Cold Open: On the afternoon of December 21st, 1978, a half-dozen Chicago investigators, armed with a fresh search warrant, made their way down into the crawlspace beneath the home of John Wayne Gacy, at 8213 West Summerdale Avenue, in the Norwood Park neighborhood of Chicago. Officer Daniel Genty made his way, crawling along his stomach, to a spot underneath Gacy’s kitchen where he saw what looked like human hair sticking out of the ground. Shining a floodlight on the area, he saw a long depression that looked like a dry lake bed with cracks in the yellow gray covering of a layer of lime that Gacy had put over the entire surface of the dirt beneath the home.

Genty popped an entrenching tool into the ground and after two shovelfuls of dirt, he hit some whitish bits of soap-like material. It was adipocere (“Add-i-pah-sear”) flesh - body tissue that has chemically changed to a lard like substance due to rot and moisture. The crawlspace smelled like a sewer.

Genty dug further and hit bone. An arm bone. Definitely human. There were more hair strands on his little shovel. Genty turned towards some other officers poking their heads through the crawlspace access door. “Charge him,” he said. “I’ve found one.”

Within minutes, Gacy was in police custody, charged on suspicion of murder. The body Genty had began to uncover was the first of what would be 28 corpses that would be removed from underneath his home.

We tend to like it dark here in the Suck, and it’s hard to get darker than this week’s Gacy. So let’s go full evil and explore the man, the murderer, the evil fucking children’s clown that was John Wayne Gacy, today, on Timesuck.

PAUSE INTRO

I. Welcome! A. Happy New Year Suckers! 2018. It’s here! Hail Nimrod! Let’s make it big.

I’m Dan Cummins, and this is Timesuck. Welcome to the Cult of the Curious. Lucifina is clearly steering us into the New Year.

Not able to suck this one in the Suck Dungeon, the Suck Studio, the Suck Lair. Recording from Denver Colorado, where I’ve been doing shows at Comedy Works, and I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of Timesuckers who came out. Now I also really want to add Denver to the list of cities to do a future live Timesuck in. Denver came out in force this week, and I appreciate it. Even received some gifts - got a framed Rasputin story newspaper clipping from 1917. Putting that in the office! And if you’re the Timesucker that gave it to me, please message me. I lost track of your name in the blur of Suckers I was meeting for the first time.

Couple tour dates and then we’ll get to Gacy. More announcements at the end, including the topic for this Friday’s bonus suck and a special upcoming Timesuck live event.

Indianapolis January 5th and 6th. Providence, RI January 19-20th. Chicopee, MA Jan 21st Philadelphia! January 25-27th. Baltimore January 28th - sorry that hasn’t been posted at Magooby’s website. Should be up by now.

Chicago! January 31st through Feb. 3rd

New York City - Gotham Comedy Club, one night only, Feb. 11th.

More tour dates at either dancummins.tv or timesuckpodcast.com for more info. The Minneapolis tickets should now be on sale. They were supposed to be announced today - so grab those quick, limited seating. Ticket links, or least venue links, in the episode description for all the shows I mentioned and a few others I didn’t.

More announcements at the end of the show, right now let’s get to Timesuck 68, the first suck of 2018, John Wayne Gacy!

PAUSE INTERLUDE II. John Wayne Gacy. A. John Wayne Gacy. An Polish, Illinois man who was seen by some as a pillar of the community. He donated his time to cheer up sick kids, dressed as Pogo the Clown, or Patches. He was heavily involved in the Jaycees, volunteering at numerous community events, organizing parades, contributing both time and money to the local Democratic party. He helped get First Lady Rosalynn Carter and wife of President Jimmy Carter to come to Chicago - there’s a picture of the two shaking hands. He ran several successful businesses, had a couple kids, convinced two women to marry him. He wasn’t some social outcast. But he was a serious social deviant. He had a dark side. And at least 33 young men and boys lost their life because of this dark side. So let’s suck in to who he was and how he became a monster, with a long, hard look at his sick, twisted life, in a Timesuck Timeline.

PAUSE TIMESUCK TIMELINE INTRO

I. Timesuck Timeline A. March 17, 1942: Future serial killer and arguably least funny and most evil clown ever, John Wayne Gacy is born in the Portage Park neighborhood of Chicago. Portage Park, aka, Clown town, is the birthplace to several of America’s more famous clowns, including, Sildo the Clown, host of a nationally syndicated 1960’s kids show, Sildo’s Rodeo until the show was pulled and then buried in 1968 following some on-air issues with alcohol and also Donald McDonald, inspiration for the McDonald’s clown whose name was changed to Ronald after a defamation suit. Donald McDonald was Barnum and Bailey’s Master Clown from 1934-1939 until an accident with the show’s human cannonball during rehearsals left his face partially paralyzed and, unable to smile, the Circus felt he was too scary to amuse children. Donald McDonald died in a tragic accident involving a banana peel and an oversized rubber mallet a few years after his forced retirement.

None of that happened except for John being born in Portage Park. Sildo’s Rodeo? How many of you thought that sounded awfully close to Dildo’s Rodeo? Dildo the clown.

Anyway, Portage Park is actually an officially designated Chicago community located on the northwest side of town and named due to it being the major portage linking the Des Plaines (“Dess Plaines” - like it’s spelled) and Chicago River.

It also has the largest Polish community in all of Chicago, which if you’ve ever been to Chicago, is saying a lot, because that city is infested with dirty, mangy, disease riddled Polish people spreading their genetically tainted and inferior lineage. Little known fact, it’s actually uncommon for a Polish baby NOT to have several birth defects. Also, a Polish person of average human intelligence is considered a genius in the Polish community and sought out by other Polish people as a sort of oracle or shaman. Actual fact, my wife is Polish and I love to needlessly slander Polish people. I actually love Polish culture. Sausage and pirogis!

Portage Park IS a heavily Polish, largely working class neighborhood, and Gacy was of primarily Polish descent. He was born on St. Patrick’s Day to John Wayne Gacy Sr., a Polish machinist and WWI veteran also born in Chicago. A stern, hard working, Polish Catholic man, who was also an abusive, violent, homophobic drunk.

His mom was Marion Elaine Robinson, a homemaker with an incredible ability to live in total denial of her actual life. She was happy to be married to a man who made a good living and she would refuse to think John had anything to do with any of the murders until the day she died. John was their second child. John’s older sister Joanne had been born two years earlier in 1940.

B. 1944: In 1944, John Sr. and Marion’s third and final child, Karen is born. John Sr. would later be described by all three of his children as an unemotional man with a Jekyll and Hyde personality. His violence could seemingly show up out of nowhere. When little John was two, and his sister Karen was only three weeks old, he came home drunk one night and punched out several of Marion’s teeth. She fled out into the street while two year old John and four year old Joanne screamed inside the house as their father further beat their mother on the sidewalk, only stopping when police officers intervened.

As little John jr. got older, he’d try and come to his mother’s defense when his dad would attack her, his father would then also beat him and call him a sissy and a momma’s boy. “What kind of sissy tries to keep their momma from taking a good punch to the face? What are you gay? Little punching on mom got you weak in the knees?” John Sr. was a total piece of shit.

Despite his violent temper, the kids apparently still loved their dad and were eager to please the man who wasn’t warm, but at least wasn’t beating the shit out of their mom, when he was sober. Sad, little John was really, really bad at pleasing his dad, who pretty much openly despised his son. His dad would call him fat, lazy, stupid - all kinds of things. And mom didn’t seem like an award winning parent either. When John was young, Marion once found a bag of her panties under the porch where John would play, so she made him wear a pair of her underwear to shame him for what he’d done. And then dad came home from work and beat him with a leather strap. He was once beaten with a leather belt by his father at the age of four for accidentally disarranging car engine components his father had assembled. Lot of stories about little John doing this, that, and the other and then getting beat with a leather strap. Dad loved to break out the leather apparently.

Dad was also homophobic, not uncommon for a dad in the 40s, and would tell little John that he would “probably grow up to be queer.” His mother,, also would later say that if Gacy would’ve told his father he was gay, his dad probably would’ve killed him. So, you know, maybe John, Sr. was a little more aggressively homophobic than the average 1940s’dad.

Towards the end of grade school, young Gacy began to suffer seizures and fainting spells and was periodically hospitalized. This really pissed dad off. John Sr felt that his pansy son was “faking it” for attention, especially when the cause of the seizures and fainting was never conclusively discovered. He was given the vague diagnosis of “heart trouble”, and he’d suffer occasional bouts of chest pain, light headedness, etc the rest of his life. Medical problems prevented him from participating in school sports, further cementing his status as a gay momma’s boy in his father’s eyes.

C. 1960: John struggled through school, may or may not have been molested by a contractor friend of his father’s who he didn’t tell on out of fear his dad would blame him, and then, in 1960, he dropped out of high school during his senior year. He volunteered for the local Democratic Party which, of course, made his father sick to his stomach. I guess he considered the Democratic Party to be gay as well. John Jr. also volunteered at a Civil Defense organization that allowed him to go to accidents and fires and even have a flashing blue light in his car. Volunteering in various organizations over the remainder of his adult life, which he’d be very good at, gave him the sense of approval he just couldn’t get at home from his horrific father.

D. 1960-1962: Sometime between 1960 and 1962, John got tired of his dad’s shit - he was still living at home and his dad had helped him buy a car but would take the keys from him or remove the distributor cap so it wouldn’t run when he was upset with John. Not letting him drive his own car was the last straw and John left Illinois and took off for Las Vegas. He got a job at the Palm Mortuary in Las Vegas and also worked for a local ambulance service.

After working at the funeral home about three months, he apparently freaked himself out one night when he was alone with the corpses and he climbed into the coffin with the body of a teenage boy, fondling and caressing the corpse. He called his mom the next day and asked if his dad would let him come home. Doubt he gave his mom the exact reason why.

(Gacy Mom - Polish Chicago accent) “What’s wrong, John? Did something happen?”

(Gacy, Polish accent) “Kind of. It’s not a big deal ma, I’m not in trouble or any ting, I just, well, last night at work I fell into one of the coffins of the bodies I been working on, and, next thing you know, I got some dead 14 year old dick in my hand. How crazy is dat!?! Total accident of course.

And, here’s the ting. I’m not in trouble or nuttin’. I just feel like, the longer I stay here, the more dead dick I’m gonna end up accidentally falling on and touching and grabbing and puttin’ in my mouth and slamming into my butt. You know how clumsy I am ma! And, I’d hate to embarrass dad if I got caught or any ting and people got the wrong idear. So I figure, how bouts I head home, where there’s, you know, less dead dick laying around for a totally straight guy like myself to fall on and such.”

Back in Chicago, Gacy may or may not have gotten some type of degree from Northwestern Business College. I’m not sold on it. The vague business-y is referenced in enough sources I feel like it’s worth mentioning, but I can’t find any primary source that gives any real definitive information about when he attended or what degree he obtained, so, I’m giving it a maybe.

He did get a job with the Nunn Bush shoe company and was transferred to Springfield, Illinois, 200 miles and a three hour drive away.

The Nunn Bush shoe company is still around and seems to specialize in a variety of cheap wing tips, oxfords, and penny loafers worn by men who have completely given up any hope of ever making a woman’s vagina wet again. Picture the shoe of a struggling insurance salesman with a combover and a wispy mustache spilling a little gas station coffee on his brown polyester slacks and you’ll be picturing some Nunn Bush shoes.

While working at Nunn Bush, selling those dope ass kicks, John is promoted to a management position and he meet his first wife, Marlynn Myers, a Nunn Bush coworker. The rare woman attracted to a shoe with a solid, no-nonsense tread and the tweed jacketed man bold enough to wear it.

E. September 1964: After dating for 9 months and having sweaty, awkward sex during which pasty Gacy undoubtedly left his black socks on, John and Marlynn wed. 1964 was a big year for Gacy. He also joined the local Jaycees chapter aka the United States Junior Chamber, a leadership and civic organization for people between the ages of 18 and 40 who want to develop business and management skills, perform some community service. And, until 1984, it was only dudes, and Gacy loved that. An organization of only young dudes that he could spend time with that wouldn’t seem overtly homosexual to his father. And it was with one of his fellow Jaycees with whom Gacy would later recount having his first homosexual experience with. The two men went out for drinks and then Gacy crashed on the guy’s couch where his new colleague gave him a blow job.

(Gacy mom) “How are things going in Springfield John?”

(Gacy) “Good ma! The Jaycees named me their Key Man - quite an honor. I just asked Marlynn to marry me and business is going real swell. Selling a lot of shoes. Lot of wingtips with the little tassles. They make a classy shoe Ma. Don’t tell dad but I had another accident the other night with a Jaycee buddy. We were sitting on the couch, pounding beers and talking about how attracted we are to women, you know, as men do, when next thing you know, I kind of stumbled from all the beer and suddenly, my dick is in his mouth. Damned-ess thing. He was so drunk he must of thought it was a woman’s nipple or something ‘cause he just started sucking on it. Don’t tell dad - he’ll probably think it means I’m gay or something in dat crazy Pollack head of his. Anywhoo - things are good ma.”

F. 1965: By 1965, John was the vice President of the Springfield Jaycees and named third most outstanding Jaycee in the state. Getting that Jaycee on Jaycee blowjob is probably what pushed him into the top three. Strangely, the Jaycees make no mention of John in any of their literature. Huh. Weird. G. 1966: In February of 1966, John and Marlynn have their first child, Michael shortly after moving to Waterloo, Iowa.

Just before Michael’s birth, John’s new father-in-law gave John the business opportunity of a lifetime - he could manage three of the family’s KFC franchises in Waterloo! Hot damn! Making some of that chicken money! Making some of that instant mashed potato dough! Making some of that biscuit scratch!

When John moved to Waterloo, it was a mundane manufacturing and meat-packing town of about 75,000 people set in prime Iowa corn country. And full of original recipe loving mid-Westerners.

In a story about John taking over management of the three restaurants, the Waterloo Courier reported that John held a degree in accounting and business management. Again - I can’t find any proof of actual degrees, and considering the type of braggart you’ll soon realize he was, there’s a very good chance John just lied about his education. His father-in-law, Fred Meyers, being a good businessman himself, apparently never cared for John and tried, right up to the wedding, to persuade his daughter not to marry him.

Once married though, and with his daughter pregnant with John’s child, he gave John a decent salary for the time, $15,000 a year plus 20% of those net chicken profits. Getting some of that fried chicken scratch! Getting some of those side of coleslaw Benjamins.

John attended Kentucky Fried Chicken University and got to managing. I can’t find any info online about an institution called Kentucky Fried Chicken University, but, it’s referenced in a book called Killer Clown: The John Wayne Gacy murders written by Terry Sullivan, the Illinois State’s attorney prosecutor who spearheaded the investigation and arrest of John Wayne Gacy, and I’m going to assume it was a real place. Fucking hilarious to me. God Bless you if you’ve bettered your life by managing a KFC, but, KFC University just sounds so incredibly fucking sad.

(KFC student) “Good news mom! I’m finally going to college, just like I always said I was going to do!”

(Student Mom) “That’s great! I’m so proud of you! Did the University of Iowa change their mind? I thought they turned you down!”

(KFC student) “They did mom. They did turn me down. But it doesn’t matter now. I got into an even better school! One that doesn’t care I dropped out sophomore year or had a 1.2 GPA. I got into KFC University! And two weeks from now, fingers crossed, your son will graduate with a degree in original recipe fried chicken with a focus in drumsticks. You promised me a car if I ever graduated college mom, and I can’t wait to drive it two weeks from now.”

(Student mom) “Um, yeah. Well, about that…”

H. March 1967: In 1967, John and Marlynn would have their second and final child, daughter Christine.

John also finally wins a little approval from his father around this time, with John Sr. taking him aside and telling the now married young father that he was “wrong about him”.

(Polish accent Dad) “Listen son, I owe you an apology. If I’d a known you weren’t some queer little momma’s boy, I wouldn’t of beat the shit out yous your entire childhood. And I probably would’ve pulled a few punches on your ma as well. So, you know, sorry about the hassle. Proud of yous.”

(JWG) “Thanks dad - I love yous.”

(Polish accent Dad) “Whoa! Easy there Professor Prissy Pants! I said I was proud of yous! I didn’t say I wanted to put your balls in my mouth. Jesus! Let’s go have a beer and forget about how you just about made me punch your lights out for gaying out on me there.”

John continued his involvement with the Jaycees in Waterloo, becoming friends with the local chapter President and even getting his picture in the paper as a Jaycee where he was listed as “Colonel” Gacy, a nod to his KFC empire. Call me the Colonel!

He also get heavily involved in Waterloo nightlife with his Jaycee buddies, frequenting bars and strip clubs and becoming quite the braggart - claiming now that he had laid “a hundred women”. Highly doubtful that he had sex with 100 women but he at least had sex with one who later claimed he was “strange” in bed and that he choked her when she refused to go down on him after intercourse. Funny use of the word “strange” - more like “Psychotic”.

JWG started getting pretty weird with his wife, offering her sexually to his drinking buddies or telling them he’d let them sleep with her if they gave him a blow job. If this seems outrageous to you, it was. And if you’re wondering how he could get away with acting like that, well, the more I read about him, the more this picture emerges of the guy who makes outlandish statements under the guise of just fooling around. (JWG) “Hey buddy! I don’t really want you to blow me. Sheesh! I was just fooling around. You thought I was serious? C’mon! Can’t a guy kid around anymore?” He was that douchebag. A loud, obnoxious personality I have always loathed.

He was the guy who was joking until you took him up on one of his “jokes” and then he was totally serious.

Gacy was also involved in the Merchants Patrol in Waterloo. A sort of organized Neighborhood Watch patrol that guarded local businesses. Basically, a bunch of wannabe police officers. John was always drawn to authority figures. Always wanted to be around some sort of power and muscle. He also brought free chicken to local police officers and firemen several times a month. He gave money and free chicken to under privileged youth around Christmas time. He really went out of his way to show everyone what a good guy he was. He loved being a sort of big man on campus - the unofficial mayor. The guy who knows everyone’s name.

He also set up a social club in his basement for local teen boys too young to get into bars at this time, many of which he had met through hiring them to work at one of his KFC locations. He charged them monthly dues, and they could drink beer, play pool, and stuff. Talk about a red flag. If my son ever tells me about some dude who offered to let him and his friends come over and drink beers with him in the basement - no other adults around - just the one guy. That motherfucker is getting a visit from me. I feel like that’s a guy you could beat the shit out of without fear of legal repercussion. Just head over with a baseball bat. “Hi. Are you the guy who offered to let a bunch of teenage boys drink with you in the basement? Yeah? CRACK!” Just start swinging. “Go ahead, call the cops fuck face. I go down for assault and you go down for contributing to the delinquency of numerous minors and you get the reputation of being a dude who is almost certainly a pedophile and at the very least a weird fucking creep.”

God that is creepy!

And Gacy, of course, made it even creepier than it already seems. He openly challenged the boys to a game of “if you beat me in pool I’ll give you a blowjob”. Seriously. One of his “C’mon! Lighten up! I’m just fooling around.” joke/not jokes.

He also told kids that the governor of Illinois had commissioned him personally to conduct sexual experiments, some heterosexual, mostly homosexual, in the interest of “scientific inquiry”. He’d even show them a certificate he’d printed attesting to membership in some sort of fictitious sexual commission. He’d lecture them on sexual morality, explaining that homosexual thoughts were normal, including ones between men and boys. He’d again offer sex with his wife if they’d only give him a blowjob first.

I’m no lawyer, but, I feel like if someone does this to your kid, and you kill them, as long as you don’t have a prior record, you’re not gonna do much time. Or maybe even no time. I don’t want to come across willy nilly about murder, but, I just feel that personally, you should be able to murder someone who tries to molest your kid.

The balls on this deviant! And how the fuck is his wife okay with any of this? How is his father-in-law not threatening to pull the franchises from him?

The police end up intervening on their behalf when someone finally rats this creep out.

Sixteen year old Edward Lynch was working for John as a KFC dishwasher in 1967 when John invited him over to the basement for some beers, a little pool, watch a couple of pornos - you know normal shit for a grown man to do with a teenage employee. Fun-guy stuff! And, to make him an even bigger creep, he invites him over while his wife is still in the hospital after giving birth to their daughter. Class act!

Well, they play a few games of pool, games Gacy clearly lets Edward win, and then John gets mad when Edward won’t take him up on the free blow job. “C’mon! I’m trying to be a nice guy here. Put ya balls in my mouth already!” Even Chikatilo thought the kid was being rude. Did I mention he was in the basement? (Chikatilo) “What is big deal? Why make fuss? You get rude about offer of penis in mouth? I get strange glance when make joke of using soft cock of shame for pool cue. You don’t want wrassle. You, how we say in Russia, real pooper of party!”

So, upset about the blow job refusal, Gacy grabs a carving knife from the kitchen and tells Edward to get in the bedroom. They wrestle on the bed (Chickatilo) “Finally! Some wrassling!” ) and Gacy cuts Edward on the arm, then apologizes, bandages him up, and convinces Edward to watch some porn in the basement with him. Poor Edward. Clearly not the brightest of bulbs. When someone forces you into their bedroom with a knife, and you get away, you leave. Always. You don’t accept their apology and then watch some porn.

Oh - and real quick - for first time listeners - Chikatilo is a real historical person - another sick serial killer - but was not really in Gacy’s basement. Little inside joke that started back in Timesuck 57 this past October. Don’t want you getting hung up on that. Back to the action!

Then, Gacy convinced Edward to let him tie him up, and when Gacy tried to rape and choke him he fought back, pissed himself, and Gacy came somewhat to his senses and drove the boy home.

Well, Edward told some of his friends what Gacy had done, one of whom was Donald Voorhees, Jr. Donald - no relation do Donald McDonald - said that recently he’d had some weird encounters with Gacy. Said Gacy paid him $50 for some scientific sex research he was doing. Over the course of a few months, Gacy had gotten him drunk and gave him blowjobs.

Well, the two kids decided to tell their parents, once of whom, Donald Voorhees, Sr - also no relation to Donald McDonald- is a fellow Jaycee who’s been helping Gacy run for Jaycee President. What was Gacy thinking? Molesting the kid of the guy helping you run for Jaycee office. Dude was a total psycho. The parents go to the police, incredibly no one tries to kill Gacy, and Gacy is charged with sodomy. ** Interesting legal note ** I always assumed sodomy was only anal sex, but legally, this is not the case. I did some digging, and, in Alabama, for example, “sodomy” is listed under the broader title of Deviant sexual intercourse, and “Deviant sexual intercourse” is sexual relations “ between unmarried people involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of the other.”

**Side note on this side note** I did my sodomy research in a Denver Starbucks where I am positive I was creeping out numerous other customers. It was really crowded, there was only one place to sit where my back was to people standing in line to order behind me. Right behind me, like two feet away, and I had various web browser tabs open to serial killer documentaries, pictures of John Wayne Gary dressed up like a clown, and other serial killers, and I hadn’t combed my hair. They had to have thought “We should keep an eye on this guy.” **

The shit you learn with Timesuck. Where else would you find that out?

While awaiting trial for sodomy charges, Gacy tried paying another kid to beat up the Voorhees kid and then that kid got caught and confessed that Gacy had paid him to attack Donald Jr. - no relation to Donald McDonald- and the police put Gacy in jail.

I. Dec. 3rd, 1968: And then, on Dec. 3rd, 1968, Gacy was sentenced to ten years in prison. His wife quickly filed for divorce, his father-in-law immediately cut him out of the family business, and Gacy would never see his two young kids ever again. How humiliating for the father-in-law and his wife. I don’t normally advocate cutting a birth parent out of a kid’s life, but, in this case? Hell yes.

Gacy wasn’t about to let a little incarceration stop his work with the Jaycees. Not sure how he’s not banned from that organization for life. He runs the prison Jaycees chapter. At Christmas he’s the prison Santa Claus. He even wins a “Sound Citizen Award”. He’s such a good guy!

His mom, Queen of Denial, didn’t believe in any of the charges and wrote letters to the prison system asking for leniency and early release. John Sr.’s health had stared to fail, and the family hoped he could get out in time to see good ol’ Pa before he died. Poor dad had gotten so sick he didn’t even have the energy to beat the shit out of his mom anymore.

J. Dec 25 1969: Well, John Jr. didn’t make it out in time. On Christmas day, 1969, he passed away from cirrhosis of the liver. And because he asked God for forgiveness he went straight to Heaven where life is perfect for him and will be blissful forever. That’s how it works, right? Dirtbags get to pull a “Sorry about that!” at the last minute and all is forgiven?

John Sr. Polish accent “Hiya God. Man. Now that I’m a day or so away from dying, I gotta tell yous, I am REAL sorries about the whole punching my wife’s teeth out, and all the other whoopings, and the constant leather whippings and wappings on little Johnny and the whole telling him he was a worthless crybaby queer his entire life. Oh, and being drunk all the time and scaring the shit out of my family and crippling all of them emotionally and what not. So, you knows, my bad. We good? Cool. Thanks God, you’re the fucking best.”

K. June 18, 1970: On June 18th, 1970, John is granted early release. Real early. Dude served only 18 months for repeatedly molesting a teenager. Was finally able to get his high school diploma in prison as well which makes me really doubt his earlier business degree claims. Getting out early after a child sodomy charge. That shit makes me sick. When is this country gonna stop fucking around with sex offenders. Put those motherfuckers in a dark pit and leave ‘em there to rot. And, I know, I know - what if they’re innocent and wrongly incarcerated? Well, can we at least throw repeat offenders into a pit and leave them to rot? They didn’t get framed twice.

Per conditions of his parole, Gacy had to go back to Chicago and live with his mother. He had a curfew and had to check in regularly with his parole officer. He took a job as a short order cook - I’m sure the waitresses loved working with him - and didn’t even make it a year before getting arrested again, charged on February 12, 1971, with sexually assaulting a teenage boy. Took the kid back to his house and tried to rape him before the teen escaped. But when the teen didn’t appear in court the charges were dismissed. And because police agencies didn’t communicate with each other effectively in the days before the internet, his parole officer never found out. Too bad. Lot of lives would’ve been saved had he gone back to prison.

L. October 1971: In October of 1971 his parole ended and Gacy was truly a free man again. Also, he convinced his mom to move to a bigger house, and they moved to Norwood Park Township, an unincorporated area of Cook County just North and outside of Chicago. This house, located at 8213 West Summerdale Avenue, is where Gacy would live until his arrest in December 1978 and where he would commit all his known murders.

Also in 1971, Gacy started dating Cathy Hull, a woman who’d gone to high school with John’s little sister and a woman he had dated when he was 16. She was going through a divorce and John married her in July of 1972 and became a stepdad to her two daughters. What the fuck. She had to have known about his prison time. Why are you dating, as a mom, a dude with a sex offense conviction? I’m sure he convinced her it was all a big misunderstanding. I’m also guessing Cathy Hull is a dumb as a fucking rock. Sorry if she’s a sweet lady, but c’mon. How desperate are you, how dumb are you, and how low is your self esteem when you start dating a convicted sex offender fresh off of parole. How reckless to endanger your kids that way.

John stared a contracting business in 1971 as well - PDM, which stood for Polish Dirtbag Molester, Inc. And people started hiring him to legally molest their boys. Of course not. PDM stood for Painting, Decorating, and Maintenance - and started taking odd jobs in interior design, remodeling, installation, assembly, and landscaping. Business started going well, he got his mom to move out so he and his wife and kids could have the house to themselves, he got his mother-in-law, who had also moved in, to move out as well, and then he went right back to surrounding himself with teenage boys. Just like he used to hire them to work underneath him at KFC, now he’s hiring them to work for him at PDM.

M. 1972: In 1972, two years out of prison, the killings started. His preferred MO would become a “trick” he’d play on his victims over and over. He’d get a boy drunk, then pull out a pair of handcuffs and have the boy cuff Gacy behind his back. Then he’d uncuff himself and tell them he’d show them how to do it. He’d then handcuff their hands behind their back and then show them the key, explaining that the trick was to have the key the whole time. And, then, he’d fuck with them. Sounds like a terrible trick. Sounds worse than the infamous pull my finger fart trick.

Several of the first few victims of this trick luckily lived to talk about it. He handcuffed an early teenage employee with the last name of Edecombe, and then sat on his stomach and choked him for a bit before deciding to let him go. He handcuffed sixteen year old Anthony Antonucci who was able to slip out of one handcuff and fight Gacy off when he tried choking him. Several other local youths would later tell investigators looking into Gacy’s crimes after his later arrest what he’d done to them. He’d handcuffed a bunch, chloroformed some, beaten many, told one kid he’d kill if he didn’t let him perform anal intercourse on him. When he was done he’d dare them to rat him out - he’d tell them no one would believe them.

A teen employee he’d taken on a “business trip” to Florida in 1973 claimed that Gacy raped him in their hotel room and actually showed up at Gacy’s Chicago house and beat the shit out of Gacy in Gacy’s own front yard. Reading that was literally my favorite part of researching this piece of shit. Too bad he didn’t beat him to death. Would’ve made a fantastic ending. Gacy told his wife the kid was mad that Gacy had fired him.

(JWG) “Ah dees kids now! They do a terrible job, you stick one boner in their butt, you fire ‘em, and they haul of and deck yas!”

(Wife) “What did you just say, John?”

(JWG) “Dees kids don’t do a good job, you fire ‘em, and the deck yas!”

(Wife) “No, you said something else.”

(JWG) “Nos I didn’t! Kids don’t want to work hard dees days! They think life is one big walk in the park where yous get a free ride and no one sticks a boner in your butt, you knows?”

(Wife) “There! You said it again!”

Just like he’d done in Waterloo, Gacy had ingratiated himself to the community to give these poor kids more reason to believe no one would think he was the monster they’d now seen first hand. He’d become active in local Democratic Party politics, he’d even meet First Lady Rosalyn Carter in 1978. He’d offer up his PDM employees for Democratic Party use, free of charge. Reminds me of Jim Jones offering his followers to political candidates in San Francisco.

In 1975, he was the director of Chicago’s Annual Polish Constitution Day Parade. Through his membership in a local Moose Club, he got into clowning. As if clowns already didn’t have a bad name!

He joined the Jolly Jokers, a clown club that performed at fundraising events, parades, and at children’s hospitals. He came up with three characters, “Pogo the Clown”, “Patches the Clown”, and “Donald McDonald” Kidding about that last one. I just really like saying Donald McDonald. Sounds like Ronald’s deadbeat brother. Ronald’s out there kicking ass, opening franchises, making that cheeseburger scratch and Donald’s out eating stale fries out of the dumpster.

But Gacy, he really did do a fair amount of clowning, and if Hell is real, JWG is down there entertaining the Devil in his evil clown get up. Interesting note about Gacy’s clown alter egos is that, unlike the rounded makeup lines most clowns use to soften their features and look less scary, Gacy’s clowns had sharp angles that outlined the makeup around his eye and mouth. He was putting that evil out there, right for everyone to see. I bet that piece of shit creeped SO many people out. I bet when he got caught there was a lot more “I fucking knew something was wrong with that guy!” Than there was “Holy shit, really?? John????”

He’d also show up sometimes at one of his favorite local bars, “the Good Luck lounge” still in his makeup and have a few drinks. The guy was so scary in so many ways. I think if a scary looking clown came in and sat next to me I’d quickly finish my drink and take off. Right after getting a pic for Instagram.

I can only wonder what he’d say as a clown. “Heh heh heh! Hey kids! Who wants to see a trick!?! Who wants old Pogo to put some cuffs on you and sit on your chest! Heh! Heh! Heh! Some clowns have a flower that squirts water - MINE SQUIRTS CHLOROFORM! Want to see ol’ Pogo slip on the banana peel?? WELL TOUGH SHIT YOU JAGOFFS! POGO FALLS FOR NO ONE! TIME TO DIE KIDDOS! TIME TO DIE. WE ALL FLOAT DOWN HERE!!!!”

Gacy’s first known murder victim was 16 year old Tim McCoy. Gacy had picked him up at a Greyhound bus terminal the night of Jan. 2nd, 1972 when his wife was out of town. He took the kid on a sightseeing tour of Chicago and then back to his house for some booze. He raped the kid that night and then woke up to the kid, who he didn’t perform the handcuff trick on, coming at him with a knife he’d grabbed from the kitchen. I’m guessing he raped him. He’d say they just had sex, but I don’t think too many people come at you with a knife after a pleasant evening of buggery. After getting cut on the arm Gacy wrestled the knife away from the boy, ended up sitting on the kid’s chest, and stabbed him repeatedly.

He’d later say he had a “mind numbing orgasm” as he killed the kid and realized death was “the ultimate thrill”. Damn. All these serial killers seem to share something similar to this moment Gacy’ just had. After that first kill, they’re generally not repulsed. They feel more alive than ever. Like they’ve just been shown their purpose. Like they’ve just been given a hit of their new favorite drug.

He cleaned up the mess before his wife got home and then buried the kid in the crawlspace beneath his house. He’d end up burying all but his last few victims there.

It’d be two years before John killed again.

N. 1974: In January of 1974, Gacy would kill a kid who would never be identified, again when he was wife wasn’t home. Gacy would claim he couldn’t remember the kid’s name, which may have been true. He’d later claim to have picked up and brought home a few hundred teens, most of whom he’d only met that night, and couldn’t remember who all of them were. Some of the kids he brought back to his house with the promise of being a fun dude who wanted to give them a job, some were teen prostitutes. Other times he pretended to be a police officer and basically ordered them into the car and then handcuffed them. Almost all of them were picked up later in the evening, and most of his victims were killed in the middle of the night.

O. 1975: In 1975, between all the young dudes coming over all the time and finding a bunch of gay porn in the house, Gacy’s wife confronts him about being gay, he confesses, and they divorce and she moves out. Now he has the whole house to himself and the frequency of his killing escalates dramatically. Sadly, neighbors could’ve done so much more to stop it.

One neighbor would later recollect that, for several years, she and her son had repeatedly been awoken by the repeated sounds of muffled screaming, shouting, and crying in the early morning hours, which she and her son had identified as emanating from Gacy’s house. Fuck. Why are people so reluctant to call the police? If you hear muffled screaming from a neighbor’s house - call the fucking police. Call them the first time you hear that. Don’t ever ignore it. What do you think’s going on that isn’t terrible when you hear “muffled screaming”? And if it turns out to be some hardcore BDSM shit, well, okay, now you know.

P. April 6th, 1976: A month after his divorce is finalized, Gacy abducts, handcuffs, and strangles 18 year old Darrel Sampson. And into the crawl space he goes.

Q. May 14th, 1976: Five weeks later, on May 14th, 15 year old Randall Reffett disappears while walking home from Seen High School. Hours later, 14 year old Samuel Stapleton vanishes as he walks home from his sister’s apartment. The bodies of both teens would share the same grave under Gacy’s home.

R. June 3rd, 1976: Less than three weeks later, on June 3rd, 1976, a 17 year old by the name of Michael Bonnin disappears while traveling from Chicago to Waukegan. Gacy would cuff and also strangle him to death and his body would end up in the crawlspace.

S. June 13th, 1976: Ten days later, on June 13th, 1976, Gacy strikes again and 16 year old Willam Carrol meets the same fate. Three additional victims would be killed by August 6th - he’s killing a kid a week now - and they’d all share the same crawlspace grave.

T. July 26th, 1976: On July 26, 1976, Gacy employed an 18-year-old named David Cram. A few years later, on the day Gacy was arrested for murder, Cram would state that Gacy told him he’d killed 33 people. On August 21, Cram moved into his house. He and Gacy would have an odd relationship. The day after moving in, Gacy got Cram drunk pulled the old handcuff trick on Cram and then Gacy swung Cram around while holding the chain linking the cuffs. Gacy then told David that he intended to rape him. Cram was able to kick Gacy in the face and freed himself from the handcuffs. And then, for some reason, he doesn’t immediately move out which is insane to me. Gacy probably gave him his old “joking around” excuses.

(JWG) “Man buddy, you really got all cranked up last night!”

(Cram) “You fucking handcuffed me, swung me around, and told me you were gonna rape me.”

(JWG) “Is that what got you all bent out of shape? I was just fooling! Man - you really can’t take a joke, can you? That’s just how I kid around buddy! That was all just in fun. Didn’t know you were so sensitive buddy!”

Well a month later, Gacy jokes around again and appears at Cram's bedroom door in the middle of the night, telling him again that he’s gonna rape him. It was a good bit the first time, so, why not use it again? He says, "Dave, you really don't know who I am. Maybe it would be good if you give me what I want." Cram has to fight him off again, resisted Gacy's attempts to assault him, and Gacy left his bedroom. After this incident, Cram moves out of Gacy's home. Good call. However, he does still continue to work for Gacy over the following two years. Weird call.

“Hey Dave, you still hanging around John?”

“Kind of. I finally moved out. Got totally fed up with the guy trying to rape me all the time. But, he pays a decent wage, so, you know, we still work together and have lunch from time to time and such. He’s never tried raping me at work or at lunch, so, you know, it’s cool.”

The month after Cram moves out, Gacy kills two more males whose bodies would never be identified.

U. October 24, 1976: Then, on October, 24th, 1976, Gacy pulled another double shift. He picked up two teenagers who were last seen outside a restaurant on Clark Street. They’d share the same crawlspace grave and then just two days later, a 19 year old employee of Gacy named William Bunny would end up in a new grave under Gacy’s bedroom.

Gacy took a vacation from constant raping and murdering in November and then was back at in December. Another PDM employee, 17 year old Gregory Godzik disappeared. His parents would call Gacy and ask him if he knew anything and Gacy told them that Greg had talked to him about wanting to run away from home.

Why was he so compelled to keep killing? Was he just a bloodthirsty psychopath? Or, did he just have a hard time getting a good night’s sleep? Was he just really tired and not thinking clearly all the time? Let’s talk about today’s sponsor.

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Alright. Enough socially conscious goodness. Now back to that piece of shit John Wayne Gacy.

V. January 1977: A month later, on January 20th 1977, 19 year old John Szyc showed up at Gacy’s home to sell him his Plymouth Satellite. He’d end up in the crawlspace and Gacy would sell his car to another youth named Michael Rossi. By March, Gacy would claim two more victims. He’d take April off. And then make up it for in May by killing two unidentified youths on the same day, two kids who’d share the same crawlspace grave.

The Spring he’d also date a woman for a few months, get engaged, and break it off in June. Gotta keep up appearances! Shortly after breaking it off, he cuffed and strangled 19 year old Matthew Bowman to death and into the crawlspace he’d go. He’d kill another six young men in 1977, one of whom, 18 year old Robert Gilroy, was the son of a Chicago police sergeant.

He also was interviewed by Police in 1977 about one of the disappearances he’d created. The kid he’d sold Szyc’s car too, Michael Rossi, got arrested for stealing gasoline and the police traced the car to Gacy’s house because Michael had listed Gacy’s house as his address. He was another PDM worker who had lived with Gacy a little while. Gacy told the cops that Szyc had sold him the car to raise money to leave town and that was that.

W. December 30, 1977 - Robert Donelly’s brief stint in Hell: An incident on Dec. 30th, 1977 would later give investigators a little insight into how many of Gacy’s victims would spend their final hours.

This whole episode has been dark, but this next bit is truly an example of some Super Scary Stuff.

PAUSE SUPER SCARY STUFF INTRO

II. SUPER SCARY STUFF

After a few beers at a friend’s house on the Northwest Side of Chicago, 19 year old Robert Donnelly left a little after midnight and walked to a bus stop. Gacy pulled up, pretended to be a cop, and asked him for identification. When Donnelly leaned in the passenger window to show Gacy his driver’s license, Gacy pulled a gun on him and told him to get in. Donelly obeyed and Gacy cuffed him and drove him to his home, screaming at him to stay quiet whenever he tried to ask why he was being arrested.

Gacy led him, handcuffed into his home, sat him down and then poured himself a drink and started babbling about how no one respected him. About how women only cared about money and a man’s looks. He offered Donnelly a drink and when he refused Gacy just dumped some liquor on his face. He told the kid he didn’t want to shoot him but he would and that his house was soundproof. He un-cuffed him and asked Donnelly to give Gacy his ID. Once the kid did he slid the cuffs back and told Donnelly “I should kill you now” because you don’t respect me either. Once Donnelly had the cuffs back on, Gacy led him to the couch, threw him on his stomach, pulled his pants down and raped him. Donnelly momentarily passed out from the pain and then when he came to Gacy led him to the bathroom where he had filled the tub with warm water. He slipped a rope around his neck and twisted it tight. Then he’d slap Donnelly’s head into the wall and twist the rope even tighter. He kept asking Donnelly if he was having fun. “How does it feel?” “We’re having fun, huh?” Then Gacy knocked out Donnelly’s legs from under him and pushed his head under the bath water, also twisting the rope, until Donnelly passed out. Fuuuuuck. The thoughts that would be going through your head in a moment like this!!

When Donnelly came too he was naked and now his hands were handcuffed behind his back. He was laying on the bathroom floor, the monster Gacy standing above him. Gacy picked him up enough to shove his head back under the bath water, asking again, “We’re having fun, huh?” He held him under until Donelly passed out a second time in the tub. When he woke up again, Gacy was sitting on the toilet and asked, “Looking for me?” Big, shit eating grin on his face. He was LOVING this. Pure evil. Total disregard for the well-being of another human being. Someone who’s done nothing to him.

Gacy showed him some nude photos in a Penthouse magazine and asked him if he liked what he saw. Donnelly was too weak to respond and Gacy kicked him and then threw his face underwater again until he passed out in the tub for a third time.

When he woke up again, Gacy dragged him into his bedroom, where he had a projector projecting some gay porn onto the wall. He told Donnelly he was just in time for the late show and then sat on his back and pulled his head up by his hair so he could see the movie.

When the film was over Gacy wondered aloud what fun game they could play next. He say Donnelly up against a wall and told him they were gonna play Russian roulette. He got out a revolver, spun the chamber, and then pointed the barrel at Donnelly’s head and pulled the trigger. He did it again. Nothing. And again and again until finally the gun went off. It was a blank. Still just fucking with Donnelly. Laughing the whole time. Big belly laughs. Having the time of his laugh. Too bad Bojangles couldn’t swoop into the house at a time like this, three legged, one-eyed, Pitbull mascot of Timesuck, Prophet of Nimrod, and just chew Gacy’s fucking eyes out. Stick a rusty, tin can up Gacy’s ass, one than cut his anus a little more every time he sobbed in pain, untied Donnelly and let the kid kick Gacy around a bit, and then bit down onto Gacy’s balls and dragged him into the crawlspace. Bury that sadistic motherfucker alive with one of the decaying corpses of his victims. If only.

But alas, Bojangles was not there to save anyone. And the cruelty of Gacy only intensified.

He tells Donnelly that he once killed some girls in Schiller Park but that it was way more fun to kill guys. Then he choked Donnelly until he passed out, the fifth time Donnelly had lost consciousness that evening. When Michael woke up he had a gag in his mouth and Gacy proceeded to punch him and anally rape him with a dildo until he passed out from the pain, losing consciousness for a sixth time that terrible evening.

When he came too, Gacy asked him if it was fun to scream when no one can hear you. Gacy took the gag out of his mouth and told him not to scream and started to rape him again with the dildo. Donnelly asked him to just get it over with and kill him. Gacy then took Donnelly back to the bathroom, took the cuffs off and told him to shower ‘cause “he looked rough”, and then held a gun on him while he got dressed, put the cuffs back on him and led him back to the car. Once in the car, he asked Donnelly how it felt, “knowing he was going to die”?

He loved having that power, that control, didn’t he?

And then Gacy drove him downtown. It was the middle of the night at this point, took the cuffs off and dropped in front of a Marshall Field’s store. Told Donnelly if he went to the cops that Gacy would hunt him down, and then added that even if he did go to them, who would believe him?

And so Donnelly lived, after experiencing several hours in Hell, experiencing some seriously Super Scary Stuff.

PAUSE SUPER SCARY STUFF OUTRO

III. Timeline continued. A. Well. Donnelly did go to the police where he recounted what had happened to him and even gave the police his license plate number.

B. January 6, 1978. On the evening of January 6th, 1978, Gacy was arrested at his home on suspicion of deviate sexual conduct. He told investigators that everything Donnelly said was true, except that it had all been consensual. Just some kinky rough sex. An assistant state’s attorney dropped the charges. Just like Gacy had predicted, no one believed Donnelly.

C. Feb. 16th, 1978: A month later, on Feb. 16th, 1978, Gacy would strike again, luring 19 year old William Kindred back to his home where he would be the final victim to be buried underneath Gacy’s home. Gacy wasn’t done killing, he’d just run out of room to bury the bodies.

D. March 1978: In March of 1978, Gacy decided to commit another catch and release crime. He lured 26 year old Jeffrey Rignall into his car, then chloroformed him, took him back to his home, raped him, tortured him with stuff like lit candles and whips, and repeatedly chloroformed him unconscious only to revive him for more rape and torture. And then he dumped him off in Lincoln Park, unconscious but still alive. He also was able to identify Gacy after he staggered to his girlfriend’s house and she called the police. Gacy would be charged with battery and would be awaiting trial for this charge later when he was arrested for murder. The constant chloroforming permanently damaged Rignall’s liver.

E. Remainder of 1978: Gacy would kill five more young men over the course of 1978 until his arrest. He’d dump all five of the bodies into the Des Plaines river off of the I-55 bridge. The extra trouble of disposing of the bodies this way may have slowed down the rate at which he murdered.

F. Dec. 11th, 1978: His last victim was 15 year old Rob Piest, and his decision to snatch Rob from a place he knew people and to do so mid-day would lead to his arrest.

Rob worked at a Des Plaines pharmacy and his boss knew Gacy and had brought him over to talk about a potential PDM remodel on December 11th. Gacy made a comment about paying the teens who worked for him getting $5 an hour, more than twice what the pharmacy made. He said this in earshot of Rob, who was saving up for a car.

Before Gacy left, Rob then went and spoke with Gacy who invited him over to his house to talk about it. Rob called his mom and said that a contractor had offered him a job and he left the pharmacy after his shift and told a co-worker he’d be back soon. And then no one but Gacy ever saw him alive again.

Piest was not the kind of kid who runs away. He was a 15 year old sophomore at Maine West High School. He was hardworking, got good grades, was almost an Eagle Scout, and was an athlete training for his sophomore gymnastics team. He was close to his parents, and the day he went missing his family was celebrating his mom’s 46th birthday. There was no way he’d just miss it. He’d never done anything like that before. He wasn’t a street kid. Wasn’t someone prone to disappearing.

When he didn’t return to the store for his mom to pick him up that evening, his family filed a missing person’s report that led to Gacy, the contractor he’d spoken to who now denied ever meeting him.

Big red flag for local police.

Police were suspicious and looked into Gacy’s background and found the battery charge, the sexual deviancy complaint against him, and eventually found the old sodomy charge and imprisonment and asked Gacy to come in for questioning the next day. When Gacy failed to show up until 2 in the morning - he was supposed to get there by 11PM, and he showed up with his pants covered in mud complaining about some strange undocumented car accident, they got real suspicious and put a surveillance team on him. Turned out he didn’t show up because he still had to get rid of Piest’s body.

G. Dec. 12-22nd: The surveillance team would monitor Gacy day and night for just over a week and more of Gacy’s personality emerged. He’d alternate between telling the police officers he was going to come after them in a defamation suit one minute and inviting them into his house for drinks the next. Officers noted that his house stunk but didn’t initially assume that the reason for the stink was decomposing bodies. On numerous occasions he took the officers out and bought them meals and drinks. In one bar, he’d tell everyone they were his bodyguards. In another, he’d tell everyone it was the FBI harassing them. He’d tell them that not only did he have no idea where Rob Piest was, but that he’d hired a private investigator himself to find the kid. He’d be super buddy buddy one moment telling the cops how much he respected police officers, and then he’d tell them that he had mob connections, guys that wouldn’t hesitate to kill a cop if they messed with their buddy Gacy. Guys he couldn’t control. On at least two occasions, when talking about his clown characters - the numerous paintings of clowns inside his house just to make victims’ final hours that much more terrifying - he said, “You know, clowns can get away with murder.” Now - he was referring to tales of being able to fondle women while in clown get up - he was always talking about how many broads he was banging - classic closet homosexual speak - but still, pretty ballsy.

He was also telling friends that the police had nothing on him and I think he really believed it. He was so fucking cocky. He’d gotten away with so many murders, he felt untouchable. Felt like he’d always be able to out smart the cops and the tales of some of his victims.

Meanwhile, the police had now confiscated some of his vehicles including an Oldsmobile he’d driven Rob Piest home in. A police German Sheppard that specialized in body retrieval indicated that Rob had for sure been in the car. Investigators obtained a search warrant and went through Gacy’s home. During the first search they found old IDs from missing people, a blood stained carpet, and tons of sex toys and porn. They found books with titles like, “Tight Teenagers”, and Pederasty: Sex Between Men and Boys”. So fucked up. They found chloroform. But they couldn’t link any of the blood to any actual person and couldn’t find a body or anything related to Rob Piest. So they didn’t make an arrest. Not at first.

Former PDM employees including Michael Rossi and David Cram were brought in and questioned, and they talked about trenches they had dug in the crawl space. Trenches the size of graves. Huge red flag.

On December 20th, feeling like charges were going to be brought against him, Gacy confesses to his attorneys to killing between 25-30 people. He still feels like his lawyers will get him off and life will go back to normal. Feels like he only killed people society didn’t care about anyway. Somehow he still refuses to identify as being gay. It’s the victims who were gay and that’s why it was good to get rid of them. His old man would be proud. In reality, a lot the boys and men Gacy raped and killed were straight.

The insane realities some people create for themselves.

After leaving his lawyer’s on the 20th, Gacy started to crack up. He handed some weed to a gas station attendant in front of a surveillance officer, telling the kid working that “these guys are going to kill me”. He visited a fellow contractor and friend, Ronald Rhode, hugged him, and told him, “I killed thirty people, give or take a few.” He visited his father’s grave along with old employee David Cram, and told Cram he’d told his lawyers he’d killed over thirty people. Cram told police, the police got a second search warrant, started digging in the crawl space, and the second they found the first of nearly thirty bodies buried under the house, they arrested John Wayne Gacy and charged him with murder. H. Dec. 22 1978: In the early hours of Dec. 22nd, 1978, shortly after being arrested after police found that first body, Gacy told police he’d killed between 25 and 30 men, all of whom he claimed were teenage runaways or male prostitutes - a lie.

He told them he had planned to further conceal the bodies under his house by covering the whole space with concrete in early 1979. Good thing he never made it that far. God knows how many more kids he would’ve killed. He confessed to dumping Rob Piest’s body in the Des Plaines river.

I. Dec. 22-29, 1978: Between Dec. 22nd and Dec. 29th, 27 bodies were recovered from Gacy’s property. Two additional bodies were found in March after the dig was suspended due to Winter weather.

Three additional bodies were found in the Des Plaines river between June and December 1978 were attributed to Gacy. The 33rd victim attributed to Gacy was never found.

Dental records were used to identify many of the victims buried underneath his home. Some were found with bags over their heads. They were asphyxiated, not strangled.

To date, eight victims of Gacy’s have never been identified.

J. February 6, 1980: On February 6, 1980, John Wayne Gacy is charged with 33 murders.

K. March 12, 1980: On March 12th, Gacy was found guilty of 33 counts of murder. The jury took only two hours to deliberate. He was given the death penalty for the 12 murders committed after Illinois reinstated the death penalty in June of 1977. His initial date of execution was set for June 2nd, 1980.

May 9th, 1994: In the morning of May 9, 1994, after numerous failed appeals, Gacy was transferred from the Menard Correctional Center in Chester Illinois to the Stateville Correctional Center in Crest Hill to be executed. He was taken to the execution room late that evening For his last meal, Gacy ordered a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Seriously. Of course he did. Probably brought back fond memories of employees he’d molested. What a piece of shit. He also ordered a dozen fried shrimp, french fries, fresh strawberries, and a Diet Coke. And if I was the prison cook I would’ve been seriously tempted to the burn the fuck out of all of that.

After being given a lethal injection, he was confirmed to dead at 12:58 AM, May 10th, 1994. Roughly 1,000 people cheered on his death outside the facility, some wore t-shirts that said stuff like, “No tears for the clown.” I really like that one.

Gacy’s final words were “kiss my ass”. A true scumbag piece of shit, right to the bitter end. If only he could’ve gotten the painful, drawn out death he deserved.

And that takes us out of this Timesuck Timeline.

PAUSE TIMESUCK TIMELINE OUTRO

III. Continuing Gacy Narrative. A. So, John Wayne Gacy. What a scary, scary bastard. The first thing I wondered, after reading all this shit about him was, what the Hell, psychologically, was wrong with this guy?

Well, he tried to claim an insanity defense and an extensive psych eval was done on him, and here’s what the doctors came up with:

1. Arthur Hartman, Chief Psychologist of the Psychiatric Institute, the Cook County Court’s forensic clinic, found Gacy to be, “very egocentric and narcissistic with a basically antisocial, exploitative orientation. One reflection of this is his development of a technique of ‘conning’ or misleading others in his business or personal dealings.’

Harman found Gacy’s “severe underlying psychosexual conflict and confusion of sexual identity” most significant.

Gacy at first tried to claim multiple personalities. He didn’t kill those boys, his alter ego, “Jack Hanley” did! Damn you Jack! Funny that he would use the name “Jack” for his alter ego. Gacy HATED to be called a “jagoff”. Investigators would call him that if they wanted to get a rise out of him or shake him up. His dad called him a “jagoff” all the time as a kid. Hartmann didn’t buy his multiple personality bullshit. He felt this was a “conscious evasive device” and that “no scientifically valid division in consciousness could be observed between John Gacy and ‘Jack Hanley’.

Hartmann’s diagnostic impression of Gacy was a “psychopathic (antisocial) personality, with sexual deviation and hysterical personality and minor compulsive and paranoid personality elements.”

And, Dr. Hartmann felt that the underlying cause of Gacy’s personality was chemical, specifically it was the chemical found in the secret recipe of KFC’s original recipe chicken that turned Gacy from a weak momma’s boy into a killer. Damn you KFC! Gacy was actually able to sue his former father-in-law from death row and bankrupted the guy after winning a 300 million dollar lawsuit. That’s also why the media gave Gacy the nick name of “Cock-A-Doodle-Clown”. That’s he got the catch phrase of “Finger Licking Dead”. That’s why he started to refer to himself, in his final days, as the “Drumstick of Death”.

Of course that’s not true. But - how insane would it be if eating too much KFC could turn you homicidal? Would you still grab a bucket of that delicious chicken from time to time? Still grab a biscuit hear and there and lather it up with some fake butter and probably real honey?

Other doctors who examined Gacy largely came to similar conclusions - that he was faking multiple personalities, for example. And one doctor felt that, regarding his past heart issues, and childhood feinting and seizures, that he had no “real physical illness of any magnitude.” He believed anxiety brought all of that on. Daddy was right Gacy - you’re faking it! You’re faking it you little faker jagoff.

Another psychiatrist, Dr. Richard G Rappaport, found Gacy to have a “borderline personality organization with the sub type of psychopathic personality and with episodes of and an underlying paranoid schizophrenia.” The paranoid schizophrenic element, Rappaport concluded, was not dominant, and only appeared during “particularly stressful conditions.” Gacy fit the following borderline personal disorder definition, according to Rappaport: “Intense affect (such as angry eruptions in an impulsive manner), usually hostile or depressed … the depression characterized by loneliness rather than guilt or shame… a history of impulsive behavior… a lack of integrated identity or self-concept, difficulty with self-image and gender identity… superficial interpersonal and chaotic sexual relations… use [of] primitive ego-defense mechanisms, such as splitting, projective identification and gross denial.”

Rappaport supported his diagnosis of psychopathic personality by attributing these characteristics to Gacy: “Unusual degree of self- reference… great need to be loved and admired… exploitative… charming on the surface, cold and ruthless underneath… noticeable absence of feeling of remorse or guilt… history of continuous and chronic antisocial behavior.”

Yep - that last one works for me after what we now know about Gacy. Dude was a psychopath. No remorse. Great need to be admired - hence all the volunteering and being in charge of teens. Charming on the surface and cold and ruthless underneath seems to really sum him up.

I kept wondering, as I looked through his crimes, “Would he have killed all those men and boys if his dad would’ve been kind, loving, and accepting of his obvious homosexuality?” And I gotta say, I don’t think he would’ve become a killer. He might’ve still ended up a kinky dude with a weird interest in clowns, he might’ve still been a weird braggart who needed to be the big man about town - but I doubt even that. If his dad had loved him and not been an abusive piece of shit, he wouldn’t of needed to prove himself. It seemed like his adult life was, in public, trying to be the big, hardworking, well liked ladies man that his dad would’ve admired. And then, in private, hating his homosexuality so much that he killed it over and over, hating the part of him that maybe he felt kept his father from loving him.

Interesting note is that he would never claim to hate his father, not ever. Never tried to blame his dad for anything. It’s like he chose to side with his father’s verdict: that weak, mama’s boy queers were disgusting, and he’d prove it by giving them what they wanted. By fucking them and then killing them because that kind of man’s life didn’t have value anyway.

He did feel, in various police interviews, that he was doing society a favor. He was getting rid of undesirables. What’s extra messed up, is that a lot of the dudes he killed, partly for being gay, like the last victim Rob Piest, weren’t gay. He just projected that on them.

But that’s just speculation. That’s what I think. What does the inter web think? Let’s find out, with some Idiots of the Internet.

PAUSE IDIOTS OF THE INTERNET INTRO

IV. Idiots of the Internet A. Under a video titled “John Wayne Gacy Rope Trick”, a short news clip of Gacy in prison demonstrating the type of knot he used to strangle his victims, Youtube User Tyler Yarbrough, posts something equal parts adorable and idiotic:

“Guys like him piss me off he hurt and muredered incent boys I am 17 and it piss me off and I am writing a paper to stop creeps like him from happening again”

I love that Tyler is going to put an end to all of this with a paper. That is gonna be some paper!

“Hey guys, isn’t it crazy that there hasn’t been a serial killer in over a decade? Nuts, right? Not a single teen boy has gone missing, either. I wonder why?”

“Oh, you don’t know about Tyler’s paper? He got rid of all those creeps. Here we had law enforcement and counselors and this, that, ad the other trying to deal with crime and crime prevention, and all it took was Tyler writing a letter asking those creeps to knock it off.”

Oh Tyler. Don’t ever change buddy, don’t ever change.

B. Under the same video, we have amateur detective and professional idiot, User Kewkabe, who posts: “If Gacy murdered all those people, he would have kept murdering in prison because it's full of young males like the victims. He didn't, because the truth is, Gacy had nothing to do with the murders. All of his employees had access to his house and any one of them could have put the bodies there. The real murderer is still walking free.”

Wow. So much dumb here. Hard to decide what to address first.

Actually, Kewkabe, prison is not full of young teens, the age of many of Gacy’s victims. It’s overwhelmingly mostly adults over the age of 18. It’s not Gacy wandering around unsupervised with a bunch of 15 year olds. I don’t know what weird movies you’ve been watching to make you think otherwise.

And, Gacy tricked his victims into wearing handcuffs before strangling them. Pretty sure he doesn’t get to hang out unsupervised in prison with teens and also get his own pair of handcuffs.

Oh, and Gacy confessed his crimes to multiple people. And DNA evidence linked him to the killings. Why, after all of that, would you still think it wasn’t him? I know - you’re an idiot. Sadly, like most idiots, Kewkabe thinks he’s a genius. He doubles down on his conclusion with another post: “He never confessed and he had no idea where the bodies were as is proven because it took them weeks to find them. They asked him where they "might" have been and he finally (after a three day sleepless interrogation) suggested places based on where he knew the supporting posts were in his house (he was in construction after all)”

Um… what? Of course he didn’t just tell the police where the bodies were you stupid fuck. He was still trying to not go to prison. Who, when the police start investigating them for murder, immediately tells police where the bodies are?

“You’ll never catch me coppers!! You got nothing!”

“Where are the bodies, Gacy?”

“The bodies? They’re in my crawlspace, why do you ask? Oh, damnit!”

Youtube user Corey Sturner is as confused by KewKabe as I am, posting: “lol why r u defending JOHN WAYNE FUCKING GACY, dude!!!? are u fuckin serious right now. are u related? was he your friend?!”

Well said Corey, well said. And, well, KewKabe has an answer: “I have no connection to him. I just seek the TRUTH which is that he did not do these murders.”

Truth - in all caps! That’s all KewKabe is after. And he’s so much smarter than the rest of us he’s come to a conclusion that investigating detectives, prosecutors, a jury, psychiatrists, and even Gacy himself missed - that someone else did it! 50% chance at least that KewKabe is a Flat Earther. Another dummy who thinks he’s smarter than the actual experts in what he’s talking about. Moron.

Or maybe he’s just a troll, and, in that case, well done. Thanks for the laughs. Before moving on - I do want to address the rampant web speculation that an accomplice or accomplices were involved in some of the killings. There doesn’t seem to be any actual credence to that theory. It doesn’t fit Gacy’s style for one thing. He had employees and friends in and out of that house during the time he killed, but, if anything, they seemed to be other people he also victimized in some way or thought about victimizing. All kinds of tales of temporary roommates he tried to rape or got into some kind of struggle with. One guy would tell police he slept with is pants on because Gacy would sneak in his room and try to slide it in him. Some roommate.

Alright, one more idiot. User Palomino verops posts: “another serial killer hoax… 33 huh your freemason number.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Gacy is part of the Freemason conspiracy? This complete moron thinks that all the evidence about Gacy out there - the interviews, the trials, the interviews with victims families, interviews with victims who got away, stories told by former employees, friends, and family members of Gacy, months of excavating bodies from Gacy’s crawlspace in front of thousands and thousands of witnesses. All the police reports, all the body identifications, all the journalists who reported on Gacy over the years - ALL LIES!!!! ALL OF THEM ARE PART OF THE FREEMASON AGENDA TO, UM, YOU KNOW, DISTRACT US WITH SERIAL KILLERS, SO THEY CAN GET BUSY, UM, YOU KNOW, FREEMASONING AND STUFF!! Don’t you see it!?! Think about it! The number 33! It can’t be a coincidence! Damn you Freemasons! Damn you illuminati! Damn you reptilian overlords!

Dear Palomino. Please, shut the fuck up, get off the internet go the library, and read, read, read. Learn, learn, learn - until you are no longer an idiot of the internet.

PAUSE IDIOTS OF THE INTERNET OUTRO

V. Conclusions A. So, that’s what the idiots think. Before we get to takeaways, I don’t want to forget to mention that all of Gacy’s evil did actually lead to something good.

Gacy’s crimes inspired the Missing Child Recovery Act of 1984. Sam Amirante, one of Gacy’s defense attorneys, helped champion and write the Missing Child Recovery Act. He said his primary motivation was that at the time of the Gacy murders, there was a 72 hour period police had to wait after a child went missing before they could investigate. His new act removed this waiting period. And then, after it was passed in Illinois, other states adopted similar legislation, and then a national network to locate missing kids emerged, a network that developed in something called the Child Abduction Emergency aka the Amber Alert.

So, at least that jagoff Gacy’s crimes lead to the Amber Alert, which has saved almost 900 children since he was captured as of the most recent government statistics. Nice to know there is at least somewhat of a silver lining to his horrible story.

Now, let’s back on the darkness that is Gacy with some Top Five Takeaways.

PAUSE TOP FIVE TAKEAWAYS INTRO

VI. Top Five Takeaways 1. John Wayne Gacy sexually assaulted, tortured and murdered at least 33 teenage boys and young men between 1972 and 1978 in Cook County, Illinois.

2. Gacy buried 28 of his victims in the crawl space of his home, and investigators could smell the stench of rotting flesh when they investigated Gacy before capturing. Dude slept above 28 of his rotting victims. And occasionally dressed up as a clown and volunteered at children’s functions during the day while their babies lay beneath him. He was the personification of evil.

3. Gacy spent 14 years on death row before he was executed by lethal injection at Stateville Correctional Center on May 10, 1994. He had KFC for his last meal - a little nod to his old life when he managed three KFC franchises in Waterloo, Iowa.

4. Gacy’s father beat him as a child, mocked his masculinity, and once punched his mom’s teeth out in front of him. So, you know, if you’re a dad, maybe don’t do shit like that? It’s not nice, and, you might end up raising a future serial killer.

5. New info! While in prison for murder and on death row, Gacy took up painting to pass the time, and created a ton of clown artwork. Seriously. He made a whole bunch of clown paintings. One was titled Pennywise the Clown. How fucked up is that? He’s in prison, convicted of killing boys, and he creates a painting of Pennywise, the clown from Stephen King’s IT, known for killing children. Dude truly didn’t have an ounce of remorse in him, did he? Also, the character of Pennywise was inspired by John Wayne Gacy. It was written in the early 80s, shortly after Gacy was captured and his clowning would have been well known by Stephen King. Art imitating life, reimagined again as art by the life who initially inspired it.

You can buy Gacy’s artwork online if you want to. He gave it away to various admirers of his work, and his original paintings sell from anywhere from a few thousand dollars per piece to over 10,000 dollars. Fucked up, but, at least he isn’t getting that money.

PAUSE TOP FIVE TAKEAWAYS OUTRO

VII. Final Announcements.

A. Episode 68 - first one of 2018 - has been sucked.

Time for those extra announcements before some Timesucker Updates.

First one - For the first time ever, there is going to be a live Space Lizard event. It’s happening in February and it’s happening in Couer d’Alene, Idaho at the Suck Dungeon. The first ever little mini- Timesuck gathering. It’s being called a Space Lizards Elite private event, and for the details on how to score an invitation, follow @secretspacelizards on Instagram. Our event coordinator, Harmony Vellekamp, will be announcing how to win this Friday, January 5th, right after this week’s bonus suck episode. It’s gonna be so fun. A small, exclusive event for diehard Timesuckers only where we will get to hang, talk the Suck, and have a blast.

If you don’t already, listen to Timesuck on the Timesuck App. You can get from both the Apple and Android app stores. Create a username in preparation for becoming a Space Lizard - a premium sucker - now only a month away! Show notes for each episode are currently on the app. The app has a great podcast player. There are descriptions of many of the Timesuck characters. If you’re new, and wondering who the Hell Bojangles is, you can read his bio on the app and find out.

You can write into the show directly from the app. Easy link to the store and more all right there on the app. Easy links to sponsor deals.

Thanks to The Bit Elixir for building it. They tell me they are making good progress on the upcoming initial Space Lizard features. In February, adding a topic voting system so premium listeners can pick two episodes each month. Space Lizards can upvote and down vote topics - picking two Monday topics a month. Two topics chosen by the Space Lizards. The will of Nimrod will be felt! Space Lizards control the fate of the suck as they control all of our lives.

The app and the website will be the only places where you can stream or download episodes of the Secret Suck! The Secret Suck is the new Space Lizard podcast where you can send voice messages through the app into the show and be heard. I’ll play numerous messages each episode, answer questions, discuss prior episodes, and of course, check in with David Icke each week - he who fears the world is being controlled by Space Lizards, the conspiracy theorist whose greatest fear is being monitored by a secret group of Space Lizards. A man, who beginning in February, really will be monitored by a group of people known as Space Lizards. Art imitating life on the Suck! When I tell people about the Secret Suck - I say to imagine the relationship between the Talking Dead and the Walking Dead. It’s a show about a show, a show for real fans.

Getting the first piece of exclusive Space Lizard merch that only Space Lizards can buy developed and printed right now. We’re gonna have a legit secret clubhouse.

And you’ll get all this for $5 a month! You’ll get a weekly Secret Suck episode, exclusive merch access, the ability to vote on Monday topics, a 20% discount on non-lizard merch, AND you’ll get a brand new new standup album!!

I have two new albums of previously unrecorded material coming out in the next month. One, called Maybe I’m the Problem, is currently set to debut on Pandora on Jan. 24th. I’ll have more details on that soon. I’ll have a link where even non-premium Pandora users can listen to the album’s tracks in order.

And I have another new album, called Feel the Heat, that you can only get by signing up for a premium membership. And you’ll be able to sign up soon through Patreon to become a Space Lizard. Getting that set up soon and then I’ll share details.

And if enough of you sign up and become Space Lizards, I will be able to continue to add more features to the app and really build the community of the Cult of the Curious. It’s up to you. I’d love to add a message board - a place for discussions to be had and friendships to be built. Get that dating site down the road someday. And if at least 2000 Space Lizards sign up, that will give me the funds to continue to have a full time employee, an office to record in, and the money to keep building out the app. I’m so excited to see where we can take this in 2018. The more headlines I read, everywhere from the Huffington Post to Fox News, the more I realize how important it is to stay curious, seek real truths, and not just double down on what polarizing news sources tell us to believe. The more Timesuckers I meet, the more I want to make this bigger and better.

So that’s that.

Also, the Timesuck store is, as of this moment at least, completely restocked! Yay! First time in probably six or eight weeks.

The first four generations of the Timesuck shirt have been restocked. Also - new hoodies and pullovers and a new Hail Nirmrod shirt. Cult of the curious shirt and some ladies shirts are also finally in the store as well! And the new ladies Hail Nimrod and Cult of the Curious shirts are crew necks, just like you many of you lady suckers asked for. Sorry that I thought they were v necks. I’d asked for crew necks, thought I was accidentally given v necks, but did get the crew necks. There are v necks in the ladies Bojangles shirts. Trying my best to get you all the cuts you want.

So many exotic animal skin products now in the store. A humming bird feather pullover, an Arctic Fox Tail skin zip up hoodie. Elderly, starved 251% mole skin shirts. 213% Koala Anus shirts. 100% imported unicorn scrotum shirts. Shirts made from imported Muskrat labia. From domestic Bald Eagle head feathers. And so much more.

Thanks to Danger Brain for the new items! Love working with them! Danger Brain also just killed it with the cover design for the new album debuting on Pandora, “Maybe I’m the Problem”. They’re designing the new Feel the Heat album cover. Danger Brain also desired the new Secret Suck tee shirt and the new Secret Suck logo, and it looks amazing. Check those guys out at the danger brain dot com. Amazing designers you should work with. Use Danger Brain for any design or logo projects. I know some Timesuckers have already started working with them.

B. So very close to having all the Timesuck episodes up on Youtube. If only I wasn’t so busy! Able to kick my new employee up to full time though, so we’re gonna be organized as fuck here soon. I hope. A year ago I had roughly ZERO business skills. And then this show started to grow, and I’ve been learning as I go.

Special thanks to Timesuckers Jillian Silva, Damien Savorgino, Aubrie Cardei, Mandy Martin, Hannah Carpenter, John Bishop and anyone else I missed for suggesting today’s topic.

Thanks to Sydney Shives for killing it on social media and Harmony Vellekamp for all of her kick ass positive energy help on social media as well. Amazing ladies! Thanks to Jesse Dobner for the editing help on this one. Email Jesse at [email protected] to hire him for editing. I wish I knew half as much about grammar rules as he did.

Thanks to Josh Krell for his continual help, and thanks to all of you who write in, listen, spread the word, buy merch, come to shows, and make this show possible.

C. NEXT WEEK: This Friday - some Bonus Suck! There was a big vote on Instagram this past week - @timesuckpodcast The choices were the secret society of the Freemasons, cult leader David Koresh, and psychiatrist Sigmund Freud. And here’s how the votes broke down.

Third place: Sigmund Freud with 134 votes.

Second place: David Koresh and the Branch Davidian compound with 194 votes.

First place: In a landslide, it’s the Freemasons with 438 votes.

For future bonus votes, follow the show on Instagram @timesuckpodcast

So this Friday, at Noon PDT, we suck on the Freemasons. A fraternal organization that goes back to the stonemasons. Or does it? Lot of mystery about the Freemasons. Does it begin in London in 1717? Does it go back to Biblical times? Or even earlier? And what, exactly, do Freemasons do? Do they control the fate of society? Or do they sit around, have a few drinks and shoot the shit? Or somewhere in between? Do they have anything to do with the occult? Or, is it more of a clubhouse akin to what we’re building here with Timesuck? I’m gonna find out all I can between now and Friday.

And now - Timesucker Updates! PAUSE TIMESUCKER UPDATES

VIII.Timesucker Updates A. The first update today comes in from a Timesucker by the name of Shane. And Shane wrote in to let me know how much he appreciates not only this show, but the rest of you - the community. He writes:

“Hey this is shane again, im that guy that sent in about the life preparation class a few weeks back...well i have some news...i wasn’t sure if you were aware but there is a group chat called timesuckers united on the LINE messaging app ran by your very own harmony vellekamp(i think thats how you spell it). This group chat has united me with other people that share my purpose of curiosity and learning(also a few memes here and there) and in this chat i found some new friends. They all go by various pun names based on your episodes. This group has over thirty members including people like @ToastyBuns, @FlatEarthTourGuide, BTKincaid and harmony a.k.a @secretspacelizard and me @ToastWhisperer. I find it awesome that i can come home from school and find over 250 messages from these people and be able to understand everything they are talking about. I also like to refer to these people as the inner circle because i know some of them actually speak to you personally which i am totally jealous of btw. Just thought id make sure you knew that you have a community of people out their and we mutually love what you do. Thanks master sucker.

P.s. since i sent in that message about the preparation class some kids actually started a petition against it. I of course didn’t sign it though. Merry Christmas master sucker and a happy new year... hail nimrod!”

1. Well Happy New to you too Shane you beautiful bastard! And Hail Nimrod! I love that you are getting so much out of speaking with fellow Timesuckers. That was my hope for this little journey, and I hope it’s just the beginning. Feels nice to be part of a tribe not based on political or religious or non-religious beliefs. A tribe not based on color or age or sex or sexual orientation. Just based on curiosity and being, for lack of a better word, cool about life. I love it so, so much.

To join Line, download the Line app, and then go @SecretSpaceLizards to get the QR code to join the group that Harmony has set up.

And no, I didn’t even know about this group. I’m so deep in research and creating new standup most of the time I can barely keep up with Instagram. My brain moves to slow to keep up with constant posting.

But I love that Harmony has created this and I hope more people join. Hope to be working with Harmony a ton in 2018 creating more of a community - she’s so good at that.

B. Next update comes in from Timesucker and majestic human Chaim (Ha-yim) Shollar! Chaim writes in saying:

“Hail Nimrod! Hey there King Cummins, been wanting to contact you for a while, but after listening to the Einstein episode, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. Chaim (Ha-yim) Weizmans first name (and mine) is pronounced Ha-yim with a sort of throat clearing sound at the beginning. Also, knesset is pronounced K'nesset, the k is not silent. Also wanted to say that your podcast has kept me company while commuting back and forth to school a few times a week, I've been a huge fan of yours for years, and I love that you do this. As a religious jew, I love that I can disagree with some of your views, and not only feel like I respect you, but that you would treat me with the same respect. My parents taught me to always respect the people around me and the ways in which they choose to lead their lives. I think if we all treated each other the way that you espouse on this show, the world would be a better place. Thanks so much for keeping me curious. I've been spreading time suck around to all my family and friends, including my brother who lives overseas, which gives us something to bond over, we used to listen to your stand up pretty much on a loop when he was still home. Also hope to catch you when you come out to NYC soon. Sorry if this was long winded, just so thrilled to be a member of the cult of the curious... Keep on Suckin'!

Yes! I love it (Ha-yim) Thanks for the pronunciation tips. So many language origins out there. So many cultures. So any regional dialects. So much to learn. Hope you liked the Einstein episode. And yes, you’re right, I would respect you and your views. I feel like I do respect other’s views, as long as those views aren’t ignorant, such as the views discussed in the Idiots of the Internet segment. I respect religious views as long as their not overtly harmful, which is why Scientology disgusts me - to me it’s a manipulative cult posing as a religion, and I won’t endorse it. But, I would still hear a Scientologist out and I wouldn’t personally attack someone who happens to be a member. I just think the institution is malicious.

Anyway, I am very glad that you can agree to disagree and still enjoy what I do. The world needs more of you Ha-yim. It’s funny. I know the throat clearing is the appropriate pronunciation, but I feel like I’m being disrespectful somehow when I do it. Like I’m trying to hard or something. But I am trying!

C. Totally weird update for this next one, from Timesucker Tom Hansen, who wrote in with a clown update from episode 5, which seems fitting this week with Gacy. Tom says:

“This is probably a super old update or such to do but I think scientifically on time suck 5 the clown one that clowns are so scary is the stereotype that the bigger the shoe size you have the bigger your penis and the bigger your car the smaller your penis (think clown cars) so no wonder every one is afraid of them. Although this could be my sleep deprived mind at 3am.”

Tom - I think this update did come from your sleep deprived mind, and I love it. So, because clowns shoes are so big, we’re afraid of how big their penises are, and because of how many clowns can fit inside one car, we’re afraid of how small their penises are? Or do both the car and shoes point to a big penis? I’m a little confused. Maybe the fear comes from the sheer unpredictability of clown penis size. They can be so huge or so tiny. And, are the painted? Do they have a little red clown nose stuck to the tip? So many clown ween questions.

D. And, last one, another Einstein update from Sucker Thomas Fogg, who understands some of Einstein’s teachings better than I do, so I thought it would be nice to share this. Thomas writes in:

“Hey Dan,

I’m not complaining about issues with the way you did the episode or the facts in so I guess it’s not technically an update, but I did just want to fill you in on some of the topics related to Einstein that you have said you know little about.

First and foremost, I just want to say that the unifying theory of everything is a culminating theory between quantum and Astrophysics. It’s something that Einstein was attempting to work on mathematically and it’s what Steven Hawking is currently working on. To simplify it, there is a way that subatomic particles (like electrons, protons, neutrons, etc.) act that makes no sense on the scale of say a person (for example, they can exist in a quantum state which, to overly simplify that, means that they can exist in multiple states at once. A bit, for example, is a piece of electronic information that exists in one of two binary states, either 1 (on) or 0 (off). A quibit can exist in a combination of the two states so it can actually have a value of say 5 as one piece of information). And there are ways that “heavenly bodies” act that also don’t quite work with the way us humans go through our day-to-day lives. The problem is that these worlds have very different rules, so the universe exists as a paradoxical mashing of a giant place made with tiny building blocks that don’t follow the same rules as individuals. I know that was a lot, but to sum it up simply: both big and little are complicated, but they are complicated in their own ways that are mutually exclusive to each other.

When it came to the math issue that Einstein carelessly made with the difference between an irrational number and an imaginary number, both are actually easy to explain. And irrational number is a number that is so far from an integer value (whole numbers like 1, 2, 3, etc.) that the number functionally goes on forever (pi is a good example). And imaginary number is the square root value of a negative number. The number “i” (usually shown in italics) in imaginary math is the value representation of the square root of negative one. Believe it or not, imaginary numbers are used every day in electrical engineering.

There were a couple of other things that you didn’t know about that I can’t recall right now, but the important thing I want you to know is that it didn’t detract from the episode. If anything, listing the accomplishments of a man in a way where you yourself don’t understand as a 21st century educated male with the benefit of the internet and an arguably better education system only goes to show how truly and uniquely gifted this man was that was born more than 100 years ago. I was a kid always interested in physics, especially theoretical, and my physics and AP physics teacher was a creationist who seemed more interested in finding a job rather than knowing about science. I get having terrible teachers and having teachers be mad at you for asking questions, even for the benefit of the other kids present and not necessarily yourself.

I know I’m rambling so I’ll end this long and overly complicated email shortly. I just wanted you to always be curious, especially when it’s a topic you have trouble grasping, and to keep on sucking. I always looks forward to Monday (and of course occasionally Friday) and I look forward to becoming a space lizard. Again, from the nerd with too much free time on his hands, -Thomas Fogg

Thanks Thomas - you’re a wonderful nerd and I appreciate the nerd enlightenment. Thanks for making the rest of us a little bit smarter.

PAUSE TIMESUCKER UPDATES IX. Goodbye! A. Thanks for listening everybody. Follow the suck on social media - @timsuckpodcast on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Happy New Year! Have a great week, listen again on Friday, don’t bury anyone in your crawlspace or anywhere else for that matter, and keep on sucking! http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1996-08-05/news/9608050075_1_serial- killers-john-wayne-gacy-fights-monsters https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portage_Park,_Chicago https://www.domu.com/chicago/history-map/john-wayne-gacys-childhood- home https://www.prairieghosts.com/gacy.html https://www.huntsvilledefenselawyer.com/sexual-abuse-charges/sodomy/ #legal%20definition http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-john-wayne-gacy- victim-haakenson-20170719-story.html https://www.thoughtco.com/last-words-famous-criminals-before- execution-970951 http://didyouknowfacts.com/creepy-artwork-serial-killer-john-wayne-gacy/ https://www.ranker.com/list/facts-about-john-wayne-gacy/ amandasedlakhevener? var=3&utm_expid=16418821-322.aCGzpiECRI6K2_CYUZm8eA. 2&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F https://www.amberalert.gov/statistics.htm

Primary book source: Killer Clown: The John Wayne Gacy Murders by Terry Sullivan, Peter T. Maiken.