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Mindful Anger Dr. Andrea Brandt, Phd. MFT Mental, Emotional and Physical Distress

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Mindful Anger Dr. Andrea Brandt, Phd. MFT Mental, Emotional and Physical Distress Mindful Anger Dr. Andrea Brandt, PhD. MFT Mental, Emotional and Physical Distress Anger is our response to trauma. Anger is an energy that is stored in our bodies, as a result of trauma and/or taking on a false self. We need to go into this energy, sit with it, feel it, explore it and then release it. We just don’t want to spew it or continue to clamp it down. Purpose of Anger Anger truly has a wealth of information. - The body often gives us signals: when the mind is unaware of a problem, the body is an important channel to listen to in order to understand our present state of being. - Exploring our anger makes us look at ourselves- our values, needs, boundaries, and belief systems- and ask, “What’s going on here? Is this working for me? Does something need to change to better align to what I truly want? How can I arrange this better? What is in everyone’s best interests?” Ways trauma gets encoded in the body: Anger Depression Anxiety PTSD Substance abuse Dissociation Buried anger can cause depression, apathy, laziness, insecurity, shyness, and passivity. We lose our sense of self-esteem, self-respect and boundaries, and cause damage to our relationships, career, and social status. These emotions help us to survive borderline. The Goal… Is to get to the WISDOM anger holds so we can restore the inner resources that were cut off in childhood by abuse and neglect… What is meant by “resources” are somatic responses that expand upon our current, existing coping strategies, even the maladaptive ones. For example, the person could be compliant and submissive, and rather than taking those resources away, we want to add the resources of setting boundaries and standing up for themselves. Don’t Get Rid of Your Anger – Use it Even though anger that is trapped or unprocessed is toxic, the goal is not to get rid of it, but to use it for all it’s worth. Anger In – Anger Out - “Anger in , Anger out” expresses the full spectrum of healing - “Anger in” relates to recognizing the arrival of anger; becoming aware of it at the onset through the process of mindfulness. - “Anger out” encompasses both the steps of processing and expressing anger verbally in a constructive way and letting it soften, moving the energy through our bodies. - This is a good place to ask a person how their “symptom” of anger helped them to survive. As Janina Fisher says, “The symptoms tell the story better than the story.” In other words, the body doesn’t lie. It’s about honoring our anger and honoring our body. The Benefits of Mindful Anger: Using this Volatile Emotion to Heal Unless we do the counterintuitive thing of sitting with our feelings, which includes bodily sensations, and we won’t be able to release them…and get: - The power - To learn to set boundaries - Our needs met - To have more honest and authentic communication - Greater intimacy - Meaningful relationships We need to REFRAME anger for maximum therapeutic benefit. The Key Role of Anger in Emotional Freedom Anger is bad. Right? Anger, in fact is good. The first important thing for people to know is that behaving badly when you are angry doesn’t mean that you are bad. The second important thing to know is that anger isn’t bad either. It is an uncomfortable feeling; sometimes distasteful and destructive, but what really feels bad to us, is our own responses to anger – fuming, spewing, discharging and suppressing the sensations. Gaining the Wisdom of your Anger Steps of resolving anger requires processing our feelings and releasing them. This process has multiple steps: - Feeling the sensations and impulses in our body. - Tracking the emotions and memories - Reflecting on the distorted and limiting thoughts and beliefs. - Choosing how we want to act on the anger. - Consciously letting the anger go – producing the freedom that comes with its release. What is Mindfulness? Mindfulness is the state of mind in which we intentionally focus on our internal selves in the present. We observe our thoughts and feelings but do not judge them. The Mindful Brain author Dr. Daniel Siegel, makes it easier for us to remember what to do with his acronym C.O.A.L. which reminds us of the qualities we approach ourselves with when we are being truly mindful. They are Curiosity, Openness, Acceptance, and Love. Anger Myths Myth Reality Anger is bad. Be nice so people will like you. Actually, mistrust can result when people don’t know where you really stand. Feeling angry will bring more harm than benefit. Feeling our anger allows us to identify our needs – communicating what we learn can help us get what we want. Confronting issues is too painful and People feel more comfortable when uncomfortable. you are being vulnerable and honest. If you let yourself become angry Anger is more likely to erupt in out of you will lose control and do control emotional outbursts if it is something you’ll regret. Regularly suppressed. If you let yourself feel your anger, By experiencing these feelings, you will you won’t be able to accomplish be able to determine how you feel the things you need to do. About a situation and make mindful choices about what you want to do. Anger is not good for relationships. Expressing your anger in mindful, safe, and appropriate ways can actually strengthen your relationships. .
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