From Dumpster-Diving to Raucous Revels MICHAEL DERRINGER

Friday January 23rd 2009 e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Issue no 687 | varsity.co.uk »p3 News »Special pull-out »p20 Features Alison Richard It’s here: the Procter & An American in speaks Gamble Varsity 100 2009 Victorian Cambridge From dumpster-diving to raucous revels MICHAEL DERRINGER

Varsity survey reveals large disparity in wealth of Cambridge students, with spending budgets ranging from £20 to £400 a week ally helped me to keep down my weekly age of £181 per week compared to the average of £64,000 a year, compared to Caedmon Tunstall-Behrens spending,” said a second-year bin-raider Cambridge average of £112 per week. those at King’s who earn £75,000. A Varsity survey has exposed the huge who wished to remain anonymous. eir parents have the highest income 62 per cent of students at King’s ad- disparity in spending levels among Five and a half per cent of students as well, earning an average of £117,500 mitted they regularly received money Cambridge students. While some stu- said they lived on under £30 a week, a year. Management and Land Econ- from their parents, compared to 40 per dents are living a Brideshead-style ex- according to Varsity’s online survey of omy students were also amongst the cent at St John’s. “To be honest at King’s £112 istence, spending £400 a week, others 783 students. At the opposite end of highest rollers. we’re not really bothered about money, Average weekly spending by are surviving on just £20. the scale, twelve per cent of Cambridge “ ere are some really rich people there are more important things in life,” respondents e ndings illustrate the radically students claimed to live on over £200 studying History of Art. It’s seems a said a second-year English student at di erent experiences rich and poor stu- a week. ese gures exclude rent, but very public school subject, possibly King’s. dents have at Cambridge. While some include all other expenditure. because not many state schools o er it A gender divide in spending levels drink Cindies dry of Bollinger, others “I have noticed there is a signi cant at A-level,” said Megan Cooper, a rst- was found to exist within the University. are joining the ‘freegan’ movement, social divide in Cambridge between year History of Art undergraduate at On average, men spend £126 per week rummaging through supermarket bins those who are wealthy and the less well Churchill. compared to women who spend £99. £74k for food to get by. Some students can o – the gap formed early on as fresh- While some stereotypes were con- “In the end men have to spend money Average earnings of respondents’ only a ord to spend £2.87 a day, ac- ers,” said a third year English student at rmed by the survey, others were on women or they won’t pull,” suggest- parents cording the results. Caius. dashed. e parents of students at St ed one undergraduate at Homerton as a “I’m on a fairly tight budget, and get- History of Art students are the most John’s earned considerably less than possible explanation for this di erence. ting food from supermarket bins has re- spendthri group, spending an aver- those at King’s. John’s parents earn an Continued on page 5 China’s prime minister to deliver prestigious Cambridge lecture Andrew Bellis the University, but tickets will be allo- applications being treated equally. week-long visit to Europe, when he will Since 1858, when the lecture was re- cated a er an online application proc- Mr Wen, 67, has been premier of the visit Britain, Spain, Belgium, Germany established, the Vice-Chancellor has China’s prime minister, Wen Jiabao, is ess. e lecture, which will take place People’s Republic of China since 2003 and Switzerland. appointed a speaker to deliver the an- to deliver a lecture in Cambridge. in the West Road Concert Hall, is al- and is third in the Communist Party’s e Sir Robert Rede’s Lectureship nual lecture. Previous speakers have Mr Wen will give the prestigious ready heavily oversubscribed, although hierarchy, behind the president, Hu is named a er a Lord Chief Justice of included the Duke of Edinburgh and Rede Lecture on Monday February the deadline for applications is not un- Jintao, and the senior speaker in the the Common Pleas in the sixteenth John Betjeman. 2nd. e title has yet to be announced. til midday on Monday. All 350 tickets country’s legislature. century who le an endowment to es- To apply for a ticket, visit www.ad- e lecture is open to all members of will be allocated a er that time, with all Mr Wen’s lecture will coincide with a tablish a lectureship at the University. min.cam.ac.uk/redelecture2009. Something to say? [email protected] Friday January 23rd 2009 2 Editorial Call the Editors directly on 01223 761541 varsity.co.uk

e Procter & Gamble Varsity 100 2009 can be found as a special pull-out within this week’s centrefold.

Contents Us and them: the institutional divide

f you read the Reporter, the University’s official record of business, you will find a world far removed from the concerns of students. It is a world of Graces of the Regent House, of the endowment of Chairs, and the appointment News p1-7 Iof Pro-Proctors and their colleagues. It is not, however, the arcane language which may alienate students from the dealings of the University’s top brass, but the fact that those who run this institution have such different priorities to Varsity Pro le p6 the students. We talk to a magical Cambridge student e University’s administrators are focused on fundraising and public relations. eir top priorities of recent months, by the name of Chris McGeever. for example, have been the Festival of Ideas and the University’s ‘800’ campaign; neither of these is of much importance at all to students. As the Vice-Chancellor tells Varsity, she feels that students have a part to play; but it is never quite clear what that part is. She claims not to feel “removed” from students, but most of us would surely disagree. is is not a Cambridge Spies p7 personal criticism – Alison Richard is wonderfully good at what she does – but an institutional one. Prepare to be scandalised by a Perhaps we should count our blessings. e collegiate and supervision systems, and our unusually high ratio of well-boiled serving of hot gossip. academics to students, means that we have much more contact with dons than do students at most other universities. However, there still seems to be a fundamental disconnection between the top of the University and the students who make up the bulk of its population. It is hard to see a way out of this confusion. e University is inherently fragmented: we all make our own Cambridge – from our College, our faculty, our leisure activities and our friends – and that is not a bad thing. However, all the mem- Comment p9-11 bers of the University should feel united in a common purpose, and that seems at the moment not always to be the case. e University’s ruling body would probably argue that everything they do bene ts students indirectly in the long run. e Essay p9 Yet if this is the case, why do they not tell students so? ere seems to be little e ort to make junior members feel a part Jonathan Birch tells us that Darwin’s of the University as a whole, or to explain exactly how disputes in the Senate House may one day a ect us. It is not that method, not his ideas, are what should the central administration does not care about students; just that they are very bad at showing it. ensure his enduring memory. Spoiling the party p10 Count your blessings: the wealth divide e 800th anniversary is a farce. o many, it may come as little surprise to learn that there is a certain amount of wealth disparity among Cambridge students. However, the idea that some students can spend only £20 a week, while others have £400, is still faintly Tshocking, even while bearing in mind the usual caveats over the reliability of voluntary surveys. When you further con- Magazine p13-28 sider the fact that 63 per cent of students will emerge with over £20,000 of debt, while 20 per cent will have none at all, it is further brought home how much variation there is between our wallets. ere is no easy way out – mass redistribution Penguin perfection p19 of wealth is not the answer, and a plurality of us is (rightly) satis ed with the University’s nancial provision – but the We talk to book designer Coralie Bickford-Smith. richer among us should bear in mind that not everyone is so lucky, even within Cambridge’s storied walls.

Submit your letter for the chance to win a bottle of wine from the Cambridge Wine Merchants. Marcus du Sautoy p22 [email protected] is week’s winner is Ben Towse of Churchill College. Meet Oxford’s new Professor of the Public Understanding of Science. Loosen term limits veloping and hosting the best minds Maltby’s magic ball to tackle the most important scien- Dear Sirs, ti c, political, philosophical, histori- Sirs, cal and cultural challenges, we should In your editorial on January 16th be more concerned with our ability With the government stake in RBS set Sport p29-32 [issue 686], you argued that cram- to give demanding material full and to rise to 70%, your columnist Ed Malt- ming intense workloads into short deep consideration than our ability to by’s call (at the time roundly ridiculed) Alternative ski review p31 terms “encourag[es] the idea that run manically in the hamster wheel for the nationalisation of the city in last Read about the Varsity Trip from our Cambridge...[is] exceptional, and of an eight-week term. However, January’s article [issue 668, January 18th intrepid reporter in the clubs and bars. require[s] higher standards than boasting about withstanding stress 2008] now seems eminently prophetic. whilst doing arbitrarily large amounts Where do we go from here? of work in arbitrarily short amounts View from the River p32 of time is an appropriate priority if we Yours faithfully, Training’s getting heavy, and Silas’ body is in revolt. think the purpose of an elite university is to churn out, factory-like, Jack Gillett other universities”. Frankly, we are in glowing CVs for the nancial sector a sad place if Cambridge’s claim to and similar industries. Correction superiority is focused on mere inten- Last week [issue 686, January 16th] Get involved sity of workload rather than advanced Yours faithfully, we incorrectly reported the name of material and depth of thought. Varsity Homerton’s Principal as Kate Perry. It Weekly meetings are held for anyone interested in exalts the University’s research repu- Ben Towse is in fact Kate Pretty; Katie Perry is a tation, but if we are committed to de- Churchill College notorious pop singer. Apologies. writing for Varsity. Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947 and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge College and to ARU each week. News Editors Hugo Gye & Michael Stothard [email protected] Associate Editors Clementine Dowley [email protected] & Robert Peal Sunday, 4pm in the Maypole (Portugal Place) [email protected] News Editors Andrew Bellis & Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens [email protected] Comment Editor Robert Stagg [email protected] Sport Editors Jenny Morgan & Jamie Ptaszynski [email protected] Features Editor Joe Hunter features@varsity. co.uk Arts Editor Emma Mustich [email protected] eatre Editor Joel Massey [email protected] Reviews & Listings Editor Laurie Tu rey [email protected] Fashion Editors Kate Womersley, Alice Newell-Hanson & Katy King [email protected] Comment Senior Reporters Christos Lavidas, Timothy Leung, Beth Staton & Lizzy Tyler [email protected] Science Correspondents Rose Powell-Tuck & Arthur Turrell [email protected] Food & Drink Editors Jono Franklin & Amanda Palin [email protected] eatre Monday, 1pm in the Maypole Critics Victoria Ball, Nicholas Beck, Nathan Brooker, Lauren Davidson & George Reynolds [email protected] Music Critics Lucy Bryant & Paul Smith [email protected] Film Critics Isobel Finkel & Tom Morris [email protected] Visual Arts Critic Laura Freeman [email protected] Classical Music Critics David Allen & Andrew Browning [email protected] Literary Critic Colette Sensier [email protected] Editor-at-large Ed Cumming [email protected] Magazine Sub-editors Colm Flanagan, Sheli Levenson & Charlie Pearson [email protected] Photographers Patrick Garety, Tim Johns, Sean Jones, Tom Moriarty, Lizzie Robinson, Charlotte Runcie, Dhaneesha Senaratne & Zing Tsjeng [email protected] Illustrators Alice Edgerley, Tom de Freston, Sallie Godwin, Wednesday, 5.30pm in the Maypole Jane Hall, Emma Lough, Giles Smith, Katherine Spence, Christiana Spens, Claudia Stocker, Anna Trench & Oliver Watson [email protected] Business & Advertising Manager Michael Derringer [email protected] Board of Directors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Mr Tom Walters, Mr Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer, Miss Lizzie Mitchell, Mr Elliot Ross (VarSoc President), Sport Mr omas Bird, Mr George Grist, Mr Patrick Kingsley, Miss Natasha Lennard, Miss Anna Trench, Mr Hugo Gye & Mr Michael Stothard NEWSPAPERS Varsity Publications, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. SUPPORT RECYCLING Varsity Publications also publishes BlueSci and The Mays. ©2009 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a Sunday, 7pm in the Baron of Beef (Bridge St.) Recycled paper made up 79% of the raw retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed material for UK newspapers in 2007 at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Ofﬁ ce. ISSN 1758-4442 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT RECYCLING Friday January 23rd 2009 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 3 Vice-Chancellor: ‘I don’t feel In Brief CUP cuts 133 jobs Cambridge University Press has announced that it is cutting 133 jobs. e decision by CUP, the world’s old- removed from students’ est printing business, comes despite revenues increasing by 40 per cent » Alison Richard ‘had no idea who the Vice-Chancellor was’ when she was an undergraduate in six years. 80 per cent of the rm’s business takes place abroad, and the » She tells Varsity she is unconcerned about her legacy rm wants more of its printing to happen overseas. Chief executive Hugo Gye & Michael Stothard bridge”, it seems clear that most of the of e orts to involve University sta in students do not even know the name of Stephen Bourne said: “We know that activities are not directed at the Uni- the celebrations, highlighting the sta the Vice-Chancellor, and in a Varsity this is an incredibly di cult time for e Vice-Chancellor is a busy woman. versity’s junior members. Prof. Rich- garden party set to take place this sum- survey last year only 23 per cent of stu- those sta that are a ected, and we Varsity waited three months to carve ard points instead to the presence of mer. dents could recognise her photograph. will be doing all we can to support out time from her schedule, and met local residents at events such as the Some might argue that this lack of Prof. Richard appears unworried by them through these changes. is has with her just two days a er her return light-show as evidence that another emphasis on students is indicative of this, admitting that when she was an been a very hard decision to make from India, where she has been proof the anniversary’s aims, to “rea rm a certain disconnect between under- undergraduate she “had no idea who but we believe it is the right one to moting the University’s 800th anniver- the fact that we are a part of the city of graduates and the central University the Vice-Chancellor was”. Having spent safeguard the long-term future of our sary celebrations. She relates with pride Cambridge”, is working. She talks also administration, to the extent that many much of her career teaching, she ad- business, given the current economic how she convinced cathedrals in Cal- mits, “I miss seeing more of students, and technological climate.” cutta, Delhi and Bangalore to ring their but I don’t feel removed from them.” bells in Cambridge’s honour last Sat- She thinks that “the collegiate system LBGT night announced urday, and how she swung a hand-bell pushes the Vice-Chancellor further before dinner in Mumbai that night, back from contact with the students”, CUSU Ents are introducing a new all as part of the global event marked although she believes that “it’s worth it, LBGT club night, just a week af- in Cambridge with a light-show on the because it’s a great system”. Indeed, she ter pulling out of rust. e new Senate House (which she missed). says it is the Colleges which “provide a night, Rendezvous, will be at Vodka Alison Richard has been under- genius of scale, which is what lets Cam- Revolution on Tuesdays. Last week standably preoccupied with the 800th, bridge be this big place and this small CUSU announced that it was ending which will take her round the world in place at the same time”. She regards the its relationship with the rust night a series of trips this year. Much of her main role of the central University as at e Place, which will continue to work is to do with soliciting donations a strategic one, emphasising the grand take place on Tuesdays, a er its rela- from “alumni and friends of the Uni- scale of projects such as the current cel- tionship with rust Promotions, the versity”, as well as “corporate giving”. ebrations and the development of West event’s co-promoters, broke down ir- However, she is adamant that students Cambridge. reparably. Mat Morgan, CUSU’s ents have a part to play in the celebrations Despite the strengths of the Cam- manager, described the new night as as well. “We wanted students to be sub- bridge’s relative decentralisation, Prof. providing an opportunity for a “clean stantively involved,” she claims, saying Richard hopes that more students will break”. Rendezvous will launch next that it is students’ “creativity and activi- come to appreciate the value of the Tuesday, during CUSU’s alcohol ties” which are the best way to contrib- central administration. “I would like awareness week, and will be provid- ute to festivities, primarily through the to think that over time students will ing free alchohol. CUSU’s Welfare 2009 Fund, which has paid out money come to know the name of their Vice- O cer, Andrea Walko, condemned to wide range of student societies (as Chancellor,” she says, “because I think the decision as “irresponsible”. well as Colleges and departments). there’s a leadership role for the Vice- Yet despite describing students as Chancellor: when I’m speaking I speak part of “the fabric of collegiate Cam- on behalf of all of Cambridge... I would NUS backs radical reforms like the students to know that there is Members of the National Union of this person, this is who she is and this Students voted in favour of radical Alison Richard in brief is what she does.” She seems to know organisational reform at its extraor- On March 1st, 1948, Alison Fettes that students feel separated from her dinary conference in Wolverhampton Richard was born in Kent. A er and her work, but despite wanting to on Tuesday. e proposals will prompt studying at Newnham and King’s remedy this, concludes “Do I lie awake the introduction of a governing board College, London, she joined the fac- worrying about it? No.” comprised of students, o cers and ulty of Yale University in 1972, and e Vice-Chancellor leaves o ce trustees with expertise in areas such as chaired the Department of Anthro- next year, but she claims not to be x- law and nancial management. It will pology from 1986 to 1990. She was ated on how she will be remembered, be overseen by a National Executive appointed Provost of Yale in April saying, “I don’t think about legacies...I Council of student representatives, 1994, a post she held until 2002. In focus my attention on the institution, who will provide the political leader- 2003, she succeeded Alec Broers not on how I’m thought of.” Her only ship of the NUS, debate policy and as Vice-Chancellor of Cambridge, hope is that on her departure Cam- dictate spending priorities, whilst the the rst woman to hold the post bridge will remain with “its ambitions board would deal with the particulars since it became a full-time role. Her high, its con dence intact, its ags of budget, sta ng and liability. e seven-year term comes to an end in ying,” and “continuing to be recog- debate was overshadowed, however, October 2010. e University this Alison Richard gives nised as one of a handful of the nest when a group of pro-Palestinian pro- week announced the composition a speech in Delhi universities in the world”. is aim will testers stormed the stage and refused of the committee that will appoint earlier this month doubtless be ful lled; whether students to leave. NUS president Wes Street- her successor. will feel part of this mission remains to ing (ex-President of CUSU) allowed be seen. them to give a ve-minute speech if they would leave a erwards. He later apologised for the protest, saying that he was ashamed that the NUS was not Downing turns to Cindies as ball sponsor “inclusive for all”. » Financial climate forces May Ball to look away from traditional City backing

Varsity News Downing May Ball president Chris blame the recession for Colleges’ inter- lege to have o cially con rmed a deal Hughes blamed the reluctance of busi- est in its sponsorship. for this year. 52 Trumpington Street Cambridge nightclub Ballare has been nesses to sponsor the ball on the reces- “Downing did mention that they Hughes is keen to point out that the Cambridge CB2 1RG announced as a sponsor of Downing sion. He said that the current economic were having di culty securing nan- di culties the committee have so far May Ball. situation had made securing corporate cial support this year, but we’ve done experienced in obtaining sponsor- FREE CHELSEA BUN e Downing May Ball Committee sponsorship a “challenge”. deals with them in the past and are ship will in no way be re ected in the With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop approached the club a er the more A spokesperson for the club con- planning to continue to do so in the May Ball itself. He said that the event’s OR usual corporate rms showed a lack of rmed that Ballare will provide the future. I don’t think it’s directly linked funding is managed in such a way that FREE MORNING interest in providing nancial support drinks and a DJ for Downing’s event, to the recession,” he said. the ball is not “dependent on sponsor- for its event. as well as “a few other bits and pieces”. e spokesperson said that Ballare ship in order to produce a successful COFFEE/TEA (9am-12pm) Danuka Amirthalingam, in charge It will also host the ball’s launch party has provided several Colleges with evening”. With any cake or pastry in the restaurant of obtaining sponsorship for the ball, next week. sponsorship for their May Balls in re- e ball, which will be held on the said, “I’ve been in touch with over 120 e club was keen to emphasise that cent years, including St John’s, Trinity, evening of June 16th, will have ‘Never- on presentation of this voucher law rms, but only one of them has it sponsors four or ve balls a year. A Magdalene, Peterhouse and Trinity land’ as its theme. Its launch party is to and proof of student status agreed to provide funding.” spokesperson said that it was unfair to Hall. So far Downing is the only Col- be hosted by Ballare next week. News Editors: Andrew Bellis & Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens Friday January 23rd 2009 4 News [email protected] varsity.co.uk

In Brief Wealth survey

Grafton’s £15m refurb y ki n g k at The Grafton shopping centre has announced plans for a £15 million pound refurbishment programme. The plan, if approved, aims to update Moet Chandon 75cl £25.87 Salad Ptoes Bas £ 0.79 the 25 year old look of the centre by Smk Salmon Organic £ 4.29 Istnt ndl chkn Bas £ 0.10 providing a cosmetic revamp and Innocent smoothie £ 2.99 Chkn Roll 40 sli Bas £ 0.94 supplying additional places for eating Steak x2 £ 9.23 Milk 1L 1% fat £ 0.45 Cam cheese Tst dif £ 2.00 Tnd tomato Bas £ 0.22 within the Grafton. While the size of Raspberries Tst dif £ 2.98 Bread roll £ 0.35 the centre and the number of shops Illy coffee £ 5.29 will remain largely the same there Tortell pasta Tst dif £ 2.79 6 BALANCE DUe £ 2.85 Taramosalata £ 0.99 CASh £ 3.00 will be major changes to the main 10 Balance due £57.63 Fitzroy Street entrance. The current Cash £60.00 Change £ 0.15 entrance will be completely replaced Change £ 2.37 with a wall of glass rising two storeys and a new glass roof extending above the mall beyond the main entrance, “creating a welcoming, light and airy space for shoppers” while “opening up the shop front to a better view”, the centre says. Laura Jones Tesco to open new store Cambridge City Council has given

planning permission for Tesco to y ki n g k at open a new store in Cambridge Lei- sure Park on Clifton Road, despite a 200-signature petition against the proposal. The supermarket was twice refused permission from the council for a new store on Mill Road Supermarket sweep last autumn following campaigning from residents concerned about the These disparity between the daily food (only 10p), while our well-off student impact on independent traders and budgets of the richest and poorest can push the boat out with a couple of increased congestion in the area. Cambridge students, according to our £5 steaks and some £4 organic salmon. However, the East Area Committee survey, is illustrated by the shopping The big-spender can afford a punnet approved the latest application for baskets to the left. A student living on of Taste the Difference raspberries (£3) the Tesco Express on January 15. £400 a week can spend £57.63 a day and a £2 packet of Taste the Difference Councillor Lewis Herbert said the (top), compared to a student getting by Camembert; our cheaper basket must two cases were “totally different” with £20 a week, whose budget is only stick to just savoury items. Whereas the because there was a “lack of grocery £2.85 a day (bottom). only drink in our low-budget basket is provision” in the area compared Our poorer student must stick firmly a 45p pint of milk, our richer student’s with Mill Road. to Sainsbury’s basics range, buying only smoothie (£3) costs more than the en- Louise Thomson the cheapest items; our richer shopper tire daily spend for the poorer student. can afford to splash out with Taste the And, with almost £60 a week to spend, Students say “go greener” Difference and SO Organic products. our wealthy student can wash his meal The money-conscious buyer will be down with a spot of bubbly – a nice On the day Cambridge University tucking into instant chicken noodles Moët – a snip at just £26. began to celebrate its 800th birthday, students took to the streets to demand greater action from Univer- sity authorities in the fight against Colleges Subjects climate change. Students stood on Survey in detail the King’s Parade wall spelling out Av. weekly Av. parental Av. weekly Av. parental Average amount of money a student spends per week in Cambridge £112 the words: “We demand climate budget income budget income leadership from Cambridge Univer- Average amount a male student spends per week £126 sity”. The protest was part of CUSU’s Churchill £179 £72,500 History of Art £182 £118k ‘Go Greener!’ campaign, launched Robinson £153 £79,200 Management £171 £67,500 Average amount a female student spends per week £99 in October 2007, which aims to Girton £149 £69,900 Architecture £155 £83,100 make the University a model of Land Economy £153 £74,000 Percentage of respondents who receive both a tuition fee loan and a 62% “low-carbon development and en- Clare £147 £85,100 maintenance loan vironmental responsibility” and ‘to Geography £148 £104k Jesus £136 £68,000 Percentage of respondents who receive no student loan 20% raise awareness amongst the student Classics £137 £84,600 body”. The protest attracted atten- Trinity £136 £82,800 tion from the hundreds of tourists Peterhouse £134 £54,800 Economics £137 £117k Percentage of respondents who do paid work in their holidays 60% in Cambridge, many of whom had Maths £134 £78,000 Corpus £122 £78,500 Percentage of students who do paid work during term-time 10% come to witness the 800th anniver- Philosophy £129 £57,700 sary celebrations. Downing £119 £77,900 Caius £112 £96,100 Computer Science £127 £50,900 Percentage of respondents living in the EU whose parents earn more 37% Plants don’t change climate St John’s £108 £63,900 Oriental Studies £125 £87,800 than £75,000 English £122 £61,200 Percentage of respondents living outside the EU whose parents earn 52% Cambridge scientists have shown Murray Edwards £108 £108k more than £75,000 SPS £119 £77,600 that plants do not produce millions Trinity Hall £107 £69,800 Percentage of respondents who pay for their term-time 56% of tonnes of greenhouse gases, as Magdalene £103 £75,800 Law £112 £80,000 accommodation themselves had previously been thought. The study found that plants instead Emmanuel £102 £82,400 Music £107 £80,000 Percentage of respondents who think that financial support from the 44% merely transport methane from the Sidney Sussex £101 £67,100 MML £106 £62,200 government and University is sufficient soil. These new findings contradict History £106 £74,800 Percentage of respondents who think that the economic recession has 34% an earlier study which suggested that King’s £101 £75,500 affected their financial situation ASNaC £104 £63,300 plants were producing significant Queens’ ‘£100 £68,800 Percentage of respondents whose parents give them money regularly 66% quantities of methane and releasing Homerton £99 £55,100 Theology £103 £74,900 it into the atmosphere. Methane is Engineering £92 £68,100 Average number of times respondents eat out per week a potent greenhouse gas and a ma- Pembroke £90 £80,600 2 jor contributor to global warming. St Catharine’s £88 £58,500 Natural Sciences £90 £64,600 Percentage of respondents who receive a bursary for their studies 25% The discovery, which researcher Dr Newnham £85 £66,800 Arch & Anth £89 £52,200 Ellen Nisbet described as “a relief”, may help scientists to accurately es- Christ’s £82 £70,900 Medicine £86 £62,300 Average income of respondents’ parents £74k timate methane production and so Selwyn £75 £77,900 Education £78 £46,500 Percentage of respondents’ parents earning less than £25,000 8% combat global warming. Fitzwilliam £72 £64,500 Vet. Medicine £76 £64,600 Friday January 23rd 2009 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 5

Wealth Survey From the Archives Large wealth disparities exposed » Survey suggests little correlation between parents’ earnings and students’ expenditure » Only 56% pay for their own accommodation as 66% regularly receive money from their parents » 25% of students call for abolition of tuition fees, 32% want to see them lowered Week 2: February 17th 1951 Money has been a perennial Continued from front page dent expenditure. Despite spending because the College libraries don’t an average of £180 a week, parents have that many copies. I also pay a student worry. This was our take Ten per cent of students admitted of Churchill students had a middle- subscription fee to MedSoc and the on it during the rationing years. undertaking paid employment dur- ranking income of £72,500 per an- British Medical Association, which ing term time, with 60% working in num on average. is free for first-years, but I wouldn’t 27% Percentage of respondents unhappy he probable living expenses of the holidays. Although rules about A second-year vet student from include that in my weekly expendi- with their financial situation an undergraduate in residence working differ from college to col- Robinson, which came second on tu re .” Tat the present time are officially out- lege, normally colleges only allow the weekly spending table at £153, A CUSU spokesperson said: “If any lined to the freshman in the current students to work for four hours a said: “Generally people at Robinson students are worried about finances “Students’ Handbook.” In round week. go out more, and don’t tend to come or budgeting then I strongly encour- figures, they are placed at £230- Most students responded that they back in the daytime.” The third in the age them to speak to the students’ 245 a year, this sum being taken to wanted to either abolish or reduce list was Girton at £149. These results union or to their tutor. The worst include travel to and from Cam- university fees. Eighty per cent of suggest that those at Colleges further scenario would be for students to 34%Percentage of respondents who bridge, board and lodgings, books, students have a student loan. from the city centre spend more than suffer in silence, and there are often think the recession has affected their clothes and personal expenses, but The data reveals that Churchill if they lived closer to town. Murray many sources of funding available finances not the fees levied by the Univer- students spend the most, with an Edwards was also relatively high on that students aren’t aware of.” sity and College for teaching and average weekly expenditure of £179. the list. administration. With these, the Megan Cooper said, “Churchill is Among the ‘richer’ colleges, as

katy kin g katy total expenditure is placed at £300 a very sociable – people seem to go out determined by the amount students year. An overseas student living in more than other Colleges.” spend per week, the proportion of this country is advised to ensure for The thriftiest College was found to those receiving student loans was himself or herself an annual income be Fitzwilliam, spending an average relatively high. At Churchill, 50 per of at least £500 to include lodging of £71 a week. “We’re far from town, cent took both available loans and and a certain amount of travel in the cash machine is far away, and 30 per cent were given bursaries by Britain during the vacation. we’re closer to Aldi than Sainsbury’s” the government and the university. The expenses which a student said Ayo Awe, a first-year Law stu- At Girton, 63 per cent of students is called upon to meet before first dent. Another said: “We’re not a pre- signed up for both loans and 20 per coming into residence vary widely, tentious college: we don’t flash our cent claimed not to receive a loan at from £4 at Emmanuel to £66 at cash and we’re far removed from the all. Queens’ (£86 for a foreign student), temptations of town. We can’t just Medics were relatively low on the though much of the latter con- easily pop into Ta Bouche or a res- table for weekly budgets at £86 per sists of caution money (£40) and taurant to eat out.” week, but ranked higher on the term- compulsory advance payment of A first-year lawyer at Fitzwilliam ly budget at £1,532. This could be fees (£45). It must be remembered said: “Compared to other Colleges attributed to the fact that they have that these sums have to be paid like Trinity and St. John’s, we prob- to buy expensive text and anatomy before most students have received ably have poorer backgrounds, so we books before coming up to Cam- their first grants, and that that part will spend less.” bridge at the beginning of term. of the money which is return- There was no correlation be- One third-year medic at Magdalene able is only in a few cases released tween parental earnings and stu- said: “I bought most of my textbooks before graduation, three years later. Degree expenses very with degrees and colleges. Degree fees are from Cash-strapped vs ostentatious spender the usual £3 for a B.A. to £10 for a graduate in medicine and £25 for any doctorate. College graduation Ellie, Clare, 2nd Year fees rarely exceed £2. Under a rule which holds for all ’m on a fairly tight budget and “You can get all the basics: cheese, find anything or the security is too colleges, winners of any awards are “Igetting food from supermar- pasta, soup, yoghurts and so on still tight, so I do have to subsidise it on allowed to forfeit their financial ket bins has really helped me to in packaging, but meat is generally a occasion with actual food shopping. benefits if they wish to do so, the keep down my weekly spending, rarity. Because supermarkets are so “I do sometimes worry about my money being devoted to helping as I don’t have to buy most of the sensitive to sell-by dates and mark health. Meats and products which poor students. In this connection, food I eat. I’ve been doing it since them well before you can actually need refrigeration are a concern for most Colleges and also Fitzwil- mid-way through my first term at eat the products, everything you find me, so I only eat it if I’m sure. liam House operate gift funds to Cambridge, when a guy in College there is edible, though I do play it by “People generally look down on help “undergraduates in straitened told me about it. ear for some things. If it has previ- me for doing it; they think it’s a bit circumstances”. “If you find the right time and the ously been reduced, is well past its skanky. What I take would just be Two Colleges, Selwyn and right bins, and leave them in a good ‘Use by’ date, or the packaging is a bit going to land-fill sites and it’s not Emmanuel, and also Fitzwilliam condition, then security tend to turn dodgy, I avoid taking it. affecting anyone, so I don’t see it as a House, do not demand caution a blind eye. “There are days when either I don’t problem.” money on admission, though at Selwyn all fees are to be paid in advance, and £54-56 (varying with Quentin, Corpus Christi, 3rd Year the rent of the rooms occupied) has to be paid towards the first term’s uring term time I tend to a terrible cook so end up eating out lending money to people or whatever. bill. The caution money varies from “Dspend between £300-£400 a nearly all the time – at least one meal “I feel as if being at Cambridge jus- £12 at Trinity to £40 at Peterhouse, week, excluding fees and accommoda- a day, if not two. And since most of tifies spending a lot of money, because and at the former, as at five other tion. It probably sounds like a lot to my friends are outside College anyway I work so hard that I deserve it. One colleges, the money is returned at some people, but it’s not as if I spend it means we eat out a lot as a way of way to reward myself after finishing the end of the first term. St. John’s excessive amounts of money on large socialising. an essay or a working for the whole and Trinity Hall demand advance purchases or unnecessary luxuries “I also go out a lot – almost every day in the library is to spend money – payment of the University Matricu- – that’s just how much my everyday night of the week – and although whether by going shopping, treating lation Fee of five guineas. Fitzwil- lifestyle costs. A typical week involves club entry is so cheap, getting VIP oneself to a spa day at Glassworks, or liam House and Selwyn are unique spending money on eating out, clothes treatment or a table obviously involves dinner out with some good wine and in that they have no Registration and shoe shopping, alcohol, taxis to expenditure. I quite frequently buy three courses. or Admission Fees (several colleges supervisions, going to the gym, tickets VK Apples in units of 24 for my fellow “Last term I splashed out on an have both) though in both these to gigs and the theatre and going out students. Impressing girls and seeing impromptu overnight trip to Paris for cases fees are paid in advance. At to clubs, pubs and bars, as well as all my friends having a good time makes dinner. Things like that are just a way some of the Colleges where, in the necessary things like food shop- spending that much money worth it.I of making term more bearable. theory, fees are paid at the end of ping (M&S not Sainsbury’s) laundry, quite frequently buy VK Apples in “I’ve never felt alienated from oth- each term or during the subsequent and so on – it all adds up. batches of 24 for my fellow students. ers here because of my expenditure, vacation, it is usual for the payment “A lot of it goes on food: College And if I’m drunk, I never really notice but then again I’m very picky about in fact to be demanded a term late. food is fairly unappetising and I’m how much I’m spending, or remember my friends.” News Editors: Andrew Bellis & Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens Friday January 23rd 2009 6 News [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Cambridge could triple in size by 2031, say planners Ik enna Obie kw e » Report names city as development hotspot

Gemma Oke & Aditi Rao menting the proposals, Meecham said: “Although development is not ever A new settlement study has caused without any pain, new-build homes alarm by suggesting that the popula- will make use of carbon negative tech- tion of Cambridge could treble by nology to help reduce the effect of 2031. communities on the environment.” The study, published by the East of The report recommends that new England Regional Assembly (EERA) developments should be sustainable last week, highlights Cambridge as one with a view to securing the long term of three cities in the region with high economic stability of the region, capi- potential for population and economic talising on the “Cambridge phenom- growth. Development within the city enon” that has seen knowledge-based itself is expected to be limited, but the and technological industries cluster proposals have caused surprise among around the wider Cambridgeshire re- residents and workers in Cambridge, gion, in part due to the University of with concerns for the possible impact Cambridge’s reputation as a world- of expansion upon infrastructure and leading centre of academic research the environment. and teaching. The chairman of the EERA Plan- Opponents of the study’s sugges- ning Panel, Cllr Derrick Ashley, says tions cite underdeveloped infrastruc- that the study published a projection ture and the potential for overcrowd- of long term growth and development ing as “highly undesirable”. to be considered in conjunction with Cllr Allan Crystal, the Liberal Dem- other evidence and a 12-week public ocrat EERA Planning Panel leader, consultation period. A spokesman spoke of the danger of “pressurising for the assembly emphasised the pro- existing towns” and the possible con- visional nature of the proposals: “the sequences of a lower standard of liv- report does not mean that Cambridge ing for the residents and workers of should double in size,” Simon Mee- Cambridge if healthcare, education cham said. and transport facilities are unable to “The study is one set of information be adequately expanded. Hundreds protest against Israeli aggression in Gaza for the EERA to consider, alongside Cllr Crystal suggested that sustain- reports from groups like the Forestry ability and regeneration could be bet- round 500 people took the streets of Cambridge on Saturday to protest against the Israeli occupation of Palestine. Shouting Commission and the Department for ter achieved by building designated slogans such as “Occupation is a crime, Israel out of Palestine,” the demonstration, organised by the Stop the War Coalition, Environment, Food and Rural Af- eco-towns afresh that are inherently tookA place only hours before Hamas announced a week-long ceasefire in Gaza. The protesters collected signatures calling for the fairs.” self sufficient rather than creating “un- Israeli ambassador to be expelled from the UK and demanding an immediate halt to arms’ sales to Israel. The group marched Commenting on the potential en- sustainable pepper-pot developments” through the city centre before returning to hear speeches from the Cambridge University Islamic Society, among others. vironmental consequences of imple- peripheral to a busy city centre. Varsity Profile »Week 2: Christopher McGeever, magician and Trinity third-year

hris McGeever has just retrieved and walk through how to perform my card, the ten of spades, from them. (He also reports on these classes Cthe middle of a deck of cards, just by for the in-house magazine, the Magic clicking his fingers. He even bends the Circular.) But what he learns from most card before replacing it in the pack, and is his own practice. He tries to spend 4 it still appears on the top: as soon as he “a minimum” of 40 minutes every day The age Chris first performed a trick clicks, the top card bends crisply in the practising, just to “keep sharp”. The key, middle. Close-up magic surely doesn’t he says, is “playing around” to find new get more impressive than this. ways of making his tricks more impres- Except that the ten of spades, which sive. I signed with a permanent marker so His “first love” was close-up magic – that it couldn’t be switched, is now cards, coins and the like – with a small scrunched up in the heel of his shoe. audience, but he’s now focussing more 15 Chris smiles and signs the card too. “If on stage magic. “There’s a lot more minutes for an audition to join the I become famous one day,” he laughs, adrenaline pumping,” he says of his Magic Circle “you can sell it on eBay and make a for- bigger performances, though he regrets tu n e .” the fact that you “lose a bit of impact” Chris has been performing magic because the audience is less involved. for 16 years. He started, aged four, with While in Cambridge, Chris performs a cup-and-balls trick – “it’s the oldest about once a fortnight, squeezing his magic trick in the world” – from a Paul magic in around the last year of his Daniel’s magic set. It wasn’t until he was law degree at Trinity. Next month he 40 15 that he joined the Young Magicians’ is performing a big solo stage show for minutes of practice every day Club, the youth branch of the prestig- Cancer Research. But he really comes ious Magic Circle. At 18, the minimum into his element during May Week: last age to join the Circle proper, Chris was year, he performed at a different ball accepted as a member. Most applicants each night. are turned down, either after an initial After his finals this summer, he will interview or after their 15-minute audi- take a year out, though he doesn’t know tion in front of a panel of professionals. what he wants to do afterwards “I don’t 7 At the end of Chris’ audition his appli- want magic to be a career,” he says. With cation was unanimously approved. At just a hint of a smile, he continues: “But May Balls where Chris performed last year 20 he is still one of the organisation’s I think magic will probably be with me youngest members. for the rest of my life.” So how does Chris learn his tricks? Andrew Bellis Partially, he says, through the Magic Chris is performing a show in aid of Circle’s teaching programme – it holds Cancer Research UK on Friday, Febru- weekly “lectures” in London, where ary 6th at Anglia Ruskin. Tickets on sale

Sean jones magicians show off their latest tricks from the box office: 0845 196 2320 Friday January 23rd 2009 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 7

St John’s offers students wine-tasting after Formal row Cambridge series of complaints about the quality another boycott, but was outvoted by ficult. Nat Sokolova of wine served. students who are happy with St John’s The JCR President, Tom Chigbo, Spies St John’s has offered a series of con- The College has already let students purchasing and serving the wine and said that St John’s had studied simi- cessions to students after complaints choose between red and white wine, only demand the practical issues to be lar changes made in other Colleges, about its controversial restrictions on though it sometimes still runs out of dealt with. particularly at Churchill, and were wine at Formal Hall. red during a meal. The JCR will suggest to the Master trying hard to avoid making the same The JCR will also propose further Some students don’t find this com- that two different menus are issued for mistakes. Chigbo suggested that the changes in its meeting with the Master promise satisfying. Stuart Moore, a each night, one with the wine option reforms at John’s could form a blue- on Tuesday. postgraduate at the College, wrote an and without it, which the students will print for changes to other Colleges’ The College will now offer a wine- open letter to the Master, saying that receive in exchange for their ticket Formals. tasting sessions for students, promis- he would not pay his Kitchen Fixed upon entering Hall. This way, “steal- “If the changes in St John’s prove to ing to buy the most popular wines to Charge while the restrictions con- ing wine from peers,” as some students be successful, other Colleges are very serve in Hall. The move comes after a tinued. He asked the JCR to initiate have called it, will be made more dif- likely to follow,” he said.

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Why Darwin Matters Jonathan Birch Cambridge alumnus Charles Darwin is regularly regarded as the father of biology and one of the greatest scientists of all time. 2009 is the bicentenary of his birth, and Jonathan Birch questions whether his ideas are really the most important thing about him.

istorians don’t consider them- gling over the implications of his the- idea. Indeed, it’s arguably mislead- was born. Darwin is not the author increasingly to withhold belief in God Hselves in the business of hero- ory: if you aren’t tired of hearing the ing to call evolutionary theory his of modern evolutionary theory, and in later life, he preferred the neolo- worship, but for Charles Darwin they story yet, you will be by the end of the idea, though his causal contribution to credit theories to the first person gism “agnostic” to the more confron- almost make an exception. year, when Cambridge’s celebrations to modern biology is not in doubt. to contribute ‘significant’ work is a tational “atheist”. In the 150 years since the pub- will have reached their apotheosis Darwin grew up in a culture where dubious practice. So is he really the Darwin’s work is a testament to the lication of the Origin of Species, and Paul Bettany will be re-enacting evolution was, so to speak, in the air. ‘father’ of biology? value of perseverance and painstak- academia’s ‘Darwin industry’ has Darwin’s life in cinemas. Darwin is In the early decades of the nineteenth I think so – but not because of his ing e ort. Lucky enough to have the spawned libraries full of biographi- the ‘father’ of biology, the exemplary century, Britain’s genteel community idea. inherited wealth necessary to avoid cal detail and textual interpretation. ‘great scientist’. But what did one man of wealthy scienti c enthusiasts dedi- paid work, he lled his time with Elements of Darwin’s biography have do to earn such epithets? cated much time and ink to combat- science. He was a careful and reached the status of legend in the Individuals vary. eir traits are ing the radical French evolutionism gi ed writer, and his popular imagina- heritable. Some individuals repro- of Lamarck and Geo roy. In 1844, bewildering tion: the Beagle duce more successfully than others, evolutionary controversy exploded in voyage, the and the traits of these individuals are Britain with the anonymous publica- Galapagos better represented in the next genera- tion of Vestiges of the Natural History nches, tion. Over millions of years, by means of Creation, an ambitious speculation the of ‘natural selection’, or “the preserva- telling of the progression of life up a Darwin 20-year tion of favoured races in the struggle chain of being from spontaneously was vener- wait for life”, species evolve. is is Charles generated simple organisms through ated long be- before Darwin’s big idea, but, increasingly, it to mankind. fore the notion of publish- is our idea too: in the hands of a cen- e growing fossil evidence of natural selection had ing, the tury of popularisers from T.H. Huxley extinct life forms needed an explana- acquired the widespread religious to Richard Dawkins, it has been held tion, and such theories lled a niche. acceptance it enjoys wran- alo as the crowning glory of the Darwin did for the study of life what today. He was given a Western scienti c enterprise, and our Charles Lyell, his friend and inspira- state funeral, celebrated best explanation for why we exist. tion, had done for geology. Lyell pro- as a genius, venerated on Russian biologist eodosius posed the ‘uniformitarian principle’: his rst centenary, largely Dobzhansky’s slogan that “nothing that the geology we see today is best by people who judged his in biology makes sense except in explained by small, currently-active central hypothesis to be wrong. It attention to detail in the the light of evolution” has become forces acting over staggeringly long was his personal virtues, his fatherly study of barnacles, of botany, a catchphrase for the contempo- periods of time. When Darwin set o qualities no less, that earned him the of domesticated animals, and of fancy rary study of life; and this shows on the Beagle, lled with Romantic reverence he continues to receive. pigeons in the groundwork for the how the impact of evolutionary dreams of nding unifying laws of Darwin is portrayed as the iconic Origin upheld his overt commitment theory extends outside the nature a er reading Alexander von ‘gentleman of science’: wise, moral, to the ‘inductive method’. In the code textbooks: it embodies an ide- Humboldt’s travelogues, he took conscientious, companionable and of nineteenth century men of science, ology of science, the belief Lyell’s book along with him, and took modest. And no amount of industrial this amounted to the imperative that that, through constructing his principle to heart. historical research has disproved the obsessive fact collection must come mechanistic accounts of Darwin’s theoretical innovation hypothesis that really did live up to before speculative theorizing. the causal history of living was a not the idea of evolution but a these attributes. In later life, he mentored count- things, we shed light on new mechanism for its occurrence. When allies like Ernst Haeckel less botanists through correspond- the secrets of the world. A very speculative mechanism, of defended natural selection through ence. Down became the hub of an In a culture in which course, and scientific objections to brash confrontation, Darwin advised international network of botanical the spirit of Enlighten- his theory were warranted and wide- them against it. While Huxley, knowledge. Darwin’s enterprise was ment is tainted with spread. Why should advantageous ‘Darwin’s Bulldog’, forcefully took the truly collective, and the many friends the guilt over what traits spread through the popula- argument for evolution to its critics, he made in scienti c circles ensured followed, in which tion? Wouldn’t they end up diluted, Darwin (for reasons of health and his immaculate reputation. Darwin’s science is associated swamped by the prevailing disad- modesty) con ned himself to his theory of evolution was the rst as much with atom vantageous traits? How did these home at Down, Kent, where he lived deemed respectable by the genteel bombs and CFCs traits arise at all? And could com- with his devoutly Unitarian wife, scienti c community because the as with human plex traits really develop like this? Emma. When correspondents asked man behind it was respected. e progress, Darwin’s The twentieth century culture of Darwin if his theory was incompat- virtues that earned him this status theory is the case laboratory testing and mathematical ible with Creationism and other continue to impress and inspire his for the defence. modelling expanded, quantified and Christian beliefs, he gave guarded disciples today. But it would reinforced Darwin’s ideas to answer replies, professing to be “muddled” be misleading to such questions; it is largely through by the matter. Despite his doubts on Jonathan Birch is a postgraduate think Darwin’s the work of 1930s scientists such as questions of religious doctrine, he researcher at the Department of status derives J.B.S. Haldane and R.A. Fisher that continued to support his local par- History and Philosophy of Science, entirely from his today’s ‘modern synthesis’ theory ish church—and though appearing University of Cambridge. Comment Editor: Robert Stagg Friday January 23rd 2009 10 Comment [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Foreign Charlotte Correspondence Runcie Fishy Terminology Cambridge goes all over the world in a The latest ‘animal rights’ stunt is the most absurd yet riot of semi-imperialist journalism was eating salmon in Queens’ but- the rest of the world. ey think that making my aqua-pussy I had to close Of course, making fun of PETA Itery when I heard about PETA’s all animals, from the tiny ant to the the browser window in case I got is like shooting sh in a barrel (ha). (People for the Ethical Treatment of elephant, are exactly the same as hu- nightmares. PETA, you made me sh- ey’ve lost a lot of sympathy for their Animals) decision that sh need a mans, with the same thought process- phobic. ever more absurd and o ensive cam- name change. es, feelings, and aspirations. ey think Since I started researching those paigns, and I’m According to their website, “when Bambi was a documentary. So, while adorable sea kittens, I’ve learned that willing your name can also be used as a verb these campaigns make perfect sense when sh aren’t smelling your blood that means driving a hook through to PETA, the rest of us have a mental and dragging you out with the your head, it’s time for a serious image block that stops us being persuaded by tide, they’re bullying, mu- makeover.” What do they suggest as a this recurring line of argument. tilating, and eating replacement? ‘Sea Kitten’. Because, ap- Most of us think that animal welfare each other. parently, “who could possibly want to is secondary to human welfare, and put a hook through a sea kitten?” realise that given half a chance a lot of Week 2: Israel/Lebanon e rst time I read about this I animals would have us for breakfast. thought that PETA had n a l l y mas- Calling a grizzly bear a ‘forest puppy’ ews of the cease re between tered irony. I thought they were saying wouldn’t make it any less likely to rip Israel and Hamas will not only that it doesn’t make sense to project o your legs, just as calling a shark a Ngive relief to those in Israel and emotions and characteristics onto ‘sea kitten’ won’t make it any safer to Palestine, but also those in the sur- some animals and not onto others, and go back in the water. rounding region. News of rocket that to use some animals as pets and PETA even has a little Flash game re from the South of Lebanon into others for eating is hypocritical. But on their website where you can play Israel was a terrifying reminder of this analysis collapses fast when you with di erent kinds of Disney-style the fragility of Israel’s neighbours nd out more about their campaign cartoon sh in an attempt to make you I’ve and the ease with which the vio- and realise that they don’t think an- see them as cute and cuddly instead learned lence could spread. thropomorphising house pets is bad. of slithery and weird. You choose a that the most During the summer of 2008 I ey just want us to do it to sh too. I type of sh and dress it up with dinky complex mental spent two months learning Arabic should have known. clothes and accessories. ese include processes a sh has are in Beirut, despite the Foreign Of- For years PETA has kept busy mak- some generic items like a leather those concerning exclusion. If we ce’s o cial advice against travel ing itself look stupid and giving intelli- jacket, make-up, and a tiara, and then do have something in common with there. ere were still signs of the gent vegetarians a bad name. is most some more speci c ones: whiskers, cat them, it’s certainly not unconditional 2006 July War, when Israel bombed recent campaign should really be taken ears, a ball of wool, and a litter tray. love or a fondness for long walks. Yet to bet that Lebanon following the capture with a pinch of sea salt, given the fact When I was playing this game, I PETA persists: they want us to think as a result of this of two of its soldiers by Hezbol- that, previously, PETA has memorably noticed two things. Firstly, the more it’s as inexcusable to eat caviar as it is latest one people are much lah. e deafening noise of the exhibited a naked pregnant woman in you try and make a sh look like a cat, to torture a hamster. But their argu- more likely to go ‘sea kittening’ of construction sites woke me up each a cage to highlight the plight of farmed the more of a freakish inter-species ment deletes itself; you can’t tell people a weekend than they ever were to go morning long before I wanted, and pigs. On Mother’s Day. Spotting the mutant you create, and the more you that sh are worth valuing, and then angling. If PETA want to be taken the accompanying dust made wear- logic in that one is a challenge in itself, have the urge to put it out of its misery. remove all their shy characteristics seriously, they need to re their PR ing ip- ops a nightmare. but that’s nothing compared to the Secondly, I noticed the cartoon sea kit- to replace them with features from a guy. I reckon we should do them a For breakfast on my rst morn- time they compared eating meat to the ten’s eyes followed my mouse around di erent, cuter animal. PETA is doing favour and rebrand them ‘land sharks’. ing, my grandfather and I went to Holocaust. the screen in a way that bordered on sh just as much of a disservice, in a Maybe it’ll endow them with some buy some eggs. A er purchasing PETA thinks in a di erent way from the predatory. Before I’d even nished di erent way. pelagic brains. them through a small shop window, my grandfather announced with a grin that the vendor was “the father of a Hezbollah warlord. Good eggs though.” It took me a while to reconcile my perceptions Julie of Hezbollah as a purely militant and terrorist group with the reality Chan of their integration into everyday Voices from Gaza life. I also had to get used to the omnipresence of the military. My But how do we hear them? language course accommodation was near a prominent politician’s headquarters, so I passed four he written word is a powerful thinking about this was Je rey Gold- polemic and idiosyncratic understand- lacking real vision. Palestinians are armed men in khaki on the way to Tthing. It’s how great ideas continue berg’s commentary in the International ing of economics in order to nd the angry because the Israelis have system- class each morning, and su ered their journey through time to reach Herald Tribune. relevant bits in his thought so that I atically evicted, starved and trapped searches of all my bags of freshly us. Anything published in a respect- His main point was clear: Hamas can nish my essay. True, Marx does them in a few narrow corridors of land. purchased fruit every time I went able journal has the potential to inform is not going to be de-radicalised by say that the social class I belong to will Hamas is sincere and cannot be cowed shopping. By the end of my stay, and transform the world it enters. And bombing them into submission, nor will inevitably be blasted into oblivion. But into an unequal peace just because the however, one had decided that he when cra ed with a measure of skill, a they suddenly recognise Israel’s right I am writing about a dead guy who has Israelis have strength of numbers and wanted to help me with my Arabic piece of writing becomes so much more to exist just because they say please. He been proven wrong, from the comfort repower. It is only by suspending his language learning and seemed than just the content it contains. supports his argument with his previous of my bourgeois room in Cambridge. ethnic identity that Goldberg can bring unwilling to accept that I did not We like to believe that the informa- experience of interviewing key Hamas Goldberg regularly faces radicals who another opinion into a living room far, have a phone number. He couldn’t tive and artistic strength of a written far away. have been much older than twenty- work stem from the convictions of the However, we mustn’t forget the kind three. person that wrote it. Convictions are of manipulation that such writers have Following the Euro 2008 Final, how a pamphlet by an unexceptional “I am writing about a dead guy who has to perform. Goldberg asks questions my classmates and I realised that priest like Emmanuel Sieyès could spark that produces the reactions that he those bangs we were hearing were the French revolution, or how Siegfried been proven wrong.” wants. He slyly poses the question to a gunshots, and not reworks. e Sassoon opened the public’s eyes to the Hamas leader, “Hezbollah is doing very next morning our teacher laughed hypocrisy of the Great War. well against Israel, don’t you think?” in and explained that celebratory While keeping up with the Israeli order to get a rise out of his interviewee. gunshots were “how some people invasion of Gaza, however, I’ve come to leaders. It is in these interviews that want Jews dead and take serious action He knows Hamas bristles at compari- celebrate around here”. realise that all we have is a very at idea, you see a not inconsiderable degree of to achieve their goals. sons with Hezbollah’s perceived success During my time in Beirut I met a romantic caricature, of the writing schizophrenia. I suppose it takes a rock-solid belief and wants to record their irritation. few with warm attitudes towards process. Writers aren’t always trying to Goldberg is an ex-Israeli Army prison that no matter how far apart your is kind of writing is a mad and Israel, although there was a strong weave their beliefs and their reality into o cer, but he has had to talk to so many convictions are on the spectrum of complex process. A lot of the time, war-weariness and a suspicion of poetry. A lot of the time, they have to people bent on the destruction of a opinion, they are based on a chaotic but you’ve got to put your own convictions Hezbollah. My teachers simply represent other people. And the prob- people that he identi es with. It must be undeniable reality. at’s one reason aside, no matter how strong they are wanted to get on with their lives, lem with other people is that you hardly very trying maintaining your profes- why writers are so important: they do and no matter how much the other guy a er having experienced years of ever agree with them. sionalism with someone who does all the research, a lot of it risky and o ends you. Writing that changes the civil war, invasions and assassina- e recent events in the Gaza Strip not hesitate to say to your face that he unpleasant, and then extract the truth world, even by a little bit, doesn’t just tions. Surely they have enough to have horri ed us with their brutality. thinks you and your people should die. that we cannot see. come from people arguing for them- recover from without being drawn Nonetheless, there is something else How can you remain objective when For example, how we cannot deny selves in a pretty-sounding way. We’ve into a war on two fronts with going on, something which has been you disagree with your subject on such that the Palestinians are an angry peo- got to remember that the eyes of every Israel. going on ever since journalists’ pens a fundamental level? It’s easy for me to ple because they are a wronged people. man, woman and child see a little bit Soumaya Keynes started being the voices for those on the complain about having to si through Or that we cannot trivialise Hamas by of truth. Messy, chaotic, unbelievably other side. e article that really got me Marx’s overlong sentences, excited calling them crazy, indiscriminate and complicated, truth. Friday January 23rd 2009 Get it off your chest: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Comment 11

Spk yr brains

e Wit and Wisdom of the World Wide Web

Week 2: Bank Bailout #2

Its another world, who am I to say other than I dont care Capitilism stinks shaun, stoke on trent

There is one one man capable and skilled enough to take Britain through this recession and the timing is right for “Gordon Brown”

We must not underestimate this highly complex task and his experience and intelligence to deal with the economic challenges we now face. Elloura Coupe, London

ANNA TRENCH What is the old saying again?

In the land of the blind the one Robert eyed man is king ... or in this case PM Stagg Happy Birthday Cambridge! Tony, Wirral Can someone tell me if this is Now stop the celebrations – they’re a pointless embarrassment deflation all dressed up? jeff, watford

is it ok for the government to use ast week, the editors of this handsome has already been photographed at the impersonal, too nal. But it is being of housing to make way for King’s my stake rbs to advertise in sports Lorgan bubbled over with the milk Fitzwilliam Museum, at the Mathemati- re-authored. Do look up the University’s College Chapel. Nevertheless, they’re all especially f1 (william) than reduc- of human kindness. In their tribute to cal Bridge of Queens’ College, inside a o cial chronology, ‘accessible’ to every- a little too complicated to appear in an of- ing my taxes CUSU’s book celebrating the octocenten- measuring cylinder in the Department of one on its website. Much grand material, cial chronology, dontchathink?) Today’s tightteeny23 nial of Cambridge University, they used Chemistry, and on the brim of a Porter’s all genuinely innovative and inspiring sterile and beige focus on examinations words like “disgrace”, “pu ”, “embarrass- hat at Gonville and Caius College.” and engaging, is furnished. And then, and stress and inclusiveness are made to I heard an expression last Friday ing” and even the lacerating phrase “easy Lucky Octo. In case all the semi-lit- somewhere in the 1990s, we instead get a seem cardinal and vibrant and interest- “four meals then a riot”. As much money”. Well, I’d rather like to take that erate breathlessness and excitement has long and tedious list of various develop- ing. e pocket-book endorsement of as I hate to say this, this govt had ball on the y and compose a variation piqued your interest, Octo is a polysty- ment projects funded by various rich and dubious business interests, including the to go-ahead with today’s plan of on their theme. e University’s com- rene representation of the number ‘800’. important people. arms trade, is le unsaid. action. Because if it did not, can memorative agenda is even worse. ‘800 Years of Innovation’ and a plastic Anything seamy is carefully obviated. Cambridge University has never been you imagine the mayhem. I know It used to be said of the historian number is our uno cial mascot? I need e thickos with thicker wallets who much good at celebrating itself. (In that most areas of our society, Hugh Trevor-Roper’s reviewing style say no more. used to populate the University aren’t ad- a strong eld, William Wordsworth’s particulary over the past 12-years that he would so demolish a book that Actually, Octo might as well be the dressed. Patronage and favours and slaps worst poem is ‘Ode on the Installation under new labour has already he le people wondering why anyone o cial representative of the University’s on the back appear never to have existed. of HRH Prince Albert as Chancel- done so anyway. would write, publish or read it in the rst terribly excited and engaging campaign. Craven submissions to royal dictates are lor of the University of Cambridge’ pcpilot London place. Likewise, somebody is required Because, since all considerations of taste le unmentioned. (Some of these were – “Albert, in thy race we cherish/A to tear down and rip up the University’s and intellect have been defenestrated, we entirely worthwhile – the enforced aboli- Nation’s strength that will not perish.”) It’s political correctness gone range of “colourful streetlight banners”. might as well accept the foamy embrace tion of ‘scholastic is, by the way, is a good thing. For mad. First they comne for Prince Like the tinpot face of a regular dictator, of this adorably enumerated critter. philosophy’, this University is an institution, and Harry and now for the bankers. they’re ubiquitous. And they scream out Very little mention has been for exam- any institution that venerates its own Its not fair on anyone, particularly the most ghastly and vulgar things. ‘800 made of King’s College Chapel, ple, or existence is simply undergirding the the children who will suffer ass a Years of Engagement’ – engagement Cambridge’s most frail and the most essential fact about itself: it doesn’t result of the huge debt they will with what? ( e slogan doesn’t even numinous building. e Fit- dem- matter. Its students could and would inherit. beg a question.) ‘800 Years of Inspira- zwilliam seems largely ignored, oli- simply go elsewhere if necessary. It has tion’ – inspiring whom? ‘800 Years of except in a froth of ‘outreach’ tion no value except that conferred on it by Pedofiles will be ten timesmaybe Innovation’ – at this point, one might as exercises. e Parker its members, present and past. e great even twenty times more likely to well note that the campaign has become Library, unstinting men and women of yesteryear were not touch children if they know they self-discrediting. e real award-winner, in its inspirations, is furnished and tted with their intellec- are saddled with debt. It makes though, is ‘Transforming Tomorrow’ to be unsung. How- tual headgear by the University. Indeed, me sick to my stomach to see with the alliterative hat-tip to its own ever, the Footlights the octocentennial masturbations have what this country is coming 2. cleverness. All of these – you must have – since they produced to acknowledge this in every dreadful And to think we once had an seen them – are accompanied by a selec- Stephen Fry (everyone’s press release: Newton went here, Hawk- Empire... tion of fashionably blurred (and o en favourite plagiarist of ing went here, Tennyson went here. e honesttaxpayer, bedford incongruous) images. Oscar Wilde, who is in turn proliferation of impressive alumni-lists But, as Randy Bachman once sang, everyone’s favourite plagia- from all British universities under- I was interested to hear Gordon you ain’t seen nothing yet. Just wait rist of Matthew Arnold and scores the lack of distinctive di erence Brown`s answer to the Arch- around for the University’s introduction Walter Pater) and that bloke between them. ere is no magic in the bishop. Answer: “ I do not pass by of ‘Octo’. Dispensing my own mammali- o House – will be given a Cantabrigian air. If the University were on the other side”. No Gordon but an sweetness, I’ll let www.cam.ac.uk/800 magni cent airing. to decline and fall tomorrow, people your father should have also told explain: History isn’t exactly would remember a day when some- you... You do not build a house on “Octo is the uno cial mascot for the being rewritten. at thing slightly unusual happened. And sand. You need good solid foun- 800th Anniversary Year. We will be using sounds too then they would recall: Newton went dations to build your house. Octo in a variety of printed and online there, Hawking went there, Tennyson Jean, UK materials throughout the year. Octo went there. Inspiring indeed. The Mays 17 A literary anthology - New writing from students in Cambridge & Oxford

Call for Submissions The Mays is seeking the best and most exciting new writing and visual art in Cambridge and Oxford. All types of prose, poetry and visual art submissions are welcome; so whether you compose and illustrate on paper, write your love poems and stories on beer mats, or graffiti your visions on bus windows, we want to hear from you, and see what you have to offer. Chances are your work will find a home in The Mays 17.

You can submit up to three pieces of previously unpublished work. Writing submissions should be no longer than three thousand words. Please email us at [email protected] with ‘submission’ in the subject line.

Whether you have been published before or not, this is your opportunity to see your work in print.

Go on then, show us what you’ve got.

Deadline for submissions Friday 13 March 2009.

Call for Editors The Mays is also looking for students to join a committed editorial team of prose and poetry readers, copy editors and general support staff. We want an enthusiastic, imaginative team of editors who we can work closely with to select the best new writing and visual art from Cambridge and Oxford.

This is a great opportunity to be involved in the production of Oxbridge’s premier literary journal, so if you are at all interested please email us at [email protected] with your contact information, the position you are interested in and a brief paragraph detailing why you want to be involved.

PARK STREET • CAMBRIDGE ombay Brasserie offers an exciting fusion JOB VACANCY of sumptuous Indian food, friendly service Band a vibrant atmosphere. Bring your Theatre Manager own wine on student night or enjoy our special student meal deal. On Fridays and Saturdays The University Theatre Syndicate wish to appoint a full-time Theatre Manager for the enjoy a relaxing evening with our a la carte menu ADC Theatre for the 2009-2010 academic year. and a wide selection of wines. We can confidently recommend our Chicken Tikka Masala or Lamb Potential applicants should contact the current post-holder, James Baggaley, on Rogon Josh. [email protected] or 01223 359 547, for more information or to apply. brasseriebrasserie

DeadlineDeadline: 12pm, 9th February 2009 STUDENT NIGHT £12.50 STUDENT MEAL DEAL £10 Sunday’s Monday to Thursday PapadomBombay and Chutney Brasserie o ers an exiting Choice of Main Course,fusion Pilau Rice of and sumptuous Nan Indian Papadomfood, and Chutney SHOW APPLICATIONS Bread, Complimentary Bottle of Cobra Choice of Main Course, Pilau Rice and Nan Easter Term 2009 (330ml), Glass of friendlyWine or any Soft service Drink. and a vibrantBread, Complimentary atmo- Bottle of Cobra (330 ml), Bar Drinks from half price or Bring Glass of Wine or any Soft Drink. Bar Drinks your own Drinks from Half Price We would like to receive applications from individuals and drama groups: previous sphere. Bring your own wine on productions have been successfully staged by both college drama societies and student night or enjoy our special University-wide drama groups. Previous experience is not necessary. student meal deal. Friday and Satur- day enjoy a relaxing evening with If you have any ideas you would like to discuss, or would like further information or an FULL BUFFET LUNCH £6.95 BIRTHDAY SPECIAL application form, please contact: our a la carte menu and a wide 7 Days selectiona Week of wines. We canCelebrant con- Eat’s FREE* Claire Butcher, Production Manager Eat as much as you like! Contact us for more details Enjoy from our variousdently selection ofrecommend starters, our Chicken [email protected] main dishes, vegetables, sundries and salad. *Terms and conditions apply 01223 359 547 Tikka Masala or Lamb Rogon Josh.

Deadline: 6pm, 18th February 2009 3-5 MillersMillers Yard, MMillill Lane,Lane, CambridgeCambridge CB2 1RQ T: 01223 360409 / 07951 572 131 www.bombaybrasserie.net OPENING HOURS www.adctheatre.com Lunch: Mon - Fri 12 - 2.30pm / Sat - Sun 12 - 3pm Dinner: Sun - Thur 6 - 11.30pm / Fri - Sat 6 - 12am Friday January 23rd 2009 varsity.co.uk

THISMAGAZINE WEEK IN THE MAGAZINE: ROBIN CORMACK, OF THE ROYAL ACADEMY, ON BYZANTIUM BUN SHOP’S BACK / MYSTERIOUS GIRLS / PENGUIN BOOKS / VICTORIAN CAMBRIDGE / JAN STEEN

Photograph of the week by Charlotte Runcie

t was drizzling and the vis- “Iibility wasn’t great, so instead of the view over the city the really striking thing was the rain-soaked turrets and carvings near enough to touch. I like the darkness of the intricate stone seen up close, and how strong and permanent the building looks against the blank clouds – in a way you’re walled in, but still open to the elements. We’re so used to seeing the chapel from the Backs or King’s Parade, but here it feels like you’re right at the top of Cambridge, with one of the most famous landmarks in the world under your feet.”

If you have a potential Photo of the Week, send it (along with a brief description) to features@ varsity.co.uk. My week by Chronophage, the Corpus Clock* a locust. But not any old locust, no. I Saturday Monday Wednesday am the winged locust of the book of It’s been a stressful forty-eight hours. I think people are starting to catch People are catching on, this is a Revelations, and also a UFO, here to They ticked past so slowly it was like on to the fact that I am a UFO locust, disaster. Everyone is running past send a message to all of the rich and all I was counting every second. I de- here to herald the second coming me in terror. I give Beelzebub a call of the Freemasons that they are about cided I needed to cut loose, so I had of Christ. In the morning, a little and tell him the apocalypse is now to lose everything, as per the Book of a couple of cheeky double vodkas girl visiting Cambridge burst into or never. He tells me he’ll send the ursday Revelations. Not good news. People and Red Bull. It was still too early hysterical tears at the sight of me. I fallen angels forthwith. Devilishly Disaster, absolute bloody disaster. are going to start realising the end of to go out, so I sped up time a little don’t know whether it was my googly efficient bloke. Reading my weekly copy of Varsity the world is nigh. I’m in trouble. to 11pm. By now, everyone in the eyes, or my sharp teeth, or the fact Little do the unsuspecting people this morning, I found out that the centre of town was sufficiently pissed that I have the seal of God on my of Cambridge know, they are entering clever little Born Again Christians at Friday not to notice me go, so I hopped out head and am heralding the apoca- their eleventh hour. I looked on at the Nibirupedia have discovered my true Having slept on the bad news and had my cage and bounced along to Soul lypse, but something was not right. silly students with a mixture of hatred identity. I followed up the story, and a good hard think about it, I decided Tree. A bunch of Freemasons walked past and sorrow. As the bloke on YouTube when no tourists were looking at me, the best thing to do would be to ignore The night was going well, moving doing a secret handshake, and scowl- says, they are sheep and I am a raven- whipped out my laptop, logged onto it. A mass of gawping tourists still my wings on the dance floor, bust- ing at me. I think they are aware that ous wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s time YouTube and typed in ‘Corpus Christi came and pointed their loathsome ing some shapes; I was buzzing. But soon I shall round them up and send to meet your maker: in your case Chronophage – Mark of the Beast’. cameras at me, and blasé students then I came over a bit morose, and them packing to the eternal furnace God, in my case Dr John Taylor. I Sure enough, they have me pinned walked past untroubled by my new- hopped back to my little cage. It’s just of hell, presided over by my close wonder how many of their fathers are down. Nibirupedia are now aware that found apocalyptic status, so I gured it not fun being alone when you are a friend Beelzebub. But they carried Freemasons? I am not a grasshopper, I am in fact was no biggie. locust; we prefer to go out in swarms. on walking. *As told to Rob Peal What did the Hell’s Angel who reformed and became a born-again Christian a er a near-fatal accident say to Barack Obama? “I’m changed, weak an’ believin’.” Food & Drink Editors: J. Francis Franklin & A. Halliday Palin Friday January 23rd 2009 14 Food & Drink [email protected] varsity.co.uk

EDITOR-AT-LARGE ED CUMMING EMBRACES THE REOPENED AND REVITALISED BUN SHOP Ed at large WITH A FLOOZY AND A LOT OF BOTTLE am writing this very shortly a er in certain sexual diseases, things recur. underlife, a er its tragic closure (due to of the doubt, and arranged to meet a watching President Obama’s inaugu- ey go away and come back again. the fact that the Cambridge underlife oozy for a drink. ration,I and so am lled with ideas of A few of these are Good ings: the are many things but not particularly big I hoped this might lead to the doing renewal and regeneration, not to men- sunrise, for instance, and Marcus Tres- spenders), has risen majestically from of snogs on her, and it started brightly. I tion the thought that were I to swear a cothick. But they blanch in comparison the ashes. found a pleasing mixture of odd-looking very short, simple oath to become leader to the returns which, like taking your is is all the more ironic since it has single people, a token old bloke and of the free world in front of an television trousers o on the train, seem like a been hauled from these metaphorical a young couple engaged in sparkling, audience of two billion, I might make the good idea at the time but really end up ashes by d’Arry’s, the restaurant op- irtatious conversation. time to learn the words o by heart. Or being a bit sad and disappointing for posite which has recently hoisted itself e interior is a mishmash of modern KATY KING from much more literal ashes. ese e ciency and pleasing old-pub touches: ashes were caused by a re, the ames a bar billiards table, a sawdusted oor of which are advertised, with a self- and a jukebox all score highly in my deprecating hubris largely unfamiliar to pub aesthetic handbook, although the Cambridgeshire diners, on its outer wall jukebox was let down by the propensity in a manner which slightly conjures the of its users to select the recent Kings of image of a new Titanic being launched Leon hit ‘Sex on Fire’, which for a man with a gigantic drawing of an iceberg on a date somewhere whose sister on its side. It is the restaurant artwork business recently burned to a which dares to say “whoops, we never crisp sets an uncomfortably learn!”, and should be commended all alarmist tone. the more for it. A er a few minutes of taking But enough about d’Arry’s. In the in the ambiance, I searched for olden days the Bun Shop was frequented my oozy amongst the customers. by unpleasant old men and herd-like She was sitting with the manager, a groups of sluts and yobbos stumbling smooth young man named Jamie, who around under the inaccurate banner had already sorted her out for drinks and of ‘formal swaps’, which despite their who, if I’m honest, seemed a bit put out name o er little in the way of o ciated by my arrival. exchange but a signi cant amount of “I’m from Varsity,” I mentioned in- at least have a quick run-through with everyone involved. Take at, Halley’s legitimised date-rape and recherché mi- nocuously. the accompanist beforehand. I recall that Comet and May Week all spring to mind sogyny. It was a thoroughly unpleasant “Here’s the wine menu,” he o ered even in my Grade 3 violin exam I had a in this regard. place, to my mind, and I can’t have been immediately. quick run-through with my accompanist And as is so o en the case, inner- the only one to let out a little cheer every en there was the sound of Merlot beforehand, and that was only in front of Cambridge public houses are great time I heard of a student being thrown splashing in glass, and then it happened one person, and not to become leader of re ections of life. So as it is with the through its window by his society tie. again, and then I was asked for my PIN the free world, (and as it turned out not phoenix and Keith Richards, so it is with Not being one to let prior incarnations number. I don’t recall much of what even to pass my Grade 3 violin exam). the Bun Shop: it is back from the dead. spoil my judgment, I decided to give the happened a er that. But I do know I’ll go Anyway. Back to the piece. In life, as at once-great dolmen of Cambridge Bun Shop’s new incarnation the bene t back there, and I would do it all again. Supermarket Swept Tofu Stir-Fry IS THERE LIFE BEYOND SAINSBURY’S? STUDENTS IN THE KNOW SHARE THEIR TIPS FOR SHOPPING OUTSIDE OF THE Oil for cooking – ideally groundnut ‘BIG S’, BE IT PLUSH MARKET STALLS, AROMATIC ARAB STORES OR ROOTING IN THE DUSTBINS. 100g tofu – cubed 1 tbsp shao shing rice wine espite having some of the most sweet spinach; yams and eddoes; and bags of hazelnuts (£2.50 a pound) For a high e ort, but high kudos 1 tbsp light soy sauce attractive sta in Cambridge, fresh curry leaf for potatoes; fresh are perfect additions to a meal. ey meal, choose the sea bream (£13.11 a Root ginger – a thumb-sized knob DSainsbury’s has its downsides. Boring mangoes, unadulterated. Chutneys. also taste fresher than something kilo) from the sh stall and cook with Couple of spring onions selections, a monopoly on prices, and I recommend the gongura pickle, sitting on the supermarket shelf for a garlic, ginger and spring onions. Clove of garlic almost fetishistic delight in telling you fermented Andhradi style. e rice week. Market Square should be a port of Savoy cabbage, or curly kale what’s wrong with its produce. (Im- ’n’ spice den, with packets of instant e Cheese Stall has more variety call for all Cambridge gourmands and Rice noodles agine if we all did this. Hook-nosed, sambhar that expand the sinuses, and than any cheese fan could wish for. those who want to gain respect from but just as tasty.) Marks & Spencer is the good (Keralan) black pepper; op- Pasta dishes are improved with the their more discriminating peers. Give it a marinade, and tofu goes worse, charging the price of a small posite, the addictive sour cherry jam. Glastonbury farm cheddar (£1.38, from bland to blazin’. With this promise car for a packet of crisps and confus- e rear contains a delicatessen and 100g) which is less bland than mass Dumpster diving in mind, combine the rice wine and soy ing shortness of breath with ‘sexy ad- halal butchery; the other, aisles, an ar- Feeling peckish but poor? Has your sauce, pour it over the cubed tofu, and vertising’. Having heard the numerous ray of Iranian, Malay, Ghanaian food,. overdra been eaten away, or are you set aside. Next step, veggie prep. Chop options for supermarket shopping On the way out, try some kul ; ethically minded and disgusted by the the ginger into matchsticks, the spring Cambridge o ers rubbished, where do compact orgasms, sitting by the idea of food shopping? Either way, onion into strips, and the garlic into we turn to? ere’s no need to panic, ice-cream. Your wallet will be lighter there is an answer: check out your teeny bits. Rinse the veg and slice it into concerned reader. is week we’re tak- – prices hover between Sainsbury’s local bins. Recent hauls include fresh stir-fry friendly strips. Finally, cook the ing a lesson from Jamie O, before he and M&S – but you will be smil- bread, ready meals, and even fruit noodles according to packet instruc- sold out. Richard Dorrell shows us ing broadly, this article possibly le , and veg. On an average night a simple tions. the delights of Al-Amin supermarket absentmindedly, at the bottom of a root through the bins can yield at And now to the wok. Take a deep on Mill Road, Matilda Bathurst and shopping basket. least three days’ worth of food. breath before going any further. Get Mark Crawford go foraging for treats And in all seriousness, the surplus wok smoking hot, and pour in 1 tbsp in Market Square, and our correspond- Market Square of the shops is phenomenal. ere is oil. Add the tofu, reserving the le -over ent in the bins shows that food can be Once a supermarket has provided you enough in a couple of bins to feed all marinade. Cook for a few minutes, until got for free by those in the know. with the essentials, Market Square is the homeless in Cambridge as well as brown. Remove tofu and set aside. Re- the best place to go for a touch of local any particularly adventurous students. move crusty bits on wok bottom, then Al-Amin, Mill Rd avour. e prices for good quality produced versions. For a more Perhaps more needs to be done to put on heat and coat wok with more oil. To shop at Al-Amin is capriciously sh, cheese and fresh bread are com- sophisticated option, the pepper and distribute this huge amount of waste. Add the ginger and spring onion, then enlightening, dangerous, erotic. It is paratively cheap, due to lower over- nut covered Gruth Dhur cream cheese Perhaps Freeganism is the creed of the garlic, stirring continuously. When an instinctive experience, and not heads for the stalls. ere is also an (£1.78, 100g) are best eaten French- the future? For anyone particularly aromatic, add the greens. Cook for a well presented by print. You will advantage for eco-friendly shoppers, as style with bread, especially the crusty daring there are always the Marks and few minutes. Now add reserved mari- therefore now walk over, article in the stalls use far less packaging. pain á l’ancienne (£3.95 a loaf) from Sparks bins which require a rather nade, and then the cooked noodles and hand, and navigate with me. Go! Although you might prefer to buy the bread stall. What’s more, the pro- epic climb (I myself have never had tofu. KEEP STIRRING until warmed On the le , fruits and vegetables. staples at a supermarket, extras such prietor of the Cheese Stall has o ered the guts). Otherwise, look out for through. If you’re feeling ush, nish Stubbles of vermilion turmeric root, as fresh dates (£1.99, 1/2 pound), Pe- a 10 per cent discount to anyone who fresh bread, coming soon to a dump- the dish with a sprinkle of sesame oil, or for a sharp coconut soup; robustly ruvian asparagus (£3.50 for a bunch) comes to his stall with this article. ster near you. some toasted cashew nuts for crunch.

Who’s the coolest man in the hospital? The ultra-sound guy. Friday January 23rd 2009 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Columnists 15 Shedding Spam in Cam FOR THOSE OF YOU STILL FEELING AS BLUBBERY AS A YOUNG SEAL PUP, CLEMENTINE STOTT IS HERE TO HELP YOU SHED THOSE EXCESS FESTIVE POUNDS

Do go punting the lower arm in order to perform im- Don’t Snack Working that pole’s great for the quads, promptu bicep curls, building to sets You will risk emerging from intense deltoids and abs, you know. Soon you’ll of ten. Books: not just for brainiacs. concentration to nd desk and self be doing it topless and immortalised in liberally sprinkled with crisp crumbs endless tourists’ photo albums. Do goad the homeless and half-masticated jammy dodgers. Transform a gentle jog round Parker’s Unpleasant. Do cycle Piece into interval training. Find a Turn that daily cycle ride to the Sidg- good-humoured tramp on a nearby Don’t wear full lycra regalia wick Site into a high-octane resistance bench, nick his can of Special Brew is applies even if you’re really t. Competition workout: whack the gears up as high and sprint 300 yards. Repeat x10. Especially if you’re really t, in fact; no- as they’ll go, load your basket and one likes a show-o . Each week we set a di erent crea- panniers with heavy objects Do be late tive writing exercise. e person who and power your way Set your alarm half an hour later in the Don’t believe the hype submits the winning entrance has over Orgasm Bridge. morning. You’re really going to have Swimming is an overrated form of their story printed in the next week’s Repeat x20. to bust a gut getting to that supervi- exercise. It’s pricey, there is nowhere to Varsity, and is rewarded with two free sion on time. hide the unexercised body and children tickets to an ADC eatre show. Do go to the wee in that water, and probably worse. JANE HALL library Do Dance Put those Rev up your dull dance moves Don’t forget the iPod Week 2: Villanelle. A villanelle is a nineteenth-century French form weighty tomes by cunningly incorporating a Listening to music whilst exercis- divided into 5 stanzas of 3 lines each, rhyming ABA, and a nal quartet on your shelf to series of high-intensity squats ing can drown out the ‘ow ow stop’ rhyming BBAA. It must have two repeated lines. e same line of verse is good use. Stack and lunges into the repertoire. voices in your head. For high impact used for lines 1, 6, 12 and 18. Another line is repeated at lines 3, 9, 15 and a selection of So Wednesday night at Cindies, exercise, anything with 135-165 beats 19. e repeated lines should rhyme with each other. your heaviest a packed dance oor and per minute is ideal. Something called volumes on you, ripping it up and ‘Harda Flava’ by someone called Mud- Winner: toning that tush. blood comes highly recommended by tness experts, apparently. Tridentine Villanelle Between the sky, the hills, the lanes and hell Don’t panic Are slim, sloped layers: between those humans hear Consider the wisdom of Epictetus, who Songs and warnings, a single chapel bell. recommended we “conduct ourselves in life as at a feast”. And Bernard Shaw: Heavy brazen clappers on brass curves tell. “ ere is no love sincerer than the love Twelve wights walk in, one black robe at the rear – of food.” Temper with the sage advice Between the sky, the hills, the lanes and hell of Miss Piggy, “never eat more than Stalls make a wooden corridor; a shell you can li ,” and you’ll be just ne. Of old pink stones, thin windows, tries to steer Songs and warnings, a single chapel bell. Most here stay quiet, still: they cannot tell When to mumble or kneel: gone is the fear Between the sky, the hills, the lanes and hell, Which in dead centuries before He fell, Taught them the signals, the saint’s hymned career: Songs and warnings, a single chapel bell, e ba ing solitude of Living Well, Vile body starving, holding his soul near Between the sky, the hills, the lanes and hell, Songs and warnings, a single chapel bell. MISSION: TO DELVE INTO CAMBRIDGE’S SECRET ORIFICES. Hugh Burling WEEK 2: THE CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY CONSERVATIVE ASSOCIATION Runner-up: ot so long ago, I found myself to a state school, yah know?” tions. Namely: who? ensconced in the bar of the Cam- Worse was to come. Towering over “Oh, don’t you know?” e pained Villanelle bridgeN Union. As I embarked on my the cluster of chortling minions round smile became a frosty smile. is is the time to turn around, to try – quest to fuck myself senseless through the bar came the big beasts of the herd; “No. I know I seem like I belong here, He didn’t want to hear that once he’d grown, the ingestion of Bombay Sapphire, I more waddling penguins with silver bells but this all took me rather by surprise. I He realised it was possible to lie. awaited some unwitting companions. and tankards and swagger sticks. is was only here for a drink...” In younger days he stole advice with pride Not friends, as such; rather, the drunken stampede was making me feel twitchy. “He’s the Earl of Onslow.” He swelled at being included and he thought, a ermath of a Cambridge University Time for a drink, and a mingle. at explained a lot. Su ce to say: “ is is the time to turn around, to try” Conservative Association dinner. Amidst the sticks and the snobs, the when they abolished the hereditary Why, you might ask? You would, it port and the prats, lumbered one very peers, he stayed. And, it seems, devel- Stole coins for the girl from passers-by will later become apparent, be entirely special reason for that drink. Fat and red, oped a cracking new sideline in educat- (When caught at last – “I’m sorry, but ‘cos I…” wise to do so. Curiosity. Curiosity and covered in abby walrus blubber masked ing the impressionable about just how He realised it was possible to lie). a bet. Some friends of mine recently only by a voluminous cape and chain, the country should be run. By him, I What cracked him eight years on was a goodbye challenged my long held belief that the a man of advancing years wobbled into think the gist was. When Emma ( rst one ever) changed her mind: Young Tories could ever be anything view, beads trickling down his expansive I stumbled outside to drag on a “ is is the time to turn around, to try but slimy Union hacks sliding their forehead. Undergrads in owing crepe cigarette and nd some calm. Instead, way up the greasiest pole to a uniquely dresses and stained dress shirts billowed I found a pair of red faces wreathed in to meet another, try a di erent kind bigoted summit. So, we went to nd a around him, clamouring to be squinted plumes of cigar smoke. A drawl sounded of way of living” / “True” was his reply – proving ground for our argument. ey at myopically through the monocle from within this pall, to the e ect that He realised it was possible to lie. to a meeting, I to where posters dotted crammed comically into one eye. one of the faces felt the Americans were around the Union indicated they might Who was this end? Why was he in for a terrible shock if they thought So now he lies, wet eyes, and wonders how If every time’s the same, you know that now be drunk. Drunks are more honest. dressed in that outlandish manner? Obama would do any good. Fancy that, i s is the time to turn around, to try? First came the vanguard. Enter the Why was he perspiring into my gin? ever hoping for change? Why, it’d never He realised it was possible to lie. clowns. Penguin-suited public-schoolers, I launched myself at one of the bil- be any good unless they bloody well got Stephanie Davin blotto to the eyeballs on port and bawl- lowing dresses. Its occupant will remain o their fat arses and did some work ing for more tumbled in and dived for nameless; but for the curious… second instead of chewing burgers all day. Next week’s competition: Take a piece of art as the starting point for a short story of strutting space. A swarm of slick young year, Newnham, sits on some committee e other face agreed. about 600 words. Go to Kettle’s Yard or the Fitzwilliam Museum, and nd a picture things milled at the bar, slurring their or other, badly faked southern accent. It was too much. I didn’t even bother or sculpture that fascinates you. Might its characters have a story which could be way through a stream of vapid sneers. Ignoring the pained smile of one who to protest, just wandered o into the expressed in words, or does it evoke an atmosphere you’d like to recreate? Send sub- Two hu ed their way past my table as if clearly doesn’t want to be seen with night. When the revolution comes missions to Colette Sensier at [email protected] by 9am on Monday 26th for the it weren’t there. Said one in white tie to the sort of plebeian who wears a shirt around... chance to win two tickets to the following week’s ADC main show, and see your work another in black, “You look like you went without even a cravat, I pressed my ques- ...I’ll show them what change means. printed in our next issue. A horse walks into a bar. e barman says, “Why the long face?” Fashion Editors: Kate Womersley, Alice Newell-Hanson & Katy King Friday January 23rd 2009 Friday January 23rd 2009 Contribute to Varsity Fashion: 16 Fashion [email protected] varsity.co.uk varsity.co.uk [email protected] Fashion 17

Alexandra wears trousers, Ark Vintage; jacket, loafers, both Topshop. Opposite page: Phoebe wears harem pants, Zara; loafers, bowler hat, both Topshop; jacket, stylist’s own. Make-up by Bobbi Brown, John Lewis, Cambridge. Styling by Alice Newell-Hanson & Kate Womersley. Photography by Katy King.

harlie wears red trousers, model’s own; waistcoat, Oxfam. CAlex wears shirt, Save the Children; trousers and vest, model’s own. Lara wears dress, ‘See by Chloe’ at Giulio; belt, ‘Miu Miu’ at Giulio; tights, Tabio; boots, model’s own. Isabel wears dress, ‘Temperley’ at Giulio; boots, model’s own. 50% sale on now at Giulio. ake-up by Natalie Castro and Ley Tsang using MAC. MAC will be available from MarchM at Unit 23, St Andrew’s St., Cambridge. For more information on MAC please visit www.maccosmetics.co.uk. Want something listed? Friday January 23rd 2009 18 Listings [email protected] varsity.co.uk the Varsity Week The comprehensive guide to the next seven days.

Theatre Music & Nightlife Art & Classical Talks & Events Film

Friday 23rd & Saturday 24th Friday 23rd Ongoing Exhibitions Friday 23rd Che: Part One Ongoing: The Fiver Meets Radar Fitzwilliam Museum (free): ‘Darwin’s intellectual development’ Arts Picturehouse Cosi Fan Tutte The Junction 1: 7pm (£5 adv.) • Sir Sydney Cockerell and The Fitz Lady Mitchell Hall: 5.30pm (free) Daily: 3.30pm Suitcase Cabaret The best local talent comes to the (until March 17th) Harvard University’s Janet Browne Biopic about everyone’s favourite Beauty Junction for a night of rock action • Picasso Prints – Dreams and Lies continues the lecture series celebrating T-shirt star and Argentine revolu- Read reviews for Beauty and and mayhem. (until February 8th) ‘The Origin of the Species’ author’s tionary. Suitcase Cabaret on p24-5. Kettle’s Yard (free): 200th anniversary. Sunday 25th • The roundhouse of international Frost/Nixon Henri Oguike Dance Company Resurrection spirits (until March 15th) Arts Picturehouse Arts Theatre: Friday only, 7.45pm The Place: 9.30pm (£3) Scott Polar Research Institute (free): Daily (not Sun): 12.45pm, 3.20pm, (£10-22.50) The Place to be for Sunday night • John Gale & Sons (until February 6.10pm, 8.50pm This anniversary performance will clubbing. 14th) Sun: 1.30pm, 4pm, 6.30pm, 9pm showcase some of the best material • British Antarctic (Nimrod) Expedi- See POTW. of the last ten years by award-win- Tuesday 27th tion, 1907-9 (until April 4th) ning choreographer Henri Oguike. The Streets Milk Corn Exchange: 7.30pm (£17.50 Arts Picturehouse adv.) Saturday 24th Daily: 12.45pm, 6.10pm, 8.50pm Tuesday 27th Rachmaninov, Beethoven and Chopin Orfeo Cheeky Mike Skinner brings his A gala week for American political Churchill Recital Room: 8pm (£4/£2) ADC: 7.45pm, Saturday matinee band to Cambridge in support of movies. Sean Penn is Harvey Milk. Pianist Tatiana Dardykina comes to 2.30pm (£7-£12) his fourth album Everything Is Harvey Milk is gay. This is the ‘70s perform at Cambridge having just See POTW. Borrowed. Expect UK hip hop - people ain’t down with that. finished completed studying at the anthems and geezerish banter. Birmingham Conservatoire’s highest Footlights Smoker Slumdog Millionaire level. ADC: 11pm (£5-£6) Wednesday 28th Arts Picturehouse With last term’s Smokers produc- Remixology Contact Picturehouse: showings at ing such crackers as “Why does Soul Tree: 10pm (£3 before 11/£4 Sunday 25th various times daily, you won’t have Fitzwilliam Chamber Series 1 Karl Marx drink green tea? Be- after) to wait long. Fitzwilliam Auditorium: 8pm daily cause proper tea is theft”, this is Dance music combined with a Good-looking, faux-Bollywood (£4) one not to miss: book hugely early Rowdy Pirate night? How can you sleeper hit from Danny Boyle. See Fitzwilliam’s distinguished ensemble- to avoid huge disappointment. say no?! CUSU Ents team up with last week’s Varsity for review. in-residence present four quartets by Soul Tree to bring you the best Joseph Haydn, spanning his entire Saturday 24th Protein Dance midweek night out in Cambridge Man with a movie camera Waltz With Bashir compositional career. The Junction: 8pm (£6-£12) (apart from Cindies, obv). Old Labs, Newnham Gardens: 8pm Arts Picturehouse Energetic physical theatre, com- (free) Sat: 1.15pm edy, and satirical comment all Jeremy Warmsley n.e.r.d.i. presents Dziga Vertov’s 1929 Superlative animated feature on collide in this evocative explora- The Portland Arms: 8pm (£6 adv.) film (above): at once a documentary the 1982 Sabra and Shatila mas- tion of human nature. The singer-songwriter and one of of a day in the life of the Soviet Union, sacre. Transgressive Records’ best-kept a documentary of the filming of said Wednesday 28th secrets tours after the release of his documentary, and a depiction of an The Wrestler Breakfast at Night new album How We Became. Bril- audience watching the film. Vue ADC: 11pm (£4-£6) liant electronica pop. Daily: 1.10pm (except Sun) Tune in to Channel YES for Break- Monday 26th Fri/Sat only: 11.00pm fast at Night, the morning show Thursday 29th ‘It is to do one’s best to look without Down-and-out Mickey Rourke for people who are not awake in Buzzcocks laughing’: the spectacle of the kanga- makes a big comeback by playing the morning. This is exciting new The Junction 1: 8pm (£15 adv.) roo in late eighteenth-century London a down-and-out wrestler making writing from Matt Bulmer, Liam Everyone knows that ‘Ever Fallen Department of History and Philosophy his big comeback. A Golden Globe Williams and Daran Johnson. In Love?’ is an undisputed classic, of Science: 1pm (free) in the bag and quite possibly an Runs until Saturday 31st. but their back catalogue is full of Fan of Georgian marsupials? Here’s Oscar on the way. See our review punk gems: check them out as they the talk you’ve been waiting for. on p27. The Immortal Stone: Chinese jades Pressure Drop perform their first two albums in from the Neolithic period to the twen- The Junction: 8pm (£3-6) their entirety. St. John’s Film Society tieth century Wednesday 28th Dance Offensive in collaboration with Public open evening Sunday 25th: 7/10pm Fitzwilliam Musuem: until May 31st Leo Kay of Madrugada offer their R*E*P*E*A*T Presents Bokaata Institute of Astronomy, Madingley The Bourne Identity Spanning a huge time period, the Fitz trademark mix of hip hop, martial The Portland Arms: 8pm (£15 adv.) Road: 7pm (free) brings out its collection of Chinese arts and physical theatre. Runs until A night of indie pop punk from The Institute opens its doors to the Thursday 29th: 9pm jades, from Ming animal sculptures to Thursday 29th. some local favourite bands. public to let you gaze to the skies. Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging 19th century fakes.

Monteverdi’s Orfeo Frost/Nixon Tuesday 27th From Friday 23rd ADC: 7.45pm, Saturday matinee 2.30pm Arts Picturehouse: daily, 12.00 (not (£7-£12) Wed), 2.30, 6.45, 9.15 Have you ever wanted to join Or- Disgraced American President meets pheus as he tries to rescue his wife wholesome British talk-show host in Euridice on his perilous journey to this slick Watergate-themed produc- Pluto’s realm? Now is your chance as tion. Film based on the play based Fitzwilliam Chamber Opera & Cam- on the TV show based on the juiciest bridge University Baroque Ensemble political scandal ever seen. Coming singers bring you Monteverdi’s rarely from The Last King of Scotland writer staged 1607 opera. Runs until Satur- Peter Morgan, this looks promising: see day 31st. next week’s issue for our review.

How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Cortisone monkeys. Friday January 23rd 2009 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Arts 19 Pick up a Penguin THE ROYAL MAIL HAS JUST NAMED THE PENGUIN PAPERBACK A BRITISH DESIGN CLASSIC. LAURA FREEMAN MEETS AWARD-WINNING PENGUIN DESIGNER CORALIE BICKFORD-SMITH TO TALK ABOUT KNIVES, ROBINSON CRUSOE AND REINVENTING AN ICON

oralie Bickford-Smith has two success of the magenta and burgun- The books’ black-and-white an unlikely source: sunlight paper, a Cmottos. The first is “stop design- dy Andersens opened Penguin’s eyes illustrations are set against Techni- children’s stocking-filler (true to her ing, start playing”, and the second to an apparently renewed desire for color backgrounds that don’t pander motto, Coralie stopped designing is “make a big mess”. And a fine beautiful, cloth-bound books among to any notion of a ‘blokeish’ colour and started playing). By their proper mess she has made too in the freshly the members of the reading public – scheme. There’s that macaroon-pink name, these are cyanotypes – a pho- painted Penguin offices overlooking books as covetable collectors’ items Treasure Island, an Around the World tographic process in which objects the Thames. When I arrive, a mass of rather than unremarkable vessels for in Eighty Days decked hardbacks and paperbacks are spread a little light reading. Fresh from her out in parachute across the table: a fuchsia Treas- fairy-tale success, Coralie took the silk turquoise, a ure Island the colour of a Ladurée helm. desiccated, dusty macaroon, a dove-grey Wuthering Between June 2007 and June yellow for The Rid- Heights with thistles twining across 2008, Penguin published twelve dle of the Sands, the cover, a pile of Gothic Horrors paperbacks in the Boys’ Adventure and pillar-box red decked out in sinister shades of yel- Classics series, among them The for The Prisoner low, and a sumptuous three-volume 39 Steps, Tarzan, and Around the of Zenda. Coralie set of The Arabian Nights that would World in Eighty Days, swashbuckling admits to “obsessing make Sir Richard Burton weep. tales all. The set was commissioned about design” and Coralie presides over this circus of following the triumph of HarperCol- being “anal about colour like a proud ringmaster and is lins’ Dangerous Book for Boys, which finish”. She observes loath to pick a favourite. No sooner dominated the 2006 bestseller lists. ruefully, “It’s my job has she decided on The Man Who With the Boys’ Adventure Classics, to push the beauti- Was Thursday, than she transfers her Coralie’s task was immense: twelve ful finishes, and it’s affections to Crime and Punishment. books by ten different authors, set someone else’s job to No, The Spook House. No, wait, on half a dozen continents, featur- sit down and work The Picture of Dorian Gray. With ing subjects as diverse as dinosaurs, out the budget.” each new pick, the mound spreads, phy (which she studied “big time” pirates and First World War espio- In the case of the haphazard piles are assembled and at Reading), plastic kitchen utensils, nage. The challenge was to unite Boys’ Adventure dismantled, favourites are resurrect- and children’s alphabet books. these disparate stories in a cohesive Classics, the budget ed from the bottom of the heap and Coralie describes her four years series, while giving each book a clear was restricted, but Coralie’s cyanotypes litter the table at Reading with great fondness, and immediate bookshop identity. that isn’t always the top. As messes go, it is a uniquely reminiscing about her dissertation Undaunted, Coralie commissioned case. Here Coralie beautiful one. on the history of the illustration four illustrators to produce black unveils her pièce In person, Coralie is quietly of Robinson Crusoe and the fiend- and white illustrations while she de résistance, her dressed in black, shy and hesitant, ishly difficult type identification researched typefaces. She is particu- favourite favourite, but get her onto the subject of books exam. Her enthusiasm only falters larly proud of the disjointed Dada the three-volume and she is transformed. One of life’s when describing the years she spent Futurist type on the cover of G.K set of The Arabian natural enthusiasts, she falls into working on ‘Loyalty Magazines’ for Chesterton’s The Man Who Was Nights. With each paroxysms of delight over such Sainsbury’s and British Airways. The Thursday, which she relates to the set selling for £125 seemingly dry subjects as typogra- frequent flier magazine proved a novel’s central theme of anarchy and a pop, Coralie was dull and unrewarding career choice the disruption of the social order. free to indulge in and Coralie “ran away”, setting up Coralie works closely with the text all the beautiful fin- as a freelance designer. Her stint as when presented with a series such ishes she could wish a freelancer didn’t last long, though, as this, dutifully reading each book for. The elaborately and she was swiftly snapped up by cover to cover. She admits that she patterned covers, Penguin, where she has been “hap- had never read any of the Boys’ Own inspired by the tales pily stuck ever since”. Classics before working on the Ad- of Aladdin, Sinbad Elements of Style She makes it sound like a fairytale: venture Classics series, but she says the Sailor, and Ali the unhappy runaway who found a she has since been converted. “This BaBa and the Forty Happily Ever After at a major pub- one’s brilliant,” she beams, picking Thieves, were bor- 1974 Coralie born in Norfolk lishing company. She evidently has up Anthony Hope’s The Prisoner of rowed from antique Persian manu- (keys, pins, torn paper) are laid on a knack for such things. Fittingly, Zenda, “and this is fantastic,” she scripts, and are picked out in silver treated paper. The treated paper is 1998 Graduates from Reading her first great success was a volume adds as she delves into a box to and blue on fine linen paper. The then exposed to sunlight and the University with degree in of Hans Christian Andersen fairy retrieve Rupert of Hentzau. “It’s the lavishness of the set – linen covers, objects removed, leaving shadowy typography tales, published in 2004 and now in sequel.” The pile swells with every exquisite endpapers, and pristine silhouettes behind. Coralie ex- its sixth hardback new favourite. cotton spines – is a perfect masque perimented with household objects, 2002 Starts work at Penguin edition. The for the Nights. After all, what are acetate, and Photoshop to produce a Aladdin and Ali BaBa about but the series of unnerving, bleached covers. 2004 First edition of Hans TOM MORIARTY hoarding of beautiful treasures? Her efforts have not gone un- Christian Andersen’s Fairy Coralie is eclectic in her inspira- noticed. In November, she won the Tales tion. When she isn’t plundering award for Best Brand or Series Iden- Dada or Persian archives, she is tity for the Boys’ Adventure Series 2007 Publication of rst of the buying 1950s kitchenware from at the British Book Design and Pro- Boys’ Adventure Classics eBay (her own kitchen knives take duction Awards. Characteristically a star turn on the cover of Am- modest, Coralie admits she missed 2008 Publication of the Gothic brose Bierce’s The Spook House), old the awards ceremony because it co- Horrors; publication of typography books, and vintage wall- incided with her birthday. She found the Waterstone’s Hardback paper samples. “I drive my boyfriend out she had won by text message. But Classics; Coralie wins mad,” she concludes. When asked she is justifiably proud of her award, award for Best Series at the to pick an inspiring designer from which has just been delivered on the British Book Design and the Penguin archives, she nominates morning of our interview. “It’s very Production Awards Romek Marber, who worked for nice,” she tells me. “Very minimal.” Penguin in the 1960s and revamped And with that, Coralie gathers up their crime series in eye-watering, her sublime mess – the colourful electric green. hardbacks, the eerie, unsettling hor- Coralie cites Marber as the inspi- rors, the Sherlock Holmes with their ration behind her Gothic Horror acidic covers, the covetable Arabian covers. These are a darker affair, Nights, and two dozen stray cyano- confined to two hues, a ghastly blue types – and carries the hoard back to and yellow, like a corpse dredged her desk, to sit beside her really very from the river. The idea came from minimal, glass trophy. A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre. So he gives her one. Features Editor: Joe Hunter Friday January 23rd 2009 20 Features [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Prostitutes, JANE HALL Parties and Port...

...welcome to Victorian Cambridge

harles Astor Bristed, the son of an American millionaire, matriculatedC to Trinity College in 1840. At a time when Anglo- American relations were su ering, he hoped to rebuild the rapport between these jilted lovers. However, he was shocked by the loose morals and heavy drinking of his cousins across the pond. But he did nd time to admire the Cantabs’ thirst for learning and love of sport. For the rst time in one hundred years, Bristed’s memoirs of Cambridge have been published, and in a Varsity special, we print some choice extracts. Times change, people come and go, but it seems that student habits have been remarkably resilient over the passing centuries. Cambridge Nightlife

Taken from a passage describing the for the crowd and confusion, in which slight as not to disturb the studies of though their potations are sometimes acquiring learning. daily routine of a student, Bristed o ers respect the hall dinner much resembles the hardest reading man, and they take of the deepest. Some students go to Such is the reading-man’s day; as a glimpse of Victorian Cambridge’s our steamboat meals. e attendance place at a time when no one pretends to their private tutors in the evening; not to how the rowing-man passes his I nightlife. With Cindies yet to have also is very de cient and of the rough- do any work. unfrequently two or three meet in one say nothing for the present. He is the opened, and bops yet to have taken o , est sort. But some of the company are At six p.m., the chapel bell rings another’s rooms alternately to read abnormal development of the type, and the evening hours were instead lled better o . At a raised dais at one end again. e attendance is more numer- some classical author or talk prob- the consideration of his pursuits need with wine parties, chapel, strolling and of the hall the Fellows, Noblemen, and ous now than it was in the morning. On lems together – a very sociable way of not now be dwelt upon. earnest reading. Fellow-commoners are banqueting on Saturday evenings, Sundays, and Saints’ a dinner of three courses, with port and days the students wear surplices instead uring the quarter of an hour sherry, in addition to the malt liquor, of their gowns, and very innocent and preceding four p.m., the students and abundance of orderly and well- exemplary they look in them. It must comeD ocking into their colleges and dressed waiters... be owned that their conduct in chapel rooms to prepare for dinner. e is very orderly and proper, consider- academic cap and gown are resumed, ...A er Hall is emphatically loung- ing the great opportunities a orded for and the hall crowded with hungry ing time, it being the wise practice subdued conversation by the way in Undergraduates, who are not, however, of Englishmen to attempt no hard which they are crowded together when admitted within the screen until the exercise, physical or mental, immedi- kneeling. A er chapel the evening Fellows and Fellow Commoners have ately a er a hearty meal. Some stroll in reading begins in earnest. Most of the assembled. en a Latin grace is read the grounds if the weather is ne, many Cantabs are late readers, so that suppos- by two of the Dons, and forthwith the betake themselves to the Union Society ing one of them to begin at seven, he demolition of eatables proceeds. e Reading-Room to glance over the will not leave o before half-past eleven, tables of the Undergraduates, arranged newspapers and periodicals, and many thus clearing more than four hours’ according to their respective years, are assemble at wine parties to chat over consecutive work, his only intermis- supplied with abundance of plain joints, a frugal dessert of oranges, biscuits, sion being to take a cup or two of tea, and vegetables, and beer and ale ad li- and cake, and sip a few glasses of not sometimes, but not o en, accompanied bitum, besides which, soup, pastry, and remarkably good wine. ese wine by a slice of bread-and-butter. One solid cheese can be ‘sized for’, that is, brought parties are the most common entertain- meal a-day is the rule; even when they in portions to individuals at an extra ments, being rather the cheapest and go out to sup, as a reading-man does charge; so that on the whole a very very much the most convenient, for the perhaps once a term and a rowing-man comfortable meal might be e ected but preparations required for them are so twice a week, they eat very moderately

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Cambridge Morals A Modern In this candid passage, Bristed con- Comparison demns what he believes to be the moral men are obliged to be tolerably temper- failings of Cambridge students. His ate, but among the ‘rowing’ men there shocked reference to ‘Barnwell’ refers to is a great deal of absolute drunkenness bandon reigned throughout”: the village which used to be just east of at dinner and supper parties. And, after “A Cambridge wine-parties were where the Grafton Centre is now. It was making all allowance for the peculiar described as “thirty lads round a notorious for its brothels, and was a climate which admits of stronger and table…drinking bad wines”, and popular nocturnal haunt for Cam- more copious potations than ours, and “telling bad stories”, aka banter. bridge’s less upstanding students. the fact that an Englishman never drinks Sounds familiar to a modern-day before dinner, still it must be allowed that swap in Hall after about twenty young man passing as I did from there is a prevailing tendency to drink minutes of heavy pennying. But an American College immediately rather more than is altogether beneficial Bristed really should have gone Ato an English University, will certainly even among those who are never actually to Cindies (maybe actually called be astonished at some and shocked at intoxicated. In a mere physical point of Cindies in his day?). Like many of many of the diferences he notices in the view this is greatly to be regretted. If the today’s drinking society initiations, habits of those about him from what he temperate libations of our students could Bristed came across students play- has been used to consider as the proper be superinduced upon the wholesome ing such die-hard drinking games practice of students. That decanters and food, leisurely digestion, and regular (more along the lines of vingt-et-un glasses should be among the articles exercise of the English, we might expect than twenty-plus-ones) that several directly recommended by the tutor’s as the result astonishing specimens of would often lose consciousness, servant who assists him in furnishing his health and strength. and their faces would then be room – without any objection, too, from And, even with the chances which subject to “the eternal joke of being the Evangelical friend who assists him in they thus throw away, they are splendid blacked with burnt cork by those his purchases; that he should be able to instances of physical development; but who remained.” This was surely the order supper for himself and friends out unfortunately their animal passions seem precursor to Facebook rape, the of the College kitchen, and his College to be developed almost in a correspond- it; it is habitually talked of and consid- me to take a drink; and though it would consequences of which are less easy tutor, so far from appearing as a bird of ing degree. The American graduate ered as a thing from which a man may certainly be unfair to take this youth to wash off the morning after. ill omen to mar the banquet, will perhaps who has been accustomed to find even abstain through extraordinary frigidity of as a type of all Cambridge, yet, just as a But there were other, more pleasant play a good knife and fork at it himself – among irreligious men a tolerable temperament or high religious scruple, or foreigner on being invited by a Southern aspects to Trinity life, like the Classics all this seems odd to him at first, but he standard of morality and an ingenuous merely as a bit of training with reference or Western gentleman to ‘liquor’ soon reading parties. The annual Trinity readily comprehends that the system is shame in relation to certain subjects, to the physical consequences alone; but after or perhaps before breakfast, might Classics ‘reading week’ has indeed one suited to the more advanced age of is utterly confounded at the amount of which is on the whole, natural, excusable, conclude that to drink in the morning survived the test of time, continuing the students, and one which by refus- open profligacy going on all around him and perhaps to most men necessary. One was not an uncommon thing for an to the present day (this year’s being ing to make decent merriment a malum at an English University; a profligacy not of my first acquaintances at Cambridge, American, and that a tolerably large class held in Whitby). prohibitum within the College walls, confined to the ‘rowing’ set, but including the Fellow Commoner next to whom I of persons were in the habit of doing so The Trinity College motto, ‘Semper deprives them of excuse for frequenting many of the reading men and not alto- sat in Chapel, had not known me two – the proposition made to me in so off- Eadem’, means ‘always the same’. I external haunts of dissipation. By-and-by, gether sparing those in authority. There is days or spoken to me half a-dozen times hand and matter-of-course a way might wonder if seeing Cambridge today, however, as his experience increases, he a careless and undisguised way of talking before he asked me to accompany him to justify the conclusion that the practice Bristed would concur? finds that this liberty is often abused into about gross vice, which shows that public Barnwell one evening after Hall, just as was sufficiently common – as indeed Nick Chapman, 2nd-year Trinity the most shameful license. The reading sentiment does not strongly condemn quietly as a compatriot might have asked subsequent experience fully proved. Classicist The Raucous Rower Cambridge Slang

The Cambridge student’s love for need- Fast: Nearly the French expansif. A fast Bosh: Nonsense, trash, Greek phluaria. lessly inventing new words to replace man is not necessarily (like the London perfectly functional existing ones unfor- fast man) a rowing man, though the two Lounge: A treat, a comfort (an Etonian tunately seems to have a long pedigree. attributes are often combined in the same importation). Here, Bristed provides a glossary. person; he is one who dresses flashily, talks big, and spends, or affects to spend, Coach: A private tutor. ne of the first and most necessary money very freely. things to be acquired by a resident Team: The private tutor’s pupils. inO a new country is some knowledge of Seedy: Not well, out of sorts, done up; its language. Even in the few pages we the sort of feeling that a reading man has Subject: A particular author, or part have thus far gone through, terms have after an examination, or a rowing man of an author, set for examination; or a frequently occurred which required after a dinner with the Beefsteak Club. particular branch of Mathematics, such explanation; and without some insight as Optics, Hydrostatics, &c. into the Cambridge vocabulary, it would Bumptious; Conceited, forward, pushing. be impossible to describe Cambridge Getting up a subject: Making one’s self life intelligibly, or to understand a true Brick: A good fellow; what Americans thoroughly master of it. description of it. I therefore subjoin a list sometimes call a clever fellow. During his account of a drunken Trin- To hear him talk now, you would of the principal cant terms and Phrases in Flooring a paper: Answering correctly ity dinner party, Bristed describes a think his only object on earth was the use, translating them, when possible, into To keep in such a place: To live or have and fully every question in it. notable College character. He seems to Boat; working his men up the Long equivalent slang of our own. rooms there. be a type not undistinguishable from Reach at the top of their speed; run- Book-work: All mathematics that can be our present-day Formal Halls and ning round the hall after dinner to see Gownsman: A student of the University. Hang-out: To treat, to live, to have or pos- learnt verbatim from books. College bars. And his prediction of this that none of them take sizings (pastry sess (a verb of all-work.) character becoming a law lord one day is bad for the wind, say the knowing Snob: A townsman as opposed to a Cram: All miscellaneous information was completely fulfilled; he is describ- ones); prowling about in all sorts of student, or a blackguard as opposed to a Like bricks, Like a brick or a bean, Like a about Ancient History, Geography, An- ing the future Lord Denham. places, by night, and pulling them out gentleman; a loafer generally. house on fire, To the nth, To the n + 1th: tiquities, Law, etc.; all Classical matter not of all sorts of places to send them of to Intensives to express the most energetic included under the heads of Translation hat escaped-convict looking man, bed at a proper hour. Yet that rowdy, Cad: A low fellow, nearly = snob. way of doing anything. These phrases and Composition. Tnext Spedding, is the Hon. G. reckless boat-captain manages to clear are sometimes in very odd contexts. Dutton, Captain of the First Trin- his seven-hours’ reading every day, Reading: Studying . You hear men talk of a balloon going up Composition: Translating into Greek or ity. Though a peer’s son, he has come and no one stands a chance for Senior like bricks, and rain coming down like a Latin. up as a pensioner, not an unusual Classic alongside of him, except one A reading man: A hard student. house on fire. step now, the expenses of a Fellow- steady, well-trained Shrewsbury man. Original Composition: Writing a Latin Commoner being so great. He is an (Marsden and Dutton are sworn A rowing man (ow as in cow): A hard No end of : Another intensive of obvious Theme, or original Latin verses. Eironiast, like Horace, but with him friends, by the way, each worshipping case, a spreër. import. They had no end of tin, i.e. a it takes a more practical turn. There the other; so much for the evil effects great deal of money. He is no end of a Spirting: Making an extraordinary effort never is a gay boating supper party of emulation, etc.) In more thorough Shipwreck: A total failure. fool, i.e. the greatest fool possible. of mind or body for a short time. A boat’s without George Dutton. The Barnwell bodily and mental training you can- crew make a spirt, when they pull fifty girls know him well, and the Dons not conceive a man to be; and there Mild, Shady, Slow: Epithets of deprecia- Pill: Twaddle, platitude. yards with all they have left. A reading look askew at him. But the man is is no doubt of it that he will take a tion, answering nearly to the phrases, ‘no man makes a spirt, when he crams twelve always walking through the fire and high stand at the bar – probably be, as great shakes’, and ‘small potatoes’. Rot: Ditto. hours daily the week before examination. never getting burnt. Immovably capa- was his father before him, a law-lord, cious of liquor, cold and passionless some day – if there are any lords at Compiled by rob peal, from An American in Victorian Cambridge: Charles Astor Bristed’s ‘Five as Pitt or Paracelsus, he is the wonder all by that time – which there will be, Years in an English University’, edited by Christopher Stray, published by University of Exeter and the admiration of his weaker Democratic Review to the contrary companions. notwithstanding. Press, paperback £14.99; available from Heffers in trinity st.

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GeekMARCUS DU SAUTOY, THE NEWLY APPOINTED Chic CHARLES SIMONYI PROFESSOR FOR THE PUBLIC UNDERSTANDING OF SCIENCE AT OXFORD UNIVERSITY, TALKS TO ARTHUR TURRELL AND ROSIE POWELL-TUCK ABOUT HIS NEW ROLE AS A ‘SCIENCE AMBASSADOR’, STEERING THE PROFESSORSHIP, AND HIS PASSION FOR PRIME NUMBERS icycles are the only point of science. at’s why it matters. If the student asks WHY in a maths class... interconnectivity in the sciences”. He primes which are used in cryptography comparison we can nd between public aren’t interested then we are that’s quite a challenging question and paints a picture of academics from had absolutely no idea that his ideas BCambridge and Marcus du Sautoy’s going to fall behind, scienti cally, in if you don’t have a maths degree...” he di erent disciplines collaborating at would be used to protect credit cards, North London hometown. Except that the world.” trails o . When we ask him why there the various scienti c interfaces and whatever they are going to be, on the in North London, instead of bleary- When asked whether he thinks that is a shortage at all he points out that “if nding their research the richer for it. internet, whatever that is”. Insistent eyed students and bespectacled Profes- Richard Dawkins, his predecessor, you have a maths degree the number “We’ve got lots of skills and if we share on this point, he prolongs the discus- sors, we nd Hasidic Jews complete alienated people with his controversial of opportunities open to you are vast; them we can make a lot of progress”. sion to mention a favourite researcher with black hats and ringlets peddling approach, Professor du Sautoy hesitates you instantly get respect”. Teaching, He seems more comfortable talking grumble: funding. “Scienti c research,” furiously past us. Professor du Sautoy momentarily. “I think that’s probably then, must compete with all the other about the research that’s happening he begins, “should not be funded just is characteristically casual about this true,” he reveals, “but controversy can options available to graduates. in mathematics. “One of the most because one can see the commercial diversity: “I live in a very multicultural generate interesting debate and that’s interesting things recently is the solu- bene t... because then we would starve area,” he tells us. important.” Indeed, later on he suggests “THE THINGS WE LOVE tion to the Poincaré conjecture,” he ourselves of some the most important that the media hype surrounding the says, mentioning that this was one of discoveries ever made. at message,” Large Hadron Collider experiment in PLAYING WITH, RIGHT the million dollar prize ‘millennium he nods enthusiastically, “needs to be A Linear Sequence Geneva was a good thing because it got problems’ and is “important because pushed again and again.” so many people actively talking about THROUGH TO THE FUTURE it’s about the possible nature of the On parting we ask him: what hap- 1989 Completed DPhil. at All Souls’ science. People from all walks of life shape of space”. Prime numbers are his pens if the public just aren’t interested College, Oxford became interested; Professor du Sautoy OF THE PLANET, DEPEND real passion though, and the topic of a in science? Professor du Sautoy seems himself discussed it with his local ON SCIENCE. THAT’S WHY popular science book he wrote in 2003, a little down-hearted at the prospect, 2001 Awarded the prestigious football team. e Music of the Primes. “We still don’t but is expansive. “Why do you have to Berwick Prize by the London As the new Professor, however, he IT MATTERS. IF THE PUBLIC understand our most basic numbers, be interested in books? Why do you Mathematical Institute does not feel it falls within his remit to namely the prime numbers”. As he have to be interested in literature? Why continue the science-religion debate AREN’T INTERESTED THEN explains these are extremely important in music? It’s part of our cultural herit- 2003 e Music of the Primes, a which so engaged Dawkins. “What because online credit card security is age. But science is something more popular science book about I’m interested in doing,” he expounds, WE ARE GOING TO FALL based on some “rather arcane looking than that. Our planet will survive or prime numbers, is published “is talking about science: promoting bits of maths about prime numbers”. die because of science. e technology science, and explaining science.” He BEHIND, SCIENTIFICALLY, IN e point that some research is not we use relies on science.” He pauses. 2005 Made an EPSRC Senior Media confesses, however, that “probably I THE WORLD.” obviously useful outside maths is made “It’s extraordinary that people still Fellow share quite a lot in common with the and Professor du Sautoy responds don’t get it.” way Dawkins views the world. I’m an 2006 Presents the Royal Institution atheist. For me, it doesn’t make sense Christmas Lectures, entitled to talk about how the world works oth- ‘ e Num8er My5teries’ er than in a scienti c way”. But where Dawkins is absolutist in his opinions, 2008 (October) Presents a four part Professor du Sautoy is noticeably more documentary series, e Story exible and even sympathetic. He continues, “who of Maths, on BBC4 talks fondly, for instance, of an Israeli developed the (December) Succeeds Richard colleague who, as an Orthodox Jew, Dawkins as the Charles observes Shabbat but who “on the Simonyi Professor for the Public other six days of the week, is incredibly amount Understanding of Science logical and… er… we talk mathematics”. A self-proclaimed non-expert in Reclining on his vibrant pink sofa, the science-religion debate, he feels our conversation soon turns towards that it is time to “steer the profes- his new appointment as Oxford’s sorship” away from that discussion Charles Simonyi Professor for the and concentrate instead on his own Public Understanding of Science, the mathematical agenda. “Maths is the chair especially endowed for Richard language of science…almost the Dawkins in 1995. “ is job captures polar opposite end of the sciences the two things I love doing: creating from evolutionary biology.” science and communicating science,” e track record of his media he explains. He seems delighted projects is impressive; including that the Professorship allows him to the recent and popular BBC4 doc- continue doing research on “hard- umentary series entitled core, abstract mathematics” whilst at of Maths. He is aware, however, that the same time satisfying his ambition one man can do only so much as to “push people out of their comfort the ‘ambassador for science’, and zone” and enthuse them about science. that many more scientists need to Our rst impressions of Professor engage with the public on their du Sautoy are very favourable: he is areas of expertise. ere need to be both articulate and charismatic. is, lots of “mini-Marcuses”, he laughs. coupled with the guitar on his mantle- “I can’t be an expert on everything piece and the colourful painting of his you know, if someone contacts two adopted children, suggest that he me about stem cell research…” His is an approachable family man who sentence is cut short as a phone rings. couldn’t be further from the awkward Pulling an iPhone from the pocket scientist cliché. of his purple jeans he mutters, However, Professor du Sautoy is “hmm… er… let’s leave that…” serious about the importance of his Flippantly, we remark that it seems role. He is aware of the way in which to have become more acceptable to the public view science and admits be ignorant about mathematics and that it will be “a tough job” and “a chal- science than, say, literature and the lenge” to convey its true meaning to cinema. “It’s always been like that… them. But, he says, “in order to make one of the missions in my job is to political decisions and control the en- get far less people saying it ... people vironment in a positive way you need write to me from France and say to use science,” and that is why the ‘nobody would ever say they were bad public must be interested. “ e things at maths – they wouldn’t dare admit GILES SMITH we love playing with, right through it,’ it’s peculiar”. He suggests that the to the future of the planet, depend on problem starts in schools, “when a

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GEORGIE BAKER

FOREast TWO MORE MONTHS, THE ROYAL ACADEMYis IS LOOKINGWest EAST TO BYZANTIUM. ROB PEAL TALKS TO THE EXHIBITION CURATOR, ROBIN CORMACK, ABOUT LIFTING THE VEIL OF IGNORANCE AND MYTH WHICH HAS LONG DISTORTED OUR VIEW OF THIS MAGNIFICENT EMPIRE.

or centuries, Western Europe has sised was the di erence from Europe, pressive artefact of Byzantium, one has refused to see Byzantium as a whereas I think this exhibition tries to visit Istanbul. Hagia Sophia was built EuropeanF empire, but as a distant and to show exactly the opposite: that it is in four years, but one thousand years Byzan-times dubious other; an incomprehensible actually quite familiar.” a er its completion it was still the larg- and e eminate land ruled by duplici- Robin Cormack is a Professor of Art est domed cathedral in the world. In 330 Constantinople founded as the capital of the Eastern Roman Empire. tous eunuchs, loose morals, a corrupt History at the Courthauld Institute, 1453 George Sphrantzes described it as 537 Hagia Sophia is built. church and tyrannical rulers. How- but lives in Cambridge with his wife, “the handiwork of God, a marvellous 550 Byzantine Empire sees its greatest expanse under Justinian. ever, Robin Cormack, the curator of Mary Beard. Having spent ve years and worthy work, the delight of the 1054 Great Schism splits Christianity between Rome and Constantinople. the Byzantium exhibition in London, putting this exhibition together, he whole earth”. It still stands today as a hopes to see this civilisation demysti- clearly hopes it will have a big e ect. monumental feat of human ingenuity. 1204 Constantinople is sacked by the Crusaders. ed and reappraised as part of Europe’s “ e di erence is in 1958 nowhere in So why has it taken so long for us to 1453 Ottoman Turks capture Constantinople, ending the Byzantine Empire. common history. the eastern Mediterranean was in the take Byzantium seriously? According e exhibition is contributing to a European Union,” he tells me, but “now to Cormack, it has much to do with ‘I’m the new minister of culture, the and the riches of Byzantium were real signi cant change in the understand- we’re thinking of even including Tur- the myopia of the Enlightenment. “It previous one agreed but I’m not going people. ing of one of history’s most invoked but key in the EU, so our whole perception is a faith culture,” he tells me, “and to agree.’” He tells me of attempting A Cambridge historian has com- least understood civilisations. Voltaire of our past has changed.” from the Enlightenment up to Richard to secure objects from Mount Athos, pared history to doing a jigsaw puzzle famously condemned it as “a worthless One salient reason for this is that Dawkins there are people who don’t but being thwarted because all twenty where most of the pieces are missing, collection of declamations and mira- Byzantium linked the achievements like faith cultures.” In contemporary monasteries had to agree to any one an analogy that rings particularly cles, a disgrace for the human mind”. of the classical world with medieval newspapers, ‘Byzantine’ is now used as object being taken. Sinia only lent true for Byzantium. As Cormack tells Others, instead of insulting Byzantium Europe, making a vital contribu- a term to mean irrational bureaucracy. objects on the agreement that two of me, “ ere isn’t a history of Byzan- chose to distance it, most famously tion to the Renaissance. It was due But as Cormack is quick to remind their monks are put up in a London tium, absolutely no one agrees about Yeats who, in Sailing to Byzantium, to Byzantine scholars that Plato was me, “Byzantine bureaucracy absolutely hotel for the duration of the exhibi- anything about Byzantium.” However, depicted it as an Oriental land of “sen- rediscovered in eenth century Italy, pales in comparison to Gordon Brown’s tion. Cormack explains: “If you go into that does not mean there is not still sual music” and “gold mosaics”. Even and the cultural exchange between East bureaucracy!” the exhibition early each day you’ll much for the open minded to learn. ‘Byzantium’ is a misleading term, never and West was crucial in the develop- One of the organisers has claimed see Father Porphilius or Father Neilus “I personally am not a religious man,” used by the civilisation itself, which ment of Italian art. Byzantium’s cultural that a “pretty good percentage of all checking up on their icons.” Cormack explains. “I don’t work in continued to call itself the ‘Roman Em- achievements are on full display at this that survives” of the Byzantine Empire is is obviously a frustrating aspect Byzantium because I am a Christian, pire’ up until the eenth century. exhibition. ere are icons of such in- is held in this exhibition. is is an of the job, as Cormack tells me: “Spe- I work in Byzantium because I think London’s last Byzantine exhibi- tricate painting that it looks as though extraordinary thought: an Empire that cialists when they’re giving reviews it is interesting.” He eagerly tells me tion was in 1958, and Cormack golden thread has been woven lasted for over one thousand years and will say ‘why didn’t they have this’ and how an understanding of Byzantium claims that this exhibition’s through them, and the prized piece, spread from Egypt to Spain could leave curators always get annoyed because can be applied to the modern world, aims are markedly di erent. an incense burner shaped like a so little trace that a signi cant portion we probably spent weeks and weeks in particular Russia. “It’s extremely in- “As I see it, y years ago, domed church, has had visitors of its remains can be housed in one trying to get it. We probably ew to the teresting studying Putin because Putin what they empha- entranced by its witty moderately sized exhibition. You can museum only for it to be refused. But is an Orthodox Christian with a monk creativ- see a beautiful collection of icons from you can’t say ‘by the way, here’s a list of advisor, and promotion of the church ity. the monastery of St Catherine in Sinia things we asked for and didn’t get.’” in Russia is something Putin is very How- which were not even known about However, of the six hundred objects interested in. I think it’s very di cult ever, to until the 1960s, but are now seen as the they initially set out to get, the exhibi- for us to understand Russia, but if you see the best of their type in the world. In Sinia tion got three hundred, a result Cor- see it through the eyes of Byzantium it’s most they joke that where Moses said you mack tells me he is “very pleased”with. a little bit easier to understand their as- im- should not have graven images, they’ve Nonetheless, he is sad that they could pirations and interests and diplomacy.” got the best. With so much more still not locate a knife and fork. “Byzantium e exhibition is of such unusual to be discovered, Cormack con dently did invent the knife and fork, but we importance that it has been extended for claims that “Byzantine is the fastest couldn’t nd any.” is brings him on two more months. With around three growing eld in the history of art.” to one of the most challenging rooms thousand paying visitors each day, “a lot With no real modern heir, organis- in the exhibition: “It was very hard to of people will have had a touch of Byzan- ing an exhibition of Byzantium’s dis- do the room we called At Home, and tium in their lives,” Cormack beams. parate artefacts is particularly testing. actually to try and nd out what be- Western Europe has a selective “Every day that you are doing an exhi- ing an ordinary person was like.” e memory. Many subjects are studied bition there is something that happens, one incredibly rare piece they found into the ground, and the clamour of there’s some kind of crisis,” Cormack was a child’s tunic, borrowed from competing voices creates a disorien- tells me. “ e Georgian war meant we the Benaki Museum in Athens. It has tating din. However, in the case of Incense burner in the shape didn’t get the Georgian objects... We of a church, 10th Century a striking impression on the viewer, Byzantium, there is a huge amount le got a phone call from a woman saying reminding you that behind the mystery to be said. What kind of fun does a priest have? Nun. Theatre Editor: Joel Massey Friday January 23rd 2009 24 eatre [email protected] varsity.co.uk Round Up THEATRE

Beauty ADC eatre, January 20th-24th KING KATY Dir. Alice Bell; CU Contemporary Dance Workshop  Victoria Ball tells us what’s en thirty in the morning, the though I did not have a very clear deadline for this review to be in, idea what it was. what in theatrical week 1 Tpasses me by. A couple of hours, three Some other gems include a pretty missed calls and a text message from sexy belly dance (although the girl he Cambridge drama scene my editor later, I sit down to write who comes on at the end looked to is beginning to stir, slowly the review. Alas, that is what happens me like an epileptic Christmas tree), wakingT up after the Christmas when you are near the end of week a 1920s speakeasy (oh for the days vacation when ski trips, rowing one and realise that you have already of hats and seamed stockings) and camps, holiday essays and weeks’ let your work pile up and that you ‘Movement for Four’, a combination worth of carol services, rather have two essays overdue. It is beyond of physical and musical movement than theatrical soirées, filled me why supervisors insist on giving based around the music of the cello. our evenings. Rest assured that us work to do; surely the point of uni- I have two favourites, choosing by week three or four, it will be versity is that you work to GET here, between would be like deciding back in full swing, as lavish and but once you’re here it’s all about the whether I love marmite or shopping decadent as ever, with musicals, extra-curricular – getting involved in more. e Rock’n’Roll team de ed comedy and straight plays galore. sports, drama, Cindies... n’est-ce pas? gravity with their energy, turns and But it must not be rushed. Well that’s a decent chunk of my li s, even nishing their dance with The main show at the ADC this review gone and no mention of the the famous Dirty Dancing li . Patrick week is a dance show; an explora- show yet. I guess I should rectify Swayze, eat your heart out. Full points tion of ‘real beauty’ that boldly that. Beauty is this year’s annual ADC also go to the vivacious ‘Chrysalis’ quotes Confucius on its flyers. dance show, advertising itself in the dancers, a group of younger teenagers Instead of a late show, there is a words of Confucius: “Everything has with krazy namez like RascElle and different group each night per- its beauty, but not everyone sees it.” Soopa Noodle, who made me fancy forming as part of a Jazz Festival. is could not be more true, as the fourteen-year-olds all over again The opening night heard tunes theatre was less than half full on the (especially the one who dropped from an a capella group Over the opening night. However, I’m sure his trousers on stage – call me). e Bridge and the festival culminates that the people who were there did whoops from the audience were, well, on Saturday with the Varsity Big not regret their venture. e evening energetic, presumably coming from Band Competition. This spirit captivated the audience with its “ad- family members lled with pride, and seems to be pervading the whole dictive rhythm and elegant aesthet- rightly so. of Cambridge; the Henri Oguike ics,” charismatically delivered through e show contains a rich array Dance Company and Claire Mar- twenty-one di erent dances in a range of treats, including drummer DJ tin with her jazz trio are perform- of styles. Darbuka, masked ladies and swing ing at the Arts Theatre this week. e show did not get o to a great dancers dressed as sailors. Good work In short, it’s great news if you start. e rst couple of dances were tech team, the innovative and encap- love contemporary dance, jazz out of time; I felt a bit like I was watch- sulating lighting design enhanced or ‘exploring real beauty’. If not, ing my little sister’s school dance, the show, put together beautifully it’s probably a good week to get which is annoying – so many years of by Alice Bell, dancer and CUCDW ahead on essay writing. avoiding big-sisterly duties, just to suf- president. Nevertheless, there is (or so fer watching someone else’s siblings. e show is by no means aw- they tell me) life outside the But then the show picked up, as a less, but beauty rarely is. Drama in ADC and Arts bubble. Suitcase large crew of break-dancers, body- Cambridge tends to be a closed box, Cabaret runs this week in venues poppers and hip-hoppers roboted and it was refreshing to see new faces including Jesus Chapel and Clare their way onto the stage and lled with a variety of abilities and styles. Cellars and Cosi Fan Tutte is tak- the ADC with pumping energy. is at’s what the stage is for. Unless you ing over Great St. Mary’s Church. contrasted really e ectively with the can’t bear dance, I would big- sh- We also welcome the first Wolfson next piece, a contemporary dance to little- sh-cardboard-box it down to Howler and Jesus Smoker of the Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata (and the ADC this week. Except for you, term. So fear not, entertainment the Nokia tune, courtesy of someone that couple who sat in seats D8&9 on can still be found this week; you in row H). I liked this one, as I really the opening night. You should get a might just have to root around in felt that it was saying something, even room. Lauren Davidson the undergrowth of college bars a little more than usual. TOM MORIATY However dormant the Cam- Portraits of Artemisia by Nigel Ward bridge drama scene may seem this week, we cannot forget all Mumford eatre, January 16th & 17th the thesps who, though seemingly calm, have started manic Dir. Nigel Ward; Anglia eatre Company rehearsals for upcoming plays.  Toes have been tapping and heels clicking for many weeks now he Mumford eatre at ARU is a gets going when a veritable football team her eyes. Similarly, the script was all over to bring a performance of 42nd Trather nice venue. Huge stage, large of identically dressed Cinderellas march the place. Uncomfortable shi s in regis- Street to the Cambridge Corn capacity, weird patterns on the wall: it’s a on one by one. Crikey, which of these ter meant that half the time people were Exchange in week three. The team winner. e set too: giant wooden frames is Artemisia, I thought? All of them, demurely saying things like: “I no longer behind Death of a Salesman is with stringed grids stretched in all direc- and none of them; they are all versions, wish to pose for you, father,” and the rest busy bringing the play into the tions, it looked fantastic. or portraits, of Artemisia. is kind of of the time things like: “It smells like a pig 21st century. Excited schoolgirls, First o , Artemisia was a real-life worked. Di erent characters paint dif- shat himself before the altar.” under the watchful gaze of their painter from baroque Italy. Raped by ferent accounts of what happened. It was Too long, repetitive, inconsistent, stern teachers, have been trying a fellow art student Agostino Tassi, neat for ve minutes, until it became so pretentious, kind of sleazy and o en just on gym slips ready for week five’s Artemisia had to face a drawn out court blisteringly apparent that this was going a bit silly: Portraits of Artemisia is clearly Big Book for Girls. The cast of case. is is a retelling of that court case. to become the most stretched and over- no oil painting. Full marks need to go to Romeo and Juliet are preparing to e prologue was read by some young used metaphor in the history of theatre. the cast who gallantly persevered all the tread the boards of the Arts Thea- woman who looked like she was dressed Okay, scene one, the rst Artemisia way to the bitter, bitter end. Of course, tre. And with such directing gi- as Cinderella before her godmother got shu es on to face interrogation and the true heroes of the piece were the set ants as Trevor Nunn and Stephen involved. Flanked by a projection of paint her picture. She, like the whole builders and designers who constructed Frears appearing at the Union this one of Artemisia’s paintings, the studied play, just couldn’t decide who or where something that was both visually nu- term, theatre lovers have plenty to deconstruction she gave of the painting she was. Half her lines were delivered all anced and dramatic and yet managed to look forward to. seemed a little odd coming from a 17th pouty and sexed-up and the rest were thoughtfully and intelligently re ect the century peasant girl. Anyway, the story accompanied by her groaning and rolling themes of the story. Nathan Brooker

ere was once a young man from Peru, Whose limericks always end on line two. Friday January 23rd 2009 Join our Theatre team: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Theatre 25

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Wolfson Howler Wolfson College Bar, January 19th TOM MORIATY Week 2: The history of castrati  in opera went to a comedy club once. It was than done. All the supporting acts lence. Flashes of brilliance reminded I in London (well, near London) were good value; Keith Akushie’s act the audience why Herring has been rfeo, the opera on next week and given that I was in the hostile, was of a particularly high quality. able to sustain a career in comedy at the ADC, dates back to alien atmosphere of ‘the Big Smoke’, But undoubtedly the best perform- for 21 years. But at times he showed 1607.O At this time, castrati played I think it was understandable that I ance of the night was reserved for his age; some of his cruder jokes most female roles in opera. was a bit overwhelmed by all those Liam Williams. Boy, does this guy felt vaguely antiquated, as if he was Although castrati can have their jokes. So the Wolfson Howler always know how to enunciate, locking recycling gags from the 90’s. heavenly high voice due to a medi- had that ace up its sleeve; it was in his lips around every syllable as if It was a shame to end on this, cal condition whereby they never little old Cambridge. So my friend French kissing a vacuum cleaner. because the night deserved a better reach sexual maturity, the vast ma- and I strolled jauntily into Wolfson There was a confidence in the headliner. The Wolfson Howler jority are obviously produced by bar, ordered a pint apiece (I saw performance that marked a welcome is a far superior environment for castration. This week I look at the them do this in London), and ea- change from the awkwardness of comedy than the ADC, because it fascinating role that the castrati gerly waited for the laughs to begin. the earlier acts. This man knew his mirrors the intimate and relaxed have played in opera. And waited. And waited. A word audience and worked them with atmosphere of a comedy club. One Orfeo represented the early days to the wise; don’t get there on time. consummate ease, littering his stand or two audience members even for the castrati, in this period they You’ll wait. up with Cambridge jokes without plucked up the courage to ‘heckle’. would have been largely kept to However, there are worse places having to resort to tired clichés. The Wolfson Howler showed itself female and other subsidiary roles. to wait. Wolfson Howler had clearly Unfortunately, the headliner, to be in rude health last night, and But by 1680 they had supplanted done its publicity, for the place was Richard Herring, was a tad under- the next one comes highly recom- ‘normal’ male voices in lead roles. packed and the atmosphere was whelming. In fairness to him, he was mended. Nick Beck An opera without at least one buzzing. The compere, Ed Gamble, booked for too long, but he hadn’t renowned castrato was doomed to was a chirpy chappy and he man- prepared for that fact at all. There The next Wolfson Howler is on Mon- fail. Castrati became the undis- aged the often difficult task of MC- were lulls in his stand up where the day February 9th in the Wolfson puted superstars of eighteenth ing with aplomb, which is easier said laughter just petered out into si- College Bar. century Italian musical culture, driving crowds wild with their in- Suitcase Cabaret toxicating, androgynous virtuoso voices. As celebrities of their time ZING TSJENG Touring, January 21st-24th singers such as Ferri, Farinelli (pictured above), Senesino and Dir. Sam Pallis & Anna Maguire; CUADC Pacchierotti earned enormous fees  and hysterical public adulation. It was solely their voice that sus- o describe Suitcase Cabaret is difficult in a white-faced, macabre burlesque that ty of the skilfully interwoven monologues tained their fame. Their frequently – best to go and see it, or, rather, is eminently watchable and manages to that the production was at its brilliant strange appearance and often-poor Texperience it, for yourself. Slickly directed convey seedy horror and misery beneath best. When the cabaret died away to acting were a constant source of by Anna Maguire and Sam Pallis, the a glamorous allure. However this device reveal a jittering, hysterical lost soul (an mockery. show will tour round various venues comes all too quickly to seem something abused alcoholic, a French ballet dancer) Despite the uncomfortable in Cambridge. I have to say that Jesus of an imposition. It is an excuse for video something mesmeric was created. route to stardom, many envied the Chapel was not the most ideal place for it projection, ballet, shadow puppets, and a One can place too much emphasis on extravagant and lavish lifestyles to start. For those further than three rows seemingly endless ream of navy-blue silk. quibbles. Suitcase Cabaret is an evening of the castrati. Thousands of poor back ,the action was all but completely The band, admittedly, were phenom- that should (wherever its venue) not be families wanted their sons to obstructed. The acoustic, while appropri- enal. Effortlessly sending fragments of (dis)missed. The small cast are extraordi- become rich and famous musical ately haunting, often meant that words Satie, Wagner, Strauss (and something nary in their consistency, their mastering stars. In seventeenth and eight- were hard to discern. altogether more gaudy and sinister) out of accents, dance, and the beautiful, frag- eenth century Italy, about 4,000 Loosely based on the Spoon River into the chapel. Yet they did seem over- mented pouring-out of their temporal boys were castrated each year, Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters (a used. Too often a word such as ‘rotund’ lives. Musicians, actors, designers and from the age of eight upwards, collection of unusual poems detailing had to be accompanied with a farcical directors have come together to create an with the aim of making a fortune lives in small-town America), the show swoop on the trombone, or a soliloquy evening that is distinctive, original and as opera singers. Of course not advertises itself as “fusing the pertinent underscored with music. imaginative. Yet their striving for these all castrated boys had successful tales of Masters” with “the raw energy of There was serious sexing-up of which last three adjectives has meant that a faith careers on the operatic stage. The a cabaret”. To put it crudely: shame about Alistair Campbell would have been in simplicity and in the moving, eloquent better also-rans sang in cathedral the cabaret part. Well, not quite. The dead proud: though I’m not convinced that words of their source-material has been or church choirs, while some, residents of Spoon River are presented this was needed. It was with the simplici- lost. Oliver Soden trained as they were in acting, turned to the theatre, or even PREVIEW PREVIEW prostitution. The popularity of the castrati The Heights Derek: The Footlights Spring Revue could not be sustained, and by the The Judith E. Wilson Drama Studio, February 25th-27th ADC Theatre, March 3rd-7th late eighteenth century changes in Dir. Hannah Love; Telltale Productions & Madhouse Theatre Dir. James Moran & Lucien Young operatic taste and social attitudes led to their decline. The Italian elltale Productions burst on to the tagonists, Hester, Leander, Orpha and t’s that time of year when people are writing process consists largely of Keith musical climate of the 1790s had Tscene last term with Submerge, a Jasper, who live with Ambrose, an Istarting to talk about this year’s Foot- sitting Buddha-like in deep thought, degenerated to frivolity, and the critically acclaimed devised piece that over-bearing patriarch. They never lights Spring Revue. Unlike past revues, James pacing around the room smok- Napoleonic invasion, with all its had one audience member between six leave the house and they never have this year’s follows a character, Derek Fish, ing and Lucien munching polos until political upheavals, caused fash- actors. I was then just a little curious to any visitors. Ambrose obsesses over his through his day-to-day life as he stumbles something emerges and much fervent ions to change. A new set of com- find out what writer Jess Hyslop’s latest broken, motionless clock. He wants to from one bizarre situation to the next. swearing ensues. posers, most notably Rossini, had project is all about. keep everything just as it is. An apple Expect to meet apologetic gangsters and The writers are an eclectic mix of little trouble in setting new trends, The Heights will not focus so much hangs mysteriously from the ceiling. tabloid journalists with writer’s block. medic, English student and theologian in which the castrati played little on audience interaction. Apart perhaps One day, a stranger enters the house. Fear not, ‘Derek’ is still a sketch show but from Downing, Selwyn and Jesus. Al- part. By the first few decades of from ‘a giant rat scurrying all over The clock starts ticking. The apple falls. the difference is that it has a main charac- though they have all written extensively the nineteenth century, the castrati the place.’ They will also be admitting We wait, and see what happens. ter to give the piece structure rather than for Smokers, this is their first Footlights were mostly finished, and after more than one eager spectator. So The theme of entrapment is captured a broad theme. Revue. James set up the series of Jesus the reunification of Italy in 1870, you will have to share the auditorium by the fact that the only glimpse we Writers Keith Akushie, James Moran Smokers, Keith won the 2008 RAG castration for musical purposes with other wide-eyed gawpers. But I get of life beyond the house is through and Lucien Young are still playing with Stand-Up Competition and Lucien put was made officially illegal. still reckon this production is worth a shadow puppet theatre. These dim the show; coming up with new pieces on a sketch show at the Corpus Play- There are no castrati in next getting excited about. The intimate silhouettes remind us, however faintly, every day and finding that things emerge rooms last term. Add their talented cast week’s performance of Orfeo. But space of the drama studio, along with that the outside world cannot remain from rehearsals that simply are too funny (who are “so good” that director James if you’re curious, you can hear extensive use of puppetry, will conjure hidden forever. not to be put in. They currently have far wants “to have sex with them collec- Alessandro Moreschi, the only the eerie, surreal atmosphere of a Tim This intriguing new play looks set too much material and will have to hone tively”) and you have what is set to be an castrato to have his voice record- Burton film. to be unlike anything else you will see it down to the finest hour and a half for exhilarating show that promises sniggers, ed, on YouTube. Tim Checkley The plot concerns our four pro- this term. Joel Massey the performances in week seven. The hoots and roars of laughter. Victoria Ball

Why did the oyster leave the disco? Because he pulled a mussel. Reviews Editor: Laurie Tuffrey Friday January 23rd 2009 26 Reviews [email protected] varsity.co.uk iWatch Week 2: Big Chef takes on Little Chef, 9pm Wednesday, avail- MUSIC able at 4oD

Frank Turner Paul smith The Junction 1 Monday January 19th  t’s difficult to criticise Frank Turner’s matched in volume by the excitable an effective downbeat contrast, with tireless work ethic. A highlight of last crowd. It was a special moment, before emphasis on his storytelling ability; yet year’sI Cambridge Folk Festival, a staple his four piece backing band appeared the biggest crowd reaction was saved for on the touring circuit, and one of the last through a cloud of smoke, strumming ‘Long Live The Queen’, an earnest tribute acts to play the London Astoria before its some chords and pulling shapes across to a friend who recently passed away. demolition, he has become something the stage. Watching session musicians An encore of ‘Photosynthesis’ saw of a live phenomenon in three years. The attempt the splits whilst playing guitar support acts Emily Barker and Chris T-T former front man of Million Dead’s fus- arms-width at 45˚ angles above their return to stage on banjo and keyboard, ing of punk and folk has seen him gradu- heads is a surprisingly engaging way to adding to the frivolities and climaxing in uring my childhood, Little ally scale the Radio One playlist and, as spend a Monday evening, and their exu- an emphatic “And I won’t sit down/And Chef was a heavenly institu- he proudly tells us, one of his songs is berance certainly matched the panache of I won’t shut up/And most of all I will not tion.D Driving down the A303 mak- soon to be featured on Blue Peter. Claims new track ‘Live Fast, Die Old’. grow up.” ing our biannual grandparental visit to fame don’t get much bigger. Turner’s onstage banter worked well Like the rest of his material, it may not to the geriatric utopia of Devon, Monday’s headline show at the Junc- throughout the fast paced show, drum- have redefined the ‘singer-songwriter- I would suddenly lay eyes on that tion, the closing date of his current tour, ming up a bit of Oxford/Cambridge ri- with-ability-to-write-a-good-tune’ genre, jolly little fat man with a tray. All began promisingly with a solo rendition valry and presenting his keyboardist with but with Turner wading into the front other concerns would desert me, of ‘The Ballad of Me and My Friends’. Its a miniature birthday cake he bought in a row to engage in a final sing-along, its and I would unleash merry Hell refrain of “We’re definitely going to hell/ supermarket, impaled by a candle nicked infectiousness made for a frankly enter- onto my parents until they agreed But we’ll have all the best stories to tell” from a restaurant. The atmospherically taining end to the evening. that it was chef time. That jolly little showcased Turner’s strong voice, easily dark ‘Worse Things Happen At Sea’ was Paul Smith fat man promised massive portions of greasy all day English breakfasts, washed down with an unfathoma- White Lies bly synthetic strawberry milkshake, and I loved him for it. To Lose My Life So it was with both sadness and disbelief that I heard that Heston Polydor, out now Blumenthal, the speccy kitchen nerd  responsible for ‘molecular gastron- urder, funerals, and the end of again. One of the album’s best tracks to record this album. Organs, strings omy’, was remodelling the menu of the world; and this is just their is ‘Unfinished Business’, a brilliant and heavy bass lines are everywhere. this roadside institution in a crisis. Mfirst record. With more deaths than modern murder ballad. The story Intuitively it shouldn’t work; on With logic shamelessly ripped off a Jonathan Creek Christmas special, of a lovers’ quarrel that’s taken a another record it could easily be from Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, To Lose My Life is one of the darkest violent turn, it has some of the best overkill but here it is all perfectly an insincere consultancy from a records you’ll hear this year. And it’s lyrics on the record. It is beautifully mediated. The band have distilled all celebrity chef would make entertain- outstanding. succinct; not a word is wasted. You the dramatics from these elements, ing TV and therefore good public- White Lies have been tipped by almost feel as if you’re seeing this all and discarded the banality that so ity, and against all odds save the just about everyone as one of the unfold for yourself. often attaches itself. company. Or so they thought... finest new acts around and this al- While on first listen, you may White Lies have managed what This is the problem with reality bum shows us why. It’s not especially think that it all sounds a bit homog- eludes so many other artists; sombre TV of the ‘audacious challenges’ experimental, but it is a collection of enous, such is the curse of a lead songs full of emotion which avoid variety; you make a calculated risk expertly-crafted songs which sound singer with a reasonably distinctive sounding tacky and remain compel- that it will all work out. How- completely captivating. voice. But as you listen more the ling. These are not vapid, I-loved- ever, this whole cynical exercise It opens on a high with the single, tracks begin to define themselves; a-girl-who-didn’t-love-me ballads; was bound to fail from the start. ‘Death’, which tells of a man’s fear ‘Nothing To Give’ emerges as the these are songs with real darkness. Nonetheless, they forced the reality of dying on a plane. If you are epic it is and the title track reveals White Lies seem to have understood TV narrative arc down your throat not gripped by the time the heavy momentum; it builds to a bridge that itself as a potential dance floor filler what music today needs better than with all the desperation of Heston drums kick in, you will be once the mesmerises us as lead singer, Harry (though for quite a specific dance anyone else. I’m looking forward to trying to get a reluctant lorry driver keyboard joins. ‘Farewell to the Fair- McVeigh, calmly repeats “there’s floor). great things. to eat bacon and egg ice-cream. ground’ is a song with such a great no place like home” over and over A 20-piece orchestra was enlisted Lucy Bryant Whilst Gordon Ramsay’s equivalent shows normally manage to fulfil the ‘fucking disaster, fucking disaster, Beethoven: Missa Solemnis no wait; fucking brilliant’ pattern, CUMS I; Choral Scholars of Magdalene, Queens’, Selwyn, Sidney Sussex and this was ‘fucking disaster, fucking disaster... no wait; still a fucking Trinity College Choirs; soloists; Christopher Robinson (conductor) disaster’. Getting the ‘best chef in the Saturday January 17th world’ to rejig the menu at a motor- 

way dinner is like hiring Terrence daniel hill Malick to relaunch the Carry On... he Missa Solemnis, written just before the choir’s counterpoint. That said, there as could be film franchise. Watching Heston the Ninth Symphony, was the musi- were balance problems even before the expected). try to convince the new Chief Tcal summation of Beethoven’s personal chapel did its worst: conductor Christo- Happily, the Executive of Little Chef that their faith: it uses the traditional Latin mass pher Robinson could be heard shushing performers’ new menu should contain braised text in a way that emphasises human- the cellos and had trouble quietening the most inspired ox cheek in a red wine reduction ity, peace, and a merciful God. Like the woodwind. In the choir, the altos were moments priced at £18.50 was painfully ludi- Ninth, the Missa also represents the simply consumed by the vocal heft of the coincided with crous. Having meekly abandoned pinnacle of Beethoven’s large-scale writ- basses stood behind them: their entries Beethoven’s his high hopes of Fat Duck writ ing. It is fearsomely demanding, for both barely whimpered into life. Worse, some most heaven- large across the roadsides of Britain, the orchestra and choir. The choir must of the orchestral playing, as in CUMS’s storming writ- Heston puts creativity to one side contend with the outrageous fugues that Michaelmas Planets, was noticeably out ing. The Ben- and relaunches the Little Chef with characterise the composer’s late works of time, especially in parts of the Gloria edictus brought chilli con carne and fish pie. (Bach was a clear influence on the Missa), and Agnus Dei. real calm, as As Michael, the camp manager so it was fortunate that some of Cam- What was often lacking was drama. Ian Goh’s violin of the Popham branch observed at bridge’s best choral scholars were in voice Robinson rarely shocked: the opening solo soared over proceedings. But this slow movements of his late career, creates the start of the show, “I’m not sure in King’s Chapel on Saturday night. notes lacked any sense of occasion. He was nothing compared to the tranquillity stunning beauty from simple music. people are ready for snail porridge The problem with concerts at King’s preferred a more meditative reading; and breathtaking stillness of the Agnus Although a sell-out days in advamce, in Little Chef; they weren’t even was clear from the first few bars: the affecting in the Kyrie, but underwhelmed Dei: the soloists’ entries (the quarter were this was something of a mixed bag: it hit ready for muesli.” acoustics are simply dreadful. Beethoven’s in the gigantic fugues of the Gloria superb throughout) crept in gloweringly, glorious highs, but also the occasionally Rob Peal orchestral detailing was lost in the cav- and Credo (the choir, given such short accompanied by the choir’s heartfelt pleas painful low. David Allen ernous spaces above the audience, as was rehearsal time, dealt with these as well for mercy. Beethoven, like in so many Two muffins are in the oven. One says to the other, “Is it getting hot in here?” The other says, “Fucking hell, a talking muffin!” Friday January 23rd 2009 Join our Reviews team varsity.co.uk [email protected] Reviews 27

Take ART, FILM & LITERATURE Film one-liners

The Roundhouse of International Spirits Arp, Benazzi, Bissier, Nicholson, Richter, Tobey and Valenti Kettle’s Yard, until March 15th  n the grand tradition of cultural capi- If it all sounds a bit drippy hippy, culture and wavered between Chris- tals, Locarno is a relative unknown, then the art is anything but. There is an tian principles and Zen Buddhism. In Five of the Best whollyI eclipsed by its favoured rivals air of terse refinement to the paintings, China he had practised the art of callig- Florence, Rome, Paris. Kettle’s Yard is collages and sculptures on display. The raphy and there is a subtle calligraphic “Why so serious?”, The Dark attempting to redress this balance with colour palette is muted, a combina- sense to his layered tempera paintings Knight, (2008) a little show focusing on the art of the tion of the warm fawn and russet of of densely interwoven, sinuous brush- The Joker’s catchphrase seemed the region. southern European sunlight and the strokes. These have all the intricate best choice from last year’s Batman In the first decade of the twentieth chilly greys and blinding whites of the twinings of a tapestry while the colours feature: eerily unnerving coming century, Locarno, on the banks of Lake Alpine landscape. Hans Arp’s collages recall muddied snow, or the pebble from Heath Ledger’s permanently- Maggiore in the Italian Alps, estab- offer the only shots of colour. These beaches on the shore of Lake Maggiore. smiling villain. lished itself as a hub for a loose kibbutz are assemblages of papers in arresting Felicitas Vogler, the third wife of the of naturists, anarchists, and spiritual- autumnal shades: sage, cream, mustard uxorious Ben Nicholson, documented “I wanna live again!”, It’s A Won- ists. By the 1960s, an artists’ collective and a peppery red. Arp was preoc- the artists in a series of bleached derful Life (1946) had been fostered there by the sculptor cupied with the mechanics of chance, photographs. She captures a sense of It would be a cold heart that doesn’t Remo Rossi and painters Ben Nichol- the fall of the dice, and his collages are holiday spirit and plein-air joie de vivre feel a spark of Christmas joy at the son, Hans Arp and Italo Valenti. The assembled from carelessly ripped paper in her portraits of the venerable artists. life-affirming conclusion to Frank great and the good: artists, philoso- sheets, arranged at the whim of the There’s a sprightly Hans Arp sporting you: sun-faded, oxidised shades of Capra’s winter warmer of a film. phers, and muses paid court to these subconscious. two panama hats, one atop the other, blue, buttermilk and tawny browns that established artists prompting Julius The nomadic Mark Tobey arrived inviting the photographer to dance and speak of nostalgic, fond-remembered “I love the smell of Napalm in the Bissier to dub the area the “roundhouse in Locarno by way of New York, Kyoto Nicholson shivering beside the Lake. summers. morning”, Apocalypse Now (1979) of international spirits”. and Basel. He was steeped in Asian The colours of the exhibition stay with Laura Freeman As well as “the horror, the horror” and Marlon Brando’s Colonel Kurtz, Francis Ford Coppola’s brought us The Wrestler this from the war-crazed Kilgore. Dir. Darren Aronofsky “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn”, Gone With The Wind (1939) Starring: Mickey Rourke, Marisa Tomei and Ernest Miller It may come right at the end of this  admittedly-epic golden oldie, but allowing in a post-match hot-tub of as if to say “That’s me – what did you say interesting and funny, and characters with Rhett Butler’s devastating send-off praise since it premiered at last year’s you did again?” Unfortunately, his finger names like ‘Lex Lethal’ clearly deserve to Scarlett O’Hara remains a time- VeniceW Film Festival, Darren Aronofsky’s gets stuck beneath his name for the entire special praise. The fights are brutal, and less classic. The Wrestler, and particularly the central film, unable to resist constantly remind- the music is a good mix of power ballads performance of Mickey Rourke (seemingly ing us that we’re watching a piece of art, and... well, perhaps mix was a strong “You had me at hello”, Jerry as himself), are now firm Oscar favourites. and that we’d damn well better not think word. Even if the secondary characters Maguire (1996) We follow Randy ‘The Ram’ Robinson, this is just Rocky with blonde highlights. are all stereotypes, from the ‘stripper with Oh, come on, it may be cheesy, but a washed-up pro-wrestling star from Overtly arty touches are shoehorned in, a heart’, to the ‘mean, short, balding boss’, who doesn’t love a bit of cheese? the 80s, as he stumbles through life as such as the camera constantly tracking they’re still entertaining. The plot ticks all a weekend brawler in town hall fights the main character from behind: to the the boxes, from a heartfelt reconciliation before being given one last shot at the big bar, to the office, to his trailer, always from to setbacks after 30, 60 and 90 minutes. Five of the Worst time by a rematch with his old rival. behind. Similarly, we don’t need to hear One of the few surprises is a running If Darren Aronofsky had a business card little snippets of the cheer of a crowd dur- comparison of Randy with Jesus, because “Bond... James Bond”, any James (which presumably he does), it would say ing Randy’s everyday life to remind us of they, like, have the same hair and get Bond film not featuring Daniel Craig ‘D. Aronofsky – Auteur’, probably in a very where he’d rather be. beaten up a lot before their big comeback. In here, purely for every time small font, and perhaps with a picture of a There is a lot to like about this movie, The Wrestler is everything you expect it someone who isn’t James Bond has weeping clown on one side. As he passed though. The behind-the-scenes portrayal to be, executed well, but with a dog-eared introduced themselves by giving it to you, he would subtly place a finger of wrestlers planning their dives and de- sense of familiarity that just prevents it their surname before their full name. beneath his name and raise one eyebrow ciding who gets the barbed wire was both from being great. Tom Morris It isn’t big and it isn’t clever. “Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed”, Jen Hadfield Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) Is this really the best the writers Nigh-No-Place could come up with? Apparently the Bloodaxe, out now producers hadn’t noticed  “Luke... I am your father”, Star ast week, literary history was someone else’s perspective, ‘Ladies to Krishna, the garden of Eden, and Wars: Empire Strikes Back (1980) made when Jen Hadfield, became and Gentlemen This Is a Horse As the creation Glintie Glaaney – from Again, a line that has sparked a Lthe youngest-ever winner (who also Magritte Might Paint Him,’ which ‘Glintie’, the moon, and ‘Glaaney’, a thousand imitations. Just about happens to be female) of the T.S. celebrates “the horse...that stands in clawing animal. Hadfield’s vernacu- passable when Darth Vader says it, Eliot Prize, for Nigh-No-Place, the mid-air”. Elsewhere, Hadfield steps lar is of course Scottish – and not not so great when it’s a roomful of thirty-year-old’s second collection. out of her experience to speak in just Scottish, but Shetland Scottish, Trekkies at a sci-fi convention. As well as reflecting the wild sur- the voices of a ploughhorse, a seer, of which Hadfield says “Some words roundings of the remote island of and Odysseus – to name just a few. are so local that they don’t occur ten “Yippee ki-yay motherfucker!’” Die Shetland, where she lives and works, Hadfield could be considered as a minutes down the road.” These words Hard (1980) these poems, notably ‘Prenatal Polar nature poet in the vein of Hughes include ‘tao,’ ‘glid,’ ‘thrimilce,’ ‘uncan’ Essentially a failure to produce any Bear’, imagine the Canadian land- or Heaney, as a large proportion of – a rich language to match Hadfield’s real words followed by an expletive, scape, her mother’s native soil, which her work confronts and explores rich images. even Bruce Willis couldn’t make this Hadfield explored with her prize the natural world: animals, plants, When Andrew Motion and Valerie sound good. money from the Eric Gregory Award the rural landscape. She brings a Eliot (widow of Thomas Stearns) in 2006. However, this is not a transcendent joy to these objects and presented Hadfield with the £15,000 “I’m the king of the world!”, Titanic confessional collection. Hadfield has scenes, with captivating images such prize, they placed her firmly at the (1997) said that “All I really write is praise- as “incandescent horses”, “onions centre of the English poetry world. Why, Kate, why? There was room for poems”, and each of these poems poked blind” and “sheepskulls/ in While this collection may occasion- two on that raft! Any film contain- focusses not inwardly onto Hadfield’s the midden”. ‘Our Lady of Isbister’ ally be flawed by over-exuberance, ing Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go mind or inner life, but addresses contains the exhortation “O send me the poems sometimes seeming frantic On’ is bad enough, but this just takes presented or revealed visions. another life like this”, making you or uneven, this is also the mark of James Cameron’s cornfest to a whole For her acceptance speech, release that this really is a collec- work refers to the magical, mystical Hadfield’s inspirational quality. new level. Hadfield read a poem written from tion of ‘praise poems’. Hadfield’s and spiritual, including references Colette Sensier Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don’t know the words. Arts Editor: Emma Mustich Friday January 23rd 2009 28 Arts [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Great Works Of Art In Cambridge courtesy of the fitzwilliam museum Sex in the Univer- #20: Interior with Figures by Jan Steen City Fitzwilliam Museum

t would be pointless to argue for Jan the comic mode. This Interior with Figures Steen’s pre-eminence as a painter in Cambridge is similarly humorous and Ibased on the masterful wielding of paint, farcical: we see the figure in the background, especially when Steen is in the company of almost certainly a nun, stumbling in on a other seventeenth-century Dutch masters man propositioning himself to a woman such as Jan Vermeer and Pieter de Hooch. with a loaf of bread. Steen’s real mastery lies in his humour. The success of Steen’s humour is often The artist’s Catholic upbringing within the born from the ambiguous nature of his predominantly Protestant Dutch Republic narratives. In this instance, it is unclear is reflected in his moral comedies, such whether the lady in blue is a prostitute or as this Interior with Figures, housed in simply the wife of the man next to her. the Fitzwilliam Museum. Paintings from Either way, her foot warmer, which is everyday life, otherwise known as genre half-visible under her dress, may symbolise Week 2: Orgies scenes, were prevalent in homes across the her latent infidelity. Steen often depicted Netherlands in the seventeenth century. objects loaded with meaning, in reference Today, his humour is refreshingly familiar to widely known Dutch proverbs. For rgies are a tricky business. It’s – indeed, it would not be stretching it too example, in this tavern scene, the broken Odifficult to get an orgy quite far to describe the artist as a seventeenth- eggs are probably a reference to the saying right, seeing as most things about it century Peter Kay, on the basis of his lewd ‘cracking an egg into a pan’, a euphemism are so very wrong. The first orgy we yet self-deprecatory manner. for sexual intercourse. As in most of had worked, and this was because it Steen’s background in the brewing trade his genre paintings, Steen marries both entirely dispensed with etiquette. fed into his preference for tavern scenes, in comedy and morality to unique effect. The “George,” he said, “we’re going to which he often depicted himself in vivid contemporary audience of this painting strip you naked.” episodes of drunkenness as well as indecent would no doubt recall the proverb ‘he who It was not a warning; it was a proposals, as we see in this painting. To sets one foot in the whorehouse, sets the promise. It was the thrill of say- this day, in Holland, a rowdy home is often other in the hospital’; however, Steen has ing the words that charged our referred to as a ‘Jan Steen Household’, but made sure to avoid an overtly moralising fingertips, darting over buttons the raucousness in Steen’s works is never tone, stressing the dandified appearance and forcing zips. George’s body, tall merely gratuitous. The paintings always of his suitor as well as the absurdity of the and emaciated, was covered in a offer a level of moral admonition, though suitor’s offering. fuzz of downy hair. The hair was so this is often tempered by the overall jollity of Alex Esterick thick that George’s true shape was indistinct, each buttock resembling a ramekin of apple charlotte dusted with icing-sugar. Arms and legs entwined, it was difficult to tell how many made up the writhing mass. A boy’s hand Games & puzzles reached for the member of a friend who was at that moment kissing a girl, his left hand furiously twiddling no. 496 the nipple of another. The hand Varsity Crossword Sudoku found said member ready for action.

1 2 3 4 5 6 The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one The boy shifted his hips and tugged 24 Bird in a ring of fire. (8) condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits 1 at his belt, willing to be exploited in 26 King is not my real chicken. (7) through 9 exactly once. 7 8 9 the anarchic context of the orgy. 29 Lady of the night has a shot at a There were no apologies, no little cake. (7) explanations, only a warm bubble 10 30 Man with the beginning of telepa- 4 2 bath in the morning. thy? Bull - it’s an act. (8) Orgies are a tricky business 11 12 31 Sounds like essay about tree is the 5 because once you have one, you just place to start march. (5) 2 6 7 3 4 8 9 want more. You assess any subsequent social occasion in terms of its 3 9 7 6 potential to become an orgy. A par- 13 14 15 Down ticularly heated discussion in Hall 2 7 6 8 9 3 5 reminds you of the orgy, teetering 16 1 Lawyer is bolshy stereotype. (7) 6 1 8 2 between passion and hysteria. A 2 Move tentatively towards guitarist. supervision approaches an embar- 17 18 19 20 (4) 5 3 8 4 2 1 7 rassing climax as you grope blindly 3 The Go-Between – It’s black and towards a conclusion that you had 21 22 white, I hear. (6) 1 never intended; the orgy is recalled. 4 Start of harassment in e-mails – You glance at your supervisor’s lap,

8 5 / MADE BY G a r e th Moor www.puzzlemix.com 23 24 25 call me. (7) he sees your glance, all is lost. 5 Worries about neck markings. (5) Once a group of students vol- 6 Spot something to give your boss The Varsity Scribblepad untarily surrenders their right to (6) choose whether or not they want 9 This newspaper is badly run – that’s 26 27 28 29 last term’s ADC star’s penis prob- quite a yarn. (7) ing perilously near to their anus, 10 Cliff is good at poker. (5) ‘friends-with-benefits’ becomes 14 Asthma aid with top removed is tainted, often forever. A beautiful even healthier. (5) 30 31 sense of release is the cinematic 16 Coital noise is largely confused – promise, but, with orchestrated we’re in it together. (9) bohemianism, touching each other 18 Stir cola and add a bit of hollyhock becomes not a privilege, but an to form universal solution. (7) entitlement. Nobody can revoke 20 Transport secretary gets entangled this entitlement, for then the inau- Across with pop star at island resort. (8) thenticity of this new bohemian life 21 Article by Nazi causes gulf. (5) would be revealed. 7 Shy dragon conceals panadol networking easier. (8) 22 Revolutionary against Latin. (6) All it took for our fantasies to be enthusiast. (5) 15 This answer is a mythical creature. 25 We need more with windows in – splintered was one, single moment. 8 Gang in period of easier access. (8) (6) it’s making me sad. (6) Four of us, straight, bi-curious, 11 Revealing garment with american 17 I hear it’s in the style of God. (5) 27 The unknown in this defunct bisexual and gay, splayed on the rhythm lets you know you’re going 19 Reflection of shadow takes too group is a businessman. (4) Last week’s solution bed. We were all playing this game too fast. (11) much for President – what are they 28 Confused, stunned, without a for reasons that we could no longer 12 Most of this medicine causes one to called? (7) home, crazy. (4) 9 1 8 5 7 3 6 4 2 remember and, on cue, iTunes in- be unwell. (3) 23 Ban gun with battery in it? It’s the 2 6 3 8 9 4 7 1 5 7 4 5 2 1 6 8 9 3 tervened with its miraculous shuffle 13 Device for holding in gas makes future! (6) Set by Hythloday 1 5 2 9 8 7 4 3 6 8 3 9 6 4 5 2 7 1 function dispensed its next song Answers to last week’s crossword (no. 495) 4 7 6 3 2 1 9 5 8 3 9 1 7 6 8 5 2 4 and its sickly truth: the Lion King. Across: 1 Review, 5 Absinthe, 9 Elegant, 10 Annual, 11 Antioxidants, 13 Magi, 14 Hydrogen, 17 Speeches, 18 Fits, 20 Academic year, 23 Pizzas, 24 Science, 25 So-and-sos, 26 Misery. Down: 2 Eyed, 3 Iterative, 4 Wealth, 5 8 7 4 3 2 1 6 9 5 Astrophysicists, 6 Sea birds, 7 Ninja, 8 Heartbeats, 12 Cappuccino, 15 Offerings, 16 Chemists, 19 Helium, 21 Dozen, 22 Hear. 6 2 4 1 5 9 3 8 7 Wendy Woo-Woo

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Friday January 23rd 2009 Write for Varsity Sport: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Sport 29 REPORTS

appeared to be creaking, but once more indiscipline saw Cambridge increasingly Quick Catch-up Cam slams Notts frustrated as continued pressure did not translate into consistent tries. With the » Chapman edges final bout to seal remarkable victory coach lambasting his players from the Mini Report sidelines for “coasting” and a lack of Frankie Brown concentration, Cambridge continued to Men’s Blues Lacrosse Cambridge 30 surge onwards. Eventually ne driving On Wednesday Cambridge battled their- play from the pack was rewarded with a A shortage in recent match play did way to victory over Nottingham Trent, Nottingham Trent 0 try, just reward for their tireless work in not show as Cambridge Men’s La- retaining their position at the top of di- providing a supply of ball for the backs all crosse team stormed to a 14-5 victo- vision 1A of the women’s rugby BUSA in the absence of ball and territory, more a ernoon. With time running out, one ry over Buckhurst Hill on Saturday. league. Although indiscipline and petty tries from Cambridge seemed inevitable last bit of individual skill saw full-back With several key players sidelined handling errors disguised at times their but seven penalties in the rst half o ered Helen Bell eld chip through and then by injury, this was a chance for some superiority in all facets of the game, they respite to the Trent defenders. e dead- collect the ball to score in the corner. new faces to shine. fought hard to score six tries, including lock was broken by a ne individual try It was a resounding way to complete a Six goals for Todd Nicholls and ve two from scrum-half Andrea Turner. from y-half Anne Venner, dancing her comprehensive victory. Mention must go for Co-Captain Phil Hall ensured e match began in a scrappy manner way through several defenders to score. to the pack, particularly number 8 Lucy that the early lead never looked in that continued throughout. Both sides A further try was added on the stroke of Hartwell, who was tireless in both defence danger of being lost. Man of the were guilty of unforced errors as each half-time, as a series of rampaging runs by and attack, and created the platform that match Edward Cassels was also on fought to impose themselves upon the the forwards allowed Turner, a continual allowed Cambridge to be so dominant. hand throughout to keep up the ag- game. A period of concerted pressure from threat in attack, to streak down the blind- A er the game ompson, who had gressive and attacking style of play. Cambridge saw captain Lucy ompson side for her second. marshalled the side superbly and posed Looking for advancement to the break through the line, and following Going into the break 15-0 up, Cam- problems whenever she had the ball, Premiership and a win at Varsity, some patient recycling of the ball, Turner bridge sought to consolidate their con- described the performance as “not our this result leaves the team con dent spotted a gap and coasted through for the trol over the match in the second half. best”, citing both handling and nishing and ready for more. rst try of the game. e remainder of Pinning Trent onto their own line, quick as problem areas. But a good win none- the half saw Trent increasingly camped in hands from the backs saw wing Kate Rob- theless. eir form looking towards the An even challenge in the lineout their own half, defending obdurately but son score in the corner. e ood gates Varsity match could hardly be better. Player of the week Ben Osborne, Trinity

Tennis girls come out on top Strong on the ball and powerful » Women’s Blues secure place in Premier Division in the scrum, the Trinity hooker made life a lot harder than the Je- sus pack would have liked in their Varsity Sport ebrations in order to regain focus and build up to the John’s match. In Cambridge 9 complete the Cambridge conquest. consecutive games he was amen- e women’s tennis Blues were on top is they did emphatically with Mor- ace up front, winning quick ball form last week as they achieved a con- Exeter 1 rill, who has won six out of her seven at the set pieces and leading the vincing and crucial victory over Exeter singles matches this season, continuing charge in the open field. University to retain their place in the nis which saw her opponent scrambling her winning streak and demonstrating Ben has played in the College front Premier BUCS Division with just one around in despair at the back of the court. yet again that she is a force to be reck- row since his first year, watching league xture remaining. e killer combination of huge serve and oned with on the tennis court. A true the rise of the team from the 3rd Commencing with the doubles, the he y forehand served the Captain well professional, this impressive fresher to the 1st division. In his second Cambridge rst pair of Laura Mor- as she set the tone for her teammates to was on cruise control as she made light year, he trained and played for the rill and Victoria Watson red an early follow. Victory number two was attained work of a wily challenger prior to pur- U20 and U21 squads, though nev- warning shot to Exeter that the Blues by Cambridge number four, Claire Bush, suing team celebrations. er quite made the Varsity line up. meant business by administering a com- whose athleticism and tactical nous al- Finally, it was down to Watson to clean- Surprisingly, rugby has not al- prehensive defeat. e second pair of lowed her to exploit the weaknesses of up, so to speak, which she did in satisfy- ways played such a major role in Beth Ashbridge and Claire Bush, how- her adversary with pinpoint precision. In ing fashion against a ‘golden retriever’ Ben’s life. At school in King’s Lynn ever, appeared to be su ering from the similar fashion to Ashbridge, following a of an opponent. Questioning, at times, there was little time for training e ects of a six o’clock start and a session tight rst set, she found her groove in the whether she would ever out-manoeuvre or matches, so Cambridge was his in the notorious moving library (i.e. the second and prevailed to the sound of ap- someone perhaps best suited to the run- first real chance to make waves on train) as they succumbed to a feisty Dev- Watson plause from the balcony. ning track, she decided to turn on the the rugby scene. onshire duo. Hence the tie was level at gets into e minimum number of points to power which ultimately did the trick. With the League and his engineer- one all with all to play for in the singles. her swing win the xture having thereby been Probably the best BUCS result in ing degree all but over, Ben is hop- Cometh the moment, cometh the (wo) attained, the Blues’ numbers one and two years, the Cambridge foursome ing to continue to play rugby for man in the form of Captain ‘aggressive’ two, fresher Laura Morrill and second- can now look on with optimism to the an adult team next year. A brave Ashbridge. Leading by example she con- year Victoria Watson respectively, were BUCS knock-out cup and, of course, decision for the front row: his ex- jured a delectable treat of tantalising ten- forced to postpone their jubilant cel- the Varsity match in June. perience of rugby at Trinity will no doubt stand him in good stead.

Rugby: the big one Mini Report » St John’s victorious in College grudge match Blues Tennis Jenny Morgan The Men’s Blues Tennis Team St John’s 21 crushed Edinburgh 10-0 in their John’s and Jesus have something really final game of the BUCS North- special. It’s called hatred. Real genuine Jesus 7 ern Premier League season on stu , that. And it makes for some very Wednesday. exciting rugby games... the middle of the eld by the slippery Phil Compeau (Churchill) and In this league decider on Tuesday, y half Ian Childs. Some great kicking Rutger-Jan Lange (King’s) got pro- there was shedloads of the stu . John’s from his opposite man Sonenfeld soon ceedings underway with straight came on strong, brushing o tackles had John’s back on track though, and set wins: 6-0 6-1 and 6-3 6-2 re- and storming toward the line. Jesus when Jesus were caught holding up in spectively. desperately tried to slow down the play front of the posts he was called upon to Next, James Ashton (Emmanuel) and managed to force a few errors and deliver another three points to regain An excellent rst half display and Pavel Chichkanov (Queens’) make a couple of turnover balls. Not the lead. set the tone for victory defeated their opponents in simi- that it mattered though, as the John’s e play barely le the Jesus half in larly strong fashion, with 6-3 6-4 pack demolished any ensuing scrum, the run up to half time, but John’s made and 6-1 6-2 scorelines apiece. ramming the Jesus players backwards little ground in the face of a strong de- With doubles left to play, Edin- ten metres every time. Within a few fensive line. Unable to formulate the we are” as they rmly lodged themselves convert territory into points and a se- burgh conceded the second match minutes the ball was swept out to wing- game patterns they wanted, they were in the John’s half of the pitch. Unfortu- ries of futile kick and chase attempts due to injury, leaving the combi- er Shao-Chun Lin who sneaked back eventually forced to take solace in nately, that is where they remained for ended ingloriously in touch. nation of Aston-Compeau to con- inside for a try under the posts. Aaron another successful kick to goal. is much of the rest of the match, with stat- With ve minutes to go, John’s were vincingly crush the first pair 8-5. Sonenfeld duly converted. seemed to break the stalemate, and ic play inching painfully from one side still looking for another try, but as the The win assures the Men’s team a From hero to villain, Lin was then re- good hands in an overlap on the right of the half way to the other and mis- sun dipped behind the Jesus roo ops, place in this top flight league again sponsible for a questionably high tackle gave fresher Mathonwy omas the takes on both sides stopping any attack it was clear none was forthcoming. e next year. against Dom Macklin back on his own chance to put down over the line, leav- before it could really get going. In fact, nal score of 21-7 will be a relief for the Captain John Western was jubi- try line, which gi ed Jesus a penalty try ing the score 18-7 at half time. aside from an early penalty stretching unbeaten Red Boys, but Jesus certainly lant: “All in all, a great end to the to equalise. Jesus had caught them by e second half was a more equal af- the score a little further in the John’s gave them a run for their money. Cup- campaign!” surprise with some strong work through fair. A Jesus forward yelled “look where boys’ favour, both teams struggled to pers may yet be another story... Sport Editors: Jenny Morgan & Jamie Ptaszynski Friday January 23rd 2009 30 Sport [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Sport Feature: Winter Sports Stop Working and Grab a Broom CAMBRIDGE ALREADY WEARING YOU DOWN? DON’T FRET: THE SEASON FOR WINTER MINIBREAKS IS UPON US AND BOREDOM EXPERT JAMIE PTASZYNSKI HAS SOME SUGGESTIONS

come to a halt as soon as possible. painful thought. the top of this year’s FIS World Cup Ski-jumping is probably not for If you find all these speeds, leader board there sits a man called SKI JUMPING everyone. If you’re afraid of heights distances and heights a little too Simon whose surname usefully or flying, or just don’t think you’d daunting, I’m delighted to tell you confirms his status as Ammann (it t’s a fairly simple sport, which look great in a skin-tight all-in- that ski-jumping is also a vastly can be hard to tell in those outfits). starts with a long slide down a one and eight foot skis, you really underestimated spectator sport. At Meanwhile at the bottom end of the steepI slope that curves upwards a ought to think twice. Also beware first it is intriguing in its stupidity, rankings Andreas Wank’s career has few degrees at the bottom. When that once you start down the slope, but soon you are mesmerised by failed to reach the exciting climax the slope ends (this happens quite there’s no way to stop. For myself, the grace and athleticism of these predicted. abruptly, so be prepared) you leap I’d rather stick to the pistes, but absolute nutters. o into thin air at roughly 100mph. if you’re seriously considering it I Being a nutter is one of the If you want to try it: Check out ere you remain for anything up to recommend you go on YouTube and prerequisites for becoming a www.inneres-salzkammergut.at and about eight seconds, before land- watch a couple of jumps and maybe world-class ski-jumper. The other go to ‘recreation and sports’ for ing on another, slightly less steep a couple of crashes too. The current is having a ridiculous name. Roar details of their beginner course. slope. Although you are supposed world record was set by Bjoern Ljoekelsoey is a prime example of to land with a good ‘telemark’ style, Einar Romoeren at Planica in 2005 this; the undeniable coolness of his If you want to watch it: Tune in to Ammann: Nutter I recommend you do whatever you and stands at 239m. Janne Ahonen first name being entirely negated Eurosport at 5.30pm on Saturday think best to avoid breaking your did go further at the same event but by the randomly selected jumble of 24th for the Canadian leg of the legs/back/etc and try your hardest to he failed to land it, which is quite a letters that make up his surname. At World Cup tour.

about it than Paula Radcli e). soon as he harnessed the rst dog to a fectly trained animals are still just But before you all lasso the family sled tell you that these dogs are born for dogs. ey haven’t developed any HUSKY spaniel to the front of a toboggan, I sled-hauling. super-canine ability to understand ought to tell you a little more about it. Apparently a team of fourteen verbal instruction or human desire: We did it in Finland with a guy called good racing dogs can run up to two In the end if they’d prefer to spend SLEDDING Runi, who happens to be the former hundred and y kilometres a day, an a ernoon trying to eat snow or to European Dog Sled Racing Open cham- with race lengths up to one thousand piss o into the woods occasionally to robably one of the most pleasant pion. Although we weren’t using top-of- kilometres. take a look at some faeces, dragging all-round experiences of my life the-range gear, a racing sledge like his Another shocking fact is that you rapidly towards an uncomfortable Pand something I would recom- could set you back a couple of thousand huskies aren’t the amazing runners looking Nordic r, there’s not much mend to everyone: the pines dri ing pounds. You can’t just use any old house we’ve always been told. In fact they’re you can do about it but bail out and past in the everlasting golden-pink pet either: running has to be in their arrogant and lazy: everyone just likes hope for a so landing. Arctic sunset, the gentle susurration blood and then the excitement to run the way they look on the postcards. of the wooden sled rushing through must be nurtured for years. Runi’s ani- e best breed for racing is a cross be- If you want to give it a go: Book a few the deep snow, the stench of six mals have had the right upbringing: the tween English and Irish setters, sturdy days at Hotel Iso-Syote in Finnish Dogs: unpredictable sweaty dogs all trying to run and suddenly overpowering smell of canine yet energetic. Lapland. It’s not cheap, but they also defecate at the same time (honestly, hormones and the screeches, yelps and Beware, though, if you do try it, o er snowmobiling and rally driving they make even more of a theatre barks of seventy dogs that erupted as that even these highly-bred, per- for those who prefer an engine.

the curling world stage is dominated Secondly, global warming appar- right, you might get an Olympic by Scots and Canadians is equally ently means that we’re going to have medal. At the last Winter Olympics CURLING unlikely to whet your appetite. colder winters, like the Victorians the British men and women came But don’t be too hasty. Curling is had when the Thames froze over, fourth and fifth respectively, but urling was invented by Scottish going to make a huge comeback in and they all loved curling (and skat- by the tightest of margins. Bearing lairds hundreds of years ago the next few years. In fact, I predict ing) on it (I think this must have in mind three of the men lived on asC part of a housewifery exam: one that by February 2009 curling will been before we caused global cool- neighbouring farms near Lockerbie, woman slowly slides a heavy rock have overtaken Ultimate Frisbee as ing, which made all the ice melt). which has a really small population, (iron) as straight as possible, while the pseudo-sport whose accelerat- Thirdly, we’re in the middle of an it can’t be the hardest of teams to the rest sweep as vigorously as they ing popularity most annoys univer- economic crisis, which means that break into. can. sity rugby players. My confidence none of you will be able to get jobs If it takes more than that to get is not as misguided as you think: when you graduate, so you’ll have If you think you could go straight to your adrenaline pumping then firstly, the English Curling Associa- to go straight into retirement. Sud- the top: Contact the maybe you should go back to the tion website agrees with me, and denly curling seems a very attrac- Royal Caledonian Curling Club. bit on ski-jumping. It may also put Stephen Hinds has been appointed tive alternative to lawn bowling, the you off to learn that there’s only one as National Development Director staple pastime of the lonely British If you want to play casually: Go to Olympic dedicated curling venue in England, to make sure of it. Who knows what pensioner. Fenton’s Rink in Kent, ‘For A Cool aspirations? near Tunbridge Wells. The fact that such a man is capable of? Finally, if you play your cards Fun Day Out’.

ONEWORLDWEEK e Great Cambridge Jump 2009

SATURDAY 14TH FEBRUARY To nd out more visit: www.uniskydiving.co.uk Friday January 23rd 2009 Write for Varsity Sport: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Sport 31

Richard Cooney’s Marathon Kirsch More après than ski Sport Special Lauren njoying the best snow conditions post-slopes VarCity tent struggled to le. A er the rst full day at the resort, member su ered a disabling leg injury for many years, a record number compete with the bowling alley, whose many cold students were dazzled as our in the process. His penetrating scream Cooney Eof skiers and boarders, over 2100 internet access ensured no-one was nest skiers jumped over a ery chasm. soon silenced the mocking crowd. students, spent the rst week of their ever too far from their Facebook pro- Unfortunately a prominent committee e trip was unmarked by any de- holidays in Val orens, France. gree of Oxbridge rivalry. Few bothered Approaches to the trip varied, from missing an a ernoon’s fun to witness the more militaristic who reached the Cambridge defeat in the ‘ski matches’. Week 2 rst li s at 9.15 without fail, to those ‘A potent combination of £10 drinks and Similarly, few took any notice of that who nursed their hangovers till noon, rugby game on the television that took In which Lauren doesn’t drink (much) and only to strap on their boots, get the a thick, sweaty atmosphere’ place during the week. A tug-of-war explains shin splints. gondola car up, and enjoy a long lunch match o ered some relief, as an all-Je- in the sun. sus team briskly saw o feeble opposi- Evening entertainment was centred LAURA COLEMAN tion. Most trip-goers however got their eek one of ‘training’, so my on the Malaysia nightclub, pulling competitive x from the Eurosports trusty Internet-sourced eager party-hunters in with a potent channel, the only one in English, with scheduleW calls it has run (ba dum combination of £10 drinks, and a thick, its regular slots of curling, ski jump- bum) smoothly. Not least because sweaty atmosphere. One night saw the ing, and unforgettably the European I have really enjoyed being club host a ‘silent disco’ party, which Timbersports Championship. back at uni, and bumping into a came as a welcome relief to those tired e social highlight of the week was myriad amused faces who taunt of hearing boorish Oxford voices. the Valley Rally, an exercise in humili- me with pub excursions and Despite strict French laws on a er- ation with the potential prize of a free make a point of buying me soda hours noise, bad behaviour was sadly week in Canada. ose willing only and lime, or apple juice. prevalent. Shared hotel rooms o en to go so far as naked skiing fell a long Things I have drunk this week: occupied by at least one snotty and way o the pace, which saw early leads soda and lime, apple juice, milk, unwell individual meant that promis- for vomit-eaters and a rather chilly 3 coffees, vodka and orange cuous couples had to be inventive. Boot blowjob. With any justice, the victory (bop). Things I have not drunk rooms and igloos were no-go areas was handed to the ill-advised soul who this week: red wine, a leffe, and a er dark for all those with a sensitive publically consumed a ‘burger’ consist- a lot more coffee. I have heard stomach. Innocent winter fun? ing of two buns and a steaming turd. mixed reviews about how much Varsity organisers laid on a hand- We look forward to more of the same one can ‘get away with’ when some spread of events, though the next year. training for a marathon; the general consensus seems to be ABSTAIN, which is a horrible word. Feedback has also included unprecedented concern. People seem to be worried that I actually might die. Waking up and recit- Blues see o Durham danger DHANEESHA SENARATNE ing motivational mantras seem a » Refreshed Cambridge dismiss a defiant Durham little futile when faced with inevitable, irrevocable, impending Varsity Sport fatality. Hmm, let’s hope not… We were back at Grange Road on Satur- Cambridge 26 (to the tune of my flatmates’ fa- day, but don’t mention the V word. Suc- vourite Joseph megamix): “Go go cumbing to early errors, the Light Blues go Lauren, you know what they allowed a dangerous overlap to develop Durham 17 say, go go go Lauren, you’ll make in the rst few minutes. e memories cheeky interception from y half Sandy it some day...” of that day in December threatened to Reid and a swi o oad to Chris Lewis I’m sure that the uber-sporty make their return. But then the defence made back the crucial metres. Twicken- types who accidentally read started tackling, and there the compari- ham try scorer Niall Conlon was then this column – I can see why my son ended. on hand to take the points. Despite Dur- photograph would be mislead- Cambridge, however, were far from ham pressure, the half ended 14-5 with ing – on their way to patting dominant, and a well-placed kick from Crozier missing the rst of a series of themselves on their meaty backs Durham full back Crozier soon landed easy penalties. whilst reading about their victory them in trouble ve metres from their Stern words at half time resulted in over blah and blah are scoffing at try line. Mistake a er mistake then a strong restart by Durham, whose ef- the first sentence of this article. gi ed Durham a penalty which, taken forts unfortunately amounted to nothing “Pah! Week one of training! Pah! quickly, gave them the rst points on the when a double-movement saw their try Pah!” But the reason why my board with an unconverted try. disallowed. ey continued to dig away at schedule is so gloriously succinct e Blues struck back immediately. the Light Blue defence but were let down ree Durham players fail to take is because of mid-Michaelmas A territory-making run from James by some erratic kicking. Finally a break in down the Blues’ Will Jones shin splints, which had me first Greenwood built the platform for Cam- play caused the distraction they needed spitting angrily into my bas- bridge to take the lead with a try and for Durham winger James McCann to tard overpriced Asics, and then conversion for the consistent Jimmy slip through for his second touch down. ordered not to run for at least six Richards. A period of Cambridge pres- Quality of play rapidly deteriorated ate relief. Further attempts at the Cam- the crowd’s perspective, it was refreshing weeks. sure followed, with a series of piercing with many mistakes from both sides. bridge line came, but to no avail. e to see the Blues on winning form again The only thing that made this runs putting Durham rmly on the de- A missed tackle in the Cambridge back Light Blue defence held and Lewis was and to see some new faces amongst the setback less irritating was the fensive foot. Only a lack of support for line let Durham through for a second then on hand to provide the icing on the old. We would also like to o er our con- pride I felt when telling people the lone runners and a loss of discipline try in quick succession, gi ing them the cake as a fantastic pass from outgoing gratulations to new Blues Captain, Dan I had a running injury, and the at the breakdown denied Cambridge the lead. is would prove to be short lived captain Jon Dawson gave him the space Vickerman. various explanations I heard chance to consolidate their lead. as Cambridge nally took control of the to dive into the le corner. Varsity man of the match: James Wel- about what shin splints are. A Durham hit back and got to within match. Some owing play ended with e Durham match is always enjoya- wood for his strong running and consist- synthesised definition would be the Cambridge twenty-two before a a try for Chris Lewis, o ering immedi- ble and Saturday was no di erent. From ency in defence. “the splintering of muscles that occur when you exercise too much, and the muscle grows too fast, a bit like stretch marks, and grows into your bone, and if you stroke your leg then you can ac- e Week Ahead tually feel them, it’s really weird.” Thankfully, the six-week break National University National University paid off, and my poor splintered shins are doing OK, which means Heineken Cup Rugby Blues Netball Conference Football Blues Hockey I can now sing my alternative Joseph megamix, go for a lovely Live coverage on Sky Sports as is re-arranged xture at the Leys Cambridge United take on arch Relegation decider at Wilberforce moonlit run, and then head off Leicester face the Ospreys, Harle- will be an interesting form indicator rivals Oxford United in Conference Road as the Ladies take on Cardi to a swap, where I may or may quins host the Scarlets, and Mon- for the Varsity match now less than crunch. At the Trade Recruitment in a crucial bottom-of-the-table not drink apple juice. Remember tauban attempt to munch Munster. a month away. Stadium on Newmarket Road. clash. to join the facebook group and suggest a charity: Lauren Cooney Saturday January 28th, from 1.30pm. Saturday January 24th, 12.30pm. ursday January 29th, KO 7.45pm. Wednesday January 28th, 2pm. London Marathon. Friday January 23rd 2009 varsity.co.uk/sport

WINTER SPORTS

Here’s a few things you Sport haven’t tried before... VARSITY MATCH RUNNING TOTAL: CAMBRIDGE 0, OXFORD 2. COMING SOON: CANOEING, SWIMMING, WATER POLO.

SEAN JONES View from the River Silas Sta ord

he days leading up to the Boat Race are rapidly disappear- Ting, and we at CUBC are nding ourselves increasingly out of time to make excuses. Now is the season to hit the training as hard as we can; now is the time to perfect our stroke; now is when we win or lose the race. Even though we have not yet set the line- ups of the Blue boat and of Goldie, we are now beginning what will be probably the most intense weeks of training. And with this intensity comes inevitable soreness and fatigue deep inside our bodies. My body and I, we have a dif- cult relationship. A er a week of intensive training, my body will be Cambridge comeback hits Hethersett very upset with me. Its aches and pains will be translated into the instructions,“feed me more, row Becca Langton at the back and forced into desperate gone home, demoralised by a stun- less!” to which I respond by telling Cambridge 3 defence as a series of aggressive long ning Cambridge comeback. It was my body to stop complaining and As an avid Chelsea fan for the full balls found the opposition’s weakness only a matter of time before they could pull harder, or into “sleep more! skip twenty years of my life, like my father in defence and exploited their inability go home for real to nurse their fairly morning practice!” I tell it to shut and grandfather, I have always viewed Hethersett Athletic 0 to cope with the combined pace and bruised egos in private. But Cambridge up, sack up, and get up. women’s football with some suspicion. strength of the Cambridge mid eld. were to in ict one nal goal before the Occasionally during our silent A token e ort towards equality per- tacking with any real intent, and as a re- e rst goal came with undisputable whistle could intervene. Shaking o struggles, my body gets the better of haps, but a much lesser version of the sult chose to play the ball in and around are as centre forward Amanda Wain- the defence, and coming through to me. ere is the odd morning when game I love. the mid eld, keeping possession but wright placed a swerving shot from a one on one with the keeper, Wain- my alarm mysteriously “never goes But having witnessed the women’s looking only eetingly threatening. well outside the box into the opposite wright claimed a deserved hat-trick as o ”, or when my legs spontaneously Blues’ extraordinary victory over Het- Flooding their own half with players, corner; the keeper was nowhere to be she placed a well struck volley past a cramp up while sitting in lectures. hersett Athletic at the weekend, over- Cambridge kept quiet as the orange- seen and Cambridge’s positive play was keeper seemingly unsure of the appro- And when my body really means turning an earlier 7-0 defeat and em- clad Hethersett wasted energy attack- rewarded with the lead. priate response. A three-nil victory at business, it goes so far as to get in- barrassing a team sitting ve places ing an impenetrable defence. Lizzie Standing strong at every challenge, full time was credit to the courageous jured, setting back weeks of training. above them in the East Regional Pre- Richardson in particular was calm and the opposition attempted a ght back. Cambridge comeback. To mitigate my body’s com- mier Division, I have been forced to assured at the back, picking stray balls Hethersett were not yet nished and is New Year, the Blues certainly plaints, I must try to do all the right reconsider. Women’s football might be o an increasingly aggravated Hether- a last ditch save o the line by stalwart have something to celebrate. And Ox- things: eat well, stretch, sleep a lot, played at a slower, less intense pace, but sett and letting the quick-paced wing- defender Clare Ross following a lapse of ford will surely have something to and hydrate. And to reward my it has the same excitement, passion and ers give the opposition keeper some- concentration at the back suggested that worry about when they travel to Cam- body for good behavior, I load it enthusiasm one would expect to nd in thing to worry about. Cambridge might still be vulnerable. bridge on February 28th to take on a with beer and candy and indulge in any men’s team. By the nal whistle the At half time, however, the score was But this only provided further en- team whose increasing con dence and frequent naps. ese treats are vitally Blues had pulled out stunning goals, a predictably even nil-nil. Whilst there couragement for the Blues up front. growing goal di erence is putting them important carrots which motivate desperate sliding tackles and thrown in was everything to play for, a few frus- Clare Ross, as useful up the line as at in a good position to claim victory for me to get my body through di cult some blood, sweat and tears for good trated tears from the young Hethersett the back, stole the ball from a hope- the second year running. training sessions. measure. I’m de nitely a convert. right wing suggested that Cambridge ful Hethersett and following a quick Varsity Woman of the Match: Amanda To the rower, the body truly is Cambridge seemed hesitant in the had the upper hand. throw-in from Maise-Rose Byrne, Wainwright took advantage of every op- a temple. A grumbling, sore, and rst half. Having succumbed to Heth- A period of early pressure following Amanda Wainright was again on hand portunity to hammer home three stun- indignant one perhaps, but a temple ersett’s pace and skill in the away match the break demonstrated the Blues’ new to drill home for the second. ning goals, and re ected the ability and all the same. in October, the Blues were wary of at- found resolve. Hethersett were stretched Hethersett seemed to all but have potential of this Blues team.