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REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD? THE LIVED EXPERIENCE OF USING TECHNOLOGY TO RECONNECT WITH OLD FLAMES/LOST LOVES: A QUALITATIVE STUDY A DISSERTATION SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY IN THE GRADUATE SCHOOL OF THE TEXAS WOMAN’S UNIVERSITY DEPARTMENT OF HUMAN DEVELOPMENT, FAMILY STUDIES, & COUNSELING COLLEGE OF PROFESSIONAL EDUCATION BY THELMA L. ROUSE, M.B.A., M.A. DENTON, TEXAS AUGUST 2020 Copyright ©Thelma L. Rouse, 2020 all rights reserved. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS With God all things are possible and through Christ I can do all things. I would like to thank God Almighty for surrounding me with such a wonderful support system to finish this portion of my journey. He placed a lot of awesome people and great opportunities in my life along this journey. As I continue to run this race. I look forward to so much more. To my husband Herman and my daughters, Imani and Iyana, I love you all very much and I thank you for the many times you have provided a listening ear, as I pondered various ideas over the course of my study at Texas Woman’s University or when you volunteered to be my “road dawgs” as I commuted to campus for various reasons. I like to thank my fur babies Coco and Ditto for remaining dutifully by my side to offer a belly to rub, a wet nose kiss, or a snuggle at my feet while I studied. To my dissertation committee, Dr. Brock, Dr. Hwang, and Dr. Ladd, I am grateful for your guidance and reassurance throughout this portion of my academic career. Dr. Vittrup, Dr. Woods, Dr. Jennings, and Dr. Kuhn, I thank you all for challenging me to grow academically, personally, and professionally. To the late Dr. Nancy Kalish, who offered much needed guidance and support, and taking the time to answer my e-mails. I deeply appreciate your insight while further researching the lost love phenomenon. To all my friends, extended family, colleagues, supervisors, and classmates, you are all awesome. I am forever grateful for all the encouraging words along the way and the emotional support you have offered me over my years of study. To all participants, thank you for your time and courageously sharing your narratives with me. To my Midwestern State University and Wayland Baptist University professors and colleagues, my siblings (Shadrach, Lue Dora, Vivian, Allie, and Katreasa), U.S. Air Force family, and my dearly departed parents Willie and Julia C’Wright, I thank you, as you all have been invaluable along my journey, inspiring me to complete what I have started, keeping my oath not only to others, but to myself, and instilling hope and courage in me to do great things regardless of naysayers. ii ABSTRACT THELMA L. ROUSE REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD? THE LIVED EXPERIENCE OF USING TECHNOLOGY TO RECONNECT WITH OLD FLAMES/LOST LOVES: A QUALITATIVE STUDY AUGUST 2020 Rekindled romances with lost loves are nothing new. Reconnections today seem almost always to involve some modality of online technological influence. Using the phenomenological approach, this study aimed to explore the phenomenon of using technology to reconnect with old flames/lost loves during a committed relationship and how such reconnections may have influenced the quality and stability of the current or most recent couple relationship. Through semi-structured interviews, participants in committed relationships or who were in a committed relationship during which this phenomenon occurred communicated their own narratives and defined their own meanings of this phenomenon in their lives. Potential clinical implications for marriage and family therapists and other helping professionals, as well as possible implications for future research are presented based on the results of this study. iii TABLE OF CONTENTS Page ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ................................................................................................ ii ABSTRACT ....................................................................................................................... iii LIST OF TABLES ............................................................................................................. vi Chapter I. INTRODUCTION ............................................................................................................1 Statement of the Problem .............................................................................................6 Purpose of the Study .....................................................................................................7 Research Questions ......................................................................................................7 Theoretical Framework ................................................................................................8 Definition of Terms ....................................................................................................10 Delimitations of the Study ..........................................................................................11 Assumptions of the Study ...........................................................................................12 The Researcher as a Person ........................................................................................12 Summary.....................................................................................................................13 II. REVIEW OF LITERATURE........................................................................................15 Rekindled Romance with Former Lovers...................................................................17 Reconnection Through Social Media or E-mail .........................................................20 Communication Activities Between Former Romantic Partners ...............................26 Internet/Online Infidelity versus Technological Reconnection ..................................28 Summary.....................................................................................................................35 III. METHODOLOGY ......................................................................................................36 Methodological Approach ..........................................................................................36 Sampling Procedures and Recruitment Process .........................................................37 Sample Description ....................................................................................................40 Human Protection of Participants ...............................................................................42 Instrumentation ...........................................................................................................43 iv Interview Procedures ..................................................................................................44 Data Analysis Procedures ...........................................................................................48 Credibility ...................................................................................................................52 Summary.....................................................................................................................53 IV. RESULTS ....................................................................................................................54 Research Question #1 What are the lived experiences of people who have been involved in a technological reconnection with an old flame/lost love?3) ..................55 Research Question #2 In what ways, if any do technological reconnections with an old flame/lost love impact a committed relationship? ................................................61 Summary.....................................................................................................................66 V. DISCUSSION ...............................................................................................................68 Interpretation of the Findings .....................................................................................69 Implications for Theory and Research .......................................................................75 Limitations of the Study .............................................................................................76 Recommendations for Future Research......................................................................77 Clinical Implications for Practice ...............................................................................78 Summary.....................................................................................................................82 REFERENCES .............................................................................................................84 APPENDICES A. Recruitment Flyer ..................................................................................................93 B. E-mail Script for Distribution of Recruitment Flyer .............................................95 C. Phone Script to Respond to Participant’s Inquiries ...............................................97 D. Email Script to Respond to Participant’s Inquiries ...............................................99 E. Informed Consent to Participate in Research .......................................................102 F. Demographic Questionnaire .................................................................................106 G. Interview Guide ...................................................................................................109 H. Referral List