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“Challenging boys to become men worthy of respect.” Welcome to the Best Friends Foundation Seminar Board of Directors Elayne Bennett, M.Ed., President For the past 31 years the Best Friends Foundation has served approximately 47,000 adolescents in Curtis Adams, M.D. Martha Kendrick, J.D. the District of Columbia public schools and sites across the country. Our staff takes great pride in Ceil Malphrus, M.B.A. the fact that research on the Best Friends/Best Men program has demonstrated signiﬁ cant reduction Timothy Overcash, C.P.A. Bridget Overcash in risk behavior and increased positive peer relationships. In response to the current issue of Vicki Tiahrt adolescent violence and abusive behavior, the Best Friends Foundation has developed the high Virginia White, J.D. Rosemary Fernandez Stein, M.D. school Bullying and Relationship Violence Seminar: Stop the Silence, Prevent the Violence.

National Council The Honorable Marion C. Blakey The Best Friends Foundation was a recipient of the US Department of Health and Human Mrs. William Brock, III Services (HHS) Healthy Marriage/Healthy Relationships grant for middle and high school Gahl Hodges Burt Mrs. George H.W.Bush students. An important component of that grant was the focus on teen violence and abuse in Janet Langhart Cohen intimate relationships. We have expanded our program to offer our HHS approved curriculum and The Honorable Debbie Dingell Gay Hart Gaines Violence and Abuse Prevention Protocol to more students and teachers in the Washington, DC Page Lee Hufty metropolitan area and to extend the bullying prevention program to elementary and middle schools. Susan Hutchinson Mrs. Jack Kemp The Honorable Ann M. Korologos In 2017, 96% of high school students rated the Stop The Silence, Prevent The Violence Seminar Mrs. Joseph Lieberman Marlene Malek “worthwhile” or “very worthwhile.” After participating in the seminar, a surprising 96% said Angie Marriott they would help someone who was being bullied or abused. Nearly 40% of high school new Carrie Marriott Kitty Martinez participants from one seminar in 2018 said the reason they attended the after school SSPV Seminar Monte Monash was, “I want to help someone I know.” The Honorable Connie Morella Mica M. Mosbacher Mrs. Colin Powell It is estimated that almost 30% of youth in the United States are involved in bullying and abuse Ann Romney Rynthia Rost as either a perpetrator or a target. Nearly 1 in 4 women will experience intimate partner violence (IPV) in her lifetime. There is a direct correlation between those who bully and those who commit Academic Board William J. Bennett, Ph.D. domestic violence. According to a study in the Archives of Pediatrics Adolescent Medicine, Robert Blum, Ph.D. people who reported being bullies as adolescents were four times more likely to engage in violent Bonnie G. Hill, Ph.D. Phyllis Magrab, Ph.D. behavior towards their partner. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, Ph.D.

Advisory Council The Seminar agenda includes a Best Friends Foundation performance of “Stop The Silence” Margaret Auger and musical presentation “No More” with Director Lori Williams and the Wilson High School Susan Hurley Bennett Katherine Brittain Bradley Performance Choir. The ﬁ nale of the seminar is “Make Music, Not Madness,” an uplifting and Mrs. Scott Campbell inspirational song and dance production which involves large scale student participation. The Ellen Conley Ann Dudley seminars utilize experts and inspirational guest speakers. Student interaction is greatly encouraged Michele Dyson with the use of question and answer opportunities and resource information is given to the students Suellen Estrin Samia Farouki for follow up and guidance. Mary Firth Mrs. Porter Goss Pauline Hamlette If you have any questions regarding the Best Friends Foundation seminar and your students’ Barbara Harrison participation, please contact us at 202-394-4501, Jossy Huffstetler at [email protected] or me Mrs. Raymond Howar at [email protected] for more information. Connie Kurucza Ann Kurzweil Leamon Lee Joseph W. Lyles With best wishes for the best future for our youth, Laurie MacCaskill Joseph W. Lyles, M.Div. Lark McCarthy Daina Jansons Mahar Elayne Bennett Andrea Roane President and Founder Marion Rosenthal Andrea Roane, M.A. Judy Shelton, Ph.D. Nancy Schulze Best Friends Foundation Deborah SigmundB Best Friends, Best Men, Diamond Girl Leadership, and Best Men Leadership Programs Pat Funderburke Ware PO Box 42135 Washington, DC 20015 Mrs. William H. Webster, M.B.A. 301.907.4747 Fax: 301.907.8894 www.bestfriendsfoundation.org LeadershipWHAT’S GOING Creed ON? Mother, mother Tell us what is right and what is wrong People judging who can And who cannot belong There’s too many of you crying Brother, brother, brother There’s far too many of you dying You know we’ve got to find a wayEagle: Foresight for the future To show we all need love here today I will learn from my mistakes and strive to be a better person. Father, father I will study and work harder to reach my goals. We don’t need to escalate You see, rage is not the answer For only love can conquer hate You know we’ve got to find a way To show we all need love here today

Picket lines and picket signs Don’t punish me with brutality Lion: Strength and Courage Talk to me, so youI have can notsee succeeded until I help someone else succeed. Oh, what’s going on What’s goingI will on be enthusiastic and ready to learn when I come to school. Yeah, what’s going on I will be brave in facing life’s challenges. Ah, what’s going on

In the mean time Let’s get it right Let’s do what’s right Right on babe

Mother, mother, tell us what is right Anchor: Stability And what is wrongI will control my actions, my emotions, and my words. People want to judge whoI will can be ethical with my deeds and actions. And who cannot belong Oh, you know we’ve got to find a way To bring some understanding here today, oh, oh, oh

Picket lines and picket signs Don’t punish me with brutality C’mon talk to me So you can see What’s going on Gavel: Truth and Justice Yeah, what’s going on I will take responsibility for everything I do. Tell me what’s going on I will be tolerant of those around me. I’ll tell you what’s going on I will always be honest with myself. Let’s do it right Let’s do it right

“What’s Going On” Written and produced by Marvin Gaye Adapted for Stop The Silence, Prevent The Violence Seminar

222 Let’s Stand Up And Be Seen

Stand up and be seen (Chorus:) Stand up Let’s stand up and be seen Stand up and be seen If you know what I mean (2x) Stand Up No intimidation Stand up and be seen No domination Stand up Stop the violence across the nation Stand up and be seen Stand up V3: (Chorus:) We all - have a responsibility Let’s stand up and be seen To protect the ones with vulnerability If you know what I mean (2x) Tell the people with authority No intimidation Be the one to make the hatred, “STOP!” No domination Stop the violence across the nation Chorus (2x)

V1: Chant out Friends it’s very simple We gotta follow - this principle of life Do to others what you’d like done to you Choose the right path and don’t ya dare cause strife Written and arranged by Lori Williams Music by Glenn Douglas V2: Concept by Elayne Bennett Stop the madness and stop it today Rage can go viral in an ugly way Learn to love and be kind to others Let’s take a stand all across the land

3 2

LOVE THELeadership WAY YOU LIE...REVISED Creed VERSION Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that’s alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie Eagle: Foresight for the future I can’t tell you what it really is I will learn from my mistakes and strive to be a better person. I can only tell you what it feels like I will study and work harder to reach my goals. And right now there’s a steel knife in my windpipe I can’t breathe but I still fight while I can fight As long as the wrong feels right it’s like I’m in flight High off her love, drunk from her hate, It’s like I’m huffing paint and I love her the more I suffer, I suffocate And right before I’m about to drown, she resuscitates me She…hates me and I love Lion:it. Strength and Courage “Wait! WhereI have you notgoing?” succeeded until I help someone else succeed. “I’m leavingI will you!”be enthusiastic and ready to learn when I come to school. “No you ain’t. ComeI back.”will be brave in facing life’s challenges. We’re running right back. Here we go again It’s so insane cause when it’s going good, it’s going great I’m Superman with the wind at his back, she’s Lois Lane But when it’s bad it’s awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped Who’s that dude? “I don’t even know his name.” Anchor: Stability I laid hands onI will her, control I’ll never m ystoop actions, so low my again emotions, and my words. I guess I don’t knowI willmy beown ethical strength with my deeds and actions.

I can’t just stand here and watch you burn This ain’t right because I can tell it hurts I can’t stand to stand here and watch you cry Can’t you see? It’s clear that all he does is lie All he does is lie Gavel: Truth and Justice You ever love somebodyI will takeso much responsibility you can barely for everythingbreathe when I do. you’re with ‘em You meet and neither Ione will of be you tolerant even know of those what aroundhit ‘em me. Got that warm fuzzy feelingI will always be honest with myself. Yeahh, them chills you used to get ‘em Now you’re getting…sick of looking at ‘em You swore you’d never hit ‘em; never do nothing to hurt ‘em Now you’re in each other’s face spewing venom in your words when you spit them You push, pull each other’s hair, scratch, claw, bit ‘em 24 224 LOVE THE WAY LeadershipYOU LIE...REVISED Creed VERSION (CONT.)

Throw ‘em down, pin ‘em So lost in the moments when you’re in them It’s the rage that took over, It controls you both So they say you’re best to go your separate ways Eagle: Foresight for the future Guess that they don’t know you ‘cause today that was yesterday I will learn from my mistakes and strive to be a better person. Yesterday is over, it’s a different day I will study and work harder to reach my goals. Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her Next time you show restraint You don’t get another chance Life is no Nintendo game But you lied again Now you get to watch her leave out the window Guess that’s why they call Lion:it window Strength pane and Courage I have not succeeded until I help someone else succeed. Throw ‘emI will down, be enthusiastic pin ‘em and ready to learn when I come to school. So lost in the momentsI will when be brave you’re in in facing them life’s challenges. It’s the rage that took over, It controls you both So they say you’re best to go your separate ways Guess that they don’t know you ‘cause today that was yesterday Yesterday is over, it’s a different day Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her Next time you show restraint Anchor: Stability You don’t get another chance I will control my actions, my emotions, and my words. Life is no NintendoI gamewill be ethical with my deeds and actions. But you lied again Now you get to watch her leave out the window Guess that’s why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn That’s not right, can’t you tell that it hurts Just gonna stand there and hearGavel: me T ruthcry and Justice It’s clear to me nowI willwhat take you responsibilitysay is a lie for everything I do. I must love my life I will be tolerant of those around me. I must say goodbye I will always be honest with myself.

“Love The Way You Lie” Written and produced by Eminem Adapted for Stop The Silence, Prevent The Violence Seminar

225 LeadershipNO MORE Creed This is for the girl who doesn’t know what to say Chorus and doesn’t know what to do No more She wants to tell someone but she feels so ashamed I can’t be broken because I’m stronger than ever You’re gonna make it through No more Today is over and there is a brighter tomorrow There’s gonna be a change No more, no more, no more, Like sunshine through the rain Eagle: ForesightNo for more, the no future more, no more So don’t be afraid I will learn from my mistakes and strive to be a better person. It’s time to heal your pain oh! I will study and work harderI decided to reach to write my an anthemgoals. for all women and victims all Cause you’re a fighter around the world against domestic violence and abuse You’re a survivor It’s time to say So no more silence no more no no no no no no more no no no no no no more You gotta tell someone no no no no no no more no no no no no no more no no no You got one life no no no more no no no no no no more no no no no no no One hope Lion: Strengthmore and Courage And you’re not alone I have not succeeded until I help someone else succeed. Stand up with me I will be enthusiastic and ready toYou learn got one when life one I come hope you’reto school. not alone And you’ll see I will be brave in facingStand life’s up withchallenges. me and you’ll see let’s say it together Let’s say it together Say

Chorus Chorus No more No more I can’t be broken because I’m stronger than ever I can’t be broken because I’m stronger than ever No more Anchor: StabilityNo more Today is over and there is a brighter tomorrow Today is over and there is a brighter tomorrow I will control my actions, my emotions, and my words. No more, no more, no more, I will be ethical with myNo deedsmore, no and more, actions. no more, No more, no more, no more No more, no more, no more

I’m talking to the woman who’s so in love but he puts his hands on you Don’t wanna tell your friends cause you wanna pretend Written and produced by Deshai Williams like everything is cool I know it’s hard look at your battle scars but if heGavel: don’t Truth and Justice change things will never change I will take responsibility for everything I do. You gotta be wiser if you wanna be a survivorI will be tolerant of those around me. All this you already know girl pack your thingsI will and always go be honest with myself. You got one life one hope and you’re not alone Stand up with me and you’ll see Let’s say it together say

226 7 “Better As One” (People)

We are the people We are the people It doesn’t matter what comes our way It doesn’t matter what comes our way We got to fight to see another day We got to fight to see another day We will get through it We will get through it We are the people We are the people We got to have faith in what we do We got to have faith in what we do No matter what we got to stay true to who we are No matter what we got to stay true to who we are Cause we’re better as one Cause we’re better as one Cause we’re better as one Cause we’re better as one

It’s not about gain or for profit We got to do our part to help out our nation It’s about giving a simple helping hand, hand It does not matter if your black or white, Chinese, You got to fight for the cost Hispanic or Haitian To regain everything we lost So don’t you miss out on your chance We are the people Oh oh oh oh It doesn’t matter what comes our way Oh oh oh oh We got to fight to see another day Oh oh oh oh We will get through it Oh oh oh oh We are the people We got to have faith in what we do We are the people No matter what we got to stay true to who we are It doesn’t matter what comes our way Cause we’re better as one We got to fight to see another day Cause we’re better as one We will get through it Oh oh oh oh We are the people Oh oh oh oh We got to have faith in what we do Oh oh oh oh No matter what we got to stay true to who we are Oh oh oh oh Cause we’re better as one Cause we’re better as one Cause we’re better as one Written by: Eli White We the people We got to be strong We got to be brave And we got to stand tall We got to love one another Trust one another We got to forgive and forget Oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh

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&KRUXV UHSHDW &RS\ULJKW 213 9 Best Men Chant

Written and Arranged by – Lori Anne Williams

Lead: Best Men All: Best Men Lead: Best Men All: Best Men Lead: We are Best Men All: We are Best Men Lead: Best Men All: Best Men

All: Striving to be the Best Men we can be Honoring the shield of manhood The coat of arms to protect our souls We’re leaders…YES! We are Best Men! We are Best Men!

The gavel (stomp) – truth and justice The eagle – foresight for the future The lion (roar) – strength and courage The anchor – we’re taking a stand!

Lead: Best Men All: Best Men Lead: Best Men All: Best Men Lead: We are Best Men All: We are Best Men Lead: Best Men All: Best Men

All: The gavel (stomp) – truth and justice The eagle – foresight for the future The lion – strength and courage The anchor – we’re taking a stand!

We are Best Men! We are Best Men!

10 20 BEST FRIENDS FOUNDATION BESTVIOLENCE FRIENDS AND ABUSE FOUND PROTOCOLATION Best Friends FoundationVIOLENCE Mission Statement AND ABUSE PROTOCOL The Best Friends Foundation strives to provide a nationwide network of programs that is dedicated toBest the Fphriendsysical andFoundation emotional Missionwell-being Statement of adolescents. It provides scientifically researched and Thedevelopmentally Best FriendsFriends sound FoundationFoundation curriculum strivesstrives designed to to provide provide for a anationwidehigh nationwide school network students.networ kof of programsThe programs Foundation that that is promotesdedicatedis dedicated toself-respect thethe physicalphysical through andand emotionalemotional self-control well-being well-being and provides of of adolescents. adolescents. participants It provides Itthe provides skills, scientifically guidancescientifically and researched researched support neededand and to developmentallyavoid risk behavior sound that curriculum curis destructivericulum designeddesigned to relationships. forfor middle high school and In highthe students. spirit school of The students.true Foundation friendship, The Foundation promotesthe Best promotesFriendsself-respect Foundation self-respect through provides self-control through positive self-control and providespeer and groups participantsprovides for adolescents participants the skills, and the guidance createsguidance andan to environment avoidsuppor thet needed risk that to behaviorsavoidraises risk aspirations ofbehavior sex, drugs, and that promotes alcohol,is destructive and achievement. violence. to relationships. In the spirit In ofthe true spirit friendship, of true friendship,the Best Friends the Best FoundationFriends Foundation encourages provides positive positive peer groupspeer groups which forcreate adolescents an environment and creates that raises an environment aspirations thatand promotesPurraisespose aspirations achievement.of the Protocoland promotes achievement. The dating violence protocol was developed to ensure that the Best Friends Foundation will address Purdatingpose violence of the in aProtocol comprehensive and appropriate manner. In 2005, the Teen Health “Am I in a TheHealthy dating Relationship” violenceviolence protocolprotocol survey was wreports,as developed developed 20% ofto to Americanensure ensure that that girls the the reported Best Best Friends F havingriends Foundation Foundationbeen hit, willslapped, will address address or datingforced violenceinto sexual inin a aactivity comprehensivecomprehensive by their partners. and and appropriate appropriate American manner. manner. Association American In 2005, of Universities Association the Teen studyHealth of Universities in “2015Am I infound astudy inHealthythat 2015 one Relationship” foundout of that five oneundergraduate survey out of reports,five studentsundergraduate 20% ofexperienced American students girlssexual experienced reported violence having sexualsince been enrollingviolence hit, slapped,insince college enrolling or. in college.forcedYoung meninto Young sexualalso men experience activity also experience by violence,their partners. violence, but they American but are they much areAssociation less much likely less of to likelyUniversities report. to report. Additionally study Additionally in 2015 40% found of40% all of allthatteens teens one said outsaid they of they five know know undergraduate someone someone at at studentsschool school who whoexperienced experienced experienced sexual dating dating violence violence. violence. since enrolling in college. Young men also experience violence, but they are much less likely to report. Additionally 40% of all teensDefinition said they of Dating know someone Violence at school who experienced dating violence. Dating violence is any intentional sexual, physical or psychological attack on one partner by the other Definitionin a dating relationship. of Dating Violence Dating violence is any intentional sexual, physical or psychological attack on one partner by the other inIdentifying a dating relationship. and Responding to Dating Violence Issues We ask that all Best Friends Foundation replication sites coordinators and instructors be alert for the Identifyingfollowing signs and that Responding a teen may be to involved Dating in Violence a relationship Issues that is or has the potential to become Weabusive. ask that When all Bestthese Friends changes Foundation happen suddenly, replication or siteswithout coordinators explanation, and there instructors may be because alert for for the followingconcern. signs that a teen may be involved in a relationship that is or has the potential to become abusive. When these changes happen suddenly, or without explanation, there may be cause for concern.• Does the individual have unexplained bruises, scratches or injuries? • Do you see signs that the individual is afraid of his/her boyfriend or girlfriend? • Does the boyfriendindividual orhave girlfriend unexplained lash out, bruises, or insultscratches the individual? or injuries? • DoHas you the see individual’s signs that appearance the individual or behavior is afraid suddenly of his/her changed? boyfriend or girlfriend? • DoesHas the the individual boyfriend stopped or girlfriend spending lash out,time or with insult friends the individual?and family? • Has the individual’sindividual recently appearance started or usingbehavior alcohol suddenly or drugs? changed? • HasHave the you individual seen the stoppedboyfriend spending or girlfriend time become with friends abusive and towards family? other people or things? • HasDoes the the individual individual recently seem to started have lost using interest alcohol or orto drugs?be giving up things that were once important? •Has Have he/she you seen lost the interest boyfriend in school or girlfriend or other become activities? abusive towards other people or things? • Does the individualboyfriend orseem girlfriend to have seem lost tointerest try to controlor to be the giving individual’s up things behavior, that were making once allimportant? the Hasdecisions, he/she checking lost interest up on in his/her school behavior,or other activities? demanding to know who the individual has been with, •and Does acting the boyfriend jealous andor girlfriend possessive? seem to try to control the individual’s behavior, making all the •decisions, Does the individual checking apologizeup on his/her for the behavior, boyfriend demanding or girlfriend’s to know behavior who the to youindividual and others? has been Has with, the andindividual acting casually jealous mentionedand possessive? the boyfriend or girlfriend’s temper or violent behavior, but then •laughed Does the it individualoff as a joke? apologize for the boyfriend or girlfriend’s behavior to you and others? Has the •individual Have you seencasually sudden mentioned changes the in boyfriend the individual’s or girlfriend’ moods ortemper personality? or violent Is behathe individualvior, but then becoming laughedanxious orit offdepressed, as a joke? acting out, or being secretive? Is the individual avoiding eye contact, having •“crying Have you jags” seen or suddengetting changes“hysterical?” in the individual’s mood or personality? Is the individual becoming anxious or depressed, acting out, or being secretive? Is the individual avoiding eye contact, having “crying jags” or getting “hysterical?” 3

11 3 Protocol 1.The Diamond Girl / Best Men Leadership School Coordinator is informed by or suspects that a student has experienced abuse or violence in the home or dating relationship from a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

2. Ask the student about his/her relationship. a. Be specific about why you are concerned. (i.e. “I saw a boy push you hard. Is he your boyfriend? Why did he do that?”) b. If the student does not want to discuss this, encourage him / her to talk to a trusted adult (i.e. parent, school guidance counselor, Diamond Girl Leadership Coordinator / Mentor, or Best Men Leadership Coordinator / Mentor). c. Give the student the National Domestic Violence Hotline number – 1-800-799-SAFE. d. If the student does want to talk, do not criticize or attack the abuser. Ask, “What can I do to help?” e. The school coordinator must report the conversation to the school guidance counselor immediately. (Refer to step 3)

3.The Diamond Girl / Best Men School Coordinator immediately reports abuse and violence to the school guidance counselor and the school principal as it is their legal obligation as defined by the DC Law 2-22 (Child Abuse Act). The law states the following: School employees are directed not to try to resolve or investigate a suspected case of student abuse, violence, or neglect. Rather, an employee’s legal obligation is to orally report such knowledge or suspicion to either the Metropolitan Police Department (“MPD”) Youth Division, 202-576-6763; MPD non emergency, 202-727-1010; or, if a crime is in progress, 911, or the Child Protective Services Division of the Department of Human Services (“CPSD”) 202-727-0995. A written report is required if requested from MPD or CPSD, or if the abuse involves drug related activity.

[The law provided that any employee who willfully fails to make a report when he or she suspects student abuse, violence or neglect shall be fined or imprisoned for not more than 30 days, or both.]

Note: Best Friends Foundation replication sites follow the abuse and violence protocol as determined and adopted by their respective school systems.

STOP THE SILENCE – PREVENT THE VIOLENCE

12 4 Facts About Dating Violence It’s very likely that you or someone Teenage girls suffer more from you know has been abused in a relationship violence, emotional relationship. Dating violence isn’t and physical. Teenage girls are more just physical. It can include likely than boys to have mental/emotional abuse and sexual serious injuries and to report being abuse. It can occur in casual dating terrified. In contrast, boys seldom or serious long-term relationships. seem to fear violence by their girlfriends, often saying that the attacks MENTAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE did not hurt and that it Mental/Emotional abuse includes: was funny. Embarrassing you Put-downs SEXUAL ABUSE Cussing Sexual abuse is forced or unwanted Controlling you sexual activity or rape. It is sexual Making you feel bad abuse to force or pressure someone about yourself to engage in sexual activity. Trying to Keeping you away from other engage in sexual activity with some- friends and family one who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol is also sexual Threats of violence are abuse and abuse. Girls in opposite-sex relation- should always be taken seriously. ships are much more likely than boys to suffer from sexual PHYSICAL ABUSE abuse. Physical abuse includes: Hitting HOW FREQUENTLY DOES DATING Slapping VIOLENCE OCCUR? Punching This is a difficult question to answer Shoving because some studies Kicking only ask about physical abuse, while Biting others include questions about men- Hair-pulling tal/emotional abuse and sexual vio- Using a weapon against lence. Past estimates of dating vio- a boyfriend/girlfriend lence among middle school and high school students range from 28% to Both teenage boys and girls report 96%. being victims of physical violence in relationships. Normally, boys and One recent national survey found girls use physical force for different that 1 in 11 high school students reasons and with different results. said they had been hit, slapped, or Teens usually act violently because physically abused in the past year. they are angry; boys are much more 1 in 11 students also reported that likely to use force in order to control they had been forced to have sexual their girlfriends,while girls more often intercourse when they did not want act violently in self-defense. to. 96% of teens report mental/emotional abuse in their dating relationships.

13 5 What You Can Do IF YOU ARE IN A VIOLENT, OR POTENTIALLY VIOLENT, RELATION- KNOW THE EARLY WARNING SHIP, DO THIS: SIGNS Make a safety plan and get help. You are pressured to make the Talk with someone you trust: a relationship very serious or teacher, guidance counselor, doctor, to have sex early in the friend or parent. Contact the police relationship. or a local domestic violence center or call the National Domestic Extreme jealousy and posses- Violence Hotline at (800) 799- siveness, saying these emotions SAFE. Realize that violence will not are signs of love. just stop or go away. You cannot change your boyfriend/girlfriend Controlling you and forcefully by changing your behavior. You making all decisions where the are not responsible for the abuse. two of you are concerned. Your boyfriend/girlfriend may need counseling or other help to change. Refusing to consider your point of view or desires. WATCH FOR FRIENDS WHO ARE ABUSED Keeping you from spending time Friends in abusive relationships with close friends or family. may: Change their clothing or makeup. Verbal abuse, including Lose confidence in themselves. yelling, cussing, manipulation, Have difficulty making decisions. spreading rumors and making Stop spending time with you and you feel guilty. other friends. Receive failing grades or quit Drinking too much or using drugs school activities; and and then blaming the alcohol Turn to using alcohol or drugs. and drugs for his/her behavior. If you think a friend is in an abusive Threatening physical violence. relationship, try asking them: Previous abuse of a “You don’t seem as happy as boyfriend/girlfriend or usual – are you okay?” defending violence by others. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” If you’re in a relationship that in any way feels uncomfortable, This indirect approach may prompt awkward, tense or even scary, your friend to reveal what’s wrong. trust your feelings and get out. Listen without judging, condemning, It could become, or may already or giving unwanted advice. If a be, abusive. friend wants help, suggest that he or she take the steps listed above Always remember: You have every in order to find help. If you believe right to say no! No boyfriend or your friend is in serious danger, tell girlfriend has the right to tell you an adult you trust immediately. what you can or should do, what Do not try to “rescue” your friend you can or should wear, or what and try to handle the situation on kind of friends you should have. your own.

14 6 15 Hotlines

Boys Town National Hotline Alcohol Use and Abuse 800-448-3000 800-ALCOHOL Counselors answer questions and provide short- Provides information and referrals regarding term crisis intervention and make referrals to alcohol use and abuse. crisis prevention centers in most cities for both adults and children. National Runaway Switchboard 800-786-2929 Child Help U.S.A. National Child Abuse Hotline Confidential hotline for runaways and families – 800-4-A-CHILD provides crisis intervention, gives area shelter Stay on the line to talk with a professional crisis listing for runaways, also serves as a resource for counselor who is available 24 hours a day, other agencies which can help in reuniting 7 days a week. runaways with their families.

Covenant House Hotline National Drug Helpline 202-610-9600 1-800-662-HELP (4357) A direct 24-hour crisis hotline for runaways Provides names and telephone numbers of providing counseling and assistance. treatment facilities for those dependent on drugs. Available 24 hours a day.

Teen Dating Abuse Hotline 866-331-9474 National STD Hotline 24/7 number to call for help with dating violence 800-227-8922 and abuse. A service of the National Centers for Disease Control which provides information and answers about transmission and symptoms of sexually National Domestic Violence Hotline transmitted diseases. Provides referral telephone 800-799-SAFE (7233) numbers for clinics where you can be tested for A referral service for battered women’s shelters, STDs. support groups, counseling agencies, and legal consultants.

16 23 Stop The Silence, Prevent The Violence

The Best Friends Foundation Stop The Silence, Prevent The Violence program is designed for the prevention of school violence and procuring access to help those students with social and emotional problems. The Best Friends Foundation endeavors to ensure that public schools are safe and healthy for all students and teachers. In 2015, The Safe Schools Initiative Report reported that 71% of the school shooters were victims of bullying and 10% of the attackers who were receiving treatment for their diagnosed mental illness failed to comply to take their prescribed psychiatric medications. Research shows that 87% of school shooting perpetrators left behind evidence that they were victims of severe bullying. (6)

The following points are based on a report in February of 2018 by CNN on ways to prevent school shootings. 1) Find ways to better listen to students and teachers who are aware of threats. Student and teacher awareness of weapons and threats is a potentially powerful way to prevent future tragedies. These voices are closer to the situation and the individual who is in trouble and a potential threat to the safety of the students in the school.

Findings from the California Healthy Kids biannual survey consistently suggest that over the past seven years about 20% to 30% of secondary school students, depending on the year, grade level and school type, reported having seen a weapon on school grounds.

2) Pay attention to students who have an obsession with firearms Many shooters in mass school shootings are obsessed with firearm arsenals. Obsession with prior school shootings, mass murders, and methods used to kill many people are warning signs of a potential threat.

3) Articulate what to do when someone tells the world, their friends, family members or co- workers they want to kill others There needs to be a response when a student tells others personally or through texts and/or social media of a plan to kill or harm. Individuals who show weapons, makes threats, or has a target in mind should be referred to authorities. The good news is more students are utilizing hotlines, neighbors are more frequently reporting their concerns to police, and schools are taking action to expel or suspend students who they believe may be dangerous from schools. Students and adults should understand they must keep calling when they do not get a response or confirmation that action will be taken.

4) Expulsion from school should be the beginning -- not the end -- of the response when there are threats of weapons What happens to students after they are expelled for bringing weapons to schools or threatening to harm others? Do we take this potentially dangerous person and offer them no support or monitoring in society — and withhold their education? Who is responsible for monitoring the ongoing threat when

17 the student is not in school? Regional and state educational authorities need to take more responsibility for this small group of students after they are expelled for threatening others with weapons. They should not be left unmonitored and unsupported. Alternative schools need to be supported to provide mental health services to these students, to monitor their progress and rehabilitation, and coordinate between the school, the local community, and the justice system to prevent these students from falling between the cracks of our system.

5) The Best Friends Foundation has consistently instructed students in their program that is their responsibility to take action when they see in person or read on social media disturbing statements of potential violence from their fellow classmates. One of the Foundations slogans is “You are held responsible not only for what you do, but also for what you do NOT do.” Students should realize that they have more information and are often better equipped to know who is suffering socially and emotionally than most authority figures. Students can trulystop the silence and prevent the violence. (7)

6) The following numbers are resources available to students in DCPS. The law states the following: School employees are defined by the employee’s legal obligation to orally report such knowledge or suspicious activity to either the Metropolitan Police Department (“MPD”) Youth Division 202- 576-6763; MPD non-emergency, 202-727-1010. Or, if a crime is in progress 911, or the Child Protective Services Division of the Department of Human Services (“CPSD”) 202-727- 0995. A written report is required if requested from MPD, CPSD, or if the abuse involves drug related activity.

If you see something illegal or unsafe at your school, your child’s school, or any school call: WETip Anonymous Crime Reporting Hotline - 1-800-78-CRIME The Safe School Helpline is an anonymous line - 1-800-325-4381 and 614-760-2820 or fax 614-760- 2828

18 Specific Drugs and Their Effects

TYPE OF DRUG DRUG NAME STREET NAME

CANNABIS MARIJUANA Pot, grass, reefer, weed, Colombian hash, sinsemilla, joint, blunts, buddha, cheeba, Acapulco Gold, Thai Sticks, chronic, Texas tea, Maui wowie, fatty, ganja, Mary Jane DEPRESSANTS ALCOHOL Booze, hooch, juice, brew, 40’s, licks (Depress the nervous system)

BARBITURATES Barbs, downers, yellow jackets, red Amyl, Seconal, Nembutal, Butisol, Tuinal devils, blue devils

TRANQUILIZERS V's, blues, downers, candy, tranks Valium, Librium, Miltown, Xanax

NARCOTICS Dreamer, junk, smack, horse, OC Heroin, Morphine, Oxycotin

STIMULANTS AMPHETAMINES Speed, uppers, pep pills, bennies, (Stimulate the nervous system) Amphetamine, Dextroamphetamine, dexies, crank, crystal, black beauties, Methamphetamine white crosses, wide-eyed ice

METHYLPHENIDATE Ritalin, MDMA, Ecstasy, vitamin “R”, R-ball

COCAINE Coke, snow, toot, white lady, crack, Vitamin “C”, base, blow, bump, rocks

HALLUCINOGEN PCP Angel dust, killer weed, supergrass, (Alters perceptions of reality) Phencyclidine hog, peace pill, tic tac, zoot

LSD (Lysergic Acid Diethylamide) Acid, cubes, purple haze, white lightening, yellow sunshine, gel tabs, blotter, microdot, boomer MESCALINE (Psilocybin) Mesc, cactus, magic mushroom, shrooms

INHALANTS SOLVENTS & AEROSOLS (Substances abused by sniffing) Glue, gasoline, drycleaning solution, cor- Glue, Kick, bang, huff, poppers, whip- rection fluid, marking pens, air freshener pets, Texas shoe-shine, jac blaster

NITRATES Amyl & Butyl Poppers, locker room, rush, snappers

NITROUS OXIDE Laughing gas, whippets

CLUB DRUGS/DESIGNER DRUGS MDMA, MDA, MDEA Ecstasy, XTC, X, Adam, Clarity, E, peace (Stimulants, Depressants and/or (Stimulant/Hallucinogens) Hallucinogens)

DATE RAPE DRUGS Roofies, roche, love drug, forget-me pill, Rohypnol (Depressant) Spanish fly, Mexican Valium

GHB (Depressant) Liquid Ecstasy, Grievous Bodily Harm, G, Georgia Homeboy Ketamine (Hallucinogens) K, Special K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium

19 10 Sources for Drug Chart: What Works: Schools Without Drugs, U.S. Department of Education, William J. Bennett, Secretary, 1986. A Parent’s Guide for the Prevention of Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs, Georgetown Preparatory School, Community of Concern, Inc., 2000, Bethesda, MD.

DESCRIPTION HOW IT'S USED SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF USE

Like dried oregano leaves, dark Usually smoked in hand-rolled Sweet burnt odor, neglect of appearance, loss green or brown cigarettes, pipes, cigars or eaten of motivation, slow reactions, red eyes, memory lapses

Clear or amber-colored liquid Swallowed in liquid form Impaired judgment, poor muscle coordination, lowered ambitions

Variety of tablets, capsules, powder Swallowed in pill form or injected Drowsiness, confusion, impaired into the veins judgment, slurred speech, needle marks, staggering gait

White or brown powders, tablets, Swallowed in pill form or injected Drowsiness, faulty judgement, capsules, liquid disorientation

Variety of tablets, capsules, and Injected, smoked, may be blended Lethargy, loss of skin color, needle marks, crystal-like rock salt, powder with marijuana, sniffed constricted pupils, decreased coordination

Odorless, colorless, tasteless Swallowed in pill or capsule form, or Excess activity, irritability, nervousness, powder injected mood swings, needle marks, dilated pupils, talkativeness then depression

Tablet Crushed, sniffed, and swallowed Increased alertness, excitation, insomnia, loss of appetite

White odorless powder Usually inhaled, can be injected, Restlessness, dilated pupils, talkativeness, swallowed, or smoked euphoric short-term high, followed by depression, oily skin

White powder, tablet, liquid, capsule Usually smoked, can be inhaled Slurred speech, blurred vision, lack of (snorted), injected or swallowed coordination, confusion, agitation, aggression, panic, violence, unpredictability, "bad trips" capsules, tablets, odorless, color- Injected, or swallowed in tablets or Dilated pupils, illusions, hallucinations, disori- less, liquid, powder capsules, licked off blotter paper or entation, mood swings, nausea, flashbacks, sugar cubes increased body temperature/blood pressure capsules, tablets, mushrooms (fried Ingested in their natural form, Same as LSD above, nervousness, paranoia or dried) smoked or chewed

Chemicals that produce Inhaled or sniffed often with the use Poor motor coordination, bad breath, impaired mind-altering vapors of paper or plastic bags vision, memory and thoughts, violent behavior, headache, depletion of oxygen, spots or sores around mouth or nose Clear yellowish liquid Inhaled or sniffed from gauze or Slowed thought, headache single dose glass vials

Colorless gas with sweet taste and Inhaled or sniffed by mask or cone Light-headed, loss of motor control smell

Tablet or capsule, tasteless and Swallowed, can be added to bever- Agitated state, confusion, sleep odorless ages by individuals who want to problems, paranoia, hypothermia, anxiety, intoxicate others teeth clenching

Tasteless, odorless, dissolves easily Swallowed, can be added to bever- 1 mg can impair a victim for 8-12 hours, can in all beverages ages by individuals who want to cause amnesia, decreased blood pressure, sedate others, can be inhaled, snorted urinary retention, unconsciousness Clear liquid, tablet, capsule Swallowed, dissolved in drinks Can relax or sedate, drowsiness, loss of reflexes, headaches Liquid, white powder Inhaled by smoking or snorting, can High blood pressure, impaired motor function, be injected respiratory problems, amnesia 20 11 Leadership Discussion Leadership Discussion #1 Video Clip: “Sex and Alcohol" #1 Video Clip: “Sex and Alcohol" 1. What are the young girl’s regrets? How did she feel about herself after drinking alcohol?

1.______What are the young girl’s regrets? How did she feel about herself after drinking alcohol?

______

2.______Although the girl admitted to drinking with her friends, she said it "was not like I was a drunk or anything." Her attitude used to be that drinking a small amount of alcohol would be oka2. Althoughy. Why was the shegirl admittedwrong? Why to drinking did she withchange her herfriends, mind? she said it "was not like I was a drunk or anything." Her attitude used to be that drinking a small amount of alcohol would be okay. Why was she wrong? Why did she change her mind? ______

______

3.______The girl in the video thought that she could handle herself while drinking. Why is saying "no" to alcohol the best choice? 3. The girl in the video thought that she could handle herself while drinking. Why is saying "no" to alcohol the best choice? ______

______

______4. Do you think alcohol use as a teen can lead to promiscuity and drug use? 4. Do you think alcohol use as a teen can lead to promiscuity and drug use? ______

______

21 13 13 #2 Video Clip: “Aggressive Girls" 1. Do you think that girls can be the aggressors when pressuring guys to have sex? Discuss some of the ways that the girl pressured the boy in the video.

______

2. Discuss these quotes from the boy in the video: a. “I thought she wanted me, but she just wanted to be wanted." b. "I thought lust and love were the same thing." c. "She thought sex was a game."

______

______3. How can guys get hurt by not waiting to have sex? How can girls respect and take into 3. How can guys get hurt by not waiting to have sex? How can girls respect and take into account the feelings ofof thethe guysguys theythey approach.approach?

______

#3 Video Clip: “HPV"

1. What is the most common STD among teens? What are the symptoms of this STD?

______

2. The video says that "50% - 75% of sexually active Americans have HPV." What are some ways 2. The video says that “50% - 75% of sexually active Americans have HPV.” What are some ways to protect yourselfyourself fromfrom HPV?HPV? ______

22 14 #4 Video Clip: “Talk With Me" 1. In what ways do you already experience the pressure to have sex?

______

2. Why is it important to talk to your parent and / or a supportive adult about these pressures? What do you think are their expectations regarding your decisions about having sex?

______

3. How would you begin a conversation with your parent or supportive adult about the pressures you are feeling?

______

#5 Video Clip: “Teens Who Are Waiting"

1. What are some of the reasons the teens gave for choosing to wait?

______

______##46 Video Clip: “Animal OR Honorable" 1. Describe behavior that would be considered more of the "animal" side.

______

2. Describe behavior that would be considered "honorable."

______15 ______

______

2. The video says,"one out of every four teens gets an STD every year." Considering this fact, wh3. Whyat is isa goodwaiting decision toto havehave? sesexx thethe honorablehonorable decisiondecision to to make? make? Why Why does does waiting waiting to to have have sex sex make you more of a man or woman? make you more of a man or woman? ______

#7 #V#59id Vevideooid eColi pC :clip:l i“pB: e“s Tt“Theh Feri eOnd dodds”dss"" 1. IfPretendWhat you reallyregrets that love you do someoneworkyou think in the and that Health you Nicole, think Department Natalie,that you and andwant Monica you to haveare will trying sex ha vewith to aboutconvince them, their does a decisionfriend it matter to waittowhat have to they becomesex? did before involved with in other sex. Whatpeople? would you say to him or her?

______

2. How can you and your friends help each other in your decision making regarding behavior which could put you and them#10 at V risk?ideo Clips: “Older Men" 1. This video clip states, "65% of teen girls become pregnant by men over the age of twenty." Why should teen girls stay away from dating older guys? ______

______

______#8 Video Clip: “Who You’r23e Having Sex With" 1. As a teen, what risks are you#1 taking1 Vid eifo you Cl chooseip: “M too mhave" sex with someone? 1. What advice should Moms give to their daughters and sons about making this important ______decision? What advice has your Mom (or grandmom, aunt, etc) given to you? ______

______16

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LEADERSHIP LEADERSHIP21

21 DIAMOND GIRL CREEDLEADERSHIP CREED

Heart — Friendship and consideration of others; I will be the best kind of friend who encourages my friend to be a better person. I will value my peers feelings and will show thoughtfulness and empathy for others. I will help friends in need, and will not be a bystander to bullying and/or relationship violence.

Book — Knowledge and learning; I will be enthusiastic and ready to learn when I come into school. I will work hard to reach my goals. I will set short and long-term goals to become ready for higher learning and my future vocation.

Torch — Leadership and showing others the way I will stand up for what is right and try to lead by example. I will encourage my peers to work to succeed and to seek help if they are in need. I will not give in to peer pressure to engage in the risk behaviors of sex, drugs, and alcohol.

9 Best MenLeadership Leadership Creed Creed Leadership Creed

Eagle:Eagle: Foresight Foresight for for thethe futurefuture II willwill learnlearn fromfrom Eagle:mymy mistakesmistakes Foresight and and forstrive strive the to tofuture be be a a better better person. person. I will learnII willwill from studystudy my andand mistakes work work harder harder and strive to to reach reach to be my my a goals. bettergoals. person. I will thinkI willabout study my andactions work and harder how tothey reach may myeffect goals. my future. Eagle: Foresight for the future I will learn from Eagle:my mistakes Foresight and for strive the tofuture be a better person. I will learnI will from study my and mistakes work harder and strive to reach to be my a bettergoals. person. I will study and work harder to reach my goals.

Lion: Strength and Courage I have not succeededLion:Lion: Strength Strength until I helpand and someone CourageCourage else succeed. I willI havehave be enthusiastic notnot succeededsucceeded and until untilready I Ihelp helpto learn someone someone when else Ielse come succeed. succeed. to school. II willwill bebe enthusiasticenthusiasticI will be brave andand ready readyin facing to to learn learn life’s when whenchallenges. I Icome come to to school. school. I Iwill will be beLion: brave brave Strength in in facing facing and life’s life’s Courage challenges. challenges. I Iwill have not not give succeeded intoLion: peer Strength pressureuntil I help and to someoneengage Courage in elserisk behavior.succeed. I will help friendsI will inI have need,be enthusiastic not and succeeded will not and be untilaready bystander I helpto learn someone to whenbullying Ielse come and/or succeed. to relationshipschool. violence. I will be enthusiasticI Iwill will be be brave brave and in readyin facing facing to life’slearn life’s challenges. whenchallenges. I come to school. I will be brave in facing life’s challenges.

Anchor: Stability Anchor: Stability I will control my actions, my emotions, and my words. I will controlI will be m ethicaly actions, with my my emotions, deeds and and actions. my words. I will be ethical with my deeds and actions. Anchor:Anchor: Stability Stability II willwill controlcontrol mymy actions,actions,Anchor: my my Stabilityemotions, emotions, and and my my words. words. I will Icontrol Iwill will be be methical ethicaly actions, with with my my emotions,deeds deeds and and andactions. actions. my words. I will beI will ethical stand with up formy what deeds is right.and actions.

Gavel: Truth and Justice I will takeGavel: responsibility Truth and for Justice everything I do. I willI will take be responsibility tolerant of those for everything around me. I do. I Iwill will be always tolerant be honestof those with around myself. me. I will alwaysGavel: Tberuth honest and Justicewith myself. I will takeGavel:Gavel: responsibility Truth Truth and and for Justice Justice everything I do. I Iwill willI willtake take be responsibility responsibility tolerant of those for for everything everything around me. I do.I do. I Iwill Iwill will be be always tolerant tolerant be of honestof those those aroundwith around myself. me. me. I Iwill will always always be be honest honest with with myself. myself.

26 22 22

22 22

LeadershipNOTES Creed

Eagle: Foresight for the future I will learn from my mistakes and strive to be a better person. I will study and work harder to reach my goals.

Lion: Strength and Courage I have not succeeded until I help someone else succeed. I will be enthusiastic and ready to learn when I come to school. I will be brave in facing life’s challenges.

Anchor: Stability I will control my actions, my emotions, and my words. I will be ethical with my deeds and actions.

Gavel: Truth and Justice I will take responsibility for everything I do. I will be tolerant of those around me. I will always be honest with myself.

24 2227

LeadershipNOTES Creed

Eagle: Foresight for the future I will learn from my mistakes and strive to be a better person. I will study and work harder to reach my goals.

Lion: Strength and Courage I have not succeeded until I help someone else succeed. I will be enthusiastic and ready to learn when I come to school. I will be brave in facing life’s challenges.

Anchor: Stability I will control my actions, my emotions, and my words. I will be ethical with my deeds and actions.

Gavel: Truth and Justice I will take responsibility for everything I do. I will be tolerant of those around me. I will always be honest with myself.

24 2228