Thursday 23rd June 2016 PROUDLY PRINTED IN THE THEATRE AND CIRCUS FIELDS OF FESTIVAL FREE • LIBERA • GRATIS Right LIZ CLEGG: A on cue EAVIS: NOT Onetime­ snooker titan Steve HERO WALKS Davis brings his bag of weird records to Glastonbury BY JOHN LEWIS AMONG US The long-standing crew READY FOR member is taking care of women and children Around Glastonbury, you’ll find literally hundreds of top DJs in the Calais refugee camp BY KATIE GLASS playing a huge variety of musics around dozens of stages. But, unless Ray Reardon is playing a surprise Liz Clegg, a former firefighter from trauma. They repeatedly put DOUGHNUTS microhouse and neurofunk slot Devon and a mother-of-two who’s themselves in danger attempting the in the Glade, you’ll not find described as a sweary, chain-smoking dangerous crossing to the UK. For With Glastonbury Festival 2016 under way, we hear many five-time World Snooker Mother Teresa, was supervising the now, the camp is “the only place they Champions among their number – litter-pick at last year’s Glastonbury can call home”. from the man who started it all BY CHRIS SALMON nor will you find many playing as Festival when she heard about the Despite authorities bulldozing weird and as varied a set as Steve infamous refugee camp in Calais, the camp in March, Clegg stayed on "Interesting" Davis. the Jungle. Immediately, she knew to continue her work. “Emotionally In 1983, at the height of his what to do. “I read about how they we’re on a high-speed rollercoaster It’s lunchtime on Wednesday, and spirit is wonderful, though. I heard my bank manager!”). He’s also fame, Davis – aged 25 – appeared needed camping equipment and it and after nearly a year being at is grabbing a moment one person who’d been in his car extremely energised about this on BBC Radio 4’s Desert Island wasn’t rocket science,” says Clegg the front of the situation in Calais in his Worthy Farm office between overnight interviewed on the radio year’s line-up, particularly Jeff Discs. His choices, which included in her typically matter-of-fact way. it is still horrendous,” she says. “The meetings. Outside, the gates are open this morning, saying that the Festival Lynne’s ELO. “I hope that he plays a slow jam by Narada Michael (She’s as famous for her no-nonsense only thing that keeps me going is and Festival-goers are arriving, but is definitely worth waiting for. He all of his fantastic songs,” he says. Walden, some acoustic pastoralism manner as she is her big heart.) So the honour to have met so many Eavis is still focusing his attention on was still in a good mood at 5am! Isn’t “That will be a major event. It from Gentle Giant, a feverishly last July, she bought a truck off amazing and resilient people from all the traffic around the site. that incredible?” really is like we have four headliners Michael Eavis and, after filling it over the world.” “There were tailbacks in the Forty-six years after Eavis first these days.” with wellies, stoves and tents left You can help support Liz places where they used to be 10 or 15 held a music festival on his farm, it’s Eavis also takes a moment to behind after last year’s Festival, set Clegg’s Women And Children’s years ago,” he says. “Things have been abundantly clear that he still *really* talk about the rumours that he plans off for France. Centre, which provides a safe so much better in recent years, but cares about the event and the people to organise an event down the road Arriving in Calais, Liz half-jokes, space for hundreds of children and the weather in advance this year has who attend it. “At my age, I should at Longleat. “That’s really on the the camp was “partly reminiscent women in the camp, 24 hours a been a real problem. It really has. But probably be sitting in a deckchair backburner for now,” he says. “But of old school traveller and festival day, seven days a week, by donating I’ve just heard that we’ve definitely on Weymouth seafront eating it’s something we are looking at for sites, but I was still shocked to see to mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/ broken the back of the queues, which doughnuts,” grins Eavis, who turned the next fallow year, which is likely so many people living rough”. Also, junglewomenscentre is obviously fantastic news.” 80 at the end of last year. to be in 2019.” with typical good humour, she plays Eavis has been up for much of Instead, during our short chat, Could that mean saying down the danger, the riots and the the night, working with his team on Eavis enthuses about the extra urinals goodbye to Worthy Farm forever? “high level” of desperation she saw. getting people onto the site. “We’ve on site this year, which it’s hoped will “Absolutely not. It’s just important operatic instrumental by Magma, In those first few months she got an incredible crew,” he says, convince people not to pee on the that we try another site. We could and a muscular jazz-funk workout distributed to everyone, but over time “but the conditions were against us. land (“so important”) and positively have all kinds of problems here with by George Duke, can, in retrospect, she became aware of particular need We did everything we could, but raves about Jo Blackburn, who the livestock we have – horrible be seen as A Rather Big Clue for among women and children. So Liz unfortunately some people did sit in oversees all of the Festival’s traders things like foot and mouth – which what was to come. began supporting them, “seven days their vehicles for a long time. Their (“Do you know, she used to be could close us down. Longleat is only At the time, he told Roy a week, 24 hours a day”. Setting up 18 miles down the road and it looks Plomley that he had “around 300” a women’s tent and caring for over like a good place if we ever did an records. His record collection now 400 unaccompanied children in the alternative site.” is in the tens of thousands, featuring camp, Clegg helped them find clothes, So there won't be a traditional everything from prog to punk to food, shelter – but perhaps most year off? “I’m getting old,” he says, soul to electronica. He’ll be playing importantly, she provided emotional beaming. “I can’t afford another some of it at 5pm on Thursday support to children (mainly from year off! To waste another year at evening in the Stonebridge Bar. Afghanistan) burdened by horrific my age is unthinkable! HAHAHA! Don’t expect Snooker Loopy – do stories of how they had made their Besides, we’ve got the best festival expect downtempo electronica, way to the camp: children had been team in the world. And they don’t obscure French fusion and physically and sexually abused as want a year off either!” Canterbury scene weirdness mixed they were smuggled abroad and Still chuckling, Eavis starts to up with unlikely incursions from many of their parents had been head for his trusty red Land Rover Black Sabbath, Frank Zappa, and murdered. and his next meeting (something . “The nearest thing you “The stories of their journeys to do with drainage). It’s been a can compare it to is maybe Stuart are sickening,” says Clegg. “Being stressful few days, but it’s wonderful Maconie’s Freak Zone on 6 Music,” locked below deck on the boats and to see him taking so much joy from says Davis. “But maybe a bit more nearly drowning; being trapped in his role. “How could I not?” he says. out there. You will hear stuff you lorries where people have died next “This thing that I created all those know and stuff you’ve never heard, to them; being beaten by traffickers. years ago just became extraordinary. and hopefully something you will It’s an endless series of abuse.” In It really is unbelievable. I’m enjoying find amazing.” the camp the same children suffered it more than ever. I truly am!” CONTINUES ON PAGE 3 isolation, starvation and emotional 2 THE GLASTONBURY FREE PRESS THURSDAY 23RD JUNE 2016 THE SECRET LIFE OF GLASTONBURY Glastonbury staff, performers and party people (reluctantly) reveal their own top tips for the Festival

MICHAEL EAVIS army tent thrown casually over interaction. You want a tip? Walk there, and they always have surprise authentic NYC gay club this side PAUL CHARLES ACOUSTIC the top perfectly camouflages this and explore with no destination in gigs around the fire. The first time of the pond. It’s totally bonkers. The STAGE AREA ORGANISER The Underground Piano Bar is a real genuine link to the dawn of British mind and be open to where your we played at Glastonbury was by Rabbit Hole is a pretty well-known secret treat. I think they first came to festival culture. It’s always full of curiosity takes you. the Strummerville fire in 2012. The secret but it really has to be seen to be At the bottom of the field housing the the Festival about 20 years ago. They weird and wonderful (mainly naked) show was a bit of a mess but we had believed. It’s just above the Stonebridge Acoustic Stage is a row of urinals. Get were booked by the Greencrafts Field people chatting about anything and LUCY SMITH an awesome time and I can’t wait Bar in The Park. And embrace your in the queue for the second one from originally. I didn’t know anything everything with a cheery hopefulness GREEN COORDINATOR to head back there this year to see phone with zero battery – just the left – you’ll find it’s by far the about it at all until I stumbled upon and a great cup of tea. Champneys it what’s going on. wander off into the Festival and meet most popular (as well as the cleanest) them. I went down this hole in the ain’t – funky, free, and hot as toast it I love taking a walk to The Magical Friday, The Other Stage, new friends. in the row. Once inside, secure the ground and went, “Crikey! What certainly is. Tree House, nestled in an ancient 8.40pm Friday, Stonebridge Bar, 10pm door… as you do. You’ll notice the is this?!” It’s absolute pure magic. Sunday, Poetry & Words, 1.25pm; oak tree at the top of The Park away toilet seat doesn’t open. Don’t worry It’s run by some Irish folks from Cabaret Stage, 4.10pm from the hustle and bustle. Wander SARAH SAUNDERSON JOHN HEGLEY about that. Sit on it (fully robed, of Dublin and I always go there and up there and you’ll find cakes baked INFRASTRUCTURE POET course) then rotate the toilet roll anti- sing a few songs. And I don’t actually LARS ULRICH by glittery fairies, elves, and other clockwise while shouting, “Michael drink much, but I do like an eggcup METALLICA woodland creatures, and you can sip Rest a while in what I call the tinkly For the scorching: a hat or a cap... Eavis for Prime Minister!” The toilet full of poitín. They offer me more, Pimms or herbal tea while relaxing winkly fields – aka, the Healing fields. a manual torch, and a nap unit will disappear into the ground. but I don’t drink more than one. It’s For me, Glastonbury is the ultimate to impromptu sets of dub, funk, It’s so peaceful and a million miles in the late afternoon Open the door in front of you and powerful stuff! But it always sets me in losing myself and getting lost. I or spoken word. It’s only a stone’s away from the chaos of Babylon is a festival boon, you’ll step out into a marvellous up for my night out! love trekking through the endless throw away from some amazing Uprising. And if you’ve never done although, not in the mud, by a tap. chill space modelled on the Ryanair mazes and experiences the hallowed music on The Park Stage and HMS so, you should definitely wander Saturday, Poetry & Words, Super Lounge at Stansted Airport. MURRAY LACHLAN YOUNG grounds have to offer. When I get Sweet Charity, which takes you on a through the Theatre & Circus fields 6.10pm The problem is, it’s so long since POET to Glastonbury I finally feel free musical cruise around the globe. – the walkabout acts are hilarious. I used it that I’m not sure if it's the and my experience becomes one that CHRIS MARTIN second from the left now or not, so Staying properly clean at a festival represents the utmost dichotomy DAN SMITH TODDLA T you might need to try several doors is one thing but the energy boost – which is being unencumbered BASTILLE DJ & PRODUCER before you find the right one. If, on provided by a sauna is something and autonomous, but sharing that I love taking some time out to sit on the other hand, you need time just to special. That’s why I like Sam’s Magic headspace with 200,000 other people. Me and my friends have had some NYC Downlow is the ultimate the grass up above the Stone Circle, clear your head then the cinema tent, Hat Sauna. Bottom left (facing up) I love the opposing energies between brilliant times at the Strummerville late-night experience. Part film set, just looking out across the whole site between their brilliant movies, is just in Green Futures, I think. DIY-hippy the mental and psychological campfire. There’s always interesting part rave, it’s a place to lose all your and marvelling at it all. about the quietest haven on the entire architecture of a caravan with an freedom and the physical and human people and good stuff happening inhibitions and party in the most Sunday, Pyramid Stage, 9.30pm Festival site.

Illustration by LONG, LONG WAY Scott Tyrrell U GOT THE FROM HOME (NATURAL) LOOK Meet the Festival’s Pyramid Stage openers, the Keep your eyes peeled – you might not be the Orchestra of Syrian Musicians BY JOHN LEWIS only visitors to Glastonbury’s newest area, The Wood BY EMILY MACKAY “It’s a truly miraculous sound they in a symphony orchestra – first create,” says of the and second violins, violas, cellos, Orchestra of Syrian Musicians for contrabass – and they are joined If you go down to the wildlife list recording what Festival- Arabic Music. “There’s a whole choir, by our traditional instruments, like Stage today, you’re in for a big goers have seen over the weekend. there’s strings, there’s soloists, there’s the qanun, the ney, and the oud, surprise: The Wood, Glastonbury’s “It’s quite amazing what people amazing percussion. It’s a really along with numerous percussion newest secret corner. This leafy do see,” says the RSPB’s Lynne dynamic and joyous sound and it’s instruments. And then there is the spot reveals a side of the Festival Burningham. Tawny and barn owls, stayed with me for all these years.” choir. For me, music is a universal not often appreciated by those of us kestrels, chiffchaffs, wood warblers, The opening act on the Pyramid language that can touch anyone.” who only make it down for a few whitethroats – maybe even cranes; Stage on a Friday morning needs to In March 2013, Issam was ZZ GOLD TOP days or so – the site’s natural look. Lynne has been involved in the be something loud, powerful, rabble- invited to the Northern Illinois With winding woodland paths reintroduction of the latter species to rousing and unifying, which is why University in Chicago to teach and a willow-lined pond, the area the Levels after 400 years, this orchestra are the ideal choice. the institution’s Middle Eastern – formerly unused except as an and hopes for a flypast. Back in 2008, Damon Albarn’s ensemble for a short-term residency. emergency mud dump – has been “There’s also a lot of bullfinches, went to Damascus to The catastrophic civil war in his transformed by the Glade and which I love. They’re really pretty, collaborate with them. “We ended up home country has forced him to WORTHY FM Avalon crew into an enchanted recording several tracks at the opera seek asylum in the US with his wife bower, balancing out the North house,” says the orchestra’s director, and children. Other members of the ON 87.7 FM West end of the site with the sort of Issam Rafea, “one of which, White Orchestra of Syrian Musicians are after-hours magic associated with Flag, ended up on the Plastic similarly exiled. the South East Corner, featuring Beach. We’ve since toured all over “They are living all around light and audio installations, willow the world with them. Damon is a Europe – Germany, Denmark, sculptures, and a camp cafe and bar. real human dynamo! He is a very Sweden, Italy, the Netherlands, “Every night there’s going to be a good musician, someone with an . They are still working, fire-lighting ceremony,” says Glade understanding of many forms of putting on concerts, staying alive. and Avalon area manager Luke music, and an understanding of how Life goes on. It is always fantastic to Piper. “It’ll be a really interesting but they’ve got a rubbish song,” says they fit together.” be back together, making music, and place to just hang out for a bit at the Lynne, who’s excited about what The traditional music of Syria, we’ll have a full five days together end of the day.” The Wood might attract. “There’s a like most Arabic music, is transferred before playing Glastonbury, which And you might not be the only theory I’ve got that birds are either as an aural culture. Since studying will be great.” hangers-out in The Wood. You may really pretty with rubbish voices the oud and the double bass at the Issam also keeps Syrian music not associate Glastonbury with any or they look pretty plain, like a musical conservatoire in Damascus, alive in two smaller acoustic projects BROADCASTING LIVE FROM THE FARM wildlife other than the party kind, nightingale, and they sound very Issam formed the Orchestra of – the jazz-tinged trio Hewar and but the site crew know different. beautiful.” Syrian Musicians in 1994 to integrate the DIO trio for oud, tabla and UNTIL MONDAY 27 JUNE “There’s bees and insects and birds The RSPB will be comparing this aural culture with the written soprano voice. “Of course, my heart everywhere,” enthuses Piper, “I saw Glastonbury spots with those seen culture of Western music. is in Damascus,” says Issam, “and ONLINE AT WORTHYFM.COM some deer the other day. There’s all at WOMAD, so keep your eyes “A lot of this music has been I want to return, and that means the buzzards, hell of a lot of rabbits, peeled. “You don’t really notice it transcribed already,” he says. that the bad thing that is happening GLASTONBURYFESTIVALS.CO.UK masses of squirrels.” And with when you’re standing in front of a “But my project has always been in our country must end. We are LATEST NEWS FROM THE FESTIVAL ~ EXCLUSIVE MIXES woodland in decline across Europe, big stage watching a band,” says Piper, to rearrange these melodies for playing for Syria, for the past, the BY GLASTONBURY ARTISTS ~ BEHIND THE SCENES INFO nurturing existing corners and “but when you wander off and you an orchestra, one that combines present and the future.” planting new trees offers birds and go into The Wood you realise it’s a bit Western classical instruments with The Orchestra of Syrian Musicians V FOR AN IN-TENTS EXPERIENCE V small animals a refuge. like Alice In Wonderland. It’s those Arabic instruments. So we feature with Damon Albarn play the START YOUR DAY WITH WORTHY FM The RSPB have a stall in the magical moments that can make the same string section you’d find Pyramid Stage at 11am, Friday. Green Futures Field and compile a Glastonbury what it is.” THURSDAY 23RD JUNE 2016 THE GLASTONBURY FREE PRESS 3 Q&A: STEVE "INTERESTING" DAVIS

How did you get into DJing? that you can dance to, but from recommend stuff like Surgeon. My I’d lose, I’d end up associating it with I’ve been asked to do soul and funk a lot of different sources that you horizons have been expanded. I love it some album I loved! Towards the end sets since the ’80s. But a few years wouldn’t necessarily assume to be for the same reason I like weird prog of my career, I should have put on a ago, my local community radio dance music, be it Frank Zappa or and jazz – it’s the sound of surprise. bit of or something… station, Phoenix FM, asked me to Herbie Hancock or lots of weird host a show. Me and my mate Kavus electronic stuff. I mean, I’ll be playing What did other snooker pros Snooker is a much more global Torabi started to play an eclectic mix a track by [post-punk outfit]] This make of your listening habits? game these days, isn’t it? of stuff on air – prog, electronica, Heat that you can dance to, and one I was once sitting next to Terry Oh god, yes. People often say that I jazz, the odd familiar song by Black by [This Heat drummer]] Charles Griffiths on a plane. He asked reached my peak during the best years Sabbath or the Beatles. Hayward’s Camberwell Now. And me what I was listening to on my of the game, but snooker is bigger lots of techno… Walkman and I let him listen to now than it’s ever been. Around 27 How different are your live sets? Magma. He winced and gave up after per cent of the Chinese population We’ve done quite a few at our local How did you get into techno? about ten seconds. I don’t think many – that’s nearly 300 million people pub in Bethnal Green. Being a club While presenting my Phoenix snooker players are that obsessive – are said to have watched Ding night, we concentrate on records that FM show, we had a guest called about music. Neal Foulds recently Junhui playing in the 2016 World are not so stroky-beardy and a bit Matt Baber from Sanguine Hum, tweeted that he wasn’t sure if he Championship final. And I think it’s more, ahem, toe tapping. We save the who played me some Boards Of liked the new Radiohead album or only a matter of time before snooker punishingly avant garde stuff for the Canada, which I loved. Through his not. That’s about as close to the avant becomes an Olympic sport. It’s got radio show. recommendation, I ended up getting garde as you’ll get at the Crucible. every right to be there up with obsessed with the stuff by Aphex other control sports like archery Can you dance to it? Twin, Oneohtrix Point Never, Jon Did you ever listen to a bit of and shooting, let alone dressage or Well, I’m not a great dancer. And Hopkins, and Autechre. And then I dark prog before a big match? synchronised swimming. Whatever neither me nor Karvus can beat started visiting a record shop called I’d try not to play music I liked too criteria you choose, you could argue match! But yes, effectively it’s music Phonica in London, where they’d much while preparing for a match. If for its inclusion. Same with darts. Illustration by Pete Fowler DIAMOND DOGS 50P TEA TENT LET’S GO CRAZY BANGING BEANSTHE SOUP LIBRARY Why Hot Chip’s Alexis Taylor will be partying like it’s 1999 on NOW ‘N ZEN Friday night BY EMILY MACKAY HALF KEBABYLON CRABBIESHACK Hot​ ​Chip​ ​have​ ​always​ ​been​ ​down​ ​ happen in that area as far as I know,” Cherry Moon on the piano. (In an FAMOUS WELSH OGGIES with​ ​,​ ​so​ ​who​ ​better ​than says Taylor, “so I’m going to try and odd coincidence, just after Taylor had MAN! them to​ ​pay tribute​ ​to​ ​the​ ​life​ ​and​ ​ tailor it to show that side of his music finished his new solo album Piano, works​ ​of​ ​a​ ​musical​ ​hero​ ​of​ ​our​ ​ a bit more. I imagine it being pretty Prince announced his solo Piano And HALF times?​ ​Prince​ ​megafan​ ​Alexis​ ​Taylor celebratory, but I’ll see how the mood A Microphone tour dates.) BURGER! will​ ​be​ ​spinning​ ​big hits,​ ​rarities, ​ takes me, and see how the crowd After a spell away from GHANDI’S FLIP-­FLOP and​ ​super-​super​-rarities​ ​in the early is. If I can get away with playing a listening, Taylor threw himself back hours of Saturday morning, at more special moment, a quiet song, in, listening to the biggest songs, 12.30am, on the​ ​Genosys Stage. It’s something that brings people together the b-sides, the obscurities. “I was nothing new for Taylor, though. He that isn’t just a party tune, then of very affected by all those different WRAPPERS DELIGHT generally drops at least one Prince course I’ll do that.” sides of it, thinking about him and track in every DJ set he plays, and In the weeks since his idol’s death, the creativity and the life and joy PIGGIE Hot Chip frequently cover If I playing Prince songs has taken on a and spark within it all. It was quite Was Your Girlfriend and Nothing different function for Taylor. “I had horrible coming back down to earth SMALLS HENRY’S BEARD CAFE Compares 2 U. a strange initial period of wanting and thinking that person is no longer PIMP MY FRIES Taylor, you see, is a hardcore to listen to him after hearing the alive; all that’s been lost with him. But CRAYFISH BOB Prince nerd and you can expect news,” he says, “but not really finding at the same time there’s a lifetime’s the unexpected, including tracks anything that I wanted to listen to – worth of music to be able to listen to.” WHAM BAM TIKKA THE PARSNIPSHIP from Prince-associated acts Vanity I just felt too sad. It didn’t really make A tour of a lifetime’s work in a 6 and Morris Day And The Time. sense, to be listening to this largely single hour-long DJ set – it’s going to BATTERSEA PIE STATION CRUST CONDUCTOR Primarily, though, the objective is upbeat funk music; it just felt like the be a squeeze. Says Taylor: “I could do to get you moving. “Slightly more wrong tone.” He turned instead to a whole weekend, I reckon, if I was A SMALL SELECTION OF FOOD STALLS AT THIS YEAR'S FESTIVAL banging sets are usually what the ballads, trying to play Under The given the opportunity.” THE GLASTONBURY CROSSWORD #1 BEZ IS HERE ACROSS DOWN 7 Sensation experienced by campers who 1 Electronic played by TO HELP have forgotten 12 Down, again (4,2) snooker legend Steve Davis (6) We want your questions 8 Cyndi _, Acoustic Stage headliner (6) 2 Wet stuff that falls from the sky, predictably (4) for our new Glastonbury 9 ‘Better _ sex’, phrase used to describe Agony Uncle the miraculous simplicity of 16 Down by 3 Green _, area that is home to The a steam or model boat enthusiast (4) Speakers Forum (7)

10 Babylon _, sound system in the market 4 Type of box employed by Portishead He’s best known as Happy area (8) in 1994 (5) Mondays’ maraca-shaking freaky dancer but there’s more to Bez 11 _ _on the land! Instruction to Festival- 5 Bar in The Park, anagram of ‘muck rash’ than 24-hour partying. He’s goers (4,3) (3,5) also a beekeeping, beer-brewing 13 Place to get hot and steamy, such as 6 What you can do with me, when you’re environmentalist whose We Are Sam’s Magic Hat in the not strong or you can’t get your wellies The Reality Party stood in the (5) on (4,2) 2015 General Election, in Salford 15 Aroma, such as that emanating from a 12 Crucial camping equipment (4,4) and Eccles, on a platform of “free long-drop (5) energy, free food, free anything”. 14 Inevitable consequence of Sundays (7) 17 (Tent) erections gone wrong (4-3) As the years creep by, so Bez’s 16 Item used to power steam boats at a wisdom grows. Which is why 20 Ticket price for the first festival in legendary Glastonbury stall (6) we’ve asked him to take a break 1970 (3,5) from hosting his Flying Bus stage 18 _ Palais, festival cinema (6) 21 Shangri-_, diabolical stage in the in the Unfairground to answer South East Corner (4) 19 Take _, what to do when there’s only your most pressing Glastonbury one toilet roll (5) Festival concerns in our next issue. 22 Vessel used for carrying vast quantities of booze (6) 21 Rabbit _, underground bar with You've got until Friday lunchtime puzzling entry requirements (4) to email your questions to 23 Cowardly Coldplay song (6) [email protected] 4 THE GLASTONBURY FREE PRESS THURSDAY 23RD JUNE 2016 Big time ZIG ZAG WANDERER sensuality What life teaches us about Glastonbury and what Glastonbury How to throw yourself into teaches us about life BY PETE PAPHIDES NYC Downlow’s fetish night BY KATIE GLASS Arriving for my first Glastonbury What happened in the interim, With over 50 stages dotted in 1992, it seemed only natural to me is what happens to all of us. You around the site, Fortune always Imagine Hieronymus Bosch's that, faced with so many delights, I get to middle age and you realise favours the curious. That was a Garden Of Earthly Delights set should squeeze every last drop from that most of those things that make realisation driven home for me in New York’s ’80s gay clubland this orange of opportunity. I planned your life what it is are attributable to by The Kooks in 2007. I’ll always and you get a picture of Jonny meticulously. I even packed a serendipity: your house; your friends; be grateful to those guys for their Woo’s fetish Friday night, held at highlighter pen, so I could go through your partner; your kids. We are all lacklustre Pyramid Stage set, NYC Downlow in Block9. This the programme as if it were the the captains of our own coracles, because if it hadn’t been for them, year, the venue (designed to look Christmas Radio Times. If I was to trying to plot a course to our I wouldn’t have gone off in search like a warehouse in New York’s really make it across from James’s destination. But it’s windy out, and of something more thrilling – and Meatpacking District, circa 1982) set on the Pyramid Stage to The we will almost certainly be blown in doing so, I wouldn’t have happened will be throbbing with the usual Rockingbirds at the Acoustic Tent, off course, often to somewhere upon Africa Express’s unannounced disco and deep house and the promise I would have to know EXACTLY better. Sometimes the weather will four-hour Park Stage set, featuring of being “bigger, badder, butcher” what time to leave the former to get be perfectly still and we’ll get to our Damon Albarn and members of and X-rated. Expect drag queens in to the latter. Yes, it’s all very well destination in good time, only to Tinariwen, , , fetish gear dancing with pansexual schlepping up to the Green Fields to realise that our destination is a bit Rachid Taha and Baaba Maal. boy butchers and more leather sit in the drum circle in a bid to “find underwhelming. I only mention all this because harnesses than Crufts. Not to [your]] own place in a cosmology Glastonbury Festival is no it’s conceivable that you, dear reader, mention erotic performances from that involves earth, heaven and man,” different really, but it took me a might have just arrived at your first porn star Ashley Rider, infamous (from the accompanying book in few years to reach that realisation. Glastonbury and you might also be for pulling things out of his ***. “He the LP, released For years, I had to be in the loop and planning to adopt a highlighter pen tells me he’s an expert at douching in 1972) but NOT if it means I miss catch the headline-grabbing Pyramid strategy. There is no perfect way in portable toilets,” Woo promises. You can buy this poster by Stanley Donwood from the Glastonbury Free Cud on the NME stage. Stage attractions so that I too could to “do” Glastonbury. You might Here are Woo’s tips for getting your Press tent in the Theatre & Circus Field. Other posters are available. So, crazily, that’s what I did. proffer an opinion on them – even not accidentally stumble upon any fetish on. I marched through my first few when I wasn’t enjoying them. See all-star jams, but if you leave the Glastonburys like a young, indie those people who complained that door ajar to happenstance, you will Fetish is about getting Margo Leadbetter, catching all sorts the theatrical psychodrama of Kanye almost certainly go home raving the look. Our performers of attractions, but in the process, West’s 2015 set wasn’t quite what about something you couldn’t have 1 will be in a combination TAKE FIVE missing The Entire Point. Now I’m they expected, but STILL stayed possibly planned for. And it’s far of classic ’80s gay leather looks The chance to win a million, a classical superstar 46. I have children. Life has become until the end? Maybe ten years better this way. Imagine how boring (latex, leather and jock straps) and covering Joy Division, drunk actors – you’d be a more complicated in all sorts of previously that would have been me. novels would be if you got to decide drag queens in corsets and heels. But ways. And yet, I’m through with Instead, I broke with the schedule what happened in the next chapter. come as whatever fetish you like. fool not to venture away from the main stages the highlighter. When I get here, and wandered off to catch George Similarly, you might think you’re Perhaps your fetish is dressing up as there are maybe three things in Clinton and his P-Funk All-Stars the author of your Glastonbury a builder, or a Tesco checkout girl. MARCUS DU SAUTOY in which Shakespeare’s plays were any given day that I’ll resolve to see. unleashing a seismic funk storm at story. In reality, you’re just the Friday to Sunday, Astrolabe Theatre, first performed by letting loose a Everything else is down to chance. West Holts. protagonist. If you haven’t done 2.30pm genuinely boozed-up actor to grapple fetish before don’t be Professor of Mathematics at Oxford with the iambic pentameter. 2 afraid. We’ll make it our Marcus Du Sautoy explores if there’s mission to get you into the vibe. a sure-fire way to win the lottery LOS ARTISTAS BOHEMIOS Anyone who joins us usually ends before laying down the Million Thursday to Sunday, The Common, up totally naked onstage. Dollar Theorem gauntlet. If you 9pm (Thurs), 10.30pm (Fri-Sun) can solve the problem and find the You can walk away from Anyone can do fetish optimal path for visiting each Festival Glastonbury having learnt how to here. It’s all about stage, you could win big. Really big. whittle a walking stick and how 3 unsuspecting straight boys to do the jive, but is your hand from Guildford in their anoraks, BE ‘ONE’ steady enough to take this (free) backpacks and wellies, surrounded Thursday, The Glade, 9.55pm life-drawing class? You can, if you’d by grinding transvestites. I’d like to Wolfgang Buttress’s BE ‘One’ live rather, be the muse and model – but see Michael Eavis come down and show began life as The Hive, a it does all get pretty far-out later on. bring some farmer fetish. 17-metre-high installation he created around the theme “feeding the world”, CHARLOTTE CHURCH’S Fetish cuts the crap. The which features a live audio stream POP DUNGEON ethos is allowing yourself of 40,000 bees. He then turned Monday, The Rabbit Hole, 1am 4 to enjoy overtly sexual this transcendental buzz-drone Charlotte Church continues to slug behaviour and don a hypersexual symphony into a mesmerising album it out with and Gareth look. The injection of NYC and live show in which musicians Bale for the title of greatest living Downlow into the Festival changed play around the honey makers. Welsh person. She’s a passionate the presence of drag and gays at and articulate campaigner and festivals – now they’re everywhere. SHIT-FACED SHAKESPEARE her Pop Dungeon spectacle is Saturday, Bread & Roses, 4pm one of the shows of the year. You don't have to be For most actors the thought of Church retools songs by En Vogue, gay to come. Half the performing drunk is the thing OutKast, Joy Division, Super 5 fun is dragging people out of nightmares. But this rowdy Furry Animals and more in a of the closet and finding boys or girls ensemble celebrate the raucous spirit fierce, fun show. who are gay just for the weekend.

NOTICES

LIGHT BULB MOMENT Head STARMAN Choreographer Fez Fiji, who make their European debut DO PSYCHEDELICS MATTER? Cinema, where they're bringing and more, dominate Mavericks in to the Field on Friday, Fa’anana leads us all in a merry in the Astrolabe Theatre from Professor David Nutt joins writer the decadent era back to life with Bella’s Field with a fast and furious 9.45pm, to see them turning on their Starman dance as part of the Theatre 7.10pm, Friday to Sunday. Graham Hancock to discuss the screenings of vintage silent movies comedy show. super grid. And Circus Fields’ 2016 flash-mob use of psychedelic drugs in research and live Wurlitzer accompaniment. tribute to . Head to HIT ME WITH YOUR MESSAGE and their potential for good. Head Wednesday, 3pm; Thursday, 9.30pm; PROFESSOR BRIAN COX The EXTREME CRAFTING Join in the Gateway in Glebeland from 4pm STICK Head under the Arcadia to The Temple at The Common for Sunday, 12.30am. well-loved scientist gathers an all-star the creation of Olivier Grossetete’s on Thursday. spider on Thursday at 12noon for a 2pm on Saturday. panel for a live version of their BBC 21.5-metre cardboard-box replica special Aboriginal “message sticks” BOOM! BOOM! Introduce your Radio 4 show The Infinite Monkey of Glastonbury Tor’s St Michael’s GET THE PARPIN’ STARTED The ceremony led by an Australian ANY VOLUNTEERS? Get little ones to the bushy-tailed hero Cage on Friday from 12.05pm in the Tower over in the Circus Field from New York Brass Band soundtrack tribal elder. yourself over to Arcadia's terrifying of your youth, Basil Brush, when Cabaret Tent. 11am every day. the brave souls zipping down the mechanical spider from 11.30pm, he plays the Kidz Field Big Top on . drop slide in the Greenpeace Field on DJ DEREK SPECIAL Aidan Larkin Friday to Sunday, and be morphed Thursday, Saturday and Sunday at GLASTO LATINO Feel the rhythm TASTE SENSATION Too much Thursday at 12noon. pays tribute to the Bristol DJ into “extraordinary new beings” in a 5pm and Friday at 3pm. of the, er, day and learn the smooth cider? Try The Beat Hotel’s legend, who died last year, with mind-boggling performance. moves of the salsa and tango and mad concoctions – tequila and SOUTH PACIFIC Not the musical a special set played on Derek’s IMPROV COMEDY From 3pm on be infused with Latin spirit. Dance HP Sauce followed by a cocktail but a traditional-meets-contemporary favoured format: mini-disc. Get SILVER SCREEN Time-travel back Friday, Marcus Brigstocke, Matt lessons at Glasto Latino are held sausage, anyone? Top DJs, too. dance company from Fiji, Vou Dance down to the Hell Stage at on Friday. to the 1920s at the Pilton Palais Kirshen, Micky Bartlett, Josie Long from Wednesday to Sunday, 1pm.