Campus Secrets Revealed What's Inside

The Flipside Magazine 2010-2011 Campus Secrets

Maecenas nec enim urna. Donec nibh nulla, interdum vitae convallis id, bibendum Revealedmalesuada quam. Sed ut nunc in ligula scelerisque aliquet vitae et dui. Nulla dignissim ligula alertsu Nulla at leo metus. Nulla facilisi. Lorem ipsum four loko sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nulla augue dolor, interdum dictum mattis rutrum,Sed sodalessit amet at risus. est Suspendisse lacus. potenti.Suspendisse Etiam ac metusac maurissed magna enim.auctor consequat Ut justo mauris, ul- eu vel velit.trices Sed ultricies ac suscipit volutpat odiout, at adipiscingsagittis. Nunc sedat elementumlectus. ligula. Donec Proin id luctus nibh odio, eu fring- metus id tortor laoreet eleifend. Integer vel lectus sed tortor congue vestibulum. Nunc dictum neque at magnailla euismod ante. aliquet Aliquam id eget interdumipsum. Integer mollis ultrices, elementum. neque et hendrerit Vestibulum rhoncus, quis lorem sed ligula semjusto faucibus suscipit magna, sit ametfermentum. ultricies arcu Integer neque vitae sodales velit. Etiam turpis id felis in enim, dolor in euismod et plac- sollicitudin lectus. Sed non purus a justo ornare porttitor. Vivamus tristique, est in posuere scelerisque,erat metus enim sem cursus posuere. dui, quis Curabitur vulputate neque semper mi a felis. magna Vestibulum orci, nunc a libero,tristique urna. Pellen- consecteturtesque lobortis molestiehendrerit eu, metus hendrerit at at tortordolor. Cras elementum nec dolor massa, sed a ultriciesfermentum dolor. sem sagittis. Sus- Praesent quis ipsum eu neque pharetra facilisis. Aenean eu risus in leo pulvinar interdum. Ut eget justopendisse ut sapien accumsan potenti. ullamcorper. Nunc Phasellusat erat a eratet sem.#winning Nulla eleifend vestibulum lacus sit ametvehicula. Donec eget neque egestasquam vitae rhoncus viverra erosnunc egestas. dapibus Aliquam porta sed ante in vel necligula sem. viverra Aliquam pretium at sagittis eget libero at velit. Cras ut ipsum mi. Nulla justo tellus, gravida ut imperdiet a, elementum ac lacus. Nullam eget blanditarcu nibh. fermentum Duis imperdiet, at quam ultricies vitae rutrum rotc cursus, faucibus. velit tortor feugiatEtiam sapien,ante aest, semper lobortis malesuada ullamcorperipsum purus venenatis id, ante. venenatis Cum sociis eleifendnatoque penatibus purus. et magnis Vivamus dis parturient rhoncus nisi ac urna montes, four loko ridiculus mus. Aliquam eget venenatis felis. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Praesent conguesagittis nisl vel semper. nulla molestie Ut quisnec semper nibh sapien dui. pharetra. Aliquam Praesent posuere sollicitudin, imperdiet nisl metus. egestas porttitorQuisque sollicitudin, consequat nulla aliquam mauris vestibulum viverra. dolor, Quisquenon tincidunt pretium quam odio euismodnec erat. erat, ac congue Maecenas egetnulla sapien aliquet lectus. In ut. at libero Nullam ut neque eu commodofermentum four loko. risus. Morbi leoAliquam mi, posuere tempor id velit auctor sem dignissim feugiat a nec velit. Curabitur in dolor id odio lobortis tincidunt. NullamWhat’s posuere nunc euinside: turpis aliquam pulvinar. Where to get your Four Loko The real way to unsubscribe Descriptions of people to avoid Privileges that are good to have N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 1, No. 61 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Tragedy Strikes Second Life as Real World Claims Another Victim

SECOND LIFE—For the past several weeks, citizens in the virtual world have mourned the loss of one of their closest and dearest friends. A few weeks ago, Matt Wilkins (cosmoboy72), longtime member of the Second Life community, deactivated his account after what many describe as a tragic and preventable Vaden Health Center To Start addiction to “The Real World.” Testicular Cancer Checkups One of Wilkins’ oldest friends, tiger_104, explained With Happy Endings “I’ve heard stories about people getting caught up in the Real World, but I never thought it could happen to someone this close to me, you know?” tiger_104 continued, “I guess I should’ve seen it coming. All the warning signs were there. He started neglecting Matt Wilkins plans to cremate his Second Life body. The funeral will his second family and second friends, and selling all be held this Thursday at the local Second Life church. of his stuff on the Second Life marketplace. He even jokingly hinted that he may ‘disconnect.’” of the Linden Dollar (L$) in 2007, after which dozens Despite the many warning signs, Wilkins’ death of Second Life avatars were seen jumping off of buildings before they disconnected, never to be seen Failed Attempt to Score on shocked the Second Life community. “I was going to leave him a message to see where he was disappearing again. PAT Leaves Stanford Just Immediately following the discovery of Wilkins’ Short of 69 to when I got the notice,” said cosmogirl96. “I had just clicked ‘Send’ when I saw the message. It was tragic. death, the Second Life community came together to I’ll never forget what it said. ‘ERROR 527: The user celebrate the man they once knew and loved. Now, you are attempting to contact has deactivated his weeks later, they are starting to move on with their Forget the News: Media to [MKWVLTQ^M[¹)\ÅZ[\1_I[]X[M\ºZMUIZSML\QOMZG Report the Actions of Small account. He is no longer on the Second Life network. We are sorry for your loss.’” “But now—I think I’m okay. After all, he’s in a better Town Nutjobs Error 527, also known as the Second Suicide place now—he’s in the Real World, or, as we like to call it, Second Heaven.” (Adler) With the spectacular ratings 6W\QÅKI\QWV;;6PILV¼\JMMV[MMV[QVKM\PMKWTTIX[M generated by Gainseville, Florida pastor Terry Jones and the Koran burning controversy, media Crucial Band Member Decides To Take Yom Kippur Off organizations have increasingly shifted their focus to other small <0-;0)31V_PI\_I[JW\PILQNÅK]T\ZMTQOQW][ town nutjobs. CNN correspondent and logistical decision, crucial band member and Jamie Nussbaum found a deranged devout Jew Ben Shenkman decided not to partake paleontologist in Toulon, Nevada, in the game versus the Demon Deacons this past who is planning to mow his lawn Saturday. in the shape of Elvis, and then Shenkman, who plays the kazoo in the band, pee on it. The bald paleontologist joined only three days earlier and has quickly taken a revealed that his actions were to leadership role in the renowned band. “It was really protest those with full heads of a tough situation for me,” said Shenkman. “I don’t hair. want to let down the football team, my section, the Mary Childress, a resident of band, my university, my country, or mankind as a Mobile, AL, was interviewed by whole. I know they depend on me for those buzzing Shenkman was greatly missed last game. MSNBC about her plans to steal sounds, but sometimes you just have to make hard and burn thousands of skateboards decisions.” “If this is all it takes for him to miss a game, what’s to protest the racket and unrest Band members lay on both sides of this issue. next?” said bone player Robby, “First you miss games that teenage skateboarders cause. Many respect what his faith means to him, but others on Yom Kippur, and then you start missing games Surprisingly, the earnest efforts question his devotion to an organization he just on Shabbat, and then you miss the whole season.” of cable news reporters seeking joined. (Keeshin) to show off their compassionate sides were not enough to convince BREAKING: Jewish Partygoer Atones For Party Foul the small town nutjobs to see the fundamental insanity of their actions. (Hefter) visit VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP for way more hilarious stuff! THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 

7KHQXPEHURIWLPHV,·YHFDOOHGP\H[JLUOIULHQG·V SKRQHQXPEHU7KLVQXPEHUDOVRKDSSHQVWREHP\ H[JLUOIULHQG·VSKRQHQXPEHU,·YHDOVRVHQWKHUWKLV PDQ\WH[WPHVVDJHV2QHRYHUWKLVQXPEHULVWKH SUREDELOLW\WKDWVKHZLOOJHWEDFNWRJHWKHUZLWKPH6R ZH·UHVD\LQJWKHUH·VDFKDQFH

This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT I = E

JPADPI VCD CJE XCI ZDVIL XD UJSI ADF RIKWIHI JREFLTWXWIE

CJE XCI ZDVIL XD UJSI ADF NDUUWX WPQFEXWNIE. - HDKXJWLI

The Stanford Flipside

Fill in the grid so each column, Unscramble these four ordinary SUDOKUSudoku 9x9 - Puzzlerow, and5 of 3x3 5 -box Medium has the JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in numbers 1 through 9. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ Level: First college problem set

3 5 8 1 LNRGA 9 2 4 8 4 3 1 SUGET 6 5 EFCITN 5 4 7 6 7 1 WHAT THEY CALLED THE LOVABLE 37 DEGREES FLALUW 6 5 9 7 1 3 8

SUDOKU PROVIDED BY SUDOKU-PUZZLES.NET 1RWH$OOQDPHVDQGVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOXQOHVVSXEOLFÀJXUHVDUHEHLQJVDWLUL]HG1 9 2 6 5HPHPEHUWKHVHDUHDOOMRNHV7RFRQWDFWXVHPDLOÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGX)RUPRUH Editorial Board: Jeremy Keeshin, Zach Galant, Adam Adler, Laney Kuenzel, LQIRUPDWLRQDQGPRUHFRQWHQWYLVLWVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPwww.sudoku-puzzles.net Eric Karpas, Bill Driscoll, Brendan Weinstein, Stephanie Weber N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 2, No. 62 ww.stanfordÁ ips The Reviews Issue HEADLINES New LinkedIn Movie Opens, Viewers React With Mild Approval The prescreening of the new LinkedIn movie, “The Online Rolodex,” opened to crowds in the tens at some cinema in Palo Alto or Menlo Park or somewhere. The movie opens with a corporate meeting of middle-aged men in business suits. They discuss what sounds like a solid business plan, and over the course of the next 104 minutes, they implement it. Fuck Hipsters The movie climaxes when the LinkedIn executives LMKQLM \W WXMV IV WNÅKM QV ,]JTQV I[ XIZ\ WN  \PMQZ expanding global business strategy. At one point, the middle-aged men who run LinkedIn all get moderately sized performance bonuses based on meeting their numbers. There are no sexual exploits to speak of in the The poster for the LinkenIn movie. This may be the watershed movie for the current generation of businessmen. movie, although many of the lead characters are happily married. Sometimes, they drink alcohol, but pivotal point early in the movie, Lachey’s character they tend to get sleepy after a second glass of wine. tells LinkedIn’s founders, “I’d like to add you to my Report: Money May Not One of the actors in “The Online Rolodex”, the professional network on LinkedIn.” The phrase stuck, TMIL[QVOMZWN ! ,MOZMM[6QKS4IKPMaXTIa[\PMXIZ\ Grow on Trees, but It and the rest is history. (Brandt) of a former colleague of LinkedIn’s founder. At one Does Grow on Hedges

Books on the Flipside Music on the Flipside Calculus Textbook ‘Dazzles’ and ‘Inspires’ Live EP “ShowaJamz” Reveals New Artist’s Colley’s masterpiece “Vector Colley maintains a beautiful Fresh, Clean Sound Calculus” is not your average math extended metaphor throughout the textbook. Colley has a way with words book. We read of the derivative and If you had any doubt that Stanford MS&E major James Harak that makes reading about the dot ÅVL ]T\QUI\MTa \PI\ IT\PW]OP \PQVO[ would be the next Kelly Clarkson, doubt no longer. Yesterday, product and the del operator a pure may change with respect to x, we are after presenting my press pass at the front door of his residence joy. She draws us in with a soothing changing also. (Keeshin) at Xanadu, I was able to secure a spot in the shower stall next to third-person omniscient narrator, and PQ[_PQTM\PMJ]LLQVOIZ\Q[\ZMKWZLMLPQ[ÅZ[\-8¹;PW_IRIUbº the rest is just a whirling adventure )LUQ\\MLTa 1 _I[ I\ ÅZ[\ [SMX\QKIT \PI\ I TQ^M [\ZQXXMLLW_V through vectors and integrals. performance recorded in his shower was a strong way to enter the “Vector Calculus” is a journey world of music. However, after listening in, there is no question of love, lust and revenge amidst that on a scale of one to 10, this album is incredible. a sea of mathematics. The plot The EP begins with a brilliant, brazen cover of Lady Gaga’s escalates until we reach extrema and “Bad Romance.” People who are gaga for Gaga will not be Lagrange multipliers in Chapter 4, disappointed, since Harak’s version has all of the glitzy gusto and this is really when you fall for the of the original. However, the sounds of water pattering on the characters. shower walls around Harak really add a new element to the music “I want the reader to get lost in that makes his version of the song into a truly unique entity. the pages of this book,” Colley said, 6M`\Q[¹

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 47%

1XPEHURIIUHVKPHQVRFUHHSHGRXWE\WKH 6+35&·VVH[TXHVWLRQVDWWKHDFWLYLWLHVIDLUWKDW WKH\GHFLGHGWKH\QHYHUZDQWWRJRWKHUHIRU FRXQVHOLQJ$OVRWKHQXPEHURIIUHVKPHQZKR EHOLHYHWKDWDFRQGRPLVDQHQYLURQPHQWDOO\ last week’s answers: WHEEL OF FORTUNE, TORNADO, TRAFFIC JAM, IULHQGO\OXQFKEDJ MONKEY’S UNCLE This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT J = E

UYJGJ ZVEG CVK BKMSG UYJ IFLDJ MA JHJFEUYLKP WNU UYJ HVQNJ MA KMUYLKP - MGDVF SLQZJ

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: ANYONE WHO HAS THE POWER TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE ABSURDITIES HAS THE POWER TO MAKE YOU COMMIT INJUSTICES. - VOLTAIRE The Stanford Flipside Fill in the grid so each column, Unscramble these four ordinary SUDOKUSudoku 9x9 - Puzzle 3row, of 5 and - Very 3x3 Easy box has the JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in numbers 1 through 9. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ Level: All 81 Boxes are Here

7 4 6 3 ICCBU 1 2 9 4

5 4 9 3 FISGT 2 8 1 9 5 4 8 6 GRNOLE

6 5 7 3 THE OBSTETRICIAN’S FAVORITE PART OF THE 8 7 1 9 SONG CAENTC 4 8 3 5 4 6 7 2 

www.sudoku-puzzles.net LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: GNARL GUEST INFECT LAWFUL SUDOKU PROVIDED BY SUDOKU-PUZZLES.NET what they called the lovable 37 degrees A CUTE ANGLE 1RWH$OOQDPHVDQGVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOXQOHVVSXEOLFÀJXUHVDUHEHLQJVDWLUL]HG 5HPHPEHUWKHVHDUHDOOMRNHV7RFRQWDFWXVHPDLOÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGX)RUPRUH Editorial Board: Jeremy Keeshin, Zach Galant, Adam Adler, Laney Kuenzel, LQIRUPDWLRQDQGPRUHFRQWHQWYLVLWVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP Eric Karpas, Bill Driscoll, Brendan Weinstein, Stephanie Weber N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 3, No. 63 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES California Government to Carry Out Extra Executions Before Lethal Injection Drug Expires California’s remaining stock of Sodium Thiopental, a medicinal anesthetic that is also a key component of lethal injections, is set to expire this Friday. In a rare display of frugality, government WNÅKQIT[IZMZ][PQVO\W][M\PMZMUIQVQVO;WLQ]U AlcoholEDU Teaches Thiopental before its expiration date. Safe Keg-Stand “It’s all about being humane,” said Michael Techniques Quinn, the Deputy Attorney spearheading the effort. “We gotta use the drug before it expires or else it might not work properly. We’re giving the produces Sodium Thiopental. “It’s bad for our prisoners peace of mind knowing that their lethal PR.” injections will kill them the proper way.” After the expiration date, the CA government Critics of the expedited execution initiative [\QTTPI[\PMQ[[]MWN ÅVLQVOIVIT\MZVI\Q^MTM\PIT argue that rushing a prisoner’s execution date due injection drug during the upcoming shortage. to something as mundane as an expiration date “We have a wide variety of untested, exotic liquids Q[KZ]LMIVL]VLQOVQÅML¹)VM`XQZI\QWVLI\MWV and chemicals for putting in people’s circulatory a label shouldn’t determine a person’s expiration system,” said Michael Reiner, CEO of Magikill, Surfer Dudes Getting date,” said ACLU’s Natasha Minsker. “People a company offering alternative lethal injection Into Radical Islam deserve fresh ingredients in their lethal injections. cocktails. Not that stale stuff that’s been sitting in the back When asked about his thoughts on alternative there’s way more online of the shelf.” execution methods, death row inmate Mark VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP “Stop using our product to kill people,” said O’Meara said, “As long as they don’t electrocute a spokesman for Hospira, the company that me, I’m ok.” (Evans) New Movement Seeks to End Sexual State of Texas Discrimination in Seashell-Selling Industry Eliminates For as long as shelled their friends and family when crustaceans have inhabited all they want to do is make an Arabic Numbers Earth, a simple but powerful honest living and follow their In an effort to halt what many adage has reigned as dreams.” KWV[QLMZ\WJMIVQVÆ]`WN 1[TIUQK unquestioned truth – “She sells Though the new movement Jihadist thinking on young people, seashells by the seashore.” is facing a rising resistance the State of Texas Textbook Recently, this popular from conservative seashell Committee has banned the use of expression has come under vendors, who claim that Arabic numbers in Texas schools. attack by a group of radical our industry are simply men are infringing on their One member of the Committee seashell salesman from the unacceptable. We are working exclusive privilege of hawking said that kids could get by with Atlantic Coast. The new to erase these prejudiced calcareous shell to passing Roman numerals. After all, most of grassroots movement claims viewpoints and create a more tourists, Sanchez is still the important things like the Super that the traditional slogan progressive environment KWVÅLMV\ WN  []KKM[[  ?PMV Bowl are already using Roman promotes an unhealthy attitude within the seashell business.” pressed for an idea of a new numerals. It would also help reduce of sexual discrimination in the Cracking the shell, so to slogan to replace the biased \PM .MLMZIT LMÅKQ\# ¹0W_ LW aW] seashell-selling industry, and speak, of a female-dominated motto, Sanchez replied, “He write a trillion in Roman numerals is detrimental to both current industry has not been easy and she simultaneously sell anyway?” and prospective male vendors. for most men, who often seashells by the seashore Additionally Texas Governor, Robert Sanchez, the self- complain of a loss of dignity serenely.” Rick Perry said, “I know these proclaimed Martin Luther and self-respect. Sanchez “And that,” explains Roman Numerals could be a bit King Jr. of the new movement, describes the mindset of many Sanchez, “Is something that more inconvenient, but I sure as explains, “The current gender male employees when he says, we can all come together to say heck don’t wanna empower those stereotypes surrounding “They are embarrassed to face three times fast.” (Hoffer) git damn Ay-Rabs.” (Galant) THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:+LODU\6WRQH 4827(´,WZDVWKH0DQDJHPHQW6FLHQFH,WZDVWKH(QJLQHHULQJ,WZDVWKHcombination 0DQDJHPHQW6FLHQFHDQG(QJLQHHULQJ´'DV5DFLVWDW(%)

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 25 7KHUDQNWKDWWKH6WDQIRUGIRRWEDOOWHDPZLOODFKLHYHLI WKH\FRQWLQXHWRGURSDWFRQVHFXWLYHVTXDUHV  2 2  2 7KLVLVDVWUDQJHREVHUYDWLRQEXWZH·YHKDGRXU VFLHQWLVWVVWDWLVWLFLDQVDQGGHVLJQHUVDWLWIRUKRXUV:H DWWKH)OLSVLGHDUHURRWLQJIRUDUHYHUVDOZKHUHWKHWHDPLV UDQNHGWKWKDQGWKHQVW1LFH

+DYH\RXURZQXQIRUWXQDWHPDWKHPDWLFDOREVHUYDWLRQV" last week’s answers: SCATTER PLOT, NORTHERN LIGHTS, PARALLEL (PDLOXVDWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGX PARKING, MISINFORMATION This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT T = E

LEGGTDYATTG VSGVLTD: GIT BTPPVA, BTYYX, PTKQ-UESUEZF OTDQTSG OKJYT

LTGATTZ GIT VOOVYEZF BEYTDETY VQ YJBBTD KZR AEZGTD. -SKDVP LEYIVO IEOOY

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: THESE DAYS MAN KNOWS THE PRICE OF EVERYTHING BUT THE VALUE OF NOTHING - OSCAR WILDE www. Sudoku-Puzzles .net Sudoku, Kakuro & FutoshikiFill in the Puzzles grid so each column, Unscramble these four ordinary SUDOKU row, and 3x3 box has the JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in numbers 1 through 9. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ Level: Like FlyingSudoku a Kite, 9x9 Ya - Easy Know? (135137176)

8 9 3 5 7 DAGLE 4 8 2

6 NSDAT 1 6 4

2 5 3 1 ETOSER

3 7 9 THE MOST ENVIRONMENTALLY 4 FRIENDLY LETTER GELDEP 9 2 8

5 6 8 3 1

www.sudoku-puzzles.net LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: CUBIC GIFTS LONGER ACCENT SUDOKU PROVIDED BY SUDOKU-PUZZLES.NET the obstetrician’s favorite part of the song C-SECTION 1RWH$OOQDPHVDQGVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOXQOHVVSXEOLFÀJXUHVDUHEHLQJVDWLUL]HG Editorial Board: Jeremy Keeshin, Zach Galant, Adam Adler, Laney Kuenzel, 5HPHPEHUWKHVHDUHDOOMRNHV7RFRQWDFWXVHPDLOÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGX)RUPRUHSolution: LQIRUPDWLRQDQGPRUHFRQWHQWYLVLWVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP Eric Karpas, Brendan Weinstein, Stephanie Weber www.sudoku-puzzles.net N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 4, No. 64 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Lunar Energy Advocates Feel Left In the Dark Holding signs with slogans such as “Carpe Noctem” (Seize the Night) and “The Moon: Also Pretty Fucking Cool”, advocates for Lunar Energy packed White Plaza on Friday to protest the recent approved tax breaks for solar energy. “You know, it just pisses me off,” noted Frank Schnappel, the leader of the student-run Lunar And Moon Energy Parents Practice group here at Stanford. “Look how much attention solar Mourning for Son Lost in energy gets on campus. That’s bullshit man, the sun is only up there half the time! That means for the other half Earth Quake Drill of the time, the moon is doing all the work. Its like the sun of the night.” According to the group’s website, the moon is an How lunar energy works. “untapped resource” waiting to be utilized by energy producers. But opponents of lunar energy disagree, noting the moon. We are wasting an opportunity to harness that that the sun obviously produces much more energy than huge energy-source for commercial use.” the moon, given that the sun is a super-hot star and the Schnappel notes that while solar energy has received moon is essentially a big rock. massive government funding and tax breaks, there has not In fact, Schnappel says, there’s already plenty of proof been a single taxpayer dollar spent on lunar energy. that the moon is a potentially lucrative source of energy. “We need to go lunar before China. This is a race to get “Think about it. Tides, pagan holidays, menstrual off of oil, and every second counts. Every night we don’t Mars Release New S&Ms cycles and even werewolves. They are all controlled by fund lunar energy, we are just wasting energy. And that’s just not right.” (O’Byrne) Opinion: Why do women get so upset “Microsoft Releases New ‘Dora the Internet when told they have a nice rack? Explorer Web’ Browser”

As one who yell ‘NICK RACK AND NICE ASS’ regularly likes to let them know I don’t just consider to pay women them one-trick ponies. Because the compliments on two are often correlated, racks and their racks, this ass. makes no sense to me. Has ‘rack’ Should I be yelling somehow become Earlier this week, in an attempt to To promote wide adoption a derogatory ‘NICE TA-TAS’ regain internet browser market share, of the new browser Microsoft term? Tell that to the elks who have instead? Microsoft unveiled its new Dora the controversially implemented an racks of antlers on their heads. Tell Internet Explorer web browser. automatic backdoor update that that to the pool players who regularly The bottom line is, I just don’t The new browser includes replaced all existing versions of rack ‘em up. And yes, tell that get it. If some bitch yelled ‘NICE a radically reworked graphical Internet Explorer upon connection to the women who have massive, CHEST’ at me I wouldn’t be user interface, which prominently to the internet, regardless of user compliment-worthy racks. WNNMVLML 1¼L JM ÆI\\MZML  1¼L JM features Dora, the iconic little brown consent. Say I buy into the notion that the UWZM\PIVÆI\\MZML1¼LJM\]ZVML\PM girl from the children’s show Dora “The Dora browser is an world rack is somehow offensive. fuck on. If she was hot. Times have the Explorer, who hovers next to abomination!” wrote Michael Should I be yelling ‘NICE TA-TAS’ changed, I guess. My father was the address bar. Dora cheerfully Arrington, founder of the web instead as I drive by a group of fond of saying that kind of thing to offers various internet browsing tips publication TechCrunch and one walking women in my car? Would women as they passed by our mobile while also teaching simple Spanish of the most vocal critics the new \PI\VW\Z]NÆM\PMQZNMI\PMZ[I[U]KP' home, and I’ve got seven brothers phrases. browser. “No matter what, Dora is I’m gonna call ‘em like I see ‘em no and sisters so I guess it worked out The browser includes built-in always there. Always. Smothering me matter what word you want me to well for him. anti-viral software that renders with her unblinking stare. Watching use, but personally I think ta-tas just But I haven’t been as lucky as dad, spy-ware and viruses in the form me. Judging me.” sounds silly. and I’m open to the idea that there of Swiper, a mischievous fox who 1V W\PMZ \MKP VM_[ _MJ \ZINÅK Is it possible that women feel is some point I am missing entirely. repeatedly attempts to steal from analysts at Alexa have noted a recent slightly cheapened when I compliment If that’s the case I would be happy Dora and her friends. Dora quickly   LZWX QV _MJ \ZINÅK IKZW[[ them on their racks? Maybe they feel to sit down and learn from a woman responds to Swiper’s arrival by all major adult websites, a trend like they have nothing to offer other about respect and good manners... repeating the phrase, “Swiper, no coinciding, oddly enough, with the than a nice set of hooters and that’s particularly if that woman had a swiping!” three times, which triggers release of the new Dora browser. all the world cares about? Because if sweet pair of knockers. Excuse me— multiple anti-viral quarantine and (Evans) that’s the case, maybe I can always tits. See? I’m trying. (Driscoll) disposal algorithms. THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:1DKXVK5DR 4827(´,MXVWZDQWHGWRNHHSLWH[FLWLQJ´.LFNHU1DWH:KLWDNHURQZK\KHPLVVHGWKH3$7WRVHWKLPVHOIXSIRUWKHJDPHZLQQLQJÀHOGJRDO

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 938 7KHQXPEHURIIX]]LHVZKRYLVLWHGWKH¶8QHPSOR\HG· ERRWKDWODVWZHHN·V&DUHHU)DLU7KHERRWKZDV PDQQHGE\-LPDQG0DXULFHWZRPHQIURP3DOR$OWR ZLWKDFRPELQHGWRWDORIÀIW\\HDUVH[SHULHQFHEHLQJ XQHPSOR\HG9LVLWRUVWRWKHERRWKUHFHLYHGIUHHFDUG ERDUGVLJQVZLWKSKUDVHVOLNH´*RG%OHVV$PHULFDµ DQG´$Q\WKLQJ+HOSVµ last week’s answers: RIGHT ON, FOREIGN FILM, DIVERSITY, EFFICIENCY This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT Q = T

QGYFD DGT FKU DGT, QNFQ BJ QKTUK QNFV QKTU. QNUKU BJ VG GVU FWBOU ENG BJ DGTUK QNFV DGT. -YK JUTJJ

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER:BITTERSWEET OCTOBER. THE MELLOW, MESSY, LEAF-KICKING PERFECT PAUSE BETWEEN THE OPPOSING MISER- IES OF SUMMER AND WINTER. -CAROL BISHOP HIPPS www. Sudoku-Puzzles .net Sudoku, Kakuro & FutoshikiFill in the Puzzles grid so each column, Unscramble these four ordinary SUDOKU row, and 3x3 box has the JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in numbers 1 through 9. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ Level: OMG! R USudoku SERS? 9x9 - Hard (136745574)

8 7 1 THCHA 2 5 9 4

6 1 8 INNUO 5 9

6 1 2 5 HTBIGR

7 1 WHAT THE MAN BOUGHT INSTEAD OF 4 9 5 HEAVY FLOWERS BLSELA 5 3 1 2

9 8 3

www.sudoku-puzzles.net LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: GLADE, STAND, STEREO, PLEDGE SUDOKU PROVIDED BY SUDOKU-PUZZLES.NET the most environmentally friendly letter GREEN TEE 1RWH$OOQDPHVDQGVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOXQOHVVSXEOLFÀJXUHVDUHEHLQJVDWLUL]HG Editorial Board: Jeremy Keeshin, Zach Galant, Adam Adler, Laney Kuenzel, 5HPHPEHUWKHVHDUHDOOMRNHV7RFRQWDFWXVHPDLOÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGX)RUPRUHSolution: LQIRUPDWLRQDQGPRUHFRQWHQWYLVLWVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP Eric Karpas, Brendan Weinstein, Stephanie Weber www.sudoku-puzzles.net N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 5, No. 65 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Chilean Miners Wait a Day to Avoid “Coming Out” Confusion 33 Chilean miners, all male, have been trapped in horrid conditions for over two months, living close together in a tight space, rubbing up against each other, and suffering from loneliness and isolation from their loved ones. Despite, or perhaps because, they have been living with 32 other men for so long, their anxiousness to return to their families took a back-seat to what they Microsoft’s Clippy Helps considered a more pressing concern. You With All of Your “They have apparently decided they would like to stay in the mine another day,” announced a shocked &KLOHDQPLQGHUVÀQDOO\FRPLQJRXWRIWKHPLQH PowerPoint Needs Jaime Feliciano, the Rescue Operation Coordinator. to show how far we have to go before true equality is “We told them, ‘Hey, we can help you guys out today, reached.” said Jorge Moreno, a gay-rights activist in we’ll support you 100%, we won’t think any less of you Chile. “They’d rather live in their own shit for an extra or anything.’ But they weren’t having any of it.” day just so they don’t get mistaken for a gay person? It’s In an unprecedented unanimous decision, the outrageous and offensive.” Chilean miners decided exiting the mine on the Gay- 1VIVMUW\QWVIT[KMVM\PMÅZ[\UQVMZ_I[TQN\ML]X Pride Holiday known as “Coming-Out Day” might through the hole in a rescue capsule. As he staggered present a confusing idea of what (and who) went down W]\[MMQVO[]VTQOP\NWZ\PMÅZ[\\QUMQVUWV\P[\MIZ[ during the lonely nights of their 68-day horror. streamed down his face. As the audience erupted into Despite widespread condemnation from gay-rights applause, the miner made an emotional plea to the Google Car Comes With groups around the world, the Chilean miners held rescue workers to work faster, noting, “You only have DUI Mode, Asian Driver their ground, waiting the extra day before allowing 24 hours to get them out. We refuse for our rescue to be Mode, and More rescue operations to commence. “I think it just goes continued to the 69th as well.” Study Finds People Who Live Longer Students Fight, Steal, and Kill for Are More Likely to Die Dalai Lama Tickets A research team at Johns Hopkins The study found that 97-year olds WHITE PLAZA—In the days University has found that there is a are more likely to die than every leading up to the on campus talk high correlation between long life and other age group under age 97. It’s by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, death. “It’s a unique situation,” says IV ITIZUQVO ÅVL JMKI][M Q\ KW]TL students across campus worked team leader Dr. Stefan Walters. “You potentially create a disincentive for \QZMTM[[Ta \W ÅVL \QKSM\[ \W \PM would think that people who live long people to grow old. “Every year of event, often resorting to extreme lives are healthy, but these people are life that a man lives, he increases the acts of violence. dying all over the place.” likelihood that he will die,” lamented “I really wanted to hear Last month, Lacey Dunston, a 97- 57-year-old Dr. Walters. “There’s no what he had to say about peace 'HVSHUDWHWLPHVGHVSHUDWHPHDVXUHV year-old woman from Sacramento, escaping it.” and compassion,” said Michael for my Giants tickets. And my California, died in her sleep. She had Recently, Americans have become Thallows ’012, explaining why crystal meth.” no prior history of disease and was more conscious about the healthiness he “beat the shit” out of Robert While Thallows and Staletto physically active, walking around the of their lifestyles. If this study is :WRI[QVIKIOMÅOP\ VMMLML \W ÅVL tickets to the block every day. Mrs. Dunston is the ^MZQÅMLPW_M^MZQ\KW]TLUMIV\PI\ Thallows wasn’t the only event, other students had a hard latest example of what scientists are being healthy and living longer is student who went to extremes time protecting the tickets they describing as an “alarming” trend only contributing to our eventual to see the Dalai Lama. Another had. In the days leading up to of extremely old people suddenly demise. (Hefter) student, Megan Staletto ’13, also the Dalai Lama’s presentation, dropping dead. PILIPIZL\QUMÅVLQVOI\QKSM\ several tickets were stolen from “I actually killed a guy to get his three houses, all on the row. Journalists Mislead Readers With Quotations ticket, but turns out he didn’t “I don’t really know how it have one either.” According to an alarming report released Monday by Stanford’s Center happened. They ignored my Greg Weinstein ‘011 said, for Media Studies, print journalists from the nation’s leading newspapers iPod and my laptop, they went “A few dozen tickets were sold tend to manipulate quotations in misleading ways. Bill Keller, the Executive straight to my Dalai Lama ticket. through chatlists, but at a hundred Editor of The New York Times, weighed in by saying that “this study . . . I had lots of other valuable things dollars a pop, they were way too ZMXZM[MV\C[EC\Z]TaOZW]VLJZMISQVOE_WZSº

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 451 7KHWHPSHUDWXUH LQGHJUHHV)DKUHQKHLW DWWKHIURQWRI WKHVWDJHGXULQJWKH'HDGPDXSHUIRUPDQFHDW7UHDVXUH ,VODQGLQ6DQ)UDQFLVFRWKLVSDVW6DWXUGD\7KLVUHVXOWHGLQ VHYHQW\WZRKRVSLWDOL]DWLRQVGXHWRVHYHUHEXUQVDQGWKRX VDQGVRIPHOWHGIDFHV7KHKHDWOLQJHUHGLQ6DQ)UDQFLVFR IRUDOPRVWKRXUVUHVXOWLQJLQWKH1LNH:RPHQ·V+DOI 0DUDWKRQEHLQJWXUQHGLQWRDTXDUWHUPDUDWKRQIRUPRVW ZRPHQZKRIHOWWKDWWKH\ZHUHVLPSO\WRRKRWWRUXQ last week’s answers: ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK, PENELOPE CRUZ, TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU, GEMINI This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT Y = A Y EYX’D BWYAYBKSA EYH PS JSYAXSF QATE KWS YFLSBKGCSD RWGBW WS WYPGKMYJJH MDSD GX BTXCSADYKGTX. -EYAN KRYGX

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: TODAY YOU ARE YOU, THAT IS TRUER THAN TRUE. THERE IS NO ONE ALIVE WHO IS YOUER THAN YOU. -DR. SEUSS

Fill in the grid so each column, Unscramble these four ordinary SUDOKU row, and 3x3 box has the JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in numbers 1 through 9. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ Level: Halfway up Mt. Kilimanjaro

GUEPR

SEVRB

DAYREP

FRIEND FORCE PER UNIT AREA SISUSE

LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: HATCH, UNION, BRIGHT, LABELS SUDOKU PROVIDED BY SUDOKU-PUZZLES.NET ZKDWWKHPDQERXJKWLQVWHDGRIKHDY\ÀRZHUV$/,*+7%8/% 1RWH$OOQDPHVDQGVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOXQOHVVSXEOLFÀJXUHVDUHEHLQJVDWLUL]HG 5HPHPEHUWKHVHDUHDOOMRNHV7RFRQWDFWXVHPDLOÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGX)RUPRUH Editorial Board: Jeremy Keeshin, Zach Galant, Adam Adler, Laney Kuenzel, LQIRUPDWLRQDQGPRUHFRQWHQWYLVLWVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP Eric Karpas, Brendan Weinstein, Stephanie Weber N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 6, No. 66 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Farmville Releases New Immigrant Worker Feature Starting late last week, Farmville players are now able to hire immigrant workers for their farms. According to an announcement on the Farmville website, “Players can click on a sombrero icon in the Farmville Marketplace and hire Mexican immigrants for very affordable wages to help pick fruit, landscape, build tool sheds and perform various other labor intensive jobs.” Students Getting Excited “We have a diverse user base, with players from all for Waning Gibbous Moon around the world,” said Zynga CEO Mark Pincus at a on the Quad press release. “As a tribute to our Mexican players, we wanted to acknowledge the contribution of Mexican The logo for the new edition of Farmville. workers to our society.” AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka has condemned Pincus went on to say that the immigrant workers the new immigrant workers feature. “This is an outrage! feature was only the beginning of a campaign to reach The [digital, non-existent] workers in the game are not out to multiple cultural groups. earning enough [digital, non-existent] money to pay “We have a special surprise coming for Black History minimal living expenses.” Month, when farmers can look forward to some special Trumka has called for widespread boycotting of the live-in guests to help with cotton farming.” game until Farmville raises the workers’ wages. When asked about other upcoming features, Pincus Other critics cite a different issue with the new added, “depending on the voting results for Prop. 19, New Law Prohibits feature. Many Farmville players are worried that these we might have a new limited edition crop in the works, Drinking and Playing immigrant workers will be stealing their jobs. Said one as a tribute to white, unemployed 20-somethings who unemployed Arizona resident, “We used to pick the Mario Kart live in their parents’ basement.” crops ourselves, and now these illegal immigrants are However, not everyone is pleased with the recent doing it at prices we just can’t compete with.” (Evans) And More On Line! additions to Farmville. )ROORZ#ÁLSVLGHXSGDWH We’ll be live blogging #FMOTQ! Straight Students in San Francisco Kim Jong-Il’s Successor Decision Down To FroSoCo Kids Boycott Full Moon and Organize High Plead for Acceptance Kim Kardashian, Lil Kim and Kim Possible Five Sesh Near the Recently, North Korea’s 5RGLQ6FXOSWXUHV Cases of bullying against straight – or perceived to be straight – students in San famously unpredictable leader Francisco public schools drew local scrutiny Kim Jong-Il has been deciding Jack Unsure If Full Moon and pleas from parents of straight students who should succeed him. After what he called a very Hookup Meant Anything for tolerance, acceptance and dialogue. “It needs to be made clear that my son didn’t tough decision, he eliminated 2IKS ÅVITTa PWWSML ]X _Q\P choose to be straight. He was born that way. his son, Kim Jong-Un from Jill at Full Moon on the Quad He shouldn’t have to feel ashamed of that,” the running, leaving the race Monday, which concluded a week- lamented Robin Davidson, mother of a 14- down to Kim Kardashian, Lil long period of awkward hugs and year-old who was made fun of for being Kim and Kim Possible. sexual comments between the openly straight. “I had always hoped my son would be able to take my two. “It was only her fourth kiss “My boy isn’t straight. He just likes around a nation stricken by of the night, so it may have meant wearing baggier jeans. There’s nothing title, but he is not ready,” Kim Jong-Il said. “I will have to poverty. Unfortunately for her, something,” he stated. “She wrong with that,” said Rashida Jacobs, some people high up in the doesn’t need to know that it was mother of Darren, a gay 15 year old. Darren give power to one of my three daughters.” North Korean government are my 29th.” had been bullied by the other gay kids convinced that their country

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 200% 7KHLQFUHDVHLQWKHQXPEHURI$PLVK\RXWKEHWZHHQ WKHDJHVRIDQGXVLQJVRFLDOPHGLDSODWIRUPVLQWKH SDVWPRQWK7KLVVWDWLVWLFUHÁHFWVWKHIDFWWKDWWZR$PLVK VWXGHQWVLQUXUDO3HQQV\OYDQLDFUHDWHG)DFHERRNDFFRXQWV GXULQJ2FWREHUZKLFKUHSUHVHQWVDWULSOLQJRIWKH$PLVK UHSUHVHQWDWLRQRQ)DFHERRNVLQFHVLPLODUGDWDZDVFRP SLOHGODVWPRQWK5HDGPRUHDERXWWKHVFDQGDODQGWKH FRPPXQLW\·VUHDFWLRQVDWZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP last week’s answers: TALL ORDER, BUOYANT, CENTIPEDE, DAYQUIL

This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT H = T A EP HJD IAYDYH PES EVAFD, LBT A RSBI BSD HJASM, ESN HJEH AY HJEH A RSBI SBHJASM. -YBQTEHDY

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: A MAN’S CHARACTER MAY BE LEARNED FROM THE ADJECTIVES WHICH HE HABITU- ALLY USES IN CONVERSATION. -MARK TWAIN

Fill in the grid so each column, Unscramble these four ordinary SUDOKU row, and 3x3 box has the JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in numbers 1 through 9. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ /HYHO+RJZDUWVUGÁRRUFRUULGRU

CEHNB

KNFUL

MBEORB

WHERE SPHERES OF LIQUID GO TO GET TBOSNA CLEAN

LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: PURGE, VERBS, PRAYED, ISSUES SUDOKU PROVIDED BY SUDOKU-PUZZLES.NET friend force per unit area PEER PRESSURE 1RWH$OOQDPHVDQGVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOXQOHVVSXEOLFÀJXUHVDUHEHLQJVDWLUL]HG 5HPHPEHUWKHVHDUHDOOMRNHV7RFRQWDFWXVHPDLOÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGX)RUPRUH Editorial Board: Jeremy Keeshin, Zach Galant, Adam Adler, Laney Kuenzel, LQIRUPDWLRQDQGPRUHFRQWHQWYLVLWVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP Eric Karpas, Brendan Weinstein, Stephanie Weber Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 7, No. 67 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Chefs and Potters Unions Show Strong Support for Prop. 19 Both the California chefs and potters unions declared support for Proposition 19, the statewide referendum to legalize the recreational use of marijuana in California. Famous TV Chef Emeril Lagasse, a senior member of the chefs union, commented, “Pot is the most important tool for a chef. Without it, we’re nothing.” Lagasse continued, “You light the pot up from underneath and then BOOM! You’re cooking—that’s the only way to Winner of The Flipside do it.” Halloween Costume +PMN  :QKPIZL 3ZIRVaS IT[W KTIZQÅML ¹

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 4049 7KHQXPEHURIIUHTXHQWÁLHUPLOHVHDUQHGODVWZHHN E\WKHERPEVVHQWIURP

&KHFNRXWORWVRIQHZXQSXEOLVKHGFRQWHQW

last week’s answers: HALF MARATHON, EMAIL, UNDER THE WEATHER, HYHU\GD\RQOLQHDWVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP! CAPS LOCK This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT Q = A B QV ZSWCBWZUL KOQK UCUXH FSH, BW OBI OUQXK, DSETL XQK- OUX IKUQT IUZSWL FQIU KOQW QW QEKSVSFBTU. -KSV ZTQXG

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: I AM THE WISEST MAN ALIVE, FOR I KNOW ONE THING, AND THAT IS THAT I KNOW NOTHING. -SOCRATES

Fill in the grid so each column, Unscramble these four ordinary SUDOKU row, and 3x3 box has the JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in numbers 1 through 9. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ Level: Training wheels

LDAPI

ERTEB

SAYNER

WHERE HALLOWEEN TREATS GO TO GET NAYNCO DRUNK

LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: BENCH, FLUNK, BOMBER, BATONS SUDOKU PROVIDED BY SUDOKU-PUZZLES.NET where spheres of liquid go to get clean BUBBLE BATH 1RWH$OOQDPHVDQGVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOXQOHVVSXEOLFÀJXUHVDUHEHLQJVDWLUL]HG 5HPHPEHUWKHVHDUHDOOMRNHV7RFRQWDFWXVHPDLOÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGX)RUPRUH Editorial Board: Jeremy Keeshin, Zach Galant, Adam Adler, Laney Kuenzel, LQIRUPDWLRQDQGPRUHFRQWHQWYLVLWVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP Eric Karpas, Brendan Weinstein, Stephanie Weber Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 8, No. 68 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES SHPRC Advocates Bike Helmets as a New Form of Birth Control Last week, the SHPRC launched a major campaign advocating the use of bike helmets as a new form of birth control following the release of a study from the Stanford School of Medicine. +WVKMZVML UW\PMZ[ PI^M ZMXWZ\ML WV \PM MNÅKIKa of this new form of birth control. “Since he started wearing a helmet two months ago, he hasn’t come even close to getting a girl pregnant,” said Palo Alto resident Spoken Word Collective Lauren Grolam. Accepts First Mute Member Following the release of the study, an abundance WN  ][ML PMTUM\[ PI^M JMMV NW]VL TaQVO WV \PM ÆWWZ[ of dorm rooms around campus. Bike helmet activists caution that users should not be wearing helmets that The medical school conducted a very quantitative study which leds to their friends have worn previously. these results. However, many fear that the use of helmets will just ¹?PMV \PM ][MZ X]\[ WV PQ[ PMTUM\º M`XTIQVML create new problems. It has been discovered that some 4IUJIZ\ ¹_M ÅVL \PI\ PM JMKWUM[ [W I_S_IZL users have been wearing two helmets, which undoes \PI\ Q\ ZMXMT[ ITT NMUITM[ QV \PM VMIZJa IZMI

STUDY: 99% OF BABIES SHOW SIGNS OF ALZHEIMER’S Facebook Adds Ability To Share Masturbatory said Hilton. “If your child is startled Habits With Friends or delighted when you uncover your eyes with your hands and say ‘PEEK-A-BOO!’ it is most likely Alzheimer’s interfering with their sense of object permanence.” Likewise, developed motor skills Uncontrolled drooling is a sign of early often take a turn for the worse Alzheimer’s after the onset of Alzheimer’s. Facebook, always looking for M`I[XMZI\ML¹1UMIV1¼UVW\OWVVI Researchers around the world “If your baby stumbles or innovative ways to change the social lie about bustin’ a nut in the CoHo are grappling with a disturbing even falls when taking their norms, has added a new feature to Steph, cause she’s totally hot, but trend that has sent shockwaves ÅZ[\ [\MX[ aW] [PW]TL N]Z\PMZ allowing users to record their it doesn’t mean anything.” reverberating through the medical test for Alzheimer’s by asking masturbatory habits. Facebook has also come under community: almost 100 percent them to read a passage out of “I mean, masturbation is a huge ÅZM NWZ QVIL^MZ\MV\Ta W]\QVO [WUM of children under the age of two a well-known book—“David part of life, and it’s time we recognize people. Sophomore Jake Burke show telltale signs of primary +WXXMZÅMTLºNWZM`IUXTM1N \PMa that,” said Mark Zuckerberg, CEO recently tagged his best friend in a degenerative dementia. stare blankly or try to chew on the of Facebook. “Plus, this combines masturbation post, and when his ¹

*RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRUHDGQHZ XQSXEOLVKHGFRQWHQWHYHU\GD\ last week’s answers: POISON IVY, TWO PERCENT MILK, SOMEONE, RUN OUT OF MONEY This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT S = E YCS BEWWSFSAGS PSYMSSA ISFOSQSFDAGS DAB NPOYEADGV EO YCDY NAS GNRSO WFNR D OYFNAZ MEKK, DAB YCS NYCSF WFNR D OYFNAZ MNA’Y. -CSAFV MDFB PSSGCSF LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: I AM CONVINCED THAT EVERY BOY, IN HIS HEART, WOULD RATHER STEAL SECOND BASE THAN AN AUTOMOBILE. -TOM CLARK

Fill in the grid so each column, Unscramble these four ordinary SUDOKU row, and 3x3 box has the JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in numbers 1 through 9. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ Level: Right on!

TECAU

USMEA

SPRONE

WHAT THEY CALLED NDCERH THE NASA POPULATION

LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: PLAID, BERET, YEARNS, CANYON SUDOKU PROVIDED BY SUDOKU-PUZZLES.NET where halloween treats go to get drunk CANDY BAR 1RWH$OOQDPHVDQGVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOXQOHVVSXEOLFÀJXUHVDUHEHLQJVDWLUL]HG 5HPHPEHUWKHVHDUHDOOMRNHV7RFRQWDFWXVHPDLOÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGX)RUPRUH Editorial Board: Jeremy Keeshin, Zach Galant, Adam Adler, Laney Kuenzel, LQIRUPDWLRQDQGPRUHFRQWHQWYLVLWVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP Eric Karpas, Brendan Weinstein, Stephanie Weber Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 9, No. 69. Nice ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Andrew Luck Fails to Get Enough Loyalty Points to Attend Big Game In what is certainly a disappointing revelation for fans of this year’s high-ranking Stanford football team, it has been discovered that star quarterback Andrew Luck does not have enough loyalty points to attend big game for free. “It’s fucking ridiculous,” stated a furious Luck at a press conference earlier this afternoon, “I was too busy Angry Drunk Tells Stem playing in all of the other games to swipe my card.” Cell Scientist to Grow a Pair “I’m going to put Owen Marecic in as quarterback”

As a result of Luck’s ineligibility to attend Big Star QB Luck is unfortunately unable to play in this week’s Game, the football team has been burdened with the game. LQNÅK]T\\I[SWN ÅVLQVO\PMY]IZ\MZJIKS¼[ZMXTIKMUMV\ It was initially rumored that Coach Jim Harbaugh was Cal won’t know how to react when the same guy is going to put his wife, who he has previously stated is as playing both fullback and quarterback simultaneously. perfect as Luck, behind center. However, this rumor Then by the time he gets into position as a linebacker was quickly dispelled by the Cardinal coach. \PMa¼TTR][\JM\WW[\]VVML\WX]\]XIÅOP\º Report: Women More Likely “I’m going to put Owen Marecic in as quarterback,” Alternatively, Luck could just pay $65 to attend the To Fake Moon Landing he revealed, “he already kind of does everything anyway. game and this whole issue would be resolved. (Karpas) Than Men Controversy Emerges as to Whether Shakespeare Really Wrote “Gaieties” Predictions: Stanford vs. Cal with the rest of the classic Shakespearean comedies. STANFORD 28, CAL 0: Stanford has the The strongest fringe theory refuting best coach, the best offensive line, and the Shakespeare’s authorship of “Gaieties” is the most complete defense in the game of football. OZW]XWN NW]Z\WÅ^M[MTNXZWKTIQUML¹/IQM\QM[ Cal students are bitter about not getting into Writers” who claim to have written the play. Stanford. “Guys, seriously, we wrote it,” claims head writer Nick DeWilde. STANFORD 147, CAL 0: The Cardinal Many Shakespearean scholars are not defense can’t be penetrated. Cal is a school full convinced. “Shakespeare may have been forced of cowards. to hide his identity due to extremely complex issues of social status, gender, or simply because STANFORD 1000, CAL 0: Cal’s offense he wanted to avoid the wrath of Muwekma- []KS[I[][]IT)VLZM_4]KS_QTTPI^MIÅMTL Tah-Ruk,” said Professor Ian Holmart. day against Cal’s shitty defense. The tree will As part of the annual Big Game festivities, Others point to the uncanny and convincing cum on the Golden Bear’s face. Cal sucks. Stanford students will be performing “Gaieties” similarities between Gaieties and typical (Kravitz) on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of this Shakespearean performances, including the week. Each and every year, this performance presence of actors, the existence of a stage, and Journalists Respond to New is accompanied by a heated debate in the the use of a script containing predominantly Stanford community regarding the origins of English dialogue. This camp has also Research on Attention Span \PQ[OMVMZI\QWVLMÅVQVOVIZZI\Q^M spawned a more moderate wing which claims Due to a slew of recent studies demonstrating While many students and staff members that “Gaieties” was not, in fact, written by that the majority of Americans can only are convinced that the play was written by the Shakespeare, but was just a very poor translation maintain their focus through a single sentence, great English playwright William Shakespeare, of Shakespeare’s “The Taming of the Shrew.” journalists from many leading newspapers have an equally large contingent contest this The most recent development in this age- begun to write dramatically shorter articles. claim. Those who don’t believe Shakespeare old debate revolves around the meter of the (Kuenzel) wrote Gaieties point to the unusual syntactical “Gaieties” script. The play is conspicuously structure, awkward character development, and devoid of Shakespeare’s characteristic iambic new content online every day @ abnormal plot trajectory that are incongruous XMV\IUM\MZJ]\WVI^MZIOMWVTaÅ^MW]\WN \MV people surveyed stressed this point. (Hoffer) Z[HUMVYKÅPWZPKLJVT Note: In the print edition of last week’s issue, we accidentally used a picture of Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers student who committed suicide. We did a random image search for a student, and we were unaware of who this person was. We regret the use of the photo. THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:'DQLHO+ROVWHLQ 4827(´,ZURWHDERRN,GLGQ·WHYHQNQRZ,FRXOGUHDGµ*HRUJH:%XVK Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 12:01 7KHWLPHHDUO\RQ)ULGD\PRUQLQJWKDWZLOOPDUNWKH EHJLQQLQJRIWKHHQGRI\RXUFKLOGKRRG/XFNLO\WKDQNV WR:DUQHU%URWKHUV·GHFLVLRQWRVSOLWWKHODVWPRYLHLQWR WZRSDUWVWKHHQGRIWKHHQGRI\RXUFKLOGKRRGZRQ·W KDSSHQIRUHLJKWPRQWKV6R\RXKDYHSOHQW\RIWLPHWRVLS \RXU-XLF\-XLFHZDWFKUHUXQVRI+H\$UQROGDQGFROOHFW %HDQLH%DELHVXQWLO+DUU\3RWWHUHQGVIRUJRRG$JDLQ

last week’s answers: BRADY BUNCH, SIGNIFICANT OTHER, REALISM, *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP1RZ INCENTIVE This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT J = T DJ DX V RNWDKNX JUDET, UVWWA, ZNJ SYWUVSX JUKXY GUK VWY ZYXJ XNDJYO JK SKGYW VWY JUKXY GUK UVIY EYIYW XKNTUJ DJ. -ONBZCYOKWY

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PERSEVERANCE AND OBSTINACY IS THAT ONE COMES FROM A STRONG WILL, AND THE OTHER FROM A STRONG WON’T. -HENRY WARD BEECHER

Fill in the grid so each column, Unscramble these four ordinary SUDOKU row, and 3x3 box has the JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in numbers 1 through 9. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ Level: N.E.W.T. exams

CIHWT

HOTSG

MSRHAC

WHAT THEY CALLED THE CAP WITH OCD GNADOR TENDENCIES

LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: ACUTE, AMUSE, PERSON, DRENCH SUDOKU PROVIDED BY SUDOKU-PUZZLES.NET what they called the NASA population SPACE RACE 1RWH$OOQDPHVDQGVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOXQOHVVSXEOLFÀJXUHVDUHEHLQJVDWLUL]HG 5HPHPEHUWKHVHDUHDOOMRNHV7RFRQWDFWXVHPDLOÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGX)RUPRUH Editorial Board: Jeremy Keeshin, Zach Galant, Adam Adler, Laney Kuenzel, LQIRUPDWLRQDQGPRUHFRQWHQWYLVLWVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP Eric Karpas, Brendan Weinstein, Stephanie Weber Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 10, No. 70 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Stanford to Meet Electricity, Heating Needs by Harnessing President Hennessey’s Raw Sexual Energy In an effort to remain a leader in environmental sustainability, Stanford has announced plans to capture and use University President John Hennessy’s raw sexual energy to meet the campus’s ever-growing energy needs. Similar to wind or solar power, the plan relies on a converting a naturally abundant, renewable Dogs Love TSA Pat Down and seemingly limitless source of energy into a usable Agents form such as electricity or heat. The administration is

“I realized I just had to tap that… I mean tap that potential for clean, renewable energy.” President Hennessey emits raw sexual energy the room. They had an answer. One board member KWVÅLMV\ \PI\ \PQ[ VM_ XZWRMK\ I[[]UQVO 0MVVM[[a said of the moment, “I’ve always found John to be a keeps with his current exercise regimen and diet, will very attractive older man, but I mean [shivers]…that Local Student Travels to meet 50% of the university’s energy needs when it goes VQOP\Q\R][\PQ\UM1ZMITQbML1R][\PIL\W\IX\PI\°1 Congo For Volunteer into effect in 2012. mean tap that potential for clean, renewable energy.” Project of Letting People in

Review of Activision’s Call of Booty: Black Cops Video Game Terrorist Nervous On First +ITTWN *WW\a"*TIKS+WX[Q[IÅZ[\XMZ[WV Day as Suicide Bomber shooter with stealth and tactical play aspects Luke Patterson, an Al-Qaeda operative from that puts players in the role of an African- Colorado, reportedly feels “really nervous” on American cop looking to have sex with a large PQ[ÅZ[\LIaI[I[]QKQLMJWUJMZ variety of women. Created with the input of “What if they make fun of me for wearing actual black cops, the game mixes traditional a hand-me-down bomb vest?” said Luke. “Not Call of Booty tactical gameplay with new everybody’s daddy can buy them new bomb gameplay options designed to expand the ^M[\[IVL1LWV¼\_IVVIUISMIJILÅZ[\IVL players’ experience. last impression.” Additional features include extensive Luke’s mother made several attempts to multiplayer options, along with new weapons reassure him, including rubbing his tummy, and even more realistic looking penises. Now singing “You Are My Sunshine,” and making with over forty different missions, Call of PQU I XMIV]\ J]\\MZ IVL RMTTa [IVL_QKP _Q\P Cover for the new Call of Booty game. This soldier is Booty provides hours of entertainment for the \PMKZ][\[K]\WNN ¹R][\\PM_IaPMTQSM[Q\º DERXWWRÀQGPDVVLYHERRW\ whole family. “Don’t you worry about a thing, my Three booty calls in a row earns you a little bundle of honey-chuckles,” said Mrs. booty streak reward: more booty. Add in a 8I\\MZ[WV¹1¼U[]ZMaW]ZÅZ[\LIaQ[OWVVIJM check out new content community of several hundred thousand a blast!” every day online at online, and the variety only gets better. The Despite Mrs. Patterson’s best efforts, Luke bottom line is this: if you like black cops and remained nervous. Z[HUMVYKÅPWZPKLJVT you like booty, then Call of Booty: Black Cops ¹1R][\PWXM1KIVUISMQ\\PZW]OP\PMLIaQV Q[\PMOIUMNWZaW]3ZI^Q\b one piece,” said Luke. (Evans) THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:%ULGJHW9XRQJ QUOTE: “You can see people naked? How can I get a job for the TSA?!” - John Doe, American Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 2,000,000,000 The total number of pounds gained by Americans on Thanksgiving this year. Knowledge of this statistic has caused an overwhelming number of British people to move to the U.S. hoping to strike it rich. Unfortunately, the U.S. economy has not been able to handle the large num- EHURI%ULWLVKPLJUDQWVVRPRVW%ULWLVK$PHULFDQVÀQG themselves working for minimum wage in textile plants.

last week’s answers: JK ROWLING, MUGGLE, DIVINATION, ALBUS Simon says, “Check out VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP!” DUMBLEDORE This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT W = S Z KJWWNINWE NW FTJ YAF IZQJW HNPPNDSBENJW FP ANW FKKFVESTNENJW, ZTH ZT FKENINWE NW FTJ YAF IZQJW FKKFVESTNENJW FP ANW HNPPNDSBENJW. -AZVVC EVSIZT

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: IT IS A CURIOUS THING, HARRY, BUT PERHAPS THOSE WHO ARE BEST SUITED TO POWER ARE THOSE WHO HAVE NEVER SOUGHT IT. -ALBUS DUMBLEDORE www. Sudoku-Puzzles .net Sudoku, Kakuro & Futoshiki Puzzles Fill in the grid so each column, Unscramble these four ordinary SUDOKU row, and 3x3 box has the JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in numbers 1 through 9. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ Level: Preteen Sudoku 9x9 - Medium (135288238) 8 5 1 9 NWKAS 3 2 5

5 4 3 1 ZAELG 9 8

1 9 LDWHEO 4 6 THE SEVEN 6 7 2 9 LIFELESS DAYS RDEAPA 4 8 1

5 8 6 7

SUDOKU PROVIDED BYwww.sudoku-puzzles.net SUDOKU-PUZZLES.NET 7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: WITCH, GHOST, CHARMS, DRAGON PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR what they called the cap with OCD tendencies SORTING HAT UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZHSolution: ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQwww.sudoku-puzzles.net (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 11, No. 71 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Man Spends 127 Minutes Stuck in Winter Coat Study Finds Mescaline Becoming Popular In what is perhaps the most inspirational story of the year, Study Drug Pittsburgh man Tom Welsh spent over A recent study conducted by the two hours trapped in his winter coat federal Drug Enforcement Agency before cutting himself out with a pair has found that mescaline is starting to of nail clippers. The incident occurred replace Adderall and caffeine as the in late November, when Welsh got study drug of choice on some college home from a night of drinking alone campuses. Mescaline, a derivative in a neighborhood bar and tried to of the peyote cactus, causes vivid NYC Celebrates the Whitest remove his coat. Unfortunately, the hallucinations punctuated by Kwanzaa in Decades zipper had broken. “I tried pulling it projectile vomiting. The substance from like thirty different angles, but it has been used by some Native wouldn’t budge. I really started to panic American tribes as part of spiritual at that point,” recalls Welsh. “Stupidly rites for many years. Some argue the enough, I hadn’t told anybody what I drug provides clarity and facilitates was doing or even that I was planning Movie poster for 127 Minutes. KZMI\Q^Q\a_PMV_WZSQVOWVILQNÅK]T\ to wear my winter coat that night.” problem or paper. For the next two hours, Welsh Today, Welsh keeps the cut coat in One student surveyed reported paced around his kitchen sweating a frame above his bed as a reminder having been contacted by his spirit profusely due to his coat’s fur lining of what could have been. He has been animal while working on a problem Birthers Who Meet Obama and becoming increasingly delirious. invited to give motivational speeches set. He said of the incident, “The in Person Want Better About to give up hope, Welsh had a throughout the U.S. and even in words on the page rearranged in Evidence that it Was vivid hallucination of his father calling Canada. “I try to show people that the shape of possum and it started Actually Obama him a dumbass and telling him to get even though they might view me as talking. It told me the answer was his shit together. “I think some sort of some sort of superhuman, I’m just 17 and also that my roommate is the New Online-Only primitive survival instinct kicked in. I an ordinary guy. Anybody could have reincarnation of Richard Nixon.” Content Every Day at took the nail clippers from my pocket done what I did.” Warner Brothers Experts also note that there is VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP and started clipping away frantically at has already begun work on a feature a very real danger of becoming \PMKWI\º;M^MVUQV]\M[TI\MZÅVITTa ÅTU [\IZZQVO 2IUM[ .ZIVKW \PI\ _QTT dependent on the drug and have free, Welsh collapsed on his kitchen bring Welsh’s story to the big screen, already found several students who INSIDE: Ethics Professor ÆWWZ_PMZMPQ[ZWWUUI\MNW]VLPQU giving viewers the courage to conquer can not face the day, let alone attend Holds Firm in Plans to Mark the next morning surrounded by a adversity and follow their dreams. class or study, without embarking on Football Team Tardy: puddle of his own urine. (Kuenzel) a spirit quest and tripping balls for up “It’s Simply Not Fair” to 12 hours. (Doherty) People Start Using “Cause They Rapin’ Everybody Out There” Kanye West Releases New Tweet As a Reason For Everything

Two days ago, 14 year old troublemaker, Timmy everybody out there.’ I just don’t know what to do 2MNNZQM[ [PW_ML ]X \W KTI[[ TI\M IVL \PM \MIKPMZ with him.” questioned him. He replied that he didn’t make Timmy isn’t the only one using the phrase to it on time “Cause They Rapin’ Everybody Out explain his decisions. It’s apparently spreading There.” throughout the nation, even to the Supreme The blogoverse and the twismos have The teacher was not amused, but his class got a Court. erupted in discussion after the release of Kanye few good laughs out of it. Since then, he decided 4I[\6QOP\+PQMN 2][\QKM2WPV:WJMZ\[M`XTIQVML West’s latest tweet. Many have said they it was an appropriate answer to every question his opposition to a new bill threatening to overturn preferred Kanye’s earlier tweets and feel that including the word “why.” the ruling of Roe v. Wade. The Bill would prevent his newer tweets are too experimental. “When ?PQTMI\ÅZ[\XMWXTM\PW]OP\PM_I[[WN]KSQVO mothers from getting a legal abortion, even under Kanye tweeted, ‘You have to balance ignorance funny for referencing a hilarious YouTube video in extreme circumstances. with intellect! Can’t have school with out real life, it quickly got old. His gratuitous use of the Roberts told reporters, “We have to be conscious recess! #Greatesttweetofalltime,’ he really phrase has evidently caused his friends and family of women who are pregnant by accident. It’s just captured the zeitgeist of our generation,” to get “pretty pissed off ” at him. becoming increasingly common because they said professional twittermeister Kevin Willis. ¹1\_I[XZM\\aN]VVa_PMVPMÅZ[\[\IZ\ML[IaQVO rapin’ everybody out there.” However, many twitics around the nation have Q\º[IQLPQ[NZQMVL2IKS¹J]\\PMZMQ[R][\VW_Ia\PM When asked what he would do if the bill were commended Kanye on creating a new genre of reason he can’t come over after school is ‘cause they passed and abortions were made illegal, he calmly tweets. “This isn’t the same Kanye who tweeted rapin’ everybody out there.’ It’s just dumb.” replied, “I would hide my kids, hide my wife, and I ‘@videocrazy999 goodluck : ))))’ just minutes Timmy’s mother was also pretty disturbed by his recommend you do the same.” (Galant) before. This is the start of a new era. We can use of the phrase. “I wanted to ask him why he was only expect great things from here.” (Keeshin) saying it, but I knew he’d just say ‘Cause they rapin’ THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last time’s winner:%UDQGRQ6 QUOTE: “My New Year’s resolution is to break my resolution. Ha! That’s a paradox!” -Smartass philosophy major Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 300 The number of calories in the Orange Bowl, as well as the percentage daily value of Vitamin C that it FRQWDLQV7KLVLVVLJQLÀFDQWO\IHZHUFDORULHVWKDQRQH ZRXOGÀQGLQWKH7RVWLWRV)LHVWD%RZORULQWKH6XJDU %RZODQGLQÀQLWHO\KLJKHUQXWULWLRQDOYDOXHWKDQWKH inedible Rose Bowl. Thus, the Orange Bowl is the healthiest option for Stanford fans, who no longer have to worry about scurvy, obesity, or starvation.

last time’s answers: FORMAL ATTIRE, INDISPENSABLE, 98 DEGREES, All the cool kids are reading VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP. PLAY ON WORDS This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT C = E MT HDZ PYLC JZMEI RYVIECV MK IPC YMB, HDZB UDBN KCCF KDI JC EDVI; IPYI MV UPCBC IPCH VPDZEF JC. KDU GZI IPC TDZKFYIMDKV ZKFCB IPCX. -PCKBH FYLMF IPDBCYZ

LAST TIME’S ANSWER: A PESSIMIST IS ONE WHO MAKES DIFFICULTIES OF HIS OPPORTUNITIES, AND AN OPTIMIST IS ONE WHO MAKES OP- PORTUNITIES OF HIS DIFFICULTIES. -HARRY TRUMAN Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt which will FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ cost $8. Available in all sizes and many colors. Find someone on the Flipside, RUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH BSAUC

BARRO

KYBERA

WHAT THEY CALLED THE GRIZZLY WITH GATTER ITS FUR SHAVED OFF

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST TIME’S ANSWERS: SWANK, GLAZE, HOWLED, PARADE the PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR seven lifeless days DEAD WEEK UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 12, No. 72 ww.stanfordÁ ips Orange Bowl Issue HEADLINES Stanford Tells Students: ‘Shut the Luck Up’ Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck has announced that he will stay with the school to play his redshirt junior year. However, Stanford has other plans for Luck. The school has just mandated “Operation Shut the Luck Up,” a school-wide program to prevent Luck from ever leaving the school. After the Stanford football team failed to keep Toby Stanford Celebrates Orange Gerhart from entering the NFL, the school is instituting Bowl Victory By Getting Rid a lockdown on Andrew Luck. “By keeping Luck as of Top Coach quarterback for another 5, 10 or even 20 years, we can ensure that the Stanford football legacy will continue,” said Bob Bowlsby, the Stanford director of athletics. His professors have been warned that they must fail Luck in any future classes he takesMovie poster for 127 to prevent him from graduating. If Minutes. students see Luck around campus, they are instructed to jump and pin him down until a President Hennessy announces the new ‘Shut [KPWWTWNÅKQITKIVIZZQ^M;\]LMV\[IZMKI]\QWVML\PI\ the Luck Up’ policy at a conference in memo- Luck is powerful and may try to defend himself. If you rial Auditorium. Here Hennessy is holding a New Edition of Huckleberry think you see Luck, please press the red button on one Finn Will Eliminate of the many white emergency towers located on main Luck model to demonstrate the policy. Offensive Words Like travel routes around campus or please call the hotline Huckleberry (800)-SHUTLUCK. (Collison)

Harbaugh Announces He OP-ED: THERE WILL BE MANY MORE BOWL GAMES, BUT Will Leave Stanford to ONLY ONE FIRST DAY OF WINTER QUARTER 2011. Coach High School Football They say everybody and watching a big football game on TV with does things they regret. your friends…well, I would just have to do That statement has never without those. rang truer than it does So I tell you now: Learn from my mistakes. VW_ VW_ I[ 1¼U ÆaQVO If something amazing comes your way that on the plane home from probably won’t come your way again, just Miami, wondering what might have been. Sure, going to the orange bowl “Don’t just picture was the sensible thing to do, but there are certain opportunities that only come knocking the eager faces of your once in a lifetime and I just let one walk away without even answering the door. friends in line at the post I spent most of the game eagerly checking VĄJL!IL[OLYL¹ In a recent press conference, Jim Harbaugh my cell phone to see if any of my friends who announced that he will be leaving Stanford to had stayed would happen to text and give me pursue “a deal he just couldn’t pass up.” updates on what was going on back at school:

0D\ZHNLQGO\VXJJHVWWKDW\RXFRQVLGHUYLVLWLQJ

last time’s answers: TOOLBOX, HEAVY DRINKER, TALE OF TWO CITIES, VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP? TECTONIC PLATES This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT W = E SC AMYI PKWWJ XIWK’Z FIWWK RA ZVW WKN MC ZVW NXA, AMY MYFVZ ZM JWISMYJGA IW-WOXUSKW AMYI GSCW. -RSGG LXZZWIJMK

LAST TIME’S ANSWER: IF YOU HAVE BUILT CASTLES IN THE AIR, YOUR WORK NEED NOT BE LOST; THAT IS WHERE THEY SHOULD BE. NOW PUT THE FOUNDATIONS UNDER THEM. -HENRY DAVID THOREAU Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt. This weeks FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ design is available on a white shirt or tank in all sizes for $5. Find someone on WKH)OLSVLGHRUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH EEVAL

SILJA

MOXISA

THE JELLY THAT COMES FROM WITHIN PRUBEM AN OYSTER

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST TIME’S ANSWERS: SCUBA, ARBOR, BAKERY, TARGET what they PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR called the grizzly with its fur shaved off BARE BEAR UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 13, No. 73 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES One Lost in Tragic Karel Crash Freshman Stu Baker was emotionally scarred on Wednesday night when his Karel collided with the east wall along the eighth avenue of CollectNewsPaperKarel. A witness saw Karel allegedly move forward four times and make a right turn before leaving the house. “And that’s when the mayhem began,” said Beth Shaker.

Stockpiled Four Lokos Running Out After Harsh “Police report that syntax errors Winter and bad indentation were found on the crime scene near line 38.”

“Something wasn’t right. Karel should have picked up the newspaper, but instead he just kept going and going A screenshot from the Karel crash. and crash! I had never seen one so close before. It’s so much louder in person.” ok,” remarked junior Jeff Spiegels. “Not even the CS106A professor knows how those checks turn into Developers Release New Police report that syntax errors and bad indentation Paperweight App For were found on the crime scene near line 38. a grade. The kid will probably still end up with an A.” iPhone One grade bucket was thought to have been lost in (Conner) the crash, but no one knows for certain. “Hey, that’s

ASSU Speakers’ Bureau Students Discuss How National Lampoon Brings Antoine Dodson Fucking Hammered They Announces New Flick, to Campus in Response to Got Last Weekend During ‘Hot Prowl’ Hot Prowl Lecture On Monday In an effort to deter further Director David Fincher activities of criminal trespassing, the Sued By Best Friend Over ASSU Speakers’ Bureau has invited Who Directed “The Social Antoine Dodson to speak at Cubberly Network” Auditorium next Tuesday. Known nationally for his expertise on criminality, focusing on discouraging criminals from being Following their last big hit, the “so dumb,” and rallying law-abiding Students in IHUM: Journeys makers of ‘Animal House’ and citizens around the anthem “we gon’ discussed how they all got so ‘National Lampoon’s Bagboy’ ÀQG\RXµ$QWRLQH'RGVRQ·VSUHVHQFH fucking wasted they couldn’t even PI^MIVVW]VKML\PMQZVM_M[\ÅTU shows the University’s hard line on the walk straight during class on ‘College Campus: Hot Prowl.’ recent criminal activity. Monday. One freshman said that The movie features Emma Watson Representatives from the Speakers’ he had planned to go out to the Email Recipient Not Sure If as Chloe Vermuth, an attractive Bureau have indicated that Mr. row, but ended up taking so many He is Intended Recipient or young co-ed who is trying to Just Recipient Dodson plans to continue to push his shots that he didn’t even leave his retrace the steps of the three men rhetoric which traditionally empowers dorm. His friend said, “Man, we who stole her laptop but captured and protects would-be victims by had like a ton of 30 racks of Natty. her heart. Chaos ensues as Chloe delivering them highly relevant And we played beer pong until goes from party to party and information and evidence. we literally couldn’t hit any cups ZWWU\WZWWUQVIVMNNWZ\\WÅVL Check Out Said Antoine Dodson, “I’m not anymore. We were like, totally her true love before the hot prowl sure why everyone keeps telling piss-ass drunk.” Many students VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP ends. Hailed by Ebert and Roeper me to hide my wife and kids. I’ll be felt so shitty the next day that they I[ ¹

Hungry? Why wait? Grab a Snickers! And then visit ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP. last week’s answers: DOOR TO DOOR, NOBLEMAN, TWENTY TWENTY DIVISION, DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT G = A

JGARKCVV YGKKQU JABPC QXU JGARKCVV; QKDN DBHMU YGK JQ UMGU. MGUC

YGKKQU JABPC QXU MGUC; QKDN DQPC YGK JQ UMGU. -EGAUBK DXUMCA RBKH, LA.

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: IF YOUR KNEES AREN’T GREEN BY THE END OF THE DAY, YOU OUGHT TO SERIOUSLY RE-EXAMINE YOUR LIFE. -BILL WATTERSON Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt. This weeks FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ design is available on a white shirt in all sizes. Find someone on the Flipside, RUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH ULIQL

PSEPI

UCHPIC

WHAT THEY CALLED LOBEHB THE TRENDY JUMP

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: LEAVE, JAILS, AXIOMS, BUMPER the jelly PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR that comes from within an oyster PEARL JAM UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 14, No. 74 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES NASCAR to Add Rainbow Road Course to 2011 Schedule

In an effort to reverse a trend of declining viewership, as well as spread the sport to a new demographic, NASCAR executives have announced the decision to hold a race at Rainbow Road during the 2011 season. ,]M \W \PM WZOIVQbI\QWVIT LQNÅK]T\a WN  PW[\QVO I large-scale event at such a remote site, preparations JMOIV ITUW[\ QUUMLQI\MTa \W MV[]ZM \PM []KKM[[ WN  the 150cc race. Drivers have begun practicing their Media Outraged At Sarah aim with green shells while power-sliding around Palin’s New Website Graphic JIVSML\]ZV[IVLI^WQLQVOMVMUa¼[JIVIVI[8Q\KZM_[ VW\WVTaPI^M\W_WZZaIJW]\\QZMKPIVOM[IVLY]QKS ZMN]MT[J]\\PMaPI^M\WKWWZLQVI\M_Q\P4ISQ\]QV\PM event that their drivers fall off the edge and need to be recovered. Earnhardt Jr. gets ready to take on the Rainbow Road. “It has been a tremendous challenge for me XMZ[WVITTaº M`XTIQV[ ^M\MZIV 6);+): LZQ^MZ ,ITM ¹7VM WN  \PM UMV\IT [\Z]OOTM[ NWZ UMº KTIQU[ Earnhardt Jr., “because those fake items boxes just look 2WPV[WV¹Q[\PI\\PQ[KW]Z[M_QTTIK\]ITTaQVKT]LMZQOP\ \WWU]KPTQSM\PMZMIT\PQVO5aKZM_IVL1VMML\W \]ZV[_PQKPQ[[WUM\PQVO1IUVW\IKK][\WUML\W1\¼[ work to overcome this obstacle in the weeks leading up ]X[M\\QVOJ]\Q\¼[WVTaWVKMZIKMIVLQ\¼[VW\[WUM\PQVO \W\PMZIKMº \PI\1IU_QTTQVO\WZIOMY]Q\UaRWJW^MZº +WV[XQZIKa \PMWZQ[\[ PI^M IT[W KTIQUML \PI\ \PQ[ Chinese Man Arrested As usual, the Sprint Cup Series race will be preceded UW^M UIa JM XZWUX\ML Ja IV I\\MUX\ \W ]V[MML \PMLIaJMNWZMJa\PM6I\QWV_QLM;MZQM[ZIKM_PQKP Å^M\QUM LMNMVLQVO ;XZQV\ +]X +PIUXQWV 2QUUQM _QTTJMPW[\MLI\*W_[MZ¼[+I[\TM0WNNMZ FKHFNVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP 2WPV[WV_PWPQ[\WZQKITTaÅVQ[PM[XWWZTaI\X[aKPMLMTQK for new content every day! intergalactic race courses.

Student Has Midterm Crisis, Finds “Min and Chu Plus 2” Tops )XOÀOOPHQWLQ1HZ%LNH Chinese TV Ratings

The last thing James ;]LLMVTaPMNW]VLPQU[MTN I 1\[[MKZM\\W[]KKM[['¹

With a parent’s permission, log on to the world wide last week’s answers: OVERSEAS STUDIES, ALGORITHM, TIC TAC TOE, web, and surf on over to VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP! MEAN GIRLS This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT M = N QBMBDR VEXR PEH EMP GV PTMV UBFR BF. HTK REIV PTMV UREF HTK XTKOP. DTJV GOKMPVYD EMP EGDKYPBFBVD MT PTKGF XYVSF BM; QTYLVF FRVJ ED DTTM ED HTK XEM. -YEOSR UEOPT VJVYDTM

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: DARKNESS CANNOT DRIVE OUT DARKNESS; ONLY LIGHT CAN DO THAT. HATE CANNOT DRIVE OUT HATE; ONLY LOVE CAN DO THAT. -MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. This FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ weeks design is available on a white shirt in all sizes. Find someone on the Flip- VLGHRUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN EHBTR

KUMYR

NATLUW

THE BATTLE BETWEEN ATTUME THE TWO DIGITS

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: QUILL, PIPES, HICCUP, HOBBLE what they PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR called the trendy jump HIP HOP UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 15, No. 75 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Obama’s Kids Deliver Republican Response to State of the Union Address Malia and Sasha delivered the Republican response to the State of the Union this past Tuesday evening. They took a hard stance on many of the issues the president brought up, including the economy, illegal immigration, and health care. “As is typical of the democratic leadership, Dad has shown that he is too paternalistic. For example, he Obama Adds Laugh Track to makes us go to sleep too early,” said Malia. “And there State of the Union Address are many glaring issues with his economic policy. He continues taking money from Americans who work hard for their money. I can tell you from personal experience how the president has taken my allowance and given it to lazier kids who don’t work as hard. The president is always telling us to share, but we know sharing is just Sasha and Malia afer delivering the response. another word for socialism.” Sasha continued, “And on healthcare—Last week, Dad Sasha continued the criticism of her father, made me get a shot. Look, if I don’t want to go to the summarizing the Republican view on foreign policy doctor or get a shot, the government shouldn’t make and health care reform: “He won’t even let us use me. Overall, when we look at the President’s State of nuclear bombs on the bullies who are bothering us. He the Union, we see broken promises. He promised to Student Working On His tells us that we should talk out our problems instead.” take us ice skating, but he never did.” (Keeshin) .40 GPA, BAC

Drug Mule Fired Over Resume-Padding Allegations Clone Army of Undergrad Premed Interns Long time Black Eagle employee The resume also contained Created Inside SLAC Abu Nayeem was let go yesterday exaggerations designed to make amidst accusations that many critical Nayeem stand out as an exemplary I[XMK\[WN PQ[ZM[]UM_MZMNIT[QÅML drug mule candidate during the His departure has sent surprised intense interview process. Under cartel managers searching for a professional experience he listed replacement who can competently “Badass mofoing kingpin, bitch swallow condoms full of heroin and WUT,” when in reality he was a then extract them from his feces small-time marijuana dealer who once past security checkpoints. often smoked from his own supply Trouble surfaced during a and earned multiple stints in the routine indexing of company county jail. records when it was discovered that 6W_ PM ÅVL[ PQU[MTN  [MIZKPQVO Nayeem’s primary reference-- Xbox for a new job, and prospective In a press release yesterday, the high-speed pipettes. Each clone Live gamertag pistolmnky17—was employers are reluctant to bite. dean of the School of Medicine, has limited independence and an not a valid gamer ID. Nayeem’s “Sure, the guy is incredibly skilled Phillip Pizzo, declared that a clone increased growth rate. A clone secondary reference—a four year I\ OM\\QVO \PM KWKIQVMÅTTML TI\M` army of undergraduate premed of Kim can be produced in less old stray pit bull named Bruiser— glove down without gagging before interns has been created inside than 3 days. Right now the Med KW]TLVW\KWVÅZUWZLMVa_PM\PMZ he worms his way through airport the SLAC National Accelerator School has an army of 6,000 and key points on the resume were true. security,” explained rival cartel Laboratory. has enough genetic material for “His education came under leader Guzman Falconi. “But it’s The clone army is based off another 15,000 interns. intense scrutiny,” said VP of not about that. When we look the genetic template of Andy “The intern clone army Human Resources Vincent Ortega. to hire we’re looking for people Kim, from the class of 1993, represents the future of medical “Naturally we want people with who are good at communicating, who was the best research intern research. No more dealing middle school degrees, and he who are creative and innovative the school ever saw. Identical in with resume-building, crazed [MMUML\WÅ\\PMJQTT*]\Q\\]ZV[ problem solvers, who understand MCAT score, physical prowess, [WXPWUWZM[ WVTa \ZaQVO \W N]TÅTT out he dropped out of Nogales globalization and social media, and mental stamina, and shoe size, the some requirement. When we tell Middle School in 7th grade, and on most of all who are trustworthy. clones of Kim are fully equipped them we need them to come into top of that his diploma in “Cappin’ And after this it is unclear whether in white lab coats. Their faces lab on Saturday for 12 hours to the Po” was a clever forgery. It was he is any of those.” (Driscoll) are shielded with safety goggles run tests on rhino genitalia, they a complete surprise to us.” with their hands strapped into do it,” said Pizzo. (Collison) THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:'DQ+XDQJ QUOTE: “I’m in charge of salmon when they’re smoked!” -the stoner down the street, in response to Obama’s State of the Union

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 86% The percentage of Egyptian teenagers more upset about not having access to Facebook and Twitter than about living under a dictatorial regime. The other 14% were not fully aware that the Internet even existed. The other 10% were really bad at math.

Unless you live in Egypt, go online and visit ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP! last week’s answers: GRAFFITI, RIGHT OF WAY, INDIAN OCEAN, PRIME MINISTER This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT G = N T SMXTMNM TG MNMOAWCTGE HGWTX TW’R ZTRQODNMZ. RD T SMXTMNM TG UITOTMR, WCM JAWCR, ZOIEDGR. TW IXX MKTRWR, MNMG TU TW’R TG ADHO JTGZ. YCD’R WD RIA WCIW ZOMIJR IGZ GTECWJIOMR IOMG’W IR OMIX IR WCM CMOM IGZ GDY? -LDCG XMGGDG

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: FINISH EACH DAY AND BE DONE WITH IT. YOU HAVE DONE WHAT YOU COULD. SOME BLUNDERS AND ABSURDI- TIES NO DOUBT CREPT IN; FORGET THEM AS SOON AS YOU CAN. -RALPH WALDO EMERSON Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. This FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ weeks design is available on a white shirt in all sizes. Find someone on the Flip- VLGHRUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN WBALY

RNTYE

COVENI

WHAT THE WEATHER WORE AT THE FORMAL RONJAG EVENT

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: BERTH, MURKY, WALNUT, MUTATE the PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR battle between the two digits THUMB WAR UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 16, No. 76 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES FOX Announces New Reality TV Show, Last Tyrant Standing Finally, Wilkins explained how the shows’ innovative “Lifeline system” will work. “Though Last Tyrant Standing will emphasize ballot JW`[\]NÅVO\PM\aZIV\[_PWIZMVW\ as skilled at subverting democracy AA Doubles Success Rate will still be given the opportunity With New, Easier Six-Step to win. Throughout the run of the Program show, three lifelines will be given at random to some of the tyrants. These lifelines, Join the War on Terror, Find Oil, and Bribe a Lobbyist, can be In the days following Egyptian my personal favorite, ‘Extinguish used to gain support from the United President Hosni Mubarak’s decision \PM.TIUQVO-NÅOa¼º States. Each lifeline will prop up not to run for re-election, FOX has Wilkins continued to explain how the dictatorship for another decade, announced a new show for its Fall tyrants leave the show. “Contestants saving the tyrant from elimination New ‘Fight Fire With Fire’ 2011 lineup. Last Tyrant Standing will are eliminated in a weekly election, for one week.” Initiative Among US Fire- feature the world’s greatest dictators in which all candidates are given 60 ,QVHUW7HDP1DPH@:LQV6XSHU%RZO;/9 3URYHV([LVWHQFHRI*RG ,Q>,QVHUW$SSURSULDWH$GMHFWLYH@)DVKLRQ In one of the most [“thrilling”/“drama Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger In one of the more tic”/“mundane”] Super Bowls of all time, told reporters after the game, “You know, its QV\MZM[\QVO [KQMV\QÅK the [winning team] defeated the [losing such a surreal experience to [“win”/“lose”] discoveries this week, team] by a score of [higher number] to a game of this magnitude. I’m so researchers have [lower number]. [“proud”/“frustrated”] with our guys and I proven the existence Winning quarterback [name of winning just want to [“get ridiculously drunk to help of a benevolent and QB] had an impressive game, leading his celebrate this win”/“get ridiculously drunk all-powerful deity, thus team on [number] touchdown drives and to help drown out this loss”]. forever rendering ages accumulating [number] passing yards. In a critical moment of the second of religious speculation The defense also played a huge role in the quarter of the game, Packers wide receiver Doing science. and existential dread victory, forcing [number] turnovers and Greg Jennings [“did”/“did not”] suffer a pointless. stopping the opposing offense on numerous debilitating [“right”/“left”] knee injury. “This shit’s airtight,” said Richard Dawkins, a drives. :MXWZ\MZ[ PI^M KWVÅZUML \PI\ 2MVVQVO[ prominent and vocal atheist, in reference to the study’s Amidst the shower of post-game confetti, [“is”/“is not”] in critical condition at a pristine methodology. “My bad for being wrong all this Coach [name of winning coach] hoisted the local hospital. time.” Lombardi Trophy and complimented his Over [number] million viewers also John Cabbot, leader of the twelve person team of team on their performance. “I think all the tuned in to watch The Black Eyed Peas scientists responsible for the discovery, worked tirelessly at guys really came together and performed perform during the halftime show. In a Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory where he would [“well”/“slightly above mediocre”] as a shocking and unexpected incident, Fergie later discover God. collective unit. The [name of losing team] [“did”/“did not”] experience a wardrobe “It was all actually quite simple,” said Cabbot. “Once deserves [“a ton”/“very little”] respect for malfunction that revealed her breast to the we got our Higgs bosons synchronized with our dark their performance this afternoon. They national TV audience. In addition, Brett matter arrays, all we had to do was smash together some played [“exceptionally well”/“far worse Favre’s name was mentioned [number subatomic doohickeys, gather statistics, and integrate the than we had anticipated”]. higher than four] times during the Super hell out of our functions.” (Evans) Bowl broadcast. (Hoffer) THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:$OH[&KXUFKLOO QUOTE: “my ears hang low. AND they wobble too and fro” - The biggest problem from the Make Stanford Better doc.

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 2 The number of vice president scandals that have rocked Stanford in the last two years. This can only mean one thing students: a curse! First they got Quirrell, Lockhart, Lupin, and de la Torre, and now they got Wharton. Future vice presidents beware! The Chamber of Secrets has been opened, and you will never be safe again!

New content every day online @ last week’s answers: BEATBOX, OBESITY, CAPTAIN AMERICA, HEAD- ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP! QUARTERS This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT K = N BRJNSTKU QXXJOREE TZ ETIV BRJNSTKU YXAKXUARYSD. JSVAV’Z YEVKJD XQ RN- JTXK, RKM T NRK’J JRIV LD VDVZ XQQ TJ, OGJ BSVK TJ’Z XFVA, T BXKMVA BSD JSV SVEE T ZYVKJ RK RQJVAKXXK MXTKU TJ. -EGIV ZRETZOGAD

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: I BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING UNTIL IT’S DISPROVED. SO I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES, THE MYTHS, DRAGONS. IT ALL EXISTS, EVEN IF IT’S IN YOUR MIND. WHO’S TO SAY THAT DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES AREN’T AS REAL AS THE HERE AND NOW? -JOHN LENNON Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. This FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ weeks design is available on a white shirt in all sizes. Find someone on the Flip- VLGHRUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN LZBIT

NODSW

LUFMEB

THE HERO OF THE RUTEPN KITCHEN CUPBOARD

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: BYLAW, ENTRY, NOVICE, JARGON what the PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR weather wore at the formal event RAINBOW UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 17, No. 77 ww.stanfordÁ ips

HEADLINES RICH MAN, HOT YOUNG WOMAN OVERCOME OBSTACLES TO FIND TRUE LOVE It’s a story truly worthy of of their new grandmother, “Hot attention on this Valentine’s Day damn.” February 14th, and it can teach us Duke’s lawyer was also quick to just a little bit about the power of note the duo’s palpable chemistry. love. “I really saw the sparkle in her eye Christopher Duke and Amy when he was signing the will that Morgan are not your typical would leave her half of his immense married couple. He’s the 70-year- fortune. It just shows that even in old owner of multibillion dollar steel kind of a morbid situation like that, Monkey Sued for conglomerate Alcoa, and she was a Plagiarizing Shakespeare busty blonde personal trainer at the gym where he rode the stationary both really speaks volumes about “Hot damn.” bike twice a week. Yet one day she what the human heart is capable worked up the courage to seduce of.” him after his workout, and now they The loving pair does everything are happily in love. together: from buying Amy a she was just incredibly loving and “It’s pretty amazing,” said a new pink convertible with vanity excited to be with him.” family friend who wished to remain plate, to making sure Christopher So let them be a lesson for the anonymous. “Not only did they remembers to take his prostate naysayers who claim that true love have to work through a 47-year medication. Even Duke’s own is only for birds of a feather. After age difference, but on top of that teenage grandsons have expressed all, Christopher and his old wife a massive income disparity as well. awe at the deep and passionate were both old and unattractive, and Laptop Begs User Not to Pull the Plug The fact that they were able to do tenderness between the two, saying now they’re divorced. (Driscoll)

Stanford Students Found Revolutionary Opinion: Selling Chocolate Vaginas is Wrong— Startup That Does Nothing ,W2EMHFWLÀHV&KRFRODWH

This week, I white and black, sweet and semi-sweet, received several dark and light. Gone are the caramel e-mails promoting chocolates and the hot chocolates, “V-Week” events— the Belgian chocolates and the Swiss ÅTU [KZMMVQVO[ chocolates, the whipped chocolates panel discussions, and the mint chocolates. By selling Oprah praising sessions, etc. But their uniform vaginas, the women while vaginas are certainly to be of Stanford deny the diversity and celebrated (believe me—I love vaginas specialness of chocolates everywhere. just as much as the next guy), I take As a chocolate advocate, I can’t issue with the V-Week Chocolate sit idly by, chewing on vaginas and Vagina sale. In their rush to promote watching as the chocolates I love SOTO--Two budding computer science majors from Soto their vaginas, Stanford women have so much suffer at the hands of released their latest project to the world yesterday, and tech pundits forgotten that chocolates are not just feminists. No! I must take a stand! around the globe are going wild. random collections of sugar, melted I must make a statement so that this The site, called Jitterbunk, is a revolutionary startup that hopes together for our idle amusement, WJRMK\QÅKI\QWV KIV VM^MZ PIXXMV to combine social media to advance the global economy and consumed only to satisfy our human again! To all chocolate lovers—join change the way we go about our daily lives. The founders are one desires. No—chocolates are special. me in boycotting chocolate vaginas. white guy and one Asian guy, and they both seem to know a lot Each one has a unique taste, a special Help me send a message that will not about computers. quality that should be appreciated soon be forgotten: Chocolates deserve Students have gone wild so far about the site. “It’s great how I and respected. our respect and admiration. They can just jitterbunk my friends whenever I want. It’s amazing what By selling their chocolate vaginas, IZM VW\ WJRMK\[ \W JM ][ML \W N]TÅTT these kids have been able to do in such a short period of time.” V-Week proponents are saying that human urges, but are instead sensitive There has already been speculation about an IPO in the near chocolates are just objects to be sold, and delicate bundles of joy that future for Jitterbunk, and Techcruch has valued the company at commodities to place on the market, we should strive to protect from fat near 2 million dollars. \W ][M WVTa NWZ XZWÅ\ IVL XMZ[WVIT kids, nutritionists, and heat sources. “We are looking to expand our user base,” said the founder. “We gain. Even worse, the V-Week women (Adler) started small, but we have big goals now.” (Keeshin) fail to recognize chocolate diversity. Gone are the distinctions between THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner::LOOLDP:X QUOTE: “I’m so glad we found each other”—Peanut Butter to jelly on Valentine’s Day and every other day of the year.

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS $4.99 7KHFRVWRID+RW3URZO*UDP)RUDVOLWWOHDVÀYHGROODUV\RX FDQEX\D+RW3URZO*UDPDQGWKH)OLSVLGHZLOOVHQGDSURZOHU to your loved one. There is no better way to show that you care WKDQEX\VHQGLQJD+RW3URZO*UDP7KHVHSURZOHUVDUHJXDUDQ- WHHGWREHWRSRIWKHOLQH+DSS\9DOHQWLQHV'D\

New content every day online @ ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP

last week’s answers: TIE DYE, HIERARCHY, MAN OF THE YEAR, STARTUP This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT H = I BLPI HO ERWU XHWIV QL SI HX QUZX ZX ZRQLELSHBI ZWWHCIXQ, Z QHDUQ DHVCBI, Z UHDUIV QZG SVZWYIQ, LV Z ULBCHXD NZQQIVX LPIV NUHBZCIB- NUHZ. -FRCHQU PHLVOQ

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: WATCHING FOOTBALL IS LIKE WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY. THERE’S PLENTY OF ACTION, AND I CAN’T TAKE MY EYES OFF IT, BUT WHEN IT’S OVER, I WONDER WHY THE HELL I SPENT AN AFTERNOON DOING IT. -LUKE SALISBURY Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. This FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ weeks design is available on a white shirt in all sizes. Find someone on the Flip- VLGHRUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN NYOHE

TEDDA

TIRUSO

WHAT THEY CALLED THE TOTALLY ORLFEW AWESOME ORGAN

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: BLITZ, DOWNS, FUMBLE, PUNTER the hero PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR of the kitchen cupboard SUPER BOWL UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 18, No. 78 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Hi Students! If you like the Flipside, please vote for our petition for Special Fees. The total cost to you is $2.07/year, and hopefully we entertain you for a few minutes each week. The petition is at O[[W!WL[P[PVUZZ[HUMVYKLK\WL[P[PVUZÅPWZPKL;OHURZ-SPWZPKL:[Hă Flipside Requests “Segway” In Special Fees Budget This past Sunday marked the Flipside President Barney deadline for student groups to ;KPU]\b [IQL ¹?MTT I\ ÅZ[\ _M submit their Special Fee budgets didn’t want a Segway, but when and Declarations of Intent. This the Appropriations Committee Photographers Owe One can mean only one thing: get your said our initial budget was ‘too Thousand Words to Stanford SUIDs ready and inboxes cleared, reasonable’ to be considered under For Every Picture Taken because petitioning season is about Special Fees, we decided to make to start. some changes.” Among the most notable budgets While other groups are going was that of the Flipside, which through extensive laundering chains requested $14,400 for, among to buy beer with students’ money other things, a Segway. According under “Discretionary Funds,” the to Helga Weaver, the Flipside’s Flipside is very direct about the .QVIVKQIT 7NÅKMZ \PM ;MO_Ia _QTT Segway that it will be purchasing. JM][MLQVN]TÅTTUMV\WN 5a/ZW]X[ From the Flipside Editorial Events 04361--Distribution and board, we encourage you to go Historians Discover 04362--Fun. ÅVL\PM¹;MO_Ia[ºQVW\PMZOZW]X¼[ Darwin’s True Theory of budgets. Evolution Nation’s Hipsters Now Unsure How IBM’s Watson Wins Jeopardy, Michelle Forgets Now To Appear on Dancing Presidents’ Day Again They Feel About Arcade Fire With the Stars After dominating the human Another Presidents’ Day, and KWV\M[\IV\[ WV 2MWXIZLa 1*5¼[ more disappointment in Washington. Watson has been invited to appear Insiders have told the Flipside that this on Dancing with the Stars. Impressed Q[\PM\PQZLaMIZQVIZW_\PI\5QKPMTTM with Watson’s question answering has neglected that one special day for abilities, viewers are excited to see her husband. “I’ve just been so busy Watson try its hand at dancing. giving talks and attending conferences,” “I am very excited to participate,” 5QKPMTTM [IQL ¹\PI\ 8ZM[QLMV\[¼ ,Ia Watson said in his nerdy, monotone just slipped my mind. I promise I won’t computer voice. “I know a lot about let it happen again next year.” Obama dancing from YouTube videos.” has told the press that he isn’t upset People everywhere are skeptical about it, but everyone kind of thinks that Watson will be able to dance like he is. In the wake of Arcade Fire’s “The Suburbs” winning album of a human, especially since it has no the year at this year’s Grammys, the nation’s hipster community is arms or legs. New Classes Announced For reeling as it is forced to reevaluate its opinion of the former indie “Lack of body parts shouldn’t the Love Major darlings. Since the release of 2004’s “Funeral,” Arcade Fire has [\WXQ\º[IQL1*5MZ:IVLa+ZW_TMa been a favorite of hipster critics, hipster bloggers and hipster music “People always underestimate the LOVE 57: What is Love? fans alike. But some fear that recognition from the music business ability of computers, and we are *IJa,WV¼\0]Z\5M LOVE 101: Self-Love establishment is a sign that the band has gone too mainstream or, in here to prove them wrong. Watson has access to how-to guides and can LOVE 103: Introduction to Theoretical the words of popular culture blog Ironic Fixed-Gear Bicycle Tattoo, Love \WZZMV\ UW^QM[ TQSM »5IUUI 5QI ¼ “become another concubine in the whore-house of corporate LOVE 143: Puppy Love America.” Another reviewer added that where the band’s previous Watson will learn to be the best albums contained “beautiful and affected sprawling pop melodies,” dancer in no time.” 01;<"?PMVI5IV4W^M[I?WUIV “The Suburbs” consists of “over-produced, grandiose bubblegum People on both sides of the +0-5 "*ZM_QVO4W^M8W\QWV[ pop.” However, it should be noted that although divided on the argument are excited, nonetheless. PHIL 192: Platonic Love legitimacy of the band, the hipster community still prefers Arcade No word on who its partner will be, 5-,"4W^M;QKSVM[[ ATHLETIC 93: Falling in Love Fire’s earlier work. (Doherty) but frontrunners are ENIAC, C3P0 IVL:W[QMNZWU\PM2M\[WV[/ITIV\ 5-"5ISQVO4W^M THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:1DMMD.RVVDOO\ QUOTE: “This is the downfall of humanity.” -Graduate Student Council member on the Special Fees process

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS $2.07 The cost to support the Flipside for Special Fees. Also less than half the cost of a Jamba Juice smoothie. Well, Jamba Juice is pretty good, so if you just get Jamba Juice, we understand.

New content every day online @ ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP! last week’s answers: BUD LIGHT, AFTERNOON DELIGHT, FIRST DATE, SPICE GIRLS This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT P = N O VLTN O RVWII TLRRNRR UOGKPNRR WPX HOGCFN NPLFMV CL KWOPCWOP ZVWC O SLPROXNG CVN KLRC NPHOWYIN LU WII COCINR, CVN SVWGWSCNG LU WP VLPNRC KWP. -MNLGMN ZWRVOPMCLP

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: LOVE IS MUCH NICER TO BE IN THAN AN AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENT, A TIGHT GIRDLE, A HIGHER TAX BRACKET OR A HOLDING PATTERN OVER PHILADELPHIA. -JUDITH VIORST Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. This FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ weeks design is available on a white shirt in all sizes. Find someone on the Flip- VLGHRUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN NIFTE

LCILH

PINAKN

WHAT HONEST ABE WOULD DO IF HE JOINED THE BUSINESS OSTINL NETWORKING SITE

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: HONEY, DATED, SUITOR, FLOWER what they PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR called the totally awesome organ SWEET HEART UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 19, No. 79 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Hi Students! If you like the Flipside, please vote for our petition for Special Fees. The total cost to you is $2.07/year, and hopefully we entertain you for a few minutes each week. The petition is at O[[W!WL[P[PVUZZ[HUMVYKLK\WL[P[PVUZÅPWZPKL;OHURZ-SPWZPKL:[Hă Haitian Activists Seek to Raise Awareness for Stanford Students A new, rapidly growing activist to have swayed even the hearts of organization in Haiti has one simple \WX0IQ\QIVOW^MZVUMV\WNÅKQIT[ but important goal: increasing “What bugs me is the inhumane Center for Coming Up people’s awareness of the issues living conditions,” said Kely Bastien, With Fancy Names for K]ZZMV\Ta INÆQK\QVO [\]LMV\[ I\ the President of the Haitian Senate, Silly Things Announces New Stanford University. Global Peace Summit for “It’s just so sad how ignorant we Prosperity and Change are of other people’s problems,” said Dominique Coupout, the “Do TAs really think president of Awareness for Stanford that’s more encouraging Students (ASS). “We want people Claude, whose family lacks indoor than just getting a B+?” here in Haiti to think more often plumbing and access to basic about how Suzy Connors has to healthcare. “I hear so many terrible stay up all night studying for her things about what they have to go chem midterm.” through in IHUM sections. Such whose country recently suffered So far ASS has succeeded boring lectures! And what does from a magnitude 7.0 earthquake. at raising modest funds to help getting an A-/B+ even mean? It’s “Did you know that most Stanford Student Runs Out of Late Stanford students cope with so absurd!” students don’t even get their own Days, Becomes Pregnant increasing menu prices at the Axe “Do TAs really think that’s more dorm room?” and Palm. encouraging than just getting a “And don’t even get me started Universe Finally Decides to “I stay up nights crying when B+?” she added. on how cold it can get occasionally Give Charlie Sheen Conse- I think of what those poor souls After just a few weeks of during the winter,” she added. quences for His Actions go through,” said Miranda Jean- promoting awareness, ASS seems (Evans)

Ph.D Thought He Was Becoming a Real Doctor Flipside’s Actions, Words, Compete for Who Can Speak Only weeks before he was to receive his Ph.D the Loudest in English Literature, Stanford graduate student Lance Snarsdale is reportedly “very disappointed” On Thursday, after an op-ed to learn that he will not become a “real doctor” in the Daily accused the Flipside’s upon graduating. “I was already exploring residency Actions of not speaking loudly options,” said Snarsdale. Needless to say, those plans enough, an argument about who are now on hold. could speak louder erupted in the “I always just assumed that, you know, a doctor .TQX[QLMWNÅKM[JM\_MMV)K\QWV[IVL was a doctor,” said a visibly distraught Snarsdale. Words. The argument immediately “Stanford really should be more clear about these escalated both in terms of volume \PQVO[º =VQ^MZ[Q\a WNÅKQIT[ LMKTQVML \W KWUUMV\ and violence. on this issue, instead directing us to a very clearly covered most of that doctor stuff in Chem 31 and Actions, for some reason, could labelled online application to the “Ph.D Program in Bio Core.” not match the auditory volume of English Literature.” Fellow English Literature Ph.D candidates Dylan Words, so Actions proceeded to beat Snarsdale, who spent the last six years at Stanford Rehagen and Helen Parkerson, both close friends the shit out of Words. Words, who working on a dissertation on the parallels between of Snarsdale over the past six years, reportedly was unable to act, just kept saying Chaucer’s Cantebury Tales and The Very Hungry considered revealing the truth several times during “Ow! That hurts! Stop it!” Caterpillar, reported being initially a bit confused their studies. “We really wanted to tell him,” said Actions eventually listened to be studying so much English Literature at what Parkerson, “but we also really liked wearing lab coats to Words and stopped. Actions he thought was Stanford Medical School, but that to class.” (Shaffer) subsequently hugged Words in a KWVN][QWVY]QKSTa[]J[QLML¹1O]M[[1ÅO]ZML\PI\_M silent embrace. Words then said, “I love you,” to Actions. Both smiled, [\WXXML ÅOP\QVO IVL _MV\ JIKS \W Z[HUMVYKÅPWZPKLJVT%UL^JVU[LU[L]LY`KH` making people laugh. (Hefter) THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:0DQROL/LRGDNLV QUOTE: “The Flipside needs a Segway. How are they supposed to deliver thousands of copies over the entire campus every week?”

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 602 The number of spelling variations on the name of Libyan OHDGHU0XDPPDUDO*DGGDÀ'HVSLWHWKHSURWHVWV4DGDIÀ KDVVDLGKHZLOO´ÀJKWWRWKHGHDWKµ.DGDIKLKDVLQLWLDWHG PLOLWDU\DQGSROLFHYLROHQFHZKLFKODVOHGWKHFRXQWU\LQWR PRUHFKDRV$WODVWFKHFNLQJPRVWSHRSOHWKLQN&DGDÀTL LVFUD]\DQGFDQQRWVSHOOKLVQDPH

Vote Flipside for Special Fees! last week’s answers: DELIVERY, GRAMMYS, LOAFERS, MOOD RING ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP!

This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT B = T

LB’A OEOFLZU BTOB BTS OEIRZB IP ZSDA BTOB TOMMSZA LZ BTS DIJYV SQSJX VOX OYDOXA WRAB SNOGBYX PLBA BTS ZSDAMOMSJ. -WSJJX ASLZPSYV

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: I HOPE I SHALL POSSESS FIRMNESS AND VIRTUE ENOUGH TO MAINTAIN WHAT I CONSIDER THE MOST ENVIABLE OF ALL TITLES, THE CHARACTER OF AN HONEST MAN. -GEORGE WASHINGTON Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. This FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ weeks design is available on a white shirt in all sizes. Find someone on the Flip- VLGHRUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN HUPMC

SOLEC

UXDPEL THE MOST EXCEP- TIONAL AND EXPEN- SIVE MEMBERS OF SILAOV DORM STAFF

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: FEINT, CHILL, NAPKIN, TONSIL what honest PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR abe would do if he joined the business networking site LINK IN UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 20, No. 80 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Four Loko Use Falls, Charlie Sheen Use Skyrockets It’s only been months since to have ingested Charlie Sheen Four Loko has been off shelves, right before their bodies exploded and college students have already in a violent burst. We caught up found a much more dangerous with one student who reported replacement. The popular drink, having tried the drug, and he says which combined caffeine and alcohol, was banned by the FDA late last year due to a series of reports that it posed serious risks to young “Charlie Sheen was too people, including increased heart much for my human brain effects of Charlie Sheen, however, rate, excessive fun and the desire to to handle.” never drink another Four Loko. are not yet entirely understood by Recently, however, deans of scientists. 0DUJXHULWH&ODULÀHV2Q%XV Early reports, however, don’t ,QWHUFRXUVH3ROLF\ colleges across the country have reported a serious and unintended look good. that he would be in support of a KWV[MY]MVKMWN \PI\JIV1V XTIKM According to campus police ban. “Charlie Sheen was too much of Four Loko, a new drug called at Winchester College in Maine, for my human brain to handle. I Charlie Sheen has cropped up the faces of 15 students melted R][\LQLV¼\PI^M\PMKWV[\Q\]\QWVNWZ on college campuses and the off completely after having taken it.” His funeral will be held next results have proven dire. While the R][\ WVM PQ\ WN  +PIZTQM ;PMMV I\ I Monday. Although there are no dangerous effects of Four Loko fraternity party. On the other side current plans to ban Charlie Sheen, _MZM XZW^MV ]VMY]Q^WKITTa L]ZQVO WN \PMKW]V\ZaI\,][Y]MVM+WTTMOM an FDA announcement is scheduled a Today Show special, the exact in Nevada, 10 students are reported for late next week. (Reid) 0XDPPDU*DGGDÀ)XULRXV 7R\6WRU\'LGQ·W:LQ%HVW 3LFWXUH Z[HUMVYKÅPWZPKLJVT

Vicious TriDelt Pillow Fight Leaves 7 Dead, 16 Wounded GM Successfully Petitions Way Onto Special Fees Ballot Stanford students were shocked by a recent case of lighthearted playing gone horribly wrong. What In wake of the recent economic [\IZ\ML W]\ I[ IV QUXZWUX\] XQTTW_ ÅOP\ Y]QKSTa downturn, GM has been put on the devolved into a bloodbath. ballot for Special Fees at Stanford “Me and Laura were baking pancakes in the University because they heard how kitchen when we heard noises in the activity room,” they could receive lucrative budgets said Heather Croft, survivor of the TriDelt Pillow with little scrutiny. Massacre. “Right when we opened the door we were Some Stanford students have Y]M[\QWVML \PM J]LOM\ ZMY]M[\ J]\ ¸0[^HZHSSNVPUN^LSS\U[PSHJV\WSLVMWLVWSL UW[\ XMWXTM ÅO]ZM Q\¼[ XZWJIJTa started accusing Jessica of hiding rolls of reasonable, and that the company X\HY[LYZPUOLYWPSSV^JHZL¹ 1V^M[\QOI\WZ[ NW]VL [M^MZIT XQTTW_KI[M[ ÅTTML really needs what they ask for. Students with rocks, beer bottles, and even knives. In one even overlooked the three million particularly noteworthy case, there was a pillow case dollars budgeted for executive salaries ambushed by Aubrey and Sara, so we picked up which contained multiple sawed-off shotguns. None and food for meetings. some couch pillows and retaliated. It was crazy.” of the pillowcases contained feathers or any other “It’s a really great opportunity for ,WbMV[WN W\PMZ

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 94% 7KHSHUFHQWDJHRIZRPHQZKRDUHQRWLQWKHNLWFKHQDW DQ\JLYHQWLPH)RUWXQDWHO\WKHQHZVWXGHQWRUJDQL]DWLRQ 6WDQIRUG:RPHQLQWKH.LWFKHQ 6:,. KDVGHYRWHGLWVHOI WRJUDGXDOO\EULQJLQJWKDWQXPEHUGRZQWR]HURZKHUHLW EHORQJV7KHDPELWLRXVPHPEHUVRI6:,.DOVRDVSLUHWR GRXEOHWKHQXPEHURIVDQGZLFKHVPDGHZRUOGZLGHE\

/DXJK\RXUZD\WKURXJKGHDGZHHNDW last week’s answers: BACKSEAT DRIVER, DUCT TAPE, ANTIBACTERIAL, ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP! MULTIPLE CHOICE This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT J = R

PX KJJVJ ZVKE XVR DKHVLK RJYRT DQ JKPEVX VW LYMRGBMGKZ BJVBPCPRGVX, XVJ ZVKE RJYRT DKHVLK KJJVJ DKHPYEK XVDVZQ EKKE GR. -LVTPXZPE CPXZTG

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: IT’S AMAZING THAT THE AMOUNT OF NEWS THAT HAPPENS IN THE WORLD EVERY DAY ALWAYS JUST EXACTLY FITS THE NEWSPAPER. -JERRY SEINFELD Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. This FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ weeks design is available on a white shirt in all sizes. Find someone on the Flip- VLGHRUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN SUPTN

UHGAL

YPECHR

WHAT THEY CALLED THE MUSEUM FULL TILERA OF LEGUMES

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: CHUMP, CLOSE, DUPLEX, VIOLAS the most PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR exceptional and expensive members of dorm staff SPECIAL PHES UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 21, No. 81 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES University Changes Mascot Back to the Stanford Jew

)N\MZ UIVa aMIZ[ _Q\P \PM ?MMS

Flipside Staff Member Shell-Shocked to Find She’s Stanford Sophomore Agonizes Over Seat Choice Been Writing For a Satirical Newspaper )66-6*-:/ )=,1<7:1=5 )\ Flipside Staff member Penelope Peterson IXXZW`QUI\MTa "  )5 WV .ZQLIa 5IZKP  \P ÅZ[\ TMIZVML ;]VLIa \PI\ [PM _I[ _ZQ\QVO [WXPWUWZM ,IVQMT 3ZWVQV NW]VL PQU[MTN  QV I NWZ I [I\QZQKIT VM_[XIXMZ IVL VW\ IV IK\]IT KWV]VLZ]U  )N\MZ _ISQVO ]X I\  )5 3ZWVQV VM_[XIXMZ ¹AW] UMIV \PQ[ Q[ ITT I RWSM 'º \WWS\QUM\WJMNZM[POWLW_V\PM[\IQZ[WN +ZW\PMZ[ 8MVMTWXMM`KTIQUML_PMV[PMPMIZL\PMVM_[ 5MUWZQIT 0ITT IVL PI^M PQ[ JW_T IVL KMZMIT I\ )XXIZMV\Ta 8MVMTWXM PIL UQ[[ML ITT WN  \PM ;\MZV,QVQVO [I\QZMIVLPIL\ISMV\PMVM_[[\WZQM[I\NIKM

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 236 million The number of minutes wasted by the global population watching the Rebecca Black “Friday” video. This is millions of dollars of productivity lost, and millions of minutes we could have spent doing something useful, like twiddling our thumbs or staring at a wall.

ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP last week’s answers: NIGHTINGALE, ANCHORMAN, CANINE TEETH, INTUITION This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT S = O G AZIGZBZ FLZEZ TEZ XSEZ GKRFTKOZR SQ FLZ TAEGMDZXZKF SQ FLZ QEZZMSX SQ FLZ YZSYIZ AJ DETMCTI TKM RGIZKF ZKOESTOLXZKFR SQ FLSRZ GK YSNZE FLTK AJ BGSIZKF TKM RCMMZK CRCEYTFGSKR. -PTXZR XTMGRSK

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: AN ERROR DOES NOT BECOME TRUTH BY REASON OF MULTIPLIED PROPAGATION, NOR DOES TRUTH BECOME ER- ROR BECAUSE NOBODY SEES IT. -MOHANDAS GANDHI Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. This FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ weeks design is available on a white shirt in all sizes. Find someone on the Flip- VLGHRUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN This week you have the option to get a shirt that has your favorite two consecu- tive days on it, and have your own personal meme! TELFA

AMLYE

SULTES

WHAT THE CHAIR NEEDED AFTER IT ZAALEB LOST WEIGHT

A

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: PUNTS, LAUGH, CYPHER, RETAIL what they PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR called the museum full of legumes PEANUT GALLERY UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 22, No. 82 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Kappa Sigma Loses House, Brothers Adopt Hunter-Gatherer Lifestyle

)N\MZ TW[QVO \PMQZ PW][QVO NWZ PM[IQLOT]UTa¹1LWV¼\M^MVSVW_ \PM VM`\ IKILMUQK aMIZ UMUJMZ[ _PQKP XTIV\[ IZM WSIa \W MI\ IVL WN  3IXXI ;QOUI [MMU \W PI^M _PQKPIZMOWWL\W[UWSMº ZM^MZ\ML \W I XZQUQ\Q^M P]V\MZ ;WUM JZW\PMZ[ ZMUIQV LMÅIV\ OI\PMZMZ TQNM[\aTM 3IXXI ;QOUI IVLPWXMN]TM^MVQV\PMNIKMWN []KP JZW\PMZ[ PI^M JMMV [QOP\ML I\ [\ZQNM 7^MZ \PM TI[\ _MMS ¹2ISMº ^IZQW][ TWKI\QWV[ IZW]VL KIUX][ IVL ¹;\M^MVº PI^M JMMV IUI[[QVO [KI^MVOQVONWZJMMZIVLI\\MUX\QVO I XQTM WN  ZWKS[ I\ \PMQZ \MUXWZIZa Branner Loses House \W J]QTL Z]LQUMV\IZa [PMT\MZ[ IVL [Y]QZZMTKI\KPMZ[ “Bro, I’m just living hand 5IVa [\]LMV\[ _WZZa NWZ \PM VW_VWUILQK JZW\PMZ[ M`XZM[[QVO 6HYHUDOORVWEURWKHUVZKRQRZRQO\ to mouth right now.” LW]J\[ IJW]\ _PM\PMZ \PMa _QTT KDYHDVKRSSLQJFDUWWRFDUU\WKHLUEHHU JM IJTM \W []Z^Q^M QV \PM _QTL ¹1 JI[MIVWIS\ZMMQV\PM_QTLMZVM[[ [I_ \PQ[ O]a LQOOQVO \PZW]OP I 7VMJZW\PMZ_PWI[SML\PI\PQ[ JMaWVL.ZW;W+W2ISMQ[VW\NIbML L]UX[\MZJa

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 7.8 7KHDYHUDJHQXPEHURIELF\FOHDFFLGHQWVSHUKRXU ZRUOGZLGH:KDWGRHVWKLVPHDQIRU\RXDQG\RXU KHDOWK")LUVWWKDWLW·VWLPHWRZLSHWKHGXVWRIIWKHROG KHOPHWDQGVHFRQGWKDWLI\RXGRQ·WVWRSWH[WLQJULJKW QRZ\RX·UHDERXWWRFUDVKLQWRWKDWJX\

ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP last week’s answers: FORERUNNERS, SLEEPOVER PARTY, CARDINAL, MISSION TO MARS QHZVWXIIBHYHU\BGD\ This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT B = A YA’W WLTYVC PSXST. AJBA YW DJBA AJS VBNS UP YA YW. BVF DJSV MUQ’XS CUA YA, MUQ DBVA - UJ, MUQ FUV’A OQYAS EVUD DJBA YA YW MUQ FU DBVA, GQA YA IQWA PBYTZM NBESW MUQT JSBTA BRJS, MUQ DBVA YA WU! -NBTE ADBYV

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: I BELIEVE THERE ARE MORE INSTANCES OF THE ABRIDGEMENT OF THE FREEDOM OF THE PEOPLE BY GRADUAL AND SILENT ENCROACHMENTS OF THOSE IN POWER THAN BY VIOLENT AND SUDDEN USURPATIONS. -JAMES MADISON Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. This FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ weeks design is available on a white shirt in all sizes. Find someone on the Flip- VLGHRUFRQWDFWÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXWRSXUFKDVH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN This week you have the option to get a shirt that has your favorite two consecu- tive days on it, and have your own personal meme! VANRE

OGLIO

NORFEC

WHAT THEY CALLED THE METAL COIL’S ETISIP FLU SYMPTOM

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: FETAL, MEALY, TUSSLE, ABLAZE what the PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR chair needed after it lost weight A SEAT BELT UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 23, No. 83 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Billboard Momentarily Causes Students to Reconsider Helmet-Wearing Decision

:MKMV\Ta ;\IVNWZL 8IZSQVO IVL 5WTTa0]LLTM¹)[1JQSMJa\PM

Hopeless Bachelor Forwards Chain United States Launches E-Mail To 20 People, Still Single Thumb War On Libya 1V IV ]VXZMKMLMV\ML LQ[XTIa WN  ZI_ 4WKIT WNÅKQIT[ ZMXWZ\ \PI\ IZMI JIKPMTWZ 8ZM[QLMV\QITXW_MZ*IZIKS7JIUIPI[ [QVOTM :WJMZ\*IJ[WV_PWZMKMV\TaUW^MLNZWUPQ[ PIVLMLTaMUJZWQTMLPQU[MTN QVIPMI\ML\P]UJ XIZMV\¼[ JI[MUMV\ \W PQ[ W_V IXIZ\UMV\ Q[ _IZ _Q\P 4QJaIV TMILMZ 5]IUUIZ /ILLIÅ [\QTT [QVOTM LM[XQ\M PQ[ KW]ZIOMW][ IVL PMZWQK ?PI\ QVQ\QITTa IXXMIZML \W JM R][\ IVW\PMZ I\\MUX\\W_WW\PMTW^MWN PQ[TQNM K]Z[WZa LQXTWUI\QK PIVL[PISM \WWS I ^QWTMV\ )\ IZW]VL !"XU TI[\ 5WVLIa *IJ[WV \]ZV_PMV7JIUIKTMVKPMLPQ[ÅVOMZ[QV\WPQ[ ZMKMQ^ML\PMNI\MN]TKPIQVMUIQT\PI\PIL\PM KW]V\MZXIZ\¼[ XITU IVL U]\\MZML ¹*ZQVO Q\ XW\MV\QIT\WKPIVOMPQ[NWZ\]VM[1V^M[\QOI\WZ 5]IUUIZº KTIQU \PI\ \PM UM[[IOM KWV\IQVML XQK\]ZM[ 11 8IZIOZIXP  WN  \PM /MVM^I _MZMQV^ITQL ]VLW]J\MLTa_QV\PMPMIZ\WN PQ[[MKZM\KZ][P +WV^MV\QWV ¹

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS $38.5 billion The amount that the US budget will be cut for the remaining part of WKLVÀVFDO\HDU7KHJRYHUQPHQWKDVDJUHHGWKDWLWZLOODOORFDWHWKHUHVW of its budget based on a Special Fees like process, where programs like 0HGLFDUHKDYHWRJRJHWVLJQDWXUHVIURPRIWKHQDWLRQDOSRSXODWLRQ LIWKH\ZDQWWRHYHQEHFRQVLGHUHGIRUDYRWH0RVWSHRSOHKRZHYHUDUH MXVWWU\LQJWRÀJXUHRXWKRZPXFKPRQH\ELOOLRQLVDQGZKHUHWKH\ ZRXOGJRRQYDFDWLRQLIWKH\KDGLW

,W·V0RQGD\ last week’s answers: ROUNDHOUSE KICKS, EXTENUATE, SOMER- ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP SAULTS, PIONEERING This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT P = N LAM AOQRP YRFM ARU ARZ EXPK MNIMYBMPFM RPZ R TBPM LYRZBLBXP BP UOYS- BSBPK RZSMYUBLC. JOL GM PXG TRFM R LRUV TXY GABFA GM ARSM EBLLEM MN- IMYBMPFM: LAM LRUV XT UOYSBSBPK IYXUIMYBLC. -RERP KYMKK

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: IT’S SPRING FEVER. THAT IS WHAT THE NAME OF IT IS. AND WHEN YOU’VE GOT IT, YOU WANT - OH, YOU DON’T QUITE KNOW WHAT IT IS YOU DO WANT, BUT IT JUST FAIRLY MAKES YOUR HEART ACHE, YOU WANT IT SO! -MARK TWAIN Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ 6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN7RRUGHUDVKLUW¿OORXWWKHIRUPDW VWDQIRUGÀLSVLGHFRPVKLUWV EHFIT

HYDAS

NRUERN WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT THE MAN WHO MANAGED THE PIECE CADHET OF DINNERWARE

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: RAVEN, IGLOO, CONFER, PITIES what they PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR FDOOHGWKHPHWDOFRLO¶VÀXV\PSWRP635,1*)(9(5 UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ6WHSKDQLH:HEHU%UHQGDQ2·%\UQH Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 24, No. 84 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Stanford Concert Network Brings Mmmmphsphlts to Campus! On Tuesday, SCN announced have heard of Mmmmphsphlts, that it would be bringing Indie eight claim it has sold out. sensation Mmmmphsphlts to Indeed, avid concertgoer and campus for its one and only recreational drug user Jake Delaurel spring concert. Lead guitarist *¼\\MZÆa ,M\P WVKM LM[KZQJML their sound as “Grunge meets folk With narrowly-known hits meets disco-slash-surf rock, plus, such as “mmaphhhlyyyyyyyn” you know, a lot of screaming.” and “plephhhhhhhhhh,” In Final Act As President, With narrowly-known hits Mmmmphsphlts is bound to Cardona Pardons Ram’s such as “mmaphhhlyyyyyyyn” keep out all the sorts of people who don’t belong at Head and “plephhhhhhhhhh,” Mmmmphsphlts performing on Stage Mmmmphsphlts is bound to keep R at local Arizona festival Followia SCN concerts. out all the sorts of people who don’t belong at SCN concerts. Britney, Jamie getting a pass to see Said Jon Bitters, director of Mumford and Sons? Awful.” SCN programming: “OK, look. If wishes SCN had chosen a group 5UUUXP[XPT\[ ÅZ[\ _MV\ students could be trusted to make with a little more authenticity, mainstream-ish last year at up their own minds about what such as “Palalaphalleeentka,” a Coachella, where they performed artists they wanted to see, then they band so obscure it only exists in on Stage N, a little-known venue wouldn’t pay us so much in special his head. “They almost never fail TWKI\ML QV \PM JML WN  *¼\\MZÆa People Still Joining fees to make that decision for them, to disappoint,” he said, before Deth’s pickup truck. Nonetheless, right? Ugh, can you imagine it-- returning to his conversation with a Antiquated Social Clubs of the ten students on campus who Becky buying her own tickets to mailbox. “Almost.” (Webb) for Some Reason Stanford Police Reassess Priorities After Recent Crimes Why YOU Should Join Alpha Phi, Stanford, CA -- Stanford Police are Stanford’s Newest Sorority! reevaluating their squad-car assignments and setting up night-time patrols after a pair of crimes committed in Escondido Village and Rains last week shocked the community. “To have two bicyclists go through this intersection without stopping in one week -- it’s just unthinkable,” said frightened Escondido Village 8th-year PhD student Hung Wang. The incidents each occurred at the intersection of Campus and Escondido, in what was once a quiet, family district. “Once A few policemen who are out on the lookout for \PMa TM\ ]VLMZOZIL[ QV\W :IQV[ NWZ W^MZÆW_ bicyclists who are a danger to the campus. housing, we just knew, ‘there goes the While the original APB described the Œ We accept girls with all shades of blonde hair neighborhood,’” said Wang. Œ To please our national charter, we love doing suspect as “a dark skinned male, possibly Black many unique, philanthropic events such as: In response to the incidents, Stanford approximately 30 years old and 5’4” tall,” this police will be setting up 24-hour stop-sign 1. Annual Fundraiser for Chronically Shy Girls description was changed once Muggsy Bogues’ 2. Pancake Sundays, where we give away all patrols in the area, and erecting high-speed alibi held up. the pancakes that have too many carbs for us ÆI[PKIUMZI[I\[M^MZITKIUX][QV\MZ[MK\QWV[ Police have issued the following information to eat Sheriff Jim Davis assured the community in about one of the bicycle assailants, and are Œ We sometimes prefer having “girls night” instead an e-mail to the [ugres_rcfs] list: “We will no asking for the community’s help: “The suspect of getting really shitfaced longer be having our squad cars monitor the had a dark olive skin color -- or possibly burnt Œ When we get shitfaced, we still look cute perimeters of campus for suspicious activity Œ We have a private Marguerite bus that goes [QMVVIJ]\LMÅVQ\MTaVW\MKZ]0M_I[UITM straight between KA and the hospital at night. It just doesn’t make sense when college-age, wore no helmet, and was wearing you’ve got bicyclists running stop signs left and Œ We charge only $399.99 per quarter to let you a Stanford sweatshirt and jeans. Victims in have unlimited alcohol!* right. And without bike lights at that!” His the crosswalk say an odor of Stern dining was Œ We have classy and fun parties with themes such as e-mail sparked an outcry, with nearly 200 in the air when he passed by.” Witnesses are “Sluts and Hoes” and “Let’s Get Drunk” concerned undergrads voicing their concerns urged to call the Bicycle Abatement tipline at Œ We all love each other because we are sisters! in response. 650-444-4686. (Charnin-Aker) *While supplies last (Vassar) THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:(PLOLR/RSH] QUOTE: “How you like ‘dem apples?” -The evil Indian apple eater/sexual assaultist

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 96 The percentage of Stanford students whose parents did their tax returns for them. This is slightly above 8, the percentage of Stan- ford students who parents dress them every morning, check their problem sets, and send them a bagged lunch via mail (USPS 2 day priority, in case you were wondering).

Tomorrow’s 4/20! Today’s 4/19! ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP last week’s answers: JUICE BOX, FOR OLD TIME’S SAKE, CINCINNATI, SECOND TO NONE This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT V = E PEVJV FL B RKTNZPVJ MFLVBLV PEBP BDUAKMU HEK HKJXL HFPE RKTNZPVJL XDKHL BAKZP. FP’L B IVJU LVJFKZL MFLVBLV BDM FP FDPVJOVJVL RKTNWVPVWU HFPE PEV HKJX. PEV PJKZAWV HFPE RKTNZPVJL FL PEBP UKZ NWBU HFPE PEVT! -JFREBJM OVUDTBD

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: THE HUMAN RACE HAS HAD LONG EXPERIENCE AND A FINE TRADITION IN SURVIVING ADVERSITY. BUT WE NOW FACE A TASK FOR WHICH WE HAVE LITTLE EXPERIENCE: THE TASK OF SURVIVING PROSPERITY. -ALAN GREGG Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ 6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN7RRUGHUDVKLUWHPDLOÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXRU talk to someone on the Flipside. ADILT

ROSWN

FUYFNS

WHAT THE EGYPTIANS CALLED FOR WHEN SORILB THEIR BUS BROKE

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: THIEF, SHADY, RUNNER, DETACH what they PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR said about the man who managed the piece of dinnerware HE RAN THE DISH UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 25, No. 85 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Nobody Likes Girl’s Facebook Status Update Last Thursday evening, disaster struck Caity Dalton ‘14 when her Facebook status update received zero likes over a period of over four hours. At 8:32 pm, Dalton posted the following new status: “spent all day shopping for bikinis with @Angie Marshall and @Genna Thomas ;)” She recalls logging out of Facebook To Dalton’s shock and dismay, minutes, I had eight likes AND two NMMTQVO KWVÅLMV\ \PI\ I\ TMI[\ Å^M when she opened Facebook over comments!” Study Finds Type 2 if not ten or more, of her Facebook three hours later, she found that none Despite this positive outcome, Setediab Partially friends would promptly like the of her 924 Facebook friends had liked Dalton remains somewhat Reversible update. \PM [\I\][ ¹5a ÅZ[\ \PW]OP\º [PM \ZI]UI\QbMLJa\PM_PWTMÅI[KW;PM “I keep this spreadsheet with the described, “was that Facebook wasn’t has not updated her status again since number of likes I get for every status,” working so nobody could even see that day and is not sure when she [PMM`XTIQVML\WZMXWZ\MZ[¹IVL1PIL the status. That would have totally will feel ready to do so again. During been getting sooo many for the past made sense. But then my roommate the interview, she looked right at few days.” She went on to point out [IQL\PI\\PM[Q\M_I[_WZSQVOÅVM 1 the camera and made the following several features of the status that led was super embarrassed… I almost poignant remark: “I’m trying my best her to believe it would garner many deactivated my Facebook right then.” to be strong again since I know this is TQSM[¹1\_I[\W\ITTaN]VIVLÆQZ\aXT][ Fortunately, Dalton was able to LMÅVQ\MTaITW[[NWZITT!WNUaNZQMVL[ I used the winky emoticon. I mean, I keep a level head and take actions and honestly for the whole Facebook even tagged two of my friends, which to rectify the situation. “I did some community. Sorry everyone! Maybe Girl Just Wants to Feel the basically obligates them to like it as Y]QKS LIUIOM KWV\ZWT Ja \M`\QVO ITT VM`\\QUMaW]¼TT\PQVS\_QKMJMNWZMVW\ Earthquake For Once soon as they see it.” twenty-three of my besties and asking liking my status.” (Kuenzel) them to like the status. Within a few Greetings From the First Mass-Produced Study: 73% of People Who Use Handicap Stanford Student! Door Button Not Actually Handicapped In a groundbreaking study Hi there, fellow student. I’m fresh Anyway, let’s hear about you. published by the Stanford Psychology off the assembly line they’ve set up *]\ _IQ\ ÅZ[\¸LQL aW] SVW_ \PI\ Department last month, researchers in the basement of Munger and am I’m from a low-income family? Or found that nearly three-fourths of glad we met. We should go to the maybe I’m not—but if I’m not you people who utilize the handicap door CoHo sometime to catch up, and can sure as hell bet I’m not going to button are not physically disabled. then resolve to do it more often. admit it. And for the last time, stop Multiple hypotheses have emerged What are your interests? Personally calling me white. My maternal great- QV TQOP\ WN  \PQ[ ÅVLQVO _PQKP ZIVOM I’m interested in diversity and grandfather was Persian. from the relatively mundane – )[,Z8I]T*ZW_VQVOM`XTIQV[¹7]Z sustainability mostly, although I can people like the convenience that the understanding of the Push-Pull be quite passionate about community You should have seen automatic button provides – to the )UJQO]Q\a 0aXW\PM[Q[ PMTX[ M`XTIQV as well. And I gotta give mad props more ambitious and philosophical – the critical results of this new study. to Stanford football and SOCC- it—last Saturday I got so people like to pretend they are Jedis By pushing the button, the uncertainty endorsed candidates. I love those two drunk that I did this funny who can use the Force to automatically of whether the door is of the push or things. open doors . pull variety is eliminated because the And I love how Stanford is so thing! One subject, who prefers to door will open in the correct direction much more chill and laid back than remain anonymous due to the ethical automatically.” East Coast schools. From time to So now you know a bit about me, implications of the study, reported, “It Preliminary results from a follow- time homework stresses me out, but but who am I, you ask? The answer simply boils down to the aesthetics of up study indicate that people who use nothing chases the stress away like is complicated. I’m a blonde girl in the button. If you place a shiny silver the handicap door button are also hittin’ up the Row on a weekend. You Roble. I’m a tall guy in Sigma Chi. button in front of me, it’s not like I’m 34% more likely to impatiently press should have seen it—last Saturday 1¼U I KW\MZU ÅVQ[PQVO WNN  IV M`\ZI about to pass up the opportunity to the Close Door button on elevators I got so drunk that I did this funny year in EV. I am everywhere and touch it.” and to repeatedly press the crosswalk thing! nowhere at once—where you’d most One group of psychologists button at intersections. These Oh, and I waved to you the other M`XMK\ \W ÅVL UM IVL _PMZM aW]¼L I\\MUX\ML \W KWVVMK\ \PM ÅVLQVO[ behaviors tend to persist despite the day in White Plaza. I guess you didn’t VM^MZM`XMK\\WÅVLUM1¼UWVUa of this study to the more general XZMXWVLMZIVKMWN [KQMV\QÅKLI\I\PI\ see me, although I don’t know how bike, heading to Late Nite. I’m down Push-Pull Ambiguity Hypothesis, suggest neither of these actions has a you couldn’t pick me out of the crowd the hall, coming up the stairs. Look which states that the uncertainty of [\I\Q[\QKITTa[QOVQÅKIV\QUXIK\WV\PM when I was wearing my Stanford down! I may be sitting in your chair. whether one is supposed to push or speed of elevator doors or the pattern hoodie and Kanye West-style shutter (Driscoll) pull on an approaching door handle WN  \PM \ZINÅK TQOP\[ ZM[XMK\Q^MTa shades. Q[ITMILQVO[W]ZKMWN [WKQITIV`QM\a (Hoffer) QUOTE: “If I were president we would have breakfast for dinner every night.” Donald Trump, announcing his candidacy in the 2012 presidential election.

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 440 The number of students who are not yet RoHos. Also, the number of students who will soon buckle under the unyield- ing pressure of this year’s HoHos, who are prepared to do ZKDWHYHULWWDNHVWRÀQGPRUHKRVWVLQFOXGLQJVHQGLQJ emails in all caps, giving wet willies, and asking really nicely.

Yo, man. Check it out... ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP last week’s answers: PROCRASTINATE, BOARDWALK, PERSONAL IN- SULT, HONORABLE MENTION Come To The Flipside Puzzle Extravaganza! If you like solving the Flipside puzzles and a chance to win prizes, come to the Flipside Puzzle Extravaganza. We will bring out our best puzzles: rebus, jumbles, and many more. The event is May 6th at 7-8pm. See details on the Flipside Facebook Page. Last week’s winner: Tim Dang This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT U = N PMUXZUC ZU MNN ZDA LKVFA XMUUKD QY YRXNBPYP LVKF DEY XBVVZXBNBF KL MNN UKQNY YPBXMDZKU; PMUXZUC JZDE DEY LYYD, JZDE ZPYMA, JZDE JKVPA, MUP, UYYP Z MPP DEMD KUY FBAD MNAK QY MQNY DK PMUXY JZDE DEY WYU? -LVZYPVZXE UZYDOAXEY

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: THERE IS A COMPUTER DISEASE THAT ANYBODY WHO WORKS WITH COMPUTERS KNOWS ABOUT. IT’S A VERY SERIOUS DISEASE AND IT INTERFERES COMPLETELY WITH THE WORK. THE TROUBLE WITH COMPUTERS IS THAT YOU PLAY WITH THEM! -RICHARD FEYNMAN

Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ 6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN7RRUGHUDVKLUWHPDLOÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXRU talk to someone on the Flipside. SEEBO

OEONS

NYTUCO

THE TYPE OF LEGAL SERVICE THAT U2 KOSERP PROVIDED IN AFRICA

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: TIDAL, SWORN, SNUFFY, BROILS what the PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR egyptians called for when their bus broke ANUBIS UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 26, No. 86 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES BBC Studios Announces Sequel “2 Proud 2 Prejudiced” It is a truth universally acknowledged rumor has it that Megan Fox and Jessica that a movie studio in possession of a Alba are both in contention to depict XZWÅ\IJTM NZIVKPQ[M U][\ XZWL]KM I the famously witty modern woman. sequel. In keeping with that rule, BBC Studios announced giving the green light to 2 Proud 2 Prejudiced (in 3D), with Michael Bay set to direct. “It’s got it all and more: The development comes after years of discussion at BBC on how to appeal more smoldering looks, Government Mandates That to the perpetually elusive 18-49 year old more gripping turns single male demographic. “We’re going All Restaurants Must Now \WZMITTa]X\PMIV\MQV\PQ[VM`\ÅTUº around the room, Have .nom Domain Name remarked Bay. “Those who thought that \PMWZQOQVITÅTUKW]TL¼^MJMMVQUXZW^ML and even more stupid with some high-speed carriage races women spouting inane and a high-stakes waltz-off should be pleased.” dialogue.” *Ia\W]\ML\PMÅTU¼[,M`XMZQMVKM claiming that audiences will literally be The movie poster for 2 Proud 2 in the middle of the explosive banter Prejudiced featuring Vin Diesel and riveting sewing sessions. Calling it a QV,QM[MT_PWÅ\\QVOTaM`KMT[QVZWTM[ As Bay justly inquires, “I mean, who inane dialogue.” wouldn’t want to see Wuthering Heights: Awkward White Guys with more to do than say. The role of Elizabeth Bennett has yet to be cast, but Revenge of the Fallen?” (Baskett)

Stanford to Rename Hoover Tower After Good President Jell-O Seismic Detection System Goes Into Effect In light of mounting pressure from In light of the recent catastrophic like I’m a lot more conscious of all those students, faculty, and alumni, the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, little tremors I wouldn’t usually worry university has created a committee Stanford’s Geophysics department has about,” said Earth Systems major Peter charged with the task of renaming placed giant vats of Kraft Jell-O at Staten. “If I see any jiggles at all, I stay Hoover Tower after a president who various locations around campus. The away from buildings for a bit.” wasn’t such a failure. initiative, spearheaded by earthquake- Though deceptively simple, the Possible candidates mentioned expert Professor Walker Johnson, has implementation of this bold new system have included the so-called ‘not shitty been met with great acclaim from of seismic sensors faces numerous presidents’: Washington, Jefferson, both the university administration and challenges. For one, large amounts Lincoln, the Roosevelts, Kennedy, and [\]LMV\ JWLa¹?M _MZM \ZaQVO \W ÅVL of red Jell-O have gone missing from Reagan. The committee has stated a cheap and easy way of alerting the several of the vats lining Serra -- birds, that the political party of the president community of seismic activity,” said squirrels, and foreign tourists are all doesn’t even matter, just as long as he’s Johnson, “and I think that the Jell-O suspect. The Stanford police have not Hoover. really will do the trick nicely.” ITZMILa IXXZMPMVLML Å^M [IJW\M]Z[ “What we’ve got here,” said John The innovative campaign -- with its this week who evidently had decided Hennesey, chair of the committee, “is catchy slogan, “If the Jell-O shudders, that having Jell-O shots at their party a case of arguably the country’s best duck and cover” -- promises to bring on Friday night was more important university aligning itself with its worst \PMÅMTLWN MIZ\PY]ISMLM\MK\QWV\W\PM than the safety of their fellow students. president. I know Hoover went here everyday man and woman. “Yeah, I feel (Kofman) and everything, but that’s something we of Babe Ruth. No, it’s worse than should actually be downplaying.” that. A backup shortstop couldn’t Hoover, well-known for not adapting single-handedly bring down his team to the rapid economic downturn of the like the way Herbert Hoover brought 1930s and allowing the United States down our country. Even a mediocre to wallow in depression, lost one of president would be okay—a Rutherford the most lopsided general elections in B. Hayes, or a Calvin Coolidge. Just not PQ[\WZa \W .,:  0M ÅVIVKML U]KP fucking Herbert Hoover. Every time I of the Hoover Institution with his own look at that damn tower I see a 285-ft money, but authorities say this doesn’t monument to sucking.” necessarily entitle him to anything. Other planned changes include “Christ,” Hennesey explained. renaming the Hoover Institution, “The guy was just a total assclown. It’d the Hoover Library, and the Hoover be like having a memorial in Yankee ^IK]]U KTMIVMZ WV \PM \PQZL ÆWWZ WN  stadium to a backup shortstop instead Burbank. (Driscoll) One of the giant Jell-O blobs detecting seismic activity in White Plaza. QUOTE: ´5HDGLQJDERXWWKHHYHQWDWRIÀFLDOUR\DOZHGGLQJRUJMXVWPDGHPHIHHOOLNH,ZDVWKHUHµ

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 1300 7KHQXPEHURI3UR)URVZKRLQWHQGWRGRXEOHPDMRUDOOWKH ZD\2IWKHVHSODQWRGRXEOHPDMRULQ0DQDJHPHQW6FL- HQFHDQG(QJLQHHULQJ$QRWKHUSODQWRWDNHERWKWKH0DWK +VHULHVDQGWKH3K\VLFVVHULHV5HJDUGOHVVRIWKHLUPD- MRUVHDFKRIWKHVHVWXGHQWVSODQVWRVWDUWIRXUVWXGHQWJURXSV IRXQGDQHZVWDUWXSDQGZLQWKH'HDQ·V$ZDUGDOOZKLOH KDYLQJWLPHWRJHWVKLWIDFHGIRXUWLPHVDZHHN DWOHDVW 

6KXW\RXUH\HVVSLQDURXQGWHQWLPHVDQG last week’s answers: TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT, UNDERHANDED, FEAR VWXPEOHRQRYHUWR OF HEIGHTS, FREELANCE WRITING ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP Come To The Flipside Puzzle Extravaganza! If you like solving the Flipside puzzles, come to the Flipside Puzzle Extravaganza. We will bring out our best puzzles: rebus, jumbles, and more. It is a team event, and is Friday, May 6th at 7-8pm in Slav. See details on the Flipside Facebook Page. Last week’s winner: Charles Limouse This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT Q = A YC QTC QSS Q SFUUSC YCFTG QAG SFVC’D Q SFUUSC YCFTG, QAG YNCA YC VFAG DHICHAC YNHDC YCFTGACDD FD BHIWQUFKSC YFUN HZTD, YC LHFA ZW YFUN UNCI QAG VQSS FA IZUZQS YCFTGACDD QAG BQSS FU SHPC. -GT DCZDD

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: DANCING IN ALL ITS FORMS CANNOT BE EXCLUDED FROM THE CURRICULUM OF ALL NOBLE EDUCATION; DANCING WITH THE FEET, WITH IDEAS, WITH WORDS, AND, NEED I ADD THAT ONE MUST ALSO BE ABLE TO DANCE WITH THE PEN? -FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ 6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN7RRUGHUDVKLUWHPDLOÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXRU talk to someone on the Flipside. COHAN

EZMAA

SUMPAC

HOW THE RABBI OBTAINED POLITICAL ACLIRG POWER

HE RAN A

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: OBESE, NOOSE, COUNTY, POKERS PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR The type of legal service that U2 provided in Africa: PRO BONO UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 27, No. 87 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES :LWK2VDPD'HDG6HDUFKIRU5HPDLQLQJ+RUFUX[HV,QWHQVLÀHV

While the death of Osama bin Laden marks a tremendous achievement for \PM =VQ\ML ;\I\M[ UQTQ\IZa WNÅKQIT[ report that the War on Terror is far from over. Lieutenant Colonel Bradley Connors told the White House press corps, “bin Laden knew al Qaeda’s mission would continue long after his death, so he split his soul into seven MTV Cribs To Film Next pieces, or Horcruxes, in the hopes of regaining strength and one day Episode At Osama Hideout reclaiming leadership of the radical movement. Special task forces have been dispatched throughout the Middle East that are working around the clock \W ÅVL IVL LM[\ZWa \PM 0WZKZ]`M[ [W that we can put an end to bin Laden Several of the very dangerous Horcruxes that must be destroyed. once and for all.” gel, and bin Laden’s favorite shower may be harboring parts of the soul of Connors went on to explain that the loofah. Because of these intelligence Osama. P]V\ NWZ 0WZKZ]`M[ I PQOPTa KTI[[QÅML breakthroughs, we were able to prevent “The administration understands the operation until now, began several years airport travelers and irresponsible need for decisive action in the coming ago when President Bush launched an college students from unwittingly weeks,” assures Connors, “Once these QV^I[QWV WN  1ZIY QV IV I\\MUX\ \W ÅVL ingesting or transporting a piece of bin ÅVIT0WZKZ]`M[IZMLM[\ZWaML\PM\PZMI\ .REH6WLOO&RQÀGHQWWKH JQV 4ILMV¼[ ÅZ[\ 0WZKZ]` · I _MIXWV Laden’s soul.” of Osama and his terrorist followers Lakers Will Come Back For of mass destruction. “Though people President Obama has promised _QTT ÅVITTa JM LMUWTQ[PML MVLQVO \PM criticized the administration for the Some Reason that terrorism will be over once menace of terrorism to freedom-loving 1ZIYQQV^I[QWVQ\_I[IKZ]KQITÅZ[\[\MX the seven Horcruxes are found and peoples around the globe.” in our hunt for Horcruxes. Even though destroyed. However, there has only been While the military is working to the WMD eluded us, we discovered speculation about where the remaining complete the search, Hollywood has Z[HUMVYKÅPWZPKLJVT the identity of three other Horcruxes, Horcruxes may be. Many government started production on a feature length UL^Z[\ăL]LY`KH` including a can of Four Loko, a three QV\MTTQOMVKMWNÅKQIT[IZMKWV^QVKML\PI\ ÅTU" Barack Obama and the Prisoner of ounce bottle of some type of liquid or Sarah Palin and Donald Trump both Abottobad. (Hoffer, Adler)

Mattel Releases New Educational Toy “Cat in the Box” FLIPSIDE FEATURE -Cockblocks: Then and Now

In a conference attended by tens People have been hooking up all through history, and hookups have of interested toy magnates, Mattel announced that their newest toy, the been going awry for just as long. This handy chart compares for two “Cat in the Box,” will be released in different time periods the unfortunate cockblock scenarios in which Summer 2012. aW]I[\ZIXXQVOaW]VOUIVUQOP\ÅVLaW]Z[MTN “It’s a take on the traditional Jack- in-the-Box,” explained Mattel’s CEO Modern Day Middle Ages *WJ -KSMZ\ ¹?M¼^M R][\ UWLQÅML I Midway through undressing, the Midway through removing her girl stops to ask for a commitment glove, the girl stops to ask whether cat in the box unknown until the crank JMaWVL¹NZQMVL[_Q\PJMVMÅ\[º you intend to marry her. The Cat-in-the-Box will is wound and the music plays. “So there are two plastic cat heads An obnoxious Pandora ad interrupts Your violin accompanist stops play- help kids from ages three on springs in the box,” says product the perfect hookup playlist. ing and starts complaining about to seven learn quantum designer Michael Lewis. “One head being a serf. mechanics by making the state depicts a dead cat, with its tongue The girl’s very attractive former The girl’s very attractive former of the cat in the box unknown hanging out and an X in each eye. The hookup texts her “I want you... suitor barges in and challenges you other depicts a live cat, with its eyes open come over.” to a duel for her love. until the crank is wound and and a collar that says ‘I can haz life’ on You puke and/or fall asleep after You puke and/or fall asleep after the music plays. it. When the crank is turned and the drinking too many glasses of wine drinking too many glasses of wine music plays, a nuclear reaction happens that night. that night. inside the box that vaporizes one of the cats such that when the box opens, there You hesitate for a second when she You hesitate for a second when she is only a live cat or a dead cat inside.” asks whether you have any STDs. asks whether you have bubonic few things to help kids get a learning plague. experience out of our product as well as Mattel predicts that, assuming the a recreational experience.” reaction remains contained, the Cat-in- AW]KIV¼\ÅVLIKWVLWU You’re good; condoms won’t be the-Box will be a safe learning experience The “Cat-in-the-Box” will help kids invented for quite a few centuries. from ages three to seven learn quantum that will provide fun for children for (Kuenzel) mechanics by making the state of the generations to come. (Karpas) THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:&KULVWLQD=KX QUOTE: “Campus approves ROTC; Osama dead within one week... coincidence?” -Stanford Review

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 229 The number of career playoff wins for Lakers coach Phil Jackson. Also the number of times he said “fuck” under his breath while the Mavericks were blowing out the Lakers by 36 points. Kobe also said “fuck” 200 times, and Andrew Bynum was on pace to say “fuck” 321 times, but he got ejected.

This is a website on the internet: ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP last week’s answers: FORTUITOUS, TWELFTH NIGHT, SPACE BAR, KILI- MANJARO This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT W = A LT LMESYD KWX ESY LMXE JYWFENZFG KMLWB N YUYD XWK. WGG N WL N MKY EM LT LM- ESYD. N WEEDNJFEY WGG LT XFQQYXX NB GNZY EM ESY LMDWG, NBEYGGYQEFWG, WBO HSTXNQWG YOFQWENMB N DYQYNUYO ZDML SYD. -AYMDAY KWXSNBAEMB

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: WE ARE ALL A LITTLE WEIRD AND LIFE’S A LITTLE WEIRD, AND WHEN WE FIND SOMEONE WHOSE WEIRDNESS IS COMPATIBLE WITH OURS, WE JOIN UP WITH THEM AND FALL IN MUTUAL WEIRDNESS AND CALL IT LOVE. -DR. SEUSS Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ 6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN7RRUGHUDVKLUWHPDLOÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXRU talk to someone on the Flipside. RCOSU

TOHNM

ETLHME

THE FEMALE MUSCLE WHO RULES SGIMOE THE MOUTH

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: NACHO, AMAZE, CAMPUS, GARLIC how the PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR rabbi obtained political power HE RAN A SHMEAR CAMPAIGN UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 28, No. 88 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Bin Laden Receives Both Criticism And Praise For Porno Stash =; UQTQ\IZa WNÅKQIT[ ZMKMV\Ta ZM^MITML\PI\\PMaPILNW]VLITIZOM IZKPQ^MWN XWZVWOZIXPaQV7[IUI JQV4ILMV¼[KWUXW]VL )VITa[\[ [Ia \PQ[ LM^MTWXUMV\ _QTT TQSMTa \IZVQ[P JQV 4ILMV¼[ QUIOM _Q\PQV \PM XZMLWUQVIV\Ta KWV[MZ^I\Q^M \MZZWZQ[\ 18-20 Year Old Black Man WZOIVQbI\QWV[ With Dreadlocks and Chubby )ITIU *I[PQZ I N]Z UMZKPIV\ Indian Man Who Smells of NZWU 8ISQ[\IV _I[ M[XMKQITTa Apples Getting Together for a LQ[IXXWQV\MLQVJQV4ILMV Party at Your Place ¹1PILVWXZWJTMU_PMVPMSQTTML \PW][IVL[WN QVVWKMV\[IVL[\IZ\ML I VM_ MZI WN  _IZ[º [IQL *I[PQZ 2VDPDLQKLVÀQDOGD\VZDWFKLQJNasty Burka Babes ¹*]\TWWSQVOI\PW\KWML[]ZQVI\QVO M^MVPI[IVWZQOQVIT]VK]\KWXaWN  IV]V\Q\TMLÅTUQV_PQKP\_WNMUITM QVX]JTQKQ[IJ[WT]\MTa]VNWZOQ^IJTM ;I\Q)SZIU¼[UI[\MZXQMKMIEDesires QV[]ZOMV\[UISMW]\_Q\PMIKPW\PMZ 1IUVW_KWV^QVKMLJQV4ILMV_I[ WN IV1VÅLMTQVJW\PQ\[PIZLKWZMIVL QVNZWV\WN IJ]ZVQVO)UMZQKIVÆIO VW\IOWWLUIVº [WN\KWZM^MZ[QWV[º IVL_ZM[\TMVISMLQVQ\[I[PM[*QV 1V[XQ\MWN \PMOMVMZIT[MV[MWN  ¹6M^MZ JMNWZM PI^M 1 JMMV [W 4ILMV¼[ KWTTMK\QWV IT[W NMI\]ZML I W]\ZIOM VW\ M^MZaWVM PI[ ZMIK\ML IZW][MLJa\PMQV\MZXTIaWN[PZIXVMT NIQZTaM`\MV[Q^MOIaXWZVKWTTMK\QWV VMOI\Q^MTa \W \PM LQ[KW^MZa WN  IVLJWVLIOMºPMILLML QVKT]LQVO []KP ÅTU[ I[ :IUILWVO[ 7[IUI¼[XWZV[\I[P 1V ILLQ\QWV \W XWX]TIZ [MZQM[ IVL7[IUI[QV4ILMV"

Tooth Fairy Wanted For Over Three Million Against All Odds, Crothers Resident and Slav Counts of Breaking and Entering Resident Maintain Long Distance Relationship 1V WVM WN  \PM 1V TQOP\ WN  7[IUI JQV 4ILMV¼[ ZMKMV\ OZMI\M[\ NMMT LMUQ[M [XMK]TI\QWV PIL JMMV [_QZTQVO I[ \W OWWL [\WZQM[ _PW_W]TL\ISMPQ[XTIKMWV\PM.*1¼[5W[\ WN  \PM \_MV\a ?IV\ML 4Q[\  )V\QKQXI\QWV _I[ LQ[XMTTML I\ ÅZ[\ KMV\]Za I XZM[[ KWVNMZMVKM TI[\ <]M[LIa _PMV .*1 +ZW\PMZ[ ZM[QLMV\ IOMV\[ZM^MITML\PMQLMV\Q\aWN )UMZQKI¼[VM_ 4WZQ ;KWVM IVL XZQUIZa \IZOM\" \PM TWVO\QUM JTIKSUIZSM\ ;TI^ ZM[QLMV\ KZQUQVITIVLPIJQ\]IT\ZM[XI[[MZ_PWQ[SVW_V 2IKS 0WTTW_Ia IZM UIVIOQVO _PI\ UIVa UW[\TaJaPMZITQI[¹\PM

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 14 The average number of parts per question on take-home midterms. This is also the approximate number of hours it ZLOOWDNHWRÀQLVKHDFKTXHVWLRQDQGWKHSHUFHQWDJHRIHDFK TXHVWLRQWKDW\RXZLOODQVZHUFRUUHFWO\%XWGRQ·WZRUU\, heard that questions 6m and 13j are really doable!

Lonely? Confused? Looking for love? Visit ZZZVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPtoday! last week’s answers: AGONIZE, NOSE RING, SIGHTSEEING, MARINARA SAUCE This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT C = A UZO ILHHOGOKJO VOUYOOK C SMGCA SCK CKI C SCK MH ZMKMG LF UZCU UZO ACUUOG GOWGOUF C ILFJGOILUCVAO CJU, OTOK YZOK LU ZCF YMGEOI CKI ZO ZCF KMU VOOK JCPWZU. -Z.A. SOKJEOK

LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: MY MOTHER WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I EVER SAW. ALL I AM I OWE TO MY MOTHER. I ATTRIBUTE ALL MY SUCCESS IN LIFE TO THE MORAL, INTELLECTUAL, AND PHYSICAL EDUCATION I RECEIVED FROM HER. -GEORGE WASHINGTON Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ 6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN7RRUGHUDVKLUWHPDLOÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXRU talk to someone on the Flipside. YEKSP

UKAHI

VYATIC

THE GIRLY NUMBER THAT SQUARES TO IQUENS NEGATIVE ONE

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: SCOUR, MONTH, HELMET, EGOISM the PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR female muscle who rules the mouth MOTHER TONGUE UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 29, No. 89 ww.stanfordÁ ips HEADLINES Schwarzenegger Set on Terminating Sex Scandal Sources close to Arnold Schwarzenegger report that the former governor of California has traveled thirteen years back into the past with the express purpose of nipping his current extramarital affair scandal in the bud. Pedro Salavarra, Schwarzenegger’s head Finals Studying Plans Back on gardener, told the Flipside that After Rapture Falls Through he last saw the lifter-turned-star- turned-politician running out the back door of his mansion, naked Schwarzenegger in his sex-scandal-termination attire. and armed with nothing but a 1998 mean, it could be just awful--if past to kill this lady, but I just love phonebook and his favorite Shake while trying to terminate the staffer it. What initiative. What a great Weight. “I immediately assumed Mr. Schwarzenegger accidentally concept for a story.” the worst,” said Salavarra. “I feel catches himself with her in bed, a ?Q\PQVPW]Z[WN \PMÅZ[\ZMXWZ\[ like I once saw something like this vicious self-propagating paradoxical of Schwarzenegger’s journey, happen in a movie.” cycle of annihilation could ensue. rumors surfaced that the son he California’s top scientists and The results could be catastrophic had fathered as a result of his [KQMVKM ÅK\QWV _ZQ\MZ[ PI^M ITT for our universe.” indiscretions had followed him into US Military Unveils Dog been summoned to Sacramento to Perry Simon, best-selling the past. It seems that the future of Capable of Smelling Hatred of LQ[K][[ \PM XW\MV\QIT ZIUQÅKI\QWV[ America ÅK\QWV I]\PWZ M`XZM[[ML W]\ZQOP\ humanity rests on the outcome of of Schwarzenegger’s actions. admiration for Schwarzenegger’s their battle, and at this point one “It’s really kind of crazy to bravery: “I don’t know where he can only sit back, watch, and hope Z[HUMVYKÅPWZPKLJVT think about,” giggled theoretical got the idea to solve his present for the best. (Kofman) physicist Dr. Martin Warner. “I M\UU`L]LY`KH` problems by going back to the Report: The Environment is Stanford Receives ROTC Rejection Letter

Destroying the Environment A few weeks ago, Stanford’s We wish you success in your future Faculty Senate voted to admit endeavors and hope you will consider For years, environmental ROTC into Stanford. Late last inviting us back in future years. scientists blamed anthropogenic week, however, Stanford received CO2 emissions for destroying a letter from the military indicating Sincerely, the environment. However, a that the ROTC has decided not to General Patrick Portage recent study by researchers at accept Stanford’s offer of admission. ROTC Admissions Director Stanford University found that The full text of the letter reads: the environment is itself to blame When asked about the military’s for much of the destruction to the “Dear Stanford Faculty, decision, General Portage explained environment. that the ROTC had opted to go 0]ZZQKIVM[ NWZM[\ ÅZM[ An example here of the environment I am writing to thank you for your with Princeton next year rather earthquakes, and tsunamis are destroying itself once again. invitation to attend your beautiful campus. than Stanford. “When it comes all responsible for killing trees, This year, the ROTC received a record down to it, it’s all about the people. displacing entire colonies of native begun asking the environment to number of invitations back to schools who The people at Princeton are just ant species, and scaring the bejesus stop hurting itself. “I talk to the thought they were too good for us back so....amazing. They’re also less W]\WN Å[P environment every day,” said Jamie in ‘Nam. Unfortunately, we do not have gay. The decision practically made “The environment is basically Kwan, a Los Angeles resident. “I enough resources to accommodate every itself,” said Portage. shooting itself in the foot,” said talk to the ground. I talk to the offer. While Stanford is a very impressive When asked whether the team leader Barbara Richardson. trees. I just hope the environment institution, the ROTC has decided not military ever doubted its decision, “We try to help the environment by will listen to reason. to accept your invitation to return. Not Portage replied, “It’s not a matter recycling and not showering, and it The U.S. state department M^MZa[KPWWTQ[IOWWLÅ\NWZ\PM:7<+ of doubt. We are the military, we responds with a tornado. What a yesterday put the environment Please understand that your requirement don’t make mistakes. We’re going douchebag!” Many people agree- on suicide watch in response to that transgendered students be allowed to to go to Princeton, and we’re going -the environment is totally out of reports that the environment used participate in all ROTC classes had very to like it.” (Adler) control. lightning to burn down several little to do with our decision--many other In response to the report, many trees in Montana. (Hefter) Y]ITQÅML QV[\Q\]\QWV[ _MZM IT[W LMKTQVML people around the world have THE FLIPSIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE IS NOW ONLINE! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:6DUDK6SLNHV QUOTE: “Rapt’ure? But I hardly even know her!”

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 15,000 The number of 4 loko cans consumed between May 20th and May 21st at 6pm in preparation for the rapture. Many KDGEHHQVDYLQJWKHLUÀQDOORNRVIRUWKHODVWGD\RIWKH universe, but were disappointed to wake up this past 6XQGD\DQGÀQGWKHZRUOGWRVWLOOEHWKHUHEXWWKHLUORNRV to be gone. Hey guys, don’t worry. There’s always the next rapture.

Made it through the rapture? Pat your self on the back last week’s answers: INDIGO BLUE, SOLAR ECLIPSE, CHECK-IN TIME, by visiting ARISTOCRAT VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP. This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT F = E NYF HLUHQOF QD ISDF SO NQ ISGF SN, NQ NRONF FZHFUSFKTF NQ NYF LN- BQON, NQ UFRTY QLN FRMFUIJ RKV ASNYQLN DFRU DQU KFAFU RKV USTYFU FZHFUSFKTF. -FIFRKQU UQQOFGFIN LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MORAL MAN AND A MAN OF HONOR IS THAT THE LATTER REGRETS A DISCREDITABLE ACT, EVEN WHEN IT HAS WORKED AND HE HAS NOT BEEN CAUGHT. -H.L. MENCKEN

Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ 6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN7RRUGHUDVKLUWHPDLOÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXRU talk to someone on the Flipside. ITYEP

PHOPI

VILSEW WHAT THEY CALLED THE BALL OF PLASMA WHO RADERM RULED CINEMA

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: PESKY, HAIKU, CAVITY, SEQUIN the girly PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR number that squares to negative one PINK EYE UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ Download the Flipside iPhone app! VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP N@E8=I<< =C@GJ@;< J?FK>C8JJ j\\YXZb w ide.com Free Everywhere, $2.30 Canada Year 3, Issue 30, No. 90 ww.stanfordÁ ips The Flippy Awards 2010-2011 The Flipside Year in Review After a year of hard work, you deserve some recognition. That’s why the Flipside has decided to honor the most important contributions of the year with “The Flippies.” More prestigious than the Emmys and more insightful than your second quarter IHUM kid, The Flippies tell it like it is and we tell it with taste, style, and class.

Couple Most Likely to Get Walked Out On/Walked in On: Gaieties Boyfriend/Girlfriend

5W[\4QSMTa+ZQUQVIT8ZWÅTM" Chubby Black-Indian Man with By Barney Schmutz a sense of humor about Gaieties. March Dreadlocks Who Smells of Apples, Wikileaks reveals your grades. Also, a.k.a. an Oompa Loompa. Runner- Well, the 2010-2011 school year HARRY POTTER! OMG! The “List” goes public. The up: Bernie Madoff is coming to a close, and what a deepest and darkest secrets of year it’s been! Stanford Football was December explorecourses.stanford.edu. have Best Place to Find an Asian: Main really good, but still not quite as good now been condensed to a one page Quad. Runner-up: Lag Dining as eight other Stanford sports you Wikileaks drama continues, but summary in Comic Sans. You don’t go to watch. But that’s just the you can’t keep track of it ‘cause connivingly begin to craft your Spring Group Most Likely To Be A beginning. Since this is our last issue you’re on winter break researching Quarter schedule. You try to have no Radio Station: 3B;= for 2010-2011, we’ll take you through \PMQVÆ]MVKMWN _MI\PMZXI\\MZV[WV classes on Friday because you just the whirlwind of a year we’ve had at the mating habits of raccoons in the want to have fun fun fun fun, lookin’ Best Food on Campus: Bring Stanford. Caucasus region. Take a break from forward to the weekend! #winning Chipotle back to campus. Runner-up: the daily grind! Bring In-N-Out back to campus. September April January Judicial Body Most Likely to Do The new freshmen arrive, and ASSU elections season begins and Whatever the Hell they Want: the same shit happens all over again Stanford Football wins the Orange ends. AlertSU text message system Supreme Court (Winning for the with a new round of dorm posters Bowl, but most of you just try to use continues to spam you with mass- 154th year in a row). and alcohol transports. You become it as an opportunity to skip classes. texts about hanging out, but you are addicted to waiting in line, so you go When Jim Harbaugh announces that too busy reading ugres_rcfs@lists. Worst Place to Go on a First to Ike’s four times a week. Stanford PM_QTTTMI^MaW]ÅVQ[PaW]ZTI[\.W]Z stanford.edu. Stanford argues a lot Date: The South Stacks. Runner-up: Football: 4-0. Lokos to drown out your sorrows. about ROTC. Kappa Sig But, Andrew Luck decides to stay, so October you don’t even care that a mountain May HEADLINES lion is roaming around your room. Thanks to Four Loko use Also, you can’t stop laughing about May starts off with a bang as skyrocketing and the Bed Hot Prowl. Osama bin Laden’s death and Cinco Intruder song, October is fucking de Mayo happen in the same week. aaaaawesome! Also, the football team February Later in the month, the rapture is winning, so that’s fun. You spend comes and goes. Special Dinner is your time going to football games The Flipside requests a segway a huge shit show all across the Row, and falling asleep during the Dalai for Special Fees, and you get super and you talk about how you blacked Lama’s talk. Stanford Football: 7-1. excited because you really want to the fuck out and fell asleep at like Student Wakes Up Late for ride it next year. You start to learn a "XUWV\PMÆWWZWN aW]ZTW]VOM Take-Home Final November lot about the Middle East, like where Libya is, but you still don’t know June You are pretty unhappy because _PMZM 1ZIY Q[ IVL aW] LMÅVQ\MTa Four Loko gets banned, but you don’t know how to spell Muammar June hasn’t even happened yet, stockpile enough to pregame the /ILLIÅ AW]ZBWLQIK [QOV KPIVOM[ J]\_M¼ZM[]ZMaW]¼TTXI[[aW]ZÅVIT[ football team’s Big Game victory but you take it in stride because you And the Flipside was there to cover against Cal. Unfortunately, you don’t are an Aquarius. it week in and week out. Thanks for have enough Four Loko to have reading, and we’ll see you next year. Graduating Senior Finally Able to Forgive IHUM -YVT[OL-SPWZPKLZ[Hă[OHURZMVYYLHKPUN End of the Year Puzzle Winners Will Be Announced Online! *RWRVWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRPWRVXEPLW\RXUDQVZHUVWRWKHSX]]OHFKDOOHQJH7KHÀUVWVROYHUZLOOZLQD)OLSVLGHVKRWJODVV Last week’s winner:%ULDQQD3DQJ QUOTE: “Thanks for reading!” - Flipside Staff

Can you guess the common word REBUS PUZZLES or phrase portrayed below? NUMBERS 7 The number of die-hard Third Eye Blind fans currently at Stanford. These seven students, still living in the late 1990s, also still face such pressing issues as the Y2K bug. (Don’t spoil it for them, but the Y2K bug didn’t really pan out, and it is now 2011. Shhhhhh!)

Living in 2011 with the internet? Check out VWDQIRUGÁLSVLGHFRP. last week’s answers: ABANDONMENT, CAR INSURANCE, GRANDIOSE, DRAMATIC PAUSE This is a simple substitution code. Each letter is replaced by a different letter. Try to CRYPTOGRAM CHALLENGE decode the message or quote below. HINT C = O VJZA DZ PCA DOGJPJZZ, HPO AC GDJ ZCQJADQJZ CP ALJ SVHZZ CP H ZBQQJV OHK GDZAJPDPS AC ALJ QBVQBV CN EHAJV, CV EHARLDPS ALJ RGCBOZ NGCHA HRVCZZ ALJ ZXK, DZ LHVOGK H EHZAJ CN ADQJ. -WCLP GBYYCRX LAST WEEK’S ANSWER: THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS TO LIVE IT, TO TASTE EXPERIENCE TO THE UTMOST, TO REACH OUT EA- GERLY AND WITHOUT FEAR FOR NEWER AND RICHER EXPERIENCE. -ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

Unscramble these four ordinary FLIPSIDE TSHIRT JUMBLE jumbles, and use the letters in Each week we will feature the design of a limited edition t-shirt for $5. FLUFOHVWRDQVZHUWKH¿QDOTXHVWLRQ 6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHRQWKHEDFN7RRUGHUDVKLUWHPDLOÀLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXRU talk to someone on the Flipside. EKDAB

HECCA

TREAFT WHAT THEY CALLED THE COMPUTER PROGRAMMER’S WADNOR DIFFICULT CLOTHES

7KH6WDQIRUG)OLSVLGHLVDZHHNO\VDWLULFDOQHZVOHWWHU2XUVWRULHVDUHÀFWLRQDOEXWZH LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: PIETY, HIPPO, SWIVEL, MARRED what they PDNHMRNHVDERXWUHDOLVVXHV2XUJRDOLVQRWWRRIIHQG\RXEXWWRPDNH\RXODXJKDQGWR called the ball of plasma who ruled cinema MOVIE STAR UHIUDPHRXUZRUOGWRSRLQWRXWWKHDEVXUGLWLHV$Q\RQHLVIUHHWRMRLQWKH)OLSVLGHDQGZH ZRXOGORYHWRKDYH\RX:HPHHW7XHVGD\VDWSPWREUDLQVWRUP (GLWRULDO%RDUG-HUHP\.HHVKLQ=DFK*DODQW$GDP$GOHU/DQH\.XHQ]HO &RQWDFWÁLSVLGH#VWDQIRUGHGXIRUPRUHLQIRUPDWLRQ (ULF.DUSDV%UHQGDQ:HLQVWHLQ !e Stanford Flipside 2010-2011

FOUNDER: BARNEY SCHMUTZ PRESIDENT: JEREMY KEESHIN VICE PRESIDENT: ZACH GALANT MANAGING EDITOR: ADAM ADLER FINANCIAL OFFICER: BRENDAN WEINSTEIN PUZZLE MASTER: LANEY KUENZEL EDITORIAL BOARD: JEREMY KEESHIN, ZACH GALANT, ADAM ADLER, LANEY KUENZEL, ERIC KARPAS

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: ADAM ADLER, ALEX ZAMOSHCHIN, ALISA ROYER, ANNIE GRAHAM, BARNEY SCHMUTZ, BEN LUBKIN, BILL DRISCOLL, BRANDON EVANS, BRENDAN O'BYRNE, BRENDAN WEINSTEIN, CLAIRE COLLISON, CONOR DOHERTY, DAN SHAFFER, DANNY CRICHTON, DAVID KRAVITZ, ELLIE TITUS, ELLIS REID, ERIC CONNER, ERIC KARPAS, ERIC KOFMAN, GEORGE MALKIN, GERAD HANONO, JEREMY KEESHIN, JOE GETTINGER, JONATHAN PULSIPHER, JOSHUA CHARNIN-AKER, JUSTIN HEFTER, KEVIN MILLER, KEVIN WEBB, KRISTI BOHL, KYLE HOFFER, LANEY KUENZEL, MARK SAN- CHEZ, MATT IZANT, MICHAEL BERNSTEIN, MICHAEL BRANDT, MORGAN BASKETT, NORA JENDOUBI, RACHEL VASSAR, RUTHIE ARBE- ITER, SAM WRIGHT, SEAN POSADA, TYLER BROWN, WYATT ROY, ZACH GALANT Free Everywhere $2.30 Canada