Made for Resilience & Happiness

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Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 1

Published by INPM Press, 2020

Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with COVID-19 According to Viktor E. Frankl

and Paul T. P. Wong is assigned ISBN 978-1-7987695-2-3

No parts of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any

form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the

prior written permission of the copyright owner.

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Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 2

About the Book

This book is a response to the enormous threat to our mental health posed by COVID-19. The pandemic has exposed both the inadequacy of our present mental health system and the inherent limitations of human beings. The traditional way of facing disruptions with individual strengths is no longer adequate in overcoming this global disaster, which calls for a collective and transformative way of coping.

Dr. Paul T. P. Wong has put together this resource book based on his expertise in coping, meaning therapy and existential positive psychology. This book shows how you can develop your innate capabilities and coping skills to adapt well to the era of the pandemic. This book is grounded in both scientific research and clinical experiences. It was written in an inspirational but down-to-earth manner. The new vision of resilience and joy in the face of an uncertain future will empower you to go through the darkest hours with optimism.

About the Author

Dr. Paul T. P. Wong is one of the world’s leaders on Viktor Frankl, and existential positive psychology. An author, speaker, and educator, he is Professor Emeritus at Trent University, Ontario. He is also founder and President of the International Network on Personal Meaning (www.meaning.ca), and editor-in- chief of International Journal of Existential Positive Psychology (https://www.meaning.ca/journal-resources/journal/).

He is uniquely qualified to author this unusual resource book because he has personally endured and overcome all kinds of suffering. He claims to be a constantly wounded warrior who still stands tall and strives to create a better world. His motto is: “My mission is to bring meaning and happiness to suffering people.” For those interested in his life story, please visit www.drpaulwong.com/autobiography

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Confession of a First Responder This book is dedicated to all the first responders. May you find some help from reading it.

What should I do when I feel exhausted and angry while fighting a losing battle? How can I protect myself while wrestling an invisible, deadly enemy? Who could help me when I have lost my appetite and interest in life? Who can restore my inner peace when I am troubled by all the suffering and death? Who understands that I too have my problems and work stress even before the crisis? Who knows about my own wounds, worries, and existential struggles? When can I have some time for myself to regain my strength and sanity?

But I was born and trained for a time like this, With my own feet, I rush where angels fear to tread, With my own hands, I rescue people from the jaw of death. I don’t feel like a hero, nor an angel, I am just answering my calling. I’m still able to put aside my personal feelings and focus on saving lives, I can still have a sense of satisfaction bringing comfort to a dying person, but how long can I carry on before I collapse while on duty?

What keeps me going is my firm belief that there is nothing more valuable then life– I can see it in the sad eyes of those desperately wanting to live, when they can hardly breathe– I can hear it from those struggling with all their pain but whispering the names of their loved ones– Since we only live once, I want to make it worthwhile for myself and everyone else. Meanwhile, I wish I could scream, cry, laugh, or dance as a normal human being, I wish I could have a normal family life when this pandemic is over. But I will always say Yes to life, no matter what.

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CONTENTS

Preface Introduction: How a Healthy Dosage of Self-Transcendence can Overcome COVID-19 Chapter 1: You Were Made for Resilience and Happiness for Times Like These Chapter 2: Viktor Frankl’s Cure for COVID-19 Chapter 3: The New Science of Suffering and Flourishing Chapter 4: Coping with the Mental Health Crisis of COVID-19: A Resilience Perspective Chapter 5: Lesson on Belief and Hope Chapter 6: Lesson on Responsibility: You Need Relationships Now More Than Ever Chapter 7: Lesson on Appreciation–The Magic Power of Gratitude: You Better Believe it! Chapter 8: Lesson on Meaning Chapter 9: Lesson on Mindfulness and the Power of Acceptance Chapter 10: Lesson on Mental Toughness: The Defiant Power of Courage Chapter 11: Effective Coping With Trauma Chapter 12: Review your Past for a Better Future: The Critical Choice Points Thorough Life Review Chapter 13: Be Your Best Because Others Depend on You Chapter 14: Only Sacrificial Love Could Save Your Marriage From the COVID-19 Lockdown Chapter 15: Lesson on Flexibility: Flexibility is the Mega-strategy of Surviving COVID-19 Chapter 16: Lesson on Happiness Conclusion: How to Find Inner Peace and Life Balance in Times of Crisis The Best Resilience Quotes to Fight COVID-19 Measures and Scales Scoring Keys References Endorsements

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Preface

This book was a spontaneous response to the COVID-19 crisis. Various parts of this book just came together organically to meet the mental health needs confronting all of us. Firstly, it is based on my social media posting. I had been posting material on various social media platforms concerning positive mental health in the face of COVID-19 ever since it first broke out in Wuhan, China. Some of the most popular postings are included in this book. Secondly, it is based on our need to understand Viktor Frankl. His name was frequently mentioned during the interviews of various mental health experts, typically psychiatrists. They all acknowledged Frankl as an inspirational figure, but none of them could clearly explain how Frankl’s cure could help us get to the other side of fear and despair. His current popularity demands a new interpretation of Frankl’s thought for the 21st century. That is why I want to share with you some of my own understanding of Frankl and logotherapy from many years of research (e.g., Wong, 2002; 2017a). In my estimate, Dr. Frankl is the most optimistic existentialist. He would react very differently to the coronavirus compared to Albert Camus. Camus believed that the plague meant life– meaningless and absurd. In his story The Plague (1947/2020), Camus’ answer to the arbitrariness of death and the absurdity of life was personal revolt: “Rieux becomes the incarnation of the man in revolt. He continues to fight for his fellow human beings no matter how dire the circumstances or elusive the chance of success” (Gloag, 2020, p. 60). Dr. Rieux’s dedication to his patients was motivated by his moral instinct to save lives against an evil monster in a meaningless and hostile world. In contrast, Frankl believed that life has intrinsic meaning and our faith in meaning and love can triumph over all evils, including the pandemic. Thirdly, it is based on our need for existential positive psychology (PP 2.0). Rarely was a psychiatrist claimed by both the existentialist and positive psychologists as one of their own as Frankl. He redefined psychotherapy and positive psychology by embracing the contradictions in life. I Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 6

have devoted two decades integrating Frankl’s ideas with positive psychology research (e.g., Wong, 2007, 2016). The power of Frankl’s ideas comes from the tension between suffering and happiness, between self-transcendence and self-actualization. Consequently, the most important tenet of PP 2.0 is that sustainable flourishing can only be achieved on the foundation of overcoming suffering–a bold claim that has already received considerable empirical support, as one can find in the following pages. Indeed, COVID-19 has made it impossible to ignore the fact that death and suffering is a big part of life. The world has become a laboratory to test out this new science of resilience and wellbeing through the gates of suffering. My research partners from more than 20 different countries and I are currently conducting a multinational study of how meaning, responsibility, and existential coping can function as a buffer against the adverse effects of COVID-19. Fourthly, it is based on the growing acceptance of PP 2.0. Recently, several MAPP (Master of Applied Positive Psychology) graduates from different countries have interviewed me; they wanted to learn more about the existential positive psychology of suffering and how to apply it to their practice of positive interventions. Another impetus came from something I posted on the Friends of Positive Psychology listserv on March 21, 2020. I suggested that in the new era of COVID-19, some positive psychologists might want to work with me to develop existentially oriented measures and positive interventions. Then I listed some of the measure I had already developed:

1. Existential Gratitude Scale 2. Life Attitudes Scale (Tragic Optimism) 3. Mature Happiness Scale 4. Responsibility Scale 5. True Grit Scale 6. Search for Meaning Scale

I concluded by emphasizing that “We need to get these instruments and related practices out to help people cope with serious mental health issues”. I was pleasantly surprised that Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, replied within 5 minutes: “This is a great time for such research, in general, particularly if you have measures before.” This was followed by numerous requests from positive psychology researchers and practitioners. Therefore, I asked my assistant to create a webpage of all the resources I had created for the pandemic. Finally, it is based on the need to move beyond the medical model. I am disappointed that most of the advice from mental health experts focused on negative emotions, such as depression and anxiety, and only mentioned medication and cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) as treatment options. A little reflection would tell us that existential suffering inflicted by the absurdity of life cannot be explained away by rational thinking. This is especially true during this pandemic. The Groundhog Day filled with bad news about the rising death toll and harsh economic condition would not go away simply because we can think clearly. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 7

What people really need is the courage and optimism to accept our unhappiness and embrace the absurdity of life as the foundation to co-create a better future for ourselves and for our children. Therefore, during April of this year, I decided to quickly put together a book titled Made for resilience and happiness to help people as part of a meaning-focused therapy (Wong, 1997) to cope with the mental health challenges. My compassionate impulse has over-ruled my concerns for professional pride in rushing out this resource book: I apologize for the rough edges and typos in my writing. The main thrust of this book is that all human beings were made for resilience and happiness. Our genes and brain are prewired in such as way that we are capable of surviving and thriving through all the pandemics, natural disasters, and wars since time immemorial. History has shown that belief determines destiny. Once awakened, there is no going back; we will take responsibility to harness the potential within us to transcend the hell of suffering and taste the joy of heaven.

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Introduction | How a Healthy Dosage of Self-Transcendence can Overcome COVID-19

Never before have so many people experienced such a high level of stress and anxiety. Frontline health workers and service providers are most at risk of being infected with COVID-19 because of the very nature of their work. It must be emotionally overwhelming for them to face all the dangers and hardships each day. So many mental health experts have given their advice on how to manage stress and cope with mental illness. But amidst the gloom and doom, I want to advocate the optimistic view that we can win this prolonged battle with COVID-19 on both the medical and psychological fronts. Moreover, all of us can come out this ordeal stronger and better, especially those who fight on the frontline. All we have to do is to be open to a new way of thinking and the new science of self- transcendental love. Remember the Zen wisdom: Nothing new can be poured into your cup, until you empty it of the old ideas about how to be resilient and happy. Nothing but self-transcendence can save us! Yes, this is the most promising solution. This may sound absurd to you. But let me shock you further by claiming that self-transcendence is the least understood, least researched, but most important spiritual virtue that can save us not only from the pandemic, but from our inauthentic and self-destructive way of living. Several years ago, I wrote a paper on self-transcendence as the path to virtue, happiness and meaning (Wong, 2016a). This paper only partially answered the following important questions: Do you know why is self-transcendence so essential for our wellbeing? Do know why self-transcendence can integrate the worst of you and the best of you into a healthy whole? Do you know why pursuing only the bright side of life without the unpleasant dark side will lead you to be always incomplete, craving for more happiness and success but never find meaning and fulfillment? Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 10

Thanks to COVID-19, we are now forced to pause and ponder our way of life and our future. We may ask ourselves such questions as: What changes do I need to make in order survive this pandemic? What can I do to create a better life when the economy is shambles? Could it be that I have been too self-selfish, too self-absorbed? At this crucial juncture of history, the best thing we can do is honestly look deeply into our own soul and confront our limitations, suffering and existential crisis, as eloquently stated by Dr. Young-Eisendrath (1996): “Honest confrontation with the deeper anguish over our ordinary human limitations and imperfections, our inevitable loss, illness, decline and death, wakes us to the significance of our lives.” (p. 9) I am going to present 4 difficult steps to guide your soul searching. These steps are supported by scientific research and may transform your life:

First we Need to Confront our own Shadow The first step to take an honest look at ourselves instead of blaming others or blaming society for all our pains and miseries. I know that hardest thing to do is looking deep into our shadow hidden behind all the masks and defences we have created. It is true that we all are all living our personal mythology. We are all living by the story we have created for ourselves, unconsciously most of the time. It helps protect us from the horrors of our past and the deep wounds of our soul. It helps give us a false sense of self-esteem and happiness.

The human tragedy is that if we completely accept our personal myth, we only live an unexamined life and we may unwittingly hurt ourselves and our loved one without any awareness. That is why we need to look into the mirror and examine the innermost part of our soul. We may discover the shocking dark secrets that we have tried so hard to cover up. But we will not change ourselves, unless we have the courage to face the painful truth that we are not what we think we are. As an affluent and technically advanced society, we have unwittingly become too smart and too smug for our own good. We may feel that we are so sophisticated and cosmopolitan that we have no use for God or traditional values. We may be so busy pursuing materials gains that we have no time to reflect on what really matters in life. We may also be so pre-occupied with only own needs and self interests that we no longer know how to love or care for others. It is tragic mistake to worship the almighty dollar and the power of science to provide for a good life, because in doing so, we actually pave the way of self-destruction. Misguided scientism and materialistic egotism lead to all kinds of toxic characteristics such as selfishness, pride, envy, discrimination, hatred, and phoniness, which may be more dangerous than the coronavirus, leading to much unnecessary suffering and destruction. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 11

In order to protect their privileges and advance their own agenda, so many successful people use their power to sacrifice countless little people for their benefit; they are able to get away because the poor do have the power to fight back. These human evils may be directly or indirectly responsible for the spread of a preventable pandemic and the reason behind most of our problems, such as political unrest, racism, power struggles, marital conflicts, divorce, mass violence, and hate crimes. We have got into such a terrible mess because we have lost our way, lost our soul, and forgotten how to live as decent and interdependent human beings. Such awareness awakens us to all kinds of possibilities for positive transformation.

Second, we Need to Change our Mindset About Suffering

The second step is to change our negative attitude towards suffering. We need a quantum shift in our mindset to not think of the suffering caused by COVID-19 as a dreadful enemy, but as a warning that our life is out of balance and a signal that it is time to search for new meaning and purpose. All kinds of unexpectedly good things can come from this shift in mindset. According to Frankl (1985), we all have the primary need for transcendental meaning; this is the deepest yearning in our soul, which cannot be satisfied with material things or all the good things in life. That is why he defined our search for meaning as the search for self-transcendence, for something much greater than ourselves, and something worth suffering and dying for. We become truly alive and fearless only when we have discovered our passion for living. Here lies the pivotal point. Here, Frankl made the greatest discovery in psychology and therapy: It takes suffering to discover resilience and happiness. For instance, I am grateful for all my suffering, which has made me a better person and a good psychologist who knows how to help others. I would not have fully understood Frankl’s genius without personally going through the horrors of the Japanese invasion of China, civil war, poverty, and discrimination. Without suffering, I would not have discovered existential positive psychology (PP 2.0), which advocates that flourishing must have its roots in the soil of suffering. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 12

The good news is that you too can benefit from your suffering–you need to squeeze out all the benefits and good things from your suffering. It would be a crime against yourself to waste your suffering. So stop complaining, and be grateful for all the gifts from suffering–from confusion to purposefulness, from passion to compassion, from understanding to empathy (Young-Eisendrath, 1996). Therefore, be patient in your suffering until you have learned all the lessons you need in order to find true success and fulfillment in life. You will continue to suffer until you stop resisting. Eventual victory belongs to those who are able to endure and learn the lesson of self-transcendence.

Third, we Need to Understand the Power of Self-Transcendental Love This is a powerful quote. Frankl was able to discover the secret code to resilience and happiness after he suffered in Nazi death camps. Yes, love is the only way to our salvation. This is no poetic hyperbole, no romantic sentimentalism, and definitely no overused cliché. It sounds so simple, but it is so profound that it will take time to understand and practice. After many more decades of research, the new science of self- transcendence will reveal the full extent of the power and mechanisms of sacrificial love, which also happens to be the greatest commandments from Jesus (see Matt 22:36-40). We have only scratched the surface with the recent publication of Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization (2020) by Scott Barry Kaufman and my own research of self-transcendence (Wong, 2016b, 2016c). We still know very little of the Why and How of self-transcendence, which is the key to resilience and happiness. I can only hypothesize that we were wired for self-transcendence. That is why our primary motivation is the deepest yearning for self-transcendent love. That is why sacrificial love allows us to transform ourselves. That is why the passion of Christ on the cross is the most powerful positive movement in history. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 13

But it is sufficient to say that all the research so far have demonstrated that belief in self- transcendence can get people through all their challenging life situations, from aging and cancer, to palliative care (For more details, please read Wong, 2016a; Kaufman, 2020).

Anyone who has been fallen in love would understand that they would be willing to make any sacrifice in order to bring happiness to the beloved. They would be willing to suffer and endure pain for the beloved – love gives them courage and resilience They will suffer joyfully if their sacrifice brings the other happiness – love gives them deep satisfaction in spite of suffering. They would be willing to help all those who are related to the other – love makes them a caring person In short, love has transformed them completely, from their innermost being to how they behave and relate to others. Anyone who has found their true calling or mission would also understand that they would be willing to make any sacrifice in order to realize their dream. They would be willing to suffer and endure anything for their mission– love for their work gives them courage and resilience They would suffer joyfully knowing that their sacrifice will be worth it – meaning gives them deep happiness in spite of suffering. They would be willing to help anyone who is related to the mission – meaning makes them a caring person The above are just simple examples. Self- transcendence can permeate and transform every aspect of our life. In short, self-transcendence will transform our inner landscape and empower us to use our body as an instrument for a higher purpose beyond ourselves.

Fourth, we Need to Practice Self-Transcendence in Order to Survive and Thrive Whatever one’s view of life is, suffering has always constituted an important part of human existence. The average person is primarily concerned about bread and butter issues, but in times like Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 14

this pandemic, we are thrown into unchartered territory where we are confronted daily with existential issues, such as suffering and death. In a paradoxical way, I have shown that how we resolve our existential crisis can have direct impact on our wellbeing and happiness. According to Buddhist Proverb: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” But what is psychic pain? How can differentiate it from suffering? What are the differences between inevitable and optional suffering? What are the neuro-mechanisms for our happiness in suffering for what we love passionately? How is passionate love related to meaning and virtue? What are the differences between good and bad self-transcendence (Wong, 2017)? That is why I have set up a Research Institute on Suffering and Flourishing, the research arm of INPM (www.meaning.ca/) I have also written the book Made for Resilience and Happiness (available soon) which provides a road map on how to become stronger and happier by going thorough the turbulent journey of fighting against the pandemic. At times, the waves may seem too gigantic to overcome, but we have the innate human capacity to achieve something positive in the worst of circumstances though self-transcendence. For example, you may be reluctant to go to work because of the all the risks, difficulties, and hopelessness surrounding the workplace (such as palliative care or long-term care homes). May I suggest that you go through the above four steps by challenging yourself with the following tough questions; this may help transform your life: 1) Confront yourself by asking simple questions such as: Am I a coward who is too afraid of risks? Am I a selfish jerk who is not willing to help others? Do I realize how important and valuable my work is? Do I realize that the value or meaning of work does not depend on my position, but on my attitude? Why can’t I bring a positive attitude and give it my best when I work? 2) Stop complaining about your work and start thinking about what a wonderful experience it is. Yes, it is tough and nerve-wrecking. It is exhausting and frustrating. But also think about what a privilege it is to help others. Don’t you realize how many people depend on your work? Don’t you feel a sense of significance and dignity to be able to contribute in such a difficult time? Do you feel a sense of pride when so many people are grateful for your heroic work and want to show their appreciation? How many people have the opportunity to be under the spotlight as a hero? 3) Do you realize that love is the most powerful force on earth? Do you know that love can give you the strength to endure anything, the courage to face any danger, and the joy to sacrifice for others? Remind yourself that you work because of your passion for your work, and your passion to help others. More importantly, your work provides the financial support for your loved ones. 4) Say to yourself that you are no longer afraid of suffering and death because love make it worthwhile. The idea of being motivated by sacrificial love will fill your heart with joy and ignite the fire in your belly so you may play an important role in combatting the deadly monster. Say to yourself that the worse will be over and your life will be stronger and better because you dared to face the crisis, face your own shadow, and found your way back to self- transcendence, the source of positive energy and divine joy deep in your soul. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 15

Conclusion Your solution to the problems of the coronavirus lies in the process, not in the destination. COVID-19 is here, and we cannot run away from it. We must face it, accept it, and move forward with courage and self-transcendental love. The future is on the side of love and hope. We can win the war together, and we can rejoice together by encouraging and cheering each other on. Self-transcendence provides a way for us to be connected with others and with God; it is through our total dependence on these connections that we discover the beauty and happiness of life. Self-transcendence is the source of compassion, which means to suffer with others. It is the source of passion, which means to suffer for God and for others. Self-transcendence sets our soul on fire and moves us to accomplish the impossible. In sum, self-transcendence is a transformative way of making us complete. It is also the most compassionate way look at life. It is like seeing life through the lens of love from our soul, which softens every blow from life and adds some bright colour to every dark shadow we go through. It makes our life more beautiful and interesting. A better future begins with self-transcendental love. Hope that you can harness the power of love to transform your life and overcome COVID-19. May you find enough space in your heart to welcome your shadow and embrace your suffering; this is the best way to reclaim your happiness and hope today. I want to conclude this essay with a beautiful quote from Anam Cara: Spiritual wisdom from the Celtic world (1999) by John O’Donohue because it captures the spiritual nature of self-transcendence with such powerful and poetical language:

“For love alone can awaken what is divine within you. In love, you grow and come home to your self…Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. The eternal makes you urgent. You are loath to let compromise or the threat of danger hold you back from striving towards the summit of fulfillment. When the spiritual path opens, you can bring an incredible generosity to the world and to the lives of others.”

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Self-Transcendence Measure-Brief (STM-B)

Please respond to the following statements by circling the most appropriate response to the scale, from 0 (not at all characteristic of me or my beliefs) to 4 (a great deal characteristic of me or my beliefs).

1. My life is meaningful because I live for something greater than myself. 0 1 2 3 4 2. My suffering is more bearable when I believe that it is for my family, 0 1 2 3 4 friends, and/or for a higher purpose. 3. I enjoy the process of striving towards excellence in what matters. 0 1 2 3 4

4. At my funeral, I want to be remembered as a decent human being who 0 1 2 3 4 cared about others. 5. A worthy lifelong pursuit ought to have some intrinsic value—something 0 1 2 3 4 that is good in its own right. 6. What matters most to me in life is the contribution I make to society. 0 1 2 3 4

7. I focus on discovering the potential meaning in every situation. 0 1 2 3 4

8. I devote my life to pursuing the ideals of beauty, goodness, and truth. 0 1 2 3 4

9. I develop my full potential in order to give my best to benefit society. 0 1 2 3 4

10. I am more motivated by doing something meaningful than by the prospect 0 1 2 3 4 of receiving external rewards.

For the original Self-Transcendence Measure (STM) (Wong, Ivtzan, Lomas, & Kjell, 2016), please see: Wong, P. T. P. (2016, June). Self-transcendence as the path to virtue, happiness and meaning. Paper presented at the research working group meeting for Virtue, Happiness, and the Meaning of Life Project, University of Chicago, Chicago, Illinois.

For the Self-Transcendence Measure-Revised (STM-R) (Wong, Ivtzan, Lomas, Kjell, & Peacock, 2017), please see: Wong, P. T. P. (2016, December). From Viktor Frankl’s logotherapy to the four defining characteristics of self- transcendence. Paper presented at the research working group meeting for Virtue, Happiness, and the Meaning of Life Project, Columbia, SC.

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Chapter 1 | You Were Made for Resilience and Happiness for Times Like These

The problem of suffering can not be solved by shallow faith or easy happiness; nor can it be solved by science, wealth, or political power. Suffering can only be experienced, embraced, and transformed into a source of positive energy in life. The most precious pearl could only be found in the deepest part of the sea. The most brilliant diamond could only be found in the deepest part of the earth. When you were enjoying a luxurious cruise, or celebrating your business success, unfortunately and unexpected you found yourself descending into the deepest hell, in the unfamiliar and scary world of darkness and suffering. You can shake your fist at God and curse everyone who may be responsible for your undeserved suffering. You may swear and complain all day about your miseries, agony and anguish. But this only aggravates your suffering. When there seems to be no way out of this hellhole, listen to the small, still voice: only you, and you alone can find your way out by searching deep and wide for life's true purpose and for a solution to the problem of your suffering (Wong & Worth, 2017). You will be surprised by joy–the kind of mature happiness which no one can take away (Wong & Bowers, 2018). Yes, your darkest hour can become your precious time. Your cup is empty so that it may be filled with something that can really quench your soul's deepest thirst. You have lost everything so that you may find something that cannot perishable. You are confined and isolated so that you may transcend all your limitations and become connected the measureless ocean of life and joy. Your life can either be destroyed or transformed by suffering. Ultimately, the choice is yours. The responsibility of making the right choice is yours. No one can make this decision for you. If you want to say Yes to Life, Yes to suffering, and discover life's true purpose and joy, you can benefit from Viktor Frank's logotherapy and my positive psychology of suffering (Wong, 2019 ) because both of us have gone to hell and back, and are grateful for the opportunity for heroic achievement. You too can embark on a hero's journey. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 18

Chapter 2 | Viktor Frankl’s Cure for COVID-19

Viktor Frankl’s (1985) biggest discovery is that the meaning derived from suffering holds the key to resolving that suffering, along with our personal growth. According to Frankl, COVID-19 provides a rare opportunity for healing and new beginnings. The chapter explains why and how it works. By all accounts, the battle with COVID-19 is not going as well as many have expected, with new cases emerging each day and the death toll still rising (Welna, 2020). According to some views, the worst may be yet to come (e.g., Hunter, 2020; Shpancer, 2020). Therefore, flattening the mental health curve should also be a major challenge (Gruber & Rottenberg, 2020). As a student of Viktor Frankl and a practitioner of meaning therapy, I believe that we can do better than just return to the pre-pandemic condition, in which one out of five American adults has a mental illness (National Alliance on Mental Health, 2019). As a long-time advocate of grassroots mental health movement, I believe that teaching people how to live a meaningful life is the most economic and effective way to help them develop a psychological vaccine to protect or restore their mental health (Wong, 2015). The positive message of this book is that the lockdown has provided a rare opportunity of awakening or enlightenment for people to become stronger and better through the path of meaning. Here is a personal example. Recently, many bad things have happened to me. This might be a case of going through a perfect storm. It might be also due to the lockdown, because strange things do happen in people’s mind and in relationships, when people are cooped up for a long time without the normal human contact and activities. Whatever the cause of this series of unfortunate events, I felt compelled to share my predicament on Facebook with this brief posting: “Another night of struggling with God. Since the lockdown, everything has gone wrong, & everyone has abandoned me.” This seemed the least I could do during my lonely struggle. Good things have happened as a result. Firstly, within a few days, over 150 messages of support and encouragement poured in. It turns out that my condition was not an isolated case; many people resonated with my difficulty. Secondly, I was able to develop deeper relationships with some of them. Finally, I was able to gain deep understanding of Frankl and resolve my problems. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 19

I was not surprised that so many of my Facebook friends recommended Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl’s bestseller Man’s Search for Meaning (1985) as a source of inspiration and solution, even though I have read this book several times. As a matter of fact, in the age of COVID-19, the most mentioned psychotherapist in the media and interviews with mental health experts is Frankl. For example, Kenan Malik (2020) began his opinion piece in The Guardian with this quote: “To speak about the meaning and value of life may seem more necessary today than ever”, which was from a 1946 lecture by Frankl republished in English recently (1946/2020). Malik went on to say that at a time of global existential threat, “the significance of Frankl’s work lies not in his positivity or optimism but in his insistence that it is humans, and humans alone, who imbue the world with meaning. There is no external authority to whom we can turn to help us decide notions of right and wrong, good and bad. We can rely only on ourselves.” Although media coverage of Viktor Frankl was generally helpful, it did not really explain the How and Why of Frankl’s logotherapy and tragic optimism. In this small book, I will provide the road signs for finding meaning according to Frankl. Returning to my personal struggle mentioned earlier, I need to emphasize that existential struggle is not something that can be resolved once for all, because it is often context specific. But each time we go through the process of searching for meaning, we become more effective in resolving trauma. During this lockdown, my biggest gain was that I was able to develop deeper insights into Frankl's cure and found answers to my problem. I trust that these answers can help you too.

My First Insight is the Power of Frankl's 3-Second Rule Based on all my reading of Frankl’s writings and the following popular quote typically attributed to Frankl, I believe that this quote can be best understood as a 3-second pause that can save us from many problems. These 3 seconds will create enough space for us to make the right decision, which may mean a different outcome, a different destiny:

1. The 1st second. What is happening in this situation (Mindfulness)? We need to observe what is unfolding with mindfulness or self-detachment in Frankl's terminology. This brief intentional pause can make all the difference because it enables us to suspend our impulse, bias, or emotional reaction in a split second to allow for more accurate stress appraisal Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 20

(Peacock & Wong, 1990). Don't panic even when you feel overwhelmed by all the dark forces attacking you. One moment of stillness can save your life and turn the tide in your favor. One moment of pause will give you the necessary time to seek guidance from your soul and/or from higher power for the right response. 2. The 2nd second. What are my options or what kind of freedom do I have in this situation (Reflection on freedom)? Whatever the circumstances, we always have some degree of freedom or control; even in the worst case scenario of having a gun pointed at our head to obey an evil order, we still have the freedom of attitude to take a stance. It is always possible to maintain the freedom to protect our inherent human dignity and core value by boldly declaring: “You can destroy my body, but you cannot kill my soul.” We have the freedom to choose to die happily as a martyr, whereby we instantly transform the human tragedy into a heroic triumph. 3. The 3rd second. What is the right thing to do? How can I make a decision which is congruent with my life purpose and core value (Frankl, 1988)? We are constantly confronted with the existential dilemma of choosing between expediency and meaning. Choosing to gain some practical advantage, we may have to sacrifice our integrity or sell our soul, but choosing to do the right thing, we may have to face persecution and suffering.

This third question represents Frankl's greatest discovery: The question of meaning of life is not about me or what I can get from life, but about the human family or what life demands of me in terms of moral obligations. Most people from the West may react negatively to the concept of duty, but from the perspective of various Asian cultures, a sense of moral imperative can be a powerful motivation for heroic actions. Frankl’s questioning may serve as a wake-up call, leading to an “aha!” moment of awakening and a quantum shift from “What is in this for me?” to “What can I offer to others” Sadly, most people are content with living in a two-dimensional space; to them, life is all about eating, drinking and personally being happy. They will only work if they have to make a living. However, some serious reflection on the third question may open our eyes to the vertical spiritual dimension of life, enabling us to live at a deeper level. The first and second questions of the 3-second rule require the important mechanism of self- detachment, whereas the third question requires self-transcendence (Wong, 2016a). The 3-second rule serves the same purpose as the Chinese idiom of “Think thrice before you act” (三思而行), except that it is more explicit in providing a clear guide about how to think thrice. The end result is that it reduces the likelihood of making the wrong decision. Together, these two spiritual mechanisms–mindfulness (self-detachment) and meaning (self- transcendence)–function like a pair of strong wings that can lift you above your stress and personal problems into a new realm of hope and possibilities. Most mental health professionals who mentioned Frankl did not realize that these two mechanisms are the double-helixes for our meaningful life just as the double-helix DNA is essential for our biological life. Together, these two spiritual mechanisms represent a fundamental re-orientation from everyday self-interested obsessions, towards a broader concern for others (e.g., Adler, 1938/2011) or something greater than oneself (e.g., Frankl’s [1985] idea of ultimate meaning). Therefore, meaning Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 21

may be unique in each individual and in each situation, but the fundamental structure of meaning is the same, always shifting from self-preoccupation to a larger story, even a meta-narrative. Our heart needs to be large enough to embrace others, nature, and the Creator in order to achieve self- transcendence and self-actualization. These 3 seconds may even buy you enough time to laugh at the absurdity of life and make yourself happy: “Humour...can afford an aloofness and an ability to rise above any situation, even if only for a few seconds.” (Frankl, 1985, p. 63) In sum, meaning lies in going beyond the bondage of carnal desires or egotism (e.g., No Self according to Buddhism, or self-crucifixion according to Christianity) so that you may be free to connect with others, with nature, or with transcendental reality and higher values in an authentic and generous way. Once you have made the quantum shift to the vertical dimension of human existence–the spiritual dimension–you are in a position to decide how to realize meaning and value in your life regardless of circumstances. To further help you to make the right decision, Frankl has also identified three fundamental values, as discussed below.

My Second Insight is the Comprehensiveness of Frankl’s Three Avenues of Value It is amazing how Frankl was able to summarize the complex issues regarding the relationship between meaning and values in a simple and comprehensive way. One’s subjective meaning needs to be congruent with the following enduring values in order to be truly beneficial and worthwhile:

Creative value. What you can give to the world through your unique creative work. Whenever you have the freedom and opportunity to do something worthwhile and creative with your time or your life, you would want to do it whole-heartedly, so that it bears your unique imprint of personality, character strengths, experience, and imagination. You can create something of value and leave a footprint that helps others. It does not make any difference whether it is a paid job, volunteer work, or a hobby; it is not the nature of work but the nature of your attitude towards you work that makes it meaningful or significant. Whether your work has enduring value all depends on whether you care for it enough to create some real value. When your work matters to you, it will in turn makes your life matter or significant because of your unique contribution.

Experiential value. How you can receive it from the world through your appreciation. You can savour the moment through your five senses. You can also discover some hidden beauty and goodness in people, nature, or negative events with mindfulness and a meaning mindset (Wong, 2011). The secret to meaning and happiness is that you can always discover something beautiful in life, no matter how harsh life is. You can discover it with an attitude of humility, appreciation, imagination, and faith in the transcendental reality–all involve the activating of your right brain. Suffering can be painful but appreciate the precious life lessons from going through it. The most important part of this value is the appreciation of a love relationship, which is a like a stream in a desert or a ray of sunshine after a dark night. True love always involves the pain of yearning during Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 22

separation and grieving during death, but it is always a major source of meaning capable of transforming people’s lives for those who accept the sacrifice demanded by love.

Attitudinal value. How you can experience it through the “defiant power of the human spirit”. It can be an attitude of courage or an affirmation of faith to protect your human dignity and core values, even when you were stripped of everything. It is an attitude that enables you to face imminent death with your head held high and your eyes turned towards Heaven. It will give you the mental and emotional toughness to survive COVID-19. By applying the above insights to my life, I was able to reach a deeper level of acceptance and insight to discover meaning in very difficult circumstances. In fact, there is no bottom in terms of the depth of empathy, forgiveness, understanding, acceptance, and sacrifice. I was able to restore some measures of inner peace and joy when I was liberated from all attachments–not just from the things of this world, but from the expectations that educated and decent adults should behave according to principles of justice, respect, and responsibility. Indeed, I had to accept the reality that the life is full of absurdity and darkness, and there are some very bad and unreasonable people. Ultimately, I was only responsible for my own behavior–I should strive to do the right thing regardless of personal costs. This realization immediately simplifies and clarified matters. I no longer had to worry about all the complicated ramifications of winning or losing. When I was willing to let go of everything, I was able to find peace with myself, with the world, and feel good about life. Meaning therapy is actually depth therapy; it is about sinking down deep roots so that we can survive the violent storms of life. To use a war metaphor, when we are bombarded by enemy fire and surrounded by toxic gas or pathogens with nowhere to go, we can always go deeper and deeper until we reach the innermost recess of our soul, the spiritual and healthy core which cannot be corrupted, according to Frankl’s logotherapy. Another way to clarify whether one’s desired value is really worthwhile or meaningful is Wong’s (2010) PURE test. Not all goals are equal–some are trivial pursuits and some are misguided self-destructive ambitions. To avoid self-deception, one can always apply the following four criteria:

1. A meaningful life is purposeful. We all have the desire to be great or significant, we all want our life to matter, to be somebody rather than a nobody. We all want to make a difference in the world. A sense of mattering or significance imbues our lives with meaning. The intrinsic motivation of striving to improve ourselves to achieve a worth goal is a source of meaning. That is why purpose is the cornerstone for a meaningful life. Even if you want to live an ordinary life, you may still want to do the best you can so that you will be known as a good neighbor, a decent human being. But not all purposes are alike. If our life purpose is centered around getting rich and famous by any means, even if it involves stepping on others, then such a life goal is neither responsible nor rationally justifiable. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 23

2. A meaningful life is understandable or coherent. We need to know the reasons for our existence, or the reason or objective of our actions and plans (Antonovsky, 1987). Having a cognitive understanding or a sense of coherence is equally important for meaning. 3. A meaningful life is a responsible one. We must assume full responsibility for our life or for choosing our life goal. Self-determination is based on the responsible use of our freedom. This involves the volition aspect of personality. The next criteria will explain why responsivity = meaning. 4. A meaningful life is enjoyable and fulfilling. It is the deep satisfaction that comes from having made some difference in the world. This is a natural by-product of living a life of self-transcendence. This subjective feeling of eudaimonia only comes from objectively pursuing something beyond and greater than oneself. The self-evaluation that “my life matters” is no longer a self-deception, when one can point to some objective evidence of their positive impact on others and society.

Together, these four criteria constitute the PURE definition of meaning in life. Most meaning researchers support a tripartite definition of meaning in life: Comprehension, purpose, and mattering (George & Park, 2016; Martela & Steger, 2016), but these elements are predicated on the assumption that individuals assume the responsibility to choose the narrow path of meaning rather than the broad way of hedonic happiness. In the existential literature, freedom and responsibility are essential values for an authentic and meaningful life (In addition to Frankl, you can also read Rollo May, Irvin D. Yalom, Emmy van Deuzen, etc). For instance, my life is meaningful because I chose the life goal of reducing suffering, as well as bringing meaning and hope to suffering people. This was not an easy choice, but it was the only choice if I wanted to be true to my nature and my calling. I had to be what I was meant to be.

My Third Insight is the Key to Understand Frankl’s Cure

According to Frankl, logotherapy is spiritual therapy. Just as cognitive psychology restored the mind to psychology after behaviourism, Frankl restored the soul and spirituality to mainstream psychology, which was dominated by reductionist and determinist materialism. The soul represents the most sacred spot in everyone’s life; it is where we discovery our best angels. It is where we encounter the what is sacred and transcendental. Most importantly, it is where we find our passion for life. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 24

The key to understanding the power of Frankl’s meaning therapy is to discover the power of FAITH, such as faith in a better future, in the self, in others, and in God. Faith in God is very involved in the exercise of attitudinal value. All hope are based on faith, especially hope in hopeless situations. What kept Frankl alive through multiple Nazi death camps was precisely his faith in a future reunion with his wife (not knowing that she was already dead), faith in the enthusiastic acceptance of logotherapy in the world, and faith in the inherent value and sanctity of life. He never gave up the belief and hope that allied forces would arrive, and he would still be alive to fulfill his dreams. Faith, nothing but faith, can counteract the horrors of life and death. All our pursuits of meaningful work and meaningful relationships are initiated by faith and sustained by faith even when we were living in a hellhole. We need faith to sustain our hope in an uncertain future which is beyond our control. It does not matter whether you have faith in God, Jesus, Buddha, or the spirit of our ancestors, if you have faith in someone or something greater than yourself, you would have a better chance of overcoming seemingly insurmountable problems and defeating more powerful enemies. In sum, wellbeing can be conceptualized in terms of a golden triangle as illustrated below in figure 1. Each of the three components of this triad is possible because of the of double helix of self- detachment (mindfulness) and self-transcendence (meaning) that liberate us from self-absorption. Just as social distancing saves lives from the coronavirus, self distancing and self transcendence can provide the necessary life space that saves us from the heart of darkness, characterized by greed, pride, ignorance, and egotistic pursuits. The psychological imperative of cultivating faith, meaning, and love can be found throughout this book, because these three elements are like air, food, and water which are essential to our physical health. Later, I will show that the Golden Triangle and the Iron Triangle (see figure 2, which I will describe later) together constitute Frankl’s vaccine against suffering and the recipe to success.

Figure 1 The Golden Triangle

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Frankl is also relevant in the current debate of saving lives vs. saving the economy. On the one hand, he believes in the intrinsic value of life because of its spiritual origin, its singularity for each individual, and its potential for growth and to create some value for humanity. On the other hand, he believes that life is meaningful to the extent that we need to find something greater than ourselves and worth dying for. In other word, he believes in the paradoxical truth of life: Life has meaning and value only when it become what it was meant to be, which is pursuing a self-transcending life goal. In Frankl’s view, life is priceless. One cannot put a price tag on anyone’s life because we were all created equal in the image of God and endowed with greater value than any material things. That’s why he encourages people to say Yes to life, no matter what. A related argument in favor of life is that a living individual is always able to create some value or wealth, whereas a dead individual will be a terrible loss to their loved ones emotionally and entails economic loss. Therefore, whether from the perspective of cost/benefit analysis or from the framework of humanistic values, saving lives should be given a higher priority over saving the economy. In short, life always trumps money. Now, close your eyes and ask yourself the following self-reflection questions: 1) What do I want to do with my one and only life? 2) What is worth all my effort and sacrifices? 3) What is life, if there is no dream, no suffering, no overcoming, and no hope? Reflecting on these three questions may set you free from your shallow meaningless existence and get you started on a risky but exciting adventure. You may find some road signs and helpful tools in the following pages. The second exercise is to meditate on the following three self-affirmations: 1) I believe that life has meaning till I breaths my last my last. 2) I am grateful that the reality of suffering and death shows me what I was meant to be. 3) I am confident that I can find my way to a happy and meaningful life even in a hostile environment. The third exercise is to complete the Personal Meaning Profile-Revised and discover your sources of meaning-in-life: Please indicate the score you circled for the indicated question number in the cells below. Add up the scores in each row:

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Personal Meaningful Profile-Brief (PMP-B) © Paul T. P. Wong, 2012

This questionnaire is intended to identify what really matters in your life and measures people’s perception of personal meaning in their lives. Generally, a meaningful life involves a sense of purpose and personal significance. However, people often differ in what they value most, and they have different ideas as to what would make life worth living. The following statements describe potential sources of a meaningful life. Please read each statement carefully and indicate to what extent each item characterizes your own life. You may respond by circling the appropriate number according to the following scale:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Not at All Moderately A Great Deal

For example, if going to parties does not contribute to your sense of personal meaning, you may circle 1 or 2. If taking part in volunteer work contributes quite a bit to the meaning in your life, you may circle 6 or 7. It is important that you answer honestly on the basis of your own experience and beliefs. 1. I believe I can make a difference in the world 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 2. I have someone to share intimate feelings with 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 3. I strive to make this world a better place 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 4. I seek to do God’s will 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 5. I like challenge 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 6. I take initiative 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 7. I have a number of good friends 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8. I am trusted by others 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9. I seek to glorify God 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10. Life has treated me fairly 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 11. I accept my limitations 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 12. I have a mutually satisfying loving relationship 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 13. I am liked by others 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 14. I have found someone I love deeply 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 15. I accept what cannot be changed 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 16. I am persistent and resourceful in attaining my goals 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 17. I make a significant contribution to society 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 18. I believe that one can have a personal relationship with God 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 19. I am treated fairly by others 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 20. I have received my fair share of opportunities and rewards 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 21. I have learned to live with suffering and make the best of it 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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Reference: McDonald, M. J., Wong, P. T. P., & Gingras, D. T. (2012). Meaning-in-life measures and development of a brief version of the Personal Meaning Profile. In P. T. P. Wong (Ed.), The human quest for meaning: Theories, research, and applications (2nd ed., pp. 357-382). New York, NY: Routledge.

It is only fitting to conclude this brief introduction to logotherapy by quoting Frankl (1946/2020) regarding the inherent, unconditional value and meaning of individual life:

“What remained was the individual person, the human being — and nothing else. Everything had fallen away from him during those years: money, power, fame; nothing was certain for him anymore: not life, not health, not happiness; all had been called into question for him: vanity, ambition, relationships. Everything was reduced to bare existence. Burnt through with pain, everything that was not essential was melted down — the human being reduced to what he was in the last analysis: either a member of the masses, therefore no one real, so really no one — the anonymous one, a nameless thing (!), that ‘he’ had now become, just a prisoner number; or else he melted right down to his essential self.”

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Chapter 3 | Why we Need the New Science of Suffering and Flourishing

The new science of suffering and flourishing will blow your mind because it turns positive psychology, as you know it, on its head. It is based on the new understanding that the positive psychology of happiness is only half of the circle of wellbeing; the other half is the existential positive psychology of suffering. One cannot find wholeness and life balance without integrating the Yin and Yang aspects of life. The ultimate goal of life is to live a life of balance and harmony – a theme that well be explained in depth in a later chapter. The agenda of existential positive psychology (PP 2.0) for both research and applications can be summed up as transforming suffering into strength and joy. That is the message in need during the age of COVID-19 and the following post-pandemic years. More specifically, PP 2.0 is about transforming your life by turning:

• Depression into meaning, • Anxiety into mindfulness, • Anger into activism for change, • Shame into self improvement, • Fear into courage, • Failure into industriousness, • Hopelessness into faith and tragic optimism, • Grieving or sadness into serenity, • Loneliness into social interest and intimacy, • Feeling imprisoned into self-transcendence, • Weakness into resilience.

Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 29

There is already considerable research on the above, which I will not review here. Throughout this book, you will learn a lot more about how to develop the above skills that will make you stronger and better. If you still feel that Frankl’s cure does not provide the help you need, here is some additional information from the new science of suffering and flourishing. There is a long history in wrestling with the problem of suffering. For example, in Buddhism, the four Noble Truths are:

• The truth of suffering (dukkha), • The truth of the cause of suffering (samudaya), • The truth of the end of suffering (nirhodha). • The truth of the path that frees us from suffering (magga).

Collectively, these principles explain why human beings suffer and how to overcome suffering. Mindful meditation is just one of the Noble Eightfold Path of Buddhist spiritual practices leading to liberation from suffering and attaining Nirvana. (History.com editors, 2017). But there is also a short history in the scientific study of pain and suffering in the science of medicine and psychology at the biological, psychological, and existential levels (Cassell, 1991/2004; Grinker, et al., 1968; Wall, 2002). Human beings have the need for physical and psychological wellbeing (Bakan, 1968, Cabos, 2014; Reich, 1989). Clinical psychology focuses on reducing suffering as a moral duty (Miller, 2005) and Viktor Frankl (1985) considered logotherapy as a medical ministry for physicians. Philosophers and religious leaders from both the East and West represent the oldest attempts to find solutions to suffering. Mindfulness has recently become an area of scientific study in the reduction of stress (e.g, Davis & Hayes, 2012). But in another sense, PP 2.0 is an emerging science for at least 3 reasons:

First, it is an attempt to fill a missing gap in positive psychology. Positive psychology advocates that we can develop a science of wellbeing by focusing on neutral or positive territories of life, without the need to factor in the objective misery index and subjective suffering (Seligman, 2011; Seligman & Csikszentmihalyi, 2000). That is why this new science is often referred to as second wave positive psychology or PP 2.0 (Ivtzan et al., 2015; Wong, 2011). Second, it adopts a holistic approach towards the study of pain and suffering. The human phenomena cannot be simply understood in terms of material things, because human beings are complicated systems with several interdependent and integrated dimensions – biological, psychological, spiritual, social, and cultural. That is why the efficacy of CBT in treating depression may be failing in the last three decades (e.g., Johnson & Friborg, 2015) because life has become more complicated and depression can no longer be treated by fixing one’s dysfunctional thinking. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 30

As case in point, the psychic pain of being ostracised and oppressed can be even more unbearable than physical pain, because it cannot be resolved without correcting systemic racial discrimination and biases. I have personally experienced this pain all my adult life living in North America. The mental health problems of COVID-19 are more serious for some vulnerable minorities. That is why this new science merges PP 2.0 (Wong, 2009) with indigenous/cross cultural positive psychology (Wong, 2016a, 2013). Third, it involves a radically different set of assumptions. These assumptions were also emphasized by Frankl, several being: (a) an existential/spiritual worldview, (b) suffering as the foundation of wellbeing, and (c) sustainable or mature happiness the by-product of human quest for meaning. Fowers, Richardson & Slife (2017) provide the most compelling case for this new science; I have built on the foundation laid by them (Wong, 2019a, 2020). It would be good for psychology and our society if more suffering people can benefit from this new science.

There is already research demonstrating that suffering can lead to posttraumatic growth and superior survivorship (Suttie, 2014). There is also a fair amount of research on resilience, defined as the ability to bounce back after a setback (Bonanno, 2004). The American Psychological Association (2020) defined resilience as:

“the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors. As much as resilience involves ‘bouncing back’ from these difficult experiences, it can also involve profound personal growth.”

The ability to bounce back requires cognitive flexibility to promote personal wellbeing (Southwick & Charney, 2012). Research also shows that resilience depends on an individual’s resources, competencies, psychological strengths (such as positive emotions, positive traits), social factors (Kobau et al., 2011), and other psychological resources (such as meaning and religion; Park, 2005; Wong, 2007). There is considerable scientific support from evolutionary psychology for the power of positive thoughts in contributing to resilience and wellbeing (Geher & Wedberg, 2020). However, I am proposing that this new science is about the Why and How of embracing suffering through meaning should be the cornerstone of positive psychology and positive education (Wong, 2019b). The hallmark of resilience is feeling good about who we are and what we do so we are not afraid of suffering and dying for our mission. It is no longer about bouncing back from adversity or the cognitive-behaviour mechanisms of hardiness (Maddi, 2006). Rather, it about a lifelong preparation from childhood for a resilience mindset and character in order to survive and thrive in a dangerous or hostile world as a decent human being. Recently, I was interviewed by someone from a University in Mexico (Aladro, 2020) regarding the meaning in life and Covid-19. The interviewer asked me two surprising questions. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 31

The first question was: What are the most valuable lessons that you learned in childhood? My answer was that my parents and school really taught me the importance of three things: (a) enduring hardships and suffering, (b) the discipline of working hard, and (c) the willpower to focus on what needs to be done. They prepared me well to survive and succeed in a very harsh world as a refugee in Hong Kong and an immigrant in Canada. The last question he asked me was: What do you have to say to our students to inspire them during the age of COVID-19? I said that my answer was still the same. In the post- pandemic world, jobs would be scarce and competition would be tough; they would have little chance of success to realize their dreams unless they were prepared to embrace hardships, to work hard, and to work creatively towards a worthy life goal. If they choose to have mentality of living a happy and safe life described in the Coddling of the American mind (2018) by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt, it will set them up for failure, because their cultural value of “Safetyism”, a term created by Lukianoff and Haidt, is no match to the cultural value of embracing hardships and suffering necessary for success. In sum, this new science is not just an old wine in a new wineskin, but a new wine designed to empower suffering people to build a meaningful life, despite all the obstacles and setbacks. You are now more than halfway through this guided tour. Read on for more helpful information. The remaining sections will show you how the new science of suffering contribute to a deeper understanding of meaning and positive affect in a hostile world when we are overwhelmed with all kinds of negative experiences. The unique contribution of our research is to embrace suffering as the foundation for wellbeing in the age of COVID-19. I can begin with a personal example. I often consider myself as Rocky, the iconic movie character played by Sylvester Stallone. I could be knocked down repeatedly, but I manage to get back on my feet each time. I could be beaten, but not broken. Every rejection makes me stronger. Every blow makes me more resolved. Every pain makes me more compassionate. I always have a fire in my belly, fueled by both the negative emotions of anger and frustration and the positive emotions of hope and joy of bringing meaning and happiness to the suffering people. In addition, through my faith, I am more than a conqueror through Christ who strengthens me (the Bible, Rom 8:37). I am unstoppable because the forces of natural and supernatural power are with me. My life story is my proof (Wong, 2019b). Some of my Chinese friends considered me the Frankl for the 2lst century or China’s Frankl. Dr. Joseph Fabry (Wong, 1999) considered me the best thing that ever happened to logotherapy after Frankl. But I would rather consider myself one of the founding fathers of the Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 32 fledging science of suffering and flourishing, even though I knew from the very beginning that this banner could never attract a large following as the science of happiness (Wong, 2019b). As you face an uncertain future with so many obstacles and challenges ahead of you, the science of suffering will give you the best preparation for survival and success. You can discover for yourself how the additional values and skills of PP 2.0 can give you the necessary tools to overcome when the world seems to conspire against you. Contributions From the Positive Psychology of Happiness It would be amiss not to mention the many contributions of positive psychology, which focus on positive emotions (PE) and positive traits. PE contributes to flourishing and meaningful living: 1) PE predispose one to experience meaning (King et al., 2006). 2) PE broaden one's mind on future possibilities and provides the energy to build resources needed for a meaningful life (Frederickson et al., 2000). 3) PE contributes to flourishing according to Seligman's (2011) PERMA theory, which consists of five elements (positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and achievement) that contributes to wellbeing.

PE also plays a major role in building resilience and positive mental health (Fredrickson, 2009). In a prospective study of resilience and positive emotion following the 9/11 terrorist attack, Fredrickson and colleagues (2003) supported the hypothesis from the broaden-and-build theory that positive emotions are active ingredients within trait resilience. They found that positive emotions in the aftermath of crises provided a buffer for resilient people against depression and fueled their thriving. The study participants also shared the same anxiety and distress like the population at large after 9/11, but they experienced more positive emotions (compared to the less resilient ones), such as gratitude and love, even during a time of crisis, much like the present pandemic. They proposed that such emotions represent deeper or more mature kind of happiness such as gratitude, meaning, and love, which may be better predictor of resilience than purely positive affect. Meaning and happiness are the two pillars of resilience according to positive psychology. The literature has provided an abundance of evidence that meaning and positive emotions are the key to resilience (Batthyany & Russon-Netzer, 2014; Hicks & Routledge, 2013; Wong, 2012). For example, meaning in life and mastery as a psychological resource mediate between reminiscence and psychological distress (Korte et al., 2012) and meaning in life served as a Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 33 protective factor for adolescent’s psychological health (Brassai et al., 2011). All the research on post-traumatic growth (e.g. Linley & Joseph, 2004; Tedeshi, & Calhoun, 2004) also showed that people who were able to bounce back and grow were able to make sense of the trauma and find new meaning for their future. Meaning and positive affect are closely connected. Reker & Wong (1988) showed that when people do things that are meaningful, such as doing something for the greater good, that activity would be automatically accompanied by feeling good. Schnell & Hoof (2012) demonstrated that volunteers experienced a higher level of meaningfulness and life satisfaction. Armstrong and colleagues (2018) also found that volunteering was a strong predictor of health, and life satisfaction for all adults over 35 years of age. Therefore, serving some common good was a source of meaning and wellbeing. However, the pandemic has brought a lot of anxiety, anger, grieving, loss, and frustration into our lives; it is difficult, if not impossible, to feel happy all the time, according to Feldmen (2020). How could I be happy all the time when my brothers are being beaten and arrested, when my sisters are being abused and abandoned? It would make me a heartless person if I do not feel the pain of the downtrodden. A stronger reason why we should not only focus on happiness is that our survival and thriving depends on embracing negative feelings. Positive psychology has been an important source of inspiration and practical guide on how to flourish. For example, when you are all stressed out, give yourself the permission to enjoy some simply and healthy pleasures, such a taking a walk in the park or watching an uplifting movie. Similarly, when you find yourself stuck in a difficult task, why not get away from it for a while, and do something fun so that you can feel more relaxed and be in a more positive frame of mind to find a solution. However, the concepts and tools of positive psychology research for times of peace and prosperity may not be adequate for times of war and adversity. That’s why you need to move on to PP 2.0 (Wong, 2020). Contributions From the Positive Psychology of Suffering (PP 2.0) There is already a growing literature of PP 2.0 (Wong, 2019c). Here I want highlight three areas of research that support Frankl’s emphasis on self-transcendence, acceptance and courage or the defiant power of the human spirit.

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Figure 1 The Iron Triangle

1. The new science of transcendence. Kaufman (2020) and Wong (2016b) both provide empirical support for the importance of self-transcendence for living a meaningful and fulfilling life. Frankl’s key concept that we become truly human only when our spiritual need for serving others is awakened. Love awakens our soul and inspires us to live at a deeper level. There are encouraging signs that more and more ordinary people are doing little things to contribute to the wellbeing of frontline workers or to bring joy to others. Frankl’s genius was his discovery that the most effective way to be protect oneself against traumas, or free oneself from the hellhole that is the concentration camp, is to lose yourself in trying to help others that are suffering from the same or even worse fate. By offering someone a cup of water, you may be meeting an angel who will change your life. If you have any question about the effectiveness of this remedy, try to really help someone worse off than you. The transformative power of self-transcendence can also be experienced in the following ways: (a) pursuing something or someone greater than oneself, (b) expressive writing (Pennebaker, 2017), (c) re-authoring (Hutto & Gallagher, 2017), and (d) rediscovering a sense of awe and mystery (Schneider, 2004). Frankl’s three values and Wong’s PURE model of meaning are essential guides to help you discover the meaning that can transcend all your existential concerns, such as fear of death, loneliness, and meaninglessness.

2. The science of mindful acceptance. Accepting the world as it is, with all its suffering and absurdity is a key component of a resilient mindset (Hanson, 2014); it is also an essential aspect Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 35 of existential coping (Wong, 2007). Acceptance is positively related to wellbeing (Pillay, 2016). According Jon Kabat-Zinn (2006):

“Acceptance doesn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, mean passive resignation. Quite the opposite. It takes a huge amount of fortitude and motivation to accept what is- especially when you don’t like it-and then work wisely and effectively as best you possibly can with the circumstances you find yourself in and with the resources at your disposal, both inner and outer, to mitigate, heal, redirect, and change what can be changed.” (p. 407)

Thus, stop fighting against reality and accept all the problems related to the pandemic, such as physical distancing and government-imposed lockdown. Better still, we can accept it as a self-transcending act of promoting the common good. Meaning and self- transcendence can also be achieved through appreciating what happens to us. As we embrace what unfolds with the attitude of appreciation, we will be able to forget our own miseries and find some thing good, beautiful, and true that calls for our sense of gratitude.

3. The science of existential courage. Whether you are an entrepreneur or a frontline worker, it takes courage to face all the risks, both expected and unexpected (Kramer, 2016; Maddi, 2013). Life can throw you an unexpected curveball or you could suddenly find yourself in terrifying, unknown territory. It takes courage to turn this adventure into a hero’s journey, which will be discussed in a later chapter (CHAPTERXXX). In our battle against COVID-19, no one can feel safe because the invisible deadly virus can attack us from any opening, even when we dutifully follow government guidelines. It even takes courage to visit your family members or greet your friends because of the fear of infection. Fear, and flight from fear contributes to a vicious cycle to increase our fear, according to Frankl (1988). That is why we need to put on the armour of courage as a virtue. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 36

Many people are wresting with an existential crisis, and are confronted with the following questions: • To be or not to be • To do it or not to do • To make some change or to stay the same • To confront or to keep quiet • To fight or to surrender A split second could change your destiny, depending whether you have the courage to take the risk. In my own life, each conquest, each expansion in the face of overwhelming danger was the result of making the courageous decision on the Yes side. I believe that research also shows that the courage to take risks is a better bet than the avoidance strategy (McRoberts, 2017). Attempts to avoid or escape from the horrors of life will only lead to more pain and more problems. All such attempts are self-destructive, from wasting one’s life in hedonic pursuit and addictions, to becoming a victim to phobia and suicide. A better strategy is to face your worst fear with courage and come out the other side stronger. Life is a long journey, full of ups and downs, twists and turns. We are now going to through the dark valley of fear ,but a bright future still beckons those who are willing to learn new attitudes and skills to come out stronger. In some ways, PP 2.0 is a logical extension of the positive psychology of suffering to meet the new challenges. For example, we have extended Frederickson’s positivity (2009), to the mature positive happiness of contentment (Wong & Bowers, 2018), from learned optimism (Lee et al., 2019; Seligman, 1990) to tragic optimism (Frankl, 1985; Wong, 2007), and from Emmons’s gratitude to existential gratitude in times of suffering (Jans-Beken & Wong, 2019; Wong, 2016c). But in other ways, PP 2.0 is based on a totally different set of assumptions such as suffering as the foundation of wellbeing (Fowers et al., 2017, Wong, 2020), and a new orientation regarding the resilience revolution. The main message of this book is that cultivating a resilient mindset is our first line of defense in a hostile and dangerous world: Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 37

1) Be TOUGH mentally to face a dangerous world–When life get tough, the tough gets going. We need courage and fortitude to face all the problems and risks confronting us. You are tougher than you think. It takes mental and emotional toughness to get through the pandemic and a toxic system to survive and flourish. 2) Be RESPONSIBLE for adapting to the new reality–You need to assume full responsibility (both personal and social) to adapt to the reality of a constant struggle against destructive forces to get what you have always wanted. No one can do it for you. You just have to make it with whatever you have. 3) APPRECIATE what you still have–During the lockdown, it is a good time to slow down and appreciate all the little things in life. You can taste the coffee and give thanks for food on the table. You can smell the roses and enjoy the beauty of nature, from sunset to sunrise. You can also review the good times in the past and express gratitude to all the people who have supported you. You can even appreciate all your hardships as blessings in disguise. 4) Practice MINDFULNESS by receiving life at it is, with all its problems & disappointments– When you feel stuck in a hellhole where there is no exit, the avoidance strategy only makes things worse. You need to embrace it with openness and without judgement in order to have the clarity of mind to do the right thing. 5) Practice the MEANING mindset by looking for what is beautiful, good and true in all situations–Transform negative experiences into positive ones through meaning-focused coping, from reframing to seeking a higher purpose of self-transcendence. When you find a life purpose which is worth dying for, you will become fearless and unstoppable. 6) BELIEVE in a better future through faith and hope–When you find yourself in helpless and hopeless situations, the only positive thing you can do is to seek consolation and help from God or a higher power. In fact, what kept Frankl alive in Nazi concentration camp is his faith in seeing his wife and speaking in an American university about his logotherapy. There is already a growing literature supporting the above 6 elements of the resilient mindset (TRAMMB). You will be able to persevere and receive your due reward if you practice the above.

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How can I Find Happiness When I am Living in Pain in a Hostile World? It is when the rubber hits the road that you will discover whether your theory is of any use. I live with all kinds of pain (Do you want to know all the medications I take everyday?). I have had more than my fair share of struggles with illnesses and misfortunes, but I am not living in pain. Even during my darkest days, I can still feel good about myself and my life. I dug my way out of all the pain, still feeling hopeful and meaningful, and I have emerged stronger and better. You too can have this kind of deep-rooted mature happiness. Yes, I can hear you raising the following questions: 1. What should I do when I am perpetually frustrated in my struggle to fulfill my dreams? 2. How can I find a way out when I feel stuck in a hellhole with no way out? 3. How can I find a true and loyal friend who understands my pain and who would not abandon me after using me? 4. How can I be happy when I am hurt by so many bad things happening to me and other minorities? 5. How can I be motivated to work hard when all my efforts have ended in failure? 6. Where can I turn get help when I feel that I will never make it because all my competitors are stronger and better connected? 7. How can I find meaning and hope when life is brief, fragile, full of absurdity, evil, and suffering? 8. How can I develop the strength and resilience to overcome all my limitations, pain, obstacles, and achieve the success and happiness I have always wanted? If you are asking any of the above questions, then you have come to the right place, because my lifelong research is about finding scientific answers to these questions. You may feel better if you know that you are not alone in wrestling with the mystery of suffering–why do the wicked prosper and the righteous suffer? People far wiser than I have not found a satisfying answer to this perennial human problem. All I can offer are practical solutions based on scientific research and clinical experience. I have already alluded to the discovery that digging deeper and deeper is one sure way to discover meaning and true happiness, because the most valuable treasures are hidden in the deepest recesses of the human soul just as diamond and oil are hidden inside the earth. Thankfully, science has provided a guide on how to Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 39 be a successful digger (Wong & Worth, 2017; details will be explained in the chapter on coping (Chapter 4). Therefore, it is indeed possible to have happiness in a hostile world, but a different kind of happiness. The era of COVID-19 has ushered in the reality of living in a hostile world with a deadly invisible enemy lurking everywhere. We even have to be on guard with our family and friends and practice physical distancing. In addition, quarantine may lead to suffering because of the frustration, anger, and boredom. The fact is that when we suffer alone, the feeling of loneliness only makes our suffering more unbearable, which further reinforces our sense of alienation and loneliness. Dov Shmotkin (2005) was the first psychologist who raised the question: How can we be happy in a such a hostile world? He answered in the affirmative but suggested that there are different kinds of happiness. For example, according to the model of evaluative space (ESM; Cacioppo et al., 1999), approach and avoidance systems may operate as two separate and independent dimensions, and yield a variety of interactions between positive and negative affect. This is similar to Wong’s (2012) dual-system model, which allows for maximum behavior flexibility and emotional agility in the face of adversity. Another important factor of subjective wellbeing in coping with adversity is to embrace or accept the dark side of life. This should not be equated with pessimism. It is the realistic and adaptive response of “bracing for the worst” (King, 1998) to avoid further painful disappointments, when optimistic expectations have been already disproved repeatedly. That is why acceptance of the bleak situation is part of coping with what is beyond individual control (Wong, 1993). I have just mentioned earlier that there is no limit to the depth of acceptance, and this may be the hardest lesson to learn. Shmotkin (2005) has provided a framework which allows for many different kinds of happiness. For example, you can experience happiness that is high in cognitive evaluation of life satisfaction, but low in positive affect. One can also have happiness where negative and positive emotions co-exist. Research on many different types of happiness is a positive new development (Storey, 2020). However, most positive psychologists still limit themselves to happiness research in normal life circumstances. But the age of COVID-19 beckons them to explore the following types of mature happiness which can really contribute to subjective wellbeing and health, even when all the news we get are bad news and it is very difficult to feel positive about anything. There is no short-term excitement and no pure positivity in these types of deep-rooted mature happiness, but it can sustain you through any storm and allow you to maintain inner serenity and sanity. This may be the best thing that can happen to you.

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Mature Happiness Through Transforming Negative Emotions

The greatest strength of PP 2.0 is its ability to transform all the negative experiences and emotions into positive ones. To me, that is the highest level of emotional intelligence (or EQ 2.0). We can achieve such positive transformation of negative emotions through the following steps:

This promising area of PP 2.0 is built on the ground-breaking work done by Kashdan and Biswas-Diener (2015). It should be most helpful for the first responders who have to face the waves and waves of negative emotions.

We can transform any unpleasant experiences and emotions into positive emotions and actions. The result is mature happiness because most likely, it entails a calm emotion deep enough to co-exit with a negative one.

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Another way to experience mature happiness is to feel the deep satisfaction of discovering what makes like worth living and then actually pursuing it. It is never easy to find one’s calling, but you need to keep on knocking on doors until you find the right one. You can start by doing the simple “mirror exercise” as described by Steve Jobs. You can also do the “funeral service” exercise by imagining yourself lying in a coffin and listening to others giving a eulogy of your life. What kind of eulogy do you want to hear from people who know you most? For me, I would like to hear people say, “Here lies a man who fought for the underdogs all his life and brought meaning and happiness to suffering people”. Such exercises of self-reflection and self-awareness can turn your discontentment with your life into a new birth. Frankl (1985) wrote, “So live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!” (p. 100). Find yourself a quiet corner so that you can focus on meditation and reflection. Don’t go too deep at the beginning because you may not be ready to handle the powerful experiences all by yourself. You can start by reflecting on some basic questions such as:

• What am I really good at? What did I always dream about becoming? • What matters most of me? What may be more important than my own life? • What do I believe? Do I only believe in myself? Will that be sufficient to get me through life? • To whom I really own a great debt of gratitude? What were some of his/her good deeds? How can I show my appreciation? • What can I do to support the frontline workers? • How can I help others who might need my help? • Why can’t I let go some of the things that trouble me? How can free myself from my self- imposed prison? Isn’t inner peace more important?

With some professional help, you can get better and deeper in your meditation and your ability to focus and relax. Right now, all you have is time; why not take the time to discover the true meaning and happiness of life? Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 42

According to this new science of resilience the closest thing that feels like a positive state of mind in times of suffering is mature happiness (Wong & Bowers, 2018), characterized by calmness, contentment, inner harmony, and life satisfaction. This may be more important than fleeting feelings of excitement for long-term success. For example, Ali Pattilo (2020) reported that recent psychological research showed that “positive external outcomes cause only fleeting happiness. However, daily habits that cultivate positive thinking and optimism create sustainable happiness”. He pointed out that such actions as practicing gratitude, reviewing good memories, and activating your social network can increase mental health and improve performance. Similarly, Mayer Tamir et al. (2017) found that happiness is more about having meaningful and valuable experiences than seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. In a cross-cultural multinational study, they found that participants who experienced more of the desired emotions, such as anger about abuse, reported greater life satisfaction and fewer depressive symptoms, even when those emotions were unpleasant. “People want to feel very good all the time in Western cultures, especially in the United States,” says Tamir, “Even if they feel good most of the time, they may still think that they should feel even better, which might make them less happy overall.” (American Psychological Association, 2017). The importance of this study is that happiness may involve some unpleasant emotions, resulting in ambivalence because of the co-existence of negative emotion with the positive emotions. It takes practice to be able to hold two opposing thoughts and emotions with both hands without being troubled by dissonance. In view of the above review of literature, here are 10 types of mature happiness in times of suffering. It will take time to understand and experience each of the following types of mature happiness. Conclusion

Flattening the mental health curve is the next big coronavirus challenge. Throughout this book, I will show you that we can do better than simply flattening the mental health curve–we can be stronger and better, if we practice the skills based on Frankl’s cure and the science of flourishing through suffering. There are many ways to represent Frankl’s cure, but for the sake of focusing on battling COVID-19, we need to practice daily the micro skills of self-distancing and self-transcendence, the DNA for mental health, until this becomes your second nature. Then practice the strategies of the 3-second rule and the 6 referral steps in positive transformation. Finally, receive the Frankl vaccine against suffering based on the Golden and Iron triangles. To recap, the golden triangle of meaning, love, and faith functions like food, water, and air, necessary for positive mental health and happiness. The iron triangle of courage, acceptance, Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 43 and transcendence function as armor, protecting us from injury and enabling us to transform all the evil into good. This iron triangle represents the Yin half of the mandala tree and fills in the missing part of positive psychology. Working together with the golden triangle of meaning, love, and faith, one can then move forward in life and maintain balance, as if on a bicycle, whatever the circumstances. I want to conclude this rather comprehensive introduction with a symbol of mandala tree of life, which can integrate Frankl’s cure and my PP 2.0 of suffering and flourishing. The Mandala tree of a flourishing life. The roots represent the process of acceptance– the deeper it goes, the stronger the roots. It is the process of courageous confrontation with our Shadow and our painful memories/emotions. It is the brutal honesty and humility of accepting our limitations and vulnerability. There is no limit to how deep it can go until it reaches the hidden “true self” or the sacred spot. It is the Yin part of flourishing. It is Frankl's Tragic Optimism of accepting the brevity and fragility of life. The tree with its trunk, branches, and fruits represents the process of self-transcendence– the higher the tree grows, the more fruits it produces. It is the process of courageous overcoming and rising above all the limitations and absorbing love, meaning, and faith. It is the Yang part of flourishing. There is no limit to how high it can grow until it connects with the ultimate good, truth, and beauty. It is Frankl's concept of heroic transformation of tragedy into triumph through the quest for meaning. This is similar to Carl Jung's idea: "“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” It is also similar to Nietzsche’s idea in Thus Spoke Zarathustra (1885/1954):

“But it is the same with man as with the tree. The more he seeks to rise into the height and light, the more vigorously do his roots struggle earthward, downward, into the dark, the deep-into evil.”

This mandala tree is a symbol of the integration of both good and evil in order for the tree of life to flourish. This can be accomplished only with the two Yin and Yang systems working together to achieve the ideal balance and optimal wellbeing in each context, as suggested by the dual-system model (Wong, 2012). It is helpful to keep this this mandala at the back of your mind, as you read deeper into the content of this book. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 44

If you are really sick and tired of getting stuck where you are, but afraid to make any changes, maybe you need to consider taking a lead of faith if you really want to achieve what you have always wanted. Without plunging into the ocean and struggling against the waves, you will never know how brave you are, and you will never develop the resilience you need It may take longer than you initially thought to reach your desired destination, but it is worth it. Personally, I have persevered for 50 years, but I still have not arrived yet. It is not pleasant to be ostracised, squeezed, and attacked for daring to blaze a new trail, but my best ideas were developed in the crucibles of suffering, for which I am grateful. That is how I am able to leave my footprints for others who are suffering. Now, I can now die without any regrets and have the deep satisfaction that “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (The Bible, 2 Timothy 4:7). You are tougher than you think. You are valued more than you believe. Life is a constant battle. Yet the beauty of life is found the thick of the struggle with the joyful anticipating of arriving at your destination. If you find this book helpful, I invite you to sign up for the free Positive Living Newsletter (http://www.drpaulwong.com/positive-living- newsletter/) which will provide you with more resources and information on training opportunities in logotherapy, meaning therapy, and PP 2.0. My vision is to have thousands of people join me in the mission of advancing meaning, spiritualty, wellbeing, and world peace at the International Network of Personal Meaning and the new Research Institute on Flourishing and Suffering. Become a member (www.meaning.ca) so that we can work together to spread the encouraging news of how to survive and thrive in the age of COVID-19.

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Chapter 4 | Coping with the Mental Health Crisis of COVID-19: A Resilience Perspective We are now living through an unprecedented time. COVID-19, the worst pandemic in modern history, has fundamentally changed life as we know it. Everyone’s life is disrupted. The virus is more contagious and deadly than anyone had expected. There seems no end to how bad things can become. In times of mortal danger, existential anxiety looms larger than our common worries. It takes nothing less than a resilience revolution to defeat the pandemic. In this special issue, I want to share with my readers a bold vision for positive change, and a few helpful road signs for moving forward with courage and hope. A great deal of helpful information has been provided by the World Health Organization (WHO), the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), and other academic resources on social distancing, self- isolation, and anxiety reduction (e.g., Goodyear & Falendar, 2020). However, what is missing from all these guidelines is the resilience factor—how we can become stronger as a result of the existential crisis that confronts all of us. Growth in the aftermath of trauma and suffering has been much elaborated in psychology literature (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 1995; Tedeschi, Park, & Calhoun, 1998; Wong & Wong, 2012). The existential crisis of COVID-19 might save humanity from their mindless pursuits of pleasure and save the environment from more pollution by challenging us to reflect on how we should live and how we can become better and stronger people. Existential positive psychology (PP 2.0) emphasizes human agency and the need for resilience to overcome obstacles and live a meaningful life (Frankl, 1985; Robbins & Friedman, 2011). From this positive perspective, the existential crisis may trigger the search for meaning. The preventive measure of self-isolation may provide much needed time to discover your true self—perhaps, even to follow your deepest yearnings to become what you were meant to be. In other words, instead of shrinking your life, you may actually expand and enrich your life through meaning, making COVID-19 a life-changing crisis (Frankl, 1985).

The Positive Transformation of the Hero’s Journey Another way to understand this positive transformation is the hero’s journey according to Jung (1946/1983) and Campbell (1949/2008). The sudden disruption of life in an unexpected way can be viewed as part of the uncertainty and perils inherent in the human condition. The descent into the abyss actually sets the stage for the subsequent ascent and return to the upper world, with the hero regenerated and transformed. Campbell described a hero’s journey as:

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“A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.” (p. 23)

Different from mainstream psychology, which favors the reductionist cognitive-behavioural aspect, the humanistic-existential tradition is more holistic and inclusive of the spiritual, mythological account of the best aspects of humanity, commonly referred to as the soul. For example, James Hillman and colleagues (1979) emphasized that the soul naturally holds the potential for fulling our unique callings, much as an acorn is destined to become an oak tree. Similarly, Cottinghan (2020) is explicit about soul as the spiritual aspect of personality and as the root cause of the human quest for meaning:

“To say we have a soul is partly to say that we humans, despite all our flaws, are fundamentally oriented towards the good. We yearn to rise above the waste and futility that can so easily drag us down and, in the transformative human experiences and practices we call ‘spiritual’, we glimpse something of transcendent value and importance that draws us forward. In responding to this call, we aim to realise our true selves, the selves we were meant to be. This is what the search for the soul amounts to; and it is here, if there is a meaning to human life, that such meaning must be sought.”

Frankl (1985) pointed out that this primary need for meaning has been buried by more earthly concerns and distractions, but our spirit or soul may be awakened by suffering. From this rich literature that celebrates the triumphant human spirit and from my own meaning research and practice (Wong, 2012a), there is sufficient reason to suggest that paradoxically, COVID-19 may be good for humanity in the long run. As a clinical psychologist, I can readily suggest a few practical tips on how to cope with COVID- 19 in a transformative manner, as shown in Figure 1. This paper introduces Viktor Frankl’s concept of tragic optimism as the framework for resilience and positive transformation. Yes, you can do much better than just protecting your life from the virus; you can rise above it and become better and stronger, if you can apply Frankl’s wisdom to your own life.

Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 47

Figure 1 Could Anything Good Come from COVID-19?

Viktor Frankl’s Concept of Tragic Optimism Frankl (1985) describes his concept of tragic optimism in the following way:

I speak of tragic optimism, that is, an optimism in the face of tragedy and in view of the human potential which at its best always allows for: (1) turning suffering into a human achievement and accomplishment; (2) deriving from guilt the opportunity to change oneself for the better; and (3) deriving from life’s transitoriness an incentive to take responsible action. (p. 162)

In the above quote, he assured us that suffering could be good for you if you had the right understanding and the right attitude. I want to briefly discuss the three main points that could empower you to transform your trials and tribulations into a hero’s journey, as described earlier. After Hong Kong went through the SARS crisis in 2003, I was invited by the hospital authority of Hong Kong in 2004 to speak on spiritual and compassionate care (Wong, 2004). My keynote was based on Viktor Frankl’s (1985) tragic optimism. It was gratifying that this address turned out to be very impactful because I was invited back several times to speak to all the major hospitals and universities in Hong Kong. Thus, it is only natural for me to return to same topic on coping with the present COVID-19 crisis, but with deeper understanding. Frankl survived Nazi death camps and proved that tragic optimism worked even in situations much worse than what we have now. I, too, have both experienced and demonstrated the power of unrelenting optimism (Wong, 2007; Wong, 2019). Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 48

Here are the three principles of tragic optimism:

First, Accept the Present Suffering as an Opportunity for Heroic Achievement Yes, even if you feel that you have not yet accomplished anything important in life, COVID- 19 provides a rare opportunity to bring out your inner hero. Yes, even when you feel that you are in the deepest hell, you can still survive and thrive, but only if you can find some meaning in your suffering. Whether it is for your family, your mission, or your need to overcome, this simple re- orientation from self-concern to something worth suffering for will direct you from the abyss to the hilltop of heroism (Wong, 2012). When you find your life totally disrupted, consider it as death to all that is wrong and an opportunity for rebirth and transformation. As Viktor Frankl describes in his book Man’s Search for Meaning (1985), you can choose to become your best by making some changes in your life and live as if you are living a second time. You are no longer satisfied with going about your daily business without thinking about the deeper meaning of life. You may begin to reflect on your recurrent dreams and yearnings; you may begin to search for some value greater than yourself, such as caring for your family and serving your “neighbours.” Once your soul or healthy inner core is awakened, it will not be silenced:

“There is something within us that is always reaching forward, that refuses to rest content with the utilitarian routines of our daily existence, and yearns for something not yet achieved that will bring healing and completion.” (Cottinghan, 2020)

Suffering is no long painful once seen as a willing sacrifice out of love and service (Frankl, 1985). Furthermore, meaning needs to include sacrifice in the service of the common good, which also brings us an immense sense of satisfaction and gratitude, which could not be experienced in material things or physical pleasures. Throughout the history of coping with epidemics, the Christian church has a history of sacrificial care for the people. For example, in 1527:

“When the bubonic plague hit Wittenberg, Martin Luther refused calls to flee the city and protect himself. Rather, he stayed and ministered to the sick. The refusal to flee cost his daughter Elizabeth her life...it is better that we should die serving our neighbor than surrounded in a pile of masks we never got a chance to use.” (Stone, 2020) Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 49

This hero’s quest for meaning is a double blessing. On the one hand, you are on an upward trajectory, as we strive towards a higher ground. On the other hand, you also feel good from helping your neighbors. In a way, you will be in a no-lose situation on the hero’s quest. Even if you live a sacrificial life and fail to achieve any earthly success, you can still have the satisfaction of living a meaningful life (Wong, 2012). Properly understood, the meaning quest is a spiritual journey to discover and satisfy the deepest yearning of your soul. Therefore, you can experience inner peace and mature happiness (Wong & Bowers, 2018) in the midst of difficulties and suffering as you pursue meaning and self-transcendence (Wong, 2014; 2016). Here is another way to describe this transformed life:

“The good life is not one that is achieved through momentary pleasures or defensive illusions, but through meeting suffering head on and transforming it into opportunities for meaning, wisdom, and growth, with the ultimate objective being the development of the person into a fully- functioning, mature being.” (Emmons, 2003, p. 156)

Second, Channel Your Negative Emotions into the Motivation for Positive Change COVID-19 deals us a double whammy: Not only does it deprive us of many usual sources of happiness and create a hole in our lives, but it also fills this hole with all kinds of fears and worries. Negative emotions can be just as contagious as the virus. Are you sick and tired of feeling hopeless and helpless? Are you troubled by shame and guilt for wasted time and past mistakes? Are you tired of trying to stay optimistic in the midst of doom and gloom? Frankl suggests that you can channel these negative emotions into determination for positive change. The first principle spells out how the search for meaning and the creative work of serving the common good can transform the decent to hell into a hero’s triumph. The second principle spells out how you can harness the negative motivation to make your life better by appreciating whatever life offers and learn to improve yourself in whatever way you can. Instead of worrying about all the things beyond your control, why not enjoy all the small delights that life freely offers? Why not be grateful for the fresh air you breathe? Why not be filled with awe and joy as you savor the glorious sunset or look up at the starry sky? Why not immerse yourself with beautiful music? Instead of wasting your time fretting in restless boredom, why not make optimal use of your time to improve yourself? The internet offers resources for you to learn mindful meditation, yoga, and all kinds of exercises to improve your health; it also offers resources to increase your knowledge, skills, and inner resources. Maybe now is the time for you to pursue what you have always dreamed of. Instead of complaining about isolation and loneliness, why not spend time renewing relationships with your friends and spending more quality time with your family (e.g., over Skype)? One clear benefit of a prolonged lockdown or self-isolation is that we begin to appreciate the truth that other people matter, as Chris Peterson used to emphasize (Park, Oates, & Schwarzer, 2013). More importantly, the age of COVID-19 teaches us that we are part of the ecology (Lewis, 2012). Be grateful for the opportunity provided by COVID-19. Don't procrastinate. Today is the time for you to start making baby steps to become your best self. Solitude can open up new vistas of life. Whether Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 50 you go for a walk in the park, read a spiritual book, or listen to music, you may rediscover the joy that you seldom experience during the usual hectic pace of life.

Third, Recognize that Being Aware of Life’s Finiteness Makes You Take Responsibility for Your Life

Yalom (2008) used to say that the idea of death can save many lives. A key concept of existential psychology is that death anxiety can fuel our motivation to take responsible action to live and die well. As a free agent, you can either choose to remain a miserable victim, or to choose to aim high and make the world a better place for you and others. Neither the government nor any other person can make that decision; only you and you alone can decide what to do with your life, especially at a critical junction of your journey. Life is short and fragile, but as long as you can breathe, you have the capacity to implement the first two principles of tragic optimism to make life better. Many of life's problems can also attribute to the failure to accept responsibility at both the personal level and government level. Peck (1978/2012) had this to say in his bestselling book The Road Less Travelled:

“Most people who come to see a psychiatrist are suffering from what is called either a neurosis or a character disorder. Put most simply, these two conditions are disorders of responsibility.... The reason for this is that the problem of distinguishing what we are and what we are not responsible for in this life is one of the greatest problems of human existence.”

COVID-19 has helped people, who used to be divided on political, religious, or racial grounds, come together. We are now facing a common enemy, which may devour all of us unless we are united in combating this invisible monster, which could be lurking anywhere. In a well-connected global village, we are all our neighbor’s keepers, and one person’s unhealthy behavior can adversely affect countless others. That is why the responsible use of freedom is essential for survival and wellbeing at both the individual and societal level. The rising global death toll and the deepening economic crisis may make us feel like we are living in an apocalypse. But hopefully, it may also mean the end of our ignorance, complacency, and pride and the beginning of a new era of humble soul-searching and accepting responsibilities to make the world a better place for all.

Conclusion

From a positive perspective, the worst of times can also be the best of times. COVID-19 may indeed be a time of grace for us to change our attitudes and behaviors for the greater good: “People need to have a sense of urgent optimism. The future can inspire wonder, awe, and hope” (Gorbis, 2016). The disintegration of the old ways of life, coupled with the challenge of facing an uncertain and gloomy future, should provide the needed impetus to create new values and rise from the ashes like a phoenix. The above three principles of Frankl’s tragic optimism can equip us with the true grit and wisdom to reaffirm inherent human dignity and value and pursue the ideal of living a meaningful and resilient life. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 51

To summarize the above, here is my song of life in the face of death:

Why you Need the "Deep and Wide" Hypothesis of Negative Affect to Complement the "Broaden and Build" Model of Positive Affect

Just imagine yourself being detained in prison indefinitely without any justification. You may imagine further that your daily routine consists of being abused by the guards, and your appeal for justice has been rejected more than 100 times. What do you do under such circumstances? Can you depend on positive emotions to build your resources, when your dominant feelings are anger, frustration, and despair? If it is not longer possible to generate enough positive emotions to undo the overwhelming negative ones, how can you maintain the energy and optimism to go on living productively in that condition? That is where Frankl's concept of tragic optimism and Amsel's theory of generalized persistence come in. The key to your survival and thriving is the virtue of endurance. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 52

The advantage of the positivity bias in enhancing wellbeing and reducing psychopathology has been well documented (Hoorens, 2014). I am proposing that the only way we can still maintain a positivity bias is by cultivating the virtue of endurance, which involves a number of skills, such as learned persistence endurance (Nation et al., 1979; Wong, 2006), learned industriousness (Eisenberger, 1992), and learned resourcefulness (Rosenbaum, 1989, 1990). One of the downsides of living a privileged life of happiness and success is low frustration tolerance or the lack of mental and emotional tolerance, resulting in low perseverance. At present, many people suffer from quarantine fatigue and want to take their chances of going to their favourite activities, even when it may endanger their own lives and those of other people. That is why we need to help train people that have low frustration tolerance to develop a high frustration tolerance stress threshold. This will result in lower levels of psychological distress, thus making it easier for positive emotions to co-exist (Folkman & Moskowitz, 2000) as in the case of mature happiness (Wong & Bowers, 2018). The other benefit of the virtue of tolerance and endurance is that it enables people to dig deeper into their resources and search wider for opportunities, thus, increasing the likelihood of discovering a solution or achieving a victory. This benefit is expressed by the saying that “necessity is the mother of all inventions”. There are many ways to cultivate the virtue of endurance. Realistic thinking from REBT (Ellis & Dryden, 1987) would be a good start. Acceptance training as in mindfulness is another promising way (Wang et al., 2019). Imagination can help in resourceful training (Akgun, 2004). Gradually increasing the difficulty or demand in any learning situation would increase industriousness (Eisenberger, 1992; Wong, 2006). What holds you back from success is not the situation, but your lack of endurance and persistence. If you give up, that would be the end of your dream. Only perseverance, industriousness, and resourcefulness can eventually get you to where you want to go. The process may not be pleasant or enjoyable, but that is the only way for you to achieve some measure of success and positive affect.

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Chapter 5 | Lesson on Belief and Hope

We need hope as much as we need light in the darkest night.

We need hope as much as we need air to stay alive.

Therefore, choose to believe in hope. As long as there is hope, everything is possible:

• Hope drives away fear and anxiety. • Hope rises above despair and depression. • Hope overcomes all obstacles and enemies. • Hope enables you to endure hardships and pain. • Hope opens your eyes to discover that there is something in life that is worth fighting for. • Hope awakens your soul to see the beauty, goodness and truth in cruel world. • Hope always says Yes to life and No to death.

Science has shown that optimism is the most powerful motivation for us to move forward and maintain our mental health. The important role of hope in maintaining one’s wellbeing and health has been well documented (Snyder, 2000). It is difficult to conceive how we can maintain hope and confidence in the face of bleak prospects without faith, be it religious faith, trust in others, or self- confidence. In short, one cannot survive without faith or belief. Once you lose faith in yourself or in humanity, you will be overwhelmed by waves of hopelessness and helplessness, which will make you more vulnerable to depression or suicide. Faith enables you to attempt the impossible and take the first step to embark on a long and dangerous journey. A person of faith is a person of unshakable confidence and unwavering determination. . Tolstoy wrote: “Faith is the sense of life, that sense by virtue of which man does not destroy himself, but continues to live on. It is the force whereby we live.” Therefore, do not lose faith in Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 54 your own agency, in humanity, or in God. As long as you keep the faith and believe in hope, you will be unstoppable. Yes, everything is possible with faith and hope.

We need all kinds of hope to fully benefit from its power.

Please complete the following Hope Checklist with a Yes or No answer and briefly write down the reason for your answer:

Hope Checklist

1. I believe in God and prayer. Yes / No 2. I have confidence in science. Yes / No 3. I have trust in the help from others. Yes / No 4. I have confidence in my own efficacy. Yes / No 5. I believe that good will prevail over evil. Yes / No 6. I believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel, only if I persevere. Yes / No 7. I believe that I can always improve myself and become my best. Yes / No 8. I believe that I will achieve a breakthrough if I don't give up. Yes / No 9. I believe that life is meaningful no matter how difficult the circumstances. Yes / No 10. I believe that love can conquer everything, if I am not afraid of sacrifice. Yes / No 11. I believe in karma and the merit of doing good. Yes / No 12. I believe in the legacy of my ancestors. Yes / No 13. I believe that there is power in being united around a good cause or fighting together Yes / No against a common enemy. 14. I believe that kindness, forgiveness, and gratitude could strengthen human relations. Yes / No 15. I believe in the wisdom of nature. We can survive if we follow nature's way. Yes / No 16. I believe that my government can make life better collectively. Yes / No 17. I believe in social responsibility and communal efforts. Yes / No 18. I believe in a better future. Yes / No

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The Life Attitudes Scale Leung, M., Steinfort, T., Vroon, E. J., & Wong, P. T. P. (2002) Please indicate the degree which each item reflects your attitude toward life. (Note: In order to maintain the integrity of the Strongly Agree Disagree Strongly study all questions must be answered in order to Agree Disagree save your results.)

1 When times get really tough, someone or SA A D SD something will come through for me 2 In times of crisis, I tend to consider the SA A D SD needs of others before I consider my own needs 3 Faith in a higher power makes it easier to SA A D SD endure pain 4 In times of great tragedy, the opportunity to SA A D SD sacrifice myself for the common good makes my pain more bearable 5 I have faith that eventually justice will SA A D SD prevail, even though at times it seems hopeless 6 I will pursue my life goals no matter how SA A D SD much they will cost me 7 There is a dark and evil side to every person SA A D SD 8 I believe in a higher power SA A D SD 9 Life is full of setbacks SA A D SD 10 Putting my fate in God’s hands has helped SA A D SD me gain peace in my life 11 Being an example to others motivates me to SA A D SD endure hardships 12 Living for others helps me rise above my SA A D SD own problems 13 It is inevitable that people will let me down SA A D SD 14 Even though reality is grim, I believe a SA A D SD miracle could happen 15 My life has purpose because I have a unique SA A D SD calling or mission Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 56

16 I can endure great suffering in this life SA A D SD because I know my reward will be great in the next life 17 We will never get rid of war, terrorism, or SA A D SD tragedy 18 My life is worth living no matter how many SA A D SD problems I have 19 My suffering decreases whenever I reach out SA A D SD to help others 20 I can move forward with confidence, even if SA A D SD most people don’t approve of my life goals 21 I want to contribute to the well-being of SA A D SD others in spite of my own unfortunate circumstances 22 My life is fragile, and could end at any time SA A D SD 23 Even when I am at the end of my rope, I still SA A D SD believe that God will come to my rescue 24 Even if I were stripped of everything, I still SA A D SD believe that my life is precious 25 In times of tragedy, I am willing to sacrifice SA A D SD my own safety for the safety of others 26 Life has intrinsic value, regardless of SA A D SD circumstances 27 Life is worth living no matter how difficult SA A D SD or painful it is 28 I’d rather die fighting for something I SA A D SD believe in than play safe 29 Even though this life is very painful, I SA A D SD believe there is a better life beyond this one 30 I am willing to face horrible consequences in SA A D SD order to do what is right 31 I have been put on this earth for a reason SA A D SD 32 I find satisfaction in helping others, even in SA A D SD the midst of my own suffering

Note: The Life attitudes scale is called Life Attitude Scale during administration.

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Faith Checklist

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Viktor Frankl, the Prophet of Hope Viktor Frankl, one of the most influential psychotherapists of the last century, continues to appeal to the new generation. His prophetic voice still relevant in the age of COVID-19. The horror of Nazi death camps allowed Viktor Frankl (1985) to discover the power of tragic optimism (TO). He defined TO as “an optimism in the face of tragedy” (p.162). He made a compelling case that we can ‘say yes to life’ in spite of all the tragic aspects of human existence. After surviving the Holocaust. Frankl (1985) eloquently discussed the critical nature of attitude toward suffering. He would not endorse positive illusions or Pollyanarish optimism. To him, an optimistic attitude was literally a defiant stance to be embraced in the face of terror:

“He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp. Dostoevsky said once ‘There is one thing that I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings.’ These words frequently came to my mind after I became acquainted with those martyrs whose behavior in camp, whose suffering and death, bore witness to the fact that the last inner freedom cannot be lost. It can be said that they were worthy of their sufferings; the way they bore their suffering was a genuine inner achievement. It is this spiritual freedom – which can not be taken away – that makes life meaningful and purposeful.” (Frankl, 1985, p. 87)

I consider Frankl as a prophet of hope. The following passages from my chapter on Frankl (Wong, 2007) explains how TO is important for resilience and mature happiness:

"Unlike other kinds of hopes, TO cannot be crushed by adversities or catastrophes, because like true gold, it is purified in the crucible of suffering and rooted in an abiding inner value. Frankl (1985) aptly added: “The consciousness of one’s inner value is anchored in higher, more spiritual things, and cannot be shaken by camp life” (p. 83).

Components of Tragic Optimism

Based on Frankl’s writings, I have identified five essential components that comprise TO: (a) Affirmation of the meaning and value of life, regardless of circumstances, (b) Acceptance of what cannot be changed, (c) Self-transcendence in serving a higher purpose, (d) Faith or trust in God and others, (e) Courage to face adversity. These components can also be found in the clinical literature on trauma as well as the larger literature of humanities. Gabriel Marcel once said that “The only genuine hope is hope in what does not depend on ourselves, hope springing from humility and not from pride.” Frankl has personally demonstrated that we can restore hope in hopeless situations through surrendering to the calling of meaning. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 59

I have defined and refined the components of TO and demonstrated empirically the dialectic/paradoxical nature of TO: In our state of despair and helplessness, we discover the power of meaning and faith; in our brokenness, we hear the calling to bring healing to others; in our suffering, we encounter joy and serenity; and in our fears and vulnerability, we discover the defiant, heroic courage. The theory and research on tragic optimism answer many of the issues raised by Peterson (2000) and suggest a new direction for optimism research as well as for positive psychology. TO is in the vanguard of developing a mature positive psychology for all humanity, including the millions who are suffering and dying each day. Future directions in TO research should include implementing TO in developing countries (Wong, 2003), studying the defiant human spirit and courage (Wong, 1995), and applying TO in working with trauma victims and dying patients. Since TO serves as a prototype of mature positive psychology for the suffering masses, it warrants a closer look at the contribution of tragic optimism to mature happiness and personal growth in the midst of adversities and traumas."

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Chapter 6 | Lesson on Responsibility: You Need Relationships now More Than Ever

In a time of widespread lockdown, self-isolation, and physical distancing, it is more important than ever to manage marriage relationships well, which may be our most important source of support. Don't let the 10% of disagreement or dissatisfaction in your relationship destroy the other 90%. That 10% may break your heart over and over again, but that is how the light shines through. When stress hormones flood your body and shuts down the rational part of your brain, your response to questions may be harsh in tone and you may react to criticisms with anger. In times of this, only spiritual reflection can tame the animal instinct in us. Mindfulness and prayer may grant us the grace we badly need to appreciate and forgive each other. Life is not a matter of black or white, but a mixture of both. A good life rests on your ability to embrace the inevitable dark side of relationships and transform it into something beautiful. The government stay-home order to contain COVID-19 creates both a crisis and opportunity for couples. Being together 24 hours a day could create both conflicts and time for intimate conversations. That is why we have the responsibility to learn how to stay together, rather than give up on each other in spite of all the pressures and conflicts. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 61

No one is perfect; therefore, no marriage is perfect. That is why existential positive psychology or PP 2.0 teaches that we must take the good with the bad, embrace and enjoy each other–warts and all– by practicing the basic yin-yang principle of holding positives and negatives with two open hands simultaneously at all times. In other words, we need to focus on each other's strengths and desirable aspects; but that does not make our weaknesses go away. The good news is that we all can repair our broken pieces and improve ourselves daily. We also need to encourage each other for such efforts of personal growth, even though we can never be perfect.

Responsibility Scale Paul T. P. Wong & Gokmen Arslan Please reflect for a few minutes and respond to the following statements as truthfully and accurately as you can by circling the appropriate answer according to the following scale: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Strongly Disagree Moderately Neither Moderately Agree Strongly Disagree Disagree Agree nor Agree Agree Disagree

1. I always manage to get things done as promised rather than making 1 2 3 4 5 6 excuses. 7 2. When I am responsible for something, I always find ways to get it 1 2 3 4 5 6 done even without the necessary resources and help. 7 3. I am responsible to do my part to make the world a better place. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 4. I am conscientious in whatever I do, big or small. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 5. I have responsibility for my family, society, the world, and planet 1 2 3 4 5 6 earth to the extent of my ability and influence. 7 6. I discipline myself to make the best use of my time doing 1 2 3 4 5 6 meaningful things. 7 7. I am morally accountable for how I treat others. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8. I am accountable for all my decisions and actions. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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Chapter 7 | Lesson on Appreciation– The Magic Power of Gratitude: You better believe it!

How can I keep being positive when everything goes wrong? How can I be happy when thousands of people are dying? True, very true. I hear you and share your sadness. But I want challenge you to entertain the possibility that there is a magical power in gratitude. You all know that gratitude is the most robust positive psychology intervention, but its real power has not been really tested empirically. When the whole world is enveloped in dark clouds, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by when you willingly decide to experience the magic of gratitude. Let’s me share a little bit of my experience. I was once kept in an isolation room because I was infected with a very contagious virus in the hospital during my stay after a surgical procedure. No visitor was allowed in my room. How did I spend my days in complete solitude? Apart from my creative writing, prayer, and meditation, I spent a lot of time counting God’s blessings. Yes, I even tried to write a poem about God’s grace and blessings in my life. The simple exercise of counting my blessings magically transformed my mood from sadness to gratitude and joy. That’s magical.

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“Gratitude is About the Origin” The above quote is from Robert Emmons, the foremost authority on gratitude in the entire world. The gist of that quote is that gratitude comes from recognizing the origin of all things good in our lives. No matter how bad the circumstances, there are still many good things for which we can give thanks for. There is an origin, a source for all the good things we enjoy – food, medicine, friends, and even life itself. It is a simple matter of changing our focus. We only see what we focus on. If we focus on the good things in life, we can always find them. The second step is to appreciate the good things, until our heart is full of gratitude and joy. Most people do not realize that Viktor Frankl recognized that concept many years ago; that the second enduring value or meaning in life is to experience life with appreciation – whether it comes in the form of social interactions, food on the table, or wearing something warm. All good things come from somewhere. Even all the good aspects of unpleasant, even painful experiences come from somewhere; they come from our awareness of the benefits of suffering in helping us to grow – psychologically and spiritually. Frankl like to cite Nietzsche that “What does not us make us stronger.” This is just one of the paradoxical truths of existential positive psychology (PP 2.0) as illustrated in figure 1.

Figure 1 Paradoxical Truths of Existential Positive Psychology

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Different Types of Gratitude It is difficult to fully understand gratitude. In fact, we can never know for sure whether gratitude was part of our nature or planted in our heart by our parents. Let’s assume that there are different types of gratitude as shown in figure 2.

Figure 2 A 4-Factor Model of Gratitude

Even if you are an atheist, you can still consider what magic might happen if you thank God as the creator of all life and the source of all the blessings we simply take for granted, from the fresh air to the rain and the sun. Here is a brief list of things we can thank God for (figure 3):

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Figure 3 A list of things that we can thank God for

This existential gratitude eventually brings us back to God as illustrated in figure 4.

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Figure 4 The Origins of Existential Gratitude

Gratitude Exercises The most popular gratitude exercise is Martin Seligman’s Three Good Things (e.g. https://happyproject.in/three-good-things/ ). It may be difficult to find three good things each day when you find yourself in a “hellhole”, but it always possible to discover three hidden blessings in all the problems you have to endure. Try the following existential gratitude exercises: • Discover three opportunities in today’s troubled world. • Express thanks to someone who still cares for you in difficult times. • Feel grateful that you still have the gift of life, because as long as you can breathe, there is always hope. • Give thanks that this disaster brings out the generosity and altruism in so many people. • Feel grateful for all the frontline healthcare workers who risk their own lives to care for others. • Feel grateful for our government, who are able to take care of their citizens and rally all the resources in the mortal combat against the pandemic. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 67

I bet you will feel much better after doing the above exercise for just 3 minutes a day. That is the magic power of gratitude.

Existential Gratitude Scale This survey is developed to assess the level of existential gratitude. Please read each statement and indicate to what extent each item characterizes your own life. You may respond by circling / clicking the appropriate number according to the following scale: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Completely Disagree Somewhat Neither Somewhat Agree Completely disagree disagree agree nor agree agree disagree

1. My life is full of hardships and suffering, but I can still count my blessings.

2. I am grateful for my life even in times of suffering.

3. I am resentful that life has treated me unfairly.

4. I am grateful that my inner resources have increased as a result of overcoming adversities. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 68

5. I wish that I had never been born.

6. I am grateful for the people in my life, even for those who have caused me much pain.

7. I still feel bitter for all the bad experiences that have happened to me.

8. I am thankful that I have something to live for, even though life has been very hard for me.

9. I am grateful that every crisis represents an opportunity for me to grow.

10. I give thanks at the end of each day, even when nothing went my way.

11. I have learned the importance of gratitude through suffering.

12. I am grateful that suffering has strengthened my faith and character.

13. In desperate times, I am grateful for my faith that I will overcome.

Items 3, 5, and 7 need to be reverse coded before calculating a mean score for Existential Gratitude

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Chapter 8 | Lesson on Meaning: What is the Meaning of Life?

What is the meaning of life, when you are confined to a room or a bed and struggling with every breath?

What is the point of living, when so many people are dying and you may not see another sunrise?

Is life nothing more than just breathing? More than mere feeding and elimination? More than being kept alive by machines?

These questions kept me awake even when my body needed sleep. The answers came to me in a lucid dream.

Several old friends smiled at me, reminding me of the good time together, They came from different period of time.

I recalled the exciting moments, of my first degree, first love, first job, and what I had done for others.

I remembered the happy day, when I first heard God's call, and many answered prayers.

Most of the meaningful moments, were hidden deep in my memory, and filled my heart with tears and joy.

The meaning of life can be found, in those precious moments and, the knowledge that I am not alone. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 70

Meaning Management Theory and Death Acceptance It is okay to be anxious about death, but it is better to manage it productively. Every day, we learn about people dying from this mysterious killer–COVID-19. Nobody knows for sure how to prevent it, let alone how to cure it. Each time you step outside your home, you may get infected. The best we can do is though social distancing and not touching anything that has been touched by other people. It is perfectly understandable why people are scared, and death anxiety has increased dramatically since January 2020. But paradoxically, the prospect of death may also awaken your sleeping soul and make you alive to the true value of life. You may begin to seriously consider such questions like:

"What should I do with the time I still have, so that I will not be regretful when I die?" "What ideal do I want to achieve with my death, if I were granted the magical powers to accomplish one death wish?"

Consider the above questions as an exercise to discover your meaning and value in life. Here are some passages about how to accept your mortality by using your strengths to live each day fully:

"If we have lived a meaningful life and achieved ego-integrity (Erikson, 1982), we are able to face death without fear However, when we have too many regrets and a profound sense of failure and despair, then death is feared, because of the fear that we have never really lived when death beckons us (Tomer & Eliason, 2006a, Wong, 2000). By accepting our mortality, we declare our intention to invest our energy and time in living the good life rather than defending ourselves against the inevitable death. Ideally, death acceptance should set us free from anxiety and energize us to live with vitality and purpose. By the same token, when we have lived a wonderful life and completed our life’s mission, we would be prepared to face death. Ultimately, death acceptance is one of the cornerstones for the good life. However, we can never be completely free from death anxiety. As we grow older, we brace ourselves for the bad news with every annual physical checkup. With aging parents, we are always prepared for their death and burial. Somehow, the specter of death is always hovering over us, reminding us of our mortality. No matter how we rationalize or think about death, our instinctive reaction is rarely one of unalloyed joy. The relationships between death acceptance and death fear are complex and dynamic. They may co-exist under some circumstances like a raining cloud in an otherwise blue and sunny sky. That is why death acceptance and death anxiety are not simply opposites (Ray & Najman; 1974; Tomer & Eliason, 2006b; Wong et al, 1994). In sum, we are all confronted with two fundamental psychological tasks: to protect ourselves against the terrors of loss and death (e.g., managing death anxiety) and to pursue the Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 71 good life of living meaningfully and abundantly (e.g., managing death acceptance). These twin tasks of living well and dying well are interconnected in important ways because of the intimate relationships between the meanings of life and the meanings of death. This chapter makes the case that the most promising way to achieve these two major psychological tasks is through managing the meanings of life and death. The positive and proactive tendency to create a happy and meaningful life serves a growth-oriented function. The positive individuals would be willing to confront the crisis and create opportunities for personal development. Their tendency is to take on the difficult tasks and risk even death in order to achieve some significant life goals, such as competencies, self-efficacy, creativity or a higher purpose. When individuals are primarily propelled by an irresistible urge towards self- actualization and fulfillment, then less energy is invested in defensive mechanisms, even though death anxiety may still be present. Therefore, meaning-management theory predicts that if one wants to live a vital and meaningful life, it is better to focus on the positive tendency of personal growth rather than on defensive mechanisms against death fear. MMT also predicts that the best way to reduce death anxiety is to facilitate death acceptance and positive tendencies."

The above passage is cited from Wong, P. T. P. (2007). Meaning management theory and death acceptance. In A. Tomer, E. Grafton, & P. T. P. Wong (Eds.), Existential and spiritual issues in death attitudes (pp. 65-87). New York, NY: Erlbaum.

What are the Stages of Grieving? The experience of loss or death is an inevitable aspect of life. Any loss is painful– whether it is the loss of a family pet or the death of a loved one. Since nothing in life is permanent, every relationship and every life will end in death, even if everything is perfect. The stronger the attachment or bond, the greater the pain when it ends. What is the most helpful way to grieve the loss? My 4-stage model focuses on the transformation process through meaning. Hope that you can gain some understanding of productive grieving:

“(1) Mourning the loss: This involves primarily the affective process, which begins with numbness and shock, moving through the roller-coaster ride of intense emotions, and finally settling into a subdued and serene sense of sadness. This process is not linear; however, the cycles may become less frequent and less intense. Recalling and reliving the positive moments may mitigate against the feelings of loss. Often, grieving involves many emotions, such as guilt, anger, shame, regrets, hostility, and sadness. Clarifying emotions is part of the process. Sorting out and reconciling conflicting feelings contribute to recovery. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 72

(2) Accepting the loss: This is the most basic and most complex task. To accept the finality of the loss, the process occurs not just at the cognitive level, but also at the social, behavioral, existential, spiritual, and emotional levels. Cognitive acceptance involves more than an intellectual understanding that death is final; it also requires some level of cognitive resolution to reduce instances of intrusive thoughts and ruminations. Spiritual acceptance may involve establishing a spiritual connection with the deceased and experiencing an inner vision of a spiritual union. Emotional acceptance may be most difficult to achieve when the initial emotional attachment is very strong, even when there is a replacement for the attachment. One can truly let go, only when one has achieved acceptance at the emotional level.

(3) Adjusting to the loss: This involves the process of making a series of mental and behavioral changes to adapt to the new dynamics within the family and in the larger social network. It also involves working through personal and interpersonal issues, such as forgiveness of self and others, resolving interpersonal conflicts, and re-establishing some relationships.

(4) Transforming the loss: This process is fundamental to recovery. It moves from struggling with the loss to incorporating it into the new reality and future plans, such as redefining one’s self-identity and life goals. This process will involve reinvesting one’s psychological energy, making new friends, developing new plans, and engaging in productive activities.

Basically, it involves the discovery of new meanings and the reconstruction of existing meaning structures. It requires the re-authoring of one’s life story. In short, it provides not only a new perspective for the loss but also for narratives of one’s past and future. I consider this transformation necessary for grief resolution, restoration, and personal growth.”

The above passage is cited from Wong, P. T. P. (2008). Transformation of grief through meaning: Meaning-centered counseling for bereavement. In A. Tomer, G. T. Eliason, & P. T. P. Wong (Eds.), Existential and spiritual issues in death attitudes (pp. 375-396). New York, NY: Erlbaum.

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The Other Side of Sadness

In the last few days, I have been grieving the death of my friend and first Ph.D. student George Dimistroff (Ashburnham Funeral Home, 2020). It must have been a difficult way to die alone in the intensive care unit without having a chance to say a final goodbye to his dear wife Sheila and his children. Life would be very difficult in the days ahead for his family without George. A vital part of their lives was suddenly ripped apart from them by a strange and evil disease. But all that we truly want in life is on the other side of suffering, I have always maintained that concept all throughout my research career. I am glad that Dr. Bonano's (2010) research supports my thesis. His research also concludes that grieving can actually lead to a new sense of meaning in life, but he did not articulate the transformative process of grief. The following passages are cited from my paper Transformation of grief through Meaning: Meaning-Cenered Counseling for Bereavement (2008):

"Meaning management is essential to this transformative process. In order to move forward, we have to somehow reconstruct our meaning-systems in order to adapt to different set of realities following bereavement. This evolution of meaning in response to loss continues so that we can maintain some sense of coherence in the midst of change and loss. We can experience positive changes, when the dead are weaved into the fabric of life, and the past is integrated with the future as the basis for self-identity. Meaning-Centered Counseling (MCC) emphasizes the transcendental function of grief, which awakens one’s spiritual and existential yearnings, and spurs one to rise above the painful experiences of mourning. Recovery always involves the reconstructing of painful and sorrowful experiences through the transformation of assigned meanings. One can never go back to the past. Therefore, recovery does not mean a return to the normal life before the bereavement. True recovery actually means that the bereaved person has found new meaning and purpose, which enables the person to reach a higher level of maturity. In C. S. Lewis’s A Grief Observed (1961), he documents the transformation from overwhelming grief and anger at God to a new understanding of God and life. Such transformation can happen to anyone who is open to the spiritual reality beyond the physical realm. There is no medicine, no magic, and no logic to expel the affliction of bereavement. The only hope is to transform it into a poem, a song, or a story that makes us feel like human beings again. That tender feeling of love and liberty makes life worth living in the wasteland of death. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 74

Even when everything is taken away from us, and when we are dying alone, we can hear the angels singing, and feel the peace from heaven. I take great comfort in the promise of Jesus: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4, The Bible, NIV). Healing is a gift, because it can neither be purchased nor manufactured, no matter how resourceful we are. It remains shrouded in mystery, maybe because its origin is spiritual and transcendental. However, we do know that we are likely to receive this gift, when we stretch our hands heavenward in our brokenness. The blessings of grieving constitute part of positive existential psychology or mature positive psychology (Wong, 2001a), which includes such phenomena as meaning-based post-traumatic growth (Wong, 2003b) and tragic optimism (Wong, 2001b). The rigor of positive psychology research coupled with the profound concepts of existential psychotherapy can break new grounds in achieving a more hopeful understanding of grieving and healing. I want to conclude by quoting from Ringma (2000) who eloquently expanded on the idea of the gift of healing:

“Nouwen suggests that ‘finding new life through suffering and death: that is the good news.’ Christ’s death mirrors precisely that message. Suffering may seem senseless, but it need not have the last word. New hope can spring up from the ruins of previous expectations and plans. New life can come from the greatest disappointments. But this can only come if we embrace the pain of our dashed hope and grieve our losses to the point of relinquishment. It is at that place, with nothing in our hands, that good gifts will come our way.” (p. 128)

In the final analysis, grieving is the pain of letting go of love. Grieving is also the pain of searching for what has been lost. In the process, we discover something far more precious than we ever knew. Indeed, blessed are the broken hearted, for they will find healing and transformation. This chapter proposes that the good grief can set us free and make us grow."

Personal Meaning Profile © Paul T. P. Wong, 1998 This questionnaire measures people’s perception of personal meaning in their lives. Generally, a meaningful life involves a sense of purpose and personal worthiness. However, people often differ in what endows their lives with meaning. The following statements describe potential sources of personal meaning. Please read each statement carefully and indicate to what extent it characterizes a source of meaning in your own life. You may respond by circling the appropriate number according to the following scale:

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Or as in Wong & Fry, The Human Quest for Meaning Edition 1: This questionnaire measures people’s perception of personal meaning in their lives. Generally, a meaningful life involves a sense of purpose and personal significance. However, people often differ in what they value most, and they have different ideas as to what would make life worth living. The following statements describe potential sources of meaningful life. Please read each statement carefully and indicate to what extent each item characterizes your own life. You may respond by circling the appropriate number according to the following scale:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Not at all Moderately A great deal

For example, if going to parties does not contribute to your sense of personal meaning, you may circle 1 or 2. If taking part in volunteer work contributes quite a bit to the meaning in your life, you may circle 5 or 6. It is important that you answer honestly on the basis of your own experience and beliefs. 1. I have a good family life 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 2. I believe I can make a difference in the world 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 3. I am at peace with God 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 4. I have learned that setbacks and disappointments are an inevitable part of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 life 5. I believe that life has an ultimate purpose and meaning 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 6. I engage in creative work 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 7. I am successful in achieving my aspirations 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8. I pursue worthwhile objectives 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9. I strive to achieve my life goals 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10. I care about other people 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 11. I have someone to share intimate feelings with 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 12. I believe in the value of my pursuits 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 13. I seek to actualize my potentials 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 14. I have found that there is rough justice in this world 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 15. I strive to make this world a better place 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 16. I am at peace with myself 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 17. I have confidants to give me emotional support 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 18. I relate well to others 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 19. I have a sense of mission or calling 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 20. I seek to do God’s will 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 21. I like challenge 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 22. I believe that human life is governed by moral laws 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 23. It is important to dedicate my life to a cause 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 76

24. I take initiative 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 25. I am able to make full use of my abilities 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 26. I strive to do my best in whatever I am doing 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 27. I have a number of good friends 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 28. I am trusted by others 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 29. I am committed to my work 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 30. I have a purpose and direction in life 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 31. I seek higher values—values that transcend self-interests 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 32. I am highly regarded by others 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 33. I seek to glorify God 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 34. I am enthusiastic about what I do 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 35. Life has treated me fairly 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 36. I accept my limitations 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 37. I am at peace with my past 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 38. I have a mutually satisfying loving relationship 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 39. I have a sense of coherence and continuity in my life 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 40. I do not give up when I encounter setbacks or obstacles 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 41. I am altruistic and helpful 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 42. I am liked by others 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 43. I have found someone I love deeply 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 44. I strive toward personal growth 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 45. I bring happiness to others 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 46. I accept what cannot be changed 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 47. I am persistent and resourceful in attaining my goals 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 48. I value my work 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 49. I make a significant contribution to society 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 50. I contribute to the well-being of others 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 51. I believe in afterlife 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 52. I believe that one can have a personal relationship with God 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 53. I attempt to leave behind a good and lasting legacy 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 54. I believe that there is order and purpose in the universe 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 55. I am treated fairly by others 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 56. I have received my fair share of opportunities and rewards 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 57. I have learned to live with suffering and make the best of it 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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The New Search for Meaning Scale (SMS) 2019 Please reflect for a few minutes and respond to the following statements as truthfully and accurately as you can by circling the appropriate answer according to the following scale: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Strongly Disagree Moderately Neither Moderately Agree Strongly Disagree Disagree Agree nor Agree Agree Disagree

1. I am trying to understand why I have problems with close 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 relationships. 2. I am seeking confirmation for my mission or purpose in life. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 3. I am searching for reasons for living in order to survive my ordeal. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 4. I am struggling to understand why bad things happen to good 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 people. 5. I want to find out why I am not satisfied with my life. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 6. Search for the meaning of life is a total waste of time. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 7. I am seeking to grasp the meaning of suffering and death. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8. I want to find out what really matters in every stage of my life. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9. I am always searching for ways to make a valuable contribution to 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 the world. 10. There is no point in striving, because life is so hard and so short. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 11. I am seeking to find my out what life demands of me. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 12. I am trying to figure out my rightful place in the world. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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Chapter 9 | Lesson on Mindfulness and the Power of Acceptance FEAR NOT! TAKE A DEEP BREATH!

Mindfulness is a natural response to dangers.

We are wired to freeze before we decide to fight or flight. The moment of "freezing" makes all the difference between life and death.

According to Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

You have the power to determine what to focus on and how to respond to any situation.

According my analysis of the evolution of coping (Wong, 1993), we have been evolved from "fight or flight" to more cognitive and more flexible ways to coping with dangers, such as using creative, proactive, collective, existential, and spiritual coping. Prayer and mindfulness are examples of spiritual coping (see http://growmindfulness.com/). But what is mindfulness? According to Berkeley's Center for the Greater Good (https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/mindfulness/definition):

"Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens. Mindfulness also involves acceptance, meaning that we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them—without believing, for instance, that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future."

Mindfulness can turn your fear into calmness and sadness into joy. But it does not come easy; you need to practice the following spiritual skills, represented by the acronym OCEAN:

Open-mindedness. Focus on the present with an open mind. Pay attention to the present moment, as life unfolds. Pay attention to what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch right now. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 79

Describe what the water tastes like when you drink it, or what you see when you regard the person who stands before you. Your ability to focus determines what you will find. Openness means the absence of biases and prejudice. Compassion. See others as people like you. We are all struggling with our problems. We are all on the same train, heading to the same destination–death. When you see others as members of the same family coping with the stress of life, your heart will sense compassion. Empathy. People are complicated and difficult to understand. When you feel annoyed with someone, remember that they may have their reasons for behaving that way. Others may feel the same way about you because they don't understand your intention and reason. Empathy simply means I try to understand you by trying to be in your shoes. Acceptance. Accept life as it is. Accept others as they are. Accept yourself, warts and all. (Please see write up on the power of acceptance.) Non-judgement. Take a deep breath and see what is going on without judgement. You can do that only by "self-detachment" or "self-distancing" according to Frankl. Look at each person with a fresh pair of eyes, without all the past baggage of painful memories, problem-saturated stories, and strong emotions of love or hate.

When you practice the above skills, you will find it easier to practice other skills included in BRAMMT. This may not make sense to you and contrary to what have learned about strength and happiness, but hear me out, and you may be pleasantly surprised. Did you know that there was a forbidden fruit after all, and the consequence of eating it was deadly? COVID-19 was a disaster waiting to happen, because we have ignored the fundamental truth that there are inherent limitations to human beings. When we play the role of God and entertain the false confidence that with science, wealth, and power we can do anything, there will be a global catastrophe sooner or later. Now COVID-19 has brought mighty nations to their knees in order to awaken us to the truth that needs to be recognized; that we need to live within human limitations and we are morally accountable to a higher power, whether you call it God, Jesus, Buddha, or Nature. That is why I have been a weeping prophet in the last 4 decades, warning people of the dangers of the broad way of positive illusions and shallow happiness, and the need to follow the narrow path of the Logos, the Way, or the Positive Psychology of Suffering (PP 2.0) (See Wong, 2019). Paradoxically, there is power and freedom in accepting our limitations, frailty, and vulnerability. I know what I am taking about because I have spent my entire research career on learning how to develop resilience, hope, and mental health through accepting stress, sickness, suffering, aging, and death. My keynote at the Australia Positive Psychology Conference many years ago was on Acceptance and wellbeing (Wong, 2012 ). I hope that more positive psychology researchers will pick up this topic. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 80

We may have the best cruise ship, the fastest computer, and all the pleasures money and technology can offer, but if we don't recognize our limitations, vulnerability, and inevitable suffering; and if we don't want to cultivate the necessary virtues of humility, responsibility, compassion, and faith in something bigger than all of us; we will not find true happiness and we will not flourish in any sustainable way. One of the basic principles of developing a resilience mind and mature happiness is acceptance. The moment we accept and embrace our limitations, vulnerabilities, and suffering is the moment we will be free from anxiety, fear, shame and guilt. Acceptance is one of the gates we must pass in order to survive and thrive.

Here are a few things that you could reflect on:

1. Do you believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel? 2. Can you see a silver lining surrounding the dark cloud over you? 3. Do you feel better when you share your vulnerability with someone? 4. Are you willing to accept the help or support from others? 5. Are you willing to pray for God's help in a dangerous pandemic? 6. Are you preparing yourself for the possible loss of a loved one? 7. Are you able to face your own mortality with calmness? 8. Are you prepared for the possibility of testing positive? When you are able to accept the worse case scenario with a smile, you would then be liberated from all your fears and you would be ready to live freely and fully.

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Coping Schemas Inventory-Revised (CSI-R)

To what extent do you usually use each of the following strategies to cope with ?

In making your rating, use the following scale:

1 2 3 4 5

A Moderate A Considerable Not at All A Little Bit A Great Deal Amount Amount

(Never) (Rarely) (Occasionally) (Often) (Always)

Please circle the appropriate number for each coping strategy:

1. Rely on others to do what I cannot do myself. 1 2 3 4 5

2. Do something about the situation. 1 2 3 4 5

3. Wish that I could undo the past. 1 2 3 4 5

4. Express my feelings and thoughts. 1 2 3 4 5

5. Confront the problem by taking appropriate actions. 1 2 3 4 5

6. Do what is necessary to maintain a personal relationship with God. 1 2 3 4 5

7. Believe that I can communicate with God. 1 2 3 4 5

8. Run away from the problem or situation. 1 2 3 4 5

9. Do what is necessary to fulfill the requirements of the situation. 1 2 3 4 5

10. Accept what has happened because eventually things will work out as 1 2 3 4 5 well as can be expected.

11. Break down the problem into smaller steps and work on one at a time. 1 2 3 4 5

12. Learn to live with the problem, because nothing much can be done 1 2 3 4 5 about it. 1 2 3 4 5 Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 82

13. Confront and understand my own feelings. 1 2 3 4 5

14. Accept/tolerate life as it is and make the best of it. 1 2 3 4 5

15. Learn to accept the negative realities of life. 1 2 3 4 5

16. Suppress or avoid facing my own emotions. 1 2 3 4 5

17. Air my complaints and frustrations. 1 2 3 4 5

18. Feel guilty for what has happened. 1 2 3 4 5

19. Practice controlled breathing techniques. 1 2 3 4 5

20. Change my negative attitude toward this problem into a positive one. 1 2 3 4 5

21. Change my pace to suit the situation. 1 2 3 4 5

22. Rely on people who have successfully coped with the problem. 1 2 3 4 5

23. Take the problem into my own hands by fighting back. 1 2 3 4 5

24. Look at unavoidable life events as part of my lot in life. 1 2 3 4 5

25. Engage in mental exercise (such as imagery) to reduce tension. 1 2 3 4 5

26. Share my feelings with a confidant. 1 2 3 4 5

27. Try to reduce my anxious thoughts. 1 2 3 4 5

28. Seek help and direction from God. 1 2 3 4 5

29. Actively seek out information on my own. 1 2 3 4 5

30. Wish that I were a different person. 1 2 3 4 5

31. Feel ashamed for my inadequacies. 1 2 3 4 5

32. Put off doing something about the problem. 1 2 3 4 5

33. Accept the present situation because no matter how bad things are they could always be worse. 1 2 3 4 5

34. Wish that a miracle or something fantastic would happen. 1 2 3 4 5

35. Believe that God will answer prayers. 1 2 3 4 5

36. Believe that there must be a purpose in the suffering I experience. 1 2 3 4 5 Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 83

37. Make a plan of action and follow it. 1 2 3 4 5

38. Look to others for moral support. 1 2 3 4 5

39. Ignore the problem and pretend that it doesn’t exist. 1 2 3 4 5

40. Avoid thinking about the problem or things that are upsetting. 1 2 3 4 5

41. Wish that the situation were different. 1 2 3 4 5

42. Believe that God watches over me. 1 2 3 4 5

43. Mentally transform the situation into something less threatening. 1 2 3 4 5

44. Rely on available connections to solve the problem. 1 2 3 4 5

45. Follow religious principles. 1 2 3 4 5

46. Try not to focus on likely negative outcomes. 1 2 3 4 5

47. Practice muscle relaxation techniques. 1 2 3 4 5

48. Change my attitude in view of this problem. 1 2 3 4 5

49. Feel sorry for what I have done. 1 2 3 4 5

50. Be determined and persistent in attacking the problem. 1 2 3 4 5

51. Seek emotional support from others. 1 2 3 4 5

52. Receive practical help from friends. 1 2 3 4 5

53. Restructure my actions in light of the problem. 1 2 3 4 5

54. Pray to God. 1 2 3 4 5

55. Depend on the experts and follow their advice. 1 2 3 4 5

56. Look at the humorous side of this problem. 1 2 3 4 5

57. Try to look at the problem from a new perspective. 1 2 3 4 5

58. Rearrange my activities to accommodate the situation. 1 2 3 4 5

59. Believe that there is meaning and purpose to the things that happen to 1 2 3 4 5 me. 1 2 3 4 5 60. Release my pent-up emotions. 1 2 3 4 5 Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 84

61. Double my effort to change the situation. 1 2 3 4 5

62. Don’t worry about the past or the future, accept each day as it comes. 1 2 3 4 5 63. Develop better time management skills so that I will be more efficient in the future. 1 2 3 4 5

64. Blame myself for what has happened. 1 2 3 4 5

65. Believe in an almighty God. 1 2 3 4 5

66. Believe that valuable lessons can be learned from undesirable 1 2 3 4 5 experiences. 1 2 3 4 5 67. Depend on friends for emotional/moral support. 1 2 3 4 5 68. Believe that God will execute final justice. 1 2 3 4 5 69. Derive meaning from my past. 1 2 3 4 5 70. Remind myself that worrying will not accomplish anything.

71. Practice meditation techniques to reduce tension.

72. Depend on opinions of people who have experienced similar problems.

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Numbness may be a sign of new deepness in acceptance. It is alright to feel numb or nothing in some situations. What would be the normal emotional responses, when bad things (whatever that may be) keep on happening to you, again and again, with no end in sight? Initially, you might have felt angry; you might have even tried to fight back in protest, but that only made things worse. Eventually, to conserve what ever energy you still have, you would give up, become helpless, and feel numb or nothing. At that point, you had no more tears, no more voice, no more strength to respond to any attack, as if you were emotionally dead. But you are not dead yet, as long as you still have a little residue of the defiant human spirit. It is alright to feel numbness, which protects you from more pain. When the whole weight of the horrors, tragedies, and sadness of reality is crushing you, how else could you feel? Your tears have run dry, and you have lost your voice. From the perspective of logotherapy or meaning therapy, you can even turn numbness into something good. As you dig deeper and deeper inside yourself for a solution, or crying out to God for help with increasing desperation, eventually you may feel grateful that you are still alive; you may laugh at the madness and insanity of educated human beings; you may discover some meaning that makes your suffering bearable. Finally, you may reach a new depth of acceptance, accompanied by feelings of serenity, self-compassion and forgiveness and say to yourself, "That is O.K. even I lose everything, I still have something precious that cannot be lost." Your numbness is now transformed into deep life satisfaction and joy, which no longer can be easily perturbed. Such enlightened resignation may be a sign that you are near the secret garden where can you walk with God. Next time, when you are able to maintain your composure and refuse to let people get under your skin no matter how unreasonable or how bad they are, congratulate yourself, because you have mastered self-control and emotional regulation through the practice of acceptance. Your numbness in response to insult is indeed a sign of maturity. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 86

Emotional numbness, even surrender, does not have to be a sign of weakness. It is can be a strategic retreat to conserve energy and avoid needless pain and sacrifice given the hopelessness and helplessness of the situation.

However, when you are strong enough to feel the pain, you will be more determined to find a way to overcome the negative forces, whether it is sickness, injustice, or your own limitations.

Life is protracted struggle. It is perfectly alright to lose a battle in order to win the war.

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Chapter 10 | Lesson On Mental Toughness: The Defiant Power Of Courage

Our mind tends to wander if it is not focused on a task or a distraction (Bradt, 2010). Therefore, during lockdown and isolation, the mind is even more likely to wander towards negative thoughts. I propose that a resilient mindset can serve to protect the mind from its negativity bias of wandering into the territories of worries, anxieties, and painful memories. There are six related aspects of the resilient mindset can be represented by the acronym TRAMMB (credits to fellow psychologist Yannick Jacob for this acronym):

(1) Tough-mindedness towards threats, dangers, bad news, or painful thoughts; (2) Responsibility to choose how to respond to what happens in reality or inside your mind. You can either just witness it or choose an appropriate action; (3) Accepting what is beyond your control, such as limitations, injustices, your vulnerability, and the pandemic; (4) Mindfully observing everything with openness and compassion without judgment. This is often the first pass before deciding how to respond; (5) Meaningfully observing (i.e., looking for what is beautiful, good, and true) and deciding what is the right thing to do; (6) Believing in hope and possibilities; having faith in yourself, in people, and in God, or the mysterious transcendental realm beyond the limits of current science. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 88

Cultivating these six ways of thinking and ways of looking at life will offer us the best protection and opportunity for creative thoughts and actions. By training you mind to be flexible enough to access any combination of these six aspects, you will be able to reduce your level of distress and anxiety. From the perspective of existential positive psychology (PP 2.0), it is more adaptive to develop a more realistic view of human existence–which is full of suffering but also full of overcoming. Therefore, resilience is not just a matter of bouncing back after a disruption, but about developing an existential way of thinking that emphasizes the courage, responsibility, and faith in the power of imagination, meaning-making, and connection with the cosmos or God in the face of death and suffering; such an existential worldview makes one more resistant to disruptions and trauma.

You Need CasMac to get Through the COVID-19 Crisis Stronger and Happier. “What are the one or two things you want most for your children and for yourself?”

“Happiness and success!”

That’s what all people want. Unfortunately, most people do not know how to achieve these objectives, and some even ruin their lives by using unethical means to get what they want. A greater concern is that the attitude of “I just want to be happy” will not prepare young people for the inevitable stress and sufferings in life; when the storm comes, they will collapse like a house built on the sand. If I change the question to: “What are the one or two things you need most for your children and for yourself?”

“Good education and good job!”

That’s what all people want. Unfortunately, most people do not have the opportunities or money to receive a good education or get a good job. Furthermore, many people with good Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 89 education and good jobs end up in jail because of greed, corruption, and other white-collar crimes. If I again change the question: “What are the one or two things you really need in order to be happy and successful for your children and for yourself?” No, it is not good education, nor a good job. My answer is “moral education” or “character building”, which will provide a rock-like foundation to build a fulfilling and successful life; it will remain standing, even when storms or tidal waves crash on it. How do we Build This Rock-solid Foundation of Life? Peterson and Seligman’s well- known character strengths and value-in- action (VIA) program immediately comes to mind, but their program is a mixture of “head virtue” and “heart virtue”; it is difficult to disentangle universal moral virtues from individual talents and personality traits in their six virtues. It is also difficult to disentangle what is a universally valued virtue, and what is limited to individual differences in talents and interests in each character strength. Therefore, training that emphasizes an individual’s use of character strengths does not necessarily succeed in instilling universal moral values. I have consistently observed a wide gap in people’s use of their signature character strengths and the universal moral virtues supposedly reflected by their character strengths. I am proposing an alternative CasMac model (figure 1) based on existential-spiritual values. The good thing about my model is that it is something that everyone can do, regardless of their circumstances or their individual differences in talents and abilities. Another good thing is that there is a great deal of empirical support for each of the factor’s importance for wellbeing and career success.

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Figure 1 CasMac: Spiritually-Oriented Model of Wellbeing

1. Are you willing to defy authority in order to stand up for what is right? Yes No 2. Have you ever risked inconvenience or danger in order to help others? Yes No 3. Have you ever overcome obstacles and oppositions to pursue a worthy goal? Yes No 4. Have you ever taken on a task in spite of fear of failure and opposition? Yes No 5. Are you willing to endure hardships and setbacks in order to accomplish Yes No your life goal? 6. Are you willing to risk rejection in order to be true to your core value or Yes No belief? 7. Have you ever suffered because you chose principle over expediency? Yes No 8. Have you ever endured great difficulties and adversities in completing a big Yes No project? 9. Do you have something that is bigger than personal success and worth dying Yes No for? 10. Have you ever accomplished anything that initially seemed impossible? Yes No Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 91

CasMac Measure of Character (CasMac)

Please read each statement and indicate to what extent each item is characteristic of you. You may respond by circling / clicking the appropriate number according to the following scale:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Neither Strongly Slightly Slightly Strongly Disagree Agree nor Agree Disagree Disagree Agree Agree Disagree

I never let obstacles or oppositions prevent me from doing what really 1. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 CG matters. I am not afraid to stand up for what is right or speak the truth, even if 2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 CG it may cost me personally. I am not afraid of failures and rejections in pursuing my ideals or 3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 CG dreams. 4. I can face an uncertain and difficult future with courage and faith. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 CG 5. I accept my limitations. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 AC 6. I accept what cannot be changed. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 AC 7. I have learned to live with suffering and make the best of it. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 AC 8. I have learned to accept the world as it is. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 AC 9. My life is meaningful because I live for something greater than myself. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ST My suffering is more bearable when I believe that it is for my family, 10. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ST friends, and/or for a higher purpose. 11. I enjoy the process of striving towards excellence in what matters. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ST At my funeral, I want to be remembered as a decent human being who 12. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ST cared about others. 13. I can find something meaningful or significant in everyday events. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 MG 14. No matter how painful the situation, life is still worth living. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 MG What really matters to me is to pursue a higher purpose or calling 15. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 MG regardless of personal cost. I can always transform negatives into positives through reframing of 16. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 MG meaning. My life is full of hardships and suffering, but I can still count my 17. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 AP blessings. I am grateful that my inner resources have increased as a result of 18. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 AP overcoming adversities. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 92

I am grateful that every crisis represents an opportunity for me to 19. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 AP grow. 20. I have learned the importance of gratitude through suffering. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 AP 21. I often feel the pain of another human being. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 CM It is my belief that we need to care for suffering people without 22. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 CM judging them. 23. I have a habit of doing some kind deed to others in need of help. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 CM I often feel moved by compassion seeing people waste their lives in 24. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 CM pursuing pleasures and money.

[Items 5, 6, 7] from Personal Meaning Profile-Brief (PMP-B), self-acceptance subscale (McDonald, Wong, & Gingras, 2012)

[Items 9, 10, 11, 12] from the Self-Transcendence Measure-Brief (STM-B) (Wong, 2017)

[Items 13, 14, 15, 16] from the Life Orientation Scale (LOS) (Wong, 2012)

[Items 17, 18, 19, 20] from the Existential Gratitude Scale (EGS) (Jans-Beken & Wong, 2018)

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Chapter 11 | Effective Coping with Trauma

The psychological pain that you feel during the COVID-19 crisis with its prolonged lockdown, social distancing, isolation, and the daily news of rising death toll can be a mixed bag of dark emotions. In quick succession, you may feel anxious, depressed, and stressed out; you may feel like lashing out at someone, feel too tired to get out of bed, or drawn to junk food or liquor for some comfort. There is no easy way to protect yourself from these painful emotions and harmful behaviors but talking to someone you trust, or a mental health professional will help. The first step of talk therapy usually involves clarifying your feelings and thoughts because if you can understand it, you can tame it and transform it. Numerous psychologists have demonstrated empirically or clinically that anger, shame, hopelessness, and meaninglessness can all be transformed to positive energies within two recent journal issues on second wave positive psychology edited by me (Wong, 2019). Furthermore, Wong & Worth's (2017) showed that frustration and desperation can leads to creativity, Westgate (2018) demonstrated that boredom may lead to more engaging activities, and Kessler (2019) documents that the crowning achievement of grieving unexpected traumatic loss is meaning. The common denominator of the different effective ways of coping with painful emotions and thoughts is meaning-focused coping. Prior research as summarized by Folkman & Moskowitz (2016) and Wong (2017) showed that there are at least 5 to 6 different ways of transforming painful experiences into resilience and positive growth through meaning, such as reframing, finding benefits, changing priorities, and re-authoring the trauma narrative.

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Chapter 12 | Review Your Past For a Better Future: Critical Choices for Living a Good Life

The only way to turn lockdown into an upturn is to have the courage to examine your life and make some changes. One wrong choice can lead to bigger mistakes until you reach a point of no return. Misguided ambitions often lead to broken relationships and disillusion. Many people die with regrets because they never spent time doing self-reflection and making much needed changes. A time of disruption may also be a time of transformation. The beauty of life is that you have the choice to heal unresolved shame, guilt, or anger and transform it into hope and joy. There is power in reminiscence and life review (Birren & Cochran, 2001; Wong 1995, Wong & Watt,1991). By exposing your past, you will be able to free yourself from whatever that binds you and make it possible for you to heal and re-write your life story. If you want to live well in the age of COVID-19, take some time to examine your life and honestly answer the following questions with a Yes or No. Then reflect on your answers. These life review questions can fundamentally change your life:

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(1) Do you regret making some bad choices in your desire to get ahead fast? Yes / No (2) Do you forgive yourself and resolve to do what is honorable rather than Yes / No what is expedient? (3) Have you done anything which you are proud of? Yes / No (4) Have you betrayed any of your friends or loved ones? Yes / No (5) Have you decided to ask for forgiveness and make amends? Yes / No (6) Have you missed good opportunities because you were afraid of taking Yes / No risks? (7) Have you ever done something courageous? Yes / No (8) Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone to pursue something you Yes / No have always dreamt about? (9) Have you been unkind to your loved ones or friends? Yes / No (10) Have you ever betrayed anyone who really trusted you? Yes / No (11) Have you ever helped anyone at a great cost to yourself? Yes / No (12) Have you ever loved anyone more than your own life? Yes / No (13) Have you ever fought for those who are mistreated? Yes / No (14) Do you regret choosing the easy path in life? Yes / No (15) Are you willing to die for a worthy cause rather than prolonging a Yes / No meaningless existence? (16) Do you count your blessings rather than complaining? Yes / No (17) Do you want to do things to improve yourself rather than just watch TV? Yes / No (18) Do you want to spend some time nurturing your soul in meditation or Yes / No prayer? (19) Do you believe that life is worth living in spite of all the problems and Yes / No pains? (20) Do you plan to be your best self rather than giving up on yourself? Yes / No

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Chapter 13 | Be Your Best Because Others Depend on You

COVID-19 has taught us one important word that can save individual lives and save the world. That sacred word is RESPONSIBILITY. This word is highlighted over and over again in various forms in all the guidelines and announcements about how to contain this dangerous pandemic (e.g., be responsible for the greater good!). Hopefully, even when this crisis is over, we would still remember that in order for us to survive and thrive individually and collectively, we must be responsible for our behaviour and its consequences on others, whether they are good or bad. This morning, during my meditation on how to best answer the threat of COVID-19, the hymn I would be true because there are those who trust me by Howard A Walter came to my mind and filled my heart with hope and joy. It can also lift up your spirit and give you the motivation you need to move forward with renewed hope and joy.

It will just take you a few minutes to find out why and how by reading this brief passage.

For all those burdened with care and worried about the future during these difficult days of COVID-19, I would be true because there are those who trust me could change your life by showing you the transforming power of willfully taking responsibility to be the keeper of your neighbours. The virtue of responsibility can do more for you than just create self-efficacy, agency, or self-determination, it could also help beat depression and anxiety because it gives you many noble reasons for becoming your best in order to give your best to the world (Wong, 2016). Responsibility help you achieving happiness and increase character strength than other psychological exercises because it teaches you that you can only become your best when you aspire to be a blessing to all the people around you. Of course, you must take care of yourself. By taking good care of yourself, you would indirectly benefit others. But remember that whatever you do, it has repercussions on others. One for all and all for one–we are in this together. We are all connected in this global village. We all need to make some sacrifices so that the whole group can benefit individually and collectively. Paradoxically, you find yourself by thinking about others. You find strength and joy in serving others. That is why I am grateful to Viktor Frankl for his emphasis on the power of taking responsibility in pursuing self-transcendence as the best way to achieve resilience. That concept allowed him to survive the Holocaust. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 98

There is enough joy and positivity around for everyone, only if we all do our part to be our best. Here are the inspiring words from I would be true because there are those who trust me. Let each word speak to your heart and let the music touch your soul:

I would be true, for there are those who trust me; I would be pure, for there are those who care; I would be strong, for there is much to suffer; I would be brave, for there is much to dare.

I would be friend of all—the foe, the friendless; I would be giving, and forget the gift; I would be humble, for I know my weakness; I would look up, and laugh, and love, and lift.

I would be faithful through each passing moment; I would be constantly in touch with God; I would be strong to follow where He leads me; I would have faith to keep the path Christ trod.

Who is so low that I am not his brother? Who is so high that I’ve no path to him? Who is so poor I may not feel his hunger? Who is so rich I may not pity him?

Who is so hurt I may not know his heartache? Who sings for joy my heart may never share? Who in God’s heav’n has passed beyond my vision? Who to hell’s depths where I may never fare?

May none, then, call on me for understanding, May none, then, turn to me for help in pain, And drain alone his bitter cup of sorrow, Or find he knocks upon my heart in vain.

Does each line of this beautiful hymn represent a characteristic of your life? Do you want to be a resilient, responsible, and joyful person as described here? I invite you to reflect on each line and write down how you can put it into practice (hear the full song by following this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TM5E_e_hWc).

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Chapter 14 | Only Sacrificial Love Can Save Your Marriage From The COVID-19 Lockdown

In a good marriage, your spouse is both your Heaven and hell, because you will find happiness and personal growth only through the gate of suffering.

What’s Love Got to do With Surviving COVID-19? My answer might surprise you. Love can either be the most powerful motivation for surviving and personal growth, or the most destructive force in your life; it can either give you the reason for living in spite of suffering, or it can make you miserable and violent. It all depends on the kind of love you have embraced. According to Lee (1973), there are six colours of love. Hendrick & Hendrick (1986) produced a Love Attitude Scale to measure these six types of love:

1. Eros. Lovers are attached to each other through sex appeal or physical chemistry; similar to passionate love. 2. Pragma. Potential love-objects are rationally selected for pragmatic reasons, such as career and family background. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 100

3. Mania. It is characterized by cognitive obsession as well as emotional peaks and valleys; similar to addictive love. 4. Ludus. Love is treated as a game for pleasure without serious commitment. 5. Storge. Based on deep friendship and mutual trust, similar to companionate love, according to Hatfield et al. (2008). 6. Agape. It is unconditional love or loving without expecting to get anything back in return. It does not keep score. It rejoices in seeing the other person happy. It is the willingness to endure suffering for others. The reward of agape love is purely intrinsic–love is its own reward. It is similar to compassionate love, which "centers on the good of the other" (Underwood, 2008, p. 3) or unlimited love (Post, 2014). There is good scientific evidence that human survival depends on sacrificial love or altruism.

What Sort of Person Makes The Best Life Partner?

Most marriages begin with passionate love or with a friendship that catches fire. Eventually, it settles comfortable into companionate love that is based on trust and intimate sharing. However, marriage vows demand a higher level of commitment, even in times of troubles. Marriage is sacred, only when couples recognize agape love as the heart and soul of marriage and defend it fiercely at any cost. This is the most selfless, uplifting, and enduring kind of love (as described in 1 Cor.13: 4-8). One never stop loving, even when it hurts, such as caring for a spouse suffering from dementia or some kind of generative disease. It is an uncommon love, because most people will give up the marriage when their relationship brings more pain than happiness. Only sacrificial love can save your marriage when a mandatory lockdown places all relationships to a serious stress test. Jean-Paul Sartre in his play No Exit describes the afterlife of three deceased characters being locked in a room together for eternity, bickering. This play is the source of Sartre’s famous quote: “Hell is other people”. Indeed, life could be hellish when couples or families are cooped up in a small place for an indefinite period of time. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 101

To make things worse, one has to adjust to working at home, on top of other household chores, such as cooking, cleaning, or looking after the children. When normal routines are disrupted, and the usual activities for recreation and distraction are no longer available, people would feel unhappy, anxious, and agitated. Couple squabbles can be easily escalated into verbal abuse or physical violence at a time of rising tension and pressures. The good news is we still have the freedom of choice. “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way” (Frankl, 1985). Whether other people are Heaven or hell depends more on your reactions to them than their actions. It is both scary and exciting that you are not a pawn and you have the responsibility and agency to choose how to respond to other people. The person who responds to interpersonal conflicts with sacrificial love has the best chance to save his or her marriage from the mandatory lockdown. Please answer the following Couples’ Relationship Checklist questions with a Yes or No to see whether you have agape love in your heart for your spouse:

1) Have you ever enjoyed making personal sacrifices for your loved one? Yes / No 2) Do you feel grateful for what your spouse has contributed to your life? Yes / No 3) Are you willing to forgive your spouse indefinitely? Yes / No 4) Are you committed to caring for your spouse no matter how difficult? Yes / No 5) Do you believe that all your marital problems can be sorted out eventually? Yes / No 6) Are you grateful for all the precious lessons you have learned from your Yes / No marital problems? 7) Do you fully accept your spouse in spite of all his/her annoying habits and Yes / No weaknesses? 8) Are you grateful for the goodness in your partner? Yes / No 9) Have you made amends towards your mistakes, so that you would not Yes / No suffering from regret and guilt if your partner were to die unexpectedly? 10) Do you believe that marriage is sacred worth fighting for? Yes / No

What Can I do to Improve My Martial Relationship?

People are complicated. Even after we have been married for more than 50 years, I still could not fully understand my wife. Furthermore, people change over time. The high school sweetheart you married may no longer be the same person after 30 or 40 years. Even during normal times, maintaining a good marital relationship is a challenging tasking. The quarantine simply amplifies previous marital problems and creates new ones. To save your marriage, the very least you can do is to reduce negativity in your interaction. Improving communication by avoiding John Gottman’s four horsemen of the apocalypse would be a good start (Happycoupleshealthycommunities.com, 2014). The next step Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 102 is to increase the positive ratio to at least 4:1 as suggested by Tierney & Baumeister (St. Clair, 2019). When couples grow apart, they need to find a way to meet each other halfway according to Arthur and Elain Aron, who are both internationally renown experts on love relationships. Along with several of their colleagues, they published the now famous 36-item Intimacy Questionnaire to rekindle love in long married couple (Aron et al., 1997). Here are some sample items. If you carefully reflect on each item, it will improve your marital relationship:

• Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. • For what in your life do you feel most grateful? • If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? • Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. • If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be? • What do you value most in a friendship? • If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? • What does friendship mean to you? • What roles do love, and affection play in your life? • Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

The Best Predictor of Successful Marriage is Sacrificial Love

From all my experiences in couple counselling and my observations of people, I have to conclude that the best predictor of successful marriage is commitment rooted in sacrificial love. Many years, ago, I wrote this poem:

What is the meaning of love? Why do people fall in love even when it hurts so much? The heart longs for a tender touch which never comes, The heart aches to hold someone far, far away. But true love always hopes and never dies.

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No sacrifice is too high to care for someone you love Without expecting any returns. So loves endures the wounds and pains But finds comfort in bringing joy to the beloved.

You may dismiss such love as unrealistic or too costly. But if you really believe that marriage is something sacred, something worth fight for, then you would be willing to make the sacrifice. You would be glad that you could practice empathy, compassion, acceptance, appreciation, gratitude, forgiveness, patience, humility, endurance, faith, self-control, hope, self- transcendence, and contentment–exercising what I call spiritual virtues. Existential positive psychology poses that the most effective way to cultivate these spiritual cultures is to go through the gates of suffering imposed by life. Marriage will test your limits of these virtues and show you that there is always room for improvement. In other words, marriage can be the best training program for character development and spiritual formation; eventually, it will bring out the best in you and turn you into a saint. More importantly, the best predictor of successful aging is a happy relationship, according to Harvard’s longitudinal study (Mineo, 2017). In other words, working on the relationship pays handsome dividends in terms of happiness and health, even though the process may be very challenging. Be grateful that you have found someone who is willing to take chances with you and make you a better person, if you choose to place your life partner above your own self-interest. Marriage is the best cure for the me-first disease, which can be just as destructive as the coronavirus. More importantly, marriage also shows you the less travelled road to mature happiness. Here are some simple exercises to strengthen your relationships:

1. Each day, do something to please your spouse. 2. Each day, express gratitude for at least one good thing about the marriage. 3. Listen to your spouse explain why she or he is unhappy about something. Listen without interruption or defense. Then, “mirror” back to make sure that you have understood correctly. 4. Make future plans together for the period after the COVID-19 crisis is over.

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Chapter 15 | Lesson on Flexibility: Flexibility is the Mega-strategy to Surviving Covid-19

Be like water, said Lao Tzu.

Be like water and the bamboos, said Bruce Lee.

Water and bamboos are good metaphors of strength through flexibility. Water is soft; Bamboos are hollow inside. These apparent weaknesses become strengths because of their adaptability to changing circumstances. You may be lacking in IQ or EQ, but if you have the flexibility, you can survive almost every kind of adversity. Flexibility is a real-life mega-strategy for survival. Charles Darwin put it very clearly: "It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." "In desperation, a dog will jump over a wall, a human being will cry to the Sky God," so said a Chinese proverb. This is a good description of flexibility. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 105

According to another well known Chinese idiom, a real man can shrink and expand. Such a person knows how to how to endure hardship with patience and humility during difficult times, and how to expand his enterprise in times of peace and prosperity. This is an example of the Yin-Yang principle. The BRAMMT resilient mind, as described earlier, demands flexibility. For example, even if you are an atheist, you can still benefit from acting as if God exists. You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain by praying for God’s protection and helping in the battle against an invisible monster. Another example is mindfulness. If you suspend all your biases/prejudices and accept life as it is, you will be in a much better position to decide the best coping action. According to my resource-congruent model of effective coping (Wong, Reker & Peacock, 2006), optimal flexibility means using the most fitting method and the most appropriate resources to cope with any problem. During the long history of human evolution, the most effective coping strategies have been selected and encoded in our collective memories. We are all endowed with the capacity to tap into the vast repertoire of coping strategies to cope with COVID-19, and its aftermath, if we do not let our pride, biases, or dogma limit our options. If you want to learn more about the resilience revolution in coping with the pandemic, please leave with me your contact information, so that I can contact you regarding the forthcoming webinar on The Positive Psychology of Resilience to cope with COVID-19. Why pay money to learn resilience? You can now learn for free from this master in this time of crisis.

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Chapter 16 | Lesson on Happiness Is happiness possible when everything goes wrong, when friends betray you, when tides and trends are turning against you, and both the work situation and life at home are full of problems? In the midst of pain, discomfort, and sleeplessness, I find myself once again blessed with many spiritual blessings. I have just come up with a brief Chaironic Happiness Scale to measure this kind of spiritual bliss. Please answer yes or no to the following:

1. Are you spiritually attuned? Yes / No 2. Are you at peace with yourself, with others, and with the world? Yes / No 3. Have you ever experienced the ecstasy of worship and praise? Yes / No 4. Do you feel pure joy when you are in close communion with God or nature? Yes / No 5. Are you familiar with the inner blessings that come from meditation and prayer? Yes / No 6. Do you feel transported to a transcendental realm of joy as you watch the Yes / No glorious sunrise or the majestic starry sky? 7. Have you experienced the aesthetic chills or sublime feelings in appreciating Yes / No artistic creations? 8. Do you experience joy when you hold a baby or see children playing happily? Yes / No 9. Have you ever paused and felt grateful for being alive on such a beautiful planet? Yes / No 10. Have you ever been pleasantly surprised by an unexpected gift from a stranger Yes / No or from your spiritual community?

10 Types of Mature Happiness in Times of Suffering When all you hear everyday is bad news, only deep-rooted happiness can get you through the day. Why not discover this new experience? Ongoing research into many different types of happiness is a welcoming new development. However, most positive psychologists still limit themselves to happiness research in normal life circumstances. The age of COVID-19 beckons them to explore the following types of mature happiness that can really contribute to SWB and health during adversity. There is no excitement and no pure positivity in these types of deep-rooted mature happiness (figure 1).

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Figure 1 10 Types of Mature Happiness in Times of Suffering

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Conclusion | How to Find Inner Peace and Life Balance in Times of Crisis

The whole world has turned upside down. The life we used to know has largely disappeared with all kinds of new rules (such as lockdown measures, social distancing) imposed on us in our battle against COVID-19. We can no longer expect that tomorrow will be similar to today because the situation is so fluid–the other shoe may drop at any time–and all of us could get infected. Even the top medical scientists have issued numerous warnings of a second wave. With the collapse of traditional values, the surge of social upheavals, endless political tumults, and the 4th industrial revolution, the world is undergoing seismic changes. We have lost our moral mooring and direction in a new world which we don’t really understand. Indeed, we are going through a global crisis of biblical proportions. The pandemic has exposed the fault lines of our democracy and the discontent of our materialistic way of life. It may be a time for awakening and fundamental change and a new science of coping with an invisible and ubiquitous deadly enemy. This book has provided helpful resources on the resilience revolution such as the double helix of self-distancing and self-transcendence, Frankl’s vaccine against suffering, and Wong’s resilience mindset as the front line psychological defence against the pandemic. In this concluding chapter, I want to focus on the need to change ourselves in order to find mature happiness based on inner peace and life balance. Most people do not fully understand what Frankl meant when he spoke of the need to "change ourselves". Surely, it means more than mere positive thinking or behaviour modification. The deeper meaning of change can be found in the Greek word repentance (μετάνοια), which means a complete change of mind and heart after self reflection, repudiation of what is wrong, and transforming oneself into something new. For example, Frankl challenged us to re-orient our life from horizontal living to vertical living in a spiritual/transcendental reality. Don’t you think that this change will make your life deeper and more meaningful? What if there is God, a Supermeaning, or Supreme Master, to Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 109 whom you will be held accountable? Don't you think that faith in God will help you to be more responsible in your use of freedom? Another example: Frankl also challenged us to change our mindset from fear of suffering to embracing suffering. What will happen if you let go your old beliefs and attitudes, and consider the new possibility that suffering may be good for you? It will as least reduce your anxiety level and prompt you to seek the meaning and benefit of suffering, such as placing yourself in harm’s way as a frontline worker or rebuilding your shattered business.

What is Inner Peace? How is it Related to Happiness?

According to Thich Nhat Hanh (2014), the secret to happiness is seeking peace, not excitement; to transform suffering, not running away from it. We need to learn how to face, accept, and embrace our suffering with mindfulness and equanimity. Then we can experience true joy or mature happiness in the midst of adversity. This kind of inner peace does not necessarily mean the complete absence of negative thoughts or stress, it does not mean that you need to live a cloistered life of a monk or priest. It simply means a positive state of mind characterized by equanimity, confidence, harmony, and contentment. The good news is that peace could be experienced in every step of the way as you go about your daily business (Thich Nhat Hanh, 1992). According to Wong & Bowers (2018), “Mature or noetic happiness is characterized by a sense of acceptance, inner serenity, harmony, contentment, and being at peace with self, others, and the world.” It is called mature, because it takes a certain level of personal maturity and spiritual discipline in order to achieve a high level of life satisfaction, even when one could barely maintain a low or modest level of positivity while going through unrelenting trials and tribulations. Therefore, it implies a deep-rooted peace and joy overlaid with fresh wounds, bruises, and stresses that come from daily struggles. I used a mandala model (see figure 1) to describe this calm-based happiness, which depends on the dialectical interactions between yin-yang and self-others. The model allows an individual to benefit from both the self and others simultaneously, as in the case of self- transcendence. The self and others are viewed as two sides of the same coin, or two separate but interdependent dimensions. Similarly, the model also allows an individual to be both high in yin and yang, as in the case of accepting the bleak reality yet continuing to struggle towards one’s ideals.

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Figure 1 Dialectical Mandala Model of Mature Happiness

This mature happiness requires our ability to navigate dialectical interactions and maintain an optimal balance between the self and others, along with yin and yang tendencies, depending on the specific demand of each context. This ability of agility and flexibility can be strengthened through self-cultivation or practice of the resilient mindset described earlier. According to this mandala model, the sweet spot of optimal balance and harmony between opposing forces is mature happiness (安樂/安康)—an authentic, spiritual, and enduring happiness that can be sustained amid suffering (Dambrun & Ricard, 2011; Delle Fave et al., 2016; Wong & Bowers, 2018). Mature happiness encompasses psychological wellbeing (Ryff, 1989) and eudemonic wellbeing (Ryan et al., 2008; Waterman, 1993); it is an attunement-based happiness (Haybron, 2013). According to Wong (2014), “attunement is a positive mental state, characterized by a sense of contentment with life and being at peace with oneself and the world.” In addition, it can even function within the noxious world of pandemic and suffering. Thus, it demands more than a few positive psychology exercises to achieve inner peace. One needs to develop the skills, attitudes, and habits of living a life of harmony and balance in a dangerous and unpredictable world. This is the concept of the good life according to PP 2.0 (Wong, 2011).

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How to Live a Life of Balance and Harmony

The notion of life balance and harmony can be traced back to ancient China, as represented by the principle of Yin-Yang dialectics, believed to encompass everything in nature and responsible for physical and mental health according to Confucianism, Dao/Taoism and Buddhism (Laozi, 2016; Wong, 2016). Inner peace, harmony, and balance are closely related concepts as indicated by this definition. “Harmony is usually identified as a human value, referring to compatibility and accord in feelings, actions, relationships, opinions, interests, etc. It denotes a state of balance among forces influencing and even opposing one another.” (Chen, 2008, p. 464) Life is a balancing act because life is full of paradoxes, dilemmas, absurdities, and contradictions. Living well is all about knowing how to balance conflicting forces, values, attitudes, ideas, and emotions and making the right choices that will increase life balance and wellbeing. Here are some common examples of duality:

• The real self vs. the ideal self • Confessing our past shameful deeds vs. building more mental defences • Personal freedom vs. public safety • Individual rights vs. social justice • Getting ahead vs. getting along

The inability to resolve any of the above conflicts can contribute to a person’s adjustment problems. Our ability to balance the endless conflicting demands in our daily lives is the key to stress reduction and positive mental health (The editors of TIME, 2019). Research has shown that harmony or balance is associated with happiness, subjective wellbeing (SWB), and meaning in life (Chen, 2008; Gruman, et al, 2018; Wong, 2012). Research has also shown that there is a symbiotic relationship between inner peace and happiness, and both concepts are associated with positive emotions (e.g., Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 112

If we still cling to our old patterns of expectations, we would be creating more stress and anxiety to ourselves according to the meaning-maintenance model (Heine et al., 2006). If we want inner peace, we can no longer cling to the old patterns of expectations, such as “hard work will lead to success”, and “good people will be rewarded, while bad people will be punished”. Such expectations are part of the “just world belief”, which will be violated again and again in a chaotic and unjust world. By the same token, we can no longer only cling to the importance of cognitive consistency (Cartwright & Harary, 1956; Heider, 1946), even though by nature we prefer to see a world that function consistently in an orderly manner that we can predict or control. The new science of existential psychology predicts that the our ability to tolerate and adapt to cognitive dissonance may be more conducive to wellbeing during times of complexity and chaos. All of us experience the discomfort of cognitive dissonance (CD) from conflicting values or the gap between ideal self and real self, resulting in positive change. However, the new science of PP 2.0 suggests that holding two opposing ideas or emotions can be good for you, even though CD is uncomfortable or stressful. Tolerating CD could increase your cognitive and emotional maturity in the following seven ways:

1. It makes you more inclusive regarding diversity. 2. It increase your emotional diversity (Ponti, 2017). 3. It makes you wiser by discovering that truth is somewhere in the middle of opposing positions. 4. It increases your tolerance of people who oppose you. 5. It increases your emotional agility (David, 2016). 6. It increases your creativity (Leung, 2018). 7. It restores your inner peace by living with CD.

Science still lags behind the wisdom of living with dissonance. Consider the following two quotes from F. Scott Fitzgerald and Carl Sagan. Do they resonant with you? Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 113

Interestingly enough, some research suggests that listening to Mozart may increase your emotional and cognitive maturity in trying to balance two conflicting beliefs (Jacobs, 2017). Finally, the ability to maintain peace and harmony in a polarized and rapidly changing world may be important for human survival and flourishing. According to Faabio & Tsusa (2018), the psychology of harmony represents a new area of the positive psychology of sustainable development in the post-modern world. The ability to embrace change, the cognitive flexibility to switch between different coping strategies, and the emotional agility to react to change with positive emotions can all contribute to intrapersonal and interpersonal peace and harmony.

A Profile of Inner Peace

It is always refreshing to see someone who is able to maintain her composure and quiet confidence, even when she is insulted. Threatened, and provoked. You wonder: How could she be so calm even in such desperate situations. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 114

You can see in her eyes that she knows what is going on and that she is on top of the situation. She does not show much emotion, does not readily express her views, and refuses to be drawn into useless arguments. She never responds immediately to unreasonable demands. After some consideration, she would say a very few carefully chosen words that would produce her intended effects. She can go from crisis to crisis without losing her cool. You wonder: How did she develop her mental toughness, confidence, and competence in making the right decision? Surely, it takes more than yoga or positive psychology exercises to develop such rock-solid leadership qualities and fluid flexibility like water. Her patience and self-control come largely from a long-suffering heart capable of tolerating all kinds of stupidity and absurdity without losing her composure. She always carries herself with impeccable manners and sense of understated dignity, but her presence calls for respect. In the midst of many powerful push and pull forces, she is able to maintain her ground and stay calm under pressure. This gives her the advantage over her adversaries because she is able to think with clarity and make wise decision without acting on impulse or habit. She becomes such a heroic figure because she has learned that life is a balancing act. She knows how to achieve a sense of balance in all areas of life and how to develop a harmonious working relationship with all kind of people, including those she does not like. To become such a well-rounded mature person, she also practices the strategies in the following section.

Strategies to Achieve Life Harmony

Here are 12 strategies that can build your mental muscles to take on all the dirty, vile events that come your way without losing your balance and serenity. 1. Know the difference between right and wrong and always do what is right according to your conscience and universal values such as compassion and justice. This will give you a solid moral grounding. 2. Know the difference between personal interest and the common good. Always willingly surrender your self-interest for the greater good. This is the practice of self-transcendence and servant-leadership. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 115

3. Know your vulnerabilities and what upsets you most. To acknowledge your weaknesses is the best way to protect and improve yourself. Your problem will persist until you dare to face it and learn from it.

4. Believe that you can turn every setback to your advantage and accomplish your goal eventually, even though the situation may look hopeless. “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” (English Standard Version Bible, 2001, Genesis 50:20) Therefore, you can celebrate your failures and your fate, because they prepare you for eventual success if you stay true to the course. 5. Keep your stillness rituals daily, such as meditation, prayer, tai chi, or spending time with nature. Do them consistently. It is the time to experience solitude and quietness, and to clear your mind of the endless noise while recharging your mental battery. 6. Train your mind to focus on one thing at a time, so that you don’t get distracted easily. Your ability to focus will prevent you from being drawn into ruminating over troublesome issues or worrying about negative outcomes. 7. Develop the practical wisdom and cognitive flexibility so that you will be able to balance work with play, self-care with caring for others. You also need to have the practical wisdom knowing when to get engage, when to dis-engage, when to advance, and when to retreat. Life is a balancing act. 8. Refuse to waste your time on toxic people and refuse to allow them to rob you of your inner peace. Stay away from them if you can.

9. Stop chasing after happiness; instead, learn to maintain a positive mental state of deep joy and serenity in spite of the constant presence of stress in your daily battle with various Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 116

challenges. In other words, you neither seek excitement with high intensity and positivity, nor do you seek homeostasis. 10. Learn to live with paradoxes and cognitive dissonance so you could find a creative solution more easily . It is actually good to have some level of tension and keep the fire in your belly to improve yourself and overcome your problems. 11. Learn to remain hopeful, even when you face repeated rejection or failures, by believing in the intrinsic value of your work and believing in eventual vindication. 12. Think negatively and prepare for the worse so that you can take measures to prevent it from happening and you will not be shocked even when it does happen. This pre-mortem technique was designed by psychologist Gary Klein (2007). His great idea comes from the Stoic tradition (see figure 2).

Figure 2

Ideas from Stoicism

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Conclusion At the heart of inner peace is one’s ability to (a) maintain an optimal balance between opposing forces in any context, (b) live in harmony with the self, others, nature and the supernatural through attunement (Wong, 2014), (c) achieve genuineness or authenticity so that one’s values, thoughts, words, and deeds are congruent with each other, in spite of the pressure of fear and temptations, and (d) develop the ability to tolerate and embrace uncertainty, disconfirmation of expectancies, ambivalent emotions and cognitive dissonance. All of these traits are predicated on living in a hostile world full of suffering and evil. In the final analysis, we can sum it all up with the following idiom: no pain, no gain. It is better for us to get used to living with the inevitable prospect of suffering and death in order to gain mental toughness and wisdom. The valuable sources of inner peace and life balance can only be earned by going through the gates of hardships and suffering, and learning dialectical balancing (Lomas, 2016) along with the dual-system process (Wong, 2012). Even when living a meaningful life, we need to have both the proper balance between difference sources of meaning (Wong, 1998). Life can be a beautiful painting with bright and dark colours. Life can also be a beautiful piece of music with different notes in perfect harmony. You can build a new life of peace, balance, and harmony out of shattered dreams and broken relationships by practicing the new concepts, strategies, and skills as outlined in this book. My colleagues and I are in the process of establishing a new Research Institute of Suffering and Flourishing to explore all the new possibilities of the new science of PP 2.0 (https://www.meaning.ca/positive-psychology/). I want to conclude this chapter by quoting Faabio & Tsusa (2018):

“Acceptance of change can be considered a resource to face adaptively the continuous changes of the 21st century in terms by offering strengths to ﬁnd new balances within the person, with others and with different contexts, including the natural world.”

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Measurement and Scales Scoring Keys (In order of appearance)

Personal Meaningful Profile-Brief

Please indicate the score you circled for the indicated question number in the cells below. Add up the scores in each row.

Subscale Score Score Score Row Total Achievement (Q5) (Q6) (Q16) Relationship (Q7) (Q8) (Q13) Religion (Q4) (Q9) (Q18) Self-transcendence (Q1) (Q3) (Q17) Self-acceptance (Q11) (Q15) (Q21) Intimacy (Q2) (Q12) (Q14) Fair treatment (Q10) (Q19) (Q20)

Life Attitude Scale

4 = Strongly Agree 3 = Agree 2 = Disagree 1 = Strongly Disagree Note: Global LAS score is calculated by adding all responses. Subscale scores are calculated by adding responses to items corresponding to the subscales. Elements (Subscales): Items: Affirmation of meaning and value: 18 24 26 27 Acceptance: 7 9 13 17 22 Courage: 6 20 28 30 Faith: 1 3 5 8 10 14 15 16 23 29 31 Self-transcendence: 2 4 11 12 19 21 25 32

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Responsibility Scale Self Responsibility (4 items): 1, 2, 4, 6 Accountability to others (4 items): 3, 5, 7, 8

Existential Gratitude Scale Items 3, 5, and 7 need to be reverse coded before calculating a mean score for Existential Gratitude Personal Meaning Profile

Achievement (16 items): 6, 7, 8, 9, 12, 13, 21, 24, 25, 26, 29, 34, 40, 44, 47, 48 Relationship (9 items): 10, 18, 27, 28, 32, 41, 42, 45, 50 Religion (9 items): 3, 5, 19, 20, 22, 33, 51, 52, 54 Self-transcendence (8 items): 2, 15, 23, 30, 31, 39, 49, 53 Self-acceptance (6 items): 4, 16, 36, 37, 46, 57 Intimacy (5 items): 1, 11, 17, 38, 43 Fair treatment (4 items): 14, 35, 55, 56

Search for Meaning Scale Positive Search for Meaning (6 items): 2, 6, 8, 9, 11, 12 Negative Search for Meaning (6 items): 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 10

Coping Schemas Inventory-Revised Situational (8 items): 2, 5, 11, 23, 29, 37, 50, 61

Self-Restructuring (8 items): 9, 20, 21, 48, 53, 57, 58, 63

Active Emotional (8 items): 4, 13, 17, 26, 38, 51, 60, 67

Passive Emotional (12 items): 3, 8, 16, 18, 30, 31, 32, 34, 39, 41, 49, 64

Meaning (4 items): 36, 59, 66, 69

Acceptance (9 items): 10, 12, 14, 15, 24, 33, 40, 56, 62

Religious (9 items): 6, 7, 28, 35, 42, 45, 54, 65, 68

Social Support (6 items): 1, 22, 44, 52, 55, 72

Tension Reduction (8 items): 19, 25, 27, 43, 46, 47, 70, 71

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CasMac Measure of Character 1. Courage (CG) (4 items): 1, 2, 3, 4 2. Acceptance (AC) (4 items): 5, 6, 7, 8 3. Self-Transcendence (ST) (4 items): 9, 10, 11, 12 4. Meaning (MG) (4 items): 13, 14, 15, 16 5. Appreciation (AP) (4 items): 17, 18, 19, 20 6. Compassion (CM) (4 items): 21, 22, 23, 24

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should-i-still-go-to-church- coronavirus/?fbclid=IwAR0ZKQYgMXNIEe7XCHTLUsBmoy2YWLBykyq-- s6lhl47qlFJJZmwLu0ieig Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (1995). Trauma & transformation: Growing in the aftermath of suffering. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Tedeschi, R. G., Park, C. L., & Calhoun, L. G. (Eds.). (1998). The LEA series in personality and clinical psychology. Posttraumatic growth: Positive changes in the aftermath of crisis. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum. Wang, Y., Qi, Z., Hofman, S. G., Si, M., Liu, X. & Xu, W. (2019). Effect of acceptance versus attention on pain tolerance: Dissecting two components of mindfulness. PMC, 10(7), 1352-1359. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-019-1091-8 Wong, P. T. P. (2004). Compassionate and spiritual care: A vision of positive holistic medicine. International Network on Personal Meaning. Retrieved from http://www.meaning.ca/archives/archive/pdfs/wong-spiritual-care.pdf Wong, P. T. P. (2006). The positive psychology of persistence and flexibility. Positive Living Newsletter. Retrieved from http://meaning.ca/archives/presidents_columns/pres_col_feb_2006_persistance-and- flexibility.htm Wong, P. T. P. (2007). Viktor Frankl: Prophet of hope for the 21st century. In A. Batthyany & J. Levinson (Eds.), Anthology of Viktor Frankl’s Logotherapy. Phoenix, AZ: Zeig, Tucker & Theisen Inc. Wong, P. T. P. (2012). The meaning mindset: Measurement and implications. International Journal of Existential Psychology and Psychotherapy, 4(1), 1–3. Wong, P. T. P. (Ed.). (2012). The human quest for meaning: Theories, research, and applications (2nd ed.). New York: Routledge. Wong, P. T. P. (2014). Viktor Frankl’s meaning seeking model and positive psychology. In A. Batthyany & P. Russo-Netzer (Eds.), Meaning in existential and positive psychology (pp. 149–184). New York: Springer. Wong, P. T. P. (2016). Self-transcendence: A paradoxical way to become your best. International Journal of Existential Psychology and Psychotherapy, 6(1). Retrieved from http://journal.existentialpsychology.org/index.php/ExPsy/article/view/178/141 Wong, P. T. P. (2019). Why and How I Developed the Positive Psychology of Suffering. Dr. Paul T. P. Wong. Retrieved from http://www.drpaulwong.com/why-and-how-i- developed-the-positive-psychology-of-suffering/ Wong, P. T. P., & Bowers, V. (2018). Mature happiness and global wellbeing in difficult times. In N. R. Silton (Ed.), Scientific concepts behind happiness, kindness, and empathy in contemporary society (pp. 112-134). Hershey, PA: IGI Global. Wong, P. T. P., & Wong, L. C. J. (2012). A meaning-centered approach to building youth resilience. In P. T. P. Wong (Ed.), The human quest for meaning: Theories, research, and applications (2nd ed., pp. 585–617). New York: Routledge. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 132

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Chapter 5 Frankl, V. E. (1985). Man’s search for meaning. New York, NY: Washington Square Press. Peterson, C. (2000). The future of optimism. American Psychologist, 55, 44-55. Snyder, C. R. (Ed.). (2000). Handbook of hope: Theory, measures, and applications. San Diego, CA: Academic. Wong, P. T. P. (1995). Coping with frustrative stress: A behavioral and cognitive analysis. In R. Wong (Ed.), Biological perspective on motivated and cognitive activities. New York: Ablex Publishing. Wong, P. T. P. (2003). Tragic Optimism: an existential-humanistic model. Presented at The APA Convention in Toronto in August. Wong, P. T. P. (2007). Viktor Frankl: Prophet of hope for the 21st century. In A. Batthyany & J. Levinson (Eds.), Anthology of Viktor Frankl’s Logotherapy. Phoenix, AZ: Zeig, Tucker & Theisen Inc.

Chapter 8 Ashburnham Funeral Home. (2020). In Memory of George Dimitroff: 1951-2020. Retrieved from https://ashburnhamfuneral.ca/tribute/details/8964/George- Dimitroff/condolences.html?fbclid=IwAR2iLjScn6BezJr1MZqG2p7y5MxTs9HuhRJI2sj UOCxUfr0bi4_ChYRmIGw#content-start Bonanno, G. A. (2010). The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss. New York, NY: Basic Books. Erikson, E. H. (1982). The life cycle completed. New York: W. W. Norton. Lewis, C. S. (1961). A grief observed. New York, NY: Seabury Press. Ray, J. J., & Najman, J. (1974). Death anxiety and death acceptance: A preliminary approach. Omega, 5(4), pp. 311-315. Ringma, C. (2000). Dare to journey with Henri Nouwen. Colorado Springs, CO: Pinon Press. Tomer, A., & Eliason, G. (2006a). Regret and death attitudes. In A. Tomer, P. T. P. Wong, & E. Grafton (Eds), Death attitudes: Existential & spiritual issues. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Tomer, A., & Eliason, G. (2006b). Existentialism and death attitudes. In A. Tomer, P. T. P. Wong, & E. Grafton (Eds.), Death attitudes: Existential & spiritual issues. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 133

Wong, P. T. P. (2000). Meaning in life and meaning in death in successful aging. In A. Tomer (Ed.), Death attitudes and the older adults: Theories, concepts and applications (pp.23- 35). Philadelphia, PA: Bruner-Routledge. Wong, P. T. P. (2001a). A new algebra for positive psychology. Positive Living Newsletter. Retrieved from http://www.meaning.ca/archives/presidents_columns/pres_col_dec_2001_1.htm Wong, P. T. P. (2001b). When terror hits home: A case for tragic optimism. Positive Living Newsletter. Retrieved from http://www.meaning.ca/archives/presidents_columns/pres_col_sep_2001_tragic- optimism.htm Wong, P. T. P. (2001c). Pathways to post traumatic growth. Positive Living Newsletter. Retrieved from http://www.meaning.ca/archives/presidents_columns/pres_col_may_2003_post- traumatic-growth.htm Wong, P. T. P. (2007). Meaning management theory and death acceptance. In A. Tomer, E. Grafton, & P. T. P. Wong (Eds.), Existential and spiritual issues in death attitudes (pp. 65-87). New York, NY: Erlbaum. Wong, P. T. P. (2008). Transformation of Grief Through Meaning: Meaning-Centered Counseling for Bereavement. In A. Tomer, G. T. Eliason, & P. T. P. Wong (Eds.), Existential and spiritual issues in death attitudes (p. 376-396). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers. Wong, P. T. P., Reker, G. T., & Gesser, G. (1994). Death Attitude Profile – Revised: A multidimensional measure of attitudes toward death. In R. A. Neimeyer (Ed.), Death anxiety handbook: Research instrumentation and application (pp.121-148). Washington, DC: Taylor and Francis.

Chapter 9 Wong, P. T. P. (1993). Do we have to learn from the animals to be adaptive? Stress Medicine, 9, 71-73. Wong, P. T. P. (2012, March). The adaptive benefits of acceptance. Keynote address presented at the 3rd Australian Conference of Positive Psychology and Wellbeing, Wollongong, Australia. Retrieved from http://www.drpaulwong.com/dr-wongs-talks-from-positive- 2012-australia-2/ Wong, P. T. P. (2019). Why and How I Developed the Positive Psychology of Suffering. Dr. Paul T. P. Wong. Retrieved from http://www.drpaulwong.com/why-and-how-i- developed-the-positive-psychology-of-suffering/ Wong, P. T. P., Reker, G. T., & Peacock, E. (2006). The resource-congruence model of coping and the development of the Coping Schemas Inventory. In P. T. P. Wong, & L. C. J., Wong (Eds.), Handbook of multicultural perspectives on stress and coping (pp. 223-283). New York, NY: Springer. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 134

Chapter 10 Bradt, S. (2010). Wandering mind not a happy mind. The Harvard Gazette. Retrieved from https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2010/11/wandering-mind-not-a-happy- mind/?fbclid=IwAR1it- 99353zEYSswYiFteppMIyGTsfW70P4Wze2bzu2sdn_m4nvYK4u0ok Wong, P. T. P. (2017, August 30). Reflections on my psychology career: Where I came from, and where I am going (Autobiography, Ch. 24). Dr. Paul T. P. Wong. Retrieved from http://www.drpaulwong.com/reflections-on-my-psychology-career/ Wong, P. T. P. (2019). The positive education of character building: CasMac. Dr. Paul T. P. Wong. Retrieved from http://www.drpaulwong.com/the-positive-education-of-character- building-casmac/

Chapter 11 Folkman, S., & Moskowitz, J. T. (2007). Positive affect and meaning-focused coping during significant psychological stress. In M. Hewstome, H. Schut, J. de Wit, K. Van Den Bos & M. Stroebe (Eds.), The Scope of Social Psychology: Theory and Applications (pp. 193- 208). Psychology Press Taylor & Francis Group. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203965245 Kessler, D. (2019). Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. New York, NY: Scribner. Westgate, E. C. (2018). Why boredom is interesting. https://doi.org/10.31237/osf.io/qxh83 Wong, P. T. P. (2017). Coping and stress. In A. Wenzel (Ed.), The SAGE encyclopedia of abnormal and clinical psychology (pp. 886-890). New York, NY: Sage. Wong, P. T. P. (Guest Ed.). (2019). Special Issue: A Second-Wave Positive Psychology in Counselling Psychology. Counselling Psychology Quarterly, 32(3-4). https://doi.org/10.1080/09515070.2019.1671320 Wong, P. T. P., & Worth, P. (2017). The deep-and-wide hypothesis in giftedness and creativity [Special issue]. Psychology and Education, 54(3/4). Retrieved from http://www.psychologyandeducation.net/pae/category/volume-54-no-3-4-2017/

Chapter 12

Birren, J. E., and Cochran, K. N. (2001). Telling the Stories of Life Through Guided Autobiography Groups. Baltimore, MD: Johns Hopkins University Press. Wong, P. T. P. (1995). The processes of adaptive reminiscence. In B. K. Haight & J. D. Webster (Eds.), The art and science of reminiscing: Theory, research, methods, and applications (p. 23–35). Taylor & Francis. Wong, P. T. P., & Watt, L. (1991). What types of reminiscence are associated with successful aging? Psychology and Aging, 6(2), 272-279.

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Chapter 13 Wong, P. T. P. (2016). Self-transcendence: A paradoxical way to become your best. International Journal of Existential Psychology and Psychotherapy, 6(1). Retrieved from http://journal.existentialpsychology.org/index.php/ExPsy/article/view/178/141

Chapter 14 Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363– 377. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167297234003 Frankl, V. E. (1985). Man’s search for meaning. New York, NY: Washington Square Press. Happycoupleshealthycommunities.com (2014). The Four Horsement of the Apocalypse. Retrieved from https://happycoupleshealthycommunities.com/2014/08/20/the-four- horsemen-of-the-apocalypse/ (Excerpt from J. Gottman & J. Schwartz Gottman (2013), The Art & Science of Love: A Weekend Workshop for Couples, Seattle, WA: The Gottman Institute, pp. 4-6.) Hatfield, EC, Pillemer, JT, O'Brien, MU, & Le, YL. (2008). The endurance of love: Passionate and companionate love in newlywed and long-term marriages. Interpersona, 2(1), 35-64. Doi:10.5964/ijpr.v2i1.17. Hendrick, C. & Hendrick, S. (1986) A theory and method of love. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50, 392-402. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.50.2.392 Lee, J. A. (1973). Colors of Love: An Exploration of the Ways of Loving. Toronto, ON: New Press. Mineo, L. (2017). Good genes are nice, but joy is better. The Harvard Gazette. Retrieved from https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has- been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/ Post, S. (2014). Is Ultimate Reality Unlimited Love? West Conshohocken, PA: Templeton Press. St. Clair, J. (2019). 5 Ways to Lead a Happier Life, According to One of the World’s Most Famous Social Psychologists. Men’s Health. Retrieved from https://www.menshealth.com/health/a30268860/negativity-effect/ Underwood, L. G. (2008). Compassionate love: A framework for research. In Beverley Fehr, Susan Sprecher, & Lynn G. Underwood (Eds.), The Science of Compassionate Love: Theory, Research, and Applications (pp. 3-25) (table of contents), Malden, MA: Wiley- Blackwell. ISBN 978-1-4051-5394-2

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Chapter 15 Wong, P. T. P., Reker, G. T. & Peacock, E. (2006). The resource-congruence model of coping and the development of the Coping Schemas Inventory. In P. T. P. Wong, & L. C. J., Wong (Eds.), Handbook of multicultural perspectives on stress and coping (pp. 223-283). New York, NY: Springer.

Chapter 16 Wong, P. T. P. (2014). From attunement to a meaning-centred good life: Book Review of Daniel Haybron’s Happiness: A very short introduction. International Journal of Wellbeing, 4(2), 100-105. doi:10.5502/ijw.v4i2.5

Conclusion Cartwright, D., & Harary, F. (1956). Structural balance: a generalization of Heider's theory. Psychological Review, 63(5), 277–293. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0046049 Chen, S. X. (2008). Harmony. In S. J. Lopez (Ed.), The encyclopedia of positive psychology (pp.464-467). Blackwell Publishing. Dambrun, M., & Ricard, M. (2011). Self-centeredness and selflessness: A theory of self-based psychological functioning and its consequences for happiness. Review of General Psychology, 15(2), 138-157. https://doi.org/10.1037%2Fa0023059 David, S. (2016). Emotional agility: Get unstuck, embrace change, and thrive in work and life. Avery. Delle Fave, A., Brdar, I., Wissing, M. P., Araujo, U., Solano, A. C., Freire, T., Hernández-Pozo, M. D. R., Jose, P., Martos, T., Nafstad, H. E., Nakamura, J., Singh, K. & Soosai-Nathan, L. (2016). Lay definitions of happiness across nations: The primacy of inner harmony and relational connectedness. Frontiers in Psychology, 7(3), https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00030 Faabio, A. D. & Tsusa, A. (2018). The Psychology of Harmony and Harmonization: Advancing the Perspectives for the Psychology of Sustainability and Sustainable Development. Sustainability, 10(12), 4726. https://doi.org/10.3390/su10124726 Gruman, J. A., Lumley, M. N., & González-Morales, M. G. (2018). Incorporating balance: Challenges and opportunities for positive psychology. Canadian Psychology/Psychologie canadienne, 59(1), 54–64. https://doi.org/10.1037/cap0000109 Hanh, T. N. (1992). Peace is every step: The path of mindfulness in everyday life. Bantam. Hanh, T. N. (2014). No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering. Parallax Press. Haybron, D. M. (2013). Happiness: A very short introduction. Oxford University Press. Heider, Fritz (1946). "Attitudes and Cognitive Organization". The Journal of Psychology. 21: 107–112. doi:10.1080/00223980.1946.9917275. PMID 21010780. Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 137

Heine, S., Proulx, T., & Vohs, K. (2006). The Meaning Maintenance Model: On the coherence of social motivation. Personality and Social Psychological Review, 10, 88-111. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327957pspr1002_1 Jacobs, T. (2017). Struggling to reconcile conflicting beliefs? Listen to some Mozart. Pacific Standard. ) https://psmag.com/social-justice/struggling-to-reconcile-conflicting-beliefs- listen-to-mozart-47766?fbclid=IwAR3AWIwsiRXjzMGszxVf6Bd- fgzk4IKSN2NmvkdcpTqENscXI8YT9d_mfMA Kamenetz, R. (1996, May 5). Robert Thurman doesn’t look Buddhist. The New York Times Magazine. https://www.nytimes.com/1996/05/05/magazine/robert-thurman-doesn-t-look- buddhist.html Klein, G. (2007). Performing a project premortem. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2007/09/performing-a-project-premortem Laozi. (2016) Tao Te Ching. CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform. (Original Work published ca. 400 B. C. E.) Leung, A. (2018). Why confronting paradoxes can give you a creative boost. Society for Personality and Social Psychology. http://www.spsp.org/news-center/blog/confronting- paradoxes-creative#gsc.tab=0 Lomas, T. (2016). Flourishing as a dialectical balance: emerging insights from second-wave positive psychology. Palgrave Commun, 2, 16018. https://doi.org/10.1057/palcomms.2016.18 Lyubomirsky, S., King, L., & Diener, E. (2005). The Benefits of Frequent Positive Affect: Does Happiness Lead to Success? Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 803-855. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.131.6.803 Ponti, C. (2017). ‘Emotional diversity’ is more important than happiness. The Cut. https://www.thecut.com/2017/08/emotional-diversity-is-more-important-than- happiness.html Ryan, R. M., Huta, V., & Deci, E. L. (2008). Living well: A self-determination theory perspective on eudaimonia. Journal of Happiness Studies: An Interdisciplinary Forum on Subjective Well-Being, 9(1), 139–170. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-006-9023-4 Ryff, C. D. (1989). Happiness is everything, or is it? Explorations on the meaning of psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 57(6), 1069– 1081. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.57.6.1069 The editors of TIME. (2019). The science of stress: Manage it. Avoid it. Put it to use [Special ed.]. Waterman, A. S. (1993). Two conceptions of happiness: Contrasts of personal expressiveness (eudaimonia) and hedonic enjoyment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64, 678–691. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.64.4.678 Wong, P. T. P. (1998). Implicit theories of meaningful life and the development of the Personal Meaning Profile. In P. T. P. Wong, & P. Fry (Eds.), The human quest for meaning: A Made for Resilience and Happiness: Effective Coping with Covid-19 138

handbook of psychological research and clinical applications (pp. 111-140). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum. Wong, P. T. P. (2011). Positive psychology 2.0: Towards a balanced interactive model of the good life. Canadian Psychology, 52(2), 69-81. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0022511 Wong, P. T. P. (2012). Toward a dual-systems model of what makes life worth living. In P. T. P. Wong (Ed.), The human quest for meaning: Theories, research, and applications (2nd ed., pp. 3-22). New York, NY: Routledge. Wong, P. T. P. (2016). Chinese positive psychology revisited. International Journal of Existential Psychology and Psychotherapy, 6(1). http://journal.existentialpsychology.org/index.php/ExPsy/article/view/174/157 Wong, P. T. P. & Bowers, V. (2018). Mature happiness and global wellbeing in difficult times. In N. R. Silton (Ed.), Scientific concepts behind happiness, kindness, and empathy in contemporary society (pp. 112-134). Hershey, PA: IGI Global.

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Endorsements