LGBTQIA+ Student Panel April 28, 2021 3 to 4 p.m.

SDCOE Facilitators • Dr. Fabiola Bagula, Senior Director, Equity Department • Anthony Ceja, Senior Manager, System of Supports Department • Felicia Singleton-Daniel, Director, System of Supports Department

Student Panelists: • Grey • Shiloh • Jax • Annalee • Chelsea

Student Moderators • Evan • Camille

Dr: Fabiola Bagula: Welcome everyone! This is one of our favorite things that we do here as an Equity department and in partnership with our Student Services division as well. My name is Fabiola Bagula, she/her/hers and again on behalf of San Diego County Office of Education, we welcome you and we're very grateful that you're spending your afternoon here with us. As listeners and I know that we're here to listen to our students, we always ask that we take a listening stance that's very open heart, open mind, and open will and then of course leaning into Silko who is an American Indian scholar who states that our stories are not for our entertainment, but it is, they are for our learning. I know that all of us that are here to bear witness and to listen to children's stories that we're actually going to be impact change, back at our schools as a result of what we hear today. Thank you so much for joining us. I want to preface by saying that the slides that were created today, were a request of the student panelists. They, we talked to them about what would be the good dataset to have us go through and so this was their suggestion. I love that they have this level of autonomy and voice and it's of course our pleasure to amplify it. What we're going to do first is we're going to go over some brief data, but of course the majority of our time will be listening to our students and then in the end what they also suggested is they made a list of resources for all of our school systems. Again, when I think about amplifying student voice and agency and leadership the children you are about to listen are complete. They all, we should just hire them to run this department, quite frankly. They're going to be beautiful. This is some data from across our county and what I just want you to take a look at is the number of students that we have here in San Diego county, the number of students

Page 1 of 17 who according to the California Healthy Kids survey identified mail, identified female, and identified non-binary. And I know the question that is on the slide is "what do you notice", "what are you curious about”, but I just want you to pay attention to that data set. Now moving forward to another piece of data is again what do you notice and what are you curious about now? As we know the California Healthy Kids survey is done with not all grades, but some grades and so we have some data on self-reported sexual orientation for grade 7,9, and 11. Again as you look at these numbers, as you look at self-reported sexual orientation, what do you notice and what are you curious about? These are the questions we should have because we should be very mindful that the children before us are sitting in our cis school systems and I know I always strive to do the best, but I also know that I might have, I made some mistakes that I want to correct. This session is again for us to get closer to understanding, to get bath, past allyship, and being more of an accomplice on behalf of our LGBTQIA+ youth and community. I'm know going to pass it along to Miss Singleton who is, I'm proud to be your, your colleague and friend.

Felicia Singleton: Thank you so much and thank you Dr. Fabi. I too am proud to work alongside you and very proud to be here today as I am in the spirit of transparency learning to be a better accomplice. As Dr. Fabi said these young people have taught us so much as we prepared for this workshop. I want to point that out because I want to make it clear that you never reach a point of completion. This is a journey that we're all on as we're learning together and when we know better than, when we know better, we can do better. Keeping on with this same critical self-reflection, taking a look at suicide ideation and if you look at the date 2017 through 2019, this was even before the COVID-19 pandemic. When you look at this data think about your own context. Think about your own position of privilege in your role as an educator and the opportunities that you have to support young people who may be in your system struggling with all of the challenges that come with identifying something that is outside of the norm in our society. Here's school disconnectedness. This is a buzz word. Student engagement and feeling welcome and belonging, but again when you look at this specific demographic group, let's look at how disconnected they feel in school. Again, doing your own critical self-reflection, what do you notice, what are you curious about, but how can you leverage the power in your context to disrupt this? On our next slide LGBTQ youth are 120% more likely to experience homelessness. You can read this, but I want to say it again LGBTQ youth are 120% more likely to experience homelessness and this could be for various reasons. Think about again how we're supporting are youth, so they feel safe to come to us and tell us what challenges they're having. It may be at home because they're not out or because they come out and they're not welcome in their home. They are pushed out on the streets, so how can we leverage our positions of power and privilege in our systems to give these youth the support that they need to ensure that they're taken care of? Here are just some quantitative snippets on how our young people feel when they're in our school systems and we ignore their identities. We ignore their chosen name, right, we're, we're totally ignored who they show up as and who they are as a person and we are in many ways erasing who they are. These are actual quotes from our young people, and I'll just give you a couple seconds to read them. If you notice, it's basic needs like using the restroom or being in a health class that doesn't acknowledge their gender identity or sexual orientation. In our next couple of slides really lean into the theory of intersectionality. Intersectionality is a term coined by Kimberlé

Page 2 of 17 Crenshaw, who is a civil rights attorney and professor. Really in talking about intersectionality we often talk about it as our gender and our race and how they intersect, but in reality, because we live in a society that tends to discriminate and push folks who are different to the margins, think of intersectionality as layers of overlapping weights that you're putting on. When you talk about race, when you talk about your identity, when you talk about your sexual orientation, or your gender, you know those are different weights because you're treated certain ways with all of those identities. Then you layer that on with the experiences of racism, so you feel already ostracized and pushed to the margins as someone that's identifying as LGBTQ and then, when you add the layer of race on there, there is another layer of discrimination. Again, these are just some data sets that we want you to not only view but think about how you can consume them and then apply them to your context. Lastly, we're looking at the bullying data. Again the, the courage that these youth have to show up and be their authentic selves, it cost them a lot of ways and this bullying data is alarming because this type of behavior often leads to that suicidal ideation or suicide completion. We're hoping that today you will hear their stories. We also want to say that these stories are the stories of these young people, but there are youth who chose not to come forward today because of fear. Fear of being outed, fear of retaliation and repercussions, but again we thank you today for just taking this stuff with us as we learn more from our students’ voices.

Dr. Bagula: Again, I love that our students gave us the suggestions as to which data points to present and I also want to thank the Equity department, Ebonee Weathers that helped us create those slide decks that will be made available to you. Without further ado and what we would like to, of course, give the most of our time is to our students. I want to introduce to you both Evan and Camille who will be our MCs and honestly, I can just be quiet now because they are so good. Evan and Camille, it's all you.

Camille: Hi everyone, good afternoon. To start us off, to start our panel off we are going to go around and share our names, how we identify and a bit about who we'd like to honor for being here today. So, I'll start us off. My name is Camille. I use she/her pronouns. I identify as a queer person and today I'd like to dedicate this conversation to all the queer and trans youth who are being targeted discriminatory legislation that's occurring in our country today. All youth deserve to feel loved, safe, and seen. Next Chelsea, would you like to start introducing yourself?

Chelsea: Thank you, yeah. Hi, I'm Chelsea, my pronouns are she/her and I'm dedicating this conversation to queer activists in the past you've made it possible for us to be here today.

Camille: Wonderful, thank you for being here Chelsea. Grey, can you introduce yourself?

Grey: Yeah. Hi, I'm Grey. I identify a trans-masc Latino person and I'm dedicating this conversation to everybody who's here to work on their allyship journey and to struggling trans youth, especially because of the legislation that's happening right now.

Page 3 of 17 Camille: Thank you for being here today Grey. Annalee, would you like to introduce yourself?

Annalee: Yes. Hello, I'm Annalee, my pronouns are she/her and I identify as a queer Asian and I'm dedicating this conversation to my grandmother because she's always believed and supported me.

Camille: Thank you so much for being here Annalee. Shiloh, would you like to introduce yourself?

Shiloh: Yes. My name is Shiloh, I use they and them. I identify as queer, and I am dedicating this conversation to my mentor and queer role model Jen because they have supported me throughout my queer experience.

Camille: Wonderful thank you for being here Shiloh. Jax, would you like to introduce yourself?

Jax: Absolutely, my name is Jax, and I use he/they pronouns. I identity as transmasculine, to non-conforming, bisexual and someone on the A spectrum. I'm dedicating this conversation to all current students who are not yet out of school or at home or do not have support in these environments because y'all need the most support from us with more privilege.

Camille: Thank you so much Jax. Thank you for being here. Evan, would you like to introduce yourself?

Evan: Yes, thank you Camille. My name is Evan, my pronouns are they/them/theirs. I identify as a A-gender, A-sexual person of Romani descent. I'm dedicating this conversation to my twin sister because without her bravery I wouldn't be here on my journey. We're going to go ahead, and our first kind of official question is going to be what has been your experience with assumptions that are made for your being LGBTQ? Speaking from my own experience I'll say that while I was in high school, I was very vocal about my identity, both my gender and my sexual orientation until a lot of folks including my teachers made some assumptions that I was an expert about the LGBTQ community at that age. I wasn't out at home. I didn't know a whole lot about advocacy nor my own rights and so a lot of times I was stuck in awkward or uncomfortable positions because I would be asked questions that I didn't necessarily know the answer to. That was an assumption that folks made about me and my own experience. I'm going to open it up now to our panelists starting with Chelsea.

Chelsea: Okay, so I've experienced not so much as assumptions about being queer, but assumptions about something about not being queer. In school particularly teachers often default to cis and straight unless students indicate otherwise. For example, say a guy gets a text in class and the teacher will jokingly say, "oh is it your girlfriend? haha" or the teacher will see a feminine student in a skirt and be like, "oh, that's a girl" and use she/her. This might seem like not that harmful, but these, this idea of cis/het as the default can be really problematic and causes a lot of strife for queer people particularly queer people who aren't

Page 4 of 17 out yet. It would really be better if we could just limit these assumptions in any way possible.

Camille: Thank you so much Chelsea. That's a really significant point and I'm really glad you made that. Grey, would you like to answer next?

Grey: Yeah. Personally, I've always been very masculine. As a child I was assigned female birth, but when I was three years old my parents will put me in dresses and I would like kick and scream and cry because I was like I just don't like them, you know, I didn't like the color pink and I was just pretty traditionally masculine. In a lot of ways, I got to ask a lot when I was younger like, "are you a boy or a girl, are you?" Insert slurs, "are you trans?" All these sorts of things people would sort of like pick and prod at my identify to like a very young child. So, in a lot of ways I would refer back to be like, "oh yeah of course I'm a girl" because I won't think anything else and so I think that having the look of someone who's queer has made people pick at my identity and make them feel like they deserve something from me like some sort of answer about who I am or what I am. Yeah, that was one of the things in my childhood that was really, it really affected me.

Evan: Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing that with us. I appreciate it. Annalee, would you like to share next?

Annalee: I've also had problems with people assuming my sexual orientation or my gender by what I wear and my hair style. Last year when I had shorter hair people thought I was a boy at first and then they thought I was gay, which was hurtful, and it also took me a long time for me to come out and a lot of difficulties with finally being able to wear what I want to wear.

Evan: Thank you so much. Both you and Grey bring up those assumptions that are made based on our physical appearance. I think that's really significant that we be mindful of when going into these conversations. Shiloh?

Shiloh: Yeah. The one that I experienced most like at school, especially is that people assume that because I am pretty visibly queer and I'm president of my GSA that LGBT are all I'm going to talk about and it's often not what I'm talking at a school. I'm asking if we had math homework, not last night not if we are interested in dismantling the gender, you know. It isn't what I'm talking about at school. Another assumption that I find kind of Evan was mentioning earlier, is that people assuming I can explain and justify my identities. Especially that once I've come out, that's it. I did it once I got it right the first time and it's never going to change. I'm 17, everything, my whole personality changes every two weeks, so I need, it's a constant experience of learning more about myself and coming out and asking people to maybe refer to me one way or another. That's my experience.

Evan: Thank you so much for sharing that, Shiloh. I think that piece of you know you all are still exploring your identities and learning about yourselves in tandem with homework and social pressure and so that's really a potent piece to this conversation as well, thank you. Jax?

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Jax: My experience is as a queer person have been rather fortunate. I've faced little discrimination for how I identify and intentionally surround myself with other queer people because I know it's more likely for me to be treated the way that I want to be around people who are like me. I haven't heard nor experienced any assumptions around my queerness.

Evan: Thank you for being honest about that. I think sometimes we get very caught up in the visibility aspect and the harm that's done to us as queer youth. That it's also important to remember that you all are strong and resilient and are able to surround yourself with positive people as well. Camille I would also love to hear from you about your own experiences with assumptions.

Camille: Absolutely, thank you and thank you for everyone for sharing. Those are some incredible points. For myself personally, I've heard a lot of assumptions about queer and trans identities being something that youth especially latch onto because they are trendy or maybe adults who aren't understanding of these identities are seeing them more the news and the media and so they're thinking that youth who've had these identities are just following trends when that's an extremely harmful assumption to, to hold and to spread because youth are incredibly capable of knowing themselves and exploring their identities and we should be validating those experiences of identity exploration and formation. Because it's a beautiful thing to know yourself. So, for, we'll move on to our next question. For our third question, what is your experience with being harmed by discrimination at school for being LGBTQ? I'll share for myself personally. I went to a fairly liberal high school. Despite this, I experienced quite a bit of hostility around my queer identity. Even before I came out, I was hearing a lot of anti-gay, anti-trans slurs pretty much on a daily basis. People would make really hateful jokes and while a lot of teachers were supportive of queer and trans identities, there were teachers who would hear those jokes and say you know "well they're just joking" or "that's just their opinion" and it felt really normalized to hear those kinds of things at school. We'd love to hear from the rest of our panelists. Chelsea, can you start us off?

Chelsea: Yeah. I'm basically just going to agree with you. In school it's not really about what teachers say. It's about what they don't say. They ignore stuff. They ignore gay as a slur. They ignore misgendering and then may, they don't speak up and this creates a really negative environment for queer students in general. It can be really upsetting and honestly even scary to hear these teachers not speak up for you and just let these hurtful things pass by.

Camille: Thank you for sharing Chelsea. You bring up a great point that the absence of action can be just as harmful for us as, as the action itself and not having that support can be really hurtful as a student. Grey, would you like to share next?

Grey: Yeah. I really love what Chelsea was saying about how a lot of teachers do tend to sweep things under the rug because it opens up a better conversation about diversity and the respect of pronouns and gender identity which a lot of people don't want to have.

Page 6 of 17 Personally, with my experience, I'm kind of in a unique situation right now. I first came into my identity as a trans person while I was going to a single-sex only school so in a lot of ways it feels a little bit more archaic there since it is a bit of a traditional, more conservative administration. In a lot of ways, I feel both ostracized and sort of people are confused by me being there and then also like fetishized and objectified almost. Like, a lot of people talk about me like I'm some, like they're doing such good charity work because they're being friends with me, the little gay kid. They talk a lot too about like it's some sort of an accomplishment to be friends with me because I guess they're just being like so tolerant, yet they still don't respect my pronouns. Which is one of the biggest things there is, that my pronouns. My identity isn't respected. I've gotten a lot of people like, "so why would you go here if you don't identify, you know, as a girl?" and I was like well not everybody has the option to move schools. Not everybody has the means to come out to their family. Me personally I didn't realize before I came here, due to a lot of internalized transphobia.

Camille: Thank you for sharing your experience Grey. You bring up an excellent point that teachers often shy away from topics that they feel uncomfortable or unknowledgeable about and that should be an indicator that, you know, to educate yourself and help support those students with your new knowledge, so thank you. Annalee, can you share, next?

Annalee: I agree with everything that you guys have been saying about how teachers do not acknowledge the harassment going on. Just as the struggle with language and there's a lot of ignorance between not knowing the difference between gender and sexual identity. In one of my classes some people were talking about they didn't understand why someone would change their gender, but still date someone of the opposite sex and why they shouldn't just stay their original, the gender that they were given at birth.

Camille: Thank you for sharing an Annalee. I think that's a really common misconception that you bring up that gender and sexual identity are one in the same when they're two very different, different things that we experience both on the spectrum of their own. Shiloh, can you go ahead and share?

Shiloh: Absolutely. I know one of the many experiences that I've had is a lot of offhand comments, not in the classrooms, but like in the hallways or during lunch. It's kind of what's been mentioned, so gay or that's really fruity. For some reason fruity is more as common in my school and it's never been directed at me. It was never even made too particularly hateful, but it sticks with me. I remember it walking down the halls. That's where that person was and that's where that person was or that's what class I was walking to. It really does stick with you. Another one, especially, when it comes to changing your names and asking people to use different pronouns. Seeing the experiences of others in my school who have changed their name and pronouns or even come into the school with a name that's not the legal one and with they and them pronouns and people at my school just pretty much ignoring it and not using the pronouns that the students asked for and not using the a name, makes me like uncomfortable coming out of school. They're just going to ignore what I want. Even if all my teachers, they like me and they are all super nice, but they just won't take that extra step which has always made me a little bit uncomfortable.

Page 7 of 17 Camille: Thank you so much for sharing Shiloh. You talked about how even when we experience or when we witness discrimination happening to other people, it still affects us and makes us feel less safe in our environment, so thank you for bringing that up. Jax, can you go ahead and share?

Jax: Yeah. When I first came out as trans and at the time non-binary, I face much backlash, but there was a student whom I've never spoken to before, who was outraged by my name and pronoun change. He went out of his way on a daily to misgender me and address me incorrectly when he never had to address me in the past and there's no reason to address me then. Thankfully the staff at my school are super supportive, so I spoke to GSA advisors and school counselors and eventually my situation was resolved. This was the most extreme case that I can think of, but when I...at the beginning of my 7th grade year and probably throughout the first half of that year, I was questioning my gender identity. I wasn't fully sure how I identified. I was pretty sure, but I was nonbinary, but I just wasn't sure. There's a lot of experimenting and confusion on my end and probably on other people's ends as well. At the beginning of the school year, I started very typical, going by the initial of my dead name and using they/them pronouns and I hadn't really like publicly announced, "I am trans, I use they/them". I hadn't announced it to the world, but it was something that whenever someone will use, she/her with me, I would say, hey actually I use they/them. Nobody caught on that my initial was a name change instead of a nickname. Nobody caught on that there was they/them going on and I was just my dead name and she/her for a while and fortunately I am capable of really putting my foot down, setting boundaries, being clear with people, but some people are not super capable of that. I had to have courage to really put my foot down and say this is my name, these are my pronouns, nothing else, this is how I have to be referred to. Like Shiloh mentioned I also, I've had so many questions around things that I didn't know because I'm, I'm especially at the time was not a genius on the community. I was so confused myself. I've been asked how many genders there are yeah and it's like, what, so it's, it's definitely been, there's been a lot of interesting experiences on my end as well.

Camille: Thank you for sharing that experience Jax. I'm sorry that you experienced that hostility, but I'm so glad that you had those self-advocacy skills to, to put in place and stick up for yourself. It just shows how important it is that the adults around us also advocate for our safety. Evan, would you like to close out that question for us?

Evan: Of course, thank you so much, like with a lot of our youth said that piece of inaction from the adults in this space can be hugely impactful and another piece to that is your intent or your tone when you're interacting with LGBTQ students. In my own experience with discrimination while I was in high school, in my senior year, there was a teacher who took some sort of issue with my name change and my pronouns and it was the tone with which this teacher said my name, I knew that he was only humoring me. Being very mindful of those pieces we as, especially as trans folks I find are very sensitive to the kind of subconscious cues you're giving, you know, that the verbal eye roll is kind of how we refer to it in my own work and in my own organization. We hear that and, and we see the body language. We see the way you respond to us. Being very mindful of, of those internal biases that you may have and how do you address that within yourself so you can best serve these

Page 8 of 17 youths who you have signed up to serve. I don't think it was a piece of this teacher being intentionally harmful. I genuinely believe there was discomfort with not knowing what was going on. So, it's, it's just another piece to that education. Our next question that we have is a significant tone change for our last, so what or who has been most helpful to you in becoming an empowered young person. For myself, I mentioned my person in my dedication today, my twin sister. I'm very lucky to have who is also LGBTQ identifying. She came out before me and when I was starting to question my gender, she was very, she was very helpful in that she would use the they/them pronouns for me outside of our home where it was safe for me, but at home where I was still in the closet and I'd had some hostility from my parents when I'd initially come out. She continued to use she/her pronouns which were safe for me. She did that for a period of six years before I was able to finally come out to my parents again and be heard. My sister's advocacy for myself showed me that I'm worth advocacy and I'm worth self-advocacy and that allowed me to take that on and take on her role for so many other young folks. I love this question and I love hearing what folks’ answers are to this one. Chelsea, I would love to hear who or what has empowered you?

Chelsea: This is a little bit of a cliche answer, but I'd probably say my parents because they're very supportive and they've help me become who I am today.

Evan: It's not a cliche and if it is it's a cliche for a reason. Our parents are really significant to our lives. Thank you for sharing that and I'm glad that they have you and you have them. Grey?

Grey: This is an interesting question just for me specifically because I have always been like a very outspoken and kind of a fiery person. Like I mentioned before when I was three years old, I decided I don't want to dress like that and I would like, that was the first argument with my dad really and I won it. That's just always how I've been. I always sort of knew how I wanted to dress and I, I guess I just had a sense of direction and one of the worst things that, it was, it was a hard feeling when I started getting into middle school and being more aware of, you know, how I'm social, being socialized was that a lot of that self- determination was kind of being tampered down by you know, comments from other people from being socialized in the society that we live in. I'd say, you know, teachers who praised me. I had a 7th grade science teacher who was just like super kind to me, was always very supportive and he was one of the most impactful people I think in my life, just like academically, but he was always very supportive and tried to include diversity, you know in the school. Was just like a very big advocate himself, so I think myself and a few of my teachers I think who really supported that aspect of my personality even if they didn't know about my identity or gender or sexual identity. I just think that being encouraged in that allowed me to sort of get back to that childhood sense of nonchalance I had about expressing what it is that I wanted.

Evan: It's important that we as adults who serve you are actively empowering you all and helping you to fuel that ability that you say nonchalance, but you know, those abilities to speak for yourself and also brush off the things that aren't going so well. Thank you so much for sharing that. Annalee?

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Annalee: First, listening to the news about people being harassed and stuff influenced me to speak out again that stuff. My English teacher this year has helped me join two organizations, the Diverse for Our Narrative and the GSA Club.

Evan: And the presence of these sorts of clubs on campuses is hugely influential to the success and the well-being of our LGBTQ students, so I really appreciate you bringing that up as well as that significance of seeing LGBTQ stories, right, in the news and in media. Thank you for sharing. Shiloh?

Shiloh: Thank you. What's been most helpful for me is seeing and interacting with like queer adults who are happy and thriving and out and proud in all faucets of their life. Just because I feel like the narrative we always see in media and in our day to day lives are teens who are struggling with their identity and with acceptance and also with just the chaos that is living life as a teenager ever. Seeing these queer adults and being like wow, no I can grow up and be fine and have my life figured out and be okay and be still super queer, you know, all the time. Especially, getting that support system in a way that you're, maybe your friends and family can't just because they don't understand that part of who you are to the extent of someone who is also queer, is also LGBT can understand your experiences through that lens, so that's been really helpful for me.

Evan: Yeah, I mean I can remember for myself the first time I ever an adult using they/them pronouns in a professional environment and how that impacted my outlook on my own future, so I really appreciate you bringing that up Shiloh. Thank you. And Jax.

Jax: San Diego Pride youth programs have been my rock throughout my gender journey and my personal activism. I spend time with them twice a week and I'm always thrilled to be present. I consider a lot of the volunteers there to be family, community support. Whether it be through nonprofits or even through school has absolutely made the biggest impact on me.

Evan: Thank you for bringing that up Jax. That sort found family aspect is hugely influential to a lot of us in this community. Camille I'd love to hear from you too.

Camille: Absolutely. The people, oh sorry, the people who were most influential in helping me because an empowered young adult were those staff members who noticed that I was maybe struggling with something and sat, sat me down and asked me what was going on and created safe spaces in that school building to listen to me. Also, those who encouraged me to find community outside of school so, showed me resources for places like San Diego Pride and The Center in San Diego, GSA Network. All of these organizations that help empower youth queer youth were really influential for me. Our next question is what might you need or want from the adults around you at school? This can be how they, how they can better support you, right? For me personally, I feel that sometimes when things are controversial topics the adults in schools, especially teachers might encourage students to host debates on these topics. I know that when I was in school, I was asked to debate things like queer rights or trans rights or the rights of people of color in our country. Those were

Page 10 of 17 really actually harmful moments for me as a, as a student growing up because I felt it should be pressed that these rights should be a given, right? We shouldn't really have to be made to debate our space and our existence, especially not in school environment. If that could, those topics should be refrained in schools is how I feel. I'd love to hear from our panelists. Chelsea, can you go first?

Chelsea: Yeah, thank you. I think one of the most important things teachers can do is use diverse curriculum and advocate for curriculum change. When you look at middle and high school curriculum there's very little mention of queerness at all which just isn't fair, right. In English we should read books about queer characters. We should read book by queer authors and in history we should learn about queer activism and queer people in the past, past, sorry. Another point of diverse curricula, curriculum is inclusive sex ed. Sex ed is currently becoming much inclusive. Just in the time I've gone through it in middle school and high school, I've seen it grow and become more diverse and that's amazing to watch, but one thing that is still lacking is trans-inclusive sex ed. Right now, all the sex ed were taught in school is from a very cis-gender, binary viewpoint and that just needs to change.

Camille: Absolutely. Thank you for that point Chelsea. I really appreciate that you brought up representation and the importance of that in classrooms and also in sex ed, inclusive sex ed allows trans and queer youth to grow up to be healthy adults, so that's really important. Thank you. Annalee, can you share next?

Annalee: Yes. I really appreciate when teachers ask for pronouns. It just makes me, people feel safe and then also showing their support for LGBTQ people, by either putting up safe space posters or some form of a gay flag or something like that. Also, the diverse curriculum.

Camille: Thank you for sharing that Annalee. Yeah, something as simple as putting up a little sticker to show that your room is a safe space can be so impactful for students to see, so thank you. Grey, can you go ahead and share next?

Grey: Yeah. I love them both in Annalee and Chelsea were saying. I really think that to create a space as a teacher where students feel like they can confide in you or come out to you is absolutely incredible. I know that my teacher has like a little pride flag and as soon as I walked in, I said, you know, at least that's there. That made me feel a little bit safer and I also think that putting your pronouns in your zoom name is just like a little thing you can do to if you are teaching on zoom, right? That way people, at least students know that you're like being aware of using people's proper pronouns. They might be feeling more comfortable asking you or having you ask them about their pronouns. I think really just trying to educate yourself, you know. There’re really good documentaries about the trans experience, about queer experiences, reading historical queer literature because really our history is oppressed. I mean if you think, you're here probably because you don't really know all that much about queer or trans people and because it's not taught, it's not taught in History. It's not really spoken about in the media and because our history's being suppressed and a lot of us historically have been so discriminated against. We weren't really surviving, or we weren't coming out and being out and proud about it. I think that

Page 11 of 17 you have to do the extra work to learn about the history in order to be a better ally and to be just generally more educated. It really helps with compassion and a general understanding of sort of like the systematic layers of oppression that a lot of queer youth face.

Camille: Absolutely. Thank you Grey for sharing that. I think that including queer histories in classes is really important because then we, we feel empowered that our community has accomplished some amazing feat throughout time. It also brings us back to the point that these identities aren't a trend. We've existed forever. Queer and trans people have existed forever. History is an amazing tool to learn that. Shiloh, can you share?

Shiloh: Definitely. What I find really helpful with adults at school and what they should be doing more is speaking out against rude remarks and discrimination and sure this is an LGBT panel, but also just across the board. It doesn't matter who the student is. If there are kind of like terms or phrases being used that are rude or discriminatory, like that should be stopped in a classroom no matter what. It should be a safe space for every student. Another thing that I think would be awesome is if teachers asked every single student for their name and pronouns. Not just the ones who look like they might be using something that's different then what's on their record because, you know, who knows how someone is going to be expressing. It does not have to line up with what they identify as. It would make someone who might have been a little worried to come out, make them that much more comfortable using the name that they actually want to use. The pronouns they actually want to use. Also, like what's been mentioned earlier is just queer inclusive sex ed is important.

Camille: Thank you so much Shiloh. When teachers ask for everyone's pronouns it makes it so much of a more emotionally and physically safer space for trans youth and queer youth so that they can feel like they can share their pronouns without being singled out. Jax?

Jax: As far as I'm aware the adults at my school are, are already doing a fantastic job at supporting me and other queer students there, which I'm so thankful for. The best thing that school staff can do to help queer students is educating themselves. There are plenty of queer people, myself included, who are more than interested in sharing their knowledge and their experiences, especially via presentation, whether 1 person or multiple people, etc. Finding and following queer accounts on social media, asking questions, just educating yourself in general is the basis for providing support. You can't support someone if you don't know the difference between what is helpful and what is harmful.

Camille: Thank you Jax. You bring up a great point about having adults educate themselves as well as listening to our voices and the voices of youth, right? Sometimes when we rely too much on marginalized peoples to educate us about their experience, that's a huge mental load for us to carry, so thank you for bringing that up. Alright, Evan?

Evan: Yeah, thank you. My answer also falls really close to Jax's. I was very lucky that one of the first teachers I told about my gender identity had the understanding that I didn't have all the answers. I'm a social work student and one of the things we talked about a lot is this

Page 12 of 17 idea of cultural humility and professional curiosity and this was a teacher who referred to all of us by Mr. or Miss last name and he looked at me one morning and he said, "are you mister or miss" and I didn't know the answer. Well, I'm not sure, but you can just call me whatever's more comfortable for you and that wasn't a good enough answer for him. He wasn't okay with that and so we sat down together, and we searched up what language existed for nonbinary individuals with that same sort of context and for the rest of the year I was mixed last name Mx. That ability to say that I don't know the answer. I'm not going to expect you to know the answer, so let's find those answers together. It was something that I'd never had an adult do in my youth and it clearly has made a very lasting impact because I still remember that conversation very vividly. Our final question that we have from our pre-made list is how has the COVID-19 pandemic impacted you? I will speak from my professional perspective as somebody who works within the LGBTQ community. We have seen huge, huge amounts of youth who are reporting isolation, you know, being stuck potentially in a home with unaffirming adults. All of these different pieces can put a lot of strain on our youth and then put a lot of strain on our youth serving LGBTQ folk as well, but then there's also a lot of resiliency that's been developed. This accessibility to virtual spaces has been huge for some of our youth, at lease within my work that I've been doing. It's been a very rapid development of virtual programs, where they used to not exist at all. Huge, huge sides to this conversation of both some isolation aspects, some negative aspects and also some growth in connection and communication. Again, we are here to listen to you all as youth, so Chelsea, I'd like to hear from you first.

Chelsea: I have kind of the weird perspective of before the pandemic I wasn't really involved in activism very much and it's only this past year that I've started to join groups and get involved. I've only really seen this activism spaces through a digital lens and I'm excited to see what they look like in person.

Evan: Yeah. That's, I mean, the hope of being able to see these same spaces back in person and how they're going to have grown in this virtual time is huge. Thank you for bringing that up Chelsea. Grey?

Grey: Yeah. Before the pandemic I was only self-identified as queer. My sexuality was queer, bisexual, something along those lines and the pandemic really gave me a lot of time to sit with myself as we all have had. Did lead to a gender crisis, revelation, sort of thing. Since about the summer between 2020, somewhere of 2020, I, that's when I sort of started questioning my gender and then you know still am kind of led me to here, but also pre- pandemic I had been identifying as queer from a pretty young age. From since around I'd say the 6th grade, since I was maybe12, 13. I had a lot of, well, I had mostly I guess all queer friends at that point. One of the things that I think about a lot is that you have a school environment that is encouraging and welcoming of queer students, they will find each and they will make community, regardless of if it's welcomed. All of my friends and I started as being like very straight and then we all were like, oh maybe we're, maybe not, right? None of us knew. We just sort of found each other and that's just always how it’s really been, but I think if it's encouraging if there's community, with like a GSA, you know with advocacy groups within your school, then people can find each other more easily rather than just by coincidence. That's not the case for all queer people. Within the trans community and

Page 13 of 17 advocacy. It's something that I've also gotten to more so during the pandemic or after, during this whole sort of thing. I'm really excited to be able to interact with queer people beyond just a screen again. It really does create a sense of community which is something that has just been so lost. I feel like in general during the pandemic, but for a very long time. I miss my community.

Evan: Thank you, Grey. You brought up a lot of really significant points. One of the highlight is, is the fact that we do see a lot more of our youth who are kind of up-and-coming activist and outspoken young folks, like yourselves. I think being in the quarantine has heightened or put a certain magnifying lens to a lot of LGBTQ issues that folks are facing, and you know Annalee shared the fact that the news has impacted her advocacy. You shared that the pandemic as impacted your own, so I think that's a really significant pint and I really appreciate you bringing that up. Speaking of Annalee, would you like to share next?

Annalee: For me it's also been a platform for people to share their hate for the LGBTQ community and also me personally I've lost some of my friends during the pandemic.

Evan: While we see that increase of connection that comes from the virtual world, there's also the anonymity of online spaces and how that can make our youth a little bit more vulnerable. I appreciate you bringing that up. Being mindful of how our youth are accessing virtual spaces and making sure that they're safe in those spaces. Shiloh?

Shiloh: Yes. Before the pandemic I was spending a lot of time with queer people outside of school. I was like spending time in queer spaces on the weekends. I was hanging out with queer friends after school, in school online and it all stopped all at once, really fast, but the flip side of that was now everything was moved online. Actually, because of that I was spending even more time with queer space of people and intentional queer spaces, but also it was online. I still haven't figured out how I feel about that, but I'm just taking what I get because what can you do.

Evan: Yeah. The double-edged sword of the virtual connection versus the in person where you have a broader reach, but I miss hugging my friends. I'm so very much waiting for that time when I can walk back into like the San Diego Pride offices and say hello to everyone. Last but certainly not least Jax.

Jax: I was going to San Diego Pride in person for a few months. I'd say a few months, maybe about half a year before the pandemic hit. The commute was a little difficult for me, so I will go as much as I could, but I'll be like, I'll be significantly late to a lot of programs and I didn't get to be there as much as I wanted to. Once the pandemic hit, once we all went online, the access for me was much easier. It expanded my reach. I was able to communicate with more people and even our programs are getting people from Fresno and beyond. It's really interesting to get to talk with so many different people because before I didn't really have online friends. I wasn't communicating with people from like New York and completely different places. It's definitely expanded my reach and I've learned a lot compared to even April of last year. I've really grown and learned a lot and I don't know if I would have grown this much if it weren't for the online access that I have now.

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Evan: Yeah. It's really cool to hear about some of you all were able to connect with other LGBTQ folks. Maybe in regions where they're the only person identifying similarly to themselves in that area. The reach is, I can't get over. I'm not a very technological person so it's been very fun to watch, and I know I said last, but I meant the last of our students. Camille, I do so want to hear from you as well and about how the pandemic has impacted you.

Camille: Absolutely. Thank you, Evan., For myself the pandemic has added a bit of nervousness and hesitancy at sharing my experience in class or my, my identity in classes because with little boxes on a screen you can't really gain an awareness of whether people are accepting of queer and trans identities or how they feel. Without those moments of walking together between classes, it's, it's hard to facilitate conversations around that. And then I think it's really important for teachers to, teachers and staff to remember that a lot of kids have been home away from the only support they get around their identities which can be found at school. Sometimes home is not a safe environment to share those identities so a lot of kids might have some tough transitions back to school even though they're really excited to, to be in those environments again. I want to thank everyone for sharing their stories and their personal experiences today. I'm going to pass it back to Fabiola now.

Dr. Bagula: Hello and there was a couple of questions in the chat that I'm just going to open up to see if anyone wants to answer. We had one. Let me see, let me find it. It was about what is something a teacher has done that made you feel affirmed and validated? And Grey thank you for answering that on the chat. Is there anyone else that wants to offer something that a teachers done? Chelsea.

Chelsea: Something that a teacher had done for me that was really great was just saying the word gay in class. I distinctly remember the first time I heard the word gay in school was 6th grade. We were reading a story about a pizza man who delivered pizza to everyone regardless of ethnicity, race, gender and then it said the pizza man delivers to everyone whether they're gay or straight. Just hearing that in class made such a change for me and at the same time it is, there is kind of a dark side to that, you know. I never, I did not hear the word gay in school until 6th grade, until middle school. I just think acknowledging that queer people exist is a really cool thing that teachers can do.

Dr. Bagula: Go ahead Jax.

Jax: I honestly really just when I was coming out, I did not have the confidence that I have now. I remember in some classes I was fine with just standing up and saying my name is Jax, these are the pronouns I'm using. In other classes I had no confidence without whatsoever but I was telling myself like I'm just going to knock it all out today so that everyone knows from now on. It was really helpful for in the classes that I wasn't so confident in my teachers, a lot of my teachers, I significantly remember my history teacher announce it for me. Which was what I wanted, and I believe also in my, my journalism my teacher announced it for me or announced it with me and that support and that just like I'm here for you is super-duper powerful.

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Dr. Bagula: Thank you for sharing. Grey?

Grey: I just want to say one more thing to about expression. You know, if you're not in a uniform school or something like that it can be really spooky. Let's say it's someone more masc in presenting wants to wear a skirt one day or do something that's sort of out of the norm for themselves. They can get a lot of, even if it's just like regular attention, it can sometimes like negative attention. If you are, you know, if you think that that would be good for that person to be like oh, I like your outfit today. Not even like not saying that like oh you look different today, just more so like I generally think that you, you know, I like your outfit, or I think that your makeup is cool or just things. Because a lot of that stuff is us experimenting with trying to see what, what makes us feel the most, what feels the most authentic to ourselves and to have some validation that like even if you don't like it, just be like oh, you know, that's, that's cool even if they're trying something different. If they're not getting that from peers or parents, then at least they can have that little snippet from you. Because that's really helped me before.

Dr. Bagula: I know I'm here just in awe of all of you and I've learned several things from you just within this last hour. I've spent other days with you, so I'm just so blessed to actually be a part of this. I'm thinking about all of the things that I wrote down that I wanted to make sure that I remembered. I'm going to remember the default language of cis/straight and some assumptions that we make. The weight and responsibilities that we should have to educate ourselves and not, it should not be on you. Allowing space for growth and exploration. Junior high and high school is for identity formation. It's the perfect time to do that. The data on belonging that was shared in the beginning is very striking because I think overall all of us, every single human being wants to feel like they belong. The absence of action is a very strong statement I think all of us as we continue to not only go from ally to accomplice, we need to make sure that there is no absence of action on our behalf. The acknowledging of the harm. The public use of pronouns. The inclusive sex ed. The suppression of history and I want to see the suppression of history and the celebration of the positive contributions to our country and of course the notion of cultural humility and professional curiosity. Thank you so much. If we were in person, you would be getting a standing ovation. I'm hoping that the people in the audience will chat you some love and some affirmation for your time because this was truly beautiful. I know that we shared our slide deck. I'm not going to do it now because we're close to time but that slide deck has a lot of resources for us to take a look at. You can click on them. You'll be able to see them, and they'll lead you to more resources. We also want to point you in the direction of their some laws and support LGBTIA+ youth that sometimes we don't honor or don't know. It's really important for us to continue to educate ourselves. Again, these are all hyperlinked. You can read more about them but lastly and at 4 o'clock that as parents and youth serving professionals and allies, we all have a responsibility to create safe and affirming spaces so every LGBTQ youth can be out, proud, and able to thrive. Thank you very much for joining us. I know, I again, I'm so proud of being a part of this group and thank, thank you for all the students.

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