Noel Gallagher Meets Tim Jonze
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“ I’ve got one fatal fl aw in my perfect makeup as a human being. I never forgive Noel Gallagher meets Tim Jonze Monday 05/08/19 Four pages of wellbeing! Rhik Samadder, how to say sorry and life without soap pages 2-5 Re-enter the dragon How Bruce Lee’s daughter brought his dream to life page 10 • The Guardian 2 Wellbeing Monday 5 August 2019 In Britain, we over-apologise out of politeness . Are you doing That not only detracts from an apology when we do have something to be sorry for, but it can be seen as it right? submission, especially in our professional lives. The classic example is at a social gathering or Sayingyg sorry y networking event . If you try to infi ltrate a group by saying, “sorry to interrupt” , the fi rst thing you have told people is that you are apologetic and interrupting . Likewise, people responding to emails with “sorry for the delay in getting back to you” are highlighting the fact there was a delay. Instead, start by thanking the person for allowing you the time to come back to them. In terms of saying sorry when you have something to apologise for, it is better to do it succinctly . You can tell a sincere apology by the fact that it is short and to the point. Qualifying an apology generally means the apologiser does not fully mean it. Preferably, the apology should be face to face ; if that is not possible, then do it over the phone. If you have really annoyed someone and done the initial apology face-to-face or over the phone, it is fi ne to follow up with something more expansive in writing. You have to know your audience. Flowers might not always work if your apology is to a blokey man, but it is always good to add something tangible and thoughtful to your words. William Hanson is an etiquette expert at the Help I Sexted My Boss podcast. As told to Ammar Kalia Five ways to form a good habit that sticks Identify a cue Forming Be specific “Don’t say something a habit is trying to form a 1 cue-behaviour link in the broad like: ‘I want to eat more fruit memory, meaning “you perform and vegetables’,” says Lally. “ You the behaviour without having to 2 intentionally make yourself do it”, need a specifi c plan for how you will do it ” says Phillippa Lally, a research – for example, by having vegetables and associate at University College fruit in the house . A behaviour is more The one change London . Cues can be internal or external (such as feeling hungry or likely to become habitual if you enjoy it or making a cup of tea) and are most fi nd it rewarding. Even if it is something eff ective when encountered every that worked day, including the weekend, to you think you’d rather not do, such as minimise daily planning and exercise: “ When you’ve done it you’re willpower . Good ones include getting up and mealtimes. likely to be pleased with yourself. ” I found love after Think about who you are There is some evidence to suggest that we moving house 3 are more likely to create a habit when it connects to our sense of identity. “Some [habits] are representations of certain important goals or values,” says Bas Verplanken, a professor of social Of course, there were a few lovely psychology at the University of Bath. “Take a person Leaving London men with whom it just didn’t work who is very concerned about the environment – to renovate an old out , but, overall, it felt as if there was habits that relate to environmentally friendly no one out there for me. I knew it behaviour link to that identity. If you manage to link house on her own was possible to meet someone – lots Don’t give up certain behaviours to your sense of identity, it might of my friends are with partners they help to establish those habits.” started badly, until met online – and I veered between Lally’s research gritting my teeth and thinking, “ It’s debunked the Choose your moment Louise Voss met just a numbers game, you have to 4 “Make use of what we call kiss a lot of frogs” to “ What’s wrong widespread belief that a romantic tiler 5 ‘habit discontinuities’,” saysays with me?” I hated it. But what else forming a habit takes 21 Verplanken. These are the could I do? I’m a self-employed days – she found the “moments when people go writer – I mean, I was hardly going through life-course changes, I had been internet dating on and off to meet a man while typing at my average was 66 days, with such as moving house, starting a for 16 years, since getting divorced kitchen table, was I? some people taking more family or a relationship, divorce,e, in my mid- 30s. I had a couple of Then, a couple of years ago, a retirement or organisation relationships during this time but, few things happened at once. My than 25 0 days and some changes ”. These kind of events in between these, I must have grownup daughter moved out a nd just 18 . “ My message from disrupt old habits, and allow corresponded with hundreds of my mother, who had Alzheimer’s you to create new ones. It’s whyy men, and been on loads of dates. I and had spent years in a care home, that is it is very variable.” New Year’s resolutions tend to failfail met nice-but-dull guys, ghosters, died . She left the family home Don’t despair if you miss a – your life, and old routines, are terrible kissers and even the odd in Salisbury to my brother and day. “We don’t know how still the same on 2 January. But Walter Mitty. There was the guy me, but it was in a dreadful state, switching jobs or schools, or who turned out to be married , having been rented out for almost much you can miss and it getting a pet, can become a the guy with beard dandruff , and a decade to help pay for her care still be OK, but one time is catalyst for broader change. the “medical professional” who fees. My brother wanted to sell, but later admitted he sold stairlifts I couldn’t bear it – that would have not disastrous.” By Emine Saner and wheelchairs. felt like yet another major loss. • The Guardian Monday 5 August 2019 3 Wellness or I don’t have a big close family, and my happiest memories are from my childhood in that house . I grew up in Salisbury but had lived in London for 30 years, since hellness? graduating from university in the 80s, and had brought up my daughter in the same house since she was six. When she moved out, I was living alone for the fi rst time ever . I had always been happy Rhik Samadder there, with a wide circle of friends and interests locally, but now it felt healing can occur. It’s a nicer way of stagnant and lonely. Mind Like Water ayurvedic massage putting it than: “You fell asleep on I had told myself that when she the job, you worthless sack.” Now left home, that would be my chance with sound therapy Or, if you prefer, that I am totally relaxed – perhaps to do something diff erent. So I took ‘getting mashed to a trippy jam’ too much – it’s time for the sound a major decision: I would move back portion of the therapy. Tibetan to Salisbury, get the house done singing bowls are placed on my up, and live in it. I remortgaged and chest. Eyes closed, I feel their vibrato rented my home in London, buying in my body as much as my ears. my brother out of his half of the Cade has many instruments, most of Salisbury house. which I can’t identify. She even sings I moved last September, and it at one point, so in tune with them was horribly stressful doing it solo. that I’m not sure the tone is human. I had struggled to fi nd tradespeople There’s a drum, more boom to do all the work required so the than volume, which reverberates house was like a building site for the pleasurably in my belly; a particular fi rst few weeks. I immediately came soothing, shushing noise that makes down with a grim chest infection me feel like a baby. I take a peek and found myself lying in bed, to fi nd myself staring down the feeling very sorry for myself and business end of a seeded baguette bitterly regretting the whole thing. (which I’m later told is actually Once I recovered from my illness, a rain stick). Most extraordinary of I made an eff ort to start integrating, all: surgical-looking tuning forks, in the hope that I would make some like something out of Marathon new friends or even meet a man; Man, placed at points around my although this felt incredibly unlikely head. I can feel their muscular – the Wiltshire dating scene seemed thrum resonating against the walls even more woeful than the London of my skull, long after any audible one. When I went on Bumble, my noise has died away. It is like being local matches included a guy who massaged from the inside. declared he liked “buses, donkeys, This is what I didn’t understand bell-ringing and drawing”.