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Dealing with Disappointment Dear Parents, I Am Sure That You Are

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Dealing with Disappointment Dear Parents, I Am Sure That You Are Dealing with Disappointment Dear Parents, I am sure that you are experiencing a variety of emotions during this strange season in which we find ourselves. In uncertain times, we tend to focus on what appears essential and most necessary. Anxiety seems to be at the forefront of everyone’s minds, and I hope that you are giving it the time and attention it needs in order to fight it. I hope you, your spouse, or valued and wise friend are finding space to have private conversations away from your children to express and process the very real and valid fears that are cropping up. Caring for your emotions is the best way to have the ability to care for your child’s emotions. Because anxiety and fear currently feels pertinent, we listen to our fears; we hear them out, and then, we speak truth into the uncertainty. We cling to Bible verses that state God’s promises and His faithfulness, and we at least attempt to keep the anxiety at bay. I have been ruminating on Jeremiah 29, where the Lord is sending his people into exile. He is warning them they will be away for a quite a while and instructs them to invest, plant, marry, and “seek the peace and prosperity” in their scattered locations. It is after these instructions that the Lord gives the calming and reassuring promise that He knows his plans for His people; He promises “a hope and a future.” Remembering that God is not surprised by any of my circumstances, even though I find myself in a type of exile, helps me calm and still my heart. We often know how to respond in a critical moment, or at least, we give it our best shot. But what about the daily frustrations and the emotions that do not seem so critical? I find those often get swept aside and dismissed. And yet, it is often the small inconveniences, the small moments of discord that fester. As I talk with families and think about my own experience, I am finding that disappointment seems to be the overriding theme of our “shelter in place” season, especially for children. We are disappointed when it is raining outside. We are disappointed when we have chicken for dinner, again. We are disappointed when we cancel a family vacation that we knew was truly a luxury. We are disappointed when our favorite weekend pastimes are not available to us due to the closing of zoos and museums. However, I think we have a tendency to overlook and dismiss disappointment, because we relegate it to a lower level of importance. We soldier on, because it is not a critical loss. There are others whose need is greater. But, the disappointment festers. And, when disappointment festers, stronger emotions grow. Misbehavior, sibling squabbling, defiance, and grumpiness grows among children. Edginess and critical attitudes grow in adults. This is indeed a disappointing season – a season of canceled plans, limited freedom, and great uncertainty. Disappointment is a valid emotion, and disappointment, along with fear, anger and grief, deserves acknowledgement and care. I want to encourage you to utilize the same processes with which you would fight your anxiety to handle what may seem like a small matter in the moment. Simply naming and validating a small loss, a delay, or a cancelation can help avoid building a mountain of frustration, disappointments, and small grievances that one day erupts as a volcano. Taking time to listen to the disappointment and acknowledge it, just as you would a fear, can enable it to be heard and maybe even resolved. However, if it is not easily resolved, we listen well and then speak truth to the disappointment. Each time we listen, validate and address a disappointment, we take one more experience and remove it from the emotional mountain. Our attitudes shift; our frustration level decreases; our interactions grow more pleasant, and our edginess softens. When we look at the pile of small disappointments and sort through them, we clear the air and renew our ability to persevere through the disappointments that may come tomorrow. I do hope you are all safe and healthy at home. While I pray that disappointment is the most intense emotion your family experiences during our time at home, I also hope that you give each emotion the attention and care that it deserves. I pray for the continued health and provision for each of our families. Please reach out if I can be of service to you or your children at this time. Blessings, Emily Bush Lower School Counselor .
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