The Story of a Man Named Brady the Bradys Lined Their J.J

10 Features SIDELINES FEBRUARY 27, 1995 The story of a man named Brady the Bradys lined their J.J. BENSON backyard with astro-turf! Staff Writer The pointedly condescending humor i* inally,...a movie that cleverly makes fun of the truly speaks for my schmaltzy quality of the generation. Yes, I admit it. I've seen every episode of The Brady Bunch, (the most The Brady Bunch frequently syndicated t.v. "&"&"& (Three out of four) show of all time, by the way). I, like every young male series' writing (when they growing up in the 70's, lusted laugh, they're laughing at, for Marcia. My voice not with, the lame dialogue) changed with Peter's. I was while never resorting to there when the Brady's mean-spirited ridicule of the visited Hawaii, King's Island, show or its actors. ...glued to my t.v., sucking in Shelley Long and Gary the horrible acting and Cole are hilarious—doing pretentious plots from each some fascinating impressions pathetic, saccharin episode of Carol and Mike Brady, like a smoker siphoning the from Mike's calm vocal last whiff off a cigarette. inflections as he prophesizes I was, and still am, a for the kids about why Brady bunch junkie. (They "nobody likes a tattle-tale," to say the first step to recovery the exaggerated reaction is admitting it, right?) Well, shots of Carol, as she adds an I'm out of the closet now, I occasional "oh, Mike" for good guess. measure. When I first saw the Christine Taylor as trailer for The Brady Bunch Marcia sounds like and bears Movie—a vision of my an uncanny physical favorite way-too-functional resemblance to the original family having a backyard Marcia, Maureen potato-sack race on the big McCormick, as she bounces screen—I was secretly around school in her pink, intrigued. Much like that cotton-polyester-blend mini- empowering moment when I A Family for the 90s? skirt, wondering which boy is realized and admitted that I Like the phoenix rising from the ashes, so goes that 70's sitcom The Brady Bunch. the most "dreamy." like the BeeGees, the concept To refresh your memory, the three on the left have hair of gold like their mother But the show-stealing of this film spoke to me. This while the boys on the right lived with their father-all alone. performance in The Brady movie appealed to my characteristic of the Bunch Movie belongs to deepest sense of inner being; uproariously funny. The safe-sex 90's. Jennifer Elise Cox as Jan. my identity, y'know? film—which stars Shelley It seems that just about television family is recreated to the tee—the voices and Cox perfectly mimics the Generation X. This is us, Long and Gary Cole as Carol everything in the world has over-dramatic, breathy like it or not. and Mike Brady—uproots changed and evolved since mannerisms of each character, the horrible decor delivery of Eve Plumb, the The truth is, those of us the squeaky-clean family the carefree Brady era. first Jan. The paranoid, who lived it and understand from their early-70's origin Everything, that is, except of the rooms (much uglier on the joke will find this movie and plops them smack dab in the Brady family. the big screen),..they even the fast-paced, gang-bangin', Each defining acknowledge the strange way See Brady, page 12 Mom and dad go back to school Heart to Heart sleep on one of the vacant And that's when the fun GENE MELDRUM beds. really started. It is improbable that a CLARE ANN McDERMOT Special to Sidelines This is a typical morning "It gets really hectic patient can walk into a The scene looks like a for our family who are part of around here sometimes," Advice Columnist doctor's office as a first-time combination of "Little the growing number of Alice laughs, "but we work Just because abortion is patient, request an abortion, Rascals" and the "Keystone parents that are returning to real hard to provide our kids legal in Tennessee doesn't and obtain one. Cops," with children school to finish their with a caring household." mean that it ie easy to get You may have seen scurrying wildly between the educations. This we do by budgeting one. If a woman is pregnant advertisements for The bathroom and bedrooms, I guess we're kind of late our time with the kids. We in Middle Tennessee, and Pregnancy Crisis Center. while the adults are barking bloomers. We had our try to have at least one sit she believes that an abortion This is a pro-life out commands like a drill children first, and now we're down family meal together is her choice of action for organization. They will help officer motivating troops. planning our careers. I am each day. resolving her pregnancy, she a person cope with The breakfast table is a currently a junior in the "That way we can talk to has much to accomplish in a ; pregnancy, but they will not blur of activity, as the kids Recording Industry program each of the children and see very short span of time. aid a client in obtaining an wolf down whole wheat at MTSU, while my wife what's going on in their Some doctors in Middle abortion, or even with the waffles slathered with butter Alice is a biology major. lives," Alice says. Tennessee do perform most general of information. and honey, and wash it down Alice and I were married I usually like to do the abortions on occasion, but with a glass of cold milk. when we were 19 and had the cooking but this semester, those doctors do not openly In fact, they will not even keep the phone number in Then a quick checklist: J.T. first of our four children a between going to school full accept patients. If a woman has milk money. Manda has year later. time and working forty hours chooses to have an abortion The Pregnancy Crisis Center office of an agency in her books. Jared is wearing "We decided to have all a week I have given that duty through a private doctor, socks. And Becca is wearing our kids close together and up to Alice. more than likely it will have Middle Tennessee that will a coat. The slamming of the we just put off college until "We try to make our meals to be with her own, and provide abortions to their clients. front door brings a welcome they were all in school," quick yet nutritious," Alice under the umbrella of a silence to the house as Lucy, smiles Alice, who is also says. lengthy, well-established If you are considering the family dog, waddles off to working on her minor in doctor-patient relationship. See Heart, page 12 chemistry at MTSU. See School, page 13 .

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