issue 41 winter 2014/15 waving not drowning the newsletter for carers and parents of disabled children who work or wish to work

Lynda Bellingham

No one worked harder than Lynda, who sadly died aged 66 in October this year. In recent times she toured constantly with Calendar Girls , appeared live on Loose Women and recorded character roles in a variety of TV dramas – often all in the same month. And yet she never turned down a request for help from the charities which were close to her heart.

Working Families was one such and she was one of our Vice Patrons for many, many years. I well remember the day she fitted in recording our BBC Radio 4 Appeal before heading off to perform in a matinee of Calendar Girls in the West End. Always the consummate professional, she knocked off our script in a couple of ‘takes’ whilst adding her own personal experience as a working Mum with the utmost of ease.

No slouch in her private life, either, she was a good friend to many, a great hostess and an attentive mother. Even in her last months when her own ability to eat was limited, she cooked delicious meals for her family. I knew her through the difficult times with her second husband, Nuncio, and was so pleased to see her happy with her third, Michael, whom she married on her 60th birthday. What a day that was! She arrived in the church on the arms of two close friends – and Nickolas Grace!

She first met Nickolas on her first day at the Central School of Speech and Drama and the required stints in rep, in TV soaps and on stage followed. She even had a role in Confessions of a Driving Instructor (1975). And of course behind the scenes of all this professional activity, Lynda was dealing with difficult times in her personal life and the drama of discovering her birth mother. Lynda’s career really took off in the 1980s when she played the vet’s wife Helen She was born Meredith Lee Hughes in Montreal, Canada and her mother Marjorie Herriot in All Creatures Great and Small and was dominated in the 1990s by her gave her up for adoption to an English couple Don and Ruth Bellingham. Lynda had starring role in the TV sitcoms Second Thoughts and Faith in the Future written for a country childhood in Buckinghamshire with her two sisters Barbara and Jean and her by her friends Jan Etherington and Gavin Petrie and co-starring James Bolam. only found out she was adopted in her teens. Marjorie and Lynda were only reunited But of course, she will always be remembered as the ‘Oxo Mum’ in that run of in 1990 after Lynda talked about her on a Canadian TV programme. ads between 1983 and 1999. Slightly rueful about being cast as ‘the nation’s favourite Mum’ she was nevertheless very grateful for the financial security this I don’t know how, but she even found time to write two novels and two volumes of work gave her. autobiography – the last There’s something I’m Dying to Tell You , released just weeks before her death. Both this and her second novel The Boy I Love are currently It also allowed her to take on less well-paid roles on the stage. Among those, she topping the bestseller lists. was particularly proud of were playing opposite Janet Suzman and Maureen Lipman (another close friend and Muswell Hill neighbour) in The Sisters Rosenweig So, fast forward to 2013 and Lynda is happily married to Michael Pattemore, her at the Old Vic and the Royal Court production of a drama about sex tourism beloved ‘boys’ Michael and Robbie Peluso are grown into handsome young men Sugar Mummies . and her varied career is going well – had written A Passionate Woman especially for her. It seems particularly cruel, then, that she was diagnosed I went over to Moscow with her for the premiere of The Romanovs: A Crowned with colon cancer at that moment. There are so many of us who will miss her very Family (2000) when she played the Empress Alexandra. She was treated as a star much indeed. and a great actress, and the film was a great hit in Russia but, sadly, was never released over here. There were more roles in Panto, a number of parts on TV, , actor, born 31 May 1948; died 19 October 2014. including Dr Who and , and an acclaimed performance in Vincent River at the Trafalgar Studios in . Maggy Meade-King

www.workingfamilies.org.uk the other with a background in commerce. You can usually tell which is which from Taking Your the type of questions they ask! Hearings are usually held in public, although it is rare for anyone to actually turn up and watch. In cases where there is evidence of a very personal nature, such as sexual harassment or some disability cases, you can Employer to an apply for the hearing to be private. Hearings can be anything from half a day to several weeks, depending on the complexity of the case. Most are three days or less.

Employment Tribunal The claimant sits on the judge’s left, the respondent on the judge’s right. If the parties are represented then the representatives usually sit in the middle so they If you can’t resolve an argument with your employer about your can more easily talk to each other, or sit closest to the judge(s). There will be a rights at work, such as Parental Leave or Requesting Flexible witness table, with an unmarked copy of the documents and all of the witness Working, you can end up taking your employer to an statements. Whether you or the respondent give evidence first will depend on your Employment Tribunal. Cathy Rogan, one of Working Families’ claim and what you have to prove, so be prepared either way. The other witnesses Rights Advisers, writes about the experience (What she can normally watch the proceedings before their turn. Very occasionally a judge describes applies to England and Wales only). may order them to wait outside.

Most people will never go to an When it is your turn to give evidence you will be called to the witness table. You will Employment Tribunal, so it’s difficult to be asked to swear on a holy book or to affirm. You will have submitted a written know what to expect when you do. witness statement. You are not normally expected to read this out loud. You will be Tribunals are described as being given opportunity to comment on new matters from the other side’s witness ‘informal’ – this is in comparison to statements (‘Supplemental questions’) and then the cross examination begins. other courts! It is still a more formal setting than most. Cross examination is where the other side’s representative asks you questions. It is a very stressful experience. The lawyer is allowed to ask leading questions like You should aim to get to the tribunal at ‘You did leave the storeroom unlocked, didn’t you?’ Try not to get flustered, and least 30 minutes before your hearing certainly don’t get angry – the lawyer is only doing her job. But don’t worry if you starts. You will sign in at reception and do get upset. Judges understand that it is stressful, and there is often a box of let the clerk know you are there. There tissues on the witness table for this reason. are separate waiting areas for claimants and respondents. A lot of cases settle in After cross examination the judges will ask their own questions. If you have a break the waiting rooms! You will see each while you are sworn in as a witness (even an overnight break or longer), you are side’s representatives popping in and forbidden from speaking to anyone about the case until your evidence is finished out to hand over papers or to negotiate and you are released. Cathy Rogan an agreement. After the evidence, each side will give their ‘submissions’, that is their arguments If you have any accessibility needs (such as language, disability or if you are about why their side should win. This will be a mixture of evidence that the tribunal breastfeeding), let the tribunal staff know as soon as you receive notice of the has heard and legal argument. Then the judges will go and make their decision. hearing. They are usually very helpful. There isn’t a dress code, but a good rule is Depending on how much time is left, they may send you out to the waiting area, to wear what you would wear to a job interview. The lawyers and judges will be they may send you home until the next day or they may ‘reserve judgement’ – dressed normally; there are no wigs or gowns. People don’t stand to speak and decide at another time and let the parties know in writing. If they do not reserve there is very little ceremony about proceedings. You call the judge ‘Sir’ or ‘Madam’. judgement, they will give the judgement orally. If this happens and you have lost you will need to ask for a written copy in case you are able to appeal. The first time you have to attend the tribunal will probably be at a Preliminary Hearing. You will be sent an agenda and you might be asked to agree some things If the tribunal finds for the claimant then they will also have to deal with remedies – (such as what facts both sides agree on, if any) beforehand. Mostly Preliminary that is how much money the claimant wins. This might be on the day of the hearing, Hearings are to decide things about how the case is run such as hearing dates and or they may arrange a hearing after the judgement. When the tribunal deals with witnesses, but sometimes Preliminary Hearings are to decide an aspect of the case. remedies they will want evidence about what you have been earning, what steps For example, there may be an argument about if your claim was brought in time. If you have taken to look for work and if you are asking for costs (such as the tribunal this happens you may be sworn in to give evidence, or be expected to bring fee, it is unusual to get other costs) how much those costs are. Again, they may documents with you. It is important to prepare and to get as much advice as you give their remedies judgement orally or later in writing. can. You will receive notice of the Preliminary Hearing in the post. It should be made clear what is going to be discussed and decided at a Preliminary Hearing, so if you Most people who go to tribunal find it stressful, but interesting. Whether you have are unsure ask the tribunal in writing. a lawyer or are representing yourself, the important thing is to ask if you don’t understand things. Anyone can go and watch a tribunal hearing – if you are going The full hearing is when your claim will be decided. Most claims are now heard by to tribunal it’s a really good idea to go and watch one first to get used to the building a single judge, however discrimination claims are still heard by a panel. The panel and how the hearing works. But even if you aren’t involved in a tribunal hearing it is made up of a judge and two ‘lay members’, one from a Trade Union background, can be quite interesting to go and see how the system works.

The new opening times are: New opening times Monday 10:00am-1:00pm and 5:00pm-6:00pm Tuesday 10:00am-1:00pm Working Families’ legal helpline’s, Thursday 10:00am-1:00pm 0300 012 0312, hours have changed. Friday 1:00pm-3:00pm. Remote Working The pros and cons of the telcon Sarah Jackson, CEO Working Families

The development of telephone conferencing technology may well enable many of postpone until you can set up with a clearer line or even meet in person.It can help the children of Waving not drowning members to enter and remain in employment to use a head-set, and to make sure that nobody is using the hands-free function more readily than could the generation before. And for the parents of disabled on their phone, which often creates a very difficult echo affect. children, many of the same opportunities are opening up. Home-based working, whether full- or part-time, is becoming more and more possible. There is no need Building trust and developing relationships to be in the same place as those you are working with or meeting. You and your It is pretty obvious that in some situations, face to face is better if you possibly can employer save travel time and costs, while communication and meetings are – delivering bad news, formal meetings such as performance reviews, for example. enabled with colleagues even when everyone works different part-time patterns But it is also worth remembering that if you are aiming to build a relationship with across the week. All this is true – but what’s it really like, trying to manage work someone, face to face is a vital part of the process. Although we are all used to and working relationships remotely? The pros are obvious, but the cons? – online ‘friends’, to build up the trust required for a good working relationship, technological (un)reliability, human frailties and the need to work much harder at whether with a colleague or with people outside the organisation, takes time and team relationships and communication are all not to be underestimated. It can work personal interaction. Use telcons for quick catch-ups by all means, but not for well, but does need thought and care. Over the past couple of years, the team at critical discussions or negotiations unless or until you are 100% comfortable in Working Families has begun to make far greater use of telephone conferencing – the relationship. here are my top lessons learned so far. It’s not no-cost, even if it is low-cost Don’t get left out/be inclusive Because it is important to retain some face to face interaction, the organisation you Managing the call without being able to see body language adds to its complexity. work for should budget in for additional travel or other costs to enable homeworkers When you are talking to somebody in person, or running a group discussion, you and remote workers to maintain strong relationships with colleagues. It is important can often see when someone wants to chip in. When all are at the end of the phone not to lose the informal interactions – some of the best ideas come outside of –even if you are skyping or using other visual technology – it is important to stop meetings. Two examples to consider. A small organisation which employs a disabled and check frequently that everyone is having the chance to have their say. This is staff member who works from home makes sure that she can attend some staff especially important if you have one or two dominant or assertive colleagues, to meetings by hiring an accessible room. And at Working Families we have just make sure everyone is included. appointed a jobshare in Scotland, both working from home. There will be lots of telcons, but we are also budgeting for them to spend a regular day or two a month Be realistic together by booking space at a business centre equidistant between them. A telcon is not always practical for meetings of four or more people. It can be really hard to follow a discussion when you are listening in – particularly if you are ringing Don’t say yes when it’s not convenient into a meeting where most others are round the table. Good etiquette is to ask It can be tempting to agree to a telcon when you don’t really have time for a meeting. everyone to preface their remarks with their name – you can feel a bit self conscious To meet the needs of colleagues or clients, you just think you can squeeze it in on doing this round the table, but it really does help the remote participant. the run between other commitments. Be realistic. Unless it is a brief call, treat a meeting by phone as you would a meeting in person. Make sure you have Can you hear me?! somewhere quiet to take the call, so that you can give it your attention, and a table Is it just me, or is the quality of phone lines getting worse and worse? Internet or to sit at so that you can take notes or refer easily to relevant papers. Dodging cloud-based telephony has many advantages – for example, the Working Families passers by on the high street, sitting on a park bench as it begins to rain, or fighting legal advisers can do shifts on the helpline from home, with the callers none the to hear against the background music in a café –none of these settings are fair to wiser (and why should they care in any case?) – but audio quality doesn’t seem to yourself or the others in your meeting. be one of them. This can make ringing in almost as tiring as travelling in! So don’t be afraid to let others on the call know when sound quality is poor, and if need be Sarah Jackson, CEO Working Families

Some of the OneSpace.org.uk team at Single Parent Action Network who won Flexible Friday our inaugural Go Home on Time Day Competition . Read more on the next page. Flexible In brief

Friday News for Working Parents and Carers • The regulations about ‘requesting flexible working’ changed on 30 June 2014. All employees with 26 weeks service with their employer Wow! What a great Go Home on Time Day this year! We had so many now have the right to request to change their hours but the procedures people supporting the day, including tweets from the National Lottery, employers will have to follow will not be so proscriptive. See Mind, Just Eat and Pukka Pies. Go Home on Time Day was featured www.workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/parents-and-carers/flexible- in The Guardian, City AM, The Daily Mash and Working Families’ working/flexible-working-after-30th-june-2014 . The government says it Vice-Patron, Allison Pearson, included Go Home on Time Day in her wants flexible working to be the norm, see www.wsandb.co.uk/wsb/news/2355374/webb-flexible-working-should- weekly column in The Telegraph. Thanks to everyone that got be-the-norm involved and went home on time – you helped make this year the biggest year ever! • The number of employment tribunal claims has decreased substantially since fees were introduced. The much anticipated winner of the first ever Go Home on Time Day www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/ Competition, who received a glorious garlic hamper courtesy of The 352914/tribunal-statistics-quarterly-april-june-2014.pdf Garlic Farm, was the OneSpace.org.uk team (above) at Single Parent Action Network. • There are some suggestions for the dos and don’ts of working at home at www.cambridgenetwork.co.uk/news/the-dos-and-don-ts-of- They not only support flexible working and work-life balance but are also working-from-home/ doing some great work supporting single parents across the UK. They went • From 1 October 2014 expectant fathers/partners of pregnant women above and beyond the call of duty by getting nearly all staff members to fill have become entitled to time off to attend two ante-natal appointments. in a pledge for Go Home on Time Day ! www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/ 351413/bis-14-1063-time-off-to-accompany-a-pregnant-woman-to- We are not stopping here. Work-life balance is a priority that should be ante-natal-appointments-employer-guide.pdf addressed every day of the year, not just on Go Home on Time Day . As Go Home on Time Day becomes a distant memory, it is so important to keep • Macmillan has produced a useful online booklet about rights at work the conversation about work-life balance going. That is why we are calling for people with cancer and their carers, although it doesn’t reflect June for Flexible Friday – a chance to end the week on a high and continue the 2014’s extension of the right to request flexible working. conversations so many people were having across the country during www.macmillan.org.uk/Documents/Cancerinfo/Livingwithandafter - National Work-Life Week . It’s your chance to really address your flexible cancer/WorkandcancerPDFs/Yourrightsatwork_2013_2.pdf working needs and improve your work-life balance. Why not try a digital • Employers are seeing absences due to caring responsibilities but often detox one weekend to completely switch off and resist that desire to check failing to set up carers’ policies. www.thehrdirector.com/business- work emails? Or make sure you continue to leave your workplace on time news/absenteeism/secret-carers-adding-to-absenteeism-woes/ everyday – or at least once a week? Flexible Friday is about continuing the legacy of National Work-Life Week and Go Home on Time Day all year round – make sure you get involved! News for Carers and Parents of Disabled Children

To keep the conversation going why not like Go Home on Time Day ’s • To find out about whether you’re entitled to 15 hours free childcare for Facebook page and follow us on Twitter your two-year-old, visit your local authority’s website.

Working Families thinks Going Home on Time should be the norm, not a • Jess Moxham blogs about life with her disabled son, Sam, at novelty, but for many families that’s just not happening. The charity’s http://storieswithsam.com/ . See her comments about working and caring at ‘Care/Trust’ dated 1 July 2014. research suggests that few working parents feel they’ve got the balance right. Almost a quarter feel that they are torn and that work and family life • Research into the experience of people receiving Carer’s Allowance are in constant conflict. Thirty five percent of parents state that their work mentions parents wanting to be able to do paid work. affects their home life in a negative way. Only 17% of parents leave work www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/ on time every day, slightly more say that they can get away only half of the 332907/household-finances-carer_s-allowance-recipients-research.pdf time or less, with 15% never leaving on time. Workload pressure and culture are the main drivers of extra hours. The most common reasons for working • You can now buy a set of cards to enable discussion of bullying from late are workload pressure, finding time to do proper work planning and the point of view of the bully, the bystander and the victim. thinking and workplace culture and employer expectations. www.smlworld.co.uk/store/p210/Enough%27s_Enough_Anti- bullying_Discussion_cards_%28All_ages%29.html Economic pressures on individuals and businesses may be making people • Kids has a handbook and e-learning resources about Personal feel there is no choice but to keep on working longer and longer, but the Budgets. www.kids.org.uk/mip2 reality is that stressed-out workers are less productive. People work better when they have a sense of control over their working hours and can balance their lives properly.

www.workingfamilies.org.uk In brief You could Working Families’ News

• CEO of Working Families, Sarah Jackson, has written a guest blog for win up to £50 ACAS (Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service) on homeworking and family friendly working. in the Waving not drowning Draw www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=4910 • Julie McCarthy, Working Families’ Head of Policy, blogs about part- The Waving not drowning Draw is a fun way you can support time fares for part-time workers at Working Families’ project for carers and parents of disabled www.bettertransport.org.uk/blog/rail/we-need-part-time-tickets-now children who work or want to work.

• One third of the profits will go to lucky prize winners News for Disabled People each month • You can see videos about the recent conference about Independent • The more tickets sold the greater the prize money Living at www.youtube.com/user/DisabilityRightsUK1

The rest of the profits go to help the Waving not drowning • This interesting new research looks at how a person’s identity is project including: shaped by multiple characteristics, such as disability, race, sexuality or class. www.lvsc.org/londonforall/launch-of-hear-intersectionality- • Staffing a helpline advising carers and parents of research-report/ disabled children • Mark Harper MP became Minister for Disabled People in the cabinet • Publishing a free newsletter for carers and parents of reshuffle on 15 July 2014. disabled children • A recent Parliamentary Select Committee has concluded that ESA • Campaigning for a better deal for carers and parents (Employment and Support Allowance) needs revision. See of disabled children in the workplace www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201415/cmselect/cmworpen/302 /30212.htm n Yes! I’d like the chance to win £50 and support • You can see Inclusive Solutions’ information on person centred the Waving not drowning project. ! planning at http://inclusive-solutions.com/person-centred-planning/ n Please put me on the Waving not drowning email list • People with learning difficulties have been achieving real victories n I’m on the list but have changed my address / telephone / email improving the way they’re portrayed. Bradford People First got WHO n I am a parent (World Health Organisation) to drop offensive terminology and another group of people with learning disabilities has produced a guide for n I have a professional interest broadcasters about how people with learning disabilities are represented, www.learningdisabilities.org.uk/content/assets/pdf/publications/tips-for- broadcasters.pdf?view=Standard . You can sign their petition to Name: ...... here www.change.org/p/ofcom-change-the-way-people-with-learning- disabilities-are-represented-on-television-and-radio-3 Address: ...... • In this centenary year of the 1914-18 World War, with daily news reports of current conflicts around the world, the theme of UK Disability ...... History Month 2014 (22 November-22 December) was War and Impairment. www.ukdisabilityhistorymonth.com Tel (H) : ...... • The government has postponed some of the proposed cuts in the Tel (W) : ...... Disabled Students’ Allowance (DSA). You can read the ministerial statement here: www.parliament.uk/documents/commons-vote- office/September%202014/12%20September/2-BIS-StudentSupport.pdf. Tel (M) : ...... Disability Rights UK runs a disabled students’ helpline, 0800 328 5050, for students in England. Email: ......

Please return to: Janet Mearns, Working Families, Cambridge House, 1 Addington Square, London SE5 0HF T: 020 7017 0072 E: [email protected]

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www.workingfamilies.org.uk The Waving not drowning helpline your letters is 020 7017 0072

Dear Janet

The list of working at home tips in September’s Waving no t drowning e-bulletin The legal helpline number was very interesting. is 0300 012 0312 I also think women especially who work at home or who work alone a lot of the time need a ‘Working Alone’ policy whereby they ALWAYS let people know where they are going to be, when they have arrived, and who they are meeting with if they travel away from their home office to meet clients or associates.

It's a way of keeping safe and something I have practised for many years. It was only when doing some work with a local charity that I realised this was a formal requirement in some workplaces. Join in the chat and get all the latest news in the Waving not drowning I wonder how many mostly home-based workers – employees or self Facebook Group. You can also ‘like’ employed – practise this? Working Families’ Facebook page.

Best wishes, Signing up to Facebook is very straight forward. Visit www.facebook.com/WorkingFamiliesUK Laura Marcus, Communications consultant

Dear Janet,

My daughter who is in her 20s and has a disability has many clinic and hospital appointments to attend. For all of these she needs support to attend either from @workingfamUK me, her father or, sometimes her PA (personal assistant). 

Recently she had an MRI scan to detect any problems with her heart. Another You can also follow Working Families on Twitter. appointment was planned to give my daughter the results of the scan and to Go to www.twitter.com/workingfamUK discuss any treatment that may be necessary. For this appointment it was important that both I and my husband were there to support her, and each other, and help her discuss any treatment options.

My husband asked his employer for a day’s leave for this to happen, but, Edited by: Janet Mearns for the Working Families’ Children with unexpectedly, his employer was very reluctant to grant him leave. I understand Disabilities Project that parents of disabled people under 18 are entitled to unpaid parental leave but parents of adults who need support are not entitled by law to any equivalent Printed and designed by: MWA Design to parental leave. I cannot understand why this is the case as my daughter did not suddenly need less support from her parents to access health services Published by: Working Families, when she reached 18. Cambridge House, 1 Addington Square, London SE5 0HF Tel: 020 7017 0072 (Janet Mearns’ direct helpline) Best wishes, 020 7253 7243 (admin)

Pam (full name and address supplied – Ed) Email: [email protected]

The views expressed are not necessarily the views of Working Families Have your say

Email or write to Janet Mearns, [email protected] Working Families, Cambridge House, 1 Addington Square, Lonon SE5 0HF

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