Nothing But the Truth So Help Me God Nothing But the Truth So Help Me God 73 Women on Life’s Transitions Author ABOW Editors Mickey Nelson and Eve Batey SAN FRANCISCO © 2014 Nothing But The Truth, LLC All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechan- ical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permissions in writing from the publisher, Nothing But The Truth, LLC. Nothing But The Truth, LLC 980 Magnolia Avenue, Suite C-6 Larkspur, CA 94939 Nothing But The Truth So Help Me God: 73 Women on Life’s Transitions™ and Nothing But The Truth So Help Me God: 73 Women on Life’s Transitions Cover Design are trademarks of Nothing But The Truth, LLC. For information about book purchases please visit the Nothing But The Truth website at NothingButtheTruth.com Also available in ebook. Library of Congress Control Number: 2014936237 Nothing But The Truth So Help Me God: 73 Women on Life’s Transitions Compiled by A Band of Women Eve Batey, Editor. Mickey Nelson, Editor. ISBN 978-0-9883754-6-8 (paperback) ISBN 978-0-9883754-7-5 (ePub ebook) ISBN 978-0-9883754-8-2 (Kindle ebook) Printed in the United States of America Cover design by theBookDesigners, Fairfax, CA First Edition Contents Introduction Shasta Nelson / ix Section One: Moving On, Letting Go Love You Hard Abby Maslin / 1 The Shopping Trip Leslie Lagerstrom / 5 The Last Drop Sierra Godfrey / 9 Finally Fall Ashley Collins / 13 Home(less) and Gardens Heather Kristin / 16 I Think I’ll Make It Kat Hurley / 20 One Thought to Keep Sierra Trees / 25 Bloom Where You Are Planted Christine A. Krahling / 28 Elderly Eileen McIntyre / 31 Building an Empire to Investing in What I Love Janet Hanson / 33 Starting from the Edge Belva Davis / 36 Section Two: Growing Pains Monkey Bars Kerri Devine / 47 Into the Driver’s Seat Nancy Davis Kho / 50 Waiting Between the Lines Mihee Kim-Kort / 53 Mothering Is Just One Thing After Another Vicki Larson / 57 My Father Called for Me Vanessa Hua / 61 The Glue A.C. Hyde / 65 Hot Potato Kelley Hayes / 71 Tears and Possibilities Dawn Elyse Warden-Reeder / 74 Lucky Drive Karen Lynch / 78 Scales Abby Ellin / 82 Section Three: What Doesn’t Kill You Freedom at the End of a Gun Laurel Hilton / 93 Shedding My Skin Stephanie Hosford / 97 Last Call Dolores Coleman / 101 Age of Consent Kim Festa / 104 What Am I Supposed to Eat? Christie Tate / 108 Staring Down Christine Beirne / 111 The Whistle Mary Susan Buhner / 115 Becoming Special Jennifer Bush / 119 A Name for This Pain Aubree Deimler / 123 Rock Bottom Shelly Guillory / 128 A Red Sports Car Stops. A Door Swings Open. Rita Henley Jensen / 132 Motherhood Kelly Corrigan / 137 Section Four: Sex and Marriage Staying the Course Lisen Stromberg / 147 The Flip Side of Coming Out Eva Schlesinger / 151 The Chair to Somewhere Gina Raith / 154 A True Love Story Christi Levannier / 159 Game On Nora Feeley / 163 Falling Jenny C. Mosley / 166 For What It’s Worth Katie Clarke / 171 A Not So Sure Bet Valerie Singer / 175 Oral Sex Claire Hennessy / 180 Dorothy Ginny Graves / 184 Section Five: Life, Death, Religion, and Spirituality What Remains Christie Coombs / 193 My Splendid, Blended Family Marcia Sherman / 197 Finding Me Shannon Weisleder / 201 The Unthinkable Tanya Strauss / 206 The World, the Flesh, and the Devil Rose Gordy / 210 The Sign Tonja Steel / 214 Initiation Cristhal Bennett / 218 Love Wins Gabrielle Bernstein / 222 My First Word Was The “F” Word Siobhan Neilland / 226 The Water Tower Kelly Parichy Bennett / 231 Grace Shannon Lell / 235 Section Six: Power and Independence Cowboy Boots, Crawfish, and Courage Katrina Anne Willis / 246 The Sound of Woof Janice L. Green / 250 Word Mountain Terry Sue Harms / 254 Float Camille Hayes / 258 Tea and Toast Jessica Braun / 262 Single Mother of the Bride Jane Ganahl / 267 The Boardwalk Judy Johnson Berna / 271 The Terrifying, Exhilarating Unknown Kim Bender / 274 Mothering Mothers Lauretta Zucchetti / 277 The Unexpected Transition Megan Calhoun / 281 Artwork Vati’s Hühner Barbara Libby-Steinmann / 41 Scream 10 Johanna Uribes / 87 Extra Inner Nancy Calef / 142 Withdrawal Katherine Mariaca-Sullivan / 189 Ribbons Karen Young / 239 Transition Point Susan Schneider / 242 Joe’s Donut Shop Jan Shively / 286 The Moment Is a Living Seed Silvia Poloto / 289 Introduction Shasta Nelson, author of Friendships Don’t Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over . it became a butterfly.” —Anonymous We open this book about transitions with the recognition that each of us is in the midst of our own evolution. Maybe we’ve just suffered the greatest loss of our lives or are just starting to hear the hushed whisper of a new desire. No matter what form our transition takes, we are changing. We are, undoubtedly, within one of three stages of transition in some part of our lives, be it an ending, the unknown-in-between, or the new beginning. If not at this moment, we’ve been there so many times and have a quiet know- ing that we’ll be back. So we take a deep breath as we hold this book filled with the voices and stories of women, and we acknowledge the prayer in our hearts that says, “Speak to me with honesty. Resonate with me so I know I’m not alone. Inspire me so I can feel hope.” And it’s a prayer that will be answered. The Difference Between Change and Transition Few of us are taught the distinction between transitions and changes. To confuse the two makes our job of aligning ourselves more difficult. And it’s alignment that is the ongoing job description of our lives. William Bridges is clear in his book, aptly titled Transitions, that “Change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological.” In other words, what happens outside of us is the change; the internal reorienting process is transition. ix x Introduction In some cases, the change comes first: We’re fired, we find out we’re unexpectedly pregnant, a parent dies, a new opportunity presents itself with a phone call. Our invitation in those moments is to align our internal world to these new external changes. We have to metaphori- cally try on a new identity, imagining ourselves in the new way of life, brainstorming options, and recognizing the losses and gains that will come with this change. We have to come to terms with what it means for us to be recently unemployed, a new mom, or a daughter without a living parent. To find our ultimate peace we have to align our hearts and minds with our new reality. In some cases, the transition comes before the change. We search for love, choose to switch jobs, strive for a goal, and dream of retire- ment long before we create the possibility for it in our lives. At these times in life, we do all the internal work first, until we have the courage, the clarity, or the resources to bring about the change that will align our external world to the world we have already prepared for ourselves internally. Sometimes we’re the one who initiates the divorce, trigger- ing the change that reflects the internal choices we’ve already made. And sometimes we’re the one receiving that news from the other and have to do the internal processing since the change is set into motion. Either way, both parties are called to constantly practice the dance of transition and change, internal movement and external situations. Back and forth, little by little, we think one provocative thought at a time, make one courageous move, and then circle back to shift the thought a little more. We make the dance up as we go, seeking to find a rhythm between what we feel on the inside and what we see on the outside. Two dance partners that are seemingly at odds will soon flow as one. Whether the transition or the change occurs first, we are always seeking to align what we know is true on the inside with what is on the outside. We find peace in bringing the two together as much as we can. Introduction xi Understanding the Stages of Transition Beyond seeing the distinction between change and transition, under- standing that within every change and transition are three stages can bring clarity. There is always an ending, the unknown-in-between, and the new beginning. The three truths this offers are: First, there is no such thing as an ending without a new beginning. Second, there is never a new beginning apart from some ending. And third, just because we can’t yet see the next stage doesn’t mean it’s not there. To remember that beginnings and endings come hand-in-hand allows us see the forest, and not just the trees. Of course, if the change is something we want—marriage, a new baby, a big promotion, or early retirement—it’s easier to focus on the new beginning than what has to end to make way for the new. But just because we don’t validate the loss doesn’t mean it’s not there. As a cul- ture, we are so uncomfortable with loss that we think it’s something to be avoided. But if we neglect to recognize that with the desired baby also comes some loss of freedom, or we abandon the reality that a cer- tain passing away of our self-identity or some amount of grief accompa- nies responsibility, then we are deluding ourselves.