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Naval Intelligence CLIVEDEN LIBRARY l.<Wj Number ...LB- Date .. /.«^i.2 y^ldopf ASTOR ^ojiay Naval Intelligence Naval Intelligence BY THE AUTHOR OF IN THE NORTHERN MISTS GRAND FLEET DAYS ETC HODDER AND STOUGHTON LONDON NEW YORK TORONTO MCMXVIII " The origmal photograph from which the picture 07i the wrapper is reproduced was taken from the author's ship, and has been passed by Jdmiralty Censor." Editors The zAiithor begs to thank the of The Saturday Westminster, Land and Water, and The Star for their kind permission to reprint the following articles and sketches ; and similar thanks are due to the Editor of The Daily Express with respect to some of the verses. Co7itents Contents /. Naval Intelligence me to open this subject with an our Puss. It appropriate story about ALLOWis an absolutely true story, and ought and headed really to have been sent to the Spectator " Extraordinary Intelligence of a Ship's Cat." This remarkable animal lives on terms of more or less malevolent neutrality with the Commander's an creature bulldog ; obstreperous, galum.phing whose crude idea of humour is to spring suddenly upon Puss and bark at her in a most disturbing and fur-raising fashion. Puss is no hoyden, and does not appreciate this at all ! The other day she was graciously giving us the honour of her presence in the ante-room, v/hen we saw her give a sudden start and execute a lightning right-about-turn in mid-air, coming down again in the fraction of a second facing the door and in a very defensive and fluffed-up attitude. ?^ Naturally, we looked to see the bulldog entering the room. But there was no sign of him, nor was his raucous voice to be heard, even in the distance ; only the steward made his appearance, coming in on his lav/f\d occasions. 1 Naval Intelligence There were reproachful heads shaken at Puss, accusing her of a departure from her customary of all at it dawned quickness perception ; till, once, upon us that what we took for unwonted dullness was really an exhibition of preternatural intelligence. The steward's name was Barker ! But it is not only amongst the Higher Animals of our naval universe that intelligence is cultivated from base humans it is and displayed ; even demanded, and the supply is —sometimes—equal to the demand. Indeed, there exists at the Admiralty a special Department dealing solely in this mental product. It is called the Naval Intelligence Department; and a close acquaintance with its methods and its publications leads me to believe that it is named on the same principle as was, according to Professor Bryce, the Holy Roman Empire. From this centre of light the radiance of Naval Intelligence extends in all directions. Its beams illuminate even the ultra-Neptunian orbit of the average Midshipman. Witness the case of the midshipmen of a certain ship in the Grand Fleet— no, not this ship, nor even in this squadron. The Admiral of the ship in question is a very he intellectual man, and immensely energetic ; takes a great interest in the w^elfare of his officers, and is especially keen on the proper upbringing of the juniors. So, thinking perhaps that some of the Young Gentlemen might be prone to give way to the temptations of idleness unless some con- structive occupation were provided for them, he 2 Naval Intelligence conceived the idea of ordering the midshipmen to prepare a Lecture for dehvery before an audience of the whole of the officers. The composed " ship's general subject was to be The World's Greatest " allowed to select Men ; each midshipman being his favourite Greatest Man and to work up the subject according to his own ideas. Need I say that!the Young Gentlemen did not at all appreciate this solicitude for their moral and intellectual well-being ? But, of course, they complied with the order, and in due time delivered their lectures. And whom do you think they " " picked as their World's Greatest Men ? The Nietzsche the first midshipman ^chose ; second, — ! Treitschke ; and the third the Kaiser That put a stop to the lectures. Who now will be bold enough to say that midshipmen are lacking in Naval Intelligence ? And I must not omit to add that they were, all three of them, remarkably good lectures too ! For an example of the intelligent grasping the skirts of opportunity it would hardly be possible to cite a more apt case than that of one of our men who came to me recently requesting to join up with lower-deck French class, " my " Do know any French at all ? I asked him. " you sir a little." Not very much, ; just " " But how much, exactly, do you know ? I repeated, with the object of finding out how near he might be to the level of the others. " " Well, sir," he said, I just know un, deu^, trois, quaire, and bonsoir, and one or two little B 3 Naval Intelligence like that I went out a walk things ; you see, sir, for " one evening with a young French lady ! That branch of my subject which deals with Intelligent Anticipation has reference principally to two problems alone, so far as the Navy is concerned. They are (1) When will the War end ? and (2) Shall we get another smack at the Hun fleet ? Neither of these subjects for prophecy has will observe the merit of novelty, as you doubtless ; yet they are both of perennial interest to us, and moreover are closely intertwined, seeing that we to goodness the war won't come to a stop hope " " without our having a little turn-out at sea. But Intelligent Anticipation has not, up to the present, provided much help towards the solution of either problem, and all that we venture to say with any confidence is that if a general Fleet Action should occur, the fault will not be ours if the end of the war does not follow very quickly after ! Nor must I omit a reference to the classical of for these subject Intellectual Damages ; surely are due to us, estranged as we are from those who, " " according to Tennyson, are twice as quick as we dull-witted males. For what good is it for a " man to have a wife at home who keeps him " tight —(what would the Strength of Britain people have said to the Laureate if he had lived to see their day ?)—when he is for such long periods cut off from that pleasurable discipline ? *' " //. The Three Squeakers came on board H.M.S. Fcarnaught —a of three a in a body body ; and THEYpoor pathetic little body of three they looked, too. In their little new uniform suits with the naval cadet's strip of white braid on the collar, and their little new caps with very shiny like peaks, '._,they seemed more small schoolboys rigged out for a fancy-dress ball than naval officers. All of them were pink-faced, and all had thick hair growing well down over the temples towards their bright eyes, and springing luxuriantly from the crown of their foreheads. Indeed, had this hair been allowed to grow a little longer, they could very well have passed themselves off as girls—yes, and quite pretty girls. As a matter of fact, this was one of the earliest things they were called upon to do after joining the ship. The beauty-chorus of the FearnaughVs funny-party had become decidedly pass^, all its members having been rated ordinary seamen and so suffered the cultivated bass voices ; they same bitter experience as other chorus ladies have done before at the hands of revengeful Time, and were B2 ^ Naval Intelligence pushed out to make way for our three new cadets. They reported themselves to the commander, who after them with a whimsical smile as gazed " they trotted off towards the gunroom. Good " " Lord ! he It seems a shame to send sighed. " such babies to sea ! Poor little ! squeakers " Then he called them back, to say, One moment—I forgot to ask you your names." The three little stood to Squeakers stiffly" attention in front of him, so very seriously strict " service in their demeanour that the commander had to bite his brown moustache in order to a smile. suppress" Parker, sir," said the first, in a piping treble. " Johnson, sir," said the second Squeaker. " Johnson, sir," said also the third. " " Both of you called Johnson ? " Yes, sir," from the two simultaneously. " " Brothers, eh ? " No, sir, no relation. He is C. M. Johnson and I am C. F." " That won't do," the commander smiled, " shaking his head. Not distinction enough. Which " of you two is the junior ? " I am, sir," replied C. M. " Then, Johnson will have to be junior, you " Jackson on board this ship. Understand ? " and Yes, sir," meekly agreed Johnson junior ; Jackson he became from that moment. Once installed in the gunroom the Three Squeakers came under the direct and drastic 6 " " The Three Squeakers orders of that powerful autocrat the Senior Sub- lieutenant. The rule of the Senior Sub is an unlimited monarchy. All the Rights of Sac and Soc, all the Laws of the Medes and Persians, all the Privileges of the Ancienne Noblesse, and all other powers held by all other peoples in all other ages— boil them all down into one, and they are as nothing to the sway exercised by the Senior Sub- lieutenant in the gunroom of one of H.M. ships of war. His word has to be and " obeyed, unquestioningly, at the double." What would happen if any unfortunate snotty or cadet ventured to be slack about it I do not know.
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