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Wedding Handbook

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Wedding Handbook {A GUIDE TO YOUR WEDDING AT EMANUEL SYNAGOGUE} 1 MAZAL TOV We mark our passage through life with Thus the Hebrew word for marriage, rituals. In the case of marriage, you are Kiddushin, signifies a choice you both moving from your life without an exclusive are making. You are elevating the other, and public commitment with your partner sanctifying them, making them, and to one where your lives will be intertwined, therefore your relationship holy, filled with and recognised by the community. This intention, and doing so before each other, transition is marked by rituals that give your community, and God. you the opportunity to enter into this new This guide has been created to explain phase of your life with a sense of kedushah, the many elements that go into a Jewish dedicated purpose, both physical and marriage, to better help you plan and spiritual. organise your special day. 2 CHOOSING A DATE CHOOSING A LOCATION The first step is to pick a date. We will Once the rabbi and the date have been perform marriages on any day of the week secured, the next step is to decide on a except Shabbat and festivals. Additionally, location. While there are no laws concerning there are certain periods of the Jewish the location of a Jewish wedding, the most Calendar when a Jewish wedding does important consideration is to choose a not take place: fast days, during the Omer place which has meaning and significance (between Pesach and Shavuot), and the for you. Traditionally weddings have three weeks before Tisha B’Av. Please speak been held outdoors, although one should to the synagogue office before selecting a always take into account the vagaries of date for your wedding to ensure the rabbi of weather and indoor options. At Emanuel your choice is available on a date permitted Synagogue we have spaces that vary in size, for weddings. accommodating from 100 to 500 guests. If the location will be outside the Sydney Metro area, you will need to consult with the rabbi regarding the logistics of the event, and regrettably there will be extra fees involved. 3 PHOTOGRAPHY DRESS It is wonderful to have images of your For the chuppah ceremony, we ask that all wedding captured on video and in who are involved dress in a way that reflects photographs and we are happy for you the holiness and sanctity of the occasion. If to have both at your ceremony but you have any questions about this, please please encourage the photographers and speak with the rabbi officiating at your videographers to be discreet. The space wedding. under the chuppah is a holy space for the duration of the ceremony. In order to honour the space, we ask that the photographer/videographer not intrude or disturb that space. 4 DOCUMENTATION JEWISH STATUS The next step in your wedding preparations It is the position of the Australian Rabbinate is to complete the necessary documentation that we will only conduct marriages required for the government and the between two Jews. Thus, before you can Synagogue. You will be sent a package of be married at Emanuel Synagogue, we documents. There are strict time limits on require proof of your Jewish status. This the date for lodgement of the documents for requirement is most easily met with a copy marriage with the government agencies, so it of your parents’ ketubah (Jewish Marriage is crucial that you complete the documents Certificate). If either of you converted, a and arrange the meeting with the Rabbi at copy of the conversion document is proof. earliest mutual convenience. In some countries, religion is declared in a passport or other official document and If you have any questions about any of these this is considered proof. If you are unable papers, please do not hesitate to call. We will to produce any of these documents, we will be happy assist you with the preparation and accept a letter from a rabbi known to you or to clarify and answer your questions. failing that, a statutory declaration from two If you are already married to one another Jewish people who are known to both the under civil law and are now proceeding Emanuel community and you. If you have with a religious wedding, you will need to any questions about what will be sufficient, provide your civil marriage document and please contact the office for suggestions and proof of Jewish status. clarification. 5 MEETING WITH THE RABBI PREPARATION FOR YOUR As your wedding is a tremendously personal LIFE TOGETHER moment, we want to ensure that the rabbi Your wedding is a point in time that is who will be officiating your wedding gets only the beginning of your marriage. We to know you both as a couple. You will be hope that you will spend time, not just on contacted by the rabbi to begin a series of preparing for your wedding day, but for the meetings to get to know each other and rest of your lives together. create the ceremony you and your partner desire. We wish to help you with that process by providing you with contacts to give you tools to help you continue to build and maintain a successful and lasting relationship. As part of your preparation, we will put you in touch with Caroline Haski, a qualified therapist running the Australian Commonwealth’s highly recommended Prepare Program. You may also choose to do Prepare with another qualified facilitator; there is a separate fee for Prepare. 6 RITUALS OF A JEWISH The following personal rituals are in preparation for the wedding. Their purpose WEDDING is to ensure that the wedding is elevated The act of marriage implies an exclusivity beyond the mundane of a simple legal ritual and fidelity to your partner, both in a to something holy and sacred. By engaging physical and emotional sense. At the same in these rituals that have been practiced for time, Judaism is a communal based faith. thousands of years, you can connect with There is nothing as Jews we do alone, our ancestors in a very personal way, and whether that be mourning, grieving, or pause in the run up to your wedding to celebrating. As you and your partner are focus your thoughts on the spiritual aspects celebrating your upcoming simcha, it is also of your impending union. a tremendous joy for the community to They include: celebrate together the unifying of two souls. Fasting – Typically, from the morning until There is obviously a need to balance the just after your wedding ceremony. personal and the communal, and we look Mikvah – In the days leading up to the forward to discussing these aspects of your wedding, it is traditional for both partners wedding and celebrating with you at your to immerse into the mikvah. The waters of simcha. There are several meaningful rituals the mikva signify a rebirth. As you leave that our tradition includes in the marriage your life as a single adult, you are being ceremony, some personal, and some reborn into a partnership with your beloved. communal, which the rabbi will explain in further detail when meeting with you. 7 Wearing White – As a symbol of purity, it is THE COMMUNAL RITUALS: traditional to wear white, and no jewellery. Thus, the bride’s dress is traditionally white The communal rituals begin with the and a kittel may be worn by the groom for Aufruf, the first opportunity for the the same reason. community to celebrate with you, and continue through most aspects of the Confession – The cleansing of the soul is an Chuppah itself. important part of the preparations for the marriage. We seek to enter this new phase Auf Ruf and Kiddush– As our Jewish of our lives unencumbered by the weight of tradition is centred on the community, in burdens on our soul. Thus, another tradition the lead up to the wedding, the community is to recite the prayers of confession (vidui) has the opportunity to celebrate with the prior to the ceremony. couple in the synagogue. This usually takes place at a Shabbat prior to the wedding. The couple are given a special blessing following an aliyah, a call up, to the Torah. Typically, the family of the bride and groom provide a special kiddush after the service to celebrate the upcoming simcha. 8 THE WEDDING SERVICE rights and responsibilities of the individuals entering into the covenant of marriage, Kabbalat Panim/Tisch. A lovely custom and is signed by at least two witnesses. which some couples are now rediscovering is These witnesses must be Jewish, not related the Kabbalat Panim/Tisch. It was customary to either of you, or to each other. The before the wedding for the groom to gather Ketubah, literally contract, specifies the with his friends where he would attempt responsibilities each has for the other. There to teach some Torah. Since the groom is are a variety of options for you to choose not to do any work on his wedding day, from, ranging from a traditional to a more his friends are charged with interrupting creative text. The rabbi will discuss various him by teaching their own lessons, telling options for your Ketubah, both in terms of stories and tales to increase the joy and text and artwork that may be selected. levity amongst the guests. In another area, Signing the Civil Documents. As part the bride gathers with her friends and they of the civil legal requirements, a marriage speak to her of love, sing songs, dance and certificate will also be signed by the couple entertain her as she is seated on a special, and the officiant.
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