Bailey Romano

Placement Portfolio

Table of Contents My Story Resume………………………………………………………………………………………….. 2-4 References…………………………………………………………………………………………. 5 Personal Statement…………………………………………………………………………. 6-8

D’vrei Torah-Words of Torah D’var Torah……………………………………………………………………………………….9 Fourth Year Sermon…………………………………………………………………….10-14 Fifth Year Sermon………………………………………………………………………...15-20 Sukkot Yizkor Sermon…………………………………………………………………..22-25 Newsletter……………………………………………………………………………………….26

Talmud Torah-Life Long Learning Torah Study……………………………………………………………………………………...27 Circle of Friends Text Study…………………………………………………………..28-31 13 Reasons Why Not……………………………………………………………………..32-33 2nd Grade Curriculum Guide………………………………………………………...34-38

Lifecycle Bar Mitzvah Charge……………………………………………………………………..39-40 Eulogy………………………………………………………………………………………..41-43 Readings Before Immersion……………………………………………………………...44

Tefilah Iyyunim…………………………………………………………………………………………...45 Tot Shabbat…………………………………………………………………………………46-47 Shabbat Service Outlines………………………………………………………………48-55

Media Website…………………………………………………………………………………………..55 Youtube…………………………………………………………………………………………..55 Holiday Videos………………………………………………………………………………..55

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4 References Name Connection Phone Number Email Address

Rabbi Irvin Wise Senior Rabbi at 513-793-1800 rabbi@adath-israel.org Adath Israel

Debbie Lempert Immediate Past 513-236-1037 [email protected] President of Adath Israel

Rabbi Ken Kanter Rabbinic Mentor 615-948-2052 [email protected]

Rabbi Dr. Gary Zola Thesis Advisor 513-460-7770 [email protected]

Barbara Dragul Education Mentor 513-628-4437 [email protected]

5 Rabbinic Personal Statement Bailey Romano

Bailey Romano. What kind of a name is that for a nice, Jewish girl? Well, it isn’t. ​ I didn’t grow up Jewish, and I never thought I would be a rabbi. But, here I am. I began my journey to Judaism at a family friend’s seder table as a six-year-old girl. I sat next to Megan, a Jewish girl my age whom I admired. During the seder I was filled with questions. I wanted to know what we would eat, do, or sing next. I wanted to learn. Those questions never went away. By the time I was in high school, the questions I had about Judaism grew louder and louder until I finally began to explore them in earnest. I fell head over heels in love with Judaism. The words of the V’ahavtah resonated with my deeply held belief that unconditional love of God and of each human being could change the world. At the start of my freshman year in college, I contacted a rabbi and officially began the conversion process. In 2010, I entered the mikvah and emerged from its waters as part of the Jewish people. In college, inspiring teachers and professors helped me to channel my many questions into research and writing, connecting my passion for history and religion with my love of Judaism. Over time, my devotion to learning and my journey to Judaism collided, resulting in my decision to attend the Hebrew Union College in Cincinnati to study American Jewish History with Dr. Gary Zola. My goal was to become a professor of Religious Studies. Although adrenaline pulsed through my veins as I touched documents from the 19th century in the American Jewish Archives, something was missing. In college, I had helped to create a Jewish community out of nearly nothing. While as a Resident Assistant, I was the person people turned to when they needed someone to listen to their challenges. I realized that I missed serving people and creating community. Before I knew it, I was working at Isaac M. Wise Temple teaching about God, Jewish Life Cycle events, and Torah to 5th graders. I was terrified of telling them the wrong things, or somehow scarring them for life. What I found instead was my calling. I realized that what I loved the most was helping students to discover for themselves what they loved about Judaism and helping them to connect to God, to Torah, and to each other. The summer after my first year of grad school, I embarked on another new journey. While on my Birthright Shorashim trip, I discovered my love of Israel, but more importantly I affirmed that I was called to become a rabbi. As one of the most “religious” Jews on the trip, I listend as my peers turned to me to ask whether their theology meshed with Judaism and to reflect on what it meant to them to be Jewish, and to Israelis who were amazed by what the diversity of American Judaism could offer them. I knew I wanted to serve the Jewish people. With my love of Judaism, education, and Israel, becoming a rabbi made a lot of sense. During my second year of rabbinical school, I served as the student rabbi at Temple Oheb Shalom in Sandusky, Ohio. As a part of my work there, I met Stan, our most senior congregant. Following a series of strokes, Stan was hospitalized and then entered a nursing facility. During this time, I met with him each week I visited the congregation. At his bedside, I discovered my passion for pastoral care. Each time I

6 visited, as I held his hand in mine singing Debbie Friedman’s Mi Shebeirach, the tears would glisten in his eyes and stream down his face. His love of Judaism was so deep that even when he could no longer speak, tears would fall as he hummed the tune that brought him comfort; music and touch bringing him spiritual if not physical healing. Music has always been a part of my spirituality Singing, especially, helps me to find center. I began taking voice lessons at age 6 and continued until I was 22 years old. Jewish music helped me to find instant connection with Judaism, and I believe it is an access point for people of all ages and spiritual orientations. I love helping others connect to Judaism through music. At Temple Oheb Shalom, I worked with the ritual committee, organist, and soloist to bring new Jewish music to the synagogue that enlivened services and helped my congregants connect to prayer in new ways. As the summer Rabbinic Intern at Rockdale Temple, I led services for Jews of all ages while both rabbis were away. I also held down the fort, assisting congregants to find resources on Jewish mourning rituals, and providing pastoral care to our staff as they dealt with loss and challenging office situations. In my fourth year, I was offered a position to work as the Rabbinic Intern at Congregation Adath Israel, the largest Conservative synagogue in Cincinnati. I began my relationship with the synagogue years earlier when one of my friends was their rabbinic intern. When I attended services at Adath then, I was amazed by the way Rabbi Irvin Wise, the senior rabbi, connected with his congregants, especially when he announced the names of those observing shiva, sheloshim, or yahrzeits. As he did, he approached each individual and acknowledged their loss in a personal way. I knew that I wanted to be that kind of rabbi, someone whose focus was on pastoral care. So, when I was asked to be the rabbinic intern at Adath, I said yes. Over the last year, I have gained “hands-on” experience working in a synagogue on a daily and weekly basis. When I became the intern, I took on a number of the responsibilities previously held by the two associate rabbis who left in December of 2018. This meant that I had to be in near constant contact with the clergy team and office staff. As a part of my role then and now, I have a variety of pulpit, pastoral care, and lifecycle event responsibilities. I lead weekly Shabbat services, a monthly Tot Shabbat service, give sermons every month, short teachings every week. As part of pastoral work, I visit with congregants who are hospitalized or home-bound, or at the Jewish retirement home. In addition, I co-officiate at funerals and unveilings, and lead shiva minyans for those families and others journeying with them along the path of loss and mourning. Throughout my work at Adath, I have met with my senior rabbi bi-weekly to address everyday issues in the synagogue and to cultivate a mentor-mentee relationship. As I enter the rabbinate, I hope to find not only a congregation which I can serve, but also a senior rabbi and clergy team from whom I can learn. Although I tend to be somewhat more traditional in my personal practice of Reform Judaism, I realized over the last year at Adath Israel that I am not interested in becoming a Conservative rabbi and I am passionately a Reform Jew who believes in informed choice and I want to inspire others as they make their choices. With this in mind, my intention when I lead services is to deepen my congregants’ understanding of

7 what they are saying when they pray and when they study Torah, because above all I am a teacher, a teacher of Torah and of Judaism. Throughout my years at HUC, I have made it a priority to teach students of all ages. I taught children as well as college students at Xavier University, and adult education sessions on Jewish mourning. I believe as a rabbi, especially in congregational life, it is important for me to be able to teach to a wide range of people. I am, at my core, someone who seeks to be a guide for others- through their joys and their sorrows, through their engagement with the challenging elements of being human beings. I am at my core a teacher, someone who seeks to foster deep and meaningful learning for people of all ages steeped in Jewish tradition. I hope to, above all, throughout my rabbinate, to foster relationships which connect people to each other, to God, and to Judaism.

8 Vaera D’var 2018 As a people we are good at two things; surviving and laughing, and sometimes the two go hand and hand. In his book, Nathan Ausubel, the author of A Treasury of ​ Jewish Humor, writes, “First you laugh at a Jewish joke or quip. Then, against your will, ​ you suddenly fall silent and thoughtful. And that is because Jews are so frequently jesting philosophers. A hard life has made them realists, realists without illusions.”1 ​ Sarah, our matriarch might very well be one of these realists without illusions, someone who laughs at a joke and then becomes thoughtful. After all, in this week’s Torah portion, three angels come to her and Abraham and announce that at 90, she will have a son. And, what does she do? She laughs. I like to imagine that she thought it was a joke. “Are you kidding me?” She would say. “You’ve got to be kidding” When she does finally gives birth to their son, she names him Yitzchak, meaning laughter, saying “God has brought me laughter, so everyone who hears will laugh with me” (Genesis 21:6). The rabbis point out that by laughing Sarah was criticizing God’s ability to give her and Abraham a child. However, rarely do they criticize Abraham for his own laughter at God’s ability to give them a son (Genesis 17:17). Instead, Rashi and others interpret Abraham’s laughter as joy. In contrast to Rashi and others, a modern scholar, Rabbi Reuven Bulka provides us with a way of thinking about the relationship between adversity and laughter. He writes, “humor is one of the most effective ways of confronting adversity and coping with difficult situations, especially when we have little control over them, or none at all. By laughing at our fate, it is as if we were stepping out of a situation and looking at it from a distance, as if we were outside observers, so to speak.”2 Throughout Jewish history beginning with Abraham and Sarah, we have spent a great deal of time making jokes and laughing in spite of tragedy. When we laugh we not only find a bit of perspective as Rabbi Bulka suggests, but we also remove some of the pain from a situation. As he says, “by laughing at the absurdities and cruelties of life, we ​ draw much of the sting from them.”3 When we laugh, we begin to own some of the pain we experience. At the time when Sarah laughed, she had been waiting for a child for many decades. The bitterness of loss was real for her, so laughter made sense. Jewish humor is part of our heritage, part of Torah, and part of how we process the many challenges and joys we have in our own lives. This Shabbat, and this week, may we all find that we are able to laugh at the utter ridiculousness of life, the miracles, the coincidences, and even sometimes the challenges we face. Because sometimes, like Sarah says, “God has brought us laughter, so everyone who hears will laugh with me.” So, this Shabbat and this week, let’s laugh a little bit together.

1 Rabbi Leo M. Abrami, “Laughing Through the Tears,” ​ https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/laughing-through-the-tears/. 2Rabbi Leo M. Abrami, “Laughing Through the Tears.” 3 Ibid. ​

9 Fourth Year Sermon Outline B’shalach for Shabbat Shirah

There once was a guy named Yitz who had a dog named Shmuel. Yitz was worried about Shmuel, so he took him to the vet. "My dog has a problem, doctor," Yitz said. "OK, so tell me, what’s the problem." "Well, doctor, Shmuel can talk." "You're joking!" "No I'm not. Just watch this." Yitz then looked Shmuel in the eye and said, "Shmuel, fetch." Immediately, Shmuel looked at Yitz and said, "Why, oh why, do you continue to talk to me like that? You're always ordering me around like I'm a nothing. You only seem to talk to me when you want something. How degraded I feel. And that's not all. You always force me to sleep on the cold floor at night - and me with my arthritis! And you persist in giving me unhealthy fahkahkta food which contains a lot of salt and fat. ​ ​ ​ And do you and Sarah ever take me for a decent walk? No you don't. It's always just out of the house and then right back home again. Oy vey! If I could only stretch out a little, ​ ​ maybe my sciatica wouldn't hurt me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real, for all you care." The vet was ecstatic. "This is absolutely incredible. I've never seen a talking dog. But why have you brought him here? What medical problem does Shmuel have?" "He has a very bad hearing problem, doctor. I said 'Fetch,' not 'Kvetch'." ​ ​ ​ ​ We, as a society, are obsessed with kvetching. In this week’s Torah portion, B’shalach, the Israelites complain a lot. They, like Shmuel, are perpetual kvetchers. God, after performing the miracles of the ten plagues is ready to take the Israelites out of Egypt, but as they are leaving, the Egyptians follow them. The Israelites quickly cry out to God for help, fearing for their lives. The Israelites are NOT alone in their complaints. Even Moses cries out to God. In ​ ​ response God says: טו ַמ ִה-תְּצַעק ֵאָלי; ַדֵּבּר ֶא ְל-בּנֵי-יִ ְשָׂרֵאל, וְיִָסּעוּ. “Why do you cry out to Me? Speak to the Israelites and go.” ​ The rabbis wondered why Moses cried out to God and why God had to tell Moses to go forward. In Mechilta D’Rabbi Yishmael we read that at the time the Israelites were ​ crying out to God to save them, Moses was busy praying. Getting frustrated, God says to Moses: My loved ones are drowning in the sea, and the sea is raging, and the enemy is pursuing, and you stand and prayer? To which Moses replied: Lord of the universe, what can I do? And God said to him (Exodus 14:16) " Raise your staff, and go." (Mekhilta ​ ​ d’Rabbi Yishmael 14:22). Unlike the Israelites who doubted God, and Moses who cried out for help, Nachshon sees a problem and takes action. In a midrash on Parashat B’shalach we read that, “when the tribes were standing at the sea, each of them said: I will not go down first into the water, viz. (Hoshea 12:1-3) Because they stood and deliberated, Nachshon the son ​ ​ of Aminadav leapt into the sea. We are told that only when Nachshon had waded so far

10 in that the waters reached his chin, did the waters part, and the Israelites could walk on dry land. Nachshon, unlike the Israelites and Moses, chose not to complain. Not only that but he found within himself the strength to do something about the situation they were in. He took action. According to Chizkiah ben Manoach, a 13 th -century French commentator known as Chizkuni, God’s response to Moses in the previously mentioned verse, shows that God “is taking issue with the fact that the Israelites were complaining instead of displaying a little bit of faith by wading into the sea (Chizkuni 14:15). Chizkuni argues, ​ like many others, that the Israelites’ fear was based on their slave mentality. After all, every slave is afraid of his master, and these Israelites had not yet proven that they could fend for themselves (Chizkuni on 14:10). The Israelites are stuck in the slave mentality. They are used to being acted upon instead of acting of their own free will. ​ ​ ​ ​ The Torah and our textual tradition offers us a myriad of examples of complaining about the troubles or tzores in our lives, but as satisfying as it is to kvetch, it’s much ​ ​ more important for us to kvell. Now, more than ever, we must focus on joy and ​ ​ gratitude | over despair and complaining, and find ways to act to improve our lives and our world. It is incumbent upon us to focus on what we have rather than on what we lack. But, the truth is we all know at least one person who always has something to complain about. We don’t like being around that person, but when we are we find ourselves complaining too. So, then why do we complain if we don’t like being around other people who complain? The truth is complaining feels good and it’s contagious. Robin Kowalski, a psychology professor at Clemson University explains that ​ “complaining allows us to achieve desired outcomes such as sympathy and attention.”4 ​ Dr. Travis Bradberry, a social psychologist, writes in his article, “How Complaining Rewires Our Brains for Negativity” that when those around us complain we begin to feel the need to complain as well. He argues that, “Since human beings are inherently social, our brains naturally and unconsciously mimic the moods of those around us, particularly people we spend a great deal of time with. This process is called neuronal ​ mirroring, and it’s the basis for our ability to feel empathy.” So, basically, when other ​ people complain we complain out of a sense of empathy, whether or not we like how it makes us feel. Complaining, according to psychologists and social scientists seems to be something we humans do naturally. We are programmed to complain. However, social scientists like Dr. Bradberry, Kowalski and others argue that complaining too much can actually be really bad for us. Bradberry says that, “Repeated complaining rewires your brain to make future complaining more likely. Over time, you find it’s easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around you. Complaining becomes your default behavior, which changes how people perceive you.” Not only that, but it can actually impact your physical health over time. When we complain our bodies go into fight or flight mode, and release the stress hormone, cortisol. Cortisol raises our

4 Barbara Neal Varma, “Complaining, for Your Health,” (8 February 2015), ​ https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/02/complaining-for-your-health/385041/.

11 blood pressure originally intended so we could defend ourselves. In our modern world, however, increased levels of cortisol over an extended period of time can raise the risks of heart disease. If we are predisposed to complaining, and complaining is bad for us, physically and emotionally, what should we do? The truth is, there are many things in our lives to complain about, but what we learn both from Parashat B’shalach and from modern social scientists is that we cannot only complain, we have to act. Like God says to Moses, why are you calling out to me? Go do something about it. Dr. Bradberry suggests that we try to always complain with a purpose in mind. We should, he argues always ground any complaints we have in positivity. By starting with something positive we prevent others from getting defensive. Moreover, when we do complain, we should be very specific. This ensures that we are not complaining for the sake of complaining but have one issue in mind that we would like to change. Finally, Bradberry suggests that we end on a positive note. By ending on a positive note, we can attempt to prevent complaining from becoming a contagious phenomenon in our conversations.5 While these recommendations are really helpful for when we do need to complain, how do we begin to get out of the habit of complaining all together? Jewish tradition and Mussar have answers for us. The rabbis were dedicated to cultivating a culture where gratitude was valued. They knew that the more we counted our blessings the more positive and happier we’d be. If we zoom out and take a moment to look back at our Torah portion, we are faced with one of the most glorious moments in the Torah, the parting of the red sea, and the singing of Shirat HaYam, the song of the sea. During each prayer service, we sing a section of Shirat HaYam, “Mi Chamocha Baelim Adonai, Mi Kamocha Needar BaKodesh? Nora Tehilot Oseh Fele.” Who is like you among the gods Adonai? Who is like you majestic in holiness, awesome in splendor working wonders? Of course, the rabbis didn’t stop there when it came to gratitude. We have no less than three prayers related to thanks in each service, which on a Shabbat morning like today, includes Modeh Ani, the Nisim B’Chol Yom, and Modim Anachnu Lach, just to name a few. The emphasis of our tradition on gratitude has only grown with time. The Mussar movement has continued to add to the practice and development of the middah, or value, of gratitude. The middah of gratitude in Hebrew is HaKarat HaTov, which literally means recognizing the good. Rabbi Yisrael Salanter, a rabbi from the 19th century, was the father of the Mussar movement. Musar seeks ethical and spiritual development and emphasizes gratitude as an integral element in Jewish life. I’d like to tell you a story about Rabbi Yisrael Salanter and recognizing the good. Rabbi Yisrael Salanter once noticed that a fancy restaurant was charging a huge price for a cup of coffee. He approached the owner and asked why the coffee was so expensive. After all, some hot water, a few coffee beans and a spoonful of sugar could not amount to more than a few cents. The owner replied: "It is correct that for a few cents you could have coffee in your own home. But here in the restaurant, we provide exquisite decor,

5Travis Bradberry, “How Complaining Rewires Your Brain for Negativity,” (28 December 2017), https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-travis-bradberry/how-complaining-rewires-y_b_13634470.html. ​

12 soft background music, professional waiters, and the finest china to serve your cup of coffee." Rabbi Salanter's face lit up. "Oh, thank you very much! I now understand the blessing of Shehakol -- 'All was created by God’s word' -- which we recite before drinking water. You see, until now, when I recited this blessing, I had in mind only that I am thanking the Creator for the water that God created. Now I understand the blessing much better. 'All' includes not merely the water, but also the fresh air that we breathe while drinking the water, the beautiful world around us, the music of the birds that entertain us and exalt our spirits, each with its different voice, the charming flowers with their splendid colors and marvelous hues, the fresh breeze -- for all this we have to thank God when drinking our water! Rabbi Salanter, instead of complaining about the price of the drink, chose to be thankful for the many elements that went into producing the coffee he drank and the atmosphere in which he drank it. How often are we placed into similar situations in our own lives, where things aren’t quite what we’d like them to be? How often do we choose to complain rather than to be thankful for our abilities to purchase a simple cup of coffee? I would be lying if I said I never complained. I like many others at HUC have been known to kvetch about our lack of enough text classes, electives, professors retiring, too many lunch and learns, too few, no lockers, the heat, the cold, etc. Which one of us can honestly say that we have never complained about what we learn, how we learn it, our amount of work, and so much more? And, how many of us have REALLY tried to change the things we complain about? We cry out to one another but rarely do we do anything to change our circumstances. This culture of complaining without doing may make us feel closer to one another, but it also promotes negativity. What would it look like if we all really pitched in to address the complaints we have at school and in life? After all, we, as future leaders, are called on to wade into the water and to make change. While today we may cry out to God for help, we, like Moses, are called on to act. Take the people and go! All our lives each of us will be faced with things big and small on which we could and maybe should complain. It’s at these times when we need to know what brings us gratitude in our lives to help us to recognize the good and change our culture from one of complaining and negativity to gratitude and positivity. For me, my gratitude is most often expressed in song. For the last six years, I have found joy and gratitude while singing to my heart’s content around this campus and in Jerusalem. When I sing, I feel blessed by all that God has given me. If you know me well, then you have experienced this many times, whether you heard me singing around HUC’s campus while the windows were open in the classroom building, or if you’ve heard me sing around my apartment or even just walking around Wise Temple or Adath Israel. Singing is the sign that I am happy, and I am grateful. It’s no surprise to me then, that the moment in which the Israelites are the most grateful is when they sing for joy on the shores of the sea. Ashira L’adonai Ki Gao Gah. I will sing to God, because God has triumphed gloriously. This Shabbat is known as Shabbat Shirah, for this exact reason, because the Israelites, if only for a few moments, were grateful, and expressed their gratitude through song.

13 Alan Morinis writes in his book, “Every Day, Holy Day” “When you open yourself to experience the trait of gratitude, you discover with clarity and accuracy how much good there is in your life. Practicing gratitude means recognizing the good that is already yours.”6 (Morinis, Every Day Holy Day, 3). As much as we may want to complain in the moment, in the long run, it benefits us to focus on the good instead of latching on to what we lack. It behooves us to cultivate a culture of kvelling, complementing, rather than kvetching, to shift the focus in our communities from what we lack to what we have to celebrate, and to so productively and positively. When we recognize the good and limit our own complaining, we may EVEN succeed in creating an environment where positivity is valued. Just as complaining is contagious so is positivity and gratitude. In a culture which values and emphasizes complaining it is our job to remind ourselves and others of the beauty of the many blessings in our lives.

As I stand on this bimah, I am reminded of how grateful I am to be with each and every one of you, and how much you bless my life with love and joy every day. On this Shabbat, may we all find that we are more able to focus on what we are grateful for, and remember to kvell before we kvetch.

Shabbat shalom.

6 Alan Morinis & M. Berger, Every Day, Holy Day: 365 Days of Teachings and Practices from the Jewish ​ ​ Tradition of Mussar (Boston: Trumpeter, 2010), 3. ​

14 Stories of Strength: Rachel’s Fertility Journey and Our Stories Today

Abbe and Isaac Feder are a young Jewish couple living in New York City. At their big Jewish wedding in 2011, their family and friends offered their hopes for the couple’s future. People said things like, “I know you will both be happy. You will both be leading ​ ​ a Jewish life for yourselves, for your families, and for your future children.” And, “I can’t wait to see the happy family you’re going to raise.” On that day, this couple was filled with hope and joy. They were excited to begin a new chapter in their lives, one with children. But today, seven and half years later, they still aren’t parents. On October 14th, Abbe and Isaac released their podcast titled Macculate ​ Conception. In their first episode, the couple recounts their journey to finding each ​ other, the magic and hope that surrounded their wedding, and introduces their struggle to conceive a child. In the first episode Abbe says, “I feel like of anyone I know, that we should be parents, it’s you and me...I think we’re just made for it. That’s why I get so frustrated. You know all the tests....We come from large families, and we want that for ourselves.”7 Abbe and Isaac are not alone in this struggle. The percentage of Jewish women who remain childless after years of trying to conceive is higher than the general US population. 1 in 6 Jewish women will have challenges getting pregnant in comparison to 8 1 in 8 non Jewish women. Naomi Less is a facilitator, educator and Jewish musician whose Eli Talk from 2016 brought this issue to my attention. In her presentation she talks about what she calls her fertility journey. Like many women today, Less didn’t marry or begin trying to have children until her late thirties. After a year of trying, she was referred to a doctor for In-vitro Fertilization or IVF, treatment. Challenges with infertility are an “all-encompassing struggle.”9 Infertility impacts relationships with friends, spouses, partners, and parents. It affects careers and career choices, and it also affects finances. Today IVF treatments each cost somewhere between $12-15,000 a piece. And most women need more than two treatments.10 When Less first arrived at the Fertility Clinic recommended to her by her doctor, she says, “I felt like I was at a Jewish assembly. I looked around and saw so many women I knew. How did I not know how many Jewish women were struggling with infertility?” Over the course of the next few months she realized that fertility issues were a pervasive problem in the Jewish community, and that not many people were talking about it. She discovered from her own experience and from others that loneliness was a big part of infertility because, as she describes it, “for way too many people in the Jewish community, it is a silent, secret and shameful struggle.”11 But why?

7Abbe and Isaac Feder, Macculate Conception, Episode 1, https://starburns.audio/podcasts/maculate-conception/. 8 Tricia Andbinder and Elana Frank, “The Silent Struggle of Infertility,” The New York Jewish Week, (11 ​ ​ ​ ​ January 2018), https://jewishweek.timesofisrael.com/the-silent-struggle-of-infertility/. ​ ​ ​ 9 Naomi Less, “The BirthRATE Program,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m5-SPHFt00&t=382s. ​ ​ ​ 10 Naomi Less, “The BirthRATE Program.” ​ 11 Ibid.

15 Less ties this sense of loneliness and shame to the first verse in the Torah related to procreation, Genesis 1:28. ֹ ֹ וַיְָבֶ֣רְך אָֹתם֮ ֱאלִהים֒ וַיֹּ֨ ֶאמר ָלֶה֜ם ֱאלִה֗ים ְפּר֥וּ ְוּרב֛וּ “Then, God blessed them (Adam and Eve), and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply.” Pru Ur’Vu. Our rabbis interpret this verse as the commandment to have children. We are commanded to have children by God, by the Jewish community, by our parents, by society. We as women and as young Jewish couples both want to have children and are told that us having children secures the future of the Jewish people. So no pressure or anything. But, modern women are not alone in their fertility struggles. Our matriarchs were once in our shoes. This week’s Torah portion, Vayeitzei, reminds us that modern Jewish women are not alone in their fertility journeys. Rachel, like Rebecca and Sarah before her, is faced with her own struggle with fertility. Her fertility journey provides us with a framework for providing empathy to women and couples experiencing infertility. Firstly, Rachel’s story provides us with a framework for empathizing with the emotional toll infertility can take on an individual in addition to giving us an example of the challenges facing a couple on a fertility journey. Secondly, her story prompts us to engage with deep theological questions regarding the balance between our power to act and God’s power in our lives. Thirdly, Rachel’s narrative provides us with a way of relating to and grappling with the stories of our tradition which track our foremother’s lives from barrenness to birth, helping us to be more supportive as rabbis and as a Jewish community. While Rachel’s story follows a similar path to that of our other matriarchs, her narrative includes a statement of protest that may help us to better empathize with the feeling of loneliness, despair, and disgrace, women and couples face in their fertility journeys. According to Rachel Havrelock in The Women’s Torah Commentary, “The ​ ​ female journey [in the Torah] spans the poles from barrenness to fertility and affords the matriarch the opportunity to wrestle with other persons, God, and social position. The steps of this journey [include]: barrenness, statement of protest, direct ​ action, encounter with God, conception, birth, and naming.”12 By following ​ how this framework plays out in Rachel’s story we can better understand the emotional toll infertility can take on an individual and on a couple. The Torah tells us about Rachel’s inability to bear children in relation to her sister’s multiple pregnancies and births. Although we are told that Rachel is barren in Genesis 29, we do not get a sense of her struggle until the following chapter where we read that “when Rachel saw that she had borne Jacob no children, she became envious of her sister.” Out of her envy and desperation Rachel then says to Jacob, “Give me children, or I shall die.” Rachel cannot help but be jealous of her sister. No matter how hard she tries, she cannot conceive; her ultimatum speaks to her utter desperation. Rachel protests by saying, she will die if her demand is not met. Her exclamation, reminds us of her immense pain and loneliness in this moment. Nahum Sarna makes

12 Eskenazi, Tamara Cohn, and Andrea L. Weiss, The Torah: A Women's Commentary, (New York : URJ ​ ​ ​ Press : Women of Reform Judaism, 2017), 164.

16 the point that Rachel’s response might come out of the idea that “life without children 13 would not be worth living.” Like her predecessors, Rachel also cries out in a statement of protest. In protest she presents a demand. She demands children from God. Ramban makes the argument that her protest, “Give me Children,” means that she was demanding that Jacob pray for her to conceive. It is difficult to imagine that Jacob would not have already prayed for his beloved wife to have children. After all, he waited and worked so long to marry her and make her his life partner. Wouldn’t he also experience the loss of not being able to have a child with the love of his life? In response to Rachel’s protest, we are told that “Jacob was incensed with her.” Saying, “Can I take the place of God, who has denied you children?!” The rabbis, in this case, are bothered by Jacob’s response. Ramban notes that, “it would appear that on account of Jacob’s answer, our Rabbis took him to task, saying in Bereshit Rabbah: “The Holy One Blessed be He, said to Jacob, “Is this the way to answer a woman who is oppressed by her barrenness? By your life! Your children are destined to stand before her son, Joseph!”14 The rabbis acknowledge that Jacob needs to have empathy for his wife and that he should have prayed for his wife. In doing so, the rabbis acknowledge that men also have agency in a fertility journey. Jacob has the power to pray for Rachel and to pray for their own children. Fertility journeys can be immensely challenging for both partners emotionally. I would like to suggest that Jacob’s response may in fact be his own form of protest, and his own response to his lack of children with his beloved wife. The co-host of the podcast, Macculate Conception, Isaac Feder speaks to his own ​ ​ experience of jealousy on his fertility journey with his wife in the first episode. Isaac admits that as he sees his friends getting married and having children two or three years later, “that it stings.” He wants to be happy for them, and to some extent he is, but he says, “there is little bit of envy that starts to creep in. And that’s a newer thing, and that was not there early on.” This envy, for Isaac like for many other couples is the “result of how much heartache and struggle” they’ve undergone in the seven years they have been trying to have a baby. There is loss for both partners on a fertility journey. Michael Gold writes that “It is important to recognize that infertility involves a loss that is similar to the loss of a loved one. There is grief and mourning, anger and guilt, all the emotions that we 15 associate with death. It is the death of a dream, a dream we hold from childhood.” Maharat Ruth Balinsky Friedman, a graduate of Yeshivat Maharat, a female Modern Orthodox rabbinic program, speaks to this sense of loss in an article she published in The Washington Post. In the article, she discusses her own challenges with ​ ​ infertility. She begins by describing her experience in the synagogue. “At my synagogue ​

13 The JPS Torah Commentary, (Philadelphia: The Jewish publication Society, 1989). ​ ​ 14Nachum Sarna, The JPS Torah Commentary, (Philadelphia: The Jewish publication Society, 1989), ​ ​ ​ 366-367. 15 Tamara Goshen-Gottstein, “The Souls That They Made: Physical Infertility and Spiritual Fecundity,” in Torah of the Mothers: Contemporary Jewish Women Read Classical Jewish Texts, Ora Wiskind Elper and Susan Handelman ed., Urim Publications and Lamda Publishers Inc., (NY, 2000), 138.

17 in the District, which is called the National Synagogue, we are blessed to have so many babies born in our community, and so many opportunities to celebrate, at brises for ​ ​ boys and simchat bats for girls. But for every baby that is born, there is at least one ​ ​ person in the room desperately wishing it was happening to them. While my husband I were struggling through our two miscarriages, uncertain of what the future held, being in a synagogue was very painful. There were so many times that I stood with families welcoming new babies, happy for the new parents, but also with tears in my eyes as we 16 sang because it hurt so much and I so badly wished that I was the one celebrating.” Rachel’s story forces us to engage with deep theological questions about how God works in our lives. In the Torah our matriarchs had to take action before God would intervene. Each woman and each couple in the Torah and in the modern world finally comes to a point where they have significant decisions to make. In Rachel’s case, she takes fate into her own hands. Like Sarah and Rebecca before her, she finds a surrogate, her handmaid, to bear children for her. Even though she has two children through her surrogate, Dan and Naphtali, she does not have a child of her own body. Thus we encounter a strange scene in which Rachel determines to get her hands on some mandrakes, something, the rabbis tell us may have been used as an early fertility treatment. According to Rachel Havrelock, “mandrakes do not cure Rachel’s barrenness,” ​ just as IVF does not work for all couples.17 Instead, Rachel’s actions quote “alert God to her desperation--and the lengths to which she will go in order to conceive. In other words, the actions that Rachel takes to reverse her situation function as self-initiation into relationship with God...Rachel has followed a three-part course in protesting her infertility: articulation of discontent, surrogacy, and medicinal aid. God likewise responds with three actions:” God now remembers, listens, and opens her womb.18 God is the one who finally grants Rachel a child. Modern women, just like Rachel, turn to medicine to have a child. Today, with IVF, hormone treatments and surgeries many of our friends, colleagues and congregants spend the entirety of their savings on medical treatments that may or may not work. In the US, “Insurance coverage for IVF varies depending on the insurance company, ​ ​ state-specific legislation, the woman or couple’s age and reasons for infertility, and even 19 the insured’s relationship status.” In addition to IVF, often women and couples have to pay to discover the complexity of their biology or genetics, through genetic testing or exploratory surgery which can add thousands of dollars to an already financially arduous journey. What does a woman say after nothing has worked? After years of trying and praying. What does a woman, like Naomi Less say to God? She is 42. She has been

16 Rabbi Ruth Balinsky Friedman, “When you’re Facing Infertility, a Synagogue Can Be the Most Painful ​ ​ Place to Go. Let’s Change That,” The Washington Post (30 March 2016). ​ ​ 17Eskenazi, Tamara Cohn, and Andrea L. Weiss, The Torah: A Women's Commentary, (New York : URJ ​ ​ Press : Women of Reform Judaism, 2017), 168. 18 Ibid, 168. 19 Nina Bahadur, “The Cost of Infertility: This is How Real People Pay for IVF,” Self (8 January 2018), https://www.self.com/story/the-cost-of-infertility. ​

18 trying to conceive for three years, spent tens of thousands of dollars on hormones, and tests, and IVF to no avail. The Story of Rachel and Jacob presents God as the all-powerful granter of the blessing of children upon a couple. When individuals and couples are on a difficult fertility journey, not to mention a myriad of other trials we face in life, this theology poses sincere challenges. After all, if God is all powerful, then why does God not grant a woman or couple a biological child of their own? In the Torah, each one of our matriarchs gets her wish. Each woman is acknowledged by God, conceives and bears a child, and finally names that child in relation to their fertility journey. In Genesis 30:23-24, Rachel makes two statements that are tied to the naming of Joseph. First she says, ֹ ַאָס֥ף ֱאלִה֖ים ֶא ֶת־חְרָפִּֽתי “God has taken away my disgrace.” ​ Then she names her son Joseph and explains the name by saying, “May Adonai add, Yoseif, another son for me.” According to Nahum Sarna in the JPS Torah Commentary (Genesis 30:23-24), “The two Hebrew words Asaf and Yosef, taken away, and, add, provide a double etymology for the name, the first looking back to the past ten years of shame and anguish, the second looking forward to an even greater measure of joy.”20 In this way, Rachel holds her past pain and memory of shame alongside her elation at having a child. What do Isaac and Abbe say to God? It has been seven years. They have unexplained infertility. Where is God? This is the part of our Torah portion, the part of the narrative of our matriarchs and patriarchs that both gives us hope and has the power to destroy our faith in God. After all, why wouldn’t God grant a beautiful and wonderful couple a child? As part of her bargaining with God, Naomi Less prayed saying, “I will be a more committed Jew.” “I have so much love to give.” ​ Pleading, “Why can’t there be a miracle on my behalf?” In the end, when her prayers were left unanswered her feelings were of “desperation…paralysis…deep profound sadness…and isolation.” In the modern world, we are highly aware of the problematic nature of an omnipotent God. However, this element of the story of our matriarchs and their ability to have a child of their own through God’s intervention should not deter us from appreciating or engaging with the text all together. After all, today we are not visited by angels in tents or talking donkeys giving us promises or blessings. Instead we are helped by doctors and nurses, rabbis and chaplains, friends, spouses, and support groups who are able to provide us with physical and spiritual care, a listening ear, and resources throughout our journeys to create our own families. In these journeys and in our own stories we do not often feel that God is an intervening force. Instead, it might be more fitting for us to connect to a verse found much earlier in our Torah portion, Genesis 28:16. In the verse Jacob lays down to sleep after fleeing his brother’s revenge. While asleep he dreams of angels ascending from

20 Eskenazi, Tamara Cohn, and Andrea L. Weiss, The Torah: A Women's Commentary, (New York : URJ ​ ​ ​ Press : Women of Reform Judaism, 2017), 164.

19 earth to heaven. When he awakes he exclaims: “God was in this place, and I, I did not know.” Perhaps in our greatest moments of travail God is not a direct actor, but rather a ​ ​ comforting presence we often forget is there. Tamara Goshen-Gottstein speaks to this idea in her book, “The Souls That They Made: Physical Infertility and Spiritual Fecundity.” She writes, “It takes astounding fortitude to sustain one’s willingness to live and believe in the face of unbearable suffering. I find deep comfort in the fact that the Bible lets us see Rachel’s fallibility...She faces the death of her dream, yet goes on. Yearning, praying, and staying 21 present to the pain are very different from sinking into a pit of desperation.” As rabbis and as a Jewish community we have an obligation to be open to hearing the stories of our congregants and community members wherever they are on their fertility journeys whether they are at the very beginning or years later when the loss remains. Rachel’s narrative can provide us a framework for relating to and grapple with the stories of our tradition helping us to be more supportive as rabbis and as a Jewish community. It is incumbent upon us to provide resources for Jewish women and families facing challenges with fertility. More importantly, we should cultivate communities where stories of all types can be shared, stories of loss and pain, of triumph and joy. We all have our own stories, and as rabbis we are the purveyors of stories. Each woman, each couple, has their own story, that may go from barrenness to birth like our matriarchs, or from barrenness to adoption or surrogacy. Each story may follow a similar path to our matriarchs including the awareness of barrenness, statements of protest, direct medical action, encounters and struggles with God and theology, and finally conception, birth, and naming, or they may not. These women, these couples, do not always have the resources they need. Out of her personal experiences with infertility, Naomi Less tours the country performing a show based on hers and other women’s stories called TryMester: Jewish Fertility Journeys Outloud.22 She is also an active member of Uprooted an organization which provides education, advocacy and direct support for women and couples on a fertility journey. Chasidah is a non-profit organization which promotes awareness, and provides funding and support for those experiencing infertility. Not only that, but it also provides resources for rabbis. So far, this story is not my story. But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be. There is no doubt in my mind that my friends, classmates, colleagues, teachers, and mentors have struggled or are currently struggling with their fertility journeys. It is my responsibility as a rabbi to ensure that there is a space either in my office, or in my synagogue where women and couples can feel safe sharing their stories. The Torah contains the stories of our people, and those stories include the stories of women and couples struggling to conceive. We have the power to acknowledge those stories and all the stories of our people, to provide a different theology that can provide comfort rather than pain. We have the power to remind ourselves and our congregants, that there are moments, even in the depths of despair, as we cry out in the words of

21 Tamara Goshen-Gottstein, “The Souls That They Made: Physical Infertility and Spiritual Fecundity,” in ​ Torah of the Mothers: Contemporary Jewish Women Read Classical Jewish Texts, Ora Wiskind Elper and Susan Handelman ed., Urim Publications and Lamda Publishers Inc., (NY, 2000), 137. 22 http://naomiless.com/.

20 Rachel, “God give me a child or I will die!” that God is with us. God is with us in that place of pleading, anguish, and hopefully one day also in our joy. God doesn’t have to be all powerful. God just has to be there, the Shechinah, providing us with comfort in our lowest moments. This Shabbat, in this community, and in whatever communities we reside, may we always take the time to acknowledge the power of sharing stories, of creating space for discussions about the reality of Jewish infertility in our communities, and provide windows into theologies that can bring comfort instead of shame. Shabbat shalom.

21 Sukkot Yizkor Sermon Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. The current of the river swept silently over them all - young and old, rich and poor, good and evil, the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks at the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current was what each had learned from birth. But one creature said at last, 'I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will.' The other creatures laughed and said, 'Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks, and you shall die!' But the one did not listen to them, instead he took a breath and let go. For the first few minutes, he grasped out for something to hold onto as he was propelled by the current. In fact, he did bump and smash against the rocks. But, when he fully let go, and tried no more latch onto the rocks that he passed, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.23 Just like these creatures, we more often than not find ourselves clinging for dear life to everything, to objects, to people, to animals, to anything we can physically and metaphorically get our hands on. We want to hold on for fear of losing something or someone and experiencing the depth of pain that comes with loss. We are frightened of being vulnerable, of relinquishing control. And yet, four times a year, we enter the synagogue and allow ourselves to be fully and completely vulnerable, to return to the part of our hearts that remains scarred and broken to revisit the loss of loved ones. But, why today? Why say Yizkor today? Why re-visit our loss so soon after Yom Kippur. After all, it was only 12 days ago that we observed Yizkor last. Yizkor on Yom Kippur feels appropriate. In effect we are attempting to be as close to G-d as we can, and in doing so, find a sense that we are closer to our loved ones who are no longer with us in this world. But, Sukkot is not Yom Kippur. For eight days we dwell in the Sukkah. For eight days we are told we must make our Sukkah our permanent dwelling while our homes become our temporary ones. Our homes are solid structures, with enclosed walls, windows and doors, which more often than not remain closed to the elements. We find comfort and security in our homes with carpet on the floors, a soft, warm bed, and all the amenities we need. It is easy to be comfortable in a home, we have to work at it in the sukkah. Every year Dr. David Mendelssohn provides the incoming HUC students in Jerusalem with one piece of advice, “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” Although he was speaking about living in Israel, which is not always easy, this phrase also applies to our experience of Sukkot. Each and every year we are supposed to sit and dwell in a booth which, unlike our homes, is open to the elements, which is not

23 Richard Bach, from "Illusions,"http://www.awakin.org/read/view.php?tid=575. ​

22 always as safe and secure as we would like. For one week a year, we are prompted by G-d to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. After residing in the sukkah, we have become more and more open to accepting that there are things in our lives which we cannot control. We are impacted by the wind and the rain, and our hearts are more open to guests. We are more open period. How much more so are our hearts open to acknowledging the grief that often remains dormant in our hearts than when we sit comfortable in our homes. At the same time, if we are supposed to be vulnerable and re-engage with our ​ loss on Yizkor, why is Sukkot known as Zman Simchateinu, the Time of our joy? While many names of Jewish holidays are somewhat self explanatory, this one maybe isn’t as easy to understand. Additional names for Passover include Chag HaMatzot- Festival of Matzah, Chag HaCheirut-Festival of Freedom, or Chag Aviv-Festival of Spring, all easily which apply to Pesach. But, wouldn’t zman simchateinu apply more readily to Simchat Torah? It is easy to see why we should be joyful during Pesach, after all, we were freed from slavery in Egypt, let’s celebrate. In contrast, during Sukkot we are commemorating the Israelites wandering the desert for forty years. Somehow that just doesn’t quite equate with joy. Unsurprisingly, the rabbis of the Talmud had similar questions. In Tractate Sukkot (11b), Rabbi Eliezer and Rabbi Akiva disagree on the purpose of Sukkot and how it relates to joy. Rabbi Eliezer argues that the reason we celebrate the holiday because of the miracle of G-ds divine presence, in the form of a cloud, protected the Israelites from harm. Rabbi Akiva, on the other hand, argued that the Israelites dwelt in Sukkot because it reminds us of our fragile existence, demonstrating that we need physical protection. Rabbi Sarah Weissman of Congregation Beth Am in Los Altos Hills, CA, argues that “Rabbi Eliezer and Rabbi Akiva are both right, and the sukkahs we build today remind us of both the fragile, sometimes uncertain nature of our existence, and the Divine presence that surrounds and shelters us. Sometimes, we experience God’s presence like the miraculous clouds of glory, strong and impenetrable. And sometimes, God’s presence is like a sukkah: we can still feel the sun and wind and rain, but in order for a sukkah to be kosher, it must provide more shade than sun, more shelter than exposure. On Sukkot, we build sukkahs, reminding us that even in times of uncertainty and trouble, God’s sheltering presence can be with us to comfort and support us through those times” making Sukkot deserving of the name, z’man simchateinu, a time of our rejoicing.”24 ​ ​ While this a perfectly good reason for connecting the time of our rejoicing to Sukkot there may be one other argument to be made. Not only is Sukkot a holiday which represents our vulnerability and the comforting presence of G-d in our grief, but it is also a time of bitter sweetness. After all, by this time in Sukkot we are nearing the end of the holidays. We have gone through the motions, yet another year, or a first

24 Rabbi Sarah Weissman, "Z’man Simchateinu": Rejoicing in God’s Sukkah, (2 October 2015), https://www.betham.org/sermon/z%E2%80%99man-simchateinu-rejoicing-god%E2%80%99s-sukkah. ​

23 year without our loved ones. So, just as joyful as we may feel in the sukkah, so too do we feel sadness at the absence in our lives. We are told by psychologists that we can in fact carry joy and grief together. According to Dr. Nancy Berns in her article in Psychology Today, “We have the ​ ​ capacity to carry complicated emotions. Remembering people who have died is not disrespectful to those still living. And it does not keep us from living a full life and loving others.”25 This concept can be difficult to understand if someone hasn’t experienced it before, and yet we all come to experience it over the course of our lifetimes. Often at the outset of grief we find ourselves thinking that we will just get over it. In a year we will be healed, and yet that isn’t so. No matter how many simchas we experience in our lives that loss, the absence of that person is ever present in the background. In her article, Dr. Berns includes anecdotes from an interview with a man named Tim. In it, Tim describes his experience with grief fifteen years following the death of his wife. He speaks of his grief even after being happily remarried with children and grandchildren. He says, “Imagine if you basically had your heart ripped out. And it hurts, it really hurts, and then it scabs over. And as it scabs over, you know, the pain is less but any little thing knocks the scab off. As time goes by, it takes more to knock the scab off. But when it gets knocked off, then it hurts just as bad as it did the first time. So it’s been 15 years now and the scab is pretty well on there, but it could still get knocked off. And it hurts.” Berns then asks Tim what sometimes knocks off the scab. According to her, “His response reflected what a lot of people share about events that trigger grief: weddings, grandchildren, special memories, or hearing a person’s familiar laugh ​ ​ ​ in a crowd.” She goes to say that, “Part of our ongoing grief comes from milestone loss. There are special times, milestone events in our lives, when the absence of loved ones is particularly painful. We can still have joy in those events, such as getting married, having children, or watching graduations. But there is also the intense presence of loss when you know someone else should have been there to experience the joy with you.” Although Sukkot may not be a lifecycle event or a significant milestone in our lives, it does mark the cycle of Jewish time, the cycle we have lived through with our families, and when they are absent there is a often a bitter-sweetness that enters our lives in that moment. Just as happy as we can be to be celebrating Z’man Simchateinu, the time of our joy, we can also hold in our hearts that sense of grief that remains with us always. It may not be as intense as it once was, but it is with us, just as a part of our loved ones remain in our hearts long after they are gone. Dr. Berns writes, “In our hearts and minds, we carry forward those who have died. We grieve because we loved. We remember because we still love, even as we bring new relationships—and

25 Nancy Berns, “We Can Carry Grief and Joy Together,” (13 April 2012), ​ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-grieve/201204/we-can-carry-grief-and-joy-togethe r.

24 new love—into our lives. In the end, we want hope, love, and joy to be stronger than grief. Still, there is room to carry sorrow and joy together.” We say Yizkor during Sukkot because it is a time of vulnerability when a part of us physically and emotionally is open to the elements, when our hearts cannot help but remember in our joy of celebration who is no longer celebrating besides us. At the same time, we need Yizkor during Sukkot because just as the Sukkah provides with shade and comfort from the sun so too are we reminded that God is always with us, that G-d’s indwelling presence can provide us with comfort wherever we are in our stage of grief, whether our grief is recent or from decades ago. As we enter into Yizkor today on Shmini Atzeret and as we begin to say goodbye to our holiday, and prepare for Simchat Torah beginning this evening, may we all find that we are able to for some stretch of time to be open and vulnerable, to being able to be comfortable with being uncomfortable with the challenge of holding grief and joy at the same time, giving ourselves permission to experience the bittersweetness of life that our tradition affords us today. May all the memories of those whom we recall today, be for a blessing. Chag sameach.

25 Jews and BBQ We’re getting ready it for it, the second annual Cincinnati Kosher BBQ Cook-off and Festival, and I couldn’t be more excited. Going to college in Memphis, at Rhodes College, meant that BBQ was always a topic of discussion. Afterall, just like New Orleans has Kosher Cajun, so too does Memphis have Kosher BBQ. For the last 29 years, the Anshe Sephard Beth El Emeth World Kosher BBQ Festival has brought Jews of all denominations, affiliations, and organizations together to celebrate BBQ and to do one of our favorite things, to eat. Last year, Adath Israel held our first Kosher BBQ cook-off and festival, and this year, it’s going to be even bigger and better than the last. Teams from all across the Jewish community are going to be competing to see who can make the best Kosher BBQ. What you may not know is that BBQ far predates the food traditions of Memphis, Texas, St. Louis, Kansas City, or even South Carolina. In the Mishnah, we read about how the priests were to cook and eat the Passover sacrifice. The preparation involved putting the sacrifice on a spit made from the wood of a pomegranate tree rather than on a metal spit or “grid iron.”26 In some cases, the priests even basted the lamb with oil. More importantly, we learn that the Passover sacrifice could never be made for one person alone. It had to be made for a group of people. Just as we pray in a group, so too do we eat and celebrate in groups. But what about the family or individual who could not afford a lamb to slaughter for the Passover sacrifice? In Exodus 12:4, we are told that “each person should take according to the number of people in their household; everyone according to what they eat.” Thus, ensuring that everyone who needed food for Pesach was fed. So too, each year do we begin our Passover seders by saying the words, “Let all who are hungry come and eat. Let all who are needy come and celebrate this seder with us.” As we prepare for a festival of plenty, when we share our food, our BBQ, with one another, I hope we will take some time to consider donating our time and money to feeding those who will not be at our table on August 5th, those who struggle with hunger every day. We can do this by by donating to the JFS Food Pantry or to the Freestore Foodbank, in order that we may celebrate our moment of plenty with those who have so little. This year’s Kosher BBQ is becoming a tradition at Adath Israel where we come together to celebrate our synagogue community and to share our joy of food with others. While we aren’t preparing the Passover sacrifice from thousands of years ago, we are coming together to celebrate an American food tradition that has become a Jewish one. Food brings us together, and so too may this year’s Kosher BBQ cook-off and festival bring our synagogue, Jewish and larger civic communities together and remind us that we have the ability to provide for those who are hungry. “Let all who are hungry come and eat, and celebrate Kosher BBQ with us!”

26 Mishnah Moed, Pesachim 7:1-2. ​

26 Shavuot Choosing Torah Again and Again Source Sheet by Bailey Romano ​

שמות י״ט:י״ז Exodus 19:17 (17) Moses led the people out of the camp ֹ ֹ (יז) וַיּוֵֹצ֨א מ ֶשׁ֧ה ֶאת־ ָה ָע֛ם ִלְק ַר֥את ָֽה ֱאל ִ֖הים toward God, and they stood at the at the ִמן־ ַה ַמּ ֲחנֶ֑ה וַיְִּתיְַצּב֖וּ ְבּ ַת ְח ִתּ֥ית ָה ָהר׃ .bottom of the mountain

How does this text relate to Shavuot? "And they stood in the bottom of the mountain."

.is related to the word for under-בתחתית-The word in Hebrew

The ancient rabbis said that this teaches us that God held the mountain over the Israelites and said to them: "If you accept the Torah, fine. But if you don't, then here shall you die!"

What is the problem with this text? The implications of this passage were troubling to the other talmudic sages.

One rabbi argued that this would be a major problem for following the laws of the Torah, since according to Jewish law a commitment made under threat, and if so is not a real contract.

אסתר ט׳:כ״ז Esther 9:27 (כז) ִקיְּמ֣וּ וקבל [וְִקְבּל֣וּ] ַהיְּהוִּדים֩ ׀ ֲעֵלי ֶה֨ם the Jews established and and committed (27) ׀ וְַעל־ַז ְר ָע֜ם וְַע֨ל ָכּל־ ַהנְִּלוִ֤ים ֲעֵלי ֶהם֙ וְלֹ֣א .themselves and their descendants יֲַעב֔וֹר ִל ְהי֣וֹת עִֹשׂ֗ים ֵא֣ת ְשׁנֵ֤י ַהיִָּמים֙ ָה ֵאֶ֔לּה ִכְּכ ָתָב֖ם וְִכְז ַמנָּ֑ם ְבָּכל־ ָשׁנָ֖ה וְ ָשׁנָה׃ The Babylonian Sage Rava solved the problem by arguing that the real acceptance of the Torah took place in the time of Mordecai and Esther, when "the Jews reaccepted the law for themselves and for their children" (Esther 9:27).

Rava seems to be saying that we should be suspicious of contracts made out of fear, to the accompaniment of thunder and lightning.

What is more important and lasting is the carefully considered decision made at a time when God's glory is not so visible, as was the case in the time of the Purim story.

Source Sheet created on Sefaria by Bailey Romano ​ Circle of Friends

27 10.24.18 Time: 1 hour Participants: 15-19 Set up: Library-Chairs around table

Schedule: 7:30-7:40 Barbara Introduces Bailey/Introductions 7:40-7:45 Barbara Reads the Rules 7:45-7:55 Text Study 7:55-8:15 Mourning in Jewish Tradition 8:15-8:25 Questions 8:25-8:30 Wrap Up Text ______Schedule: 7:30-7:35 Snacks/Coffee

7:35-7:40 Intros Barbara Introduces Bailey Introduction of Names and Losses 7:40-7:45 Barbara Reads the Rules 7:45-7:55 Text-Sukkot Yizkor Sermon

Intro text The following text was included in my Yizkor Sermon on Shmini Atzeret. The text itself is a reponse given to Dr. Nancy Berns, a clinical pyschologist, who conducted an interview with a man named Tim, whose wife had died 15 years before. “Imagine if you basically had your heart ripped out. And it hurts, it really hurts, and then it scabs over. And as it scabs over, you know, the pain is less but any little thing knocks the scab off. As time goes by, it takes more to knock the scab off. But when it gets knocked off, then it hurts just as bad as it did the first time. So it’s been 15 years now and the scab is pretty well on there, but it could still get knocked off. And it hurts.” Nancy Berns, “We Can Carry Grief and Joy Together,” Psychology Today, ​ ​ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-grieve/201204/we-can-carry-grie f-and-joy-together.

7:55-8:15 Mourning in Jewish Tradition Unlike many other religions, Judaism includes very specific instructions for mourning. These practices were intended by the rabbis to guide us through our grief and to provide us with comfort and support.

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What are some Jewish rituals associated with mourning?

Shiva Public vs. private mourning The rabbis recognized that there was a difference between public and private mourning. Saying Kaddish: Kaddish appears in our siddurim 13 times a day. It concludes major sections of our prayers, and each prayer service.

What are some things we know about the words of the Kaddish prayer? *Pass out handout

Kaddish Yatom is a special Kaddish which translates not to the Mourner’s Kaddish, which is what we usually call it, but to the Orphan’s Kaddish.

The prayer is not in Hebrew, but in Aramaic, in an effort to make it more relatable. Mourner’s Kaddish-Kaddish Yatom History of Kaddish Meaning/translation No mention of death. In ancient times the rabbi would go to the back of the synagogue to be with the mourners to provide direct consolation, nechamah. The beginning of the prayer begins by admitting that the workings of the world are only known to God, and that it remains a mystery to us. The prayer ends with words that Job’s friends share with him in his loss, Oseh Shalom bimromav, that the one who makes peace on high can bring peace to us and to all the world.

The prayer reminds us that we are not alone, as we stand with other mourners reciting the same words, whose repetition become almost like a meditation.

8:15-8:25 Questions

8:25-8:30 Wrap Up Text

“Part of our ongoing grief comes from milestone loss. There are special times, milestone events in our lives, when the absence of loved ones is particularly painful. We can still have joy in those events, such as getting married, having children, or

29 watching graduations. But there is also the intense presence of loss when you know someone else should have been there to experience the joy with you.” Nancy Berns, “We Can Carry Grief and Joy Together,” Psychology Today, ​ ​ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-grieve/201204/we-can-carry-grie f-and-joy-together. ​

Question: What is one milestone you really wished your loved one could have shared with you? Or, what is one milestone you are looking forward to that you wish your loved one could attend? How did you/how will you acknowledge your loss in those moments of joy?

Kaddish Yatom The Orphan's Kaddish ​

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Mourner: May G-d’s great name be exalted and sanctified ​

Congregation: Amen. ​

Mourner: in the world that G-d has created according to G-d’s will, and may G-d’s sovereignty be made sovereign in our lifetimes and our days, and in the lifetime of all the House of Israel swiftly and in a near time, and let us say Amen.

Congregation: Amen. ​

Congregation and Mourner: May G-d’s great name be blessed forever, and forever and ​ ever.

Mourner: Blessed and praised, adorned and elevated, carried above, beautiful, raised up ​ and hymned - so may the name of the Holy One (blessed be G-d) be made - [Congregation: Blessed be G-d.] - above all blessings and songs, praises and ​ ​ consolations which may be said in the world. And say let us say, Amen.

Congregation: Amen. ​

Let there be great peace from heaven and life upon us and upon all Israel. And let us say, Amen.

Congregation: Amen. ​

May the One who makes peace in the heights make peace upon us and upon all Israel. And let us say Amen.

Congregation: Amen. ​ ​

31 13 Reasons Why Not Making for Yourself a Good Name Reputation

משלי כ״ב:א׳ (א) נְִב ָח֣ר ֵשׁ֭ם ֵמעֶֹ֣שׁר רָ֑ב ִמֶכּ֥ ֶסף וּ֝ ִמָזּ ָה֗ב ֵח֣ן ֽטוֹב׃ Proverbs 22:1 (1) Reputation (lit. chosen name) is preferable to great wealth, Grace is better than silver and gold.

Discussion Questions: 1. According to the rabbis our reputation or our good name are better than wealth, do you agree? Why or why not? 2. Why are our reputations so important?

קוהלת רבה ז׳:א׳ טוֹב ֵשׁם ִמ ֶשּׁ ֶמן טוֹב, ֶשׁ ֶמן טוֹב יוֹרֵד, וְ ֵשׁם טוֹב עוֶֹלה. ֶשׁ ֶמן טוֹב ִל ְשׁ ָעתוֹ, וְ ֵשׁם טוֹב ְלעוָֹלם. [...] אָ ַמר ַרִבּי יְהוָּדה ְבּ ַרִבּי ִסימוֹן ָמִצינוּ ַבֲּעֵלי ֶשׁ ֶמן טוֹב נְִכנְסוּ ִל ְמקוֹם ַחיִּים וְיְָצאוּ ֵהם ְשׂרוּ ִפין, וַּבֲעֵלי ֵשׁם טוֹב נְִכנְסוּ ִל ְמקוֹם ֵמ ִתים וְיְָצאוּ ַחיִּים, נָָדב וֲַאִביהוּא, נְִכנְסוּ ִל ְמקוֹם ַחיִּים וּ ֵמתוּ, ֲחנַנְיָה ִמי ָשׁ ֵאל וֲַעַז ְריָה, נְִכנְסוּ ְלאַתּוּן נוּרָא וְיְָצאוּ ַחיִּים.

Kohelet Rabbah 7:1 A good name is better than good oil. Good oil goes down and a good name goes up. Good oil last for this hour and a good name last forever. [...] Rabbi Yehuda said in the name of Rabbi Simon: it is known that one who owns good oil enters into the place of the living and leaves burned. And those who own a good name enter into a place of the dead and leave alive. For example, Nadav and Avihu, enter a living place and die. And Chananya, Mishael and Azaria enter into an oven and leave alive.

Discussion Questions: 1. How can having a good reputation help you to "live" in the world? 2. How can our reputations be damaged? Is there a way to fix our reputations?

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Pirkei Avot 4:13 (13) Rabbi Yehuda says: Be careful in study, for an error in study is considered an intentional transgression. Rabbi Shimon says: There are three crowns: the crown of Torah, the crown of priesthood and the crown of monarchy - but the crown of a good name outweighs them all.

Kohelet Rabbah 7:3 A person has three names: one that they are called by their father and mother, one that people know them by, and one that they acquire for themselves.

Discussion Questions: 1. How do your parents perceive your reputation? 2. How do your peers view your reputation? 3. How do you want other people to see you? How do you protect the name and reputation you want for yourself? 4. How can we not get lost in how other people see us?

Source Sheet created on Sefaria by Bailey Romano ​ Based on a sheet by Evan Sheinhait ​ ​ ​

33 2nd Grade Adath Israel Israel Curriculum

Enduring Understanding: We, the Jewish people, are connected to the land of Israel.

Goals: Students will develop a basic understanding of Israel as a place, and how they are connected to it and the Jewish people. Students will begin to develop Ahavat Yisrael, love of Israel. Students will be introduced to Israel as a geographic, historical, and modern place with diverse people and cultures.

Objectives: Students will recall that Israel is the home of the Jewish people. Students will recall that Israel is the Jewish state and that it is very small. Students will recall how to locate Israel and Jerusalem on a map. Students will recall that Israel is partly desert and that there is a water shortage. Students will demonstrate familiarity with a simple version of the history of Israel. Students will be introduced to the concept of the kibbutz. Students will be introduced to the idea of the halutzim, the pioneers. Students will describe the importance and centrality of Jerusalem, capital of Israel – for the Jewish people and for Judaism. Students will be able to explain that the Western Wall in Jerusalem, is the holiest site in the world for Jews. Students will demonstrate a working knowledge of regions and cities in Israel including; Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, Haifa, Eilat, and the regions of the Galilee, the Judean Desert, and the Negev. Students will be able to articulate that there are 4 major bodies of water in Israel including the Mediterranean Sea, the Dead Sea, the Jordan River, and the Kinneret. Students will be able to express that 3 main religions live in Israel; Jews, Christians & Islam. Students will recall the symbols of Israel: Flag, Tree, seal, emblem. Students will be familiar with and be able to sing Hatikvah, the Israeli national anthem. Students will identify Israel as the Jewish state and be able to tell the year of Israel’s independence. Students will become familiar with some elements of Israeli culture related to food, music, and art. Students will express Ahavat Yisrael, love of Israel. Students will be able to articulate ways they can help Israel.

Learning Experiences: Passport to Israel Program

34 Make models of Israel or Jerusalem. Skype or facetime with Israelis Invite students to share pictures their family has taken in Israel. Make a Western Wall, and write prayers and insert them. Listen to and become familiar with Israeli music. Learn or be introduced to Israeli dancing. Take a virtual reality tour of sites in Israel. Take a mock tour of Israel complete with hats and sunglasses, and the classroom set up as if the class was an El Al plane on its way to Israel.

Introducing Israel Students will be introduced to Israel as a historical and modern country. Students will begin to cultivate a love of Israel. Students will be introduced to the geography and major cities of Israel. Students will be able to point to Israel on a map. Students will be able to point out Jerusalem on a map. Students will experience “going to Israel” in some way.

Learning Experiences: Traveling to Israel: Students receive their passports Watch a video as if they were on the plane landing in Israel El-Al flight over Israel-landing in Ben Gurion Airport https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuZIx1_dfYI Eat Israeli snacks on the “plane” Integrate basic Hebrew phrases into the lesson that students might hear in Israel Show pictures of different sites/cities in Israel students will be learning about. Have them ask questions about the sites. Have students learn a Hebrew song like Achim Chaverim to welcome them to “Israel.” Have students interact with a very large map of Israel with the various sites they’ll learn about marked on the map. Have students try to find sites for: Tel Aviv, Haifa, The Galilee, Jerusalem The Judean Desert, Dead Sea, Eilat.

Tel Aviv Students will be able to point to where Tel Aviv is on the map. Students will explore important historical and modern sites in Tel Aviv. Students will be familiar with beach culture in Tel Aviv, specifically with the game Matkot. Students will be familiar with the importance of technology in Tel Aviv. Students will be familiar with Independence hall. Students will be familiar with Shuk HaCarmel. Students will be familiar with Jaffa.

Learning Experiences: Set up stations in the classroom where students can learn about and explore different parts of Tel Aviv. Some stations might include a virtual tour of Tel Aviv, playing Matkot, research

35 architecture in Tel Aviv, learn about Independence Hall, Shuk HaCarmel, Beit Hakfutzot, or the Palmach Museum.

Haifa Students will recall where Haifa is on a map of Israel. Students will be able to articulate that Haifa is the third largest city in Israel. Students will be able to explain that Haifa is a diverse city. Students will be able to articulate that Jews, Christians, Muslims, Druze, and Bahai coexist in Haifa peacefully. Students will be able to identify Haifa as a major port in Israel. Students will be associate the Technion, Israel’s prestigious science and technology university with Haifa. Students will identify the Bahai shrine as the most impressive structure in Haifa. Students will be able to explain that Haifa is located on a mountain. Students will be able to explain that Haifa is located on Mt. Carmel. Students will be able to articulate that the Namal, meaning port, is the lowest part of Mt. Carmel. Students will be able to explain that Hadar haCarmel is the middle layer of the mountain. Students will be able to identify Har HaCarmel as the top layer of the mountain of the city.

Learning Experiences: Create a model of Haifa Have stations where students can explore Haifa through various activities representing each location: Technion-have students create Rube Goldberg machines with things that are in the classroom, Port-have students research various things that are imported and exported in Haifa, Diversity-have students explore the Beit Hagefen website and watch their Youtube video.

The Galilee Students will be familiar with Northern Israel; including the cities of Tzfat and Tiberias. Students will be familiar with forests created by JNF. Students will be able to explain that the Kinneret is the only freshwater lake in Israel. Students will be able to identify Tzfat as a center for Jewish art. Students will be able to identify the Tzofim as the Israeli scouts.

Learning Experiences: Learn about Yom Tov Blumenthal’s Art Gallery, and have students create their own art. Create candles based on the Safed Candle factory Have students choose an artist from Tzfat to create a project based on. Create art like in the artist colony

Jerusalem Students will be introduced to both sides of Jerusalem, the old and the new. Students will be introduced to the Knesset. Students will be able to recognize the emblem of the state of Israel. Students will be able to identify King David with Jerusalem.

36 Students will be able to explain that the Western Wall (Kotel) is the last remaining wall of the Temple. Students will be able to articulate that the Western Wall (Kotel) is the holiest place in the world for Jews. Students will be able to explain that Shabbat in Jerusalem is unlike Shabbat anywhere else in the world.

Learning Experiences: Students can explore Jerusalem through Google cardboard https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mR9rTrMHNZ4 Watch real time footage of the Western Wall Take a virtual tour of exhibits at the Israel Museum in Jerusalem https://www.google.com/culturalinstitute/beta/search?q=Israel%20museum Show pictures of modern elements of Jerusalem like the Light Rail and Cinema City. Create a kotel in the classroom for students to put notes in. Prepare for Shabbat by going to the “Shuk,” making challah, and “beginning Shabbat” with the Shabbat siren.

The Judean Desert Students will be able to identify the Dead Sea on a map. Students will be able to explain that archaeology is a process of sorting out materials into the right ages. Students will be familiar with Masada as an important archaeological site in Israel. Students will be able to articulate that Masada is a mountain top fortress where Jews resisted the Romans who had destroyed the second Temple. Students will learn that the Dead Sea is the lowest point on earth. Students will be able to explain that the Dead Sea is the saltiest body of water in the world. Students will be able to articulate that anything put in the Dead Sea will float. Students will be able to articulate that Ein Gedi is an oasis in the Judean Desert. Students will be able to explain that Qumran is a place in the Judean Desert where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found.

Learning Activities: Do an experiment with salt, water, and making things float. Have a mock archaeological dig with items from the Negev for students to uncover. Create an escape room for students that helps them to learn about Masada, Qumran, and the Dead Sea Scrolls. Do a virtual tour of Masada. Create a model of Masada.

Eilat and the Negev Students will be able to articulate that Eilat is the most southern city in Israel. Student will be able to explain that sports like scuba diving are very popular in Eilat.

37 Students will be able to identify the city of Beer Sheva on a map of Israel. Students will be able to identify the region of the Negev on a map of Israel. Students will be able to articulate that the Negev is a desert and has very little water. Students will be able to explain that drip irrigation helps the desert produce fruit and vegetables. Students will be able to explain that the Ramon Crater is an important natural landmark in Israel. Students will be able to identify Mitzpeh Ramon as the view from the rim of the Ramon Crater. Students will learn that Bedouins, nomadic Muslims, live in the Negev, sometimes in tents.

Learning Activities: Create a bedouin tent experience where students can sit on cushions and eat middle eastern food. Do a virtual reality scuba diving experience. Have students create a model of the Ramon Crater. Research drip irrigation and Arava Research and Development.

Israeli Culture Students will become familiar with Israeli currency and some of the figures and symbols that can be found on Israeli coins and paper money. Students will be introduced to Israeli products which might include: Ahava, Krembo, Pesakzman, Klik, Poprocks chocolate, bisli, bamba (not to be eaten), hummus, pita, tahini, Shoko. Students will be introduced to the concept of a “shuk” or outdoor market. Students will be introduced to Israeli music and dancing some songs might include: Mayim Mayim, Hora, Lo Ahavti Dai, Yismechu HaShamayim, Ani V’Atah. Students will be introduced to famous artists in Israel: Yaacov Agam, Menashe Kadishman, Solomon Souza, Hanoch Piven, Nahum Gutman, and Kakadu Studios.

Learning Experiences: Create a shuk where students can buy Israeli foods/snacks with shekels. Make Israeli food for kids to take home and include recipes for parents. Teach an Israeli song and dance. Create artwork based on famous Israeli artists.

Celebrating Israel: Yom HaAtzmaut Students will become familiar with the story of the establishment of the state of Israel. Students will learn that Yom HaAtzmaut is like American Independence Day, July 4th. Students will learn that all Israelis serve in the IDF.

Learning Experiences: Create Yom HaAtzmaut streamers, pinwheels, or wind socks. Watch a BimBam video about Yom Ha’Atzmaut Write a poem about freedom. Have a Yom HaAtzmaut Poster Contest. Decorate hats or t-shirts to wear on Yom HaAtzmaut.

38 Bar Mitzvah Charge

The first time I met you, Ben, I knew we would really enjoy learning together. At that first meeting, at your parents house, before we could sit down and get to work, you had to figure out the best snack to go with studying Torah-apples with lemon juice. Between mouthfuls of “healthy sour patch kids” apples, we started working together. Ben, this moment, this story, really demonstrates many aspects about your personality and about the young man you have become. You are creative, silly, and you think of out the box, but you are also very committed to your work and to your responsibilities. While you diligently prepared for your Bar Mitzvah, you also continued to be a great student and athlete. Not only that, but when your wrist got a little banged up a month or so ago, you kept playing and you kept learning. You are not only a team player, you are also a role model. Your work at Back to the Wild, especially your great turtle stories, show your sense of humor, but also your devotion to making the world a better place for people and for animals. It has been such a pleasure getting to know you, Ben, over the last few months. Our studies together have been filled with funny food adventures including apples dipped in lemon juice, as well as the admission that you really really like store bought ​ ​ matzah (You’re probably the first person to admit to that), hard work, and many high fives. Our studies together demanded a lot of hard work, but you earned every FaceTime and Real time high five, and all of your efforts really paid off today. Ben, today, you have become Bar Mitzvah. And as bar mitzvah, you have taken responsibility for your Judaism, and in doing so you performed a mitzvah for your community. Today you have led your family and friends in tefilah, prayer--bringing your unique voice and adding it to that of the Jewish people. Becoming Bar Mitzvah is not an end to a process, but rather a beginning. This evening you have set out on your journey towards finding your Judaism, and defining who you will become as a member of the Jewish people. Over the last year, you have spent many hours working on your Torah portion and on your prayers, but you’ve also learned to ask questions, and to begin to define yourself by the answers you have found on your own and the answers you have gained from your teachers. Today you are a man in the eyes of the Torah, but that doesn’t mean that your journey is at an end. To signify your own journey and your search for questions and answers, I present you with a copy of the Jewish Book of Why. May it serve you well, and guide you to find your own answers and your own Judaism throughout your lifetime. My hope for you, Ben, is that you will always find meaning in your Judaism, that today will be a continuation and not an end to the questions you ask, the tzedakah you do, and your never ending effort to be a positive role model both on and off the field. May you always be a part of the Jewish community here at Oheb Shalom, in Elyria, as well as at Goldman Union Camp, and may your talents always be a blessing for your family and friends and for the Jewish people.

39 יְָבֶרְכָך יְיָ וְיְִשׁ ְמֶרָך May God bless you and keep you. יֵָאר יְיָ ָפּנָיו ֵאֶל ָיך וִ ֻיחנֶָּךּ May God make Her face shine upon you and be gracious to you. יִָשׂא יְיָ ָפּנָיו ֵאֶל ָיך וְיָ ֵשׂם ְלָך ָשׁלוֹם May God cause His face to be always before you and bring you peace. And let us say: Amen. ​ ​

40 Hesped

At the rising sun and at its going down; We remember them. At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter; We remember them. At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring; We remember them. At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer; We remember them. At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn; We remember them. At the beginning of the year and when it ends; We remember them. As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as We remember them.

We are never prepared for the death of a loved one, and it is an emotional experience to dwell on the beauties and sorrows of life, and yet, it is our obligation to keep their ​ memory alive, to make their life a blessing. In this way, today we come together to ​ remember, Philip. Phil was a beloved partner, father, and grandfather and friend. He was a man who never stopped moving, who loved with all his heart, and who felt deeply for his family and friends. Phil was born on January 8th, 1926 to Anna and Immanuel in Toledo, Ohio. Phil was born long after his three older brothers were already grown and in college. Because his mother wasn’t well, his brothers, Walter, Stanford and Ralph essentially raised him. They were all very close, and as such, Phil remained close with his nieces and nephew Louise, Tom and Marlene after his brothers’ passing. Phil attended Scott High School in Toledo and then later Toledo University where he majored in business, however Phil never finished college and ran away and got married. Phil would go on to have three daughters, and five grandchildren. After leaving college, Phil joined his brother’s companies, the Walford Department stores. Towards the end of World War II, Phil served in the army at the Oakland Army Base. Phil was supposed to be shipped to Japan, but then the war ended and Phil never got on the ship and instead he went home to Ohio. Phil ended up in Port Clinton, Ohio by working for his brothers’ stores. Later, he would go on to open the Pet Bizarre and Pet Doc. After he sold his businesses and retired the first time, Phil went into real estate and worked for another 15 years. Gretchen says that the only reason he left real estate was because “When everything went to computers, it got to be a bit much.” Anyone who knows Phil knows that Phil was a people person full of energy. Gretchen remembers how Phil loved to meet new people, and he could always find someone he knew. Once when she was younger, Gretchen asked, “Dad, do you have to talk to everybody everywhere we go?” Phil was known as somewhat of an energizer bunny, after all he retired the first time and worked on for another 15 years! He really liked being busy. He just wouldn’t stop, and he was a FAAAST walker. As a kid, Gretchen said she had to run to keep up with him, he just walked sooo fast. Throughout his life, Phil was an active member of a number of organizations. He was on the Board of the Salvation Army and the Board of the Retirement Community where he helped to establish the gift shop. Phil was also a dedicated member of Temple Oheb Shalom where he served as the Temple treasurer for many years. Phil was also an amazing grandfather. He read countless books with his grandsons, and many times, according to Gretchen, his toy soldiers would be set out for the boys to

41 play with as soon as they got there, almost as if they were an excuse for them to come over. Phil was also the first one to get in the pool with the little kids. He was always willing to walk around the pool with the kids on his back, always ready to play, to be the best grandfather he could be. All of Gretchen’s friends remember Phil having popcorn. Everyday after work, he would come home pour himself a glass of scotch and make a bowl of popcorn. Phil definitely had a sweet tooth. He was always up for ice cream. Sometimes, when Gretchen was growing up, he would get up to go get her ice cream at 10pm at night, but he was really the one who wanted ice cream. In Phil’s last days, he couldn’t eat much, but he could eat ice cream. Gretchen recalled saying, “Dad, you waited your whole life to be on an ice cream diet, and now you are.” Phil also had strong beliefs about how to load the dishwasher. If you didn’t load it properly, aka his way, he would go back and load the dishwasher again. Gretchen says “He was just crazy about the dishwasher. It had to be there just so.” He believed cleaning the kitchen was his job and no one else could do it the right way. Phil and Nancy, his beloved partner, met while Nancy was working at the Salvation Army. For two years she flirted with him with no luck. One day, however, Nancy walked out into the hall while Phil was getting directions for a campaign, and Phil asked her if she’d like to have dinner sometime. Nancy was thrilled. Her secretary said, “I thought he’d never ask you.” And, they’d been together since. Phil loved Nancy and his family very deeply. Phil would always say to Nancy and to Gretchen, “I love you, babydoll.” Phil felt very deeply and he cried easily. Nancy recalled him crying on a trip to a Synagogue in Budapest, where his family was from, and when each of his grandchildren were born, and sometimes just in waking up in the morning. He was filled with love and feeling. Phil was also very devoted to Judaism. The last time I spoke with Phil in May, he spoke with such devotion regarding his faith in Judaism. He had always grown up around other Jews, and everyone he knew in his neighborhood growing up was Jewish. He grew up knowing the importance of belonging to a synagogue, and he valued that very much. As some of you may know, Phil’s Hebrew name was Pinchas. This last Shabbat we read from Parashat Pinchas. In the Torah we read that Pinchas, a righteous Jew, stopped a plague from ravaging the Israelites while they were in the desert. His faithfulness to God and to the Jewish people led God to grant Pinchas a pact of friendship which would endure throughout the generations. Pinchas and his descendants were given the priesthood as a reward for their service and for Pinchas’ love and devotion to God and to his fellow Jews. Like Pinchas, Phil was fully dedicated to his Judaism. He always felt, no matter where he was, that he was a Jew, and that Jewish community was important to him. He loved coming to Temple and being with his Temple Oheb Shalom community. His love of Judaism, his love of family friends, and community remind us of our own need for something greater than ourselves. Phil brought so much joy and love into the world. He will be dearly missed by all who loved him, especially Nancy his dear and caring partner, his beloved daughter, and by his dear grandchildren. Just like Pinchas,

42 may Phil’s memory live on through each one of you and through all of us, as we hope to live our lives with as much love, joy, and depth as he did.

Zichono L’vracha: May his memory always be for a blessing.

43 Conversion: Immersion Ceremony Based on Ritual Well

We are gathered here to serve as witness, as representatives of the Jewish people, to be with you as you enter the waters of the mikveh.

In our tradition, water has always played a pivotal role. There is something elemental about it. Before the world was created, there existed the presence of God hovering over the surface of the water.

When, in the time of Noah, God wished to make a new beginning of life on earth, the foundations of the deep were opened and waters came forth, returning the earth to its pristine beginnings.

Our patriarchs and matriarchs met at the well, for the source of water was the center of community life. Thus the well, the source of water marked the promise of new beginnings in their lives.

Water is also a sign of redemption in our people’s history. It was the water of the Red Sea that parted and allowed us to go forth from bondage into freedom.

Water is also a symbol of sustenance. Miriam, the sister of Moses, was deemed to be so righteous, that during her lifetime, when the Israelites wandered the wilderness, God caused a well, Miriam’s well, to accompany the people and sustain them with water.

And finally, water in our rabbinic tradition, represents learning and knowledge. We are taught, that as water brings life to the world, so too the Torah brings life to the world.

As you enter the living waters of the mikvah here today, we pray that you continue to immerse yourself in the living waters of our tradition.

As the waters surround you and touch you with their warm embrace, know that the Jewish people embrace you and warmly welcome you into our midst. As you enter the waters in peace, may you emerge as a source of peace to your family, to your congregation, and to the Jewish people.

44 Iyunnim

Let me rest for a while, just a moment, a moment to be still, a moment to be with you, a moment to be nowhere else but here. Words long gone linger in my ears, “This moment, is the last moment exactly like this one, you will ever have. Savor it. Enjoy it. Then let it go.” God, let me savor this moment. Let these words wash over me, comfort me, and take me in. Help me, if only for a moment, to truly be, nothing else but me, and then to let go.

Sometimes it is difficult for us to see past the darkness, past the almost endless negativity of our world, and yet there remain glimmers of light in each of our lives; the laugh of a grandchild, the love of a spouse, the companionship of friends, the strength of the human spirit. This Shabbat may we be filled with light, the light of joy and hope for the future, the light of love and compassion for all we meet. May we be like the Israelites in Egypt, as they were in their darkest hour, bringing light and hope into the darkness.

In a world so torn by violence and pain, we cry out for peace. We pray for the strength to live in this world, where peace seems always out of reach. We pray that you might comfort and strengthen those whose daily fight to bring about peace in our world is an endless struggle. We pray for those whose lives have been torn apart by violence and pain, and who seek only to find peace and comfort in the beautiful world You created. Oh God, it is our sincerest wish that you might grant peace not only to us, but also to those who seek your presence in the time of their need. And may we find, that our prayers, and the prayers of all who seek peace are intermingled with your love and blessing over your people Israel and over all the world.

45 Tot Shabbat Service Outline 10:30-11:10 ● Intros ● Hand out shakers ● Hold your shakers like bim bam builders! ● March around singing Bim Bam ​ ● Get into circle and sit. ● Who can tell me what we’re celebrating today? ● Yes, today is Shabbat! ● Whenever we come together it is important to learn each other’s names, especially since I’m new. Since, Shabbat is here, we’re going to sing a song AND learn each others names. ● Shabbat is here (names) ● Every morning when we wake up we stretch. Stretch with me. And every morning when we get up, we thank God for waking up. Our prayer Modeh Ani helps us to say thank you God for this new day! ● Modeh ani ● Raise your hand if you live in a house. Raise your hand if you’ve ever gone camping. Raise your hand if you’ve ever been in a tent!? Well, a long long LOONG time ago Jews used to live in tents, and each morning when they woke up, people would walk outside and say, “Wow! Your tent is so beautiful.” And we have a song and prayer for that. But, first we have to set up our tent. Grab a part of the parachute and spread it out in a BIG circle. Children, if and when you want to you should go sit underneath the parachute and see how beautiful our tent is! At first we’re going to go really slow, and then we’re going to go really fast. Are you ready? ● Mah tovu ● How great and fun it is to be together! Our next prayer, Hinei mah tov, means ​ ​ just that. Move with parachute up and down. ● And we sit (parent picks up parachute) ● Woah! That was fun. Our next prayer has to do with praising God, basically we are telling God how Awesome God is! ● Before we say how awesome God is, turn to your child and turn to your parents and say one thing that is awesome about them. ● Doesn’t that feel nice! ● (Get on hands and knees) When we sing hodu lashem, we jump up! ● Hallelu hallelu hodu lashem (with scarves) (jump up with hodu lashem) ​

46 ● One of our most important prayers is the Shema. We say it when we wake up and when we go to sleep. It reminds us that God is 1. Who remembers the signs we make with our hands for the Shema? Who can help me learn them? I think I remember, but I’m not sure. ● Shema (with sign language) ○ Shema = Ear ○ Scrolls = Israel ○ Waving hands in the air = God ○ Hugging self = eloheinu ○ One finger = echad ○ Say it with signs ○ Sing it with signs ○ Just signs ● Tallit ritual: Each time we pray in the mornings, adults and big kids put on a tallit, it’s like a big blanket that gives us a hug. Sometimes we think of the tallit, as if God is giving us a hug. ● Amidah-Thankfulness ○ Take a minute with your adult and tell them what you are thankful for ○ Oseh Shalom (fast) ● Torah service: Now it’s time for the Torah service! Everybody get ready to get your Torahs! ○ Torah torah torah (parade) ○ Torah pokey-(Put the Torah in, Put your Rosh in-Hebrew body parts) ● Book about Hanukkah ○ Who can tell me what holiday is coming up? ○ Ask questions about the holiday. ○ Now, we’re going to read a story about Hanukkah. ● Random Shabbat songs ○ Challah Baker’s Man ○ Chicken soup for Shabbat ○ Dinosaur knocking at my door 11:10-11:15 Young Family Kiddush 11:15-11:20 Schmooze 11:20 Return to Sanctuary for Adon Olam

47 Bailey Romano 4th Year Service 1.27.18 Page Prayer Leader Cue A/V 186 Modah Ani/Atmospheric CYS Intro Piano 185 May the door BR We join together on pg. 185 192 Ma Tovu/Shur CYS Announce 192 Piano 194 Asher Yatzar BR B'emet Yishecha 196 Elohai N'shama/Eli Schliefer BR U'mafli La'asot Piano Iyyun: Gratitude BR 198-202 Nisim B'chol Yom BR Segue 204 La'asok CYS Yisrael B'tiferet 206 Eilu D'varim/Nusach BR L'amo Yisrael Piano 212 Baruch She'amar CYS Announce 212 214 Mizmor Shir/Shur Arranged CYS Elyion Piano 214 Tzadik Katamar/Folk CYS M'hulal Batishbachot Piano 215 Ashrei/Happy Are Those Smilo BR Avlata Bo Piano 218 Psalm 150/Folk CYS Halleluyah Piano 220 Even if our mouths CYS We pray together on pg. 220 223 Yishtabach/Nusach BR Announce 223 Piano 224 Chatzi Kaddish/Nusach CYS Chei Ha'Olamim 226 Barchu/Nusach CYS Please Rise Piano, Face ark, wireless mic 229 You are praised BR We pray on the bottom of pg. Face front 229 230 Ahavah Rabah BR Yotzeir Ham'orot 232 Shma/Sulzer CYS Segue Piano 234 V'ahavta CYS L'olam Va'ed 241 Iyyun: Song and Gratitude BR 240 Mi Chamocha/Shur CYS Piano 240 Tzur Yisrael CYS Segue 242-248 Adonai S'fatai-K'dusha CYS Please rise Piano, Face

48 ark, wireless mic 250 Yismechu/Hadaya CYS Please be seated Piano, Face front 253 Where has this week BR Together on pg. 253 255 On this Holy Shabbat BR We pray on pg. 255 Iyyun 257 Modim Anachnu Lach BR We pray in the Hebrew and English on pg. 257 258 Sim Shalom/Condensed Janowski CYS Segue Piano Silent Prayer BR 260 Y'hiu L'ratzon/NFTY CYS Piano Torah Service BR Call up Ally Jacobson Brief Intro AJ 362-366 Ein Kamocha-Lecha Adonai/Shur CYS Please rise Face ark Av HaRachamim (to ark) wireless mic Ki Mitziyon CYS takes Torah out to hand to Bailey Gadlu (bow) L’cha (hakafah) Torah Summary 368 Ben Pagliaro AJ Please be seated Plaut Aliyah 1: Exodus 15:22-27 pg. Benyamin Ephraim Ben Yonatan v’ Plaut Dan Hoffheimer AJ Call up Aliyah 2: Exodus 16:1-5

371 Mi Shebeirach-Debbie AJ Segue Plaut Barbara Dragul CYS Call up Aliyah 3: Exodus 16: 6-10

370 V'zot HaTorah AJ Hagbah: Joseph Rosen Gelilah: Cara Alpern Plaut pg. Haftarah: Blessing before and after AJ Please be seated Judges 4:23-5:3

49 376 Blessing for Community Noah Source of all being Ferro 376 Blessing for country Sean Announce 376 O Guardian Sherry 377 Avinu Shebashamayim CYS Piano (Point out the daf) 374 Y'hallelu AJ Please rise Piano, Face ark wireless mic 374 Hodo/Naumborg AJ Shmo L'vado Piano 374 Eitz Chaim/Portnoy AJ Halleluyah Piano Sermon BR Please be seated Face front 586 Aleinu L'shabeach CYS Announce 586 Piano, Face ark, wireless mic 592 V'ne'emar CYS Baruch Hu Piano 598 Kaddish Yatom BR Be seated, segue Face front Announcements/Thank you's BR 625 Adon Olam/French Sephardic BR Announce 625 Piano

50 Mishkan Tefilah Service 2.20.18 Leader Page Piece H/E Cue

Bailey 128 Hinei Ma Tov H Start of Service

Bailey Words of E Welcome

Sisterhood Candle Lighting is H/E End of Welcome Read 120 Candle Lighting Binder

Bailey 126 I begin with a E prayer

138 L’cha Dodi H Now we welcome (slow one) Shabbat and the Sabbath bride with the singing of Lecha Dodi, verses 1,2, and 9

Bailey 144 Chatzi Kaddish H We join together for the Chatzi Kaddish on pg. 69.

146 Barchu Siegel H We rise for the Bailey Barechu and turn to pg. 50.

Bailey 148 Maariv Aravim End of Bar’chu

Bailey 150 Ahavat Olam E We continue with the Shema on pg. 152. We rise.

51 153 Shema Sulzer H Please be seated

Bailey 154 V’ahavata in H/E End of Shema Hebrew/ English

Bailey 156 Emet Iyyun E Invite Barb

Bailey 158 Micamocha H Lifting their voices Friedman joyously

Bailey 160 Grant O God E End of Mi Chamocha

Bailey 162 V’shamru H We join together on pg. For V’shamru

Bailey Iyunn E End of V’shamru

Bailey 164- Amidah H Please Rise 170 Please be seated

Bailey 172 Our God E We pray together in the English at the bottom of pg. 172

Bailey 176 We E End of Retzei acknowledge

178 Shalom Rav - H Klepper

Bailey Silent Prayer Please take some time for silent prayer

180 Yehiyu L’razton H Bailey Unknown

Bailey 364 We rise and E End of Oseh continue on page Shalom 362 for Seder Kriat HaTorah

52 Honors Opener Give directions and Carrier: Chris call up honors Undresser

364- Ki Mitzion, Please Rise 366 Baruch SheNatan Shema

366 L’cha Adonai H Ark Opened Al Shlosha

Bailey INTRODUCE TORAH PORTIONS Today we will be reading from Parashat Tazria Metzora

Aliyah 144 Announce Aliyah: Chant

371 Mi Shebeirach - Friedman

370 V’zot H Introduced by Bailey HaTorah-Segue Please rise, into Lai Lai’s 374 Repeat/LaiLai’s Eitz Chayim Ark is opened

Bailey Sermon H

586 Aleinu L’Shabeiach H We rise and turn - Sulzer (straight to pg. 148. into V’neemar)

Bailey Intro Reading

598

53 Mourner’s Kaddish

Susan Announcements H on page 148

Bailey Closing Remarks H

Bailey 625 Oseh Shalom Friedman

54 Media

Website: https://baileyromano.com/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxJkQtxaZNA&t=50s

Videos: https://www.facebook.com/adathisrael/videos/51094078938689 2/ https://www.facebook.com/adathisrael/videos/46368317413527 3/

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