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Negotiations of Sexual Identity and Professional Identity

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Negotiations of Sexual Identity and Professional Identity “Do I really want to do this now?” Negotiations of Sexual Identity and Professional Identity: An Intergenerational Collaboration with Six Gay and Lesbian K-12 Music Educators by Sarah Marie Minette A Dissertation Presented in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree Doctor of Philosophy Approved October 2018 by the Graduate Supervisory Committee: Margaret Schmidt, Chair Jill Sullivan Sandra Stauffer Stephen Paparo ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY December 2018 In the case of silence, each of us draws the face of her own fear-fear of contempt, of censure, of some judgment, or recognition, of challenge, of annihilation. But most of all, I think, we fear the visibility without which we cannot truly live. For we have been socialized to respect fear more than our own needs for language and definition, and while we wait in silence for that final luxury of fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us.—Audre Lorde If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.—Desmond Tutu i ABSTRACT LGBTQ research in music education has become more available and accepted in the past ten years. LGBTQ studies in music education have focused on how gay and lesbian music educators negotiate their identities, the role of music education in the lives of transgender students, and the inclusion of LGBTQ issues in music teacher education programs. Studies have been limited to a singular content experience, such as gay vocal music educators or lesbian band directors. Additionally, studies have not explored multiple generations of LGBTQ music educators. The purpose of this study was to explore the lives as lived of six K-12 music teachers. Six individuals, from various career points, various generations, and various career paths shared their stories with me. To guide my analysis, I considered the following questions: • How do lesbian and gay music educators describe their sexual identity and professional identity? • How do gay and lesbian music educators negotiate the tensions between these identities? • What internal and external factors influence these negotiations? • What are the similarities and differences among the participants of different generations? Two large emerged from the analysis that provided a better understanding of the participants’ lives: finding sexual identity and finding professional identity. Within those themes, smaller sub-themes helped to better understand how the participants came to understand their sexuality and professional identity. External factors such as social and family support, religion, and cultural and generational movements influenced the ways in which the participants came to understand their sexual identity. Participants desired to be ii seen first as a competent music teacher, but also understood that they could have an impact on a student as a gay or lesbian role model or mentor. Sexual identity and professional identity did not function as separate constructs; rather they were interwoven throughout these lesbian and gay music educator’s self-identities. In order to connect the reader with the participants, I engaged in a creative non- fiction writing process to (re)tell participant’s stories. Each story is unique and crafted in a way that the participant’s voice is privileged over my own. The stories come from the conversations and journal entries that the participants shared with me. The purpose of the stories is to provide the reader with a contextual understanding of each participant’s life, and to offer some considerations for ways in which we can engage with and support our lesbian and gay music educator colleagues. This paper does not end with a tidy conclusion, but rather more questions and provocations that will continue the conversations. I hope this document will encourage thoughtful and critical conversations in the music education profession to help us move us forward to a place that is more empathetic, socially-just, and equitable. iii DEDICATION This study would not exist with those individuals who offered their life stories to me. I am incredibly indebted to them and their trust in me as a researcher and writer. To that end, I dedicate this paper to Kathy, Kevin, Nancy, Jerry, Callie, and Anna. iv ACKNOWLEDGMENTS In 2007 I began my graduate work at the University of St. Thomas, in St. Paul, Minnesota. It was there I met like-minded people who wanted to be better and do better. I am forever grateful for Michael, Keith, Dagan, and Brian who pushed me to be better. Additionally, Rachel, Sara, Kristin, Jason, and Sarah who joined the “UST Crew” on our loud Saturday brunches and late-night study sessions. Dr. Doug Orzolek and Dr. Sarah Schmalenberger have been invaluable during my academic journey. Between tears and laughter, attending Justin Timberlake concerts, and rock concerts at First Ave., they have supported both my personal and professional growth. I am forever grateful for their friendship and collegiality. Dr. Jill Sullivan lit the spark during the summer of 2011 when she told me that I was “Ph.D. material,” a thought that I had never considered. She saw something in me that I did not believed existed. She is the reason this whole journey even started. I am honored to call Dr. Karen Howard a friend and colleague. Working with her has not only improved my writing skills, but has made me think harder about the complicated things in life—the things that we don’t want to talk about in education. She is my mentor and role model for the kind of educator and scholar I strive to be. Additional thanks to those who have I had the opportunity to bounce ideas off of, who have listened to me complain about the process, but have always encouraged and inspired me: Amy Spears, Danelle Larson, Lori Gray, Wes Brewer, Sean Powell, Randall Allsup, Juliet Hess, Latasha Thomas-Durrell, Nick McBride, Brent Talbot, Bridget Sweet, Elizabeth Parker, Susan Conkling, Mark Adams, Josh Palkki, Jacob Berglin, Dan Albert, Matthew Garrett, Don Taylor, Christopher Metz, Jesse Rathgeber, Isaac Bickmore and others who have encouraged me from afar. v I must thank the South High community for their support through the process. They have supported me during this crazy journey, both as a teacher and as a graduate student. I am forever grateful for the students, the administration, and the colleagues with whom I work. A big thanks to Zoë and Will for their thoughtful cross-checking of my citations and references. Soyeon (Sally) Kang was my first friend at Arizona State University. We navigated language barriers that brought us together. Through shared coffee breaks, fabulous Indian food, and lots of laughs, she has become one of my closest friends who I don’t get to see nearly enough. My parents have been with me every step of the way. Their constant support of all my crazy ideas and adventures has kept me going. I believe it is through their combined models of persistence, laughter, and excellence that I have become who I am today. My dissertation committee, Dr. Marg Schmidt, Dr. Jill Sullivan, Dr. Sandra Stauffer (the three S’s) and Dr. Stephen Paparo for their willingness to take the time to read this document and offer constructive feedback. Additionally, they are incredible people whom I admire greatly. My advisor, Dr. Marg Schmidt, is probably one the best people in the world that I know. Her patience, as I tried out new ideas, and her encouragement to try ideas that had not been done before in dissertation writing is immeasurable. Her attendance at the LGBTQ Studies in Music Education conference in 2015 so that she could “better understand the research” showed me how dedicated she is, not only to the success of the students with whom she works, but for the advancement of music education research. She has helped me navigate some pretty uncomfortable areas for me with the kind of compassion that I hope I can someday have with students who are struggling. vi Finally, I must offer my most sincere gratitude to my partner in life, Graydon. Never once did he question my ability to complete this project or this chapter in my life. Never once did he question us living apart for a year. Graydon is the light element that complements the darkness. I can always count on him to tell me to shut my brain off and watch silly cat YouTube videos. He is the definition of unconditional love, even when papers, compositions, gigs, rehearsals, and school get in the way. He is always there for me, and had it not been for him, cheering me on in his own way, this would not have happened. vii TABLE OF CONTENTS PAGE LIST OF FIGURES ................................................................................................................................ xv CHAPTER 1 PRELUDE ............................................................................................................................................... 1 LGBTQ Issues in Music Education ......................................................................................... 3 LGBTQ Issues in Education ..................................................................................................... 5 Generational LGBTQ Issues ..................................................................................................... 7 Purpose of the Study ................................................................................................................. 10 Theoretical Frameworks: Reading and Thinking through Multiple Lenses .................... 11 Establishing sexual identity through feminist theory ...........................................
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