The rollercoaster of life, Jim love and personal tragedy Broadbent continues tells us about growing Camsay old Street profi tably A garden full of hats p31 and worms Artsp23 Fashionp18 Issue No 661 Friday October 12 2007 varsity.co.uk

e Independent CambridgeStudent Newspaper since 1947

UNIVERSITY STATEMENT Rob Wallach, secretary of the senior tutors’ Dons respond to committee

“There is no reason why students should fi nd themselves in such severe fi nancial diffi culty that they would have to resort to prostitution. However the University and Colleges are aware prostitution report that students can fi nd themselves in fi nancial diffi culty and give support where they can. There is a range of support mechanisms, including hard- » CUSU President calls national press coverage ‘ridiculous’ ship fund allowances and, as in all UK universities, a bursary scheme for » Former prostitute: advert in local newspaper got me started students from lower income families which has just been extended sub- stantially by the University. Katy Lee “We have no way of knowing whether News Editor various aspects of the article in Var- sity are in fact true. The claim that Varsity’s investigation last week ‘hundreds’ of students are involved is into how far Cambridge students highly unlikely and the result of pure will go to make money has provoked speculation. We are most concerned a concerned response from the Uni- by the report and College Senior Tu- versity and a storm of interest from tors would do everything they could the international press. to give support to students well be- The investigation found that fore any found themselves in such a almost one in twenty Cambridge situation. students write for Oxbridge es- “Oxbridge Essays claim that students says, 350 are members of a website pay hundreds of pounds for model an- through which students offer dates swers which they then do not submit as their own work. We think that claim, for cash, and a very small group go along with similar claims made by oth- much further, working as exotic er essay websites, is very surprising and dancers and prostitutes. would question its accuracy. The story has received coverage “Plagiarism devalues the efforts of from the BBC and national news- students who work hard to achieve papers such as the Sun, the Tele- their degrees. It also damages students graph and the Guardian, as well as who commit plagiarism, as they will not newspapers from Italy, India and benefi t from the teaching and learning Mexico. A photograph of a scantily experience which universities offer. clad “vice girl”, with nothing but “The University and Colleges strongly the Cambridge crest to preserve discourage students from writing essays her modesty appeared alongside for companies such as Oxbridge Essays.” a sensationalised account on the Sun’s website. The Cambridge Evening News has published extensive coverage Adrian Pascu- over the past two days. One of the students profi led in the investiga- Tulbure tion told Varsity that it was after Exerpts from the media furore responding to an escort agency ad- Style vert in the back of the CEN that of the Senior Tutors’ Committee. University’s counselling service, is stated that colleges “strongly she fi rst got involved in prostitu- “The claim that ‘hundreds’ of worried that the ban on term time discourage” students from work- before tion. Despite Varsity’s repeated students are involved is highly jobs and the unusual ways in which ing for such companies, and ques- sub- attempts to discover whether this unlikely and the result of pure students are dealing with debt could tioned Oxbridge Essays’ assertion claim could be true, the newspa- speculation.” have an adverse effect on students’ that the buyers of essays do not stance per has refused to comment. In a statement released on mental health. “Certainly the areas submit them as their own work. CUSU president Mark Fletcher Wednesday, Dr Wallach described of work that students are getting Oxbridge Essays’ John Foster is worried that the press have mis- the University as being “most into - exotic dancing, Oxbridge Es- responded to the criticism yester- p10 understood the services offered concerned by the report”. He says and so on, are better paid from day. “Our website makes explicit by students working for Take Me maintained that the generous fi - a fi nancial point of view, but I won- that the intended purpose of our To Dinner, formerly known as Ox- nancial help offered by the Uni- der if they leave students feeling research is to serve as a model Letters 8 bridge Escorts. “This has led to versity means students should good about themselves. Things like answer from which the client is the ridiculous suggestion that hun- not fi nd themselves in a position one’s confi dence and respect for one- inspired to improve his own work. Comment 10 dreds of Cambridge students could where they are forced to cash in self are diffi cult to put a monetary All clients are required, before be working as prostitutes. This is so on their brains or bodies. “There is value on.” receiving work, to sign a legal far from the truth it is obscene.” no reason why students should fi nd The University has also voiced agreement acknowledging that Idler 11 “We have no way of knowing themselves in such severe fi nancial concern in response to our claim they understand this to be the whether various aspects of the diffi culty that they would have to that 500 Cambridge students sell purpose of the written materials Reviews 28 article in Varsity are indeed true,” resort to prostitution,” he said. bespoke essays to companies such we supply.” said Dr Rob Wallach, Secretary Mark Phippen, head of Cambridge as Oxbridge Essays. Dr Wallach » Editorial p8 The Anorak 37 Got a news story? Friday October 12 2007 2 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

In Brief Girton crisis averted Girton JCR have denied rumours All in the brain? that a number of committee mem- bers are planning to resign in protest over the “unprofessional” » Baron-Cohen: conduct of their president, Karo- line Klose. men genetically Since Varsity started investi- gating the issue, the JCR commit- predisposed to tee have all put their names to a statement declaring their support success in science for Klose and denying any plans to resign. Emma Inkester Klose says the matter has been Senior Reporter “fully resolved”. The ex-JCR pres- ident, Simon Burdus added that it Cambridge autism expert Simon is “complete nonsense... She is do- Baron-Cohen has courted con- ing a great job.” troversy by claiming that female Camilla Temple brains are more poorly adapted to scientifi c study than male brains. Speaking on Monday at the Naked chef to serve up Women and Science conference in Washington DC, Professor Baron- pukka pasta in Market Cohen argued that there is an Square intrinsic difference between the male and female brain. Cambridge will be one of the fi rst While the female brain is adapt- cities in the country to host Jamie ed for empathy, he said, the male Oliver’s new high street restaurant brain is better suited to under- chain “Jamie’s Italian”. standing and building systems. The “neighbourhood” restaurant This would mean men generally opens in 2009 and will be situated in perform better at science, map the Guildhall in the centre of Cam- reading and building fl at pack fur- bridge. Despite its prestigious pa- niture. They are also more likely tronage and location, the restaurant to be involved in physical fi ghts will serve affordable food, with dish- due to their poorer ability to com- es starting at just £5.00. municate their feelings, and have a A spokesperson for Oliver said, greater chance of developing pas- Simon Baron-Cohen claims there are intrinsic differences between male and female brains “Jamie wanted this to be something sions for train spotting and stamp affordable and accessible. Students collecting, pursuits that are both Waller, a postdoctoral researcher tend to respond negatively to other factors come into play includ- are quite a key thing; if you look at indicative of a systematic mind. in physics, argues that scientifi c girls considering studying physi- ing social conditioning from school the fi rst three restaurants he’s open- Baron-Cohen went on to argue talent is unrelated to gender. “The cal sciences at A-level. I know a onwards and unconscious bias”. ing they are all in University towns. that the greater suitability of male lack of female representation at number of female colleagues who Baron-Cohen’s cousin Sacha Hopefully there will be a few Cam- brains to science may be one of the the higher levels is more an issue were told by their school physics shocked audiences in his 2006 bridge students eating there and root causes for the under repre- of child care provision and glass teachers that they shouldn’t study fi lm Borat: Cultural Learnings of maybe even working there.” sentation of women in science, es- ceilings that are common to all the subject.” America for Make Benefi t Glori- Pete MacIntyre pecially at the highest levels. high time and stress businesses, Professor Athene Donald, direc- ous Nation of Kazakhstan. As Ali The Professor’s claims have an- not just science,” she said. tor of the university’s Women in Sci- G, he once asked a British femi- gered many of Cambridge’s prom- “And there’s also social pres- ence, Engineering and Technology nist: “Do you think all girls should Robinson accused of inent female scientists. Debbie sure. Peers and even teachers initiative, told Varsity that “many try feminism at least once?” discrimination over freshers’ ent Nobel prize for Robinson JCR have found them- Higher funding a selves in hot water over their choice of freshers’ week entertain- ment, provoking confl ict between Christ’s alumnus ‘matter of urgency’ students, the Senior Tutor and the headline act, Circus of Horrors. Bradley Norman cell research has immense poten- Michael Albert Brown, CUSU tial. It is a fi eld in which UK scien- » Richard calls for more money for Ents Offi cer, was responsible for A Christ’s alumnus has been award- tists such as Martin have made pio- booking the “alternative rock’n’roll ed the Nobel Prize for Medicine. neering contributions and maintain British graduate students circus” and realised, in the weeks Sir Martin Evans, who has a powerful presence.” running up to the show, that an act been credited with the discovery Professor Jim Smith, Chairman Mark Teemesin “We must improve funding for featuring a dwarf might be consid- of embryonic stem cells and the of the Gurdon Institute where UK postgraduate students as a ered insensitive. Brown contacted production of the fi rst “knockout Sir Martin Evans worked in the University Vice-Chancellor Ali- matter of urgency,” she said. Circus of Horrors founder and Un- mouse”, was yesterday announced 1990s, said, “Martin Evans’s work son Richard has called for an ur- She went on to suggest that an dead Ringmaster “Dr” Haze to try the joint winner of this year’s prize paved the way for the creation of gent increase in funding for British improvement to their rewards and and cancel Captain Dan and bring a with Professors Mario Capecchi of ‘knock-out’ mice. His work has postgraduates. career prospects would provide contortionist instead. Incidentally, the University of Utah and Oliver been, and will be, hugely impor- In her annual address to Regent further incentives to British appli- Dan, the performer in question, at- Smithies of the University of North tant for our understanding of de- House on October 2, Richard claimed cants. Such a change would be “im- tracted himself passing fame this Carolina. velopment and disease, and this that the decrease in numbers of Brit- portant for the long term economic summer by gluing his penis to a The three scientists’ work on award is richly deserved.” ish applicants to Cambridge doctoral health of this country”, as well as hoover at the Edinburgh Fringe. knockout mice and gene targeting Dr Bill Colledge, who worked in degrees in comparison to foreign na- for Cambridge University. Dan accused the college of trying has had a signifi cant infl uence on Sir Martin Evans’ lab from 1988 tionals has led to “dramatic shrink- Richard also warned that “we to discriminate against him by de- our understanding of disease. to 1995, said, “this award is an ac- age” in some fi elds. must be alert to the danger of un- nying him a job due to of his size. The “knockout mouse” is a ge- knowledgment of the outstanding “These students are not being intended consequences driving Enzo Mefsut netically engineered mouse that contribution that Martin Evans kept out by international students: our UK undergraduate numbers has had one or more of its genes played in developing the technolo- they are not applying, or not ap- down”, suggesting that tuition fees made inoperable. By inactivating gy that allows us to study the func- plying here,” she told the govern- and inadequate government sup- the gene and studying any differ- tion of genes in a whole animal.” ing body. port could be discouraging British ences that follow, scientists can in- Evans graduated from Christ’s She speculated that British stu- applicants to Cambridge at under- fer the likely function of the gene. in 1963 and completed a PhD at dents and staff could one day be a graduate level. The method has already generated UCL. He returned to Cambridge in “small minority” in a completely in- She emphasized that Cambridge over fi ve hundred mouse models 1978 and was appointed Professor ternational university. should be a “magnet” for the best 52 Trumpington Street Cambridge CB2 1RG of human disorders, including ar- of Mammalian Genetics at the De- The Cambridge community is still UK students, as well as attracting thritis, diabetes and Parkinson’s partment of Genetics. predominately British, with British the most talented young people FREE CHELSEA BUN disease. It was at this point that he be- citizens accounting for 85 per cent from overseas. With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop Sir Martin Rees, professor of cos- gan to develop genetically mu- of undergraduates. But only 50 per Simon Ford, secretary of the OR mology and astrophysics and Mas- tated mice, and discovered the po- cent of postgraduate students are Graduate Union, agreed that Cam- ter of Trinity College, described the tential of embryonic stem cells for British, and Richard has warned bridge has a responsibility as a FREE MORNING announcement as “a fi tting recogni- tissue regeneration after injury that this fi gure is steadily dropping. British university to provide for COFFEE/TEA tion of Sir Martin’s groundbreaking or disease. The number of home applicants British students. (9am-12pm) With any cake or pastry in the restaurant research on embryonic stem cells. He became an Honorary Fellow to research degree courses has He told Varsity that “increases in “He is a world leader in mamma- of St Edmund’s College in 2002. decreased from 1,231 to 864 in the the pay scale of those taking up pro- on presentation of this voucher lian genetics and his research has He is currently Professor of Mo- last 10 years, whilst the number of fessional research positions” could and proof of student status undoubtedly increased our under- lecular Genetics at Cardiff Uni- EU and overseas applicants has in- provide an incentive to potential standing of human diseases. Stem versity. creased steadily. postgraduate students. Friday October 12 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 3 UK universities ‘failing to integrate foreign students’ » Report comes as Vice-Chancellor heads recruitment drive for international undergraduates

Camilla Temple News Editor The University has been forced to examine its attitude towards in- ternational students as a result of recent research highlighting the failure of British universities to help international students integrate with those from the UK. Over 30,000 international stu- dents in Britain were questioned in the survey and their experiences were compared with those of 8,500 international students studying in Australia, the Netherlands, South Africa and the United States. Inte- gration between international and home students was found to occur much more easily in these countries than in the UK. UK universities fail to promote “mutual understanding and social interaction between UK and in- ternational students” according to Keith Herrmann, deputy chief ex- ecutive for the Council for Industry

“There is not really any help adjusting to the new environment. We are left alone to handle the situation.”

and Higher Education, which com- missioned the research. Gillian Wallace, Cambridge Uni- versity’s international offi cer, justi- fi es the lack of specifi c welfare spe- cifi cally for international students – who make up over a quarter of all students in the university – by International night at Soul Tree RICHARD GARDNER claiming that “their welfare is not always separate from other forms community.” outside the EU said that their de- work in Malaysia after his degree, of student welfare. The colleges and Yashita Tripathi, an Indian busi- grees were poor or very poor value something he says he is starting to in particular the tutorial system are ness student at Anglia Ruskin, for money. feel “unsure” about having commit- the main ways in which internation- mainly spends time with other inter- Under the current system EU ted to. al students are supported.” national students because she has students are classed as home stu- In response to allegations that the Wei Shen Aikh, a Natural Sci- found it diffi cult to make links with dents, but non-EU students pay £30k university relies on international ence student at Queen’s, complained UK students. £9,000 to study arts subjects, £12,000 students to gain extra funding, a that international students “are left According to Gillian Wallace, for sciences and £22,000 for clinical Cambridge University working par- alone to handle the situation” and Cambridge’s international offi cer, subjects every year. This does not estimated annual cost ty report into international student there was “not really” any help with “progress has been made in vari- include the additional £4000 college recruitment, selection and support adjusting to a new environment. ous areas. The International Offi ce fee in Cambridge. of studying and living was launched. The study, headed He knows many who simply “didn’t now organizes a Lent orientation Alison Richard, the vice-chancel- in Cambridge for by educational pro vice-chancellor integrate” and relied on cultural so- programme as well as a Michaelmas lor, issued a statement saying that Profesor Melveena McKendrick, cieties to make friends of the same one and also produces an annual A-Z she wishes Cambridge “to attract foreign students claimed that in fact “international nationality. guide for international students.” the attention of bright, inquiring students place major demands on The university’s report made Johanna Mitterhofer, Internation- students whatever their background resources” . over 25 different recommendations al Offi cer for the Newnham JCR, is and wherever they may be.” The report defended the univer- for improving the experience of a strong advocate of an extra fresh- Carl Gobel, the CUSU interna- sity, claiming: “Cambridge’s inter- international students. Problems ers’ week for international students. tional representative, responded: “I est is not in increasing numbers for highlighted in the report include “For some of them it is the fi rst time don’t think high fees and limited bur- fi nancial gain, but in recruiting for students having to pay £1500 in they have come to Britain,” says saries are the right way to achieve student quality. The pursuit of qual- order to take an essential English Mitterhofer. “Many things that are this. Undergraduate students fi nd ity is costly and further reduces the language course. Despite the rec- obvious and familiar to UK students it very hard to cover signifi cant fi nancial benefi t of admitting over- ommendations, this fee still stands, can seem very strange. It does take amounts of their tuition fees; often seas students.” and many students experience seri- some time to settle into a completely only small college grants of a few 3,198 Whilst Alison Richard says she ous diffi culties fi nancing this on top new environment and to get used to hundred pounds are available.” is keen to “take Cambridge to the of the existing fees. a different culture as well as a differ- International students often turn overseas students in world”, there is currently no one re- Amiya Bhatia, an Indian SPS ent language.” to companies and businesses for sponsible for international recruit- student, feels that international stu- For the international student, so- funding, but these come with an un- Cambridge ment in the University. According dents have “a hard time initially... cial diffi culties coexist with fi nancial avoidable catch. Voon Kiat, a Malay- to Wallace, the International Offi cer, but the college system provides a ones. Recent research carried out sian overseas student, is studying this is because the university is in lot of indirect support because of the for the Higher Education Policy engineering and has a scholarship the “fortunate position of being able way in which it mixes up students of Institute found that more than a from a company in his home country. to select, rather than needing to re- all backgrounds within a close knit quarter of overseas students from This means that he must return to cruit.” To some people it’s a gamble We are experts in To others, it’s calculating risk actuarial consulting We are Towers Perrin

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Shake. Stir. Stimulate. The Cambridge Union Friday October 12 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 5 Don Air takes off » New airship will take passengers from Oxford to Cambridge in under an hour

Angela Fanshawe

Plans were unveiled this week for an airship to transport passengers be- tween Oxford and Cambridge. It is hoped that the SkyCat hybrid air vehicle will be able to transport up to two coach loads of people be- tween the cities in under one hour and at a cost of approximately £10 for a one way journey. Gordon Taylor, of Hybrid Air Ve- hicles, feels the airship could fi ll a gap in the market by providing the fi rst direct route between the cities since the “varsity line” trains closed over thirty years ago. According to the company’s web- site, the craft combines “lighter- than-air airship technology and air cushioned hovercraft technology”. This means that the SkyCat can land on a range of terrains, including snow and water. It is also an environ- mentally friendly means of transport, as it consumes just a small amount of diesel or biodiesel fuel. Oxbridge students have ex- pressed mixed opinions about the service. One student from St. Hugh’s College, Oxford, told Var- sity, “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just use the train like eve- rybody else. I guess I would think about using it. I think that the po- tential price is very good but it does sound a bit dangerous.” But Mr Taylor is confi dent of the airship’s safety record. “Our teams have been working for more than 35 years fl ying traditional airships and nobody even sprained an ankle. It’s a very safe form of transporta- tion,” he said.

Although the proposed model is GORDON TAYLOR still under development, a number The SkyCat hybrid air vehicle will travel from Oxford to Cambridge in less than an hour of prototypes have already been fl own successfully. The idea does seem popular in lo- the two cities was proposed by the At the moment, funding remains cal Huntingdonshire, a district of teenage entrepreneur Martin Hal- Access to The Other Place the pressing issue. With an estimated Cambridgeshire which has redun- stead in 2005. cost of tens of millions pounds, Hy- dant airbases that are potentially By 2006, the airline Sky Com- brid Air Vehicles needs investment appropriate for the project. muter had taken up the idea. But the for the project to be successful. Corinne Garbett, of Huntingdon- service was cancelled due to lack of Coach Train They are currently looking to ob- shire District Council, expressed demand just two months after its 22- › Quickest route: X5 (Cam- › Quickest route: Cambridge tain funding from the government, hope that the plans would have ben- minute inaugural fl ight. bridge – St Neots – Bedford – London King’s Cross private institutions, and the univer- efi ts for the local community. The proposals for the new airship – Milton Keynes – Bucking- (change train) – London sities of Oxford and Cambridge. “The manufacture of component are currently being developed by But a Cambridge spokesman parts for the airship industry would the company Hybrid Air Vehicles ham – Bicester – Oxford) Paddington (change train) said, “The University has not been complement our current business in Bedfordshire, but it may be up › Journey time: 3 hours 20 – Oxford approached by this company. We sectors and provide high-value jobs to three and a half years before it is minutes › Journey time: 2 hours 40 would need to see a detailed pro- for the district.” ready for public use. › Cost: £9 single minutes posal with analysis of likely pas- Flying between Oxford and Cam- The company has yet to obtain › Cost: £40 single senger take-up before we could bridge is not a new idea. A com- suffi cient funding and permission to comment further.” mercial plane travelling between use the relevant airspace. John’s 80s ent axed after dessert debacle sours celebrations

Alex Glasner Linehan, a known disciplinarian, is already been booked. It is not clear Martin Kent informed students that Many Johnians are reported to understood to have called a meeting whether Fellows of St John’s College the ent had been “cancelled due to have joined this party spontane- with the JCR at a time when sev- supported his decision. When asked unforeseen circumstances”. Since ously and in full 80s costume, ac- St John’s freshers’ week was cut eral of their members had scheduled why he had cancelled the ent, Line- then, the John’s JCR have erected tion which the JCR did not sanc- short after the cancellation of the lectures. Angered that none of the han said that he could not “discuss a wall of silence, refusing to talk to tion. Of equal surprise is the fact main event. The night, which had a committee attended, Linehan is un- disciplinary matters”. our reporters. that the DJ booked for the John’s 1980s theme and was scheduled to derstood to have cancelled the ent im- In an email to Johnian undergrad- Christ’s College also had an ent ent, DJ Munchie, turned up to the take place on October 6, was sup- mediately. The Dean was not swayed uates on the afternoon of the sched- scheduled for the evening of Oc- Union. Most students expressed posed to mark the end of freshers’ by the JCR’s argument that a DJ had uled ent, St John’s JCR President tober 6, at the Cambridge Union. relief that Christ’s had been plan- week and the start of academic ning a party on the same evening. work. The college Dean, Peter “We were just thankful for a place Linehan, is alleged to have can- to go,” said one Johnian. celled it as a result of disorderly Opinion in the college was di- behaviour in the college. vided on the issue. One fresher, It appears that the Dean’s atten- who asked to remain anonymous, tion had been drawn to students described the move as a “ludicrous drinking from bottles in college decision”. Some students have also corridors and taking part in the privately criticized the decision to notorious “pennying” rituals. The demand time out of the JCR’s aca- activity is familiar throughout the demic timetable. University but in its Johnian ver- This is the fi rst time in undergrad- sion a penny is dropped on a vic- uate memory that St John’s have tim’s dessert, which must then be been forced into the cancellation of eaten without using their cutlery an ent. Asked whether future ents or hands. One fresher saw this as might suffer the same fate, Linehan an unfair requirement and reported stressed that “it has not proved nec- the incident to the Dean. Some hands-free fun at a Johnian formal LOUISE HAINSWORTH essary to do so before”. Got a news story? Friday October12 2007 6 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news Varsityprofi le »Quentin Skinner

Katy Lee the Times Literary Supplement in 1996 as one of the most infl uential »born Quentin Skinner will be stepping books of the previous 50 years. lancashire, 1940 down as Regius Professor of Modern Skinner is a central fi gure in the History at the end of this academic “Cambridge School” of the history year, having reached the university’s of political thought, which treats »48 years compulsory retirement age of 67. political texts as historically-situ- in cambridge, since skinner “I’m leaving because I’m being told ated acts. His chief area of interest matriculated at gonville and to go,” he jokes. After relinquishing is the intellectual history of early caius the Regius chair he will take up a po- modern Europe, particularly ren- sition at Queen Mary, University of aissance culture and 17th century London, as a distinguished visiting political philosophy. professor in the humanities. “I’m a historian, and much of my »23 books Skinner graduated from Caius in effort goes into trying to under- published and edited 1962 with a double-starred fi rst in stand the circumstances in which history, and was immediately elected particular theories were devel- to a teaching fellowship at Christ’s oped,” he explains. »12 languages upon fi nishing his Tripos. He de- Skinner has also advocated an into which the foundations scribes this event as “a weird thing approach concentrated on trying to of modern political thought, that would never, of course, happen identify the motives for writing of skinner’s first book, has been nowadays”, claiming that the sud- authors such as Thomas Hobbes, translated since he published den expansion of higher education in Thomas More and Machiavelli. it 30 years ago Britain in the 1960s made it easy for He is married to Professor Su- academics to fi nd work. san James, who lectured in Philos- Skinner has held this position ever ophy in Cambridge for many years since, and is also now an honorary and is now teaching at Birkbeck, fellow of Caius. He was appointed University of London. The couple to the chair of political science in have two children. 1978, and became Regius Professor Skinner has just fi nished a new of Modern History in 1996. He was book describing the “crucial moment also one of the university’s pro-Vice in the English Revolution when clas- Chancellors in 1999. sical republican ideas of freedom Skinner wrote his fi rst book dur- were challenged by Hobbes’s com- ing a four-year stay at Princeton. pletely different understanding”. The Foundations of Modern Political Hobbes and Republican Liberty will Thought is now available in twelve be published by Cambridge Univer- languages, and was nominated by sity Press this February. NIGEL LUCKHURST Baylis: screen kids for trauma Emma Inkester “formal study of lifetimes” should be part of the national curriculum. He A Cambridge academic has argued believes that the study of celebrities that children should be screened for who have dealt level-headedly with traumas that could hold them back success would mean that pupils’ own for life. lives could be informed by “what’s You Are Our Future. Your Future Is Here. Dr Nick Baylis, co-director of Cam- worked well for those who’ve gone bridge University’s Well-Being Insti- before them”, enabling them to ex- tute, suggested that children should perience “joie de vivre” rather than be tested once a year for “emotional simply “muddling through”. shrapnel” in the same way that regu- But Baylis’ theories have met with lar eye tests are administered. scepticism from other Cambridge Speaking to the Headmasters’ academics. Michael Lamb, head of so- and Headmistresses’ conference in cial psychology and lecturer on child- Bournemouth last week, Dr Baylis hood emotional development, has warned delegates that traumatic expressed concern about the possible incidents in early life could leave a narrowness of Baylis’ suggestions. “nasty dent” on children’s “emotional He warned that children vary widely repertoire”. This could trigger nega- in their capacities to cope with expe- tive emotional response patterns riences, and stressed the importance throughout life. of recognizing the necessity of treat- He pointed to bereavement, anger ing “individual vulnerabilities” with or isolation as possible causes of fu- specialist care. Employer Presentation ture suffering, and insisted that spe- “I’m not sure that schools have the cial care must be taken to alleviate resources and expertise to do the Thursday, 18 October, 2007, 5:00 – 6:00 p.m., their effects. kinds of ‘checks’ that are being sug- As a solution, the academic sug- gested here.” Instead, schools can Cambridge Garden House Hotel, Granta Place, Mill Lane, Cambridge, CB2 1RT gests that all primary and secondary and do play an important role as part schools set aside a day each year in of the ‘team around the child’ provid- CVs will be accepted at the presentation. which pupils undergo psychological ing integrated multidisciplinary at- testing for emotional traumas, with tention to children’s diverse needs.” the eventual aim that “they spot for Professor Lamb cited the death M&A Advisor for U.S. Transactions Under $1 Billion themselves when they’re trapped in of eight year old Victoria Climbie M&A Fairness Opinion Advisor an emotion”. in 2001 as a catalyst for increased He assured delegates that the day emotional intervention in schools. No.1 Restructuring Investment Banking Firm would “pay for itself ten fold in terms The young girl died from abuse and of their public achievement and per- neglect whilst living with her aunt, sonal wellbeing”. and an inquiry called for much more Baylis, who describes himself as a stringent care to be taken by Eng- “well-being scientist”, told Varsity land’s teachers. Ranked #1 Best Employer to Work For and #1 in Overall Satisfaction that his proposal is based on work Baylis suggests that this care in the Vault Guide to the Top 50 Banking Employers, 2008 Edition in both high security prisons and top should now be extended using very public schools. “My work isn’t based specifi c measures and timescales. on any particular study, it’s based on “I challenge anyone to give me careers.hlhz.com my experience as a professional in evidence that a widespread problem Houlihan Lokey Howard & Zukin and Houlihan Lokey are trade names for Houlihan, Lokey, Howard & Zukin, Inc. and its subsidiaries and affiliates which include: Houlihan Lokey Howard & Zukin Financial the fi eld, of what might be going on with unrecognised and untreated Advisors, Inc., a California corporation, a registered investment advisor, which provides investment advisory, fairness opinion, solvency opinion, valuation opinion, restructuring advisory and portfolio in the lives of young adults and what emotional traumas does not exist. management services; Houlihan Lokey Howard & Zukin Capital, Inc., a California corporation, a registered broker-dealer and SIPC member firm, which provides investment banking, private placement, merger, might be helpful.” The onus should be on schools and acquisition and divestiture services; and Houlihan Lokey Howard & Zukin (Europe) Limited, a company incorporated in England which is authorized and regulated by the U.K. Financial Services Authority and He stated that Britain is “very colleges to prove that they do not licensed in Hong Kong by the Securities and Futures Commission, which provides investment banking, restructuring advisory, merger, acquisition and divestiture services, valuation opinion and private short of ideas” on how to help young need to run the sorts of ubiquitous placement services and may direct this communication within the European Economic Area and Hong Kong to intended recipients including professional investors, high net worth companies or other institutional investors. Sources: Thomson Financial, The Deal. 10/2007 people become able adults, untrou- educational training days for emo- bled by anxiety or addiction. tional awareness that I would so Baylis went on to argue that a dearly like to see trialled.” Friday October 12 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 7 Oxbridge plan nationwide ‘access bus’ tour » OUSU and CUSU join forces to encourage applicants from comprehensive schools

Katy Lee time CUSU and OUSU have ever ties are the same.” the project will promote greater ral Sciences degree, then Oxford News Editor worked together on a joint access It is not yet known how much cooperation between two univer- might not be suitable for you.” operation. sities with a long established ri- Richer has rejected claims CUSU and the Oxford University “We’ll be taking a bus of stu- valry. “Access isn’t a competition. that the initiative is a response Student Union are to join forces to dents from the two universities on “Access isn’t a In many respects we can achieve to strong criticism of Oxford and launch an “access tour bus” aimed tour, and we hope to answer ques- more by working together,” she Cambridge in the national media, at boosting state school applica- tions about student life, applica- competition. we told Varsity. after a report by the Sutton Trust tions to Oxbridge. A delegation of tions, and fi nance,” says Charlotte “The advantage of having stu- revealed that a third of the univer- students from the two universities Richer, CUSU access offi cer. “The achieve more by dents from both universities is that sities’ students come from just 100 will visit comprehensive schools aim is to reach students directly there will be information about elite schools. “One of the frustrat- across the country this April. to break down the myths and the working together” both of them available. It may be ing things about the Sutton Report Oxford and Cambridge already stereotypes surrounding Cam- that the course they want to do is is that it suggested things that cooperate on access via regional bridge. CUSU felt that the project better at Oxford or at Cambridge. we’re already doing. It highlighted Oxbridge Conferences, but the would have more impact if it was the project will cost, but accord- If you want to do a joint honours the need to focus on access, which new project, named the Compre- a joint scheme with Oxford – the ing to Richer OUSU are prepared course, you would go for Oxford. is something that CUSU’s been hensive Campaign, will be the fi rst problems facing the two universi- to pay half of the bill. She hopes If you want to do a general Natu- doing for quite a few years now.”

Queens Staircase of horror After the fi rst momentous Queens’ bop of the year, a certain rather inebriated gentleman (Sambuca, probably) felt the need to relieve himself in not one, but two of the Cripps’ staircases. And when we say relieve, this was not in the liq- uid sense. Two fully-fl edged brown nuggets were deposited in the col- lege, no doubt much to the chagrin of the oblivious freshers, outside whose rooms the disgraceful deed had taken place.

Clare Finalist gets an eyeful

The morning after a somewhat spir- ited evening spent with her boy- friend, one extremely anxious new female student hurriedly made her way to the college nurse with what one could only describe as an unusual eye complaint. During the course of the evening her rather hapless young man, slightly miss-timing his release, aimed accurately into the ophthalmic area. A shriek of horror and pain ensued as our heroine’s vision was unexpectedly obscured. The college nurse was reportedly highly sympa- thetic. She assured the young lady ‘One of the outstanding art collections in the country’ that, while some redness and dis- comfort may occur, what had entered Mark Fisher, Britain’s Best Museums and Galleries her eye was most likely completely harmless - and had the added benefi t Escape the stresses of student life, even for an hour. The Fitzwilliam Museum’s of being rich in nutrients. treasures range from Ancient Egyptian, Greek and Roman antiquities to the arts of the 21st century and include masterpieces by Titian, Canaletto and Picasso, Trinity illuminated manuscripts, Renaissance sculpture, medieval coins and outstanding A most unchristian collections of Oriental and applied arts. boshing JOIN THE FITZWILLIAM MUSEUM SOCIETY Discover the Fitzwilliam Museum’s A young lady of upstanding charac- The Fitzwilliam Museum Society is a FREE ter and formerly unassailable vir- exhibitions and varied events tue took an unexpected and most society for students, and provides members regrettable moral tumble this week programme - including music and with a fantastic link to one of the world’s finest when she succumbed to the tempta- lunchtime talks – as well as the art collections right here in Cambridge. Benefits tions of alcohol. More than usually include exclusive talks, events and tours for uninhibited, our protagonist was Courtyard Shop and Café. members, plus a termly newsletter. lured into further depravation by For more information and to sign up to the what can only be described as an Admission to the Museum and all mailing list, see opportunistic scoundrel. Not only www.fitzmuseum.cam.ac.uk/support/fms/ was her vow of premarital chastity exhibitions is FREE overturned in the passion of the moment, but the entrance of her Trumpington Street hitherto unfulfi lled boyfriend put paid to any further pleasure. The Cambridge CB2 1RB Open Tuesday-Saturday 10.00 – 17.00 jilted swain proceeded to beat the Telephone 01223 332900 Sundays and Bank Holiday Mondays 12.00 – 17.00 guilty rascal to a pretty pulp in rec- ompense for his shocking and dis- www.fitzmuseum.cam.ac.uk Closed Mondays, 24-26 & 31 December and 1 January honourable conduct. Good show. Something to say? Friday October 12 2007 8 EDITORIAL&LETTERS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

Letters to the editor [email protected]

Established in 1947 Issue No 661 Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RF We Must Abolish the meritocratic system by buying admit that it is likely such a ‘tip- Telephone: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 760949 Private Education success. That’s unjust. A good ping point’ does exist. This struck For all its eloquent turns of education should be a right, not me as a glaring omission from his phrase and broad, literate vo- a very expensive privilege. We argument. cabulary, Ed Cummings’ article must abolish private education. Helena Wright Scandalmongers and Samaritans on admissions (An Unsurprising Edward Maltby Secretary, Cambridge People St John’s College and Planet There has been international interest in last week’s Varsity in- Elite, 28th September) was intel- lectually lazy and contradictory. terview with a Cambridge student who has worked as a prosti- As such, the article’s mismatch An Incomplete Girton JCR Stands tute. Broadly speaking, there have been two lines of response. between form and content serves Argument Strong On one level there has been a drive to sensationalise the issue as to undermine its own argument: The visit by Bjorn Lomborg, au- Please fi nd below a list of the far as possible, with the whole media circus trying to interview, it proves that you can polish a thor of the ‘Sceptical Environmen- JCR Committee members which name and expose the student involved. The second reaction has turd, especially with the help of a talist’ to the Union was interest- undersigned the following state- focussed on student welfare, latching onto the idea that a stu- private education. ing, though controversial. ment. The entire Committee has For Cummings fatally confl ates One member of the audience signed which clearly shows that dent would only become involved in an activity such as prostitu- the ‘best schools’ with ‘the best asked why he had not mention the rumours about the JCR Com- tion when in dire fi nancial straits. students’. The mere fact of going the effect of global warming on mittee threatening to step down One of the papers carrying the story, the Cambridge Evening to a very expensive school does agriculture and water supplies in are not true. News, reported in a manner hardly refl ecting the range of ad- not in itself confer merit. With his talk. Lomborg replied to this vertisements for escorting and massage services regularly in- suffi cient help and coaching, even by saying he did not have time “I am not in anyway planning to cluded on their pages. Their leader column yesterday bemoaned a mediocre student can achieve to address everything. He added step down from the JCR Commit- prostitution as “a very dangerous, slippery slope – one that ruins fi ve As at A-level and summon that the growing population of the tee and I support Karoline Klose world would cause a water short- as President of the JCR at Girton young people’s lives.” We do not disagree. But perhaps the news- age anyway. Yet surely climate College.” paper’s advertising policy and editorial moralising are not quite change will only make this worse? in synch. CEN did not contact Varsity before reprinting any of Lomborg seemed pessimistic Gemma Brady- Vice President, the material and the subsequent interview with our reporters about ever preventing climate Stef Porter- Treasurer, Deborah was conducted before Varsity had seen their initial treatment change. He stated that the Kyoto Margolis, Secretary/External, Jon of the story. We believe that our coverage has been misrepre- Protocol costs $180 Billion per Webb - Ents Offi cer, Tom Fitch year and will only delay the – Ents, Carrie Raynham, Wolf- sented. It may be that CEN are merely embarrassed at having warming by 5 years. I found his son Court Bar and Ents Offi cer, to wait for the Press Association to tell them about a story which use of economic fi gures confusing. Joanna Harries Welfare and Aca- was sitting right under their noses for fi ve days. Or perhaps they suffi cient brio to blag their way How can you put a price on a hu- demic (Women’s), Nick Evans – were merely out of their depth, not used to having to report on a through an interview. Again, this man life in the future? Welfare, Breanne Mc Ivor -Ethnic serious news story instead of their more customary diet of local isn’t an indicator of their intel- However, as well as his pes- Minorities Offi cer, Luke Andrews under-11 football matches and fl ower arranging conventions. ligence: merely a function of their simism about preventing climate - LBGT rep, Dave Walsh - Target class background. Meanwhile, change, he seemed optimistic that Schools Offi cer, Bernard Travers Varsity produced a piece of investigative reporting into the highly able students from rough global development and progress - JCR Webmaster and Computer ways in which students fi nance their degrees and lifestyles and schools routinely fail to get As will generate enough wealth to Representative, Daniel Ryder- into the more insalubrious channels open to those who choose to because of the obstacles that low- solve all the problems caused by Cook - Bike Rep, Mothusi Turner make use of them. It was not intended as a scandal and it was income life and disruptive school climate change. This poses the - Representative for International not intended as a call for help. environments throw in their way. question; how will this develoment Students, Roz Tandy - Green The extent of prostitution among Cambridge students is still Crucially, the defi ning feature occur if it is hindered by cata- Offi cer, Jonny Tassell - Wolfson unclear, and to generalise from one isolated case study would of private schools is not only strophic climate change? Court Offi cer, Jordan - Comms that they are ‘better’ than state After Lomborg’s talk it struck Offi cer, Rishi Baveja - Comms be foolish. This was a student who did see her job, at least at schools, but also that one has to me that he had not once men- Offi cer, Ewan Livingston - Girton times, as a glamorous one, and who was happy to come forward pay. Although he bleats about tioned the idea of a climate ‘tip- JCR Curator, Tom Klaentschi - and talk about her experiences in terms which were not over- “meritocracy”, Cummings admits ping point’ and the risk of positive Girton JCR Bar Rep whelmingly negative. Had she not occasionally viewed herself that these schools are there for feedback mechanisms caused by as something of a Belle du Jour, it is very possible that she would those “either able to foot the fees warming. I had the opportunity Karoline Klose not have agreed to speak out. or bright enough to secure a schol- to ask Lomborg after his talk why Girton JCR President arship”. Because scholarships are he had not mentioned this at all. There is certainly a more sordid side to prostitution in the city necessarily a minority, Cummings His response was that he did not Letter of the week will receive a of Cambridge. It is possible that there is a more sordid side to fi nds himself defending a system mention it as the science was not bottle of wine from our friends at prostitution in the University and it is possible that there are under which one can pay to cheat defi nite on this issue, but he did Cambridge Wine Merchants people to whom welfare networks would do well to reach out. But we know that the University is shot through with support systems at all levels, and we have seen no evidence to disprove the old tradition that once you’re in, the institution will support you to the end. None of those involved in Varsity’s investigation confess gave any call for welfare offi cers. They had, by their own admis- sions, made the decision to accept the payoff between a comfort- to able life and a less comfortable means of fi nancing it.

Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947, and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge college and to ARU each week. e

Editors Lizzie Mitchell and Elliot Ross [email protected] Associate Editor Lowri Jenkins associate@ varsity.co.uk News Editors Katherine Faulkner, Katy Lee and Camilla Temple [email protected] Comment Editor Tom Bird [email protected] Features Editor Ed Cumming features@varsity. sho co.uk Arts Editor George Grist [email protected] Interviews Editor Jossie Clayton interviews@varsity. co.uk Chief Sport Editor Simon Allen [email protected] Senior News Reporter Emma Inkester [email protected] Letters Editor Jo Trigg letters@varsity. co.uk Science Editors James Shepherd and Hannah Price [email protected] Fashion Editors Iona f y Carter, Emma Draper and Francesca Perry [email protected] Visual Arts Editor Sam Ensor-Rose [email protected] Theatre Editor Orlando Reade [email protected] Literature Editor Orlando Reade [email protected] Chief Music & Listings Editor Joshua Farrington [email protected], [email protected] Music & Listings Editor Verity Simpson [email protected], listings@varsity. co.uk Classical Editor Toby Chadd [email protected] Sports Editors Noel Cochrane, George Towers [email protected] Chief Subeditor Dylan Spencer-Davidson [email protected] Subeditors Trish Abraham, Charlotte Young Chief Photo Editor Lizzie Robinson [email protected] Chief Photographers Richard Gardner, Debbie Scanlan, Chris Thwaite [email protected] Online Editor Rhiannon Easterbrook [email protected] Online Team [email protected] Technical Director Chris Wright [email protected] Business & Advertising Manager Michael Derringer [email protected] Company Secretary Patricia Dalby [email protected] Board of Directors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof Peter Robinson, Tom Walters, Amy Goodwin (Varsoc President), Chris Wright, Michael Derringer, Joe Gosden, Lizzie Mitchell, Elliot Ross, Rhiannon Easterbrook

NEWSPAPERS Varsity Publications, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, SUPPORT Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity Anything to declare? Sniffed RECYCLING is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also Recycled paper made some scandal? up 80.6% of the raw publishes BlueSci, The Cambridge Globalist and The Mays. ©2007 material for UK newspapers in 2006 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication Post your secrets to us or NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any RECYCLING form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without email [email protected] prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Mortons Print Ltd — Newspaper House, Morton Way, All submissions remain Horncastle, Lincolnshire LN9 6JR. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Offi ce. totally anonymous Friday October 12 2007 Write for this section varsity.co.uk/comment [email protected] ROSTRUM 9

“Of what use to students?”

For years, Spanish art has been marginalised and left out of the textbooks. Marjorie Trusted defends a “repulsive” art of agony and ecstasy.

pain remains on the pe- blood and agony of the crucifi ed The 2006 Velázquez exhibition riphery for most European Christ, and the expressive sor- at the National Gallery in London art-lovers, particularly row of the Virgin are rendered in showed that Spanish art can be British connoisseurs. Span- intensely realistic forms on fl oats extremely popular in this country, Sish painting from the Golden Age, which show narrative scenes of and anyone remotely interested in with the notable exceptions of El the Garden of Gethsemane, the painting fi nds the Prado one of the Greco, Murillo and Velázquez, is Crucifi xion, the Descent from the greatest treasure-houses in the shunned. Spanish sculpture barely Cross and so on. In the churches world. It is almost always packed registers at all, and most people and cathedrals prayers are offered with visitors. Few however would be hard-pressed to name up to polychromed gilt fi gures visit churches in Spain, except any pre-twentieth-century Span- of the Holy Family and saints for Gaudí’s Sagrada Familia in ish sculptor. When the South Ken- placed on altarpieces. Often the Barcelona, or San Lorenzo at El sington Museum (now the Victoria dead Christ is shown on a bier, Escorial, where the Habsburgs and Albert Museum) acquired the white-green fl esh and crimson are buried, and where the mag- various impressive baroque sculp- blood eerily suggesting a real nifi cent altarpiece by Pompeo tures from the Peninsula in the corpse, rather than a work of art. Leoni and others looms up within mid-nineteenth century, an article Flickering candles within dark the great sixteenth-century in a contemporary magazine, The chapels and perhaps the smell interior. Perhaps now though the Art-Journal, shrieked out, “Of of incense add to the sense of a very characteristics of Spanish what use to [students] can those display which is both extraordi- art which nineteenth-century hideous Spanish terracottas be, narily naturalistic and at the same observers found disquieting can that represent the Saviour and time overtly theatrical. This sort be re-discovered and appreciated various saints in the most repul- of show was indeed “repulsive” to anew. Many Spanish works of art sive style?” those who had been brought up in which will sweep the receptive a post-Reformation culture, where viewer off his or her feet are in responding to such images was London: Zurbarán’s St Francis “Religious art in verging on idolatry. or Bermejo’s great St Michael, Conversely, Italian art, which is both in the National Gallery, with Spain was designed always top of the tree in the study their the expressive emotions and of art history and for tourists dark dramatic intensity; Alonso to appeal directly to (whether today’s trippers, or the Cano’s Vision of St John in the Grand Tourists of the eighteenth Wallace Collection, with its star- the emotions.” century), may be Roman Catholic, tling bright qualities and superb but its style is usually far more realism, and last but not least the Why is Spanish art still today classicising, the sculpture often magnifi cent and gigantic Valen- marginalised and frequently white marble, rather than natural- cian painted altarpiece dedicated ignored? It does not fi gure at all istically-coloured wood, embel- to St George, and dating from the for example in Ernst Gombrich’s lished with gilding. In one sense fourteenth century in the V&A. Story of Art, a much revered both the sculpture and painting In addition many great Span- standard text for students of art are descendants from the art of ish sculptures are housed at the history. One obvious reason is the ancient Romans, more control- V&A, such as an extraordinary exactly the criticism voiced by the led and more consciously works painted terracotta fi gure group by nineteenth-century writer quoted of art, rather than devotional im- one of the few woman sculptors above: the style is simply too ages. Most art-lovers make a point of the seventeenth century, Luisa expressive. In addition, the nature of visiting Italy, but Spain was of Roman Catholicism in Spain always perceived as trickier, and affected and still affects Northern was not part of the Grand Tour. Protestants’ reactions to Iberian “The mere fact of having travelled “Perhaps now the art. “I didn’t expect the Spanish at all in Spain has a peculiar- Inquisition!” may be an overly fa- ity which is denied to the more very characteristics miliar Monty Python line now, but hackneyed countries of Europe.” the sentiment recalls the shud- So wrote the great writer and of Spanish art which ders people (both Spaniards and traveller in Spain, Richard Ford foreigners) felt at the autocracy (1796-1858) in 1846. The practical nineteenth-century of the religious powers in Spain, and indeed political diffi culties of observers found so especially during the sixteenth visiting Spain could be offputting. and seventeenth centuries. This It was riven by civil wars during disquieting can be gave rise to the so-called Black the nineteenth century, and this Legend, the belief held by many perceived general lawlessness and re-discovered.” outside Spain that here was a disorder made foreign visitors country subject to the tyranny of fear at best logistical problems, the church and of the monarch. and at worst violent attacks by Roldán. Now perhaps we can Religious art in Spain was bandits. The British under Wel- respond to emotion, drama and designed to appeal directly to the lington had fought the Napo- religious intensity without fear of emotions. Visual art, rather than leonic troops occupying Spain and being contaminated by Spanish the words of the Bible, were used Portugal in the Peninsular War tyranny or totalitarianism. We to inculcate the faithful with cor- earlier on in the century, but in a can respond to colour and realism rect dogma. Great processional sense that confl ict merely con- without being anxious that this groups of life-size and life-like fi rmed the general British view will mean we don’t truly under- fi gures enacting scenes from that here was a country vulner- stand the Venus de Milo or the the Passion are carried annually able to attack and civil mayhem. Belvedere Torso. Enjoy! through the streets of towns and More recently the upheavals of cities throughout Spain during the Spanish civil war of the 1930s, Marjorie Trusted is Senior Cura- Holy Week, with music playing and the subsequent Fascist rule tor of Sculpture at the Victoria and crowds lining up to partici- under General Franco meant that and Albert Museum. pate, a tradition which has been Spain remained beyond the pale in force since medieval times. The for much of the last century. JAMES SHEDDON Comment editor: Tom Bird Friday October 12 2007 10 COMMENT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/comment

Michael Hilton Supply-side narcotics Dealing with the drugs trade has got to start at home

I’m confused. The ruling class is f we as a country wish to stem and traffi cking in Colombia are Add to this the inaccessible nature have a life expectancy of 45. They trying to tell me something, but the use of illegal drugs, the under pressure as you’ve never of the jungle and the vast sums of work twelve hour shifts, six days I’m not sure what. hard work must be done at seen it before”, nobody else does. money available to pay off local a week, at 4200m above sea level. On the one hand, we’re all meant home, not deep in the Amazon. Aside from seasonal variation, the offi cials and it is little wonder that The rock is so thick with arsenic to be terribly alone. Thatcher said IThe confl ict in Iraq is not the only price, purity and availability of the latest president’s efforts have that it is dangerous to eat. Chew- that there is no such thing as soci- war that the United States stands cocaine have changed little since proved as ineffective as every other ing coca leaves staves off hunger ety. Sarkozy says that the answer no chance of winning. First place at the early 1990s. Supply has not since the declaration of the war by and helps maintain strength. Coca to your problems has nothing to the American futility awards goes been affected. The Americans President Nixon in 1970. leaves continue to play a crucial do with anyone else, but with the to the war on drugs, not to the war are not alone in this - the current Coca is embedded in South practical and ceremonial role as individualistic formula “work more on terror. When compared with the war in Afghanistan has seen the American life. Numerous museums they have for thousands of years. to earn more”. A tall order for the White House’s continued inability Taliban’s production of opium soar on the tourist circuit underline its Even Peruvian President Alan thousands of public servants he’s to stifl e coca production in South to previously unknown levels. cultural and historical importance. Garcia recently contended that sacking. Dr Arif Ahmed’s article America, their actions in the Gulf Waging chemical warfare on coca The Incas were wise to its poten- coca can be consumed “directly and in this august organ (Issue 569, appear positively successful. farmers simply does not work. The tial, building long trails into the elegantly in a salad”, adding that it 28 September) parroted the old Since the year 2000, the United often is in his palace. dogma that all Western progress States military have been spray- The affl uence and demands of the is the result of atomised individu- ing Colombian coca fi elds with a western world have turned this sta- als beavering away at their own chemical so toxic that it is banned ple crop into plant enemy number projects in isolation (it’s just that at home. It permanently poisons one. The hysteria is such that a sin- this process unconsciously and ser- the land, and causes severe sick- gle coca leaf or mint-sized sweet in endipitously produces an economy ness in people and animals – think a tourist’s bag has them dragged off based on the exploitation of one Agent Orange in Vietnam. In by authorities. Laying the blame class by another). Like Scarface, Peru and Bolivia, where its use outside our borders is easy. In real- then, when asked whom they trust, has been prohibited, troops rip ity, the rising levels of drug usage up the plants by hand. Funds to can only be tackled at home. regenerate the damaged communi- A recent UN survey estimated ties and offer alternative means of that nearly 3 per cent of the Brit- “We’re all meant to survival have failed to materialise. ish population used cocaine in the Few crops fl ourish deep in the jun- past year, and that over 7 per cent be terribly alone.” gle and none offers the returns of will do so at some point in their coca. The spraying succeeds only lifetime. The problem is in our own in casting the United States as the back yard. In Britain, the little enemy. It is little wonder that its drug advice offered in schools the good liberal citizen replies, “I citizens cannot walk the streets of focuses solely on the health risks. trust me”. If you want anything, shut Bogotá without being kidnapped LAUREN HILL With a drug like cocaine, where up and work for it. If you’ve got a or that many young American the danger is minimal, this does problem, it’s probably your own fault. travellers now sew Canadian fl ags planes destroy many hectares of jungle to ensure its safe passage little to curb usage. There is no But there is another tendency in onto their backpacks. crop and many farmers’ livelihoods back to their capital Cusco. In its awareness of those who continue offi cial discourse. When applying Maybe the fi rm hand could be but production continues to outstrip natural form coca still provides high to lose their lives in its production, for a job at a coffee chain, I was deemed necessary if it reduced demand. Local farmers have be- altitude relief for everyone from and where demand is so strong, told that I would be a “member of the fl ow of cocaine to western come experts in “guerrilla farming”, Inca Trail porters to the islanders any attempt to solve the problem a team”. The feeling of exclusiv- streets, or taught the drug pro- planting their crop under banana of Lake Titicaca. It is also invalu- by attacking its source alone is ity was heightened when I was ducers a serious lesson. But while trees, or close to protected areas of able to those who work in desperate bound to fail. If the war is to have informed that the terms of my the American “Drug Czar” John P. jungle. Some even put protective conditions. In Potosi, the foremost any prospect of success it must be employment contract were secret, Walters believes that “cultivation substances on individual plants. mining city in Bolivia, the miners fought on a different front. and I could not even discuss them with my mother. A club with secret rules! Gosh! Just like Wil- liam and the Outlaws! Who would have thought that working for a Adrian multinational could be so...cuddly? Be gentlemen of leisure Everywhere, bosses are trying to Pascu- be our friends. They want workers to make an emotional investment Tulbure Why drink driving is preferable to dullness in the success of their fi rm, to feel that they and their employers are engaged in a common project. Hence all the shops which avow ’m not sure whether it’s fash- condensed into stodge. anarchism shocked and worried her and deadens, and a quick exami- a “passion” for whatever they’re ionable to read Forster any You may wonder quite how “the into grunts of disapproval. Soon I nation of your friends will reveal selling: they want employees to more. A shame, because much glory of the animal” and the pol- began spouting phrases such as, “I that most people are remarkably forget petty spats over things of his work has a peculiar ished sophistication of an epigram can’t wait to get back home and do alike. They eat and sleep similar like low pay or job insecurity, and Iresonance in this era. Consider, for snuggle together. When Forster some drink-driving”, just to see the amounts, respond to incentives, join hands with their boss in the instance, his damning indictment used the phrase, he did not mean pained expression on her face. The and avoid pain. Mankind is a high crusade for better coffee, faster of Leonard Bast in Howards End: that Leonard Bast was unwise fi nal straw came when we were 2:ii. Style, on the other hand, gives burgers, or whatever. he had “given up the glory of the for no longer shitting in forests; talking about our ambitions. Her us “the glory of the animal”, the Perhaps, like with dreams, these animal for a tail coat and a couple he meant that any free spirit, any career path was all set out. I told moments of delight and intrigue two contradictory models only of ideas”. What more need be said? individuality, any of the qualities her that I’d always rather wanted that make up the only really inter- make sense when you look at what The sheer joy of doing whatever that stood him out of the ordinary, to spend all day in a 24-hour Tesco. esting bits of our lives. they don’t say. The opposite of both the hell you like has been thwarted had been lost in a mire of unremit- We have not talked since. Style does not mean effortless the atomised liberal society and in favour of being solid, stoic, and ting dreariness. Implicitly, those Of course, I’m not saying we success. Take, for example, the the creepy happy-families model stolid. Leonard fails: his efforts to who simply conform, declining to should all be the Noel Cowards history – with which I am sure you of worker-boss relations is worker conform are cut short when he gets probe and question, are not fulfi ll- of the twenty-fi rst century. That will be intimately acquainted – of solidarity, worker organisation, in killed by a falling bookcase - ironi- ing themselves. Yet their crime is would still be a case of us conform- the Chartist Peter Bussey. Bussey, a word, unions. Both discourses cally, the very symbol of Edward- not failure but tediousness. ing to type. I’d also foresee some a Bradford publican considered swung into action during the tube ian respectability. But what has I remember having an acquaint- problems creating the next genera- “the fattest man in the North” strike: on the one hand, why were this to do with us? ance who was perfectly charming tion. But why be so collectively was architect and leader of the these workers betraying their cov- We live, readers, in rather a and rather decorative in a librar- distrustful of the stylish and the 1839 Bradford Rising. On the day, enant with their Metronet bosses similar age. In the papers we’ve ian kind of way. The list of books silver-tongued? Because, no matter Bussey fell ill, concerned Char- who only wanted what was best witnessed the fl apping efforts of what grey moralists will tell you, tists visited his pub to wish him a for them? On the other hand, why Brown and Cameron to be dull, style is infi nitely more important speedy recovery, only to fi nd him were they even clubbing together middling, and dependable. Style is than substance. After all, “the missing. It fell upon fi ve-year-old at all? If they were worried about out and substance, “not fl ash, just “I soon discovered French don’t care what they do, as Bussey junior to tell them that his losing their jobs and pensions, why Gordon”, is very much in. We’ve long as they pronounce it properly”. father, overcome with nerves, had didn’t they just work harder or seen it with Boris, too, fl oundering her fatal fl aw: she The ideal mode de vie, to con- instead polished off a barrel of ale retrain? The rightwing papers and against the damningly damning was moral.” tinue the Francophilia, is not and and was blind drunk in the cellar. the bosses were determined that damn that he is just not serious can never be that of the unsung The Rising was an ignominious we would not come to the correct enough. These days, great wits hero. This is because heroism in failure. But what style! conclusion: that all people who work of the past – a Wilde, a Disraeli, a this instance means work, and song I’m not sure what the moral of for a living have more in common Birkenhead - live on in badly put she had read was exhaustive; she is far more excellent and beautiful this is. Read Forster, perhaps. with each other than with their together volumes of “Wit”, which was polite; her essays scored high than work. It elevates, whereas Defi nitely be stylish. Never trust respective employers; that there is people put in the loo and occasion- marks; children trusted her. But work merely occupies. A far better a Chartist? But then again, it a fundamental confl ict of collective ally misquote over dinner. The I soon discovered her fatal fl aw: way of living would be one embrac- hardly matters: writing with a interest between those who work brilliance, glee and outrageousness she was moral. My lifestyle of ing the principles of style over sub- moral is hardly consistent with for wages, and those who pay them. of days past have themselves been depravity and Conservative-voting stance. Substance is dull; it limits style over substance. Friday October 12 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/comment [email protected] COMMENT 11

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Cambridge is swarming with tourists. I had always been dimly conscious of them, but since this morning my awareness has been spiralling alarmingly into neurosis. Lying in bed, I gradually gained suffi cient insomnolence to appreci- ate the respite sudden shade had given to my sun-baked slippery chin and steadily frying right nipple. I cast a grateful glance in the direction of the window, which was met rather unexpectedly by a vast and eminently mustachioed Eurasian gentleman. Apparently the facial gymnas- tics required to effect a speedy transformation from smiling benefi cence to an expression befi tting the unheralded bedside appearance of Borat’s obese uncle eludes my repertoire. I contented myself with gazing vacantly at his commendably crinite upper lip. Only when his stern appraisal of my room had concluded and instinct had clamped a protective hand over my chest did I regain the presence of mind to close my hanging jowl. Regardless of whether the per- petrator had been an over-inquisi- tive tourist or a slightly depraved bedder escaped from quarantine, his encroachment on my Leben- Hugo sraum riled me suffi ciently to take a walk through college. I suddenly Gye A free education found myself hypersensitive to the regular smatterings of eager, camera-laden sight-seers, pointing The privatisation of Cambridge should be welcomed and shooting with all the diligence of a party of over-excitable pre- pubescents unleashed upon ‘Laser Quest’. Struck with the mentality of the observed, I feverishly imagined ur liberty is under attack. Every that system: its commitment to equality of academic elite who will direct the intellectual myself as the protagonist in the student and fellow of Cambridge is opportunity in admissions. Each of the “Big life of the country in the next generation. Both detailed re-analysis of an incrimi- directly beholden for his or her posi- Three” - Harvard, Princeton and Yale - have aims are equally valid, but fl ourish best when nating snippet of CCTV footage, tion, and fi nancial future, to the British made an absolute commitment to remove separate. This is why nearly all of the coun- so frequently did my deference in OGovernment. Around one third of Cambridge’s fi nancial considerations from university choice: try’s best schools (including 28 of the 30 most the face of threatening camera- revenue comes from government funding for as Yale declares, “Yale College admits students prolifi c Oxbridge feeders) are entirely private: brandishing require me to stop teaching and research: if the government were on the basis of academic and personal promise freed from restrictions designed to bolster dead, back-track, skulk, and start to cut this fi nancial link the short-term conse- and without regard to their ability to pay… no those at risk of educational failure, intelligent walking again. quences would be disastrous. The University applicant will ever be denied admission to Yale and engaged children are able to explore an One such routine brought me must cut this link and regain its freedom and because of his or her family’s fi nancial situa- intellectual world well beyond the bounds of the to a standstill for long enough independence. Cambridge must go private. tion.” This is a bold statement, but one that National Curriculum. to catch a punt guide’s confident By “go private” I do not, of course, mean if adopted by Cambridge should surely deal Cambridge and Oxford are the only European assertions of how many goblins with the main objection to privatisation: that it universities with large enough endowments it took to build Queen’s and how would bar access to Cambridge to those from (around £4 billion each – one third of the size the Trinity fellows consume less well-off families. of Harvard’s, and sixty per cent of Yale’s and enough Earl Grey tea per annum “It is assumed in Britain that The fees currently charged by top American Princeton’s) to implement such an ambitious plan to fully submerge the Hebridean universities (around £17,000 per year) are on a in the short-to-medium term; the next-largest Isle of Jura. Seconds later I the state should subsidise par with the best British day schools, and signifi - endowment in Europe is that of Budapest’s observed a frantic legion of Japa- cantly less than those demanded by top boarding Central European University, with £250 mil- nese snappers, who had located higher education for all” schools. Many Cantabrigian families could afford lion. Despite this comparative wealth, however, the chapel, and appeared divided this outlay without too much diffi culty; the rest the University recognises the importance of amongst themselves between would qualify for fi nancial support. To take the increasing extra-governmental revenue to bring trying to ascertain whether example of Harvard, support there is available Cambridge closer in line with the American Big the building was susceptible to become a profi t-seeking company, but merely that for those with a family income of up to £100,000, Three: the Vice-Chancellor (recruited from Yale) epilepsy and competing over who it should rely on non-governmental sources for its with full scholarships for those whose families launched a campaign in 2005 to raise £1 billion could end the exercise with the funding, on a model similar to that used by most earn less than £30,000. Two-thirds of undergrad- by 2012, and businessman Nick Cavalla became stumpiest fingers. American universities, and by British private uates at Harvard receive some fi nancial help. the University’s fi rst Chief Investment Offi cer I wondered if tourists had schools. This is not a proposition I would extend Some people would think twice about applying in April. These new initiatives seem like serious always been so pervasive. Had to all British universities for now: it is only Cam- to Cambridge following the introduction of fees. steps towards eventual fi nancial independence. Wordsworth been forced to plunge bridge and Oxford that have the resources and Yet a good education is an investment which will I might end here with a personal note: I swearingly through a scrum of mindset to make such an experiment work. surely prove to have been good value for money. agreed to write this article as devil’s advocate, static wags on the Bridge of Sighs It is assumed in Britain that the state should It is all very well to declare that fi nancial arguing a point of view which I appreciated but to get to lectures every morning? subsidise higher education for all; even the independence is possible; yet given the sacri- did not share; and yet, as the arguments have More importantly, had Wilber- highly limited system of tuition fees recently fi ces entailed, we must prove that it is in fact taken shape, I fi nd myself convinced that Cam- force and Pitt amused themselves introduced has caused enormous controversy. desirable. There is a gigantic gulf between the bridge (and Oxford, although that is none of our by patiently holding obscene, Yet this need not be so: we who receive the basic aims of the state and those of Cambridge. concern) must take immediate steps towards sodomy-based poses behind untold benefi ts of an Oxbridge education should The state is essentially an engineer of social privatisation – please ignore the Thatcherite university landmarks in the hope be prepared to pay for it, through a system of equality, making sure that every citizen is fed connotations of that word – and full fi nancial in- that portrait artists would draw student loans, grants for those less able to pay, and housed, and that none receives abuse at the dependence, which could come within ten years. them in without noticing? Did and signifi cant upfront fees. The current situa- hands of his fellows. Cambridge (and Oxford), I have cited the American system because it John Cleese derive his inspiration tion, whereby the Government pays two thirds on the other hand, are almost the most elit- appears the best in the short term; its open- for the ‘ministry of silly walks’ (including the tuition fee loan) of the costs of un- ist institutions in the country, with that elite ness and freedom seem superior to any other sketch from what happened when dergraduate study, leaving the University with having rightly changed from aristocratic to country’s. But however the new order might he screamed “get off the grass!” a signifi cant loss on every EU undergraduate it meritocratic over the last century. The Gov- manifest itself, there is no reason, other than an to errant tourists from the lofty admits, will surely not be viable for much longer. ernment aims to get half of young people into unwillingness to pay for privileged education, window of a Downing set? Privatisation along the American lines could higher education. Cambridge, by contrast, is to remain under the control of a state which I’m not sure really. I do wish only work if we adopted the best feature of fi xed on quality rather than quantity, raising an should be governing rather than educating. they would bugger off though. news reader. news maker.

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One Question ? Why is Cambridge so decadent?

Guy Stagg Debutante

The word decadent seemingly garnishes every Facebook event invitation, promising birth- day parties or club nights of epic excess. At Cambridge the caricatures are hard to resist: lavish Brideshead types in punts, sashaying down the Cam on a tide of champagne; or drinking societies drowning formals in a cocktail of cheap wine and mis-matched ties; and of course scrums of Blues on the Cindy’s dancefl oor clubbing in a style not seen since the sins of Gomorrah (or Sodom for that matter). But the sober reality is a somewhat more disappointing form of decadence, and anti-cli- matic in a New Zealand’s Rugby World Cup kind of style. For debauchery we have mobs of sci- entists snoring through 9.00am lectures, and for depravity this hedonist has encountered up to four different fl avours of dip at a single drinks party. Whilst other universities apparently promise Freshers’ Weeks on a par with the riotous corrup- tions of Nero’s Rome, the only riot Cambridge promises during its Freshers’ weekend is the societies’ squash. Ask any other student in the country - after boasting of their own rockstar sins in some grubby corner of the campus, they will express surprise that Cambridge prom- ises anything more stimulating Environmentally to the spirit of excess than a highly competitive speed Su Doku contest. But this caricature is equally misguided. Cambridge offers decadence of a rather more Sound subtle and varied form: the lavishness of our surround- ings and the indulgence of our traditions. If that fails then one can always attempt champagne Bjorn Lomborg, the controversial author of “ e Sceptical Environmentalist” supported alcoholism through- out May Week - students here who has denied the severity of global warming, talks to Hannah Price about Al may take their exams far more seriously than most others, but Gore, global warming and charges of scientifi c dishonesty. they celebrate their ending in far more style. However, this is ith both the climate and is fi ercer than ever, but Lom- Lomborg as a “global warming he fi rmly upholds that climate no excuse for the proliferation Wour politicians getting borg warns that “a democracy sceptic”, one of those so vilifi ed change is “real and man-made”, of the phrase to include subject- hotter under the collar, Bjorn where everybody is screaming by Al Gore in his award-winning he articulately emphasises with based tea parties or late night Lomborg is telling us all fi rmly means only the loudest people documentary “An Inconvenient heavily referenced statistics that library sessions (unless the to “Cool It!” - as his new book is get heard, it does not mean the Truth”, but speaking to the “it’s often not the catastrophe it stories of late night shenanigans suggestively titled. Public focus best arguments get heard.” Dane shows that this is em- is made out to be”. in the distant corridors of the on our precarious environment It would be too easy to brand phatically not the case. Whilst Continues on next page UL are true). Features Editor: Ed Cumming Friday October 12 2007 16 VIEWPoints [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features

Environmentally sound... Continued from p17 At a talk last week organ- about the environment” but tackling global warming effec- ised by the Union and SciSoc, also consequently much less tively relies on policy-makers Statistic of the week he even applauded Gore for rich, having spent $180 billion rather than the public, and “we bringing the matter to the cutting carbon emissions. He should make our society such  e Fresher Lubricant Ice-Rink attention of policy-makers. argues that there is virtually that people do what is smart He does assert, however, no difference in their actual but they don’t actually have to that “we need to find much effect on our environment. In consider it”. smarter ways to deal with For instance, he says “I don’t climate change”. Problems have a car, I have never owned arise because cutting carbon a car, but I live in a country emissions makes “us all feel where you have a 180% tax on good, warm and fuzzy inside”, cars,” It is a clear price incen- but in reality the strategy is tive to get off the road. He “fairly costly and does very admits “I am actually vegetar- little real good”. ian, which means I emit much

It is a controversial stance, less CO2 but this is because of but then again Lomborg is no moral reasons - because I don’t stranger to the heated arena want to kill animals.” of environmental policy. After When confronted with people an academic career as a social proud of being carbon neutral, he scientist, rather than a natural likes to retort “well, I have saved environmentalist, he found 1000 people from malaria”, fame and controversy follow- insisting, perhaps a bit smugly, ing the publication of his book that “somehow I would actually “The Skeptical Environmental- argue that is a lot better”. His I suspect not, but I rather hope ment of the late Mrs Danger- ist”, in which he claimed that message to all of us is similarly that Cambridge is unique in its hands I myself stretched (and the popular panic about global pragmatic: you can “change method of welcoming new stu- rarely has the word been more warming was massively exag- your light bulbs, it’s not going dents with complimentary party apt) the relationship between gerated. In the wake of the to save the world”. bags of condoms and lubricant. my body and the Sky+ remote to book’s 2004 publication and the former, we can hope that His message has also often I’m not sure there’s anything celebrate my own matriculation wide media coverage he was renewable energy use will go been obscured by invective and more likely to make one want to dinner. But my point is that I both unsuccessfully investi- “up to 14% instead of 13%” of by past claims of scientifi c dis- run off and shag, unprotected, wouldn’t do it again, and neither gated for scientifi c dishonesty our total energy use by 2030, honesty. “It annoys me immense- everything breathing than being would she, even if she hadn’t met and also named as one of the while in the latter it “would go ly that people call me names,” he handed a bag of condoms pack- her maker in a tragic ten-pin “100 people who shape our all the way up to … 16%”. says “I think if we had a polite aged in patronising guff about bowling accident in Potter’s Bar lives” by Time magazine. As For this reason, Lomborg conversation about this and if ‘responsibility’ and ‘disease’. Par- last summer. well as jetting around the is trying to provide “smart we all recognised that we were ticularly if it is handed out by All of which brings me to my world (and Cambridge) to strategies” to deal with global trying to make a good argument, some ropey-looking do-gooding point, which is that the lubricant promote his new book, he runs warming, such as promoting people would behave very differ- no-hoper who is quite blatantly given out to freshers could be the Copenhagen Consensus; a very long-term investment in ently.” As it is, he coolly accepts in need of an unprotected shag put to a much better use, namely group of top economists who the “research and development that global warming is such “an or two herself (don’t tut, it’s the construction of the world’s meet to pragmatically analyse in non-carbon emitting tech- emotionally charged argument” always a girl). fi rst skate-free ice rink. Let’s say solutions to global problems. nologies”. The economic focus that personal attacks are part But whatever your views on there’s 6000 freshers, each given Rather surprisingly, their last of his arguments is what has of the package. In his response sexual health, you have to concede 15ml of the stuff. That would give deliberations showed we would made him so prominent, espe- to claims of scientifi c dishonesty, that lube is a bit of an odd product. us a mighty 90 litres of glori- get greater value for money by cially since government policy in he acknowledges that there is It seems to have been designed ous lubricant. Saying that you tackling HIV Aids and malnu- Europe and the US has begun “no such thing as a true number” purely to encourage deviancy – need about 2mm of lube all over trition than climate change, a to shift towards long term, and that “of course it would be everything about it screams ‘Your the fl oor, you get a wonderful 45 conclusion still strongly sup- fi nancially prosperous means of very unlikely that I would be body doesn’t naturally facilitate square metre ice rink, with no ported by Lomborg today. climate preservation all right and they would be all what you have in mind? This’ll need for ice (hence environmen- Reform of global warming Lomborg strongly states that wrong. But it does strike me that help.’ And I’m convinced nobody tally friendly), no need for skates policy is necessary because, as “quite frankly we have got to I am much more right.” uses the free sachets – surely (hence safer) and no need for any Lomborg vividly paints it, we realise that most things we To discover whether or not anybody who wants lubricant has other methods of fresher integra- are stuck between two distinct can’t do very much about” and this strong statement is true, realised it by now? (“Gee, Suzie, it’s tion. political scenarios. In one, that “not everyone should be one would have to trawl through just what we’ve been looking for”) You heard it here fi rst. “the George Bush scenario”, looking into (climate change)”. the many references listed in his That said, on the encourage- Adrian Dangerhands we “focus on being rich” and It is news that will be unwel- books, an unlikely task for the don’t “care very much about come to those increasing num- majority of the concerned public. the environment”. In the other, bers eagerly planting trees and But one thing looks clear: Lom- “the Al Gore strategy”, we are recycling their household waste, borg’s logical arguments ought Profi le of the Week going “to be much more caring but Lomborg reiterates that to infuse the climate change debate “with more rationality”. You’ve put it online, we’ve taken it off He sees himself “as a good pur- veyor of information for a better Charles debate on these issues” and Embarrassing wall “whether, at the end of the day, I am an economist, a statistician, Marshall post: or a guy who tries to read natu- ral science, I am not sure, but I 2nd Year Historian, St. John’s Did you bring me back a little hope at least it could be argued College black baby? (Duncan McCombe) that I’m a guy who tries to bring a smarter sense of our conversa- tion to the table.” At the moment, Lomborg Friend count: Embarrassing argues our climate policy is 873 not only “pushing people to do photo: something that is costly and has fairly little effect very far down the road” but has been Lamefactor: promising much more than it 10 can deliver. His suggestions will fare much better, he claims, but in order to explore them fully, we fi rst “need democracies Interests: dependent on conversation, not Anything, Nothing, Brooding, screaming”. Fetishes, Make Believe, Ship- And regardless of who is ping Forecast “right”, it is diffi cult to argue that Lomborg’s meticulous, statistically-founded take on en- vironmental issues can do harm Harry Potter to the quality of the debate. As he rather sensibly concludes, House: “if this is really a century long Gryffi ndor problem, it is unlikely we are going to make good judgements with panic”. Perhaps it really is time to “cool it”. Religious Views: Al Gore has been an outspoken critic of Lomborg’s theories Devout Roman Catholic Friday October 12 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features [email protected] VIEWPoints 17

UndergraduaTelly is is You Competitive Drinker We watch TV, so you don’t have to.

Banter (capital B) I don’t say this lightly – indeed reminiscent of the 19th century “Ironic” Nazi salute I rarely say anything lightly, the sugar crisis. future Mrs Reicher doesn’t like it “Ok, Ricky from Wolverhamp- 63rd (4th) VK apple (she claims that constant frippery ton, here’s the question – does “puts her off her stride”, whatever a diet of Skol Super, Mayfair of the night, mate this “stride” is - I’ve never seen it, and old betting slips make you although we haven’t shared a bed a) clever and sexy, b) ugly but in over a month anyway thanks wealthy, or c) a bit dead?” to an operation she had on a Pause. nasty hernia) but the time has “ Oh no, Ricky, I’m afraid that’s come to tackle the game show. the wrong answer, call again!” “Chew it, fresher” It was always there, lurking at And the worst thing is that the back of my mind, as I expect you know they will. And these  e wounds it was yours too, nagging away are the games of skill, bear in like the last pitta that nobody mind – we haven’t even ap- of failed will eat, or my aunt Patricia proached the epic, art-house who has never been married heights of the games of chance. lunges (though you’d have thought four The Price is Right, anyone? children might testify other- Wheel of Fortune? Programmes wise). Britain has been respon- presented by a syndicate of sible for some pretty curious plasticine paedophiles, with wax cultural decisions over the years in their hair and their dignity – Australia springs to mind, a long, long way behind them. I Vomit left from together with Hull, the Natwest mean come on - the last civilisa- Tower, Queen, The Queen, JMW initiation Turner, William Hague, Kelly Osbourne, Genghis Khan (not strictly British) and Sir Trevor MacDonald. A pretty stonk- ing list of naffness, I think we Penis, fl apping Polyester- can agree, even if you’re one of those people who will watch the gently amidst mix society “Mirror Pride of Britain Awards” (with Jude Law) and cry for any spilt kebab tie. Proudest reason other than shame at be- ing born within the last twenty- Brian: Idiot lettuce moment of fi ve years. But nothing on that list, remark- tion to use a gigantic rotating Cambridge/life able though it is, comes close in its wheel to decide anything where comedy understatement of human the Sumerians, BC, and even achievement to the audacious, jaw- they could probably get at least slackening world of televised trivia. Stephen Fry to do the spinning. Embarrassing It is a murky world, in which no Perhaps there’s a case for contestant is too stupid, no prize too some government intervention. I formal footwear demeaning, and no host too speedy mean on the one hand I’m always to invite suspicions of deviancy. A delighted to watch people having from schooldays world unto its own, you might well a wrestle in the sludge at the say, in which for half an hour the bottom of the gene pool, but on values of human civilisation are the other hand the task of being distilled diminished and inverted your erstwhile television corre- Girl (comatose) you’re into an easily digestible slot (a bit spondent is made immeasurably Dignity like a walk to the Grafton centre, in harder when you perpetually off to “score” with that regard). have to run the risk of your brain Although to be fair, even turning to jelly and running out within the broad palette of the of your ears, forcing you to de- genre, some colours are duller grade and take up Theology (Part than others, with Mastermind II), which would be an outcome squatting proudly atop the pile, that nobody wants (least of all weeing casually down into the the future Mrs Reicher, who has open mouths of the likes of ITV threatened not to come on a mini- TOM WRIGHT Play (with Brian Dowling), a break to Bruges with me unless I programme which was so dan- get at least 66) gerously moronic, even for the Game shows are hard to de- Going Up Going Down morons, that it actually had to scribe because they work against be withdrawn from service, just your brain on such a plethora of on the offchance that somebody levels simultaneously. Go, watch, watching learnt something and and then jump off a house. Men Poverty Radiohead promptly died, in scenes eerily John Reicher Ali G was right about us all Being a student’s not so bad New album from the world’s along. And now his cousin after all. Rolling crap fags, best band, pay as much as has provided absolutely in- drinking cheap cider,. Like you want! Er, defatigably undeniably true being a gypsy, only legiti- that’ll be noth- evidence that men are better mised and subsidised by the ing, then. than women at activities like governenment. furniture fl at-pack construc- tion, science and thinking. Thom: Rich

Cycling Monotheism 800 glorious years Just stop it. It’s so annoying. So CICCU have begun their The Sun: “Former Cambridge All over the pavement, all over annual assault on our patience Students include Prince the roads, all over my face. with their typical slew of coy, ir- Charles, Mummy movie Have some diginity, guys. You ritating propa- star Rachel Weisz, Blue are no better than me. I am ganda. “What Peter host Konnie Huq and walking. I am not better than can Jesus do Countdown’s Carol Vorder- you, but I am quieter, and for you?” He man”. I reckon Isaac Newton more talented. can naff right and Sammy Taylor-Coleridge off. must have just missed out. Davidson: Talent Jesus he’s annoying Fashion Editors: Grace Chatto and Jack Patterson Friday October 12 2007 18 VIEWFashion [email protected] varsity.co.uk/fashion

Bookworms Farewell to the uncool geek. Say hello to geek chic.

Glasses all from Optical Express: Bulgari £140, Prada £170, Gucci £150, Guess £120 (from left). Black hat stylists own, 1940s cherry hat £75 Boudoir Femme. Shoes all from TopShop: Silver lace-ups £40, Chocolate fl ats £45, Leopard print buckle shoe £55, Gold trainers £65. Photographed by Jack Patterson Gloves from Boudoir Femme. Styled by Grace Chatto Friday October 12 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/fashion [email protected] VIEWFashion 19

Rip what you sew Benj Ohad Seidler

Remarking that one should separates you feel at a loss when dress for one’s age, shape or it comes to planning every outfi t situation in life is a hackneyed in a vaguely interesting way. adage that rings shrill from the Buy everything either a size too mouths of such ‘style-oracles’ big or a size too small. as Trinny and Susannah. Forget about conventional sartorial Libra rules and shroud yourself in People see you as elegant and the fabric of your character. If most defi nitely a thinker, so the night adorns itself with its you’re more attractive for your stars then so can you, with this ideas than their execution. You week’s fashion horoscope. like to use your mind to tackle problems, and you’re one of the Aries few signs ready to tackle vol- Your style is brisk and uncom- ume and tailoring this season. promising. In a season inked in Try shopping in places like black, you strong-mindedly de- Debenhams to fi nd an edge of cide to use colourful accents to maturity. subdue austerity. Giambattista Valli’s red statement skirt and Scorpio black cashmere jumper are your You may be magnetic, elusive, guiding lights. sexy and determined; but this season everyone’s going for Taurus subtlety. This means you’re left Hard-headed and intuitive, out in the cold. However, good Taureans are better off using grooming and classic leather their under-estimated reasoning brogues will last you well into Modelled by Idil Mohamed, Lucy Mckeon, Izzy Finkel, Elle Carter skills. Be sensitive to your envi- your 30s, when your style will ronment and think of the bigger blossom into the black orchid Bookworms picture. Cut the bull and instead everyone knows you’re clutch- of drawing attention to one part ing shut. Farewell to the uncool geek. Say hello to geek chic. of your outfi t, make sure it all works as a coherent whole. Go Sagittarius for a Jil Sander-like severity This is not your season, but There was a time, not so very long ago, when the good student looked … well, with a techno-fabric dress/jacket if you favour a good gamble studious. You know the kind of thing: pale face, nerdy specs, shapeless coat, and who on a deep dark base. then try blindly aiming your hands at whatever seems most Gemini guaranteed to get you noticed. into the light to view the landscape were thrown into sharp relief by those glamorous Vitality, inquisitiveness and People don’t tend to think about good communication skills mean you in terms of dress-sense, you are one of the few signs that preferring to focus on your can brace the season’s defter unreliability. trends. But beware of crassness; when having fun with leather Capricorn and velvet you risk alienating Caution is the name of the your companions. Try a Christo- game for you. A sweetheart pher Kane inspired-piece for an neckline is about as daring as accessible take on your pen- you’ll get and midi lengths are chant for aggressive trends. shunned for long skirts and sisters’ books. leggings with jackets and shirts Cancer (it’s less shocking then you’d Being the nurturing style, you imagine). Your time is coming, Marc Jacobs’s winter collection is all about classic prim, very lady-like, dark hats will want to be out supporting much to the dismay of others, your friends this term; whether and this coming summer is this means holding their hair a Romantic epic that is well- transform what would otherwise be quite boring dark suits, while Dior’s hats are crazy, back for them in Cindy’s loos or worth anticipating. often playful nineteen forties style numbers, worn with long, loud evening gloves. These having tea-breawks in the UL. Tailoring can constrain you in Aquarius this, and a fl uid, trailing sweater Tailoring seems staid to you. or cardigan on the barely-appro- You are on a high with techno- priate side of shear will let you fabrics, and fi nd your kicks at fl oat through this term. Marni, where smock dresses have a plastic sheen that will Hey presto, the worm has turned. Leo fi lter down to the high street Ruled by the sun, you are with a more sporty tone. You’ll ablaze with colour this winter. favour stripped-down acces- You yearn to turn fi nd that sories and layer cheap t-shirts organized, cheerful character for forms that betray intricate, that’s had a bit of a discon- innovation-hungry characters. certing summer. Dior’s merry Parisian romp should give you Pisces guidance on how to embellish In a season where everyone is primly and look like the lady or sharp and subdued, you feel gentleman you know you are. a responsibility to stay more earthy and have the strongest Virgo link to the past. Edwardian The smock-and-leggings disas- hues give strength to over- ter this summer was perfect for worked blacks and you have you. Earthy, quick and straight- freedom to play with more girly forward, it was hard to go wrong accessories without seeming (and you have a very low-toler- saccharine due to your true ance threshold for mistakes). emotional links with certain In a season defi ned by smart pieces. Features Editor: Ed Cumming Friday October 12 2007 Friday October 12 2007 Write for this section: 20 VIEWFeatures [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features varsity.co.uk/features [email protected] VIEWFeatures 21

e Dining Room, with Tom Evans Le Fleur I really love my college, but... ★★★★★ We all know about the Tompkins table, but which is the college that Cambridge actually thinks is the best? Our team of intrepid reporters set out to ask students one simple question - which Gastropubs, like mezzanines, white pointy shoes and the is the college, other than your own, that you would most like to be at, and why? e results make for intriguing and sometimes surprising reading. Words by Ed Cumming, almost all of the sort of photographer that takes black and white pictures of offi ce work by Nicola Hale. is is the inaugural Cumming Count workers doing poos in dustbins, always threaten to be a bit Hox- 10 SIDNEY ton 2001. For those of you whose There’s been an awful lot of simply cannot be true, can hair reeks of the damp potato coverage of the Tompkins table it? The students here are a air of the provinces: Hoxton is this year. There always is, but wonderfully diverse bunch, SUSSEX a place in London where people it’s never really very interesting, but with that variety comes wear the Hoxton Fin on their Although it is apparently “pretty” And then, the bin. Colleges because it has never been clear the obvious fact that some are (pretty seeming to be the descrip- head. The Urban Dictionary has what it actually tells us about better than others. I cannot a useful entry on the Hoxton tion of choice for Cambridge which didn’t get a single vote. any of the colleges, other than a do Maths. My mathmo friend colleges), Sidney was predictably Fin: Firmly styled longitudinal certain number got fi rsts. Adrian cannot read Latin. hair appendage favoured among enough praised for being “near to Take a bow... It gives a certain reputation, It follows naturally that all Sainsbury’s”. Also, rather oddly, the Shoreditch Set around certainly – most people now colleges are not created equal. 2000-2002. Suggested usage: for the “great chat”, of its girls, 9 ST know that Emmanuel is sound Some are good for sports, some whatever that means, although the He thinks he’s all that with his academically. But despite its for history, some for music, Hoxton Fin and Pumas, but at person who said that to us seemed fall from grace this year, most some for competitive drinking. very pleased with said chat. JOHN’S 35 he ought to know better. After would also still argue that But these lists take time, Christs 2001 Hoxton got so trendy that it Caius is strong in that area. and provoke less debate than Amazingly falling just inside the top New HallNewnham started to cost too much even for Despite coming a long way the measure we’ve taken for ten, John’s won points for its fantas- trendy people to live there, and down the overall list, Clare the inaugural “Cumming tic bar and for being large, central people who look like that man is still regarded as one of the Count”, the fi rst Varsity rank- and old. One particularly well-built on the Monopoly board moved toughest for English. ing of the colleges we would specimen praised it for being “close to in. Because it would be funny to Whilst it receives a lot of all most like to be at. We went Ask”, the logic of which is pretty hard Churchill do something silly they closed all column inches, not least in out and asked 110 random to fault. Suffered slightly as a result the food shops and normal shops this very organ, the Tomp- people one simple question: of its reputation for loutishness. and opened money shops where kins table is a remarkably “Aside from your own, which Homerton you could buy money, but this unhelpful piece of statistical college would you most like to Caius was just very ironic and silly so research. But at the moment be at, and why?” they sniggered jingling sniggers it’s all we’ve got. When bright- The results were in some behind their (gold) hands. eyed schoolchildren come up cases surprising, and in others The laminate table at which for open days and ask, all much less so, but the factors we were seated was exposed serious faces and dreams of which made up people’s minds and pubby and, incidentally, medieval stonework, which were surprisingly varied. 8 ST CATZ high enough to be a mezzanine. college they should apply to, Such a simple question gives Apparently the “friendly” college, Looking at our table, I recall that it’s very hard to say anything a wide scope for response, and there was a mezzanine in the which seems to be the default that’s neither screamingly they ranged from the fl ip- praise for colleges with no other sixth form common room at my bland or a blatant truism – pant to the deadly serious to secondary school (far from the defi ning characteristics, St. Catz “Magdalene’s nice, it’s on the the historic. It’s a far from is also blessed with “really nice exposed brickwork of Hoxton). river” (although that one’s scientifi c account, but it gives The braver among us would people”. Insert your own bland only half true). a new perspective on college platitude here, if you like. Twinned play a game called Stuntman, But most of us cop out, life - one which the University which involved jumping from with Pembroke in the “inoffensive” defend our own colleges and authorities might be too shy to stakes. the mezzanine onto a sofa that then explain that it’s all about confront. someone had found in a skip “personal preference”. This outside. The greatest threat was the vibrant cultural scene on the sofa; all sorts of epizoons feasted in its folds. But nobody ever died 1 KING’S playing Stuntman*. If you were to attempt a jump from our table One of the best-known sights in the at the Fleur you would die as you country, it seems that even students 7 PEMBROKE hit the fl oor thirty seconds later. cannot but fall for its aesthetic The Fleur is not exactly the charms. The Chapel is a delight, the A surprisingly high entry, perhaps, for one of gastropub of Hoxton 2001. It is lawns immaculate and the cows are the less prominent colleges, but those we spoke ruminating, but its beauty was only in which the survey becomes a self-proclaimed bistro and the to rather liked the fact that it was “unimpos- increasingly less indicative of food is dainty: some way from one of the reasons people gave for ing” and also, rather quaintly, that it had a duck liking King’s, along with the 70/30 anything other than the people the bangers and mash approach. pond, as well as being central, small, and pretty. we happened (at random) to It’s also the sort of place where state/private ratio, its coffee shop, Not very scary, then, but maybe that’s what you its “cathedral-like” dining room and, survey around the university. food comes in a broad white need for doing maths. But the reasons given for bowl with a roguish scribble according to one, “The weight of his- tory, time and man’s achievement the choices people made are of sauce. Nonetheless, the bar refreshingly pragmatic. You and restaurant commingle and all around you”. So that’s about that, then. It’s unsurprising that some of might think that being old, or unpretentious ‘creamy mash’ 4 TRINITY these colleges didn’t feature rich would sway people to a col- was served with our lamb. I have at all - with only one choice it lege, but on the whole it seems Money can’t buy you love, except in ejaculated about the merits of is never going to be likely that not to have been the case. But this survey, where it appears money perfectly cooked prawns before in people pick colleges outside of respondents were particularly has bought rather a lot - the reasons ILLUSTRATION: JANE HALL this column, but the Gambas al 2 CLARE the old, major famous ones. But concerned with the location of ajilo starter deserves a mention. people cited for wanting the live in Clare seems to have acquired a Mammon’s accountancy department Christ’s and Caius not featur- colleges and their aesthetic ap- In the other starter the grape- 5 TRINITY ing at all comes as a bit of a peal, but most important of all fruit and pistachio were singed positive reputation as much as by 3 EMMA included “having your books paid not having any negative connota- for”, tickets to the May Ball, and shock - Caius has one of the seems to be the general ambi- brilliantly and sat well with the most prestigious profi les in the ence, or sense of community, chicken salad. It was good to see tions as by its accentuated positives. Just goes to show that Emma’s good accommodation. HALL 6 JESUS Still, it seems that “prettiness” (a academic reputation still counts University, and Christ’s came that the college provides. well-cooked cabbage - too often second in this year’s Tompkins For all of their talk of access used as mere garnish - as the shallow bunch, these undergradu- for something, although the excel- Aside from being “the most like Jesus won points for its “cheap ac- ates), and proximity to the river lent prices at its bar also won it Clare”, according to one Clareite, peo- commodation”, its “good people” and Table. If nothing else, the re- and academic achievement, only vegetable with the sea bass sults put paid to the notion that perhaps colleges would do bet- main. A couple next to us who were both factors for a good number admirers, and together, apparently, ple favoured Tit Hall for being small, its stonking May Ball, which received of those surveyed. they create an ethos of ‘work hard, central, good for Economics, and for quite a few plaudits. People were also ‘each college is equally good ter to foster a community where had been whinging about the in its own way’ - Cambridge everyone gets along. In the wait for their food munched con- play hard’. Bonus prizes for seeing having a very good policy of integra- attracted to the “really nice” gardens, anyone from Emma actually ‘playing tion between different year groups. including the “odd, breast-like hedge- students have resoundingly middle of town, with fantastic tentedly once it arrived, chewing shown that this is not the case. architecture. And a sound, if not with that slightly sideways jaw hard’, but it does sound nice. Of the non-obvious choices, here and rows”, and the opportunity to ride the Clare seem to be the front runners. notorious horse. Indeed, the top fi ve colleges awesome, academic reputation. motion that only old people and on this list accounted for more A tricky ask, then, for a picky camels can do. than half of the total votes cast group of students. But when * Three people died playing - further down the list becomes you are as spoilt for choice as Stuntman, actually. a world of odd, left-fi eld choices, we are here, why not? Write for this section: Friday October 12 2007 22 VIEWFeatures [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts Eco wars Allegedly the environment is in trouble. But regardless ...while Ted Decomines attempted of whether you are for or against global warming, exactly the opposite. Ever-mindful of the task in to do it in style. So I booked is there anything that we, as hapless and largely hand I actually began the a taxi, and then another one, previous night. Before I slept I to take my books. They both incompetent students, can actually do about it? did a round of the fl at, turning stood waiting outside, engines on all radiators, hobs, micro- running, for quite a while Hattie Middleditch tried to spend a day as eco- waves, toasters and lights, before I emerged, wearing while leaving the taps running head-to-toe Nike as the most friendly as possible... (hot and cold), the fridge and eco-offensive brand I could windows wide open. fi nd in my cupboard. All of this served to get me The gear was fairly unpleas- off to a fl ying start even before ant, so I had taken the op- particularly supper. Formal I woke up, by which time the portunity to spray Lynx Africa swaps are of course out of the kitchen was an odd mixture of all over me and over every question. hot, cold and radiation. Still, surface in my room, twice, Not only do they involve co- I was wrecking the environ- which took up two cans. But pious amounts of alcohol, the ment, and that was what it was worth it - you could production and transportation mattered. almost smell the hole in the of which is releases vast quan- It was only really gesture ozone-layer growing. tities of harmful gases, but it politics, but I also smoked It’s diffi cult to be that is inevitable that participants more or less perpetually from eco-unfriendly in lectures, in such social events will end dawn until dusk, which was and having the taxis wait up in some carbon-emitting even more unpleasant than outside for me was a bridge sweat pit. you’d imagine it to be (you too far for my limited banter- But even before you’ve have no idea how demoralising budget, which had already gotten there, you’ve had to been stretched by the advance endure the meal itself. It’s purchase of 160 fags, the Lynx fairly safe to assume that any “I booked a taxi, and the initial taxis. Rather foodstuff produced within the conveniently, however, as I college kitchens, quite apart and then another chomped on some grapes help- from being a nutritional dis- fully labelled as having come aster, is completely devoid of one, to take my from Peru, I remembered that any ethical merit. But if you I had the Varsity Ski trip to don’t go to your own hall, and books. ey both book, and what better day to pay a fi xed kitchen fee, then notch up a gratuitous return the wasted food constitutes an stood waiting fl ight for a luxury holiday? If equally appalling environmen- it counts, that moment was tal crime. outside, engines probably worse than the rest For me it was a bridge too of my day. far – it is no way to spend a running, for quite Out in town there were day, let alone a life, continual- fewer amusing things to be ly worrying about whether or a while before I done to abuse the environ- not your shoes are made out ment, although I took a fair of hemp or your donuts are emerged, wearing amount of glee from pick- carbon neutral. But similarly, ing up an entirely full box of Oak tree: ecologically sound if you care at all you ought to head-to-toe Nike” recyclable glass and putting want to set an example. it into a conventional bin, just I woke to my solar powered packaging comes as standard) As I lay awake, unable to it is to smoke whilst brushing because I could. alarm clock early, because they made for a healthy and sleep from the pangs of soya- your teeth). The day started pretty en- that’s when eco-warriors wake, satisfying meal, although induced hunger stabbing at After a breakfast of Japa- tertainingly, but after a while before casually throwing on a oddly devoid of taste. I had my belly, I thought about the nese import-muesli, and some you realise that you were ‘seasalt’ organic cotton v-neck looked rather longingly at greenest thing you could do tea which I made (boiling a born with a conscience, and and skirt. These “bright and some soya nuts, but on a in Cambridge, and concluded full kettle to do so), allowed to that one’s gut instinct these breezy”(whatever that means) larger scale those things could that a protest at Stansted was cool and then warmed again in days is to turn the light off, basics, as advertised on the have serious consequences probably the way to go. It’s the microwave, it was time for and not waste stuff unneces- “seasalt website”, are 100% for the planet; they carry a only an ambitious cycle-ride lectures. sarily. Hell, I even felt bad organic cotton. Who knew carbon footprint comparable away, and by chaining yourself My rooms in King’s really about some of it afterwards. fashion could be both stylish with a trip to Gstaad on the to the runway (how do people aren’t that far from the Sig- The brainwashing has worked, and ethical? private jet. do that, exactly?) just think of wick Site, but if you’re de- then. I was also very lucky that I washed up using only a the hordes of eager holiday- stroying the world, you want Ted Decomines Cambridge is so well-suited moist cloth and some hand- makers you could delay. And a to walking. A pedestrianised made soap (recipe available at stint in incarceration, as well centre means that cycling or soapmakingtoday.com). Some- as being in itself very green walking to lectures is virtu- times a little hygiene must – you don’t consume much, ally obligatory. I grabbed a be sacrifi ced for the cause, I’m told – would also help to fair-trade frappe for breakfast although by the end of the day harass Stelios from his plans and sauntered on smugly to I could physically feel myself to turn the world orange.. the Sidgwick site, clutching wafting around the place. So there it is; a brief in- my pad of recycled paper and The best way to have spent sight into what a green day pencil (available from the my afternoon would probably in Cambridge is like for the Green stationary company) in have been to dress up as a average student. While I’m all hand. Mobiles were banned, tree and cycle round Market for the cause, I have to con- of course, but then who needs Square with a wind-up radio fess my green day was really human contact when you’re in a (recyclable) plastic bag, pretty boring. It’s a shame saving the world? blaring out Madonna’s “Mate- – it oughtn’t be the case, but A pre lunch browse of the rial Girl”, but I don’t have a constantly thinking about the market provided a plethora wind-up radio, though I do still environment takes the edge of fresh and organic produce have some sense of shame. off more things than you’d at prices which quite frankly In the end I passed the day imagine. I’m not the only one put supermarkets to shame, pottering harmlessly, not buy- – there must be hundreds out and combined with vegan- ing anything and occasionally there eager to do their bit, but organic-fairtrade-gluten-free lounging, all in a pleasing, only when it becomes a tad miso bread from the health green manner. But the night more convenient. food store (100% recyclable was an absolute minefi eld, Hattie Middleditch Bulldozer: less so Friday October 12 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 23

Jim and Vigour Jossie Clayton talks to legendary British actor Jim Broadbent about portraying terminal illness on the big screen, the Harry Potter “constitution” and how he plans to grow old profi tably efore I met with Jim (he insisted on buying the tea), death-bed scene might bring of smoke.” with the long haul and has Broadbent, I asked a I realised that it is precisely another Oscar to Broadbent’s When I ask him if he has any found himself at the peak of few people what came to this reservation, humour and already drooping shelf. It is advice for young actors that his career at an age where he Bmind when they considered modesty that have earned him a wonder that the prospect of he wished he had been given is afforded a private life that him as an actor. The responses the longevity which many in awards, glamour and all of the himself, he stresses the need so many younger stars are de- were associated with a tell- such a fi ckle industry can only glittering hype that surround for a type of passion for this nied. Something that Broad- ingly varied set of fi lms. Some dream of. such performances has yet to profession that amounts to bent has now had to do count- friends were delighted at the Broadbent’s involvement go to his head. “Once you’ve tunnel vision. “I think that if less times for a role is what he prospect of discovering insid- with any production, whether had a couple [of awards] you you’ve got any doubt about it, refers to as “ageing up,” where ers’ secrets about Bridget it be on the TV, stage, radio, big sort of take it with a pinch of there’s no point in trying to do he has to slip into the shoes Jones and Moulin Rouge!, screen or in his own writing, salt and you know that it’s not it if you’ve got any choice in the and make-up of an older man while others cited Iris as one rests almost entirely on the the be-all and end-all. On the matter, really. It’s not 9-5 and for a particular part. Unlike of the most poignant fi lms ever extent to which he is drawn whole it’s not a particularly I’ve been very lucky but most a lot of women in the industry, made and many mentioned in by a script. His latest fi lm, healthy state of affairs but it is actors spend a lot of the time for whom he admits it is a lot The Borrowers as their favour- And When Did You Last See a way of getting involved and not working. So if you’ve got tougher, this should garner ite childhood fi lm. I could go Your Father?, offers what getting the fi lms to be seen.” any options, take them!” more and more work as he on to mention Gangs of New The many awards that Iris It has in many ways been a gets older and it is with a dry York, a short role in Only Fools received did exactly this, and it blessing that the “wise people wit that he considers “every and Horses (he turned down “Once you’ve had a is now used to help carers get at drama school” were right falling hair as another casting the part of Del Boy) and Lord a clearer idea of what coping about the fact that Broad- opportunity.” Langford but I think the point couple of awards with Alzheimer’s is like. bent would only come into So aside from some fortune- is clear: Broadbent is an actor Though the fame game a lot of regular work in his bringing balding, what next for who has based the success of you sort of take therefore plays no major part thirties. He joined the ‘ugly this icon of British cinema? I his entire career on his diver- in Broadbent’s determination modelling’ agency for a while am once again greeted with sity and his ability to bring it with a pinch of to play new and more chal- (though ponders the possibil- patient humility: “I think I’ll something new to each script. lenging roles, his new appoint- ity that perhaps he wasn’t wait and see what other people “I like the unpredictability salt” ment as Horace Slughorn and ugly enough) and gave himself come up with really. What [of acting]”, he tells me, and it an upcoming involvement in “either ten years or until I was other people come up with is turns out that it’s a job that the latest Indiana Jones fi lm thirty” to give this “game” a generally more interesting suits his “very low boredom Broadbent describes as “clearly prove his compatibility with serious go. Fortunately for his than I do.” For once, it is im- threshold” perfectly. I won- a very honest piece of work”. multi-million pound projects. countless directors, he stuck possible to believe him. dered whether he can even call “I knew that it was a very He is thrilled to be joining the it work and the answer was “no, objective and clear reporting (very commercial) machine because it’s a game, really, not of something real and for that that is Harry Potter (“the Jim Broadbent: Filmography a job.” The original “perilous reason it is very moving.” And constitution”, he calls it) and profession”, so called because of When Did You Last See Your points out that his name is its inevitably short contracts, Father?, starring Colin Firth, only one of many amongst 1997: The Borrowers 2005: Robots (voice) drama offers the type of life- is the fi lm adaptation of Blake a star-studded line up. To 1998: Little Voice The Chronicles of style where “your whole world Morrison’s memoirs of his fa- manipulate one of Horace’s 1999: Topsy-Turvy Narnia: The Lion, The can change” according to what ther and the process of watch- own terms, I ask whether it 2001: Bridget Jones’ Diary Witch and the Wardrobe project is round the corner. ing his defeat at the hands of worries him that young actors Moulin Rouge! 2006: Longford Such a nomadic and unstable a terminal illness. Broadbent such as Daniel Radcliffe seem Iris Art School Confi dential interpretation of Broadbent’s plays Arthur Morrison, Blake’s to have had their taste of Felix 2002: Gangs of New York 2007: Hot Fuzz “hobby” is very different from father, and uses the experience Felicis (lucky potion) at what Nicholas Nickleby And When Did You Last the impression I got of the of watching his own father die is an incredibly early stage 2003: Bright Young Things See Your Father? man himself. He is quieter as a reference for the role. As in their lives and careers. “I 2004: Vanity Fair 2008: Dirty Tricks and more measured than I had the poster tells us, “between think it’s perilous to happen to Around the World in 80 Indiana Jones and the thought such an infl uential every father and son there is anyone. For the young actors Days Kingdom of the Crystal actor on screen could be in real a story to be told,” and Broad- in their twenties who are just Vera Drake Skull life, proving that perhaps art bent’s performance as part of huge, that must be really hard Bridget Jones: The Edge Harry Potter and the can only mimic life to a certain this story has already pro- because it’s very unreal really of Reason Half-Blood Prince extent. Across our coffee table voked early rumblings that the and it can disappear in a drop Arts Editor: George Grist Friday October 12 2007 24 VIEWArts [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts Oh, we do like to be B-Side the A-Side Josh Farrington and Verity Simpson debate the pros and cons of the B-side, while Varsity picks the best of the bunch

kay. Time to ‘fess up. The grooves (or whatever), and it only the sharpest, best songs. fi rst single I ever bought was seems that CD owners will soon But this is a bad thing. You ONatalie Imbruglia’s Torn. To my go the same way. I try to stay don’t cut your favourite chapters mind, it still stands as a great away from eroticizing compact from a book, or the best scenes song (a recent singles collection discs, but my innate selfi sh- from a fi lm. Albums are written from the Australian soapstar- ness and agnostic attachment and recorded as a single entity, turned-popstar supports my to earthly possessions leads me a unifi ed work of art, meant to faith in her greatness), and when to value my CD collection more be taken and appreciated as a I bought it, I remember my joy than just about anything else I whole, and singles are the same. at possessing such a shiny, shiny own. An mp3 fi le on a compu- B-sides aren’t just useless cast- object. And you know what? ter just isn’t the same – I can’t offs tagged on merely to encour- When I take it out of its card- search for it in a shop (where it age people to buy a song they board case now (ten long taste- will be, invariably, hidden away already own, they’re fragments adjusting years later) and slip it behind a discount ska compila- of surplus creativity that reward into the tray, listening to those tion), then take it triumphantly dedicated fans and document three precision-aimed tracks to the till, rushing home with it musical experiments that don’t of pop wonderment still brings to place it on the stereo like a work in an album context. And back the same giddy thrills it did sacrifi ce upon an altar, and sit- sometimes, just sometimes, then. Vinyl collectors are always ting back to worship.People rave they’re better than the singles accused of geekishly fetishiz- about the download revolution themselves. JF ing their collections, buffi ng because it means we can cut out their sleeves, and greasing their duff tracks, and burn ourselves

Track: The Model Lost on: Neon Lights, Computer Love Artist: Kraftwerk

Yes. Not once, but twice did German man-machines Kraftwerk give away one of their most distinctive songs as a B-side to a far inferior A-side. Showing a distinctive pop-nous that informed all of their greatest tracks, The Model’s chiming synth-lines cut to the core of a society in thrall to superfi ciality, anticipating the rise of the yuppies in the decade to come. Also beloved by New Romantics, and they were right about everything.

Track: Unchained Melody Lost on: Hung On You Artist: The Righteous Brothers

Yes I know, I hate this soulless dirge too, but it’s impossible to deny its commercial success. Number one in the British charts by four dif- ferent artists (Jimmy Young, The Righteous Brothers, Robson & Jerome, and Gareth Gates), and reputedly Simon Cowell’s favourite song, it was considered so boring during the Righteous Broth- ers’ recording that one of them (Bill Medley) isn’t even singing on it. Yet somehow, radio DJs saw through the lack of verse, chorus, or pleasant tune, and recognised an unlikely pop behemoth beneath – playing it over its now forgotten A-side, Hung on You. ILLUSTRATION: JAMES SHEDDON

Track: Acquiesce Track: Bigger Boys And Stolen Lost on: Some Might Say Sweethearts Artist: Oasis Lost on: I Bet That You Look Good On The Dancefl oor Artist: Arctic Monkeys It was quite a shock to realise that the proto-human Mancunians Noel and Liam Gallagher knew a word as long as It is a truth universally acknowledged that a girl will always acquiesce. In fact, they didn’t know what it meant, as they later admit- choose a man who is bigger and richer than you. It’s this philosophical ted. Despite this, the song was an absolute cracker. Found as a bonus on mantra that inspires this bittersweet ode from the stinging pen of Alex the 12-inch release of Some Might Say (not even the conventional single Turner, back in the days before waves of unremitting scenester backlash for crissakes), this song proved their God-given (or perhaps chemically- drowned their every offering. What we shouldn’t forget is how good these induced) confi dence, chucking away songs with casual abandon, only to early singles (Fake Tales of San Francisco et al) were, and how strong be found years later in pride of place on B-Sides compilation The Master- the B-sides they backed them up with were as well. All that hype hap- plan and contract fulfi lling Best Of, Stop the Clocks. pened for a reason, and this was why. Friday October 12 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 25 Oh, we do like to be B-Side the A-Side debate the pros and cons of the B-side, while Varsity picks the best of the bunch

’m not ashamed of my fi rst that. The reason most bands it? That’s why so many B-sides single. It was the Manic had a B-side was due to the that were actually worth IStreet Preachers, If You Toler- demands of their record labels, listening to passed under ate This, Then Your Children but let’s face it - the major- the radar, and were, at fi rst, Will Be Next. Okay, not their ity of them just weren’t very wasted. And why should mp3s best, but I can honestly say good. Or, more irritatingly, and downloads be condemned that I have no recollection of there were just three remixes and blamed for the death of its B-side. I didn’t listen to of the same song. Or worse, an the B-side? If it’s such a good them then, and I certainly instrumental version. Crap. song, release it as an mp3 and don’t listen to them now. The However, this isn’t meant to watch the sales fl y in. If people CD B-side is dead, and its be an essay condemning the can listen to 30 seconds of an ashes have been scattered B-side, or at least the concept excellent track, which may not over iTunes, where a phoenix of a B-side. I have nothing have had exposure on a single has risen from them to take on against an added bonus for CD, they’re more likely to buy the form of a sort of ‘pick and your money, as long as it’s ac- it. Well, thank god these ten mix’ attitude to the purchase tually a decent track. But let’s B-sides were saved from the of music. You hear a single bear in mind that we need to reject pile. In many cases, they somewhere, and if you like it move forward. Why put out a proved themselves superior to enough you buy it on iTunes CD single with a good B-side their A-sides and became clas- (or you download it from your when, in the current download sics. And you can buy them on music savvy friend) and that’s frenzy, hardly anyone will buy iTunes too. VS

Track: Queen Bitch Lost on: Rebel Rebel Artist: David Bowie

Even if you claim to dislike David Bowie, on account of being a little bit scared of his weirdness (it’s alright, everyone else feels this too), you can’t claim not to like this track. If you do, you’ll be fl ying in the face of, well, pretty much every respected music opinion, ever. Written for Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground, it has been covered no fewer than ten times, by artists varying from Seu Jorge to the Arcade Fire. If nothing else, the title should appeal.

Track: Eleanor Rigby Lost on: Yellow Submarine Artist: The Beatles

Track: Maggie May Lost on: Reason to Believe Well, we couldn’t not include at least one Beatles song, could we? Of course, any band who produces work as con- Artist: Rod Stewart sistently good as The Beatles couldn’t avoid having a clutch of nigh-on- perfect B-sides, but this is the pick of the bunch (some might say Rain, but this is better). Later included on Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, it’s instantly recognisable, and infi nitely brilliant. Bigger than Jesus, and defi nitely better with a piano and a handful of chords.

It didn’t take long for radio DJs and fans to realise the great gruff Rod’s mistake and get the ludicrous listings of this single reversed. But despite this oversight, the ballad of the hooker with the heart of gold had already snuck into the British charts. Now it’s a staple of karaoke, school discos, and even inspired a fantastic fi lthy short story by legendary music writer Lester Bangs – not bad for a B-side then.

Track: Talk Show Host Track: How Soon is Now? Lost on: Street Spirit (Fade Out) Lost on: William, It Was Really Artist: Radiohead Nothing Artist: The Smiths

One of the more surprising entries to the B-sides list, A classic by anyone’s standard, the fact that this repetitive, atmos- this one. After all, how could How Soon Is Now?, The Smiths’ pheric haunter was used up as the second B-side to Radiohead’s equally signature song, be used only as a B-side, to William It Was Really Noth- brilliant hymn to existential despair, Street Spirit (Fade Out), shows ing of all things? Thankfully, Morrissey and co soon realised the error of that the mighty Radiohead have talent and tunes to spare. Nagging their ways, and Johnny Marr’s experimental guitar workout (and fi rm away on the soundtrack of Baz Lurhman’s Romeo+Juliet, you might not fan favourite) became an A-side in its own right a year later. How smart know what it is, but you will know it instinctively as the background was that? Oh, it was really nothing. I’ll stop now. music to pain and disaster. Arts Editor: George Grist Friday October 12 2007 26 VIEWArts [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts ANALYSIS National Treasures

You can buy Radiohead’s new album at whatever price you think it’s worth, whether it’s a tenner, 2p or nothing at all. Ed Cumming explains why they may still be set to make a killing.

he news that Radiohead tention surrounding the new are planning to release pricing (all publicity is good Tnew album In Rainbows on publicity after all). By releasing the internet, charging people through their own website they as much as they are willing to also avoid incurring costs from RAVI AMARATUNGA pay, has been seen as an act of iTunes (or whoever), and after career suicide. separating from former label Sachithanandam Sathananthan and Sabiha Sumar But a quick look at the facts Parlophone, there are no pesky shows that all is not entirely record-label overheads either. are two Cambridge graduates who headlined the Toronto as it appears. Although it Though people might be pay- seems like they might not ing less than they would have Film Festival with the groundbreaking fi lm Dinner with the make any money from the done otherwise, every penny release, once you look at the will go to the band. You could President: A Nation’s Journey, recently shown on BBC4. numbers it becomes apparent argue that this is just how it that they might well stand to should be, but that would do Ravi Amaratunga met them to talk about Pakistani do better from this potentially a disservice to the labels and “free” release than if they put promoters, who incur great ex- politics, the ups and downs of fi lm-making and the benefi ts the album out on a conven- penses nurturing new artists, tional CD. the majority of which never of a Cambridge education. A survey by the NME last makes it to Radiohead’s level, week suggested that fans or even to iTunes. A handful of were, on average, prepared bands at the very top subsi- he Royal Ontario Museum fundamentalism in a country discussion about his vision, his to spend about £5 on the new dise this industry – it might stands tall in leafy down- caught right in the middle intentions, his political as well Radiohead CD. This doesn’t not be fair on them, but then town Toronto, positioned of the West’s ‘war on terror’. as personal past we discovered sound unreasonable. It is less again Radiohead would never Tneatly between Bloor Street We compare what Musharraf another irony: this army gen- than the price of an album on have reached where they are and Queens Park, slap bang in himself has to say with my own eral has set out to empower the iTunes, and it’s roughly half to now had someone not been the middle of the University of journey travelling and meeting disenfranchised, particularly a third of what people would prepared to take a fi nancial Toronto campus. Its futuristic the various voices of Pakistan.” women.” spend on a physical release risk on them earlier. design seemed like the perfect I asked them both about the CD in a shop. When people Whilst it’s admirable to venue for the Democracy Talks most revealing aspects of the are asked to name a percived allow punters to pay what showcase, a series of documen- “We discovered fi lm-making process. “For me “fair” cost for an already- they think the music is worth, taries which forms part of the personally I guess what really priced album, a third is often there’s a case to be made that Toronto International Film another irony: struck me was how I am viewed the chosen value. Radiohead’s approach is on Festival. It was in a pokey little as a patriotic yet independent People’s willingness to pay slightly questionable grounds. cafe across the street from the this army general female Pakistani.” Indeed, dur- might make more sense, were This in itself would matter less prominent ROM that I met two ing the fi lm Sabiha encounters it not for the confusion in had Radiohead not made it so Cambridge graduates who were has set out to a meeting of the MMA – an our heads about the costs of clear that they are an ethically headlining the bill with their alliance of religious parties in making a CD versus those of minded, responsible group with fi lm about the controversial empower the a tribal parliament. During a releasing an album online. their previous commitment to President Musharraf of Paki- moment of heightened ten- According to the Almighty charitable causes. Revolutions, stan, Dinner with the Presi- disenfranchised, sion the meeting is dismissed Institute of Music Retail, a no matter how well intentioned, dent: A Nation’s Journey. as many of the tribal leaders research group, a conventional always risk causing upset in Sachithanandam Sathanan- particularly cannot stand the idea of being CD costs approximately £3.60 areas that were never consid- than (or Satha for short) and addressed by a woman in such to manufacture, distribute and ered by the original plotters. In Sabiha Sumar are the hus- women” a manner. Despite Sabiha’s put in a shop. These expenses this case, what might appear as band and wife team which pleas of a common outlook for explain why it’s cheaper to a blast of egalitarian self-sac- co-directed and produced the Pakistan, the bitter taste of a buy music from an internet rifi ce may eventually provide fi lm, and I began by asking Sabiha is also keen to point polarised society lingers on. site like iTunes. a deadly blow for some of the Sabiha how she would describe out the central theme of the Satha explains that for him Radiohead, however, have grass-roots bands who will nev- the piece. “The background fi lm, the concept of an army the fi lm necessitated the re- gone even further in cutting er suvive without the benefi t to the fi lm is General Pervez general bringing democracy to examination of the nature of the costs involved. As one of of the label system, and who Musharraf’s coup in 1999. the masses in a positive way. Pakistan. the world’s biggest acts, they could never self-promote in the Musharraf has since claimed “I would say that this idea re- “For me it was an odd experi- scarcely need to pay for adver- way Radiohead could. It might to democratize society. Satha ally spurs the fi lm. Satha and ence. A Nation’s Journey was tising, and indeed any such perhaps be better to charge a and I were allowed to sit down I were really intrigued by the only tagged onto the end of the expenses they might have fair price, one which refl ects and talk to Musharraf over idea of a President in army uni- fi lm in post-production and we incurred have been entirely the fact that not all bands enjoy dinner and discuss ideas about form delivering democracy to found that the original ques- eliminated by the media at- their superstar status. democracy, women’s rights and the masses…indeed during our tions which we scripted – both Friday October 12 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 27 National Treasures Ten questions Amanda Holden

What luxury can you not live without? Being able to afford to fl y posh class on long haul fl ights!

What advice would you give to young actors now that you wish you have been given yourself? Be careful from the start what you say in public… It will come back to haunt you!

Given the power, how would you change the acting profession? I would bring back proper student grants again so that Satha (right) and Sabiha take a break from the Toronto fi lm festival RAVI AMARATUNGA talented students could actually train without fear of debt. That goes for all students actually.

If you had to spend the rest of to the President and to the Film Festival until the very was invaluable. For this project your career being type-cast, various strands of society we last minute, because our so I co-directed for the fi rst time, what type of character would met – changed dramatically. called agent at the time had and I structured the fi lm as you most like to play? The complexities of Pakistan actually forgotten about the I would one of my papers. In- I would love to play more bitches really surfaced during our whole thing! Well you have to tense research beforehand, and like Mia in Cutting It. journey, and the need to re- laugh don’t you? Film-making then drawing all the different defi ne our concept of democracy is a pretty tough business, and strands together in the blind What is your favourite thing seemed all the greater at each though all of our fi lms have hope that it will turn out OK, about your job? encounter.” got warm receptions at all the and it always does.” Just being able to do the job I The fi lm’s reception has been festivals we’ve shown them, I fi nish by asking them if dreamed of and be paid for it is positive, and further success getting them distributed is they have any advice for bud- unbelievable. seems to be forthcoming. “We’ve really hard and eking out a liv- ding Cambridge fi lm-makers. showcased it at Rotterdam, ing is a tough business.” Satha “As Sabiah said, it’s a re- How do you spend a day off? Hanover, and it’s going to be explains further: “Yes, the lows ally tough industry, and you My perfect day would be with screened at Sundance. I think are pretty low, but the highs put your heart and soul into my daughter, fi ance and two the reception here in Toronto are great, and there’s no deny- a project only to see it at the dogs walking along Thames, has been pretty representa- ing it’s an addictive process.” mercy of distributors, and it’s lunch out, read the papers, tive so far – members from I then asked them about the disheartening. But I’d say don’t early bath (all three of us - not the Pakistani (or South Asian, circumstances of their meet- wait for funding to come to the dogs!) then bottle of wine more generally) diaspora living ing, which surprisingly didn’t you. Get out there and make and bed. Very boring but fab in western countries, and other actually happen at Cambridge for me! people who had no idea of who at all. “I did my MPhil in politi- Musharraf was have both told cal thought just as Satha was Is there a particular us how informative and touch- leaving, and our paths didn’t “ e need to re- achievement in your life or ing the story has been.” Satha cross till a good few years career that you can single out adds that they have “also just later,” Sabia explains. “My defi ne our concept as that which you are most signed a deal with ITVS and time at Cambridge was pretty proud of? 2DF in Germany to turn the study-orientated and I went to of democracy Being nominated for an Olivier piece into a documentary, so Karachi afterwards to take a Award for Thoroughly Modern we’re pretty excited.” position in marketing and to seemed all the Millie. Dinner With the President: do some journalism on the side. A Nation’s Journey is by no My articles were pretty well- greater at each RAVI AMARATUNGA If you had to go back to study means the duo’s fi rst produc- received, and by chance one guy rolling.” for a year, what subject would tion. “We usually make fi ction- from a fi lm production com- encounter” Dinner with the President you choose? orientated feature fi lms bring- pany in Germany suggested was recently shown on BBC4, Journalism or advertising. ing up many of the issues the I embark on a fi lm.” “And you but there are currently no documentary addresses. For needed a producer so married your fi rst fi lm and see what plans to release it in UK One item for which you would example in Silent Waters, we me.” “I think we both know it happens. It’s uncertain, test- cinemas, which is a great return if your house was see a woman’s struggle in the was a little more involved than ing and at times unbearable, shame. It is a beautiful fi lm burning down? newly declared Muslim state that!” Sabiah retorts. but at the same time incred- that incorporates the sur- The huge photo album and of Pakistan in 1979.” Sabiha Satha is grateful for the ibly exciting. If you have the real landscapes of Pakistan’s family tree my Grandad worked chuckles and explains the cir- skills he gained at Cambridge, passion and enthusiasm that deserts with the truly pressing on for years for us. cumstances of the fi lm’s initial and explains how they have only youth can bring then you political and ethical issues of reception. “Actually there is a helped him with his fi lm- really have nothing to lose and a constantly changing country. Which three songs would pretty funny story with that making. “Well I did my PhD in everything to gain. Sabiah is Sabiah and Satha have already you insist on including in a fi lm. It was my second fi lm, Land Economy, and I still write equally encouraging. “Getting started production on their soundtrack to your life so far? which Satha produced, and I papers in journals in South your fi lms out there is defi - next feature, Rafi na, for ZDF Dancing queen, My Heart didn’t fi nd out it had won the Asia quite regularly, so in that nitely important I would say – and ARTE, due to be released Belongs to Daddy and YMCA. Pardo d’oro at the Locarno sense my time at Cambridge and once the ball is rolling, it’s in late 2008. Arts Editor: George Grist Friday October 12 2007 28 REVIEW [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts

view Dir: Annie Castledine from the gods Medea Cambridge Arts Theatre Theatre ★★★★★

According to the programme vel at and occasionally avert their lines in an exaggeratedly and Jason showed an effort- notes for Medea, theatrical their collective gaze from. In singsong tone, and throughout less command of the language, Oscar Wilde said “a cigarette is the “directness and vitality” were contrast to the “civilization” of the production achieved an im- and their fi nal showdown after perfect of a perfect pleasure. It is the proposed governing princi- the Greeks, Medea is a “bar- pressive solemnity of rhythm. Medea had killed her children exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfi ed.” ples of the fl edgling Cambridge barian” and, as an outsider in This, in turn, was complement- was as powerful and heart- The pretentiousness of quoting Wilde Greek Play at its inception in a foreign land, her situation ed by the actual music provided wrenching as anything I have can only be assuaged by the fact that he 1882, and Annie Castledine’s was a metaphor for the aliena- by an onstage trio of musicians. seen performed in English. was wrong. production of Euripides’ trag- tion of women in a patriarchal The language barrier was eas- This was an innovative, as- They are desired by a large edy, performed in the original society. In Castledine’s hands, ily hurdled by the talented cast. sured and poetic production, not number of people for up to an hour, language of a 2,500 year-old she became a kind of femi- Robert Lloyd-Parry’s Aegeus to mention an impressive feat, and when they fi nally arrive we text, possessed those qualities nist Prometheus, desperate even achieved a comic warmth for which all involved deserve applaud. They facilitate some of the in abundance. By choosing to to be unbound, and achiev- of characterisation, appear- enormous credit. It could perhaps most enjoyable activities: smoking, incorporate additional onstage ing liberation only through ing as an old English duffer, have had more of an impact if the drinking, conversation. And always seating, while also making the most savage of means, by in spite of the Greek. Virginia protagonists’ operatic emotions leave us wanting more. use of a thrust stage which killing her children to revenge Corless, as the Messenger, gave had been turned up a notch or Medea, like ADC lateshows, intruded into the comfortable her husband’s infi delity. Misha the story of the princess’ death two but, all things considered, it cleverly denied us the pleasure of sanctity of the audience, Cas- Verkerk as Jason single-hand- by poisoning an exhilarating was a rare treat for a Cambridge an interval. And we actually had tledine’s production achieved edly captured the arrogant breathless vitality. Most impor- audience. to sit through the whole thing an immediacy of staging which masculinity of Greek society tantly perhaps, Marta Zlatic Ed Rice rather than sloping off to fi nish provided an appropriate plat- (quick to dismiss women as and Misha Verkerk as Medea a bad essay about Elizabethan form for the representation of mere sex-fi ends) while it is the sonnets. Luckily the play was very the raw, uncompromising emo- unfaithfulness of men, rather good so there was no need for a tions which we associate with than women, which is asserted stampede to the ice-cream-sellers. Greek tragedy. by Medea. In this sense, Castl- The problem is that we are By setting her production in edine’s production was fasci- under the impression that student 1912 England and by casting nated with the exploration of theatre is capable of entertain- the chorus as a group of suffra- feminine liberation, whilst also gettes, Castledine had clearly testing its parameters. opted to highlight the play’s Stylistic representation was I recommend concern with ideas of female always going to be of particular liberation. Regularly hitching importance, and the cast, under you go to see this up her dress and continuing to the guidance of Castledine and enjoy a lingering frisson with collaborator Clive Mendus, because it gave me Jason, Marta Zlatic’s Medea achieved an impressively bold was a sexual force of nature stylized physicality. The chorus, an erection and a purveyor of a rebellious always exhibiting great physi- sexuality, which the prudish cal poise, moved in a shoal-like ing others. In fact, friends and suffragettes could only mar- group whilst speaking many of dedicated family members simply sit through most plays in order to be able to make disingenuous Alcock Improv and the year’s it might be time to move on to spond to anything the audience remarks afterwards. Trevor Nunn Committee fi rst Smoker stood side by side prevent what was originally might throw at them, their show felt that there was no reason that this week as the latest episode experimental from becoming was reminiscent of a drama Cymbeline shouldn’t be enjoyable Smoker of Cambridge Comedy kicked off stale and over-rehearsed. Yet at lesson. It started off with a to watch. And it was. And students with a bang. Or at least a loud the same time, it was in delivery detective game, working through failed to turn up. ADC whirring sound. Whilst Smok- that many sketches suffered, songs, general improvisation and Kenneth Tynan famously said ers are of course normally an trailing off towards the end, culminating in a surreal scene “the Western critic still fi nds it infamous bastion of democracy undermining material that had whose central humour derived very hard to go into print and say: Comedy in lending any budding come- the potential to be provocative, from the fact one cast member ‘I recommend you to go and see ★★★★★ dian (or at least a select few) a imaginative and very funny but had his or her head in a bucket this because it gave me an erec- forum in which to perform, this which often fell slightly short of of water at all times, from which tion.’” A comparable diffi culty for week’s Committee Smoker was the mark. the others had to fi nd “realistic” the Cambridge reviewer is to go to exceptionally undertaken only When it worked though, it excuses (“I hear drowning”) to print and say “I would not recom- by the Footlights Committee worked well: notably a parody leave the stage and extricate mend you go to see this because it Alcock Improv And Friends. This is a Com- of a Coldplay song, In your face, them. Desperate fl ailing arms was very bad indeed”. One risks mittee bereft of several of by a snubbed musician with as they danced with death and torturous invasions of our personal ADC its previously most acceptance issues; a dry pushed the boundaries of health space the worst of which being, established mem- comment on cham- and safety protocols prompted of course, impromptu Facebook bers, but which pagne socialism; a raucous laughter. pokes by disgruntled actresses. Comedy stepped into the sketch involving Tom Hensby held the show The real reason that plays are ★★★★★ breach with a pair of jeans together with considerable fl air, given one or two or three stars is panache and so skinny one conspicuous for his indefatigable that the potential theatre-goer conviction. wondered if energy, huge range of personas deserves to know if a play is ter- It started their real pur- (crackpot tea lady a highlight), ribly, terribly boring. Regardless off well but pose was to and a quite remarkable ability of whether the play is well acted, the show was act as a mus- to think on his feet to hilarious well directed and with the best ar- something cle support; effect, producing such gems as tistic intentions, theatre is capable of a mixed and a piece sati- rhyming “Paris Hilton” to “stil- of unbelievable tedium. bag: at times rising the stere- ton” (needs to eat some), having In fact, when a reviewer talks of genuinely funny otype of a bookish been prompted with “cheese” “a moving and masterful por- and surprisingly don by suggesting two seconds earlier and whilst trayal”, what she should be saying political, elsewhere the literary worth and playing blues on the guitar. is “I was so bored I ate my ticket the hints of a smug light-reading possibilities Along with Mark Gardinier, then my programme before the complacency detracted from the of a dictionary, that included a these two patently most experi- interval” . It seems ridiculous to edginess that has arguably been humorous, if bizarre, demonstra- enced of the group kept the show take issue with a three-star review a forte of previous Smokers. tion of quite how resistant a on the road when some of the rather than be thankful for the Indeed, one might whisper, at dust jacket can be. Whilst this games dragged slightly or if the fact that reviewers seem to abide the risk of sounding a spoilsport, piece was weakened by being impromptu sketches failed to by the diktat “if you can’t say that the several gags at the distastefully and unnecessarily take off. Generally, though, the something nice, don’t say anything expense of the disabled/stupid/ executed mimicking the voice of performance was always excit- at all”. inferior were cheap shots; and someone suffering from cerebral ing and often hilarious, perhaps It is the duty of actors and surely “Comedy” could be better palsy, it drew much mirth for most appealing for its fresh and directors in Cambridge to start used to defl ate, not swell, the its originality, wit and lack of unpretentious style and the fact to encourage everyone else that Cambridge ego? inhibition. they were all, clearly, loving it. student theatre is not a labour of It did not help, perhaps, that Alcock Improv the next day The Footlights should watch love. It is an art form intended to much of the material had been did not lack in originality. A bold their back. entertain. done before, and done better: group of fi ve actors ready to re- Alexandra Reza Friday October 12 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] REVIEW 29

You may be familiar with the Corbijn takes rock history the ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ Control Curtis story, written into the and turns it into fi lmic poetry, video to the Sex Pistols gig in albums rock history books following interlacing beautifully or- 1976 at the Manchester Free every right-minded person the lead singer’s tragic suicide chestrated shots of the indus- Trade Hall where the band should own in 1980 on the eve of the band’s trial Maccesfi eld skyline with were said to have fi rst met. American tour, at the age of Curtis’ own lyrics and Joy Typically British humor in- only 23. Even if you’re not Division’s music, each intri- tersperses Curtis’ downfall: “I so intimate with the band or cately placed and timed within don’t like the name Buzzcocks,” their music, Control offers not an intense and well-worked refl ects bass player Peter Hook only a magnifi cent insight into screenplay (written by Matt (played ever-so-coolly by Joe this young troubled soul, but a Gereenhalgh, based on the Anderson), “It’s got the word painful portrait of a bleak late book ‘Touching from a Dis- cock in it – I just wouldn’t 1970s Maccesfi eld, and, more tance’, written by Curtis’ wife, stand for it, that’s all.” importantly, an unfolding of Deborah.) Corbijn revives the Control, for both the avid Joy the human condition. British Cinematic style of the Division disciple, Post-Punk Director Anton Corbijn shot period with an air of effortless- newcomer and casual fi lmgoer the fi lm in stunning high con- ness. The feel of Ken Loach’s is simply a visual treat, with trast black and white – perfect early work such as Looks and dark and brooding moments for the harsh, bleak back- Smiles or, going even further to rival Von Trier. The atmos- drop of North England dur- back, Kes is all too familiar. phere of the fi lm fi ts perfectly Time Out ing the dawn of the Thatcher Sam Riley is superb as Curtis, with the roomy and lonely years. Curtis’ descent unfolds pushing forward an innocence sound that Joy Division them- The Dave Brubeck naturally, fi rst with epileptic lost in the depths of despair. selves created. The fi lm re- Quartet Dir: Anton Corbijn attacks, then with the break- Samantha Morton plays a sounds with the emotive agony down of his marriage, Curtis compassionate but inevitably in Curtis’ own menacing lyrics One day, around 1959, jazz became entrapped by his own helpless wife quite convincing- and haunting voice: impend- pianist and arranger Dave Film nihilistic emotions, which ly, but the fi lm is really Cor- ing gloom, innocent love and Brubeck woke up with a ★★★★★ eventually consumed him – to bijn’s triumph. The attention to unavoidable hopelessness all quirky idea. Let’s make a jazz the point where he simply detail really does pay off, from rolled into one. album, he thought, where none could no longer exist. the painstaking re-creation of Ravi Amaratunga of the songs use jazz rhythms. While that might have seemed absolutely senseless to his songs seem like either add-ons band, The Dave Brubeck or cast offs from their last two Stereophonics Quartet, Brubeck himself albums. This is not all as bad was a man of pure vision, and as it seems though, the opening Pull the Pin what he produced is probably The Decemberists number, Soldiers Make Good one of the most ambitious and Targets, is a solid tune full of superbly played examples of grungy distortion and unintel- experimental jazz ever re- The Junction corded. From the 9/8 shuffl es ligible yet wonderfully Kelly of Blue Rondo a la Turk, which Live Review Jones vocals, but it would have takes the hot-headed fever of ★★★★★ been far more at home on their a Turkish zeybek and forces last album among the other, the cool beat of a jazz alto grungy, distorted, wonder- into the midst, to the tense Where were you going? Where fully shouted tracks that gave piano hammering of Every- the Hell were you going? This is Language, Sex Violence, Other? body’s Jumpin’, the album is the question I ask to the hun- its angry sense of scope and awash with a sense that you dreds of middle-aged tossers The title is surely some indi- purpose. The best songs on this are in the hands of genius. It who spent the fi rst half-an-hour cation that a musical grenade album are those that you fail to is from this album that the of The Decemberists’ magnifi - is about to explode, blow us place among their previous rep- famous Take Five, possibly cent show moving, pointlessly, away with harmonic shrapnel, ertoire. Bank Holiday Monday the most well known tune back and forth across the Junc- leave our ears ringing awe (with the best “take me serious” in jazz, originates. Written tion. You weren’t going to the struck at the guitar-shattering lyric ever, when the drink is in, by alto saxophonist extraor- bar (you didn’t buy any drinks). reverb. Now that Kelly Jones the wit is most defi nitely out) dinaire Paul Desmond, this You weren’t going to the toilet has stopped playing at being and the honest, stripped down, seminal track with its cheeky (there are toilets on both sides a noir Frank Sinatra, croon- sweetest-little-ditty-in-toyland piano refrain and a songbird of the venue). You certainly ing (in a socially conscious acoustic number Bright Red saxophone takes a step back weren’t going to the lonely Van way) on his solo project, this Star are tracks that dip their from the slurs and scale slid- ing of Charlie Parker and of Life outpost (because no one is what I hoped for. But the toes in the pool of albums past. Coltrane, and lets you hear ever does). So, I ask you again, Stereophonics have unfortu- These tracks also look maturely just how mischievous, beauti- where the fuck were you going? nately retreated into repeating to the future and keep this lat- Album ful, sonorous and versatile an Once the restless adults had themselves. There is little on est effort fresh - but only just. ★★★★★ instrument the saxophone can fi nally settled down, we were this album that hasn’t been Owain Mckimm be. Formed out of Desmond’s at last able to bask in the glory heard before, and many of the frustration of not being able to of the show. The Junction’s write anything in the stupid weird, wide space perfectly key signature of 5/4, it took an suited the broad, multi-in- The ’70s, showcases his ability arranger with the imagination strumental attack of a band Ed Harcourt to produce feel-good, spirited of Brubeck to force the pieces like Portland’s Decemberists, tracks alongside more sombre, of Desmond’s effort into a song who, in their shirts and braces, Until but no less exquisite master- that I can happily (and often looked like a wittier version of pieces, such as This One’s For do, to the annoyance of many) the Arcade Fire. Their ripping Tomorrow You, the highlight of this album. put on repeat and listen to prog-folk-rock-baroque-pop By the eponymous Until Tomor- all day. Sceptical? So was the yarns of urchins, vagabonds, e n row Then, you’ll have grown to Quartet. Desmond apparently consumptive wretches and the admire this artist’s incredible joked that he would be able to siege of Stalingrad could feel talent, as his voice swoops over buy a new electric shaver from unutterably twee, if it weren’t lyrics such as with the waves ris- the royalties he got from Take Five, and Columbia Records for Colin Meloy’s keen, haunt- ing high/we’d be the fi rst most sure as hell has no clue what ing voice (note perfect, as were likely to die as if on the brink of to do with an album that had the whole band), that somehow breakdown, whilst the backing no famous samples to fall back remained tongue-in-cheek Yes, it’s a best of album, but has a quality to it that makes on. It didn’t even have a sexy as well as perfectly sincere. not necessarily as we know it. you think it could have been lady on the front cover, just an Fifteen-minute epic The Crane Ed Harcourt’s offering isn’t one recorded in a 1940’s jazz studio. abstract art piece by obscure Wife set a panoramic scene for of those hastily compiled jobs And in this jazz vein, Whistle Of American artist Neil Fujita. the whole set, that climaxed which seem to be all too com- A Distant Train has the strain But that’s what Time Out was with theatrical sea-shanty mon in the current atmosphere of a trumpet accompanying its all about - an experimental The Mariner’s Revenge Song of the music mogul. No, this mellifl uous piano part, a simple piece of abandoned bread that (“impressive screaming”, the album comprises the dedicated yet effective arrangement. If resulted in jazz-penicillin (if bespectacled singer commented work of seven years and fi ve this creative genius has eluded you can imagine such a thing). on the audience participation, albums, and so each and every you thus far, now is the time to So even if you hate jazz, even “I see you’ve all been swal- one of its 16 tracks is, quite hear a compilation of some of if you fear jazz and its lack of lowed by whales before”). frankly, phenomenal. For those the most hauntingly exquisite rules, take some time out to Yes, The Decemberists are a of you who haven’t heard of Ed songs possibly ever made. Every embrace the foolhardy, im- special, singular band, taking Harcourt, there’s an element of track on this album could be a plausible, ridiculous effort of us on a very unique journey. Brendan Benson/Neil Finn song favourite, and this is really what four jazz men who laboured Any middle-aged idiots push- Album writing, but better. His melodies a best of should be. You won’t themselves with restrictions ★★★★★ and impossibilities, and still ing past me, however, will get are more beautiful than most, regret owning this collection of came out on top. instantly keel-hauled. his voice more exhilarating. works of art. Owain Mckimm JF The opening number, Born In VS Listings Editors: Josh Farrington, Verity Simpson Friday October 12 2007 30 VIEWListings [email protected] varsity.co.uk/listings

fi l m theatre music other going out L’Amore Molesto The Changeling The Maccabees Talk by Stephen Mystery Jets Thurs 18 Oct, Arts Tues 16 Oct - Sat 20 Oct, Mon 15, The Junction, 19.00 Unwin Sun 14, Fez, 22.00 - 03.00 Picturehouse, 17.00 Cambridge Arts Theatre, Thurs 18, Trinity College, Old Remember the Mystery Jets? Once again, the Arts 19.45 (Thu and Sat 14.30 Combination Room, 22.00, Yeah, well, only just. That’s Picturehouse comes up matinee), £10-£27 Free right. The singer’s Dad played trumps with a foray into Everyone loves a good bit of Stephen Unwin, one of the guitar. It’s always nice to foreign fi lm. This time it’s an Jacobean revenge tragedy, country’s leading theatre have a gimmick isn’t it? That, Italian drama, adapted from especially fi rst year english directors, and founder of the and all their Eel Pie island Elena Ferrante’s novel and students keen to dismiss English Touring Theatre, new-prog schtick. Did anyone directed by Mario Martone, Shakespeare as “over-rated”, comes to Cambridge to speak ever fall for that? Well, their whose fi lm depicts Bologna and fi nd a contemporary to the Trinity College Literary DJ set might be better. illustrator Delia returning rival’s name to chuck around Society about his upcoming pick to her native Naples after (hint: you won’t fi nd one. production of The Changeling. her mother’s death. What Shakespeare is the best, I like the Maccabees. I don’t Prior to his founding of the of she comes home to, however, Marlowe, Webster, Middleton care what that scenester baiting ETT, Stephen worked as a churns up memories of et al are no way near as good, choon LDN is a Victim said. Un- freelance theatre and opera di- her past which have been so just go back to reading like many of the other illustri- rector, with productions at the thus far been dormant in King Lear, alright?). Having ous and sometimes disaterous National Theatre, the Royal the her subconscious. L’Amore said that, the much respected bands named in that dithyramb Court, Garsington Opera, Molesto was the only Italian English Touring Theatre’s to capital trash, the Maccabees English National Opera and fi lm to be entered into the production of Middleton and fi rst album Colour It In was as the Royal Opera House. His week Cannes Film Festival, so it’s Rowley’s The Changeling good a collection of songs as has talk is certain to be enrichened certainly worth going to see should be very good indeed. appeared in several years. Let’s by his lively dramatic career. why. hope that they channel this tal- ent equally well live. friday The Heartbreak Kid The Lion, the Witch and the Ed Harcourt/The Veils Friday Lunchtime Concert The Get Down Vue, 14.50, 17.40, 20.30, 23.10 Wardrobe The Graduate, 19.30, £12.50 Kettle’s Yard, 13.10 - 13.50 The Soul Tree £4 before 11 Stop Making Sense ADC Theatre, 19.45 Chris Laurence Quartet The university’s best musical Generator Arts Picturehouse, 23.10 Alcock Improv Kettle’s Yard, 19.00, £12-15 talent shows of its stuff. Kambar, 22.00-03.30, £3 The Counterfeiters ADC Theatre, 23.00 Not such a good name for a Friday Fez Arts Picturehouse, 12.00, band. Fez, 22.00-03.30, £5 before 11 14.10, 19.00, 21.10 saturday My Life as a Dog (Mitt Liv The Lion, the Witch and the Jeffrey Lewis Antarctic Volcanoes Instinct 12 Som Hund) Wardrobe Portland Arms, 20.00 Scott Polar Research Centre, The Soul Tree, £6 before11 Newnham, Old Labs, 20.00, ADC Theatre, 14.30, 19.45 Because anti-folk is the best 22.00 The Indie Thing free. Alcock Improv thing ever invented ever. Lecture by Dr John Smellie. Kambar, 20.00 - 03.30 £3 This Filthy World ADC Theatre, 23.00 Also a potentially brilliant student/£5 Arts Picturehouse, 23.20 name for a band.

sunday Zodiac Why don’t you just read a play Songs In The Dark, Cambridge Philharmonic Mystery Jets DJ Set 13 St. John’s, 19.00, 22.00, £2.50 instead? Apparently Shake- Clown’s Cafe, 20.00, Free Society Fez, 22.00 - 03.00 The Edukators speare is very good. Acoustic open-mic night, and West Road Concert Hall, 19.30 Arts Picturehouse, 12.00 Cambridge institution. Lovely. Shostakovich, Zimmerman, Vaughan Williams, Mika. One of them is not true.

monday And When Did You Last Other people have recom- The Maccabees Carol Bernstein Renacimiento 14 See Your Father? mended Beckett. I shall leave The Junction, 19.00 Paintings and Prints, 09.00 - The Soul Tree, 22.00 - 03.00 £4 Arts Picturehouse, 12.45, this one up to you. Genuinely quite good. 17.00, Clare Hall International student night. 15.00, 19.00 Oceansize Does anyone go? Control The Graduate, 19.30, £8.50 Fat Poppadaddy’s Vue, 15.20 Fez, 22.00 - 03.30, £4 Same old, same old. tuesday The Heartbreak Kid Motortown Soho Dolls Art Speak, Drop-in Session Ebonics 15 Vue, 14.50, 17.40 ADC Theatre, 19.45 The Graduate, 19.30, £5 Fitzwilliam Museum, 13.15 - Fez, 22.00 - 03.00, £4 Control The Tale of Lancelot Good name. Very good name. 13.45 Wake Up Screaming Arts Picturehouse, 18.30, Sebastian von Ludendorff Turn up, tune in, look at art, Kambar, 21.00 - 02.00, £3.50 21.00 ADC Theatre, 23.00 talk about art, leave again. Why not fall asleep screaming The Changeling It’ll be good for you. too? Just visit the toilets to Cambridge Arts Theatre 19.45 work out why. wednesday Invasion Motortown Jose Gonzalez The Gentle Art: Friends and Melamondo 16 Vue, 15.00, 17.50, 20.15 ADC Theatre, 19.45 The Junction, 19.30 Strangers in Whistler’s Prints Fez, 22.00 - 03.00, Students The Singer The Memory of Water Drawmaster! Release the balls! Fitzwilliam Museum, 10.00 - free before 11 Arts Picturehouse, 17.00 ADC Theatre, 23.00 Gravenhurst 17.00 The Changeling The Graduate, 19.30, £7 More than just the crux of a Cambridge Arts Theatre 19.45 Mr Bean fi lm.

thursday Black Book Motortown The Groanbox Boys/Josh Talk by Stephen Unwin Secret Discotheque 17 St. John’s, 21.00, £2.50 ADC Theatre, 19.45 Weller/Eddie’s Brother Trinity College, Old Combina- The Soul Tree L’Amore Molesto The Memory of Water CB2, 20.30, £4 tion Room, 22.00 Arts Picturehouse, 17.00 ADC Theatre, 23.00 Give it a shot. The Changeling Cambridge Arts Theatre, 18 14.30, 19.45 More Film... for bloody weeks at those rather More Music... Something a little bit dinosaur?) and arrive early, as terrifying cineplexes. This week’s different this one sells out pretty sharpish. My Life as a Dog best offereing is My Life as a Dog, Gravenhurst Sat Oct 13th Expect absolute carnage. Saturday 13th October, Newnham, based on Reidar Jonsson’s novel. It Wed 17 Oct, Queens’ College Fitzpatrick Hall Old Labs, 20.00, free. tells the story of 12-year-old Swed- The Graduate, 19.30. £7 21:00 - 00:45 ish Ingemar, whose terminally ill £5 on the door It’s that time of year again; a week mother is unable to cope with him. New album The Western Lands or so into term, the college fi lm He is sent to live with relatives, has already been hailed as a classic Fed up of the standard tripe? societies actually stop putting up where he fi nds an array of weird in some quarters, so get yourself Head down to Queens’ for a last year’s fi lms on their websites and wonderful characters. This down to the Graduate to claim slice of variety this weekend. and get down to deciding their isn’t exactly a feel-good fi lm (after all the “Yeah, I was there in the Cheap drinks and smashing picks for the new term. And thank all, it has it’s fair share of death), beginning” kudos all for yourself. mash-ups from highly acclaimed god. If you’ve never been to a but it is worth seeing, mainly for It’s an atmospheric mix of noisy DJ Pojmasta, described by the college fi lm night, now is the time its eccentricity. It was nominated shoe-gaze and spooky folk stylings, Observer as “complete cool” and to go. Not only is it ridiculously for two Academy Awards and but don’t let this put you off. It’s by XFM as “the next Aphex cheap (Or free, as in this case), but won a Golden Globe, so if it’s good got “timeless” printed all over it, Twin”. Dress as randomly as the fi lms are far superior to most enough for them, it’s certainly good like low-quality ink on a second- possible (prostitute, astronaut, of those blockbusters which play enough for us. rate student newspaper. Friday October 12 2007 Send in your problems varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWLifestyle 31

Aunty Amy Alex Englander talks to Solves your problems Madame le Claire

Dear Aunty Amy, wretched head Dear Madame Le Claire, hour in the morning. Worse, when I at the sight I recently found myself at the ADC do see him he expects me to discuss HELP ME!!! I really fancy my of him in sat behind an enormous gentlemen the damn sport with him. What can neighbour’s boyfriend. He’s his tiny with a fat, balding head and an I do to win him back? everything a guy should be, as little towel incessant raucous laugh. What NM, Newnham well as slightly more. Tall, dark, (or worse), should I do if I fi nd myself thus and fine-looking: he’s so special, and then the whole plan inconvenienced in future or, indeed, Dump him. Why have you not plus he looks really cool when he would go to pot! Also, placed behind any such disruptive already? Rowing is not a sport; it’s smokes (rollies). My friend says these desires of yours aren’t quite individual? a detour for the microbes that won’t they’re completely in love. But I’m the grotesque social taboos that HG, St John’s go on the fi rst fl ush; it’s a day out in love with him too! Whenever I Nicko’s were, so I’m not sure how for the creatures that the Head see them together or hear them far the cases can be compared. A foolproof solution is to lean and Shoulders doesn’t quite reach. have sex through the walls my Distraction Techniques may help. forwards and lick them behind It’s a cancer, and the boaty chat to heart aches and I want to die a bit. Get yourself a day planner and a the ear. Not with little jabs of the which your ex-boyfriend subjected Please help and don’t judge. box, or, alternatively, a mental day tongue but, as I have privately you was simply it metastasising into planner and an imaginary box. taught Monsieur Le Claire, with the your brain. Would you stick with I really trust you Amy, Next fill the planner with as many remorseless slurping motions of one someone suddenly diagnosed with From activities as you can think of and who fi nds himself alone and spoon- a slow-moving but terminal illness Laura the box (tins also work) with all less with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. (well you sound like a sweet thing your romantic thoughts about this This always worked for me at the darling, and so probably would, but chap. Include in your new plans Opéra National de Paris, until one Madame Le Claire has less time on no more than a couple of minutes night I found between my teeth her hands...) or move on and have a each day when you allow yourself the greasy tufts of one Monsieur real life? Again: change your mobile Oh Laura, to open the box and think about Chirac. This explains Madame Le number, your college room, and him. Then close it and get on with Claire’s current residency in South never see him again. Please write I think I see your problem: you everything else. Kensington. back if you require any clarifi cation. fancy your neighbour’s boyfriend. I find this works best when used Now, you must know that this is in conjunction with a really lovely Dear Madame Le Claire, Dear Madame Le Claire, totally morally wrong. Luckily (for exercise that comes recommended I am a red meat-loving lad from The walls in my college are woefully me) I’ve never experienced this called ‘CHARACTER ASSAS- Yorkshire, but my new Southern thin, and each night I am forced to myself (not a reflection on your SINATION’. Think of everything girlfriend is a bit Notting Hill set, witness the boisterous lovemaking fellas, all those in V staircase) but you don’t like about your friend’s and disapproving of my brutish of my next-door neighbour and her I can imagine it would be ghastly boyfriend and dwell on them for a. insensibility. She’s a vegetarian, boyfriend. Not only does this keep and I did once write a song about The wonderful thing about Assas- and now forcing me not only to eat me awake, but it unfortunately something similar. sination is that once you’ve got the yogurt and all things soya-based, resembles the sound of a cat being People less sensitive than me hang of it, you can practise it on but even to care for the expanding repeatedly run over by my dying would probably say something like: anyone. progeny of her pet rabbits in my Ford Fiesta during its last desperate “Grow up Laura you selfish mon- Soon enough you’ll be feeling far room. This can’t go on. days of active service. Have you any ster and stop perving because your less fond of him and stronger and CL, Corpus Christi advice about how I might delicately thoughts are frightening”. more confident in yourself. If your broach the subject? But they’re not who you’ve writ- thoughts wonder back to his lovely As one who’s always believed that RS, Girton ten to, are they? eyes, playful hands and soft, shiny vegetarians should be fl ame-grilled The heart is not so rational as hair (or his legs), I’d recommend so that they know what they’re Blasting out Bach’s Toccata and we would like and your feelings trying Grounding Techniques. Pick missing, I would take a creative Fugue in D minor (the Richter are normal. Unfortunately they up a cross-word or mindless card approach. So remember that 1) recording is superb) should stifl e must be completely obliterated game and completely immerse taxidermy can be your friend and 2) any libido that’s left pumping ASAP. You remind me of a school yourself, bringing your thoughts that a splash of Chablis and some through their systems. As will friend I used to have called Nicky back down to the immediate here fresh thyme can really lift a humble Phil Collins. Though you ought “Nick” Squeezeford (not his real and now. rabbit terrine. For her birthday, to address the obvious problem name) whose “rude feelings” were And lastly my love, don’t forget impress her with your new culinary in your own life before you worry also a bit of a nuisance. All I had to include indulgent treats in your savoir faire, before presenting her about those of others. You’re clearly to tell him was to enjoy a long cold new schedule as you musn’t forget with her rabbits which are now as not getting about much at the shower and think more sensible how much you deserve them. I like fl uffy as ever, though just a little moment. There must be some handy thoughts and the case was closed. tea and baths and anything cin- less animate. If she reacts badly, I’m men around who can give you a However, I’m hesitating about namonny, but choose whatever you afraid that it’s time to move on. jump start and get you on your recommending you the same treat- want: if it makes you feel good, it way. Monsieur Le Claire is terribly ment as I know what these student can’t be that wrong can it? Dear Madame Le Claire, good with his fi ngers; on our recent halls are like and I don’t want you My boyfriend has recently taken up holiday in Normandy he had a bumping into him in those grubby On that note, rowing. I barely see him because he thorough poke about on a country shared bathrooms. Your poor eyes Much love from, now goes to sleep at about 8pm so lane and we were breaking the would most likely bulge out of your Your Aunty Amy as to get up at whatever ungodly speed limit in no time.

But jen has other What’s Going things on her say on in here? mind... CAM Episode 2

StreetShould I tell him how i feel? I can’t get him out of my head.

I feel something special for you and i think you Lee & cal Have been feel it too. spending a lot more time together... Strategic Advisors, Boutique Philosophy.

Cambridge Recruitment Events Applications

Presentation: Friday 12th October 2007, 7pm CV and Cover Letter to: Saltmarsh room, Kings College, Cambridge [email protected] Workshop: Friday 19th October 2007, 7pm Ramsden Room, St Catherine’s College, Cambridge Rena Panayiotou The Parthenon Group (Spaces limited for workshop, please send short CV to 39 Sloane Street [email protected]) London SW1X 9LP 020 7201 0460

Oxford Recruitment Events Closing date for applications: Presentation: Friday 2nd November 2007, 7pm 9th November 2007 Headley Lecture Theatre, Ashmolean museum, Oxford

Workshop: October 26th, Friday 19:00 Oakshott room, Lincoln College, Oxford

(Spaces limited for workshop, please send short CV to www.parthenon.com [email protected]) 1200 Varsity 12-10-07.qxd 5/9/07 11:42 Page 1 See it How far a career with Shell could take you

Come and take a closer look at Shell. You’ll find out what a global energy and petrochemical company can do for you. Shell has a wide range of both technical and commercial roles around the world. And by working together, we can help you achieve your career aspirations. www.shell.com/careers Shell is an Equal Opportunity Employer

Event: Shell Careers Presentation Venue: University Arms, Regent Street, CB2 1AD Date: 17th October 2007 Time: 18:30. To register for this event please log onto http://www.shell.co.uk/careers/presentations 00346.AD_Uni Newspaper2 5/10/07 Page 1

THINKING TIME…

…IN THE BATH?

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Results Upcoming Fixtures Town Sunday 14th, Womens Blues v Homerton II v Newnham 13/10, Vauxhall v Wanderers Hethersett Athletic (A) Rugby. Rugby. 13/10, Yarmouth v Nomads 13/10, Squanderers v Cambridge College First League: Women’s College Third league, U21s v Birmingham, won 15-6 13/10, U21s v University of East Nomads III week 2: U21As v Norfolk, won 10-5 Anglia, Grange Road, Cam- 13/10, Bedounins v March II 17/10, APU v Caius (A) bridge. 14/10, Mens Blues v Whitchurch 17/10, Darwin v Jesus (H) Fitzwilliam v St Catarines II College First League: 15/10, Blues Rugby Union v 17/10, Catz v Churchill (A) ARU v Magdalene Saracens, 7.15, University Women’s College division 1, 17/10, Johns v Christs (A) Johns II v Medics St. John’s 6-0 Jesus Football Ground, Grange Road, week 2: 17/10, Trinty v Fitzwilliam (A) Christs v Selwyn Downing 6-6 Magdalene Cambridge. Catz v Caius (A) 17/10, Blues v Loughborough Girton 73-5 Homerton St Johns v Churchill (A) III, Home. Mixed Netball College league P W D L F A Pts Tues 16 Division 1: Jesus v Downing (A) 1, week 2: GIRTON 1 1 0 0 73 5 3 New Hall v Magdalene (H) Lacrosse. ST JOHN’S 1 1 0 0 6 0 3 Magdalene v Homerton 13/10, Men’s Blues v University Downing v Churchill DOWNING 1 0 1 0 6 6 2 Girton v St John’s Women’s College division 2, of Hertofrdshire, Home Emma v jesus MAGDALENE 1 0 1 0 6 6 2 Jesus v Downing week2: 17/10, Women’s Blues v Bristol, Magdalene v Downing II JESUS 1 0 0 1 0 6 1 Home, 1:00, Queens College Trinty v St Johns HOMERTON 1 0 0 1 5 73 1 Tues 16 Division 3 Pool A: Emma v Cauis (H) Sports Ground Corpus v Selwyn (H) 17/10, Women’s II v Nottingham Mixed netball College league 2: Emmanuel v Queens’ Sidney v Robinson (H) II, 2:30, Queens College Sports Golf. Churchill v Christ’s Pembroke v Trinty Hall (H) Ground. Homerton v Caius Robinson v Medics Men’s Blues 4-11 Little Aston Thurs 18 Division 2: Women’s College division 3, Netball. Pembroke v St Catharine’s Men’s Blues 1.5-8.5 The Wigorns week 2: GS, Trinity Hall v Trinity 17/10, Blues v Birmingham III, Swimming. Caius v St Catharine’s Homerton v Queens (H) Home, 4:00, Bordesley Girls Hockey. Pembroke v Peterhouse/Selwyn Fitzwilliam v Catz II (H) School. 18/10, Men’s Water Polo v City of Christs v Jesus II (H) Women’s College First league, Cambridge, Away Men’s Blues 0-7 Exeter Univer- Thurs 18 Division 3 Pool B: Newnham v Claire (H) week 2: sity Mens College Hockey, league 4: St Catharine’s v Trinty Real Tennis. Men’s Blues 0-1 Robinsons Fitzwilliam v Robinson Downing v Jesus Women’s Blues 0-2 Canterbury Clare/King’s v Sidney Sussex 14/10, Magdalene v Catz II, 4pm Trnity Hall v Churchill 13/10, Seniors v Jesters (H) II at Catz pitches Emmanuel v St Johns Wanderers 2-2 Saffron Waldron, Golf. 15/10, Johns II v Homerton, 1pm Homerton v Girton Orienteering. Nomads 2-3 Stevenage at Catz pitches. Squanderers 5-3 Rutland 14/10, Blues v Huntercombe 15/10, Peterhouse v Pembroke, Women’s College Second 14/10, HAVOC District Event, Bedouins 4-1 Wisbech II Thursday 18, Blues v Academi- 2.30pm at Catz League, week 2: Epping cals GS (Worlington) Queens v Peterhouse Volleyball. Hockey. Football. Caius v Emma II 17/10, Mens Blues v Loughbor- New Hall v Downing II 14/10, Women’s Blues v ARU and 13/10, Womens Blues v Wisbech ough University III (H) Pembroke v Sidney Sussex Peterborough, Leys School Games & puzzles Varsity crossword no. 471 Kakuro Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never 24 Limited infant, as is the use a number more than once per run (a number may reoccur dreamer (9) in the same row in a separate run). 8 25 Take out guns, leaving initial © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore talk (5) COMPETITION 9 10 11 26 Look askance back at dance (4) Win a pair of tickets to the Arts Picturehouse 26 17 17 22 27 Important parts: the switched Re-arrange the letters by rotating the discs to create six 24 separate six-letter words leading in to the centre. Email your around unfi nished art 50 ++ (10) answer to [email protected] 30 Down 12 FISH 29 15 1 Indicative, audibly of course! (10) 17 19 13 19 2 Reportedly remained dull (5) A GARETH MOORE 3 Bad tempered, ill-mannered S 9 17 U 14 15 16 17 Celt pines (9) A 11 4 Should be hard, leaving the fi rst L G 27 part until last (5) L L 6 Following will, debtor is less O E 13

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per row or column. Shaded squares may not be horizontally or M 10 Curs! Claire, I’m about half- M 23 vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares must form a single area. way round (12) © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore 13 Stated star’s morals (10) 24 25 15 Statement is absolute article EDELSHAIN MADE BY ADAM 3 7 3 6 5 7 1 of church (9) 16 One who criticises sound of 4 2 4 3 6 5 6 farm machinery (9) Sudoku 36 27 21 Group of cats preceding an The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the 3 6 5 1 3 1 7 American autumn (5) digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 22 Long amount of time heading © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore North (5) 1 3 4 2 4 7 4 Across 14 Lik a elephan, perhap? (9) 23 A note: Queen at a distance (4) 1 2 3 4 8 GARETH MOORE 1 Class on board; allowance for 17 Seamstress carries unpleasant 2 5 7 5 6 7 3 part of automobile (10) material (5) 4 6 5 Goddess is repeated (4) 18 Constituent part of pivot er- 3 9 9 Plant informant (5) rant (5) 5 4 2 7 1 6 2 11 Lay down the law: section is 19 Escape hurriedly after a trip 7 5 4 9 overdue (9) to the barber’s? (3,3,3) 2 1 2 1 7 1 5 / MADE BY www.puzzlemix.com 12 Thither heartless adept after 20 Winningly in hat: try plum 1 5 7 9 3 8 devils manifest (12) duff! (12) Set by Fafnir 6 3 8 7 GARETH MOORE Last week’s solutions © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore 4 1 3 9 8 6 5 7 2 5 9 10 4 1 6 7 2 3 6 5 8 4 2 8 9 1 7 5 6 3 4 14 6 2 6 3 6 7 6 6 2 3 5 1 3 7 6 5 2 4 3 8 1 9 ACROSS 1. PHILANDER, 5. LAP UP, 8. ANGELICALLY, 9. ENRAGED, 11. GURNING, 12. PLUTOCRAT, 14. DETER, 15. LIONS, 17. MESSIANIC, 19. INSULIN, 20. IMPRESS, 3 13 2 1 10 3 9 1 2 4 3 1 4 5 7 8 4 1 3 9 7 2 5 6 14 22. DISPARAGING, 23. ESSAY, 24. ELEPHANTS 3 2 9 18 4 1 5 1 7 7 2 3 2 6 4 5 8 7 9 1 5 7 11 5 9 7 6 2 1 4 8 3 DOWN 1 PLANE, 2. ALLEGRO, 3. DICED, 4. RELEGATES, 5. LAYERED, 6. PERSISTENCE, 7. PANEGYRIC, 10. RAUCOUSNESS, 12. POLLINATE, 13. REMINISCE, 16. SOL- 4 12 1 2 8 11 4 3 6 5 6 1 7 16 4 9 3 8 7 6 4 1 2 5 IDLY, 18. IMPEACH, 20. IRATE, 21. SAGES 1 8 7 1 3 7 5 1 5 2 5 3 1 5 4 8 3 2 9 6 7 7 17

4 8 5 1 9 / MADE BY www.puzzlemix.com 3 4 9 8 4 4 6 7 6 3 1 6 7 2 5 1 9 3 4 8 Sport editor: Simon Allen & George Towers Friday October 12 2007 38 SPORT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/sport

Gamblers The classic all rounder Unanimous » Varsity Sport chats to the former England international

Ed Peace & of their captain, a certain David Niall Rafferty ‘Bumble’ Lloyd. Pringle was still an undergraduate when he got his international call up, Another week, another glorious which meant that he didn’t actually performance from the long shot. get to play in his last Varsity match, Pipedreamer stormed up the New- although I don’t think he was that market hill in impressive style to bothered about it: “I’d literally just win the Cambridgeshire at 5-1, fi nished my fi nals that same day, when and despite disappointing perform- the Chairman of Selectors rang me ances from Fulham and Authorized up. I thought it was my mate prank on Sunday, the term’s profi ts are calling me so I told him to piss off!” already closing in on the £30 mark. Luckily for Pringle, the Chairman This week we’ll be looking to the rang back and his England career latest round of football internation- reached great heights over the next als to keep the momentum going decade until he retired completely Keep focused. Clean Sheet. in 1993. In his time, Derek Pringle Three points. No excuses. That’s been England Head Coach Steve McLaren’s message all this week, “The chairman of in the hope that his players can pro- vide similar performances to those selectors rang me that saw England comfortably beat Israel and Russia last month. One up... I told him to of McLaren’s toughest selection de- piss off!” cisions is whether to play the out- of-sorts goalkeeper Paul Robinson. His recent displays will have left many readers wondering whether mixed with some of the greats of he could even catch the most re- the game, not least Graham Gooch, cent bout of fresher’s fl u. However, with whom he played for Essex and even with ‘butter-fi ngers’ in goal, his country. Pringle also took part in England have managed ten clean some epic encounters. The English MICHAEL DERRINGER sheets in their last 11 competitive When not following the England cricket team abroad on tour, Pringle lives in Cambridge win over the West Indies in 1991 at games, and it is hard to see an Es- Headingly marked the highlight of tonian team, who have only beaten Simon Allen drinking. By the time he left school Derek’s career. Andorra and Luxembourg in their Chief Sports Editor Career he was already under contract for Pringle managed an almost fl uid last matches, from getting on the Essex and played for them every transition into sports journalism. score-sheet. A few quid on an Eng- Derek Pringle is a large man in »Derek Pringle university vacation; in his words “it Having already started writing while land clean sheet should guarantee stature and in achievement. By was a nice little extra pocket money still a player he moved quickly on the a small profi t. far the most talented university 1st Class Cricket: during term time.” Independent on Sunday full time. We’ll be hoping England are more cricketer of his generation, Derek Played for Essex 1978-1993 Cricket was, quite understand- When asked whether he found the successful at the other end for this went on to play fi rst class cricket 5 Championship Trophies ably, Derek’s priority during his transition from playing to comment- 3 Sunday League Titles week’s long shot. While England for Essex for over 15 years, and 1 Natwest Trophy Cambridge career: he changed from ing on others diffi cult, Derek shrugs, have players returning, Estonia for England for over a decade. In International Cricket: Geography to Land Economy for “It’s quite similar really, going out to have problems. Their ‘star’ striker the course of his playing career Played for England 1982-1993 in his part II Tripos solely to avoid a cover a tour is just like playing but Andres Oper is injured and Indrek he notched up countless domestic 30 Tests and 44 ODIs vacation dissertation. He admitted without the exercise: the same old Zelinski has recently retired. Al- titles for Essex, not to mention England best: to me that his cricketing commit- crowd to hang out with, but in the though England relied on Beckham competing in the international side Batting 63, Bowling 7/120 ments were something of a relief box not on the pitch.” last-time out, Owen is on fi re now, that went all the way to the Crick- as he had an excuse to never spend Commenting on cricket means so the Three Lions should have no et World Cup Final in 1992. He has week, it was hard not to be a little any time in the library. Perhaps not lots of travel for Pringle, something problem banging them home on Sat- subsequently hung up his spikes overwhelmed by him: he is, after his DoS’s favourite student, Pringle which he says he’s beginning to enjoy urday and they look good to equal and instead comments on the game all, 6’5’’ tall, and not a slight fi gure was certainly a shining star in Cam- less: “Queues and security are taking the 3-0 they managed in Tallinn. from the boundaries: fi rst for the by any stretch of the imagination. bridge sport: a century in his debut some of the fun out of it.” Though it Even the most hardened football Independent on Sunday and more Derek seemed absurdly cramped, Varsity match at Lords showed his doesn’t look as though he’ll be stop- fan will have noticed the dramatic recently for the Daily Telegraph. hunched over a small table in Fitz- talent, and later, under his 4th year ping any time soon, after all, he’s goings on at the Rugby World Cup. Quite the cricketing credentials. billies, his frame far better designed captaincy, the Blues beat Lanca- good at what he does and obviously England’s victory against Australia When I met up with him this for wide open spaces than for tea shire’s 1st XI, much to the dismay still loves it. was probably as much of a shock to the Red Rose as it was to their opponents. But if there is one thing we can take from England’s per- Rugby Blues formances at this world cup, it is to expect the unexpected. With that On Monday October 8, the Rugby in mind, we’ll be turning our atten- Blues travelled to Loughborough in tion to South Africa Vs Argentina, a bid to improve their domestic sea- which should prove a far more reli- son. Defeats over the summer against able contest for anyone wanting a Japanese sides and a fairly disap- fl utter. South Africa were far from pointing loss against a strong Trinity convincing against Fiji in the quar- College Dublin team last week meant ter fi nals, and the Pumas’ power- that the Blues were looking to raise ful forwards will be relishing the their game. prospect of tearing into the Spring- The team certainly didn’t disappoint, boks. South Africa’s class should be an impressive display of rugby from enough to see them through to the all positions on the pitch meant that fi nal, but it’s hard to see it being by the team went home victorious with more than a 10 point margin. a score of 27-20. Such a win was particularly impres- THE BANKER 1/2 sive given that the team was miss- ENGLAND TO KEEP A ing some of their more experienced CLEAN SHEET £4 players such as Dawson and last year’s captain Blaikey. As a result a Evens relatively young side was fi elded and PREDICTION they more than stood up to the task. S. AFRICA TO BEAT £3 Hamish Murray performed par- ARGENTINA BY <10 PTS ticularly well as replacement kicker, converting all 5 of his attempts and 5/1 THE LONG SHOT Greenwood scored 2 tries. With SOPHIE PICKFORD ENGLAND TO WIN 3-0 such obvious depth and talent in the The resurgence of Cambridge Rugby £3 squad, the prospects look good for The Blues team showed a signifi cant improvement in their victory against a very capable Loughborough Cambridge Rugby. Friday October 12 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/sport [email protected] SPORT 39

A champion wobble News from the River »Jesus show that John’s are vulnerable

This past week provided the new as mandatory matriculation events, members of the squad with their DOS meetings, and the typical myr- fi rst insight to how busy the rest of iad Cambridge obligations wreaked their year will be. Despite any pre- havoc on our squad. vailing misconceptions, academia Yet some solid work was done, and comes before practice, and manag- steps made towards getting a group ing the independent timetables of of rowers from all over the world twenty-plus athletes is no easy task. to row in the classic Cambridge Training is usually squeezed into the style. We were joined Wednesday darker corners of the day to accom- afternoon by a representative from modate lectures and supervisions; Precision Sport, a company that fi ts thus, in the midst of winter, the sun our boat with a complex telemetry is still a long way from rising when system. The system – consisting of we wake up at quarter to six to head a series of accelerometers and sen- to Goldie, and has long since set sors on each oar – reconstructs the when we return to Cambridge from boat virtually on a computer, ena- an afternoon row in Ely. bling the coach to watch an entire Now the preceding sentence practice over again, from any angle might cause some confusion to any- he chooses, with pause and search- one at this University who has no ing features similar to a video. idea what or who Goldie is. Goldie And yes, I suppose our routineis is our boathouse in Cambridge. It that boring, when I fi nd myself en- is the heart of the club, in both the thusiastically reporting on some physical and historical sense. We sensors as the highlight of my week. conduct all our land training ses- On Sunday we fi nished our train- sions here, whether it is private ing cycle with the weekly pairs tutorials with a coach in the indoor racing for which our schedule is no- John’s completed a ‘triple double’ against Trinity but Jesus are expected to run them close this year RICHARD WEST rowing tanks, or early morning torious. The squad is split up into weights sessions as a team. Any- two-man boats – “pairs” – which Henry Stannard Indeed, it says something about the served by an experienced, quick one who has rowed for his or her are far different in size and feel Sports Editor overall quality of the league when and imaginative back line. Whilst college, however, is all too familiar from the eight man boats in which every single captain interviewed Jesus may dream of establishing with how crowded the river Cam we will race against Oxford. It In any other competition, in any point-blank refused, or was very a “big two”, after last year’s bun- can become. As home to just un- provides for fun inter-squad com- other year, this preview would write reluctant, to pick out any star play- fest behind John’s meant that only der forty unique boat clubs, the last petition though, not to mention the itself. St. John’s, undefeated since ers in their squads. It says even two points separated them from thing Cambridge needs is two more obvious physical benefi t of two full Michaelmas 2005, and having swept more about the value of team-spirit the relegated St. Catherine’s side, boats training on its river every pressure pieces over a 5 km course. to three successive league and cup- to college rugby that the Hughes they will have to watch over their day. We do our part to alleviate And the only thing better than pers doubles, must surely be favour- Hall cuppers side, supercharged shoulders as this season is ex- the congestion by conducting all of getting all sweaty during practice ites for this year’s title. The other with Blues, is regularly vanquished pected by all the captains to be the our actual on-water training in Ely, is getting all sweaty at Life (Twen- teams in the fi rst division seem to by a more settled college side. most competitive in undergradu- where we keep a second boathouse tyTwo for those new to Cambridge), think so – with several captains stat- John’s certainly are vulnerable ate memory. and all our boats. a Sunday night institution that fi ts ing that second place behind John’s in this year. Traditionally a pack- Downing, league stalwarts for Long story short, it was a busy perfectly into a Monday morning the fi nal standings was realistically based team, the Red Boys will the past 20 years, ended last season week. Lineups had to be reworked off from training. the highest position they could hope not benefi t from rules intended to strongly, despite having lost 5 of to account for decreased numbers, Spencer Grifi fn-Hunsberger for. But Will Mayne, the surprising- speed up the game and take some of their fi rst 6 matches. They have, ac- ly self-effacing captain of St John’s the importance away from the set cording to captain Jamie Saunders, is more cautious in his predictions piece, although Mayne recognises been training daily in order to give for the upcoming season. They have that the professionalism of college themselves more continuity between training sessions a week and one the backs and forwards. Compare Captain’s group fi tness session. It’s pretty Varsity tough what with there not being a Team Colours Captain Last Season Key Match Most like this to John’s jaw-dropping once-a- Prediction week non-contact regime and their university sports centre; it’s diffi cult Jamie Corner fi nding places to train so we’ve had DOWNING Black/White 3rd Girton France 3rd target of at least 7 wins this season Saunders does not seem too unrealistic. to resort to practicing on Jesus »Alex Carnegie-Brown Green and playing our matches Yesterday’s 6-6 draw against GIRTON Green/White Andy Russell 4th Downing England 5th at Queen’s pitches. There’s little newly promoted Magdalene, how- support for sports such as ours and ever, would not have gone to plan. we suffer as a consequence. HOMERTON Black/White Jon Cripps 1st (div 2) Magdalene Argentina 6th Having besieged their opponents in the fi rst half, they were unable to Inside track on Oxford take their chances in a scrappy en- We lost the Varsity Match last year JESUS Black/Red Ed Wright 2nd St. John’s Australia 1st counter and could well have lost at by only 10-9. We know that Oxford the end. Magdalene, on the other have lost a lot of their good players ST. JOHN’S Red/White Andy Mayne 1st Jesus South Africa 2nd hand, will have been proud to have and this year will be a fresh side. shown themselves as being worthy We’re in a similar situation, but MAGDALENE Navy/Purple Matt Tighe 2nd (div 2) St. John’s Wales 4th of a place in the top fl ight, having the new people coming through had a reputation for being a yo-yo Alex is a 2nd year economist at are looking really strong; they lack team in recent years. Captain and Jesus Varsity experience, but as two of lost eight of last year’s fi rst-choice rugby means that “the days of the fl y-half Matt Tighe, speaking before them played in the world-cup over XV, alongside totemic centre Scott rumbling John’s pack of old are the game, said, ominously, that the Experience the summer, they defi nitely know McLennan to the Blues, which, com- over anyway.” Indeed, he is keen to team “enjoy beating anyone who I started playing lacrosse eight years what they’re doing and we should bined with two injuries in the pack, dispel the traditional image of the thinks they are bigger than us”. ago when I was at school, but the destroy Oxford this year. means that they begin this season John’s team full of professionally Conversely Homerton, the other highlight of my career was playing Problems almost with a new team. coached supermen – “we train once promoted side, are set for a tricky over the summer in the U19 world Along with the lack of training “That said, we get good players,” a week, non-contact” – and prefers season. A club that is only six years championship over in Canada. We facilities the team is also lacking Mayne said, and there can certainly to pin the team’s success on the old enjoying rapid promotion to the eventually came third, having gone funding. So far this year we haven’t be a case made for success simply “strong club ethos” where “hatred upper environs of college rugby is in ranked fourth, beating the host secured any sponsorship and are breeding success, with keen rugby moulds you together”. certainly a laudable achievement, nation in the third-fourth play- currently relying on parental dona- off match. The US went on to win players looking to study some- Johns’ loss could be Jesus’ gain, but they have lost several key play- tions to keep us going. It seems a the tournament, which wasn’t a where they can play regularly at a however. The back-heavy team, ers. If yesterday’s 73-6 mauling at surprise as they’re by far the best shame that there isn’t a universal high level, the beauty of the college reduced to playing non-contested the hands of a rampant Girton pack worldwide. sponsorship of all University sport, league is that success can only ever scrums last season, still have prob- is anything to go by, they’re in for Training as surely that would be an attrac- be transient, as the very top players lems fi lling out an admittedly bet- trouble. Girton will only take heart We have two two-hour game-based tive proposition for big companies. are siphoned off by the university. ter front fi ve. Yet they are still well from such a crushing victory. Friday October 12 2007 varsity.co.uk/sport

Interview Derek Pringle, former Blue and England international SPORT Page 39 Lax Blues lack lustre »Dominant Loughborough side overwhelm the Blues’ best efforts

CAMBRIDGE the match and fi nish by conceding a 12-4 defeat. In a promising start, 4 the side went 3-1 up by the end of LOUGHBOROUGH the fi rst quarter but substitutions, according to captain Alex Carne- 12 gie-Brown designed to enable some of the substantial fresher intake a Varsity Sports Reporter chance to show their prowess, saw Loughborough creep ahead and According to popular myth, good by the end of the second quarter things come in small packages. In the side had gone 5-4 down. This the case of the Cambridge Women’s slipped further in the third quar- Lacrosse side, the next three year’s ter and despite repeated efforts worth of good things may have just by the Younge-Knight combina- arrived in a Berkhamsted and Eng- tion, as well as bringing Hurt back land livery clad special delivery. on in the last quarter, no further goals slipped past the tight Lough- Women’s Lacrosse v Loughborough borough defence. Indeed, with the University exception of some rare attacking Cambridge Squad: plays, for much of the second half, Baum, Belcher, Carnegie-Brown, the sight of eleven light blue shirts Eccles, Ellse, Frances Drabble, Garvey, locked in a desperate defensive Hurt, Jefferys, Knight, Leopard, battle around their own goal was a Mandell-Dallal, Michaels, Moffat, common one. Newman, Pack, Rose, Walshe, Yonge, Carnegie-Brown described her- Darke, Hayward, Vullinghs, East, self as being “very much satisfi ed” Gotla with the performance and told Varsity that the match had been a Goal Scorers: Garvey, Vullinghs, chance for the entire squad to gain Walshe, Drabble

Making her debut for the Blue’s Hurt could not side, Downing Fresher and former England Under-19 Captain Geor- prevent the heavy gie Hurt dominated play in last Saturday’s friendly against Lough- defeat in their pre- borough, spending more time in possession of the ball than any season warm up other player on the pitch. Despite a sterling performance from the young player, Hurt could not pre- vent the heavy defeat in their pre- “valuable match experience” ahead season warm up match. Observers of the start of the BUSA league have tipped her for big things on next week. The fi rst team will face the University and International Bristol, who fi nished one place scene with her team mates describ- ahead of Cambridge in third in the ing her effect on the Blues side as Premier Women’s South League being “truly exceptional”, but still last year, on Saturday 17 and are she could not do enough to stem the hoping that this will be the start of tide of the Loughborough attack. a campaign that will lead them back The Blues side made a somewhat to the trophy. Last year Cambridge uncertain start to their 2007-8 cam- thrashed the Bristol side in a tense paign under a steely Midland sky. away match in October, before hav- Despite moments of individual ing to concede defeat to them at brilliance, notably from Charlotte home a month later. This year the Younge and Emily Knight who Blues will be hoping to reverse last made a series of impressive runs year’s return result on their road to down the wing, repeated failures to next year’s Varsity Match, where work coherently as a team saw the they hope to overturn their defeat Blues struggle in the second half of this March. Lacrosse ladies feel the strain against an impressive and very well drilled Loughborough side JOE GOSDEN