55 – DAVID and ABSALOM 2 Samuel 8-24; 1 Chronicles 3; 11; 18-21; 24; Psalms 3 April 13
This entry begins with lots of battles and David’s men defeating the enemy. However, even when there are so many victories occurring on the battle field, there is nothing sadder for a God-fearing father than to see his children go off the rails spiritually, or, even worse, to have a totally rebellious son. The tale of Absalom’s rebellion provides an insight into the political intrigue of David’s time and a further insight into the humble heart of an extraordinary king, not to mention a Parenting Lesson for us all – you will reap what you sow! David’s sons sinned as a result of his own transgression. (Remember the prophecy from Nathan?) As mentioned before, Gene Edwards’ Christian classic, A Tale of Three Kings, is a riveting account of how we should behave when we are under an unrighteous leader, like a Saul, or when we are a leader threatened by an Absalom – HIGHLY RECOMMENDED READING! This book has kept me from sinning more than once!! LOOK OUT FOR lots of PARENTING INSIGHTS and LEADERSHIP LESSONS as you read this entry! (four days of reading)
These are great examples of bravery and honour, courage and sacrifice. The Thirty Mighty Men and their exploits are told in this section of scripture, and these stories are very inspiring. The chronological bible jumps all over the place here (if you have a question about how this works, write Mr. F. La Gard Smith himself – don’t ask me!!), going from 2 Sam 12/1 Chron 20 to 2 Sam 8/1 Chron 18 to 2 Sam 23/1 Chron 11 to describe this period of wars. I won’t comment on much here because just reading the history itself is exciting. One sad but noteworthy comment – Uriah the Hittite, the man who was betrayed and murdered by David, was actually one of the 30 mighty men, which makes the whole episode even uglier. Yuk!
Jump back to the end of 2 Samuel 12 for the birth of Solomon, who was born to Bathsheba to comfort her after the death of her other son. What an example of grace! Nathan the prophet delivered good news this time – he told the royal couple that the Lord loved this boy and asked that they give him the nick-name, “Jedidiah”, meaning “loved by the Lord”. Wow! What an incredible God we serve!! Talk about not holding grudges! No wonder God expects us to forgive.
On to the sad bit…go to 2 Samuel 13-20 for the story of Absalom.
2 SAMUEL 13-16:14 It all started when one of David’s sons, Amnon, FELL IN LUST with his half-sister, Tamar, and devised a plot to have sex with her. She was David’s child, just like Amnon, but from a different mother, and was the full sister of Absalom. (It is thought that Absalom and Tamar were the most handsome/beautiful children of King David.) Now here is a prince, who can have anyone he wants, lusting after his own sister! The Law of Moses had already outlawed incest and the penalty for sexual relations between siblings was being totally cut off from Israel. Leviticus makes it clear that no one should have sexual relations with a close relative, and specifically mentions with a sister, “either your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether she was born in the same home or elsewhere.” (Leviticus 18:6, 9; 20:17) Perhaps the catalyst for Amnon’s abomination was the combination of David having multiple wives, which would surely have caused rivalry and jealousy as it often does in today’s blended families, plus the fact that David hadn’t kept a lid on his own lust, combined with the fact that he probably hadn’t spent much time teaching his children the Law, even though he loved it himself, nor had he helped them to chose wise friends, since Amnon’s no-good cousin, Jonadab, helped to spur him on to his sin in the first place. At any rate, Amnon followed his wicked advisor’s counsel and tricked his sister into being with him alone, where he overpowered her and raped her. Once the deed was done, Amnon felt repulsed by Tamar and had his servants throw her out of the house! This is not unusual in such cases, one of the reasons being that when we finally get the unlawful thing that we have lusted and pined over, it is usually not half as “wonderful” as we thought it would be, and then we hate the object of our desire, and/or ourselves!
Now, look at David’s ineptitude at parenting: 2 Samuel 13:21 says, “When King David heard all this, he was furious.” What comes next? “So he disciplined him in front of all Israel.” Or “So he banished him from the kingdom.” Or even, “So he made Amnon marry his half-sister.” NO, the bible doesn’t say any of those things. It just says that David was furious, and THAT IS ALL THAT IT SAYS!!! Great – he was furious – and he should have been – but what did he DO about it??!! NOTHING!! This is one of the frustrations of being a parent – if we over-react, we risk alienating our children, even when they are in the wrong. However, if we under-react, we are not training them in the way they should go. That is why the way of love is the best way- we speak the truth in love, amen!!!!!!!! And when we make a mistake, we acknowledge it and move on. But we don’t do “NOTHING”!! (Sorry about the double negative.) How do we know that David did “nothing”? Because two years later, Amnon was still living as if “nothing” had happened, and Absalom still felt hungry for justice and revenge. If David had dealt with Amnon after the event, Absalom wouldn’t have needed to get justice himself! However, because it had never been dealt with, killing Amnon had been Absalom’s goal since his sister was raped (v 32). Then David goofed up again after Absalom murdered his brother. David had a forgiving heart, and perhaps he didn’t feel so angry toward Absalom because he knew it was his fault. However, instead of letting Absalom know that all was forgiven, he banished him. The bible doesn’t reveal David’s motive, but I can’t help thinking it was because the king was trying to “look strong”, and avoid “appearing weak”. This is another trap we can fall into as parents: TRYING TO LOOK GOOD AS PARENTS instead of thinking about what is the godly thing to do or what is best for our children spiritually in a certain situation. I have fallen into this myself, and shouted at my kids in front of others, which only humiliated them and didn’t help their repentance at all. Rebuking and correction are part of parenting, but they are best done in private. When we do it David’s way, we risk alienating the child, and this, of course, is counter productive. In David’s case, it was even worse, because his son then attempted a coup. That may not happen in our family
Now Absalom may not have been such a bad guy in the beginning - it is impossible to know – he at least cared for his sister. However, after he had nursed a grudge for two years, which developed into hatred, malice, murderous plotting and then actual first- degree murder and add to that that he then felt that he was treated unjustly by his father (since he probably viewed his sin as justifiable whereas Amnon’s was certainly not), he became a full-blown hard-hearted mass of justified bitterness and overweening arrogance! This is a dangerous place for any of us to get spiritually, and it usually happens when we feel we have been slighted, overlooked, or the victim in a case of injustice, where the perpetrator is “getting away with it”. The “bad guy” is usually a person or institution we have trusted, such as a boss, a close friend, a parent, a church leader, a whole church, the government. In Absalom’s case, he was bitter toward his father, and his father also happened to be the king, so he decided to usurp his father’s throne. By this time, he had probably justified himself by thinking that he was the smartest, most handsome and most popular of all the princes, so why shouldn’t he be the next king, and, after all, it was clear that his dad was getting too old to care about things, since he had let Amnon off so easily. Yes, it was time for Israel to have a truly wise and good king who would act for the people’s benefit, and he was just the man to do it. How true it is that there is nothing new under the sun…how often this has happened over and over on the planet…A son rebels against his father. An embittered employee rebels against his boss. A citizen rebels against the government. A Christian rebels against a church leader. And it may be a quiet rebellion. “I’ll never trust another leader again,” along with negative thoughts, cynicism, and snide remarks which occasionally come out in the form of gossip. Yes, it is easy to justify such actions, since the slight has been real enough, but the reaction is unspiritual, of the devil and very expensive, because it will cost the person his soul. Fortunately, some people have Nathan-type friends or a patient and spiritual spouse helping them to get their David-heart back. In Absalom’s case, his friends egged him onto rebellion, and they all went down with the ship. How tragic. The bible says in more than one place that pride comes before a fall, and it’s hard to not think of this when we picture Absalom getting caught in the tree because of his long thick hair. Such a senseless and tragic waste of life. PARENTS – bring your children up to fear the Lord, and let them know that you are not perfect and you will make mistakes, but God never does, and they must not take revenge into their own hands. Teach them with your words, with the bible, and with your life that they must resolve relationships and not allow their hearts to become bitter. Look now at Hebrews 12:15 “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” If Absalom would have talked to someone spiritual to deal with his hatred before he even murdered his brother, or if he had talked to his father after the incident, the eventual civil war would have possibly been prevented.
If you are young and following a leader who is “on the rise”, make sure that he is not an Absalom. The Gene Edwards’ book mentioned earlier, A Tale of Three Kings, is the best discussion of the three different kings and their hearts that I have ever seen. If you are ever tempted to think that you have been “hard done by” in terms of how a leader has treated you, or if you think that you always get the short end of the stick compared to others, YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK!! It describes Saul as the first “bad guy”, and he is obviously so, seeing as how he throws spears at his servants. But David doesn’t take it upon himself to bring down the “evil leader”; instead he waits upon the Lord in humility, knowing that God’s true desire will be done. Absalom THINKS that his dad is an “evil leader” but takes matters into his own hands and tries to get him removed, which, of course, was NOT God’s will, and Absalom ends up getting himself removed, permanently. Absalom became the opposite of his father, so much so that if you refer to someone as being an “Absalom”, you are implying a younger guy who betrays his mentor with treachery, hides his true self with smooth speech, and stops at nothing to gain power. Not a very nice description. No wonder that millions of people have named their sons David, but I’ve never heard of anyone naming their son Absalom. ANYWAY, READ THE BOOK!!
In 2 Sam 15:14, we see David telling his officials to flee right away after hearing the first news of Absalom’s rebellion. This tells me that David had known that something was brewing – he had a hunch, but again, he didn’t act on it. Ineffectual parenting! And now it was too late!!
Later in 15:25-29, David is so sweet and humble – when the priests want to bring the ark along with him into exile, David says, “Take the ark back into the city. If I find favour in the Lord’s eyes, he will bring me back and let me see it and his dwelling place again. But if he says, ‘I am not pleased with you,’ then I am ready; let him do to me whatever seems good to him.” WOW! What a heart! Later in chapter 16, when he is cursed by Shimei (one of Saul’s remaining relatives), who also pelts him with stones, David refuses to let his men kill him. Instead, he again replies in humility, “If he is cursing because the Lord said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’ My son, who is of my own flesh, is trying to take my life. How much more, then, this Benjamite! Leave him alone; let him curse, for the Lord has told him to. It may be that the Lord will see my distress and repay me with good for the cursing I am receiving today.” WHAT HUMILITY AND SURRENDER!!!!!
In 16:14, we see that David and his men arrived at their destination exhausted, not just from fleeing into exile to escape Absalom, but also because of Shimei’s constant shouts and the dirt and rocks he was throwing at them along the way. Persecution is exhausting! But David had the right attitude and God protected and refreshed him.
About this time, he probably wrote the third Psalm.
PSALM 3 This must have been a painful prayer for David – he was praying against his enemies but his enemy in this case was his son. Maybe he was hoping that his son had been led astray by bad advisors and would repent. At any rate, David was surely heavy-hearted at this point. In my own quiet time, I sometimes sing a song from this psalm: “I am not afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me; Arise, arise, deliver me, O my God”. I don’t usually feel that there are tens of thousands of people against me (praise God) but I do know that there are spiritual forces at work and there are certainly that many demonic servants of Satan against all Christians.
2 SAMUEL 16:15 - 2 SAMUEL 20 This section starts off with Absalom following the advice of his father’s once trusted advisor, Ahithophel, who told Absalom that one of the best ways he could lay claim to the throne would be to take David’s ten concubines (kind of like servant-wives) and literally have sex with them on the roof of the palace in front of all Israel. Now as bizarre as that sounds to you and me (GROSS!!), it was basically a political move - a kind of statement of rebellion – “I am now the king and you are not. In fact, you are so far gone that I have slept with your wives in front of the whole country! IN YOUR FACE!!” This was a horrible thing, but the whole Absalom saga was a kind of “you reap what you sow”-consequence for David after the Bathsheba incident and this part of it is a definite fulfilled prophecy. Remember what Nathan told David in 2 Sam 12:11-12? “Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.” Once more we see the impact that sin has on our lives. We can be forgiven of sin, but the SCARS of sin remain, and the unforeseen consequences can be devastating. How many women are surprised when they discover that their husband is having an affair, but the husband had been feeling neglected and in second place to the children for years? How many men are shocked when their wives demand a divorce because they have felt abandoned and lonely as their husbands put their jobs first? Please don’t get me wrong – I am not saying that we should blame wives for their husbands’ adultery or blame husbands every time their wives leave. However, there is something to be said for the principal of Reaping What You Sow, or, as the Boundaries books authors would state it, “The Law of Sowing and Reaping”.
Look at the cost of disunity and arrogance – 20,000 men died in a senseless battle and Absalom himself was killed. Why why why don’t we see the danger of pride before it is too late? Why is it so hard for us to humble ourselves? Why does it bother us so much when we think that we have been slighted or overlooked? Why do we want to advance ourselves at such a cost? There is a reason that Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” Take some time now to read these verses: 2 Chronicles 26:16-21; Psalm 36:1-2; Prov 3:34; Prov 11:2; Prov 18:12; Isa 2:17; Isa 66:2; Dan 4:37; Zeph 2:3; Luke 1:52; 2 Cor 12:19-20; Ephesians 4:1-3; Philippians 2:1-11; Colossians 3:12-15; Titus 3:1-2; Jas 3:13; Jas 4:10; 1 Pet 3:8; 1 Pet 5:5-6. These verses are several days worth of quiet times on humility, and well worth the time spent looking them up and meditating on them! (By the grace of God, I was moved to study “humility” off and on for a whole year in my early years as a Christian – and that was BEFORE I received any challenges on pride – those came later. Thank goodness I had already started! Otherwise I would have been even more scary!)
(Speaking of arrogance, note that in 2 Samuel 18:17-18 we are told that Absalom had erected a monument to himself!)
David’s mourning for his son is really too little, too late (2 Samuel 19) because he should have helped his son spiritually before he got into sin rather than sit back and watch it happen. PARENTS – take note!! This hurt his leadership, as well, because he then discouraged his men with his long face instead of encouraging them for their hard work and victory in battle. Joab, who wasn’t always known for his good advice, gave very good counsel at this point, and he persuaded David to give honour to the men. 2 Samuel 19:14 says, “He won over the hearts of all the men of Judah as though they were one man.” In terms of LEADERSHIP LESSONS, there are several here. FIRSTLY, don’t withhold encouragement from the people you are leading. Everyone appreciates appreciation!! When we don’t feel appreciated, we lose steam. Truthfully, we are supposed to be unworthy servants doing our duty (Luke 17:7-10), but it sure never hurts to get a pat on the back!! SECONDLY, take advice from the people you are leading. Not all of the time, because you can’t please all of the people all of the time and you will get torn apart and be rendered ineffective trying to please everyone. However, if you are not in the habit of asking folks for their feedback and opinion, change this now and do it. In David’s situation, it saved his crown! By the way, this is especially important if you are leading people who are older Christians. If you are leading a mission team or leading a group of young Christians or even young people, it is still respectful to ask their opinion occasionally, but you can be more authoritative because they have generally signed up to be led. However, once you are dealing with a “more mature audience”, you will lose points for not seeking out others’ thoughts. This does not mean we should lead our churches by democracy or a vote system – that is unbiblical and worldly wisdom. Respect and appreciation for one another combined with devotion to the word of God and being strong and courageous are our guidelines. THIRDLY, be approachable. If Joab hadn’t felt comfortable bringing this up to David, the king would have been in big trouble because his army would have staged a coup. How many leaders have gotten themselves in big trouble because they gave off the kind of vibes that said, “Think long and hard before you bring anything up to me.” David didn’t give off such vibes, but rather encouraged input, as seen above. FOURTHLY, show mercy. We all need forgiveness. “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful,” says Jesus in Luke 6:36. David was so merciful to Shimei, the guy who had been cursing him on his way out of town. Shimei met David on his way back into Jerusalem and begged for forgiveness. Some of David’s men wanted to cut off his head, but David’s grace prevailed. (2 Samuel 19:15-23) How do we feel when someone who has been mean to us gets their comeuppance? Do we revel in it and feel justified? Do we sometimes wish for more to happen to them? Do we humiliate others in order to teach them a lesson? David had such a godly heart in the matter. David similarly extended mercy to Mephibosheth and to Ziba. No wonder the people loved him. When you as a leader are godly and righteous, known for loving the word of God and displaying this kind of treatment to your people (appreciative, respectful, approachable and merciful), you, like David, will be an effective leader and you will win the hearts of your people. It is said that people may not remember what their leader has said, but they will remember how their leader made them feel. David lifted people’s spirits and brought them closer to God. We would do well to do the same.
Of course, not all of the people under David are as merciful or humble as he, so we see the Absalom sage ending with Joab murdering Amasa and Sheba declaring war on David, only to be defeated and killed. Such bloodshed all because of arrogance, unforgiveness, jealousy and revenge. If you think I keep harping on sin, you are right! This is so crucial for us to all grasp so that we are motivated to lead righteous lives for God! Eph 4:22-24 says that we were taught to put off our old corrupted selves and to put on our new selves, “created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” As we rebuild and refashion our fellowship of churches, let us keep this at the forefront of our hearts and motives. [email protected]