lRlIFORNIA Copyright 1970 _by the Associated Students of the CaliforniaTechInstitute of Technology. Incorporated.

Volume LXXI Pasadena, California, Thursday, June 4, 1970 Number 31 That W as The Year That W as Or Was It?

PROLOGUE Glendale, to the shop of News-Type Inaugural Paint-ln." Nobody bothered In the beginning (third term last Service, which faithfully printed it. to inform the Darbs of the change, so year), all was darkness and the curse of Meanwhile, Ed Schroeder, the erstwhile "Flush often - Pasadena needs water" Bickley's hot type was upon the land. Business Manager managed to raise greeted luminaries at Brown's inaugur­ And the Moskatel said, "Let there be himself from the floor, on which he ation the next week. photo offset. And let there be IBM was sleeping, to take an ad order. Brown's inauguration went without MT/SC's, that there may be copy Little did any of the 212 freshmen a hitch, with the possible exception of played out. And Let there be and transferees know what went into the intervention of the Caroline Varityper, that headlines may be that fateful first issue, which they Institute (again?), which picked that disgorged. And let there be paste-up received after somehow quantum jum­ very day to announce (again at an sheets. All this I do that the Tech may ping from Pasadena to Camp Radford. absurdly early hour) that Murray issue forth and multiply exceedingly For that matter, little did the 212 Gell-Mann had won the Nobel Prize in throughout the Institute." And the know what the year had in store for physics. The Tech did its homework morning and evening of Third Term. them. Camp Radford seemed a pleas­ this time, and was ready with And behold, there was brought ant succession of mountain golf with researched articles on quarks, the forth a glorious machine, named IBM Kip Thorne and some bawdy's talant eight-fold way, and such. MT/SC (or Hal), from the factories of show. Very Bizarre J. Thomas Watson, and mightily did So around and around the freshmen Following the ceremonies, a dinner the sales rep. sing its praises. And there go, in which house they land, who can and concert by Harper's Bizarre was brought forth in Winnett a know? ensued. The group ended their per­ Varityper, named Dial-a-Prayer, which Milestones Around Our Necks formance with Peter, Paul and Mary's did copiously fester headlines and "A very important milestone" came "Leaving on a Jet Plane," which the wreak 18 to 48 point words upon the three weeks into the term as the Bizarre did, and were promptly floor. And there were acquired from Board of Trustees approved going hijacked. Rapid Blueprint a score of years' cooed. Little did they imagine what Seven weeks into the term, the supply of paste-up sheets, that the will schemes for doing just that on a 1969 Big T came out, which, of the Moskatel might be done. And grander scale would be dumped on considering the shaft that publication the morning and evening of the them later. got last year, is amazing just in itself. summer. Someone should tell the Caroline Two weeks later, the official And the Moskatel said, "Let all Institute about such mundane matters campus crime wave struck. An armed these goodies, which I have obtained, as time zones. Max Delbruck did not robbery in one of the grad houses and be assembled in an office in Winnett, relish being awakened at five in the three other thefts occurred in one and let them be used in order that an morning, even though it was to tell night. Later in the week, someone obscure paper might issue forth and him that he won the Nobel Prize. made off with the large color television spread confusion over the land. And Caught completely off guard, the in Winnett Lounge. Perhaps someone let there be ads (not that NEAS on Tech still managed to have an extra wanted to see all of those Mission: high helped matters), and staff, and ready by the end of that busy day. Impossible episodes filmed in Millikan. photographers, that all this be done." Ole' Paint-In No Rainy Season And the morning and the evening of Harold Brown made the mistake of Interhouse Dance was dry, in the first issue. lamenting the lack of decoration on defiance of long-standing tradition. But the fence around Baxter. Dave Smith that hardly displaced crime as the FIRST TERM took it as a personal challenge, and headline story: Immaculate Heart Somehow, 48 hours after it started, organized what at first was going to be College and Caltech started nego­ the first issue ended. Or, rather, "Dirty Dave's Grafitti Contest," but tiations about having IHC move to somehow it quantum jumped to eventually became the "Harold Brown Pasadena instead of Claremont. And EXTREMELY LARGE STOCK • Evenings 'til 10 THE CALI FORNI.A TECH - Thursday, June 4,1970- Page Two PICKWICK BOOKSHOPS 6743 Hollywood BI., Hollywood another armed robbery occurred. Olive Walk. Neither action improved (213) HO 9·8191 • CR 5·8191 Magically, an l8-foot sequoia, ap­ relations between Page and the rest of Topanga Plaza, Canoga Park propriately decorated, appeared atop humanity, which is about all that (213) 883·8191 Throop for the Christmas season. Or should have ever been said. rather, a group of people decided to Haute Culture PAT'S LIQUORS do it right this time. First, they raised ASCIT Nominations coincided with AND DELICATESSEN $140 from various sources to finance an equally cultural event: the first and 1072 E. Colorado. SY 6-6761 Open to midnight daily. the project. A tree was moved from only Caltech pizza-eating contest. In 1 a.m. Fri. 6' Sat. Arcadia to the old steam plant, where the election, the Tech took its usual Keg Beer Party Supplies it was dressed in lights and tinsel, then strong stand by endorsing both candi­ moved one Sunday morning to its final dates in separate editorials (oh well). wekome to the position of glory. Fears that Dr. The year-long agitation of the Campus Bacher would be electrocuted in the Permanent Committee to Abolish the Barber Shop course of the lighting ceremony proved .P.E. Requirement (PCAPER) started to in Winnett Center Two Barbers to Serve You unfounded. bring results late second term as the 745 to 5:15 Monday - Friday So first term ended in a blaze of faculty Academic Policies Committee Paul A. Harmon glory, but with IHC still hanging at least discussed the matter. between Claremont and Caltech. Finally, second term closed with THE CALIFORNIA TECH SECOND TERM new officers for ASCIT, and new ID Second term opened with a full­ Thursday, June 4. 1970 cards for the members. Volume LXXI Number 31 dress, slam-bang faculty meeting on the IHC question. The rest is history: after THIRD TERM Published weekly except during examina· a few weeks, IRC announced that they As second term seemed mostly a tions and vacations by the Associated could not wait any longer and decided mistake, third term seemed like it Students of the California Institute of Technology. Incorporated. The opinions to go ahead with their move to never happened. expressed in all articles herein are strictly Claremont. We shafted them by our ..a':I~~~~~~.~ those of the author and do not necessarily indecision: they had to delay their ~ THE MUSEUM S represent those of either the editors or the. move slightly, and eventually called it ~ 103 SO. FAIR OAKS ~ newspaper staff. off when their fund-raising program ~ Copyright 1970 by the Associated Stu· PASADENA e dents of the California Institute of Tech­ ran into problems. nology. Inc. All rights reserved. To make up for it, Page spent the ~ ~ week doing two noteworthy things: Editors·in-Chief Paul A. Levin picking the rainiest day of the year to § ~ Ira D. Moskatel attempt to shower a Tech editor, and Philip M. Neches ~ § Entertainment Editor David Dobrin building a ramp from Greasy St. to the Features Editor Nick Smith Photography Editor John Fisher ~ ~ Sports Editor Richard Short When in the course of in­ ~ § Staff Bob Allen, Bruce human events it becomes Britton, Patricia Clabaugh. Dave Dixon, necessary that finals be ~ ~ Emden Gansner, Bob Geller. James upon you, unwind at ... Henry. Ursula Hyman. Jon Jacky. Alan ~ THE MUSEUM i. an inlerna- ~ Lederman. Bob Logan. Sharon Mason. lional folk dance cafe in ~ Tom Matoi. David Miller. Ed Schroeder. ~ Pa.adena doal encourage. Ihe ~ Martin Smith, Mike Stefanko. Richard 8 plea.ure. 0/ elhnic dance and \) Strelitz. Elloit Tarabour. Dick Wright. 1 mu.ic. The mo.' e.oleric re- ~ ~ que.'. can be filled, ..,hile the :Y Photographers ...... John Bean. John ROMA GARDENS ~ more common joy. arp .en.i- ~ Belsher. Steven Dashiell. Alan Stein. ~ li"el:r pro"ided for: meeling ~ 8~ /riend., pla:ring che.. or back. ~ Business Manager Marvin Mandelbaum Rammon in Ihe patio, or .impl:r :Y Circulation Manager Metin Mangir BEER & WINE mending /ra:red ner"e end. o"er :II a cup 0/ coffee. The mood i. r The California Tech publication offices: ~ ca.ual, the people are _rm 115 Winnett Center. 1201 East California 1120 E. Green "nd enthu.i".,ic. Boulevard. Pasadena. California, 91109. ReprE!sented by National Educational Ad­ vertising Services. Inc. Printed by News­ 449-1948 an international folk dance cafe Type Service. 125 South Maryland Avenue. open Tues. thru Sun. 8:00 p.m. Glendale, California. Second class postage OPEN 5 TO 1 DAilY 792-5439 paid at Pasadena. California. Beginners ClOss - fridays Subscriptions $1.50 per term $4.00 per year Life subscription $100.00 THE CALIFORNIA TECH - Thursday, June 4,1970 - Page Three

the first week, Hertz announced beautiful: one ecologist was heard to civilized manner at Caltech. Fm the that it would rent cars to students mutter that it should have been rest of the world, we only wish that (wow). And, by far more important, smoggy, just to show people. we could say as much. the mail room in Parkinson molted Two weeks later, President Nixon Good feelings between all paTties on into a full-fledged U.S. Post Office sent U.S. troops into Cambodia, which campus almost ran into trouble the sub-station. touched off protests across the nation. next week when a group of students The Admissions Committee ended Caltech was no exception, as classes asked that the flag be lowered to up sending out acceptances to 326, were cancelled Friday, May 8, in order half-mast in memorium for students including 39 girls. Subsequently, 31/39 to provide for day-long discussions on killed when police opened frlre on a of the girls and 187/287 of the guys Indochina, unrest, and a slew of other dorm at Jackson State. The: adminis­ accepted Ollr acceptance. semi-related issues. tration managed to cross its wires, Ecology Rampant Talk to a Trustee resulting in delay and needless Hot on the heels of the pizza-eating The following Monday, students, acrimony. contest came Earth Week. Varied faculty, and trustees met together in a Reaction to that incident led Harold activities and constantly-increasing manner which puts the UC Board of Brown to talk things over with a group momentum mark.ed that event. Perhaps Regents to shame. Believe it or not, of students, which restore:d much of their only disappointment was that the students and members of the "Estab­ what had been lost. At least, we hope air was clean and the weather lishment" can talk to one another in a so. Continued on Page Eight r , , We cordiallg invite KEITH EDWARDS: Good Night, Pau I California Teoh Having car problems? Good Night, Ira students and faculty Call Roto-Rooter, or Good Night, Ph;ll members to bank witlt u•. UL 3-1212 and pleasant dmams. Complete banking sert'ices including: Automobile Fin.ncing Bank·By·M.1I Certific.te of Deposit LUCHINO THE Checking Accounts (BOokkeeplna by electronic automation) ColI.teral Loans ••" VISCONTI'S _NEI) Drive·ln B.nking '~'~\'; Ti;;"tiNICOLOR~ Escrows Foreign B.nklng .;i}gfti. Hewas "ONE of the YEArR'S 10 BEST" Letters of Cradit S()()J} N.Y. T1MES-JUIJITH CRIST Home Modernization Loans REX.--'EW Life Insurance Loans. tobeoorne Money Orders thesecond "THE MOST BUIUTIFUL, OVER· Night Depos.itory WHELMING MOVIE I HAVE EVER Personal Loans most. ~.~.1 SEENI A BREATHTAKING MAS. Real Estate Loans 1A'wn;.L.llU. TERPIECEI" Safe Deposit Boxes manNazi.in _._LIZSMITH. COSMOPOLI1AN Savings Accounts Travelers Checks • f . 2610 E. COLORAOO Trust Services r---....._ ' MU 4·1774 U.S. Bonds ~...ua.llJ- ' SY 3·6149 Auto Banking Center at Colorado and Catalina Office, 1010 East, Colorado and Citizens Commercial Trust& Savings BankofPUi8adena, Murs: 9 toJ,:fJO daily; 9 to 6Fridays LIGHTE RISTOVE/HEATE R PASADENA Father's Gift Head Office: Colorado and Marenao Lights charcoal in 90 sec. Colorado and Catalina Office: 1010 E. Colorado cooking ready in 6 min. LA CANADA using 1!pc paper. No La Canada Office: Foothill and Beulah lighter fluids used. Steaks or burgers in Citizens 20 min. Stainless Steel $8.95 Ppd. Comnwreial 1'rust Aluminized Steel $4.95 Ppd. ($1.00 off to students and teachers) & Savings Bank Gift mailed or to you. One day service. of Pasadena AUTO FIRE, P. o. Box 487 Corinth, Miss. 38834 \. I THE CALIFORNIA TECH - Thursday, June 4, 1970 - Page Four

Tllt~ TeclllllxJut TDwn

Are You Into Firesign Theater? /V

Are you into the Firesign Theatre at was expecting to hear excellent chewing gum. At the risk of exposing all? If not, you might enjoy listening musicians playing inventive jazz of myself as a lout deaf to the subtleties to the "Firesign Theatre Hour Hour" profound subtlety and rhythmic com­ of modern jazz, I will say he wasn't on KPPC (AM & FM), Sunday nights plexity; instead, more often than not, very good. At first I thought he was from six to eight. They feature humor the band's music was dominated by playing so tentatively on purpose, but with incredible streams of conscious­ heavy repetitive rhythm lines from during his solos it became evident he ness and outrageous super subtle puns. congas, drums and bass, and dissonant, simply couldn't put anything together. They have also come out with two very electric tones from the piano and The concert was far from being an albums, How Can You Be in Two guitar. The two woodwinds were not outstanding performance, but every so Places at Once When You're Not very successful at being brilliant while often the band would quiet down or Anywhere at All (Columbia, CS 9884), being overwhelmed behind the rest of break out of its heavy rhythms enough and Waiting For the Electrician or the instruments. Indeed, it often to let Lloyd lead some really good Someone Like Him (CS 9518). These sounded as if Lloyd was trying to jazz. He can still do it-which leads are the only comedy-type albums I bring to his band's music the feeling of one to wonder what he has in mind would ever recommend buying; every a rock concert, and in my opinion the with this current lapse of taste. If he hearing unleashes newly discovered attempt was pretty embarrassing. The has decided to sell out and try to atrocities. way to convey excitement and free­ appeal to the rock and roll fans, before Head-well, leader-of the Theatre is dom with the sort of flute and he plays the Fillmore again he really Peter Bregman, of Radio Free Oz saxophone solos Lloyd plays is not by ought to learn to dance around the fame. They did the Jack Poet backing them up with such a heavy stage without tangling his legs up in Volkswagen ads" if you remember rhythm section as he was using. Also, the microphone cord. them. Supposedly they made his sales Lloyd's attempts to incorporate singing -John Jacky skyrocket, and then lose his franchise. into his act were just too bad. Some of Co-freaks are David Ossman, Philip this was quite obviously supposed to FILMS Proctor, and Philip Austin. Catch them be a parody of rock and roll, but I Recently, Beckman has found the on the Big PP while you can, so you don't think all of it was; in any case, it nadir in its long and heretofore might actually regret leaving Pasadena wasn't worth the reprise the band gave glorious history of film events. In one in a few weeks. Or, buy their albums; it. three week period Beckman has a third one is in the offing. Or eat a There can be no denying that perpetrated upon the paying public a turnip. Anything. Jlllst don't sit there. Charles Lloyd is an excellent musician; series of student films taken from the -B.A. I don't mean to give the impression libraries of film schools all over the that the concert was terrible; frequent­ continent and the worst production MUSIC-LIVE ly it was interesting; occasionally it that Janus Films has ever distributed, As anyone who has listened to his sounded very good, but those stretches Ingmar Bergman's The Ritual. The albums knows, Charles Lloyd experi­ often as not got chopped up pretty deserved popularity of Universal's The ments with different styles rather than rapidly. I was not impressed by Kinetic Art series has induced Univer­ settling on one. Last Friday night he Lloyd's band. The other. woodwind sal to try it again. They couldn't come surprised his audience at Beckman with player was very good, the bass player up with independent work of quality well over three hours of music and conga drummer were okay, I since they had used it all in The incorporating variations on a collage of didn't like the pianist's style, but the Kinetic Art; instead they looked at sounds ranging from electronic music drummer and guitarist were really student films. They weren't good to banal pop tunes and even spoken poor. Uncalled for behavior from the enough either, but the Universal people conversation. Lloyd was more interes­ drummer included terrible singing and must have figured that if not approving ted in pioneering than concentrating three solos, "Toad" fans. The guitarist the public would at least be forgiving. on playing the excellent jazz he is was unbelievable. Apparently fond of Not I. capable of, but in all fairness I must put-ons in the "Sha-Na-Na" vein he To say that these films lacked report that most of the audience loved affected a 1950's hard guy appearance polish, although tru enough would be the concert and gave Lloyd's group a -long blonde hair combed straight unfair. They exhibited a nauseating standing ovation. back, black shades, and, yes, he walked mediocre sameness; lack of polish was I was disappointed by the concert. I indifferently on stage conspicuously only one of the faults common to Page Five - Thursday, June 4, 1970 - THE CALIFORNIA TECH

virtually all the shorts. They also the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Maybe its his style but it didn't quite uniformly lacked any creative imagin­ version. The album includes "The "get it on." -Eliot Tarabour ation, any verve, any style, or any Circle Game," written in 1966 and originality. ((I would like to except the bumped from her second album. FILMS Great Walled City of Xan.)) The first Joni Mitchell writes beautiful lyrics, by David Dobrin time I saw a short subject with as is evident on this album, with To supplant the pre-eminent posi­ pictures cut from magazines flashed on "Willy," "For Free," and many others, tion of the American new wave in the the screen accompanied by a popular including the title song. If one wishes motion picture industry, a group of sing, I was mildly interested; by the to be technical, her verse is often in Hollywood producers have begun a fifth time I was bored. Each film uses Ionic and Doric scales, but I prefer to new revolutionary movement which, if the same method: films about indivi­ think of it as beautiful poetry set to successful, will become what I have duals are invariably silent, overused music, written by a beautiful lady. christened, The Great Adventurers' closeups and are either unintelligibly The disappointment comes from the Tradition ... This new direction is bland or are exciting throughout and odd arrangements used on some of the both in concept and execution dire have a surprise ending. The sound on songs. The people and places of her antithetical to the more established almost all of them is nearly obliterated second album were involved, but they youth pictures ... To innovation they by static and background noise. They didn't do as well. Random backing have countered plagiarism/to freshness, should pay us to see them. vocal choruses are added, and they a curiously ponderous staleness, like a But these were good compared to serve only to distract. Also, the album thirty-day-old piece of pound cake. To that overblown, overpublicized, over­ does not have a central theme this imagination they parry an adept mysterious piece of crap, The Ritual. I time, the way her others did, but it research staff. am sick and tired of foreign films that does not suffer much from the lack. Movies such as Easy Rider try to cover up their worthlessness by In "Woodstock," she says something direct their appeal to a relatively small, obscuring all plot, all characterization, good: "We are stardust/(Billion-year knowledgeable, sophisticated audience and everything that might be interes­ old carbon)/We are golden/(Caught up and their broad popularity has come to ting in a miasma of meaningless in the devil's bargain)/And we've got them only accidentally. They attract emotional symbolism. I must confess; I to get ourselves back to the garden." larger audiences because they are well­ didn't understand. If anybody can Buy the album, even it it's just for made, powerful little messages which explain or translate this film into that. must be heard. Movies in the new anything meaningful; I will gladly -Nick Smith tradition attempt to garner the largest retract everything nasty. But even so I possible audience by appealing to the don't think the translation would be MUSIC-LIVE least common denominator. They cater worthwhile. Charles Lloyd's concert at Beckman to everybody's primal urges; they -David N. Dobrin last Friday night was something less titillate and pander unabashedly. Sex than expected. It seemed more like a and violence, lust and greed are not RECORDS private jam session than a concert. In merely the staples of these movies, LADIES OF THE CANYON, Joni my opinion the thing that makes they are the purpose, the raison Mitchell, Warner-Reprise RS6876. concerts worth attending is the inter­ d'etre, the be-all and end-all. These Joni Mitchell, like Leonard Cohen action between the performer and the movies are obscene by the definition and Gordon Lightfoot, is a Canadian audience. This form of communication of the Supreme Court; since they have songwriter and singer who has become was not at all present at BecJ.cman. no redeeming social values. The popular only recently, although her Another thing was a lack of existence of basic appeal techniques in work, like theirs, has been done by communication between the perfor­ these films is not surprising/The crass others for some time. "Ladies of the mers themselves. They tended to play and intensity, the sheet weight of the Canyon" is her third album, and as individuals rather than as a group. shit, give the offense. contains songs written from Even the most hard core Charles Lloyd The first cadres of the movement 1966-1969. Joni Mitchell wrote all of fans must admit that three drum solos have created three products which if the material, arranged it, sang it, and were just a bit too much. The whole taken in aggregate, bode ill for the drew the album jacket design, just as thing became very abstract and inco­ youth movies in fact for all movies I on her other two albums. The only herent at times and I think it was due saw these three in one week. They are difference is the sound. to this lack of feeling that the The Last Grenade, The Five-Man This album is one that any true musicians had for one another. Perhaps Army, and of course The Adventurers. Joni Mitchell fan will want, and it is he has acquired some new artists that an excellent album, but somehow it is haven't had quite enough time to Of course most films do not live up disappointing. The album seems to be acquaint themselves entirely with Mr. to the highest aspirations of their an attempt to fulfill several purposes, Lloyd's very unique and individual genre. Two such are Ihe Five-Man including filling in the gaps left by style. Army and The Last Grenade. The best Joni Mitchell's other albums. It also is In general I got the feeling that he first. •a showcase for the Joni Mitchell didn't really care about the audience. I The Five-Man Army stars Peter version of the song, "Woodstock," feel'I could have listened to one of his Graves of Mission Impossible and the which received so much radio play in records and gotten more out of it. resemblance to that sterling television THE CALIFORNIA TECH - Thursday, June 4, 1970 - Page Six

show does not stop there; indeed it used that fireworks scene from From never stops. The Five-Man Army is an Here to Eternity, I was sick. The overlong, mediocre Mission Impossible cynicism which motivated the creation HI LIFE set in another country, Mexico and of this film is astounding in its 1758 E. Colorado another time, 1912. The promise of an intensity. The makers of this film feel 4.49·9705 impressive and unusual beginning perhaps rightly that many people will qUickly dies as the film settles into the shell out three bucks for a movie Best bottoml.. .nt.rt.inm.nt In Mission Impossible pattern-seemingly remarkable only for the biggest Pased.n•. impossible and brilliant plan successful­ collection of S & V ever. I saw it for Admittanc•. r.strict.d to those 21 y.ars of .ge. ly executed by a hand picked team led free. I got took. by an imperturbable captain who saves the day when all the careful planning The $1.00 door charge will be waived and split-second timing appear to go upon presentation of a CIT under· for naught. Yerggh. Cut one scene and graduate or gradueta student 10. you could put it on TV, but it would get lousy ratings. All the perfect communications, impossibly thorough Continuous shows 12 noon to 2 'I.m. knowledge of the enemy, easy trans­ Lunch Shows 12:00·3:00. portation and so on and so on of Monday night all-strip bottomless Mission Impossible are blithely thrust contest, 9 p.m. upon the viewer and are even less palatable in 1912 than they were in Now featuring: 1970. Now to The Last Grenade. This is a pan. Rindy M6rtin The most important instance of the new trend toward well-done junk is ALSO The Adventurers, a film remarkable for NEW! its obnoxiousness. Harold Robbins may DARINGI claim the plot and the style; blame for EXCITINGI the painstaking execution of the DANCE Harold Robbins method must be laid elsewhere. It is lush, colorful, lurid, specific and offensive. Dax is a typical Kiffen Harold Robbins hero, an almost anonymous paragon of success in a & world of high finance and high sex. He is the focal point for the vicarious I(t/I// thrills of millions of hide bound Americans who would throw off the Performing a psychedelic shackles of morality and decency if love dance - done they only could. Dax sacrifices his beautifully. in the nude morals for whatever but retrieves his 4 shows weekly honor in an orgy of expiatory glory $2.00 cover charge and dies. The movie chronicles his (waived on presentation entire life; hence it is drawn out and of CIT student 10) disconnected. A number of people left 2 drink minimum at intermission convinced that the Call for reservations movie had ended, but most left because they couldn't take any more abuse of their sensibilities. Dax is a faceless excuse for a stultifying (boy, I've been waiting to use that word) procession of Sex and Viole.nce. It gets at the ICE HOUSE boring. Monotonous sex is broken up PASADENA by monotonous violence. One could 24 N. Mentor JUNE 2-7 Reservations Phone vary the scenes by at least introdUcing Belland & Somerville MU 1-9942 new camera angles (the new permissive­ John Randolph Marr ness in films should at least be used), FOLK MUSIC Massive Ferguson but no we've seen everything before in and COMEDY JUNE 9-14 The Dillards other flicks done better. When they John Moore Carol Kristy THE CALIFORNIA TECH - Thursday, June 4, 1970 Page Seven xls-A~uaM~ aBed v86 ~ 'v ~ Jaqwa~das ~allIJ 9N1880l::JHl. ~o4 a4~ ATTENTION" INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS Call MARTIN LEWIN TRANSCARGO; .INC.." NOW OPEN! 2240 N. Figueroa"St. DAILY ~ ..._fJ OF THE AGE 0,.. Las Angeles, Calif. 90065 . Fileecia's Pizza ~.,...vo "'Il~'\ &Restaurant TICKETS NOW Specializes in . 11 A.M.-12 Midnight Mon.-Thv... AT BOX OFFICE Overseas baggage shipping Fri. & SOl. unlil 3 A.M. Sundoy I P.M.-12 Midnight STUDENT TICKETS and COmmercial shipping. $3.50 on sale hall hour hefore curtain for 1109 E. Colorado 81. all performances. (subject to availability) Air-Ocean-Truck 1.0 R,quired 793-6187 AQUARIUS THEATER Serving students for over 10 years. 6230 Sun,._ Blvd. Tel. 225-2347. 10% off on food to all persons Hollywood, Colif, 90021 submitting this ad. The California Tech Classified Ads

HELP WANTED TRAVEL REAL ESTATE

F:1EE LANCE WORK HELP! We have too many girls! HOUSE FOR LEASE-Unfurnished Translators in all languages, inclu­ EUROPEAN SAFARI Large 3-bedroom house in Arcadia. ding African, needed to translate Not a tour. 14 countries, 70 days, excellent for visiting professor and highly technical and scientific ma­ lodging and transportation. Stopping family. Den, dining room, living terial in several fields. Work may be at major cities and small villages. room, playroom, sundeck and patio, done at home in free time. Only See the running of the bulls, Greek large fenced yard, two blocks to individuals with scientifiC training wine fest, etc. Only $450. For info school. Available June 1, $295 per considered. Send resume to call 746-3677 or 747-2254. month. 446-4144. SCITRAN, Box 5456, Santa Bar­ SPANISH! OPEN 2-5 bara, California 93103. EUROPE-ISRAEL Travel Discounts A unique Mexican ranch house, 4 available to holders of international bdrm., 2 bath, separate dining rm., student 1.0. cards. For info. reo den, Ig. family kitchen. Don't just FOR SALE garding travel discounts and pur­ drive by, the charm is on the inside. chase of card, contact: International 2517 Page Drive (6 blks. E. of Lake, Student Club of America, 11687 FOR SALE: Sony STR·6050 recei­ S. from Altadena Drive.) $37,950 San Vincente Blvd., Suite No.4, submit, by owner. 797-8222. ver, Dyna Preamp, Dyna Stereo-70 Los Angeles, Cal. 90049. Tele­ amp, Dyna FM tuner; B & W phone: 213-826-5669. REDUCED FOR SALE - $29,500 Motorcycle. Call 795-0578 between Upper Hastings, 1800 sq. ft., 3 bed­ 12 a.m. and 12 p.m. rooms, 2 baths, slate entry, paneled SERVICES 19 x 16 family room, 2 fireplaces, '69 GTO, 9000 miles, engine 400, plus bonus playroom; move-in con­ ram air, tape deck, stick shift, YASUKO'S DRESS MAKING dition, many extras. Call to see: $2,875.793-7679. Alt. and Tailoring, expo Japanese. 351-0539. 793-2476. MOUNTAIN & VALLEY VIEW MONEY NEE.DED. Garrard turn­ TYPING, term papers, technical 2 bedrooms, large lot, close to table, AM-FM stereo receiver, 2 reports, correspondence and resumes walnut speakers, headphones. All church and shopping, Sierra Madre. typed in my home. IBM Executive $16,950. Ydren Realty. 355-3482. $95-still guaranteed. 870-8059. Typewriter. Patricia Clabaugh, 792-1641. MUST SELL. Y, PRICE. Fisher You, too, can take out ads in stereo 90 watt AM-FM receiver, 2 TYPING SERVICE: papers or theses, the California Tech!!!!! $1.50 large speakers, Miracord record also 5lt Xerox & offset printing. per inch plus 20e per extra line changer. All $325, separate or offer. Open .8-9 weekdays, 8-5 Fri. & for Classifieds. Bring ad copy Ampex pro tape deck $125. Sat. University Press. Phone to the Tech office, or phone 837-9355. 223-1189. Caltech ext. 2154. O. K.? TW3 THE CALIFORNIA TECH - Thursday, June 4, 1970 - Page Eight Continued from Page Three

IN ALL, IN ALL In all (for the third time), it was a NOW THRU JUNE 7 busy year, a challenging year, and a changing year. Next year, Caltech will become co-educational at the under­ MIKE NESMITH graduate level. We can only expect AND THE FIRST NATIONAL BAND change and callenge to continue. COMING NEXT .' THEODORE BIKEL IIIIIIIIII8iJ~i..~ ··•••••••••••••·•••••••••••·•••••·•• 1I1.~1.1I4~ ...... :r*~ .Iiioiioiiio...... _

Imported English BREWS & ALES

Daris & Dominoes !'or Your Pieaslire TOURNAM::NTS P~iZES

Mon.• Thurs. 11 :30·9 PM - 511n, 4. '1 P.M. Thurs.• Fri.• Sat. 11 :30 • Midni9ht 214-A South Lake Ave., Pasadena (On Shoppers Lane - Directly behind Hamburger Hamlet) Visit Our Other Locations: ~40 Broxton. Westwood Villallc 255 Wilshil'e Blvd.• Sant(\ Monica ------:.-796-6171------

04MMOU>inoAAqsu!>iPoqppolla!UOuepAqsu!>ipoqppolla!uOuepAqsU!>iPoqppolla!UOuepAqsu!>ipoqppOII!auOuepAqsu!>ipoqPPOII!auouepAqsu!>iPoqppo

9Z a6ed - P86l 'Pl Jaqwa:J,das - :J,al\!J E>N1880HH.l :J,0l\ al\:J,

You, too, can direct men, machines, and buildings. You, too, can build for lifetimes to come. You, too, can be a part of all this. Join The Big Beautiful World ofB &G

WE NEED: Learn 7 a.m. rake tuning, humming along with electric carts, blowing the pipes. Learn how to program a 360175 to flush all heads on Physi~s campus simultaneously. Learn how to create and maintain the famous B & G hot Biologists & cold running lights. Become rich overnight by billing 6.9 times cost plus labor. Rapists Learn how to convert Con Ed to AC-DC. Learn how to build a 20-mile cube of Krell concentrate. Chemists Learn how to interrupt services for maximum effect. Hypnotize 200 frosh to do your will by high-frequency Engineers sound waves in their first physics lecture, or 100 in any subsequent lecture. E. E.'s Spray tree spray into the student houses. Surprise people by switching Booth to 220V DC one night. Chem. E.'s Learn how to deliver supplies 3 weeks late. Stript E.'s Learn how to fill a student house with water. Env. E.'s

OurChieJ Our motto: "We do our work slowly and .carelessly."

Paid for by the Committee to Recall L. T. Stupor.

_.a. the hot THROBBING rivet thursty. september 15, 1984 page the third

Unlike B&G, we have an infinite supply of Built with the remains of an inferior B&G ramp for forms. materials. You might say we have lumber to burn.

In 4 Bind? Need Competent Work Done Fast?

THE ~ PAGE HOUSE" IBITE HDRSE &RAILRDAD COMPANY, Inc.

Emergency, unusual-type jobs have long been a Page House specialty. Tile (;()()(/will of Our CusffJl11ers Is Our Most Prized Possession

Page House-owned vehicle departs for rush job off-campus. Our founder and guiding light. We offer minimal travel charges, unlike the competition. TIlE HOT THROBBING RIVET

Table of Nonsense...

THE JESTER CONTINUES HIS QUEST-current events DAVID MILLER 6 COMPUTER APPLICATIONS IN LINGUISTIC ANALYSIS PAUL A. LEVIN 8 INDUCED PSYCHOPATHOLOGY IN TECHERS GENE L' ABBOT 11 TECH-TOCK MISS TUESDAY NIGHT AWARDS-pictorial...... 16 VOYEURISM TAKES ON A NEW DIMENSION-art...... 18 IMMACULATE HEART TRANSPLANT FAILS-medicine BEECH BY GUM 20 THfcT ~tW'H. RETURN TO CELIBACY-religion ETAOIN SHROEDLU 22 COUGH PLEASE I-quackery EDWARD SCHROEDER 23 ,",,088n' t ! ! STRAIGHT NEWS-humor WHO CARES 26

Up Putney Swope

PHOTO CREDITS Cover-Ira Moskatel; Page Two-Dashiel, Fisher, History; Page Three-Paul Levin (u,r.l, History; Pages Eleven thru Thirteen-courtesy of Engineering & Science; Pages Sixteen and Seventeen-Floyd Clark, Ira Moskatel, Phil Neches, Bean, Fisher by Levin, History. Lay­ out by Nick Smith; Page Twenty-one-U.S. Marines. Cartoons by Terry O:Neil.

UNCOVER OUR COVER! Camtran's Last Lady is given a tour of Levin, Neches the campus but George Rand discovers Mandelbaum, & Moskatel, Inc Greasy Avenue, Pasadena 91109 a bit of geography he never noticed befo/e... ~ ~

THE HOT THROBBING RIVET

Funday, September 15, 1984 Makes the going great. •• Volume LXIX Number 69

Published sporadically (thank Godl by the Amalgamated Studs of the Camelot Institution of Trancendentalism. The opin­ CONTINENTAL ions expressed in all articles herein are ridiculous. Copywrong 1984 by Hal, Dial-a-Prayer, AIRLINES and Co. Any similarity between any character we depict and any real person, living or dead, is probably grounds for libel.

Editors-in-Chef's-CI othing Jospeh E. Levine Ira-the-Louse Philth Necheese Sprots Editors ...... Poorard Long Brussel Sports Features Editor .. Nickalouse Von Schmidt 7~ Porno Editor Permafish Entertainment Editor David Dobrinski

Staph Cool Hand Geller, Henry James, Ursula Major, B.ob Nogo, Paul Masson and his Vineyards, Raving Milhous, R. Daniell Olivaw, Etaoin ••• The Proud Bird With The Broken Tail Schroedlu, Marksetgo Smith, Ghoti Webfoot, Tricky Dick Strepthroat, Dick Wrong, B.S., Mason Dixon, Jacky of Clubs, BWB 98628, Ace Ledheron, Elloit Ness, Emdash Gerrymander, Millikan Troll, Tom Matoivay, Rindy Martin, Noway Nohow,Alex Sitter.

Pornographers Jelly Bean, Johann Sebastian Belch, Hundred Yard Dash­ itall, Angry Ctein.

Giving Us the Business Marvbaum Mandelmavin Circulation Mangir Metin Manager John Stokes

The Hot Throbbing Rivet Offices: any B&G go-cart. Misrepresented nationally by Nobody Ever Advertises Service, Ink. Sumdged by New-Strip Service, Beautiful­ Downtown-Burbank, Nutley, New Jersey. No class postage unpaid at Smogdena, Californicator. Subscriptions are a joke anyway. the hot THROBBING rivet - September 14, 1984 - page six

Millerstone Around Our Necks The Jester Continues His Quest

As the Jester seemed to be an gadget which looked like a dragon, and enough, explaining how the Reynolds American, a number of the agencies of also like the head of Chairman Mao. number describes whether the flow will the American Government took an An aluminum keg was then rolled be laminar or turbulent, but then the interest in his activities. The FCC was under the teeth and as they bit down, lecturer introduced a function or upset by the airplane broadcasts, the and beer and chunks of aluminum transformation (it wasn't clear which) FBI figured that he must have crossed erupted, a graph appeared which called the Schnurburzammian which state lines for his nefarious deeds, the showed the raw data and compensation had "helical symmetry," and explained IRS wanted to tax his apparently factors for the presence of the keg and that the problem of turbulent flow unlimited income, and the CIA wanted the destruction of the equipment. could be solved if the gas were to hire any successful sneak they could This appalling spectacle was fol­ considered a rigid material through find. lowed by another deadpan report which quantized turbulence units cal· Dr. Arthur Crumley, a psychologist, which described an experiment in led "sloshons" propagated according to told the investigators that the Jester which volunteers were required to sit Mushnerdle's Equation. The reason for was some kind of student radical who in front of a cold, wet wind, having this development was to explain why a had gone off the deep end: "So far he been drenched in water first, and their white tornado forms when you open a has hijacked a plane and gone to cut resistance to these drafts was consi­ bottle of Ajax Cleaner. The lecturer sugar cane in Cuba. You can now dered as inversely proportional to the ended by generating such a tornado. expect that he will do something like .severity of the colds they caught. When the tornado stopped spinning aiding draft resisters, visiting North Finally, there was a cryptic lecture it was a figure in a jeweled uniform Vietnam, or perhaps some kind of on fluid mechanics which explained vaguely reminiscent of Dan Rowan's revolutionary theatre." So, a number the amount of resistance which a wind General Bull Right costume, and it had of things happened, including the would encounter in coming through shoulder- length red hair. In a voice appearance of a CIA man in New passages of various sizes and shapes: somewhat like that of Tiny Tim it said York, where the National Draft the lecture started off reasonably 'Td like to thank all the dear sweet Counseling Council was taping an hour-long c(')mmercial on draft resist­ ance, which had been paid for by the network, as they were required to do to provide equal time to people who opposed the Army and Marine Corps commercials. It thus came as a considerable shock to the CIA, and other people, when the program on draft resistance started with a deadpan account of the electrical properties of certain beers. Actually, not all of them were draft beers. Then the white-coated research­ er, who looked quite a lot like a dedicated man who would spend days brushing different types of toothpaste on his teeth to see which whitened best, explained that they were pleased to be able to present this short report on work which was being done on this subject in Red China. A badly focused, flickery picture then appeared with a Chinese soundtrack which was overlaid by a voice which said, "A four-point resistivity measurement will be de­ monstrated." The picture showed that the four points were the teeth of a the hot throbbing rivet September 14, 1984 Page Seven

may some day expect such things as confetti warheads on North Vietnam­ ese antiaircraft missiles to wish you a happy 18th of August. On the day my robot flew, there wasn't a single riot in Europe or North America. That's either incredible luck for these days, or my antics have some effect. Please tell the kitchen staff I'm sorry about the dozen cans of baked beans, but I had to get in somehow. They're just hidden, not destroyed." It was signed, the Jester. The President doesn't seem to have given the word, for the next night Walter Cronkite was pre-empted for a I short announcement from Leonid ,I Brezhnev that, "We have dug up Stalin again, . and put him back in Lenin's I Tomb. This is the eighth change in seventeen years. He is a real busy­ body." \ In fact, Mr. Nixon liked that one very much, but he found it harder to \ appreciate the joke on the Strategic Air Command. Late in the fall of '71 "Hey, Crawford! There's an eggplant in my sundae!" SAC pilots who were accustomed to hearing only terse commands on their men in the Pentagon who made this actions. Shortly thereafter a note radios suddenly found their ears program possible, and dedicate this appeared on his desk in the house at assaulted by an organ arpeggio, then song to them." Then it hoisted a steel San Clemente. It said, "I don't really grinding guitar effects, and the voice of guitar (a real triumph of sheet-metal know why I'm doing this; read The Doug Ingle groaning, "In-a-gadda­ work, with sequined rivets, even) and City and the Stars or "Repent, da-vida, honey, don'tcha know that sand "OoOoOoOoOoOoh, Tiptoe/ Harlequin! Said the Ticktockman," if I'm loving you?" It wasn't hard to find Through the rice fields/ Through the you want to know where I got the the source of the signal. It was, in fact, quagmires/ Up the mountain slopes,! idea. It seems a unique way of a gigantic iron butterfly (wingspread Come tiptoe through Vietnam with combatting the polarization that seems about 1700 feet) which was actually a mel .. ,/ Knee-ee deeep in mud we'll to be setting in. I shake up some of balloon, made of aluminized Mylar, stra-ay; We'll need a shower today/ the people who think they have the floating in the icy air of northern And if I shoot you/ With a mortar/ absolute answer to things, but in a way Canada, blanketing a BMEWS radome. With a rocket/ Will you pardon mel that doesn't put them on guard. When the planes got close enough, the And tiptoe through Vietnam/ With Anyhow, you have only to give the tune changed to "Light My Fire" and meeee?" Then it ate a candy bar, word, and I will give myself up, since the balloon was filled with stepped back into a pool of light although I think I have so far done less hydrogen, that is exactly what the first rather like Jimmy Durante does in damage than any minor Mafia chief tracer bullet did. ending his show, patted its stomach does in a given day, and I shall try to (this is the last installment of the and said "And good night, General be careful in the future. Jester, just in case you were wondering Hershey, wherever you are." Then a Please, whatever I do, tell the FBI how long it would drag on) cap and bells appeared on the screen to layoff the millions of people who above the words "Produced by Ding­ do electronics work for pleasure or a Feeling a-ling Productions." living. The FBI is not likely to find me A lot of people were upset by this this way, and this constant snooping little telecast, and more government bothers a lot of people. I support this agencies started making discreet in­ foolishness largely from TV game-show HORNY? quiries. Thus in the summer of 1971 winnings (I was the champion hog President Nixon was reported by caller on "Let's Make a Deal) so tell CALL Ext. 2154 reliable sources to be wondering why them to look for me there, if look the Jester had undertaken his strange they must. If I remain at large, you S<:IENTIFIC April 1, 1970 AMERICAN

Computer Applications in Linguistic Analysis

The use of a contextual text analyser is demonstrated through the analysis of one of Mr. Nixon's speeches. by Paul A. Levin

ince the early fifties the computer connected to the computer, while of the English language would be of a S has become a powerful tool for console time is currently costing $4.50 similar high quality. Perhaps by the analysis of language. Although it per hour. Most of the time one must studying his well-known (but not-so­ has not become the magic box that compete for vacant consoles with well-understood) style one could gain will solve all of the problems facing several dozen computer-crazy freshmen valuable insight as to how the English linguists today, it has proved quite (who are currently playing "Risk" on language should be used. helpful in specific instances. it) or numerical algebra students using "Cooperation" seems to be the key At the California Institute of a computational language on the same word of his address. It was used Technology, for example, a small but 350/50. However, when these monsters directly or implied almost forty times dedicated group of linguists have been succeed in using their language without during the course of a forty-minute concentrating on both the applications shutting down the system (infinite "do speech. Although the word itself is of linguistics to computer program­ loops," 2+2=3, or some such non­ used only two times, its meaning is so ming, notably in conversational lan­ sense), it is slowly if not painfully clear in one instance that it is without guages such as REL English, and the possible to wrench some useful data a doubt the key word, a word worth applications of the computer to text from the machine. studying in some detail. analysis. While a phrase interpretation Webster's Dictionary would have (PARSER) system is not currently t the time this project was being one believe that cooperation is indeed operational, a contextual text analyzer A done the computational language noble, a positive good (except on (CTA) has been running for a year. (CITRAN) was having so much certain examinations), and something CTA, which operates on a campus­ trouble-shutdowns at an average rate reasonable to do. wide (i.e. small) conversational time­ of two per hour- that it was deemed sharing system, was developed by a advisable not to use the system. Not co op er ate /ko ap e ratl vi [LL Caltech undergraduate, Dick Rubin­ only was it scrambling people's pro­ cooperatus pp of cooperari, fr. L co+ stein, as his project for a linguistics grams, but it deleted them every time operari to work] 1:to act Or work course. With this system one can study it shut down! Fortunately, CTA was so with another or others 2: to asso­ the frequency of specified words, simple to simulate by hand that this ciate with another or others for phrases, or gramatical forms. Not only measure was adopted. Not only did mutual, often economic, benefit. can these occurances be counted, but this speed matters considerably, but it they can also be listed in their proper allowed greater flexibility. Under the context. Because CTA is conversa­ simulation process it was possible to While most people mean something tional, the operator can easily pursue check the frequencies and contexts of similar to this when they use the word, any pattern he may chance upon and words and their synonyms. Mr. Nixon really missed the mark on terminate immediately any search For this article I used as an example at least one occasion during his speech. which begins to prove fruitless. the State of the Union address which In spite of these features, the President Nixon delivered on January processes are not at all fast. Among 22, 1970. Since he has been chosen t seems that it is vital for Congress other difficulties, all texts must be one of the ten best-dressed men in the I to cooperate with him. While this is entered from a typewriter console U.S., it seemed reasonable that his use never stated outright, it is easy to infer

8 that Congress has botched things require Congress' cooperation, too, but Mr. Nixon did not confine his horribly. Congress has been somewhat hesitant. concept of cooperation to the home The decade of the 60's was also Last year this administration sent front either; the whole world can a period of great growth econo­ to the Congress 13 separate pieces cooperate! mically. But in that same 10-year of legislation dealing with organized We shall be faithful to our treaty period we witnessed the greatest crime, pornography, street crime, commitments, but we shall reduce growth in crime, the greatest narcotics, and crime in the District our presence and involvement in increase in inflation, and the of Columbia. other nations' affairs. greatest social unrest in America in None of these bills have reached To insist that other nations play 100 years. Never has a nation my desk for signature. a role is not a retreat from seemed to have had more and I am confident that the Congress responsibility but a sharing of enjoyed it less. will act now to adopt the legislation responsibility. At heart, the issue is the I placed before you last year. We in The result of this new policy has effectiveness of government. the executive have done everything been not to weaken our alliances, We have heard a great deal of we can under existing law, but new but to give them new life, new overblown rhetoric during the 60's and stronger weapons are needed in strength, and a new sense of in which the word "war" has this fight. common purpose. perhaps too often been used-the Then, too; Congress hasn't seen Relations with our European war on poverty, the war on misery, everything yet. allies are once again strong and the war on disease, the war on A major part of the substance healthy, based on mutual consul­ hunger. If there is one area where for an unprecedented advance in tation and mutual responsibility. the word "war" is appropriate it is this nation's approach to its pro­ We have initiated a new approach in the fight against crime. We must blems and opportunities is con­ to the nations of Latin America, in declare and win the war against the tained in more than two-score which we deal with them as criminal elements which increasingly legislative proposals which I sent to partners rather than as patrons. threaten our cities, our homes, and the Congress last year and which The new partnership concept has our lives. still await enactment. been welcomed in Asia. We have ... The price tag on pollution is I will offer at least a dozen more developed an historic new basis for high. Thru our years of past major programs in the course of this Japanese-American friendship and carelessness we incurred a debt to session. cooperation, which is the linchpin nature, and now that debt is being Again, this business of cooperation has for peace in the Pacific. called. been turned into a one-sided affair, i.e. Obviously this speech was delivered But Mr. Nixon is a forgiving soul, and do what I tell you to do. before French President Pompidou he who believes and is obedient shall be saved-and possibly be supported 104 for reelection. All one need do is cooperate with the prophet. In the decade of the 60's the 3 federal government spent 57 billion 10 dollars more than it took in in taxes. I n that same decade the a: ::J American people paid the bill for 0 ::c that deficit in price increases which a: w 1O'r raised the cost of living for the c.. average family of four by $200 per (f) 1 w 10 month. 0 Only with the cooperation of the U ::J Congress can we meet this highest (f) priority objective of reasonable 10° II, "' 'l"'~ government. ... We had a balanced budget in 2/8 2/22 3/1 3/8 1969. 1/25 2/1 2/15 3/15 How wonderful it is to be out of DATE office when everything goes wrong! Also how wonderful it is to do "Suicides ofCITRAN, " as they were affectionately called, became so frequent by the everything correctly once one is in middle of March that it was doubtful that one could even log onto the system office.(?) without being terminated. Data collection halted with the end ofthe term, at which There are other matters that will time the projects were past due, and the accounts were invalid anyway.

9 Congress and the War the hot THROBBING rivet september 14, 1984 page ten Since the day American troops entered Cambodia, people in the United States have turned to Congress to end the war in visited this country. The speech also c assumed that Okinawa would eventual­ Southeast Asia. ly be turned over to Japan. Latin In the weeks ahead we must insure that the America raises its own questions: Who z coming elections will create a Congress is "them," and do we really want to that will be committed to peace, the with· support "them?" Our mutual respon­ drawal ofAmerican military presence from » Indo China and the prevention of other sibility in Europe is somewhat peculiar; Viet Nams. we are asking Germany to take ." responsibility for its own defense but The Universities' National Anti-War Fund reserving to OurSelves the sole right to is committed to these goals. decide when to "push the button." Recent developments in Laos also We ask every faculty and staffmember of every college and university in the United make one wonder. It seems that in States to pledge a minimum of one day's foreign affairs "cooperation" means salary to the Fund. "getting out," "staying in," "leaving' them alone," or "going in." The millions of dollars raised will: hough Mr. Nixon was asking for Provide support on a non-partisan basis to cooperation through most of his 1 candidates for the House and Senate whose T election is critical to the cause of peace. address, he at times wanted something (Your support may be earmarked for a much stronger than cooperation-unity. candidate of your choice or given to a This is incredible when one considers common fund administered by a National that the President's party controls Board.) neither house of Congress. A major part of the credit for Buy television time, newspaper advertising 2 space and other publicity for the election this development goes to the of peace candidates. members of this Congress who, despite their differences on the Send representatives of the university conduct of the war, have over­ 3 community to Washington to lobby the whelmingly indicated their support Congress or to any part of the country to of a just peace. assist in critical local campaigns. . ..That chance will be enor­ mously increased if we continue to UNAF is a member of the National Coalition for a Responsible Congress. have a relationship between Con­ gress and the executive in which, Partia/list ofspo/lSors: despite differences in detail, where

ll. D.Aikell J.K. Galhraith Hollis F. Price the security of America and the Roger Atbrittoll 8mttey Gtass Dadd Riesman Father Coleman Barry Nathai, Glazer ,tUa1l Rohinson peace of mankind are concerned, we t'dward J. Blausteill A.D. lIershel' Henry Rosol'sky act not as Republicans or Demo­ Felix Btoeh HudSON Hmiglund Bnll10 Rossi KOllrad Btoeh H. Stuart HUKlzes .Alhert Sack!!' crats-but as Americans. Howard R. Bowen Roman Jakoh.\'oll Frallz Sdzurmann Ha"'ey Brooks VermJfl Jordon }o.'1e Luis Serf Restoring nature to its original Jerome S. Bnlller Gyorgy Kepes RavmOfld SicJ'er Bernard Budiallsky Leoll Kirchner As'cha Shapiro state is a cause beyond party and Mary BUllring John K,,(}wle~' Walter H. Stockmaver beyond factions. It has become a Owen Chamherlain Joshua Lederberg Alhert S:ent-Gvorg; lule Charm'\' Daniel S. Lehrman Lionel Trilling' common cause of all of the people A bram Clzaj:e~' Harry T. Levin Athert D. Ultman Rohert Gote Cl'nts Le.'in/hal Harold C. Ure)" of America. Hel1rl' Steele Commager Hans Linde George Wald . If the Democrats were hoping to use t'dward COlldoll Franklin Long James D. Warson Carl Djerassi Edward Lowinsky Victor F. h'eisskop[ the environment issue against the Johll 7: t'dsalt Salvador E. Luria Jacqueline Grennan Jvexler Howard hi. En111UJ1lS Lewis iWumford Jerome Wiesner Republicans in this year's elections, Erik Erikson ,..Uartin Peretz Herbert York Bernard Feld Frank Press they certainly "had the rug pulled out from under them." As Senator Daniel I enclose $ to the Universities' National Anti-War Fund Inouye (D., Hawaii) so aptly put it, "It was the most partisan nonpartisan I also pledge a future donation of 5 . speech that I have ever heard for a long time." I am willing to help work for the Fund on my campus at Not only does Mr. Nixon attempt to tell his loyal opposition what to do, but he knows that they will more or (Name) less do his bidding; they have to! As (Address) _ Jude Wanniski put it, "No matter how Continued on Page Twenty-four Ectoplasm and Seance April, 1970 Published bV the Alumni of the Camelot Institutll of Transcendental iam.

Induced Psychopathology in Techers ...

by Dr. Gene L. Abbot

We ore trying to produce psycho­ was that after a few weeks agression progressively pothological syndromes as analogous developed. When the Teehers were discouraged from to normal student disorders as possible. throwing each other into numerous showers, these From that base may come techniques Techers turned against their studies. They were seen for rehabilltation of depression. ripping test booklets to shreds and burning class notes.

Some 1.5 years ago the staff at the California Institute of Technology instituted a research program designed to induce psychopathy in freshman Techers by means of abusive courses and examinations. The program was largely successful, however some students still made it through the program and actually enjoyed it! Seeing this, we thought we had totally failed to produce psychiatric syndromes in Techers. Then. Ion Seeker. an Australian psychiatrist, visited the Institute. listened to our sorrows. and took a tour of the "Student Houses." After observing the students busily studying, he asked. "Why are you trying to produce psychopathology in Teehers? You already have more psychopathologle~1 students than I have ever seen on the face of the earth." We call the housing situation where Seeker observed normal Techers "partial social isolation." Here, Techers live alone or in pairs in concrete looms where they can see and hear the real world, but cannot physically interact with it. Our Techers had lived in this situation for most of their academic lives. and their personal-social behavior had progressively deteriorated. These Techers had been denied both ignorance and agemate relations. When our Teehers were maintained in partial social isolation for several terms. some of them developed what we cali the catatonic stare: they sat in front of their desks staring into their physics texts. paying no attention to other Teehers or the real world. Often the Teeher would absently whistle a few bars of some Wagnerian opera. When he realized what he was whistling, he would jump. He would be scared When a Techer is reared in partial social isolation self to death of this awesome spectre he had raised. destructive behavior may be his only way to espress Another interesting result of partial social isolation agression. This Tecller is actually breaking his slide rule to pieces, possibly under conditions of unusual stress. "'The unwitting (and invaluable) assistance of Harry F. Harlow and Stephen J. Soumi (April 1970 E&S) is appreciated greatly. 11 Self-agressing Techers do not normally rip and rend of them died of emotional shock, self-induced their books apart, but under conditions of unusual anorexia (loss of apetite). But if they survived the stress some of these Techers would rip their books and shock-and most of them did-a peculiar phenomenon notes to scrap. was observed. Their total personality structure altered and they gave up hiding in their rooms. If the outside There is a technique to raise nearly normal Techers college students were brought into the Institute, in partial social isolation-by providing them with however, they rapidly began 'acting like average synthetic reality. In our original studies on the surrogate Techers, and the psychopathology perpetuated itsePf reality we saw and were not suprised that the Techers rapidly. would cling 23 hours a day to these objects. What did surprise us was that these inanimate objects imparted Buoyed by these results, we have continued to search a sense of security. for techniques to produce depression. Our criteria for Knowing that Techers liked reality, we thought many operationally defining depression are primarily behavioral. years ago that we could produce anaclitic (dependency) We want students, who prior to entering the Institute, depression by allowing freshmen Techers to attach show essentially normal behavior, and, following a few to surrogate realities who could become monsters. years, display very low levels of motor, expiatory, It was fascinating as an idea, but as we have already social, and intellectual activity, very high levels of conceded, the methods were less than totaily successful. passivity, and possibly revulsion at the thought of a The first of these monsters was an engineering hamburger. One reason for producing such a syndrome math which, every ten weeks on schedule, would give is that one cannot do research on the ultimate a high-pressure final exam. These "AM95" exams technical curriculum until a behavioral syndrome has would practically blow the Techers' heads off. What been achieved that is unequivocally "screaming did the Techers do? They simply studied longer and depression" and can be maintained for weeks and months longer, because a scared troll clings to its studies at a time. at all costs. Obviously, one cannot combine physical and We did not give up. We built another surrogate psychological depression and draw proper conclusions monster reality that gave such incredibly long reading concerning curriculum content. Accordingly we have lists that the Techers' tired, bored eyes would constantly devised a device for producing depressive behavior fall shut. The third monster involved long, boring without imposing direct physical discomfort on the lectures with pop quizzes in class. Although the Techers Techer. This device is called a "studnnt house room" were distressed by these traumas, they simply waited or a "pit." Confinement in a pit produces an extremely until after Finals Week to get all of their sleep depressed Techer, and one that remains depressed for and recuperation. many months following removal. The Techers in the pits can move about freely in We then measured the effects of total social all three dimensions, but gradually cease to move at isolntion. When freshman Techers isolated for a year all. After a term or two, or for some a few weeks, the were put with normal college students, pne or two Techers assume either a permanent supine position on a bed: It is a "giving up" posture. Following removal from their chambers, these responses persist. Techish behavior increases enormously after pit housing, and the ability

3-month base­ o line Fa 6-month base­ line t,gafter one year

D~ION L _ '1\rne.~ ,------_._------.,

FROSH PIT UPPERCLASS PIT After a few days---or perhaps a week or two---the Techer in the pit stops studying and assumes to perform normal social tasks is simply wiped out. a "giving up" posture (above). We are now comparing Techers raised under three Even long after removal from different conditions. One group had one term of isolation in the pits. young Techers show the pits; one was in a pit for a year; and the members of a depressed and infantile behavior. third group were raised in the normal boarding-school environment. Simple infantile response. patterns remain very high (Below) for years in those Techers "pitted" for only one term. More complicated social behaviors were simply eradicated in these Techers long after release.

While the immediate goal of our preBent research is to provide reliable, long-lasting depression patterns in Techers analagous to those observed in monkeys diagnosed as depressed, it represents only a first stage of our overall depression project. The next stage is to modify existing housing and curriculum so that the degree of depression exhibited by the Techers subsequently can be controlled. When this is accompl.ished, it will open up vast possibilities for the parametric studies of the optimally boring, frustrating college environment. For instance, it would be possible to determine if Techers of limited social experience are more susceptible to such manipulation than freshmen given unlimited social lives. Perhaps early exposure to stress-inducing curricula inhibits pr exaggerates ),..",: the effect of the depression-stimulating environment. \.1, • To investigate these areas we are using combined living-working .<~ complexes attached to the Institute. A final, and perhaps most important aspect pf our research program involves development of techniques to spread our remarkable syndrome. Possible techniques include envhoonmental, political, or pharmaceutical manipulations, either along or in combination. We are also employing our own group techniques. Remember that if you place a normal college student in total isolation for 6 months, you get a socially damaged mess. When students from other colleges transferred into the Institute research program, they were exhibiting normal social behavior. After about 6 weeks it was verry difficult to distinguish between the transfers and the Techers. It appears that this experiment, which is very near to completion, will disclose highly significant effects for

13 for other colleges to consider. It is essential to realize that the findings of such work hold impli­ ED cen- cations for normal student depression tral only at the levels of analogy within the limits of comparative behavioral 00 A feed- research. Nevertheless. we feel that ing our findings from investigations of depression in Techers will be important ~D tp normal student therapists working 0 area in an area currently devoid of data from controlled research. -DO B GF

C , small-room 1solation cages concrete-block housing Combined living-working cage sections.

T H B

or c~ \ N'N STOO' S\ TAVeRN . L CO'-"1AI.LY• ••INVITI S YOU~

MUS~C .... LOVtRS ~~ 31ii1 SOUTH G ARFIIELC·· PASACENA Y2. e LocI< NORTH OF T HE CIVIC the hot THROBBING rivet - september 14, 1984 - page fifteen Music Not to Watch Girls By

by BARf On math again (remember Garfunkel's major, or was it One often wonders (well, if you don't, I do) what huge Garfinkel's....) [to the tune of "Parsely, Sage, Rosemary changes could have occurred in history if relatively minor and Thyme"] decisions were made (sort of minusoneth order effects). For instance, what if Caltech had decided earlier to specialize in Do you know the following square, one humanity, as well as the sciences, especially if that eight-eight-three-eight-seven-two-nine, humanity had been music. It is true a figurate number, Say the Beatles attended Tech before they embarked on These are just the favorites of mine. their career, one wouldn't be surprised to see some of their best-known songs slightly altered, for example: Of course, other songwriters could have come here, I think that a random sampling of their songs might be On seeing B&G food for the first time [to the tune of something like this: "Something"! Ode to Ay Something in the way it looks Revolts me like no other dinner; When the moon is in the seventh house, Something in the way they cook it­ And Jupiter aligns with Mars, I want to leave so much now, Then the top ofRobinson will open, I'd rather eat raw cow And we will see the stars Dumdumdumdumdumdum This is the dawning of the age ofastronomy, The age ofastronomy On exhorting fellow frosh to attend a not-well-liked c1ass[to the tune of "Come Together"! To Phys 1 or 2 [to the tune of "Whichita Lineman")

Come to Chem Retch, I read my Feynman for the midterm, Right now, but it did me no good, over there After reading it and reading it, It can't be understood. On a major development in physics 2 [to the tune of Maxwell's Silver Hammer"! For Bio [to the tune of "Get Me To The Church On Time"]

Qang clang Maxwell's field equations came down upon I've got a big lab in the morning our heads, I'm crossing asparagus with lime, Qang clang Maxwell s field equations made physicists see Ring my alarm red. .. Do me some harm, But get me out to Church on time! On the ultimate spiritual development a Techer can achieve [to the tune of "Let It Be"} MIX AND MATCH THE CENTER-SPREAD CAPTIONS!!!!! When I find myself in times of trouble Richard Feynman comes to me; Speaking words of wisdom, Q.E.D. "Hu-Ia-Ia!" "This is a DOCTOR!!!" Of course, Simon and Garfunkel could easily have come "Keep on truckin '" here (Garfunkel was a Math Grad student at Columbia). You "HAWAII HORIZONTAL" know, I once knew a guy named Simon Garfunkel! Actually, "Venus de Martin." his name was really Simon Garfinkle, but you get the...wait "I Am Curious (Thinking)" a minute, his first name wasn't Simon, it was Richard, and "Dynamic Duo." his last name wasn't really Garfinkle, it was Nixon, but you "Anchors Aweigh!" get the idea...Anyhow, S&G... "Ann-Margret and wall." "Balanced mince." On math[to the tune of "Homeward Bound"] "Paisley, anyone?" "Slanted thinking." Lower bound, I long to find, "Rob-ery sans skis." A lower bound "Radiance and Hands" Bound, to this God-damned series, "Spot welded?" Bound, I am just so weary. ..

EARS ARE TO BE MEANT ... The Californicator TECH BOXED'

Volume LXIX Hills of Westwood, Brookfield Zoo 1001/1110/11110110010 Number 69

development, Dr. Humpfree snickered students of the available courses and as his colleague answered, "Floyd and the requirements for a major. So here I were visiting... a local entertainment is presented the latest addition to the establishment. ..one night, when in a curriculum. burst of inspiration we turned to each THE SEX DEPARTMENT 3D P.T.'s other and simultaneously proposed Requirements for major ~ SX 1 and applying the fruits of our hologram 2, and 18 units of laboratory by the In a move which took the CIT research to the field of art." sophomore year. In addition the engineering department by surprise, Dr. Humpfree elaborated: "Let me student must take SX 69, 102, and 54 Drs. Floyd Humpfree and Nickleass put it this way--we didn't title the additional units to graduate. A grade George gleefully announced Thursday first film' 'Rindy' for nothing, fella." point average of 2.0 must be main­ at a press conference their plans to He added: "We've had several offers tained within the option to qualify for leave the Institute to form a company from Hollywood producers for the use a degree. of their own, Split-Otter Enterprises, of our techniques, and I am happy to LIST OF COURSES for the manufacture of their recent say that you will be able to view the SXlabc Freshman Sex - 9 units invention, rauRch holograms. first holographic flick, tentatively (3,0,6) Two lectures and one recitatiQn In a locked auditorium they exhibit­ called 'Valley of the Trolls,' in a few per week. Topics to be covered ­ ed samples of their research-- films in months." Difference between male and female, full color and three dimensions featur­ reasons for sexual activities, basic ing a young lady nicknamed 'Miss New Department Planning making out, and an introduction to Boom-Boom,' who was later identified petting. Instructor: Hefner and Staff. as a former Institute employee who Truly Impressive Courses quit her staff position when she SX 2abc Sophomore Sex - 15 units discovered that she could triple her Due to the recent addition of a new (6,0,9) A continuation of the freshman pay in other positions. department to the Caltech curriculum, course with special emphisis on When queried on the origin of their this paper feels it it's duty to inform advanced petting techniques. Other topics to be covered are erogenous zones, frenching, female anatomy. An introduction to intercourse is also given third term to be followed up my more extensive study in the junior year. Instructor: Bardot.

SX 10 Introduction to Sexual Tech­ niques - 6 units (3,0,3) A course for interested freshman taught third term. This course will deal in detail with some of the topics introduced in SX 1. Instructor: Loren.

SX 31. Laboratory - 6 units (0,6,0) Offered first term only. Experimental method is emphasized. The experi­ ments to be performed are the coupled harmonic oscillator with viscose dam· ping, and several experiments in determining rise time. Instructor: Kreski

SX 32, Laboratory - 6 units (0,6,0) Offered second term, a continuation of SX 31. Observational skills are stressed. Experiments to be covered are effec­ Another Scene from Senior Ditch Day tiveness of contraceptive techniques and experiments involving reaction The Californicator Tech June 69, 6969 Page 19 rates. Instructor: Welch O>Hv SUQe; SX 33, Laboratory - 6 units (0.6,0) A "B Ju.., 1:f IJ,.. third term course stressing individual lfOUR development of technique. The student IURA) chooses a project he would like to 1eS'f IN, work on and does independent reo FOJe 'tbU. search on the topic. Instructor: Taylor

Advanced Subjects SX 69 Oral Presentation ~ 9 units (3.0,6) This course gives the student an introduction to oral techniques. Gl'OUp theory and organic structures are discussed as well as demonstrated. Instructor: Lollabrigita SX 102 Basic Intercourse ~ 12 units (3,3.ti) Require« of all sex majors. This course covers all aspects of the sexual act. The lecture part of the course includes demonstrations.· The labor­ atory portion of the course meets once a week and is well equiped to give the staff member. Not available for Blue Cheer. But. contrary to the old student experience in this field. Humanities Social Science credit. ·'It it ain't imported, it ain't" theory. Instructor: Staff thj~ wonder group is a home-town SX 2much Contraceptives and Abor­ product. Yes, the City of Angels, home SX lOS Chemistry of Sex ~ 9 units tions ~ 9 credits (3,3,3) A two term of Smog and Mayor Sam. is also home (3,0,6) An interdisciplinary course course in which the student is given an to the Iron Butterfly. Killda makes offered second term. Topics to be introduction to the methods of you proud, don't it? covered are reaction rates, synthesis of contraception. This course is unique in Side 2 contains the title song. for aphrodisiacs, and bonding effects. that if the student falls the first term 17:05 of pure power. About halfway Instructor: JlIan he is required to take the second term. through, nomad Ron Bushy breaks Instructor: Portnoy into an inspired drum solo, putting SX 112 Physics of Sex ~" 9 units Ginger Baker or Richard Starkly to (3.0,6) A course offered third term for shame. Then in comes Doug Ingle, the those interested in the physics of the Butterfly's leader and chief writer, on act. The course will deal with coupled his organ. Side 1 includes such harmonic oscillation, heating effects, Tile (fill/iI/,weI [flI favorites as that tender love ballad conservation of virginity and other "Flowers and Beads," and "Termi· relevan t topics. The classical approach In-A-Gadda·Da-Vida :Iron Butterfly: nation," written by Erik Brann, the will be used. Instructor: Martin Atco SD 33-250. group's seventeen-year-old lead guitar­ IRON symbolic of something ist. In-A·Gadda-Da- Vida is even heavier SX 165 Orgasmic Theory ~ Designed "heavy" as in sound. than the Iron B's first great album, specifically for majors. The course BUTTERFLY ~ light, appealing and Heavy, if you can possibly believe deals with the biological and psycho­ versatile ... an object that can be that. All connoisseurs of serious logical aspects of the question. Also used freely in the imagination. contemporary rock expressionism will the student will do an intensive study About the only group that receives find this album a "must" for their on his own personal adventure. A close as much entirely undeserved abuse as collection. Buy it. so to speak. professor-student relationship is em­ the Iron Butterfly is the Canadian ~EI.A . phasized. (Permissionof instructor is wonder group, Blue Cheer, who are in ...... ------prerequisite) Instructor: Hari charge of our northern neighbors' Expo- 70 musical exhibit. The LB. has Where Fools Fe. SX 207 Independent Reading "~ A that same clarity of tone and course where the student does indepen· interweaving of musical essence we dent reading under the direction of a have come to expect from groups like To Tread!' The Heart Throbbing Rivet - Tuesday, January 13, 1970 - Page 20 Dr. Black Announces Failure of First Immaculate Heart Transplant

by Beech By Gum case, privately told reporters that with However, informed sources close to Dr. Haroild Black, president of the his team split, it would be weeks before the Institute report that the students Camelot Institute of Transcendentalism, he could operate. The patient, however, were the biggest losers, since they had announced that attempts by scientists at was suffering from terminal building to suffer at a heartless institution. Even the Institute to achieve the world's first contractor's syndrome, and could not an immaculate heart transplant would immaculate heart transplant failed. The wait for the eminent surgeon. have helped. patient lost a significant amount of Subsequently, doctors ordered the time, and has been ordered to rest in patient to rest in Hollywood for a while, bed in Hollywood, and to indefinitely and administered the new miracle drug, delay any plans for moving around to stay of condemnation, to the old Claremont. campus. However, doctors ordered the Dr. Black said that the operation was patient not to go to Claremont because a rush job, and that all of the operating the smog there is, if anything, worse Deano the Dinosore tools could not be found in sufficient than at CamTrans. time. Cynics pointed, however, to the Science Loses Continued from Page Twenty-Two failure of the Pitzer engrafting operation Dr. Black lamented the loss to (This IS the Rivet, you know) years previous, saying that time was not science, and to CamTrans. in a state­ Obviously, such actions could not lacking then. ment to the press. "Sometimes, these come from Techers, who are much Antibodies Feared· things just don't work out," he said. more mature than to adopt any such All hope for the operation was Others reacted more violently. One methods." Miller said that he could reportedly abandoned when the bio­ physician on the staff threatened to quit imagine no reason for such an attack logical engineers stated that tissue in disgust and do consulting work only. being made on him. rejection would occur, producing atrophy iri the rest of the body politic. G)E HAl/a J-CJi~e.... ,~Uqt oF 1liCiIL Harvard, which resulted in hybrid vigor. HIGHEIQ. MA1'HEMATIC.S, AIJ'D The engineers countered with the -mE AJJrf10AJ -rHJJr SENi'TflJS ONE UP MUST theory of religious body- antibody /-lAVE" 'BEEN CALLED ~C.1HE D.E. OF -r.!' annhilation. This too was disputed by many of the physicians, and also by members of the Institute humanitarian society. Transfusion Unavailable Another problem arose in the course of pre-operation diagnosis: the local blood-bank did not appear to have enough for the money-transfusion which would be needed to sustain the transplant while it regenerated build­ ings. Dr. Auditorium, head of the b,lood-bank, pointed to the dangerous fall in the blood pressure of their primary donor, the stock market. Proponents of the operation argued that it would be now or never, that the blood could be found, and that science (ie. CamTrans) would probably never get another opportunity like this. How­ ever, opponents voiced their sentiments equally clamourously. Claims No Choice Dr. Black, the head surgeon in the SENIORS AND GRADS: looking for Employment???

Free room and board Good pay DraJt-Jree working environment World-wide travel opportunities We CfJn IUfJffJnfee you fJ jolJ fOf virtufJlly tile fest fJf YfJUf life.

CALL OR WRITE YOUR LOCAL ARMY RECRUITER. the hot THROBBING riv"t - september 14, 1984 - page twenty-two

was presumed to refer to himself and girls as 'dumb bods,' " said MlIIer, Miller Announces Dr. William P. Schlitz, co-author of the "But I still have hope that the dirty Schlitzy-Schaefer Qual Scheme and old men will carry the day." In recently resigned Associate Dean of conclusion Miller stated that while he Admissions. could understand and sympathize with Return to Celibacy Dr. Miller went on to explain that any student unhappiness at the move, no logistics problems were expected in he anticipated no problems. "Our In a surprise move recently, Dr. the switch back to an all-male students will handle this disappoint­ Peter Montmorency Miller, Dean of undergraduate body. "We will simply ment as maturely and competently as Admissions, announced that the admis· go back to using the seven Student they have handled other di~ap­ sions into the Class of 1974 recently Houses as we have before, and while pointments In the past." offered to about three dozen girls have this will doubtless involve a certain been cancelled. "When it came down amount of hardship for the students to it, and we fully realized what we involved, we can't be expected to solve Admissions Dean were doing to these poor, innocent all the problems at once." giris, we found that we just couldn't Miller said that he had checked this Abducted Monday! do It ,"said Miller at a hastily-called move with Dr. Harold Brown, Institute Caltech was visited with a shocking press conference Monday. "There just President, who is currently in Peta­ occurrence this Monday evening. Dr. Isn't very much more to say. I mean, luma, California, for the most recent Peter Montmorency Miller, Dean of just look around you and think of session of the SALT talks. Brown was Admissions at Caltech, was kidnapped what It would be like for them here. unavailable for comment. and subjected to strange assaults, while We simply decided that even the girls' When asked if this move would on his way home from work. Miller intention to become scientists, when result in the re-opening of the was released basically unharmed, al· everyone knows where a woman's Immaculate Heart College question, though rather more befuddled than place is, wasn't sufficient crime for MUleI' said that this would depend on normal because of the odd experience. them to be subjected to this place for the opinions of the faculty. "Most of "I don't know exactly what hap­ four years." The 'we'DI'. Mlller used our faculty seem to regard tilt' IHC pened," he told reporters who had assembled while Miller explained the matter to DeGaulle Charles, new head IT 15Air THE FiN/u., WeE/( C!.OLLIf'PSE of Campus Security. "I was walking o~~2~,'i{;7He (!~!l1 along the Olive Walk when all of a ¥;f; JIJ'f sudden somebody came up behind me t..en{AL ~ OF CoM=II,-.;..-----, and removed my glasses, rendering me helpless. I was then carried off by at ~ least one person, in what I felt to be an easterly direction. After I was shoved and pushed through a few alleyways and several doorways, it suddenly began to rain very hard, and in just a few seconds I was thoroughly soaked. Then I was taken out of that place, and carried somewhere else, which I later found was the Millikan Pool, and thrown in. I was rescued by a passing professor of English, and after she applied artificial respiration to revive me, we found my glasses at the edge of the pool and I was able to make my way to the Campus Security Office, avoiding the Health Center on the way." Miller said that he had no idea of the identity of his attackers. "All I could hear was an occasional cry of what sounded like,'Up the Girls!' from which I concluded that they were a bunch of pro-feminist rabble-rousers. Continued on Page Twenty !! the hot THROBBING rivet - september 14, 1984 - page twenty-three Ed Schroeder Describes Joys of Draft Physical

by Etaoin Schroedlu little game. It's called 'Follow the for a morale boost. Ed. Note--Our readers will remem--­ Colored Line.' This game is fun, of Then they take your blood pressure ber the recent series of columns we course, although it tends to pall on (has anyone out there figured out what have presented from Mr. Right and Mr. most people after they reach the age that notation means?) and whisk you Lawgun on the draft. Due to the of, say, about six. 1 must admit, off for the real fun: the medical unfortunate recent induction of these though, that having those lines to examination. At the door is a sign gentlemen, they were unable to follow around made things a lot easier, which says 'Medical Examining Station. continue their series, but Mr. Schroed­ yes sir. Let's see, now where did that Absolute Silence Is to Be Maintained.', lu has kindly consented to write this line go? which of course just sends your spirits article, and promises more in the If they haven't changed things, soaring, since you were having such a future. Most of what is said can be you'll get the mental test first. good time laughing at them with the taken as true, if not Gospel. Presumably the rationnale is that it college kid behind you in line. Of Taking a pre-induction physical is might be too much for you if they course, your spirits are soon dashed by fun. Really. I mean, you obtain a save it for later. It was a real challenge noting the other sign which says raftload of priceless experiences, and to me, anyway; 1 just couldn't think of 'Absolutely No Females Permitted Past things you can tell your grandchildren anything to do with all the time I had This Line.' about (if you fail, anyway). And best left over. A good indication of the After stripping to shorts you follow of all, they even buy your lunch. military mentality is that a quarter of more colored lines (by now the Getting to the L.A. center is half the test reads something like 'Identify color-blind people have been weeded the fun. Your first priceless experience the Tool,' and I saw no indication that out) and go through all sorts of fun will be to get to see a sunrise for the these questions were segregated in any with such wonderful things as a chest first time since the previous finals way from the math or vocabulary X-ray, a butt examination, and an ear week, since you will undoubtedly be questions in the final score. Since I testing mechanism (mine was defec­ told to report at 7:00 a.m., unless the don't know a socket wrench from a tive). After they test your glasses (not powers that be are feeling benevolent buzz-saw, presumably I'll go t:lrough your eyes) a neat little bit of and let you report at 6:30 a.m. If that life with a random mental test score. psychology is worked. Previously you happens you can comfort yourself by Beautiful. (A fellow later told me that have been handed a form on which reflecting that you'd be out half an all the tools had to do with cars. I you can claim various physical, mental hour earlier if you hadn't overslept and hadn't noticed.) Of course, two fellows and moral defects (see last week's wound up at the end of the waiting in our room flunked it, which made ears), including pregnancy if you're so line. -----.-._- After you get up, bright and cheery, head in the direction of Lake Avenue, if you can remember where it is, and line up waiting for a No. 70 bus (or is it No. 71?) to take you down into beautiful downtown Los Angeles. After boarding the bus (which only stops at those funny little signs saying 'Bus Stop,' not where you ask it to or where the lady at the RTD number said it would) you can pay your $.54 and relax until you get to Seventh and Main, unless you forgot your $.54, in which case the look you get from the driver will preclude any relaxation. From there walk two blocks the way you came (naturally) to Broadway and then four blocks to your left and look for the long line of random trolls. You're there. After you prove to them that you're really who you say you are and the one they want, you start playing a "You Can Come Out of Your Shell Now, Spiro." the hot THROBBING rivet - september 14, 1984 - page twenty-four inclined. At this point, after you've been invigorated by prating around in your shorts (I found a hole in one of the window-coverings) and at peace with the world, you get to talk to a doctor about the boxes you checked the wrong way (i.e., claimed to have). Example: 'Why did you check nose­ bleed?' 'I have nosebleeds.' 'How often?' 'Once a week.' (Frown. That's too often.) 'How severe?' 'I don't know. I'm not dead of them.' (Checks box OK.) And on you go. After a few more thrills you get to move on to the blood sample area. Of course, I'm not one of those he-men types who turns green at the sight of a needle. Not me. I just turn green. Of course, just for kicks, this time I turned red, but it wasn't exactly my fault. You see, their vacuum-needle was missing something essential. No, not the needle, that'd be all right. It was missing the vacuum. Have you ever seen a blocked vein explode? Neither have I-I wasn't looking-but the guy behind me in line did, and so did the doctor, if he was paying attention. Anyway, apparently my arm wasn't At the Sound of the Glissando, the chintzy with its contribution, but they Time Will Be 7:00 a.m. - exactly. didn't appreciate it, and insisted on an instant replay. Continued from Page Ten anything. By the end, of course, they've many medals they get from the White generally managed to erode away all House for joining the team, Democrats hese meanings can be separated the beautiful excuses you thought know that even modest achievement of T through their syntax. In "A and you'd conjured up for them (yes, this vision would bring the President B cooperate" there is a gramatical Virginia, you do need documentation), and his party the lion's share of the equality of the two parties involved. but if you think you've had a raw plaudits, just as failure would bring This equality is'~arried over when one deal, here's where they make up for it, them most of the censure." determines the connotation of the in the old army interest in fair play. 'If It seems that Mr. Nixon has sentence. In "B cooperates with A" any of you guys have any questions, or explicitly redefined the word "coopera­ and "With the cooperation of B, A..." problems, or think you haven't been te" in paragraph 63. As he uses it the this gramatical equality does not exist. properly dealt with in any way, when word means that the two groups will It implies that A is doing something you're done, go up to Room PDQ and act as one, but that the leadership will and that B is merely helping-or at talk to the doctor there.' Needless to be concentrated in one of parties least not getting in the way. say, the stairs groaned under the involved. This definition is neither new We have seen that CTA can be a pressure of stampeding feet. Nobody nor peculiar to Mr. Nixon. How many useful tool for noticing things. Alone it can say that the military don't give times have teachers complained "He can do nothing, but with added study you a fair chance. It's not their fault if (or she) won't cooperate with me," CTA's results can be the basis for some chances are fairer than others. and how many times have frustrated much useful information. parents screamed, "Why can't you cooperate [with me]?" They don't want an answer, they don't even want to enter into a partnership with the child, they want the kid to obey! In paragraph 30 "cooperate" has the more traditional meaning, though as already stated that could mean almost