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APRIL NEWSLETTER

INTERVIEW WITH JANE YOWARD, our VICE CHAIRMAN.

Hello Jane, are you an Emsworth resident of old, or where did you reside before?

We moved to Emsworth the day the King died (6th February 1952 for those that don't know … or can’t remember) when I was just 4 months old. My parents were both pharmacists, having met on their first day at pharmacy college, and managed Mr. Williams' pharmacy at 22 North Street. We lived at 18a Victoria Road as the house came with the job before moving to Slipper Mill in 1970. It was strange at first, meeting in the Community Centre, as that had been my junior school and the parish hall was where we had lunch when I started school. I moved away in 1976 to the Thames Valley for my work but the pull of Emsworth was so strong that when I had a contract in Havant in 1987, I moved back. A lot of my friends did the same so they were around when I returned.

All being well, you are to be our next u3a Chairman, how do you feel about this?

Nervous but honoured that people have that much faith in me. I know I will have a lot of support.

When did you join our u3a?

I retired in September 2014 and thought I would spend the first few months sorting the house out ... it’s still waiting to be done! My father was a member of Ems Valley u3a and took me to the Christmas party as his guest. Having spoken to several people that day, I applied to join. However, there was a waiting list in those days and I didn't become a member until May 2015.

Can you tell us a little about your working career?

I went to Havant Grammar School and my A-level Statistics teacher taught 6 of us the Fortan programming language after school and we went to IBM (where Tesco, Havant is now) to run our programs on a Saturday morning. I was only really good at Maths and logic so it was either accountancy or this new thing called computers - need I say more. I spent 30+ years in what became IT as a programmer, programming manager, systems analyst, dictionary administrator, database administrator (hence my role as the original Beacon Administrator), software support etc. etc., mostly working at customer sites around the country and a stint in Amsterdam. After a couple of breakdowns due to pressure of work, I left IT in 2003. A friend suggested I do a Housing Benefit training course she was running and a new career took off. I ended up 'unpicking' claims to prepare appeals papers and attending the tribunals on behalf of the council.

I know that you had a history of association with the Southsea Motor Club, tell us a little about that.

My parents were both active members from the mid-50s and we used to do treasure hunts on Sunday afternoons, which has made me very observant. I learnt to drive off-road at the age of 8 (when I could reach the pedals) and passed my driving test 3 months after my 17th birthday - the first in my school year. I started competing in club rallies, sprints, autocrosses and autotests just a couple of months later, eventually concentrating on autotesting (a set route around pylons against the clock) in the Southern area and a few national. When I moved away from home, Mum insisted that my awards went too - so she wouldn't have to clean mine as well as all theirs! But I was expecting you to ask me about more recent escapades like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro at the age of 44 (I was too ill with a stomach bug to make the summit on the last day but did get up to just over 15,000 feet), abseiling down Spinnaker Tower at the age of 60, indoor skydiving at 66 … or even taking up belly dancing at the age of 55!!

Are you enjoying your role as our Vice Chairman?

Yes I am - when I join an organisation, I like to give, not just take so often end up doing something to help out in some form. Our Chairman Anne and I seem to work very well together. Although I had asked what it entailed, the very first job was a bit scary - thanking the monthly speaker, but I've got used to it now. Amongst many other things, I am now busy organizing the speakers for the next year as well as helping John Reynolds organise u3a Day on 2nd June. There is a lot that goes on in the background by both the committee and group leaders and I'd like to acknowledge that work and dedication as they are all volunteers - the vice-chairman's role wouldn't exist without them.

I know that you probably hold the record for the number of Groups any one member has or is holding at one time, how did this happen?

I have many, many interests – before lockdown I was doing 46 meetings a month, that’s u3a and outside!! I currently belong to 10 u3a groups, though there have been 4 others in the past including the Architecture group which I somehow found myself running for 2½ years. Industrial archaeology is another interest and I have belonged to both the Hampshire Industrial Archaeology Society and Hampshire Mills Group for more than 30 years - that's why I joined the Brick Business group, Alan!

What is your favourite group, and please do not say “Brick Business” or this will be called a stitch-up!

I don't think I can say I have a favourite - I enjoy them all but in different ways and for different reasons – or I wouldn’t do them.

Your late Father held a unique position in this village, and indeed in this u3a, do you sometimes find yourself following in those footsteps?

He was the only honorary member of this u3a – don’t think I’ll be following him on that one! When I came back to Emsworth, we found that we had developed interests in both industrial archaeology and local history, without realizing it. As I was not working in the village, I did not know as many people as he did so wasn’t as involved in what was happening. Joining u3a meant that I met a lot of people I wouldn’t have known otherwise and I feel that he would have been very proud that I am the Vice-chairman.

Is it too early to ask what changes you might like to make when you become our Chairman in May 2022?

It is too early really though I believe it should reflect what the members want rather than what I want. I’m not so much an ideas person but I am a good organiser … so look out.

We always end the interview with you being cast away to a desert island with the Bible, the complete works of Shakespeare and the membership list of Ems Valley u3a.You are allowed to request one other thing, what will that be?

I have often thought about that as I listen to Desert Island Disks each week (it's on after The Archers omnibus!) and I have a long list of possibilities ... but, being my logical self, I see you haven't put the usual restrictions on it, so I'll have a luxury liner with a very capable crew to bring me home again!!

PLAY READING 2

As with all live theatre, Covid 19 brought a halt to our Play Reading afternoons and Val and Colin’s sitting room fell silent! We usually meet on the second Tuesday of the month and read a variety of plays, carefully chosen and vetted by Colin ably assisted by Val. Parts are allocated on the day and no bias is shown and gender assignment goes out of the window, well needs must in the theatre and aren’t all dames men and all leading boys girls? As I said along came Covid and so we were silenced, what to do? In the first instance…..nothing, then after many months in the play reading wilderness Colin was thrown a lifeline, no not by Boris but by one Jeremy North from Tetbury u3a.

Being in the same situation as everyone else and unable to meet in person, he and a fellow member, Stephanie Dale, had come up with the idea of writing their own plays specifically for Zoom. Colin was able to access these online and we then were given the opportunity of reading the synopsis of each and listing preferences. The next step was for Colin to apply for complete copies of those chosen by us thespians. To date we have read (performed) three of them. Our first The Black Pit, co written by Jeremy and Stephanie. The title gives you some indication of the subject matter. Now the adventure began, parts were assigned, and we had a chance to read through before the main event. Rudimentary costumes were donned by some, mainly comprising hats that could be changed according to the part being played. What fun, do you want to do another asked Colin, Oh yes we chorused, so four weeks later two more. First Death of the Fourth followed by Goldilocks and the Three Bears by Stephanie with the words not suitable for children after the title! Colin had researched the origin of this fairy tale and found the ending not to be as we remembered, if you want to know more Mr Google can help! Stephanie had also written an “alternative “version with several changes to that we knew as children, and an ending most certainly not suitable for children. There dear readers I’m leaving you. Thanks to these two clever people we have rediscovered the art of play reading Picture is for artistic licence only and BEARS no resemblance to the play! and thanks to Zoom the means of sharing time with like minded friends. Nothing of course beats social interaction but faced with today’s problems this is proving to be a very acceptable alternative. Once again many thanks to Colin and Val for all the hard work they put into finding plays and in more normal times welcoming us into their home. Especial thanks to Colin who is “tea boy” on these occasions. Judi Milburn

Local History meet on Zoom to hear an interesting talk

THE MYSTERY WARRIOR The north Bersted man Novium Museum

“It is 5 o’clock and my people and I are all gathered on Le Crotoy beach after a long journey through Gaul. We are about 100 gathered here, tired and hungry. We want to leave Gaul - too many conflicts with Caesar's troops and leaders. Our great leader Vercingetorix has been defeated, and has been taken prisoner to Rome. What is left for us but to leave our beautiful Gaul! Caesar’s troops are after us! Everyone in the village wants to join my soldiers to escape the Romans looting our houses. We are leaving for a promised land - Britannia.

Altogether there are about 100 people gathered on the beach; enough to start a new life. But before crossing the Channel we have to build some boats, half a dozen should suffice. Luckily we are not too far from the northern beaches and summer will soon be upon us. We managed to save our seeds, some silver and about 6 horses with sheep and pigs.

At last we have landed in Britannia, the crossing was not too bad, how lucky we were, so many women and children on board with my lovely wife to help them settle down.

I haven't been feeling too well these last few days, a fever and feeling very weak. I’ve had to rely on my faithful horse to help me get about. I managed to bring my sword, shield and helmet, so important as a leader to show my men I am amongst them fighting, although I hope it will not be necessary. The folk living here seem to be quite amenable and more than anything we want a peaceful life.”

“It is over, my handsome warrior is no more. He had been feeling very unwell these last few days, took to his bed last night and didn't wake up. We are all mourning him, everyone liked him.

Tomorrow we shall bury him. Our Druid is going to lead the ceremony. We brought the pots to bury him with some seeds and plants, all he will need in his afterlife. The Druid will bend his beautiful sword, break his helmet and shield, no-one could possibly use them again. They were part of him; he was a valiant soldier and a good man.

Life is going to be so much harder without him, his leadership and protection - but life goes on and we must settle down in our new land.” Elisabeth Butler

The Warrior’s shield Although a very powerful symbol of defence, shields must be seen as a weapon as well as armour. A shield can be used to crush or choke - to bring down, pin down, and immobilise an enemy. Shields are often decorated and flamboyant, suggesting they may have provided symbolic as well as physical protection.

Above: The bent sword as it was discovered. Above: The helmet and headdress found in the grave.

We discussed this picture at our last “BRICKS BUSINESS” zoom meeting. Do you think that it has been doctored???

WHERE DID MY AMPHORA COME FROM?

You may have purchased your Amphora from your nearby garden centre, but mine is somewhat older. I say mine, I am speaking in my self appointed role as head of CPRE/Right to roam movement, because my amphora was found two fields away at the Roman Villa at Warblington. Some of you may have viewed part of its neck/rim in the Emsworth Museum. They will explain that it came from the Naples area and was made between 100BC and 10BC. This type of amphora was produced all along the Tyrrhenian coastal area of Italy from Etruria to Campania, where a great number of kiln sites have been identified.

You will all know that we are talking about a jar with two vertical handles used in antiquity for the storage and transportation of foodstuffs such as wine and olive oil. The name derives from the Greek amphi-phoreus meaning 'carried on both sides'. The wine that my amphora contained would have been the lovely red Aglianico, which after travelling all those miles by sea, would have had water added to it in the living room at Warblington as was the ridiculous habit of that time.

So, a century BC, they were transporting wine in these vessels with no tariffs or VAT to worry about. The pointed bottoms would have aided transportation by enabling the vessel to be kept upright in the tossing seas by bedding it in sand spread over the base of the ship.

The average capacity for amphorae was 20 -25 litres, the general size being limited by the necessity for one or two persons to easily carry. Other foodstuffs transported in them included olive oil, honey, olives, dried fish, dry food such as cereals, or even just water. Miniature amphorae known as amphoriskoi were used for storing perfume.

These wax-lined (pine and bees wax were common) ceramic containers, originally invented by the Egyptians, were gradually adopted by nearly all the wine drinking/producing civilizations throughout the Mediterranean and Mesopotamian regions. They reached their peak in usage and standardization in ancient Greece and Rome.

They never caught on at Majestic.

At our very own Villa in Warblington (it is in the field opposite the Saxon Corner development) the occupants were quite wealthy and had a good standard of living, It would not have been cheap to import your wine in those days! The “dig” has only been progressing for a little over ten years and is limited to just six weeks of action every other year! These are the conditions imposed by the landlord and the farmer. It seems to be a terrible use of resources to uncover the site and reinstate it again for agricultural use after just six weeks, but such is the British sense of fair play!

The original clue to there being a villa one or two metres beneath this field was provided by the pieces of tesserie flooring that were being ploughed up each year. The site would have probably been originally chosen in Roman times because of its position in relation to Chichester/Langstone harbour. And, just think, now we just go to Aldi , Waitrose or Vin in Queens Street for our wine! Editor

The dig in September 2014

THOSE WERE THE DAYS! “Seaside Special” was a BBC light entertainment show broadcast from 1975. It was an outside broadcast filmed at a big top in a different British each week. Originally the big top belonged to various circuses (mainly Gerry Cottle's Circus), but in later seasons, the BBC bought its own. The series was broadcast from various Pontins Holiday Camps around the UK initially under the Gerry Cottle Big Top. The first show, airing on 6 August 1973, was hosted by . (do you remember her?) I happened to see the show on T.V. on 12 July 1975 when it visited . According to my recent Google enquiry it starred Peters and Lee with special guests Billy Dainty, Alan Randall, , Stu Francis, Cool Breeze and was introduced by one featuring New Edition. But another act took my eye on that occasion… Don Lindbergh was a high fire diver, he dived from a 60 foot tower into a four feet tub of blazing water, having first set fire to a cloth skirt he wore around his waist! This was in 1975 and Health and Safety would not allow anything remotely close to this now!

Why was I interested in Don? At that time I was a member of Waterlooville and District Round Table and each year we organised something we named “SHOWVILLE”. It took place in the fields which are now developed as an industrial estate on the opposite side of the Hambledon Road to the new Sainsburys. It was an ideal spot as spectators could easily walk to the showground from the centre of town. It became a very large fund raising show every August Bank Holiday Monday to raise money for our local charities. Billed as “SHOWVILLE” this extravaganza got bigger and bigger each year as did, I am pleased to say, the very welcome proceeds. But each year we tried to surpass the previous year’s main rink events, to make it even more spectacular. The only ‘must have’ each year was the grand opening of the RED DEVILS parachuting in to open the show. I thought that Don Lindbergh would be a show stopper. (I didn’t stop to think of the consequences should he have a nasty accident….) I had less than three weeks to arrange it. I’m not sure how I contacted him now, certainly Google was not around. I think I must have rung the BBC. Yes he could come on August Bank Holiday Monday and the charge would be £60.00. I could not believe it, I did not even consult my fellow Tablers. For that price, Don would do a 20 minute clowning show in the first half aimed at the children and basically pretending to jump or slip off his perch in his clowns outfit, then he would do his death defying act to finish the show in style in the second half! We could not believe our luck – the main act for just £60.00 when he had put thousands on the gate numbers. We managed to get the local fire brigade to attend to fill the circular tank – they treated it as a practice exercise!

The adults and the children really enjoyed his first half clowns act, accompanied by the extensive use of his umbrella purporting to act as a parachute! Then the final act which Don built up to a crescendo like the true pro he was. He fixes the hemp skirt around his waist, signals to us to ignite the petrol we had poured onto the water surface, we stood back, he lit his ‘skirt’ and jumped. Just as he was about to hit the surface, he arched his back to cause his body to bellyflop into the water thus dousing the fames successfully. And, oh yes, he made the tank OK! I remember a deadly shocked silence as the dive was in progress and then – of course – pandemonium broke out as the true extent of the spectacle sunk in! The Portsmouth Evening News picture of that time does not fully portray that drama, as the flames from his skirt do not show as they did in fact on that day. The smaller tower on the right of the picture was the platform for his antics when he was entertaining the children. Needless to say, Don received a repeat booking for the following years event!

Alan Borrow

MURRAYISMS

Much loved and followed Murray Walker, the Motor Racing Commentator, died two weeks ago. He was famous for his lovely gaffes, some of which we reproduce below:

Jenson Button is in the top 10 in 11th position There’s nothing wrong with the car, except that it’s on fire. Unless I am mistaken, I AM very much mistaken. And now excuse me whilst I interrupt myself. Do my eyes deceive me or is Senna’s car sounding a bit rough? Anything happens in Grand Prix racing and it usually does. With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go. I’ve just stopped my start watch. Prost can see Mansell in his earphones. Mansell is slowing down taking it easy. No he isn’t, it’s a lap record. I imagine the conditions in those cars today are totally unimaginable. He will not produce a winner, but if he can produce second it will be the next best thing. I don’t make mistakes. I make prophesies which immediately turn out to be wrong. The lead car is unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. And he’s done that in a whisper under 10 second. Call it 9.7 in round figures. This would have been Senna’s third win in a row if he had won the two before.

The best of Matt.

How to stop feeling stressed!

When your dreams go up in smoke, then life can be a constant joke. When you`re feeling really stressed, sad and even quite depressed. If your mood is bleak and black, Resist the pills- don’t take Prozac. Don`t rush off to see the Doc`s, Just buy yourself some silly socks! Feeling frail and very flat, put on your head that crazy hat. Life can seem just one big niggle, say ‘who cares’ and have a giggle. Every day find something funny, ignore the rain, pretend it`s sunny. Mix a lot with those cheerful chums, and live your life with upturned thumbs!

HAVANT RAILWAY STATION IN 1906

This bustling railway picture shows a very different station to the one we see today. Does anyone have any early recollections, please let me know. Apart from the terminus for the “Hayling Billy” there seem to be extensive goods/shunting sidings. I do remember, as a Builders Merchant in the 1960s, sending a lorry down to the station to load LBC fletton bricks. It needed two men because the bricks had to be carried from goods wagon to lorry due to the door configuration. It was a very dirty job! On reflection, it might have been Cosham station! 1960 is a long time ago! EDITOR

An interesting pamphlet was received last month from the Third Age Trust which may be of interest to any one of us in lockdown. Have a read - there might be something of interest here for you or for your group:

A poem by Jan Lewis of Southbourne, taken from the Chichester Observer ‘letters to the Editor’, and spotted by Shirley Court:

Every day’s a Sunday or a Monday or a Bluesday. Wake up every morning to another Pick-and-choose-day. A Tuesday or a Wednesday or a Children-to-amuse-day. Weather’s cold so will it be a Casserole-or-Stewsday?

But nothing in the cupboard suggests it’s Supermarket - Queuesday. Thursday leads to Friday, a not-worth-putting-on-your-shoesday.

How Saturday comes round again, I Haven’t-got-a-cluesday. Rain’s around the corner for another Gloom-and-doomsday. How about some exercise, or Just-enjoy-the-viewsday.

Time to go to Downing Street for another Awful-newsday. Suit and booted ministers with lots of Don’ts-and-Dosday.

Anyone for Scrabble? It’s a Mind-your-Ps-and-Qsday.

Every day’s a Sunday or a Monday or a Bluesday.

Roman history group When the new Roman history group met for their first meeting on Monday 22nd March, it was somehow fitting that ‘plague’ was the opening topic. Or was the severity of that particular plague highlighted to make us feel a little better in how we are coping with our current Covid? In 165AD The Roman Empire was so crippled by the Antonine Plague that many scholars believe it hastened the empire's demise. At the height of this plague, up to 3,000 ancient Romans dropped dead every single day. The disease was first cited during the reign of the last of the Five Good Emperors, Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, in 165 or 166 A.D. Tony Lister, who was giving the presentation, suggested that this plague also came from China, and one Greek physician named Galen managed to document the outbreak itself in graphic detail: Victims suffered for two weeks from fever, vomiting, thirstiness, coughing, and a swollen throat. Others experienced red and black papules on the skin, foul breath, and black diarrhoea. Nearly ten percent of the empire perished this way. Tony told the group that it was probably Smallpox that had created the mayhem and then gave us comparison figures of plague deaths through the ages right up to modern times. Any possible benefits, he asked? Well, the workers were decimated so those that were spared, found themselves earning a much better wage! Over twenty attended this first meeting and anyone else interested in joining can contact Richard Galloway the group leader, through our web site. Alan Borrow

Happy birthday, Dennis the Menace – you're a true British rebel

As Dennis turned 70 last week, it is fitting that we pay this tribute to the impish comic-book hero whose spirit of defiance goes right back to our pagan roots. He was born 10 years old, in a pub, on the back of a pack of cigarettes, with unruly hair, knobbly knees and a scowl. And, on 12 March 1951, Dennis the Menace sneaked onto a half page of The Beano, as the “world’s naughtiest boy”. Soon, his popularity would make him the comic’s cover star. Now, 70 years later, he’s still going strong – not a day older, still at school, and as badly behaved as ever. Of course, he no longer uses his peashooter and catapult these days, for fear he might put someone’s eye out, but his mischievous spirit is undimmed. As the first naughty kid in British comics, Dennis the Menace began a trend – he was followed by Beryl the Peril, the Bash Street Kids and Minnie the Minx – terrors all. But Dennis, in his black and red striped jumper, retains a special place in our affections. Even more so because he never learned a thing from his mistakes. As the former children’s laureate Michael Rosen once put it, “In most children’s books, a bad child gets made good – but the great thing about Dennis is he never gets better. This taps into something significant: the roots of our love for Dennis the Menace run deep. The urge to rebel against authority – and to remain unbowed by it – connects with something that goes way back into our pagan past. There dwells an impish spirit that can be traced throughout our history. The very first time Dennis the Menace appeared in print, he was confronted with a “Keep off the Grass” sign. He was determined to ignore it. Of course he was! From the suffragettes to the overturning of the poll tax, there is a long history of recalcitrant Brits questioning the power of others over them. The groundswell of support for Brexit could be summed up by the phrase: “Don’t tell us what to do.” In the eyes of Leavers, the whole EU law-making apparatus could be characterised as one giant “Keep off the Grass” sign. By 1922, Richmal Crompton’s Just William books gave children an openly mischievous, and hilarious, hero. Dennis the Menace would surely have admired the way William knocked his father into the bushes in his very first adventure, William Goes to the Pictures, while pretending to be a crook from a film trying to escape from the police. Ronald Searle’s original St Trinian’s girls, I might add, were so bad most of the time – with sadists for teachers – that even most adults today would be horrified by them. The fact that they started life as a comic-strip in a magazine, though, ensured that they had a vivid, clearly defined look. Left: Spiky-haired and mischievous, Dennis is a born punk Dennis has one, too. The comic- book medium demands that the visual component of storytelling is paramount. And Dennis has style. He ditched the shirt and tie he wore in his early days, but his fashion choices have not changed since. He was a punk before the Sex Pistols were even heard of, and not just in his love of anarchy. The conjunction of a cartoon public image with an anti-authority stance clearly still connects with something in the British psyche. Would Dominic Cummings have had such an impact on the nation’s front pages if he didn’t dress like someone who’d run off with a charity shop mannequin in the dark? I doubt it. Over the years, Dennis has changed a little. He used to target the Softies, which seems like bullying now, and they’ve learned to fight back. But his essential nature – contrary, disobedient, creative, inventive and naughty just for the fun of it – sounds an awful lot like a description of the British character. It’s only another 30 years before he gets a telegram from the Palace. I wonder what he’ll do with it With additional thanks to Chris Riley of the Daily Telegraph.

Doctors say that Walking strengthens your heart, lowers disease risk, helps you lose weight, prevents dementia, boosts vitamin D and gives you energy. In his wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful, so they have to search for their glasses, keys and other things, thus doing more walking.

THE EIGHT MOST OUTRAGEOUS APRIL FOOLS DAY PRANKS WORLDWIDE:

#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

April 1, 1957: The respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied, "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."

#2: Instant Color TV

April 1, 1962: Sweden's SVT (Sveriges Television) brought their technical expert, Kjell Stensson, onto the news to inform the public that, thanks to a new technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to display color reception. At the time, there was only the one TV channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white, so this was big news. Stensson explained that all viewers had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their tv screen, and the mesh would cause the light to bend in such a way that it would appear as if the image was in color. He proceeded to demonstrate the process. Thousands of people were taken in. Many Swedes today still report remembering their fathers rushing through the house trying to find stockings to place over the TV set.

#3: The Eruption of Mount Edgecumbe

April 1, 1974: The residents of Sitka, Alaska woke to a disturbing sight. Clouds of black smoke were rising from the crater of Mount Edgecumbe, the long-dormant volcano neighbouring them. People spilled out of their homes onto the streets to gaze up at the volcano, terrified that it was active again and might soon erupt. Luckily it turned out that man, not nature, was responsible for the smoke. A local practical joker named Porky Bickar had flown hundreds of old tires into the volcano's crater and then lit them on fire, all in a (successful) attempt to fool the city dwellers into believing that the volcano was stirring to life. According to local legend, when Mount St. Helens erupted six years later, a Sitka resident wrote to Bickar to tell him, "This time you've gone too far!"

#4: The Sydney Iceberg

April 1, 1978: A barge towing a giant iceberg appeared in Sydney Harbor. Sydneysiders were expecting it. Dick Smith, a local adventurer and millionaire businessman, had been loudly promoting his scheme to tow an iceberg from Antarctica for quite some time. Now he had apparently succeeded. He said that he was going to carve the berg into small ice cubes, which he would sell to the public for ten cents each. These well-traveled cubes, fresh from the pure waters of Antarctica, were promised to improve the flavour of any drink they cooled. Slowly the iceberg made its way into the harbour. Local radio stations provided blow-by- blow coverage of the scene. Only when the berg was well into the harbour was its secret revealed. It started to rain, and the firefighting foam and shaving cream that the berg was really made of washed away, uncovering the white plastic sheets beneath.

#5: San Serriffe

April 1, 1977: The Guardian published a special seven-page supplement devoted to San Serriffe, a small republic said to consist of several semi-colon-shaped islands located in the Indian Ocean. A series of articles affectionately described the geography and culture of this obscure nation. Its two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni, and its leader was General Pica. The Guardian's phones rang all day as readers sought more information about the idyllic holiday spot. Only a few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer's terminology.

#6: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity

April 1, 1976: During an early-morning interview on BBC Radio 2, the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced that at 9:47 AM that day a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur. Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, and this planetary alignment would temporarily counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment the alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, the station began receiving hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation.

#7: The Taco Liberty Bell

April 1, 1996: The Taco Bell Corporation took out a full-page ad that appeared in six major newspapers announcing it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known, he said, as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

#8: UFO Lands in London

March 31, 1989: Thousands of motorists driving on the highway outside London looked up in the air to see a glowing flying saucer descending on their city. Many of them pulled to the side of the road to watch the bizarre craft float through the air. The saucer finally landed in a field on the outskirts of London where local residents immediately called the police to warn them of an alien invasion. Soon the police arrived on the scene, and one brave officer approached the craft with his truncheon extended before him. When a door in the craft popped open, and a small, silver-suited figure emerged, the policeman ran in the opposite direction. The saucer turned out to be a hot-air balloon that had been specially built to look like a UFO by Richard Branson, the 36-year-old chairman of Virgin Records. His plan was to land the craft in London's Hyde Park on April 1. Unfortunately, the wind blew him off course, and he was forced to land a day early in the wrong location.

#9: CHICHESTER AND WINCHESTER start takeover battle.

March 31, 2021: u3as in Winchester and Chichester have entered a bidding war to take over the desirable Ems Valley u3a. Both cities have promised free luxury coach travel to Ems Valley members for meetings with cream teas on the return trip. Most groups favour the Chichester offer due to less mileage, and promise of jam on first and cream on second, but Bricks Business are holding out for Winchester due to its ancient capital status and less flintwork.

Message from the Editor: I would love to see more contributions coming in for the newsletter from members who have not submitted articles before! You do not need to be a Group Leader to send in your snippets! Often an appraisal or a report from an attendee is better – it tells your group leader – as well as informing the general readership – that you have enjoyed the fruits of his or her work! I am looking forward to your news! [email protected]