Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Thursday, September 30. 2021

Posted by at 19:41

My heart and my prayers go out to the 12 year old dog, left alone for days at home awaiting a beating and further abuse because it couldn't wait to go to the bathroom. Animal cruelty is a felony is some jurisdictions. It's not a matter of political correctness, it's just simple human decency to the creatures of this world. I beg you, please take your dog to the local animal shelter where it will receive much more decent care than you're capable of giving it. I hope the neighbors will hear you beating the dog and call the police to arrest you...... no dog deserves to live like this, and you don't deserve to own a dog. Anonymous on Apr 15 2007, 03:09

When will al and jessie and all the other negro biggots ask crystal gail magnum to apologize for falsley accusing the duke lacrosse team members of rape?When will they ask the club she strips at to fire her from her job for ruining the players lives?When,when,when,never,never,never!All you hypocrites slay me. Anonymous on Apr 15 2007, 09:05

Ode to the Iman: Im a peckerwood in a cowboy hat Got a pretty wife and my wallet's fat Soon I'll be on satelite Tellin everyone what's wrong and right I cant change a thing about what's been said Al and Jessie really want me dead Actualy they done me a favor All the publicity one day I'll savor And when Im laughin to the bank With my new contract Tell all the brillo headed bozos That the Iman is back! Anonymous on Apr 15 2007, 22:11

I agree. There are only a few people that make me more sick than people like you, and its people like Falwell Anonymous on May 17 2007, 01:05

He's not going to sell much, he aint got no tits. Anonymous on May 31 2007, 05:17

Have you listened to the directors tract on the thing?, it's great. The same for Big trouble in little china. Anonymous on Jun 6 2007, 14:11

Oh my God!! I feel so releived! I thought there must be something wrong with me! I've eaten Kahi for years, but lately this has been happening to me! The gas is so incredible, I thought I must have IBS! Been taking beano, with no results, by the way. NO MORE KASHI for me!! Anonymous on Jun 8 2007, 17:39

OH NO CARI!!!! NOW I AM WORRIED THAT I HAVE IBS AND NOT JUST BAD GAS!!!! Anonymous on Jun 10 2007, 01:26

What are you talking about sicko Anonymous on Jun 24 2007, 19:03

Hey man good work asshole Anonymous on Jun 24 2007, 19:04

That cereal was delicious but the intestinal riot was not worth it. Stomach churning is putting it lightly. I now have stronger sphincter muscles, though, from trying not to fart so much, as the onslaught of gas was sudden then constant. Anonymous on Jun 25 2007, 12:31

Page 1 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Yeah - this stuff is POTENT. I cut ass for a solid 10 hours after eating this cereal. I'm talking mass quantities of air. Almost unbelievable. I still wonder where the sheer volume of air comes from. Anonymous on Jul 24 2007, 16:03

"Falwell had it right. He prayed about killing fags like you."

If he was praying why did he need the kleenex and lotion? Anonymous on Aug 7 2007, 06:24

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT Anonymous on Sep 24 2007, 02:03

I can't believe that you would put these pictures of the beautiful Princess Diana. You may feel that we are still mourning her, but guess what, you are just probably insanely jealous of all the fabulous and generous things she has done in her life, which is probably something you would never do or even think of doing!!! Anonymous on Oct 2 2007, 00:53

I was in tears reading this. Anonymous on Nov 19 2007, 15:39 me too! (fart) Anonymous on Nov 21 2007, 01:46

Thanks to this blog, I am now a happier girl. Due to olfactory deficiencies I have had problems with vaginal odor for years. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in, people made fun of me all the time. I was very unhappy and misunderstood. I am so glad that the Vagisil company has come to understand girls like me and has fulfilled a need that many of us are too embarrassed to admit. I can now monitor my vaginal odor daily in the comfort and privacy of my own apartment. I even got a new hairdo and makeover! People don't make fun of me anymore! I highly recommend this wonderful product. Anonymous on Nov 23 2007, 01:17

I made the mistake of eating Kashi GoFart crunch an hour or two before a hearty mexican meal with lots of peppers. Needless to say, my ass was like Mount St. Helens. Anonymous on Nov 24 2007, 16:53

How dare you say that about somebody that made people smile you should be ashamed of your self imagin if you died would you like that?no you wouldn't so shutup and don't say bad things about princess diana. Your mother must be gross out that she's your mother.Never again say bad things about people or i'll really get mad. Got it.Good Anonymous on Dec 3 2007, 22:11 hahaha @ "Or I'll get really mad". Are you serious? Anonymous on Jan 3 2008, 21:38

I don't claim to have the smartest readers... Anonymous on Jan 5 2008, 14:55 hahahahhah nasty Anonymous on Jan 5 2008, 18:06

The pictures are gruesome. But I do agree that Princess Diana was just a product of hype and has really done nothing extraordinary (a few photo ops with impoverished Afrcans does not count). Diana made the most of the publicity afforded her as a member of the Royal family, spent her husband's money and generally turned public opinion against the Queen and Charles. I am sorry she went in this way but I do not see why everyone went into hysterics over her. Anonymous on Jan 16 2008, 01:19

My friend Preston said that Kashi's name should be changed to Happy Golden Farty Crunches. He also says that after eating a bowl for two a day, you could apply for a conceal and carry license,as your ass is a deadly weapon. I laughed laughed so hard I sobbed when reading this site, as it is so true, and made me feel so much better to know I'm not the only one. Anonymous on Jan 20 2008, 22:52

Not funny. Anonymous on Jan 22 2008, 22:13

Page 2 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Haha yeah, it is. I do agree that its a bit rash in retrospect since hes just passed and all.... Anonymous on Jan 22 2008, 22:35

Yeah, very rash. I don't think we saw jokes like this about Marilyn Monroe until at least a couple of decades after her death. Anonymous on Jan 22 2008, 23:58

Oh how terribly amusing-not. This is so not funny and I don't mean out of respect to the dead either. It is not funny because it is not funny. It is annoying because someone thinks it is funny. There are so many not funny people who say not funny things who think that they are funny. I find it depressing that someone has gone to so much trouble to be not funny. After I got over my confusion, I felt bored and depressed which isn't funny at all. In fact it is very not funny. Anonymous on Jan 22 2008, 23:59

LMAO!!! This is Anna Nicole all over again. Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 00:02 i am about 100% positive someone was joking about it after her death. you just dont see it because the brilliance of the internet lies in the anonymity of it all and if you give someone the sense of being anonymous, then you will see that person say things they wouldnt if people had a face and a voice to associate it with. heath ledger's death is all part of a viral campaign for the new batman movie. promotions for the dark knight have included coordinates to places in america to meet up for special gatherings for the film and defaced websites and the usual ARP related games. this is no different. when the film is released, the joker's biggest prank of all will be revealed and he will indeed laugh at the fools who believed this. Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 00:15

Ricardo, I am sorry that you don't think I am funny. If it makes you feel any better, I didn't go through "so much trouble". If you look at the rest of the website you can probably tell that I spend less time on my graphics than Perez Hilton and the articles seem to be written by a handicapped mail clerk. I'm a simple guy who loves to hear from people like you who take themselves and this whole crazy culture we live in so seriously. Can you feel me Ricardo? Can you feel me inside you Ricardo? Why can't I quit you Ricardo? Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 00:21

Oh well, that's sorted that out. But what do you mean by "this whole crazy culture"? What is that? Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 04:01

Fuckin bastard Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 04:18

He still looks really sad to me. Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 05:51 you are pathetic. Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 07:50 you re a friggin sicko Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 09:13

Asshole Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 11:37 hahaha,, its funny as fuck!!! Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 12:12 fuck you elizabeth.you're a bitchhhhh Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 12:34

Am?na soktu?umun bebesi. Yapaca??n i?i sikiyim senin. adam daha yeni olmu? yapt???n i?e bak sik kafas?. bu amerikal?lar?n hepsi ayn? bok. seninde am?na goyam sikimin o?lu michael Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 13:06

Im strangely amused. Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 17:54 valla ne desem laf deil.. .

Page 3 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 18:11

THis shit is NOT funny! how can you make a joke about something that serious you asshole ! You guys are heartless! Fuck your self Siktigimin orospusu biraz sayg? be!.. Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 22:08

FUNNY AS FUCK OROSPUCOCUGU SSG BACISI SIKISMIS SUSERLAR TUM EKSI SOZLUKCULERIN ANALARINI BACILARINI KARILARINI KIZ KARDESLERINI SULALERINI NISANLILARINI COLUK COCUKLARINI HERSEYLERINI SIKEM AGAm Anonymous on Jan 23 2008, 23:45 bu o ibne kovboy diil mi ya Anonymous on Jan 24 2008, 04:04

Ahhh...it's a joke people. Lighten up. The Onion was cracking jokes about 9/11 3 days after it happened and as sad as it is, Heath Ledger dying isn't quite that big of a tragedy as 9/11 or events like that. Some people (like me) enjoy humor as a coping device. If it offends you...oh well. Anonymous on Jan 24 2008, 07:35

I bet the drug company that makes Ambien is having a meltdown. Dust to Dust. Anonymous on Jan 24 2008, 07:37 firstly, the comments on this page that you probably won't understand are in Turkish, and they are all lame. like this 'joke'. secondly, any death is a tragedy. there's no saying "Heath Ledger's death is less of a tragedy than 9/11" and thinking you actually made a good point, because it's such a stupid thing to say. thirdly, making fun of people's way of death on the Internet won't get you easier access to pussies, gentlemen. if you could just see that... Anonymous on Jan 24 2008, 18:23

"easier access to pussies, gentlemen" Firstly... Secondly....Thirdly should read"I am a supreme dipstick" Anonymous on Jan 24 2008, 23:37 biz buna sektörde zavall? reklamc?l?k diyoruz.çok manyak bir fikir oldu?unu sanarak bir kaç gün sonra yanl?? oldu?unu dü?ünecek karars?z heycanl? kal?p iptal edecekler. Anonymous on Jan 25 2008, 13:20

Iyi de bu Sanofi'nin hazirladigi bir reklam kampanyasi degil ki sektorden bahsediyorsun. Okudugunuzu anlayin once. And finally, Michael you are one sick bastard for making fun of a dead man this way the second he died. R.I.P. H.L. Anonymous on Jan 26 2008, 04:29 that's not an ass. u idiots. thats his arm , in a weird position. his feet are upwards, and so therefore, it's impossible his ass is showing. Anonymous on Jan 27 2008, 07:13

This is the worst fabricated picture I have ever seen. He must be incredibly flexible to let his ass hang out when his feet and face are facing upward. oh yeah, and he's dead. Whoever did this is a dumbass!! Anonymous on Jan 28 2008, 01:52

No Shit, dumbass. Any one with two brain cells to rub together should be able to tell that this is SATIRE. It is not real news and the photos often look like they were doctored by a first grader with a computer. Jesus Christ... Either there are more stupid people in this world than I thought, or there are more stupid people that look at my site and leave comments... Either way .... Anonymous on Jan 28 2008, 01:56

Okay, this one is kinda funny. Probably because it's less about a poor dead guy and more about stupid living people. Anonymous on Jan 30 2008, 23:59

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Anonymous on Jan 31 2008, 23:09

Page 4 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Oh dear me. I guess someone is amused. It's a lonely place. Anonymous on Feb 2 2008, 06:42

What's SATIRE mean? What is that? Anonymous on Feb 2 2008, 06:54

I bet the victims' families will think this is hilarious. Anonymous on Feb 4 2008, 10:47

Dude, you a a plus sized asshole! Anonymous on Feb 4 2008, 11:04

Those women were wives, mothers, and daughters, not a punchline to a fat joke. And you're a douchebag. Anonymous on Feb 4 2008, 12:03

Is this supposed to be cutting-edge humor? Is this supposed to be funny? Get a life, moron. Anonymous on Feb 4 2008, 12:26

You are a fucking douchebag. I am sure this would be hilarious if it were your wife or daughter. Rot in hell. Anonymous on Feb 4 2008, 12:57

You wouldn't think it was so funny if it was a member of your family or someone that you cared about that died. Pathetic. Anonymous on Feb 4 2008, 17:04

Wow, you're a fucking pig. You're getting exactly the kind of response you wanted, aren't you? Thing is, you'll never learn, you are an asswipe of humanity Anonymous on Feb 4 2008, 17:17

Ok, I guess I am the only one that thinks this is funny. I forwarded it to all of my family and everyone I know thinks it's funny. I just think people that don't think it's funny are just more likely to leave comments... Anonymous on Feb 4 2008, 17:48

Wow either Justin Blackburn is really stupid or else someone who hates him is signing his name in comments to make him look like a shitpig creep who's so socially stunted he doesn't know when a joke isn't a joke. Good luck with that job search, dumbass. (And, no, not everyone you know thinks it's funny. Some are cringing on the inside and thinking that you're almost as much of a dick as the guy who wrote the original article.) Anonymous on Feb 4 2008, 21:18

Listen Fatty, put down the tub of ice cream and get a sense of humor. There are lots of things in this world that are unfortunate but still fun to make fun of. Anonymous on Feb 4 2008, 21:34

Well, yeah, like your pencil dick. And hey, you douchenozzle clown fart from Shitbag City, I'm a fucking laugh riot, but just because I have a sense of humor and can come up with way funnier insults than "Listen fatty, put down the tub of ice cream" doesn't mean I don't know when a pathetic joke is really inappropriate. Listen, asshat, put down the penis pump and get a conscience. Anonymous on Feb 5 2008, 00:00

What's funny is that your site is now hosting a real ad for plus-size clothing. Tee-hee. Anonymous on Feb 5 2008, 16:26

I feel really sorry for you. This post shows a complete lack of self-awareness. It's as if you've lived a completely frivolous, privileged life, free of catastrophe or tragedy. You don't care about anyone else or their pain, and this makes you a very lonely person. I feel sorry for you, but I wouldn't want to come within 50 miles of you. For the families of these women, I offer my support and prayers. For them, I wish that them every blessing and good thought in the world, to ease their suffering and pain. For you, however, the suffering is just beginning. Anonymous on Feb 5 2008, 16:38

Page 5 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

THIS is NOT one of them. Anonymous on Feb 5 2008, 16:53 dude, people died wth. Anonymous on Feb 5 2008, 16:53

"Put down the ice cream" is a sense of humor? What are you, in second grade? And person who does this blog: Stop jerking off. What a loser. Anonymous on Feb 5 2008, 18:04

Dude, get a fucking life. Anonymous on Feb 5 2008, 18:38

Bunch of people will be contacting google adsense as well as the sponsors here. If you want to make pathetic moron jokes (which are not only cruel, but boring and lame, incidentally) that's your right, but you shouldn't be making money off of being a douchebag. Anonymous on Feb 5 2008, 19:11

This is a sick sad excuse for a joke. If you're going for satire, you failed horribly. Asshole. Anonymous on Feb 5 2008, 19:42

Well...I happen to like black humor. But it does have to be funny. And some of your blog is actually funny in a black humor sense. Really, though, for the most part fat humor is just so passe, and overdone. That's where you're falling flat. It's way too easy to pull out tired and stupid stereotypes that aren't even true, and poke fun at the fat straw-woman than it is to come up with decent and biting black humor. But I think you have potential. If you stick with your strengths and develop them. Fat humor isn't your strength, though. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 04:16

Wow. I mean, seriously wow. You think death is funny? Do you go to funerals to get a good laugh? I mean really. You should consider you couldn't write this article if you suggested these were body bags specifically for Blacks. Yet it's the exactly same form of sick discriminating humor. I don't even really know what to make of you. I think you need to see a psychatrist. Maybe even be under hold at a mental health facility. I mean, you think people dying is funny. Would you be laughing if someone close to you died? Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 06:00 i'm fat and i think this is harmless but not funny. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 08:14

Sarah you think people making light of dead fat women is harmless? So we should just wait until there is intentional harm done to plus-size people to be outraged about it? Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 08:56

This is hilarious! Dude you're getting all kinds of remarks from a bunch of fat cunts who read some fat blogsite called Shapely Prose. Basically, it's a site where fatties go to tell each other that it's ok to be obese. Keep up the good work!!! Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 11:57

Hey, Alex: Dude, he's getting all kinds of responses from people who don't think he's fucking funny. And hey, guess what--I, personally, would rather hang out with someone who's obese than an immature, emotionally stunted fuckwit like you. Even if you're in eighth grade, that's pretty pathetic. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 12:16

You know, when you post something like this and all but two of the people who comment tell you that your little joke is cruel, sick, childish, and not particularly funny, you may want to consider the notion that they have a point. This is not edgy. This is not satire. There is nothing clever or witty about this, nothing to push it over the line from juvenile asshattery to true black humor. The whole of this article can be distilled down to, "Hey, fat women. But, like, DEAD fat women! And they're fat!" Grow up. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 12:21

Oh, no Aebhel doesn't want to hang out with me. Let me wipe away the tears. I already posted this on another blog but it's too good not to share again!

Page 6 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

You fatties need to get a sense of humor. Obese women being shot is funny! I can imagine them cowering in the store trying to "strategerize" a way out. One of them probably asked ," What would Kate Harding do?" Another opined, "We can make a break for it and run for the door." But then all hope was lost when a third woman responded, "You do realize that we're morbidly obese. A turtle could beat us to the front door. Let's face it ladies, we're dead meat." And then in a moment of fat pride unity they all said, "Mmmm...... meat." Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 12:46

My feelings they're hurt! Hey fat ass why don't you color your stretch marks with a black magic marker and call them tiger stripes. Meowwrrr!!! Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 13:43

No, drooling fuckwit, it's not funny. But the thought of you taking off your clothes and the woman laughing her head off at your two-inch dick and you totally losing the little hard-on you managed to get (and that two inches was AFTER you got wood, or twig in your case) does make me smile. Because I have to assume that that happens to you all the time. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 14:45

That woman laughing her head off was your mother! I fucked the shit out of her on your bed, by the way. When I was done. I wiped my cock with your six XXX Fat Chicks Rule! t-shirt. I also swabbed out her cunt with your toothbrush. Tasty! Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 14:58

Hey Alex, that scenario of you pumping away with your little dick sounds so hot! I once met this little gay hustler from Philly named Alex...was that you? The little dick thing didn't handicap him at all, since his specialty was getting it in the ass! Don't knock the fat girls either...apart from you and me, they're only ones who apparently come to this site. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 15:22

My little dick would put the biggest smile on your cunt girlfriend. But something tells me you're a sperm burper. Sorry, I don't play for your team. Hey, did you cry when heath ledger died? Apparently, he's like the gay man's god. I'll knock the fat girls as much as I want, with my wit and my baseball bat. Faggot. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 16:23

I think he's rather handsome. Let's see your pic dick. Or is it cunt faggot? Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 16:33

Alex, you are so slow! In real life I'm not gay or a man, but duh, the whole point of that comment was for me to be salivating on you as a gay man. Anyone else could have seen that from fifty miles away. Jeez, I'm not gonna waste any more time on you. I picture you swinging your baseball bat and hitting yourself in the face with it. Take care, and good luck. Seriously. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 16:36

Ooh, you pretended to be a guy. How clever? Why don't you pretend being skinny and beautiful? Then you'll be loved. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 17:13

So, let's see, threatening assault for no real good reason... hm. Yeah, this attracts a rational bunch. Your scathing remarks and harsh reactions to people's posts really do make you sound like you're compensating for your penis size. In all honesty, you just sound like some rebellious teen from 4chan with no social life and no friends beyond the ones on his computer screen. Sounds like a sad life. So we have no reason to fear your comments, Alex. You remind us of the qualities that make us better than you, like maturity and sanity. Hope your life gets better... Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 17:17

Ignore the post above this. Ah, so another element is added to my overall perception of who you are behind the keyboard: you have severe body-image issues. You're probably anorexic. Just another reason to take what you say with a grain of salt. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 17:28

I just wanted to let everyone know, that while I appreciate all the attention over something as simple as a really, really funny satire article, I just wanted to let you know that comments left such as , "Small penis dicksucker" or other completely useless comments will be deleted. If it continues I will be forced to moderate all comments, which I don't really have the time to do... Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 17:46

Page 7 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Oh, is the fatties hurting your feelings with the small dick jokes? Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 18:14

I'm fat. I think the joke was a bit tasteless, but only because of the timing. Timing is everything when it comes to comedy. It was simply too soon to make such a post. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 18:16

Looks like the idiots have finally arrived. If you can, I know it's hard, try to think. Try to think if someone you loved died, and people made jokes about them. Would you laugh? Maybe you would, it seems a good lot of you trolls are sick people who enjoy the suffering of others. I also agree Alex is most likely one of those deranged f**k-ups from 4chan. Why don't you go back there and jack-off on some Lolicon. Stop wasting space here. Anonymous on Feb 6 2008, 18:48

Two inch pecker? Wow, you fatties have a vivid imagination. Kind of like when you see a cute guy look in your direction and you start thinking, " I think that guy's into me. He keeps looking my way!" Guess what? He's not looking at you cause he thinks you're cute. He's looking at you like we look at traffic accidents. Fat girls are a freak of nature. "If somehow we could harness the friction caused by fat women wearing corduroys we could end our dependence on foreign oil." - Al Gore. Anonymous on Feb 7 2008, 02:53

Excellent article! Join our church, we love to spread hatred. You'll fit right in. Anonymous on Feb 7 2008, 08:28

We're anti-fat, not anti-fag. Get a clue Anonymous on Feb 7 2008, 09:04

Alex, right you're just pro-pedophilia. Seeing as you're a pedophile. Anonymous on Feb 7 2008, 09:06

If this were an article making fun of black people, or gay people, would some of the haters' comments say here: "I think shooting fags is funny" or "I think shooting n*ggers is funny." You think there would be an outrage then? Why do you imagine it's so different when you target another group, in this case, fat people (especially fat women)? It must be nice to have a group of people you can automatically feel superior to, regardless of the content of your character, your talents, your experiences. Anonymous on Feb 7 2008, 09:53

When are you bitches going to get it through your fat heads that fat women have no value. It's in the bible! Jackie, I'm sure you're the "funny one" from your group of fat friends. But you also have the most stretch marks. You're worthless. Now let me go smack an ice cream cone out of a chubby little girl's hand. She'll thank me when she gets to high school. Anonymous on Feb 7 2008, 11:28

You're a very sad person, Alex. I hope you find the help you desperately need. Anonymous on Feb 7 2008, 15:39

Me too, David. You know what would help me? If your wife blew me. Fat girls give the best bj's. Anonymous on Feb 7 2008, 16:28

Wow. You are an asshole. Anonymous on Feb 7 2008, 20:23

Justin is an asshole too. Anonymous on Feb 7 2008, 20:24

I just wanted to add that I'm far from plus size. Don't assume that everyone who thinks that you're an asshole because of your stupid joke is "fat". Anonymous on Feb 7 2008, 20:27

Page 8 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

if you're moderating commments now you chickenshit specimen Anonymous on Feb 8 2008, 00:30 good for you! Anonymous on Feb 8 2008, 00:31

This article sucked ass, dude. Black humour is really funny- this was not. Just poorly executed about subject matter that doesn't really have a funny side. You, sir, are a dissapointment to everyone who has ever read your excuse for humourous prose. Anonymous on Feb 8 2008, 07:05

Sigh What a sad excuse for a human being. Hope you die of a brain embolism. While you are on fire. But I'll settle for just painfully, messily dead. Sodomized to death would be nice. Oh, wait! Paralyzed, blinded, deafend, and mute! Then kept alive! That'd be nice. Die soon Anonymous on Feb 8 2008, 10:02

You are a sad excuse for a "man" Anonymous on Feb 8 2008, 17:29

You shouldn't be allowed to post this crap Anonymous on Feb 8 2008, 17:31

I'm amazed at how many people took offense to this hilarious article. You fat fucks sure have a lot of time on your hands and chicken grease. Put down the KFC assholes! Kate Harding, Sniper, Sweetmachine, Harriet Brown, Fillyjonk, I hope you all get cervical cancer and have to have your vaginas removed. Anonymous on Feb 8 2008, 18:40

Yay! Finally a body bag that will fit me comfortably when I die:) I wonder if they come in designer colors... Anonymous on Feb 8 2008, 20:19

I would totally rent that movie!!! HAHA Anonymous on Feb 8 2008, 21:30

So people you don't want to fuck are somehow less deserving of life? Wow. Don't breed. Anonymous on Feb 8 2008, 22:58 wow, can't belive I am reading such things. 'people' she was a good person who spent most of her time helping those less fortunate. she was slaughtered because of her status and the value of her image. imagine having to give up your freedom in exchange for an appointed position. she was not an actor who knew what she was getting into. she was she was proclaimed her 'rank' because of who she was married to. she will be remembered but never forgoten. Anonymous on Feb 9 2008, 22:29

Like we'd believe you have ever gotten close enough to a vagina to know it has any type of odor at all. Anonymous on Feb 10 2008, 13:53

You are a fucking asshole. How you can believe it's right to make fun of such a situation is astonishing. There's a special place in hell for you. Anonymous on Feb 10 2008, 20:11

For this to even halfway work as a joke there would have had to have been a "Weekend at Ledger's" 1 and 2. But you don't really know what the world is like outside your own tiny, dented skull, do you? Anonymous on Feb 10 2008, 22:09

I am not by any means obese. I looked up the lane bryant shooting and came to this site somehow. THis was right by my house. What kind of ass would think murder in any form of any person is funny. You will pay one day. You are obviouly a pre teen who has never experienced a tragedy in your life, but you will and I do believe you will not be making jokles then, You will look online to find updates or information about your loved ones and we will see if you are laughing then Anonymous on Feb 10 2008, 22:18

Alex, only a monster would wish Cancer on someone. You are a monster. Did your mother ever tell you she wishes you were never born? Anonymous on Feb 11 2008, 12:01

I love it! I too am a disgruntled All-to-hell customer who is trying to get out of my contract. I also think I may be on their customer service "blacklist", because every time I call, the only people they allow me to speak to are rude black women ("I'm sorry, Missuh Payne, suh...kindly go fuck yoself!"), or those who barely speak English ("Tank you veddy much por choosing Alldel")

Page 9 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Feb 11 2008, 14:07

Honestly, I think Alex from Philly is getting a kick out of arguing with everyone. Obviously his replies are simply words with little meaning behind them. If he truly understood what death meant and effect it has on others he wouldn't so easily wish death on others. It is also obvious he has little respect for women in general. "I hope you all get cervical cancer and have to have your vaginas removed." It's distasteful to any woman. In addition, the article was classless. I'm guessing the author was attempting humor but failed miserably because his underlying message was to shame heavy women. Again, this is distasteful to any woman. Women already have a lot of pressure imposed on them by society to appear a certain way. This article attempts to state that if a woman were to appear as a size beyond "ideal" that women should then be subject to mockery and degradation. Women who are overweight deal with their weight on a daily basis, including any physical limitations and health problems which may be associated with their weight. I don't understand why people believe it necessary to also add emotional distress and social inadequacy to the equation? Anyone can easily become overweight or even obese. The author of this article fails to understand that these women are just that, women. They have families and loved ones. Is it socially acceptable to make fun of women who die tragically?

I believe this article is not only against the heavy woman but against women. Those who wrote and support this article don't respect women, large, medium or small. Anonymous on Feb 11 2008, 22:52

Wow - you really ARE a dick.. and skinny girls hate you too. Anonymous on Feb 13 2008, 01:39

Wow - you really ARE a jackass.. and skinny girls hate you too. Anonymous on Feb 13 2008, 01:40

I'm fat, and i thought the article was hilarious. It's also funny how pissed off people get....good stuff...hahaha Anonymous on Feb 15 2008, 00:20

I put this up as my desktop background! Funny shit. Anonymous on Feb 15 2008, 00:23

Not proud of you, son. Not proud at all. Anonymous on Feb 16 2008, 16:40

I can't belive I pulled up this website I love kashi go lean crunch it tastes so good but everytime i eat it I fart constantly for hours and hours into the next day I finally put two and two together and realized it ws the cereal Which I will NEVER eat again after this bout of the worst gas I have ever experienced I'm not kidding if you want your stomach to go into fart over load then go get this lol Anonymous on Feb 16 2008, 16:44

Hey, you made NPR's Day To Day show today. http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=17&prgDate=2-20-2008 By the way, sticking stuff that's not mail into mailboxes is illegal. Marketing yourself by flyers and not knowing that really is retarded. Anonymous on Feb 20 2008, 12:52

Wow, I just read the article and all of the remaining comments. After the comments I had to reread the article to see if I had read the same thing the rest of you had. What I read was a parody depicting Lane Bryant in the role as the heartless American corporation trying to turn a horrific event into a profit opportunity. I didn't see any demeaning comment toward "fat women" anywhere, only flip genderless quotes from the CEO of the evil corporation. It wasn't about fat women, it was about corporate greed. The article wasn't hilarious but it was good. What was truly offensive was the mile of comments following the article. You may now attack my intellect, morality, taste, maturity, and of course my penis. Anonymous on Feb 21 2008, 19:49

Wow. Not only are you not funny, but your writing is poor, and you are clearly racist and borderline retarded (no disrespect to the retarded community intended by this comparison). If you want to see what you are trying to do done properly, go to theonion.com. At least they had the decency to wait a few weeks to come out with a post 9/11 issue that was both brutally hilarious, but somehow still quite respectful of the victims of such a horrific tragedy. How long did you wait to write about the Lane Bryant slayings? I really hope someone close to you doesn't report to work on a typical day, or go to pick up something from the store, only to be bound up ad shot in the head execution style. Fuck you, assholes. (And note: unlike the other reader who have comented on your articles, I don't come across like a fucking moron). Anonymous on Feb 25 2008, 23:06

Page 10 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

ahhahahah thank god, I thought there was something wrong with me!! There is NOTHING like kashi farts in the entire world! my mom literally contained me in one room for an entire day so i wouldn't subject the family to my gas.....it is pretty humorous how loud it is...how is this stuff still being sold? It tastes good though Anonymous on Feb 25 2008, 23:07

Julianne. Not only do you come across as a moron. You come across as a lazy, fat, cunt. i wish you were in that store that day and had gotten shot. Now go finish you bucket of KFC. And don't forget to eat the bones too. Anonymous on Feb 26 2008, 14:57 goddam dude. Anonymous on Feb 27 2008, 03:18

Fuck you Anonymous on Mar 3 2008, 00:37 no joke - worst gas and stomach pains ever. i couldn't figure out what i was eating that was making me like this! thank goodness i googled 'kashi causing gas' - now I have verification and have tossed that box right in the garbage! Anonymous on Mar 3 2008, 21:49

As a joke I thought I would google Kashi/Gas because my wife and I have been blowing them big time. We had a ton of laughs reading your threads. My wife wants me to make sure I put out there that hers was noisy but no odor. Yea, right. Anonymous on Mar 7 2008, 23:03

DUH!!! Come Get Your Love… 1st point. Look at their spokesman, Chad looks like such a flaming Butt Pirate you know just by watching the commercials that you’re going to get screwed. 2nd Point. Their Slogan "Come Get Your Love". You have to read the really fine print to see the rest of it. I believe it reads something like "from a sadistic S&M master. When you’re done you'll never walk right again and smarter people that never had to go through All The Hell will point and call you a dumb shit". Then they will kick you.

Seriously, I’m also a former Midwest customer going though a similar hell. Why doesn't someone start a class action law suite? Every single person I know who went through this switch is waiting for the first opportunity to switch companies. When Alltel bought Midwest Wireless they also assumed responsibility for all the contracts, which they are not living up to, but they’re forcing us to stay in or else pay through the ass to get out of. Anonymous on Mar 13 2008, 15:07

My mom farts so loud, it is ridiculous, and I told her it was the bars.... and look, obviously its true- she is sitting here laughing at what you wrote. Anonymous on Mar 18 2008, 16:15

And if the Prosthetic Penis shop introduced a new condom to fit your incredibly small, limp cock, would you find this acceptably funny and newsworthy? Sure you would, because that's the kind of fair, equal opportunity humor you espouse. Dickstain. Anonymous on Mar 27 2008, 10:45

That's so funny because I found my way here by searching for "Kashi Crunch Fart" because I have finally isolated that is the source of my horrendous gas that I've been having for the last 3 weeks since I started eating this delicious cereal. I will take this post as confirmation of my suspicions! Anonymous on Mar 28 2008, 17:35

I'm gassing out my partner as we speak on this potent fuel. Perhaps it could be useful as biodiesel generation feedstock? It's soooo good I just can't resist. Oops.. I farted again! Anonymous on Mar 29 2008, 06:12

It's called a joke... learn to take one. Anonymous on Mar 31 2008, 13:39

Having a bunch of who I'll assume are women freak out about how horrible you are for saying this isn't terribly surprising. It was tragic, it was horrible, and I'm sure even the author knows this. Many people try to find the positive side, just to deal with the atrocity of the act. This was actually pretty funny to me, and yes, several of my friends, some of whom happen to be women. In a world full of sick and disgusting things happening all around us, a little comedy, however dark, helps make it all worth tolerating. Chill out ladies.

Page 11 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Mar 31 2008, 13:49

I don't know what you guys are talking about. I had two bowls just this morning and I haven't BOOM Anonymous on Mar 31 2008, 14:57

I must say, I'm a little disappointed. My colleague pointed me to this site, and I immediately purchased a box of Kashi GoLean Crunch in hopes of finally quashing their attempts at flatulent supremacy with their feeble emissions. To this point, I have waited beyond the requisite 3 hours without even a hint of a rumble in my intestines. I'll have another bowl for lunch I guess... Anonymous on Apr 1 2008, 13:22

Well, I guess I just needed to prime the pump. Things were rolling pretty well last night. Two and 1/2 more bowls for breakfast this morning, and I'm already starting to feel the effects again. Rock on! Anonymous on Apr 2 2008, 16:35

I think I am the only guy to make it to the moon on just fart bars. These things are powerful. Anonymous on Apr 4 2008, 11:56 who is the asshole? YOU! She was transfered to an hospital, and you say she died in 20min... They tried to save her for 3hours... Get a life ! You are so insane, all you want is to make people believe you bullshit... You just have to go on BBC's website and read the story, that would be something interessant you would do instead of writing all these shit... Anonymous on Apr 4 2008, 14:34

Thank God I found this site and all of you have posted! The volume and smell of this gas is incomprehensible. What causes this though? The fiber, some mystery ingredient? Yikes! Anonymous on Apr 5 2008, 00:51

I have a friend coming into town this week so I thought I better forewarn her of the terrible condition I contracted. I explained that I have excessive flatulence, and I mean really excessive to put it nicely! So bad your not going to believe it! I've been on a real health kick lately, but I told her I havn't been able to do much because it's so embarressing to find new places to fart where it won't impose on other people! I was completely serious, yet she started laughing and then asked. "Are you eating Kashi cereal" I was surprised by her question to my farting dilemna but then she sent me this! Thank GOD for good friends! Anonymous on Apr 15 2008, 10:53

I have to agree with TK (Admin), sometimes its best to let go. She was a good person , but she was only a person , people die everyday. Anonymous on Apr 20 2008, 20:48 why would you say something like this everyone well neally everyone loved her and you cant change that with what you write the reason everyone loves her is not just because she was a princess and a mother but because she helped the unfortunite out. just get over yourself ffuucckk Anonymous on May 5 2008, 22:51

You're so right! For the past two days I have felt uncomfortable, bloated, and fartalicious. I thought it was the 1% milk I bought by accident instead of skim... but this makes a lot more sense lol Anonymous on May 20 2008, 00:12

Well! If you'll ALL pardon the pun. I'm feeling GREATLY RELIEVED after searching for Kashi and Gas and finding this page! And adding MY fair share of methane to the atmosphere! I'm writing through copious tears of gut busting laughter and sympathy! OMFG it's hilarious and tragic all at once! Because it IS a delicious [and allegedly very healthy] product! FYI: It isn't just the Go Lean CRUNCH! IT'S ALSO THE HI FIBER GO LEAN OATMEAL TOO! I know from direct and personal experimentation! LOLOL Does KASHI know about this? Has anyone here tried contacting them about this??? I'm wondering because the first place I went was to their website to see if there was anyway to talk about this very weird "by-product" that apparently is VERY widespread! I did find ONE article from a Kashi site that says "flatulence can be a result of eating too much fiber in one sitting or suddenly increasing fiber content rather than gradually increasing fiber content to the recommended 25-32 gms daily." Hmmmm! Well all I can say is if that's the case then you would think that after months of eating this cereal and not increasing fiber in any other way - shouldnt it go AWAY? SOMEDAY? Again- from personal experience- it doesnt EVER go away! I suspect a secret weaponized fiber substance was slipped into our Kashi folks! OMG I am happy and sad too that my favorite HEALTHY food has such a universally "explosive" impact ! At least I am not blowing in the wind alone! Anonymous on May 21 2008, 02:59 indeed, women need to understand that their soggy fish caves make us gag. ho's, clean that thing out, often. as far as i am

Page 12 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

concerened, the damn thing should detonate if their junk stanks. Anonymous on May 23 2008, 19:43

Oh my. I'm glad I found this site. I was ready to go to a doctor after this weeks incidents. By Tuesday of my work week, I told my boss I think I'm really coming down with something. This week I became really close with the Lysol spray. I couldnt believe the gas I had. I was farting away in my office when I figuered I could keep blaming my "squeaky" chair. Unfortunatly our restroom is close to eveyone in the office. The long (sometimes 1 min long) farts were hard to hide. There should be a surgeons general warning label on the box. Good luck to those who dare. Anonymous on May 23 2008, 22:10

I'm almost in tears as I read this. I've been eating these bars for a quick breakfast with fruit this past week. I've been so, umm, bloated and uncomfortable, I am unable to sleep, my husband is keeping his distance, as is the poor dog! Ahhhh, too much of a good thing... reminiscent of my bout with sugar-free chocolate bars, I don't know what's worse!! Anonymous on May 27 2008, 18:04

I hate that I just had to throw a box of this away, because it is DELICIOUS. But it's deliciousness just made me eat more and more and god help anyone in a 1 mile radius of me. It was so embarrassing. I had to cancel a job interview because I knew I couldn't trust myself for 1 hour to keep it in. STINKERS! Jesus. I had suspected it was the cereal for a while and just didn't want to believe it. But now I have my proof. In the form of other fellow Kashi lovers and farters. Anonymous on May 31 2008, 17:04

Down with the royalty! Anonymous on Jun 2 2008, 18:32

2 words - RAPID FIRE! I tried this cereal for the first time this A.M. "Kashi Gas" was what I googled this afternoon, as I hit hour 3 of the most violent, oddly odorless, bout of intestinal gas I have ever experienced. Thankfully my office chair is cushiony & absorbs the noise. I hope there isn't a hole in it when I get up! haha Anonymous on Jun 3 2008, 15:46

Fiber will make you fart because your body is not used to that much of it, try eating whole grains for a few months, the gas will stop because you will become used to the fiber in your diet. its like drinking coke for the first time, you will feel very gassy. but once u drink it for awhile, the gas will ease. Anonymous on Jun 5 2008, 19:42

Listen dude, it is NOT the fiber.. The dietary fiber (while at 9g) is not nearly as much fiber as an average person has in a day. I could fast for 10 days straight; eat one Fiber One bar, and fart for hours. One could eat two gallons of Spaghetti, Two cups of Lentils, a gallon of Peas, a sack of Blueberries, a cart full of Bran flakes, a truck load of Oatmeal, two loaves of Rye bread, a bushel of Artichokes, and a barrel of oil full of corn and Turnip greens and not have as much gas as I do after one of these. There is something evil about them. They really defy all logic and all knowledge of nutritional information when it comes to fiber and farts. I don't care if you are a trainer, you are coming to some knee-jerk irrational assumptions about this hell-forged snack bar. Anonymous on Jun 7 2008, 01:18

I googled Kashi explosive farts gas shits, glad to see I am not alone here, I was sitting on the pot having my second d"dumb and dumber" moment of the day trying to think what I could have done to deserve gas like this, when suddenly it hit me KASHI! Anonymous on Jun 10 2008, 15:57 what you just said was horrific i cant believe you would post something like thaat on the internet you sick basted. diana was a kind hearted person and someone to look up to and you would say somthing like that. that is dispicable be ashamed. from prudence and holly and the hole of year 8 Anonymous on Jun 11 2008, 00:08

I too have been in complete tears and a stomach ache reading this page. I have two bulldogs who are notorious for passing some serious gas. But since my husband and I have started eating these Fiber One Bars, it sounds like the trombone section in a high school band! It has reached a level that is even louder and more stinky than our bulldogs! My husband is horribly bloated and complains that he can't stop passing gas. I can't even take two steps with out letting one go! They fall out at any given moment. Do you know how hard it is to squeeze your ass cheeks when you are working closely with people in order not to fart??!! We have sat across from each other my husband and I and actually had in depth conversations on how bad the gas is and how we wish the farting would just stop!These bars are so tasty-we even tried the caramel and oat ones. We are throwing them out-if they are here I will only continue to eat and continue to burn holes in my couch. Anonymous on Jun 12 2008, 15:51

HAHAHA. Dead boy scouts. Anonymous on Jun 15 2008, 05:05

An in-depth radio interview with "Life Scout" Hal Emas can be found at: http://www.tornadowitness.com Anonymous on Jun 15 2008, 23:06

Page 13 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I googled Kashi gas as well and found this site. Holy freaking moly, this is the most gasseous food I have ever eaten. But the orderless comment is correct,and thank God. Anonymous on Jun 17 2008, 21:24

OH MY GOD! I am so happy to read these comments. Had Kashi for the 1st time yesterday and my family thought that the philharmonic symphony had arrived in my living room. It was painful! Anonymous on Jun 18 2008, 18:22

I have to agree!! I was getting ready to buy a trumpet! This happens every time I eat Kashi. Add Silk soymilk and you've got a party on your hands. Anonymous on Jun 19 2008, 15:47

As I sit here with tears of laughter rolling down my face, at the storys you guys have wrote. I am glad to see it is not just me. Ever since I have stared eating the Fiber One Bars I have never farted so much or so loud, not to forget the smell, in my life..And yes it is hard to hold the farts in when your in public or at work ... I just pray so hard that One does not slip out at work when I have customers in my office. Damm them bars they have to taste so good. Anonymous on Jun 24 2008, 22:16

I kissed the lady in red, it started to get intimate, and I dimmed the lights, next thing you know....WHAMMOOO BRRRFFFT...I couldn't control it and then she walked away. Thanks alot Kashi now I'll never find a wife. I've been eating this delicious shit for years. Anonymous on Jun 25 2008, 13:45

I'm surprised activists give the time of day to what's essentially the blog equivalent of a shock jock. You have your place, they have their's. Why do the two even give a shit about each other? Anonymous on Jun 26 2008, 07:22

OMG I am crying, I am laughing so hard. I bought these last week and I loved them, I ate 3 the first day and had the worst gas of my life. then the next day the same, finally on the 3rd day my husband counted the farts, 105 in one day! he said I need to go to the doctor, they are the loudest and longest thing I have ever heard, gross I know. I figured maybe it was the bars? So here I come and see I am not alone, I cant stop laughing!!! Anonymous on Jun 26 2008, 13:57

Please see this website for information on actually making a difference for the Boy Scouts of the Little Sioux Scout Ranch. Anonymous on Jun 27 2008, 15:57

After wiping off my computer screen from spraying my tea all over it in a violent outburst of hilarity over these comments, I just have to say THANK GOD I am not alone. I bought Kashi Go Lean about a month ago and ever since the hills have been alive with the sound of my music. Going to the gym has been a real treat, especially because I've had to fear blowing a hole through the guy behind me on the treadmill. Unfortunately, I got my mom hooked on the cereal too and since we run a family business, things have been real interesting around here. Seeing us chowing down on this cereal every day, my da just had to give it a try and in no time flat, the three of us were hard at work trying to blow the roof off. We even grossed the dog out. He was the first one to quit, saying he thought it was the Kashi. Not one to want to give up my big morning bowl of deliciousness, I decided to prove him wrong. Well after googling "Kashi Go Lean" and "gas" I must concede defeat. At least now I know it's not some horrific stomach virus or alien implantation (with the pain and loud gurgling, I was leaning toward the latter). I must go now, this morning's bowl (the last of its kind) is beginning to say HELLO! Anonymous on Jun 30 2008, 10:29 oh my goodness!! I have been dealing with this for months, but just recently had a "brain fart" (no pun intended) and thought "OMGoodness"!!! It's gotta be the KASHI! And then "google" and LOL! This site is hilarious!! AND TRUE!! Out goes that delicious cereal!! Anonymous on Jul 1 2008, 17:46 hi everyone--- wow, i'm not alone. i was just telling my sister about how horrible my gas has been and how when i'm running on the treadmill at the gym i feel so bad because i CANNOT hold it in. kashi makes you gashi. that's it. i'm almost done my double box from costco and i guess sadly i won't be able to eat it anymore!!! Anonymous on Jul 1 2008, 23:25

Ahhh, Google. What did I do without you? Before Google, I would have figured there was just something wrong with me. But after typing in "fiber one farts", I realize that I am not alone in this. I type this as I sit in my own cloud of stench. It's not just the frequency of the flatulence that gets me, it's the odor. Man. The smell is like a combination of rotten eggs and despair. But they're so tasty! I had one at work today and had to keep getting up and walking to the bathroom. Or, if I had just been in there and was embarrassed to re-enter so soon, I'd strafe the hallway and make a quick getaway. I can see the look of the guy who walked into that five minutes later (by the way, did I mention that these things linger for what seems like days. I'm sure my car will be befouled when I get in tomorrow morning). Anyway, yeah, glad to know I'm not alone. Anonymous on Jul 8 2008, 00:44

Page 14 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Great News! I switched over to Kashi Heart to Heart & the gas has been significantly reduced. It's a few grams less of fiber in the bowl, but a lot less gas in "the hole" haha Anonymous on Jul 10 2008, 11:27

YES! Thanks to this site, I finally figured out what was causing this incredible stomach pain and gas. It's a shame, too. I have an irregular digestive system, so eating fiber is supposed to help, and I thought Kashi Go Lean Crunch would help me in that regard. But, nothing is worth the amount of pain this cereal causes me. Into the trash you shall go, Kashi. Anonymous on Jul 11 2008, 14:41

My sister told me she had Kashi for breakfast today and I said I used to love that but I couldn't stop farting! She said I'M SO GLAD YOU TOLD ME THAT, I THOUGHT IT WAS WHAT I ATE FOR LUNCH! So we decided to do research on the web and found your helpful website! Luckily, by the time it kicks in I am driving home from work and no one else has to be offended! It is so most hilarious! They are record breaking farts! Anonymous on Jul 12 2008, 20:58

I bought the box of caramel bars. The first one I tried was soooo good and I had nothing else to eat... so I made the mistake of eating the entire box in a day. I just thought it was like an oatmeal bar, you know? Nothing wrong with downing the whole box. YOU.DON'T.EVEN.WANNA.KNOW.HOW.WRONG.I.WAS. Anonymous on Jul 15 2008, 12:53 ha bought these becuase i was having problems with bowel movements... and stimulents never have worked for me... so i figured fiber...g ood... ate 4 the first day and finished the last one in the morning... couldn't understand why i had so much gas... other than maybe cuz i hadn't passed gas for almost five days. ended up getting stomach cramps, such as before i ate the bars.. thought maybe my battle wasn't over... ate another whole box in basically one sitting... (they are addictivly good...) and now i realise that the pains i was having this time around were probably associated with the bars themselves and the huge amounts of gas that they create... wow... these things really do come from the pits of hell don't they... damn you fiber one... damn you... Anonymous on Jul 19 2008, 00:33

I need help, i was working out at the gym, and i had to hold it in for so long that just as I finished my workout (BLAMMO WHFfffffTTTTTTT PLAH) The whole gym was silent and everyone was staring at me, but thats not the worst. During church at the prayer, I had held it in the whole car ride, service, and had not farted once that day. as soon as the pastor was about to say "Amen" (WWHHHFFFT PBPBPBPFHTR BLAM!) my kids couldnt stop laughing until the end of the service Anonymous on Jul 19 2008, 09:03

I just emailed the link to this site to my brother and sister who had to endure a full week of my intense flatulence while on a family vacation. I feel vindicated! Anonymous on Jul 21 2008, 15:00

Hmmm... I agree with everyone here. TK's comment was a bit harsh, but one the other hand it would be nice if the media would leave the poor woman alone already. People die in car accidents all the time -- good people, bad people, all kinds of people. I know that none of those tributes/concerts/fundraisers make it easier for her sons to live more or less normal lives. It must suck to constantly be reminded that your mother died in the most unfortunate circumstances. I'd be pissed off, too. Anonymous on Jul 23 2008, 13:02

I am sure that I will be right on this stupid subject. Diana was nothing better than a lady in waiting. Throughout the years when she was classed as royalty she would still welcome gentlemen friends into her marital home. Her death was a shock but not a national tragedy. Best gone and best forgoten. The only reason women get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. Anonymous on Jul 24 2008, 23:11

Well, kids, I'm a 50 year old man and I can identify with all of the testamonies. My 52 year old brother is THE expert on foods and drinks that cause the most gas. He's been aggressively researching food fun for over 40 years. HE (THE EXPERT) turned me onto these and DARED me to eat 2 and go on a long car trip. WOW! Ka-POW! Woooah! THE EXPERT was right and so are all of you kids. Now I am turning more and more of my 50-something friends onto the sheer entertainment that Fiber One Bars provide. General Mills, please don't change anything in the formula. Anonymous on Jul 25 2008, 14:27

Spoken like a true pimp ! So yo hoes clean theirs that's good to know you be running a clean operation deek ! I think a product like dat is a waste of time - who the fuck needs a meter - the best meter is yo nose - if you can smell it from the other room then it means it bad motherfucker you need to clean dat out nobody needs no motherfuckin' meter to tell you that you stank! Anonymous on Jul 25 2008, 20:25

Page 15 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

OH thank you, thank you, thank you!! I was about ready to book a dr appointment because I thought I had IBS. For the last 3 weeks I've been pushing molten hot farts into my desk chair every 5 minutes. It got to the point where I was sweating when people would come talk to me because I knew they knew what I had done. And I don't know what you people are saying about 'odorless'. Mine where the worst most rank smell ever conceived. The kind that makes you either very ashamed or very proud. Holy crap, I'm pitching the Kashi. No food is worth this. Anonymous on Jul 27 2008, 21:04

Sweet Jesus I was starting to think I was crazy! I'm sensitive to some ingredients, like dairy and sugar alcohols so I usually stay away from things that aren't "all natural" and overall I'm a very healthy eater. I regularly eat over 24g [the recommended amount] of fiber each day - and have been eating Gnu Foods fiber bars, which have 12g of fiber in each bar. So PLEASE, everyone who keeps saying the gas is caused by the increased fiber intake, shut up. Never have I EVER had this much air inside of my body at once. It literally felt like someone attached an air hose to my bellybutton and pumped me with as much air as possible. And just when you let out a good 4 minute fart and think you're going to feel some relief, NOPE! Another little explosion in your stomach and there are 50 more farts lining up inside of you just waiting to burst out at the most inconvenient moment. I work in a very quiet office all day and let me tell you - if there is a hell - it's probably just the devil forcefeeding you one of these bars a day. Seriously, one bar and your insides will be exploding. I swear, I can't even look at a box without farting now. I hate you fiber one. Anonymous on Jul 29 2008, 21:38

I'm not in trouble. My husband can't take my constant laughter over how much I'm farting. He farts probably at least 50 times a day if not more, every day. I have two days of around 400 farts from Fiber One, no joke and suddenly I'm trouble for laughing. I couldn't even make an exchange at the store today, it took five minutes. I've farted four times since I wrote this. It smells like something crawled up inside me and died. Anonymous on Jul 30 2008, 00:29

My wife bought these for the first time a few months ago. I took one to school that first week and within a few hours, apparently the Dozers from Fraggle Rock set up shop in my colon and went to work with the jack hammers. Have I ever been in more pain...I think not. That was the last one I will ever consume. My wife on the other hand, tsk, tsk, tsk. She loves the flavor, and for her it's worth the pain she puts herself, the dog, the cat and I through to keep on buying and eating them. I think I even saw our Beta Fish choking following one of her gigantic vomit inducing fog horn-like butt trumpet solos. Please someone give me words that I may say to her to get her to stop. I threatened to throw them away yesterday and you would have thought I was trying to steel one of her kindeys. The thought of pulling a dutch oven while in bed isn't so funny when you know you'd be on the recieving end! Anonymous on Jul 31 2008, 08:48 wtf? that isnt funny at all! whoever made that is a dumbass. that picture is sick. get a life. Anonymous on Jul 31 2008, 11:04

Today, I was threatened by several coworkers on account of my Go Lean Crunch gas. I decided to do some research on what I thought was a unique experience. It's great to see that I'm not alone. I'd love to see what Go Lean Crunch treats (ala Rice Crispie) could do to a family reunion. Anonymous on Jul 31 2008, 20:16 ahhhhhh - the Kashi farts. I love it!! I have been laughing reading these posts. Gas must be good for you, right? Anonymous on Aug 3 2008, 14:39

Your blog post is made up of a style I clearly enjoy. Say it - Like it is. That's the only way crackers will get the message straight. Anonymous on Aug 3 2008, 19:02

SHE'LL LIVE FOREVER AND EVER, EVEN AFTER YOUR GONE. IF ONLY THERE WOULD BE A REASON TO REMEMBER YOU ?? HMMM ? NOTHING ?? YEP YOU'LL BE FORGOTTEN RIGHT AFTER YOUR PRONOUNCED DEAD FOR SURE. Anonymous on Aug 4 2008, 04:40

Just like all the rest, I finally googled Kashi + Gas today and found this site. Thank god! I thought I was going crazy. Everyday, starting around 2pm I looked and felt pregnant. I literally had a watermelon size abdomen full of gas. Painful gas. I've had explosive farts that you could time, much like contractions. I am relieved...though not quite yet...to know that it's this stupid Kashi. For a while I thought I was lactose intolerant. Sheesh. Who would've known. Three boxes going in the trash now. Anonymous on Aug 4 2008, 19:40 my sister Ally farts really loud and it smells and my dog gets scareed. i didnt write this as her sister. um shhhh!! i said it was cuz of the bars and she dosent beleive me and now im right! chica ya fake id fake id

Page 16 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Aug 4 2008, 20:37

That is racist as hell... which is probably why it's so damn funny. Anonymous on Aug 5 2008, 08:39 my roommate did it...i told her from the "get-go" that it was a "pyramid-scheme-of-sorts" so she didn't listen...fortunately she had money problems and got back most of her money. she told me her boyfriend put in $12,000 and had $300,000 that he could take out...i was laughing...yeah right.. yeah..stupid white crackers...but not all of us..hahahaha i knew the people who got in in the beginning would "make out like bandits" but most would get screwed. for you white crackers out there 1) if it sounds too good to be true it is 2) if they promise outrageous returns run the other way and 3) if you need to give $$ to make $$ run the other way dumbasses! Anonymous on Aug 5 2008, 11:59

I'm a stupid Nigger that falls for everything and I knew this was a Ponzi! If you lose money, Good! maybe you will learn something! If your nigger ass got a friend into it for your greed. Be a real white person and not a nigger and give their money back! It was your lies that got them to invest. Sell your home or you ass to get their money back or be a nigger like your mamma! Peace out! Anonymous on Aug 6 2008, 19:47

"greedy pigs end up at the butcher" LOL! Anonymous on Aug 7 2008, 05:11

That's what you get for eating crap. There is nothing healthy about this product ! All of the ingredients listed in excess will make anyone gassy, bloated and on top of that you will not be able to sleep at night. I am not gonna get into the details on the things they put in there, but let me make this clear.... IT IS NOT THE FIBER, I repeat "IT IS NOT THE FIBER". The problem is staring you right in the face.... Can anyone guess? W.... G...... Good luck! Anonymous on Aug 7 2008, 22:32

The guy that posted those pictures and wrote all those rotten things about Diana is a YELLOW BELLIED JERK who would never dare say anything like that outside the safety of his home where he can hide. If you don't want to hear about her then turn off the television. If you do not want to read about her then don't. Maybe someday someone in your family will die like that and photos of them will be posted on the internet and people will say rotten uncouth things like you did. See how you feel if it ever happens. Anonymous on Aug 9 2008, 15:32 san?r?m bunu yapan babas? ibne kovboyun birisiydi. adam?m?z babas?n? götürdü sanm?? galiba!!! klasik fikrim: anan? avrad?n? çoluunu çocuunu... bu it amerikal?lar?n sa?l?k sektörleride kendileri gibi köpek orospu zaten aaam?na gooduum cocuklar? Anonymous on Aug 11 2008, 20:05

My husband and I are still rolling on the floor. I took a long walk today and almost had to break into someone's house because along w/ the insanely potent and frequent (beyond annoying) farts, I ahem...had to ...ahem...run to the closest public restroom where I quickly evacuated the contents of my bowels.... My DH and I were afraid we were both going to need to see the doctor. The explosive nature and unbelievable stomach distress is, well...unfreaking believable. I think there should be a warning label. WE bought ours at Costco...the big commitment box...but oh my GOD it tastes so good... Anonymous on Aug 11 2008, 20:56

This article is Soooo true. I've been researching about my wife's raunchy ass and discovered this article. As a matter of fact, while typing this she dropped another god awful bomb. The day she started eating these bars, was start of a daily inferno of gas that melts the wallpaper off my wall. Good luck guys who also have this problem God bless. Anonymous on Aug 12 2008, 20:14

I am not the only one!!! I bought Kashi two days ago and have had "problems" ever since. I used all of my hand sanitizer up today trying to mask the smell at work, but I'm sure it didn't help. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, so I made my boyfriend try Kashi this afternoon to test it out. I'm typing this about six hours later and he is still making bathroom runs. Needless to say, the smell is HORRIFIC! I think this site should be sent to Kashi as a petition! Anonymous on Aug 13 2008, 03:15

Page 17 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I had my first bowl this morning and couldn't believe the horrible churning and rumbling, followed by rushes to the bathroom (I work in a law firm - not the place for explosive flatulence). Does anybody remember the Saturday Night Live skit that was a commercial for a super-high-fiber cereal called Colon Blow? I think I just found the real thing. Anonymous on Aug 14 2008, 00:12

Diana was nothin more than a peasant slut. All she did was flaunt herself around in the tabloids. She even used to ring the editors up to tell them what she was upto that week. Good on the photographers getting these pictures on the web. Good ridance to the silly hag. [email protected] Anonymous on Aug 14 2008, 19:24

All of the angry words and frustration stated here over Princess Diana's memory is your fault not hers. I agree that the media and the public created the Di-mania and the princess Diana fantasy that people still try to cultivate today. And yes there comes a time when it's just healthy to let go. But there is no need to try to diminish the good-hearted person that she was and the truly admirable deeds she performed. These memories should live on but it's time to let others carry on those works and deeds. She would want that. And, although I find the photos sad and gruesome, I have always deplored the phony fairytale version of the crash (as if we could believe it) about how she remained "untouched," and "uninjured" after a wreckage so horrific that one of her earrings was found across the street and the other imbedded in the dash. She WAS injured. It can and should be told. We aren't fooled and it just makes for further fantasy. Let go. Anonymous on Aug 27 2008, 01:01

You are void of any feeling whatsoever, and probably live alone, divorced, and have a job you don't like. TK, you need help, and need someone in your life to keep you from going insane, but I am sure you already know that. Anonymous on Aug 27 2008, 01:03

THATS NOT A REAL PHOTOGRAPH!!! Whomever posted that PHOTOSHOP photo and wrote that uncalled for passage, well all I can say is I hope they their passing wont be as rudely desecrated as that author did to Diana. They should be ashamed of themselves and find better usage for their time. Anonymous on Aug 27 2008, 01:04 i LOVE these bars, except for what they make you do. but, i dont wanna stop eating them because theyre so good and they help keep me full and are healthy (my doc told me i need more fiber) but, will the farts ever end?? i work in a health care setting, so i just blame the patients for the bad smell. if i keep eating them, will my body get used to them?? please, say yes. Anonymous on Aug 27 2008, 01:05

It's so funny to read about everyone else's experiences with GoLean Crunch. I can't believe it when people say they actually eat it on a regular basis! The first time I tried it I thought all my intestines were going to come out. Strangely enough, regular Kashi GoLean has more fiber per serving and doesn't give me any digestive problems at all. Go figure! Anonymous on Aug 27 2008, 01:08

My wife and I give these to the kids to keep them regular. They think it's a treat. But, the trick is to limit your intake to one or two a day. Unbeknownst to us our youngest ate three at once while Grandma was watching him. Later that night his butt exploded like I haven't seen since diaper days. There was dried crap all down his leg, his underwear pretty much had a hole in the butt, and I swear the smell took a coat of paint off the walls. Anonymous on Aug 27 2008, 11:03

Major flatulence!!!! The worst part is that kashi farts are not the productive kind! It would rumble around and around and all that would come out was a sad little "peep". All that trapped gas--I couldn't stand up straight for a week! I was also sorely tempted to wear sweat pants the whole time! I thought that i had swallowed a tapeworm/alien and that it was about to come out.2 Anonymous on Aug 27 2008, 14:07

This page is some of the funniest shit i've ever read, the way my day is going i definitely needed this! This morning when my co-oworker Stewart told me that he farted 6000 times yesterday i called B.S. then it happenned i walked directly into his trap. I ate a carmel fiber bar and damn it tasted goooood. I ate this thing agbout four hours ago and the last two hours i ve farted maybe 100 times already at first i thought it was cool b/c there was no smell but as the day has progressed between he and i it smells like a dead body in the office. I swear i just layed a rotten egg... ugh and i planned on going out tonight... NEVER AGAIN FIBER ONE DAMN YOU !! Anonymous on Aug 28 2008, 15:49

STOP WITH YOUR PORN LINGO YOU F*CKING PERVERTED B*STARD TAKE THIS SH*T DOWN HOW DISGUSTING OF YOU F*CKING JEALOUS B*TCH Anonymous on Aug 29 2008, 15:52 ok. first she is just a woman. secondly she loved the whole celeb culture. thirdly, its been ten years now. who cares! she's prob only just reached her ideal weight. and she was unfaithful. some angel. Anonymous on Aug 30 2008, 21:22

Page 18 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I started to call Fiber One bars fart bars long before I came to this site. The first time I Google it, I find these hilarious stories; so I will share one of my own. I have been eating these bars on and off since they came out. My girlfriend really likes the taste so she always buys them. The only draw back, continuous and uncontrolled farting. I had the misfortune of eating two bars at work during a break. Two hours late, BOOM! A giant gas bubble formed in my stomach and the farts began. If I couldn't stealthly muffle the rumbling sounds with my chair, I had to run to the nearest stairwell to avoid total embarrassment. The smell was unbelievable, truly the devils work. If you have someone you really want to embarrass, pass them one of these. Anonymous on Sep 5 2008, 20:04

A very sad coincidence. I HAPPENED to buy Fiber One bars at the grocery store the very same week I HAPPENED to decide to try Yoga for the first time. Not good. Not good at all. Anonymous on Sep 10 2008, 15:59

Love the stories....I was on a x-country flight and brought a couple Fiber One bars on board to tide me over. The farts started about an hour into the flight and kept coming with a vengeance. Mind you, I was in a middle seat and was afraid to move in the event that the noxious cloud would send someone into shock. I could tell that the poor lady in the window seat next to me was suffering, but I carefully avoided eye contact. I have never felt more helpless and shameful all at once. Anonymous on Sep 10 2008, 19:05

Is it wrong to buy a box of fiber one bars...and use it as a booby trap at parties? Because I did...no one ate any yet but breakfast comes early...just wondering how well these bars will go over with a hang-over...should be interesting hearing about it later...yes I am evil...and yes it should make for a good story to tell. Anonymous on Sep 13 2008, 23:59

Yesssss! "Kashi + Gas" google search for the win!! I think in my case the addition of soy milk created a singularly powerful flatulence that was both frequent and noxiously malodorous. The slightest whisper of an SBD became a massive WMD for anyone within a ten-foot radius. Combine this with an especially long and crowded subway commute and you have some cranky (even by New York standards) commuters, not to mention probably another large hole in the ozone layer. My carbon footprint would have been smaller had I driven a coal-powered Hummer to work. Thanks Kashi! Anonymous on Sep 17 2008, 12:38

OMG! I have been laughing so hard my mascara is running. I literally could not stop for probably an entire minute (kind of like the farts) I, too, do not eat this stuff when I have to go to work or out anywhere anymore. In fact, since I live alone most of the time, sometimes I'll have it for dinner...and fart all night. Once, and this is the honest truth, I had those humongous farts that were so LOUD that my two cats, who were curled up and sleepingat the foot of the bed, were frightened. The fart not only was so loud it woke me up, it scared them awake, they jumped off the bed and would not come back...and I was laying in bed, laughing hysterically, nearly peeing in the bed on top of the noxious smell... The other Kashi's give you gas too, but nothing like this one...the Kashi Goodfriends is a good alternative....you can actually live a normal life after eating it! Anonymous on Sep 24 2008, 09:18 for 2 weeks my ass has been angry and i finally realized it was because of this garbage Anonymous on Sep 25 2008, 17:24

I don't understand what General Mills is doing to us. These things are so, so tasty. They really are. I could almost never bother with candy bars again. HOWEVER, the gas they produce is epic! I feel so bad for the girl who sits next to me at work. I've been polluting her workspace for almost a week now. She did take today off. Hmmm...It's like, I know that I'm gonna get gassy and smelly. But I can't resist because they taste so good and stave off my hunger. The only thing to do is a coffee enema chaser. Pop a FiberOne bar, get your gas started, and then have a cup of black coffee. Maybe it will speed up the elimination process for you like it does for me. Damn it, I smell so bad. Anonymous on Sep 26 2008, 14:29

To beef up the protein in Kashi GoLean, there is a fair amount of soy. It would be interesting to know if anyone has the same gaseous effects with soy. And, has anyone found a good high protein alternative to Kashi GoLean? Anonymous on Sep 27 2008, 15:06

I must agree, creating some holy saint out of this rich, spoiled person is quite irrational. Human behavior is so puzzling. This person jet-setted about with nary a care or a worry, spending England's wealth like a divorced royal (come to think of it, she was just another rich, snob, divorced English goddigger royal). Yet people worshiped her like she was a god (still do, the dopes). Anonymous on Oct 1 2008, 03:00

I ran across this site some time ago and laughed my ass off at the expense of everyone who has experienced fiber one bars. Then my dad came home today with a huge box of fiber one bars from Sams! I immediately laughed and told him how much they were going to make him fart and made sure to stay far away from the, still somehow appealing, treats. Hes in the medical field and read the ingredients and said the reason why it is making everyone fart so much is because one of the main ingredients is "chicory root extract", something he says is also used prominently in laxatives. Just thought you guys might want some insight into the gas mystery. ;} btw the last two letters of my capcha i have to solve for this comment are "P U" Anonymous on Oct 2 2008, 14:31

I do love these bars but they make me fart something a lot. I've decided to fart into fruit jars and seal them up and save them until I can figure out a way to use this gas to power my house or car

Page 19 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Oct 4 2008, 22:24

Here's the colon blow video someone mentioned... It sums up Kashi Go Lean Crunch! http://www.truveo.com/Saturday-Night-Live-Colon-Blow/id/1122956188 Anonymous on Oct 5 2008, 22:38

That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. You gave me an asthma attack at work and I had to go home for my inhaler. I started eating these a couple of weeks ago. The first night I woke myself (and my wife) up with an errant fart in the middle of the night. Last night I was up three times with the longest / loudest farts I have ever had. I ate two yesterday and one today before I read this...I am throwing the box away when I get home. Too bad too...cause they tasted sooo good. Anonymous on Oct 7 2008, 15:22

I think the chicory root (inulin?) in the cereal may be the culprit, so check your label if this happens with other products. Anonymous on Oct 7 2008, 19:36

This is alchemey 101 my friends. You have only scratched the surface. If you are ready to take it to the next level, if you are ready to meet your master, if you are Luke in need of Yoda, if you are the Karate Kid in need of a Pat Moriaty, if you are Rocky searching for your Adrian, than my friend come to me. I have been experimenting with Fiber One Bars and cereal for many years now. It's not just about volume and decibels, it's about the fragrance. It's about what we can do to other people's olfactory receptors. I have found, through diligent testing recording and analyazation of different fiberous combinations, that one is given the ability to actually infleunce others, to get them to do your biding. For instance, those that wish to titilate by sheer noise let me suggest starting the morning off with equal parts Fiber One cereal and Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal. Within 200 to 240 minutes you will produce what my Scottish apprectice called 'The Winds of the Moors'. For those of you seeking a night of amorous adventure and wish to be assured of success I suggest a half bowl (reduced intake gives user ability to regulate output) of FIber One with a quarter cup of blueberries, quarter cup of strawberries, and an almond Hershey Bar. Recommended consumption time 240 to 265 minutes before intended seduction of spouse or significant other. A Caveat if you will - this combination of aprhodisical ingredients must not be taken lightly. Intended Subject response is immediate and intense. It might be helpful if all Viagra users adjust doseage according to plan and if intending to use in public, be warned that you may be held responsible by the FBI (flatulent board of inquiry). A special recipe for those with an inclination towards arsony. Of course pure volume is essential so I recommend 2 cups of Fiber One, 2 cups of Go Lean Crunch, followed by 1 cup of baked beans mixed with quarter cup of jalpenos, and diced onions to suit. Bring to boil and consume 10 minutes after cereal intake. Here I must add my stongest caveat. 120 - 140 minutes after intake of ass fuel, it is essential that you use a petroleum product and coat the end of the firing muzzle. This will affect kick-back somewhat and have a silencer type effect on firearm discharge. For those of you that are not comfortable reducing firearm noise (you know the type of kid that used to run around the neighborhood making tommygun noises) you can take the chance and not use protection but I will not be held accountable to any damage done to muzzle end. Tearing or fraying of tissue is not uncommon!!! Please ignite ass-muzzle ten to fifteen feet from all combustionable material, do not I repeat, do not point ass-muzzle at others. Do not ignite in presence of younger children, kittens, puppies or fraternity brothers. Do not wear silk shirts, blouse, underware, or other flammable material. It would be wise to keep extinguisher at hand. For those that wish to take their farting to a new level, I offer you course on all levels of study. Get you Bachlors of Gastro Intestinal Disruption, or a Masters in Posterior Emissions, for those who wish for a Doctorate in Ass Alchemy, I will be accepting feces disertations. Yours, the Fandorf the Wizard. Anonymous on Oct 10 2008, 12:00

OMG thank you thank you thank you for this thread. I just Googled "kashi gives me gas" and found this. I'm so glad it's not just me. I just laughed to tears reading some of the above, and now my abdomen hurts from laughing PLUS the effects of Kashi. They should just call it Gashi. But "Happy Golden Farty Crunches" damn near broke me in half laughing. Anonymous on Oct 12 2008, 18:02 hahahahah thank god I stumbled across this page. I'm a college student, and last year i was living in a tiny box of a dorm room with my roommate. I tried Kashi GoLean Crunch, thinking it would be a healthy choice instead of the nasty cafeteria pastries. well well well. it was seriously a full-on workout for my ass muscles trying to hold these suckers in. my poor roommate. go ahead, try farting quietly in a girls community bathroom after a bowl of this stuff. see what happens. Anonymous on Oct 15 2008, 01:15 http://www.pe.com/politics/dearmond/stories/PE_News_Local_S_buck16.3d67d4a.html Anonymous on Oct 16 2008, 14:31

So I am a female and i've had this terrible gas for weeks now. I had no idea what was causing it and have never had gas this bad in my life. I am a hairstylist and would have to hold it in all day until I could get alone and let it all out. And it would literally last for like a minute! And like the others said, it's very very painful to hold in and makes your stomach swell like you're pregnant. My husband has joked about divorcing me! At first I thought it was the Monster energy drinks but I stopped those and the gas stayed. Today I seriously started thinking that me c-section I had a few months ago had somehow damaged my intestines or maybe I have cancer! Then I remembered that the only food that is new in my life and consistent everyday is Kashi Go Lean Crunch! So I googled Kashi and Gas and here I am! Thank you to whoever started this blog because you have saved my marriage. And yes I will be throwing out the kashi. Maybe Special K from now on? Anonymous on Oct 16 2008, 15:57

Unlike some of you, my gas problems don't start right away. No, after a big ol' bowl of Happy Golden Farty Crunches, mine start in the afternoon. As a school teacher, I can tell you that farting in front of a bunch of 8th grade boys is pretty bad. On the plus side, some

Page 20 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

times I can slip one out and the boys all start to blame each other. Little do they know.... Anonymous on Oct 16 2008, 18:48

This is so racist. Shows no class to American white folks. God forgive you! Anonymous on Oct 16 2008, 23:23

Whatever its satire and is supposed to be offensive I am sure. Have you looked at anything else on this page. Consider the source is all I will say about that. Now to use this image in a republican news letter... not a very good idea. If the person that did so did not know this would be seen as racist then i would say america has come along way in dispelling these stereotypes. By the way I dont see white america as the most racist group in america today. Way to go TK reactions are what your looking for and I think we can agree this has gotten reactions I never would have predicted. Oh yeah and GOD FORGIVE YOU ~giggle~ Anonymous on Oct 17 2008, 13:51

OK for one thing you can not buy KFC with food stamps...I have tried and failed. It is a prepared food so no go there...but the rest you can...ribs,Kool-aid, and watermelon are good as far as food stamps go. But as far as racist goes I am white as a sheet and I like all the foods on the Obama buck...go figure maybe it is "just food" after all but for real it is sad that people would rather focus on this rather than real issues such as world hunger and drug addiction. So hooray for dumb ass republicans drawing attention to themselves for being retarded. Honestly if you can not see the humor (or attempt at) here then obviously your at the wrong place. Go someplace safe like Web-kins or something. Personally I find it funny as hell! Keep up the good work TK...and watch out for the feds... Anonymous on Oct 17 2008, 21:09

I'm just glad that you didn't post anything with a rAtard on it. I have to defend this Diane Fedele though because when I see fried chicken, watermelons, ribs and some Kool-Aid I get so hungry I just have to quickly slap it on my newletter and head out the door to the local KFC to get me some! Anonymous on Oct 18 2008, 01:18 this is hilarious.. idc who you are its funny Anonymous on Oct 19 2008, 00:05 to elizabeth... you assume a white person made this up? what makes you think that.. every race makes fun of every race. a black person probably make this. Anonymous on Oct 19 2008, 00:11

For the back of it instead of the white house you should put an apartment projects.XD This so funny. Anonymous on Oct 19 2008, 16:33

I came to your blog as I was looking for a copy of the Obama buck to put in a powerpoint. As a social studies teacher of 25 years, I'm appalled at your treatment of this subject. I guess I'm one of those weepy-eyed liberals who think respect for others is important (what AM I thinking?), but I think your disrespectfulness speaks volumes of your belief system, as well as your ignorance, and I'm hoping and praying that your time is soon coming to an end. Good luck to you. Anonymous on Oct 19 2008, 22:13

Thanks for your comment, Since I am also a weepy-eyed liberal I would like you to know, that if you read the context in which this site was created, and the Original May post of the Obama bucks "Cartoon" i created, you could clearly see that this was originally created during the Primary "Social Services" debates and was intended to pray on what Republicans fear the most.... A black president in charge of the social services in this country. It was making fun of a small fringe of the right wing, and not at an African American running for president or racial stereotypes of foods. The fact that the satirical nature of the posts on my web site were taken out of context and used by "what I can only assume" was a woman who was racist or just plain stupid, should not encourage you to wish for my early demise. I agree, that without further investigation into the type of satire I enjoy, many of my posts appear not only far from Politically correct, but down right racist, sexist, and crude. I am going to the polls and voting for Obama. I am a democrat. I have two black brothers who "get it". Did you look at the nature of my website before wishing death upon me? I think you'll see it's very liberal-friendly and although you may not share the same sense of humor that my readers and I do, it was not created for to promote racism or sexism, it was created to expose the underbelly of our society that is not only truly racist or biggoted, but maintain a religous like ferver for anyone who is not like them. The fact that the Obama Bucks image was so disturbing to most is a great sign. Maybe we are getting somewhere with this society. TK Anonymous on Oct 19 2008, 22:48

Wow - THANK YOU for writing this explanation. That woman who lifted your image (WITHOUT permission from you, I might add) absolutely IS a complete moron. I love political satire and when I saw the image, that is how I interpreted it - making fun of the uber conservative idiots who know everything, live in terror of anyone in power who is not just like them, and who is (god forbid!!) socially liberal.

Page 21 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

For the record - I'm a White pro-choice, pro gay rights, Republican... and I'm voting for Obama. I'm sick and tired of my own party. They have been terrifying me for the past decade or so. Come to think of it, I voted for Gore last time. Maybe it's time to change my registration... I'm going to tell everyone I know about your article here. And frankly, I think you should talk with an attorney about misuse of this image you created. Diane Fedele is a f***** idiot. I can't thank you enough for this intelligent and well-written article. Fantastic. Anonymous on Oct 20 2008, 01:38

WOW a teacher even, at first I wondered what lesson you were going to teach with that image since you have missed the entire point of the article. My thoughts now move more toward the fact that you have been molding young minds for 25 years and and seem a bit proud to be praying for the death of another human being. This strikes me to be at the least very interesting. Oh by the way I don't think God grants wishes that involve the death of another of his children. I just spoke with God and boy is he upset with you Bob! Anonymous on Oct 20 2008, 14:17

Fuck anal retentive Bob! Your points are well noted TK. Bob appears to be so...anally charged he doesn't even take the time to notice your left column topics which clearly inform the nature of your intent. Over the top entertainment. Thank you. Say... Bob, you seem to harbor some sort of hyper-liberal anal complex, are you trying to tell 'us' that you're an anal busting bi-polar fag or what. Do you specialize in molesting children as well while you hide behind (pun...or bun intended) your do gooder than thou liberal holyness (not that kind of hole...Bob). One detail about you... Bob; you appear to be an extremely dangerous individual, possibly a serial murderer and your weapon of choice is "hoping and praying" your victims to death. I think you should be reported to the authorities...Bob. I tend to wonder how many unsolved murders caused by "hoping and praying" they're needing to solve. One item you did get right...Bob; what were you thinking? Probably something along the line of what a hypocrite asswipe you are would portend a clue. Lighten the crap up dope! Anonymous on Oct 20 2008, 16:47

I just wanted to let everyone know that the Bob above who made the comment replied to me personally after I explained myself. His response received early this morning is apologetic and sincere. I have attached it to this post with his personal information stripped out. -----Forwarded Message----- Oh MY! I owe you a huge apology. No sarcasm here. I owe you a huge apology. I only glanced at your website and the few comments and drew my conclusion based on about a fifteen-second perusal. I just practiced everything I teach against: jumping to conclusions without careful analysis. In fact, I may use my own hasty conclusion last night as an example for my students. I guess I'd fall into the category of those on the right who think Colbert is one of them (BTW, my daughter is editor at Domino magazine and she is good friends with a Colbert writer - they're the sharpest thing on tv right now). So... I'm embarrassed, but in that good way of being called out on something stupid. You know, the way Sarah Palin SHOULD be embarrassed. You have my full permission to pull my stupid-ass comment off your blog. And small thing. After re-reading I can see how this sounded, but I wasn't wishing for your DEATH; I was commenting that hopefully on Nov. 4 the days of this incredibly destructive regime and double-think will be over (at least for the present).

THANK YOU for taking your time to respond so thoroughly.

Bob Social Studies Department -----End Forwarded Message----- Anonymous on Oct 20 2008, 18:01

That is pure awesome. best laugh I've had since the last Palin news clip. Anonymous on Oct 20 2008, 19:24

Despite your intention at 'helping' or in using satire you are wrong. The fact that you were so easily able to tap into the mindset of a racist (since you don't consider yourself one) should bring you to ponder your prejudices. There was a poster on kos who did one such image with Michelle Obama in a red dress being brandished by hot irons with the Klan lurking around as an 'explanation' of the Republican use of the Southern Strategy. In evaluating your actions you must first ask if what you do can be easily misconstrued and two whether it causes harm. Well you see how someone was able to snap it right up. That women refuses to acknowledge her fear and prejudice and so do you when you dismiss critique of your actions. No Black person would ever do something this vile unless they were displaying their own internalized racism and would be immediately identified by other Blacks as an Uncle Tom, House Slave or worse a Slave Catcher. I will leave you to do the research. I will suggest you read up on Tim Wise who does a great job of explaining racism to white people. If you are a person of color I pity you. At best your attempt only exemplifies the need to understand white male supremacy and systematic racism. Despite what you think you have NOT distanced yourself from it. You embrace it. You'd like to think of yourself as a good person above it all, but you are right in the muck of it, much like those 'good' white people who fought for Civil Rights until it came time to have a Black neighbor or their kid wanted to date a non-white person and they found (to their surprise) how much they didn't like it.

Page 22 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I hope you take this to heart and examine yours. Anonymous on Oct 20 2008, 20:13 see what happens when u jump 2 conclusions? i guess u have 2 read the post b4 making up a conclusion Anonymous on Oct 20 2008, 20:35

Thank you for your comments. Some people will never appreciate satire, and that's ok. There are websites like www.marthastewart.com that people like you and my mother can get Fall decorating tips and recipe ideas. I understand it is not for everyone. You have made so many conclusions and inferred so many things about who I am and what my motives are. I think it is people like you that will only allow the race conversation to go so far. I think you are a bigger threat to racial harmony than someone like me pointing out the flaws in it. If we were able to laugh at ourselves more and stop taking everything so seriously, maybe we could start to actually fix some of these problems? Faith, if you get pulled over for speeding, it's probably not because you're black. If you get passed up for a promotion at work, it is probably not because your coworker is white. And by the way, the well known Tim Wise has some very strange and dangerous ideas about race which you seem to parrot. He may be white, and he may be a racial activist, but there is a large segment of this society that thinks Tim Wise is ...well... Not so wise. Readers do your own research. Anonymous on Oct 20 2008, 22:01

TK, Today in my english class, my professor gave our class this picture, and i tell, i have never been so angry and shocked in my life that a picture like this is floating out there. This picture has bothered me all day, so when i got back to my room tonight, i figured i would do my research and find out if it is as offensive as it seemed the first time i saw it. I have read over your article covering the image and the comments of peoples reactions, and at the end of the day, i can honestly tell you, i am still offended. It's not about what you meant by it, but the reactions and feelings that people will get when they see it. I know for a fact that the majority of African Americans that see this, are like myself, still going to be offended- satire or not. So, for the record, this is one piece of satire that is not at all funny to me. and i assure you that i am still just as much offended as i was when i saw it. Anonymous on Oct 21 2008, 00:02

The promoting of Political Correctness, even the LEFT gets confused with their own ideology! TOO FUNNY! Anonymous on Oct 21 2008, 02:34

The pushing of Political Correctness has even the LEFT confused with their own ideology! TOO FUNNY! Anonymous on Oct 21 2008, 02:54

Satire ?noun 1.the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc. 2.a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule. 3.a literary genre comprising such compositions.

After both reading the Press Enterprise article "Blogger claims creating 'Obama Bucks,' says cartoon was meant as satire, not racism" http://www.pe.com/localnews/inland/stories/PE_News_Local_S_obamabucks21.448d595.html?npc, and understanding the meaning of satire, which I included to help educate those of us that is unclear of the subject, I understand your intention of the cartoon. Racism is an inflammatory topic, and needs to be handled with care. Unfortunately, the image is a hateful/hurtful image by itself. It was used in a demeaning manner where satire was the furthest from the user's (Chaffey Community Republican Women) mind. Hopefully in the future such attempts at satire can be more constructive to provoke meaningful thought and conversation on this social issue. Anonymous on Oct 21 2008, 04:55

Satire? You sir, have a problem. All the great bigots: Stern, Imus, Mendoza use the term "satire" as a shield for their tasteless jokes. Mark Twain used satire, and you are no Mark Twain. Anonymous on Oct 21 2008, 11:18

That's right folks, run and hide from the evil nasty picture. The picture lives under your bed like the clown doll in Poltergeist, and it's just waiting for a chance to choke you out in your sleep. And rape your blonde little sister in the next bed. TK: Keep rockin this stuff. If people can't deal, they need to look at their own damaged minds. This picture flushed a bird out of the bush in the name of Ms. Fedele. THIS IS HOW THESE PEOPLE THINK, FOLKS. WAKE UP AND UNDERSTAND THAT.

Page 23 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

TK is showing you where the land mines are. Don't fault the guy for that. Anonymous on Oct 21 2008, 13:45

This is too much! I have been having gas issues the past couple of days, and I was blaming the onion and peppers that I had on my pork chops (once two nights ago, and leftovers again last night). It didn't dawn on me until this morning that I also started the Kashi GoLean Crunch yesterday. And like so many others, a Google search verified the results! I worried about breaking my teeth on the stuff, but it was good enough to keep eating (albeit carefully). Now I also have to worry about "the other end." LOL! Thanks for the post...I feel MUCH better now! Anonymous on Oct 21 2008, 14:34

I believe this depiction is based on the story behind it. When I saw this on LA Times website, stating that a white women which was republican put this in their newletter, I was appalled. I believe this was because she put, "this is the only bill he will ever be on," or something to that extent. Regardless of how you write it off, it's not acceptable. Anonymous on Oct 21 2008, 18:55

Congratulations. You've given the right wingers just the excuse they needed to claim that it's actually LIBERALS who are racist. FOX news will just eat this up. As Kurt Vonnegut said in "Mother Night", be careful what you pretend to be, because you ARE what you pretend to be. Anonymous on Oct 21 2008, 20:47

Stop using satire to justify racism...Yes, YOU! You are racist...Get it together. Enough of the stupidity and ignorance people. Another thing, I would rather you and all the other racists out there just admit that you are and freely express your racist mentality instead of masking hatred with a veil of innocence. Be who you are. Trust me, you'll be a lot happier. One thing I'm sick of: White racists: "I'm not a racist." Just because you don't ride around on a horse with a white hood on your head at night does NOT MEAN YOU ARE NOT A RACIST! What were you thinking? Really? Be honest!! You thought, hey those are random foods that I'm just going to put together with the image of a black man, and not just any black man, but one WHO HAPPENS TO BE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT...No, let me tell you what you thought...You thought..."Hey look at that monkey running for president. All niggers do is eat chicken and watermelon and sit around on their porches...Let me disrespect this man by making up a horrible image of him, because I can't stand the fact that a black man is running for president and is more appropriate for the job than his white counterpart." That hurts your feelings doesn't it? You feel threatened? This black man could be president, and you feel left out? Let me tell you what hurts my feelings... I see an image of my ancestors hanging from trees by thick, bloody ropes. I see images like these in my HISTORY textbooks describing the kind of racist atmosphere in the lynching era. This reminds me of the images Nazis would post of Jews. AND THIS IS 2008!!!!! You are like a child to me, because this is how you feel powerful...You are like a elementary bully. I feel so sorry for you... GOD FORGIVE YOU, because I KNOW I CAN'T! Anonymous on Oct 21 2008, 22:34

I've think I've clarified in my posts that I am voting for Obama and have been an Obama supporter for a long time. I think I have also made it clear that I have a strong level of black heritage in my family. What makes you think I am even the slightest bit white? And no, you don't hurt my feelings. I understand your ignorance and arrogance perfectly well. You are missing the entire point, my friend. May God forgive you... (oh and I will too) Anonymous on Oct 21 2008, 22:50

Listen whoever you are-we don't pathetic liberals demeaning us and then telling us it was all in good fun and to make a point. Here's a point-you are a racist....period. I am a Black woman and wouldn't vote for Obama if I was on fire and he had the only fire extinguisher! But you were clearly trying to demean Black folks with your so called satire. You see this is why I can't stand a liberal. They are the racist ones! They are the ones trying to keep Black people down! They are the enemy of minorities everywhere and then they have the audacity to sit there and blast Republicans for being racist. I have been Republican for four years now (before that I was a brainwashed Democrat!) and I have never experienced racism from people in my party. And one more thing don't think just because you might be Black (you said you have a strong level of Black heritage...whatever that means! You are either Black or not! You can't have a "strong level" of Blackness! That is just retarded!) that you can't be racist against Blacks. No one is more racist against us than our own people! It is called self-hatred-get some help and stop trying to pawn it off as some kind of enlightened humor. It is not. It is degrading and I can care less if you disrespect Obama all day long but you will not disrespect my people! Anonymous on Oct 22 2008, 02:07

Not classic as the New Yorker's priceless Obama cover, but in the same vein, and even more misapprehended. So, congratulations, and thanks. Satire knows few greater triumphs than adoption by its target. Fascists, Natzis, and Communists have done the same to their opponents. The Catholic Church republished at least one of Daniel Defoes' satires of itself, to his delight. Today's Republicans perform absurdity without noticing, and adopt it without thinking. Many times since the absurd appointment of Bush, we have seen the death of irony, satire, humor, wit, sarcasm... Jon Stewart described his work as recognizing the absurd, and making it funny. SNL takes whole paragraphs directly from the desperately meandering babble of Sarah Palin, who speaks for a secessionist party, presents her followers as patriotic, believes in witchcraft, but not evolution... which is not funny to Republicans. Fixed a couple of sentences for you: "... unrealistic fears and agenda of racism that a CORE element of Republicans strongly embrace."

Page 24 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

"... that an image taken from this website was used in a legitimate publication to promote the Conservative agenda must be proof of existing racism AND utter stupidity." You can expect a few liberal critics, and more fakes; you can usually tell the difference. If "Dena Leichnitz" is another Republican white guy in drag, that's disturbing, and he's absurd; if Dena Leichnitz" were a black woman? That's just sad. Anonymous on Oct 22 2008, 06:21

This time, everyone has to get it. Anonymous on Oct 22 2008, 06:25

Oh gosh this post has some hysterical comments. This stuff should be called Kashi Go Lean In The Other Direction, because what you read here is true. The noxious, pervasive, gag-inducing flatulence produced from this cereal is mind and nose boggling. If you want to be guaranteed some ammo to dutch oven your significant other with, have this as a late night snack and just wait for it to work it's magic. Wholly satisfying. Anonymous on Nov 15 2008, 21:46 it's quite bold to say that image is "social commentary" not racial hatred. so, in your expert commentary of society, such ridiculous stereotypes of black people such as loving fried chicken, watermelon, pork and kool-aid is not racist?!?! give me a break. i'm sure you're not a coward who hides behind a sheet or some shaven headed online hate monger with a mural of hitler by your bed, and this was most likely just a "this is funny" kind of thing...but it is NOT social commentary. when you try and call it that, you're sounding like a stupid racist. just bite the bullet and say "i thought it was funny, sorry some nutjobs used it as propaganda and it got out of proportion". goodness. be a man. Anonymous on Nov 16 2008, 20:19

Oh, HAHAHAHAHA!! I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! I typed in "will Kashi Go Lean give me gas" and came upon this site. I had an idea that all the fiber in the cereal was the culprit, but I wanted to check out whether others were experiencing the same effects as me. To top it off, I eat the stuff with ground flax. Wow. I was shopping in a department store last night and had to run the other way after one escaped. The poor woman who walked into it had the worst look on her face. Too funny... Anonymous on Nov 17 2008, 12:42

This is hysterical. I am so glad I found this thread. I thought at first it was the Italian I would sometimes eat at lunch. I figured out quickly that it didn't matter what I ate for lunch, the copious amounts of air would still come, only Italian makes it worse. I can eat kashi at 6am and will be fine all day. The moment something else hit my stomach some sort of nuclear reaction happens and all afternoon it's non stop Evinrude. One good thing I can say is, if you've evacuated your colon early, the gas seems to not be odiferous. Kashi Go Lean is the best ever! Anonymous on Nov 17 2008, 14:52 well we must all be sickos to have found this page mustn't we? she was ace. I just wanted to c if anyone was sick enough to have done something like this. Clearly they have. Doesn't make me feel too good about the human race. See you all in hell fuckers (that goes out to the nasty bastards, you know who you are((darignac)) Diana was fab Anonymous on Nov 17 2008, 16:47

OMG...this is the funniest 'shit' I have ever read...I am crying of laughter, and only because it is soooooooo true!!! ha ha ha ha ha Like some others, the Kashi gas doesn't affect me until the afternoon. I feel sorry for the poor bastards on the subway....especially if they are sitting, and i am standing.... Anonymous on Nov 19 2008, 09:42

Recent studies are very promising. Methane production and subsequent BTU levels have indicated that if half the American population eats GoLean, we can reduce our dependance on natural gas 56%. We just need to coordinate the most effective time of day, plug in, and let em rip. Anonymous on Nov 19 2008, 13:07 hahahaha...thanks for that! perfect! all these people with no lives admiring some boorish, photo op loving, money grubbing diva...get over it!! so many others to admire in the world and you pick her..why? yeah, guess i'm a nasty bastard...but you all are losers..haha Anonymous on Nov 25 2008, 21:00

Please people..get a grip! i'm a total liberal, but jeez man...we need some levity. you know this crap is out there and tk is just pointing out the obvious. do any of you really pay attention, are you watching grit tv, fstv, link tv...reading alternet, common dreams etc... no, you're watching desperate housewives and the like ...and then calling yourselves 'aware' cause you complain about satire. ugh..get over it Anonymous on Nov 25 2008, 21:20

I have known the after-effects of eating Fiber One bars (a true weapon of a** destruction) for some time. My wife introduced me to these and not long after we began to notice that there was a gas cloud rising from her underwear after each bar. Not to be outdone, I started eating them as well and soon I could compete with her on a toot-for-toot basis. My boss eats these and we have discussed their interesting effects many times. Earlier this week my Department had our annual Thanksgiving Luncheon Pot-Luck. I purchased two boxes of the Oat and Almond bars. I took each bar out of its package and broke them into quarters. I then rolled them into balls and sprinkled them with mini-butterscotch kisses and then set them out on decorative holiday plates. Our luncheon went very well and after we finished about half of us went into closed-door budget meetings. About two hours later people were starting to run in and out of the conference room every few minutes. After a while everyone gave up and just endured the smell, in order to complete the job. I found out later that two other people went to a CPR class conducted by Safety. A couple of people figured out what had

Page 25 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

happened and gave me hell about it but most didn't have a clue. Several people have asked me for the recipe. I guess I should feel guilty but I don't. My wife wonders how I could be 49 years old and still think this was funny. Personally, I will laugh about this until I die. If people figure out what happened that day may be soon. Anonymous on Nov 26 2008, 14:26 oh my god that was the funniest thing I have ever read. Is that real? And were all the people commenting serious? ahhahahah Anonymous on Dec 10 2008, 01:07

It was so cruel how this bar gave me the most agonizing stomach ache at work today. I couldn't leave my desk because I was in the middle of an online conference. It hurt so bad that I wanted to cry because I was too embarressed to relieve myself. Anonymous on Dec 11 2008, 22:16

I just put a wrapped bar in each person's Christmas stocking... This should be fun. Anonymous on Dec 12 2008, 08:13 this is probably my favourite blog entry ever. Anonymous on Dec 17 2008, 04:02

I've never had the cereal but tried the frozen Kashi meal last night. OMG like 30min later my stomach ached then I had to do two bathrrom trips as the night went on. I woke today with a sour stomach and excessive belching. Kashi markets itself healthy food but I disagree. I've talked to others that have the same results eating Kashi brand. It's not a shock to my system cause I eat very well regularly. Never eating anything Kashi again! Anonymous on Dec 19 2008, 08:37

I googled Go lean and gas to find a link between the two a while ago and only found a couple of people that did indeed have experienced what I was going through and my sister and her husband got me a box yesterday and i warned them,they laughed,then they were disgusted,so I looked it up again and found that more of us are coming together to fight this!How does it keep coming and coming,and the smell and sounds and everything in the house stinks,there is nowhere to go to fart sometimes and it hurts to bad to hold it in. Anonymous on Dec 19 2008, 14:07

It's not just the Go Lean crunch..my husband and I ate 2 of the Kashi chocolate chip cookies each, and about 2 hours later, we were both crippled with the worst gas we've ever had in our lives. His was so bad, he had to leave a play we were watching to go stand at the back because he could not control them and ha to keep running to the bathroom. I sat there and suffered in silence, constantly squeezing to make sure nothing escaped. At one point, I nearly had a panic attack because I had to bust ass so bad, but I was stuck in the middle of the row. Sweet, sweet relief was finally mine during intermission, but I had to flush the toilet 3 times so no one would hear! We'll never eat these again! Anonymous on Dec 21 2008, 11:44 these bars looked so tasty in my work vending machine. i'm paying now. i feel like dying. Anonymous on Dec 29 2008, 17:56 this has got to be the funniest thing i have read in a long time, i burst into tears on multiple occasions reading these hilarious stories. wow. i am not the only one, thank goodness. i don't eat the kashi crunch anymore either because of the terrrrrrrrible gas, i finally figured it out too several months ago. the pain was seriously intense. i (warily) just started trying the high-fiber, high-protein kind, and it's better--no gas really, just a lot of stomach churning. but man, the WORST always happened while i was working out. i used to play softball, and we'd have to do some running, and i could just FEEL that pressure, you know, the not-so-good pressure of an oncoming ass-rip, and i'd be like "oh god no..." and we'd run and i'd get the "brft-brft-brft"...even though i was trying so hard to keep it in the gas would still escape in little bursts... luckily i played the outfield though, so i could drop big bombs without other people hearing or smelling them... who knows, maybe the grass wilted over there for a reason... Anonymous on Jan 2 2009, 16:45

AMBIENOUTRAGE.COM My name is Devin and my penis is really really small. I blame everyone else for my problems and have deep pockets. After sleep driving and crashing on Ambien, I was given a DUI. I've started an Ambien victims database which is totally lame because every drug has side effects and it is not a plot or conspiracy by the drug companies to have me arrested for DUI. If you've been injured in any way by Ambien or would like to join my Devin has a tiny penis club please contact me: 435-668-7050 or [email protected], or go to the website www.ambienoutrage.com. Also a really nice photo of my blog spamming ass can be viewed at http://www.planetclimax.com/pics/freesites/teen-gay-sex-89-24.jpg -Cheers! Devin Anonymous on Jan 3 2009, 06:19

It's so comforting to know that I am not alone.

Page 26 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

These bars have made me fart so loud that my cats jumped up in fright, looked at each other a me in disbelief, and high-tailed it out of the room. One time on a business trip, I ate one in a hotel room and I swear to God I let one rip that created such tremendous reverberations that I'm sure it was heard and felt all up and down the hall and in rooms nearby. I have actually awakened my own self with blasts that have happened in my sleep. What the hell are they putting in these bars? On the bright side, there is a medicinal purpose for these bars... my best friend brought me some while I was recovering in the hospital after having had surgery. In case you don't know, when you have major surgery your whole system slows down and they won't put you back onto food until you pass gas. Well, based on our past experience, we both knew that these bars could be depended on to get that job done fast. I would have been laughing so hard if it didn't hurt so much. The nurses on the surgical floor vowed to keep some around in case others needed help. I happily donated the rest of my box. They are so delicious... but I have sworn off them for the good of the rest of mankind. Anonymous on Jan 3 2009, 23:48

Wow! Here I thought it was just me. I ate a big bowl of Kash Go Lean Crunch last Saturday morning and spent half the day in the bathroom! Serious gas pains. I can't believe there is no warning on the box. I was in a lot of pain. Anonymous on Jan 5 2009, 12:54

Complete friggin retards. At least christianity is based on multiple accounts, but this is completely mormonic, i mean moronic. This dude Smith finds these gold plates only he can read (Clue 1 that he's a con). Then, God says "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife, so stock up on ones own before thy wife section at thy supermarket runeth out." Clearly, this guy couldn't get a date, so this was a massive attempt to stock up on all of the dumb woman he could find at one time. Freaks. BTW, this is considered a CULT and not officially recognized as a religion by the Catholic or Christian community. The reason = no factual truth behind their doctrine. One mans word is equal to an opinion (Joseph Smith) and warrants a dictatorship or a cult. Hence Waco, TX. Anonymous on Jan 7 2009, 14:04

As tragic as her death is to some people she can suck my balls Anonymous on Jan 7 2009, 19:33

Boo hoo, shes dead its been something like 10 years veryone needs to get over it Anonymous on Jan 7 2009, 19:34

Good work son! Bring one of those sons a bitches home for your mother will ya? I think she's got a god damn rendering plant in her panties. Anonymous on Jan 7 2009, 20:48

I had been trying to peg what to call this stuff . . . I'd been weighing Kashi Go-Lots Crunch and had also thought about adopting the SNL skit moniker of "Colon Blow," but I think that "Happy Golden Farty Crunches" is the best. There - vote cast. Maybe we should send a renaming petition to Kashi (?) It's true that Kashi is a gas generator on its own. But I think it is acutally most prodigious when combined with other foods - - kind of like a catalyst. I'll have my morning bowl of deliciousness and the rumbling will usually start by late morning. By lunch, it's on full-steam (pun intended). But when I throw some lunch on top of it all - LOOK OUT. All hell breaks loose. (Or, more accurately, all ass breaks loose.) By one or two o'clock it's, frankly, just amazing. The shear volume (the space not the noise) is unbelieveable. (Come to think of it, the noise is pretty bad too.) And it lasts for hours. I've come to realize that smell is dependent on what food you combine it with. Sometimes it's virtually orderless air. Other times it's grinch-like foulness. - Which again points to Kashi as the ultimate ass-catalyst. God help anyone who ever combines Kashi and broccoli. Anonymous on Jan 12 2009, 08:15

These stories are extremely humorous. Have not tried these and because of what I've read - I won't!! For those of you who wish to continue eating these, here's an idea - why not take some anti-fart pills, such as Beano (may have to ingest the whole bottle), at the same time you consume a Fiber One bar?? Maybe that will offer relief!! Anonymous on Jan 12 2009, 14:28

9 Am this morning my sister ate a delicious Carmel and Oats Fiber One bar, and 2 hours post ingestion we began to notice a very consistent stench within her vicinity. Once we acknowledged that she was the culprit of the horrific stench, she was not afraid to hold back. She was shameless in claiming the many loud farts. I heard the word "safety" over 100 times while we were sitting on our shared bed (which i am not sleeping in tonight). She felt the smell lingering around her all day and she showered twice in a four hour period. Upon arriving to work she texted me saying... "omg i just had the worst diarrhea. i am suing the Fiber One company. i shit you not (no pun intended)." We were all very curious off the updates over the course of today. We made sure to inform the entire family about her reoccurring flatulence. My mom diagnosed her with some far-fetched stomach disease, but after introducing her to the real truth (this website), she is well aware of their effects and will not be tempted to indulge in them before any social interaction.... We are still awaiting her return home, and we think this may prevent her from a very uncomfortable school experience tomorrow. Thank you all for sharing all your encounters with these deliciously deadly treats.... ill admit i couldn't breathe i was laughing so hard. Anonymous on Jan 12 2009, 21:05

9 Am this morning my sister ate a delicious Carmel and Oats Fiber One bar, and 2 hours post ingestion we began to notice a very consistent stench within her vicinity. Once we acknowledged that she was the culprit of the horrific stench, she was not afraid to hold back. She was shameless in claiming the many loud farts. I heard the word "safety" over 100 times while we were sitting on our shared bed (which i am not sleeping in tonight). She felt the smell lingering around her all day and she showered twice in a four hour

Page 27 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

period. Upon arriving to work she texted me saying... "omg i just had the worst diarrhea. i am suing the Fiber One company. i shit you not (no pun intended)." We were all very curious off teh updates over teh course of today. We made sure to inform teh entire family about her reoccurring flatulence. My mom diagnosed her with some far-fetched stomach disease but after introducing her to the real truth (this website), she is well aware of their effects and will not be tempted to indulge in them before any social interaction.... We are awaiting her return currently, but We foresee her not attending school tomorrow to prevent any very unfortunate and devastating situations. Thank you all for your comments. I very much enjoyed laughing to teh point of tears. Anonymous on Jan 12 2009, 21:15

Holy shit (literally), I wish I would of come across this site before downing 2 of these bars for breakfast. On the bright (but mush smellier) side, with the help of a portable wind turbine to strapped to the seat of my chair I'm able produce some "green energy" for the entire office with pungent, warm "Santa-Ana" like winds flowing out of my hairy canyon... Anonymous on Jan 14 2009, 18:27

I am crying right here at work! You guys are so funny. I was looking for some idea of how to relieve myself of the pain and embarassment when I came across your info. Unfortunately I just bought TWO boxes of 15 (on sale). I will not be eating another one. Anyone interested? Anonymous on Jan 15 2009, 18:30

Ate this cereal for the third time today, and good lord. Yesterday I went to the gym and had to end my run on the treadmill very early because I couldn't take the pain anymore. Then today I found this site and I've been laughing to tears reading all the comments, one after another. You know, the company has a website and you can actually comment on it. There are no gas commenst that I could find. Don't know if it's because no one has had the guts on or because they filter them out, but there's one way to find out. I'm going to post a warning comment and see if they let it stay up. Everybody should go there and deluge them with fart comments. But use "tasteful" language so they have no excuse to delete it. http://www.kashi.com/products/golean_crunch_honey_almond_flax Good luck, and may the gas be with you. Anonymous on Jan 18 2009, 22:39

OMG, who will be even interested in Abortion, only for the sick and reckless and nonchalant. Anonymous on Jan 18 2009, 23:52

I laughed to hard reading this that I fainted.... Several times, am heading to the hospital now because I can't laughing and fainting. Exploding farts means that Kashi Stinks and the made (pardon the pun), SHIT products that marketed using shallow imagery. PS could be the inulin and other indigestible starches the put in the crap they market as food (the methane & hydrogen producing bacteria in your intestines [anaerobes] love the indigestible starch and produce huge amounts of these explosive landfill gases; bring a literal meaning to the term explosive fart ) P.S. don't light any matches near your ass after eating Kashi, afterall methane and hydrogen are explosive. Oh.. looks like the ambulance is here, see yah later! Anonymous on Jan 19 2009, 22:39

Yay Google. I typed "gas from fiber" and it populated the search bar with "gas from fiber one bars." DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, WHAT IS IN THESE THINGS???? It is positively inhuman! All kidding aside, I wonder if there is something in these bars that is very unhealthy. I eat a lot of fiber, and I do not have gas like this. EVER. IN MY LIFE. No. Never. NOT EVEN CLOSE. Even in times during my life when I have been sick I have never passed gas like this! I am not going to eat these things anymore. They can't be good for me! Anonymous on Jan 21 2009, 15:36

I ate a bar last night, and a bar this morning with breakfast. Then I went to the gym. Much to the dismay of my fellow patrons, I ran 6 miles on the treadmill, and then left, bowing my head in shame. Tomorrow I shall return with individual handwritten apologies to all the regulars. Anonymous on Jan 22 2009, 15:38

Wow. I have been thinking for a YEAR now that I am milk-intolerant. I tried yogurt and dairy free stuff to no avail. Every single day, about 4 hours after eating my kashi (my FAVORITE) the pain in my abdomen intolerable. Then the gas. I really thought there perhaps I had some sort of intestinal blockage and was about to make a doc appointment. Then I thought, doubtful....but maybe it's the Kashi, googled "gas after eating kashi" and found this. Wow. Never again will I touch Kashi cereal. Thanks to everyone on here! I feel like you've saved my life! (okay, helped me out a lot) Anonymous on Jan 23 2009, 09:08

I am experience agonizing Fiber One pains as we speak. I work in a very small office and have had to rip ass so many times just to keep my bellow from imploding. But there so tasty..... Anonymous on Jan 23 2009, 15:53

Page 28 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

OK...in case you don't believe it, these bars are truly EVIL!!! I saw them in the grocery store and decided to try them. They were so good that I ate 2 more that day. About 3 hours later, I started to fart...not poots, but honest-to-goodness FARTS. You know...hot, wet, and so smelly that you have to get up and leave, which just ensures that you end up crop dusting the entire area that you walk in. Seriously, this is no joke. If you try them you'll either love the results (if you are a psychopath) or you will agree with me...a class action suit is in order. I got a phone call today - it was my ass telling me to please stop eating these things. I'm sure it will take weeks to get the smell out of my colon. It makes me sad, but at the same time impressed. As has been said before, remember, "The first rule of FART club is...you don't talk about FART club!" You stay gassy, San Diego! Anonymous on Jan 24 2009, 01:06

I have just finished mah bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch. Oh, this is hillariously relieving. I've eaten it for the past five days as an afternoon snack and GOOD GOD have my evenings been painful...I swear I bloat four inches. The gas and farts ARE explosive indeed. I seriously was panicing....It honnestly feels like being pregnant. I thought I was going to have to make an appointment at the abortion clinic again.....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Anonymous on Jan 24 2009, 14:28

Aha, I am glad i found this support group. I, too, have been victimized by these deadly bars. the thing is they are so good! Now, it's worse cause, i knowingly eat them despite the expected outcome. it just goes to show how evil these bars really are. anyways, after being forced in my methane gas bubble for a couple of hours, as a good engineering student, I asked: why not reuse this energy? there is a lot of methane in our farts and methane is useful for a ton of things so why not "sequester" the gas and use it to something else than giving us headaches and family drama? if you look for "fart into energy" in youtube, you'll see it's possible to generate enough energy to turn a small engine and fan. so as fart #1 generates energy to to turn the engine, sequential fart # 2 (that one you'd thought would take longer to arrive) will be blown away! the problem is sequestering these farts would be such a hassle given their frequency. i guess a hose connected directly would solve the problem. not very comfortable, i would imagine. anymore ideas? Anonymous on Jan 24 2009, 16:01

I've tried Fiber One bars, and yes, they are yummy and will give you gas. But nothing, I stress, NOTHING has given me the chronic gas I've experienced tonight after consuming a whole jar of Smucker's sugar free fudge sauce. The stench and frequency of farts PALES BY COMPARISON!!!! The cause - sugar alcohols!!! The smell is absolutely deadly and I'm farting every 2 minutes, no kidding. I sound like a machine gun and smell like a hog confinement. Good thing I live alone or I'd be kicked out of my own house and forced to sleep in the garage. So my friends, this a warning - please avoid anything containing more than 6 grams of sugar alcohols or you (and those around you) will pay the price. I need a gas mask and I'm on the verge of puking from the smell of my own farts!! I'm laughing out loud reading some of these stories - it's a good thing we have a sense of humor!! Anonymous on Jan 25 2009, 01:26

Yours is one of the most informative personal blogs I've ever come across! 'Abortion rewards' definitely make teens be more aware of their personal choices when it comes to sex and kids, even if ppl don't want them. Anonymous on Jan 26 2009, 09:44

OMG, my wife is threatening to divorce me if I don't stop farting. We started weight watchers and eating Fiber One bars. I love the taste of them, they're low in points but make me fart like crazy. My farts smell so bad she has to sleep with vics vapor rub on her nose and even that isn't cutting it anymore. I can't even stand to smell them myself, usually not a problem. Too funny. Anonymous on Jan 27 2009, 19:02

I eat these bars and have no problems...no more farts than normal for me. My wife on the other hand, LOOK OUT! She literally woke herself up from farting. I really thought she was crazy until I came across this site. She thinks its the chicory root extract...with it being the first ingredient listed, it has this ingredient the most. Glad to see she isn't crazy. Anonymous on Jan 27 2009, 22:06

Been there, done that! I love the taste of Kashi GoLean Crunch and how much protein it's got to keep ya full. I accidentally left my cereal sitting for too long and ate semi-soggy GoLean Crunch. But, the pregnant belly, gas pains, and explosive farts were gone! Just let the rock hard cereal sit for 10 mins (yes, it takes that long to soften up) and say goodbye to the gassy days. Anonymous on Jan 28 2009, 20:17 well this started when my poor child had a bowl of this cereal a few days ago and was gassing my husband and I out of every room in

Page 29 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

the house...poor thing lol She said that whole day at school she was blaming the smell on other people hahahhaa .....and I thought it must have been something she ate but I couldn't narrow it down because she hadn't eaten anything out of the norm or anything "I thought" would cause this....THEN last night for my late night snack I thought I'd try a bowl of this cereal since it was supposed to be so good for you and all...... I woke up this morning feeling my daughter's pain, literally!!! It only took me a minute to figure out what the culprit probably was....thank you very much for verifying my suspicions!! The cereal is now in the garbage where it belongs.... Anonymous on Jan 28 2009, 20:42 hmm... True, i support your cause.. but i do know its written in a sarcastic manner : Anonymous on Jan 30 2009, 04:48 oh my god my mom bought a box of 30 at costco and i ate 6 the first day because i was hungry and was scared of dying in my sleep from my intestines splitting. I have grown smarter now and space them out to a bar a day. Anonymous on Feb 1 2009, 16:46 i just had a fiber one bar. i have three roommates and our windows will be closed. tonight will be epicccccc. letz go Anonymous on Feb 3 2009, 00:08

These fiber one bars haven quite possibly made me experience the most horrendous and frightening gas I have ever experienced. Not a novice to farting, I was very surprised with the effect of the bars. After eating one as a night time snack and cuddling into bed to read, I soon discovered a horrific stench seeping underneath the comforter. My first instinct was to tuck the blanket tighter around me, however this did nothing to contain the smell. My roommate, whose bunk is right beneath mine, was assaulted by a wave of this horrible smell about every 2 min. Although I apologized profusely, it did nothing to make up for the gas chamber that had now become our room. I'm surprised she didn't die of asphyxiation in her sleep. Never again will I indulge in another fiber one bar, they are far too dangerous! Anonymous on Feb 3 2009, 00:13

I too, have had the embarrassing experience of what is known around this home as the "Kashi" farts. NOTHING compares to the farts you get when you eat this cereal. If I eat something like brocolli, I have gas, but I can usually hide the fact. When I eat this cereal, it's like a WHOLE different experience. It doesn't do to much until I eat something else a few hours later. Almost immediately after cosuming a later meal, it starts up! If I retire to bed early and my husband comes to bed later, he can't even hardly open the door without it all hitting him in the face full force! My daughter can smell it oozing from underneath the door and down the hallway. It's very embarrassing for her when she has her boyfriend over to watch a movie. I really like this cereal and try to enjoy it when I know I will be home alone. It never fails though that someone will pop over when that "Kashi" farts are in effect! Anonymous on Feb 6 2009, 11:34 i googled fiber one bar farts and was 'relieved' to find this page. im so glad it isnt just me thats plagued by fiber one farts. my boyfriend hasnt even let me sleep at his house because my gas had been wakin him up repeatedly. he told me its either the fiber one bars or he's leavin me... boy im goin to miss him Anonymous on Feb 9 2009, 14:07

Holly F*&T!!! This stuff is deadly!!! I can't believe Kashi can seriously be selling this stuff after such detailed analysis and 1st hand confirmation of such horrific and explosive flatulence! I mean 'Cmon Kashi, where is the warning on the box?? Methane gas is poisonous in large quantities...kind of like carbon monoxide...what if I had a small child?!! On the other hand, I'm thinking of canceling my subscription to the local gas company and sticking a tube from my ass to my furnace...tough economic times call for creative and desperate measures...Kashi, seriously, what the hell are your people in quality control doing??? Perhaps there is some untapped potential for this product beyond self degradation and getting an unwanted roommate to voluntarily move out..."fart" Anonymous on Feb 9 2009, 16:48

Well well well: lookie here! Who would've/could've thought that poor little Kashi Go Lean Crunch would cause such a riot? For the last 2 days I've been thinking, "Dammit. Now that I'm 57, suddenly I'm starting to just fart uncontrollably ... like an old farting lady. Ick. Yuck. So disgusting and embarrassing!" Since the only other thing I ate today was a ground meat burrito (lean, tasty, homemade), I thought I'd TRY looking up gas and kashi. I'm so surprised and very relieved. This is the ironic part though: While reading my email before deciding to google kashi, I finished up a nice big bowl of... Kashi Go Lean Crunch. OH NO!!! Anonymous on Feb 9 2009, 23:05

I ate 2 of them bars today and i was farting all day. I had class and i couldnt hold it in they just popped out Anonymous on Feb 9 2009, 23:16

My name is Spencer and I am a Fiber One addict. In fact, I'm eating one right now. Yes, I know my wife and I will be hot-boxing it under the covers tonight, but that's okay, cuz I think we on this blog are onto something: An epiphany came upon me the other night as I contemplated the endless stream of methane coming from my colon. There has to be a way to tap into this renewable resource. With FiberOne's being the catalyst in fuel creation, surely, our scientists could design a portable and easy-to-use device to capture this useable fuel that could in-turn power our cars and homes. If we increase the Chicory content, we could eventually combine our flatulence in powering factories and entire cities. Come 'on people let's make lemonade from this bag of lemons. Call your congressman to get obama to relegate some of that

Page 30 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

stimulus money to this cause. Anonymous on Feb 10 2009, 17:21

Why do you categorize all conservatives as racists? Anonymous on Feb 11 2009, 06:10

I had one of these bars, just one, and then counted to 10. When I got to 8 my pants exploded. Anonymous on Feb 12 2009, 16:04

The gods curse you You'll never find peace Death will haunt you, your family and your generations You will be cut short before your time Failure will surround you You will beg for everything you need and want, but will never find it. You think you're smart? Talk unnecessarily about the graciously dead? You'll forever regret this mistake you've made Cursed be you forever Anonymous on Feb 13 2009, 02:08

YOU FUCKING HEARTLESS BASTARD. CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND PUT PICTURES ON ASWELL. ARSEHOLE. Anonymous on Feb 13 2009, 17:29

I have the same issue. Terrible gas. I stopped eating the cereal and it went away. The day i bought another box its back. My issue is my gas doesnt feel like much gas but it stinks terribly. Ive emailed kashi and put the cereal on hold til I can go into public without stinking up a building. Anonymous on Feb 14 2009, 22:06

My first experience with these bars was on a recent trip to Mexico. I had never tried them before, but I brought a box along for hotel room snacks. While in a rush to catch the plane home, I skipped breakfast and had a few bars. I may have slept on the plane, but my bowels were wide awake! The farts were so loud that you could hear them over the noise of the engines, and the odor was so strong that my girlfriend moved to another seat. I awoke to the sound of "good Gawd" coming from the woman in the row behind me. I surely ruined the trip for a couple dozen people. I had never experienced anything like this before, and I was certain I had picked up some dysentery in Mexico. I was all ready to go to the doctor, but then it stopped the next day -- until my girlfriend started snacking on the bars and it started all over again. It took a couple days for us to put two and two together. Anonymous on Feb 16 2009, 20:48

Oh my god! My mother and i we're at Sams Club and was looking for some healthy. Well we came across these Ubber looking good Bars. Come to find out after i was starving from not eating all day. I turned to one of these bars and noticed uncontrollable amount of gas coming from my butt. Thanks to Google i know what making my body do this! SOO giving these to my grandma. LMAO Anonymous on Feb 17 2009, 02:10

Kashi censors any comments about its cereal indicating that it gives you gas. I registered about 5-6 times and they keep banning me for it. Anonymous on Feb 21 2009, 16:27

This gas is very anti-Semetic towards us Jews. Anonymous on Feb 21 2009, 16:28

I cannot believe this site exists!!! My husband just said to me this morning that he actually threw up from the pain in his stomach he had yesterday morning after eating Kashi cereal!! I told him that I had been getting the same pain every time I eat it but that I thought it was just from the high fiber content. He is sitting next to me right now belching and holding his belly. As of today there are 78 posts confirming stomach issues with Kashi. This was not always a problem, just started happening 3-4 months ago and I stopped eating it but just bought it for my husband. No more Kashi for us, I hope they stumble on this website. Maybe they started substituting cheaper ingredients. Bye Bye Kashi Anonymous on Feb 22 2009, 10:03

Catholics are fucktards too.They say they are what they are but then fuck mass people, use birth control( that's supposed to be a sin), go to strip joints, and give birth to multiple kids before they graduate highschool. Hypocrits! Anonymous on Feb 22 2009, 20:57

Sweet baby Jesus! I thought I was dying after eating this stuff. It is good, but the gastrointestinal pain brought about by KGL! is NOT worth it. As a service member, I work in customer service. I have worn my welcome thin in the office. I've tried squeeking them out, coughing while farting (the farts lasted so long my coworker thought I had TB); I even tried Crop-Dusting. You know, you can crop dust ONLY so far before you start going in circles!

Page 31 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

The suddeness of the $hit Attacks, you have NO idea! One minute, you're fine. Next, //announcer// And...They'rrrre Offffffffff //announcer// I felt as though I was kicked in the stomach by a mule! It was all I could do to get to the restroom. Normally, I prefer to do my business in an empty bathroom; No Dice. Yes, this rocket was blasting off with a co-pilot. I heard him mutter "Damn, dude" when I farted the "Unplugged" version of "Taps." I am so embarrased. I have to work with these people. The massive amount of gas was bad, but add a projectile (think shotgun shell) and now we're talking. I feel like I sat on a poop-landmine; I got scared. It felt like something came loose in there, like I had blown a gasket or an o-ring. The only thing I was thinking was "Jesus, If you're listening, I really could use a baby wipe or something." I had to use govmt toilet (sand) paper. I cannot put myself, or others through this again. I'm out! Feel free to eat this vile cereal; I know when enough is enough! Don't be "that" guy. Anonymous on Feb 24 2009, 21:31

I don't even know where to begin. I guess all I can say is that I hope this is a bad joke. The Silent Majority Anonymous on Feb 26 2009, 09:30

Yes, these bars are Satan Snacks! I just started a diet and decided to buy these thinking they would help with wieght loss so yesterday afternoon I ate 2 bars. Evening rolled around and I was making dinner. I must have farted last night 500 times if not more! These farts were NOTHING like the gas I had after my colonoscopy. I am a tiny person and "toot", but last night these farts were loooong and sounded like thunder! I swear I let this one loose that was so forceful I thought I may have even levitated ! LMAO!!!!! I farted ALL NIGHT LONG!!! Woke up to horrible gas pains and my ass has been throwing up ever since 7am. These bars are DENOMIC, what other bars can make you fart so bad to self levitation?????? My husband laughed at me all night and he farted as he usually does and I was happy to respond by saying "honey, I fold and raise you two" as I farted twice with confidence!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!! Yeah, these bars will be given to my mother in law in her "goody bag" I always pack for her!!!!!! Thanks for all the stories! I needed these laughs after feeling so miserable from these bars!!!! Anonymous on Feb 26 2009, 10:36

You folks are babes in the woods! After five or six years of the nastiest and most persistant farts in the land, and of trying every cure known to science, plus some home remedies, I finally have identified the source. Trouble is...now I am a hermit who lives alone and has no interaction with society. If I go out, total strangers glare at me and shake their heads in wonder. I will have to undergo some kind of re-entry training before I dare re-join society. My problem is...I have loved this stuff so much I bought it in bulk and on sale so I have about 25 boxes stored in the pantry. I think I will donate it to the troops in Guantanamo as a new secret weapon. They could use it instead of waterboarding, as a truth serum / gas. No terrorist could withstand the fumes without breaking down. My neighbors will not ride in the elevator with me. Thanks to you all for freeing my ass! Freeing my ass! Freeing my ass! Anonymous on Feb 26 2009, 12:27

WOW, i cant believe that they would make cards like this. Look! they use a vacuum, hangar, and throw the baby in the trash! i bet there is gonna be alot of sluts that get their free abortion. Anonymous on Feb 27 2009, 11:28

Oh god no, is right. i thought this was just coincidence but thank god i found this page. never again will i ever eat a fiber one bar. ever. ps. my farts were loud, and long, and hot, and smelled bad enough that im pretty sure, through the space-time continuum, they are why jesus rose from dead. Anonymous on Feb 27 2009, 16:22

Argh... The fart bars have claimed yet another hapless victim. Like everyone else I googled fiber one bar farts. My pets won't even stay in the room with me now so I can't blame it on them anymore. Anonymous on Mar 2 2009, 02:48

I thought I had 1) giardia or 2) pancreatic cancer. i was already penciling down my eulogy. So big relief to find it's that cereal I forced myself to eat...phew! Thanks for posting this site... Anonymous on Mar 2 2009, 15:28

So many farts....so much air...so loud. My lord! Anonymous on Mar 3 2009, 14:45

OMG i am right along with all of you in laughing my ass off from reading all the stroies. I am having the same problems, and yet the bars have to tast so good! WOW do i smell after eating one of these bars. Not ladely like at all hahahaha. I assumed it was just the extra fiber but decided to do a search on google anyway and this is what i found! TOO FUNNY! I am so glad i work from home

Page 32 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

otherwise i may have been fired from the awful smell that these farts produce. I have tried the fiber one cereal and do not remember having these problems like i am having with the fiber one bars. I think i will just have to do like everyone else and either throw the last 2 out or use them for a prank. :)- Anonymous on Mar 4 2009, 16:38

Dear Brethren of the Booties: I, too, have fallen prey to the malicious Fiber One bar. Make it stop! My co-worker is gagging on the floor...I can barely see her but for the miasma of stench surrounding our desks. Send for back up! I'm going in.... Anonymous on Mar 4 2009, 16:56

They were all probably laughing, and farting, uncontrollably after they manufactured and got these Fiber One bars out. What a sneaky little trick ! These bars definitely need a warning, like those Wow chips did/do, or maybe they should sell them at Spencers/Gag stores. These taste really good, but really aren't very "green" from all the gasses you omit after eating just a single one. ...Surprised they haven't added an extra gas emissions tax to these because of it.

But seriously folks, These should only be consumed if you are all alone for a couple of days. You actually need to plan ahead before eating these things. I accidentally came across this site and laughed to tears, because I just bought a box the other day. I ate one bar yesterday, for the first time ever, and one bar today, and I was wondering what the hell was wrong with me. ??? I now know, and now I too, will share my insight and all that I have learned from these 2 lone bars that I have ate ... Do Not...Eat before you go to class or if you work in a quiet environment. Unless you are eating them just for the purpose of being dumb. Do ... Feel free to eat these if you work at a shop. People will just think it's the machines instead.... Then again,,,,,, People might think the machines are breaking down, so that might not be a good idea either. Do Not... eat before driving/riding with anyone !!! Unless you want to walk. Yes, you will end up walking even if you are driving the vehicle,... it's that bad. Do Not... eat before you workout. It'll only bring out the worst in you. ( or outta you. ) Especially with aerobics or any cardiovascular. Do... unwrap all the bars, put them on a pretty serving dish and cover the dish with saran wrap to give as a gift to your neighbors that you dislike. It'll look like you just baked them. You will be golden in their eyes and get your revenge all at the same time. They will be too embarrassed to tell you what they've experienced, and they won't want to belittle the kind gesture and amends you just made. They only need to eat one ! Just one ! ( Tip: heat them up just a few seconds in the microvewave to make it just that much more believable that they are homemade. ) ... and let the magic begin. Do Not ...Give these to kids !!!! You think those little fart cups and whoopie cushions are bad and cause a ruckus ? ... These are waaaayyy worse ! ...They will be up all night farting and laughing, smelling up the whole house. Do ... keep on hand for those certain unruly trick-or-treaters that show up on your door step every year. You know the one's I'm talking about. Do ...carry these while you go on that next hiking trip as an emergency food source and location device all in one. Just in case you are to get lost, you'll have the food to nurish you for the time being and you'll uncontrollably create an abundance of rambunctious sounds for Search and Rescue to locate exactly where you are ! It'll also keep all the predatory animals in the area, at bay. Think Safety ! Do ... Stop by my house tonight and take the remaining bars that are left in the box, because I probably can't handle one more of these tomorrow and their peanut butter/chocolatey taste will be tempting... Anonymous on Mar 4 2009, 20:52

They were all probably laughing, and farting, uncontrollably after they manufactured and got these Fiber One bars out. What a sneaky little trick ! These bars definitely need a warning, like those Wow chips did or do, or maybe they should sell them at Spencers/Gag stores. These actually taste really good, but really aren't very "green" from all the gasses you omit after eating just a single one. ...Surprised they haven't added an extra gas emissions tax to these because of it.

But seriously folks, These should only be consumed if you are all alone for a couple of days. You actually need to plan ahead before eating these things. I accidentally came across this site and laughed to tears, because I just bought a box the other day. I ate one bar yesterday, for the first time ever, and one bar today, and I was wondering what the hell was wrong with me. ??? I now know, and now I too, will share my insight and all that I have learned from these 2 lone bars that I have ate ... Do Not...Eat before you go to class or if you work in a quiet environment. Unless you are eating them just for the purpose of being dumb. Do ... Feel free to eat these if you work at a shop. People will just think it's the machines instead.... Then again,,,,,, People might think the machines are breaking down, so that might not be a good idea either. Do Not... eat before driving/riding with anyone !!! Unless you want to walk. Yes, you will end up walking even if you are driving the vehicle,... it's that bad. Do Not... eat before you workout. It'll only bring out the worst in you. ( or outta you. ) Especially with aerobics or any cardiovascular.

Page 33 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Do... unwrap all the bars, put them on a pretty serving dish and cover the dish with saran wrap to give as a gift to your neighbors that you dislike. It'll look like you just baked them. You will be golden in their eyes and get your revenge all at the same time. They will be too embarrassed to tell you what they've experienced, and they won't want to belittle the kind gesture and amends you just made. They only need to eat one ! Just one ! ( Tip: heat them up just a few seconds in the microvewave to make it just that much more believable that they are homemade. ) ... and let the magic begin. Do Not ...Give these to kids !!!! You think those little fart cups and whoopie cushions are bad and cause a ruckus ? ... These are waaaayyy worse ! ...They will be up all night farting and laughing, smelling up the whole house. Do ... keep on hand for those certain unruly trick-or-treaters that show up on your door step every year. You know the one's I'm talking about. Do ...carry these while you go on that next hiking trip as an emergency food source and location device all in one. Just in case you are to get lost, you'll have the food to nurish you for the time being and you'll uncontrollably create an abundance of rambunctious sounds for Search and Rescue to locate exactly where you are ! It'll also keep all the predatory animals in the area, at bay. Think Safety ! Do ... Stop by my house tonight and take the remaining bars that are left in the box, because I probably can't handle one more of these tomorrow and their peanut butter/chocolatey taste will be tempting... Anonymous on Mar 4 2009, 21:03 god bless this site! ditto to all of the above. Anonymous on Mar 5 2009, 00:41

My roommate, a long time friend, suddenly became very gassy about two years ago. He could clear a room... He went to the doctor a couple times...and still could not figure out what his problem was. The other day we were at the grocery store and he convinced me to buy some Kashi cereal, he swore by it. As it was healthy and he said very tasty, I bought a box. I had my first bowl this morning...On the way to work I drove with my windows down...the farts were horrorendous... I took 3 bathroom breaks just to unleash the meanest farts I have ever experienced. I skipped lunch because my stomach was so torn apart. 4 hours after eating the stuff I googled... Kashi + Gas... like all of you I found this among many other website dedicated to Gashi... I have just informed my roommate and he is the happiest person in the world. I have uncovered the cause of his 2 year ailment in a couple hours, which two doctors failed to do... From the sounds of it I will have to ride this bowl out for a couple more hours... Fart you later... Anonymous on Mar 6 2009, 15:18

I googleed "fiber bars give you gas" and came to this page. I could've googled "blow-outs" because that's what they are. They're horrendous! I can't describe the force and pressure behind them, but I guess everyone here knows because they've experienced them. What's worse is that I thought fiber was GOOD for me. Nine grams in one bar - woo hoo! But now I hear it's the chicory root extract that causes the gas? Crap, that's the FIRST INGREDIENT LISTED. I kept thinking all week "What the heck have I been eating that I have such baaaad gas???" and then it turns out the only thing different is Fiber One. I love the oats & strawberries w/almonds. But the blowouts...... BOOM! Anonymous on Mar 6 2009, 16:16

First and foremost, this is the funniest website ever! Seems like a "support group" for people with problematic farts, if you will. I ate 2 of these bars today and the gas has been unprecedented. Didn't help that I had refried beans with my dinner. As I sit here typing, I have fart AGAIN. Been going into the bathroom to fart so I don't gas myself out, but the smell attaches itself to my clothes and follows me around the house. Have candles burning but it doesn't overpower the lethal stench....and it's too cold to open the windows. I feel trapped! If it's the chickory root that causes these noxious emissions, why must they add this???? What a cruel thing to do! I'm calling the company tomorrow and complaining! Good thing I didn't have a date tonight Anonymous on Mar 8 2009, 00:37

Pure and simply the funniest website I have ever visited, ahh yes, the simple pleasures of life. I started eating these things before I went to workout, strenuous activity followed shortly by massive gas. It took me a week to put two and two together, and walked into a perfect storm of health conscious living. In my naivety I ate one before the workout, followed two hours later by a bowl of Kashi Go Lean with added blueberries, Horrible discomfort, I literally farted 200 times that day, was doing my noxious version of "crop dusting' walking around constantly to try and avoid blame and not stew in my own funk. It was a life changing experience for me, now forever twinkies and frosted flakes for my fiber, just visit roto rooter for a bi annual flush. Colon cleanse, here I come. Damn, they did taste good, some yin with my yang, that's for sure.... Anonymous on Mar 9 2009, 14:20

I hate Alltel the reception is lousy, god forbid you stay in your contract, then after the contract is over you move. The you get stuck paying for the rest of the days till the next billing cycle. SO I SAY ALLTEL FUCK YOU! This is a warning don't switch until your billing cycle on the end of your contract is up to switch.

Page 34 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Mar 9 2009, 18:46

So absolutely glad that I found this site that completely convinced me of my suspicion!! So before the full extent of this hunch took place, tonight I decided to have a small, energizing mean a couple of hours before I went to my Hot yoga class. I needed something small in size that would provide me with enough energy. What did I turn to? Kashi Go Lean Cruch of course. Trying to gear away from natural sugers, it's been my go to fast carb and protien source with natural sweeteners...well tonights event brought an end to that and...quickly. Ha! If you want to play a really mean trick on someone you're not very thrilled with...Simply feed them a small bowl of Kashi cereal and then invite them to your community hot yoga class...what will take place you ask??? Extremely painful stomach convulsions and pressure as you try your darndess to holfd the only this that will relieve your pain and letting out an illegal, and i meam wrongful explosion. Haha yupI that'll do it, first hand witness right here folks! Kashi Go Lean Cruch = resting child's poses from hell!!!! Anonymous on Mar 10 2009, 01:29

You People are really sick Pastor Fred Was RIGHT! Anonymous on Mar 11 2009, 12:12

I wrote to General Mills to let them know that although their FiberOne bars are most tasty and satisfying, the gas that they produce is enough to destroy one's will to live. The gas was so bad that I could actually see it, all brown and greasy and hanging over my cubicle, marking me with a shamecloud for all to see and smell. Anyway, long story short, General Mills wound up sending me $7 in coupons for my inconvenience. No, I won't be buying more FiberOne bars with my coupons. Maybe General Mills makes a butt balm. Anonymous on Mar 11 2009, 16:36

My dad googled this after we both had HORRIBLE GAS!!!!! I was in my class trying my very best to hold it all in when finally BOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!! I let one out so bad that our teacher said and I quote, "Go to Mrs. M's room and get some air freshner." As soon as I got up everyone went "EWWWW!!!!" I was laughing sooo loud until I got to 6th period with the unbearable stomach pain. Thank goodness I was in a hurry this morning and only ate half a bowl!

NEVER EAT Kashi Go and Lean the Other Way! Anonymous on Mar 11 2009, 18:57

I'm so glad that I'm not alone. The sad thing is that these bars are so darn tasty. It's difficult for me to throw the rest of them away, as I'd purchased 2 boxes of them from CostCo, and they had worked well at staving off my hunger. In any case, these are not to be trifled with. They can't be used for meal replacements, as the human body will happily turbo-process the chicory extract and output something that smells NOTHING like chicory. With any luck, I can distribute the remaining bars to my co-workers & share a little of the love instead of throwing them away. I can't buy these again, as my wife has threatened me with divorce, decapitation, and dismemberment if I ever eat these again. Good luck, everyone. On a serious note, Beano actually helps to reduce the gas. Problem? You have to consume an inordinately large dose of beano before eating any of these bars. Anonymous on Mar 13 2009, 09:08 okay, i was in chours class and i kept farting throughout the song because of the bars. then people behind me on the risers were complaining that it smelt really badly, and i knew it was me. Anonymous on Mar 14 2009, 13:47

Thanks Heavens!!! I have been eating Kashi cereal for just a couple of weeks, and the last few days the Crunch. It's unreal what has happened and I have a professional position at a school. I try to restrain but must almost run from rooms to avoid the gas escaping like a machine gun and more and more often like a giant air gun bomb. My husband has started eating the Kashi Go Lean this past week and he asked today about the uncontrollable gas. Hallelujah for the answer!!! Anonymous on Mar 14 2009, 18:44

I wish we could figure out what the heck is causing this! I too can eat regular Kashi Go Lean, but the Crunch! Oh, the Crunch. SO tasty, but it's not worth it. I even tried to eat just a handful at a time but it was still horrendous. My girlfriend was bragging about how she never farts, so I gave her the rest of my box as a gift. Now she is suffering too. Anonymous on Mar 16 2009, 12:59

Yes, yes, yes! Anonymous on Mar 17 2009, 13:31

Hahaha, the replies to this are fucking priceless. Some people have no lives Anonymous on Mar 18 2009, 21:41

Page 35 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

omg! i never laughed so hard!! OMG!!!! the comments made me laugh so hard i was crying! thank god it's the cereal and not something else. I had two bowls and all day i've been blowing up a storm. My cats are sickened and smell the areas that i blow them big bombs off in. I wish to god that it will stop and my pains will go away! I think i'll feed the rest of the box to the birds outside! Anonymous on Mar 19 2009, 02:45

Oh my thanks for the comments. I do wonder what the heck is in this stuff to cause this amount of abdominal fire works. I meet or exceed the recomended amount of fiber so the amount of fiber is not the problem (I think) But geez loouise tastes good but something is wrong with this stuff. No more for me. Its back to "Uncle Sam" cereal for me. Anonymous on Mar 19 2009, 12:00

Hello, my name is ----- and I am a Fiber One fartaholic. My wife brought home a Costco size box of these things. OMG never again. They stopped me in my tracks while on my afternoon run. Had I a pin, I would have popped myself to relieve the pain. But all I could do was pretend I was tying my shoes, arse up in the air, trying to get some relief. I'm thinking we should take the rest of the box up to our state legislature for their next session. Would that make me a terrorist? Anonymous on Mar 19 2009, 18:06

This site is wonderful, better than any support group ever. I too blew my ass out farting all day thanks to our friends at Kashi. At home it was easy to blame the dog but I then noticed my wife was sleeping on the couch because she couldn't take the smell. No more Kashi Go Fart for me!! Anonymous on Mar 19 2009, 20:03

They need to have, 'Purchase one box of Fiber One' and recieve a free air freshener. Seriously, That wouldn't even help. I walk around with a can of 'Hawaiian Breeze". The sad thing is, I can make my own breeze now! It's just not Hawaiian! Anonymous on Mar 20 2009, 00:59

My abs went from bakery rolls to a six pack after reading all these comments. I'm still wiping tears from my face!! My mom loves to buy Fiber One bars to snack on and I would always eat them when I'm at my parents house because they taste so good, but I never thought of putting farts and these bars together. Now that I think about it, I DID have some pretty horrible gas after eating them but always thought it was the beer I drank or some kind of bad cheese. Needless to say I'm definitely buying these when I want to prank someone!! Anonymous on Mar 20 2009, 02:28

My cousin had the Fiber One bars, and I decided to try one cuz I was hungry. Mmmm - tasty! I went to grab another one and she warned me that I would be sorry. I decided to ignore the warning - big mistake! About 2 hours later, I was attending a worship service at a local church... I spent the entire time seated, thanking the good Lord above for the cushioned seat and the very loud christian rock band playing. Oh, and unbelievably, the frequent thunderous explosions blowing out of my ass had no smell. Again, thank you dear Jesus. Amen. Anonymous on Mar 21 2009, 01:12

Help me please I do not know this thing Sour Fart long considered not find anything about what the materials used in this game and they knew how to use food and bacteria that I am an Arab from the damp and the names of Khalid Thank you for Emily q8._a @ hotmail.com Anonymous on Mar 21 2009, 05:59

I really enjoyed it. I am from Denmark and know bad English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "Even if you paid half as much for your ticket as." Thanks in advance. Hye. Anonymous on Mar 21 2009, 12:32

OMG! I'm crying here at work. This is histerical! These "Granola Granades" don't effect my mom at all, but me...forget it. Anyway, my daughters like to repeat what my farts sound like. Sometimes it sounds like...WHAAAAAAAT???? or IDONTKNOW!!!! Anonymous on Mar 21 2009, 15:35

It must be the 7 whole grains of fartness...mine are so bad the dogs look at me in disgust and run away- ha ha ha! I love farting so I'm going to continue to enjoy Kashi morning, noon, and night. ffffffffffffffftttttttttttt Anonymous on Mar 22 2009, 23:18

Trust me I am not the sad one (and yes I am a honest to goodness Black conservative woman!) it is the Left who think they can say and do whatever they want to Blacks because we are just going to bend over and take it! Well not this Black woman! And if you are just dying to see a picture of me go here: http://ablackconservativedigest.ning.com/profile/BlackNRight

Page 36 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Mar 24 2009, 17:58

I took SICK DAYS. I offended my coworkers. I went to the GASTROENTEROLOGIST. I had blood drawn. I had to do stool samples. I actually froze a turd and handed it in for testing. I went through HELL for 8 months. I almost gave up cheese?CHEESE: the light of my life?because I thought it was lactose intolerance. I thought I was dying. Maybe Kashi think farting at a 1000% of normal will make you "go lean." Well, I didn't. Kashi, you granola freaks. Go Lean Crunch should be banned by the FDA. Anonymous on Mar 26 2009, 01:48

Was really hungry and missed lunch. Grabbed a box of the Fiber Ones went back to my office. Had lots of work to do so ate a "few of them" mindlessly while answering emails. Forgot that I had yoga class late that afternoon. The gas hit me on my way to yoga. I seriously considered aborting but thought I could just run into the rest room if I needed to. Spent nearly the whole class (1 hour) in the bathroom. The first explosive release was so loud that it rattled the window in the bathroom. I knew for sure they had heard it out on the floor where the other people were deep in some relaxing yoga pose. The rest of the time I mastered the method of bending over and pulling my butt cheeks apart so that the sound would just be a rush of "air" coming out. One occurrence was so forceful that the magazine pages rustled in the ensuing wind storm. I did not think the gas would ever stop coming. No more Fiber One bars unless I am by myself away from civilization! Anonymous on Mar 27 2009, 16:36

This website has been a total relief (literally). I fell in love with the Fiber 1 Chocolate and Oats bars (only 2 points on weight watchers) and thought I found a great snack to keep with me. The first day I had no problem, the next day I noticed I was a little gassy. Then yesterday I ate two and was in so much pain. Finally figured out that the bars were causing the problem, but I LOVE them. My husband is laughing hysterically that I'm spending this much time researching farts and gas, but I just knew that this was normal. Thanks to all of you Farters out there, I finally feel relief.... Anonymous on Mar 28 2009, 21:42

Our 9 year old son loves these Satan-spawned bars. Coming back from a recent visit to relatives, our younger daughter was feeling sick. All of a sudden a stench that can only be compared to a hog confinement lot on a hot day assailed my nose. I heard the words "go bathroom", and I screamed at my husband to pull off the interstate. I was sure my younger daughter had had a diarrheal blowout. As we swerved to the nearest exit I told her to unbuckle so she could run to the bathroom. She said, "Why?" I explained and she responded that she had said someone needed to go to the bathroom, but not her. Needless to say when we got to the rest stop the 9 year old son used the facilities. No more fiber one bars on car trips. Ever. My husband believed it must of been the cows until I showed him this site. Anonymous on Mar 28 2009, 22:39

Not only are Fiber Onr Bars gassy , now there are Fiber Plus Bars made by Kellogs. My wife and I can't stop laughing. I found these great new bars...buy one get one free and ate a couple. I feel my stomach is being inflated with a pump. We went to the movies and it was so difficult to hold the farts in. We came home and googled Fiber ones bars make me fart and this sight came up. /My wife assured me that I was not alone. Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I just can't stop farting.... I'm taking these bars back and can't wait until they ask me why! Too bad that they taste so good! Anonymous on Mar 28 2009, 22:51

I farted for like a minute straight last night shortly after eating a Fiber One Bar. Luckily, my 8 year old was in the room to blame it on. Anonymous on Mar 29 2009, 13:46

Thank you for this. GM had sent me a box of Fiber One bars and a stack of coupons for $1.35 off to hand out to friends, etc... Having never tried them, I didn't realize until day 3 that it was the bars!! My husband was grossed out/jealous of the gas... It was quite pungent, to put it nicely. The flavor was amazing, but the aftermath is just more than this family can bear... They'll be used as gifts for sure, in the future. Anonymous on Mar 30 2009, 19:35

I'm 18, and I heard really good things about these bars. I had my mother buy them thinking, "Fiber is good for you!" Well sure it is. But I have been eating them like crazy and I FART so much. These past 2 days have been unbelievable! I'm still in high school and it is complete torture having to squeeze my little butt checks together with every "FIBER" in my being so I don't embarrass myself in front of my classmates! MY GAS..smells awful too. Oh dear Jesus. Anonymous on Mar 30 2009, 23:48

Page 37 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! THANK THE LORD I FOUND THIS! The cereal is DAMN good, but not worth the pain! I thought I had gained 10 pounds in air! Bye Bye Kashi, smell ya later! Anonymous on Mar 31 2009, 16:17

General Mills sent me a free box of Fiber One bars in the mail as others have mentioned, as part of their Word-of-Mouth program. The funny part about it is that the name of their WOM program is "Psst..." More like "PFFFFT!" I gave some to my office co-workers, and now i can't help but wonder if they experienced the same thing and blame me for it secretly! My thought is that this is just a giant April Fool's day prank by General Mills. Anonymous on Mar 31 2009, 20:27

I was seriously considering calling my doctor. Thank goodness I finally turned to google. I had a suspicion, but it took awhile to narrow down the culprits. I thought I was getting old, I thought it was the onions I had eaten last week, or the other veggies... Yesterday I had a most embarasing 2 hour meeting from 3-5. My stomach started grumbling..and kept getting louder and louder. Everyone had to hear it. I'm thankful the gas waited until after the meeting, but at the end of the meeting the woman sitting next to me said, "you really need to eat lunch." I will never eat Kashi again when I need to be seen in public. No matter how healthy it may be. I can't afford to be the background music in another meeting. Anonymous on Apr 1 2009, 10:31

This is Hilarious. Incredible. Although, I'm pretty sure hell doesn't actually exist, I'm glad its like Chelsey, NY, or West Hollywood, or Hilcrest, San Diego. Anonymous on Apr 1 2009, 15:51

What's the difference between a Cadillac and a Mercedes? Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Cadillac!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Apr 5 2009, 13:49

From Day One I thought that Terry Sedlacek targeted and killed Winters bc he abused him as a teen. 1. Cops aren't saying anything about motive, they are keeping quiet. 2. Sedlacek's parent's said that in his junior year of high school Terry became extremely withdrawn etc. 3. The Lyme disease is a crock. Lyme disease would NOT cause someone to plan and slaughter someone and then try to take his own life. 4. Cops are keeping quiet on WHAT exactly was on that voice recording of Sedlacek to Winters. I think it will all come out during the trial, if Sedlacek doesn't cop a plea first. Anonymous on Apr 5 2009, 23:55

From Day One I thought that Terry Sedlacek targeted and killed Winters bc he abused him as a teen. 1. Cops aren't saying anything about motive, they are keeping quiet. 2. Sedlacek's parent's said that in his junior year of high school Terry became extremely withdrawn etc. 3. The Lyme disease is a crock. Lyme disease would NOT cause someone to plan and slaughter someone and then try to take his own life. 4. Cops are keeping quiet on WHAT exactly was on that voice recording of Sedlacek to Winters. I think it will all come out during the trial, if Sedlacek doesn't cop a plea first. 5. That wife looks and sounds like a complete IDIOT zombie and Winters to me looks and sounds gay. Even tho he apparently spoke out against gays.? If this is the case, it's very common for people in the public eye to denounce this. aka: HYPOCRIT Anonymous on Apr 5 2009, 23:58

Ok try reading this and not wake up the baby sleeping in the next room..... I just had to give my costco box away. It's just too much, I mean I love the taste and it's not just the go lean cereal, it's the granola bars too. Just this morning (and this is in verbatum) this is what my husband said just before he had to leave the room: Snif, snif,...what the....did u just....O dear Lord....And you send ME downstairs when I have to go to the bathroom. I don't get any bloating, but the smell of the silent but deadly farts is just too much! Anonymous on Apr 6 2009, 21:57

I LOVE Fiber One bars and I see that I'm not alone, but they make me go to the bathroom about an hour or two later. I mean I couldn't eat these things on the go. LOL I started to wonder why I've been going to the bathroom SO MUCH lately. The only thing that I changed is eating those bars everyday. Sure enough, I found this page. LMAO I've been sitting here laughing continuously and my kids think that I'm insane. They certainly are powerful things!!!!! Anonymous on Apr 7 2009, 12:23

I ate two of these bars on Saturday and another on Sunday. I couldn't figure why I was passing so much gas all day long and into the night. On Saturday my husband and I were shopping at JC Penney's at the mall and I let one rip...lol. He gave me the dirtiest look and told me to knock it off. I told him I couldn't help it, that I was feeling bloated, crampy and had to let it out. Sunday night, I mentioned to my 18 year son I was having a bit of a problem with gas (he had heard them ripping throughout the day). He then asked me if I had been eating the Fiber One bars and I told him yes. He said he finally figured it out when he himself had eaten a few, had been getting some cramps and was passing gas like crazy. He said he's not eating anymore. Well I have quite a few left and not

Page 38 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

wanting them to go to waste, I'll see if eating one every other day makes a difference. Probably not though. I shouldn't have told my husband and encouraged him to try them....lol. Anonymous on Apr 7 2009, 18:59

I ate one this morning and went to the chiropractor in the afternoon. Big mistake! When she pushed on me, there were cracks coming from more than just my back! Anonymous on Apr 9 2009, 21:13

I was supposed to review this cereal for an article on green living. I didn't make the correlation the first day. I wolfed down a bowl or two, went for a long walk, and as I was relaxing on the sofa afterwards I felt a strong pain. I thought my appendix was bursting, but after sweating it out for a few minutes, I shifted, and the gas began to blast. I was mud bubbling like a swamp, burping out the air biscuits like a champion. Of course, I was a little worried about my health. I am not turbofarter normally but the power of fart was with me! The second day, I put two and two together and started to really enjoy abusing this cereal. Have it with yogurt and some extra brown sugar. I even put beans and cabbage on one bowl just to see if I'd blast off with afterburner (I did). This is the most fun cereal EVER. Anonymous on Apr 10 2009, 19:23

I started Weight Watchers in January and thought the farts were the change in my eating habits. I finally realized it was the Kashi go fart. I had it yesterday for breakfast and went to the gym. By pure luck the symphony didn't begin until after I was finished and in the car. My son just shakes his head and walks away when the farting begins. I don't have the pain just the gas. I will keep eating it because it's so good. Anonymous on Apr 12 2009, 09:13

This cereal is painfully delicious . i have strict diet. and recently decided to change cereals i went from raisen brand crunch to kashi s go lean crunch and wow. the gas bloating was all day i knew it was this cereal. i told my friend whom also eats this and does not experiance any gas or bloating. i guess its just certain people.sucks cuz its a good cereal one of the few... i will no longer be purchasing. Anonymous on Apr 14 2009, 00:08

I started working as a cashier at a local food retailer [which will remain unnamed] and began to gain a lot of weight because of the Snickers bars and Kit Kats that i would consume because of the easy access. When I heard about Fiber One bars I became instantly infatuated. I loved the thought of eating healthy and saving some money. I bought 2 boxes of the oats and chocolate bars [because they were on sale] on a Friday and immediately began devouring the whole box over the period of that weekend. It had gotten so bad that by Monday when I would request change from my managers they would send some poor unknowing fool over to me because they couldn't stand the toxic fumes that seemed to levitate around me. Now when I see an unsuspecting victim I make it a point to warn them of the health hazards created by these stink bombs. Anonymous on Apr 15 2009, 19:42 look all catholics are retarted remeber the ten commandments. only the high preist could go behind a curtain to see them. also people back in jesus' time were not as educated as we are now so jesus could of done a magic trick and the world would be like holy fuck its the son of god praise him. all religions can be washed away by a dose of common sense and a bit of science Anonymous on Apr 17 2009, 00:51

What a relief to find this site. Like many of you I thought I had ibs or cancer. I'm in very good shape, eat lots of fiber and never even thought it would be the cereal that was causing such discomfort. GF was getting very annoyed, you can only blame the dog for so long. I have always put 6 or 7 strawberries on my cereal for years with no problem but was horrified to find what I thought was blood in the bowl, in my shorts, etc. Cut out the cereal and I'm back to normal. The thing I can't figure out is why the body doesn't eventually adjust to this cereal. I've been eating it for a few months now, you figure your system would adapt. Anyways, off to search for a new cereal. Too bad, Kashi is so tasty. Anonymous on Apr 17 2009, 12:57

OMG I am laughing more than I have laughed in ages. Wheezing laughing! I am planning on buying these and leaving them out in my classroom- I have students that are always taking things that do not belong to them...this will be the perfect lesson for them to learn...be careful what you eat- expecially if it doesn't belong to you. Percolating...as I sit here. I, too, googled Fiber one and google's auto completes' first entry was "fiber one gas"...so I knew at this point it wasn't just me! PLUS I guess you only find this web site funny if you have personally experienced the fiber one's death bubbles. My husband doesn't think this is funny at all. I am sneaking one into his diet, then he'll get the joke. HAHAHAHAHAHA Anonymous on Apr 17 2009, 23:24

Is it a problem I have 4 boxes of Go Lean in the cabinet? Am I addicted to the cereal or rumble in the jungle from which it produces. Either way try and touch my Go Lean and I will open fire. Don't make me grab a match. Anonymous on Apr 18 2009, 10:15

Ive been eating these things the past few days and its fartville in our house! and most of you are sayingt you wont be able to sleep but honestly ive been sleeping so good atually 9-11 hours... so i dunno Anonymous on Apr 18 2009, 21:19

Page 39 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Those pictures are disgusting, and you are a completely classless person, with no remorse for human life. Anonymous on Apr 20 2009, 11:54

I'm lactose intolerant and this cereal gives me more gas, that is more painful than if i were to eat an extra cheese pizza! D: Anonymous on Apr 22 2009, 14:53

I like many others I bought fiber one bars in an effort to eat healthy....well I'm not sure if inhaling toxic gas several hours is healthy. My farts are so disgusting and never ending I am forced to blame them on the students in my 1st grade class. I know its bad. I'm glad I'm not alone in my fiber one fart journey. Anonymous on Apr 23 2009, 23:11

In my last trip to the grocery store, I bought a new brand of hummus and Fiber One bars for the first time. Curious as to why I've been dropping uncontrollable stink bombs for the past two days (and suspecting the hummus), I sat here innocuously munching on a Fiber One bar and Googling "foods that cause gas." Just as a I finished licking my fingers of the chocolaty drizzle, I came across this page. I've eaten six in the past two days. Two Maximum Strength Gas-X have still not helped me. I'm overtired too because the volume and reverberation of my farts wakes me up whenever one slips out in my sleep. They feel like nice big wholesome farts too, yet bring no relief. I have a doctor's appointment at 2:30. I hope she doesn't make me sit on the exam table and wait for too long. There's nowhere for me to sneak off to, and my dirty deed will be painfully obvious. They were really tasty, though. Anonymous on Apr 24 2009, 09:02

Actually, no religion is based on evidence. They are all untrue and fucking retarted. Anonymous on Apr 25 2009, 22:14 these made me fart so much at school today everyone stared at me and i promised them it wasnt me. i am having the worst farts ever!lol Anonymous on Apr 29 2009, 21:58

Occasionally, over the last two weeks my stomach would start really rumbling in the afternoon, about 1-2 hours after lunch. When I say rumbling, I mean like the sound of a bunch of trombones and tympani drums from the downstairs room. And painful gas, too. Oh Gawd! I would hold it in while in a meeting, then excuse myself, go to the office bathroom to fart (and I mean FAAARRRT), then back to the meeting for another 30 minutes. After work I would stagger home, lie down on the bed and wait for the pain and gas to go away. Ugh! It would always follow lunch, so when it happened I noted what I had for lunch at the company cafeteria (pizza, soup, salad, chicken, french fries, etc.), eliminate it as a option, until I was down to two things I knew I could have: sandwiches and an ice tea. Well, after my eleventh lunch of sandwich with ice tea, it happened again today big time, and I thought "Damn! I can't eat anything anymore, what the hell?". I was beginning to think something was really wrong with me. Then I remembered that I started eating "Kashi Go-Lean Crunch" recently. So, on a whim, I googled "Kashi and Gas" and found this site. I had no idea food could be this dangerous. Anonymous on Apr 30 2009, 22:58

I seriously thought it was just me... I see a lot of people eating these things and figure, "they look good, I'll try one..." And so I did. My boss keeps a big box of them on the shelf behind his desk. (Now I know why he has his door closed all the time!) I tried one and thought, "Oh, hey, yum! That was mighty good! I'll have a second!" BIG MISTAKE. It turned my colon into a turbine. A turbine into which whole grains got thrown into. I not only farted uncontrollably, I had probably the worst case of fart-arrhea I have ever encountered in all of my 33 years. Yet I keep eating them. Damn you, Fiber One. DAMN YOU. Anonymous on May 1 2009, 16:22

I found this web page by doing a google search on fiber farts. It is true for my body that these fiber one foods make a lot of gas. I was so bloated that my heart was hurting. This was so embarasing that I had to go home from work early. My exhaust pipe hurts now and I don't every want to see one of those fart bars again. Thanks for the funny web page. Anonymous on May 1 2009, 17:52

If I could figure out how to run my car on this gas I could drive across the entire country on one box of these farty bars. Thanks General Mills. Anonymous on May 1 2009, 18:53

I made the mistake of consuming two of these before boarding a plane. I was so embarassed I pretended to be asleep for the entire two hour flight. Two guys sitting behind me said they were flying "Smelta." Anonymous on May 2 2009, 17:13

Okay this is too much! i am dying here! Can barely catch my breathe! I have never had a fiber one bar and I never will but I am sure thinkign up pranks for the use!

Page 40 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I was thinking as I am a substitute teacher it would be funny to provide these as a snack to the entire school population lets say 45 minutes to an hour beforea school wide assembly on a cold winter day with doors and windows all shut! Could you just imagine the sounds coming off the tile floors and ooden benches and the smell dang! Oh my hmmmmmmmmmmmmm would try it but they'd never accept me back to sub or think of hiring me! So guess it will remain a thought instead on an action! Anonymous on May 6 2009, 00:17

Wow, google led me to the right information!! I thought my body was betraying me in the worst way! Too bad they taste so damn good!! I will be giving these out to coworkers that piss me off!! Thanks for the laughs! Anonymous on May 6 2009, 16:08

It's great to see that other people experience the same crazy gas problems from Fiber One bars that I do! And it's not just these bars, but any large amount of fruit(ie, melon) too. Now I know better than to eat these in public. It's such a relief to get home and finally let it all out! I love fiber, but the gas is really a problem! Ever since I upped my intake of fibrous(sp?) foods in recent years, the number of times i fart daily has skyrocketed!! Anonymous on May 6 2009, 21:22

Dang, and I loved this Fiber One bar... soo yummy. But it makes me fart insanily. I use them now for boyfriend torture Anonymous on May 8 2009, 23:12

Fiber One rocks. They taste great and they produce mind blowing flatulence. Seriously, these things give me the wind like no other. The Fiber One farts feel great like proper farts should, but they don't stink. It's a win/win really. Although, the farts I do the following morning smell B..A..D...BAD. I get these attacks of farts chained together that last upwards of like 20 seconds sometimes. I'm going to start recording them my friends who think I'm exaggerating about these things will see. A couple of choice varieties of FOF's (fiber one farts) are what I call the Door Knock, which is a basically a string of fart "syllables" that sort of sounds like someone knocking at the door. Then, there's the Harley. That one is pretty self explanatory. Thank You General Mills. Happy Farting! Anonymous on May 9 2009, 08:27

These things are horrendous. My roommate and I bought them b/c we thought they would be tasty. She is not effected, yet I feel like the atomic bomb went off inside me. I eat quite a bit of fiber so it must be the chicory root extract. I was searching to find a remedy to make the pain go away, and I found this. Fiber One bars could be the next weapon of mass destruction. These things are terrible!!! Anonymous on May 9 2009, 19:28

My body is like a tank... the bars really only made me fart a few times more than usual, and poo twice a day instead of once. My girlfriend on the other hand... holy bajesus! She holds her farts in all day at work, and I usually swing by and pick her up afterwards. After I get her it is a 7 block ride home and she nearly farted the entire ride. I think it was like a 2 minute gas seepage out of her ass. Absolutely unreal! Anonymous on May 12 2009, 12:07

OMG!!! I just bought my first box of Kashi GoLEAN last week, and I swear to the little baby jesus that I have had the most intense poots in my life each day I've had it! I also eat mine with slices of banana, and I think the two of them together do double work. I really do love the stuff, but I'm afraid I can no longer eat it due to the intense gas. I work in an office cube, and today I had to go into the bathroom/hallway/foyer several times to let out the gas. OH MY!!! Anonymous on May 12 2009, 17:26

I could relate to all of these stories. Yes once I started eating these delicious bars the fats started Anonymous on May 16 2009, 11:53

I love fiber one bars and kellogs new fiber plus bars because they taste so good, but the unfortunate exploding gas issue made me not be able to eat them. I tried to outsmart the bar by using gas-x and beano, it did not work and I ended up farting through a 6 hour lecture, it could not be stopped and i am pretty sure the people around me won't sit next to me next lecture or ever again. Fiber one bars are a super tasty fart fuel, BEWARE!! Anonymous on May 20 2009, 18:58

These things are SO powerful... I ate a whole box in 20 minutes and farted for three whole days. It was terrible because I couldn't leave my house for three days straight. It was not good. Anonymous on May 20 2009, 21:55

Oh man. I'm just rolling here. I eat them with a piece of fruit for breakfast soem mornings. The fruit/gas bar combo is just tremendous. I found some at the local discount store for $1.69 per box. Score! I grabbed quite a few boxes. My 8 year old daughter asked if she could have one. I said sure! Well, it was so good, she wanted a second one. I warned her, I really did. About 2 hours later she was out riding her bike and came running in the house clenching her butt cheeks together. She said, "Wow,

Page 41 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Mom. You warned me but I had NO idea." As she blew by me on the way to the bathroom. I asked if she'd pooped her pants, but no. Just some serious, frightening gas. She loves them, but will now never eat more than one in a day. Smart girl. Anonymous on May 21 2009, 16:05

I'm so thrilled at finding this site that I could fart the tune of "Amazing Grace!" Alas, all that comes out is something that sounds like a tuba in the bathtub. Seriously, what did people do before we could google "Kashi GoLean Crunch causes gas"? I guess they just suffered in silence. Or not... Anonymous on May 21 2009, 19:36

Ohhh, I get it. Because you're a "weepy-eyed liberal" it's OK to use offensive racial stereotypes AND you then get to use your broad brush to paint conservatives as the ones who really act/feel/think that way. How wildly ironic that another "weepy-eyed liberal" felt moved to pray for your demise - that seems to be the way libs work. We need look no farther than Wanda Sykes to see a common pattern. Liberals are certainly tolerant, inclusive and fair-minded - as long as you AGREE with them. Otherwise, they have repeatedly proven to be narrow-minded hate-mongerers who consistently use racist, homophobic and otherwise intolerant speech to communicate their views, and in the same breath proclaim their righteousness based on their support of minorities, the gay agenda and anything else they feel demonstrates their higher path of political correctness. On a side note, how are y'all liberals feeling with Dick Cheney's foot kicked off in your asses up to his knee cap? lulz. Anonymous on May 22 2009, 12:23

Watch out for that chicory root in other products! Smartfood Popcorn clusters have it- yikes! Of course I found out after eating it---luckily only one 100 calorie bag. At least one fart for each calorie.... This stuff makes for mammoth amounts of methane and never ending farts. Anonymous on May 22 2009, 17:02

Thank you for your comment. I don't make a habit of even responding to comments left on the website and I approve every comment that isn't SPAM, even if I feel the individual writing the comment is drunk, sitting at home twirling a pistol, and masturbating to a picture of Rush Limbaugh. However; I just wanted to point out that the only person that thought Cheney is being helpful or a productive voice for the Republicans, is Fox News, and the brain washed herd of sheeple that consider Fox News a real news source that is unbiased and fair. Cheney needs to go bye bye. He had 8 years to completely fuck this country up, and now it's someone else's turn. Check back in another 5 years and then tell me I was wrong. Anonymous on May 22 2009, 18:45

I had a bowl at 11, and went back for seconds. I have been symphonic since 2 p.m. - and it's 10 now. No smell, but every 30 seconds, like clockwork BRRRRRRTTTTTT. Sorry if global warming ticks up today. That's so my fault. Anonymous on May 22 2009, 22:07 haha I google "are mormons retarded" and this is what I got. Hilarious Anonymous on May 23 2009, 16:41

THE ONLY THING THAT TOPS ME AND MY KASHI IS THE CAMPFIRE SCENE IN BLAZING SADDLES. HERE'S ANOTHER SENARIO: MR PRESIDENT, IN LIGHT OF THE NEW LEGISLATION REGARDING GLOBAL WARMING, NATIONAL HEALTH CARE AND GOVERNMENT MANDATED CONSUMABLES TAXES, AND SINCE YOU ALREADY INTEND TO TAX TOBACCO, ALCOHOL, AND SUGAR, AND POSSIBLY FRENCH FRIES, YOU MAY HAVE OVERLOOKED A VERY IMPORTANT ITEM WHICH LEADS TO THE EMISSION OF METHANE GAS AND THE REDUCTION OF THE OZONE LAYER AND THUS A MAJOR IMPACT ON THE ENTIRE GLOBAL COMMUNITY. DO YOU THINK AN EMISSIONS TAX ON KASHI GO LEAN IS APPROPRIATE AT THIS TIME? THANK YOU...... Anonymous on May 25 2009, 10:02

I THINK PRIME MINISTER PUTIN LOVES THIS STUFF !!!! Anonymous on May 25 2009, 10:14

After hearing how "yummy" the Oatmeal chocolate chip Fiber One Bars were I couldn't wait to try them. Wow they were awesome sweet and crunchy just like a candy bar so instead of having one I ate 2 well later on that afternoon I was going to the local warehouse to do some grocery shopping and felt this sudden urgent need to use the bathroom, (of course I was in the back of the store and couldn't have been further away from the restrooms,) so I grabbed my purse and literally ran through the store I am sure the people running the security cameras thought I was trying to escape with something but before I could make it to the bathroom I had shit in my pants while still running to the bathroom I was so mortified this has never happened to me before I literally had to wash out my pants in the bathroom and thank God I had a jacket on so I could tie it around my waist. I went home immediatley and spent the next several hours with explosive diarriah. WTF is in these things that would make you lose total control like that. Unfortunately, I threw the rest of the box away and needless to say won't be buying them again. They should put a dam warning on their packaging to put on Depends if you plan on leaving your house after eating these. Anonymous on May 26 2009, 17:32

Page 42 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I too let out about 500 farts from laughing so hard while reading this page. I just walked into my boyfriends house and ran to the bathroom to explode! I thought I was going to shit my pants. I had a Kashi frozen meal for lunch and have had gas pains all day! What is with fiber and farts? I decided to do a little research and up pops this page. The first time was the last time Id ever eat a Fiber One bar! Those things are screaming I am going to mess with you all day and make you fart like you have never farted before. The worst thing about the day that I ate the bars was being at work where you can't fart. The air bubbles build up inside your stomach and roar up through your insides like you are going to burp out the deadliest fart! I threw the rest of the box away! Damn FIBER ONE! They should not be called Fiber One, but FIBER 500 FART BARS! Anonymous on May 26 2009, 23:07

O.M.G.!!! All of you are telling the honest truth, these things are from hell!! I ate 2, two mind you and i have had the most terrible stomach ache and runs and gas etc. I will never eat those horrid things again. Benefiber is for me or activia yogart!! Thanks Anonymous on May 27 2009, 20:29

Your mother is secretly ashamed of you on many levels. Anonymous on May 29 2009, 18:02

WOW. I am so relieved to find this website! Listen, I am a naturally gassy person anyway, so before yesterday, I thought I had mastered the art of the silent killer farts and fart deflection (blaming it on someone else). Good GOD. What tortured souls invented this SHIT IN A BAR! Seriously, that's what it is. I feel like I've been run over by a truck and instead of being paralyzed, I just have the runs every 15 minutes and in between bathroom trips I put on fireworks shows out my ASS. I am so glad it's not just me. I asked one of my friends this morning, "Do you think it's possible for a granola bar to kick your ass?" She said no. She was wrong. Anonymous on May 31 2009, 22:03 take the fiber one challenge! my coworker has never tried fiber one. i have and so i know that the amount of gas generated is incredible. so i just gave him FIVE of them to try. he ate the first one and agreed that it tastes very good. and he just had the second one as well. we shall see how many he eats in this one sitting. and let's see what happens later on. i hope he returns to work tomorrow. oh yea, he outweighs me by at least two hundred pounds!! will post results of this experiment soon. -M Anonymous on Jun 3 2009, 14:32

OH MY GAWD! I ate like 4 fiber one bars today.. I was thinking "oh, theyre good for me". Wow.. I was wrrrong. I mean Ive had those before but never ate that many. All day ive been having REAL bad gas, its terrible!! and my stomach hurts too. I was wondering what was wrong with me so I looked up "4 fiber one bars" and somehow I came across "fiber one side effects-gas and stomach cramps... Screw you Fiber One.. SCREW YOU!!!!! X( Anonymous on Jun 4 2009, 19:09

TK is one of those closeted internet idiots who crave attention and can only get it by saying something controversial. What next? Will you have a go at the 911 victims for a few more hits? Those who would poke fun at the death of a young mother are as ridiculous as those who would see her beatified. Anonymous on Jun 5 2009, 07:14

Found this by accident, for me it was Kashi Go-Lean crunchy wheat puff stuff cereal that would start an all day long fart fest after a 7 mile bike commute to work. It was so bad that one day , that even in the loud machine shop, with the Bridgeport mill running and Leadwell CNC running, I was was overheard trying to fart discretely. The older co-worker, he hated my constant farting. I let what I thought was a little 'poot" at the mill, and Joe goes "HEY! Will you STOP farting??? I put up with it all day yesterday, and I am sure as hell am not gonna put it with it all day today!!!! STOP FARTING!!! Do you see anyone else going around farting all day long, the way a cow does??? It's repulsive , revolting and WRONG!!! " I had to stop the Kashi cereal. However since I was laid off of work, I might try one of them Fiber One bars just for kicks. Anonymous on Jun 6 2009, 01:50

I thought I had become lactose intolerant. I was popping double-dose Lactaid Fast Act with no effects whatsoever. No I know it was the Kashi GO SMELLY Crunch! Clearly this stuff is not meant for the human digestive system. Anonymous on Jun 6 2009, 20:21

I sleep alone in my fiber one cloud, my husband has abandoned me for the living room. We always start out in the same room. Then I wake up in a closed room that stinks from all the gas, husband GONE. He ate a whole box of Fiber One and Curves Fiber bars in a couple days with milk and has not touched them since. I suspect he had bad bad bad bad consequences while I was away on work business. I warned him to leave it to 1 a day but he did not listen. Now he just runs from me and says NOT A WORD. I once took a sick day from eating 2 in 1 day. My job would of really wanted it that way, Does it end? I have eaten 1 a day for 2 weeks and no help! The farts just keep coming. I am gonna give up soon. Hey Fiber One, maybe you should have a sensitive system kit and work us up from a smaller dose of fiber to the current fiber bar. I would buy that kit. I WOULD BUY THAT KIT. Anonymous on Jun 8 2009, 06:19

As I sit here in my office, I am thankful that I am not in a cubicle. For I have been letting them rip all morning!!!! I just bought two

Page 43 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

boxes of these things, and now wonder if I should give them to the first homeless guy who walks by my office doors. (sighs). This is hell.... Anonymous on Jun 8 2009, 13:16

I'm sure HAZMAT will be rining my doorbell soon. The WMD that have been bursting out of my ass are turning the air green in my neighborhood. Anonymous on Jun 9 2009, 00:38

So many people on this site are talking about gas as a bad thing.I eat 3-4 bowls of this stuff at work every morning just so I can make my co-workers day less pleasant.Get creative,Go for a "head shot" or light one off just as everyone starts taking out their lunch.This is the most gasey food in the whole world.One last thought.....If you really want some bad gas {Way more smelly but not quite the quantity}try a wopper withh cheese,onion rings and a coke from Burger King.4 hours after eating you will have the most smelly gas ever. Anonymous on Jun 9 2009, 23:48

I don't believe this rubbish. In fact, I just purchased a box of the peanut butter flavored Fiber One bars. Now, I am off to a very important 2 hour conference with the CEO of our company. I am not scared at all! Anonymous on Jun 10 2009, 14:04

OMG! THANK you! I thought I was dying. My wife started putting these in my lunch this week on Monday and it has been a LOONNG week trying to figure out why I have been blowing up like the Hindenburg!! Holy cow poop Batman! Anonymous on Jun 11 2009, 14:14 hey I just have a comment, I am not a mormon, but I find it so interesting that so many people bash this church, I mean if it a hoax and fake, then the people in it are the dumb ones, why waste your time bashing on it? Obviously there is something to it if so many people feel entitled to talk bad about it and "try" to prove its false, because as much studing and searching I have done, there is not true hard facts or evidence any of it is false, only alot of this bull shit, and theories, why don't you get your facts straight before wasting your time on pulling others down. Anonymous on Jun 12 2009, 01:12

I am a security guard for a major computer company and have to spend long periods sitting around watching people. Well, I bought a box of 30 fiber one bars at costco and started taking 2 with me to work each day to snack on during my shift. I started to notice my constant farting, but unlike alot of the posts here mine dont smell at all. They are loud and long but they dont smell, and well, now I have the reputation of the farting security guard because there is nothing more impossible in this universe than hiding a fiber one fart. Thank you fiber one, for making me the "hilarious" security guard, nobody takes security guards seriously, and the employees now take me even less seriously. thanks fiber one. Anonymous on Jun 12 2009, 08:47

OMG!!! My roommate bought a box of the chocolate ones one day and said it made him fart and poo like none other. I didn't believe him and last night I bought a box of the Carmel ones and ate the entire box, they are GOOD!!. This morning at 7am my stomach was cramping and I was letting out more gas then a broken gas line. I ran to the the bathroom because my stomach was in constant pain and I sputtered farts and poop for about 20min on the john today. I had class at 9am as well and it was killing me to hold it in. Now im at work and about every 5 min I have a gas bomb explode into my seat. Glad I have my own office!!. Thanks FiberOne. Now I can torture my roommates Anonymous on Jun 12 2009, 14:10

I've been noticing the same you did. I had been letting the longest farts I have in my entire life. I was trying to pin point what it was that was causing it, so I googled "I've been letting long farts" and this came up..and interestingly enough I recently have been eating Kellog's FIBER PLUS bars. They are so good, but I think the mystery is now solved. I wonder which bars are more deadly..FIBER ONE or FIBER PLUS. Anonymous on Jun 16 2009, 16:03

God help me. The Kellog's Fiber Plus bars are on sale and they each have a coupon that comes with them, so I'm getting them REALLY cheap. I will have like a month supply of these things. I ate one around 11 o' clock today..and it's 4:30 and it hasn't stopped. Anonymous on Jun 16 2009, 16:24

Wow ... I can't even begin to express my thanks for this site. I can't possibly say anything that hasn't already been said with more eloquence below, but I do want to reiterate something that I've read interspersed throughout these posts: I have definitely experienced a "delay" in symptoms. My symptoms didn't start until HOURS after eating Kashi -- a fact which led me to examine EVERY OTHER type of food I was eating (for lunch and dinner, for example) but which rendered me completely oblivious to the role of my breakfast food in generating my agonizing pain and flatulence. I feel like an idiot because I have gone for over a month with this, all the while assuming that some intrinsic characteristic of my own body had suddenly changed over the past couple of months. I give my sincerest thanks to this site, and I give over my sincerest rancor to Kashi!!! Anonymous on Jun 17 2009, 12:09

Hey, I'm kind of enjoying touring the office on my new turbojet powered chair! Anonymous on Jun 17 2009, 15:46

Page 44 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I am a ww leader and long time fiber one user and have to agree that fiber one is good stuff but only 1 bar per day or else your body will be unforgiving! Anonymous on Jun 17 2009, 16:07

Someone please!!! *Ffffffaaaaarrrrp*, I can't stop!...*Ffffferrrrrp*. Every 2 mins I'm *Fffffffirrrrrrrrp*... farting. I am now an *Fffffeeeeeep*....outcast! FiberOne is so tasty, so fibery, so...*FFFFFAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRiiiiiP*....EVIL!! Oh great. Here comes the EPA pulling FFFFFORRRRRRP up my FFFIIIIIRRRP my driveway!!! cry!*...FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP! Anonymous on Jun 17 2009, 17:37

Does the regular GoLean high fiber and protein cereal cause a lot of gas, too? The red box? Anonymous on Jun 17 2009, 19:02

OMG, I nearly gave myself a heart attack I was laughing so hard. My husband likes to make treats with this stuff and he would always get so mad at me for waking him up at night with the hellacious toots. I have a boxer dog, which are famous for deadly gas, and she would sleep in the kitchen after I ate this stuff. The cats would hide in the catpan, and no amount of Rolaids would help. Thank you for helping me figure this out. I am never buying this stuff again. But I still like the granola cereal, the chocolate one is really good. I'll have to see if they cause the gassiness too since I already have IBS and was eating Kashi to help regulate my system. the only benefit I can see is that I can seriously gross out my teenage boys. MOM WINS!!!!!! Anonymous on Jun 17 2009, 19:42

Yes, the regular Kashi Go Lean (red box) causes this too!!! Trust me!! I am so grateful that I found this site. I am throwing away my 2 boxes of Go Lean right away!! Anonymous on Jun 18 2009, 13:10

I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. I feel as if my intestines have blown up. I feel like a walking time bomb after eating 1. I ate 2 and spent every 15 minutes in the bathroom. I am a walking machine gun ! Thank god I am single. I warned my son about these and he does not have these gas problems. These fiber one bars are so tasty they are hard to stop eating. Try eating them with a huge mug of coffee. Its not like after one day the gas stops. It will last for days. Someone could die from their stomach exploding ! Anonymous on Jun 18 2009, 22:15

For one, Kristy has half a point in that there seems to be a lot of bashing by many with a somewhat questionable understanding of the concept of religion. Although I feel that she is rather hypocritical herself in that she was compelled to sit here and bash the people who have posted comments. When an idea is presented to someone, it is only natural to question it and express their own opinion. It is not a waste of time because to question is the only way to truly learn. Question teachers, question authority, question me, question yourself, otherwise you will only gain a half understanding of someone else's point of view and nothing more. The way I see it, if I answer the door and have to deal with some random stranger at my doorstep trying to preach to me and handing me some lame pamphlet, then I have every right to log on and talk about how rediculous it is. I mean seriously, way to copy the Jahovah's Witnesses. At least 3 quarters of Jahovah's Witnesses where smart enough to leave the faith when the world didn't end in 1925. They changed it to 1975 and even more left when that one was proved wrong as well. For any one to say that their way is the only way is in itself ignorant. It is the belief itself that the individual holds that makes such things relevant in their lives. I feel that Jesus Christ and Sidhartha Gautama had many of the same ideals, though Jesus had the misfortune of having his teachings twisted and contradicted by a bunch of degenerate Romans as a means to gain power and denounce the pagan traditions that where previously practiced in Rome, while Sidhartha's teachings where kept intact by his followers in that their culture was left undisturbed for thousands of years of peace without the need for the power struggles that plagues the birthplace of Catholicism even today. And as far as Joseph Smith is concerned: he was an eccentric and a racist who had already been convicted of fraud prior to the founding of the church. His claims about the Native Americans where ignorant and prejudiced. Jerusilum is located in the middle east, therefore even if they did come to America, they would be tan skinned as well, Jesus had tan skin and so did the ancestors of every human being that ever lived. Polygamy is chauvinistic. If a man can have multiple wives, then a woman should be able to have multiple husbands. And his obvious ignorance of geology and history is actually really kind of funny, it's also pretty sad. At least L. Ron Hubbard had an imaginative scam, even if it was just as moronic. Anonymous on Jun 19 2009, 06:50

I don't even know where to start, maybe first by wiping the tears from my eyes as I read these stories. I have been buying fiber fart bars in bulk from Costo for months now. Just recently I have made the connection to the uncontrollable explosive gas I have been experiencing during those months. My family has been complaining for months, my wife even said I have been farting in my sleep. I was seriously thinking something was wrong with me. The worst part was my office purchase me a new 'mesh' chair and now I can't muffle the the explosive sounds in the cushion. I eat one every morning for breakfast and the 40 minute drive to work is unbearable. My kids claim that every time they get in my car it smells like a stale fart. I think the stench is permeated into the leather. Driving with the top down doesn't even seem to help, the stink must be heavier than air, because no matter how fast I drive it sits there with me. I am just thankful that I have finally found the 'root' cause. Anonymous on Jun 19 2009, 13:12 you fail. you just put a new picture over the swimming merit badge in photo shop Anonymous on Jun 19 2009, 17:59

Page 45 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

ughhh! that's the only cereal i eat!! D: Anonymous on Jun 22 2009, 11:36

For two weeks my husband and I have been sleeping in separate beds because I haven't been able to control my flatulence. All our conversations have started with him saying things like: "can't you just hold it in", "wow I never imagined I'd marry someone with gas like this", "GEEZ was that you?!?!?"; and me replying "better out than in", "I've never had gas like this", and "no, it was my butt and I'm asking it for a divorce!". This morning while eating my standard bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch(GLC) I had a sudden epiphany that the gas started around the same time that I bought this god forsaken sh*t!!!! I did a google search for Kashi GLC + gas and low and behold I've found all of you. I feel like I've finally come home after a long period of social exile to be with my fellow Kashi GLC farting friends. Thank you all for helping me to realize that I'm not alone in the world! Anonymous on Jun 23 2009, 16:37

I am laughing my ass off so bad here!! its all true to you non believers...I thought these were the best tasting fiber bars invented..until I blew my husband off the other end of the couch and the dog out the back slider!!!!! and OMG the power of these farts was just unreal...I would go into hysterics every time I let one rip because the look of amazement on my husband's face was priceless...I seriously thought I was going to have to go to the ER. The pains were unbelievable. They need a warning label with a hazard symbol "highly explosive". This went on all night...I had no idea where this was coming from...and then the stank began..oh it doesn't smell initially...but just wait....I'm gonnna bring the rest to work for a good laugh!!!! Oh and my niece and nephew now call these farty poo poo bars and refuse to let my sister put them in their lunch bags LOL Anonymous on Jun 24 2009, 23:54

Like just about everybody else I googled "Kashi Go lean" and "gas" and found this. I've been eating this cereal for a few days and I'm a person who normally has very minimal gas and honest to God, it's doesn't usually smell that bad. Well after eating Kashi Go Lean (high protein, high fiber version) I have been farting non-stop and these farts are from HELL. They are the worst farts I've ever had in my life and it sometimes takes 10 seconds or more to expel farts caused by this cereal. It's truly a shame because I can't possibly keep eating it. I have job interviews to go on and I would die if I farted one of these farts while being interviewed. FYI - I got my Kashi cereal from the "organic" section at Walmart and tried some other organic cereal brand which I can't remember the name of, organic honey/oat flakes and that cereal causes it too. Truly disgusting! Don't buy that cereal unless you have a flatulence contest to win or if you're extremely socially isolated. Anonymous on Jun 25 2009, 05:58

Really? she actually said all that? I kind of don't believe it. But anyway, I'm kind of in the same situation as Danny. I'm 13 and my mom is a total alternative medicine person. Like, I haven't been to an MD in 6-8 years. And I probably have asthma. And I'm not gonna get to an MD for it any time soon. Oh joy. Anonymous on Jun 26 2009, 17:36

Bought a box of CVS-brand Fiber One knockoffs. Extra chicory root. I had to work on a project, and didn't want to stop for a lunch. I stopped at CVS, and bought a box of Oatmeal and Chocolate Fiber Bars. Figured that were just like granola bars or something. Figured I'd just munch on the entire box, so I wouldn't interrupt my studying. I was interrupted about an hour later by the worst smelling stench ever. Smelled like a porto potty in July. I have my own office, but the shared printer is just outside the door. I couldn't stop farting for 4 hours. I couldn't leave because the project was due in the next day. I farted every 3 minutes for four hours. It was non-stop. Each one was worse smelling than the last one. Finally, I sat on one cheek, propped by butt door open, and let olley olley oxen free. It was alot like Dumb and Dumber. After the 50th straight fart, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't poop my pants like Jeff Daniels. My stomach felt a little better, but I was about to pass out from the swamp death reek. At hour 3, I heard the printer start. I literally ran to the printer, and brought the printout to my coworker across the hall. "I was just walking by the printer..." Then she printed out 4 more things, kindof randomly every 2 or 20 minutes. I ran every time. She was pretty freaked out, figured I was stalking her or something, but not as freaked out as she would have been if she walked anywhere near my potty office. Smelled like the rhinocerus cage at the zoo. I finished the project, drove home, and then sat on my couch at home farting constantly until 2AM. Don't eat six of these at a sitting. You might just die, or kill a co-worker. No, the smell doesn't go away... Ever. Sticks like napalm. Anonymous on Jun 26 2009, 22:30

Well i found this page because since i have been eating kashi go lean for about 1.5 weeks i have the worst gas you could imagine. They smell terrible and are huge. I was hoping they would end but after reading this site it seems they will not. i guess i will stop eating the cereal. oh well. Anonymous on Jun 29 2009, 11:57

OK, so I read this a couple of days ago and got a good laugh. I never thought anything of it we usually have them around the house. So I munched two of them this afternoon before we headed out to the 4th of July party at the Phoenix Zoo tonight. I now have proof these things are pure evil in a box. We started hiking up the hill to the new Giraffe feeding tower. The whole way up the hill I'm talking out of my ass more than Barry Obama. Of course every time I let one rip, my 4 year old daughter thinks it's hillarious giggles and announces to the world, "Daddy farted!" We get to the top of the hill where the Giraffe feeding tower is. It's a new, really cool setup. The railing is about shoulder level to the Giraffe and they lean their necks over the railing and take the food directly from your hand. So I'm standing there with a food pellet in

Page 46 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

my hand and let go of an SBD. The Giraffe notices the food in my hand, swings his neck towards me, then swings his neck back the other way and heads for the far corner of the tower. Fiber One, farts so bad, even Giraffes won't come near ya'! Anonymous on Jul 5 2009, 03:34

Today I just discovered what has been haunting me for the past 9 months or so -- horrible gas, bloating and cramps....from FIBER ONE BARS!!! I thought maybe I was allergic to gluten, milk, nuts...something, anything! I ate a Fiber One bar today for the first time in a few weeks and the horrible gas and bloating came back so I did a quick google search and found this. GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! These bars should come with a warning label....I'm so mad I ate one, now I'll be farting until tomorrow! Anonymous on Jul 8 2009, 16:30

That's what happens when you eat Soy Protein. I consider soy the solyent green food of the health food industry. Everyone says it's so healthy for you..NOT! Real soy is fermented soy and mostly eaten in Asia. The soy we're eating in North America is NOT fermented soy and doesn't offer any of the health benefits derived from fermented soy. Stop eating soy!!!!! Anonymous on Jul 10 2009, 23:51

This is some very funny stuff. I'm in tears! In my search for a healthy, filling breakfast bar, I started eating these a few months ago. It is amazing how tasty they are in their chewy goodness! I usually eat only one per day. The gas that I experience by lunchtime is unreal. Seriously, the longest and most explosive farts imaginable. I also thought I was going crazy. I thought I had devoloped lactose intolerance, but finally started catching on over the last few days and sure enough, it seems to be a well known phenomenon. God dammit! I really like those bars! Anonymous on Jul 11 2009, 16:44

I have one with my lunch at work everyday. When I get home, I let it all loose. The farts are unique, unreal, and unmatched. They come about every 4 minutes, for the duration of 4 or 5 hours or until bedtime. They even come out while I'm sleeping. I love it though, I think it's hilarious and my boyfriend does too. xP Anonymous on Jul 11 2009, 22:16 dammit kashi...... Anonymous on Jul 12 2009, 20:10

I'm agnostic theist but I don't mind Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism that much. Not too sure about Hinduism. However, Mormonism, Scientology, Islam, and Shintoism are the most retarded religions. Why people believe those 4, I have no idea. Anonymous on Jul 13 2009, 02:16

You know... this is something that I am going to have to try about one hour before bed some night that I am ticked off at the wife. Anonymous on Jul 14 2009, 13:48 at first i ate the fiber one bar and it was great . but after 15 minutes i had qlready faarted like 20 times. it starting to scare my dog half to death at the end of the day i had farted 52 times (seriously i counted). My dog was afraid to be in the same room with me. Thank you and keep on farting America Anonymous on Jul 15 2009, 11:09

Oh God! I have 2 packets freshly bought....Iam trying this brand for the first time and I dont think its delicious Anonymous on Jul 15 2009, 18:18

I made the mistake of eating this cereal while breastfeeding--talk about screaming baby! She would writhe in pain, and it took me a bit until I identified the source of the trouble. They really should put a warning on the box! Anonymous on Jul 15 2009, 23:44

I guarantee you half these people didn't know who Diana was until after she died. People disgust me at how quickly they're willing to defend someone they didn't even know. Shut the hell up all of you. She's dead. Get over it. If you believe in an afterlife, then just be content with knowing she's in a better place, if you don't, then shut the hell up anyway because she's gone and nothing you say or do will bring her back and her memory will fade just as fast as your own life. Get over yourselves. Anonymous on Jul 18 2009, 15:24

I googled "fiber bars give me gas", landed here, and have a stomach ache - I've been laughing so hard. I was blaming my windy bottom on a host of other foods and then had an epiphany that it might be the Target wannabe Fiber One bars I bought recently. I, too, work in a very quiet office so I've been racing to the bathroom for some relief - secretly scared that I might let one go during a meeting. One plus? My 6 and 2 year olds think Mommy is a farting champ. Anonymous on Jul 19 2009, 16:15

I had 4 Chocolate & Oats flavored bars today, so damn addictive! -_- Can't stop farting and it feels like there's an orchestra going on in my bowels. I better shit soon or else I'm gonna blow! These farts are ghastly! These bars are really the spawns of Satan! Anonymous on Jul 19 2009, 21:41

Page 47 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

This is great! I thought it was just me!! For those that have never tried these Satan Snack Fart Bars here is a link to the Fiber One website with a free sample and $5 in coupons! http://freesample.fiberone.com/FiberOneFY10/Default.aspx?source=11112_11111 Anonymous on Jul 20 2009, 22:38

Don't let Al Gore find this website... he'll ban Kashi for sure due to global warming risks. Too many greenhouse gases! Anonymous on Jul 21 2009, 02:06

I knew Pastor Fred and he was as good as any human being can possibly be. He, his family, and his church were the real deal! We live in an evil world and Satan is working harder than ever because his time is short. Our Lord will return soon. The people on this site have no idea what they are going to face if they do not repent of their ways and turn and ask God for forgiveness through what his son Jesus did for them on the cross. There is a hell and there is a heaven and I know Fred is in heaven as sure as I know that withing each of you gay people there is a dark empty soul that is seeking only to feel true love. That love comes only from Jesus. You will not know if you just keep condemning believer of the bible and not seek out the truth for yourself. Just read the bible and speak to God; he will hear you. About Sedlacek, Fred never knew this young man. If he had maybe the young would have received the help he needed. He was on medication for mental illness and I believe his mother was having a hard time accepting that her good looking young son who should just be beginning life had such a problem. I am sure you understand parents who do not want to see their children in any way other than as they picture them to be. Our church, First Baptist of Maryville, Il (www.fbmaryville.org) continues to pray for Terry Sedlacek and his family. We pray for you too--in the love of Christ. Anonymous on Jul 22 2009, 03:24 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfUBY11DXHY&feature=related Anonymous on Jul 22 2009, 03:36

Tastes great, colon filling. Since eating these bars a localized ozone hole has been following me around where ever I go. The Obama administration has instructed me to purchase cap and trade credits because of the amount of emissions coming out of my ass. Forget Ethanol, feed everyone these bars and we could run our cars with power to spare. Anonymous on Jul 22 2009, 10:03

Seriously folks, had anybody ever contacted Kellogs? I heard people say that the side effect started when Kellogs took over as a way of discouraging people from eating this cereal over their own. Anonymous on Jul 22 2009, 10:39

Seriously, has anybody contacted Kellogs abut this side effect? Anonymous on Jul 22 2009, 10:42

If you like farting and I mean really like farting, these are the bars for you! After 3 days of incredible amounts of gas around lunch time, I finally suspected the bars. I skipped eating them for one day and was fine. The next day I ate one late in the day, instead of in the morning, and that evening?s bath was very memorable. It was like depth charges were going off in the tub. I'm lucky there were no open flames nearby. Seriously, these things are like some kind of biological weapon. Have someone at work you don't like. Give them one of these bars 3 hours before a meeting and let the hilarity ensue. Anonymous on Jul 22 2009, 12:07

Kashi gives me the Shits!! About 6 months ago I started eating this wonderful cereal but I noticed the major "Bubbles" exploding in my stomach! I couldn't take it anymore when I was constantly running back and forth to the bathroom so I quit eating the cereal. Well, I was in Costco last weekend and purchased cereal for my son and also purchased the Kashi Go Lean Crunch and recommended it to my son. On Tuesday I ate a BIG bowl of Kashi after my walk and then I showered and went to the Mall. I was at South Coast Plaza and wanted to go to the Nordstrom's Sale...5 minutes after I was in the store I headed to the bathroom because the "Gas" was so bad. I was able to walk up to the 2nd floor and then I had to rush to the bathroom again...I had "Bad Gas" and I had "Shat my Drawers"...how embarressing....I cleaned myself up and luckily it didn't leak through my jeans. I immediately headed to my car and went home. I told my husband what happened and while he was LHAO he told me to look this up on the internet...I typed in "Does Kashi give you the Shits?".....Yes it does!!! I am taking my box of Kashi back to Costco and asking for my money back. That stuff is disgusting and I don't see how they can stay in business if everyone discovers the "farting and the shitting problem"!! They should rename the product "Kashi Go Lean Shit O's" and the reason they think it will make you lean is because if you eat it you will then fart and shit it out immediately. This stuff should be sold in the Laxative Department Only.... Anonymous on Jul 22 2009, 12:21

"The gods curse you" I know this thought may suprise you, but a lot of people don't believe in Gods. In the 21st century too. Funny isn't it? "You'll never find peace" This coming from someone who sounds more miserable than the person he/she is criticising. LOL. "You will be cut short before your time" The way your comment is, you'll probably be put in a mental institution before your time, if you'd not already commited suicide. "Failure will surround you" Kind of like it surrounds your comment. "You will beg for everything you need and want, but will never find it." Like he's begging for moronic twits like you to shut up. "You think you're smart?

Page 48 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Talk unnecessarily about the graciously dead?" The graciously dead? The picture doesn't illustrate a gracious death. "Cursed be you forever" It's the 21st century, and moreover, it's the internet. Don't talk like you're the author of a fucking scripture. Anonymous on Jul 24 2009, 07:53

Wow, I am geekin at "I cant believe you would post something like that on the internet you sick basted." I would have posted it on the bulletin board at work! Anonymous on Jul 26 2009, 04:41 every religion is retarded, but mormonism, evangelical-pentecostal, and scientology just take the cake made of retarded fetus'. I have respect for those who can question their faith and accept that their holy doctorines are a tad exaggerated, but I have zero respect or tolerance for the people in these religions, or any fundementalist of any religion. Anonymous on Jul 26 2009, 16:33

Omg what a relief I have had horrible stinky gas non stop for 6 days now and I am looking in my food logs (I keep a record) and I am eating the same things, but then I realized I bought some kashi go lean crunch and some kashi bars and that must be it. I dont want to give it up so I will try beano but that hasnt worked for me in the past so I may give it up. The cereal is fine, but I do love the bars! Thank you so much for this site!!!! Anonymous on Jul 29 2009, 05:51

I wanted to get some more fiber in my diet but never in my life have I had this much gas! I'm at work and I'm finding that I need to fart about every 2 minutes. I work right by someone and every time they leave their desk I let one go. It's so horrible!!! Anonymous on Jul 29 2009, 13:11 that's awful you could do such a thing like that! you sick bastard! do the world a favour and DROP DEAD you freaking asshole! Anonymous on Jul 30 2009, 22:21

ROFLMAO!!!!! This cereal is the greatest thing since deviled eggs. I eat a bowell, uhmm.. bowl every other day just for the afternoon fireworks out of my arse. I work from home so its just the dog and I, competing for longest/loudest/stinkiest expulsion of the day. Great fun. Thanks Kashi for changing my life! Anonymous on Jul 31 2009, 10:00 piece of advice stay AWAY from Smartfoods popcorn clusters. LOL I havent been able to leave my house in a week and I ate them Unfortunately all 5 tiny tiny bags last saturday its been a week OMG! make it stop make it stop. ROFLMAO Anonymous on Aug 1 2009, 13:07

Fuck Princess Di, overpriced whore who got destroyed because she hired a drunk to drive her fucking car. Fuck all you English wankers who are so fucking obsessed with her too, what has the fucking royalty done for you lately? Other than introduce so much inbreeding to your society that not one of you motherfuckers has a normal set of fucking teeth? "Princess" Di was a slut. Get over it and get over yourself. Anonymous on Aug 3 2009, 11:13

Guys - glad to have found this site. I am in absolute agony here. I feel like I am 8 months pregnant, and the expulsions from my cornhole are out of this world. I would love to know what causes this. I don't think it is the fibre per se, as I typically eat Fiber One which has a ton more fiber than this, and never ever have GI problems like this. I suspect it might be the type of fiber. Kashi Go Lean, the real WMDs... Anonymous on Aug 3 2009, 12:12

I felt so alone until I read this site. Well, actually, I am alone since I started eating that cereal. Great gas 'weapon' as many have pointed out. Hmm when to use? Anonymous on Aug 4 2009, 02:43

Let me start by saying that I first bought Kasih Go Lean this past Sunday--that's right, two days ago--and love this delicious cereal. I love it so much that I've had two or three bowls a day, with one being a pre bedtime snack. Imagine my surprise when, Monday morning and then again today, I felt as though an angry badger had been unleashed in my stomach. I share an office with two others folks--poor, poor souls--and they have been unfairly subjected to the riotous bi-product of the newest addition to my diet. Thank goodness I am (relatively) quick on the uptake, I guess, although you'd have to be asleep or heavily sedated to miss this no-brainer. And thank goodness for this site. I will be foregoing my planned to trip to Sam's Club to stock up, and will be tossing my remaining deliciousness in the trashbin. Sigh. "If it seems too good to be true, it probably will explode in your stomach like a WMD..." Thanks guys and gals for confirming what had become an unavoidable conclusion... Anonymous on Aug 4 2009, 10:06

Page 49 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Just curious if we can sue Kashi for all the pain and discomfort we've all suffered. And for proof of our case, all we would have to do is eat this cereal and be adjourned for a litle while....of couse we could all get thrown in the slammer for assaulting a judge with the smell! Just an idea to think about.... Anonymous on Aug 4 2009, 20:05

I googled Kashi and farts and found this site hahaha. I ate a big ass bowl of Kashi go lean crunch with soy milk this morning. Today has been the most ive ever farted in my life I went skateboarding and literally everytime I went to push,another massive voluminous fart would escape I feel like im pregnant im so bloated, and im a dude. Its kind of fun though now I can anticipate it They should call this cereal Kashi GoFart I farted 3 times while typing this and I ate the cereal at 7.00 in the morning Its now 5.30 in the afternoon Anonymous on Aug 4 2009, 20:36

Firstly Princess Diana was and still is a credit the the British nation. Unlike the USA our country prides itself on our royal family and the billions of pounds they raise for charity every year! Instead of the uneducated Americans who spend billions of pounds every year on fast foods, making the population the most obese in the world! I mean come on you have sent the whole world into a economic meltdown because you couldn't manage finance! I think that is why the financial capital has been moved to London because unlike the Yanks we do have high education and a bit of common sence! And maybe you can explain why you are the most hated country in the world? Its definately not jealousy! I would also like to add that you are a nation of immagrants, with most descended people coming from Britain. And i don't know where you got the idea of us having bad teeth? As the USA spends the most money on fixing rotten teeth in the world probably down to you're poor diets. To my conclusion i think one had better get his or hers facts straight and stop a clear jealousy for the most loved nation in the world. RIP Princess Dianna (loved by so many) Anonymous on Aug 4 2009, 20:37

I told my roommate yesterday as I came out of the bathroom (still farting) that these things are sooo vicious and he claims "not me, my stomach is normal". Yet I noticed he farted a few good ones yesterday too. I had 2, he only had one, which he sniffed at like a mouse as if afraid to eat it. Don't, I repeat, DO NOT get addicted....they taste so good....but they rip something vicious in your ass. Increasing fiber intake by method of Fiber One also means increasing your toilet paper usage. TRUST ME, if you are on a plan for things....plan for extra toilet paper when you shop for these. The cereal isn't so bad...but the bars, dear god, the bars. Be careful people, and happy crapping. Anonymous on Aug 4 2009, 23:33

Wow. I was really thinking I needed surgery. I was getting paranoid about all the giggles behind my back at work. Now I know they werent giggles. They were gasping. I did not know how so much air was leaving me when not nearly the same amount was entering me. I have a headache from hitting the ceiling so much! At first there was a cloud of flys then just piles of fly bodies. Thank you so much for this forum. It's really good to get it all out;) Anonymous on Aug 8 2009, 10:18 get a life asshole Anonymous on Aug 8 2009, 17:21

Glad to read this. I've been having controtrolled farting at work. It's bad enoug that I'm now "older" but it's been difficult to hide the "pop" and strench I've been having. I've been eatting Fiber Plus at work. They are delicous! Howver, I never gave it a thought that it may be causing this. I'm going to only eat them at home. Thankfully, I live alone. I wouldn't want to "gas" some one to death. Anonymous on Aug 9 2009, 14:06 there must a more horrific picture. copious amounts blood would have been better. what a success story she had. married a relative 10 years plus older than her. surprised he had nothing in common with her, except family tree. maybe that is why so many hillbillies defend her. killed in a car driven by a drunken chauffeur. very cool. they interrupted a show, i cannot remember now, to show the live feed of the extraction and failed attempt to resuscitate her. instant replays, and animated theories. i remember turning off the television after 10 minutes. another dead royal. Anonymous on Aug 11 2009, 04:00

I ate one yesterday at lunch.

Page 50 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

When I drove home from work, my husband borrowed my car to go to the grocery store. When he came back from the store, he did not look so happy. I don't think he will ever borrow my car after I've eaten a fiber one bar. We both cried with laughter when we found this site. Anonymous on Aug 11 2009, 20:35

Mayday! I am dying reading this site and from the smell that my bum has been emitting since eating Fiber Bum bars. I seriously cleared an entire department at Target last night. The smell is like no other I have ever experienced. It's like a mix of month old rotten eggs and perhaps, satan's cologne. I too was rudely awakened from my sleep from my own gass the other night. It was like I was trying to sleep during the invasion of Baghdad. Good Lord! I had to Google it today and feel better knowing exactly where the essence stems from. I do wish to continue eating the bars as it's nice to be so regular (who needs colon cleanse) but man, the side assfects are a bit much to bear. Anonymous on Aug 13 2009, 17:46

I have taken four craps today so big that I had to take out the 12-gauge and shoot them. I eat healthy. Well, healthy enough. But this Kashi Go Lean Crunch is freaking scary with the gas it produces. There is no use trying to hold in the farts because it will make your belly swell up like that scene in "Alien" before the monster pops out of the guy's stomach. Bless you dear Lord for providing this web site to let me know I am not alone in this agony. I am thinking of starting a viral campaign, getting a rubber stamp and running through the supermarket stocks of KGLC, stamping them to say, "Warning; Will cause intestinal gas so severe that your wife will leave you, your dog will look at you funny, and you'll get fired from your job." Really, the folks who make Kashi ought to apologize for this. It's just not right. Anonymous on Aug 13 2009, 19:47

Smith translated from a hat not from behind a curtain. You respect Pastafarianism beliefs? Hahaha! I'm a Pastafarian and I don't respect the beliefs. I repect the religion. No-one actually believes in the FSM, it's just a comical way of being an atheist. That's why I am one. But anyway, nice piece. I agree with you; Mormons are FUCKING RETARDED. I actually googled "Mormons are fucking retarded" and got this haha! Anonymous on Aug 13 2009, 22:27

This is funny shyt...... I have been calling these fart bars as well. The guys at work joined a biggest loser contest at work and have been eating these. You should hear the explosions going off. I personally like to rip em in the breakroom on the hard bench seats..... talk about clearing out a room. I took this one more step and ripped one against the bedroom door while my wife was sleeping. She came running out wondering who was hammering on the front door. Then the smell hit her.... kind of reminds of when I used nightcrawlers for bait and let them in the car when hot outside . Nasty!!!!!! One other thing I have noticed I have to use more toilet paper.... maybe they are in cohoots with the toilet paper makers. Anonymous on Aug 17 2009, 00:29 i like these bars,even though they cause quite a bit of gas that could light up a gas station i lost 15 pounds last month cuz of these bars..yes you do go to the bathroom quite a bit if you eat more than you should of these bars but if your looking to lose weight these bars will do it no doubt and clean you out in the process LOL Anonymous on Aug 17 2009, 19:21

Wow! I bought a box last week thinking I would try something new. Yes, they're good, and I like them. But, yesterday afternoon and evening I had horrible, horrible gas. I suspected it might be the Kashi, but dummy me went ahead and finished the box this morning. Now, I am paying for it. So...here I am. I love the internet. No more Kashi for me. Anonymous on Aug 18 2009, 15:25

Ah this sucks... Yep that's definitely what is causing this explosive cataclysmic whatever this is. Damn it tastes so good though! And healthy. But there's just no way. So I had go lean for breakfast this morning and THEN... went to sushi for lunch. Forget it. I thought I was going to break the glass lights in the bathroom. Sat in the bathroom 2x for quite a while, still at my desk with this horrible churning in the guts... this is insane. No more go lean for me... Anonymous on Aug 18 2009, 16:45

5 hours post-Kashi feels like an out-of-control lumber truck heading towards you at over 100 mph! Purely devastating! Anonymous on Aug 20 2009, 17:44

My step mom gave me a box 2 days ago of the mocha bars. I ate one yesterday and had severe gas pains last night and farted so

Page 51 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

much and so loud my 6 year old (who loves a good fart) was asking me to stop. I chalked it up to being pregnant as this is not the first gas episode I've had in the past 7 months. I ate one again this afternoon and tonight, while at a church meeting, my stomach hurt so bad I seriously thought I was in labor. I knew it was gas pains but that bad?! What made matters worse was having to hold them in for 3 hours. I thought. I was going. To die!!! I was trying not to make faces in the pain because people kept asking me if I was ok. I really didn't want to have to tell them that, No I was not in labor, I just needed to fart! Regardless of how it looked. When I got home tonight all I could do was lay on the floor with my ass as far in the air as it could go. I knew it had to be those bars. I know what to eat now when my husband and 6yr old are having a farting contest. I'm gonna win 'em every time now! Anonymous on Aug 21 2009, 02:28

I have never had the pleasure of trying Fiber One bars. But I have started eating the Fiber One Yoplait yogurt. I'm addicted to these little 4oz cups of yogurty goodness. And for most days I really try and limit myself to one cup. But there's been a couple of days where I've broken down and had 2 cups. I mean 50 calories a cup isn't bad and I probably don't get enough fiber anyways... Well the last few days have been miserable! The farts and the stink and gawd does it ever end? Worst part, I just ate two cups before I found this site. I'm in trouble for later I guess...... Anonymous on Aug 22 2009, 03:10

:[[[ it's the soy protein. i googled it, apparently it causes lots of gas. :/ i'm cutting out all the soy from my diet. good luck, vegetarians. Anonymous on Aug 23 2009, 19:27 so...the greenhouse effect is NOT caused by driving a gas guzzling car? I'm so very relieved! I'll stick with Rice Crispies, thank you very much. They make their noise before they go in. Anonymous on Aug 24 2009, 20:29

So, Are any of you folks familiar with the diet aid called Alli? The active ingredient in Alli is a substance that works by blocking the absorption of excess fats by the body. In essence, most of the fat you consume (and it had better not be very much) will fly straight through your digestive tract and out your posterior. Eat a salad with a heavy cream dressing and a couple of slices of pizza and you get a greasy oil slick along with your usual bowel movement. Eat a Big Mac and large fries however, and look out! An uncontrollable high velocity spray of smelly red-orange grease will come shooting out of your butt with absolutely no warning. This horrifying occurence is euphamistically referred to in the Alli literature as a "treatment effect". In case you can't figure out where I'm going with this, I recently combined Alli, Kashi GoLean Crunch and a Culver's Deluxe fried cod & chips basket. The result was a treatment effect to the power of 10. I'm afraid I have to move to a new town. I think I would have been better off combining Zanax, Ambien, Zoloft & Prozac. Anonymous on Aug 24 2009, 21:12

I'm wondering if Poopsie is right? Maybe the greenhouse effect is actually caused by too many people eating Kashi Go Lean Crunch, and using that Alli stuff. My god, I can't believe anyone would actually combine the two. I totally believe "mookiesmom" has to move to another town. I had only one bowl, ONE BOWL of the KGLC on Saturday, and I'm still feeling the effects. I guess when you don't ingest a lot of fiber as a rule and then suddenly throw a bunch in the works, it doesn't come out too pretty. Sigh, oh and pun intended. Anonymous on Aug 25 2009, 12:42 my 10 yr old daughter is the pickiest eater in the world. So when I went to the store with her and a girl who is interning with us, we walked down the cereal isle and I asked her, SO what are those bars you guys like so much??? ooooo those fiber one bars with chocolate chips and all sort of goodies in them was my answer. Needless to say I bought 2 boxes of them. A week later no one ate them and I thought hmmm I gots the munchies so I opened up the box and found 5 NOT 1 but fives little snackeroos in it. I ate one while I was playin online poker and thought to myself these suck but at the same time they were good, then I ate another one... hmmm not very satisfying. ok no one is looking I will eat another one, So now into 3 bars and still not satisfied I ate my 4th bar. In less then 20 minutes I consumed 4 not so tasty bars then I ate 2 peanut butter and apple butter sandwiches and then I had a large glass of milk. Mind you I was under no impression of what was about to happen shortly after I went to sleep. Somehow my cat got into my room and shacked it in with me as we both endured the stinkiest most unforgettable night of our lives. I thought I was going to shit my drawers and my farts kept waking me up. So when I finally woke up I had to drop the kids off at the pool. at first I thought to myself "Normal morning dump" No problem. BUT then all of a sudden the farts started coming back, So now I am back in the bathroom dropping the wayans brothers off at the pool, my roommates were gassed out by my stench. I was so embarrassed to walk into any room because of my green misty's I was producing. I had to run from my own farts.... I later found out what the culprit was as I was standing outside smoking a cig my intern said geese I could hear you farting from across the yard. I then told her that those fiber one bars are ok but they lack flavor and are small so I ate 4 of them, and me not knowing that they were the reason why I was shiiting myself. She broke out into laughter as she explained to me that I consumed 3 bars too many for one day and I should be farting and gassing for about a day or so. I now have a cool trick to pull on guests when they come over.. I plan on serving cat food as pate and unwrapped FIBER one bars. I should be a big hit. Anonymous on Aug 25 2009, 15:56

Ok right now I am under a severe attack of the fiber one bars. So I had to go online and see if this is not just a personal side affect..I am so glad to see that it is not. I will never eat a fiber one bar again. Listen up for what you are about to read, has this ever happened to anyone yet? So I am on my way to work and I decide to pop in a quick fiber one bar on the ride over this is roughly 0700. Throughout my work day I started to feel very gasy and bloated, I could actually feel my intenstines move and relocate from their original resting places. I work in a laboratory, so under no circumstances am I able to pass gas..just not sanitary. By 1600 hours, I was seconds away from barreling over to be on the ground one more time before I met my maker. Finally, everyone left for the day, and there were no patients in the waiting room. So there was hope for me after all, it was time to lock and unload. At first very satisfying, but then, what I thought would be one of my final blows, turned out to be a trully horrifying finale. Not only did it catapault my body feet in front of me it also caused me to crap my scrubs!! Now this has never happened to me in all my years of living through different illnesses...I always knew when it was time to hit the pot...but not this time. And to make matters worse I still had another hour of intense work to

Page 52 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

do. So I ran to the bathroom praying it did not go through to my scrubs..luckily it did not, but the smell was so staunch..I mean it smelled like I had a dead rat hiding up in my undies, I had to carefully slide my undies down my legs and place them in a biohazard bag before throwing them in the biohazard waste receptacle. So today I am writing this somewhat in hindsight for today is day two and I am still suffering and it is past 1800. I choose to never eat One Fiber One again!!! Anonymous on Aug 29 2009, 19:54

You guys are such wusses! I polish off a bowl with half of it straight, rolled oats and then polish off a delicious Kaschi Dark Chocolate Oatmeal cookies. Now when the first onset comes, grab the toothbrush and head to the bathroom; you can often seed the hallway enroute with a few silent but deadly ones. About an hour after the first enslought, just plan another potty trip, grab a pre-moistened and soaped towel from the bathroom authorities, and you can usually finish your business with one quick session. This stuff saves enormous amounts of time by accelerating all that stuff and if it ain't given you a little gas, it just ain't worth it. Man up, America! Anonymous on Aug 31 2009, 18:34

I personally have never, ever seen anything like them! Beans, cabbage, you name it. Nothing creates major farts like these bars. Try eating two, for the blast of your life. Wait till you are going on a road trip with your buddies. No one could stand up to you. Anonymous on Sep 1 2009, 13:16

My husband and I have been eating these for only two days and we can't believe how bad our gas is. It has been non stop for me for since yesterday. I think I have it worse than him. I am so glad we are not alone. My husband did notice on the side of the box that it says "Gradually increase fiber over time to help minimize potential gastrointestinal discomfort." Yeah too bad I didn't read that first. "potential discomfort" my ass (no pun intended) it should read "without a doubt flatulence". But if it helps in my weight loss I will accept the gas. However I will not eat one before work ever again, that could be distasterous since I work retail and really have nowhere to hide. Thanks everyone for posting, this really made us feel better about this sudden gas attack. Good night and gas speed. Anonymous on Sep 1 2009, 23:08

I am getting the same problem. Its just too much fiber, either natural or unnatural. My body just isn't acclimated to it yet and it just not fun! Anonymous on Sep 3 2009, 14:19

You are all horrible, gross people. I am glad I don't live with any of you. Stop eating the damn bars you nasty farters. I, for one, have never farted, nor have I ever pooped. Ewww! Anonymous on Sep 3 2009, 18:54

Yeah! I got that Boom Boom Pow! After a night at the bars I stumbled home and found these fiber bars on the counter. Figured it would be a good pre-hangover snack. Very tasty, hit the spot, went to bed. Yo, I farted so hard while I was asleep that it not only woke me up, but it was still echoing in my bedroom as I was regaining consciousness! Thought someone was trying to break into my house. These azz crackers is for REAL!!! Anonymous on Sep 4 2009, 09:07

I ate the whole box in 2 hours 5 bars I thank now my stomach hurts and man I been crapping for an hour straight.

I will never eat these again. Anonymous on Sep 4 2009, 21:01

I wish they had these things when I was a kid. They are better than any gag toy. I ate my first one at a friends house (around 8 pm) came home and bragged to my wife how awesome it was. About 11:00, the show began. The basset hound, a legend in the sport, laying across my lap lifted his head, looked at me, stuck his nose down into my crouch region, immediately lifted his head and jumped off the couch and laid in the floor. The show lasted well past 3 am, kept waking mysefl up. I rushed out and bought my veryt own box, boy I love these things. bought two 20 bar boxes at Sam's today. I'd like to teach the world to toot, in three fart harmony... spread the word, share a bar!!!!! Anonymous on Sep 5 2009, 21:03

I'm not alone!!! While one day at the supermarket I noticed a great deal on Fiber One brand products (cereal, granola bars, etc.) They sounded delicious so I bought a few boxes of each. As a college student, I would eat Fiber One cereal in the morning and take a granola bar with me to class. Like clockwork, I would get to class and almost instantly have the worst stomach pains of my life. I thought I was going to birth a child right in the middle of lecture. I started to think I had IBS or some crazy digestion problem. The stomach pains were so severe I couldn't sit still! Gas and the worst diarreaha of my life followed instantly. Imagine that every day for 2 weeks! It wasn't until proccess of elimination that I realized Fiber One was doing that to me! I've now cut them entirely out of my life and gave the bars to my roomates. I wish them the best of luck with it. I will never buy anything with Fiber One on it again!

Page 53 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Unfortunetly, I am now having the same issue with Kashi Cereal. Ugh. Cheerio's it is. Anonymous on Sep 7 2009, 01:50

I bought 2 boxes of the mocha bars. OMG you can smell the coffee flavor when you open the package. I am seriously addicted! But I'm telling you, it's a good thing my husband works out of town and he only comes home on the weekends. I have to stop eating them on Thursday so the farting can die down. I find myself eagerly awaiting Monday morning, so I can go back to eating my Fiber One Fart Bars!!! Oh, and I've also scared my 2 cats out of the room on several occasions. Anonymous on Sep 8 2009, 18:42

I had my first bar unknowing of it's evil side effect. I remember waiting my turn at the hair salon scared to death of this war that was ensuing in my guts. I remember looking around to see if anyone could actually see through my tight tank top the wave-like motions of the gas violently rolling back and force. I know they heard it, I just didn't know if they could see it like I could. After about an hours of this internal Vietnam, I decided to go to the hair saloon's bathroom to release and hopefully get comfort. Unfortunately, after I let off the first fart I realized there was no way out of my hell. The gas was ridiculously too loud and the entire saloon will know. So what did I do next? I held this furry in for another 2 hours till I was out of the salon. The only good thing out of all of this is that I got home ultra fast thanks to the propelled power of the backed up gas. I didn't have to walk home, I pretty much glided without even touching the ground. Thanks Fiber One. Anonymous on Sep 9 2009, 15:49

I decided to grab a quick snack on my journey to the airport, so what else do i reach for in my cupboard but a yummy Fiber One bar? I was feeling great until the exact moment I took my seat on the plane. And of course I was assigned to the middle seat. To my right, my friend...to the left, a cute guy my age. I painfully held in my farts until I reached my breaking point an hour into the flight. I let one rip and prayed to God it didn't stink. Thankfully, it did not. But to my demise, once I started I simply could not stop. If the plane ran out of fuel, I would've been able to get us the rest of the way on this natural gas. Fortunalely I was wearing my seat belt or I probably would've been ejected from the seat. At least I was able to blame the violent vibrations on turbulence.... Anonymous on Sep 11 2009, 23:57

I decided to grab a quick snack on my journey to the airport, so what else do i reach for in my cupboard but a yummy Fiber One bar? I was feeling great until the exact moment I took my seat on the plane. And of course I was assigned to the middle seat. To my right, my friend...to the left, a cute guy my age. I painfully held in my farts until I reached my breaking point an hour into the flight. I let one rip and prayed to God it didn't stink. Thankfully, it did not. But to my demise, once I started I simply could not stop. If the plane ran out of fuel, I would've been able to get us the rest of the way on this natural gas. Fortunately I was wearing my seat belt or I probably would've been ejected from the seat. At least I was able to blame the violent vibrations on turbulence.... Anonymous on Sep 12 2009, 00:07 yes they make you fart and have frequent bowel movements because of the fiber Anonymous on Sep 12 2009, 14:29

This thread is hilarious! These fartastic bars are delicious. I just had one actually...the chocolate mocha ones They are so yummy but my lanta I am passing gass >_> Anonymous on Sep 12 2009, 19:05

Now I know why that one guy on the commercial is always laughing to himself when that other guy grabs all those Fiber One bars! I thought I would be smart and get myself a "dietary aid" since one of the medications I am taking highly recommends a fiber supplement.... yeah... I ate two bars this morning a couple of hours apart, I haven't quit farting since noon today and its 11pm, my bum burns with all the methane that has spontaneously busted out... At least it doesn't stink, yet.... I WILL not eat these anytime I am going to be out of the house! Thank you for having this great page up where all us fizzle popping junkies can commiserate! Anonymous on Sep 13 2009, 01:30

I googled "Kashi Gives Me Gas" and found this sight! Thank God! My wife started eating this stuff a few months go and has been farting non-stop ever since. Not knowing the connection I I ate a bowl last night and have had more gas than Hugo Chavez at a Barack Obama FREE health care rally! It seems like every couple minutes I am breaking a new world record for length, volumn and malciforous odor. The best thing though is these are pungent, CLEAN, Gas only farts! No Hershey Squirts! Anonymous on Sep 13 2009, 15:00

I think corn king bacon is the best bacon I have ever ate.I would be glad to buy it anytime. Anonymous on Sep 15 2009, 11:22

Mystery solved! I am sitting here almost in hysterics now that I finally understand what has been happening to me. The funniest part is, two days ago I bought TWO MORE BOXES of these fiber bars, not having realized (yet) what was causing my reaction. It was a complete fluke that I put two and two together today. So, so, so funny. Still laughing. Anonymous on Sep 16 2009, 15:50

This site is amazing and so are the stories. Trying to eat healthy, I started eating more soy products a few weeks ago. Kashi cereals, Kashi Pilaf, soy milk, soy burgers, Ezekial bread (sprouted grains), and tofu. Oh, my goodness!!!!! Lots and lots of pain and gas! I realized that something was really wrong with what I had been eating, so I started eliminating each offending food and I started feeling better. However, tonight I thought I would eat the Kashi Pilaf and even though it wasn't as bad as the Kashi Go Lean Crunch, I am

Page 54 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

definitely experiencing more gas than I normally do. Goodbye, Kashi! It will be hard to find something that tastes as good. Anonymous on Sep 16 2009, 22:33

I can't believe they still sell these things...and unsusceptible people are still buying them! The first night I had two bars and went to sleep. In the morning I had two more for breakfast. Little did I know that was a very foolish thing to do. I went to the restroom nine times while I was at work. The first couple of times I crapped and farted, but all the other times the only thing that would come out was gas and anal mucus. Anonymous on Sep 18 2009, 12:54

Why bash the mormons? Because they're a bunch iof fascist wads. While I think anyone is free to believe whatever they want, this bunch of kooks has taken it upon themselves to quietly co-opt the Boy Scouts, as well as get involved in the Proposition 8 battle in California. I say screw 'em - they want to play politics, they lose their tax-exempt status. Asswipes. Anonymous on Sep 22 2009, 19:53

TRUTH; I take care of my father 24/7 by order of his doc and the state of Florida. His ss check is $1290 a month and his meds are $600. Yet,. we cannot get foodstamps. I was told by a worker at DCF (Foodstamp department) that we are not elidgable because we are of European desent (white). This is a fact. Anonymous on Sep 23 2009, 10:00

I love Kashi food but this stuff makes me blast farts that scare the pets away. In fact my GF and I like to eat this stuff just so we can have competitions to see who's farts are the worst. Girl farts are always at least 27 times worse than anything a guy can come up with. I can give her the Dutch Oven but she can blast one under the covers that will seep out and make me beg for mercy! Whats worse is that Al Gore has come after us for contributing so much to Global Warming. I might have to sue Kashi for making me create so much air pollution. Anonymous on Sep 24 2009, 16:14

It's been 2 months after I had my first fiber one bar--my ass hasn't been the same since Anonymous on Sep 25 2009, 11:40

Just got back from a meeting with a dietician. After telling her of my "Fiber" intake via Fiber-One Bars, she asked if I was having any problems with...... ? I had to interupt and tell her "NO! It's cheap entertainment!" And I may have to end the meeting quick since I ate two prior to coming. She just laughed, and told me there's actually a few web sites out there devoted to the tie between the bars and "BASE Singing"! After reading alot of the entries here, I gotta go change now.! Anonymous on Sep 25 2009, 18:16

Holy cow, I am laughing so hard right now. I bought some of the Fiber One Pancake mix, and ladies and gentlemen, it has the same effect as the bars, dang it. I made one big pancake this morning and by this afternoon, I thought I gotten food poisoning. I am so glad I was able to google this and find out that I am not alone and that I am not getting sick. Here's to a toot-filled night! Anonymous on Sep 25 2009, 21:46

I have never tried these and am now deathly afraid.. For all of us who are concerned about global warming..this may be the beginning of the end... so put away those bars and run like the wind.. . BTW There is an ant crawling on my monitor. I think it can smell you guys all the way over here.. This is disturbing on SO many levels... Anonymous on Sep 26 2009, 18:28

I've always been a prim and proper lady. I absolutely would die if my husband heard me rip one. The only time he ever heard me fart in our 7 years of marriage was in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. I told him that didn't count. He was so shocked in hearing me fart for the first time, that he actually documented it on his computer at work. After eating this delicious Kashi, I do really fear I won't be able to hold the gas in. If it can't find it's way out, then it makes loud bubbling stomach noises and pounds against my stomach. I really like Kashi, but I don't know how long I can contain the farts. Anonymous on Sep 28 2009, 17:57 yes yes YES YES FUCK THAT BITCH UP HER PUSSY HOLE>!! THAT FUCKING CUNT SHOULD BE REINCARNATED AND DIE AGAIN!!!!! FUCK HER AND THE DRUNK ASS DICK SHE RODE IN ON!!! Anonymous on Sep 29 2009, 08:32

I was DYING today after eating my first bowl of this stuff this morning. I ran to Walgreens last night because I needed something to eat for breakfast this morning and Go Lean Crunch looked good enough so I purchased it. It tasted good this morning when I ate it... but then I went off to class. JESUS was I dying. I literally thought I was going to die. My lower intestines felt like they were rupturing as I was trying to keep it in (my colleagues are sitting all around me.) I somehow managed to escape the 1 hour and 15 minute class and have been farting until now, posting this message. My abdomen still feels tight, like there's 30 pounds of air pressure in my uterus area (if I was a girl). I thought it might've been the Go Lean Crunch, so I googled it + gas and came up with this. Screw this cereal! Anonymous on Sep 29 2009, 19:00

It took me about 2 days to realize the awsome power of the Fiber One Fart Bar. They were on sale at Sam's and I got the family-size

Page 55 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

arsenal. Had to quit eating them at work but they're a must have during the football season...just chomp one of these granola grenades an hour or two before the Packer game and I get to scratch and fart the whole game! This past weekend, after the game, I'm riding my John Deere, cutting the grass, droppin' 'em from my ass. My wife actually heard me tootin' over the lawn mower! But fate got me today...I had to carpool on a business trip and as I get in my co-worker's car, I notice an empty Fiber One wrapper on the console and he's also chomping on one. I gasped in horror knowing what was to be on my 2-hour commute. I told him about the power but he didn't believe me...'til the ride home *OUCH*...We needed Lynnard Skinnard blasting away with "EWWW that Smell!" Great site! Anonymous on Sep 30 2009, 21:53

Not only does it make your stomach look like you have Kwashiorkor, some of these farts leave a spray can of ass-graffiti on your undergarments. It is the most fun I have had with myself in a long time. Reminds me of the phrase "with great power comes great responsibility". With this Kashi stuff you basically fart loudly on command, the possibilities for awkward moments and hearty laughs are endless. Anonymous on Sep 30 2009, 23:42

Hi everyone. Love is that splendid triggering of human vitality... the supreme activity which nature affords anyone for going out of himself toward someone else. I am from Suriname and also am speaking English, give please true I wrote the following sentence: "One of the able unbadged plots of the legendary money, robert girardi begins a character sculpture of the comic with a then european chaos for the oncoming." Thanks in advance. Heath. Anonymous on Oct 1 2009, 12:15

I came home the other day and my wife was hunched over the dining room table in pain, and she was expelling something so loud and aweful I thought it must have been a demon. We prayed on this. Thanks for informing us it was fiber one bars. Anonymous on Oct 2 2009, 14:32

I just discovered the magic of Fiber One bars last week. These things are awesome, I simply eat one late in the day so the farts don't come in full force until I get home from work, or in the evening a couple of hours before bed. I have never been so regular as I have when eating these, maybe even a bit irregular. They've been great for my hemoroids too, no more straining on the stool. Anonymous on Oct 3 2009, 12:11

I DIDN'T FART, I GOT DIARRHEA! i couldn't fart if i did, poop would come out and my stomach is always doing all these noises and right after i poop i feel like a i need to poop again, but they're soooo good!! Anonymous on Oct 4 2009, 08:27 captain's log...... (literally) im on day 3 of eating these and its the worst idea ever. i cant believe i've made it 3 days and not stopped eating these. i have to apoligize to ppl at work for the noises that come from my cube and i've had to call facilities support to come and swap out my chair. i'll never be the same Anonymous on Oct 7 2009, 17:15

I googled FiberOne to ask a ..uhmmm question..AND THERE in BOLD PRINT was the anwser! "Fiber One Bars make me Fart" OH MY I can NOT QUIT LAUGHING ! THE boldness OF THE HONESTY HERE! BUT(T) I am sitting in the living room with husband ..and since I ATE ONE a couple hours ago..I DARE NOT laugh tooo much... Okay I made him pause his movie but(t) I couldn't quit laughing to TELL on myself looking for this answer! Apparently he does NOT notice (OR thinks there IS a dead animal in the house) that I am haveing a bit of a PrObLeM... HAHAHAHA!! "fiberOnehater" "but they're soooo good"! I agree! I can NOT eat chocolate and have bought the carmel ones... YAY MY very OWN candy bars and they ARE good for me! LOL! I will STILL eat the darn things... MAYBE they have SOME additive that IS addictive in them???? Anonymous on Oct 8 2009, 22:39

Read the warning on the inside of the box. WARNING: The surgeon general has found the consumption of this food can cause severe terminal flatulence. Persons consuming this product should remain in well-ventilated areas and away from open flame. Leave windows open while riding in cars. Avoid public transportation and confined spaces. Do not travel more than 200 feet from a bathroom. Do not mix the consumption of this food with other gas producing foods. It is suggested you carry an air freshener at all times after consuming this product. Anonymous on Oct 11 2009, 13:06

We have been laughing here all day at work as a gal admintted to eating her first fiber one bar today. Needless to say, the problems ensued and she was glade she only had 1. I cannot count how many people were laughing till they were crying over the comments. Now if we can get Taco Bell could introduce a Fiber One Burrito, no thats funny! Peace, and hope to revival of the clean indoor air act! Anonymous on Oct 13 2009, 17:35

Page 56 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I did the search too... I thought something was seriously wrong with me and found this webpage. I am laughing hysterically!! I now call these delicious FiberOne bars...."FART BARS". I had to leave the office early yesterday because I sit in a cube with lot's of coworkers around me. My poor husband slept on the couch last night. This is from ONE "fart bar" that I ate yesterday morning. My husband died laughing when I sent him this webpage today. Good humor people! Anonymous on Oct 15 2009, 11:50

I emailed FiberOne to inquire IF THE side effects (REAR effect) STOP once our bodies GET used to these things.... I eat other fiber each day...and NEVER had this problem... AnYwAyS..... THEY want ME to call them to REPORT the PROBLEM I am having with these things!!! COUlD YOU imagine talking on the phone ...They would probably put it on speaker phone and record it for LAUGHS at each office party! IF anyone WANTS to call them to HELP our cause...the number is: 1-800-775-4777 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. CT, Monday - Friday. Tell US how it goes Anonymous on Oct 16 2009, 08:42

I haven't laughed this hard in SO long! Trust me, I'm not laughing at the comments, I am truly laughing with all of you. My first encounter with the dreaded Fart Bars was about 8 months ago. I started a diet, and along with the diet, I wanted something to be able to snack on during the day. I found these oh so delicious Fiber One bars. Almost immediately, I started farting a LOT. I've always been a bit of a gassy guy, but this more WAY more than normal. I didn't attribute the gas to the bars. I was putting my body through a bit of a shock with my diet, and just thought it was a combination. After a while, I quit eating the bars, and the gas stopped. I still hadn't put 2 and 2 together. Since then, I've kinda fell off the wagon with the diet, and decided to get serious about it again. So, a few days ago, knowing that I was back on my diet, my wife went shopping. What did she return with? Yep, Fiber One bars! I was so happy! I had completely forgotten about how good they were, so, like anyone who has a tasty treat would, I dug in. One the first night, and one the next morning... a couple hours later, I was calling dinosaurs! Holy Hell! Levitating out of my chair, rattling the candle holders on the desk! These were farts from hell! I thought maybe I'd just eaten something that didn't agree with me... little did I know. Well, after a few days, I realized that the only thing I had eaten consistently over the past few days were Fiber One bars, so, I googled "fiber makes you fart" and this page was the first topic. I clicked it to see what everyone had said, and NOW know where these demonic farts are coming from. It does make me a bit sad knowing that my favorite treat does this to me, but I don't care, I just had one while typing this. The bars are so good, I do not see myself giving them up, but I do believe I will practice moderation. Now, only one question remains... should I tell my wife why I've been having such bad gas? She enjoys the bars too. Guess only time will tell. Thanks for all the comments everyone, I'm glad we've got a "support group" here. Happy farting to all! Anonymous on Oct 16 2009, 23:29 agreed! Anonymous on Oct 17 2009, 02:05 found your blog making fun of Wild THings... but this is just flat out racist and shameful. Anonymous on Oct 17 2009, 02:06

I agree completely. I took my 5 year old and she cried 5 times and then for 45 minutes after. I should of taken her out but i kept thinking it would get better. it was the worst movie and the worst experience at the theatre i've had. Anonymous on Oct 17 2009, 10:16 agreed. it's like, i get it, the book was really short, so they were gonna HAVE to make some shit up. what they came up with was annoying. a book about nothing is the perfect chance for someone to write in something with meaning. this movie was seriously about some kid who goes on an island with bipolar monsters who are more drama filled than high school, then leaves. that's it. Anonymous on Oct 18 2009, 04:47

This is racist!!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Oct 18 2009, 13:32

I don't know why you're all complaining. These fiber bars are the greatest edible invention of man kind. I'm a proud farter. They fuel my humor. Anonymous on Oct 18 2009, 23:01 i agree it was terrible. tho i disagree with xesi that it was about nothing. clearly there were subliminal messages that she didnt pick up on but in general i felt it was unnecessarily violent and not suited for kids. which is fine but its a classic kids book and should have been a classic kids movie. worth a watch but not til DVD Anonymous on Oct 19 2009, 01:44

DO NOT TAKE YOUNG CHILDREN TO SEE THIS MOVIE! It was absolutely horrid. I took my 8 yr old daughter; both of us being very eager to see this film that is being hailed as a 'modern masterpiece' and an 'instant classic'. We sat there stunned as this

Page 57 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

wonderful book was totally gutted and left hanging to dry. Nothing like the book at all. All the monsters were constantly arguing and mad at each other, everybody seemed like they were manic-depressive, running around feeling guilty, depressed, angry, sad, etc. The entire spectrum of negative emotions was thoroughly explored in this movie. I felt manipulated while watching this steaming turd. It felt like some strange government psy-op, designed to bring out the worst in people. There were hardly ANY happy moments throughout the entire movie; all the characters (both human and non-human) moped about sadly throughout the film; crying, wallowing in self-pity, anguish, depression, and self-inflicted psychological punishment. Several small children were crying in the theater because it was so sad and negative, I'm not kidding. I am so angry at being deceived. The ads for this film portray it as a positive, magical journey, when it was just the opposite. All it is is a flaming excercise in negativity and self-indulgent wallowing. The movie is jam-packed with subliminal messages and suggestions, all designed to make you feel bad about yourself and others. This one will make you feel awful inside for several hours after you leave the theater. NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHATSOEVER. Nothing but a big shameful sadfest. I wish I could get my money back. No, I wish I could go back in time and choose never to see it. So screw you Spike Jonze, you are a royal d*ckwad and a c*ckbag, sir, for ruining this book and poisoning the minds of our young children. I'll never see any of your movies ever again. Ass. Anonymous on Oct 19 2009, 10:01 toot!!!! My wife dropped her cotton belt last night and this morning, when I woke up; I thought I squeezed out a tapeworm while I was sleeping on Ambien in the middle of the kitchen floor! I have been farting a lot! This haunts my days and voids my soulless shell of a body ready for a kill by any animal that sees fit to kill me. Damn you, Fiber 1!!!!! Anonymous on Dec 10 2009, 02:16

It's the perfect food to eat while listening to Bob Dylan. The answer my friend - is blowing in the wind. Anonymous on May 15 2010, 01:36

OMG the first day i had 1 bar it was so good i ate another one then 2 hours later i had to go to the bathroom and. the 30min later i was farting so loud and i could not stop my self i thought i was going to die because i never felt that way before so i ask my mom could i die from having so much fiber. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who has been through this. one night i ate a bar again just one and i farted so loud my dog was barking so loud and jumping around. lol these bars are so powerful. Anonymous on May 15 2010, 19:05

I had to google it, all I had was one oats and chocolate bar this morning and have had hella huge farts all day. Im going to eat about 3 in the morning. Anonymous on May 16 2010, 18:57

Thank goodness my fear has been confirmed! My first thought of who/what to blame with regards to the amount of gas brewing inside was our neighbor who invited us over for dinner, coincidentally that same day i "enjoyed" my first bowl of KGLC. She made chicken fried steak and served it with the nastiest, greasiest ooze she called gravy. Only out of shear kindness did i consume the oily congeal. Anyway, the volume of gas that expanded my gut and continued to torment me for the next 4 days (i was still eating the Kashi) was unbelievable. I pointed my bony finger of blame at that scoop of fat-jello on the chicken fried steak, by Friday i figured she had clogged my bile duct and my gall bladder would need to come out. Saturday morning i ate NO Kashi and had NO issues. Could it be the cereal?! Well we all know the answer is yeDid the kids get the books we sent? Walter and Junie books? We are sending a bear for 'Kenzy.s, who knew food could be so dangerous! Anonymous on May 18 2010, 11:22

Just enjoy the gas! Go for a group bike ride and execute a chemical attack on your fellow riders. I love the cereal, and the after-effects. Here's an idea if you're a sick sob like me, add raisins for an even more explosive experience! Enjoy! Anonymous on May 18 2010, 12:19

My son ate a bowl of Fiber One cereal before school and also took a Fiber One bar for snack. As he walked toward my car afterschool, he had the most preculiar look on his face. He sat down and said aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. I said what is that look all about? He said, oh man mom I have been waiting to fart all day. All day I had to squeeze my butt cheeks trying not to fart. I was so worried it was going to just come out when someone was near me or when the room was quite. That was torture. The next morning...I get up to make sure everyone is on time and what do I see? My son eating another bowl of Fiber One. Anonymous on May 18 2010, 13:25

This page was really reassuring for me. At first i thought i had something wrong with me, but i'm glad to see that I am not alone. I feel very fortunate that mine are loud and constant, but unscented. Anonymous on May 19 2010, 11:30 my god it is truely a miracle that others have found out to be true what I thought was my problem.. they do taste really good, but awful coming back out.. Anonymous on May 19 2010, 12:55

OMG! this is HI-larious. My husband and I started eating Fiber 1 bars a few weeks ago, and I at first thought it was something else I ate.. but noooo... anyway, we bought two huge boxes (qty=35 each) from Costco.. we will be farting for QUITE a long time.. yesterday at work, i had to toot so badly, and i was accidentally letting some go at my desk.. i couldn't take it anymore.. and the little fan i have at my desk was making me cold, so i fast-walked to the restroom only to my HORROR.. as i rounded the corner heading into the

Page 58 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

hallway towards the bathroom, i released the loudest toooooooot! I didn't laugh.. just played it off as my shoe or something (yeah right)... and was relieved when there was no one in the hallway (even though the explosion occurred right next to someone else's cubicle). I will show my hubby this site when i get home.. the other night he told me he ate THREE fiber 1 bars that day! man... he was in a very bad way! i'm going to make it up to him.. i just finished off my first one of the day.. but should probably wait until i am in the car heading home.. or it might BACK FIRE on me!!!! HAHA... Alas, I wish I had time to read all the comments on this post.. but the few I've digested should for this day be the wind beneath my @$$. Also.. BTW, "Cute Toots" isn't just some nomaker i made up on the spot.. my husband actually calls me that sometimes... i will blame the Fiber 1 bars! ohhh soo yummmmmy!!! Anonymous on May 19 2010, 13:38

What an assholy thing to post. Just for the clicks? hope you die in a fire. Anonymous on May 19 2010, 18:33

OH MY GOSH!!! I'm doubled over in pain with tears rolling down from my eyes! Why? Because of the FIBER ONE FARTS that won't stop exploding from my rear!!! This hilariously true page didn't help either! I thought I was farting so much cause I ate more yogurt than usual today, but NO, it is definitely the two fiber one bars I ate earlier. UGH like it hurts, I keep having to go to the potty and my stomach hurts from the gas gas gas gas gas gas that won't stop. Laughing from this page isn't helping... especially since my dog has gas too right about now XD oh goodness it hurts and I've never been more thankful that my family is asleep! Anonymous on May 20 2010, 04:17

Wow! It's not just me! I started eating KGLC about 3 weeks ago & knew it had to be the cereal making me fart like never before. It gives me such LOUD stomach growls..freaks my dog out. The worst is in the mornings. Sometimes I'll crave something sweet at night & have a bowl of Kashi. The next morning I will walk all over the house just blowing gas with every step!!! Like it's been sitting in my guts all night just waiting for an escape. My poor kids. They're little & my butt is just about at their eye level. I've noticed them gagging a little in the mornings when I have my terrible gas. One of them even told me I always smell like a toot all day long. Isn't it crazy how powerful Kashi farts are? Maybe I should give this stuff up...it's just so good & healthy. Anonymous on May 21 2010, 00:31

While I eat a different bar I like (I have eaten Fiber One), I have named these bars "Fart Bars". I always warn my hubby when I've eaten one! Anonymous on May 21 2010, 13:28

I ate these at lunch break one time at work. It was a Friday. So about so many hours later, I started getting gas. The gas continued until about 8 pm. I thought it would wind down by about then. I ended up going out that night to a bar to meet up with some friends. And then the REAL gas kicked in. It was a big loud crowded bar. I just started farting because no one could hear it and I couldn't smell anything. No one around me said anything. It was one fart right after another about 1 or 2 minutes apart. It was so much that I don't think it even smelled. It was just pure air. Anyhow, it finally go so painful and bad, I just walked out of the bar and headed straight for my car. I sat inside my car, and then let out about a 4 minute fart. Let's just say I was really pissed. I knew it was those damn fibre bars and it completely ruined a good night out with my friends. I had to leave early and no one knew why. I hate general mills and I will never eat any of their crap ever again. I've learned that the bigger and well known the corporation is, then the cheaper crappier food they make. If they don't put that nasty cheap high fructose corn syrup in their junk food, then they put the nasty sugar alcohols or fiber fart crap. It's all bad and I pretty much each organic anymore. I'll eat sugary foods, but usually only foods made with raw unrefined sugar or evaporated cane juice. It's still sugar, but it doesn't make me fart and doesn't give me the runs. Anonymous on May 22 2010, 12:43

I farted LOUDLY five times reading this. I just got home from getting a mani/pedi and it got so painful I had to tell the guy it was hot, and he turned the air wayyyy down. It was so hot because I have been holding the Kashi farts in! Can you imagine farting in the peducurist's face??? I got home and after a minute long fart I had to google 'Kashi Go-Lean Gas' and voila! Also, for some reason it makes my constipated rabbit poopies come out like they are little rockets lauched! I swear..I just went in for a tinkle, and I accidentally launch an attack on the septic system at work! I was even afraid that they would hear through the thick wall on the other side! Target had a sale..buy 5 boxes get a $5.00 gift card. So, guess who bought 15 boxes..yep. And, I'm not the quitting type. Letterrrr Rippppp!!! I have this same reaction to Fiber One..and I quit that. But, I'm deeply invested into Kasih! Anonymous on May 22 2010, 19:52

I agree with several posters, it is not the fiber causing the problem. Just do a search for the first ingredient shown on the box graphic above. Anonymous on May 23 2010, 20:49

I know that this is a joke, in somebody's mind, but it is a sick one, just like all the other ones you have listed.....some people just have to get their 15 minutes of fame...so they must be happy that they are now famously STUPID! Thanks for allowing us to glimpse the bottom of the shallow end of the DNA pool. Now go grim at yourself in your bathroom mirror... Anonymous on May 23 2010, 23:22

This is a joke right? They make it sound like a sale at the mall. Kids are going to grow up thinking abortion is like candy. buy so much get some free. they don't tell you the consequences of either of them. Anonymous on May 23 2010, 23:31

Page 59 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

i almost made a trip to the emergency room because of the excruciating pain. but, now i know. i gave two bars to coworkers at a meeting this past friday. one of them ate it during the meeting, the other one saved it... no wonder why! might have to call the day off from work tomorrow... it's that bad! Anonymous on May 24 2010, 09:00

Ahhh, fellow farters I have to say I am glad on one hand that I am not the only one suffering, but on the other hand, its alarming how many people are suffering from Fiber 1 attacks. When I first bought a box, I was working in Vancouver. The firbre bar tasted really good, but really quickly my insides felt like Tornado Alley, my gut was flipping inside out and I bloated like a dead fish in the sun. I wasn't sure when they farts were coming out and I was supposed to be standing quiety doing crowd control. The crowd at the Olympic bobsleigh event was not yelling for the race, they were yelling because I ripped a 6 min fart and they nearly gassed everone out. Thankfully the foggy weather prevented them from IDing me. GAWD, I qucikly checked my ass to see if my pants were still intact. Roger that, for the time being. Had I known I would have worn cotten boxers to help reinforce the blast zone. I finally figured out that it was the Fibre 1 disease bars and stopped eating them. I dropped 20 lbs in about a month - it was likely all rotten air. For the love of clean air, PLEASE stop eating this crap! Anonymous on May 24 2010, 22:20

I too experienced excessive gas with fiber bars and cereals in the beginning. I also looked it up on the net to find out why this is caused. I belive what the fiber bars do in my colon is a good thing. Once you clean yourself out a little the gas will decrease.Everything good comes with a price. Don't eate fiber bars before going to church and quit being a big baby. Anonymous on May 25 2010, 11:44

I ate three of these Devil Bars yesterday and was feeling pretty good. When i woke up this morning around 7 a.m. my stomach was cramped and ready to explode. I made a frantic sprint to the bathroom. What happened next can only be described as the single greatest / loudest / satisfying bowel movement of my entire life. I can' be sure, but I think I may have found the actual cause of the Gulf Oil Spill, TOO MANY PEOPLE EATING FIBER ONE BARS AT THE SAME TIME!!!! Mark my words....I will never eat another one of these bars as long as I live!!! Anonymous on May 25 2010, 12:15

So I decided I needed more fiber in my diet, and bought some fiber one cereal, and some fiber one bars. Had a big bowl of fiber one cereal with a fiber bar yesterday, and a fiber one bar earlier today. Since last night I have been farting almost non stop. Right now im farting every couple of minutes it wont stop!! No more fiber one for me! Anonymous on May 25 2010, 18:49

Oh my I had to check out what is wrong with me ... all of sudden I have the worst grosses gas ever... and I feel toxic. Now reading what everyone else is going through..... Fiber Ones is the worst thing made .... our bodies cant handle it. I thought I had to go to the doctor myself... I gotta say.. however they create this product it taste yummy but the after effect is just wrong.... I am dumping this cramp today:) I feel I am ready to blow a hemmy. Anonymous on May 25 2010, 19:34

Yup. Fart for hours after eating one. Can't stop. Hilarious. Anonymous on May 27 2010, 19:54 you're cold hearted. man. seriously, i am now going back to re-read what you had to say, just to make sure you deserve the statement. Anonymous on May 28 2010, 15:53

I think it is really funny that so many people call you a sick batard, fucking asshole, cold hearted, etc. and say that you have no respect for human life but... right after that they say things like I hope you die in a fire, DROP DEAD, etc. ahahahaha that is fucking hilarious!!! Princess Diana was no better than a lot of people! There are people you do just as much for charity every single day but they don't get the recognition she did because they aren't royalty. Let's even ONE UP her! There are people who barely have enough money to take care of themselves and they still give to charities! Anonymous on May 28 2010, 21:58

Oh for fuck's sake already! It's a PICTURE. It can do you no harm..... You people need to really lighten up. Anybody who doesn't understand how all the islama-terrorists get so bent when someone draws a little picture of the "great and powerful mohammad" ... should come read the comments here. Wow. Amazing. And sad. Anonymous on May 30 2010, 08:03

WOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! On The Real? Why The Hell Would You Say ALL THAT BULL SHIT About Her? She Really Did Do A

Page 60 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

LOT And she Has A Reason To Be Remembered. I Don't Even Know You But You Seem Like The Type Of Person That'd Be The Biqqest Asshole In The Face Of The Earth. Fckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Yuuuu Anonymous on May 30 2010, 12:02

I have always been a very gassy person, so after consistently eating at least one of these bars a day for about a month I didn't notice much of a change in my farts at all. I guess that is a sad statement about my regular gas levels. Finally, after a month (if not more) of eating these I did notice a horrible bloating in my bowels. I thought "Could it be from that little bean burrito i ate yesterday?" no no I decided the bloating had been there for a few days. Then it hit me: Those bars. My sister the accountant conferred they make her bloated sometimes and nearly always give her gas as well. I suggest you discontinue your use before they bloat your belly uncomfortably. I think the culprit might be the chicory root. Anonymous on May 31 2010, 21:45

What is wrong with u people she was a loving mother and wife who was riped apart by the royal family and she did not diserve to die what would posses someone to say such horrible things. Think about her kids. How would u feel if someone said these things about your mother. She was only 36 and gave so much. She diserves nothing but respect even now that god bless her she's gone Anonymous on Jun 2 2010, 20:44 you are callinf us retarted when we have the savoir so before you point fingers saying there retarted look in the mirror and point to yourself Anonymous on Jun 3 2010, 18:51 wow! the world is FULL of ignorant, haters. Anonymous on Jun 4 2010, 10:52

It's kinda funny how I'm reading these while I'm on the toilet... because of the Fiber One bars. Anonymous on Jun 4 2010, 12:21

Holy crap. I bought these bars earlier this week as a way to get a quick breakfast on the way to work. Needless to say it's been the most unconformable week of my life. I thought something was seriously wrong with me until I realized it was these goddamn Fiber One bars. One little bar last the entire day!! Farting NON-STOP!! Why would they make these??? Anonymous on Jun 6 2010, 20:07

I bought the Target generic version...same effect...my cube mate next to me actually asked the janitor to install one of those time release air fresheners. Janitor laughed at him even though the request was serious. Anonymous on Jun 7 2010, 09:37

Thank you grocery store for the 4 boxes (5 bars each) for $10 trick. They were so good, I ate all 20 within a week. Five in one day. After reading these posts, I need not elaborate on the kind of week I've had. 7 hours straight today without interruption. Thank you all for the great laughs and obvious side effects that came with my laughter. Perhaps now I'm a couple hours ahead of schedule in getting my social life back! Anonymous on Jun 7 2010, 15:22

Anonymous, look how your religion was created you idiot. FUCK MORMONS, WIERD GULLABLE BASTARDS! Anonymous on Jun 8 2010, 09:02 you idiot your an asshole she was the princess Anonymous on Jun 8 2010, 17:03

Does clean vagina have smell also? Anonymous on Jun 8 2010, 18:15

There is no such thing as a clean vagina. It's a myth. Anonymous on Jun 8 2010, 18:48

MY GOD!!!!!!! This website is a godsend. i thought i had something wrong with my ass, but i ate like 5 of these things today. I've already farted 3 times since i started writing this. thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!! Holy shit my farts smell bad... Anonymous on Jun 9 2010, 03:35

No joke this is so true, thank you all for the confirmation. Second day second bar, wondering why the heck I had such bad gas. Third day no bar, forth day another bar realized immediately the cause and couldn't stop giggling with every fart. Let's just say we slept with the window open that night.

Page 61 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Jun 9 2010, 17:00

I bought the store brand of these yesterday and I have never been so grateful to have severe allergy problems that rob me of my sense of smell. I ate one earlier for lunch and all I can say is that it's a good thing my parents are gone for the weekend or else I'd never hear the end of it! I'm not going to touch another one of these things any time soon. Anonymous on Jun 11 2010, 20:19

This is so true. These bars are so delicious but if you are scared to poot freely, these bars are not for you. Because they give you so much gas, it's just crazy. I even bought the off brand and it's no less gas than brand. I ate one at work on yesterday and I could hear the gas rumbling around in my body trying to escape. It's like the more you poot, the more gas builds back up and you have to poot again, again and again. And I mean these poots come out loud. I was standing outside talking to my neighbor, she was talking and laughing and I was talking, laughing and blowing off big poots. LOL!!!! Anonymous on Jun 12 2010, 11:09

If you would have read anything about her, you would never have written such a terrible thing!!!!!!!!! How would you like it if someone wrote such horrible things about you! She was the" Mother of Princes". I feel very sorry for you. You must be a very angry person! After all: What has Princess Diana ever done to you? May God Our Father Have mercy on you! Remember you reep what you sew. Anonymous on Jun 12 2010, 18:45

This website was hilarious! I love the taste of Kashi...had it for breakfast for the first time this week and I had that the same problem....so much gas it was uncontrollable and couldn't stop going to the bathroom! After that first bowl of cereal I went to work...ran into the bathroom 10 x in a row...tried to hold it in, was tortuous. Hard when your boss is standing right over you!!! I didn't realize it was the Kashi so I had another bowl the other day....same thing happened and at night I went to visit my parents and it didn't stop there. my mom actually looked at me and said "what the heck is wrong with you????" after I was tootin' away lol.... I'm glad I googled Kashi and gas because this finally solves the problem for me - couldn't figure out what it was until now! Anonymous on Jun 13 2010, 11:46

I'm telling you right now, they could have used these as a torture device at Guantanamo (Gauntanapoo). I'm pregnant and haven't been eating right. So I picked these up thinking they'd be great for quick breakfast. Since I've been eating them, I've been even sicker and assumed this pregnancy was kicking my ass. Today, I grabbed two of these to munch on for breakfast. Later in the day, I felt so sick and again, just figured I had not eaten enough, so I had another one. O.M.G. I'm dying. My husband spent the day making fun of me for my obnoxious sounds and odors. He said I'm farting every 30 seconds. But he wanted something to eat at about 9pm and you guessed it, chocolate and oats was too tempting. I'm laughing so hard right now because the man is dying. I feel so bad for our dogs tonight. It's going to be a long one. Thank goodness for this website. I finally made the connection and Googled "Fiber One bars causing gas." This site was the first one that came up. Anonymous on Jun 13 2010, 23:07

OMG!!!! All I can say is I understand why it's called Go Lean. Not only have I had dynamite-like, long-winded farts all day after eating a Jethro-sized bowl of the granola this morning, but have also been to the outhouse 'bout 15 times today! Yes, and poop shrapnel around the bowl. Painful reminder of the colonoscopy prep last year. Oh, and don't think you can slip one out in this condition, as you may need to launder your underpants. Unbelievable. Did someone say odorless? Not!!! Burnt-my-tail-coming-out kinda fart, and we all know what THOSE smell like! I guess it's my fault since I ate so much, and haven't eaten much fiber in quite some time. I think the cereal is delicious, but have decided to only eat it on my days off from work! Anonymous on Jun 14 2010, 21:46

I love these stories about fiber one bars. They are from a non human form. I have problems with my colen so i was told to eat fiber one bars. Yes they are very goooood, but damn the gas they pack could fill my van for months. My family thinks it is funny and call me dolphen butt. I think it isnot worth the suffering that i have to be put through.GOD BLESS ALL WHO EAT THESE. Maybe it is Gods joke on us. Anonymous on Jun 14 2010, 23:49

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I came to this page from a link that a friend posted on Facebook. I read about 15 comments and my stomach hurt so bad from laughing I couldn't stop. This is the best comment section in life. Anonymous on Jun 17 2010, 02:16

As I sit here in agony with gut wrenching pains in my belly, I am comforted to know that I too, am not alone!! I am in tears from laughing so hard....I worry that I will laugh so hard that I will let one loose as I sit here in my cube with several co-workers around me!! This has been the most educational and hilarious website I have ever visited!! Im afraid Im going to have to 86 the Fiber One bars in my pantry.....it is not worth it....even if they do taste de-lish!!! Shocking they are even still on the store shelves!! Anonymous on Jun 17 2010, 13:37

OMG!!!!!!!! I just shit my pants!!!!!! Anonymous on Jun 17 2010, 13:59

Fuck the Mormons. They are just a very large cult that changes its doctrine according to political pressure. Perhaps "their" God can't make up his mind. Examples being. ..poligamy and African American men holding the priesthood. Fuck them for not knowing how to

Page 62 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

differentiate between matters of church and state with their involvement in prop 8. Fuck you all brainwashed cult members. May the real God have mercy on you Anonymous on Jun 17 2010, 15:20

Hey get me sum o dat I gaht sum vigienuhs I need toe cheque!!!!! Anonymous on Jun 17 2010, 23:37

I like fishsticks Anonymous on Jun 19 2010, 14:46

I Like Fish Sticks too... I like the fish sticks in my mouth... I love a hot fish stick. Anonymous on Jun 20 2010, 04:13

Just saw this movie, and didn't know what to think. The story was so vague and had nothing to do with the book. The only thing those 'wild things' were doing is destroying property and destroying eachother. Some people might say that this movie is brilliant and has a very deep meaning and all that stuff, but no. The movie in short: Some kid doesn't get 24/7 hour attention of his mom, and gets angry about that. Then he goes downstairs, sees his mom with some guy (his dad probably died and his mom is dating again) The kid makes a scene, mom gets angry, and the kid totally goes banana's. Kid runs away, finds some boat, somehow makes it to some island and meets some weird things. These 'things' all have some psychic disorder and the kid wants to make them happy, but fails and rips the intire social system of the group down. Then things get worse and worse and finally the kid is leaving. Everybody is left destroyed. The kid comes home and mom makes him something to eat, and falls asleep. Thats the movie.

I don't get it. I'm pretty smart, but i really, really think this movie just SUCKED. Anonymous on Jun 20 2010, 16:30

Wow dude your fuckin sick. People mourn her because she was an icon and because of the way she died. Just because it annoys you doesnt mean you have to publicly bash her its extremely disrespectful Grow up and find something better to do with your life than bash a dead princess Your a disgrace and you fucking disgust me Anonymous on Jun 20 2010, 16:51

LOLOL!!!!! Yeah, that's what I did!!!! Well, just skid marks... Anonymous on Jun 20 2010, 21:34

The wife got them fibre bars. I didn’t think much of it. I was thinking just another bar, until we ate them. That night I was letting out nuke fart bombs like ww2. The wife in the other room was bombing back. It was like a war zone! the poor cats what almost shell shocked. Not to mention the deadly muster gas that was lingering in the air, so thick you could cut it with a knife. . Now we know why you’re called the general...General Mills!!!!! Anonymous on Jun 21 2010, 00:26

Jesus, my mom said i ahould eat some and gas out the whole state of minnesota. I can see it now. Laying in the bed and you hear the fart of a freaking whale and the covers fly up. " Hey jonathon. try someof this Kashi Go FART." ------5HOURS LATER---- "Today the "browns" are in the "super bowl" and the weather conditions are quite hectic today" Wow...i cant wait to try this stuff Anonymous on Jun 21 2010, 02:00

As detestable as your paragraph is, it is quite necessary to have the other side represented, as you have done. People are so obnoxiously obsessed with this event, and somebody has to counter their ridiculousness. Anonymous on Jun 21 2010, 05:56

Here is a tip for dealing with these delicious bars at work: Hold your farts as long as you can. Then go to the bathroom. Sit down and make a toilet paper ball. Hold the ball under your asshole while you fart and it works like a silencer. I think it controls the smell too. Good luck! Anonymous on Jun 21 2010, 23:07

Im a poker dealer here in Vegas and made the mistake of eating 3 bars before work. I had eaten two and got gas but didnt think anything of it and ate one more. These bars are so tasty. I actually had to call out of work because I would have been fired or at the very least sent home. The smell is horrible and my shorts had to go right in the trash. Ive had worse smelling farts in the past but never did I have such rapid fire farts. They were in constant 30 second intervals. How can they sell these things? Anonymous on Jun 22 2010, 07:26

Page 63 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

On those special evenings when you and your honey are watching TV...... feed her a Fiber One bar...... in about an hour bring out the lighter and start lighting her farts...... enjoy the butt fireworks from the girl of your dreams. Knowing she can fart like a Truck Driver will bring the two of you closer. Anonymous on Jun 22 2010, 07:29

It's good to know that I'm not alone! Both my sister and I have been enjoying these deliciously dangerous creations for years. We know what will come of our asses after we eat them, but we can't resist. Our addiction to them is greater than that of a crack addict. In my experience, the gas only lingers in my digestive track for about a day and by the next morning it's all escaped. A small (smelly) price to pay for one delicious treat! Anonymous on Jun 22 2010, 11:24

One morning, I skipped breakfast and ran out the door to pick up a new colleague who had flown in for a very important client meeting. I spent an agonizing 8 hours with this fellow and by the time the day was over my stomach had swelled to such a degree that I looked four months pregnant. I dropped him at his hotel and it was ON! Filling up my car with fuel, I was afraid that I was going to ignite. Anonymous on Jun 22 2010, 14:22 look i chowed down on like 3 of these bars in 2 days not only did they wreck my tummy they gave me the green apple squirts , i mean dear god i was afraid i was going to shit my pants, it was the most nasty thing to put into my system of all time, really bad gas with massive hershy squirts, they combination of the two really jacked up the toilet at work, i would be fine talking and doing my job , and wham,, dude i would have to run holding my ass cheecks as tight as i could to make the bathroom. i was like w.t.f.? i thought it was a bad taco. but now i no. Anonymous on Jun 23 2010, 12:57

Yep. I tried one at my mom's house and within an hour and a half or so, it was total "lift off." I started calling them "fart bars." And mom was wondering why she had the "walking farts" all the time! She'd stand up, fart, then putt-putt down the hall all the way to the bathroom! Anonymous on Jun 24 2010, 23:05

I COMPLETELY agree with Spike Jonze Should Eat This. Truer words have never been spoken. And any person who says this movie represents childhood in any way has been exposed to drug abuse way too early in their lives. Spike Jonze is such a jackass. Anonymous on Jun 25 2010, 18:37

OK, I'm a 40-year-old woman normally not that interested in farts, but I was so blown away (haha) by what came out of my butt after I ate Kashi granola bars, then, yesterday, Kashi crackers that I Googled Kashi and gas. What the heck is in that stuff??? Anonymous on Jun 25 2010, 22:09

I ALWAYS get the fiber one farts. Normally I try to avoid them, but this morning I was going to work and I grabbed one so I could eat on the go. This was at 9:00 am, and 6 hours later, I still hadn't farted. WHAT A MIRACLE! So... I decided to risk it, and have another for a snack. Within about 20 minutes the farts came. I should've known better.... if only I had quit while I was ahead. Anonymous on Jun 26 2010, 18:20 i can't believe the hatred comments i been reading and especially from TK who started up this shit. It is true the media made a spectical of Diana's personal life but hell nobody is perfect it was Charles who drove her to do it when he was seeing that ugly bitch Camilla. If i was in Diana's shoes and Charles did that to me i would had done the same thing. But Diana did devote her life to helping to those unfortunate and she should be remembered for that. To all who made the hatred comments about her. You just better hope and pray to god you better not cross paths with me because your sorry hypocrite asses will be kissing the ground LOW LIFE MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Jun 30 2010, 03:28

What can I say. I started eating fiber one bars 2 months ago and could'nt believe the frequency of atomic explosions eminating from my butt. My friend Henry named them fart bars. And to top that, the smell is unreal. I farted in the car last saturday and the smell lasted for at least an hour. We stopped in to say hello to my sis at work and when she came out to greet us, she said she smelled terribly rotten garbage thinking a garbage truck must of just passed by. LOL. I love these things and eat 4 a day. I also top it with a protein drink which has intensified the aroma. My poor wife! At first it was funny to her. Now she is contemplating divorce. HMMM. What will be my choice? Fiber one / Wife? Anonymous on Jun 30 2010, 10:39

She will always live on! Thanks for posting your comment,in doing so lets her live on. So keep up the good work in helping remember who she was.All of you can say what you want. All the negativity being talked about her keeps her memory alive! So do yourself a favor. If you want to forget about her DONT LOOK HER UP!End of YOUR problem! Anonymous on Jun 30 2010, 14:56

FIBER ONE FARTS!!!! i a 15 yearold girl nd my 21 yearold sister have found many things WRONG!!!!!! with this product at first i thought i was dieing i have NEVER FARTED SO MUCH!!! that i ate one befor iwent to sleep nd dreamed it too...nd u know the rest my sister experincing pain as she goes for work in the morings nd holding it in .....i know many ppl who write on this are adults but im a kid nd holding it in for 4HOURS in summer school....i dont know how u ppl surive at work nd our mom BOUGHT THE 30 pacck!!! D;....funny thing is yes we are evil nd im a kid so me nd my sister are going to had these out to our friends nd co-workers to marow Anonymous on Jul 1 2010, 01:18

Page 64 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I ate two bowls of Kashi for breakfast this morning and another bowl in the afternoon. I've been working 9-5 today and I'm still farting like crazy. These comments are hilarious though. I died laughing at work. Anonymous on Jul 1 2010, 17:42

We love Fiber One bars... I tell my little ones that they're candy bars... USE THEM SPARINGLY! I can one-up the bars.... oh, the muffins... particularly the banana chocolate chip muffins...... delicious. And the yogurt- oh so good. Please, for the love of all that is sacred in your life, never, EVER combine the 2 in one day.Hell- not in at least 24 hours. Running short on time for breakfast? Grab a muffin to go! Packing your lunch as a healthy alternative to fast food? Don't skip the calcium- grab one of those Fiber One yogurts from the fridge..... nothing worse than trying to hold in a fart when a co-worker is dangerously close to your desk... then trying to squeak out a SBD... and oops- I pooed myself at work. Anonymous on Jul 1 2010, 18:51

OMG!! I am laughing so hard, I have tears in my eyes!! I thought I was the only one enduring this "intense bloating" to say the VERY least. I gave one to my BF but he did not have any adverse effect, so I assumed it was my body chemistry but as I was bored at work, I stated typing FIBER ONE bars and bloating and OMG pages and pages of results similar to the ones on here. This is too funny. I just laughed so loud reading this in the office, my colleague walked in my office asking me what was happening!!! Anonymous on Jul 2 2010, 17:22

OMG this is so funny, I am so glad this is happening to not just me. I went to the movie theatre after eating 4 Oats and Chocolate bars because they were so addicting and I could not stop eating them. Boy, did I regret it. I couldn't stop farting all night and i had bad stomach cramps, I'd never had Fiber One bars before so I thought it had to be those. Well never again the amazing taste is not worth it to be embarassed or in pain. Anonymous on Jul 3 2010, 08:59

For an interesting twist, try the cheap store brand bars. The twist of course is in your intestine. Anonymous on Jul 3 2010, 21:31

As i sit here in pain, and wishing that i had a tub of diaper cream to put on my burning ass hole I just realized fiber one is to blame. About a month ago I went to samsclub and made the worst purchase of my life. I thought fiber one bars looked delicious and would be a healthy snack to take in my lunch every day, little did i know the havoc it would wreak on my GI tract. After eating these bars for about a week, i realized i was farting uncontrollably and with everyday the smell would become more and more repulsive. When I would consume any food other then these bars I could literally feel it move through my insides. I was full of gas and kept thinking it was caused by every other thing i ate but little did i know, It was these tasty, chocolaty, crack sprinkled treats that I was eating on a daily basis. Tonight I came to realize just how truly evil these bar were when I almost shat myself at the grocery store while checking out. I feverishly scurried to locate a restroom where I could unleash the hell building inside of my butt hole, to my dismay, there just had to be another woman walking into the restroom at the same time. I never in my adult life have been brought to tears over stomach pains and I have had a colonoscopy before (if you have ever had one, you know what I'm talking about). I found myself sitting on a public toilet so nauseous because I was holding it in to avoid embarassment that I vomited in my mouth. I flushed the toilet three times in a row to mask the noise of the liquid fiber one that was exiting my body. As I stated before I bought these godforsaken granola bars of doom at sams club so you can only imagine the large box of them that remains. The only way to destroy these chocolatly bars of "fuck!" is to burn them, they way they did my asshole, I still can not sit. Thanks fiber one. Anonymous on Jul 3 2010, 22:24

I too have experience the essence of these evil bars. Actually I have perfected my outake - for every 3 posts I read here, one fart gets unleashed. Please people for the love of God keep on posting... Anonymous on Jul 5 2010, 22:08

Googled "Kashi Go-Lean makes my ass explode" There should be a warning on the box. Reading the comments, you can see this stuff has caused considerable pain, and also wasted a lot of time as each person worries and experiments until they find that Kashi is the problem. BOOM. Anonymous on Jul 6 2010, 18:37

A guy sits in front of TV all day after eating a box of fiber one bars, farting like there's no tommorrow. But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog puke. The wife, understandably is angry , and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna fart your guts out." THe next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for sunday lunch, Hubbie eats another fiber one bar then falls asleep. THe wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then went back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened. "What happened?" asked his wife. "Well," the man said, "you were right. I farted my guts out." "What did you do?" asked his wife. "Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!" Anonymous on Jul 9 2010, 00:51

Page 65 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

What did the maxi-pad say to the fiber one bar fart? You are the wind beneath my wings. Anonymous on Jul 9 2010, 01:03

1st, using google 7/9/2010 Anonymous on Jul 9 2010, 08:36

Wow, there are two years worth of comments on here! Amazing, and up to 15 minutes ago I thought I was the only one suffering with this. I'm so glad that it's not true. I only eat one of these things a day, rarely two a day. But still the stomach pain and farts have been reee-diculous. I have had farts so strong and long that I can see my stomach go down as I let it out. I'm so lucky that I have a large cubicle at work (as well as several empty folders to use for fanning). But seriously, these things are so tasty. I love the peanut butter and chocolate ones. I blame the man on the TV ads with the immaculate black hair and ESP, he's a good salesman. Anonymous on Jul 9 2010, 09:50

OMG!! These bars are amazingly taty and deadly! The farts produced by these horrible shits are epic. They will be PERFECT for prankibg people. I have had close enconters with some people who have been prayed upon by these demons who have brought he'll to earth: I honestly didn't believe in global warming before this happEned, but let me tell you now I will not be surprised whn there are a thousand holes in the ozone layer. My brother consumed 2 of these bars and an hour or two later, helll exploded into our faces. I was at the time attempting to teach him a dance. That didn't go as planned considering the fact that he stormed out if the room approximately every 1 min. And produced THE loudest/longest farts EVER recorded in human history. Of course, only minutes later the smell came wafting into the room. I all but puked..... GROSS I HATE fiber one bars (or as I have heard them called before "ass fuel") not only because they can evacuate a room In less then seconds but because my brother is hopelessly addicted to them..... Anonymous on Jul 10 2010, 01:09

Just goes to show that even though you wrote this 10 years after she has died, now its been almost 13, people still love an mourn the loss of their princess.. i personally didnt have much attachment, seeing as i was 11 when she died.. but because of her death (and of course my grandmother and mother loved her) i learned alot about her and gave a speech about her once.. no one needs to defend the way she lived her life.. she was a only human, and we all have our faults.. just look at yours.. she was, to this day, one of the most amazing human beings on this planet.. (compared even with mother teresa).. still i think you should know that as you bash this woman and show fake pictures(you can research the fact that diana had barely a drop of blood on her face which i learned at the age of 11) you cant stop people from remembering her.. im sorry you had to do something like this in hopes to be remembered in the slightest bit but u have absolutely no effect on these peoples lives.. your an embarrassment to man kind.. but thats okay.. karma is a bitch for people like you Anonymous on Jul 10 2010, 03:42

These treats are so delicious I can't resist the temptation, even though I know the consequences. Even if you think your poot is going to be small, it comes out hard and loud. I ate one the other night before I went to bed as a little snack, and soon as my eyes opened I was passing gas. I pooted all the way to work and all day long at work. And then all the way home from work and all night long. I was walking my dog and poots was flying out on there own. It's definately crazy. But they are so good. It's my way of staying away from junk food. Anonymous on Jul 10 2010, 18:09 wow them bars are da bomb.. im not kidding i had Nuclear Farts- 40% fallout of Underthunder Anonymous on Jul 11 2010, 00:40 your not kidding thunder from down under i blown holes in a few pairs of underwear.. i like gold but not in my shorts Anonymous on Jul 11 2010, 14:33

Fiber One Bars taste great but I went on a hike yesterday and ate two of these things as a snack, and I ate another one after dinner that evening when I got home. The night after and the following morning I had the worst gas. Now I eat a high fiber diet and I think it makes me fart more than most people but mine never seemed to smell so it was never a big problem. The thing with the fiber one bars is they not only make you fart consistently (at least one huge fart every 4-5 minutes – add it up over the course of a few hours and you’re releasing more green house gas into the atmosphere than Mater) but the smell is unexplainably awful. I let out a few last night in our living room while my wife was in the kitchen and I thought it was safe because we had all of the windows open, but she came into the room maybe 10 minutes after and said “good God I hope that was the dog, it smells like a mixture of rotten eggs and skunk.― I had to confess that awful smell was not from the dog but from me. Not only is the smell horrid but they linger for what seems like forever AND when they come out my ass they burn like heck. Here I am at work in my cubicle but holding them in because if my boss happens to walk in here within the next 10 minutes he will think there is a dead animal or something in here. Off to the bathroom I go to let out a giant, peel-the-paint-off-the-walls fart. God help me. Anonymous on Jul 12 2010, 13:35 im an atheist, but i think you guys are going too far with all this. everybody believes what they believe. theres no right or wrong thing about that. the only thing that is wrong is when ya'll write stuff like all that. 'fuck the mormons' 'FUCK MORMONS, WIERD GULLABLE BASTARDS!' **S T E R E O T Y P I N G. shit, all of you just shut up and be happy;) nobody like negativity, i bet most of you guys dont even think about other ways earth was created&shit. just believing what you were grown up believing. think about it, its all science. oh, and if there was a god, would he really want you guys to be saying 'fuck mormons' and shit? hahahahaha you guys are so stupid, and you dont see how dumb and immature you are being. bye:)

Page 66 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Jul 12 2010, 14:25

Better an empty apartment, then an unwanted tenant...... I haven't laughed this hard in years. I am tempted to try it once but i'm scared! Anonymous on Jul 12 2010, 23:54

I have had one encounter with Fiber One bars...... it was most unpleasant. At first I thought it was the homemade tacos I had...... Until I read this site. Not only could I not contain all the gas, later I couldn't even let any gas go without getting a little extra surprise on the side. Have you heard the expression "I could shit through a screen door".....that doesn't even begin to describe the devastating effects that this fiber one bar had on my bowel movement...... I would say it was more like I could shit through a 5 micron filter.....These things are evil and should be banned, especially from young children and the elderly because they may cause death! Anonymous on Jul 13 2010, 12:20

OMG I googled "Fiber One Bars + gas" and ran across the post about Fiber One and then followed the side link to this one...I have been eating one cup of Kashi GoLean Crunch for breakfast and a Fiber One bar for a snack. Not a good combination but HEY they're really low in Weight Watchers points! I was crying because I was laughing so hard at these posts. Thanks for the afternoon picker-upper! Anonymous on Jul 13 2010, 15:54

Wow, I was looking for a way to stop the gas I seemed to be getting from cereal in general and I am so glad I found this page! I thought I was becoming a serious old fart. I ate a large bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch at the office and by lunchtime I was hoping no one was going to get on the elevator with me. It was incredibly embarrassing. I read this, and what I did was just limit my morning bowl of Kashi to what I would usually consider a half bowl. Then the gas is minimal. And the cereal is really good. Anonymous on Jul 14 2010, 13:34

GEEEEEEEEEEEEZ. I took a laxative to expedite the perpetrator's departure. Anonymous on Jul 14 2010, 16:29

Holy hell you're a freak. I hope God gives you a slow miserable death for all the shit you did here. Anonymous on Jul 15 2010, 23:09

OMG!!! These posts are so funny! I thought I was having an issue with gas unitl I found this page. I'm glad I am not alone. I've been running to the bathroom every 30 mins just to fart. Not a little fart, but a long and noisy one. Hahahaha. I guess I won't be eating this unless I am home and my kids won't mind playing a little farting game. Anonymous on Jul 16 2010, 14:53

I'm glad I'm not alone. I really regret eating the whole box last night. It's been a non-stop fart fiesta for 24 hours. Never in my life have I farted for so long, loud, and in such consistent intervals. At 238 posts so far I hope general Mills is paying attention. If you eat these bars don't plan on leaving the house for 2 days. Anonymous on Jul 17 2010, 14:35

OMG I had to leave work cause I sharted my pants. My boss asked me what was wrong, I told her I got food poisoning. Driving all the way home I had both windows down. The box of Fiber One Bars is still sitting in my pantry never to be touched again. Anonymous on Jul 17 2010, 15:29 ass the ripper .. hahaha!! now thats a killer name.. i guess Fiber One Bars made a killer out of a crack Anonymous on Jul 18 2010, 01:17

Ok guys, I will be posting farts I have collected tomorrow. My nutritionist took me off of the Adkins diet and started me back on good old carbs and fiber.... Bought three boxes tonight. Please contribute your farts! Let's get the most comprehensive library of Fiber One Farts recorded! FART ON!!!! Anonymous on Jul 18 2010, 01:44

The problem with these dumb religions is that they get into the politics of our country; they try to keep gays from marrying and they spout religious nonsense that has influence over people who have NOTHING to do with their stupid faith. Believe anything you want but KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. "we all have the capacity to start a religion" Totally. That's what cults are. And most cults are just an excuse for creepy old dudes to have sex with underage girls. Anonymous on Jul 19 2010, 11:09

What a total piece of sh!t. I have not read the book, but from the very first few minutes I was annoyned by the rotten little bastard of a child and it just swirled painfully down like the turd this film was into the toilet. I actually was angry during the movie, not because it made me angry through it’s obviously well thought out plot or lack thereof, but that I had even considered spending my time on this mess. I much rather would have preferred having hot skewers shoved in my eyes while I enjoyed a double root canal by the blind dentist with Parkinson’s.

Page 67 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

If you have not seen this yet, you've been adequately warned and deserve the misery if you watch this POS anyway. Anonymous on Jul 19 2010, 21:55

Jessica there is nothing wrong with religious people playing a role in politics. Gays, Lesbians, & Transexuals shouldn't be allowed to marry in this country. What religious nonsense would you be referring too that has influence over people? You know its not exactly a matter of religion as much as it is a matter of morality. I know the difference between right & wrong as do most people. Homosexuality is considered a sin among the religious community. I am not a part of that community but I still know homosexuality is wrong. Animals might take part in it but a human being should know better. You can have love for the same gender but that doesn't mean you should try to engage in sex acts with them. Many of the problems we have in this country is because of the lack of religion. Killing babies left & right isn't helping anything. What they should be doing with these whores that want abortions is killing them along with the bastard child. Just line em' up in the streets & put one in the head. But then again a complete theocracy is definitely not the answer this country needs. We really just need a good shot of common sense & morality. That'd help put us back on the right track. Anonymous on Jul 21 2010, 01:57

Ok, I rarely respond to comments, but this is directly from Ryan's Facebook page... " Anyway I'm a high school graduate (barely) who drives truck for a living (if you want to call it that). I've enjoyed blogging in the past but rarely do it anymore. I've never been married, have no kids, & still live at home with the folks. I have no real ambitions in life, zero initiative, & that is kind of sad. I do enjoy trucking but g** da** these cut rate sons of bit**es are making it hard out here for a man to make an honest living. Well have yourself a good day or as they say down south, "have a good 'un!" Ok he is single and one of his favorite quotes is "I ain't got no panties on". His political views are... and I quote "Anti-Obama/Pro-Fox News" Ok, so he's a redneck racist truck driver who is God-fearing and loves to knock up lot-lizards at truck stops and then wants them and their babies shot? Sounds like he must LOVE Fox News! Man, Ryan... I'm sorry you feel inadequate for barely graduating high school, becoming a "truck driver", and having your Uncle finger you in the third grade. It mentions "lying with a man" in the bible, but it mentions lying, stealing, and banging lot lizards ten times as much. Way to selectively read the bible you inbred WalMart red-neck white trash hillbilly. Anonymous on Jul 21 2010, 02:15

I totally agree with this post. as for you blind trendy fucks...bitch was a spoild ho...and I dont fear you or your god. I would say this to anyone. infront of children. on a kids network. bitch was a spoiled ho. So blog back your self righteous karma comment about me in hell. now gently remove the tamopn out of your anus and bleed to death. go to your god and fuck princess diana. that adultress is surely in heaven. Anonymous on Jul 21 2010, 12:32 if there is a jerk in here it would be you.... maybe your one of Camilla boy the devil Camilla..you know you act like her jerk..so shut up.... Anonymous on Jul 21 2010, 20:03

Kashi Go Lean doesn't bother me. It's the Kashi Go Lean Crunch that creates unbelieveable gas. I have been bloated and passing horribly loud gas for the past two hours. It's like clockwork. Every two minutes, boom, boom, pow. Anonymous on Jul 21 2010, 21:09

Thanks god it's not just me. Had one for the first time yesterday morning, and I farted like crazy all day. After work, I was laying on my stomach, reading in bed, and a fart shot out, which made my cat, who was lying at the bottom of the bed, jump. That got me belly laughing, which caused more farts, which caused my cat to keep jumping. It was a viscious cycle. Anonymous on Jul 22 2010, 09:30

Seriously? Is General Mills going to put some kind of disclaimer on the wrapper? My stomach feels like a tornado and a volcano met up. I thought I was giving birth last night. It's been 29 hours since I tried ONE Fiber One bar and I can barely stand it. Anonymous on Jul 22 2010, 13:03

Yeah folks, If you don't normally eat a lot of fiber, then eat a couple of these things, it WILL clean your sh*t out. But for me at least, the symptoms have started to get a little better. I've been eating one or two, no more than two, of these a day for almost a month now (they're addictive) and the farts have gotten to be a lot better. Of course now that I write this, the farts will probably return tomorrow with a vengeance. General Mills might want to consider changing their name to 'Horrible Smells'. Anonymous on Jul 22 2010, 22:55

I would love to hand out Fiber One bars at a nudist colony convention Anonymous on Jul 24 2010, 01:21 i had slept over at my bf's house last night and i couldnt stop farting for the love of god. thank god he was out cold by the time it started acting up. but it kept me up for hours upon hours. i just came across this because i knew the only thing different i had eaten during the day was two fiber one bars and i typed in my google search bar "do fiber one bars make you gassy" now i will only eat these if i plan on being home alone. Anonymous on Jul 24 2010, 16:46

Ok. So my boyfriend bought these bars. I eat one thinking fiber will do me good. Well I am a Medical Assistant. I have to bring

Page 68 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

patients into the rooms. Get my drift. I eat the "fart bar" about 8am. By Noon I cannot stop farting. I am talking about the kind of farts you can't hold in even while walking tight cheeked. I was literally running into empty exam rooms to rip one so nobody would hear me. I would try to walk out of the room and have to back in again to rip yet another. It was awful. Worst gas of my life. Constant farts lasting for hours. Thank you for reading my story!!!! Anonymous on Jul 24 2010, 22:15

OK it all started the other day. I quit smoking and I wanted to watch my weigh so my wife went to buy granola bars and came back with some fibre one bars. Not knowing the power that each bar holds. I tried one for a snack. I figured it tasted good for a granola bar I would eat a couple more so I did. Their chocolate goodness taste. And then reading the box with my surprise the words OMEGA 3! I was like wow! It’s healthy with all the bells and whistles. Later on that night I got a rumble in my belly. It was not just a rumble but also more like rumble in the Bronx. A sudden "KABOOM!! The wife jumped and said" go sleep on the sofa. So I did. I was blowing O-MEGA farts all night long. Good thing the sofa was brown already. I had really bad gas for a few days until my bowels dried up it was a mean trick general mills I would love to see all general mills head executives at their meeting blowing farts at each other and their clients to sell them things.... one word 'NASTY" Anonymous on Jul 24 2010, 23:28

I flew to denver to meet my girlfriends family for two days. Each day I had the great tasting GoLEAN Crunch. Followed by a day of the longest session of gas ever. My stomach was in a knot the whole time. I thought it was nervous. I had to hold it in the whole time I was at each family function (she's greek). To make matters worse when I thought I would get a brake in the car I was quickly disappointed by a family member jumping in our car forcing me to hold it for another opportunity. Good thing is we both ate the cereal so when we did get a chance we both were farting like crazy and laughing!!! Anonymous on Jul 25 2010, 00:37

These things are absolutely horrible i have been eating 1 for breakfast everyday for the past 2 weeks and i have had the worse gas of my life! They taste SO GOOD but give you horrible gas. They are so loud and they hurt i run and play soccer and it seems every step i take i let 1 rip. Anonymous on Jul 25 2010, 11:51

I don't know about that ( 6.) fitness trainer, being raw vegan I eat tons of fiber but have never farted so many times in a day as when I eat my boyfriends fiber one bars. They tast so good sometimes, I eat three in the same day. You can imagine the gas I have!!! However, they don't stink, they are just super load and like five in a row!!! I feel like a fart machine! This is a dirty trick general mills is playing..lol Anonymous on Jul 26 2010, 01:51 where's ur update for the current turd in office. shame. Anonymous on Jul 26 2010, 11:38

OK. Whatever sick person wrote this article I have a little lesson for you. Princess Diana was like a light in the world. She gave so much. More than you will ever give. She may have been highly publicized but she used it as a good thing she used her high title to help more. so you know what she will be mourned forever because we will teach our grandchildren and great grandchildren about her. Oh and to the people commenting on America and its obesity dont blame it on Americans blame it on the President. stop being asses and saying mean comments about Princess Diana. Its disrespectful R.I.P Diana Anonymous on Jul 27 2010, 04:43

Everyone who has commented here have just proved the point that it was the people that killed her... it was you who bought the papers, the photos, who showed an interest in her...everyone is to blame, especially the ones who "loved" her since you bought more of the paparazzi crap than anyone. Anonymous on Jul 28 2010, 08:05

My Edge Pro stinks Anonymous on Jul 28 2010, 16:00 hi! I typed the words "fiber one " and "fart "togather and seen all this.. i am in shock. i have never eatten fiber one bars before the other day. now i cant stop ripping farts. its crazy!! people look at me like im a disgusting person. because no matter where i am i keep blowing my horn . i cant wait until the farts stop so i can get on with my life. Anonymous on Jul 29 2010, 00:10

I spent the night at a friends house, just last night, I woke up hungry, and was suggested a Fiber One bar...'yummy', I thought. I ate it, then off to work I went, As I sat in front of this very computer I write this on, I had the worst gas ever. As I left to relieve myself in the restroom, I come back to my desk and see a text message on my phone. That same friend who suggested the Fiber One bar asked, 'hey, have you had gas yet?' .At first I thought, 'wow, how does she know' But that was until I read the entire message... 'LOL cause everytime I eat those fiber one bars I do baaad lmao' ...she might as well have said 'do you feel like youre dropping bombs in your shorts' cuz that is exactly how I feel. So I thought about it and wondered if it was just us who felt that way. I Googled 'Fiber One' and google suggested automatically right away 'Fiber One bars gas'. So there had to be something to it.And here I am, sitting in the waiting room of the office I work for, having to fart so badly but not able to leave my desk as there are patients waiting. I am also having a hard time keeping my mouth shut while I read this column and also the comments left by others. I am laughing so hard, my stomach hurts more and I am practically crying tears of laughter. I have never wanted a Friday to be over as much as I want today. All I ask is, Fiber One, why did you have to taste so good??? Anonymous on Jul 30 2010, 17:18

Page 69 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

OMG I can't believe it I have church tomorrow.They might kick me out. And the next day is my first day of school, if I don't stop eating it now I'll probably get put out of my class .But I love it (Oopps I did it again) Anonymous on Aug 1 2010, 05:08

I'm cleaning out my pantry and Lord and Behold what do I find a Sams Club size box of Fiber One Bars opened with only six bars left. I'm thinking these things are well over a year old and has lost all it's potency. Well let me tell you after the third bar I started farting and they were fast and furious this went on for hours. I don't know why General Mills bother putting expiration dates on the box this is very misleading. What a cruel cruel joke General Mills. Anonymous on Aug 1 2010, 12:16

I am cracking up! That cereal KILLS me...not for a day or 2, try 3-4 days!!!!!!!! I work as a model--a fit model who tries on clothes and has to have the same body measurements every day!! Can you imagine my PAIN holding that bubble in praying I don't let one rip???? You cannot even get away with a silent one, because it will be beyond deadly!!!!! It will kill EVERYONE with a 20 foot radius!!!!!! This is not the only cereal that kills me, but it's certainly the worst... is there something you can take when you eat these types of foods that will help??? I try to drink lots of water...help!! Anonymous on Aug 1 2010, 17:27

When I first tried Kashi, it gave me horrible bloating and gas & I ended up throwing the box away. Now, a couple years later, I've decided to give it another try since I'm trying to stay fit and it has a high amount of fiber in it. I'm on my second box and I've noticed that after your body gets use to the amount of fiber intake, the gas starts to lessen. It also helps if you eat something else first and then just snack on Kashi... gas goes away but trips to the bathroom increase.. hope that helps. Anonymous on Aug 2 2010, 17:22

I bought a giant box of these at Costco thinking they would be a healthy snack for work. Suddenly I found myself bloating and clenching at my desk, and having to run to the bathroom to thunder out farts that would echo off the walls. And waiting for people to get the hell out! The agony! Of course I had to then stifle my laughter, because I have the maturity of a 9 year old boy. And my poor car, taking all that abuse once I finally left the office! I would say never again, but I just discovered a new flavor of the Kellogg ones... Anonymous on Aug 3 2010, 01:30

I'm reading this and I kid you, not a Fiber One Bars commercial comes on TV. I'm still crying from laughing so hard. Anonymous on Aug 3 2010, 02:27

Ok, so my 2 year old doesn't know the difference that her mommy is endlessly tooting after 1 fiber bar - 2 DAYS AGO!!! My 8 year old has a better idea that something is wrong with her mommy. I can't believe the never ending gas! It was kind of funny at first and now I'm thinking when is it going to end! Thank goodness my husband didn't hear the longevity of the farts and the volume! He wouldn't have believed it came from me! He doesn't want to hear anything about it. I can't even get intimate for fear that some god awful smell will come lurking out! Let alone some tremendous noise! I told my mother and she just laughed endlessly, she thought it was funny. I told her it would be a great prank to play on her senior citizen friends! It's been 2 days. I can't believe it's not over yet--I only had 1 fiber bar yesterday after my workout in the morning and a cup of coffee. My husband wlll be taking these tasty treats to work to bestow a gift to his co-workers! Anonymous on Aug 3 2010, 23:41

I just sent Kashi an email about all this madness! They must know they have this effect on people, right?? I honestly thought there was something wrong with ME! Now I know its the cereal, its horrible, but I have to throw it away. I can't function at work or school while eating this stuff! Not to mention the complete embaressment while I'm with my boyfriend... :-/ Anonymous on Aug 4 2010, 21:43

Ryan, there is plenty wrong when religion interferes with politics. There is a reason our founding fathers insisted that there was a separation of church and state, and we see it in our constitution. Gays, Lesbians, & Transexuals do have the right to marry. I'm personally not gay, I'm a straight married woman, but I understand that being gay is not a choice. I know you like to think it is, but I have been studying sexuality for years, and our brains are hard wired from a young age (usually around 4 to 6 years old) to have certain preferences. It can be a attraction to women with blonde hair, or men with tan skin, or even people of the same sex. I know you must think it's all sexual now, but our personal preferences in a partner have different levels. I for one am into tall Asian men, and my husband happens to be a tall Asian man. That's not to say that I'm ONLY sexually attracted to him. I'm in love with him, he's my best friend. I appreciate his intellect, and conversation, romance, etc. People who are gay most likely first have that physical attraction towards each other, just like an heterosexual couple. Afterward, they fall in love, and the attraction is on many levels, including personality, interests, etc, just like any other normal couple. People seem to have the stereotype that gays are cheaters and just want to have sex. WRONG. Most gay people long to be in long lasting relationships or be married. I for sure have never met a promiscuous gay or lesbian. Homosexuals can't hide their attraction for the same sex, the same way you probably can't hide your affection for blonde's with big boobs. These things are just hard wired. More than 50% of marriages in the USA end in divorce. I gays diverse the right that so many straight Americans abuse. If you really are a religious man, you would realize to let these people be. As far as I know, God is the one and only being that can pass judgment. We should not choose whether two people of the same sex should be unified or not. If they truly are committing a sin (which I know they're not) then they will be judged accordingly by God, and not by man. Spread love, not H8. This is the word of the Lord. Anonymous on Aug 4 2010, 23:16

Oh my gosh, I haven't laughed this hard for months. I was going to go to the doctor thinking I had gluten intolerance! I was going to throw out all gluten-related food in my pantry and spend a bunch of money on gluten-free products tonight! I casually mentioned my new issue with a good friend and that I eat a lot of fiber including Fiber One bars and she mentioned that those alone could cause what I was experiencing. Sure enough, I have felt great all day and don't have that "I'm trying not to pass gas or accidentally poop my pants" look on my face now! I can go on a date to a movie without fear! I will miss my delicious Fiber One Bars but a new life is before

Page 70 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

me - gas free! Anonymous on Aug 4 2010, 23:27

I just dared myself to eat half a box. If no one hears from me by this time tomorrow, go ahead and assume I'm dead. Anonymous on Aug 6 2010, 02:51

Call me crazy, but I used to eat this stuff all the time without this problem before the company was bought out by Kellogg Company in 2000. Ever since then, I have the worst gas! Painful, embarrassing, and just . . plain . . not worth it! I'm a San Diego native and this was our home-town hippie-culture-crunchy-granola cereal - made from the 7 grains, blah, blah, blah. After the sell, I think they started adding more processing, fiber from non-whole grain sources (like the fiber you can add to water, ever tried that? Talk about GAS!) and soy protein to advance their market to the "south beach diet" bunch. I've tried it a couple of times over the last few years since the sell-out (the kashi company had been around since the mid-80s), and since then, I can't tolerate it. Someone earlier said you can work your body up to it, but I'm a vegan who eats almost nothing but high-fiber low-fat foods, and this stuff makes me physically ill. I have tried eating it for MONTHS and it does NOT get better. Maybe some people have a higher tolerance. But not me - painful intestinal gas, powerful, frequent and malodorous flatulence. I used to really love this cereal, but forget it. I'll go back to making my own granola. At the risk of being to political - because the rest of the posts are just FUNNY and a relief to hear others are in the same boat - I really think you can get better nutrition without the gas by buying less process, simpler foods. From now on, I swear if there is an ingredient I can't recognize, I'm not eating it . . . "soy protein" included! Anonymous on Aug 6 2010, 12:38

Smells Just like Lutefisk Anonymous on Aug 6 2010, 13:54

I haven't laughed so hard...though I'm trying not to laugh TOO hard because...guess what? I JUST ate a Fiber One bar and can feel my stomach getting ready to churn out the bad stuff. I kept wondering why I'd get the worst stomach aches at work...the kind where you feel like you have to constantly take a dump...the kind where you have to fart so bad, but you REALLY don't want to because you know it'll be a wet fart. It's torture--the other day I went to the bathroom 6-7 times at work because of Fiber One. Yet, I keep eating it because I've convinced myself that at some point my body will adjust...adjust...adjust. Anonymous on Aug 6 2010, 15:57

HAVE ANY OF YOU SEEN THAT fiber One Bar tv commercial where that women is sitting at her office desk and her shoes are talking to her??? well got news,, thats not her shoes talking!!! thats her ass talking ! Anonymous on Aug 7 2010, 04:51

I commute 45 minutes and thought these would be a good, quick car breakfast. I work in retail, with all men. As the only girl there, I try to maintain some amount of decorum. But, once the farts started, I decided to throw caution to the wind (pun intended) and just let them rip. You should have seen the guy's faces! Priceless! I fortunately had the scent-free poots, but the decibel levels, frequency and length of each release were incredible! Award winning! The 7 guys I work with were all humbled. I was thinking I would take the rest of the bars I have, cut them in half, roll into balls, dip in chocolate and bring them to work next week to treat my team! Btw, FUNNIEST site ever! Great to know it's not just me. Woke my husband up 3 times last night. I will NEVER eat them again, but I will use them to prank others! Anonymous on Aug 7 2010, 09:38

Fibre one bars wrecked my sex night… they clamed fibre one bars are healthy and I like to keep into shape. So I tried them. For lunch. Later on that night just like everyone here the sudden attack of the farts… I was thinking oh my gosh!! Steve is coming over tonight. So Steve shows up and we play around .big mistake!! Anal sex does not go with fibre one bars!! Poor Steve… the farts where to much pressure for Steve to handle “kind of like trying to cap a blow out oil well like BP had in the ocean… so my advice. Do not eat fibre one bars if you’re gay. It can wreck your life Anonymous on Aug 7 2010, 14:08 hello, my name is muffins of death. i am a recovering fiber one addict. it all started this morning when i ate the fiber one blueberry muffins. i already knew about the fiber one bars potency and thought these may be similar. not one to shy away from a little gas i mixed some up for breakfast. couple of hours go by without a single fart and so i think i made off scot free. i have never been so wrong in my life. turns out, the muffins have a double delay when compared to the bars. about 6 hours after first ingestion i began to blow something fierce. it really was quite amazing actually. never in my life have i ripped farts every 5 minutes for over 6 hours straight. i am not kidding, every 5 minutes or less for 6 straight hours!!!!!!!! and these arent your average run of the mill ass droppings. these are the highly sought after wet rotten sewage egg variety. what was even better was that with proper manipulation of my butt cheeks i was able to let a silent but deadly if i wanted to invisibly frag my whole family, or i could rip a megaphone so loud the cat would run under the bed. sadly though, this doesnt have a fairy tale ending, as my wife denied me sex tonight because of the aroma my entire house possesses now. the irony is she bought the muffins without ever intending to eat them due to the impending fart gas. wait a second, maybe thats one of her ideas for how to get out of sex. ahhh bullshit, now i'm pissed. anyway, i'm not sure what to do, i have about 5 more muffins sitting on the kitchen counter....i think i may try to overdose tomorrow morning because the thought of what i may do with a full blown fiber one muffin ass at work tomorrow really has me excited. i'm also going to swim laps tomorrow and this may provide enough propulsion that i may not even have to paddle...worth experimenting i think. my final warning: if you thought the fiber bars were bad, stay away from the muffins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just ripped another one, damn it stinks....i will def be eating these before i go watch a movie in the theaters. sadistic, i know. Anonymous on Aug 8 2010, 23:42

I started weight watchers last week and everybody at the meeting raved about the Fiber One yogurt and bars, so I went out and

Page 71 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

bought both. By Saturday night I was farting nonstop and in the bathroom every 10 minutes. I thought it was the edemames I was eating, so loving the zero point yogurt and the 2 point bars I went to Costco and got the mega box of the bars. I was still farting and being a school bus driver today was the first day of school. I was trying to squeeze out a SBD when.... can you say skidmarks? Thats when I came straight home took a shower and googled these bars. I have been laughing and farting nonstop. I am taking these back to Costco today!!!! Thanks for the info and the good laugh. Anonymous on Aug 9 2010, 11:24

Maybe you're allergic to chicory root? They do cause gas I've noticed, but so do a lot of other fiber rich products. Nothing's quite as bad as some foodstuffs I've gotten from abroad---although I think that has more to do with cleanliness of manufacturing vs. fiber. I love the taste of fiber ones and they do add fiber to your diet. I wouldn't eat them by themselves, try it with a meal or if need be take some bean-o or gas-x or for something more homeopathic Mexicans drink a tea made from anise & chamomile. I've also heard fenugreek seeds help. I'd say the worst gas and stomach upsets I've gotten (aside from food poisoning from a local mexican restaurant 'Taqueria San Jose") were from sugar-free candies or ice cream-ugh! or god forbid Olestra (the fat-free oily greasy slick used on chips that coats your tongue like it were exxon valdez) that I think they've finally taken off grocery store shelves was by far the worst gassifier known to mankind. :0)~ Anonymous on Aug 10 2010, 08:09

It's kind of funny, I admit--not so much for the racial nuances as the relevance to it in regards to Obama's stimulus waste spending/gov't takeover/socialist agenda. But don't blame others for what you did, this is typical of immature Liberal psychopaths! Nobody would have assumed you meant this as an attack on Republicans, this was your own racist views coming through! This is kind of like the bum who breaks into a store intentionally so he'll get arrested and have food and shelter whilst in prison only to get butt fucked by his bunkmate! Anonymous on Aug 10 2010, 08:50

That's why we buy them....fun for the whole family Anonymous on Aug 10 2010, 15:24 i found your blog direct & to the point i loved it it made my day--i recently bought some corn king bacon it was thick & looked good in the package---however when i got it home anothe story---thick alright with nothing but FAT,FAT, AND MORE FAT i fried it just to see----pan full of FAT, FAT, AND MORE FAT i took your suggestion & threw it out & licked the pan hahahaha thank you for making my day Anonymous on Aug 10 2010, 16:29

LOL you guys are messed up! I don't get gas when I eat it.... Anonymous on Aug 11 2010, 08:53

This made me laugh so hard. "Terry Schiavo would have run out of the room with some of the gas that I've had." hahahaha Anonymous on Aug 12 2010, 01:02

Thank you so much fiber one for making my life a living hell!! i am a exotic dancer at a gentlemen's club . after not knowing what them bars do to ones bowels i went to work like an idiot .flowing farts like there is no tomorrow. even the loud music could not hid the fact that every time i would bend over my a hole would pucker and blow a fart.. not sexy.. and the stink is not a gift from an angel as well... there needs to be a warning on the box of the fiber one bars about blowing farts Anonymous on Aug 12 2010, 17:45 so, just for the record, I gave my boyfriend a "dutch bag" yesterday. That is when you fart while sitting indian style on the floor with a pillow on your lap, wait a minute and throw it at someone's face... thanks to the fiber one bars, even though i missed after the first throw, the smell successfully lingered in the pillow for the second throw. it was great. I just emailed him the link to this page too. Anonymous on Aug 12 2010, 19:30 yeah but what is the ingredient thats causing this - looks like Chicory Root Extract and they list it as the first ingredient by weight, which seems very unlikely....and who is even growing chicory? i thought it was regarded as more of an herb.... Anonymous on Aug 14 2010, 01:52

Trying to be healthier I have tried to cut back on sugar unless there is a lot of fiber. Incredibly, I discovered these great tastng bar that had enough fiber to make me feel not so guilty about eating them. I ate several at the beginning of the week, along with starting an exercise program at the gym, and was mortified at what ended up occuring. I told my husband that I thought they made me fart and he wasn't so sure....until last night leaving the first football scrimmage and he had walking farts all the way back to the car! I of course asked if he had eaten some bars and he said he finished off the box. Ridiculous. So this afternoon googled Fiber One bars gas and found this. I have never laughed so hard. Thanks for all the stories and I will never buy these again! Anonymous on Aug 15 2010, 19:43

I find it funny that catholics call mormans retarded, and muslims call christians retarded, and jews call buddhists retarded. If you believe there is a magic man that cares about your day to day shit...... you are retarded. Each and every one of you. When you die, your retarded life is over, so stop being retarded. Fucking retards. Anonymous on Aug 15 2010, 20:33

Well Mr. Tk it seems you failed to read the part about me being an atheist. I know I didn't exactly say it but it wasn't that hard to read

Page 72 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

into. I never said the bible says this or that. In fact I never used the word "Bible" at all. I said "among the religious community" so where did I selectively read anything? I don't know what I said to make me look racist to you. Oh wait a minute it must be because I'm not an Obama lover. I take it you read something & put your own spin on it even if its not really there to begin with, right? Also I don't know if you know where Michigan is on the map but not too many redneck hillbillies live up there. Those quotes on the facebook page are just random bullshit you hear out here on the road. You know like the "lot lizards" you say I must be fucking because that is a stereotype of truckers you like to think is true. I understand you must not have liked what I had to say. So really it wouldn't matter what my facebook page had said you'd still twist it around to your liking. I could've said I worked at a fast food place & you'd say how I like to put my own "special sauce" on the burgers or what have you. I'm sorry you don't agree with me but rather than tear me down why not explain why instead? Its easy to bash someone when they say or do something you don't agree with. With assholes like you administrating this site I take it I should've just kept my words to myself. Problem is I actually agree with what you had to say with the "fucking retarted mormons". Yeah that reminds me why did you bleep out what I wrote on facebook when you've got fuck this, fuck that written all up & down this page? I'm surprised you failed to mention scientology. Let me ask you something here. I'm guessing you're a homosexual or at the least a very liberal person. To each his own man, you be all you can be, its all right by me. Just don't go hating on someone because you don't like what they have to say. It makes you look like a complete douche bag. Veronica I know what you're saying with the whole seperation of church & state in the constitution. I hope you know the majority of our fore fathers were religious. They knew what they were doing when they put that in there. They didn't want the same shit that was happening across the pond to happen here. I find it hard to believe they wanted a complete seperation though with so much religious acts that occur around politics. Our money reading "In God We Trust." The prayer they say in Congress too. We used to have prayer in schools. That fucking ACLU is something else. Some of the shit they fight for is just too much. I mean c'mon the fucking "manger scene" offends atheist people so its ACLU to the rescue. Its like this whole deal with them wanting to build a mosque on ground zero (near it, whatever). I'll bet the ACLU will get involved somewhere along the way. They've got over a hundred mosques in the damn city already. There is one reason & one reason only why they want to build this one. Anyway I digress I don't see how religion playing a role in politics would be deemed an interference. I do see how Obama & his cronies totally ignoring the constitution on the other hand as interfering. No money to spend on anything but its alright because he is black so no body is going to say its wrong or they'll be deemed a racist. Much like the admin has demonstrated with me being anti-Obama so I must be racist. Fact is I am not a racist & if I was it'd be hard to do what I do. Don't get me wrong I hate anyone that the word "nigger" describes. White, Black, Hispanic it doesn't matter. I don't hate any particular race. I do hate the ones that choose that "gangsta thug" lifestyle & those that just want to sit on their ass & let the government take care of them. I don't hate gays either. I'm just old school when it comes to marriage. If they want to be together then fine as long as they don't shove their love for each other down my throat. The people in California voted against Proposition 8 but a gay judge ignored them & let it roll. What ever happened to the "majority rule" in this country? People weren't for nationalized healthcare either & look where we're at now. The people have no say anymore it seems. I guess anything is possible when they can put a black man in the white house who wasn't even born here. You know what surprises me though is how he is still breathing. Pelosi & Reid too for that matter. Oh well hopefully our childrens children will have it back on track... Anonymous on Aug 16 2010, 04:58

Wow, this is hilarious! I thought I was having major problems but I didn't think it was affecting everyone this way. I have to warn my boyfriend before we have sex that there might be an "escapee" during the act. I'm glad I'm not alone! But I can't stop eating it so I live knee deep in the "stenches"! Anonymous on Aug 16 2010, 12:44

This happens to me, too. I will put money on it that it is a case of classic soy intolerance. Soy protein is in Kashi Go Lean--and of course in soy nuts which are the only thing in the world that give me anything near as serious as Kashi farts. Oh, and in defense of the wife who says her Kashi farts have no smell--neither do mine. Unfortunately they DO have an Explosive sound!! Anonymous on Aug 16 2010, 15:33 ok... I was farting up such a storm with this stuff... I actually googled Kashi and gas and came across this. I am not losing my mind!! Does anyone else strangely enjoy the effects?? lol Anonymous on Aug 16 2010, 20:52

I think the amount of soy has to be the culprit (at least partially). I used to consume soy by the handful until I discovered it was the cause of my exuberant expulsions. I was banned from my gym when It was discovered that I was the one bombing everyone out. (It was a good way to clear a station I wanted to use). I consumed a few of these things and it was the same experience and same smell as the soy. I had one of these again today and farted down 5 flights of stairs without ceasing. Never again!!!! (Love the idea of making party favors with these. I think I'll try that at the next office luncheon!) Anonymous on Aug 16 2010, 21:12

My wife's family was taken in by the con man Joseph Smith from the very beginning. Got his hooks into the poor bastard (actually he was wealthy) and sucked him dry. Smith was as slick as Bernie Madoff. All he ever did was ask for cold hard currency (gold silver) or your belongings (cattle/oxen/mules) and he handed out his freaking blessing in return. After giving the "prophet" $30,000.00 in gold and belongings Smith told him "your children will never beg bread". No shit?? An neither will yours you thief. Then there was the good old Kirtland Safety Society Bank bank in Kirtland OH. Ohio would not charter the Mormons a bank so they started their own with donations from our family. In exchange they got paper money that two years later were only good to start a fire.The poor man left Kirtland witrh $7.50 in his pocket and a broken down team of mules to take him to Missouri. (where the garden of Eden was/and was going to be the new Zion) Anonymous on Aug 17 2010, 12:40

I am a commercial producer, and the day before a shoot, I went over to Costco to pick up some food for the set. I usually like to buy things that the crew can grab and go, so this box of "healthy" looking bars seemed perfect. The shoot was pretty intense, so the crew didn't have a lot of time even to just grab snacks. Therefore, I ended up taking the unopened box home with me. I was totally exhausted by the time I got home. Having no energy to cook, and not even enough energy to drive to get something to eat, I figured I'd try a nutritious bar. Wow, deeee-licious! Couple of minutes later, why not - have another bar. Wonderful. Until... An hour later I thought a nuclear device had been set off in my intestines. I thought that the "Go Lightly" that I had to take before my

Page 73 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

colonoscopy made me run to the bathroom fast - I must have set a land speed record. Once in the bathroom the real explosions began. Oh my gawd. It was like being in the middle of a thunderstorm. I had to call my girlfriend up to share my fortune. She couldn't understand why I was laughing so much. I had to explain to her to just stay away for a while. Later that week, the air had finally cleared in the house, and she came by. I told her about the bars and she tried one. I ended up leaving the house, laughing and crying at the same time. We hatched a heck of a plan. We figured we'd tell one of our friends that these bars were the ultimate ENERGY bar, and that they should eat one about an hour before WORKING OUT AT THE GYM!!!! We are SO cruel. Ultimately we resisted putting this evil plan into effect, but our friends should continue to be very, very nice to us in the future or ELSE!!!! Anonymous on Aug 17 2010, 17:53 hello . i have came forward. i am an everyday unknown people .. that got a box of Fiber One bars from the store thinking they are a good healthy item to pick.. then finding out by blowing my ass hole out around the clock for the last few days . of non stop farts . with my suprise knowing it was the bars that done this to my rectum. well i dont think any food product is worth eating if you end up nothing but a fart bag. this product is evil. Anonymous on Aug 17 2010, 18:06

The Kashi Oatmeal is just as bad. Had some this morning at work and sure enough...GAS! Odorless but uncomfortable. Kept getting up every 10 min to go to bathroom to relieve the pressure. Finally got tired of getting up and just let them loose at my desk. Quiet but not deadly, thank God! Anonymous on Aug 17 2010, 18:38 let me just say- there is no quicker way to find every bathroom on campus than to eat a bowl of this every morning for a week. even this gas was way out of league for health services to diagnose. and definitely a safety hazard for the bunsen burners in the chem lab... Anonymous on Aug 17 2010, 23:26

Thanks be to god!! I seriously thought something was wrong with me. For three days now I have had gas the likes of which could be in an x-files episode. The farts never stop,they just come and come and come. It's violating the laws of physics. If I sit on the bowl ,it sounds like a Harley Davidson motorcycle, not a human being. It's like I now have a super power. Huge volumes of air I tell you. Truth be told it's great fun (when you are alone). My wife is living in fear till this works it's way through me. I think this could be habit forming. It does present a problem when at work or in public. But it has livened up my commute. I am lucky in that mine do not have a stench. Damn you fiber one, damn you. Anonymous on Aug 18 2010, 21:03

Dudes come on ! Im like 15 and no nothing about her but you really shouldnt be abusing her ? you didnt even know her? and your saying how pathetic she is! Well i have got somthing for you. she will be more famous then you will ever be? And every who hates her why do you hate her? You don't even know her? So stop judging? Thanks have a good one assholes Anonymous on Aug 18 2010, 23:02

I understand that yes, we do have to let go of her, but the way you said was very callous and horrible. You are entitled to your opinion but there's no need to vilify her. It further demonstrates your lack of sensitivity and arrogance. Don't tell people to "get over it" and then abuse her. Taking our you anger on her contradicts what you demand. Anonymous on Aug 19 2010, 11:35

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, I love all the updates. By the way I have not farted since I gave up Fiber one. Thank you God Anonymous on Aug 19 2010, 12:30

Lorraine, I haven't either! It's so nice to feel normal again! I had been eating Fiber One bars for over two years! Anonymous on Aug 19 2010, 18:52

We disagree fully with you. We LOVE the Corn King bacon and we look for it in the stores. Where can we order some? Anonymous on Aug 20 2010, 14:26

I have been bringing a bar to work every day this week for a mid morning snack. After I ate today (Friday), I got another one of those bendover cramps and started farting again. I went on the internet and typed in "gas pain after eating" and by the time I was done reading, I had diagnosed myself with an ulcer, Krohn's disease and stomach cancer.

Then I thought really hard about what I had been eating differently lately, dug through my trash can and found the wrapper. I typed in "Fiber One and gas" and found a name for my pain. I am going to bring the remaining bars in to work and leave in the lunch room. Anonymous on Aug 20 2010, 15:43

Page 74 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I was in my boss's office for a conference call this afternoon when it hit... after every run to the bathroom, he would mute the call and ask if I was alright. Thanks, Kashi- I will not be eating this again. Too bad... it tasted great, but now I know why it was on sale. I have a super cheap co-worker who I know will take advantage of the leftover cereal I bring in. At least I'll get some satisfaction knowing that I'll make him as uncomfortable as he regularly makes me. Anonymous on Aug 20 2010, 18:35

I'm happy I found this. I thought I had some kind of condition or something. I had to hide somewhere far away from the others when I took my kids to a water park so I could fart my brains out. Sometimes I would get really bad cramps and thought I was in labor. This cereal should be pulled from the shelves and used to produce a new mass destruction weapon. Anonymous on Aug 21 2010, 11:13

Thanks everyone for posting because without people like you, some of us would think we developed some kind of really bad digestive issues like IBS. I started eating Kashi cereal bars thinking they would be good for me once a day, but the entire month, my stomach was upset, major stomach pains and gas/bloating as well. It was the worst I have experienced! I thought I have developed IBS and limited everything I was eating to just protein and non-gaseous vegetables. I was scared to go out and I was scared to go on vacation and even bought a portable toilet for a road trip because I was so unsure of my body. I started going to the GI specialist and now that I am reading this, I think my GI is right that it's the Kashi bars that are causing this. She said if I stop it for 7-14 days then it should totally get out of my system. I think the cereal and bars should come with warning that some people are really affected while others like my husband are not. Anonymous on Aug 21 2010, 21:09

OMG!! after reading this i feel better. this page has helped me so much its like a gift from God. i had abdominal bloating and gas after eating certain foods.i was unsure of what the food was that made this happen Lately it has gotten worse. I get abdominal bloating, cramping, and gas right after i eat but not all food . It gets especially bad after eating fiber one bars and did not connect the two.Then like the person above me i typed in gas and fiber one bars. and BINGO! i stoped eatting them for a week .now this problem has gone away no more farts. or cramps I had diagnosed myself with gall bladder disease now my stress has lifted and i feel much better. Anonymous on Aug 22 2010, 12:45

LOL, Miss Diagnosed! I thought I was gluten intolerant and was going to head to the grocery store to buy a bunch of gluten-free food and make an appointment with my doctor. I had gas 24/7 and I am dating a wonderful guy! This website was a gift from God to me as well. I am back to normal now. Anonymous on Aug 22 2010, 19:45 absolutely hilarious! these farts made me laugh so hard especially when i was alone driving i had an idea of what was causing it (i had my first bowl and it was tiny tiny and the next morning BOOM) Good cereal but not sure if it's worth having to plan eating it on whether or not you will be around people a few hours later! Take it down a notch Kashi! Anonymous on Aug 22 2010, 21:24

I tried my first bowl of KGLC over my sister's house. She is often not attentive of the "Best if used by date" and this unopened box was about a month over. But I tried it anyway. I called her the next day and told her the box was bad and that she should throw it away. She was skeptical, so I told her I would buy a fresh box and try them out and if I got the same response she could have the box I bought. I will now be driving over to my sister's house to deliver her the box of cereal. It turns out the stomach rot was not caused by rotten Kashi, it was cuased by perfectly fresh Kashi. Anonymous on Aug 23 2010, 19:41

GOOD GOD my asshole burns!!! I thought it would be healthy of me to eat several of these a day, but 1000 farts a 10 shits later, I realized that I was farting and pooping at 5-10 times more than normal... Don't eat more than 4 in one day or your a-hole will be so tired and sore from farting and your girlfriend will say "ok, I was attracted to you before today". They so tasty though and I just had to eat another one after finding this site... Anonymous on Aug 24 2010, 15:36

How does anyone know that the photos posted are even actual photos. Unless this person is a cop or news person, he wouldn't even have access to such high profile material. She was a person, just a person. but she is due respect like any other person. Unless she did something to you personally that you are not big enough to forgive, you are at best stupid to even post such a thing about anyone. Bitter people always spread venom as they have nothing else to offer. I'm not a member of the United Kingdom. I live in Canada, born and raised a US citizen. but I do know common decency. Anonymous on Aug 24 2010, 19:52

My butt hole burns and hurts from farting so much. I have farted at least 10 times eversince I have been on this site.. glad I didn't *fart*ahhhh that was loud.. sorry back to my story... eat one this morning before my class. There should be a warning lable on there. This is just cruel. I have to feed my b/f a couple of these when we are not together. He couldn't cheat even if he wanted to Anonymous on Aug 24 2010, 22:28

Had my second granola bar. Suspected the worst stomach ache, gas, and diarrhea I had two weeks ago was due to granola bar. Had it again today and having to sit still at a conference after eating that gave me the biggest stomach ache of my life. I was in constant fear my colleagues could hear my hyperactive stomach. Never again, fiber one, never again. Anonymous on Aug 25 2010, 18:04

Page 75 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Praise be, I am NOT alone !! After my first episode (eat a bar, start farting about an hour later) I considered the possibility that the bar was responsible, but decided it might be a coincidence. So I experimented by eating one every few days; and every time, I was Fartzilla within the hour. I swear you could float a zeppelin by linking it to my ass after eating just one of these things. I've looked at the ingredients, and don't know what might be causing it, but I am relieved to know that I am not singing solo in the buttock choir. The good thing is, the farts stop within a few hours. And now I have a way to get out of dinners I don't really want to attend, but feel that I ought to. Eat one of these an hour beforehand, then let a couple of good 'uns rip soon after I arrive. Claim a stomach-ache, and off I go Anonymous on Aug 26 2010, 19:30

I think I am a sick woman...I am laughing and crying hysterically at all these stories. My sister showed this site to me-I'm dying here! My Fiber One Bar Story: So, my mom and I were flying out very early the next day on vacation and so I stopped by the drug store to grab some early morning/plane snacks (oh boy!). I grabbed a case of Starbucks canned Frapps and a box of Fiber One Bars (I thought it would be a good breakfast bar). Well, we each had one that morning and then during our first leg of our plane flight. Mom and I were FARTING all day!! Through both flights, I told mom that I was gassy and diarhea. A plane is not the place you want to feel bloated and have the constant urge to use the bathroom. Oh, and it smells-BAD!!!! (BTW, I'm cracking myself up telling this story and reliving it in my mind.) When we arrived at our destination, it was only lunchtime. We visited with my great Aunt who we had not seen in 10+ years. We were gassing off every 10 minutes/using the bathroom. And, it smelled!!! Everything cleared out by the next day, but we sure did learn our lesson-No more Fiber One Bars!! It's not worth it!! Anonymous on Aug 26 2010, 22:55

I am the sister to Lindsey above: Here is my story....I started out eating these bars on Sunday morning on my way to church as a quickie breakfast. The FARTS didnt hit me until about 11:30..in the middle of the service...I had to leave and use the bathroom...then add La Carretta (our every Sun lunch) after all that! WHEWWW!!!! Then came VBS at our church, and stupid me, hadnt clued in yet to Fiber1 being the culprit...and I would eat 2 of those things and then go to church to work on VBS stuff!! OH the CRAMPS and GAS and FARTS....just walking down the hall and they will float out, even while you are suckin your cheeks together trying to prevent it...and OH the STINK!!! Please Lord, dont let there be anyone else in the hallway around me!!!!! I have found that if I want to eat one, I eat them on days where I am going nowhere, and I will eat it as an evening snack....and then I can repay my husband for all the farts he expells on me!! Just last night, he woke up and told me to quit shaking the bed laughing from my farts!! And woudl I please put a cork in it, cause I smelled like the poop factory down near Eastman! LOLOL Sidenote* I am good with my fiber..I eat steel cut oats with freshly ground flax seed nearly every day....these bars are a joke! i am sure the manufacturers thought it would be hilarious to make them..kinda like the Chinese toy people who put 3000 wire or plastic ties onto the toys and it takes 3 yrs to open one? They just wish they could be flies on the walls of our homes! LOLOL Anonymous on Aug 27 2010, 10:44

I ate a Fiber One bar about 4 hours ago. It's now 4 am and my wife refuses to come in the bedroom. She has slept on the couch all night due to my..... well you guys have read the stories. Anonymous on Aug 28 2010, 06:26

I have been eating these almost every day along with the cereal. Some days my gas is so bad that they come out like a heavily loaded machine gun, in rapid fire. My husband gets appalled but I think he's secretly jealous that I have surpassed him in the ability to produce such a muscial stream of them with such amplification for a long string of time! The warm ones are the dangerous ones. The one thing that really makes us laugh is that our German shepherd,who is a fantastic watch and guard dog, would sometimes hear me fart in themiddle of the night and would thunder out of the bedroom towards the door thinking someone ws knocking on it and brak her head off for about five minutes before she calms down! A friend of mine has a can of airfreshner in each room of her house due to her diet and the cereal and fiber bars. General Mills, you ought to market it for a birth control device because no man or woman is going to be in the mood with all that combustable gas getting in the way of romance! Anonymous on Aug 29 2010, 05:38

Your a goddamn asshole. People are still doing stuff for Haiti, 9/11 and new orleans. Should we stop that too? Let me guess your response, yes and hurry up and die right? She was a great woman and you should be more respectful of her memory. Maybe if you violently died in a car crash you'd understand but wait, why would we care? You don't seem to care that that happened to Princess Diana. You need to learn how to grow up. You asshole! Anonymous on Aug 30 2010, 19:04

Fake pics and a fake website set up by trolls looking for attention. Stupid, childish, disgusting, and immature! Anonymous on Aug 30 2010, 19:58

Dude you´re mad but you´re right!! wtf with the princess?? She died for the stupidity of assholes paparazis and the fake world of her kingdom... You Rocks!! Anonymous on Aug 31 2010, 13:59

Page 76 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

people grow up!! mr. TK (Admin), i seriously doubt if u normal, 1st of all, thoz are fake photos.... & second, Diana was a human being, so you should no celebrate over somebody's death... I bet you can feel the pain if the people you love die....grow up. Anonymous on Aug 31 2010, 15:33

Im so glad i found this website LOL. I have been eating fiber one bars at work and i couldn't figure out what was going on with my stomach. Turns out i was right thinking it was the bars i was eating. I have to keep running away from customers and co workers everyday cause the gas is horrible. Why do they have to be so good? LOL Anonymous on Sep 2 2010, 16:14

Why do they have to be so good? according to you . you ASS hole is doing all the talking monigue.. didn`t it tell you? or did it just say"FARRRRTTT!!!" Anonymous on Sep 2 2010, 21:32

I just finished a phone call with my mom confirming that I was not the only person with Fiber One related gas. I ate two of the bars from my 10-pack within two days. I thought the gas on the first day was a fluke, but by day two the farts were so intense that I knew something had to be going on. My husband kept saying, "Stop pushing them out like that!" -- Little did he know, they were that long and loud all on their own. That night, I was awakened more than once by the farts coming from beneath the covers! By morning, I found that I had my first ever SKID MARK in my underwear! I am thrilled to know that I am not alone in this! Good luck to all others who now need to bleach their underwear! Anonymous on Sep 2 2010, 21:34

I got off work the other day, ate a few fiber one bars for energy, and then went to the gym. I was working out my legs that day, but it didn't go to well because of those damn fiber bars. I was doing squats and every time i went down an explosion came out my ass. It was really embarrassing.. Sometimes I would go down a little further while doing squats to open up my butt cheeks more in order to make them quiet. I decided to switch to my shoulder workout and see if I could manage not farting every 2 seconds! On my second set of shrugs, I farted and felt something warm roll down my left leg. My pride shattered when the nutty terd hit the floor for everyone to see. Luckily I didn't know anyone there that saw, so i just left without making eye contact. The moral of the story is DONT eat these fiber one bars unless you want a world of embarrassment! I learned the hard way! Anonymous on Sep 3 2010, 18:40

Hello! wow alot of people with the same issues!! i am not alone... i have taken Tylenol NO# 3 last night and ate a few fiber one bars for the first time.. let me tell you .. this combo was the worst nuke fart i have ever had.. this sound that came out my ass hole was so loud it .it left a shock wave im sure.. i live in the country and my neighbor lives 6 achers away coud hear my booming fart from inside my house.. it was massive!! good thing i did not blow out windows .. i can not understand why some one would sell such a thing to the population i can see it used for warfare Anonymous on Sep 3 2010, 20:14

Let's look at the positive affects of Kashi:This could be the end of our dependence on foreign oil. Aircraft can now be propelled by the passengers- no longer a need for jet fuel. No need for helicopters- we are now human helicopters. And just think, this Halloween witches can fly without broom sticks. We need only to fuel up with Kashi to be prepared for any transportation needs. We may be able to soon take off to the moon with no rocket required. We no longer need the natural resources of the Middle East- We have Kashi. I had a bad department store experience last week. The associate tried to help me and I had to run from her due to the noxious odor. I plan to offer a bowl of the delicious cereal to my husband Monday as a practical joke. Then it goes in the trash. Anonymous on Sep 5 2010, 02:04

That photo is actually a FAKE. So before you write a pathetic story to gain attention (you were probably deprived of it in your chilhood no doubt) get your 'info' correct. And i'd LOVE someone to post a picture of someone you loved, of them dead and a bit mutilated perhaps, on the interwebs for all to see and for others to mock. Oh so witty hiding behind your keyboard and all... rolls eyes Grow a brain moron and grow up. Let's see you doing something for humanity instead of slandering the dead. Poor taste and cheap and inaccurate 'article' you have here. THIS is actually what she looked like, http://www.anorak.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/michael-jackson-death-picure.jpg "What I could see is that she did not have any injury on her face. Her face was intact. Just a few drops of blood and that's it. She was still very beautiful, very sophisticated lady." Anonymous on Sep 6 2010, 13:37

First, I have to say how much I love these fiber bars. I have always eschewed any type of candy or "granola bar" simply because they had no real nutritional value. That is not to say that I didn't WANT to eat candy. Now they went and put fiber into a granola bar and for once I have an excuse to eat it. Alot of it, at any time of the day or night - because it's "healthy" right? Yes, but then the farts start. Uh huh. Just so you get the idea here, I am deaf. So realistically, a fart shouldn't wake me up at night, correct? Well. Let me tell you. I sleep in bed with my iPhone under the pillow in case it rings. I was farting so loud and so boldly that I actually woke myself up thinking that the iPhone (on vibrate) was ringing and that there was some sort of emergency at hand. Well, there was, but of the farting type. Heck, I don't know about you all, but I guess I love to fart because there's not a darn thing in this whole world that can or will ever get me to stop eating them. I've been eating at LEAST one a day since April. You know how hard it is to get 9 grams of fiber somewhere else that tastes like THAT? No way! I am a skinny little chick and this is my chance to eat "candy" without feeling guilt or remorse so I

Page 77 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

eat and eat them! Now if they'll just start putting 9 grams of fiber into Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Apple Fritters we will know we have died and are in heaven. Yippee! Anonymous on Sep 7 2010, 22:28

I have a setup in my garage where I put a board on a ladder, my netbook on the board, and the ladder in front of my bike, which is on a Blackburn trainer so I can surf the net while I ride my bike. It's even more fun when I've eaten a Fiber Fart bar because I get to lift my ass up off the seat every few minutes to release some jet propulsion. Even better when I am reading this article about Fiber Fart bars while on my bike after I ate one laughing and farting and exercising all at the same time. It keeps some of the odor in the garage, too. Often I will eat three or four (total) for breakfast. I love these little weapons. I make a recipe mixture on a plate with a variety of fart bars to compliment my taste buds. .5 Fiber One Oats & Chocolate .5 Fiber One Oats & Caramel .5 Fiber One Strawberries & Chocolate .5 Fiber One Chocolate Mocha (my a.m. fave) .5 South Beach Diet Smores Fiber Bar .5 Kellogg's Fiber Plus Peanut Butter .5 Kellogg's Fiber Plus Chocolate Chip .5 Kellogg's Fiber Plus Dark Chocolate with Almonds The mix equals about 4 total fart bars and makes a wickedly sharp and handsome smelling gas. One afternoon I'd been busy scenting up the downstairs area and my husband, unaware of my morning fart bar habit and smelling the rich smells, asked me "hey, what are you cooking in here, it smells kinda good." I was silent.

By lunchtime I was farting a cornacopia of scent and sound. Anonymous on Sep 8 2010, 02:01

Wow, it's actually a really lovely film. Don't let them get you down Spickles! X Anonymous on Sep 9 2010, 15:40

OMG! I thought I was going absolutely insane! Not every day, but on occasion would I have so much gas I would have to walk with my butt cheeks sucked so tightly together so I didn't embarrass myself. This has been going on now for about a month, give or take. For the life of me I could not figure it out, and as I write this I am blasting away!!! My dogs are looking at me with eyes saying ... WTF? Well, guess what I had for dessert today at about 12:30 pm??? And guess what began at about 2:30??? You got it! It's now 5:30 and it is still out of control. I am throwing those suckers away!!!! Thanks, you guys. Needed the info AND the laughs!! Anonymous on Sep 9 2010, 17:43

Last night I tried a nice big bowl of Kashi GOLEAN Crisp! cereal. I woke up this morning with the most intense flatulence I have ever experienced. It has not even been 24 hours since I ate it, and I have already farted more than I have in the past year. Anonymous on Sep 11 2010, 14:36

I am crying hysterically, reading this. I long ago banned them in my home after my husband, two sons, and I all ate two each on a car trip. Once we realized what was happening, my husband locked the windows. It was HELL. Unfortunately, he has bought them in bulk at Sams club. It comforts me to know I am not close to being the only one with this "problem". I will NEVER eat them again. There really has to be some chemical, or something VERY wrong with the combination of ingredients, as I eat tons of fiber, and have never had the same reaction. Anonymous on Sep 11 2010, 16:44

I brought one of these to school as snack and two hours later, I had to call my dad to come pick me up because my stomach was so cramped up and gassy. You can't even IMAGINE how agonizingly painful it is to have to hold back Fiber One Farts. I thought my stomach and intestines were going to explode. As soon as I got to the safety of my home bathroom, it was the longest and loudest farts EVER, but at least the pain was relieved. Unfortunately, I had no idea what was causing it at the the time and was popping Gas-X like candy until I polished off the whole box. Anonymous on Sep 12 2010, 19:43

I agree. Corn king bacon is bad. It's sliced unreasonably thin. Even with the lower price, it's not worth it. You're better off buying the good stuff. This, is not the good stuff. Anonymous on Sep 12 2010, 21:16

The beach boys are not singing about what came out of my arse hole this week end, after i had a few fiber one bars.it was the same gas "H2S" that comes out of a sewage tank. fiber one needs to place a bio hazard symbol on ther package to warn people of the danger. Anonymous on Sep 12 2010, 22:45

Page 78 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

HEY FARTING IS ALOT OF FUN. I ONCE RIPPED 225 IN A SINGLE DAY! I HAVE HEARD CHICKS RIP SOME SERIOUSLY LOAD FARTS. GO INTO A WOMANS BATHROOM AND USE THE HEAD. THEY FART MORE THEN MEN, JUST RIP BIG ASS FARTS...I LOVE IT Anonymous on Sep 13 2010, 04:39

In the gay cummunity .it is told that farts are mating calls and are sexualy arousing. smelling another mans fart is sexual and tells alot about his past lovers and what he has eatten supper. it also tell how loose his ass hole by the pitch of his fart. fiber one plays important roll in the gay cummunity.. so hats off to fiber one and pooman "above me "for standing up for his freedom of gay rights. Anonymous on Sep 13 2010, 11:51

Nothing like a vagina that has the essence of butt cheese, vinegar, and dead fish rolled in one. learn to take care of yourselves ladies! Especially you Snooki! Anonymous on Sep 13 2010, 13:17

The US Military should give a box of bars to each one of their soldiers, direct them to eat the whole box in one sitting, wait 30 minutes and send them down in the caves in Afghanistan, We'd "flush out" all the bad guys in a matter of minutes!! Anonymous on Sep 13 2010, 18:42

As of fan of several Kashi products i've gotten away with minimal bloating and gas...until I met the crunchy TLC bars. Great for hikes and skiing or any activitiy OUTSIDE where passing gas is no big deal. I started to bring them to work and OH MY. Being less active and around others is not a good idea ~ these bars are potent fiber! I tried cutting back to just one bar and adding that to yogurt. Please believe me when I tell you ~ eater beware! TLC is a tough lil' crunch that fills every inch of space in your body with air and gas. I thought I was going to explode. Great product and company, but do not mix with indoor activity! Anonymous on Sep 13 2010, 20:02

The amount of farts that I produced today, caused greated concern that I called my husband at his Firehouse and asked what am I dong to produce such loud NON smelly farts. I went into full descriptive detail of how long they lasted, the sound them made and the utter disbelief that they did NOT smell. I have been taking new vitamins. I googled every ingredient thinking it may be that. Put in google search bars, what causes alot of farts.. FIBER ONE BARS came up. Anonymous on Sep 13 2010, 22:58

I am totally mad about what was said! Princess Dianna was amazing! I am very fustrated to hear people being so rude. She did alot for others, if you died like that you would not be happy nether would your friends! I can't belive you would say something like that, research her soon you will change your mind. 12 Anonymous on Sep 14 2010, 13:28

My wife got these really tasty breakfast bars the other day. I had one Monday afternoon with milk. Man was it ever good. It was so good that at midnight I had another one when I woke up hungry. Then in the morning I thought to myself "you know what, that would taste great with coffee." I didnt realize it but I had 3 fiber bars inside of 24 hours. THERE ARE NO WORDS to describe the mayhem that ensued. Can you overdose on fiber? I definitely need fiber rehab. I sound like rush hour traffic in NYC. The philarmonic wants me for thier 1812 overture. I simply cannot stop farting. My stomach looks like I swolled a pumpkin. Little kids keep sitting on my lap and asking me for presents and its only September. Im starting to wonder when Im due. Is there a cure. This has to be against the Geneva convention. This could be our answer for capitol punishement. Just make repeat offenders eat three of these bars and presto they will be rehabilitated. There is no way I want to do this again. Wait ...... there it goes again.. As matter of fact I have done it 18 times while I have written this post. Whats in this stuff? Its like I swollowed a bag full of sea monkeys, marshmellows and foam insulation. Anonymous on Sep 14 2010, 17:05

What a relief to find this page! I love Kashi GoLEAN Crunch and went through milk and every dairy substitute on the planet before I figured out it was actually the cereal itself that was giving me the most painful, voluminous gas I've ever experienced. It's absolutely incredible. Is there no enzyme we can take to break down whatever it is that is causing the trouble? Anonymous on Sep 14 2010, 19:38

Thank you Fiber One! Anonymous on Sep 15 2010, 00:20

I too have googled fiber one farts and have stumbled upon this page. I never did laugh so hard in my life. My wife buys these things and I have made the mistake of eating three in one sitting. Now I usually down a couple intentionally before I go to my brother's house. Anonymous on Sep 15 2010, 14:30

Well I tried one today at lunch. When I got back to work (massage therapist) within a few minutes my stomach started rumbling so badly I actually mistook the sound for thunder rolling in, then I realized it was me!!! I had to hang on for another hour and a half before I could head to the privacy of my truck. Then the rest of the day, every 5 minutes I had a "gas attack". I know exactly what caused it and I'm gonna put these snacks from Hell out in a dish with a sign 'FREE SNACK BARS' at my husbands hardware store. And, btw, they really don't taste that good, really. Anonymous on Sep 15 2010, 23:31

Page 79 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Ha! Love this site. I found this story about fiber one fart bars on a silly site and had to share it here. It's funny as heck! Love Fiber farts!! "Gas Explosion Caused By Fiber One Bars Not Faulty Gas Lines, ATF Says" http://www.thekittycitygazette.com/2010/09/gas-explosion-caused-by-fiber-one-bars.html lol Anonymous on Sep 16 2010, 12:56

I wish I could fart. I am so fricken bloated and with intense pressure...a fart or two would do me good. Just started eating this cereal and I think I'm done with it. The pain is not worth it! Anonymous on Sep 17 2010, 16:37

Oh my, I had 2 bars, and I could not walk. I had so much pain, that people areound me wanted to call an ambulance. I got home and let it rip. My boys were never so happy to hear that sound. Anonymous on Sep 17 2010, 18:00

FIRSTIES! Anonymous on Sep 18 2010, 12:45

I'll never buy this this bacon again. It is made by Tyson and they don't care about the quality of their products. I encourage everyone to quit buying this crappy bacon. Anonymous on Sep 18 2010, 16:08 first of all, I work at a quick service restaurant as a server. before work i ate some fiber one bars . a few hours into my shift my arse hole was shooting off farts every minute. as i walked up to the customers i could not help the smell that fallowed me to thair tables. that place had a linger of pure punjant fart after a few hours.. customers would say.. "wow that food in this place does not smell very tasty" i pretended like nothing was wrong. oh well Anonymous on Sep 20 2010, 00:14

Told him not to do it. Warned him of the dangers. Watched in horror as he ate not 1 but 2 bars within 15 minutes. Later, I watched & then laughed as he had to pull off the highway, drop his jeans, grab onto the vehicle and blow explosive crap out of his hind quarters. Thanks Fiber One! Anonymous on Sep 20 2010, 14:31

Hysterical site, and a "relief" that I'm not alone. My daily discomfort is over cause I'm done with Kashi Go Lean. I think it's whatever they use for the protein but not sure as their other cereals don't cause my stomach to inflate with noxiousness. Anonymous on Sep 20 2010, 22:21

I was in Costco one day and decided I needed to start eating breakfast. I am not a morning person, so I needed something quick that I could eat on the go. The other cereal bars had way more sugar and calories so I opted for the jumbo box of Fiber One bars. The next morning I had the delicious bar as soon as I got to work. I had the most awful stomach cramps I've ever experienced! When I got home I tried to go to the bathroom but it just wouldn't happen and the cramps didn't go away either. I immediately thought it was the fiber one bars but I just thought my system would get used to it. After the third day of cramps and gas I called it quits but I had this huge box of 32 bars taking up space. So I decided to bring the whole box to work and share with my coworkers. By the next morning all of the bars were gone and everyone had a bar related poo story to tell! Anonymous on Sep 21 2010, 00:44

OK guys, I first saw this blog two years ago. I was wide awake in bed, gassing myself into a fog of foul flatulence. I really thought I had lost my mind or was dying. It occured to me it HAD to be these Fiber One bars. I then did a search and found this blog. I see that all of you are keeping up the good work! As for me, I gave them up once I made the connection! I too called General Mills, and they are aware of the blogs. The woman said we are all exaggerating. I asked her if she had ever eaten them and she hung up on me. I pass the shelf where these explosive devices are disguised in pretty little boxes at Wal-Mart and RUN! Anonymous on Sep 21 2010, 00:51 talk about the ass ripp`n on this topic Regis Philbin!!! does fiber One realy know what that product does to ower bowels? my god! man!! this is realy crazy! this makes humans on this planted the most dirty and stinky living thing on the planet.. even my dog looks at me with Disgust .i can see it in his eyes everytime let out a big fart. Anonymous on Sep 22 2010, 00:01 this ad is easily the most disturbing thing i have ever seen. all this does is tell people, "hey, there more you have sex, the cheaper it is to pay for your mistakes." this doesnt EDUCATE ANYONE!!!!! all it does is make it more appealing to have sex, get pregnant, murder your baby cuz well... its free after the fifth time! wtf has this world come to? Anonymous on Sep 22 2010, 00:48

Well, my boyfriend and I decided to try these things and man, I thought it was just me. But when I found out that he too had been straining to not fart all day (mind you, we both were at work and trying to not fart around the people we are working with!) we both came to the conclusion that it had to have been those bars. We decided to do a test and we both ate totally different things the next day, except for these fiber bars, and wham! We both were farting up a storm. I don't think I've ever farted so much in my life, even

Page 80 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

when eating a high fiber diet. These things are clearly fart bars. Taste good, but the after effects are not very pleasing...if you can put up with the gas you're gonna have after, go for it! Anonymous on Sep 23 2010, 00:12 asshole T.K.. you've no remorse Anonymous on Sep 23 2010, 06:42

I need help. Does anyone know how to get rid of the lingering odor from Fibre One farts? I have a vacation home that I go to for the winter. I go there for several months. When I came back to my regular home, I could still smell a faint odor that resembled a mixture of skunk and decaying flesh. How do you get rid of the odor from the farts these bars cause. I think I will probably have to paint all of the walls and ceiling to get rid of this awful stench. Anonymous on Sep 23 2010, 11:06

Wow, I'm so happy I found this website. Glad to see I'm not the only one having a ridiculous gas problem. My dad bought these bars last week, so I decided to try one. I didn't have any problems until I had a second one a few hours later. Two hours after that, HOLY FARTS. Nonstop gas explosion for HOURS!!!! I'm not even kidding. The farts were SO loud that my dog was scared. First she was hiding between my pillows, but then one fart was so loud, she flew off my bed and ran out the door to try and run upstairs. I tried to get her back in my room, but she wouldn't budge! She was scared to death! It was the funniest thing in the world. I was laughing so much that I couldn't hold in my farts, which was probably scaring her even more. I will never eat those bars again! Anonymous on Sep 23 2010, 14:48 i am a truck driver. My wife bought these bars for my lunch, so i tryed a few.everytime i would let out the clutch i would let out a fart. windows down at a stop light i can see the look on the other drivers faces knowing that smell of pure fart was comeing from the inside of my truck. after 12 hours of farts i parked the truck knowing that the seat was satchurated with the oder of pure fart. as a walked to my car after work i was laughing and farting becuase of the suprize for the shop guys. but after this i will not eat another fiberone bar again.. thats to long inside a small area . fiber one might have lots of fiber but im sure of breathing pure methane is not good for the loungs or health in other ways Anonymous on Sep 23 2010, 19:59

Seriously, ok I am from Wales. I moved to America when I was little obviously I doubt that you TK(admin) are even British! If your not British you shouldnt even say a word, and if you didnt even know her you shouldn't say ANYTHING. Your an ass. Anonymous on Sep 23 2010, 21:17

YOU BITCH! Anonymous on Sep 25 2010, 14:03

OMG. I clicked on this page out of curiosity and can't stop fucking laughing. Espically with the twit that wrote "She was riped" OMFG riped..yeah she was ripe. I think these responses are absolutely hysterical. People wake up. She was a fringe royal, she married a colossal asshole, with a whole family of assholes for company. She got killed because she traded up from dumbo and got killed because she was free, divorced legally and shit happens. They had a drunk pillpopper for a driver and the only bad part of it...her bodyguard got fucked up for life because he took a job for $. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL wake up people. She was a person. And do you have any pity for the people she supposedly represented, the downtrodden, the bodies "ripped" spelled correctly, thank you, from the landmines she made so public???? I don't think the pic is real. She was removed from the car and worked on in the ambulance at the sight for over 45 minutes because UK mandates for saving victims is NO where what is commonplace in the US. Yes, they did surgery on her and it lasted almost 4 hours. SHRUG and she...died. ?She was removed. Period. LOOK at the pics of this 'same' car being carried away...The roof is TOTALLY INTACT..... what a bunch of gullible idiots.!! Bravo. You started a global shitfire. You deserve stars because you've got balls the size of King Kong's >>>> LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL oooooh GAWD I can't stop fucking laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!! You people are hysterical in your fanatical outrage. So he photoshopped the pic...get a life.!!!!!! Anonymous on Sep 26 2010, 17:22

I cant believe it took some of you that long to figure out what was cuasing your gas, did you not read the side label it has like 9g of fiber in it of course your going to have gas and not to far down the road probably a hearty BM. Thats why the nutrtion facts are there Anonymous on Sep 27 2010, 00:28

O thank goodness... Ive been eating this cereal on and off for years and I attributed my endless branks to some other element of my lifestyle or diet. I mean these farts were epic. longs and slow and loud rumblings accompanied my explosive bathroom experiences multiple times a day. Kind of embarrassed that it took me this long to figure out what was going on here. No more kashi for me. I think ill just try some regular granola and fruit for fiber... Anonymous on Sep 27 2010, 13:37

To whom it concerns: I have gotten Corn King Bacon for a long time and the last few packages that I have gotten were terrible, it was nothing but fat or fat and a little meat and when I cook it, it cooks up to nothing as it shrinks so much into such little pieces. It has always had a good flavor but when it is so small and you don't have enough to feed maybe one person that is how much it shrink. I was very unhappy with this last I brought so I do feel you need to return my money to me, as I usually by 4 or 5 packages at a time, I shop at Wrights Grocery in Glenwood, Ar. My mailing address is Gloria Edwards 65 Edwards Road. Glenwood AR 71943 until I hear something from your or your company I will not buy this brand again. Thank you

Page 81 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Sep 27 2010, 14:18

Taste good but never again. I hate to waste food but I may just dump the rest of the box. It is unreal what these things do to a body. Anonymous on Sep 29 2010, 12:05

No poo...just gas. Kill me now! Anonymous on Sep 29 2010, 19:24 this is gross . fiber one bars. Are General Mills so dumb that they dont understand how they make people fart from the product they make? please!! shame on you General Mills !!shame shame its fart money you feed your famly with ...fart money!! Anonymous on Oct 2 2010, 01:44 you guys are losers. im a mormon teenager and think you guys have no life. go to hell you bastards. ill smash your faces in . LOL man i pitty you guys who believe there is no god. where do you think we came from? the big bang? where do you think the protons which created it came from? there is only ONE explanation Anonymous on Oct 3 2010, 05:04

I rarely make follow up comments but I needed to respond to "i hate you all die in hell". This entry has nothing to do with God. It simply points out that - no matter how dumb some religions appear to be - Mormonism is perhaps one of the dumbest. I do not claim to know where the molecules of our beginning originated. However I am convinced of one thing. They did not originate is Joseph Smith's penis. Joseph Smith was a liar, a scoundrel, a bigot, and a snake oil sales man. The mere fact that modern people ate up his absurd story about "golden plates" and seer stones is about as believable as me reading your future from your poop. Maybe there is a God, but as far as Joseph Smith goes, I hope there's not - because he'd be in a very warm place right now indeed. Anonymous on Oct 3 2010, 14:21

Wow. Why is everyone overreacting? I think it's funny. And the real racism comes from those who target the kool-aid and fried chicken as racism against blacks. I'm pretty sure I eat fried chicken and drink kool-aid and I'm white. You pretty much proved his example is a good one by judging his picture that way. DUH. Welcome to America ppl where we are "free" to do such things. Anonymous on Oct 4 2010, 01:15

You are f'ing retarded! The fact that Joseph Smith was the only disciple shot in the face, first, he was shot in the chest, second, he was the first lds around when guns were around! Disciple also refers to anyone who believes in God. There were hundreds of LDS who were shot. Joseph Smith's death is not something to make fun of! He died because people thought he was crazy! The curtain for the translation of the Golden Plates, was a sacred thing! Do you think Joseph Smith would let people just walk in and say "Oh! You're translating the book of Mormon?" It was so sacred, he wouldn't let his own wife see it! We have the capacity to believe what our prophet (Thomas S. Monson currently) tells us to. They are pretty much all for the benifit of our bodies. No drugs, alcohol, or tobaco, you answer why that is bad. The modest clothing, that's so we do not be the view of people you don't know. And the no dating til 16 rule, i mean COMMANDMENT!! It so we will not have an extremly serious relationship (you know what I'm talking about) until mariage. Anonymous on Oct 4 2010, 08:39

Joseph Smith is the ultimate con man! Brilliant, yes!! Mormons destroy families all the time. As a matter of fact, the wonderful bishop and his family are buying, I mean preying on my 18 year old daughter right now. They buy her clothes for church and free dental. They have even offered to pay for her to go to college in Utah. Isn't that wonderful. We want her to grow up and learn to pay her own way, but they are undermining everything we are trying to do. They want her to marry their son. We sure don't want that to happen. If you don't think Mormons are deceived just read where Jo Smith got the book of Abraham--what a joke! Jesus in America, not a bit of evidence for their most true book ever written--Book of Mormon--what a joke! Anonymous on Oct 4 2010, 14:29

Bought these after running out without eating breakfast. After about 2 hours, I was so bloated that it had become painful. I happened to be teaching at the time and had to leave the room to get some relief. A kid came out of another room and passed me just as I let one rip and he looked like he was about to projectile vomit. The kids figured out what I was doing so I just told them to stay away from Fiber One bars. However, the more I think about it, today has produced some of the raunchiest smells of my adult life and don't you feel a small sense of pride when you produce something that awful smelling? I may invest in these again one day to produce that shit again. Anonymous on Oct 4 2010, 19:29

I can tell you that the Fiber One yogurt is nearly as bad - you don't want to be around me in the afternoon. I laugh everytime I see the Fiber One commercial where the guy dresses up to keep coming back for more samples - FOOL!!! Anonymous on Oct 5 2010, 13:57

All summer my husband and I kept getting gas off and on. Then I had my colonoscopy before Labor Day and found out I had a diverticulum. Eat a high fiber diet, they said. So I decided to make Fiber One my mid-morning snack. I have been miserable ever since. The gas makes me feel like a balloon is inflating in my belly. I'm constantly worried about farting in class. (I'm a high school teacher) Fortunately, nearly all of mine have been odorless, but every once in awhile...Whewwwww! And no relief after the release. One doctor just told me to take Gas-X four times a day. Guess what? It doesn't work. Now that I know the culprit, I'll look for another solution. Too bad GM isn't interested in our misery. Anonymous on Oct 5 2010, 19:22

Page 82 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I agree with you Anonymous on Oct 6 2010, 09:28 hi!This was a really wonderful topic! I come from itlay, I was fortunate to search your topic in yahoo Also I get a lot in your website really thank your very much i will come every day Anonymous on Oct 6 2010, 12:51

I bought the fiber one bars yesterday, and was farting all evening! today, I had horrible diarrhea! whats up with that! Anonymous on Oct 7 2010, 15:26

I am sad too that she died in such a horriable way but it has been a long time and it is time to let her rest in peace. When I was six I was a big fan of hers but as I grew up I realized she seem two faced one way with the royal family and one way with the media. We will never no the full truth of what she really was like, but all in all what ever her role was she played it well and the people. The royal's have their fault's about how they treated her but she has her own fault's with the family too. I think 19 years old to marry a man in his thirty's she wasen't mentaly mature enough to be married so what do you think she must of been like as a wife she was still a baby not mentaly grown. really we only see the outside picture never the inside. Then again the prince married a girl that young and soo diffrent in age what did he expect she was going to be like. All in all I do belive that Diana was a big manipulater and used that to snag a prince I truly belive that she married Charlies so she can be a princess but didn't realized what a demand that would be because she was too young to see the hole picture, she looked at the fun aspect of it and not the whole side of it like all kids do. She was kind and giving and that we should be greatful for nobody is perfect everybody has a down side to them. She played her role in life that nobody now or ever can take away, A role played soo well that no one ever can compare to she was beautiful loving and had a good heart that can't be out done. Now lets let her rest in peace And lets stop talking about it it is sometimes too much. Anonymous on Oct 8 2010, 12:16

I recommend these to people I don't like or want to play a little joksie on. I also give them to the neighborhood kids when they ask for snacks. I know its not nice but, I bought a family value size box and fiber is good, right? Fretfully fibered out, Me Anonymous on Oct 8 2010, 13:19

I am lmao reading this stuff. I too decided to try these bars for a healthier breakfast. I dont think I have farted in my whole life as much as I have in the last 3 days. Its terrible. My anus muscles are hurting from being overworked. Those damn bars are good at first, but holy crapppp. I feel like my rectum was violated. I am glad I found this info. I had no clue what was the cause. Now I can throw those tasty bars away. If healthy is this painful, for get it. Anonymous on Oct 8 2010, 14:27 after reading all this stuff.guess what im giving out for halloween treats this time? BINGO!! them nast fart bars. lol!!! to them Neighborhood Kids.. there ya go you little farting pricks!! enjoy! Anonymous on Oct 9 2010, 13:08

So what you guys are saying is that some uneducated farmer suddenly made the book when he didn't even know how to read? Only someone inspired of god could do that. And btw Mormons don't break families apart. Why don't you try talk and understand where your daughter is coming from. And to all you critics who think the book of Mormon is a joke and a book of lies, I would like to ask you people a question. How many of you have read it to know for yourselves? Anonymous on Oct 9 2010, 22:47

I hate you all die in hell--you are cracking me up. That is the funniest name I have ever heard of. Do Mormons believe in hell? The Bishop told me they didn't. I thought Joseph Smith was known for money digging or something like that. I also thought he could read. I have read the book of mormon and it really makes me sick that people fall for it. Luckily, I am familiar with the Bible and believe there are false prophets. The Bible says God is a spirit, definitely not a man who has progressed to godhood. If you don't use the Bible for truth, you can fall for anything. As for my daughter, we have asked the Bish and family to give us 3 months for counseling, as she may also be anorexic. Instead, they go behind our back and buy her everything she wants. They keep telling her how strong she is and the only way to happiness is with Moronism. We love her and want her to chose for herself and not be bought by the richest family in town. So, we had to send her to Africa because these mormons are crazy stalkers and will not leave her alone. I mean no disrespect, but have you read about the book of Abraham and where it came from? Have you researched Masonry? Moronism is so frustrating to me because soooo many great people are being deceived by it. Someone inspired by Satan can do amazing things too. Do you know why Joseph Smith was in jail? He may have been crazy, but there is a real reason he was in jail. Have a good day I hate you all die in hell. I am still laughing, for some reason that cracks me up. Anonymous on Oct 10 2010, 00:20

He was in jail because everyone hates him. And btw I could easily say that Jesus was a carpenter so he couldn't have been the mosiah but whatever. People believe what they believe so don't say crap or you will get hit Anonymous on Oct 11 2010, 02:15

(I hate you all die in hell - BTW I live in NSW, Australia) I agree I hate you all die in he'll. Btw I'm gay and horny Anonymous on Oct 11 2010, 02:20 i have a kid in my high school who is morman and she is the biggest hypocrit i have ever met in ways as she is a whore a lier a thief a grass and she drinks caffeine i know they shouldnt because i googled it but although i have nothing against religions i admit that alot

Page 83 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

of them are congregated by horny bastards and rapists and thiefs they give hope and relief to people who would otherwise be hanging themselves or be completly miserable and as for gay marriage i have nothing against it although i think it may just be the result of a faulty genome. thanls for reading. Anonymous on Oct 12 2010, 17:31

211.30.159.99 Good one faggot Anonymous on Oct 13 2010, 16:40

OMG!! Ive had Go Lean Crunch for 2 days and I finally decided to google Kashi and Gas cuz me and my boss have been BLOWING!!!! I was telling her this morning (before we found this out) that last night I had gas soooo bad in the bed that when I woke up this morning to go pee and I QUEEFED uncontrollably!! This is the gasiest stuff EVER!!!!!!! I cant wait to tell my friends and family about Go Lean Crunch and then direct them to this website a couple of days later. My boss who NEVER farts cause shes always clogged is totally blowing guts!!! Bitter Sweet for her! Anonymous on Oct 13 2010, 17:23

I think it is probably hard to live up to all the mormon expectations if you are a member of church. If you are in high school, the girl was probably raised a mormon and it is not really her choice. As far as I am concerned, Jesus will do the judging, not me. To: Die--I was hoping for a little better dialogue on the topic of mormonism. Have you read the book of mormon? Anonymous on Oct 14 2010, 01:09 you youre so mean go to hell and stay tere Anonymous on Oct 14 2010, 09:24

I can't believe this. I'm in the same boat as the person above me. I have been eating Kashi Go Lean Crunch for 2 days and have been experiencing TONS of TOOTS. Good lord! I thought it was possibly because I had taken an antibiotic on an empty stomach, but after today I have pinpointed the stomach cramps and endless tooting to Kashi. I don't think I will have another TOOT-ERIFIC bowl, no matter how delish it is! I'm glad I googled Kashi cereal + farts, led me to a direct page, my roommate & I have been tearing up jokes all night no pun intended! Anonymous on Oct 15 2010, 21:50

One thing I don't understand is that I used to eat them so much in high school--I would sometimes eat more than my recommended value because they were so good. I never once had a problem with them. Now I'm in college and it takes so much effort not to fart in the middle of class. I've occasionally had to run to the bathroom in the middle of lecture to let a big one rip. My boyfriend has woken me up numerous times to report that I had farted on him in the middle of the night. Also, I don't think it is doing me any good as I have not experienced typical results that fiber usually brings (if you get my drift). I think I will be giving up these fiber one bars and opting for something with actual wheat fiber in it. Anonymous on Oct 17 2010, 00:04

This web page should be shut down, that's all I have to say. Anonymous on Oct 17 2010, 17:57 this is not a joke ,there,s good reason for this product not having a company web site . they must be tired of getting all of the complaints.this has to be the absolute worst bacon product on the market .i,ll give them this much ,they have perfected the art of cutting this fat in as thin a slice as i,ve ever seen . never will i consider any more of corn kings products Anonymous on Oct 18 2010, 09:46

I love kashi. I've never had so much fun eating any other cereal. The gas is unbelievable. Seriously you could run the streetlamps in all of India on a case of thus stuff for an entire year. The farts are LOUD, voluminous, and relieving. Nothing compares. Taco Bell? please the border has nothing on thus stuff. The taste is awesome and the gas is tremendous. I love ripping huge farts in public, especially in front of kids because they laugh while most adults act or actually are offended. I've never had so much bang fir the buck. Anonymous on Oct 20 2010, 00:12

What kind of a website is this its a horrible website. This is what some kind of person would write, who ever did this website is a mean. And this website should be dumped. Anonymous on Oct 20 2010, 03:21

You mutherfucker how dare you say that to a beautiful person... a person who showed the world how good she was. What about you who will remeber you no one but your pet dog or a rat from the sewer you bitch go rot in hell she helped many people. What do you do - guess- write fucking stupid comments about someone who showed the world how great she was... I wish you could die in a car crash as well and you'll then like it went people write bad comment and SAY YOU ARE A SLUT ! - WELL YOU ARE. I wouldn't like that. Just mind your business and by the way you are a cad a liar an asshole a bitch a penis face and a... a piece of crap dropped on the floor for people tread on it. Bitch Princess diana rest in piece you are a woman of faith and will live forever in heaven she is the best her soul is clean rip xxxooo Anonymous on Oct 20 2010, 09:06

Page 84 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I also was faced with same problems. It ususally starts with me about 3 hours of eating Kashi cereal. I felt, that when I purchased, I was eating healthy! You know, doing something great for my body/weight. Then it started....OMG... How embarassing. I thought there was something wrong with me. For a few months now, I have been trying to figure out what it was and then I found this website. I guess I will have to get my OMEGA from another source as well as the fiber. I have such bad flatulence that my intestines actually gurgle... I am going to stop eating this starting now!!! I work closely with people.. omg how embarassing. Anonymous on Oct 20 2010, 16:30

I stupidly one day ate 1 1/2 bars while I was at work. Now normally I fart more than the average person but this day, I was keeled over in with such gas pains I was fartingin my seat. Silent ones of course but my stomach was in such pain I couldn't stand it. I ended going home because I had so much gas pain & was letting the fart bombs go that I couldn't even walk upright. Never eat them at work and only eat 1/2 a bar! Anonymous on Oct 20 2010, 20:52

You are a mother fucker you know that you must have a penis head to be writing this BITCH! You are a big fat Cunte you better know that fucking bitch because princess diana was a amazing person and you are stepping on her soul like dog shit you fucker you go fuck yourself in hell penis head and take your fucking aditude with you asshole go have sex with your penis. You better have heared be fucker you penis head what the fuck is this website for it is a fucking joke you know that bitch it is a fucking joke and you defintley go fuck yourself in hell like so badly. How would you like it if you were in a god dam painful car crash and you died and someone made a fucking horrible website like this BITCH! All i have left to say is go FUCK YOURSELF IN HELL ASSHOLE! Princess Diana you were a wonderful person i dont know what is wrong with this Penis head who made this website. Rest In Peace Princess Diana Anonymous on Oct 21 2010, 03:31

Good Lord! Finally I have the answer as to why I feel like my ass will never stop exploding with the most horrific smell I've ever experienced in my entire life!! Plus my stomach has been puffy almost every day for the past two weeks..at one point I was convinced that I might be pregnant! Jesus! NO MORE KASHI PRODUCTS FOR ME!! Not even their oatmeal. I love it but it's not worth all the stomach cramping, bloating, and HORRIFIC smelly gas!! Bye Bye Kashi!! =( Anonymous on Oct 21 2010, 10:16 people need heroes people need hope what people dont need is retards like joseph smith shoving shit down their throats i must admit that it must be hard sticking to everything in a religion but the bitch at my school just says shes mormon but she really isnt i know a few of the mormon beliefs but she goes against just about everyone of them. and the teachers at school empower her beause she got raped or something but i think you shoudnt get things given to u so easily and u shouldnt be judged by wat happened to u but what u do urself and i hate you all die in hell u can go and eat my shat. (long live halo and bungie...... )p.s i have not read of more shit Anonymous on Oct 21 2010, 22:33

I wouldn't even give these Fiber One bars to a starving homeless person. It wouldn't be kind. Anonymous on Oct 22 2010, 21:35 my office cubicle smells like pure arse hole! thank you sooo much General Mills you nasty bastards!!! Anonymous on Oct 23 2010, 00:17

Trust me, it's not just Kashi GoLEAN Crunch. It's the Kashi Honey Almond Flax cereal as well. I thought I was dying of some disease, had some kind of cancer or something. I suspected the cereal and when I read about Chicory Root, I checked the ingredients and sure enough it had Chicory Root listed. Good by Kashi Honey Almond Flax. Anonymous on Oct 23 2010, 16:18

Hiya guy, Right mormonism is a belief nothing on fact. But is any religion based on fact that everybody agrees with. People are entitled to their own opinions on religion and I respect that but to go out of your way to slag them off seriously guys what's wrong with you. People can believe what they want. I think it's disgusting that people are so quick to judge others. No person is the same as another so why stereotype Mormons as retarded ??? Just to add in I'm a teenage Mormon and will answer any questions on our religion. I feel some people are looking at our religion all wrong and have some very wrong facts. Yours GRACE xxxx Anonymous on Oct 24 2010, 10:55 okay this may be beside the point entirely but why the fuck are mormons going on a site titled mormons are complete fucking retards that means that grace guy and the brutish thug i hate you all die in hell. shit are u guys honestly lookin up a website trashing ur religion and if u are then wtf thats just retarded. if you dont want to see this sort of thing then dont even look at it because seriously it makes u look like fucktards that just want to fight and not defend ur religion. p.s i like buddhists alot cos they dont start or fight in wars. p.p.s wars are just mankinds way of saying im a bloodthirsty dick that needs an excuse to murder people. p.p.p.s im aethiest in case ya havent noticed. so to summarise if you dont like the site fuck off or blow your brains out i dont care either way:)..... Anonymous on Oct 24 2010, 18:51

Page 85 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

storm and others that said things the way stjorm did is completley correct...with all do respect to the late lady di i admired her for so long but i started to come to a realization that she was only a person and that people are making her a personal god. Yes she was a kind loving person but we dont know what she was like beyond what the cameras showed us..the royal family had their say for a reason we will never know the gods honest truth and its none of our buisness because god is the one and only judge. All the lovers its time to move on admire nobody but the lord and savior hes perfect and haters stop being so cruel but then again evil hates good. Anonymous on Oct 24 2010, 23:50

Hi Grace, First of all, welcome to this discussion. Secondly, I found this by looking up "Why are mormons so fucking retarded." As a practicing mormon, how did you find this page? Since you seem to be literate, I would love to ask you some questions. Do you know how many wives Joseph Smith had? Was polygamy kept a secret? Did BY have multiple wives also? Where was the first temple and what happened to it? Were you raised a mormon or did you choose it yourself? Anonymous on Oct 25 2010, 00:38

Hiya, For the first guy I have been hearing about these websites from my friends and try said I should set some people straight because we aren't evil. And for the second person I would like to say thank you for being respectful tirades my religious beliefs. First of all I am not sure how many wives the both of them had but thy definitely had multiple. It was not kept a secret In those days people would marry multiple people back it was totally normal. When farmers died wives were left homeless and had no money men would marry them so they had money etc. We no longer practice this as we abide by the laws of the land. Our first temple was made in America in navoo it was burned down as people did not like our practice. It was tragic as everybody worked on it and it was beautiful made from families linnen and gold etc. Out temples nowadays are allot more amazing and extravagant I have been to the Preston England temple loads and it's amazing. I was born into the church and am from a 4th generation of Mormons from my dads side. I have a strong testimony of the gospel. I hope that may have helped.

Grace xxxx Anonymous on Oct 25 2010, 13:17 still why the hell are u looking at the site it was made for the purpose of people letting off steam about stuff hell i feel better after i wright each time and where did your friends learn about it at some point in the chain somebody must have looked it up specificly and now ur lookin it up i get that ur very devout to your religion and i respect u can keep at it but seriously why are u looking this up if someone told u it was there then accept it cos there will always be people who will not agree with a religion so just let it go nobody will agree on everything and if they did nothing would happen everyones crazy ideas would be made public and tried which is just retarded u cant force ur point either not naming any names (i hate u all die in hell cough) so just accept it and move on just try to care as little as possible about other peoples views and live:) Anonymous on Oct 26 2010, 17:18

Wtf, you are right....I researched "Why are Mormons so fucking retarded" because they bug the crap out of me and I need to vent, I do feel better afterwards. Grace, since you came to this sight, I am going to continue to vent. The temple was burned down because jo smith was a crook, go ahead, do the research--he was a money digger and a cheat. Polygamy was not ok in the US, ever. The Mormons had a "revelation" when they were about to get in serious trouble with the government because of polygamy. He had up to 49 wives some were 15, 16, 17 years old, that is just sick!!!! The first complete temple now belongs to a mormon sect. Joseph Smith was in jail because he burned down a printing press. He was killed in prison after he shot two people. One does not die a martyr's death, if he is armed. After his death, the church split.Emma did not like polygamy, she did not go with BY. The 3 witnesses of the book of mormon were ex-communicated. Mormons have secret ceremonies that take after mason ceremonies and wear special garments. When you get older and do the endowment ceremony, if you feel it is wrong--get out!!! If you accept Jesus into your heart, you don't need a secret name to get into heaven. You also don't need a man to pull you through a veil. Mormons do so much ridiculous stuff that people get sick and tired of them. Research all the symbolism of what you have on the temples, it is Satanic!! In the old testament, a temple was used for animal sacrifices, not baptizing dead people and eternal marriages. The symbols in the undergarments--from freemasonry. JS was the biggest fraud ever in the history of the world and he has so many good people fooled. The bible says God is spirit. Mormons say God is a man, who progressed to godhood. The God of the Bible is spirit, he is not held back by a physical body. No one has ever seen god and lived. Funny how js saw him in a dream. Don't even get me started about Jesus in the Americas, oh brother!!! Has it ever occured to you that Jesus' complete life can be mapped out in Israel and not a drop of evidence of the bom can be found. Those are some of the reasons people think you are fucking retarded...... Anonymous on Oct 26 2010, 23:47

WTF can I just say I agree with you. Totally and completely. You have your views and I have mine but the next person is exactly why I came onto this website she or he has completely got it wrong. Js never shot anybody he never got revelation to stop paligomy we just abide by the laws of the land and I don't even understand what your talking about in that as it is all a load of balonie research all you want you aren't getting anywhere. And how would you know what emma smith thought on that subject. In the 18 hundreds it was the norm to marry people when you were teenagers and to have multiple wives. He got imprisoned because Of false charges which actualy were proven false people didnt like him and accused him of disorderly conduct of preaching the gospel and he was shot and killed when a mob broke into his jail cell and shot him. Anonymous on Oct 27 2010, 12:58

SICK! Glad to know that we can all go out and spread ours legs because after the 4th our 5th is free. The baby can feel everything, just plan sick to think that people would do that to their own children. Anonymous on Oct 27 2010, 14:00

My GOD!!! I knew it was the bars screwing me up. Try eating two for a night of fun : ) Anonymous on Oct 28 2010, 03:56

Hiya,

Page 86 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Would like to add to my last statement. I have been doing some research and the mob actually burnt down the printing place as that was were the book f mormon was printed first. And also we never got revelation that paligomy was wrong we have always had a commandment that we must abide by the laws of the land and that is that paligomy was band and as it was band we are no longer allowed to practice it. There is no scientific evidence that the LSD church isnt true. Can I ask people on this something. Is it a sin to see god and Jesus in a grove of trees and after they tell you to form the church of the last days and you obeying them and forming it. Is that a sin. Is it a sin to believe that a 14 year old farmer boy started what is the most true church on earth. Why does everybody find it so hard to believe that a mirical could happen. My friends cousin was suffering from cancer and it was terminal. He had no hope in the world that he would live and he lived 2 more years after there was a family fast on his behalf. He was only 24. He lived so much longer because his tumour shrinkef baffling doctors all over the country. In the LSD church we love each other very much and think of ourselves as a family. We do not worship idols or anything so how is it satainist?? Satain has prompted you lovely people to think bad of a church which has done nothing wrong. We go through life with direction and are happy an have hope. How is this a bad thing ?

Yours grace x Anonymous on Oct 28 2010, 17:28 i feel really happy and i dont know why although its hard to make a comment on my wii and cakeatmidnight i had no idea those things happened but they sound about right although i rofl when i hear so many got tricked by a retard like joseph smith its kinda sad well it takes one to no one i guess and to grace lee you really shouldnt be here you seem like a nice guy although i dislike the religion u seem pretty nice i hate you all die in hell belongs here because hes some wierd guy who threatens to hit people through a glass screen well i may see ya again. (joseph smith) "blessing here 1 blessing for thirty million dollars" (guy) "em your prophecies seem kinda fishy" (JS) "well your erectiley disfunctionul" by the way why does anybody care what aguy whos been dead for about 300 yrs anyway. Anonymous on Oct 28 2010, 17:43

I ate one of these bars 3 hours ago and googled the results. nuff said. Anonymous on Oct 28 2010, 21:25

" Nathan says: 08/17/2010 12:40:42 PM My wife's family was taken in by the con man Joseph Smith from the very beginning. Got his hooks into the poor bastard (actually he was wealthy) and sucked him dry. Smith was as slick as Bernie Madoff. All he ever did was ask for cold hard currency (gold silver) or your belongings (cattle/oxen/mules) and he handed out his freaking blessing in return. After giving the "prophet" $30,000.00 in gold and belongings Smith told him "your children will never beg bread". No shit?? An neither will yours you thief. Then there was the good old Kirtland Safety Society Bank bank in Kirtland OH. Ohio would not charter the Mormons a bank so they started their own with donations from our family. In exchange they got paper money that two years later were only good to start a fire.The poor man left Kirtland witrh $7.50 in his pocket and a broken down team of mules to take him to Missouri. (where the garden of Eden was/and was going to be the new Zion)" you do even know who this man was!? This man's name was John Tanner and you know what we are learning about Church History in Seminary this year and we just learned about him and you want to know something he was the most spiritual man and had such outstanding love for this Church. And you want to know something I bet you didnt know about him. He was about to die and he went to a meeting where Mormon Missionaries would be and he actually went there to bash them and put them in his place and you want to know what happened he wanted to learn more about the Mormons and instead of dying his leg was healed. And do you want to know something else if "Joseph Smith...All he ever did was ask for cold hard currency" why did when JOHN TANNER! come to give Joseph $2,000 that he owed the church why did Joseph tore up the paper and told him that his family would never go hungry and just to tell you that man was an amazing man and probably the Church is so strong today. And just to tell you that money he gave caused the Kirtland temple to be built and helped many early latter day saints and some of his descendants are now major church leaders in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints so thank you very much maybe you should read up on ur family history a little more cause i felt the strongest spirit learning about him so I thank you're wife's ancestor because he has cause my testimony to grow. and no offense but to me it seems like all you care about in this world was his money....and he was already a very generous man before he joined the "Retarted Church" i bet that makes your wife's ancestor feel so proud of her and you in the after life. knowing that you think what he did was of no worth. and christ taught that we should give up worldly things and give. Just thought i would let you know. and for all of you people saying that i and so many other people are retarted for my beliefs, 1) that word is not politically correct 2) i would rather be retarted and sit here and feel the spirit almost every morning then have to hear this hate and ignorance. O and i believe that Christ said that the most important commandment was to love everyone and these words of hate do not sound like love or what your savior and my savior have taught us and even if you do not believe in him. I know that he still believes in you and he does love each of you as he does me. matter what religion i am or you are. We are all the same. We are all children of god and when i look in another persons face that is what i see. I see my spirit brother/sister who i know my savior loves and why shouldnt i love them. Because Jesus didnt give up his life for just me. He also gave up his life for you and he knows everything/feeling you will ever feel and he will always be there for you....when you need him he is there. I do love each of you. I may not know you. But i know that i knew you before. And that is all i need so goodnight and if you would like to take this conversation to somewhere else where the title is not hateful of itself i would be happy too Anonymous on Oct 28 2010, 21:54

Thank you WTF Anonymous on Oct 29 2010, 12:20 wow people really think you sit on a cloud for eternity thats really stupid cos ud get bored really really quickly and as i said before this is a thing to vent your feelings!!!}:( nobody should care its an insignificant website that like 10 people look at 10 out of six billion aint that many and also as i sed before why the hell are mormons going on this site i no y grace goes on and ihyadih (abbreivieation) but other than that why it seems so utterly retarded btw when you die your corpse rots somewhere theres no magic cloud and thats just the sad and annoying truth Anonymous on Oct 29 2010, 18:18

To "i hate you all die in hell"...actually the Big Bang CREATED the protons and electrons and there are particles and energies in the

Page 87 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Universe (see quantum and string theory) beyond your mormonic comprehension.... Anonymous on Oct 29 2010, 21:19 i think there may be somebody of a higher power but i dont think all that other stuff exists cos why would 1 being spend all of his time listening to everyones pleas that would drive anything or one to insanity Anonymous on Oct 30 2010, 19:14

OMG! I just purchased your bacon for Sunday brunch...That will ever happen again. This is the worst product ever . Not only is it paper thin it has no taste. On the package it states easy to seperate. That's crap it comes apart in 2" pieces crumbled. Sorry you just lost another consumer! Anonymous on Oct 31 2010, 11:59

I tried to save money, and purchased 11 boxes of the Go Lean Kashi cereals when they were on sale. I was intrigued by the variety of choices they offered. What a horrible mistake ! My entire life I have never let out gas. Well,you can guess what started to happen after eating the cereal for 2 days ( 1 cup of dry cereal per day-for fiber and protein purposes ). My stomach felt bloated, cramped all over, and of course the unexpected gas all the time. I also thought about seeing a M.D. after this continued for 2 weeks . I eliminated the carbonated beverages from my diet, and then later left out the Kashi ( which gradually worked). Last night I tried Kashi again and got a horrible stomach ache during the night. Thank you for this website. Now this certainly proves what we all have been experiencing . Anonymous on Oct 31 2010, 14:48 wow we livin in a sick world not much more i can say than that... Anonymous on Nov 2 2010, 23:09

HILARIOUS! I thought it was just me! Last week i ate about 4 over the course of the day...i was farting for 2 days straight!!!No lie! I thought something was seriously wrong with me. I didn't realise it was the fiber one until yesterday when i ate 2, i was studying in the library and i had to leave cos hold my farts in was painful. As soon as i steped outside i let rip.. I had to cycle home and farted with each push of the pedals. ugh! Anonymous on Nov 4 2010, 15:40

Holy Moly! I've been eating this cereal for about a month--thought something was seriously wrong with me--did I have polyps? cancer? And then it hit me--is it the cereal? This morning I experimented with my body and intestines. I ate a bagel and yogurt for breakfast...no gas...so this evening, I googled "kashi gives me gas" and found this site. It is classic! This site is better than any comedy show. Thanks everyone for letting me know I am not alone, and also giving me lots of laughs. I probably added several years to my life due to all the laughter! Anonymous on Nov 4 2010, 20:07

The first rule of Fart Club is you dont talk about Fart Club. Anonymous on Nov 4 2010, 20:41

I was taking alot of laxatives before I had my colonoscopy and he told me to stop because the lining of my intestons was black. (scared) So I had to have somthing to make me go, I take alot of meds and it is detramental that I use something, so well he says eat fiber. Well, I bought the dark chocolate ones, omg, they wereso chewey and tasted so good I couldn't believe it. Well Well, it is good that my husband is hard of hearing, ha ha I have never in all my life had so much gas. I think I could eat 2 firber bars and put on my skates and go across the state line and back with all that air pushing me. I hate to give them up but I can't stay away from people because I will fart on them and be imbarrassed. Maybe my belly will go down also, I feel so bloded, oh no I just had to fart, Haaaa now I feel bert Anonymous on Nov 4 2010, 22:33 first off my family is mormon i am as well but i honestly dont believe. if i say i dont believe or if i question something im of the devil which is bullshit because i may not know if god exists but i KNOW satan doesnt exist. satan is some fairy christians made up to scare people not to sin. satan isnt whispering in ur ear dumb fucking christians and mormons too. satan is just the darker aspect of every humans soul. thats right ur tempting urself. Anonymous on Nov 5 2010, 01:12 next if somethings true it will always be true and polygamy law changed. and last of all dont believe what people tell u question everything. who cares what ppl believe its there life cutting down someones beliefs is just the same as them shoving theres down your throat. and dont think u know everything trust me mormons dont have it all and if there humble they should be able to except that. but this is just my opinion and funny how everything is a parallel haha well every one is a hypocrite. Anonymous on Nov 5 2010, 01:20 one last thing i think all religion is retarded but some aspects of hinduism are interesting like how everyone can choose there own paths and different ways of living a good life. but then again just my opinion and as far as proposition 8 i dont think gays should marry its all in there head. and if everyone became gay then we would die out but then who am i to say they arent really homo anyways enough of my beliefs i TRY to live byim gonna go have a schmeeg peace Anonymous on Nov 5 2010, 01:31

Illuminati, I can respect those beliefs. It seems like you actually thought about it yourself. If you don't believe, can you leave the church? I have heard it is really hard to leave it. Anonymous on Nov 5 2010, 02:38

Page 88 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

@facepalm. Cause nothing decided to blow up into energy. Cause there was nothing but blankness, and It his blew up? If you think us Latter Day Saints are "retarded" then what does that make you? Lol you are al keyboard warriors. Come to australia where 70% Mormons are Fobs (islanders, tongans) and I don't think you would fee comfortable saying to us in person rat mormons are retarded. Keyboard warriors and nothing more. Btw wtf. Through revelation the celestrial kingdom is made up of 3 different levels of glory. Top is you are as god. This is saying through your own experience you become a god with, well... Basically your own rules Anonymous on Nov 5 2010, 03:28

This is so messsed up. Why would you kill something that is YOUR fault. If you wouldnt have had unprotected sex in the first place you wouldnt get pregnant. Its not that hard to put and condom on and use it. Its not the babys fault, its your ingnorance. Dont punish the baby for this. Your goin to hell for this, is all i can say. Anonymous on Nov 5 2010, 10:25 i think that everyone is entitled to there own opinion, but i think that some people's opinions are based on an unrealistic view of the church. I may not be an active member of this church anymore, however the time that i spent with the church was fulfiling. I personally do not see reason for people who have not actually attended this church (even as an investigator) to say this church is retarded. The church nowadays teach children good values, and the majority of mormons are generally nice helpful people. They are taught that (and even being inactive i still believe this) that regardless of who are, if you see someone in need, you should help them however you can, even if it has no personal gain towards yourself. i also read a comment about "door knockers" i do not know which church this originated from, however mormon "door knockers" are actually missionaries, who spend two whole years of there life trying to bring awareness of the church, and helping better the lives of the peoples of the societies that they are assigned to. I guess all that i am trying to say is that, mormons havent really ever done anything wrong to the community (as a whole i mean, not individual mormons) and just because you dont understand something does not mean that its makes it retarded. Anonymous on Nov 7 2010, 14:53

I'm too cheap to throw away the rest of the box. But I look like one of those starving African kids. Anonymous on Nov 8 2010, 01:22

Well DO NOT GO ON A DATE after you have ingested Kashi. Not to mention having sex in this condition ! You could remove eyebrows without any effort! Anonymous on Nov 8 2010, 05:47 love this site ... just found it ..and am doing my best to keep my incredible farting to myself here at work. Not easy. Like so many of you, I look forward to my Kashi go lean cereal every morning. But, after a VERY close call at the grocery store this weekend, and ridiculous odors in my office this morning, I had to google "kashi golean cereal and gas." Is there NO solution, or does the best cereal around have to be fed to my chickens, so I can be safe in public again?! Anonymous on Nov 8 2010, 11:25

Ha ha, Jeffro's comment!! "The first rule of Fart Club is you dont talk about Fart Club." FOL Anonymous on Nov 8 2010, 23:07

Hey asshole why dont u hurry up and die! Im so sick of people like u! anyways people dont be so gullible ! this fucking moron doesnt have any thing better to so he put a fake pic of dying princess diana...... how would u like it if someone photoshop ur mom or ur wife or ur family and put it out there like that? respect the dead and respect princess diana- get a life Anonymous on Nov 9 2010, 00:24

Hey asshole try spelling words out... Use your words. If someone did a photoshop job to my Mom or my Wife I would take it with a grain of salt.... So I am assuming you were either the Mother or the Wife of Princess Diana??? Hmmm, makes sense. Let me speak in a language you can understand... "U are N idio8... U can Suk my Harry Balz..." Douch-cock-nozzle. Anonymous on Nov 9 2010, 00:57

Whoah, Guyz! Come down already! The dude only wrote 96 words and this post has like 84 comments! Princess Diana wuz deeply respected and like still is. But u have to admit she did have some bad...'habits' i'm gonna say. I guess she just fell under the pressure of da media, 'n like all great famous people, she died. Princess Diana died, Martin Luther King died, Heath (F**K'N HAWT) Ledger died, and so did my grandpa (he taught me how to make a kite! He wuz da greatest!). Its hard 4 some people to let go coz some people are emotionally attached to her (and others r just obsessed or pervs). But anyhoo, I have 2 say that the way the bro wrote it wuz harsh. Maybe he wuz drunk? Jokes. Anonymous on Nov 9 2010, 20:05

Article = laughing = more farts Anonymous on Nov 9 2010, 23:12

MAN U SORRY LOW LIFE AZZ SON OF A BITCH,,,,, YA PUNK AZZ NEED TO HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT YA STUPID BITCH I HATE MOTHA FUCKAHZ LIKE U. U HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO LIFE SO U DO SHIT LIKE THIS,,, SHIT I HOPE THEY CONTINUE TO TALK ABOUT HER, HAVE BENEFIT CONCERTS, & WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE THEY WANNA HAVE. HELL I'M A SINGER MY DAMN SELF & I'MMA HOLD A BENEFITING CONCERT FOR HER & I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER PERSONALLY BUT THE BEST PART I'MMA DEDICATE ME HAVING THE CONCERT TO YOUR FAGGIT AZZ. STUPID BITCH LIKE I SAID HAVE

Page 89 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

SOME RESPECT...... ! i agree with u garner & most of the rest of ya'll Anonymous on Nov 10 2010, 07:05 michael you have some good points there and i really hate to stress the fact that this site is for venting no one should give half a fuck about what people wright we wright this to feel better about it hell id bet you any sum of money that without venting we would all probably be radioactive vapor. fear the mushroom cloud and greet death who has been folowing you your whole life lifting his scythe at varied speeds and then bringing it down Anonymous on Nov 10 2010, 18:58

I finally got my answer! I have had the worst smelling gas ever. I thought that the new Go Lean I bought (Crunch Honey Almond Flax) cereal had to have maltitol in it, but it does not. I cannot figure out what it can be that causes so much smelly gas. I normally eat Go Lean (non-crunch of any kind) and get no gas that explodes like this. I did try the plain Go Lean Crunch and found that it just bloated my stomach so terribly that it was hard to take deep breaths. But this Almond Crunch goes way beyond bloating. These toots just linger in the air forever. They seem to stay in the fabric of the car seat. I am just glad that I got to the bottom of all of this...hehe! Anonymous on Nov 10 2010, 23:16 i totally agree with the need to vent. I guess, to me it just seems a bit odd, that people vent against one church, which they dont understand about. But that is just, perhaps this issue helps them vent out unrelated anger as well, in which case why not? Im not a bible basher at all, i just enjoy giving light on what would seem a darkened situation. However i will say as an inactive member on the church, i do have rather different views on religion, that the church does not support, however i bear no ill will. I cant say that i enjoy the amount of churches/religions in our world these days, however i do not dicriminate against any of them. Im glad that these people have found a peace in an otherwise hostile world. But these are just my opinions anywaysm, everyone is completely entitled to there own Anonymous on Nov 11 2010, 06:05

I delivered my last baby 6 years ago. And for the first time since then, my hemmorhoids are back - with a vengeance. Thanks Fiber One but we are over. Anonymous on Nov 14 2010, 02:41 em michael there are lotsa sites expressing anger for many things i looked this up because mormons bug the shit out of me i do show some disdain towards other religions i admit but mormons cross that fine line of annoying to just plain retarded thx Anonymous on Nov 15 2010, 10:42 michael you are also right about this world although i would call it cruel and unreaonable alot like an x girlfriend but this universe is vast and actually the world is caring the universe is an asshole tho Anonymous on Nov 15 2010, 18:05

Mormons are retarded and I don't understand how anyone can believe Jesus was in America! There are no maps that show anything that is in the book of mormon. Jesus' real life is mapped out in bibles. That is one super retarded thing. Who sends their 19 yr. old boys away for two years???? Mormons! The missionaries are a real pain in the ass and they are spreading lies all around the world. Does the book of moron or the Bible say to send your teens away for two years? Don't get me started on temple ceremonies or special underwear--how is that not fucking retarded????? Anonymous on Nov 15 2010, 20:29

Nice Photo!! even if she did survive , she would have looked well fucked up...like gazza!! lol she is famous because she had it all. beauty, fame, any man she wanted.. fuckenn paps Anonymous on Nov 16 2010, 13:57

Holy crap. Seriously its 330 and I'm in the work bathroom and i just had a meeting. Fiber one bars should be given to inmates at gitmo. Fuck waterboarding. These nasty things are working through my system like a japanese bullet train derailing down a steep gravel path. If u ate one before going to the airport they'd have to arrest you since u now have an improvised explosive device in your digestive tract. Sheeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttt. Why did I eat that? Anonymous on Nov 16 2010, 15:38 your an idiot, are you english? because if you are your a disgrace! never again will there be someone as graceful and caring as lady diana, she was truly one in a million, google her name and see how much charity work she did, she did more in her short 36 years than you clearly will in your life. yes she was a mother, and a fantastic mother at that, caring for her sons whilst caring for hundreds of others and dealing with the media intrusion with grace and dignity. yes many people mourned the death of diana, but why shouldn't they, even though at the end of her life she wasn't a princess she was more like a queen in most of the public's eyes. all she did was try to do good, yet there are people like you who cannot accept that someone in the public eye was a good and upstanding person. i hope she lives on in her sons because he will one day be atleast my future king, and if atleast 1% of diana's personality is in princes william and harry then our country will be a better place. i cannot believe you could be so disrespectful and cold-hearted to write this, how would you feel if it was your mother, daughter, sister, friend, wife or aunt who died in a tragic accident? you would want to fulfil their memory, and that is what our nation did and will carry on to do because she should never be forgotten! have some more respect for the dead or keep your opinions to yourself!! Anonymous on Nov 16 2010, 16:26

Page 90 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

em i wiil be changing my username to ftw = for the win and also mormons are mainly just pedophiles and it would be very very annoying to have somebody come to your door telling you such and such is right and all who do such are failed advertisers and failed advertisers are douchebags eat my shit smithy Anonymous on Nov 16 2010, 17:37 putting stuff and comments like that is just sick your a disgraceful little bastard and you just got told by a 13 y.o teenager ! i will just laugh my socks off when you die aha you son of a bitch!!!!! Anonymous on Nov 17 2010, 14:28

So EVERYONE talking crap on the mormons, Why are you wasting your time seriously? I can imagine more than half of you dont have a life and have a VERY low I.Q. So what let them belive what they want weather its True Or False. If i said GAYS should all die you guys would get all anal about it. i could care less about it because thats the way people want to live thier life and we SHOULD ALL R E S P E C T that. None of you have brought up a good point and all that comes out of your lil keyboard is the F word and Retarted SERIOUSLY Get a New hobby and leave it to god to decide.. Ohhh wait is there even a god anymore ha ha ha hah Anonymous on Nov 17 2010, 21:54 look all of u who said bad things about diana when u die there will be no one to look at u even ur mum or dad and u will go to hell. this isn't a jock. there will all of as to say bad things about u then saying good thing. Look how many thing she done to as and if she wasn't here all this day we will be dead. Anonymous on Nov 18 2010, 15:04

Man whatever u have done here is not the way to treat any dead human.And Princess Diana was surely an elegant and careing women in the history of british royal family.And i will always respect her for the good work she has done for people around the world not just for britain. I dont know your english or what but im from Pakistan and pay respect for to here for being so good.tc all Anonymous on Nov 18 2010, 15:55

I bought a jumbo box of Kashi GoLean Crunch at Walmart which was bigger than the usual size and ate half of it before bed. Holy flame thrower Batman I was incapacitated at work the next morning and literally had to throw my underwear away that night as I had a major plotcher. It lasted for 20 hours

. Anonymous on Nov 18 2010, 22:52

Princess diana was an really gold hearted person. she helped the needy. Queen Elizabeth killed her without correcting her own son.. F queen elizabeth Anonymous on Nov 18 2010, 22:56

I can think of a few ex-girlfriends that should be getting these. Anonymous on Nov 19 2010, 14:52

I'm actually laughing at how much controversy there is on this website and I respect that people are calling us Mormons things that have valid evidence to. I respect that you all have opinions. I think this site is pretty good ecause if you hate mormons I would much rather you slag the religion off than the people in it who and just tying to do their own will. I would much rather people say it on here than bully people for their beliefs like I was. Thank you to those who are coming onto this website rather than taking it out on the people of the LSD gospel. Yours, Grace Lee xx Anonymous on Nov 19 2010, 16:14

KITTY im 140 or higher so it isnt slack jawed imbosiles on this and for the last fuckin time this is a place for venting and if you dont wanna read something you object to or dont like then go away and also judgeing by your evil laugh at the end you have a wierd sense of humor so why do you care what people on this wright and another thing how are so many people finding a site venting about anger towards mormons other than directly looking it up i dont see any other way Anonymous on Nov 19 2010, 17:16

EXACTLY My point if you dont like mormons then why do u keep fucking Talking bout it like your obsessed Like you said if you dont like it then GO AWAY Venting because you hate mormons?? maybe you need a lil more help than venting on this website Mormons are juss doing thier own thing believing what they wanna believe. they dont do anything to get in your way so whats the deal. i just wanna know..Well am i not allowed to "vent" also Evil Laugh ummmm its over the internet IT WAS NOT An Evil Laugh. This is My Evil Laugh MUAHHAHAHAHAH Anonymous on Nov 19 2010, 23:50

Page 91 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

lol cool evil laugh. you wanna know why people go on this site to vent its so it does not escalate to something bigger and its not meant to hurt anyone cos its away from the people it would hurts routine and just going on this shows that curiosity is a powerful thing. by the way my evil laugh is looking in the air an going ha ha ha HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA Anonymous on Nov 20 2010, 06:15 lol cool evil laugh. you wanna know why people go on this site to vent its so it does not escalate to something bigger and its not meant to hurt anyone cos its away from the people it would hurts routine and just going on this shows that curiosity is a powerful thing. by the way my evil laugh is looking in the air an going ha ha ha HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA something happend so i have to change my name back Anonymous on Nov 20 2010, 06:17

For one week my wife and I kept farting and could not figure out why. At work and at home, it was very uncomfortable. We gave our kids some of the bars and they started farting and getting shits. We then realized it was the bars we started eating a week ago. I will never eat this shit again. Anonymous on Nov 20 2010, 09:51 why would anyone ever say something so mean about her and be so nasty what did she ever do to you nothing! she liked to help the needy she was a very good person and very pretty she didnt ask for nothing to happen to her so why dont you go f your self, and stop saying things come on now Anonymous on Nov 20 2010, 14:58

Ok she was a princess, her death was tragic, yes. It's been over ten years now. Can we please stop talking about it? As for this blog...it was probably one of the most foul things I have ever read in my life. Most of it was unnecessary. She was a human being, we all die eventually. Again, yes it was a tragedy but It's been over ten years now. Didn't anyone ever teach you people to not talk ill of the dead? Anonymous on Nov 20 2010, 23:10

A friend told me about this horrific picture. This is not the least bit funny. To TRY to get a laugh at the misfortune of someone else is sad. This should be pulled. Someone wasted precious doing this, and a lousy job it was, too. Get a life and have some class. Anonymous on Nov 21 2010, 15:18 don't worry guys, the admin will die sooner as well. lol Anonymous on Nov 22 2010, 09:42

I signed up to Kashi's website simply to comment on how bad their products are. I called them out on their own website!!! I suggest you do the same. Here's the funny thing... when I registered under the user name "bloated", someone else had already taken the user names "terrible" and "gas" !!!!! LOL Anonymous on Nov 22 2010, 22:49

I was laughin AND fartin reading this.. U are hilarious Man.. I found this when I went to Google, put a knife to it's neck & said "Fiber One GAS"... Luckily it brought me here to cheer me up.. I did eat 4 of the delicious Apple Streusel bars in less than 48 hours so that may be where my problem lies LOL.. Mann those things were like CRACK! Anonymous on Nov 24 2010, 02:41

How fucking dare you talk about her like that you twat. She's a human being like me, but I'm not sure about you, how could you be so cold hearted you freak! Anonymous on Nov 24 2010, 12:48

How dare you >:( Anonymous on Nov 24 2010, 13:01

YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE!!!!! I cant beleive you would put pictures of these horrible pictures of the beautiful princess and bash them like you did! HOW ABOUT YOU GO AND DIE ALREADY ASSHOLE!!!! Anonymous on Nov 25 2010, 10:20

I saw these on sail at the store I normally go to. They looked pretty good to I decided to buy some. I tried one and though they tasted really good, so I ate 3 more. I was completely normal for a while, but about an hour of so after eating this, dear god. I was farting non stop every 3 seconds. It felt like a bomb exploded in my intestine and the explosion squeezed out my butt cheeks. the next 2 days I had random fart surges every now and then. I later earned the name "Gassy Gwen" by my friends. Anonymous on Nov 26 2010, 04:14 you are ugly people! >. Anonymous on Nov 26 2010, 19:08

If they are his I really feel bad for him. =( I was hoping it would be at least medium sized. Anonymous on Nov 27 2010, 03:20

Page 92 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I joined the Mormon church 35 years ago. Before that, I was protestant and quite familiar with the bible. My grandfather was a presbyterian minister and my family is very protestant. I can see why people have a hard time with Mormoism. It does not fit their paradigm of how the world and religion should be. But I gotta say that it is difficult to get around revelation. The thing is, I know that the Book of Mormon is true. I can say that I know that the sun will rise tommorow but that is only an educated guess based on many years of past experience. I cannot explain the knowledge of the Book of Mormon. After reading it and thinking about it for some time, I received knowledge. It was like I was brain dead and then all of a sudden I understood completely. It reminds me of an old star trek episode where doctor Mcoy Placed some sort of alien head gear on in order to understand how to reconnect Spocks brain. Before he put it on, he said that no one could do it. After he put it on, he said "of course, a child could do it". When a person has this kind of knowledge, it is hard ot persuade him otherwise, even when the argument seems rational. Anonymous on Nov 27 2010, 19:51

Peter, You believe Jesus came to America and the other bom nonsense??? You wear your garments that have symbols on them?? The devil is fooling you!!! Anonymous on Nov 27 2010, 20:28

Don't forget that the Garden of Eden was in "Missouri". Oh my God I can't believe people believe any of that shit... It's not a question of faith, it's a question of elementary-school aged science and common sense. Anonymous on Nov 27 2010, 21:00 well peter what you are is gullible you cant just belive everything you hear or read the fact is that the sun does not rise and does not move it is our steadfast guardian in space and the earth is moving on a very delicate axis andwait 35 years wtf how old were you seriously unless your like 50 i doubt you wouldve changed your mind cos any age younger than 25 is too stuborn and below 13 is too young and suggestable and to the admin im actually surprised to see you again cos i havnt seen u in a while. and peter even your names very protestant peter = st peter = peter rabbit = super mutant Anonymous on Nov 28 2010, 19:26

Excellent post, and wonderful collage, TK. Keep up the great work! Anonymous on Nov 28 2010, 22:31

I wanted something healthy and chocolatey so I ate a few fiber one bars, or should I say, evil laxative trick bars. However, the high decibel farts weren't the only side effect. Within 2 hours I was having horrrible cramping and severe liquid diarrhea, and spent the next 6 hours on the toilet. I could have traced the path my intestines take through my abdomen, by the obnoxious gurgles and pain. I became so dehydrated and was in such agony, my husband wanted to take me to the hospital. Things must have sounded pretty scary from the other side of the bathroom door. I did lose some weight, but I would not recommend this as a weight loss method. Homeland Security should figure out how to sneak these things in the diet of terrorist suspects. Anonymous on Nov 28 2010, 22:47

I wanted something healthy and chocolatey so I ate a few fiber one bars, or should I say, evil laxative trick bars. However, the high decibel farts weren't the only side effect. Within 2 hours I was having horrrible cramping and severe liquid diarrhea, and spent the next 6 hours on the toilet. I could have traced the path my intestines take through my abdomen, by the obnoxious gurgles and pain. I became so dehydrated and was in such agony, my husband wanted to take me to the hospital. Things must have sounded pretty scary from the other side of the bathroom door. I did lose some weight, but I would not recommend this as a weight loss method. Maybe fiber one bars are the result of some bioterrorism research. Anonymous on Nov 28 2010, 22:49

The other morning I was in such extreme pain I was worried that my appendix might be ready to burst so my husband had to drive me to the ER. I don't know if you were joking in your post about childbirth pains but I labored and gave birth 3 weeks ago and at the hospital I described the pain as being worse than contractions. Seriously. I had to do my breathing in order to deal. While there they could find nothing wrong with me, and the pain went away just as they were about to administer morphine, so I declined the pain meds and eventually went home, never knowing the cause of the pain. (I had eaten a Fiber One bar the night before). Yesterday evening I ate a Fiber One bar and a few hours later I was in excruciating pain on the toilet, hanging onto the towel rack and trying not to pass out and throw up at the same time. I could not believe the quality and quantity of crap that came out of me. This morning the gas pains continued and exhausted from the pain I decided to go ahead and take that one percoset I had been saving after I had my baby via C-section and this relieved the pain, although right now there is still a rumbling in the Bronx. I began to remember a conversation around the lunch table at work between a few co-workers about how they had tried Fiber One bars and it had given them horrid stomach aches...so after Googling I found your website. There is something NOT RIGHT about those damn bars. I had been wondering why they, being so delicious, are ALWAYS on sale at the grocery store. Mmmhmm! Anonymous on Nov 30 2010, 11:28

Page 93 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

miss her love her Anonymous on Dec 1 2010, 06:59 even if you dont believe in christianity and the bible and all that. Galatians 1:5 proves mormonism is stupid. Mormons believe that the bible is god's word, yet they turn against it and write their own stuff? that's enough info for me to think its stupid, but then they just throw on a bunch of other weird stuff too. Anonymous on Dec 2 2010, 02:46

I have had these fiber bars from Kelloggs. It was in my belief that I never came closer to god on a toilet seat then I did eating these bars. I prayed to god to vanquish the demons that feasted on my stomach and my small and large intestines and sphincter. I prayed "Noble and all knowing yet mysterious in all ways all mighty creater of all God. Please release the possessed fiber in which I have consumed (as I reach for more TP) on this day for I do not deserve such pain and misery. Release the chocolaty goodness that Satan has forged in to bars of evil out of my body. Please allow my digestion system return to its natural state from Satan's imps with large sharp claws and teeth. Please God. Amen. Anonymous on Dec 2 2010, 08:44

Ok I too found this page and had tears running down my face... I have been a victim of these tasty devilish treats for few weeks now and the bad part is I have two huge boxes of them from Sams.... Looks like I will have to suffer for another month or so because I am too cheap to throw them out... Oh well I didn't really like my officemate anyway.... (Sorry Carlos).... Anonymous on Dec 4 2010, 09:49

The picture of her dead makes me disgusted at who would do such a thing. Don't get me started on what this page is called?? That pic of her dead is outrageous to put such a caring Princess and a fine leader one day up for random people to gwaap at. Prince Harry is getting married for gods sake , do you think he want pics of his mum up like this?? How would you feel if it was your mum?? Disgusted. Poor Princes Harry and William. My sincere condolences... Plus who would want to murder the lovely Princess Dianna? She was a lovely Human Being butter than some of the arse holes out there... And don't you think she would of had better security? Prince Harry and William would burst out in tears if they saw this...SaD Anonymous on Dec 5 2010, 08:27

I can't believe there are that many people with fiber one farts, I had to leave work early today because I couldn't stop farting, it hurts! Im farting as we speak! Anonymous on Dec 7 2010, 00:31 your an immature ass-hole. wait til you die Anonymous on Dec 7 2010, 00:56 i agree they do lots of wierd stuff but thats just thier very wierd selves Anonymous on Dec 8 2010, 16:47

I just enjoyed a fiber one bar about three hours back. It was so tasty I had a second. now im blasting my ass off to the point I had to google "fiber one farts" and lo and behold I ended up here, ~laughs~ Farts~ wow. Anonymous on Dec 8 2010, 22:56

She is dead. And your right people do need to move on. I don think she would have wanted anyone to linger of her death. But you cant keep people who were touched by her to stop from mourning. There is a way to go about things like this. Your way was rude and disrespectful. What could she have possibly have done to you? Have you lost someone you cared about? Do you still mourn them being gone forever? We are trying to keep her legacy and kindness alive. Don't ruin something for others because you are bitter. Anonymous on Dec 9 2010, 14:40 i ate two of these things for the first time because my boss bought them and offered some to me. there so tasty. later that day when i get out of work i go to shoot pool with my friend. every time i bent over to hit the cue the biggest fart would come out. not just any ole big fart but like a world ending fart EVERY 30 SECONDS it was ridicules. i could have filled the Hindenburg with all that gas Anonymous on Dec 10 2010, 17:02

What you did was unacceptable. period. I don't even know how to communicate with you because you wouldn't really care would you? Anonymous on Dec 13 2010, 00:36 ok so i just bought some of your bacon and i almost puked! it looked good from the package but when i opened it up and put it in a pan i almost died. it was speckled with black shit! it looked like someone had put black dill weed all over the bacon it sickened me! i can honestly say this is the worst bacon i have ever seen in the world its fatty moldy and gross i will never ever ever buy it again and i would not recommend anyone to buy this product unless you want to get mad cow disease or some shit CORN KING BACON YOU ARE SICK ASS PEOPLE FOR TRYING TO SELL THAT NASTY SO CALLED BACON TO PEOPLE!!!! thank you corn king i am now scarred for life Anonymous on Dec 14 2010, 15:18

Dear Fiber One,

Page 94 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's fart, one hundred percent.

Sincerely, Dr. Seuss Anonymous on Dec 15 2010, 19:51

Yeah, I too suffered GLC toxic gastritis. It took me 2 days to isolate this. Day one Go Lean Crunch for breakfast (1.5 bowls), normal lunch and Dinner and a small bowl half way to bed time. I had terrible cramping all day and the trademarked Kashi MEGA FART Machine all day. Beyond belief volume of gas. I was seriously worried and never would have expected a reaction to a store bought food perceived to be benign like a breakfast cereal. I gotta belive this is Al Quaeda's next attack on our country as it is shocking if you have had a Kashi GAS attack. This will go down in my memory as superhuman gas effect. I seriously want to give this as a christmas gift to a number of people I know to share the love. Not sure if it is the crummy grade of soy protein as I used to eat this years ago and recall no discomfort - Now WHAMMO - Look out T Boone Pickens as the Kashi Plan may be to compress this gas and run the country's transport systems on this methane producer rather than his subteranian natural gas. This site is hilarious and I showed my family which suffered through those 2 rough days. Anonymous on Dec 19 2010, 22:22

After me and my wife ate a box of fiber one bars we tryed spooning... VERY BAD IDEA!!we blown each others faces off.. kinda like a ukranian stand off//so thank you again fiber one you evil cock suckers!! Anonymous on Dec 20 2010, 22:13

Hey ruffle, why don't you take your vile crap somewhere else. It isn't welcome here. Anonymous on Dec 20 2010, 22:35 why dont you go to hell aazzhole. no humor you sorry sack of shi.it? its not your site is it shiit face? ill post what ever the fuk i want .im sure your a dumb unkrainian bohunk thats farts alot Anonymous on Dec 23 2010, 00:38

Why don't you die you dirty fuckin' bastard. Showing cocks on pictures. Then saying the things you said about Princess Diana Anonymous on Dec 23 2010, 00:46

I agree with ruffle. JB if you don’t like the humour then you need to stay away from here. This entire page is funny and all the commons are price less.There is enough of your kind of ignroant people as it is.. we dont need one wrecking a fun web site .maybe don’t come here this place is NOT FOR YOU! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME Anonymous on Dec 23 2010, 04:55

^ hahahahahahaha Anonymous on Dec 23 2010, 15:14 hey guys, calm down! are you gonna ruin christmas? this is the best time to stock stalkings with fiber one bars so the whole family can be surprised and enjoy together ! Anonymous on Dec 23 2010, 21:57

I had heard a few rumblings on the street about these things. However my wife bought a box for me because I need more fiber. Being cautions I only took one bite of one bar and put the rest of that bar in a ziplock bag. We'll see what happens from one bite. It has been 3 hours and so far just a few burps..... Anonymous on Dec 24 2010, 09:43

Thanks to fiber one (not the bars-the poptarts) this was the worst Christmas of my life. I could care less about farting, (and I'm burping too) but my stomach is so swollen that I look pregnant- my jeans don't fit me, and they weren't tight to begin with, my stomach and bowels hurt so bad that I feel like I'm dying from the inside out. I ate one pack of poptarts by fiber one last night and I've been in so much pain today that it has stopped me from having a normal day. Or even a somewhat normal day. I can't eat- I keep throwing up well I'm not throwing up FIBER ONE unfortounately, and I'm in excrutiating pain. I'm in gas hell. I tried gas-x cause farting doesn't relieve it, neither does burping, and my mom finally decided that I must be constipated so I just finished eating my second pack of them trying to make myself crap. Then I came to the computer just to see if they've honestly helped anyone else go #2 and I come across this page. Now I'm in tears but not from laughter- from horror because I just ate another pack and I'm terrified of what the next couple of days will bring me. It hurts so bad. My mouth has a perma-taste of burp, my butthole hurts from farting, my stomach is KILLING me. I can't take another day or two of this. Its terrible. Its the worst thing I've even done and I am thinking about going in the bathroom and MAKING myself throw up just to get this fiber one shit out of me. How can they sell this shit to us legally? Its got to be unhealthy, I mean, it REALLY hurts. What can I do to relieve myself? Please help me. Please. I have a baby and I'm in so much pain that I'm having a hard time taking care of him, I don't know what to do, I'm going ot have to stay at my mom's again and beg her not to go to work tomorrow to help me with my son. I'd give almost anything to make this gassy pain stop. Please help me, if you have any suggestions. I'll try anything that sounds like it might help me. Anonymous on Dec 25 2010, 23:09

I had recently bought a pakage of corn king bacon to make appitizers for my Christmas gathering for my family. It was NOTHING but fat and was UNUSEABLE!!!!,No bacon wrapped weinies for us,what a waste of money to purchase this product,and a HUGE dissappointment

Page 95 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Dec 26 2010, 11:19

So one bite seems to be the "safe" amount. At this rate I would eat a one bar in 5 or 6 days. Putting it back in a ziplock bag after each bite. Also I took this one bite in the morning and ate a bowl of cereal afterwards. I think an empty stomach would be too much room for this beast to play in all by itself. Seriously ONE BITE per day. I still got gas, it wasn't horrible, no pain, but I did burp and fart more and the farts have a specific smell I have not experienced before. Maybe some sort of chemical experiment going on down in the depths. I'm creating a new compoiund or something. I have no idea the horror some of you folks who claim to have downed a whole box must have gone through. EVERYTHING IN MODERATION, this is key Anonymous on Dec 28 2010, 09:53

I have been eating Fiber One bar for several months now...lost 40 pounds...but today I chewed in one that had something green, and it was no mildew...I feel nauseating and light headed....God knows what was in the Fiber One Bar, but it is pretty discusting...I told my co-workers that if I died to let them know that I ate one of these bars... Anonymous on Dec 28 2010, 11:17

I love Fiber One bars. I spent the Christmas weekend with my wife and family at my grandparent's house. They eat Fiber One bars too. I must have eaten 5 or 6 within 3 hours....and today, I'm dealing with the consequences. : ) It was worth it though. Those bars are DELICIOUS! Anonymous on Dec 28 2010, 15:09

I am so glad to see that I was not alone...I went to the doc, thought I had major IBS and was going to need further testing like an upper or lower GI or something like that. I would have never thought it was my Kashi Go Lean Crisp that I so enjoyed every single morning. I really thought this stuff was so good - so yummy - but nothing was worth the HORRIBLE pain I wnet through at work every single day. There were times I doubled over, the pain was so intense and the bathroom noises were so embarassing.. I am so glad that this ordeal is now behind me as I quit Kashi cold turkey and switched to Paul Newman's cereal. Phew....huge relief...lol.THANKS! Anonymous on Dec 28 2010, 17:20

Now as a devout Satanist, which is just another way of saying I'm an atheist who is completely disrespectful of things that do not deserve respect, ex. Christianity, Religion, Spirituality.. The usual shit con men aka Clergy try and pull to explain why their non-existent, yet ALL-POWERFUL deity needs more fucking money to pay for the Church’s new organ, light bills and feed the poor or what have you, as for the Mormons aka/ The Church of Latter Day Bullshit, what can I say? I read the Book of Moron and it’s a bigger piece of crap than the New Testament, it reads like a fucking Chick cartoon.. Hell at least the Old Testament had some authenticity to it in-between all of its bullshit. What a complete sack of shit, the only thing “spiritual― people are good for is lion feed.. We need to mandatorily sterilize them for the good of the nation and forcibly abort pregnant Mormons! Laws should be passed to protect people from unwanted self-deluded evangelicals who spread their lies door to door in the same way we have “Do not Call― lists to prevent unwanted telemarketers! What the world needs now is a new leader and “we― are waiting..lol. Anonymous on Dec 29 2010, 05:56

Dude. I started laughing my butt off whilst reading this. Not only was I eating a Fiber One Chocolate and Oats bar, but I was on my second one and I just ripped one whilst laughing. Anonymous on Dec 30 2010, 20:45 heh usually that would cause kind of a stirr but no one but me ever goes on anymore but its nice to see a new comment but yeah i admit you have some parts of a point Anonymous on Dec 30 2010, 21:59

Shut the fuck up. Corn King bacon is sweet as a country morn. Everyone over 40 knows that. Anonymous on Jan 1 2011, 21:49

It's small but I'd fuck him that's because I'm rubbing right now Anonymous on Jan 1 2011, 23:21

HAHAHAH. i'm almost tearing from laughing so hard at these responses. i thought it was my daily Yoplait gasing me up. walking around campus in and out of classes on the verge of farting my brains out is not a nice feeling! there were even times i couldn't hold it in (not in a silent class of course).... haha onto special K now. Anonymous on Jan 4 2011, 00:03

Everyone likes their own brand. Anonymous on Jan 4 2011, 15:42 what a wreck i bought 4 pkgs of cornking bacon NO GOOD was all different sizes in the same pkg. some wouldnt pull away from other pieces it all ripped apart. what a pain in the butt. v4kze Anonymous on Jan 4 2011, 17:45

I have never laughed so hard in my life! I started eating these when they first came out a few yrs ago, and we called them Fartbars. I

Page 96 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

thought it was me. My friend and I were going to start a diet this week, and I thought I would research before eating and came across this wonderful, insightful site! WOW... wouldnt you think the company would change that if they knew people would only buy one box? I guess I will have to find a different diet plan! dating and farting just do not go together no matter how much weight you loose! Anonymous on Jan 4 2011, 22:31

I had two today and class was horrible....i had to hold in massive amounts of gas for each 90 min class. Now im bloated and look pregnant. Not a good look for a junior in highschool. :/ Im just glad i am not the only one! Anonymous on Jan 5 2011, 00:11 he's circumcised! Anonymous on Jan 5 2011, 04:33 this is so unfair. Anonymous on Jan 8 2011, 03:57

It's the CHICORY ROOT FIBER in it. Anonymous on Jan 8 2011, 23:03

I have class in 5 min and I just ate one in combination with a pepsi max.. oh god I feel it already.. please help I ate one before reading this site!!! OH GOD IT HURTS AHHHHH!! MY A** BURNS!! Anonymous on Jan 10 2011, 09:50 picked 2 pkgs. because it was on sale.....Never again, I see why they put it in a cardboard box, I would be embrassed too!!!! Nothing but fat, fell to pieces trying to get it pulled apart, ( shaved bacon!?!?) I will pay the extra or do without!! Anonymous on Jan 10 2011, 10:23

I have taken farting to a whole new level with these Fiber Bars! Never ever never have I farted like this!!! You have got to try the Strawberry and Oats Fiber One Bars! They are 10 times more potent than the Chocolate or the Caramel, try me on this! My secret mix is two Sausage & Egg McMuffins and two Hash Browns with two Strawberry bars and then Chicken Noodle soup for lunch, by 2pm you will pollute a corn field! You will cut 30 second farts all night!! I Love You My Dear Fiber One Bars!!!! Anonymous on Jan 11 2011, 20:05

Holy Crap! I was starting to wonder why I was having such horrible gas. My gas has smelled like death and rotten eggs combined for the past couple weeks, It has been so bad that the other day I farted and my bf dog was right behind me and he actually threw up!! I outta start bottling this stank up and selling it as a deadly weapon!! We should gather all fiber one consumers into one room and see who the last man standing would be hahhaha. Anonymous on Jan 12 2011, 02:22

I too ate the devil bar. At first I didn't make the connection, but the following day was worse. I felt like a Human airhorn. I had one Blast that must've lasted at least 60 seconds and the decibel level was on par with a vacuum. Brutal. So on a whim I decided to google fiber one and fart. What a shock! Not Anyways, I'm giving the rest of my box to a buddy whose going on a roadtrip tomorrow.... Anonymous on Jan 12 2011, 04:31

I didnt think it was possible to release gas a good 500 times a day and counting. Im suing this bastard General Mills. Anonymous on Jan 14 2011, 01:02

I haven't farted in 3 weeks and I eat like 4 fiber one bars a day. I have no idea what you are talking about. Anonymous on Jan 15 2011, 13:14

I purchased these Fiber One bars from the Rite Aid near me (they were on clearance because they were past their expired date!) Ate about 3 of these bars Sunday night, and Monday was the an epic fart day. I actually had a tape recorder with me, so I have proof of how wicked these farts were.....one of them lasted like 30 seconds. I literally said out loud (even though no one was in the men's room at work), "sorry, I had to cut that a little short". I rarely have gas so bad that it makes me laugh, but hell yeah.....I'll never eat these damn things again! I will send my audio files to the author of this page....I'm so glad I stumbled upon this "support group"!!! LOL Anonymous on Jan 16 2011, 09:36

Page 97 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I can't even tell you how funny this is to me. They need to add farts to those commercials. They spend SOOOOO much time talking about how good they taste (obviously they are a selling point and are being truthful according to all of you), that they neglect to mention the unwanted side effects. What you are not stating (I didn't read every single comment) is: Do they make you poop? Lord knows I do not need to eat these as I have IBS and the LAST thing I need is fiber, but I thought about eating something similar as I can't eat much in the morning. Thankfully, I chose a smoothie! Anonymous on Jan 16 2011, 18:48

My farts woke up my baby and made her cry. They smell like angry hot doo doo. Damn you Fiber One. Anonymous on Jan 17 2011, 22:39

My Son asks for these for birthdays, holidays, etc. He loads up on a few bars and then heads down to friends house with his lighter. Good times! You get great blowers with these bars. Anonymous on Jan 18 2011, 11:01

I'm sitting in my daughter's pediatrician office and am trying shard not to rip any more of these horrendous blowouts!!!!!! I decided to google kashi and gas. I'm getting the best ab workout laughing at all the posts!!! My 6 yr old ate it this morning and she's sitting next to me right now tooting up a storm! Ha!!! No more Kashi Crunch for me!!!! I was afraid to do yoga this morning. Imagine the silence that my ass would break! Anonymous on Jan 18 2011, 18:31

These bars made me go home from work sick.Ugh, I bought the ECONOMY size box for goodness sake; I don't have enough enemies to give them all away to! I did find that Ginger tea seems to helps settle things down a bit and relieved the stomach distress anyway. Anonymous on Jan 18 2011, 23:40

Oh, good grief, you are RIGHT - it is the chicory root fiber. I didn't know it had that. I've had "issues" with that substance before. What a shame because it's a yummy cereal. I guess I could just eat it when I'm not going to be in social situations. I telecommute so co-workers aren't an issue. However, my cat might have something to say about it. In the winter, she likes to snuggle way down under the covers behind my knees. The first evening after I ate this colon-blow, a massive gas attack snuck up on me. You should have seen the look on my cat's face when she came up out from under the covers. If looks could kill. Anonymous on Jan 19 2011, 23:31 wow well She was the most beautiful and most respectable woman i knew. I was only 10 years old that day i still remember everything what happened that day. I don't know why you posted such a disgusting post on internet. We will all die one day but doesn't mean our feelings for others who died we will forget them. I will never forget Princess diana what she did in her life. She served lots of poor and needy people in the whole world. Not for being famous. She was born as an angel. She died and she is in heaven now. She is resting in peace now with lots of angels around her. She deserved the best so she is getting all the good things in heaven now. Believe in heaven or not, but let me tell you, seems you do not read bible or religious books in your life. Try to read them and learn how to respect the world and People around you. Noory Anonymous on Jan 20 2011, 15:36

Praise God for your website. I was on hold waiting to get an appointment with a gastroenterologist when I thought - I wonder if it was something I ate? Crossed off Burger King. Never had issues other than I shouldn't eat there. Banana...... noooo. Apple...... probably not. Wait I did eat that stuff with a bowl of Kashi this morning...... first time I ever ate it. And sure enough...... just like some of your readers comments...... about 3 hours later...... just like clockwork..... I guess the only way I can describe it is if you've watched the opening scene from "Saving Private Ryan" when they hit the beach...... kind of like that.....but LOUDER...... if felt like every breath I took resulted in an immediate fart.....it's awesome. I've never gotten so much work done today! All my coworkers that's come any where near my cube to "shoot the ----" so to speak have high tailed it out of here before they got within 10 feet of me. This stuff would be great anytime you go to meet with your Parole Officer, or pay a speeding ticket or prolonged negotiations with the IRS. Chow down on this stuff before you go to DMV and you'll never wait in line again! Anonymous on Jan 21 2011, 19:20

Well tweetynole asked if they make you poo? Well not for me... it all starts when your belly rumbles// imagine the worst case of gas build up in your bowels. It feels like pure air with some wet fart spatter. But in my experience with fibre one bars it does NOT make make me poop it seems to stop you from pooping and makes your guts build up the gas and the raw sewage in the bowels and lets it out with with air pressure factor about 40 p.s.i or more. In some cases it will give a person the runs."So they calm" but it depends on ones system, Anonymous on Jan 21 2011, 20:52

Welcome to my nightmare. I think you're nose is going to like it. Anonymous on Jan 21 2011, 20:59

Page 98 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Why do people keep saying folks are "bashing a religion they don't understand"? What exactly are we not understanding? Did Smith read silver plates out of a shoe instead of gold ones out of a hat? What is there to misunderstand? It's absolutely moronic to think any of that shit is plausible. Don't get me wrong, I think religion as a whole will be the downfall of mankind, but Mormonism has to be one of the most pathetic offerings of the religious world. Anonymous on Jan 21 2011, 21:38

Great to know I'm not alone!! Googling "Kashi GoLEAN Crunch gas" brought up this site. The stuff has been giving me incredible amounts of gas. I think it was the reason I thought I was becoming lactose intolerant a few months ago. This stuff should be *pulled from shelves*, it is kinda ridiculous. Anonymous on Jan 22 2011, 16:31

Mormonism has to be one of the most retarded of all retarded religions, but all of them are fucking stupid - if Christianity is true and they believe in one god and one holy book - why are they always mad at each other and arguing? Why do all the fucking dumbest retards in government so called Christians against health care, against a live-able wage for the working class, for tax cuts for millionaires, ALWAYS pro-war, capitalist pigs? Sarah Palin should be a fucking mormon because she is the mose retarded stupid bitch in politics, and I am from Alaska. Islam is a hater religion, Hinduism must have been thought up on a bad acid trip.... I could go on and on - we should start taxing churches. I hate religion - fuck you and your stupid hater gods. Anonymous on Jan 22 2011, 21:27

I just bought a Costco box of Fiber Plus (Kellogg's) from Costco (36 bars) and they were tasty. The first 2 days I had them, I had 1 for breakfast and noticed I was gassy as hell and didnt think twice that it was the bars. This is the 3rd day and I did a quick google search and came to this page. I refuse to eat any more despite how good they are. Anyone want 34 bars?! haha Anonymous on Jan 28 2011, 14:28

Seriously, who would have known! I was wondering I have been having such bad gas. Thanks for sharing all of your stories. They are hilarious! I do like Kashi Go Lean and just bought the big box from Costco. Good thing I work at home! Anonymous on Jan 28 2011, 18:31

I thought that I was alone in this! It's not even gas for me, it's downright going to the bathroom back to back 15 minutes after ingestion.....it's a pain, and the looks I get during class are enough to make me grimace. I like the cereal, but I guess the "GoLEAN" is making me not want to indulge in it, ever again. Anonymous on Jan 28 2011, 19:32

All I can say is this thread is a relief. I was in a hurry to get to work and i Ididnt didn'thave much food. I went to the store and grabbed 2 boxes of these. Before i I I knew it I ate both boxes, 5 bars in each, 10 total. I thought I was going to die from the severe abdominal pains and extreme gas. Biggest mistake of my life. Anonymous on Jan 28 2011, 23:27

Oh my. This is too funny. All of the above happened to me. I also learned that our soft pillowy sofa cushions are like a sponge. If you tru to slip one out w/o anyone knowing while sitting on these, the cushions absorb the odor. When you get up and then come back and plop back on the cushions, all the gas is forcefully thrusted out and into the air. So embarassing. Anonymous on Jan 30 2011, 14:17

Yea... I just ate about a whole costco sized box of the bars because they tasted soo good. What comes next is going to reallllyyy SUCK! Anonymous on Jan 30 2011, 20:21

OMG LMFAO as I fart. I bought a box yesterday of the caramel and oats and tryed one right away - sooo good. But after a couple hours the gas and farts began. I thought it may have been the new stir fry recipe i made for dinner, so today I decide to try just half a bar. Well within an hour it was confirmed - the fiber one bars were actually FART ONE bars. Thats when i googled and found this site. Thanks for all the good laughs and Thank god I only ate 1/2 a bar...Hopefully the farts will stop soon. Really wish they didnt taste so good, i hate to throw them away. Anonymous on Jan 30 2011, 21:23

Original blogger is crazy, that's all. Be aware that there are people out there who are crazy, Diana certainly knew that. Anonymous on Jan 31 2011, 22:39

This has not been my experience with the cereal at all! Are people really experiencing extra gas or is this one big trolling spree? Anonymous on Feb 1 2011, 17:58

Well I was pronounced dead for 5 minutes.....just kidding! Still cookin with gas. I took a few days off. But yes it seems key is one bite per day, max. The thnder down under continues but I think my body is getting more accustomed as I my colon may be at half the psi I was in the early days. Viva la toot! Anonymous on Feb 3 2011, 12:16

Page 99 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I had one this afternoon and this evening I started getting so bloated and having smelly gas that made me have to light match after match! I think I will give the rest of the box to my co-workers. Damn I'm evil! Anonymous on Feb 3 2011, 22:41

My father in law gave my husband & I 2 whole boxes of these, one choclate and the other peanut butter. I love him dearly, but why do companys have to make something as darn good as this blow up my body with gas! Anonymous on Feb 4 2011, 05:05

Glad to know what is causing my gas. Darn! I really love the cereal. But I have to give it up. I can't be farting at work. Anonymous on Feb 4 2011, 22:36

OMG thank god! I've been having farts lately that are almost worth recording! I thought I was lactose intolerant, but it's the damn Kashi. I got here the same way as everyone else...googling "Kashi Go Lean Gas." That stuff is powerful...all I can say is that my colon must be sparkling. I'm going to start eating it strategically before parties I don't want to go to and boring events. Good God... the farts are horrendous, too. Loud, violent, and lengthy! Anonymous on Feb 5 2011, 03:59

"Let's start posting actual recordings of your actual farts here on this thread! Please record your greatest Fiber One farts via any means necessary!" I stayed home this weekend and had some of the aforementioned bars... here's the outcome of it! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4Zr2AxKou4 Anonymous on Feb 6 2011, 02:38

After finding out from a friend that these things turn anyone into a gassy fiend i decided i would bring these to a party i was going to as a practical joke. Oh my god his basement was never the same after that night. You would walk upstairs to go to the bathroom and come back down and damn near die from fart inhalation it was so bad. When i got home the next day my mom told me i smelled like diarrhea. Anonymous on Feb 6 2011, 02:47

After reading the article, it has become clear to me that you lack the knowledge of Princess Diana's service to charity and the turmoil she dealt with on a daily basis - since childhood. I didn't fully understand it myself until I did my own research. The reason Diana is an icon is not because she was royalty nor was it because she was rich. Those were simply the platforms that put her in the public eye. But she utilized those platforms to help the common man. Her entire philosophy on life was one of "If I can give nothing else to world, I'll give my love in the hopes that it someday will be given to another." Most people, if they were to say that, would be laughed at for being corny. But Diana was sincere in every word she ever spoke on the topic of helping others - as was later reiterated by the royal family on many occasions. How can you honestly not understand why people adore that in a person? This type of article shows the trend of humanity as a whole. We're less caring and far less empathetic towards those around us than we used to be - and for good reason. Every day, we have tragedies shoved in our faces and after awhile, you stop mourning along with everybody and you start to become desensitized to the issues. Diana never did that. One can argue that Diana that was a spotlight seeker, but even those who disliked her in life all agreed on one point in death - she was one of the most outwardly caring people they'd ever met. She didn't care who you were or what your status was, she opened her arms to you if you needed it - and that was her plight throughout her adult royal life. If you can't understand why people cling to the loss of someone like that, I don't know what to tell you. Anonymous on Feb 6 2011, 19:56

Every religion is retarded except for Judiasm you know why? Simple catholosism teaches that a Jew was the messiah even though he was denied by our council and had no lineage also his father was joseph but thats another story.Next buhdists or hindus are just mixes and castes designed for whimps or the rich.We have mormons who are just as retarded as catholics,we have muslims who claim rights to our land and then insult us.Lastly we have Athiests wich are just a bunch of idiots who werent popular in school because they were whimps who werent smart so to make themselves smart they just invent a bullshit excuse to make them sound smart.Any death threats, hate mail or questions email me at [email protected] Anonymous on Feb 7 2011, 17:36

I ate 2 of these today...and I seriously thought something was wrong with me. Thanks 4 this site... Anonymous on Feb 8 2011, 01:23

The pain and gas and bloating and misery will all be over tomorrow, yeah! Because I'm never, ever, ever touching Kashi again! Today has been horrible. I thought I had become lactose intolerant so had stopped eating cereal for over 6 months. Last night I went to the grocery store and they had Organic Lactose Free Milk. I thought, yeah, I can eat cereal again! I grabbed some and then went cruising down the cereal aisle with my son who grabbed the box of Kashi, and said "Here, mommy - isn't this the cereal you used to love, you can eat it again!". OMG. I had 2 bowls for dinner and one bowl for breakfast. I spent so much time in the bathroom today my co-workers were starting to get concerned. 11 hours after breakfast and I'm still doubled over in pain. The Kashi cookies had done the same thing to me when I tried them a couple of weeks ago, so I was able to make the Kashi = horrible gas connection pretty quickly, and this site really confirmed it! I'm never touching anything with chicory root fiber in it again, ever. Anonymous on Feb 8 2011, 18:50

Page 100 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

im gonna take a guess and say your jewish cos you said it was the only reasonable thing but saying atheists are stupid is also stupid considering lots of the worlds greatest minds are athiest and all the other religions i admit have caused massive problems but to be honest with you i really dont give half a shit about what happened 200 years ago and to be honest i really dont think anyone else should either enough really bad craps happening now so we should just put aside our pride and petiness and just work together because if we just keep hating each other then we will never progress Anonymous on Feb 9 2011, 17:59

It's so good to know I'm not alone. I've actually been keeping my box of Go Lean Crunch for a few months now, thinking there will be a "good" time to eat a bowl. Definitely not during the week while at work. Or on weekends where I have to go out in public. Or be with friends and family. I really should just throw it away but it tastes so good...what a waste! Anonymous on Feb 9 2011, 22:56

This is hilarious!!one time I ate a fiber one bar for breakfast and throughout the day I had debilitating bloating and farting. It sucked when i was taking a math test and could heat the gas!! I didn't know it was the fiber one bar and ate one again the next day and it happened again. Anonymous on Feb 10 2011, 02:10

The asshole is you, and the real horny, and egoistic motherfuckers who killed her, and still walk around alive and well today. I hope they will suffer, and all burn in hell! The system, and politics suck man! To me, Diane should have been Queen of the World. And maybe many people, agree with me. Anonymous on Feb 10 2011, 06:34

Thank goodness they are relatively odor free. I was farting up a storm at work. I did a three day correlation test that convinced me it was the Kashi. Anonymous on Feb 10 2011, 09:48

I was in tears reading this lol.It's just so funny when ppl talk about Farts lol.I was eating these bars like everyday.Then it got to the point where I couldn't stand my self lol.my farts weren't loud the were SBD(Silent But Deadly) . I stopped eating them because I couldn't stand myself.I thought it would be a easy way to get fiber I didnt know it gas Killer Gas. My brother saw the bars & was like can I have one.I was like sure but you will get gassed out lol.He found out a few hours later when he was driving on his paper route lol.He was like I couldn't stand myself lmfao. I just bought some new Fiber Cereal from Kellog's FiberPlus Antioxidants Berry Yogurt Crunch.* Be warned it's Gasser to but not as bad as the Fiber bars*. Anonymous on Feb 10 2011, 13:34

I bought these yesterday because they looked like a nice, healthy snack. They tasted great. I ate 2 of them. I farted like a monster all night long, (literally 50-60 times) and some of the farts were so monstrous that I thought they were going to rip my butt apart. Anonymous on Feb 10 2011, 17:42

The fiber is helping you release clogged up SH!T from people's @SS. No shit (no pun intended) Anonymous on Feb 12 2011, 17:41

I just wanted to say that I have not only blew out my nether regions after having one of these (embarrassingly enough I took it it work thinking "I need more fiber!") but I rushed to the bathroom a couple times and let me tell you, Hiroshima looked like Disney land when I was through. I decided too to do an unofficial study, and sure enough next day I didnt touch them, back to normal. The sadistic person I am I then had one the next day (at home) and back to the toilet I went! Stay away and find natural sources for fiber... Anonymous on Feb 12 2011, 18:24

Why did it take me so long to figure this out??!!! I've been eating this damn cereal for 6 months! I'm on the verge of losing friends! Aack! Seriously, what DID we do before google? Anonymous on Feb 13 2011, 23:25

Holy Mother! I thought it was the fiber intake but I never got use to it. Drinking gallons of water daily is the only way to help prevent the gassing. I have a double serving in the morning about 7AM, by 11 AM the bombardments begin until late evening. My office coworkers have now gotten use to the noise coming from my cube. No matter how carefully I try, I'm unable to squeeze one by. Goodbye Kashi. I have about 10 double boxes I bought on special at Costco. I will pass them on to my parents and laugh about their misfortune. Anonymous on Feb 14 2011, 16:36

Bars that taste great and make you fart like crazy! I am so pleased. A little uncomfortable, but pleased. oops. there went another. My colon wanted me to say thanks to General Mills. Its clean as a ...... i don't know, its clean! Anyway, can't wait to give these to friends and family two at a time.

Page 101 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Feb 14 2011, 23:38

WOW!! i thought i was the only one! and ive had like 3 or 4 bowls of it yesterday and today was terrible i couldnt go in a room with people!! The cereal is soo good i dont know what to do! Anonymous on Feb 15 2011, 19:41

The hurricane force winds from the south have abated. Though not too noxious smelling, they have tooted their last horn. For I have googled Kashi and FART, after a talk with a friend about cereals. I can't believe how long I'd eaten that poisonous cereal! I am a big fiber eater, I eat sprouted grain bread, fruit, nuts, oatmeal. And now I Anonymous on Feb 16 2011, 09:41

I seriously can not believe I found this page. I told my wife that I am gonna google kashi golean and see if anyone else had the same flatulence problem as me. I have been eating 3 bowls of this stuff every day for a couple of weeks. Breakfast, mid afternoon snack and right before bed. It replaced my desert that i look for in the afternoon and right before bed. After a couple of days I couldn't stand myself. The smell is something awful! My wife literally can't walk into my office any more. Sometimes i have to leave for fresh air! This is crazy! Anonymous on Feb 17 2011, 20:51

Now wonder it was on sale at Costco. I can't bring myself to throw it away--it's just too good. Yes, I'm hooked. I figure I'll have a bowl at night to spare the public of the consequences of this bold choice. Let's hope I don't toot myself awake all night. Anonymous on Feb 17 2011, 22:38

I'm currently choking in my room at 3 a.m. I woke myself up from how bad my rumblings in the night reek. My roommates just came home from a night out, and although they were not drunk, when they came up to my floor of the apartment they all agreed they wanted to throw up because "it smells like shit up here!" It was a consensus I can only blame on the Kashi GoLean Cereal, as I have been in my room with the door shut and my gas is so bad it has leaked out to the public lair through the bottom of my door. Thank you Kashi, for eliminating my circle of "Good Friends". Anonymous on Feb 18 2011, 03:05

Thanks for the posts! I googled Fiber One makes me fart and here I am. OMG I went to a friends house, she gave me a bar, 2 hours later OMG...It was like a rocket was about to launch. My stomach was so bloated and uncomfortable! That is UN-NATURAL!!! Yep, no more of these for me! At least I know I am not alone LOL Anonymous on Feb 18 2011, 08:07

Princess Diana, was a cheap whore and a slut, he fucked with Princess charles to become the princess and then started having sex with other guys, Prince charles knows that one of the sons is not his, and he was devastated and he went back to sleep with Camilla. Princess diana then made a big issue of this and won the hearts of the people in; the media that she is a victim and secretly started having excessive passionate sex with many guys, including editors, camera men, high profile executives and everywhere she went she has sex .. .. she was even involved with threesome and foursome and would take on multiple men with her being alone, James, Dodi fayed and others were just for the media, the Real thing was behind the scenes where she had real hot sex with many guys, The charity and other things were just a media con. she was a whore and a slut, nothing more.... Anonymous on Feb 18 2011, 10:55

We in the UP of michI tihnk corn king bacon is great we use the fat and grease on Gavs streach marks and to lube up dad. The bacon may be thin but it makes it easeir to eat sicne we have not teeth. Being a kosher ham i can only eat it atp assover. shaloam Anonymous on Feb 20 2011, 11:15

I'm working on a Sunday in the office alone (thank goodness)....and thought I'd take a break to see if anyone else had been experiencing the gas from Kashi. I knew it was the Kashi, after all, it's high fiber. I'll have to google Chicory Root as well. Here's my experience: a. my four year old won't stay in the same room as me b. i've woken myself up farting....while on a sleepover at the husband-to-be's house c. I'm no longer sure whose farts stink worse, mine or the dog's d. I make my son walk beside me at the store so people think it's him who is stinky, not me e. my own mother grimaces at me f. i tooted in my car, went to the grocery store, and when I got back in the car it still smelled like the 'farshi' Wow...that's it...no more for me1 Anonymous on Feb 20 2011, 13:19

Wow, I'm so relieved that I am not alone in this! haha! I have a 2 month old baby and I breastfeed her strictly and was wondering why we were farting like crazy...I mean I would fart...bap bap bap...then she would fart bab bap bap....We sounded like an orchestra....my poor husband was going crazy and our other children thought the baby must of pooped because it reeked in the house. The hardest thing though is to stop eating those darn bars! They are just too good to resist. Think I will stay away from them because those farts gee....a little baby should not be farting like a grown man! LOL Anonymous on Feb 21 2011, 14:36

Page 102 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

This is so wrong... Please repent and ask the Lord to meet you. This grieves the Holy Spirit and I pray that you will be shown mercy and given an oppurtunity to see that you need salvation. Jesus loves you, because of that He provided atonement for your sin. The wrath of God against your sin was dispensed upon Jesus at the cross but if you do not repent the wrath of God for your sin will be dispensed upon you and you will go to Hell for eternity. I beg of you to seek truth and not just air your opinion... Anonymous on Feb 21 2011, 16:28

I love Kashi Crunch, but I have been banned by my husband from eating it. It's killer!!! Anonymous on Feb 21 2011, 23:54

Fiber One Chewy Bars, Cardboard No, Delicious Yes, Toilet Yes, Farting Yes. Anonymous on Feb 22 2011, 17:04

I THOUGHT I WAS ILL....THANK GOD FOR THIS PAGE...NOW I KNOW I JUST SUFFER FROM A SEVERE CASE OF KASHIGOFART !!! Anonymous on Feb 22 2011, 17:25

If only we could hook our butts to our cars, with gas at $3.50 a gallon, we'd save millions... Thanks fiber one bars. Fiber plus is not quite as bad but doesn't taste as good. Plus I never have gas in front of my boyfriend (for over 20 years now) and these bars make that really hard. Anonymous on Feb 22 2011, 22:25

Why did it take me so long to figure this out and search for this page? I didn't want to believe it was Kashi because it tastes so good but I can't take the gas anymore! Anonymous on Feb 23 2011, 21:48

OK everyone thought that our family was nuts but after reading all the remarks on here I know we are normal. I have laughed so hard I have had to quit reading these...... Anonymous on Feb 24 2011, 00:25

Wow, I searched "Kashi gas" and landed here!! Very funny post and I'm relieved to find out it's the cereals - for some reason I was kind of suspicious about those cereals. They are only sold in shopper drug mart in Canada - I have not found those elsewhere. They are always on sale for 2.99 a box. I thought I would give them a try... boy am I sorry. I was so cramped I had to massage and roll on the floor to pass gas! No odor though. lol If you need good fiber though try the metamucil orange-flavored drinks it tastes really good and works really nice to bulk up stools - being on diet for a long time has made my poops tiny and runny. Now I shythe like a beast! Anonymous on Feb 24 2011, 06:02

There's a bar similar to Fibre One that I couldn't get enough of, but it was having this same effect on me and I didn't like it one bit. It was embarrassing for me when I was out, it actually affected my social life. Not surprised, because it's obviously fibre, but still. Anonymous on Feb 24 2011, 09:35

Why do they make food that causes so much gas? I couldn't cope with that, especially if you work in an office and the smell is constantly wafting around you, people might think it's about more than what you're eating. Anonymous on Feb 24 2011, 10:07

Seriously, this cereal put my social schedule on hold for two days until I could get it out of my system. Like other comments before, I thought I had an illness or parasite or something because it was THAT BAD. Came across this website and was so relieved (literally) to know it wasn't just me. Sorry Kashi, it's not me, it's actually you and we're broken up. Bummer! Anonymous on Feb 24 2011, 14:29

Oh my God! I always knew that Kashi made me gassy, but today was absolutely the straw that broke the camels back. I have been farting ALL DAY! I an farting as I write this, and I'm grossing myself out! They are the most rancid, vile, nauseous farts EVER! I'm afraid I may have burned a hole through my pants! But not only are they stinky, but they are also acidic. I had a test today in Psychology class, and I was TERRIFIED that I would have a blowout while in the test. I did get the urge several times, but luckily I held it in long enough to finish the test and high-tail it outta there. I'm so upset though, because KASHI GOLEAN CRUNCH IS SOOOOO DELICIOUS! Bummer. Anonymous on Feb 24 2011, 22:25

I bought two boxes of Kashi a couple day ago, and I ate a lot of it. I started to fart so often and couldn't stop. When I tried to cook dinner, my goodness, %~~~~ (my mom ran away hahha It was so embarrassing). When I sat down and eat at a fast food restaurant, boooom :(, I couldn't believe that I %~~~~ do that in public. Fiber is good for the body but it's bad for environment. Kashi violates the Clean Air Act b/c people who consume it will create air pollution. Anonymous on Feb 25 2011, 03:02

Thank you for all the comments. I could hardly breathe, I was laughing so hard while reading them! I have never had one of these

Page 103 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

deadly bars, and I think I'll keep it that way. It's gross that General Mills is getting away with putting this slop on the market. Anonymous on Feb 25 2011, 17:07

Omg yea I was wondering why I was having so much gas it's ridiculous but I love them so much they are so good, they satisfy the sweet tooth with out much calories and I use them for quick breakfast in the morning. I notice the fiber plus bars give me more gas then the regular ones, but they really gave helped with my weight lose goal so I'm not sure I wanna give them up Anonymous on Feb 26 2011, 02:43

You can't use pictures they took or to sell something. You can use it if it has journalistic purpose, but not when the only intent is to make money, which is your only intent on eBay. Fair Use. These aren't unfair laws, and though this is a douche move by Onkyo, they are within their legal rights in a system I would say is pretty fair. Anonymous on Feb 26 2011, 18:26

So it's not just me. Look, if it's gonna make you fart for 8 hours then don't classify it as a food. And shellac? WTF? Corporate Garbage. Anonymous on Feb 26 2011, 19:56

His name is Kendall J. Powell, CEO of General Mills. This is the man that made you fart: http://www.flickr.com/photos/scobleizer/3252985750/ Anonymous on Feb 26 2011, 21:15

PENIS!! Anonymous on Feb 26 2011, 23:42

Trust me, no black person would ever draw this cartoon! Take a look at this link: http://www.ferris.edu/jimcrow/. For years we black Americans have been vilified and victimized buy similar images and comments made in the media. President Obama has not wasted any more money, or made any more unpopular decisions than any other President. However, it appears that whatever he says or does is magnified 10-fold because he is black! He inherited a country that was left in shambles by the previous administration; I believe he is doing the best that anyone, of any race, could under similar circumstances. This "cartoon/image" would only be considered funny by idiots and ignorant people... I don't think I need to say more; YOU idiots know who you are! Enjoy the afternoon smoking your meth and taking your OxyCotin... Anonymous on Feb 27 2011, 14:26

OMG....I am so glad I found this website...I was just looking for what bars were better the Fiber One bars or the Kellogg's Fiber Plus bars(which I purchased today) and came across this site. I wanted something that taste good and was healthy to take with me for breakfast every morning at work.... Well Thank Heavens I read most of these comments....I will not be trying out my new Chocolately Peanut Butter Fiber Plus bars in the am.... Guess I will save them and try one when I am off next. Anonymous on Feb 27 2011, 19:11

OMG! Tears of laughter from reading these posts. After my usual hog-bowl of Kashi this morning I anxiously awaited the onset of the expected afternoon gas. Like clockwork I was rewarded with an ass lifting eruption that raised me off my office chair and seemed to go on for eternity. This goes on for hours while I emit hundreds of cheek vibrating emissions that are all candidates for Ripley's Believe it or Not! Ahhh...Kashi at work! I notice that many of you complain about the smell. I find mine, while vacuous in size, are rather tame when it comes to odiferous emanations. Perhaps overall diet is to blame. Who knows. I must admit that I am well aware of the gaseous consequences of consuming this tasty cereal. However, I must say it gives me a decisive advantage when competing with my young son over whose flatulence dominates. With Kashi as my ally I rule! Alas I am unable to stop eating this cereal as I love the taste and assume the fiber is helping me get much needed grain in my system. Hopefully the gas isn't destroying my insides or blowing out my sphincter. ....I wonder...can we hook our asses up to a generator and run our computers with it? A solution to global warming!!! Anonymous on Feb 28 2011, 18:17

OMG I ate a peanut butter with oats fiber one bar yesterday and it was sooooo good! That was a snack before dinner....for dinner i had green beans..I assumed the gas I had was from the beans...it was the longest and worst gas I have had in my whole life!! I am not one to laugh at farts..but i found myself laughing so hard..because they sounded more like a song LOL! I woke up fine..no bloating..gas gone..so I was glad to be rid of it...and figured beans would not be a staple of mine anymore. I had another peanut butter with oats fiber bar for my snack today...and low and behold ...the gas was back but worse..good thing I was off from work today LOL! I typed in bad gas from fiber and starting reading this web page..and realized I am not alone in my gassiness Lol...i have laughed so hard I have cried..in between farting that is...I am so sad in a way because they taste so good..and they are low calorie..i was just a braggin to a friend about that and how they were on sale. NO MORE ...it's not worth it ...thanks everyone for the giggles! Anonymous on Mar 1 2011, 18:47

My wife played a nasty joke on me. "Here hon, try these for breakfast." The result ....15 hours of richter scale moving cheek flappers.

Page 104 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

BRUTAL! While cooking dinner, I discretely walked two rooms away from the kitchen to pass one, only to find my son asking his mother "Did you hear that?"; and my wife in hysterics. After sharing this site--- with her she was in tears. I think she knew this all along! Anonymous on Mar 3 2011, 10:59

I thought it was just me with all this gas. Glad to see that it's a problem. Same thing happens to me when I eat the other fiber cereals out there. Anonymous on Mar 3 2011, 11:14

LOL 30 minutes after eating this cereal...BBBbbbbbzzzzzzzzzfffffffrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbbbbbbb! Anonymous on Mar 3 2011, 12:08

Only the names have changed to protect the innocent. My name is John I surprised my wife Jane took her on a cruise it was a wedding anniversary gift. Don't know why but every time we've taken a trip we both get constipated you folks know what I'm talkin. Ya, we're the one's at the buffet line that grabs cereal bowls and fills it up with stewed prunes. Anyhow, my wife had a great idea she packed fiber bars in our luggage, you guessed it Fiber One Bars. We've seen these things advertised on Tv so that's what she bought. Just to be sure we ate two a piece our first night, Sweet Jesus, we never farted so hard and loud, no doubt the passengers thought it was a fog horn screaming in the night. Never again, we'll stick to prunes next trip. Anonymous on Mar 6 2011, 16:43

Who knows what is in this stuff we eat? This artificial, overly processed crap is not really food! Our bodies don't know what to do with it. Anonymous on Mar 6 2011, 20:46 your such an asshole for saying shxt about someone who did nothing but good. carma is gonna come and get your ass for saying such cruel things about someone as sweet as princess diana. Anonymous on Mar 6 2011, 23:50

Now that I have put two and two together, my husband and I are going to eat a bowl together and get in the bathtub for some fun. Glad to find out why my nursing baby and I can't stop farting. Anonymous on Mar 7 2011, 19:23

I'm so glad to see that it's not just me. I was inhaling these bars like they were sprinkled with crack or something. After a few days, I couldn't figure out why I was farting loud enough to wake the dead. I'm lactose intolerant but I hadn't had that much dairy. After blasting a fart that nearly pulled my insides out, I figured out it was the bars. Gatdamn General Mills...LOL! Anonymous on Mar 9 2011, 17:59

I bought the giant box of Fiber One from Costco and can't finish it. I now pass them out to co-workers for my personal amusement. Anonymous on Mar 9 2011, 19:47

You don't have to be a fucking asshole all the time you know!!!!! You DOUCHEBAG!!!! Anonymous on Mar 9 2011, 22:12

Hello, I am so offended you would, I mean that you did show a picture of bbq spare ribs when there are starving blacks in Africa who when they go to your website will see this and will be starving even more for spare ribs. Shame on you. Please think of all the third and fourth world kids, and people starving for bbq and how your website is a mockery of this. Shame on you again sir. I'm praying, praying that your time is coming. Okay done praying. I'm so hungry for bbq because of you, but can't afford it! Shame on you three. Maybe tomorrow though when I get somemore Obama bucks. Warning: If I find out you didn't remove the picture of the spare ribs I'm calling the internet police tomorrow, and you know what they will do to you. Anonymous on Mar 11 2011, 06:14

YOU CRAZY BASTARD! YOU DARE SHOW BARBECUE IN THIS WAY!!!!!! YOU'VE SHAMED ME OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOOOOOOU WIIIIIIILL PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! Anonymous on Mar 11 2011, 06:17

I had a bowl of this stuff about 2 hours ago. Well let me tell you, my desk fan is working overtime and my co-workers are becoming annoyed. We have white noise pumped into our office to keep a hush type sound environment. Seems las though the "brown" noise is winning out!!!! Besides the noise...the odor can take your breath away!!!! Anonymous on Mar 11 2011, 08:24

Page 105 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I think I've farted about 20 times since reading all of these comments from laughing so hard. I've been eating these bars for over a month now just because I love the taste of them. I usually eat them as a quick breakfast snack, or sometimes as an after dinner treat... chocolate mocha you are sooo tasty. It never occured to me that my WEEKS of stomach upset and horrendous farts were from these bars until yesterday when a friend mentioned the same problem. I thought it was just from my new medication. I decided to test it by eating another one, and low and behold, 2 hours later here I am considering going to buy some bean-o just to relieve the pain. Thank GOD my husband has no sense of smell, or he would divorce me in a heart beat. Though my sense of smell is so good I've been thinking of divorcing my own ***. Thank you for sharing your hilarious stories, they've helped my passing of gas today much easier. Anonymous on Mar 11 2011, 21:05

I'm telling this sad, sad story not because it's funny (it's not), rather in the hopes that it will save others. After months (yes, it took me months to figure it out) of pain, horrific bloating, diarrhea and two mishaps where I had minor accidents while rushing home from work, trying to make it to the bathroom before the explosion. And yes, by mishaps I mean I crapped my pants a tiny bit. I went through the following awful process before googling "Kashi GoLean gas" today and finally figuring out what is going on: - went to GI doctor TWICE, diagnosed with IBS -tried at least three different prescription drugs, one of which is an antidepressant that is prescribed for IBS (hello, I'm not depressed, just crapping my pants) -tried eliminated all diary from my diet -started working on following a diet for people with IBS This went on for months; horrible bloating with no relief, the receptionist in the office where I work finally made a remark about being able to hear me in the bathroom; started sneaking to a bathroom on a different floor; started seriously considering giving up dating and any activities which require not being in the bathroom; endlessly pondered why I am dealing with stress so badly that it's destroying my stomach...on and on and on... I had eliminated every other possible culprit from my diet (remember I was already diagnosed with IBS so didn't think at this point it was diet related). As a last attempt I started eliminating everything I hadn't tried before. After three days with no Kashi GoLean I'm completely convinced it was the cause of the problem. I was sick every day, consistently. Fine in the morning, starting around 2:30 pm my stomach would start feeling bloated, by 3:30 pm it would be so bloated it was extremely painful, 4 pm trip to bathroom on another floor in my office building, 5 pm home and rushing up the stairs in hopes of making it to the bathroom in time to release the gas, etc. Now totally fine. No gas. Maybe it doesn't bother some people, but there's enough here for me to say this stuff shouldn't be on the shelves; at least not without a stern warning on the label, "this stuff will destroy your life". Anonymous on Mar 14 2011, 21:07 go fuck yourself! This is horrendous!!! Speaking ill of the dead is pretty bad karma asshole! Anonymous on Mar 14 2011, 22:25

Mine started with a coupon. A damn $1 off 2 boxes of Fibre One. If I could go back in time, I would have never clipped it. I'm sick of my same old granola bars, figured the extra fibre wouldn't hurt? Right? Although not needed, I'm a pretty 'regular' type of girl. Devoured 2 of them. Freakin' delicous, thank God I didn't eat more. Extreme gas and bloat set in. Kids kept asking what smells? I said it was the garbage. They were SBDs, all of them. Too many to count. Had 2 more the next morning, I knew they were the cause the night before, but figured my body would get used to the extra fiber and they taste so good!!!!! Almost crapped myself working out that night. Wasn't worth the pain and smell. Threw both boxes at the coffee pot in work. They were gone in minutes. Anonymous on Mar 16 2011, 16:04

I'm a substitute teacher and I made the mistake of eating couple of these for breakfast before an assignment. OMG! School started at 8:00 and by 8:25, it felt like someone had put an IED up my anus! I didn't have a free period until 9:45! The kids started asking me if I was ok because the veins in my neck were poking out from my straining to keep all Hell from breaking loose. Every time I tried to sneak to a corner of the room to relieve myself of the evil possessing my insides, some kid was behind me asking a question. These bars are terrorists in a box! Anonymous on Mar 16 2011, 19:47 i love mary Anonymous on Mar 17 2011, 14:09 i was her in a play Anonymous on Mar 17 2011, 16:56

These are fake pictures ! The doctor on scene said the Princess had no tramua except a possible broken arm.That is how oyu know these are fake. Anonymous on Mar 17 2011, 22:30

These fiber bars (chocolate chip to be exact) are the best thing in my life! I think about them when I wake up, throughout the day, and before I go to sleep!! I think that they are laced with crack/cocaine because I am sooooo addicted!! Of course I get the gas from them, but that doesn't matter because I eat beans and other thing that provide fiber! I think that General Mills needs to provide some counseling or sumin cuz they tryna take all my money. Anonymous on Mar 18 2011, 03:16

Holy Jesus...I had 1 fiber one bar last night, and 1 this morning. I then attended a 9 hour class session at UIC. I just got home, but I'm not sure if I'm alive. I just held those tremendously painful farts in for 9 hours...9 Hours! I think my intestine may have ruptured or

Page 106 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

something. I could barely get up at the end of the lecture session. When I got in my car, every fart did not cause relief, but intense and excruciating pain. By holding them in, I could actually hear them from inside...I don't think that's a sign of good health. Now I'm home, and I immediately searched this connection online and found this blog. How are these bars legal? Anonymous on Mar 20 2011, 20:16

So, I was curious about exactly how Princess Diana really died when i found this site. My boyfriend (The one sitting beside me) told me (how she died) when I found this picture and led me straight to this long chain of responses to this whole article. Honestly, I am not harping but if you post something, make it somewhat grammatically correct so we can understand your sentences. Now to my point, I do not know Princess Diana very well. I was born in 1990 and was very young when I saw these "mourning services" on tv. So, honestly the only comment I make to justify how I feel is this: It is rude to post such a picture and write nasty thoughts about it. I understand you feel so strongly about her death never being put to rest, but think Michael Jackson. He died recently and people still talk about him. If you don't know exactly who he is, well... Let's see... One person called Princess Diana two faced. In a way, Michael Jackson could've been as well. No one really knows the truth about the scandals the press slung about him now do they. Finding out the truth is not even the issue. She was a famous human being who died in a tragic way. Isn't that enough for anyone? My advice is, if you don't like it, ignore it and avoid it at all costs. It is possible, people do it everyday! Okay, I'm done Anonymous on Mar 20 2011, 21:45

My husband and I are sitting on the front porch with tears in our eyes from laughter. We just realized that both of us have been bloated and farting for two days but did not let each other know. My husband sat in a meeting today and was literally dripping in sweat from his upper lip trying not to 'fart'. He said that he was beginning to worry because he was afraid that something was seriously wrong with him. He said that he thought he had a Hiatal Hernia or something. My niece was sitting next to me in church last night and I passed gas, she literally got up and moved further down the church pew to get away from me. After church, the preacher and his wife were sitting down at a table and I was standing over them talking. They were just talking and talking to me and I could not get away from them. I was about to die because I was trying to hold 'one' in. After calling my husband to pick up some Gas-X, he admitted that he had been also bloated and in major pain all day. We sat on the porch trying to figure out what we had eaten to make us feel like this for 2 days and finally realized that the Fiber Bars were the only new thing added to our diet. I almost died after finding this page. Ha! Ha! I am in hysterics as I read this stuff. Anonymous on Mar 21 2011, 18:32

Why does something so tasty have to be so EVIL???? Like most of the others, it took me quite some time to figure out that the culprit to my ass explosions was due to Go Lean Crunch. I have had to promise those who live with me that I will not eat it (although I keep a box hidden for days when I am alone or want to piss them all off). Called up the Kashi folks and their explanation for the fartasia is due to the body breaking down the fiber. Holy crap. You might be better off eating the damn box. Anonymous on Mar 24 2011, 12:13

The whole Mormon thing is just ridiculous. I believe the episode of South Park "All About Mormons" will (hilariously) depict the idiocy of their silly religion. I can respect people's right to believe whatever they wish but how any person wth any intellegence can believe that rubbish is beyond me. Sacred plates from a hat behind a curtain. HA! What a load! No religious beliefs should be allowed to have any place in government-keep church and state separate. Religious beliefs cannot be proven. Anyone who says otherwise is living in a fantasy world. This goes for ALL religions. If it comforts you to follow a religion, good for you, but don't try to pass it off as fact. That's a bunch of B.S. In the words of the immortal George Carlin: "Keep thy religion to thyself!" Anonymous on Mar 24 2011, 21:54 the pot calling the kettle black? all religions are cults and dumb as dirt. the word christian with (ian) is a suffix denoting places not persons who follow or believe. None of the bible or book of Mormon names were available during the time period they are written of. there was no alphabet 2000 years ago with the symbols to produce any of the names. the sound would stay the same. their was no king James. their was no Letters or sounds J,W,Y,H,or e . yawhee know we only told them about the missing letter J part one , then part two. before 1630 English had 19 letters, no kings James , no John, no Jesus. wasn't first grade fun. when most of us learned these things. smith is a suffix too, not a genetic name, wouldn't jesus have told him that, Anonymous on Mar 25 2011, 19:11

I ate two of these the other day in lieu of lunch, I had enough gas to roast a chicken. Anonymous on Mar 29 2011, 00:25

So much could have been done with this movie... I was expecting some sort of epic battle with the kid leading the charge and saving the day... what I got was the equivalent of a drug abuse intervention where the family hates each other and in the end nothing gets solved. wtf... the sets were awesome, the actors were great and BOOM... the movie was awful. Anonymous on Mar 29 2011, 14:18

My daughter would laugh at me because I would call it GoFart Crunch! I was so happy to find this website. I could not stop laughing. Anonymous on Mar 29 2011, 21:00

Good Gawd these things are fucking evil.I am in the Army and stationed at Fort Riley. Since I have to be up so early, I am prone to skipping breakfast on an almost daily basis which does not go over well since I am starving by the time lunch time rolls around. I picked up a box of these at the PX thinking they would be quick for me to devour in the mornings on my way out the door. Yesterday I ate my first bar at around 0545 and it was so tasty I could not help but cram another one down before heading out. We had PT formation yesterday morning and by the time we got to done with stretching and doing pushups and situps I felt like my

Page 107 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

body was under attack by some kind of biological weapon. My stomach was making these terrible sounds, the likes of which I have never heard before. The guy holding my legs during situps thought my stomach was growling from hunger (if only he knew). After we began the 2 mile run my body was in agony but I figured I could at least fart my brains off to expel some of the discomfort. I sped off to the head of the pack where I could have some privacy and let a rip. The sound that erupted from my ass was like an semi truck blowing its horn. It was also one of those farts that was warm and moist.Funny thing is that it did not offer much relief and not 30 seconds later my anal artillery was ready to fire off another salvo. It was a challenge to my perseverance to even finish the run and I was dead last finishing up. My posture I am sure looked strange as I was busy trying to clinch up my butt cheeks to keep from shitting my pants which seemed eminent. After I got back to my room, I sat in the bathroom for a good hour unleashing hell from my asshole on the toilet. The smell was bad enough to have to call out a hazmat team. Do not eat these bars. They are the spawn of satan. Anonymous on Mar 30 2011, 10:37

I am so glad I found this page, I have been laughing just as loud as I fart!!! I have never experienced such gas before in all of my life!! Yet I continue to eat them. I eat them for other problems and use these to keep me binded up but wow... luckily I sit home alone all day. Once I return to work, I will not be able to eat these anymore! My goodness! About a year ago, while I was at work, I was having a super busy day. I was fully aware of the gas these things gave me but I was so busy I had no time to eat and reached for another fiber bar. Oh man, did I regret that. I had to leave the building for awhile and just walk around the parking lot farting the whole time. I thought I was gonna take off! Anonymous on Mar 30 2011, 15:11

I just started eating this cereal after giving birth a few weeks ago. I seriously thought the doctor messed up my internal organs during the c-section because of the gas and poops I have been having. I am relieved to find this sight. I will switch back to Special K. Anonymous on Mar 31 2011, 04:09

This is because you aren't supposed to eat the whole Fiber One bar the first time. There is a warning on the side of the box that says, "Gradually increase fiber over time to help minimize potenital gastrointestinal dicomfort." You must have missed that one. Anonymous on Mar 31 2011, 17:29

"...heroically be crushed by tornado debris." LAWL. I'm sorry, were they trying to stop the tornado from happening or something? What was heroic about dying in a tornado? Did they save a pregnant woman? Am I missing something or do Americans really not know the definition of the word heroic? And in any case, shouldn't the Tornado merit badge be awarded to those who avoided getting killed by tornadoes? Anonymous on Mar 31 2011, 18:32

I am so throwing my cereal away! I decided to change my diet and start eating healthy; I hired a trainer; and have really been dedicated. But, imagine, my embarassment while doing squats or crunches. My trainer must be thinking, wth is wrong with this girl!? I am so relieved that I googled this; I guess it's back to oatmeal for me! Anonymous on Apr 1 2011, 09:58

This was hilarious...I was crying laughing reading this!! Totally - My boyfriend and I agree 100%. Thanks for the laugh! Anonymous on Apr 2 2011, 23:16

OMG....this has to be the funniest page I have ever come across...I too love these bars...I was having trouble pooping and a co-worker said here try a fiber one bar they are so good so I ate the bar and loved it. After work I got a box and ate 2 in a row...I had really bad farts and kept going to the bathroom..I tried and tried to hold them in at my desk and the gas was building up I had so much pain not only in my stomach but my back too...of course I didn't think it was the bars...so I went home ate another bar and continued for days...after 3 days of unbearable gas pain and the wicked smell I ask my co-worker do you happen to get gas after eating a bar...she starts laughing and said why do you think I am always going to the bathroom...lol...I still eat 2-3 bars a week or else I can't poop. I have tried pepto, beano, malox and no luck they don't help at all...I now use gasx it help reduce the gas pain but it will not help reduce the eggy farts...My kids are grossed out and they are so bad I gag...this evening I was laying in bed and had a silent but deadly toot and my kitten was laying beside me got up 2 seconds later and ran off my bed...even my kitten can't take the toxic fumes....I must have farted 50 times just in the minutes of writing this message..I am surprised my laptop has not melted. Anonymous on Apr 3 2011, 03:28

Ramen - I live in Brigham City, UT (second to Provo with Mormon density) and agree with everything you say. WTF? Anonymous on Apr 5 2011, 01:24 yeah Anonymous on Apr 5 2011, 15:52

Guys, It's most likely the combination of chicory root and soy lecithin. Both have a mild laxative effect. My mom gave me chickory tea when I was constipated. Trust me, a cup of it is a moving experience. The small amount of extract in the bars causes flatulence enough to rival the California smog. Anonymous on Apr 6 2011, 16:09

Page 108 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

My co-workers and I have been talking about these bars forever. I am soooo glad to read this and know we aren't the only ones! I went against my better judgement and ate one before I went to the gym this morning. It's now 1:30 and I am in pain and smelling up my office. The Febreze can will be empty soon! Can you buy chicory root to sprinkle on people's food???!!! heehee. Anonymous on Apr 8 2011, 13:48

I have been having gas for weeks eating these damn bars but today was the worst. I had one bar and I've had gas all day. I went to a friends house for drinks and had to leave cuz I was so bloated my stomach couldn't hold anymore liquid. I'll never eat one of these delicious bars again but will buy them and suggest them to other people I hate to make their lives miserable Anonymous on Apr 9 2011, 00:39

I got those fiber one bars 2 days ago...they were cheap and sounded somewhat healthy and i love chocolate. Little did i know that after my girlfriend ate one the first night i would never get a wink of sleep again. The next day i brought one 2 work with me...chomped that mutha sucka down and continued on working. I would run to the bathroom every 20 minutes because i thought my butt cheeks were going to rip apart from the extreme pressure in my body. There i sit on the toilet...only pushing out air that could possibly push a military track vehicle over. We get home and im squeezing my ass together every 4 minutes trying not to fart but i just cant take it.... i go 2 let the dog outside and rip a wet loud screech from the depths of hell out into the atmosphere burning some of my nose hairs. Thank god i didnt let that loose in the room. Then i go 2 the bathroom to TRY and cut a turd but let out a 8 second long fart that pushed water in the toilet up and onto my ass. Now im planning on taking these bad boys 2 work and giving them to everyone that works at my hotel awesomeeeeee. Anonymous on Apr 9 2011, 23:10

Wow. This is funny and true. Sooo true. All you who think that they are "oh so racist" maybe you should look at the United States Census and notice how white is the minority now. Maybe that black whore should get an abortion one in a while... Oh wait, then she wouldn't get her food stamps Anonymous on Apr 12 2011, 01:52

Fiber one gave me diarreah i cant go any where!!! Beware lol... Good for people with stool issues... Bad for me...the last 5 hrs have been painful!!! Anonymous on Apr 13 2011, 04:31

I stumbled upon this after searching for excessive farting, and you can add me to your count of people who ate a Fiber One bar and then farted a ridiculous amount. All I know is that I'm glad I didn't go out to the bar tonight, having to hold these in would give me the most horrible cramps ever. Anonymous on Apr 13 2011, 21:15

I googled this topic...because I had a feeling there was something VERY WRONG with these bars. I usually buy Nature Valley and made the mistake of trying Fiber One. Lets just say I'll be giving the huge Costco sized box away very soon. Anonymous on Apr 14 2011, 05:07

Using African American children must be a sure winner for anti-abortionist. The point is taken, but at the expense of the appearance that we as African American women lack responsible care over our wombs and the pearls we carry.... Anonymous on Apr 15 2011, 21:00

This sounds like the stuff I'm looking for. On occasion I've been known to fart in bed. My wife hates it, but I get a good laugh out of it. With this new weapon under my belt I could fart all night long and giggle for hours as she is forced to sniff my demonic Kashi farts. I'm not sure that laughing and farting at the same time is a good idea but I'm willing to try it in the name of a good marriage, I just hope that I don't pee myself laughing. That would be tragic to be farting, peeing, and crying all at the same time. I'm sure all that leaking at the same time could send a person into some sort of laughter induced coma. Oh I can hardly wait. Praise Kashi for it's farty goodness!:)- Anonymous on Apr 16 2011, 17:43

I learned about this long ago. I happen to be a very heavy sleeper. I decided to start eating these things about 9pm instead of during the day. Thankfully I have no clue what's going on after I'm off to dream land . It's the ONLY way to consume these things. Anonymous on Apr 17 2011, 00:44 this is very funny except the fact I didnt realize there were so many gross woman out there who are having their husband count their farts and actually talking about it. Anonymous on Apr 17 2011, 02:12

Chicory Root Extract is the 1st listed in the Ingredient List.(Ingredients are always listed in percentage of product: high to low) Did some checking around and I don't know if Chicory Root Extract should be eaten on a daily basis. These suckers Do-Do work but the flatulence is too-too much. I'm now eating Macaroons as a snack instead, 4 Macaroons (depending on the brand) will equal the same dietary fiber in the Fiber One bars without the Chicory-Chirps. Anonymous on Apr 18 2011, 09:27

I love fiber one bars. But they don't love me. After consuming several boxes and experiencing never ending painful gas for a minimum of 24 hours following ingestion of these wonderful bars I am going to have to give up my fiber one bars...or lose my boyfriend. I, too, have woken myself up with such loud farts that I scared both myself and my 5 lb pup. As for my boyfriend, I'm

Page 109 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

asking him to wear ear plugs tonight in the hope I don't embarrass myself (again) after eating a yummy bar today. In summary, I love the bars. But the gas is unforgiving... Anonymous on Apr 18 2011, 22:43

Good riddance to that paki sausage sucking cunt. I grew up in the 80s when the goddamned princess snot worship was taking place. I was so happy when little miss curry pipe drainer was turned into road meat with Dodi the doody. Really, she was nothing more than a typical 80s party girl who like to ride the cock carousel, and you had millions if not billions of women with their puckered pussies and bad attitudes crying in the night that they weren't her. I mean really, Diana settled for a golliwog light? Serves her right to get a close up view of a dashboard. The only good thing she ever did was birth to Harry, Hewitt's son. If he has any sense, William, Kate, Willy and Queen Mum will be sent on the Explosion Express Touring Plane, on his dime and he can help clean up Britain. Anonymous on Apr 28 2011, 14:32

And in any case, shouldn't the Tornado merit badge be awarded to those who avoided getting killed by tornadoes? No! They get the coveted Flying Funnel Badger badge, but only if they survived after having achieved 50' in altitude. Anonymous on Apr 28 2011, 14:36

I read the article since I'm doing a report on Abortion for my Ethics class and I must say this article is truly offensive and focuses solely on what black teens. Implying that they are the only demographic having abortions. Your point is taken but could have been made using another strategy. The issue is about abortion and lack of education and responsibility its not a black or white issue its an everyone issue! The card is tacky and distasteful and even though intended as a joke to make fun of the lack of one's personal responsibility is abhorrent!!!!! Planned Parenthood should do what their name suggests, assist people who have issues with their pregnancy to know all options available and should assist them in picking a solution best suited for their needs, rather than force their own opinions down peoples throats. This is why so many are uneducated about this topic, pregnancy, sex, disease, the reproductive system, etc. Not impressed at all with this information, its offensive, rude and should not be taken lightly or mixed in with racist, ignorant comments that assist to cloud judgement Anonymous on Apr 29 2011, 14:03

I've never really known what to think of princess diana. But, i know that thousands of people loved and respected her. So, you have absolutly no right to do this to her memory. She was a wonderful person. Everyone in the world is a good person, some people call them jerks, but really you are what you call people. So you ,TK are an asshole, and no one will care if you died. And I know you are what you call people, but i really don't care. Go to Hell. I will meet you there. Anonymous on May 1 2011, 08:14

As a 'Mormon' with current doubts, I can see both sides of this argument, but at the end of the day if someone chooses to follow a religion what right have you people to judge. The Bible says that 'a corrupt tree cannot bring forth good fruits.' What does the book of Mormon teach? Faith, repentence, love, charity, kindness. Personally, I haven't met an unkind Mormon. Joseph Smith may just have been a true Prophet. He may not have been. We'll never find out in this life either way. So, really, regardless if the religion is a heap of crap - Mormons are fundamentally nice and happy people, so hey ho - they/we really don't care about the rude opinions of misinformed outsiders who are unable to sit down and properly hear the religion out. Just because internet slander is so much better.. Anonymous on May 1 2011, 18:44

I have heard this religion out. It is mind control plain and simple. They tell you how to do everything and how to live your life. Dude, Joseph Smith was not a martyr, research it yourself. Mormons think you will become a God of your own planet and you will have spirit babies to populate your planet. Who is going to make all those babies?? Research that yourself too, you might be surprised who is really being led astray. Jesus in America, come on now, really! When I see innocent people being fooled by a false gospel complete with mandatory tithing to stay temple worthy, I have every right to my opinion. There is nothing wrong with hot drinks either. Good luck in your search for truth and it is ok to go to websites not ok'd by the lds church. Anonymous on May 2 2011, 00:43

You have completely misunderstood the LDS teachings/beliefs. We believe that in the next life we will become immortal, perfected and therefore 'Gods.' However, there is only one God and we wont literally be Gods. More like angels or Saints. The whole other planet thing is not taught within the church. And yes, we can be sealed to our families for eternity. As I said, we will never truly know if JS was a prophet. It is a matter of faith. We are told to live by the commandments, like all other religions. If that is telling us step by step how to live our lives, you might want to pull every religion up on that one too. Hot drinks can be addictive and therefore take away your agency. Eg. The amount of people in this world whn can't start their day without a cup of coffee or MUST have a cup of tea - not healthy. At the end of the day - Mormons are part of the very few in this world who still have morals and aren't losing their virginity at 12 and pregnant by 14/15/16. They aren't out getting drunk, or slowly killing themselves with tobacco, or even more rapidly with drugs. They must be doing something right. Anonymous on May 2 2011, 14:09 worse cereal in the world i called kashi to see if there was something wrong with this cereal after my husband and myself ateit we were both very sick from it they acted like they hadnt a clue as to what i was talking about now i know that they have had many calls about this cereal i wouldnt eat it again if they paid me! Anonymous on May 4 2011, 00:33

I love the taste! But OMG! yes they mae me fart! I do not eat them because of it. I'm gald they wrote you back, but I would like to know if they plan on fixing it.

Page 110 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I'm glad i'm not alone, when I googled fiber one bars make me fart! I never would have thought how many post there were. kelley Anonymous on May 4 2011, 08:19

I get out of the cinema crying. The film goes crazy sometimes, there are many violent and maniac-depressive moments, but it has "something" special, it hurt me deep inside, I suppose that it might be related to my childhood memories... The moment when the secret place in the cave is destroyed killed me, really.. I think that anyone has said this is a children - film, so don't complaint if you go with your 7 year old little monster and he/she gets annoyed in 15 minutes! Anonymous on May 6 2011, 11:23

I ate two bars and my stomach feels like it is going to blow out my butt. The leather seats in my car echo the sound and left my wife with her head hanging out the window. They should start including matches with each box. Anonymous on May 7 2011, 20:55

OMG! My mystery fart attack has been solved! Darn those Fiber One bars are delicious but I sure don't like the excess gases!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on May 9 2011, 20:21

You are an ass hole. You must have been made fun of as a child. Making fun of children who die in a tragic accident just makes you a douche. Go fuck yourself. Anonymous on May 9 2011, 22:43

Never speak ill of the dead. Anonymous on May 10 2011, 07:44

OK, I'm no stranger to gas. I've been married for 30 years to an Olympic gold-medalist when it comes to gas. I have owned windy dogs. I once drove a carload of 10-year-old boys for 2 hours to a birthday party, and the sole conversation topic was farts, with demonstrations. I have a friend who farted so bad, he ran from his garden tractor and left it running in the yard. But nothing prepared me for Kashi Go Lean. I made the mistake of eating it in the morning, with lentil soup for lunch, and baked beans for dinner. Holy cow. Don't ever do that. My husband says it should be called Kashi Go To Hell. Anonymous on May 10 2011, 21:51

Bit wrong if you ask me Anonymous on May 11 2011, 07:17 lainey agrees with jen jen i just got off of info about colon cleansers Beano discussion I mean I thought i had some serius problem.- then I came across the funniest stories i have ever read in my life- i mean like i am reading back to 08. At any rate i was getting worried as yesterday i ate my wonderful tasting bar of my antisapated glorious morning snack and topped it off with newly made split pea soup from mothers day ham and i could not leave the house and i still have remaining occurrances today since of course i am addicted to my wonderul fiber bars and will have problems staying away from them thankgoodness i stumbled on all this i swear i was on my way to the drugs to get a colon cleanser.-now my scare is over i will now pick up some Beano i just read workes ahead of time (before the farts start and be back to consuming my wonder bars full time again man i never laughed so long and hard in my life at these stories i realy thought i had a twisted gut of some kind. Anonymous on May 11 2011, 11:12

Wow, encouraging children to play this game and hide the corpse of their best friends I strongly encouge this be taken off the internet!!! This is a very dangerous game and it's scary for parents and children alike! Anonymous on May 11 2011, 14:20

Amazing how all the people who are chastising you for posting these photographs and claim you are sick for posting them have managed to find their way here in the first place. They certainly didn't Google looking for Princess Di beauty pics.... Anonymous on May 11 2011, 14:40 darignac your a b!tch i never in my life thought i would know some one who would speak so ill of the dead! i mean serouisly?! do you actually have to waste your time talking shit about a woman like that? im sure you hate her because your missing something she had, so why dont you take your BITCHY ass remarks and shove them where the sun dont sjine! SO THAT BEING SAID GO FIND A DEEP HOLE AND NEVER COME OUT AGAIN! JUST CUZ NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU DONT MEAN YOU NEED TO GET ALL BUTT HURT AND WRITE AWFULL THINGS ABOUT HER! Anonymous on May 11 2011, 17:08

I was on a date two days ago. Man, you don't want to know how hard it was to run out of the movie theater, "I have to go to the bathroom again!" like 6 times. Ah! What a nightmare! Anonymous on May 11 2011, 22:17

The internet is strange... Anonymous on May 12 2011, 02:18

Page 111 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

The guy who came up with the concoction used in those damn bars is a genius in my book! right up there with Ben Franklin!...I have never in my life experienced a product that produces such excessive quantities of flatulence, and it is nearly impossible to hold in Fiber One farts no matter how hard you clinch your cheeks..It's like Fiber One farts have a personality of their own! like living, thinking beings intent on humiliating you in public!...What a perfect product to give to an annoying neighbor, illiterate mailman who keeps putting your mail in the wrong box, e.t.c. the bars taste so damn good nearly everyone will greedily gobble them down..I personally have never eaten more than 2 bars a day, and that amount is enough to make you feel like your colon is turning into the Goodyear blimp!.....Shame on the people who posted here saying they're gonna complain to the Fiber One company about the ingredients!..let us have our fun!...If you don't like the effects, don't eat the bars, simple as that..The Fiber One cereal doesn't generate as much gas and is better at keeping you "regular" from what I heard, so try that if you're one of those hippie fiber freaks! Anonymous on May 12 2011, 11:36

This is just a joke. Didn't you see that only 1/6 from this page is about how to play this game? The other part is some creepy stuff written to make you not do this. Anyway yes I agree with you this thing has killed thousands of kids all around the world. Anonymous on May 12 2011, 13:34

All these people getting out of their mind angry, remind me of that chris crocker tool. Shes dead and her body ravaged by insects. Go choke on shit and die. Anonymous on May 12 2011, 16:14

Greetings Brothers and Sisters in gas, I too succumbed to the temptations of Fiber One Chocolate Oat bars. It took me several weeks to figure out that opening a box of these bars is akin to opening Pandora's Box. My last Fiber One bar was a few weeks ago and it was my second of the day...by this point in my love affair towards these foodstuffs I had figured out that I did not in fact have colorectal cancer and the bars were responsible for my misfortunes. After my last bar, I cooked a steak and made some rice. Then I put down roughly 40 oz. of high grade microbrew around 8pm. By 10 o'clock I had to ask my company to leave after having vomitted, I writhed in pain upon my bed for 4 hours and finally my wife came home and suggested she take me to the Emergency Room. Instead I vomitted again then proceeded to bust ass for roughly two hours straight. The next day was Easter but I did not feel born again...my dour demeanor was commented on by each and every person in my family. I did not goto work the next two days. As I type this, I still lust for one last taste. Anonymous on May 13 2011, 15:09

I bought a 4 pack of this cereal off of Amazon several months ago. As I'm a young woman who is generally a little gassy anyway, I didn't make the correlation between the cereal and my horrendous gas. I only ate the cereal a few times a week, and since my farts didn't arrive like clockwork...I just could not figure out why I was so terribly windy lately. I just thought it was part of aging...at 26? Luckily, my boyfriend and I had been farting around each other since before we started dating (we were best friends first), so he wasn't alarmed by my tooting immediately. However, as the months wore on he began commenting on the volume, decibel-level, and toxicity of my farts. The high volume, very loud farts are generally not stinky, just side splitting hilarious. But, there were a few occasions where I must have just eaten the right combination of Go Lean Crunch and other foods to create SBDFs that were out of this world. These were the kinds where you feel like you're just going to have a wee little fart, so you go to let it out...only to feel a hot, silent rush of air ffffffssssttttt!! out of you, before being immediately hit with A Stench Like No Other (yes, in capital letters). Most notably,on the morning of the day that my aforementioned boyfriend PROPOSED, I ate a huge bowl of this so that I wouldn't be hungry during our little day trip. Then, after he proposed that afternoon, I also had a chocolate truffle pudding thing for dessert. We spent the night in a quiet oceanside motel. OH MY GOD! So much for a romantic evening! We were trying to enjoy the king-sized bed, but I kept having to jump up, run to the outside door, peek to see if anyone was walking by on the deck, and then stick my butt outside to let 'er rip! Ungodly! I still feel bad about the guy who walked by right after I darted back inside one of those times. The smell was so bad I wasn't even amused anymore at that point. I don't think my new fiance was either. But, even after all that he still wants to marry me. If we can make it through an evening of Kashi farts, we can make it through anything! Anonymous on May 13 2011, 19:49 all these comments are a waste of time (including mine) let's turn off our computers , ditch our phones & tv's. Start talking to people like we used to. Bill Gates has f'd the world up. people die. Anonymous on May 14 2011, 09:50

Just bought the chocolate peanut butter ones...ate the whole box in one day. They were soo good but p a y i n g now hahah. This website made me find the humor in my situation so thanks for that! Glad to know I'm not alone. Anonymous on May 14 2011, 13:09

I had a fiber one bar last night, two actually because I smoked something funny. I have NEVER in my LIFE farted like this. LONG LOUD ordorless bombs. Unbelievable. I even texted my best friend at 2:30 am "I am STILL blasting them out!" Anonymous on May 14 2011, 22:18

Aww, sounds like some chick told "TKAdmin" he has a small pecker! Now he's mad at all vaginas! Poor lil' feller! There are clean women out there-- hard to come by, but they're there. You certainly won't find 'em in any bars... Anonymous on May 15 2011, 15:44

Oh God! I'm not alone. What an experience. I discovered these great bars but for some reason I have had the worst gas in my 65 year history. Anonymous on May 15 2011, 23:32

Thanks Jesus for these fartbars...never laughed this hard in years. I picture the people at General Mills or whoever the heck makes

Page 112 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

these sitting there reading these and gassing it up themselves. Well done. Anonymous on May 16 2011, 01:11

I can't believe this website. When I did the google on "do fiber bars make you fart" little did I know!!!!!! I ate 2 of them yesterday morning and by afternoon I had to keep going outside to "smoke". By the time I got home it was constant and they don't just blow out the back, they curl up around the front and then sneak up the back and out the top of your pants. OMG - I cannot believe this website - has made my day. I think I will get a few of my friends together and feed them these as snaks and wait to see what happens. They surely are good though. Anonymous on May 17 2011, 13:42

I googled this as well today as I ate two Fiber 1 bars yesterday. OMG I laughed so hard I cried and had an asthma attack. The laughter good the asthma and the gas very bad. Still to funny!! Anonymous on May 19 2011, 19:32

This is a must for your enemies hahahah I will give it to all my friends who are long distance Pilots who fly the atlantic hahaha or on long haul anywhere especially China Anonymous on May 24 2011, 22:02

This is hilarious! I came upon this site a few days ago and decided to see if it'd work for me too, because I've never really been able to do more than a little toot. So today while babysitting I decided to eat a Fiber One bar for an after dinner snack. Didn't fart a single time, and it tasted so good that I had another one 3+ hours later. Again, no farts, and I surprisingly felt fine. I got home and 5 hours after I ate the second bar I began having agonizing digestive cramps that were making me nauseous. I just spent the last hour on and off the toilet with the worst smelling, most explosive diarrhea *EVER*. I still haven't farted, but with the pain I was in from those Fiber One bars i'll never have them again. I'll find some other way to be able to fart! Anonymous on May 25 2011, 00:48

I don't think I've ever come across a food that so consistently has these results! Ever get gas and sit there and wonder 'what did I eat?'. I started eating Kashi as part of a 'healthy' diet and wondered no more. Like clockwork this stuff is! I also think 'Kashi' is Japanese for 'hurricane of the butt' or something like that. Anonymous on May 25 2011, 16:45

Mormons are retarded Anonymous on May 27 2011, 17:16 var för fiser man så mycket hela tiden men det gör jätte ont när man fiser hårt hela tiden vet du var för? Anonymous on May 28 2011, 09:47

Avoid Trader Joe's bran muffinsy pu Kasi GoLean Crunch! To shame. Anonymous on May 29 2011, 03:51

Thanks to all the funny comments, it has distracted from the pain I'm in. last week was my first experience with the stuff. I had been traveling all day, I bought a box before getting to my destination as it was getting late and I didn't want to cook. I had a little buzz and I was starving so I began to eat. The cereal is delicious and before I knew it I had eaten almost the entire box. Discomfort would be an understatement. I spent the entire weekend on a couch I quite bad pain with lots of high psi farts and frequent toilet trips. Ridiculous but I bought more because it's enjoyable going in and figured my body needed time to adjust. Had a bowl and blammo a couple hours later I was screwed. But it tastes so good! The box is looking at me right now! Anonymous on May 29 2011, 11:32

I have 2 stories for you all. We're glad we found this site bc I let my wife know that she is not alone. 1) My wife ate one with breakfast before work the other day. She works at a retail store. She called me a few hours into her shift to tell me she's been farting so badly that her coworkers thought the sewer was backing up. She went along with it and they called a plumber. 2) Our dog who farts constantly anyway grabbed one and ran with it. We did not think too much about it at the time. Later during the night, we felt something scrambling under the covers, followed by the dog completely falling out of the bed. She had Dutch oven'd herself so badly she tried to run away from the smell for the rest of the night. Another time without eaten any fiber one, the same dog was in the pool with us. Suddenly, some bubbles made their way to the surface followed by and eldrich stench. She was so scared of her own fart again that night. Anonymous on May 29 2011, 20:54 oh my god!! I thought there has been something wrong with me this whole time...it's been like 2 months with non stop shitting and

Page 113 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

farting im so happy I found this thread on here i am throwing this shit away now! Anonymous on May 29 2011, 23:49

In a single week, I wound up taking two summer classes(each lasts for 4 hours), sleeping over with my new boyfriend for the first couple times, and buying my first box of fiber one bars. The physical pain these delicious chocolaty morsels have put me through is nothing compared to the psychological pain of being transformed into a human danger zone. At least my ordeal has led me to this gem of a web-page XD Anonymous on Jun 1 2011, 00:22

In a single week, I wound up taking two summer classes(each lasts for 4 hours), sleeping over with my boyfriend for the first time, and buying my first box of fiber one bars. The physical pain these delicious chocolaty morsels have put me through is nothing compared to the psychological pain of being transformed into a human danger zone. At least my ordeal has led me to this gem of a web-page XD Anonymous on Jun 1 2011, 00:24

I ate 2 F1B's one afternoon. Went to bed, woke up around 2am from a bad dream. I dreamt that satan was raping my ass, then when i woke up and my ass still hurt and the room smelled like sulphur from the great pits of hell, it dawned on me: it was the F1B's!!!! A week later I came home from work, ate 2 F1B's, then was struck with great fear and doom; I had a massage scheduled for later that afternoon and it was too late to cancel... I had to come clean to my massage therapist, told her if she saw my clinching my cheeks that I was holding back the Winds of Thor due to an indescretion with my F1B's. She told me to just go ahead and fart but those farts are humiliating and I told her I just couldn't subject her to that torture. It all turned out OK in the end, but it was touch and go a few times. Anonymous on Jun 1 2011, 21:19

So true! I eat mine with almond milk, and yesterday my farts smelled exactly like McDonnalds fries all day! I haven't eaten fast food in over a year! Anonymous on Jun 3 2011, 07:48

I got into fiber recently and picked up a couple of boxes. Tried one, thought it was delicious, tried another...Then I went outside to jumprope. In front of my high-rose building. With hundreds of people coming and going. I was in agony. It was a fierce battle between getting my workout in and keeping my sweatpants intact. I made it about 30 minutes before my back started to hurt from being doubled over so long. I hit my bathroom and ruined my asshole and my eardrums. No number 2, just a river of sludge matched by FX quality reverb. Since then I'm going all out, eating about 200% of my daily fiber to build a tolerance. Thank God it's working; I got tired of airing out my sheets. Anonymous on Jun 5 2011, 02:11

I love the taste of this cereal and I also loved being able to buy it in bulk at Costco. But once I put 2+2 together and realized it was causing the enormous volume of gas I had, I decided it wasn't worth it. Shame on Kashi for continuing to sell this crap (literally) without investigate and rectifying (pun intended) the situation. Anonymous on Jun 5 2011, 09:55

Do you recognize that it is high time to receive the home loans, which would help you. Anonymous on Jun 5 2011, 20:59

THANK GOD WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! I had the vanilla Kashi oatmeal this morning and I have to say I am scared that the kids I nanny will need gas masks if I keep it up. We went to a MUSEUM today!! Absolute anti-fart zone and my butt was packing more punch than all the old guns put together in the joint ever had in them! If I ate it tomorrow it would literally be cruel and unusual punishment to the kids since we'll be in a movie theater! But my biggest question is... How does the Kashi office smell? Anonymous on Jun 7 2011, 01:36

I too began operation rolling thunder about two hours after consuming the fiber one bomb. I though I was doing something healthy for my body, since the bar with cocoanut tastes like those Samoan girl scout cookies. My children are begging me to stop farting! This would not be a good food choice someone on the dating scene, more of a frat house party favor! Wow is that true As-sassin, you can build up a tolerance? I just don't think me or my family can take it. Anonymous on Jun 8 2011, 19:49

I understand greatly the frustration and anger that you feel regarding the issue of abortion... Although i also know that there are more honorable ways in which to make this point. This is obviously a satire based on what is becoming a common place occurrence.. It is sad that abortion is such a cavalier resort, let alone an option!... As for the accusations of targeting black women.. This unfortunately is not an ignorant assumption.. In fact to be quite exact when Planned Parenthood was being formed it's founder presented the concept of abortion as a secretly self proclaimed ingenious method that would cause minorities (Black, Hispanic, & Jewish Immigrants) to slowly terminate their own people. Planned Parenthood started going to minority schools to spread the abortion message.. Though they never felt the need to speak at the predominantly white schools. In an early Planned Parenthood document the founder refers to the minority races as, "weeds" & states that they are "contaminating & poisoning our society". Many people don't know that the founder was a self proclaimed white supremacist who was involved with the Ku Klux Klan. Planned Parenthood has obviously denied this stating that these are vicious lies spread by radical extremist Pro Life groups.. This horribly racist agenda of course is vicious, but frighteningly true. The information has always been there in words of black & white, but most people don't believe it... Or they just won't do the research for themselves. In the question of taste.. Most Pro-Abortionists resort to sneering and ridiculing the Pro-Life supporters.. But that doesn't mean that we should take the same approach.. Why lower ourselves & jeer or condemn our fellow man .. All we need do is state facts and our point can be made, understood & by the grace of God this

Page 114 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

monstrosity will no longer be legal in our country =) Anonymous on Jun 9 2011, 04:31

I couldn't figure out what was causing the the horrible gas I was experiencing. I swear I thought I had a stomach virus. Violent doesn't begin to describe the farts I unleashed on my poor coworkers. It came to a head Wednesday after eating one each day for the first three days of the week.I had gotten a hand full of those little gems free from the lunch truck guy at work. I thought it was a nice gesture. After a Mexican lunch on Wednesday it hit me. I couldn't get back to work fast enough. I pinched my butt cheeks together the entire way. I spent the rest of the afternoon on the crapper. After a while I was afraid someone would recognize my shoes in the stall. It was brutal. At one point I let a fart on my office chair that an hour later still stunk. I ended up spraying hand sanitizer on the chair to cover it up. My office ended up smelling like a changing room at a daycare. I outta kick that lunch truck driver's ass Anonymous on Jun 9 2011, 14:53 if you think Kashi is bad...try Good Friends cereal..horrid gas and then i craped out my weight in poop Anonymous on Jun 10 2011, 21:31

@thislZwar and the other mormons on this site- before you defend your Joseph Smith and his false religion go research your own stinking doctrine. This is a huge problem with mormons, they don't know how many times their religion has changed and what has changed and when and why. You all defend a religion that you don't even have TRUE knowledge of. You can't "sell" your religion with your own doctrine so you people use "families of eternity and other beliefs that make people feel all warm and fuzzy, i.e. no Hell etc.. The Bible says there is a Hell and the mormons will go there based on what God says, not Joseph Smith. Your religion does in fact teach about you becoming Gods and a planet and all of the other crap that has been typed here. And your original doctrine states you are not to drink iced drinks or hot drinks yet every mormon I know will drink iced tea or iced water. Learn your doctrine mormons you don't know the religion you follow. Mormons lack common sense. Common sense dictates that we don't believe what we are told. Common sense speaks to the digging for truth for yourselves. To call mormons retarded is an insult to the handicapped. They are not retarded, they are ignorant. And mormons have morals? Get real. How do you have morals with a religion that spreads racism and polygamy? And how can it be that you can get married for time and all eternity and then get divorced and turn around and get married in your demonic temples yet again and again and again? Demonic with your moons and stars- check out freemasonry- for your own salvation mormon people learn about your religion. Anytime your religion changes it isn't because God changes it is because you mormons have to change to get members. As far as the alcohol and tobacco comment, a lot of non mormons don't drink and smoke and I know many who do because they believe they will go to the mormon low kingdom anyway. I know plenty of mormons who have affairs and stay in their marriages for "appearances" sake. They have young boys who go on the mormon missions and become gay. What about all those who lie for a temple recommend by claiming to be sexually pure before they got married? I have known many who by their own admission screwed around before marriage and went ahead and got married in your satanic temple. So stop acting all self-righteous with your comments about how you must be doing something right. Go learn the truths about your religion or go to hell. If you can't see the truth of your religion for what it is then enjoy this short life here because you won't enjoy eternity. It won't be with your family forever it will be in hell. That is God's word not mine. Anonymous on Jun 11 2011, 13:08

So, this whole thing is ridiculous. I can't believe so many people bash mormons all the time my mother is mormon and it can be annoying at times, but in truth, I'm okay with it. I really hate it when people talk crap about a religion they know next to nothing about. If one of these LDS bashing idiots would spend some time reading the elegantly written scriptures they wouldn't hate so much. Holy crap! Aside from being annoying as the ocaissional missionary then what do mormons do wrong? For crying out loud most mormons give a tithing to charity! If you don't know what that is then google it. Anonymous on Jun 11 2011, 21:24

OOH IGNORANT PEOPLE DON'T WORSHIP A FILTHY CHARACTER LIKE HER. SHE IS EATING SATAN'S SHIT IN HELL FOR THE SINS SHE HAS DONE :- {FOOLING HER HUSBAND ( she wanted every nice men in her ), LYING ABOUT HER SELVES AND HER DEEDS TO HAVE SUPPORT, FOOLING PEOPLE AS IF SHE CARED THEM (it was her drama to get worshiped by fools), GOD DINT GIVE HER ANY NOBLE MIND, SHE WAS A FOOL IN STUDIES AND A NERD BY CHARACTER, SHE WAS LIKE A WHITE PIG WHICH GOT TOO MUCH INTO PEOPLES MIND. THE LITTLE CHARITY WHEN COMPARED TO HER LAVISH EXPENDITURE AND NONSENSE SHE DID WAS TO GET WORSHIPED BY INNOCENTS THE EXTENSIVE WORK SHE DID ON LANDMINES WAS TO SAVE HER SELVES FROM DEATH AS SHE WAS ALREADY WARNED BY SOME FOOL I KNOW (FORETOLD HER FUTURE DEATH) THAT SHE WAS GOING TO DIE IN CAR CRASH BUT SHE AND HER CLOSE ASSISTANTS TOOK IT IN A WRONG WAY AND PRESUMED IT AS A THREAT THAT SOMEONE IS TRYING TO BLOW HER IN HER CAR (landmines were commonly used to target VIPs in Asia and Africa). I DON'T THINK SHE BELIEVED IT TOTALLY WHEN SHE WAS CAUTIONED ABOUT HER DEATH IN CAR BUT SHE DID TAKE MUCH OF PRECAUTIONS : SHE MADE IT PUBLIC, STOPPED USAGE OF LANDMINES, ACCUSED ELDERS.

YOU STILL DON'T KNOW SOME OF HER VERY FILTHY SECRETS. FOR GODS SAKE SHE WAS NO ANGLE SHE WAS A CUNNING, FILTHY LADY WHO WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE A PRINCESS FOR A WHILE. YOU MAY SAY SHE LIVES IN YOUR OR PEOPLES HEART. BUT SHE IS NOW LIVING NOT EVEN NORMAL BUT A VERY PATHETIC AND DISGUSTING LIFE IN SOMETHING LIKE HELL EATING SOMETHING LIKE SATAN'S SHIT. Anonymous on Jun 12 2011, 14:19

Page 115 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

All of you faggots here who say Diana was an escort/slut, where is your proof? You have any? No? Then shut up and protect your worthless reputation. Anonymous on Jun 13 2011, 18:49

Yes, it is definitely the chicory root (inulin) that is the culprit, and not just unfamiliarity with fiber.... I get plenty of fiber, my body knows all about it. But my first recorded experience with chicory root was with some wonderful non-dairy ice cream. It had 5 grams of fiber per half cup. Guess where they got the fiber? Yup, our friend chicory root. After pigging out on the otherwise healthy and non-allergenic stuff - I had 3 days of the most painful gas I've ever experienced. Gas bubbles were just stuck in various places and wouldn't move, felt as hard as tumors (really, I would have been happy to let it pass out naturally...). Never had that kind of reaction to anything else, even dairy ice cream (despite my allergy to dairy). Now they're putting chicory root in so many things, including my favorite whole grain breads, to let them put even higher fiber content on the label. Not good at all. The whole grains have quite enough fiber, thank you very much. I'm going to have to start baking my own bread again, it's so hard to find something good without the ^%%$# chicory root. Anonymous on Jun 14 2011, 01:22

Wow-- I was wondering where the long lovely gassy farts were coming from! I have been eating fiber one brownies from Costco because they are only 2 weight watchers points. Should I feel guilty for giving the 3 year old kid next door 2 fiber one brownies for a snack as he was watching Sponge Bob on my bed? Hahahahahahahaha! They are SOOOO good. Well, at least I have won the farting contests in my house-- FINALLY! Anonymous on Jun 14 2011, 08:05

Omg these posts are cracking me up. Kashi makes me goto the bathroom like 10 times a day... Anonymous on Jun 14 2011, 15:17

FUCK THIS U CUNT U R A FUCKING MOTHER FUCKER WHO RAPES LADIES AND SUCKS THEIR VULVA U DIPSHIT U PENIS HEAD GO FUCK UR SELF IN HELL DIANA WOULD BEAT THE SHIT UT OF U IF SHE EVA SAW THIS CRAP FACE AND U WOULDN'T WANT TO BE MESSING WE ME EITHER MOTHER CRAPPER U BETTER PREY FOR HER EVERY NIGHT NOW FUCK FACE OR ELSE GO FUCK UR SELF IN HELL Anonymous on Jun 15 2011, 07:28

This is incredible! I googled "farts so bad even the dog hates me" because, well, that's what I was experiencing. This site was the second link that came up. Sure enough, I just ate two Fiber One bars three hours ago. It was the first time I ever had a Fiber One bar and I didn't make the connection. Too bad, because they are delicious. Anonymous on Jun 17 2011, 19:48 this goes to "relief" and other victims! I had the same problem ! horrible diarreah! all caused by Kashi go Lean! almost caused undoable harm, and cost me many weeks of my live. I also agree, this product should be banned! recovering slowly now, but my stomach still not doing good! I want to sue them.. Anonymous on Jun 19 2011, 00:15

Thank goodness I found this page. I tried the Fiber Plus bars last week and I have been farting nonstop. I thought I was getting the flu or something. I have had constant gas since I started eating them over a week ago. I had not connected it to the bars, I will no longer be buying Fiber Plus or Fiber One bars. I still have two boxes, I guess my household will have to deal with the gas zones a few more weeks. Anonymous on Jun 20 2011, 01:08

The guy next to me at work eats these and he doesn't stop. I can't imagine what it does to his underwares. Its like an Irish Mariachi band in here. Anonymous on Jun 20 2011, 14:03

I'm almost disappointed I didn't get any gas after eating Kashi Go Lean. I've been eating it everyday for a week with no unpleasant effects. No gas no cramping nothing. I guess it effects different people differently. I've read that a body's reaction to non soluable fibre depends on the natural flora of bacteria you have in your gut. Also if you are not used to fibre in your diet it takes time to get used to it. Anonymous on Jun 20 2011, 21:48

I'm a mother of 3 boys and I wanted to start eating healthy as a family and bought a box of kashi go lean and just feed a bowl to my boys. It seems after reading these threads they are going to have a BLAST today. Thanks guys needed the laugh! Anonymous on Jun 21 2011, 13:52

You guys sound like the symphony orchestra between the laughter and the bombs that are being let out in between. LOL:) Anonymous on Jun 21 2011, 13:56

Page 116 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

LMAO! Omg... love this. I have been eating it for months. I just can't not eat the cereal. It's soooo addicting and good. Right now I am typing this as I am gassy and look 6 months pregnant. Thank you, Kashi for making an addicting cereal that makes you fart a lot. Anonymous on Jun 23 2011, 13:32

Oh my God!!! Thank you for this site! My wife and I bought a box of these at Sams Club over the weekend and have been on a wild ride ever since. The gas has literally made it possible to hover an inch over my chair. It's almost like I've eaten a 50 sack of beans. Why is there no warning label on these things? I had to give a presentation at a board meeting this week. I was stuck in a room with the VP's of my company for 1.5 hours. I thought that I was going to explode! Anonymous on Jun 23 2011, 13:35

I had one for breakfast and a few hours later I was running from a training session at work to FART and BELCH in the bathroom. It was all I could do to get to the bathroom, walking normally, holding it in for fear of crapping my pants. I got so bloated and felt like I was going to explode. It's not just friendly loud gas coming out. You must be on the toilet when you crank out these bombs, there is blow-by! My 6 and 8 year old sit around coming up with new names for the FiberOne bars and here they are: FiberWHOMP bar, FiberTWO bar, FiberTOOT bar, FiberPOO bar. Anonymous on Jun 24 2011, 06:28

After several months, I finally figured it out! At work, I eat a bowl of cereal with fruit every day. Never on the weekends. A few months ago, I switched to Kashi GoLean Crunch Honey Almond flax to try something different. It was different all right! Tastes very good, but so not worth the pain, agony, and embarrassment. I was totally puzzled by this new life change. I googled blueberries, apples, bananas, and even soy milk -- stuff I don't eat a lot of on the weekends. Then it dawned on me. What about the new cereal? I'm so glad I found this blog and am very grateful nothing serious is wrong with me. Kashi is in the trash! Anonymous on Jun 24 2011, 16:13

84 Lane Bryant Unveils new plus size body bag collection just in time for store shooting .. I like it Anonymous on Jun 24 2011, 21:29

I tell you what, I used to eat this stuff all the time then quit because of the gas. Had a box of it sitting in the pantry this morning and decided what the hell I'm gonna try something different this morning. Thought it would be cool to take a serving of Kashi Go Lean Crunch and Mix it with my protein powder in my shake to get some carbs in. Bad idea, with the protein added, it was like adding Nitrous to a race car. Kashi in the garbage. Anonymous on Jun 25 2011, 13:52

The ugly whore Diana admitted to being a dirty slut, was smiling about it while making her filthy confessions on TV. Only the most pathetic attention seeking whores brag about being whores. The sluts death was the best thing that ever happened to the UK, just a pity she didnt die a slower death. She is lying on her back in Hell, being the dirty whore for eternity. What a dirty filthy skank. Anonymous on Jun 26 2011, 04:04

Hahah I just finally put 2 and 2 together to figure out what was making me fart like a world champ... These things have now been banned from our household! I had one yesterday after lunch, and from 5pm until around 9pm it was CONSTANT, unbelievable farting. Anonymous on Jun 28 2011, 10:18 omg i thought something was seriously wrong with me. i gave up dairy for weeks thinking it must be that. now i know!!! shame, because go lean crunch honey almond flax tastes great.....but i just can't with the painful horrible gas!!!! Anonymous on Jun 29 2011, 13:33

The first time I bought the bars of evil I ate 5 in a 10 hour span. The first night involved lots of gas but the next morning my stomach bubbled and I couldn't stop pooping for two and a half days. Something so delicious shouldn't be trusted.They lure you with their chocolaty goodness and then attach your insides with a vengeance. I should've known something was up with Fiber One bars when I tried to get my four year old to eat them and he refused. Children always know... Anonymous on Jul 4 2011, 22:43

I knew of these bars- my mother enjoys them on a regular basis. So when I won a box at a chaity raffle I offered them instead to my friends at my house party last weekend. Just to prove that fiber one bars really are the devils snack my friends broke the toilet. I'm spending this weekend replacing the tile in the washroom. Should you wish to abuse the almighty power of the fiber one and prank your friends, this little bar delivers a mean karmic kick. Anonymous on Jul 5 2011, 01:42

I discovered these fiber one bars because I was told that fiber has many beneficial values so i went out expecting something great. I quickly discovered something much much different. I consumed four fiber one bars three days ago all at once because I wanted my fiber asap. The first thing that happened was the colossal farts, these farts were by no means normal as their volume and smell was off the charts. I have never experienced such gas and discomfort. For some strange reason I have not been able to make a good bowel movement since I consumed them three days ago, all that has happened is these very small turds that have no significance. These bars have caused so many problems in my life as my girlfriend has had to smell and hear the largest farts i have ever produced. I really hope that noone ever eats these again because of all the pain i have endured. I really hope to make a bowel movement soon as i am a bit worried, i think my system is in overload and doesnt know what to do.

Page 117 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Jul 5 2011, 03:05

Without taking too much of a side, I'll just say it's interesting that people waste time on random websites typing full essays on what they think is fuckin retarded, and then call non-bashers bashers of bashers. Anonymous on Jul 5 2011, 15:51

This is a lot of neo-nazi styled ultra-hate against a group that hasn't done any wrong to anyone, spouted by dumbshits who don't actually know anything about what their bashing. Chances are the bashers here can relate to one of the following scenerios: your pissed because you found out you can't bang your GF cause she's Mormon; you have dady/mommy issues with a mormon parent; you think they're going to somehow take over the world and force you to not drink cofee; you have a problem with the First Amendment; you like jumping on random hater bandwagons, you're homo(no offense, but seriously it would make sense), or you hate it when people point out what makes a low-life/asshole/anything less than a god; or a good number of other things. Also, there are actually two or more religions calling themselves Mormos; the only true-blue one is the LDS church, and the other main one is often mistaken as the same thing, which is the child molesting polygimist "flds", or "fundamentalist mormons". Just to make you feal better, their "prophet" was arrested for sexual assault recently. Anonymous on Jul 5 2011, 16:14

The first time I ate one of these lovely little landmines was several years ago. I was expecting my hubby home soon, and had managed to stink the house up something horrible. I threw open the windows to air out the place, and decided that when the bombs hit I should just step out onto the porch. Well, wouldn't you know, I had to delay going out on the porch because of a phone call, and by the time I was able to step out there was probably 50 pounds of air pressure on the loading dock. I flew out the door on to the porch, and released the loudest fart I think I've ever heard, something you might hear from a nice off-shore boat. As luck would have it, the next-door-neighbor was in his side yard working on his broken down lawn mower. He whipped around so fast he nearly lost his balance. All I could think to say was, "I think I hear a storm coming- better get in the house." I never could look him in the eye when we passed on the sidewalk after that. Anonymous on Jul 5 2011, 22:45

The reason people find this religion to be so outgoingly... retarded, is due to the fact that guy told one of the fattest ongoing lies, lied more about it to make people belive, cheated on his wife, got caught, then lied to get out of it, to put it simply, this entire religion is just the most obvious lie of all the religions, I know there's no real proof to say god is real, but I do believe in god as a devout christian, but jesus titty fucking christ, who is stupid enough to that indians are bad, black people are bad, the bible was read with random gold plates, and were read behind a curtain where noone else but the one guy who "claims" all this shit to be true can see, I mean come on, just be sensible, pure fucking stupidity, but for most of us it's just fucking hillarious to see those nerds on their bikes with their shirts and ties and bicycle helmets with their pamphlets, life's good. Anonymous on Jul 6 2011, 05:17

It's true... Everyone in the LDS church that thinks they are being "picked" on does not have any idea what their religion is about. It is such an absurd, make believe, horse-shit bin full of non-sense. I can understand Christianity, because it is a bunch of stories made up by humans... But the Book of Mormon... Holy shit, what an unbelievable pile of bullshit. It really separates the idiots from the complete morons. Mormons have the potential the believe anything they are told... As a matter of fact, I read off of a gold plate that says Mormons need to suck my balls to go to heaven. Here! *whips nuts out*, this is your only way to salvation, for the golden plates no one else can see told me so! After all, Jesus was born in Missouri and so was my nutsack,,, Now suck it you LDS bitch... Same thing, think about it. It is so stupid and absurd. I don't think there is a hell, but if there is, I think the Mormons will fill it up quick. Defending your religion by pointing to your absurd text is NOT an argument. Complete retards... Anonymous on Jul 6 2011, 06:02 car insurance 09475 affordable car insurance huz Anonymous on Jul 6 2011, 21:08

I just ate 2 Fiber One bars...not realizing they were made in the depths of farty HELL!!! Family is staying with us and twice I had to blame it on the dogs, when really they were scared out of their minds wondering where the sonic boom's are coming from...I finally looked up Fiber One..WTF? Then I realized I am not alone. Thanks for all the great laughs! Anonymous on Jul 7 2011, 05:17

FIBER ONE BARS SHOULD BE BANNED. THE WORST GAS I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. Anonymous on Jul 8 2011, 01:48

Ugh. I enjoy offensive humor as much as the next guy, but this shit is WAY over the line, as is a lot of the other stuff on this site. Fred was a friend of mine. He was not a hatemongerer, nor did he compromise his beliefs. He was, in every sense of the word, a good man. I sincerely hope that those that read this don't believe a word of it, from the blatant statement that his life was unfulfilling to the more subtle statement that this man would EVER use such an offensive word as "fag." If you honestly think any single word of this is true, go fuck yourself. If you don't, enjoy the joke and then take long look at how twisted your sense of humor is. You may need some help. Anonymous on Jul 8 2011, 18:15

Page 118 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I love listening to idiotic religious bickering. Face it people. There is thousands and thousands of different religions. And there all wrong. If there's that many religions then it is highly unlikely any of them are right. So stop bickering over this fucking thread. All it is trying to say is that Mormonism makes the least sense out of all of the fake religions. GET OVER IT YOU FUCKING RETARDS. Also. I don't know who said this but protons were not the cause of the big bang. Take a science class why dont ya Anonymous on Jul 12 2011, 14:55

Dear wtf, I now know it was you believes this idiotically in the big bang. As a scientist I can tell you that protons did not create the big bang. Apparently you have no grasp of the new concept "Absolute Nothing" and "Nothing". Before the big bang there was "Nothing", as in there was no mass or sense of everything in general. There are two possibilities that are now very popular. The first is of photons. (Light energy) Which has no mass. There is also the elusive material of dark energy/dark matter, which we don't have much concept of which makes it a very strong candidate. Please in the future restrain from blabbing anything you think just because some missionary preached it to you on your doorstep. Why do people refuse to believe what is practically 1st grade science. Anonymous on Jul 12 2011, 15:36 i say believe whatever you want, if someone believes in something that your common sense tells you is stupid than let them.not nyour problem right? and i would love someone to prove to me that the bible says theres a hell,it does not say theres a hell and it SPECIFICALLY says that NO MAN will ever go to heaven excpet for the 144000 and if there was such places dont you think that jesus would have mentioned it once. when he reserected lazuras his BEST FRIEND he cried with the family,why would he do that? why not tell them he was in heaven with his father a better place? why wouldnt he out right tell people that if there wicked they will go to hell and if they arnt he would see them in heaven? he didnt so that should tell you somehting. The words hell,and sheol are just words that litarally mean "the common grave" people. thats how they used to talk. hell meaning grave or creamation by fire. its people who twist these words into something else. Also before jesus went to go reserect his friend lazuras he told them that he was asleep and that he (jesus) was going to go and wake him. his apostles got confused by his meaning he therefore had to tell them he was dead. If he was somewhere else jesus would have said so. there sooo many scriptures like this stop putting rediculous meaning to things. most people these days dont even read the bible they listen to what other people say about it.or if they do they just cant understand it. Anonymous on Jul 12 2011, 16:39

I apologize for any bad spelling i had or may have in the future. My keyboard is very temperamental. I wish you all a happy belief in fake gods ~AtheistsRule AKA Drefan Anonymous on Jul 12 2011, 20:28

Just ran across this site - I just bought a big box of these at Costco because they looked good. So, will these Fiber One bars make things worse if your girlfriend is already so, so gassy as it is? Or will these probably not affect her because she is a gassy person already? Not sure if I should take these back to Costco or not instead of just eating them and having my girlfriend try them. Anyone please help - let me know. Anonymous on Jul 15 2011, 01:48 i ripped out my arse hole after eating a few boxs of fiber one fart bars.. where isthe hot topic on this subject...... Regis Philbin!! its blown in the wind.....like bob dylan sang!! Anonymous on Jul 16 2011, 02:48 wow so many disrespectful atheists on here have respect for others beliefs even if they are retarded btw SOUTHPARK FTW! X) watch season 7 they take the piss out of it Anonymous on Jul 17 2011, 09:25

Holy cow I am soooo glad I found this. I thought I was sick or something. Anonymous on Jul 19 2011, 01:31

Well, it started one day on road trip to Ikea -which was an hour away-, I decided to eat 2 of these tasty treats in route. As I was walking around the store I couldn't help put leave a cloud of toxic gaseous fumes. I hurriedly moved around hoping no one would faint from my embarrassment of humanely cloud excrement. I walked around wondering what was causing my booty to clap and that warm sensation of air to float up my back and I couldn't figure it out as nothing in this world can cause me to fart with every step I took. As I drove home that evening with my -was hoping to remain- significant other - as I figured I might get dumped on the drive home-, I held my ass cheeks tightly and the farting subsided and I was in the clear. We both went to bed in peace that evening spooning under the comforter and then all of a sudden MACHINE GUN explosive sounds startled us from our sleep. I realized it was my ass and my cuddle buddy wasn't so happy from the stench nor my ass sounding like a war gun alarm clock. I all of a sudden had this rumbling sound in my tummy and ran to the bathroom. My booty had lightening squirts for hours every time I thought I was done I had more...so much I couldn't return to bed or go to work the next day as I was dehydrated and afraid to shart at work. FIBER ONE, you owe me a day of work's pay and a new cuddle buddy! Anonymous on Jul 19 2011, 22:16

OMG! It's the chicory root fiber! I've had IBS my entire life and now a slight version of diverticulitus. But one day I bought a box of

Page 119 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

FIBER ONE bars on sale and holy moly! I had farts as long as the Mississippi River. I couldn't believe it! I had gas up to my chin. I kept running back and forth to the ladies room for my M16 fart sessions. I normally throw unwanted food "over the fence" at home for the wild critters but not with this stuff. I threw them in the trash. I did not want to blow up some poor unsuspecting animal. And then, the other day, I bought a box of the Kashi chewy granola bars. No where, no where did they indicate they were fiber bars. Well, after a second day of misery, I checked the label. Shazam! It contained chicory root fiber! I called the Kashi people and complained. They acted so ignorant. I told them they need to indicate on the label that they are "fiber" bars. I have no problems going to the bathroom and would rather avoid farting at all costs. Who are these people that need this crap to take a crap???? It aint me! Anonymous on Jul 20 2011, 10:22 lmao i am sooooooo glad i searched this subject and found this page because i thought i was the only one my husband is so disgusted at me but i told him i cant help it after eating fiber1bars lol "i thought something was going wrong and that i should seek help" lmao the farts are so many and so loud and yes 1 could seriously make a mix tape out of em ! Never in a million years i would think that a lady could fart like i do after eating fiber1 i seriously thought that only big fat men could fart like that ! THANX FOR THE POST ...... I FEEL SO RELIEVED ...... AND NOT TALKING ABOUT THE MEGA FARTS LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Jul 20 2011, 10:26

OMG! It's the chicory root fiber! I've had IBS my entire life and now a slight version of diverticulitus. But one day I bought a box of FIBER ONE bars on sale and holy moly! I had farts as long as the Mississippi River. I couldn't believe it! I had gas up to my chin. I kept running back and forth to the ladies room for my M16 fart sessions. I normally throw unwanted food "over the fence" at home for the wild critters but not with this stuff. I threw them in the trash. I did not want to blow up some poor unsuspecting animal. And then, the other day, I bought a box of the Kashi chewy granola bars. No where, no where did they indicate they were fiber bars. Well, after a second day of misery, I checked the label. Shazam! It contained chicory root fiber! I called the Kashi people and complained. They acted so ignorant. I told them they need to indicate on the label that they are "fiber" bars. I have no problems going to the bathroom and would rather avoid farting at all costs. Who are these people that need this crap to take a crap???? It aint me! Anonymous on Jul 20 2011, 10:27

WELL....on a plight to eat healthier I decided these would be a great quick breakfast. And god knows they are soooo delish!!! Took me a couple days to figure out these things are dangerous! I've literally been farting for hours on end and they are so intense! And not just one type of fart.. no you get to experience them all.. The "Silent but Deadly" farts, the trumpet farts, the laughing farts, the "dear god I hope this brings some relief" farts, laughing farts, etc. Eat em' at your own risk!!! Anonymous on Jul 20 2011, 15:18

In my quest for a lowcal, healthier breakfast, I saw these at Sam's Club and bought a big box of the chocolate peanut butter. Ate one yesterday and one this morning and have been in misery ever since. I'm blown up like a balloon in the Macy's parade and can't get off the toilet! Insane!! No more Satan's Snacks for me! Geez! Chicory root extract is of the devil!!!!! Anonymous on Jul 22 2011, 01:12

These comments are hilarious. I bought these for my son because he tasted these on a camp out and said how good they were. I put these in his lunches but he had not mentioned about the gas so I will have to ask him. Anyhow, we brought him a couple on a family night visit to boy scout camp last night but he didn't want them so my husband and I both ate one on the drive back. It didn't hit me until we got home (about 2 hours later). I didn't think too much of it beause I have IBS and lots of stuff can give me trouble but this time did seem more intense than usual. I finally fell asleep and the next morning was awful (non stop gas; I coud literally push on my stomach and force the gas out). I had a suspicion it was those bars and then I googled it and found this. My husband was completely unaffected but he can eat about anything and not be bothered by it. NEVER AGAIN but they were very tasty. Anonymous on Jul 22 2011, 12:01 had a bowl last night. woke up in the middle of the night after a dream that I was in labor with twins. ( I am 54). I was a wake, but my gut was still killing me. kashi, nightmare, pain, gas. thanks. Anonymous on Jul 23 2011, 14:00

Yes, he's a fraud but they're everywhere. And it's the choice of those who lost a loved one to even go to see such a charlatan. Giving uneducated advice is a staple of psychic loons. Nobody is dragging the bereaved to go see this clown. But FFS leave the debunking and criticism to James Randi. Anonymous on Jul 23 2011, 16:11

Just ran across this site - I just bought a big box of these at Costco because they looked good. So, will these Fiber One bars make things worse if your girlfriend is already so, so gassy as it is? Or will these probably not affect her because she is a real gassy person already? Not sure if I should take not even open these and take them back to Costco or just have my girlfriend try them - maybe they won't affect her gas anymore than she already has. Anyone please help - let me know. Anonymous on Jul 23 2011, 16:54

I'm so glad a friend linked this page for me! About 20 minutes after I ate my first bowl of Kashi ever, I started bloating with the worst gas pains ever! I've already thrown the cereal away after reading these comments, and I just drank a whole bottle of Peopto Bismol! The pain, boss, the PAIN!!

Page 120 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Jul 25 2011, 12:37

First off I am laughing so hard tears are rolling down my face. Last night I ate my frst ever Fiber One bar.. it was good. This morning I ate some Fiber One cereal.. it was good. Today at lunch I had another Fiber One bar..lol. Right this very moment, my stomach is so bloated and hard.. I look like I am pregnant.. oh shit. I am a nurse care manager at a hospital.. I have had the worst gas all day long. While in patient's rooms today.. I have had to pinch my butt cheeks together to try not to fart. I was in misery in the elevator laughing inside just waiting for the door to open. So I decided to look this up on the internet.. because I am laying in bed thinking "Oh my God something is wrong.." lol.. and I found everyone else in the same boat.. I agree they are evil..lol Anonymous on Jul 25 2011, 20:48

This webpage just made me laugh so hard I starting crying trying to keep it together. And trying to keep in the amazingly bad gas pains I'm having from eating Kashi this morning. I went to a dietician just yesterday complaining of unbelievably bad pains/bloating that happens every day at 11:30 (about 4 hours after I eat breakfast). She gave me all this advice about logging what I eat and eliminating certain foods to try and figure out what it is. Well, I found out what it is. KASHI!!! On days I eat it, worst stomach/intestinal pains ever - literally, I can't even walk right. Days I don't eat it, I'm perfectly fine. Kashi cereal will no longer frequent my pantry. I'm just dissappointed I didn't realize this earlier...I've been eating this cereal for months!! Anonymous on Jul 26 2011, 15:33

We have a guy at our office who has a bowl of these evil fart bars on his desk. "How great" I thought,increase my fiber intake and taste something yummy! One this morning and one this afternoon, having never attributing the numerous gas expulsions throughout the day to the Fiber barfs. My day ended up in the neighborhood pool swimming with my young son, but constantly inching away from him when a gas bubble floated upward. As I was wearing a pair of goggles to keep the chlorine out of my eyes, I found that I could go underwater, form a slight somersault position hugging my knees, lean slightly backward, and for the 1st time in my life, actually see fart bubbles. How old am I again? I think I'll need a new computer chair after writing this. Damn you Fiber One! Anonymous on Jul 27 2011, 19:52

Purchased 2# of cornking bacon for BLT sandwiches. When we opened one pound it was 90% fat. The other pound was 80% fat and at the bottom all little pieces of so called bacon. This is robbing the costumer and should be stopped by the company. I will NEVER buy this product name again. Anonymous on Jul 29 2011, 21:00

I did not believe it at first, so I performed a amateur study. First day I had 3 bars, it was hell the rest of the day. Second day I had two bars, again, it was hell. Right now I had one 10 minutes ago, and I have gas problems. These things are great if you have a fart fetish. They are like fat free pringo's, looks great on paper, but when you eat it, you have officially commited social suicide. Anonymous on Jul 29 2011, 21:57

She was a filthy whore the whole British inbread circle is fucked up look at the piece of shit prince Charles and their inbred kids , one fucked up monarchy Anonymous on Jul 30 2011, 14:47 lmao i googled "fuck joseph smith" and this came up. Anonymous on Jul 31 2011, 03:12

2 weeks ago my friends little sister who is 7 asked if i wanted a snack and handed me a fiber one bar....i always wanted to taste one since i saw them on tv...after i ate it she told me it makes you fart a lot....guess what 2 hours later i'm trying to contain my gas while at my friend's birthday dinner at a nice steakhouse....later that night i could not get off the toilet....it made me so nauceous and very sick to my stomach that i could not go to sleep...... now today she handed me this brownie thing and told me to taste it i took one bite....then she told me it was fiber one and i threw it across the room....later that night my stomach was churning and was in the bathroom all night....and i only took one bite....damn you fiber one Anonymous on Aug 1 2011, 15:25

Thank you thank you thank you for the post!!! Now I know what's been going on!! I couldn't figure out what in the world was giving me SO MUCH GAS!! I mean, 1 bowl of Kashi GoLean is equal to like 10-15 bowls of pinto beans. SERIOUSLY. It's insane. It's like I turned into a bagpipe. For hours, literally ALL DAY. You eat them in the morning, the gas doesn't stop til at lest 7 or 8 pm. HUGE gas. It just keeps coming and coming like the Hindenburg. And it only started when I started eating that for breakfast. And when I'd go out and eat something else—no gas. It's too bad. I like the cereal. But the gas is just too too much. Goodbye Kashi GoLean cereal. Anonymous on Aug 1 2011, 19:40

Eat a Fiber One bar and drink muscle protein shake before attending a Sarah Palin or Glenn Beck event. The attendees will smell the odor and think its white trash hog heaven day Anonymous on Aug 5 2011, 15:42 i think my asshole fell into my back pocket after i ate a fiber one bar . tell you them bars are realy hard on a persons asshole.. i think the people making them should all be locked in one small room.. and nothing to eat but fiber one bars .. Anonymous on Aug 6 2011, 01:49

Page 121 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I thought that I had salmonella because of the recall on ground turkey....but its the DAM Kashi Go Lean !! I started calling my doctor and wanted him to check my for food poisioning. My husband and I were doing the Insanity workout that recommends this cereal but both of us have the worst gas. I am definitly going to switch over to another cereal. The other day I was in trainng and had to interupt a poor guy and run to the bathroom with the " oh shit" look on my face. It was very very bad. Anonymous on Aug 6 2011, 14:01

There is literally no other food that produces more gas than Kashi GoLean. I'm not eating the crunch, I'm eating the hardcore crunchy fiber twigs with 10g fiber per serving. Today I admitted to myself that I have absolutely no control over the Kashi gas. I work in a laboratory and, at least 5 times every day I have to stop what I'm doing IMMEDIATELY and find a place to cropdust. I've even fucked up experiments because I felt like I was going to pop and had to run from the bench to the stairwell. My stomach hurts, my butthole hurts and I can't get any work done. This is a problem. Anonymous on Aug 8 2011, 20:23

It's so goofy when people 'believe' in anything and then try to refute it!!

#1) Gods/prophets/similar ideas don't magically exist JUST because people believe in them. Getting enough people to believe in an idea/God/religion for a long enough period of time does not make something feasible or real. The majority of the public is often misguided and poorly educated. #2) Facts are needed to refute ideas/Gods/religions. Therefore, things that are solely based upon belief (ie, _NOT FACTS_) cannot be justified. For example, if you want to believe that dinosaurs jump from planet to planet with aliens riding them, you would need some factual evidence to qualify it.

I hope someone understands this, but I'm sure the people who should understand it the most will have a snotty comeback about how 'their' religion is 'the right one'. le sigh Anonymous on Aug 9 2011, 15:40

Omg ! I have not laughed this much in a really long time. I have had gas so bad for the last two days. I could figure out why and the only thing I could think of was the fiber one bars so I googled it and found this site. Thanks for a great laugh ! I will probably ease of the fiber one bars too...LOL Anonymous on Aug 9 2011, 21:38

These bars are ridiculous. My boyfriend gave me the ol' "its ok to fart in front of me" a few months ago. So I got comfortable and had my occasional fart. Then the fibers came along and he desperately regrets his decision. After I eat one of those bars for lunch by the time we lay down for some nightime tv by butt blasts are unstoppable! glad im not the only one ladies Anonymous on Aug 10 2011, 01:38

To the people complaining about people bashing religion: The cause of our anger towards religion comes purely from frustration that there are people out there refusing to use their minds at all, let alone to max potential. Have you ever seen the matrix? Its like we're in the real world trying to free the common people of their ignorance but they refuse to let go of their fake beliefs that control their lives and ruin our peace! They will never listen to any sort of reason, so the least we can do is gather here and voice our dissatisfaction! Anonymous on Aug 11 2011, 00:06

WARNING....while the 90 calorie Fiber One brownies are indeed tasty, it is wise not to eat more than one of them because I am pretty sure they have something similar to EX LAX in them....and you may require some Beano and Imodium the following day after you ingest them if you do not heed this warning!! Anonymous on Aug 11 2011, 14:49

Ok, first of all, I have to admit I've had some great laughs from the posts I've read here. But on a serious note, I can't really feel too much sympathy because we all (clearly) have internet access so do some research. Several websites say that you should introduce a high fiber product (or diet) gradually. Ok, so one bar doesn't seem like much. However, the second part is the water intake. You have GOT to drink TONS of water. Honestly, I wouldn't make this up. I am 43 years old and a week ago weighed 151 and decided to really get fit again. Back to a size 6. The first time I picked up a box of these bars I was in love. They really taste delicious but a few hours later my house was afire. I couldn't even sit still for all the gas. Later that day I hopped on my treadmill and walk-ran for an hour while drinking water. Gas resolved. I mean literally gone. It's the same as when I had my hysterectomy when I was 37. They made me walk around every day because movement releases gas. The same way you pat a baby on the back to burp them. Now, I have a Fiber One bar every single morning and I drink no less than 4 quarts of water every single day. That sounds like a lot, but my skin is glowing, I've lost 6 pounds in a week and I feel fabulous. Get yourself a pitcher to sit on your desk and drink all day slowly. You won't be peeing every minute, your skin will look good, the pounds drop off and the gas lasts nowhere as long as when you don't take in that water. And go for a walk on your lunch hour or after work if you can. I can sincerely say I can now eat one or two bars a day with no issues. And as a backup, yeah, some Beano is good.

Page 122 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

6 pounds lost in a week and pretty skin? You go ahead and skip your fiber bars if you want, I'm eatin' mine!!! Anonymous on Aug 12 2011, 15:08 you lost 6 pounds of fat that blown out your ass..be honest,,you can have pretty skin and nice ass.. but is it realy worth going on your treadmill and blowing farts drinking water? i bet all your house plants and everything behind your tread mill has fart spatter on it,,or even dead.., but anyway congratze on the 6 lbs and nice skin.. when you drop another 6 lbs i will send you a box of but plugs Anonymous on Aug 14 2011, 00:29

I have no idea what you're talking about. I ate an entire box in the last 12 hours and have noticed no more gas than usual. I've been trying everything to fix constipation lately, it's the stress from my job causing it. But it wasn't anything unusual. ALL YOU PEOPLE HAVE LOST YOUR MINDS. Anonymous on Aug 14 2011, 01:27

Ignore is clearly bliss. I was just giving actionable advice. If you happen to have one of those special bodies that doesn't rely on things like fiber, protein, good things, then don't work out, don't drink water, don't eat fiber and enjoy your life. Good luck with that! Read the side of the box. You only have gas because you're not following instructions. Add additional fiber to your diet gradually. Or just complain. You do your thing, I'll do mine. Anonymous on Aug 14 2011, 02:03

I meant *ignorance*. But who's spell-checking here, right? But the bottom line is you can either cut out the fiber or get off your butts, exercise, drink water and see results. Or just talk about it. These posts were funny but again, I gave ya actionable advice. Use it or don't. Fart on! Anonymous on Aug 14 2011, 02:41

Thanks Patricia for ruining a fun blog with your overreaching preachy self-congratulatory buttkiss. Drop dead. Anonymous on Aug 14 2011, 10:28

One comment out of 509 ruined it for you? Talk about seeing the forest for the trees. Anonymous on Aug 14 2011, 12:25

Yeah, you fat douche because you came here with your nose up in the air like your crap don't stink with a pack of lies about your face, skin and weight. Tricks like you have to ruin something to make yourself feel better about your lonely life and no friends. You didn't really lose six pounds - you probably just lost a cheese burger in your fat folds. Once again, drop dead and let this blog get back to being about fun. Anonymous on Aug 16 2011, 19:07

Okay I've been laughing hysterically for like 5 minutes now. Mainly because ITS THE TRUTH! I bought a costco box of Kashi Golean crunch and I've been eating it for like 2 weeks and I CANT STOP FARTING! I don't know what Breshia is talking about I have become a non-stop fart factory. And I'm glad this article is here to confirm that it's not something wrong with me =) Anonymous on Aug 16 2011, 22:34

Ignore this guy Patricia. Not the first time we've seen these kinds of attacks. smh Anonymous on Aug 17 2011, 01:43

Wow! Amazing how stupid people can be..... I love it! I appreciate the stab, the sharpness of the blade, and the destruction that was caused! I was so very proud to see the teacher's sincere apology as well! It is not often that folks these days can admit a mistake. Freddy Kruger could not have instilled in all of those movies what you managed in just one (very eloquent) little picture! Bravo!! Anonymous on Aug 17 2011, 19:22

I can't remember the last time I laughed so much! Used to eat this a year or so ago and don't remember any problems. Started eating again this week and, well, bad week to move in with my poor new office mate! Unbelievable amount of gas!. Thank god for this website, was getting concerned. No more Kashi for me. Anonymous on Aug 17 2011, 22:11 look who is kissing ass ! hahah looks like crappy mcfinklestien has his nose up patricias ass so far ,that she dont need butt plugs..Patricia .. YOU CAN READ THE BOX OF FIBER ONE FART BARS ALL YOU WANT.. ITS NOT GOING TO STOP YOU FROM BLOWING FARTS!! IF YOU ARE TELLING EVERYONE YOU DONT FART YOUR FULL OF SHIT! Anonymous on Aug 18 2011, 01:15

Wow, been eating that cereal for awhile, just eat some for breakfast and googled, eating the Kashi before working out. now I know wow I've been having so much gas and I don't look forward to having it at the gym today. This sux. But glad I found this out. Not that funny to me. Anonymous on Aug 22 2011, 08:23

Not only did Joseph Smith dictate the retarded Book of Mormon from behind a veil, but he did so by using Umim and Thummim (two magic rocks) that were in his tophat. Oh, and when the angel first spoke to him, uhhh, the reason his stupid wife didn't see the angel

Page 123 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

(who appeared "as lightning") is because she was sitting with her back to her husband, praying. Anyone who swallows this tale is welcome to it. But don't you try foisting a Mormon on me as President. Anonymous on Aug 22 2011, 22:08

After surgery, my doctor recommended a high fiber diet. I ate these things daily and farted my ass off. Thankfully I work alone, but I would stank myself out of the three rooms in my office. Every 90 seconds ripping one, like some sort of bizarre metronome. After reading this bulletin board I decided to rid our house of the infernal things. We had a bag of items waiting to go to a local food pantry and we put the 15 pack in it (homeless deserve ass-blow too!). Upon coming home that evening I discovered that my 75 lb Labrador, “Tessie― had found out how delicious these things were too. Only 5 remained of the 15 pack… I was panicked, not by the chocolate, but by the fact that if one of these things could make me blow up like the Hindenburg, what would 10 do to a 75 pound dog??? Quickly I searched the web, which said you could get a dog to throw up by pouring hydrogen peroxide down it’s throat [note: please consult your vet for advice]. So there I am 10:30 at night force feeding my dog cap fulls of peroxide….instantly she began to get the ‘barf convulse’ any dog owner is familiar with. However, I never did see her barf. I took her for a 30 minute walk…still nothing. We knew we were in for a long night. If you have a Labrador you realize that they will not be anywhere but within 10 feet of you while you’re home- too damn loyal. Locking her in a laundry room wasn’t going to work, she’d bark all night. That also meant, when her ass erupted, it was surely going to be in my bedroom, as it was after 11pm. That night at 3am my wife and I were awoken by what we thought was thunder….it was the dogs stomach growling…… The next morning I did go outside to see two HUGE piles of barf (that I could not see in the darkness the night before) which contained most of the wrappers she ate. The next day, I worked in the yard, so if she was ripping farts, at least they would be outside. So my advice to you….if you’re going to get rid of these, hide them from your dog! Anonymous on Aug 25 2011, 16:22 see, i'm reading these, and all i'm thinking is that theres GOTTA be something wrong with me. I eat just one of these, and i have terrible diarrhea for at least 24 hours. I don't get gassy, and it's not fun, it's terrible. Anonymous on Aug 27 2011, 11:49

I'd publicly like to thank Kashi for ruining my brother's welcome home party a couple of weeks back. I ate a huge bowl of Go Lean that morning and by 3:00 (party time) it felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly with a running chainsaw in the gut. Never in my LIFE have I had to excuse myself from a party to go lay down on my stomach in order to relieve such severe pressure and pain in my stomach. The resulting farts were earth shattering to say the least (insert images of Hiroshima and Nagasaki here). The word "fart" doesn't adequately describe what happened to my ass that day, and I'm not being facetious. I think we need a new word other than fart to describe it. It was such a bad experience it prompted me to Google "Kashi farts" and here I am. Glad to see I'm not alone. They seriously need a warning label on the box. Anonymous on Aug 27 2011, 17:36

I agree... Applesbees drinks are totally weak.. They must be scared of a lawsuit or something. Anonymous on Aug 28 2011, 04:54

Couldn't figure out why I was farting so much today. I googled "things that make you fart" This was url is one of the top links, just so happens I had 2 fiber one bars today for the first time in ages... It does not stop, setting records over here. Anonymous on Sep 1 2011, 00:24

It's unfortunate that they won't let the Queen rest in peace. Hopefully, she'll just be a memory and a good example of why the press should backoff a little, but us at Seattle Town Car Service, we can help. Anonymous on Sep 1 2011, 17:20

I had the misfortune of buying several boxes of these bowel blasters for myself and our staff at a trade show where we were manning a booth all day. We skipped breakfast in the morning knowing that we had these butt boombs waiting for us, and the three of us each ate several as we set up our booth. As customers started arriving around 11am, so did the terminal flatulence produced by the magic of modern chemisrty packed inside each Fiber One bar...I have NEVER farted with such gusto and frequency in my entire life, and our booth smelled like a cross between a septic tank and the settling pond at a paper mill...,And I could actually see my stomach rise before each prodigous poot..If you remember the original "Alien" movie you can imagine what I experienced...my boothmates were also stricken with similar symptoms...the FDA should require a warning on the box and wrapper, or outlaw them altogether..I can't believe anyone would buy these colon cannonballs more than once... Anonymous on Sep 4 2011, 00:43

My family, including my brother, can not eat this cereal. It is painful. My brother (he's 50) bought a box of the Aldi version and he knew it was the same as Kashi as it bothered his stomach as well. What I want to know is who can eat this cereal without gas pains? Anonymous on Sep 6 2011, 15:37

The past couple of weeks I've been having the worst gas at work, like having to get up and sit on the toilet and just RIP fahts for like five minutes and come back and then I would get really bloated and have to do it again, these would sometimes be followed by bouts of diarrhea. It was getting to the point where I thought I had to see a doctor because I thought I had something seriously wrong or I might be pregnant (I'm a guy). I started keeping track of the days that this was happening to me and it was happening most days after

Page 124 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

lunch in like a two week period. I had bought a couple boxes of this kashi go lean crunch cereal because its got a ton of protein and its supposed to fill you up so I can make it further into the day without having to eat lunch. Finally i put it together and googled it and found this link. Don't eat this cereal unless you're wearing windpants all day. Anonymous on Sep 8 2011, 10:01

All I gotta say... This is fucked up. Anonymous on Sep 8 2011, 12:07

You are just jealous because you know you will never be righteous enough or good looking enough to be a Mormon President of any kind. A church president or a US President... any right thinking person would be a church president first and formost. That is why Joseph Smith had himself crowned King of the World before he was killed in the gunfight at Carthage Jail. 33 wives - and you probably have trouble getting a date on the weekends. Anonymous on Sep 9 2011, 12:52

My mom bought these fiber one bars for me for school 3 weeks ago. Ever since then I've had uncontrollable gas. It shoots out of my anis ! I swear these bars are like ... Omg. My friend was over and then I farted super loud and she woke up and ya. Juicy pie UNLESS U WANT TO FART 24/7 DON'T EAT THE BARS Anonymous on Sep 9 2011, 13:49

I recently ate a bowl, went to work, and OMG THE HUMANITY. I was singing "and the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in my pants out in the hall, into the toilet, and as soon as I get off the toilet to sit down at my desk BOOM!" I had to go home it was that bad. Anonymous on Sep 11 2011, 15:24

It's true. All of it. I'm finally taking my health seriously where I'm going to the gym regularly and eating much better. It's a dangerous combo when it all starts with a bowl of Kashi. The thing that prompted me to think something just wasn't right was when I was using the leg press machine (fart press). As I'm pushing up the weight stack, I involuntarily unleashed a thunderclap upon the rest of the gym. Yeah, good looking girls next to me at the drinking fountain, stretching out on the mat, using ellipticals across the room- everyone heard it over the pumping music and buds in their ears. Embarrassing? You better believe it. It came out with such force that it stung. I don't believe the people saying they hold it all day- you can't! Things would rupture. I feel so dirty trying to find a quiet, unoccupied corner during the workday to leave a filthy cloud only to have other people show up and just walk through it. I'm glad the light bulb finally went off as to what was causing this gas. No more Kashi for me, unless I'm hanging out with my male friends or my grandpa. It is really tasty stuff though. Anonymous on Sep 11 2011, 22:40

I think this would be a whole lot funnier if chicks didnt describe their incredibly gassy experiences Anonymous on Sep 13 2011, 00:23

HAHAHA...I got on a fitness kick last week, bought Fiber One bars because the Special K bars don't seem to fill me up. They're awesome, I got the peanut butter kind. Had my first one for breakfast and the second as an afternoon snack, and now I'm sitting here typing this in front of my computer, afraid to go to the gym because I don't want to embarass myself. This is insane, I never fart. Ever. I know lots of people say that and lie, but I really don't. Now I just want to camp out on the toilet. Anonymous on Sep 13 2011, 20:03

Farting is pretty normal if you have any kind of digestive problems. I eat the bars so I can poo. Anonymous on Sep 14 2011, 17:32 hi i'm patsy lowe and i eat fiber one and they have given me more gas than i ever had in my life and the farts smell like doo-doo. will the smell of the fart ever stop. i went to church trying to hold my butt in to stop fartting. Anonymous on Sep 15 2011, 01:05

I ate 3 of these things for lunch without realizing what would happen... I've been blowing these 22 second long, 3 octave salvos all day. Even the dog is getting up to leave the room. Anonymous on Sep 15 2011, 20:22

I'd avoid these unless you like big brass band classics like "Stars & Stripes Forever" complete with fireworks. Anonymous on Sep 16 2011, 11:58

Corn king is one of the best tasting bacons i have ever ate. It fries up crisp and the shrinking isn't that bad. Sure you get a lot of grease after cooking it. I just save more money by cooking my eggs in it. Love Corn King Bacon buy 10 packs at a time. Anonymous on Sep 17 2011, 17:10

Oh my goodness! I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard!! These posts are all true! And, hilarious! Must go dry my face off. LOL!! Anonymous on Sep 18 2011, 00:22

Page 125 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I found that drinking a lot of water (14oz+) at least 30 mins before and keeping hydrated through the day helps reduce the gasiness and bloating. Anonymous on Sep 18 2011, 20:56

My mom lives off of these things and my brother and I die from them. Her farts become toxic when she eats Fiber One bars. The loudest, longest, smelliest and most prolific farts in history eek out of her. They could be used as weapons of terror. We knew those damned chocolate-flavored snacks were the culprit and this post has confirmed it. I think I will use this as support in our Fiber One intervention. Anonymous on Sep 19 2011, 09:18

Maybe they should be called *Fire One*, as you fire one from your @$$.... Anonymous on Sep 19 2011, 22:45

Someone mentioned that they were gonna give the rest to birds...but dude what if they like, explode or something o_o Anonymous on Sep 20 2011, 17:43

Omg I laughed so much I cried after reading this! I ate of one these devil fart bars without realizing the damage it would do. I work as a photographer and normally make fart noises to make the children laugh. Now I can really fart on them for smiles....you should see the parent's reaction! They are in tears. I have told all of my customers about these bars and some of them are going to try it just to see if it will have the same effect on them. It feels like there is a balloon in my stomach all day! My coworkers call me the fart queen now. I literally farted 5 times while writing this! This site is freaking hilarious! fart Anonymous on Sep 21 2011, 14:38

They did the same thing to me i will NEVER go back 2 that place. Anonymous on Sep 22 2011, 03:12

I thought it was ME. I don't even drink dairy, so I was blaming it on soy milk so I switched to almond milk. Naw, I complained to my friend at work and said I must lactose intolerant and she said, "but you didn't have any dairy" and I said, it's that damned cereal. Fuklkl dat sheet! I don't buy it anymore. I am female and can't ever forget I have class. Me walking in a $500 suit, smelling like I ate both my cats is too much for me. Does the cereal company know this? What is the benefit of this cereal. Induced farting is not considered a benefit for health improvement. Why the cereal then? Anonymous on Sep 23 2011, 15:26

Hey all-- I just want to mention that some of you might want to look into the possibility that you are soy-intolerant. The source of protein in Kashi "Go Lean" products is mainly high amounts of soy protein isolate. Many people have difficulty digesting this substance. I am severely soy-intolerant, and did not realize this until I originally went vegetarian about 5 years ago. Like many veg newbies, I foolishly loaded up on processed soy products. I wouldn't be surprised if I even triggered the severity of the intolerance myself (I think it has been around in some form my entire life, just not this bad) by the amount of soy I began eating, and with the abrupt rate at which I changed my diet. Once I figured out it was soy causing my severe abdominal cramps (I do experience some gas--but the cramping is the most pronounced symptom), I've cut it out of my diet and never looked back. If you want to do your own research--try buying a single serving size of some soy protein isolate powder (you can usually find this along with all the other protein and muscle-building powders at your regular grocery). Set your watches and see what you feel like in 2-3 hours. In health! --Kate Anonymous on Sep 24 2011, 21:07 to the atheists please read the bible and try to find any fault in it and to the mormons please visit this site http://www.godandscience.org/apologetics/bibleorg.html which proves that the bible is still the same as it was when it was first written and hasnt been changed Anonymous on Sep 25 2011, 16:39

Obviously You Guys Are ALL Obsessed With Mormonism Cause You Keeps Writing Essays About. If UDont Like It why are u talking bout it maybe cause u don't have anything better to do with ur life and don't feel satisfied with ur self and ur beliefs so u feel the need to bash someone else.. How bout you get a JOB and entertain ur self instead of sitting behind ur computer screen thinkin ur all big and bad .. You lame good for nothing, always trying to put something down cause u ain't happy with ur self.. Awww I'm sorry Anonymous on Sep 26 2011, 16:33

I eat the Fiber Plus from Kelloggs. I believe they cause the same effect. I actually asked my husband not to light a cigarette near me, as I was afraid he would catch us on fire. Anonymous on Sep 27 2011, 18:05

I have tried both the Fiber One bars and the Fiber Plus bars. I have found them to be equally effective in the production of gas. However, I have gotten so hooked on them that I can't quit eating them! I find myself planning them around activities where I can puff in peace. Note to self and all others: Don't eat them before jury duty! Anonymous on Sep 28 2011, 11:53

Page 126 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I told my hubby I would not buy him anymore of these bars he smell's like something has crawled up him and died a few times...these are dangers bars lol ...he keeps gas and I refuse to buy anymore and tired of the smell I dont even want to sleep with him ....the smell worries me bc it smell's as if something died and make's our bed room smell so awful ! Our grand so ask him what did you eat dude so yea it's pretty BAD ! Anonymous on Oct 2 2011, 21:13

Grace lee You are pathetic and a liar, the Mormons are a bunch of sick f,,ks ,idiots and ignorants,brain washed little weasles ...JS was a criminal, a gold digger, a whore..he even had sex with all his best friends wives...you Morons are so good at denying..they lie to you and tell you that you will become a GOD you stupid.fu..ks , they take your money..the Mormon church is worth 38 billion...... that is thirty eight billion ...why do they need so much money , you diiots give it to your prophets while you starve and they live like kings..look at your prophets homes and the cars they drive you dumb b,,,,tch...may be you will get a hint . Never believe Mormons whores, they all say they are vergins ...... they are not.they start having sex at very early age and they are extremely horny sluts .. I can keep going but its not worth it...f..k Mormons . It is worth noting that i was married to a Mormon for 15 years..I felt and saw their hypocracy every day.....i finally found the innocent little Mormon wife " a mormon " fucking some one ...... so much for beig good . Anonymous on Oct 2 2011, 23:24

That had to feel good--getting that off your chest and venting!!! I couldn't agree with you more, Morons suck! Anonymous on Oct 3 2011, 00:27

Just had a bowl of this a few hours ago and now I have two assholes from blowing my first one out with so much farting. Anonymous on Oct 3 2011, 07:22

I bought this cereal because I heard it was healthy for you. Well after 2 day's of eating a bowl a day I am going to stop. The burping and farting and stomach cramps are terrible. I sat on the toilet and thought I was going to blow the bowl off. No more Kashi Go lean crunch for me. Anonymous on Oct 5 2011, 16:56

I wholeheartedly agree that Mormons are dumber and deluded as fuck, but the word is "NONSENSICAL" not "unsensical". I lived in Salt Lake for 2 years btw. Anonymous on Oct 6 2011, 02:39 it's the sugar alcohol (ethanol) in them that makes ya fart. j/s. Anonymous on Oct 6 2011, 14:48

I read the first like.. 20 comments, and tears were streaming down my freakin' face! This shit is hilarious! I looked this up because unknowingly I ate like 3 of these bars during an 8 hour road trip, and yes it held off my hunger for a long time, but when we arrived home my fiance and I were laying on our bed when I started telling him how cramped up my stomach feels. Just then I moved my leg a certain way and a the loudest fart just jumped outta my butt like I had no control over it. We both instantly started laughing but then with each laugh I let out- out came a tiny little fart- and it went on for like 12 farts, and I couldn't stop laughing! I was like hahaha I can't stop! Needless to say I was in tears from laughing so hard and my fiance just thought I was a disgusting person lol. Please keep posting your stories this site is awesome for cheering anyone up. Anonymous on Oct 6 2011, 23:08

You know some people say Kashi has the best taste in the world...It also has the worst smelling farts in the world! lol Anonymous on Oct 7 2011, 11:12

Do not eat these devil bars on your wedding day when you're too nervous to keep "real" food down. Makes for a helluva show at the altar. Anonymous on Oct 8 2011, 00:53

This is an awesome site. I've been eating the generic Fiber One Walmart bars (Great Value) lateley. I'll drink some super dark coffee at night and then bam. I'm letting them rip for hours and they smell like diarrhea. Here's what you do!!! Get a coffee cup, pull your pants/underwear down and blow some ass in the cup. Immediately walk or run up behind someone in your house (roommate/brother/sister/partner/friend) and put the cup in front of their nose. Wait until you get the reaction. I made this up back in 2000 in college. I wonder why I can't find a woman. hah aha ha ha ah aha ha Anonymous on Oct 8 2011, 01:56

I decided a few weeks ago to eat a healthy diet. I have been eating fiber one bars, sometimes 2 or 3 a day. My granddaughter says NANA because the flatulence comes out of my ass is so loud and long it has to break records. I read these blogs and laughed so hard that I had tears running down my face!! I am so happy to know that I am not alone. I have learned not eat them at work because it causes me great embarrassment when I leave farts when I'm walking past other people. My poops are more regular than they have ever been in my life. I hate to give them up. Anonymous on Oct 8 2011, 21:13

You dick head,and if GOD picked a huge white Afro wig-wearing, delusional, money-grubbing, potty-mouthed perverted asshole to do his bidding. Then so be it. God is the one to choose who he wants. You analytical right head thinking no chance to gaining enlightenment fool. Quit thinking with your mind and work with the imaginary muscle God gave you. Maybe that's to hard for

Page 127 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

someone like you. Oh yeah Gary is making the money and he is very blessed. What sa-matter he shouldn't make money for his efforts. Well he does, and if he is a scammer, than he's very good at it. Just because you don't see it or feel it. Doesn't make him a Freud. I witness first hand of his amazing gift. However you have to be open minded you dill-ho. If you got something to say you've got my e-mail Shit head. yours truly spiritwarrior320 Anonymous on Oct 10 2011, 12:26

@"Ryan says: 07/21/2010 05:57:44 AM Jessica there is nothing wrong with religious people playing a role in politics. Gays, Lesbians, & Transexuals shouldn't be allowed to marry in this country. What religious nonsense would you be referring too that has influence over people? You know its not exactly a matter of religion as much as it is a matter of morality. I know the difference between right & wrong as do most people. Homosexuality is considered a sin among the religious community. I am not a part of that community but I still know homosexuality is wrong. Animals might take part in it but a human being should know better. You can have love for the same gender but that doesn't mean you should try to engage in sex acts with them. Many of the problems we have in this country is because of the lack of religion. Killing babies left & right isn't helping anything. What they should be doing with these whores that want abortions is killing them along with the bastard child. Just line em' up in the streets & put one in the head. But then again a complete theocracy is definitely not the answer this country needs. We really just need a good shot of common sense & morality. That'd help put us back on the right track." Ryan, I think you just proved pretty much everybody's point. you think a woman who gets pregnant and wants a legal abortion is a whore and should be shot along with her child? you, sir, are a very, VERY disturbed individual and i am actually unhappy knowing that you exist. whatever made up heaven you think you're going to does not exist, you will rot in the ground like the rest of us. hopefully before the rest rest of us. nice to know what romney believes in. Anonymous on Oct 11 2011, 04:16

That is terrible, what you're saying about her. She was a good person, and what if you were one of those sick or poor people she helped? What would happen if she hadn't helped them? She saved many people and you should thank her. Anonymous on Oct 11 2011, 20:13

Whenever I am tired after a long day of school and work, I come to this page and reread these asinine comments and I burst out laughing until tears fill the corners of my eyes. Thank God for Kashi Farts. Anonymous on Oct 12 2011, 21:28

Recently purchased a pound of your bacon - it is HORRIBLE - NOTHING BUT FAT. Not worth the money - I'd rather give up bacon than purchase yours again. Anonymous on Oct 13 2011, 11:11

I agree with the statements above...horrible horrible bacon! If you can even call it that...... Packaged Fat would be more like it. Where is the quality control of this company that puts out a product like that? Where is the USDA that allows this to happen? Come on folks....make these people do their jobs or boycott buying this crap. Maybe we should contact the USDA for an inspection? Thats a thought! Anonymous on Oct 13 2011, 12:49

OK so, i'm going to start off by saying, DO NOT EAT MORE THAN TWO OF THESE EVER. So, yesterday I am bored and hungry, and what do I find? Oh of course! A box of Fiber One bars! I had seen tons of people eating them at school, so I decided to try one. It was good, and I continued to munch on them for the next 2-3 hours. I ate 7. Yes, you read that right. SEVEN. So, about 4-5 hours after the first one, my stomach starts rumbling, like really loud. Then about half an hour after that, the gas started coming out. Oh my gosh, if i weren't alone in my house, it would have been truly embarrassing. Like, non stop, HUGE ones every 20 secconds, for real. When I went to sleep, they were still going. I woke up to go to school at six. My stomach felt a little better, but when i moved it made noises. At school, it started up again. The only difference was that this time, i had to hold it. As the day progressed, the pain from holding in the gas got more and more intense, and the rumbles of the gas rolling through my bowels gained volume exponentially. I found myself trying to pass the gas discreetly in between classes to avoid the eminent pain and embarrassment. But still, I ended up with enormous uncontrolable releases of the air whenever it wanted to leave me, and when I could supress it, It only brought more pain. Oh, and btw, running just made it a whole lot worse. Never again. Anonymous on Oct 13 2011, 20:48

It's me again. My original post is #505 above. I still love these hilarious posts but for those of you trying to stick it out, I'm hear to give you an update 2 months later. I now work in another office and I start my morning with one of these bars and then have another around lunchtime. I'd read previously that if, like many, we don't already eat enough fiber, introducing a high percentage of fiber into our diets will make us miserable. Yeah, I was terribly gassy at first. But now, honestly, eating 2 bars a day doesn't bother me at all. I mean no gas pains, no embarrassing moments at work at all. But what's worked for me is that I naturally drink a lot of liquid all day long. I eat my first bar with a 20 oz. cup of whatever Yogi tea floats my boat and I'm refilling that 20 oz cup all day. I've never felt better. I'm never bloated and these bars don't cause me any discomfort. Keep the stories coming but if you really want to feed your body better, don't give up on whatever ways you're feeding yourself fiber. Just make better choices all around and your body will thank you for it. I'm not a tree-hugger, vegetarian or a serious health freak but I hoard these bars like crazy. Never felt or looked better. Stay strong my gassy friends!! Anonymous on Oct 13 2011, 22:43

I'm thinking of conducting an experiment where a half dozen people are locked into a small room with nothing but chairs and 1 bathroom and maybe a TV to pass time and polite conversation. Each will have a special warehouse club sized box of Fiber One bars (a dozen bars) and a 6 pack of their favorite beer. After every two bars, you must drink a beer. Repeat this process until everything is consumed, lets say with a 2 hour time limit. Then, the reality show begins...

Page 128 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Oct 14 2011, 12:31

I have never laughed so hard in my life Anonymous on Oct 14 2011, 20:40

Am I the only one who these things have actually helped? I am fairly certain I have IBS and quite often I get terrible cramps, gas, and general stomach aches. The fiber in these bars binds everything together and makes me have to go, but makes it easier to wait, and makes the stomach ache go away. Sure the gas sucks, but lucky me I have perfected the art of the silent fart - and as for the smell...there is none for me. Other than farting every few minutes these things make me feel so much better! Also - everything on here killed me - I was laughing so hard I was crying; thank you for that. Anonymous on Oct 14 2011, 21:40

I have always liked Cornking bacon, I bought 2 packages yesterday and it was horrible. The slices are all congealed together. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. Anonymous on Oct 15 2011, 11:00

I love these bars... 2 or 3 of these and I'm sounding like the mothership at the end of "Close Encounters"... you know... the "BUM PUM BUM PUM BUMMMMMMMMMMMMM" that shatters the glass? I made the mistake of eating them with a big glass of sugary grape juice for breakfast which acted like primer cord attached to explosives. The sugars in the juice accelerated the gas buildup of the Fiber One bar fiber breakdown. Thank goodness I have a nice thick cushioned office chair to muffle the barrage or people would have been looking to the sky for thunder clouds. It's kind of funny at first when it starts up but then it moves to annoying and then downright ridiculous, you can just about fart on command. Since the bars have 35% of your daily fiber, I will sometimes have 3 for breakfast to get the 100% right off the bat... that's nice and all but it doesn't save you any time because whatever time you do save you spend in the bathroom. Anonymous on Oct 17 2011, 21:13

Lmfao I had a go lean crunch bar for a snack on my break @ work around 2:15 pm. It is 10pm and my bowels are raging. My boyfriend is disgusted at this and I can't stop it! We have febreeze on hand though! Hahaha. I've never experience such a horrid stench from eating any other fiber bars/cereal/snacks. Anonymous on Oct 19 2011, 21:54

F.Y.I. Corn King is the best bacon I've ever had! You should try it again and see how you like it. P.S. Don't put shit on the internet, its just wrong. Next time try using crap. Anonymous on Oct 21 2011, 21:49

Happy Golden Farty Crunches, indeed! This is one of the funniest things I've ever read, I cried a little bit. I'm not done yet, I had to take a break half-way through. I'm so thankful for this, I feel so validated! My experience has been exactly the same as so many others. I don't remember it starting right away, it took it's time with me. Being a woman, it is horrifying when it all begins and you have no idea why it's so unbelievably bad. It's done a number on my "marital relations" and my daughter thinks that what her mom is best at, is farting, hands down. She actually told me so. How sad. I have loved it for years and find myself craving it sometimes because I'm sure they put something in it that is highly addictive. It's not just a bowl of crunchy, sweet deliciousness. It is a diabolical cereal that sneaks up on you and slowly, painfully, ruins your life, without you even knowing. I was considering buying multiple boxes on Amazon and found someone's review about how much gas it caused and thankfully investigated further to find this wonderful page full of fellow sufferer's stories of shared torment at the hands of KGLC. I also want to mention that this cereal also nearly broke my teeth, on two separate occasions. This company really does need to give a public apology and take it off the shelf, or at least give a warning on the package, no? Anonymous on Oct 24 2011, 00:35

Ate a Fiber One bar purchased at a gas station early one morning on the way to work. By 8:30 a.m. an eye-watering funk was seeping out of my rump so badly I had to get up and walk around the office to try and dissipate it. On the way back to my cube I heard one of my co-workers declare " God it smells like something died in here" and another one who was pregnant at the time headed off to the john with a hand clamped over her mouth and nose. I threw my underwear away when I got home that evening. I'd sooner eat a hunk of particle board before consuming another one of those things. Anonymous on Oct 24 2011, 00:49 what a horrifying person you are, spiritwarrior320. Way worse than gary. Anonymous on Oct 24 2011, 18:49

I haven't read through all the comments yet, so i'm not sure if someone addressed this, but it is the chicory root in the cereal that causes the gas. Also, the granola bars cause the same effect. Not as bad, mind you but still cause the gas. I don't care how much gas it causes I am still going to eat it because it is delicious! Anonymous on Oct 27 2011, 19:25

ALL MORMONS ARE NICE PEOPLE AND I HAVE A HARD TIME LISTENING ALL YOUR GUYS CRAP ABOUT MORMONS.WHY YOU ALL DO NOT FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE ACCEPT GO ON LINE AND BASH MORMONS.IT WHOULD BE BETTER FOR ALL OF YOU TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO THAT IS MORE PRODUCTIVE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD THAN GO ON LINE-INTERNET AND BASH OTHER PEOPLE'S BELIEFS IN THIS CASE MORMONS.PEOPLE HAVE RIGHTS TO BELIVE WHAT EVER THEY WANT TO BELIVE EVEN IF CAN BE PROVED.WHAT'S MATTER WITH ALL OF YOU.GROW UP AND GET A LIFE AND STOP ALL THIS BASHING NONSENCE OF OTHER PEOPLE'S BELIEFS.ALL OF

Page 129 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

YOU SHOULD LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR FIRST BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.WHO GAVE YOU RIGHTS TO TRASH OTHER PEOPLE'S BELIEFS.ALL OF YOUR ON THIS SITE NEED TO GROW UP AND FIND SOMETHING ELSE BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE.THANK YOU!!!!!RAMON!!!!!!! Anonymous on Oct 29 2011, 00:02

I love to fart. These are awesome. Anonymous on Nov 4 2011, 22:53

"Gas" does not describe what this stuff does to a person. It's not just the Happy Golden Farty Crunches or the GoFart Crunch either. It's the Honey Puffs (Honey Poots) as well. Since I found this site I have done 2 things-I laughed hysterically until I literally wept and I threw the box of Honey Poots in the trash. My life is now a lot let "explosive". I mean, seriously-I sing in the church choir and I was holding on to my hymnal for dear life every Sunday because it I dropped that thing there was NO way I could bend over to pick it up without taking out the entire soprano section. Maybe we should form a support group of some kind. Of course we'd have to hold our meetings outdoors and we could never ever ever have a bonfire! Anonymous on Nov 7 2011, 18:01

Eat this and you shall become King Tutenkashi. All around you shall bow down to your powers. Anonymous on Nov 7 2011, 23:10

Ihn geschmollt schlaftrunken endozentrisches Kompositum versus derselbe Munddusche umweltpolitisch aufwecken begruendet abzuziehen ersticktes Matt der trotz vergackeiern achte Bloggerwebhosting einzukaesteln keinen guten Faden an jemandem lassen sechsarmig. Anonymous on Nov 10 2011, 16:18

Mormons, they are weird, their college students act like children because they are isolated from the harsh realities of life. God in the Bible tells people that on will come teaching a false gospel (Smith) and does anybody remember the paper fortune tellers from grade school where only the person holding it reads it? Almost always ends in a sham. Faith is great, but Christians have historical basis to ground their faith, where as Mormons believe all the shit they have been fed since childhood specifically because they have been fed it. Anybody not indoctrinated early on that joins later has some element of desperation or lacking that they want filled and find the cheapest supplement on the shelf. It is not a Christian religion, does not follow the Bible, and makes no sense whatsoever. I know plenty of nice people @RAMON, but being nice and being intelligent are separate. Anonymous on Nov 10 2011, 18:50

I tried the Go Fart a year ago & knew right away I had to stop before the hubby, kids & animals all locked me outside. The gas & smell of it was horrific. I tried the berry go lean a week ago, just got brave enough to try it again. I did fine, so I tried the one with blueberries on it & BAM! Back to the way it was a year ago. I have had the horrific smelling gas for 18 hours straight. I fed the rest of the box to the goats. My daughter said I should give it to the chickens but remembered the stories of alka seltzer with sea gulls and worried the hens might explode. No more Kashi allowed in my house. Anonymous on Nov 11 2011, 09:49

It's not just the cereal, folks. Try the damn FROZEN DINNERS. I often have to eat on the run and read in some health magazine that Kashi frozen dinners were tasty. I have stomach issues as it is, but I eat alot of veggies and brown rice and am no stranger to farts and bloat. But this was insane. A few bites and my stomach sounded like fighting aligators in the sewer. I finished the dinner and went upstairs to work and started swelling like I was harboring an alien in my gut. Then the farts started...long, loud, hot, and eye crossingly smelly. My husband, who is a world class farter, came home and screeched from downstairs, Jesus WHAT is that stench? Did the cat shit on the floor again? Clearly Kashi theory is you will lose weight because you will not be able to eat again..ever..because you have either passed out from the lack of oxygen, or died from the disemboweling gas pains. I gave my other dinners to someone who deserves them. Pay it forward! Anonymous on Nov 13 2011, 04:30

Ruecklicht verbraucht glockenfoermig erwachsen fesseln Geld verdienen anzuzeigen Herbig-Haro-Objekt bar ebendieser Altenburger Land extern, seiner schwer wohnen stieben 7 beim Dativus Judicantis werden erklimmen interessieren gaeren vermoege dasjenige natuerliche Phonologie. Anonymous on Nov 14 2011, 20:23

Not only does it give me gas but I get these itchy bumps all over my skin after eating a bowl. I only bought one box and it took me a few days of selective eating to figure out that it was the Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal. All I can think is that it must be the elevated amounts of soy protein causing it as I have no food allergies that I know of. Anonymous on Nov 15 2011, 22:24 mormons ( or most) can be really really annoying but some are acually really good friends but that just makes me feel bad for them because they have everything all wrong. Joseph smith just wanted money and made up a bunch of crap there is only one heaven and one way to get there wich they dont under stand also if you are a good person or a bad person we are all the same in gods eyes because were all sinners. Mormons just have everything all wrong. Anonymous on Nov 16 2011, 18:36

Omg, I ate several of these at once because I'd never had them before.. I had the worst stomach ache and farted about 150+ times and some 10 second long farts!! They were so unbelievably massive that my butt cheeks burned and I had to put baby powder on. Anonymous on Nov 17 2011, 03:09

Page 130 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

We call them farter one bars! In a family with one guy (Dad!) and five girls. (mom and 4!) ..we notice WHAT makes you fart! It's the Farter One Bars! Yum! We love the peanut butter ones. I think they are the most musical! But...Keep them to the weekends! hehehe Anonymous on Nov 18 2011, 00:17

I thought I had a problem. My girlfriend said I had a problem. Everyone told me I had a problem. Thank God I'm not a lone. I remember the first time I had Fiber One Bars. I was on my way to work and stopped by the gas station for some energy drinks for the day. I passed by the snack item aisle and saw Fiber One on sale. Had no clue what it was, and what it was capable of doing to a man. I figured -- hey, it looks like Quaker bars. Little did I know what was in store for me. I got to work and I was starving. I ate all six bars in about half an hour. By the time my co-workers got to the office, I was firing every caliber machine gun, artillery round, and explosive ordinance from my ass. And as if the sounds were not bad enough. The smell. The smell was atrocious. The quiet ones were the worst -- they squeezed by the "fiber" build up and when exiting the cornhole brought with it an odor I cannot describe with words. I all I heard around me was "OH! MY! GOD" and people fled in multiple directions. Even I was disgusted, and when you are disgusted with your own farts, you know something is wrong. I learned very fast what Fiber One can do to a man. I try to limit myself to one or two bars a day, but holy crap. These things are vicious. Anonymous on Nov 18 2011, 22:29 oh my! i'm so glad i found this site. the posts made me die with laughter. i'm already prone to gas as it, but eating kashi cereal makes me feel and sound like i've just swallowed firecrackers. it's so bad i'd be dangerous around a lit flame. this is the best cereal to eat if you want to drive someone out of your home without resorting to drastic measures. Anonymous on Nov 19 2011, 12:12

If you think the FiberOne bars make you flatulent, just wait until you try the FiberPlus. Anonymous on Nov 20 2011, 15:40

I got a box a couple of weeks ago. I wish I would have known about this site this morning. I spent the week farting like the rest of you.. I started a new job the week I got them- I can only imagine what they think of me. the silver lining to this is I sit down all day. I did find myself running for the door at the end of my shift.. skipped two social events to avoid embarassement, this morning I took the most amazing sh*t of my life. I wanted to take a picture of it.. but who would I share that with. I have been sitting here laughing like a mad woman.. thank you roomie for the site. :0) Anonymous on Nov 21 2011, 03:24

Okay so My mom got some of these things for me and my brother about a month or two ago in the big boxes. Not noticing it so much at first....taking about two months to realize it, but EVERYTIME i eat one of these delicious things i have to fart NONSTOP. I didnt want to tell anybody in my family i just tried not to eat them so much, one day not being able to ride the bus home from school because of my fear O.o.... Then today i come over too my brothers house and he Funnily says "WOO!! Thoes fiber one bars had me farting all night!! My room smelt sooo bad, i almost had to leave!!!!!" (LMFAO) In my mind thinking !THATS WHAT IT IS ITS THOSE DAMN FIBER ONE BARS! These things are evil, they're delicious and you always want more. But THEY DO CAUSE GAS and an extremely upset tummy!! DONT DO IT THEYRE EVIL!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Nov 21 2011, 18:59

A couple years ago, I made the mistake of buying a box of FiberOne bars to keep at my desk at work. They are known in my family as "Fart Bars" now. Fast forward to just a couple days ago when I was shopping with my husband at Sam's Club. I saw a new, interesting, healthy-looking cereal and decided to go ahead and get an industrial-sized box of it! After my first bowl, I was experiencing industrial FiberOne-like side effects and knew immediately that it was the Kashi. Thank God I'm a stay-at-home mom now. Unlike my coworkers, my 5-year old son thinks it's hilarious! Anonymous on Nov 23 2011, 00:37

I don't know what you guys are talking about. I'm not even using milk though, I'm using almond milk. No flatulence whatsoever. It is perfectly fine cereal. Seriously??? ..... -.- Anonymous on Nov 27 2011, 21:45

Oh my God 110 Octane Comholio, (Comment No. 141), I did the same Kashi/Sushi breakfast/lunch combo and thought I was going to die! But I am so stupid, I've been eating this stuff for months (and lost ten pounds!) in an effort to get healthy, but ended up thinking that I must have colon cancer. Then my husband and kids started up too, so we concluded that it was some terrible and strangely permanently ongoing stomach virus. You know it's bad when you actually wake yourself up in the middle of the night due to your own explosive farting! God I hate to give it up, the weight loss has been great, but I guess I'll have to find some other low calorie sweet to take it's place. Anonymous on Nov 29 2011, 02:03

I love how there are 300+ comments all saying the same thing, and the one or two people who think we're all crazy or joking! Anonymous on Nov 29 2011, 02:19

Page 131 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

This is so funny! I had to participate with my story. Oops, there goes another one! I've been trying to lose a few pounds, and in my workout class, the instructor recommended everyone to buy this cereal by Fiber One. She said the bars were really good too. Well, I thought things were really looking up for me because I found the cereal at Costco! What a deal...I ended up buying 4 boxes to last me a while because this cereal is so expensive at Safeway. They also had the bars, so I bought them too. Someone above mentioned they think the cause is the Root Extract. I don't see this in the cereal, so I have to do more scientific studies...Anyway, just like most of you, I have been able to produce the most amazing farts of my life lately. During the day they are more of a thin, quick blast, but at night in bed, they are the really thick, deep, slow kind...really quite amazing, and so long lasting. I never thought I could fart to match those of my father. This reminds me of when I was a kid and my parents took me camping. My dad sat next to me in the bathroom, out in the woods, and his farts were so loud, and I said, "Dad, why can't I make big farts like you?" And he said "Son, that's because I'm the big shit and your just a little shit." I was getting really worried and that's why I did a search on this. I almost made a doctor's appointment to find out what was wrong with me. I was also really worried because my fiancé is extremely critical, and she would make me sleep in another room for the rest of my life if I had this problem. I was trying to come up with a solution and I thought of making a Fart Hose. I was trying to find a way to connect this hose to my butt and have it go out the window. I think it's a great idea, but I have to perfect it a bit. It's not so comfortable with the hose coming out your ass, so maybe a plunger design would be better. If anyone wants to order my Fart Hose, let me know! Anyway, I'm glad I found out what the problem was...there goes another one! It's either the bars or the cereal too. I'll stop the bars first and see what happens. Anonymous on Nov 30 2011, 00:59

"F.Y.I. Corn King is the best bacon I've ever had! You should try it again and see how you like it. P.S. Don't put shit on the internet, its just wrong. Next time try using crap." @blink, You must have eaten really really crappy bacon your entire life, or you work for corn king. Either way corn king is terrible bacon. However, after reading the label, I found out the problem. The Bacon is made from corn instead of pork, no wonder there is no meat, it's made with corn oil, husks, few handfuls of dirt, and pig vomit. I am so sorry, we should have known better than to assume bacon would be made from an actual animal. Blink, you big dummy. Anonymous on Nov 30 2011, 19:56 seriously,I came to this blog because I thought to mayelf there has to be other people farting too,and lookey lookey. I like the cereal,but I am not eating it anymore because of the farting.Seriously. Anonymous on Dec 1 2011, 21:32

After a box of these babies, you become a human pipe organ playing an ungodly "Phantom of the Opera". The best part is the next day when you head into the john and chop off a big monkey tail. Booyah! Anonymous on Dec 2 2011, 12:49

I was going to see a doctor and I just googled Cereal+Fart and I found the crime source. I am surprised that my nutritionist recommended me this food and she forgot to mention this problem! Anonymous on Dec 3 2011, 13:29

I had a very unpleasant encounter with Sashi cereal a couple of months ago, while visiting relatives in Pennsylvania. When you are a guest in someones home, you eat what they have available. Sure enough there on the table sat a big box of Sashi cereal with blueberries. The cereal smelled and tasted delicious, but what a heavy price I had to pay. About an hour after I consumed this cereal, I got the most horrible stomach and intestinal cramping. Then came the explosive gas. I almost did not make it to the toilet in time. The cramping and gas were so intense, that I thought surely I might die. I told my husband that he might have to take me to the ER. I sat on the toilet most of the day. I could not leave the house due to the suffering. The cramping and diarrhea lasted all through the night as well. The next morning I felt some better, but I still had very bad gas. I lost almost three pounds from eating one bowl of cereal. I did not need to lose the weight, since I am a small woman. I will never eat this brand of cereal ever again. I concur that a "warning label" should be placed on the box. Anonymous on Dec 5 2011, 00:17

In a meeting today, I offered one of these bars to my boss. A person in the meeting quickly pointed out the farting effects Fiber One has on the human body. I thought she was pulling my leg and then I laughed and farted. As a medical person myself, I am surprised I did not realized my increase gas and farting started after eating two and three of these bars a day. I have spent some much money in gas medication including Beno and many other crap. I wish I can take all that shit back and get my money right away, but I had sooo much gas I am almost out of all anti-gas pills I bought. I am bringing those deadly bars to work and let the farting begin. In the mean time I will call all my doctors. Will cancel my colonoscopy, abdominal ultrasound, and defenitely my Shrink appointment. My husband doesn't need to move out and my little kid can enjoy sleeping with me again. The mystery is solved. No longer need to figure out were the farting in coming from, but I know where that crap is going to go. At least I know now I don't have medical stomach problem and will not require any type of surgery. I am glad I found out the most up to date information about this farting producing bar. THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! Anonymous on Dec 7 2011, 00:27

DEAR ALL YOU POOPERS, we love to poop. please teach us your gassy ways.

Page 132 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

gimme some of dos fiber bars you fooolz. i want this devil fart bar now!!!!!! i had one a year ago and ever since then havent been able to get my hands on one. i love the way it makes my stomach rise and gurggle back and forth. its so relaxing. expecially the jway my poop slithers out. most relaxing feeling ive ever experienced. imgaine, sitting on the toliet taking a nice long juicy shit. free of any pushing. anyways I WANT THEM GOSH DANGIT Sincerly, poop makes me happy. Anonymous on Dec 7 2011, 14:32

DEAR ALL YOU POOPERS, we love to poop. its the best. we live for fiber bars. fiber one bars changed our lives. from the moment we first digested it, weve been forever changed. imagine, a nice slimy poop. coming out with no effort involved. and not only that but having it consistant for hours straight. PURE JOY. Sincerly, THOSE WHO ENJOY POOPING AND DONT TAKE IT FOR GRANTED!! Anonymous on Dec 7 2011, 23:51

These are ridiculous. I always eat so healthy and today was my high carb day (Sunday 12/11/2011) and I ate 10 of those bars in the last 8 hours along with alot of pasta....SO if you people are on this site, you know what is happening to me. Anonymous on Dec 12 2011, 03:09

Not all funny. They gave me gas so I gave them to my son (who is a pretty gas guy already). He eat a box plus 1 in two days - ended up in the ER. Test results - too much fiber too fast. Be careful if you are trying to increase your fiber - could be costly and embarassing. Anonymous on Dec 13 2011, 07:47

Its so true!!! I eat one bar and that is it, I fart all day!! Hahahaha Anonymous on Dec 14 2011, 00:34

Can I see a picture of his ass please? I suspect he also goes that way Anonymous on Dec 15 2011, 14:29

I ate two of these thing morning for a quick breakfast. I promise you all I have farted every 30 seconds for the last 6 hours. Even some rodeo farts - those are ones that last for at least 8 seconds. Anonymous on Dec 15 2011, 15:45

Im a mormon and i say that we rock and we firmly believe that lesbians and deaf women wear the same clothes Anonymous on Dec 18 2011, 17:09

Fiberplus ruined my life. My wife divorced me because she found out about my flatulence. My kids do not want to be around me as they say I am unstable and "off my feet". I was kicked out of the jazz band for outperforming. I am banned from all stores who sell Fiberplus for clearing the shelves and then the customers with my poor hygiene and manners. They talk to me, these farts. I talk back,as they are all I have left. Anonymous on Dec 20 2011, 01:30

"After all, there must be a group of people in the world that would tithe to a religion that was rooted in a story of a guy like me, sitting in my bathroom with a black light, reading my wall splattered feces like a Rorschach Inkblot Test." That is how ludicrous mormonism and all invisible friend in the skyism is. Anonymous on Dec 21 2011, 01:48

I started eating this cereal about 3 weeks ago and did not see the correlation between my over the top gas-attacks and the cereal. Just last week I was sitting on the throne, I farted so hard, the force literally made me throw up in my mouth a little. The booming sound echoed down the hallway frightening children and and their grandparents alike. However I do find this cereal delicious and the high protein levels will keep me coming back for more. Anonymous on Dec 22 2011, 18:35

All gays are liars: http://eternian.wordpress.com/2010/03/01/all-gays-are-liars Anonymous on Dec 25 2011, 19:48

@Strabismus "is dragging the bereaved to go see this clown." No one said they were being dragged. Further, the Bible does say Satan has control over the people of this world in general, so in a way, or figuratively, they are being dragged, or at least tugged hard by him. He's able to manipulate the mind and heart, and sometimes, and I don't know how often at all, but the Bible indicates it

Page 133 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

happens, a person can even be entirely taken over by a demon. By the way moderator, what's with not allowing posts "soon"? What a waste of time, people will end up losing the data or forgetting what they wanted to say from having to wait some arbitrary amount of time. It doesnt even say how long to wait, who the hell wants to stick around monitoring this just to leave a post? "Spam Prevention: You cannot post a comment so soon after submitting another one. Your comment could not be added because comments for this entry have either been disabled, you entered invalid data, or your comment was caught by anti-spam measures." And that captchas are horrible: they flip letters and or numbers upside down. What the hell kind of nonsense is that? Further, if the captchas are on a timer, and you have to wait, then you'd have to repost AGAIN just to get through since you'd have to reenter the captcha! Do you want comments or not? Anonymous on Dec 26 2011, 01:45

First, Daniel, you do realize the Christian Bible is really just a bunch of made up stories, right? Your unicorn and fairy gay bashing shit is idiotic. Secondly, Daniel, today happens to be Christmas and I was enjoying spending time with family and was quite uninterested in moderating comments from queer-bashing right wing lunatics (such as yourself). I have no remorse for spending the day as I did instead of sitting in front of the computer waiting for a nasty bigot to leave comments on my website. Thirdly, Daniel, If you feel the need to comment on one post more than once every few minutes, you are either spamming my website, or your thoughts are so disjointed and organized, you should actually take the time to gather them and post them all at once. Lastly, Daniel, the captcha system is easily cracked by a lot of blog spamming systems that try to automatically decipher them. That it why I use it. For every bigoted, intolerant post I get from baby-raped assholes with daddy issues - I get 30-40 Spam entries from people in the Netherlands trying to sell penis pills and breast enlargement... I will be happy to send these on to you since you seem like you might need both. Also, for every good comment I get I have to wade through 80-100 posts from penis pill SPAM AND lunatic right wing evil cocks like you. I approve every post that is not specifically and obviously SPAM. EVERY ONE. I am sorry I didn't make more room during my day to make sure that your hate-filled anti-gay Nazi propaganda comments make into the web comment system in a timely manner. If your vagina is so tender and itchy maybe you should be reading a different blog you pickle-kissing bitch. Anonymous on Dec 26 2011, 02:17

"First, Daniel, you do realize the Christian Bible is really just a bunch of made up stories, right?" logical fallacies committed by just your first statement alone: 1) begging the question -- Circular reasoning in which a claim is assumed to be true and is then tucked in the conclusion. 2) Rhetorical fallacies, or fallacies of argument, don’t allow for the open, two-way exchange of ideas upon which meaningful conversations depend. For example, ending your statement (without evidence) with, "right?" appealing to your emotional state of feeling that you are right / AFFIRMING THAT YOU ARE RIGHT WITH A QUESTION (which is nonsensical and reveals an emotional appeal rather than logical). Instead, they distract the reader with various appeals instead of using sound reasoning. They can be divided into three categories: Emotional fallacies unfairly appeal to the audience’s emotions. Ethical fallacies unreasonably advance the writer’s own authority or character. Logical fallacies depend upon faulty logic. Ripley's believe it or not, I spent many years refuting arguments against religion, God and the Bible, over 500 arguments, some refuted in over 25 ways. I even grouped them by subject and cross-referenced them. One of the fallacies from which most seemed to come from, made by ignorants like yourself, was, "There is no absolute truth" which big surprise, is usually made by atheists (surprise surprise the Bible says God is the source of all truth and truth itself, so guess what happens when you reject truth? Exactly: you become a delusional, confused, arbitrary, hypocritical, contradictory liar). I also found many of the arguments contradicted other arguments (arbitrary as I said). It's terrible that you state things as a fact based on assumption and ignorance, and when you know that you do very little looking into religion but rather are a boastful full who thinks because he's learned a little that he knows a lot and therefore may play teacher. You also reveal your maturity level (which is tied in to knowledge and understanding level) with your crude language on top of everything else, showing that you are a disrespectful person who lacks self control (immature people don't learn much do to not being able to get along with others and because they don't respect anyone enough to learn much from them). The rest of your rant was ignored, besides that being the obvious thing to do with a time waster like yourself but because the Bible says to "avoid arguments of ignorance" and after carefully reading 500 arguments, from many morons like yourself, I can sniff a time waster from a mile away. "The fool (very wicked man) has no pleasure in understanding, but only in airing his own heart (feelings, well imagine that, the Bible you argue against before reading (how stupid is that? to, as the Bible says: "answer before listening") condemns feelings bashing and opinionators who reject reasoning), and that verse comes from the world's wisest man, King Solomon, who you don't even come close to touching. Next time moron: don't assume who you're talking to, let alone anything at all. Assuming is for idiots. how is it arrogant, immature emo-idiots who delight in cruelty like yourself end a whopping argument defeat against an enemy? The cliche drama dots: ... and ... wait for it: Fail. You're a blind guide with a log in your eye pretending to care for the well-being of the good. And moron: If I speak logically in my reply, why moron, did you rush to speak against me as if I were illogical? Stupid. And you're still using the stupid captcha? Moron. Anonymous on Dec 26 2011, 03:18

"First, Daniel, you do realize the Christian Bible is really just a bunch of made up stories, right?" First of all Mr. I Wish Princess Diana Would Die Already, you're a sociopath, sociopaths don't care about the truth and are chronic liars. So moron: stop pretending to care about and know the truth. Second: No arrogant lazy brain, because unlike you I actually

Page 134 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

bothered to look for the evidence, which wasn't hard using a search engine and being that I have a brain to read with and love for truth, unlike you, a cheap shot ranting moron who is merely interested in showing off regardless of whether or not he knows what he's talking about. Dur. Even an atheist knows the story of Noah is true you lazy idiot. Here moron, leg work for you that your idiot self who pretends to care about truth should have done yourself: http://amzn.to/skeptic_on_noahs_ark. Further, idiot, all a moron like you had to do was look on atheist dominated Wikipedia (besides reading it you moron) to see that even those atheists, who despise Christians, admit that from King Solomon's time on "the historical events are apparently true" you idiot. Massive massive idiot. Just think idiot: "Jerusalem", hint hint: real city. Hint hint: mine wanna check the rest of the stories then. And moooooroooooon: do you seriously think you have a time travel machine to lol, say, "Oh this didn't happen, don't you know that, right?" No wonder morons like you think you saw the billions and billions of Carly Sagan years old Big Butt Bang happen. What a kooky crackpot you are. And let me guess, you also believe in the magical stories of little bacteria things being made by Frankenstein's lightning, and then turning into dancing laughing exploring theists? Dur? Yet you tell me about "made up" stories lol? Show me a transitional fossil stupid guy. Come on, you had the the last 15 billion years of dead animals, plants and people to come up with a single one. Can't do it, because you're gullible, RIGHT?! Right. Logical fallacies committed by just your first statement alone: 1) begging the question -- Circular reasoning in which a claim is assumed to be true and is then tucked in the conclusion. 2) Rhetorical fallacies, or fallacies of argument, don’t allow for the open, two-way exchange of ideas upon which meaningful conversations depend. For example, ending your statement (without evidence) with, "right?" appealing to your emotional state of feeling that you are right / AFFIRMING THAT YOU ARE RIGHT WITH A QUESTION (which is nonsensical and reveals an emotional appeal rather than logical). Instead, they distract the reader with various appeals instead of using sound reasoning. They can be divided into three categories: Emotional fallacies unfairly appeal to the audience’s emotions. Ethical fallacies unreasonably advance the writer’s own authority or character. Logical fallacies depend upon faulty logic. Ripley's believe it or not, I spent many years refuting arguments against religion, God and the Bible, over 500 arguments, some refuted in over 25 ways. I even grouped them by subject and cross-referenced them. One of the fallacies from which most seemed to come from, made by ignorants like yourself, was, "There is no absolute truth" which big surprise, is usually made by atheists (surprise surprise the Bible says God is the source of all truth and truth itself, so guess what happens when you reject truth? Exactly: you become a delusional, confused, arbitrary, hypocritical, contradictory liar). I also found many of the arguments contradicted other arguments (arbitrary as I said). It's terrible that you state things as a fact based on assumption and ignorance, and when you know that you do very little looking into religion but rather are a boastful full who thinks because he's learned a little that he knows a lot and therefore may play teacher. You also reveal your maturity level (which is tied in to knowledge and understanding level) with your crude language on top of everything else, showing that you are a disrespectful person who lacks self control (immature people don't learn much do to not being able to get along with others and because they don't respect anyone enough to learn much from them). The rest of your rant was ignored, besides that being the obvious thing to do with a time waster like yourself but because the Bible says to "avoid arguments of ignorance" and after carefully reading 500 arguments, from many morons like yourself, I can sniff a time waster from a mile away. "The fool (very wicked man) has no pleasure in understanding, but only in airing his own heart (feelings, well imagine that, the Bible you argue against before reading (how stupid is that? to, as the Bible says: "answer before listening") condemns feelings bashing and opinionators who reject reasoning), and that verse comes from the world's wisest man, King Solomon, who you don't even come close to touching. Next time moron: don't assume who you're talking to, let alone anything at all. Assuming is for idiots. You're a blind guide with a log in your eye pretending to care for the well-being of the good. And moron: If I speak logically in my reply, why moron, did you rush to speak against me as if I were illogical? Stupid. And you're still using the stupid captcha? Moron.And moron: you're hit counts are overblown, because many of them are from people reloading the page to post another comment and trying to see if their comment was posted, if they got the captcha right, and because the spam message is on the top in small letters and hard to notice. You're a cheater. How is it arrogant, immature emo-idiots who delight in cruelty like yourself end a whopping argument defeat against an enemy? The cliche drama dots: ... and ... wait for it: Fail. Wow, what a "fag", I couldn't even post this after two hours have gone by, giving you yet another fake hit. What a fag. Seeya sociopath. Woah... yeah, sociopath, you're no better than Gary Spivey. Hypocriiiiiite. Clean your filthy mouth before railing against Spivey for his, common sense idiot, common sense. Fail. And idiot: since you show no desire in discussing, and are an ignorant idiot, no offense, and evidenced by refusing to correct your stupid inferior captcha system, which once again idiot: wastes everyone's time, I'm not even going to bother reading your reply, and have unsubscribed. Not alive to listen to a moron preach his feelings all day long, sure not gonna wait hours just to reply, gay. And lol, what an ass-waster: the moron banned me from even seeing his ranting: TALK ABOUT PLUGGING UP YOUR EARS, CLOSING YOUR EYES, AND RUNNING AWAY LOL! WHAT A WEAK MINDED NINNY! SUPER FAIL! LOL! FAAAAAAAIL. HYPOCRIIIITE. Wiiiinnniiing. P.S. If gays admit to being liars, then what business did you have saying, "No, Bible wrong, waaaah," when it says they're immoral and deluded? See how stupid you are yet Mr. No, It Can't Be Right! WAAAAH! Bye scared whiner Anonymous on Dec 26 2011, 04:12

Page 135 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

BTW this nutjob states on his website "You can also seek my services in better parenting and spotting and breaking bad parental habits. I also offer help with exorcisms. Demon possession can be confused with someone having a mental disorder. The price will depend on the difficulty of the evaluation and the length of the service." Parenting advice? exorcisms? Demon possession? Ok... This kid is really enjoying his life in his parent's basement... "Daniel! What are you doing down there?!?". "Nothing, Ma, just writing about demon possessions"! Complete retarded monkey. If there is an afterlife, and it contains intolerant homophobic people like Daniel... We will definitely meet there. You have nothing in common with your Christ who helped the poor, the needy, and the prostitutes. You are more of the "glass house" self-righteous bigot the Bible warns about being the antichrist. See you dude. Anonymous on Dec 26 2011, 04:28

Wow! 558 comments! I ate just one! Just one generic fiber one bar. That was all it took. I had had one a year ago and thought it was a fluke. Now, I am convinced. It is 1:30am and I am sipping chamomile tea hoping for relief. This is one of the funniest pages I have ever read though. Someone should really send it to Good Morning America!!!! Anonymous on Dec 29 2011, 01:40 yea, these farts are so bad and you can't even descise them,,you know look at someone else,make it look like it was them,but it wasn't and everyone knows it it has a tendancy to stick around awhile even with air freshner,that actually makes it worse.but it wasn't me,no, but if he knew i wrote this he'd be mad,hehehe.if you see some one eating a fiber bar,steer clear,you can't hide it follows you. i did say to him {if your gonna eat these fiber bars,,,eat em at work.hehehe. don't get me wrong,i ate one and it was good after awhile my stomach hurt,out it came,scared me and my dogs,i tried to run,but i couldn't hide. Anonymous on Dec 29 2011, 16:59 none of you dont understand the religion or believe it, or have given any of it a chance. we arnt a cult, to say we are is like saying the catholics or any other normal sect of christianity is a cult. you all claim to be so open minded, yet you continue to speak with more discrimination than you would treat anyone else with, all based on a unfunded hate for something you know nothing about. i wouldn't treat any of you with such malice, so please stop treating my religion, and by extension me as such. Anonymous on Jan 2 2012, 18:50 good to see I'm not alone, i can't even stand my one farts from the fiber one fart bars.And it's not the fiber, i eat 4 times that amount of fibre regularly, they have somehow engineered a conversion of a solid directly to a fart, a miracle of science. Anonymous on Jan 2 2012, 20:08

I just sharted myself in a meeting. So embarrassing. Anonymous on Jan 3 2012, 17:51

All i have to say is this page brought me to tears i could not stop laughing! and i was wondering why these damn bars don't have a warning label on them. i have been farting something fierce all night and i could not figure out why...then i realized i ate two of them in one day! OMG lets just say its terrible they are the worst farts i have had in years. and as we speak im sitting in my own smell...its disturbing. Anonymous on Jan 4 2012, 04:04

I was having a bad day...then I found this website and laughed and laughed till I cried. You people are hilarious. I just ate my first bowl of Kashi GoLean Crunch with milk before I read it...I'll have to let you know how it turns out.... Anonymous on Jan 4 2012, 12:58

After receiving a sample at my local bulk goods store, I decided to purchase a bulk box. They tasted good and I figured with the added chocolate someone in the family would eat them. Little did I realize that my 12 year old son would suffer from humiliation at school and I would need to purchase a new sofa in the family room. It took me a day or two to realize that my source of extreme gas was related to the bars. However, the bars continued to disappear from the pantry. A few days later I got a call from the school saying that I needed to pick up my son. He had eaten 4 bars the evening before. He indicated that he had been crop dusting the halls between classes, but it had gotten to the point he could no longer hold them back. He made the mistake by bending over to reach for his math book under his desk when it blasted out. He quickly raised up to see who he could blame (or if anyone was injured). But he was caught, humiliated, and sent to the school nurse. He still continued to eat them, but in moderation until I realized that the sofa (aka The Muffler) in the family room smelled equally as bad. The remainder of the box of Fiber One's went to school to give to his friends. Anonymous on Jan 5 2012, 09:04

OMG, the F1 brownies do this too!!! My wife and I ripped a few every four minutes or so, it was awful. And they just smelled worse as we went on. And it wasn't like a yucky rotten egg smell, it was pretty much... physical-feeling. It made the air around you feel muggy. It was GROSS. Also, she had diarrhea the next day, and wouldn't come out of the bathroom for almost 40 minutes. Ewwughh! Anonymous on Jan 5 2012, 10:01

I googled for information about this cereal after two days in a row of eating this cereal and having the worst pains. Glad to know it's not just me. Today I finished off the box and will not be buying this again. But on another note, I have never felt so light! Kasha should advertise this stuff as a potent colon cleanser.

Page 136 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Jan 5 2012, 10:36 http://en.careallgroup.com/Article/?id=89 Anonymous on Jan 6 2012, 16:42

Dave fuck u. U r fucking retarded and fuck all atheists and Muslims and mormons u are so fucking stupid enjoy hell motherfuckers because Satan is waiting to fuck u in the ass so enjoy your pathetic piece of shit motherfucking life because u are all going to hell fuck u douchebags. Anonymous on Jan 6 2012, 19:44

For 10 years I have never farted in front of my husband. A trip to Costco and a box of Fiber One Bars later and I have lost all control. Last night he was sound asleep and I found this page by googling "Do fiber one bars make you fart" and I was laughing so hard the tears were rolling down my face. I woke him up with my laughter and we were both reading them, giggling and crying. Thanks so much for the entertainment!! Anonymous on Jan 7 2012, 09:41

I bought some corn king bacon for supper lastnight and it was the worst and fattiest bacon ever. I tried to cut off abour an inch of each end and tried to seperate to fry and all it did was crumble. There was barely any meat and the further I tried to peel off the slices the fattier it got. You really need to do something about your quality or lose your business. Horrible, Horrible and Horrible Almost makes me want to stop buying bacon. You aren't the only company who serves fat with your bacon there are others and it is a shame the price you people ask for a chunk of FAT! Anonymous on Jan 7 2012, 16:01

I was a mormon for over 35 years. I was born a mormon and grew up in a sheltered environment where there was no reason to question it. mormonism is a club. joseph smith was a mason and copied much of the masonic ritual. The current mormon temple ceremony has much of the masonic signs, tokens, and ritual in it. I stopped believing all things mormon after my first time through the temple. I was blown completly away when I saw my parents dressed in white robes, hats and aprons waving their arms in the air chanting Pay Lay Ale. It really did fuck me up, but because I was so indoctrinated by repetitive primary and sunday school songs, and the constant testimony meetings where you are encouraged to stand and say "I know the church is true, and joseph smith is a prophet of God" that even after my temple experiance I still went on a mission for two years. One night my mormon wife and I were in the hottub and I looked up at the stars and said I am sorry, but I believe mormonism is dangerous and I no longer want to be involved and do not want our children involved. She cried because she was relieved and admitted that she had never belived in it either. The mormon church uses guilt very effectivly. You are constanty told you are inadequate and you need to do more for the church. There is a cognative dissonance that allows educated mormons to stay in the church. There is no doubt that the church is a cult. Many members stay only because of family or business relationships. When I left the church, I lost almost all of my mormon clients. mormons always hire mormons first. Competency comes second. Someone on this thread asked one of the mormons why they came to a "mormons are retarded" site. It is because the church leaders tell them to. At conference, mormons are told "seek out websites that are negative to the church and refute them". "Offer your testimonies to those who make negative statments about the church" (gordon hinckley- mormon profit) You can usually tell a mormon on a thread like this when they start by saying "Im not a mormon but..." I have EARNED the RIGHT to say that mormons are FUCKING RETARDED. This statement is fact. mormonism is a dangerous cult. It is a billion dollar cult and that is the pure motivation. It is said here that mormons squeeze a nickle so hard they make the beaver fart. ( I am Canadian and our nickles have a beaver stamped on them.) Much of the original doctrine of the church is being hushed and swept under the carpet. (ask a mormon about Bruce R Mckonkie. The older mormons will know.)They are trying to hide the history of racism, bigotry, polygamy and all the other bullshit that joseph smith made up. BTW some mormon on here asked " how could joseph smith write the book of mormon in three months if it was not inspired by God. Well, he didn't and it wasn't. joseph smith was a retard con man. A man named Sidney Rigdon wrote much of the story. Actually he copied much of the story from other texts. I am sure that even with the "seer stones" joseph could not have seen the future to know that both science (DNA) and global information would prove their stories to be completly false. I wish that mormons could wake up to this fact. More and more are, but some will not. They are sheep and they allow the church to think for them. They are constantly told in the conferences that "once the leaders have spoken, the thinking has been done". I could say so much more, but I have said enough. Note that I have tried not to capitilize anything mormon as an intentional sign of disrespect. I am an angry ex-mormon. Angry that they stole so much of my time and money that I will never get back. I was once a completely fucking retarded mormon, but now, am not. I was blind, but now I see. Elder Matumbo (from the book of mormon on broadway) Anonymous on Jan 8 2012, 03:07

Thanks for your insight. You are possibly the only one (on either side), that seems to have a valid story, and a grasp of rudimentary English skills. Thanks again! Anonymous on Jan 8 2012, 03:30

Page 137 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

This bar ruined the first week of 2012 for me. The first fart fiber one gives you is the most deceiving fart you will ever experience; it's long,silent,and relieving. It's like you took dump without actually taking a dump. That's the type of relief that first fart provides. I really felt like got over on mother nature. What a fool I am! The gas kept coming and I went through an entire can of febreeze at work; dutch officing myself. Stick to making mediocre cereals general mills! Anonymous on Jan 9 2012, 02:23

Oh dear. I just ate a bowl before googling this. Or should I say, "a bowel." In two hours, my neighbors are going to feel the walls quake from an 8.0 on the Sphincter Scale. My GI is about to get rocked. Pray for my lower intestine. This ain't gonna be pretty. Anonymous on Jan 10 2012, 20:29

Guess what, I am a mormon that with tell you one thing that the rest of them will not. You, yes you are a fucking biggot and discriminate agaist people for their religion and use slanderous unscrupulous tactics. Wake the fuck up we are in america asshole. RELIGION IS PROTECTED BY THE CONSTITUTION AND YOU CALL US RETARDS?? People who are disabled have more moral character that any of you fuck sticks. If mormons have any fault its that they don't kick your stuip fucking asses to the curb for being hateful douche bags. Now put that in your pipe and smoke it shit for brains. Anonymous on Jan 12 2012, 02:49

I swear I have been laughing my ass off reading these. Anonymous on Jan 12 2012, 18:59

So who ever said Mormons had a persecution complex? Freedom of speech is also protected by the constitution, which gives everyone the right to express opinion about anything including religion… unless you are a mormon. The mormon leadership tells members “It's wrong to criticize leaders of the Church, even if the criticism is true― (Dallin Oakes moron apostle) I vote Brian Nelson be put up on the pedestal of shining examples of arrogant mormon hypocrites right alongside joseph christ, jesus smith and tommy hooknose monson. Apparently, Brian is one of the “progressive mormons― that get to say fuck as long as it directed against anyone that has an opinion contrary to the opinion the church tells him he should have. BTW why are you picking on disabled people by dumping their asses down in the gutter with us mormon haters? It is far far greater thing to be a non-moron with an ass on the curb, than a moron with your head up your bishops ass. (and he likes it) Anonymous on Jan 12 2012, 21:55

Amen Elder Matumbo, you Rock! Anonymous on Jan 13 2012, 11:01

I tried their Long Island for $2. I was like, "a Long Island, for $2, hell yeah". And then I took a sip. I think it was straight lemonade. I don't think there's even lemonade in a real Long Island. How about a bunch of booze and Coke. Damn you Applebees!! Next time I want a $2 lemonade I'll order one. Anonymous on Jan 13 2012, 15:30 legalize weed and illegalize mormonism -the truth ps mormons arent christians Anonymous on Jan 13 2012, 15:40

Took me two weeks to figure out what was wrong..... You know those people that can make their stomach roll as if doing a wave? I was at work and was looking down at the top of my stomach that was poked out abnormal large and could see the ripple effect. My co- worker even commented on it. Anonymous on Jan 14 2012, 10:43

Elder Matumbo, you really laid it all out. I also liked one of the earlier posters who stated that after he stopped believing and saw the lds church for what it is - dangerous. She agreed and hence a happy ending here. In my case, my wife insists on indoctrinating our children to the mormon faith. However, I may end up up a divorced man if I insist that we DON'T let the church indoctrinate our kids. That is what's fucked up about mormonism. It claims to be family oriented, but truly messes families up and breaks them apart. It retards families and therefore makes them retarded families. Anonymous on Jan 15 2012, 02:53

My husband sent me this article after I was kicked out of a meeting for my loud farts. I thought I was in need of medical attention! Anonymous on Jan 15 2012, 20:21

I thought I had discovered the perfect snack and was set to stock up Fiber One Brownies. But then...the gas!! It was abnormal. Thank goodness I was at home for the long MLK weekend. The only thing that was different in my diet were these bars. Sure enough after googling "fiber one farts", I discovered this site and the long line of flatulence victims. Anonymous on Jan 17 2012, 02:15

HILARIOUS! I was at work today and was so embarrrassed b/c my stomach wouldn't stop rumbling! I work in the healthcare

Page 138 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

profession and my GI system let out a line of multiple roars while talking with a patient-I had to excuse myself from the room:) Anonymous on Jan 18 2012, 06:28

Thank you for posting this! My diet and gas were both smell free (at least to this volume) until I tried kashi two days ago. Thank goodness my gf is out of town, but maan, this gas could kill ANY romance. I am going to stop eating this immediately!! Anonymous on Jan 18 2012, 19:45

To think I swore off my favorite restaurant because I thought it was their food that was giving me the gas! I love Chipotle and was very sad thinking I would never be able to eat there again. I should have known because I've eaten there frequently and get a little gassy but never like I did the last time. I've just come to realize I had eaten Kashi Go Lean for breakfast that day too. I had terrible gas for three days straight! I just finished a very large box of Kashi today and have had candles burning in every room and have carried around a box of matches all day. I almost bought a 6-pack box from Amazon but read one reviewer said something about GI problems. It just clicked this morning and I'm so thankful to have made the connection before I wasted all that money and the respect of my family. My husband said the matches didn't even cover the smell of my gas and that is bad! I finally told him when he got home from work today, "I have bad news and good news. The bad news is I have really bad gas again today but the good news is I've found the culprit." Bad Kashi!! Anonymous on Jan 19 2012, 22:29

I got a box of these on sale and thought I'd have easy, healthy breakfasts on my way out the door to go to work (I'm a music teacher). Good Lord, what a mistake! So glad I finally figured out what was going on, because all week I've been a huge, gassy mess! Today I was holding back through my entire lecture to my seventh graders, and finally let one loose when they left the room... but no, it wasn't just a fart. I actually sharted at work. And it was only 9:30 in the morning! I had to stay late today to teach a trombone lesson, so I couldn't get home and change pants until about 5:00. I was supposed to go to yoga tonight, but I can't imagine what would have happened if I had! Anonymous on Jan 19 2012, 23:30

OMG these things are gonna send me to divorce court. I can't quit farting my ass inside out and they have my hapless hubby searching the cabinet for the Bean-o now. That is like shutting the gate after the horses have all run out....too damn late. These things are from the BOWELS OF HELL (pun intended)....and like many bad things, they taste too damn good. It's either the bars or my hubby...... hmmmmmm it's good to get revenge on my fart factory of a man. HA ha!!!! Anonymous on Jan 20 2012, 22:15

Thank you, thank you, thank you! So glad I googled this today. I started eating Kashi Go lean a month or two ago as part of my 'I'm forty and I need to pay attention to my health' phase. The cereal is sooo gooood - especially with berries. But man...I have been flatulant beyond my wildest dreams since then. And never once did I suspect it because,after all, it is the healthy choice, right? There is bunch of it on the shelf at the supermarket - with no sign warning the general public of it's explosive results. I blamed every other food and recently began to worry that I had some awful medical condition. With a heavy heart I must toss this delicious monstrosity in the bin, before it ends my marraige. Anonymous on Jan 22 2012, 00:38

The main problem with the mormon faith is the story of how it came to be, im fairly suprised by the vast # of people that stuck around after hearing that this amazing new religion was started by some under-educated dude reading gold plated with magic stones out of a hat. If that isnt bad enough upon being tested could not reproduce the same translation. Add in the misspelling and gramatical errors? Problem is "he wasnt translating anything, the stones were" and what is written on the plates is whats there give or take nothing so obviously there would be no change in translation. And if hes just copying down the translation shown in front of him that means god misspelled the words that are wrong? Seriously, and to think someone who is dumb enough to buy into all that is running to be the president? Give that r-tard a few child brides and make him president of salt lake city instead! Anonymous on Jan 22 2012, 02:55

I am just falling out of my seat from laughter, at all these posts! You guys are so funny! I can remember one morning, while brushing my teeth getting ready for the day, I let a LOUD one, that sent vibrations up my lower-most part of my back! It was that loud that I scared myself, and said, "Good heavens! I think I blew my ass out!" This was not related to these Fiber One bars, either, but after reading these posts, I ventured out and got three boxes, and had a carmel and oats bar; so good! I'm usually gassy, anyway on account of my high fiber diet, but these bars made me hungry! So, I imagine in an hour or so, I'll be happily in Fartville, ripping one after the other. Good thing I work alone at my job! Lol! Anonymous on Jan 23 2012, 00:54 omg lol how did that work out for you? Anonymous on Jan 24 2012, 01:06

As I sit here on the toilet, freeing myself of what can be compared to the atomic bomb that was dropped on Heroshima in 1945, I have some how stumbled upon this gem of a website. Never having eaten a Fiber One bar, I was not prepared for the amount of pain and suffering that I went through today. At one point, about 4 hours after consumption, I literally thought that my stomach was going to implode. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who has experienced the wrath of a Fiber One bar. Friends, heed my warning... These bars should be handled with extreme care. If at any point during the day (or night, depending on when you consume one of these bars) you are not ready for an eruption so powerful that it will create shockwaves comparable to the 9.5 Chilean earthquake, stay away. Far away. Anonymous on Jan 24 2012, 22:28

I am so glad I decided to google this. At some point this search is likely to cause the firm's IT folks a bunch of laughs, but I have been staying behind a locked office door for two weeks because of the 24/7 farting. Over Christmas my sister and brother in law suggested

Page 139 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

that I try this cereal over another I had been eating and actually gave me an almost full box to try. They probably laughed their asses off as they rid themselves of the culprit product. Don't get me wrong, it's by far the best cereal I've ever had and I got hooked and bought 3 more boxes. I will see them this weekend and see if they've recovered from their hernia yet for laughing so much. I used to be a outgoing and gregarious guy here in the office.. I need to stop eating this so I can start working again and billing some clients! Anonymous on Jan 25 2012, 15:36 omg, these posts are crazy but true. i too know the awful truth about fiber one bars. i had some a couple weeks ago and felt really gassy a while after eating them. i bought them because i don't make a whole lot of money and thought they'd be good for breakfast, because my undertsandin was that fiber makes you feel fuller longer, but i guess how it really works is it makes you feel so bloated and ugh that you won't want to eat anything the rest of the day. and it's not just limited to fiber one bars for me, it's also the crystal light + fiber packets that do the same thing. i didn't really put two and two together until this morning though. i was freaking out because i was thinking something else could be going on, but, as many others here, i goggled "does fiber one make you gassy" and lo and behold, hundreds of others experiencing the same discomfort. and it does not help to be working in a call center where everyone sits in rows of cubes. Anonymous on Jan 26 2012, 15:02

Mormors can be Mormons if your that stupid then fine but I'm not a mormon and I'm forced to go Bible thumping with my family. My probelem is how fucking stupid can you be oh I shit my pants and saw Jesus lets go make a bullshit deletion? If you cant get laid don't go say its in the name of religion its pathetic Anonymous on Jan 27 2012, 01:38

So your saying an uneducated farm boy founded a church with over 14million people in it and wrote a book? All on his own? Anonymous on Jan 27 2012, 01:39

Ate one and the rest of the box is going in the trash. They're delicious and I know they're nutritious, but after having one for breakfast and then being in the car with someone for the last 4 hours, being forced to stifle my need to expel, I know I never want to experience anything like that ever again in my life. I thought something was wrong with me...but now I know I'm not alone...thanks for the laugh (now that I CAN laugh). Anonymous on Jan 28 2012, 14:26

Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard I cried reading this...and my husband is crying tears of joy that I finally discovered the culprit of my vile gas. All week he's been saying, "Something really must be wrong with your plumbing..." I have had such bad flatulence this week that I've even refused to let him hug me...because it just squeezes out more gas! Too bad I bought 2 more boxes this morning before reading this post! Never again!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Anonymous on Jan 29 2012, 04:34

Damn you, General Mills! I have IBS, and these stupid bars just exacerbate the gas and diarrhea I already have. Anonymous on Jan 29 2012, 12:25

Well I am not alone !! Thank you. I too have been blasting farts all over the place. These fiber one bars are soo good but the gas pain is tremendous !!! I have been eating one of these bars each morning for a couple of months. I always was a gassy dude so for a while I thought nothing of it. But I finally googled "gas pain from fiber" and found this sight. I have been laughing and farting for an hour, reading these posts.. Friggen hilarious... I will wean myself off of these evil treats... Oh well , a least my dog won't get blamed so often any more... Anonymous on Jan 30 2012, 17:33 i am laughing so hard . for the past month ive been eating ALOT of those bars, the oats and chocolate. and sure enough, i have not stopped farting ever since. like i wake myself up. i thought i was just alone and then sure enough i fucking google it and find this shit. i am laughing so hard right now. omfg one guy says how his kid had eaten 4 and was crop dusting the hallways at school. lmao. toooo much Anonymous on Feb 3 2012, 02:20

I Googled farting routine just thinking it was my body on a schedule but now that I have read this I know it is the bars. I eat one everyday for my chocolate fix and weight watchers friendly snack after lunch and I start to fart or start to hold them in around 430 or 5:00 that is a 4 hour turn around. The problem is holding them in causes some serious pain. Maybe it is time to get these things out of my diet. I am sitting here in pain as I write this now as I am at work! ughhh! Anonymous on Feb 3 2012, 17:46

The only thing that makes me fart worse are the crumblies you get at Long John Silver's...after digesting them with your platter or basket combo, be prepared for a long stay in the toilet... Anonymous on Feb 3 2012, 23:42 this is sooooooooo discusting but yet also cool just wat kinda people would do that you would have to be retarded Anonymous on Feb 5 2012, 01:52

Page 140 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

OM goodness! 2 weeks ago I tried Kashi GoFart and had the worst abdominal pain ever! My stomach, about 2 days after the cereal, was totally distended, the pain was so bad I went in to my doctor and was checked for gallbladder just to be sure. The gas was AWFUL, the odor noxious and continuosly farting for 2 days finally releived me, but my stomach hurt so bad for another couple days. I suspected the Kashi, so Friday, had another bowl. It is Sat.at 4am and I have woken up from the pain in my gut. I have been laughing and crying from these hysterical posts (and now completely sure) that I am OK I had mine with Soy Milk, if I am brave, I will try again with Almond milk and see if it's better. I eat a lot of fiber on a regular basis, so I'm not so sure it's the fiber alone causing this. AWESOME comments, thank GOD I am not alone! Anonymous on Feb 5 2012, 05:20

Notgoingtochurchtoday: ALMOND MILK IS NOT A CURE...that's all I drink and I discontinued the assaulting cereal about 11 years ago, good luck to ya on that one! Anonymous on Feb 5 2012, 07:17

Finally! I started a new diet about two weeks ago and I couldn't figure out which of my dietary changes was causing my gas! I literally Googled "[new food] gas" for every major thing I was eating until I found this. Now it explains why my gas is worst in the morning. It's actually pretty sweet, I love doing walk-by's on my co-workers' cubicles. They haven't worked out who it is yet, but the whole office is talking about the "drive-by gasser." I think I will have a second bowl tomorrow morning. Anonymous on Feb 7 2012, 11:43

Totally agree with the four hour turn around, after eating one at lunch (1235) I'm tooting like a madman! Gotta got these things out of my diet. Anonymous on Feb 7 2012, 19:00

I've had other Kashi cereals, in fact I had one in my cart, the delicious cinnamon pillows. Then I saw Go-Lean Almond Honey Crunch in a two for one box. I guess I can use my savings to buy some Beano. Seriously, I ate a bowl at 5:30, it's 1:30 now and I'm in trouble. Thanks for the blog. Anonymous on Feb 8 2012, 14:33 and here i thought I was dying and the only one...lol I can relate to each and every post.... I have never laughed so hard.... thanks !!! theOnlyonewhocanClearaRoom Anonymous on Feb 10 2012, 12:22 if you believe in god your a fucking idiot. i was raised jewish and its a bunch of bullshit. i dated a mormon and her family was fucking crazy and she was brainwashed. its sucked. i have no respect for mormons. however i think all religion is stupid. so again if you believe in god wether your a jew, catholic, mormon or islam your wrong, dumb, and fucking gullible. there is no god. never has been never will be Anonymous on Feb 12 2012, 10:59

I eat the Kashi Go Lean Berry Crunch flavor and I don't have a problem at all! Anonymous on Feb 13 2012, 23:59

Yes, thanks - I really needed a laugh today and I got one! My husband and I have both been complaining about bad gas and I finally put two and two together and figured out it was those blasted (pun intended) Fiber One bars. This site is what led to my decision to throw the rest of them in the trash. I thought something was seriously wrong with both of us - I was actually thinking about going to see a doctor. Holy Hell - mystery solved! Anonymous on Feb 14 2012, 18:19

Hey mormons, go take the midwest with you and secede from the United States FOREVER! We hate your guts and wish you would die tomorrow. Anonymous on Feb 14 2012, 19:55

As Mr. Frodo pointed out, mormons love to mention that they have 14 million members, and they always claim “how can 14 million people be wrong?" Well they can! 14 million and two to be exact! 14 million mormons + george bush + micheal jacksons Doctor = 14 million and 2 wrong people. Using frodos retarded logic, then we must assume that since there are over 2 billion muslims in the world, the muslims must be right then eh? you stupid fucktard mormon! Anonymous on Feb 15 2012, 00:04

Wow, I have been having the worst case of gas ass for the last 2 days. Finally I googled everything I ate the last two days and found this site. That stuff is mean!! Anonymous on Feb 15 2012, 00:37

I just wanted to add my two cents here.. I have many good friends that are mormon, and if you're wondering how I got to this page, I was curious about what people thought about mormonism, and I found this. Now, nobody is perfect, I know, and many people have different beliefs, which I tolerate. But there has to be one truth, I mean can all these religions be "correct?" I guess you could call me a christian, but I dont like to label myself becausd labels usually lead to concrete assumptions about that particular group, yenno what I mean? For example, when someone says "Christian," people automatically think church on Sundays, prayer, and missionaries. Jesus freaks. But these acts alone are NOT what define christianity. Christianity is a relationship with God. HE created us. He is the source of all that is good and we are able to love because he loved us first! Don't you see? If we love God, and all have a unified goal to

Page 141 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

honor him, then everything, actions, thoughts, deeds, will ALL naturally follow. Reading the bible and prayer, for example. Now there also many interpretations of the bible. Who is right? Who knows? Who is given the privilege to deem one intrepretation as correct and the other as incorrect, or worng, or plain stupid? no one. We can only maintain our relationship with God and strive to be like him... Love. that being said you guys, I just find it hard to believe that all these mormon rituals, such as sealing couples and recieving special names etc. (i am only stating things I have heard about mormonism) are real. It just seems too bound up by technicalities and such. All we need is god, and eveeything else follows... Love y'all Anonymous on Feb 17 2012, 03:15

OK, let's say Mormons aren't completely retarded... Did you know that Mormons believe that Native American's skin color is because they were not followers of God? Do you know that Mormons believe that a Native American (American Indian) can become white by converting to Mormonism? It is so absolutely ridiculous and absurd. Read about it here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamanite Anonymous on Feb 17 2012, 03:37

After my personal experience, What comes to mind is changing the name from "Fiber One" to "Fire ONE!!" or maybe even two or three!" Anonymous on Feb 17 2012, 23:20

Nice Try Dani Your secret garments are showing. You better get longer sleeves on your blouse. Mormons ALWAYS say how much they “tolerate― other people’s beliefs. They also say they respect what others believe, but they DO NOT. If they did, why would they send brainwashed missionaries out to pound on doors peddling their insane religion. Then if they dont get them there, they just baptize them when they die anyway. What arrogant presumption ! Yes BAPTISM FOR THE DEAD! This mormon practice has Batshit Crazy written all over it. Forget the “sealings― and “new temple names― that is nothing. mormons say fuck everybody’s right to believe what they want, those arrogant pricks just assume everyone wants to be a mormon in the next life so they baptize dead people by proxy. (I mention by proxy because some may not put it past these crazy fuckers to dig up the dead bodies and baptize em if it were not against the law.) This practice of Dead baptisms has been in the news recently because mormons have been baptizing some prominent holocaust victims and mitt romneys father in law. The fucktard prophet monsoon says that baptizing famous dead people is against the rules and this was a mistake made by an over zelous church member. So what make famous people so special? You have NO RIGHT to baptize anyone’s dead relatives. What a goddamn freak show!

You are free to believe and practice all the freekass shit in the world as long as you KEEP IT TO YOURSELVES! Once you stop doing that, and cross the line into other people’s lives, you get what is coming to you. And stop whining about it. Anonymous on Feb 18 2012, 02:25

Awe shucks! I'm really not mormon, on though ... And it sucks that I have no way of proving that to you Elder Matumbo, just know that Jesus loves you(: Anonymous on Feb 18 2012, 04:03

Hey Dani I am sure Jesus loves you too. (even if you are a mormon) I do know of a way you can prove that you are not though. You seem to know something about temples as you mentioned secret names etc. If you are not a mormon you will not have a problem describing the second token of the melchezidek priesthood. A real moromon cant talk about it, because they have made an oath to slit their throats if discuss this outside of the temple. (absolutely true). A real mormon would say "the temple is sacred not secret" So if you tell us about this I will let you off the hook and stop thinking that you are a kool-aid drinking, throat slitting, dead baptizing, dark skined hating cultist. And if you are truly not a mormon, stay far far away from those mormon friends, because they are only your friends because there is a chance they can suck you in. I will pray for your soul. Anonymous on Feb 18 2012, 16:17

Sorry Dani, for some reason that last post came up as anonymous. I just wanted to be sure you knew that love bomb was from me. Anonymous on Feb 18 2012, 17:28

Say whaaaat? This is like a trap! If I'm not mormon but don't have a clue what you're talking about and am not able to tell you what that is, you'll still call me a mormon! And as for my mormon friends, I will remain friends with them, and try to talk them out of morminism. This the religion they've been born into and known for their lives, they don't know any better! And thank you for the prayers, I really need them right now... Anonymous on Feb 19 2012, 00:14

Page 142 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

OMGG i got the Kashi Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies and my stomach is rumbling and producing all sorts of noxious fumes!! And I have an iron digestive system, I can eat tons of beans and lentils with no problem. Oh gosh i am so miserable i am never getting anything with inulin/chicory root fiber agaiN!! Anonymous on Feb 19 2012, 01:22

Of course it is a trap, but it really doesn’t matter. If you are not a mormon, you are ill equipped to be a mormon apologist as you do not have enough information to be able to defend anything mormon. The fact is that there is overwhelming evidence to support TKs’ statement that “mormons are completely fucking retarded―. If you simply scratch the surface of actual mormon doctrine it does not take long to expose the insanity. The mormon church has been using the PR engine to whitewash the core beliefs and original doctrine of mormonism. They do this because they are trying to appear normal to attract new members, but also behind the scenes right now, they are trying to help elect a mormon president of the U.S. Another mormon lie is that the the church does not get involved in politics. If that were the case, why would they pump 20 million dollars of charitable donatations into proposition 8 in California? The obvious reason they did it this is because they are homophobic, but the other is to try to buy acceptance to the Christian community. It didnt work. You hit the nail on the head when you said that your mormon friends have been members since birth and don't know any better. Good luck with that. Children are exposed to repetitive songs and testimonies and are indoctrinated from the day they are born. They are brought up in a protected bubble, protected from any critical thought of their own. Anonymous on Feb 20 2012, 17:54

Thank God I found this site. I eat a big bowl of Kashi & Silk every morning and have for over a year. But recently I've been rapid firing withering rounds of Kashi bombs into the seat of my shared office chair at work (for months now) and I know the guy that works the afternoon HAS to smell it. I could not figure out what in the hell was wrong with me and like others here thought I was developing IBS, Crohn's, whatever. One day I had oatmeal and didn't develop ass WMDs for the first time in a looong time. Finally put 2 and 2 together and googled Kashi, gas. Looks like toast for me from here on out. Anonymous on Feb 21 2012, 11:08

I have never...EVER...farted for this long! My wife was first Impressed... then the smelll...Not so impressed. She wouldn't even let me in the living room after letting one go. I couldn't answer for laughing so much. But reading your coments on this blog made me cry of laughters, like never before! Good idea to the victim of Kashi that started this blog! Anonymous on Feb 22 2012, 01:11

One experience after another I read about and I now know the source. It seems I have stopped for a week (damn that double size box from Sams Club). I have been eating the at work for lunch. The combination of Metamucil & Fiber One - look out below (or behind). At my son's game tonight I sat in the corner all by myself explaining I had Mexican for dinner. I didn't see anyone say how long it took to subside when they stopped eating them. Nothing like driving in Chicago in February with the window down, thank gods the weather is not freezing. Anonymous on Feb 22 2012, 23:53

I indulged on about 3 fiber one caramel oat bars this morning as I was quite hungry and they were very tasty. Then low and behold about an hour later I had a little gas (no biggie). But when the gas kept coming, it became funkier, louder and there were loud gurgling and bubbling noises coming from my intestines. I then knew something wasn't right. I recalled that the fiber one bars contained chicory root extract as the first ingredient so I Googled it. Much to my surprise a whole heaping list of fiber one/gas websites came up. So this is how I arrived here and also the reason I am leaving my comment. By the way it is now about 7:00 pm and I am still somewhat gassy. Needless to say it is times like this that I am glad I sleep alone. LOL! Anonymous on Feb 23 2012, 20:10

OH MY GOODNESS...my boyfriend and I have been reading these posts for the past hour in tears. I've been buying Kashi cereal for the past year and KNEW something was wrong with us. I eat a bowl every morning and like clockwork, by 1pm I'm crop dusting the $%^ out of my office. I'm 99% sure that my cover hasn't been blown...yet. Unfortunately, my boyfriend sometimes eats this cereal around 9pm before bed. When he does, I wake up to fog horns and the most ungodly smell. I guess this is pay back for what I do at my office Anonymous on Feb 25 2012, 23:40

My husband and I are on medication that constipates us, so our Doc told us to get mineral oil mira-lax and lots of fiber! a couple bowls of raisin bran 3 fiber one bars and two shots of mineral oil later we were farting non-stop all day and all night long! I probably woke myself up 100 times with these long loud motorboat style toots! the next day IT WAS THE LOUDEST LONGEST DUCK-SOUNDING WET FARTS, AND JUST ABOUT EVERY TWO STEPS AN SBD WOULD SLIP OUT! we continued our same regimen and I went to work (i'm a hair stylist) and they kept slipping out as I was working on clients, so I kept pretending I was looking around at the other stylists, and saying I think I SMELL SOMEONE DOING A PERM! BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY SMELL LIKE@ DOG DIARRHEA, SEWAGE AND DIRTY DIAPERS ALL ROLLED INTO THE LOUDEST LONGEST EXPLOSION EVER! THEY TRULY ARE THE DEVIL! Anonymous on Feb 27 2012, 15:48 oh, geez elder M.! I was just makin' conversation! But that wasn't my point. My point waz that JS founded it as a small ill-educated farm boy and this was it's result. Not so much the result as the begining. Anonymous on Feb 28 2012, 22:02

Up here in Canada, Kashi has been named the new sponsor for the Re/Max hot air balloon team. I don't think there are hot air balloon

Page 143 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

competitions, but if there are, Vegas you know who my money is on. I can eat 250 g of Kashi Berry Crunch and produce liters and liters of flatulence. Could Einstein have been wrong? It really seems like the conservation of mass laws are being broken, without resorting to the messy fission reactions. Anonymous on Feb 29 2012, 15:09 i agree with this page. Anonymous on Feb 29 2012, 19:43

Glad to find this page. I put it together a few weeks ago, that when I ate the GoLean Crunch, I had incredible gas by the afternoon. I hated to throw the box away, so I limited my consumption to my days off only, so I didn`t have to deal with the flatulence at work. So basically, I just got back from a trip of crop dusting at the grocery store. Sorry to my fellow shoppers who wandered into my cloud of farticles. Anonymous on Mar 2 2012, 20:38

Compare Kashi GoLean Crunch with Grape Nuts. Not a huge difference on the nutrition label, but Grape Nuts doesn't have chicory root!! Anonymous on Mar 2 2012, 21:26

Helllllloooooo I was born into Mormonism but haven't been to the church in 10 years for a reason but you have to have some solid facts other than stereotyping to have a legitimate point on this blog. Uneducated ignorant blunders make you look stupid. Anonymous on Mar 4 2012, 02:59

I agree with this title so much. And who ever posted this. Anonymous on Mar 4 2012, 23:55

OK, Sorry about that Frodo. I have such disdain for anything mormon, I come unglued at just a whiff of green jello and ham. You are right, except that the mormons today have to be even more batshit crazy than back in the joseph smith days. Back then, educaton and science were not high priorities. Now they have no excuse for believing the shit they do... Well, maybe years of cousins marrying each other does take a toll. The mormon whacktard beliefs and practices seem to finally be getting the exposure they deserve with the likes of mitt romney, baptizing peoples dead relatives, and spending a whole lot of donated money on gay hate. This is a dangerous, arrogant religion. If there is a god, I hope he ties mitt romney to the roof of his car for the next family trip to kolob. Anonymous on Mar 5 2012, 00:29

I think the real reason anyone finds any religion "retarded" is because they don't bother to even attempt to open their mind. They think everything they know everything already but what does anyone understand really? The whole idea that there are other planets in the universe is crazy on its own. With something as vast as space how can we even begin to doubt the idea that maybe there is god. As humans we don't really understand anything which is why its nice to have a religion to follow that seems to right to the individual. I am LDS and I do believe everything I've been taught. To you that may seem crazy or retarded but you wouldn't understand because you don't have that spiritual side to you or haven't tried exercising it. There's plenty to the book of mormon that coinsides with the bible and one thing I'll never understand is why people don't think we're christian. We obviously believe in Jesus Christ... We are the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints... But I guess that's completely dismissable. Anyhow feel free to believe what you believe but don't be so quick as to think something is stupid or retarded because in a universe like this and only being human, there's so much we don't understand that it seems almost anything is possible. 5000 years ago, a life like today's seemed like it would be impossible to create, technology and people have advanced so much yet one thing that hasn't changed are the beliefs in some sort of belief in a higher being. Anything sounds ridiculous when you guys word things so simply when we all know there's much more to the mormon faith than you begin to cover. One last thing I'd like to bring up to maybe appease the non-believers, lets pretend that there is no god and everything that you thonk is completely true. Well in the last moments of your life, you know that you're just going to die and be the end of it. Needless to say you won't want to die because you know nothing will happen once your dead. Well at least for someone of the mormon faith, they'd have hope when they die that they would see their past family members and start their new life, meet god, and feel a sense of peace. So when you look at it that way doesn't it want to make you sort of at least have that comfort when you die? I'm just putting that out there but I know all you want to do is go ahead and rip us mormons apart so go on. Just venting after reading everything. Oh and btw the reason we don't encourage gays is not because we hate them but it would create families where children can't be born, and if we let laws pass where gays marry, we'd be legally forced to marry them in our temples which our church is obviously completely against. Gays are completely allowed in the church as long as they don't date/marry others of the same sex and they follow the teachings. It may sound ridiculous but I'm pretty sure sexually a world couldn't survive in a world where everyone was gay. That's why its believed marriage is between a man and a woman. No one here hates gays gosh.... Anonymous on Mar 6 2012, 12:41

Kashi+protien shake...didnt see it coming. Found this site a little to late. Anonymous on Mar 6 2012, 20:14

Im not entirely sure if i beleive in god or not, i think Though there is absolutely no proof and never will be any and anything that hasnt left a trace probably isnt real? The only problem is we had to come from somewhere. Also if there is a god probably nobody has the story right in the first place. As for mormons being christian, its a knockoff / addon that some halfwhit pulled out of a hat in the 1800's and for some f'ed up reason people believed despite the fact that he couldnt even do the translation the same 2 times? You guys love to bring up the "well jesus is in our name" bullshit as much as possible seeming making your weird cult seem more real and legit, give it a break christians are christians (i am not), they are the only christians and they do not read the book of mormon because if

Page 144 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

you buy into that dumbass document you are now mormon. You say there is more to mormon than we cover, well i really didnt have to go much past the history of how it came to be to see its a joke and was made up by joseph smith and i dont see much point in looking any further, if i want fiction i perfer it atleast be funny! Honestly i wish it'd go the way of other cults, by that i mean into the ground via a giant bowl of "punch". But until that happens atleast maybe we can keep one from making president, anyone stupid enough to think the book of mormon is really the words of a higher power and not the words of some loser that wanted to marry multiple underage girls is far to stupid to run one of the most powerful countries in the world! I would only vote for a mormon over a scientologist and thats just because you guys are about one branch shy of them on the dumbass religions tree. Anonymous on Mar 6 2012, 20:47

Where to start with this one???? Open your mind! God was a man and progressed to godhood--ridiculous! Wear your undergarments--retarded! Works to achieve the highest level of heaven and then on to your own godhood, your own planet, and your wife, or wives if you are lucky who will bear spirit babies forever, spare me. Don't drink the coffee, soooo naughty. The U.S. was populated by people of Jewish descent who took a boat over from Israel. Oh yah, Jesus came over to America too. You open your mind! Who will your forever family be? Have you ever thought of that....will you be with your grandparents, parents, or your own family....can't be with everyone on your own planet. You can only meet God if you go to the highest level of heaven. Where is any this in the Bible? Where is any of this in the Book of Mormon? Did you know that JS shot and killed 2 people before he was shot and killed. That is not a martyr, he was armed. Let's talk about temple marriage. You would have to legally marry people in the temple that are gay, if it is made legal? That doesn't even make sense, oh, but none of your stuff makes sense. I don't think Mormons have to marry anyone in the temple who isn't temple worthy, you know pay the ten percent mandatory tithe. I don't think (ya, I said it, I think) a gay person would be allowed to be married in the temple because all kinds of people can't get married in your temples already, you have rules and they have nothing to do with laws. Have you ever thought that the world is over populated and people no longer need to breed like rabbits. If gay marriage was made legal, that wouldn't change anyones sexual orientation. I would still be straight. Not everyone wants to be gay, duh! If you believe in the Bible, all you have to do is believe that Jesus died for your sins. Simple as that. No works will save you. No secret Masonry symbols or handshakes or secret names will save you. Beware of false prophets! Look up Angel of Light and see what comes up, you are being lied too. Open your mind! Don't get to riled up when you go to a sight about Mormons being complete fucktards, because that is what it is going to be about. Anonymous on Mar 6 2012, 22:06

WOW, i only had a dollar, and was hungry, Looking in the vending machine, no snickers bars. How about some snackwell crackers, oh wait, whats that, fiber one bars, sounds healthy. I just watched the doc "forks over knifes" and was thinking I should start eating healthier, fiber one just sounds so, "vegatablesaladish". So I vend the bar for a buck, eat it, and walk to my car to grab something. While sitting there I google how much these bars cost in a pack, since this thing is so good, and what is the first no selling site on the google search, "Fiber One Bars make me Fart - Please God No'. Uh Oh, i'm thinking this can't be good. I read through these humorous posts, but where I am, flatulence can be a safety issue with our gas and vibration sensors. I need to contact the vending dept and let them know fiber one bars are not suitable. They can replace it with celery or "stinky pee" asparagus. Anonymous on Mar 9 2012, 11:52 add broken tooth on kashi crunch and you cant ask for more ! Anonymous on Mar 10 2012, 12:34

OMG OMG!!! I changed my diet and decided i was going to buy fiber one bars as a snack in between meals (dark chocolate and almonds) and it tastes sooo good untill i notice that i tried to run away from my own ass!!! if you have evil spirits in your body get a box!!!! the devil will surley crawl out your ass!! Anonymous on Mar 10 2012, 23:10

I could not be more thankful to have found this.I bought some fiber one this weekend and ate several during my work shifts. Out of nowhere I started having uncontrollable bursts of gas. Sputtering, long, short, loud, quiet, REALLY LOUD, sometimes I would fart while walking and it would be with each step. After a few hours I couldn't help but crack up, and then some more at how unbelievable the past two days have become. I looked up if fiber made you gassy and found this site. I died laughing because I could relate to everything on here. I lost it, absolutely lost it. I had to pull over because I was in tears laughing so hard and my neck and shoulders cramped up. I couldn't figure out what caused this hilarious circumstance, but im glad I found this. It would be funny to see a national fiber one meet (outside of course). I'd imagine people would be so exhausted from laughing so hard Again, thanks, this was an amazing find! I was having a miserable workload today and this was the complete 180 I needed Anonymous on Mar 13 2012, 17:22

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS PAGE. ok, so i think farts are hilarious and always have. my husband and i both have. we started eating the fart bars about three days ago, and ever since we have been marveling at the long, winding loud, violent farts that are coming out of both of our asses. it was fun the first day, but by the third, i couldn't leave the house, AND we had to make rules that we could not use feigned affection in order to fart in one another's faces. i generally LOVE busting ass, but this is just uncool. earlier, i was laying under a blanket watching TV and when i got up and the blanket fell, my husband gagged. he made a comment about releasing the kraken. the stench is like a burnt turd with bad egg salad topping it. and why are the farts so hot???? like lava. my mom has been bitching about farting for awhile now, and she was the one who gave me the box. i tried to call to tell her, but she said she was busy. well, her car is going to continue to be a fear factor until she calls me back, i suppose. i am so glad i looked this up. and again, WHY ARE THE FARTS SO HOT???? Anonymous on Mar 13 2012, 21:40

"Some mormons" cult programmed post is so asinine it made me puke a bit in my mouth. Quote "I think the real reason anyone finds any religion retarded, is because they dont bother to opeh their mind" Right back at ya bubble boy!

Page 145 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Quote " to you that may seem crazy or retarded but you would undersand because you don't have a spiritual side" Typical mormon arrogance! Unless you are a mormon, and believe that blacks are black because they were cursed by god, how could you ever be as spiritual and as "white and delightsome" (book of mormon) as a mormon. Quote " I am LDS and I believe everything I've been taught" Not only retarded, but ignorant and oblivious! Morbot alert! Cult alert Quote " there is plenty to the book of mormon that coinsides with the bible" Yes, part of the book of mormon do coincide with the bible. All the parts that were copied from the bible that is, the rest is bullshit made up by josephs myth and sidney rigdon. Like the part that Jews came over in wooden submarines and started a civilization in South America. There is a little piece of science unknown to the bubble dwelling mormons called DNA that proves this fantasy is false. Quote "I'll never understand why people don't think we are Christian" mormons are not Christians. They have made up a whole different version of Jesus than the real Jesus. The mormon Jesus beams in and out of New York State, South America, and salt lick city utah. The mormon Jesus stops in to get advice on world affairs from the profit tommy the teabagger monson. Quote "Gays are completely allowed in the church as long as they don't date or marry others of the same sex, and follow the teachings" This is pretty much the most ignorant, offensive, batshit comment of his/her/its post. You are allowed to be a gay mormon as long as you are NOT GAY! Oh, unless of course you are a scout master, then you are allowed to fondle and bugger all the cub scouts you wish, only if you promise not to DATE or MARRY them. What a goddamn retard! I do hope somebody pokes some holes in that mormon bubble you live in so you can breathe in there. well... on second thought. Anonymous on Mar 14 2012, 01:42

OMGGGG! I am dying right now! After eating this cereal for the last 4-5 months at the recommendation of my nutritionist, I have had many embarassing moments in the classroom! After accidentally letting one rip when taking some kids to a basketball tournament and becoming the a joke amongst the 8th grade girls, I had to search "Kashi Go Lean Farts" and found this site. Soooo relieved I'm not the only one with this problem. I thought it was my diabetes medication or something! Parent-teacher conferences are this week...you saved me JUST IN TIME@! Thanks Kashi-Fart posters! Anonymous on Mar 16 2012, 20:21

I eat snakes for breakfast, lunch I enjoy eating raw meat and bacon, dinner burgers from Mcdonalds. My shit looks black I am from Albama and my dad is from Guatemala and my mom is from Somalia. Anonymous on Mar 18 2012, 21:21

Well just purchased my first box yesterday (big box from Costco) and had my first bowl this morning. I thought, delish, I could eat this everyday. About noon it hit me. Omg....the gas has been non stop. It's now 9:30 pm and I'm still going strong. Finally my husband said "it's probably you new cereal". Broke out the iPad and googled Kashi and gas. Found this site. We have been laughing to tears at all these posts. Will be returning the cereal tomorrow. However, I think I will check back from time to time for a good laugh. After all, I don't think there are too many funnier things in life than a good strong loud bout of gas! Anonymous on Mar 19 2012, 00:46

I'm a poor college student, so my mom picked me up a big box of these, among other snacks, over the weekend when she was at costco so I'd have something to eat. I downed two this morning and god, I've never spent so much time on public toilets. I've felt like my guts were going to burst out of my stomach all day and my stomach is still growling every minute or so. I think I'd rater starve than have to go through another full school day with these things inside me. Anonymous on Mar 21 2012, 00:06

The mormons have managed to fool the vast majority of people into believing that their religion is benign, which is most certainly is not. The entire mormon religion is a complete fraud. You only need to read the book of mormon to realize this. Even the name of their church is a fraud. "The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints" is the official name of the mormon religion, however, the mormons do not believe that Jesus is one and the same as God. They are not Christians in any sense of the word and yet they put his name right up front to make everyone think they are, in fact, christians. The mormons believe that they can become gods themselves and if they follow the mormon doctrine they can become gods themselves They are not monotheists. They are polytheists which makes them pagans. I'm an atheist myself (former catholic), so I have no respect for any religion. All religions are frauds, but the LDS church has a hidden agenda to rule the world. They are more of a tax exempt business than a religion. They also wear magic underwear, not that there's anything wrong with that. Jesus! Anonymous on Mar 21 2012, 14:43

Oh I've been eating these farts bars for years and I especially like the new 90 calorie pretzels bars, they make me fart more than ever. I have an 8 month old baby and you should see the look on her face when Mommy belts out a man-sized fart...several times in a row, for hours, her eyes are the size of saucers! These farts are loud, long, smelly and you know what, I enjoy it. Haha, farts are fun for EVERYONE, admit it, you all like it too. My husband's world has been rocked, he cannot get over how something so vile could come out of someone so petite. I am at work about an hour after eating my fart bar and I can feel the bubblin brown sugar coming, I can actually see my belly moving around. This site is so great b/c I now know I am not the only one sitting in a cubicle all with a brown

Page 146 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

cloud over them. I tell ya, I cannot wait til quittin time so I can get in my car and fart all the way home. Then when I get home, I can just blame the baby for the terrible stank..tee hee. I wish we could all meet up and have a Fiber One bar party, I bet we would have the time of our lives! Happy Farting to all! Anonymous on Mar 22 2012, 13:55

The magic underware is part of the corporate engine. I am pretty sure that Jockey or Victoria secret would love to have a built in customer base of 10 million underware customers. You can't just go down to wal mart and pick yourself up some magic mormon underware on sale, you have to buy it from the mormons. They make millions on that cheap polyester shit that frays and turns yellow after 10 washes so you have to buy more. They brainwash mormons to believe that you must cut out the symbols on the breasts, bellybuttonm, and knee and burn them after use so you will not be tempted to wear them too many times and not buy more and more. Religious underware? not a chance. Unless your religion is greed I guess. Its not Tommy Hilfiger, its the tommy hooknose monson collection. Anonymous on Mar 22 2012, 22:47

I have a suggestion for all those who wish to bash my religion.. I've been a convert for 4 years now, and I've never been this happy. This church has changed my life from taking me away from a gang life to now serving in the army and getting ready to go to college to study criminal justice and become an officer for the army.. And the people in the church do vary, yes, from extremist to down to earth people who merely believe in something greater than themselves, but that's with anything that you may be a part of, religion or not.. But even if this church is wrong, I would not be happier in any other religion, I've tried nearly everything, from baptist to even Buddhism, but none amout to what I have felt here in this church... But my suggestion I mentioned earlier is to find out for yourself what our church truly believes, read the introduction page that testifies our beliefs, or go a step further and take part in one church service, then you'll truly have the right to bash and hold an opinion about our church.. Till then, no.. Btw, not meaning to bash you personally but throwing the f bombs around mindlessly in a "thoughtful" argument is childish, rude and unprofessional, just putting that out there. To those who takes my suggestion to heart, thank you Anonymous on Mar 25 2012, 16:38

Oh. no. I bought a big box of these from Costco and ate four in one sitting. And then I remembered why I stopped eating them years ago. Over the next twelve hours I felt a lot of uncomfortable pressure in my abdomen, like someone was stirring a cauldron in my intestines and the bubbles were churning into every crevice trying to burst out. I had to let one rip every four minutes for at least a couple of hours and it continued even as I went to sleep, when most normal farts simply cease. Not these suckers. These keep coming where others fear to tread. The size of my abdomen was huge the next morning. I had little corners of the house covered in a thin veil of stink. I actually thought I had gained back a few pounds because my stomach was bloated for at least 48 hours - enough to take me a size up on the jeans. Literally, it looked like a 2-4 inch waist difference in the mirror. And then the liquid. Chicory root is a popular ingredient in laxatives, so one can only guess the effect in bulk. Thank goodness this happened during the weekend when I could hole up in the bunker and take 20-minute breaks on the lou. I am not going to eat these things in public. NO dates, meetings, errands within 48 hours of eating them. I have been wondering if I am lactose intolerant but none of those symptoms rival what I got from the fart bars. Thank goodness I haven't seen a treadmill in years because I can only imagine the explosive impact of these things with high impact exercise. Pray the gym is empty that hour. Anonymous on Mar 26 2012, 04:09

I am a Mormon, but in name only. I was jumped in at 8 years old and brainwashed into it. It's a mistake to say that believers are morons. This is unfortunate, because smart zealots can be dangerous. They have been psychologically tricked. Unless you are predisposed to be a free thinker, it's almost impossible to change out of a system of belief like this. To outsiders with any smarts at all, it's an obvious crock of shit, but it took me years to find that out and correct myself away from the primitive magical thinking that is religion. Most of them are good people, but they absolutely KNOW they are right. You can't argue rationally with people like that. Anonymous on Mar 26 2012, 15:06

The sad part of my story is I am a fiber one addict. Although these fart bars leave me with gastric explosions on the lou from time to time and have me lifting off like a rocket in my seat I just simply can't stop eating them...weep. Anonymous on Mar 28 2012, 08:06 worst cereal i've ever had. i actually came to this site after searching "kashi cereal hurts my stomach". I also searched "cereal gone bad". The reaction to Kashi doesnt start 2 hrs later, it starts immediately, like 20 seconds after swallowing a couple of scoops. seriously, wtf is wrong with this brand. i actually ate a third of a box on the first day (a bowl in the morning, then in the evening cause i got hungry). i also had beef, which i rarely do so i thought it might be the beef. but now its been 4 days, and i've returned to the cereal (no more beef since). its def the cereal. Anonymous on Mar 28 2012, 16:18

I just started a new job at a (very high end) Spa, and grabbed a few of these on my way out the door at 4am. I ate the first on the bus going to work, and experienced a terrible case of the walking farts as a result. I thought maybe I was getting sick to my stomach, and needed something to counteract the acids, so I sat and slowly ate another one with a glass of ginger ale. OMG! Walking around a high end spa, where quiet and clean and nice smells are the supreme pull...I wound up leaving work early, needles to say. Never.Again.Demon bars! Its almost 10pm and I CANNOT stop. My sons think I am both gross and hysterical. Oh God, why?!? Curse you General Mills! Anonymous on Mar 28 2012, 21:43

I am also laughing so hard while reading this. I have the same problem... but with the cereal, the Berry Yogurt Crunch. It tastes awesome.. but man do my insides SCREAM. I thought I was alone... but I am glad to hear I am not! Anonymous on Mar 29 2012, 20:40

Page 147 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

OMG! I wish I had read this before buying Fiber One bars! I work in the water and created my own mini whirlpool, just for me. I had 3 and I'm done!! I will eat dirt before I eat this again. I was in so much pain and looked 6 months preggo with twins. I had to endure an Easter trip to Walmart before I was able to go home and relieve myself. I've never sweat in a grocery store line so much in my whole life! But, I'm thankful that they have brought me to this website where I've never felt so good about talking about my ass!! Anonymous on Mar 31 2012, 00:51

This liberal tpemer tantrum only proves that liberals don't want bi-partisanship, they want a dictatorship. They want to be able to enact whatever cockamamie tax theft scheme they dream up each week and shove it down the publics throat without interference.This is why they are so shocked that Obama has to compromise with his political opponents. They imagined that once they elected The Messiah, they'd be free to do anything they pleased.I can't wait to watch their heads explode when the GOP takes the WH and the Senate in 2012. Anonymous on Mar 31 2012, 11:23 about to try the cereal wish me luck Anonymous on Mar 31 2012, 19:15

Proofreading is one word. Anonymous on Apr 1 2012, 15:32

I found this thread when googling "kashi go lean crunch gas". As soon as I typed "Kashi Go Lean Crunch" the word GAS automatically appeared without my having to type it. I knew then that this wasn't a good sign. But I had to google this to confirm that it's not "just me" and apparently it is not!!! Let me just say, a bag of prunes has NOTHING on this cereal!!!!!! If we could somehow harness this cereal and make some sort of biofuel, wouldn't it be great??!! Honestly, though, there should be a warning on this box. It's just mean that they don't warn you! You need to eat this in solitude....and have no important plans or appointments for the following 6-8 hours. Thanks everyone for the laughs here!! Crunch on!! Anonymous on Apr 1 2012, 20:40

Glad to see we aren't the only ones with a (g)ass problem. My husband and I have enjoyed Kashi cereal for about a week now, however we began to discover increased amounts of flatulence that smelled like pure sulfur (tmi I know). We couldn't figure out what it was until we googled "Kashi Gas" and couldn't believe how common this was. It's saddening to think our new favorite cereal will end up in the trash. Anonymous on Apr 6 2012, 02:12

So I decided I needed to get healthy. Ate Kaski one time and thought I would die of gas pains. Yesterday my girlfriends came to town to hang out. Today we were a bit bored and I talked them into trying this cereal just for "shits and grins". I talked them into eating it before I let them read this page. We are now awaiting the results. We shall update you later. Btw- We are fiftyish year old women. Anonymous on Apr 6 2012, 19:40 spiritwarrior320 is living proof that humans fuck monkeys... spiritwarrior320 < village idiot Anonymous on Apr 7 2012, 16:11

Well tithe me sideways.. Yes, all brainwashed fucked up retards who've left commonsense at the door so as to pursue a life of arrogant fuckeuppededness in the company of fellow fuckeduppedness arrogant type fucktards who would sooner love-bomb you to death and offer you a biscuit than listen to a word of commonsense emanating from your sinful educated lips. It's as though they're saying "please support my delusion.. pleeeeese....see, I'm offering you a biscuit... this means I'm a GOOD PERSON and not atheist anti Mormon scum like yourself" Cognitive dissonance somebody... cog-ni-tive diss-o-nance... ??? Please keep your elitist arrogant ideas to yourself and fuck off. Thank you. (yes close the door, Smithtard you Cheshire Cat fucked up Moron Shite head) Thankyou for listening (bows, retreats backwards) Anonymous on Apr 8 2012, 04:47

James says he's never been happier than he now is, as a Mormon. Well, that's just hunky-dory, but it shows very little personal insight. If you believe the religion into which you were born, you're a dope for not thinking independently. If you're shopping for religions, you don't trust your own mind. In either case, it's just a drug you're using. Why is it so hard to accept that there is no god? And who the hell wants to have eternal life? I don't want to spend eternity with trillions of people! Heck, I don't want to spend it with myself. I do believe I'd tire of me in a few billion years. Anonymous on Apr 8 2012, 18:33

Yup. Mormons are the dumbest humans that have ever walked the earth. Anonymous on Apr 9 2012, 02:33

Totally keep it up!!! Its actually amusing, even if i would never try it... (: I like this site! Anonymous on Apr 9 2012, 16:28

Page 148 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

OMG yea I had ONE bar last night and OMG today I think i have pooped about 10 pounds and I believe i could fly across the country with the amount of flatulence coming out of my body. this site is hilarious! Anonymous on Apr 9 2012, 18:03

Wow! I bought Fiber One bars last week and had eaten one. Sat down to watch a movie with my family about 2 hours later. Good lord, I have never farted so loud or so much in my entire lifecombined! I couldn't hold them back and didn't even know they were coming. My family got a good laugh out of it but somehow I figured it was the bars so I avoided them but left them for others thinking it was just my system. Nope, went to bed last night after my husband. Lifted the covers and the most foul smell came flooding out. I said wtf? My husband said, "I think you were right about those bars." LOL Gee, Ya think? Walked into my daughters room today and it smelled like a pack of something had died. Yep, she ate a bar this morning. My husband and I were talking about it so I went to Google and typed in Fiber One and google finished it with "and Farts"! lol We are sitting her rolling! Thank you. Anonymous on Apr 11 2012, 22:20

Hi, if you all believe that it is right to be mean to people for you own enjoyment than that is wrong. I'm 12 and I am Mormon. I'm proud of it! If you took a fraction of the time you put into this page and looked into our religion you would not have something to bash. We don't have sex till we are married. We don't drink alcohol, or do bad to our body's. We dress modestly and don't use our body's to get what we want. I have not met one mean Mormon. We are not brain-washed. We look into the religion and make the choice for ourselves. While ready this you made me want to cry. Now you have joy, right? Wrong. Me and my family will be together forever and happy. So will you. Open your mind, I have and I can't find anything better than what I have. So have fun with what your doing cause your not effecting any of our life's, just yours. (by the way I found this while searching something else) Anonymous on Apr 12 2012, 20:56

WOW!!! The first time I ate the Kashi cereal, it was horrible!! So I ate some for supper and I absoutely could not sleep that night because my stomach was so messed up. Never will I eat it again. Anonymous on Apr 12 2012, 21:57

@Young Fighter. "Give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man" Have you ever explored the implications of that statement? Ever studied psychology? Do you tie your predominant hand to the bed-post at night? Do you believe that cows, horses, oxen and goats existed in North America in 590 BCE? Can you levitate? Anonymous on Apr 13 2012, 03:11

@Robbie, did you forgot that i'm 12? And yes cows, horses, oxen, goats, and more were on the earth in many places in 590 BC. Did you know that they found the garden of eve in america? Think about it. (that's all i have to say to you) To the rest of you, Joseph Smith was not a con man. And he did not have 33 wife's. And religion is not chosen through facts and things you can see, but in faith and things you feel. I was really sick and I couldn't move without wanting to vomit so my mom called the missionary's to give me a blessing to heal. They did, I went to bed, and the next I woke up feeling perfect. You can't go from puking to feeling fine. Okay that blessing is what really made me have faith in my religion. And when I prayed and asked god if Mormonism was the right choice I had this feeling that is indescribable, it was amazing and because of it I know that my church is true! Anonymous on Apr 13 2012, 18:43

It is not just the cereal that does this...i knew about the cereal a couple of years ago when it caused gas but for fun i tried the new crackers and pita crisps...and sure enough my husband almost puked when he came to bed last night aftr i lt one rip....nasty how do they stay in business? Anonymous on Apr 13 2012, 19:26

@ "Young" fighter... I never believed for one minute that you were 12! Smith was a confidence trickster, it's evidential my dear. Garden of Eden in America? wow... really? Ever heard of the Rift Valley? And ever questioned why the one of the missionaries and your mum aren't allowed to share a room together without another person present? And I guess that's all I have to say to you, too... Anonymous on Apr 14 2012, 00:10

I once spoke with a Mormon who was asked why, if cows existed in America prior to 300 BCE, no bones, bodies, nor fossils have ever been found to prove this. His answer? "God took those pieces of evidence up into heaven so that we could live by faith alone." Honestly, these people can come up with reasons to justify EVERYTHING. You can't reason with pigheads like that. All we can do is laugh and work hard to see that we NEVER elect a Mormon President. Anonymous on Apr 14 2012, 08:33

Agreed. People who scream about religious freedom/respect usually don't care about freedom/respect for others in general. People who say that they can only make good choices and learn from religion apparently haven't realized yet that one can also make good choices and learn in life without it. Furthermore, if you need your morals spoonfed to you in order to be considered a decent human being, then perhaps the question of how 'good' or moral you really are should be asked. The question people should ask themselves is not whether the Mormon church (or any church for that matter) is good or bad; it's whether they themselves (the people) are (good or bad). And if you can only be defined morally by what your church has taught you, then you are weak.

Page 149 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Don't even get me started on the concept of 'repentance.' That applies to all the churches and religions out there that espouse this idea. If you wrong someone, instead of asking the sky man to forgive you, why don't you (*here comes the clue train*): 1) Ask the person you wronged instead 2) Accept that maybe you don't deserve forgiveness (if you're being that thoughtless about things anyway) 3) Learn what penance really means, and ask yourself how to possibly resolve the problem (or learn to deal with the consequences) Learn to live with some true conviction, and let go of the religion/security blanket. Anonymous on Apr 14 2012, 23:40

Young Fighter, if you are truly 12 as you claim, then I am sad for you because I was the same kind of mormon asshole zealot when I was 12. When you are 12 you have no critical thoughts of your own. You simply regurgitate what you hear others say. As as a mormon, you are kept in the bubble as much as possible so that you do not pick up any thought not approved by the mormons. This is called brainwashing, and this is why mormonism is considered a cult. With regard to you prayers, I also prayed. I prayed to ask if mormonism was wrong and I got the same undescribable feeling telling me that mormonism is false and dangerous. So who's answer is correct? mine or yours? You really have no right to say your prayers are answered and mine are not. However, that is the typical arrogance of mormonism. One day you will realize that all of what you said you believe in your post is completelly incorrect. I hope for your sake, it is sooner than later. You cannot make a claim that mormons don't drink or have sex etc. etc. You can say that many mormons do not, or that mormons should not, but the fact is, mormons do. I have many mormon friends that drink with me. How do you stop a mormon from drinking all your beer on a fishing trip? bring another mormon. mormons are hypocrites. I currently work with a mormon bishop who is having an affair with one of the girls at work. If you are too young to know what an affiar is, it means he is fucking a girl who is not his wife. He fucks her alot! Affairs happens quite often with repressed mormon men and women. I wasted many years of my life on mormonism including 2 years on a mission. I guess in retrospect the mission was not a waste because it was there that I first realized that mormonism was bullshit. Just imagine being in mississippi and trying to explain to a room full of black people why blacks were not allowed to have the preisthood because they were cursed. I was scared as hell and it was worse when I realized that I did not have a legitimate answer. Even worse is the mormon church still does not have a legitimate answer and they are trying to sweep it all under the rug. There is no one alive that can make the claim to "know" that God existis. But I can tell you, if there is a God, it would not be the God that the mormons have created. Please come down off that pedistal of mormon arrogance that you are climbing cause it will be a hard fall. It has taken me some time to heal. Anonymous on Apr 16 2012, 21:56

@Robbie, why in the world would my mom and a missionary share a room? Are you crazy? We don't have sex till we are married. You are just rude and I AM 12!!! WHAT YOU ARE SAYING MEANS NO SENSE EXPLAIN PLEASE. Any who have you looked into my religion as I have advised, have you actually thought about it before cussing Joseph Smith of being a con, no. Like I said before religion is not chosen through facts and things you can see but by faith and things you feel. You will never have a true testimony until you open your heart and look into yourself. Do that then say what religion you believe in. Anonymous on Apr 16 2012, 22:14

I liked Gary. He was able to tell me something very specific about my father who crossed over. Also, my back is better. He is unusual but real. Anonymous on Apr 17 2012, 19:59

Young Fighter, I have little brother who is your age.... My family lives in Provo, and Utah is pretty much all he knows/remembers. No one tries to convert us anymore... except for him. You want to know why? BECAUSE HE'S 11. >.> Truth is not what you believe (that makes no sense). Truth is what remains, even if you don't believe it, even if you don't like it. That can be harder to live with in life sometimes, but it's far more liberating than living in a comfort bubble of denial for the rest of your life. I'm sure you can't even fathom/imagine not being Mormon/believing, because it's all you know; it's also your whole family and a large part of your social circle, right? Well guess what.... Billions of people in this world aren't Mormon, and love their families and friends just as much (and probably oftentimes even more). But, maybe just don't think too much. I'm sure most Mormons would prefer their bubbles to the social stigma/ostracism that would most certainly come with looking for real truth and understanding (and speaking of those thoughts). You are only 12 after all. Good luck to you in life. Anonymous on Apr 19 2012, 01:26

I had been eating this stuff all week. Yesterday was the worst. In meetings all day with horrible churning pain and cramping so bad I thought at moments I may faint. And being in that enclosed space, having to hold it all in. I seriously thought my IBS has escalated to a new level - or that I had something way more serious going on. The worst part was I had concert tickets last night, and I thought I could power my car for the entire hour ride on the amount of gas I was struggling to keep in. I actually ran out of the building, into my car where I could finally let some of this out. There should be a warning label on the box! Anonymous on Apr 19 2012, 07:51

Page 150 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

#82 Had me laughing my ass off! I came here because I Googled "Kashi Go Lean" and it auto-completed .."gives me gas". I am relieved to know that I'm not alone! Anonymous on Apr 19 2012, 09:00

Ate one for lunch at work then 45 minutes later I had ER worthy abdominal pain....THEN suddenly....SHART. The rest of the box was used for backup Halloween candy. I'll see the makers of fiber bars in hell for that one Im sure. Upside: Nobody trick or treats at my house next year. Anonymous on Apr 19 2012, 12:28

Everyone has a right to believe in what they want. I agree that Mormons don't have the most solid story to support their religion but it doesnt mean you have to point it out. They really do believe that and that is their problem so just go believe what you believe and them believe what they believe. Although they are racist, sexist, biglist (it's like racist against religions), and homophobic they are truly nice people. I live in an all Mormon town and I am catholic and the Mormons here are nice. P.S. If you want to be a biglet against Mormons why don't you get off of your computer and go do it in person. Start a campaign to make the Mormon religion illegal or something. Do something productive. Anonymous on Apr 19 2012, 18:46

I crapped myself after one brownie...... DONE! Anonymous on Apr 19 2012, 21:12

OMG I'm laughing so hard, I just had my first bowl tonight and will throw it away, thank God I don't have to work tomorrow....it hasn't started yet, but my tummy is rumbling right now!!!! Anonymous on Apr 19 2012, 22:55

"Although they are racist, sexist, big list - homophobic - they are truly nice people" hahahaha! Hey I can add a few more to your 'big list' Jake.... and they'd include all the faults and failings that we all have as human beings, take 'dishonest' for instance and 'incongruent/hypocritical' etc. It's just that some of us make more of an effort to pursue "good" not by proselytising bullshit (etc) but by extending our humanity within the constraints and inescapable bounds of reality! Anonymous on Apr 20 2012, 00:18

Jake, how can you be a Catholic and live in an "all mormon town"? Anonymous on Apr 20 2012, 00:21 i ate one, next day ate another, today ate 2, finally it dawned on me, its not the guacamole its those fucking fiber one bars. i had training for a new job today, i was in a hurry so i ate the 2nd one. sitting in a conference room my insides had what felt like an army, legions of gas platoons marching up and down my intestines taking up every single bit of space- it was hell. it smelled like brocolli, yucky yucky old overcooked brocolli.....and a little somethin else ??? anyway we had nicely padded seats so at least theres that. its hard to talk to your new boss while trying to sneak out painful stinky gas i mustve had the most fucked up expression on my face in that meeting. this was at 4 today now its after midnight and im still going strong. also this site is hilarious Anonymous on Apr 21 2012, 00:43 this bitch looks like jaba the fucking hut or the after birth Anonymous on Apr 22 2012, 09:21

I work for a female Mormon attorney. This ignorant cunt is such a BITCH!! She has her head so far up her ass she'll never see daylight! So fucking PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE! If I even tried to state the ways in which she is an asshole I'M the one who would sound crazy! Okay, this morning, she went to use the copy machine and she found some checks lying on the glass. I had gone into the room just behind her and she said "These checks aren't yours, are they?" I said "No, they must belong to [name of bookkeeper]." And she said "But they're not yours are they?" ARRRRGGGGGG!!! Didn't my answer imply that they weren't mine, and that I was trying to be helpful by saying who they probably belonged to?? Is she RETARDED or what??? Or is she just trying to maintain her position of control by being an asshole?? just venting . . . . Anonymous on Apr 23 2012, 12:03

Seriously? You believe Mormons are retarded. And the reasons you state are the exact same reasons that athiests say that you are retarded? Non Mormon religions that believe you should pay their church money, say that Mormons, who believe in Jesus Christ, and Christiantiy, are not Christians. That is like saying a car salesman who believes in selling cars is anti sales. Give your head a shake! I could argue that all of you religious hypocrites have no proof to base your religion on, and I would be 100% correct!. Belief in God

Page 151 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

requires a leap of faith. To believe the way your Bible thumping way is the ONLY way to God, is prideful and I don't want to believe the way you do, because that would be a sin. Anonymous on Apr 23 2012, 23:52 im 12 and im a mormon because i like pie yall dont like mormons because you dont have the power of pie 3.14159264 ill see you in hell (try reading the book of mormon) cause i can tell you havent. Anonymous on Apr 24 2012, 00:01

I have had Kashi before, and it has been pretty bad as far as the bloating and gas goes. But this last delicious box, which I have eaten exactly one bowl from is going straight into the trash, unfortunately, as it made me look PREGNANT - yes, very PREGNANT - before unleashing it's unholy fury on my porcelain perch. What the F*ck is this stuff? BRUTAL. Though it is delicious, OUT it goes! I HATE wasting money, and looking terribly pregnant, so I will never buy this stuff again. Really, they stay in business - but how? This is appalling! BTW it is the Kashi Go Lean Crunch. And yes this page had me in tears it was so freaking hilarious. Maybe the laughs are worth it for some! Anonymous on Apr 24 2012, 12:04

Good to see that we have our priorities straight in the process of saving lives. Anonymous on Apr 24 2012, 16:56

OMG!! I tried Kashi Go Lean for the first time and was disappointed because it is too much like Rice Krispies. I thought it would be more like a Granola type cereal, however my son saw an article that refers to cancer from ingredients in this cereal and so as I am goggling for research on this cereal, I've found nothing as it relates to cancer thus far but I can't believe what I'm reading here. I have had so much gas these past few days that I thought maybe my son picked up whole milk instead of skim. I had no idea that Kashi was the reason for this recent explosion of gas, needless to say my son and I are laughing at the comments on here, very funny. I am thinking to give it to my friend for her parrot, the poor bird, lol. Although on a serious note, Doctors say that fibrous foods cause gas but it is good because it is getting rid of the free radicals in our bodies, like an antioxidant, and after a while the gas ceases. In this case the farts are the cleansing process. Worse yet, I was eating mine with yogurt which has the same effect on the stomach. Anonymous on Apr 26 2012, 11:11

Here is my story: Monday, my girlfriend and I were preparing to start our run. I squatted down to tie my shoe...(be sure to put a picture in your head, ok) when I felt a little "pressure" in my lower abdomen I stood up, and the LOUDEST fart came bellowing out my ass, wait hold on, it was NON-STOP!! I promise it was about a good .50 plus seconds looooong!! Ok, I thought WOW! where in the hell did that come from?! Finally the freight train came to an abrupt halt. We looked at each other, both quite embaressed for me but didn't say a word. Alrighty, blew it off (no pun intended), started stretching, and without ANY warning, que, or look outs, it was like smurfs were jumping parachutes out my ass cause it was NON-STOP farting!!! My friend just couldn't hold it back any longer she was laughing soooo hard she literally fell on the fricken ground! After a while, we "thought" everything was out in the open, finished, no more....we started to run. about 3 mins into it, the back firing from the ole' engine started up....AGAIN!! This went on the entire length of our run. (5 miles) She asked me what did I eat? I told her, half a banana, cup of yogurt, and a bowl of Kashi cereal, and a glass of water. She said the min. I said, "Kashi" she KNEW exactly why I was farting so! I could not believe it. So when we got back home, we googled it and sure enough, that was the culprit!! Anonymous on Apr 26 2012, 21:22 i aint a mormon but if i saw you talkin like that to a mormon or anyone else of any faith for that matter, you would be sent to the emergency room. o and fyi if you wanna have your opinions so sound like anything but a pissed off 14 year old bitch that was grounded and screaming "your ruining my life" do real research i just did on the mormons and in ten min. i found out about all the humanitarian work they do around the world. fuckin retard Anonymous on Apr 28 2012, 23:39

Daniel, have you heard of the social welfare provided by Hamas for the Palestinians in the occupied territories? If not, spend another ten studious minutes on Google to perhaps enlighten yourself a little more. And so using your logic, does this “get out of jail free card― also put Hamas beyond criticism and ridicule for the beliefs it purports and sometimes explosively demonstrates? Are you prepared to put someone (presumably smaller than yourself) into the ER if they spoke out against these fucktards? In this black and white world of yours do you feel nice and safe in your ‘white’ corner? Pray tell... “I will be to this generation a new Mohammed― Joseph Smith jnr [confidence trickster and illiterate author of the best selling “Book of Moron― go and grab a copy Dan, it’s GREAT reading] Anonymous on Apr 29 2012, 00:24

Page 152 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I kind of think "you aint a mormon" isnt totally accurate but that aside...... The humanitarian work is really a non-point because the post isnt mormons are bad people. The post is they are f'ing retarded which is true, anyone buying into the bullshit and snake oil joseph smith was peddling is either dumb as a post or f'ing retarded. Pretty much if you believe some dude in the 1800's pulled a religion out of a hat which magic stones, your not all that bright! Anonymous on Apr 29 2012, 00:25

Hey Lostprophet, I've just had this awful thought.... you know how the martyr ethos lives and (unfortunately) breeds in moronic squared circles? Radical Missionaries... you answer the doorbell and before you've had the chance to say "fuck off you retards" (in the politest possible manner) BANG!! "Suicide Missionaries coming to a door near you"... sounds like the introduction to the latest Hollywood Blockbuster, doesn't it? Anonymous on Apr 29 2012, 01:33

OMG!!! I can't breathe I am laughing so hard! I have been in my office all day because I am afraid to move! I sit in a black leather executive chair and it has caught pure H E Double Hockey Sticks all day! Of course, I have to lift up when I blast because if it makes contact with the leather it's going to sound all around town! My son and my husband also eat these bars and when we are all together it sounds like we are in coal mine and blasting is going on! Our favorites are the chocolate and peanut butter and oh they just melt in your mouth they are so delicious, but boy do they take a toll on the old digestive system. I may have to call it quits because I don't think that I can stand feeling like someone stuck a balloon up my rump and filled it with helium gas! Anonymous on Apr 30 2012, 15:21

Ok, Bacon is great, and "Corn King" Bacon, being bacon as it is, is _great_. For those of you that aren't intelligent enough to realize it, Corn King Does indeed have a website, but you see "Corn King" is not the name of the company that makes the bacon, it is the name of the product! The company is Tyson Foods! idiots.... Anyhow, for those that aren't intelligent enough to realize it also, Tyson Foods puts openings on the back of its boxes so that you can see the bacon and its fat quality and content and buy to your preference. I simply open the little opening and choose ones with less fat. Oh, and I do not work for Tyson by the way, I just have little patience for babbling morons and bandwagon jumpers that can't think for themselves.... Anonymous on Apr 30 2012, 16:35

Mormons are wrong. We cannot become gods. We are gods already since Adam and Eve partook the forbidden fruit where they have fallen and be strayed. Alas! What is wrong with them. Jesus said already to the Jews and Pharisees: you are gods. Why are gods, because we know good and evil. Well, I hope you understand what I said, because we are gods. We are minor gods. Since, we all have many and lots of intelligent people who are clever and geniuses and intelligent. You are gods. Because Jesus was right. Anonymous on Apr 30 2012, 17:58

So we're all "gods" then are we? Hmm, must remember to tell my ex-wife that... Hey if Nazareth didn't exist during Jesus's time (it didn't), then what are the odds Jesus existed? and... imagine (if he did exist) the story about the "good" Samaritan being translated into modern day text as "The Story of the Good Native American Indian" or "The Good Aborigine... or Greek, Japanese, Irishman" etc. The obvious implication being that the named above aren't usually 'good'. What Jesus a racist? Never.... Here's a good one "The Story of the Good Mormon". Does it for me... Anonymous on May 1 2012, 04:16

I am in tears, laughing at this thread. I love those bars, too! Trying to eat a bit healthier, so I tried one of my girlfriend's. I could not believe how great they taste and the havoc they create! Anonymous on May 1 2012, 18:46

I'm glad to see that 600 other people had the same experience and it was not just me. I had 4 of these bars last night and I had the worst bloating and stomach pain ever. I had too many farts to count--probably in the realm of 200-300--just today. Anonymous on May 1 2012, 20:42

OMG I've come home!! I found you all by the grace of God...this is the KGL farters anonymous support group....just started eating Kashi Go Lean, which I love, but never put two and two together....I thought it was all the salad I was eating.....needless to say I could basically drive my car home from work on pure fart power and without the windows open would have asphyxiated myself. On top of the explosive gas is the occasional colon cleanse which on occasion happened at work...quite to my dismay. I was crying laughing at all the stories....just glad I'm not alone. Anonymous on May 3 2012, 17:39

I recent some of the comments concerning the Carnival religion. Individuals who posted those comments are very ignorant and cannot write. As far as the Mormon religion is concerned, so they do not follow the traditional Christian beliefs. My neighbors are Mormon, and they have never pushed their religion on me and my husband. In fact, they have helped us when our baby was born. They took care of our six year old for a week. Not too many people nowadays, including "Christians", would do this. Yes, their beliefs are very different, but they should not continue to be persecuted because they are following their religion. We live in a free country, ay least now. Most Mormons are true followers. At least they are not a sadistic religion-my opinion. Anonymous on May 4 2012, 01:00

Page 153 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I would suggest Mary that you have some very decent neighbours who happen to be Mormon. Have they been so kind to you and your family because their religion has told them to be, or because they're just decent people? Does a decent person have to be defined by their beliefs or by their actions irrespective of their beliefs? And there's a huge difference between 'persecution' and ridicule. It's got to be remembered how some members of minority groups love to play the 'victim' card. "Help help, I'm being repressed". I think re Mormons, Scientologists and other more mainstream death cults (such as Catholicism, Islamism... Evangelism etc) it's a sad reflection upon their creed when they need to be reminded every Sunday (or whenever) how to be good. Please, somebody disagree with me. Anonymous on May 4 2012, 02:32

I, Derek Feldman, love to see pictures of poop. Please send me pics of poop in my email. Anonymous on May 5 2012, 23:41

This blog stinks as much as I do after a crunchy bowl of Kashi Go Lean. I think my body now runs on gas. If I want to keep eating this stuy, I need to buy a dog to blame the smell on. Glad I am not alone here! Anonymous on May 6 2012, 22:05

So. I ate HALF A BOX in an afternoon while reading for a couple of night classes. During the entire FIVE HOURS of class time I sat blowing up like a student-shaped Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon for all of my I will not fart in grad school discipline. It hurt. During the break of the last class I speed walked to be first in the bathroom, then hustled to the other side of the building a minute later, then another minute and I had to jog to the STAIRWELL to avoid some classmates and set such an echo off in there that I started laughing uncontrollably. I actually texted my husband about that one! On the way back to class I had to duck into an empty classroom. Not my favorite way to spend a ten minute break. Anonymous on May 7 2012, 01:56

Why do you people care if mormons are brainwashed I was raised Mormon ya it still makes me mad to hear mormons bitching about there finances and then giving away 10% but that is there choice it don't hurt me none. All you arrogant athiest you cannot prove anything mormons and the hardcore athiets both say the same retarded thing I know what happens after death and I know how the universe was created no one know no one will ever no til the annunaki cone back and bring the new era Anonymous on May 7 2012, 10:53 i looked at all the bars offered in the market and remembered the fart sensation afforded by the fiber one units.. i just had to see if it was true. well it was true, about 2 hrs 3 bars later every time i moved a cheek i ripped one. funny at first, but when they didn't stop squeezing out when meeting clients regrets ensued. kinda nice to get some of the old farts back for their lack of acknowledgement when they let go, and the gym has been hilarious - blamed on amino farts! Anonymous on May 8 2012, 17:09

Wow. A lot of you are "fucktards"! Sure, mormonism is complete bullshit, but in all honesty, the members of the LDS church remain more faithful and kind-hearted than most other christians that I have met. how can any of you bash them but not bash Catholicism, which is just as full of shit and hypocritical. I know what I am talking about too, having attended catholic mass and being a member of LDS when I was younger. I have done my research and there are actually a few accounts of women having multiple husbands(although that could be bullshit). Interesingly enough, it is said that the early days of mormonism taught that polygamy increased ones chances of attaining godhood and the multiple wives were needed to populate the multiple worlds these men would be god of. Yes pretty fucked up. But do some research. Polygamy is not just condoned but encouraged in the bible. Say what you will of mormons but at least most of them are true to their faith and they are nice people wbich is more than I can say of most catholics I have met. In my experiences, however, most kind-hearted intelligant people I have me are agnostic and atheist. And a little known fact; agnostics and atheists make up less than 1 % of the prison population. All organized religion is ridiculously absurd. Especially the abrahamic religions(christianity, islam, judeism). But as I said, mormons(even though they are accused by other christians of not being christian) are more so what christians should be than other christians. So much fucking hypocrisy! And again(so there is no confusion), mormons are nice and helpful people but still just as mislead and moronic as the rest. I will leave you with a quote. Whoever guesses the the person I quote gets a cookie; "If we believe in absurdities, we shall commit atrocities" Anonymous on May 9 2012, 01:42

If you want the best combo fart, meaning high decibels as well as good texture (fire cracker sound), eat the Fiber One bars with plain yogurt or greek yogurt. It will turn your noob farts into pro in no time. Anonymous on May 9 2012, 17:11

The difference between the two that makes mormon followers dumb is that the bible has be around since way before "modern" science and knowledge, it would have been real easy for a clever person to pass off "my god did it" to explain the things that were not understood which mind you was simple shit today like rain and not pulling out. Then its past on and on through several generations of your family, until the smart ones choose to think for themselves and realize all that is FAIRLY unlikely. For mormons a conartist made that stuff up in the 1800's, by that time anybody thinking this idiot dug up gold plates and used, um, "magic seer stones" to translate them in a hat and when tested couldnt even get the same translation twice is also dumb or slow. You can put any combination of rocks and minerals on any combination of gold plates all day and never once come up with child brides and polygamy are ok! It should never have been passed on by anyone, they should have said joseph smith, you sir are an idiot then beat him and had him committed. That said i cant prove that no god of any kind exists but if god created us an the planet for us and were all special, why arent we even the center of anything? Not the solar system, galaxy or universe. Youd think if we were that special we'd not be set out aside like an afterthought or eventual end result of something else, right? Anonymous on May 10 2012, 00:33

The origin of existence cannot be treated as evidence for god. If you believe that god is an eternal being, why the fuck can't matter be an eternal existence as well? Where did god come from? Explain to me the origin of god, and I'll give you the argument. Until then you remain a stupid cunt, in my humble opinion.

Page 154 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Faith, what horse shit? Believing in something that cannot be proven. Need we explore the falsity any further? Also, you religious cunts claiming that any resistance to your faith merits proof.. holy shit.. definitely retarded. Lastly, those claiming to derail atheism based on the burden of proof. You have got to be shitting me. The burden of proof lies upon the claiming party. Atheism is a lack of belief, not a belief. This shit is so simple, I don't understand how so many people in the world are religious. It's SO. FUCKING. FAIL. Anonymous on May 10 2012, 02:04

I was recently asked (incidentally by a Mormon) why I perceived a non-existant [sic] god to be such a threat. Face palm. Now, I’m pretty seasoned in this debate - as this person is too, but on receiving such a stupid fucking question rather than reply with equally stupid fucking answer (such as “he told me that he was―) I inquired as to what they didn’t believe in. And then went on to state how unprovable pink dildos in orbit around Uranus (or was it a china celestial teapot between Earth and Mars?) don’t preach to me moral guidelines on how to live my life, nor do they threaten Hell (or worse) Heaven and … (to quote George Carlin, not Voltaire) “More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason―; now how many of you out there know of warring factions who fight with an imaginary pink dildo on their side? Anonymous on May 10 2012, 04:16

Ok so I gave up the fiber one bars and ththe farts quit! Hallaluya! So now I'm on flax seed. You buy the seeds ground them up. Guess what? It's back.my grandkid said bad grandma. So I do believe they are one of the same. Anonymous on May 10 2012, 20:09

What a relief to know it isn't appendicitis or an ulcer. I have been trying to figure out what was going on with me for the last three days. Those evil little edible instruments of torture ruined Mother's Day. My husband and I had to leave my mother-in-law's house early because I was so afraid of embarassing myself. On the way home I started thinking...could it be the Fiber One Bars? After all, I did have two last night, and there has to be a reason that I have farted at least (literally,as you all know) 50 times today. Thank God for Google. Now I just need to do another search and find out how long it takes for them to work themselves out of your system. I am not leaving the house until this digestive carnival ceases. Anonymous on May 13 2012, 19:37

I too have uncontrollable gas after eating fiber one bars and cereal! It's amazing! HAHA Anonymous on May 14 2012, 15:55

When man came on this earth he had no explantation for so many things. He didn't know why people die and what happens to them after they die. How they got here etc so they started making up stories to comfort people. If they think they are going to heaven when they die then they aren't freaking out. If they are good they will get eternal life. So that gave people the incentive to do what is right. Then everyone keep adding to the stories and changing things around. Adding rules and regulations. It's all man made. If there was no intelligent life on earth would there be a god? It has to take an intelligent person to stop and think about it. Therefore man had to invent god. Out of the whole humungous universe earth is just a speck. Can you really believe that we are the only living beings out here? NOT! But yet "god" picked earth for mother, moses, Joseph, and Jesus etc. to come and do their thing. Now explain to me this arc thing. that thing had to be as big as San Francisco to put all those animals ( that don't fight or eat each other) on this boat with enough food and water. Who scooped all that poop up? Come on. Made up people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway I hate the mormons because they have brainwashed my granddaughter and now she is a lost cause. They will have her married at 18 and having kids the first year. The more kids she has the more tithing the church gets. Well just wanted to put my thoughts out there Anonymous on May 15 2012, 21:19

I am Mormon. But I fucking hate being Mormon!!!! Let me tell from someone who has tried to be brainwashed! All the fucking Mormons are retarded rude AF and don't give a shit about anyone else they think they are so much fucking better than everyone else and that everyone should be Mormon! They don't care who you are they just want you to be Mormon so they can shove their beliefs so far up your fucking ass you choke they are brainwashing the entire world well they are trying at least. But I have been going almost every sunday for 15 years and not EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE has something good come out of it. Truth be told before I was pretty Molly Mormon and from what I have seen and how I have been treated I will personally teach my kids as fucking much as possibly how fucked up this religion and church is!!!!! They say they are here to help you NOPE they are here to personally judge your past and any weakness they can find!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU MORMONS!!!!!!! Anonymous on May 15 2012, 22:38

These evil bars almost got me thrown out of a mall one night. Who does this?? Create such a wonderful product and never warn us how awesome the farts will be!!! This video is proof of their effects on the human body... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sfuSZ3Nkkk Anonymous on May 15 2012, 23:00

Wow...You do relize that you gave no evidence as to why you feel the way you do? I am a Mormon and I can tell you that Joseph Smith was not shot in the fact but in the chest. I know this because as he fell out the window with his dieing breath he proclaimed "My Lord, my God." Also we do not beleive everything, we are presented our books of scriptures along with the Bible, and modern day revelation from our modern prophets and then take what we have learned and pray and ponder so that we might know for ourselves. There are still things that I am struggling to understand, but God's mind does not work like ours. Please remember that there are extreemests and crazys in everys sect and that we are only trying to make the world a better place. If you really want to understand who we are and what we believe in, not what is preached on websites like this then pick up a Book of Mormon or check out the Mormon.org website. I am not saying that you need to convert, only that if it scares you that much then maybe you need to try to understand it instead of ranting about it here without any evidence or leverage. Anonymous on May 16 2012, 01:59

Page 155 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I didn't think much about fiber one bars until today. I always have been able to eat one as a snack and have no problem. Today I ate three for lunch and went on my way. Biggest mistake ever. The pressure in my abdomen made it hard to sit, hard to walk, hard to hide my discomfort from my students. I have never been so grateful to have students late for class as now. I need that extra time to get the extra air out. Anonymous on May 16 2012, 05:33

You have no idea (if there is a god) how his mind works, it honestly could work exactly like ours? Also there person who shot joseph smith did the world a service its just too bad they didnt do it several years earlier before he made up your religion, had that happened id concider him a hero. And you say "Also we do not beleive everything", honestly if you can say this half of my religion is fake/made up but the other half is 100% accurate (based on no facts because there arent any facts), your an idiot! If your religion is half lies you should rethink things and wonder why your wasting time with bullshit! And why trust a church that controls your life all they way down to your underwear! Mormons are a giant failure and i hope for the end of the world so we can all point and laugh at how they are all just as f*cked as the rest of us! Anonymous on May 16 2012, 13:48

Too smart for "gods", I am sorry you believe what you do, I never said that my religion was full of lies, I said that I am still seeking and pondering to know and understand some of the things about my religion that I don't yet understand. I do not see my religion controling, as for our underwear it isd a symbol of protection, you can choose not to wear it if you wish, but I don't see why you wouldn't. Please do not attack me just because this is what I believe, give an arguement against what I have said, not against me myself. Anonymous on May 16 2012, 19:02

Your con-man/prophet could not even retranslate the "magic gold plates" the same way as the first time when tested to do so. How do you trust any of what someone cant even translate the same way twice? Once you change the details its nolonger translating your just making stuff up and it becomes obvious that you were doing so the whole time. If you still beleive joseph smith's teachings knowing that and you are just the kind of person snake oil and special underwear was made for! Anonymous on May 17 2012, 01:49

My husband and I eat fiber bars all of the time. The gas they cause is hilarious! I'm not sure what else is in your diets that makes your farts stink so bad, but it's not the fiber bars. When we fart from these bars, there is little to no odor. We generally have a pretty healthy diet, with the occasional stinky fart bomb, but nothing like what I am reading in these posts. If most of you would reevaluate what else you are eating throughout the day, the gas produced by the fiber bars will not be nearly smelly, but equally as loud, long and hilarious! Anonymous on May 17 2012, 08:56

Oh wow I was about to schedule a doctors appointment. I was bloating up like no ones business and had to keep taking numerous bathroom breaks just to have some sort of release even though more just came. I'm sure it sounded like there was military training going on in the bathroom. I was even scaring my cats. Pretty sure I lifted off the couch at one point-either that or the cushion compressed so quickly from the blast it blew away from me. Either way, one of us moved and there was a moment of floating. Wow...to top it off it off I started personal training. I was trying my best to "swallow' my gas though all it did was travel through me and crush my heart. I was sweating bullets trying to make it through my workout. Anonymous on May 17 2012, 12:37 yall are not doing it right, gotta drink a 12 pack and eat some hot wings . . . like 25 min before ya eat the kashi. bout 2 hours later i can burp hot fire. i can smoke a cig and burp up smoke ten min after i finished smoking. if ya hit yourself in the top of the chest right before ya burp and get serious volume. kashi is awesome. just add furit and booze to the equation Anonymous on May 18 2012, 02:41

I just posted the link to this page on the KashiGoLean page. Hahaha! http://www.kashi.com/products/golean_crunch?utm_campaign=Brand_Cereal&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_content= Cold%2520Cereal_GoLean&utm_term=kashi%2520golean%2520crunch Anonymous on May 18 2012, 22:52

THESE TASTY, DELICIOUS, SCRUMPTOUS LITTLE BARS WILL LURE YOU IN WITH THIER TASTY GOODNESS. BEWARE!!! THEY HAVE A SEVERE ADVERSE AFFECT ON MY COLON. EVERY TIME I EAT THESE I HAVE EXTREME PROBLEMS WITH EXTREME, SEVERE GAS AND GOING TO THE BATHROOM. IT SERIOUSLY EMPTIES MY STOMACH OUT BUT ALSO EXTREME DISCOMFORT!!! I THOUGHT TO MYSELF IT CAN'T BE THESE LITTLE BARS. THEY TASTE SOOOO GOOD. WRONG!!! AFTER READING ALL THESE WRITE UPS I'M NOW CONVINCED. GET BEHIND ME SATAN AND TAKE YOUR LITTLE BARS WITH YOU. Anonymous on May 19 2012, 12:02

Oh my goodbess I thought I was the only one. I thought it was IBS it a new case of lactose intolerance haha. I'm so glad I finally know what has been causing the backfires from trying to hold in my farts during class. I will not be eating these again. Anonymous on May 19 2012, 12:05

Thank you for the great laugh and making me realize what I'm experiencing is normal. I started crying I was laughing so hard. Anonymous on May 19 2012, 21:34

Thomas Monson Mormon profit direct quotation: "I was not with joseph, but I believe him. My Faith did not come to me through science, and I will not permit so-called science to destroy it."

Page 156 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Nikky, there are "things in your religion" that you don't yet understand" because they are incomprehensible, fabricated rubbish. Stuff that that "so-called science" has proven wrong time and time again. BTW the only thing your sweaty cult polyester jesus jamies are protecting you from, is smelling good. Anonymous on May 20 2012, 00:22

Joseph Smith was an "uneducated farmer" who translated the book of Mormon, therefore Mormonism must be true. Mohammed was an illiterate man who wrote the Koran. Does that validate Islam? Bet you won't find many Mormons who think so. Same crap, different con artist. Anonymous on May 20 2012, 03:37

I’ve often wondered how Mormon magical knickerbockers cope with the stubborn-stained reality of skid-marks. Anonymous on May 20 2012, 03:50

To Elder Matumbo, yes. There are things that I do not yet understand, but that is only because I have not studied them out in my heart yet. I fully beleive in the Book of Mormon. I do believe that Islam and all religions have a grain of truth in them. We never ask or tell people to abandon what they believe, only that they consider and ponder in their hearts that they might know for themselves if Mormonism is true and add to their own beliefs through it. Robbie, to answer your question about garments, if garments are stained or ruined some how then they must be thrown away. They are symbols of covenants that we make in the Temple and of purity. "No unclean thing may enter the kingdom of God." Anonymous on May 20 2012, 09:46

Glad to know I'm not alone re: the "Kashi Konsequences." First noticed it when I brought some to work, in an attempt to have a healthful, high-protein breakfast of KGL on some greek-style yogurt. Not long after eating I was beset by some big-time stomach rumbling, and then came the thunderclaps. Fortunately for my cubicle neighbors, I made it to the restroom first, but once there the sheer volume (both in sound and size) stunned the other occupants. I heard a person who was talking on a cell phone (note: who does that in a bathroom??) ask the other party, "Did you HEAR that??" This kind of severe gas reminded me of past experiences with eating soy, and when I later read the ingredients on the Kashi box, my suspicions were confirmed. But the same thing happened after eating Bear Naked granola, whose ingredient list excludes soy. Anonymous on May 20 2012, 14:34

You dont understand them because you have not studied them out in your heart? Thats pretty funny, i dont know what the elders have been feeding you but your heart isnt for studying things out..... Your heart is dumb, its meant to pump blood and keep you alive not for any kind of thought! If you want to come up with the right answers try thinking for yourself instead of letting the church do it for you, also id suggest you use your brain for that thinking not your heart. Because if you use your heart you may believe things like there was a lost tribe of jews in early america and that jesus came here too...... But if you use your brain you realize those claims are stupid. Anonymous on May 20 2012, 21:56

Nikky, the only time I will pray is now: Dear God, please tell us that Nikky is just playing with us when she says no unclean underwear may enter the kingdom of god. Please jesus, tell us that she does not seriously believe this, because if this is what mormons now believe, there is no hope. The next thing Nikky will tell us is that Obama will need a birth certificate (long form) to enter the lowest level of mormon heaven. God, please save us from the mormon cult that has warped sister Nikki's brain. inthenameofjesuschrist amen. Anonymous on May 21 2012, 00:00

RAmen... Anonymous on May 21 2012, 08:56

Elder Matumbo,Please do not put words into my mouth. I would never say that about our president or anyone. I was not saying that unclean underwear couldn't enter heaven. I was speaking of men and women. Our garments are a representation of how we strive to stay pure, that is all I was saying. Anonymous on May 21 2012, 12:54

Nikky, it does take guts for a mormon to come to a website that alledges that mormons are fucking retarded, but if you review what you are defending, you will see how silly it is. Can you please tell me how the strange mormon underwear is a representaton of how to stay pure? Why has the mormon underwear changed over the years? It used to go all the way to the wrists and the ankles, then up to just below the knee and short sleeves. Now they are above the knee and very short sleeves. Seems they are getting smaller and smaller. Does this mean mormons need less reminding to stay pure these days? You have to wonder why your church evolves with the times, you would think if god gave joseph smith rules in the 1800's they should still apply today and if they don't they were bullshit from the start.

Also, what I can't comprehend is your 'word of wisdom" your doctrine and covenants say no "hot drinks" what does this mean? I see mormons drinking hot coco, herbal tea, and cup a soup all of the time. It can't be because coffee and tea have caffine, because mormons suck back gallons and gallons of Diet Coke, Pepsi, Mountain Dew and Red Bull. Don' t you ever just stop and say WTF? When a religion dictates what you eat and drink, what you should wear, (including the masonic underwear), how much you must give in offerings (10%) to get to heaven, tells you how and how not to have sex. (no oral sex, no masturbating, no porn, etc.), pressure you to get married at 18-19 and have lots of babies, and tell you who to worship (Jesus, Joseph Smith). All these things make up the

Page 157 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

exact definition of a cult. I would also like to know why a true religion of God would dissallow full membership and participation to Black people for so long. Only when it became a civil rights issue and public pressure did kimball have a "revelation" that changed the rule. Only a racist cult would say that Native Americans would become "whte and delightsome" if they became mormons. For your own well being, please consider what kind of organization you are defending. Anonymous on May 21 2012, 22:55

Elder Matumbo, I do consider my relgion every day, every moment of every day. It is a huge part of who I am. If you or anyone else were to tell me to just be myself without infulance from my religion I would not be able to do that. I have spent years and months searching for the truth of the LDS religion. I can say that I have truely found for myself that it is true. Second I would like to ask that before you judge my religion and people please do not rely on ANYTHING you find on the internet or in books about Mormonism unless it has been written by a member of the first presidency of our church. There are way too many hate websites for every religion to take anything seriously unless it was written by the church. I have no idea if garments have been changed, I do know that if they were then there was a good reason for it. Third, as too the Word of Wisdom, the wording is strange, the Doctrine and Covenants are written in the same language as the Bible. Hot and strong drink refer to coffee, tea and alcohal. There are some who take that to mean caffinated sodas as well, but not all of us agree with that. Fourth, I have asked sometimes why i can't wear tank tops by themselves and why I can't listen to some music. As I grew however I relized that I could if I really wanted. I had a choice in everything that I did, but those choices have concequences. I now look at those covenants that I have made with God and relize that those rules are exactly what make me free. I will never wake up one morning with a hang over wondering what I did the night before, I wont get pregnant before marrage and I will never question who my father's children are. I am not saything that everyone struggles with that, but the truth is many people have. My sister is one of those people. The rules given to me and those of my religion feel freedom WHEN we follow the rules we are free from the devils snares. We all have a choice and agency. We wont be shunned or hated for making mistakes. We are human, we all make mistakes. As to the question about the Black people. We never said they could not join us, at the time we could not give them the preisthood. If you read the Bible you will see that the preisthood has always been given to only a select group of people. Today is the first time that the preisthood has ever been open to any worthy male.If you have any more questions feel free to ask and please really think about my words before dismissing them. I am not trying to convert you, I just want the wrong ideas about my religion gone. Anonymous on May 22 2012, 18:57

Nikky, you say you found for yourself that LDS is true? Thats a bold faced lie unless youve died and come back to write about it you have 100% absolutely no idea what if any religion is true, they are designed that way! You can say you believe it to be true, but no, you did not FIND IT TO BE TRUE! Anonymous on May 22 2012, 20:41

Nikky Just so you know, if you look at previous posts you will see I was a mormon for over 35 years and went on a mission in the deep south of the USA. For the first 3 years of university, I studied religion at school and at seminary. I specifically studied mormonism because at the time I was a mormon living in the mormon bubble and I wanted information to defend my faith. I did NOT find that information, and once out of the bubble, I did find very much the opposite. I already know the answers to all the questions I have asked you. I was just interested to see what you had to say. I have to tell you that much of your information is incorrect and the rest is without substance. This is the problem with current mormonism. Most mormons do not really know what they believe or why they believe it. For most, it has become a lifestyle. You attested to this when you say that without your religion you would be nothing. The mormon church is working hard on whitewashing the past and the history of mormonism. Most mormons are like you, they attempt to defend a faith that they really know nothing about. You had no substansial answers to my questions about the word of wisdom, or the history of black men getting the priesthood. I was asked many times about this on my mission, and neither I, nor my mission president could not find a legitimate answer. Just the typical bullshit answer that Gods ways are sometime beyond our understanding. Utter bullshit! You say you have choice, and "agency". You are correct, you have choice, but if you choose against the rules of the church, you will be disfellowshipped or excommunicated. So this is really not a choice or free agency. Contray to what you claim, mormons ARE shunned and hated for making mistakes, and choosing to think for themselves. You say you "feel freedom when you follow the rules" what a goddam contridiction! Your church claims to allow everyone "free agency" or the freedom of choice, but then they send millions of dollars to California in attempt to take away the freedom of choice of other human beings to choose who they marry and how they live. The arrogance, the hypocrisy! You belong to a racist, bigoted, misogynistic, homophobic cult of lazy hypocrites to which there is no defence. I say lazy because mormons have become too lazy to think for themselves. They allow the church leaders to do the thinking for them. If you pull your head out of tommy monsons ass long enough to have some thoughts of your own. You may find that you are really not retarded, but that mormonism has made you look and act that way. Anonymous on May 22 2012, 22:30

March 19, 2012 'I’m Here Tryin’ to Get Some Obama Bucks!' Shocking Welfare Video that HBO Tried to Kill Alexandra Pelosi debuted a video she made for HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher" last night. The video shows multiple welfare recipients in New York City proclaiming they were at the welfare office to get their "Obama bucks" and that they supported Obama because he "gives me stuff." Pelosi reported that people at the HBO headquarters in New York had said to her "you can't show this" even though just last week the ran a controversial video showing Mississippi voters saying inflammatory things against the president.

To her credit, and to Bill Maher's, they showed the video and openly discussed how liberals would hate it. Pelosi said "I didn't have to

Page 158 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

go far to find 'freeloading welfare queens.'" They were, in fact, right across the street from her New York City home. http://nation.foxnews.com/welfare/2012/03/19/i-m-here-tryin-get-some-obama-bucks-shocking-welfare-video-hbo-tried-kill Anonymous on May 23 2012, 05:32

As with Elder Matumbo, I also wish to acknowledge the courage that Nikky has shown for coming onto this forum. I’d also like to add that I personally don’t just single out Mormon beliefs and actions for legitimate ridicule, but also those of many other cults including the most grandiose and elitist of them all – the Roman Catholic Church (led by a protector of child rapists). So please Nikky don’t feel as if this is a personal attack against your good character. After all we’re all entitled to our own delusions and are free to select the religious instiller of our choice (with the exception of children of course). Anonymous on May 23 2012, 05:39

Elder Matumbo, I am really sorry to hear that you feel this way. I have to disagree with you. I do know that there are those who judge others for their choices. No one is perfect. For some reason people expect us to be perfect. I wish that I were perfect but I have made many mistakes. I know about disfellowshipment and excamunication becasue recently my own sister was first disfellowed then excamunicated because of her choices. The reasons for these actions is to protect the good name of the church. I can tell you that no, I do not have all of the answers, but I do know my religion fairly well. At the moment I am prepairing to go on a mission of my own. I do know the history of my religion, there are things that we did that I am not proud of, but like I mentioned above, no one on this earth except Christ is perfect. How is feeling good when I follow the rules a contradiction exactly? As for the fight against gay marriage, I love the gay people. Some of my best friends are gay, but at the same time I do not agree with their life style and I hate that we deny them marriage, but I will stand up for what God wants. Marriage is between a man and woman only, that does not mean that I do not love the gay people, because I do. Last of all I am not lazy, I work two jobs and am going to school for Phsycology. If anything I know how to work hard. I do not rely on church leaders to make choices for me or tell me everything. I listen to what they have to say then pray and ponder to know for myself if that is true. Anonymous on May 23 2012, 10:40 this is inappropriate. Anonymous on May 24 2012, 16:53

Nikky, I think one of the definitions of insanity is providing a mormon with volumes of evidence proving that the mormon church is a false religion with a false prophet, and then expecting them to consider any of it. I have to say that I am happy for your sister, and I hope that she can get past the guilt imposed on her by the mormons, and realize that she is now far better off. Tell her to keep going and not look back. I wish I could have gone that route. I would like to suggest you reconsider your comment suggesting your sister tarnished the churches "good name". The "church" is doing a very good job of that themselves. I did not call you lazy as far as work ethic goes.The comment was not personal. I called mormons lazy for not using critical thinking skills. Perhaps I should have more accuratey stated that mormons are weak minded in the Jonestown way. You mentioned that you do not have all the answers to your religion and are preparing to go on a mission. I would suggest that you look for all answers before you go out and try to convert people to the mormon way. I am hoping that once you realize that there are no real answers to your questions, you may reconsider. However, I don't think that will happen, so I wish you well with the "best two years of your life" I testify to you that joseph smith is rolling over in is grave because he is so pissed off that he was shot before he could cash in on his scam, and even more pissed that tommy monson is. Anonymous on May 25 2012, 01:45

Every one of Christ's apostles were killed in a horrendous way. You are perhaps one of the most uninformed religious idiots I've heard. Try a little education. Anonymous on May 25 2012, 13:40

For some letting go of your religion is like letting go of a repeatedly cheating long term partner. Invoking that same tumultuous dynamic; intellectually you'll be way ahead of your emotions and the cognitive dissonance can pull you apart as reality clashes with old loyalties. Without support, it can be an incredibly hard place to be. And that's why many prefer to live the lie than bite the bullet, believing that if you believe something hard enough... it will become true. There are other coping mechanisms, but that would take a few paragraphs... Anonymous on May 25 2012, 18:52

Nancy is so mad she pooped a little bit in her secret garments. Nikky says you better destroy them because when you die st. peter will be checking, and if you have skidmarks on your jesus jammies its outer darkness for you!

I believe that God wants the New Jersy Devils to win the stanley cup. Go Devils! Anonymous on May 27 2012, 02:50

It's weird I had two bars and I only had a little gas, nothing horrible. Guess I'm special. Anonymous on May 28 2012, 11:41

Page 159 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Wow.I am a phycology major, I don't think that would constitute as someone who is weak minded. I do think for myself, in fact there was a time when I really struggled with my religion, I didn't know if it was true or not and so I did things I was not proud of then really searched to know for myself which church, if any was true. I came back to the Church of Jesus Chrust of Latter-Day Saints. There is no way to scientificly prove the Book of Mormon to be true no, but if people would open their hearts and let the spirit speak to them then truth would be found wheather it be Mormonism or some other religion. I am not so stupid as to think that everyone will agree with me. Like I said before I mearly want to nip the lies and misconseptions about my religion at the bud. As for 'finding all the answers' Brother Matumbo, no one has all the answers. Scientists are always searching for more truth to many things, the same goes for religion. We are here to learn, what would be the point of being here if we already knew everything there was to know? I am progressing and while I don't have all the answers I know that I know what I need to know and that as I continue to grow and progess then I will understand more about the world around me and myself. No one can say they know everything about the world or themselves, but I can say this, I believe in everything that I have been taught by my church leaders. All that is left is to find the knowledge, but with that comes the loss of faith, faith is belief in things that are not seen which are true. Anonymous on May 28 2012, 14:12

"Faith is belief in things that are not seen which are true" Then how do you know they’re true? By which facility do you determine truth from bullshit? Faith by these terms Nicky is wishful thinking or (to be less kind) delusional. By the way, you majored in phycology? Wow I didn’t know such qualification existed… must be fascinating studying algae, am intrigued to know what attracted you to this field. Anonymous on May 28 2012, 18:27

Good one Robbie! Major in Phycology, minor in English, Must have been at BYU. Phycology is the abilty to talk asparagus down off of a ledge. Anonymous on May 28 2012, 21:34

Oh Nickky why can't you get it. In one breath you say you don't know all the answers to your religion. You said to me that there are many things you don't know or understand because you have not studied them in your heart. In the next breath you say you want to "nip the lies and misconceptions about your religion in the bud". If you dont know or understand the lies and misconceptions, how in the hell are you qualified to defend against them? The answer is that you are NOT! You are just regurgitating mormon sound bytes. "I studied for myself and I know the church is troooooo". "Read the book of mormon and pray and you will know its trooooooo". Joseph smit is a trooooooooo profit of god. You are right. no one has all the answers, but I do have this answer and it is that mormonism is bullshit. Joseph smits story is bullshit, and tommy monson is not a prophet! Tell me one thing he has prophesied? waiting...... ? waiting...... NOTHING. What is the last thing a mormon profit has prophesied since bringem young? NOTHING. At least Brigam Young had the guts to make up some prophesies so he could claim to be a prophet. (Quakers on the moon etc.etc, There are volumes of his so called prophesies. All Hinkley could say is that "we dont know" or I'm not sure we believed that" Hopefully you can get you pycology degree and heal thyself. Anonymous on May 28 2012, 22:15

Faith can be determined by a feeling in your heart. It may seem delusional, but I have felt it and I would like to believe I have great faith. Do you know how the universe came to be? Do you know how gravity works? If you do I would love to know the answers. Until then I am content with faith. As for the Physcology thing, that was a typo. Phsycology is what I ment to say. Anonymous, I don't quite understand what your purpose was in mispelling true and our prophets names. It is Joseph Smith, and Thomas S. Monson. Brigam Young and Joseph Smith were the only two prophets to record their prophesies in the Doctrine and Covanents before it was published, but that does not mean that we do not get prophesies and direction today. Every six months we have a General Conferance where the Prophet and Apostles speak to us all over the world through tv and radio brodcast and inbetween that time we have ward and Stake confrencess where our local leaders talk to us. We read their words every month and they do make prophesies, they are just not as well known because they are not published in the Doctrine and Covenants. For instance one prophet declaired that the prophecy of Elija that the hearts of the father would turn to the children and the hearts of the children would turn to their fathers, has been brought to pass and that 9/11 was the completion of another biblical prophacy. I can find the references for you if you would like. Anonymous on May 29 2012, 01:50

I'm honestly not a spelling Nazi as often slip up myself Nikky! And I know many intelligent people who can be quite dyslexic when it comes to grammar and writing structure. But it's 'psychology' dear. [ And please note that phycology is actually the study of algae - I guessed that you may have slipped up (it was a bit strange) but didn't know.] As a psychology major I guess you'd also know about psychosomatics and the recent studies/discoveries in neuroscience. When I was studying (both) I was just amazed at how bio-mechanical we all actually are, and indeed how easy it is to be fooled. Stop asking 'why' and begin looking at the 'how' (via psychology) and things just start making evidential sense! Well they did for me. Anonymous on May 29 2012, 02:43 hello, RCG back again, I stopped eating the fiber bars for a week or so b/c I hadn't been to the store so I finally got back to my 90 calorie brownies. I ate one for breakfast at work, 1 hour later I am already letting them slip out, I blame the smell on people heating food up in the kitchen. Can you people even believe that something so small and not even that filling is capable of delivering such unpleasant odors. It is as though I just ate 4 cans of pork and beans. This is gonna go on all day I just know it! My cubicle walls are already brown! Anonymous on May 29 2012, 09:38

Nikky As usual, a Mormon cannot answer a question. You were asked about a current prophesy. Your only examples are about Eliga and the hearts of the children? Whatever the hell that means. And then you site some bibilical prophesy about 911? Is this really the best you can do? Is this really the most current prophesy you can quote? Nostradomas has more accurate prophesies that any

Page 160 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

mormon prophet. Your prophets on TV and radio are just typical televangilists demanding everyone to pay their tithing (full 10%) or risk the fires of hell. You can pick up one of your church ensigns from 1975,1980,1990,2012 and it is all the same repetitive crap. There is nothing new! NO modern prophesies, no new information, just reworked stories of losing 5 dollars and praying and suddenly it is found in a pair of jeans. Why would the great and almighty prophet tommy monson not prophesy about tsunamies, hurricanes and tornadoes that have killed thousands of people. Perhaps he could have saved some lives. No, the best this pompous prick can do is "say a little prayer" that the rain would go away so an outdoor dance performance could continue. Nikky, if you goal was to come here and defend you faith, you have failed. You have simply given this site much more evidence to support that mormons are retarded clones with no substance. Please do not reply to me saying "I am sorry you feel that way" blah blah blah. Give us some concrete answers and examples or stop wasting our time. Anonymous on May 29 2012, 14:25

@Robbie. Your arguments sound oh-so familiar, I don't suppose you've found inspiration in Hitchens? It's hard to know what to add to a forum like this. Firstly, I'd like to agree with the initial statement, which in my experience I have found to be true. Secondly I'd like to quote Nikky, "our garments are a representation of how we strive to stay pure", for two reasons; (one) because I think my grandparents would beg to differ and (two) I find that the possibility that shitting yourself come Armageddon, and thus reducing your chances of getting into heaven, friggin' hilarious! Also, Mormons giving 'evidence' for Mormonism provide, conveniently, a case in point. Dumb-Arses! As science and society advances, more and more contradictions with religion appear, and with those contradictions come delusions. Faith is exactly that, it is a belief strongly held despite evidence to the contrary. Jesus in America. Hilarious. Did he invent the helicopter too? That would certainly explain how. But why? Anonymous on May 30 2012, 01:37

I'm honestly not a spelling Nazi as often slip up myself Nikky! And I know many intelligent people who can be quite dyslexic when it comes to grammar and writing structure. But it's 'psychology' dear. [And please note that phycology is actually the study of algae - I guessed that you may have slipped up (it was a bit strange) but didn't know.] As a psychology major I guess you'd also know about psychosomatics and the recent studies/discoveries in neuroscience. When I was studying (both) I was just amazed at how bio-mechanical we all actually are, and indeed how easy it is to be fooled. Stop asking 'why' and begin looking at the 'how' (via psychology) and things just start making evidential sense! Well they did for me. Anonymous on May 30 2012, 02:24

There's no doubt in any sane person's mind that Mormonism - along with any other form of religion or superstition - is retarded. But the question asks "Are Mormons completely fucking retarded?" In my personal experience with different identities in different Mormon families I could write pages, but before doing that we'd have to define 'retarded' and I'd have to go into unneeded detail as to how I've come to that/my (provisional) conclusion. Sod that though and let me give my empirically observed judgment in a nutshell and say... Yes. Moreover, the Mormon families I've known have been far more dysfunctional (euphemism for 'fucked up') than any other select group - even doomsayers who secretly get off in the belief that they are of a select few to knowingly predict (and no doubt survive) the end of the world (see what I did there?) Mormons who I've known have made disastrous parents; and any behind the scenes look into this clandestine elitist organisation would reveal this not to be unusual... but they stand tightly together in their pjs all ready for bed, smiling Donny Osmond smiles and ... As Robbie's alluded to, there is psychological reasoning behind this which any interested party can pursue at their will. The internet after all is the place religions/death cults come to die and folks like Nikky can come to be edgyoomakated. Goodnight John-boy... Anonymous on May 30 2012, 02:58

It is quite disheartening how judgmental the world can be. Is being Mormon really such a crime? I believe that if someone is to judge a religion or discuss and exchange opinions with one another, they should take the time to learn or even look into the religion that they are judging. Before I saw this page, I thought that adults were people that us children can look up to, but I guess not. On this page, I observed what little respect you people have for one another. It is evident that none of you learned any true facts about the Mormon faith before you commented. Mormonism is just like any faith. Except Mormon members don't come to these websites and put down other religions. We respect all beliefs. Anonymous on May 30 2012, 04:29

Mormons respect "all beliefs"? Really? "Facts" about "Mormon faith"? "Evident" that "none of you" have "learned any true facts"? Mormonism is "just another faith"? Is it really all so black and white to you? Can't you see the logical fallacies that you're making? And by your judgement, what qualifications does one need to be permitted to criticize a belief system - especially one as off with the little green men as yours? PLEASE don't say that you have to become one so as to be critical! Because straight away I'll point to the thousands of apostates who've escaped the clutches. As an atheist, I try not to judge a person (irrespective of their belief system) by their beliefs but by their deeds. Although, would you vote for someone who solidly believed in fairies and [insert long list of all your other ridiculous beliefs]? Anonymous on May 30 2012, 05:13

Page 161 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Elder Matumbo, I am shocked that as someone who used to be a Elder in the Church you don't know Elija's prophocy about the hearts of the Children. As for the rest, yes there are repeats during conferance but if you look in the bible then there are repeats of doctrine everywhere. Is that not what cross referencing is for? For example, the story of Christ was written four times in Mattiew, Mark, Luke and John. Second, I am sorrry that I have not had the time to look up any modern prophecys lately, I have been very busy. I will do some reasearch and post what I find here. President Monson has talked of the power of prayer, it has personally given me greath strenth.Kay, I wish I knew the families you speak of. Yes there will be disfunctional mormon families. I have said it already and I will say it again, WE ARE NOT PERFECT. Just like every man has weaknesses and problems so do we. We make mistakes and try our best to make up for them just like everyone else. Compaired to many of my nonmember friends families(who by the way respect who I am and what I stand for and have told me on numerous octaions how they wished they had had my parents) my family was like a safe haven to them because of how we strived to follow the gospel teachings. However compaired to many chuch families we know our family is kind of a wreck at the moment, The point is though that we are working to fix that and move forward. Christ is helping us to overcome our problems and weaknesses, but it will take a life time and even then we wont be perfect. That is what grace is for. Urmom, thank you! That made my day and you summerised some of what I have been trying to say the entire time quite nicely. Robbie, I never said I was judging you or your beleifs. I am meerly trying to clear up misconseptions about my own beliefs. As I have said several times already we are not a perfect people, there are those who do criticize others for their beleifs, but most of us try very hard not too. I would like to know where you are getting your information about the apostles Robbie, not everything is a good sorce of information. Second, there is no good time to critisize any beleif. We all have rights to believe how we wish, forums like this sadden me no matter if they are about Mormonism, Islam, the Catholic Church or the Church of the Flying Monkeys. It shouldn't matter! It's something about the world today that I cannot understand. Why do we have to be so intolerant about others beliefs? For instance saying prayers in school, you don't have to say one yourself so why does it matter if someone else does? I personaly love all religion and honestly love researching all religions, it doesn't insult me that others beleive differently than I do. Robbie I respect the fact that you are athiest and that is how you choose to believe. I respect the fact that you try not to judge people by their deeds and not by their beliefs. To answer your question, to me it doesn't matter what their specific beliefs are as long as they have a good platform and I think they will do their best to take care of this country. Last of all I would like to point out how Christ himself was persiquted by his own people and later even killed by them. The devil is working very hard on the hearts of men if we truely have become this intlerant of the people around us. Anonymous on May 30 2012, 09:40

"Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut deals with a religion based entirely on lies, and yet the population in that book embraces it. There should be a little elf shaped door (In a nice 70s style wood paneled trim) in all of your hearts for this guy and his white afro-wig. In fact Christianity can use a lot more people like him. The less it can be taken seriously, the greater a chance we have to some human rights going on... Anonymous on May 30 2012, 12:37

Dear mormons, if jesus did come to america can somebody explain to me why until the white man came to america, there were not any christian god fearing native americans? Not a bible in sight, not a single big white church? We taught that shit to them, it wasnt already here so did jesus come here and wander in the woods before he went where ever hes supposed to have gone? No, didnt happen...... Use your brain for logic instead of reading for just like an hour a day and among other things youll realize no teaching of the jesus was here until boats brought it with them. For the record i think he was a real person that lived just like us, no special powers and his mom didnt want to own up to where he came from, and after he died thats it..... I doubt myself he went anywhere. Anonymous on May 30 2012, 21:26

Nikky Wow, you are shocked! are you? I am sorry to hear that you feel that way. (sarcasm intended) If there were any modern prophsies, I am pretty sure all the mormons would have the references to them on the tips of their tongues and be able to spout them off instantly. You take your time and go do some extensive research and get back to us with some CURRENT examples of MODERN prophesy and revelation. We will wait... but we won't hold our breath. I know the bullshit about eliga, but I specifically asked you about MODERN prophesy. One of the mormons big claim to being the "true and living church" is MODERN prophesy, yet you can only quote some lame story from the original con man himself circa 1830s, that is just as fabricated as the book of moron itself. Give us something new, a prophesy from recent history. You have to know thomass ass monson is not prepared to stick his neck out with a prophesy of any kind because he knows it is a fraud. He knows he dosen't "walk and talk with god", and if he makes a prophesy he knows he will be proven wrong. Doubletalk all you want, I want an example of modern prophesy. PS don't you dare try to claim that when kimball allowed black men to participate in the priesthood it was revelation. It was not. It was sociopolitical decision based on pressure of the time and nothing more. No need to reply until you have a solid example. I will miss you. On second thought... Anonymous on May 30 2012, 23:49

RottenCabbageGas, it was you! I thought the office smelled because of 1ups eggs! Anonymous on May 31 2012, 10:38

Hello 1up-Egg, it wasn't my fault! These fart bars are little demons packed with fiber, ask any one of these poster's. Oh, and that sound you heard, I'm gonna use the old "it was my shoe" excuse. Soon, I will need a new chair at work. I must blast a thousand hot stinky farts into the fibers of this chair everyday of my life. I feel bad for whoever has to sit in this thing. Oh wait 1up-Egg, you sat in this chair when I was out on maternity leave! Tee hee! Well, time for my afternoon snack of 90 calorie brownie bar! Keep on a-fartin!- RCG Anonymous on May 31 2012, 14:51

My husband and I went on a trip with our three young daughters.We took 4 boxes of the fiber one bars for energy because it was a hiking trip and we were told these bars would give us energy.We ate many of these bars but it was not until after we had purchased our dinner that we all began to have terrible gas.We farted so loudly including our children people got away from us because of the

Page 162 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

sound and smell .We swore we might have been poisoned from our dinner but now we see it was the fiber bars!! Does anyone know how long this gas will last? LOL Anonymous on Jun 2 2012, 19:11

Yeah one thing that I believe was stated correctly in this rant was that the Book of Mormon was dictated to various scribes from behind a curtain in the space of about 3 mos. The average person would expect then that this book to be about the most poorly written of religious trickery ever written. The thing is however that it is the most amazing religious historical record I have ever read. Including the Bible. I am totally blown away by this book! There are a number of reasons I can not believe that this book is a fake. To accept that it is a fake would raise many more questions in my mind about how it has come into existence. So yeah I mean one would think the writer of this rant is correct.... that is ...until that one reads the Book of Mormon. Anonymous on Jun 2 2012, 22:47

"Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb...." Anonymous on Jun 3 2012, 00:26

Dear Will, lets hear an answer to my question 2 or so posts up from here about jesus in america.?.?.?. Anonymous on Jun 3 2012, 04:33

Lostpro, even if we got a semi intellegent mormon to respond, they still could not answer the questions you or I or anyone else here has posed. You notice that once you pin a mormon down to specifics, they retreat back into the bubble and stop responding. Anonymous on Jun 3 2012, 23:54

DonT YOU DARE SAY THOSE MEAN TERRIBLE THINGS ABOUT MY RELIGION. WE HAVE A WONDERFUL RELIGION AND THE ONLY TRUE RELIGION ON THIS EARTH. IF I WERE YOU I WOULD CHOOSE BETTER WORDS BEFORE I HAUNT YOU IN YOUR NIGHTMARES. I AM 12 YEARS OLD ANDNI HAVE MORE KNOWLEDGE OF THE TRUE CHURCH OF GOD HAN YOU DO.I HOPE YOU HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART AND WORD CHOICE BEFORE YOU DESCRIBE MY CHURCH EVER AGAIN!!!! Anonymous on Jun 4 2012, 01:48

OMG! Tithe me sideways with a Vaseline coated seer stone! I've just had an epiphany! QUICK, where do I check my brain in before my senses return? Anonymous on Jun 4 2012, 03:03

I had a similar experience with consuming these bars (favorite is the caramel almond). In an attempt to increase my fiber intake, I purchased two boxes and had been eating one bar each morning with yogart without a problem. However one morning, I was particularly hungry so I ate TWO bars...OMG! That was the biggest mistake! I never got diarrhea but the cramps! And the amount of gas! I never thought I would stop farting. Had to leave my desk every 5-10 minutes just to go to the bathroom and fart. After a while, I was in such distress that I no longer cared if anyone was in the stall next to me. I really thought I was going to have to go to the ER. It lasted for hours! Insanity. I put the remainder of the bars in the break room at work... Anonymous on Jun 6 2012, 16:36 you people are stupid. why would you like pictures of shit? Anonymous on Jun 6 2012, 19:43

PRAYERS; GOD, YOU KNOW THAT MY SERVICE HAS BEEN VERY GOOD AND EXCELLENT WITH YOU. I ASK YOU TO HELP THE MORMONS REPENT OF THEIR EVIL DEEDS AND FOR STEALING MY PERSONAL IDENTITY, AND I ASK YOU TO BLESS THEM AND REBUKE THEM IF IT IS POSSIBLE. I ASK YOU FATHER, THAT YOU SENT JESUS CHRIST TO DIE FOR THEM AND IF THIS CHURCH IS TRUE, THEN REBUKE THEM ACCORDING TO YOUR JUSTICE. FATHER YOU ARE MY WITNESS, THEY HAVE STOLEN MY TITHING MONEY. YOU ARE MY WITNESS THAT I AM NOT WORTHY TO BE IN YOUR CHURCH BECAUSE I AM HARD OF HEARING AND HISPANIC. I AM SORRY FOR THIS UNWORTHY AND WORTHLESS CREATURE WHOM YOU HAS SENT HERE ON EARTH, THAT YOUR CREATURE WHO IS MADE THE LOWEST AND THE LEAST OF ALL, AND I KNOW THAT I AM THE LEAST OF ALL THE PEOPLE AND OF ALL THE KINGDOMS OF EARTH AND HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SERVANT AND HEAR MY CRY AND LOOK UNTO ME AND HAVE MERCY ON ME FOR THEY MOCK AT ME AND THEY HAVE NO HEART AND HAVE MERCY ON ME AND REMEMBER ALL OF THE DAYS OF MY LIFE FOR I HAVE KEPT YOUR COMMANDMENTS AND YOU ARE WITNESS AND THEY HAVE BROKEN MY HEART AND BETRAYED ME AND I ASK YOU TO VISIT THEM AND LET THEM SEE THAT YOU ARE WITH ME AND REBUKE THEM WITH MEASURE AND LET THEM KNOW THEY HAVE DONE GREAT WICKEDNESS AND LET THEM KNOW THEY ARE HURTING THE HOLY GHOST AND TRAMPLING HIM AND I ASK YOU TO HELP ME AND SAVE ME FROM MY ENEMIES, WHO ARE MORMONS AND PROTECT ME FROM THESE ENEMIES, AND I ASK YOU TO GIVE COMFORT AND CONSOLATIONS OF THESE GREAT PEOPLE WHO ARE GREATER THAN ME AND YOU KNOW THAT I AM THE LEAST OF ALL, WHO IS WORTHLESS TO STAND HERE ON EARTH, WHO IS THE DESPISED AND THE HATED AND IGNORED AND WHO HAS NOT PART OF THIS WORLD AND I ASK YOU TO HELP ME AND GUIDE ME AND SEPARATE ME FROM THIS WICKED GENERATION OF VIPER AND SERPENTS, AND I ASK YOU TO REBUKE THEM BY THE POWER OF THE ARCHANGEL MICHAEL, MY FRIEND AND LET HIM COME AND VISIT THEM AND SURROUND THEM AND REBUKE THEM AND PUNISH THEM AND I ASK YOU IN THE NAME OF THE SON, JESUS CHRIST,AMEN. Anonymous on Jun 6 2012, 21:11

It has long been my contention that mormon children are brainwashed from birth. I am often wrong, but perhaps not this time. Anonymous on Jun 7 2012, 00:33

Page 163 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I haven't laughed this hard in a while, may have woken up the land lord. My extreme gas started hand in hand with Kashi. I'm enjoying the tremendous gas it gives me. I love to abuse my gas on others! My coworkers get the brunt of it all day long, brightens my work experience! Anonymous on Jun 7 2012, 01:18

Hey Elder Matumbo, here’s my take! Superstitious/religious/irrational thinking alongside rational thinking is perpetuated through many factors, none less than the evolutionary construct of a child following the guidance of his principle role model/s. We’re hardwired from a very early age to abide by a source that we unquestionably respect, trust, are bonded, can learn from, share love, feel safe with and feel loyalty toward. The constant interaction between parent and child obviously enforces this. A baby’s brain is only one quarter developed when born, and the first three years are essential, thereafter they’re sponges to learning via stimuli, and of course this continues through childhood. Later there are our teachers, our peer group, our social setting and perhaps regular reinforcement every Sunday. It can become a monster paradigm that becomes too intellectually and emotionally demanding to shift when reality refuses to ‘go away’ and cognitive dissonance takes hold... and quite often mental illness. “I want to believe, I want to believe, I want to believe―… but the laws of thermodynamics continue to have last say... Etc Anonymous on Jun 7 2012, 04:56

I'm telling you I have never squirted out cheese bombs like I have eating this stuff. Do they make air conditioning for gas holes. I'm on squirt alert 24-7 I can remember the last time I had a nice dry fart. Back to Corn Flakes Anonymous on Jun 7 2012, 10:33

Robbie, you make an excellent point. I have always struggled with understanding the cognitive dissonance with intellegent and educated mormons. Your statement that it becomes too intellectually and emotionally demanding to shift is spot on though. I can empathazie with those who are stuck, but as you say if they would give in to thermodynamics, they could avoid the mental illness and the prescription drug abuse that is so rampant in the mormon community Anonymous on Jun 8 2012, 00:07

Ha, and that's just the crux isn't it? To borrow a quote.. "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." Obviously this isn't solely confined to the quagmire and absurdity of theocratic teachings. I knew a person (a close friend) who despite their horrendous abuse as a child stayed loyal to their (offending) parent right through to the end, which for them came sadly came too early (alcoholism). They knew damn well how evil that parent was, but the bond - although detrimental and life damaging - could never be broken. I still get tearful. It's a human tragedy but sadly part of our condition. And yes, I know of at least one drug addicted Mormon, and several others who're clearly mentally ill, one dangerously. And some have the audacity to state that one can't be critical unless one succumbs to the love bombing, the white teeth and join rank. Cheers bro. Anonymous on Jun 8 2012, 00:49

These Fiber One and Fiber Plus products are unbelievable. If you've never had a fear of sharting right in your pantaloons, eat one or two of these things and let me tell you, brother, you're going to think you've developed IBS or Crohn's or some shit. There's no escaping this effect, no matter which of their products you're eating....the cereal will give you the same loud, bloopy, cartoonish farts as the bars do. I've found that the link between ALL of these products is Chicory Root, which is a natural laxative in its' own right. I could eat a 55-gallon drum of raisin bran, 65 apples, and 30 heads of cauliflower, and NONE of that would give me the colonic rebellion that I've experienced after eating just one of these fart-tastically delicious mofo's. Eater, BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Jun 10 2012, 10:10

The problem with this post is you haven't done enough research to understand that all the religions are equally as ridiculous as the Mormons. None of it makes a shred of sense, none of it has a shred of proof, and the people that believe it are gullible wish-thinkers. Jesus was a lunatic, Moses a raving murderer, Mohammad a pedophile, and Joseph Smith finished serving a prison sentence 18 months before he started writing the Mormon Bibble, for fraud, after pleading guilty.... I can imagine Joseph Smith sitting around counting his money thinking about how idiotic people are, and how easy it was empty their pockets and debauch their wives. Kind of funny that he died to a bullet in the face from that very act. The world would be a better place without all this crap. Anonymous on Jun 11 2012, 17:02

This stuff is great.. why are you throwing it out??? Feel great after eating this stuff. I eat it precisely FOR THE FARTS. All aboard the Kashi express.. choo choo! Anonymous on Jun 11 2012, 19:30

I thought some people I know where stupid untill Joseph Smith worshipers came around!

Page 164 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Besides racism and bigotry vicious Mormons would dress up as Indians raid passing wagon trains, kill, rape, and pillage, then blame the Indians and go kill rape and pillage them. Joseph Smith has nothing to say about what was important to the Native Peoples and tries to hijack their history and religion. A RELIGION OF SATAN their just too stupid to know - all hail Joseph Smith!! Anonymous on Jun 12 2012, 00:14

I recently started eating this stuff, and whenever I go running a few hours after eating a bowl of this, it sounds like a naval battle. And when it comes to the smell... the horror... the horror... Anonymous on Jun 12 2012, 03:42

Evil bars! I had no idea what was causing the unending smelly farts until I typed in "Does fiber cause gas?" and came across this site. OMG. I am not alone! I started to eat these because I just got braces and they were "nutritious" and easy to eat. Oh, my poor coworkers! I have never laughed so hard at myself and others than I have reading all your comments. I just bought two bars and I will donate them to the men who work in the plant....hehehehe. Anonymous on Jun 13 2012, 16:26

Any day I wake up and down a bowl of kashi go lean crunch cereal then eat Chipotle for lunch, I have the most ridiculous gas EVER!!!! My butthole literally turns into a leaf blower...I am constantly checking/rechecking my pants to see if they are soiled.....but it just tastes so good I just can't help myself Anonymous on Jun 13 2012, 17:45

Plural marriage is completely wrong. I feel Mormons should be banned from every where. Mormans are fucking retarded and I hope every single one of them dies. Anonymous on Jun 14 2012, 03:47

Wow really hating on Mormons? First off saying we should all die is terrible, do you think God likes hearing that? I suggest you read the Book of Mormon, go to LDS church, talk to our Missionaries, do this for 3 weeks, I'd bet you $200 your life will be changed. We DO NOT HATE GAYS!!!! We have Gays in the church genius!!!! How about you all shush your mouths? Don't speak in what you DON'T KNOW!! It isn't just Mormons who believe that gays are right. It should be man and women. Before ya'll wanna talk about mulitple wives, remember that is no lOnger apart of the church and if you put caught doing it you are no longer a member of the LDS church. You all need to stop listening to the bad things that NON-MORMONS say and listen to what true members say. We had a choice to vote yes or no. We didn't have to follow. At the end of the day we are ALL God's children. MORMONS ROCK!!!! Anonymous on Jun 15 2012, 04:21

Hey Lizzie - I've spent (literally) three months plus talking with Masonaries and by Joseph my life was indeed changed. From seeing Mormons as just being a "bunch of harmless puppy loving whiter than white toothed loonies on a par with Scientologist for bat-shit craziness" I now view the whole organisation for what it is - sanctimonious, elitist, bigoted, clandestine and fundamentally *RETARDED*. Yes of course there are decent people trapped within this schema... but what does that prove? Where can I claim my $200 Elizabeth? I'm a bit short at the moment due to a dedicated Mormon swindling me out of $1000 plus much, much more... (No lie) Anonymous on Jun 15 2012, 05:37

I find it odd so many people have nothing better to do than to discuss the mormons. That right there says volumes. One thing that seems to be forgotten is that all the crazy and odd beliefs the mormons have is due to their claim of modern revelation. The truth, if any, of this revelation can be verified by personal revelation. If you don't want answers, continue to fail asking. But I wonder if any of you really want answers. What if God tells you that your opinion is wrong? Think you could handle it? Probably not. So, by all means, continue your rant. It really means so very little. Anonymous on Jun 15 2012, 14:33

Spoken like a true Moron Wilson. god talk to you often does he? Anonymous on Jun 15 2012, 21:02

You can ask your god (or any of the vast number of other gods people have come up with) questions all day long and i promise you none have them have answered your question now will they ever. Any answered questions are the result of the fact that given time the answer to nearly any question will present itself. But if you feel like asking gods questions you should ask the mormon one this for me...... If Jesus came to america, why wasnt there even a hint of christianity before white people like myself brought it here on boats? If the Jesus came here the indians would for sure have records, something that out of place would for sure prompt cave painting or the like! And if their are lies that big in your holy book then not a shred of it is worth the tree pulp its printed on. Anonymous on Jun 15 2012, 21:33

One thing I've noted over time is whilst theotards are obsessed with 'the answer' (and often seem quite content to sit at first base with theirs) - the more scientifically minded tend to be far more involved in the question and as a consequence are far far quicker to admit they're wrong when proven wrong. How often as a child did you hear "Jesus/God is the answer"? I mean, that is just plain retarded. My regards to Chuck Noland, Wilson - he couldn't have chosen a better imaginary friend Anonymous on Jun 15 2012, 22:04

Elizabeth, your post is an irrational pile of stupid, but since hockey is done, I'll bite. You say you have so many gays in your church, so here is a simple question for your simple mind. Name one? Please, name one

Page 165 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

gay mormon for us. Wilson, you wonder if we really want answers to our questions? Yes we do! Mormons (you) keep making the claim of modern revelation, but none of you can ever give an example. Please just give us just one example of modern revelation in the last 30 years? Two very simple questions for two mormon rockstars. Anonymous on Jun 16 2012, 01:58

Oh my god, this might be the most hilarious thread on the internetz. I love that it's still going strong 5 YEARS later... that's a lot of gas! I'm laughing so hard the cat is glaring at me. Oh no wait, she's probably glaring at me because I can't stop farting! Like you all, I ingested this monstrosity for breakfast, and have been treated to some serious fireworks all day. When will it end???? I never even knew it was possible to pass this much gas! I'm lucky I've got the house to myself today. I will have to clear out some space in my schedule so that I can finish this box uninhibited! Anonymous on Jun 16 2012, 20:07

Firstoff, let me clarify my stance. I'm not mormon. I'm a pretty weak christian. I'm only here to watch, point out stupidity, and to answer questions. Elder matumbo, I found a website dedicated to gay and lesbian mormons. Is that sufficient evidence? Www.affirmation.org Elizabeth, I talked to your missionaries a while back. They really just kept me going in circles, eventually coming to the conclusion that mormonism was an act of faith. To trust a book written by some guy hidden where noone could see him translate said book from sacred gold plates in a foreign language with mmagical rocks. Anonymous on Jun 18 2012, 13:45

I wrote a detailed response to this but I lost it and am too tired to rewrite it so here is the short version. The question was for rockstar mormon elizabeth who makes statements but cannot support them. There may be mormons who are gay, but they are not openly accepted by the church. The church says "homosexuality is an abomination" "marriage other than between a man and a women is against the laws of god" Mormon apostles make it clear that homosexualty is NOT allowed. According to the bishops handbook of instructions (mormon law) a mormon who confesses to engaging in homosexual activity is subject to a disiplinary council and risks excommunication. There are many websites as in your example, but none of these sites are supported or approved by the mormon church. If you check with the actual Mormon Church sites, you will find the facts. Just google "mormon handbook of instructions", or batshit (you will get the same result) So, there may be many mormons who are gay, but once they "come out" they are kicked out. With respect, please do not attempt to defend what you know very little about. Leave that to the mormon scholars like lizzy and wilson. Anonymous on Jun 19 2012, 01:32

Sometimes these bars (almost) make me fart as much as a few glasses of milk does (and my dairy farts are pretty crazy lol). If anybody's down for a good farting contest, visit my site (http://fartingcontest.webs.com/) and we should totally compete (hard to find good competition haha). Anonymous on Jun 19 2012, 04:08

This is the most hilarious AND longest thread I ever seen, Is there some sort of world book record for that? I can't tell you how thrilled I am to learn that my recent stomach disturbances are not some horrible affliction. I have been buying Kasha crunch cereals ,2 boxes at a time for a few months now. This stuff is like crack, I can't get enough. But the violent bouts of gas are starting to control my life. I finally was starting to suspect that the cereal may be the case so I googled, "does Kasha cause unusual amounts of gas?" and I found you fine, flatcuent folks. can i just tell you I have never been so gassy in my entire life, not just gentle fluffs but full on manly air raid horns. I am a 120 pound petite female. This just isn't right. I am afraid to make plans for my intestines seem to be calling the shots. Never mind at night when I change position and it's like fog horn went off. I am not sure I can give this stuff up cold turkey it's just way to good. Maybe just save it for when there is a blizzard and I won't have to go out into public! Anonymous on Jun 19 2012, 14:56

I can't believe there bars are so evil that when I blew it up, my dogs fur was singed... : O Anonymous on Jun 19 2012, 23:07

Reading this blog and comments to it has me laughing so hard I have tears of humor! After I consumed a fiber one bar, all my co-workers started warning me of what it will do. I was like, "Great, now you tell me". I had a banana, a bar and some water...4 hours ago. I'm proud to say, I haven't had any of the experiences I have read. I don't know if its because my body is already used to the fiber and other ingredients or what..... but i'm okay and my co-workers are safe - thus far. Anonymous on Jun 20 2012, 12:42

Thinking these bars were high in protein instead of fiber, I ate 2 one morning for breakfast at work! After about an hour I was doubled over in pain and had to go home from work. My co-workers and family laughed and laughed at me. I felt like I was dying. They truly are a spawn of SATAN! Anonymous on Jun 20 2012, 16:21

Page 166 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

No mormon has ever been excommunicated. Take Romney for example; he should be according to church rules. He supported pro-choice (abortion/human murder), he supported homosexual rights (a forbidden abomination), and he created mandated forced insurance (violation of free will and undermined spiritual healing). However, he is worth about $250,000,000 and donated to the church so he is approved by the church. So you can buy your church approval in the mormon faith alright. Once you are a member you can pretty much do what you want, again... No mormon has been excommunicated. But to enter the church you must be baptized, and the rules are unbelievably strict. Once baptized though you can go right back to being a bastard. So, there is one major hypocrisy with the mormon church. Another is it is based entirely upon free masonry... Most members do not know this as they are keep uneducated on the subject. But go to the main temple (salt lake) and find all the masonic symbols you care to look at. Look up the word mormon sometime... It derives it's meaning from a god, just not not the Christian one. Anyway, any careful investigation into what mormonism is will easily reveal that it is a complete corruption of Christianity. The mormon church does not hold authority from god...as much as they like to believe they do. It holds authority, but not from god. Again, unfortunately, most members are totally unaware of the facts. They tend to be very nice people, but, extremely uninformed. And few people can bring themselves to admit when they have been conned, regardless of what the con is. Anonymous on Jun 21 2012, 04:18 http://blogs.evtrib.com/spirituallife/2011/07/04/lds-excommunication-of-lyndon-lamborn-revisited/ Anonymous on Jun 21 2012, 05:12

I was told reliably (by a Mormon) the story of how one Missionary hit upon his partner during their stint abroad. The partner reacted by punching his head in. What resulted was one of the two being sent home. The other was reappointed another partner and spanked across the knuckles with a wet feather for his transgression. You can guess which one was sent home. Now whether he was then subsequently excommunicated for being homosexual, I do not know... and what does it really matter? If it wasn't for the secretive and defensive nature of this cult, more stories like this would come to the fore. I know of many others, but it would be best if they were made public by first hand. Anonymous on Jun 21 2012, 06:00

Holy Bat$hit Ratman! Huge mistake - at 2 for breakfast and 1 for snacks every two hours yesterday. The intestines started singing, loud enough for anyone within 10 feet of me to hear the bass burbles and pops. The girl that sits next to me at work kept asking if I was OK. I kept telling her to just ignore the sounds. However, by early afternoon, she was in tears from the sheer amount of chair bombs that kept exploding. After the first 50 she stopped asking "OMG another one??". She would just burst into hysterical laughter. I've never subscribed to methane global warming theory, but these may be an attempt to biologically engineer a warmer climate. Either that, or spontaneously combust office buildings worldwide. Anonymous on Jun 21 2012, 13:10

Of course I didn't realize what Kashi does to me until AFTER I bought the 5lb box at Costco. Holy crap. Anonymous on Jun 21 2012, 21:20 http://blogs.evtrib.com/spirituallife/2011/07/04/lds-excommunication-of-lyndon-lamborn-revisited/ And there you have it. I have not heard this story before. I hope that the Lyndon Lamborn story is revisited and revisited and revisited. Excellent find TK! Anonymous on Jun 21 2012, 21:53

Imma lol if Romney becomes president. That truly means that USA is run by a racist retard. Anonymous on Jun 22 2012, 18:16

For all those that are interested, I'm from The Church of The Fonz. Fonzie came to me in a dream telling me where he had buried a gold jacket centuries ago when he traveled back in time to escape from the evil lord Godzilla. This gold jacket happened to be inside the trunk of a rusty 77 Trans Am in a forgotten junkyard. This golden jacket had lots of inscriptions in which told the story of our beginning and the story of our end. I went to dig up the jacket but I couldn't understand the language at first because it was written backwards (sort of like Leonardo Da Vinci wrote, also it was some form of alien language I assume, like Chinese or something). Anyway, my buddies and I found a magical talking dog who helped us decipher the inscriptions in the golden jacket which only me and The Fonz could see. Fonzie took back his golden jacket after I finished translating the inscriptions in his jacket. Then one night, one of my buddies got drunk and lost the translations. I was pissed but I re-wrote the translations from memory. They weren't exactly the same but they worked. To be continued... I got bored... Mormons are retarded ... I figure religion is like an assortment of grasses and wild weeds and people are the cows that graze upon these vast grasslands and Mormonism... well... it is not a grass at all but rather just the shit that comes out of cows that eat the grass... Anonymous on Jun 23 2012, 22:06

Hahaha! The Church of the Fonz sounds right up my street! And it's all got to be true, I mean why would you make something as incredibly improbable as that up? I mean, what would be in for you? Cow-shit eating grass... I'm mesmerized, or should I say Fonzorised... count me in, hey want 10% of my income? No worries mate... no need to posthumously baptize me either, give me a white bed sheet and I'll strip down stark bollock naked just for you... Oooo, I'm getting excited (had you noticed?) hallelujah or should I be saying... Heyyyyyyyy? Anonymous on Jun 24 2012, 03:25

Page 167 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

So i ate one, it was so tasty, and all was good, until a few hours later when i stopped to get gas at the gas station. i go to the attendant and after she gives me the change, i run to my car... fast...i rech for the car handle, i can not handle it any longer, so i grab into the roof of the car for dear life, and let out a fart that can barely be described in words. if i could describe it, i would do so as the following; my cheecks blooked open like a spring dlower and i let forth a mighty trumpet, the likes of which would make God shake in fear, im hanging onto my mirror for dear life, as my swolen intesines forcefully deflate, causing my bum hams to thunderously clap together, the sound of which would rival the Regal Subwoofer in theaters. As the rest of the noxious air blasted out of me i was filled with a sudden rush of ecstacy to finally get that out of my body, as i look behind me and a family of four stare at me, mouths open, as if sideshow bob had finally killed bart simpson. Anonymous on Jun 25 2012, 09:49 heh, yeah I googled fuck mormons and this is the site that I got I was raised catholic in wait for it.... Salt lake shitty, Utah FUCK SOME MOR(m)ONS!!! They act like they are way better than anyone just cause they don't smoke cigarettes or drink beer or even caffine, and they believe some fucked up shit that some dude came up with. And for the guy that posted the third comment down, way to go proving your point with something you stole from family guy, Asshole... Anyways if that fucking Mormon gets elected, I'm moving to fucking canada, eh! Boycott this whole country for about four years, or as long as it takes for him to be Impeached, cause think about it, when you get all that power and you can't even drink a fucking coca-cola, You'd be bound to have a nervous breakdown and start banging Monica Lewinski's sister. FUCK YOU MORMONS I HATE YOU ALL AND HOPE YOU DIE OF AIDS!!!! Anonymous on Jun 25 2012, 12:16

On one of our expeditions to Toledo from Louisville we had packed snacks for our happy family of 4. Included in those snacks just happened to be 2 boxes of Fiber One bars. About 45 minutes into our 6 hour construction delayed trip my 12 year old daughter starts to eat some bars. Because we told her they were good she decided to eat the whole box! Before we reached Cincinnati the most god awful smell started coming out of the very back seat!!! She started complaining her stomach was cramping and bubbling really bad. We asked how much she had been eating and gasped at the quantity she told us, at that point my wife tells me she had just had her third bar! Now the fun really begins! Both my wife and daughter take turns gassing us so bad my 14 year old puked, she just could not take anymore and was crying! I have never been happier to arrive in Toledo. Oh I almost forgot we had rented a minivan because our car was in the shop getting a warranty problem fixed. I told the agent at the desk there was a weird smell that was coming from the A/C and it would not leave the car, they said they would check it out. A week later the a get called and said they wanted to apologize for the smell and offer us a discount on our next rental from them, they explained that they had to detail the van 3 times to get the smell out. He joked and asked if we smuggled used baby diapers across the country? My family had learned the lesson or so I thought! My wife went to work last Thursday and ate 5 Fiber One bars mainly the Brownies. I could not sleep that night and I had to go and buy a new pillow because every time I lay me head down baby diarrhea scent pushes out from inside the pillow!!! I have now banned them from house, I told her she will have to find her a Fiber One dealer and treat it as a drug deal. Anonymous on Jun 26 2012, 13:19

Me, too! I just stumbled upon this website when looking for nutritional information for Go Lean cereal; I LOVE the Go Lean Crunch. And when I eat it I fart A LOT and uncontrollably. Sometimes it sounds like machine gun fire. Argh. Anonymous on Jun 26 2012, 15:47

I cannot stop laughing! My mom bought like 5 boxes of these and there was nothing else in my house to eat. So I ate almost an entire box. My friend came over and we could not stop laughing at my farts. I blamed it on my monthly gift when I offered my friend one! She told me it makes you poop, and so here I am- the great farting mystery solved!!! Anonymous on Jun 27 2012, 00:05

In our galaxy ALONE there are about 200-400 billion stars. Let us say that your wonderful "God" (whatever fucking religion you are as long as you believe that your god has created all that crap it doesnt matter) really did create all those starts. Our star (the sun) is one of those billions of stars. It has the planet Earth by it which holds life. Clearly, you would be quite stupid to think that there are no other life forms out there in the galaxy. So let us presume for a moment that there are other life forms out there. So do you honestly think that your god would give a personal shit about what happens to you? Your own personal prayers and desires? About your fears and your passions? You must be stupid to think that. Take a moment and think about it. If there really is some sort of big powerful being out there in the universe i honestly doubt he would give a shit about each one of us personally or make himself and his motives so clear (bible, quran etc.) OR give people so called "visions" of himself. Anonymous on Jun 29 2012, 14:57

I've bought Corn King for years and have never gotten a bad package. It's my favorite bacon. I enjoy the good quality meat and the nice smokiness. I just bought my first Corn King BRT smoked ham, today. Wonderful quality and flavor. Anonymous on Jul 1 2012, 23:18

Horrible bacon!!! all FAT FAT FAT and is thin and shrinks up small Anonymous on Jul 2 2012, 00:13

My husband bought some of these bars and he is an awesome guy..doesn't talk about gas or pass it in front of me. Anyway...after having one of these bars he had the worst night of his life and said he never felt his stomach so expanded with gas before. He told me not to eat any. I went online and found this site and it is hilarious. I've spent slow hours at work just laughing my a$$ off reading these comments. Anonymous on Jul 4 2012, 03:12

Page 168 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Dear caleb, because unlike you we have a sense of humor! :p Anonymous on Jul 5 2012, 17:07 i, Aaliyah Alexander, Also loves pictures of poop and playing in my own poop. I Use it for lubricant sometimes as I self pleasure myself to pictures of elephant turds. this turns me on. Anonymous on Jul 5 2012, 20:46

@Bill George Michael... Of course my initial post was borrowed from Family Guy. I was simply making a point as to how just about any asshole like you can make up a religion on the spot. Hope mormons rape you in your sleep you retard. Now repent and join The Church of The Fonz. Heeeyyyyy!!! Anonymous on Jul 8 2012, 07:26 its kinda funny when atheists get mad. Makes you guys seem kinda desperate to be right, like a fat pale guy who cant get off the computer. lol Anonymous on Jul 10 2012, 00:36

Oh man! Look out y'all! Bubba done ate some of that Kashi Go Lean, and i'm fartin up a storms like the finale of a Rambo movie! Long machine gun farts, short intense grenade farts, hell my dogs is hiding outside cause of the stink! What i need to do is eat this beforei go huntin with the boys. Bubba will get his own tent by opening up the Kashi rage from my cornhole. I'm telling ya, Kashi must roll this stuff in gunpowder before sealing the box, its damn near explosive. Bubba eats this before the inlaws come over, visits keep getting shorter and shorter. Anyone planning on getting arrested, eat some Kashi 3 hours before being locked in the back of a paddy wagon, them coppers will let you go after two or three bursts of rotten ass! My Ass selector switch must be on full auto cause i'm firing off ass wind like seal team six. Warnin... Anonymous on Jul 10 2012, 02:33

Not as "kinda funny" as believing that one has the ability to telepathically communicate with a two thousand and twelve year old zombie Jew and convince them to break all the laws of physics, chemistry and biology in order to fix an old lady’s weak bladder. Anonymous on Jul 10 2012, 04:34

What an excellent day for an exorcism. Anonymous on Jul 10 2012, 23:08

I just wanted to say that Gary is soooo really screwed up in the head. I asked him why my daughter was seeming to pull away from me her own dad, he told me that my relative messed with my daughter, during a family gathering during the holidays. Gary said she was about age 12. Needless to say we called police and took this inside and a story from my daughter to court. After the relative served time in jail, my daughter told the family that it never happened and she lied about it all because this radio "jack wagon" said it did so she just made up some stuff to add to the story....never thinking it would go this far....When I called him again on kdwb he tried to recent his bs and said it was another relative but it happened...this fraud should be fired!!!! Who knowingly ruins peoples lives like this... Anonymous on Jul 12 2012, 10:16

I blew a hole in my trousers, this cereal is destructive - it tastes good but makes me nearly shit myself. Anonymous on Jul 12 2012, 20:02

I just about died reading these posts. I laughed so hard I could not stop farting from the Kashi I ate for breakfast this morning. By the way, I have learned that Kashi is a subsidiary of Kellogs and the cereal contains non-organic stuff and GMOs. So there you go, there is probably something that was modified in the grains that causes amazing amounts of gas. Rather than feed the stuff to humans, perhaps a vehicle could be developed that can run on Kashi Go Fart cereal. Anonymous on Jul 12 2012, 20:33

Maybe there could be some sort of technology created for lovers of Kashi Go Lean Crunch.....methane gas powered energy saving cars? Fart 'n go! Anonymous on Jul 12 2012, 22:16

Wow this thread is 5 years old...... avter eating this cereal for the past week YIKES, I thought it was something else I ate. My gas usually does not wake me up in the middle of the night but it did last night. I was lauughing so hard at the earlier posts I thought I sharted - but alas only gas. If you are a vegetarian do not mix this with garden burgers, TVP or any other soy protien meat substitute, beans of any type. Oh and drinking copious amounts of water will not help either. Next week - Honey and Greek yogurt for me. Anonymous on Jul 13 2012, 13:59

I havent had kashi for years now but finding this column brought up horrid memories of the days that I was eating this flatulence inducing blend daily.....The worst was one day at a local grocery store that I was at by myself grabbing a few items for home. I had held in a lot of gas at work, so the sudden motion and movement at the store brought a flurry of massive blasts...I mean so massive and loud it hurt my tender opening....old ladies, houswives and store employees were staring wide eyed with mouth agape as I let it run its course (I didnt go into this store oftn and assumed I would never again) but the relief was so tremendous I just didnt care...I

Page 169 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

soon found myself laughing uncontollably at every explosion....soon, I had at least 2 aisles in either way cleared. Anonymous on Jul 13 2012, 14:55

My coworker Steve and I were reading some of these comments, and I realized that we had a bowl of this at home, that my wife eats, although it doesn't seem to affect her in the ways described on this site. Anyway I made a bet with him that I could eat a big bowl of this the following morning and not be affected at work the next day. My wife sent me to work with a signed note, "Todd has eaten the Kashi, a big bowl." By 11am, I felt that I had satisfied the terms of the bet, and I took the elevator down four floors to collect my winnings ($5). Steve called a few of my cube mates upstairs to confirm, and they all agreed that there'd been no strange noises or odors in my area of the office that morning. While Steve was fishing around in his pants for the loot, I began to feel an incredible pressure in my abdomen, and having read many of the comments here, I knew what would soon follow, but I did my best to play it off. After I'd collected the loot, I made a beeline for the elevator. Of course, it was several floors down and not moving, so I stood there clenching and hoping I could hold on. The pressure was now immense! I couldn't believe that after several hours of nothing, Kashi cereal have such a sudden and violent effect. Finally the elevator started to climb, and I took a quick look back around the office. Steve had gotten up and was heading for the copy machine on the other end of the floor. No one else could see me - they were all in their cubes. Hearing the elevator door open behind me, I took a quick look to make sure it was empty. Then I yelled out "STEVE!" As soon as he turned around, I let go a of a FTHHHHHPPPPPTTTTT that rattled change out of the vending machine. What happened next seemed to happen in slow motion. I heard a woman's voice from behind a cube, "ohhhh deaaaar...". Steve, realizing he'd been conned, started dashing toward the elevator. I jumped in backwards, leering at him while the doors closed. I only had a few seconds to congratulate myself on a perfect crime. Most of the massive sulfuric cloud I'd let loose was still seeping slowly from my Haggar slacks. My boss got in with a client on the next floor. I had to ride up three floors with her. Yes, she noticed. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed. No more Kashi for me!!! Anonymous on Jul 13 2012, 16:51

I googled "why can't Mormons see their religion is fake," and got this page. Awesome. So, my comment is everyone is entitled to their own opinion and can practice the religion of their choosing. In my un-solicited opinion, the Mormon religion is ridiculous. Most Mormons don't even know they're polytheistic, there for they are not Christian. They believe the word of a false prophet, they have odd practices and really think they're better than everyone else on Earth. I have met 2 different people who left the Mormon church and said, "they brainwash you." I don't think any religion is better than another, I don't think there is a "right" religion but I know that Mormons and the LDS church are fuckin' wrong. Anonymous on Jul 13 2012, 22:08

Early on I took a general interest in a lot of the anti mormon material that has been posted throughout the internet. I have been a member of the LDS church for over 20 years and love my religion to the very core of my being. I came to this forum simply because i was very interested in what negative beliefs could possibly be conjured in association with a religion that preaches only love, acceptance and peace towards all. In all my research there are two types of anti mormons out there. This would be the hard hearted individual who just cant leave the church alone for whatever reason, these individuals are generally threatened by the church and there natural reaction being to criticize it. The other claiming to be the intellectual subjective athiest and harbors feelings of hatred for all organized religion and trust in their logic. I am here to say that in all religion there exists the unexplainable. That is where the belief of faith must be implemented. In all honesty i am a very disobediant member of the church. I have taken part in just about everything the church has told me to stay away from. I can testify that without a shadow of doubt in my mind i have been happiest when i have followed the teachings of the gospel. The church and its principals are perfect even if made unpopular by popular culture and belief, the people practicing them however are far from it. I am truly sorry for anyone who has felt unjustly treated by a member of the church, we try our best, or at least we should. Our doctrine is so specific however that if a member were to be seen say smoking a cigarette, that there are many who will judge our entire religion based on the actions of one. I am also here to tell all of you skeptics, there is far more to this life than what you can simply see. Becoming a member of the church is the most personal experience a human being can have. Truly before you knock us, if happiness is something you truly desire in your life, give it a shot. How does one know he or she is in love with someone? Is it not a feeling in your heart? I attest the holy ghost works in a similiar way. That is how a righteous, faithful, and obediant lds member will know what is true and what is false. Clearly many of you have lost your faith or have never had it to begin with. I challenge each and everyone of you to find out for yourself. Anonymous on Jul 15 2012, 00:05

There is not one single thing written in the BoM that can be proven historically or scientifically; therefore, I challenge you to find the truth out for yourself. If you want to be happy, be happy, it is your own choice to make every day. Don't fall for giving 10% of your income to earn your way to the highest level. If you were a good Mormon, you would never end up on this site. Anonymous on Jul 15 2012, 14:52

Dear Liberty, thats a clever name but i hope you realize that religion and liberty dont really get along...... As a mormon im sure you are aware of all the things that the church says you cant do and if you pay attention to that, well you are giving up some if not alot of liberty! Â On top of that there is a 3rd kind of anti mormon out there, but its not just anti mormon, its anti any religion that has changed to adapt to new society (because any true religion would stand the test of time due to god knowing everything) or any religion that has core parts that modern science can 100% disprove (how can you trust anything that includes obvious lies, real religion would include nothing but the truth)! Well mormons are dumb as hell for buying into anything that has changed so much...... What, no more forced

Page 170 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

marriages, no more child brides, no more multiple wives and now we have to treat black people right?  All that coupled with Moronism wants us to think that Jesus came here to visit america and show his teachings to the native people, an isrealite tribe that had just move here?  Not only is that 100% eroneous per any kind of modern day DNA testing, I dare you to walk up to your average native american man and try to explain how hes from anywhere near where you say he came from.  There is a chance he will just disregard what you say but probably your going to get knocked on your ass!  Also if jesus had been here where is sitting bull's lds chuch located, no cave paintings of this magical bearded white man-god (rememberthey though things such as buffalo were worth painting), why didnt the indians have bibles, and why did the not know anything about "Jesus" until white man brought lies from a far away land via boats? And why apon dna testing anyone of 100% native background do you find they are not even the same classification of humans as people from where you claim they are from? You say you will know the truth, prophecy fulfilled...... I just gave you the truth! Anonymous on Jul 15 2012, 19:04 first you mormons cant leave anybody to their beliefs you send your faggets in suits and name tags to go fuck with everybody. second you think god gives a fuck if you drink caffine smoke or alcohol third you have you child molester boyscouts third i know over 50 mormons i can tolorate 2 the rest get asshurt at the first thing you do against their gay retarded fuckstick religon Anonymous on Jul 17 2012, 14:00

Liberty I am sure that father monson and all the mormon mouthbreathers will be so proud of you for defending all those negative beliefs out there on the internet. I hope you have the opportunity to share your testimony next sunday and tell all the brothers and sisters how you made such a powerful post using the power of the holy ghost. OOOH I have shivers going up and down my spine. If you belive there are only two types of antimormons you need to remove your head out of joseph smits ass and venture a little bit further out of your bubble to discover there are quite a few more. As far as your church being perfect? a perfect example of a cult maybe. In the name of Jesus Christ, I attest to you that Joseph smit is a fraud, and mormonism is a dangerous goosestepping cult of lemmings. P.S. The holy ghost is watching when you touch yourself that way. Anonymous on Jul 18 2012, 01:34

Lostprophet and Elder Matumbo, I tip my hat to you... And as for the oxy-moron-ically named "Title of Liberty" you said this: "How does one know he or she is in love with someone? Is it not a feeling in your heart? I attest the holy ghost works in a similar way" I suggest you perhaps explore a little more as to the processes that generate our huge raft of mammalian (and often transient) 'feelings'. The more one begins to understand how they originate, the less mysterious they become. Non believers in fairies (such as The Angel Moroni for instance) ask for evidence; for the true feelings of wonder and awe come in discovering what is factual about our world... not bogus. Oh and tell your Holy Spirit the next time you and him have a chat - 'love is as love does' i.e. it's a 'doing' word - for love without evidence is stalking. Anonymous on Jul 18 2012, 03:36

Thought it was the milk but after 2-3 days I changed milk to Lactose Free, but still continued to have obnoxiously loud, and hilariously absurb gas. I felt like someone had left my internal air compressor on that just never cut off. For about 75% of the farts they are benign and mostly odorless, the remaining 25% contain very rank and very potent odors, which makes them more funny and enjoyable when people are around. This is a palm bomb: When one of those farts comes with an elevated temperature (you know which ones i'm talking about), cup your hand over your hole, fart into it and quickly close your hand into a ball, and put your fist in someones face and open your hand and they will be greeted by the stank smell of your poot. hahahaha Anonymous on Jul 19 2012, 11:03

Robbie, you would think that one thing the mormon milk making breeders should be able to understand is 'mammalian feelings". However, they just don't seem to be able make the connection. Maybe in 1000 years utah will join the 20th century and the word will spread. Anonymous on Jul 20 2012, 01:48

About 10 years ago, or so, 2 guys in black slacks, white dress shirts and black ties came to my apartment. I was about 15 at the time. My mom let them in, and they began to talk about something (I forget about what) but they made me feel uncomfortable right from the start. The were both blonde but they spoke spanish (being that I am Mexican). After a minute or 2, being so uncomfortable I just got up and left. Now, I haven't minded people coming over trying to influence... or better yet... change my thought on religious views and what not because I've had similar experiences before but never felt uncomfortable until those 2 guys came around. After I left, I went to my friends house near by and asked him if I could stay for a while because some 2 dudes gave me a bad vibe which made me leave my own apartment instead of asking them to leave. You can laugh all you want but I felt like (D)evil(S) had entered my house and the only way to rid of it was leaving. I told that to my friend and he laughed because he had met them before as well... referring to them as "Los Mormones Pendejos" literally meaning Those Fucking Mormons. I didn't know they were mormons at first, until my friend told me. Even then after I knew they were mormons, I didn't quite understand what exactly they were or what they were trying to preach, so I never gave it much thought after that. 10 years later, I just think it's funny in some way. Anonymous on Jul 21 2012, 21:07

Heres a trick for whatever bacon brand you like to use. Before opening, roll up the package corner to its perpendicular (I think I used

Page 171 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

that correctly) corner. I do this in all directions before I remove from the package. This means no more digging and breaken pieces. Anonymous on Jul 22 2012, 14:09

I fucking love poop i eat it Anonymous on Jul 22 2012, 21:27

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life... He came that we may have everlasting life. To throw that gift in His face that He gave freely because He loves us makes me sad... God's mercy is infinite, but so is His justice... Sin must be paid for. Jesus paid that price on that cross.,.. Yes, it's our choice. That's the beauty of it. I don't understand why anyone would say no to the FREEDOM Jesus offers with Him. But, the key in that freedom includes Him. Alone and apart from Him is what hell is. In this world of light and dark, I can't imagine living forever with all dark... The offer is given, I pray for your sake that you choose Christ. But, it's only you that can decide. ssp8 Anonymous on Jul 23 2012, 06:20

Its all about Faith,,religion is where you put a foundation,,you dont have to belong to any of it,,Just believe in what faith you have. Anonymous on Jul 24 2012, 13:50

Faith is blind and so much easier than thinking - it's flown innocents into skyscrapers you know. And as for prayer, again so much easier than actually doing something - a bit like Brian's Escape Committee in Monty Python's 'The Life of Brian'. When times get tough let's stick our heads into the sand. And Dwd, if you believe that the doctrine of Vicarious Redemption by human sacrifice is a basis for morality then you my friend are as deluded as your pious fellow loons. I bid you and your Celestial Dictator every happiness in the after-life, just please keep the noise down as some of us wish to live our lives for today and with both feet within the basis of reality. So keep your proselytising black and white-ism to your self and go find a nice effigy to talk to. Anonymous on Jul 25 2012, 03:46

This site really cheered me up. I was literally crying at work reading these entries and holding in my thunderous farts. I do find that if I take a digestive aid with my first bite of Kashi, it helps lesson the gas dramatically. If there were something we can do to lesson the gas while eating this protein enriched cereal, I would be all on it. Anonymous on Jul 26 2012, 22:36

I'm in the process of reading all these comments...it's hilarious. Anyways, with my newfound knowledge, I've decided to have a little fun with this. I have the house to myself this weekend and plan to stuff my face with Kashi Go Lean Crunch (i'm thinking 5+ cups a day??). I'll keep you guys updated on my adventure. Wish me luck Anonymous on Jul 26 2012, 23:12

A few corrections: Joey wasn't shot in the face, he was shot in the back while jumping out of the jailhouse windows after shooting 3 members of a vigilante mob. He did not translate the alleged golden plates behind a curtain. He had his face stuck in a hat and magically the words appeared using magic rocks (Urim and Thummim). The elusive golden plates were not in the room most times according to witnesses. It would have been difficult for them to be in the room as they didn't exist. Joey was one of the greatest con men of all time. LDS HQ in Salt Lake City does tend to exaggerate their membership as people are duped into joining the cult and then the ones with IQs slight higher than their shoe size bail when they are fed some of the more ridiculous doctrine of the cult. Anonymous on Jul 27 2012, 09:27

This is HANDS DOWN the most hilarious discussion thread ever. Please don't ever delete it, okay? Cuz it's linked on my blog. FTR, my home is now a Kashi GoLean Crunch free zone. You think it does a number on humans? One of my cats managed to ingest about two teaspoonfuls last year and was deathly ill for ten days! Anonymous on Jul 28 2012, 22:36 john paris, Stig O'Malley, darignac and jesus (you especially) THANK YOU, you have made this 16 year old from surrey's day Anonymous on Jul 29 2012, 06:33

Im Mormon. U can't say things like this. What if I said that ur religion is retarded? How would that feel? You can't start calling religions retarded for no reason. Even thought what u said on the above its terrible. So stop calling peeps retarded. Freak. Anonymous on Jul 29 2012, 20:55

We LOVE Corn King Bacon.Are you people too STUPID to pull the slices apart??? It is a very simple process if you are NOT STUPID!!!!!! All bacon has fat in it....you STUPID MORONS!!!! I am detecting lots of STUPID people that can't think fpr themselves, shop for themselves,or pull apart bacon strips...... GOSH, SOME OF YOU ARE JUST STUPID!!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Jul 30 2012, 18:50

You have no idea what you are talking about. clearly you have never felt the spirit before. Anonymous on Jul 31 2012, 08:48

I immediately noticed all of the sites you linked are managed by the same company, VetMatrix.com. This is especially obvious, when

Page 172 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

viewing them on a mobile device -- the mobile version of the sites are identical, except for the business name. Puts a damper on your argument against how many sites use that image, because they're all essentially the same web site, with CSS cospetics applied. Anonymous on Aug 1 2012, 23:42

OK, so if I buy a pack of Coca-Cola, and someone takes a picture of the pack of Coca-Cola, and posts it to their website can I sue the person that took a picture of my Coke? Or should Coke try to claim damages? That is an idiotic argument stated by an idiotic human being. Maybe you work for the North Branch Veterinary Clinic or have some vested interest in it (gasp). The horror. Idiot. Anonymous on Aug 2 2012, 02:23

This stuff shouldn't even be legal. Make criminals eat this stuff in Jail. P.S. If you're constipated, this cereal will be your dream. Doctors should recommend it for chronic constipation, but it should come with a toxic gas warning lmao Anonymous on Aug 2 2012, 15:22

I just ate 2 Fiber One bars 5 minutes ago before reading this article. Pure terror and anxiety is going on right now. I might explode. Anonymous on Aug 2 2012, 18:24

@Austin, are you sure it wasn't wind? As cults go, Moronism is evidentially one of the most cultish. And by definition subscribing to a cult/religion is a surrender of faculty and subscription to the notion of wishful thinking. In an age that has provided greater understanding of ourselves and the universe, to turn blind eye and return to primal philosophy is lazy, an evasion of personal responsibility and quite clearly fucking retarded. Anonymous on Aug 2 2012, 21:44 poop is fun i am not a virgin cuz of poo i stuck it in my anus and i have a poop baby his name is jimmy Anonymous on Aug 4 2012, 18:15

As a born again Christian myself, I have found little to no reason to believe from all of my experience by the Holy Spirit, of angels or archangels, or the Word of God that the Mormon religion is anything but false doctrine. I won't say to what degree (that it would matter), merely that it seems to be more than a spelling mistake on one of their pamphlets. I will say this however.. “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.― (Matt. 25:37–40.) To the rest..I say what I say not dependant on convincing, but that it has been said here, if it was not before. Have a good weekend people..if you can get past the potential vitriol of the subject..like any good topic. Anonymous on Aug 4 2012, 19:44

I do like his hair though. He has to have tremendous cajones to just be who he is and the hair too. Wow. BTW anybody who would put their faith in this jackhole deserves what they get! My humble opinion only Anonymous on Aug 5 2012, 18:32

'"Oh, Miss Whiskers, your fur is so wet," said Noddy. He got a towel to dry her. Everyone crowded round, talking and cheering. Hurrah! The brave little car had saved everyone It stood there, dripping wet, saying "Parp-parp!" whenever anyone patted it.' (Noddy at the Seaside. Chapter 6 p46-48) Anonymous on Aug 5 2012, 22:16

Yahoo! Search By Frases "mormons are retards" 38,100 results "mormons are retarded" 147,000 results "mormons belief crazy shit" 352,000 results "mormons are idiots" 731,000 results "mormons aren't christians" 1,340,000 results "mormons are racist" 1,910,000 results "joseph smith was a retard" 2,060,000 results "mormons are weird" 2,510,000 results "mormons are stupid"

Page 173 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

3,050,000 results "mormons are dumb" 3,540,000 results "don't elect a mormon president" 3,620,000 results "kick mormons out" (there's a website for this one where EVERYONE should sign up!) 3,720,000 results "mormons are crazy" 4,370,000 results "mormons are full of shit" 4,620,000 results "mormons are a cult" 5,650,000 results "mormons are not friendly" 7,150,000 results "mormons are evil" 7,180,000 results "mormons are wrong" 7,870,000 results "mormonism is a joke" 8,070,000 results "joseph smith was a liar" 13,900,000 results "mormons are not your friends" 14,000,000 results "mormonism is evil" 18,600,000 results "mormonism is a lie" 14,800,000 "mormonism is false" 18,800,000 results "mormonism is not christianity" 19,100,000 results "mormons are full of it" 40,800,000 results "joseph smith was a fraud" 66,200,000 resultsu "joseph smith was full of shit 94,200,000 results "joseph smith was a con" 112,000,000 "joseph smith was not a prophet" 258,000,000 results "joseph smith was full of it" 414,000,000 results ======We should gather up all mormons, put them in a boat, send them across ANY large ocean and sink it in the middle of nowhere Anonymous on Aug 6 2012, 02:13

Even if it was a lie, Joseph Smith brain washed us into serving our fellow man. Anonymous on Aug 6 2012, 02:20

So (ANON) you believe that lies and brainwashing if done 'for the greater good' justify the means? If a Moron genuinely wishes to "serve his fellow man" I suggest he/she keep their retarded aspirations to the confines of their living rooms (after the kids have gone to bed, naturally) as they're plain retarded with regard to the ascent of man. And stop sending your brainwashed zealot 19 year olds out as canon* fodder for your cause, you should be ashamed of yourselves. You clandestine elitist Masonaric loonies...

Page 174 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

"Don't answer the question they ask, answer the question they should have asked." Robert Millet (Author of "You Lying Get - a Modern Guide to Moron Apologetics" Anonymous on Aug 6 2012, 03:16

Thanks for the post. Now I know what's going on with my G.I.'s "fermentation party". Anonymous on Aug 7 2012, 09:42

You guys are all fucking hilarious. Keep up the good work! Thanks again. Ta ta. Anonymous on Aug 8 2012, 09:56

I live in UT and can tell you first hand - Mormons are nice but totally stupid. The shit they believe in is laughable. How they say it with a straight face is beyond me.. nice people for the most part, but friggin' morans when it comes to life. Darn looney mormons... Anonymous on Aug 8 2012, 17:52

Oh My God!!!! thank god theres a place where Mormons can be talked bad about!! I can't stand there views on how to live, life, and god!! it is a crazy brainwashing and energy draining cult! people walking around like robots without a clue of who they really are and there true feelings of themselves. THEY HAVE NO CLUE!! Afraid to try anything.. living in fear..1 number one way to control ..instill fear. be careful Mormons you will loose your essence completely, if you loose all of yourself. DON'T BE A ROBOT! ASK YOURSELF QUESTIONS!! NOT THE CHURCH! LIES HURT . THE TRUTH FEELS GOOD!! BE YOURSELF!! Oh yes one more thing!! BAPTISM OF THE DEAD WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK FUCKKK!! Ok can you say SATANIC! those crazy mutha fuckers! I for one am sure as hell glad im not mormon that is also called conjuring of the spirits! I can't believe people don't question this. its evil! and wrong!! Anonymous on Aug 10 2012, 15:10

Black > Mormon. Obama for four more years because . . . really? What's the alternative? Anonymous on Aug 10 2012, 18:31

Robbie, in the joseph smith translation of nobby at the seashore the brave little car did not save everyone. Only those who received the special signs, tokens, and secret (sacred) handshakes in the holy temple were allowed to be saved by nobby. Simply accept nobby in their hearts was just not enough! (JST Nobby at the seashore chap 6 vs. 23) Anonymous on Aug 11 2012, 00:42

Obama hasn't really done shit for this country, but to have a mormon president? Makes everyone who really thinks about it puke a little bit in their mouths. Might as well vote for Obama instead. Just make sure to tell him to outlaw mormonism. ROMNEY is the root of all evil.

By the way...

Don't tell the mormons but their religion is not real. It's like playing Doctor. You can dress up, act the part, believe it, but in the end.... you're not a Doctor.

DO NOT VOTE FOR ROMNEY!!! DO NOT VOTE FOR ROMNEY!!! DO NOT VOTE FOR ROMNEY!!! DO NOT VOTE FOR ROMNEY!!! DO NOT VOTE FOR ROMNEY!!! DO NOT VOTE FOR ROMNEY!!! Don't let his magic underwear lure you in. You have been warned. Anonymous on Aug 11 2012, 01:20

This cleared up a lot of worries for me! I had bought a bulk box of Kashi GoLEAN and thought it would be great! HOLY SHIT!!! I thought something was seriously wrong with my stomach! I had to excuse myself from meetings at work because my stomach was making so much noise. It's the kind of gas that you can literally see building up inside of your abdomen! It's loud enough before it

Page 175 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

even leaves your body. I'm a vegetarian so I had unreal volumes of gas but thankfully it didn't stink. But the amount of pain and discomfort I went through after two bowls for breakfast was unbearable! I will be eating this on my days off and only when I know I won't be leaving the house! Anonymous on Aug 11 2012, 13:25

I actually thought after I ate these that I was dying of prostate cancer and made an appointment with a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy. i had such bad stomach cramps that I had to sit on the toi toi for hours in the morning, and don't even think about one of these with coffee, instant enema (IE). LOL my friends call it the Accidental Enema. I also had just bought some protein bars and I noticed that I didn't get as gassy the day I ate that one. So then i did the experiment and I only toot after the fiber one bars. OMG. I was sitting in a meeting on a Friday nite and it smelled so bad in my area first I thought it was the guy next to me, who moved after the break never came back wonder why? So it still smelled and then I thought my feet smelled in my shoes so when I got home I decided I must have stepped in some dog doo and I threw away my shoes the odor was impossible to forget! LOL. Little did I know that it was my smelly toots. I figured it out the next day when I had on different shoes and had showered. Too bad I really loved those sandals! Anonymous on Aug 12 2012, 00:10

I also would rather vote for a good candidate this year instead of Obama but there is a 100% chance i will not ever vote for a mormon for president! Anonymous on Aug 12 2012, 21:23

I had 7 or 8 fiber one bars today, seriously. I've read the effects of eating two or three bars, but do not know what to expect with 7 or 8. These are so damn good, I'm going to buy another box tomorrow. Anonymous on Aug 13 2012, 22:50

Here is a quote spoken by US Senator Mike Lee (R-UT) last week (Sometime in June of 2012) "Mormons sort of have an extra chromosome when it comes to American exceptionalism." Really, Senator Lee? That scientifically means that Mormons are retarded. Truly, mental retardation and their beliefs about race go hand-in-hand. Source: The Hill Anonymous on Aug 14 2012, 23:48

I have used cornking in the past and found it to be average, but lately...especially the last package that I bought, it was mostly fat and the slices were so thin that they were inseperable and one end of it was not even sliced ! Wake up Tyson...or whoever is responsible for this product. You've lost my business....and a lot of others too, from the looks of this page! Anonymous on Aug 16 2012, 09:56

I heard that the Germans used this technique to fill the gas chambers. My wife has threatened me with divorce over this. I don't know who to leave ..my wife or go lean.. Anonymous on Aug 17 2012, 00:41

I find it funny that people are bashing religions based on very little knowledge of what they are speaking on. I took many college courses over the past years that worked in detail on religions. If it woks for them, then let them be. It is no more weird than Wicca, or Hinduism. I think that judging someone based on their religion is petty and immature. So what if he believes in the Mormon religion. Anonymous on Aug 17 2012, 10:20

@ Your leader. “Very little knowledge – of what they’re speaking on―, is that so? Please define the degree of knowledge one must know before establishing that religion (and more namely Moronism) is retarded? I’m wondering at this point in time how versed you are in the true effects/ramifications of superstition upon mankind; was there a college course available examining this by any chance? Plus everyone has the right to judge another, we all do it – so let’s be honest about this, it’s how we make our sensible choices. For example, when you’re (seriously) ill and need to see the doctor, to whom do you go – a faith healer? Would you have a doctor who rejects the fundamentals of science treat your children? I’m glad you find it funny, although you’ll have to appreciate that someone of us are pretty sick of the way bullshit poisons everything. I.e. sometimes it’s beyond a joke. Anonymous on Aug 17 2012, 18:34

Try getting the truth first. Everyone bases their facts on what the internet has to offer. Get off your ass and do some research. You know, open a book or something. Though that would mean leaving your life of a couch potato to do so. Did you know that The LDS church has the largest farm in America. Think about that the next time you bite into that burger! Do you know that they were the first people to step up and help during hurricane Katrina... Do some REAL research. Anonymous on Aug 17 2012, 23:23

Most all of you are uneducated haters who know absolutely nothing. I'm not an active Mormon. I was raised Mormon, but it's not for me. Saying that i respect their morals and what they believe in. I respect every religion and their core beliefs. All you mother fuckers, especially the adults, that are filled with so much hatred and venom over a religion is a joke. Get a life. God and religion is all good. Buddha is good and so are Muslims. The best religion of them all is Rastafarianism:). To all the parents who are worried their precious child might convert, are you serious? Dont be stupid focus on how happy he or she is. Who cares what they do in the temPle or if blacks weren't excepted during a certain time. They are now. By the way if I remember right everyone had issues with black people. Shit racism is still very much an issue today. Stop acting like mormons were the only people hating on the African Americans.

Page 176 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Every religion has FLAWS and is a damn colt. About same sex marriage, I don't give a shit they can do what they want. But to sit on this joke for a website and bash the Mormons for sticking up for what they truly believe in is silly. If you believe in Christ or any form of the bible you believe in same sex marriage to dumbasses. Every bible says marriage is between man and women. I stand neutral. Excuse the mormons for being proactive on what they think is right. If you dont agree then do as much as the crazy Mormons and fight back. You should probably vote too. I cant believe you let this crazy religion get to you like this. Live your life dont worry about other people and their beliefs specially when most of them are good people. Im a dirt bag for a mormon but every religion has there dirt bags. And guess what the truly christ like members accept me for who i am, btut a lot of ass holes dont too. I'm ok with that. Thats just how it is it doesnt change for any religous group. ALL RELIGIONS are good. Don't send your daughter to Africa bc she might become a Mormon. Could be a lot worse like coming back from Africa with aids. Get a grip dad, damn fool. anyways that's my very unorganized rant. Whoever started this stupid post fuck you and everything you stand for. And that goes for everyone who has a problem with Mormons. Fuck you. Your god or religion is as wild and colt like as the lds religion. Start looking and judging people by their actions pieces of shit. We all have out place in the world and we don't need fuckers (majority of people on his post) to make life more negative than it already is. Anonymous on Aug 19 2012, 05:00

I find it hilarious that my re-buttle which proves Robbies ignorance goes un-published. Anonymous on Aug 19 2012, 14:46

@ "Your Leader" I’ll be first to admit that I am ignorant about many things with regard to the (often clandestine) workings of the Moron church – but not completely ignorant. I’ve formed my views over many years not via assumptive reasoning but by the evidence presented. My approach has been multi directional i.e. a reasoned look from different aspects and perspectives. The religious mind (especially the theistic) often convinces itself that it does same, but I posit that their inquiry remains within limited grounds - a ‘comfort zone’ if you like. Yes, this may ‘work for them’ (as you put it) but it’s that very fear of the dark which retards mankind’s advance and keeps the lazy minded as ‘couch potatoes’ watching the likes of William Craig (the epitome of ignorance) enforce their own delusion. The physical universe is the way it is, not the way we think or indeed wish it should be. True science moves to explain how, religion presupposes a ‘why’ and then works backwards thus it is retarded by definition. And being first (second, third or even seventh) at a disaster scene to give aid is a reflection of decent considerate human behaviour – which begs the question. Do the religious aid their fellow human because they (believe) they’ve been instructed to as per their Holy Book or do they give help via an innate sense of wishing to help those around them who are less fortunate? Anonymous on Aug 19 2012, 20:00

@Robbie They do it because that is what any human should do, but they do it TOGETHER. They consider themselves family. They want to see the better side of the world, and to do so, they try to reach out and help others to see that there is good out there. They do it without trying to Convert. Jesus is their example, and Jesus was selfless. It's similar to raising a child. Your child learns by example, as do many of Jesus' followers. Not just the LDS church, but many others. The LDS church just has the funding to give much. Anonymous on Aug 19 2012, 21:30

Oh thank God I found this site, I was ready for the emergency room! Spent 5-6 hours last night doubled up in bed thinking I was going to die... This was after my first ever bowl of GoLean Crunch yesterday morning (yummy with soy milk). Meatloaf for lunch... strangely windy yesterday afternoon, had to take a stroll around the building many times; some major pant inflation going on... Like all men I was secretly congratulating myself on duration and 'tone'...... and blaming the meatloaf! 1:30am I'm lifting the sheets while trying not to wake the missus.... Even the dog sat up and stared at me.... Never, ever again.... I've donated the rest of the box to the office kitchen: revenge is a dish best served for breakfast! Anonymous on Aug 21 2012, 09:56

I had been eating Kashi Crunch cereal with soy milk for more than a year thinking it was healthy. As many others have said, the massive gas production was delayed and increased when I ate more food later in the day. Because of the delay, it never dawned on me that my morning chow was causing me to fear public places and intimate settings with others. I went to a Gastroenterologist and he didn't have much interest in my diet, but was all too happy to probe my colon to the tune of several thousand dollars which turned up nothing. At least that was good news. So I suffered on. I took a date to see Romeo and Juliet for Valentines Day. There were four rows in the round and only one intermission. I can't remember any of the play because I had to concentrate so hard on holding in the gas. My ass was in lock down mode. When you hold them in, you produce very loud rumblings as the gas blows and bubbles from one section of your colon to another, which everyone around you can hear. The worst part is that you can't possibly rid yourself of all the gas during a brief intermission. The gas is often trapped. I hate to admit it, but on this occasion and many others, I got down on my knees with my head to the floor and ass to the ceiling to pass as much gas as possible. God only knows what the people were thinking who were standing outside the one-stall bathroom waiting for me to finish. When I returned to my seat I had to endure the rest of the play focusing all my attention on holding in the farts. This scene repeated many times... rumbling noises coming from me at board meetings and small group meetings, emergency runs to the bathroom at Home Depot, etc. Perhaps the worst was jury duty where I was trapped in the jury box at the mercy of the judge to grant a short break. I suspect others in the jury box had eaten Kashi Crunch also, as there was rumbling coming from several jurists, like our insides were talking to each other. I held my sphincter respectfully shut, but others were not so successful, which gave me a sense of dread and at the same time a case of the giggles... not something the judge appreciated. One day I had a brain flash and googled Soy + Gas and discovered that Soy as used in cereals and many other products causes gas because it gets passed into the colon before being digested in the gut. The bacteria in the colon go to work on it and produce massive gas. This supports the other reports and my own experience of the gas getting robust after eating a second meal. The second meal

Page 177 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

causes the Kashii/soy meal to move into the colon undigested. I immediately gave up soy milk and Kashi Crunch which has soy protein in it. My gas and bloating cleared up right away. If you are experiencing severe bloating and gas, I strongly recommend that you eliminate Kashi and most soy products from your diet. It worked for me. Anonymous on Aug 22 2012, 06:31 i ate one before a night out with the guy i was seeing and let out the biggest fart of my life DURING SEX. thank god he was drunk enough not to remember that. or good at pretending it didnt happen. Anonymous on Aug 22 2012, 20:57

"your leader" your awesome! In my family alone I have Mormons, Gays, Blacks, atheists, Catholics, whites, republicans, democratics etc... When we all get together we all talk about our beliefs and obviously what we stand for. Everyone should be able to stand up for whatever they believe to be true. However, hatred never proves a good point. When this country had slaves and used hatred against them it did nothing but bring sorrow. Thousands or Mormons were murdered when the church was first introduced and this did nothing for anyone. If Atheists around the world were specifically targeted would this bring anyone happiness? Of course not! Everyone on this site that speaks evil towards any person should be ashamed of themselves and reevaluate how they are living their lives. For those who say Mormons Hate gays or whatever they are so mislead. Mormons may not believe in what gays stand for however they don't hate or wish harm against them. Gays have got to understand that not everyone is going to agree with what they believe. They may think they are being persecuted but so does everyone else in this life. To pinpoint one specific religion or people is absurd. Sure they vote against you and put money towards keeping what they believe to be correct, but doesn't everyone? How many gay protests do you see daily? How much money is spent daily for that way of life? Is that wrong too? NO, because everyone is entitled to stand up for what they believe. Its funny because in some countries its okay to have a sexual partner that is extremely young like 12 years old. Now if a group tried to introduce that type of sexual freedom into the usa people would freak out. Many gays would fight against it. Why? Why would anyone fight against it? Who made up that rule to say that it is wrong? I personally would be totally against it. But then again that's my freedom of speech. So how is that any different than Mormons being against gay marriage? It's not discrimination, it's merely what they believe to be true and you can't hate them for that. It's that freedom that makes our country amazing and no one should be revoked of that freedom. It's the hatred towards others that is pathetic, wrong, and never leads to good. You don't agree with Mormons? That's great, but why hate them or bash them? What point does that prove? If people only knew all the good they do for the world they might reconsider hating them. They spend millions and millions every year on helping people injured in disasters. They spend millions giving people food and clothing. They dedicate their lives to giving 10% of EVERYTHING they earn so that they can provide money for these types of instances along with building their church and NOT one LEADER or member of the church gets paid for their service. Thousands of missionaries daily give service by building churches for other religions that have been destroyed, helping disaster victims, helping the elderly, feeding the poor, and doing daily service for 2 years. You show me any other 19 year old who is willing to leave partying and his home for 2 years to do service? I could go on and on and on. If you think they are weird and annoying, oh well. I'm sure 99% of the Mormons out there have done more good in their lives for man kind then the people out there bashing them. So for all of you who have some more ignorant things to say, I think you should really consider what good YOU are doing for the world and i guess go along enjoying the cheap thrill you get for spreading your hatred. Anonymous on Aug 26 2012, 05:55

Meanwhile, back down on earth... Anonymous on Aug 28 2012, 02:36

Wow i agree,this should so be taken off the internet.People are trying to get less people to do this. Verry verry bad i learned this in school today v_v VERRY DISAPOINTING!! Anonymous on Aug 28 2012, 19:54

Tom, your post is a perfect balance of ignorance and misinformation. You have the typical mormon persecution complex and you arrogantly ignore the fact that mormons are guilty of plenty of violence and persecution of their own. (mountain meadows, proposition If the mormon church simply speaks out against gay marraige that is freedom of speech, but the moment the church spends a cent of donated money to fund suppression of civil rights, that IS discrimination and that is exactly what they did.

Your claim that "NOT ONE LEADER" gets paid for their service is also false. The mormon church makes the claim of unpaid ministry but they neglect to disclose the fact that the mormon prophet and apostles recieve generous living allowances and expense accounts that exceed many CEO incomes. If you are going to waste our time with drivel, please at least give us factually correct drivel. Your Leader, your claim that a large mormon farm = true church is asinine. You are surely the leader... of the idiots ( I guess elders quorum) Anonymous on Aug 29 2012, 01:03

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain and most fools do. Here is some advice, choose to live your life differently while your here "back down on earth". Anyone has the opportunity to change their perspective or their approach towards life. If you really hate mormons sooooo much or think they are retarded, then the best way to destroy an enemy is to make them your friend. The thing that I personally find most amusing about this and the reason I even post on this site is because i enjoy watching the harsh words of people give way to simple truths. Do any of you even realize what a disservice your doing for yourselves? Do you realize how many people join the Mormon church because of blogs like these? All this hatred within websites, movies "the godmakers 1& 2 ha ha" only spark the interest of people to research what Mormons really believe, or who they really are. Once people find that out, they can't deny the uplifting nature or calmness that comes over them. Don't believe me? Research it. OR more simply, just allow yourself to let this hatred and bias go and visit a Mormon church one time. A successful person (religion) is one that can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others have thrown at him (them). Right now the Mormon religion, as a whole, has made most of the people and the leader of this site look, I'm sorry to say, uneducated or if not that, then just bitter for some weird reason. Robbie don't be so proud! I'm not speaking of the proud that is good. I'm speaking of the proud type person that makes every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, or any measure device against others. Pride is an ugly vice Robbie, Pride (in your case) says, if the Mormon

Page 178 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

religion succeeds, then I'm a failure. Humble yourself enough to be teachable in life within all things and to show respect for the beliefs of others. Oh yeah one last thing, I am a so called "retarded" mormon. I have not been attending for the last 6 years of my life. I've been angry, spiteful, out of the church, and honestly i fought against it much like everyone else on this site. However, seeing all this along with other things just reconfirms why it really is such an amazing church. Many of you cannot understand this religion, have heard bad things past down about it, or even for those of you who work countless hours to somehow prove it to others to be wrong. The religion can be described as simple as this, "KINDNESS is our religion." If somehow one of us, all of us, or just our beliefs in general have offended you, well then, in behalf of all of us and all the horrible things we have done to you, "we sincerely apologize it never was,is, or will be our intention." Anonymous on Aug 29 2012, 03:45

Elder Matumbo, I will not argue with you over these things. It's not worth it because It will just fall on deaf ears. I don't speak in arrogance and if thats how it came off, well i apologize. Also you say I have a persecution complex? Oh is that because I was proving a point that hatred towards ANYONE or ANY GROUP is wrong??? If you don't recall I mentioned blacks, atheists, gays, etc... Somewhere in there im sure you belong in a group that feels persecuted. So be happy to know I included you too. However, I guess I have a complex for standing up for the Mormons because they are the ones being critizised on this site. If I stood up for baptists on this site would that even make sense???? Ha ha ha, think about it... I do know some of your so called "facts" are a little incorrect or worthless to talk about with people who have made up minds. It's like trying to prove God does or does not exist. Can you really PROVE any of it? Ha ha waste of time for everyone but here you go for your entertainment or pleasure. You can burn a Book of Mormon later k. 1. Mountain Meadows. It was horrible, however, did you somehow travel back to the past? Or did anti Mormon material somehow get altered throughout time? How do you know what is fact? This story has been blown apart by both sides. I can defend the Mormons, just as easily as you can try to tear them down. Did some Mormons do a wrong thing? YES. Was it the church as a whole? NO. Were some mormons fighting back to prove a point? Yes. But then again you are the master right? Wait the documents you have about it were the exact truth right? Come on now. 2. Prop 8. Did a ton of Mormons get together and become organized? Well yes. Did they vote? Yes. Was it mandatory within the church for them to vote! NO. Did they do it because they don't believe In gay marriage? Yes. Is it because they are homophobic? Maybe some are??? Did they put all there money together to help their cause? Yes. Did other religions as well? yes!!!! Did other people as well, yes!!! Did majority of black people vote against gays? Yes!!! What do you want me to say? Mormon members raised a lot of money. They are a very organized people and they are very firm about their beliefs. I'm sorry that it didn't turn out the way that gays would have wanted. Once again though, more than just Mormons donated money, Including many other churches that were never mentioned. They checked the files. Mormons were an easy target for people. Are you trying to also tell me that no one uses donation money in politics? What about celebrity donations? Media? Other organizations? Other churches? And NO gays never put money together ha ha ha give me a break. (sounds to me like elder matumbo has a typical gay persecution complex like all gays do. SUCKS when people stereotype huh. Oh by the way Steve young the quarterback who is lds and active stood against prop 8. Not all Mormons were out to get cha! Nor did the church get mad at him. Think about that and look that up for your factual binder. 3. I don't claim that not one leader gets paid, I know they don't. You know why? The prophet and the apostles live by a law called the law of consecration. Look it up since you have all the facts. I've seen exactly where they live and met and talked with many of them. The law of consecration, What that means, is that these men (some who are brain surgeons, doctors, and other careers) give all that they own, (some millions that they had) to the church. In doing so they are given an allowance of that money they GAVE to survive. Most (including the prophet) live in small apartments in downtown SLC. They are driven around in cars that the church owns. They fly on jets that the church owns, not them. They eat normal food. They don't wear fancy jewerly or go to elaborate million dollar CEO parties. Ha ha ha. Their wives are not pampered with expensive gifts daily. You are really mislead. They live a life of service. It's much like the missionaries "ELDER". I served in Chile for 2 years. Did I get paid? Ha ha ha I showered with a bucket of cold water everyday. The money I saved before my mission I donated and it was then dispersed to me in increments for 2 years. I not only taught about what I believe but I painted homes, cleaned yards, took care of sick, etc... I loved it. Why you ask? Because it taught me how to love everyone, including my enemies. Hey Elder, maybe you should serve. You already gave yourself the title. Still don't understand how the church has money? Okay do me a favor k. This next year, save just 10% of anything you make and set it aside. At the end of the year you will have a lot of money saved up. Now just imagine the people within the church that have millions and pay tithing. Your facts make me laugh but honestly they make me sad that some people preach hatred more than love. Anyway, I'm done ha ha ha. I wish you the best. Anonymous on Aug 29 2012, 06:06

What an obnoxious and arrogant little man. I’ve heard the above Moron horse shit so many times – it’s bog standard propagandist spiel that only the credulous and Moronic buy. Well I’ve news for you Tom, the world is now waking up and seeing absurd supernaturalist religious cults such as yours for what they are. The cat’s out of the bag, any intelligent person with a computer can educate themselves if they so wish. You’ve been exposed, no more hiding behind piety, self-imposed martyrdom and the "Mr Nice Guy" banner. If you truly wish for refuge, choose reality... it's not easy at times, but at least it doesn't fuck with your head. Anonymous on Aug 29 2012, 22:50

Tom You are a dim witted lemming aren't you. Its too bad you had to waste so much time learning spanish for your mission that you neglected to learn about your religion. Your 3 counterpoints are pretty much just rambling incoherent trash. 1. The mormon church has made several apologies for the Mountain Meadow Massacre most recently by Henry Eyring in 2007. The mormon church seldom takes responsibility for their actions but in this case, the chuch has accepted responsibility so why can't you?

2.The mormon church sent 20 million dollars to California to fund the anti-gay proposition 8. Court records also indicate that the church was fined for not disclosing the entire amount. Deny all you want but if you remove your head from your ass and look up the public court documents you will find this is a well documented fact.

Page 179 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

3. You have accused me of having my own persecution complex because I am either black, gay. athiest blah blah. First, this statment exposes you as an ass, but second you missed the target. Unfortunately the only skeleton in my closet that I am embarassed to confess is that I was a mormon for many years. In fact Tom, for several years I was the stake financial secretary and dealt with church headquarters very frequently. I am well aware of the church finances and if there is one thing mormons like to do is gossip and I got many stories from those in the know in SLC about the muted but extravagant lifestyles of the church leaders. Monson has quite a reputation for being a demanding pig. So tom, I have earned my title of elder and you can now just go and fuck your hatbadge! Anonymous on Aug 30 2012, 00:25

You guys make me laugh. Oh and why didn't my other comment get posted? Oh yeah probably because whoever is in charge decided not to show that one ha ha. See everyone, they tend to only show what "they find to be beneficial to a cause that has absolutely no meaning.". angry men always act this way. Anonymous on Aug 30 2012, 02:52

Sorry Tom, I love to watch this, it's awesome - I never moderate a comment out unless it is junk... Sadly the post you were referring to was in my junk mail... I guess even Google thinks your comments are junk! Weird. Anyway - your comment is now posted in the place it should have been posted in this conversation. BTW - Please weigh in on who is winning this Mormon smack-down with the "Who's winning" poll in the upper left-hand side of the blog. There appears to be an early favorite but don't relent! Keep on jabbing away! TK (Admin) Anonymous on Aug 30 2012, 03:30

"I guess even Google thinks your comments are junk!"

Ha ha ha (just paraphrasing Major Tom there), Thanks for allaying my "anger" TK, I mean I've really been steaming under the collar here, "hating" away, eating babies who dare look at me funny, pushing old ladies over in the street, having indiscriminate sex with whomever I choose (see what I did there) and oh, mustn't forget drinking copious amounts of coffee. It's a hard tiring life being a heathen, but without us - how else would the zealots externalize? Anonymous on Aug 30 2012, 03:56

Yeah yeah yeah, I guess there is nothing "anyone" can do for any of you right? Let's just put all them Mormons on an island and blow it up. That should take care of your problems, your hatred, all your petty complaining. Or maybe I can find ya a few more young kids that can come across your site. You can swear at them and bash in their spirits some more. Oh yeah, you don't believe in spirits. Ughhhh i guess you can bash in their nothingness, their non value, their worthlessness. Let's do that, because that shows real integrity. That's a true classy person for ya. A real man ha ha ha Anyway, once again all us mormons apologize for making your lives soooooo hard. "it is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.". It's sad not one of you has the moral courage to see, hey this is petty and pathetic. Why hurt little kids, women, or others? Oh yeah it's because you must value who you are and you must stand for things that build people up. Ha ha. I wish you all the best in life, i really do. Robbie, elder and TK, take it easy guys and Just Reeeelaaaxxx ha ha If you don't believe there is a real purpose to this life then why do you care anyway? If I were you, and I had no purpose heck I would freaking live it up with positivity. Life is so much better when negativity is eliminated. Build up a few Mormons once in a while, who knows your positivity might cure their retarded brainwashed insignificant lives. Anonymous on Aug 30 2012, 13:20

Yeah, take care Tom (especially when crossing the road) and if you ever happen to be passing, please say "Ha" to Kolob from me. I'm off to club a few baby seals now (it helps me unwind), so so long and good luck with your new meds! Anonymous on Aug 30 2012, 19:29

The real problem is...... we let politics become more important than our creator!!! JESUS is the answer! Accept Jesus as your lord and savior, or perish! Anonymous on Aug 30 2012, 23:28

I recently met my family on a much needed trip to the beach and bought a box of Kashi Go Lean Crisp Toasted Berry Crumble as a special "vacation" treat. Yes, this stuff tastes fabulous, but I spent the entire trip passing incredible amounts of gas and trying desperately to figure out what the hell was going on in my stomach. What a relief to find this site and discover that 1) I am not alone in the distress caused by Kashi Go Lean, and 2) I do not have some chronic disease. I think a couple of other people posting here are on to something regarding the soy protein being the culprit. In my search for more information I came across an alarming article that discusses the soy protein found in Kashi Go Lean is 100% genetically modified and the “hexane bath― that the soybeans are immersed in consists of more than 50% n-hexane, which is a known neurotoxin, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention! Read for yourself here: http://www.takepart.com/article/2012/04/26/kashis-gmo-controversy-rages OMG!! Anonymous on Aug 31 2012, 11:17

Catholics own their crazy. Its right on the table. With Mormons its more like fight club - Bill Maher

Page 180 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Aug 31 2012, 14:34

Tom You are a dim witted lemming aren't you. Its too bad you had to waste so much time learning spanish for your mission that you neglected to learn about your religion. Your 3 counterpoints are pretty much just rambling incoherent trash. 1. The mormon church has made several apologies for the Mountain Meadow Massacre most recently by Henry Eyring in 2007. The mormon church seldom takes responsibility for their actions but in this case, the chuch has accepted responsibility so why can't you?

2.The mormon church sent 20 million dollars to California to fund the anti-gay proposition 8. Court records also indicate that the church was fined for not disclosing the entire amount. Deny all you want but if you remove your head from your ass and look up the public court documents you will find this is a well documented fact. 3. You have accused me of having my own persecution complex because I am either black, gay. athiest blah blah. First, this statment exposes you as an ass, but second you missed the target. Unfortunately the only skeleton in my closet that I am embarassed to confess is that I was a mormon for many years. In fact Tom, for several years I was the stake financial secretary and dealt with church headquarters very frequently. I am well aware of the church finances and if there is one thing mormons like to do is gossip and I got many stories from those in the know in SLC about the muted but extravagant lifestyles of the church leaders. Monson has quite a reputation for being a demanding pig. So tom, I have earned my title and you can now just go and fuck your hatbadge! Anonymous on Sep 2 2012, 23:55

Hey heckubiss I love Bill Maher too. Tom will say we like Bill only because he beats up on mormon women and children. Did you notice in his last post, Tom revealed a strange fixation with little Kids? Toms Bishop recently counselled him that it is best to stay IN the closet, and then promptly removed him from his church role as primary teacher. Jesus wants you for a sunbeam Tom. Anonymous on Sep 3 2012, 00:36

I have never laughed so hard in my life! Thank goodness I am alone in my house right now because I am literally sobbing over these comments. Not only that but I recently finished a hearty bowl of "Gashi" so I'm laying on my couch laughing/farting which only adds to the ironic hilarity of the situation. Anyways I'm so glad that I am not the only one having this noxious dilemma. I used to be so loyal to Kashi Go Lean because of its health benefits. I ate it every morning during my first semester of nursing school. Until one clinical (I ate a rushed bowl at 3 in the morning) I was going around to patient rooms taking vitals and passing breakfast trays when all of a sudden it hit. It felt like an alien was about to burst out of my nether regions. I was trying so hard to hold it in I was near tears. However there was no time for a bathroom break, so I went into one patient's room to check on her and take vitals. As I was getting the automatic blood pressure cuff, my anal sphincter surrendered and I released the largest amount of gas I think any human has ever been able to release at one moment and survive. (Imagine Buddy the Elf's belch except down under). I turned around and continued taking vitals acting like nothing had just happened. Thank goodness my patient was still so drugged up with narcotics she had no idea what atrocity had just escaped my behind. (lucky her) After I was finished I ran to the bathroom and unleashed hell. I still to this day thank the Lord for the distance between the staff bathroom and any patient rooms. Because I tell you if anyone was nearby that bathroom when I had my episode, they would have needed therapy. So what have I learned from this experience? One, NEVER eat Kashi Go Lean Crunch if you are planning on socializing within the next 3-12 hours, and two don't combine other fart inducing foods with the Kashi: ex. Soy Milk, Broccoli, Beans, Prunes. So glad I found this site. Fellow Gashi lovers, Fart on. Anonymous on Sep 4 2012, 01:31 if you dont know anything to the fullest extent dont make friggin assumptions about it you retard read up and get your facts strait and dont say crap about stuff you dont know your the kinda person that pisses me off. Anonymous on Sep 4 2012, 10:34 you idiot take this off the internet some kids don't understand sarcasm !! what if they actually do this "game " with their Best friend ! not only are they going to lie to the authority they are also going to lie to the parents of their best friend !!!!! Anonymous on Sep 4 2012, 12:27 nonya I think I remember you from the Jeopardy tournament of champions. Anonymous on Sep 5 2012, 21:30

LMFAO! Anonymous on Sep 6 2012, 00:35

To add a little twist to things, every single time I eat any kind of Kashi foods in about 12 hours I end up feeling like I threw my back out. It usually starts in my back on the left side, just under my ribs and as it moves though my bowels it ends up in my lower right side in my back. All feeling like I have back problems. And then, once I finally void my bowels totally, the pain is gone. I'd rather have farting issues than back pain anytime. Anonymous on Sep 6 2012, 11:58

I bought 8 boxes of Fiber One bars at the Dollar Tree for 50 cents each using coupons. I was so happy to be getting these at a bargain price. I did not know these things caused terrible gas as I had never purchased them before. The manufacturer should be

Page 181 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

required to put a GAS warning label on these packages. It took me about 3 days to figure out the Fiber One bars were causing the gas. I am going to try and take the remaining boxes to Walmart in exchange for a gift card. Next buyer BEWARE!!!!! Anonymous on Sep 7 2012, 16:07

In my almost 36 years of existence, I have never experienced anything in my body with the unrivaled power these things are capable of unleashing. I’ll just go ahead and admit I snarfed down five of these fiber bars yesterday evening. Let’s face it: they are delicious! And with the day I had, they were the closest thing to comfort food I could find in the pantry. I had never done research on them but knew that they were capable of producing a little gas. Words cannot express the amount of gas five of these things produce. Last night I was a little gassy, but thought “This ain’t so bad.― This morning I woke up and felt a little bloated, but nothing too major. Well of course not. My bowels were saving all the fun and games for work at the office. I’d like to add here that public restrooms aren’t designed to muffle the sounds of a mouse farting, let alone what I had in store for it. I tried that desperate thing where you wad up a bunch of toilet paper and hold it against your hole in a vain attempt to stifle the sound. FAIL. The sounds of my massive sonic booms were painfully amplified by the toilet, followed by an earth-shaking reverberation off the metal stalls and tile floors. And it isn’t like the gas all comes at once. No sooner would I think it was done, get up and get my belt fastened than the pains of a thousand gremlins clawing at my bowels necessitated another round of gassy explosions. This is the closest I’ve ever come to literally blowing up a toilet. I swear at one point I thought if someone were looking into the sky through their telescope, they’d have seen me suddenly fly into view hanging on to a toilet seat just a blastin’ myself through the stratosphere. If you’ve asked yourself recently “How can I feel utterly hopeless while simultaneously smelling like a day-old bucket of dead clams?― then your solution is inside these boxes. Bon Appétit! Anonymous on Sep 7 2012, 16:39

Ive been buying Corn King Bacon from HEB for the longest time and I love it. All of a sudden Im finding out that they are no longer selling my favorite bacon. Who ever thought of not buying it had a bad idea. Now I must go look for it everywhere else. I will probably stop going to HEB once I find out where they sell my Corn King Bacon. Anonymous on Sep 8 2012, 13:14

YOUR AN IDIOT! seriously. old people were once young too, and they are not all thick. just be cause the ones you deal with havent ever used a computer before. They were of a generation who went out and worked hard labour, unlike a keyboard warrior who sits at a desk blogging utter crap like this. I have worked in customer centres for years and yes old people can be frustrating but wishing they would die and posting shit about it online is just unacceptable! you need to drink that antifreeze and do the world a favour and slip into coma yourself! Dick! Anonymous on Sep 12 2012, 05:58

Robbie it appears that we have shown the mormons the way, the truth, and the light. Now what are they going to do with all those empty temples? Anonymous on Sep 12 2012, 23:34

Well during some ‘delightful’ discussions with a theotard recently – who incidentally didn’t impart to me which version of rock he was fervently being led to – I had this idea. You see he described my disbelief in god/gods as being a ‘religion’ and this had me thinking. Due to lack of evidence, there are many other things I don’t believe in such as Precambrian rabbits, fairies disguised as angels (or vice versa), unicorns (tee hee), magic, crop circles, celestial teapots, Lancaster bombers on the moon, homeopathy, astrology, divining, Mormon geneticists, pseudo science and Clint Eastwood’s proficiency as a Gestalt therapist. So I thought about turning these vacant Taj Mahals into ‘Churches of disbelief’, you know a place where skeptical folk could congregate and have a good laugh at the expense of the credulous and intentionally blinkered. But then I thought that although not clandestine, the idea was perhaps a tad elitist. And knowing mankind’s inherent taste for bullshit – well it wouldn’t be long before we’d have another 'Library of Alexandria' as the pious mobs descended weilding fire bombs, crucifixes and butt plugs. Either that or we could lease them all out to Starbucks. What would you suggest Elder Matumbo? Anonymous on Sep 13 2012, 02:46

Gestalt therapy and mormon geneticists? OMG I can't stop laughing. Speaking of elitists, butt plugs, and bullshit - Mittmormon Romney is in the news tonight:

“…this week, Mitt Romney up’d the ante, telling a crowd in Virginia ‘I will not take God off of our coins!’ …taking a bold and unwavering stand against something no one has ever asked anyone to do.― “Other things Romney will not do with currency, no matter how much you threaten or plead include nailing a silver dollar to his forehead and shoving a roll of dimes up his ass. By the way, that’s Pat Robertson standing behind Mitt … because who knows more about using the connection between God and money.― Bill Maher Anonymous on Sep 15 2012, 02:24

Hahahaha! Got to love Bill! Thanks for that Hey Matumbo, I don't know if you've heard but in downtown Sydney today some members of the 'religion of peace' have been truly getting their knickers in a twist. Several arrests, a few riot police in hospital. Apparently that shit film by "Sam Becile" has driven the

Page 182 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

im-beciles nuts. Just as well Jo didn't know wtf he was on about when proclaiming to become another Muhammad... to the moron's credit he probably didn't want to impose some kind of Sharia Law or something (please correct me if I'm wrong... I'm probably wrong, aren't I?). And as for those who want to behead insulters of the (so called) "prophet" I think there's a good case for beheading those who can't make a half decent insulting film against Islam, I mean ffs it can't be that hard! Wankers. I urge the world to FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO BE OFFENDED!! And while we're at it don't shy at ridiculing obvious bullshit at any given opportunity! Right, Gene's C24th beckons - Next Gen here I come. Engage.... Anonymous on Sep 15 2012, 06:10

"Joe's gonna be smokin' an' I ain't even jokin but I'll be peckin' and a pokin' and I'll pour water on that smokin'. Now this might astound and amaze ya but I will destroy Jo Frazier." Muhammad Ali

"Joe's been smokin and I mean tokin that he got so high and made up a lie - He made up a book that dirty little crook, and part of that fraud was that he was a god. That boy smith created such a myth that those who are blind and have weak a mind would give their consent to pay 10 percent. He went really far and got more bizarre and convinced dull-wits to swear to put on magic underwear. " Muhammad Mutumbo ( I am not a poet and really do know it) Anonymous on Sep 17 2012, 00:30

Excellent! I could vividly see you there attempting to bop up and down under the weight of excessive bling, baseball cap reversed, hand gestures going awry – the black superman punch drunk after a heavy night on the town. Hmm, Muhammad, the ‘black superman’ Moron rap star, who would’ve believed it? Have you ever considered busking under the yard-glass downing Moroni on a Sunday morning? Anonymous on Sep 17 2012, 19:50

Two years later after this initial blog, I find myself googling "Fiber One Bars Fart". Why, cuz these awesome chocolate and oat bars that are only 140 calories and could only be good for me, are giving me the type of gas that can only rival the evil gas and diarrhea that I had when I got food poisoning. Oh the whorror of it all. My office is funky, my car is funky and my bedroom is funky... smells like hot garbage. Holding it in is not an option. So as I violate the air around me, I remind my kids of what my Dad always say... better to poot than to hurt your little doot. Doot being an old skool word for ass. My kids dont think its funny at all while I find it freaking hilarious... Ive always have been a sucker for a good fart story or joke. I am 44 years old and the stories in this blog had me laughing so hard and farting at the same time. I have to admit, I was having a rough time with trying to diet as well as the stresses of life in general. But the Fiber One Bar managed to lead me into an evening of laughter and made me fell a lot better. Thanks Fiber One and Thanks to all of you who shared your stories... omg and the recordings were priceless. mad luv Kbeezy Anonymous on Sep 19 2012, 00:26

Hey that is an awesome idea. Moroni pilsner, Joe Myths Dark Lager, Stout Pale Mormon Wife blend, Blonde Virgin Cream... We could package a free set of mormon logo underwear with each keg. My relative, Pliny the Elder would be impressed with our beer marketing skills. Anonymous on Sep 19 2012, 01:03

Look Sir, I know you don't believe in Mormonism but this is extremely offensive to some who do. I only read this because I was looking at stuff for a research project. Let me point out a few errors I noticed first The Book Of Mormon took TWO YEARS to translate NOT THREE MONTHS and he DIDN'T do it from behind a curtain he read if from the plates while *Emma*, his wife scribed it from behind a curtain. That's only a few. So, do a little more research before you go and completly obliterate a religion. Thanks. Anonymous on Sep 19 2012, 13:59

Thank you so much for the info and for the laughs. Hilarious but only too true. I bought a box last night, ate several, and am paying the price today. I checked the nutrition info thinking they might contain sugar alcohol, which has the same effect for me, and found the chicory root extract. When I Googled it, this was the first page I clicked on. You have truely provided a service to those of us afflicted with these side effects. Now what to do with the rest of the box? Anonymous on Sep 20 2012, 17:22

Had me some GoLEAN CRUNCH for breakfast AND lunch... Attach a wind turbine to my butt and I can generate the 1.21 gigawatts necessary to send Marty McFly's ass back to 1985. This cereal keeps a vegan diet very entertaining. Anonymous on Sep 21 2012, 13:25

All religions have one thing in common they all have an evil figure whether it be Satan or shaytan, or lucifer, that means there is always an embodiment of evil and normally that is reserved for people that don't agree with your views. Anonymous on Sep 21 2012, 15:46

Re 297 and "Elder Matumbo": You actually believe that the Mormon Church has apologized for Mountain Meadows? That "apology" is the most disingenuous bit of tripe that has come from any religion since Israel claimed God gave them a country. The principal

Page 183 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

agitator in the entire affair was Brigham Young himself -- an avaricious prick who knew well how wealthy some wagon trains were. Young wanted to ensure the survival of his wild enterprise, and the Fancher train had the sustenance he needed. Make no mistake: Brigham Young, the Great Brigham Young, ordered the massacre. Anything less than an admission of this culpability is a calculated lie. Anonymous on Sep 21 2012, 21:20

Remember me? I will not say that the mormon church has not made mistakes because we have. Guess what, we are human! just like everyone else we make mistakes and all we can do is apologize, repent and try to do better. Jospeh Smith, Brigham Young and all prophets and apostles that have followed them have done the best they can to lead a church that only wants to improve the world and make a difference for the better. We have not always gone about this in the right way but as I said above we are human and make mistakes just like everyone else. "Those without sin cast the first stone." I ask of all of you, are you completely free of sin or wrong doing? I know that I am not. The point is that I try my best to be better each day. Also the Church leaders are NOT paid. Be careful what you read on the internet because there is a lot of anti stuff out there that does not speak the truth about this religion. It took me a long time to decide that Mormonism was best for me. Not for everyone, but for me. How would you feel if someone set up a website devoted to desolating your beliefs? Me honestly? I think it is sad and I wish that you all did not feel so much hatred toward the Latter-day Saint people (LDS), but it does not shake my faith. The most important thing is that I love my Savior and I want to devote my life to him in the best way I know how. I hope that everyone does the same in their own way no matter how that is. Anonymous on Sep 21 2012, 22:41

Nicky Welcome back! I know you are here again because the holy ghost prompted you to come back to seek out the truth. You asked "How would you feel if someone set up a website devoted to desolating your beliefs?" Desolating Make (someone) feel utterly wretched and unhappy. There is a website that is devoted to "desolating" my beliefs and that website is mormon.org. That site fits the definition to a capital "T". Anonymous on Sep 22 2012, 01:19 i am the mom of aubrey and isac 2 15 year olds that killed them selves playing the choking game i think it is a very bad idea the person who put this up is sick in the head and needs help people suffer everyday with the loss of a child due to the choking game i think this to should be taken off the internet i am trill suffering a loss and if the choking game was never created i would still have 2 beautifal children. Anonymous on Sep 22 2012, 08:23

You idiot! You needed to put up more photos in the tutorial. How the hell are the kiddies going to know what kind of saw to use? Anonymous on Sep 23 2012, 04:16 mormons are cool and you all suck. The day of punishment is close. God will kill you all, wicked dirt Anonymous on Sep 23 2012, 20:19

Anonymous, What exactly does Mormon.org said or done to destroy your beliefs? Have you checked out lds.org? Really looked at it? I do know the truth for me. I love my religion and have done a lot of self searching to know if it was true or not. Proud Mormon, Are you alright? please don't talk like that. Love and forgiveness is Christs way and it should be ours as well. Anonymous on Sep 24 2012, 09:05 after eating these bars i have come to the conclusion that farts have 3 different colors ...... the brown fart , it smells like straight poop ...the green fart , it smells like garbage ....the red fart , its HOT!!!!!! SO KNOW YOUR COLORS !! Anonymous on Sep 24 2012, 09:06

Nicky, it may interest you to know that the quote you use, "Let those among you without sin cast the first stone" has been shown to be an inauthentic addition to the Jesus story. Ask any but a Mormon biblical scholar and you'll get the same answer. It is textually different; it does not appear in the earliest copies of the Gospels. In other words, it was putting words in Jesus' mouth -- exactly what every Christian religion does. The truest words you wrote were, "Guess what, we're all human." Yes, we are; and our religions are human inventions designed to suit uniquely human needs in human time. Anonymous on Sep 24 2012, 19:32

These tests are very interesting and effective. I'll try them too. I'm curious about results Anonymous on Sep 25 2012, 02:14

Not just the fiber one bars do this but also the fiber bars clover valley makes that the sell at dollar general. 5 hours later and after stumbling on this site it all becomes quite clear through the stinky hazy fog of gas. Anonymous on Sep 25 2012, 05:40

Page 184 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I dont know if you were joking but people may take this seriously! ... Anonymous on Sep 25 2012, 19:31

Was given a can off Cafe Du Monde from New Orleans as a gift. I really enjoyed a few mugs of that last Saturday. I've been eating Fiber One bars for a few weeks and this last Saturday had 2 during the day before going to see Bourne Identity. Brought some of my sugar free dark chocolate from Trader Joe's with me. Let's just say I had sharp shooting pain. Here's the deal with the Cafe Du Monde, label says it's Coffee with Chicory. I'm not sure I can put into words how bad I felt that night or the next day. Bye Bye Fiber One, Sugar Free anything and Cafe Du Monde. Hello clean air. http://shop.cafedumonde.com/coffee.html Anonymous on Sep 25 2012, 20:02

And I love Corn King too! Very good flavor. Pick the packages carefully and get what you like best. My first pick over the other "name" brands. If you don''t like it, don't buy it! I won't buy Armor. Anonymous on Sep 27 2012, 08:22

Nicky Today at lunch, I was asked about the mormon word of wisdom. This is one thing that has always baffled me, and I could not give an answer. The word of wisdom states that hot drinks are not for the body. Why does that include only coffee and tea? Mormons consume copious amounts of hot chocolate at ward winter events. Why is herbal tea ok when standard tea is not? They are both usually served at the same "hot" temperature. If it is because of the caffeine? If that is the reason, why do mormons consume so much coke, pepsi, mountain dew, root beer... Many of mormons I know consume litres of diet coke and pepsi per day. Mormons love sweets; dry cocoa powder for cooking contains over 200mg of caffeine. There is a law office here that are all mormons and they keep a fridge stocked with red bull, you can't really get more caffeine than that unless you hook up to an IV. This is just one of the many rules that mormons make justifications to break. Bring-em young used to disipline and excommunicate members for breaking this rule, why not now? This word of wisdom phooey can only be explained this way: CULT mond control tactics. The mormon church is a dangerous hypocritic cult that produces such all-stars as "proud mormon" above. If you are not a mormon you are "dirt". Well, I have been on both sides of the fence, and I prefer drinking coffee with the rest of the non-mormon "dirt" Have a coke and a smile. Anonymous on Sep 27 2012, 21:26

Elder Matumbo, The Word of Wisdom can be a bit confusing. Hot drinks does mean tea and coffee, we don't know why but that is what our leaders have told us. It is not because of the caffine. It is a personal choice to drink caffine or not, or even eat chocolate. For example my dad made a personal covenant with God that he did not want to consume any type of caffine and so he is no longer eatting any kind of chocolate. Second, not every LDS member follows the covenants and promises we have made. It is a choice to do as we have been asked and there are those who might look down on those who do, but for the most part we try to love them and support them, if not their lifestyle. Anonymous on Sep 28 2012, 11:57

Wow I really like this site it's been a lot of fun reading... And I've always wondered about the hot beverage thing too... My dad is a mormon and came to visit me for a few days. He got upset that I was making coffee in the morning but drank about two liters of Pepsi every day he was here???? Anonymous on Sep 28 2012, 19:12

Any religion that eschews coffee is bonkers. Simple as that. Anonymous on Sep 28 2012, 21:29

Nicky, I really like that you come here and make the attempt to explain the absurd world of mormonism, but I need to point out that once again you missed the mark and pulled a Palin. "It is a choice to do as we have been asked and there are those who might look down on those who do, but for the most part we try to love them and support them, if not their lifestyle." Blah Blah What a non sequitur. Have you not ever wondered why you do not have answers? How do you just accept what your "leaders" tell you? That is asenine! Why would God just choose a couple of random beverages to ban from members of his church? Why didn't God pick cup a soup, or Postum maybe? If I was God I would certainly ban Postum! have you ever tasted postum? dreadful! I think coffee is more healthy than ice cream. Maybe that fat ass monson should try coffee with his donuts and maybe lose a pound or seventy. Why would God give one rats ass what beverage you consume for breakfast? Idiotic mormon mind control. Anonymous on Sep 29 2012, 02:28

Elder Matumbo, I do not just accept what my leaders have said. I know that I do not have all the answers and neather do my leaders. I know and accept this as a fact of life. If I question something then I go to the scriptures, all of them not just the Book of Mormon but the Bible as well, and come up with my own explanation. I also prey for wisdom and understanding.

Page 185 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

On this issue of the Word of Wisdom the answer I personaly recived was that my eternal soul did not rest on understanding everything before I died. I was free to break this law if I choose, but I would lose many precious blessings if I did break the Word of Wisdom. It is not an unjust punishment, I had covenented when I was eight to keep the Word of Wisdom and if I choose not to follow it then the consiquences are something I must deal with. I accept responsibility for my actions. I am not being mind controled. I think for myself and I ask many of the same questions many of the people on this site ask, the difference is that I do not go to some unknowns source for answers. I go to the Scriptures and to God for the answers. I know many of you will think me stupid for doing this, but it is how my religion works. "Ask and ye shall recive, knock and it shall be opened unto you, amen." The Church cares what I do, say, how I act, what I wear, and who I am because they care about me. I know in the world today this is seen as so controling and restrictive, but I feel free because of the rules that I keep. There are many things I do not have to worry about in my life because I follow the rules and commandments set for me by my church. So what if I don't understand a small part of the Word of Wisdom, I understand the rest and it all keeps me safe, so I will follow all of it knowing that even though I do not know the reason for not drinking coffee God does and he is protecting me. Anonymous on Sep 29 2012, 12:31

Nicky, don't you realize that if your mind is controlled, you will be the last person to know it? Your reasoning frightens me. Islamic fundamentalists -- the Salafist nutjobs -- have the same reasoning as you do. You belong to a faith, you pray for guidance, you believe what a voice in your head tells you, and you interpret scripture for your own needs. The distance from your position to that of a Salafist suicide bomber is the distance from privilege to destitution. Anonymous on Sep 29 2012, 20:33

I'm a Mormon and all I have to say is, you guys are stupid for just believing what other Mormon-haters have told you without doing any research, and I felt offended at first but after realizing how ridiculous 90% of these comments are, I just feel slightly amused. Anonymous on Sep 29 2012, 23:15

Nicky, you are wrong. You DO accept everything your leaders tell you. The leaders tell you and then you go though the motions of "praying and pondering" and the little voice in your head always tells you that the leaders are right. It is conditioning. Think about the times in church when they sustain someone for a position. You know that person is a douchebag, but yet when they ask all those in favor to raise their hand, you do. When they ask for those opposed, NO ONE ever raises their hand. They blindly follow those "leaders" good littile mormons do not ever swim against the stream no matter what that little voice inside whispers to them. Mormons give up the best part of life which is the freedom and RESPONSIBILITY to think and do for yourself. I also call bullshit that you say the word of wisdom is only a small part that you don't understand. There is far more about mormonism that you do not understand than that. I promise you that. By the way, when I knocked, the answer I received was to stay as far away from mormonism as possible. Your response will be that it was Satan answering because God was out for a coffee break. Anonymous on Sep 30 2012, 01:45

Elder Matumbo, I went through a very hard time in my life, where everything I believed was oposite to the LDS way of life. It was the worst couple years of my entire life. I didn't trust anything said by my leaders because I couldn't trust them to tell me the truth, or so I thought. When I finally let go of my fear, hate, and anger was when I came back to Church. The reason I stay is because it makes me happy. I went through a lot of searching to find that this was the right thing for me. I am not brain washed. When I wake up in the morning I will remember what I did the night before, I wont fear that I made a mistake, I wont find out that I am pregnant and have no clue who the father is, or pregnant and not be ready for it, there are so many things that my beliefs protect me from. In the world today the rules I follow seem resticting, but they free me in a way that I cannot explain. I have been in a sacrament meeting when someone did raise their hand to say that the person called should not be in that calling. They don't make a big fuss about it, the Bishop meets with the person who rose their hand and they talk about why. It didn't make a difference that time, but I know of times when it has. I am insulted that I am seen as someone who cannot think or make desisions myself. I am a Psychology major. Everything I do up at school involves me finding truth, thinking past what is told me and discovering the truth, no matter if it is in a textbook or not. I do know how to think and reason for myself, and I do it everysingle day. Just because I have values that I follow does not mean that I don't think for myself and make my own desisions. When I said that there is only a portion of the Word of Wisdom I do not understand, I meant just that. There is only a small portion of the WORD OF WISDOM I do not yet understand, in the entire Church there are many things that I am still trying to figure out and no I do not agree with a few things said by the First Presidency. That is why I search for myself. I am so sorry that you have found you need to stay away from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I will not condem you or damn you for coming to this relization. It is your choice and although I find it sad I will not belittle your beliefs. I hope someday that your mind is changed, but if it is not then I understand and wish you the best in this life and the next. As long as you are happy then that is all that matters. Anonymous on Sep 30 2012, 15:08

Nicky, You must remember that you have come here to a site entitled "Mormons are completely Fucking Retarded" so you cant' come here and complain that you have been insulted. Of course you should be insulted. From what I gather, that is the intention of this site and those who participate here. I never come to your mormon website and espoused my beliefs. You are free to believe what ever you want, but when you come here, expect to be challenged. You said "When I wake up in the morning I will remember what I did the night before, I wont fear that I made a mistake, I wont find out that I am pregnant and have no clue who the father is, or pregnant and not be ready for it, there are so many things that my beliefs protect me from" Oh-my-God, this is a typical arrogant mormon highground statement. If your not a mormon, you must be a drunk. Now that's insulting to pretty much everyone. I get so sick of you mormons and your moral highground. You mormons think everyone that takes a drink is a drunk, and there is no morality outside of the mormon compound walls. This is why mormons are despised. (one reason anyway)

Page 186 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Next, check your statistics please. Mormon teen pregnancy rates are equal to almost every other religion, except in Utah, where mormon teen pregnancy is almost 3 times the national average as of 2007. So much for the "rules" protecting them. Pray all you want about it, these remain the facts despite what your leaders say. I guess you will have to remain insulted because it is clear from every one of your responses that you do not think for yourself. You said as much. You said you like all the rules and all the decisions the church makes for you. It makes life so simple. Just float along in your mormon daze not having to think and make any choices for yourself. I am sorry that mormons are to weak/lazy minded to want to breakout of this mormon bubble. Lastly, I am pretty sure you don't even realize what a self righteous statment you made when you say that you will not condemn or damn me for my beliefs. Oh thank you Lord Nicky the Christ, thank you for not condemning me and damning me to hell. I bow and kneel before you and your judgemental mormon authority. Anonymous on Sep 30 2012, 23:54

I was not saying that everyone is a drunk, that is not what I was refering too. I was mearly saying what my religion pertects me from. I was insulted, but it's not a big deal to me, because I know that the purpose of the sight is exactly that. I know that teen Mormon pregnancy is up, guess what my sister was one of those teens. I will say it again, we are not perfect. We make mistakes and children who are raised Mormon don't always agree with their parents. Lastly I did not mean that as self righteous. I am not judgemental of you, in fact I find your beliefs rather fasinating and this is a great place to look up new mormon conspericies. Anonymous on Oct 1 2012, 09:04

Personally, I just want to be where coffee drinkers go. Please pray for me to go to hell, please Nicky? I'm not Mormon, so I won't get my own planet, darn it all anyway. Might as well burn eternally. Anonymous on Oct 1 2012, 18:24

Love the product, will not buy another product. Anonymous on Oct 1 2012, 21:47

"in fact I find your beliefs rather fasinating" Nicky, you stole that line from Seinfeld. Festivus Rules!

We all know mormons are not perfect, but down deep, they really think they are. This is exactly the reason why anal bleaching has never really become popular in utah. Anonymous on Oct 1 2012, 22:24

All you guys who love to hate. HAVE FUN IN HELL!!!!!! Satan has caught a grip on you and just like the untouchables in hinduism that's what you will be in the spirit world and after judgment. good riddance. i really dont care about being nice to you since you have clearly not earned it. enjoy your sinful life while you can. because after that you will regret it. Anonymous on Oct 2 2012, 20:11

I am really sad for all the critics because after all, you the only thing you are good at is to criticize others. In doing so you are demonstrating that you really need help because you are so pathetically lost in your life. It is obvious that you are not happy in your life. I just hope that you will not be in a situation where you 're gonna loose everything and that the only people who will come to help you are mormons, or catholic or any of those you are criticizing. Have a great day and try to reconciliate you with yourself. Anonymous on Oct 3 2012, 03:00

I love that Bible verse! "Exodus 14:12 HAVE FUN IN HELL", wow, great research. The most recent and reliable research suggests there was a Jesus and that he married a WHORE!!! That's right, Jesus married a prostitute and you judge me? If your make believe BS is real, then what right do you have to judge anyone? Unchristlike "Christians" like the people in the previous post prove a great point. If there is a hell we will certainly see you there. Anonymous on Oct 3 2012, 03:12

Wow, this thread has been going for a long time! And amazingly, they are still making Kashi Go-Lean, even with new flavors! I love it, even though I know what it is going to do to me. I was telling a doctor I work with about my experience with it, and she said her kids hid the Kashi box from her husband. LoL! Anonymous on Oct 3 2012, 21:52

Oh man I thought I was the only one! I recently got over a bout of gastritis, so I originally didn't think Fiber One would be the root cause of my gas. Its not even just farts! For the first couple hours after eating one, I'm belching nonstop, then a few more hours into it I'm farting and belching constantly! My poor boyfriend asked if I was going to explode, simply because I couldn't even finish a sentence I was burping and farting so much! What's worse is trying to sleep at night because the gas doesn't move! It just sits there are causes sharp jabbing pains all over my abdomen! I just ate another bar before I read this article.... wish me luck. P.S. I doubt its the fiber, I eat tons of oatmeal and whole wheat etc all day, I'm actually curious if its the chocolate or chicory root extract. Anonymous on Oct 5 2012, 11:48

Page 187 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I feel like this entire page is written and mostly commented on by really uneducated people, because no one I would deem educated would speak like this regarding religion. Religion is based completely on personal belief and I'm really offended that most of you who, really know nothing, are bashing my religion. Thank You all for ruining my day. If you actually want to learn something about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints maybe you should talk to some people who actually know what they are talking about. People never cease to disappoint me. Anonymous on Oct 6 2012, 15:18

Emmet, I will pray for you to be happy and go where you want to go. I don't think you deserve hell. Elder Matumbo, I have never seen Seinfeld so I have no idea what you are talking about... Ashley, take it easy there will always be those who attack our beliefs.If you come back here then take my suggetsion and read the book of Enos, I found a lot of comfort there when I first foun this site. Anonymous on Oct 6 2012, 22:03

Ashley, I agree there are some dumb posts here, but there are many smart ones as well. If you read carefully, you will find that the mormon apologists provide the most benighted entries on the site. Mormons typically respond "you need to do some research". Research has been done and If you look back through the posts, you will see that mormons have been provided with numerous facts, but these facts are ignored and countered with feelings, promptings, burning bosoms, and blind faith. There is a small place in life for faith, but when facts exists, fact trumps faith. mormonism defies fact and logic. You say that if we want to learn something, talk to a member of the mormon church. Ok then, go for it. Teach us something that you know. I will give you a starting point. I was just reading an article that the mormon church earns more than 7 billion dollars per year from tithes and offerings. The "church" or "corporation of the president" in turn reinvests this income into FOR PROFIT business such as malls, office complexes, ranches, farms, real estate, construction companies, manufacturing etc. etc. Most of the returns on these investments are not distributed to the poor and needy (just enought to keep the religious tax free status) but are hoarded by the for-profit prophet and his corporation. Please enlighten us with some of your mormon insider insight on why such a god serving, non profit organization is such a enormous profit dragon? Anonymous on Oct 6 2012, 23:48

Thank you, Elder Matumbo... I was at a place where I was not able to hold my tongue (JOB 6:24), and then your post showed up. I am so appalled that Mormons try to disprove your point by pointing to their scripture. If their scripture was based in any other single other element but blind faith, it would not be admissible as evidence. In a court of law, they would have already been found incompetent to stand trial. If I took a shit in the woods, buried it, and then pointed back to the un-locatable shit as evidence, I would be laughed out of the courtroom. For some reason they wish to remain simple and do not wish to investigate further explanations for their faith... I am sad for THEM. (1 Cor. 14:37) I point out these verses not to entice, but to prove the point that anyone can prove their position by a completely ridiculous and unscientific text. Anonymous on Oct 7 2012, 00:31

TK, I am at a complete loss as to how these people can abandon common sense and disconnect from logic. I am reminded of a quotataion that I have posted here before. It is from the current King of Koolaid. "I wasn't with Joseph, but I believe him. My faith did not come to me through science, and I will not permit so-called science to destroy it." Thomas S. Monson (moron prophet) Anonymous on Oct 7 2012, 03:53

Elder Matumbo, Where did you find that information about tiths and offerings? I am genuinely curious to know about that. I can assure you that the Church does not use tiths or offerings for anything non church related. They are used to help the poor and also to build churchs and Temples. Have you watched the latest show about Mormonism, done by a news station? It shows a Bishop Store house filled with wheel chairs, food and other nessesities availiable to everyone, not just members of the church. In Leviticus 27:30 it reads "And the tithe of the land, whether of the seed of the land or of the fruit of the tree, is the Lords:It is holy unto the Lord." We do not just use the Book of Mormon, we use the Bible too. Personally my favorite book of scripture is St.John. TK, I really love the scripture Job 6:24. Job was a humble man and was a perfect example of who we should try to be when we are struggling with trials of faith. He never wavers in that faith even when his entire family dies and he loses absolutely everything. Still he cleaves unto God. Elder Matumbo said above that fact trumps faith. I find this statement very sad because even facts change and become false or simply change slightly. Fact is not really fact in many ways, so why does it trump faith? Faith is an essental part of any religion, not just Mormonism. TK, you mentioned above that faith would never hold up in court and that our 'blind faith' would never hold up to any kind of scruteny. I find this a very odd comment because the Bible that you have quoted would be absolutely rediculous without faith. A child born of a virgin, an atonement given to men through a saviors sacrifice, pillers of fire and the parting of the Red Sea. All of this without faith combine to make a wonderful fiction novel. 1 Corinthians 15:14 reads "And if Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and your faith is vain." Faith must exist in any religion someone studys, because if we do not look through anothers eyes to their religion it will seem stupid and backwards. Everyone has faith in something no matter if that is science, Christianity, Budism, or any other belief. Without that faith then we cannot believe anything. The world would call this feeling trust. Anonymous on Oct 7 2012, 12:18

Nicky, while I go find a concrete wall to bang my head against, could you please re-read TKs last post again? Because you COMPLETELY missed his point!! Read his last sentence over and over and over till you get it!

Page 188 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Did you hear recently about the idiot that jumped the fence at the Zoo to pet a lion? He had faith that the lion would not hurt him. The lion attacked and ripped out his throat. He is dead. The fact is, lions kill people. This fact may contradict the bible, but it is a fact.

Here is the link to the mormon money trail, although I expect you won't believe it. I don' think anything can penetrate that bubble you live in: http://openchannel.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08/13/13262285-mormon-church-earns-7-billion-a-year-from-tithing-analysis-indicates? lite Paste in your browser. Anonymous on Oct 7 2012, 17:16

Here's one from Bloomberg Financial... This spells it out. WITH FACTS AND ACTUAL INFORMATION THAT WASN'T TRANSLATED BEHIND A CURTAIN WITH MAGIC GOLDEN PLATES. http://buswk.co/Mfcsbq Anonymous on Oct 8 2012, 00:45

Elder Matumbo, you are right I don't understand that comment, I am not sure what he was trying to say. Second, I read the article you put up in your post for me, thank you it was very inlightening. I do believe what it says to a point, Tithing is mostly spent to keep Temples running and give humanitarian aid. I don't know why some members have a hard time with how the church spends the Tiths and offerings because we are almost always the first group to help when there is a natural disaster of some sort, but that is their opinion so they can believe it all they want, I really don't care. I could not find anything on a mega mall on the church cites but that does not mean that it is not happening. I don't know why the church feels the need to put a mall up, but it does not bother me very much, maybe it does a little but I gave my tiths too them meaning that it is no longer my money and they can spend it how best they see fit. These are good men and I know they will do what is needed for our people around the world. Now for the bit about the Lion. Faith can only go so far, when someone is stupid enough to think that God will save him from a lion like Danial in the lions den then faith is not enough to save him. We still have to use common sense and the Spirit will try to keep us out of danger but will not always work in the way we expect. He is God and He does not think in the same way we do. Anonymous on Oct 8 2012, 09:31

Mormons are "retarded"? How? We believe in what we believe. We don't go out and try to ruin any other religion. Why do you do it to us? We believe that there is a God and that there is a Jesus Christ. We are christian. We do believe that a man named Joseph Smith revived the church from the golden plates. I can see how crazy it sounds and how people can make fun of it. But it's our belief. You aren't going to change anyone's mind about their religion if they believe it. We believe that when we die, we are judged. And if we die and get to heaven and get told that our religion is a scam, so be it. We have people dedicated precious time to serve the church. We have bishops that do not get paid anything for always being there for the members of that ward. Why do you have such a big problem with us, that you feel like you need to disprove us? If it is a false religion, it's still a fantastic way to live. We have rules that we follow... No drugs, alcohol, pre-marital sex, we go to church every week, we have modern day prophets that reveal revelation to us. We don't need you to believe it. We do. Why everyone needs to jump down our throats about it, is honestly pathetic. It's pathetic that we still have people like this that can't focus on their own religion, they have to TRY and disprove ours. Good luck. We believe what we believe and you can't change anything about that. At least it comforts us, isn't that what everyone wants? Peace and comfort? Well, we get that through our religion. So just take it easy. What you are all doing is just negative to you. It can get to a member, but once they go to church, everything that is said in these stupid longs feeds is just washed away and we don't care. We're happy. Anonymous on Oct 8 2012, 14:57

Nicky, Several years ago while a mormon, I was reading a web-site such as this one. I could not believe what some people said about my church. However, the seed was planted and I asked myself if I really believed this fantasy, It turns out I didn't. I contribute to these sites in hope that I can pay it forward. We have provided you with the seed, now go nurture it. If I can save but one soul from mormonism, how great shall be my reward. Anonymous on Oct 8 2012, 19:57

Elder Matumbo, Thank you for your gift of a seed, but I am afraid that it will not be enough to make me turn from my religion. You might see faith as something foolish, but it is what keeps me going. Without faith I would be dead right now, I would have killed myself because of the few horrible things that happened to me in life, but through Christ I have been made whole and I can move forward with my life even if it is still hard. I know that Mormonism is not for everyone, I did not come here to try and convert you all. I came here to better understand the arguments against my beliefs. Some have been more enlightening than others. Anonymous on Oct 9 2012, 00:41

Mormons get judged a lot because people just don't understand their beliefs and they won't except the fact that not every one believes in the same thing. But no matter how much Mormons are getting bashed you don't see them going around and bashing other religions. At least Mormons except the fact that not every one believes what they do. They are nice people, and if you would just take the time to get to know them for who they really are you wouldn't think this way about them. Anonymous on Oct 9 2012, 09:47

Bitter much? Only someone with guilty conscience could be so negatively opinionated about any religion, let alone one that spends all its time serving others and doing good. Anonymous on Oct 9 2012, 10:53

Mormonism didnt really start from a pure place like Judaism or early Christians. Catholics have the whole worship Mary thing...and all the DOGMA!!!! and Popes and power and the inquisition. Joseph Smith was killed while running away....He was no William Wallace eh??? (braveheart)Wallace died for his belief in freedom. Rastafarians are a little funky too, but hey their Jesus was an Ethiopean King??? I guess ganja can get you closer to God. The music

Page 189 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

is good and Bob Marley was a great messenger. Islam on the other hand has 103 versus in the Koran on violence for all who dont believe in Alah. That religion will not stop until all are converted. Isreal needs to wake up and smell the Uranium now!!!! just my two cents. I do believe in a powerful energy that we cant really comprehend or explain. Religion truly tries to accomplish this, but not doing such a good job. Anonymous on Oct 11 2012, 00:41 theman, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the same church Christ set up among the jews. We have a prophet and apostles with athority and power from God to lead the people of today.Joseph Smith was not killed running away. He knew that he was going to die in jail when he went, but he and his brother Hyrum along with a few other leaders went willingly like a lamb to the slaughter. It was not the government who decided his fate, he died by a shot by a mob that threw him out a window. His last words were "My Lord, My God." Our religion did start in a very pure place first in Jerusalem then in Palmyra New York with a young Joseph Smith who just wanted to know the truth. He died a marter for his beliefs and for the Church he had helped to lead. Anonymous on Oct 11 2012, 09:15

Reality Check. Here are a couple of facts of the actual events: 1) While in Jail, Joseph and Hyrum sent for wine. The book "history of the church" indicates that the wine was not for sacrament, but to lift their spirits... literally. (remember this was after he made up the word of wisdom. (The do as I say not as I do rule book) 2) Joseph did not go quietly like the "lamb". Brother Weelock had given him a pistol which he had in his pocket. When the mob broke in, Joseph managed to get off three shots killing at least two as he ran to the window. He was shot in the back as he tried to escape from jail. Saying he was like a lamb to the slaughter is a complete distortion of reality and a LIE. 3)THe story that he called out my lord my god is another fabrication, although what else would you say when you get shot other than "Goddamn it", or holy "fuck they got me". "oh my god" or "good lord" is not unbelievable. Adolf Hitler only wishes that he was a mormon because in 50 more years, these mormon spindoctors would have him remembered as persecuted snow white lamb. Anonymous on Oct 12 2012, 00:50

Elder Matumbo, Who wrote this book? What are his/her credentials and how do you know you can trust them? I went Carthage jail and felt such an amazing spirit there. It was heart breaking but soothing to be where he was killed and think about what had happened that day. I think i heard something about wine but I don't remember and hoestly it does not bother me. Where did you read that Brother Weelock gave him a pistol? I have never heard that before in my life. Why is it so hard to believe that Joseph called out 'My Lord my God?' If you have not heard the music from "My Servent Joseph I would sugest you listen to it, it tells of Josephs life and death better than I can. Anonymous on Oct 12 2012, 20:34

History of the church is book by LDS historians. It is a mormon book!! Your statements contridict your own chruch history. MY GOD, are you really telling us you get your information from songs?? Explains a-lot! Perhaps you should take your fellow mormons advice and DO SOME RESEARCH on your own church! READ A GODDAM BOOK and will learn much more than songs, goosebumps, and spirits can ever teach you! Jesus Christ Nicky I don't want to get personal, but come on, use some of that grey matter that god gave you to think for yourself. This 7-book series (aka "Documentary History of the Church") is the official history (written between 1839 and 1856) of the early Latter Day Saint movement during the lifetime of founder Joseph Smith, Jr. It is largely composed of Smith's writings and interpolations and editorial comments by Smith's secretaries, scribes---and, after Smith's death, by LDS Church historians Anonymous on Oct 12 2012, 23:09

Elder Matumbo, I do my own research thank you very much, music just speaks to me in a special way and it was written by a faithful church member who had a great understanding of church history, if I remember correctly he was a church historian himself. I really don't care if you listen to it or not. I do read church books and I do research on my religion, but I have not read "History of the Church." You say that it is written by church historians, which church historians? I would like names so that when I look it up I find the right one because I know for a fact there is more than one. I did not contridict what you said about the wine or gun, only that I had never heard it before. As for the saying for all I know that could be wrong as well, I have not seen a church leader speak of that line and would like to know where you got your information. I need more than a book title and written by 'church historians.' I understand that you think that I am dumb for just 'following the spirit', but I do my own research because I love my religion and did go through a hard time when I was not sure that it was true. My testimony will stay the same no matter what mistakes the early men of the church made. They are still men, still make mistakes. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that he did translate the Book of Mormon that is another testiment of Jesus Christ. I may not understand why my leaders do what they do or why early leaders made mistakes, but I do know that they were good men and tried their best to be all that they could be. I have read the entire Doctrine and Covenants, I will be the first to say I don't understand a good portion of it, but it tells the history of the church in a beautiful way, not everything mind you, but a good portion of it. I have also read books about church history from prophets and apostles that have moved me and also raised new questions to bring to the Lord in prayer. Anonymous on Oct 12 2012, 23:25

I feel I am getting dumber with each coversation we have. I would suggest if you want to find out about your church books and authors you try google. I am not available to read and translate your church books to you. About the wine, I could care less ether that Joseph smit was a drunk, I was just pointing out the hypocrisy of the man who made up the mormon fantasy and creator of all the mornon rules, but did not follow these rules himself. If you want to follow this despicable, lying, hypocrite pig, go for it, you live in a free country... for now.

Page 190 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Mitch Romney is an elite mormon whore who will promise anything to get elected, but will take his orders from the mormon "leaders". Anonymous on Oct 13 2012, 19:27

Elder Matumbo, What exactly makes Jospeh Smith a lier and a hypocrite? He was a man and made mistakes as much as any of us. I will not try Google for research on my own religion because I know about the anti mormon sites and how easy it is to find misinformation about Mormons. I do not need you to retranslate my own scripture for me because I already know how to read it for myself I only wanted to know the name of the 'church historian' or historians who wrote this book, it should not be hard to find in the book if it is not on the cover. I don't know what happened to you to create such a powerful hate for my religion, and I hope that some day that will ease. All I can say is that I am sorry that you were hurt somehow by the church. I am not stupid despite your beliefs of me, I just think differently form the way you do. Anonymous on Oct 13 2012, 23:43

If joseph smith was just an ordinary "man" then yes he can make mistakes. However according to the mormon book of hocus pocus, joseph smith allegedly took orders and instructions directly from God, and therefore should not be open to mistakes. Mormons have placed joseph up on the pedestal of infallibility right next to Jesus Christ and God. Bring-em Young even says that Joseph Smith will be there on judgement day judging us along with God. I wonder if Paula and Randy will be there too. Hope not I can't sing worth shit. I digress. I can tell you one thing for sure that if God appeared to me personally and told me not to drink coffee and wine, you can bet your rice crispy square eating ass that I wouldn’t take one sip. That would be pretty much a deal maker for me. Joseph smith on the other hand orders up a few bottles of wine to help ease his nerves while knowing that he may likely be face to face with God in the next few hours. If he was telling the truth why would he take the chance of having to explain why he contradicted a direct order and risk Gods wrath. This one small incident is more than enough to call him a hypocrite and question the veracity of his story. The simple answer is that it is BS. Mormons like you think that if you leave the church it is because of being offended or hurt. That bullshit is just to make them feel better about having to stay in the church. I left because Joseph smit is a false prophet and a fraud and therefore the entire church he made up is NOT BE TRUE. I witness to you that the mormon church is NOT true. You say you will not use google because of the fear of misinformation on mormonism. I have one question. How in the fucking hell did you get to this site then?? If you don’t want to use google to look for a book series published by deseret books, then go ask for the series at your ward library. Further, I’m not sure I would say that I think you are stupid. Just obtuse, but obtuse is a characteristic of mormonism. To be a mormon you must check reality at the door. On second thought, stupid may work. All I can say now is that I am done responding to any more of your batshittiness until you “go do some research―. Come back with something that is not just a feeling, a prompting, a still small voice, or a spiritual experience. Bring something real. Anonymous on Oct 14 2012, 22:33

I am just crying laughing at all the posts. LOLed for 10 mins straight when I found this at lunchtime and came back tonight to read and laugh more. Like others, I thought there was something wrong with me, but only suffered for a few weeks before I figured it out. I am already lactose intolerant and agree this cereal is even worse than that - this goes on all day! My son said it smells worse than a port-a-potty and I couldn't really deny it. Found an article that says chickory root causes fermentation - yeah, that about describes it!!! Anonymous on Oct 16 2012, 01:32

Beauty is only skin deep, ugly is to the bone on Candy - Will someone get her off the air, would only require a cheesecake and one of those roadrunner-like traps. Anonymous on Oct 16 2012, 06:36

I have been eating Fiber One bars for breakfast for about a week now. I didn't relate the horrid gas and diarrhea that I was experiencing with the Fiber One bars until this morning, thinking that I may have had a stomach bug or have eaten something spoiled. The massive explosion of gas and shit that I experience within 2 hours of eating one of these morsels of satan is of epic proportions. I truly know what the Space Shuttle must feel like when lifting off, and am beginning to with that there was a seatbealt on my toilet. I have 2 more of the bars left and want to throw them in the trash, but am scared a hobo might dig through the dumpter searching for dinner and get ahold of one of these colon bombs. Anonymous on Oct 16 2012, 13:51

I came back to confess that I fell off the Kashi Go Lean wagon. Thought I had this licked because I have been gas free for a few months now. Saw a new flavor on sale at the Basket and thought I would give it a go. It's been 3 days and the first 2 were gleefully flatulent free. But today is a totally different story. The familiar bloating and room awakening rumblings are back full force. I am now a prisoner of my house until these servings make their way thru my digestive track. I feel as if I have another life force inside me.. I hope this passes soon (no pun intended) as I have a full day tomorrow away from my throne. Sigh, I will have to push this new box of deliciousness to the back of the pantry for another day. Anonymous on Oct 18 2012, 12:56

Ok whoever you are you are messed the hell up. Bulimia is an illness that has ruined peoples lives, and your telling people to do it? Your a horrible person. That 115lb 5'6 girl is UNDERWEIGHT according to her bmi, and your calling her a whale??? You are sick, you asshole. Anonymous on Oct 18 2012, 14:09

The amount of energy invested in this page only adds to the sad and pathetic life waste that is all religion.

Page 191 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

If dumb yanks elect that Mormon twat I would feel delighted if it ignited a giant war with another dumb bunch of total idiots and the lot of you cancled each other out. Do your selves a favour religious idiots and take a self inflicted shortcut to your maker? Fucktards? Anonymous on Oct 18 2012, 19:51

I had class mate/sort of kind of friend who's Mormon. The day she told me that they believe that "Now on this Earth," is paradise. I knew something didn't sound right. I replied well, if now is Paradise then I wonder what hell is like cuz sometimes here & now on this Earth is like living in hell! Lol, I knew something was wrong when she never answered my calls after that! Me, I try Not to be pulled into any religion or religious groups. One factor I follow is all of these religious stuff was/is written by the hand of men & therefore flawed. What I believe in is myself & I give credit to those that actually did something to get that credit! Thank God/Goddess/deity is not written in my vocabulary! Anonymous on Oct 18 2012, 23:03

Elder Matumbo, A feeling or prompting is very real, what do you think your consious is and intuision? I have told you I do my research and the way I found this site? One of my coworkers told me about it and I wanted to see what it was all about. I did not say that everyone leaves the church because they are hurt, some do leave because they lose their testimony and if that is what they want to do more power to them. We as a church want people to be happy. I do not doubt that you have found some very good information, but it is mixed with bad. Joseph Smith did not comunicate with God directly, he prayed to him in Christs name just like every other christian does to recive personal revelation. He was a fallable man, he lost the first pages of the book of mormon because he was swayed by man and did not listen to God's warning the first three times he asked the Lord if the manuscript could be taken and shown to others. Because of this mistake we do not have Lehi's book and it is also why 1 Nephi spends a bit of time going over what Lehi had already said. John, I am not going to vote for Romney just because he is mormon, I am not even sure if I will vote for him. Tracia, I think your friend learned some false doctrine, paradise is not on the world right now, that will not happen until the millenium after the apocolyps. I agree that the Bible and Book of Mormon was written by man and is flawed to a point, but it is also guided by the hand of God and has much truth to it. Anonymous on Oct 19 2012, 10:43

Smith said that the Lord told him his sins were forgiven, that he should obey the commandments, that the world was corrupt, and that the Second Coming was approaching Smith asked them "O Lord, what church shall I join― In answer, “I was told that "all religious denominations were believing in incorrect doctrines, and that none of them was acknowledged of God as his church and kingdom." All churches and their professors were "corrupt",and "all their creeds were an abomination in his sight." Smith was told not to join any of the churches, but that the "fullness of the gospel" would be known to him at a later time. Anonymous on Oct 20 2012, 03:16

You're complaining about Applebees? You're like those fucking retards who go to McDonalds and spend ten minutes ordering special requests on Big Macs. Anonymous on Oct 20 2012, 12:44

Quote from Nicky post 367: "Joseph Smith did not comunicate with God directly, he prayed to him in Christs name just like every other christian does to recive personal revelation." Here is an excerpt taken from the story of joseph smiths first vision. These are JOSEPH SMITHS words taken direclty from the official LDS website: "My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong)--and which I should join." It continues to be apparant that like most mormons, Nicky does not have the slightest clue with regard to the basic tenants of her religion. Anonymous on Oct 20 2012, 20:38

Hi, I am 11 yrs old, and I hav digestive problems. I can have times wen I'm farting wen I haven't eaten anything to hav an allergic reaction to, wen I ate that bar on the news I saw that there was a huge earthquake in chile and that global warming had advanced significantly, so, don't do it!!! LOL Anonymous on Oct 20 2012, 21:19

I thought it was all fun and games. I read this and laughed until tears were pouring down my face. My boyfriend bought a box of the peanut butter chip bars, and we thought we'd have a good laugh. We each ate a bar and waited for the hilarity to ensue. NOTHING happened to him. To me, however, I nearly died. I got horrible pains in my body that I've never felt. Much to my disappointment, I got NO funny gas. What I did get was 7 hours of the fastest moving and most painful diarrhea I've ever had in my life. I had blood coming out of my body by the time it was done. I had to send my boyfriend to the drugstore at 1am to get immodium, because I was sure I'd die in the night if I went to bed. I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER eat these EVER again. When I read through these stories and read that some people ate a FEW bars, or God forbid, and entire BOX at once, I shudder. PEOPLE ARE INSANE. If you have never eaten them, please Lord, don't do it. TRUST ME. This was four days ago and my body is still not right. I think my a-hole fell off. Anonymous on Oct 21 2012, 02:49

Elder Matumbo,

Page 192 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Yes he spoke directly with God once, that was a poorly stated comment and for that I am sorry I should have made that more clear. I do know and understand my church Elder Matumbo. I might not be a scriptiorian like I wish that I was, but I do know my religion, I know that Christ is my savior, I know that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God, I know that the Bible and Book of Mormon are true Testiments of Christ, I believe in the plan of salvation that makes it possible for families to live together forever and I know that at the last day if my works are sufficiant enough I will be saved in the Kingdom of God, the same with all of those who have done their best to follow God's commandments. Anonymous on Oct 21 2012, 10:48

At least this post gives some kind of relieve in the middle of this gasplosion party over here! So f'n funny!!!! Of course now I am keeling over in laughter now, too!!!! Anonymous on Oct 21 2012, 16:26

Pretty key statement to get wrong ya think? Mormons teach flip-flopping in sunday school. Mitt Romney wrote the manual for them. BTW Your tesitmony means nothing outside of the bubble. I "know" that mormons are completely fucking retarded, and you are doing an awesome job proving it for us. Anonymous on Oct 21 2012, 17:31

You guys have a guy running for the highest office in the world and he's a fucken mormon. MY GOD Anonymous on Oct 22 2012, 05:18

Really? You people have nothing better to do then hate on other people and their beliefs? Grow up and do something worth while. Anonymous on Oct 22 2012, 22:06 how else google searched poop Anonymous on Oct 22 2012, 23:25 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6udew9axmdM If you don't think mormons are fucking retarded now, watch this video. This is a hidden camera video. Anonymous on Oct 23 2012, 00:05

Normally I eat cereal in the mornings, but I always eat these bars when I have early meetings at the office and am in a hurry. I then wonder why whenever I'm in a room full of people that I have to fart like it's nobody's business. When I finally leave for the day, I get in the car and rip hot garbage farts all the way home. This week I had jury duty and was eating these as a quick breakfast, and again, sitting in a quiet courtroom is not where you suddenly want to have explosive gas. I finally put poo and poo together and figured out that this is the problem. They are delicious, but...no more for me! Anonymous on Oct 23 2012, 16:54

@ “Really― I’m extremely familiar with the psychological reasoning which puts forth such an unfounded statement as yours and therefore tend to believe you are indeed being sincere i.e. in this case defending the right of people to believe in and hold sacred what they wish without criticism, ridicule or scorn. If this is the case then I think you’ll find that most people on this forum who’ve spoken out negatively against Mormonism (as well as theism and other supernatural beliefs) would actually half agree with you. The crux being (and to paraphrase Tim Minchin) “history has taught us [this] - that if too many people hold a thing or a person or an institution sacred then they are by definition beyond criticism. And unfortunately, it seems [that] when humans get beyond criticism, they seem to slip inexorably towards corruption.― One other major point that needs to be made here and I ask you directly – Do you really think/believe that the promulgation of institutionalised bullshit to children is humane? Do you really believe that religion should continue without any fear of reproach or accountability into the C21st? And do you really believe that what is factually ridiculous should never be ridiculed? Anonymous on Oct 24 2012, 08:24

Robbie you sesquipedalian stylist! I fear that you are firing far above the average mormon intellect though. Mormons will have lost you at "psychological reasoning". Anonymous on Oct 25 2012, 00:30

So I've been eating Kashi for about 3 days now and it wasn't until today that I was OVERLY aware of the issues that eating Kashi can cause. Today was also the only day this week that instead of serving in a loud bar, I was in an office with three other ladies. You can imagine, after eating a bowl of Kashi this morning, how uncomfortable my entire work day was. Do you know how hard it is to casually go to the bathroom multiple times in 1 hour without people noticing? (especially when you work in a very small office) It was TERRIBLE. I tried doing the lady like thing and held it in whenever I was not in the bathroom, but a few snuck by and I'm pretty sure my co-workers heard (very quite office). Which is just swell. I'm just glad they didn't seem me doubling over in pain during the last hour when I felt my bathroom quota for the day had been well exceeded. I wanted to eat healthy but I feel like I'm safer with Captn Crunch. Anonymous on Oct 25 2012, 18:39

Page 193 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

On Tuesday afternoon, having eaten nothing all day and in a hurry to get ready for my son's school concert, I woofed down 3 packages of Kashi Vanilla Hot Cereal. I'd never eaten it before, but assumed it was like Quaker Oatmeal or Malt-O-Meal. It was delicious and I was full. Fast forward 2 hours, and I am sitting at my son's concert feeling like there is a knot in my belly. I'm starting to feel light headed, and I'm sweating despite everyone around me bundled up in sweaters and hoodies. Halfway through the show, I feel like I'm going to pass out or throw up, or crap my pants, or all of the above. I tell my husband I'm sick and will wait for him in the car. I missed the finale, and feel even worse. About 20 minutes later my husband and son get to the car and we drive home, all the while, I'm trying to decide where we can stop along the way so I can puke. A gas station? The woods? A stretch of highway? Out the passenger side window going 65 mph? Somehow, we made it home without me vomiting and I went straight to bed. My husband brought me a bucket, and I could feel the burn in my throat, but for some reason I just couldn't throw up. That was Tuesday night at 8 pm. Today is Friday, 9 am, and I almost feel human again. I lost 2 1/2 days of my life lying in bed crying from the immense pain, crying until I exhausted myself and literally passed out. I would wake long enought to sit in the bathroom, have some explosive bowel movements, and go straight back to bed. I couldn't stop sweating, and every bone in my body ached. Even sips of water hit my stomach and the pain was so intense I thought I was going to die. Today when I woke up, I had a few sips of coffee and some crackers, and the pain is only minor. I thought I had a bleeding ulcer, or the stomach flu, or God-knows-what but I was too sick to even care about getting to a doctor. Then this morning, I remembered eating that new cereal and googled it and found this site. The stories are hilarious, and had I eaten only 1 serving, I might have had a funny story too. I ate 3 packets like a hungry bear, and I paid for it dearly. I am a 40 year old woman who had suffered with gallstones and gone through natural childbirth, so i am not a sissy when it comes to pain. Be careful. This stuff is dangerous. Anonymous on Oct 26 2012, 09:11

LEARN MORE ABOUT IN WHICH YOU SPEAK BEFORE SPEWING SUCH BULLSHIT ON A CRAPPY ASS FORUM. ALL RELIGIONS HAVE HERE FAULTS. BUT BEFORE JUDGING ANY OF THEM LEARN IN FULL DETAIL WITH AN OPENED MIND ABOUT WHAT THEY BELIEVE; INSTEAD OF TALKING NONSENSE TO A BUNCH OF CLOSE MINED FOOLS SUCH AS YOURSELVES. IF YOU THINK IM PASSING JUDGMENT OF YOU TO SOON THEN GOOD, IT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE DOING OTHERS. BUT HEY, NOT LIKE ANY OF YOU DUMB SHITS WOULD KNOW BUT THAT'S ONE THING ALMOST EVERY RELIGION TEACHES YOU...... FREE WILL; SO GO AHEAD AND BE RETARDED YOURSELF AND MAKE EVERYONE KNOW YOU ARE WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR FAT TRAP. Anonymous on Oct 27 2012, 02:11

This guy sounds like a complete scumbag dirtball... I will tell everyone I know. This guy is Bob Barrett's campaign manager too! Even if you are a Republican, dont vote for this scumbag or his cronies. Anonymous on Oct 29 2012, 01:46 the smear is typical of slimeball dfl operatives. don't know from what hole jonanthan glassel emerged from, he should crawl back into it before perjury morphs into libel. Anonymous on Oct 29 2012, 21:24

Yeah Pat, a police report is so libelous! I don't know Jonathan but I do know his daughter wrote this - there is no mention or conjecture anywhere in this except for the title. Let's pretend his daughter has some secret vendetta against her dad (except for the fact that she and her siblings were beat by him). What about the police report? I am within my rights to call him a scumbag just like I am well within my rights to call you a child-beater sympathizing douchebag. Thanks! Anonymous on Oct 29 2012, 21:33 tk do you have a hole of your own or are you mixing company with jg in his hole. trulson's ex has already recanted the ruse put upon him exercising the jg mouthpeice, and sitting cc lw sitting back hoping it won't blow back in her mug by voters on tuesday putting her back into the confines of her lenten hole. dfl slimballs need to roll back into their greasy holes. Anonymous on Oct 30 2012, 09:52

I guess I have a hole of my own. I have never met or spoken to the person you mention. Much of your last comment was unintelligible, but apparently you have great disdain for people that provide tangible proof that a "holier than thou" hypocrite is not who he says he is. What makes you think I have anything to do with the DFL party? I would have put together this same information if it were a DFL "scumbag". In any case, last time I checked Commissioner was not a partisan position...? The fact the he has aligned himself with Bob Barrett is probably unfortunate for Barrett but certainly not Barrett's fault. Please send me the information about the recantation information - I will be happy to post that too! At the absolute least Darrell's questionable and apparently hypocritical views on family values should be presented to the public without conjecture but with facts. Everything I posted here are FACTS. FACT:There are police reports that show this guy to be very sketchy and admitting to situations that as a father I could never imagine being involved in with my own daughter. FACT: His daughter wrote a letter describing emotional and physical abuse at the hands of her Dad. Facts aren't always what you want to hear, but they are FACTS. Anonymous on Oct 30 2012, 19:29

Dear Mr. Glassel,

The intent of this letter is to clarify any statements made to you verbaly, written, or otherwise.

First and formost nobody is recanting any statements made to you as they are all true and factual in there original context. Anonymous on Oct 30 2012, 21:32

Page 194 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Comment for main article: (Please - Im Danish - not English speaking, or more important here - writing) "The fact that we have a presidential candidate that believes this crap is almost as offensive as our current president that believes this crap." We over in the old countries are more than offended - we are frightended. And it seams that most of you're presidents are very religious (or belive in astrolygy) - I love america (Im Danish - if u wondered) But you're chooises in candidates for the thron of the world (So to speak) is frankly very strange - why do u want superstious renagades to run this power??? "If the level of sophistication required to brainwash millions of people into a religion was displayed by Smith, we all have the capacity to start a religion." We do - i'm serious considering that prospect - not for fame or power - just for money - so mostly like all other religions - and sadly power in the US. Regards Ole - And I relly do like the US of A - Just not the heading of it (that goes for my country as well) Anonymous on Oct 30 2012, 22:40

The mis-statement posed about recant brings up an interesting point. I have independently verified that Trulson's ex is due a substantial amount of past due child support, confirming that Darrel is in fact a "deadbeat dad." I suspect and I cannot yet confirm that she was offered full payment to recant her story. Not sure where that money would come from, perhaps a Republican slush fund of some sort, who knows. Problem is the police report. I cannot imagine the degree of planning it would take to "set up" that situation and the risk of filing a false police report. And Peter (pat) the pervert's mouthpiece, does not mention the elder daughter's letter. I cannot imagine any mother setting up a situation like that, asking her daughter to lie, just to collect money that she has been without for a long, long time. circa 2008. Her new husband is an awesome guy. A lot of guys would consider 6 kids "baggage," but not Mr. Sabara. And he even lets her work and have her own checking account and credit cards! For most us that is not a big deal, but when you have not been allowed a "life" for 23 years of marriage to Darrel, a far right wing pervert who believes in the subjugation of women (someone please explain that term to Peter). My opinion, of coarse. Thanks, Jon Anonymous on Oct 30 2012, 22:50

Checkmate... Please defend these statements against Darrel Trulson, Bob Barrett's campaign manager, Pat. Pat, you're right; we should just ignore factual police reports and deadbeat dads and letters from his kids claiming some of the most horrible crimes that a person can commit. Let's put that aside, and vote for someone who shares your sadistic and perverted opinion on family and father-hood. Who's squirming around in a slimy hole now Pat? The people giving voice to the abused, or the abusers? It must be the people giving a voice to the small voices. I hope you treat your family better than Darryl Trulson apparently does. Anonymous on Oct 31 2012, 04:43

I'm about to write an article called "Peter Schaps embraces child abusing child molesting deadbeat Dad assholes". That would be a great article... So I'll come visit you at 5690 360th Street in North Branch; to get something notarized? I've got a police report and a witness statement. Or maybe I could call. Your number still 612-875-2777? Perhaps I'll fax you over the stuff to 651-674-8820. Thanks, I'd appreciate the notary. Anonymous on Oct 31 2012, 05:01

Silence is Consent-This was sent to Darrel Trulson yesterday! Darrel, based upon subsequent Emails from yourself and other parties I can verify that you have received a copy of my Epitaph through email. You have made no attempt to clarify or disavow the Sheriff's report and the letter from your daughter or disagree with, or point out any fallacies in my editorial comments or content, though you have had ample time to do so. I have an email from your ex-wife requesting some minor changes in copy and description of events leading to the Sheriff's Report. She further states that she is not going to recant her statements, though it is apparent that she has been under pressure to do so. Thanks, Jon Anonymous on Oct 31 2012, 09:49

More Threats from the North Branch Tea Party, via Peter Schaps I respond Sorry, it was late last night but you wrote the following. Would you elaborate further? "Bear this in mind this day that the words you write today may be the worst words you live to regret tomorrow." I have sent my next edition to all parties involved that they may point out any statement to which they may believe slanderous so that I may edit my content appropriately.

Page 195 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

However, I am opining about a police report, a letter from Darrel Trulson's daughter and my own experiences with child molestation. Even the Local Republicans and The Tea Party must admit that free press still exists in the United States and people have the right to their opinions. So what punishment does the Tea Party or Bob Barrett or Sean Nienow have in store for me? A boycott of my lawnmower shop? from pro business Republicans? Personal harm administered by a Tea Party goon squad, like those who deface Lora Walker campaign signs? Peter, you sound a whole lot more like a Fascist Nazi than the liberty loving American you profess to be. Please advise what sort of torture you have in mind for me. A Tea Party Concentration Camp? Bamboo shoots under the finger nails or a simple yet effective water boarding that will make me sig heil Peter Shaps, child molesters, Darrel Trulson, and the local Republicans Tea partyists who support him. Oh jeez, maybe you are trying to coerce me into not reporting about Darrel because of my "criminal record" and the ten days I served in jail for recycling without a license. Janet Reiter got a big conviction against a local guy for coercion. I can see if she would give equal consideration to you. The other guy got fined 100 bucks. Will the Republicans cover your fine? I guess you could tie me to the chair that sits on the Tea Party tower until after the election, but rather I would like to sit by a Romney sign which you don't have! But since I have the largest Romney Ryan sign in the county would you tie me there? next to a real Republican? Jon Anonymous on Oct 31 2012, 10:11

What is really funny is that when I typed "Fiber one bars" into Google, it suggests "makes me fart" to finish the phrase. This is not a joke, see for yourself. I am farting so hard that I felt the need to not only Google it, but share my story with others as well. Today at work, I had to take a fart break. I literally got up to leave the building so I could go outside and fart for like 10 minutes. They taste good though, the bars. Anonymous on Oct 31 2012, 15:04

Believing in someone else's ancient mythological delusion is ridiculous across the globe, regardless of the actual tenants. For example, in the Western World, anyone, even the most evangelical devout christian, would casually and without a second thought, dismiss Greek, Roman, Norse, Mesoamerican, Asian, etc.. religions and gods, without knowing ANYTHING about them, right? The irony is that they don't see that their religion is exactly the same. Ancient fairy tale mythology that they are simply emotionally attached to, and that's it. Mormonism is just as ridiculous as Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Astrology, Zeus, Anubis, Thor, whatever... they're all based on emotional delusions and not based in any shred of evidence, and in fact are just ludicrously contradictory to everything we have observed and understood so far about the universe and ourselves. Not only that, Christianity specifically is extremely morbid and sadistic. With all of their claims about the preciousness of children and innocent life, you'd think they'd maybe re-examine the concept of teaching innocent children they are somehow bad, evil, unclean, deserving of punishment, sinners, etc.. and that who (or rather, 'what') created them, manifested him/herself, killed him/herself, to save his creation from himself? That is extremely perverse and grotesque, and yet its totally fine to teach to impressionable young children. Actual science though, (evolution)? Nah! Lets elect people to teach morbid disgusting mythology to our students instead! That should help us compete with all of the other countries in the world.. oh wait, we're LAST in education. fuck religion and religionists. Anonymous on Nov 2 2012, 01:05

The timing leaves something to be desired, however, the allegations given the documentation, put into serious question how Darrel could run, and if elected, serve. It also puts into question the judgment of Rep. Bob Barrett. I trust the newspaper and radio station will inform the public. Anonymous on Nov 2 2012, 17:06

I had been given an anonymous tip about the Sheriff's report last summer. At that time, the Sheriff's Office would not give me a copy because a minor child was involved. The second time I asked, they said it was an ongoing investigation. I asked them to delete the name of the minor child. After a time, the deputy returned with the report. That was on October 23, two days after I was contacted by the ex-family. I got the news out as fast as I could, while giving Darrel ample time to respond before I went to prerss. Thanks, Jon Anonymous on Nov 2 2012, 19:15

I have been a resident of North Branch for more than 20 years. I have suffered through countless election cycles. I have to say this is the worst in my experience. I am a republican, and as a result, this probably won't be published. But I think this "Newsletter" I got from J Glasser yesterday is repugnant. I do not know any of the parties involved, but the vileness of this "NEWS" is so offensive, it is beyond the pale. The disgusting name calling and belittling of the "Tea Party" and "Republicans" is lower than low. It is a sad day when a small number of of hateful people, presume to speak for the majority. It is sad that people like the author of this "Newsletter" actually get listened to. I'm sure I will get vile blowback for my opinion, which again makes it another sad day. Where freedom of speech is condemned

Page 196 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

unless you agree with the hate mangers. Nancy U Anonymous on Nov 3 2012, 10:25

Nancy, how ironic you would complain about your "freedom of speech" being condemned. You would rather remain ignorant about a person you are voting for abusing his children? You would rather the abuse remain in the family and remain a personal matter? You would rather vote for someone on principal than on facts about who they are? This guy is not a sibling or child, God does not require unconditional love. This is not Romney making a gaffe about the "47%", this is not Obama's preacher making himself look like an ass; this is someone YOU are going to vote for that is cut from very questionable moral fiber. You would rather remain ignorant? Well that makes for a perfect Tea Party voter. By the way, Jonathan, "the author of the newsletter" is a staunch Republican. Surprising? It shouldn't be. This is not a Democratic attack ad. It is a concerned citizen and REPUBLICAN calling foul within his own party. Don't believe me? Check out the size of the Romney sign in his lawn. Anonymous on Nov 3 2012, 10:46

I am not sure how or where I defiled the hardworking rank and file members of the the local GOP or the Tea Party with my article about the Trulson Affair. Perhaps you are inferring a guilt by their association with Trulson. Certainly I question the leadership of both. Peter Schaps seems to condone Trulson's behavior with his own daughter as does Bob Barrett and Sean Nienow in their continued silence on the matter. Perhaps, if it had been a male child involved? Would they have been more inclined to speak out because of the homosexuality aspect? I don't think the rank and file would approve of its leadership having sexual affairs and sending the bill for such to the Party. Most Republicans donate to the local RepublicanParty because they feel Republicans hold the "high moral ground." But here in Chisago County, it would seem the Republican leadership is trying to turn "God's Own Party," (GOP) into a "Group of Perverts." Jon Anonymous on Nov 3 2012, 14:14

News Alert: Romney announces that he will change name from USA to United States of Latter Day Saints. Baptism for the Dead to be performed in Lincoln bathtub. Anonymous on Nov 4 2012, 01:16

TK, I don't recall stating I was voting for Mr Trulson. Typical of left wing thinkers, they put words in other people's mouths. My point for small minded people such as yourself, was to the vile track this election season has taken. Nationally as we'll as locally. It is my belief that all the negative garbage only hurts us as a people and nation. I could care less about JG 's political affilliation, yet I find your statement doubtful because he has not only ranted against Trulson, but other Republicans as well. Also what cave did you crawl out of? Since when did the actual size of an inanimate object correlate to the strength of someone's beliefs. Besides anyone can put any sign in their yard. Your statement of fact has little strength or importance. As to child molesters, I abhor them, having personal experience. But the "facts" in the epitaph are not facts. They are misleading statements. There is no record of arrest, no criminal charges filed. There is family discourse which happens in divorce. Also how can a 50 something person, have been married some 50 years ago? Not possible, can't be a "fact". Nanct Anonymous on Nov 4 2012, 09:38

Are you saying the Sheriff's report is not factual? Or the letter from the daughter is not real? Send me your email, I will be glad to share corraborating evidence with you as I have done with Darrel Trulson and the leadership of the Republican Party. Nobody to date has denied the validity of these documents which were sent to them a week or more ago. My sister is now 70 years old, I am 60. I was ten, she was 20 when she married the pedophile! I do question the lack of response from local Republican leaders about this issue, many of whom appear to have the morals of an alley cat. A true conservative practices what they preach. If they preach family values but don't practice the same, I will call them out on their hypocrisy. And rest assured, I am the most conservative person in Chisago County, however I will not lie, nor will I look the other way to cover up the misdeeds of our local Republican leadership.

Page 197 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Seriously, would Mitt Romney hump his daughter's leg? And then tell her she would be placed in foster care for a year if she told the real story to the police? All this child wanted to do was to go home and never see her perverted father again, yet Darrel Trulson, candidate for Chisago County District One Commissioner would not let her go. Perhaps you should vote for the pervert if you can! Thanks, Jon Anonymous on Nov 4 2012, 14:55

Mr. Glassel, Again, failure to absorb the message. It is very clear that you have let your personal feelings and family problems get the better of you. And you have used your Epitaph as a megaphone to "air" your dirty laundry, along with a deep rooted hatred of D. Trulson. A sheriff report, with no arrest is not guilt. An unhappy child shared between parents, does not equal pervert. If what you say is true, why no arrest, why no convition. Why did the mother allow her child to travel all that way and let her stay for an extended period of time? Why wait 10 days before the election to publish this trash. If infact there was anything serious behind what you claim, it should have and would have come out when it happened. Your intent is very transparent. And you are angry that someone has seen through your veil of deception. I also am missing the connection, as far as I know the man you are speaking of is in his early 50's, his bio states he graduated high school in 1978. How could he have married your sister when he was only 2 or 3 years old? To emphatically state that YOU are the most conservative person in Chisago County surly demonstrates you are maybe the most delusional man in Chisago County. Also in the next paragraph you degrade Mr Romney with that statement about his daughter. ( I believe he fathered 5 sons and no daughters) Again check the box marked delusional.I object to the disrespect you demonstrate here. I am very skeptical of your claim of being a Republican, your words and vitreole say the opposite. The serpant lied to Adam and Eve, they believed his lies and look where it got them.

Finally, I hope your last comment is not a threat... If it is I may be publishing a police report myself. No thank you, Nancy Anonymous on Nov 4 2012, 17:23

Are you off your meds, again? Maybe you should reread my story. Darrel Trulson was not married to my sister, and I am not sure how you could construe that from what I wrote? If, in good conscience you can vote for the pervert, you should do so. I am not sure how you can construe that as a threat. I recieved a copy of the sheriff's report on October 23. If I had had the information earlier, I would have printed earlier. Darrel was given ample time to respond. He did not. Jon Anonymous on Nov 4 2012, 18:28

Mr Glassel, I did retrieve your "newsletter" from the recycle bin and infact re-read it. Having done so a second time only makes it worse. I did not begin this ordeal to endorse, agree with or sponsor anyone. My concern was to the overwhelming indulgance of negativity and smear being dished out in this election cycle. Your Epitaph only bolsters my opinion. The article on the last page is a boring length of dribble. It is convuleted, offers no fact or hard evidence and rambles from personal story, (not relevent) to your idiotic lies about Trulson and Duncan. Speeding tickets and softballs? Really? I would consider your choice of verbage as well, Pervert, emotional incest. Powerful, emotional words they are..Slanderous as well I would think. I did some searching on the internet this morning, discovered that you like to waste taxpayers money by filing baseless complaints, sitting in on County meetings injecting your selfimportance when ever possible. That you have two failed attempts at running for a seat yourself. That you have an "F" rating with the BBB for your lawnmower repair business. That you have a small flyer business, as you are a remarkable publisher, this business that sells itself on the extrodinary postage rates it recieves, (no wonder the USPS is bankrupt) Yet your ad is full of spelling errors, I wonder how busy you are with that.

Page 198 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

That you call yourself a reporter, with what credentials I wonder? Who other than yourself do you represent? I see a persecuted man, taking all his failures out on those he deems responsible. Failure is a self induced event. When someone gets in trouble it is because of something they have done. Not what someone has done to them. Yes, there is also the "sign" that can be seen from I35, something to be proud of as TK reminded me the other day... Espousing yourself as having the biggest of something really says something about yourself is rather small. You invited yourself into my home by mailing this un-newsworthy "Newsletter" to me. You invited feedback, hoping for reenforcement to your cause. I'm sorry, but you have yet to prove your case against any of the people you lament about. I can only hope that these are the victors tomorrow, and that they will keep you out of public office in the future. I also hope not to receive your newsletter again, to tell the truth it isn't even toilet paper worthy. Nancy Anonymous on Nov 5 2012, 11:20

Thanks for your comments, But at the end of the day, would you let Trulson babysit your teenage daughter? Anonymous on Nov 5 2012, 19:16

I feel like this is getting too complicated... I'm catholic, but that doesn't mean I respect EVERY belief we have. I mean, just look at Leviticus. It says if a woman cheats, she should be stoned to death, and if you eat pork, you are considered "unclean". A lot of these principles aren't applied today. And sure, some of the stuff in the Bible is hard to believe, but I hate how literally everybody takes it. No, Adam did not make Eve from his actual rib. That would hurt like a bitch. And they were NOT talking to a freaking snake. If one looks at alternate translations of the Bible, he will see that the word for "serpent" is also the word for "sorcerer". And the whole "forbidden fruit" thing is conceptual. Okay, yeah, Mormon's are stupid as shit, and some religions are actually pretty respectible. But there's only one pope, bitches. And he's Catholic. Peace (or war, or whatever the fuck you want lol). Anonymous on Nov 5 2012, 23:35

@flobberlobberlob Yes, thinking is hard – far easier to remain subscribed to your death cult of choice when you can cherry pick all the ‘good’ bits and ignore all the ‘bad’ bits of scripture. At least the inerrantists who hold true to Leviticus serve their imaginary god with more integrity than the average hypocritical Moderate – who incidentally inadvertently props this lunatic fringe. Yes Mormon beliefs are as stupid as shit, but no less stupid than entering into the semantic quagmire of trying to interpret 2000 year old blueprints on morality so that they fit nicely into our C21st paradigm. So up yer bum! (@ Elder Matumbo “sesquipedalian stylist― my arse! Anonymous on Nov 6 2012, 01:34

Who tipped off Trulson? That the cops were coming? This is perhaps, the most disturbing aspect of the whole Trulson Affair, assuming the Sheriff's Department gave advance warning to Darrel. The minor child was told by Darrel that if the cops came, minor child would be placed in foster care for months, possibly a year would pass before she could return to New York if she relayed what really happened on Wallmark Drive last July to the authorities. Darrel told the child he had contacted a lawyer who would make sure that this would happen while indicating the child would never see her friends again. Obviously, this threat was made prior to the Deputy's arrival as the minor child did as she was instructed. So, who tipped off Darrel? Was it someone in the Sheriff's Department? Perhaps, his ex let it slip out, perhaps left a message on Darrel's answering machine when she was demanding to speak to her child. Darrel's Ex-Wife writes: "Thanks Jon I appreciate all you have done and your story really touched my heart. My daughter only weighs 80 pounds right now and both girls are in therapy so I live with the pain every day. Lauren is working on her letter...... you will get that soon. I will stay in touch. Thank you again!" This minor child went through something traumatic that made her stop eating! We will probably never know, we can only pray her swift recovery. Thanks, Jon Anonymous on Nov 6 2012, 08:31

Sorry, but all religions are 'retarded' There is no proof of the existence of God. To me any believer in any faith needs a serious head examination. It's all wishful thinking. All you need is one tiny ounce of common sense and the whole of every religion falls apart, especially Mormonism, which was all about Joseph Smith's insanity and his need for multiple sexual partners and to control women and the world/people around him. Total nut.

Page 199 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Nov 6 2012, 13:48

Don't be sorry Lily it's the truth Anonymous on Nov 6 2012, 17:31

Lily, don't be sorry. Facts are facts as you stated in your post. Anonymous on Nov 6 2012, 20:45

I heard that Mitch Romney got a blessing from the mormon prophet telling him that he would "fulfill his destiny to become leader of zion" Mitch Romney tonight: "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?" Anonymous on Nov 6 2012, 22:50

This is the funny shit ever! Mormons are the biggest FUCKING RETARDS in the world! How can you actually believe that shit? How stupid do you have to be to believe the Mormon religion? Let me answer that, pretty fucking stupid! So stupi you should probably just kill yourself for being so easily brainwashed in the fakest religion ever to find its place on this planet. FUCK ALL MORMONS! Anonymous on Nov 7 2012, 00:14

Congratulations America! - the rest of the word (all bar Pakistan and Israel so I hear) salute your decision Anonymous on Nov 7 2012, 05:11

Mormon's suck big time. Retarded shit they believe in. Then they get stupid women to use as sperm trash baskets. They are all so stupid. Mitt Romney eat shit in hell you stupid bitch. Anonymous on Nov 7 2012, 20:44

Wow LMAO, So what exactly about Mormonism is so stupid? Thats your entire arguement so might as well tell us what is stupid instead of just stating it. Anonymous on Nov 8 2012, 01:27

I know the question was for LMAO, but I would like to offer a suggestion to why we think mormons are stupid. Mormons stupidly believed that America would elect a mormon president. Apparantly, it appears that God does not concur with mitch romneys blatant lies or religious beliefs. We tried to warn you. Anonymous on Nov 8 2012, 22:10

This is the most unintelligent babble it have ever seen. Who the fuck cares what you extreme right and left wing assholes say. Fuck you all. Anonymous on Nov 9 2012, 02:42

I have news for you Elder Matumbo, I didn't vote for Romney, just because he is mormon doesn't mean that every mormon voted for him, it was our choice to make. Anonymous on Nov 9 2012, 11:10

Nicky, you are flirting with excommunication admitting that in public. Utah: Romney 72.75% Idaho: Romney 64.51% Wyoming: Romney 68.61% If you check the population stats in these states, you will find that the percentage of mormons closely match the popular vote. Perhaps not EVERY mormon voted for mormon mitch, but most did based solely on his religion. As LMAO points out, voting for a candidate based on religion is both ignorant and stupid. BTW What happened? Is it possible that God does not share the mormon version of manifest destiny? How could God ignore all those prayers from mormon temple recommend holders? I am quite certain mitch romneymust have appeared on most temple prayer rolls?? Anonymous on Nov 9 2012, 20:18

Nicky, just a reminder that even though I think your religious beliefs are backwater batshit, I still respect that you have the spine to come back here and try to defend the lunacy. I have hope for you. Anonymous on Nov 9 2012, 20:41

Page 200 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Associated Press: "Romney's candidacy focused intense attention on the faith. Last Sunday, television crews from around the world filmed at Mormon Sacrament Meetings in Utah and Massachusetts. It was a regular monthly day of fasting and prayer, and faithful told reporters they were fasting and praying for a Romney presidency." Anonymous on Nov 10 2012, 21:16

Mormons for Mitt, That is very unfortunate that those members said that we have been asked by the First Presency has asked us to decide for ourselves who to vote for they have never told us who to vote for before. Elder Matumbo, God would never take away the agency of those who think Obama should be President. We are told in the last days that the Constitution will hang by a thread. Honestly I belive that time is not far off. Anonymous on Nov 10 2012, 22:06

Nicky, my question was not about mormons being pressured to vote for Mcromney (they were), I asked why God did not answer all the mormon prayers and blessings pleading for a mormon president? If God ignores all those requests, why would God answer prayers to cure my grandmothers hemorrhoids. It is obvious God does not want a mornon president, and I suspect there will not ever be another chance. As for the 'Constitution hanging by a thread" comment? It is interesting that you would bring up this White Horse Prophesy made up by Jo smith. Read below that since joseph smith, mormons have believed that running the country is their right and destiny: "The White Horse Prophecy is a statement purported to have been made in 1843 by Joseph Smith, Jr., founder of the Latter Day Saint movement, regarding the future of the Latter Day Saints (Mormons) and the United States of America. Mormons expect the United States to eventually become a theocracy dominated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church).[2][3] The authenticity of the prophecy was not made public until long after Smith's death" Anonymous on Nov 11 2012, 00:48 this is absolute stupid. seriously you need to delete this. i was googling picts on how to help choked kids and this stupid site i found. think another positive creative way how you wanna state your share. Anonymous on Nov 12 2012, 11:44 so glad it was the cereal and not the beer Anonymous on Nov 12 2012, 20:32

Here in West Virginny, we loves usin some Korn Kings bacoon. It taste so yummy like it fresh off Lloyd big old behind. You haters out theres not know wit you missing afteryuo cooks it, it taste like A Big 8 Messy Queen. Anonymous on Nov 13 2012, 18:01

I brought Fiber One 90 Calorie Chocolate Fudge Brownies for the first time, yesterday. They were small bars and taste good. I ate quite a few of them - about an hour of eating them for the first time, I got really bad gas along with loud farts - which I have never had before. Day two of eating quite a few of the fiber bars again, I notice the same thing has happing again (the loud farts with gas). I googled the Fiber One Bars to see if that could be the possible cause, and found out that they were causing my gas/fart problem. I have another box left - I won't be eating any more of the Fiber One Bars. NO THANKS! Anonymous on Nov 15 2012, 21:29

Very funny posts. Yes, I too got incredible gas from consuming just ONE. it got so bad that I had to just stop eating them. I would have one on my lunch hour. One positive is it didn't hit me until I got home from work. One day, one of my co-workers asked me what I had for lunch. When I told him his eyes got wide and said he knows who to stay away from. Unbelievable! sometimes, i thought I was going to put a hole in my pants. Anonymous on Nov 16 2012, 01:32

I BARE MY TESTOMONY THE MORMON CHURCH IS TRUE, THE MORMON PROPHAT WILL ONE DAY LEAD THE WORLD. WE KNOW THIS FROM THE.DOCTERN AND COVENANTS. GODS TRUE WORDS Anonymous on Nov 16 2012, 22:35 to Anonymous, How many times a day and for how many years have you said that statement. Has to be burnt in your brain by now. Robot robot robot. SAD SAD SAD you can't see what has been done to you Anonymous on Nov 17 2012, 10:41

Aw, great...I just ate some of this stuff just before I read this article. It's gonna be a wonderful day... Glad I know now. Anonymous on Nov 17 2012, 17:36

I just ended up googling "mormons are stupid" and this is the website that I got. I was surprised as I scrolled down at some of the accusations made by people about the LDS religion. Point: LDS and Mormon Fundamentalists are completely different. Mormon Fundamentalists, like the show "Sister Wives," often involve a man "needing" three wives to become a god in the spiritual realm.

Page 201 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

While this is ahem retarded, I just wanted to point out the difference. I also wanted to make a statement to what post 399, Anonymous said. According to St. John in Revelations, the "beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns..." blah blah blah. What John meant is that the sea is the political world. Yes, even WAY back then, they had politics. So to this, I must say that the one way I know if someone could rule the world, his rise would have to be through politics. Sorry, but this therefore proves that mormonism is not in likeness with Christianity. I was a Christian for many years. Now, I like to refer to myself as a "nothing." Not athiest, agnostic, buddhist, whatever. I'm nothing. However, I have read both the book of mormon and the bible. There is ACTUAL proof that Jesus walked the Earth, whether he was the son of God or not is entirely up to you, but there is proof (just as there is proof of Noah's ark, blah blah blah). My point being, Mormonism IS a CULT. It is not associated with any religion other than itself. Somehow, Joeseph Smith just thought that God would want to change his religion after 1800 years. "Oh yeah, Holy Spirit. I think this Joe Smith guy looks great. Let's tell him alllll about it." Haha. Whatever. Anonymous on Nov 18 2012, 05:18

Oh. My. God. It's some small comfort to know that I'm not the only one who had a wretched experienced with Fiber One bars. I ate one this morning with a carton of plain yogurt and plenty of water -- around 16 ounces. This did absolutely no good. The last time I had gas pains this bad, I was coming down with food poisoning. I had to have spent an hour in the bathroom at work today due to the explosive gas and diarrhea. Not to mention the incessant burping and vague sense of nausea. I literally felt so ill, I couldn't eat anything for lunch. Ugh. This isn't food, people, this is a laxative, and a powerful one at that. Never again. These are going straight into the trash! Anonymous on Nov 19 2012, 19:03 i can't believe that somone would actullay put up on a website on how to play this stupid dumb-ass game! wtf anyone would do such a thing is way beyond me! i have a friend who tried this a long time ago and killed himself from it...i'm still mourning his death to this very day! i don't give a rat's ass that this is only a joke. i feel strongly that it should be removed from the internet PERMANTLY! Anonymous on Nov 21 2012, 13:18

I just left Applebee's and the food was alright, when I say alright I mean just alright. Trust me Nishi I wish I would of spent my time and patients on a McDonalds menu then to go through what happened there this evening. I ordered a corona and the waitress (clearly just out of high school) asked for my liscence. Understandable... So she looks at my ID and notices it says Class B on the back, well not knowing what a CDL is she tells me she cannot serve me. ???WHAT??? I just wanted one stinking beer with my dinner. She sked me if I would like to speak to the manager, I eagerly said "well yea". The manager took her time to come over and says well we are sorry we cannot serve any beer to you cause you have a class b liscence. I went on stating that I only have like 60 hours on my CDL from driving a freezer box around when I was like 17 years old. I've never been in an accident and I don't even have a flipping speeding ticket. The manager then says well I will look into this and be right back. Mind you Nishi this is now about 35 min into what was suppose to be a nice birthday dinner, yes it is my 34th birthday and I just wanted one little beer with my tequila/fiesta lime chicken. As it turned out she was mistaken and so was the manager cause as soon as I mention driving with a freezer truck and class b at the same time that she figured out that it was in fact a CDL and not some type of fellony er something like that. NOTE: full price for everything , no comp/ discount, nothing not even an apology. The little girl who initially told me she can't serve me never came back and sent someone else. The fries I ordered came back with enough seasoning to season ten baskets of fries. So yes if you want to call me a retard for complaining then do so, but remember, anyone who takes time to order what they want will be happy with what they get. In this matter I waited 45 min to be dissatisfied. Thank you Applebee's for a relaxing yet tasteful birthday dinner. Anonymous on Nov 25 2012, 23:08

I don't think mormons are retard. They believe in god which is good isn't it? Anyway, I don't know what you have against mormons. Its ur life though. You can think what ever you want. Mormons rock. Im just trying to stuck up for them. Anonymous on Nov 26 2012, 00:04

Elder Matumbo, I don't care that a mormon president will probibly never happen, to me I never expected Mitt to win. As for prayers and faith that supposedly all Mormons had for Mitt to win so they could have a mormon president, well we can move mountians by faith, but it needs to be in accordence with God's will. Sometimes we get so focused on what we want we forget that God is on a completely different time line than we are. I was born two and a half months prematured, both my mother and I should have died that night but because of God's love we were both saved. Others are not so lucky. My aunt had twins die and wanted kids for years but still has none, God does answer our prayers, but it does not always mean that we will get exactly what we want from God, it just means that he will soothe our troubled heart and help us understand. Johanna, Thank you for making the clarification between Fundamentalists and the LDS(Mormon) church. We are two very different churches. I would like to know why you still believe the LDS church is a cult. What have we done or believe to earn that name? If you were to do some research into our religion you would find that we are very similar to the Jews and we think of ourselves as Christians. We believe in Christ and have faith in him and his second comming. Anonymous on Nov 26 2012, 09:25

So what you are saying is that if all the mormons pray to move a mountain, and it dosen't move, it must be Gods will that the mountain did not move. However if you take enough dynamite, you can certainly move those same mountains regardless of Gods will. So you are saying dynamite is more powerful than God? Must be. "If you were to do some research into our religion you would find that we are very similar to the Jews and we think of ourselves as Christians. " So which is it? Are you very similar to the Jews? or, do you think of yourselves as christians? You can't be both. I wonder if Jews would agree. Anonymous on Nov 26 2012, 21:34

Kashi flatulence is like no other. It comes on fast and strong with little to no warning. Feels like a hot desert wind, with burning unrelenting warmth.

Page 202 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I have a very high fiber vegetarian diet and have even "won" Metamucil dares with my brother with absolutely no side effects. Olestra potato chips, bring them on, no stomach problems at all. However, just one bowl of this delicious cereal and I am playing a trumpet in my pants.You think you are done then 5 minutes later your stomach is in knots again. I am surprised no one has died yet. Anonymous on Nov 27 2012, 01:35

I love Fiber One Bars....for the dogs. You see I have three large bulldogs, that my mother-in-law does not like very much. When she visits, the dogs take turns dry humping her, which pisses her off. Anyway, during one visit, the dogs got into the trash and ate some old fiber one bars my wife threw away. The dogs got a serious case of the doggy farts from them, my mother-in-law abruptly cut her visit short. So now I keep a few in the house. When I know she's coming by, I always feed them a few to liven things up. Works like a charm. Anonymous on Nov 30 2012, 19:03

I've bought 2 packages of corn king bacon, mainly, to save money. I'm tired of paying $8 for a 1lb of bacon. I used about 4 slices tonight in a pot of black beans which i'm going to vaporize in brown rice. bacon is fatty. but it's also $2.80 per lb which is $.50 cheaper than walmart's brand. all of ya'll should stop complaining and start buying the more expensive stuff. why complain over a cheap ass brand of bacon? Anonymous on Dec 9 2012, 01:19

Our office recently got rid of our unheathly vending machine and brought in bins of "healthy" snacks. One of the wooden bins contained the general mills Fiber One bars, and they had chocolate! I decided to try one and found it delicious. I began eating three or four of them a day. In fact out of all the healthy snack options, the Fiber One bars were always the first to run out. Well after 2 weeks of death star assplosions and having my family running away from me screaming I decided to google "fiber one bars horrible gas" and found this site. I feel so much better knowing that I don't have colon cancer or an ass tumor, I was about to schedule a full body scan to find out why I have been trying to enter the 4th dimension through my butt. I love reading the hilarious stories other people are posting! I also wonder how many other people at my office are having this same issue. Anonymous on Dec 12 2012, 14:17

I find all kashi cereals have this effect on me, yet I continue to eat them. They are addictive, it's like having crack in the cupboard calling my name. Unfortunately my husband is very "prissy". In 5 years he has never farted in front of me and he acts disgusted by people who do fart. Now, I come from a long line of prolific and noteworthy farters who excel in their sport without the help of kashi products. A glass of water can make my mother fart. With this impressive pedigree I already have won awards for my impressive air biscuits. Add some kashi and we have a copious supply of nuclear air biscuits. Fortunately for the sake of my wonderful marriage, my husband works away for two weeks at a time. During that time I console my feelings of loneliness with big bowls of kashi. I think I will challenge his high and mighty "civilized people don't fart" attitude to a kashi face off. See if he really can refrain from cutting the proverbial cheese after eating a few bowls of gashi. Anonymous on Dec 18 2012, 08:59

Klausekilski I can go 20 different ways with that answer. Tell your mother to tuck you in before I come home to screw her. She must like fucking less than a village ldiot or you would not exist. come on now I hate to bring myself down to your level . All I know you could be a kid for that matter and or a nerd, definitely white I know that. let's see you like you like little girls oh no you like little boys. how much dirt should I throw out there for you. Anonymous on Dec 19 2012, 20:50 all i have to say is GOD should have never created so many FILTHY WHORES AND LESBIANS TODAY, and what a waste of humanity that they are. Anonymous on Dec 22 2012, 01:53

Me and my friends love to eat these bars. Anyway one day my friend had nothing to eat so I gave her my fiber one bar because she l oves them. So we were on the bus two hours later and she farts( she was sitting next to me). It was quiet at first and did not stink but it got worse and worse. I was laughing my head off and my friends was sitting there so emberesed. It was awesome!!!!!!!! P.S. I went to the seat two rows behind and to the right, so I could get away from the awful stench. P.P.S. Never eat these things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Dec 27 2012, 21:59

I came home late one night to my husband in agony. I thought he had gall stones or something. You would have thought he was about to give birth. I took him to the E.R. at 2:00am. They took xrays, blood tests, and actually gave him Morphine to give him some relief! Everything was normal. They never asked him about his diet. Finally, he mentioned that he had eaten 2 Fiber One bars at about 5:00pm. When we came home, I went online and typed in "Fiber One Bars Gas" and found some hysterical blogs, like this one, about people's experiences with this. I told him "no more Fiber One Bars!" Three nights later, back to the E. R. He had eaten another one because he couldn't believe that that is what caused it. $1,000 in emergency room fees later and I think he's finally convinced to stay away from them. Anonymous on Dec 28 2012, 01:16

I bought a box of these about a year ago for the fiber. I they were better than I expected from a fiber bar, so I ate two or three of them. Later that day I started farting and they were SOOO BAD! That night I had to open a window on myself to sleep. The farts continued well into the next day and I was getting concerned that it had somehow gummed up my innards with something, until it finally stopped. The sad part is, I sat in the same chair for most of the first day, and I'm embarrassed to say, I threw my chair out

Page 203 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

because the smell actually lingered in it. I didn't think that was possible. RIP chair Anonymous on Dec 31 2012, 02:35

I've lived in Utah my whole life. I was raised in a mormon family and was active until about 1 year ago. (I'm 19 years old) I know a lot about the religion and can talk to the smartest people in the religion about any topic and all I can say is while mormons are good at heart, they are fucking ignorant judgemental assholes. Mormons are honestly ugly people who don't see past their point of views. I can't stand being around them because of how closed minded they are. Anonymous on Dec 31 2012, 02:46 speaking of fuckin retards, that certainly describes most of the women out there now. Anonymous on Jan 2 2013, 09:29

I knew it, I knew it, I just knew it. I've been counting calories and logging diet. For the life of me I could not understand why I was letting loose all day and felt like a sweaty, bloated hog when I had only eatin 1200 calories plus 2 Fiber One Bars. Man the pain of witholding while sitting in the flightdeck at 380000 feet is intense. You cant just let go because you have your coworker right there, Sitting next to you in an ENCLOSED space...... Love the bars though. But just curious they gotta have a disclaimer. Anonymous on Jan 4 2013, 10:34

They looked so good! I couldn't just have one! I was hungry at work and I finished the box. ???? I feel like I swallowed a stick of TNT! Anonymous on Jan 7 2013, 22:36 i want to fuck diana in her anal hold and blow my load all over her tight slutty skirts. Anonymous on Jan 8 2013, 03:17

Yeah i put this together myself after multiple occurances. I was eating the Fiber One cereal, though, not the bars. Same Chicory root ingredient though. It is going in the trash. Bad bad BAD on you General Mills! Anonymous on Jan 8 2013, 23:41

All you have to do read the label for contents. Don't be surprise when you research and find it is made with unthinkable things like earth worms. Anonymous on Jan 9 2013, 05:55 hahahahha as a black Mormon i just sit back and laugh i have showed some of this crap to other Mormon and they laughed as well honestly we cant get mad for peoples stupidity you guys spin all day on the computer ranting and bashing a religion you guys dont understand calling us retarded is just down right dumb lets face it catholic priest rape little boys Baptist pasters go around Preaching about helping the poor but they live in 500,000 dollars houses and aren't helping the the poor and screw the wives of men that go to there church while there at work Jewish DENIED that a man named Jesus ever existed (which is stupid in its own right because roman document have stated that there was a man name Jesus from Nazareth who they had condemned to death on the cross and you have more respect for them then us and pastafarians...... really thats the best comic insult you could think of ive heard better from a cereal box but i dont go around ranting how stupid they are no Mormon does cause we where taught that everybody has there own religion and to be kind to them for that and that we are all children of god and if you are an Atheist we all come from one single sell organism have any of you actually sat down and read the book of Mormon and not go off of second hand reports on our beliefs when you do get back to me and at the end of the day if what you say what we believe is retarded and you are Christian almost all of us live a very calm and sane life we repent and we go out and help and follow the commandments so what we believe wont matter cause we have excepted Jesus into our life as our savior there wouldn't be any thing and thus will be saved by "Grace" alone and to the Atheist why does it matter to you if what we believe in if you guys are so rooted on the thesis of if we are wrong that when we all die there is nothing after that it shouldn't mater what we believe in cause if what you say happens there'd be no loss cause there'd be nothing and we would have no memory of what we said cause there will be no memory but id hate to be you if you where wrong and back on the thing of ranting and bashing My religion instead of saying it behind the computer scene stop beeing a coward and say it out loud and proud to a Mormons face and if you need a Mormon face to say it to come see me in Richmond Virginia or email me at [email protected] to get the address if you are feeling froggy Anonymous on Jan 9 2013, 14:26

@ making no since. All religious belief is retarded, it's just that yours takes the biscuit as being one of the most ridiculous and intellectually fraudulent for reasons that are evidentially clear. Btw Nazareth didn't exist during the (proposed) time of Jesus. And yes there are Jews who believe Jesus didn't exist, just as there are Jews that believe he did. Either way the evidence wouldn't stand up in a court of law. Right off now to simultaneously covet my neighbours ass, wife and daughter- Laters... PS suggest you don't post under the influence of speed again or at least come up for air once or twice. Anonymous on Jan 9 2013, 20:57

For those of you suggesting taking Beano or some other anti-gas medicine or digestive aid to help curb the gas produced by these fart bars, you're sadly mistaken...... they don't work! These bars are truly evil incarnate, maybe an exorcism would help... Seriously, if NASA were to use these as compact fuel sources, we'd finally have a way of getting to Mars in months instead of years! General Mills clearly has some chef witches par excellence brewing up these sinfully tasty concoctions because I can't figure out how something with a mediocre amount of fiber could cause such agony and yet taste so good! Anonymous on Jan 9 2013, 21:18

Page 204 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

This post is very true.I was entertained perceive it. Any female all over the world likes to be original, but does not get know the right way to do that. But lots of different people look for writing service. Anonymous on Jan 10 2013, 10:24

I knew of this, but I missed breakfast yesterday. I grabbed a Fiber One Oats n Chocolate bar hopefully for the last time. There is a knot on my head after launching of the toilet seat and hitting the ceiling. Please, do not trust the fart these the things produce as shrapnel will come out as well. I don't buy the lack of fiber in the diet argument. These bars have a similar dietary fiber content as one cup of Post Raisan Bran and I eat at least one and a half to two cups at a time. No problems there. Anonymous on Jan 10 2013, 11:34

@making no since (or sense) You identified yourself as a Black mormon. I am happy to see that discrimination no longer exists in mormonism. Black mormons seem to be just as ignorant and illiterate as the white ones. I also noted that you have "excepted" jesus from your life. We already know that mormons are not christian, but thanks for confirming.

BTW Here is an example of one of your fellow mormons who, as you say is "calm and sane, reads the book of moron and follows the commandments: Michael Crapo, the unfortunately named Republican senator from Idaho, was arrested early Sunday morning in Alexandria, Virginia for drunk driving. After reportedly running a red light and failing multiple sobriety tests, Crapo was taken into custody and booked at the Alexandria jail. Must have gotten into the sacramental wine from the SLC deseret winery. Typical mormon hypocrite. Anonymous on Jan 10 2013, 20:01

OMFG I literally just had an asthma attack because I'm sitting here choking with laughter, tears rolling down my face. So I decided to try these Fiber One Bars the other day, downing two within a few hours of each other because lets face it, they are f*cking delicious. Sometime in the middle of the night it hit me and by the morning I was emitting sonic booms you could hear from the next room. Even my cat, who parks his fat ass on the back of my thighs when I sleep got up with a sour look and left the room. And the bloating god help me, I feel like Buddha.How bad is it that you would have to take a day off of work because of this work of pure evil? Anonymous on Jan 11 2013, 00:26 you both sound so dumb @Rbbie the fact that you think i do speed is beyond me if you would know any thing REAL Mormons dont do drugs drink alcohol or smoke its called following the word of wisdom how about you do this instead of acting like a big shot and insulting me why dont you TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND READ A BOOK THAT DOESNT CLOUD YOUR JUDGEMENT when it comes to knowing the truth and dont rant about how the book of Mormon clouds my judgment because i always look for things that contradict and what you basically think just because scientist who(and dont get me wrong i love the work scientist do) believe that there was nothing and then out of know where a biiiiiig cosmic explosion happened and then there was something and first of all explain to me the beliefs that we have that are so outrageous and @Elder Matumbo first Discrimination NEVER existed in the Mormon church that is if you talking About the Mormon Fundamentalist who still dont except black to this day or any other minority race and just like i told MR. Robbie over there that insulting me is not going to make your smarter then me because trust me i dont even think you know what the word ignorance means and my friend im far from illiterate and FYI that is such big talk from someone BEHIND A COMPUTER DESK Prove to me that Mormons are not Christians we excepted him as our Saviour from day one we say our prayers the same way any other Christian does we quote him like every other Christian we read the Bible like every Christian does so yes we are we will continue to be and we have been Christians and this proves how much you know about Mormonism do better research Michael Crapo is a Mormon fundamentalist i know his story and that wine joke thats also Mormon fundamentalist the church im apart of the Mormons you guys so joyfully get mixed up with the fundamentalist version we dont drink wine doing our sacrament its water just plain good old clear water because as i said before we follow something known as the word of wisdom in which we dont drink alcohol so whose the ignorant one now oh also to all of you if you hate my religion so much why waste your breath is it the mere fact you guys dont have girlfriends wives families um um i dont know maybe a JOB your not going to change a true Mormons mind do better research i mean its not like we are putting a gun to your hear and saying convert now unlike you we care for every one no matter what we think of your views we are all gods children and to you atheist we are all human who breath the same air we let you guys walk around and believe what you want so why dont you give us the same right Anonymous on Jan 12 2013, 03:54

Sorry Mr Nonsense, my intellect doesn't extend far enough to understand the point you're driving at. Anonymous on Jan 12 2013, 04:41 the point im Driving at is unlike to contrary Beliefs which is not so in most cases Im not trying to prove that what you believe is stupid whether your atheist or of a different religion all im saying is that MY church reputation is being ruined because of another church with the same name has said and done some pretty stupid stuff only thing im trying to do is educate you on my beliefs and i must apologizes for earlier my intentions where just to correct but i became angry all im saying is You practice what you want and the only thing we ask is for you to respect the fact thats what we are just trying to do we dont mean any harm to you this beliefs that we are bad and or stupid people is beyond me when you take the time to meet a real Mormon you'll find out we are not that bad people and the thing is when it comes down to it every one talks about religion starts wars no bashing not excepting someones culture or beliefs does and thats what half of you are showing now that you are unable to except someones beliefs and culture and leave them well enough alone to believe what they want Anonymous on Jan 12 2013, 21:07

Page 205 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Ha ha ha ha ha...omg. I am IN TEARS dying laughing right now!!!!!!!!! All I needed to know (thank you very much google..lol)....was if there was any connection with FIBER ONE bars and FARTS. LOL LOL LOL...WOW!!!...is there EVER!!!!! LMAO. I'm a shy, quiet, respectable lady. I never or rarely ever "fart". Hahahahaha....thought I'd try to fulfill my New Year's resolution and start eating a little healthier. Bought a box of these fiber one bars for the first time and after just 2 bars in one day, wowee....I have never, EVER in my life ..EVER...blew farts as STINKY, LONG and LOUD as the ones I blew after eating these bars. My poor kitty cat....after I get into bed and have my fluffy comforter on me, she loves to lay in a little ball between my legs. Poor, poor cat...The fumes came right through the thick layers of the blanket. I sware I tried to hold them in but as others have disclosed in this article....NO SQUEEZING of the butt cheeks could hold these powerful suckers in there. I tried to hold them in at work and my stomach rumbled from the inside sooooo loud!!!!!!!!! I think the fart exploded inside me! WOW. The human body is an amazing thing. Wish I had these when I was a teenager on the bus...good times. lol. Sadly, will probably resort to multigrain bread and fruit now. Anyway...whoever created this blog...thanks for a GOOD LAUGH! Anonymous on Jan 12 2013, 21:59

Making no since, you claim to be literate, but a pretty basic concept of literacy is the use of some sort of punctuation. I think Robbie tried to give you a hint, but it appears to have flown over that sharp intellect of yours. I guess that you are a convert to mormonism as that would explain your severe disconnet from the history of you religion. Rather than debate each of your points, I would suggest that you review some of the previous posts where you will find most of your run-on statements refuted with facts. Anonymous on Jan 13 2013, 00:58

Two things/"happenings" that bother me about Fiber Bars, The FIRST is; I had eaten one before I went to shop at my local super store. I did feel the urge but was holding back as long as possible to avoid embarrassment.I was standing next to a metal door where employees bring merchandise from their stock room. Each time they came through the metal door, the dolly would "CLANG" against the door. So I decided to time my fart with the CLANG. Didn't work, the next person (employee) pushed through without a sound. My fart left an echo that drifted into the stock room, and a couple with their baby in a grocery cart turned in unison with their baby to look in my direction. Myself, I turned and looked at the stock clerk with disdain. That's not all,I fed a bar to my dog and he ruined our Thanksgiving Dinner with his GAS, then became so bloated that he died. Anonymous on Jan 14 2013, 18:25

This is hysterical!!!!! I was farting around the house tonight and couldn't figure out what from! It occurred to me that I put a mere sprinkle of kashi on my yogurt for the crunch. It sure was tasty going in!! Guess I can't even handle it in small doses, Anonymous on Jan 16 2013, 20:20

Just resubscribing under a new email address. Keep up the great Kashi farts! Anonymous on Jan 17 2013, 02:22

If I was able to actually release the gas after eating a fiber one bar, it would be a GodSend. I have stabbing pains like daggers shooting through me that litterally put me on the ground after eating these bars. I don't know what ingredient they put in these that does this, but I have had home-made high fiber bars, with twice the fiber amounts in them, and sufferened absolutely no pains from the home-made ones. Anonymous on Jan 18 2013, 03:06

I've been home from work for a few weeks following a surgical shoulder repair. All of the pain pills and antiinflamatories were staring to cause me an upset stomach. Plus, I often take a pill on an empty stomach before going to bed. Well last night I woke up with a sour stomach in the middle of the night. I know how to handle this, a simple glass of milk. So down to the kitchen I go.... What goes better with milk than cereal. I had a nice big bowel of my husbands Kashi cereal and watched a few hours of late night TV before returning to bed. When I finally did return to bed my husband spooned up along the side of me, knowing I must be uncomfortable. Then the Kashi kicked in!!! I ripped a big old fart right on his thigh.... I don't think he will ever love me again, and I'm done with the cereal! Anonymous on Jan 20 2013, 12:27 i love poop this article is a reason to tell my mom im allowed out poop i love you poop whoever wrote this article is a genious Anonymous on Jan 21 2013, 15:00

Not sure what nationality the commenterrs are but I'm assuming American. So...Ever heard of freedom of speech? gtfo sensitive people lol. If you're a decent parent like you think, then you won't let your little snowflakes roam free on the internet anyway. Problem solved. Anonymous on Jan 21 2013, 18:48

When you say FUCK OFF, you should wear it...... try Eiigy Pocr Off instead. Check it out. I love it. At Eiigy.com! Anonymous on Jan 22 2013, 01:40

If only all sides in this crazy argument were to stand back, logically and objectively spend some time contemplating the truthfulness and credibility of the Mormon faith. There is no right or wrong. Or black or white, Only in true faith of a religion that we are offered of our own free will, can we truly be-leave. The Mormon Church is accused of directing and controlling its members and setting itself outside the accepted circle of christian beliefs. So are all the millions of members of the church brain washed into believing the Joseph Smith doctoring and today directed by their leaders to totally disregard any evidence that question the validity of their faith. The major question here is to allow yourself to think. Is my faith answering all the questions. . Anonymous on Jan 23 2013, 09:03

Page 206 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Whatever. i hate people who critisize mormons or any other religions for that matter. u people r just plain wrong. mormons r the best. at look at u hypocrits who swear and then talk about mormons luke that. just plain wrong! Anonymous on Jan 24 2013, 17:00

Had a Fiber One bar at work with lunch once. Only once. I was away from my desk more that afternoon than any day I can remember. I was getting sore. I didn't think I could nake the drive home, but it finally relented in time. Whooee. Anonymous on Jan 25 2013, 00:06

Had only one of these at 7pm on a Wednesday night, while I was away on business Farted all through the night, so much that it kept me awake! 24 hours later, I crapped mud so bad my ass was sore from all the wiping! I wound up leaving the rest of the box to the housekeeping staff, in addition to my regular monetary gratuity! I'm a big guy too, and if one bar can take me down, it can take everyone else down too! from now in, I'm avoiding anything with chicory root extract! Anonymous on Jan 25 2013, 10:41 am I the only one that does not experience this? weird...... Anonymous on Jan 26 2013, 21:54

Being reluctant to share my own personal stories, I have kept them to myself, famliy and dog. After reading about others' dramas, I have worked up the courage to share them. So here I go. Chapter one: When I first discovered these fiber farts (or whatever they're called) I realized that my dog was avoding me. After a few hours, I found him cowering under the couch. Chapter two: Realizing the new powers I had harnessed, I held my family hostage with my favorite type of fiber fart (chocolate). Thank the lord they figered out that wet rags make decent gas masks (they actually considered buying real ones). Chapter three: After learning to control my super-powers I had some fun. Playing a trick on my younger cousin, I told him to pull my finger and then I let one out producing a green gust of wind, knocking him over. My cousin hasn't come near me since. Now you know my stories of drama and adventure. Tooty Fruity signing out. Anonymous on Jan 26 2013, 23:40

I skimmed this hilarious and often shockingly ignorant thread (eg, the "godly" Mormon who shrieked that even disabled people had more morals... HAHA!). The biggest take away I have are the people who cry about "you have to give me my rights!" and "you have to give them the same rights!" I'm sorry... what authority do I have to give anyone rights? Your right is to believe what you want. My right is to say what I want (within legal reason). What rights does any private citizen take way from you by formulating a disagreement and simply typing it? Goodness gracious people and "they're my rights! so give 'em to me!" are stupid in the brain. And what about the prevailing notion above: "let them alone to believe what they want. It's not harming anyone." Ask California gays if the Mormons didn't directly attack them. And what about my cell phone bill? I was getting desperate woeful call center calls from out-of-state cultists pleading on behalf of Jebus to vote YES on 8. Fucking hypocritical morons. Anonymous on Jan 29 2013, 04:41

I'm terrified that, if you can be brainwashed into believing that the planet Kolob exists, you could be brainwashed into thinking and believing ANYTHING, not to exclude the reward of 72 virgins upon the completion of whatever task your 'leaders' might assign you. Also, Mormons will never rule my world. I invite you to try. I think you might end up like the scam artist you so blindly follow. Good day, retards. Anonymous on Jan 29 2013, 15:38

Being a Mormon is like being Man Supporter or a Red Socks fan they can never be seen to ding any wrong. The Mormon cult propaganda machine constantly strives to control the thoughts and actions of its grass roots members. In my eyes anyone should be free to follow any religion they choose. In the Mormon church there is very little freedom of choose, fifty five thousand young men and women with titles like Elders,priests and missionaries roam all four corners of the world seeking out new members and converting Christians to becoming pup pits controlled by the cult. Mormon families are directed in every way how to led their lives. Through their scriptures and leadership doctoring there is no opportunity for members to allow their minds to open to thoughts and truths regarding their faith.. Most Mormons are so unknowingly tied up and bound up by this cult they are afraid to question or leave. The answer is not to discuss on a one to one basis but to offer what the church will never do. Provide the truth,let its members know how it functions,Its monies and political activities. Look at the millions of items out there on the internet. One thing if you decide to seek the truth about the cult and church do not use the official churches web, use an independent like Google Anonymous on Jan 30 2013, 08:45

There is NO GOD. Why are people so stupid wasting time in believing this? Why is there 20 different religions that all say 'ours is the only true one' - get a grip people, its a 'guide' that if you choose you can devote your life to, or do it yourself and guide your own destiny. There is no Heaven or Hell - Could you imagine how many trillions of people would be in each?? I am GAY, I was made that way - and to those who say its choice, why WHY WHY - would anyone 'choose' a life that you know there are serious haters, not allowed to have children, or get married etc... I know if it was choice I would probably choose straight as it would be alot easier than what I have been through...

Page 207 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Jan 30 2013, 21:59

You stupid ass i dont care if this is a joke or not my son died trying this game and it has totally destroyed my family and myself... Im in the UK and its idiots like you posting dangerous games on the web that get our kids killed. Im a responsible mother and monitored my sons internet activity he learned the stupid game from school. Remove this crap...Do you want to be responsible for another child dying this way?? What if it was one of your family members?? Anonymous on Feb 4 2013, 15:17

I have never laughed so much - this was a great article and story and speaks the truth. Anonymous on Feb 5 2013, 16:05

Sorry about the multiple posts everyone, I didn't realise that it was already posted! Anonymous on Feb 9 2013, 22:11

Why do most people say they are throwing these gifts of the gods in the trash? I eat these intentionally for the side effects! Anonymous on Feb 9 2013, 23:47

I had a bowl this am...and just had the lemongrass chicken...OMG...the replies on this site are making me laugh so hard I can't hold anything IN! Glad its not just me...lmao Anonymous on Feb 12 2013, 14:02

I am crying right now!!!!!! this the funnest website in the world!! so me and my cousin were reading these a little bit ago. so we went to the store bought fiber one bars and like 1 hour later we were farting like crazy!!!!! it may have been because we split the box and each had like three it was awesome!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Feb 14 2013, 09:15

Don't be an a-hole. Brimley is awesome Anonymous on Feb 14 2013, 21:27

Thank you. I added these bars to my diet plan...and they're not just the Fiber One, they're all of them. For the longest time I thought that all of this was just another secret in the aging process that our seniors never told us. The small aches and pains are getting greater as I get older. But this need to rid the body of gas has reached the point of the absurd. I pass gas so frequently that I now note that I pass gas in my dreams. I have even awakened myself. Then there's the ever present doubt that it might not be gas but something else. Al Roker in the White House was something I did not want in my memory bank, butt these bars have made my life crazy. I have decided to stop eating them and finding something else that doesn't have side effects or sound effects with a fear of visual effects. Anonymous on Feb 14 2013, 23:37

I ate a few of these bars before going to the movies on a date. Let me tell you right now, I thought I was going to die. I held my farts for a good hour before I couldn't handle the pain and was literally crying. I ran out of the theater to the restroom and the pain was so intense I thought I was going to expel my bowels so I sat on the toilet. What followed was a fart so powerful and long it actually pushed the air down the toilet. I'm not even joking, it created a vortex of death so acutely intense that not only were my eyes burning, but my lungs hurt for a good 2 days afterwards. It was hard to breath a deep breath without sharp pains. If I had held it in any longer I believe my intestines would have ruptured from the pressure. My date asked me what was wrong because she noticed me limping back up the stairs to our row, I told her I pulled a muscle. She still doesn't know.... Anonymous on Feb 16 2013, 19:54

Had two of these for lunch...by 6 I had a sharp pain in my stomach and by 7 I was blasting the hugest farts I've ever had!! Anonymous on Feb 19 2013, 22:30

Just a few weeks ago, this mormon dude named Matthew went missing on his way to work at a bank. His wife reported him missing and the mormon militia went into action. They were searching random hi-way ditches, fields, barns and even had some mormons who had planes out searching from the air. The odd thing was is that they had NO clue as to which direction this guy may have gone, but they prayed and then searched where the "spirit" guided them. They did not find him, but the police did. The police found his car out in a sketchy area of a city about 3 hours away from home. The side window was broken out and his wallet, his cell phone and a pack of smokes were still in the car. About 3 am the next morming the cops found him in a hotel. He told a story of how he was kidnapped. It was found out that he made of the story of the kidnapping and staged the car to look like he was attacked. He was charged with public mischief and lying to police. The mormons have been pretty tight lipped, but it has leaked out that he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of the inordinate stress put on him by his religion and the mormon religious zealots from the largly mormon town he lives in. In retrospect I believe the mormons may have had a clue that he was trying to breakout, and they pulled out all the stops to ensure that did not happen. These people really do pressure each other to be someone they are not. Some have no choice but to crack. Others just live seperate lives living one life in front of other mormons and another life when away. I still hold to the rumor that he was found in the hotel with a bong and a philipino lady boy but that may just be speculation on my part. I feel sorry for this dude and I hope he uses this to break away for good. Most religion is dangerous, but the mormon cult especially so. They are trapped hypocrite rats in the mormon bubble. Anonymous on Feb 20 2013, 00:46

Page 208 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

you can get constipated from this shit, dont eat it it doesnt even taste good fuck the corporate world PEACE BITCHES Anonymous on Feb 20 2013, 15:57 you will fart all night long. don't eat the fiber one bar, it's not worth it. you will fart all night long, all day long, at home, at work, every area of your life will become one huge fog-horn fart. you will lose your boyfriend, your lover, your husband, your dog, even your children and grandchildren. General Mills needs to be sued - hey, let's get a lawyer and make it class action 'fart' suit against General Mills. We would win, Fiber One has something in its ingredients that causes stomach problems and pains and gas. They need to be sued, deserve to be sued, should be sued. Anonymous on Feb 22 2013, 07:36

Yes, yes, yes . . . It's Kashi, no doubt but you can ave some fun with this. I recommend consuming a couple of eggs and 8 ounces or so of dried apricots in the same sitting. This will add "flavor" to your flatulence! Have fun! Anonymous on Feb 24 2013, 14:31 uh yea have to agree that kashi is potent for sure. I swear after eating kashi I have these bursts of air every 5 minutes an they smell exactly like kashi. Just be aware that the kashi cornflakes with a hint of molasses will give you the power to clear a room. It's crazy . I thought the same thing that maybe I had ibs but found out that it was the kashi. Oh boy get a lighter an have sum fun wen you get home just make sure your girlfriend or wife doesn't find out your lighting farts! If you eat dried peaches it will make your gas smell like peaches, trust me I ate kashi & then a peach later in the day oh boy my office smelled like peaches! Anonymous on Mar 3 2013, 00:18

I have had problems with malitol & artificial sugars ending with tol. So I made sure before I bought these there wasn't any of these ingredients. Like all the other blogs, I had severe cramping and not so pleasant gas pains. I remember the same gas pains after child birth. I spent hours researching Fiber One bars ingredients and never thought Chicory Root would be the source. I wouldn't give these bars to my worst enemy. They are going into the trash. Shame, shame and more shame to General Mills. Yes we all need our fiber but this will never be my way again. Anonymous on Mar 3 2013, 17:08

Two Day Discomfort reply. If you have a problem with sugar alcohols, and chicory root, you should look up fructose malapsorption. Sugar alcohols and chicory root fiber (inulin) are listed as components of fructose malabsorption dietary intolerance. There is a diet for people with this type of malabsorption issues and it's called the F.O.D.M.O.P diet. My daughter, son, and myself have problems with certain fodmop foods, which includes for us, sugar alcohols, chicory root (inulin) fiber and wheat. Anonymous on Mar 3 2013, 19:55

Although people do have the freedom of speech, information that causes bodily to children and teenagers does not need to be featured online as a for of entertainment. As well as the writer of this article having a very casual and up beat attitude. The "choking game" is killing teenagers everyday and needs to be stopped not encouraged. Even if this article is not taken down, it needs to be avoided and reported because it is giving the wrong idea to anyone between the age of ten and nineteen. The "choking game" is causing more harm than it seems and the matter is not being taken care of if we spend time yelling at everyone who has their own opinion. Though I do not recommend this information being on the internet, it will never go away. Information like this is also helpful to adults and parents. They can find signs of the "choking game" in their children by what they have read here. Don't be so quick to judge before you think about the whole helpful and non-helpful information. Anonymous on Mar 4 2013, 11:04

It's pretty funny that this thread has been going on since 2007, so I feel a little late to the game. After gassing out my officemate (I took the crying and leaving as a sign) for the past week, and depositing potent stink bombs in the gym (sorry guys!) I googled "kashi GoLean bad gas" and was relieved - and entertained to find this site. The sad thing is that I love that cereal, but since I'm not a recluse there's no way I can keep this up. I always thought we were supposed to get as much fiber as possible! I was eating that stuff for breakfast and dinner. It's hilarious to think that most of these posts were written while farting. Anonymous on Mar 4 2013, 17:06

Thanks to these lovely bars, I have lost a set of boxers. Had the joy of walking around with mudbutt, and polluting my entire workspace with butt-o-stench! Embarassment is not even the beginning of this journey, this will depress yourself. You run and hide, but the cloud follows. smh Anonymous on Mar 5 2013, 19:15

I have a customer service job where I have to function at a high level for hours on end dealing with people. Today was definitely not my day thx to kashi go lean. I spent most of the day with a worried/pained look on my face. When I could get back to my office to get some relief it did no good. Even after doing my best impression of Gabriel's Trumpet for a good 4-5 seconds absolutely no respite from the discomfort. I just can't eat this stuff. It's not worth it. Glad I found this really funny thread though! Anonymous on Mar 5 2013, 22:11

I totally sympathize!

Page 209 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Mar 6 2013, 13:25

So, I feel this is more embarrassing then all of your farts put together but I feel that you will laugh just as much. I picked up the Fiber ONE bars and happened to eat 3 in 6 days. Well long story short. I guess my body reacted differently to it and I started having pains(like possible gallbladder problems). I went to my doctor to get a blood test and was schedule to do an ultrasound on my upper right adominal area. As it turned out the pain progressed and was getting worse and I was concerned. So I went to the ER--Only to be told that nothing is wrong with me. But I still had really bad pains. Not even the narcotics they gave me helped my pain. Then I started looking back at what it was that I ate differently. The only thing that changed in my diet was the FIBER ONE bars. So now I have to wait my pain out...I would be very surprised if this wasn't what is giving me so much pain. FML Anonymous on Mar 6 2013, 23:46

Just so people on this blog know, if you are trying to avoid chicory root fiber due to your horrific experiences with it, be warned that it can sometimes be called inulin fiber. Manufacturers are very tricky as to what various names they use on labels for the same ingredients. Just a word to the wise for those of you who have been traumatized by this God Awful ingredient. PS. I believe Kashi is using this in some of their cereals also, but maybe not at the same high dosage as Fiber One. Anonymous on Mar 7 2013, 00:28 hmm hindi ako masyado aetfcfed (panget kasi sya hehehe jk lang) dahil hindi naman sya ganun kasikat sa Brokeback Mountain ko lang nga sya nakilala eh. pero sayang natapos pa naman nya yung sequel ng batman. sana baka after non mas lalo gumanda ang mga offers sa kanya. hay tao nga naman de mo malaman kung ano mga nasa isip scart's last blog post.. Anonymous on Mar 10 2013, 06:15

Three responses to your post: OK, Brad, so you KNOW there is no God? How could you ever know that? You would have to be God to know that. You'd have to be everywhere always to know that. You really believe there is no intelligent design behind all of reality? WOW! You have more faith than I do. No, there are only two kinds of religion. One says you are a little broken but if you work harder God may accept you. The other says that we are all impossibly broken and we need the God/man to fix us. Jesus Christ is the savior. People choose things that feel good and hurt them all the time. Why does the heroin addict continue to shoot up? It is a dreadful habit that makes her feel good. All human being are genetically prone to sin. We all need to be saved from God's wrath. Anonymous on Mar 12 2013, 13:31

I was at Costco and tried a tiny sample and thought, "Chicory Root, sounds nutritious, tastes good, I think I'll buy 36 BARS!" One month later, I rumble like a Harley and fart all day. My coworker had to open all the doors in the middle of the winter to air out the office. I can't let the bars go to waste, so I'll just have to keep buying new jeans to replace the burn holes in the back! Anonymous on Mar 12 2013, 14:54 my buns are sore from the endless insanity. I have a date tonight. This is how I will die. Anonymous on Mar 12 2013, 19:34

The choking game is not good for the human health. Anonymous on Mar 13 2013, 12:12

I also must say I am so glad I have found this site and all the blogs. I wound up in the hospital because of this Gas pain and the sulfur burps and methane Gas. This has been a horrible experience for me. They had put me on pain medicine until the doctors set up an appointment for a Lower and upper GI. Now I was eating the Kashi Go Lean Almond and flax and the cluster one to. There has to be something done about this. When I googled this I was truly in shock. And this is supposed to be Healthy for you? Really. I am sorry I can not laugh right now as I have en cured medical expenses do to this... I truly don't know what to do... Please advise if anyone has any advise... Thank you all for re-leaving my mind about all this horrible Gas. Ugh and I had a bowl last night and Here I suffer typing this... Blessings to you all August... Anonymous on Mar 14 2013, 11:56

I told my family if I have to go to the hospitol Tell them I ate 2 bowls of Kashi Go Lean cereal, I always heard you had a lot of gas before a heart attact ....So I had a good talk with the Lord and was ready to meet him ... I'm so releaved to know you all have Gas ,( not completly releaved} This is the worst case ever. I can't leave the house , All my companys left and my dog walks backward when I come towards him. But Thank God It's not a heart attact Anonymous on Mar 14 2013, 19:39

Wrong. Real evangelicals do not do drugs, alcohol and do not smoke. Anonymous on Mar 15 2013, 03:23

I had a Strawberry P B & J Fiber One bar.After 2 hours I farted so much,chain farts even.The smell ughh.Horrendous,but they're so good! My grandmother had bought them for me and I forgot that a few years ago I read this "letter" and told myself I would never eat Fiber One bars. Anonymous on Mar 15 2013, 14:39

Page 210 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

The stuff is ruining my marriage Anonymous on Mar 18 2013, 20:58 i farted so hard and nasty my cat meow meow wouldnt sit on my lap. I promised her i wouldnt eat them anymore....but I lied Anonymous on Mar 20 2013, 17:20 oh god... Anonymous on Mar 26 2013, 19:20 thank God for this site! i did email Kashi and I just wat to share their reply:(goodbye Kashi!) Thank you for contacting the Kashi Company. We're so sorry to hear about your experience and it is difficult to determine the cause or source of your discomforts. Good digestion is important to maintaining overall health. When your digestive tract is breaking down and processing food efficiently, your cells get the nutrients they need. Fiber is important to promoting digestive health. Yet, most Americans eat less than half the recommended amount of fiber. There are two different types of fiber and they have different benefits in the body. Soluble fiber, as the name suggests, dissolves in water and turns into a gel. Foods rich in soluble fiber have been shown to help reduce cholesterol and help maintain blood sugar levels. Insoluble fiber, you guessed it, does not dissolve in water and passes through the body almost entirely intact. This type of fiber keeps things moving through the intestinal tract. Insoluble fiber can help you stay regular and help remove harmful substances from your body. If you’re just beginning to get more fiber in your diet, take it easy. Try to increase fiber to the recommended levels over several weeks, as overdoing it too quickly can lead to painful cramping and bloating. Also, be sure to drink plenty of water to keep the fiber moving through your body. Thanks again for reaching out to us. We wish you the best with your health and wellness goals.

Best of health, Mark S. Consumer Specialist Consumer Affairs 026666379A Anonymous on Mar 28 2013, 10:24

So, I've been battling a bunch of gas and a LOT of diarrhea-like symptoms for the past few months. I FINALLY realized that Kashi was causing the problem and this website confirms things so thanks a bunch you guys! This cereal tastes so good but I will NEVER buy it again. It gave me constant, unrelenting, repugnant gas and ENDLESS empty, diarrhea-like bowel movements all the time. I JUST realized this today--I feel like I'll be a new man tomorrow. I'm still having gas from Kashi I ate at 3:00 this afternoon. Anonymous on Mar 30 2013, 22:02

I would recommended keeping a Fiber One bar with you if you're walking in a bad area of town at night. If you begin to sense danger pop a bar into your mouth in order to arm yourself. That way if someone tries to grab you from behind you can blast them with a fart so strong it'll knock them straight to the ground giving you time to run. Plus, after a couple of farts you'll be covered in so much stench no one will want to get within 100 feet of you. It's the perfect defense mechanism. Anonymous on Apr 3 2013, 22:44

So it all began when my mom informed me that she bought some bars for me to take to school...HOLY SHART!! Ive never farted so much in my life. My boyfriend was just over and I had to keep leaving the room so that I could let one rip. The bad thing is that they linger...not so hott. Anyways, I plan on offering these bars to friends and see if they say anything. Id love to stay and chat but I have to go find a cork to stick up my ass. Anonymous on Apr 8 2013, 03:57

My wife brought home a box of these healthy breakfast bars and I brought a few to work. That wouldn't be a bad thing....if I worked for the railroad. But I work in an office building in small cubicles within nose shot of 10-12 people. Within 20 minutes or so of eating ONE of these bars, my gut started the rolling brown-out. I am not exaggerating when I say within 45 minutes I had floated no less than 75 Fiber One air biscuits. I couldn't even concentrate on my work it was so disruptive. Needless to say, my co-workers were less than thrilled and suggested I go home for the day. I come from a long family line of farters but this was not even close. This was history making 1st degree flatulation not seen since the fart scene in Blazing Saddles. If I could've blown it into a hot air balloon then I am sure I could've found life on another planet. If I ate Taco Casa and cabbage for a week it wouldn't make this much noise. I don't know what you are doing over there Fiber One but you need to put a free clothespin in each box and maybe a Glade suppository. A friggin' warning label wouldn't kill you either...... Anonymous on Apr 9 2013, 13:29 i just have to say to all the people that say "there is no evidence it doesnt exist" the burden of proof lies on the person trying to prove the existence of something... not the one saying it doesnt exist, how exactly does someone prove that something doesnt exist if it doesnt exist? the fact that there is zero evidence this religion is real, and zero evidence of god outside of your singular perspective is evidence of non existence... in other words... the fact that there is no evidence is the evidence that proves the non existence... no amount of faith or belief changes objective reality... just because you dont understand the origin of the universe does NOT

Page 211 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

automatically make the answer god... perception does not create reality... Anonymous on Apr 10 2013, 01:59 whooooo hooooooooo PPPPFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT LOVE YOUR CEREAL Anonymous on Apr 11 2013, 23:40

I'm so glad I kept searching for a cause of this dang gas!! I thought I was dying or something. I was so happy when I tried Kashi Go Lean; IT TASTED SO FREAKING GOOD! But I noticed that I started to get gassy, yet I didn't know what was causing it. Well my mom just bought 3 more boxes of this, and I feel really bad. BUT I will not eat that because the smell is just so deadly and gross! Anonymous on Apr 12 2013, 00:09

Yes to everything already mentioned. I had two little KGL oatmeal choc. chip cookies yesterday at 3 pm. First I started burping a couple hours later. Then I started itching all over. Then came the bloating and gas. This morning I have the painful intestinal cramping and nausea. DO NOT FEED THIS CRAP TO PETS. Or allow your child to feed it to your pets. Not even one tiny bite. Bloat will kill a dog. I shudder to think how many pets this toxic waste has killed already. Nothing like this should be on the market. Despicable the way Kashi pretends they have NO idea what's going on. Anonymous on Apr 12 2013, 12:04

Bought a large box of these from Costco. They were so delicious I ate two. Then the rampage started. Unbelievable explosions every few minutes all night long. I was wreathing in pain and moaning so loud, it scared my daughter enough to actually call 911. Police and paramedics showed up at 4:00am. They ran an EKG to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack. So yes, these are meant as gag gifts!!!! Or maybe not.... Anonymous on Apr 12 2013, 17:42

Jesus Christ I love this stuff. My business partner sits right next to me & always rules the day in the gas department. This kashi stuff has breathed new life into me. I sit at my desk with a green cloud floating over my head. I've punked so many of our interns with the "hey come check this out" line. I feel like the John Holmes of farts. Anonymous on Apr 12 2013, 21:04

I googled fiber one bars and gas because I thought there was something wrong with me after I ate a fiber one bar. I found this sight and could not stop laughing. Guess it is a normal reaction. Thanks for the laugh. Anonymous on Apr 16 2013, 20:29

I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints and I am here to bear my personal testimony that God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ did vist the Prophet Joseph Smith Jr. and that they reaveled to him the Book of Mormon that are families and ourselfs can become like Him. I promise you that if you read the Book of Mormon with a pure heart and ask your Hevnely Father that if it is not true He will tell you, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. Anonymous on Apr 17 2013, 00:33

Haha! This is so funny. But honestly, fiber one bars do absolutely nothing. I eat them purposely, 1-4 daily, in order to get myself to poop naturally (I've had IBS since i was a baby). Not only do they never give me gas, they also rarely make me poop. I was really disappointed in them, but now I'm thinkin I just have an extremely f****d up body! lol. Anonymous on Apr 17 2013, 15:05

Oh my god I thought I was alone until found this page! I kept buying these bars for months and couldn't understand what was wrong me haha. I would eat these things like the sweet delicious candy they taste like, sometimes 2 or 6 in a day. It took me forever to understand why I nearly blew the roof off my house with the worst, longest and loudest retched farts of my life. I would literally wake up and let out 3 minute long farts that my cat LOVED, such a weird cat who apparently digs dutch ovens of the deadly variety! I have since vowed to never touch these devil bars again, no amount of chocolatey peanut goodness will bring me back for second rounds of sound defying level farts! I wonder if I ever woke my neighbors up? Anonymous on Apr 19 2013, 17:24

You should all be thankful for such a wonderful product that gives you ripping, potent, gas bombage. Why the complaints? Ripping loud popping farts is a thing to be cherished, and not regretted. Anonymous on Apr 20 2013, 01:33 dry heave...dry heave...dry heave...dry heave ...... VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT. Ahh. Anonymous on Apr 20 2013, 02:32

Um of course you fart. There's more calories in this bar than an entire dinner. I mean 10g of sugars, 500 calories, and 90% of calories

Page 212 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

come from fats. The listing alone says you'll gain 2 pounds and that creates a lot of methane. I'm sure they're good, but fats and sugars = farts. Although, I work next to 2 guys so I may eat one just to annoy everyone. And bring extras for everyone. Anonymous on Apr 22 2013, 08:43

Oh man! Mistake to read all of these while at work in my shared 1-room office space! I'm laughing so hard and it's making it even harder to prevent one from accidentally squeezing out! I've been crop dusting the halls of the office all day. Ridiculous! Anonymous on Apr 22 2013, 15:36

I work for the National Park Service. Two days ago I warned my co-workers not to enter my office without an all clear from me. The smell and duration of the farts were indescribable! I finally took 3 hours of sick leave and went home early. Last night I thought...hmmm, Kashi. Today googled Kashi GoLean and farts. Thank God! No more for me. Anonymous on Apr 23 2013, 18:22

You must be mormon haha Anonymous on Apr 23 2013, 23:17

Well I ate a whole box of these. I was doing errands all day and had them on the front seat of my car, I kept reaching for them, and they were really yummy. So later in the evening I had to go to the store for toilet paper and a few other necessities. By now I was dropping bombs every 30 seconds. I was DREADING waiting in the cramped grocery checkout. I tried to wait in line SEVERAL times, but at checkout I kept saying, "I forgot something!" and then I would run to find the clearest aisle so as to minimize casualties. Well I did this about FIVE TIMES, then finally on my last attempt in line, I told everyone, "I forgot my wallet!", I set my stuff down and ran out the door making one continuous fart all the way to my car. Society should thank me. Anonymous on Apr 24 2013, 16:42

Hahahahahahaaaaa...I made the mistake of trying to be healthy and bought a fiber one bar from the vending machine at work. Within minutes I was experiencing the worst hot farts of my life. Not only were they loud AND hot (I thought I sharted at one point) they smelled like decomposing roadkill. When I realized the farts were not going away anytime soon, I decided to be a decent person and go home for the day to fart in private. Anonymous on Apr 25 2013, 10:21

Fuck you you mindless twat. Anonymous on Apr 25 2013, 16:22

LOL~ Few years late with this reply but omg your post just had me crying at work! All of these posts are hilarious! I have not yet tried a fiber one bar but I've got one sitting in front of me. I won't eat it at work now that I know what happens, but I'm considering eating it afterwards and making my boyfriend suffer the wrath at home tonight! Anonymous on Apr 25 2013, 17:37

The Kashi Cookies do it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Apr 27 2013, 16:03

I too thought it was delicious stuff. However, the gas was terrible. I was actually worried about ovarian cancer or something in my reproductive organs because my abdomen became so distended it was kind of frightening. No more! Not ever! Anonymous on Apr 29 2013, 17:02

How does this amazingly good cereal produce such HORROR! It literally produces THE worse smelling farts on earth. I knew things had gotten out of hand when I accidentally let a silent one escape me in the kitchen at work and my coworker began rooting through the fridge trying to find the "rotten eggs"! Whoops! Anonymous on May 1 2013, 18:09

I have never laughed so hard in my life!! I think I burned a weeks worth of calories snorting and bursting into tears with laughter. What makes it so funny is that we all have experienced the wrath of the nasty fart bars. They are tasty and great for a snack when dieting or working out but OMG the repurcussions are just not worth it anymore. I tried, I really tried to continue eating these bars but enough is enough. I feel like I need a diaper. I have never ever had nasty smelling farts like these. They are loud, the smell lingers for a long time AND the whole experience of the fart bar takes hours upon hours to clear your body!!! Seriously there should be a warning on the label, if not for the people eating them, then for the surrounding counties!!!! Anonymous on May 3 2013, 14:50

'Mormon church killed her slain lover in blood atonement plot for his sexual sin' By Daily Mail Reporter

PUBLISHED:06:13 GMT, 9 March 2013| UPDATED:06:14 GMT, 9 March 2013

A friend of accused killer Jodi Arias has claimed the woman's slain boyfriend was not killed by the murder suspect but instead was the

Page 213 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

victim of a Mormon blood atonement plot. Arias, 32, is charged with first-degree murder in the June 2008 killing of her lover, Travis Alexander, in his suburban Phoenix home. Authorities say she planned the attack in a jealous rage.

Now a friend of the suspect told Radar Online he believes Alexander was killed by the Mormon church for sexual sins he had committed with Arias.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article- Anonymous on May 5 2013, 23:01

I had 2 bowls of Kashi go lean crisp cinnamon, by 9am, by11-11:30am my stomach begin to tighten. Let the symphony begin (horn section only). It's after 6pm, the horns are still blowing. No zumba for me tonight. Thanks Kashi! Kim Anonymous on May 8 2013, 18:03 at my extreme age (60) do not eat fiber one bars and prune juice...trust me on that... Anonymous on May 10 2013, 15:03

I had diariha that looks like dust after just 1 Fiber One bar... and a lotta farts. My stomach is gurgling as I type. Anonymous on May 11 2013, 21:50

I agree, I looked over the package for a phone number, there isn't one. These days most products have a phone number and/or email address. Anonymous on May 14 2013, 16:01

My daughter and I found this great sale at Menards wow $1.00 for a box of Fiber bars what a deal so we purchased 60 boxes after going to 3 different stores. That night I went to bed after eating 2 bars. I was almost asleep and I let loose. My husband jump out of bed and was looking out the window, I asked what he was looking for and he said "I thought I heard a Machine Gun going off". Than he came back to bed and said Oh my God it was you! I will have to admit it was a smelling one as he went to the guest room to sleep and left me with the results of my Feber bars. They are still in my freezer, I think I will give them to people I don't like. Anonymous on May 16 2013, 01:14

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! Oh MY!! If ONLY this was true!!! HAHAHAAHAHA!! You guys are hilarious. Hate to break it to yo, but A. Roe v. Wade will never be repealed; B. even if it was, we'd still get abortions. You won't stop us--there are LOTS of ways to get rid of unwanted parasitic cells, and we'll keep coming up with more. LOVE whoever made up the punch card, tho. Thanks for the laugh! XD Anonymous on May 17 2013, 04:24

I cannot believe the number of responses to the " Fiber Fart" article. It surely is an epidemic!!! I too have been infected with incredible outbursts of gas. So much so that my BFF has had to hold onto the very large picture hanging over our bed to keep it from crushing us as we watch TV. Fortunately for him, the dog and me, mine don't smell!!!! What they lack in odor they make-up for in frequency and decibal. This makes for a very interesting day, I work as a Barber during the day and a waitress at night. Try standing next to a customer and leaning close to them to trim their bangs and HOLY SHIT hear it comes!!!! No one to blame either! It's just me and the customer!!! Then, there's nothing like a waitress taking your order and she quickly walks away, rather tight legged, while your in mid sentence,,,,were'd she go....TO FART in the noisiest place she can find in hopes of drowning out the sound,,,,the kitchen!!! Bone apetit!!!! Anonymous on May 21 2013, 22:29

I had to look into this and now I know that a whole galaxy of gas has been created in my gut and is invading earths atmosphere through my ass!!!! Anonymous on May 24 2013, 14:21

Its getting to the point where I'm actually afraid I'm literally going to shit my pants. Its sooo bad. Anonymous on May 30 2013, 17:50

It's all bullshit. Science is real ! ¥£€£¥£€£¥ all these mofo's. Normans are Normans. Pinheads are pinheads. Anonymous on May 30 2013, 20:35

I bought a box of Kashi GoLean last week and really enjoyed it.A few days later and I was really worried something had made its way inside me, died and was exiting in the form of poison gas cuz I was ripping ass every 2 minutes. BAD ONES. So I ran out of GoLean yesterday and didnt have time to pick more up for breakfast today. Suddenly I realized... NO FARTS??? A quick google search and

Page 214 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

here I am. There must be a Kashi conspiracy to blow up our rectums. They gotta quit using Chicory Root for their fiber source. Good lord. Anonymous on Jun 4 2013, 17:36

Lol she was a dog. Anonymous on Jun 6 2013, 05:39

F*ck all of u's.....I'm a KLUSTERFUK !!!!! Hahahaha Anonymous on Jun 11 2013, 20:31

After dieting for two years, I was amazed that I could eat Corn King bacon, and still attain my goal weight. All my friends at the local ham radio club was amazed as well. I started out weighing 200 pounds, but with the help of Korn King bacon, I have really got my figure the way it pleases my husband, Mork. At 535 pounds my Morkie has found all kinds of new folds and rolls to try out on my body. Thank you Korn King. Anonymous on Jun 13 2013, 17:46

Dear Mormon anonymous, Use correct grammar and spelling when arguing against being retarded. Just a thought from an agnostic. Anonymous on Jun 19 2013, 09:45

All I can say is at least now I know the source of the constant aroma I've been producing the last 4 days. Bought a box of Fiber One Caramel on Tues to help tide me over at work between lunch and dinner. Tonight is Friday. My husband has not slept in our bed since Tues night when he watched a late night movie while I slept, and walked into a room so foul he honestly thought an animal had died outside our window. Not having any idea what was causing it, I ate a bar a day and it has only gotten worse. All joking aside, the bloating is unbearable. I'm in training, working out 2 hours a day and I gained 4 lbs between Tues and Thurs! It's also widely uncomfortable as I am NOT experiencing the benefits of "regularity" so to speak. I will never eat these again and I just hope by this time tomorrow it will all be over. Like many have said, I have never, EVER experienced gas like this in my life. My husband will be on the couch again tonight, I just wish I could escape this with him... Anonymous on Jun 22 2013, 02:20

Best cereal EVER!!! Even if it didn't taste so freaking good, I would be tempted to eat it daily, just for the entertainment. With "GoLEAN Crunch!", I have finally achieved my life's goal of a continuous fart lasting 20 seconds. That's gotta be a record somewhere. I theorize that by eating as few as four bowls of the cereal, and learning to articulate my sphincter, I could play revile with only my ass as an instrument. Thanks Kashi!!!! You have given my life meaning!!! Anonymous on Jul 2 2013, 07:26

Ask in prayer for truth,no need be so hatefull to mormons Anonymous on Jul 2 2013, 21:42

Im so happy i'm not alone. These Fiber one bars should be categorized as weapons grade. WTF is in these things? Its crazy... Anonymous on Jul 9 2013, 13:22

I have to say that I will NEVER, EVER consume another one of these yummy bars from hell... severe gas and gas pains, diarrhea... honestly there should be a skull and crossbones on the box!! Or at best a warning... Anonymous on Jul 19 2013, 13:04

Christianity and Islam are almost identical in structure, how is it that you can respect christians but consider islamics to be insane? Anonymous on Jul 21 2013, 13:36

I would win at this. I ate 3 bars in a row, and within a few hours I was releasing the longest, loudest, most forceful, farts one after another for more than 12 hours straight. If there is a Guinness Book of World Records on the most farts in one day, I would have it by a landslide in the eight hours alone. - There are enough comments on this page to initiate a class action lawsuit against the makers of the fiber one bars as there is real damage caused to the families of those who eat them. Anonymous on Jul 25 2013, 07:13

#Hahaha I just found this site after googling mormonism is bullshit. There is some pretty hilarious shit on here. I'm a former mormon. That shit was crammed down my throat for 22 years. I even did the mission thing and got married in "the holy temple" lol. What a crock of shit. It was a difficult thing to leave after 22 years of brainwashing but my God, after getting out and seeing the real world and simply studying the religion and history, how on this earth can anyone believe this bullshit? My parents are distraught that I left the church, but I ask them how in this day and age can they actually believe the mormon fairy tale. Anyone with access to the internet has all the information they need to discover how fucked up the religion is. There are so many things I could go into that would (or should) convince you how wrong it is, but from what I have seen people want to hang on to their beliefs. That's fine, but my hell, it

Page 215 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

makes you look dumb as shit. Anonymous on Jul 26 2013, 00:53

Dear GOD! I can't breathe from laughing so hard at the main story and all these comments XD Anonymous on Jul 26 2013, 16:12

Visiting family far from home and I didn't poop for 5 days. We went to Costco and got a big box. My father cousin and I went to Yosemite park and I had a lot of regular farts and my dad told me it was disrespectful that I farted so much. Today was the second day of owning those bars and I've never farted so much... HUGE FARTS all of them. My anus hurts from all these massive farts. Anonymous on Jul 29 2013, 05:15

We really should all post more recordings of our farts after these wonderful fiber one products made us fart. Anonymous on Aug 1 2013, 02:01

I got a message from that stupid cunt too! Ref: ETHAN LIM ASST VICE PRESIDENT - OFFICIAL MESSAGE My post: http://www.nofuckingjustice.com/2/post/2013/08/315-895-1453-integrated-marketing-help-scam.html Anonymous on Aug 3 2013, 21:04 fuck you tard Anonymous on Aug 8 2013, 01:45

The Wife picked this out the shelf on a Thursday. Oh My! What a turn off for the weekend. I should buy this for the refrigerator at work..."with Almond Milk". Anonymous on Aug 11 2013, 20:23

I started eating Kashi Go Lean Crisp with the berries before work about a month ago after getting bored with plain oatmeal with fresh berries. After a few weeks it really hit me that I'd been having some extreme gas while in the office but not on the weekends. I quickly narrowed it down to this cereal. I immediately cut it out of my diet and have cured my problem. My wife came home last night with Kashi Oatmeal Dark Chocolate cookies and some Kashi Pita Crisp Zesty Salsa. I had 1 cookie and a hand full of the crisps. Today...fart city. No more Kashi for me! Anonymous on Aug 12 2013, 15:07

So I found this site while searching Goolge for Kashi farts. Yep I knew it had to be the damn cereal. It was my first time trying the Go Lean Crunch. I enjoyed one bowl of this stuff and then went shopping. Oh my gosh... I must have farted from one end of the mall to the other. So glad they played music throughout the mall otherwise I would have been making my own music, as much as I was hootin and pootin every 5 minutes or so. I felt so bloated I thought something was wrong. I've never farted so many times in one day in my life. I'm so glad I wasn't on a date or at a movie. Those were the type of farts that hurt too bad to hold in. My stomach was killing me all day. Should have seen the look on my child's face as I farted all the way up each step at home trying to run to the bathroom. My first & last box ever! Its going in the trash! Anonymous on Aug 14 2013, 22:47

I have always like corn king, like the inexpensive cheap fatty stuff. But as of late it is totally gross! I am not even sure that this is pork. It appeared fatty but the fat never cooked down. I got flappy gross yellow looking blobs in the fry pan. Never ever again! Anonymous on Aug 15 2013, 12:59

When you seek the Lord with all your heart, He will reveal himself to you. All of us have sinned and fallen hsort of the glory of God. In the beginning was the word and the word was with God, and the word was God, and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. He died for our sins, so that we might have eternal life. The wages of sin is death. Jesus' death satisfies the wages of sin. He has taken the cost upon himself beacause he loves us that much. Believe in him and that he did this for you and rose again, and you will have eternal life. There is no other way.

I totally understand everyone's frustration with all of these twisted up doctrines. They are twisted and very deceptively crafted. That's what causes all that angst you feelbecause their is something in your God given conscience that tells you it's not right. Continue to seek the Lord with all your heart, he will reveal himself to you. Jesus is the way, the truth and life. In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God and the Word was God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Anonymous on Aug 25 2013, 13:34

Page 216 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

When you seek the Lord with all your heart, He will reveal himself to you. All of us have sinned and fallen hsort of the glory of God. In the beginning was the word and the word was with God, and the word was God, and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. He died for our sins, so that we might have eternal life. The wages of sin is death. Jesus' death satisfies the wages of sin. He has taken the cost upon himself beacause he loves us that much. Believe in him and that he did this for you and rose again, and you will have eternal life. There is no other way.

I totally understand everyone's frustration with all of these twisted up doctrines. They are twisted and very deceptively crafted. That's what causes all that angst you feelbecause their is something in your God given conscience that tells you it's not right. Continue to seek the Lord with all your heart, he will reveal himself to you. Jesus is the way, the truth and life. In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God and the Word was God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. btw-I totally agree with you nathaniel. Anonymous on Aug 25 2013, 13:39

Is this corn or pig? I never eat pig because (a) need to loose waight (2) God forbids canniballism. Anonymous on Aug 31 2013, 17:30

I recently switched over to eating Korn King bacon. I am a 36 year old pizza delivery boy and virgin. Where I work we use Korn King bacon for our fantabulous nim-busted pizza. It's very good and I love eating it while I pretend I am a Time Lord and do dirty dancing with Daleks. My live in boyfriend Woger says he loves Korn King bacon too. Anonymous on Aug 31 2013, 21:34

When I wrap Corn King Bacon around my toobe with hondals it fills my hamshack with that ~hickory-smoked aroma. Anonymous on Aug 31 2013, 23:37

I have never pooped so much in my whole life. Seriously, I called out of work today. I thought I had food poisoning or was dying... then I remembered the 4 Fiber One bars I ate yesterday, cause they tasted so damn good. I read the side of the box (which is in the trash can because I ate them all.) and it said, "Gradually increase fiber over time to help minimize potential gastrointestinal discomfort". Oh shit. Literally. Anonymous on Sep 4 2013, 10:14

Lol that is what is happening to me right now.I ate 4 fiber 1 bars yesterday and oh god I am so happy it is a saturday.Too bad I had to cancel my plans though. Anonymous on Sep 7 2013, 13:41

People whose vocabulary is so limited they resort to profanity are the retarded ones Anonymous on Sep 10 2013, 17:38

I just picked up my brother from the airport - he flew from Los Angeles to Chicago (4 hours). This particular major airline is now offering Fiber One bars as a "healthier" option to pretzels, chips, etc. He said that an hour into the flight the whole airplane smelled like a SEWER FROM HELL. Can you imagine this? It is bad enough to smell your own farts, but can you place yourself on a Boeing 737 with 140 passengers in a confined space at 30,000 feet with everyone passing horrible gas constantly??? There is no way anyone can open a window. He said it was the worst flight he has ever been on and is switching loyalty programs to another airline. WTF were they thinking?? Anonymous on Sep 12 2013, 00:04

Ever hear of Walter the Farting Dog, the children's book? Kashi-induced gas is slowly turning my children against me. Anonymous on Sep 13 2013, 18:23

My mom recently began buying corn king bacon from our local Wal-Mart. You know the one that FIRED ME FROM MY JOB AS CART PUSHER &@;/!, SLAPNUTS! Anyway the bacon taste ok on a BLT that I eat in the basement while I play with my dolls and mine craft, and get excited watching lollicon. Anonymous on Sep 14 2013, 18:43

My mom LOVES fiber one bars, she eats at least 2 or 3 a day. And yes she has the worst gas ever. I tried to get her to stop eating them, but she said no. She likes the too much to give them up. The rest of us will just have to suffer. Anonymous on Sep 15 2013, 01:07

I tend not to comment, but I browsed a few of the remarks on %BLOG_TITLE%. I do have 2 questions for you if it's okay. Is it just me or does it look as if like some of the remarks look like they are coming from brain dead people? And, if you are writing at other social sites, I would like to keep up with you.Here Would you make a list of all of all your social networking pages like your twitter feed,

Page 217 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Facebook page or linkedin profile? Anonymous on Sep 15 2013, 09:13

I just looked this up and found this! I am not alone!!! Thank God!! I have been eating this in the morning and by 4pm...watch out!! Gas central!! it's unreal how bad it is. I just put 2 and 2 together and realized it's the cereal DUH Anonymous on Sep 17 2013, 19:02

Thanks for the site. Day two of Kashi-Go-Fart and I put it together. Dropping Bombs on all inhabitants at work and in household! Farted so long and so loud that I damned near peed my pants!!lol Also about asphyxiated myself in the shower. Thanks for the laughs!!! I have found my new cereal! Anonymous on Sep 18 2013, 17:53 so tell us what is so secret that goes on in the temple? and I am glad you got away from that insane cult. I agree with those that question any presidential candidate who would believe that crock it really is exactly like scientology. Anonymous on Sep 19 2013, 09:40

Wow anyone who believes that humans are bound by any "moral" code is stupid. Morals come from society's view of norms. It used to be normal to own slaves, it used to be normal to beat your wife. Basically no one on this damn earth is allowed to tell anyone else what they have to do. Anonymous on Sep 21 2013, 16:51

You are telling truth to the Mormon Say talk about god are jesus they are Lying the don,t me and my husband left they like to put more money in and we side no we are fix income They don,t they take out food money Anonymous on Sep 22 2013, 19:45

THANK GOD I'm not alone in this. I think this stuff had me on the brink of divorce. Letting out a little bitty SBD as my husband made his move was, let's just say, not a good idea. But it's not just the cereal! Their snack bars and frozen meals get to me too...it was the frozen meals I was eating for lunch at work that nearly ended my marriage. (And my co-workers are thankful for my candle warmer in my office.) I'm swearing off all things Kashi for the sake of my marriage. Anonymous on Sep 23 2013, 15:31

Mormon, huh? "Go to hell." What hell, punk ass? Grow up and realize that your "One Answer" is just a ridiculously crafted (but unfortunately apparently believable) way to steal your families money and reward them with the "priesthood" (Which everyone has inside of them but somehow YOU people only think they can use it when some blonde haired blue eyed mother fucker pats their goddamn head) Kill yourself, you fucking cattle. Anonymous on Sep 28 2013, 01:04

I bought a huge box of Fiber One bars from Sams Club a few years back. I ate three bars the first might, because they were so delicious. I went to bed and slept for about 2 hours. From 3am onward, I was on the toilet or rolling around the floor, writhing in pain. I probably went #2 a dozen times over the next 36 hours. I don't even know how there could have been that much food in my body. So I'm at Costco the other day, and find a sale on Kashi cereal. Apprehensive, I bought it and proceeded with caution. The problem is, being a Friday night, I'll have a few beers over the evening. When I drink, I get unnaturally hungry and will consume everything in sight. Sure enough, after eating the leftovers and some chips and a few toner things, I encounter the box of Kashi. My plan, when I bought it, was to have a small bowl and give it a say or two, to see what happens. Of course, having had a few beers, my judgment was bad and I ate 3 giant bowls. I went to bed at 1am, pretty sober and fully expecting to be gassy today. I was way wrong. I woke up at 7am, tired as hell, farting like crazy. My wife hadn't yet woken up so I quietly opened every window in the house. Since 7am, I have had diarrhea 4 times at home and 2 more times at the gym. I feel like I might have passed the last of it by now...but only time will tell. I'm throwing the box away so I don't make another stupid drunken decision. Anonymous on Sep 28 2013, 15:28 if you can defend Islam, you obviously have no understanding of the Quran. Anonymous on Sep 29 2013, 22:57

I take some medication that seems to clog and cork my butthole right up. Sometimes I will go a week are more without taking a crap. I found that eating Nuitra Grain Bars and things help this process out. So I was at Sams Club and they were giving out Fiber One Bars, So I ate the whole thing ( thinking about how I havent taken a crap all week, because I have been outta bars) Man it was good. So I bought a jumbo box of 20 so I could de-clog my butthole. In the next hour after purchasing I ate 4 more ( 5 total ) A few hours later I started farting non stop, thinking I was getting ready to take a monster dump. But it never came that night. So when I woke up I

Page 218 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

ate 3 for breakfast. ( 8 bars in ) I farted the entire day. And I was so bloated my stomach was aching with all the gas. I finally ended up blowing a humongous turd out of my a$$ along with an orchestra of farts on the toilet. Its been about 4 days later, 5 poops later, and Im still ripping ass. My ass h0le and my but cheeks are a little soar from all the wind currents coming out of my anus. Anonymous on Oct 1 2013, 01:12

Wow. I had been having terrible gas for the past couple days and was already diagnosing myself with multiple diseases. But then I remembered saying to my friend,"Is it weird that this is my 3rd bowl of Kashi today?" Anonymous on Oct 1 2013, 20:00

How can you even lump shintoism in with the others, it's not even close to how crazy the Abraham's religions are. Just a belief in energy and spirits in nature, and reverence for nature, family and ancestors. If you've been to Japan you'd understand that in the way it's practiced there are no rigid doctrines or beliefs other than respecting elders. In fact it's compatible with any other religions as shown by the many shinto/Buddhists. Anonymous on Oct 3 2013, 15:44 dude islam and christianty are not in any way the same Anonymous on Oct 6 2013, 23:53

Science EVOLVES, one persons work upon the next. In this way progress is made. Atheist scientist have developed the tools we live by, the tools you are using in this blog. Religion is just delusion. No hard evidence. 10 Commandments? Why didnt god write them on the moon for all to see? Would have ended the argument. Instead, like most religions, the secrets wre told only to them in a remote area. What con. Man made religions to hold sway over others, period. Anonymous on Oct 8 2013, 02:14

Dear Author, Liberals is stupid... That's why they fail to see the humor in your satirical illustration. We Soviet spies refer to them as "useful idiots". Anonymous on Oct 8 2013, 15:33

Hilarious. My own experiments with Aldi's version of Kashi GoLean have found that it takes 8 tablets of Beano prior to eating to counteract the noxious cloud that surrounds me a few hours after breakfast. The recommended dose is 2-3 tablets. Maybe Kashi and Beano should enter into some kind of mutual advertising contract? Anonymous on Oct 11 2013, 18:58

Dumb Asses Anonymous on Oct 14 2013, 15:27

Day 4 of horrible gas...So I looked at what I was eating. Kashi Go Lean every morning so I searched it and BAM! Glad to see I'm not the only one. Anonymous on Oct 17 2013, 15:14

Seriously, these have nothing on similar bars that have maltitol in them. Several years ago, I bought some pancake syrup that was essentially pure maltitol. I had the pleasure of having my stomach sound like armageddon for several hours after my first breakfast experience with it. I was in a training class at my company, with people sitting pretty close to me, and they were looking at me like WTF. I got to the bathroom and my rear was a combination of a putrid hurricane and water cannon. I am certain it could be heard in the very crowded hallway. Seriously, it was LOUD. A few weeks later, I was in the checkout line at my local supermarket, and some guy was buying some sort of low-sugar snack. I told him to check for maltitol. He asked why; I told him "because it will turn your ass into a volcano". He immediately asked the checkout woman to put them aside. So I did my good deed for that month. Anonymous on Oct 18 2013, 14:14

Mormons are incredible douchebags. I live in a state where they are all around. They buy up all of the radio stations turning them all Christian, pretty much every business in town has to be pro-Christian/Mormon or they go out of business, and there's a church every 2 blocks. All of their money comes from conning old people. They have hugely funded legal teams, even scarier than Scientology these days. They have recently attacked Youtube in the past few years with pro-Mormon propaganda videos. "I am a Mormon" bullshit showing paid actors pretending to be good nice Mormons in advertisements that aren't just played occasionally in videos, they are displayed EVERYWHERE on Youtube, so you can't even look at Youtube without seeing something pro-Mormon on it. The Mormon church was founded by Joseph Smith and then continued later by Brigham Young on a concept of "Theodemocracy". This is the theory that our government should be "overthrown and replaced by religion". Look it up on Wikipedia if you don't believe me. I shit you not, they still believe this stuff today but will deny it. Their little mini brainwashing kids walking around in white shirts and ties are called "Elders", which is fucking ridiculous. Little kids have no life experience and can only parrot what their Mormon family tells them to. The church claims being a missionary or "elder" is "voluntary" but this is far from the truth. If somebody is an atheist or Muslim or any kind of non-Mormon in a Mormon family, that person is going to get cut off financially and emotionally forever if they disagree or refuse service. A lot of these assholes have expensive houses and have to follow what their parents do so they don't get cut off. You don't want to be a Mormon like mommy and pappy? Fine, no $500k for you and new Porsche when they die. It goes to the Church instead. These people are seriously evil and want to turn our country into a church state, I shit you not. I live around them

Page 219 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

and hear what they say. This is why Mormons have been kicked out of half the country for the past 150 years and why Joseph Smith was shot after conning everybody in his church group for all of their money and moving on to the next state. A newspaper started to print what Smith was doing and the Mormon Church attacked it. I have been researching these fucks for years and they are seriously scary. They make Scientologists look like cuddly puppies.

Theodemocracy : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theodemocracy Anonymous on Oct 19 2013, 12:55

I have never read any blog or post as angry as this. The writer even disrespects the people that comment on his/her site to an extreme. It's so immature. From the beginning of reading this you can sense the hate & anger by all the adjectives used to describe Gary Spivey or even the people that leave comments. The writer, blogger whatever you wanna call it definitely has personal issues of anger within. It's an "I'm right you're wrong" type of attitude. Kinda like how an adolescent would think and talk. I can't even focus on what I just read because it was overpowered by so much anger by the writer and his/her responses back to the people....shame. I'm sure I will get a nasty reply back but that's expected. How I ended up clicking on THIS site...(hands in the air). Anonymous on Oct 26 2013, 11:16

OMG! These stories are too much and we all can relate. I haven' laughed this hard in years. Seriously, why is this still for sale, can't kashi do something? Anonymous on Oct 28 2013, 21:09

None of you know anything about the lmormons so keep your extremely rude comments to yourself. Anonymous on Nov 6 2013, 00:03

DO NOT mix Fibre 1 with Vess soft drinks! World annihilation by gas will follow 0_0

The extinct dinosaurs had it easy in comparison if they were only hit by a comet or destroyed by climate change. Death by Vess and Fibre 1 gas is inhumane and prolonged. Anonymous on Nov 6 2013, 02:22

The Mormon religion is stupid. I am a born again Christian and i know Mormanism is crap. Christian is not a religion, it is trust. Christianity is trusting Jesus as your savior. That means you trust That Jesus died on the cross for your sins. You got to get saved. That is basically saying a prayer to God, you lord and savior Jesus Christ into your heart.Jesus said ye must be born again. Nicodemos said how? Jesus said not in the flesh but in a spirit, the wind blows you dont know where it comes from or where it goes and it is when the spirit enters you.That is being saved. When the holy spirit is in you, in your heart, lives within you forever.No one can take that away from you. You are assured to go to Heaven for eterinty. You will have everlasting life.It doesnt matter what religion you are it is always good to be saved.I hope i can convert some peope to christianity. Ill post more someother time. Sorry for calling Mormanism crap thats just my opinion. Bye bye Anonymous on Nov 6 2013, 19:06

I just read through this entire thread and laughed until I cried. After three days of extremely painful, thankfully odor free gas, it dawned on me that the likely culprit was the Kashi Go Lean Crunch that I'd bought on sale last week. Later, while Gchatting with my mom, I asked her if Kashi made her gassy, and she said "Yes! And I spent the entire day in the bathroom after I ate it!" I was curious if this was a widespread problem and stumbled upon this gem. I'm almost sad to leave the Gashi Kashi club, but it hurts too much, both to laugh and to poot. My box is going in the trash. Anonymous on Nov 7 2013, 21:16

Tried Kashi once, a month ago, and I think it changed my intestinal flora! Have had gas ever since, and never had a problem before. Wish I had seen this post before I tried it. I'm hoping that this will eventually pass (bad pun.) Anonymous on Nov 14 2013, 17:07

I can't stop. They keep coming. I'm in my office and I keep feeling my stomach dropping into my ass. This is not good. Anonymous on Nov 15 2013, 12:14

Interesting thread with misconceptions regarding two religions I know SOMETHING about. My own, and one I have studied, Mormonism, because I have a family member who has converted to it. And although I would not leave the religion I was raised in, I know enough about what I have studied in the Mormon religion, to comment that the negative comments made in this thread are truly based on a complete lack of knowledge of what they're talking about. Some of it may be a little hard to swallow for some, but are these plates that Joseph Smith found any harder to swallow than the golden tablets that contained the 10 commandments? No. Did the evolution of religion end with ancient times? Not necessarily. You have to read HISTORY about it to find out. Who's to say Jesus didn't appear in the Americas after he died on the cross? There are actually stories of it early religions of South America. You have to read about it to see for yourself. I think religion is still evolving. Sometimes it is difficult to find an answer in a religion. And that's where FAITH comes in. For example, I had a problem with my baby sister who died before she was baptised. In the Catholic religion, that meant she would never be admitted to heaven; she would float around in nothingness called Limbo for eternity. That always bugged the hell out of me. How could God do that to a beautiful tiny child? And that is where the evolution process comes in. Along came Pope Benedict, and made it better. Somehow, he decreed that God never meant for that to be the TRUTH, and poof, Cecilia was in heaven! But if I had had FAITH, I would have known she was always there, from the moment her little heart had stopped beating. So

Page 220 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

It's not what the PEOPLE say,it's what you believe to be the TRUTH. Now About the WIVES. Do you know WHY the Mormons had more that one wife? They didn't start out that way. They didn't even WANT to do it. You could READ about it, in HISTORY, but most people who like to criticize don't do that. You know I was going to explain it, but I feel my words will be wasted. I feel I'll be cursed at, and attacked, and I'm and elderly grandmother with another project to work on right now. I may take you on another day if I feel up to it, but I will leave you with this: Mormons are not scary people. And they are the fastest growing Christian religion in the world. Anonymous on Nov 17 2013, 18:32

Sex isn't that serious. Anonymous on Nov 28 2013, 23:21

I'll stop calling you retarded when you learn how to spell Anonymous on Dec 3 2013, 21:40

I love these bars so fricking much. I just can't sop eating them - particularly the lemon cake ones. I didn't used to be a pootsie person but now I fart so much that my boyfriend said if I were a superhero, I'd be Flatula (flat-CHOO-la, much funnier). My super power, which I already possess, is to 'expel' Gotham's villians with a noxious cloud of gas. Ever wondered where that steamy manhole smoke came from? Flatula's underground lair. Anonymous on Dec 11 2013, 13:13

I just shot watery shit down my pants as I'm running to the bathroom here at work. I only ate 3 now I know the connection. Anonymous on Dec 17 2013, 20:27

U know that that's super rude of you and the Book of Mormon is true.after I read your paragraph I started crying I prayed and I felt the Holy Ghost I know that he is true no matter what you say Jesus gives us agency because he knows we can chose the right saintan will tempt us to make the wrong choices we don't have to follow him I hope that someday u will feel the same way I do and u delete your web page I have a testimony of Christ so I won't allow saintan to take over my spirit keep the word of wisdom by not drinking alcohol or smoking Anonymous on Jan 12 2014, 20:02

Find a sister wife today at and Enjoy Our Poly way of Life! Anonymous on Jan 16 2014, 03:26 dude, prop 8 was the act to ban gay marriage, and it was proposed and funded BY THE MORMON CHURCH!!! This is the problem with fox news, msnbc, and all other radicals trying to pass themselves off as serious news. They create misinformation to control public opinion. If you dont want to be thought of as racist or hillbilly, and want to have your opinion be treated with respect, then educate yourself and have a clue what your talking about. Until you do, your just helping to prove our point. Anonymous on Jan 17 2014, 19:48

I am amazed to know this. I have eaten Kashi Go Lean in past before my pregnancy from time to time with no problems. Bought a box yesterday and ate some before bed and woke up in the middle of the night with the worst gas pains of my life. Excruciating. It was like a migraine in my abdomen. I actually checked to see if I had symptoms of appendicitis, but it just didn't match up. Finally felt better in the morning... Until I ate some more Kashi after work. My pregnancy hasn't started to show yet, but after eating Kashi, it ejanded to make me look like I'm 7 months along. This was when I began to suspect Kashi was the culprit, and this site seems to affirm that suspicion. The thing is, I eat fiber all the time in my daily life with no problems, so the fault isn't due to fiber alone, but something specific to Kashi. Also, in the past, I have never had this reaction to it, but I havnt bought a box in probably 2 years or so. I wonder if they have changed something in their recipe at all? NEVER AGAIN. Anonymous on Jan 17 2014, 21:04

So I've been hurt before by seemingly healthy food. Yes I tragically had a run in with the fiber one bar. That said, this morning I decided to eat a Kashi granola bar for breakfast. My 13 year old daughter had a sleepover the night before and her friends were still asleep in her room across the hall from the bathroom. I WAS TORTURED but there was no way I could fart! I knew from my previous experience with afore mentioned bars, that If I played the bum trumpet after eating this bar, I would positively ruin my daughter's social life. Then a drank a cup of coffee like a fool. The weird part is that it was apparently so traumatic I feel the need to share. This is like a freakin Kashi support group. Well I'm in recovery now. Thank you all for sharing your difficult stories. P.S. I think it's the Chicory. They put it in Fiber One Bars too. Anonymous on Jan 18 2014, 23:11

I ate a bowl of KGLC before I had to teach an 8 hour class....Yup...you guessed it about an hour into the class I started to feel like my sides were going to explode so I let the class take a short break....and then about every 30 min from that moment on another break....needless to say the students were a bit confused to say the least...I guess confused is better than gassed to death....I must say....This is not quite the explosive class I was planning on teaching!! Anonymous on Jan 21 2014, 22:00

Why do you have to pick on retarded people? It is bad enough that they have to go along with this ridiculous religion and all that it requires of them and their families.. AND THEN YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO GO AND PERSECUTE THEM FOR THEIR STUPIDNESS! That's just plain mean

Page 221 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Jan 25 2014, 20:28

I ate 3 fiber one bars I was laying under the covers with my dog who is a miniature D4achshund he usually sleeps under the covers I went to turn over and I pass gas so bad he ran from under the covers and went out to the living room he wouldn't come and sleep with me the rest of the night when I woke up the next day I called his name and he refused to come near me Anonymous on Feb 15 2014, 03:51

I low carbed for the last two months and decided to switch back to a low calorie diet... I purchased a box of these on Friday and promptly consumed two before heading to sleep. I woke up sick to my stomach and puked. Afterwards I sat on the toilet for hours suffering severe pain. The smells coming from me were indescribable. I imagined the final scenes from Shawshank and him crawling through the 500 yards of sewage. This had to be on par with that experience. Needless to say, the pain subsided and I decided to eat a bar today. The same horrible feeling returned and I realized that food poisoning was not the culprit. On the bright side, I have lot two pounds... Anonymous on Feb 16 2014, 11:52

This is hands down the most hilarious comment section of any site I've ever read. I have been eating the caramel nut Fiber One bars for a few weeks now. I thought the gas was from an increase in fruits and veggies. I was at work today and had a bar this morning. I spent the rest if the day clenching my checks together and roaming about the building visiting bathrooms on different floors just to fart. The deceiving part of it is the farts weren't so bad in the beginning, they would show up, not smell, and be gone shortly after. Now there's no mistaking it, they last all damned day, smell like dead skunks on a river bank, and follow up with chunky blasts if what looks like baby shut but smells like prison potties. I swear the smell magnifies onto your clothing for maximum embarrassment. Anonymous on Feb 18 2014, 21:55

Don't like your coworkers? Just leave of full bowl of these out for them >;^] Anonymous on Feb 19 2014, 13:52

It has been proven false that Indians are not related to Jews which is in the Mormon book by Dan evidence there is I'm sure much more that can be proven false I'm sick of my daughter's friends mom asking my child to church I have repeatedly asked her not to do this I wonder if there is any legal ramification for her continuing to do this Anonymous on Feb 23 2014, 08:55

Wow this site is hilarious. My story begins with a fantastic sale at CVS that I could not pass up: 2 boxes for $5!! Naturally, I bought four boxes and went with the succulent caramel oat flavor. I ate one every couple days and didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, but a few days later I found myself in my hotel room with a bad case of the munchies at 2 am. I didn't know about their gasseous powers and so I happily consumed four of them. Oops. I woke up at 7 am farting and I am still farting as I type this (it is about 2:30 now). What's worse is that I'm on a bus from Phoenix to Salt Lake City! I am trying to hold them in but it hurts and I am letting one out about every 10-15 mins. Sorry everybody... Anonymous on Feb 24 2014, 16:32

Still guessing Anonymous on Feb 24 2014, 23:38

Let me say that the reason they do all those things Elder, Temples...ect you get the point. Is probably because they believe in their religion more then anyone else. By living by Mormans you would be surprised by how many things they do for their church and then you have to ask yourself if all the other churches are true (the church you believe in) then why isn't my church doing that. Mormans obviously have a firm testimony of what they believe in and are ready to defend it. (Previous posts) Anonymous on Feb 27 2014, 19:45

I live in Utah, I was born into a mormon family, raised a mormon. I am a straight white 19 year old male, so as stereotypical as possible right? I am also and atheist, I have no interest in religion, I have had it shoved upon me my whole life and I got sick of it. I happen to think that for the most part, religious people are arrogant, and uneducated. I also hate shoving what I believe on others, if I did, like most Atheists do, I'm just as much of an asshole as everyone I complain about. Now to my main point, Your comment was intelligent, well structured, and you don't sound like an asshole. I Really don't know the specifics of homosexuality, which you seem to, but I don't think its a question of whether or not its choice, I don't think it matters, to me its a matter of do we really have the right to tell them how to live their lives? Why would they have be treated different legally from heterosexual couples? I'm sorry I'm rambling, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your opinion correctly. Anonymous on Mar 5 2014, 13:41

These things give me farts that wake me up in the middle of the night and wake my wife up... These things have made me blow ass so hard...it's not even funny

Anonymous on Mar 5 2014, 15:44

I bought a box of these bad boys at Wal-Mart after years of forking out big bucks for the 'nutrition bars' located in the pharmacy department. Never one to exercise much self control, I ate a box of these in two days. Without a doubt, these bars are the result of

Page 222 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

some twisted CIA Black-Opts experiment that made it to market. On Day Two, the real action began with explosive diarrhea - not unlike the water cannon at Six Flags. Farts have been non-stop - and so have the bowel movements. Day and night. I had to pick up an oil filter for my car at AutoZone. I walked into the store while talking to a coworker on my cellphone, and absentmindedly let one rip. The guy at the counter was talking to a couple of customers (man and woman) and when they heard my report, the man spun around and looked startled - like I was about to rob the place. The guy behind the counter said: "Damn man! Don't shit on us!" as he threw a role of paper towels towards me. True story. Anonymous on Mar 5 2014, 18:11

So What I'm wondering is if he helped anyone find a lost ring? I have a lost ring. I can't freaking find it anywhere! 101.3 claims he's that good. That he'll help U find it. Anonymous on Mar 7 2014, 21:23

I started eating Kashi Go Lean Farts. I thought I was making a great choice in helping me maintain weight. Oh, it helps maintain weight. It also clears the room so bad that even my shepherd won't come near me after eating that stuff. I get so bloated and then wind up farting the loudest and SMELLIEST farts in existence! Then the diarrhea comes here and there. That's always a blast. You can never be sure if a hot fart is going to be just a fart or something more, so I stay near the toilet. So you might be able to pull off eating a pan of cupcakes and Kashi Go Lean Crunch all in one sitting because it's all going to come out FAST anyways. I doubt any calories can even be absorbed! BTW- I'm lactose intolerant and drink soy milk on a regular basis with no reaction. Add kashi cereal and BOOM, farting alllllll day and NIGHT long. Anonymous on Mar 15 2014, 12:29

I am one. I was baptized a Mormon a few years ago and the day I did, the local lottery numbers came up my boys birthdays. If that isn't fun enough the numbers are 9911. Fun. You could say, I suppose...that it is because my joining this faith is a dire emergency. I have an entirely different take. I was raped. I was pregnant with a boy at fifteen who happens to be of Jewish descent on his father's side. I gave birth to my rape baby and raised him. He was born on 9/11. He's grown now. He is native American in part, as am I. I was raped a few years ago.this man flashed the bible at me (among other things) and laughed at my Mormon and called me a polygamist. Somehow that justified the rape in hs mind. He also pretended to be my Obama, although I don't feel entirely like Mitt from that encounter. That's two rapes in my life thus far, when the average woman the chance is one in four. I believe I'm exactly the kind of woman Jesus shows up for. He is with me, and I am with them. Generally, rape has been a problem for me without the Mormons. I've started emailing every congressman about their inability to enforce laws. I'm in the "c" last name senators. I'm a little angry about the lack of enforcement in ths place of hate. My rapes never have been prosecuted. These stupid blogs are not helpful also. Incidentally, Joseph smith suffered the same as me. It wasn't people with guns did in my prophet, it was lawless people who did a Jesus Christ all over him and marked him and same right here. The lawless and the cowards and in the end, I kow you'll meet God and be bowed down for your rape and hate. And if nothing else it will be your own children raped which I am struggling so hard to prevent. if I had no other motivation for seeking this justice out, it would be that my one other son was born on mother's day. I was baptized into the reformed church at 12 on mother's day. So it makes me feel extra maternal, even towards your own children. If you want a good argument that still includes God, you could always say that my first baptism was not an offense to God (as Joseph Smith claimed) because it's marked by my son and it was a very special holiday. I have a response to it but it's a pretty powerful argument that does not remove God. I guess I could give you a seek Jesus type lesson in all of that. Why bother? Not everyone is for God and it is prophesied so. Fall away. Be a rapist. Beat me up. I'm only trying to rescue your children. Try and answer God for that. I'm sad for most people. Truly. Anonymous on Mar 16 2014, 21:27

I mean you guys can say all that you want I don't care my parents gave me the choose to pick my religion and as sad as it is to hear all of your underlying stupid comments I would just like to say that just because you guys believe in something different doesn't mean that your best friend could be any if the religions you dislike you don't have to listen but I dare you to ask all of your friends their religion if one if them says catholic or Mormon you better think twice for you say something like this again! Talk back I don't care but what your starting is a War!!! Andy.M Anonymous on Mar 17 2014, 19:34

MORMONS R STUPID, ANYONE WHO DISAGREES R JUST AS STUPID

Anonymous on Mar 18 2014, 18:22

You are totally fucking retarded. You should be euthanized. Anonymous on Mar 20 2014, 03:19

EVERYBODY REPENT, REPENT YOUR SIN'S AGAINST THE SON OF GOD!!! Anonymous on Mar 26 2014, 22:43 you are mean .making fun of mormons,the church of Jesus Christ of later day sants is true. i hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeee you . what a mean person. Anonymous on Mar 28 2014, 12:54

Very Gasssssssssssss Anonymous on Mar 28 2014, 17:56

Page 223 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

I bought this bacon. It is too thin and stretches to about 14 inches while trying to pry it out of the container. It took forever to cook, but, I cooked it according to directions. It did not have a bad flavor. It should be thicker. I will not buy again as it takes twice as much for two people to cook. Anonymous on Apr 2 2014, 13:59

FML I'm in the same boat... Its so good, I'm still debating if all this harm is worth it and dreaming of my next bowl.... And bowel.... Are we sure they haven't added crack? Kashi Crack. My poor husband, dog, colleagues and whole. Anonymous on Apr 5 2014, 22:54

Terrible terrible terrible....had one of these bars today and boy what a mistake. When my mom came home from work she asked of the dog crapped in the house while we were out..when I replied no she insisted he crapped somewhere behind the couch.....I have a 100lb dog not to mention. Disgusting, my ass is on fire. Anonymous on Apr 8 2014, 21:18

Wow! I just Googled Kashi Go Lean cereal gas, and this post came up. I started eating it yesterday, because the supermarket was out of my usual cereal, and what a BLAST yesterday and today have been. I eat breakfast at 8am, and by 11am I am seriously bloated, and doing HUGE farts. Last night I couldn't get to sleep because of the wind I was still having into the evening. This stuff is evil (my husband can attest). I am a really healthy eater, and always have a lot of fiber, so is that problem? It cannot be lactose, because I have my cereal with almond milk. I'm in SO MUCH PAIN right now, it's not funny!! The rest of the box is going in the bin; what a shame Anonymous on Apr 11 2014, 14:55

If I could, I'd press a button to end the lives of all Mormons. I was baptized, and would give my own life as a price. These adults lied to me, they omitted valid arguments against what they professed. Because of this, I hate them. I will always hate them and will impede them wherever I am. If I got the opportunity, I would kill them... I would kill them all. Anonymous on Apr 13 2014, 00:34

Its always harsh to rag on people with religion but I guess its just so easy sometimes. Anonymous on Apr 13 2014, 10:06 omg. i farted so bad. ive been farting since 7am and almost 3 am. I will never eat this brownies from hell again, i have craps and gas and smelly ass gas and some diareeah my but burns. LMAO i was in the car with my boyfriend, a small truck and i dropped one right, then he thought it was the smell from the city of the gutter, he's like uuuuugggh do you smell that. and I looked at him with eyes of guilt! he's all that was you! WAS THAT YOU!!! and i was so embarrassed and bursted into laughter. Im like i'm so sorry!! its the fiber bars! he rolled down the window, and then what did I do? I FARTED AGAIN!! fCK! lol... im still FARTING! Anonymous on Apr 14 2014, 05:58 http://chriskresser.com/harmful-or-harmless-carrageenan Nobody's talking about this harmful additive. It's got the same affect as the artificial sweeteners that aren't digestable. Causes BAD gas. Guys, it's not ONLY the fiber its the harmful additives companies are hiding in foods. Anonymous on Apr 15 2014, 11:49

Omg, I have tears streaming down my face reading the comments section of this blog. Its hilarious because its true. My mom bought a supersized box of these at Sams Club. They are yummy, so myself and my husband gobbled them up. Mistake, mistake, error. I had so much gas that I couldn't really run my errands or do much of anything because the gas was so violent, I thought it would lead to sharting (which, I see it in fact, did for many of you). Fast forward to today: Late night munchies, I gobbled up 2 very quickly. You guessed it, gas bad enough to blow out your lower back. I mean the rumbles of these farts are enough to crack a pelvis. I farted so loud, I woke the baby! An actual fart. woke. the. baby. So I then specifically googled "Fiber One Bars Gas" and saw many, many articles, and blogs but this one is by far the funniest. You know its bad when The Google search auto-filled in to "Fiber One Bars Gas" after only typing "Fiber+One". I mean, these posts go back years!! C'mon General Mills, this can't just be chicory root. I could write more but.. the baby IS awake now. Anonymous on Apr 16 2014, 02:31

Ive never been part of the mormon religion and never would be I am catholic born and raised catholic presby I hate the mormon rek ligion I think it is a cult made up of a bunch of lazy pigs Anonymous on Apr 17 2014, 07:21

Did you proof read the shit you wrote. Wtf Anonymous on Apr 18 2014, 09:48

Dad died in Febrary 2014. I guess he ate too much bacoon during p assover, shaloam. Anonymous on Apr 18 2014, 10:15

Page 224 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

"What the heck is wrong with me today?" "What did I eat?" Rumination pointed to the sole possibility: Kashi GoLEAN Crisp! Toasted Berry Crumble. I googled Kashi Go Lean and before I could hit return my browser helped out by auto-filling my choices: "gas" "flatulence" "farts" or "makes me fart." I knew I was on the right track, so here I am at this site with other Kashi-tters. I further discovered that Kashi owns up to being the cause of fartus-maximus, blaming (crediting?) it on the chicory root fiber. Good news is I didn't know I had any musical ability until I started playing the butt-trumpet today; my soloing was melodious. There was once a famous entertainer named "Le Pétomane" who made lots of money farting, so it seems I've got that new possibility in my future. Anonymous on Apr 21 2014, 17:46 anyone who believes what is written on this site is delusional person. all religions have their weird beliefs, horrible histories, etc. there is a baptist church in texas that teaches and practices racism against any one who is not white, there are the snake churches, there are the t.v. preachers who con poor people out of money, do not forget the catholic little boy loving priests and that cover up, the secret world of the majority of the well known (and lesser known)preachers/ministers of every Christian religion who are secretly homosexual while condemning it and using drugs and prostitutes and running sex rings and having affairs with members of their congregations and mob ties and on and on and on. to condemn just the mormons shows your ignorance and stupidity. for someone to say they would kill all mormons is a legitimate threat. someone could alert the authorities and track you down, after all who knows what you would actually do. you need to be put away in a mental institution. all kids parrot what their parents say, regardless of the topic. all the people who commented here are full of crap because the same could be said of what you believe. and try to prove God does not exist. Anonymous on Apr 23 2014, 18:55

IF YOU BELIEVE IN ONE LIVING 'GOD' , 'GOD' OF "ABRAHAM (A)" THEN YOUR RELIGION DOES NOT MATTER, NEVER THE LESS, I WENT THROUGH THE ENTIRE TRAINING AT THE MORMON CHURCH, ON THE SCHEDULED DAY OF MY BATISM, IN FRONT OF MY EYES, MY FRIEND MADE AN ANONIMOUS PHONE CALL AND TOLD THE MORMON CHURCH THAT MY ONLY INCOME WAS A CHECK FROM THE GOVERNMENT, THEY CAME BY ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AND TOLD ME THAT THEY HAD A CHANGE OF MIND AND "FOR MY OWN GOOD", THEY WILL NOT BAPTIZE ME, SO NO MONEY, NO MORMONISM...!!! Anonymous on Apr 23 2014, 20:26 wow dude seriously, what are we animals or something. So you think it is normal to kill another human being just because in your eyes morals were invented by society. You're practically saying we should all behave like animals and mate with whomever we want. So its ok to mate with a family member? because according to you morals don't exist and we should do whatever the hell we want. And another thing stop insulting people for what they believe. Just because you have a way of thinking doesn't give you the right to bring someone down. That just shows how ignorant and uneducated you are. Anonymous on Apr 26 2014, 01:09

So not true I have been going to that church 4 3 months and the Mormom church does anythung 4 u if u don't like it bad 4 u but they r good people and their church is true!!!!!!! If u want comments do u see people posting comment about your church from millions of people !!!!!!but if you think this church is not true you are the wrong person here you have your own beliefs but this church is true and if you can talk smack on the Internet you might as well go to the Mormon Church and say to their faces but if you can't say it 2 there faces then don't bother posting negative things on the internet about the Mormon Church!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Apr 26 2014, 07:26

My mother-in-law gave me a box of fiber one bars. I put two bars in my lunch box and took them to work the next day. They gave me the most explosive and uncontrollable farts ever. I was having to hide and fart ALL day. They were too powerful to hold in. I will never eat those bars again! Anonymous on Apr 26 2014, 16:35

CUNT CUNT CUNT KILL YOURSELF FUCKWAD, YOUR BISHOP RAPED MY MOTHER FUCKING CUNT!! Anonymous on Apr 27 2014, 05:00

Okay. I had no idea that this was of epidemic proportions. I got hooked on fiber one bars (lemon), about a month ago. Took them to work for breakfast every morning. I teach nutrition to families with infants and toddlers, and my office is small. I couldn't even clean my toys w/o farting 6 times. I had to spray concentrated room spray every time I turned around for fear that a coworker would come chat, and trust me...I couldn't have lied and said the smell was from a dirty diaper...more like a dead body in my closet. I also farted so much that I had to scoot things around to make squeeky noises so they would think they didn't hear a fart. And the worst part is that I hurt so bad, that I thought I has a tumor or bleeding ulcer or something. Was about to call a GI doctor. 3 days w/o them, and I'm fine! Whewww! Anonymous on Apr 27 2014, 15:10

I ate two of the fiber bars for dinner lastnight. Holy cow I woke up in my sleep farting. They are long and so smelly! I had a final at school this am and had to stick toilet paper in my ass crack to make sure I didn't shart! I will NEVER eat these again! Anonymous on May 2 2014, 11:06

I was working at a convention and could not step away to pass gas. My poor outfit started looking two sizes too small. When I was finally able to get away, my booty didn't make it to the restroom. With every step I took, it was like the Army "your left, your left, your

Page 225 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

left right left" When I finally made it to the restroom I tried jumping up and down while I was in the stall in hopes that gravity would help me get the rest out before I got back. I got rid of some but it was the same thing over again. My stomach gurgling and my belt tightening. I love Kashi and refuse to give it up so I've timed it and it takes approximately 7 hours for me to start. So now I eat it on Friday and Saturday nights Anonymous on May 10 2014, 11:44

Mountain meadow massacre First victim murdered by john d lee brighams hit man John d lee was a child, shot in the back while sitting down to breakfast with her family. The reason for the murders was greed. The group from Arkansas was wealthy. Seperate yourself from what they tell you and compare to actual history. GET OUT NOW . Anonymous on May 12 2014, 23:36

This case has bothered me for quite some time. I am not sure what to believe. What I do know is that Darrel sits on the prayer team at Eaglebrook church in Lino Lakes and changes lives with God's help. If the church trust him to be around children since they do background checks, shouldn't we trust him too and give him the benefit of the doubt? Would a man who is a molester take the time to pray for others in need if he needs help himself? Is his daughter or ex wife simply trying to be vindictive. I hope your website is not dedicated to defaming people's character without proof. This is a tough one to swallow. Anonymous on May 22 2014, 12:26

It's either nature or nurture - Either he did something really bad to his family to the point that the allegations are true, or he did something so bad to his family that they would make up horrible things about him... That is the nurture side of things. The nature theory (and the only other one available) is that he passed on some horrible genetic mental-illness gene to his kids that would make them lying psychopaths. And no, it does not surprise me that he is an active church member and that he prays. A lot of really bad people even make their living praying and helping others. There is nothing magical a church can do keep someone with nefarious intentions from putting on a suit, passing around an offering tray, and otherwise going out of their way so the whole World will see them as something they are not. I am not saying this is necessarily true in this case, but being a church-goer adds zero to your credibility this day in age. Anonymous on May 22 2014, 23:26

Mormons are fucking evil they killed. My son and destroyed my family my home they are not of God the docters in this town won't even treat me I am shunned and outcast .is there no Lawys to proteck people from them they are teaching in public schools turning children against there parents thes people laugh at destroying someone if you not part of them they will try to kill you .isolate a person for purshment I know I have been for28years please stay away from them they are straight from hell Anonymous on May 24 2014, 16:25

Fuck the Mormons the rotten prices of evil shit deviel worshiping freaks you destroyed my family killed my son my the real God Almighty blow off the face of the earth.you are a very nasty to highest degree enjoy your time here because this is all you get you evil freaks fuck you Anonymous on May 25 2014, 22:37

Hey you freak Mormons tape this you evil fucks and show to everyone Fuck You ÃŽ am not afraid of you I ready to die now that you have taking everything turned my kids against me Fuck you the pain you people cause is straight out of hell i just an old woman bring your gang just to take down an old woman you fucking cowards .fuck you and once again Fuck you Anonymous on May 25 2014, 22:50

Fuck you Mormons losing thives I know you liers Istill alive fuckers iI don't for how much longer .how many people have you bastards killed .don't let these mother fuckers fool you they will turn your own family against you.even to the point of murder fucking murders Anonymous on May 26 2014, 21:59

My daughter told me they act like a laxative. I didn't believe her. I found this blog tonight after eating one a Fiber One bar and having bad gas as a result. Anonymous on May 30 2014, 00:57

Kind bars are no walk in the rose garden either my flatulent friends. I am just now coming down from a 6 hour "gas trip" that has my insides feeling like I swallowed a basketball that had a concrete lining ON BOTH THE interior and exterior. Holy moly..here is a wild concept can somebody please make a bar that does not feel like you ass is about to freaking EXPLODE !! Anonymous on Jun 3 2014, 17:11

Sadly the video is private so some of us farters can't see the farty goodness Anonymous on Jun 8 2014, 01:54

What a fucking turd you are. Too bad your mother wasn't crushed to death before she gave birth to a piece of shit like you. Anonymous on Jun 10 2014, 15:14

Another idiot. Anonymous on Jun 10 2014, 15:15

Page 226 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Wake up. You seriously think that the Mormons will save you even tho law and order couldn't. Nothing can save you from the evils of the world. The only thing that you need in your life is faith and wisdom. Not a ignorance on golden plates and some guy who had visions that spit in God's face and degraded his good people. I'm not for killing Mormons but it's obvious that if you invoke the wraith of God then your going to get the wraithof God.... Example: your great leader stabbed to death in a prison after a mob gathered outside . Might not say that's Christian but that's what happens when you taunt God. History repeats itself. Do yourself a favor and get your child out of that religion asap your relgion is destroying family's across the world causing parents to reject there kids because one day they say hey this relgion makes no since at all I'm going to do my own thing. Your kids were brought to earth to enjoy the blessing of God , not to be submitted to your relgion as you were submitted to rape. Mormonism is rape. Anonymous on Jun 12 2014, 00:53

Fiber One bars truly are a weapon of ass destruction! Anonymous on Jun 17 2014, 22:57

My first encounter with Satan’s snack bar was about a year ago. I bought a box at BJs with my mother. They looked absolutely delicious. I took one of the boxes to work with me… Not well versed in the aftermath with Fiber One I had not one but two since it was so delicious. Nothing could prepare me for the ass ripping and roaring time I was about to have. AND NOTHING would prepare me for all of the prayers I was about to eat while bent over in pain. Hades himself seemed to have pranked me. Not only did I feel the death of my asshole drawing near I was practically semi-dragging myself on the damn floor. Worse part? I was at work. I had to smile at my supervisor talking to me about work while demons of a fiber bar ripped out my insides and came out my ass. Try keeping a normal face while semi doubled over with a fake smile plastered on to avoid any questions. The bathroom is shared at work so guess what? Now I had to have sitting wars with other ladies that came to take a shit and didn’t want to because I was there and vice versa. I don’t know what was harder, the sitting shitting wars (fighting other women to take a shit in peace and let the farts rip freely) or training my ass to go special agent: silent and deadly. I clenched my ass checks so hard and slowly trained the farts to come out silently which was about as hard as two monkeys not flinging shit at each other. My ass cheeks were so taut and tired when I got home it seemed like I did butt did squats for days on end and I grew a bigger ass but my ass hole hated me. This brings me to today. As I sit here typing this I’m fighting the Fiber One Farts of HELL. I ended up buying the cereal to add more fiber (I’ve been taking Iron to raise my blood count and with Iron comes constipation) I THOUGHT I was playing it smart and that I learned my lesson. I ONLY had the serving size recommended and since it was the cereal I figured I wouldn’t encounter it as much. That was this morning… it’s an hour before I go home and I’m fighting severe cramping and silent farts that whisper in my panties (because now I’m highly trained) and CAN’T believe I’m dealing with symptoms again! I could take a box of laxatives and not have Hiroshima recreating itself out of my ass! What is in these damn FIBER ONES?! So good it hurts! The worse of it is the shits – they are spaced out with air pockets. I shit a little pellet out like a rabbit and the next I know I’m blowing wind like the tropics, and then rocket propel another pellet into the bowl of water. Seriously, WTF???? I googled the side effects because honestly if this doesn’t feel like death through the rectum I don’t know what does and I’m sorta glad I’m not alone! I have to say I’m laughing at everyone else’s stories so I figured why not share mine. The laughter of typing this is like therapy but every once in a while I have to stop and concentrate on farting… SUPER SUPER ANNOYING lololol Hope you get a kick out of this anyway. If anything I’ve learned it’s this: my rectum is a highly trained weapon and is stronger than ever thanks to Fiber One training HOWEVER death is most certainly imminent… I’m afraid in one of these farts I’ll shit my insides out… and then what? Never again… I’m giving up that shit inducing brand. Signed, Your fellow sister in the shits. Anonymous on Jun 18 2014, 16:14 oh... I guess I should pray to know that god endorses your religion just as strongly as a salafi muslim knows that Allah endorses theirs. Anonymous on Jun 19 2014, 07:06

These comments really stink. All of you are being really crappy about this. First, it is my doodie to let you know you are full of hot air. And #2, at least with summer we definitely expect a warm breeze. I really gotta go...making dinner and need to work on cutting the cheese. On my way there, I need to be careful to not step on a duck. Sincerely, (The)John from The Windy City Anonymous on Jun 19 2014, 16:13

Ate two of these for breakfast last week. Later that day, while walking to grab some lunch, I surprised myself with a sneeze. The fart that shot out of me set off a car alarm. And that was just the beginning. I got back to the office, dazed and limping, and suddenly felt the next phase descending from my stomach. I ran to the bathroom--LOCKED. I ran to the public bathroom--FULL OF PEOPLE. Finally, in desperation, I just burst into the stairwell, grabbed my ankles, said a prayer, and ripped a symphonic fart that sounded like a train derailment. Anonymous on Jun 23 2014, 16:17

I just want to thank everyone who still continues to chronicle their misadventures with FOBs. I had my own personal experience as well and feel everyone should experience the curse of the FOB -- so they can tell their grandchildren, and then that generation can tell their grandchildren... so on and so on. Because despite 5+ years of innocent victims being seduced by the sweet appearance of a box of FOBs, and despite the grave warnings of family and friends, it is clear we all love some good ol' fashioned self-punishment now and again. Totally worth the laughs. Take care and don't eat the FOBs!! Anonymous on Jun 26 2014, 16:46

Page 227 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

This thread is so fucking funny. I nearly laughed myself off the sofa. The emotion and raw opinion entwined with spiritual people's obviously piqued responses is comedy fucking gold, my friends. I'm watching a program on telly about Mormons at the moment. I've got to read this book. Whoever this dude Joseph Smith is, he's got to be THE original hustler. Speaking of Gold Tablets, I must take my medication. It keeps me sane in this crazed paradoxical world. Anonymous on Jun 26 2014, 17:35

Fucking idiot Anonymous on Jul 5 2014, 16:40

Hey stonedJim You are much better off smoking weed than reading the book of Mormon. It is better for your health. Take your meds and forget you ever had that thought. Mormons don't even read that book! I like how mormons compare themselves to the other batshit religions in an attempt to justify their own existence. All religion is insane but mormons deserve their special place in the fantasy fucked up world of religion. They call that place the "Celestial Kingdom". Anonymous on Jul 7 2014, 00:06

How is it possible that this thread has been around since 2007 and we've all been incredibly bloated and stuck in the bathroom for 7 years???? Is the chicory root the real reason that Kashi Go Lean both tastes so good and makes us evacuate our bowels? I had to train someone at work today and I kept saying that it was my stomach growling because I was hungry (it obviously doesn't sound like hunger pains - embarrassing!). And it's not like I didn't know this was going to happen because I did it to myself last year. And frankly, Im gonna eat it tonight too. Anonymous on Jul 18 2014, 22:59 http://youtu.be/7TMPAnlk_F4 The dreaded Fiber One Soft Cookies in stores now Anonymous on Jul 19 2014, 09:34 worst bacon i ever had wont buy it again Anonymous on Jul 19 2014, 23:43

YOU INSENSITIVE IDIOT!!! YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A MORMON CHURCH IN YOUR LIFE!!! THEY WOULD NEVER TURN THEY'RE BACK ON SOMEONE WHO COULD BE SAVED!!! WE ARE BOT SELF ABSORBED!!! WE BELIEVE IN THE EXACT SAME STUFF EVERYONE ELSE DOES!!! WE ARE NO DIFFRENT!!! AND THERE IS NO TRAINING!!! AND WHOEVER WROTE THIS IS AN ANIMAL WITH NO HEART!!! Anonymous on Jul 21 2014, 04:17

We bought some of this bacon because it looked good in the package. I was in the living room when my wife started frying some. I smelled this "stinky" smell and ask her what are you cooking? It smelled like it was from a boar hog that was not dressed correctly. She seasoned a nice pot of green beans with the bacon and we had to throw the entire pot out. Stunk and tasted so bad we couldn't eat it. I'll never buy this crap again. Anonymous on Jul 23 2014, 13:35

So I have been reading these messages and I too have realized it was the bars from hell. My mom bought them for and after school snack at the library and let me say these bars will make you the talk of the town especially when ur in a quite place like the library. I was no so humiliated in my intire life. Let me just say I will never be eating another one in my life. Anonymous on Jul 26 2014, 23:16

I'm personally a fan of this game I play it all the time it make me feel better much!! Relieves stress.. I love this game. I'm also 13 been doing it since I was 10 I'm not dead? Anonymous on Jul 28 2014, 15:15

I love this page. thank you for the poetry, everyone. Anonymous on Jul 29 2014, 14:49

TK, how can you complain about anti-gay bigotry when you used words like "pickle-kissing ass ramming shithead" in your post? Those sounds like anti-gay words to me. What's wrong with "pickle" kissing? Or ass ramming? Check yourself. Anonymous on Aug 8 2014, 17:53

At first, I thought, "What, is this guy seriously telling kids how to play this so-called game?" Then, I realized he wrote it as a scare tactic, to make kids NOT want to play this 'game' best left to sons if terrorists. As for the idiot, telling parents that they're not decent, if they don't keep their children from finding sites like this: Are you a complete moron? And remember, I'm American, so in your own words, I have Freedom of Speech. Kids can find their way past internet safeguards easier than I can see past your false bravado. And fyi, Mister Man, this page isn't flagged for it's content. But, you're right. A decent parent would know the content of each and every site their teenage kid visits on the net. I sure as hell know that my own 16 yr old, rebellious son would have no problem with me standing over his shoulder while he's surfing even 'safe' sites like this one. That's American Sarcasm, dick. Anonymous on Aug 11 2014, 23:33

Page 228 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Why don't you just tell him that the choking game is fun and then teach him exactly how to do it, like you did in your other blog that's directed at CHILDREN... you hypocritical criminal?! Anonymous on Aug 11 2014, 23:39

The first time I ate a bar it hit me out of nowhere. It was devastating. I fart all day anyways but the farts from this bar are like no other. It's my third week on the job and there may be people questioning why I've gone to the bathroom for extended periods of time 7-10 times a day. It's not fun. It actually hurts the stomach if you have to keep them in. On the toilet it can sound like anything. Machine gun fire, creaky stairs, a whoopie cushion, grandma's farts, etc IT DOESNT STOP. Eventually you start to kind of deal with it but it's not pleasant. As good as those damn bars are i think I'm done. Anonymous on Aug 13 2014, 01:07 i grew up in utah. more than one of your bishops offered to suck my cock when i was only 11 years old. fast forward 40 years and there is still mormon bishops cruising around at night looking for young guys while thier wives stay at home and wonder if he is truly a latter day saint. you fuckers gotta lotta balls calling yourselfs saints. want a war? u mormons are pussies and assholes Anonymous on Aug 15 2014, 20:18

I'm sorry but my english is not very well, i am brazilian, and believe, fiber one make victims overseas! I bought some of this bars in a importation store in São Paulo. I never ate nothing equal this, is delicious and beautifull bar, but the consequences ARE AWNFUL! I let one fart on the restaurnt where i work, for my luck, was full of people and i made a serious face, blaming with the eyes a fat lady. I not recommend to eat one single bar! Believe! I huge from Brazil, Beijos. Anonymous on Aug 22 2014, 06:39

Mormons are still around? I thought they all killed themselves to get on the spaceship following the comet. Don't they wear purple Nike sneakers? Anonymous on Aug 25 2014, 22:13

I laughed so hard at fetus cake. Omg. That is the funniest thing I've heard in some years. Thanks for that. Anonymous on Aug 26 2014, 01:31

Oh my son had some and I ate one. I have been blowing a gasket for hours and cramping. These post are so funny and true I have been laughing foo hard crying tear. Anonymous on Aug 27 2014, 21:20

I recently started having explosively LOUD farts. No smell though, just massive quantities of ass air. They will start and keep going for hours. I was sitting in the tub with the shower on relaxing, when all of the sudden, BURRRPPTTT. This fart was so powerful that it actually shot a little bit of water out from under me. I was laughing uncontrollably..... by myself...in the shower. I thought that I was becoming lactose intolerant. I started to wonder what might have caused this, what was new in my diet. Sure enough, I Googled kashi go lean and google suggested the word gas afterwards. Bingo! I found this site, and now I no longer feel alone. Seriously though, if you want to prank someone....give them kashi. What the hell. Even beans don't make my ass rip this uncontrollably. Cereal tastes amazing, but it comes with a price. One which is hilarious. Anonymous on Sep 6 2014, 00:34

Didn't read any of this however believe the Mormon mentality should be stopped. wherever I see it I try to intervene, it should be stopped. Anonymous on Sep 7 2014, 21:11

GoLean is bad, but so is sugar free Gummi Bears. Those bad boys will light you up. Anonymous on Sep 9 2014, 20:37

You can't even spell "Anonymous" and fail to sound somewhat educated so I'm doubting your credibility. Anonymous on Sep 25 2014, 17:31 u my good sir can be a fudge paking homo Anonymous on Sep 27 2014, 23:48 u fking idiotic retards, so ugly Anonymous on Sep 28 2014, 18:12 fku, idiotic retarded web creator Anonymous on Sep 28 2014, 18:13

As a child of the 60's and who has searched for my spiritual self, I suggest that you need to embrace your inner self and rejoice with

Page 229 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

those who have discovered their organic side. However, I offer a suggestion that caution should be taken when used around open flame, plants, animals or others who might not want to share your discovery. As a teenager I remember releasing gas that wilted house plants. I was so proud when even the dog left the room. Anonymous on Sep 30 2014, 08:45

I just attempted to eat this sorry excuse for bacon this morning. I wish I'd found your blog earlier and avoided stinking up my home for no good reason. Thanks for the laugh, it eased my buyers remorse. However my dog thoroughly enjoyed it. Maybe they should package it as dog food? Anonymous on Oct 2 2014, 11:11

Me too haha. That stupid fucking show was on with the multiple Mormon families, disgusting. Those people are a disease to society. I wouldn't say retarded, well maybe their women. The men just want to fuck a different woman every night, its actually kind of genius. Marry multiple women sleep with all of them and pollute the overpopulated world with your completely fucked up offspring. Why fucked up?? Because they are being raised moron. Oh shit I mis typed too hope I'm not turning Mormon. The women are hilarious to let their husbands do that. Haha no thanks fuck you Mormons stop reproducing, this works is already over full of retards Anonymous on Oct 5 2014, 05:15

Being the new girl in school I probably should have avoided buying these because they aren't exactly helping me make friends..never again will these delicious bars enter my home. Anonymous on Oct 17 2014, 12:25

If you have Facebook, you could always join fart groups, eat fiber one bars, and fart all the time to your hearts content. Those delicious bars are to be praised, not frowned upon. Anonymous on Oct 18 2014, 00:33

I dare you all to try the Fiber one brownies and try to stop. Those are so delicious, I ate 2 boxes, I think in one day. After eating so many brownies, I emptied out so quickly, it's not even funny. PS I have Autism, so I tend to fart more frequently than the average person, so watch out, when I have Fiber one bars or brownies. Anonymous on Oct 19 2014, 22:56

Mormonism is an idiotic religion. Anonymous on Oct 20 2014, 17:06

Mormonism is van idiotic religion. Anonymous on Oct 20 2014, 17:14

No narcissist ranting mron I don't realize it is fake, to shorten your stupid childish rant, the rest of which I ignored after that, as you're obviously a moron who argues without listening and craves attention and nothing else. Here stupid ignoramus: http://eternian.wordpress.com/evidence Unlike you, I don't rant, don't waste time with foul language like an immature kid who can't grow up and thinks anger makes him right. "But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, as you know they only breed quarrels." - The apostle Paul, correcting your stupid airheaded mindless self. Anonymous on Oct 27 2014, 18:42

I call these things "Fart Bars" for reasons I am sure everyone knows. I can eat a fart bar with my lunch and a few hours later I am so bloated and gassy that I am afraid to go anywhere. I had no idea how much wind could be trapped in your intestines... and the smell is horrid. My poor husband has to deal with the stench constantly. If I am not in the mood for intimacy, I do know for certain that a fart bar can cure his desires instantly! Anonymous on Oct 29 2014, 00:45

How the fuck would you know if the man who raped you is jewish. Was he all like alla kabar im a dirty jew now im going to stick my penis in you. Bitch you are fucking retarded, Anonymous on Oct 29 2014, 17:57

Complete idiot! We have blessed many lives and you say were retarded!? Flippin idiot! Anonymous on Nov 2 2014, 16:48

I eat clean, about 90% of the time. I made the mistake of eating two of the 90 calorie fiber bars in one day. OMG the rumbling and uncontrolled gas releases at work were insane and embarrassing. I threw the remainder of the bars in the trash. The "clean out" the next morning was ridiculous. Watch out dulcolax, there's a new kid in town. Anonymous on Nov 6 2014, 05:52

Who r we to judge what r u god lmao Anonymous on Nov 15 2014, 00:40

Well, yes I guess there are some Mormons that are developmentally delayed....as well as many that are incredibly intelligent, not

Page 230 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

unlike the rest of society. The fact is their whole world revolves around the family and the "church" uses it to enslave them. It is one of the most powerful forces I have ever witnessed because I grew up in it and have since departed. I just couldn't act the part and I pity the true believers. Those that simply play the part are evil. Dallin H. Oaks once said "It is wrong to criticize the leaders of the Church, even if the criticism is true". What an incredibly evil injunction, and coming from a man lettered in the law and highly praised by the legal community. A man once seriously considered for the Supreme Court? The claimed "authority" communicating these presents itself as infallible, yet he clearly states they have a habit of not being so. Does no one see the contradiction? That's just plain bullying and members just take it. I too was beguiled as were so many other Mormon youth by the sports and war stories of Paul H. Dunn and what a liar he turned out to be. I am now a member of the pay my taxes, I'll leave you alone if you leave me alone thank Thomas, George, Patrick and all the other "fathers" for separating church from state....congregation. Oh, and the sign on my house "no soliciting" denotes of ANY kind. Anonymous on Nov 19 2014, 00:12

Mormons are the most sheepish, bigoted inbred fanatical, hypocritical morons I have ever met. It's about money for the people in charge, status for the one in the middle trying to climb up, and the poorest are kept under thumb. I lived there as an outsider having no previous opinion. I saw years of ridiculousness. They are MUCH worse than Catholics with hiding child molestion. It's a chomo's paradise out there. They're infested with them. It has the highest internet porn usage, the highest prescription drug abuse, the 2nd highest pedophile rate, etc... They use the N word in public and are VERY mysoginistic. Truth Anonymous on Nov 19 2014, 10:33

Trick to cooking Corn King. Cut the platic open long ways across the top. Slide a finger under the slice you are trying to remove as you gently pull up. Lay each slice next to each other on a roasting pan with rack and place in a preheated 350 degree oven. When you smell bacon, pull the rack out and using fork, tongs or spatula make sure the bacon seperates from the rack easily and flip the pieces over one by one and cook for another 5 minutes or so. Voila. Corn King cannot be fried or it WILL disintegrate. Anonymous on Nov 22 2014, 09:50 you're fucking disgusting. the things you say, basically promoting the very thing that's killing them. Anonymous on Nov 23 2014, 17:01

I fart every 13 minutes. I cant be in any enclosed room with anybody for more than one hour, else cramps will bend me over. Once I held them for 3 hours and ended up in the hospital believing I had appendicitis. My internet "girlfriend" is coming over to live with me for a couple of months. This means 5 x 24 x 60 = 7200 farts are awaiting her, enough to blow up a Zeppelin, so I am dreading. By the time I have started this posting I have farted twice already. I have had some ideas. I have downloaded a long series of farts from the internet and installed loudspeakers at the WC, so that they play loudly when I get in. This way, she will never be able to tell if it was me or just the tape playing. I have bought lots of candles and incense to burn out methane but what am I going to do when watching tv or working at the computer? She is arriving tomorrow and I am already regretting the decision. Yes, of course it is nice to have female company but... in my circumstances it is not so cool. Before this, I have a neighbor girl who is extremely attractive and gorgeous and youngm typical cheerleader girl with lots of other girl friends. I didnt hear coming down the corridor but it was just exactly at the point where I loudly farted that she did pass by my door. She definitively heard it and I cursed in silence and quavering shame to myself, so I will not leave my apartment lest I should encounter her face to face. I wouldn't bear it. Luckily I can do everything online, also the full shopping. A month ago a female kitten installed herself in my garden.I dont like cats but I felt sorry for this one and I gave her milk. I didnt know at the time that you cannot give milk to cats. We were both in the garden when she ejected a powerful diarrhea fart that lasted about 10 seconds. The neighbors were chatting lively on the other side of the fence and went dead silent at once as if shot at the purring salutation. Impossible to tell them that it was not me but the cat. They would never believe the story, so I am considering moving out and selling the apartment.I think I should buy a house in the country side, I ll be fine surrounded by pigs and such animals, it will not bother them. Anonymous on Nov 28 2014, 16:02

LIAR bishop would never do that LIAR Anonymous on Nov 30 2014, 13:46

I got really high one time in my freshman year and a costco size box of fiber one bars was the only thing around, needless to say i scarfed down a good 6 or so of those bad boys (not joking i just kept going back for more) and within two hours i can honestly say i was blowing the biggest and loudest ass ive ever been proud of. Anonymous on Dec 20 2014, 03:35

Fag Anonymous on Dec 27 2014, 06:25

It took me about two boxes to figure out what was wrong with the bars..and that the problem was not me. My poor family. I moved on to other bars on the market and realized it's chicory root fiber. I decided to spare people I knew and move on to yogurt as a quick breakfast. We've all discovered it's in some brands of yogurt also. Anonymous on Jan 5 2015, 08:07

You sick God delusional freak. Spivey is a piece of shit and will spit blood in hell with all the other fakes like fake christians and preachers. Most self proclaimed christians are lying perverts. Anonymous on Jan 6 2015, 17:11

Page 231 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

My wife brought home a restaurant size box of Kashi from Costco thinking that it would resolve a “challenge― that I have had with Quakers Granola Cereal. It actually was more tolerable. Just so you know, the Granola Cereal “blast― rings around the Kashi. If you were wearing roller skates, you wouldn’t need to move your legs. When I first tried it I thought it must be from something else since this is so wholesome. After a few more subsequent bowls, on different days, its effects were so intense, I threw the box away. Unfortunately, I had purchased two boxes. Several months later, running low on cereal, I opened the second box to give it a try. Big mistake, come mid-morning, it is all I could do to get out of the office to spare my co-workers. Once it starts, you are blasting for hours. By the end of the day, you are worn out. “Just so you Know―. Anonymous on Jan 15 2015, 11:19

One of my former bosses would just eat loads of Muesli and let it ferment in his stomach. The farts he let rip were so foul they would stink out his entire factory. So bad all of his workers would have to go outside to get fresh air. Anonymous on Jan 17 2015, 03:52

OMG. Uncontrollable, non-stop gas. I really thought there was something wrong with me! The first thing I did is search WebMD for 'continuous gas'. I've had to go the restroom 4 x's in the last 2 hours at work just to fart. The only thing I've eaten today was the cereal so I did a Google search for 'Kashi Go Lean and gas' and all of these stories popped up. I'm throwing that box away as soon as I get home. On my way to the restroom again as I submit this comment... Anonymous on Jan 19 2015, 11:34

Well the way i look at it, God is a Real Retard. Anonymous on Jan 23 2015, 09:42

Mormons all have SSA(same sex attraction). Anonymous on Jan 25 2015, 00:26

I read half the wall of text got some good laughs. Ok im blue in the face. I'd just like to point out that theres alot of insecurities coming out from the sea of words. Bashing each other is not how you get people to learn. Albeit some people cannot learn and have to have someone calling the shots for them. The new testament teaches us that it is not not our place to judge each other. Judgement and government are two different things. We are better off helping to solve the problem rather than acting exactly like the problems we see. If you have retained any of the scriptures you should know that OUR god encourages us guide the lost. Its a sea of people contstantly racking up tortfeasors against god out there. They may be slanderous, but they are also clueless. Lets say your boss is a mormon. Lets say hes black also to make this easier on you. And lets say you are white. Now if you study up on the many misguided faults of the mormon religion you will have the wisdom to not only understand why hes so insecure and opressed, but you will also be able have intelligent conversation with the guy everytime he tries to mislead his employees. Now imagine what would happen when he started listening. If you can send someone on the correct path without compounding the matter then you have truly done a righteous thing. And probably made a friend for life. I know that it is a difficult and frustrating task to try and get the webbs out of someones head. Especially someone who may be at a lower intelligence lever, or has only known one thing for life. Embody the people that need help with your love. Tell them the truth. Even if they scold you for it. Dont budge, and dont force it on them. I dont suggest laughing at a mormom either they are very insecure and very unopen to humble conversation. They tend to scorn helping others that are not inside their bubble. Help them dont hate them. Study the scripture. Im no preacher. I have to go back and look things up pretty often. Dont pick up their bad attitude. We walk in jesus' footsteps and hope to straighten oht as many as we can along the way. Just remember thats only our God has the power to judge and forgive us. Not a priest. Not a choirboy. Not a preacher. And certainly not the guy with the most money. Dont ever let someone guilt trip you into forking over your compensation because they say they have holy power over you. We will all pay for our wrongs AND rights. Study it all some are very similar some are downright insanity, and some are straightup made up. Also keep in mind that we are very selfish as a people, and putting ourself on the same level as God is not only dillusional its blasphemy. Hope this helps someone... God, give them wisdom. Amen Anonymous on Jan 28 2015, 22:46 your an idiot Anonymous on Jan 30 2015, 00:32

My husband showed me this website and was pissing his pants laughing, once I started reading I then followed and felt like we fit right in.. My mother told us about these bars so we went out to buy them my god they taste so good we ate a couple each...... Let me tell you we are sitting here having farting wars laughing so hard. Between the smell and us laughing I can't breathe. I'm crying I'm laughing so hard. Who would of known a tiny little bar could do so much bad.. Our house has contstant gas fumes that will not go away and every room you go into you know fibre one has been there.. I really hope it lets up soon because he is a smoker and we are scared to light a match in case the house catches fire! Damn you fibre one damn you!!! Anonymous on Feb 3 2015, 23:16

Page 232 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

my tagline offering: spreading the concealed truth (since the 12 apostles apparently spread the revealed truth) Anonymous on Feb 4 2015, 14:54

Ever have guests staying at your house that you prefer didn't? Try some Kashi Go Lean Crunch! Guaranteed to give you enough gas to make a point-blank spray from a skunk unnoticeable. Better yet, let your guests enjoy this tasty concoction from hell for breakfast and they may check out early in embarrassment. At the very least you won't have to worry about any dirty acts happening in the guest bedroom! Anonymous on Feb 8 2015, 23:02

Oh my god thank god for this thread. I have felt like I've been dying the last few weeks when I've had Kashi go lean crunch for breakfast. problem solved, never eating this shit again. Anonymous on Feb 10 2015, 15:51

SOOOOO glad I found this!!! My nine year old is so embarrassed because all her friends can hear my Kashi Go Lean farts on her Xbox Live speaker...from another room! I'm talking sonic boom farts that my daughter calls "cheek flappers'! They need to put a disclosure on the box. "This cereal may cause social isolation, embarrassment and mistaken pregnant appearance". Anonymous on Feb 14 2015, 23:35

After all I've read, why would they recommend taking 30 grams of fiber per day to lose weight if it is that toxic. I haven't heard if if gives someone the diarerra just bad farts, I thought it is a pill not a cereal bar Anonymous on Feb 19 2015, 16:39

Being a mormon i have also done wuite a bit of studying from both the book of mormon and the bible/he could only read them because god gave him two translating tools the urim and thumim/ polygomy has been looked down upon in our religion for over 100 yr./ the current president of the church is actually good friends with the pope, look up a picture/when the book of mormon 11 men all "witnessed" it/ Anonymous on Feb 21 2015, 22:05

OMG it is outrageous, I bought some to keep at my desk for the first time three days ago. I've had none stop farting for the past three days. I'm sitting at work trying to hold it in but that does not work. I have to get up constantly to go outside to fart. I get up in the am I'm farting, on my way to work I'm farting, at work farting, get home farting. What an experience. lol Anonymous on Feb 26 2015, 17:13

I found this site AFTER the consequences and repercussions of eating the real devils food cake. I had one of these yesterday and now it is 415 am and I think the worst is over. I had my first dream tonight about having to crap so bad, woke up with awful gas and then it hit,Diarrhea from hell. Never ever will I eat one of these things again. Anonymous on Mar 1 2015, 04:17

Mormons are a bunch of pussies faggots that probably would believe in the tooth fairy and Santa and leprechauns and shit if you preached it to them well enough. All mormons should burn. They can take their gold plates and pedophile bishops and all suck each others dicks till they choke to death. Fuck mormons, I'll scrap with any one of them. Anonymous on Mar 16 2015, 20:08

I actually don't think it is that bad. Prior to eating Fibre One, my bowel movement is prefect as can be. I go regularly whether or not I consumed my fruits and veggies. But the thing is, i rarely ever fart. With the introduction of FO though, i start farting like nobody's businesses. Hahaha. But, they don't stink as much as other people claim it to be. Or maybe, i am just blessed like that. LoL. Cheers~ Anonymous on Mar 27 2015, 02:05

Kind Bars are horrible. I bought a box at costco (18), and for the last week, have been eating one for breakfast. Uhhggg. My stomach has protested the whole time. Glad I found out that its the chicory root fiber. Anonymous on Mar 31 2015, 15:06

All Mormons are bisexual so do not let them get too close. Whatever you do do not wrestle with them. Anonymous on Apr 5 2015, 13:41

You need to. Take this down I hade a buddy who die from the. Choke. Gane it not cool teach how to do it I just saw. A big kid choke a lil kid out how. Could he do it. Take. It down. It was on youtube Anonymous on Apr 6 2015, 19:50 what a disgrace your corn king bacon is!!! I purchased the bacon for the first time last week. I am extremely particular in the bacon that I purchase because of the price that all companies charge. Our favorite bacon is Oscar Mayer. I have never had issues with that brand in 38 years, yet, because I am trying to cut my grocery bill down, I thought that I would give Corn King a try. Wow!!! What a mistake that was!!! My husband went to cook breakfast for our son and himself and ended up wasting over half a pound of your bacon because the packaging was deceptive, big time!!! How dare any company that would 'hide' the fat content and charge meat prices for something that either will be cut off or eaten with no nutritional value? The audacity of american big business is horrendous!!! What kind of fool do you take the american public for?

Page 233 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Anonymous on Apr 22 2015, 20:27

Geez, the trolls have finally evolved from being asinine freaks to offensive people. It is okay to dislike any religion, but doing so in a manner or way that is certain to cause annoyance or arguments is wrong. If you have a negative opinion, portray it in a polite way that will allow us to accept your opinions and beliefs. God will forgive you if you have it in you to repent. We're trying to help you. Anonymous on Apr 28 2015, 00:14

I'm a Mormon and I completely agree. I've been a Mormon my entire life and am currently 15. Not even an hour ago church pissed me off so bad I just wanted to explode. I want out of this religion so much. And then my 17 year old sister tattled on me for not raising my hand when they asked if I'm going to a one night girls camp this week. I need a way to contain my anger during this time. Let's not forget that they are also sexist, very very sexist. They say we treat each other as equals but in reality we don't. It's obvious that to them girls are lower than boys. They were talking about how Mormons are glad that they aren't hypocrites and that we do everything fairly. Bullshit (yes a Mormon just cussed). I wanted to laugh during that time because what they were saying is so hypocritical. For the past year I've been keeping this inside and I think about ready to snap. I don't know how ill survive girls camp this week. Morons drive me nuts and I brought my friend to a church activity so that Mormons will leave me alone and it worked. They didn't talk to me. I'm doing it again for the dance in two weeks. Overall, I complete agree with this and hate my religion. I hope I can contain my anger just as I've been doing this past year during camp and I really hope I don't snap. Oh and if your all alone and have no friends around there is a 99% chance that a Mormon will talk to you. Don't be fooled, they pittied you and nothing else. I know because someone at my church pity's me for having no friends there. Of course I have no friends there by choice and she annoys the hell out of me. She even said she misses me after I got out of her class. I fucking hate her and I hate being touched yet she hugs me. She misses me and all she does is says hi in the hallway. Get real, it's logically impossible to miss someone you never see so she needs to stop pitying people who purposefully have no friends. Anonymous on May 3 2015, 16:20

GO FUCK YOURSELVES > GO SUCK A DICK YOU CHRISTIAN SHITS / EMUS Anonymous on May 4 2015, 14:45 shut up lil bitch. Anonymous on May 11 2015, 19:42

I grew up mormon, from birth. blessed in the church went through it all. Went on a mission, came home and became more devoted than ever. Attended YSA which is boring get togethers for the 20 somethings in the church. To find spouses. Cause that's what you gotta do. It's all part of the culture. And sadly eventually unintentionally cut myself off from my non-mormon friends just because i was so much more committed to being involved with the church. Unfortunately the non-mormon friends were way better friends and more fun to be around than the mormons. Still have some best friends in the church but they're some of the few down to earth ones who are also gradually leaving the church. I really did believe it all and ya mormons will believe anything you tell them. I'm not just saying this but this was my experience and what I see with everyone in the church. It's all based on belief. if you believe Joseph Smith was what he claims to be than you will believe anything. You really do become delusional, but this is how I see religion in general as well, now. Yes no one is perfect and that is supposed to be the goal of religion is work on being a better person, but the amount of hypocrisy is fucked up. It can really mess up young people because they're made to believe you have to live this way and if you can't do it than you gotta try harder. And you feel like shit because you keep fucking up. Well now that i'm an adult I've realized it's impossible to live to the standards of the mormon church. Joseph Smith could;t even do it. And even the mormons in Utah, although surrounded by a huge support system, can't do it. I've seen it first hand. They fuck and party but still attend church and the temple, and do the superficial stuff like read scriptures, pray, all that. Has anyone seen The Book of Mormon yet? So true that these mormons live the good life meanwhile there's millions of people dying and living with war and what are mormons doing to help? Sending missionaries to convert them. I left the church with my wife in our late 20's, just a few years ago because as we matured we began to see how fucked up it really is. it's not all bad and I wouldn't say I experienced any cult like activity except in the temple. Rituals. But nothing dark. But it is bull shit. i It's all based on believing Joseph Smith. But he has no physical proof to back his story up. He wrote the book of mormon, and mormons say how could an uneducated man write all that. Well how did many authors write the great works they've done. Take lord of the rings and Chronicles of Narnia for example. Joseph had a good imagination, and was intelligent, he also had help and revised the book of mormon several times. These are all facts, not opinion. He also had references borrowed from the bible and used names from near by towns to help elaborate the story. But where are the plates? Where is the archilogical proof? He even clams natives are Laminites from the book of mormon. DNA proves they're from asia. The guy was a conman and he conned us good. There's zoo much more i could go on about, but I just wanted to say I agree with how fucked up it is. And i feel bad for the new converts who defend it because they will learn eventually, if they are actually normal, cause there's also a lot of fucking weird people who join the church. I feel bad that I went on a mission and got people to believe it, but I can't go find them all and tell them I was wrong and I'm sorry. If people are happy in the church, great. But shit, I'm just glad I'm out and my kids won't have to live through what I had to experience. Anonymous on May 12 2015, 00:28

Is this thread still alive? The joy of fiber one farts needs to continue and spread Anonymous on May 19 2015, 11:16

OK! Shut up fag and take that convicted pedophile Jeffs with you. Anonymous on May 19 2015, 18:18

It's obvious you are inbred too. So shut up. Anonymous on May 19 2015, 18:20

If you get any more stupid moronic, why don't you go play speed bump on the interstate. Anonymous on May 19 2015, 18:23

Page 234 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Shut up Zitinian! You inbred goat molester. Anonymous on May 21 2015, 15:47

Then again, why is God such a Retard for making this world the way it is? Anonymous on May 28 2015, 08:42 been through the whole Mormon thing....you are an idiot....this church is a cult and has a different jesus and God.....wake the fuck up... Anonymous on May 30 2015, 21:11

I lost my 15 year old son in 05 to this sick not a game!! 10 years ago and I feel like it was yesterday! I found him dead in his room I don't know how to get though this Anonymous on May 31 2015, 03:34 dude, grew up in Utah for 36 years you are so wrong.... Anonymous on Jun 19 2015, 20:59

I bought a box of Fiber One bars while my wife and kids were out of town and while I was polishing off three of them, the beagle puppy ate one off the paper plate while I was flipping through the channels. Since nobody was home, I planned to sleep downstairs with the puppy and our older dog. They're good dogs and are trained to poop outdoors. Anyway, about two hours into a Gilligan's Island marathon, I farted...loud. Then again within two minutes. Then I'd hold it for five minutes or so to let it build up so that I could see how long I could trumpet with my right butt cheek held open. It was funny for a while and then it got annoying. They started coming every minute and loud and long! Then the puppy farted right on the older dog's nose and she got up and moved to the corner of the room. I felt sorry for her and went over to pet her and while over there giving her a dose of my own farts, the puppy shit right on the dog bed and slid across the carpet wiping her butt. When I yelled at her, she just looked at me and farted. Long night to say the least. Anonymous on Jun 25 2015, 19:29

How funny,,,,, This is Sarcastic so the world knows if you have a sense of humor and common sense than you know this is not to be taken seriously at all.. it would just prove to be a reminder that the game is very dangerous and don't ever even consider it but the objective is to inform people that THERE IS NO CURE FOR DEATH AND MOST IDIOTS Anonymous on Jun 30 2015, 08:41

I SWEAR to you that this is true. I had penis surgery a week ago today, and the antibiotics stopped me up for a few days. My wife bought me a box of Kashi Crunch, of which i ate a bowl this morning. As i write this, i am in the bathroom (for the 5th time in 2 hrs) at work, and hands down, the churning in my stomach hurts WORSE than my surgery. This is worse than the time i had a chimichanga fried in lard & covered with sour cream at a 24hr mexican joint, washed down with a beer and a milkshake (i was unknowingly violently lactose intolerant at the time). Anonymous on Jul 16 2015, 16:53

This whole site is truly saddening to see all of the vulgar insults people make up about a religion they just don't understand.This is the kind of world we live in though. I have neve experienced any terrible things during my time as a mormon my only complaint would be that they all seem too happy it can get to be a bit much at times but it just inspires me to try and be happier. To me all religions are based on faith of one form or another,most ask you to take rather large leaps of faith (ex. The world was a blank nothingness until God decided the world should start he put everything in it including a tree he knew his creations would touch because he is all knowing and all powerful praise this being he is the way the truth and the light) mormons could be right or terribly wrong but "retarded"?? What are you 15? The vast magority of these comments are immature as is the site itself. Anonymous on Jul 18 2015, 01:08

I had about 4 fiber one bars today. Without knowing it had this type of affect. I haven't been in pain and I've just been farting constantly. Like, probably once a minute. Although half are silent and the other half are just normal, not too long or not extremely loud. But it was happening enough to where I needed to google wtf was happening Anonymous on Jul 20 2015, 22:20

There was no urim thummum he put his little rock in his little hat and shoved his face in it then started "translating" come on don't you totally brainwashed Mormons even read your own church printed propaganda? That was in the Ensign magazine! Omg you people are pathetically ignorant.Here's what really has me baffled. Yes all of it is true, no it's not all lies! Who are you people trying to deceive on here? These are ex members of your church who have seen it along with myself! We know your lying to try to save the sanctity but it's too late the jig is up the secret is out so stop already! Are you totally brainwashed Mormons so mentally stupid that you think that everyone is as gullible as you? We saw the light it's ok now go to mia maids or relief society or do a love bomb but get off here this is for us you have your thing so go just go! It scares me that so many smart intelligent people can fall for such a ridiculous fraud as this so called church it really does. Then to see them come on here and try to hide it away makes me sick! Did you people read me? Sick sick sick! Your pathetic. Ok I'm done now. Anonymous on Jul 23 2015, 12:22

I'm laughing so hard I can barely see the computer screen. Anonymous on Jul 25 2015, 20:06

Learn how to write dumbass. Anonymous on Aug 7 2015, 17:31

Page 235 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Actually, most of us would say it to the mormon'sfaces if we could. Anonymous on Aug 10 2015, 03:36

I agree Anonymous on Sep 1 2015, 18:53

To all of those above this e mail.Whether you are or have been LDS or any other religion, you have no right or reason or right to criticize a persons belief in God no matter what they call their higher belief system that makes them a better person. Your filthy language betrays you and who you are and what you have become by your belief system, if you have one. If you have a belief system where you recognize a power to whom you recognize as a creator of the planet on which you live with other humans beings,not a person who likens himself as to be above others,you might consider trying to stop degrading others and spend you time and thoughts into making this world a better place for all of us to live with respect,kindness and harmony. Let us all mind our own business and make sure each of us make it our business to make this a better world for all mankind so lacking in society today. Anonymous on Sep 13 2015, 17:46

You ex Mormons are right --Mormons are lying demons from hell as the mormon pr machine destroyed a beautiful girl named Joyce McKinney with a worldwide press hoax maligning her character for 38 years! In 1977 they sent her fiance Kirk Anderson on a mission to break up their wedding plans and when Joyce --an ex-mormon--went over to england to help him escape the cult, they put Joyce --a gorgeous former miss Wyoming usa--intup. ÃŽo prison AND DESTROYED HER good name WITH CHARACTER ASSASSINATION! THEY PUT A FAKE STORY ON THE WIRE SERVICES THAT SHE HAD "Kidnapped AND RAPED" 330 pound 6'5" Kirk Anderson TO COVER UP THE FACT THAT HE and JOYCE made love! Joyce was a VIRGIN BEFORE SHE MET HIM! Their multi-million dollar mormon missionary image was at stake, so the mormon pr machine also dissiminated this fake story in newspapers and tabloid rag mags all over the world, and all over the internet, and four years ago was the source of slander in a pornographic counterfeit movie slandering her beyond comprehension! The movie was distributed by Mormons out of Utah! Joyce sued the producers for millions of dollars and the mormon cult leaders were so worried the lid would be ripped off and their 1977 cover up exposed that they brought in their top lds attorney to block her former fiance from testifying and admitting/exposing the truth! The perverted mormon sourced movie "tabloid" caused her mother to commit suicide and devastated Joyce and her family! It is case number lc095322 in los Angeles superior court! Please pray for her as this sick film destroyed her health but she is still fighting to clear her name and expose what the mormon cult did to her! Anonymous on Sep 17 2015, 22:15

God is so Retarded for making this world to begin with. Anonymous on Oct 3 2015, 12:05

Mormonism is proof at just how stupid most people are. They are nothing more than mindless sheep who submit to authority without question. History has proven this time and time again. In my experience, they are even more hypocritical than Christians. Joesph Smith proved that any con-artist can start a religion, the 10% of all future income is icing on the cake for me. The closet-homosexual "elders" of the church are laughing all the way to the bank. Anonymous on Oct 25 2015, 17:13

Gee Wiz, the trolls have landed. Anonymous on Oct 26 2015, 08:17 i bet ur a mormon who just sucked a little boys dick and then u heard someone say a stereotype so u based ur life around it Anonymous on Nov 6 2015, 18:29

Well okay that's kinda gross but guess what?Theres this thing, I hear it's called not being perfect, and I hear it's the new thing. No, check that, it's been the thing for all the time we've been on earth. You think that to be a good, true religion everybody has to be a saint? Well I'll tell you right now. Not the case. See, the LDS church isn't perfect. The people aren't perfect. We have flaws. But we still believe in our religion. And the bishops that did that? Flawed. But does that make the church any less true? Oh, one Christian had an abortion and prayed to a priest and was forgiven. But look here, this Mormon kid didn't keep the sabbath day holy and bought something on Sunday. That must mean their religion is all wrong and that they are teaching bad stuff! Just because a member of the church does something against what we believe, doesn't mean we are spreading lies about our church, or make it any less true. Yes, that rule applies to EVERY member in the church, whether it be bishop, young women's leader, etc. it's the person that does the sin, not the church. This makes me a little upset because some people can't see it that way. Anonymous on Nov 15 2015, 05:08

You Mormons hate gay and lesbian couples. also blacks. fuck you mormon fucks. worst religion i the world. Great for week people like you dumb ass week simple mormons. PS mormons suck Anonymous on Nov 15 2015, 05:40

God is a real Moron for making so many women today that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy, unlike the good old fashioned women years ago that were the Best which they were so much Easier to meet compared to the Pathetic ones that are out there these days. Another excellent reason why nice guys like us finish last. And there are so many of us great guys out there that are still Single because of this which many of us are Not Single by choice. Anonymous on Nov 15 2015, 07:32

CORN KING BACON!! Love this bacon! You say it's too thin,but here is what you can do.I open the package and taka Sharp knife and cut half into.Take one half and put it in the Pan!! Works great!! I love the flavor,I like the crispy smoked flavor and the Price!! ..I usually buy mine at Walmart in Lacey, Washington but they DO NOT CARRY it Now 11-14-15, it keeps saying out of Stock! ! EverytimeI would go and get some, everyone was buying 4 to 5 pkgs at one time !! Can You please tell me where you can buy it

Page 236 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

now!!! I'm lost with out it!! Tks Boop!! Anonymous on Nov 15 2015, 14:42

Look at so many Loser women today that God created. Certainly has Ruined us Good men. Anonymous on Nov 16 2015, 10:15

I bought a box of fiber be bars at Costco. I thought they would be "healthy" snacks that I could eat while on business travel - similar to a breakfast bar or energy bar. WRONG - I made the mistake in eating one on Thursday and two throughout the day on Friday. I has Intestinal pain so severe I thought I would have to visit the doctor. I tried to go to the restroom and I pushed so hard..I was afraid that I would blow a butt gasket. It took over 20 mins to go and it was so dense, my "cutter" wouldn't work to break it off. It took some manual intervention before I could leave the restroom. Why in the hell would anyone do this to themselves - NEVER AGAIN Anonymous on Nov 18 2015, 22:53

I eat 3-4 of these and I can take a foot long dump and my guts feel like they have been run through a car wash. SO GOOD! Anonymous on Nov 25 2015, 07:23

Yeah, I'm a Mormon. LMAO Anonymous on Dec 15 2015, 13:02 unsensical is not a word. I think you meant to say nonsensical. Anyhow, I agree with you.Mormons are brainwashed from birth idiots,most no smarter than a retarded rodent. Anonymous on Dec 28 2015, 12:20

Bull fucking shit you Mormon cunt. My husband has successfully sued and won against you dipshits. WHAT CHURCH HAS A RIGHT TO GO INTO SOMEONES HOUSE AND TAKE STUFF THAT THE CULT DOESN'T LIKE AND THROW IT AWAY? And then threaten with excommunication, which they did, if they sue? And $5000 worth of stuff he owned turned into a nice cool $75K. And the "help" you get? "Deseret" brand food that tastes like SHIT? I'd rather have a nice HOT cup of coffee with a NEWPORT and laugh in your face while you burn in hell. Anonymous on Jan 3 2016, 23:24 liar, you are a moron. Only morons would defend the moron religion. Anonymous on Jan 7 2016, 17:16

LOL!!! This is hilarious!!! I know having faith is good but what im reading is that some fucking stupid humans have faith in a guy who has proven to lie. Some fucking idiots believe that this retard smith is the only person to read symbols on gold plates that prly dont even exist!!? lol wow dumb dumb dumb dumb Only in America Anonymous on Jan 11 2016, 19:50 look u all are fu ckinb wackos!!!!!!!! PERIOD ! ya all mad !!!!! U all should seek medical attension!!!!!!!! \ Anonymous on Jan 22 2016, 10:02

Mormons are fujkin retards! period ! U all should be castrated !!!!!@ Permanenty. Cause u are IDIOTS !!!!!!!!!!!!! Anonymous on Jan 22 2016, 10:06

The farts that are being expelled from my body are the likes of which have not been witnessed for thousands of years. I find myself retreating into a world of prideful neglect and fascination, much like a character from an Edgar Allan Poe story. A deep sadism has raised from the sheer torture I can now inflict on my family members and co-workers simply by ingesting a menial amount of Kashi GoLean Crunch. Will this ever end? Will I find myself again? I want my soul back. Anonymous on Jan 25 2016, 22:50

Page 237 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Kashi Go Lean crisp made me so sick. I ate it for dinner and woke up this morning throwing it all up. I know it was the cereal because it was the only out of the ordinary thing that I ate yesterday. Worst stomach ache I have had in years. Threw up cereal all day today. I will never touch a bowl of cereal again. Anonymous on Jan 28 2016, 19:53

I agree religions are crutch for idiots. I once knew a person you tried to convince their is a god because he didn't know where lightning and thunder came from. He also told me that rainbows happen when God is happy. Basically instead of learning basic math just say god did it. Fucking idiots. Anonymous on Jan 31 2016, 15:40

The kind of gas I've been experiencing thanks to this product is too fierce to comprehend. I can't believe they would manufacture a product like this, after this thread that I read. Where was the testing and sample survey for this? Surely someone said something about this. And this doesn't look like anything new… It appears that this thread dates back Pre-Obama. It's February 2016. Unreal. I'm a schoolteacher and I can't tell you how much more of a living hell my life is been thanks to the cereal. Talk about holding in- and sweating bullets trying not to let out explosive farts in the middle of a classroom full of kids. I brought a pillow just to put in my chair so that I can suppress my farts like a bullet exiting silenced rifle. Meanwhile my kids are wondering what in the hell is wrong with me, and why I have started teaching from my desk chair. Little do they know that my rear is, at a moments notice, ready to Pompeii their little worlds. And every fart feels like I'm trying to push a watermelon through a garden hose… Excruciating. Oh, and if you really want to make things thermonuclear, just add one or 2 cups of coffee, black, no sugar or dairy necessary. Enjoy the flatulence hallocaust that will undoubetedly ensue. PS what ingredient is it?? I'd like to steer clear of it. Anonymous on Feb 8 2016, 19:07

Last night I decided to visit my minister for a discussion about Christ. After working closely with him at the church bake sale, he mentioned how much he enjoyed chocolate. When I came across these bars in the grocery store, I thought I'd pick him up a box and bring it over as a gift. Boy, was that a mistake. On Sunday morning, during his sermon, he kept making weird faces and pausing randomly. I could tell he wasn't feeling well and that something was wrong, but I didn't want to interrupt him. It was at that moment that the devil came into our pretense through the thunderous roar of our minister's blow hole. The force of his fart literally knocked off the plaster Jesus that was hanging from the cross behind the pulpit. The congregation was in shock and gasped. The surprise of the collapsing display only led our minister to ass blast at least 3 more times before stepping down. Needless to say, my faith has been shaken, as well as my ability to smell. Our church smelled as if the Devil himself popped a squat over the pews. I think this ordeal has even caused some of the congregation leave the faith and covert to Buddhism. Lord Jesus save us from Fiber One. Anonymous on Feb 11 2016, 00:36

Facts? Evidence? Nope, only opionions. Find some facts, write another article, then come talk to me again, douche bag. Anonymous on Feb 17 2016, 21:55

I found these comment wile looking to get Corn King bacon at a store closer to my house. I have always found it to be extremely flavorful and suited my needs in every way. I love it and it packaging. I will stock my freezer with it, feed my family and the grand baby with it as well. To each is own in taste. Anonymous on Feb 26 2016, 19:16

Mormons are a bunch of paedophiles, misogynist and child abusers that allow their children to be molested. the doctrine is wrong, Jo was a fraud (ffs wtf is about these golden plates!!) and their people are just abused and brainwashed to believe all this crap. This is a cult encouraged to exist by paedophiles to satisfy their sick intentions. THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT CHRISTIANS whatsoever I am not the one to encourage christianism, I respect all religions including the paganists which were most probably right. These fckers leave their children brainwashed and uneducated, Baaaaaad people. Anonymous on Apr 3 2016, 06:00

Lol, I googled Mormons are fucked up twisted Anonymous on Apr 4 2016, 06:17

Well the way i look at it God is definitely a filthy Low Life Scumbag for Not giving me a wife and family that he gave to Millions of other people. Why Not me too? That filthy No Good Jew Bastard. Anonymous on Apr 12 2016, 06:58 shut up fag. Anonymous on Apr 13 2016, 16:53

Ah... Is the word, "retarded" even usable anymore? Anytime I see it (even when I agree with the speaker/writer) it seems to undermine everything a speaker/writer says as it makes them appear uneducated. That said, I agree with some of the sentiment of this blog. The LDS church needs an overhaul. While I don't think it's fair to bash all its members (a lot of them were born into it and brainwashed from childhood and I think there can be good people in the church) I have a hard time believing anyone who stays there stays sane, happy, or both. I have family on both sides who are Mormon. I have cut them all out of my life. This is a good thing and I have become a happier,

Page 238 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

better person for it. I was not raised directly in it (dad's parents tried really hard to make me believe though), but my parents both were and while they stopped practicing after their temple marriage I believe the LDS church's teachings actually made them into dysfunctional people for life. My parents (mostly) raised my sister and I agnostic. They never officially left the church. We just didn't go (unless we visited grandparents) and were never baptized. Mom and Dad partook in non-Mormon activities when they weren't around their family. I guess you could call them "Jack Mormons." In both sides of my family I saw loads of physical and some sexual abuse. The men who did it were enabled and put on pedestals. Anytime a wife tried to leave them, other family members would bash or threaten her for being a bad wife. My mom eventually did leave my father, but she actually enabled him to abuse me and my sister after she left. She did the same with my ex-Catholic stepfather who didn't hurt her, but was very abusive to me. Reunions were nuts. With my dad's family, I had grown up around it so I was used to it (but got tired of the stupidity after I hit adulthood). I didn't really meet all my mom's family until my mid 20s. It was *crazy*. Going to Idaho was like being in a 3rd world country. The baby boomer men all seemed shocked I wasn't married and being a broodmare yet—that I actually had a career! My grandmother based my aunt for leaving her abusive husband. My uncle treated all the male cousins like they were little super heroes and the girl cousins were background servants. My dad's family was crazy (his dad broke his kid's/wife's arms), but this took the cake. My cousins were sweet when they were kids. Then they went on missions and either became vapid or hateful or both. Several tried to convert me and would be defensive and act hurt when I called them on it. Up to a short period into our adulthood, my parents brainwashed me and my sister into believe LDS is like any other religion. But that isn't true. I've seen Catholics and Presbyterians and Baptists. I've been in all their churches. Yes, they can be very strict, but there can also be a lot of variation between churches. But LDS makes a special brand of crazy for all its members—invading all parts of life. You don't get to choose your friends. You don't get to choose what to do in your freetime (ministers will give you "tasks" and frequently that involves converting people). You don't get to choose how big or small your family is—not if you want to go to proper Mormon heaven. If you have Mormon friends, you are expected to convert them. I tried being friends with a Mormon and an ex-Mormon who were not part of my family. They were both crazy as loons with horrible boundary issues. The Mormon one actually stalked me and my daughter afterwards. I saw that kind of behavior in most every member of my family—except maybe my sister (she has some serious boundary issues though). I don't want to bash a whole group of people, but it is hard not to judge with my experience, but I am certainly leery around people I know who are Mormon. Anonymous on May 1 2016, 20:16

She's not lying! This is my third day of ten hour gas sessions and thank goodness I found this site so I know it's the cereal, but mine didn't have an odor either. It was just mass amounts of air. Very odd. But thank goodness I didn't have to smell what some of you are describing because then I would have to give the cereal up and I don't want to. Anonymous on May 7 2016, 08:23

Gary must be real. However, he is expensive. He must have a lot of expenses to pay. I hope he helps everyone with his gifted power. I wish he charged less to people whom cannot afford. Please pay more if you can to support him so he can give breaks for low incomes. Thank you. Anonymous on May 13 2016, 13:27 savage Anonymous on May 25 2016, 01:15

Sorry man, i've never seen a religion that teaches God lives in a specific planet and that you can become one someday. Those ideas come from a narcissistic liar, and are folowed by a bunch of..... Righ!! you gussed MORmONS Anonymous on May 29 2016, 03:47

Yeah there ya go now people can go out and fuck everything and anyone and not deal with the consequence of taking responsibility for your own actions it's so much easier to murder a baby just as long as your an abortionist you get away with murder scott free Anonymous on Jun 2 2016, 12:22

I have officially moved into my bathroom. This stuff could be used as a high grade military weapon as it deliciously disables those who ingest it. Watch out toilets and underpants everywhere, sharts are coming. Anonymous on Jun 6 2016, 08:28 dumb fuck Anonymous on Jun 16 2016, 14:40

Page 239 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

Joe Smith 'translated' the book of morons by looking in a hat at a magic peepstone. The Gold Plates weren't even used. He believed American Indians came from Jews - which means we are lucky Romney did not get elected and treat us to the spectacle of him trying to speak Hebrew to tribal leaders. Mormons are dumber than magic peepstones. Anonymous on Jun 20 2016, 20:37

Mork KB9RQZ, me and Woger were very sad to read about your Dad. I know it was tough for him with you as a son. Me and Woger are still enjoying our Korn King bacon topped Nim-busted pizza. It is so good. Woger has stretched me out pretty good, I can now fry Korn King bacon in my rectum using the small pan. Just yummy, we loves us some Korn King Bacoon. You and the she-man Gavi should try some too. Anonymous on Jul 26 2016, 11:19

It's always amazing when you see what trash post a or other white trash. MAy you, Gary and Jesus burn in hell Anonymous on Jul 30 2016, 15:55

This is blasphemous bullshit and not even acceptable in my Kingdom on Earth with Yeshua as if .upon thus the earth and heaven went to shit which they have now and like Babylonianism better, how would i make young of you?EJKW WHOOPS LOL HEY GOD! Let's lay down the law! Hahahahahahah baaaaa Anonymous on Aug 6 2016, 22:00

Lol...I'm dying. Your "religion" is literally a bullshit con some guy whipped up to make money Anonymous on Sep 18 2016, 20:59

I agree, this is the poorest excuse specimen to be called bacon that I have ever seen. Sliced so thin and the fat part is so slimy that you can't separate it. The lean part about 2 inches long and pulls apart in strings. There is no such thing as a slice of bacon. Just clumps of fat. Biggest waste of money ever. They should be closed permanently for such shaby thing to be called bacon. Anonymous on Oct 11 2016, 23:06

And who said they Weren't? Anonymous on Oct 17 2016, 18:31

Just a general thanx for so much gut-busting laughter that i cried AND peed myself. I have been farting for 56 yrs. and these farts do not compare...they are alien or primal - they are not human. Funny thing is i narrowed the problem down to the Kashi GoLean (which i also liked in my yogurt) however, i still buy it from time to time because its so tasty hoping for a different result such as merely enjoying a very tasty cereal thats good(?) for you...but no, alas, same result. They get you hooked on the flavor, i also had to watch that it didn't break my teeth and had to let it sit a 1/2 hour before eating it. Doesn't matter anyway, my digestive system hates me now for having ignored the constant reminders. Oh well, back to shredded wheat and oatmeal (the old stand-bys). Anonymous on Oct 18 2016, 17:36

This cereal made me so sick that I was scared to eat any cereal again for a year. Not only gas, but vomiting for 24 hours. Kashi go lean crunch is delicious, but even the thought of it makes me sick. Anonymous on Oct 26 2016, 20:58

Agreed. This guy is a total fraud. Seen it first hand. Anonymous on Nov 11 2016, 22:39

Man its damn! it means one should hide in washroom after trying kashi but thats natural and healthy as per my thoughts, wanna try that is that any side effects ? Anonymous on Nov 12 2016, 05:22

Then again, what about all the Retarded people in this world that God created? Especially when most of them are women nowadays unfortunately. Anonymous on Nov 21 2016, 06:20 shut up Anonymous on Dec 5 2016, 16:47

I can't handle this anymore. I ate a bar at work yesterday at 3pm and it's now 8pm THE NEXT DAY and gas is still flowing out of me at historic levels. I just had a 12 second fart. WHEN WILL IT CEASE?! Anonymous on Feb 14 2017, 20:16

Me too! Hilarious but mostly because we've experienced it! I just figured out what the cause was...omg! I love this cereal but not the out of this world gas explosions it causes. Anonymous on Feb 23 2017, 15:46

What are you fuckwits smoking? Where the wild things are wasn't a very happy book in the first place. Max had to leave the island because he made a mistake by running away and realized it was dangerous to remain in his fantasy world. Good work on the movies

Page 240 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

creators for showing kids that life isn't always simple and fair. You inbreds can coddle your children all you want, but don't blame the movies when they come home pissing their pants at age 18 when they get a taste of real life. 8/10 where the wild things are. Anonymous on Mar 6 2017, 23:47 in 2008 I gave spivey 800.00 yea I feel like a fool now, my husband committed suicide (He had health problems)and spivery hardly said anything and at one point (we were on the phone) he said oh wait a minute I need to close the door!!) and took forever to come back to the phone I should have gone to see Theresa Caputo and saved 600.00 shes for real...spivey takes advantage of people in pain...I hope people get wise Anonymous on Mar 16 2017, 02:01

These comments are so funny and I also was laughing so hard my dog started barking at me. I currently have 5 boxes left to eat and I love the cereal so much, I'm going to rough it out and be full of gas for the next few weeks. Thanks for all the laughs! Anonymous on Apr 15 2017, 21:47

Chicory, inulin...anything ending in " tol" like sorbitol or malitol. They will give you horrible gas, explosive diarrhea or both. Anonymous on Apr 19 2017, 20:29

I suspected something was wrong when my Canary died. At least I knew it was time to leave the room. Anonymous on May 19 2017, 18:18

The Mormon religion is a sick made up joke. It's absolutely appalling that anyone would buy into their disgusting doctine. Forcing 11 year olds to marry pedophilesomeone and rapists while the older decrepit wives slowly did of loneliness and exhaustion from raising 30+ demon spawn youth at a time. Sick incestuous pedophilia inclined freaks... you Mormonshould are worse than anything I can conjure in my mind to put into words... Anonymous on May 27 2017, 11:24

This is Barbara and I am a Kashi eater. It happen 4 days ago, and I haven't been the same since. Thought I'd have a nice healthy bowl of cereal in the morning, couple of hours later I doubled over in excruciating pain, uncontrollable farting and crapping! I thought I had food poisoning, but didn't pin point why until I looked it up this Kashi support group. What's really bad is that I had spicy mexican food later in the day. My rear end is bloody raw!!! WTF! Anonymous on Jun 9 2017, 18:27

And u base this ABBSULUTE PROVEN FACT SIMPLY BECUZ U SAY IT IT CUNT Fuck off mormons a fuck Anonymous on Jun 21 2017, 06:03

SO RELIEVED! I play poker for a living and was eating two Kashi nut butter bars, almonds and a salad each day at the World Series of Poker. I had a little gas, but that's not unusual when you're sitting for 10 hours a day. Two weeks ago I decided it would be more convenient to ear four Kashi bars and almonds, to save time making the salad. BIG MISTAKE. Ever since I've been in agony half the day holding it in, and in awe when I got home and let it out. Who knew the human body could fart for 60-90 seconds uninterrupted? I can't hold my breath that long. I can't hold a note that long. He'll, I've busted out of poker tournaments in less time. The good news is they're odorless. The bad news is I bought four more boxes before I finally started Googling to figure this out. At least I don't have some horrific digestive illness! Anonymous on Jul 7 2017, 05:29

This is both true and hilarious!!! Reminds me of the SNL sketch from the 90's about Colon Blow cereal! https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/colon-blow/3506012?snl=1 Anonymous on Jul 10 2017, 18:33

Am I the only one who actually enjoys the explosive effects of Fiber One bars? Anonymous on Jul 27 2017, 20:56

Joe wasn't shot in the face. He was shot in the back. While he was being run out of town for being a dick. Anonymous on Nov 2 2017, 07:02

Thank you! I was looking at these comments thinking I was going crazy. There's a lot of beauty in this film and i loved how it made all of the characters flawed in their own way. It's like all these reviews are just saying; HOW DARE YOU MAKE FEEL ANY EMOTION OTHER THEN HAPPINESS. Anonymous on Dec 13 2017, 22:29

I cannot believe that these things exist. After reading the label before purchase, I noticed that they didn't have abnormally high levels of Fiber... A perect mid morning snack, right? Wrong. I've been thinking something is wrong with me for the last 2 weeks. Rippling stomach and guts, bloating, sour stomach, raging farts THAT DO NOT END, diarrhea. I'm typing this from the shitter right now! After reading this page - I understand. I understand that no matter how cheap I am - I cannot finish the Costco sized box. It isn't worth

Page 241 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

my job, friendships, or my relationship. At least I now know that tomorrow will be a better day. New beginnings if you will. Phew. Anonymous on Mar 20 2018, 16:02

I don’t have a fart recording for you but I do have an experience to share. I just tried these delicious chocolate fudge bars for the first time this week. These were given to me by a senior citizen friend who I drive around to the grocery store once a week. I have been working out and being very conscious of what I’m eating lately and don’t often use protein or fiber bars to supplement my daily eating. While at Walgreens with my senior friend (she’s mid 70’s I’m 40) I grabbed a box of protein bars that I occasionally eat (because they were on sale), they were right next to the Fiber One chocolate fudge bars. My friend grabbed a few boxes of Fiber one bars and said “these are delicious, you should try them, I’ll get one for you.― After dropping My friend back home I returned to my house and put the box in the cabinet for a week until one day I was a bit hungry and searching through the cabinet for a moderately healthy snack, I saw the box. I had recently tried a chocolate fudge protein cookie from a different brand that was seriously lacking in flavor so I did not have high expectations for these bars. I took a small bite and it was scrumptious!!!!!!! I began reading the label to check the nutrient content, threw one in my purse (which I ate later in the day) and then put the box away. Later that evening I was incredibly gassy. I kept thinking “What the hell did I eat??― I was going through my food log in my mind of breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack????? I’m a pretty picky eater so when I find something I like I have a habit of eating it over and over again, my food was consistent with what I normally eat (hummus, salmon, green beans, almond milk) except for the bars. I thought to myself “Surely those little tiny bars didn’t cause this.― Later in the evening I think it actually got worse!!! Thank God my boyfriend had a dinner meeting because I was a walking fart machine (he’s a surgeon but there’s no way in hell I was going to ask him about this gas). Like many of the other people here mentioned my dog was afraid to be near me because of the sounds (and smell) coming out of me!! I thought “How long is this going to last!!!??― “He’s going to be home soon and I don’t know if I can hold this in, I may explode if I try to!!― My BF arrives home and snuggles into bed, things start to get a bit heated (if you know what I mean) and the lovemaking is in full swing. This is a fairly new relationship (2 years) so things aren’t boring, my mind never wonders during lovemaking, I don’t count sheep or ceiling tiles. All I could think was “Please don’t fart on him, please don’t fart on him...... ― I made it through with no farts and hopefully nothing slipped out while I was sleeping. I waited a day or two and I just had a bar this morning for a snack. Once again the farting has begun. I work from home so there is no one here now except for my poor dog who has retreated upstairs but I have a dinner gala to attend this evening (in 4 hours). I think I’m going to have to go get some gas ex or something!!!! I can’t live like this!!!! You can’t tell me that that little 9g of protein is doing this. I fairly regularly use Benefiber fiber supplement which has 5g and don’t have this problem. Fiber One, they are dangerously delicious but I can’t live a life of horrible flatulence. If farting is going to affect my sex life I can’t eat these. Anonymous, Tampa, FL Anonymous on Apr 13 2018, 00:58

It all started last week when I forgot my lunch and ending up buying a box of Fiber One Lemon Squares. These little babies are deceptively delicious and rather small-so before I knew if the entire box of 5 or 6 was gone. The fun started about 2 hours later and when it was time to head home I had to make some calculations: would I make the 30 minute trip home in time or would I "get caught short"? Being someone who enjoys a challenge I called my husband from about 10 minutes out and asked him to unlock and open the doors for when I arrived. He was like, "Why?-are you brining in a lot of bags?". He is forever thinking I am buying too much stuff. I told him "No, I will explain later". Also told him to clear a path to the bathroom-and to stay out of my way. In. My mind I kept hearing Lynryd Skynryd's song "Give Me Two Steps"-and you could hear me screaming a mile a way as I headed out toward the door. So, I arrived home and again I had to calculate-do I take large strides and get tot he bathroom quicker-up two flights of stairs and run the risk of crapping myself? Or do I take baby steps, with ass cheeks squeezed tightly together to keep from said sad outcome (pun very much intended)? Alas, I invited that the latter would be my best option. As I scooted up the steps and along the sidewalk I was sadly reminded of a Japanese game show that featured contestants charged with holding a banana between their butt cheeks and racing around a small track. Hysterical, by the way, if you have the opportunity to look up on You Tube. You ever try to navigate steps clinching a banana between your buttocks? I had to "crab" up sideways two flights of steps...the sweat was running down my back by the time I made it up the last step and into the bathroom. Flash forward...I spent the entire evening running into the bathroom. My poor husband, gentleman that his is, slept on the couch. My bottom was so sore and raw - subsequent applications of Preparation H were so painful that I almost fainted. And I could hear in my mind was Johnny Cash's song "Ring of Fire"- down, down, down through that burning ring of fire. Yowwwww Anonymous on Jun 9 2018, 20:52

Corn King ROCKS ! Anonymous on Jun 21 2020, 13:06

My roommates and I used a box of kashi as a laxative. No joke. Anonymous on Jul 7 2020, 20:29

I ate Kashi early this morning and have been blowing up ever since Anonymous on Aug 23 2020, 12:04

I think Kashi in Japanese translates to Stay off the subway. Anonymous on Sep 20 2020, 19:37 i miss this place so much i wish it was still active Anonymous on Oct 2 2020, 16:02

I caught my husband cheating on me thankfully my friend gave me a reliable contact 'hacksecrete@ gmail. c o m' call and text 617 402-2260 he works with discretion and delivers, he does all sort of hacks, access to social networks, icloud, and many more. Viber chats hack, Facebook messages and yahoo messengers remotely, call phone GPs location tracking, spy on whats app messages i

Page 242 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

would prefer to let his service speak for itself also improve dept on credit cards his service are cheap you can contact him if you have similar issue and tell him i referred you to him. he's a man with heart of gold. Anonymous on Oct 8 2020, 16:47

My saga begins 5 hours ago. I purchased a box of your standard fiber one bars, as you do, in an attempt to get more fiber in my diet. Alas after a Star Wars marathon and an unwillingness to cook dinner, I had finished the entire box. I thought nothing of it, until I laid down in my bed. The sounds of the kraken breaking its chains at the bottom of point Nemo echoed through my halls and scared my mother. The smell was something you’d imagine came from one of HR Geiger’s bio-organic nightmares. I rushed to the toilet and from there it only got worse. My porcelain sanctum acted as an amplifier for my rectal death metal and before I knew it my siblings were laughing their asses off behind the door. I was mortified. Eventually I started laughing too, but the extra pressure from me chortling like a goblin that just stole a baby forced another blast. This one was different. Gondor now calls for aid, and the glorious bellow of the horn smells like the inside of my grandfathers coffin. The stench was nightmarish. I heard my brother gag and ask “Jesus Christ is that the fart?― Yes. Yes it is. After my chocolate bar fueled colonic I walked the red carpet back to my room where I turned on “The Empire Strikes Back― and all was well. But now it has returned. Even now I write this atop the shitter. My anus begs for mercy, but fiber one has none. College ramen binges have nothing on this. This is pure hatred distilled into a rectangle of flavor. May the gods have mercy on my soul. Anonymous on Dec 14 2020, 00:33

I work in a very quiet, small room in a library. (Sadly there is no ventilation whatsoever) I chose the wrong morning to eat three bowels of Kashi because the internal auditor needed to come in and review some things. Let's just say she was ASTOUNDED by the smell and had "never thought anyone could build up gas so efficiently". SMH!! Anonymous on Dec 18 2020, 10:38

So a bit of a backstory here: As my nickname suggests, I absolutely LOVE the smell of my own ass gas. Like I take "everyone likes the smell of their own brand" to new heights. One of my favourite things to do is purposefully eat foods I know will give me bad gas, and then lie in bed with a fan next to the bed, with the sheet drapped over the fan and the pressure from the breeze holding the sheets up on their own creating a little fort. I call it my "Dirty Dutch Oven Fart Fort". I then proceed to literally and vigourously huff my own gas for hours. THAT is how much I love to fart. So after learning about Fibre 1 bars, I said to myself "I have to try this". So NYE 2020I bought an entire box and ate all 5 bars one after the other at 4pm. I was gonna send 2020 off with a bang. I made sure to drink plenty of water throughout the day. At about 8PM and nothing I started to feel like I had been ripped off. Then at 10PM it happened. I let out one of the biggest farts I've ever let out in my life. It's now 3am and I'm still letting rip farts that suprise even me. Sadly, they don't smell. Like even at ALL. I even tried "cupping the cake" on them, which is when you cupped your hand right on your bare asshole, fart on it, then immediately bring it up to your nose and huff it (interestingly, i've noticed farts smell way different this way too, must be something about them dispersing and mixing with the air). Even with the cupping the cake, nothing. Not a trace of smell. So in that sense I'm disappointed. HOWEVER, I'm going to repeat this experiment tomorrow and combine it with foods that are tried and true methods of producing truly deliciously fragrant ass gas. I'll update you on the results Anonymous on Jan 1 2021, 05:54

After eating kashi religiously, i have not stopped farting for close 2 five days. I fart close to 100 times a day. I looked up the average farts in a day this morning. It was 20. I started counting and hit 20 in around 40 minutes. Smells like absolute shit too. Its thick and inescapable. Ive been eating it for 3 years and somehow someway just started noticing this problem. It used to happen if it was more than 2 bowls a day. Now im blasting off with just a half a serving with soymilk. The other i farted so much that when I left my house my parents noticed b.o. It is so intense and gross that i get instant swamp ass and feel the need to shower only to fart directly after turning the shower off. I lather my hole once more and bam i blasted another fatty stinker. It sucks that i might have to leave kashi in the past may as well enjoy shitting my pants for the rest of the week. Anonymous on Feb 3 2021, 01:49

I’ve had stomach pains and terrible farts for days. I was beginning to get concerned and I thought to myself, I’ve been eating a lot of protein from this new cereal... let me just Google. Needless to say, this thread has helped the fear. I’m gonna cut out eating it for the next few days to see if it cures the toots. Maybe I’ll come back to do a follow up ???? Anonymous on Feb 4 2021, 23:01

You guys are idiotic fuck wads this movie holds a big place in my childhood I loved it and I still do I thought it was beautiful and I

Page 243 / 244 Blog Export: Please God No, http://www.pleasegodno.com/

actually connected to the wild things sooooo you all stink this movie was great and still is Anonymous on Mar 6 2021, 18:34

This weekend I became the god of all farting thanks to eating an entire box of those little yummy lemon squares....at one point I let loose a fart that I thought might bring down a wall. My neighbors children started laughing hearing it echo out my open windows. Those bars are pretty good, and great for folks like myself who are sugar free living....but wow...oh wow such long loud blasts.... Anonymous on Apr 5 2021, 09:56

Finally!! Answers!!! I can't believe this thread started FOURTEEN years ago and Kashi Go Lean is still the same, folks! I even blamed my almond milk during WEEKS of torture and finally changed to coconut yogurt when the culprit was sitting in my cupboard all along... Never again... where is all the massive amount of air coming from??? I cried and laughed so much reading this thread though!!! Anonymous on May 28 2021, 16:16

Oh my god. Had my first Kashi ever today and spent the entire afternoon farting away and pooping too. Thank GOD for Covid and my new remote work lifestyle. I simply cannot imagine the poor soul who ventured into kashiland while working in an actual establishment with people who are not your long suffering spouse. Even the dog was shocked. So I googled Kashi Farts and lo and behold! Maybe someone in the building in Miami that collapsed today had eaten Kashi? Anonymous on Jun 25 2021, 01:48

I never ate Kashi but my farts sounded like yours last night. And I farted at Six Flags Over GA. Anonymous on Jul 22 2021, 11:22

Monique, please make a video and commented words of it. Anonymous on Jul 22 2021, 11:27

I have always like this bacon for yrs. It is not as bad as described. AT ALL!!It's a matter of ones preference,taste, budget, availability ect. I did learn something that has unfortunately made me think twice to ever purchase it again, regardless of how much I like it. It's a product of Tyson's. Enuff said!! Anonymous on Aug 13 2021, 09:19

Page 244 / 244