Wednesday 11th October, 2006 9

There were so many bad decisions made by umpires in the middle and When like petty schoolboys, who had sworn the oath of allegiance to the school tie, we bowed and took the blows making the Test match a Boycott mockery. There was only one respite for the disgruntled viewers. Darrel Hair I heard for the first time Geoff By Hemantha Warnakulasuriya Boycott giving commentaries. I have The Lords and Ladies that control cut Hair assume that coloured men can heard that he was a pretty bore as a only win matches by cheating. batsman. But as a Cricket When Sri Lanka played some memo- rable matches prior to the world cup, Commentator he was superb. they created disorder and carnage by Geoff Boycott pummeling the ball over head of the to size infielders in one-day cricket. Amongst them was a freak; a biscuit manufactur- into the advertising hoardings and the whether the umpires were from the elit- Geoff Boycott who was called by the pret them as he sees fit, whether there’s er’s son, who made batman bite the dust. concrete terraces, but to no avail. ist panel or from which country they Pakistan team to provide expert evi- anyone to back him up or not. He The so called minnows and those fragile Finally, Arjuna and his merry men were hailed or the colour of their skin. A dence against the findings of Hair. offends players, particularly Asian play- emaciated cricketer of puny stature acquitted as there was no evidence. No decision made by them, through sheer Boycott drew more attention than Hair. ers. He gets up their noses with his emulated David by wreaking havoc. person saw this dastardly act nor was incompetence, crippling and changing He commented freely independently and abrasive and abrupt style. Not surpris- They defeated the mighty Goliath of there any video evidence and the the fortunes of the game and sending forthrightly. The worst humiliation that ingly, they feel he has abused his Cricket, the Aussies in the World Cup. impugned ball was missing. Such cal- cricketers to permanent retirement, was could be brought upon a Nation, is to authority” He commented on reverse Cheating must have been the reason for lous disregard was shown by the offi- a loathsome spectacle that ought to be deflower them of any honour and right- swing and said” Last year, though, such a spectacle. cials to the fundamental principal of attacked. At the end of the series I wrote eousness. That was what Hair did to beat Australia with reverse- The Goliath could not stomach this ball tampering. The ball that should that my man of the series was ‘Geoff Pakistan. Boycott did not mince his swing, used superbly by Andrew ignominious defeat. In 1997, the Aussies have been produced as proof went miss- Boycott’. words due to colour or other prejudices. Flintoff and Simon Jones. That was took revenge. It was true that the Sri ing. Thus, the Sri Lankans were cleared When, the former coach of England This was his most admirable streak. By treated as fair play simply on the basis Lankans were nonplussed by the fast and their honour restored. cast aspersions on Murali’s action after uttering those words he would have that they were white men. But it would moving ball and lighting fast tracks of Long after this episode, I remember England lost the one off match to Sri brought the ire and wrath of Australia be unfortunate if people went around the WACA and were humbled to an having written to ‘The Island’ about a Lanka at the Oval, Boycott pounced on upon himself, but he did not care. To assuming that Pakistanis cheat and innings defeat. But that’s enough. They test series where India and Sri Lanka him. He clobbered him with incisive dic- deflower Pakistan of honour righteous- white men don’t. must not be exposed as a nation of were involved. There were so many bad tum and asked him how he dared ques- ness without any evidence was a crime I am happy that Boycott is not an cheats. The worst and the most ignomin- decisions made by umpires in the mid- tion the action while being coach of the of outlandish proportions. eunuch and is prepared to fight for what ious accusation must not be heaped dle and like petty schoolboys, who had English Team. He said “ Hair doesn’t understand he believes is right and would prove upon them. In Cricket, the worst is sworn the oath of allegiance to the When Hair took upon himself the that his man-management is just not up that even the oracle could be wrong and match fixing, but, here the verdict is school tie, we bowed and took the blows task of ridiculing and disgracing the to scratch. He’s a book-learner, with a that Vestal virgins are not celibates and delivered long after the bails are making the Test match a mockery. There Pakistan cricket team by forfeiting the big ego. He has studied the rules of that Umpire’s don’t commit mistakes removed. Then comes, tampering with was only one respite for the disgruntled test match, it created history. It was cricket, and insists on his right to inter- purposely is lot of balderdash. the ball. If someone accuses you of viewers. I heard for the first time Geoff changing the conditions of the ball, it is Boycott giving commentaries. I have the worst infamy you can face, as the heard that he was a pretty bore as a bats- accusation is levelled against you by the man. But as a Cricket Commentator he adjudicators, who cannot do no wrong, was superb. His forthright comments the umpires. This is exactly how the made me more interested in his remarks Aussies extracted vengeance for the than the cricket. He simply lambasted ignominy they faced at Lahore. The the poor decisions of the umpires. The umpires, of whom one was a Pakistani, other commentators, especially from Sri found that Sri Lankan team had tam- Lanka, were a disgrace. Their commen- pered with the red cherry. taries were even worse than the deci- “Bloody Cheats” the Aussie media sions of the umpires. They were like had banner headlines. The umpires and eunuchs, guarding the vestal virgins, the match referee were assured of Sri unable to perform and side track the Lankan trickery and convicted the team issue of patently wrong decisions given of ball tampering. So the Sri Lankans against our team. Even a mild critique created another first in the annals of that umpires are not fallible, or wrong Cricket, the noblest and the gentlest of were never part of their vocabulary for all games. We were the first team to be fear of offending the hierarchy and los- convicted of ball tampering. The New ing the perks they earn by condescend- Zealand Match referee, the Pakistan and ing and nauseatingly repeating what the Aussie umpires were so self assured other commentators would say. that they even forgot to impound the During this pathetic display of ball. Arjuna Ranatunga protested. and either, ignorance or being subserviently showed that the ball has travelled at polite and gentle, Geoff Boycott came on lightening speed off the bat and banged the air. For him it did not matter Geoff Boycott the commentator

Full name: Born: October 21, 1940, Fitzwilliam, Current age: 65 years 354 days Major teams: England, Northern Transvaal, Yorkshire Nickname: Fiery, Boycs Batting style: Right-hand bat Bowling style: Right-arm medium Height: 5.10 ft Education: Hemsworth Grammar School Wisden Cricketer of the Year 1965 Walter Lawrence Trophy 1970 First England player to bat on all days of a five-day Test (1977 Trent Bridge v Australia) Received first ball in a ODI and was first wicket to fall.

If ever a defence appeared to be teams against defeat, and in Test impenetrable it was that of cricket and the Yorkshireman Geoff Boycott when his - the matches that counted in the first- mind was set on staying in. The fea- class averages - he was as sparing with tures of his forward stroke were the the attacking strokes as, in retirement, distance he thrust forward behind a he is strident in his opinions on the big left pad, how low his head was as game. he searched for signs of movement How valuable he was to England is from the ball, and its balance and com- shown by the fact that only 20 of his pactness. Add a sharp-edged thigh-pad 108 Tests ended in defeat, mainly when protecting the top of his leg and there he failed. wasn’t a chink of daylight to be seen. His most productive strokes, off the If he hadn’t made himself unavail- back foot through the covers (his spe- able for 30 Tests in his prime - because, ciality) and the on-drive, were majes- it was thought he felt that he, rather tic in their power and placement. than , should have suc- But he was not the man to press ceeded Ray Illingworth as captain - he home an advantage. A loner, and an would surely have become the first insatiable net-player, he was short of Englishman to make 10,000 Test runs. friends inside the game; indeed there He returned triumphantly in 1977, were many who heartily disliked him scoring a century in his comeback because of his self-centredness. Test and another - his 100th in first- But he had charm, and responded class cricket - in front of his adoring warmly to those who offered friend- home crowd at Headingley. ship. After his retirement he became a As opener he saw his first task as trenchant commentator. scoring heavily enough to protect his John Thicknesse (Cricinfo)