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Heal Better with

Feelings of , hurt, and disappointment can have a serious effect on your health. Your mind, body and spirit are connected on many levels. It is common to hold strong inside or ignore them. If you avoid your feelings, it can lead to headaches, stomach or other illness in your body. It may also cause forgetfulness, , , or spiritual crisis. There are many reasons you may have strong feelings such as long-lasting anger, hurt, or disappointment. Sometimes the only way to put an end to such feelings is to work on coming to peace with them. It may seem easier to hold onto negative feelings than to forgive yourself or others, but the longer you struggle with difficult, unsettled issues, the more harmful they may become. Hurt, and anger can build up inside until you come to accept your feelings. It may help to talk about these strong feelings. The first step is seeing how your negative feelings can get in the way of your daily life, your health and your ability to heal.

Here are key points about forgiving and letting go: • Forgiving does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness helps, but it may not take all the pain away. While you may still grieve a loss, forgiveness can lessen your . • Forgiveness does not remove the responsibility for the behavior. When you forgive, you make an active decision to stop holding on to pain, hurt, or anger, even though you felt you were wronged. By forgiving, you free yourself from thinking about or dwelling on the hurt, anger or bitterness. This can bring about more positive feelings.

This handout is for informational purposes only. Talk with your doctor or health care team if you have any questions about your care. © May 14, 2018. The Ohio State University Comprehensive Cancer Center – Arthur G. James Cancer Hospital and Richard J. Solove Research Institute. Sometimes the most important person to forgive is you. Understanding your own behavior helps you to be aware of how your actions others. Having too much or guilty all the time can be destructive. Accept yourself as valuable and precious, but not perfect. Your spiritual or religious beliefs may be helpful to you. Many religious beliefs the importance of forgiving and being forgiven. You may find it helpful to talk with a therapist or a spiritual or religious counselor. Whatever your belief, here is a guide on how to work through the process of forgiveness.

Ten Stepping Stones to Forgiveness: 1. Change your beliefs about forgiveness. Forgiveness is an act of strength, not of weakness. 2. Stop being a victim – you do have a choice. Choose to believe that if you hold on to grievances and unforgiving thoughts you may suffer. 3. Anger and judgment can only hurt you. You cannot change the past. Past events cannot hurt you. Your emotional pain is caused by your thoughts. 4. Be nonjudgmental. See the value of letting go of your judgments. The happiest people choose not to judge and know the value of forgiveness. 5. Do not hold on to anger. Anger and peace, judgment and do not happen at the same time. It will not bring you what you truly want. Ask yourself this question, “Does holding on to my anger really bring me peace of mind?” 6. Do not punish yourself. Your thoughts about the past may cause you to suffer. Do not punish yourself. Instead, choose to yourself and others. 7. Accept your past. Live in the present and see your future with . 8. Choose to be happy rather than right. Do not try to control others. Focus on your own thoughts and give yourself the gift of freedom and peace. 9. Choose the thoughts you put into your mind. Your mind is affected by all the thoughts that you have. You have the power to choose positive or negative thoughts.

Heal Better with Forgiveness 10. Make peace of mind your only goal. Focus on the goal of internal peace. See yourself as the one in charge of whether you are happy. Let go of strong negative feelings and let positive thoughts come into your mind.

Adapted from “10 Stepping Stones to Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Health” by Gerald Jampolsky, M.D. and Diane Cirincione, Ph. D.

Here is an exercise that you may find helpful: 1. Write down the things you think you have done wrong. It is more healing if you write out this list instead of typing it. 2. Read the list. 3. Now say “I did the best that I could with the knowledge that I had at the time. I now forgive myself and set myself free.” 4. Destroy the list. 5. Repeat this exercise for each of the people that you feel has hurt you. Write down the things you think they have done wrong. Read the list. Now say, “He/She did the best that they could with the knowledge that they had at the time. I now forgive him/her and set him/her free.” Destroy the list.

For more support to help you with your feelings: You may find it helpful to talk with your pastor, counselor or spiritual advisor. While you are in the hospital, professional counselors and chaplains are available to assist you. Ask your doctor or nurse about these services.

Heal Better with Forgiveness