O-WEEK EDITION. FEBRUARY 23RD 2011 John Nash John The first academic year to begin in peace time has to begin in peace time has year academic The first number record a far by characteristic as its chief Not only is the number students. of first-year composition is also but its large, exceptionally of number of the large because extraordinary, servicemen it contains. and women returned to I wish year, off this starting all who are To all one have You hearty welcome. a very extend namely the membership now, thing in common and this will be the most of this University, few in the next life of your feature important years. will not be fully the University at stay Your your away take to only want if you worthwhile and not give knowledge, and your degree associations, societies, In student anything. many will have you government and in student extra- part in the an active take to opportunities are such an important curricular activities which of these yourselves Avail life. of University facet opportunities. and organisations The success of all student on active depends particularly of the SRC free discussion and on students all of participation in such of ideas, doctrines and activities. It is outlook a critical you will develop that activites of the appreciation your which will increase engaged. are in which you work academic student that such participation And it is only by carried on in a truly democratic will be affairs fashion. HONI FROM THE VAULT THE VAULT FROM HONI 1946 March Freshers, to Message President’s S.R.C. SEND YOUR MAIL TO: YOUR SEND [email protected] O-Week) O-Week) and recap on the y’all goings considerable and the campus on around in time just the break, over world at knowledge some drop to you for Nice. tute. first your that say to ‘cept done, mostly spiel the That’s up the make that rapscallions the loveable and go, to raring are team Honi Soit editorial you bring to all summer working been have We paper possible. student best the very and representative as accessible be to seek in. come you where and that’s be, can as we articles, your want and we paper, This is your you name poems, letters, love photos, at pieces or ideas Email us with your it! or alternatively [email protected], in the our office at g’day and say come Building. Wentworth for good luck and O-Week, a fantastic Have one! semester Honi Honi!
* Yes, I know it’s confusing. It’s pronounced “oh-nee swah.” It’s Old French and means “shame on he who thinks ill of it.” . How fancy! . How ill of it.” who thinks on he “shame and means French Old It’s swah.” “oh-nee pronounced It’s confusing. it’s know I * Yes, Heeeeere’s Heeeeere’s and university, (back) to Welcome of edition first very the this, to welcome * for 2011. Soit* for English class ten year in my boys One of the long as “one described university once far too wasn’t he honest be and to party,” an incredibly be truth. Uni can the from positive andto easy but it’s environment, social and overwhelmed feel midst in the even isolated of thousands of people. To that end, we’ve into you get to and advice included some tips – check it out! uni groove the Sydney a part of being on Congratulations place, a challenging it’s uni. Academically, More here. be to you to credit a real and it’s around walk can you though, than that and spirit the tradition and feel campus this place special. Clichéd as it makes that here your time out of most the getting is, involved, put in. Get you on what depends and can, learn as much as you people, meet for it. richer time will be all the your of summer the best bring you we This week The to you introduce arts and culture, at acts exciting (one of the most Holidays Bridie Connell Bridie
EDITORIAL THE
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? ? ? ? THE LOVECHILD: DISCLAIMER O Barack Obama RETRACTION Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney, NSW, 2006. The SRC’s operation Rowan Atkinson The editors of Honi Soit apologise for a costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The recurring typographical error in the previous editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the issue: where we intended to print ‘Mark Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed, and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student USyd Ruffalo’, the words ‘Mein Kampf’ were publications: Pat Massarani, Rhys Pogonoski, Deborah White, Pierce Hartigan, Alistair placed, and where we intended to print Stephenson and Meghan Bacheldor. All expressions are published on the basis that they website ‘Mein Kampf’, we printed ‘A Child’s Guide are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council TUE accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained hacked To Butterflies’. We have been contacted by within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. the appropriate parties and in turn have smoothed their feathers. The persons responsible have been grievously suspended.
EDITOR IN CHIEF: Bridie Connell 5 EDITORS: Jacqueline Breen, Neada Bulseco, James Colley, DAD JOKE OF THE WEEK: Shannon Connellan, Andy Fraser, Julian Larnach, Michael Richardson, Laurence Rosier Staines, Tom Walker What do you call a dog with no ears? Doesn’t matter! He REPORTERS: Monica Connors, Luke Craven, Shaun Crowe, What won’t hear you! Gabi Edelstein, Paul Ellis, Nick Findlater, Laurence del you’ve Gigante, Hannah Lee, Ciaran Magee, Chloe Paul, Tim Scriven, Nick Simone missed
CONTRIBUTORS: Tom Ballard, Alex Dore, Nathan Li, Rhys over the HONEY SUAVE: Pogonoski, Richard Withers summer You must be the iron curtain, because I’m Reagan and CROSSWORD: Benny Davis you’re about to fall for me. THU COMIC: Alessandro Tuniz 7
Vulla facipsum HONI SOIT Findzzriureros doloborer O-WEEK ISSUE youraciliquam waydoluptatie tie 23RD FEB 2011 feugait alit aroundutatem iliqui CONTENTS tat. campus Molore consequat, MAIL PROFILE sis del utpat. Honi says hello! You read. 11 Duis am il do 04 Have a Piña Colada with THE HOLIDAYS. 12 CAMPUS 05 JACQUELINE BREEN serves up all the campus summer drama. What FEATURE a campus summer drama queen! 12 PATRICK MAGEE charts the Your HONILEAKS is ready to serve up previously uncharted, and we the wheelings and dealings. scribble all over his work. first year THE ARTS BIT in firsts SCA/CON/ 14 GABI EDELSTEIN likes 70s fashion, 06 but only in small doses. COLLEGE HANNAH LEE reviews half a dozen LAURENCE DEL GIGANTE unearths blockbusters in one. good deeds at Wesley College. MONICA CONNORS checks out the Jurassic Lounge. NEWS 16 07 TIM SCRIVEN gives you the down-low on WikiLeaks. SRC GRIBBLIES 17 Reports from the President, General Secretary, Education SRC Officers and Disability Officers. OPINION & tips 08 FARRAGO and CIARAN MAGEE hates Stephen Fry. CRYPTONOMICON Cryptic crossword by BENNY DAVIS. TOM BALLARD shares the soundtrack 20 advice to your first day at school. Comic by ALE TUNI. RHYS POGONOSKI and ALEX DORE have a tête-à-tête over CSU. NICK FINDLATER wouldn’t shake MON your hand if you were on fire. SPORT 17 10 PAUL ELLIS and RICHARD WITHERS summarise the hell out of things. 3 • Check out Year 12 prodigy artists at ARTEXPRESS at the Art Gallery of NSW. Runs until 10 April, FREE • • ‘Night Letters’ at the Downstairs • Theatre, Seymour Centre 8pm TUE Runs until March 12 $32/$25/$20
| Psychedelic electro king TORO Y MOI at Good God Small Club, Liverpool St 8pm Tickets $28.50 Moshtix WED Dive in to the Deep Sea UV Party Manning Bar 7pm $5
Campus Comedy at MacLaurin Hall, USyd 7pm $10 for Access
“In the next room, or the vibrator THU play” at Drama Theatre, Opera House, 8pm $35 for under 30s
• BANDS AHOY! Festival • feat. The Holidays, Jinja Safari, Check out our profile Eagle and the Worm 1pm - 4pm of The Holidays on FRI Hermann’s Bar page 11 • Cult Fridays at Chauvel Cinema, Paddington • 04 • Wine tasting in Hyde Park with sydney Cellar Door to kick off the 05 NSW Wine Festival 11am - 6pm, FREE entry (Sat + Sun) SAT • + Twilight at Taronga: A Salute to Van Morrison, 7pm. $68.50 06
• Soundwave at Sydney • Showground, 11am. $159.15 07 SUN • • Tom Ballard Is What He Is • Belvoir St Theatre, $24.50 LAST NIGHT!! 08
• Lanie Lane Shows at Shady Pines Saloon, 5pm. Free! • 256 Crown St, Darlinghurst MON • Comedians Unite for Premier’s Flood Disaster Relief Appeal at the State Theatre, 7pm. $100 "
Assange awarded Peace Prize HoniLeaks Jacqueline Breen Each year the SRC releases an Orientation Week order of power in politics like Pakistan. The international handbook that details what the SRC is and how The University of Sydney’s Peace and journalism…Assange has community is divided over the university works. This year, however, political Foundation picked sides in the championed the people’s right Assange’s actions. Civil liberty and factional squabblings within the SRC have ongoing WikiLeaks vs The World to know and has challenged groups praised WikiLeaks for paused its production (it is now two weeks late). saga, awarding co-founder Julian the centuries-old tradition that exposing the secrets of war. Chad Sidler, General Secretary of the SRC, decided Assange a rare gold medal for governments are entitled to Numerous politcians criticized to make a final stand with the O-Week handbook. Assange for jeopardizing national peace with justice. keep the public in a state of Sidler attempted to remove the Acknowledgement campus ignorance.” security. Others criticized of Country – a statement that precedes SRC Only three others in history WikiLeaks for the irresponsible publications, acknowledging the traditional In 2010 the WikiLeaks website have received the foundation’s publication of informant Aboriginal owners of Australia – from three rocketed in to the international accolade – the Dalai Lama, names, which could lead to separate publications: the International Students spotlight when it published apartheid activist Nelson incriminations against civilians. Handbook, the Counter-Course Handbook and thousands of top-secret Mandela and the Japanese Sweden is currently attempting to O-Week Handbook. A compromise was met when documents pertaining to the Buddhist Daisaku Ikeda. Assange extradite Assange for questioning Sidler accepted that the Acknowledgement of wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, as earned the badge for “exceptional in a sexual assault case. Country would be run if an Acknowledgement to well as confidential diplomatic courage and initiative in pursuit ANZACs was placed on the second last page of the cables. The reports catalogued The Sydney Peace Foundation of human rights.” Foundation Handbook. Other interesting sections include a embarrassing political details hopes to present Assange with director Professor Stuart Rees proposed ‘family values’ section, and a promotion like civilian casualties, prisoner the medal in May. commended the Australian that Essen German restaurant was a better bar torture and the duplicity of allies activist for defying “the old than Hermann’s or Manning.
USyd Website Hacked Meanwhile, negotiations are underway between Michael Spence and the USU about a possible Jacqueline Breen page was initially replaced with attack. He stated that “a malicious takeover of commercial services. Tensions raised a scathing message criticising hacker managed to bypass An attack on the University last year by the University Green Paper, which the administrator’s credentials [security] mechanisms and accessed of Sydney website caused stated the University’s ambitions of taking over and claiming responsibility for the University’s home page and disruption to student services and student services from the Union, have come to earlier hacks. The message was some high level corporate web embarrassment to IT management the surface again. Allegedly, the deal will give later updated with an appeal for pages. Much of the University’s in January. the University majority control of the Union. donations to the Queensland floods. website remained untouched and Concerns were raised as without the majority of The internet service remained down no systems were compromised.” Hackers from EFNET, a prominent ownership, students will have less input into and until Sunday. He assured students that no IRC network, compromised the control over the Union, which will be left to the academic or financial records were site and mocked the administrator devices of the university. for poor security management Vice-Chancellor Michael Spence compromised. on Friday January 14. The home emailed students explaining the
You did it. Now help some From school kids get there too.
The University of Sydney’s Compass program school encourages primary and secondary school children to stay in school and think about higher education. to uni. Volunteers are required for a wide variety of projects throughout the year.
For more information and details on how to get involved visit our website:
sydney.edu.au/compass/volunteer
11/2516 CRICOS Provider No. 00026A 11/2516 CRICOS Provider 5
Send your stuff to stuff Send your COLLEGE KIDS: COLLEGE [email protected] WE WANT YOU! WE WANT We want to know the ins and ins the know to want We winning is who college: of outs Rawson Cup? Who is sucking at Palladian? We know want major developments, to we rectors want and we want stories of informals headmasters, out-of-control gone horribly wrong or gone tremendously is right. not to say that you write This can’t anywhere else in paper, the but this is your matters all for page voice, your and college. everything to related Before the students leave Australia they are are they Australia leave the students Before fund part of to quota a certain raise to required be donated. surplus of which is to their trip, any some where dictate to the power also have They adding further invested, portions of funding are This ensures their workings. to responsibility College The Wesley through donated the money to appropriate going effectively, is used Foundation re- frequently which are and communities causes is The success of this system in person. evaluated which only to SCAADP, donations seen in Wesley’s commenced by proposed when it was last year’s group. of this kind currently programs only a few are There but its popularity is in Australia, being conducted potential see the to as people begin increasing slowly benefits. yield bilateral to of the program the Wesley is authorised by Study Program Overseas The in 1993. established Council and was College d.edu.au ARTISTES! MUSOS! We need your stories, photos, drawings and news! Email: [email protected] two years since its opening, including years two Damage (2010), Raw (2010) and the awards. annual USU PALM artists will see student Art is an Irritant medium they the theme in any tackle and see fit, including performance are artists Student works. temporal submit proposals to being encouraged on find applications SCASS and can to within the page the SCASS Facebook week. next 11 March. close Friday Entries Placements in past years have also been conducted conducted also been have years in past Placements Counselling Genetic Office of of the and likes the at for School’ ‘Future the in Hue, Disabled Children in Bureau BBC the in Cantho, children handicapped in Cambodia. Post Hanoi and the Phnom Penh than mere greater is something this creates What contributes the program In the long term, charity. knowledge community’s the wider college to commercial and of the cultural and appreciation nature dynamics of modern Asia. The immersive of awareness raise to also serves of the program in Australia, poverty Cambodian and Vietnamese the that stipulates the program as admission to further foster to apply their experience students upon their return. of the program development by offered scholarship the ongoing This is helped by for which pays student a Vietnamese to the college the at studying while he or she is Wesley at board of Sydney. University Wesley collegian Kate Johnston pictured working at the Office of Genetic Counselling and Disabled Children in Hue. Counselling and Disabled Children the Office of Genetic at working pictured Johnston Kate collegian Wesley is Art is an Irritant THE ART ATTACK SYDNEY COLLEGE OF SYDNEY The SCA-based, student-run society society student-run The SCA-based, of the Arts Student College SCASS (Sydney of brand an exhibition will host Society) in the Verge SCA students by works new The exhibition, Gallery in April this year. dubbed provocatively sculpture, SCA lecturers: by being curated Adam artist and installation performance Mahalaya artist and film and digital Geczy Middlemist. Gallery has included numerous Verge over the past exhibitions in SCA artists SCASS unleashes brand new new SCASS unleashes brand Gallery on Verge show SHANNON CONNELLAN The University of Sydney’s Wesley College has established has established College Wesley of Sydney’s The University non- not only aids various which a unique program within Vietnam organisations and charity government the extends simultaneously and Cambodia, but and enriches the skills of the students professional environment. academic college’s and travel study to chosen are students seven year Each Study and Cambodia as part of the Overseas in Vietnam in its 18th year now program, The Experience program. study sessions, month-long of two consists of operation, lessons, all of which are and language as culture as well half of the trip The first the college. by partly subsidised and and learning about the organisations visiting is spent the college. by sponsored families Indochina. Established is Project One such organisation Australia’s by venture philanthropic in 2005 as a private housing, education, to provide its mission is Geoff Shaw, and income care health sanitation, clean water, to poor and disadvantaged opportunities generation in Vietnam, and their communities children Cambodia and Laos. and families also supports numerous The college of the aid through schools in Sapa, North Vietnam, of the education which funds correspondent, a local of a school and refurbishment children disadvantaged facilities. with essential the annually to 1000 AUD donates the college Finally, Program’ and Development Assistance Children ‘Street orphans who have (SCADP) in Cambodia, which assists trip the students AIDS. During this part of the contracted the English at teach the opportunity to also given are of Hanoi. University then undertake all this, the students absorbed Having within the field of their or internship placement a work departure. to organized previously path, chosen career students by undertaken placements This year, at the services in the community office include work School (UNIS) making a International Nations United well as website, their video and updating promotional also in Hanoi. Students the Bach Mai hospital as at of Agriculture, the Hanoi University at volunteered and Business of Accounting within the faculty working researching to teaching classes ranging from with duties farming analyse used to methods retrieval data worked student Another Vietnam. remote in efficiency on and reporting Indochina, researching with Project by harmful caused degradation the environmental Vietnam. carried out in central practices agricultural LAURENCE DEL GIGANTE explores Wesley College’s approach to helping out on a world stage. out on a world helping to approach College’s Wesley explores DEL GIGANTE LAURENCE The two-way road to foreign aid foreign to road two-way The
campus 6 " E News Why does WikiLeaks matter? In by TIMOTHY SCRIVEN Briefs by SHAUN CROWE What happened? Speculation is increasing that a United In Spain, public outcry jettisoned a States grand jury has already been bill tightening copyright laws after it Did you struggle to keep up-to- Put simply, Cablegate happened. A empanelled to hear Assange’s case. A key was revealed that American pressure date over the summer? It’s ok, collection of 250,000 diplomatic cables question is whether his behaviour can be was behind it. In Tunisia some experts Honi understands – your Herald (totaling 261,276,536 words) were distinguished from the publishers of the have even speculated that the recent subscription ran out in November and allegedly obtained by Private Bradley leaks such as the New York Times, widely and apparently successful revolution getting wireless in Machu Pichu is a Manning, a troubled young man who had thought to enjoy immunity under the may not have happened if not for bitch. Don’t worry, though, Honi to suffered under America’s “don’t ask don’t first amendment. WikiLeaks, and let’s not forget that the rescue! Just in time for your first tell” policy. the revolution in Egypt owes much to tutorials, here’s our remedial guide to WikiLeaks is planning another “mega- Tunisia. Cablegate is a big deal. Copied to CDs labelled “Lady Gaga” and leak” of documents from a major the past three months: “singing along”, the cables were made American Bank, believed by many to be Assange has written extensively on available to key newspapers around The Bank of America. Assange seems the political economy of secrets. He the world. Because these newspapers convinced that this will be a scandal to argues that as secrets accumulate have semi-exclusive access they are rival Cablegate. they begin to be treated as product, Queensland flooded. No, we mean incentivized to run the stories; they also with a market of exchangers like any it. It really bloody flooded. Towns have the resources to search through the Why does WikiLeaks matter? other commodity. The real object of were swept away, people died. And, cables for scoops and redact portions these exchanges is power. Indeed this as always, we faced the inevitable Here is a tiny portion of what we’ve as necessary. Cablegate started in sector shows every sign of being a politics of tragedy. Anna Bligh learnt thus far: a US tax-payer funded November 2010- less than two percent boom industry, there are over 3200 appeared angelic, Julia Gillard cut company used a child sex slave to of the cables are currently available. intelligence agencies of one sort or environmental programs to cope news ‘entertain’ trainee Afghanistani police another in America, and somewhere with an environmental catastrophe What next? officers, America bombed civilians in around 3 million people have the same and, somewhat extraordinarily, Yemen and allowed Yemen to take the level of access Bradley Manning used Tony Abbott seemed like a bigger New information will continue to flow “credit”, and the American diplomat in to obtain the diplomatic cables. Every dickhead than usual. for years; by its nature the process is New Zealand had nothing better to do governmental action kept a secret unpredictable. It will move in and out of than to bombastically rant at the New is another that the public cannot the light as new scandals are exhumed Zealand government when a minister evaluate at the ballot box. Democracy and pertinent events unfold. attended a screening of Farenheit 9/11. thus is in tension with widespread We witnessed the birth of a nation Closer to home we’ve learnt that Kevin Assange is under house arrest in Britain secrecy. As the safety of secrets comes – with an astonishingly high 98.83% Rudd is scared shitless by the war in pending an extradition hearing for into question, should we expect a of the vote, Southern Sudan chose Afghanistan and that a senior Liberal alleged sex crimes in Sweden. In the USA feistier public asking questions of secession and independence. wonk said that the more boats that numerous politicians and commentators methods and not just results? Considering its civil war soaked come, the better since the matter is a have called for his assassination. history, the lack of violence was fantastic wedge issue. encouraging. Also encouraging for the region’s beer lovers was its rejection of Sharia law and the subsequent creation of Sudan’s first modern brewery.
In opposition to oppression and administrative incompetence, the Middle East revolted. Popular SAVEon protest movements, relatively rare in the region, sprang up in both Tunisia and Egypt. Following a sad historic trend, Western countries couldn’t decide whether to defend regional allies BOOKS or be happy that Arabs hate their get your Textbooks CheAp leaders us much as they do. Current second-hand text books on sale now! www.src.usyd.edu.au Gabrielle Giffords, Democratic Congresswoman from Arizona, • We buy & sell textbooks according to demand was tragically shot while hosting a • You can sell your books on consignment. public meeting in Tucson. Instead Please phone us before bringing in your books. of discussing how to keep guns • We are open to USYD students & the public away from the criminally insane, Search for text books online the political debate turned to Sarah
Eastern Avenue Palin. No one was too surprised. Carslaw www.src.usyd.edu.au/default.php Call 02 9660 4756 to check availability F ish er and reserve a book. Ro ad Footbridge Main Gate Jane Foss NEW Location! In a nostalgia-inducing act of student CITY ROAD Butlin Avenue Level 4, Wentworth Building protest, thousands of British students Level 4 (Next to the International Lounge) Mereweather Wentworth took to the streets to complain about Hours: Mondays to Fridays 9am - 4.30pm the tripling (yes, tripling) of the Phone: (02) 9660 4756 Email: [email protected] country’s tuition ceiling. Annoyed at having to mortgage their future for the sins of the banking sector, they occupied Tory HQ and threw an egg at Prince Charles. Old people everywhere considered the egg to be much more offensive than any rise in fees. 7 Fact follow DO NOT Rhys Pogonoski Rhys
Pigs squeal because they hate freedom. The organisations that survived survived that The organisations their by supported invariably were these that great It’s University. still survived but organisations over took Universities problematic. servicesservices what would or chose not yet Unfortunately, be provided. best aren’t universities unsurprisingly, need, students decide what placed to Spence?). (hear that are students the kicker, and this is Secondly, in monetary support came university $9 million meant that Sydney at form; the Teaching from being diverted not Again and Learning budget. rag- John and ‘lil Peter the surprisingly, band apparently penny-pinching tag and outcome this didn’t foresee for funding little transition provided fact, the Lomax-Smith In Universities. being currently review Base-funding is one VSU that suggests conducted factors of the main contributing in quality of tertiary a decrease to education. burden an equitable CSU leads to So, the quality increases of payment, services and of needed and valued whilst representation, student allows of our the quality decreases VSU Tony by and is supported education go on? Abbott. Need I (Not The Noel Coward Song): Penises Song): Penises (Not The Noel Coward PRO TOM BALLARD will be performing at The Belvoir will be performing at TOM BALLARD Tom 15 to 27th in his stand up show Feb from Theatre info at www.belvoir.com.au More Is What He Is. Ballard If you ever feel like an like feel ever If you Boy: The Divine Comedy - Gin-Soaked probably are you remember: school, just at outsider or loner whilst Neil side, so was But, on the bright both of those things and worse. brilliant. Hannon, and he’s Song PythonMonty - Penis are hilarious, both in and outside of school. are are you This is the way Seasons - Grease: and the Four Valli Frankie apparently. a teenager, when you’re feeling A): (What World Hermits - Wonderful Herman’s the example set in this song. It implies that even if one wastes one’s one’s if one wastes even in this song. It implies that set the example world - indeed, happiness and fulfillment opportunities, educational NOT THIS IS relationships. in romantic be found peace itself - may ACCURATE. In the light of the SSAF (a deferrable (a deferrable of the SSAF In the light services) bill student for payment revisit we in 2011, Senate the reaching find we And again an older model, CSU. asking, does the wrong what ourselves against side of politics have (right) to services and access quality education, cheaply? more drunk getting students grab Manning to into When I walk attend a coffee, purchase a brew, lobbied wireless use the free O-Week, vibrant the or enjoy SRC the by for at inescapable atmosphere student benefitting I am directly this University organisations the services student from may My learned colleague provide. shouldn’t be students that suggest services don’t use, they for pay to forced correction an accurate offer but I would use these students all in fact that services. an integral The services are aspect of this campus. and inexorable only consider when you Dore, Mr. Now them, for paying were 13,300 students the economic appreciate can you surely loss of a free the deadweight hindrance rider invokes. quality of services. Under talk Let’s were run organisations student CSU, capability equipped with the financial services all students that provide to under that consider need. Now, (not revenue general the USU’s VSU decreased fees) including membership was a decrease (in 2007 it substantially student of $2 million) – i.e. under CSU, to provide able were run organisations services. When that valued more stripped funding ceased, services were organisations student and many with left were students Many collapsed. for bodies fighting no representative quality and high a fair their access to you hate do why Alex, education. students? 5 6 7 8 Alex Dore Alex boxes of two-minute noodles claiming noodles of two-minute boxes eat poor to too are students most that a for support else, its steadfast anything is irreconcilable. on students $250 tax beneath For is the point. that Of course, is a more this cloak of egalitarianism the NUS has years For partisan agenda. of students not the views represented, and but the inclinations on campus, Party. Labor positions of the Australian the across stretching With members Student Voluntary divide, political choose to students Unionism allowed This fund this partisan front. not to at empowering aimed legislation was (and students that recognising students, should choose how not the government) their money. spend they and where and unions some student Naturally had to have the country across councils tailor in doing so, their belts, and tighten body student the wider their services to it is how That membership. attract to should be. unions are divides, many state Across without compulsory blossoming even unionism, thriving under the hand of directorships. efficient and staff talented of Queensland to the University From of examples of Sydney, the University clear. success are Union, over of Sydney the University At and societies, clubs diverse hundred two student and a vibrant discounts, campus those accessible for are community sign-up. wishing to on the without a tax All of this exists poorest. nation’s
The schoolyard is riddled with sexual bravado. bravado. is riddled with sexual The schoolyard ‘First Day of School’ Mix Tape by Tom Ballard ‘First Day of School’ Mix Tape by
Kanye West (feat. Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Bon Iver, Nicki Minaj) Bon Iver, Ross, Rick Jay-Z, (feat. West Kanye - Monster: faces of in the to this right the lyrics reciting recommend I’d loins. First in your lust who inspires and anyone everyone important. are impressions A good Someone Cooler Than You: Always - There’s Ben Folds yearning desperately you’re in mind whenever keep lesson to and pants Buy some acid-wash your peers. fit in with with to none of it will now from years five up and dance, because get mean shit. the inevitable for you This will prepare - Thirteen: Big Star to suffer bound you are anguish and existential heartbreak school. Did I mention at mature body and worldview as your I high school? Maybe my popular kid at the most I wasn’t that that. mentioned should have that reminder A good Useful: Are - Science Facts Tripod contain torturous, often science-based classes, whilst you will later world that facts about the natural fascinating to. attention paid more wish you 4 3 2 1
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For an organisation that meanders meanders that an organisation For with campuses university around With a direct pecuniary interest pecuniary interest With a direct explain to NUS fails in the debate, a $250 for students charging how will not use, and service most that way is in any of income, regardless equitable. Under a banner of equity and depicting itself as a selfless NUS has rights, student for warrior the merits of paraded constantly unionism, but student compulsory up. its claims do not stack In the old scheme students paid In the old scheme students services as union sub-standard for scheme in the new members; these same for pay would students services not automatically but would of their university members become unions! This legislation represents a represents This legislation and old-fashioned resurrected of the left, brainchild ideological and Labor are although the Greens this is claiming that relentlessly student compulsory to not a return worse. it’s right: unionism. They’re The legislation facing the Senate facing the Senate The legislation the by revoked that is similar to and will force Government, Howard to $250 up to pay students tertiary services, union annually for indexed utilize to capacity of their regardless to these services or their capacity pay. Compulsory Student Unionism Student Compulsory the of wrangling, months After Services of the Student introduction by the Gillard Fee Bill and Amenities will risk the livelihoods Government and the country across of students of the finances do little but bolster campus. on partisan apparatchiks MUCH ADO ABOUT SOMETHING: ABOUT ADO MUCH
opinion R hydrogen that engulfed theHindenburg world’s largest natural gas reserves. The hands oftheUnited States, whohadthe contemporary airships to hold was in the the heliumHugo Eckener designed develop thetechnology. Furthermore, combat inabilitymeant theNazis didnot propaganda platforms. However, their marches. They were thefloating every fin,andappeared above parade They sported brand new swastikas on The Nazipartydrafted the zeppellins. So what happened?Well, World War 2. incredibly safe. less fuel.Counterintuitively, they were over longdistances. They required far or passengers, withexcellent returns hour. 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So I’m starting ananti-handshake depths ofmnemonicoblivion. name hadcompletely fallen into the aroused that my acquaintance’s relieved/traumatised/confused/ was over, Iwas soexhausted/ – that by thetime the handshake or apush-over withasweat problem was going to be adomineering twat ascertain whether my acquaintance palm; andusingthesevariables to temperature ofmy acquaintance’s movement inthe actualshake, the strength ofthe grip, the degree of of thehandshake –factoring inthe I was sodamnfocused onthe art fellow shakees. forgotten the namesofall of these And doyou know what? I’ve since self-aggrandisement. order to pursue ruthlesslypunkish because you’ve left himhangingin put your new acquaintance offside, “A stupid person’s ideaofwhat aclever person islike.” sometimes-wise critic: irredeemably IthinkI’llfinishupwiththe words awful humanbeing, ofa And whileIcould probably write several books onwhy Stephen isan Fry bearableFry ifhissmugnesswas contained just to himself. Butit’s not. vacuous word that drips from Fry’s bloated mouth.You see,Iwould probably find Ah yes. Theworshippers ofStephen Fry. Thehuddledmasseswhohangoff every short, heiseverything theworshippers was. wishFry ofFry is agenuinely funny andtalented manwhocannot receive enoughaccolades. In Some ofthesupposedhighlights ofhiscareer include: I were to list every goodhaddone,itwould thingFry be of thisarticlethat it would endup resembling Fry’s own -ahem robust figure. If If Iwere to list everything that hasdone,Iwould Fry sofar exceed thewordcount all, very, very dull.Ifthat description irritated you, stop reading now. Stephen Fry. Inmy view, heisarrogant, obnoxious, hollow, unfunny and,worst of Let mesay thisright offthebat -there a few men inthe world Ihate more than CIARAN MAGEE reallyhateshim. Stephen Fry THE LIFECRITIC: Fry and Laurie as a critique of Hugh Laurie, who Now, pleasedon’ttake my critiqueof devoid ofany redeemable features. - TimBurton’s Alice inWonderland sympathetic character whilst playing himself. its face by relying onStephen beinga Fry - Vfor Vendetta -Afilmwhich falls flat on its impotent glory. neatly encapsulates faux-intellectualism inall desperately to trying bemeta andoffbeat it -ABitofFry andLaurie learnt no new name to show for it. of adefunct gesture andhave to lose yourself inthephysicality seasoned conversationalist than yourself anengaged listener and and peers, it’s far better to prove introducing yourself to strangers I thinkinyour early20s, affirmation like “Whaddup?” smile, awave,a orasimpleverbal with wrong nothing There’s handshake ishugely overrated. because you would realise the join. Andyou would too, join People willbe queuingupto time to let go!!!” (Geddit?) And ourcatch willbe: “It’s cry mid-shake. campus andbreak uphandshakes buildings andbushes allover going to jumpoutfrom behind war paint onourfaces. We’re have akhakiuniform andwear Blackadder GoesForth . - Asketch show so - Afilm A Bitof
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YOUR SRC YOUR ASK US US ASK YOUR VOICE YOUR The SRC’s operational costs, space and administrative operational costs, space and administrative The SRC’s financed by the University of Sydney. support are University of Sydney of Sydney University University The The Students’ Representative Council Council Representative Representative Students’ Students’ If you are at another campus, If you are email: [email protected] We are located at.. are We Building Level 1 Wentworth (under City Rd footbridge) Ph: 02 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au We can’t continue to provide student continue to provide can’t We support. Become a services without your the SRC today! supporting member of SRC President 83rd Donherra Walmsley, [email protected] The SRC President President The SRC you... welcomes Council (SRC) is The Student Representative just like you, who get made up of students and committees, to sit on university boards elected every year make the university a and work to lobby the university, your voice in the university better place for students. They’re bureaucracy. for the responsible you elect are The student representatives bookshop) and running of the SRC Bookshop (second-hand and Honi Soit – the only publications, including Handbooks country. weekly student newspaper in the BECOME A MEMBER! BECOME A MEMBER! Join in person at the SRC Office or SRC Bookshop (details below) SRC Student Services can help you with: We SRC HELP Support and Advocacy Advice • Centrelink • Appeals Academic • Discontinuing/Withdrawing • at Risk Students • Show Cause • Exclusion • Advice Tenancy • Fee Refunds • & Discrimination Harassment • Students help International • & misconduct Plagiarism Building, NEW! SRC Books is now on Level 4 Wentworth next to International Lounge. Contact SRC Books on 02 9660 4756 NEW! SRC Legal Service • Referrals Advice & • Opportunity Discrimination & Equal • Employment law • fines offences/ Minor criminal matters/traffic • Victims of violence • Debts
the Socceroos, who have who have the Socceroos, been times in recent if sometimes effective of a brand produced dull, was that Qatar in football to pleasing also genuinely the Nonetheless, the eye. throughout fielded teams were tournament the we made up of players to should not expect major our next see at not least at tournament, capacity. in their current to blood will have New and while out, be sought prospects some promising unearthed been have Robbie McKay, in Matt the Oar, and Tommy Kruse is of the Socceroos future uncertain. top-two revered once tennis’ For the stride. Amidst find their didn’t fuelled been have that expectations the at presence their constant by both slams, business end of grand fell Nadal and Rafa the Fed-express and in the semis short with shock exits continued Andy Murray quarter-finals. the British public as much frustrate to as Tim Henman did in his quest for a with a lame defeat Wimbledon title, to Serb open final in the Australian was final women’s The Djokovic. Novak becoming with Li Na history-making, the first Chinese player to make a support Slam final. However, Grand and pseudo- behind super-mum was who Clijsters, Kim Australian adopted Open title and Australian first her won Slam. Grand fourth Greg the protracted In other news, have to appears saga Inglis transfer with conclusion, reached a finally competition off staving South Sydney the codes; and even clubs rival from in a League interest showing AFL again to is there title The A-League star. whose 24 the Brisbane Roar, for lose has put them streak unbeaten game minor the for in the race out of sight sporting An Australian premiership. without be complete wouldn’t summer of and the return story a comeback Australia’s Thorpedo is this year’s. to Olympian intends successful most London 2012. at more once gold for go
Despite the the Despite
SUMMER SUMMER THE THE SPORT OF WITHERS sum(mer) it up for you sum(mer) it up for WITHERS PAUL ELLIS and RICHARD RICHARD ELLIS and PAUL Meanwhile, hopes of a first of a first hopes Meanwhile, Australia’s coming trophy football dashed were this summer way by strike an extra-time when the found Lee Tadanari Japan’s ten in the final net back of the Cup final. of the Asian minutes triumphant not returning Despite controversy that riddled selection selection riddled that controversy and the summer across decisions Ashes their first suffering Australia home soil in 24 years, on defeat Andrew chairman of selectors to bewilder continued Hilditch public declaring his Australian the very ‘done a panel had selection job’. good Beer and fellow spinners Xavier Xavier spinners and fellow Beer Smith and Stephen Doherty between wickets amassed five while the series, across them Wales’ New South effective the Hauritz missed Nathan spinner fans, further frustrate out. To with both bat Hauritz excelled picking up level, state and ball at award month of the player the The out-of-form in December. who in Phil Hughes, youngster six innings could only muster a preferred was of 31, score highest and technically in-form to in the waiting batsmen stronger wings such as Usman Khawaja and Shaun Marsh. Captain Ricky Ponting and his and his Ricky Ponting Captain - along with Clarke vice Michael have - committee selection the of the criticism brunt the received of the latter, case and in the were so. Our selectors rightfully baggy away accused of throwing Australia’s and Western greens as confused seemed Michael Beer his public by Australian as the my rang ‘I the team; up into call it and actually blurted parents hang on, and thought out myself on here?’ going what’s
The story of the summer was was of the summer The story Australia’s defeat in the Ashes; a an across- that so emphatic defeat in cricket of review the-board sport undertaken. being is now Australia With the Australian public at a our once how understand loss to suffered cricketers world-beating soil, on home defeats innings three in pointed inevitably were fingers all directions. U HOLIDAYS 2 squeezedsummerafternoons a dashofCurtisMayfield a weekendatthebeach 3 dramsofsydneyuni COLADA A PIÑA WITH... THE make a splash since there are thousands of bands playing each year. I think we’re just going to try and in the US and some blog coverage,” says Jones. “It’s pretty audacious to assume you’re really going to showing a rare modesty about their international exposure. “We’ve been lucky to get some radio play It seems everybody loves a holiday. From humble Sydney beginnings in 2006, the band are now are band the 2006, in beginnings Sydney humble holiday.From a loves everybody seems It reaching an expanding national audience. So far they’ve toured with the likes ofbig-name likes the with toured they’ve far So audience. national expanding an reaching “throw their hat into the international ring”. The Holidays are keeping their feet firmly on the ground, international acts Jamie T and Ben Kweller. Here’s hoping South by South West proves a launching point into the often impenetrable American market. For The Holidays, their snowballing success to opportunity an as it sees Jones Lips. Flaming the and Spree Polyphonic as such bands for pad play as best as we can, and if it doesn’t we’re happy to make another record and just keep going.” The next big stop for The Holidays is Austin, Texas for the South by South West Festival: launching Jones, the “fraternity of music” backstage at festivals is more relaxed than expected, with expected, than relaxed more is festivals atbackstage music” of “fraternity the Jones, and also forming bonds with other bands both Australian and overseas acts. Accordingtooverseas Australianacts. and both bands other with formingbonds also and Hermann’s Bar. The group have been enjoying the more-focused vibe of festival audiences, to Sydney in time to headline our own O-Week own our music headline Friday festival,Sydney to this time at to Ahoy Bands in I can’t really pick a favourite as swearing is one of my favourite things. Fuck is great is Fuck things. favourite my of one is swearing as favourite a pick really can’t I are currently shuffling around the country with the Laneway Festival tour, making it back After all that hard work you might think they’d kick back poolside. Instead The Holidays international andolderactsminglingwithoutarrogance orpresumption ofhierarchy. by the time we were done, we were just really happy withtheachievement.” themselves. “We were a hundred percent in charge; it was very satisfying so so satisfying very was it charge; in percent hundred a were “We themselves. Spend more time working on your music earlier on, spend more time figuring out figuring time more spend on, earlier music your on working time more Spend and popularcruise-shipsoundisensuringavacation isnotintheirvisiblefuture. what works and what doesn’t, what you enjoy playing. For us particularly, we particularly, us For playing. enjoy you what doesn’t, what and works what soul-searching Jones proudly explains that the band recorded the album album the recorded band the that explains proudly Jones soul-searching launched into playing gigs pretty quickly because we thought it would be a fun a be would it thought we because quickly pretty gigs playing into launched The result is a light but still substantial sound. After all that musical musical that all After sound. substantial still but light a is result The because it’s somainstream now that it’s creeping into common speechnow. thing but for the first two years we didn’t really know what we were aiming were we what know really didn’t we years two first the for but thing for. When it came time for recording the album, it was like hitting reset. hitting like was it album, the recording for time came it When for. choices, which were influenced by South American and African beats. Rememberthat sometimes what enjoyplaying whatyou necessarily isn’t we began recording.” He points to their percussion and rhythm rhythm and percussion their to points He recording.” began we couple of months experimenting and working out ideas beforeideas out working experimentingand months of couple JULIAN LANARCHJULIAN found their name on a “nice hot day”. Guitarist and and Guitarist day”. hot “nice a on name their The Holidaysfound sure what we’d sound like,” Jones says. “We spent a few few a spent “We says. Jones like,” sound we’d what sure lead singer Simon Jones is thinking back to that balmy afternoon afternoon balmy to that back is thinking Jones Simon singer lead get it feeling right. “At the outset we weren’t entirely entirely weren’t we outset the “At right. feeling it get when, after months of jamming away, their sunny tunes found found tunes sunny away, their jamming of months after when, With this, their first album, the boys took the time to to time the took boys the album, first their this, With the perfect moniker. “It seemed a natural extension of the the of extension natural a seemed “It moniker. perfect the The summer (musical) loving got hot and heavy and they music we were making,” says Jones of the summery title. title. summery the of Jones says making,” were we music Probably anything by CurtisMayfield, he’s really catchy. Andrew Kerridge (drums) and Alex Kortt (bass) in 2006. in (bass) Kortt Alex and (drums) KerridgeAndrew giait satd amn wt hg sho mates school high with jamming started (guitarist) became a drag, so Jones and best friend Will Magnus Will friend best and Jones so drag, a became our hands,” says Jones of the band’s formation. Uni formation. band’s the of Jones says hands,” our high school we find ourselves with a lot of time on time of lot a with ourselves find we school high things started innocently enough. “First year out of out year “First enough. innocently started things h Sde bsd Sde Uinrue bn are band Uni-nurtured Sydney based, Sydney The et eu Rlae Lk ms sme holidays, summer most Like Release. Debut Best ad o te t ana Rd ul wr for Award Bull Red annual 6th the won and J rie i ws 21 Faue Abm n Triple on Album Featured 2010 a was it praise; international and domestic the in splash a making has garnered widespread critical and popular and critical widespread garnered has What’s yourinspirational,get-shit-done song? music scene. Their debut album, Post Paradise, Post album, debut Their scene. music you like listening to, don’tbelimited by that. for upcoming Sydney band,THEHOLIDAYS. released adebutself-titled EPin2008. He’s spot-on; I’m typingthisinabikini. What’s yourfavourite swear word? sails away with Simon Jones, lead singer and guitaristsingerand awaylead sails Jones, Simon with Advice for aspiringmusos? The HoniQuestionnaire: X 11 profile “Science” happens for frisbees The Square - Look out Telescopes! THEATRE! Science happens! Education Students Education Building TBC
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13 feature P s THE ne ST. JEROME'S LaneWay HAPPENING u T ANDY FRASER doesn’t review The Laneway Festival. Festival he Jurassic T The line-up of the 2011 Laneway Festival was great. Done and dusted. I could be unpleasant and give you a blow-by-blow, painstaking report of the acts at Sydney College of the Lounge Arts on 7th Feb 2011; but unless you’re a masochist or have a time-machine, does it really matter? Here’s what MONICA CONNORS spins does matter; where was the damn Gozleme? Mr and Mrs Organiser, if you’re reading this get your shit sorted - a the fossil record after hours. festival ain’t a festival without a Turkish Gozleme stall. Speaking of, there are many elements that come together in making or breaking a festival. Some of these are more obvious than others (acts, weather, Gozleme) and others you Unless you’re a security guard wouldn’t think to be too day-changingly significant: viz venue. After experiencing the Laneway Festival at SCA it was or a night prowler, you’ve transparently clear how a venue can shape a festival-goers day. probably never seen inside Undoubtedly as an eager Usyd student you know all about the SCA and its grounds… yep, ok so you know nothing a museum at night. Jurassic about the venue or what goes on in that mysteriously creative ex-psychiatric facility. To put your aching interest Lounge remedies this, giving at ease, go have a geez; with more handcrafted sandstone and palm trees than a Moroccan pool party, crowds free reign to see inside it’s well worth it. But as beautiful as SCA is, its functionality as a festival venue is, or at least should be, the Australian Museum’s huge another matter. The three main stages were fit so snugly into alcoves they would have been easily range of animal, mineral and The fossil collections every Tuesday missed if it weren’t for the surrounding massed audience. One wonders whether the organisers night until April 19. The series were sacrificing practicality for the uncomfortably slim laneway theme. Of course if the majority of evening get-togethers of laneways tend to have incessant dust storms then this festival hit the nail on the head. Who Verse featuring different musicians, would have thought a festival lined with a dirt track would have worked so favourably. artists, and filmmakers offers a Now it would be unfair to dwell on negatives because frankly a good day was had by many. Bagel fresh way to see the museum. The venue certainly provided grassy ‘chilling’ space to keep the hipsters happy, and boy Far from the fusty and boring was there a shitload (both grass and hipsters). Even more outstanding were the A man, the table next school-trips that we used to make while at school, teachers bar queues, or lack there of. At first it seemed odd that they might have more to me, ordered a bagel to go The woman behind and schoolbags are swapped areas assigned to bars rather than stages but when that equated to very for martinis and torches to little wasted band-viewing time it was difficult to complain. One last the counter threw it explore the darker corners of extraordinarily irrelevant element needs to be mentioned: FREE toasted and wrapped the museum. FAIRY FLOSS PEOPLE. She threw the bagel Queuing up to buy tickets in too hard and it whizzed So with all things bar the actual line-up carefully the foyer of the Australian considered and honestly deliberated over I should past him and hit me Museum for the opening night retract my earlier statement. Mr and Mrs in the shoulder of Jurassic Lounge, I stood Organiser, you did get your shit beneath a massive dinosaur sorted. I was struck by a bagel skeleton. Its pointed white in the coffee shop This isn’t a beer commercial teeth glared overhead and offered a surreal start to the or a Drew Barrymore movie evening. Only a few metres I was hit by a bagel further inside the museum there were more bare bones by Luke Craven on show than in the back pages of WHO magazine. Further inside, the taxidermy THE SCREEN: exhibitions were more than Summer s Best a little eerie in the dark and
the arts bit provided a surprising backdrop for couple fights and cocktails.
With live snake parades, acrobats performing with LED lights, short films on show HANNAH LEE sweats out the best from from the Kino Sydney collective the rest. and a photo booth offering The King's Speech dress-ups, the inaugural While summertime usually calls for beach outings, gelato and some Being the King of England at the outbreak of World War II is no easy job. night of Jurassic Lounge was serious back sweat, film geeks and popcorn-munchers alike had good Now add a speech impediment to the situation and the whole nation an eclectic mix of sights and reason to run (or crawl) to their local cinema in the sweltering heat. feels a little awkward. The King’s Speech, however, is nowhere near This summer, there was enough range and entertainment value on our awkward. It is quite simply, amazing. Lifted by incredible performances sounds. Highlights of the night screens to satisfy the masses with some releases even getting an Oscar (some of the best delivered by Firth and Rush, beautifully balanced by included the Silent Disco led nomination or twelve (The King’s Speech takes the crown on that one). Bonham-Carter), the emotional breadth of Tom Hooper’s direction and by guest DJ Lone Wolf and But if you’ve been living under a rock, or postponing your movie dates, the film’s visually resonant cinematography gives The King’s Speech the the Wildlife Photographer here’s a quick run down on the best films of the summer. divine right to Oscar nomination domination. of the Year exhibition. While opening night also featured a True Grit Black Swan performance from Bridezilla’s Westerns are making a comeback! Or at least I hope they will be if they If movies that involve dance are mostly cheesy flicks that overlook Daisy M. Miller, drag queen follow the same vein of originality and beauty that the Coen Brothers acting talent and the necessity of a plotline, Darren Aronofsky’s Black extraordinaire Maxi Shield as have given Charles Portis’ novel True Grit. With that Coen-esque Swan is a dark and intensely powerful exception. As Natalie Portman eccentricity and charming wit, True Grit follows a compelling story of performs with perfection, in a film that explores the destructive power of M.C., artworks created live by revenge, armed with ol’ Western violence, amazing performances (Jeff perfection, Black Swan dances on the lines between dream and reality, Brad Robson and installation Bridges and Hailee Steinfield deserve mention) and cinematography at balancing passion and psychological thrills with a style and technique that pieces by Eightfilters, each its best. most dance movies just can’t follow. Tuesday will feature different acts and entertainment amidst Catfish Tron the museum’s permanent There’s always a bit of uncertainty and caution when it comes to internet While more humour and a better story could have turned Tron Legacy collection. relationships. Catch one such online romance on film and you get the into an actual legacy for future sci-fi movies, you have to admit – it looks most unpredictable and interesting documentary to hit our screens this freakin’ AWESOME. With neon disks (a futuristic ultimate Frisbee?) used For more info head to: summer. Through the experiences of Nev Schulman, Ariel Schulman and to shatter opponents, ice-pixels in drinks, and Michael Sheen prancing Henry Joost, comes an interesting take on human relationships complete around with a cane… I don’t think too many people were disappointed. www.jurassiclounge.com 14 with complexity and surprisingly moving qualities. ON THE ROAD P Whenever I look at photos of my parents in the 1970s, I sigh with relief knowing that I never have to wear flare jeans or platform shoes. The revival of 70s fashion Jurassic on the 2011 Spring runways thus begs the question: why are we bringing back HALL st a look which will create an army of Ziggy Stardust impersonators? Don’t get me Lounge wrong, I loved Robert Plant in jeans so tight I could see the outlines of his crotch, I lusted after David Bowie in a sparkling polyester suit, Diane Keaton’s suits in Annie MONICA CONNORS spins the fossil record after hours. Hall are the outfits of every hipster’s dream – but on the runway? On mannequins? In my wardrobe? I’m not so sure. Unless you’re a security guard or a night prowler, you’ve The problem with 70s fashion is that it belongs in the 1970s: the decade was probably never seen inside about sticking it to The Man, pacifism and bluesy rock. Outside of campus, there a museum at night. Jurassic Lounge remedies this, giving aren’t many who will empathise. The kitsch hilarity of the 70s has no place on the crowds free reign to see inside tweens of 2011, who probably don’t know that flare jeans are not flattering on the Australian Museum’s huge anyone. The 70s renaissance (like the 80s of 2010) only leads us to question why range of animal, mineral and the 21st Century has been dedicated to bringing back bygone eras for us fossil collections every Tuesday to romanticise. But what’s the point of wearing a headscarf if you’re not night until April 19. The series of evening get-togethers going to be a part of mass political movement? Each week, Honi goes road trippin’ and takes to featuring different musicians, the streets of Sydney in search of adventure. This week, SHANNON CONNELLAN takes a wander artists, and filmmakers offers a When styling yourself 70s, remember that less is more: a peasant shirt and fresh way to see the museum. down the hall in Bondi Beach. maxi skirt looked fabulous on Stevie Nicks, but not many people can also Far from the fusty and boring The main promenade of Bondi, Campbell Parade is school-trips that we used to pull off crystal beads and chiffon. Take a little of the era but not a lot, so that heinous. An offensively-concrete abomination of fast make while at school, teachers you can shine on, you crazy diamond. food, overpriced swimwear and not-so-convenient and schoolbags are swapped stores. But woah there beachbound roadsters, we for martinis and torches to just need to turn these feet around and hang a DO: High waists, maxi skirts, bright colours, peasant blouses perpendicular right at the glass palace that is Ravesi’s explore the darker corners of Hotel, and wander down Hall Street for some the museum. unexpected Bondi bliss. DON’T: Flare jeans, hoop earrings, three-piece suits, rompers Queuing up to buy tickets in Coffee-wise, Hall Street is home to the better Bondi the foyer of the Australian baristas, with notable mentions going to Bondi/ Museum for the opening night Coogee institution Gusto, adorable café bookstore of Jurassic Lounge, I stood Gertrude & Alice and the always-packed Le Paris beneath a massive dinosaur Go for a decent espresso. Take a load off amongst skeleton. Its pointed white the Ray-Ban-clad trendies and whip out that teeth glared overhead and Penguin Classic, you’ve got yourself a coffee-stained offered a surreal start to the Bondi afternoon. evening. Only a few metres HONI Soitorialist Food-wise, Hall Street cafes and eatie-houses roam further inside the museum wildly within the $10-$20 mark for breakfast and there were more bare bones GABI EDELSTEIN gives the 70’s a good dressing-down. lunch, and if you’re in the mood for a combination on show than in the back rhubarb, granola, yoghurt combo, every café on this pages of WHO magazine. street will try to convince you they invented it. Further inside, the taxidermy exhibitions were more than For the page-turners, check out Zabriskie Booksellers before they sadly close this month. a little eerie in the dark and Lonely Planet has described this tiny store as having provided a surprising backdrop “more books than space”, so make sure you pay for couple fights and cocktails. them a visit for your beach reading material.
With live snake parades, The shady, laidback avenue that is Hall Street acrobats performing with LED rescues Bondi from its tendency toward lights, short films on show remaining a concrete Hades for fast food chains from the Kino Sydney collective and boogie board-filled souvenir shops. Be sure and a photo booth offering to take a stroll on your way to the waves and dress-ups, the inaugural you might be pleasantly surprised. night of Jurassic Lounge was an eclectic mix of sights and sounds. Highlights of the night
included the Silent Disco led the arts bit by guest DJ Lone Wolf and the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition. While opening night also featured a performance from Bridezilla’s Daisy M. Miller, drag queen extraordinaire Maxi Shield as M.C., artworks created live by Brad Robson and installation pieces by Eightfilters, each Fact Tuesday will feature different acts and entertainment amidst the museum’s permanent 34% of all bears are collection. Gummi bears. For more info head to: Pictured: Every Band www.jurassiclounge.com 15 S Gettin’ You Settled A QUEER CAMPUS Starting uni is an exciting and fun time, but it can be extremely overwhelming. NATHAN LI THE WHO’S Don’t worry though, you’re not alone! There’s plenty of help on offer if you need it, The Queer Action Collective WHO OF so don’t be afraid to ask. Here are some tips for first years, and a shout out to the wonderful counsellors at the SRC. The oldest of the Queer societies is the Queer O-WEEK Action Collective (QuAC). It’s the place to be NICK SIMONE CHLOE PAUL gives you a helping if you want to contribute to campaigning for or debating queer issues. QuAC meets every 1st years These bright eyed kids hand with all things new and shiny at uni. Monday in the Queerspace at 1pm to discuss are brimming with anticipation, Your first O-Week: Your first mid-semester break: the latest issues affecting our community – anxiousness and ATAR results. issues pertinent to the university, local and A 3-day pre-semester campus carnival. Join These are neither mid-semester, nor a break, Find them at introductory national communtities. QuAC’s not just about clubs, attend events and make new friends. for this supposed “holiday” tends to coincide lectures and the queues for 15 political activism - we also exist to give those Jumping in at the start of the year is way with … different societies. Ten of which of you who might be less comfortable with easier than getting involved later. Seriously. will be joined as a joke. Three of Your first essay/assignment/report/ being out and proud a secure community It will make university at least 7000 times which they will ever attend. One presentation: of friends. QuAC is starting the year off with better. of which may or may not be the Obviously, actually complete the task. a bang by organising a Cross-Campus Mardi knitting society. Your first lecture: Reconcile yourself to the fact that some of Gras float – so come sign on and join the fun! The things you need to know for your exam your socialising time must be devoted to [email protected] 2nd years The novelty of Uni won’t be contained in neat, clearly-worded researching and writing. An easy way to has worn off for second years. Board of Studies dot-point syllabuses. cope is to combine the two: study with your The Queer Convenors They’ll be taking advantage of Instead, they will be contained in chaotic, friend at one of the many university libraries O-Week giveaways and catching In 2011 the USyd Union has designed an rambling lectures that force you to dig for the and share your lunch break. Just make sure up with mates. Talk will be of extensive program for queers on campus. important bits. your lunch doesn’t turn into afternoon tea, which Asian/European countries Queer Conveners Jack Freestone and Ella then beers, then kebabs from King Street’s they visited during the summer Your first tutorial: Bailey will team up with Clubs and Societies Istanbul. holidays and of how silly it The purpose of tutorials is to give students to make sure that the diverse activities for was when they joined fifteen a chance to ask questions of the tutor, and Your first STUVAC: GLBT students are inclusive and accessible. societies the year prior. One of to promote discussion between students. Real name “Study Vacation.” A week without In semester one the conveners and the which may or may not have been In reality these usually involve one student lectures where you will learn 90% of your SRC will run a series of workshops entitled the knitting society. spending an hour on their soapbox in combat coursework. Be sure to claim a spot in ‘Identity.’ These discussion groups are fun and with the tutor. Don’t be that guy. the library early, pile your books high and informative and aim to provide support to any 3rd years Third years are out student who may be coming out or struggling Your first lab: download any/all information available on and about in numbers, either your course’s website, including lectures and with aspects of their sexuality. All welcome. Just like tutorials except you get to play because they thought uni recommended reading. Email Ella at [email protected] or started this week or they needed with exciting toys and wear a lab coat. Just Jack at [email protected] Your first university exams: an excuse to go to Manning or remember to wear closed in shoes on lab Shades Hermann’s. A select few are days: you don’t want to fail a course because Read the questions. Answer the questions. you couldn’t attend enough labs. Get to your assigned room early, as the exams running societies and trying to Shades throws creative and popular social will start right on time and there is nothing convince first years to join. One Your first club event: events for GLBT students and their straight worse than walking into a huge hall of people of the guilty may or may not be Remember those clubs you signed up for friends. We team up with the best celebs, doing exams late. Believe me - I know. the knitting society. in O-Week? They are probably sending you DJs, venues, brands and publications to emails right now letting you know about their Your first university holidays: deliver a unique experience totally dedicated 4th years Are well and truly events. Go to these. They usually involve free Congratulations, you made it! Enjoy four to helping GLBT and GLBT friendly students orientated and thus aren’t on food or alcohol and most of the events early weeks of freedom, rest and relaxation. Now meet and party together. campus. Find them at the ‘Heaps in the year have a “getting to know you” type you never have to study again! At least, that’s Free’ stall, stocking up on Mi Queer Revue Society vibe. until ... Goreng and rolling their own on the lawns. Your first university friends: Your first second semester: The Queer Revue is an annual comedy There are a few ways to get these: one way After all this of course comes your first second sketch show featuring acting, singing and 5th years +This motley crew of is to hijack an existing group (usually through semester, your first VERGE festival, your first dancing, produced and performed by queer uni veterans, post grads and joining a club they are in), another is to form revue season and your first panicked “the and queer-friendly students. Showcase your mature age students probably a “study” group with people from one of your jacarandas are blooming and I haven’t started creative talents and meet a bunch of great didn’t even bother to show up. classes. Make sure you seek new faces: you studying why does stuvac go so fast?!!” people along the way! O PAGE Too busy livin’ lives in the ‘real rd really don’t want to get to 3 year and not moment. But no need to worry! By second For any general queries email Nathan at world,’ whatever that means. know anyone who didn’t go to high school semester, you’ll be a pro. Get involved, keep [email protected] or leave a with you. busy, work hard. message with the SRC at 9660-5222.
You are not alone. ANONYMOUS writes about mental illness and getting help. When I ate as a bulimic the food didn’t taste like anything. Sometimes I would force Going to the University Counselling Service is the bravest and best thing I’ve done down dinner in front of friends to try and convince them that I was normal.; other in my life. The staff are helpful, friendly, discreet and professional. I tried a walk-in times I would gorge myself alone in a mindless, all-consuming rush, watching my session and that day I could cry without vomiting, talk about my grief and stress, get hands blur as I crammed more and more into my mouth, struggling to swallow and an idea of what I was doing; what I really was. I could get to the knotty emotions chew. Either way, it was all the same. Flavour wasn’t a concept for me anymore. that twisted up my entire body as I stood over toilets or bins or piles of vomit in the Food became a source of shame, a struggle to get through and an inevitable middle of back alleys. I’m scared I’ve dramatized this whole thing too much; I don’t disappointment during purge after purge. My gag reflex slowly wore away: I’d thrust want this to be lurid or gonzo or noir or any of those sexy HSC words. All I want to say my fingers down my throat for what felt like hours, dredging up half-recognizable is if you feel the same way there is someone here who can help you. They’re easily pieces of flotsam and jetsam from my gut while my eyes stung with tears. found and they don’t cost anything. I want you to know that they took in a boy who Sometimes I would have a clean hand to wipe them away with and sometimes I felt like a worthless piece of shit, who harmed himself because fuck knows why, and wouldn’t. turned out someone who smiles just because.
I’m writing this because mental illness is ugly. It’s all-consuming and venomous. It can I don’t cry on buses any more. gradually infect everything in your life until you can’t think of a family dinner when you wouldn’t excuse yourself to the bathroom, dry-retch into the bowl, and listen to Please understand, I am not writing this anonymously because I’m ashamed of your parents’ footsteps above you. It’s a terrible thing for anyone to live under. what I was. Before, I was terrified of all those things that stop so many people from seeking treatment. I was scared of being treated like a victim, handled with kid For a time I defined myself as bulimic. I wasn’t a person; I was a bulimic. I wasn’t gloves, called “crazy”. But my counsellor cured me of that; of being afraid to talk to a man; I was a bulimic (a quick Google shows that one in ten of those who suffer a stranger or a friend. I am no longer a bulimic. I’m proud to be recovering. I don’t eating disorders are male; it’s nice to be special). Everything I had was covered by an want to dwell on the past and I don’t want my parents, my friends and my colleagues uncaring, unlovable, unshakeable fog. I’m writing this because I know many people, to define me as someone who suffered because I’m now much more than that. too many people (fuck, one is too many) are going to be coming to university this year suffering like I was. Struggling with feelings of isolation and worthlessness, Counselling and Psychological Services (CAPS) has locations on both Camperdown thoughts of suicide and self-harm, cutting, hurting, binging, purging, all the rest, all and Cumberland campuses on Level 5 of the Jane Foss Russell Building. Services the shit no-one should ever go through but so many do. are free for enrolled students and appointments are 25 to 50 minutes and can be 16 booked in person or by telephone (8627 8433 or 8627 8437). V WARNING STUDENT Accommodation Scams Students are being targeted by people pretending to be landlords. Students are told to transfer money via Western Union or into bank accounts when students SAFETY TIPS have not visited the accommodation. The “landlords” say they are overseas and cannot meet. Some students have lost thousands of dollars. Here are some tips for you to stay safe on campus. • DO NOT transfer money via Western Union or into a bank account to a 1. Take responsibility for your own actions and don’t put yourself or others at risk person you have not met in person of injury or illness. • DO NOT transfer money for accommodation you have not visited 2. When walking around the University watch out for traffic, use designated road • DO NOT sign contracts for accommodation you have not visited crossings and don’t be distracted by your mobile phone, iPod, iPhone or other • DO NOT provide a copy of your passport, or unnecessary personal mobile device. information such as your date of birth or passport details 3. Avoid isolated areas. Use preferred pedestrian routes and familiarise yourself • DO NOT provide your bank account details with Help Points (emergency telephones) at your campus. These are shown on the • ALWAYS get receipts for money you pay for your accommodation University Guide Maps. • If your landlord threatens to report you to immigration about payment of 4. Don’t come to University if you are sick. If you become unwell while at the rent or fines, do not be scared, they usually cannot. University use good cough etiquette, wash your hands frequently and seek • To report a scam and for advice and legal help please contact: medical attention. SRC (for undergraduates): [email protected] 5. If you have a medical condition that could impact on your health or safety SUPRA (for postgraduates): [email protected] while at the University, you should disclose this to relevant staff members so that If the rent seems too good to be true, then it probably is. On average you should appropriate first aid can be provided. If you are concerned about your privacy talk expect to pay approximately $180-$200 per week for one bedroom in a share to SRC Help first. house, more if you live on your own. 6. Some areas of the University pose specific risks to health and safety. These are Students should arrange short-term temporary accommodation for their arrival in Sydney. signposted and should not be entered unless you have been inducted to the area or are supervised by relevant staff. Details of local temporary accommodation: www.usyd.edu.au/current_students/accommodation/casual.shtml 7. Follow local department rules, established safe work practices and reasonable Guidelines on looking for accommodation: directions from staff. Ask questions if you’re not sure about the safety aspects of www.usyd.edu.au/current_students/accommodation/international_students. proposed activities. shtml 8. Be prepared to act independently in an emergency, warn others who may be This warning message is brought to you by services supporting International Students at the University of Sydney in danger and report emergencies to Security by calling 9351 3333. If a building alarm is sounding leave via the closest safe exit. Accommodation Service: www.usyd.edu.au/current_students/accommodation/ 9. If you are a local student and feel stressed or just need some support, contact ISSU: www.usyd.edu.au/stuserv/issu the University Counselling Service for free and confidential assistance on 8627 SRC: www.src.usyd.edu.au SUPRA: www.supra.usyd.edu.au 8433. International Student Support Unit provides a separate counselling service IO: www.usyd.edu.au/io for international students and can be contacted on 8627 8437. 10. Report incidents, hazards and other safety concerns to relevant local staff, Security on 9351 3487 or the Occupational Health and Safety Unit on 9351 4335. ASK
ABE Dear Abe, I am just about to start my degree at Sydney Uni. I am staying with my Q & A with students auntie until I can find something who need help and a more permanent. I am finding it very dog who has all the difficult to find a place I can afford or to find a place that will accept an answers. . . application from me. Do you have Send your letters to: any suggestions? [email protected] Moving In
Dear Moving In, Living in Sydney is difficult to do. Accommodation is either ridiculously expensive or ridiculously bad. Unfortunately there is little that the SRC can do to help you find cheap accommodation. You can contact the University’s accommodation service, check local newspapers, browse the internet, and check out notice boards in local cafés for reasonably priced accomodation. We also recommend that you read the Accommodation Check List and the article on this page on avoiding scams. We can provide you with help with your contract, advice on your rights as a tenant, and how to access services such as bond assistance and rent assistance. Good luck with your studies. Abe SRC HELP & LEGAL Contact SRC HELP If you are not on main phone: (02) 9660 5222 email: [email protected] campus contact SRC www.src.usyd.edu.au Level 1, Wentworth Building on: 0466 169 664 17 V Donherra Walmsley [email protected] PRESIDENT’S REPORT twitter: @srcpresident
Hey there! Happy O-Week! lobbies the Government – both state to have input from students. Not only and federal – to affect change on issues that, it provides an excellent distraction If you’re a new student, welcome to important to students, for example during boring lectures. Not that the what is arguably the finest tertiary income support (Youth Allowance, SRC would suggest reading during your education institution in the land: Austudy, Abstudy, Rent Assistance). lectures, that would be irresponsible. a magical Hogwarts-esque place The many and varied office bearers Honi also has a website, which started where the buildings are sandstone elected by Council each year also up last year and will continue to be castles steeped with learning, the run campaigns around a multiplicity developed further this year, so check it technology is largely still stuck in of issues from climate change to out. We also publish a number of other the middle ages, and some of the women’s rights to quality of education things over the course of the year, such academics have a distinctly wizardly to international student rights to… as the Counter Course Handbook, O air. Seriously though, Sydney the list goes on. Most of these officers Week Handbook, International Student’s University is a great place to be a also run collectives, which are a great Handbook, and Growing Strong, a uni student, not just because of the way of getting involved with the SRC feminist publication. A lot of students pretty grounds and the proximity of and working to shape change on issues have invested a lot of time and energy in Newtown/Glebe, but because we you’re passionate about. The collectives these various publications, so I definitely have the best campus life going, and generally meet weekly – for more info, recommend having a look at them – I really encourage you to make the check out the stalls during O-Week, or there are a plenty of handy hints and most of it. have a look at our website. tips about surviving uni and making the If you’re a returning student – most of your time here in them. Advocacy – we have four full time welcome back, and if you haven’t caseworkers who are available to help Second Hand Bookshop – this one’s been involved in the SRC before, why you out with everything from Centrelink pretty self explanatory: sell your books not give it a go this year? and tenancy issues, through to special when you’re done with them and you The two biggest national issues facing students this year are the Base Funding But what is the SRC? In case consideration, academic appeals and get some sweet sweet cash. Buy your Review, and the Student Services and you haven’t read/heard the showing cause. Basically if you’re having textbooks at our bookshop and you’ll be Amenities Fee. The Base Funding Review spiel before, I’ll explain. The SRC a problem either at university or outside able to get them cheap. Everybody wins. (BFR), is, as the name suggests, a review (Students’ Representative Council) of it, the caseworkers can generally You’ll find us on Level 4 of Wentworth. of the way in which higher education is the representative body for all help – if they can’t, they’ve got heaps of The SRC also works with the National is funded, and is looking at things such undergraduates here at USyd (if contacts so they’ll be able to put you in Union of Students on campaigns around as the level of funding provided by the you’re a post-grad and you’ve touch with someone who can. This year state and federal government policies. government, the amount of money picked up this paper, SUPRA’s the we’re also providing free legal advice The National Union of Students (NUS) generated through student fees, and organisation for you, though they through the SRC Legal Service (or SLS if is our national voice: the National what principles should govern how don’t have an Honi equivalent - you’re an acronym addict like me). We President and National Education this operates. More on this in my next unlucky). What we do can be broken have a full time solicitor who is available Officer spend a lot of time in Canberra report, but the SRC and NUS believe down into a few different categories. to provide you with legal advice on a lobbying politicians to get outcomes whole range of issues for FREE. (Did that the government should increase for students on things such as income Representation – every year in I mention it’s free?) So if you’re in funding to higher education by 10%, as support; National Office also provides September, elections are held for trouble, the SRC is usually a pretty recommended by the Bradley Review support and information for campuses the position of President (that’s helpful place to go. in 2008, and that student fees should me!), 33 councillors, 7 delegates on important policies and issues, for NOT increase. I’m running out of to the National Union of Students Publications – OMG YOU’RE HOLDING example the Base Funding Review; words, so I’ll leave the SSAF for another (more on that later), and up to 10 ONE RIGHT NOW! The SRC publishes and they help campus activists run report – there are opinion pieces on Honi Soit editors. The President, who Honi Soit (the awesome thing you’re campaigns. Just like the SRC, NUS also the SSAF elsewhere in Honi, so if you’re is answerable to the Council, runs reading) which is actually the ONLY has a number of specific office bearers, interested, check them out. the organisation, and it is primarily weekly student newspaper in the like Women’s, Indigenous, Ethno- Enjoy O-Week, good luck in your studies, the President who sits on all the ENTIRE country. Ok so those sentences Cultural, Queer, Environment, Small and make the most of the vibrant University boards and committees had a lot of capitals, but seriously, it’s and Regional, International Students, campus life available here at Sydney to make sure there’s a student pretty exciting. Honi is a great place and Welfare. All these National Office Uni! voice being heard in the decision to get your ideas heard by writing in a Bearers work with and support their making process. The President also letter or writing a pitch for an article campus counterparts on campaigns – our friendly editors are always keen specific to their departments.
The Students’ Representative Council (SRC) Legal Service has a solicitor on campus to provide free legal advice, representation in court and referral to undergraduate students at Sydney University. We can assist you with:
src Appointments • Family law (advice only) • Consumer complaints Phone the SRC Offi ce to make an appointment 9660 5222 • Criminal law • Victims compensation Drop-in sessions Tuesdays & Thursdays 1pm-3pm (no need for an appointment) • Traffi c offences • Discrimination and harassment Location • Insurance law • Tenancy law Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney • Domestic violence • Administrative law (government etc) Level 1 Wentworth Bldg, Uni of Sydney • Employment law • University complaints 02 9660 5222 | www.src.usyd.edu.au • Credit & debt • Other general complaints ACN 146 653 143
Note: The solicitor cannot advise on immigration law but can refer you to migration agents and community centres. For Family The SRC’s operational costs, space and administrativeve 18 Law and Property Relationships Act matters we can refer you to solicitors who charge at a fair rate. support are fi nanced by the University of Sydney. V
GENERAL SECRETARY’S [email protected] Hi! My name is Chad Sidler and I am Vice-President, General Secretary and between those of different faiths and your General Secretary for 2011. I would five general members. The executive those with none at all. The Social Justice like to welcome you to the University of is responsible for the day-to-day Officer attempts to fight for social Sydney. This fine establishment is the operations of the SRC and is responsible justice starting at the university level. number one university in the country. for making a wide range of decisions The Director of Finance is tasked with This is of course regardless of anything including those related to finance. As scrutinising our organisations finances ANU might try and tell you… General Secretary I am tasked with and the Director of Operations hopes to ensuring we run a budget surplus. It make our organisation as effective and If you are reading this it is because you is my job to listen to all requests for efficient as possible. These positions have made the wise decision to pick funding and to make decisions on behalf help to fill some of the gaps in our up a copy of Honi Soit, the number one of the executive as whether to approve SRC as well as set the foundation for student run publication in Australia. the funding requests or to reject them. organisational change. Usually the Every week you will be able to read the Apart from my financing roles I also SRC publishes three handbooks each report of myself and of Dee, our SRC act as the central contact for all office year—The Counter Course Handbook, President as well as a rotating selection bearers, departments and collectives. The O-Week Handbook and the Growing of reports from our various departments If anyone needs help with carrying out Strong Handbook. This year we decided and office bearers. their duties then I am there for them. to publish an International Students Handbook and it looks like it will be well Each week I will brief you on my In the past two months I have already received. I hope you enjoy our three activities as well as provide you with helped in implementing changes to the 2011 handbooks – the Counter Course my “pun of the week”. Being the first SRC. I have overseen the introduction HB, the International Students HB and O-Week Pun of the Week: A small boy edition of the year I will give you a short of new positions such as the Interfaith this O-Week HB. I recommend you visit swallowed some coins and was taken overview of my role at the SRC and what Officer, the Social Justice Officer, our O-Week stall and pick up a show to a hospital. When his grandmother I have worked to achieve so far this year. Director of Operations and the Director bag, which contains our handbooks. telephoned to ask how he was a nurse of Finance. The Interfaith Officers said ‘No change yet’. As General Secretary I sit on the SRC attempt to create a harmonious executive. This is made up of eight environment that fosters relations individuals comprising the President,
EDUCATION OFFICERS’ REPORT [email protected] The start of Semester 1 is an excellent start of Semester is an optimistic economically and environmentally So, slap on some sunscreen, bring some time to be a student – you are spoiled investment at best. We all know that the preferable option, we think it should be friends to line up with, and fill in one with choice for clubs and societies, pages are far from well-thumbed come open to students. of our surveys to help out your fellow everyone is trying to shove free booze the exam-time cram. students! down your throat, you have a hot- The SRC Education Department will be off-the-press fresh Honi Soit in your On top of all this, there is a legitimate running a survey in the first couple of Enjoy O-Week! Happy queueing! case to be made that requiring weeks of semester about the ways that hands, and no boring class work to take Tim Matthews and Al Cameron up valuable time that you could be students to pay for readers and students use and access course readers. spending lounging around on the lawns. text books is actually illegal under Another ritual for USyd students at this the Commonwealth Grant Scheme time of year is the marathon line outside Guidelines (Para 12.5.1 for those playing Co-Op and Copy Centre for readers and at home). These guidelines suggest that text books. Universities may not charge fees for any material that is ‘essential’ to a course. Readers and text books are a significant The way that the uni gets around this investment for all students at this time requirement is that a copy of each of year. Unless you are lucky enough reader is provided in the library, so they to befriend someone who has already claim that you are being charged for ‘an done a course, and have selected one of alternative form…of access to a…service the few courses that don’t make you buy that is an essential component of the an absurd new edition each year (“they course.’ What codswallop. changed the page numbering this time, I swear!”), you will be smacked with the We believe that course readers should full cost of these materials. Stop and be made available online to all students. think – how much do you actually spend Sure, some people enjoy the giddy each semester on readers? Students thrill of freshly printed readers, or the who have undertaken this ritual before joyous occasion of the long line from will know that buying readers at the Copy Centre to Wentworth, but as an DISABILTY OFFICERS’ REPORT [email protected]
Hey all! And welcome to uni, whether pop by the SRC Disabilties Tent, have this is your first week ever, or just your something to eat, something to drink, first week back. Emily, Daniel and myself have a chat. We will be at the Gadigal (the infamous Sushi, or just Jo) would Lawns, between Wentworth and the Co- like to use this space to let you know op Book Shop, all O-Week. we are here to help you with all your But if you miss us, or can’t find us, don’t disability concerns and queries. If you worry - drop by the Gadigal lawns on are not sure how to go about registering Wednesday the 2nd March from 1-3pm, with the Disabilities Services Unit, if you
or just drop us an email on disabilities. src don’t know whether you should, or if Get involved! [email protected]. If you can’t you just want to meet other people at find us and are lost, just give us a call uni who have similar issues to you; we MEET YOUR COLLECTIVES AT SRC O WEEK STALLS on 0433 345 365 and our concierge will are here! assist you. OR JOIN US BY BECOMING A MEMBER TODAY! Navigating university is tricky enough, it can be even harder to students with Josephine Maguire-Rosier disabilities. We are here to try and help you through that. So during O-Week www.src.usyd.edu.au 19 D CRYPToNOMiCON ACROSS! DOWN! 1. Built, for short, in silver, apparently, by 1. Mob hiding redtop vehicle gave up CRYPTIC CROSSWORD cartoon cat (9) page (7) BENNY MF DAVIS 6. Appear to 1-across as a motif (5) 2. Wild cats took limbs (5) 9. Recycle/reuse brim to repay (9) 3. Ash to recall band leaving (5) 10. Greek Island harboured comic or 4. Anger in Eliot fades (5) funny man (5) 5. Great barrier, for one, about the fifth 11. Healthy squeeze (3) letter (4) 12. SS tears apart holds (7) 6. Attached report of diplomacy (4) 13. Is a mount even filth? (4) 7. Listen to a Cockney with this? (3) 17. Percussion instrument to 1-across 8. Belt line heard a leveller… (7) was used for stitching (7) 14. ...is to eat Edvard? (5) 21. 1-across’s wrong-doer was a stripper! 15. Endless state to go ASAP (4) (7) 16. Trim in item of revealing garment! (4) 22. Paper Planes singer in absentia? (3) 18. Smite damaged articles (5) 23. 1-across’ elixir provides proof (7) 19. Incinerate and behead ash vessel (4) 24. 1-across’ cutter to go that way (7) 20. Period character took the lid off a 26. America in back to eject (4) problem? (4) 27. Patted one who had a neurological 23. 1-across’s type pondered (7) crisis? (7) 25. Der spider? (7) 30. Cry, you son of a bitch! (3) 27. Butcher meat on sill (5) 32. Visitor estimated out loud (5) 28. I nary miss this weather?! (5) 34. Actor who played The Hulk introduced himself poorly, without being 29. Neo-player of potassium to online started, and yielded US culture! (9) university (5) 35. 1-across’s Air on a G-String? (5) 30. Cattle’s last unchained party? (4) 36. Silly to avoid a cartoon bird (5, 4) 31. Cried loudly about being hairless (4) 33. Begone, hide yourself! (3) PsEudoku TARGET t c a c p s e l i
Rating: Medium rare. fun
20 The Garter Press GUARANTEED FOR YOUR BACK TO FLOOD PROOF FREE SHARK SCHOOL EDITION* SPECIAL
*Void if paper touches water, air, human flesh, or is ever looked at. See the mangled remains of your newsagent. What new dirty words do your kids need to know?
MUBARAK NEWS INVENTED! ANNOUNCES Eliza Miwork All’s fair in love and War Correspondent CANDIDACY
The Garter Press is pleased to announce FOR EGYPTIAN the invention of a new kind of business: The business of “news.” PRESIDENCY
The invention of news by The Garter’s Aziz Little War Criminal/Correspondent own Reginald P. Duke is expected to make shockwaves the world over. In a statement released Thursday, “It’s like a story but it happened!” said “Egyptian Leader” Honsi Mubarak has Duke, of the concept of news. “It’s announced his candidacy for the 2011 like – things happen and we say that Egyptian Presidency. they happen so you know that they happened.” Mubarak made his speech in downtown The Garter Press, formerly Old Man Cairo to a crowd of over 3.4 million Garter’s Delicious Baked Treats, was people. Unfortunately, no supporters quick to pounce on the new invention, were present. promising to deliver the most delicious The embattled leader is running on a baked news-treats available on the ticket of Mubarak/Mubarak, asking in market. his statement “Why mess with a winning Whoever ends up being right, the one “We will have people reporting on These claims were dismissed as formula that refuses to admit that not thing that is indisputable is that we at the events of each day, and these confusing. only is it not winning but that the game The Garter Press are right and Margaret reporting-people will send their reports ended weeks ago?” “Just the sheer applications of news Trench is wrong. Also, as we do not of what they reported on and they will are incredible,” newsographer Francis plan to add any ethics laws relating to Mubarak is quietly confident of his be added to our weekly news-report. Breach commented, “you could topple the concept of news, The Garter Press chances, saying “If each person actively So, appropriately, we will name these governments, strengthen governments, wishes to add that Margaret Trench is protesting my leadership were to vote reporting-people ‘Whizdoodles!’” show opinion polls about governments. wanted for war crimes committed in for my leadership we’d wrap this up in The invention of news was not without Anything is possible!” Cambodia in the 1980s. a day.” controversy though, with some However, newsologist Margaret The Garter Press, in a statement Mubarak, 82, has claimed that despite critics claiming that at the time of Trench disagrees, “News is a worthless released right here and right now, his age he will remain in office for his full invention there actually was no news resource. It’s a fad that will be over in promises to deliver to you, the reading term “whether the people like it or not.” to be invented and furthermore that the week. I suspect the Sunday edition public, the most up to date “news” of the invention of news was the first will be much smaller than the rest of things that happen from both home and newsworthy thing to happen and so the week as reporters realise they’ve around the block. news could not be invented until it was completely run out of stories.” already invented. INSIDE
GIRL LIKES BOY OFFICIAL EXPOSÉ ON RIOTS IN TUNISIA EGYPT Boy has allegedly been hurt before, but “I really, really like her,” Boy said, “but Mark Dolphrey BAHRAIN CANADA Happiness Correspondent in a statement released Thursday after a I’m not sure how she feels.” Rogue Prime Minister douses impolite third drink, he declared himself willing to “I - I do. I like him. I really like him. Oh crowd with maple syrup. Recent reports indicate that girl might try again because girl is so very special. wow, that’s the first time I’ve ever said P.4 actually really, really like boy, fulfilling all “You just- it’s - it’s amazing,” the that out loud.” of boy’s dreams. statement read, “She’s just - look, right, A press conference has been scheduled PREMIER KENEALLY Expert analysis suggests that after initial she’s around and I’m happy. That’s all it by Girl to take place on Thursday at the ATTACKS LIBERAL doubts, it is entirely possible that boy is. I just hope I can have the same effect park by the lake. It is suspected that OPPOSITION has grown on girl to the point that girl on her.” Boy, being the only one in attendance, With a big stick! No real effect on Polls. might be willing to admit that she likes will be informed of Girl’s reassessment P.15 boy as well. In a rare interview Girl admitted that Boy was “really sweet” and admitted in a regarding the liking of Boy. “It might have been that kiss on the first for Girl that he “seems to really care It is believed that Boy will then proceed cheek he gave her, or just the attentive about [her].” NRL STAR SIGNS to smile and might even kiss girl for listening. We may never know,” said a WITH SHARKS the first time ever. A single-word joint mutual friend of boy and girl, “I’m just However, Girl was heard to say that statement will then be released. Has ‘had enough’ of ‘human’ sports. glad that she is starting to think she she “wasn’t really special” contrary to P. 34 reports released at 3pm, 4pm, 4:30 pm might actually like him.” “Wow.” and 4:45pm by Boy. Opinion The Garter Press
Julian Assange The C.I.A Exposer of Secrets Should WikiLeaks be shut down? Defender of Secrets [Some of the CIA’s response has been XXXXXXXXX which of XXXXX a wild camel that WikiLeaks represents The reaction to “Cable- journalism in the world deemed classified been edited out - Ed.] course meant that XXXX needs to be fed! journalism like no other. gate” is evidence of today and should be The reasons for the X XXXXXXX XXX XX Never before have we had how WikiLeaks has the protected and praised. immediate termination of XXXXX had to be shot Obviously, XXXX such unrestricted access biggest, most powerful the criminal WikiLeaks and XXXXX XXXXX XX XXXX XXXXXX into the behind-the-curtain organisations in the world Any citizen of the world webpage are threefold. XXXX XXX implanted XXXXXXX because workings of the major running scared. who believes in freedom into the body of Nicolas those filthy Spaniards XX institutions that run our of speech, truth and Firstly, it is clear to any Sarkozy. XXXX XXXX XXXX world. WikiLeaks has helped justice should look upon reasonable observer XXXXXXXX XXX and spark revolutions. It has WikiLeaks as a great of world events that XXXXXXX in Tel Aviv now we can’t find Atlantis. This is the information the exposed corruption and achievement for life the Wikileaks’ reveal of goes to show that XXXX public deserved to know hypocrisy. It has held the world over. XXXXXXXX allowed XXXXXXXX in these In conclusion, but before WikiLeaks never world accountable for their for the endangerment of troubled times. The XXXXXXX XXXXXXX could dream of knowing. misdeeds. Any termination of Colonel XXXXXXX’s world has seen that when will never see the light This is how we keep the Wikileaks would be an act operation in XXXX. XXXXXX XX XXXX of day or else we will people we elect honest. WikiLeaks is the most of aggression against the This lead to XXX XXXX then XXXXXXX XXX XX XXX XXXXX This is how we keep them important form of very concept of truth. XXXXXXX and the and all of a sudden and then you’re all in big to their words. now well documented XXXXXX XX XXXX trouble.
But i do love her because an eagle flies I’ll happily sit The Hard Line mummy tells me to. The Katter’s them down and say to them “Look into my eyes, this is With Rocky P. Duke The world needs a mummy out of the where the rocket lands” Son of the Owner of to look after it sometimes The Garter Press. when it scrapes its knee bag Sometimes when your Aged 5. and sometimes give it an back is up against the iceblock when it has been A Time For Mateship wall you realise that what extra good. Also Mummy you thought was a wall is p-p-Palestine/Isreali Daddy said that when he is good at hugs and maybe All these people who don’t it makes sense for him to actually a brown snake who conflict. made a paper I would get the world is getting a big know have been coming build a treehouse and tell just wants a bit of grub. to write about my stories hug because Daddy says it down and asking me “Bob, his father that the time has That’s what this country Palestine is all mad and and everyone would have is getting warmer. what’s the go with these come to take the dog off was built on. to read them because they stuff ‘cause Israel won’t floods, right?” his leash and ride the wave share and my mummy would be so good and now If it was up to me I would into tomorrow. All in all, if we just started says I should share with daddy has a paper and I say that Israel and Palestine It seems to this one talking a bit of sense about Sarah even though she is a cried until daddy said I should all just get along like observer that the time When it comes to these this we could have turned stinkyface. If I had tanks could so now I can write Sarah and I do but if they has come to hitch your flood levies all I can say is a catastrophe into a Katter- i would totally send them this. can’t do that then I say they cart to the season and try that back in Flinders when tastrophe. We need to sit after Sarah and they would should play a game of stuck and keep the pirates from we can see that the cook down as a family and ask go all pew-pew-booooom! I wanted to write about in the mud and whoever taking over the restaurant. is coming with tonight’s Dad to pass the potatoes. my favourite red truck but loses has to give the holy chow we settle down into It’s the only way we’ll see But maybe they really like daddy said that if I was in land to the other for a week Simply put, when a man the couch, put our right real electoral reform in this each other because I love his paper I would have to and then they all play again. falls in love with what hand on the bible and country. write about the biiiig issues. Sarah. She is a stinkyface That is how I would do he considers to be the give the wheel a spin. If Super big ones. So, Daddy though. And she should things. greatest bread and jam these people want me to said I should write about give me back my legos. roll this side of Tuebrook tell them the way which The Back Page The Garter Press
CLASSIFIEDS LOST MARRIAGES CAREERS
PUBLIC NOTICE: Elise, I love THE GAME: Sorry guys, I just ARMAGENODOS THE WALK AND BE PAID: Want to you. Please, marry me! What? lost The Game. You know, that INVINCIBLE was married get fit and earn money? We need COLUMN∞ I’m just writing a - No don’t 1997 film with Michael Douglas? today, age indeterminate. He will people to walk (into battle) and look - okay - What do you mean be loved. be paid (substatially less then you “I think this Assange fella should be The C.I.A no? How could you - No. Yes I LOST: Dog sign. Got the dog think you’d be paid for walking locked up!” says Terry Shore, “Locked do have to keep writing. WELL back, but the sign’s missing, into battle). 1800-ARMY up in a big pile of smiles!” That doesn’t MAYBE I WILL STILL SEND and it cost me $20 to laminate ENGAGEMENTS sound like a reputable high security IT IN, ELISE! MAYBE I WILL! at Officeworks. Call Steve, DELIVERY BOY: It’s like a facility, Terry. 0142876204. midwife but for pizza! Also, for MARY AND PAUL are the occasional baby. 33118769 A slight correction to our “Which
FOR SALE LOOKING FOR DANIEL: very happy to announce their eggs are the best?” debate. Simon from He’s my brother, and he’s older engagement! Riverwood writes “Technically, eggs than me. He still feels the pain MOLLUSC-THEMED WANTED come from chickens. Not dark wizards.” of scars that won’t heal. His eyes LISA AND EDWARD are SAILBOAT EQUIPMENT: have died, but he sees more than somewhat happy to announce Four sails for sale for sailing with James Blake from Woy Woy takes on I, because he’s a star in the face their engagement. BRING ME: The head snails on the sails. This sale is our controversial “Presidents as Dogs” of the sky. of El Mutamba. Preferably unassailable! 0435235121 DONALD AND RITA have challenge saying “If I was Abraham attached to the body of El mixed feelings about announcing Labrador I would sign the Alsatian Mutamba. We have dinner MY SOUL: Will trade for wicked DEATHS their engagement. proclamation and free all the Silkinese!” plans. guitar skills. 47238241 Good on you, James. SANDRA AND TREVOR FOR SALE: I know we haven’t ARMAGENODOS THE A MARTYR: or a Farda feel obliged to announce their James Blake again from Woy Woy “I spoken in a while Sale but I really INVINCIBLE died today, aged to call from Camp Grenada. engagement but have no real hope Alexander Hamster won’t be mad!” miss you. Call me when you get 36. He will be missed. Yup. This ad cost me 75 desire to do so. Hamsters aren’t dogs, James. Alexander home. Love, Bargain dollars. Hamilton was never president and ELISE: Will you marry me? RATS: I have a lot of rat Hamsters aren’t dogs. You are wrong MY LEFT FOOT: On Dvd. BIRTHS Yes, I’m trying again. WELL I traps and nothing to catch twice. My foot on a DVD. It’s a good THINK IT WAS WORTH A in them except tiny people. foot. The DVD is Waterworld. SHOT! DAMMIT, ELISE! I ARMAGENODOS THE Tiny, screaming, bloody “When the moon is full,” writes Keith 0404999123 STILL LOVE YOU! YOU’RE INVINCIBLE was reborn from people. Will also buy from Cronulla, “I like to take a cup of ONE HELL OF A WOMAN. MY BODY: not the one I’m in. his ashes today, aged 0. He will memory-cleanser. tea, sit on the porch and just think about I killed a guy. Immediate sale. be feared. the world.” Good to know, Keith! The Love so long, I fear we might them to break out into a On the topic of flying Greg from have become bored with disfiguring rash! Stanmore adds “I can fly sometimes when I really really believe in myself.” Surgeon each other. We don’t wish You’re a liar, Greg. to call it quits just yet, so Love Surgeon, help me we’re looking to you for out. Please - I have an “I think Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton Doctor of the Love-Heart help. Can you oblige us? acute burning sensation is a good song” writes Gerald Panch of -Susan, WA in my gut, and I’ve been Revesby, “but Hey Jude is also a good song.” You have given us a lot to think Dear Love Surgeon, I equinox, then slice it into throwing up constantly. about, Gerald. think I have a crush on four pieces with a knife Susan, I diagnose you I’m scared. I’m really my boyfriend’s brother. forged from undiluted and your beloved with scared.. Steven - NSW Robbie Trunch of Paddington writes I’m fighting with my silver, before burning the a lack of spice in the “My local church tragically lost the boyfriend a lot- should slices under the light of bedroom! Many couples Oh, Steven. I just don’t entire clergy after a bad bit of fusilli” Sounds like you’ll need a new pastor! I just risk it all by a gibbous moon. That’ll try alternative forms of know what that has to do dumping him and going cure your cough! lovemaking to keep things with love. “A cat literally had my tongue for his brother? Help fresh; what I recommend yesterday,” writes Kerry from Glendale, appreciated- Mark, NSW Dear Love Surgeon, I have is for you is to go out Well, that’s all we’ve “a big bobcat came down and gave me a a crush on my teacher. during a lunar eclipse got space for this week. kiss. It’s okay though. I’m also a cat.” Well, Mark, yours is a What should I do? and harvest three chillies Don’t hesitate to send in situation I don’t envy. of the Tanglethorn Vale. any and all love queries Don’t despair, however! Cut your thumb off! Cut them very finely, and to me, along with your NEXT WEEK The Love Surgeon has just spread them all over your Medicare card and a list the remedy for what’s Dearest Love Surgeon, sheets. If this doesn’t of all the symptoms. ailin’ ya! First, pick an my husband and I have spice things up in the QATAR “MISPLACED” apple on the first day of been having difficulties. UN Secretary General swears it bedroom, it will certainly was here a minute ago. the first week after the Having been married for inflame them and cause
KATHARINE HEPBURN DIES Again. The Garter Press wishes to downplay any alleged relationship with USYD FACEBOOK ALSO HACKED Ciaran Magee, Reportedly ‘Loves dick’.
Nick Findlater, BAHRAIN REVOLTS Tom Walker, Julian First volt “insufficient” Larnach and James Colley SURVIVING YOUR FIRST WEEK BACK We’re just friends. How to win friends and avoid wolves.