returned to the team with extra zeal after tragedy struck.” American actor Philip Winchester plays this role. “Scott is a former Delta Force commando whose confidence with a weapon is matched only by his way with women. His cocky style is often at odds with his more staid colleagues, but he always gets the job done.” Australian actor Sullivan Stapleton plays the role of Scott. Except for the distasteful, over done and tired sex scenes played by Stapleton, I enjoy watching this show on DVD. February 4, 2014, Ajax and I sat in a corner near the door at Starbucks. My cushioned armchair rested against the wall. To my left was the entrance. Here’s our dialog this peaceful morning.

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“It’s amazing how you fuck with people’s minds with your writing,” he said smiling. “It’s funny how certain words you say affect people differently?” “You’re right. I fuck with people’s minds.” “One chapter in your book is like the equivalence of twenty chapters.” “Every chapter in my book is a roller coaster.” “Like spending the day with you.” “My writing is the roller coaster of life. I have many different personalities. So there are many different people writing my books, catering to all sorts of psyches out there. And I know I affect them with my writing. Some of my readers are addicted to my writing. I give my EBooks for free. Can’t you see what I’m trying to do? Many members of the young nation are reading my books and they love them. These kids will never be blinded by the rules of society because of the books I’ve written. So many of them write me thanking me because I’ve freed their minds, because I’ve enlightened them. Can’t you see? I’m creating a new generation of Filipinos who are free from mental slavery? Yes! I’m fucking with people’s minds. I’m fucking their minds to freedom.” “Talking about freedom, I wrote a statement on my Facebook yesterday. And my 16 year-old cousin reacted so negatively about the word I used. Then others reacted against it as well.” “What word? What did you say?” “I wrote, ‘Denver were being bullied, spanked and raped by the Seattle Seahawks.” “What’s wrong with that?” “She said the word rape has a sexual connotation against women. My statement is not politically correct.”

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“That’s bullshit. You have the freedom to use words in the dictionary as you see fit. American society is so concerned with political correctness; they’ve forgotten what honesty is.” I checked Ajax’s statement on Facebook. I really see nothing wrong with his headline, but a number of American females attacked him on his wall. I wrote the messages below taking his side of the argument. “What’s wrong with the word rape? We live with it everyday and 24/7. In my life, men have tried to rape me on four occasions but they didn’t succeed because I fought back. However, I see nothing wrong with Ajax’s use of the word rape. In this world, every person must exercise his freedom of speech. That is his human right! You can rape a person not only physically but also mentally or spiritually. In my opinion, political correctness is rape. For me if you are so concerned of being politically correct then it is obvious that the system has successfully RAPED your mind and spirit! Seven billion fucking people who are raping the planet every fucking moment of every day surround us. In that sense we are consumed by the word rape every moment of everyday! So grow up!” Jennifer Killinger commented: “I know it’s a fun word, so juicy and provoking. You want to get a rise. You want to be so cooly un PC. It doesn’t fit, except in that light. I get it. I just think you were lazy with your word choice! If you don’t like thoughtful, articulate, opinionated women, you can go ahead and delete me if that makes you feel better to be more surrounded by people who will only agree with you, but I have tried to be respectful in my disagreement. I don’t know why I’m even wasting my time, except I never thought of you as a person who would be so insensitive, so I was really surprised. Have a good one; all I want is for you to really think about it. Come up with

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some better ways to express yourself. Don’t dumb yourself down; I know you’re smarter and better than that. There is no way for you to come out on top in an argument to use such a fucked up word just for the hell of it. You are in a country where rape is so rampant, and that is truly sad. I hope you are doing as much as you can to help or whatever it was you said was the thing to do instead of participating in this discourse. To then use the word rape as a buzzword is even more insensitive, you spelled that out! Nowhere have you made a good argument, you just sound like a kid, “I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT! SO THERE!” Sarah Chang also reacted to Ajax’s post. She wrote: “As someone who suffers from mental disorders, I understand Jennifer’s point of view. When we take serious issues/events that people deal with and put them in normalizing contexts, we devalue their importance. When we say, “I’m so OCD I like organizing my stuff” or “oh my god, that girl is so skinny she must be anorexic” or “that’s so gay” or “that team got raped so hard,” they are reinforcing incorrect assumptions about these very serious matters. I know that it’s impossible for us as a society to be conscious of every trigger word for every single person, but it is our responsibility to be mindful when we can--to help change the discourse. We don’t have to be in the trenches in order to make a difference. When we change the discourse, we change the entire idea surrounding these issues. We let the person who suffers from binding rituals that they are NOT just quirks. We let the person who suffers from disordered eating know that it’s NOT about being skinny. We let the person hiding who they really are know that their sexual orientation is NOT stupid. We let the person who doesn’t know whether or not to report their assault know that they are in FULL RIGHT to do so. When we change the discourse, we let all these people know that we care and we support

435 MARLENE AGUILAR them with the things they must struggle with for the rest of their lives. So I think it’s an important thing to be conscious of. This is not about freedom of speech. I am not attacking anyone’s freedom of speech (as I have stated before). Say whatever you want, I am just letting you know that that kind of speech is in line with perpetuating rape culture. I am simply here to explain my point of view. This is not about attacking anyone’s right to say what they want. This is about changing the way we talk about sexual assault so our society becomes educated about the reality of sexual assault and so that victims no longer need to consider themselves victims but survivors. But this starts with us. The reason I spoke out today was because I am a survivor and I know what it’s like to feel helpless and alone. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Go ahead and say whatever you want because I’ve said what I came to say. Again, this is not about imposing on another person’s freedom of speech. I am simply asking you to think about this different point of view.” The argument on Ajax’s wall went on and on and on. Finally, I wrote this narrative on his Facebook page. After that, no one commented anymore. I stated: “To rape victims – I know pain. I know tragedy. Each of us will have our own cross to bear in this journey of life. So hear me well. If you do, I will set you free. Let me tell you about pain. I grew up in a violent home. When my son was two years old, an agent of the CIA murdered his father. Why? It is because I did something defiant, but that was a long time ago. Four years ago, a hundred heavily armed policemen and NBI agents in the Philippines attacked my home. My son, a former US Ranger was shot and a bullet of an M16 pierced through his body.

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Afterward, the NBI agents tortured my son in front of me. This is all because of a book I wrote exposing the ugly relationship between the RP and US governments. What I wrote angered the CIA. No mother in this planet was born prepared for something as dreadful as what I saw that day, when they tortured my son in front of me who was bleeding all over my living room. For six years, the US government tormented me and those I held dearest to my heart because I spoke out. I told the truth. CIA assets in the Philippines have kidnapped and ambushed my allies repeatedly over the last four years. In one ambush, a seven year-old boy was shot in the heart. Today, my fight against these two evil governments goes on. My tragedies don’t weaken me. On the contrary, they empower me. And if you think I see myself as a victim, despite all the pain I’ve endured, you are absolutely mistaken. I will fight for freedom with every breath I take until my last dying breath. You were victims of the past, like so many people in this matrix are victims of the past. You are not alone in your fight. You can choose to convert your suffering and tragedy by forging your pain into strength. You cannot do that by worrying about how other people use the word rape in a statement. That kind of limited thinking is diseased. The kind of limited thinking is the product of a society that is ill and lost. That kind of limited thinking will consume you to a life filled with anguish. You cannot gain strength by worrying about how society sees you or how the world sees you. The rules of society are contaminated and sick. They are wrong. The rules of society will make you weaker, not stronger. So, fuck the world. You can convert pain into strength. Believe me, you can. In the end life is very simple. You can choose to see yourself as a victim, or you can choose to conquer your pain, and be free.”

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Culture is a noble and dignified word. It speaks of people’s philosophies, art, music, dance, customary food, traditional costumes, poetry and literature. Culture represents shared beliefs, values and practices of a group of people that has developed through thousands of years for some. Culture is the soul of a nation, the very same cosmic chord that binds a group of people. Is American society so deranged and clueless of culture that they added this sacred word to the word rape? February 1, 2014, here is my headline on Facebook last night. “ONLY FOR THOSE who read Warriors of Heaven - When I was a teenager, Marcus would say to me we have to board a plane to go some place. And I’d ask, “Why? What are we doing there?” He’d answer, “We’re playing chess, using real people. Six years ago, the bastards in DC threw me on the chessboard! My life has been hell ever since. Motherfuckers!” I woke up this morning and found two comments under my statement. Riselle Quiambao quoted a passage from one of my books and posted it under my announcement. She posted the words, “You see for as long as you don’t know such evil exists, you will not matter because you are ignorant of the truth. And I tell you this because this knowledge will set you free. And freedom is power. With this information and with this freedom, you are no longer unimportant. Knowledge will protect you, the truth will give you power. Knowledge makes you important and together, you, the people are a great power to be reckoned with! - Marlene Aguilar”. She also wrote, “Nay Marlene, I hope the free PDF file of your book The Key would be available from your website soon, but I am willing to wait. I know you’re busy. I love you Nay.” Kat Perdiz stated, “Is Marcus still alive? Weren’t you afraid of

438 MIRROR OF MIND him when you met him? I feel you challenged these kinds of people to challenge you. You have had an interesting life.” I replied to Riselle. I said, “The Key should be available from my website soon. I love you too.” To Kat Perdiz, I answered, “Fear? Really? What is that? It amazes me that after reading WOH you’d think that fear drives me. Wow. You don’t enter the kind of life I know if you are a coward. You don’t enter the kind of lie I know if you are afraid. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings but I’m not you or the rest of mankind. I don’t live in fear. The last time I saw Marcus was a few months ago at Café Carusso, an Italian restaurant along Bocobo Street in Makati. He had a bodyguard with him. He ran from me when he saw me. Next time I see him, he won’t be able to run, because I’ll grab him instantly and slam his fat Sicilian ass against the ground! Honestly, I have never been afraid of Marcus!” Michael Stewart read the above link on my wall and commented. Thank god. He said, “Marlene isn’t afraid of him, he’s afraid of her. Fear I believe is irrational. Of all the emotions fear has no real purpose. It hinders our growth and blocks our path to our true destiny. Marlene isn’t irrational or afraid, not now not ever.” Under Michael’s statement, Ting Galing wrote, “Good morning Nay Marlene. I started reading chapter one of The Key last night but got too exhausted. So the next thing I knew I had slept while reading it with my left hand still holding the phone. Anyway I went to a Taoist temple and had myself blessed on New Year’s Day yesterday. I beseeched Guan Yin to rid us of the yellow virus and spare us from further misery.” The following day, he added this message for me on the same link. “I had chapter one from The Key as my breakfast today. Your revelations of what really transpired with the James Holmes’

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incident made me think. Reading about it was a creepy moment. As a whole, his story is an unfortunate reflection of a society taken for a ride by some unscrupulous yet powerful few.” February 5, 2014, Chief Rod sent Trax a text message. He wrote, “Ask Ma’am to give Nanay seven strength. She’s become weak.” I couldn’t believe his message to my female asset. So the motherfuckers at the CIA took the healer. I thought they just frightened her and made her disappear. I didn’t think they detained her. How horrible. Apparently, the bastards from the agency questioned her regarding the two X-rays showing Trax’ left foot. The X-rays are proof that I healed her. Normally, the bone would take three months to mend. However, I healed her immediately after the ritual I performed. Chief said that one of the CIA assets had a heart attack the other day. So they asked Nanay seven to heal him. He got better but the following day, he was very ill again. On the other hand, the healer became weak. She told them she is unable to perform healing rituals again until she is empowered by her source. She told them her powers came from me. After Trax told me this story, I sent Chief Rod this message. “Tell Nanay seven to drink hot water with salt. She’ll get better. Tell her to meditate and go into the void before she sleeps tonight. Why did the US abduct her? She speaks the language of prophets, something the idiots around you could never understand. If they want to understand the two X-rays, they should get a scientist to explain it to them, fucking scum bags!” Chief Rod didn’t reply to these messages. But he sent me a text message saying, “Ma’am why are you pissed off with Trax?” I replied and said, “I love Trax. She knows that. But I get frustrated with her because she acts crazy sometimes. She’s gone insane, but

440 MIRROR OF MIND you’re still more insane than her.” He sent me another message saying, “Ma’am they say Trax will take bullets for you in the future.” I decided not to respond to Chief Rod’s statement above. This morning, after I awoke, I received the following text messages from him at around seven in the morning. He said, “Ma’am Nanay seven is ok now.” “I really don’t know what happened to me Ma’am. Why did I end up like this? All I know is you are the only person who can answer these questions.” “Of course Trax would go nuts. They did so many bad things to her. I envy her because she still has her memory despite the torture she’s gone through. They beat her so badly on several occasions; she pissed and shat in her pants. If you could only see what they did to her….” “Now they’re saying she’s going to be ridden with bullets in your next rally.” The scumbags are implying they would shoot Trax in the next public protest. I sent my replies to Chief Rod. I wrote: “Tell your stupid handler not to bother asking Nanay seven to heal CIA assets. She can’t help them because I gave them the voodoo of death. Their days on earth are numbered.” “Trax can’t die. The US should not allow her death. They need her. Those two X-rays of her foot they keep would help them prove to the world I am the Kuan Yin reborn, as the oracles declared.” “Yes, Nanay seven says Trax will only die with your blessing. But she’ll stop bullets for you. She’ll protect you with her life,’ replied Chief Rod. Outside of Trax’s bravery and loyalty, she can also be very funny. However, her humor was born out of darkness and pain. Before I

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proceed, I would like to share with you this story. One day, Chief Rod and TGO asked Trax to take them to the house of a certain high-ranking government official who lived outside Metro Manila. Let me remind you that the former DOJ official lost a good portion of his memory. Furthermore, he believes that Trax and I could help him recall the missing links in his life. Anyway, the three of them ended up in a car traveling north of Manila one day. TGO drove the car while Chief Rod sat next to him. Trax sat in the back. “Ma’am says I’ve a wife and children but I don’t remember. Every day and every night I think about them but I really can’t remember a thing,” Chief stated miserably. “I wonder where they are,” he continued. “What?” Trax yelped butting in from behind. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You really don’t remember do you? I’m your wife you ugly old man!” she yelled upset. “You are?” the chief asked surprised. “She is?” the other CIA asset asked. “Why didn’t you say so before?” Chief Rod asked confused and dumbfounded. ‘Because your handler told me not to tell you,” Trax said angry. “Plus why should I believe you? You’re probably just pretending you don’t remember ‘cause you’re a cheap bastard and you don’t want to pay child support!” she yelled. Quickly, she picked up the paper folder next to her with her right hand and struck the left side of Chief’s face with it. “You picked me up from the house the other day. Didn’t you see the little girl in the garage, the one walking around bare feet? That’s your daughter you old fool!” she struck Chief again with the same paper folder.

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“We have three kids and they’ve been starving because you’ve failed to support them. I had to give the other two away because I can’t feed them!” She continued screaming like a wild animal. Trax kept up the story until her part of the job was done. As soon as she left the company of the two men, we spoke on the phone. “I told chief I’m his wife and he believed me,” she uttered gasping out of breath and giggling hysterically like a teenager. “Oh my god, you’re bad,” I told her laughing. “Fuck him!” she replied instantly. “He’s caused us so much trouble, the least I could do is fuck with his head,” she stated amused with herself. Later on, Chief Rod sent me a text message while we were about to have dinner at home, at around six in the evening. “Ma’am is it true Trax is my wife and we have three kids?” he asked. “No. She’s just fucking with you,” I replied. “That lying bitch! I’m going to kill her when I see her!” the chief replied. When Trax found out Nanay seven was in the custody of the CIA, she sent chief this text message. “I know you’re fuckin’ the old lady. Just let us know when she gets pregnant so we can find an adoption home for the poor retard.” February 6, 2014, here are email exchanges between Caesar and me, which started the fourth of February. “Good night, Iceman. You are my light.” “Good night beautiful! You are the light and darkness in my life. I need both for nourishment and enlightenment. “You couldn’t handle my darkness, Iceboy. You’d whimper like a little girl if you even got a glimpse of my Lucifer.” “There you go again. You always underestimate me.”

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“That is not true at all. When we met almost seven years ago, I told the oracles it would only take you three years to get out of the box and claim your freedom. They disagreed with me. They said it would take you five years. Iceman, you’re still thinking inside the box. But, I love you just the same, always and beyond.” “Hell! I am just happy you are part of my life after so many years. I can’t believe we talk daily even if it is quick notes.” “What’s wrong with you, Iceboy? I will always be connected to all your lives, past, present and future.” “I’m thankful for that.” The following day, our discussion continued. “Good morning, son of Ra. I’m wondering if we would ever have a deep conversation someday.” “Good morning, and yes we will. You know that.” “You think it’s really possible considering you’ve spent most of your life inside a cubicle?” “HA HA! Of course.” “You lie. Fat fag!” “Think what you want.” “Tell me, is the stick up your ass a permanent thing?” “HA HA! I don’t have a stick up my ass.” “OMG! It’s been there so long you don’t feel it anymore.” Caesar and I discussed sex one day along with gender issues and the possibility of working together someday. I am grateful that although he is very careful with his words, he allows me to speak to him openly. Like most people, the sex he knows is a physical act. I sent him this email, so he may further understand my perspective on this subject. “I want to tell you about the sex I know. It is possible for two people to stay together for many, many years without tiring of each

444 MIRROR OF MIND other sexually. It is possible for the erotic relationship of two people to continuously grow over the years. But such engagement is only possible through the absolute union of their mind, body and soul. The truth is most of mankind only see fornication as a physical act. I have no interest in sex like that. I outgrew that a long time ago. When sex is powered by free mind and spirit, then it enters the void, a world detached from this plane where lovers could express their dreams and fantasies with endless freedom, void of hesitation and fear. One must be able to leave this reality in order to experience the never-ending possibilities such erotic expression could offer. Sexually, I am still the unknown to my partner after fourteen years. He understands this because he has freedom of mind and spirit. He told my friends Celeste and Carol once; “I haven’t watched porno movies since I’ve been with Marlene. Why should I? In her body are all the porno movies in the world.” However, that’s an understatement. My complex and endless imagination goes beyond what is presented in dirty movies. Let me tell you more. I am sapiosexual, which means regardless of gender, I find intelligence and substance in others sexually attractive. Androgynous women chase me, like men chase me. Beautiful and drop dead gorgeous women have pursued me over the years. One of them was a baroness who appeared in a James Bond film. Another one was a friend of mine, one of the celebrities in the Philippines. She is known for her breathtaking beauty. She was in my home one evening when she proposed to me. She said, “Just lie naked in bed and close your eyes. I will do everything.” I have had sexual offers like this all my life. Yet, I have never had sex with a woman. Why do you think that? I will tell you. I am not attracted to people’s physical attributes. A beautiful face and body mean nothing to me without the mind. But even with

445 MARLENE AGUILAR mind, I have to feel spiritually connected to the person to want to fornicate with him. The mind, the body and the soul must be able to unite to achieve my erotic desires. As far as women are concerned, I have never met any one I would consider having sex with. There was one particular woman who used to attack me in the bathrooms of nightclubs in the Philippines many years ago. We went to the same places. I used to let her kiss me while she pressed me against the wall. That was it. That was all. She couldn’t offer me more. Speaking of women, in my life it’s been harder for me to find females with multiple intellects. When I say multiple intellects, I mean both left and right sides of the brain included, plus freedom of mind and spirit. So, although I have had several male lovers, I have never had a female lover. Anyway, don’t worry about us working together. We could deliver our tasks perfectly and not worry about any sexual tension between us whatsoever. We have absolutely no sensual chemistry. The truth is your sexual persona is in a world so far detached from mine. I perfectly understand your desires for prostitutes. Believe me, I do. Sexually, you represent the great majority of men in this matrix, especially men in the military. There’s nothing wrong with it. The norm is the norm. I read the above narrative to Steve. Here is our conversation regarding what I wrote above. “Sexually, you would ruin a man.” “Why? Because I want to rub my sex against his brain?” I told Steve laughing. “Actually, that’s what James told me, When we broke up, he said, ‘If he did to his future lover what we did in bed, she’d call the cops and have him arrested.’ He said, ‘ I ruined him sexually.’” “You would probably ruin all men and women sexually.”

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“The crucial thing is the mind. It must be free. To understand the sex I want is like discovering fine food. Why would I want anything else after that? I look at men and I know most men couldn’t offer me the sex I want. I look at the men walking on this planet and they look empty. They’re just empty vessels polluting the earth. That goes for women, too. I don’t understand how any one would find women like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian attractive. When I see their photos, all I see are empty and lost souls.” Wherever I go, I see men and women, most of whom are so lonely, especially women in this country. They walk around the planet feeling unloved, because their husbands have replaced them with younger girls. I think women in the Philippines are lonelier than the men because the latter have more freedom to express their sensualities. They have more freedom in the sense that this society doesn’t frown upon men who cheat on their wives. That is for as long as he does not neglect providing for his family financially. So men are allowed to have mistresses, while the women are suppose to behave. Although our culture permits men to cheat on their wives, it does not accord women the same courtesy. In this country, it is not unusual for a man to have one or two mistresses, depending on how much he can afford. One of our politicians, Chavit Singson is married. Her home is here in Blue Ridge where I live. Their children are now grown up, married with children of their own. Nonetheless, Chavit has at least six mistresses and he has children with all of them. What happens to the psyche of a woman who watches her husband fool around while they are together? That woman goes through life feeling helpless, unattractive and unloved. That is probably the reason why so many women in this country have taken an overdose of plastic surgeries all over their faces and bodies.

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They think that would solve their insecurities. And these women desperately search for romance, romance they’ve never had with their partners. So they hunger for it like desperate animals. It’s sad really. I see so many of them at Fitness First gym. On the other hand, I think it’s worse for Chinese women because so many of them are products of pre-arranged marriages. Imagine marrying a man for business reasons and not for love. Imagine that kind of existence. Imagine going through life without love from a partner. I see Chinese women in the gym my age. They go to the fitness center early in the morning with full and heavy make up like they’re going to the club. When I look at them, I can see they walk around the gymnasium like bitches in heat. These women are so desperate they pay for sex. I find that so absolutely disgusting. It’s so sad. The existence of mankind is so sad. I may have endured great pain in my life but dear god I don’t look for romance. In that department I’m full. I have had it all. I’m lucky because I’ve been so loved by the men in my life. Sexually, I’ve lived my fantasies, I couldn’t ask for more. The thing is, until people realize that sex offers an entirely different world when they allow it to go beyond the physical act, they’re getting ripped off. While we are on the subject of sex, did you notice I haven’t included any erotic essays in my books for a while? That is because I haven’t written any for the past three years, not since Dwayne died. It’s strange. I didn’t know him in person but after his death, I stopped writing erotic articles. This changed when I saw the red moon earlier this year. So here is the first erotic essay I’ve written in three years, entitled Red Moon.

Red Moon Surrounded by the lush wonders of Mother Nature, we had

448 MIRROR OF MIND dinner under the moon that evening. And the moon was red that night. I felt so much desire for him. I wanted to taste him. I knew he felt the same for me, since he gazed at me as if he sought to consume my very being. After dinner he took my hand and slowly, we walked together toward our cottage. But right before we entered the door, he gently pressed me against the wall and kissed me. He kissed me for the very first time. He kissed me so passionately, his tongue brought shivers all over my body. All of a sudden I felt his right hand between my legs. He began to caress my Venus with his fingers while he continued to kiss me. He burned with desire and he was so sure of himself, I loved him for that. Then he went down on his knees. He pushed my legs open and lifted my skirt. I felt his face against my thighs, his tongue licking my sex. After that, he licked me again and again, until he began to suck on my clit, pulling on it. I gasped and I gasped some more. My body revolted from his wicked deed. He nailed me to the wall, while he went on and on and on feasting on my flesh like some beastly animal in the wilderness. Now my gash was swollen and dripping wet. It was my turn to please him so I pushed his face away from my sex. I turned to push him against the same wall. He stood up and I got on my knees and unzipped his pants. I found him hard as steel and longing to be abused. I held his love stick with my right hand and began stroking it, while my left hand played with his balls. He groaned with gratification urging me to go on. I licked the tip of his manhood with the very tip of my tongue. I repeated the act over and over while he whimpered some more. Next thing I knew, I had half the length of his penis inside my mouth. I ate his dagger on and on while my left hand continued to massage his balls. He grabbed my face and pushed me gently onto the grass. So I lay on my back on the lawn with my legs bent

449 MARLENE AGUILAR apart, my feet resting on the ground. It was then I saw the red moon watching us from up above. Have you ever seen the red moon? She appeared earlier this year. The moon has many moods and many faces but the red moon is the most-wicked of them all and because of this she is also the most alluring and the most captivating. “Take me inside you so we can share this mortal,” she whispered to me smiling the most mischievous smile from up above. “Come,” I told her. I closed my eyes for a moment, letting her spirit bond with mine. Suddenly, she was inside me. “Who will put the spell on this mortal, you or me?” I asked her silently. “You,” she murmured, kissing the back of my neck. “I’m just a guest. This body is your home,” she added. Meanwhile, the man planted his knees between my legs and he lifted my skirt. My thighs were spread apart exposing my private parts, throbbing and wet. He took his bullying shaft and drove it inside me. I moaned with extreme pleasure upon feeling his manhood inside me while my clam juices began to flow profusely. He kept his hard tool rooted in my slit and pushed it in me harder and harder, and over and over. I could feel my muscles easing to accommodate him. He drove his soldier further and further inside me until the walls of my sexual cave devoured and squeezed every inch of his throbbing rod. I wanted to cum. And the moon remained still inside me, rejoicing with me. She felt it all as I did, smiling demonically, excited for more. “Pull it out!” I ordered him. And he did. “Now shove it back, hard!” I told him. And he slammed it back into my wet, sucking hole with a vengeance. “Aaaaaah,” I yelped with satisfaction. The pleasure it gave me engulfed me. Unknown to the mortal, Medea inside me cast her spell every time he drove his love muscle violently inside me.

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“Do it again,” I told him gasping. And he did. He rammed his viper back into me again like he was avenging my order. This time, he didn’t stop. He kept pulling and thrusting his sex toy in and out of me, driving it back and forth with brutal force. He thought he had control. “Oh god! Oh god,” I moaned. And he continued to ride my pussy as a lone rider determined to race through the wild. I licked the fingers of my right hand and I began rubbing my clit while he ravaged me. I did the same with the fingers from my left hand and began pinching my left nipple giving my being both pain and pleasure at the same time. I closed my eyes and my mind imploded into the blue. The moon shot out of me and, in mortal form, lay naked to my side, giving me one of her swollen breasts to suck on. Immediately, Mariana took control of the man. Mariana, my sexual villain, has no respect for mortals. She exists to use them for one purpose, to please all her sexual desires. And thus does she consume every man in her path. To confront her is to taste the forbidden, which is why she has owned every man who has ever lain with her. Reality had turned a page. Suddenly, we were in a room, a chamber designed by Mariana’s angels of fire and darkness. The man, the moon and I had entered a zone where all is possible. Medea’s spell had come to fruition. We had entered the gates of hell. And Lucifer who had been watching us all along was happy to receive us. The goddess of blackness laughed with glee upon seeing us. “Come my darlings,” she beckoned. Her alluring presence was dizzying to behold as always. She stood at the foot of the bed. Then she licked her lips and raised her hands. The bed we lay on floated in the midst of a galaxy where the sun is forever setting. Shades of red, orange and gold invoked heat that pierced our bodies, seducing the utter intimacy of our sex. We were lost, lost in the great divide. Lucifer herself reigned over us now.

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Mariana handled the man on earth, while she floated in the unknown with the moon and Lucifer. “Do you see my naked girl lying next to me?” she asked the mortal. “I’m suckin’ on her tit, while she’s bangin’ herself with a dildo, and your beatin’ my pussy cream,” she said. “You like that, don’t you? You dirty boy. Yeaaah. You do and you’re goin’ crazy now like the dog that you are ‘cause you never had pussy on fire like this,” she stated slamming her pussy against the man’s cum gun while she spoke. The man heard every word Mariana uttered and whatever she said to him became real in his mind. He was completely under her rule. How could he possibly resist the mother of all sexual fiends? “Now I’m goin ‘ to turn over and you’re goin’ to screw me from behind like the dirty dog that you are,” Mariana ordered. “And my girl here is goin’ to lie on her back and I’m going to molest her cunt while you fuck me.” Thus, Mariana feasted on the moon’s grassy knoll while the man went on with his monstrous business, razing her from behind like there was no tomorrow. You better be ready for me bad boy or I’m goin’ to spank your ass so hard, I’ll make you cry.” “My lover is going to get up and she’s goin’ to stand over my waist with her legs to my sides while she hangs on the beams above this bed. Then she’s goin’ to shove her dripping cunt all over your dirty face! That’s right. Fuck me with your filthy cock. Now, stick that tongue out and fuck her pussy! You’re goin’ to make us both cum or I’ll spank your ass soooo hard and make you bleed! Do it! In and out, use your cock. Use your tongue. That’s it.” With these words, Mariana screamed out loud. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, I’m goin’ to cum,” she said gasping long and hard, her body shaking with wild spasms. At the same time, the man’s body quivered and quavered

452 MIRROR OF MIND out of control losing grip of all his senses. At once, racing live sperm gushed out of his hounding cock like fireworks exploding in the dark night sky. Mariana and the moon came with the man; their bodies trembled in unison disgorging their sex juices all at the same time. The feeling of each other’s ecstatic blasts intensified their bliss so much no mere mortal could possibly grasp the power of their unified erotic expulsion; unless of course they have fornicated with the devil like Mariana has. Pleased with her progenies, Lucifer withdrew and returned to her throne. The moon returned to her home. And Mariana and the man returned to earth. She Dragon February 20, 2014

I sent this essay to Steve. I asked him for his comment. Yesterday, he sent me a text message. Here is our exchange of messages. “I read it. I suggested some edits and I will send it to you as soon as I can get Internet that works. It is good.” “Good? I thought the story was better than good.” “Better than good and more than erotic for a lonesome male. Most reminiscent.” “Ha ha! You’re just afraid I’d kick your ass!” “No, but you can do something else for me.” “Ha ha!” I sent the same story to Michael Stewart. Here below is our chat. “I have not been able to write any erotic essays since Dwayne died three years ago. I finally wrote one yesterday. I call it Red Moon. Please tell me what you think.” “Why couldn’t you write erotic essays mamma, I will read it, Lyn.” “I don’t know. I never even met Dwayne in person. And I never

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spoke to him in real time. But after he died, I couldn’t write sex essays, not until yesterday. “Earlier this year, while riding in the car one early evening, I saw the full moon. I even pointed it out to Maya who sat next to me. It was red. It was amazing because I never saw a red moon before. It was so haunting and compelling, it was spell binding. The spirit of the moon that night stayed with me. It did something magical inside me. I believe the moon is the reason I can write erotic articles again. XO.” After reading Red Moon, Michael sent me this witty comment. He stated, “It’s very good, Lyn. You have great visual descriptions in it. You should send it to Playboy or Hustler Mamma. Why not ha? It’s a thousand times better than what they have.” A family member of mine read the essay and she remarked, “Holy shit. I’m wet! I marked in red where you’re thrown on the grass, then the room, then back on the grassy knoll.” “Grassy knoll is another way of saying pussy,” I responded. After reading Red Moon, Caesar commented, “I read your essay and love it, of course. You are so sexual on so many levels. You cross so many boundaries. It is amazing. Don’t stop writing.” Here is my email to Gabriel yesterday. “Dear Dwarf, I’m listening to this inspiring Jazz music and I suddenly thought of you. I thought how much more beautiful this world would be, if only you were born human and not the great asshole that you are.” Just so you know, Gabriel is not that short. He’s around 5’8”. For Asian standards, that’s not short, but for members of the US Special Forces, it is. I just like to call him dwarf. And although I sometimes call Caesar fat fag, he’s not overweight at all. On the contrary, he’s

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fit, military fit. I received this message from a young woman early this morning. She is currently reading Warriors of Heaven. She wrote: “Greetings to you Madam, I wrote you again because I want to ask some questions. If you please, the first question is, ‘Can I call you Mommy?’ I want to tell you a story of my teenage years. I was fifteen years old when I noticed that I was different. Just like any other teenager, my identity crisis began. I wanted to cope with the norms. Everybody wanted to be noticed. Everybody wanted to belong to a group. That was hard for me because I was having a difficult time with myself. I felt nobody understood me. I was lucky enough to have three friends to understand me. I believe I have multiple personalities. I have three jailed inside me. Knowing nothing about these, I panicked and tried to control them. I was afraid that my three friends would vanish if they found out I had multiple personalities. I felt so alone. The solitude forced my inner self to produce a shield to keep me safe from harm, socially, emotionally and spiritually. I became stronger because my “shield” is always with me. I have never been hurt even though people judge me, saying bad words behind my back. They don’t hurt me even when they made me a laughing stock. I socialized well and acquired friends on different categories. I kept my “shield” with me until college. That was when some of my close friends noticed. They fondly called me Miss Deadma. But it’s okay, they love me and I love them. Other people who don’t know me labeled me snob. What the hell do I care as long as I have my “shield”? Up to this day my “shield” is working very well. Ooooppps! This

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is getting too long an introduction for my second question, Is that okay that I killed my other personalities by using my “shield”? I feel guilty killing them since I started reading Warriors of Heaven. It gives me more pain every time I read you acknowledging Mariana, Molly, etc. I feel that I am a criminal. Thank you for giving time reading this story of mine. Loving you unconditionally, Laine” As soon as I read her message, I replied to her. I said, “Yes, you may call me Mommy. No, you didn’t kill your other personalities. They are asleep. They will awaken when the time is ripe. Forgive yourself for being human. I love you too.” For those of you who are not familiar with the Swarding word Deadma. It is used to describe a person who is emotionally detached from the events around him or her, a person who doesn’t react to his or her environment. February 7, 2014, here below is my headline on Facebook. “I have traveled to six continents and 37 countries. I have garnered awards all over the world for my books, including endorsement from the United Nations. VIP’s from international institutions, including leaders of states are some of my supporters. My non-fiction book Warriors of Heaven has been compulsory reading in UP and other universities in Philosophy, Political Science and Popular Literature. I don’t know any other book that is required reading in college in three subjects. In that sense, Warriors of Heave is in a league of its own. When I launched Warriors of Heaven at the Cultural Center of the Philippines, the SWAT team raided my home. This is because

456 MIRROR OF MIND my story exposes the ugly relationship between the US and RP governments. Angered by my writings, the CIA made sure I was punished. The Philippine law enforcers have attacked my home a few times since. I was also put in the government’s hit list. The government wanted me dead. In the past, and while surrounded by heavily armed bandits, I negotiated the release of two kidnapped victims on two separate occasions on my own. I was alone. I succeeded both times. In addition, I have successfully masterminded the rescue of a dozen kidnappings in the last four years. Four years ago a hundred heavily armed men attacked my home with orders from the government to “shoot to kill” my son and me. In the last four years, the CIA tormented me repeatedly, because I refuse to work with them. I refuse to work with them because I think they’re all a bunch of brainless fucking apes. I have survived all this - so don’t fucking piss me off and tell me what to do. Don’t even suggest it. Why? Because nothing you have ever done in your entire and worthless life could ever prepare you to understand someone like me. There are very few people in this world with minds. And there are only a small number of them in my life. These are the people whose opinions I welcome anytime because of their brilliant perspective of the world. These few men, who include Michael Stewart, Stephen Pollard and Colby Aguilar, know who they are, because I have told them repeatedly how much I value their insights. In addition to this, I would like to name a few people who have touched my life. They are the following: John Austin, a friend of mine and also a friend of my partner Stephen Pollard. He became the executive director for World Bank after his post as board of director for the Asian Development Bank.

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He is from New Zealand. Wes Penre, a journalist who owns the domain for Illuminati News. He has counseled me in the past regarding the power brokers in the US government and the world who have been monitoring me. He was born in Sweden. Howard Marks, my ex lover who wrote the best selling book Mr. Nice. At the height of his career, he had contacts with the CIA, the IRA, the Mafia, and the MI6. He is known as one of the best criminal minds the world has ever produced. He was born in Wales. William King, a friend of mine who, in my opinion, is the king of Philippine fine dining. I heard he was the chef for the band the Queen and his grandfather became one of the heads of the IRA. He was born in Ireland. These men I listed above share one thing in common. They own the best minds I’ve ever encountered in this matrix. In addition they possess deep spiritual intellect.” – She Dragon I know I have not told you about those two kidnapping situations where I negotiated on behalf of the victims on two separate occasions. And as far as the other kidnappings in the last four years, courtesy of the CIA, those stories will probably end up in my fiction books someday. I don’t really want to upset the agency further because at this point, I feel I’ve pushed the envelope enough. I received an email today from Miss California. She wrote, “How are you? How’s the shrimp doing? Any feedback from the UN regarding his case? What’s your cp number? Take care.” The CIA agent from planet ape is asking about Jason. I emailed her back and said, “Tell your boss I’m going to crush his little dick when I see him. That is if he has the guts to come see me face-to-face, fucking old cunt!”

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February 10, 2014, Miss California replied. She said, “What happened now? I told you they would not allow Ivler to leave because it will cause an international alarm and scandal. We both knew this. He’s better off there at the moment for his protection. Obama is heading there in April if not earlier to sign off on the SOFA. You can address him then. As you know old Harry is out and a new ambassador has been appointed. The US is kissing the Philippines’ ass and that will not change until the US gets what they want. What is your cell number?” After reading her message, I sent this message out. “US NSA, please tell the fuckwits I’m not working with Miss California. Tell them to send another lesbian. And they should make sure this one has the brain of Homo sapiens. Thank you. XXX!” SOFA means status of forces agreement. According to Wikipedia: “A status of forces agreement (SOFA) is an agreement between a host country and a foreign nation stationing military forces in that country. SOFAs are often included, along with other types of military agreements, as part of a comprehensive security arrangement. A SOFA does not constitute a security arrangement; it establishes the rights and privileges of foreign personnel present in a host country in support of the larger security arrangement. Under international law a status of forces agreement differs from military occupation. While the United States military has the largest foreign presence and therefore accounts for most SOFAs, the United Kingdom, France, Australia, Germany, Italy, Russia, South Korea, and many other nations also station military forces abroad and negotiate SOFAs with their host countries. In the past, the Soviet Union had SOFAs with most of its satellite states. While most of the United States’ SOFAs are public, some remain classified. The SOFA is intended to clarify the terms under which the

459 MARLENE AGUILAR foreign military is allowed to operate. Typically, purely military operational issues such as the locations of bases and access to facilities are covered by separate agreements. The SOFA is more concerned with the legal issues associated with military individuals and property. This may include issues like entry and exit into the country, tax liabilities, postal services, or employment terms for host-country nationals, but the most contentious issues are civil and criminal jurisdiction over bases and personnel. For civil matters, SOFAs provide for how civil damages caused by the forces will be determined and paid. Criminal issues vary, but the typical provision in U.S. SOFAs is that U.S. courts will have jurisdiction over crimes committed either by a service member against another service member or by a service member as part of his or her military duty, but the host nation retains jurisdiction over other crimes.” I forwarded the above exchange of emails between Miss California and me to Caesar with this message: “So what do you think? Please read between the lines Iceman and tell me what you think.” After emailing Caesar, I called Josephine on her landline. I read to her Miss California’s message. I told her I sent the narrative to her via Facebook and that I wanted her opinion on it. Later during the day, she wrote me. She said: “I read and re-read Miss Cal’s February 10 message to you. Facts are, she gives you news anyone can get in a newspaper and is ambiguous about everything else. My theory is, the grunts listened to you and she really is no longer in the loop. She is trying hard to get back in by way of getting new or any info from you. She probably does not have access to your number anymore ‘cause she had become irrelevant the minute word got out that you will not work with her.

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You would think they would have learned by now that if they want you to open up to someone, he should be gay, brainy and brawny. They should think of someone like Paulie with Steve’s brain and looks of Gary Daniels, your mixed martial arts friend. That’s what I think.” When Steve came home at around six in the evening, I read to him Miss California’s narrative. “Her message is distorted,” I said to him. “I think they’re just testing the waters to see if I’d work with her.” “She’s a messenger at best,” he replied. “And if she’s not giving you a clear message, I won’t believe what she’s saying,” he added. Finally, here is Caesar’s response to my inquiry. He stated: “I find her tone interesting. It appears that she wants to re-engage but on friendlier terms. She doesn’t get the fact that you are done with her. Her superiors don’t get it either. They need to change their tactics if they expect to move forward.” I wrote the Special Forces Commander back. I said, “Thank you for your insights. Miss California is the epitome of imbecility. I don’t think she did this on her own. I believe she sent me a message because her superior told her to do so. What do you think?” Caesar never received this email. And I decided it was best not to send him the same message again. Lately, Jayar Constantino posted this comment on his Facebook wall. He based his statement from a documentary he found from 9/11truth.org. He wrote: “The 9\11 attack is FALSE FLAG OPERATION by the American government. How sad that the US sacrificed its own people for money and greed! The US is promoting war not peace!!!” I replied to his statement. I said, “I wrote about that in Warriors of Heaven. I wrote, “When I heard about 9/11 I cried to my secretary

461 MARLENE AGUILAR and said, “OMG. They killed their own people.” “Yes, Ma’am Marlene. I read about it in Warriors of Heaven, which is why I decided to do my own research. I’m so sad that the US government could murder its own people,” he wrote back. “There is a documentary about me by Probe Team headed by Cheche Lazaro. She interviewed Inday Espina Varona for this TV show. Inday is a journalist who had read Warriors of Heaven. I know her personally. During the interview Inday talked about what I wrote in Warriors of Heaven. She discussed what I said about 9/11 and how the US government killed its own people and that they are responsible for the tragedy. Inday added that she didn’t believe what I said. Imagine that. Journalists are supposed to have a curious mind. But most journalists are morons like Inday. And they will never understand that the truth. Governments kill their citizens everyday,” I told Jayar. The US is excellent in creating war, but it doesn’t know how to create peace. Not yet. I received a message from Robert Gass this morning. He lives in Kirkland, Washington. He just finished chapter five of Warriors of Heaven. I first saw his picture on the community page called Conspiracy Watch. I read his comment on a post and I thought what fascinating mind he has. So, I quickly checked out his Facebook wall and read some of his writings. And that is how we began to communicate. Robert has a bipolar disorder. The emotional highs and lows of people with bipolar or manic-depressive disorder are extreme. Their ups and downs are so intense; their mood swings can terribly damage their relationships and their performance in school or at work. Furthermore, their mood swings and their way of thinking

462 MIRROR OF MIND from the ups of the mania to the lows of their depression could last for days to weeks to months. In his essay entitled, 36 Now and Hoping to Rid it Out, he wrote: “Something happened with stomach sickness from pills I was taking in my late twenties and I tried to go off them. My father refused to let me and had me put into a ward. There I was surrounded by hospital staff on a bed and forced to take an injection in my buttock. Not long afterward, just before I was going to take a shower, my spine started to contort. I left the bathroom stall partially clothed and one of the hospital staff commanded, ‘Put your shirt on.’ I yelped, ‘I can’t!’ Then I went into the room that was allotted to me and writhed in pain the entire night in bedlam. I feared I was developing cerebral palsy and thought that my life as I knew it was probably over. After that night of writhing and groaning in autonomic pain I spent most of my time doing the most enjoyable thing possible in a mental ward. I slept. Eventually my father accepted me back from the mental ward and I took the medications out of fear of being forced to take them in a worse way. But when I moved away from my parent’s house I refused to engage in what I now perceive as a form of enforced masochism on my brain and body. I originally took the medications for a bipolar personality and as a teenager I developed Tourette’s syndrome. I now know that the twitch in my left eye was due to a partially unhealed nasal surgery I had as a teenager. The ear, nose, and throat specialist punctured both of my sinuses with a needle that contained a “salt water solution.” It was distinctly different from saline nasal spray and I never tasted anything quite like it again until my thirties when I was doing my morning Kundalini yoga routine while suffering a cold. There was far more snot coming out than normal and as I

463 MARLENE AGUILAR was thrusting air out of my sinuses I tasted the “salt water solution,” coupled with a stinging pain in my left sinus. From my nose came a long strand of what resembled a thin and stringy solidified booger and the stinging pain continued. Not long after this monumental nasal ejection I could feel a tunnel from my left eye to my left ear and when the pixies weren’t taunting me, saying that it proved nothing, they were commanding me not to heal up the wound with fish protein while refusing to give them meds. By this September I will have been disobeying that order for a year. The pain in my left sinus that followed the initial ejection of the “salt water solution” lasted for about a week and I’m still suffering from what it and the medications over it have done to my brain.” After reading the first few paragraphs of his article, I sent Robert a message. Here is a fraction of what I wrote to him that day. “I started to read some narrative from your wall. I began to weep. I felt such pain I had to stop. I will continue reading your article after I write this message to you. I know pain. I’ve faced physical pain from the time I was young. My father was physically abusive to his children. So I know pain well.” Since then, Robert and I have communicated via private messaging on Facebook. I have five thousand friends on my personal Facebook wall alone, plus almost six thousand followers. Moreover, the fan pages supporting Jsin and me have over a hundred and ten thousand followers. But out of the thousands of strangers who have communicated with me in cyberspace, I consider the mind of Robert Gass, Dwayne and that of Michael Stewart’s the most fascinating. Michael’s intellect captivates me because he has the deep passion of an artist, passion, which I so love in men. Robert doesn’t have the passion of Michael, not at all. But he writes with such outstanding

464 MIRROR OF MIND clarity, despite his mental condition. I find that so amazing. In his case, I wonder if when the psyche is threatened, the individual reacts by pushing its brain to function better. Anyway, here is the message I received from Robert Gass this morning. “I just finished Chapter 5 and my remaining responses to it are written below: I think that self-actualization is the basis for enlightenment, but I would never want to become so illuminated that I ceased to care about material attachment. That seems too angelic in nature to be practical. As long as I can be naturally high and happy all the time through having cleansed myself of external intrusions, then I’ll be content. By the year 2014 it looks like many of the predictions you made in this chapter are coming true. Even the mainstream media warns of a financial collapse that is threatening to occur. What you wrote about the public loathing Obama is pretty much true by this date in time. He has an extremely low approval rating. It’s strange the Ku Klux Klan would want to promote impeachment of Obama. Either they are extremely stupid about politics or they realize he’s just a puppet for wealthy bigots. An organization like that supporting the impeachment of the first black president actually adds further support to the race card used to protect Obama’s presidency from anything like that. I think the US elections are rigged for men behind the scenes, who actually rein the controls and they chose a black president to institute police state tactics over the population. The first woman president will probably be a cover for things like legalizing prostitution and concealing increased sexual exploitation of women in various other ways.” I replied to Robert as soon as I read his message. I stated:

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“Having material detachment doesn’t mean I enjoy material things less. I think the US chose a black president to ultimately destroy him. I believe the plan is to discredit Obama so much that he goes down in US history as America’s worst president. This way the brotherhood in DC would have succeeded in making sure no black president is ever elected again, or at least for a very long time. BTW, thank you for your insights. I appreciate them.” February 14, 2014 Caesar sent me his insights on the first four chapters of this novel. He wrote: “I loved what you wrote. It is so intoxicating that you can’t stop reading it once you start. It is interesting how you can relate to your readers, both men and women on so many levels. You have suffered and endured several hardships and came out stronger. Your life is extremely motivating to so many people. You show so many facets of your personalities in your book, which in turn increases the numbers of people that you capture with your writing. Like your other books, this one is captivating and I am one of the many that can’t wait for another volume. I would say I didn’t like Dick. His assessment of me is so stereotypical. He knows nothing about me, yet he makes assumptions based on his previous life experiences with others like me or he makes assumptions on what he has read. How narrow-minded is that? He has no clue about what I do or what I am capable of. He is like so many others that want to stereotype me based on what they think I am or what they think I do. They have no clue. To type cast me into some role of their choosing is a huge mistake. As you know, I play a role that many expect me to play. I allow people to see only what I want them to. I am so much more than what people see. That is something that only you could understand.”

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I do agree with Caesar. There is a lot more to him than he cares to show the world. I received this message from my soul child Riselle Gines Quiambao at around seven in the morning. She started reading this book. By the way, in case you forgot, anak is Tagalog for the word child and Nay is short for Inay. It means mother. She stated: “Dear Nay Marlene, I just finished reading chapter one. Having read the first chapter made me include book six of your life-stories to my favorite books, along with Bringer of Death and The key, of course. I like how you started it and below is the excerpt which caught my attention: ‘Life is a circle. From the day you are born to the day you die, that’s a circle. Every day of your life is connected and forever entwined, which means everything you do today affects that very same circle,” I stated. “The days of your life are not separated. Past or present, the events of your life affect the circle.” While reading this chapter nay, it made me catch my breath!!! Chapter one alone for me is already an entire book. There is too many information to absorb and the more I know of what you’ve experienced, the more I desire to read more. I will never grow tired of reading. How I wish that I could discuss these things that I’ve read and learned with someone. I tried to convince a friend of mine to read Warriors of Heaven, but she said to me that she’s afraid. I believe that what you wrote is real and that you only speak of the truth nay. It’s just sad that many can’t understand you not because they don’t have great minds. I admit that I don’t have a great mind either. They can’t understand you because they are too scared to face the unknown. Well, that’s their loss! I really like the events about Trax and Nanay seven and the man

467 MARLENE AGUILAR who said that he did his homework on you. Those are the ones that marked my mind. I really love reading about black and white magic. I am always amazed by those experiences of yours Nay. By the way, if you think faster in English, in my case, it’s the opposite but I had this urge to write to you not using our own language. He he. I don’t know what it is with you, Nay. Normally, when I love a book I won’t lend it to others. I want to keep it to myself but with your books I feel different. So I persuaded two close friends of a former schoolmate and mine to read your books so they’d know you, too. But they didn’t. Tsk. It’s hard to explain things to them. Like Jsin’s girlfriend Diane, I wanted to tell them that I am included in your book Nay but I won’t. The sensitive me couldn’t swallow their violent reactions. Anyway, in time I know that I will find a way to express myself without caring what my loved ones think. Thank you Nay for being my soul mother who loves and guides me. When you call me “anak” Nay, it always comforts me. I love you, Nay. This soul of mine will always be grateful to you. While reading your books I am also being healed. I feel so free and happy with your help, Nay. I may not be completely free in this matrix but your gift; your gift of freeing my mind will always be a blessing. Lastly, I love how you ended chapter one with these words. ‘The mind has powers beyond your imagination. The mind can heal and it can also destroy. How do you think I killed my enemies? I killed them with my mind.’ Happy Valentine’s Day po! Your anak, Riselle” I wrote her back and stated: “What beautiful words. What a beautiful soul you possess.

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Regarding Nanay seven and Trax, I speak the truth. My life is convoluted enough. I’m not going to add to its enigma by lying. The CIA took those two X-rays of Trax’s foot from Orthopedic Hospital. They will either use it to promote me, or destroy me in the eyes of the world. Either way, they’re not going to change my place in heaven. By the way, do not expect your friends around you to understand you. Mentally and spiritually, you are so much ahead of them. In time you will outgrow them. In time, you will get to meet other old souls like you. And they will embrace you along with your thoughts and ideas. Thank you for writing me. I love you, too. Happy Valentines Day.” After reading chapters two and three, Riselle wrote me again. Here is our exchange of dialog. “Dear Nay, I just finished reading chapter 3 and I wasn’t able to fathom Dick’s thoughts even though you edited his narrative. That’s why I will read chapters 2 and 3 again. I find his narrative so exhausting. Maybe I am not yet ready mentally and emotionally to read such. Honestly speaking, I have read all your books but those two chapters were the most difficult for me. I had to read the narrative twice or even thrice just to grasp Dick’s writings. I find it ironic, Nay that I was able to finish these chapters faster than the other ones although I find them more difficult to understand. Anyway, in chapter 2 you said: ‘As you read the dialogue between Dick and myself below, ask yourself this question. Am I being truthful or not?’ And you ended chapter 3 with this statement: ‘This exchange of communication with Dick began on February

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20, 2013 and ended on April 3, 2013. So who is Dick? Is he real? Or is he not? Does he work for the US government? Did someone send him to talk to me? If so, who sent him? Did the brotherhood of pussies in Washington DC send him? Or did one man within this imperious clan in DC send Dick to me? If so, who? Who sent him? Why? Or is it just fate that sent him to me? During our dialogue, was I truthful to Dick? Was I being honest? On the other hand, was he truthful and honest? What do you think? Listen to your inner voice. It will tell you the truth.” These statements really made me really think. For me, you were truthful. Yes, Dick is real. He is an academe. No one sent him but fate did. There is only the inevitable in this matrix. Your paths crossed because that was part of the games within games within games. There is something deep with both chapters. You won’t include those if they don’t matter. It is like testing the water. I just can’t decode it yet. Is he one of them? Yes, he is. Was he truthful? Yes, he was. Somewhere there was an agenda. Dick, the academe is connected with one of the most powerful men in the US. You even thought he could be their high priest. Do they consult oracles too?” “Ha ha! I love your comments on Dick. You’re right. I believe you had a hard time embracing Dick’s sprit. And that is why you found it difficult to understand his narrative. And yes, I believe the brotherhood consult oracles, too.” “I really had a hard time reading his words, Nay. When I read a statement of his, I start yawning. I get so tired reading his statements. I end up falling asleep afterward. I’m so glad you cut your conversations with him giving me a break. I had to re-charge myself in order to continue reading Dick’s dialogs. But I forced myself to read his stuff again. I hope I understand his point, next time I read his statements. If reading Dick’s stuff was boxing, he’d

470 MIRROR OF MIND knock me out instantly” “You seem to be absorbing Dick’s spirit, which is very exhausting.” “When I read his original statements, oh my god, that was even worse. Thank you so much for editing his words. I’d go crazy if I tried to make sense out of it. Even so, I find all this challenging, so I would read his statements again.” There is so much more I want to tell you about the events in my life that transpired during the last four years, but I can’t. I have mentioned to you over and over again how my allies during the past six years have suffered unspeakable pain. I’ve talked about the trials of Trax and poor Chief Rod whose memory is lost, thanks to the CIA. But even then, I can’t really tell you details surrounding the plight of Trax and Chief Rod. Maybe this is one of the reasons why it has taken me so long to finish this book. I’ve had to sort out all sorts of things. But today, I decided to share more with you and show you a clearer picture about the monsters the CIA use as agents and minions in the Philippines. In doing so, I hope this gives you a better understanding about the absolute horror the US government made my allies and me suffer over the last four years. Trax has had four nervous breakdowns in the last two years. The first one was the longest, which lasted almost three months. The last three were not as bad. I healed her each time. She has been abducted and tortured by the CIA seven times. However, she has no clear memory about what happened to her during those times. So I did my own research. During one of her interrogations, a policeman who used the alias Orig tortured Trax. During her debriefing, Orig hit her head with a 45-caliber gun. She has a scar on her head because of it. During the interrogation Orig grabbed Trax’s head and rammed it into a drum of water over and over. Still, she wouldn’t give them any

471 MARLENE AGUILAR information. “I won’t tell you anything, just kill me,” she told her captors repeatedly. You’re probably wondering why cops were active during Trax’s grilling. The CIA uses many local policemen as their assets nationwide. To the best of my knowledge, the agency controls the Philippine National Police. When I question Trax about her abductions, she says she doesn’t remember much about those dreadful times. She is not the way she was when I met her four years ago. She is not the same. Something is amiss with her mind. And I don’t know if she’s going to make it. I don’t know if she could handle any more pain. Last night I called my brave female asset. Here is our discussion. “Don’t you remember anything? They took you so many times, don’t you remember anything?” “I try to remember but my mind goes blank every time I try. I remember only the pain I suffered when I got home. I remember my head bleeding. I remember the burn in my hands and fingers, the bruises all over my body. But before that I don’t remember much.” “If you told me details of what they did to you, I would have figured out some things to prevent future tragedies from happening. But you didn’t say anything to me about your torture.” “But I couldn’t remember anything…” “I wonder if they gave you some drug so you’d forget. Don’t you remember Orig hitting you in the head with a 45? And he dunked your head into a drum of water over and over…” “Now that you mentioned it, I can see the past…. but it’s blurred.” “Try to remember. I want to know what they did to you.” Trax was quiet for a long time on the phone. Then she spoke. “He also hit my knees with his gun. And he made me sit with them while they played cards. And during that time, he used my

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hand as his ashtray. There was a woman in their group. She bashed my head against the wall a number of times.” Trax was pregnant at this time. What kind of men would do this? I’ve asked myself this question over and over again for the past four years. There is no end to evil. Believe me when I tell you, there is no end to these men’s wicked deeds. The power of blackness reigns over their hearts and souls. Let me continue. I mentioned earlier that Colonel Pulpol was promoted as head of one of the vital departments at PNP where SPO3 Juke is posted. Judging from the statements he gave Trax during their meeting, I would say the colonel works as an asset for the CIA. The day after the colonel spoke to Trax, he did something involving me, which I found utterly revolting. I am not going to give you details of this incident because I find it too exhausting to narrate. So, I sent a message to the gods in Washington, DC on the same day. I said, “The colonel is a piece of shit! All your assets here are pieces of shit. Why can’t you send me someone decent for a change? Why don’t you just murder all the government officials here? If you did, you’d be doing the world a favor.” The following day, the colonel called for a meeting with all his staff, including Juke and his assistant. Apparently, the colonel was very upset during the conference. He yelled at everyone present in the meeting, saying that someone from Section Four snitched on him and betrayed him. I’m sure his handler from the CIA saw the message I sent out about the colonel. So he probably got word from his superior that not only was I pissed off at him, I also reported him. Anyway, the colonel accused Juke of ratting out on him. Two days after that, the following unspeakable events took place in Juke’s life. On February 7, 2014 his eight-year old son James was shot behind

473 MARLENE AGUILAR his back in Tarlac where he lived with his mother including his two siblings, a boy and a girl. The evening of February 8, 2014, Juke drove to Tarlac with the colonel’s sidekick. He waited until the next day to leave because he had to gather enough money for his son’s surgery. The sidekick came with Juke because they had business to attend to. They had six guns with licenses ready for delivery. On the morning of February 9, 2014 as he was about to walk out the door with his younger son, men attacked them from the outside and riddled his house with bullets. He took three bullets and his son was shot and killed on the spot. On February 12, 2014, his older son James died in the hospital. Juke rushed his wife and daughter to his in-law’s house for safety. He didn’t admit himself to the hospital despite the fact he had three gunshot wounds and one bullet was stuck in his leg. On February 14, 2014 at around 2pm I heard the colonel was relieved from his post, and that he was admitted to the hospital due to a stress attack he suffered after receiving the bad news. I learned later that his sidekick was relieved as well. I have also been informed that a certain general would replace the colonel. Later that day, I spoke to Trax and insisted she tells Juke to admit himself to a hospital. He needed surgery to remove the bullet that was stuck in his leg, which was already terribly swollen because of infection. She followed my bidding. At 2am on February 15, 2014 a group of gunmen attacked his in-law’s house and sprayed it with bullets. His daughter died instantly. The culprits meant to kill SPO3 Juke, but they didn’t know he had gone to the hospital so he was spared. All of Juke’s children were murdered within one week after the colonel accused him of something he didn’t do. Juke believes that the colonel and other CIA assets within the National Police marked him because of me. According to him some

474 MIRROR OF MIND of the policemen at Section Four have been informed about the possibility that I may become the next president of the Philippines. The colonel was supposed to play a vital part in my life. Like he said he was promoted because of me. He was supposed to protect me. The colonel was aspiring to become a general sooner than later, so he thought. Pulpol thought Juke provided me with information against him. So when he and his sidekick were removed from their post, Pulpol ordered his men to kill Juke as vengeance. Juke’s son James was shot first so he would go home to Tarlac where they planned to kill him. The sidekick accompanied the SPO3 because he was to make sure his peer was murdered. He was also supposed to steal the six expensive guns that were Juke’s responsibility. This is what the SPO3 believes and Trax agrees with him. In your life, these events are probably unknown. I tried to run away from this world of death and destruction. My life with Stephen Pollard had been blessed with bliss during the first eight years we lived together. I had a fabulous existence in this matrix filled with contentment and love, until the US government came back into my life the day I met Caesar in 2007. “Brace yourself child,” the old lady seer warned me after meeting the commander. “The life you know will never be the same again,” she cautioned. That was over six years ago. I strongly believe CIA assets were involved in these hideous acts against Juke. I told you this story to give you a clearer picture of what had transpired in my life during the last four years. After a hundred heavily armed men attacked my home to murder my son and me, the powers that be made sure violence in my life continued. Today, February 15, 2014 I sent a message to the brotherhood in Washington, DC. I told them, “If men such as your assets from the

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Division were to secure my safety during the next protest, I am not going. I refuse to work with beasts such as these animals.” Tonight seven heavily armed men are on their way to Tarlac to help Juke and get him out of there to safety. God help them. Violence begets violence. It’s a cycle that is not easily appeased. The following events transpired after Juke’s children were murdered. On February 16, 2014, the sidekick’s home was attacked by a group of heavily armed men. All six of his children were abducted. On February 17, 2014 the colonel was abducted and killed. He was beheaded. On February 20, 2014 Juke’s wife was abducted from her parent’s home. He had left her behind when his peers came to rescue him. She was never seen again. On February 22, 2014, the sidekick was exterminated. After that, his wife was killed as well. To the best of my knowledge, Juke is alive and I hope the goddess of love shines her love upon him as he pursues his agonizing journey through this paradox. The goddess of Karma does not sleep. Believe me, she doesn’t. Like the oracles predicted many years ago, “Heaven will pluck all those in my way. All those with me will rise with me, and all my enemies will die. “ There are times I ask the divine forces why innocent children must suffer along the way. “Everything happens for a reason,” they say. So what happened to Orig? What happened to the policeman that tortured Trax? He’s dead. Of course that animal is dead, as all maggots that persecuted those I love and me, will die. How did Orig die? I will tell you. One day while he was crossing a bridge in Bagong Ilog, Pasig on his motorcycle, the structure collapsed. He fell off the passage and died. A week later, during his funeral, a group of men carried his coffin to bring his corpse to the cemetery. His family and friends

476 MIRROR OF MIND joined the procession. They passed through the other side of the same bridge that killed him. Suddenly, the channel cracked open on that side of the pavement shaking the road. The men carrying the dead man’s casket lost control of their cargo. Orig’s coffin fell off the bridge. The casket broke and shattered into pieces upon hitting the ground below. Therefore, Orig’s carcass smashed against the face of the earth with a bang. Do I have any doubt that the monsters that cause my allies and me harm would suffer horrible deaths? No, absolutely not. Recently, I posted this statement on my Facebook wall. I wrote: “To the US government and the Illuminati – I am not a politician. I will never be one. So do not expect me to join hands with your whores in the semblance of political candidates and religious leaders. If you are looking for a whore to lead the Philippines, then choose a politician like you have always done in the past. Many of these candidates aspiring to run for the next election would suck your dicks to get elected, as they have sucked your dicks in the past. You have tormented me for more than six years to make me obey. You keep my son in jail to control me. I would rather die than become your slave. So fuck you! Fuck all of you!” My older sister Aida asked me recently why I give you so much information regarding my relationship with the US. Why should I not tell you? On the contrary, I wish I could tell you everything! After being plagued by the CIA for several years, I decided to cooperate. What else was I suppose to do? After all, everything under the sun is negotiable. So I negotiated and gave them my terms. I also firmly believe that my people are better off with me than without me. I do not believe any person in the Philippines could negotiate with the brotherhood better than me. And as far as the enemies of America are concerned, I should hope they know enough about me

477 MARLENE AGUILAR to understand that I am a very fair person. All things considered, what powers me is that fact that I have found the balance between yin and yang. I am not the enemy of man. Ultimately, there is only one planet and one mankind. I have worked so hard to find peace and enlightenment in this journey of life. I feel so blessed by all that is because I have found the very center between the infinite forces of yin and yang. However, cosmic energies continue to force me to engage in world of anguish, death and destruction. Is this the life heaven wants for me? If that is so, I accept it with all humility. Of late, the cybercrime law has been implemented. There is now martial law in the Philippines on the Internet, which allows the government to remove posts and links they find derogatory against the system from the global computer network. On February 26, 2014, Arlene Regala wrote this statement on my Facebook wall. She said, “Ms. Aguilar just FYI most of your interviews on YouTube have been banned. Since I started reading your books I became interested in your interviews so I started searching you on the Internet and found several postings about you. Today I went back to those links and everything has been banned. Damn it. I just want to let you know that I personally believe in you and I admire how you speak up for our country. I salute you, Madame!!!!” “The government banned my interviews because I speak the truth. Thank you,” I replied. Are the evil vultures in the guise of government officials in the Philippines going to stop my destiny? No. That is not possible. Maya is going away on a field trip tomorrow. They are going to Subic, a place by the ocean where the US naval base used to be. This is her second field trip there. I remember how much she enjoyed the first one.

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Last week, Maya came home with her report card for the first semester. She currently has seven teachers at the International School Manila. Eric Bird who is Canadian is her teacher in English and Social Studies. He is also her adviser. We have met Eric a few times and Steve and I both feel our daughter is fortunate to have him as teacher and adviser. We all say he reminds us of John Travolta. Needless to say, Maya adores Mr. Eric. Because of that, I adore him too. Steve read Maya’s report card first. After that he to told me our daughter is doing well in school. He added, I should read it and praise Maya for doing a good job in school, which I did. In English class, this is what Eric Bird wrote about Maya Aguilar Pollard’s performance: “Maya is continually growing in confidence as a learner and working hard in English. With a strong sense of self, she contributed articulately to class discussions; her ideas and strong personality provided valuable input to conversations. Maya worked to complete assigned reading and writing tasks and grew her ability to write for a variety of purposes. Her narrative had clear ideas, however, she needs to develop her hook and create stronger conclusions. In her poem, Winter Choir she adeptly used figurative language and skillfully created a definite mood through her use of vivid language. She did an excellent job of creating a power point that was visually pleasing. When presenting, Maya knew her poem well and spoke loudly enough for the audience to hear easily. In Social Studies, Mr. Eric stated: “Maya showed strength this semester through her ability to ask good questions. She asked deeper, more thought-provoking questions that solved problems and investigated ideas. Maya is usually committed to her learning and insures her work reflects

479 MARLENE AGUILAR what she is capable of producing. She had a good understanding of mapping concepts and was able to utilize this understanding when completing her mapping booklet about Ancient Greece. Her understanding of culture deepened as she made some sound connections that reflected her knowledge of culture components and associated roles with society. It would benefit Maya to clarify task expectations following an absence to ensure greater success with her learning. She used a variety of strategies to engage the audience while presenting about her topic.” Miss Catherine Rankin is my daughter’s Drama teacher. I think she’s British. This is what she said on Maya’s report card: “Maya has a strong sense of fairness, justice and respect for the dignity of the individual and the group. She has made some discoveries and connections in Drama this semester. This semester in Grade 5, Maya’s class was presented with introduction to Drama. In introduction to Drama, we investigated the building blocks of what makes a presentation and Maya presented a small performance using freeze frames. The Storytelling unit culminated in her performance of Cat Dog. It was great to work with Maya this semester.” We are planning to take Maya to the Kingdom of Bhutan during her school vacation. It is a landlocked country located at the eastern end of the Himalayas, south of Asia. According to Wikipedia a landlocked country “is a country entirely enclosed by land, or whose only coastlines lie on closed seas. There are 48 landlocked countries in the world, including partially recognized states. No landlocked countries are found on the continents of North America, Australia, and Antarctica.” Bhutan is bordered by India to the south, east and west, and bordered to the north by China. Nepal is located on the west after the Indian state of Sikkim. Bangladesh is located on the south

480 MIRROR OF MIND after the Indian states of West Bengal and Assam. Thimphu is the country’s largest city and capital. Bhutan’s natural landscape is subtropical plains in the south and sub-alpine around the altitudes of the Himalayan Mountains where some heights go beyond 23,000 feet. Vairayana Buddhism is the common practiced religion in Bhutan followed by Hinduism. Its population during last year’s survey is around three quarters of a million. According to a worldwide survey in 2006, Business Week rated Bhutan as the happiest country in Asia and the eighth happiest country on earth. Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuk is the fifth and reigning Dragon King of Bhutan, son of His Majesty Jigme Singye Wangchuk. He was born on February 21, 1980 and became king on December 9, 2006. The king’s declared national policy is, “Gross national happiness before gross national product.” His people venerate him. Steve, Maya and I are so looking forward to our trip to Bhutan in July. We have been traveling with our daughter since she was four or five years old. She has been to England, Ireland, Wales, US, Indonesia, Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Turks and Caicos Islands, and of course the Philippines. Bhutan will be the 13th country my daughter visits when we go there later this year. She is eleven years old. Maya, how lucky you are that you were born out of two parents with freedom of mind. So walk the earth with your head held up high. You were born bestowed with more natural gifts than most people. Maya, this is the last chapter of this book. I just want to say that I’m so proud of you. I look at you and I know. I know you will push the human race forward. I pray to all the heavens you find a man like your father as your lifetime partner. Then I will die smiling the

481 MARLENE AGUILAR most peaceful smile knowing you will not be alone in this amazing journey of life. Stephen Pollard has been my partner in this matrix for over fourteen years. How did that happen? How is that possible when it seems like yesterday when I first saw him? Still, it also seems like forever since I have been with this brilliant man. Steve is my brother, my confidante, my lover, my partner, my husband, Maya’s father, my best friend and my soul consort. Stephen Pollard, what do I think when I hear thy name? I think of the gentlest of souls like clear water that softly glides down the river. I think of a loving man whose heart sings with birds greeting the early morning light. I think of a genuine soul whose eyes shine with great wonder staring at the dreamy sunset consuming the sky with its breath of fire. I think of a man who dreams of dreams and dreams, longing for the next time we could hold each other’s hand and conquer the unknown of traveling to a new and foreign land. I think of my husband who thrives to see me smile. I think of a mind so vast and astounding it embraces mine. I think of a man who brings out the best in me, a man who loves me and accepts me for who I am. I think of the very same man, my eternal soul companion who stood by me against the world, and against all odds. Steve, thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for loving me. And thank you for loving those I love. Let us now go back in time for a moment. In Warriors of Heaven, I told you that I couldn’t accept the destiny the older oracles saw in my future. Because of this, I fought with the lady seer relentlessly for so many years. She saw Caesar arriving in my life ten years prior to me meeting the commander in the flesh. The oracles’ predictions about my life were so astounding I decided to find another geomancer

482 MIRROR OF MIND to read my tarot. That’s how Paulie came into my life. However, his predictions about my life were the same. In addition, he used a separate deck of tarot only for me saying, “No other man should touch my cards because I am no mortal.” As I think back, tears flow from my eyes while typing this. What pain I have endured to get to where I am today. Still, the mortal in me remains astounded by the words of the oracles. She remains surprised by the prediction of seers who call me by many names – warrior queen, Nemesis, holy grail, goddess of life, goddess of death, the true daughter of heaven on earth, Gaea herself, the one who has the power to command yin and yang forces. Yes, the mortal in me remains in awe concerning the words of the prophets. But even the earthling in me knows there is something unknown and divine inside me. She’s heard her silent voice. She’s felt her. She’s seen her. The mortal in me knows. She knows the divine in me can talk to the earth. She can talk to the wind, the trees, the grass, the birds, the mountains, the rivers, the oceans, the moon and the stars, the sun and all that is beyond. In Warriors of Heaven, I told you I believe that to honor nature is to honor god. Therefore, in that manner, I am Buddhist. However, I truly do not embrace any one particular religion. I was baptized a Roman Catholic. Nonetheless, there is no religious conviction I loathe more than Catholicism. Historical facts show that the Vatican Church is sanctioned by treachery, deceit, murder and evil. And nothing would give me more joy than to see its obliteration. How could such a malevolent institution like the Vatican Church reign for centuries? How could over a billion people believe in only Ten Commandments? How could over a billion people follow the

483 MARLENE AGUILAR conviction of a religion that gives importance only to men but not to nature? The Ten Commandments speak of a vain, self-absorbed, conceited god, a narcissistic and limited god who is so blinded; he failed to mention the necessity for human beings to protect the natural world. The Ten Commandments mention nothing about safeguarding the birds, the air, the forests, the mountains, the fish, the rivers, the seas and all other forms of life on this planet. No wonder people destroy the very thing that gives them life – that is mother earth herself. Do you want to find god? Do you really want to feel the very essence of the one great force that gives power to everything? Then hear me, and hear me well. Detach yourself from this reality. Close your eyes. There is a world inside you filled with the dimness of the night. Go there. In that dark void lies your inner self. Keep your eyes closed and confront the unknown. Let your spirit guide you. Trust in it. Take it slow and take your time. Do not be afraid of the abyss. Have faith. Believe in yourself. Erase all your doubts and let go. Just fall. Fall. Fall deeper and deeper into that black hole with only faith as your guide. Fall deeper and deeper until you and the vortex become one and the same. Only then will you find the part of you that owns that void. When you do, you will discover that at the very center of that endless blackness is the magic of light. At last, you will have found the throne of god, the very essence of all that is here and beyond. God is inside you. I believe my creed rises above all religions on earth. I do not believe in a god that demands blind obedience. I believe in a god that respects and admires the freedom of my mind. I do not believe in a god that makes me afraid of death and hell. I believe in a god that has made me fearless. I do not believe in a god that

484 MIRROR OF MIND makes me doubt myself. I believe in a god that has given me wisdom and omnipotence. I do not believe in a god that says I am mortal. I believe in a god that says my soul is eternal. After all, I am immortal. Do you see what I am saying? I am saying that my god is I. I think one of the reasons you enjoy reading my books is because I’m not selling you any political beliefs. I’m not selling you religion. I’m showing you freedom from the material world of men. I am showing you the road to self-belief. If you’ve read all my non-fiction novels, you probably think you know me. But there is so much more to me. There is so much more to tell. The truth about my life is like looking at a round and spinning crystal. It has many sides and verges. Imagine light shining on every surface of that round object. And that light twinkles every time you blink your eye. Every periphery of that round entity changes color with the shimmering light. They move to a never-ending dance. Therefore, my truth has many angles. Such is my relationship with my one and true father, my soul consort, the sun god Ra. My connection with Ra has many phases and faces. I wonder if any of you would ever see the very center from which all those countless angles connect. It has taken me six non-fiction books to learn a whole new different perspective about my crazy life. When I look back now, I see crucial events in the past in a different light. I wouldn’t have this new insight if I didn’t write all those chapters about my life. By the way, from here on when I say brotherhood, I mean the Illuminati, and not the allegiance of pussies in Washington, DC. So, after writing six autobiographies, I have several questions I would like to present to you, which I did not ask myself before. They are the following: Did Marcus, by his own volition, kill Jason’s father Robert Ivler?

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Or did the brotherhood order my first husband’s assassination? Marcus failed in his mission involving the sale of the eight boxes of uranium, the components needed to make an atomic bomb. The enemy captured him because of his failure. But why was he allowed to call me in my home in Massachusetts while they tortured him? Why was he allowed to call me several times? Did the brotherhood do this on purpose to see how I would react to such horror? Did they want to inflict such fear in me so I’d run? Run where? I did run to the Philippines after Marcus was captured. Was it the brotherhood’s intention for me to return to my homeland? Has the brotherhood been pushing me to take certain paths all along? During a reading with the old lady seer, she stared at the tarot for a long time. After that, she stared into my eyes, questioning my being. Then she said, “I wonder if you were not planted by the US in the Philippines?” Has she been working with the CIA? If so, how long? What did they tell her? When Rebecca Padilla and I met Miss California in my home, the agent mentioned that I have been under surveillance for a long time. Then I asked her, “Have you seen my file?” She replied, “No.” Then she smiled a strange wicked smile. And looking at Becca, she stated, “There are files, but then there are files. You know what I’m sayin’? I haven’s seen Marlene’s file.” So why didn’t they show Miss California my file? After all, they sent her to work with me. I knew of Howard Marks many years before I met him in the flesh. It is because Marcus was one of the CIA agents the US used to bring down his cartel. I met Howard while Marcus was missing, after Marcus’ fall. I met Howard at Le Soufflé, an elegant French Mediterranean restaurant in Greenbelt, Makati. Billy King, the Irish owner is the chef and is a good friend. The place catered to the elite, business and diplomatic community in the Philippines.

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I had gone to the restaurant one evening with Missy Moore, one of my soul children. After dinner, we sat at the round bar drinking our red wine. I had with me a small red Charles Jourdan purse, a gift from Senator Juan Ponce Enrile. It had my wallet and my mobile phone inside it. That was the night I met Howard Marks. Remember Howard Marks is one of the best criminal minds the world has ever known. He was also connected to the CIA, IRA, Mafia and the MI6. He meets Marlene Aguilar, a former CIA asset at the bar. According to Billy King, no theft has ever been reported at Le Soufflé during its six years of operation. But that evening, my red purse was stolen. Coincidence? I used think so, but not anymore. Did Howard have my bag stolen? Did the brotherhood send him to me knowing I’d be attracted to him because of his exceptional criminal mind? Did they send him knowing we’d fall in love? Did they send him so he could watch over me closely? Is Howard Marks connected to the brotherhood? Why else was he allowed to trade up to 20 tons of marijuana and hashish all over the world for over a decade without being busted? The magical man I discussed in chapter six of Warriors of Heaven met with me behind closed doors for over six hours in 1997. This was before Internet became popular. He had a strong gift of sight like me. He represented a secret society. He showed me the logo of their allegiance. It showed the image of the eye like the eye used by the Illuminati, but his was more archaic. I tried to search for the image on the Internet but I couldn’t find it. He told me about certain events in history that have not been written. He told me about the future of the world. He also told me about a divine person who would rise into fame in the Philippines and that this person would be persecuted. He said his job was to find this person. I thought he called for me to hire me to help them find the

487 MARLENE AGUILAR divine being. I didn’t know then I was the mark. Like I said, his psychic gifts were strong like mine. Did the brotherhood send this man to me so he could peer into my soul? Did the brotherhood send this man to me to confirm if I am indeed the divine messenger they searched for? Does the brotherhood keep people like Wes Penre and me alive because they need enemies? After all, to manage the world is like making a film. The director needs bad guys and good guys to sell the story and make it compelling. Do I hate the brotherhood? Absolutely and with every breath I take. How could I not hate them? They have caused those I love and me unbearable pain for almost seven years now. However, something very strange happened between these men and me during this period of time. My soul embraced their souls in the process. I bonded with their minds and spirits. I got very close to them because they tormented me. I have always aspired to understand my enemy. So, over the years I got to know the brotherhood. I know these men more than they think. I have visited them in their dreams countless of times while they sleep. I realize many of you wouldn’t understand what I am about to confess. The brotherhood is my enemy. Yes, that is true and I hate them. But I love them, too. It’s true. Why should I not love them? After all, I wouldn’t be the omnipotent human being I am today without them. They are a crucial part of my life. They are a vital part of my fate. As Jesus Christ needed Judas to fulfill his destiny, I need the brotherhood to fulfill mine. My relationships with these vile men have come full circle. I love them and hate them in equal measures. Moreover, I have found the perfect center regarding my love and hatred toward these men.

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There is freedom where there is balance. Therefore, despite their evil deeds against me, I am free. The moment has come to end this book and I am having a hard time letting it go. Maybe it is because I feel in my heart I will not be able to write another book for a long time. I hate goodbyes. I will miss talking to you. I will miss sharing my thoughts with you. And I will miss sharing my life with you. Before I go, I want to ask you a favor. So please read my last few words below carefully and with an open heart. No matter what happens to me, no matter what the brotherhood does with me, you must remember one thing. I belong only to my soul.

THE END

489 Author’s website: www.marleneaguilar.com