The Issue University of No. 889 Surrey's Student Magazine 31 st October 1996 Remember, Remember, The Fifth Of November
ost people know the 5th policy on education iunding from be forced to follow the trends of November as bonfire Free Education For Ali because other universities. night when you stand in they could see that it is no longer M Although this university is not thefreezing col d for hours toasting possible to provide this with the going to be affected next year the marshmallows over a fire and present economie situation. This students have decided to make thinking about a group of blokes policy was referring to their feelings known. We have who tried to destroy parliament ali contributions to maintenance seen, from past years, that those years ago. This year we are grants ànd was a huge step within démonstrations have little or no going to do something similar, Sie student movement to agree to effect either through poor tumout blowing up the Houses of this; however, NUS never agreed or lack of commitment. This year, Parliament is not actually on the to top-up or tuition fees. Their to mark the event, it has been agenda but getting the govemment policy remains strongly opposed decided that students should dress to take notice of us is. to their introduction. in black to symbolise the As you have probably read in the November 5th is an opportunity mouming of lack of money within last umpteen additions of Bare for universities throughout the higher education. Facts and every newspaper in country to protest about tuition and It is a simple thing that everyone existence, the govemment over the top-up fees which can be can get involved with through little last 10 years has cut student grants introduced as early as next year. or no effort at ail and yet the and éducation funding. In Our own Vice-Chancellor, impact, if everyone does it, can be response to this there is now the Professor Patrick Bowling, has quite dramatic. Look forward to talk of introducing top-up and assured the Students* Union that seeing you on Black Tuesday. Just tuition fees starting as early as next he will not be introducing top-up remember, remember the fiflh of year. fees next year. However, if the November! govemment cuts funding in this At the NUS National Conférence year's budget the university may Meîanie Dean in March, NUS changed their Communications Officer Mtoüm Whinging Women Last weekend I attended the This is called pro- CONTENTS NUS Student Media Confer- gress...something I welcome. ence which is a chance for A couple of weeks ago I REGULARS student journalists to leam a wrote about how social bit more about the industry change comes about through 17 Personals and consisted of a series of people's acceptance to new 18 Clubs and Socieiies workshops ran by profes- ideas and attitudes, well times sional journalists. are a changing. My first workshop was on the In the 60s and 70s women design of the publication (you weren't well represented in 6 Nude Certitude 7 Large It in November have to admit that Bare Facts society but we have had a 8 Chat Up Lines 12 Drugs Special needs it). Anyway, due to my revolution and, in my opin- late arrival to the workshop I ion, we have done alright. 15 Cinema didn't realise until it was in Yeah okay so we still don't full swing that I was in the earn as much as men and con- wrong room. I had attended ditions at woric with regards women's journalism by mis- to childcare and part time 1 No Fees Day 4 Student Media Awards take. As a sociology student I work etc. could be better but 5 Environmental 5 Safety Week have studied feminism within it takes time. We are a lot Conference society, women in the work- better ofif than some people, place, women and the family, men and women, in other 16 Careers News etc. so I knew more or less countries. Sometimes I think what this was going to be it is just an excuse to have a about. Now anyone who whinge about something. knows me will laiow that I 12 Single Reviews have got no time for femi- I'll give you an example: 13 Album Reviews nism or women's issues but I Dcea's advertisement urging decided to overcome my housewives to "chuck out 14 Live Reviews prejudices and give it a go. your chintz". This advert has provoked 23 complaints of Unfortunately, it confirmed sexism and wastefulness - do my worst fears and proved to me a favour. This advert is 19 Canoe Club Trip me exactly why feminists tongue-in-cheek, some peo- 20 Rugby's great winl have got such a bad image. ple can't see irony when it Claire Longrigg was the jumps up and smacks them in speaker and wi^in the busi- the face, ness she has done very well for herself, until recently she The complaints said that was editor of the women's viewers "found it sexist and page of the Guardian. What patronising, that it was irre- sponsible to encourage such she didn't realise was that her University of Surrey Students' Newspaper audience wasn't entirely wastefulness and that it of- sympathetic to the idea that fended those who like every publication in the coun- chint^'. You see, now this is Union House, University of Surrey, try should have a women's the REAL issue 'it offended Guildford, Surrey. GU2 5XH page or somewhere that could those who liked chintz', these people have climbed on the address and promote Telephone: 01483 259275 women's issues. feminism bandwagon be- cause Dcea have slagged off Fax: 01483 34749 It seems, however, that my their taste in home furnish- Advertising: 01483 259275 opinion was shared amongst ings. E-mail: [email protected] the audience. One girl ex- By making a difference be- http://www.surrey.ac.uk/Union/barefacts/ plained that a few weeks ago tween men and women and her paper had run an article on Editor - Melante Dean creating things called anorexia and that they had Feature Editor - Tania Rocks 'women's issues', 'femi- had more response from male Ne/i^ Editor - Sam Blrmingtxim nism' and political positions readers than female. Now Music Editor • Rob Wirder for these people, you are seg- anorexia and other eating dis- Spcxts Editor - Mark 'GInga' Cusack regating the sexes even fiu-- orders have always been mar- Photographer - Matt Panneli ther. I believe that feminism keted as 'women's issues' Cartoonist - Stuart Parker as an issue is detrimental to which you can see here is to- Editcxial Contributions: Andy Gale, Miles Hedgehog. Bruce the things women are trying tally wrong. There are very to achieve and I think we Chapman, Matt Pannell and others... few issues in the 1990s that would do a lot better if we Music Reviews: Mel Odedra, James Hemingway. Mark De Lange, concern just women; rape, stopped harping on about VIcW Snelgrove, Numnuts domestic violence, sexual how hard done by we are as a discrimination in the work- Bare Facts is an independent newspaper, published by the sex. place all effect men as well - University of Surrey Students' Union Communications Oftke. The views expresseo within the paper aré those of the Editor, the it is just that, until recently, Right, I've said my bit - now Editorial board and the author, and do not necessarily represent no one has openly admitted the views oftheUnhnrsity of Surrey Students' Union or The read on and enjoy... University of Surrey. this. Mel XXX USSU Communicattons Office 1996 Mtm
Dear Editor Dear Editor the constant bombardment of Re: BT Phone Cards Re: The Hedgehog Conspir- pro-hedgehog propaganda acy eminating from the media. In response to Joanne Dickin- The conséquence of the prolif- son's letter in Bare Facts of 25 Is it my imagination or are we ération of hedgehogs and their October, I would like to say in being invaded by hedgehogs? supporters is that these prickly the University's defence that I see their smiling, cartoon déviants of nature are no despite anticipating installa- représentations everywhere I longer ivewed with the healthy tion of the new style card- look these days from computer suspicion that they deserve. It phones since last April, in the games to birthday cards. There seems I now stand alone in event we only received two is only one logicai explana- thinking that their behaviour is days' notice of when they tion. Namely that, incredible slightly Strange. Of course, it would actually be installed. though it may sound, these is wrong to relate human val- As such, there was barely suf- horrant little .undergrowth ues to animais but if I went out fícient time to obtain stocks of dwellers have become a sym- late every night and crawled donyms and eroding the credi- the new cards, and no time to bol of cuteness. This is a truly aroimd the streets of Britain's bility of one of the last great do anything else. bizarre and worrying phe- towns and cities at very slow bastions of truth, and good nomenon. speeds people would think that sense. By the way, did you However, I have some good I was a bit dodgy. Hedgehogs know that 'Miles Hedgehog' news for Joanne and anybody The idea of taking something do it ail the time and no one is an anagram of 'Hedgehog eise who still has an old style as ghastly as the hedgehog and bats an eyelid or raises an eye- Slime'? ^at sort of depraved phonecard. Just send it to BT beautifying it is a very sinester brow or makes any sort of dis- monster would choose such a at PP05A32, Delta Point, 35 concept indeed. Sonic is tiying approving gesture, facial or pen name and what is this lu- Wellesley Road, Croydon, to convince us that hedgehogs otherwise. Why do hedgehogs natic's agenda? More impor- Surrey, CR9 2YZ with a note are not the dirty, smelly, ugly, try to cross roads anyway? tantly, what is this lunatic's ofyourname and address. BT worm ealing, flea ridden Where are they ail going? Are gender? This could be a vital will read the card to establish beasts that I taow them to be. they battling with lemmings due in unmasking the of- how many unused units it con- TTie public are being lied to, for the title of 'World's most fender before the subliminal tains, and then send you a new but why? I don't know but like sucidal species' or do they messages contained within his style card to that value. Fox Mulder, I recognise a con- have secret meetings when or her's insane rantings can sptracy when I smeli one. everyone is asleep? poison the minds of Surrey's Sorry this is not on a postcard, students. Further investigation but I trust it is a suitable an- Hedgehog sympathisers are a is definately required, but fear swer growing group and their faith What's most disturbing of ail, not - Vinne is on the case. in their beliefs is becoming however, is that even some of Janet Bell stronger. These people are ob- Bare Facts' contributors are Vincent Hedgehog Slayer Assistant Secretary viously being brainwashed by writing imder hedgehog Pseu-
Rock The Vote is supported by the Nationa! Union of Students. It is an apolitical campaign designed to encourage young people to register to vote, and then use their vote. !ts objective is to reverse the deciine in the number of young people voting. Although Rock The Vote has received the support of the three main politicai parties, it will not be using politicians in its campaign. Instead, it will be using those for whom young people have respect: the stars of music, entertainment and sports worlds. Launched in February 1996, Rock The Vote Is based on a similar campaign in the United States which was run during the 1992 Presidential élection. This campaign successfully registered an additional 350,000 young people; it estimâtes that an extra
Wèvtdi Ulis Sp^kcc Rock for moK betAils the Vtotc Media ^lu/ards NUS Student Media Awards 1996 by Melanie Dean
aturday 26th September saw witty portrait of students at a cross-dress- The Media Conference was an opportu- ing party which was exceptional. nity for students from other newspapers the return of the annual and magazines to meet up and exchange Student Media Awards. This The Radio award was won by University ideas. The weekend was centred around S Radio Exeter which took a funny and event, sponsored by The a series of Workshops and speakers from quirky approach to the subject of the the professional world of media who of- Guardian, was held at Kings Henry Moore Sculpture's arrivai on College London with nearly every fered their advice and ideas on how to campus. develop the work already going on in Student newspaper in the countiy And fmally the Impact Award went to most universities and Colleges and to having their représentatives there. Simon Jones for his interview with Uri give US some usefìil contacts for this year The event, presented by John Geller published in Reading University's and future careers. Cheers guys... Carvel, Education Editor of The Spark. Guardian, was an opportunity for The evening coincided which the end of the professional world of the second ^y of the NUS National Me- journalism to reward young dia Conference which had been held at Student joumalists and to identify Kings College over the weekend. areas of talent and dedication.
"In the post 18 years The Guardian Student Media A wards have provided a Impact Award showcasefor emerging talent, and each year has seen the journalism submitted Geller's range of leisureware is some- "Stili, l'm not interested in challenges. grow more ambitious, more challeng- thing of a mystery in itself. It is one of a All my life l've kept away from chal- ing, and more sophisticated. " Georgina number of ventures which he claims has lenges - do you understand?" already made him a wealthy man. Surely Henry, Deputy Editor, The Guardian. No, l'm afraid 1 don't. Geller has al- a genuine psychic could make millions ways responded to challenges when the on gambling - does he play they National conditions are 'right'. Wasn't his par- Lottery, for instance? The event was judged by number of jour- ticipation in the 1972 tests at Stanford nalists from tìie Guardian along with "I personally don't, but my children do. Research Institute (SRI) a challenge? many other prestigious names from the I keep away from that. It's tempting to The results of those tests (published in media world. The shortlist for these see whether my psychic powers can 1974 by physicists Russell Targ and awards was printed a couple of months guess the numbers. I don't Üiink 1 can. I Harold Puthoff in the science journal. ago, so I was well aware that Bare Facts am not a gambler." Nature) rejected the metal-bending re- was not a contender and when I saw the sults. Geller, of course, has an excuse compétition, I could understand why. This is ali very odd. Geller has claimed for this. that he was paid by mining companies to The event was divided into six main caté- psychically search for minerais, but he "Well, in my opinion...there were some gories; Student Newspaper of the Year, balks at winning the lottery! Stranger bendings and some film. Except that it Student Magazine of the Year, Student stili, he has also reused to take up any of wasn't good enough for them. Scien- Journalist of the Year, Student Photo^- the lucrative challenges to reproduce his tists want filli proof under laboratory pher of tìie Year, Student Radio Station 'powers' under conditions which would conditions. And the answer is very sim- of the Year and Tlie Impact Award which exclude fraud. ple: when l'm put under pressure, I goes to the magazine or newspaper that can't perform. Even the phenomenon does something out of the ordinary. In 1988, British businessman Gerald l'm most known for. When l'm on Fleming offered to give £250,000 to stage, l'm not under pressure and it The newspapers were judged on their use charity if Geller could perform a spoon- happens. In important places, it hap- of design of pictures, news worthiness, bend under such conditions. Why hasn't pens. But in a laboratory where I really and general interest. The winner, Leeds Geller responded? want it to happen, it's very hard for Student, stood out from the rest with it's »S original features, coliminists and excel- "Never heard of him, and Tra not interest me. in him either," he responds rather tersely. lent news coverage. Simon Jones ' interview with Uri Gel- I persist - the money does go to charity, ter, ßrst published in Reading Univer- University of Sussex won the magazine after ali. Geller pretends he hasn't heard sity's Spark in February. of the year with TTie IHiIse. Journalist of properly: "Teli him that he can offer a tìie Year was Laura Peek from Edinbur^ billion dollars - Tm not interested. Tell University whose front page article on him to find other psychics who might Chris Brand, a university lecturer with There are many other psychics who are hairy ideas on racism and IQ: "Girls poor, who don't have money." should be encouraged to have sex with higher IQ men." Student Photographer of But it's for C-H-A-R-I-T-Y, Uri! the Year went to John Norworthy for his ^tm Sea Change! S.E.A. ( Students For featured during the aftemoon. But of Did you know that every 15 minutes a Environmental Action) course "ail work and no play" person is killed or maimed by an anti-per- sonnel landmine. (source CAAT). Ist Annual Conference The evening ents were in the form of WarwickS.U. "Whipround" the union's indie band Did you know that certain high Street night featuring "The Dharmas" or a d^ce banks make huge profits from third world 26th And 27th October 1996 event called "Culture" featuring Sister debt and also finance arms deals to op- ff for a weekend at Bliss. pressive regimes. WarwickUni! Would the Moving swiftly on to Sunday, after an Did you know that in the "Developed place live up to the stories extra hour's sleep on the wonderfiilly World" each person produces approxi- O comfortable floor??? mately twice their body weight per day in we had heard? Huge union, household, hazardous and industrial we came to breakfast. Everyone was excellent ents etc. etc. Then we waste? remembered that we were there for looking suitably bleary eyed due to Jon a conférence and not just to have (Warwick S.U. président) waking every- Do you care? You may be thinking what one up an hour before necessary. The has all this got to do with me? Why fun. We had instore for us a form today was discussion of and passing should I care? - it's a million miles from weekend of Workshops and of the motion on Consumerism which here and doesn't affect me in the slightest. "plenaries" based around the will hopeftilly get to N.U.S. conference in Do you have a conscience? If any of these central theme of March and also forms policy for S.E.A. itself There were also three speakers; facts disturb you then you can do some- CONSUMERISM, with the Sarah Paricin from Forum for the Future thing about it. Before you think this is emphasis placed on practical (former leader of the Green Party), Barry going to involve money, its not! A few ideas, things to take back to your Coates from the World Development minutes of your precious time is all it involves. individual student union and tailor Movement and Jo Wilson from Swords into Ploughshares. to its individual needs. The Over the next few weeks there are going to be some articles about the issues high- Saturday sessions were made up The conference managed not only to pro- lighted above, and others. READ the ar- vide US with lots of information and prac- from a selection of Workshops that ticles, if you don't agree then say so, if tical ideas, it also opened our eyes to focused on information to use in you do agree then say so as well. We are many horrifying events that are carrying not trying to say this is what you should various campaigns, through to on through out the world. For example: putting the information into do, we are trying to stimulate some debate workable ideas. Did you know that Burma is under a Mili- and get YOU to express your opinion! tary dictatorship, "a nation at gunpoint", The aftemoon was rounded up with a and soldiers frequently carry out massa- Catherine Woodburn feedback session and the opportunity to cres on normal people, like you and me, Environmental Officer watch videos on some of the campaigns for no apparent reason. Safety Week ersonal safety is an The Union is subsidising these important issue throughout activities so they are all Pthe year, especially now as completely free!!!!! the nights are drawing in and many There will also be a display of of you may be forced to travel leaflets and information on safety during the hours of darkness. In related issues on the Student Order to increase awareness about Affairs Noticeboard in the the importance of your personal entrance to the Students* Union safety the following activities and throughout the week. Attack information points will be YOU DONT HAVE TO UKM( UKE THU TD PIIOTEa VDUIVEUalarm^ s are on sale from the available during next week: COME TO/Elf MRNCf GR/AFETY TAUtf AND LEARN HOW TO U/E VOUlt BlUIN NOT YOUR BRAUN.. Security Office in Senate House Monday and Wednesday,12-2pm, during office hours for £1 or £2 Crime Prévention Stall in the (well cheap!!!!!). Students' Union ridayl2.30-l.30pm. Persona Remember, prévention is better Tuesday and Thursday, ll-3pm, Safety Talk from the local Crime than eure! Get yourself prepared Crime Prévention Stall in the Prévention Ofïicer in TB23. now and you'll feel much safer in Lecture Theatre Concourse Monday and Tuesday 6-8pm, the future!!!! Basic Seif Defence course, TB20a. Nude Certitude
by Miles Hedgehog
hope you enjoy this article. I When I pointed out that the person in Our blood thirstiness seems to show it- really do. Because if you question was not really the archangel self in different ways. Gabriel himself, due to the fact that he By the time you read this, the smell of don't, then the fact that you consumes a fòir amount of dead animal, I gunpowder will be looming in the air, will have spent the last he failed to see tìie point. Nature isn't and you will be hearing noises which are meant to be compassionate or caring. If how-ever-many minutes letting either fireworics, or hopefully, a firing it was, tiien we wouldn't be here (and I your corpse rot will be of great squad lining up and tal^g pot shots at wouldn't have to write this - hurrah). annoyance to me. The reason you that little git who pushed into the cash stumble (rather than come) across Oh yes. I am one of the moral minority. machine queue at the Union a couple of me in a rather less than rosy mood I don't eat poor little bunny wabbits, or weeks back, and tìien tried to pick a fight. But that aside (calm down, take the tab- is due to two things: anything else that wriggles when you kill it. Last week I was contemplat- When I pointed out that the person in Reason One: ing becoming a Due to a particularly stressful birth, I tend mouse-eating question was not really the archangel to be of a rather displeasurable tempera- vegetarian, but Gabriel himself... ment at times which tend not to suit me. decided that tiie Such as having to write pöxy words for risk of infection the likes of you. wasn't worth the financial savings that I lets Miles), weren't fireworks somediing would incur. Actually, I couldn't really to do with Mr. Fawkes attempting rather Reason Two: give a damn about whether people eat foolishly to bum down Parliament? My I wanted to watch the telly. animals or not. You want to eat things memory of history lessons generally con- There are probably several other fectors that bleed? Fine. Yum yum. It just sists of ^ing to bum my desk down with as well, but they don't spring to mind at doesn't really pop my toaster, that's all. a magnifying glass, so I could be wrong. the moment. I was watching a nature But if you eat meat, tìien for the sake of And CaAerine Wheels were definitely programme about penguins. Penguins the non-sexed-etemal-man-with-the- something to do with some Catherine are not particularly interesting. So I white-beard-possibly-in-the-sky-somet woman, who got nailed to a wheel and won't go on about them, unless I get imes-called-God don't go on ^ut how set fire to. I think. Maybe. Or am I going really stuck for tilings to write about. cruel nature is. insane? Penguins, did you know, grab food for Mankind's (yes, yes, I know, Human- Anyway, my point is that bonfire night is their penguinny offspring, and then run just as blood thirsty, but in our high- about with it so that only one of their kids bloody-kinds) greatest risk of shuffling off this mortal coil comes from the fact class, intellectual manner, rather than catches up with them first, rather than disembowelling zebras in deserts. Prob- having to put up with a big argument that we no longer evolve. We no longer kill off, or let die, the weaker parts of our ably because there aren't many deserts in about who's going to eat tie piece of this part of Guildford. frozen fish (or whatever the hell it is that race. If someone is not as strong, or not as quick, then tiiey do not die of starva- they eat - do tell me) first. The other reason why I'm fed up is be- tion. Surely this means that our species is cause someone seems to have set up an stagnant, like an old computer that no- But the joy of nature programs does not ectoplasm manufacturing plant within one can be bothered to play with (or stop there. Only the other day, another the (fairly expansive) confines of my upgrade) any more. Every other species one of these stupid programs was being nose. The same people have also seen fit that stopped evolving died out, and yet inflicted upon me. It was about lions. to carry out advanced new chemical tests we seem to think that because we believe Lions eat zebras. Great stuff. Loads of of a new extra strong brand of bleach or that we have a higher level of under- black white and, to some extent, red ze- acid in my throat. I have a cold. And a bad temper. Someone told me that it was First Year Flu. They also told me that it Catherine Wheels were definitely something to do comes from not knowing how to look with some Catherine woman, who got nailed to a after yourself, going out too much, and eating crap food. I tiiought I'd stopped wheel and set fire to... doing most of that. But I'm not a first year. I definitely had it last year. PeA^s bra carcass splattered across BBC I. standing of self, tiien we will survive? it recurs. Sadly the person sitting next to me was Cue the rather crap karaoke song. Actu- not so enthralled with the proceedings. ally, karaoke is a good enough reason to Now go and remind yourself how dis- Oh no! they cried with raised eyebrows kill our species here and now. Human gusting a certain LEMmony drink which and tears in their eyes. You can't do that. beings are just as blood thirsty as lions, can be SIPped, is. Ah-choo. - bead of snot It's soooo cruel. or indeed penguins. But are, on the flies attractively fix)m the nose. whole, considerably less well dressed. feature Large It in November Don't worry about Guildford, there's join in the party any Friday this month and The Cross, Kings Cross and Kingsize at nothing much happening in London you're bound to get a good exchange rate The Complex. either Ais month. Yet again all the good for your well earned dollars. On the nights seem to be up north. So if you've Seb Fontaine, Heaven, Danny Rampiing, And for all of those who don't know, this got tiie sense and shit loads of money, buy Alex P. On the 8 Judge Jules, Luke Friday Sebbie baby himself, yes that's yourself a VW camper van, make sure Neville. The 15 sees Paul Oakenfold, Mr.Fontaine to you, is at The WOK Club you've got your passport and keep driv- Tom & Jerry Bouthien Blocko. (I've not at Bojangez. Let me repeat that just in ing north until you reach Liverpool, or fmished yet). The 22"° Danny Rampiing case you didn't quite get it the fost time, Seb Fontaine in Guildford on Friday the Leeds, or Manchester or Sheffield or and Tony De Vit and fmally and probably best of all, Tall Paul, Judge Jules and 1 of November. Either someone is play- you get the picture. What have they got ing a cruel and sick joke, or Guilford is in that we haven't? Except that is for coal Allister Whitehead on the 29 . Frisky and faultless. for one of the best ni^its since... well mines, bad weather, unemployment and nothing good ever happens in Guilford Coronation Street, well I suppose you anyway, see on the front of the stage. can't have everything. Glamour, glamour, glamour and you guessed it glamour. Names darling Well I hope you can sleep easier tonight But if you're like me and can't stand the names. Maiibu Stacey at The Hanover knowing what's going on in Clubland this cold or mushie peas then stay this side of Grand, 9 Hanover Street, Wl. Two month. For most of you this crap probably tiie Watford gap get your glitter gear on, weekends to check out this month, No- won't mean much, but I would like to and show them what it's all about. vember 2" with TalLPaul and Dave Sea- think that for a few I've helped to decide man , November 30 with Tom & Jerry what's worth spending your money on. Clockwork Orange is back where it be- Bouthier and the brilliant Stretch & Vem. And for the rest of you clubbing virgins longs, at The Camden Palace, Camden All of course with residents Seb Fontaine, out there, next time you mad-for-it clubby Hi¿i Street, NI 9-7am. After a number of Luke Neville, and Graig Richards. Worth mates put on their shinny shoes, head up excursions across the cqjital Clockwork dressing up for, I think so. has finally come home, and about ñicking town and dance the night away, tag along. time too. This is one of the largest nights This one should tickle your testicles, even Your never know you might really enjoy of the clubbing calendar, a real diamond though I've never he^ of it before (but it and if not well shit happens. amongst a lot of dog shit. On the Novem- that doesn't mean much). Ultimate Spe- ber 30 we have Jeremy Healy, Judge cial at The End, West Central Street, Don't forget UoS Club, this Saturday the Jules, Sister Bliss, Tony De Vit, Seb Fon- WCl. Check out this line up, Carl Cox, guest DJ is Felatio (what's that all about taine, Andy Manston, Tony Grimley and The Idjut Boys, Darren Emerson, Luke 5ien?). You don't have to worry about Von,. So get those orange shirts out from Solomon, Harvey and Jim Masters, all on getting the last train home or getting the back of the wardrobe and wingle your the 23 . For info call 0171 419 9199. mugged on the way back from town, and arse, cos it's going to be large. Get tickets the DJ line looks good for this weekend. Other good club nights to check out this early or just don't bother. Experience is what you get when you month include United Kingdom, don't get what you want. Think about Yet again the Ministry of Sound, Gaunt Wandsworth, SW18, Gatecrasher at it.-Numnuts Street, SEI, is looking good. Basically,
Tke Mm^fMlmL.. BARE SIDE The woni nightmare tor nuist 0Î us cam ïm for one old ladi). Umè a dt year oíd uiDiMit in Hermann mas reriíñeá dead from heart failure. îlfter the mourners bd left the praire digger uias filling the hole uthen he heard a hiioching as if the old moman mas hkhing the coffm (id. and fine people from the funeralfirmstood around fortP minutes listening mhilst the sound greuf fainter and fmallg stopped. They then carried on MR HANSON ALWAYS and filled the grane. ENJOYED HALLOWEEN fttAm
Nice Shoes....Fancy A F^*K? Job Shop ave you ever chael! On the other hand, At least I'm not as bad as Help Desk wondered why I've also been ready to break some people. An acquain- the minute you into the Olympic lOOm to the tance of mine whilst a bit UrgeotljrNeedVolunteen Hmeet someone you want nearest 'ladies' having been drunk at a club in Spain ap- to "get to know", the first on the receiving end of lines proached a girl and al^r slith- such as: ering around her for a while, TostaKthis senice words that come out of went up to her and said (with your mouth are normally - "Yourfather must be a thief an extremely straight face) If you are free for one hour the most inane stupid or who stole the starsfrom the "Nice shoes...fancy a f**kr' Q week on Mondoy or things you have ever said sky and put them in your At which point we all ran for Wednesdo/t>etween 12 eyesT inyourUfe? Thekindof cover but fantastically ond 2pm and are Interested comments that have you - "If beauty is in the eye ofthe enough, she just batted her In helping your fellow diving for cover under beholder then you must be a eyela^es (and YES - she was students and working English!) and was seen an your duvet with vision from heavenV as part of a team, embarrassment the next hour later disappearing out morning. If this has (These will make you the door with him in tow. I never happened to you, cringe!) wouldn't suggest you try this as you couid end up wiüi a please come and find me, - "Hi, I'm Pinnochio, sit on rather sore hand print across but I warn you - knock myface and / 'II teil you a lie'' your fece or a pint of some- loud - because I am - "Have you got a mirror in thing over your head! I guess cuirently surrounded by your knickers...because I can at the end of the day it's up to enough feathers to keep a see myself in them" the kind of person you choose million ducks warm until to chat up as to Üie kind of the next ice age! You have to agree that the reaction you are going to fou! My recent interest in this is person Willing to deliver elicit. Contact Beccy Jones, due to being on the receiving those lines is the last person Student Affolrs Officer on you want anywhere near your (and giving -1 confess) end of 259228 or ext 9228 or Uz M&S undies! LizM some of tiie worst chat-up Thompson, Weifare Offk^er lines in history! What is a However, before I continue to on 259263 or ext 9263 chat-up line? By defmition put all these people down, I (my own!) it's supposed to be must confess that my own a witty one-liner that makes personal chat up lines fall the person you're talking to somewhere between cringe- suddenly collapse at your feet worthy and downright em- in adoration. Well, if that's barrassment. A couple of weeks ago, having spotted a so - why is there an extremely rather scnimptious male on vacant area near my Timber- the dancefloor, wiggled my lands? I am the first to admit way over and established eye that Coming up with a good contact I then realised that chat-up line has to be one of something needed to be said. the most impossible feats in Do you know that not one life itself but occasionally I intelligent or witty comment have t^en fortunate to stand carne into my brain! Now in awe of someone who has I'm the first to admit that that just delivered the most per- I'm no Einstein but I hardly fect line. Once I was in a club fall into Barbie-Doll terri- in Camden, happily chatting tory..and yet nothing! After away when I was approached much deliberation, (Lord knows how I can bring myself by a rather pleasant looking to teil you this!) I tumed to man. Onreachmgmehetook him, t^ped him on the Shoul- my drink out of my hand and der, bent over his ear and in with a small smile said: "if my soiitest voice said: "1 you need to hold something, know this sounds corny but how about my hand? Will you have beautiful eyes". you please dcmce with mé7" The truth was that he did in Ulis may have some of you fact have quite amazing eyes reaching for the nearest sick but that's beside the point! b^ but it was executed with The poor man looked so em- such grace and modesty, be- barrassed he just smiled, said fore I knew what I was doing "thank you" and turned Dress in Black I was under the nearest Spot- around. Needless to say, he National No Pees Day light swaying to George Mi- hasn't been seen for dust 5th November since! feature The lock-lady of Guildford.
uring the mother who was old beyond mother and her three month her years, and who suffered old child. Mary's brother had from weak lungs and walked asked them to join him and his with a bad stoop. She looked wife in Godalming, but the old Dnineteen-thirties, more like a woman of ninety. woman refused. She con- a tall thin man Mary Harris's father has de- tracted pneumonia, and passed could often be seen by the serted the family when Mary away in her bed, Mary at her lock on the canal that was just two, leaving his wife side. runs through Guildford. to look after Mary and her older brother. The brother had Over the next few weeks Mary He was a quiet found himself a good job as a found she could hardly bear to was clearly dead. The baby, middle-aged man, well carpenter's apprentice, but he be in the old house - she though distressed, was un- lived in Godalming and could missed her dear mother known in Guildford as a harmed. only visit on rare occasions. greatly, and so would wrap clerk in one of the High young Thomas up and take Street banks. Once or When he heard the news, Mary started work young to hhn out on short walks. He Mary's brother arrived to ar- twice a week, after dark, help her mother pay the rent, was getting older now and she range her burial. He took he would go to the lock but the two women were still couto't carry him for long, so Thomas and he and his wife behind what is now very poor. As if their misery she often just went down to the raised Thomas as their own. Debenhams, hoping to wasn't great enough, Mary canal and walked along the Mary Harris never knew that edge, watching the barges. On see a glimpse of the lock had got pregnant by one of the her baby had been rescued and townsmen, and was now strug- one such occasion she was by was safe and well. Every so lady of Guildford. gling to bring up a baby son, the lock when a group of chil- often locals would claim to At the end of the nineteenth Thomas. He was a healthy dren came running towards have seen the ghostly figure of century, barges were still a baby with bright blue eyes and her chasing a hoop from an old a young woman walking by common sight on the canal - a fine head of dark brown hair, barrel. So engrossed in their the canal, looking into the and Mary's worid revolved game were they that they water - Mary Harris searching aroimd him. She would often didn't see Mary and ran for her lost baby. Other locals carry him on walks around the straight into her, knocking the reported seeing a young castle grounds and by the ca- well-wrapped baby into the woman sitting on the bank, nal, despite the chattering canal. Hardly stopping to sobbing. townsfolk who would say think, Mary jumped into the "There goes Mary Harris and canal after her baby - she'd lost Thomas Harris grew up to see her bastard son". She had her mother and she wasn't go- motor vehicles take the place not the pleasure barges we see agreed with the father not to ing to lose Thomas. But in her of the barges that killed his today, but the working barges disclose his identity, for he haste she had jumped in front mother. As he grew older, he of yesteryear. They weren't as was a married man, and in re- of one of a barge, and was heard the story of the lock- common as they had once been turn he gave her a small sum crushed between the barge and lady of Guildford and, realis- - the railway had seen to that - each month to feed and clothe tiie bank. The quick thinking ing it must be his mother, but they were still used heavily Thomas, but rarely did the bargeman pulled the bundle of would often go looking for her to transport sand, firewood, money last the whole month. blankets holding Thomas out so he could show her that he and wool. At this time there of the water witii one of the was alive and well and that she lived one Mary Harris, a nine- In the winter of 1893, old Mrs long wooden hooks used to needn't keep searching for teen year old seamstress who Harris's condition worsened. unload the sacks of wool from him. But he never found her. the barge. He then turned his lived in a small house not far She became very frail and attention to the mother, but she -Andy from the centre of the town. eventually bed-ridden, and She lived there with her Mary had to care both for her
Hâïmm étrange But îruc.-. The sun dies on bloody hill. m Î984 in ©cuit) 2lfttca t^ecc twê a forge mimber of The stones recorded. 1 lift up believing eyes beyond, n3itef)^bittningé, police acreiiteb 18 milagecê for burning Believing in both death and resurrection. aim a eoupie in a oiliage at ^ofetEjIane. 3n t^e fiebonxi A night in a haunted cottage I have spent. région êcucn inocc pcopte rccrê butneb anb troo ^«ng in tije But not carved vegetables, nnt mont^, ait of m^om ^b bcen accuéeb of just a carved and shaped heart will do. Roaring fires are mirrors eêpecioiiî) biteciing iigf)icnin9 botté ai people ai;b ptoperiç. of what bums inside my heart. 18 miict) boctoré vom atreéteb for tbeêe murberê, aé t^tx) Each camp has our share of freaks Conmen, the shallow, archipelago cliques. au aê&cb to 'êniff oui' tljoéc vûi)o btceci tije botté. mib I'm so thankful 1 dived deeper, for it's true Jebruati} 12 peopte ijab been éacrificeb, inctubing tmo He finds, who seeks. Brett MUner TOomen ro^o mtc tieb to t^e bac^ of a lott^ anb tbcn merc éct at{gi)t. e Copyright Harvey Atkinwn 1996 A M F HET' Amt (AMPHETAMINES L^ SPEEP, SULPHATE)
Amphetamine Sulphate is a class B controlied drug, ( dass 'A' if designed for injection). THERt IS NO STANPARPISEP QÜALITY OF AÄAPHETAAALNES OR 5ome amphetamines are ANY OTWER PRUG. IT MAY PE CUT WJTH A WRlFTY illegal pnsscribed. Otherwise it is illegal OF iWPÜRlTjES SUCH AS TALCUW POWPER ANP, AS A to possess, supply or produce. RESULT IT IS RARAY AAORE THAN SX PURE WHEN SOLP ON (unless authorised to do so), THE STIJEFTS. öimilarly it is illegal to allow premises to be used for the THE PRUG COA^S IN THE FORM OF A COLOUREP OR OFF supply or production of WHITE POWPER ANP IS PACl^AGtP IN A 'WRAP' MAPE FROM amphetaminesi AN ENmOPE OF FOLPEP PAPER. XT CAN PE TAIGEN PY SNORTÌNG, SWAUOWING, PRONli E.G WITM JUICE OR PY INJECTING. XT |S USUALLY SOLP PY THE GRAM.
Amphetamines cause the SHOI^T TERM EFFECTS user to feel mors confident, include an increase in talkative and cheerful. breathing & heart rate, Concentraüon ie Increased dilation of the pupils and but this is usual^ oniy with suppression of appetite. Single repeütive tasks. It Is Because amphetamine is also used in dubs as a cut with a variety of dance stimulant. impurities It is particularly dan^erous to inject. To the user th&r thinking may seem ciearer but YAK/ , to the non user, tìi^ may appear to have Verbal diarrhœa' or be c^ fìd^ety. After the efPects have wom off, the user may feel tìnsd. anxious, irritable and restless. High doses can LONG TERM EFFECTS produce panie and include weakness due to lack even hallucinations. of sieep, food and lowered resistance to disease. TViere may also be deiusions, hallucinations, paranoia and amphetamine psychosis (severe mental diöorder).
Amphetamines do not proäüCG physical äepenäence, but users may become peycholo^ically dependent and upon stoppin^ may experience intense depreesbn. I LM
Presents A Night Of Upfront Hanc s- -The Air Fu On ANTH EMS With Guest DJ Fe atio (Ministry of Sound Tour, Heaven, Club UK, Leisure Lounge) Helyn Rose Bar Saturday Nov 2nc £4 - No Guests Harder than your average bear , UNIVERSITY USSU Ents Planner Week Ending Nov 1 I OF SURREY UNION Stage Crew Presents Cheesy Dutch Soft Pom
Por those who amn't getiing out much CZLLJB Saturday Friday JHE ONE AND ONLY u< £4 Feat ur fc> "ellatio FEAT CHRIS HASLAH ieaven, C ub UK, Leisure Lounge
Sunday .^ FREE BAm üCiccIl^itaiills,, In the Upper Bar OLIVERS AR»IY Available from 7pm OFU Film - Se7en
Tuesdayy/QlgS HOUSC £1 .50 Wednesdoy/Xhe lUewcastle Brown Ale Keith Donnelly National Comedy Network DAN FREEDMAN tíiáá Hundreds of Newcastle Brown Ale T-Shirts to be Won!!
Thursday The onfy Smoki|^& Drin^^^^ Fridav I DONI BEUEVE IT, IBOHT BELIEVE U, FREE FILM ^ irS THE BNE AND ONLY SonofThe Wild Turkemmy BourboliiiKöiwn' Pink Panther 75p with mixer Bor open tili 11:45pm!! FEAT ANDY JAMES
Saturday Sunday MIM) Still only £1 all nigK WILDWOOD iÜM OFU Film - Goldeneye Guests Allowed TitC' rmim CoMpui Pizza ^ewux; Dimt To' Yowv Doofv! ¿¿¿A À A TTTT T T TTT X3444 NEIV DELIVERY SERVICE FROM 7pm EACH EVENING n uose Bar eAwojf Seiwee on^m I2'2pm YOUR SOCIAL LIFE NEEDS YOU
TO VOICE SN OMION ON TBE milRE OF ÜSSD ENTS Contrary to populär belief« USSU Ents is Q democracy, not an autonomy. The Ents Team meet in the Grant Mitchell Room every Monday at 6pm Ents is crap? Do something about it! o Copyright H«rv«y Atiringon 1996 í^i-KXi- f/îrf?/ïrE5
Alkyl Nitrites are medicinal j^B-^oRjrriOf/ producte and are controlleá by the Medicines Act 196d. Only Aim IflTPlTES (POPPERS) ARE A doctore and chemists may GROUP OF CHEAAICALS WHKH iNaUPE suppíy medicines to the pubiic. it am KlTRlTE. BUTYl KlTRiTE. ANP is illegal for anybody else to produce 'poppere' (uniess rsOPUTYL HITRITE. THEY GENERALLY authorised to do so), or supply COAAE IN S^^ALL POTTIES WITH SCREW them. As poppers are not TOPS OR PLUG TOPS, AS A aEAR induded in the Misuse of Dru^s Act you would think rt to legal to YELLOW LlQUjP WITH A SWEET SMELL possess them. According to the WHEN FRESH. THEY ARE AVAILABLE |N Medicines Act it is not legal to SEK SHOPS. aUPS ANP PARS. ANP possess them, (unless authorised to do so). However it SOLP UNPER THE PRANP NAAAES OF is most unlikely that an individual RUSH. T H T RAW^ ETC would be prosecuted for possession. ^
It is mostly used as a dance enhancer on the 7 club cinîuit but can aiso be used as a muscle relaxant and sôcual stimulant.
It is usually sniffed dinsctJy from the bottle and once inhaled, effects last for 2-5 minutes. The There have not been effect is a head rush similar to hyperventilation as the blood vessels any reporte of dilate, heart rate incnsases and blood rushes to the brain. additional adveree comec\uer\cee resulting from lon^ term use.
Reduced blood pnsssure which could lead to unconsciousness, Heart attacks have been recorded but no fatalities have been reporteà. Users ofCai experience weakness, headaches, nausea and vomiting. The effects ans incnsased if mixed with other drugs Igtf Regular use can lead to skin complaints, sometimes ^Mp accompanied t^ swelling of the nasal passages. TTiis substance ^ is highiy dangerous if swallowed and can lead to death. Nitrites have not been reported as causing any dependence. Uñ^kWms
SINGLE OF TQE AMERICA - Mach 5 ÌVEEK (Columbia) Ali Expenses Paid Holiday To Amsíer- K'e CHOICE - Hot I remember thinking that dam For 1^0 Wiih £500 Spendine an Aààlct (Epic) Teaches' was repetitive and monotonous but no matter "Nice little Belgian rock how hard I tried I couldn't get band" you might say, but very the song out of my head, and good playing, a beautiful it seemed that no-one else In voice, wondeifuUy true; hurt- could either. 'MachS' isn't as ^e at <{^antazia ara interested seeiog ful and cutting lyrics combine catchy as 'Peaches', and cer- yOttr ideas for the next ^lub ^lassics to make this an amazing sin- tainly isn't as inspired as Volume ^ree album cover. SVe would ask gle. Get it especially for the 'Lump' but it pretty much that you bear in mind that tbe fírst album last 2 tracks, which you won't conforms to type, meaning I find in their forthcoming al- suspect, that Í'U be spending was an ángel and tbe latest ^lub «eiassics bum "Paradise in Me". Don't the next 2 months in therapy album was a f)evil. ^^fjhat next? get it if you're absolutely trying to erase it from my bonkers. Maño. mind. Vicki. ^e would like án original drawing and a favouríte up or tracklisting. ^magination ts more important tban superb drawing skills. Tbe cover idea tbat is picked LÍVING5T0NE - FEEDER - Stereo wtll ^n tbe prize and it may be claimed at Gooá intentions World (Echo) any time during 1997. 5(11 entrants wiU (Silvertone) receive a <61ub ^lassicS poster and tbe top A fine siice of Britrock, imag- twenty-fíve ideas v^ll win a ftee fantasia ine a iite-Therai>y or even And now for a song that is, by Smashing Pumpkins without ^f) ot cassette. 5111 entríes must be at their own admission, com- the angst. A good record and This is a big hip-hop piece of work that is guaranteed to make it hard for you to stop yourself from strutting your stuíf ali over the place. It's veiy hard to imagine that it's the same person who also did the B sides, since these are so shite. But its the title track we're interested in. Mario. THE PRE5IDENT5 OF THE UNITED 5TATE3 OF ALBUM OF IHE WEEIi 6UFER DELUXE- (probably wjiat eveiyonc cai)s are tioi VARIOUS AKTI5TS - end 96 - spnng 97. Mano. and you'U be spared the angst 5ASHA& JOHN ••••••• of knowing that you've been DIGWEED - Browser (Schtumm) had. Vìch. Northern Exposure Basically a preview of 3 art- THE SMASHING (Ministra of Sound) ists' Works. Avatar (Alex PUMPKINS - Pisoes Bradley), Ultra-Vert ALEX REECE - So Ah. Nice idea this, get Dr. Sa- (Masayuki Ishikawa) & iscariot (Hut) sha and Nurse Diggers to ad- Kitchen Cynic (Jake Slater). Far (4th and minister a big dose of their Avatar has that jungle-techno Call me a cynic, but releasing Broadway) silky smooth medicine on the tough where the rfiythms start an album like this one (a com- nation, one chilled out CD and simple and graduaìly expand pilation of b-sides, studio out- Bubbly fredi drum'n'bass that a more clubby one too. Ah, into a combined network leav- takes and 1 BBC session track) should tickle the fancy of ali that's better. Unfortunately ing you mesmerised by it ali borders on "ripping your fans you frustrated clubbers out the flawless mixing is just a and thirsty for some more. off territory. I doubt very there. Sort of a "listen to whilst little too good and fails to get Deflnitely the better one of the much that under normal cir- you're doing something else" your blood pumping. Some of album. Ultra-Vert's first track cimistances Td be mshing out CD. 'So Far' is the debut al- the tracks are straight out of is a rather pathetic excuse for to buy it. Most of the tracia on bum from the talented Alex the top draw, Dope on Plastic, banging on some kitchen uten- this album aren't a patch on Reece. It has been described as Underworld, Fuzzy Logic, sils, but the second is a those previously available on "one of the most ground banging epic house at its best. dammed sight better, in fact the standard albums, and it breaking drum'n'bass records But the way the dynamic duo quite good, kind of rock- does seem that they've just of 1996". I wouldn't go that are putting their sets together techno-ish with no sauce pans, bundled together songs that far, but it does have some re- nowadays means you get great thank God. Kitchen Cynic for one reason or another ally storming tunes on it. 'Feel long swathes where nothing shows US some of his wide weren't good enough in their the Sunshine' is a mellow and much happens. The music spectrum of ability with 3 very own right before. With only a happy blend of smooth vocals fades out, stands around for a différent tracks. The first has few exceptions this album is a with trippy backbeats (sounds while, twiddles its thumbs and this futuristic aura to it It is disappointment; itsoundslike a bit like Bjork remixed). then decides to get going slow paced, relaxing, with an The Smashing Pumpkins only 'Pulp Friction' is more unfor- again. Too much "wavy arms aboriginal backdrop. The sec- much, much worse. I have a lot giving, stomping its way in the air" not enough ond has a more jimgleish beat, of time for the band and in the through hard bass lines. A "WHOOMP". This is a good but without that vrruuummm past considered them to have good effort to try and intro- album, just not that good. Re- crap ev«y second. The third musical integrity-apparently 1 duce a more housey, housey member those hazy summer is more mystic, with a slight was wrong. Don't be seduced feel to what is traditionally the days when Sasha was god, orientai touch. His work is by the "previously unavailable more obscure world of dium well I think they might be generally strange, but veiy in- tracks" sales pitch, buy a blank 'n' bass but if you are not re- coming to an end, we'll have teresting. I like it. Remember tape instead and record any ally into that sort of thing I to wait and see. Numnuts. though, this is a preview of the Smashing Pumpkins b-sides wouldn't experiment with Äis artists' own albums, which you can find on to it The proc- album. Thanx but no thanx. should be coming out ess might take a while Numnuts. but it'll be cheaper ìiii^tlkvitm My Story Union House 20/10/96 OK, I think everyone knows handing out cans of ¿le scene - USSU, Sunday beer...which were night free band. Well, nothing carefiilly placed out of changed tonight - tiiere were reach of the front row. still only four people on the Damn. dancefloor by the time the first band came on, and two of Amazingly, everyone them were Security. was standing up by the time My Life Band name: Gretschen Hof- Story appeared, and ner...I finally guessed how to we all immediately spell it after the lead singer discovered that you had said it three times. A lead should not look at singer who was very brave in Jake Shillingford's the circumstances, i.e. very shiny costumes. much alone, and who even Bright. They managed to talk to the, uhm, launched straight into crowd. Well, Mel and me their first number were the crowd and we had ('Booted and Suited', interesting conversations I think), along with Jake's with the frontman about Sa- trade move, a right leg kick, tanic ritual sacrifice in Guild- in amongst him camping it up 3 Colours Red + Jolt ford, and I managed to get a utterly and totally wiSi the song dedicated to me about violinist. Each song was The Garage, London 17 Oct 1996 "mass murder and the pur- ripped right through, barely a poseless killing of innocent breath in between...and eve- ryone knew what the finale people for no particular rea- we are the baby Wildhearts, would be, as much as MLS ne year ago 3 son". Nice. They apparently they can fuck off', possibly knew everyone was waiting Colours Red, the have a single out soon, which in answer to much of the for it. If '12 Reasons Why' band formed should be worth a look - the o criticism levelled at them by had been earlier, people from former members of ability of the players here set the weekly music papers. would have drifted off. Any- them apart from your normal the Senseless Things, They can only dream about way, as '12 Reasons...' play-by-numbers mass-pro- Skyclad, Forgodsake and being The Wildhearts. The kicked in, the crowd finally duction briQ)op. Diamond Head, were Wil^earts were, and how it let rip, understandably, it be- undeniably the best hurts to talk of them in the ing such a brilliant song. Af- Which is what, unfortunately, unsigned band in Britain. past, the best band this coun- ter this, silence from the Surrey Uni's next victims, try has produced for over a stage...and nothing but si- Would they still be that Ether, tended towards. decade, great songs veering lence. Why there were two good on the final date of Fronted by the boy with the from raging hardcore to the encore songs down on the their first headlining tour helium voice (rather than X- most mellow of pop mo- playlist, I will never know. after signing to Creation? Ray eyes), this lot was good ments. 3 Colours Red can And just for all the readers, I for a loud night out/mindless First up mougn are Jolt featur- only hope to be such a band. did try and scroimge an inter- mosh sort of thing, but was ing another Senseless Tiling It is not that they are a bad view...a slightly forlorn effort lacking the variation of Gret- Mark Keds and BB Mets from band, far from it, it is just at half past ten at night, but it schen Hoftier. They at least Mambo Taxi, they play a that I have seen them so was an attempt. Sorry. Bye. had the benefit of some extra good set of punky rock, the much better than this per- people turning up...could it be male-female lead vocal shar- formance so many times, that the Union was develop- Mark ing is certainly interesting and this show lacked any spar- ing an...atmosphere?!?! Well, is theh^ main feature. They kle, it seemed like the band EAer did at least receive a bit were just going through the play a mixture of songs from of polite applause after each motions, maybe they just of Aeir numbers, and by now, WANTKD their debut EP 'Sex and aren't hungry enough any- a sizeable crowd was form- Cheques' and a cover of a more. There is no doubt mg, predictably, I suppose, as IF YOU WANT TO songfix>m the Slits, while en- whatsoever that they have it was nearly time for My Life WUITE MUSIC couraging everyone to buy the great songs, 'Copper Girl' is Story...even so, there was ob- dways stunning and 'Sunny UEVIEWSFOR new Spice Girls single to "get viously not enough reason for rid of Boyzone". Definitely a In England' should be next this legendary audience to get BARE FACTS band to watch in the future. summers smash single. 3 into thmgs. It was a problem Colours Red have been one for most people to stand up, CONTACT noni It is not that 3 Colours Red of the most consistent live mind you. Ether left the stage VIA THE BAUE " were bad on this night it is just bands in the last year, it was to the very first cheer of Ae FACTS OFFICE that they weren't as good as I disappointing that they night, lucky them...cue know they can be. It is inter- seemed so flat at the Garage, roadies dismantling drum esting that 3 Colours Red but I guess everyone has an kits, assembling drum kits, frontman says early in their off nijit. Rob. set "if anyone thinks Cinema OFtPs 'Se7en' Deadly Sins!! was told quite firmly year's most spine tingling death. On arriving in Las today that last thrillers. Brad Pitt and Morgan Vegas, he meets lady of the Freeman act their socks off night (Schue), who falls for Iweek's column was while searching for a serial kil- him. However, this doesn't blatantly untrue and that ler (a raüier psychotic Kevin stop Cage going down the slip- I should remove ali porky Spacey), murdering people pery slide, in tiiis Oscar win- pies from this week's, who he feels have committed ning performance. the Se7en deadly sins. Bring else I would be for the your sick bags along for some Leaving Las Vegas is showing chop. Gulp! of cinema's most disgusting in LTG on Wednesday at 8pm. So, it is with great pleasure corpses. Also watch out for the To see either film, toddle over that OFU present this week's "Oh, I can't believe it!" last to the Union Societies post fibn, 'Se7en - A Love Story'. scene. Prepare to barf. room and fill in an advanced ticket coupon. Select your film Starring someone called enees are dwindling and where Se7en will be showing in Lec- and pop the ticket in the OFU Bradley Pitt and the super we're going wrong? Then ture Theatre G on Sunday at box. Then give us £2 on the Morgan Freeman, the film fol- come along to the OFU piss up 5pm and 8pm and on Monday door and marvel at the great lows Üie two searching for the - Tuesday 6pm LTH - or whop at 8pm. Please feel free to valué for money. meaning of true love. They go your suggestions in the OFU about Ais by finding Se7en bring your teddy to hide be- That wouldn't be my course of box. Meetings are very sloppy particularly cunning clues: hind / pillow to bury your head action. I personally would affairs that not only the brave Brad and Morgan get one step in / sick bag so that we don't come along to LTG before a attend. closer by findmg people who have to clear the mess up after- fihn and buy a rapidly running have committed the Se7en wards. Whoops, the columnist out "Pick and Mix" ticket. £6 Thought of the week: In true deadly sins. Unfortunately, by is Coming back! for any 4 films! Marvellous! Halloween spirit, I can inform the time that they get to these you that it is only 47 shopping Now l've had my tea, l'il people, they have ali been At this pomt, I shall mention days imtil Christmas! move on to the Art's film. This gruesomely murdered. A bit the fact that OFU will be week we are showing 'Leav- sad really, but be assured showing a separate, Robert Brucey ing Las Vegas' starring Nicho- there's a happy ending, when Rodriguez late night double las Cage and Elizabeüí Schue. P.S. For all ofthose people we Bradley fìnds tìiat his wife has bilí in Week 12. From Dusk TTiis is not to be confiised with had to tum away because we gone completely off her head! Til' Dawn and Desperado are the comedy "Honeymoon In cancelled the Sunady Bpm (Boom, Boom!). the films. More news next Vegas", also starring Nicholas showing of 'Babe', come and week. Cage, as Leaving Las Vegas is see US before this week's OFIT Chmrman's Note: The showings of'Se7en' andwe'll a powerful drama and not Wanna give us some advice on columnist has just nipped off make sure you don't loose out fiinny at ali! We follow alco- what we should be showing for his tea, so I can teli you that money-wise. Se7en is in fact one of the holic Nicholas Cage's at- you next semester? Wanna tempts to drink himself to just point out why our audi- Odeon Cinema, Guildford Week Commencing Friday Ist November 1996 The Fan (15) The Nutty Professor (12) Fri&Sat at 3.45, 6.30, 9.30 Fri & Sat at 12.55,3.10, 5.20, 9.55 Sun to Thürs at (12.55 not Sun), 3.30,6.10, 8.45 Sun to Thürs at 1,00,3.40, 8.30 Brassed Off (15) Emma(ir) Fri&Satat 3.15,5.40, 8.00 Fri & Sat at 7.30 Sun to Thürs at (1.20 not Sun & Thürs), 3.45,6.15, 8.40 Sun to Thürs at 6.00 Dragonheart(PG) Top Ten Film Special Fri & Sat at 12.45,3.00, 5.15 The Exorcist Sun to Thürs (except Wed) at 1.30,4.00,6.25 Saturday 2ndNovember 1996, Doors open at I0.05pm, film only at 10.15pm Chain Reaction (12) Fri & Sat at 7.35,10.00 Film for ail Seasons Sun to Thürs (except Wed) at 8.50 The Close Encounters of The Third Kind (PG) Wednesday 6th November 1996 at 2.00,5.30, 8.15 The Wind in the Willows (U) Fri&Satat 1.15 Saturday Morning Picture Show Sun to Thürs at 1.20 Flipper (PG)at 10.40 The Hunchback of Notre Dame (U) at 10.55 Jack (PG) Free Willy2, The Adventure Home (U) at 11.00 Fri&Satat 1.00 James and the Giant Peach (U) at 10.50 Sun to Thürs at 1.10 AU seatsjust£l Covering Letters once interviewed ing for than if it were a CV, them. You might consider in- closingyour completed form, someone who had but they stili like to see a cov- cluding somet^g about how tell them when and where you ering letter almost as a mark much you are attracted to the saw the job advertised and made 350 I of respect. The only time you woricforwhichyou are apply- then thank them for consider- applications to don't need a letter is when ing and also why you would ing your application. you are applying to employ- like to work for them in par- employers and had got If you'd like to see an exam- absolutely nowhere. It ers visiting the University on ticular. the Milkroimd. ple of a covering letter why was almost as if she'd The next para^aph is cruciai. not drop in to the Careers written "please don't Actually, the word 'covering' You sho^d highlight, possi- Service and pick up a copy of employ me" across the is a bit of a misnomer. The last bly using "bullet" points, just the leaflet 'Curriculum Vi- thing you are tp^ing to do is what you have to offer. Even tae'. A good letter can make envelope. As it cover up what is to follow in thou^ this invariably régur- the différence between out- happened, the only thing either your application form gitâtes things you've already right rejection and an invita- sheM done was fail to or your C V. On the contrary, covered in your CV, it stili tion to interview. your letter should encourage draws their attention to the include a letter with any Russ Clark of her applications. But it the employer to want to read specific relevant attributes more about you. which you are offering. Careers Service does prove just how PS Final years Don't forget If your application is specula- The final paragraph is simply important they are. my talk "The interview and tive, in which case the main a wr^ping up affair to in- how to enjoy it" on Tuesday, thing you are trying to do is to clude how muchyou look for- 5th November 1 - 1.30p.m. in Basically, employers are not bring your CV to their atten- ward to hearing from them LTG. mind-readers. You can't as- tion, you can't go far wrong and summarising your avail- sume they automatically in constructing your letter ability for interview. PPS Just in: supplies of the know why you have written along the following lines. graduate employment direc- A letter accompanying an ap- to them. If you are sending an tory '00' and 'The Students' plication form, on the other application form, it's more The opening paragraph Guide to Postgraduate hand, need only be brief. obvions what you are apply- should introduce who you are Study'. Both free. and why you're writing to State simply that you are en- •UNIVERSITY OF SURREY- COMING UP WEEK 9 M CAREERS TALKS THE INTERVIEW AND HOW TO ENJOY IT TUESDÀySNOyEMBEK 1.00. UOpm In LTG "•"NjjiK An iniroduetian lo the interview workshop on Weänesday. Wm THAT JOB Part-time and casual work THURSDA Y 7 NOVEMBER IM -1.30 pm in LT M One showing of video "How io be Interviewed". A careers advisor will be présent io diseuss any points which arise. available from the Job-Shop «A********* Students' Union Reception GEORGETOWN XJNTVÉRSnY, WASHINGTON yg FRIDAnNOVEMBER 1.00.100 pminLTG Come and see what's on offer Hear about posigradaate work in t/ie Untied States, aeademic opportunities andfinanciai aid resources available at Georgetown University. Mofldayllpoi'lpiii SKILLS TRAINING HOW TO SURVIVE THE INTERVIEW Vednesilaylipiii'lpiii WEDNESDAY6 NOVEMBER iOO . 4.00pm in LTB This workshop is designed io help you äeveiop an effective interview technique. Please register for this session by Monday 4 November. —CAREERS SERVICE fttmús • Mr Friday Night -1 need a Dan, would you mind re- • Sally HNC, Your supposed • Charlie says "teil your word with you please - movmg it please! to drink the beer not pour it mum where you're going" You-know-who JemappelleTarick. over your head. Was it fìat or face sitting • Senior House Resident Re- Zoe B - Did you break the • M+M's, sweet on the out- • How about a coffee quired No 64 (We miss you bed in 167 WTC? side but nutty on the inside James...at your place for a change? M+M Nicky...xx) Doms students get higher • Limpit Boy - I've locked • M&M - Are you chocolaty maries than SBS students. myself out - Lisa x • Caroline,Clare, Karen an- inside or just nuts?! other Martini? Wicked Italian girls would like to • A Casual Relation- ship...hmmmmm that's a party Caroline! Cheers! • We have bunnies at our twin the Greek Society tough one. But no thanks to Stuart house. Anyone for rabbit If Ilio is thick, is no one's pie. T. • KARA, thanks for the cof- fault. • Where's your caravan, • Wet and cold down thanks for a brilliant week- fee! What's next? Come where's the duck? around to taste my speciali- there....Reynard end all our love Lump, Fat Hello there to all the gang Boy and Wonderwoman ties. Banana Man. • So Simon, no sex then. Bad luck old chap. from Hse. 52 U/C last year • Shitem for Senior Resident • Co-Co the Clown you are (95-96). Thanks for the e- my life. Lots of love your • M&M - I thought only • Chris, are you going on any mails! Emma Parker lurve muffm smarties had the answer more interior design les- M&M - Do you melt in the sons at the Ram? • Lost-bag, lighter, hair con- • Phwart mouth but not in the hand? ditioner, sleeping bag and • Hi, my names' ms52hl, • CLO We love you! The Mei - stay off my box, but one brain what's yours?. Cleaners xx you can sit on my micro- • Boy meets Girl, Boy likes • The retards are back! wave anytime! • Karen - we know you like Girl. Boy chats girl, Girl vegetables, but lay off the Well done Rich. Will you chats boy. Then came along • How rauch ? cucumbers buy me a printer now? a drunk b*****d who • We are watching you. The • Percy Road, do you still spoils it ail Want my scarf Institute. Oi w*anker - éléphant al- have Tom's picture on your back Stuart. Ahhhhhüü • To the lads at DOMS: You right! Love Management fridge door...how sad. and Pippi • To the honouree committee realise that you have to do • Chris would like to apolo- of the ladymead convent. a lot more than clean our No. 64 now in quaratine gise to the duplex residents, Please may I be reinstated house at 2.30 in the morn- thanks to darling Ruth Stag Hill 9, for redecorat- back into the covent. I have ing to impress us! To the ugly blokes at no.22, mg their bathroom leamt my lesson for the sins did you pull? • M&M - How good are you • Attention- Mark needs a I committeed. Your SR Hy- at attracting extraterrestri- Hello There Anna Chiesa girlfriend- contact poconria als? Les We all love you and your [email protected]. • Mission 7: Norwegian, was • Rich - it's time to change rusty Corsa Love Mrs now it successful Yakka? vegetables! you're tuming A.Gelling • Dan No.9-come in-Emily • Found - bag, lighter, hair orange Should we buy or should be • Fatboy, bet she played on conditioner, sleeping bag seil? SELL, SELL, SELL! • Caroline G and Lucy G the wing or you would of • Dominic: lunch, Friday, WHY? Because we've got (Top 2nd year DOMS gone back for more, or Ipm. Shall we raake it an birdsü!) Thanks for the too much were you just waiting on irregular occurance? M+M card and pressie. Love Estelle -1 like my rice well Chrissie? • DISARM me you SICK-0 Emma Parker done, but not on fire • Announcement- Hong's • FLEAS and MICO PLAS- • Emma Adshead of Bat- S - our darling dietitain, hair has ^own another mil- MAS!! tersea Court Is A Sex your our latest love target limétré Godess mission, in you coat so sexy • JUDITH, do you think your • Comboine harrrves- and white it's you we want the only one in this court? • 4a torsüül! In a Real on friday night • Alix We Love Parsley Sage Narrrrfuk accent! • Mission 8 : If you choose to accept it, a mech Eng! Dim Rosemary & Thymme Clare - we hear two pints • yyeeerrs this weeks exams Davies you're Aying, Rich l and a are over ! ! • To ail the 'True players' half out there Keep it Real. • Lisa - you can roll about • Nick how's the hair? (£55) outside my house anytime Kristian - next time one • Thru evry dark nite,there is • Lump, Ed was damn good • Fabrizio - I know you're handed! a bright day ahead, so no looking unlike yourself By matter how hard it gets, re- my secret admirer, can we I think the Bora Brothers the way I wasn't embar- have been abducted by ali- member to meet to decide what to rassed Iwas just hot! do...? luv II Bonone ens... • stick your ehest • Nicci, how are you doing out keep yo'head • Damo, perhaps we should To Liz the cleaner (Hse.52 me old fruit and nut? dig you a hole to stand in! U/C 95-96) Sony I haven't up and 'handle'. • We hear that some retailers sent a postcard from Dal- • Norweigan Climber - will • M&M - Our revenge may are participating in multi- las,Emma (Rm 8 95/96) you be my bed bunny to- be slow but it will be sweet! buy haircuts, aren't they Emma,UNT, missing you a night?! We have to keep • M: It's not an ear ring, it's Saul, Paul and Kam? lot. Lonely bird from Stag those rumours going! just a ring in my ear, you Hill 37. • To Alison Grimes:-Thanks bas#®/o?ds! • Happy Birthday, Jamie Jay Very Much For Handing In 21 again!!! • INFINITELY! Andrea L,(paciugo)don't My Wallet To Security. you dare to use the SBS Ah. • sex drive of a baby hippo computers room again! • Hugo is the merchandising You have been wamed. • Stay cahn, Dave, the HRT lecturer's fevourite! is on its way! (M&M&M) Clübs and Societies Neck-biters Unite An incendiary device was set Yes, we may be mad. Yes, we AGMs/EGMs off in the teaching block two may look strange dressed all weeks ago. This was fol- in black with cloaks, top-hats, Boat Club Please contact Abdul 3418 lowed by strange 'blurs' be- silver knobbed canes and la- Thursday 14th November for more details ing seen on the campus tex swords. Yes, we do have 1996 at 7.30pm Hong Kong Society Gath- security cameras, and a pair some serious fim. Grant Mitchell Room ering Meeting of werewolves duelling in the Please contact Carla on If you fancy partaking in We NIGHTLINC How many times have you ers will tend to choose well- found yourself watching the known figures from the fields Emergency Training Sessions latest multi-million dollar of history, literature or film blockbuster from Hollywood (e.g. James Bond, Judge only to find yourself bounc- Drwld, Princess Leia, Indiana Due to a severe lack of volunteers, the ing up and down, shouting at Jones, Joan of Arc etc.). the screen and clasping your future of Nightlinels In question. If we are head in despair as the hero's 2.storyteller or gamesmas- unable to recruit new volunteers(especlalty partner is cruelly killed in tìie ter - tíiis individual's role is fmal scene as a result of Úie particularly exciting and chal- nnen) we will have to reduce the service to hero's ineptitude ? You just lenging. Not only must they can't help feeling : describe the entire world in two or three nights a week. This is a service which the player's character for students, run by students; without your "You GIMBOID! Even / will interact, but they must could have done better than also manage the story or ad- help the service will collapse. that !" venture itself. In terms of a film, this poor person must Roleplaying is all about as- simultaneously fulfil the roles These training sessions will take place on; suming another person's role of director, producer, script- or character. It's basically act- writer and film cast. ing, but without a stage, cos- Mondoy 28lh October & tume or script. Instep you But why bother ? Because its improvise by using the fun ! Why do people visit the Ulednesdoy 30lh October world's most powerful spe- theatre, cinema or even read a cial effects - your imagination book ? Because it offers a Qt 8pm, venue TBA I break and its enjoyable. If you would like to help out sooner please Generally, roleplaying is If you've been completely based around two roles ; bamboozled by all tìiis gob- call the office on 4949, leave your name bledegook, please feel free to 1.actor or player - will as- ask ANY member of the com- sume the identity of the char- and phone nurriber, and we will contact mittee for further details. acter to be played (as in We'd be glad to help ! you as soon as possible. acting). Inexperienced play- If^ T't sport Symonds Yat Trip Lùl?im outside tlie venue for our drinking games ^^ Union, ok?" quite a (under the supervision of the International Beer Officer). feasible hypothesis Obviously, as we were to sleep when suggested àt 5pm under canvas, the traditional after the Wednesday mix of high nippy factor and afternoon canoeing driving rain was on the cards. session. However, Sunday morning came...and arriving at ten past seven, went. We eventually reached I was one of only a the river early aftemoon. Two handful. The majority abstained, several took early made it by just before retirement and a couple of us decided that extreme swim- eight, with few ming would be more fun. exceptions to the morning after the FNO One Granada greasy-spoon before feeling. meal, a fuel stop, a couple of sweetie stops, two moons and First things first," piped up monds Yat, on the off, as the canoeist invariably 40 winks later we were back to one chiipy individual. "How Wales/Gloucestershire bor- receives an ice-cold drenching the safety of Guildford with a many tents do we have?" der, for a bit of rough 'n' tum- or complete immersion (de- minibus caked in mud. We ble in some wild and watery pending on body-weight). could become clean once ' "Er..Well..erm" mumbled Mr. conditions. This was to be the Attention then shifted to more. The fun was over imtil Chairman. "Who's brought a Freshers' initiation to white "shooting" the grade 2 rapids next time... water canoeing. tent then?" • challenging enough to pro- NB. The canoe club is organ- vide US with a couple of unin- Quick mental arithmetic re- Saturday aftemoon was spent ising a beginners day trip to go tentional swimmers. The old vealed that it'd be a bit co^, learning to "seal launch" - this white water rafting at Notting- hands took it in tums trying to but when it's pissing it down involved clambering up a ham Hohne Pier Point, If in- impress each other witii their and brass monkey temperature 3.5mboulder,draggingthe ca- terested please leave a note in posey paddling. a bit of body heat's just what noe up, getting back into it and our pigeon hole, or e-mail your after. hurtling down the slope into After a hard day on the R. Wy e liSlrh, or meSlam by Friday the river below. This tech- November 8th. Finally, we were off, headed nique proves beneficial only if we headed for the locai public westbound, destination Sy- the campsite water is switched house for some hot food and a Rachel Hyde Campusport My one Big Chance/^Ave some of ROSm^YCONLEY CHARITY WORKOUT THAT. Friday 22nd November 1996 ell here it is, read Taffy's handwriting about ev^thing that I wanted 6,00 p.m. at tíie Campusport . C^fcre my one big when typing up the footie 2's to, and time is beginning to run short so all it remains for ARRANGE YOUR SPON- chance. In the report. I can only assume that W Ginga's Sports Ed. related me to do is mention the Mai's SORSHIP AM) HCK UP A absence of the stress has it's basis in him be- Hockey 2's 16-1 victory of SPONSOR FORM FROM 'strawberry blonde' 1 ing an LIS student and, there- Saturday last that I never man- THE CAMPUSPORT CEN- have been asked to fore, thinking a computer is a aged to write a report for, and TRE. PARTICIPATÍON perform this week's small perspex box, with inter- then sign off It's been fun, TICKETS ON SALE duties as Sports Ed. A nally mounted discos lights, maybe we could do this again SOON. Keep this date freei task I was initially that answers to the name some time. Hope you enjoy *orac'. (Only kidding Ginga). the following pages.'^ve against volunteering for The tumout for reports this some of THAT. due to the fact that the week has been re^ly good, CurapiMdnncc standard week still only many thanks to those who P.S. It'd be nice if we could This week's 'T>ance Taster' contains 168 hours and spent their time bothering to have some feed-back from OR Tuesday Ncrvetobs^ is currently time is more pen to paper, or sheep's blood some of the sportsmen and TAP DANCE. Complete be- precious than a large bar to parchment, which is what I women of this fine estab- ^inj^rs arc encour^ed to take lishment re. their feelings on p^ ihk fun class to ^ a of gold with the words think the Hockey I's report iti tumed up on - nice touch to the new non-block-fixture for- different style each 'Extremely Valuable' write the report in old fash- ra at for Wednesday after- week I'lilUTf iHMas inJi'dt stamped on one side. ioned Engh^ as well, Steve! noons. Mom-i Kin/.ui MuVr It has, however, come to my At the time of writing this I do Duioc. Afritan . i-cm) Dwcù By: Ginga II, Son of Ginga S attention over the last few not know whether eveiything and M&dcàa Fiesta. submitted will be able to be (Well Tigs, actually). days that being Sports Ed. is FREB mth a DOSH/Cóm^ actually an absolute piece of pubUshed. My apologies for anything that had to be left buwdciirdforil Jsnp m' piss. The most strenuous part out. Well, I think I've said just ÌW) has, in fact, been trying to Sparkling Surrey Stomp Over Sussex Surrey Ist XV 95 Sussex Ist XV 0 h yes, Oh yes, that luscious turf without so tail! At half time the score Harlequins scholars who Oh yes. Last much as to break into a sweat, was 57-0 and perhaps the only played on Wednesday. Ian disappointing factor of the Wednesday the rest assured this was the dog's and Rod are not only two ex- O bollocks of university rugby. game was the fact that Surrey ceptional players in their re- University of Stirrey Ist Sussex Univ. were never in didn't manage to surpass the spective positions but they lift XV rugby team were contention as the " boys in elusive century, as tìiey did the performance of the side as virtually orgasmic. After black " were already over tend to sit back just a tad on well. The rugby we play is coming off a 44-0 victory enhanced and toned by their from tiie previous week greater knowledge and under- standing of the game, as the the spirit and last two Wednesdays have determination of the shown. Therefore I intend to team was as high as one mention the entire team and of Rob Andrew's famous just think....if you wanted to up and unders! The be, you too could be a part of our university rugby club. raging warriors were The invincible idealists on back in their legendary Wednesday were....Rob, My- black strip and from the self, Gaty, Wes, Ben, Foggi, outset Surrey were Ian, Nigel, James, Alex, playing in that magical Andy, Rod, Lee, Steve and Feisty with our ever caring and wondrous place and concerned sports officer known only to some as •Mr'n-.i on the sideline. All in all a the " Promised Land" twenty five points clear mid- their sizeable lead. To men- superb afternoon's work and . The Surrey pack were gelled way through the first half tion individuai players would we are still to concede a point and slicker than Elvis' hair in Tries seemed to appear as eas- be unfair as the whole team against us. the fifties, whereas the backs ily as an overdraft and the performed at its optimum The Boy Davis. looked to simply glide over general aura of the team was level, However, I feel justi- as tough as Samson's pony fied in mentioning our two Shepperton Bishop (2) Men's Hockey 1st (6) - USFC 2nd XV (4) vs. Kenley (1) fter a rather exactly what he thought of 0 13 warriors even saw our own Right Back him. willing to give calling for his dismissal. Ru- indiffèrent start mour has it that their Centre- to the season, the 2-1 down at half time saw Si blood for the Half has been attending ASurrey boys were "Mad Dog" Howells move Surrey colours set off counseling since the incident. delighted to note prior to into midfield, and together Si with our James Bond However , they were unable the kick off that the with Lasse and Tony Themes collection to make their numerical ad- ÔScouserÔ Bell combining oppositionÔs central pimiping out of the club vantage tell. defender weighed at least well down the left, put the 17 stone and appeared to opposition under constant stereo. Kenley were clearly dazzled have cellulite. pressure. Darren Bailey Surrey dominated the first by the introduction of our su- half going forward with the per-sub, Mikey who, having Confidence hei^tened when notched the equaliser after good work from Sparky, and thrust and panache of 10 rounded 3 defenders and hav- Mark ÔSparkyO Thompson two inspired substitutions se- Hounslow short comer spe- ing only the keeper to beat, tapped home from a John cured the win. Gary Barr cialists. However our finish- attempted an audacious re- ÔFresherÔ Fagan corner. came on to supply a cross for ing seemed to be inspired by verse flick. However, two sloppy goals Lasse to get àie third, and a Brighton fresher who Surrey triumphed 6-1 the rest were conceded before half Paul CliffÖs fresh legs claims to have scored 75 of the goals coming from time, with Tyler contributing stretched to make it four after goals last season. By halftim e Jan(2), Tim who finished to the Surrey goalkeeperÔs good work from Belai and it was 1-0 with Tom having with some aplomb ; 6ave tradition of being more tiian Sparky. The game ended on a swept the ball past tíie help- some of that. Jason and Sumo sour note with Tony ÔPie- less keeper. During the inter- susceptible to the lob. The with his first 1st goal.... the manÔ Sammut being val the umpire wamed us tíiat two could have been three defense was beaten hands smacked on the chin after try- bad language would not be had Taffy not managed to down for pace. Look out for ing to calm down a little bit of tolerated. (Jan ,F****** Hell perform a diving save that next week for NickOs own jiggery pokery towards the is bad language in England). should have resulted in a pen- story of his date with a girl end as the opposition got even alty and a sending off. As it who does not have an EvanOs more nasty when they real- The second half saw our su- was the opposition were re- account. This really is un- ised that had been outclassed. periority tell, with Kenley left duced to ten men after some chasing shadows. They were chartered territory. fella butchered the unlucky offered a chink of hope when Dave Goodwin. Graeme Souness (Football Dessie Herbert and several Dirky was sent of for a disas- Genius). others before telling the ref ^ ^o^g^ cchalleng e which saw