:ERNS-PF.P.AMILy.i:NMA:cTP IN SOUTH •AFRKAN
TERRAC , ARRIAG
Y
MOIRA TEB960 PATIENCE, MAMAS
DISSERTATION
SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILMENT OF THE'
;.-REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF
MASTER OF. ARTS
IN
CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY
AN-THE
DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOG'
FACULTY QF ARTS
AT THE '
RAND AFRIKAANS UNIVERSITY
SUPERVISOR: PROF. K.F.'MAUF
JANUARY 1996 Acknowledgements
I would like to express my sincere thanks and appreciation to the following people for their invaluable assistance:
My promotor, Professor Ricky Mauer, for guidance, discipline, and his demanding, but supportive supervision.
Prof. Dave Beyers, Dr. Marietjie Joubert, and Miss Corinne Oosthuizen, for being great teachers.
Prof. Edward Wolff, Derek Kobe, Robin Hamilton and Thandi Magazine, who went out of their way to help me find subjects for my study.
Betty Diale, Rebecca Mankwe, Lesego Phokanoka and Thabo Matla, for being committed and generous raters.
The subjects who participated in this study for sharing their views of reality with me.
My son, Lekgetha, late brother Molamo, my parents Deret and Lydia, my sister Makgabo, and my youngest brother Jeremia, for love, support and room to grow.
---oOo--- ABSTRACT
This study was prompted by the thousands of frustrated interracial couples who were either compelled to hide their relationships or leave South Africa in order to get married or live where interracial relationships and marriages were permitted. This pattern occurred during the apartheid era, before the repeal of the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act and Section 16 of the Immorality Act. After the repeal of these Acts, the number of interracial couples in South Africa increased as indicated by Central Statistical Service figures for 1990, when 3 212 interracial marriages were reported. In April 1994 South Africa gained its first Democratic Government leading to the investigator being encouraged to undertake this study.
In the study, the investigator explored patterns of family interaction in South African interracial marriages. Eight married couples were interviewed for between 45 minutes to one hour each, and the interviews were taperecorded. Three raters were used by the investigator to score the taped interviews.
Couples seemed to feel that more than any other factor, they had become involved because they loved each other. They seemed to have developed their own style of communication since both verbal and non-verbal acts were seldom misinterpreted by them. Given the past political situation in South Africa, these couples seemed to have developed a closer bond. On the other hand, these couples exhibited the fact that interracial marriages are in most respects like other marriages in terms of their dynamics
Three male adolescent children of the interracial couples were also asked to comp) .-,e the Family Functioning in Adolescence Questionnaire. Two adolescents identified with tl -,.. value systems of their parents, while one adolescent disagreed with his parents' value system.
---o0o--- OPSOMMING
Die groot aantal gefrustreerde veelrassige pare wat genoodsaak was om hul verhoudings in die geheim voort te sit, of andersins hul vaderland te verlaat om elders buite die grense van Suid-Afrika hul verhouding voort te sit of in die huwelik te tree, het aanleiding gegee tot hierdie studie. Hierdie situasie het, voor die opheffing van die Verbod op Gemengde Huwelike en Artikel 16 van die Ontugwet, gedurende die apartheidsera voortgeduur. Volgens syfers wat in 1990 deur die Sentrale Statistiekdiensestel is, het die aantal veelrassige verhoudings en huwelike toegeneem en is 3212 veelrassige huwelike vir daardie jaar gerapporteer. Suid-Afrika het in April 1994 sy eerste Demokratiese Regering verkies en dit het gelei tot 'n groter toename in gemengde huwelike as ooit tevore.
In hierdie studie verken die navorser die model van gesinsinteraksie in veelrassige huwelike in Suid-Afrika en voer persoonlike onderhoude met agt sulke pare. Die onderhoude het tussen 45 minute en een uur geduur en is op band vasgele. Drie beoordelaars is opgelei om die bandopnames van die onderhoude te evalueer. Hierdie onderhoude het aangetoon dat, ongeag van enige ander faktore wat hulle verhoudings kon beinvloed, hulle aangetrokkenheid tot mekaar wel liefde was. Dit blyk verder dat hulle hul eie wyse van kommunikasie ontwikkel het aangesien verbale en nie-verbale kommunikasie selde tot misverstande gelei het. Hierdie pare ondervind egter ook dat hulle verhoudings, ten spyte van die politieke situasie van die verlede, nou baie hegter is. Dit blyk ook duidelik dat veelrassige egpare se huwelik in die meeste opsigte nie veel verskil van enige ander normale huwelik nie.
Drie adolessente jongmense is ook versoek om die Family Functioning in Adolescence Questionnaire te voltooi, wat aangedui het dat twee van die drie adolessente hulle vereenselwig met hul ouers se waardesisteme, terwyl die derde nie daarmee saamgestem het nie.
---o0o--- (iv) TABLE OF CONTENTS
PAGE
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS (i) SUMMARY (ENGLISH) (ii) SUMMARY (AFRIKAANS) TABEL OF CONTENTS (iv) LIST OF TABLES (x) LIST OF FIGURES (xi)
CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION
1.1 BACKGROUND TO THE RESEARCH TOPIC 1
1.2 PREVIOUS RESEARCH ON INTERRACIAL COUPLES 3
RESEARCH DESIGN 4
OUTLINE OF STUDY 5
CHAPTER 2: PERCEIVED AND COMPATIBILITY OF INTERETHNIC MARRIAGE
2.1 INTRODUCTION 6
2.2 BLACK/WHITE INTERMARRIAGE IN THE PAST: A TROUBLED HISTORY 7
2.3 THE HISTORY OF THE IMMORALITY ACT AND PROHIBITION OF MIXED MARRIAGES ACT IN SOUTH AFRICA 9
2.4 INCIDENCE OF MIXED MARRIAGES IN 1989 AND 1990 IN SOUTH AFRICA 11 (v) PAGE
2.5 TRENDS IN BLACK/WHITE INTERMARRIAGE 12
2.6 FRIENDS WHO ARE MIXED COUPLES 13
2.7 THEORIES AND MODELS OF INTERRACIAL MARRIAGES 15
2.7.1 Racial and cultural identity development models 16 2.7.2 The black and white interaction model of Helms 17 2.7.3 An extension of Helms's interaction theory to multi- cultural family counselling 19 2.7.4 Observations and limitations 21
2.8 NATIVITY, INTERMARRIAGE AND MOTHER- TONGUE SHIFTS 22
2.9 COMMUNICATION TRAINING FOR INTERCUL- TURAL COUPLES 24
CHAPTER 3: TYPES OF INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES
3.1 INTRODUCTION 26
3.2 ROMANO'S TYPOLOGY 26
3.2.1 Submission 26 3.2.2 Compromise 26 3.2.3 Obliteration 27 3.2.4 Consensus 28
3.3 REALITY OF INTERMARRIAGE 28
3.4 SEX 29
3.5 SOCIAL CLASS AND POVERTY 30
3.6 LANGUAGE AND PHYSICAL DIVERSITY 31
3.7 FOOD AND DINING ETIQUETTE 32 (vi)
PAGE
3.8 LANGUAGE AND COMMUNICATION 32
3.8.1 Verbal communication 34
3.8.2 Non-verbal communication 34 3.8.3 Communication styles 35
3.9 DEALING WITH STRESS 36
3.10 ILLNESS AND SUFFERING 37
3.11 RAISING CHILDREN 39
3.12 ETHNOCENTRISM 44
3.13 PATTERNS OF FAMILY INTERACTION AND ADOLESCENT SEX-ROLE CONCEPTS 45
3.13.1 Adolescent development of sex-role concepts 46 3.13.2 Individuation in family relationships 46
3.14 CROSS-CULTURAL FAMILY DIFFERENCES: INTERRACIAL ASSESSMENT OF WHITE, BLACK AND MEXICAN-AMERICAN FAMILIES 48
3.14.1 Ethnic comparison 49 3.14.2 Social class comparison 50
3.15 COMPONENTS OF FAMILY LIFE SATISFACTION IN A SAMPLE OF 58 KOREAN/AMERICAN COUPLES 51
3.16 BLACK AND WHITE WOMEN'S ATTITUDES TOWARD INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE 52
3.17 CORRESPONDENCE OF FAMILY THERAPISTS' PERCEPTIONS WITH FAMILY RATIONAL COMMU- NICATION CONTROL CODING SYSTEM (FRCCCS) CODING RULES FOR TRIADIC INTERACTIONS 53 PAGE
3.18 CONCLUSIONS DRAWN FROM THE RESEARCH DISCUSSED 54
CHAPTER 4: RESEARCH DESIGN
4.1 INTRODUCTION 56
4.2 STATEMENTS OF THE PROBLEM 56
4.3 OPERATIONAL DEFINITION 57
4.4. RESEARCH DESIGN 57
4.4.1 Sampling 57 4.4.2 Demographics 57
4.5. MEASURING INSTRUMENTS 57
4.5.1 Family Functioning in Adolescent Questionnaire (FFAQ) 58
4.5.2 The SYMLOG . 59
4.6 RESEARCH QUESTIONS 60
4.7 EXPECTED RESULTS 60
4.8 DATA ANALYSIS 61
4.9 THE SYMLOG LANGUAGE 62
4.10 THE FORMAT OF THE SYMLOG MESSAGE ACCORDING TO BALES, COHEN AND WILLIAMSON (1979) 63
4.11 CONCLUSION 66
4.11.1 The nature of interpretations 66 PAGE
4.12 TRAINING RATERS 67
4.12.1 Inter-rater reliability 68
4.13 CONCLUSION 68
CHAPTER 5: RESEARCH FINDINGS
5.1 INTRODUCTION 69
5.2 PROBLEMS EXPERIENCED 69
5.2.1 Demographics 69
5.3 COMMON THEMES 70
5.3.1 Language 70 5.3.2 Experiences of these couples 70 5.3.3 Socio-political factors 71 5.3.4 Crime and safety 71 5.3.5 Economic concerns 72 5.3.6 The Government 73 5.3.7 Uncommon themes 73 5.3.8 Conclusion 74
5.4 SYMLOG ANALYSIS 74
5.5 SUMMARY OF SYMLOG FINDINGS 89
5.6 THE FFAQ SCORES 90
5.6.1 Ipsative interpretation 90
5.6.2 Normative interpretation 90 PAGE
5.6.3 Test results 91 5.6.4 Summary of SYMLOG findings compared to FFAQ findings 95
5.7 SUMMARY OF FINDINGS 97
CHAPTR 6: SUMMARY, CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS
6.1 INTRODUCTION 99
6.2 INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE IN THE PAST AND PRESENT IN THE SOUTH AFRICAN CONTEXT 99
6.3 COMMUNICATION 100
6.4 TYPES OF INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES 100
6.5 RECOMMENDATIONS 101
6.6. CONCLUSION 101
REFERENCES 102
APPENDIX 114 (x)
LIST OF TABLES
PAGE
Testee 1: Samuel (Raw and standard scores obtained from Testee 1) 91
Testee 2: Peter (Raw and standard scores obtained from Testee 2) 92
Testee 3: Daniel (Raw and standard scores obtained from Testee 3) 93
---o0o--- (xi) LIST OF FIGURES
PAGE
Figure 1: The SYMLOG interaction Scoring Form 63
Figure 5.1: The SYMLOG three-dimensional space, showing classes of directions, or locations, defined by logical combinations of the six names reference directions (Adapted from Bales & Cohen, 1979, p.23) 75
Figure 5.2: SYMLOG Polarisation-unification overlay (Adapted from Bales & Cohen, 1979, p.446) 77
Figure 5.3: Field diagram: Solly and Sarah (Expansion multiplier 1,46) 80
Figure 5.4: Field diagram: Ali and Emmy (Expansion multiplier 2,43) 80
Figure 5.5: Field diagram: John and Elza (Expansion multiplier 1,87) 82
Figure 5.6: Field diagram: Ismail and Sonia (Expansion multiplier 2,06) 82
Figure 5.7: Field diagram: Junior and Daisy (Expansion multiplier 2,52) 85
Figure 5.8: Field diagram: Ben and Ria (Expansion multiplier 1,43) 85
Figure 5.9: Field diagram: Abdul and Mary (Expansion multiplier 1,56) 88
5. Figure 5.10: Field diagram: Ben and Betty (Expansion multiplier 1,75) 88
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CHAPTER 1
INTRODUCTION
1.1 BACKGROUND TO THE RESEARCH TOPIC
In the social sciences there is an ever increasing need for research into the relationship between individuals and their societies. Among the problems that confront social scientists are those relating to the fostering of healthy, well-balanced and well- adjusted individuals in the community. The survival of the community depends upon well integrated and responsible personalities (Sibaya, 1984).
The problem of intermarriage has stimulated much controversy. Some people view intermarriage as evidence of free will and as a daring adventure in terms of interpersonal relationships, whereas others consider it a proof of acting out, maladjustment or escapism. Likewise those in favour of intermarriage praise the physical health, beauty and mental alertness of children of mixed blood, whereas others, afraid of the threat to those of pure race, emphasise the possibility of physical and mental handicaps in these children. Such views indicate how much prejudice, both positive and negative, has pervaded discussion of this problem, and how difficult it is to be objective (Soucier & Jean, 1970).
With the repealing of the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act and Section 16 of the Immorality Act in South Africa in June 1985, interracial marriage became possible, and the likelihood of cross-racial dating relationships increased. The term interracial couple in this study refers to a marriage in which the racial classification of the individuals in terms of the constitution of apartheid in South Africa differed. However, differences could also include language, nationality, religion and lifestyle differences that are also a relatively significant aspect of such relationships. 2
Communication between interracial couples can be challenging, stimulating, enriching and sometimes frustrating (Mansika & Fukuyama, 1985).
By engaging in interracial marriage, each individual assumes a new role, that of being the spouse. This would mean a need for support, understanding, and a psychological climate that will provide a setting in which each spouse feels respected as an individual in their own right and respected for their culture, race and nationality.
Rappoport and Rappoport (1980, p.320) stated that "at each turning point in the developmental process one confronts tasks that are new and specific to that phase, at the same time there is a resonating interaction with earlier experiences that bear on the present one." Earlier experiences that bear on interracial marriage will include different cultures, beliefs, religion and/or languages that the spouses bring with them into the marriage. Later such differences may have a bearing on their children who may have to adapt a culture and "race" that will be different from that of their parents, and perhaps be unable to find for themselves a coherent identity. Since the offspring of individuals engaged in interracial marriage are neither black or white, a new racial group is added to these families. The couple, therefore, might experience problems with regard to socialisation of their children. The net effect of this unique combination is that there are bound to be conflicts which cannot be dealt with easily at times (Christensen, 1978).
Marriages may become an arena in which each spouse attempts to make the other do the changing or adjusting rather than having to do the changing himself or herself. Christensen (1978) stated that by and large it is spouses who are most likely to do the most adjusting. This may result in couples experiencing problems since individuals engaged in interracial marriage come from different cultures and backgrounds. Interracial marriages in South Africa occur between people of all races, but most attract little attention, except for those between blacks and whites. 3
Patterns of interaction and the family process of interracial families become crucial when one examines cultural factors, beliefs, values, norms and religion, all of which are not easily changed. Among blacks, for example, an outstanding cultural pattern is that of communal responsibility. Individuals are expected to put the interests of the community before personal interests. The family is thus taken as a significant part of the larger community. Therefore, conformity within a family circle is taken on a par with conformity to the community. The white western style of life, on the other hand, typically stresses individuality above communality, personal independence, achievement and assertiveness. Children from interracial marriages may be adversely affected by the conflict between such differences (Makgabo, 1993).
Interracial couples seem to be increasingly visible in South Africa today. Since South Africa's first democratic government, there seems to be a positive movement toward a multicultural society and, therefore, many people are coming to view interracial marriages as just like any other marriage. It is the investigator's view that people of all races are now more willing to learn about each other's languages, culture and beliefs to be able to live as a 'pupil' of South Africa. The investigator developed an interest in the ways in which different racial groups interact with each other in trying to better understand each other. This interest led the investigator to want to investigate these patterns of interactions through interracial married couples as she felt the findings of this study might be useful to all South Africans, especially in the work-place and community. The findings of the study may also contribute towards greater understanding of interracial couples, which may in turn, enhance the accommodation of each other by members of South Africa's multicultural society.
1.2 PREVIOUS RESEARCH ON INTERRACIAL COUPLES
Little research has been done on interracial marriages in South Africa. The field seems to have been ignored owing to the apartheid system which was in effect until 1990. In a study on interracial couples conducted by the investigator in 1993 in 4
Zululand, there was still evidence of resistance to such marriages and social prejudice. Some individuals were even disowned by their family members. On the other hand, other members of the community were readily accepting of these couples (Makgabo, 1993).
The investigator observed with interest during the apartheid era how couples would sneak out of the country to seek marriage elsewhere. This included neighbouring independent states such as Swaziland and Lesotho, and the then so-called independent homelands such as Bophuthatswana. If these couples returned to South Africa, their marriages were regarded as illegal before the repeal of the Prohibiting Mixed Marriages Act and Section 16 of the Immorality Act in 1985. Even after the repeal of the Acts, it was noted by the investigator that interracial couples were not readily accepted by some members of society.
2. RESEARCH DESIGN
In broad terms, it is intended in this study to investigate patterns of interaction in South African interracial marriages. Specific issues to be investigated:
what were the effects of South Africa's socio-political history on interracial marriages?
what are the differences in interactions between these couples?
are there common patterns of interaction that exist among mixed couples?
how do adolescents in such interracial families view their families? 5
3. OUTLINE OF THE STUDY
Chapter 2 will explore the perceived causes and trends in terms of intermarriage, and the history of intermarriage in the past in South Africa. Theories and models of interracial marriages together with mother tongue shifts in these marriages will be discussed.
Chapter 3 will look at the types of intercultural marriages as propounded by Romano. The reality of intermarriage, which includes issues such as sex, language and physical diversity, language and communication (verbal and non-verbal) will b discussed. Patterns of family interaction in conjunction with adolescent sex-role concepts will also be considered. Cross-cultural family differences will be explored. Components of family life satisfaction will be looked into as well.
A sample of 10 interracial couples will be used. The SYMLOG (A System of the Multiple Level Observation of Groups) and the FFAQ (Family Function in Adolescence Questionnaire) will be used as methods of obtaining data. This methodology will be discussed in detail in Chapter 4.
Chapter 5 will address the findings, conclusion, and recommendation arising from the study. 6
CHAPTER 2
PERCEIVED CAUSES AND COMPATIBILITY OF INTERETHNIC MARRIAGE
2.1 INTRODUCTION
Policy makers in Israel have long viewed interethnic marriage as an important avenue for the improvement of relationships between Jews of Western and Middle Eastern origin. At a practical level, interethnic marriages represent a blurring of ethnic distinctions in future generations. Moreover, these marriages are thought to serve as a symbolic contradiction of negative ethnic stereotypes, as well as a source of positive familial contact between differing ethnic groups (Bizman, 1987).
The social impact of interethnic marriage and the likelihood of their continued spread would seem to be mediated by a number of factors. Central among these, are - the manner in which mixed marriages, their causes, and their future, are perceived by the general public. To date, empirical research has paid little attention to the issue of how one perceives the interethnic marriage of others. Rather, survey research has tended to focus on general attitudes regarding personal willingness to marry across ethnic lines. Findings in this regard point to some reluctance to enter into mixed marriages, particularly among Western Jews (Levy & Guttman, 1974; Peres, 1976 cited by Bizman, 1987).
According to Peres (1976), the very fact that interethnic marriages are less common and less accepted than intraethnic marriages, suggests that their occurrence is likely to arouse public interest in the reasons behind mixed wedlock. In general. observers confronted by unexpected behaviours tend spontaneously to engage in causal reasoning to try to explain their source (Pyszczyski & Greenberg, 1981; Wong & Weiner. 1981 cited by Bizman, 1987). Murstein, Goyette and Cerreto (1974) for 7
example, note that individuals viewing marital couples often begin to ask themselves questions like "I wonder what he sees in her?".
Although there are many potential causes of marriage, research points to at least four factors relevant to marital selection: love (Rubin, 1973), social status, economic status, and physical attractiveness (Elder, 1969, cited by Bizman, 1987). Bizman (1987) noted that while all of these factors appear relevant to mixed marriages, they differ notably in their implications for the imputed desirability of such couples. Popular conceptions of romantic marriage give greater preference and social standing to bonds based on mutual love than those involving the fulfilment of sexual, financial, or status needs (Rubin, 1973; 1974).
Turning to marital causes, it would seem that the quality and stability of marital life are further dimensions by which marital desirability is determined in the public mind. Compatibility of marital partners is an integral element in both these issues (Murstein, 1976, cited by Bizman, 1987). Yet, according to Bizman, the factors of marital causes and compatibility would seem to be related. Modern views of romantic marriage, according to Bizman, suggest that couples who marry for love should be more compatible than those who married for more extrinsic reasons. Thus, the heightened emphasis given to love among interethnic couples is expected to increase the perceived magnitude of compatibility among these couples (Bizman, 1987).
2.2. BLACK/WHITE INTERMARRIAGE IN THE PAST: A TROUBLED HISTORY
Even though racial intermarriage has always been rare, anecdotal evidence shows that during the slavery period sexual contacts between blacks and whites were not uncommon (Williamson, 1980, cited by Kalmijn, 1993). Interracial contacts varied from black women and white men temporarily living in concubinage, to rape of female slaves by white slave owners. Early sociologists such as Wirth, Goldhamer, and Reuter tried to measure the extent of racial mixing by examining the size of what was then called the mulatto population. They observed a rapid growth of the number of mulattos relative to the number of blacks in the United States of America since the 1850s, and tentatively concluded that miscegenation was on the rise (Reuter, 1931; Wirth & Goldhamer, 1944). Although the mixing of blacks and whites may have been 8 common during this period, it was consistent with a system of extreme racial inequality and strong anti-black prejudice (Van den Berghe, 1967). Because the dominance of the white majority was stable, clearly defined, and heavily protected by institutional arrangements, whites generally had little fear from interacting with blacks in the more intimate social sphere (Kalmijn, 1993).
When slavery was abolished in the United States of America, the gradual decline in formal inequality between blacks and whites went hand in hand with a growing anxiety about the social boundary between the races. General observers at the time noted increasing attempts by whites to keep the races separate in the social sphere (Myrdal, 1944, cited by Kalmijn). Myrdal (1944) also noted that within the social sphere, anxiety between the races was stronger when the contact was more intimate. Interracial dating and marriage were condemned with great vigour, and strong social norms emerged against interracial contacts with possible erotic undertones, such as interracial dancing and swimming. The "no social equality" doctrine was formalised in legislation in the USA that segregated the races in public facilities, and legislation that controlled their sexual and marital contacts. In the first half of this century, anti- miscegenation laws were in place both in and outside the southern states of the United States of America, though sanctions were generally most severe in states with the largest black populations (Wirth & Goldhamer, 1944, cited by Kalmijn, 1993).
Consistent with the doctrine of "no social equality", scholars observed very low rates of black/white intermarriage after the abolition of slavery. For example, studies in major cities around the turn of the century all found that fewer than 1% of all black marriages involved a white person (Brachsler, 1921; Panunzie, 1942; Wright, 1912). Empirical research in the 1960s and 1970s suggested that not much had changed since then. Heer's (1966) analysis of the 1970 census data relating to the percentage of black marriages licences for 35 American states, showed that the percentage of black marriage that were mixed reached 26% only in the late 1960s.
In South Africa sexual contact between whites and people from other so-called racial groups was forbidden, and this was enacted in the law. According to South African Law, interracial marriages, often referred to as foreign marriages, were regarded as offensive to the moral principle of its courts (Henriques, 1974; Mdaweni, 1991). The whites were against the so-called "foreign" marriages because they wanted to preserve their race as white. This is supported by the statement which was made in a debate in 9
the Legislative Assembly by one member who said: "If we do not face the position today, then I can see that in the future we shall have not a white race, but something undesirable to the Maker of humanity ..." (Henriques, 1974, p.122).
Whites felt that the structure of the white family could be maintained if white women were "untouchable", and only if intimate and permanent relations with African males were discouraged and prevented (Henriques, 1974).
In the first part of the 20th century, books were published that claimed that the white race was more talented and intelligent than the black race. These books claimed that any mixing of the races would lead to an upsetting of the "natural order". Mixing would lower whites. The passing of the great race by Madison Grant was one book that drew a great deal of attention when it was published in 1916. Grant claimed that it was a scientific fact that whites and blacks were separate species. Whites were a superior species, Grant said. An intermarriage of species would hurt the position of the whites (Lamented & Desmond, 1992).
2.3 THE HISTORY OF THE IMMORALITY ACT AND THE PROHIBITION OF MIXED MARRIAGES ACT IN SOUTH AFRICA
Henriques (1975) claimed that the effects of the "Boer philosophy - began with a law passed in the Cape Colony in 1902 and later extended to other parts of South Africa, which prohibited sexual relations between blacks and white prostitutes. Henriques does not mention that in 1902 the Cape Colony was in fact a British Colony and not a Boer Republic. Findlay (1936) elaborates by mentioning that the Cape Act 36 of 1902 and the Orange Free State Ordinance 11 of 1903 only prohibited white women from having sexual relationships with an "aboriginal native for purposes of gain" (p.6). The Natal Legislation Act 21 of 1903 was similarly phrased, but used the term "coloured" male. The Transvaal Ordinance 46 of 1903 restrained white women only, that is, excluding males, from sexual relationships with other racial groups, irrespective of whether the union was for purposes of gain or not. In 1927 the Immorality Act was passed, prohibiting all sexual relationships between blacks and whites throughout South Africa. 10
Findlay (1936) noted that many coloured women in South Africa preferred to marry white men. The local statistics of 1921 reflect about three thousand more men than women among the Cape Coloured who married white husbands. Gist and Dworkin (1972) noted that coloureds in the Republic of South Africa display a marked bias in favour of whites and a widespread tendency to be prejudiced against Indians and blacks. Although the cultural parity between whites and coloureds could influence this, Morrall's view is that it cannot account entirely for the tendency mentioned above. During their investigation the Durban coloured population, Gist and Dworkin (1972), found that coloureds saw themselves as an "appendage" of the white population group, although they espoused a separate identity. They viewed themselves as having increased status because they possessed "some white blood" and maintained a "decent white" lifestyle.
Shortly after coming into power in 1948, the National Party government consolidated much earlier legislation and introduced the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act, Act 55 of 1949. This was not only applicable to marriages solemnised within South Africa, but also included mixed marriages which took place outside of South Africa where one of the parties was a South African citizen. Because that was the case, a couple would not leave the country to get married and thereafter return to settle in South Africa, as their marriage would not be recognised.
In 1957 the Government also introduced the Immorality Act, Act 23 of 1957, of which Section 16 prohibited all sexual interaction between white and coloured persons (Hardie & Hardford, 1960). The Act further placed the same restrictions on coloured females, males and white males. The Act defined a coloured person as any non-white person. As such, all sexual activities between different racial groups were forbidden.
The South African Institute of Race Relations reported that between 1974 and 1982, 1 916 people were prosecuted under Section 16 of the Immorality Act and 1 586 were convicted. Prior to 1974 statistics are unavailable. Furthermore, many cases of suicide were reported by people convicted under the Act (The Natal Mercury, 1984).
In 1985 the Government announced its intention to scrap the Prohibition of Mixed . Marriages Act and the abolition of the sex and colour clause. Section 16 of the Immorality Act (The Angus, 1985).The Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act and 11
Section 16 of the Immorality Act were finally repealed in 1985, and was replaced by Act 72, the Immorality and Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Amendment Act, the commencement date being 19 June 1985. Act 72 of 1985 sought to legitimise interracial marriages which had taken place, not only in South Africa, but also in other countries or by religious ceremonies only. The process of scrapping racially discriminatory legislation gained momentum until 1993 when an interim Bill of Rights was established. Van Oosten (1991) reflected that the Bill proposed, among other things, the right of all individuals to equality before the law, and that there should be no discrimination on the basis of race, colour, ethnic origin, social standing, gender, religion, etcetera.
2.4 INCIDENCE OF MIXED MARRIAGES IN 1989 AND 1990 IN SOUTH AFRICA
The Central Statistical Service has provided figures on mixed marriages for the Republic of South Africa since 1987. Before this date figures are not available since mixed marriages in South Africa were not legalised until 1985. The information supplied accounts for all combinations of marriages between members of the black, white, coloured and Indian population groups.
Statistics reveal a total of 1 524 mixed marriages for 1989, which included 807 marriages where one spouse was from a white population group, a total of 52,9%. A total of 70 992 marriages took place during 1989, of which 2,15% were mixed and 1,4% involved one white spouse.
According to the Central Statistical Service, statistics indicate that a total of 74 552 marriages took place during 1990, of which 3 212 were between couples of different racial groups, amounting to 4,3% of all marriages. Of these marriages, 1 345 involved one white spouse: to 42% of all mixed marriages. This amounts to 1,8% of the total number of marriages, excluding those between members of the black population group as specified earlier (Morall, 1994).
Conclusions indicating an increase in mixed marriages cannot clearly be drawn from these figures since, although such marriages totalled 1 393 in 1987 and 3 212 in 1990, there was a corresponding general increase in the total number of marriages from 12
66 938 in 1987 to 74 552 in 1990. The Central Statistical Service no longer publishes figures on mixed marriages and thus the above conclusions are speculative rather than conclusive.
2.5 TRENDS IN BLACK/WHITE INTERMARRIAGE
Kalmijn (1993) stated that although black/white intermarriage was a prominent indicator of race relations in 1960 and early 1990, the topic seems to have been low on the academic agenda during 1980. According to Kalmijn, many studies are currently being done on black/white differences in income, employment, education, and residence, but there is insufficient recent data on intermarriage.
According to recent empirical studies, various kinds of intermarriage have become common over the course of this century. This applies to marriages between Protestants and Catholics (Kalmijn, 1991), between Jews and Christians (Kosmin et al., 1991), and between members of different European ancestry groups (Lieberson & Waters, 1988). While these findings suggest that the traditional group boundaries in societies are weaker, it comes as no surprise that the major exception in this respect is the black/white colour line. The exceptionally strong black/white colour line in marriage, according to Kalmijn, reflects the three main features of racial differentiation in American society. The colour line is linked to high degrees of racial prejudice, it is the natural outcome of strong patterns of residential and school segregation, and it is in part the heritage of a long history of racial inequality in the economic sphere. This was also the case in South Africa.
There are several reasons to expect that black/white intermarriage should have increased in the 1990s. Previous research has shown that status selection plays a somewhat peculiar role in racial intermarriage (Heer, 1974; Schoen & Woolredge, 1989, cited by Kalmijn, 1993). According to Kalmijn, most mixed marriages involve black males rather than black females. White women who marry black men tend to marry into higher status groups more than when they marry white men. Upward mobility of white women in mixed marriages has traditionally been interpreted as a sign that crossing the racial boundary involved an exchange of racial caste prestige and socio-economic prestige (Davis, 1941; Van den Berghe, 1960). If the social distance between blacks and whites has become smaller, we would expect that the 13
traditional pattern of mixing, conditional on status, is beginning to disappear (Kalmijn, 1993).
2.6 FRIENDS WHO ARE MIXED COUPLES
Mathabane and Mathabane (1992, p.269) said that the common adverse experiences of interracial couples contribute to their mutual and spontaneous friendships, of which these authors as a mixed couple have had similar experiences shared by people from backgrounds of one being black and the other being white.
The Mathabane couple had befriended Evelyn, an American, and Rainer, a German, who throughout their 22 years of interracial marriage had led a happier life, despite the fact that Evelyn had divorced her former husband by whom she had had a daughter. The couple married because, according to Evelyn, after her divorce, she was convinced by Rainer that he was interested in her as a human being. They appreciated each other and had intellectual conversations. Some of the people who came across Rainer and Evelyn accepted the couple as they were.
Another couple, Eric Asimon and Jackie Lee experienced no resistance from Eric's white parents when he announced his intention to marry Jackie. Eric described his parents as two of the best-intentioned liberals in the world.
According to Mathabane and Mathabane, 75% of interracial marriages in the United States involve black men and white women. However, they stated that it was the black man-white woman combination that sparks the most widespread condemnation among both blacks and whites.
According to Mathabane and Mathabane (1992, p.276), a white South African lawyer Nan, and her black South African boyfriend Tshepo, also experienced problems with the law. Tshepo was sentenced to imprisonment on Robben Island whilst Nan was expecting their first baby. Nan's family disowned her because of her interracial relationship with Tshepo. The couple eventually married when Tshepo came out of jail and went to live in Mayfair, Johannesburg, where a number of mixed couples live. Mixed couples are a common sight in Johannesburg, where a couple, Andrew and Mary Moorosi had moved from Mayfair to Hillbrow. Mathabane and Mathabane 14 in Hillbrow mixed couples have no problems from the community which, according to these writers, is an indication that South Africans can live together simply as people.
It is also the Mathabanes' observation that while some mixed couples choose to live in coloured neighbourhoods, or integrated areas like downtown Johannesburg, the black townships were legally off-limits for mixed couples until the Group Areas Act was repealed in 1991.
While in the United States of America the black power movement has caused many blacks to oppose interracial relationships, South African blacks are, according to Mathabane and Mathabane, very accepting of them. The increasing violence, instability and uncertainty in black townships would, in some instances, however, be a problem for mixed couples.
Mark, cited by Mathabane and Mathabane (1992, p.278), pointed out the interesting irony of two South African leaders who for years had regarded each other as "enemies", but have interracial relationships within their families. Tembi, daughter of the late Oliver Tambo of the African National Congress (ANC), married a white London banker, and the youngest son of F.W. de Klerk courted Erica Adams, the daughter of a mixed-race politician. This couple, however, did not marry.
Mara Louw, a black South African singer and her Scottish husband William Thomson, are another example of a much publicised Johannesburg interracial marriage. Mara, when interviewed by the Mathabanes, viewed her interracial marriage as "no big deal". "The more we regard ourselves as people, live together and aim for harmony, the quicker we will build a peaceful South Africa", Louw said (Mathabane & Mathabane. 1992, p.280). Louw also said William finds South African blacks pleasant, and regards this as an assurance that South Africans can live in peace in this new democratic country. He is well accepted by all blacks in Soweto with whom he has come into contact. Yet, William says most whites assume that Mara is his maid, not his wife, when the couple goes out in public.
Mathabane and Mathabane (1992) point out that even in the conservative parts of the Orange Free State. mixed marriages are occurring. Robert Beyl, a white businessman, married a Soweto taxi owner Stella Nkhethoa. After their marriage in 1985 the couple 15
became the victims of the then Group Areas Act. Despite the obstacles, Stella is confident the union will survive.
Another interracial marriage is that between Percy Batten, an Afrikaans-speaking white man, and a Zulu woman, Mabel Thoko Zwane of Boksburg. Their wedding was attended by the Mayor of Boksburg and one of his councillors (Mathabane & Mathabane, 1992). According to these writers, the number of mixed marriages in South Africa is small, yet these marriages are significant of the changes in the way whites and blacks in South Africa view each other, compelling them to see each other as human beings with needs and emotions, rather than as racial enemies.
Mathabane and Mathabane (1992) maintained that the pressures on mixed couples in South Africa are different from those felt by mixed couples in the United States of America. For instance, according to these authors, there is very little opposition to interracial marriages among South African blacks. On the contrary, such marriages are joyously celebrated with great funfare and tradition. The white partner in marriage is made to feel welcome as a member of the family and community. Despite the colour differences of the partners, their marriage is seen as a celebration of love between two human beings, seldom complicated by questions of racial politics and power.
2.7 THEORIES AND MODELS OF INTERRACIAL MARRIAGES
In his article Gushue (1993) proposed an extension of Janet Helms's Black and White interaction model to be used as a starting point for organising and understanding cultural-identity data in making an initial family assessment.
According to Gushue (1993), cultural expectations and family patterns of interaction appear to be inextricably bound together. Although some of the early work in the field of family counselling highlighted the crucial importance of culture and socio- economic status (Minuchin, 1974; Montalvo, Guerney, Rosman & Schumer. 1967), and in recent years especially so, the literature has again undertaken a serious exploration of the implications of culture for family functioning. One significant development that has resulted from this renewed interest in culture has been the delineation of critical between-group ethnic differences in family patterns of 16
interaction (Ho, 1987; McGoldrick, Pearce & Giordano, 1982; Sue & Sue, 1990). Gushue (1993), however, maintained that to achieve a coherent vision of how culture affects the family counselling process, a comprehensive conceptual model must also suggest how those important between-group insights might be moderated by within- group cultural variations. Such a model would both guide the counsellor in the process of assessment, and enable him or her to anticipate particular challenges that may arise in work with a specific family.
Gushue (1993) suggested that the methodological foundations of the black and white interaction model of Janet Helms (1984, 1990b, 1990f) may offer a starting point for a tenable organising paradigm for cultural identity data as one part of making an initial family assessment. The methodology presented in the racial and cultural identity development models, and elaborated by Janet Helms in her Black and White process model, may offer a helpful theoretical approach to understanding the kinds of predictable interactions that might be expected in multicultural family counselling.
2.7.1 Racial and cultural identity development models
The racial- and cultural-identity development models represented a watershed in the field of individual multicultural counselling in their efforts to come to terms with the issue of intergroup difference. These models focus on an individual's psychological response to the experience of membership of an oppressed group (or of belonging to a group that benefits from oppression), and suggest that persons at different stages of racial- or cultural-identity development can be characterised by distinct and measurable attitudes (positive or negative) toward at least two referent groups. One referent group is the person's own racial or cultural group (depending on the model). The other referent is the salient dominant/non-dominant group with which the subject's own group is in contact. Some models use additional referents (Gushue, 1993).
Gushue (1993) maintains that, unlike models of acculturation, the racial- and cultural- identity development models propose stages that suggest a desirable process of psychological growth. In contrast, the models of racial- and cultural-identity development measure a person's attitudes towards his or her own culture and the dominant culture. Although in the racial- and cultural-identity models that is being 17
measured explicitly, is not cultural context per se, but attitudes associated with the various stages (Helms, 1990d), it is also true that each stage corresponds with a set of values or a worldview (Helms, 1986). It is possible, therefore, to speak of a cultural shift as an individual moves from the predominance of one set of stage-related attitudes to the next (Carter & Helm, 1987, 1990).
2.7.2 The black and white interaction model of Helms
In her Black and White interaction model (Helms, 1984), and her subsequent reflections on White racial-identity development (Helms, 1990f), Helms has endeavoured to advance the discussion in a number of respects. In introducing her 1984 model, Helms indicated the tendency of the various minority-focused models that had been proposed to concentrate on only one participant in the counselling process. Implicitly, for Helms, the focus had been on the normative White counsellor's stage of racial- or minority-identity development. The models seemed to assume that the white person in the dyad was the counsellor and that the member on the non-dominant group was the client. White persons were not depicted as undergoing any sort of racial-identity development. According to Helms, attention needed to be given to the interaction of stage-related attitudes in mixed-race dyads and even in same-race dyads (Gushue, 1993).
In attempting to respond to some of these conceptual biases, Helms (1984, 1990f) cited by Gushue (1993), offered a six-stage model of White-racial-identity development that outlines a process through which White persons may arrive at an "acceptance of race as a positive aspect of themselves and others". As with the Black racial-identity development model, each stage is marked by attitudes toward whites and toward blacks.
In the most recent articulation of the model (Helms, 1990f) cited by Gushue (1993), the first three stages represent a process that she has termed "the abandonment of racism". She maintained that during these stages whites are brought up in the context of, and to some extent absorb, the explicitly and implicitly racist attitudes of society. Thus white people do not begin their development from some merely neutral position of "lack of awareness" about race, especially their own (Katz & Ivey. 1977 cited by 18
Gushue. 1993). Rather, they inherit a personally and socially debilitating "racist identity" with its concomitant attitudes to whites and blacks. After gaining consciousness of race that an initial encounter with blacks engenders contact, whites may attempt to respond to the dissonance caused by the awareness of the implications of being white in a racist society either by identifying with or patronising blacks (Disintegration) - strategies that, according to Helms, lead to angry reactions on the part of the blacks. The next stage may, according to Helms, be a retreat into white culture and avoidance of cross-racial contacts (Reintegration). According to Gushue (1994), whites as a socially dominant race in the United States, had the option of discontinuing the process at any stage through a change of job or locale.
For Helms, the last three stages of her model reflect a white person's effort to develop a nonracist white identity. Thus a white person may emerge from the period of withdrawal to an intellectual understanding of racial difference. This period Helms terms pseudo-independence. This may, according to her, be followed by efforts to reappropriate that which is of value in white culture, and to learn from other whites who have developed nonracist identities (Immersion/Emersion). The final stage, according to Helms, is marked by an affective acceptance of racial differences and involvement in opposing institutional and cultural racism in all its forms. This white racial-identity model is still being tested, but has already received support in a number of empirical studies (Carter, 1988, 1990a, 1990b, 1990c; Carter & Helms, 1990; Helms & Carter, 1990a, 1991; Tokar & Swanson, 1991).
One of Helm's guiding interests in developing a model of White racial identity has been to understand how those different stages of racial-identity development will affect the counselling process. What will the different attitudinal and behavioural predispositions associated with each stage portend for the counselling relationship and for counselling outcome? Helms suggests a number of different configurations of the counsellor and client relationship based on racial-identity stages. The correspondence of racial-identity stages can be parallel (counsellor and client at equivalent stages), progressive (counsellor at least one stage ahead of client), regressive (client at least one stage ahead of counsellor), or crossed (client and counsellor at affective opposites in their feelings toward black and white). A counsellor cannot move the client further than the counsellor has come in terms of racial identity (Helms. 1984, cited by Gushue, 1993). 19
Helms (1984) went on to predict what she called common affective issues, counsellor/client strategies, and counselling outcome based on the various types of counselling relationships that result from different combinations of racial identity attitudes in counselling dyads. There has already been some empirical support for her process model (Brandby & Helms, 1990; Carter, 1988, 1990b; Carter & Helms, 1992, cited by Gushue, 1993).
In her most recent extension of thinking in this area, Helms (1990a) speculated that racial identity theory may be expanded to facilitate an understanding of other kinds of dyadic interactions in which the participants differ in social power and/or status due to role expectations (e.g., parent-child; teacher-student; husband-wife). She argued that these other kinds of social dyads should exhibit the same interaction types, i.e. (parallel, crossed, progressive, regressive) as seen in the counsellor-client dyad. She further maintained that it should be possible to predict something about the affective issues, the strategies, and the dynamics or interpersonal tone that will characterise a relationship based on each partner's stage of racial-identity development. One should, therefore, be able to anticipate the kinds of issues that are likely to surface in a mixed or same-race parent-child interaction from an assessment of each party's stage or racial-identity development. For instance, a progressive relationship in which the parent may be able to play his or her natural role of mentor may well present fewer difficulties than a regressive relationship, in which the child has attained a more advanced stage of racial-identity development than his or her parent. Gushue (1993) claimed that this elaboration of Helms's theory has important consequences for understanding the process of multicultural family counselling.
2.7.3 An extension of Helms's interaction theory to multicultural family counselling
Helms (1990a) proposed the possibility of an extension of the interaction model to other relationships characterised by inequality in social power. Cultural identity development, has been used in her model as a general category that subsumes both dominant and non-dominant culture-identity development. 20
A person who starts from the position of believing that the values, beliefs, and behaviours of the dominant culture are normative, is being socialised into a mono- cultural point of view. From this point of view, other ways of being in the world are seen as "odd" or "inferior". The behaviours considered to be normative or deviant might include such things as how affection and anger are expressed in families, how disagreements are handled, what child-rearing practices are acceptable, or the expected degree of psychological closeness or distance between family members. Beginning with his or her initial contact with persons from a non-dominant group, a member of the dominant group begins the process of re-evaluating both cultures and the social consequences of his or her membership in the dominant culture - an odyssey complete with twists and turns. As with the white racial-identity model, members of the dominant culture are free to terminate the process at any time by ending their contact with individuals from the non-dominant group (Gushue, 1993).
The final stage is characterised by a multicultural perspective in which diversity is valued, rather than tolerated. A person's own culture is no longer considered to be normative but is rather perceived as making one important contribution - among many - to understanding and interpreting human experience. Such a perspective, according to Gushue (1993), would also seem to imply a commitment to social change insofar as the person realises that his or her own cultural prejudices were, and continue to be, inculcated and reinforced by the prevailing cultural ideology and social structures of the society in which she or he has been reared.
What then are some of the consequences of an interaction perspective for assessment and psychotherapy? For Minuchin (1974; Minuchin & Fishman, 1981, cited by Gushue, 1993), assessment and the initial phase of therapy are interwoven, and are characterised by processes that he (Minuchin) refers to as "gaining" and "accommodation"; the phase where the therapist attempts to insert herself or himself into the family system, seeking to accept the family's organisation and style, and to blend with them. Having joined the family, the therapist is able to experience and test the ways in which its interactions are structured and form a map of the interactions of the subsystems that will serve as both an assessment of how the family is operating, and as a guide to the direction in which the therapist might want to shift a given family. 21
An approach informed by an interaction point of view would, according to Gushue (1993), suggests the importance of postulating, a cultural map as well. Here the therapist would be represented in addition to each of the family subsystems (as opposed to the "blending in" envisioned above). Thus the family map would be tripolar, including the spousal subsystem, the sibling subsystem, and the therapist. To the extent to which the therapist is able accurately to assess the cultural-identity stage operative at each of the poles in the triangle, he or she will be able to predict something of the nature of the interactions between each of the dyads in the system, namely parents-children, therapist-spouses, and therapist-siblings. What is important is that the therapist be able to anticipate how cultural-identity stages might affect the selection between the family's subsystems, and between the therapist and each of the subsystems (Gushue, 1993).
2.7.4 Observations and limitations
According to Gushue, (1993) it would seem that the interaction model might expand current thinking about families and culture along various dimensions.
First, the interaction model addresses some of the concerns regarding within-group differences. In providing a level of analysis incorporating (a) that which applies to all families of a given culture, and (b) that which applies only to the unique combination of history and other factors that define a particular family, a multicultural interaction model of family assessment provides a way of speaking systematically about within- group differences. The interaction model permits a more nuanced approach to assessing the culturally related dynamics present in a given family. For instance, instead of merely speaking of approaches to families of one given culture or another, therapists can begin to focus on concerns and strategies that may be germane to work with progressive families versus others that may be more effective with regressive families of a particular culture.
Second. the interaction model anticipates cultural change or shifts in worldviews among the participants. The therapist cannot stop attending to cultural issues after she or he has made a correct initial assessment. Rather. especially in an ongoing counselling relationship, the therapist may witness a change in the cultural alignments of the subsystems, possibly as a result of the intercultural interaction in which he or 22
she is a participant. Thus the interaction model encourages therapists to continue to be attentive to change in the cultural-identity patterns throughout the course of the family counselling relationship.
The interaction model is particularly helpful insofar as it focuses on the cultural- identity of each of the participants involved in the interaction. These within-group differences are as important to understanding the multicultural family counselling process as the more frequently stressed between-group differences. Again the interaction model would seem to provide a conceptual tool adequate for interpreting those nuances, and useful in representing a truly "inclusive" multicultural perspective (Carter, 1991b, cited by Gushue, 1993).
In the preceding discussion it was shown how Helm's interaction model helps one to understand the development of racial identity through a six-stage process. The first three stages represent the process that she terms "the abandonment of racism", while the last three stages reflect a person's efforts to develop a non-racist identity. Helms also pointed out how this model may affect the counselling process, as the counsellor's strategies will be determined by factors such as the progressiveness or regressiveness of the parent-child relationship.
2.8 NATIVITY, INTERMARRIAGE AND MOTHER-TONGUE SHIFTS
Stevens (1985) maintained that a crucial dimension of ethnicity is the extent to which group members share a unique language. Whether a unique language persists into new generations is determined by the proportion of children who learn the language as a mother-tongue. The process of mother-tongue shift has been generally viewed in the United States as one in which non-English languages quickly disappear s as ethnic groups adapt to an English-dominated environment.
In his study, Stevens viewed intergenerational language shift as a function of intra- and intergroup relations, focusing specifically on patterns of linguistic and ethnic intermarriage. He investigated the relationships between nativity characteristics, intermarriage. and the probability of mother-tongue shift toward English versus intergenerational minority-language retention. A major focus of the study was the relationship between intermarriage and language shift. 23
According to Stevens (1985), mother-tongue shifts occur when children learn, as a first language or mother-tongue, a language different from their parents' first languages. In a multilingual society, mother-tongue shifts could theoretically occur in a merry-go-round fashion, with relatively as many children learning "A" as their mother-tongue, rather than a parent's first language "B", as children learning "B", rather than a parent's first language "A". However, in multilingual societies, such as the United States, which are dominated by one language, mother-tongue shifts favour the dominant language. Thus mother-tongue shift there refers to children speaking English to the exclusion of their parents' non-English mother-tongue, and intergenerational minority language retention refers to children learning a parent's non-English language (Stevens, 1985).
Previous studies done in the United States were found by Stevens strongly to imply that rates of mother-tongue shift are higher between later generations than between the foreign-born and the first native-born generations. For example, census data show that persons of later generations are less likely to report a non-English language spoken in their childhood home than are persons of earlier generations (Fishman & Hofman, 1966; Li, 1982; U.S. Bureau of Census, 1973, cited by Stevens, 1985).
The analysis reported in Stevens's study, based on a direct comparison of the characteristics of a national sample of children and their parents, showed the following:
that it is parents' nativity characteristics, not children's nativity characteristics, that largely determine the probability of non-English language retention versus mother-tongue shift; and
that ethnic and linguistic patterns of intermarriage play large roles in the probability of intergenerational non-English language retention versus shift.
Almost half of the children in Stevens's analysis were of ethnically heterogeneous backgrounds, i.e. their parents' ethnic descents were dissimilar. Few of those children learned a parent's non-English mother-tongue. Thus non-English languages were seen to be disappearing through mother-tongue shift because of ethnic intermarriage. However. although ethnic intermarriage was associated with mother-tongue shift, 24
ethnic endogamy was not associated with non-English mother-tongue retention unless it was accompanied by linguistic homogamy. Children of ethnically endogamous backgrounds were no more likely to speak a parent's non-English language than children of ethnically exogamous backgrounds, unless both parents reported a non- English mother-tongue. Thus non-English languages were disappearing through intergenerational mother-tongue shift in part because of another type of intermarriage: linguistic heterogamy occurring within ethnic groups. A major conclusion was thus that the rates of mother-tongue shift were driven by the nature of intra- and intergroup relations. Groups characterised by high rates of either ethnic exogamy as linguistic heterogamy within the ethnic group were probably marked by higher rates of mother- tongue shift, while groups characterised by high rates of non-English linguistic homogamy were probably marked by higher rates of language retention (Stevens, 1985).
2.9 COMMUNICATION TRAINING FOR INTERCULTURAL COUPLES
In their study Mansikka and Fukayama (1985) indicated that communication between intercultural couples can be challenging, stimulating, enriching, and sometimes frustrating. To this effect they conducted a workshop.
The workshop goals, according to Mansikka and Fukayama (1985) were:
to enhance the communication between partners; to enable intercultural couples to meet one another; to promote awareness of how cultural backgrounds affect relationships; and to examine how language affects perception.
This workshop was offered to a group of four couples. The workshop lasted two hours and was followed by informal conversation. Feedback from the participants indicated that the workshop was helpful in increasing their awareness of the universality of cross-cultural experiences in intercultural relationships. Individuals reported in written evaluations that they felt less alone with the problems faced by intercultural couples. The discussion of language and perception heightened the importance of learning about each other's cultures. 25
In this chapter the following were discussed: perceived causes and compatibility of interethnic marriage, black/white intermarriage in the past, the history of the immorality Act and the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act in South Africa. Incidence of mixed marriages for 1989 and 1990 in South Africa were also indicated. Mention was also made that since the Central Statistical Service no longer reports figures on mixed marriages, conclusions on the latest figures are speculative rather than conclusive. Trends in black/white intermarriage, friends who are mixed couples, theories and models of interracial marriages propounded by Helms, communication training, and nativity, intermarriage and mother-tongue shifts were also discussed. The following chapter will discuss types of intercultural marriages, the reality of intermarriage, patterns of family interaction and adolescent sex-role concepts, cross- cultural family differences, components of family life satisfaction. black and white women's attitudes toward interracial marriage and family therapists' perceptions with communication control coding, system coding rules for triadic interactions. 26
CHAPTER 3
TYPES OF INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES
3.1 INTRODUCTION
According to Romano (1988), couples have their own systems for working out the power balance in their relationships, for deciding who gives and who takes. Some are more successful than others. These systems, according to Romano, fall into one, or a combination of four types of marital models: submission, compromise, obliteration, or consensus.
3.2 ROMANO'S TYPOLOGY
3.2.1 Submission
Romano (1988) claimed that submission has definite disadvantages. A person is never totally successful at denying or losing his or her ethnic identity. Sometimes it seems to work well at first, especially if it is the woman who submits, if she is from a male- dominant culture, if she is younger or more dependent than the man, if she is a newcomer to the culture and insecure in its ways, or if she submits willingly to the other culture. However, later the submission partner might get tired of playing this role and this might create problems for the couple which the dominant partner might not have expected to surface.
3.2.2 Compromise
Romano (1988) maintained that another way couples may handle their cultural differences is through compromise. In this kind of arrangement, each partner gives up certain (often important) aspects of his or her culturally-bound habits and beliefs to make room for the habits and beliefs of the other. Romano maintained that theoretically this is a good solution as it indicates equality in the relationship - an 27
important ingredient. It shows a sense of fairness, flexibility, and openness, all of which are essential for the success of intercultural relationships. Compromise means making trade-offs: "We will bring up the girls Christian and the boys Muslim." In this manner is an adjustment is made on the part of both partners.
However, compromise can also mean to endanger the interest of, to surrender or give up one's interests, principles, etc. (Romano, 1988, and Watzlawick, Bavelas and Jackson, 1974). This is the less desirable aspect of compromise. In an intercultural marriage it often really means that there has been an adjustment (or sacrifice) which has been made for the sake of coexistence, and which satisfies neither partner. Both have won a little. but both have lost a little too, and sometimes the those which have been compromised are things which really mattered to one of the other of the partners. The issues are never really resolved, but resurface again and again to be negotiated or argued over (Romano, 1988).
3.2.3 Obliteration
According to Romano (1988), obliteration refers to the kind of marital model in which couples try to manage their differences by erasing them, by denying their individual cultures altogether. They form a new cultural identity which has no memories, no traditions, and no cultural causes for conflict. They often give up their languages, life-styles, customs and even their beliefs and values. Romano sees such couples as running away from potential conflicts.
For some couples this could be the only solution since their cultures differ drastically. There are, for example, the "Romeo and Juliet" couples, who come from warring or enemy nations and escape to a neutral third country which they adopt as their own, assuming as much of its identity as possible. Sometimes the couples meet in the third country, remain there, and bring their children up as natives of that country, far away from the critical eyes of their own families and friends, and the rules and customs of their own lands (Romano, 1988).
This sometimes works. but it is not an ideal solution because it implies a loss for both partners. perhaps willingly accepted in order to be together, but a loss nonetheless (Romano, 1988). 28
Romano (1988) claimed that in this kind of model (obliteration), both partners have sacrificed and/or lost their ethnic heritages; they have renounced an important part of themselves and denied their children the warmth and richness of their cultures. They are "culture poor", often without any kind of support-system or any sense of truly belonging. As McGoldrick, Pearce, and Giordano, cited by Romano (1988) point out, a sense of belonging, and of historical continuity, is a basic psychological need.
3.2.4 Consensus
Romano (1988; Watzlawick et al., 1974) maintained that the ideal intercultural marriage is one based on consensus. He saw consensus as related to compromise in that it implies a give-and-take on the part of both partners: but different in that it is not a trade-off but an agreement, and no scores are kept.
In a consensus model neither partner sacrifices aspects which are essential to his or her well-being. Both are whole people and whole partners, with a solid sense of self, of their own differentness, and their individual needs, values and expectations, for which they are willing to fight. Both are strong and secure enough in themselves to allow their partners to be different, without considering it a betrayal or a threat. They are able to give to one another whenever the need is greatest - spontaneously, willingly, and without keeping count. The consensus relationship is a win-win relationship (Romano, 1988).
Given these types of intercultural marriages, it would be interesting for the investigator to find out various types that would be exhibited by the couples she will interview. This information the investigator hopes to establish through the discussions between the couples concerned.
3.3 REALITY OF INTERMARRIAGE
Intermarriage, like any other marriage. is a continuous process in which two individuals learn to live together. They learn to adjust to each other in order to work toward common goals and achievements. When persons of different racial or ethnic 29
backgrounds marry, their adjustment difficulties are likely to exceed those of couples with a common cultural background. To the normal differences in personality, social class, education and life experiences, couples of different ethnic and racial groups must add differences in values, customs, and traditions. The main objective of this section is to examine some of the problems that result from these differences, and their relevance to the assessment phase of therapy with such couples (Ho, 1990).
Ho (1990) maintained that, generally, adjustment problems in racial and ethnic intermarriage can be traced to two major sources:
the ecological or person-in-environmental barriers; or the couple's interaction as husband and wife, and as parents.
3.4 SEX
Romano, (1988) and Lustigand & Koester (1993) believed that in every sexual relationship a couple takes four sets of grandparents to be with them. What this means is that each partner is the product of sex education passed down from what the grandparents taught the parents, and each brings a version of, or reaction to, their mores, credos and expectations into his or her own marriage, whether consciously or not.
This is a startling image, and if we think of it in terms of intercultural marriages, with the vast range of possible different beliefs, behaviours and attitudes brought together by a couple under one blanket, sex can become a real issue.
The following list of the things which can be viewed differently by people from different cultures gives some idea of how great the sex issue might be in intercultural marriages: arranged marriage, contraception, menstruation, circumcision, masturbation, the number and importance of children in a family, virginity and chastity, family honour, adolescent rites, machismo and femininity, hygiene, premarital relations, marital fidelity, sexual practices, homosexuality, prostitution, incest, dating, dancing, romance, holding hands, using makeup, and "provocative dress" (Romano). 30
According to Romano (1988), one reason why sex can be a problem in intercultural marriages is that many, especially young, inexperienced people, do not expect it to be. Many people are prepared for differences in ways of eating, dressing or talking, but they assume that sex is sex, which of course, it is, but with infinite variety in its expression. So perhaps out of primness or embarrassment, they do not find out beforehand about possible differences in beliefs, behaviours and expectations, and how these will apply to their conjugal futures. They do not discuss their needs and wants, and perhaps have not yet even defined them.
Much, according to Romano (1988), depends on how differing cultures view the meaning of marriage, the role of romantic love, and the position women hold in general, and thus in the marital relationship. In marriages in which the woman is the server and the man is the master, the woman's pleasure will be of little importance and certainly secondary to the man's. In societies where marriage is seen primarily as a romantic union of two people (most frequently in egalitarian societies), the pleasure and needs of both partners (both physical and psychological) will be important. Sex, although important, may take second place to other things, and when marriage is between equals, the sexual life of the couple will follow patterns of give-and-take and mutual pleasure-giving and seeking.
Even in cultures where romantic love is important, however, there may be quite different ways of expressing that love, that is, how sex is used to give or deny love, how openly it is discussed, or how lustily it is enjoyed (Romano, 1988).
3.5 SOCIAL CLASS AND POVERTY
Social class refers to "differences in wealth, income, occupation. status, community power, group identification, level of consumption, and family background" (Duberman, 1975, p.34. cited by Ho, 1990. p.7). This definition is, however, viewed by Ho as being inadequate for a full appreciation of ethnic differences as they relate to intermarriage. A partner in intermarriage may act in accordance with his perceived class interest in some situations, and in accordance with his cultural preferences or minority identity in others. The term "ethnic class" used by Gordon (1969), and also by Ho (1990. p.7) to describe the point at which social class and ethnic group membership intersect, can serve as a useful guide in assessing how an intermarried 31
couple interacts. Regardless of a person's present class, the influence exerted by the values that were acquired throughout childhood is often considerable (Mass, 1976, cited by Ho 1990). An individual's childhood value pattern is an adjustment reality, and intermarried couples should be encouraged to assess its significance (Ho, 1990, Lustig and Koester, 1993).
3.6 LANGUAGE AND PHYSICAL DIVERSITY
One of the unique problems encountered in intermarriage is the diversity of the language used by the couple. The language of both spouses conveys a wealth of information that can be classified as linguistic, idiosyncratic, or sociolinguistic (Ladefogen & Broadbent, 1957, cited by Ho, 1990). Linguistic information is generally thought of in connection with language: it is the message that the speaker consciously attempts to communicate, the manifest content of the spoken word. Idiosyncratic information concerns inferences made from the quality of the speaker's voice and by definition, derived from anatomical differences, in the vocal trend. Speech not only communicates a message and information concerning vocal quality but also indicates a frame of reference, the context within which the message is interpreted and understood. The contextual or sociolinguistic cues include information concerning the speaker's background, place of origin, group membership, status in the group, and relationship to the listener (Ho, 1990; husag-et-al., 1993). qp,c1 An intermarried couple with different native languages may have trouble sharing information, especially the sociolinguistic component. Even when one partner in the intermarriage is bilingual, problems of miscommunication may still occur. A partner may not have acquired a parallel vocabulary or may not know various meanings of words. Sometimes a person needs to use his or her native language to describe personal, intimate, or gut-level issues. A partner's lack of language skills can reinforce his or her low self-concept and low status in the new community. Language difficulties can also make a person feel very defensive (Ho, 1990: Lustig et al., 1993). 32
3.7 FOOD AND DINING ETIQUETTE
Different races and ethnicities have different eating habits, such as no pork or beef, fish on Friday, fasting on certain days, dietary observances during certain periods, and the like. Such customs or requirements may not be a problem during courtship when romantic emotions run high and interaction between the couple usually is courteous and limited. They may loom as irreconcilable sore spots after the couple marries and begins to interact daily and intensely with each other. The following case example involving an interethnic couple illustrates this point (Ho, 1990; Lustig et al., 1993).
On their one month wedding anniversary Oi-Ching, a Chinese wife, was upset when her Japanese husband, Yoko, prepared raw fish for the special celebration. After her initial shock and disbelief, Oi-Ching decided Yoko intentionally prepared raw fish as a means to express his resentment for having to cook for her that particular evening. In return, Yoko criticized Oi-Ching for being too provincial and refusing to try anything non-Chinese. As their argument progressed, Yoko criticized Oi-Ching for her bad table manners. He said that on several occasions she had used her own chopsticks to pass and serve food to their house guests.
3.8 LANGUAGE AND COMMUNICATION
At the beginning of their relationship, each partner in an intercultural couple tends to take for granted that his/her way of communicating is universal. obvious, clear and right, and assumes that the other has understood.
"And interpreting what others say, we assume they mean what we would mean if we said the same thing in the same way. Only later do they begin to see that that is not true and they begin to wonder whether they understood each other at all" (Romano, 1988, pp.44; 92).
Watzlawick et al. (1974) stated that communication is sharing meaning, and includes everything we use to exchange meaning with one another: words, tone of voice, a shoulder shrug, a yawn. It is hard enough for us in our own language to express our thoughts and feelings, to be understood and to be sure we really understand others. 33
When we try to communicate with a spouse (perhaps in his or her language) from a different linguistic and cultural background (as well as the opposite sex), it is that much harder. Good communication is perhaps the most essential ingredient in a successful marriage, and it is probably the most difficult objective to achieve in an intercultural one. How the couple shares meaning pretty much determines the kind of relationship they will have (Romano, 1988).
Researchers have found that the average person spends 50% to 80% of his day listening, but hears only half of what is said, understands only a quarter of that, and remembers even less. In our own language we tune out, half listen, become distracted, or are busy preparing our answers instead of really hearing. If listening is inherently such a difficult task, it is no wonder that intercultural couples have to struggle with it. In order for intercultural couples to overcome their communication handicaps, they have to work harder at listening, using the heart and mind as well as the eye and ear to avoid misunderstanding (Romano, 1988).
Other obstacles also block communication. Usually one of the two is not speaking his or her own language, which means that the message is possibly distorted by the accent of the foreign speaker, and possibly only partially understood by the listener. Then the message sent and received is subject to each listener's interpretation, which depends on his/her own personal and cultural frame of reference (including expectations, insecurities, wants, values, beliefs, prejudices). With such stumbling blocks, it is a wonder anything is communicated at all. But it is: it just takes a lot of hard work and patience (Romano, 1988).
According to Romano (1988), three major components namely: verbal, nonverbal and stylistic can cause major problems for two people who do not come from the same linguistic and cultural background, but who are trying to achieve an intimate relationship. Romano maintained that sometimes it takes years of practice and delving into hidden meanings for these couples to learn how to communicate with each other, while some of them never really learn. 34
3.8.1 Verbal communication
Verbal communication refers to the words we speak and which transmit the sense of what we want to say. At best, however, words are imperfect communicators, and for people who do not have the same mother tongue they can be dangerous. It is not always easy to know what words should be used in another language, when or to whom. Different rules apply in different cultures, and the wrong or inappropriate word can bring about misunderstandings. All languages are made up of idiomatic phrases. shortcut labels, and titles which convey certain meanings without elaborating. But these can be dangerous when conversing with someone with a different mother tongue (Romano, 1988; Watzlawick et al., 1974).
In addition to the words themselves, language often affects the balance of power in an intercultural marriage. Generally one partner is speaking his or her own language, and the other is not (except where both speak the same language or a third language); and as language is power, the more fluent partner has the upper hand and tends to take the lead. Superior linguistic facility, speed, and vocabulary can not only direct the conversation and set its style, but can also manipulate it to serve personal ends. This, according to Romano (1988), is where the balance in the relationship shifts, with the fluent one having the advantage: and whenever things are unbalanced, the relationship suffers.
3.8.2 Non-verbal communication
Just as the spoken language usually differs for couples from different cultural backgrounds, the nonverbal or body language is likely to be dissimilar as well. Whenever a person talks, all of him or her is talking. Each of us makes use of a large set of nonverbal signals which convey meaning, sometimes more than the words themselves: tone of voice, intonations, facial gestures (grimaces, arched eyebrows, half-smiles, frowns), eye contact, body movements (drumming fingers, shrugging shoulders, waving arms), posture (slouched or poised exactly), breathing patterns, and the distance maintained between speakers (intimately close or formally distant). Together they form the framework for our spoken words and help send our message, and these visible signals are interpreted differently from culture to culture (Romano. 1988: Watzlawick et al., 1974). 35
Romano (1988) maintained that many people are aware that the nonverbal aspect of a language really determines fluency because this visible expressiveness often conveys information that is crucial to the understanding of the message. Unfortunately it is difficult to learn because most nonverbal language is out of the awareness of the speaker.
In some cultures, according to Romano (1988), people gesture more than in others. Similar gestures may have different meanings, faces may be unstable or openly emotional; some languages may sound loud or harsh, some people talk all the time, while others make use of silence to transmit messages. Some cultures take the direct approach to convey meaning, while others are masters of innuendo and subtlety. Arabs, for example, depends on eye contact to build trust, while Japanese feel that too much eye contact is intrusive and rude.
3.8.3 Communication styles
According to Deborah Tamen, cited by Romano (1988), styles of conversing are also different for different people. There are, however, no right or wrong styles, simply different styles. Styles of conversing, according to Romano, often depend on the individual's age, education and sex. Women, for example, are often more attuned than men to the meta-messages of talk. They are more likely to be indirect, and to try to reach agreement by negotiation, and often end up appearing deferential and unsure of themselves or of what they want. Also, men expect to do things together and do not feel anything is missing if they do not have heart-to-heart talks all the time. Styles vary significantly across cultures. Some cultures are direct, while others have elaborate systems of linguistic courtesy: some make extensive use of irony and figures of speech: some engage in elegant forms of greetings and salutations; some believe less in the value of the spoken word as a means of expressing thoughts and feelings than do others; some do not always say what they mean, and others do not always mean what they say.
According to Romano (1988), couples who have culturally different styles of communicating, feel they are on different levels "talking to the wind", or passing right by each other. They may also believe that the other is simply not polite because their 36
assumptions of what constitutes good manners differ. The truth is that different styles apply to different peoples, and true communication between intercultural couples requires that they learn to understand, accept, and accommodate to each other's style, as well as learn to cope with the complications which arise from the differences in both their verbal and nonverbal languages. According to Romano it takes a lot of work, but the results of the effort are well worth the investment.
3.9 DEALING WITH STRESS
Just as differences in communication can be a big hurdle in intercultural marriages, so too can culturally different ways of handling stress and/or resolving conflicts.
Monocultural groups have to face stress-related problems, but when ethnic backgrounds are different, the spouses frequently do not know where to begin looking for solutions. The ways people react to stress are generally unconscious and so are hard to identify and/or alter.
Romano (1988; Lustig, 1993) claimed that we receive our first lessons on how to cope with life in our own homes, from our parents, from schools, and from peers. Thus much depends on the kinds of experiences we have on our way to adulthood, and how we are taught to react to them. In some cultures, for example, a child learns that it is acceptable, even healthy, to cry, while in others, crying is shameful or a sign of weakness. One culture may encourage displays of righteous anger, while another teaches self-control. One instructs people to fight for what they want; another believes in passive acceptance of what life brings.
When two people are from the same culture, they can usually comprehend (if not fully agree with or share) each other's way of handling emotions or situations such as sadness, anger. grief, worry. conflict, illness, or death, and usually know what kind of response is expected. When they are not from the same or similar backgrounds. they may be not only puzzled, but upset by each other's behaviour, and react accordingly (Romano, 1988).
Karen Homey, cited by Romano (1988, p.102) said: "Every culture clings to the belief that its own feelings and drives are the one normal expression of human 37
nature." This statement led Romano to believe that we judge ourselves and others according to our approximation to what our society considers normal. When these norms differ, it is hard to know what to think, how to judge, or how to react to another's behaviour.
Romano (1988) claimed that this can be a problem for intercultural couples. One partner may not understand what is going on with the other, may interpret the other's behaviour incorrectly, and react in a negative or inappropriate way, which in turn may be misinterpreted until the whole situation catapults out of control. As McGoldrick, Pearce and Giordano, cited by Romano (1988, p.102) put it: "...couples often react to each other as though the other's behaviour were a personal attack rather than just a difference rooted in ethnicity. Typically, we tolerate differences when we are not under stress. In fact, we find them appealing. However, when stress is added to a system, our tolerance for difference diminishes. We become frustrated if we are not understood in ways that fit our wishes and expectations."
3.10 ILLNESS AND SUFFERING
According to Romano (1988), one stress-causing matter which can be particularly difficult for intercultural couples to handle has to do with illness and suffering, which involves how each answers such questions as: How sick is sick? What is healthy? How can illness be prevented? How should one react to it? Who should treat it and how? When a husband and wife come from different cultures, they may have opposite answers to these questions.
McGoldrick, Pearce and Giordano, cited by Romano (1988), have stated that people differ across cultures in:
How they experience pain; what they lable as a symptom; how they communicate their pain or symptoms; what their beliefs are about the cause of illness; how they regard helpers (doctors and therapists); and what treatment they desire or expect. 38
According to Romano (1988). the way people experience pain is influenced by culture. In some cultures the norm or ideal is to suffer silently, while in others one is expected and allowed to be more demonstrative and verbal in responding to pain.
What is labelled as a symptom also differs from culture to culture. For example, Dunn (1986), cited by Romano (1988, p.105), said: "Among women in the United States, a benign small lump in the breast is charged with fearsome cultural significance. Among the Chinese, mild dizziness is believed to heighten susceptibility to neurasthenia. The patient is overly sensitive to such symptoms, and strong reactions result. In contrast, symptoms that have meaning for health professionals, such as black stools and easy bruising, may be seen as normal or expected in areas where such symptoms are highly prevalent. Culturally informed perceptions may also lead to somatic preoccupations, complaints, illness labelling and help-seeking due to selective attention."
A couple called Fiamma and Andrew were at opposite ends of the spectrum when it came to communicating their pain and symptoms. When Fiamma was expecting their first child, she complained for nine months and screamed with abandon throughout childbirth in true Italian style. Andrew, who had opted to be with her when the child was born, was torn apart by her expressions of agony, and exhausted by the whole ordeal. Later he was amazed to hear her describe her child's birth. "It was nothing. Of course I screamed like a hyena through the whole thing." This was said with a shrug of her shoulders as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Andrew could remember his English mother telling his sister at the time of her birthing: "Keep your mouth shut and remember you are a lady" (Romano, 1988, p.105).
Beliefs about the causes of illness vary according to cultural background and will often dictate how they are to be treated. According to some, illness may result from breathing the night air, while others will swear that fresh air at night prevents illness. In some cultures, people rigidly adhere to rules of cleanliness as infection preventives, while in others all the fuss about hygiene is regarded as exaggerated nonsense. Some cultural groups place stock in witchcraft. believing that illnesses are the result of a spell or are a punishment for a past evil deed. Illness can be perceived as caused by one's own carelessness or inattention or by fate. over which one has no control (Romano. 1988). 39
According to Romano attitudes about doctors and other helpers also vary greatly. Some believe they are the most qualified to treat illness. In other cultures, people have more faith in spiritualists, faith healers, witches, medicine men, or God. Some couples accept each other's preferences concerning health care providers, but others insist on conformity with their own beliefs.
Romano (1988) maintained that intercultural couples can also disagree about treatment for their illnesses. Should they buy over-the-counter drugs, use cures handed down through the family or natural herbs and roots as the Chinese and others have done for centuries, or should they use no medicines whatsoever?
3.11 RAISING CHILDREN
"I try to discourage mixed marriages, but they will be okay as long as they can stay sterile. Once they have children, they have a problem" (Rabinowitz, cited by Wallach, 1984, pp. 7; 78).
Romano (1988) said that many couples reported that they had lived together compatibly until children were born. Even when everything was smooth sailing, disagreements over how best to raise the children often made the going rough. According to Romano, raising children is an important issue for each parent, and each is genuinely concerned that the best thing possible be done for the children. Unfortunately, in most cases, what each sees as best is what each one has known, and even if not considered best, past experience is what will generally be repeated. People revert to their childhood to find a model for parenting, and when their upbringing took place in different countries and cultures. the models may not only be different, but in conflict. Romano sees parents who clash over child-rearing issues as often actually battling over some basic differences in philosophy, values or beliefs which they have not managed to resolve, and the child merely provides the battleground or the spark of conflict. But, at the same time, these issues are often difficult to define, let alone come to grisbs with: so, instead of going to the heart of the matter. the couple fights over the details.
Romano (1988) held that often differences show up before the child is born. What religion should he/she have? What language should be taught? Choosing a name can 40
be a cause of discord: should it be a family name and, if so, whose family? Should the name be typical of one culture, or country, one religion, or should it be one which is acceptable to both? Should the child be raised as monocultural or bicultural, monolingual or bilingual? Are the parents prepared, especially in a dual-race marriage, for the fact that the child may be a blend and not look like either parent?
In childhood there are problems of schooling and training. Should boys and girls be educated equally? Should first sons be given preferential treatment? Is aggressiveness between siblings a preparation for the struggle ahead in life or an antisocial act? Is rebelliousness a sign of disrespect towards elders or a healthy progression toward independence? Should the schooling be done in one or both languages, one or both cultural systems? Should the parents be actively involved in the child's schoolwork or should the child be responsible for his/her own work and the consequences of not doing it well? Does performing poorly at school bring shame on the entire family or on the child alone? (Romano, 1988).
In early adulthood there are questions regarding how much and when to let go of the child, questions regarding sexuality, freedom and filial duty and respect. Should a girl go out alone? Should children choose their own friends, their own mates, live on their own as young adults or with their parents until they marry? The answers to these questions depend a great deal on the cultures involved.
As if it is not enough for the parents themselves to have to come to some agreement regarding these matters, the extended families (the new grandparents, uncles and aunts) often take an active role and provide advice, comments and criticism (solicited or not), and sometimes actually interfere, which makes the parents' job even harder (Romano, 1988).
Most of the issues mentioned above, arise over details which Romano (1988) believes are deeply held philosophies, values and traditions. Values and beliefs according to Romano, define who we are, what is true. what is right and wrong: the musts and must nots. Value and beliefs are first learned at home, and are often out of our conscious awareness. Many fortunate couples discover that, despite many other differences, their basic beliefs and values are the same, and they are able, each in his or her own way. to instill the same strong personal codes into their children. Other 41
couples clash. When the parents' values are not only different, but conflicting, it is Romano's view that there is bound to be trouble for both parents and children.
Children whose parents are involved in a values tug-of-war may choose the value system of the more lenient parent: others will be forced to choose that of the more dominant one. As adults some will renounce both to find their own by trial and error, while there are others who remain confused or unsure for life (Romano, 1988).
Couples frequently couples claim to have the same values, but define them differently. Fiamma, the flamboyant Italian, and her English husband Andrew both taught their children to be honest, but their culturally guided interpretations of "dishonest" were different. Paying bribes and avoiding taxes were a way of life for Fiamma, but for Andrew they were forms of cheating. While both claimed the same values, their children heard a conflicting message (Romano, 1988).
Culturally different values do not always mean conflicting values, and many children of bicultural parents have benefited from the double exposure. Massimo's wife, Tove (one of whose parents had been Danish and the other Egyptian), described herself as diluted because of her two cultures, and felt that she was more tolerant and more broadminded than most of her contemporaries.
The educational or disciplinary styles of parents depend a great deal on their value systems: on how they perceive their roles in life, their relations with others, their perceptions of the world and of themselves. In other words, how they will instruct their children to behave will depend on whether they are doers or be-ers, on whether they believe in the equality of all or in a hierarchical system, on whether they believe the world is something to be tamed for their own purposes or respected and conserved; and on whether they see themselves as individuals with their own futures to carve out, or as an integral part of a group (Romano, 1988).
Some cultures adhere to more authoritarian methods based on patriarchal systems, for example Asians and Europeans, while other (Anglo, North American) cultures are generally more lenient and permissive. This usually means that in the authoritarian family, the parental word is final and there is little room for negotiation. The child must obey. In the permissive family. children are encouraged to participate in the decision making. expressing opinions and ideas. and at least making an attempt to 42
negotiate with the parents. These two orientations make for very different family dynamics and can be the cause of intense conflict when couples come from opposite sides of the fence (Romano, 1988).
The most frequent child-related problems encountered in the intercultural marriages investigated by Romano were found to be those differences regarding punishment of the errant child, specifically the kinds of punishment and the appropriate amount. Yvette, for example, had no problem with Ali's authoritarian orientation, as her own upbringing had been a strict, patriarchal one, but she put her foot down at the harsh physical punishment Ali considered right and necessary to enforce his authority. Quick-tempered, he demanded unquestioning obedience and responded to any lack of it with his hands, pulling the children into submission by their hair, slapping any rebelliousness out of them and, on one or two unforgettable occasions, kicking them into silence. Not a cruel man, he only practised what he was used to, what he believed was the best way to teach them proper behaviour. It was, however, treatment Yvette could not bear to witness in silence as the other women of his culture did; inevitably she interfered, only increasing his anger and, in the long run, causing him to do more physical harm to the children. As they grew older, they pleaded with her not to interfere: "It only makes him get worse", they begged her (Romano, 1988, p.88).
These disagreements caused more conflict than anything else in their marriage. Ali maintained that Yvette was undermining his authority and that their children would be the worse for it; she felt she had to compensate for his undue severity by being more lenient with them than she, by nature, would have chosen to be.
Disciplinary methods, and the kind of family style which they represent - authoritarian or permissive - strongly affect parent-child relationships. The authoritarian family runs on a "rules over feelings" doctrine and the atmosphere is formal and respectful. Homes are set up to enforce this atmosphere with sitting room for adults only. and formal dining rooms where Papa presides and the children watch their manners and curb their tongues.
The permissive type of family is usually more casual, spontaneous. nurturing, and more concerned with expressing feelings than applying rules: it uses feedback, and explains the reasons behind decisions. Homes usually reflect this style, revolving around the family room which is everyone's domain (Romano, 1988). 43
When styles of interfamily relating are culturally different, couples usually choose one of three courses:
They may follow the customs of the land. This usually means that the expatriate spouse gives in to the other's style. In some way this is the easiest on the child because there is consistency between how people act with one another, both in and outside the home.
The second possibility is to adopt the style of one partner: often that of the more dominant one, or of the man in male-dominant culture; sometimes the style of the woman when child rearing is considered her exclusive domain, regardless of where they are living..
The third alternative is for both parents to behave individually in their own naturally comfortable way with their children. This usually happens when both partners are from fairly egalitarian cultures, when both are considered equal partners in the marriage and when each respects the other. This was the case with Massimo and Tove because both partners liked and admired the other's culture, felt that each parent had something special to offer, and did not interfere with how each worked out his/her personal relationship with the children (Romano, 1988).
According to Romano (1988), the primary disadvantage for the children of these parents, who each relate to them in different ways, is that they have two conflicting examples of how to relate to their peers or to other adults. These children may become withdrawn or shy because they do not have a clear and instinctive sense of how to behave.
Other bicultural children benefit from the dual example; they learn at an early age how to get along with all kinds of people and become effective communicators who are more alert to signals and nonverbal messages than others. They can sense more quickly what different people expect; they can use their cross-cultural skills and become true international citizens. 44
Raising children is the real test of how well a couple has learned to handle their many differences because with children all the issues surface and must be confronted. Successful intercultural parents are generally successful intercultural spouses (Romano, 1988).
3.12 ETHNOCENTRISM
According to Lustig et al. (1993) and Romano (1988), the ability to see the world as one's partner sees it, to understand life from the other's vantage point, to empathize with the point of other's view, to allow for it and meet it halfway, may be the true secret to making it over the other obstacles to a successful intercultural marriage. How able the partners are to walk in the other's shoes depends on just how ethnocentric (unalterably convinced of the rightness of their own ways) they are.
Romano (1988) further maintained that all of us are ethnocentric to a certain degree, convinced that our way is the only or right way, and that we judge others according to their approximation to our way. All of us need to be ethnocentric about some things: it gives us stability and consistency, and it is part of what makes us what we are. When people are ethnocentric about almost everything, it means they are intolerent and inflexible, and that they will probably have a hard time making a relationship work - especially an intercultural relationship.
When two ethnocentric people marry, they are often unwilling to consider that there may be alternate, but equally valid ways of being and of doing things. They not only disagree or disparage each other's ways, but also try to convert them to their own. Although the more dominant one may prevail, something basic is lost, for the only way intercultural marriages can succeed is for the partners to realize that there are many ways to look at the world, and to find a compromise which is reasonably satisfactory to both of them.
Some cultures are more flexible than others and tolerate alternative patterns of living. Others automatically exclude anything different. People who marry into a culture which requires conformity must be ready to embrace it totally. In Kenya, for example, there was only one way for a woman to behave. If she did not live up to that way, she 45
was bad. There was no compromise. Her ways or opinions were not valid (Romano, 1988).
Romano (1988) claimed that the ideal situation is when both partners are mature and flexible enough to remain independent and individual, able to acknowledge the other's individuality, and to accept that both have ethnocentric needs which must be respected, and possibly to recognize that sometimes the other's ways may even work better. World diplomats Massimo and Tove, for example, claimed that they did not know what ethnocentrism meant. Life together in their eyes was truly a mix, an experiment, and an international cocktail which was concocted by using a "little of this, a little of that, in different ways every day - sometimes better, sometimes not, but never, ever dull." (Romano, 1988. p.110).
3.13 PATTERNS OF FAMILY INTERACTION AND ADOLESCENT SEX-ROLE CONCEPTS
Erickson (1950; 1968), and Marcia (1966, 1980) cited by Werrbach and Grotevant (1991), maintained that one important task of adolescent development is the classification of one's personal concepts regarding what is appropriate and inappropriate for men and women to do and think. According to these authors, development of sex-role concepts involves the formulation of a set of values regarding how men and women should behave, feel, and act. According to Huston (1988) much of the empirical and theoretical work on sex-role socialisation suggests the importance of the family as a context for the development of sex-role concepts. However, a review of the literature on sex-role development and family interaction revealed that most empirical observational work focused on the preschool child (Huston, 1983).
In their study Werrbach and Grotevant (1991) aimed at investigating the following:
Are individual differences in male and female adolescents' sex-role concepts related to patterns of family interactions?
If so, what distinctive roles do mothers and fathers play in adolescents' development of sex-role concepts? 46
3.13.1 Adolescent development of sex-role concepts
Werrbach and Grotevant (1991) stated that the Black theoretical framework (1973, 1978), describes the developmental stages through which children actively organise, construct, and transform information from the cultural environment into concepts about masculinity, femininity, and sex-appropriate behaviour. Drawing from cognitive (Kohlberg, 1964), and ego-developmental theory (Leovinger, 1966; Leovinger & Wisser, 1970), Black delineated the developmental tasks necessary for an individual to move to increasingly more complex levels of sex-role concepts. Black asserts that during the conformity level, boys are encouraged to suppress feelings and affects, while girls are encouraged to control self-assertion and aggression. At the next level the individual critically examines the deviation of personal values from societal values. Thus adolescence, a time of increasing self- evaluation, may provide an important opportunity for development from the conformity level of sex-role concepts to the conscientious level of sex-role concepts (Black, 1993, cited by Werrbach & Grotevant, 1991).
3.13.2 Individuation in family relationships
In recent years, Grotevant and Cooper (1985, 1986) developed a theoretical and empirical basis for investigating the links between individual differences in adolescent development and face-to-face family interaction. These authors developed a model of individuation in family relationships. Individuation was defined as "a quality of dyadic relationships generated by both its members, and seen in the interplay between individuality and connectedness of the partners" (Grotevant & Cooper, 1985, p.125). In this model, individuality is reflected in expressions of self- assertion and separateness, by mutuality and permeability. Self-assertion is seen when individuals communicate their points of view clearly, and separateness, when they can express differences between themselves and others. Mutuality is seen when individuals demonstrate sensitivity to the views of others, and permeability when they show responsiveness or openness to the ideas of others (Grotevant & Cooper, 1986, cited by Werrbach, Grotevant & Cooper, 1991). 47
According to Werrbach and Grotevant, several lines of evidence provide the basis for pursuing links between adolescents' experience on family individuation and the development of sex-role concepts. First, case study analyses concluded by Werrbach and others in 1987 indicated tentative support for a relationship between family interaction patterns and adolescents' sex-role concepts. Connectedness in the mother- son dyad appeared to be an important relational experience for males who reported less traditional views of men's and women's roles, while separateness expressed between daughters and mothers seemed critical for daughters who reported less traditional views of men's and women's roles. In terms of daily family activity, less traditional views were expressed by girls who spent less time with their families and by boys who spent less time with friends.
The second line of evidence concerns findings that distinctive patterns of individuality and connectedness in family interactions are associated with male and female adolescents' developmental outcomes which were as mentioned by Grotevant and Cooper. In particular, the expression of individuality among family members appears to play a key role for female adolescents who exhibit a higher degree of identity exploration in the areas of dating and friendship. For males, however, identity exploration was associated with the expression of connectedness, support, and validation - especially from their fathers. Previous research found that adolescents consistently named parents as the major influence on their beliefs about mens's and women's roles (Werrbach, Grotevant & Cooper, 1990).
The findings of the study by Werrbach and Grotevant (1991) indicate that different patterns of family interaction are associated with the development of non-traditional sex-role concepts for male and female adolescents. The picture that emerged for female adolescents who express conscientious-level sex-role concepts is one in which daughters spent less time with their families, and observed a marital relationship in which mothers initiated fewer compromises and made fewer indirect suggestions to their husbands. Mothers appeared to fit less neatly into the stereotypic view of women as compromisers, facilitators, and mindreaders. In a marital pattern of decreased connectedness and less stereotypic communication patterns, daughters were seen to be given a chance to exemplify in their relationships with friends and boyfriends, and to incorporate in their ideas about men's and women's roles. This was found to be consistent with the literature on children's sex-role socialisation that suggests indirect 48
support for the notion that parents who follow non-stereotypic patterns influence their children's behaviour and beliefs about appropriate behaviour for men and women in the direction of less traditional sex-role behaviour (Huston, 1983, cited by Werrbach & Grotevant, 1991).
The picture of male adolescents who articulated conscientious-level sex-role concepts emphasised the expression of connectedness between mothers and sons, and less time spent with friends and others. Mothers requested information from their sons, acknowledged their sons' opinions, and generally agreed with their sons' ideas. In turn, sons offered indirect suggestions and initiated compromises with their mothers. Mothers solicited information and sons answered their requests. These findings were consistent with previous research by Lavoie (1976) and Huston (1983) that suggested that maternal warmth appears to play an important role in males' identity development and sex-role development.
For boys who expressed conscientious-level sex-role concepts, the father-son relationship was characterised by a decrease in connectedness between fathers and sons. This was a perplexing finding by Grotevant and Cooper (1986), and by Grotevant and Cooper (1985), given studies of adolescent development and sex-role development that suggest the importance of fathers' expression of mutuality toward their sons. The decrease in connectedness between fathers and sons was viewed by Younisse and Smollar (1985) as a reflection of the overall emotional distance in the father-adolescent relationship, and sons would experience mutuality and affiliation with their fathers in contexts other than a family decision-making task, such as in sports and leisure activities.
3.14 CROSS-CULTURAL FAMILY DIFFERENCES: INTERRACIAL ASSESSMENT OF WHITE, BLACK AND MEXICAN-AMERICAN FAMILIES
In their study, Beavers, Hampson and Hulgus (1990) aimed at investigating the differences in patterns of interaction between ethnic groupings of families. Their study utilised observational ratings of family interactions with the Beavers Interactional Competence Scale, comparing interactional qualities of 89 white, 79 black and 18 Mexican-American families. 49
The Beavers Interactional Competence Scale which is a 13-item structured observational rating scale. The scale was completed using trained observers' evaluations of family interaction for a minimum of a 10-minute period. The scale was based on general systems theory and studies of well-functioning versus dysfunctional families.
The results of the study were divided into two categories, namely: Ethnic Comparison and Social Class Comparison.
3.14.1 Ethnic comparison
When the patterns of competence and style ratings were analysed on the basis of ethnic classification, no significant differences were found on global ratings on either dimension in non-clinical families. Across groups, no significant differences in ratings of global competence or global style existed between white, black, and Mexican-American families. Had such differences existed, the culture fairness of these rating scales would have come under suspicion. There was, however, a trend for Mexican-American families to show more dominant, overt power exchanges than white or black families. On the mythology subscale regarding how the family's concept of itself is congruent with that of outside raters, the Mexican-American families were rated as significantly more congruent than were whites or black families. Black families, in contrast, were rated as significantly less able to express or state feelings and thoughts directly and clearly (clarity of expression), less apt to respond openly and receptively to efforts of family members to interrupt or make personal statements (permeability), and to show a more consistent, less varied, range of feelings in their various interactional exchanges. In the overall pattern of competence ratings, the Mexican-American families tended toward consistently higher patterns of ratings. White families tended toward middle positions, and black families tended toward consistently less competent ratings, though these differences were mostly statistically non-significant. This pattern was influenced by the differential weighting of nuclear versus single-parent families in the ethnic groups.
On ratings of family style no significant differences were found for global ratings of centripetal/centrifugal style across ethnic groups: the Mexican-American subsample 50
showed more consistent ratings toward the inner-directed centripetal style, although most subscale differences were statistically non-significant. Mexican-Americans were rated as being more attuned to, and encouraging of, dependency needs in their children than both other groups, while black families were significantly more discouraging of such behaviours than both other groups.
Black families were rated as significantly different from the other groups in the relative ease with which positive, rather then negative, feelings were expressed. White families tended toward the middle position on most of the stylistic ratings. Hence, while no significant differences were found on the global rating of family style, subtle differences existed in the way the families presented themselves in group interaction.
3.14.2 Social class comparison
In analysing the data in their study, Beavers, Humpson and Hulgus (1990) considered the associations between occupational (income) status and family ratings. These were computed both across and between the three ethnic groups.
On only two subscales, and importantly, not global competence ratings, were there significant correlations between occupational class and family competence ratings. Both black and Mexican-American families showed statistically significant, though modest, occupational class correlations with rated permeability, (the degree to which they responded to make personal clarifications and self-referencing statements); hence the possibility exists that the differences between ethnic groups may reflect social class rather than ethnic differences. Similarly, the data from the black families showed a significant correlation between occupation and range of feelings; hence the finding that black families were rated as showing a more truncated range of feelings may be interpreted as reflecting social class rather than ethnicity differences.
In terms of family style ratings, none of the individual style subscale showed any significant correlations with occupationsal status for blacks, north mexican-american families, while only one (verbal expression of closeness) was so for white families.
Tthe significant differences noted between ethnic groups, therefore, appear to be related to ethnic variations in the manifestations of centripetal and centrifugal 51
tendencies in these families. In contrast, global ratings of family styles based on summary impressions of subscale-based binding versus expelling patterns in families, were highly correlated with occupational status for all three ethnic groups. Overall ratings of centripetality versus centrifugality were found to be highly related to occupational status, while the significant differences between ethnic groups on stylistic qualities appeared to be related more to between ethnic group differences than to socio-economic levels.
These findings were consistent with, and supportive of, the investigators' hypothesis that any differences found between ethnic groups were likely to reflect differences in structure or style of interaction, rather than actual differences in competence or health.
3.15 COMPONENTS OF FAMILY LIFE SATISFACTION IN A SAMPLE OF 58 KOREAN/AMERICAN COUPLES
In their study Rho and Schumm (1989) aimed at investigating the meaning of family life satisfaction. The manner in which subjects weighted different aspects of family life in order to arrive at an overall estimate of family life satisfaction, was also investigated. Fifty eight Korean/American couples were the subjects in the study. According to these investigators, previous research had indicated that the best predictors of family life satisfaction were satisfaction with spouse, followed by satisfaction with parental relationships. However, they claimed that such relationships might prove to be different in different types of families (Rho & Schumm, 1989). These investigators repeated a study which had previously been done by Schumm and others in 1986. In this study a single item was predicted, namely "How satisfied are you with your family life?" (Rho & Schumm, 1989). From the Kansas Marital Satisfaction Scale, the Kansas Parental Satisfaction Scale, and a self-satisfaction scale, were used.
The overall adjusted multiple correlation coefficients for husbands and wives were 0,75 and 0,69, respectively. The best predictor of family life satisfaction for both husbands and wives was marital satisfaction (standardised beta = 0.57 for husbands and 0,62 for wives, both significant at p<0,0001). The betas for parental satisfaction were 0.32 (p<0.0001) and -0.09 for husbands and wives, whereas those for self- 52
satisfaction were 0,18 (p<0,05) and 0,34 (p<0,01) for husbands and wives respectively. For both spouses, marital satisfaction seemed to be the primary component of family life satisfaction, with parental relationship and self-satisfaction important for husbands, and self-satisfaction important for wives. Even within a different sample of interracial couples, the primacy of marital satisfaction in accounting for family-life satisfaction appeared to be replicated (Rho & Schumm, 1989, p.782). However, the low explanatory power of parental satisfaction for Korean wives was found to be merit further investigation.
3.16 BLACK AND WHITE WOMEN'S ATTITUDES TOWARD INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE
According to Brown (1987), cited by Paset and Taylor (1991), a previous investigation into the attitudes of black American women indicated that they did not approve of interracial marriage. In their study Paset and Taylor aimed at extending these findings by examining and comparing the attitudes of white and black women toward interracial marriage.
The participants were 50 white and 50 black college women who were native United States citizens, and who were aged between 18 and 23 years. Participants rated their responses on a 10-point Likert scale (1: most negative, to 10: most positive) to the questions (a) "What is your attitude toward a man of your race marrying a woman of a different race?", and (b) "What is your attitude toward a woman of your race, marrying a man of a different race?" (Paset & Taylor, 1991).
Regarding men marrying women of another race, white women gave a more favourable mean attitude rating (M = 64) than black women (M = 48). These differences were, however, not statistically significant. Scores at the scale extreme, however, were remarkably different. Regarding men marrying women of another race, 3 white women responded at the scale extreme of 1 (most negative) and 14 responded at 10 (most positive). Black women, on the other hand, responded in an opposite manner (13 scored 1 and 6 scored 10). A post hoc contrast confirmed a significant difference (X 2 = 9,38, p<0,025) in those extreme response patterns. A similar result (X2 = 8,39, p<0,025) was found when extreme reactions to women 53
another race were analysed (13 black and 3 white women scored 1; 7 black and 14 white women scores 10) (Paset & Taylor, 1991).
White sample-size characteristics, however, limited the generalisability of the findings. It seemed that white women were consistently more favourable, if not statistically significantly so, than black women towards their men and women marrying persons of another race (Paset & Taylor, 1991).
3.17 CORRESPONDENCE OF FAMILY THERAPISTS' PERCEPTIONS WITH FAMILY RATIONAL COMMUNICATION CONTROL CODING SYSTEM (FRCCCS) CODING RULES FOR TRIADIC INTERACTIONS
Gaul, Simon, Friedlander and Cutler (1991) suggested that family therapists of many theoretical persuasions emphasise the importance of attending to, and intervening in, interactions that occur among three or more family members. For example, interactional patterns in which a two-person dialogue is repeatedly interrupted by a third person ("intercept"), in which one person indirectly delivers a message to another through a third ("indirect message"), or in which one person totally bypasses or ignores another person's question, request, or challenge by turning to a third party ("disconfirmation"), are believed to reflect important information about boundaries, coalitions, and power dynamics in the family (Haley, 1967; Minuchin, 1974; Sluzki & Beavin, 1965, 1977). Moreover, a recent study polling experts who teach and practice structural therapy (Fiegley & Nelson, 1990) found that skills like "recognize coalition problem", "strengthen boundaries appropriately", and "conceptualize family interaction" tend to be ranked as extremely important for family therapists. Thus, for clinical practice and supervision, as well as for research that seeks to test theoretical assertions about family dynamics. Gaul et al., suggest that it is important to study the communication patterns that reflect these constructs. Recent work on the Family Relational Communication Control Coding System (FRCCCS) by Friedlander and Heatherington (1989) addressed this need. The FRCCCS can be used to identify and map complex patterns of relational influence among more than two individuals and the therapist. Dynamics such as "who has the right to define, delimit, or constrain the action of the interpersonal system" were looked at. thus concentrating on how 54
messages are offered and received (Miller & Rogers, 1980, p.4). The FRCCCS was found to be useful in identifying and mapping complex patterns of interaction that take place among family members.
3.18 CONCLUSIONS DRAWN FROM THE RESEARCH DISCUSSED
At the beginning of this chapter Romano's (1988) typology of marital models: submission, compromise, obliteration and consensus were discussed. Intermarriage was also discussed and it was pointed oyut that when persons of different racial or ethnic backgrounds marry, their adjustment difficulties are likely to exceed those of couples with a common cultural background, These difficulties are likely to be magnified by differences in values, customs and tradition. Problems that result from such differences were examined in the light of their relevance to the assessment phase of therapy with intermarried couples.
Patterns of family interaction and adolescent sex-role concepts were also investigated. The findings of the study by Werrbach & Grotevant (1991) indicated that different patterns of family interaction are associated with the development of traditional or non-traditional sex-role concepts for both male and female adolescents. Furthermore, cross-cultural differences between whites, blacks and mexican-american families were compared. Black families were found to be less able to express or state feelings and thoughts clearly. Mexican-American families tended to show more dominant, overt power exchanges, while white families tended toward a middle position. Family life satisfaction was found to be of primary importance for husbands, while self- satisfaction was found to be the most important factor for wives.
The discussions in this chapter suggest that there seem to be important unclarified issues and unanswered questions. Whether or not language affects the balance of power in an intercultural marriage, and whether or not the more fluent partner has the upper hand, will be investigated and discussed later in this study. 55
According to Romano (1988) women are often more attuned than men to the meta- message of talk. They are more likely to be indirect, and to trying to teach agreement by negociation. He maintains further that some cultures are direct while other have elaborate systems of linguistic courtesy. It is these issues that motivated the researcher to undertake this study. 56
CHAPTER 4
RESEARCH DESIGN
4.1 INTRODUCTION
In the previous chapter language and communication were discussed in terms of verbal, and non-verbal communication, and styles of communication. Patterns of family interaction and adolescent sex-role concepts were also discussed. The investigator's aim is to investigate patterns of family interaction in interracial marriages. It is believed that the findings of this study will be useful to South Africans as they are a multilingual and multicultural society. The findings might also bring about a better understanding between people of different racial groups, especially in the work place.
4.2- STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM
It is the principal aim of this study to investigate the interactions in families with interracial marriages. It is also the investigator's aim to find out how these couples' patterns of interaction affect their children, and to investigate how adolescents view their families. Interracial marriage in South Africa is a "new" dimension, which has only recently been legalised in a volatile socio-political context.
The specific issues to be investigated are: What were the effects of South African's socio-political history on interracial marriages? Are there interactional differences in the families resulting from mixed marriages? What are the differences in interactions in these couples? 57
Are there common patterns of interaction that exist among mixed couples?
4.3 OPERATIONAL DEFINITION
Within the South African context, the term interracial or mixed marriage will be used to imply a marriage between two people who were brought up as members of different racial groups.
4.4 RESEARCH DESIGN
4.4.1 Sampling
A sample of 10 mixed couples will be investigated. Couples will be selected on the basis of the following criteria: willingness to participate; willingness to be open to the researcher; availability for consultation; and ability to articulate their-views.
4.4.2 Demographics
Attempts will be made to control for variance due to extraneous factors such as age, education, duration of acquaintanceship, and marriage, number of children and other factors. This will be done in order to keep the group as homogeneous as possible.
4.5 MEASURING INSTRUMENTS
The following measuring instruments will be used:
The FFAQ (Family Functioning in Adolescence Questionnaire) published by the Human Sciences Research Council will also be used. 58
SYMLOG: (A System for the Multiple Level Observation of Groups), tape rating system (audio) in which about 30 minutes to one hour of interactions of each couple will be taped (Bales & Cohen, 1979).
4.5.1 Family Functioning in Adolescence Questionnaire (FFAQ)
The family is generally regarded as the main matrix of personality development, laying the foundations for mental health in childhood. A relatively recent research trend has been the development of models conceptualising the health of the family as a system which governs that of its individual members. These models are defined in terms of psychosocial characteristics of the family which are regarded as conducive to family health, as well as to the health of the individuals who comprise it (Beavers, 1977; Epstein, Bishop & Levin, 1978; Lewis, 1976; Lewis, 1978, 1979a, 1979b; Moos, 1974).
Purpose
The purpose of the Family Functioning in Adolescence Questionnaire is to assess the psychosocial functioning of a family as perceived by an adolescent.
FFAQ was developed as an instrument for assessing the psychosocial health of a family during the stage of having adolescent children. It is based on a model that integrates family systems research and the developmental tasks of adolescents, and examines six dimensions of family functioning: (1) Structure; (2) Affect; (3) Communication; (4) Behaviour Control; (5) Value Transmission; and (6) External Systems. The questionnaire assesses these dimensions as follows: 59
Structure A family organizational structure with clear but permeable boundaries around individual members and a cohesive parental subsystem (Beavers, 1977; 1981; Lewis, 1979a).
Affect A broad range of affective expressiveness (Beavers, 1981; Lewis, 1979; 1979a).
Communication Clear and direct communication (Beavers, 1981; Epstein, Bishop & Levin, 1978; Lewis, 1978).
Behaviour Control A democratic pattern of behaviour control (Epstein et al., 1978; Olson, Sprenkle & Russel, 1979).
Value Transmission Transmission by parents to children of ethical standards and social values (Lewis, 1976; Lewis, 1978).
External Systems Clear but permeable external boundaries of the family in its relationships with systems outside the family system (Beavers, 1981; Moos, 1974).
4.5.2 The SYMLOG
SYMLOG is a set of methods for the study of groups, basically small natural groups, such as families, teams, or classroom groups, where the personalities of the specific persons are involved and their relationships with each other are the focus of interest. 60
The SYMLOG system is designed so that in its most compact form, it can be applied by a single person in the study of a single group in any setting, without the use of any specific apparatus.
The general theory and methods of SYMLOG provide a way of gaining an understanding of a particular group, even when the opportunities of making technical observations in the groups are limited.
The SYMLOG rating method provides as systematic way of recapturing, from one's own memory, a sufficiently good picture of individuals and their relationships in a group. It also serves the purpose of raising many important questions, and perhaps of providing new insights.
4.6 RESEARCH QUESTIONS
Subjects will be asked the following questions:
What do you think about the political situation in South Africa now?
How do you think it is likely- to affect your marriage?
4.7 EXPECTED RESULTS
It appears likely that couples in interracial marriages might tend to give preference to the culture of the dominant spouse. However, in more liberal and cross-culturally oriented couples, cultures of both spouses will be taught to the child. In cases where the husband is a black South African. children are likely to be brought up in a white culture since it has been observed that children of these couples are usually placed in multi-racial schools with either English or Afrikaans as the medium of instruction. 61
4.8 DATA ANALYSIS
A System for the Multiple Level Observation of Groups (SYMLOG), will be used to analyze the data that will be gathered from the interviewed couples. Bales, Cohen and Williamson (1979, p.3) described SYMLOG as a set of methods for the study of groups such as families, teams or classroom groups, where the personalities of the specific persons involved, and their relationships with each other, are the focus of interest. In this study SYMLOG will be used as a method for the study of families' (married couples) patterns of interaction. SYMLOG is a system for the study of groups in the sense that it consists of a number of different parts, integrated to serve the purpose of making a particular group easier to understand and work with. Although it is a large and complex system in its entirety, it has a great virtue of being very flexible in its application, and can be made very simple (Bales & Cohen, 1979, p.3). According to these authors, one may use only a small part of it for a given study and still have the advantages of being able to relate one's findings to a working body of theory and methods that have been used in other similar studies. In this study the SYMLOG Interaction Scoring Form will be used to analyse the data. This interaction scoring form will be discussed later in this chapter.
In using the SYMLOG as a method of analysing data, an alternative approach is to use the SYMLOG Adjective Rating Form, which may be used to help recall and describe retrospectively the characteristic behaviour of any group of individuals one has seen in interaction with each other. Another set of parts concerned with the initial gathering of information about the group is an act-by-act observation called the SYMLOG Interaction Scoring. According to Bales and Cohen, "Scoring" is distinguished from "Rating" in that it is a method for making detailed observations and descriptions of acts one by one in the course of the actual interaction at the time each act occurs. SYMLOG Interaction Scoring usually requires a special arrangement with the group members, either to make observations concurrently, or to make sound or video recordings, which may then be used later for the actual scoring. In this study, sound recordings will be used.
Although SYMLOG Interaction Scoring requires some training to do, and takes longer than the Rating method, it has the advantage of richness of detail and particularly tends to give insight into the way in which different topics persons in the group talk about affect the relationships in the group. SYMLOG Scoring captures information not only about the behaviour of individuals, but also about the content of what they say and the attitudes they express (Bales and Cohen, 1979, p.4). According 62
to these authors, this is the meaning of the term "Multiple Level Observation". They further maintained that learning how to do SYMLOG Interaction Scoring is a way of improving one's ability to observe, and is also the basis of a detailed kind of feedback to the group members that may be helpful to them in pinpointing specific aspects of their behaviour, content, preoccupation, and attitudes. The reliability of the two above-mentioned methods has been presented in Bales and Cohen's book based on videotaped extracts of the interaction of a family.
4.9 THE SYMLOG LANGUAGE
The SYMLOG Interaction Scoring is, according to Bales and Cohen, a more articulated approach especially adapted to providing group members with detailed feedback about their behaviour and to the teaching of observation and theory.
Since SYMLOG Interaction Scoring is a method of producing a record of behaviour and content during the actual interaction, it involves coding a large volume of information into more compact form, and turns out to be a kind of miniature language, with special abbreviations and conventions.
The kind of information provided by SYMLOG for feedback to group members represents important departures from the kinds of feedback available in leader- centered therapy groups, intensive encounter groups, human relations training groups, or classrooms. Voluntary choice of the participant in the selection and evaluation of the information is maximised. The procedure is democratic in terms of who has the power to influence whom. The means of influence are primarily intellectual or informational (Bales and Cohen, 1979. p.162).
Group members sometimes wonder about differences in the way in which other group members perceive them or why they are perceived as they are by intimate others outside the group. The individualised log of behaviour may afford some insight into varying interpretations of one's own behaviour. One might understand better why some people see hostility where others see objectivity and rationality, for example, by noticing that some observers attend to nonverbal behaviour, while others focus on the content of values expressed. The differentiated data obtainable in SYMLOG may make others' perception of one more understandable. and may help focus on what specifically can be altered to produce change in their perceptions. if change is desired. In this way SYMLOG provides feedback that is democratic, systematic and detailed. 63
4.10 THE FORMAT OF THE SYMLOG MESSAGE ACCORDING TO BALES, COHEN, AND WILLIAMSON (1979)
The SYMLOG message will be coded on the scoring form following the SYMLOG language. Each part of the message will be assigned to its column on a form designed by Bales and cohen as seen below.
Observer Group Date Page Draw a diagram of the physical location of group members on back of page 1
Time Who Toward Act Direc- Ordinary Pro/ Direc- Image Acts Whom No tion Description Con tion Level of Behavior or Image
Figure 1: The SYMLOG interaction Scoring Form 64
The first column is headed time. The time shown in this column will indicate that the act took place at a specific time during the interview. The abbreviation for the subject's name will be written under the heading WHO/ACTS. A pseudonym will be written under the column TOWARD/WHOM. Thus the two columns will be thought of as grouped together to specify the ACTOR and the RECEIVER of the ACT respectively. Thus the headings may be read together as: WHO ACTS TOWARD WHOM.
The next element of the message will be the technical word ACT written under the heading ACT or NON. The word ACT will mean that the actor is communicating with the receiver verbally or that he/she intended communication, while the technical word NON will stand for nonverbal behaviour. If the behaviour appears to the observer as not necessarily intended to communicate, but nevertheless gives signs of the ACTOR's attitudes and feelings, then the behaviour will be classified as NON.
Behaviour at the ACT level also has nonverbal components and accompaniments, which help the RECEIVER and the observer to understand the meaning of the communication. Thus, ACT will mean intended overt acts of communication toward the other, including their nonverbal components, so long as the nonverbal components do not give a different or contrary meaning. If the nonverbal behaviour of the ACTOR at any time may be regarded as important, it will be scored.
The next element of the message will be written under the heading DIRECTION, which means the DIRECTION of ACT or NON which will be represented by the code term. "UP". This code term in this case actually consists of two sub-elements, "U" and "P". The first element "U", will stand for the term Upward which will mean "Ascendant or Dominant". The second element of the Code, "P" will stand for the term "Positive" which means "friendly". The code term UP thus will combine these two meanings and use them as a qualitative description of the behaviour.
In the language of SYMLOG the dimension from dominant acts to submissive acts is said to range from "Upward" to "Downward - . The dimension is designated U-D. Figure 2 also shows the dimension from friendly to unfriendly. The dimension is also said to range from "Positive - (friendly) to "Negative" (unfriendly). Letters "1 3- (positive) or -friendly - and/or "N" (negative) or "unfriendly" will be used as codes to 65
indicate attitudes and motives of various kinds in the individual's personality, as they are thought of as having forces that tend to drive a person toward a given kind of overt behaviour (Bales and Cohen, 1979).
The oberserver has no special "inside access" to the attitudes and motivational forces of the personality of the actor. Therefore, the observer will be reporting what effect the actor's behaviour has upon the observer himself or herself. The observer's perception, however, even though subjective, is often similar to that of the receiver of the act, and the actor's perception is not necessarily very different. SYMLOG does not assume similarity, but rather provides a way to discover the similarities as well as differences among actor, receiver and observer.
Figure 2 also shows the dimension from "Backward" to "Forward". Behaviour in the "Forward" direction will include such acts as careful analysing and reasoning by the actor. Behaviour in the "Backward" direction will include such acts as joking, laughing, etc.
The final elements of the message format are concerned with what kind of IMAGE is presented in the content of what the ACTOR says. This element will be discussed and decided upon by the researcher and her three assistants. An IMAGE is a picture of an emotionally loaded focus of attention. Since the observers cannot see the psychological entity inside the ACTOR, they will locate the set of words around which the attention seems to focus or the events to which the ACTOR and/or the RECEIVER are paying attention. The IMAGE is a given case, maybe an image of the self. When a person talks about self, for example. either Pro or Con attitudes may be expressed about those images. The raters will score the ACTOR's attitude about the SELF.
The description under the title ORDINARY DESCRIPTION OF BEHAVIOUR will represent a few words in uncoded language, preferably some of the words used by the ACTOR.
The column PRO or CON will represent a judgement by the researcher and her assistants as to whether the image is something the ACTOR is in favour of (PRO) or against (CON). The SYMLOG language by the use of the terms PRO and CON, permits the observer the kinds of value judgements individuals make and recommend to each other, Hence, according to Bales and Cohen, the language gives the means of recording and describing the development of "group norms" of which in this study the 66
couple's norms will be recorded. since what these authors mean by a "group norm" is a PRO or CON value judgement about an element in some general image upon which members seem to agree.
4.11 CONCLUSION
The SYMLOG language, as explained above, helps the reader to understand more clearly what is meant by the "Multiple Level" observation of behaviour. It means the observation and recording of both the simple and the more complex levels of behaviour in the same message about the same act or piece of behaviour.
4.11.1 The nature of interpretations
The observer will not try to record every event that takes place in the group as this will be impossible. The goal of the observer will be to record events that seem to have an important impact on the group process and which the observer thinks deserve notice in feedback. SYMLOG does not try to eliminate the particular selectivity and bias of the individual human observer in order to increase inter-observer reliability or agreement. Instead, it attempts to codify and refine the individual perceptions of observers and to reveal their differing sensibilities in interaction events (Bales & Cohen, 1979, p.183).
An event may be significant for various reasons. It may be significant because it is characteristic of the actor and throws light on the actor's personality. An act may also be significant because it assists in understanding group mood or conflict. Whatever the nature of the significance in a given act, the judgement of the individual observer as to the salience and importance of an event is called upon by SYMLOG observation (Bales & Cohen, 1979, p.183).
The observer will strive to make independent judgements. The average perception or judgement of all the persons involved in the observer group, will be taken as specifying the best, or most significant. observation. Thus, at the time of scrutinising each message the observer will simply do his or her best.
In making the judgement of "Upward" or "Downward", "Positive" or "Negative" or "Forward" or "Backward" each observer (see Section 4.12) will give his or her own 67
reaction to the act of the actor. The dimensional description will classify the behaviour not according to its "causes", but according to its "consequences": that is, the effect it has upon the receiver or observer. Thus the observer's reactions will be part of the consequences.
It is true that when the observer tries to put himself or herself in the place of other group members and tries to sense how they are reacting to the actor, the observer is trying to read the minds of the other group members. The observer cannot entirely escape the paradox of trying to read the minds of others when trying to judge the direction of an act. However, in all natural interaction such an attempt is made to try to understand in a common-sense way what the other is trying to do (Bales & Cohen, 1979, p.185).
Bales and Cohen (1979, p.186) maintain that the observer using SYMLOG already knows very well how to make the distinctions and give most of the evaluative reactions to the behaviour of others in his culture. If the theory is correct about the essential nature of the dimensions, they are dimensions of evaluation that have their genesis in small-group interaction. The assumption is that whenever small-group interaction takes place, the evaluative dimensions tend to be constituted. The observers, as well as the group members, have learned to react in terms of these dimensions in all of the different groups in which they have participated and in which they have acquired their social nature, including the language they speak. The observer will thus make all or most of the important distinctions on an intuitive level. In this way the observer will be locating the correspondences between the intuitive frame of reference and the three dimensions as named and described earlier in the model.
4.12 TRAINING RATERS
Three raters will be trained by the investigator to rate the taped interviews. The investigator will first give each rater a hand-out of her methodology chapter for them to read, thus introducing each rater to the SYMLOG languages. the format of the SYMLOG message and the SYMLOG interaction scoring form. The SYMLOG interaction scoring form will be used simultaneously with one taped interview in order to teach the raters how to score the tape. The raters. together with the investigator, will discuss the coding of these messages on the SYMLOG interaction scoring form. Each rater will thereafter score the tapes individually. 68
4.12.1 Inter-rater reliability
The agreement among raters will later be checked by the investigator to determine reliability. A high co-relation between raters will mean that it is unnecessary to report separate data (Bales and Cohen, 1979). To demonstrate reliability, internal consistency and inter-rater agreement will be considered.
4.13 CONCLUSION
This study aims to investigate the interactions in families with interracial marriages. Furthermore, the investigator aims to investigate how adolescents view their families. The SYMLOG instrument and the FFAQ as measuring instruments that the investigator will use to collect data, were previously explained. Raters will also introduced to the SYMLOG language and the different aspects that the FFAQ addresses. The manner in which the data collected will be interpreted was also discussed.
In the next chapter the findings of this study will be discussed. The investigator will also discuss difficulties that were experienced in the process of conducting this study. 69
CHAPTER 5
RESEARCH FINDINGS
5.1 INTRODUCTION
In the previous chapter SYMLOG as a method of analysing data was discussed. The FFAQ was also discussed. In this chapter the findings of the study will be discussed. The researcher will also briefly discuss different themes that were identified in the interviews conducted. Before discussing the findings, various problems which were experienced in undertaking this study will be discussed.
5.2 PROBLEMS EXPERIENCED
Researcher found it difficult to get subjects for the study, in spite of knowing many mixed couples who are not married. Thandi magazine gave researcher the names and telephone numbers of interracial couples who had been interviewed previously by Thandi magazine. Researcher contacted the couples, and although most were willing to participate, it was difficult for the couples to be interviewed together as many had spouses in parliament and were geographically separated. Other people who were interested in the study introduced researcher to interracial couples that they knew. Because of the difficulties mentioned, researcher finally interviewed eight couples, instead of the ten that she had initially intended to interview.
5.2.1 Demographics
It was impossible for the researcher to control for variance due to extraneous factors such as age, education, duration of acquaintanceship, marriage, number of children, and other factors. As a result the group of couples interviewed was not homogeneous. Some couples married before the repeal of the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act and Section 16 of the Immorality Act, while other couples got married after the repeal of these Acts. Some couples had young children, while other couples had adolescent children. Owing to this factor, not all the couples that were interviewed were 70
evaluated by their adolescent children in order to obtain opinions of how these adolescents viewed their family functioning.
5.3 COMMON THEMES
5.3.1 Language
English seems to be the most commonly used language among all couples. It was found that used English as the medium of communication in their families and elsewhere. It was also established further that in cases where couples had children old enough to attend school, these children attended multiracial schools where English was used as the medium of instruction. It was found that four families communicated in a language which was not the mother tongue of either of the parents. This factor was believed to have implications for the study, such as the danger of being misunderstood and, therefore, hampering communication patterns, especially where couples were not highly educated.
In the previous chapter it was stated that the most articulate partner was expected to have the advantage of dominating the communication process. This I found to be true, especially where the females were white. The non-verbal behaviour was neither misunderstood nor misinterpreted by any of the couples. Spouses seemed to have learned to understand the non-verbal behaviours of their partners.
5.3.2 Experiences of these couples
The couples reported that there had recently been an increase in the number of mixed couples due to the repeal of the Mixed Marriages Act. All couples said that they felt free to go anywhere in South Africa. Six of the eight couples interviewed were of the opinion that people were now more accepting of interracial couples, while two couples held that there were still people who were not accepting of interracial couples. Five of the eight couples expressed the view that their marriages would not be affected by the current political situation, as they believed that marriage is between 71
two people, and that it is unaffected by the socio-political context. Researcher find this statement to be problematic since she attributed these couples' freedom to the current political changes. On the other hand, three couples thought that their marriages would be positively affected by the current political situation in South Africa. This statement the researcher perceives as enhancing psychological well-being in mixed marriages as the researcher believes that mixed couples have been discriminated against and shunned for generations as shown in the previous chapters.
Researcher believes that couples who saw themselves as not being affected by the current political situation were still holding onto the stereotypes of being discriminated against during the apartheid era, and at the same time finding it difficult to make the psychological shift of accepting the realities of the changing attitudes among South Africans with regard to various issues, of which interracial marriages forms a part.
5.3.3 Socio-political factors
Six couples expressed the view that Government's Reconstruction and Development Programme (R.D.P.) seems not to be successful. For example, six of the eight couples expressed concern about the lack of housing and jobs. These couples felt that it was Government's responsibility to provide houses and jobs, since blacks have been disadvantaged for too long.
On the other hand, two couples expressed concern that people do not seem to understand what the R.D.P. is all about. These couples felt that communities should assist the R.D.P. by embarking on Nation-building Programmes (Masakhane).
5.3.4 Crime and safety
Five of the eight couples expressed concern about the increase in crime, such as car hijackings, shootings, fraud, drug trafficking, etc. One of the five couples thought that the high crime rate was due to the large number of immigrants in this country. Four 77
other couples believed that poverty due to lack of jobs was a high contributing factor to the increasing crime rate in South Africa.
Four couples expressed concern about safety in and outside their homes. Two couples reported that they do not feel safe in their own homes any more. They felt that they had to lock the doors even during the day when they were at home. Other couples reported fear about walking in places where crime had previously taken place. Other couples feared being hijacked in their cars, and because of this, they felt they were compelled to monitor each other through cellular phones to make sure that their partners were safe. The factors mentioned act as psychological stressors to these couples, but they may well be experienced by almost all South Africans.
5.3.5 Economic concerns
The South African economy was also found to be a major concern for these couples. All couples were concerned about the many strikes that seemed to have dominated the news ever since South Africa gained democracy. These couples thought that most labourers seemed to embark on strikes more often than necessary. These couples acknowledged the fact that people had the right to strike, but they felt that workers should protest against working conditions when they are not on duty. Most couples were of the opinion that foreign investors would be reluctant to invest in South Africa because the economic sector seemed to be experiencing difficulties in controlling employees, and this might lead them to more liquidations of companies
On the other hand, the fact that many people were demanding high salary increases was also of major concern for all these couples. It was felt by two couples that the government should take drastic steps to discipline striking workers as the economy could collapse if the government was too lenient with strikers.
Four couples expressed concern about the Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging (AWB) and the Inkatha Freedom Party. These couples thought these two political parties were 73
destabilizing the country, and, as a result, affecting the country's economy in the sense that many productive people were being killed because of the political intolerance that prevails between these parties and the government.
5.3.6 The Government
Six couples maintained that significant progress had been made by the Government of National Unity. They said that the new Government needed to be given a chance, and that people should not be impatient. These couples were optimistic about the Government. Three couples were impressed by the peaceful process of change that has taken place since the elections in 1994. On the other hand, two couples expressed uncertainty about the new Government. These couples were concerned about the corruption and misappropriation of funds that had been reported. They thought that corruption might never be controlled by any government.
Three couples were concerned about the enormous task that the Government faced in the restructuring of education in South Africa. The couples were concerned about whether the government was going to be able to come up with one education policy where there had previously been more than nine different departments of education. One couple suggested that it was necessary for education to be such that people could acquire skills that would enable them to be productive in the near future in order to improve the economy of South Africa.
There were less common themes that the researcher identified. These will be discussed briefly.
5.3.7 Uncommon themes
Two couples felt that women should be taught about their rights and about feminism. These couples felt that if women knew their rights they would feel more confident about themselves and be able to assert themselves more. One woman among the interviewed couples felt that it was her right as a feminist to use her surname and not her husband's surname as she felt she was a person in her own right. 74
Two of the eight couples were retrenched from work after it was discovered by their employers that they were involved in interracial relationships. Two black male interviewees had been harassed by police and physically assaulted by them. Two couples had had to lie about their relationships with people of a different colour as they had been afraid to lose their jobs. The couples, however, lost their jobs despite lying about their relationships. Researcher believes that by lying, these couples might have experienced psychological stress that could have affected their communication patterns as the spouses were in both cases employed by the same companies. One couple mentioned an incident where their friends (a coloured couple) had wanted to adopt a black child. This was a religious couple, but they did not adopt the child as they eventually decided that their families might not be ready to accept a black child. This also indicated the negative attitudes and psychological impacts that other people are still exposed to due to racial prejudice in South Africa.
5.3.8 Conclusion
Given the various views and experiences of the interracial couples interviewed in South Africa, interracial couples see themselves as being like other couples, as most expressed the view that they do not see themselves as different from any other couple. In the next section findings from the SYMLOG exercise will be discussed.
5.4 SYMLOG ANALYSIS
The SYMLOG method was described in Chapter 4. Readers were also introduced to the SYMLOG language and scoring method in the previous chapter. The SYMLOG three-dimensional space was also discussed. See Figure 5.1. 75 D a) C
U) C O
0
0
U) C O
a) Z5 O 0 a) Ua) U) (I) as
O a) d ive r cs) c
iss c nwa w bm O Su
03 c0 Do 0_ co 0_ co D a_ 0 D = D = a> a)g co co D o
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According to Bales and Cohen (1969, cited by Snyders, 1985), the degree to which a
group forms a unified and cohesive whole or splits into polarised subgroups, is the first important index of group functioning. By means of the overly presented in the figures, it becomes possible to determine the sub-systematic structure of a particular group at a given moment. The reference direction of the group represents the desired group goals, while the opposite direction represents a move away from the group goals. This is indicated in Figure 5.2 below.
In order to illustrate the utility of the SYMLOG scoring system, an analysis of the field diagram of each couple will be presented in terms of:
The relative positions of each person in the three dimensional space, and
the polarisation-unification inscriptions, illustrated in Figure 5.2.
The findings of the three raters will be discussed first and thereafter an analysis of the field diagram of each couple will be presented in accordance with the terms mentioned in the previous paragraph.
77
R (R = Reference Direction)
(Line of polarisation) (Reference Circle)
(Centre of the Reference Circle)
(Swing line on the (Residual Area on Reference Side) the Reference Side)
(Swing Area on the Reference Side) S (Line of Balance) O r 1, O r (s = Scapegoat Direction) (M = Mediator Direction) M s
(Swing Area on the Opposite Side) (Residual Area on the Opposite Side) (Swing Line on the Opposite Side)
(Centre of the Opposite Circle)
(Opposite Circle) O (0 = Opposite Direction)
Figure 5.2 SYMLOG Polarisation-unification overlay (Adapted from Bales & Cohen, 1979, p.446) 78
COUPLE A: SOLLY AND SARAH
Visual inspection of Figure 5.3 reveals that both spouses cluster in upper reference circle, in an accentuated UPF, or upward (dominant), positive (friendly), and forward (instrumentally controlled position. Inter-rating ratings reveal that both spouses seem to be in agreement about the positive nature of their relationship and that this couple responded well to each other. The listener did not take long to respond to what his or her spouse was saying. Both spouses were found to be communicating at the same level. This couple exhibited dominant friendly behaviour although Sarah seems to be more friendly than Solly. Instrumentally controlled behaviours were also demonstrated by this couple in their discussion. These instrumentally controlled behaviours included serious problem-solving attempts, for example, what could be done to combat violence and crime, and how the education department should be restructured to suit all South Africans (see Appendix, A).
Both spouses were also found to be more comfortable in expressing their emotions, acting out, and attention shifting, as they would from time to time check on their baby, who was lying on a sofa.
Both spouses are placed in the same reference circle, in an accentuated position UPF. This position is characterised by democratic leadership, mediation, conciliatory and moderating behaviours in order to solve conflicts and to get on with one another. This task-orientated system is mainly characterised by a positive and facilitative psychological climate.
According to the inter-rater findings, both spouses fall within the same subsystem which is the spouse or parental subsystem. This would imply that there are clearly defined boundaries in this family among the different subsystems as propounded by Minuchin (1975). The group was characterised by unification or absence of polarisation and, therefore, the field is labeled a "unified field" (Bales, 1979, p.46). 79
This couple seemed to have formed healthy alliances within a cluster, working together in the interests of task achievement.
COUPLE B: ALI AND EMMY
Inter-rater findings, as shown in Figure 5.4., yielded the following: Both spouses cluster in the same reference circle in an accentuated position UPF, with Ali splitting slightly toward the opposite side, which is the negative side, but this is not significant. This couple exhibited more friendly behaviour and Ali seemed to be more friendly than Emmy. The couple was also found to be more task-orientated (instrumentally controlled or forward). This couple is characterised by democratic leadership, mediating conciliatory and moderating behaviours in order to solve conflicts and to get on with group tasks, free-flowing communication in the group, defence of group boundaries, and demonstration of task-oriented behaviours. This couple formed a cohesive, task-orientated system, characterised by a positive and facilitative psychological climate. The groups were also characterised by unification or absence of polarisation, and the field is labeled a unified field.
Both spouses were found to fall within the same subsystem, namely the spouse or parental subsystem, this indicating clearly defined boundaries in this system. How the adolescent in this family views his family will be discussed later. 80
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/ - ..... U— 1 Tr I I/ I I t 1111Thlt1 I 11 11111111 03 / / / /
_. 81
COUPLE C: JOHN AND ELZA
The inter-rater findings reveal that both John and Elza fall within the residual area on the reference side, but more toward the mediator direction. Elza was found to fall more toward the line of balance. Both John and Elza were found to be dominant, friendly, and positive. Elza seemed to be more friendly than John, while John seemed to be instrumentally controlled. The position exhibited by both spouses is characterised by democratic leadership, conciliatory and moderating behaviours in order to solve conflicts and to get on with group tasks, and free-flowing communication. Defence of group boundaries and task-orientated abilities are also exhibited by this couple. The couple also showed a good group cohesiveness which is characterised by an positive and facilitative psychological climate. These findings are shown in Figure 5.5.
This couple also falls within the parental subsystem which is characterised by clearly defined boundaries.
COUPLE D: ISMAEL AND SONIA
Ismael was placed at a UPF position in a much less positive or friendly position. Sonia was placed in a DPF position. This position is characterised by submission, friendliness, and instrumental control. Sonia's position seems to be a non-committent one, without strong emphasis on any one vector. See Figure 5.6. ••
82
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. 03 E 0 .er C., To c./) r as C N O - Co / C
z 733 0 ccs •
- / Lt.s 0 z a) (-NS z z -0 .o_ 75 co / LL E .:3_ , c X*4‘ ui
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From the information above there seems to be problems with this subsystem. It would appear that these spouses do not fall within the same subsystem. This factor might create problems for this couple as there is a possibility that Sonia might tend to form a coalition with other family members, quite possibly the children, which would result in an enmeshed family system characterised by confused boundaries (or lack of boundaries between the different subsystems), and lack of hierarchy and open communication between different family members. This kind of situation can be problematic as group cohesiveness or task-orientated behaviour is exhibited by this couple and therefore it creates a negative non-facilitative psychological climate. Later in this chapter, these findings will be compared with how the adolescent child views his family.
COUPLE E: JUNIOR AND DAISY
The inter-rater findings reveal that both Junior and Daisy fall within the same reference circle and more toward the positive and friendly side. Daisy was, however, found to be more friendly than Junior. This upward, friendly position is characterised by democratic leadership, mediating, conciliatory and moderating behaviours in order to solve conflicts and to get on with group tasks, free-flowing communication between spouses, defence of couple boundaries, and demonstration of task-orientated behaviours. This couple formed a cohesive, task-orientated system characterised by a healthy, positive and facilitative psychological climate.
The couple was also found to fall within the same subsystem, the spousal or parental subsystem, which is characterised by accommodation, understanding, compromise and clearly defined boundaries. This couple seemed to have formed healthy alliances within a cluster, working together in the interest of task achievement. See Figure 5.7. 84
COUPLE F: BEN AND RIA
The inter-rating findings reveal that both spouses cluster in the reference circle in an
accentuated position UPF, or upward (dominant), positive (friendly), and forward
(instrumentally controlled). This position is characterised by democratic leadership,
mediating, conciliatory and moderating behaviours in order to solve conflicts and to
get on with group tasks, free-flowing communication between spouses, defence of
group boundaries, and demonstration of task-orientated behaviours. This couple
formed a cohesive, task-orientated system, characterised by a positive and facilitative
psychological climate with Ria being rated as being in a more UPF position. The
couple was characterised by unification or an absence of polarisation, and thus the
field is labeled a "unified field" (Baker, 1976, p.46). This couple seemed to have
formed healthy alliances within a cluster, working together in the interests of task
achievement. Both spouses fall within the same subsystem which would mean that the boundaries in this family are clearly defined. See Figure 5.8, 85
, wriam61, cmi ■ U- E.PJAMMI , ■ 4 -...... _ .
O z
f
or k,iii.1 - Irir-- 1„„it, -- So I r — A
Q O 86
COUPLE G: ABDUL AND MARY
Both spouses cluster in the same reference circle. The inter-rater findings revealed that Abdul appeared in an accentuated position UPF, or upward (dominant), position (friendly) and forward (instrumentally controlled), while Mary appeared on the UP (upward friendly) position. Both spouses' positions are characterised by democratic leadership, mediating, conciliatory and moderating behaviour in order to solve conflicts and to get on with group tasks, free-flowing communication in the group, and demonstration of task-orientated behaviours. It would also appear that Mary exhibited DPF behaviour. such as obedience, compliance, positive deferral to task leadership and admission of responsibility for disapproved actions. Abdul exhibited UPF type behaviour such as democratic leadership, taking initiative, moderating in order to smooth out conflicts so as to progress with group tasks, and he also demonstrated task-orientated behaviour. Both spouses fall within the same subsystem, namely the spouse or parental subsystem which seem to be characterised by clearly defined boundaries. See Figure 5.9.
COUPLE H: BEN AND BETTY
The inter-rater findings reveal that both spouses appeared in the PF area in a friendly and instrumentally controlled position. It would appear that the spouses exhibited
DPF type behaviours, like obedience, compliance, positive deferral to task leadership and authority, admission of responsibility for disapproved actions, and minimisation of body movement. Both spouses also displayed UPF type behaviours, such as democratic leadership, taking initiative, moderating in order to smooth out conflicts so as to progress with group tasks, taking a prominent position in space, demonstrating task-orientated behaviours. and persuading each other to work. 87
Both spouses fall within the same subsystem, namely the spouse or parental subsystem which is characterised by a positive and facilitative psychological climate.
The couple was also characterised by a unified front with an absence of polarisation.
This couple seemed to have formed a healthy alliance within a cluster, working together in the interests of task achievement. Later in this chapter the investigator will discuss how the adolescent in this family viewed its family functioning. See Figure
5.10. 88
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LL ' CO r
co Os
O. _ /* 0 / ✓ / /:_ r ■ U- Allikh, CO / / / _- / _ / 0 O O 89
5.5 SUMMARY OF SYMLOG FINDINGS
The SYMLOG findings reveal that almost all the couples interviewed have developed a type of closeness which had made them supportive and understanding of each other. There was, however, one couple which seemed to be experiencing problems. This couple will be discussed later in the chapter.
There is no obvious reason to explain how the interviewed couples developed such closeness, although the possibility appears to exist that the Immorality Act and the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act in South Africa could have influenced the dynamics of these couples (see Chapter 1 and 2). The couples might have been compelled to be close to one another due to the negative attitudes and prejudices that prevailed during the apartheid era and which still prevailed to some extent, despite the Immorality Act and the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act having been repealed. Couples might indirectly have been compelled to become more close due to experiences such as rejection by friends and employers after being found to be involved in interracial relationships, as was the case with John and Elza, and Ben and Ria. Another factor could be that, because of the racial barriers and tensions that have prevailed in South Africa for so long, interracial couples have attempted to prove to other South Africans that, despite their different skin colours, they could still live harmoniously together.
Couple D, however, exhibited the opposite of what was experienced with the seven other couples that were interviewed. Ismael was found to be less friendly, while Sonia was found to be submissive, friendly and instrumentally controlled. During the interview, Sonia was more talkative, and even spoke on behalf of her husband, which was an indication of a systemic problem since Sonia seemed to know exactly how, and what, each member of the family thought and felt, talking on their behalf, and thus saving them throughout the interview. Minuchin's Structural Family Therapy would be the point of departure if this family were to be seen for therapy. In the interview, however, Sonia said: He is more introvert and I am an extrovert. We lead 90
separate lives, but we are happy with it. We don't have any problems, we are a happy
couple". See Appendix D) .
5.6 THE FFAQ SCORES
A high score indicates that an adolescent is experiencing that specific dimension of his or her family as positive, while a low score is an indication of a negative experience of the family in a specific dimension.
In interpreting the adolescent's scores, ipsative or normative interpretation can be used. In this study both the ipsative and the normative interpretations were used.
5.6.1 Ipsative interpretation
Ipsative interpretation makes it possible to identify an individual's strong and weak areas when a person is compared with him of herself, regardless of a norm group. In the case of the FFAQ responses vary -from very dysfunctional to very functional. The comparisons allow individuals to analyze the relative level of healthy functioning in the different dimensions of the family. In this case it is possible to ascertain the relative level of psychological health for each dimension of the family to the adolescent. The normative interpretation was also used.
5.6.2 Normative interpretation
Interpretations using the norm table make it possible to evaluate an individual's score in comparison with the norm of the total population for that specific dimension of family functioning. 91
5.6.3 Test results
Testee 1: Samuel
The raw and standard scores obtained by testee number 1 yielded the following:
Raw Score Standard Score
Structure 21 4 Affect 22 5 Communication 20 5 Behaviour Control 24 7 Value transmission 24 6 External systems 23 6
In the interpretation of the results, it seems that Samuel is experiencing the structure of the family as average. This would mean that the different subsystems in the family are well defined. The parents are seen by Samuel as neither authoritative or laissez
fair.
The Affect score indicates that Samuel rates both the quantity and the expression of
affection in his family as average.
Samuel experiences communication in the family functioning as average. He sometimes lacks positive feedback, and sometimes does not have the opportunity to express negative feelings, and he is sometimes not allowed to participate in the decision-making processes. 92
Behaviour control is considered to be average in Samuel's opinion. Further evaluation reveals that fait. clear limits are set, and that Samuel does receive recognition of growth as a maturing person
Samuel identifies with the value system of his parents, and he is allowed to investigate his own individual philosophy of life.
In addition to being encouraged to participate in school-related activities, Samuel has much interaction with other external systems.
Testee 2: Peter
The raw and standard scores obtained by Peter yielded the following:
Raw Score Standard Score
Structure 28 9 Affect 19 4 Communication 23 6 Behaviour Control 16 2 Value transmission 28 9 External systems 21 5
In the interpretation of the results it seems that Peter is experiencing the structure in the family as clearly defined. The parental system is well-defined. Together as well as individually, parents do not allow much feedback from the child subsystem. They also obtain little information from the supra-system. An analysis of the items reveals that the parental condition is functioning well, and that Peter is sure of his acceptance in the subsystem. 93
The Affect score indicates that Peter rates both the quality and the expression of affection in his family as average, which makes him unsure as to how much affection he is allowed to express himself. Peter experiences communication as average in the family functioning. He sometimes gets positive feedback, and sometimes gets the opportunity to express negative feelings, and he is sometimes allowed to participate in the decision-making processes.
Behaviour control is considered to be very low in Peter's opinion. Further evaluation reveals that there are no fair, clear limits set, and Peter does not receive recognition of growth as a maturing person.
Peter identifies very strongly with the value system of his parents, and is at the same time allowed to investigate his own individual philosophy of life
In addition to being encouraged to participate in school-related activities, Peter interacts with external systems.
Testee 3: Daniel
The raw and standard scores obtained by Daniel yielded the following:
Raw Score Standard Score
Structure 13 1 Affect 22 5 Communication 22 6 Behaviour Control 23 6 Value transmission 20 3 External systems 18 3 94
The interpretation of these results show that Daniel experiences the structure in the family as very poor and or as non-existent.
The Affect score indicates that Daniel rates both the quantity and the expression of affection in his family as average, which would make Daniel unsure as to how much affection he can express himself.
Daniel experiences communication in the family functioning as average. He sometimes gets positive feedback, sometimes he gets the opportunity to express negative feelings, and he can be included in the decision-making processes.
Behaviour control is considered to be average in Daniel's opinion. Further evaluation reveals that fair, clear limits are set, and that Daniel receives recognition of growth as a maturing person.
Daniel does not identify with the value system of his parents, and he is not allowed to investigate his own philosophy of life.
He seems to be to encouraged to participate in school-related activities, and he also does not have much interaction with other external systems.
In conclusion the discussion above, information regarding how the adolescents perceive the psychosocial functioning of their families has been provided. Samuel, for example, does not seem to be experiencing problems with his family. If the family were to go for therapy, the structure of the family could, for example, be the starting point for therapy in order to create a clear subsystem structure in the family which will be more flexible to allow and include the children in discussions and decision- making.
In Peter's case. a good starting point for therapy would be to look at behaviour control. since the results indicated that there was no fair, clear limit-setting in Peter's family. The family could further be helped to express their feelings more often, and to 95
feel comfortable about it. All members in the family need to be helped to understand and accept that it is psychologically healthy to share both positive and negative feelings with other members of the family as this helps each of them to share in both
their pain and joy.
Daniel, on the other hand, seemed to be experiencing his family differently from the other adolescents in many respects. First, he experience his family as having little or no structure at all. This would imply that Daniel's family is enmeshed and, as a result, there might be a problem with regard to roles that ought to be played by different members of the family. These roles might have to be addressed as a starting point in
therapy.
Daniel seemed not to feel comfortable about the values that are transmitted by his parents. This might mean that Daniel rejected some of the aspects that his parents believe in, or that there was little opportunity for Daniel to discuss the development of his own system openly. This is another aspect that would have to be discussed, should this family be seen for therapy.
The results showed that Daniel was not encouraged to participate in school-related activities, and neither did he have much interaction with other external systems. The parents' lack of understanding of Daniel's needs may have been related to their limited contact with external systems. The basic atmosphere of lack of life satisfaction may have been due to the few opportunities to share pleasant activities in the family. This aspect would also have needed to be addressed in therapy in order to promote psychological atmosphere in this family.
5.6.4 Summary of SYMLOG findings compared to FFAQ findings
The discussion under this section refers only to those couples who have adolescent
children living with them. 96
Couple B: Ali and Emmy
Both spouses were found to cluster in the same reference circle in an accentuated position UPF. They were found to fall within the same subsystem, namely the spouse or parental subsystem, with clearly defined boundaries in the system. Samuel, the adolescent in the family, experienced the structure in the family as average. According to Samuel, the parental subsystem functions well. Expression of affection is seen by Samuel as average in his family. Communication is experienced as average, and he sometimes lacks feedback. Further evaluation reveals that fair, clear limits are set by Samuel's parents, and that he receives recognition of growth as a maturing person. Samuel identifies positively with the value system of his parents. Finally, in addition to being encouraged to participate in school-related activities, Samuel has enough interaction with other external systems. A global overview of this family reveals that the family functions well, and that the family would be able to progress well in therapy should they need to see a psychotherapist.
Couple D: Ismael and Sonia
Ismael was found to be less friendly, while Sonia was found to be submissive, friendly and instrumentally controlled. She was also found to be in a non-committal position. Peter, the adolescent child in the family, experienced the structure in his family as clearly defined with both parents not allowing feedback to the children's subsystem. This, I believe, to be indicative of a disengaged family system where members of the family do not communicate with one another, and each member tends to be more self-involved. Communication was experienced as average, which made Peter unsure as to how much affection he was allowed to express. Peter considered behaviour control to be very low in his family, and further evaluation revealed that there were no fair. clear, limits set, and that Peter did not receive recognition for his growth as a maturing person. This factor could lead to Peter not developing his individuality. and to poor psychological growth since his parents do not seem to realise that he needs to learn to be independent. This could be an issue that might have to be addressed in therapy. 97
Couple F: Ben and Betty
The inter-rater findings revealed that both spouses were friendly and in an instrumentally controlled position. The spouses exhibited behaviours such as obedience, compliance, positive deferral to task leadership and authority, and admission of responsibility for disapproved actions. Both spouses also displayed UPF type behaviours, such as democratic leadership, taking initiative, moderating in order to smooth out conflicts so as to progress with group tasks, and persuading each other to work.
Daniel as the adolescent in this family experienced the family structure as very poor. This could mean that he might be rebelling to the degree that was exhibited by the inter-rater findings. He might also be experiencing problems with authority and structure as he is at an age where he would like to have his own way. Daniel viewed the expression of affection in his family as average which would make him unsure as to how much_affection he himself could express. Behaviour control was considered to be average in Daniel's opinion. Further evaluation reveals that fair, clear limits are set and Daniel receives recognition of growth as a maturing person. Daniel, however, did not identify with the value system of his parents and he was not allowed to investigate his own philosophy of life. This would mean that, in a family therapy session, this issue would have to be addressed in order to help both Daniel and his parents to understand how they could help each other better to understand the issues about which they seem not to agree.
5.7 SUMMARY OF FINDINGS
English seemed to be the most commonly used language among all couples. It was also established that in cases where couples had children old enough to attend school, those children attended multiracial schools where English was used as the medium of 98
instruction. The most articulate parter was found, in most cases, to dominate the communication process, especially where the females were white.
All couples said that they felt free to go anywhere in South Africa since the repeal of the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act and since South Africa now had a democratic government.
The socio-political factors were perceived by the interviewed couples as improving, even though some expressed concern that some South Africans do not understand what the R.D.P was all about, and that such people expected the Government to do everything for them without them taking any initiative. Couples were also concerned about the many strikes that seemed to have dominated the news since April 1994.
Even after the repeal of the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act, two of the eight couples which were interviewed had been retrenched after it was discovered by their employers that they were involved in interracial relationships. Two of the three adolescents in interracial families who were interviewed, experienced structure in their families as average. These adolescents identified with their parents' value systems and were allowed to investigate their own individual life philosophy. Fair, clear limits were set in their families, and both adolescents were found to have enough interaction with other external systems.
One adolescent (Daniel), however, experienced the structure in his family as very poor. This adolescent was found not to identify with the parental value system, and was not allowed to investigate his own philosophy of life. Daniel was also not encouraged to participate in school-related activities, and he also had less interaction with other external systems.
Seven of the eight interviewed couples were found to have developed high levels of closeness and understanding, while one couple appeared to experience problems.
In the next chapter a summary of this study will be given. Conclusions and recommendations will also be made. 99
CHAPTER 6
SUMMARY, CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS
6.1. INTRODUCTION
The main purpose of this study was to investigate patterns of family interaction in South African interracial marriages. Interracial couples seem to be on the increase in South Africa, especially since the repeal of the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act and Section 16 of the Immorality Act in June 1985. The study was also aimed at investigating the possible effects of South Africa's socio-political history on interracial marriages, and whether there were any unusual interactional features in the families resulting from mixed marriages. The study was further aimed at investigating whether there were common patterns of interaction that exist among mixed couples.
6.2 INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE IN THE PAST AND PRESENT IN THE SOUTH AFRICAN CONTEXT
In this study the researcher tried to give a general perspective of the history of interracial marriages in South Africa before the repeal of the Prohibition of the Mixed Marriages Act and Section 16 of the Immorality Act in June 1985. It has been observed that in South Africa sexual contact between whites and people from other so-called racial groups was prohibited, and that this was enshrined in law. According to South African law, interracial marriages were regarded as offensive to the moral principle of its courts (Henriques, 1974; Mdaweni, 1991). Whites in general, were opposed to interracial marriages because they wished to preserve the purity of their race. The Prohibition of the Mixed Marriages Act and Section 16 of the Immorality Act were finally repealed in 1985, and were replaced by Act 72 of 1985, the commencement date being 19 June 1985. Since then interracial marriages in South Africa have increased as revealed by Central Statistic Service, figures for 1990, when 3 212 interracial marriages were recorded. The number of interracial marriages is likely to increase given the current socio-political climate in South Africa, as different racial groups have begun to accept one another in a democratic society. 100
Elders (1969) pointed out to factors that have contributed to marital selection, namely: love, social status, economic status, and physical attractiveness. These factors were found to have contributed in various ways to the mixed couples who were interviewed having chosen each other. However, love was found to have been the major factor that brought the couples together. Kalmijn (1993) claimed that white women who marry black men tend to marry into a higher status group more than when they marry white men. This was found not to be the case in five out of eight couples who were interviewed by the investigator. Couples tended to vary in economic status - in some cases black male partners were ordinary labourers and their white female spouses were happy to be married to them as they felt love was an important motivation for marriage.
6.3 COMMUNICATION
The following factors were observed by the investigator:
couples were aware of how different cultural backgrounds affect relationships;
couples were able to meet one another half-way as far as language was concerned;
communication between spouses was enhanced as partners seemed to have developed their own methods of communicating;
non-verbal actions were not often misinterpreted and,
couples seemed to understand each other well throughout the interviews.
6.4 TYPES OF INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES
Seven out of eight couples interviewed by the investigator seemed to have ideal intercultural marriages. 101
As pointed out earlier in Chapter 3, in a consensus model neither partner sacrifices aspects which are essential to his or her well-being. Both are whole people and whole partners (see p28). However, we cannot generalise these findings since the study is exploratory. One couple that was interviewed exhibited the fact that interracial marriages are like any other marriage in which couples experience problems and difficulties.
6.5 RECOMMENDATIONS
As little research has been done on interracial marriages in South Africa, there seems to be a great need for more in-depth studies to be conducted.
It is recommended that since there are no longer legal barriers between racial groups, it is important for children of interracial couples to be taught the languages and cultures of both their parents. This is not only important for children of mixed couples, but for all South African citizens as it is crucial at this point in our history to know and understand different cultures since we are living in a 'rainbow society' with eleven official languages. The greatest access to the understanding of another culture is through being able to speak it's language, and speak it well.
It is imperative that society changes its view of interracial couples as society should consist of well-adjusted individuals who are psychologically free of categorising human beings as being "normal" or "abnormal", especially when the "abnormal" people are regarded as interracial couples.
6.6. CONCLUSION
The study is limited becauseas it is exploratory. No generalisations can be made. Some of the results of study were unexpected. A more in-depth future study with a larger sample needs to be done.
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APPENDIX
COUPLE A
Solly is a 34 year old man and stays in Mayfair. He is Indian and his wife Sarah is a 37 year old lady who is white. This couple has two children, a boy aged two and a girl aged three months.
Researcher: OK, the first question I would like you to discuss, is: What do you think about the political situation in South Africa now?
Husband: Mm mm .... the political situation in South Africa now? (Looks at his wife) Wife: Mm ....mm I don't know, I think that question would have been very easy to answer a few years ago. What do I think? Lets see ... eh .... well, maybe I should start looking at issues that relate to education. I think if you look at what is happening in the country, you will notice that the Government has quite a big task lying ahead. After the elections, this subject has occupied me more than it used to before. Husband: It is an enormous task that is facing the Government. So, I feel education is the first thing that the Government should address because it is important. Wife: Ja ... eh .... I mean if you look at the situation in South Africa now, it is difficult to understand that we had different departments of education, and to integrate these departments, and to have them full-functioning is not going to be an easy thing to do. Of course, it will mean drastic changes for some departments of education - for example. black education. I feel this is going to be something that is going to be really challenging to the Government. Husband: I feel we are in a situation where we are not sure what's coming up next as we are not even sure how everything_ is going to be restructured, and also 115
generally we are looking at the economy being renewed. There is a mood of optimism, and that's what we need. Wife: Ja, of course, because the people really need to hold on to see hope that their standard of living will be uplifted and that conditions will be improved for most people who were deprived for a long time. I think we would not like to see a situation where there will be a back-lash as I think this will completely destroy all the people who have hope in this new Government. This will interrupt the peaceful process that we watched, especially last year when we became a democratic country for the first time. Husband: You know, I think most people do see how committed this Government is. It is still young, but it seems to be promising. I am, however, concerned about the high crime rate that we are experiencing. I feel what we need is control. Wife: Ja...a...ja.... I think you are right. What we need is control. We need to be accepting of the law and also try to ... not to hinder their process. I think crime as it is now... you know.... you know .... could change the situation. Ja ja because it is still frightening what we still hear, and see. We hear about lawlessness. We still hear about a high rate of crime, and we still hear more often about people being attacked, and we are just hoping that we can reach a stage where such things could stop so that we don't have to hear about this anymore. I mean, my husband knows law about violence. I mean, you sometimes get scared when you hear that there has been shootings in town. You walk around sometimes, around these areas with a lot of fear. I mean, I know about people that I have personally met, whose cars have been hi-jacked • and I must say I am very worried about being hi-jacked. Ja, maybe being hi- jacked, because I don't think I am still worried about my house being broken into because I mean, people are now going for serious syndicates of which car hi-jacking is one way. That doesn't mean I don't take precautions. I am, as you can see. (to the researcher): I have burglar bars on all the windows and doors. I also lock my gates and doors. even when I am home, because I am scared (they look at each other and laugh). 116
Husband: But I think this should be a major concern (laughs). I know how you can exaggerate a thing at times. You always insist on checking doors a few times even during the day. What do you think people can still in this house? I mean there is nothing that is worth stealing.
Wife: It is not only the furniture, I am worried about You know, these people are so cruel that they can kill you for no apparent reason, and tell me what will happen to the children?... should they kill both of us. You know, at times I just think of not going to work.
Husband: Ja, you know at times we are forced to stay home and work from here, especially when Sarah see crime as in shootings having occurred near our workplace. This might sound funny, but I mean, considering how we were treated a few years ago in this country. The first thing that comes to mind is, maybe these white conservatives are now out to get rid of us. This might sound paranoia, but I think this is how we felt, especially during that period when the AWB was bombing buildings and the airport. But this has now
changed. Wife: I don't think it has completely changed yet. Husband: Ja, but I feel at the same time more people are accepting of us than they used to in the past. Wife: Ja, we feel we were victims of the system. Husband: Yes, correct. Wife: Ja, the system. Husband: I think we should be realistic, I mean, it has only been a year since last April when we voted and things will gradually change, though we still have parties like the IFP that makes you wonder mm ....mm I think to some extent they are making it difficult for the Government to be as effective as it should
be. Wife: The government has just happened. and I mean we have to think of that, but people tend to have high expectations. you know. I mean the same thing happened in Zimbabwe after the elections. There were a lot of strikes, a lot of unrests. and it is exactly what is happening here. There are a lot of things
117
happening here now, drug trafficking, fraud, you name it, and it means we never anticipated that these would escalate at such a high rate. This has to change. Husband: It will take a while though if something could be done though. Wife: Maybe technicons should be established where people can be equipped with skills despite their level of education. If they could be trained in fields of their interest such as brick laying, shoe repairs, that would definitely lead to less people being unemployed. We need such institutions.
Wife: Ja, we really need such institutions, even though this still leaves a lot of pupils unsure of what they actually want to do. especially blacks from disadvantaged areas who are never exposed to institutions such as technicons and technical high schools. But the issue is the Government needs to transform the country - but how can that happen when students are still boycotting lectures?
Husband: That is something that I feel will fade away once students begin to be realistic and objective about what they expect from the Government.
Wife: I think in all, I can say the progress that has been made so far is really promising, and it will take time before all its goals are realised. What do you think? (to husband) Husband: I think that there has been positive things happening since last year, and this should give us hope. All we have to do is to be patient with the Government. Anyway, I think we see more couples like us these days. Wife: Ja, sure, I notice other couples, but I am not sure if other people notice me. I am not even aware if they are watching me or not, but maybe they also watch me as I also notice other couples. Husband: Laughs. Wife: I guess sometimes I just switch off so that I am not aware if people are noticing me. I mean, in the past I used to be conscious of everything. There are things I could not do and there are places I could not go to. It was really a problem in that people sort of indirectly dictated to you what you can and cannot do. but if you compare this to what other people are still experiencing at the moment. you might say it was not a major problem that we were 118
experiencing in the past years. I mean, you still find thousands of people still without jobs, some without proper homes. This is what I see - a major problem that is still existing especially here in Johannesburg. Husband: You are right. I mean, this is still going to take time and the people have to wait and hope that within five years things will be better. Wife: Ja, I guess, eh .... with us maybe things are a bit different. The kind of work we are involved in, I mean lets look at our relationship and politics. eh mean, we are also interested to know who's going into politics? Who's holding what position? What does their political history look like? Bla...bla....bla.... Husband: I think because we do that, people might also be asking questions about people like us. I guess it would also be interesting for them to know more about these kind of relationships (both laugh). LONG PAUSE
Researcher: OK, How is this situation likely to affect your marriage?
Wife: Ja....mm....but, ja I think before I would have had a different view. But now I don't think our relationship can be affected. I mean, it did not affect our relationship then, and I don't think it will affect it now no. Husband: Maybe if I was staying outside Johannesburg I would say something different (they look at each other and laugh). But because I've seen worst things happen before. I think whatever happens now, is not going to affect our relationship. I mean, the IFP marches through Johannesburg (both laugh), we never got killed, and it is not about us, they are marching about .... Wife: I mean, we are not on their agenda now (both laugh) I guess we can feel safe now (both laugh). Husband: It is not that bad anymore, and more people are accepting of us. Wife: Ja....ja.... we tend to survive from day to day, eh ... take the situation as it comes. But sometimes it becomes difficult, especially when you read about all this terrible things happening in the country. for example. sexual and physical 119
abuse, drug trafficking, and so on .... you don't know what to expect and when to expect it. Husband: (Laughs) I think it is not that bad because at least this kind of situation makes it possible for us to be together most of the time when we are not working. Wife: (Laughs) ja I mean, I don't have to see to everything in the house on my own. When I wash the dishes, he can at least help me with the cleaning of the house, and you have even started to enjoy it (both laugh). Husband: I think, also with what the Government has now started (women's day). Things are going to be even much better in the homes if we practice what we are introduced into. Honestly, I feel women have been undermined for too long, and they need to be treated with more respect. The various programmes that are shown on TV about women's issues, I feel, will enhance and uplift the standard of women's rights. The idea of feminism, according to me. is ideal especially when you look at those cultures where women are suppose to be submissive to their husbands. Wife: Ja .... maybe we should complement the SABC and the Government for that. Khasabuvu is the example that I feel women should follow (both laugh) Husband: Maybe (laughs) I must also be complemented here, because I married you despite the fact that I am Muslim (both laugh). Wife: Ja...ja... (laughs)... I think this would be a better place if we all did what we felt was right and stop putting people into categories. But I guess this new Government is in a way slow but surely preparing us along those lines. Husband: Hm ....mm...mm.... Wife: Mm....mm (nodding her head) LONG PAUSE Wife: I guess that's it. Researcher: OK, thank you. 120
COUPLE B
ALI AND EMMY
Researcher: First of all, I would like to know when you got married, where and how it happened? Husband: Where I got married? I got married in Swaziland. Researcher: In what year? Husband: 1980. Wife: The Mixed Marriages Act was still in force in South Africa? Husband: No, the Act was scrapped in 1980. Researcher: I am going to ask you questions which I would like you to discuss. Husband: O.K., ask your questions. Researcher: The first question is: What do you think about the political situation in South Africa, now? Husband: The political situation in South Africa, at present? I will talk to my wife about it. She is not a politician and neither am I a politician. Researcher: I know, but I would like to hear what your views are. Husband: Ah .... we exist as a normal couple who is living here in South Africa. I was born in South Africa - things have really changed tremendously also, but the only thing is that ah .... the crime rate in this country still has not subside. It has been on the increase and we are still having strikes - strikes put from various unions which is not bringing any good to this country at all. As a matter of fact, economically it is actually putting this country back again - whereas we should be living in a place where we can have foreign investments for our RDP to progress and we require a lot of foreign investments in this country. We want to create jobs for our people and a .... we should actually b more realistic and ... ah.... we should look at it not from one point, but from the whole country's point of view. We have been losing billions of rands in the form of strikes which is not materialising, but yet, nevertheless, there are very legitimate reasons why strikes are taking place and this is to be ironed out in a very formidable way where there is communication between the various parties that are involved, and the involvement is the most important thing in that they should come to a solution. That is how we can resolve our problems - by taking some drastic steps to force somebody to do something, its not going to work, it will never work. It has never worked in England - it has never worked in America. We are just this is now a new child that has been born in South Africa, and ah .... we will have our problems. but our problems will b solved - but it will take years before it will be solved. Researcher: (To wife): What do you think? Husband: This is what my wife feels - also the same thing. because we usually discuss this - that in my practice alone I can see it that it has always been like this. There isn't enough money that is generating in this country to put it up - to 121
put it where we can be classified not as a Third World Country, you know, but a little bit further. Researcher: I wish you could say something (to wife). Wife: It is very nice. Researcher: Politically here in Warmbaths? Wife: Well, Warmbaths, it is a very nice place. There wasn't crime like what we are having today. It has changed. We were free, but now today, we're not free like Husband: (Interrupts) what we used to be. Now you have to lock your doors. Before we never used to lock our doors. It's a fact. This is a fact. Today you have to be so careful, that you have to put a lock and chain. Wife: Look, we are 15 years in Warmbaths and I means this is the first year we get incidents like Researcher: How does it affect you? Wife: You feel, I mean, you're not safe, because you have to lock your doors. Even your kids, they can't play in the streets. You have to be after them every minute to find out where they are. So, it's not safe at all. Researcher: The second question: How do you think this situation is likely to affect your marriage? Husband: Well, it can't affect my marriage at all, for as a matter of fact, I'm living with my wife, and my marriage is being stable and it will not affect my marriage, because the political situation whatever there is here, whatever is taking place, like I said before, that it is - I'm just an individual, I'm just one family, but how is it going to affect every couple in the whole of South Africa - that is the most important thing. I'm just - only one family, but if you take it into account -all the others, than you have to do a census and you have to get - you have to have your premium - perform your every couple that are living here in South Africa, not from one individual - it's not going to affect my marriage with her - it's just plain and simple - and that is in a nutshell. Researcher: In a nutshell? Husband: Yes, that is in a nutshell.
LONG PAUSE. Researcher: Thank you. Husband: Thank you Tebogo.
122
COUPLE C
"BOTLOKWA"
John is a 50 year old black male. His wife Elza is 52 years old and they got married in 1984 (customary marriage). Elza have three married children, and they all live in Johannesburg and Pretoria. Elza's first husband was a South African and died in 1977. John has one child from his previous marriage, a 15 year old girl who stays with John's parents. John and Elza stay in Bolokwa, a village that is situated about 65 km. north of Pietersburg. John's daughter was not around when this couple was interviewed as a result the investigator could not get her to complete the FFAQ questionnaire. Elza is originally from Holland, but her parents immigrated to South Africa when Elza was about 17 years old. She has been staying in South Africa ever since.
Wife: My name is Elza Aletta Scholtz originally from Holland. Husband: My name is John Matome Modiba. Researcher: The first question I would like you to discuss is: What do you think of the political situation in South Africa now? Wife: Oh! the political situation in South Africa now? -I think they are making good progress. That's the way I see it, because before we did not have a life together: people used to look at us as if we are out of space and they were also very nasty. but I think there is a lot of progress from many people. Researcher: Talk John! what do you think? Bolela John. (bolela means talk, and it is a Nothern Sotho word). Husband: I think things are better with my wife now. 123
Wife: Say more John, you can talk about the past if you want. You can also talk about that day when they threw you in jail for four hours. Comparing it with what it is now, and how it was then. Tell Tebogo what happened (laughing). Husband: Tell her (laughing). Wife: We were staying with my mother in Pretoria then. We came from a movie. My mother and I were sitting in front. I was driving and my mother was sitting with me in front as she is diabetic, and John was sitting in the back. Two whites came past us, driving very fast and stopped in front of us after overtaking. I past them and continued to drive. They came after us and started driving side-by-side with us. Then they went past us, very fast. After a while we were stopped by police. Husband: They asked my wife: "Why were you driving that fast?" I told them that my wife never drove very fast. One policeman asked me: "Did you say your wife?" I said: "Yes, my wife." They then told us to come with them to the police station. Wife: You know Tebogo, they kept him in a cell for four hours, and they would not even tell us why they were keeping him there. They just did not want him to explain anything to us. After four hours they decided to release him because they could not lay a charge. We then left and dropped my mother at her place. We could not sleep there that night as we suspected that police were going to follow us. We were staying with my mother at that time, as we did not have a place of our own. But now we can stay anywhere. It is a democratic South Africa (laughs). It is a new Government, so anybody can feel free, though it is still difficult. Husband: Yes, it is much better now, because here I am in Botlokwa with my wife. We are happy together, and even the people in our village bring their children to my wife's cheche. Wife: You know. things are much better. It is not like before. but I think people are impatient. Things are changing - the Government is trying. but people want things to change in one day. You cannot change everything in one day. It will 124
take time and we must be patient. You cannot expect to change things. You can't change everything in one year or two years, or even three years.
Wife: John what do you think about the Government? As for you, what do you think? For example, you were used to working for R20.00 per square metre when you fitted tiles, but here in Pietersburg you only work for R12.00 per square metre. Is it good?
Husband: Yes, in Pietersburg it is not easy to find a job, so you just take on any job you can find. It is difficult. because I was used to getting more money per square metre in Johannesburg. So it is difficult. And some people think that because I am married to a white woman, I must be rich. So I cannot ask for money or
anything from the neighbours.
Wife: Yes, but you know sometimes I prepare sweet potatoes or pap and vleis for him to take to work for lunch, and he says his colleagues sometimes laugh when they see the kind of provision he takes to work. Like this morning, I saw a white guy, one of the farmers around here, selling sweet potatoes. When he saw me, he looked at me like I was something from the moon. You could see by the way he was looking at me that he was angry, maybe he was asking himself what I was doing here - a white woman in Botlokwa. I tried to be friendly with him. I greeted him, but he just drove off. He must be one of the AWB members. I was thinking that, if we were in Johannesburg, it will be different. John, what else can you tell, what do you think about the
government? Husband: Well, I think they are trying. Things are better now. When I was still working in Johannesburg it was difficult. I was working with many whites and I could not even tell them that Elza was my wife, because I paid .magadi' for her ('magadi' is a Northern Sotho name, and it means 'lobola'). So I kept my marriage a secret as I was afraid I might lose my job. I married Elza in 1984 (customary marriage), and we pretended to be friends. Now it is different, I am free with my wife. Wife: You know, when I came here (Botlokwa), I was a bit scared. Coming from overseas where there was no "apartheid". I thought I would adjust easily to 125
any situation. But coming to Botlokwa was a scary experience - being the only white in a village that is occupied by black people only. I think even you (the researcher), if you can go overseas and stay among whites only, you can adapt quickly. I am still struggling a bit as you ( the researcher), know it is not easy for one to adapt. You know, most of the time I don't think about us (herself and her husband), I usually think about people around us, some are good and kind to us, some don't like us. Husband: Yes, some don't even speak to me anymore. Wife: Anyway, what can you say? I mean we also hear that there is corruption also in this Government, and we also hear of some even taking the money for their own use. John, what do you say? Husband: I think we are always going of have that kind of situation. It is not going to be easy for us to stop it. I think there are both good and bad things about this Government. In fact, about all governments around the world. I think at the moment we should try and look at the good things. Wife: Yes, you know, that is what we must think about. You know in the post we could not be as free as we are now. We have a new government, and everybody is free, and we can do what we want and you can stay where you want. Husband: We've got the right.... Wife: Yes, we've got the right. That's what we expect from this Government - to make things better for all of us. Yes, that's all.
PAUSE
Researcher: OK. the second question is: How do you think it is likely to affect your marriage?
Wife: You mean the Government? Researcher: I mean the political situation. Wife: Oh! for the better. and you? (to husband) 126
How do you think the political situation in South Africa is going to affect you, our marriage? We have been talking about it (she laughs). Tell her (the researcher) Husband: I think it is good. Our marriage is going to be even much better because we are free and more people are beginning to like us. Wife: I mean, if you have money, you can go where you want; you can buy what you want; you can visit anybody when you want; you don't have to be ashamed or hiding: you can move around as you like; you can work anywhere you want; you can go to town. You know, I don't know how to explain it, you know, it is not like before. because people were criticising us and some did not even have respect for us. I think some of them are still the same, but many people are beginning to change. I find they are more acceptable. Here in Botlokwa they have accepted me. They greet me; they are nice to me, and now that I have opened a chreche, many people bring their children to my chreche, and they are happy because I teach their children in English and sometimes I speak to them in Tlokwa (a Northern Sotho dialect that is spoken in Botlokwa). I don't think we have a better culture than blacks. The problem is people were taught to believe that the white culture is better than any other culture, and I think that is wrong. That is why I am learning the Tlokwa culture so that I can understand the Botlokwa's more and respect them. The Bible never taught people to think or feel that some cultures are better, so it is some white Afrikaners that started spreading that attitude, and brought up their children like that. Husband: I feel proud about my wife, because I am a Tlokwa, and my wife is helping my people. But people do not understand here in the village that I need to be with my wife most of the time. Some are not speaking to me anymore, because they say I think I am better: "Why did I marry a white woman?" They expect me to leave my wife at about 3 o'clock in the morning to go and dig a grave if there is a funeral later that morning. When I explain to them that I cannot leave my wife behind, they say maybe that is what I must do for the rest of my life and when I die my wife will come and dig a grave for me. 127
Since then, most of them don't come to my house anymore - they don't even talk to me either. Wife: But some of them talk to you. Husband: Yes, and the most important thing is that I am happy with my wife. Wife: Tell me, this thing of going to dig the grave, it is not tradition, or is it?
PAUSE
Husband: No! it is not tradition. It is just what men in the village do when there is a funeral. Wife: But I think we must not lose hope, because remember, we have a new Government and things are going to change. There will be equipment used to dig graves in the near future, just as it is done in towns and urban townships, because the Government is aiming at uplifting the communities. Remember, the community has been like this, dragged to the ground for years and years - that is why we have to vote during the coming November elections. Look now how good we are doing with this school, it is changing, but it is not going to happen in one day. Look these children for example, they can rather watch all movies on TV or listen to stories on the radio, but they are not interested to watch the news. So most of the time they don't know what's going on around them. They are not well informed, and it is our responsibility to make them aware that it is important for them to watch the news. Look how well this school is doing ... why do you think I have more children in my school. It is because people are willing to change, and they also would like to see their children achieving what they as parents never got the opportunity of achieving. It is also not true that people don't want to learn other cultures. I teach these children etiquette, and their parents are happy about it. They come to me and talk to me about it. Some of them don't speak English well, but they try and we understand each other. Information is corning through to the people. (Long pause)... but I think it is not going to be the Government that does everything for us. It is me and you that must work hard. I mean. don't see 128
the colour of the government as being the most important thing that is going to bring about change (laughs). both blacks and whites must be realistic and work hard on this one. Husband: Yes, (pauses and looks at wife) even now there is still apartheid. People are still holding on to the past. Wife: Yes, you are right, even here there is still apartheid. People think because I am white, I have a lot of money, and John married me for my money. I mean, look at our house, it is an ordinary three rooms. Ok, we have water, but we do not have electricity. I mean, if I had the money, I would be staying in a big house - maybe in Pietersburg where the place is more developed. You know, professional people, I mean educated people, have got an attitude toward the other people that is one thing that makes it difficult (laughs). Husband: Yes, I don't know when our people are going to start respecting one another. I respect my wife not because she is white (she laughs), but because she is a person, I respect people from my village because they are people, but some people don't respect me because I married a white woman (a long pause). I think people need to change. Wife: Ja! (laughs). People need to change. John tell her what happened to you in Jo'burg. The police bit you (husband) because he was opening the door for me Husband: Ja! (pause).These men saw me opening the car door for her and they were watching. They came to me and said: "Why are you opening the door for her?" I said: "Well, this is my wife, and I am opening the door for her." They looked at me and they were very angry. One started pulling me from behind and they started kicking me and beating me. (She laughs) and said: You know, I still cannot believe that it happened." Husband: I could not understand what was going on because I did not expect them to beat me up. (He laughs and look at her. They both laugh). You know, I still remember your face, you were surprised and did not say anything. Wife: You know. so many things happened to us. One time we had to sleep under a table in the kitchen in Alexandra because the police were after us. We used to 129
sleep in Atteridgeville at a friend in a ZoZo or in Mabopane in a back room at our black friend. Husband: It is a pity (long pause). You know. we had to lie all the time. At work I did not say anything about me and Elza Wife: (Interrupts) Yes, Tebogo, I also did not tell my employers that I was married to John, because I could not risk losing my job. I mean, sometimes you get tired of lying, and that is when you give yourself away. It was then discovered that I was staying with John at my mother's flat in Pretoria. Both John and I were retrenched that month without any explanation, but anyway, who cares? We are still together, even today. Husband: Tebogo, there is so much that we can tell you about, but we don't have all the time. I think this is enough. Wife: Ha, that is enough (laughs). Researcher: Thank you for your time and discussion. 130
COUPLE D
Sonia is a Cape-coloured woman who is married to a half-Indian coloured man, Ismael, who stays in Johannesburg. Sonia was brought up under a Muslim religion as a coloured, and Ismael was brought up under an Indian culture. the couple has four children (boys), three of whom are already working. Their youngest son is 15 years old and stays with them. Their son filled in the FFAQ for us.
The couple got married in 1965 under the Muslim religion. Ismael had to leave his own religion which was Christianity, and became a Muslim (his wife's religion). In 1967 the couple was married in court, and their eldest son was two years already. They then moved to Johannesburg.
Researcher: The first question I would like you to discuss is: What do you think about the political situation in South Africa now?
Wife: Well, I think, very well, I think... no maybe ....
Husband: (Interrupts)... I think there is a lot of nonsense in this country. I mean, there are still a lot of wrong things happening, there are still many people without jobs
Wife: (Interrupts) ... I think people must give Government the chance, and because things can't come right overnight, you see, so we must give it a couple of years, perhaps things will come right. They'll come right, they can't come right overnight, overnight. Troubles might start, I mean things have been wrong for so many years, and if it will take time for things to come right again.
LONG PAUSE
Husband: Ja...
Researcher: (To husband) Maybe you could say more...
Wife: (Laughs). (To husband) Well, what would you like to see in the country, what would you like to see?
Husband: Well eh houses.
Wife: I would like to see more jobs open up for the people. I would like to see more jobs open for the people.
Husband: Ja ja
Wife: I would like to see being paid for what you've learned for .... 131
Husband: For what you learn for, ja Wife: Ja, people must be paid for what you learn. equal pay for equal education, and more houses for people. we haven't got houses.
Researcher: (To husband) I wish you could say more.
(BOTH LAUGH) Husband and wife Wife: He usually does not talk. I'm the one that usually talks.
LONG PAUSE.
Researcher: The second question: How do you think it is likely to affect your marriage? This present situation? Wife: This situation? No, I don't think so. (To husband) Do you think it will affect our marriage?
PAUSE Wife: (To researcher) No, I don't think it will affect our marriage.
Researcher: No, I don't mean affecting in a negative way, for example, earlier you talked about not being accepted by the one side of the family. Wife: Oh well, when his mother died, his stepfather moved away, and it was
Husband: Ja, well it was not good. I did not feel OK, but here I am today. My stepfather lives not very far from us. I visit him sometimes, but we don't see each other as often. I mean, he rejected me when I married my wife, just because she is Muslim. I had to change into the Muslim religion. I'm comfortable with that. After my mother died, I don't know how I felt, but I know that I miss her more so. I don't have a very good relationship with my stepfather.
PAUSE
Wife: Ja, my father, I would say my mother's father accepted him long ago and well, his mother, when she passed away, she gave me she accepted me before she died. So, ja ... he hasn't really got family, no family at all. I still have my mother, and my brother. He hasn't got nobody - nobody. He's only got me and the children.
LONG PAUSE
Researcher: Maybe you can tell me more or maybe you (to husband) can tell us more. Maybe you can tell us how it is for you. 132
Wife: Ja I have told you
Husband: Mn... mn ... my life has been heavy. Life has been difficult except for my few friends and people I work with. Otherwise I am usually home. These are the only people I have. If I'm not working, I'm usually home.
Wife: Do you feel people accept you? Do you feel like a Muslim? Do you feel like an out-cast, and have you accepted this as part of your life, part of your religion?
Husband: Yes, that's all, that is part of my life.
LONG PAUSE
Wife: You don't feel outcasted, I mean, if you go to people in their homes, when people meet you and understand that you were a Christian, but now you are Muslim, you ... don't feel ....like an outcast? Or what?
Husband: No... it's in me now, no.
Wife: Ja it's also too long a time now - about 15 years, so it's a long time.
PAUSE
It's not really eh ... to tell you the real truth, I also don't care you know, if I must go to people and these people are now like conservative, or like they are shocked, you see. To me it doesn't really matter. I just feel OK, it's my life, and I know what I went into, and it suits me. (To husband) You also feel that way, you also eh .... You also just tell the lady how you feel.
Husband: Mm I don't know what to say (laughs). Yes, ... just like she said. That's it.
PAUSE
Wife: We don't eh .... we don't go out socially a lot, you know, and if we do go out socially, he doesn't mix with people. I'm the one who goes out. I will go to a wedding. I will go to funerals, but he will stay at home, and if we travel, I'm the one who goes to Cape Town, but he will stay at home. He is not one who will visit people or go out with people, he will always stay at home. That's how our life is. The one is extrovert and the other one is introvert.
Researcher: That should be interesting.
Wife: (Laughs) ja I'm the one who goes out. talks to people, like to make friends with people. but he is definitely the opposite of what I am. He likes watching TV, and I usually go to bed early. I usually go to bed at 8 o'clock. When he comes to bed. I am already asleep. But its OK.
Researcher: It's OK. as long as both are comfortable with that. 133
Wife: Yes, you know, even when I used to dance, he would go with me and watch me dancing (both laugh). And going to bioscope, I would go with him to the bioscope, although I don't like bioscope, but I would go with him. On Sundays he would go to the games, and he would say: "Come let's go to the games" but I would not go. I would let him go. But sometimes, if I feel like going to a game, I would go to a game alone, and our life has always been like that. If I go out he will stay at home. You see, he really goes with me, we will really be together. When I go out with my parents, my friends, not really my friends, but my cousins, and with my children.
Husband: Ja, to the zoo
Wife: .... and he will still stay home. So if we go out socially, I'm the one that goes to visit, we never go out being two. So that's how our life is. (Laughs) Not really ever going out together.
Husband: Ja ... we don't go out together.
PAUSE
Wife: When we got married, we stayed in one room. We catched a train to work. In the afternoon I would wait for him and we would come home together. Then he will help me with the food and he will also be helping with the cleaning of the house. If I am not at home, I will go to my friend. I don't have a friend really, my friend is my cousin. That's my friend, ja, and my mother. My mother comes to me every Sunday. So I visit with my cousins or my mother.
PAUSE It's a really interesting life (laughs).
Researcher: (To husband) So, what do you think?
Wife: I think we are I don't know. I think I'm satisfied with my life the way it is. Ja, when he comes back from work, he will help me with the food, and then we'll eat and I'll wash the dishes, and he will watch TV until I don't know what time: Me, I just watch TV up until eight or half past eight, and then I go to bed. I don't go to sleep, I lie down and read. That's about all. I don't know what time he comes to bed, because when he does, I am usually fast asleep, because he watch TV till late (PAUSE). We've got really separate lives, it's not really like eh.... eh .... but we are really satisfied with it. I got used to the fact that I like to go out with my friends. He sometimes goes out, but most of the time I go out and I never force him to go out with me. We've learnt to live like this. I've come to accept him the way he is, and he has also learned to accept me the way I am.
LONG PAUSE
Wife: My eldest son was long without a job. How he's got a job for R450.00.
Husband: Ja 134
Wife: He was not really happy, but I told him to take the job. So he took a job, and in the meantime I told him to go to a business school.
Husband: Ja ...a
Wife: Now he's got a good position like a supervisor. My other son, the second eldest, my eldest son gave him a job. He worked there, but he also wanted a job of his own. Every time he got paid, he would stay at home and would not go to work. So after a year, he was without a job. He used to get warnings from work, but he could not stop. So for a year he was without a job. the he got a job through the Department of Traffic, and he is still working there. As you can see, the traffic is parked out there. And then my other son, he was good at school, so when he passed matric .... he passed it very well ... so he went to church. He studied for four years and he then got a job at ESKOM. and my youngest son, well he did not enjoy school at all. I used to go to school every week, because teachers were complaining about him. I told them I wouldn't be able to go there every week, otherwise I will lose my job. One day when I went to school, Amed's teacher said I thought Amed comes from a home where there is no order and where the family is broken. I told her: "No, we are decent people". Right through his schooling the school gave us problems. It was only when he was in standard seven that the school did not give us any problems, otherwise there were always problems. so I took him out of that school, and took him to this school where he is now. I just hope everything goes well. He wants to study to be a plumber, but he can go to the Johannesburg technicon for that, but the problem is, he has to go for an apprenticeship and people don't want to take people for apprenticeship, because they cannot just pay them anything. Now I don't mind taking him to Johannesburg Technicon, but if you take the plumbing course for two years, it is R500.00 per term. So I don't mind putting him there. I put my other son through a tech., and I did that alone, and then I said, OK, I don't mind paying this money, since that is what you want to do, but the thing is this, I want somebody to take him to plumbers so that he can see what plumbing is all about.
Husband: It's not that simple.
Wife: Ja, I guess he just heard about plumbing.
Husband: Ja
Wife: But he does not know that it is difficult.
Husband: Ja.. ja
Wife: And that he needs to know. So I just want somebody to take him and so that he can see now what plumbing is all about.
Husband: Ja. it needs months. it's not easy.
Wife: Ja. its not easy. 135
Husband Easy?
Wife: It's not an easy job. It's a dirty job, but if he wants to go there. its OK, but he must still get people where he can do his apprenticeship.
Husband: Ja, its not a dangerous job. Wife: Ja, it's not a dangerous job, it is a dirty job. Because plumbing is not only a thing that you read from a book, you must also do practicals. And now the thing is, will I get somebody who will take him or otherwise my money is only wasted and things like that.
Husband: Have you seen that? Wife: Ja 1 saw many people you know .... eh ... where somebody is doing plumbing like eh .... like eh a lay man, and I mean they don't get well paid. and I would not like to see that happen to him.
Researcher: So you have fears about your son?
Wife: I hope, you should know that there is always this fear that the child will do something and go to jail.
(Husband laughs)
...that is now my main fear. Well, I'm not saying everybody is, but I mean they've got new friends, you know, and you don't know what they can do.
Husband: Yes yes....
Wife: I hope so, ja.... You know, there is always this fear that the child might do something. Ja, that is now my main fear.
Husband: Ja..m.... Wife: And you know. friends are not so .... eh .... I don't say other people would say so... or .... so... because nobody says he is naughty, but you know, you've got friends and you tend to do what they do
Husband: (Interrupts) ... not always ....
Wife: You know, and you don't know what they can do. He was chasing that boy with a knife ... eh
LONG PAUSE (They look at each other)
Researcher: OK, that's enough. and thanks for your time. 136
COUPLE E
Daisy is a 42 year old lady who comes from London. She met Junior in 1989 and they got married in December in London that same year. Junior is from Soweto (Johannesburg), and he met Daisy when he was studying in London. They came back to South Africa in 1990, went back to London again and came back permanently to settle in South Africa in 1994.
Wife: My name is Daisy. I am a Londoner, and I met Junior in 1989 and we got married in December. Husband: My name is Junior. I come from Soweto. I met Daisy in London where I was studying etho musicology. We met in a ... (pause).... in June, and we got married in... (they look at each other and laugh). Wife: right away. Husband: Ja! six months after we met. Researcher: OK, the first question I would like you to discuss is: What do you think about the political situation in South Africa now? Husband: (Looks at wife) ... uh .... start. Wife: OK, well eh .... well, I think there is quite a lot of things that have happened. Looking back at what South Africa used to be, for example, in the 1980's, and what it is like now. Considering the background of how the Government used to be like during the apartheid era. I would say the Government are trying and have a vision. Looking at small changes that are beginning to occur, I would say it is a good start, though it is not easy for the Government, and it is also going to be a slow process, and this will mean that people will have to be patient and will also have to work together as I think ... I would also like to see quality in this country. Husband: Yes. I think things have really changed. I mean, If I think back at the time when I left this country as an exile into London under a false name, things were really bad. Corning back after 12 years, it was a different experience all together. It is very interesting to see how many people have changed. To 137
watch black and white people interacting the way they do is for me a very enriching experience, and it gives me hope. I remember before leaving the country. I had much problems you know, sometimes physical fights with whites. I mean that is one thing that forced me to leave the country. When I left the country I went to join the armed wing of the ANC (Umkhonto we Sizwe) .... eh .... you know, because of all those many physical fights that I used to have with these boers back home. You see, eh one of the things that I could not stand is when these whites made me to feel like I was inferior to them. So I went to join the armed wing of the ANC in order to be able to come back and fight for my people. When I was in Tanzania, I was given an opportunity to go and study in London. So coming back from London ... really, I was very impressed, first by the immigration officers you know, ... eh ... it sound much awkward ... eh ... a lot of them ... I thought they were trying to bluff me you know, as they were very friendly (both laugh, looking at each other), and I thought to myself ... maybe it is because we now have a black president, you know. But if I go into ... eh ... the crux (the wife interrupts) of the matter, I would say, people are really trying, some whites, also to be polite with one another. I would have thought that black you know, would be very angry, and would want to sort of pay revenge or sort of attack everybody that oppressed them, and this was not the case, instead, they were very accepting and forgiving. Wife: I think it's amazing how it happened. I mean when you look at how South Africa became free, it's amazing what happened. Blacks were more than willing to let the past be gone and forgotten and all they wanted was to start on a new footing not wanting to practice reverse discrimination which I would have thought was likely to be the case. Husband: Yes, you are right, it is really unbelievable what happened. Wife: I think if you look at the generosity that has developed among the black communities is greater in a way to that of the willingness of whites on the other side to giving up. you know .... their privileges, and all opportunities they have had for the past I don't know how many years. As a result you know ... (pause) ...some. I think, are looking for a very high level of protection to all 138
these privileges and opportunities and that is why some boers are even persisting that they want a Volkstaat. Husband: ... and really, I think I would also feel very threatened if I was those whites who have had it their way for too long. But looking at blacks on the other side, I feel it is justified to be as excited as they are. I mean we have been disadvantaged for too long - being people at the ground with basically nothing. I mean driving to Soweto you know, you see that there Government policy speaks of equality, but you don't see equality at all. As a result you only come into contact with (tsotsis) criminals that are always prepared to go out of their way to kill white people and to hi-jack their cars when they seem them driving into and around Soweto ... really this is painful. Wife: And I think it becomes even more difficult when you watch ... that you begin to realise that for some black people it has become more like a trait doing what they are doing, and they also tend to behave as if that is the most normal thing to do. I mean after all, these people are without jobs, nobody is going to rescue them but themselves. It only becomes painful when they tend to tell themselves that the only way they can support themselves is by taking from those who deprived them of all the golden opportunities in life. I think more than anything is stabilised by the way black people were willing to compromise, and be forgiving and to some extend to whites who were open and accepting of the political changes. Husband: Oh well, the changes are just incredible, I mean these are not ordinary changes, these are major changes that are affecting all South Africans. The economic situation hasn't changed you know, but you can expect things to start shaping up a bit. It must also be difficult for investors from foreign countries to put their trust in this government as they might not achieve their goals by investing in South Africa now. I mean you look around you, and for the first time since I can't even remember how many years, parliament is almost full with all these black people who were never there before, and who are now expected to govern the country. On the one hand the Government itself is faced with a difficult situation. you know .... that of delivering services to the people and that is not going to be easy. On the other hand the whites expect to see things happening and changing so that they can train trust 139
in this newborn black majority government. But the way the Government is coping at the moment, I think it is really remarkable. Wife: But to think in 1996 there won't be anymore of this. I think people will start being realistic and judging this Government. I mean in 1999 the party that will take over or win the elections will win outright without any sentimental values being attached to any of the parties Husband: (Interrupts) (looking at her) ... but I mean from the time that Mandela gained power in this country, most blacks expected that they would be helped to get rid of poverty - which I understand again, that is would not be easy for the government to deliver. Wife: Ja! Ja! and I mean because the people are also criticising the RDP. I mean J. Naidoo, that why is it so slow, you know, why all the problems now? I mean what happens to the education policy? I know this takes a long time, but at the same time these things have serious implication on the economy. Husband: Ja! Ja! Wife: I mean, it takes a lot of time - even the smallest project, if you think about it, takes time and a lot of money is also used so the RDP as such, is not going to be an easy project, but it is so urgent that people tend to think of it in much simpler terms. Sometimes I get a feeling that some people don't know what it is. You know, I watched this programme on TV the other night, and I was amazed about the way they talked about the RDP (she laughs), I mean it was obvious that for some people it meant the Government had to do everything for the people, and they were just waiting there to receive from the RDP. It sounds like people are expecting the government to do everything for them for free. These nation building programmes... I feel are helpful and for those who are actively involved, things are going to be much better in the near future. Husband: Ja, when I compare the economy of this country with that of other countries like Britain. which were never colonised. But are achieving. a great deal, but it was a long process - so when you think of what the Government of National Unity can deliver within a short period. you can see that they might not be able to deliver all that they promised within a short period. Wife: mm ....mm....mm... Husband: So, in my own view. I don't know what will happen because ....
140
Wife: mm....mm... Husband: ...but I think patience, you know, being patient is what we need to be, but I don't know what blacks (laughs) will do or how patient they can still be ... (both laugh) .... but I think what might be worse ... if things do not change in the near future... I mean, I have been to Angola. I was there just after Angola gained independence you know, and Unita and the other parties were fighting. Wife: But they were all blacks.... Husband: Very important yes, they were all blacks - now in our country we have got that, but remember, when a black president was inaugurated in South Africa, there were no fights whatsoever, though some crisis came from the AWB. Wife: Yes, the AWB wanted to destabilize the country then by attacking building and planting bombs. Husband: Yes, but because they are in a minority, it was not a very successful exercise. Wife: Ja, I mean, it might have been unthinkable to have Mandela as president, but that is something they will learn to accept with time. Husband: I mean, compare that with other neighbouring countries. Mozambique, for example, and Angola. There blacks were actually fighting against each other for a long time. Wife: And in South Africa was more of part of a white minority trying to overthrow a black majority. I just wonder how they could even think of that. I mean in Angola, for example, America was providing the arms and they were actually empowering one party at the expense of the other, but this was not the case in South Africa. Husband: I was, however. worried about the situation in Kwa Zulu. Natal. I was always expecting things to get out of hand. Wife: Love, you know. sometimes I want to convince myself that it is just as well that the Inkata won the elections in that province. Husband: Maybe .... and I mean, there are people who belong to other political parties in Kwa-Zulu. Natal, and I wonder if they do have any freedom of speech or movement because even the king himself seems not to be respected anymore because of the power struggle between him and political leaders. I mean the Inkata political leaders. Wife: Ja yum (they look at each other and pause ...) 141
Wife: Actually, if you think of black and white couples, other people find it difficult not to notice them. I never think of my husband as black. I only think of you as my husband, but I mean, I would be blind not to see that he is black, but I never think about what other people make of us as a mixed couple, but it is interesting to notice that people tend to do around us. I mean, for example, that woman at home affairs, who nearly dropped her cup of coffee on the floor when she realised that Junior was my husband you know. She was an Afrikaans girl and she was shocked bla....bla....bla..., and I mean generally most people in Jo'burg specifically are more accepting of mixed couples and for most of them it is not an issue anymore. There are still those who are still resistant. It is interesting to see how people can have extreme opinions about an issue. I have been to Soweto to visit Junior's family, and I mean they were very accepting of me even people from around call me Skwiza (sister-in-law) and I love it. I mean, my family was also very accepting of Junior, but he was very nervous when I took him to meet my parents. You know, my father could not wait to meet his son-in-law (both laugh and look at each other). Husband: Ja. I mean, I was very nervous. You know, being born in South Africa where racism was so rife, I did not know how to react in that situation.. I was, however, trying to prepare myself for the worst thing that could happen. When I first met your mom, she was very open. I thought she was just trying to be polite .... (wife interrupts) .... Wife: you thought my mom was just trying to be polite? (they both laugh, looking at each other). Husband: Yes, I must be honest with you. I thought she was just trying to be polite. You had to convince me to go and meet your dad. I became even more nervous. I was amazed when we got there. He was waiting at the verandah and the first person he greeted was me "How are you son-in-law?" Gosh, Oh no! I could not believe my ears and eyes (both laugh). I was surprised at the time. Then I began asking myself a few questions like "What is wrong with whites in South Africa? Why can't we be like this also in South Africa?" Wife: Well. I think more than anything. they have been brainwashed. They think they are the most important people and no one can ever be as superior as they 142
are, and remember. it is not going to be easy for some of them to give up that kind of attitude. Husband: (Laughs) Ja. I remember that Afrikaner girl in our offices in Jo'burg. She nearly dropped when she realised that Daisy is my wife and not my boss. (They both laugh) She was trying to refuse to attend to us, but she had no choice but to help us. Wife: People get confused at times when they discover that Junior is my husband, because I don't use his name. I mean. I am a feminist and this is what I strongly believe in. So we have discussed this, and we are comfortable with that as both of us know what we are all about. I remember even the Home Affairs Department asked me why I did not use my husband's name, and I could not understand why I had to use his name, because I am a person in my own right, and I have got all the right to be a person which includes my name and not my husband's name. I think women in this country needs to be exposed and taught more about the feminist staff as it seems most of them are still ignorant with regard to this important aspect. Husband: I think there is everything in a name. I remember when I went to London. I used a pseudo name, because I was working underground for the ANC. I used that pseudo name even at varsity and when I did my final year, I had to change into my real name. This was confusing to both my lecturers and colleagues. Anyway I just told them my real name and the ANC headquarters in London intervened. I was glad to use my real name again as it felt that I had found myself again. Wife: I remember that (laughs). I did not know what to call him anymore, because I did not know anything about him working under cover for the ANC. I, however. understood his reasons when he explained to me at a later stage. You know. when we were at this shopping complex the other day, that was about two days ago. one white gentleman saw us approaching their shop. He was very polite to me and started being nasty when Junior touched me. He looked me in the eye with a big questionmark on his face. I just said to him "this is my husband". He wanted to know what he was doing for a living, so I said: "I think in your language you would call him a terrorist". (Both looked at each
143
other and laugh for a long time). He just left without saying a word. So I just said: "He is Mr. Sibiya, for your information" and Junior and I were laughing. (Pause for a long time).... Researcher: OK. The next question I would like you to discuss, is: "How is the situation likely to affect your marriage?" Husband: I think for the best things to come in a more positive way, you know, you won't believe it, when we walk in town or anywhere, we happen to be the first people to notice another mixed couple and I like that (both laugh). What I usually do is to tap her shoulder and say, "Hey, look!" and we admire them. Wife: On the other hand, it is interesting to see how people react when they see us in shopping centres. Husband: You know, I usually push the trolley when we do shopping, and maybe people usually think that I am Daisy's boy (meaning servant). and you should see how they react when they hear her call me. She usually calls me 'Darling'. Wife: I sometimes like to give him a naughty hug you know... (looks at him and pat his shoulder), especially when he has been extra nice to me that morning (the both laugh) then tell her (the researcher) how you usually react to that. Husband: (Laughs) Well, I usually give her a naughty little kiss - then at that time I am not thinking of people around us. When we finish with our small flirt, that's when we become aware of people looking at us. Most of them will be looking at us with appreciation and I remember one gentleman saying to us: "This is a new South Africa indeed", and even shaked hands with my wife (both laugh). Pause Wife: (Laughs) .. but how about that white old couple? Remember them? Husband: They gave us a dirty look and they left the super market. I guess they could not stand this black boy kissing such a beautiful white lady (both laugh). Wife: And you know, that does not bother me at all, because I know we cannot change the way people feel about us as mixed couples unless they are prepared to change it themselves. After all, we come from different backgrounds, but the way forward I believe is to accept change and move with the times. Husband: (Laughs) I think it is not easy for some. other people, to accept that on the other hand. it is different for others, especially those people that are flexible. 144
But I feel mixed couples are here to stay and the sooner people get used to that, the better (they look at each other and laugh continuously). Wife: Well ... what else can we tell you? Researcher: I think that is enough. Thank you. 145
COUPLE F
Ben is a 54 year old man who is a coloured from the Cape, but stays in Eldorado Park, Johannesburg with his wife Ria, and they have two children, a boy aged 15, and a girl aged 11. Ben's family consists of Cape coloureds from his father's side and Xhosas from his mother's side. Ria is a black lady from Soekmekaar (Eisleben) and they met when Ria was working for a private company in Johannesburg. The couple got married in 1978. Their two children are in multiracial schools. Abe, their eldest child, also filled in a FFAQ questionnaire that will later be discussed in the next chapter.
Wife: Ben, this is Tebogo, and she has come to interview us as I explained to you.
Researcher: OK! The first question I would like you to discuss is: What do you think about the political situation in South Africa now?
Wife: Should we respond to you or what? (to the researcher) Researcher: You should talk to each other. Wife: OK, Ja. Skhulu, what do you think about the political situation in South Africa now? LONG PAUSE Wife: Maybe I should start by giving you my point of view. It is difficult for one to say things are not changing when at the same time one can say they see a change. I mean, the changes that are there might not be tangible enough for people to be satisfied with, but changes that are occurring one can see some kind of reconciliation between people you know. That is what I see and that is what I feel. Because, looking at the rugby thing, there are things that bring people together, and I never thought that would happen. I don't know what you think (to husband). but I think it is better than before. So what do you think? (to husband) 146
A LONG PAUSE Husband: Oh! I don't know where to start. PAUSE Wife: Start anywhere. Wife: Or didn't you say the other day what you thought. I mean, you were interviewed by newspaper people from the Sowetan - maybe you should repeat what you said, and later you said they have misunderstood and misquoted you, because you never meant what they reported in the newspaper. That is what you told me. Maybe you should start from there. Give your own point of view - different from what people read in the newspaper. PAUSE Wife: Come on, Skhulu, say something. I know you can say something about the political situation. This is very important for us to share. Husband: Yes, it is, but I wonder if the Government is actually delivering the goods. This time it seems not to be happening. Wife: What do you mean by not delivering. Won't you say the Department of Health, for example, is delivering, or has delivered something? Husband: I mean, housing is still outstanding, people are still living in shacks, unemployment is also still a problem. Wife: But don't you think Skhulu, that within a year, one would see drastic changes, and where everybody in South Africa would have a house, and also, if you say people should have houses, considering the fact that people were not paying rent right here in Soweto. What about the million shacks that are in Soweto? How are they (Government) going to find space to build a million houses in Soweto? I mean, I think we are also making it difficult for the Government to deliver. People who have houses don't want to pay rent because they claim that they don't have money. So where do you think the government will get money from if we do not pay rent? Husband: From the RDP. Wife: Who is the RDP by the way? Maybe I don't understand what RDP is. 147
Husband: Well the money that is allocated to the RDP should be well managed and kept by the people concerned and they should see to it that the money is used properly. Wife: But, what about Masakhane? What does Masakhane mean to us South Africans? Isn't it that we should assist RDP to exist? Because without Masakhane the RDP does not exist. Masakhane not only in the form of reconciliation, but Masakhane in the sense that each community must start its own project. I mean, you've seen the other day on TV people making their own bricks - even women have started syndicates so that they are now starting to build houses themselves. Isn't that something that indicates that already something is happening? Husband: Yes, you're right, something is happening. According to the RDP every rand is doubled. The RDP pays two rand to supplement every project that is initiated by a community and this actually encourages communities to start initiating projects and develop themselves. Wife: So, can you say that the responsibility doesn't lie very much with the Government of nationality, but we should also assist it. I don't think that in any way, despite the fact that we are in the new South Africa, people can do what they like. People should be responsible for paying (emphasised) so that they can assist the Government to go on with whatever project they shall have started. Husband: I agree with you completely. Wife: I guess that if, but unfortunately when it comes to policing and other things, I feel something needs to be done. I don't know what you think there (to husband), because to me, as long as we are sill having such big numbers of jobless people ... you said something about jobless people as long as we are still having this violence, car hi-jacking, and so on, that is going to make people who have money. to doubt investing in this country. I think if I had the money to build a factory. I wouldn't do it, because you don't feel secure, because people will be on strike all the time. Husband: Great! correct! 148
Wife: So, you agree with me? Husband: Mm... mm.... (nodding his head). Wife: So, you agree with me. So I don't think we need to say the National Unity Government should see to jobs and everything. The question we should ask ourselves, is what are we doing to help the Government. That's my point of view. I don't know. You might be looking at the Government providing for people, but for me the Government is there for people as much as people can make the Government to stay there. Husband: Mm mm Wife: Do you agree or disagree? Husband: Yes, I agree. There must be effort, input, by the communities to .... to assist the Government. To help them to achieve, and to keep its promises. Promises that they made when they were campaigning for the elections. LONG PAUSE Wife: I think that is how we view the political situation.
Researcher: OK! The second question is: How do you think it is likely to affect your marriage?
Wife: I think .... I think, Skhulu, from my point of view, we disagree Skhulu. I think we have disagreed on several issues, but I don't think any political disagreements that we have would really make me feel that I cannot accommodate you, because my beliefs are not your beliefs. I remember on several occasions we have differences because you people - men - for example, if you believe in the ANC, you don't see ANC people making wrong statements as such. You believe that eh eh that because it is ANC, ANC never has faults, but I, for one, despite the fact that I am more inclined on the ANC's side. although I am not a card-carrying member. I look at who comes up with a positive point towards building you know.... the country. Do you really think that if it comes to a point where we simply do not agree about Mandela you would chuck me out? 149
Husband: No ...no no. I would not do that. I. however, feel we have to be loyal to our political parties. Wife: But what about my views? Husband: Well .... your views are your views, and you have got the right to voice them out. That is your democratic right, and this is a democratic country. I'll respect what you have to say or whatever (Interrupts) Wife: I don't really think so Husband: (Interrupts) ... Yes, freedom of speech is accepted Wife: (Interrupts) .... also people who bring politics in their marriage. I don't think that's a basis which should have any effect on their marriage. I would find that very awkward. Eh .... I mean it would be drastic if I was a member of PAC or even believing in their philosophy and you believing in the philosophy of the ANC - one way or the other, because I believe that it should not in any way affect our marriage. I think marriage is sacred. It is a sacred of some kind. When we make vows we say we will be together despite our differences, in health and in sickness. That statement also means a lot. But you won't say because now she's not agreeing with me, we have to take our separate ways. In actual fact, the issue of race was more of a conscious factor for other people, but within our marriage, we have never been conscious of the fact that he is coloured and I am black. It is only when I am angry that I will say to him: "You know, you acting coloured", but generally like in this house, we speak all languages. There are times when he speaks Sotho, there are times when he speaks Zulu. The children will speak to me in English and speak to their father in Afrikaans. but it's not something that actually affects us. Even the environment in which we live, it does not make us to see ourselves differently from other people. I've never experienced it in our marriage. I've never seen him as coloured or what. I've seen us as people who are in love - who would like to spend their lives together, PAUSE Husband: She is right. 150
Wife: A. you don't see me as black or white? Husband: Ja ...m... I means I grew up in neighbourhoods where different people used to come together so for me race was never an issue. We were brought up to relate to other people as people and not as whites, blacks or something. I grew up with all these other races, side by side. Wife: So that's what affected you not to see me as a different person. And because within the family itself, within his own family there are Xhosa people in the Cape. He was brought up more in a coloured culture, because his father was coloured. This is also what we are in this marriage. His uncles from his mother's side are Xhosas and are still practising all the Xhosa rituals. When we go there we are part of the family and we are also included in the rituals. If they come here, they want me to respect them, they want me to cover my head. I will not wear a trouser when they are here. Not all of them expect me to do that, but some elderly people do, and I respect that, because my own culture gives me that background to respect the situation. So we are just a normal family. What more can we say? Husband: Hm mm mm (LONG PAUSE) Researcher: OK, thank you. 151
COUPLE G
Abdul is an Indian man who is married to a white lady (Mary) and they stay in Northcliff, Johannesburg. Both are in the business world and are running a company together.
Husband: I met my wife about 15 years ago. We met in the line of business, and as we got to know each other we eh obviously got emotionally involved, and we started going out together and for a few years we lived in a flat under most difficult circumstances, because obviously the the Group Areas Act was still in force, and eh .... subsequently it was a very trying period for us - toward - what was the year? (to his wife).
Wife: (Mary) ... 1987, I think .... Husband: 1990, when did we get married? Wife: We only got married .. yes, in 1990, but we had to buy a house because of the
Husband: Yes, Shariff, remember, when we met we were living in a flat and because of the terrible situations with the neighbours not speaking to us, and the caretaker was always eh very aggressive - which then forced us to buy a house which was like, know secure.... like a prison. Wife: High walls and big trees, so that nobody could see who we are. Husband: So that is the eh .... way the ... house story came in. Then ofcourse as time went by eh .... I told you (to researcher) I met her. she was in the business, I was also in business and eh ... as things progressed, we then started our own business together. Wife: We actually left the previous company, eh .... due to them finding out there was a relationship between us, they made things very difficult for us - very difficult. Husband: Yes, the management was totally against us. so to speak, to make life difficult - so we had to leave. 152
Husband: Eh .... they called us all sort of names, basically, basically that is what happened. So what is your question? Researcher: Ok, What do you think about the political situation in South Africa now? If you could discuss this between the two of you. Husband: The political situation the way I see it, that after the elections we have a new democratic South Africa, eh I particularly feel more free than I've ever done before due to the regime, the laws in the past - it was very restricting - I t was very uncomfortable, yes Wife: ... and I feel within myself more free, but in the same thought, I must tell you that when I see what is happening economically to the country, and eh .... regarding law and order, it does give me great concern. Wife: Yes. Husband: Very much so. Wife: Very much so. If I may say, I feel there is no greater man, our Mr. Mandela - he is a man who has got every bit of admiration. If all our leaders were, all our top people could be, the people setting the pace, could be like him, we would not have any trouble in this country. The only thing that I see is that they have, you know, in the past you could go to a policeman and ask him to assist you, but today I'm too scared to go to a policeman because I don't know whether he is on this side or that side - so it is very difficult. I don't trust them because I can't feel free with them. I love my country, and I feel as a South African, but particularly speaking now as a white South African, that we have lived with our African brothers and sisters ever since we were babies. They were our friends when we at school - so there is no change. Even in our home there's never ever been any change. So to us there is no change. The only thing is that there is no law and order. I am too scared to go to the shops by myself. We were attacked last year. Husband: (Interrupts).. Yes, and .... Wife: In November, his jaw was broken, he's got plates in his jaw - to take the car from us. Why didn't they just take the car? They had a gun at his head and for that I am absolutely petrified and inside I am convinced that it couldn't have 153
been our African people. To this day I am still convinced in my mind that is was these people from up country - these people from out of the country, because our people are people who lived in this country, they grew up with us that -man to man - they had not, they are not violent people, they are people that will hurt South Africans, especially this one (husband) because he grew up under a terrible eh regime period where he .... the busses drove past him because the busses, the white busses, were full - empty - sorry, the busses were empty. All the African busses were full. but he dare not get into a white bus. You know, if I listen to his stories, which we were really never made conscious of that, because of the ... there were no TV's. and I'm not going back to the .... so you grew up without seeing the suffering of other cultures, and our people from our house - in my mother's house - our domestic people who worked for my mother never ever suffered, never ever sat on the floor (pointing to the floor), ate the same food we did. so we were never ever aware of what was happening out there, if you know what I mean (to the researcher). But when Ilisten to what he has to say to me, then I realise it was a disadvantaged hard way for him to grow up, and when he was so badly, brutally beaten up, I know that it wasn't our South Africans, because they know these people suffered equally as much as they suffered. To me mentally, that was either from Zimbabwe or Harare or Kenya or they must have something against us. I feel, if only this Government could put their foot down and get law and order, for it is the finest country in the world. We are capable of doing anything in this country - anything that they can do in other countries - that's how I feel about it. Husband: I think I agree with you on that. If only we could get rid of this foreigners, in our country, then .... Wife: (Interrupts) ... and I regret that Mr. Mandela is his age. I would have like he was 20 years younger. Husband: And of course, we understand he will find it difficult to cope with all the bad things that are going on. Even with a small company like our own. we are finding it difficult to cope with the day to day market forces. If I can name an 154
example: We have on the one hand the workforce, they have high expectations. On the management side we have capital investors and they want a return - return on capital to manage these together, it is a difficult situation, so what happens is: we grief about dissatisfaction of everybody on the management side and the workers on the other side. The workers rightly or wrongly, I'm not too sure about that, but I'm now saying we are as productive as Taiwan and so forth. Those people are about three times more productive than we are, and that is why we can never become an exporting country, never, because of the currency. Coming back the economical situation, the market is becoming worse by the day. As I say, the marketability is not in line with the inflation. The kind of profits we made a couple of years ago, do we make it now? The demands of the Unions and the workers is just getting higher and higher, and a high possibility is that these two are getting cross and we call them workers expectations clashing with public demands. What will happen? I fear that day because they talk of 7 million people being unemployed. I think then there will be 15 million people being unemployed. So what will happen is businesses will close up and they won't be able to pay them. Now that is not conducive to building a new South Africa. It is not conducive to the solutions that are being tried. But there again, we are now being controlled, we are not in Government. We cannot do what we want to do . If I could be somewhere there, I would do something to correct this situation, this I promise you (to researcher). Something drastic about it, because this situation can only be fixed with drastic action and not muddly, cuddly - you can't - you can only put a baby in a cradle. Now is to take drastic action, but whether the people up there can do it, is a million dollar question. Woman: I think they can start by getting these illegal immigrants out of our country. Our own! Never in the past have we ever heard that eh our own people, white. black. coloured, whatever, ever lost their jobs or have they ever been desperate for jobs as they are now. The jobs are there, people should be paid a liveable minimum - living wage, and the prices should be set at that providence. If you take it from the price. you get right down to the people that 155
Woman: I think they can start by getting these illegal immigrants out of our country. Our own! Never in the past have we ever heard that eh our own people, white, black, coloured, whatever, ever lost their jobs or have they ever been desperate for jobs as they are now. The jobs are there, people should be paid a liveable minimum - living wage, and the prices should be set at that providence. If you take it from the price, you get right down to the people that earn it. People should not just be allowed to leave a job and toy, toy. They must negotiate in a proper way, and the pricing structure will be set up the proper way. With the emigration of illegal immigrants have, how they get the papers I don't know. But they get papers and they're working in our country. The people who have been in this country for many, many years are without jobs, but people from all over Africa is coming here, and I never noticed the difference before. These people who came from all over Africa, they look different, their features are different. I mean now I'm becoming conscious. I never, in my life, could see one different type from another. You can only judge the one when you are an African lady (to researcher). He is an Indian man and I'm a white woman, so you can watch by tone. I still say there are these many people from all over Africa. They have I.D. books, they've got papers - I don't know how and where they get all these things, and I feel if they can chase the immigrants out here. Our own people can rule their own country - can work together. I think there is about 10-15 million immigrants in this country and that's why there are drug abusers up here. using cocaine, and stealing . People over here robbing each other. Everybody that is not our people just want to worry us and enjoy the fruits of South Africa. I think there should be firm control. W should not allow them in this country. If they are. they must be deported so next time they walk. they must immediately be sent back. That's how I feel. Am I being to harsh dear? (to husband). but that's how I feel. Husband: Eh ... Do you have a second question? (to researcher)
Researcher: The second question is: How is this situation likely to affect your marriage? 156
Husband: This current ? Researcher: Situation? Husband: Ja....eh.... the current situation. Obviously, in my opinion, it cannot in any way affect our marriage. Yes, because a marriage is between two people, irrespective of colour, and is essentially between two people. Together we will stay and eh this is the bottom line and how best we can stay depends only on us. I will say, for example, the only thing that has changed after we were assaulted - she is not allowed to go out on her own, and this is difficult now because where one person could go out to do a job, two people must now go. Wife: Now you've got to take me (to husband) or I should take one of my clients. Husband: Ja, and I become less productive. I become her driver. So that is how it is now. I must now leave what I am doing because she (his wife) wants to go shopping, and I must go with her - go together, etceteras - and I can tell you, we are afraid Wife: Yes, since because we see people and we don't know whose good and Husband: ... whose bad .... Wife: Yes, you can't know. Husband: I mean, everyday we read, we listen to the news, we get very depressed - very depressed. There you have it there - What's going on in this country? OK, with elections we thought in the democratic South Africa people are going to say: we are freed at last from this bondage! Wife: Interrupts) ... we were do delighted because we had conquered the Husband: ... apartheid. New people are going to relief us , but now we have this problem and how are we going to find a solution? You cannot solve all these problems in five minutes, number one. Number two, if you don't know the root of the current problem, how are you going to work them out? You could touch here, dive there, now ... especially now, if you think about how the old government was - corrupt! We can't afford that, because we see now Eugene Nyathi is on the gravy train. Wife: Hm Hm Husband: So, maybe 157
Wife: We are on a big gravy train. I'd like to go up there to apply for a job. Husband: Yes, because now, how does one reconcile this, that you've got the squatters there, he's got no food to eat, he's got no running water. You've got a toilet, but yet there are a couple of people earning this type of money. How .... how do you justify this? (to researcher) There's no justification. So at the end of the day. I am very concerned. But the situation will not affect my love or affection for my wife, because it's just a fact of being together. Wife: It puts a strain on us. Husband: It puts a strain that now we can't go out by ourselves. Wife: And when I am at home earlier, and he's coming a bit later - by the time the sun goes down and six o'clock comes, I'm in a hyperactive state, has somebody held him up on the way in the street, and if he comes a little bit later, I am already in a big state in the house, which was never the case before - walking from window to window, thinking: I wonder if they held him up at the stop street. We have a lady here, we have got one African lady whose brother was shot right through the head for but nothing, but a damned car. They don't say to him: get out and give up the car, they shot the man, dragged him out, dropped him and shot off with the car. I mean, its ridiculous. And everytime there's a drama, it brings back our traumatic experience. and if he (husband) is not in early enough he has to phone me regularly to say: I'm here now, and I'm going to be there, and I'm fine and he's carrying this (showing by hand). Husband: Cellular phone. Wife: And you phone from the car, you say: Now I'm on the highway, I'm now on my way home. So it's a monitoring situation, which is a nerve-racking situation which in the past we never had to live with. But must I tell you (to the researcher) in eh in eh AWB days, what do they call it in the old regime days, we.... I had a family situation where I had the white people that knew about us, would eh you know .... ja, they used to beat people up or take them somewhere .... so I had a bad situation .... that is as bad as it is now. that I might as well tell you (to the researcher). and you know, one other 158
thing that I want to tell you. We had always said (husband and herself) there is no greater expert in our field - in the field that we are in. And what we looked forward to was the day when we were finished, to give our services to the government, in power, to assist and put our bit of work to training business people. We have a record of many businesses behind us, small businesses. We are specialists on building up small businesses together with our African people, to teach them now to take over, because we are now getting older. Well.... but the way the country is going on, there's never going to be a chance. That is the one thing we always said that will be our good deed. As a matter of fact, a couple of times I have always wanted to phone Mr. Mandela and say: Do you need help, because here are two experts, let's come and help you. With all the problems that that man has, tremendous problems, but he can't be elevated by it heh....? He's a very strong person (we all laughed).
Husband: He's ....eh
Wife: I was telling her earlier (the researcher) that I am a postmaster of psychology. With the people we've got here - from the biggest faul players to the biggest crooks, you've ever seen in your life.
Husband: OK, that's enough. Is there another question?
Researcher: No, that is all.
Husband: And, is that enough?
Researcher: Yes.
Husband: Well. I hope that this study - that what you are doing will be helpful and really hope to bring some positive change to the current situation. 159
Wife: and that it will do her well in her exams.
Husband: But, tell me, (to the researcher) isn't this the general sort of thing that you are hearing - wherever you are going?
Researcher: Nods her head.
Husband: Is it?
Researcher: It is.
Husband: But what do you think is the solution?
Researcher: I don't think I can be able to answer that now. Thank you for your time and contribution. 160
COUPLE H
Wife: OK, I'll start. My name is Betty, (a white English speaking lady) and must I say my surname as well? ....Campbell. I was born in the Free State. When I was three my parents moved to Namibia. Eh.... I've got a brother and a sister, eh .... my parents still live in Namibia, and my siblings still live in Namibia as well. I grew up there. I went to Cape Town to study, and that's where I met Ben ... eh... and then I went back to Namibia because I had a bursary to teach, and he, mm he went to Natal to study. Now I'm saying your bit... (laughs). Eh ... and then in the end of '92 - is that right? (to husband) We got married. Husband: My name is Ben (a coloured man). I grew up in Cape Town and went to school there. Eh..mm.... both my parents are divorced. I've got one step brother and one step sister ... (pause). I studied theology after leaving school. Then I met Betty at a party of a mutual friend, and we started going out and eh .... she went back to Namibia to work, and I went to Natal to study further. I stayed in the township in Natal, and we saw each other four, five times a year. Wife: Mm Husband: And then in 1992 we got married. Then we moved to the Gauteng (both look at each other and laugh) - stayed in Krugersdorp in Kagiso - lived there for two years - also in a church. Betty teaches in Johannesburg. Researcher: What church? Husband: United Congregational. And then in '94 we moved to Benoni - to the suburbs (both laugh). Wife: (Laughs) ... because we're really rich here. (Both laugh) Researcher: OK. The first question I would like you to discuss is: What do you think about the political situation in South Africa now? 161
Wife: (To husband) You can start. (Both laugh). Husband: I think it makes me very hopeful. but the future - even more than five years ago. And... eh.... I think things have quite changed a bit. Well, living in Benoni is a very conservative place .... Wife: Ya.... Ya Husband: And we still have people looking at us... (pause) .... and eh.... in terms of the politics, I don't know if I like the idea of Government of National Unity (both laugh). Wife: Eh .... ya I think South Africa is coming a far way - even from last year. And I think the changes have been more nation-wide changes, and I think people's attitudes still need to change. I mean once people's attitudes start changing then there will really be a change. Eh ....mm.... but the people in our congregation are very open-minded about us Husband: (Interrupts) mm.... in some ways .... about us. Wife: And ya and they, and I don't know why, but they see us as different from other people. Husband: Mm Wife: Eh but I think I see the South African situation from the point of view of coming from Namibia, and eh I think maybe only in about three year's time, we will start seeing a bit of a difference, and people are bound to change, because I know in Namibia people are really .... had to change. I mean people were forced to change - whether they liked it or not, and I think eh white people have been accommodated too much in this country - and having been forced to change, and only when they are forced to change - and you look at that - and it really touches you (looks at husband with a questioning face) mm Husband: Ya I think in Namibia they had a revolution. They had an election, and eh SWAPO had to go into government. Well, in that case, you in South Africa, that's not what we could have looked forward to.... I mean the National Party. Wife: Ya 162
Husband: Eh Buthelezi, eh...mm.... so I think we've got a lot - a long way to go than Namibia had Wife: Mm Husband: But then, when you think Wife: Well, that makes life more difficult (laughs), complicated. PAUSE Researcher: And, what else? Wife: But then, there may be they may be able to cause conflict (laughs). LONG PAUSE Husband: Eh.... (laughs)... mm and .... I think, in terms of Natal, things are still far too bad (pause). I don't very much know what's going to happen. And I lived there for three years and....eh.... it's kind of a part of my life. And eh .... (laughs) (long pause). But I think politically it was quite a big change coming from Kagiso - from there to here. People in Kagiso were, I mean, far more open to us. Wife: Mm....mm Husband: And there was a vibe about the people and the whole place... eh.... despite the - poverty and things. Yet, here it's very much Wife: Very much silent. There is no sense of community. Husband: Mm Wife: Eh the neighbours won't dare talk to us, because why, I don't know why (laughs). eh .... well Husband: Because we're bundus Wife: Well ... well Husband: (Interrupts)... Maybe Wife: They are Afrikaans speaking and maybe because we don't speak Afrikaans, or we look strange or something, I don't know. But they definitely have their own ideas. Ja, maybe Husband: (Interrupts) ... but they've never been so friendly to us. When we moved in here. we went to say hallo to everyone, but they never greet us. In fact. in Kagiso it was different. We would be having a braai. you know. and people 163
would come over the fence and talk to us. and even bring a beer and sit (they look at each other and laugh), and we never thought that would happen here. Wife: Ja Husband: Ja....ja.... in terms of the whole demographics of Benoni, there are a lot less black people moving into the suburbs. I don't know, it's a bit different in Johannesburg, but here it's very much rigid. Wife: Ja Husband: Very white - rigid suburb (laughs). Generally the black people you see are people who work here, eh .... mm.... it's gardeners or domestic workers. So it's .... I don't think they are rich enough to come and live here (both laugh). Ja (husband). Wife: Mm Husband: But it doesn't look to me like we've had major problems. Wife: But we got that letter on our windscreen! Husband: Ja.... (looks at wife) Researcher: You can talk about it. Husband: Ja.... well.... I went to church and on my way out, you know, I noticed that a few cars had eh pamphlets stuck onto their windscreen wipers. And I did not even see mine 'till I got home, and I just quickly scanned through it ... eh and it was Form some guy who calls himself a Christian. He says that mixed marriages are a sin, and people adopting children of Wife: (Interrupts) ...of a different racial group ... Husband: He Wife: It's anti-biblical .... Husband: Mm they are making sins and all that kind of rubbish, va and I wonder what I will get into Wife: I suppose there is that thing, that feeling which is very strong, eh ....mm that you get some fundamental churches that onto that he can be in trouble in some way, mm.... I mean, just the thought that he is thinking like that, and has the audacity to spread pamphlets with such a message. I mean, its totally ridiculous mm
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Husband: I think he's sick (laughs). But I mean, he made free A4-photocopy pages and all the cars in that church - I think had one. I mean, that's quite a bit of a trouble to go into. Wife: Ja (laughs), but there was no name of a church or of a person. Husband: Ah (pause) .... but I've seen it to be a bad trash at that stage, but Wife: He could not take up the challenge... Husband (To researcher). What else would you like to know about politics? (Both husband and wife look at each other and laugh). Researcher: What you want to talk about? Wife: Well, I mean politics can be at different levels, I mean, the kind of politics that did not affect us. Husband: One thing that I get upset about is .eh eh is the kind of macro nationalists - kind of workers - kind of, you know .... Inkatha Freedom Party - it has become an ethically based thing, and that's against everything I believe in ... (Both laugh) PAUSE Wife: It could be, probably, be a reaction towards people not being allowed to expose their culture before and during the apartheid, but they are going on the extreme (pause)... but, I mean, these people in the case for instance, they don't want to be called Cape Coloureds, but they never even want to be called black. They want to be brown people, or they want to be something else you know, and it's just it's sort of they are confused - are striving for identity, because they have been deprived of identity for too long. And I mean, people want to follow some kind of identity and they are overreacting a bit Husband: .... but then isn't it senseless to make colours of skin, I mean, looking at colours of skin - how many shades of black, brown, are there, or pink? Wife: That's how people even look more dark. I mean, people have always been categorised like that, and I mean. I'm sure that's what we must teach our children - that that's not how you categorise people. Husband: So. in other words. it's just racism? 165
Wife: (Laughs) In fact, yes. LONG PAUSE. Husband: I don't know -maybe that's how everything is defined, but I'm glad to live in a "rainbow" nation. (Both laugh) Wife: Ja.... but, eh but, in terms of affecting us personally, I think that it is less tense living in South Africa now, than it was in the past -'83 and back. Ja (looks at the researcher, and shrugs...). Researcher: Maybe, you should talk about the '80's. Wife: (laughs). Well, the '80's, eh well, we met in '87 (looks at husband) Husband: Ja Wife: It was, I think, quite a tense time because of the state of emergency - after that we also just tried to view what was happening in South Africa. I sort of felt I could always escape to Namibia, and I know Namibia is always full of more mixed couples. So I know I could always go home where it was better than here in South Africa. But, the feeling of tension was cleared, I mean, you went off the border and you just felt it, eh? Husband: Eh .... I left South Africa a few times in the '80's, and it's only when you come back Wife: Ja Husband: ... and as soon as you get your passport stamped, you just realise how tense it is here. It's like this weight on your shoulders. Wife: Ja.... Husband: Ja PAUSE Wife: But even us as a couple. Eh .... some of my friends weren't my friends anymore after Ben and I went out together. Then they weren't proper friends anyway. Eh .... well.... but, and we wouldn't go some places. Husband: We could Wife: .... I can't remember, (both laugh and look at each other) LONG PAUSE 166
Wife: Mm ....mm Husband: There were a few rallies we could not go to because they were banned. (Both laugh) Researcher: In Jo'burg? Husband: In Cape Town. Wife: Ja in Cape Town. Husband: Well, I think what happened affected as critically. In any significant way at least. It wasn't an issue for us. Wife: Mm what do you mean it wasn't an issue? Husband: I mean, it wasn't eh major encroachment on our lives. Wife: Ja Husband: And we could basically do what we wanted. Wife: Ja (pause)... Students can always do what they want to anyway (laughs) mm
Researcher: So, how do you thin the political situation is likely to affect your marriage? Husband: I don't thin we'll let it. Wife: No. PAUSE Husband: I mean, I'm glad we don't deal with things like we could everyday, eh .... I'm really opposed to unrests. Wife: But, I think it would have even been more drastic if we married say then Husband: Mm.... I think it Wife: Well, that could have been even worse. Husband: I think it would have affected you everywhere you go. Wife: And that would make you even illegal. Husband: We would be walking down the street as people who are illegal.... (Both laugh) Researcher: How do you think this situation now is likely to afffect your marriage? Wife: I think it will affect us in a positive way. Husband: Mm we are more acceptable.
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Wife: Yes, people accept us more, and we see more mixed couples moving around and people are more willing to accept us. (Pause). But in Namibia the proportion of mixed couples is much higher than here in South Africa. Husband: Ja, I think in a lot of ways, its more difficult for coloured people to accept us. I just seem to be trying. Even in church they tend to be more conservative. Wife: Eh .... my experience is that they try to impress us. It's like I'm suppose to be better than them, you know. and if I'm the only white person in their company, it's like the whole conversation is aimed at me, and it's like they are telling me what they have done, its like they're trying to impress me because I'm ... I don't know what - and it's really weird. Husband: Really weird, I must say. Wife: And irritating. You just feel you wish to say: "Grow up", you know, eh people act like they are saying ha you know they must prove themselves to me or whatever. and everybody in that company tend to be totally ignored, and it's so bad.... (pause). I mean to and extent that you feel: "maybe I should leave". Husband: Eh in some way it has been a bit difficult, but more irritating (pause) .... eh .... I think people have an attitude that they need to be laughed about. Eh .... like I did a funeral in a church here some months ago, and some people came in and they like eh .... looked me up and down, and they went to the undertaker who was out at the door, and is this the right family, the right funeral we've come to (laugh). I mean where in Benoni have you seen a black minister doing a funeral of a white lady (both laugh). So, it's all kinds of things. I mean, we .... I think I'm beyond getting angry about it, but it irritates me when it happens. Wife: Ja ja Husband: But eh ja and the way people speak about the "boy", or (pause). Like people who speak of "boys" Wife: and my maid 168
Husband: .... or a black man burned in front of me on the road. Now I think those are the things that need to be challenged. And I must say I didn't expect anywhere in my life, to be living anywhere near Boksburg. (Both laugh) With a C.P. city council. Wife: I think people will never stop talking about us, but we have gone beyond that because I think we accept each other the way we are. We're quite happy the way we relate to each other - so, if somebody has a problem about us, it's their problem and they need to deal with it - it's not our problem, and I think we were always like that. Husband: Yes, I mean Wife: And I would love it if people of all races would be living around us, because that would make life so much more interesting, and it will be fun - and not like this (laughs) - where people hide behind their walls. Husband: ... and high gates and alarms. Wife: Ja Husband: Ja I mean, you know, it's such an artificial arbitrary kind of measurement. Eh I mean to categorise doesn't have any basic, logic to it. I mean, we don't thin of each other in terms of being different at eh .... the only time that we think of it is when other people react to us, you know. Wife: Ja Husband: Eh .ja LONG PAUSE Researcher: That's it? Wife: Laughs Husband: Eh... I don't know if there is anything else that you would like to know, but that's about it. you know, in terms of normal life when we were in the township - we lived like anybody else is supposed to live in a township you know. Wife: If people think that we should live like they live, we must all be locked up (laughs). 169
Husband: Well, I think you feel some kind of pressure, as a minister, from the community, and I think even in Benoni, it's the same thing. So people get to know you quite quickly. (Pause). But we've never had quite like major nasty response to us. And I think people are coming to accept it. They accommodate mixed couples you know, better, far more easy.... Wife: (Laughs and look at her husband) Husband: But, I think for some people it's quite a difficult concept still. A friend of us is also a minister and he was trying to adopt a black girl. Eh I mean they decided not to, because they felt the family would .... Wife: (Interrupts) .... reject the child. Husband: They found their families weren't quite ready for it. It was quite a major step. Researcher: Was it a white couple, or ....? Husband: No coloured couple, and eh Wife: Come on Wally, you're hungry (talking to the cat). LONG PAUSE Researcher: I think that's enough. Thank you. (Both husband and wife laugh)
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