On the Train

#2.41.1 ‘A Glimpse of Humour’ 14 October 2011 X they ask is, ‘What is your favourite building (in the city you live)?’ And I Wrap realise one of my favourite building in ~ Rap -~ to talk., conversation. Cape Town is none other than the Cape ~ a piece of thin, flat bread that can contain Town Station. There are famous posters anything eaten as a sandwich. of New York Station with the sunlight ~ Signaling the end (ie of a week) streaming through the windows and Cape ~ Under wraps – secret. Town Station has that quality as well, especially in the early morning and late afternoon. Awesome! OOnn tthhee TTrraaiinn Empty handed If a survey should be done about all Train Ride (Cape Town) the passengers on all the trains you Train travel is something I really would find that 10% sleep, 30% read, enjoy and just when I thought I have 10% do nothing but train watch, and the possibly written everything about most 60% fiddle with their phones. trains, Metrorail throws a spanner in These days a phone can be almost the works. anything; radio, music player, games, Answering the Question web, chat, email, TV, movies, anything. In the Sunday Times Review every week Just this morning I saw a school they have an interview with somebody ‘laaitie’ playing cricket on his phone. interesting and one of the questions All in time of the month there is a lot of drinking Metrorail has put new Digital Signboard going on as well. Though many believe up in the Cape Town Station and both you are not being PC when you say the are switched on. Which is moerse people from Mitchells Plain is confusing as both have different times. different I beg to differ. According to the old board I am early If it’s so common knowledge, why does and according to the new board I missed Metrorail not do something about it? Oh the train. Then you run (the only yes, budget constraints. running I do) to the platform to find the clock on the platform has another Let there be light time completely and your train is gone A new trend of Metrorail is not to while the new Digital Signboard is replace the broken light bulbs in the train carriages. So if you take the saying the train is boarding. train on a dark day you would be unable to read. I wonder what would happen if all the lights fuses in a carriage, will Metrorail replace it then. Or they just don’t switch on the lights. So sitting down on a seat that you thought was empty may just be full of surprises. Menage Trois The older trains have luxury seats for First Class/Metroplus. This consists of seat at right angles to the side of the All cut up train. On the one side there are rows The train carriages these days has new of double seats and on the other rows villains and most probably school kids of triple seats. I always try to sit at as most of the graffiti has the end of the first row of three seats so spelling mistakes of a high school kid that I can have a lot of space for my doing badly at school. These day they legs, bag and when I am reading my tend to rip the seats to shreds with a newspaper. But inevitably a ‘big’ sharp instrument. And Metrorail, due to person comes sit in the middle of the budget constraints, does not have money triple seats thus squashing me like to fix seats so it will just toothpaste and I end up sitting with deteriorate further. I would love to only a quarter of a bum on the seat. witness this act of vandalism just to When the train is full you get squashed see if I will have some restraint. They from the other side as well and you end mustn’t just be a lot of big boys. up breathing through only one lung; And Last Carriage if there is a Merciful Lord the A story was related to me now the other squashers actually smell nice. Needless to say, I try not to sit there anymore. day about the trains on Mitchells Plain line – Nobody wants to sit in the last Smelling like roses carriage, or rather, no decent person In the newer trains with the longs want to sit in the last carriage. seats I use to sit in the first seat Everybody tries to sit from the second next to the door so that I can have last carriage onwards. that a bit more space. Until, more than And do you know why? once, someone comes and stand in the doorway next to you and raise their arm Because in the last carriage the guys to hang onto the rail. And if there is smoke dagga; in the morning and in the a Merciful Lord the hangers-on use evenings. Only in Mitchell’s Plain. deodorant. Otherwise you have to The people complain they smell like breathe through your ears as your nose dagga when they get out of the train. and olfactory senses just shut down. I At the end of the week and at the end avoid that seat like the plague now. Makkasan Station, Bangkok, Thailand Taxi Ride That smile really made my day. What has taxis to do with trains you might ask? Well. The Upper Deck at Cape Until two stops further down I Town Station has huge taxi rank. So remembered by wife telling me when I when the train is in Cape Town Station woke up that I probably was sleeping sometimes you can hear the music from too long on the one side of my face the taxis and sometimes it makes the because and I had a deep crease running windows of the train rattle. If it is across my face, all the way from my that loud and it makes the train’s forehead to my chin, like a scar on a bad guy in those old western movie. windows rattle what does it do to the brains of the passengers in the taxi? Bummer. That Smile My day came down to earth with a bump A train ride can be defined as a and my ego bounced around like a dog in journey with strangers, but often there heat with no place to go or to some is a lot of inter-action between these whatever. It took me days to recover my strangers. Which brings me to the story damaged self-esteem. of the one morning, on my way work, in Soundly Sleeping the train, a gorgeous young thing, all And another day my ego got sorely smiles and sunshine, got in two stops bruised was the one day in summer where down from mine. As she approached me, I fell asleep on the train. (and I remember; all this happened in very slow motion to me), she looked I woke up at Athlone Station, the stop deeply into my face almost as if she before mine, with all the passengers knew me. As she got closer her face lit around me looking me on; watching me up in the most brilliant smile. I, of intently. I don’t know if I was snoring course was taken aback, as women don’t or dreaming or making funny noise or pulling faces. come on to me like they use to in the old days. (Okay, okay, I’m exaggerating Or worse talking in my sleep. But the just a little but who is telling the intense looks I got from all the story here?). passengers around me meant that I Ratchaprarop Station, Bangkok, Thailand actually was doing something strange. They don’t want to end up on the Cape And I wasn’t going to actually ask them Flats. At night. On a train. There might be vampires, werewolves brown why they were looking at me. Nowaise. people on the train!! I lie, according Bitch Fight to the DA there is no racists in Cape Just when you thought Metrorail won’t Town, according to the ANC everybody give you anything to write about, they who do not vote for the ANC and some pull another one. They probably don’t who do vote ANC may or may not be want to don’t disappoint all their racist. The ANC like to vary it. paying customers. They probably like Anyway. having this ‘captive’ audience. They have two announcers, a automated, Exasperated and Amused sophisticated one and a other, uh, more Sometimes Metrorail gets you down to earth one. Sometimes they exasperated and amused at the same confuse the shirt out of you by their time. The 1714 is running late and the conflicting announcements. The one says 1726 arrives. It is almost 1726. There the train on Platform 15 is going to are no announcements. Which train will leave first? Fish Hoek via Wynberg and the other says the train on Platform 15 is going Passengers disperse almost equally to Retreat via Cape Flats. So you sort between the two trains. of stand on the platform with one foot I’m in the 1714 because that is in the train until they get it right. supposed to leave first. They probably have a bitch fight in the Whistle. Control Room for control of the trains. Until, finally, the un-erudite un- The doors close and 1726 starts leaving automate says, in a more urgent voice, and at the same time there is an says the train on Platform 15 is going announcement that the 1714 has been to Retreat via Cape Flats.

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