IN STILL ROOMS CONSTANTINE JONES the operating system print//document

IN STILL ROOMS

ISBN: 978-1-946031-86-0 Library of Congress Control Number: 2020933062 copyright © 2020 by Constantine Jones edited and designed by ELÆ [Lynne DeSilva-Johnson]

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the operating system www.theoperatingsystem.org [email protected] IN STILL ROOMS for my mother & her mother & all the saints Aιωνία η mνήμη

— “Eternal be their memory” Greek Orthodox hymn for the dead

I N S I D E

Dramatis Personae 13

OVERTURE

Chorus 14

ACT I

Heirloom 17

Chorus 73

Kairos 75

ACT II

Mnemosynon 83

Chorus 110

Nostos 113

CODA

Memory Eternal 121

*

Gratitude Pages 137

Q&A—A Close-Quarters Epic 143

Bio 148

| /// 11 /// - of Southern ghosts in the house ghosts Southern of twin younger Jr.; Effie & twins of 35. Mother Warren Evan of sister Eleni Warren of 35. Elder twin brother elder Eleni, of daughter Warren; 9. Ephramia Jr. of twin sister younger Eleni, of son Warren; 9. Efstratios Effie of twin brother of sister & Eleni; younger Evan to 86. Aunt to deceased); (now referred Evi their mother Thea as in the family of mother recently-deceased short; for Evi - grand Sophia; of & Eleni; sister elder Evan to inthe referred Jr.; Effie & of mother Yiayia as family cousin, & Eleni’s Evan short; for 45. Fanny the South to in a town living partner 25. Evan’s cat Evan’s Summit of the intersection at house old An Comona, of town in the mountain & Park the of the outskirts on located Tennessee, bor Tennessee of corner northeastern-most a region Mountains, Ridge the Blue dering the Tri-Cities. as known D R A M A T I S P E R S O N A E A T I S P E D R A M SETTING KITCHEN JOSIAH FANOULA SMITH FANOULA PARASKEVI WARREN PARASKEVI SOPHIA KEFALAS JR. EFFIE EVAN WARREN EVAN ELENI WARREN CHORUS /// 12 /// | remembering neither. secrets. And house this here, it’s not done telling itself, not by amile. Not done to live and more like afamily dressed itself—all up inits own history, its own to you, not house yet. But it’s every astrange A house, beast. it’s less like a place do suppose we’re more’n alittle bit proud of that Maybe fact. it don’t mean much folks anymore, house this it’s standing. still These rooms are here. still And we and removals, comings the and goings of we couldn’t eventell you how many here come ahundred years we’d of never said so. But additions through the all If you’d of asked us we back when was alive doyou old this house’ll think be still propped up like that against horizon. the you’d hill the forgiven be for mistaking it one of Blue the Ridge mountains itself, groundthe afresh white against sky, the and you when looked at it coming up somehow, wars, the riots, the weather, the that It housestood. still came up out we about knew Trusted those. emto us take where we But needed. through it all took another and while, we eventhen good mostly just old the roads. used Least railroad didyou to start get families coming and settling down. The highway housethe and Comona the to south. the Lake Wasn’t laid down they the til save mountains. the In days those it was only three other properties between how it blooms precisely at top the of little this nothing hill, around for miles body, eachgeneration tacking on own their sturdy addition.the See lumber, in and out some little decade new to portion was and added existing the every onstyles account of standing long. so Times came and went and families moved Thing aboutthat house, like many others in time,its it was a hodgepodge of fordecide yerself once we’re done. yerself acouple years under its roof. that’s Least how we felt anyway, and you can belong to nobody. House like that, it owns itself. And you’d lucky be to spend understand, or maybe we just can’t tell it right. But ahouse like that, it don’t Or suppose we should say it back when letus live there. Maybe you won’t it now, that’s for sure. It was a real beauty, that house, it back when was ours. yet. born Ifeven been only you’d it of back seen then—you’d hardly recognize Long ago time was, this you wouldn’t remember. No, we don’t imagine you’d We lived inthat house before. init Died too. C HORUS | /// 13 /// We been part of this house just about as long as we can remember. And we don’t don’t we And remember. can we as long as about just been this house part of We we and white when the walls there were were We truth be told. none, it resent from sprout staircase the iron saw We green. turned when they there got were the little back, out the kitchen to round all the way upstairs thenursery window Earlene old how that’s Why, shine. or rain a bug, like down and up scuttling maid house, of the side the off clean that—fell Remember time. in her back went, right that isn’t the pavement, on there poor right her neck broke did, she yes when the insulation, with attic up the when they there stuffed were We Earlene. when they there strung were We electricity. with through stitched walls were When em again. painted pulled the up, baseboards, em painted and the lights when the wallpaper and room, made we through came the wires and the pipes like house that know we Why, the wood inside itself. snuck just we up us covered one than more there’s allnow Only right. alive, it’s And skin. own knew our we miss to nobody left got We us. like ain’t it this one, And inside. up wrapped life cause here only We’re here. us keeping a soul in the world Not remember. or us truth. the honest that’s and go, we else would where her between the walls. Hear stuck us, with here one another there’s now But when she her heard We vapor. a warm like her, feel We night. at about moving come her watched and up the walk shuffling her Heard did. we yes come, first go. to got we place only the back. Back’s our way find always we Cause back. on all the locks. We testing was a while and been away Like she’d quiet. came She Don’t the here. to back come you back come when you Cause back. come her felt on. later be to there like what’s Or there. was when you there was what matter time across it know we then back and knew this here We tied this here. to We’re we Here are. you Here all the same. here still stay we and become to like it’s what all. at thing a single knowing Not knowing. Not was. she here And anyhow. are, or to wants whether she say to us for not it’s And leave. can’t she only Knowing She peace somehow. at be to put got She restless. she’s is All know we she. doesn’t and going and all coming these All and folks these years rest. to be to allowed got all. at room no got we somehow now why yourself, See for it a look around. in. Have on come just you don’t Why you. don’t /// 14 /// | H E I R L O O M /// 16 /// | a house made of cloud. buzzing work the of weather the pulling together towers tired metal those &highway grays. An atmosphere wires cut across green earth— Electric dirt the of smoky the Appalachians. air.in the The sky clearing throatits concrete.Cold Ablue that &all like air metal | /// 17 /// .I. Because she kept checking the window about that loon perched by the mailbox, the mailbox, by perched loon that about the window checking Because kept she again. boil let the over pot she fix him something would she tonight; Evan be for to a nice dinner supposed was It birds, Violent anxious. her making was the loon the goodspecial news.But for the wind. on you are scary where ghostly those, and eyes, that their red with after been waiting, she’d come; would when the mail wondered she Anyhow, at crouched loon that with anything deliver dare would one no surely all, but too far had come It house. on the hard eye fixed scarlet its the streetcorner, the through Even the spill. over a rag draped she as thought she the lake, from its across markings war like feathers red stare, hot its felt she blinds kitchen the just pot the But pot. asked she anyway, here got it is business What breast. bubbling. on kept woman called—that hadn’t if Theodora it eye on a better kept have could She imagined She Bristol. halfof in the Virginia line, the state across the church from the on her around tight huddled Association Daughters’ the whole sometimes shawls, and allstockings in their these ravens old of calls, of end a flock other they Thirtyclose while as could did Theodora the shouldering squawking. the phone. on still stuck they were later, minutes you The ladies, fine. just manage we But the luncheon. too Eleni, bad– Ok about Thea doing. Sophia you is How you. all we missing know, with what lately, here goes.around it Beenhard how know you Theodora – Well imagine. can you sure I’m all the—. Well, to Good the– Be too meetings. sometimes, her at good see for to again, her walk to says He a doctor. it’s boy Mathoula’s know You the house. from be out the circulations. with helps pos lei—it oh, to the, good for more, around she’s still stirringBut it all, the Eleni pot. thought, Theodora thinksshe knows island botched in that them, all squabbling of still the a village rest girl like their of any what matter No English. dialect their Appalachian with up mixed the xorió from women little still exactly the same—frantic they’re do, children to back go never they’d though even in the states, is bad it talking how always they’llbut mountains, for They tradedislands nothing. their for not Greece, still BesidesAnd Thea. they theycall about like allthis know change. never and fancy car in some hop they expect just can we What, even when they know. /// 18 /// | – I’ll tell her,– I’ll Theodora. – You tell youthe Thea. Sheknew Papadopolous good. – Mhm. – It’s is what it Devil the is. – That’s horrible, Theodora. of women. those whenever you got to astory tell. They’re just all them.last of awful, oneEvery Anyway what gives like her that. right, the are talking dead the Like yours to use way and wants for me to know. And evenifshe did, it’s only two years—. been how shecasually brings up Mother like that, like she her insome knew special cross over her breast, other the Daughters all following suit. But it wasn’t right, pot. the She Theodorastirring across couldfrantically see the line the signing massagedEleni her temple, she’d tighter; spoon knuckled wooden the stopped right about things. these you know. Evil, koukla-mou, of all it. You mother, she knew. Always she was now, everybody, Doing drugs. strange taking things. Evil things. It’s Devil the condition.critical Evgenia said she went crazy. Isay it’skinds all They drugs. to phone the nine-one-one. the he could call theboth in hospital They now, found Katina poor on ground the outside. he was enough close thank God Dean did she go, what happened, how could she dothat. She said Idon’t know. They her parents right there house. inthe Then she ran away.said I whereEvgenia what’s matter. the She says Marina took a knife from kitchen, the both stabbed you hear. Isaid no koukla what is it. She says it’s about Katina, Isaid my God, she isgood about Evgenia things. So these me, she calls says Theodora, did only Katina because knew she didn’t show to Andmeeting. the you know how – So. You never believe. Ionly heard it from Evgenia other the day, and she – Iremember, lied. What Eleni happened. many years—. doll, prettiest the hair. Maybe you young too to remember. how me see, Let youSophia, back when father he had smokehouse. the Marina it was like achina Papadopolou, and Dean Katina’s daughter.withfriends you They mother and – Oh you know what, it’s one more thing Iforgot. You remember Marina Well. – said simply— anymore, tell emjust to cross our number right out directory. the Instead she havingseen coffeethe in churchGotthe mind half to hall? em tell not call to drive from Comona around mountains the Sunday every justcanbe Thea so | /// 19 /// – You do it. – You – I will. ok. something, when hear I – I call you – Alright. here. her we missing Thea you – Tell the window. of the light into stepped the hook, on back the receiver Eleni hung the streetcorner. on beside the mailbox still was the loon crouched Outside, just it can’t Why here. want it What’s Eleni thought. that, like looking it Look at no in the Tri-Cities, Not that. eyes like with seen life a bird in my Never on. go those those feathers, And cruel. black but be to anything red Too hot. Too sir. Besides right. not It’s way. look that to made got a bird come How marks. red sit to got it Why’s the lake. from so far here, out all the way doing it what’s an moving not and looking the house, at looking just that, like looking there bad, are the windows tell Can it nothing. calling, not not blinking, not inch, the off loose, drooping are the gutters tell Can it still storm. the last ruined from thelittle At it. takea look at to Evan remind to Got the verandah. around nails clean rot to like iron’s That the backyard. to out study his from too, staircase No, trust it. all the time it I don’t on the twins with And these days. of one away see you think I don’t Don’t either. trust you I don’t And bit. one trust it I don’t But take down. to a mind got you animal tired some it’s like this house watching deep coat fresh a nice it Make this year. again thepaint on see. I’ll Evan get you’ll You’ll color. sick this pale olive not seen never before, you like A green green. of verandah the above turret on the weathervane get that place, up the fix see.We’ll with you follow it’ll down swooping come timeyou next And oiled. greasedand crouch to come lazy cat some isn’t see.house This metal beak own you’ll its and feed. to place a see not this is You’ll in silence. days her of the end a carving away, air, whirled into the lurched feathers, oily its loon The ruffled Victorian. the old around spiral slow eyes against his shielded a small boy backyard house’s in the olive below Down lake. the towards back flying was, that bird kind of what wondering the glare, willow. behind the big out in the chainlink up still shoe was caught His the second inabove the nook sure, was he treasure, he leftthe is This where The treasure sap. sticky pools of only was it check to went when he But branch. tried not He quick. on coming was the dark And stuck. was he now and gone was the deck. under the crawlspace at the yard across looking help couldn’t but to, underneath there slept knew he what shadow and all leaves the crumpled For his up, pricked hairs neck His door. storage white little behind that the house, look, to turned when he and watching, it felt He goosebump. skin beginning to /// 20 /// | big had her willow hair. still But you Ican see now Jr. Your arms make you look watch you til dropped down. Thatbackthe was in summer wasn’t thewhen it, up long tree inthe so you said don’t come follow Ididn’t me so but Ihad to still sure time, this she thought, pressing you time her to Last nose glass. the were went to check on treasure the and she was getting worried. He’ll caught be for therein case were giant squids or maybeamermaid. It was along since time Jr. From inside Effie tiptoed the up stepstoolpeep to theoutside submarine window – Effie time, this get tried Ma! he waving his hands the at house. curls big same the only exactly ears all it belonged to Effie not him. submarine in.The facewas just like his, alittle roundwith browneyes brown bathroomin the window upstairs, circular the one always they to play used boy I’mthe was thinking, done for, I’m caught. But he then saw adifferent face back inthrough trapdoor the Evan into had set window the for her. That’s it, he was afraid;knew she twitched her ears and stretched her back and slithered He did scream for her, even though she wouldn’t hear. But Kitchen heard and – Ma! would understand. out Get of here, go get Ma, none of us are safe. some other corner of out deck. Get the of here, he wanted to scream, hoping she to warn her before,tried but she’d only afew feet dart away, back up curl in if shewhat knew kindof danger she was in,that to close ick-it’s the cave. He there completely silent on deck and small the wondered, not for first the time, littlethe black cat Evan had found back inJohnson City. He watched her crouch bushes. At first it puttight a feeling inhis chest he til it recognized as Kitchen, He was goingfor again laces the to but try ablack shape spilled out from the Suddenly he thought how much better it would abird. to be be coldthe and he told willow the it wasn’t fair but willow the had nothing to say. he thought he’d clever. so been His rattled body with fear or anger as much as he shouldn’t have come out to check on treasure the to close sundown, so but its long hooked fingernails scrapeand the himunderknew deck. Andalso he sunthe went way the all down it could come out from under house the with in away he didn’t like. And it boy the knew was just waiting. He that knew once always changing. green eyeswere Only those same. the Familiar somehow, too but she’d then turn her and head it was like agirl amarble statue—the facewas it never came out way. the all Sometimes it was an old woman, made of wood, lightthe was just right, sometimes he could make out more features, but ick- the Just below glowing shade deck, inthe the and those green eyes.When dirt, the The ick-it. it was there. | /// 21 /// like a bug. But this time what if you don’t come back at all. What if you’re the you’re if all. What at back come don’t you if this time what But a bug. like I’ll know never be and me I’ll with just a new one. get I won’t I have, brother only to be got There’s Jr. go, you without does a day How the hid treasure. you where don’t said you even though you, get let anything I won’t me. a there’s cause a you Ma. I’ll least tell go at or come, to I have come cold the across tile little legs her shot and stepstool off the down clambered Effie in the kitchen. mother meet her to down Jr.! – Ma! when jumped she wooden a with pot spoon and stirring was the big mother Her at the outwindow the staring been She’d her in the socks. floor across slid Effie again. street me. outta fire the you scared – Christ Effie those of this one was since and jumpy Ma making bad about felt she Sometimes jumpy. a little herself made she’d now too cause the window out looked times she one call a rag to never it Jr. told (she towel a on out hands her wrang mother Her the brush and bend down to over coming before word) ugly an that’s timecause forehead. her off hair wrong. what’s the house, running through stop baby, there you hear – I didn’t Noteven afraid causewas afraid. she sudden allsaythe to want Effie didn’t her in throat back came feeling thing. That big the whole of afraid but Ma of something anything say didn’t knew if she she and Jr. from being apart about said— just and at the backdoor So she finally pointed happen. could bad might stuck. – Jr.’s out zipped She face again. her worry across the old came and stood up back Ma ofthe sink. front was inshe where Effie right leaving the backdoor could she was see all height her From outthe window. up back Effie stared Allthe pulled like stuffing. each other over stacked thin clouds long the sky, in her like blue color same that getting the window gone, about just was orange up. anything swallow could that the deep ocean, color a cold about picturebooks clock’s the cuckoo foyer, in the clanging heavy a for quiet except was house The speaking, it’s language that What’s the stairs. by tock tock tock going throat tocking The to hear. enough quiet it’s doeswhen always she as Effiethought, her read would Ma the stories of one a book used love, she of to her reminded In was the book there sleep. to gone and playing out himself worn had Jr. after trinkets of metalin a city of made in a house living her, like girl just little another story the whole remember couldn’t She every the year. of snowed day it where the nice old from present birthday the clock—a did remember she but anymore /// 22 /// | thing it take; was coming up to Tri-Cities the from her cousin Fanny down She couldn’t keep herself from wondering, though, how long kind of didthis thelifting cover see. to roads is what it is.sauce The oughtathickened, thoughtshe vaguelywithout already, sweet Just just their is time all. taking trucks the damn Tennessee these to checkthink box the on his that way check’s in. Bet mail in the for been weeks alone again though; she adjusted flame the the on stovetop. Maybe Evanwill it to go check now that that bird had flown away.Best not to leavepot theall She looked back towards mailbox the and for asecond wondered ifit was worth will. they once and melted away into some other room. Well, she thought. One day maybe thought as she some threw more Kitchen; pot, salt inthe do they cat the blinked she felt about bad having yelled at But them. just they don’t understand, she spilling its muddy across laces where floor the he’d dropped it and forsecond a turning back to tend to pot. the From corner the of her eye she saw Jr.’s boot She listened until footpatter their across faded floorboards the upstairsbefore Their mother watchedthetwins as hungtheir heads and walked away inunison. sleeping.still youcall down for dinner. Idon’t wanna either, hear apeep you know your Thea’s like that. Y’oughta know better of both the you. Now go upstairs and wait I til – Ephramia I’m to you talking too. You shouldn’t letyour brother around run him up. back upstairswalk inquiet. Already she of was thinking something to cheer Jr. short to Strati, would name. neverhis full use Effie knew it be a longwould names like that were unlessthey introuble, and she would evenstill always cut to cry. He wouldn’t infront cry of Ma, not ever. But sheGreek their never used Jr. looked at ground the buttrying Effie not tocould he tell was show he wanted cause you keep hiding your toys tree. inthe Efstratios doyou hear me! we eat can all at adecent hour. is you thing Ineed Last busting your open head I’m inhere working hard to get dinner on Evan table when the so comes home – Keep tellin’ you not to climb that damn tree! What ifyou get hurt, what then! arm in her fingernails. The blinds backdoorthe on rattled againstglassthe as Ma stormedwith in Jr.’s looking for out that window. did she go, now I’m not there to read about her. She wondered what Ma kept doinggirl now, thought Effie vaguely the as cloudsscuffling kept by. Where never lost time, the with abird inside makingsame the little songs. What’s that man story, inthe aclock shape inthe of apineapple that winding, never needed | /// 23 /// in Easton by the river, not a two hours drive away, a favor she hadn’t asked asked hadn’t she a favor away, drive hours a two not the river, by in Easton that on out thing lonely a cold looked the mailbox But refuse. couldn’t but for nothing cause good no reason for shut latched there sitting just itself, by corner or lost somewhere, got could’ve might it again, Then through. came really ever enough, simple Eleni Warren, to it addressed have might Fanny returned. worse, of their name be the wouldn’t it and house thinking Thea’s this was without both inherited they’d surname Welsh the slender not the address; on fathers little that from over washed name the Greek but brothers, those wandering from Thea’s and Mother for knew them ever really except of one village neither island rock. on the donkeys sandals, hot of dry flicks pathways, stories—bleached local some only postman been cause back and sent come already had if it What the house on Eleni Warren, not Kefalas, Sophia was it knowing the name saw know to supposed the postman how’s cause mistake, enough A simple number. the same to belongs it know and name see to that supposed he how’s anyhow; all at anyone was niece; her how to but the house of thefamily; woman to not know. to supposed she that fists, her clenched She her. at claw let these tried to thoughts She not the mailbox. from herself crush those eggs.might small like So anxieties tore she house gutted that lot, the vacant into the intersection, across looked she Instead closerto signstreet dipping left had some the storm where the way, across best friend. How mother’s used be. Her to that house, Yvonne’s Miss the turf. Whole name. his was what hers, of boy that And now. gone, she had ago long deliver hi or say to kids just as Evan with the street running cross summers name. boy’s that remember still couldn’t she and mother her from message some who can somewhere, went and up must’ve he now, empty is the place Anyhow a had knocked winds The now. it look at thing. Just the whole A shame, say. the the glass to through see could straight she and loose the window board from a ladle, left with scooped out the house somebody’d like inside, wooden skeleton wasn’t really it No take it. to the weather for wait to there sitting just it of the shell like in the ground, the earth the other on and foot one Got house. that right, anyone could fall to in. How threatening and grave a fresh working someone of take care come to people there weren’t halfa house; that, like there sit it let just again. fist her clenched She year. the whole out seen or in soula go hadn’t she it; dim a into window her from extended Place Park the way down west Further see the could hooded she across where stragglers dodge their prick way gray of kind that if as through; careening come loose might some if as machine street south its way stretching Ave Summit came Then here. around happened thing their purple up pulling the mountains the lake, toward the intersection through that houses and the hill, a into dipped road south The thein distance. shoulders mountains like it looked the foggy to where nothing, into off all dropped way and elms tired with draped was way The the air. out up straight sprout had /// 24 /// | Effie lookedEffie book, up from the confused. – You Ma think took it. were bent. she Still couldn’t remember how to say mouse’s the name. across book the threw room the it so and landed curtains inthe now pages the thought it would away to be him,ifshe to asked talk himto remind her. But he soup. She offered it to Jr.cause knew howhe sayto the mouse’s name and she one she’d read already, about little the mouse where castle inthe ate everyone Effie pickedbook the up and sat acrossdown floor the with itin her hands. This just silly. cause you always go out window the first. that’s Maybe dumb too. that’s Maybe made yell them at you instead. How doItell you that’s why Iwent to get Ma, I went out myself even ifMa or Evan caught me you would say it was your idea; onto roof the of porch, the always you first to make sure safe.it was when And summers you when would unlatch window the to wraparound the and step out make Is sense. there away to say that, or is it just dumb. being How about the I want you. Nine whole years always together and aday without you doesn’t wouldn’t sitting be there, she thought. You’d not be with me. But that’s not where But she looked at himdifferent now sheback. had him If Ididn’t go get Ma you he was right. Maybe it was dumb worried to or be afraid. Maybe it was silly. but she couldn’t figure out how sayto Don’t it good. be dumb, Jr.said and maybe happening. to Shetell himabout eventried icky the feeling of gone himbeing instructions, how she was worried about agiant squid or something bad else more. explaining She tried himtoo—about submarine the window, about his Ma making himfeel She small. felt it only too it always to bother Jr. seemed butmoods usually he just had to sit with it. Effie knew it was onaccount of wraparound porch, blinking. Theresometimes was away to get Jr. out these of flung awaycurtains. Effiethestoodsettle their in window by overlooking the Upstairs room intheir Jr. slouched inacorner watching he just book the that asleep. was Thea their still They oughta know better. Upstairs she heard aheavy thump and silently her children; knew cursed they come through door. the Any moment he would tell me what news. was good the way Iwould able him from be to see window. the Any moment now he would housethe and maybehe would check mail the or maybehe wouldn’t but either corner of Summit and Park; would cross turning east down Park Place towards way away again. Then he would come inhis long overcoat the theto hill up distance, huff electric the settlingwheels of intothe stopbefore it coughed its Ave over that She hill. would hear bus the first—the flush ofexhaust the in Any moment now, she was sure, her brother would come cresting up Summit telephone wires, heavy with news. their | /// 25 /// – The treasure, I mean. Do you—do you think Ma took it out the tree. out it took Ma think you you—do mean. Do I – The treasure, it. want she would Why think so. – I don’t shrugged. Jr. knew knew Like she the spot. secret always she like It’s though. her heard – You all along. it safe. it keeping she’s it took if she Maybe too. it for out looking was she – Maybe it. took – Rather the ick-it story Ma used ugly that ick-it, the mentioned Jr. hatedwhen she shivered; Effie it think to of itch neck her made books. It the myth from night them at tell to woman old monstrous a of visions ugly Jr.’s and that, like the house under living long its with out snap it’d how rags; muddy and roots twigs in and wrapped story. a just it was, all that’s First sleep. to go didn’t you if you get and fingers the thought Jr. how it talked when he tell could about she lately But a game. Just real. was ick-it ok. foot – Your Ma. getting for Thanks I guess. – Fine She onthe Effie smiled. loosened her book. grip though. spot the hiding know didn’t Ma – Still wish she it, why I did Jr.knows maybe now at least but too, that bad about felt Effie again, feeling her tell him earlier to a way out figure to about was She thought. the window. to bolted Jr. but – Evan! His hill.the over bug crawling gray a little looked Evan floor, the second From had he like itlooked but tell couldn’t Effie in wind. the around flying was hair the wind sure make to tight holding was he hands—something in his something next that remember (she’d looking without the street crossed He take it. wouldn’t the turned then he both ways) check to her told the park, to her took time he down. slowing without quick, and walked straight He the house. towards corner for they listened porch; the wraparound of the lip under Soon disappeared he boots his on of the creak the wind, the whistle of for in, swing to door theold wood. the was the deadbolt sure making the wind, against the door shut shouldered Evan get to have he’d these days of lock One still the handle jammed. since in place from down candlelight pooling forthe entrywayexcept The dark was fixed. that /// 26 /// | – Christ Evan– Christ what took you. She quickly turned so that she shook from her bun its loose tie. – Smells Ellie. good, to figure howif trying to putthem out. usually found her—a little frizzy thing against window, the checking pots the as and into past stairwell the kitchen. the There she was, his younger half, how he From makeshift their bedroom Evan made backthroughit the shutter door that she had put it there. to go say The hello soon. house was muskywith garlicsalt thyme.and knew He paper boxes. ofhis had palms gotten walk the Because sticky too. He would have hesitant it evento set down for fear it might melt away and into socks loose ashis he knees off quicklygloves,the peeled the coat, the sweater underneath, she hates to go down basement. inthe He clutched satchel his thin between done it today, all he thought, even though I told her not to worry, even though knew.all Not evenany room on cot the what laundry. the with all She must have silent flock, forcing him to remember. There toowas much this in they house, and porcelain he had broken swans beaks whose as a boy, gathering all in some Evan hated to at look candleholders especially—at knickknacks metal the the Mother had retained from mother’s their old stint as aneighborhood Avon lady. family photos, armoire glass the with lined what few pieces of china Thea and down from somebody’s cousin, covered still inplastic, not to mention the crammed corner inthe around dusted the end-table, glass sofa wide handed the as it waswe when got here, what of with all Thea’sfurniture—old armchairs thought. Only two years ago now but clutter. this all still It was packed enough coat, but tight the room was officially packed. We’ve accumulatedtoo much, he maybe she would eat. had Themade himsweat walk and he wanted to chuck his in Johnson City. But it’s ok Kitch, I’m he was thinking, home now. At least now that Kitchen was lonelier here than she’d old intheir compartment been back Hi, sweet thing before through room. the trudging He felt he knew, somehow, and she he knew wanted him to her ears. rub It he could was all do to offersoft a where house inthe she’d hiding before been in. His he walked hands were full hisspilled herself legs,always between first the one greetto him no matter landingthe from alittle foyer. He’d barely made it into room the before Kitchen He and sidestepped duckedstairwell the through shutter the doors separating so he didn’t asleep wasThea still announce himself. had to taken Eleni it too, eversince. He candles ifthe were knew lit that meant prayed morning night since there and he could remember, every every and incense and inany coins necessary Greek household. His own mother had iconostasionthe upstairs—that wall-mounted altar of icons, wooden candles, | /// 27 /// Evan set his satchel down on the table in the corner. She hadn’t set it yet; still yet; setit hadn’t She the in corner. thetable on down set satchel his Evan Eleni’s of a chorus scrawled out she’d where paper of scraps scattered were there cloud. on a adrift house a a little with pencil, scripts in different you. on waiting Been time now, all that. a long move lemme – Here cooking. What’s worry. El, don’t it – I got brief. Evan’s eyeing thestove, between and Eleni the stood table rooted or—. the with sauce you help Thea spaghetti. like – Smells Ev. ok, it – Is delicious. it’s sure – I’m – Evan. everyone together. tell I wanna til eat, we wait you can’t on – Come think—. – I just some want you need Ellie a drink. I think loosen on Come you a little, up – Well the rack. on bottles a couple Still got wine? pulled Evan while to low, the flame dimming the stovetop, to back moved She cabinet. the red of from a and bottle mugs coffee two I just back. come to you for – Y’know I been waiting all a nervous day wreck from call all to fuss a in had me the way deal you the big what’s know wanna to—. City Johnson come Can you a sec me with huh. sit come good news, its just – Ellie I promise good go oughta a the blends, one I opened a minute. brother big your with sit you. with alright A blend the spaghetti. with the table. beside him at sit to came bun, her refastened She want. you mug – Which one. – Big girl. – Atta had sister his certain about glad things that mug, them both a big poured Evan at every crooked leaping goat, little his was frantic There changed. really never of mug a room, in this was alsohere a girl there but cloud, or passing floorboard it all. about much too always caring fingers, in her wine red good smells y’know. sauce – That /// 28 /// | – Lemme set the table. the set – Lemme would she He see. his mug set down, up stood from his seat. only somehow. thinner He wondered ifshe’d up look at him right now what and that flat blue blouse draped over her chest almostshe looked just like Ma, June.this But his sister looked tired, he could tell. With her hair up inthat bun years already they’d house. inthis And been of both going them on thirty-five sippedtheirThey wine. Eleni watched her mug, Evan watched his sister. Two – Well. some crazyloon tobeen end up way the all down here inComona. cause loons are waterfowl. Northern birds. Not flyers best the either. Had to of – No you Ibelieve about bird the I’m Ellie, just saying it couldn’ve any been loon it at look you day. through window the every – Well, Ifigured it’d comefrom far too thelake. But you’re notthe one watching – Come on now, couldn’ve any been loon. That’s awater bird. awful red eyeslooking like it had amind to house. the spear – Evan it was agreat big old loon crouched right there by mailbox the with its – You sure it was aloon. – Well Iguess it finally quit. Til tomorrow anyway. – If you say so. if you bothered to look. – That big old loon crouched the by mailboxday in andday out. You’d seen ofit – What loon. – No no, it’sBetter fine. not anyway,that case loon decides to comeback. – Isure didn’t, but Ican. You something. expecting – Oh nothing, just looking at You the—. didn’t to check think mail, the didyou. – What now. eyes out window, the towards street. the They clinked mugs, and forsecond a Evansaw his sister smile. Then she cut her – Well, you’re welcome anyway. Cheers. – You didn’t to need go and that. doall – It’s not spaghetti. There’spot.the in fasoulakia | /// 29 /// – Watch out for Jr.’s boot. He got himself stuck in the tree. stuck himself got boot. He Jr.’s for out – Watch anyway. the munchkins are – How then faded off. the window, out by truck A drinking wine. ambled her kept She in distribute began to which he six plates with the cabinet from returned Evan eye. his catch let her wouldn’t he but mug her from Eleni up silence. looked – Ev. – Mm. tonight. us just – It’s the phone—. on earlier talking I was Josiah to – Well, – Evan. by. stop could he wants him if he told so I just tomorrow work have doesn’t – He – Why. be that. like Don’t two. a drink or dinner, for Just night. Saturday – Ellie it’s trying like the silver with a wriggling keep fumble to brother her Eleni watched saw him she and hiseyes of hissaw fall thickfront curls inShe fingers. in his fish so collectedmost in his even way—always Evan’s wasn’t This them there. leave then of her to came image An so composed. always was he moments; excited hymnals in the basement the through School, flipping him in Sunday watching living him another secretly wasn’t there if wondered when she the church, of But controls. better with safe was body it his where piloting head, his inside always hand twin—this bony this also is my noticed, she brother, this also is my took the and sighedShe tremble. even if the the fingers sheet, out smoothing it. placing him, continued from silver you Sothe do kids. But I do. really Josiah, I like care. I don’t know You – Ev. around. him bring you gets Theawhen how know around. I bring boy some not – He’s that. – I know fair. not – That’s the just . .that’s now. house her I think . .thisis Thea doesbut. too that. – I know whole—. em, that All of Ev. is, she way explain. might if it as hand her waved She satchel his grab to moved and the table on setting the last dropped she When /// 30 /// | would soon. be But outside window the was darkening blue; she hoped ifhe was coming it better. It can wait we eat. til he when wants news with good the to. ifJosiah gets So to hear the it all then too not time.beans the The are done and surelythetwins are too. hungry He’ll out could open it right now to find out, butthat wouldn’tBesides nowright.be it’s possibly move way, eveninasmall them, one in some step direction. I further news—what could he have brought home with himthat urgent; was so could it thoughtEleni vaguely about bundle the inher hands and wondered about the From kitchen the for his sister called himagain, but he couldn’t hear her. thought. There is an organ inside my chest. a fish was drawn fromup his mind—theresomeone is the wayon for me, he candles,rain, icona the of these pool aglimmering sun. Here before relics these if it’s my that shirt smells or ifit’s me, he thought. Ormaybe it’s house, this the Evan climbed staircase the slowly now, something misting inhis mind. Not sure rainsmall was welling up, sound the like little dropping seeds into gutters. the Evan his sister kissed on temple the and strode out to staircase. the Outside a – Tell emyou can’t doing be Saturdays anymore. They’re working you hard.too – Hm. – And Ev. – You got it. – You wakethekids up Get too. Thea. Everything’sset. – Anything. – One thing. – That’s fair. – I’m pillow. good the taking – You don’t have to dothat. inyour sleep – I’ll study tonight, Ev. Take If bed. the Josiah stays over, Imean. for himto know someone. happen. It for was good himto have another person, she thought. It was good Comona Tennessee, where nothing terrible or so to wonderful everseemed dampthis intersection, quiet this little olive house of theirs at 108Park Place, bus to Johnson morning for City every work only way the toall ride back to Evan didn’t stop her. She thought for aminute how he must feel—hopping a | /// 31 /// /// 32 /// | its own neighborhood of smoke. into of ribs the mountain the where Blue the Ridge shoulders spinning. still wheels the The light crawlsbackwards from bikes. their left They highwaythe there are three children stomping away into neighborhood & thickets the weed between where Park Place empties itself of its homes across pavement. the In cul-de-sac the offthe mountainbefore spreading its blue light the Quiet coming down | /// 33 /// the handling the office said, had Evan .II. Had all the paperwork ready in his brief and every and brief his in all- the ready paperwork Had the the newspaper’s finances. happier him but for happier Eleni expected happier; feel to thing. Truthfully the thought she somehow but work it make to trusted Evan She herself. also for City, Johnson called from all a fuss in her the way He’d benews better. might head. onlygreat nodded her had Thea too. favorite, his him fixed She all. after at all. anything say didn’t she Though else. what seemed say, she to Yes, babies, her brother, her with the table at sit it—to wasn’t though, a relief was It Eleni settled had deep into unclenched. small a moment, all sharing even Josiah, making. She own her of envelope sealed transparent in a tight now, chair her on up tacked a drawing like a distance, from but the others, with stillwas there con- were The twins an occupant. room than of the a fixture the fridge, more that exchanges making their treat, enjoying too, envelope in theirtained own his glossyeyed, chuckled Evan the table Across understand. could children only brushing the table, under known herself made Kitchen knee. Josiah’s on hand never but present tail—so very black always cat, a long like ankles her with also But is. really it this, Eleni good like be thought, to together It’s there. really had she like feeling not for envelope; her of the protection for grateful was she a on in these herself a small as moods, bird safe found she speak.to Whenever Anyway often. be this more like life couldn’t why wondered she branch, sturdy the for the Foodland from icecream bring to too Josiah good really was of it cuptipthe back Effie watching thought, she need do all to that, didn’t He twins. But it’s alright every now and again, Eleni thought as she watched her children children her watched she as Eleni thought again, every alright and now it’s But all his eat to Jr. getting anyway, useless It’s their cups. from icecream scooping bet couldn’t a race, him he all him to tricks the too—challenged old Tried beans. as well theyusedas work don’t games our little but me, before plate his finish ok. its Sothey sheknows once does Effie does too, Jr. Besides, whatever to. they’d even though and icecream having they’re now and their beans ate hardly Besides, again. every alright and now it’s I guess long bebefore hungry again all. Let after bottle another opened be to special. supposed was Evan tonight then why sweet something even. So if the kids mug, want a fresh me him pour vanilla of splatters little too, himself of a mess making Jr.’s it. they have shouldn’t table. atthe Thea was when he Least behaved flannel. his bean across streaked oven. a hot up closing like lighter, the air’s bed to back somehow gone she’s Now still. But I’m taking that bookkeeping position at the firm, /// 34 /// | He had brought Jr. treasure the for birthday their last summer afterthe all, one a guest, thought, Effie squelching betweenthe her suds nails; Josiah’s just Josiah. we’re bemessy alone thenaround guests you’ll andthat’s not polite . But Josiah’s not to her manners. use Always she would If I letyou tell both, them be messy when could reach soap; the Effie knew Ma be would proud of her for remembering her fingers had gotten stickywiththe icecream too. Ma so steppedshe aside beside herEffie sidled up mother,standing because ontoes her to reach the sink she soon, thought,bed sweeping rest the of dishes the from table the to sink. the tious. She’d stay letthem up altogether late too though. They really oughta get to her. She was happy behave, them to see little especially Jr., always rambunc so - her children into settle now tenderness and every again, evenifit wasn’t with thank you; she evenhugged Josiah’s long That thigh. Eleni made proud, see to icecream,the it was delicious. Effie in chimed seconds not later herwith own Jr. clambered down off his chair saidand withbest hismanners Thank you for night. Jr. didyou say thank you to Josiah for bringing you icecream. – Thank you said.Eleni that’sJosiah, But think I the icecream to- they need all Ishould grateful.Really be of Evan, but shethat knew wasn’t fair either. Maybe some folks are just alright. voice inside her murmured it for was all show to keep impressing her infront cup away There to sink. the again, he didn’t that. to do Someneed suspicious telling himnot to worry, there’s more where that came from. But took the Eleni his pantleg but he didn’t to notice. seem Instead he just crouched at Jr.’s side to down bend and pick up cup. the Some of melted the icecream had splotched clean with. But hadJosiah broken up had stood already; away from Evan’s arm line.the Luckily he didn’t break it, she thought as she rose to grab something to pangThe of Jr.’scup against snappedtile the Eleni out of her stream like a fish on enjoy them Let it ifit’s warm out. Summer come enough. will soon havealright though, I’ll to clean kitchen this sometime. go them to Let park. the of and his shirts ask sure himto to them take park. the That’s enough they’ll Evan slouched right here most in his likely thick socks with Josiah wearing one and toast with peanut down butter to see scurry for twins the and they’ll then know asleep inEvan’s it. be I’ll study and wake early before Thea to make eggs twins the loved him.They’dBesides, be asking to parkgo the to tomorrow, I just his never ears know. I’ll But that’s not fair is it. No, that’s not for me to decide. white coat, collar. wide the How he managed to that get jobwith the all silver in little awkward for tall even,too grocery’s the uniform, slender too to fill outthe for Evan; ten whole years younger than and us only both still inhis twenties. A brate with too. Josiah really is asweet isn’t thing, he, evenifhe’s abit young too always and does now of because him at can haveleast they something to cele- to get melted the at trickles bottom. the But he didbring something; them he | /// 35 /// he went to look for today in the secret spot, and that was a nice thing. Nobody nice thing. a Nobody was that and in thespot, secret today look for to went he by. nobody else comes No, do they. presents, with over else comes faucet. whilethe said off twisting bed, to Ma get to you time for baby – Alright in a while. you on I’ll check to be up too, brother Get your was He Josiah. by Jr. still standing saw and chair her in push to back went Effie Ma to something say in, to step to him wanted he maybe him like at up looking was It right. wasn’t Jr.knew that couldeven Effie see toothat But bedtime. about it said Ma cause do never would she way him—a at looking was Jr. way careful a kiss to came Ma happen could anything before But that. like stare nice to wasn’t Tell the boys saying foyer the towards them off push the and heads themboth on see them in the morning. you’ll goodnight, taking his foyer, in the the floorboards onto thekitchen the lead took out Jr. somewhere. him follow to Effie wanted did when he always he that steps too-big draping top, at the at landing the and sat staircase up the They curled way their secret their unspoken theirbetweenlegs the woodenthe banister—this, posts of ear, big a like was the foyer here From bed them to too early. sent when Ma spot at of icona the light The else thein house. all the anywhere talk echoing from down spilling a deep orange, hallway the little washed the landing of the corner here, Up away. tocking perched, the wall cuckoo clock where the staircase across dark intothe off Effie sending a in cave, they used a campfire imagine had to Jr. that now anymore as fun not game’s that But keep warm. to firewoodthem for up a tonew think have would He was. she dark like ofthe not scared Effie’s sleep. to back go to have so they wouldn’t game, wasJr. to trying tell could Effie Ma. to something saying was Evan Downstairs the see on could it She going. the cuckoo clock was hear all could she but listen, - drop weights pinecone the long the icona, by half lit them, only of wall in front Evan at lake. the line a fisherman’s like the wooden the dark villa from into ping turning the in clock the gears keep theweights how time, one her to it told had to has it come how goes That’s the dead. clock all the way they drop once and seen too—how had him do it She work. otherwise said, he won’t it be wound, nice and up back all the way pinecones the heavy with chains pulledhe the long open. or acoming curtain shuffling cards like so a sound made the clock slow it. by meant she what knowing without thought, good Effie a was sound, That too. wound that keep to I’ll maybe enough be day One big the cuck- in jumbles; been away had fell trying catch to Jr. the words long Before if feeling, theyeven had of Theythe them oo bath. in a warm sunk both clock was Something over. was the moment that each other, tell to bother wouldn’t nowthere and away fell moment ofthat sounds The they knew. now, different - foot long and whisper, dishes shingle, on the instead—rain ones different were this the was And in the foyer. bedroom Ma’s towards the kitchen out from steps /// 36 /// | Ma water running kitchen. inthe Ishould turn back now, or else. Iwas wrong. I ones Ma’s always to at talking night. Where’s rain, the Josiah saying Evan’s name, go out. But where is it. Where are candles the and pictures the of saints, the the Effie’sThea alwayswood, the keeps iconaburning. She those never lets candles he was under house. the There shouldbe afire here, thought—even he without he didn’t know.path The downsloped theand somehowair got colder; knew he going deeper, not towards entrance the at he all, realized, but some other way radiatorthe was far away, until knocking rain eventhe was washed out. He was from passage, the stone the damp underfoot. He kept until walking creak the of wasn’t afire to follow. But he keptstill his hand the let wall, on it guide him out remembered way. the Thecave was wet and coldbefore, like only nowthere Jr. put his hand on fumbled wall, cool for the his footing dark inthe until he make it just like out this, tunnel the Ifound on my own. light far, so but not me. I’m big without light, the Idon’t hercan firewood, I need about tunnels, the how never knew far went. back they She’d only follow the here, not inmy secretcave.used to Effie go the get firewood but knew she never should’ve put treasure the back here, no way could ick-it the find then. it Not is aspot not evenshe knows about, my own secretplace without her. Might got caught it’s Effie. She can’tlike run I can.doesn’t She know where to go. This didn’tthey evenknow it was you. Probably didn’t they even notice. If anyone Come on, fraidy cat, get outta there. They sawonly yousecond, a but probably of coats. curtain the It’s safe now, he thought, now Ican go. minute, two, an hour—before his breathing went back down. He back peeled tapping rain turned to Jr. knocking. waited went time til it smudgy—was one asked his chest a behind screen of winter coats. Effie’sfootsteps scurried by, stopped, slid into crawlspace the opencrouched the closet, behind to with close his knees fittedbeen intothe wall. He heard behind Effie him but he didn’t wait for her. He byever used bathroom, the where chute alaundry down to basement the had with Effie close on heels.his peeled He off, ducking into atheycorridor hardly Jr. was first the banister,the to lose scrambling through the hallway shadows underneath. up them revealed on landing the way the Jr. to flip used over rocks forthe slugs by bedroom the doorlight and new the spilling all out against stairwell the weren’tthing they supposed to have yet. But Evan then flippedthelampswitch magnetlike against banister, the eager for somethingdidn’t they know, some- toytrain hitches. listened They forthe shutter door’s rattle, drawingtheir faces around trail siah corner the Evan, behind boys’ the fingerslashed together like werethat they knew nobody watching. From perch their twins the watched Jo- long enough at top the of stairs—a those moment where things would happen moment wanted, both they what always they would hoped they catch sat if they where didyou go,kept going again. Heat cracked radiator inthe pipes. The | /// 37 /// don’t know the way. I don’t know the way and even if Effie was here not knowing notknowing here was even if Effie and the way know don’t I the way. know don’t did you Ma, you are Where together. it know not we’d least at either the way sorry the about if I called. me hear I’m Could you too. this place about know time I’ll take Effie sorry Next the tree. about I’m And before. about icecream, me. worry to about there up be alone won’t time she Next swear. I me, with a little And the in dark. tunnel long another in the way, fork another then it’s But it—she could been of Ma, couldn’t it But all in the distance. thelight sudden beensleeps of she all Thea, couldn’t it And the dishes. washing downstairs was saying light little that there, light that put someone But long. all night and day cold, and dark going, keeps the cave And the way. know don’t you follow, Follow, room. another on opens it then finally and Follow, saying keeps the light and Jr. it, is right not that’s But seen never before. he’d a room new room, A brand we don’t Cause here. if I live this room know I don’t come How himself. asked first—. Yiayia’s was it though even now, house this our Isn’t Ma. now, here live rugs Yiayia’s of and inthe all wall, going a fire It’s dark. and big is room new This slouched woman old an was it the fire, by armchair thein big And hanging. the from the woman Ma, her It’s leaves. wet and blankets in wrapped She’s over. Only underground. living old witch storybook. faces, the three with ick-it The cause tell really I can’t woman. old a regular looks like in disguise, this time she’s sleep- she Is cooking, Ma. your like just smells she But chest. her on head’s her me for wants She open. and out are hands dead. Her she is sleeping—or just ing, all face it’s dead. Her she is or Ma, sleeping, she is But tell. I can here, come to are andthere loud is fire see The Can she me. I can’t. see but I wanna her blurry. crying pack the whole a like barking, for Hungry mouth. her out barking dogs can’t I can’t—I But go. to I want Ma. anymore, the cave like I don’t bone. same Ma—there look, And barking. barking barking just are dogs The feet. my move the me, of in front see right I can it lap! her on there right It’s treasure! my is, it did how But the willow. from sap with sticky year, last birthday my from treasure How the ick-it. to treasure my give Did you her. to it give Did you Ma. it, get she knew looking. I was when the you tree out it took you come How Ma. you, could Just anyway. me got it’s now and looking when I was earlier me got of could It Get me Ma. me, Help you. would Why you. could How Ma. did, you look what barking. the dogs stop Make here. of out /// 38 /// | crushing honeysuckles their into sky. the fence old men pushing dressed indew up pavement the trees huddlewild black the behind shadows across turf the of an old tennis court. In light the by neighborhood fitness the centerpeel Without lamps sun the electric on walk the | /// 39 /// .III. - muf socks hardly their winter the kitchen, from them again, Eleni hear could would them, scold she maybe wood.time old Another on the weight their fling they know to their and small hear bodies to something was moving still it but shut; squeaking the faucet thought, she way, that they I hope stay together. were be could to easy it how sometimes worried She other. they each I hope to keep trying them when herself they to listen to catch would she Already apart. grow them tender approach to theirs, of secret language that unmask to played—tried the out come fawn stray like sometimes children her saw palmed. open She and she that, for useno waryof everything. softfooted, thethere’s park, But at trees for. wait only can you things are There worries. her back blinking thought, - night the blue letting again, window the kitchen from the blinds drew She looked always outside streetposts The light. little fall the kitchen’s with mingle everything clouding in a soft mist the spring in this weather, lanterns like more her face across of a thin reflection spill to minglednow both lights But gauze. - the check and all—part the dim kitchen it of part her of making the window, the cold earth outside, part the damp also of but hallways, dark and table ered of wasshe all Inthe window offthe lake. up drifting vapor March of thickness - phone drooping brow, curling and cheekbones somehow—was this together gotta check’s That electric in shoescuffedlines, gleaming dew. mailbox tile, the the Just in the dishsoap. elbow-deep hands her with thought soon, she be here she promised Fanny coming. the bad weather all. Just that’s trucks runningslow, after and insisted she But be fine. would we her I told even though send it would all the come to Got the river. by in Easton down from all the way coming all it’s a minute it give take a while, just Course it’ll the mountains. around and up way tomorrow. it I’ll check Maybe come. It’ll show. to double-checked door and the front out all were lights the it that to seeing After study. Evan’s to headed upstairs the handrail, around way her Eleni wrapped of the wood—the orange warm onto spilling was a thin bedroom her light From instead, overhead of the starkness the for wished She knew. she thefloorlamp, snag to forgotten the door; on knocking she’d bad about feel so wouldn’t she have him to good for it’s again, thought she alright, it’s But the good pillow. cast quickly to the icona by paused she the landing mounted she As someone. of wooden icons little the did she every This before night, prayers. evening her closed eyes all could her she she When concentrate. couldn’t she But the saints. and then it down, pin She triedto hallway. the through floating a voice was hear /// 40 /// | gathering years of parched candlewax, cotton palms, of balls holy oil spoiling whatthen, have little votives I inherited—these plaques, sooty wooden these and maybe you can. Canyou hear her, Mother; can you hear me answer too; me listening wall, the to your sister you curse just as sure as ifyou could hear her; inherited. But at look me now, standing here with my hands together staring at intoningtile, your prayers inthat same women the rasp all from had village the a womanarms pews, of wooden cut those from glittering stone, rooted to the possiblewas somehow. all you I see now too, Mother, listening, leaning in the for themselves miracleworker this real desire had to it and believe they very the branches, high the asymbol of desire their to welcome him,of desire their to see an ass’ back and people the had strewn his all path leaves with palm cut from loved listening to readings, the how Lord the came through Holy the on Land And hadn’t Palm the always your Sunday been favorite—I service know you there were many so things you’d want still for us to do, isn’t that right Mother. thought, cause that’s what you would have wanted. And anyway, she was right; year. Thea made knownit in her quiet wayEleni all we oughta service, go the to catch firethe loft in above the narthex and howbeen a warm it had thatbreeze how it was only aweek before Easter that year that church’s the organ would to remember it all—how it was first the Palm Sundaywithout Mother around; to Eleni’sspeaking mother like she just stood across that threshold, forced her go together, five the them,last of year. And hearing Thea thatnow in bedroom, leaves were arranged—palms from last year’s Sunday. been able all to had They on chest-0f-drawers small the beneathcandles, the ahandful of dusted palm was staringEleni at a chip of paint on some saint’s shoulder. In red the votives Evi.holes carpet, inthe If you gonna liedown, liedown. Lord,the not simply baba. Why you come still by, Thea choked. You gonna burn ass, Father’seven if the a horse. until he leaves her here too. But letme tell you something—a jackass ajack- still with that man like she queen of and castle the she forget way the ajackass smells hear nothing. You one the that left me here. thenAnd youdaughter come here You one the laid who down. Don’t give me that horseshit, Evi. Idon’t wanna only Eleni which island half-understood, you dialect never listen to me anyhow. wereelse inthere her. beside Doesn’t matter, she was hollering inthat same now clear as ever, in a hard talking voice to room the just as sure as somebody mention that all medication, could Thea hardlysay a word. ButEleni heard her housethe on Sundays or to eat. With pain the her hip all was giving her, not to days she kept herself quiet, wrapped up room, inthe only coming out to bless room until last year, until Now funeral. the Thea had claimed it as her own. Most to turret. the Thetwins’ bedroombeyond, the by study. her been mother’sIt had bedroomTheto doorway her was just downthe hall, the by staircase leading up she was sure—it was Thea. Patera, she said, using that word signified which | /// 41 /// the wood, all these mismatched relics of you and Thea right here in this one one in this here Thea right and you of relics the wood, all these mismatched drawers are There Mother. every it day, look at to got I come how And corner. blessed water of phials Whole that. know did you open, I’ll to be never able Mother, of them, out drank you behind thecause leaflets away squirreled just never you’ll And fingertips. priest’s any than sacred themmore makes that and women all my where standing I am, here And them again. taste to back come it, stand I can’t But should. we felt we cause only maybe and stood before have that. like you at holler her to listen I can’t anymore. her to listen I can’t Mother. —Eleni when began heavy a you to glory Almighty, Father the God, o you, to Glory look to a quick cut the wood. She shook downstairs the bedroom from sound too, needed attention her that this something was wondering doors, the shutter her Helen, St. the effigy with eyes locking of the icona, to back coming before glory Almighty, Father the God, o you, to Glory the Apostles— Equal to namesake, to you. - the knocked when night he mouth Josiah’s into swearing himself caught Evan atop crawled when he the cot to was close it how misjudged over—he’d stand his untangling thought, he spoiled, was movement thewhole Now lap. theboy’s the sheets out slunk Evan interrupted. thing’s the whole now Josiah’s; legs from the on naked crouched himself of conscious made, he the mess up gather go to how only time thinking the whole up in a frenzy, items the He snatched floor. notice he would the bed. How from Josiah the look curve to might back his of muscular thighs, did his once spine; the steppingstone ribcage, the weathered the highlight only the lamp from did the shadows or still seem new, sturdy, and cycling wrinkle of to years soon, skin sure sheer rubbed all from the hair clean suggest might that the carpet to way friction; some in too low balls did his droop in the what godknows for looking twentysomething a fresh longer no was he on the There summers? younger his of porches secret and bars bathroom shaded his between feelhardness the could Evan things, sister’s of his pile a with floor, he it, about thinking Stop away. drained was as warmth legs beginthe soften to all happen to the of things really But worse. it make only you’ll himself, chided and to after specialall supposed be a It was day seemed fitting. this somehow oughta be in when I floor the bed off elastic and postcards up picking I am here laughing me; be touching oughta when he now laughing who’s this with boy any gra- off; it it, diffusethey to laugh do in a situation folks what that’s cause again, start all over gotta thing’s the whole now But anyway. would, person cious it got even I’ve sure not I’m But the nightstand. right to up standing thought, he said— thinking, was he when Josiah again, up start it to in me you. – Hey, about easy way same look him in theeyes; that Evan made it said he the way It’s and I you seesaid that a way It was place. in the first attention his him snagged /// 42 /// | gentle affirmation that yes,I want you, wheneven you tremble and yes, you are said without saying; of course you are. He clutched Evan’s hipbones tighter, a old worries—amthose is I good, it clean, are you sure. But of course I am, Josiah soft bramble the of thighs, hairbetween hisclench of his muscles contracting his lips. He could tell Evan was unsure; felt him tremble as his fingers foundthat – C’mere, Josiah said as he laid back on pillow, the guiding Evan’s waist toward enough to receive each other. how jaw; in this entirely unreal at that all there are of open parts still us both strange that jaw this fits in my hand thatand some part tender of safeme is warm rain. There is room enough inside of somehow,me, even for him. How dampin the hollows, our blooming cocks together like gardenia after nights of about that; my all peels who back fleshwith precision, hiscareful fingers lost faraway whorl of salt and pebble. But here now is aboy never who once asked his secrets fromall my earlobe. But they’ve swashed away all now, sunk in a my Father’s the teeth, son with fisherman hands theand fisherman who sucked ken debris bobbing up out foam. the Therethe was alwayswho Italian tugged at out dark in the and of all sculpted them to rubble; years of men reduced to bro- boys onbeen my windswept beaches, heroes of some island fantasy scrawled eyes before, I oughta know. I’ve skin crawl awayseen on its own. There have hand on my back, or my on cock of smooth banks the his naval. I’ve these seen flowingback in again—how longcan this I to keep me, thanpressed hiscloser that Iknow can keep me. But for how long, not he to tried wonder, warmth the wrapped around hairless these cupping thighs of half hands me ineachpalm; opening and hands that help me back into hands bed; the hitched to long arms and want to know here still; them comes amouth thathere says come comes same the hand reaching—fingerswhich haveknown the depth of me young My thing. fruit’s already flowered and fallen, twobut yearsstill and here do, Evan wondered, setting one back on knee mattress, the fresh this to deserve and silver hues of casting ink wavesraise ocean of arm. What with every didI of fuzz ing; his nectarine the shoulders stitched into with bright tattoo, blues the found shelter injutting now like steel raftersthe in filmplastic new ofa- build Hedesign. was atemple himself, same boy—those this collarbones he’d once and pressed smooth cartilage, it seemed into all himsinceby birth some strange little chinks of lamplight coming off Josiah’s piercings.silver The in his lobes soft waiting for him.There’s just no way, he kept as thinking, he blinked againstthe way. Evan felt himself tense, eager to rediscover that stretched body out and across his long like his own simply thigh, body hadn’t to himinsome occurred sprawled straight out, not caring or maybenot noticing how flapped his balls ments—the careless way he cocked one up knee air inthe and other the leg way, he thought, that is this mine, by of overwhelmed ease Josiah’s the move- tress but didn’t get in,eyeing Josiah for first the all time over again. There’s no I want you and I’ve you never seen before at all once. Evan leaned into mat the - on every on every | /// 43 /// a body with your own taste and yes, I like that. Josiah turned his man around, around, man his turned Josiah that. like I yes, and taste own bodya your with the body of above the weight sustaining guided lips, the his smooth thighs to he inhaledas face his the across drape and up open flesh let the warm him; he - Jo worried, is he know I uncertainty. and wanting with hot skin, unwrapped I here. I’m him show can I how thisis but tongue, his unfolding siahthought, is he I know twenty-five. barely me and older getting about worried is he know about also worried is he I know and the twins, sister, his job, his about worried to even belong doesn’t that house olive little in this quiet noise toomaking much about worried is he I know I know. sister. dead his mother’s to belongs him but him have to I also want never true, him, but easier for it make to I want all and it the cheeks, my on taste his smell, my with smell his this—mixing like unless it’s take as Just for. opening who he’s me it’s that knowing me and open him of heat jaw my of still, the cramp longer then take a little and relax needs to he as long language this little throat, in his air of every toes,worth the his catch of cracking sure I am yes, good and are you yes, that other each speakwe remind to labor of you. only I want yes, and and the other the of them into both out spilled had heat Afterwards, when the - arm, of his thumb Josiah in crook the held Evan the floor, tossed to were towels earrings. his of one ing twins. the for icecream Bringing earlier. you of sweet was – That em too. I love know You nothing. – It’s their night. made still. You but – I know, teeth. his with nipple Evan’s at nipped Josiah – Careful. I made. night the only that – Is another for being ready always think, started to that Evan energy, that I miss though, to the wanting stops Nothing was. it what matter no anything, of round - won he it go, all where’s But is all. get tired a you while after Just really. not mewling against Kitchen hear could he doors the scrolling beyond Just dered. He be him too. to with wanting and inside was he that knowing the her tracks, separate her keep to sorry beenhaving waiting, for she’d long how wondered point. some in at let her to I will have love. of this showing from morning. in the again to you They’llsee want sleep. to get should – We – I’ll be around. plans. have don’t – You /// 44 /// | – Yeah. timing. Bad shit– Real of him. – Mhm. – Their father. you know. With twins the and all. – Just her, way the she is. Idon’t know. It’s hard been on her, after, especially well, – What then. – It’s not that. – You don’t so. think – Yeah. – Evan. – you– She tries, know. – – Your sister. – Nothing. Nothing, really. It’s—. – Come on now, don’t dothat. What’s on your mind. – What doyou mean what’s up. What’s– up. Hey. – Hey. – – Alright. – Isay so. – If you say so. – Idon’t mind. wear you– They’ll out, youknow. again. She’s useless with that stuff. – Not really. Told my ma I’d drop back by later on. Gotta help her with T.V. the | /// 45 /// – Is there ever a good time to get left. ever a good get time to there – Is know. you get, startedto Mother when It was right was—. This but. – No, – Oh. I know. you and, later years two now And go. to her took it years whole – Three us. of Any in this house. still doing I’m what know don’t just too. needs you She aunt. your – Well, different. – It’s different. – How just it’s hurryher Besides, with go. to any in not She’s as sin. stubborn – Thea’s different a whole It’s That’s—. Mother. like all. is Not hip that Just body. her the Just The accidents. forgetfulness. The mind. her was it Mother thing. With away. slipping it of whole – Hmmm. keep—. – Besides, I can’t – What. this. doing – Keep what. doing – Keep I’m I mean mean—. I only C’mere. that. like it mean I don’t on. come you, – Not my in. up I grew house Both in the living back I’m now and old years thirty-five my who isn’t a woman to Answering work. for over a town dead. Driving folks own. my aren’t that children raising and mother that. mean don’t – You I am still. What But harsh. that sound to it for mean I don’t I mean, – I don’t—. here. doing I’m what know don’t I just doing. fine. just doing – You’re This between fingers. his it spinning ear, in Josiah’s the ring with fumbled Evan even when you this sneaking away, thought, him, he for strange as be just must jewelry stopped had worn in years, hadn’t Evan allcarry the same. you with it him from for back brought mother his one ago—the years cross own his wearing of in the shadow this way, deal love to our still have we that it is Why the island. in the hall Out the cuckoo that—. wondered, he it, is Why religion. mothers’ our in villa striking its the moment doors of shut and the swing started going, clock /// 46 /// | come looking for him too. about stolen the treasure, wondering how long it would for take ick-it the to She wouldn’t know it, but Jr. was awake her, beside inhis bed grinding his teeth few minutes without him.She she was couldn’t glad remember. out too. That made Effie wonder sometimes how sheever managed those first way Ma socrying toldhard it, when Effie she was came and didn’t stoptil Jr. was minutes before Jr. is which opposite the of how it was with Evan and Ma. The something not right. Ma to tell used it to how both them Effie came out afew icky feeling from before, about Jr. gone; being that was areal feeling; that was loomed outsidestill window, the but weren’t shethey knew real. Not like that had enough time. None of could help these her though, she knew. Giant squids on ceiling the she which thought one day maybe she would count ifonly she toys on top, breathing curtains the little inthe draft;there werethe speckles she wouldn’t have about to think it. Therewith bookcase theher was brother’s and she woke him.Her stomach and grumbled she looked across room the so if he was awake without saying something. But she would of felt ifhe wasn’t bad to reachtried out to himinthat to quiet see way could dosometimes, they try and went straight without to bed aword, shut tight underneath covers. the She He’d shot into room the just her, behind after they got split up balcony,the on her,Beside Jr. heap was afuzzy streetlight inthe coming through windows. the asleep.be how many it cuckoos made but she it knew wasmany; too she knew oughta Effie rolled overbed fifth upin the her after wide still caw, awake. She lost count two with hatchets. their He had forgotten he even wound it that morning. | /// 47 /// /// 48 /// | in the sky’sin the blue clouds bowleven the gone to rest. to Carolinas. the Just moon’s new the silver hangnail lowthe thunder of afreight train on its way east water on highway. the Somewhere offbehindtreesthe again astreak of pickup come trucks sweeping away little mirrors into potholes on pavement. the Now & It rain the spell dripping was asmall | /// 49 /// .IV. The loon had come back. back. come had loon The of in search the dark into diving the lake, of the reaches circled it All morning un- up lapped the water the banks where eyes seared Its spear. to something have might the loon banks where the reeds—those same onto pieces familiar the stray or boats the propeller they had or survived the winter young raised its been had it now But wings. their little by them undercurrent snagging brambles beside grass of patch same in that in the mist, out throat its caw to returning fed, blue The bill. its to still sticking trout unlucky the scales some house, of the olive all a meal. Now itself found had it already and happening now just only was knew, it long, before a new clutch lay to have would It wait. do was to was there yes, that reassuring in, house drew the The eye returned. mate soon its as as just version atthe feathers breast its puffed loon The claimed. had it this the place is - famil from recognizing threat not light, early in reflected windows’ the itself of an porch, the wraparound of lip the hanging above window, upstairs an In iar. blue. the morning break to on came light orange even though it, around way no was there again, the sheets wash to have She’d a tiny was he since the bed, not did wet least never Jr. a load yesterday. done she’d - happen it so why’s breast, her against him while rocked she thing,Eleni thought again, dreams her of in one been caught him she’d heard she Before now? ing the recurring the usual, of been it one Had clear. it remember couldn’t she only it But so her much. bothered have not might it seemed never shake, she to ones even be awake not might she like feel her made this one about something was be- downstream floating log cabin a little a house, about Something now. right dirt and brown of a stream was it water of instead only tween the mountains, for early Too stones. like the froth out up bobbing earth, tombstones green white kept she baby, it is palm. her with What back Jr.’s rubbing allthought, this, she was— say all could he him, but asking did. she I know it, took she Ma, it took – She now. us just it’s alright, , you’re Strataki-mou ok, – It’s it. took she I know it, took she – But baby. nothing took – Nobody her. to it gave you – Then /// 50 /// | like, dark and mushy. And she hated of to think Jr. like that, of something like could smell stain the Jr. not of to had made, think what trying sheets the looked She was listening now to feet their going down hallway, the away from her. She of to play games the used they were games and how many maybewere real. right whole the abouttime ick-it. the Now she didn’t know anymore how many right Truth thing. told be she was afraid too. Afraid maybe that what ifJr. was sheCourse wanted to say something to himto help but nothing like the seemed room she Jr. knew was upset. She could feel it before he to even started cry. Effie was listening whole timethe inbed. her own before Even Ma camethe in your Thea’s sleeping. still – Alright, let’s go. quiet now, Be we don’t want to wake anyone up. else You know Jr. his head. nodded some chai with Ma. – Come on now Jr., let’s go downstairs. make us some I’ll chai. You want to have derstand what went on inthere. Jr.’s little pressed head against her breast she worried she might never really un- get often, like too they this so invested Besides, will. their in games.own With justthey don’t understand how are, they small and ifIdon’t remind who them stories to get to them sleep, to leave her alone for one minute out day. the But no, tree. Cause it was her fault, wasn’t it, rattling like them that. Telling scary them She hadn’t yesterday, this expected she when hollered at himfor playing in the grip, looking not for or at anything but direction inthe window. of curtained the tostarted digat his shoulder. When he jolted under pinch the her she loosened hadn’tEleni noticed she’d screwedJr.’s into shirt until atight her fingernails ball – The ick-it! – Efstratios that’s enough, now didyou who house. inthis see – Don’t you know she’s coming to get me too. – Not around else nobody but us, now. – Why’d you give it to her, Ma. – Who doyou Strati. see, – Is too, her, Isee Iknow she’s here. – Hiding house, inthis no such thing. – You can’t her now, see she’s hiding. – Gave it to who. | /// 51 /// that happening to him. I oughta go see him, Effie thought. He’s my little brother brother little my He’s seego Effie him, thought. oughta I him. to happening that about sure make to down go so me I should about sure making always he’s and do. should I what after all.Ma Sothat’s for does Evan what That’s him too. he’d sure He was room. the leave and to dress the first was Evan Downstairs, crying. kissed the staircase he between down Josiah the coming someone heard of a on pair throwing before longer sleepto a little left him and shoulderblades the at sister his them in the kitchen, found shirt. He knit a longsleeved boxers, the table. on chin his with in a chair Jr. a waterpot, with stove – Morning. Evan. god, – Oh sis. matter – Whatsa the fridge. at stared just him. Jr. answer Eleni didn’t guy. big feeling you – How fingers. his with curls his beside him, tousling sat Evan sister. his asked he – Bad dreams, accident. a little had – We – Oh. – Mhm. – Hmm. – Yep. now. gone are the bad dreams guy, big alright that’s – Well the ick-it. it’s a dream, not – It’s you. did I tell what – Jr. an ick-it. had we know huh, didn’t ick-it – The him. encourage don’t – Evan tears. more no alright, now, gone it’s buddy, here listen you – But – Evan. she and turned this one handle let me just said a look that sister his cut Evan the tea. to back herself /// 52 /// | away for day the cause know they Ican’t handle myself. them But it would be anythingin abaggie, but just letthem up scoop my them children and carry do something,thing, offerboysthesome coffeeleast, at fruitoffer to pack some movement throughwhole thetime, afilm salt, thinking of I oughtasay some - Jr.scooped up into his arms despite how big he’d gotten. watched Eleni the Josiah had Effie’s taken curls palm, guidinginto his her towards stairs.the Evan So anyway Evan was saying to twins, the though she only heard halfway him. itLet burn him out my mind. she didn’t move to temper it Let burn hurt the with apalm. alittle, she thought. mug harder into her temple; some of teasloshed the out onto her forearm but not let that man into my today head and not certainly early. this She pressed the children inaway father their never did, bastard. the But no, absolutely not, Iwill Still, Evan always was better at more acted this; were own like they two his very it,course you you’re deserve mother their afterall. If not youwhothen else? yet. But neither should I,she before started biting her cheeks at thought. the Of keeping it together all firstthingthe in morningwhen he hasn’teven gotten up hard Evanso to see like He this. trying shouldn’t have to dothat, she thought, heldEleni warm the mug up to her temples. She was grateful, but annoyed still we doarematch today park. inthe Imean, ifJosiah’s up to challenge. the you if youhead think can still beat him ina race. What doyou Effie, I think say and of– Speak she devil the appear. shall Just telling Jr. here you’re outta your from entryway, the her arm around his slender thigh. shutter door opened again. After a muffled moment Effie Josiah and emerged morning birds. From upstairs quick footsteps the fumbled down while hall the bubbled out its steam into room. the Outside loon the kept cawing against the crankedEleni stove the back down, moved kettle the to adifferenteye. it Still – Here you go baby, said. Eleni Just letit steep aminute or two. – Atta boy. Jr. pinched Eleni nodded. amixof teainto diffuser. the remind him,alright. – That’swhat I keep telling him. He won’t listen to me. You gottathe be one to – Isaid well he can’t. He’ll never beat me. Josiah’s slow. too – What’s that bud. Jr. mumbled something as kettle the to started whine. park. You know he can Josiah beat thinks you still in arace, can you it. believe – Tell you what, how about let’s get out house the today. How about we go to the | /// 53 /// fine, the boys would take care. They would take better care than I could andeven could I than care would They better take care. take would the fine, boys Besides, this whole all we know. what that’s way that it mean theythough don’t - those the twins sto ever telling for myself kick just I could fault. my morning’s meant only I’d neck. own my wring absolutely just place; could riesthein first sleep- into to in, moved them and scare try we first all, a storywhen as after it a child. as me gave mother own books the mythology my story from some ing; the from fire stole titans those stories—where love I always and Evan didn’t And ridiculous the thing Greeks other any or salt, into people turned gods or gods, what who knows And the world. of try sense to some out up make made and god they or which ghost who knows anyway, that like onto story they latched sounded that of the house—none under woman old ick-it, Ick-it, thinkthey saw. to go They never up in games. their tooget wrapped did They always familiar. I why’d matter, it So what’s I say. what matter no anyway, hour a decent bed at where look now and it with run they away those only even bother with stories; did. you what look now em. Just got it’s to walk bed, careful soft Jr.’s pulled off the sheets and upstairs back Eleni went - down twins with the loud laughing were room the though even boys Thea’s past it But air. some for a window cracked and balled tight She up the sheets stairs. it, shake couldn’t Still she the dream. was It her. bothered that the smell wasn’t in the off dropped the dream where or happened what just remember couldn’t caught she the icona, past and the hallway walked down back she As world. real a palms upturned, maroon, royal in head the wrapped eyes—her by Helen St. saying about thought She between arms. her hovering cross golden miniature the where the foyer, past downstairs, back way her made just but something, their them boots. with helping the cot, on seated the twins had boys Eleni the basement. to thin a a latch was wooden on the door stairs Underneath was There slowly. unhooked lock the her hip, to cloth wet of bundle shifted the the into landing a triangular from curving staircase rickety same around that took Eleni floor. the concrete on dryer rested and earth, units the washer where was it light, the low In the house. under scanned the darkness and down a step been had everything it But once, in particular. Nothing shapes. dusty all just say mother her it down, Eleni Throw heard things. Mother’s of it—all hadn’t their her bring to Evan and her for hollering always the stairs, of the foot from started arm it.of Eleni’s care take I way. the all down, it throw Just school clothes. them flung and the sheets up bunched and thought, then, she Fine twitching. door the locked basement She it. of take care you the machines, towards down behind her. the si- And been had the house emptied. that realize time to some her took It went She her in ears. hollering house of the whole quiet The too big. was lence until fumbled and still twitching, forearm her windows, the kitchen to quick in bike through—a inhaledopen.She coming finally alltheynoises swung the /// 54 /// | – Shore him, don’t Iknew tell me. – Very same. – Shore do, fella corner inthe always playin’ checkers, army man, went by Huby. – You member Hubert Rochelle, come up to Sissy’s now n’ every again to drink. – Well, come on now. – Mhm. – Thatright. – Well, nothing good. too – Tell me what’s good. – Mhm. – Oh, you know. – Alright, alright. How you. – Well how be, I’ll you doing. – Terrence Anderson, up road. the – Who’s ‘at now. Jerry,– Jerry! you up yet! fromknew street. the For once she welcomed Some this. man was just now up calling to someone he occasional television left on, conversations come downfrom balconies. open big willow out most back obscured of ugly brick, the but she could still hear the that complex new they’d only just finished building. behind Thefew the trees of Park Place before street the opened up onto store, drug the a filling station, itsrun course alone. Their plot the corneron thelast was historic house north ran. Nowthey they’d out passed from her vision completely, leaving Summit to turned corner the south towards park. the Iwouldn’t able be to help if them shot out aprotective arm. Iwouldn’t able be to dothat, she thought, as they strodewhich, abit confidently too intothe without road before looking Evan coats looking absolutely miniature incomparison. One of she them, couldn’t tell across street the tiny with boys—those the little frames wrapped tight intheir forehead. There the intersectionat of Summit and Park her childrenscurried therestill on mailbox. the grassy the knoll beside She sweat the wiped from her slush,the beeping some down unseen truck road, the caw eventhe of loon, the | /// 55 /// - – Well, he died. he – Well, – Naw. – Mhm. – When. – Last night. – Hell. it. – I know Hubert Rochelle. good a was man, – That it. – I know him. took – What this mornin’. Sissy from it heard just say, – Can’t realshame. a – That’s I said. what – That’s – Mhm. a bite. for you wants she sometime, Sissy’s by on come you listen, – Well me. for her kiss you – Alright, do. – Will Terrence. – Alright – Alright. the down Thea come even hear didn’t she soEleni close been that had listening the landing. at already was she until stairs girl That threshold. the kitchen at standing thought, Kefalas Sophia right, not It’s comes be. She to good way No the window. out looking willlife whole her spend on hands her put to has She them right. tells never the cryingwith and babies won’t them. She touch won’t She won’t. she else they learn. But them never or wheat. still looks of sack a she and thein morning thing First hair. her brush even her of aware not is girl That forgot. she knowing back it pulls she how See now self; still a girl no matter what she thinks she is, a mother only by birth. See by now only thinks a mother is, she she what self; still matter a girl no - af up cleaned hasn’t see.She thinks she wouldn’t I a spill clean to moves she how the door. by boot still muddy still in the dishes sink, the child’s either, dinner ter mother. her like the bit least Not place. in its back put nothing moved, Nothing /// 56 /// | is it. No more noble than away. running in front girl this See of me looking out to have burned on our own soil. But no, that’s no more right than what we did, village,the no matter had araid come, orthen firewe earth, the to ought fall island. Evi should have joined monastery the after all; we should have never left her namesake’s reflectionthe water in sheknew. We should have stayed thaton she looked into well the at Agia Paraskevi and heard lord’s the and whisper saw how end up. all we will Evi it. knew Ever since islands the Evi had known, when now young too to even hold thought. the A family like you this can tell already slouchhow will old intheir they age, with years, how the set but skinwill their grow will They same. the Look up exactly them at and you cansee already,it knowing of his father’s pit. havewill girl The too window a like her mother. not different so the end. in will The boy stumble through his own never path, and I’m gone and how to take own their they see ways ways their will they are on her brother; her own same; children dothe long will afterthey’re grown but Evi never forgot it either, went on easy too her. Now she leans heavy too helped, what your mother leaves behind. Aftersheall is her mother’sdaughter, but instead she shakes it like so. Instead she rattles it out. Ofcourse it can’t be on tasks. She smallest the couldgy clutch towel the once and done be with it waynervous share, they the ruffling clothlike trapping sobee, a much ener her hands on atowel and for aminute just look she does like Evi. Thatsame Something she says to me now, quiet. too Something about mail. the She dries window.the No, that’s way no good to be. properly baptized and mother their afumbling mess spends who whole days at where it gets you, off running that, like alone, unmarried, the children noteven like that can wear and her little one stuck with name the now too. Now she sees wouldn’t know right the path from aditch. But now what she sees clothes aman meaning of aname; should that think ifit it sounds good just too might He be. the rightpath, as if there were any right thing about him. She should listen to the even ifhe shit gold. That’s a man to stay awayfrom. Efstratios himself, he called from eyes. That’s city the with evil the a man you don’t letinto your house not on her own what to do, or didshe forget she when withthat left man,that fool remind house. her whose Would remind her what to do. But she should know house. No, ifEvi were here she someinto would sense talk that girl. Evi would yard.the Just you wait I get operation, the til we’ll then who’s see this running as devil’s the shadow, no one there to prune bushes the to even, nobody water about hip; this knows it’s not like it to. used Now willow the branches reach long on blessed be Sunday and she knows Ican’t doit myself. She knows well too now they’re just sitting there unwrapped by icona. the The house shouldalways Daughters,the had Theodora thembring fromover across town herself, and house.the And evenafter I wenttroublethe all to of fromordering coals new bread on Sunday mornings. Already after ten o’clock sheand hasn’tstill censed When Evi was around floors the werealways Copper clean. on Saturdays, sweet - - | /// 57 /// - koukla while the window just like her mother and of course it all comes together; Evi had her her had together; all Evi comes it course of and mother her like just the window have old these eyes But too. hers Cecil.in will girl have little window The own climbing the world winds, cold light, hot of gleaming, windows of enough had when she and small the voice same with me goes past she Now own. its in on See now by. went a breeze thought hardly have would you door the front opens carved sister the my where see inside; her these counters without this kitchen the stirred baklava syr she where the stove skinned the chickens; and tomatoes up and that table where she dried wheat for the koliva, calling me the koliva, dried for she wheat where table that and up pans. her did I put where to, gone sheet that has Where the almonds. I candied us walksof one which anymore it know Would us together. allworn This tilehas my sister or me between stove, at that made be difference so much would here; the mailbox the sidewalk towards alone, crossing now hers of this daughter or means she what knows set, she is like mind her like goes there She the corner. at then must the trees see. I can But her, with is courage Evi’s a moment For do. to the on running by the bikes and thelawn and thehouses verybecome and big cried since has the It allmorning angryits wings. flaps shape bird Some path. spring. the world, stands, she where her stops It head. nodded great her Kefalas Sophia will she look inside. never but girl, that well, own her to come see. can She’s you back. come always and the house into back willShe back. come willShe come out. it willgirl make never That /// 58 /// | flakes fromflakes fur its folds pawsits back under its chin. But clouds the then split up again dogstands &the shakes blue the its bark against blender the suddenly covered so inshade. at unintroduced still aparty &back on blue the porch adogthrows letting amatch to his cigar. gather cirrus the like guests Overhead an old man scratches his with hand halo afree other the Victorian& the guarding wrought-iron the gate to her garden swash of ablender going. In garage the between little the alley on phone the inside howling or laughing under electric the revival cracks her window open shakes her shavings off. A woman Couple houses down baby the blue Anne Queen | /// 59 /// . V. – They’re doing what now, Eleni was saying to her cousin Fanny over the phone, phone, the over Fanny cousin her to was Eleni saying now, what doing – They’re the receiver. against awkwardly craned neck her after her to bedroom back gone had Thea and noon past now just only was It it Better for Eleni thought. long, for downstairs stay all.wouldn’t knewI she weren’t boys still The around. shuffling her with too is tight the house anyway, play the to lake by something them found of one Probably the twins. with back to think Hate he. fun, didn’t for once those back fishbones brought had Jr. with; them suck to waiting just currents full cold of the water, by there them out of the boys care; take would all; after the theboys boys with they were but under, wouldn’t just loon that and come still hadn’t check Fanny’s Anyway did. always watching, scanning, eyes hot its with til night morning there out perched quit, callto Fanny just was it So thebest for owned. thing decided it it what defending the check. with the matter was what herself her ask to just Eleni thought, had up, money the for asked makinghadn’t callthe she feel right since didn’t she first At refusal. It’s no take would Fanny No, had insisted. Fanny but place, thein first just the roads mother her theis village suffix using said, had all, Elenitsa, Fanny bit called extra when she little them—that theirnames onto latched always had close- with associated Eleni always sound a the word, into built familiarity of warmth. comfort, ness, tell Eleni could but beenI had to don’t , she you,tell else saying, know what Nitsa a strange boy, own her about something been saying distracted; she’d was she - re Eleni couldn’t whose name Tennessee Middle in the plateau on up kidliving was frazzled, Fanny Naturally his with friends. somewhere running off member, disappeared suddenly now and miles away hundred three near living son her morning, that sometime the river by Easton passed through a trace; he’d without him. of heard they’d the last was that but saying, was Fanny the line. across crooned Fanny , Nitsa, think to I supposed am what just – Now Fanoula. you, tell to what know – I don’t what awful, just awful, was it Of course sympathetic. be to more Eleni meant babies own her of bear the thought hardly could she through; going was Fanny was check missing the hide that couldn’t she but running off, let alone grown, for it written she’d much how her even told hadn’t Fanny more. her distressing were matter no be polite, wouldn’t that ask; to too was late it this point at and to receiver shifted the thing. She the whole spoil would that no; or they family shoulder. the other /// 60 /// | – Oh. Ok. Everything alright, you don’t sound good. too – I’m here Fanoula, sorry. supposed Elenitsa, you to there? think? still Hello—. on me. His own mother. That was neartwowhole hours ago, whatNitsa, am I but he just said, Gotta go Ma, we’re hitting atunnel, he then went and hung up said it to me’s got to ask me worried. himwhat Itried Course it was got into him it Nitsa but something inhis way wasn’t right. Imean something about how he Southport? Inever heard of such aplace. Usually Iwouldn’t about twice think to Southport, hell ifIknow where that you is. Do know of any place at named all over mountains, the no to time pass through. Said something about heading out aftertheall, onegrew he up in. Butsays he No, Ma, we’re just on our wayeast you’re not stopping by, of course you’re stopping by! This own houseis his very he then says– So to me, Ma, we’re not stopping by. Isaid what doyou mean can’t keep pulling up past the forever. too. There was too the in much presentto worry now. Fanny must’ve figured you But werehad been. they mothers both lost had own both their now; mothers some ancient obligation to keep it alive. How summers warm those with Fanny house. They cameonly backdays, in those pieces, but still Fanny Eleni and felt Fanny’swhile parents, Uncle Pat and Aunt Helen (rest souls), tended their to the as achild herself, of all roaming them that property tucked up mountains inthe variations—stories and stories of Evan and Eleni’s games as children, of Fanny summon summers those differenttime, always every changingwiththeir little sheso could work summers. inthe girls The steakhouse full-time the would War. to Evan send nextthing the had best been So and down Eleni to Easton, to islands, the not after making it out thereof with in Thea tow during the little city by Tennessee the River. Eleni’s mother had sworn she’d never return summers those they’d all ber spent down in Fanny’s hometown, in that scruffy tions more were they when younger, both eachother calling up just to remem- there was no stopping she her was til done. had enjoyed Eleni conversa these - come fiber some unraveled loose from jeans. her When Fanny got talking to suppliedEleni appropriate the mhm’s and is-that-right’s, plucking while the all Anyways, Isaid to him,Idon’t have for athing fridge inthe you when come— clients. Ijust have me abanana or some cereal and that’s my dinner most days. to store the week. You all know how George gets too, always eating out with his clean out, Nitsa, on account of working like I have. Why, I don’t I’ve think been didn’t tell me, Iwoulda fixed y’allsomething eatto forwhen you drop by. I’m we’re coming down throughminute. Easton very this Isaid well how come you noise, Idon’t remember. Listen Ma, he says to me, we left Middlesboro and know that little band they’ve got together Itold you about. Something about Iheard– Last he’d some taken van from with his friends university, the you | /// 61 /// – It’s nothing, Fanoula. Just a headache is all. is a headache Just Fanoula. nothing, – It’s soon. If you to get oughta check that you I told it. is koukla, what on come – Oh I’ll then they’ll call the postal up myself, people really tomorrow come doesn’t it betrouble. in It’s already. so much done not—you’ve it’s Fanoula, you, thank I mean no. – No, I know—. And that. not me. tell it, is – What already. plate your on enough got – You’ve be so don’t now, on Come if I could. this phone through you shake I’d – Nitsa mind. your on What’s stubborn. a dream. – I had I see. in a whisper. almost the line, across said Fanny – Oh, – Mhm. – A bad one. remember. really I can’t I think I mean, so. know. – I don’t – Hmm. remember don’t I just—I and screaming the kids were and up I woke – I mean was itself the dream that not it’s And what. or stopped when thereally dream the dream. out coming bad for I felt like more bad, remember must You remember. do you What Nitsa. slow, me to it Tell – Ok. something. - some how know You I think And asleep. I was early. real was It know. – I don’t still eyes closed your got you and awake, really not you’re but up wake times you then—. And that. like was everything.and It what. – And Nobody the futon. on I was a—. Anyway, had He study. in Evan’s sleeping – I was the across right just still asleep, the kids were And me. with else in the room been anybody. So couldnt’ve it hallway. Nitsa. happened, – What it Only I did. sure I’m cheek. my on a kiss I felt – Somebody I mean kissed me. open. eyes my have I didn’t and sowas early, /// 62 /// | – Oh Nitsa, you know it just as Ido. agood – Tell it to me again, would you. – That old story, how could I forget. about– Remember story the pie. the – Isure did. – You sure did. wewhen were little, and what look happened—I me aSmith. married me craziest the stories. You know she always me Mrs. to call used Smith even my dreams too, same as you. She’d read my coffeegrounds tell everything, and knows ifit or does it doesn’t. Imiss day. my ma every Used to her to about talk – Oh, baby, it’s not easy. And Ican’t lieand say ifit maybegets easier. Cause who – Ijust—. baby. You just have to that. believe well, that was one of hardest the things Ieverhad But to see. she’s at now, peace eyes out she when went. And you seeing and Evan and at everyone that funeral, by But blood. that’s just how she was, Nitsa. She woman. was agood my Icried yours. Hell, she was like asecond mother to me and too we’re not evenbound woman. And she had nothing but love for you and Evan and babies those of listen– Eleni to me. Your maImean was best. the really, just an incredible – Iknow, but—that’s not what Imean. even know. Ofcourse she’s with you. – She’s always gonna with you, be Nitsa. Thea lovedEvi youso much, you don’t it to you, but Ijust woke up feeling like she was with me. – Fanoula, Iknow how it sounds. But Iwas—I look, don’t know how to explain – Nitsa, listen. – Idon’t know how, continued, Eleni but—. as she crossed herself. Fanny was quiet over phone. the could Eleni hear chain the jingle across line the was my mother. strange even saying it to you now Fanoula but—. it I think was her. it I think – No, it didn’t feel like him at He all. me never like kissed that. I—I feel so – You sure you weren’t dreaming about him. | /// 63 /// Can you believe it, a Mrs. Smith brand pie pie brand Smith Mrs. a believe it, you Can – I like it better the way you tell it. tell you the way better it – I like woman cooking. God that bless mother’s my remember all you of First – Well. meal a decent up whip couldn’t she but done everything have and hands her in both the were good fathers our a thing It’s Evi. Thea like Not life. her save to ma, my been starve. to But like have otherwise business I think we’d restaurant thosea summers one deal.a And for out eyes her had Always slick. was she barbecue. for And a little us made Daddy down, come had Evan and when you everyand icecream with - the oven, out hot a pecan pie out brings dessert, Ma face when your of picture godhad a to I I wish Nitsa thing, allAnd the fixins. never probably Course you heaven. tasted you’d like was It pie. that into bit you sweetbread, busy baking y’all too Evi was Thea life. your in before pecan had pie She so made well. she baklava, sweets those galaktobouriko—all good Greek thing the tastiest about was pecan pie that But rotten. spoiled y’all absolutely to up back gone had y’all after is all And I remember life. in your ever had you a call, Eleni said mou, mother what my gave she mother your year that Comona kind been you sweets giving my They babies? me want to make them this pie, some the at Americaniko there thing. right Where you get you recipe? sitting I was And then she Cause up. herself crack absolutely just ma my watching table kitchen I says she ma, your tell to says you where I got it, koukla mou, that’s a Mrs. - Smi thopoulous pie from the supermarket. from the Piggly-Wiggly down the road. And it was frozen, too! Ma didn’t have have didn’t too! Ma frozen, was it And the road. down the Piggly-Wiggly from burn surprised didn’t she I’m be told, Truth in the oven. it pop but do nothing to Nitsa. years, for that about laughed they and Oh, laughed it. herself. despite too, now Eleni laughing was by I day goes not a it’s And were. They really mothers. our angels, were – They whatcha Ma, Hey say and voice her hear and up mine ring just I could wish don’t it, change doesn’t that But her. tell I still things wanna So many tonight. cookin’ is. it what is It Nitsa. – I know. I And that. know you Like a sister, Nitsa. you, I love cause it saying only – I’m all. Try that’s baby, dream, a was it is saying AllI’m a dream. had you doubt don’t Guess in years. mother own my about dreamed I haven’t it. about beto happy loose sleep. than some me there do up to things better got she right. – You’re so you hear to I hate me. hear you Nitsa, a little perk up just you Now it. – I know They alright. tomorrow, check that call about me all you And the time. gloomy it. know you and be all wrote she call to me em, that’d want don’t to light promised Fanny and goodbyes had their said Afterwards, when two the /// 64 /// | The woman stopped like she’d heardEleni’s thoughts ear. in her She turned time—. this all boardthe she down. live Does gut inthe of that Has ruin. living she there been there, across way, the inthat busted old duplex, alone. Is she one the tore who there, thought Eleni as she watched her amble to closer house. she the live Does that somewhere had seen Eleni walk before. Now what’s that old woman doing like she meant there, to be searching was infact for something inparticular; wool,in faded shuffling Something inwalk. herthe up step was purposeful, grass. It was too bent over, turned inprofile,the shape of an old woman draped wind,in the but it was thicker than that—a pink shape billowing against the Yvonne’s old lot at corner. the At first bendingit lookedthe like streetsign lower had caught her eye. There wasdark a shape acrossthe intersection, in Miss She tostarted check back on mailbox the again but something across way the But now what is it. Just Just is this, all. this. house. Times were differentbackthen, weren’tthingsalways happening.they; of for ribs Mother cause remembered they owned Dad back when smoke the - inagesthem either. They werealways throwing barbecues, bringing over plates Johnsons the family; was it, or Jamesons, the Ican’t remember, haven’t seen though, before it itself peels off thelawn. on people,they were thatStill, good sloping rooves and steeple. high If only they’d dosomething about that siding Always house little the liked across villa-style German street the too, with its out that door in years, no, have I haven’t they; that a soul seen way in years. way, sconces with metal the by door. the The little iron gate. But nobody’s come our besides own. arethem Ialways full evenstill didlike that blue one down the ghostlythe little houses drop into offcul-de-sac the the weeds. How many of even, right down to property the lines where Park into runs highway the and all they’re standing, still any all of on these block. wholethe This neighborhood old houses,these really. They were made for anothertime entirely. It’s a wonder front didn’t door still which quite shut way. the all But what can from you expect instantly how thinking Evan oughta get itsometimesame fixedsoon; withthe against weather. the Oh, that light’s gone out again too, she noticed, ashamed of but sunthe had all bleached it dry, down olive to apale straining to keep its tint green—a richroyal green that would make you of think forests rain. inthe Now and rain. little Our olive house, she really it quite was to thinking, be had used how dark varnish the on front the wasthatthese afteryears. door still All all sun dipthe of or wood, the cut the of faux-Doric the columns by steps, the or even she’da while really noticed house the from outside. the She’d nearly forgotten her cup. There the swing,on in shade porch,the of theit was first time in I never smoking, started she thought to herself as steam the coiled up from chai, shewhich tookswing to on wooden the verandah. the It’s miracle a small a candle for at both them church next week, brewed Eleni herself another pot of | /// 65 /// around completely to face her, a pink smudge across the way, palms open and and palms open the way, across smudge a pink her, face to completely around Eleni the wool. of knees, slap a thick her the making wind at outstretched her theyheld That her. on they knew were that she see eyes but her couldn’t or driving a single walking soul block—not on nobodythe else was There there. the for but quiet was neighborhood the whole And their porch. on sitting or the call the than of worse was unseen. It dogs somewhere of a pack of barking a of the hungry yapping desperate, more crysomething lonely a but loon—not knelt the sun and looking Elenikept once. at hollering creatures of host whole to settle lake the off come dirty vapor of weight low a cloud, thick behinda down sloshing anxiety, the old with rattled forearms Eleni’s this veryat crossroads. to Tried hands. in her tight gripped the mug She the porch. onto chai cold her hardly she and up swelled wind then a big But body. her to back herself bring on the shatter it heard she until fingers her of out the mug ripped had it noticed mug. shattered At the empty. hands, her at looked She feet. her at floorboards it drained as and boards, splintered the through down was seeping chai The lo- plastic a little was It pieces. the ceramic among shape a familiar saw she away tree. in the willow been for looking he’d the treasure toys, Jr.’s of comotive—one the felt up, it picked She their birthday. for them once, for it brought Josiah’d the out up coming smoke the wheels, white blue The hands. in her it of weight the to back looked She no—. not—there’s that’s Eleni thought, how, But spout. so that together, back hands her brought slowly woman the old and lot vacant to back her turned She the wool. faded pink underneath visible face was her only the inside from light bright all with of kinds awash came lot the vacant Eleni and a roaring chandeliers, gleaming from shot have might that house—lights gutted else or mounted never fixtures floodlights from the entryway, by hearth, torches Eleni thought, you, it Is condemnation. the in property’s ago years down torn you—. really really, it Is it. by meant she what knowing not down It to crawl seemed house. of the top on suddenly right dropped cloud The so all thick in a mist thethe house glaring up wrapping the sky, out straight Jr.’s clutched Eleni on barking. kept dogs The folds. in its scrambled were lights where the house, through straight ran and around turned palm in her and toy knew. she before, it locked had She hinges. its on open hung door the basement the at stood frozen just down, step couldn’t she but forward stepped she And a came the basement From the wind. against while creaked the house landing let wouldn’t it And stone. earth cold and damp of the smell moss, of wave heavy pass. her spilled the dark, out stairs the basement up shot Kitchen the shadows, From hallway the down and stairs up the bolted cat legs. The betweenherself Eleni’s the scanning noseto her window, the pressed she finally where study, Evan’s into truck a rattling sky, was outside allsaw she them. But of the rest for wait in yard cloud. of a thin patch through down coming thesun the crossroad, through /// 66 /// | feel the way Ifeel house— Walkin’ ruined the inMemphis butdoIreally rumbles away truck & the with its clutch of apple—the It’s aMan’s World. The clouds wholethe drink up sky on an armchair somewhere inher Cher whiteblue slip with snake the feet tenfeetalbum offofBeale.The cover & overexposed blue Then I’mwalkin’ inMemphis walkin’ withmy down block the spills out rendition aCher into street— the keeps to itself. Awindow left open towards mountains the where some other house light blue &draped inpunctured clangs tarp away beeping inafresh waste metal old bin the bin while house’sthe gutting. One truck man disposal directs the of stratus sheetgrey gathers to witness vacantthe duplex. Alow family with pulling buckets of greystone from bowels the of heavy overalls intheir dusty gloves hardhats slick The men had comefromback their lunches | /// 67 /// .VI. Evan was the one to find her, asleep on her arms at the kitchen table, when they’d when they’d table, at kitchen the arms her on asleep her, find to the one was Evan the twins. the with lake from returned awake. sister his shaking asked, Evan alright, – El, you Eleni cried. done, it – Is a bad had dream. must’ve you us, just it’s sleepyhead, up – Wake her through fingers his so drew he and face sister’s his in the fear tell could Evan knew he but thought, he tired, is She ear. behind her the strands sweeping bangs, it knowing worried, he again, states her of in one She’s else. something was there them. to back come time to some take her would no ideahad I on but laundrythe waiting I was stiff. scared I was Evan, – Oh, did I—. ok, the twins are now, it is late How come. when you’d lovely had a We hair. her out still smoothing said, Evan Ellie, fine, – Everything’s we. didn’t together, the park at day Eleni hands; other’s their in each palms forward together, stepped Jr. and Effie she hand in his something had Jr. in all seen years. never her had that them like to for permission asking Effie a look at cut He her. give to wanted he tell could so he course of him said look at back in her something and it give to be the one hand. his out stretched it. like you’d thought We said. Jr. the water, by it found – We min- some of stone little smooth a accepted palm and own her out Eleniheld very and size, its from imagined she than heavier was It place. couldn’t eral she the She middle. across longways itself streaked rainbow of a thin vein but dark, could She you. tell to them thank how or it to do with idea the first what hadn’t the rushes scanning the water trudging along see them in their overcoats thick for special back bring just to something for looking and their games playing or want did she tell couldn’t she so chest in her heavy dropped that thought her—a them both. Evan smiled at just she Instead the room. cryto around dance or wouldn’t she knowing the twins, silence for sister’s his smooth to in chimed say. to what know Jr. right that isn’t the lake, by the ducks feeding while were we it – Found /// 68 /// | motive inhis mother’s hand. She was gripping it tight against rock. the Jr. stepped forward, letgo of Effie’s hand. He had loco- finally the noticed plastic I can’t only the be one, Mother. Ican’t. Iwon’t. I had to hideyou; and forget I’ll about all it, that’s what. No, Ican’t at look them. photothis any longer. hide it I’ll away in a drawer somewhere; hide it away like not fair. It’s not fair at you making me all, see again like No, this. Ican’t at look only the and be one I’ll left knowto you andcan’t I the be only one, Mother. It’s tersstop will checking in. Fanny won’t answer my old and be And I’ll alone calls. forget one day. Even stopwill Thea listening to youwhen youvisit. The - Daugh And Ican’t only the be one to remember you, Mother. Ican’t. Even Evan will one the be who’sI’ll got you to see and inthem remember you. I’m only the one. shotit’ll be all one day. But I’m one the who’ll have it. towhole Their see lives you’ve done for disappear never even know will them and it. they’ll That love, you were with than them you everwere with us. One day, Mother, things the all your faceand how kind you were to how them, much more careful and gentle one day I’m when old and Thea’s to turned dustthey’re going to forget all about you, Mother.even never remember They’ll your face. will but they You think your fingerprints Couldn’ton it. you never just even know leave this. me They’ll too.in them Not inmy children. Can’t you just leave one thing for me without inmylook little boy. No, it’s not right. Ishouldn’t have you to see like not this, private, something you kept to yourself. But there it is, right there. Thatsame around,carried Mother, like rest the of us just weren’t inon joke. the Something it’s not at them Right all. there, inJr.’s look—that same secretive you look always But something’s not right there. Something about it isn’t thought, Eleni them, guess what it was. lips caught somewhere wanting between to tell asecretand waiting for you to Jr. was looking his cocked wide-eyed, towards head his sister, line of thin the his opened, tiny through, peeking teeth her jacket zipped up her to her chin. Beside softened by cloud. Effie was doing thatsmile shelittle had,with her half mouth she them couldBehind make out twisted the trees at lip the of lake, the sun the There werebabies her right there, side stood by side, looking into Evan’scamera. her brother.seen She took photo the from his fingers. shea warm gleam hadn’t noticed before and she was grateful that eyeshad those to wear,ka her used dad camera the slung across his chest, Josiah’s eyestook on threshold and suddenly she felt guilty about that. Draped long inthe green par had hardlyEleni noticed himleaning there others the behind kitchen inthe a Polaroid inhis hand. shot– Got agood of by emboth Josiah banks, the said, stepping forward with – Fat ducks, Jr. said, got which out arise oftoo. Effie - | /// 69 /// – Ma, where’d you. . .the treasure. You found it. found You . .the treasure. you. where’d – Ma, toy. him the offer didn’t She eyes. mother’s her eyes, son’s Eleni her met Ma. it, find did you – Where room. – Go your to the tree. out take it Did you take it. – Or did you a peep. hear wanna I don’t room. your to go – I said stoodquiet twins The the windows. passed over cloud A them spoke. of None they’ll I know be the Polaroid. at down Eleni stare watched only the boys and there’s But understand. they Eleni thinking, was won’t hurt, them. all I know of myself this to explain no way is There I feel. them this that thing give to way no thing one Not right. is it of None bear it. I won’t bear it. can’t I simply But time. alright. it’s about room. your to go babies, my me, heard – You Ma. – But me. heard – You wrong. – El, what’s don’t. – Evan, – Ma. room. – Go your to – – – – be. Please, me leave please just room, Go your to me. hear you of – Did none go room, your to go room, Go your to you. all of rooms, your to go please just your—. to window. the kitchen into crashed loon The /// 70 /// | | /// 71 /// C H O R U S C H O R Maybe now you see. Death it goes back a long way. And these Greeks they had these And Greeks way. a long goes back see. it Death you now Maybe the time years, of top on years of a stacking just More’n it. ideas about plenty also place. a it’s Death But did. us among Certainly nobody escape. none can’t be stories the should Hades, in House lonesome That also a house. it’s Death a little. least see at it, you now believed. Maybe just We anyhow. us to matter it What’s it doesn’t. and then on The time passes the tile. sockets in the Others to the kitchen to Some corners. our into back dip measure We sun. the shadows, in the cat the with there are We hall. in the fixtures heart. And in the woodfolk cuckoo clock’s the little visit doors, of the slamming em too. round their books gather we round gather when the children sometimes men, gods, monsters, heroes, about stories—tales his out read the boy to Listen in Hades House lonesome sea, the wine-dark that mountains, the shimmering the pools drink to from alone, together, death to down come the men and again, death of in the waters there down a goddess It’s forget. the pools of remember, of the ages all across And the men Memory. mother, Muses’ record—the keeping the one living only of account on they as bound are alive, the stories keeping call to had even you every goddess call that Why, to time. on they got lifetime, made us among most And a story. just a story’s Anyhow this one. for us upon that. with piece our no we places a couple it’s Only wander. to but help can’t us among some Still, know to got in between us these walls. just was We it Before, tread. longer it’s now Only together. hummed these wooden these beams, electric We lights. very that mean we And changed. are the vibrations us, with in here one another the through moves She of way. kind a different humming is house clear—the See em caked on memory her behind her. of smudges leaves wallssame and And blue. and off in white flaking crusted paint, like pipes water and fuseboxes take so much. only can a house Only harm. no mean don’t she malicious, ain’t it And we can. yes it, inside dip we can But will. you if so deep, quite not This pool’s us. with you bring well as might we Reckon here. right past, her to go can we back. it make time we come See happens what /// 72 /// | K A I R O S /// 74 /// | figs bushels, loaves of bread, anything somethemto net coins to bring home. Suzuki vanettes. Merchants’ sons buzzing remaining the between houses with cobblestonethese buzz with will Yamaha alleys motorbikes, Kawasaki scooters, rootswhose have painted been white to fend offthe insects. In fifty years’ time, wide. In fields, the donkeys andcats theirfrom shadesteal squatthe olivetrees, anise sprout up high out stalks thin their dust, the spreading white their crowns choketeria shaded the patios inclouds of yellow and purple, and offroad,the phone and poles, apart Alyssum thickhedges peel hills. of the and scrub wis- is heavy the fragrance ofBut flowers. everywhere Rosebushes crowdthe tele- ways, forgotten. to be in, rooms never in human caked life. The buildings are waiting,all their in own and discontinue, then begin will ects Concrete unfunded. hollows never filled weightder the of some crawling root. In years the to come, construction proj- move,will dieout, forget, leave entire behind lots of cinderblock collapsed un- neath some of houses, sit the and open will and they empty of people. Families shingles. In years the to come, push vines will way their wild up from under perch beneath missing pieces of and glass, walkways the are strewn with loose fences,rusted gates wooden their sunbleached and splintered. Windowboxes crawled to back into settle Brick enclosures earth. the sit crumbling behind plaster, assembling themselves from same wherethen hillsides those they out long of earth the ago, having own their out collected walls of brick, stone, old. gather They there like livingthings,fromtired havingthemselves strung up ropedgles together with telephone wire. The evenhouses,thelarge ones, are sharp pines. The frayhouses outfrom perimeter,its stone walls and clay shin- day slide into At sea. the hilltop, the old the crouches castle greystone, behind Thevillage tighthuddles itself againstthe slope the hillside, of asif it might one water.the coughssea The up its weeds ontothe rocks. aretoo at rest, wings folded on cobbles, the watching light the come inacross oars and netting—the name ΕΙΡΗΝΗ streaked inblue across its hull. The gulls drifting off towards a row of buoys, weighed down with empty jugs, chipped withdrawn, heavy spirals of frayed rope draped across decks. Alone the dinghy whiteed and blue, sloshing against littlesails their The docks. wooden are all Down harbor, inthe fishing the boats creak againstthewind, all paintthem of - Sunday morning on island the 1940,and streets the of are all Lesbos, empty. bells The areringing out acrossthevillage. - | /// 75 /// - * * * In the center of the village, the bells keep ringing. Agia Barbara draws itself itself draws Barbara thethe bells Agia village, ringing. keep of the center In The the courtyard. columns, the marble onto open wooden doors massive up, headscarves,frocks and in the men’s the women in black, dressed come elderly is still the church but open are the windows All of down. shirtsleeves rolled Mar basins. gold and wooden stands candlesmoke, with inside cluttered dark, the frescoed all come walls, above the saints riseturquoise high and arches ble woman A fetishes. and halos flecked their gold with oil in wood and together Agiawhere Barbara, of altar tothe sideover shuffles the dish, into a coin drops woman The pillars. golden between enthroned sits full-sizeda effigy saint ofthe tin pocket embossed a small her the with of tamata—a thin piece from pulls a pedestal In beside the icon. around ribbon with ties it a heart—and of image in wrapped is enshrined, finger the pedestal, Barbara’s Agia a glass bell atop jar quietly herself crosses woman The dome. smaller golden another beneath cloth thecongregation. rejoins She the jar. the icon, kiss to moves and in prayer something. hollering vans, in their motorized by rattle soldiers Outside, andthethe after body of meal day, the First hot. and sun high the Afternoon, The soldiers unfurl their tablecloths. the tavernas the harbor, by blood. Down - Some seagullsand salt in the air. words, Italian German words, hungry. are - some that way a ball The kicking same beside children a fence. are there where watching. nobody is even though the harvest netting into drops olive an where villagers The the trees. from detaching shadows like the hills, move people In holds call these them women gypsies of One too close. sneer if they come and - some a little a time willwillwhen somebody have come There hand. her out spare. to thing the into up harbor the from away leading square main offthe road is a There huddle of a smallalleystogether strings network a and hills.is there, The school Or maybe the enclosure. a stone with house these a blue is of One buildings. of its up puffing the weather, by made illusion an is the blue and white, is house blue. splintered is a too, on windows, The the trim ocean bruise in the sunshine. sun, willto the exposure enough with which, color mesh some are The curtains also. blue bleach eventually in his there sits man old an and shaded, the garden keeps tree lemon A single to the gate pass the street walking men down other Two smoking. woodenchair, doesn’t Evangelis but Evangelis Yiassou them calls of out one and the enclosure of in the corner girls young two the house, Inside smoking. keeps just he answer, /// 76 /// | the jewelsthe encrusted into his crown, his face is colored, rust severe.the Behind of Archangel the Michael. Against silver embossed the of his armor, his wings, impressive the glass, the nailsthe driven thick. Behind soles the indeep; head of three other pairs, made—the leather each newly tight, stained dark brown; mous ground, the icon kisses inglass, encased places slippers the arow beside with afresh pair of leather slippers inher hands. She kneels before enor the prayers to Taxiarchis. the Amother crosses herself and approaches altar the courtyard. There are only a left few thepilgrims inside church, come to offer Far to north, at the monastery the at Mantamados, monks the are sweeping the going some to lose money ifyou don’t. hands aftergiving one. Keep your shoes outside forthethree days.next You it Don’t depends. wash your hair after receiving acompliment.Don’t wash your The news. dog bad youknow it’s The sign. snake never a good it’s ok. The bird and read each other’s coffee mud.visitor, A a change in weather, asmall piece of With gone men the all together women the stealamoment to draw curtains the telephone the between wires. there is abright moon blue inthe sky, watching intersection the from space the now, there on is no card drink the table. No saint wandering roads. the But might said that be she comes men the only because want for her to come. Right heat, and sometimes she comes of because ouzo over ice. sometimes Still it her fourbetween fingers.Sometimes good she comesbecause of fastingthe in as aman,disguised sometimes she is Agia Barbara herself, clutching thunder have claimed asaint to see around walking at dusk. Sometimes she is an angel sidesofboth bend. At the intersection, small this many of old the men might street,the phonelines the make ablack against triangle blue the sky, connecting Early evening, and heat the is settling back down into At dirt. the end the of They are going to dig graveit a behindthe house. anotherGet Sophia, spoon says older the sister. Evi where are you going, says younger the sister. breathing fast. so The older sister stands up,back the to walks the of house. to it feed older water sister try from After aspoon. a minutes,few the bird stops fast and its eye was moving over. all The youngersaysgirl nothing, watches her against window. the When went they outside to pick it up it was breathing very of is them holding abird, wrapped up incloth. Moments before, it had flown shinbones.their brownDusty shoes, Slender socks. faces and brown curls. One a room. They areeach them of samethewearing simple dress, buttoned down to * * - | /// 77 /// - * * , he is telling his son. A son. his telling is , he Saint a living It’s body for Archangel Michalis, the it seeped into the sand and stained the courtyard. And that monk who survived survived who monk that And courtyard. the stained and sand the into seeped it coal tinted. Three thousand years ago, the gods walked there in animal shapes. shapes. animal in gods walked the there ago, years thousand Three coaltinted. In monument. national will theprotected a land become now, from years Forty still is collecting it light. this moment, - Back all in the village, the shut thunder. like looking and down way it’s on Sun - court little in her A woman the houses. out let the heat to up back opening ters doesn’t either and good rug. old, is one her She from the dust out beating yard fwoo Just the alley herself. down by girl patter see to a little not see pretends or the rug. out coming clouds the dust fwoo fwoo house the behind out found she coin copper the fist, closed in her tight it has Evi the brick, the cobblestones, across breeze a little herself makes she And day. one the around then a left house, the Pappas to shot a straight It’s roads. the dusty to witness God’s vision went down and collected the blood-soaked sand the blood-soaked vision and down went made and of collected God’s to witness it a kind of clay, and from this mixture he crafted the icon of the Archangel. Made him for a body here on earth, him for to walk around inside. He will protect us, the this. from even son, his promises father pouring is the sun Eresos, of north just the island, of point the westernmost At col- clay out in rich rolled earth is The there Forest. the Petrified on light last its - stone now the trees, But those plains. across scrub crawls any Hardly soil. ored the most of the pillars than older in columns up themselves draw hardened, - venera of or two a thing ancients the taught have They might temples. ancient their white, bleached their exteriors the shoreline, along sprawled lay Some tion. become. they the minerals with have yellow and blue and pink pulsing rings char amber, of deep in fists skyward reaching the soil deep, Others still clutch commander, the commander, warrior mother of giving she’s God.him fresh slippers You because monks the ask can You out. them wears he shoes his And sometimes. around walks he does. thing she a holy It’s old pairs. out the throw never you, they to show story— father’s to his listening and at the altar mother his is watching The son the loot to came the beach and on landed pirates of squadron a ago long how the every blood spilled of and theymonastery; they monk the throats cut how to up the to escape managed novice, young a monk, one only how find; could at that how, and house; holy His of protection to Godfor prayed he how rafters; raised and the sands above appeared himself Michael the Archangel moment, fled and their loot dropped all the pirates and the sky against sword golden his his telling is , the father monks blood of those The return. to never the ship, to back son, - shoul his between a firmhand forward, son his ushers a father mother praying ders. /// 78 /// | home as fast as she can. around her, astar of little shadow girls stretched out across dust. the She runs she’s it, hiding beside looking for men on main the road. It splashes her shadow candle, door, the closes leaves well the alone. The streetlight comes while on Evi icon, the kisses eyes.Remember the us,that’s she asks. all She snuffsthe room flickering, watching, still. of silver tamata with open eyesare embossed surface. The fixedevery entireto tray But in her palm. always are they unmistakable. In tiny the room, clusters was eventually and insome beheaded so depictions her eyeson carries asilver her hair and was not licked. Tender of wounds, ancient this witch of She God. could not burned by be tar the and oil. She was abovewho strung fires the by Healer of blind, the restorer of sight, physician of light Agia Paraskevi. She who unblinking. Untouched by seasons. This the is how knew shetrue. was they comethere eyes. They still to see—the outtheir the of own wood golden brown, threatens to shatter eggshell-like at touch. the The part onlysaint’s the of body a swath of maroon faded inone corner. Therepatch is a of bluepaint so faint it chipped off in fragments.huge Occasional specks of gold aroundborders,the returnedthey block with. of Asmall weather-eaten wood, and The scuffed. oil men to go down and bring back what found they there. And it wasicon this hergoes cousin Paraskevi Grammatis saw well, avision told from the dry the it gold. But center inthe there she is—the icon of Agia Paraskevi herself. Story usual altar, usualicons. the The Mother,the Child, the Archangels both. None of ofbasin sand and lights big the candle. Drops her coin bowl. inthe Therethe is noise. Inside, are walls the yellow with smoke. She findsthe matchbook the by a window, aroof. careful she She when opens is very door the not to make any The housetiny is a church now,everthe since family died. One single roomwith You Mama she gave you You thatname. gottokeepitgood. her, but that was long ago. to Agia Paraskevi herself, asked her for gifts of Theohealing. Evangelis knew said. Shethey saw avision of her namesake well, inthe said. Said they she spoke long-dead mother. And she lived in that house before. She was a holy woman, would only hear about. Paraskevi was her name, that long-dead cousin of her mother’s sideaccording to Theo Evangelis.Some cousin,some mother she Across street the there it was—the old Grammatis house. Some cousin on her back of main the road without much making so as ashadow. business. The streetlight hadn’t come across the on so scurried shebroadyet, alonemen agirl might who streets inthe see at night and to make think it their main road is empty—no soldiers shaky in their vans or of friends her uncle’s. No es. From there it’s just a matter of by hiding scrub in the archway the until the corner by old the Birakis place on corner, the now but all sliding into grass the - That’s where you name come from, he toldcome her once. name you whereThat’s | /// 79 /// * Full moon, deep dark. Back at the blue house, the sisters are quiet on their cot their cot on quiet are the sisters house, theblue Back at deep dark. moon, Full in hay of a pile them from in, watching crept has cats of A family in the shed. so has and food the soldiers to presenting thein kitchen is Evangelis thecorner. a has that way in that quiet is Sophia But return. or departure Evi’s noticed not attached. target her. told when said Evi Sophia believe you, I don’t the on turned She me. heard She there. her I felt back, said Evi her, was it But behind me. light had Evi the finish sentence. couldn’t but say, started to have—Sophia could You her. at looked only stones. like around their words throw the soldiers they hear the can house From cleaned, the all dishes until the food in the eaten, house is will remain Evangelis hear to thing the only Eventually, whisky. and their blankets given the soldiers then, Until itself. into settling the house running the faucet, will be Evangelis the from down dangling the chord at up looking the cot on together they lay - get were noises the night Outside, all summer. dead now lightbulb its ceiling, Far the shed. against swooshing bushes in the trees, bugs of Creak bigger. ting - split propellers, its with sky the night a metal beast across cuts overhead, away, sound. of sheets into the air ting in the dark. sister her to says Evi us, It’s an them to of one for marriage a will arrange Evangelis years, ten the next In the across the girls of photos will sending he do this by businessman; American one; the instructions—pick jacket, cousin’s a younger pocket of sea in the breast of the right, on will choose the photo Cecil man, the American Warren, and too; will the girls all pack come their one thelet other will to he agree but Evi, Cecil write; to promise York, New to a ship board crate, a single into belongings is finalized he them marriage will the drive after will meet them, and to be there will die Evangelis East Tennessee; of in the mountains home his to down back the will the soldiers leave over is when the war will unmarked; go grave his and this At known. is that of none thismoment, at But collapse. eventual its to house home, beside in the shed their uncle’s a cot on sisters two simply is it moment, the night. to listening orange Warm own. its on to glow begins dead the lightbulb time, some After the electric says I will theremember, light. says seeI shed. you, thein eye dark already has Sophia But you. I told sister, her to says Look, Evi you. It’s hum. fallen asleep. /// 80 /// | M N E M Ó S Y N O N /// 82 /// | measured children their against blue the wallpaper. hung potted ferns by windowsill the lit candles foyer inthe of heart house.the dead the Years ago that family bonesjointsthethe the The sinew men collect streetin the another rectangular waiting belly metal filled. to be mist &light ceiling abranch stealing through exposed the or two & wires lights insulation screws bricks plaster drywall of gutted the house— workers with iron their rods scraping & exhaust. They are pulling still outthe innards hollows beeping metal electric achorusmetal of metal scrape the of busted clangingeverywhere metal pavement the oneIdle the bulb down winking mist good inthe alleys trucks the & graying time this out buildingspeopletrees. space between the Another month weather &the is back. This weather | /// 83 /// - .I. vice. After three rings unanswered she decided to call up her cousin. decidedher cousin. to she up call unanswered rings three After vice. cryingfor priest a man’s The pitiful. just really it’s Fanoula, pitiful, it’s —I mean when the phone up the very call do is Or pick back. could loud, me he least out been in a while. haven’t we cause just still the church, partI call. I not of Am Association Daughters’ the knows God hip. her Thea, about about They all know I think sometimes I swear, those women. calling. Vultures, callingkeeps and spread it to so theyto kick Thea can be first the for around waiting just they’re Thea me was asking other day, Theodora the heard have should You around. it her time soon. to I said any membership Daughters her renewing on planning mem- renewing that on doesplan thinkshe I don’t Theodora, what know you to calling. I bother got you number less one all is after so I guess this bership about just bet I jaw her do. I really Godto wish seen Fanoula, coulda I face, her hell. hit the line. across laugh but help couldn’t Fanny talk that. like agapi’m, don’t now, on —Come the She’s especially. Theodora that But true! women. These it’s know —You in Easton there all down the same they’re sure I’m one. that the south, of mouth in Bristol. up theyas are Week, Holy is It Especially talk that. now. like shouldn’t you But maybe. —Well, no less. all. GoodFriday, after me. remind —Don’t —It’s a crying shame, Fanoula, that’s what it is. is. it what that’s Fanoula, a crying shame, —It’s the under from out bowls mixing pulling thein kitchen, Elenicrouched was was It shoulder. and between cheek her pinched receiver the telephone counter, keeptried Evan to anyhow. sleep couldn’t she but o’clock, 8 after still, just early they never but school earlier, for them dressed while quiet the getting twins laid Eleni just had too easy. them laugh made him, he still around hold could at off drift back might she thing, pretending the whole to listened and there to listened and brighter getting the light watched Really just she point. some matter. didn’t it But buses. their separate each to the house, theirboots leave was call. It another priest that give and early up wake to Besides, meant had she ser the morning before be awake knew he’d she 14th, and April Good Friday, /// 84 /// | —You know—. —Hmm. —I don’t know, Fanoula. Idon’t really remember well. too emall tocome sing feel good along so they to. You everwonder how come ones sad the are always prettiest the to hear. How —Those aresome of my favorite ever sing,all year.they hymns So pretty, full. so —I know. taphion. And hymns! the church like that at candles night.going. those the All boys The carrying tomorrow. midnightthe service That one’salways nice too, walking aroundthe —Well, that’s alright. It’s Sad. But Ialways aniceservice. didlike it, especially —No, Idon’t suppose we will. —I don’t suppose y’all are tonight. making it to service the —Well. —Nitsa, Ilove you, but Idon’t know what to tell you. sacramentsthe well, Idon’t she deserves, know what priest kinda he is. he thinks Once a month, Fanoula, that’s it. He can’t drive acouple hours to a sick feed lady supposed coming to be out here once amonth to givesome Thea communion. do, to come put of some mind peace back into house. this You know he was knowsand what’s God going on inmy dreams. Ijust it’s think least the he could window like that. omens, Bad you know that. Haven’t able been to awink, sleep his appointments. It’s luck, bad Fanoula, having abird break its neck on your you he did. not. Course think Now, is it much too to ask for priest the to keep that incident with loon. the Said he’d me back later call week, inthe and do —I know. It’s just—you know, he said he was gonna come bless house the after —I’m not saying it’s I’m right, all saying is cut man the apiece aslack. —I know. Warren,—Eleni you watch that tongue! It’s like that. asin,talking around for coffee hour. —Well, thank you for Sunday the school lesson Presbytera mou, are you sticking itdoes most days, what with his foot and You all. know he’s got that limp. threetimes four aweek times you know. Why, Idon’t know how father Gabriel mean it’s busiest the of time year for some- priests, the during Lent. Services —You maybethat’s everthink how come Patera the isn’t you calling back. I epi- | /// 85 /// - - , Eleni. And it’s up to you and Evan and Thea Sophia and and the Thea and Sophia Evan and you to up it’s And , Eleni. memory —What is it. is —What just—. —It’s a matter. what’s on, Come cry now. don’t baby, —Awh this year. old been woulda years ninety she know, you just, —It’s koukla. it, —I know a be to doing supposed they’re And been woulda this Sunday. birthday —Her beyears. two then it’ll cause in September, the church at her for mnemosynon Thea get should service. thing, thenice a memorial always You that’s —Well, . the koliva with you help to Sophia Fanny. do it, —I can’t Eleni. to, got —You do it. —I can’t to do, thing an important That’s ok. minute one me to listen to got —Eleni you Mnemosynon is. it important how even know Do soul. you mother’s your for means nobodyto else and you to up It’s memory. your in Evi alive Thea keep to twins - remem to the Lord , ask the Panagia ask the angels, Ask every her for day. pray done have all the good hands her things for kingdom His in mother beryour folks of prayers is left the all got we that’s you telling I’m go we once Eleni cause need gonna she’s and her for pray to needs you mother Your behind. leave we me. hear you eternal soul, her for koliva that make and up it suck to you I just But it. about me tell need to don’t you Fanoula, important, it’s —I know the service to go to tomor I want know you to—oh going I’m how know don’t row too, I really do, I know she’d want me to go but Fanny I just can’t I mean I I mean can’t I just Fanny but go to me want she’d I know do, I really too, row face there my show to I supposed am how I mean it even think about can’t just or night tomorrow or tonight church in that sit go to I supposed am how now, she’s and this Easter year falls on birthday her that especially knowing Sunday supposed it’s cause fair not it’s and sick it’s is it what that’s Fanny sick it’s not—oh for even be here won’t she and be birthday to her supposed it’s beto and Easter I and stomach my to sick just really mean I stomach my to sick just I’m Fanny it day. do that to going I’m how know don’t I just Fanoula, don’t—oh, I just don’t, just do gonna are You ok. a little breathe Just calm alright, down. baby —Alright Here’s now. on Come you. sorry stern with get to I’m me. hear you year, fine this cake this coconut up whip and up straighten gonna You’re do. gonna you’re what worry mnethe about We’ll doing. goodyou’re a thing and that’s Evi Thea for /// 86 /// | the firethe out of em. —Love you too, Nitsa. Now don’t forget beat up to eggs Really whip good. those —Nobody. Imean, nothing. Thanks Fanoula.Love you,takecare. what—Do now. Josiah can—. just—I’ll have Evan pick some up for me today from Foodland. the Maybe —Well. don’t know. —Dagummit. I don’t have or vanilla almond. Where my all gone stuff’s I just Idon’tcertain, know. Just what use you got, Nitsa. It’ll fine. be —Well, Isuppose you don’t But emboth. need Idolike almond, the gives it a —Remind me again about that cake. It’s andalmond right. vanilla extract, —What is it. —Oh wait. —We’ll see. —Alright. Ilove you. Try and not work hard. too Nitsa. It’s abig weekend at and mall the I’m to numbers. make those trying —It’s alright, like Isaid. You’re gonna just be fine. Anyway I got to let you go, like But this. thank you. —I know, you’re right. Thank you. I’msorry,so calling earlyyouso in a mess But you just got to work through it. That’s all you got to do. —Quit saying you’re sorry, Nitsa. How many to Ineed tell times you, it’s alright. —I hear you, Fanoula. I’m sorry, I—I’m Iget like this. sorry Eleni mou, doyou hear me. you—So got to just and keep on your focus making it, eyesdry you hear me. —I know—. —She always didlike that coconut cake. —I know—. forgood your mother. cause you to Can’t need focus. cake, making abad alright. You be got to make it mosynon inSeptember alright. Now you got to now, stop crying you hear me, | /// 87 /// - . Cream cheese. Coconut flakes. Her mother’s wooden mother’s Her flakes. Coconut cheese. alati. Cream thalassino —Alright, bye-bye. —Alright, —Bye-bye. - ingre of the spread stood hook, at looking its on back the receiver Eleni hung one bowls, Mixing her. of in front the table on out laid kitchenware and dients to up warming butter, of sticks the eggs. Three small for one the batter, for large from off worn all almost but gauges the red cup, measuring Glass temp. room The salt flour. bag of bakingsoda, big that Baking powder, washing. too much grinder, spoon, snapped into a crescent moon shape against Evan’s backside when backside they Evan’s against shape moon a crescent into spoon, snapped thewooden down. back spoon, up set it picked She mother. Her little. were She mountains. the off down way its making mist a rumpled was there Outside from the intersection crossed vest orange in an a man as the street down looked that not it’s Least a coffee. for headed the drug to store probably lot, the vacant still—stillshouldnt’ve those But eyes. it with red screaming thought, she loon, pinched She what. that’s bad omens, It’s the house. killed against and itself gone didn’t that But chest. her across her cross did quickly and together fingers her all. at a thing change didn’t that No, did it. anything, change get wouldn’t Mother doing. be to a good this supposed is I’m thing now, on Hold two the one cake up whip just She’d bird. a some account on shape all outta bent she’d what That’s on the porch. coffee some with down sit and that like just three tear thing the whole They can too. house that with Hell the bird. with Hell do. it eggs.the is Or first. the batter it’s See Anyway all mind. I if care. I for down on Hold matter. the doesn’t extract. Or maybe it about Evan of ahold get to Got those I put where’d Now music. a little have do—. We’ll let’s what I know now, somewhere. up there must be I think. They front up speakers, the win- through coming the light caught she the foyer into stepped she When together. bunched and the bedsheets, curtains rumpled on a lake making dow the bed. make His to thought have would he Evan before up gotten she Had was there And place. in their own boots beside stood the nightstand, together the was it the wood. But thein middle framedof right closed and hardback, his the At last. seeing it remembered she where that’s least needed, at she cabinet por family the wall of and in plastic wrapped the couches by the room, of back traits, the big black laquered cabinet. The top half was fit with glass, little golden little with fit glass, half was top The cabinet. laquered black the big traits, tried good She not china. all mother’s her kept she where the doors, on knobs wooden, carvedwere half into on the bottom doors The too long. it look at to grey big it—that left she where it was, right And there flowers. of the shape with the over from left plenty had She in the tapes. all back, old her tucked boombox & Sonny Parton, Dolly Mitchell, both. Joni CD reissues and nineties, cassettes while used play to mother her singers folk Greek old even those miserable Cher, dinner. fixing /// 88 /// | palm aroundpalm censor the and puffed to encouragetheflame and sure enough coated inwhite, looked like miniature they Turkish delights. Sophia cupped her she fingeredtwo shards small of incense to place the on charcoal. A pink resin, tomb tonight, she thought, setting a match to charcoal. the From aplastic bag onto her nightgown, smearing pink. the They supposed to putLordthe the in holy day. The charcoal clung to her fingers and shebrushed thestray flecks off as she unwrapped little the charcoal from medals brown their paper, today it’s a warm smell. But she would still light it anyway. You know, Sophia was thinking through generations of incense, and just to crack it open would release that to open over years, the through caked and resin. with soot dried It had burnt censor, shaped, egg topped with asmokestained cross. It had become difficult arranged. First thing she didwas crack open her thimiato—that once-golden by brass bed—dark-stained the wood, knobs on drawers, the her own all icons hanging around here, what would you know. She reached over to end-table the if it’s niceup there. You never lay down, Evi. You never went. You just keep marks were fresh again morning. this What would you know, Sophia thought, it nice. Sophia turned her great at to head rug the foot the of treadThe - bed. the songs.in the Must better up be there, is it nice. What you about think it, Evi, is she need.Theotokosdoes , Mother scripture, inthe of God Agni Parthene Despina of virginmother’s the many handles—Ever-Blessed, All-Holy.How many names Panayia’m—sheOch, rolled it back of inthe her throat one curse, like asmall windowthe up poofed her pink nightgown but pain the was hot too still to cool. sure enough it was that bright purple pain inher hip. Abreeze coming through early for that. all She aside covers the pulled and swung her feet to floor the and that whining saxophone, that thumpaof standup the bass. Too out. What was breaking the of to her, wood anyway, clamor the of Butmetal. Thewind she didn’t mind. theAnd construction workers outside she could tune It was music the that woke up Thea. gonna roll I’mgonnagoso ondownthe line. far I’mgonna getitoffmymind. into boombox, ahandful the of carried tapes with her back to kitchen. the I’m that.to all And Igot acake to bake. She her popped copy of Heartbreak Express her didshe remember that day. But Fanny’s got better things to dothan get back kitchenthe she would’ve Fanny called back up right and then there, just to ask Café. It sure is hard to leave you, but it’s really not my home. Had in she been Joni putting on her silver, waiting for her mean old daddy down at Mermaid the took turns blowing smoke out Fanny’s bedroom window, pretending all to be from asong.girls The had stolen asingle cigarettefrom UncleGeorge’s pack, firsttime she’dever heardthe words booze and ass,alone let comingso pretty older than her, andwith big the had never Eleni girls been before. It was the with Fanny from and her school. girlfriends Fanny high all was aclean ten years She remembered cracking to Blueone case openjewel the day down inEaston | /// 89 /// the incense came spilling up a thick cloud into the room. They gonna carrygonna They the room. into cloud a thick up spilling came the incense She Evi. him in the ground, put then they gonna and the church him around her in tight censor the clutched the and bed off fully herself up push to strained come back because gonna he and ground, input him the gonna They fingers. just can think you You Evi. the Lord, like think you You do. can he what that’s the over bed, first the censor, with the cross the sign made of She back. come on open hanging was It turret. the attic then to the door then the end-table, at the the stairwell windows down from coming light thin of sheets hinges, its think you You put. stay Evi, there, up stay gonna you If the house. of the top the hum to began Sophia throat her the of back In forever. around hang can Americaniko that thought, she trash, hillbilly that it’s downstairs But antiphons. noise all that Making there. down daughter you that’s Evi, that hear . You garbish in the groaned A pipe doorknob. the attic for this. reached Sophia like a day on me. heard You pulled shut. walls. the door She the electric whirring beater on the batter, mixing Eleni in the middle was of Dinner to Dolly from in over the tapes changed had She the bowl. high against up still picked she but the beater, through too clear it hear couldn’t . She Greece her taught had Evan beside in place the table. steps did the dance the rhythms, island an was this very It table. around here kids, right when theythis were one and simple because they the steps were Eleni loved ikariotiko, and an dance, back. bit a little forward bit of the sea, a little waves imagined the she how fluid, a certain grace Had up. growing the festivals at it used dance to always Evan a for him now saw She the boys. let alone match, could girls the other of none his through down coming sweat springy, and curls wet then, back his moment of drone the dance, that through right floated Evan unbuttoned. oxford, white feet. the his balls under of strum water like steady that and strings the lyra’s it. do oughta that she thought, There, licked She and full. big in music came electric and the the off turned She beater started to she it about think could too hard she before the whisks and of one that the tile, trying across match to swept feet Her the kitchen. around dance did it And even say. been, couldn’t it she had long How step. bob in Evan’s gentle good. did feel It it. didn’t nice, feel at kitchen the standing Thea was her. saw she before smelled the smoke She out pluming incense nightgown, pink her across smeared charcoal threshold, feet - own rush two her over tripped nearly Eleni fingers. in her the censor from down. the volume turn to ing said. , she Thea —Kalimera and egg- bowls table, atthe mess onthe fixed was She her. at look Thea didn’t the wood. onto dripping shells /// 90 /// | like Lord the on Easter Sunday just to eat cake. this —You mother gonna eat it cake. this then, She gonna come up out ground the come—Thea, on now,said I I’msorry. I told you, it’s for Ma. you some this kind celebration. think —Supposed fasting, to too, be said. Cake Thea it’s eggs. What,no Milk, good. there, both stood They not moving. Watchingeach other. —I’m sorry, turn Thea. it I’ll off. —You not supposed playing to be music today neither. —Of course, I Thea. justthought we’d have us alittle—. around. inmourning. You Everybody understand. Nobody prophets. the believing And making nobody cakes, dancing certainly ing. They puttingLordthe ground.the in he comewill thinking back. Nobody you—Do know,said,eye.the Thea Eleni in looking Today it’sday a of mourn- —I know. —They puttingLordthe the in tomb today. —I know. —Today it’s aholy day. —Of course, Thea. It’s Friday.Good —You know what day it’s today. —I—. —You know what day it’s today,said. Thea thought I’d—. —I’m ifIwoke you sorry up, I Thea. should have—Iknow it’searly. I just boombox. Thea turned around but wouldn’t still catch Eleni’s eye. She was looking the at cake. Ma’s birthday coming up and You all. know she always didlike anicecoconut —I thought I’d make us acoconut cake, said. Eleni You know, cause—well. It’s track Theglass. tapethe on changed.Some gentleglittering bouzouki.the on Thea shuffled over the window, to madea crosswith her censor in front the of —How doyou feel, said. Eleni | /// 91 /// —Thea—. you not It’s right. you teach Didn’t Eleni. you, too was easy on she mother —You She it. these Encouraging things. doing quit to got You anymore. house mother’s do to want You the Lord. but back coming Nobody know. you down, lay to got - a can Light Go church. to her. remembers He pray mother, you for something up this kitchen. clean Now down. to lay we got all time, it’s When it. That’s dle. you Or maybe Sunday. for the sweetbread make bake something, wanna You remember. don’t - the pres under one crack might tiles she like the kitchen at Elenilooking was anything. say didn’t lip, her bit She sure. gonna he brother, You asked. Thea work, with through time Evangelis —What this year. again it miss gonna not the service to take me We tonight. cense could she so foyer, the towards startedshuffling and turned her Theaback the walls, still Eleni the antiphons through could hear the house; of therest the lyra’s of swell same that the boombox, From chest. her of out creaking receded. had feet her under the waters But strings. /// 92 /// | street down below. That metal birdthesqueaking concrete street street It’s pebble inadish atindrum kindof rain coming. pulls clouds the down like scrubs. brillo street underneathstill warping the beams. Thewind it street street street snow street street dew west &south &west on turret the squeaking Top of house weathervane the creaking metal the | /// 93 /// .II. - uten all and bowls the up mixing gather to managed least Eleni at had noon By though. table the kitchen on still there the sink. All the ingredients sils into on the left that she but apple an herself clean started to eggs. She’d sugar, Vanilla, running thought, she cake, the stupid with hell To half-skinned. only too, table clenched teeth, her jaw the of backs tonguing was She the tap. from water hot does Eleni think is, unfocused. thought; she she Who eyes were her But tight. across swam both embarrassment and anger I thinking. was also—what The but workers The the lawn. at out looked just So She be it. equalin eyes measure. her from taking theirlunches house, thegutted of thecurb in front on all sat were I haven’t soon and be home the twins’ll thought, she already, bags. Noon brown I’ll I guess. to eat, They’llsomething this house. want around a thing done hardly at lawn. the out looking kept just She em fix to something. have old. the than was thicker window replace the kitchen to gotten The glass they’d everything made it - to sharp something was it but exactly, it place Elenicouldn’t And itself. to attention called too much It it. like didn’t She clean. brighter, er, The scum in sink,the smudged. and still the door back dusty on the windows that the ever since tiles,notice all of startedto cracks this she the blackened when Sometimes she breath. her under cursed She again the loon newwindow. bird again—the over by all see flash it she’d dishes the sink washing stood at Evan pieces. the glass to shocked full its weight until bigger and bigger getting was It day. that not, or still see living it was and outside go to be to had theone out. get to a week least him at took that the faded siding a blood across smear ask. didn’t she the body to and ever happened what know Eleni didn’t —Oh! tail goose making legs, her - the tile between across Eleni’s snuck had Kitchen skin. Eleni’s on bumps need you me, tell Don’t cat. stupid me outta the fire —Christ, scared Eleni said, too. me from something eyes unblinking. green those glowing up, neck her craned only Kitchen now. on come Alright, much. as —Figured and dish her door, the basement food in a pantry opposite Kitchen’s kept Evan bag the heavy Eleni hoisted in the corner. discreetly tucked water bowl of a little in ended up it of most the dry that out a way shook food in such hip, her onto the floor. /// 94 /// | She would have to get Evan down here to clean and that’s there all was to it. How clutter, not daring to touch it asingle thing eventhough smell the was all took. took to scissors. the Remember my cushion. into kept Eleni further walking the stitched up arms these herself real good—remember that and Christmas Evan er voice back shadows, in fromthe further sofa the time. this You know she splotched with fresh condensation, threatening mildew. here! Over anoth- to save us you too know, from damp, the said boxes the of records on floor, the Used clean to keep too, wood the it said, and its lopsided leg agreed. She tried She to keep horn used the dusted you know, said air the inside victrola. the by step away from washing the machine, concrete the cold against her bare feet. horn coming up offthe victrola.old do it.Out of shadows, the as ifit had only just appeared, saw Eleni tarnished the further. there Still was that voice again, something about clutter the made her feel she couldn’t pass, couldn’t go any line of past the right there infront of her. She took astep into dark, the though of boxes, furniture, looming shapes light thin inthe from upstairs, alittle sky- into rest the of basement. the The shadowswrapped all it up inavague outline thought, quiet. be She turned to go back up stairs the but stopped, looking out her ears, throw it down you sheets. chine, felt hum, the detergent. the smelled Eleni-mou, she heard avoice inside Whirlpool her mother had bought back in’84.She her placed hand on ma the - but she kept descending, her hand on rail. the And there it was, that same old noise white the behind exterior.beneath her The sighed footsteps,old wood in days. But there still waslow this hum rattling through some metal, the dull looking down at machine. laundry the She hadn’t it used lately, hadn’t aload run took astepEleni down. Then another.Before sheknew it she was thelanding, at Kitchen turned her towards head one stairwell, the paw frozen inmidair, as smell further. What, half-whispered, what Eleni doyou—. up offthe underground concrete. The mistApril only thickening earth the chill shadows basement inthe They were stairwell. thick,thedamp like cold coming in through kitchen the window and front the door somehow onlythe magnified was last I—when the Ieven wentI—when time down there. The light coming before, closed been hadn’t it, she thought, or did I forget to latch it back when latches one lock, the of cylinder those that alittle takes work to open up. It had hanging open on its hinges. She hadn’t evenheard it swing out. She looked at turned awayEleni from and pantry the nearly hit basement the door head-on, —Oh fine, stubborncat. Suit yourself.Gotbetter things to do anyhow. looked away. Kitchen and pellets the twitched nosed her ears, wouldn’t abite take until Eleni —There.Somethingfree extra, of charge. Tell you brother bring me his socks. No,his Tellme Eleni bring brother you Go ahead, yem, wind it up. Itit wind drew heryem, step ahead, Go Justyoubaby’m,to howknow up it wind | /// 95 /// ] again with the Pine-sol with ] again when the power night ] that that you made ] when she all had ] when the she everyone over was ] and delicious was ] it did She backside. his spoon on that broke ] she lady! the Avon ] and the window on cows the little ] and all those streamers ] the backyard, back out figs ] used picking to Remember when she [ whenRemember she New Year’s Eve 2001 remember that when she boiled when the she [ that 2001 remember Eve Year’s New [ new iron a brand was It All [ those boxes [ with the nice one name his was what boy Yvonne’s him [ offer always She’d the grass. doing Glen - it into leaning and rug, up the rolled oriental then, asked sneaking home about scrubbed she and mother it Your beer. all spilled that when Remember you self. to Thought up bed. gone already you’d after out stain thewhole scrubbed got it, the took just neither, nothing say didn’t she And knew. she sneaky but were you It was al- home. it made you to Once bedherself. went and fibers my out stain clock the green said the time, about how but Oh sleep. could She that. after right house in your me hang to wanted you said time you the that eaglewith talons, I am. here now and you for just down me Took down. me took she ma soyour took she how said, mask the tiger me, about walls. Or what your are where Now basement the whole now By afraid. he was brother your wallthe off cause me other in wisps, each over rolling visions their voice, after speak,began to voice echoes, half-collected light. nobody and ] needles those ] /// 96 /// | arm twitched with that old anxiety—she that recognized coin. Another old- tra bottom, her fingers found coin—a asmall dimewrapped tin up in foil. Her fore- she stuck her hand inside it anyway, feeling around gut. metal the There the at inside, what see was there. The chamber was empty as far as shesee, could but door the was unlatched still, on its own. it All took was to opendoor, the reach stairs. By shetime the reached it, green the light had gone off theand rattling Whirlpoolfootsteps. the while the was clanging All around at foot the of the foundations of house. the She herself pulled out of clutter the on cold concrete She way the was all back by crawlspace, the where bare broke earth against the ni only just managed to turn and it shaking see at other the end of basement. the The washing wholewhirring thetime machineon been Ele- and tumble had dry ] even ] though youwhen had chance the no telling where it is now. remember how ] her billfold Remember when [ Remember when That watch alwaysshe took withit her, remember [ Remember at christening the she wore [ postagepeeling withher Thatall offtrunk it came from [ Mytiline toShe teach you them tried know [ That aboutstory [ eagle the jars fromThose thevillage,pair, a one for sugar one for [ ] check your pockets ] remember where she kept it. You shoulda it taken ] her ticket over ] always on your birthday ] remember at wake the pink curtains those ] still alphabet] the books ] that roach microwave inthe ] mushrooms on pillows. those Remember slug the | /// 97 /// , that sweet loaf, her her loaf, sweet , that Vasilopita Mother Mother how come you always get the her mother she’d coin mother surrounded by flour at the kitchen table, waking that next morning to morning next waking that table, at kitchen the flour by surrounded mother the House, for one the Mother, for one the Lord, for one slices, into the loaf cut - dead, everyone hop secretly and the living the family, of each member for one year of full a whole promising slice their baked inside coin little find this to ing every and she, time used win, didn’t to always mother her somehow and luck, her ask Eleniwould my baby’m, Theou, to Doxa palms up, lip, her with motion do that shrug and just too. luck your it’s luck the dime feel could she palm thought so in her she tight the coin Eleni clutched the uncertain. At shaky, the basement of out up back begin footsteps her bend, to into look down to having closed without behind the her she door the stair of top thought, she basement, that out clean to have just Evan’ll again. those shadows it. for else nothing just There’s behind her. thelocking doorlatch bins. thein trash animal an like rustling unfamiliar an was it the kitchen In maybe something or the dime was maybe it courage, Filled strange some with these about see We’ll kitchen. the into stomped and chest her Elenielse, puffed Just thishouse. into getting trouble of piece more one Not thought. she animals, screamed. she the corner turned try she and When let em come it. the stop. at waiting were We go. you where’d —Ma, of a box out pulling the counter, under cupboard the little at crouched was Jr. spot usual her door, the back by sun of curled was puddle a in Kitchen Fruit-O’s. her on it back rested her head, lifted She supper. just before afternoon thein late paws. baby. doing, you are —What cereal. —Getting - sup You’re sister. your Where’s here. doing you are I mean—what No, —No. posed school. be to at the thing it, say wanna didn’t he like together looks, lips his of one her gave Jr. tried to the cupboard, of pulled the out cereal just he Instead knew. he that the cuckoo clock the foyer, From a bowl. for the higher shelves to up reach their of out all villagers coming times, the three springwork cooed two, one, the stump against axe his knocking the woodsman square, the town into houses The finished. was ritual Thenthe noon. after hour each for times,once three mid- children froze The the shed. their skirts, into backed clutching milkmaids, Tick behind their back doors. they too retreated and the square, around dance o’clock. three tock, dition, every New Year’s Day—the cutting of the of cutting Day—the every Year’s dition, New /// 98 /// | Eleni droppedEleni dime the onto kitchen the tile. —Can you help me reach it, Ma. It’s up. high too | /// 99 /// /// 100 /// | the shadowthe ticking across neighboring the houses like clock arms. reaching some to bundle collect of brick interrupts sunbeam the around corner the pulverizing gravel inits tracks. The crane’s arm that hum same beeping aheavy electric metal crane groaning steel clamps scaffolding. new through the All the securing air &glovesboots latching chords metal planks to wooden uniformed men with phones to ears their men inheavy The street is chokedwith men workers in vests | /// 101 /// .III. Upstairs, the twins were sat in the floor, a plate of half-eaten butter and jelly and jelly butter half-eaten of plate a in the floor, sat the were twins Upstairs, storybook— his through Gods, flipping was - Mon Jr. aside. pushed sandwiches It’d years. all the in two from cracked but was all spine . The & Heroes sters, Men knew- back the pages Jr. too. little when they were before, Ma’s and been Evan all every you tell every story, recognize could forwards, illustration, and wards were heroes The symbols. and shapes all off the Gods’ rattle names, the heroes’ all the theUnderworld, on theone was chapter favorite his but funsometimes, all how there, always but sight of out was it how guardians, and rivers strange in absorbed now was He Gods eventually. deal to it and had with the heroes Hades into down back sucked getting drawings—Euridice favorite his of one those about Something there. was she be to back sure looked because Orpheus pull- flickers black flames, smudged they like looked way The liked. he shadows always sometimes, Effie story to that tell liked to He underneath. down her ing he had And say, would Erry-Dikky’s Or-fus, he bigger. and bigger up it blowing hand right in his fingers, and hisfoot was even back up on the earth, in the grass! And they were right there, already home, thinking how live they’d in the trees and Or-fus when that’s But wanted. they babies the all have and other each to music sing made his mistake. He was looking around all like excited just gone, was and she fwoom! sudden he the all then caught and eye his Erry-Dikky’s of corner the from face could hear that. the dogs You barking to have her back, and from down somewhere smoke in up wrapped all death, of God the voice—Hades, his hear could Or-fus deep, of do one would Jr. this point saying do I it. At told I so, you told couldn’t you you like, something say and not, or listening stopped shrugs, his whether had Effie Or-fus. music for more that. that was No so said. Effie think was, she do you —Where —Huh. doing. she was what time, whole —That death. outta up him be to following s’posed was —She Ma. talking about the storybook, I’m —Not —Oh. there. she’s —Usually —Yeah. /// 102 /// | and she then just. —I mean it Effie. took Shethe treasure tried todragand me she thereunder too —Ok. —She lives under house. the —Ok. —Yeah. —That night you—. —Yeah. —Did you her. see —It’s her, Iknow it. —Jr. are you sure. the crossroads. an old lady. In little black letters under photo the it said: HECATE, an offering at And woman the had three faces,one on eachsideof her girl, head—a awoman, was draped inlong robes, two dogsat her side, holding atorch ineach hand. there on page, the a drawing she didn’t remember before. seeing The woman sketch on page, the a charcoal shadow on white the paper. There was a woman besideEffie crawled her brother, book fromtook the his lap. He pointed toa The ick-it.—Look. She’sthere. —What doyou mean that’s her. That’swho. —That’s her. —Jr., what is it. — —What is it. somethingknew was wrong. making itself known. Jr. and instantly turned page the inhis storybook Effie ing with weight the of concrete and stone. apipe Somewhere walls inthe was Thewindows creaked againstwind.timid Outside, a the cranegroan was - still —I don’t know. —I don’t know. What she usually does do. —What doyou she was think doing. | /// 103 /// —Just what, Jr. what, —Just — —Jr. away. going not —She’s But quiet. was his She to used worry hadbrother before. Effie seen this her in half-started She sentence usual. the Not different. felt now it about something just and she so out work would of them none but silence in that sentence after keeping you are What ask. to wanted she Jr., it is the book. What at down looked afraid you’re what of afraid I’m come How afraid. I’m come how And me. from It’s me. just It’s all, Jr. it keep shouldn’t You is. it what even know I don’t but of us. It’s us. flicked occasionally mood. Kitchen the much same in by slid day of that rest The the at sat just Eleni in silence. she in their room the up tail twins in theher sun, getting was She batter. half-made and eggshells the goopy among table kitchen her of front inThey dizziedthemselves sugar. of the on account fruitflies already a made she sometimes cheekbones or arms her when they on landed eyes and was Thea her in bedroom there. sat just she mostly but them off swat to move The whole the servicenight. the bed that on for clothes her later out laying on the baseboards The paint home. get to Evan for seemed, waiting was it house, hurry fix to in any wasn’t door front that peeling, keep and to going only was mailbox new and the screws, of a couple in want was staircase iron The itself. when Evan house a only was the house of So been much days. in opened hadn’t every too—worried worried was the house time way, own in it’s And it. touched back. come not might just he that leaves he on heavy carried the day He schedule. on night, that home come did Evan But No the house. called, he see Hello into to it. there nobody was though face, his He the banister. meet him at timeto her took Kitchen Even answer. no footsteps, dressed was pocket. He in his keys his jangling door, the front from her watched and there a wildmess, was hair His off. bit a all were the pieces but ever, as sharp was overcoat his Even sweater. of his shoulder the left down a runwas straight a deep took He all day. it about forgotten and aside tossed it if he’d as creased, - Josi how’s work, was questions—how the inevitable for himself steeling breath, an up beneath life his he boxed But church. takingto Thea you time are ah, what the rest see to about I have Now chest. his of deep in the pit it dropped lid, iron the kitchen. into stepped slowly he as thought, them, he of the table. towards nodding sister, his all to said this, he —What’s back. You’re too late. a beat said, she Evan, —Oh, /// 104 /// | —I’ll tell you—I’ll what my problem is, Evan. It’s whole this damn house! It’s the problem is, Eleni—. —Yes, yes Ido. And don’t You you me otherwise. ever accuse know what your —Is that right. miss her. single day. Imiss her every —Are we doing now, this you Eleni.Do really want to now. dothis Ofcourse I aire quieted its hum.whole The house leaned inwards to listen. topthe of stairs. the The doorsthemselves seemed to lean theopen, and - Frigid twins’ soft footpatter across the upstairs,wood returningsecret their to spot at Had two listening the of been them more carefully would they have heard the shetime comes up. Wasn’t she your mother too. Don’t you miss her at all. not—Do dothat to me, Evan! Talk to me like I’m crazy. Shake your every head —Jesus, Eleni. straight facewhat hell the are you making acoconut cake for. you.—Do Cause you just waltzed right into kitchen this and asked me with a —Of course Ido. know that. —No, don’t me, Eleni Evan. She ninety yearswoulda been old tomorrow, you —Eleni. —Ma’s birthday, Evan! mother! Our Tomorrow! Don’t you get it. you will —Eleni spit it out. Idon’t know what hell you’re about. talking not know. Is it—is it for easy so you to just forget about it. you—Do really not remember, Evan, she said, turning inher you seat. Do really —And what made you to decide half-make acoconut cake. —Mhm. —A coconut cake. —You know how she always didlike acoconut cake. —What was. —It was supposed for to be Mother, said. Eleni You know you can’t leave shit this out like that. doyou Eleni hear me. —Yeah, I’m back, now what’s mess. you’re this Ellie, Christ, all sitting ingnats. | /// 105 /// busted door, that awful window, all Ma’s shit just tucked away with nobody to nobody to with away tucked just shit all Ma’s window, awful that door, busted for you I been basement. after that started on me even get don’t And to. it give You No. have. think you do you and shit, all that through go me help to ages been too busy— bus Rover the goddamn on city Johnson to out ass my —I been hauling too busy I been what that’s children, feed to your money enough make to week a days five a recognize hardly couldn’t and it losing was when Ma Y’know, doing. toobusy who Efstratiou, bastard that seen tail of head or nobody’d a trailer and from tree You me. interrupt Don’t Eleni. you, help come to theirlife dropped that it was want I don’t Now, once. for me to listen and there Sit be quiet. and there sit just again do it I’d and family this my is cause back I came did. I never it. for nothing this thing about up still burnt one the only think you’re if you But to. if I have I don’t Eleni. to do, find something to got You think to again. got just then you - con I’m as Far God to I don’t. Honest do. you than more any be to here want take the ground, self to own its burnt just house be if this old better cerned it’d of go let you’ll never cause overflowing basement’s That it. with shit old all Ma’s I come and work to I go sneeze. Ma’s made might’ve what dust specka single of And Eleni. this house, of outside happens life own timemy that during and back soon I get as as stops life My life. my about me asks Who it. about me who asks want, you make all cakes to can the this. you back So I’m and then bus, that off keep to about not I am But basement. that do to you what if I care hell Eleni, and be oughta House this up. clean you I suggest And this door. at myself leaving Easter. for clean on it shut the door, at overcoat and brief his dropped Evan Back in the foyer, The made. The him. find wasn’t bed even come could Kitchen before tracks its and thought, he the basement, out clean to me wants curtains She still drawn. the corner on sat He really. not mattered, it that the bed. even make Not can’t she a slid He boots, them time aside. his unlacing kicking the bed, a long took of hear he could Now slowly. it down rolledwool sock,of his the cuff into thumb - sniff shadow her watched He the door. side of the other mewling from Kitchen’s sock, the other pulled it into a thumb the exhaled, slid tracks, under around ing on the bed. himself back He laid motion. long one in off lamp. the end-table by illuminated paint, in the ceiling cracks traced tiny Evan be- flushed was He rhythm. irregular own in its down and up heaved chest His to wanted just he mostly but off take it to wanted He sweater. the heavy neath it. think about not he could How to. had he But it. think about not and lie there it get to got she’s true. But it’s sister, his at yelling for guilty bit a little did feel He easy for it of none it’s realize to got She’s thought. he these days, of one together one only the she’s left kids with got the one she’s cause thinks She just anybody. - morn in them the to dress job else’s everyone it’s Thinks bad. feel to allowed of Which the weekends. them on with play and walk the bus them to and ings /// 106 /// | But he’s not here, Evan thought, biting his lip, sliding inup to knuckle. the This slowly, first justtipthe of one finger, up the to joint, slowlike used to Josiah do. don’t Josiah need for Thiscan this. I do just fine on myown. Evan tested himself No, Evan thought, his fingersthatparting little tuft of between his legs,I hair lathered it with warm throat spit, smell the of inhaled himself on his fingers. to what the doIwith my question. body He brought to his his face, palm one hand across his chest under sweater, the to beginning stroke with other, the show its facesometimes cause at then least it’s an answer, Evan thought, running ofAll us out here brushing up against it. for Looking it, even.Wishing it would do it anyway. And whole the his time smudge just will get darker and darker. do it who’s truck, in the to say, or maybe he’ll change his mind and made to be at afilling station and maybe he’ll go the to showers with him they’ll or maybe shift the at Foodland, catch or else eyethe someof burlytrucker thanolder me own smudge, his hues trade with ahandsome stockboy during an overnight corners and bar bathrooms and and beds open fields. truck He’ll pick up his I anyway, Evan to keep thought, himfrom it. to try He’ll find his own shaded to in his unfurl fingers, a sweaty bloom he didn’t to conceal. whoAnd try am hands, Evan thought, fumbling with clasp the of his pants. He felt himself start brush up against it some or time another. And once you dothat’s it. It’s on your get home. But have he will some version of that. Thatgrey smudge. All of us an old friend’s on cock his tongue of both wondering them his wife will when table after-hourswiththe owner’sson, or crouched outbehindwith a woodshed found me findtoo. out. him They’ll he Maybe won’t end bent up pool over a Or not mistakes maybe, no. But Iwas himtoo. This town, corners,these they bushesthe waiting for by. him to walk Me, through it. Ibeen Made my mistakes. life right infront of him,Evan thought. Awhole youth just crouching there in around hiscupping flesh, his warmthown palm. in his he’sJosiah gotwhole a it’s not eventhat, is it. Evan pushed his hand down further, his fingers closing our mother’s houses, us always telling eachother don’t it’s worry fine. But no, he’sSo gonna work forever, at grocery the of both us coming home to one of would who come.Besides What comes next. What that does life like. evenlook enough. I can’t make ahusband out of him.Not Greek inthe church anyway. to his mother. things Iought All to love. Things Ido love about him. But it’s not matter ifJosiah’s here or not. He’s good just of akid. very Asweet heart, kid, full body, Evan thought. If Josiah were here—but no, that’s not right either. What’s it you dohave and abody at least that belongs to you. But what doIwith this softnessthe of his own pubic scent,hair his collecting small remindersthat yes belt, warmth the of moving through day the seeping up from his legs, between ing under his waistband. It comfort, was a small resting his hand just below his I.Hiswill fingerstwistedthe hair around beforebelly on his instinctually slid- sweater, aren’t they my own. Are they. And maybe Iwon’t everhave my own, own. But that’s just it, Evan thought, slipping ahand absently underneath his course Idon’t mind doing it, it’s not that. Ilove Ido. them, Love like them my | /// 107 /// I can take. Me, my own body in my body. Other men’s bodies in my body. But But body. bodies in my Other men’s body. bodyin my own my Me, take. I can call I could my Nothing body. my of out comes Nothing it. of out comes nothing there self right own her of new versions brand whole two has she sister My own. thought, Evan me, look. And she’d if only them again love to her for waiting and - rap more armmoving his a third, with himself testing finger, inserting another taking them out and them toys I’ll me buying keep heaving, chest his now, idly be mine won’t he Josiah how be just mine they won’t calling but them mine and and me own my be and can thing mine the only be I’m me I can mine me but my and me cat black my house green my mountains blue my smudge grey my in this take men body be to body to a man I get I get my body and my body and all make-believe the all just that’s playing a part I’m all just it’s this body but into so set is these only the stage these walls there this house walls are are markers keep only I can and so long for own my calling keep Kitchen only can I thin and so does for it do what only can body it my so long for own calling those kids my other each rid of get never we’ll and me have it’ll smudge grey then that and long do. us like people the way sweater, wool his expected. he than All over more much was it came, he When lay He hair. his in got even it of Some out. that be scrubbing no would there fingers his sore, wrist was toes. his His unclenching consciously panting, there the towards turnedhead his He pullout. took him a It to while them back stiff. pic- plastic the off glinted lamp the little the room of the shadows In nightstand. theislands from women members, the family wall.Old along hung frames ture he felt he but sense either, him make to didn’t It him. watching know, never he’d the wall. to tight holding the nails hear could the across forth and back the moving twins hear vaguely could he Upstairs be time for would soon it that outside thefalling light knew from wood. He those nice grey slacks out pull shave, and shower to have Soon would he church. as ears behind curls his his tame to have would He button-down. a fresh and into get Soon would he tie straight. his was that sure make and best could he stairs the Thea down help the and twins dress would He character. into costume, to along sing the service. would for He Bristol to out them all drive the way and act very the narthex and by happy the church in the of back stand and the hymns you we missed would say, he Yes, away. time a long such see to everyone after you but yet, lady lucky no God No, willing, in there, and hanging We’re and too, her what’s niece, Mathoula’s met haven’t I No, and that, still timefor there’s know a very nice girl. she’s sure I’m again, name /// 108 /// | one walls—she just inthe might able be to do it. If ever any one among us could, house. The mother,thedaughter, they’re comingthanbefore.ever closer The weather reconnection this together. Up, up into turret the at height the of the Come, there’s only onethat’s place left safe. Only one place we mightbe able to Thethe waters. strings, The light come to againstbreak us. that again, old grief But shaking walls. the where are we to go, what are we to do. And are who we to deny her. she Course can’t reach her, not like And this. it’s reaching out, she’s We trying. know it. Hell, ourselves, tried we all inour time. she’sEleni not alone. Somewhere house, inthe we feel her—the other one. She’s to keep company.trying But step back, stay with us, we told you it wasn’t safe. herself on to her own mother’s and can bed who blame us for crowding. For mountains’ shoulders. barking Dogs and barking but where from. She flings flows into us—deep blue dreams of a house drifting downstream the between children’s door. Even longer at icons the on and She wall. wood the the it kisses windows,the howSee reflections the glass.the in she stands alongtime the at Sometime night, in the mother the makinggoes her rounds. We catch her from The house it keeps quiet until. knows. What it What has seen. it misses,even still. thing inan old house like ifyer this, looking hard enough, it’ll tell you what it harborThey gladly us andwillingly. But these rooms, they never forget. Any- up out by living the earth other Houses living bodies. allow us to they build em. people for it to breathe. Ahouse already it’s something made, something built without her. service the And suddenly we’re lessened. Not to say ahouse needs in ared pick-up, And em all. there to go, collect they out house, the away. Off to rest ofdo. they them, It’s boy anew come now at door the before, we never seen The mother on her elbows leaveover thethey And sink. her justthat, like the but what is else it You to see. it can yourself. see The family dressed for church. Only families nowthe we seen. it much. too seems We’d away look ifwe could, The night comes on theand family comes slow. these years this All in house. All house. Right now it’s something not right. You’re better off in here,with us. to keep you longer than But be. needs right now it’s astrange inthis energy Come. Into where walls, the it’s safe. You’re with us now, and we’ve no intention C HORUS | /// 109 /// child. The light, the light. light. the light, The child. name allAnd Eleni—your the while, the light. why shouldn’t it be her. But still the walls they rattle and O how they shake. This This they shake. O how stilland the walls they But rattle be her. it shouldn’t why hand its stretches guessed. It of could ever we bigger’n It’s griefbetween the two. Surely the way. across lot vacant that to All the way the house. out all the way watch Come rattling. us, with the windows become Come, too. it feel must you clouds Big too. the downstairs bedroom from be watching must she surely as moon that of the fire the in white And the moon. away steal to their march on comes it See how shape. its releasing Starts ruin footing. losefresh starts to its burdens the tooup long holding Shoulders first. buckling the roof slow, apart ought you stay, No, dust. grey in a raging year by the walls, year Next the sky. of Plaster imagined. of we could lifetimes in all our til Never the it end. witness to the Why, veins. finally like snapping pipes The brick. and wires bathwater, and time miles. All that the for wind on a drone own, all its a chorus metalmakes the earth the to comes the pool. to Down back gone the past down, crumbling purple deepgrieving. The barking sadness. The earth. O this thundering And back the house light—pulling a the house, the heart of at somewhere dogs. And sirens. the still settled come not it’s dust The down. /// 110 /// | N O S T O S /// 112 /// | sters, Heroes & Men, making mental lists of monsters which & scariest, the look Heroes sters, for little the girl’s birthday. Jr. is flippingMon fastthrough- pagesthe of Gods, where nice old the man lives, story in the one trinkets the those makes who all buildingsthe empty except for one shop with awarm fire in window.its That’s winding—the first picture is acity of silver steel and snow and blue lights, all her favorite about book little the with clock girl cuckoo the that never needs mother’s old bookshelf downstairs, illustrated with big bright colors. Effie has of They are bedsheets. their gathered aroundfrom their a pile of storybooks comes through turret the windows on sides,making akindof all starscape out ing knit the white and blue wool blanket Evi made to them cover up. The light across. Underneath canopy, the spread they comforters their on floor, the us- a fort. have They thetwo chairs wooden used as props to drapetheir sheets Upstairs, hexagonal inthe room at top the of turret, the Effie and Jr. makingare take laterto They mean, afteryou kidshave gone back toyour new homes. wavesthistake to back. They mean, Tell Yvonne hello, comeI’ll over for coffee later. mail. He waves at her, as he always ifhe finds does thewindow, her in and she across intersection, the her neighbor’s son to is street walking the her to collect are chilly. But she likes feeling. this Outside, at little the duplex on corner the breeze October cool let the into house. the Even inher house slippers, her toes pan, presses down them pop. as they Thekitchen window is open just enough to ofcrackle butter on stove. the She forks two slices of square-cut ham into the slices evenly, them arranging on them plate the just so. In pan the is slow the en window lavender makes apale out of her roots. After cleaningpearsthe she since shewhile last colored her hair, and light the coming inthrough kitch the - day dress. She brushes her curls away with back of the her hand. It a has been She wipesher fingers on her pink apron, dressedalready powderblue ina Sun- She is bobbing half to music the on radio, the though she doesn’t know song. the Evi finishes cleaningpears,scrapesthin thetheirskins intowithknife. the a sink from the ‘80s,‘90s,andnow! hits favorite your all Time-Warp!MorningPlaying Sunday the program, favorite at your number one hit music station. Don’t go anywhere, we’re gearing up for your A little from radiocrackles countertop— the This is Mark and Kim in the morning It is morning, and Evi Warren is standing kitchen, inthe cleaning pears. * | /// 113 /// * * not if they going to take if they not says, ham, Sophia them to be feeding have don’t You - hold another the railing, on hand one the house, into callsup , Evi Omorfou’m the climbs She tora? na fas Thes ham. butterfried sliced pears and of a plate ing the the wall, to on the icona past hallway, the long down way her makes stairs, smiles in the doorway, stops hungry? She you Baby’m, the end. at room children’s the all about strewn beds, the stripped the toys books room, and the empty at I’m a secret. shared just if as at theyceiling the have both up looks She floor. still the is hall, Sophia in asleep Across the hallway. into you, says she find gonna quietly it pulls Evi too. hinges its on open bed, cracked the door little own her light The bedroom. own her to the hallway down back way her then makes to, egg wall- blue—robin’s the curtains room the whole making through coming the wind. like creaking radiator the pale blue bedspread, the sunwashed paper, I house. of the top at the open.rumbling is A little wide turret to the door The you, find gonna I’m the stairs. mounts she as says at, Evi babies my where wonder gigglesattic back. The says. she the smell head, her above laughter of the sound to up wakes Kefalas Sophia still cross the finds the bureau, glasses her on for reaches She butter. burnt of takes day. It another Thank you, whispers, neck. for her God, she around draped almost dust in. The light let a little to the blinds, draw to up, sit time to some her - the calendar—Octo says morning, Sunday is It thein sun. seemsstartled awake tothe mirror, shuffles aside, the blankets sweeps Sophia nameday. ber 28th, Evi’s the incense. lighting the charcoal, thimiato—breaking her prepares she where the crosses then she outside, the world window, the bedroom blesses she First Laughter head. great her shakes she a mess, What room. hall the children’s to she Next smile too. but help can’t Sophia the and ceiling, through falls down sets the wall. it She on the iconostasion the hall, to down carries the censor - morn her says herself, crosses the saints, before the chest-of-drawers on down day. another for whispering is again, , she Thank you prayers. ing , Hi turret. koukla’m the from down Evi comes when prayers her finishing is She - shoul other’s on each hands cheeks, other’s They each kiss sister. her to says Evi ders. Den hand, her waves . Evi mbirazei, communion yem. I don’t have to do nothing. She on rail. the hand her Evi stairwell descends the to landing, the They laugh. which heroes look most beautiful. So far Perseus is his favorite—not beefy and favorite—not his is So Perseus beautiful. look far most which heroes of strap the for naked except softer, but the lion, wrestling Hercules like bearded like a boy That helmet. winged his under from wild out curls twisting quiver, his still look so and calm—. kill could a monster that stairs. up the coming footsteps when hear they is interrupted quiet The /// 114 /// | footsteps are rolling across wood. the Evi swats her hand away.laugh. rings, They doorbell The and upstairstwins’ the you wearing thisoldthingfor. He’s coming, Ma. Don’t worry. We got to do something about this dress too, what are Where it’s you brother, he supposed tobehere too. fine, Evijust says,working pullingstill out coffee the I’m cupsfrom thecabinet. on radio. the We got to get you a new one a these, Ma. This thing it’s older’n you are. The coffee already is the on stove, percolating. Eleni moves toreadjust the knob My handsisbigenough for allay’all, Evi says. handful. Well What trouble, Evi says, exaggerating her surprise. I hope the twinsdidn’t give you says. anytrouble , Eleni her heavy coatsleeves. that, she says, pulling her daughter’swith you help arms out of lemme baby’m, a cigarette. Evi to once, convince nods not does try himto come inside. Here kitchen table. Yiassou Mama, he says to Evi, before stepping back outside to light brown hair over falling his eyes.He pan the takes from it Eleni, sets on the mantall The comes hand. intoa the gimmebehind houseyou her,can his wavy her in kisses. on Ma, the tray’s hot now, she says as Evi clasps her hands, facewith both covers stepsEleni inside, puffing theblack strands away from her flushedcheeks. Hold Come inoutthe cold! Evi says,yem, kalos’to! openingKalos’to back door the to porch. screened-in the tray. Something sweet for table the after church. that man come strolling around back of the house. the acovered She is carrying placing gravel. the From round small the window, Sophia watches and as Eleni warm water out from old pipes. those A car pulls up outside, to curb the dis- fromfall its clasp. Undoes her pink nightgown button by button. the Coaxes In bathroom, the are tiles the the soft in morningSophia light. grey lets her hair Yousong. should getready, Evi says. They coming soon. Look-it topoulaki’m,she says as bird the shoots out of its door, singing 9a.m. the stops by clock cuckoo the on her takes puling time wall, the weights the back up. thanks anyhow. I know they’re a they’re know I says,, Eleni kissing her mother’sanyhow. cheek, thanks Lemme just set this down a minute, Ma, hold on now! Efstratiou, now! on hold Ma, minute, a down this set just Lemme * * | /// 115 /// You hear hear You now you you now says, , she . Tell her, Evan, just look at look just Evan, her, Tell . Eleni says * * What’dya What’dya bring us Evan, huh, little bring! theywhat’dya You shout. look so sharp. look so When Evan shows up at the front door, the twins shoot down the stairs to meet to the stairs down shoot the twins door, thefront at up shows Evan When out tie peeking maroon buttondown, in a crisp white is dressed He him first. al- but ears curls behind tried his his has tame to He overcoat. camel his from hollers, , Evan munchkins my There’s loose the gel. bouncing from they are ready enough to carrytiny still, easy are They arms. his into Jr. and Effie up scooping onehanded. church. for looking dresses nicer some got to get her that old thing! We Who I’m supposed to look in the air. palms outstretched her purdy said, , Evi for look. a them secret she cuts and again Evan up behind creep twins The old. getting Yiayia she’s you talking me. they I guess way the Yiayia! just she’s Effie Yeah, goes and hollers, old! Jr. not Yiayia’s Yiayia. just Yiayia’s the coffee. pouring says, that, Evi heard You I know two little bugs gonna get Well hurry on don’t if they left , Eleni says, behind on. clothes nice up and put some I don’t wanna! I wanna stay with says. Want , Jr. Yiayia Yiayia to tell us stories again. you tell can She ready. get and up hurry you’d if you with coming Yiayia’s your Well afterward. Bright Star at the stories nameday, your on out us taking be should you tradition it’s says, , Evan Ma know, You around. way other the not Baby mou, I take you go get you whatever want. Anything it’s mine, it’s yours. You kids. of the care I take coffee. some that. have a while, know Sit Therebest. Sunday their into twins the fitting is Evi Upstairs, bugs aren’t getting nothing if you don’t hurry up and get dressed for church. for get dressed hurry up and don’t if you nothing getting bugs aren’t face. son’s her clutch to out hands her with ready standing is Evi the kitchen, In polla, xronia cheek, Happy Nameday. her kissing says, , he Hi Ma says, , Evi lemme yem you Thank look at you. So handsome, my boy, my kamaria, my pride! Thanks Ma, you look good too. But what is going on again soon. you with it for dye me got to let your purple! You hair, mother, it’s too, old dress about that ratty her I tried to tell /// 116 /// | Yeah, Jr. says,and ifwe forget, you can always just tell ittousagain. We will,Effie says. Yiayia you gonnaremember. promise to got Youjust babies. my hear, to want you as stories many as you tell I Evi pulls twins to the inclose her hip, her running fingersthrough their hair. Yeah, Jr. says, the one aboutthe well. Yiayia, Effie says, willyou tell usthe story aboutyour nameday again. I’m not ashark , Jr. says, tugging at his collar. | /// 117 /// /// 118 /// | M E M O R Y E T E R N A L /// 120 /// | just of what’s as full missing. Look here, look here says day, the keep itself from starting up again. or pines the not day eventhe can Mist cannot keep it or water the across concrete. the grasses, the The light drops down scuttlesand itspecking way out blue the air. sky—that daymoon thin disc mountains the crack between and fingerthen anotherthrough the Morning inquiet, sneaks first one | /// 121 /// The light rolls down the mountains’ steep shoulders, shoulders, steep mountains’ the down rolls light The valleys steep it until and the wide plains across Morning porch. the front of the boards with collides the nose glass window, close to pink its presses stillits palms the panes, across fingers its stretches air. the wet brushed having dew with specked from metalthe sconces against it knocks soft light The wood. old And the against knocks soft It the door. by itself inside. it lets light looking the enough after /// 122 /// | And sunbeams, inthe dust comes to on settle frames, their astrange pollination. could, they’deyes,the The wall. the women say, lose seem to where areeyes.the faces from window the women the to arch seem backs, to their flutter away. they If room, island, the same that couch very foyer. inthe When light the catches their blending them behind into areel village, of island, the unreal earth—the adark down to dust. the Awhole cluster of quiet facesintheir swarm, landscapes the children, onstill balanced of knees the mother some other long hooded gone beaureaus. Faces of old women, women, dead facesof women were they when members forgotten if not looked at, ifnot up strung inarow or scattered across card. cot—blankets bunched inasingle mound of fabric. nightstand, Onthe afolded furniture the sun.in the All clinging tight to its plastic coatings. In center, the the where halfdrawn blinds letalittle more through. The dust doing afirefly dance Now inside house, the light the drags itself into foyer, the soft still and blue,

Happy Mother’s Day. The photosMother’s the wall on bristle, unwatched—family Happy | /// 123 /// The sun is moving higher in the sky, highersky, in the moving is sun The traded has It it. with taking the light watching edges, yellow for softness its the cuts high. It up from the house metal and of ribbons to weathervane shade of trenches makes shadow, between the wood. the shingles, A the through this time, new entrance weighed shutters The windows. turret but empty room The dust. with down light orange up with filling slowly through the staircase trickling down big the Washing ajar. left the door thein sheets. bed,smalla disturbance gold of bits What made. it halfOnly of of cake the beneath censor’s remain The soot in the new glimmers light. those for book waiting open, prayer hymns. theto find right fingers old for its waiting bag in charcoal The box the white In spark. Sunday that 21, calendar—May the liturgical of Constantine Saints for day the feast The the Apostles. equal to Helen and them. quiet to one No groan. pipes /// 124 /// | all waitingall for hands to come pullheavy the pinecones back up to clockhouse. the no chopping of at wood twelve-thirty. Thetinker,the milkmaid, cuckoothe bird little the behind doors.be dancingno There wooden squarethewill in at noon, and motionless at bottom the of chains. their springwork the All villagers at rest silent. Noon shadows have left it clutchingdark the space, pinecone weights low legs through banister the slats.cuckoo The clock the wall theon by stairs has gone floorboards.the No children tuckedbehindthe coats the in closet or theirhooking upstairsthe hallway, thick corridor of quiet There wood. is no footpatter against Noon is perched now directly above house. the Shadows haveback into flooded | /// 125 /// The sun drags its paper lantern further west, searing an orange orange an further west, searing lantern its paper sun drags The sits shape black Kitchen’s where window the upstairs into gash of glow concrete the warm eyes it’s her pooled the sill. In on a metal bin refuse the intersection, across house the gutted the In light, the in wind. the tarp flapping blue fresh its with The flecks. black in peels off the side staircase of railing iron light room the In the tiny underneath. flesh rustedcopper the across scattered everything—stacks papers of drenches of a whorl unfolded; the futon rings; coffee with tattooed desk, a small the desk, is pot the leg of By uncovered. hastily sheets own the wood in its across scattered fern the little overturned, this. even inside way its makes and noses down dirt. light The /// 126 /// | against quiet. the You could almost hear flowers the the wallpaperon growing. it safe inside so secrets tree. the thespoiled on The walls, of children, strain move it treacherous across those carpet, the arctic plains. No hand to hide locomotive, smoke half-billowing from its engine. But there isn’t ahand to on out to Troy. bureau Onthe Jr.’s beds, the between treasure—that plastic an army, is becoming some an abeast; God animal; Helen making her way flexes its spine.a storybook Acrosspagesthe some herorunning is towards floor. the books on shelf,still the save All for one. Facedown thecarpet, on beds, sees, Theare it empty.Covers unsoiled butthrown thecarpet to down on its pulling children’s knees, in the aside curtains the bedroom. track back down to mouth the of mountains. the Curious, light the bends polishes itself new, afternoon inthe agrey pearl blue. The sun it’s ona slow Having spent of middle the day the atmosphere the behind daymoon the | /// 127 /// Determined now, the light has made it back into the hallway. At the end of of the end At the hallway. into back it made has the light Determined now, but allcandles The dust. and in bronze draped the hall, the iconostasion Cotton votives. wax in opaque of puddles to down burnt wicks frayed spent, lanternshade. water, holy of Droppers ash. of smears and oil holy of swabs open egglike, on a cracked tack, hung quiet bells its and big censor The chest- the black of the top across Scattered white. of a crumble incense its they wouldn’t now, Brittle Sunday. year’s last the palms from of-drawers, to wall. A the deepening, icons the nails now light, The desire. remember the lips for their prayers, murmur to the lips for waiting saints of gathering clutching the virgin mother the center, At theirfeet. their hands, kiss to wood, on painted embossed their in silver; faces are only entirely child, her separate a near alone, hangs Helen their hoods. under St. from peeringout Where isthecross, glowing. arms her true In son. herand effigy herself of pray. to the lips are Where the candles. say us, relight to the hands are /// 128 /// | curtain. The curtain. showerpink matdamp. still shadowsspiderweb on awhite shower Thewindow’s tile. the lattice making giantthe squids go by, now upturned on Thefootstool used wooden to Effie watch silver pipes, inwhite. drain the speckled faucetheads drip into babyblue the sink, of birdshell off-white inthe caulk.Leaky retains its blue. littletiles, Thesquares window upstairs inthe bathroom still Against light, falling the submarine the | /// 129 /// Out back the big willow drinks her own drinks willow own her the back big Out new first her with bristling the light, of share betweenrace branches. her Squirrels leaves. bird unwatched an hair in her Somewhere closer and closer dipping fence crying The out. so long Not on. trunk pile its theto years as hiding afternoons entire spent the twins ago no are there Now branches. her underneath in the plastic No in the mulch. footprints a sweep brings and by comes A wind boughs. atmospheric own Their behind it. clouds of cloud blooming of nest a architecture, the children, are Where in the blue. swimming the cirrus. answers Unclear, the roots. asks the screened-in enclosing netting mesh The purple and blue frays behind the house porch that dusted has Nobody in the falling light. those painted has Nobody in months. table creep to cat the for made The trapdoor boards. wind. small of rushes lets in only through briefly the air, tests in the bushes A rabbit size. its remembering before the shade releases warren. its into down back quietly ducks It /// 130 /// | kitchen— message. Another has just call come through. The wordsechothrough the empty third second from answering the every light beeps machine. New message, new In there sink, the is awinestained coffee mug upturned the drain.on green A of kitchen the table’s feet. The Frigidaire unit hums and the only pipes answer. lightthe from her paws. It drenches chipped the baseboards and scuffs rubber the huddles tight against herself, long the swish of her sweeping. tail Unfed, she licks aretiles boxes of warm cream except for puddle the of shadow where Kitchen now kitchenthe window, testing sturdiness the of faucets, countertops. In kitchen, the The light, nowcaught between evening an purple and orange,fromback in sneaks Just calling to see how she’s doing. Call me back when you hear something. | /// 131 ///

Don’t and Then I’llThen go. The light, now peeling back across the sky in a pink in a ooze, sky the across back peeling now light, The finally unfolds its fingers from around the olive house. It drags It drags house. olive the around from its fingers finally unfolds it as But porch. the splintered across the backdoor, out itself turns the light of a small piece away back slowly shambles the into down slips of light sliver That glance. last one back, white little the earth. and between That the steps crawlspace a For window. in the chink dirtclotted A brief door. storage The illuminated. are in the basement the shadows moment, The wooden stairs. Cold stone, moisture. earthgristle of and . down it Throw the echo and the landing, at machine washing small Scuttle of afghans. stacked and vinyl wilted of Boxes Hit and antennae it Television mammals. again see if it . works orange up marked box, its of out leaning A Christmas tree when Get tiger-red and those markers offthe carpet armfuls of settled deep into Shelving rang. let it topple now The sour. gone good year a That was books, of bottles boxes, the up propping a jungle-gym completed never for manual talons, its in a clock eagle clutching leg. Green short victrola’s matchbooks Candlesand blankets. and Blankets fullystopped. God playing just It’s outages, the power the thunderstorms, from the drums. Big party up in heaven. dusty bellyful, its of relieved vacuum drinks. The spilling their All that dancing, everyone wall to the clutter Wall days. it in vinegar the Soak from rags next wave the fit to rearranged and tossed aside and packed it Eleni and got to go through You even though itself of top on I can’t let that go. I can’t let that go. Not that. That can’t out let steps woman was old that The out. blinks light The go. Ma’s. I takes a broom she the basement, of the center the walls. In of I’ll begins sweep. to and the clutter from get it started for you. /// 132 /// | | /// 133 /// [ Exit ] /// 134 /// | | /// 135 /// . My Mentors My G R A T I T U D E P A G E S I T U D E P G R A T Yes, you do belong here and yes, you have work to do. For teaching me the rules me teaching For do. to work have you yes, and here do belong you Yes, break to terms) own my on and (always me encouraging and know, to I had them. It’s a lot of folks I want to thank here. Folks without whom this object would not not this object would whom without Folks here. thank to want I folks of lot a It’s goes. Here so I am. be it. but need to if you Callexist. sappy me all time, the same at me nurturing and both challenging LeaMcMahan—For home first my into me inviting still. For friendship your for and ago, those years / characters / theater drama how me showing For stage. home—the of outside trusting me For all connected. so intrinsically are / voices / language / stories but myself just not impact whichwould decisions make to direct, to write, to For movies. of love unmatched your all and the wine, For too. me thosearound me for somewhere room was there like kid feel Tennessee this making lonely went. I wherever home could be a there That too. seeing Rings. For of the of Lord very copy first my me giving Hartman—For Sue me. of out that coaxing for and age, young a such at even theme, storytellerin was had I written me tell something to my life in beingperson the first For the kind become to want me making For believe me that. making For beautiful. everywhere are. you goes with you love My were. you that teacher of and fiction, everything me about teaching neededI know to Kates—For Jennifer might be a poet. I didn’t me I think you to to say being theperson first also for always You right. were you I know now then, back but take that to how know books I’ll many of one this just is I hope all us out. sussing for a knack did have fragilehad I flame what nursed You the blue. out in the mail send you to get to grateful more I’m and years, precarious most my Tennessee, in Middle back feel I me made you and there, out world a whole There’s explain. I can than you it. into step could a poet as taking seriously even when me I wouldn’t. Valladares—For Michelle flung far and strange all my supporting For seeing me. For when I couldn’t. Even even I than more gut trusting my the For ghosts. believing about me ideas. For Yes warmth, limitless the most with and always saying, for And to. knew how /// 136 /// | the waterthe gave us. I love you that with all I got. life inthis to with be you. it took us to Time, where the water was. Just what look For saying Ineed you here enough that it. Ibelieved Iam proud so and blessed so magic and joy. For never lying to me about myself. For making me your family. whole night stories talking and magic and joy. For many so years of stories and Tennessee summer. Thank you for asking me eatto with you. For staying the up andkhakis boat starch the shoes, inmy button-down sticking to my skininthe orientation years those ago, all uncomfortably so dressed as Iwas inoversized mean that sincerely. so Thank you for approachingthat awkward littlekid at I thinkmaybe it’s for you. You were right. Thank you for years beingright. of I a month after my Yiayiapassed. had but head, my phrasein this haveYou said I One title ofthe of book. this our first phone calls after I moved the to city, not Terrell—WhereAlex with you, doIevenbegin T. First Ishould thank you for is for you too. There areso many of you and I’mgrateful for youall. knowIf I you,thisthen To my all other mentors, teachers, and loved ones at City and College beyond. energy, your friendship, for helping glow the around. me carry you sincerely enough for that. But Ithank you beyond book, the for your bright Quite simply, could not book this have become itself without you. I can’t thank fielding all ridiculous ideas my and for your honesty to whenhear I needed it. exclamation marks inyour emails, question the marks inmy draft margins. For For your all sincere engagement, not just with my work but me. For the Václav Paris—For reading more draftsthan book eitherthis of of us imagined. measuring. Ihope able to be to return that, one day. despite my all Yours insecurities. is agenerosity that no tool yet is capable of justbook as seriously as any other that could have come across your desk, not realizing (or maybeyou did) that his name mine. was also For this taking coffee friendly (butand serious) advice. For introducing Cavafy'sme to work, known. For drop-of-the-hat those emergency phone For calls. grumpy the David Groff—Forbeing one the single of most warm individuals I haveever you for drawing out them of me, and much so more besides. first workshop together, they’veand remained essentially unchanged.thank I eachmovement inbetween poems were of book this originally drafted in our blue particular flaking the sideoff of grandmother’s my inhouse Greece. The Sometimes it’s torn the envelope, heavy the sheets of construction mesh, that and life is made up of much. so It’s not beams of all sunlight and eagles. soaring or small too grimy or insignificant is made poem because a up forpoem, of life a Forteeth. has no business teaching That me on that apedestal. poetry nothing is Cynthia Cruz—For giving me permission to write with where Icome from on my My Friends | /// 137 ///

Amanda Dunaway—My Mander, where would I be without you. I guess I have I have I guess you. I be without would where Mander, Dunaway—My Amanda day first that together us putting for too, thank to instructor a certain scheming saying always For years. the crazy warm for thank to you I have But class. of both of the boro, through drives walks the library and to For trip. a road to yes couches, various all your For used be to where. what of taking stock always us sitting just for mostly but yes, adventures, all our I neededwhenever them. For Tennessee of think I can’t together. but nothing doing in theClark, floor with it. I love I when say you like sounds home word The you. thinking of without . Etcerenough deep. you and scary nowhere to out on drives The folks. Tennessee other all my For the local 24hr grocery was there cause haunting me with For marathons. movie cigarettes and the hikes do). For to the thing became it (until do else to nothing it cause of am all I at night. neighborhoods of in unfinished cul-de-sacs the rich me. as much as you for is This you. all of of or tooshy I was me, when even being beside for you Gahler—Thank Matt of on this book movements the final up tacking For help. for ask to embarrassed buying all For ofthe light. angle chart the me helping door, the office the of back notice). think I didn’t the news (don’t you health whenthose I told books about . up there of possibilities a sea heart. There’s haunted whole my with you I love Let’s go up, up, up. up. up, up, go Let’s forever. each other known haven’t we forget sometimes Nemat-Nasser—I David with one draft—the first the made I finished when you cake that for you Thank and me, with ghosts own your sharing For the icing. carvedthe house into believing in mine. about excited more being For to me eat. reminding for you Gelsone—Thank Kat too, grief me be can a healthy reminding For days. this book most I was than crazy you, all Gothic. things Love encyclopedia for being my for and way, in its lady. dinosaur those reading For oflasagna. literal trays forthe you Chris Bonfiglio—Thank me all loaning for Also going. keep to me still and convincing rough pages first know). useful you than more (they back get were never those books you’ll For the world. side of the other these on pages reading Nasta—For Joe and work own your this with book. for take the And leap to me encouraging it. name to word no there’s you, for love big such I have friendship. all the writing For company. better think of couldn’t folks—I City all my For For Valentine’s. on Halloween and Halloween on Thanksgiving For days. showing always in the fridge. For water holy and in Portland houses haunted this for is this not, book of or pages early read you Whether each other. for up too. you /// 138 /// | hope this book can returnhope book this it to you, even alittle bit. Σ’αγαπώ. person Iwas the half without you. Ihave never felt such aferocious love. And I That youknow Idid it forboth of us. You are my entire heart, and I wouldn’tbe never forget.I’ll I hope more than anything that reaches book this you somehow. Yiayia (Victoria Sfakianos)—You Soliosi told me something once inGreek that you’ll it. take Ihope you’ll know Imean it. to culture. the Ilove you more than little this paragraph could say, but Ihope me, evenifyou didn’t always understand what Iwas up to. For keeping me close you offer us. You really are so many in my model ways. Thank youtrusting for For praying for day, whole the family every other of act selflessness and every out for myself. For me aboutcalling your dreams and helping me interpret mine. wish I’d of listened to you and stuck it out). Thank you for teaching me to look around living the room table as akid, and forcing me to go to Greek (I School packages, warm the voicemails. For teaching me how to do Greek folk dances you as Iam. Thank you for loving me, stubbon as I am. Thank you the for care Ma Sfakianos Jones)—This (Zena book isn’t just for repayment book this for that, init’s own way. me love the for stories early, and Icouldn’t more be grateful for that. Consider For and mythology reading books fantasy those me all stories as akid. You gave Isaidwhen Thisiswhat I want to do.For saying, Go for it, just go for it all the way. sit through many). so And thank you for seriously. them taking For listening you for always listening to my knows stories Imust’ve (God as akid made you For that trusting Iwould. For bike the and all rides hikes and adventures. Thank 007 (Peter Coromilas Jones)—For always encouraging me to find my way.own supportive and constant inmy friend life. Ilove you more than you know. even ifyou it had to from pry my anxious hands. Thank you forbeingthe most myself, and for always asking me what I’m working on. For always reading it, LOTR marathons and late night ramens. For knowing me better than I know big agoof as Iam, and for helping me realize that’s For thing. agood the all Paul Athanasios Varlan—My brother regardless of biology. For justbeing as without you, but I’m Ican’t glad remember em. my my friend best whole life. I don’t know how I managed first those four years anything. For giving me better advice than Icould evergive myself. For being plans we when were Thank kids. you forbeingsomeone to can I talk about arcade games basement, inthe going along my with all and wild stupid little you for years the all of hiding under trees, through running neighborhood, the Blowfish (Victoria Elizabeth Jones)—My sister and my favoriteperson. Thank My Family you. It’s as much of apart | /// 139 /// To all my other family across the world—Nouno and Nouna, for being my beingmy for Nouna, and the world—Nouno across family other all my To aunts, all my To repay. I could than love more me showing and parents second and Mytilene, Rhode Alabama, Island, in Tennessee, family and cousins, uncles, love. my with you, this—this also is read for be when you may else you anywhere the Operating at new family my thank to want I leastly, certainly not but Finally, the pleasure had yet thosehaven’t I and friends old, both new and To System. phone eyes, the long honest but generous your Robert Balun for meeting.To of fellow my C. Valente, Joanna To a person. as warmth general your calls and return love my love—may of wellspring your poet for sibling, witchy Greek your honesty, your for especially Elæ—thank most to And you always. you to For to cause. the dedication fierce your and generousity, bottomless absolutely grateful. sincerely I am do. you in all that joy disruptive of being a source one. the next all. Til love With Aman. /// 140 /// | | /// 141 /// IN STILL ROOMS : A CLOSE-QUARTERS EPIC ROOMS : A CLOSE-QUARTERS IN STILL A CONVERSATION WITH CONSTANTINE JONES CONSTANTINE WITH A CONVERSATION Most essentially I think a curious person. Someone genuinely inquisitive, inquisitive, genuinely I think essentially Someone person. a curious Most most, with me resonates that work The answers. the with given dissatisfied What’s a “poet”What’s anyway? (or “writer” or “artist”) Anyway, none of those titles really feel right to me or totally accurate in accurate totally or me to right those feel really titles of none Anyway, describe I been the thingmaker to phrase using myself I do. what of terms a point at I’m sense me. the to most makes It now. years of a number for genres combine to all urges embracing I’m where / practice now life in my also echoes needs. It the work what on depending / modes / mediums stories a decade than now, more for I been a handle phrase as using another I make. , which I think exactly is what & noise I don’t know that it was ever a conscious decision. Especially decision. I used since ever a conscious was it that know I don’t as a kid, a lot I drew younger. I was when things different do soto many my in comics made little I films, short and theater I performed in improv another. or way one stories, telling always I was etc. school notebooks to when I moved later, a little until though fully writing take to I didn’t I me friends tell to had even then all my and school, for Tennessee Middle at end the is coming answer since this extraI find a poet. was funny Which a novel. of When When did you decide affiliations or titles other what poet/writer/artist, a yourself calling you comfortable were a poet/writer/artist (and/or: accurate)? more are prefer/feel do you do you feel I never knew any other way to be. I was it before I knew it was something. was I knew it before be. it I was to way other knewI never any Why are you a poet/writer/artist? you Why are I’m one of you, whoever you are. are. whoever you you, of one I’m Greetings! Thank you for talking to us about your process today! process to us about your talking for Thank you Greetings! choose? would that you in a way yourself, introduce Can you /// 142 /// | had just Iwas totally passed. unmoored from my all projects, none of it grandmother Imean my mother’s mother Imean my mother two times) with. Ihad just moved to New York from Tennessee and my Yiayia (my gave me title as the aphrase that she thought Imight could dosomething with book a started Thisfrom phone call Alex my dear heart Terrell,who ingeneral) comingthis (orabook, together? Was itastruggle? encouragedWhat and/orwhile?confounded a for intention this had youhappen? Have this did why and How work. of body a into entities independent as Talk about the process or instinct to move these poems (or your work in general) authentic voice and updated version of cultures these into mix. the list of priorities as a contributor to culture—of literary adding one more ableto be to tell about it ifanything, right. So I’d say that’s on high my very someone comes who communities from those all traditions and those all many version of Greek-ness, of Southern-ness, of Queer-ness. And it takes culture much is so more than folks at large give it credit for. There areso My whole point admittedly inthis is circular just gripe to say—Greek of my various other particularities. writers; with writers from American the South; with writers share who any anddead living? And you of can same dothis type questioning with Queer forward. Who are names the now? inand out Both of translation? Both one of playwrights. the Ok that was thousands of years ago fast though, so Homer, Greekthe any poets given reader of? can think Sappho, maybe and you won’t have Classics department inthe to be to it. take Who are Fine,Latin? you can dothat too. But university the might offer also Italian, variations the all across regions). indialect Meanwhile you want to take not Modern Greek as it’s spoken of country actual in the Greece (let alone lessons at auniversity? You’re gonna translating be Homer. Fine, but that’s considered ancient, dead, finished, long-ago. You want take to Greek mean by that on a level,personal at least, is that anything Greek is largely ingrained dangerous with some very conceptions about culture. What I The “Western” Anglophonetradition (whateverthat construct maybe) is / artistic / literary the (in creative community andbeyond)? role social and cultural your as see you do What artists ofI think any medium are charged with offeringback the to world. but differentlysomehow. It’skind of disorientation a necessary really that Work that ordinary the makes fresh. me see Maybe not brand-new, exactly, in any medium, is stuff the that shakes me out of familiaritywiththings. | /// 143 /// (and don’t get me wrong, I’m no Virginia Woolf Woolf Virginia no I’m wrong, me get don’t (and Jazz or I am and have always been more inspired by music / sound than anything anything than / sound music by inspired been more always have and I am foundation a sonic always is there me For create. to impulse of in terms else, a the idea with of this was obsession , it Rooms In Still For the work. to a body “Hero”; Greek the Ancient to counterpoint a collective Chorus—of sung, danced, whose were lines once, the at action outside and both inside time the first like sort of It’s feet. of the stamping drums or by accompanied The I read Waves The only thing I understood pretty early on in this project was that it was it was was that project on in this early pretty I understood only thing The any Ask nature. by person a project I’m grief exercise. a kind of essentially a as something write to me for very hard friends, they’ll It’s my of you. tell of bodies different four or three always It’s standalone. or one-off, kind of in the sense me to reassuring which is time, given any head at in my work on bit a little least them all at with of days my through move just I can that worry I don’t me, to down comes something whenever way, That mind. my get gonna it’s eventually that know I just “belongs.” it where about too much another. or project one onto grafted the in use you do any) (if practices constrictive other or structures formal What creation of your work? Have certain teachers or instructive environments, or readings/writings/work of other creative people informed the way you work/ write? felt worthwhile. So I typed that phrase T. gave me onto a word document document a word onto me gave So T. I typed phrase worthwhile. that felt it was or what going it was no ideahad I where line. the first wrote just and seriously, more a startedwhile After again I poemswriting become. to going CruzCynthia with worked had I time thefirst was It deliberately. more afford all these poems. neighborhood out I couldn’t sketching I was and so taking I was all these one, for up saved yet then, back hadn’t a camera trying and do those to photos surroundings my of pictures phone camera quite stillit didn’t but poems. a as back while After to congeal, startedthey to a thing pick I think, sort of to pressure, internal of a lot under I was work. I’m and that, of out myself a while took shake to thing. It one that do and do of the chapters punctuate to the decision I made Once I did. that grateful into fell sort the of structure of these with poems, rest the whole the novel of interruptions of constant the the Chorus, addition The bit. by bit place of All etc. mythologysuperstition / / religion of theconfluence time, linear “this” into doing I was trying what I stopped separate sense to made once it “that.” or Did you envision this collection as a collection or understand were your process themselves as poems the while theme a around specifically making or writing not? being made? How or how was work / the being written /// 144 /// | always there, somewhere, it’s even when not. were really only pursuing Light. the Light itself is most the ghostly thing— blue. Iteverything said could that be thousand the ships launched at Troy through /around house, the getting caught corners, inthe bleaching asof anyone, book this maybeevenmoreso. Light is always moving in/ name for Helen means which Light. itself is just as much “hero” the Andthere’s finally the maybe most significant name—Eleni, the Greek departed, but for Lord the to remember too. them but inits also meaning, not which only upon calls us to remember the at It’s of beginning the book. the areally actually beautiful hymn, sonically, Eternal,” is a translation / echo of Greek the hymn Orthodox for dead the return back home, wherever that is. And final the movement, “Memory istoo an important Greek word, for especially humanthe storytellers were by having lived only one their life. “Nostos” with an invocationbegin all they to Memory and Muses, the bound as The Odyssey, and many so other ancient and poems dramas and besides, named “Memory,” and mother to nine the Muses. at Look The Iliador and avariation also of “Mnemosyne,” inGreek who Mythology was namethe held for of Greek the deceased the memorial Orthodox service down that together. ties also there’s Then “Mnemosynon,”whichboth is is “Heirloom,” Ilike which for its compoundedness—something handed intertwined, is which where segment the titles came from. The firstact In Greek culture, concepts the of ghosts and are memory particularly of it is which essentially all, what is anyway. aghost story ambiguity the I liked of InStill Rooms of as sort a title—the objectlessness here’s aphrase I’m entrusting you with, that would safe Ithink be with you. such asweet, intimateLike, listen, gift. see you I andknow I youso that well, many as so actually friend, of my titles have Which is been. Ithink actually of aboutI sort talked before, this but title was the given to me by adear work your colors and/or you influences specifically. etc) naming of sections, process your pieces, how and (individual book, the titled you way the about Talk generated? it was How represent? title your does what monikers, of Speaking work into world, the what Imean by to make that more begin will sense. worksto be of soundto language. set Hopefully with slow the of my trickle that simply could not exist inany other form, as what Ican only describe how worked, they and Ifelt that got they me too. They’rethekind books of and no certainly Toni Morrison), but I got I understood books. them, those The Odyssey. It implies a | /// 145 /// events, and they have consequences consequences they have and events, the plot. How do we relate to those around us, family or or family us, those to around relate do we How the plot.

was I think so much of this problem has to do with re-framing the language the language re-framing do with to has this problem of I think so much difference no makes It publishing. of the institution to refer use to we not just within our own bodies and minds but externally, in the force with with in the force externally, but bodies minds own and our within just not stories telling continue to aim I anything, If the world. touch whichwe Our. Is Us. Is We. is character the main where speaking in face we challenges the on thoughts your of some hear to curious be I’d and publishing across lines of race, age, ability, class, privilege, social/cultural background, gender, sexuality (and other identifiers) withincommunity the as as well creating and vs. maintaining spaces, the safe dangers of remaining and bounds? institutional disciplinary and/or “silos” and/or producing in isolated This book, and the Greek family certainly, is is communal- essentially so certainly, family Greek and the This book, back come would phrase I it, a conceptualizing first I was When centric. is a often to close-quarters kind of quiet a short, make to epic. I wanted a book where I wanted shootouts. rooftop or chases car any book, without relationship Let’s Let’s talk a little bit about the role of poetics and creative community in social sobering, often the face we as lives daily our in present so activism, political and sometimes dangerous realities of the Capitalocene. conditions? with these How interface otherwise or work practice, does your process, was It limits. otherwise? / emotional psychic Especially to when pushed in the “happen” should more that they me thought who told people of plenty are emotions that I maintain book. But I hope this book introduces me to so many other Greek-American Greek-American other so to many me this bookI hope introduces more connecting piece a missing as lodge itself can it I hope thingmakers. might it hope I generations. across and both within other, each to us of identites— incongruous the barriersbetween arbitrarily dissolve to work if and exists, of a life version This the etc. Southern the Queer, the Greek, do. to I came what done I’ll have that, to this book be can testament What would be the best possible outcome for this book? What might it do in the world, and how as will an its facilitate object your presence creative role in this book, for and What beyond? hopes are your community your your and for practice? heaviness off. off. the of some Takes who needs it. anyone for grieves and with it anything, If heaviness What does this book DO (as much as what it says or contains)? or it says as what (as much book DO this does What /// 146 /// | The House come is Please open. in,sit down. Just look this all at room. Is there anythingelse we should orthatyou have want asked, toshare? example is sometimes most the point. effective starting deeply-rooted institutional fault, but Ican say that leading by individual horizontally, not top-down. Ican’t claim to“The offer Answer” to such a done. That’swhy so believe I whatmuch in organizations like OSdoes, rest of us.” No. That’s notrightthe attitude and it’s going to get nothing in, you xyzother-person-over-there are allowed to come inwith “the “inclusivity” that because implies still apower /status imbalance. As whatsoever, for example, for publishers eagerness to their advertise for | /// 147 ///

ABOUT THE AUTHOR ABOUT Headshot courtesy of Francesco di Benedetto Francesco of courtesy Headshot Their work has been performed or exhibited at various venues venues at various or exhibited has been work performed Their NYC. across Constantine Jones is a Greek-American thingmaker raised in thingmaker a Greek-American is Jones Constantine of member a are They in Brooklyn. housed & currently Tennessee The at writing AIDS Artist+ Registry creative & teach the Visual They also they MFA. where earned an York, New College of City research they conduct where Archives, Center thein LGBT volunteer HIV. with they as intersect histories Greek-American queer on WHY PRINT / DOCUMENT?

The Operating System uses the language “print document” to differentiate from the book- object as part of our mission to distinguish the act of documentation-in-book-FORM from the act of publishing as a backwards-facing replication of the book’s agentive *role* as it may have appeared the last several centuries of its history. Ultimately, I approach the book as TECHNOLOGY: one of a variety of printed documents (in this case, bound) that humans have invented and in turn used to archive and disseminate ideas, beliefs, stories, and other evidence of production.

Ownership and use of printing presses and access to (or restriction of printed materials) has long been a site of struggle, related in many ways to revolutionary activity and the fight for civil rights and free speech all over the world. While (in many countries) the contemporary quotidian landscape has indeed drastically shifted in its access to platforms for sharing information and in the widespread ability to “publish” digitally, even with extremely limited resources, the importance of publication on physical media has not diminished. In fact, this may be the most critical time in recent history for activist groups, artists, and others to insist upon learning, establishing, and encouraging personal and community documentation practices. Hear me out.

With The OS’s print endeavors I wanted to open up a conversation about this: the ultimately radical, transgressive act of creating PRINT /DOCUMENTATION in the digital age. It’s a question of the archive, and of history: who gets to tell the story, and what evidence of our life, our behaviors, our experiences are we leaving behind? We can know little to nothing about the future into which we’re leaving an unprecedentedly digital document trail — but we can be assured that publications, government agencies, museums, schools, and other institutional powers that be will continue to leave BOTH a digital and print version of their production for the official record. Will we?

As a (rogue) anthropologist and long time academic, I can easily pull up many accounts about how lives, behaviors, experiences — how THE STORY of a time or place — was pieced together using the deep study of correspondence, notebooks, and other physical documents which are no longer the norm in many lives and practices. As we move our creative behaviors towards digital note taking, and even audio and video, what can we predict about future technology that is in any way assuring that our stories will be accurately told – or told at all? How will we leave these things for the record?

In these documents we say: WE WERE HERE, WE EXISTED, WE HAVE A DIFFERENT STORY

- Elæ [Lynne DeSilva-Johnson], Founder/Creative Director THE OPERATING SYSTEM, Brooklyn NY 2018 a KIN(D)* TEXTS & PROJECTS publication

The Operating System has always understood itself as an explicitly queer project: not only insofar as that it was founded, consistently produces work by, and is staffed by primarily queer creative practitioners, but also in its commitment to queering the normative forms and expectation of that practice. If to queer something is to “take a look at its foundations and question them,” troubling its limits, biases, and boundaries, seeking possibilities for evolution and transformation, then queering is written into the DNA of the Operating System’s mission in every action and project, regardless of the orientation or gender of its maker.

However: while all the publications and projects we support encourage radical divergence and innovation, we are equally dedicated to recentering the canon through committing parts of our catalog to amplifying those most in danger of erasure. First, this took to the form of our translation and archival oriented Glossarium: Unsilenced Texts series, started in 2016, and in 2018 we made concrete our already active mission to work with creators challenging gender normativity with our KIN(D)* Texts & Projects series. Projects and publications under the KIN(D)* moniker are those developed by creators who are transgender, nonbinary, genderqueer, androgynous, third gender, agender, intersex, bigender, hijra, two-spirit, and/or whose gender identity refuses a label.

Titles in this series include:

HOAX - Joey De Jesus RoseSunWater - Angel Dominguez In Still Rooms - Constantine Jones Sweet and Low: Indefinite Singular - Elæ [Lynne DeSilva-Johnson] Intergalactic Travels: poems from a Fugitive Alien - Alan Pelaez Lopez A Bony Framework for the Tangible Universe - D. Allen Opera on TV - James Lowell Brunton Hall of Waters - Berry Grass Transitional Object - Adrian Silbernagel Sharing Plastic - Blake Nemec The Ways of the Monster - Jay Besemer Marys of the Sea; #Survivor - Joanna C. Valente lo que les dijo el licantropo / what the werewolf told them - Chely Lima Greater Grave - Jacq Greyja cyclorama - Davy Knittle RECENT & FORTHCOMING FULL LENGTH OS PRINT::DOCUMENTS and PROJECTS, 2019-20

2020

Institution is a Verb: A Panoply Performance Lab Compilation Poetry Machines: Letters for a Near Future - Margaret Rhee My Phone Lies to me: Fake News Poetry Workshops as Radical Digital Media Literacy - Alexandra Juhasz, Ed. Goodbye Wolf-Nik DeDominic Spite - Danielle Pafunda Acid Western - Robert Balun Cupping - Joseph Han

KIN(D)* TEXTS AND PROJECTS

Hoax - Joey De Jesus #Survivor - Joanna C. Valente Intergalactic Travels: Poems from a Fugutive Alien - Alan Pelaez Lopez RoseSunWater - Angel Dominguez In Still Rooms - Constantine Jones Sweet and Low: Indefinite Singular - Elæ [Lynne DeSilva-Johnson]

GLOSSARIUM: UNSILENCED TEXTS AND TRANSLATIONS

Zugunruhe - Kelly Martinez Grandal (tr. Margaret Randall) En el entre / In the between: Selected Antena Writings - Antena Aire (Jen Hofer & John Pluecker) Unnatural Bird Migrator - Ariel Resnikoff Black and Blue Partition (‘Mistry) - Monchoachi (tr. Patricia Hartland) Si la musique doit mourir (If music were to die) - Tahar Bekri (tr. Amira Rammah) Farvernes Metafysik: Kosmisk Farvelære (The Metaphysics of Color: A Cosmic Theory of Color) - Ole Jensen Nyrén (tr. Careen Shannon) Híkurí (Peyote) - José Vincente Anaya (tr. Joshua Pollock) 2019

Ark Hive-Marthe Reed I Made for You a New Machine and All it Does is Hope - Richard Lucyshyn Illusory Borders-Heidi Reszies A Year of Misreading the Wildcats - Orchid Tierney Of Color: Poets’ Ways of Making | An Anthology of Essays on Transformative Poetics - Amanda Galvan Huynh & Luisa A. Igloria, Editors

KIN(D)* TEXTS AND PROJECTS

A Bony Framework for the Tangible Universe-D. Allen Opera on TV-James Brunton Hall of Waters-Berry Grass Transitional Object-Adrian Silbernagel

GLOSSARIUM: UNSILENCED TEXTS AND TRANSLATIONS

Śnienie / Dreaming - Marta Zelwan/Krystyna Sakowicz, (Poland, trans. Victoria Miluch) High Tide Of The Eyes - Bijan Elahi (Farsi-English/dual-language) trans. Rebecca Ruth Gould and Kayvan Tahmasebian In the Drying Shed of Souls: Poetry from Cuba’s Generation Zero Katherine Hedeen and Víctor Rodríguez Núñez, translators/editors Street Gloss - Brent Armendinger with translations of Alejandro Méndez, Mercedes Roffé, Fabián Casas, Diana Bellessi, and Néstor Perlongher (Argentina) Operation on a Malignant Body - Sergio Loo (Mexico, trans. Will Stockton) Are There Copper Pipes in Heaven - Katrin OttarsdÓttir (Faroe Islands, trans. Matthew Landrum)

for our full catalog please visit: https://squareup.com/store/the-operating-system/

deeply discounted Book of the Month subscriptions are a great way to support the OS’s projects and publications! sign up at: http://www.theoperatingsystem.org/subscribe-join/ DOC U MENT /däkyәmәnt/

First meant “instruction” or “evidence,” whether written or not.

noun - a piece of written, printed, or electronic matter that provides information or evidence or that serves as an official record verb - record (something) in writ- ten, photographic, or other form synonyms - paper - deed - record - writing - act - instrument

[Middle English, precept, from Old French, from Latin documentum, example, proof, from docre, to teach; see dek- in Indo-European roots.]

Who is responsible for the manufacture of value?

Based on what supercilious ontology have we landed in a space where we vie against other creative people in vain pursuit of the fleeting credibilities of the scarcity economy, rather than freely collaborating and sharing openly with each other in ecstatic celebration of MAKING?

While we understand and acknowledge the economic pressures and fear-mongering that threatens to dominate and crush the creative impulse, we also believe that now more than ever we have the tools to relinquish agency via cooperative means, fueled by the fires of the Open Source Movement.

Looking out across the invisible vistas of that rhizomatic parallel country we can begin to see our community beyond constraints, in the place where intention meets resilient, proactive, collaborative organization.

Here is a document born of that belief, sown purely of imagination and will. When we document we assert. We print to make real, to reify our being there. When we do so with mindful intention to address our process, to open our work to others, to create beauty in words in space, to respect and acknowledge the strength of the page we now hold physical, a thing in our hand, we remind ourselves that, like Dorothy: we had the power all along, my dears.  the PRINT! DOCUMENT SERIES is a project of the trouble with bartleby in collaboration with the operating system