Th e student ‘news’paper of Imperial College London

Issue 1,406 felix Friday 6 June 2008 felixonline.co.uk

Mental statistics Inside Festivals, and more festivals Felix investigates Imperial’s sanity and College’s Counselling Service. See pages 3 to 5

Pages 16 & 17 and 24 & 25

Live(!) NUS affiliation debate

Page 2

St. Laurent

Page 19

Travels without my Aunt: Amsterdam

Page 27 2 felix Friday 6 June 2008

News News Editor – Andrew Somerville [email protected] NUS affiliation Question OxbridgeEssays.com group Time debate: 12/06, 5:30pm advertising on campus NUS President, Wes Streeting, to face off against ICU President

The debate is on: Thursday 12th June in the Upper Dining Hall on the first floor of the Union. Wes Streeting, left, and Steve Brown will be on the panel. Pitch your questions to either team: email [email protected]

Tom Roberts the first floor of the Union at 5:30pm for you. You can direct them at either Editor-in-Chief on Thursday 12th June. Those attend- side, or ask a general question of both ing are advised to arrive 15 minutes teams. The NUS (National Union of Students) beforehand. A few days after the debate, students affiliation debate will move up a gear Imperial’s student news website can expect to be harassed and bribed next week, when the student media Live! (live.cgcu.net) will be teaming up around campus when campaigners holds a ‘Question Time’ style debate with student television society stoic from both teams will be urging you to with key figures from both campaign to make the discussion available to as vote in their favour. teams. many people as possible – the event Felix will be bringing you a plethora NUS President, Wes Streeting, will will be broadcast online on Live! from of comment pieces in next week’s is- be in attendance trying to convince 5:30pm onwards. The feed will also be sue, plus make sure to keep an eye on students why ICU should remain af- available to download afterwards, so live.cgcu.net/nus for regular updates filiated with the institution. Imperial that students can weigh up the panel- from NUS advocates and sceptics College Union (ICU) President, Steve lists’ opinions to help inform how they alike. Brown, has confirmed that he will also should vote in answer to the referen- be on the panel campaigning for dis- dum’s question: “Should Imperial Col- Voting officially opens from 17th affiliation from the NUS. They will lege Union remain affiliated with the to 23rd June. If you would like On Monday, Felix was handed a bunch of fliers from the Oxbridge be joined by two more panellists, one NUS?” to get involved in either team’s Editing company, offering to improve our writeing skils. The each from either side of the campaign- The debate is open to all students campaign, contact the referen- company is part of The Oxbridge Research Group which also runs ing spectrum. Felix Politics Editor and to attend, but to ensure you get a seat dum’s Returning Officer, Alistair controversial website OxbridgeEssays.com. The controversy arises Student Trustee, Kadhim Shubber, email [email protected] to reserve a Cott, on [email protected]. because students can pay to have their coursework edited by will attempt his best David Dimbleby place. You can also give the panel a If you would like to have your ‘professionals’. It’s even possible for students to buy entire essays if impression by taking on the duty of grilling yourself by emailing questions opinion on the NUS heard, they can afford to. What students do with the essays is up to them, chairing the debate. to the same address. If your question contact either Felix or Live! on but it’s widely felt the companies are damaging the prospects of The debate is scheduled to take place is selected, you can voice it in person [email protected] or honest students who work hard to write their own essays in the Upper Dining Hall (UDH) on on the night or have the Chair ask it [email protected] respectively.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London felix 1,406 SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, 17 Brest Road, Derriford, Plymouth. Registered newspaper Friday 6/6/08 ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2008.

Felix was brought to you by:

Editor-in-Chief Business Editor Music Editors LOLCATS Tom Roberts Afonso Campos Peter Sinclair Susan Yu Deputy & News Editor Politics Editors Andrew Somerville Li-Teck Lau Technology Editor James Finnerty

Deputy & Politics Editor Arts Editors OF TEH WEEK Kadhim Shubber Rosie Grayburn Travel Editors Caz Knight Ahranyan Arnold International Editor & David Paw Nadine Richards Busybody-in-Chief Emily Wilson Ammar Waraich Gilead Amit Nightlife Editor Fashion Editors Copy Editors Greg Mead Sarah Skeete Louise Etheridge Daniel Wan Tom Culley Film Editor Anthony Maina Zuzanna Blaszczak Sports Editor Gilead Amit Jovan Nedić Jesse Garman Games Editors Azfarul Islam Photography Science Editor Sebastian Nordgren Sally Longstaff Ed Henley Vitali Lazurenko Friday 6 June 2008 felix 3 [email protected] News Mental health at IC: Who cares? Imperial’s Student Counselling Service found wanting when compared with national student figures

Tom Roberts & Andrew Somerville 4% – Self 4% – Transitions 4% – Abuse Felix has uncovered data suggesting & Identity that mental health receives less atten- 19% – Academic tion and fewer resources at Imperial 16% – Relationships than nationally. Also discovered was that Imperial students suffer propor- tionally far more from academic stress than comparable institutions (ie: ‘Old Universities’ comprising of the Russell Group and a few others). This week, Felix obtained the latest student mental health statistics from the Imperial College Student Coun- 15% –

selling Service (SCS), coinciding with Anxiety STUDENT COUNSELLING SERVICE BY PROVIDED DATA a special feature examining student depression. The Counselling Service’s annual report documents data from the previous academic year (2006-07) and indicates a continuing increase in 12% – Loss/ the general upward trend in referrals Bereavement to the service over the last nine years, 18% – Depression & Mood Change but exhibits a massive disparity with national data obtained by Felix. The percentage breakdown of issues presented to Imperial College’s Student Counselling Service (SCS) during the 2006-07 academic year. Felix also spoke to students with ex- Depression dominates counselling services nationally, however, IC has 29% more cases of academic stress compared to other UK institutions perience of the Counselling Service, mainly being referred as individuals suffering from depression. Their opin- ions of mental health at Imperial have Undergraduates are statistically un- average of 436 cases every year. Impe- age of students requiring counselling could.” The comments were echoed by been mixed, with some highly critical derrepresented in the statistics, with rial’s service records 55% fewer individ- is compared: an average of 3.5% need SCS’ Senior Counsellor, David Allman, comments of the Counselling Service. only 55% of SCS users being under- ual sessions, and the SCS’ 2.6 Full-time counselling across the UK, whilst only who admitted that their resources were The last year showed a 10.5% increase grads, whilst they make up 64% of the Equivalent staff is more than an entire 2.1% of IC students receive counselling limited and that they would like to in- in the number of students contact- College as a whole. In comparison PhD staff member less than the national av- according the latest report. The reason crease them, “but ultimately it depends ing the SCS compared to the previous students make most use of the service: erage of 3.7 full-time counsellors. for this disparity is unclear, but appears on College’s decision.” year. This figure is almost double the 25% of the total, whilst only 19% of There are two striking differences to boil down to three possible explana- Kate, a less impressed user of the increase in the number of students at campus. between the national and Imperial tions: Imperial students are less prone SCS, told Felix: “College’s counselling Imperial year-on-year, suggesting that Overall, 2.1% of students at Imperial statistics. to mental health issues; Imperial stu- service isn’t very helpful to those who a rising proportion of IC students are required counselling in 2006-07. Firstly, when the reasons for coun- dents are not getting the help they actually need their help. I guess it looks requiring some form of Counselling Felix compared this data to national selling are compared between Imperial need; or Imperial students are seeking good on paper to have such a service for mental health issues. This increase figures compiled by the Association and ‘Old Universities,’ the most com- help outside of the university. though.” She went on to compare Im- is either due to increasing awareness for University and College Counsel- mon issues at IC are depression and Felix interviewed three depression perial to other institutions around the of the College’s counselling services or ling (AUCC). Most of the institutions academic stress. Elsewhere depression sufferers whose opinions of Impe- country: “A friend at another uni re- that more students are encountering that supplied their counselling service’s remains dominant whilst academic rial’s SCS varied. “Due to their lim- ceived regular support from the coun- difficulties during their studies. Not data to the AUCC had similar popula- stress is in fourth place (out of sixteen), ited resources, I was told that students selling service for the duration of their only are more students in need of the tions to Imperial, with IC’s 12,129 stu- averaging 29% fewer cases than Impe- couldn’t really use [the SCS] as a long studies. I wish Imperial could have service, they are requiring more ses- dents being extremely close to the aver- rial. One PhD student told Felix that term therapy,” said Anna. “There was done the same for me when I asked sions to combat their issues with an age of 12,500. However, Imperial’s SCS “this is obviously a bad thing, but it not the time to build up the therapeu- them to.” increase of 16% in the number of one- statistics are strikingly lower than the doesn’t surprise me as students are un- tic relationship that I needed to really to-one Counselling sessions between national averages. A massive 44% fewer der a great deal of stress here.” open up and progress … but I am thank- Turn over for Felix’s special 2006 and 2007. students use the SCS than the national Secondly, when the total percent- ful that they saw me for as long as they feature examining depression

Miners offend the Cornish Imperial getting set for university entrance exams Jovan Nedić Incoming Editor-in-Chief Kadhim Shubber to applicants. While new entrance ex- The Royal School of Mines (RSM) have Deputy & Politics Editor ams will be developed for most under- managed to cause controversy, and graduate courses, Biomedical science bring the national media’s spotlight Imperial College Rector, Sir Richard students will take the already estab- onto Imperial College Union (ICU), Sykes, has criticised state schools for lished BMAT over a comment made on their hockey failing their students and voiced con- He also made wider comments on club’s website. The offending comment cerns that it is extremely difficult to the state of education in the UK, saying directed at the Camborne School of differentiate university applicants us- it was “frightening” that 40% of Impe- Mines (CSM) read: ing their A-Level grades. He also laid rial undergraduates came from the 7% “The Royal School of Mines Hockey out plans for an entrance exam for ap- of the student population that attend- Club follows in a long line of RSM plicants to Imperial. ed private institutions. He claimed that sporting prowess but most of all its Kids, Cornish people do not look like Jupiter from The Hills Have Eyes An entrance exam for subjects other something radical was needed to save about fun, drinking and beating the than medicine, which already employs the 93% who are state schooled and pulp out of little Cornish inbreds who the BMAT (BioMedical Admissions were “not getting the education that like to call themselves miners”. Cllr Hicks told Western Morning entire affair as friendly rivalry between Test), will begin in 2010 and could set they deserve”. The rector further slated A Cornish Councillor, namely Grae- News. “You expect idiots to say these two institutions, with David Laverty, the model for entrance exams around state schools by stating: “We have in me Hicks, found this remark highly of- things but this was on a student un- CSM President, in agreement. “It’s just the country. The Rector said at the In- this country some of the best second- fensive and discriminatory to Cornish ion website linked to Imperial College banter, it’s the same year in, year out. dependent Schools Council’s annual ary education in the world but only a people and demanded that the state- London – I think it’s absolutely dis- It rolls off your back. I’m not an inbred conference that nearly all applicants to few percentage of people benefiting ment be removed with a formal apol- graceful. If you said that about a black and the Cornish are not inbreds.” Imperial had 4 or 5 A-Levels and “Even from it,” and suggesting that bright ogy to be issued by ICU. Subsequently, person you would be in court.” Some Imperial students have taken if you interview all the students you still children should be “saved” by remov- Union President, Stephen Brown, had The BBC news website picked up on great offence to Cllr Hicks attitude, have a problem [selecting the best].” He ing them from state schools and giving the statement changed. The word “Cor- the story too, and since then, the entire who believe he has publicly offended a went on to defend A-Levels but em- them a private school education with nish” was replaced with “The Cam- sentence has been removed from the large cohort of IC students by tarring phasised that due to “grade inflation” it government funding. bourne School of Mines” as he felt this Union’s website. Formal apologies have them all with the same brush. was impossible to use A-Levels as the However one might take the Rec- would “allow students of the RSM to also been sent to Cllr Hicks from both Rumours that Stephen Brown is main discriminatory factor. tor’s apparent sudden concern for the continue to insult their rivals at CSM.” Stephen Brown and Pro Rector, Prof quaking in his boots after some West- The entrance exam will not replace education of state school pupils with a This was still not enough for the Buckingham. ern Morning News readers called for A-Levels but serve as an added dis- pinch of salt, given his previous calls to councillor. “I was horrified to see this,” Many students have dismissed the him to be sacked, are a little hazy. criminatory factor when making offers raise the cap on tuition fees. 4 felix Friday 6 June 2008 Dying on the inside or living hell Depression is the most common mental health issue that students in UK universities suffer from, but it’s often disregarded as a medical excuse. Sally Longstaff examines causes, symptoms and available treatments

hat life-threatening disease do an estimated 121 Physical symptoms Psychological symptoms million people W worldwide of depression of depression currently suffer from? At least one in five adults will suffer from it in Suicidal Impulses Sleep Problems Low Mood Depressive Thinking their lifetime, and each year over two million cases are diagnosed in the UK. In the depths of depression, the past These are common in depression Not everyone who has depression Depressive thinking has three Women are diagnosed as suffering looks full of mistakes, the present and are sometimes to blame for feels low. Some are anxious or elements: negative thinking e.g. “I from it twice as often as men. What is is awful and the future is dreaded. tiredness that depressed people feel. emotionally numb, and some am a failure”; high, unreasonable this disease, often hidden away behind This leads some to conclude that Sufferers may wake earlier and not experience a change in behaviour. expectations e.g. “I cannot be layers of shame and casual attitudes life isn’t worth living. Many people be able to sleep, or not able to drop Low mood is more than just happy unless everyone likes me”; towards mental health? Depression. with depression think about suicide, off at night, due to anxiousness. feeling disappointed or fed up. and mistakes in thinking, such as Clinical Depression is a severe but most do not go through with Sometimes it’s a vicious circle: wor- It’s a persistent feeling of sadness, jumping to negative conclusions, psychiatric illness that a person has it because of beliefs or the effect it rying about not sleeping may lead to emptiness, loss and dread. With focussing on negatives, coming for anything from a few weeks to a few would have on their families. even less sleep. severe depression, low mood can to conclusions on the bases of a years. It can arise for no reason at all, sometimes be worse in the morning single incident and blaming yourself or it can be triggered by a very specific and get a bit better during the for things that are not your fault. event. Sometimes it can even be life- Self Harm Mental and Physical day. It can make it impossible to These negative thinking patterns threatening. Slowing enjoy anything and nothing brings undermine the sufferer, leading to Symptoms vary from person to Self harm is deliberate injury pleasure. With mild depression, worry, low confidence and feelings person, and can be physical as well as inflicted by a person upon their Sufferers may feel tired all the low mood can be worse in the of worthlessness. psychological. The length of suffering own body. Self harmers are time, it’s hard to perform everyday evenings and there may be good varies: it can occur once in a lifetime commonly thought to be suicidal, tasks, everything in an effort and days. Other people’s company may or there can be multiple recurrences; but more often than not, this it can seem that things are slowed bring pleasure although the sufferer Anxiety it can appear either gradually or is not the case. Motives for self down. Speech may be slow and may feel low again when alone. suddenly; and can either last for a few injury are often personal and seem monotonous. Low mood often induces crying, The hormone, adrenaline, is release months or be a life-long disorder. incomprehensible to others. Those sometimes at the slighted upset, or when we feel threatened, which Over the course of these two pages, who harm themselves often say that for no reason at all. directs blood directed to muscles we will examine what depression it allows them to disassociate with Loss of Appetite and the brain so that we can fight or actually is, look at its various their feelings; the pain acts as a flee. This makes us feel on edge and manifestations, how it can be treated, release. Alternatively, self-harm can Food doesn’t seems appetising. For Delusions tense, but the feeling usually passes and how someone can get help if be a release from feeling numb. some hunger may even disappear. quickly if nothing happens. For a they think they are a sufferer of this During severe depression, think- depressed person, these feelings can prevalent illness. ing can become so distorted that last for months, and dreading the the suffer loses touch with reality. day ahead can lead to waking up A delusion is a false belief which is anxious. unshakable; for instance, that one What are the main causes of depression? has divine powers, is a ghost, or can see into the future. Concentration and Memory Problems here is no one cause of released which work together with tities in the morning and diminishing depression and it varies adrenaline to cause a feeling of fright amounts throughout the day. In de- Hallucinations Depression can be all-consuming, from person to person. and anxiousness. pressed people its release is the same and for some it can be difficult Sometimes there are obvi- In most people, the hormone levels all day long. These involve perceiving things that to think about things outside T ous causes for depression, return to normal once the stressful Again, it’s not known whether this is aren’t real, usually sounds, such as their illness. It can be difficult to such as bereavement, loss of a job or situation has passed but in depres- a cause or an effect of depression. voices, but can include seeing or concentrate and so things can be physical illness, but often there are not. sion the system is hyperactive. Cortisol smelling things that aren’t there. easily forgotten. Depression does not affect everyone (one of the hormones released) levels Genetics who has these life events. Some people don’t follow the normal pattern. Usu- may be more at risk of depression than ally, cortisol is released in large quan- There are many genes involved in de- others, but given the right circum- pression and no one knows how exact- stances, almost anyone may become ly they work. There is no evidence of depressed. Often there is more than straightforward inheritance for most one cause. The following factors can forms of depression. So, for example, cause depression: you will not definitely develop depres- sion because a family member has it, Chemical Deficiencies but your risk will be increased. Symptoms of depression may be Personality caused by low levels of certain chemicals in the brain. Between the No single personality type predisposes end of one nerve cell and the next people to depression. However, those there is a small space called a syn- who are obsessional, dogmatic and apse. The nerve cells communicate rigid, and who hide their feelings or get by releasing neurotransmitters into easily anxious may be more at risk. the synapse, which then attach to the other nerve cell and so pass on Family Environment the message. Three important neu- rotransmitters: dopamine, serotonin Losing a parent in childhood, type of and noradrenaline are in short supply parenting, physical or sexual abuse in in depression sufferers. The low levels childhood may all predispose someone lead to faulty brain communication. to depression. However it is not known whether this is a cause or an effect of depres- Stress and Life Events sion. Antidepressant drugs work by increasing the levels of these Stress can lead to depression whether neurotransmitters. it comes in the form of sudden, over- whelming event or as long-term stress. Hormones Depression is six times more common in the six months These may be important in after a markedly stressful life causing depression. Stress event. hormones may be linked to The top ten stressful life depression as the condition events are: death of a spouse, is closely linked to stressful divorce, marital separation, a experiences. prison term, death of a close When a sufferer under- friend, injury or illness, mar- goes a stressful event, a com- riage, losing a job, marital rec- plex series of hormones are onciliation and retirement. Friday 6 June 2008 felix 5

How is depression classified? Famous faces who’ve suffered from depression epression is not simply Reactive Depression a state of feeling sad all the time. This is a very This describes a depression that is common misconception caused by a stressful event and doesn’t D of the illness, and in re- usually last long. Counselling, family ality, a sufferer’s level of depression is support and practical steps may be all very hard to define. The extent of de- that is required. pression falls into one of three broad categories: Endogenous Depression

Buzz Aldrin, astronaut Jim Carrey, ‘actor/comedian’ Queen Victoria, monarch Mild Depression This is depression that comes on for no reason. It’s usually intense and physical The low mood may come and go and symptoms are more likely. It cannot be the illness starts after a specific stress- treated without medical help. ful life event. Anxiety may be present too. Lifestyle changes may be enough Bipolar Disorder to lift this kind of depression. Also known as manic depression. Moderate Depression There are sustained high moods and sustained low moods which can range Low mood is persistent and physical from mild to severe depression. Dur- symptoms are present too. Changes in ing highs sufferers feel elated, need Stephen Fry, legend Charles Darwin, naturalist Winston Churchill, politician lifestyle are unlikely to work and medi- less sleep, have bags of energy, speak cal help is needed. quickly and can have delusions and hallucinations. Severe Depression These can be just as destructive as the lows, due to reckless behaviour or This is a life-threatening illness in poor judgement. which symptoms are intense. Physical symptoms as well as delusions and hal- Seasonal Affective Disorder lucinations are present. Medical help is urgently required. A specific type of depression that may result from decreasing levels of day- Mozart, composer Ewan McGregor, actor Harrison Ford, actor Different names are also given for types light as winter approaches and days depression depending on symptoms: shorten.

How is depression treated and what options are available to sufferers?

or mild depression, there for depression: psychological treat- are. Sufferers may be able to attend drugs that aim to lift your mood, rather and discuss it with your GP, especially are lots of self-help plans ment, drug treatment and physical long-term therapies on the NHS, but than to bring on a high. if you have concerns. that can be found online. It’s treatment. waiting lists are long and they are defi- They don’t eliminate There is a lot of controversy at the worth seeing your GP even Psychological therapies or conversa- nitely not a quick fix. depression out- moment as a study by the University F if you want to use self-help tional therapies are the most popular Counselling lasts for a vari- right, instead of Hull has suggested that antidepres- because they can offer independent, type of treatment for depression. Get- able time, from one session they are intended sants do not work, as they provide no objective advice. ting to the bottom of what causes de- onwards. It doesn’t aim to raise a sufferer’s more benefit than a placebo. However, Sometimes just taking a break when pression and talking about feelings is to change deep rooted mood enough so this study did not test all antidepres- you feel down can help you feel much the main idea. All psychological treat- problems or treat de- that they are well sants and many people claim that they better. Talking things over with a friend ments take a lot of time and commit- pression, but it may get enough to tackle have been helped by them. can help you feel better too. The open ment and are not an easy option. rid of some of the problems their depression with The final treatment available, Elec- acknowledgement of your problems Brief therapies last up to six months that are causing the other means, such troconvulsive Therapy (ECT), is a very is often the starting point for working and usually consist of 4 to 20 weekly depression. as self-help or controversial method, but also one of out solutions. sessions, of one hour each. They usu- For some peo- therapy. the most effective. 8 out of 10 people Lifestyle changes, such as exercise, ally deal with problems in the present, ple drugs such as There are find that it works quickly when prop- can boost well-being and make you fit- such as a relationship breakdown or antidepressants many different erly prescribed. ter at the same time. Your GP can also exam stress. Many brief therapies are can be a very ef- types of antide- ECT is offered to people who have advise you on relaxation techniques. available on the NHS and your GP may fective treatment. pressants, and some not responded to anti-depressants, Taking up a new hobby or activity recommend one. They work by increasing suit people better or are so severely depressed that they can keep you occupied and it breaks Longer term therapies usually con- the neurotransmitters in than others. If your are endangering their lives. Studies the pattern of loneliness and sitting at sist of more than 50 sessions, and are the brain’s synapses and are GP recommends anti- have shown there to be no long term home worrying about problems. often weekly or more than once week- best for moderate and severe depressants then it’s im- brain problems, and whilst it can allow Beyond self-help, there are three ly. These deal with the past and try to depression. Anti-depressants are portant for you to make an patients to begin therapy, it does not main types of treatment available discover why you are the way that you not addictive but they are powerful informed decision. Do some reading solve the causes of depression.

When and how to get help, and where to search for it Useful Websites Useful Contacts

f your low mood affects all parts Students Against Depression Imperial College Health Centre of your life, lasts for two weeks www.studentdepression.org Southside, or brings you to the point of A great website offering loads of South Kensington Campus thinking about suicide, you advice and information. 020 7594 9375/6 I should seek help. Try to think [email protected] of depression as an illness that can be Mind www.imperialcollegehealthcentre. treated. Ninety per cent of people with www.mind.org.uk co.uk depression can be treated by their GP, Website offering insights into treat- who have years of experience of deal- ments and your rights. Student Counselling Service ing with it. Friends are also a great Level 4, Sherfield Building, source of comfort and help. If you MoodGYM 020 7594 9637 cannot talk to your GP, try to talk to a www.moodgym.anu.edu.au [email protected] trusted friend. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy self www.imperial.ac.uk/counselling If you are thinking about suicide, you help website. are at risk of doing it. Get help urgent- London Nightline ly: see a GP, go to Accident or Emer- Mental Health Foundation 02076310101 gency Department, tell a friend or call www.mentalhealth.org.uk [email protected] a helpline, such as the Samaritans. De- Lots of information on depression Skype: www.nightline.org.uk pression can be treated. and other mental health problems. www.nightline.org.uk If you know someone suffering from depression, remember that it can be Depression Alliance National Samaritans very hard for them to approach you already blaming themselves. Reassure talk about their feelings, but respect www.depressionalliance.org 08457 90 90 90 when they are feeling bad. Try to en- them that lots can be done to help their choices. It can be hard work and UK charity with self-help groups [email protected] courage them to seek treatment from them. Show that you care by listen- frustrating, but also an opportunity across the country. www.samaritans.org professionals. Don’t blame them for ing sympathetically and spending to build a closer and more satisfying being depressed, they are probably time with them. Encourage them to relationship. 6 felix Friday 6 June 2008

International [email protected] Headlines from around the globe The world beyond College walls...

Food Crisis Continues

Italy The UN met in Rome earlier this week to approve the allocation of $1.2 billion to the 62 countries most severely affected by this year’s food crisis. The cost of basic foodstuffs is rising and riots over the prices have led to national instability in a variety of hot-spots around the world. Whilst this year’s terrible harvests are largely to blame, the increasing subsidies awarded to the use of crops as biofuels have intensified the problem. The UN’s actions are set to prevent the number of people below the survival line doubling in the near future - a very real risk. Gilead Amit Presidents Mugabe and Ahmadinejad have joined forces to blame the West for the global situation, criticisms which, from irst things first. We have Mugabe’s part, are deemed highly hypocritical. a democratic presiden- tial nominee for the US elections. Finally. F Clinton may have been offered the VP position by the time of going to print but at the time of writing, nothing has been confirmed. Whether or not the Obama-Clinton combination re- ceives the support of their respec- tive voters, it has advantages that could be too good to miss. We’ll Election Results IV see. The election is not going to be out of the headlines for long. Now on to another election. United States Zimbabwean presidential chal- Earlier this week, Senator Barack Obama became the official Democratic nominee for the upcoming Presidential elections. lenger Morgan Tsvangirai has been arrested three weeks be- After months of exhausting debates and prolonged contests in every state, Obama finally obtained the support of enough fore the scheduled run-off. delegates to secure the nomination. With the leader of the Democratic ticket now confirmed, the identity of the Vice- Then released. I’m leaving my Presidential is the subject of increased speculation. Senator Clinton, who has not yet conceded defeat, is clearly the obvious cynicism in the bag on this one. candidate. Despite the lack of any official announcement from the Clinton campaign on this subject, indications from all Come to your own conclusions. directions show that she would be willing to accept the vice-presidential candidacy. The potential ‘dream-team’ of Obama Burma has made it back here and Clinton could be hugely effective in uniting the Democratic party and silencing criticisms of Obama’s inexperience, but this week; the suffering of mil- the move may prove unpopular with supporters of both candidates. Obama has since appointed a triumvirate of experienced lions in the far East deserves Democrats to assist him in chooising someone to fill the number two spot. another chance in the spot- light. “Watch in Wonder as Aid is Deprived from Millions - be Amazed by the ‘feel-bad spec- tacular of the year ‘ (Guardian)”. The 2007/8 food crisis is mak- ing its debut performance this week; be kind. It really has been a Zimbabwean Problems year of appalling harvests around the world; though the belief that crops should serve as bio-fuel Zimbabwe rather than nourishment is mak- President Mugabe’s actions as President are attracting increasing criticism as the date of the Presidential runoff ing things far worse than they need to be. By the way - Ahmadinejad approaches. Only three weeks before the proposed date, opposition candidate Morgan Tsvangirai was arrested and Mugabe agree that the whole for ‘planning to attend an unauthorized meeting’ in the south of the country, before being released several problem is caused by the West. hours later. The arrest is frustrating news for critics of Mugabe’s regime, who see their chance of replacing Nice to see trans-national agree- him decreasing with time. Mugabe has also come under renewed criticism for his agricultural policies, given ment on something, I suppose. his sudden eagerness to criticise the West for some of his own domestic troubles. Most recently, however, he Anyone reading this must still be has been accused of ordering some 30 aid agencies to halt operations, increasing the suffering in the South at college, and I assume must, there- African nation. fore, still have exams. Good luck. Friday 6 June 2008 felix 7 [email protected] International

Nuclear Probe

Syria The Syrian government has recently granted permission for IAEA inspectors to enter the country and search for their alleged nuclear weapons programme. The decision to allow external inspectors comes months after US released intelligence stated that a Syrian nuclear site was ‘not intended for peaceful purposes’, pointing out its similarity to the Iranian nuclear facilities. Syria has persistently denied all such accusations, dismissing them as ‘ridiculous’, although it has indicated its intention to collaborate fully with the IAEA team. Pakistan Explosion

Islamabad Danish intelligence has linked Al Qaeda to last week’s car-bomb explosion outside their embassy in Islamabad. Though no group had claimed responsibility at the time of the Danish announcement, a web posting supposedly made by Al Qaeda has since taken the credit.The blast, which killed 6 and left 24 people injured, is widely believed to be yet another response to the Danish Post- Jyllands prophet controversy. Security measures are being reinforced around all other embassies in Islamabad, and the Danish representation has temporarily closed.

Burma Aid

Burma Latest UN figures indicate that there are still over 3 million Burmese still in need of emergency care, with almost a third of them not having received foreign aid in any form. These problems stem principally from the Burmese government’s continuing refusal to grant access to relief workers, despite official assurances given to the UN. The military junta has persistently rebuffed French, British and American efforts, forbidding access and limiting the role they play in the emergency operations. As a result, large numbers of aid ships are returning home, frustrated at being unable to help. Situation Escalates Sudan Tensions are rising in Sudan as troops from the North and South of the country converge on the oil-rich Abyei area. Both sides claim the rights to the land, which contains some billions of dollars worth of oil, but neither is seems willing to de-escalate the situation. US and UN envoys to the region fear that another deadly crisis may break out in a country already having to deal with millions of displaced people. Although spokesmen for both parties claim their intentions are peaceful, external negotiators are not optimistic, believing that both sides are in fact keen for hostilities to begin.

Designed by Gilead Amit & Kadhim Shubber 8 felix Friday 6 June 2008

Comment, Opinion Let us know your views: [email protected] Letters may be edited for length and grammar purposes & Letters Views on these pages are not representative of Felix NUS affiliation debate – Round 1 The leaders of the ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ campaigns give you a taste of the debate to come. See next week’s Felix for a comprehensive collection of opinions from members of both teams, then cast your vote in the referendum Keep your cool and our voice

’m not a political hack. In fact I welfare volunteers. Next year ICU will even haven’t decided where my have to register as a charity, and NUS is political views lie yet! But I am getting the legal advice on how best to SO annoyed that 24 people in a do this– clubbing together for this sup- I room have voted to spring this port is far cheaper than us paying for it referendum on us right in the middle on our own. And lastly, as we go into of exams, without even getting the the review of top up fees next year we’ll required numbers to sign the referen- need a national voice like never before Soumaya Mauthoor dum petition. to make ourselves heard. ‘Yes’ campaign leader I mean doesn’t democracy mean I’m not trying to pretend that the anything more? The British people are NUS is problem-free. It’s just that the not happy with the EU constitution, so biggest problem with the NUS is well, what does the Government do? They US. Yes us. But if the NUS didn’t ex- ratify the Lisbon Treaty. Nobody want- ist, we’d have to invent it. You have the ed the war, and what does the govern- biggest student organisation in Europe, ment do? They threaten Iran. I am just discussing, researching and campaign- SO tired of being told that our elected ing on issues that affect students. We leaders know better than us! have the brains and the drive to actual- The whole issue boils down to this ly get things done. Yes the various fac- – at the NUS Annual Conference in tions within the NUS each have their April, the proposed changes to NUS Last August, the NUS helped force HSBC to rethink its plans to charge agenda, so sometimes it takes time governance, aimed at giving the union graduates 9.9% on their overdrafts when they finished their degree to come to a consensus, but hey wel- a more democratic structure, which is come to the adult world! You discuss, “agile, cheaper, and more accessible” you compromise, you don’t throw your did not go through. Imperial Union best interest. Both the previous and ing the tough decisions to streamline toys out of the pram and sulk. was one of the main backers, and had current presidents were in favour of processes and cut back on staffing the Imperial College was one of the in fact mandated all of its delegates to the Governance Review and a revised NUS slashed affiliation fees by 10 per- founding members of the NUS in support the Governance Review. Un- form is being put together. The re- cent overnight. In the year since we’ve 1922. We left in 1923 citing irrecon- derstandably, Imperial Union was not forms fell by only 25 votes, with almost joined, the NUS has won major victo- cilable differences. We joined in 2006 happy with the result but perhaps less two thirds supporting it. The argu- ries for students, not least engineering again after 27 years, and are planning understandably, now want to take the ment for NUS reform has been won, the back down of HSBC over its stu- to leave after a year. We’re Imperial, we rash decision to leave the NUS. That’ll even if this vote wasn’t. In all likeli- dent overdraft charges. Since joining, think we don’t need the NUS, because teach them to mess with our Imperial hood the reforms will be passed before our sabbaticals have attended NUS’ we think everybody knows us and will Pro-NUS demands! Christmas. summer training programme, and listen to our views. Get real. This time, What I ask you, dear readers, is to Even so, the NUS has already come NUS provided tailored and specific let’s keep our cool, keep our voice and campaigner consider whether this is in Imperial’s a long way over the last year: by mak- training to our college committees and remain affiliated to the NUS.

Emancipate Imperial

campaigned for Imperial Col- own leaders openly admit has been lege Union (ICU) to join the shockingly mismanaged, politically ir- NUS back in November 2006 relevant and inaccessible to all but the and whilst I think it was worth most hardened political activists. The I giving them a chance I can now money that is spent on NUS affiliation safely say that they have now proved could be far better spent by students at themselves no longer worthy of the Imperial rather than throwing it down trust I put in them. the NUS budgetary drainpipe. We were We were promised an effective NUS promised a cheaper, radically different that was going to change and that we NUS by April 2008 and it has not mate- Kirsty Patterson could play a leading role in driving that rialised. I believe it would be irrespon- ‘No’ campaign leader change. Instead we have seen their (and sible for us to take that gamble with our) attempts to change stifled by ex- £46,000 of our money that could be tremists who would rather that the or- far more effectively spent on academic ganisation continued to be their own representation and student activities play park funded by Unions like ours Is ICU’s approximately £50,000 NUS affiliation fee worth it? for students at Imperial. Why continue who have countless activities that are far wasting our cash on a “national voice” more worthy of the best part of £50,000 that consistently fails to reflect the fact per annum that we pay to NUS. to illustrate that students at Imperial how the NUS has suffered from finan- that the UK education sector is hugely If you are not aware, ICU has a con- have always had severe reservations cial mismanagement, disengagement diverse with different types of institu- troversial history with the NUS as the about the NUS who have for decades from the issues that are relevant to stu- tions pursuing different objectives? By organisation has never provided any refused to listen. I thought that after all dents and how they are not respected disaffiliating we would not be subsidis- tangible benefits to the student body. this time it was worth us giving NUS as the “national voice” that they claim ing this debating club for students who Funnily enough, we were a founding membership another go but this his- themselves to be. NUS will tell you that have political aspirations but do very member in 1922, disaffiliated in 1923 torical evidence does suggest that the they are hugely influential yet this is the little to further the cause of student and then did not re-affiliate until 1939. organisation is condemned to being same “national voice” that is dismissed support and development on campus. In 1940 ICU left in protest at the NUS’ institutionally useless. in parliamentary committees as being During the course of this referendum stance against conscription for WWII. In this referendum there is no debate only representative of student activists you will hear a variety of sob stories Anti-NUS During the 60’s and 70’s we dipped about how much of a mess this organi- and not ordinary students. about how the NUS is really going to in and out of membership, leaving in sation is as the threat of financial de- I urge you to vote No! as I believe it change next year. Well, we’ve head it all campaigner 1977 and then finally rejoining in No- cline has forced them to come clean. is crucial that we emancipate Imperial before. Vote No! if you are not willing vember 2006. This information is just This year we have heard all about students from this organisation whose to take that gamble. Friday 6 June 2008 felix 9 [email protected] Comment Academic... Freedom?

ast your mind back to don’t really need to be here as your pa- America in the 50s, with perwork looks a bit iffy and they de- McCarthyism in full cide to send you on the first plane back swing. And now imag- home, where your comrades are wait- C ine that you are a young, ing in open arms for their lost brother bright and popular student at a pres- to return. tigious university who happens to be What on earth, you ask, is the point doing a dissertation on Communism of all this historical fictional babble? for your degree. Well, just recently a modern-day classic Now, like any self-respecting stu- took place at Nottingham University. Salman Waqar dent, you go off to the library to do Hicham Yezza, an Algerian-born some research and check out this book employee at Nottingham, decided to that all the boffins recommend – Com- make use of his free printer credits munism for Dummies. You take it back to print the edited Al-Qaida Train- to your department, but wander off for ing Handbook (available from the US a moment. Unfortunately for you, one Department of Justice website) for his Nottingham Uni employee, Hicham Yezza, has avoided deportation of your vigilant colleagues sees this lit- Pakistani-born mate Rizwaan; who tle book, gets a bit uneasy and decides was writing a dissertation on Islamic to call the cops. Oh, and I forgot to extremism for his MA in Politics. They tionalist response to both men’s ethnic would go. Furthermore the whole affair mention that you’re actually a Russian were both ‘caught’ and arrested with- and religious origins? Imagine if they has raised questions about the govern- immigrant who has sought refuge in out charge. Hicham was subsequently were Swedish Goths... No, the real rea- ment’s insistence to raise the detention the US after fleeing Mother Russia and re-arrested because his immigration son is a little something we like to call limit from 28 days to 42 days without decided to live the American Dream. status wasn’t quite up to standards – academic freedom. charge. Right, so the cops come out and ar- even though he had been living in the That is the right for academics to The likelihood of such an incident rest you and then detain you without UK for 13 years and had his citizen- have the right to engage in research, happening at Imperial is rather remote, charge. At the same time, your family ship papers being processed before and to teach subjects that are deemed thanks to the distinct lack of research gets harassed, your home gets raided the whole debacle took place. He was to be controversial without fear of per- in social sciences that goes on around and property gets confiscated. Your due to be deported last Sunday, but the secution. This issue was highlighted here. But, there is a danger that ethnic name is in all the papers and your eth- Home Office have since had a re-think, back in 2005 when the government and racial profiling, alongside encour- nic community is now under attack. following a national campaign. made amendments in the Anti-Terror aging lecturers and staff to monitor And to top it all off you have brought Why am I telling you all this? Is it legislation which was designed to stop and report the activities on campus in an air of controversy and damaged because he was checked into the fast- academic persecution from occurring. may prevail. the prestige of your institution. track service for deportation without But even then there was some pessi- And that would be a real throwback The cops and judges decide that you a hearing? Or is it the apparent sensa- mism as to how far the new measures to the 50s.

Let the grown ups get on with it

az Knight’s charming gets up off their chairs in JCR and goes piece last week about how off to huff and be all angry somewhere. jolly revolutions were was Sometimes it’s on the street. Mostly it’s something of a wake-up on the internet. Maybe, sometimes, it’s C call to me. There I was, right here on these pages. assuming that socialism had gone the As long as you all stay there, it’s fine. A. Geek way of the Teletubbies and thick-cut We know where to look if we need irra- marmalade in becoming unfashionable tional, emotional people who couldn’t and childish, only to find that there’s at organise a fart into spreading around least one brave soul out there who still a room. When the population of the feels that whining and bashing things earth has been whittled down to a few up actually helps society get along. It’s thousand people – as no doubt it will, heartwarming, not only because it gives thanks to humankind’s natural idiocy me the opportunity to be extremely that fuels revolution – then you can patronising – isn’t that right, champ? – take over. You can stir people up and but also because it means there’s still push them into action, founding a new a few people out there whose spirits ¡Hacia abajo con la revolución! society which will learn how you saved need crushing. Start your engines. mankind from the wrong of the past. Here’s a cold, hard truth for you la- Up until that point, the grown-ups dies and gentlemen – revolutions slow Caz might think ‘hedonism’ is a fun- giving in to raw emotion is a much have work to do in order to stop im- us down. And yeah, I’m talking about damental part of human nature, but more sensible way to go. pending armageddon. So if you can all ‘progress’. It’s in single quotes rather people used to think that dying cold, It’s when you do the ‘student’-y thing. just play nicely in the corner, and we’ll than double, because I don’t look down alone and in a pool of your own faeces You start sentences with ‘fuck’ and pick you up after our meeting. on it as much as most of you seem to. was a fundamental part of being alive. then append the name of something And really, in this day and age, who Progress is what gives us the Industrial Then we realised that if we worked re- that people seem to be vaguely disap- would just get angry over nothing on a Revolution, it gives us comfortable ally hard we could heal them. Although proving of. Then everyone shouts and week basis? Some cunt. That’s who. shoes and it gives us movies featuring some people optionally kept the faeces Matt Damon. bit, which is fine. It holds it hands up. It says ‘Sure, peo- I’m not rich. I don’t have any privi- ple got permanently disfigured by un- lege or class benefits that I’m aware of. Dear Editor, knitters) to join our ranks. Remem- People safe machinery. Yes, children died with I just think that if we want to organise ber, we are armed with long pointy their hands bleeding onto the floor in six billion people in any meaningful Not wanting to sound like the Foot- sticks, and we know how to use used to think Asian sweatshops. And the side effect way, then someone has to be at the top ball Club, we would like to protest to them. of Dogma was that Ben Affleck’s career getting most of the glory and a large the slurs made against our club. The that dying cold, will be forever remembered.’ It knows proportion of the Innocent smoothies, recent photo of the ''Editor Elect – Knitted regards, “ its faults. But you know what? It just and some people need to be crawling a little girl?'', in [issue 1,404] of this alone and in waxes its stereotypical mustache, rea- the bottom feeding off of flakes of Ba- 'orgasmic publication', with its accu- Knit Sock HQ ligns its top hat and tails, and waddles sics onions and urine-soaked copies of sation of knitting as a 'sissy passion', on down the street to the nine o’clock The London Lite. was received as a deeply derogatory Felix Editor, Tom Roberts, responds: a pool of your Gravy Train to Profit Towne. I’m sure Caz has solutions to this remark to the noble craft and historic I want to be absolutely clear once and problem that don’t involve the little art that our club strives to promote. Thank you for the email. Once own faeces was for all – I might make love to Mother guy getting shat on, and I’m sure many This type of slander only serves to again, the article was intended as Nature like it’s going out of style, and of them don’t involve people with long reinforce the negative publicity and satire. Apologies for causing offence a fundamental I might believe that, occasionally, it’s hair and bandanas shouting in Span- gender stereotyping knitting has re- though. I’ll be sure to pass your invi- bad to take advantage of people. But ish despite being from Gloucester. But ceived in the past, therefore please tation onto our incoming leader! part of being a lot of my core beliefs are more right the fact that remains is this – revolu- retract this comment. Furthermore To our dear readers, please take the wing than a Boris Johnson-themed tions are a condensed form of human we at Knit Sock HQ would like to words that spew out of the Hangman alive Kentucky Fried Chicken meal, and stupidity. They are that moment where extend a warm invitation to the Edi- articles with a glacier sized pinch of that’s because I like it when things hap- we decide that the last eight thousand tor Elect (as well as any other closet salt. ” pen and people get on with their lives. years wasn’t really worth our time, and 10 felix Friday 6 June 2008

Comment [email protected] Held hostage by Facebook

ebo, Faceparty, Facebook, privacy options. contact has you breaking out a sweat. I do not have to take pictures anymore: Myspace, Myface: social What worries me is the apparent Another thing I despair for is the I rely on my more camera-savvy friends networking seems to be the time that teenagers spend on social- calibre of grammar and general use of to post theirs up and I can browse hap- thing we do best nowadays. ising silently and alone. On a recent the English language adopted by many pily (or ashamedly, as last night’s mem- B Rewind ten years and the chat show involving 15-18 year olds, it online, not all of them without basic ories come back). dark world of chat rooms was still very seemed that the time spent online was G.C.S.E. English. Unless you have The army of communication modes much taboo and treated as unsafe and a daily average of 5 hours! It is no won- learned the incorrect spelling of words at our disposal has certainly compli- slightly seedy. However, with our ever- der this government is in an uphill bat- (“sez”, “skool”, “’avin’”) surely it is easier cated human relationships and dy- growing dependence on technology we tle against obesity and heart disease. to use the correct spelling rather than namics immensely. Text messages, Caz Knight have overcome this reticence and are Apart from the obvious detriment to take those extra few seconds to work emails and msn conversations are read now embracing it whole heartedly. one’s health if such a large portion of out how they are spelled phonetically? into; the lack of a response is hailed as My first, brief experiences with on- the day is spent sedentary, I find that Some of the spellings do not even min- a bad omen, as is the speed of a reply. line ‘networking’ began through AOL after even a few hours of looking at a imise the number of times the fingers One person I knew took offense to online chat where chat rooms are computer screen my eyes are strained need to come into contact with the the number of kisses I left at the end themed, aimed towards particular in- and I am left with a headache. keyboard (“choon” for example). How- of text! The characters of Jane Austen terests and pursuits. People were only The young people interviewed pro- ever, we live in a society of freedom of novels were spared so much daily ten- identifiable by their screen name and a tested that it was for lack of anything speech (for now) and so people must sion, quite content with hearing from very limited profile covering ‘a/s/l’ and better to do that they resorted to hours be able to spell as they wish. their loved one, by letter, monthly. perhaps a few details of other hobbies. mesmerised by the comings and go- Back to the subject in hand: Face- Today, the removal of someone’s rela- On the one hand the risk of assum- ings of their peers. The drinking age of book. I use this example, as it is the tionship status can cause jubilation or ing a false identity was made easier, 18 stops them spending those valuable only site I am held hostage by. My feel- heartache for those involved. although the absence of pictures and hours in the park after dark damag- ings towards my captor are mixed, per- One thing Facebook will prove use- information regarding friends, family ing their livers instead and so the In- haps even edging towards Stockholm ful for in the future is the analysis of and associates made it slightly harder ternet is required. Who raised these syndrome. I hate the fact my heart societies, examining theories such as for you to be tracked down. Facebook unimaginative children? What about leaps when I see I have 3 new notifi- the 6 degrees of freedom: a sociolo- profiles are a stalker’s dream come the wealth of authors, poets, artists to cations and maybe even a message or gist’s dream come true. But for now true: addresses and phone number which we have free access in museums two. A little sad, perhaps, but I use it they comfort, amuse, irritate, expose, are accessible (if the user chooses to and libraries? How about a walk along solely for entertainment value and ease waste time and lower grades. But will divulge such information) but for the the South Bank, in Hamsptead Heath of communication rather than looking these social networking sites fade out most part ‘facebookers’ exercise cau- or a boogie in your bedroom with iPod for new friends and my total daily use like mini disks or are they here forever tion in what they choose to share and blasting if the thought of actual human is never more than one hour. It means more?

College Exploration

arch 12th humanoid race, capable of a semi-ar- ticulate form of language as yet incom- There. It’s final. prehensible to me. I’m going. I’m so ex- Cautious exploration finds me re- M cited I really can’t fall peatedly coming face-to-face with asleep. I can’t even lie still. I’m really idolatrous statues of some local deity. going – alone. I can’t take anyone – I Inscription around base, on close in- can’t even tell anyone – they’d all just spection, seems to read ‘Blackett’. In try to dissuade me. tribute to the cultural beliefs in this Gilead Amit ‘It’s too dangerous’, ‘you don’t know part of the world, have decided to what could be out there’. The same Gilead Amit has gone AWOL name this mountainous area on the feeble warnings from people I used map and the surrounding lowlands as to respect. Can’t they see how mind- Blackett Mountain. numbingly fascinating the unknown fourth year with a mad glint in his eye their midst is so far paying off, though I Important to show respect for these is? I despise this pathetic routine we’ve claims to have made it to the other end still have no idea where I am. primitive people. They like that. settled into. Same boring schedule. of the Walkway more often than seems Same boring people. There must be possible, and has offered his services to 15:30 18:45 more to life than the Skempton Build- escort me safely to the Terra Incognita ing and the Civil Engineering Depart- on the other side. Have accepted. Will This infernal building is like a rabbit Almost out of marmite. ment. There must be. And I’m going to brave the Walkway with Bipolar Jim warren. Will attempt to head north. find it. later this morning. Compass still proving unhelpful. March 20th I leave tomorrow. Across the Queen’s 15:30 Lawn to the Sherfield Building – my 13:20 19:00 adrenaline is incandescing as I write Last agonising drops of marmite fin- those magic words. Sherfield Build- Where on Earth am I? Have been walk- Have made progress! Reached territo- ished last night, and was finally forced ing. Sherfield Building. The very act of ing round for what seems like forever, ry as yet unmarked on my map. Can’t to go looking for nourishment. setting them down on paper is enough and seem to be slowly but surely re- believe I’m the first civilised man to Strange regional fauna seems capa- to give me a rush unlike any I ever got tracing my steps. I may not have much set foot in this remote land! It seems ble of distributing plastic-like food if from cocaine. exploring experience, but I can say, dauntingly large and quite impenetra- shaken hard enough. Small squares of a The Sherfield Building. The last with absolute certitude, that I am quite ble, and may be easier to explore to- sweet, brown substance kept me going known bastion of civilization. And definitely lost. morrow. Will spend the night in this during this morning’s exploration. then, then! Out into the great un- Reached the other end of the Walk- empty bathroom cubicle – who said My first conclusions about this known. To the banks of the Great Sher- way intact – no thanks to Bipolar Jim. the terrain was inhospitable? mysterious land are overwhelmingly field Walkway; let it carry me where it His directional senses are worse than positive. The top of Mount Blackett will. My bags are packed, my equip- useless – the ignorance field that ema- March 16th provides a stunning view of the sur- ment is in working order; everything’s nates from him plays havoc with all 18:20 rounding wilderness. Had an almost ready. I really must force myself to get navigational devices. My compass has spiritual moment watching the sun rise Will spend some sleep. still not recovered from the shock. Three frantically exciting days. Was over the vast rainforest to the East. The I leave at dawn. I dispensed with his services as soon almost spotted by native search party air here is conducive to deep, prolonged the night in this as was possible, and, with rising trepi- and had to make a quick escape. Potted thought – my short-lived acquaintance March 13th dation, left the Walkway. The part of plant in foyer provided excellent cover with the natives reveals hidden depths, empty bathroom 10:15 the College I am now in is illegibly till yesterday, when I was forced to fend though an unhealthy obsession with “ marked on my map with faint pencil. for myself in the great outdoors. dragon balls and unnecessarily power- cubicle – Left at dawn. Was unable to get through As best as I can make out, this must be This place is worse than Hoxteth – ful lasers seems to be prevalent. the Sherfield gates till a quarter to ten. Hoxteth. Or Huxley. Whichever it is, it appears to be entirely constructed who said the Spent four miserable hours shivering the natives are not friendly. of doors. Leading, needless to say, April 1st in the rain, attempting to find shelter This seems to be an almost exclu- nowhere. Who needs so many doors? 15:30 terrain was under the forbidding presence of the sively male society, and as a result the Why are they there? To keep people in? Queen’s Tower. A disappointing start. indigenous culture is quite clearly go- Or out? So many questions… Have found my true spiritual resting- inhospitable? Am currently warming myself in the ing to seed. Gaunt men wielding far My supplies of marmite and chut- place. This is where I belong. Here, Sherfield building, trying to strike more notebooks than they could pos- ney are running low, and I may need among people whose intellect I can re- up conversations with the seasoned sibly use roam the endless halls inces- to forage for food soon. Careful study spect and whose interests I can relate ” travellers around me. One shrivelled santly. My attempt to pass unnoticed in of inhabitants reveals, surprisingly, a to. At last. A real science.

12 felix Friday 6 June 2008

Science Science Editor – Ed Henley [email protected] A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips? Over-indulgence: the cause of obesity, right? Laura Starr investigates if this really is the full story

lace the chocolate- problem. The number of obese chil- iced custard-filled dren is rapidly increasing, leading to doughnut back on the the threat of a global obesity crisis. second shelf and step Here in the UK 1 in 10 six year-olds “P away from the fridge,” suffer from the disease, thereby in- whispers the voice in my head as I’m creasing their susceptibility to major about to indulge in my guilty pleasure. health problems. My conscience overrides my taste buds “Using this research, you can do one and I restrain myself from consuming of two things,” explained Prof Kooner. the fourth delicacy of the day – the one “You can identify the people that are at that would push me forward another risk and work on prevention, or devel- 300 calories and eight grams of satu- op antagonists.” As the position of the rated fat. gene sequence and its protein product It has long been thought that be- are both known the challenge is to now ing overweight was simply a result of “develop antagonists to protein prod- overeating. One consumes an excess of ucts that may ultimately turn out to be calories resulting in those pounds pil- drug targets.” ing on – this being the sole explanation Interestingly, the gene sequence was for an expanding waist line. Until now. found to be around 30% more common One group of scientists is adamant in the Indian Asian rather than Euro- that our genetic make-up has a vital pean lineage. This could explain why role to play. It is not only our actions there is a greater prevalence of obesity that stimulate the onset of these con- and insulin resistance in Indian Asians. sequences but in a large proportion of The sub-group makes up around 25% cases it could be down to our genes – of the world’s population but will ac- the building blocks of life. count for 40% of global cardiovascular In the past little has been known disease by 2020. Lead author Dr John about the influence of genetics on ill- Chambers stressed the importance of nesses associated with obesity, such as his research; "The number of people cardiovascular disease and diabetes. involved, the comparisons between But Professor Jaspal Kooner and his two ancestries, and the detail with colleagues at Imperial College Lon- which we can explore genetic and envi- don found that half of the population ronmental effects are helping us iden- contains a specific sequence of genes tify crucial linkages." closely associated “with waist size, Using a genetic approach to combat body mass index and insulin resist- the disease is promising. Our genetic ance, which is a pre-diabetic state.” make-up cannot be altered, however, The uncovered sequence is posi- we can focus on the development and tioned next to a gene, named MC4R, application of preventative and inno- which is responsible for regulating vative measures, for action needs to energy levels in the body by influenc- be taken. Action in the form of back- ing how much we eat and how much ing such studies, supporting research energy we expend or conserve. Kooner against a disease that is at present a bur- and his colleagues think that this se- den to an estimated 300 million people quence is responsible for controlling worldwide. Who may all be pleased to the MC4R gene. hear that there’s finally, some evidence Studies like this are key in finding that over-indulgence might not be the You're mine now. Whatever the fate of exhibit A, doughnuts, and over-indulgence in general may only be new ways to tackle the world’s weight only thing to blame. one suspect in the case of the expanding waistline. Genes like MR4C may yet prove to be the kingpins

Recent news: restaurant's carbon footprint and self-healing planes

Claudine Chen industry. As Dr. Nick Mount, Will's Bleeding planes tutor, reasons, "If all restaurants did Eating out for greens source locally, the dining experience It may sound like science fiction, but would be uniform and dull." aerospace engineers at Bristol Uni- The concept that locally grown food Instead, they suggest a novel program versity have developed a simple but has a smaller carbon footprint than of offsetting the carbon footprint, sim- ingenious idea for self-repairing ma- food grown in other countries may not ilar to those for airplane flights, that terials that is inspired by nature, such come as a surprise, but the fact that the would add no more than ten pence for that damaged aircraft could mend carbon footprint for some restaurant any meal. themselves automatically, even during meals can be a hundredfold larger than The onus should not just be on the a flight. Similar to our human bleeding those prepared with locally sourced customer to make changes, restau- and clotting mechanism, the otherwise food might. rants can offset the impact them- hollow fibers in fiber reenforced poly- A new report from The University selves by implementing recycling and mer composites are filled with a resin of Nottingham - 'The Environmental composting."The UK’s reliance on and hardener, such that when the fib- Sustainability of the British Restau- food prepared for the consumer is at ers are broken, the resin and hardener rant Industry: A London Case Study' an all time high. This puts restaurants flows out, enabling the composite to - found that cuisines that originate in a highly prominent position," says recover up to 80-90% of its original outside of Europe, which use specialty Brookes. "The restaurant sector has strength. ingredients from the home country, the potential to be at the forefront of “This approach can deal with small- on average, will expend more than five improving the sustainability of our scale damage that’s not obvious to the kilograms of CO2 per meal, compared food industry." naked eye but which might lead to se- with a "green" restaurant meal at 51 rious failures in structural integrity if grams. it escapes attention,” says Dr Ian Bond, The study, carried out by BSc student who has led the project. By tinting the Will Brookes, cranked through the de- resin with dye, any ‘self-mends’ can be Kerrack! Not the last sound a pilot will hear, if this research bears fruit tails for 40 restaurants in London cat- identified along with larger-scale dam- egorised as green, British, European, age during ground inspections, and re- and non-European. paired if necessary. moves around as part of a fully inte- repeatedly heal a structure through- This finding has far reaching impacts, But the mimicry of biological sys- grated vascular network, just like the out its lifetime. Furthermore, it offers considering that food transportation tems won't stop there. “This project circulatory systems found in animals potential for developing other biologi- accounts for 35 percent of the UK's to- represents just the first step”, says Ian and plants. cal-type functions in man-made struc- tal emissions. But the study isn't calling Bond. “We’re also developing systems Such a system could have its healing tures, such as controlling temperature for a major overhaul of the restaurant where the healing agent ... actually agent refilled or replaced and could or distributing energy sources.” Friday 6 June 2008 felix 13 [email protected] Science The BA Science Communication conference Katrina Pavelin represented Imperial at this year's event. Here, she tells us what exactly this involved...

ance! Boogie Wonder- ple from different backgrounds. Each laaand! The 1970s hit year there are bursaries available that by Earth, Wind & Fire cover the full expenses of the confer- blasts out and the lights ence – including travel and accommo- D are dimmed. A man in a dation. This year there were 29 bursa- white suit struts across the stage. He ries that were funded by the Wellcome suddenly produces a giant plastic mol- Trust and the Department for Innova- ecule and starts dancing suggestively. tion, Universities & Skills. No, this is not some weird nightclub - “The purpose of the bursary scheme the show is actually the bizarre finale is to ensure that certain groups of peo- to a well respected Science Communi- ple attend the conference who wouldn’t cation Conference. be able to do so otherwise,” explained The ‘dancer’ is Dr Graeme Jones, a Nigel Eady, the Science in Society chemical ecologist who enjoys engag- Officer at the BA. The bursaries are ing the public with science. This was awarded to scientists and engineers in- ‘Saturday night Science’, an amusing volved in public engagement, science ‘scientific guide’ to a great night out. communication students, freelancers, Jones explains how reaction dynamics and campaign groups. explain that ‘boy meets girl moment’: One bursary recipient, Maya Her- to speed up a reaction, you need heat, bolzheimer, said “I’ve found this con- pressure (lots of molecules in a small ference really helpful, especially as I’m space) and a catalyst (to lower the en- fairly new to the communications are- ergy barrier). So to attract someone, na. It’s been really good to meet lots of you’ve got to be hot, go to a busy club new people from different sectors.” She and … dance. If you thought the cata- is from Forum for the Future, a charity lyst should be booze, he reminds you dedicated to sustainable development. that a catalyst cannot be consumed by The bursary also covered the high- the reaction. Jones was certainly a col- light of the conference: the three course ourful way to finish the conference. dinner. This was a wonderful social The conference is organised each event, allowing delegates to ‘network’ year by the BA (British Association over wine and relax on the balcony, for the Advancement of Science). The with a stunning view of the Thames. BA is a charity that works to build a Attendees got down to some solid networking after being subjected to suggestive dancing with molecules The conference was a great oppor- positive relationship between science tunity to meet people and learn more and the rest of society. The BA organ- basis of his talk was that science is cen- workshops. These allowed delegates sibilities of a press officer. Presenters about the role of science in society. It ises other major initiatives such as the tral to British culture, but most people to share their ideas about a specific included professional press officers, would be equally useful for research BA Festival of Science (this year to be only think of culture as the arts. Bragg branch of science communication such as Steve Palmer from Cancer scientists who want to enrich their held in Liverpool, 6-11th September) believes that to help overcome this and discuss contemporary issues. The Research UK, and science journalists careers by engaging the public with and National Science and Engineering stereotype of culture it is vital that the workshops ran in three strands: ‘En- such as the Daily Mail’s Fiona McRae, their work. And what other confer- Week (next year: 6-15th March.) public can trust science. gaging to Inspire and Educate’, ‘Engag- who provided useful advice about the ence would leave you dancing madly This year was the 7th annual BA Once the delegates had met each oth- ing to Involve’, and ‘Engaging Through best way for press officers to work in the lecture theatre and waving glow conference, which was held at the In- er, through a ‘structured networking’ the Media and Public Relations’. successfully with journalists. Another sticks? stitution of Engineering and Technol- event based on speed dating (slightly The PR workshops, which were workshop encouraged delegates to ogy, Savoy Place. Lord Melvyn Bragg, frustrating if you have to move on after organised by Stempra, an informal devise ‘best-practice’ guidelines to be To find out more, check out the renowned broadcaster, writer and just a brief exchange with Robert Win- network for science communicators, later developed by Stempra. www.the-ba.net/the-ba/ novelist, gave the opening speech. The ston!), there were a series of ‘hands-on’ started with one looking at the respon- The conference aims to attract peo- ScienceinSociety/index.htm Old news: close relatives make bad neighbours Support for Darwin's theory after scientists discover that closely-related species of mammals don't get on

Brett Cherry Natalie Cooper, a PhD student at Im- perial College, is lead author of a new 'It is the most closely allied forms – study published in the Proceedings of varieties of the same species and spe- the Royal Society on closely-related cies of the same and related genera species of mammals. She discovered – which, from having nearly the same that related mammals, such as tama- structure, constitution and habits, gen- rins and spider monkeys, do not tend erally come into the severest competi- to live in the same community for good tion with each other'. reason – over-competition. “Moving This startling statement was made together isn't going to do them any by Charles Darwin in 1859. Recent re- good, they're perfectly distributed as search has supported this view, reveal- they are, but once they get forced closer ing that close animal relatives shouldn't together that could cause problems.” share the same habitat – a wake-up call One of the advantages Cooper and for researchers modelling the effects of other researchers have compared to climate change on biodiversity. Darwin is that he was working with In 1932, the Russian ecologist Georgii taxonomies when predicting that Frantsevich Gause, after observing animals with the same genus names similar species of bacteria competing would compete more strongly than for the same resources in a test tube, those with different names. Scientists founded the competitive exclusion today use phylogenies or evolutionary principle that states no two species trees that better reveal the dysfunc- with similar ecological features can co- tional relationships between closely- exist indefinitely on the same limiting related animals. resource. Cooper discovered that squirrels and This mah nut – you go git your own. Squirrel Nutkin don't share with no-one. Certainly not with no possum Today, we know closely-related spe- possums dispersed further apart from cies of plants are able to thrive together, one another over millions of years of but with animals it's a different story. evolution after comparing data from mate change, this research could prove “They're not actually going to be able of mammals living closer together over Scientists at Imperial College London the mammal 'super tree,' a big fam- beneficial to preserving biodiversity. to do that,” said Cooper. “You can lose time due to habitat destruction must have discovered evidence supporting ily tree of all mammal species in the Climate change models have often more biodiversity just by looking at be included, otherwise “we're going to Darwin and Gauss – related animal world. judged each species as independent each species as independent.” be very confused when half the animal species living in the same habitat have “There's a possibility that habitats are from one another implying that close- In order to address the impact of species go extinct because of interac- the tendency to 'exterminate' one an- going to shrink in the way that rainfor- ly-related animals can live together climate change on animal popula- tions with other species, rather than other if they live together. ests are shrinking.” In the wake of cli- without causing loss of biodiversity. tions, the problem of related species the indirect effect of climate change.” 14 felix Friday 6 June 2008

Culture & Arts Editors – Rosie Grayburn, Caz Knight, David Paw & Emily Wilson Budding culture vulture? Write for us. The Arts [email protected] Love, beasts and valour... Caz Knight is transported to India as the British Library opens its latest exhibition

David Paw Arts Editor o it’s nearly the end of term. If, like myself, you have al- ready finished, you may have suddenly found yourself S with a generous amount of time on your hands. What to do with it? “Travelling” is an obvious option. “Loafing” is another popular one. But if you’re travelled out for the time be- ing, feel bad for bumming money from the parentals/overdraft or simply can’t be bothered, what other options are there? Well if you’re thinking this after hav- ing read Felix Arts for the last year during our current tenure, you must The demons try to rouse Ravana’s brother, the prostrate giant Kumbhakarna, by hitting him with weapons and clubs and shouting in his ear be smoking something impressive (my fellow editors might be interested. Write us). If we can’t find anything to s long as mountains mons but in the end love triumphs (as landscapes of each scene. The colours (‘Girl with a Pearl Earring’) at the same do in this city, God knows what we’re and rivers shall last it always does) and the ever-chaste Sita are bold and contrasting, set apart by time in Europe. going to do elsewhere! For an individ- upon the earth, so is returned to Rama and their rightful vigorous lines. A noticeable, favourite About the periphery of the exhibi- ual with an open mind, the options are long shall the story of kingdom of Ayodhya. feature is the use of golds and silvers tion is a collection of manuscripts, (seemingly) endless. However, some- “A Rama be told among The exhibition takes you on the against the other matte colours, the costumes, puppets, textiles, sculp- times your choices become limited by men.” (Valmiki). The story of Rama journey through each stage in the ad- sheen of which catches the eye and tures and other artefacts representing trivial things like, oh, cashflow. Or per- (‘Ramayana’ in Sanskrit) is one the venture whilst allowing you to admire makes the overall effect of the image the myriad of other ways in which the sonal preference. With regards to the most influential of ancient legends in the Rajput paintings which have been slightly magical. Another thing which Ramayana has been retold and cel- former, though it could be argued that India and Sri Lanka and has been told magnificently preserved, retaining all sets these paintings apart from Euro- ebrated throughout the ages, not only you could be sunning yourself in sunny and re-told constantly since its crea- their vivid colour and beauty. Sahib- pean or Islamic illustration is the fact in India. The story has had influence, Spain or er, Krakow, with the currently tion by the sage Valmiki from 500 BC din is the most important of Mewar that one image will set about to capture albeit not as significant, in Burma, generous mood of the aviation indus- to 100 BC. Love and Valour in India’s artists and despite being a Muslim he several episodes of a story. The same Thailand, Tibet and other parts of SE try towards consumers, festivals are Great Epic: The Ramayana at the Brit- was comfortable with painting Hindu character may appear twice or thrice in Asia such as Java. In each region the still a popular option. Right? ish Library explores this pivotal tale themes. This seems to offer up a con- one picture to depict the progression of story is told a little differently. In Thai- Ah, festivals. I remember a time through over 120 paintings from 17th tradiction, given the conflict between the tale. For the purpose of story tell- land, the loyal companion Hanuman is when “festivals” used to mean going century illustrated manuscripts and Muslims and Hindus. ing, no attempt is made to recreate an a sexually active creature who embarks ape. When I was 10 years old my older examines the importance of this epic These mesmerising pieces of art accurate perspective of space, volume on amorous adventures on his own, brother went to Donington. The bas- and how it has been brought to life by are unique given their intricacy and or time in the paintings. The effect entering into a fling with the Golden tard. KISS were playing, He came back countless other methods. just how much detail they hold. The is dream-like: men with purple skin Fish Princess. One can see clearly the smug as hell with video footage and a The story in its entirety spans 7 sheer volume of time, care and effort standing the same height as trees set differences in style between Indian and brand new KISS tee, which to this day, volumes and over 400 paintings, all required is apparent from the minis- against an orange sky. A very marked Thai depictions of the same charac- he still has not worn. Perhaps the nar- produced between 1649 and 1653 in cule brush strokes used to bring to contrast to the paintings being created ter. In Java, the story is told through a row amount of exposure to music a Mewar, South Rajasthan. The region life the people, animals, buildings and by Rembrandt and Johannes Vermeer 100-strong male chorus chanting (not ten-year old widening out opened my adopted the Ramayana as their own eyes to the array of activity out there. Royal Family history and Rama him- I’d like to say I had made wonder- self as their ancestor. Rama was the ful summer plans, but after having righteous ruler and upholder of Hindu scratched a major travel itch last year Dharma (social and religious order). and another issue of Phoenix to con- The production of the manuscripts jure in a short space of time, gallivant- was spurred on to rival the illustrated ing wasn’t exactly on the cards. dynastic manuscripts of the Mughal However, I am going to Paris in a Empire, Mewar’s political overlords, few hours. I’m slightly concerned and hence the wealth of stunning paintings overwhelmed by the sheer amount of which bring to the life the legend of art and leisurely pursuits on offer. Rama and his bride Sita. Those of you with an appreciation Rama won the hand of Sita after suc- for the history of fashion will also ap- cessfully mending the bow of the God preciate Paris’ place in that world as Shiva (literally meaning ‘Auspicious its spiritual centre – hence there are One’, the destroyer God), belonging many worthy addresses of former to Sita’s father King Janaka. Shortly couture houses to fit in, as well as the after the weddings of Rama and his textile museum and the Jardin des Tu- brothers, he and Sita are exiled from ileries, where vast tents are erected Ayodhya to the forest of Dandaka fol- every season in which to show runway lowing Queen Kaikeyi’s (their mother) presentations. orders. Rama’s younger brother and In light of this, how can we possi- devoted companion, Laksmana as well bly compare to Paris on that front? In as Hanuman, the monkey general and truth, I don’t think we can. But never committed friend of Rama accompany mind. London has long been a melting them. The strife begins when Sita is pot for exciting and raw creative talent. abducted by the 10-headed king of If Paris was the world’s city in the 19th Lanka, Ravana, and Rama summons century and New York in the 20th, an army of monkeys to help rescue her. then we are shaping up to lay claim to A series of battles ensue between the the 21st. heroes and giants, magicians and de- The allies launch an assault on the walls of Lanka Friday 6 June 2008 felix 15 [email protected] Arts

Sugriva sends out his monkey army to search for Sita. Rama gives Hanuman his ring as a token by which Sita can recognize him sounding dissimilar to the powerful Century), Bhorabuti (8th Century) and moved mountains for his love and Maori hakka) accompanied by percus- Murassi; Bhasa- making these works that Sita maintained this love despite sion, wind instruments and a metallo- some of the oldest recorded plays. The adversity makes them the subject of phone. It evokes images of tribal rituals playwrights would adhere to the origi- many paintings and very influential in carried out around huge, midnight fires nal story, only tightening the plot for Hindi culture. on beaches: I was transported back to dramatic purposes. Hanuman, Rama’s monkey compan- Bali immediately! The singing is tradi- On display are glorious textiles, tem- ion, ever loyal, and also Shiva’s avatar, tionally paired with reenactment of the ple hangings, friezes and photographs is a very popular icon with his image Ramayana by shadow puppets which is of sculptures which would have been appearing in countless contexts. To- also a very popular practice in India. stationed in temples for worship. The day, he is the main character in many Shadow puppets on display are crafted threat of northern Muslim invasion movies, and the exhibition shows some from perforated animal hide, mounted prompted the people to increase the glorious paintings of the devoted com- using bamboo sticks, lit with candles presence of their own deities in tem- panion. One example has Hanuman and oil lamps. ples and throughout the land. In Hindi painted in a deep cornflower blue set The original Ramayana was initially culture it is believed that Rama was the against a contrasting bright yellow disseminated by the poem written by seventh avatar, that is the personifica- background, wearing a silver necklace Valmiki. So touched with pity by the tion of the god Vishnu (the preserver and his nails painted the same colour. death of two mating birds by an arrow, and supreme God). The need for the A Tamil bronze statue of him has ador- he began reciting in a new type of verse restoration of good to balance out able, friendly features not dissimilar form (sloka) and the epic metre was evil was required when the 10-headed from the well-known Dr Seuss charac- created in which the story of Rama was king, Ravana, became arrogant after ter ‘the Cat’ (of Hat fame). born. Bards tour towns in India with being granted super-human strength This free exhibition is a delight to travelling shrines, adorned with im- by the Brahma (god of creation), mak- attend. Not only attractively laid out: ages, reciting versions in the original ing him invincible even to the gods. black ceilings paired perfectly with col- metre or in vernacular versions. Rather In his foolishness, Ravana forgot to oured walls and a huge ten foot model like classical epics such as the Iliad and specify that his strength protected him of Ravana, but smelling fragrant and those of our very own Bard (Shake- from mere mortals and animals too. In exotic, once again bringing me right speare), the version of the Ramayana this way, Rama’s quest to rescue Sita back to the smells of Bali and making in its original form is only understood was a means to confront and destroy me want to set off immediately for In- by the highly educated and so the need the evil of Ravana. Sita is identified dia, hitherto uncharted territory. This for retelling in so many other ways is with Vishnu’s eternal consort, Laksmi, collection not only offers stunning art necessary. Play versions were writ- and the couple together and revered as but a chance to learn reams on a differ- ten by playwrights such as Bhasa (3rd the perfect marriage ideal. That Rama ent culture. Until 16 September. Hanuman showing his heart to his most beloved Lord Rama and Sita

Hanuman, while leaping across the ocean to Lanka, dives into the monster Surasa’s jaws God Vishnu: The all-pervading essence of all beings 16 felix Friday 6 June 2008 Friday 6 June 2008 felix 17

Arts [email protected] [email protected] Arts The Great Culture Crawl Written by David Paw, concept by Rosie Grayburn Kenwood House Concerts Tucked away in pretty Hampstead, Kenwood House’s series of concerts is perfect for those of you Chapter Twelve – Summer festivals who just want to chillax with a cold drink on a sunny day instead of sweltering the heat. Of a fem- inine disposition (i.e. female)? With the missus (i.e. whipped)? Then this may just be the ticket. Though it’s a bit of a trek, it makes for an enticing day trip reachable by regular Oyster-worthy routes, combining the charms of Hampstead, a gastropub or two, a leisurely stroll and an impressive concert line-up. Highlights include Rufus Wainwright, Omara Portuondo of the Buena Vista Social London Festival of Architecture Club, Van Morrison and Katherine Jenkins. For those of you more predisposed to self-harm, Diana Krall will be performing on the 9th of August. Though summer is about chilling, the hardcore amongst you will no doubt be tramping the streets of our fair city in search of cultural stimulation to compensate for the hours spent revising or working on projects. With Sat 26th June – Sat 23rd August the city’s theatres, bookstores and the London Lit Festival being popular targets to head for, consider the city’s Tube: Archway, then 210 bus architecture-fest that takes place this summer. A celebration and exploration of the city’s buildings, streets and www.picnicconcerts.com spaces - with over 600 exhibitions, lectures, public space installations, guided walks, bicycle rides, boat tours, parties, design workshops and debates. In other words, a multitude of ways to get stuck in and truly involved – stimulation indeed. Highlights include talks by high-profile architects, including 2007 Stirling Prize winner David Chipperfield and Daniel Libeskind. Alternatively, join speakers like Janet Street-Porter or Jon Snow for a full English breakfast in an architecturally significant venue.

Fri 20th June – Sun 20th July www.lfa2008.org Lovebox Weekender Like house music? Like fields and a festival atmosphere? Hate the general trek out to the middle of nowhere, the muddy fields and sleeping with three other drunkards in the same tent? Fear no more. Proving there’s life beyond “big tunes”, those cheeky chaps from Groove Armada have expanded their weekly club night into an all-out festival in Victoria Park in the heart of East London. As if you didn’t already know.

Yes, I know East London is a whole hour away on public transport and a trip to WC2 qualifies as a “trek” for most Imperial- ites, but an hour to music heaven and being back home in time for Match of the Day is still better than queuing for unspeaka- bly abused portaloos and shelling out a six quid for a burger and chips. The lineup for the weekend is also expected to include Goldfrapp, The Flaming Lips, Human League, Jack Penate, Manu Chao, and The Glimmers will be manning the decks.

Sat 19th – Sun 20th July www.lovebox.net

Marleybone Summer Festival Tired of kookiness? Sick of posers at festivals more interested in catching a glimpse of Sienna et al than enjoying the music? Then perhaps Marylebone’s annual summer festival will do the trick. An old-school affair and totally family/couple friendly, the festival sees the closure of the Marylebone High Street to traffic, allowing pedestrians to roam free in the otherwise chichi neighbourhood. Stalls and food will be laid out, great music will abound and the air will ring with the sound of fair- ground rides. Think Marylebone with a dose of Portobello, or classic street parties with organic Ben and Jerry’s Sundae Festival produce – a pleasant day out assured. A delight. A lazy weekend of schmoozing around in the sun (hopefully), with movies, live mu- Sun 15th June, 11am – 5pm sic, movies on big shiny screens, unlimited ice cream and the happy sparkly utopian atmos- Tube: Marylebone phere that only a universally-adored brand like Ben and Jerry’s can conjure up. All for a fiver.

Unlimited ice cream for a fiver?

Yes indeed. All the ice cream you could ever eat (that’s not a challenge) should be enough to convince you to go. But if that isn’t sufficient, the nostalgic vibes of Britrockers Ash and the anticipation of exploring Clapham’s wealth of local eateries and drinking dens later on should do it. So go for that gut-busting cardio workout beforehand, embark on that torrid lemon- juice diet if you have to and forgo the Colonel’s special recipe for a month in advance – you’re going to get fat.

Sat 26th – Sun 27th July www.benjerry.co.uk/sundae

DANO Korea Summer Festival Get Loaded in the Park How about something completely different? Many of us will be familiar with facets of east Asian culture – samurai Come late August, Summer will still be in full swing. Courtesy of whatever major climactic event is the cause of Blighty films, anime and salmon sashimi in Japanese traditional and contemporary culture perhaps, or the New Year’s in Autumn feeling more akin to the Gobi at the height of summer, we will crave the Zen-like calm of air-conditioned events or martial arts of China. However, in comparison, very few people are aware of their peninsular counter- Caffe Neros, copious Mini Milks will be consumed and most of college will have pissed off home or be “having it large” parts’ sheer cultural diversity and depth. With a totally unique, traditional style of dress (the elaborate hanbok), somewhere conspicuously droll. Koh Samui is a popular choice or, say, Milton Keynes. You could feel sorry for the poor martial arts (the familiar tae kwon do) and music, there is much to be gleaned from Korean culture. Did we men- bastards left in the city over the summer, but alas, with massive summer festivals like the Wireless and Loaded in the Park, tion the cuisine? Blowing peppery hot and spicy with fiery stir-fries or sensuously savoury and clean like the best you could argue about who would have the most fun. that your favourite Japanese can muster, Korean eateries are popping up all over town with good reason. The cheekier South London equivalent of Wireless, though it can’t boast the latter’s megawatt line-up, the organisers have This Sunday, Trafalgar Square will be transformed into a mini-Korea for the annual DANO celebrations. The festi- still pulled something special out. Rock, hip-hop, electronica and more will feature at the festival, which has booked The val provides a fascinating insight into the culture and customs of Korea featuring performances by Korean artists, Hives, Iggy and the Stooges, Kate Nash, Gogol Bordello, The Gossip, Utah Saints, The Holloways and uber-DJs like the crafts and music workshops, Korean food and a parade. The event celebrates Seoul Day and the 60th anniversary Plump DJs, Soulwax, Mylo and DJ Yoda. of the establishment of the South Korean government. Sun 24th August Sunday 8th June www.getloadedinthepark.com www.koreasummerfestival.org 18 felix Friday 6 June 2008

Arts [email protected] Breaking down the class barriers Someone by the name of Clare has never set foot in a theatre, but decides it’s time to give it a try. Will a trip to Pygmalion change all preconceptions or will the middle class hypocrisy be too much to take?

aving spent the first twenty four years of my life successfully avoid- ing that bastion of bour- H geoisie, the theatre (am- ateur productions aside), last weekend I finally succumbed. To me the theatre represents everything that is wrong with the middle class – a form of en- tertainment that by its very nature and prohibitive cost keeps us away from those terrifying lower-class people (I had to pay one pound to place my coat in the lobby!!!) By taste, occupa- tion, and accent I have become middle- class, distancing myself from my fam- ily and their social network. Becoming a theatre-goer would nail the lid in the coffin, but maybe it was worth it? That the play should have been none other than Pygmalion, with its infamous ref- erences to “middle-class hypocrisy”, was pure coincidence. I was surrounded by white, elderly ladies and gov’nors (although the age bracket might have been skewed by the time – I went to a matinee and I did spot one other black person in my row.) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those oh-pity-me-I’m-Asian, I’m- so -underprivileged types, in fact I sincerely believe that my “Asian-ness”, and my scarf, have been a source of positive discrimination. In London, at least, your upbringing and your school has more consequence than any genet- ic misfortunes you have inherited. It just happens that the majority of Black (and by that I mean brown in all its Tim Piggot-Smith as Henry Higgins and Michelle Dockery as Eliza Doolittle different shades) people have still not learnt the tricks to get their kids into good schools. entertaining. Well, Act Three was won- I don’t know about her Flower Girl. a limited number of £12 concessions guilt involved either – the cinema is the Time to go back to the play. I have derful; I’m not so sure about the begin- The set and the costumes were beau- for the under 25’s. With that money I only form of entertainment where peo- always loved Pygmalion. Considering ning, it took some time for the actors tiful, they even had a little back cab could have gone to the cinema twice, ple from all class come together under my ingrained distrust of the theatre, to warm up. Or maybe the actors, from crossing the stage at one point! And and chosen a good seat (let’s just say one roof (and maybe football but then I thought Shaw’s sparkling comedy a middle-class background themselves, Higgins’ Mother is simply breathtak- the concessionary seats were strategi- you still have graded seats). Will I go would be a fair place to start. And it do not spend much time with the peo- ing. Well she did slip up with her triple cally placed). The movie would have again? Borrowing Eliza’s most famous would not offend my Victorian values ple they were supposed to portray and rail against the enigma that is Men – it been crafted (if properly picked) such line – Not B***** likely! (Sorry- those (which I am very proud of, by the way. hence found it difficult to relate? I real- sounded a tad put-on. that every shot, every scenery, every Victorian sensibilities again) I think the world is in such a mess be- ise this is a gross generalisation, but all Which brings me to my conclusion – sound was tuned to perfection. There cause we have lost those Victorian val- that I know is that Michelle Dockery’s was it worth it? Ticket prices range be- would be no annoying interacts. I Pygmalion is on at The Old Vic ues). And I have to admit it was quite Eliza was magnificent as the Duchess, tween £10 and £50 but the Old Vic had would not have felt so out of place. No until 2nd August 2008.

“Eliza was magnificent as the Duchess”. But does her ‘flower girl’ match up? Friday 6 June 2008 felix 19

Fashion Fashion Editors – Sarah Skeete and Daniel Wan [email protected] Y.S.L. 1936 – 2008 Sascha Holland reports on the passing of a fashion design icon COOL

ves Saint Laurent, re- support their struggle for liberation him justifies his calling as one of the garded as one of the over the past century.” greatest designers of modern fashion. Daniel Wan greatest fashion design- And so he did, influencing even the British designer Vivienne Westwood Fashion Editor ers of the 20th Century average woman’s wardrobe. Before described him as “one of the great died on the 1st of June YSL, the woman’s trouser suit was couturiers, one of the few who have know this may be a bit of a Y 2008. virtually unheard of, launching the achieved perfection with everything sappy way to start this week’s Influential and celebrated, Yves Saint infamous “Le Smoking” suit. He also they touched.” (and indeed my first ever) Edi- Laurent went from his early days as a pioneered the beatnik look, turning Jean Paul Gaultier claimed that Saint tor’s Column, but apologies designer in the studio of Christian Dior its former deadbeat associations into a Laurent was his “idol’’ and a figure in are in order. If my social life, or to his own label’s acclaimed haute cou- high-end fashion trend. He also man- fashion “to be followed.” Veteran de- Farmers, kilts and blankets I my life in general, hadn’t been ture collections of today. YSL’s style re- aged to introduce capes, blazers and signer Valentino called him “a giant’’ Plaid returns for Fall 2008, and raped by revision, you lot would have mains unmistakable and synonymous the ‘turtle neck’ to the runway. with “limitless imagination,” and Gior- plaid signifies class, tradi- got Felix Fashion pages for the last with excitement, individuality and Even before his death, tributes to gio Armani said he was “the greatest tion and resilience. A flash of three weeks. For their absence, I can elegance. Saint Laurent’s undeniable talent were designer of our era.’’ tartan underneath a dark grey only apologise and I trust you didn’t His aim was to “serve [women’s] bod- in no short supply. Just looking down He passed away in his Paris home af- suit will provide some interest- cry yourselves to sleep each time you ies, their attitudes and gestures and to the list of names who were inspired by ter suffering years of declining health. ing eye-candy for admirers or realised you couldn’t get your fix of Fe- otherwise. lix Fashion that week. If you remember two weeks ago, Felix Fashion exhibited some ‘fashionable Imperialites’. If you In tribute to Y.S.L, Felix showcases some of his most celebrated and remembered designs from the were one of the lucky people featured, last 25 years. Elegance through simplicity, they became iconic images in modern culture. I hope you’re pleased with the pictures we chose for you, because after all we didn’t (not that we could with our fa- cilities!) airbrush or tweak anything like they do in most publications. We want to show you lot in all your natural glory! It was funny to see my friends starting to get insecure when they re- Kanye West alised I hadn’t asked them to feature in The boy can dress himself. the spread. Sure, he has the money to do Since I’ve never really had a chance to it, but so do the other multi- introduce myself, now seems as good a millionaire rappers and they time as ever. With the intellect that got still dress like I did when I was you into Imperial, you’ve probably fig- 13. One day I’ll be as rich and ured out I’m Dan. Despite my surname successful as him. One day. and shared interest in fashion, no, I am not related to Gok Wan, and hence don’t take pleasure out of undressing unshapely women. As Fashion Editor, I’ll be taking Felix Fashion beyond this term into the new academic year (2008-09) at Imperial. This is also an opportunity to thank Sarah for the years of Felix Fashion she’s edited. Without doubt, she’s set a precedent for me and future Fash- Attached Scarves ion Editors for Felix; one I’m going I guess they look all right to have to do a lot of work to match, and, and no one has to know and hopefully beat. I’m looking out for it’s actually attached to the some Fashion writers for this term and shoulders of your T-Shirt, but especially next year. I know this might don’t you also look like bit of be a bit far-fetched, but if there are any a pillock walking about in a budding fashion journalists out there scarf and T shirt all day? Nov- at Imperial, thrust your writing hand elty would wear thin quickly. forward and write for Felix Fashion! Stupid. On the contrary, some of the best ar- ticles that I’ve come across have been from those that do not have a great passion for fashion but those that just have something they want to bitch about or praise in a one-off article. If you don’t think you’re a good enough writer, truth be told, you’re probably better than most, especially at an all-science university! Email me anything remotely related to fashion Exams to [email protected]. You Nothing to do with exams know you want to. directly (or at all), but I think Lastly, but in no way least, the news everyone at College can agree that the iconic designer Yves Saint- they suck balls. They suck Laurent passed away in Paris on Sun- balls so hard our collective day, 1st of June. A name synonymous scrotums are starting to chafe. with elegance and beauty, Saint Lau- Cringe at that image, and then rent built up a fashion empire under promptly go back to hours of his own name. In this brand, his un- revision and exams. Now do disputed creative genius will forever be you agree they suck balls to remembered in the clothes generations scrotum-chafing levels? past, present, and future, admired and worn. Personally, I was born a decade too late to even experience Saint Lau- rent’s ever-dwindling years as an active LAME haute couture designer however what I write about here every week would Clockwise from top left; ‘Le Smoking’ (1975), Mondrian inspired dress (1965), Ballet Russe, 1976, take a very different shape without Betty Catroux (left) and Loulou de la Falaise in YSL’s classic 70s safari look. Yves Saint Laurent. His legacy will stay with us in our lifetime and beyond. unionpage Freshers’ Fair Forum

Freshers’ Fair needs you! We’re trying to make Freshers’ Fair 2008 bigger and better than ever before and are looking for your input. If you have any suggestions or thoughts about how Freshers’ Fair could be improved, things you’d like to see, or if you just want to moan about your stall location (but not too many please!) come to the Freshers’ Fair Forum on Wed 18th June, 2pm, Meeting Room 1 (top fl oor, main Union Lily Topham building). There will also be refreshments provided to help Deputy President ease along the discussion. (Clubs & Societies)

Elect If you can’t make it, we’d still like to hear from you, so feel [email protected] free to email [email protected] with any suggestions.

Look forward to hearing from you. Euro 2008 is here! watch all the action at the Union

We will be showing all the Euro 2008 £1.50 games on our big screens and offering a pint. Carlsberg, Tetley’s the best drinks offers in town! & Snakebite. Starts Saturday 7 June. During all 19:45 kick-offs until 21:30. NUS Referendum As you will all see over the coming leave or stay, there will be a debate on fortnight, we are having a referendum all the issues. Live! and STOIC will be on our continued membership of the broadcasting the debate online but you National Union of Students (NUS). can also attend. The Union Dining Hall will be the venue on Thursday 12 June Should Imperial College Union from 17:30 with the ‘Yes to NUS’ team remain affi liated to the NUS? being represented by Wes Streeting, NUS President. Whilst the ‘No to NUS’ This is the all important question and will be headed up by Stephen Brown. we want to know what you think. Online voting on the referendum will take place Both Live! and Felix will also be from 00:01 Tues 17 June until 23:59 Mon extensively covering the ongoing debate 23 Jun online at and we urge you to take a look at both imperialcollegeunion.org/vote. arguments and then make your vote.

It is important that you vote in this Any questions on the refendum can referendum. If you want to know more be directed to Alistair Cott, Returning about the NUS and our involvement Offi cer. [email protected] with it or the reasons why we should

Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB imperialcollegeunion.org Tel: 020 7594 8060 SummerImperial College London Ball 2008 21.06.2008 Paper tickets available now from the Union Shop, Bars and Reception South Kensington Campus.

ONLY 15 DAYS TO GO

for more information and to buy tickets: imperialcollegeunion.org/ball

The Imperial College London Summer Ball 2008 is a fund raising event for Imperial College Union with all proceeds going towards the Building Redevelopment Fund. 22 felix Friday 6 June 2008

Music Music Editors – Peter Sinclair and Susan Yu [email protected] “I go to the toilet with Mark” Susan Yu chats up some of Yorkshire’s finest, but it’s strictly for One Night Only...

ne Night Only are an indie/rock/pop band comprised of five Hemsley, North York- Susan Yu O shire laddies in their Music Editor late teens/ early twenties. They formed back in 2003 and have had recent suc- hen the going gets cess with their singles ‘You and Me’ tough, the tough ‘Just for Tonight,’ and ‘It’s About Time.’ gets going.... These Music Felix had the pleasure of talking lyrics certainly ring to Sam, the drummer and Jack the key- W a lot of truth for me boardist from the band. right now. Exams and revision are tak- ing their toll as I had feared. Do I even You guys grew up in Yorkshire, have time to write about music, I ask has that shaped your music in myself? This will be the last issue that any way? I’ll write for this academic year-a big fat tear rolls off onto the keyboard as I J: I guess it just means that we are not type this. Well, no, not really. I’m glad part of any city related scene, i.e., the my first year at uni has been relatively Arctic Monkeys are from Sheffield, smooth. Writing for Felix has been a Maximo Park are from Newcastle chore at times but most of the time, I’ve etc... truly loved being a Music Editor, albeit S: It has allowed us to create our own not for very long, having only come on style of music, we are not really influ- board this year. Anyway, with regards enced by any local bands or what seems to being sad that I’m approaching the to be cool at the time, so I think it has demise of freshers year, I have to say, I affected the way we sound. am glad that I haven’t perished or done something stupid/crazy. I don’t get too How did you guys get into music? emotional, but when I do, you’d better One Night Only in action... lead vocalist George with Mark, the guitarist in the zone stay well clear from me. This year is S: I got into music by listening to it. I’ve drawing to a close, soon it will really be always had music there around in the the summer holidays. Can’t wait! I’m house. My parents are very big on lis- enough of it? there before. The first time we went simply dying to be free from having my tening to music. Doesn’t that generate a lot of there, we had ages before the sound- nose stuck in gazillions of textbooks, S: I think it is too easy to pigeon-hole clashes between people, every- checks, so we played hide and seek. scruffy, messed-up revision notes and Were you self-taught or did you someone as Indie-rock. If you look one having various ideas and so It must have been an hour and a half, what have you not. have lessons? at all the Indie bands, there’s a lot of on? running around this place. Recently, I ventured into the music variation within them, like the Arctic J: Mark disappeared. He was good at rooms and allowed myself a glorious J: I am a classically trained pianist. I’ve Monkeys, they are very different from S: Yes, but I think that is what brings hide and seek, he must have found a moment of much craved-for peace, im- been taught for years. us. There is enough differences be- out the best in people. If you’ve got five corner and curled up there. mersing myself in the absolutely sooth- S: For me, I was self taught for 2 years, tween the bands to not get bored of lis- different musical inputs, five differ- S: No, I think he left the building. ing melodies of Chopin, Beethoven and had lessons for 2 years, loose and in- tening to them. Plus, Indie-rock does ent minds working on the same idea, other lovely classical piano compos- formal ones, then I‘ve been self taught kind of change with time so they don’t eventually you are going to get a better Do you get bored of playing the ers. To top it up, I played some jazzy/ since then. all sound the same. sound out of it. same tracks, listening to the chilled out stuff by Norah Jones as well J: The brilliant thing about having same tunes over and over can get as contemporary indie/pop/rock songs Who is your favourite classical so many live bands around has made How do you determine when a tedious? by gems like Keane and Oasis. The pi- composer? music so much more prominent. Live song is complete? ano really has healing powers... music is the main sort of thing at the J: It’s not the same as listening to other Aside, has anyone bothered to watch J: It has to be Grieg. moment. J: When we stop disagreeing. people’s music when you play your the Eurovision contest? I didn’t bother S: People go to gigs more than they buy own music, because having created it but I’m sure some of you readers out What is your opinion on the Indie- records these days. How long did it take for you to ourselves, every time I play the songs, I there may have felt obliged to lend rock genre? In the past 5 years, start and finish your album? remember different things about when your eyes to cringing talentless musi- the music industry has been Who writes the songs in the we wrote it. People say, do you ever lis- cal wannabies trying to flaunt their flooded by so many bands that band? S: We wrote the collection of songs ten to your own music, well; of course, stuff on TV. Is it any wonder that U.K. come under this type of music. over two years. Recording-wise, I think I have it on my iPod. It is the best thing came last again this year? Do we hon- Surely as listeners we have heard S: Everyone. it took us about four months, two or we’ve ever made, two years of hard estly care? At least it wasn’t yet another three month blocks of recording. work has been put in it. humongous zero-point total for us but nevertheless as human beings, we How does it feel to be in a band? How was it to support The Pigeon seem to feel compelled to watch people Detectives and The Enemy? make total fools of themselves. Some J: The best thing is we are doing a job have said that Sir Terry Wogan is the with our best mates. J: Wicked. The Pigeons more so be- sole reason that they bother watching S: I don’t like doing anything by cause we got to spend a longer time this silly song competition because he myself. with them, we got to know them very always gives witty commentaries when J: Neither do I. Can’t stand it. well. introducing the various singers and S: We only did five shows with the En- their country’s background, purpose- Even going to the loo? emy. The Pigeons are really nice guys. fully livening up the dreadful singing and awful dance moves on stage. For S: I go to the toilet with Mark. We do Is there any rivalry between you those of you ‘keen’ on finding out who get compared to girls a lot, only with and other bands? swept to victory, I’ll tell you that it is the the toilet thing. hunky Russian, the one and only Dima J: It’s the tight jeans and the long hair. J: We don’t make enemies, we are from Bilan who sang ‘Believe.’ Thought so. the North and we make friends with The name rings no bells and will never Do you have a favourite venue everyone. ring a bell; neither now nor in the dis- out of all the places you’ve played tant future, but apparently he is huge at? Since you’ve been in the music in Russia. You see, some countries do business, have you learnt any support, even love and adore, their acts S: Dundee. Hot Sams. It’s a good venue. tricks of the trade, how to face even if we don’t. It doesn’t matter one The building is insane. It’s got three gig the media etc..? bit at the end of the day, however, as venues in this same place. we’ve got plenty of musical fish in the J: I had a dream that there was a spa S: Be natural. sea here... there, behind this mirror because J: And don’t bitch about other people we’ve been there once and I knew we because they will publish it straight If you fancy reviewing some were going to go back there. off. music or gigs, send us an email S: I think we’ve been there three times at [email protected] and and every-time we go there, we find It has been said that David Bowie, get yourself on the mailing list. One Night Only’s second album is due out in a year’s time something that we didn’t know was Bob Dylan and the Cure have Friday 6 June 2008 felix 23 [email protected] Music

What are your opinions on people Name favourite musicians of all like Britney and Pete Doherty? time. S: Yes, a band with a good video would definitely go further than a band with a S: Bit of a waste I suppose. Pete Doher- S: There are a lot of amazing musi- rubbish one. ty with all that talent, no need to mess cians. Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones, J: That treadmill video. People will it up like that. Britney, she has gone Guns and Roses, The Cure etc… Mod- remember that video forever, it is mad. She’s gone. ern bands: there’s Arcade Fire and The legendary. J: She’s insane, gone doolali. Pete’s an Killers. S: But they’ve got the music behind it amazing talent. It’s a real shame. to back it up. It’s not just the video that Do you ever have time to watch makes it work. What about Amy Winehouse? TV nowadays? If you could choose any location S: She’s got a great voice. She might J: We rarely ever get to a place where to shoot a video, where would sort herself out. Out of the three peo- we can get a TV signal. It is hard to get you choose? ple, she is probably the one most likely TV signal when the tour bus is mov- to sort herself out. I think she is close ing. But SkyPlus is a beautiful thing. J: Sam’s house. It’s in a massive valley to passing the point where she won’t be Lost is amazing. I used to watch the and there’s a huge abbey over the other able to recover, but who knows. OC. I’ve watched Skins; about 4 shows. side of the river. It would be epic. If it J: I do like her. I believe that she is ca- Big Brother. I’m quite ashamed of lik- was all lit up at night, it would look pable of sorting herself out. You can ing Big Brother now, but it is good. insane. hope. S: I haven’t seen Eastenders for about 2 S: Nice big river, a big field, national months. I miss it. heritage. Have you ever been pressurised to take drugs? Would you ever go on Big Have you ever done anything J: No. You just simply say no. Brother? crazy on stage?

Do you get recognised when you J: Hell yeah. I would love to go on it. S: We are all very energetic on stage. go out? S: You’d get messed up in there. George like doing big guitar swings. J: I decked myself in front of five thou- S: Not overly. Sometimes in smaller Have you ever been to any show- sand people at Brixton Academy. It felt Paying these guys to smile almost worked towns. I don’t really mind being recog- biz parties? weird trying to stand up again. Our nised. I wouldn’t want it to go to far. bass player is the most mental one out Being stalked, that would be weird. S: We went to the Brits this year, No of all of us. influenced your music, so what J: George does a bit. It’s when we are at gossip. We met people like Rhianna do you think are the key ingredi- Apart from yourselves, who do gigs, we do. and the Kaiser Chiefs. Nice to meet but Will we be seeing a second album ents for making people like them you think people should take it’s not really a big deal when you meet coming out sometime in the the success that they were and notice of in the music business at Do you ever read your fan-mails? another musician. future? still are? the moment? J: We got really, really drunk. All the S: We don’t really get that much, but booze was free. And it’s just danger- J: We are hoping to make one maybe in S: They were doing something differ- S: The Wall Birds who are our sup- we get stuff handed to us at gigs and ous. Champagne. Anything you want. a year’s time. ent at the time, they are all very unique ports. They are a great folky/rocky signings. S: That’s what we are hoping, maybe sounds. They’ve touched a lot of peo- three piece. They’ve supported the Pi- J: We do read them and eat the Do you think music videos are im- next summer. What’s going to come ple with their music. geons before as well. chocolates/sweets. portant to the package of a band? out will come out. Let’s wait and see. Pendulum’s immense gravitional pull at Brixton

of flashing colours on stage initiated the incredible buzz that pulsated through the crowd as Pendulum took to the stage. It was electric, the crowd going totally beserk, a heavy contrast to the somewhat lukewarm responses exhib- ited towards the previous two DJ sets. The lure of the coquettish rumbling bass seemingly galvanized the fans into action, everyone either punching the air with glow sticks, shouting or screaming frantically, before the coolly composed quintet appeared from a mist of dry ice. Pendulum; they know how to play it cool. The band enlightened us with a mix- ture of both their old and new material. Of note, the slinky old number ‘Fasten Your Seatbelt’, the mesmerizing ‘Hold Your Colour’ and the uber-racy ‘An- other Planet’ were huge crowd pleas- ers. ‘Propane Nightmares’, their last top-ten colossal radio hit explicitly demonstrates Pendulum’s progression musically. Vocalist Swire’s bold into- nations cross with orchestral rock, before crescendoing into their trade- Pendulum: pretty in pink mark stomping drum’n’bass mayhem. What more could you possibly want? ‘Mutiny’ offered a punky feisty edge Pendulum knew exactly how to get whilst ‘Blood Sugar’ blew the place to Gig review Pendulum thousands of us up and raving at the shreds with its phenomenal symphon- Brixton Academy Academy. The band were plainly in ic aggression and energy. The dramatic their element, high on something for soundscapes engineered by Pendulum These kick-ass, drum’n’bass Aussies sure. They delivered the show with in- were a stunning combination of gravi- who dabble with rock/electronica, credible pumping sonic soundscapes, tational thudding beats along with have certainly tasted a lot of success the whole time, each one of the pro- heavy yet suave bass-lines held togeth- since the release of their debut album- tagonists unmistakably immersed in er by trance-like leads. Irresistible to Hold Your Colour back in 2005. Their the zone. Some have likened Pendulum adolescents and grown-ups needing a new album, In Silico, stormed into the to a modern-day Prodigy, the band is strong dose of cataclysmic mash-up. album charts at number two; they are comprised of Rob Swire (vocals/synth/ I have no doubt that this epic quintet simply on fire, oozing sheer confidence producer), two guitarists, a DJ, drum- will continue to orchestrate cyclones in from all corners. Their soaring music mer and an Mc who mixes the beats to the festival season ahead, having mas- has the inherent power to rip the dance perfection. A clan of many talents. tered an unforgettable live presence of floor apart leaving perennial reper- Getting towards midnight, the rav- their own. cussions wherever and whenever it is ings began, the fireworks were ignited played. with the onset of a laser show, a frenzy Susan Yu Glowing in green 24 felix Friday 6 June 2008

Anyone who hasn’t been living in a nuclear bunker for the last six years cannot fail to have noted the seemingly unstoppable rise in popularity of that past time once solely the joy of the music connoisseur, watching live bands. And if you love to see live bands then there is no better place to spend the warm summer months than swanning from festival to festival. This year we feel it is becoming Belgium: 3 – 6th July increasingly desirable to explore European festivals. Less crowded, less rain, more adventure and better value for money ock Werchter 2008 fellow festival goer everywhere Our Favourite Bands will take place from you step. .. overall than a good deal of the Thursday 3 until Always pulling huge names, It’s from the lineup: burgeoning money spinners Sunday 6 July at Wer- hard to believe this massive four masquerading as festivals over R chter’s Festival Park. day event grew out of a small here in good ol’ Blighty. The festival is a broad overview of blues festival in 1975, but since all the interesting and good things its first incarnation the event has Justice That’s not to say there aren’t that are going on in pop, rock and housed musical giants such as some wonderful English dance. The best rock band in the David Bowie, The Specials, Muse Radiohead dates for your dairy this year world, the most exciting young and Radiohead and more. –The Isle of Wight Festival, British bands, the new kings of This festival is our top sugges- R.E.M dance, the return of some old-time tion for the summer, four days Wild in The Country, favourites. Guitars, electro, loved, long and less than the price of a Vampire Weekend Latitude and who could unknown, headbang, sing along, standard UK festival you can see a dare to omit Reading dance, everything! As always, big ridiculously large number of huge Soulwax Festival. We’re not going names and established acts will acts for just one ticket. Tickets be playing the Main Stage, these are available from www.rockwer- The Chemical Brothers include Radiohead, R.E.M., Jus- chter.be and cost 160 Euros. tice, The Chemical Brothers and With all the insanely cheap 2ManyDJs many, many more. The Pyramid beer you can drink (not Carling Marquee is reserved for upcom- either), amazing bands, cheap Slayer ing talent and more intimate acts food, cheap ticket, cheap Eurostar from around Europe. tickets available at the moment, Digitalism Every day, there is room for great weather and lack of 16 year 80,000 visitors, and the large spac- old rich indie kids filling the place Neil Young es mean you won’t be crammed up you’d be crazy to opt for one of up against some wasted, sweaty the bigger UK festivals. Sigur Ros

Belgium: 17 – 20th July

ne of the strongest 200 bands will play their tunes on draws of Dour is 2 open-air stages and 4 marquees Our Favourite Bands without a doubt its in front of an avid audience. This programme. Every is the festival that never sleeps with from the lineup: O year at Dour you get non stop music from 12am until a unique international bill (bands 5am the next day. were coming from 28 different The festival’ social agenda is not a countries last year) that’s different, sideshow anymore. People come to Foals alternative, independent, ambitious Dour to get informed as well thanks and sharp with an accent on new to our NGO village. This summer Alter Ego discoveries. All that at a very low will be the 4th time the festival will price that can’t be beaten. welcome many social and political Pendulum Since its beginning the Dour Fes- associations to inform the festival WIN TICKETS! tival has owed much of its appeal to goers about NGO’s and what can Battles its incredible atmosphere. A multi- be done to help the planet. cultural audience that shares a love We were lucky enough to get to Mystery Jets for music and partying creates a fun Dour festival last year, and in our We’ve got 5 pairs of tickets vibe throughout the site. The Dour opinion, having attended almost Boys Noize Festival has become the unmiss- every UK festival over the last 12 for Dour Festival to give able music event of the summer years, this was by far one of the Superlux for thousands of music fans across best we’ve seen. The tickets are cra- away to our readers, just Europe. zy cheap (85 Euros for 4 days), and Efterklang Like every summer the festival if you’re so cheap you can’t even af- will be held on the 3rd weekend of ford to pay for some (like us) then Ice Cube email in to nightlife.felix@ July, by the spoil heaps of the old we seriously suggest you email in to coal mining site ‘La Plaine de La win a pair of free tickets, because Hatebreed ic.ac.uk or text DOUR to Machine a Feu’. Dour the village is you’ll have an almost 100% chance situated in the south of Belgium, by of winning. Fujiya and Miyagi the Catfone: 07980 148 785 the French Border. For 4 days over www.dourfestival.be Friday 6 May 2008 felix 25

to bother to talk about Glastonbury because it has gotten far too big for its Wellingtons in our humble opinion, and besides if you didn’t begin to register 5 months ago you know very well you’re not going to be there. Belgium is fast becoming a real haven for music festival lovers and if you haven’t been to a festival in Europe before then go now and expand your mind to the possibilities of living without hype and the need to get so mindlessly drunk you can’t Belgium: 14 – 16th August remember who played what or when anyway. By far the most provincial is Dour. This is it’s 20th year and it promises to be a party. Rock Wercher’s he Belgian festival back home in London and fully began life with one fitted with screens at intervals Our Favourite Bands line-up kicks ass and Pukkelpop is Reading set in stage hosting seven that dropped down along the ceil- more space and with stages you can feasibly be bands and just three ing and the most incredible sca- from the lineup: at the front of for every band without even trying. T thousand people on lectrix track of moving green LED Plus European festivals have bands during the day a football pitch in 1985. From lights above you this was perfectly and then DJ’s long into the night making for a much humble beginnings to having designed and certainly the most harder party experience. seen almost all major names in al- ubertastic dance tent I have ever M83 ternative rock of the past twenty been in at a festival. The second We at Felix love you, and because of our inherent years, the festival has been going dance arena was almost as big, an Metallica omnipotent benevolence, we have tickets to a fair from strength to strength with a actual tent with funnelled tops burgeoning dance presence in the and an impressively and deco- Flaming Lips selection of these very festivals to give away. Just last decade. This year of 2007 saw rated inside with enormous glass send in your name and details and a reason why The Smashing Pumpkins reunite baulbauls splattered with random The Killers we should give our love to you in particular and we to headline almost all major sum- coloured paint markings and bal- shall bestow our gifts upon those most. mer festivals worldwide, making loons hanging form the top. Lightspeed Champion their third appearance at Pukkel- The attention given to the pop since 1993. dance areas clearly mimics the Alkaline Trio The main site of the Festival is popularity of dance music and I pretty huge, a lot of time, money have to admit it seemed if not the Elbow and effort has obviously gone into most popular genre, as popular as not only the organization but also the rock music side of things. It Killswitch Engage the construction of the site. The makes most British festivals look stages are huge and the tents are like a muddy tent in someone’s Sons And Daughters enormous and boast sound qual- back garden by comparison. ity you can only dream of expe- Tickets are 150 Euros, and with Sebastian riencing back home. The Dance an almost identical lineup to tent was the most awe inspiring Reading (plus more), it’s worth it. Uffie and Feadz thing, as big as an actual club www.pukkelpop.be

UK: 5th August

ild in the to enthral all with her renowned Country is 18 expressive performances - one Our Favourite Bands hours of non- definitely not to be missed! stop music This years line-up reflects a di- from the lineup: W and fun set in verse collection of artists and DJ’s, the palatial grounds of Hertford- with a mixture of live performanc- shire’s Knebworth House. Starting es and DJ sets. This year will see at 1pm on Saturday 5th July, this some exclusive performances, the Sigur Ros one day festival is set across six aforementioned Bjork, and also stunningly decorated marquee’d the confirmed appearance of the Soulwax arenas, and the addition, this year, legendary Danny Tenaglia. of a Live outdoor stage. The qual- The range of DJs and live acts Foals ity of music on offer provides the will mean there is something to perfect soundtrack, whilst the En- suit everyone, and for festival Battles WIN TICKETS! chanted Wood, a Victorian Fun goers, a non-stop 18 hour musical Fair, Twisted Tea Rooms and a marathon. The Presets giant chill-out tepee are just some The live performers playing of the surprises in store at Wild in at this years festival are coming Metronomy We’ve got 2 pairs of tickets the Country - a day and night of from all over the globe to delight great music, merry-making and the crowds at Wild in the Coun- 2ManyDJs Wild In The Country to give mischief. try. Iceland’s Bjork will be joined Hot on the heels of her critically by Belgium’s electro/rock outfit Killa Kila away to our readers, just acclaimed sold out UK tour, Wild Soulwax, Australia’s drum and in the Country will be Bjork’s only bass heroes Pendulum, Battles and Annie Mac UK festival date this year. The Hercules & Love Affair from the email in to nightlife.felix@ Icelandic songstress will bring States, as well as a good meaure of Yousef her unique and powerful theat- UK acts. It’s at Knebworth Park, ic.ac.uk or text DOUR to rics to Knebworth. Tracks from and if it tickles your fancy - con- Sasha groundbreaking albums such as tact us and well give you a ticket. the Catfone: 07980 148 785 Vespertine and Volta will be sure www.wildinthecountry.co.uk The Field

Written by Gregory Mead and MAC

Friday 6 June 2008 felix 27

Travel Travel Editors – Ahran Arnold, Nadine Richards and Ammar Waraich [email protected] TWMA: An Amsterdam special Meeting Jesus, flirting with French women and cruising over to Anne Frank’s pad; it’s all in a day or two’s work for the Travels Without My Aunt crew. Theo Georgeiou Delisle elaborates on his discoveries

onderful, wonder- ful Copen… I mean Amsterdam, cos that’s where I went, W innit. Blinking in the bright sunshine, as a fellow chum and I arrived in the central station it was clear that the city centre was un- dergoing what can only be described as a light raping as various schuper fun happy construction guys dug for victory. Victory over common sense though, as the only way to cross the square was by means of a piggyback on a sturdy prostitute. We decided, to make life interesting, to ‘go Christian’ in our choice of youth hostel. Incidentally ‘going Christian’ should not be confused with ‘going Dutch’, a convention where by at the end of a nice meal between a couple, the male, instead of taking on the full financial burden of the shared dinner service, instead slips Rohypnol into the Singapore Sling of the fairer sex. Manning the youth hostel, Jesus had decided to recruit a receptionist who seemed to lead a life based upon bliss- ful ignorance of basic skills, and con- sequently instead of keys to our room we were unexpectedly given a small tambourine and a well-thumbed copy of the New Testament. Upon arrival in our salubrious accommodation it came as some comfort to us that our beds in the room had already been well tested by a large American fellow who had entered a well-fed zen state. Having ar- rived a little late in the evening, after a quick drink in a local watering hole we If you can’t find Anne Frank, this is what you can do... De Toppers! ROCK ON! were ready to hit the hay and toddle off to the land of nod, falling asleep on a soft blanket of metaphors. ing prayers we were ready to face the later added to these increasingly com- tempted to rescue the situation with Now I do not want to necessarily The morning arrived unexpectedly new day head on, but not before the mon ‘emporiums’ when, it was first a quip about her upward inflexion at come over as critical of the Dutch grid prematurely around two hours before much anticipated free breakfast ©. The imported to Britain from Iceland in the end of sentences which went down referencing system, but I could have one might have hoped it would do at hot option of oatmeal was discounted the 1920’s. Sitting at the breakfast ta- about as well as a Gordon Brown rap been clearer in my labelling system of 6:37am as our subconscious slumber on principle and thus we were left with ble, liberally spreading a glaze of jam concert. As she left the table I cursed historic city sites aided by only a ham was interwoven with the incessant beat the now legendary delicacy of toast across my ham, I came into conversa- my awful small talk and ate my jam like and jam crayon. As a result of the blun- of dance/house trance fusion. It would with ham, cheese, and jam. The ham, tion with a beautiful French girl, and a good Christian boy. dering city cartographer, we arrived at seem that our bulbous friend from the cheese and jam combination is now we began to bond over a shared dislike Our hopes were high for the fresh Anne Frank’s pad only to find it had colonies had set an early alarm call largely overlooked in Blair’s Britain, of poorly-cooked oatmeal. day, our morale barely dented by my been converted into a zoo contain- to awaken him from a pie-induced however, during the 17th century res- Not being helped by an ill-judged previous brush-off and so we set out ing among other animals: Warthog, snooze, yet the greedy gobbler had toration period, as copious indulgence and slightly racist comment by my fel- to look at a young girl’s attic. Our trip Heron, and Llama. Looking at a small failed to wake himself, copious adipose led to the acquisition of the Jam colo- low travelling companion about French was planned like a military operation, schoolchild waving at a distressed pea- tissue clearly muffling his hearing and nies from the then Rhodesia causing the cuisine (he claimed later that he did albeit one without a map and a clear cock, I sensed we may not have honed thus the unexpected concert contin- now notorious jam flood of London’s not realise the nature of her national- sense of direction, so we were reliant in on the ‘secret annex.’ ued until 8am. East End, endless ham and jam houses ity, a claim I can only fail to believe due on the maps provided at information Our disastrous day was only com- After a communal shower and morn- sprouted up. As we know, cheese was to her outrageous French accent), I at- points throughout the city. pounded by a hastily planned trip to the Ajax stadium where we were informed by a haughty blonde that tours of the stadium had been cancelled due to a concert by a non-specific band which I latter found out were called ‘De top- pers’. It was a bitter disappointment. The next day, having used a series of GPS pigeons to finally locate what the Nazis had failed to do for so long, we paid €7.50 and filed into a small house at number 267, Prinsengracht Street. I am not going to make cheap jokes about what was, at times, a mov- ing exhibition but I will point out that the choice, by an Canadian tourist, to hum out loud ‘The Final Countdown’ upon exiting the secret Annex was at best, ill-judged. Relaxing later in a sunny ‘Ooster- park’ surrounded by a pack of dogs that seemed strangely attracted to the belt on my jeans (I really don’t know why this was, a sentiment I repeated later to a stern looking customs official) we re- flected on an error-filled, but ultimate- ly enjoyable trip and decided to go and Amsterdam. Caution advised when seeking out accommodation... find another harassed peacock. 28 felix Friday 6 June 2008

Fun & Games [email protected] Needy McNeedy: pwning n00bs on 56k modems Teaching L’Oreal models the ‘flick’ since TV began. Email your problems to: [email protected]

ometimes people come up for about a year and a half, and it’s to me and they just start tell- Dear MoreBeerPlease, still going really well. Recently, one of Dear Desperate, ing me intricate details about my ex-girlfriends started to message their lives. It’s not my fault; I From experience, you definitely don’t me on Facebook, and then we started My parents have recently decided to Sdon’t even ask them to. I must need any of the following things to get texting each other. Yesterday she sug- get divorced. I thought their mutual just have a kind face or something. a job: CV, cover letter, interview. At gested that she should come down and disdain would last forever, but they (I’m pulling my most sympathetic face least not the kind of job I think would stay with me in London. I think she have decided to enforce their misery right now; it’s pretty damn caring.) suit your kind (i.e. one that pays well thinks we’re going out. How do I break on the unsuspecting public instead. Email your problems to agony.felix@ for little effort). There are some things the news about my girlfriend? My mum believes this is a new lease of imperial.ac.uk. I can send you a pic- you do need, however. life for her, and during a phone call the ture of the caring face in return. It’ll They are: a vast majority of acquaint- BlueEyes other day she told me that she wants brighten up your day. ances with jobs, good bribery mate- to come and live in London with me. rial, and, if possible, something which Dear BlueEyes, How can I keep her out of my life? would put you in a minority group. Dear Needy McNeedy, This makes you instantly employable. Definitely don’t tell her. Picture the Desperate I’d advise you to carry on partying scene: one day you are an old man, So... had the exams, did the exams. as hard as you can until you’ve made with various small children sitting gaz- Dear Desperate, I thought it went quite well, thanks enough friends and then let them get ing at you from a rug by a fire, plead- for asking. Then I partied quite hard, your new job for you. ing with you to tell them the exciting How dare you treat your mother drank a lot, vomited on the Rector’s If this fails, I’m beginning to need a story about when you were young and with such disrespect? If you’ve been shoes (ok so I made that bit up) and secretary to cope with the deluge of had to juggle two girlfriends. This is through the experience of halls, it’s concentrated on getting over my emails from poor confused students. perfect Hollywood romantic comedy pretty much overrated living without hangover. Applicants please email their party material, why would you throw it all your parents. Nobody else will pick But now the hangover’s gone, and invitations to agony.felix@imperial. away? your festering washing off the floor so is the revision, and life should be ac.uk. Just make sure you’ve picked which and return it, ironed and folded, into sweeeet. (And it is: I’m having a bril- one you’re actually going to end up your drawers. Nobody else will pay liant time getting drunk 24/7) But Needy xxx with before the ex arrives, and pick for your food. (That is, unless you get slowly my money is draining away. that very weekend to propose to either a long suffering and mistreated girl- How do I go about getting one of those of them. Or both. friend.) Call her and ask when she can job things? Dear Needy McNeedy, move in. Needy xxx MoreBeerPlease I’ve been with my long-term girlfriend Needy xxx H to the o, r, o, sizzle copes – it’s the Horoscopes

Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio

This week you and This week you are This week the Editor This week your two of your friends mysteriously trans- scares you, but the brother shrinks you are naked in your ported to John Len- kind of ‘scares’ that with the laser he’s room with your non’s boudoir. He kind of arouses been developing boyfriend. You drive proclaims his love you. You know like for quite some him wild with all for you and throws when you’re walking time. Instead of manners of teasing but in a sudden change of Yoko out the window. In an avant-garde twist through the park late at night, and a man a dramatic Hollywood-esque situation, you mood berate him for looking. How dare he get she writes a poem on the way down entitled points a gun at your head and says “give me measure a vast 4 foot, 3 inches. Whaddya you turned on when I kiss and touch my friends! “Am I falling or is the ground rocketing up- your money” but all you really want to give mean you don’t use Imperial measurements?! Fucking pervert. I’m going to rip out his eye wards?” Regardless she face-plants the pave- him is your virginity? Or when a dog is barking You stupid dick face. No one actually balls with a blunt spoon, then ram them in a ment with a satisfying crack, splat and oooh at you but you imagine it saying “I don’t bite... understands metres and centimetres. Get blender and turn that bitch up to 11. BRRUU- baby, faceless corpse. Lennon peers out of the hard”. You know what I’m saying, yeh bruv? out of my country you silly mong. How many URRRNNNNNN. Splat. Eyeball soup. Pwned. window, undresses and you get it on. Yeh? No? No... Awkward... Awwwwkward metres away is home? eh? EH? Moron.

Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius

This week your This week you try This week you This week you dis- blind boyfriend your best to get audition for a Cillit cover the downside loses all interest. He deported. Police still Bang advert. You’re to making close explains “basically, won’t arrest you for going up against friends. When you you were like, well cannabis possession Barry Scott because were just aquaint- fit, but now you’re and that girl you for some reason ances you censored like, just well annoying. Innit blud.” You cry raped won’t talk. Last time you tried to blow he has to audition for absolutely every advert your behaviour and personality, and people yourself to sleep but then get revenge by push- up a public building, some bloke named Abdul he wants to be in. You dub yourself Barry thought you were normal. Now that you feel ing him down a flight of stairs. Painful and got the blame. You resign yourself to a fate in Scoot. It comes to audition day. Barry’s givin’ more relaxed around them you tell them that politically incorrect. You stand atop the stairs a cold, lifeless country. When someone points it large and all that jazz, so in an attempt to it is you that writes the Horoscopes. They are cackling manically, before turning to your out how easy it is to get a flight out, you gash cut him down in his prime you plant him with disgusted, not because of the crude nature of chalkboard with your plans for world domina- him in the face with your deadly Shank. It chloroform, cut a small opening in his thigh the horoscopes but because that pulsing vein tion scrawled on its dark surface. turns out to be the Prime Minister... and tongue it with all your might. Winner. in your eye is kinda weird... seriously

Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn

Your interest in ...Instead of being This week you take a This week in a mo- your crippled, deported you’re trip into the future. ment of spontane- blind, impotent and given a life sentence Upon arriving ous adventure you generally broken in a minimum you discover that ride your motorbike boyfriend rekindles. security prison. the upper half of to Cuba. 10 metres After destroying his You become even your body failed off the coast you life, he has no choice but to love you. As you more demoralised with life especially with the to make it through the portal. That’s right realise that neither you, your motorbike nor lay down at the end of the first day of the rest ease at which you can escape from the prison. you are a pair of legs, with no worries in the the sandwich you were keeping for the journey of your lives together, you feel his shattered You try to find meaning by beating the world 36th century. There’s so much to see... Uh are waterproof and decide to head back. You tibia invading your personal space. You push record for the number of murders committed. experience... Uh walk to and all the time in the return to Beit Quad to find a bunch of goons in him off the bed onto the cold hard floor. 58,000,003 never seemed so far away. world. Unfortunately, you just fall over... sigh facepaint singing “BOWIES IN SPACEEE” Friday 6 June 2008 felix 29 [email protected] Fun & Games

Slitherlink 1,406 1,405 solution lines between the dots to create one common place to start on a Slith- long, and most importantly, looping erlink grid is by drawing crosses line. It should have no start or finish; around any zeros. Drawing crosses 032 3 just like an elastic band. is purely done to so that you know 231 3 2 2 1 3 Each number indicates how many where there can’t possibly be a line. 2 2 2 lines should be drawn around it, for So, take the pattern below as an ex- example: ample. Begin by drawing crosses, 3 1 2 then by filling in some lines: 3 3 232 3 1 2 2 1 3 2 3 3 3 3 2 2 1 2 1 1 1 0 0 3 3 1 2 2 x Cells which don’t contain a number 3 3223 2 x x 3 2 can be surrounded by any number of 0 3 3 222 2 2 lines. x 1 2 1 3 2 Remember, the line must form a The winner of Slitherlink 1,405 was loop, so the line cannot branch. The Hringur Gretarsson yet again! Hold following situations are not allowed: 222 on, that’s actually not true. No one Now the lines can only continue in actually entered this week! Please the following directions: 2 2 1 222 enter. My life isn’t worth living oth- erwise. We’ll give a prize out in the 2 2 1 2 1 2 1 summer. How to play: x 2 3 1 3 x 0 x 3 31 2 2 Crudely speaking, Slitherlink is simi- Squares are not allowed either. There x lar to Minesweeper mixed with a are never cells containing the number 2 1 dash of Sudoku. 4 in Slitherlink. The object of the game is to draw So, where do you start? The most

Wordoku 1,406 This week’s texts: “ Can whoever finds it funny to draw penis’ in the girls library S E N M toilets get a life! Plus I’m sure yours aren’t that big!” E O “‘Slagology: The study of the widely misrepresented culture of sexual G O N E and pseudo-sexual transgression within the modern western civilisa- E B A G tions’ by V. Sri... the official story 1,405 Solution Wordoku is identical to Sudoku; on the sexploits and mishaps of the S N we’ve just replaced numbers with world’s most unlikely womaniser... T N H B I Y L A R letters. Once you’ve completed 07980 148 785 “Lol i shared a bed wiv 2 girls last B G N E B L Y H A R T N I the puzzle, there is a hidden word night. Now im bak in tolworth R I A L T N H Y B to find. Email answers to sudoku. waitin 4 community service. Lol. . Life...” S G M A A B L I N H Y R T [email protected] TEXT US! OR Y H R T B L A I N The winner of Wordoku 1,405 “So... like, hey boss, how goes it. I’m N T I R Y A B H L WE WON’T O A was Dave Man. Congratulations! doin plnty of work here. Not just I Y T N H B R L A The hidden word was: FEED THE CAT! textin into my favourite service for L A B Y R I N T H LABYRINTH. Keep those entries free sex acts... honest” M B N S H R N A L T I B Y coming in.

Crossword No. 1,406 Answers to: [email protected]

1 1 2 2 3 3 4 4 5 6 5 6 ACROSS DOWN Official congratulations to Alexander 7 Tears through fabric prices (9) 1 Frame a learned man in church (5) Mettrick, and unofficial congratula- 7 8 8 English rugby goal makes an 2 Subject a child to logical thought tions to the various Felix members of appearance (5) (6) staff who came up with the right an- 9 9 10 10 Superlatively vulgar coat of arms 3 Records attempt to make a woven swers. If the Sports Editor can do it, contains donkey (8) cloth (8) people, so can you. 10 11 11 X (6) 4 Gods tied up atheist’s perverted Good luck this week; a busy schedule 12 Tie not the way it sounds (4) soul (7) means that some of the clues may be 11 13 Doorway delight (8) 5 Grow without difficulty after a little looser than I would otherwise 15 Initial word? (7) incredible start (8) prefer. Enjoy. 12 13 17 Invention permits father to camp 6 Try sweet after releasing spore (9) Enoch on spithead (7) 9 Sweet and sour? (4) 13 14 14 16 20 Beach sport expert sinks first, then 14 Excused for giving up whilst having rises to the top (8) performed (9) 15 16 17 18 22 Southern bum cheek (4) 16 Crimes of middle-men (6) Solution to Crossword 1,405 25 Prevents development of acrobatic 18 Tease the demented art lover (8) 18 19 20 manoeuvres (6) 19 Confused prude follows us to S P I N A L C O L U M N 26 Religious leaders have an ultimate seized throne (7) C D F O U O B H A W E S T R U C K R O U S E 20 21 22 23 drive to practice (8) 21 1/sect (4) 27 Make hints back and forth (5) 23 Hush before a man reveals himself L O A A E I P P E B O N L N A P A L T R Y H S W I N D L E D 21 22 24 24 28 Interestingly sly, albeit like an to be a witch doctor (6) animal (9) 24 Song title in hand for church hymn E N S P M G A U A A T R E F E L E T H A L L P R E D A T O R 25 26 (5) O P O T T E A M E O I I N N F A R T H I N G E C L I N I C 26 27 E I E I E A T A A A C J D S R L E A V E N E D M G E N O M E 27 28 L E D T A E L D H B V R C N A O D O U R T O S T R I C H E S W H R O T E P C M O T E R E E RE R S C H E E R L E A D E R MS 30 felix Friday 6 June 2008 Hangman Putting the cat out to dry [email protected] Who are these Imperial inbreds? Outraged CSM representative, Alistair Hutchinson, relives nightmare. RSM feels no remorse whatsoever

very year Camborne School place, calling me a liar and a cheat. of Mines partakes in a However, Mr Danny Phantom, I have seemingly friendly series proof (not proof of the stated incident, of matches with the Royal but proof of something)! E School of Mines. I Alistair After days of searching, I discovered Hutchinson (definitely not a Hangman offensive pictures on the Imperial Col- reporter pretending to be from CSM) lege Union’s Web site. Many stating enjoy the playful banter as we beat that we, CSM and the Cornish, are not RSM into submission every year. In genetically engineered super humans fact I can’t remember the last hockey but actually inbred swine. WE ARE match in which CSM didn’t beat RSM NOT INBRED! Just ugly to the max. by at least 100.5 goals. This year was I hope by writing this article you, the particularly enjoyable as the CSM 17ths general populous of Imperial College, beat the RSM 1sts in rugby. However will see how scummy the RSM really is; the sweet nectar of victory was spoiled I hear they’re trying to become a sepa- by uncivilised mongrels. That’s right, rate union. What fools. Imperial College’s beloved RSM! The shameful actions of RSM mem- Where did these come from?! Ahem... Union website! http://www2.union.ic.ac.uk/rsm/gallery/bmcomp07 Check the web link on the left, to bers at this year’s Bottle Match were see more offensive pictures cre- a step too far. RSM members trawled ated by RSM. around Camborne carrying pitchforks, was that of Big Time Willy. Big Time shouldn’t have worn that cow bell, oh to Danny Phantom (RSM President), If you were offended by any- torches and dildos; brutally violating (BT) was penetrated by no less than why didn’t you listen Big Time? asking him to apologise to Big Time thing in this issue, please email. any CSM member they could get their 5 members of the RSM hockey team, BT’s hideous disfigurement into a Willy for the terrible things that had We’ll be sure to pass your ad- hands on and setting our thatched then branded with the RSM logo as if half man, half cow hybrid forced me to happened to him. I received a letter dress onto www.freaksofcock. houses alight. One of the worst cases he were a piece of cattle. I told BT he send a really, really, really angry letter back denying any such behaviour took com. Go on, check it out... Rector gets his in last orders How to be attractive on the tube, mash-up style tudents; the next few para- graphs could turn out to be the most important words you’ve ever read. I am your S saviour and I am here to lead you to the promised land that is sexual intercourse with a female. Delete your bookmarked porn sites and start using your socks on your feet because the se- cret of being attractive to the opposite sex is about to be revealed. Tip number 1: If you are beyond hu- man help, ie: ugly, stop reading now Tip number 2: A hot body (see right) helps, but is significantly counter-acted by long, curly hair... lose the hair Tip number 3: If you are gaming, then you aren’t spending time with girls: cease gaming immediately Tip number 4: Now that you’ve got a hot body, nice hair and some spare time; leave Imperial. Run! Flee the darkness! Tip number 5: Stop taking tips from somebody who works for Felix. Don’t you know we never... never get laid. If Rector and his new lady friend, later found floating in the Thames you’re looking for help from us, then... you might as well kill yourself This guy’s a Physicist: meaning he has the attractiveness of a flag pole

oooooooooooooooooooze. good ol’ Dickie and quite frankly we I know you guys. You like were disgusted, appalled and aroused to drink it don’t ya? Don’t by his performance. Secretive Hangman Editor responds folk. We’ve seen what happens when lie to the Hangman or you’ll We totally didn’t Photoshop the pic- knitting and men come together, look B end up like Felix (see right). ture. Honest. Look at the time stamp. Letter A young boy named Timmy used to what happened to poor old Timmy. Turns out you’re not the only ones who Dear Editor, live in Kansas, never harmed a fly. We can’t allow more people to be like to intoxicate yourselves to the ex- One day he stumbled upon his mother harmed by this here knittin’. tent they’d have sex with Ross Gold- Not wanting to sound like the Foot- in the kitchen, knitting. No-one’s quite I was alarmed when Knitsock was berg (post-stabbing). As you may have ball Club... protest to the slurs... sure what happened next, but... that founded but I’m a tolerant person deduced, our Rector, Richard Sykes, is ...deeply derogatory... slander... neg- boy was never the same. He lost sight in even if I don’t agree with some of the an alcoholic fiend! ative... gender stereotyping... retract both eyes and couldn’t enjoy the touch stuff in this world. But I don’t wanna The picture, shown above, taken by this comment... extend a warm invi- of another human being again. see more lives ruined, I’ll thank ya not the Hangman team shows our “glori- tation... join our rank... long pointy The point of the story is this, sure to come around again and to leave ous” rector drinking on the circle line, sticks some people might benefit from knit- our menfolk alone ya-hear? Now get, during the riot that was “Last Drinks ting, who knows there might even be unless you want to feel the end of this on the Tube”. The Hangman crew hung Knit Sock HQ folk who enjoy it, but it’s just for lady here shotgun, alright? out all night on the tube drinking with Friday 6 June 2008 felix 31 [email protected] Sport Imperial’s men have Met success in Eton

Iain Palmer College composite coxless four, featur- a quad at Henley. After this, the duo’s ing Imperial rowers Simon Hislop and thoughts will turn to trials, with Gor- This weekend saw one of the most George Whittaker, as well as Olym- don set to enter GB U23 lightweight prestigious domestic rowing events pic Gold medallist Kieron West. The trials in the autumn and Tietz vying take place in Eton; the Metropolitan four’s race on Saturday saw them come for a place in the German lightweight Regatta. While most other university a disappointing 2nd to a Cambridge squad. sports tend to wind down over the University crew made up of boat race Imperial also entered its top 8 into summer, the peak of competitive row- veterans. However, a change in crew an event featuring the fastest crews in ing conveniently occurs in the middle order and adjustment of rigging saw the UK. Essentially, the 8 was made up of exam season! the Imperial 4- turn things around the of two coxless fours that had raced the The Metropolitan Regatta is second following day to win their ‘elite’ event previous day and as such was almost, only to Henley Royal Regatta in terms by 4 seconds. but not quite, a ‘scratch’ crew. Some of quality of racing, and is a vital test In single sculling boats, Andrew members of the crew approached the of speed before racing at Henley. It Gordon and Ole Tietz both raced hard race with some trepidation; however, involves 6 or 7 crews racing side-by- in their heats to reach the same semi- a good rhythm was quickly found dur- side over 2 kilometres from a standing final. Ole was able to turn around a 3rd ing an extended race warm-up, and start. In physiological terms, it is one place in his heat to win the semi- and the crew attached to the start pontoon of the most intense forms of exercise subsequently come a close second in a with greater confidence. in any sport, and lies between a sprint tough final. On Sunday, the two came The eight had a quick start, staying in Imperial 1st 8 going for a paddle and a long-distance race in a horrible together in a double-scull and showed the pack and in touch with the rest of world of lactate pain, which most nor- their excellent speed as a crew by com- the field. At 1000m the crew were only mal people will never have had the joy ing 3rd in an ‘elite’ event (the highest 4 seconds behind Durham University; causing an unfortunate braking effect). ‘powerhouse’ middle four of Adam Se- of experience! category of racing, usually featuring the fastest uni crew in the country. However, the last 500m saw the crew ward, Carlos Schuster, John Dick and This year, Imperial had a total of 18 potential/current internationals). The Soon after halfway, a member of the battling hard once again to finish with Frank Murphy maintained the work to boats entered in a variety of races at the Gordon-Tietz double is now hoping to crew caught a ‘crab’ (where the oar significant speed. With 4 weeks re- remain fully in the race and finish ex- ‘Met’. Topping the bill was an Imperial find another two scullers to compete in is not extracted from the water, thus maining until Henley, the gap between cellently. Importantly, this eight over- Durham and Imperial can be closed, came their collective lack of experience provided the crew really pull together through determination and raced very as one. hard all the way to the finish. Promis- The depth of the squad was also ingly, this crew was only 1s slower at shown by the 2nd 8, another scratch 500m and 3s slower at 1500m than the crew and containing four newcomers 1st 8, showing quality throughout the (this year) to the sport. After boating squad. 45 minutes before the race, the crew This week, the build-up really be- practised their start, and immediately gins for Henley. While many students found that there was significant speed. will be either revising (before exams) By the fourth or fifth practise start; the or drinking (after exams!), spare a boat was moving surprisingly well and thought for Imperial’s rowers, who will scything through the water. still be training 11 times a week. By the After rowing to the start line, the time you read this, the entire squad will eight came under starter’s orders. “At- have completed 2k ergometer tests; 2 tention……Go!”. First stroke; draw. kms on the rowing machine, absolute- Second stroke; draw again, then spin ly flat out. I advise you to attempt this up the rate. On stroke five, the stroke yourselves for ‘fun’; have a go at beating man almost caught a crab, which George Whittaker’s 5’ 59.9s (averaging would have spelt an effective end to 1:30 / 500m). I can guarantee that it is the race. However, the rest of the crew one of the most painful tests known to recovered well to reach full length by man. However, if this is what it takes stroke 10 and get off to an excellent for racing success this summer, then it Imperial 2nd 4 pulling away from the rest of the pack start. Throughout the next 2000m the is most certainly more than worth it! Imperial’s women also deliver goods at the Met

Christina Duffy women’s double sculls S2 event, com- opening heats and progressed straight four seconds. in these boats. Not in action over the ing second in the opening round and to the final without having to partici- Imperial (A) crew were in action weekend but expected to perform well The Metropolitan Regatta took place finishing an impressive third place in pate in the repechage. The six-hour again on Sunday in the S2 category at WHR, is the women’s heavyweight last weekend in the world-class rowing the final just over four seconds off win- gap between races was fatal for Impe- competing for the Matt Wood Bowl. quad of Jenny Forrester, Guen Brad- centre at Dorney Lake. This spectacu- ners Durham University BC. rial (B) who were unlucky in a tough fi- They finished third in the opening bury, Carlyn Greenhalgh and Erica lar location will host events in the Ol- There was further achievement in nal, while Imperial (A) were impressive round proceeding to the repechage but Thompson at bow. The power quad is ympic and Paralympic Games in 2012 sculling on Sunday when quadruple and won their division in 7:36.17. The were unable to reach a top three posi- a formidable force, as shown in their and has already been host to Rowing scullers Claire Waterworth, Rachael Littleton Rosebowl was awarded to the tion and didn’t make the final. victory in Ghent. The next few weeks World Cup 2005 and the World Row- Davies, Cynthia Mynhardt and Katy fastest overall crew of the two divisions The weekend’s results are very prom- in the build up to WHR will prove cru- ing Championships in 2006. ICBC Smith raced in a straight final. They which Imperial lost out on to Cardiff ising and with several weeks remaining cial as crews endeavour to stay healthy squads were entered in a range of sen- had a winning time of 7:13.5 with University/Swansea University by over before WRH, more speed will be gained during this intense training period. ior categories for the 2km regatta race Mortlake Anglian & Alpha BC trailing and departed early on Saturday morn- for second place in 7:18.22. ing prepared for a tough weekend. ICBC commander-in-chief Erica While most boat clubs generally spe- Thompson was in action in the wom- cialise in either rowing (single oar) or en’s S3 single sculls coming second

sculling (two oars), Imperial College in the opening heat and progressing NICK ABLITT Boat Club continually finds success to the semi-final but unfortunately in both techniques. Coaches Steve missed out on a final place. Jenny For- Trapmore, Ross Smitheman and Brian rester competed in the women’s S2 Steele have focused intensively on the single sculls and after dominating the women’s squad, preparing them for repechage proceeded to the final, fin- the pinnacle of the season; Women’s ishing 5th overall in a time of 8:18.97 Henley Royal (WHR), which takes to Reading RC’s pole position finish in place this month on June 20-22. The 8:02.74. MET regatta is essentially the Golden In the rowing events there were two Globes of the rowing circuit offering coxed fours entered in the S3 category, predictions for possible victories at which due to the volume of entries was Henley. With WHR just three weeks divided into two divisions. Imperial away, racing crews have been largely College (A) consisted of Selina Gra- decided upon and the MET regatta is ham, Ro Smith, Deborah Tamulonis a chance to see where crews are ex- and Clarice Chung coxed by Connie pected to rank and if any last minute Pidoux while I was stroke for Imperial changes are necessary. College (B) comprised of Mackenzie Lightweights Rachael Davies and Clavin, Anna Jones and Deepika Red- Cynthia Mynhardt competed in the dy. Both crews finished first in their Coxed four empty the tanks for victory Send in your sport reports: felix [email protected] sport High resolution photos only NICK ABLITT

Imperial at the MET Imperial College Boat Club successful in Eton, see page 31

Henley Royal Regatta Imperial students hope for international success Iain Palmer event with two wins. As a result, Im- ternationally and show it can compete perial was given the honour of naming with the likes of Cambridge and Har- To many, Henley Royal Regatta is an the event and the rector, Sir Richard vard outside of academia, as it already Iain Palmer Mahoney, who is aiming to compete at opportunity to drink Pimm’s in the sun Sykes, donated the Cup last year on does inside. Women’s Henley runs the 2008 FISU World University Row- by the Thames. However, for most se- behalf of the college, in the presence of from Friday 20th June to Sunday 22nd Imperial student and ICUACC ‘Sports- ing Championships in the lightweight rious rowers, it is the peak of the rac- HRH The Queen. June, while Henley Royal Regatta be- man of the Year’ Adam Freeman-Pask pair. Good luck to all of Imperial’s cur- ing season – the event for which the This year Imperial will be seek- gins on Wednesday 2nd July and ends is no stranger to international compe- rent and future international oarsmen! past nine months of training have been ing wins at Henley Royal Regatta and on Sunday 6th. For more information, tition, having competed in the World building up to. Women’s Henley. Such feats will not be visit the regattas’ websites at www.hwr. Rowing U23 Championships in both In essence, there is no other race easily achieved; if they are, however, it org.uk and www.hrr.co.uk. Please feel 2006 and 2007, and the World Univer- quite like it. Unlike most other regat- will boost Imperial’s sporting reputa- very welcome to come and support sity Rowing Championships in 2006. tas, it is raced side-by-side and against tion massively both in the UK and in- your university! However, in the coming year he hopes the stream. A week before the race it- to raise his sights even further by aim- self, a full-scale construction process ing for selection to race at the Senior is carried out to lay wooden booms in World Championships. the river along the length of the 2112m Over the weekend Adam raced in course, create various riverside enclo- the ‘elite lightweight single sculls’ at

sures and build a large grandstand at NICK ABLITT Metropolitan Regatta’, winning with an the finish line. However, it is truly the awesome 1st 500m time of 1’ 40s. The unique atmosphere of the regatta that following day, he moved into a poten- makes it special; crews travel from as tial GB lightweight quad, which also far away as the US and Australia to ex- won very convincingly. This should perience racing at Henley. Unsullied stand Adam in good stead for selection by commercial interests, the regatta is, to represent his country once again in however, a truly British institution. the near future. Racing begins on Wednesday and It should be stressed, however, that continues until Sunday in a one-on- rowing at such a level is not all work one ‘knock-out’ format, generally with and no play. As we are told by his pro- a race each day for each crew still in file on the GB rowing website, “in his their event. The quality of racing in all spare time Adam enjoys sports such events is extremely high, and a Henley as surfing, snow boarding and cycling win is highly prized. In the past four and also likes going to the cinema and years, Imperial College has dominat- to live gigs.” The man himself, Adam Freeman- ed the ‘Prince Albert Challenge Cup’ A perfect day at Henley A mention should also go out to Olly Pansk