DEAR ABBY Ways to Deal with Situations That Are Dependent on How Well You Get Along Advice Written by with Others

Your Birthday today: Peanuts Let experience be your teacher. How you react to stress will influence how well you do. Look for alternative DEAR ABBY ways to deal with situations that are dependent on how well you get along Advice written by with others. Compromising doesn’t mean you lost; it means you found a Jeanne Phillips way to get what you want. CANCER (June 21-July 22) -- Don’t take sides, just do your own DEAR ABBY: For the last 12 years, we have been trav- thing and take care of your responsi- eling 7 1/2 hours to see my husband’s grandparents. This bilities. If you leave nothing undone, happens several times a year. Each time I pray it will be it will make it difficult for anyone to the last visit. complain. Invariably, when we return home, I am sick for about a LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) -- Don’t feel compelled to jump into something week, and it’s getting worse. At 96, Grandma isn’t clean- without getting proper authorization or ing the house (Grandpa died four years ago). She lives instructions. Know what you are doing on her own in the country. Grandma has fallen, can’t cook Hagar The Horrible and plan your actions with precision. for herself and still drives. The closest family member lives Don’t fold under pressure. Time is on seven hours away. your side. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) -- Grandma has always been a manipulator, and I’m tired Avoid awkwardness or uncertainty. of how she treats her family. She uses the “financial inheri- Walk away from situations that are tance” for leverage. My family has things planned out in being blown out of proportion or that advance about what to do when someone has reached a involve someone indulgent. Focus on certain age. discipline and personal perfection. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) -- Pick I’m tired of subjecting myself to this, let alone facing up the pace and challenge yourself Grandma’s wrath. The rest of the family accepts it for what mentally. Rally around someone you it is. They don’t want to upset her, so they give in and look up to or feel you can help, but accommodate. Do I have the right to back out? - WANTS don’t pay for someone else’s mistake. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) -- Do TO RUN AWAY your own thing, try something you’ve DEAR WANTS: Before backing out, may I recommend never engaged in before or plan a trip that you and your husband discuss this with all of the rela- with a loved one. Don’t just dream tives involved? It seems to me that a group intervention Shoe about what you want to do; start the for Granny may be in order. ball rolling. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) If she has enough money that she’s successfully -- Use your intuition to help you see holding it over everyone’s heads, she has enough to through someone who is trying to sell hire someone to clean her house for her on a weekly or you a bill of goods. Consider the pros monthly basis. Rather than pray for her demise, ask your- and cons of a risky joint venture. self, “If she’s not cleaning and cooking, how IS she taking CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) -- Do what needs to be done. Go about care of herself?” your business and make the changes Contact the senior center nearest to where this poor that need to be made. Don’t argue woman lives, or the closest Area Agency on Aging and with someone who will never see ask what can be done to help her. If not you, then your things your way. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) husband’s parents, aunts and uncles should do this. -- Share your thoughts with someone Ignoring her condition could be considered elder abuse. you care about to find out where you DEAR ABBY: I have never seen this issue discussed stand. Don’t look at an adjustment anywhere but cannot believe I’m the only person who is as being negative when you can dismayed by the tradition of bringing casseroles to the Garfield embrace change and see where it takes you. homes of the bereaved. PISCES (Feb. 20-March 20) When my father died, my mother and I hosted a post- -- Make personal changes, but only memorial get-together at her home. Each of my parents’ spend what you can afford. If you plan many friends and acquaintances brought a casserole. correctly, you will be able to make Mom’s refrigerator was always full, so there was no room someone you care about happy without going into debt. after the seventh casserole. My mother told me to take the ARIES (March 21-April 19) -- Get rest to the basement and say it was put in the freezer. My out, have fun and surround yourself parents never owned a freezer, so after everyone left, we with people you enjoy. An opportunity put 17 casseroles down the garbage disposal. will arise if you share your feelings with someone special. Don’t view an Please make your readers aware that post-funeral food unexpected change as being unfavor- is often inconvenient even if the thought is appreciated. able. A restaurant gift card accomplishes the same thing and TAURUS (April 20-May 20) -- An assures the family will end up with something they actually offer will spark your imagination and like. - ENOUGH IS TOO MUCH enthusiasm. Consider the stability of a situation before you decide to get DEAR ENOUGH: That the love, effort and expense Frank and Ernest involved. Don’t rule out a more viable your parents’ friends went to ended up down the drain is option. a shame. I am printing your letter because your sugges- GEMINI (May 21-June 20) -- tion makes sense and readers may appreciate it. If this Spend more time nurturing your rela- happens to other readers, it would not be ungracious to tionship with a loved one. Honesty will play a role in how well you get along be honest. Explain there is no more room in the fridge or with others and how stable your life freezer and suggest the food be taken with the mourners will be moving forward. when they leave. Cul De Sac

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