Wonderfalls
"Hanging Koala"
by VLC
Based on, Wonderfalls by Tim Minear and Bryan Fuller
Revisions by VLC
Current Revision 5.618
Name: tHE Mouse209 Company Address Phone Number Email: [email protected] Wonderfalls “Hanging Koala” 2x03 06/06/2006 (edit-outs in red ) 1/ 115
WONDERFALLS
“HANGING KOALA”
TEASER
(1) SHOT : OPEN WITH A SCENE SOMEWHERE IN QUEBEC - DAY. A line of people at an outdoor bakery or café. Frenchy romantic atmosphere. One man in line, wearing a Beret-style hat, makes his purchase (in French), TURNS, and WALKS toward us out of frame. It was ERIC! CAMERA PULLS DOWN at nearby a couple’s lips about to kiss.
(2) INT. TYLER HOUSE – DAY
(2A) SHARON applying lipstick in the bathroom.
SHARON (aloud to Jaye O.S.) There’s 10 things in the fridge ready to eat. Don’t use the stove. Don’t answer the door.
(2B) Sharon exiting the bathroom & entering living room.
SHARON (CONT'D) I’ll only drop off Beth’s blueprints at her jobsite. 5, 10 minutes tops. (to self) Um, blueprints.
(2C) She finds any nearby paper.
SHARON (CONT'D) If Dr. Ron arrives early, I’ll come thru the garage door. Just say “changing the oil”. AND be sure to slip in that question I told you for—
(2D) SHARON exits bathroom into the living room and spots DR. RON already in the house with JAYE. They sit up from their couch session.
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SHARON (CONT'D) Dr. Ron!
DR. RON Hello Sharon.
JAYE He's coming early.
SHARON (Trying to assemble an excuse) I was... I wasn’t... (polite hello) Dr. Ron.
DR. RON (to Jaye) Ah, got big sister’s to watch you today. (to Sharon) Hope Jaye hasn’t been too much on your hands?
SHARON A peach.
DR. RON Are you leaving? The Tylers home?
JAYE They’re out. (parsing a “your busted” smirk) Just us.
DR. RON Leaving Jaye home alone? You know family support is essential into this part of your sister’s post-transitional therapy.
JAYE (hint of sarcasm) Oh, no not Sharon intentionally. Big sister leaving little sister the ex-mental patient – alone?
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JAYE (CONT'D) With Share's My Little Pony wallpaper and a home supplied with natural gas.
SHARON (fake laugh) (sotto to Jaye) Leave my unicorns out of this. (to Dr. Ron) Of course not. I made a promise. Just looking for my briefcase. Ah!
DR. RON You’re dressed.
SHARON I’m a pretty girl.
DR. RON (shares a round of laughter) Very well. Nice progress today. Until our next session.
DR. RON (CONT'D) (to Sharon) By the way, good catch cutting the faces out from the morning paper. That's Oh. Yes. One more thing. "Gay" is not inherently genetic. The outcome of social psychological experiences in one's lifetime draws them to a specific sexual preference or trait. Purely their own determination. ...To answer your previous question. My office is always open.
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(3) MONTAGE : “FIND A BABYSITTER” CUE MUSIC: Jazzy. Instrumental Montage sequence... (3A) INT. TYLER HOUSE – DAY ( CONTINUOUS ) Sharon on the phone.
SHARON (per caller) Hi, can you baby-sit? A 26 year old girl. Little Jaynee... She’s 26 now...
REPLIES PER CALLER No. No. Nope. Sorry.
JAYE You gotta sell it. Incentive!
SHARON (per caller) Babysitter paid upfront... I’ll pay if you just show up... 10,000 channels...
REPLIES PER CALLER Yes. Yes. Sure.
BOY Ya get the Playboy Channel?
OLD LADY MAHONEY Of course Share Bear. I live just down the street. I babysat you two when you were just knee-high munchkins. I’ll unplug my Rascal and be on my way.
SHARON Thank you Mrs. Mahoney.
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(3B) EXT. TYLER HOUSE - FRONT DOOR – ( CONTINUOUS ) Sharon or Jaye answer the door. The strangest sitters show up. Each sitter is REJECTED and PAID... --First, a BLIND GUY. --Second, BIG BLACK DUDE with bandana and muscles (paid via the mail-slot thru the door). --Third, MRS. BEETLE holding a plate of muffins. --Fourth, a little pervert BOY comes running out of the Tyler house with a video camera in-hand, Jaye chasing him out in a bath robe and head towel.
JAYE That better not be on YouTube! I know where you live!!
(3C) Wind-down montage music.
(3D) EXT. TYLER HOUSE – ( CONTINUOUS ) Sharon locks up house. Goes to her car. Jaye is in the passenger seat. SHARON No matter what, you will not leave this car. Got it?
JAYE What about an accident, or fire?
SHARON Air bag. Fire extinguisher.
(3E) Sharon pulls out into the street, she backs up to pay an old lady slowly strolling down their sidewalk in a Rascal...
SHARON Thank you Mrs. Mahoney.
JAYE Road trip.
(3F) End Music. END MONTAGE.
END OF TEASER
TRANSITION: CUT TO THEME SONG
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ACT ONE
(4) EXT. HEALING TREE BLDG. – “STAY IN THE CAR” - DAY
(4A) Hospital grounds, Sharon pulls in for parking. By the building entrance, BETH waves Sharon to come inside. Sharon waves Beth to come to her car. Sharon is on her cell with father DARRIN.
SHARON Dad? I need you to watch Jaye. Beth is grand opening the Autistic Center. She needs me to...
JAYE (sotto) "She needs me".
SHARON She's the architect. I’m not getting out of anything. I am at the hospital! Look out a window.
INTERCUT with... (4B) INT. HOSPITAL – DAY ( CONTINUOUS ) Darrin is stuck at a desk full of paperwork.
DARRIN Sorry Share bear. I’m prepping for a 2 hour bowl obstruction surgery. I wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on her.
SHARON Have her stack bedpans. I really need my hands free.
DARRIN My hands are swabbed with prep iodine. Again, sorry...
(4C) Jaye takes cell phone after a minor back and fourth jostle.
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JAYE Gimme. It's on speaker. (to Dad) Hi Dad.
DARRIN (CONT'D) ...I suppose we can go golfing afterwards, maybe.
JAYE Golf? How boring. Let's {adlib}. ...or get some Chinese food?
SHARON You’re golfing with Dad.
DARRIN Have you tried your brother? Aaron said he had the day off.
SHARON That little draft dodger. Beth's here. Call you back!
(4D) Sharon ends phone call. END INTERCUT. JAYE What about my Chinese?
SHARON (CONT'D) Eat here. (as Beth arrives) Hi.
BETH Hi. You made it just in time. The, um, Fire Inspector is about to signoff on the place. It's a big moment. I want to show "it" to you before everyone else gets to see... you know.
SHARON I got Jaye. And big brother no-show is somewhere inflating the world's ego.
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JAYE I can't be left alone; legally.
SHARON Medical mandate.
BETH You know, I bet I can ask my brother to watch Jaye. He second-chairs the project. The building's done. So all his work here is work is already cutout for him.
SHARON Cyle, yes. He's very Zen Jaye. You'll like him. Smart, yet able to restrain you in a moment's heartbeat.
JAYE Hey big Sis. Whaddya say we ditch all this, spend that money you saved on babysitting and let's get ingloriously plastered. Just like ol' times.
SHARON Awe. Did you hear that? She thinks she's independent. Until you weaned your Class- A's... no newspapers, no tchotchkes, no things with faces, and especially no alcohol. You’re golfing with dad. Relax. Here. Read a magazine. And we never had an "ol' time".
JAYE Why are all the faces cut out?
(4E) Jaye climbs over the center and crowds Sharon in the driver-side window to show Beth her cut-up magazine.
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JAYE (to Beth) This caption says "Brad Pitt wedding disaster photos". I can't tell, does the bride's breasts look perky to you?
BETH Um. Yup. That's Jennifer. Jennifer Aniston has perky breasts. Angelina is—
SHARON Angelina is flat because she works out. You could've ask me.
JAYE Pre-GenX, you know nothing of our youth culture.
SHARON Please.
JAYE Angelina, who?
SHARON A-Ang-Angelina... Tomb Raider! She was in that movie.
JAYE Brad and Angelina Tomb Raider. I think that what they said in the headlines.
SHARON (to Beth) Would you please call Cyle.
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BETH Already did. He's been at the landscapers all morning. How long does it take to pick out a tree? Right? (answers phone) Text message says, “there in 10... stuck in nurse”. I think he meant nursery.
SHARON I guess the Inspector can wait, 10 minutes.
(4F) Sharon and Beth can only look at each other.
JAYE (reads to self) Top 10 signs she's in the mood— (throws away magazine) Where's your oil maintenance record?
(4G) Sharon handcuffs Jaye to the steering wheel.
SHARON Detainee insurance. But think of it as a puzzle-- "What would Houdini do?".
JAYE He drowned in six feet of concrete.
SHARON (leaving) There’s candy in the glove-box. 5 minutes tops!
JAYE You give yourself the full 10. Go Rock that inspection! Give'r me best!
(4H) Beth leads Sharon by the hand into the building. The expression on Sharon looking back at Jaye resembles that of an animal being lead to slaughter.
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JAYE (to self, confident) Gen-X. Bonercide.
(5) INT./EXT. NURSERY – YAKIMA NURSERY – DAY
(5A) The SELLER JIN walks with CYLE (pronounced as “Kyle”) pointing out varieties. Seller Jin is Chinese.
SELLER JIN Perennials, Ivies... You name it, we may got it.
CYLE Do you have anything from The Bush?
SELLER JIN Flowering or berry?
CYLE No, no. From The Bush .
SELLER JIN Never been there.
CYLE Jin, you’re an arborist and you’ve never heard of The Bush. The Bush, mate? Could you take a guess where I’m from just by my accent?
SELLER JIN Italian.
CYLE Australia.
SELLER JIN Ah!... Never been there.
CYLE Kangaroos, koalas, bushman?
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SELLER JIN (clears throat) (statement-like) We are not in the business of the illicit selling of wild and or exotic animals, or people here. (off Cyle’s reaction ) Ah, you haven’t heard. Never mind. But, if you are in the market for a “companion”... Mimi’s Arboretum, ask for the "cheap pansies" (after a beat) Is Sydney in Australia?
(6) INT. CAR - DAY
(6A) Jaye is handcuffed to the steering wheel. She just turned the last page of her magazine. Her Skittles are empty. Searches the car for entertainment. She tests the radio. Her interest shifts to...
(6B) CAMERA FOCUS on a flyer on the windshield.
(7) INT. DARK CLOSET – DAY
(7A) Beth and Sharon are coitus in a utility closet. Knocking over cleaning supply bottles, and popping open an electrical panel with her heel/knee.
(7B) The bumping and grinding pushes buttons on her car key fob.
(8) INT. CAR / EXT. BLDG. – DAY
(8A) Jaye attempts to reach outside for the flyer. She recoils when the car spontaneously HONKS.
JAYE Oh!
(8B) Repeat several failed attempts.
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JAYE (sotto) No eyes. No mouth. It doesn't count as... (scoffs) There's no such thing as— (on multiple honks) Oh!
(8C) She gets head-turns from the landscapers/construction workers.
(9) INT./EXT. NURSERY – YAKIMA NURSERY – DAY
(9A) Cyle and Seller Jin walk into frame. Small tree plantings are tagged “ PROPERTY OF US/CAN CUSTOMS. ORIGIN: SYDNEY, AU ”.
SELLER JIN Customs seize many things: plants to seedlings. What ever they don’t incinerate, we take, Lysol, quarantine, and sell for profit. (points) Shei chin! (behold) Sydney Australia!
CYLE Eucalyptus! Beautiful mate. Look at the foliage. Too bad these are kinda small for ‘scape-ing.
SELLER JIN You want big?
CYLE You have big? How big?
SELLER JIN We’re a big nursery Mr. Cyle. And size is proportion to price.
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CYLE Jin, I'm no run-of-the-mill landscaper. I need "signature". A monolith. A beacon. I want these kids to look out the window and say... "well, hello buddy, lovely are your branches lookin' today. Would you like some company?" (after a beat) And of course money is no object. Do you have somethin’ like that Mr. Jin?
SELLER JIN (odd play-on aussie accent) I may have sumthin' for ya Mr. Cyle.
CYLE I see you’re a speakin’ my language!
SELLER JIN Yes, I speak a you language.
CYLE Well lay it on me Tokyo Joe!
SELLER JIN Shei chin! Behold! Turkish Pinus Ponderosa!
(9B) CAMERA pulls back straight UP looking down 100’ to show all of one very tall tree.
CYLE Whoooooooooooo hooo! I’ll take it!
SELLER JIN Epic.
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(10) INT. DARK CLOSET – DAY
Beth and Sharon still coitus in a utility closet. The car key fob being pressed rhythmically.
(11) EXT. BLDG. – DAY ( CONTINUOUS )
(11A) On site a large flatbed just delivered the large tree. A crane is propping it into place at the Healing Tree Center.
(12) EXT. CAR – DAY ( CONTINUOUS )
(12A) Jaye attempts to crawl ass-first out the window. Eventually retrieves her prize flyer.
JAYE Gotcha.
(12B) Car alarm goes off. Windows begin roll up.
JAYE Crap! Bad car! Bad car!!
(12C) Jaye tries to scuttle back inside.
(13) EXT. BLDG./CAR – DAY ( CONTINUOUS )
(13A) One of the landscapers (MAN HERO/CYLE) steps out of his pickup truck. JAYE (O.S.) Baaaaaaaaaaaaaad car!! (screams)
(13B) He grabs something and darts out of frame. As the window creeps inches towards Jaye’s windpipe, a yellow Craftsman drill/toolbox is stop-wedged into the window. A tap on the windshield...
MAN HERO (CYLE) Was that worth 35% off your next oil change?
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(14) INT. HOSPITAL – SURGERY ROOM - DAY
PATIENT (groaning with abdominal pain)
ERNESTO Relax Mr. Brown. Lean sideways if it helps.
(14A) Enter Darrin with an x-ray.
DARRIN Put away your sharpies gentlemen. Just got back clearer x-rays. Mr. Brown's going home.
DOCTOR What about the exploratory obstruction?
(14B) Darrin then puts on his mask.
DARRIN No obstruction. Nine hours, reported. Yup, this one requires no cutting whatsoever, per say.
PATIENT Ah! Oooohhh! (big long fart)
(15) INT. BLDG. – "FIRE MARSHAL BILL" - DAY
(15A) Beth and Sharon walk into frame to a waiting FIRE MARSHAL and his clipboard.
FIRE MARSHAL Signs here, indicating you witnessed the inspection. Where were you during the inspection?
BETH Making copies.
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SHARON Of your blueprints.
BETH (sotto) Shhh-Sharon!
FIRE MARSHAL And they are?
SHARON In the (hesitates) car.
BETH (scoffs)
(15B) While writing on his clipboard the Fire Marshal catches Sharon hiking up something lacy, then catching a glimpse of Beth buttoning up her shirt. Sharon does a blonde hair flip.
BETH (off his subtle reaction) Don’t look so surprised Bill.
(15C) They exit the building.
(16) EXT. BLDG – "MY CAR!" – ( CONTINUOUS )
SHARON My car!!!
(16A) Firemen have completely cut off the driver-side door. Jaye approaches Sharon with the handcuffed wheel, and gives it.
JAYE Rule #1 of the babysitter: Don't kill the baby!
TRANSITION: COMMERCIAL
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(17) INT. THE BARREL – "BEER FEST" - DAY
(17A) Start a TIGHT SHOT and ZOOM OUT on the face of a YODELING GERMAN. It’s the 2nd Annual Local Niagara Canadian Germans Micro Brewers Gathering / Happy Bastille Day. Crowd singing. Live accordion music. AARON enters the bar and is offered test-tubes of sample beers from HELGA - a pushed-up bustier beer wench. Aaron approaches MAHANDRA tending bar.
MAHANDRA (to Helga) Helga! Don’t rub up against the customers. (to waiter) Tell her this a family establishment. Not make-a-family establishment. (to Aaron) Hi.
AARON Plaid knee-high lederhosen?
MAHANDRA Bastille Day, spirit!
AARON Cliché-licious. I'll have my turkey club. Extra onion please.
MAHANDRA Don't expect a date tonight. We're a bar. Drink something.
AARON Fine. I'll have whatever she's, serving, um... Yes. I'll take one those. Oh! Very friendly.
HELGA {{adlibs German}}
MAHANDRA Nein, nein tity!
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AARON (downs the test tube of beer) You know this means I'll have to park here and walk to work.
MAHANDRA Hung over on an afternoon in a souvenir store. Congrats. Your Jaye's perfect successor. (to O.S.) Helga, no! (to waiter) Hey, tell her she can't put her finger there.
AARON BTW, your ad is now running in the local paper as we speak. Sold right around the corner, right in front of that canary shop.
(17B) Band begins playing polka rendition of "Love Shack".
MAHANDRA Thank God. I really need all the help I can... (inaudible)
AARON What?
(17C) German waitresses put a karaoke microphone in Aaron's face. Then carry him away.
HELGA & WAITRESSES (to Aaron) Sing. Ja! Ja!
AARON (O.S.) I normally don't— "Got me a Chrysler as big as a whale..."
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(18) SERIES OF SHOTS :
FLY-THRU-VIDEO of the Healing Tree Center building complex. Show it's part of Niagara General Hospital, it's Australian themed, a 2-story building, with special gym, and lots of patient rooms. The “Welcome to” sign has a koala on it.
(19) EXT. HEALING TREE BLDG. – "OPENING CEREMONY" – DAY/CLOUDY
(19A) Crowd in front of building, yellow hardhat construction workers, and live marching band music. Staffers are waiting to cut of the ribbon. The skies threaten of rain.
STAFFER Where's Beth? We can't do this without the Architect.
FIRE MARSHAL Where's Shhhh-Sharon.
STAFFER Uh, who?
FIRE MARSHAL (does a blonde's hair flip)
(19B) Holding hands, Jaye's new arm candy leads her under a tree.
JAYE Let's ditch this.
MAN HERO (CYLE) And miss the best part?
JAYE You're parched. You need to lie down.
MAN HERO (CYLE) About ten seconds the skies will open up and all these people get soaked.
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(19C) CUE MUSIC: Joel Plaskett - Nowhere with you. He takes off his hoodie sweater, tosses it to Jaye and walks out awaiting rain. Jaye tokes a whiff of man sweat off it. She's caught upon opening her eyes.
CYLE C'mon.
JAYE (shakes head no) Who are you?
(19D) He continues to remove his t-shirt. Now bare-chested and arms stretched out. CUE MUSIC:(refrain). Cue RAIN. People take cover going under the uncut yellow ceremony ribbon. CLOSE-UP SHOTS of water beads rolling down his body, cleaning off dust/dirt.
JAYE (after a beat) You'll catch cold.
MAN HERO (CYLE) Ah... (cherishes) It's monsoonal. Just the opposite.
(19E) SLOW-MOTION of Jaye putting out her hand to feel the rain, then blinks. NORMAL SPEED she gets pulled in by the hand. CRANE SHOT looking down at them spinning (dance-like), arms stretched, worshiping rain. After a beat a THUNDER BOOM. They stop and catch up with the rest of the fleeing crowd. The marching band files back onto their bus. END MUSIC .
(20) INT. BLDG. – LOBBY - DAY
(20A) Tables of food in the background. People and parents with their special children are checking out the venue.
KID CHARLIE (passes by) Charlie Charlie Charlie...
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MAN HERO (CYLE) (to parents) The building's unique design balances innovation and safety. With 11 emergency exits and 5 kinds of alarms that speak in both English and French.
PARENTS & JAYE Exquisite. Amazing. Wow.
MAN HERO (CYLE) Practically built this place from the ground up. And doing it with your two hands--it's magic.
PARENT (to other parent) Have you seen the murals?
PARENT The rain forest? That was quite the artist.
(20B) Some kids approach.
MAN HERO (CYLE) That was nothing. And the kids seem to like it. (to kids) Huh.
PARENTS & JAYE (repeat amazement) -You painted that? -You're amazing. -Who are you?
CYLE I'm —
(20C) Enter a PRESS PHOTOGRAPHER.
PRESS PHOTOGRAPHER A shot with the architect Beth? Beth! Where is she?
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(20D) Tight shot of Man Hero's "thinking" face while in the background the podium stage lights go dark.
MAN HERO (CYLE) (wry) I have an idea.
(21) INT. BLDG. – HALLWAY "BETH IN CLOSET" - ( CONTINUOUS )
(21A) Man Hero/Cyle and Jaye approach a utility closet labeled "Utility Closet R - Roof Access".
JAYE Beth, your boss, hides in utility closets. Is she {adlib}?
MAN HERO (CYLE) During openers, she tends to get a little... (pelvic thrust motion) ...celebratory.
JAYE (huge grin) Oh ho! Price-less shame. Sharon's absolutely gonna cry when she hears what tool her significant other is nailing on the job. Stand back. I need this.
(21B) Jaye pulls the door wide open. Jaye make a hurling expression, and Man Hero/Cyle with a lemon squirt in his eye look.
SHARON & BETH OMG!
(21C) The girls slam the door. Jaye walks out of frame.
MAN HERO (CYLE) (methodic) What has been seen, can never be unseen.
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JAYE (O.S) You think your okay with something 'til you actually see it.
MAN HERO (CYLE) (knocks on the door) Excuse me... Sorry. Don't mean to intrude. In the heat of it, one of you may have inadvertently bumped a circuit breaker cutting power to the stage lobby.
JAYE (O.S.) Eww, and she had hair!
MAN HERO (CYLE) You'll find the switch on the lower panel marked "Lobby".
(21D) Sound of a squeaky metal panel opening and a click. Background mic squeal noise and crowd clapping.
DISTANT PODIUM MICROPHONE Testing 1,2,3. There we go!
MAN HERO (CYLE) Much obliged.
(22) INT. THE BARREL – DAY
AARON (flirt with bad German accent) So little German girl, how may drinks will it take to get to the center of this Tootsie-Poppin.
MAHANDRA (giggles) Hold that thought. (answers phone)
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Hello, Barrel... Sorry you have a wrong number. No we don’t make barrels. We’re a bar... (makes a face) Bon soir. (hangs up)
AARON What that French?
MAHANDRA Pranks I guess. We’ve been getting ‘em for the past couple days. Surprised no one’s calling us about our ad.
AARON Wow. French, German. And my parents say I don’t get enough culture. Time for work.
(23) SERIES OF SHOTS :
Building, big tree, rain, speech, kids.
(24) INT. BLDG. – "I'M CYLE" – ( CONTINUOUS )
BETH (to people) Everything you can imagine exceeding the needs of autistic children. Every room has a essentially a skylight, high speed internet with video email to keep 'em close with doctors and family, a garage, and their own subspace transporter.
(24A) Sharon passes by with several curious KIDS hanging on her.
KIDS -Why are you so tall? -Are you a giant? -Is your hair on fire? -Why do you smell like sex?
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(24B) Enter Man Hero/Cyle holding two coffees.
MAN HERO (CYLE) (to Jaye) One strong, no milk, for...
MAN HERO (CYLE) (CONT'D) (after a beat) We never actually—
JAYE Nope. (smiles) No names. Just this.
MAN HERO (CYLE) Hmm... Lucky me.
JAYE Maybe.
MAN HERO (CYLE) Hold that thought.
(24C) He walks out of frame. Enter Sharon.
SHARON (to Jaye) Jaye, you wouldn't happen to have seen a giant yellow pair of scissors? (after a beat) You're alone.
JAYE You're worried?
SHARON You're smiling.
JAYE Ever smelled a construction worker?
SHARON And I don't see your babysitter? Where's Cyle?
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JAYE Who cares. Relax. Have a seat. But not there... I met someone. Saved my life this morning.
SHARON Oh... Then he saw your Medical ID Alert bracelets – all five of them.
JAYE Why so serious?
SHARON (shakes head no) Dr. Ron's rules. You know them. It's too soon. So find a flaw.
JAYE (CONT'D) Can't. Nice, domesticated, and has a job. Every smell a construction worker? (bites lip)
SHARON They have shorter life spans.
JAYE Not looking for permanent. Did I mention he saved my life.
SHARON Everyone has to save lives, Jaye. The courts call it Negligence.
JAYE And, he has this Zen thing about him that rubs off on you. Watch, ask me anything.
SHARON I’ll kick your ass.
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(24D) CUE SOUND FX: Chinese flute with African rain stick.
JAYE (methodical) If my ass is destine to be kicked, then it will be kicked.
MAN HERO (CYLE) Here. Thought you may want something a little more interesting than a parking flyer. Pardon me again, busy day.
(24E) He gives Jaye a magazine. Then leaves again.
JAYE (laughs) (to Sharon) And considerate. (mouths silently to Sharon) Cute!
SHARON Him? That's your super hero? (chuckle snorts)
JAYE Up yours Blondie.
(24F) Enter Beth. BETH (to a passerby) Thank you. Glad you like it. (to Sharon) This is great! Everyone's loves the place. I assume the scissors will turn up later.
SHARON (to Beth) Jaye just told me the funniest thing.
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BETH (to Jaye) You don't seem too miserable. Giving this day another try?
JAYE It has its moments.
SHARON She just told me she didn't need a babysitter anymore. But, oh! Hey, your brother's here! Let's introduce him anyway! (to O.S.) Cyle!!
(24G) Enter Man Hero/Cyle.
BETH Jaye this is my brother, Cyle. Cyle, this is Sharon’s sister, Jaye.
SHARON Bang!
(24H) Jaye’s happy face warps away.
MAN HERO (CYLE) It’s Cyle -- with a “C”.
JAYE (to Beth) But you’re not Australian!?
BETH He’s adopted.
SHARON He's her brother. (inhales) He's her designer, her construction partner, and co-architect and and and her brother!
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BETH Practically helped built this place from the ground up.
JAYE Beth’s... brother?!
(24I) Enter the PRESS PHOTOGRAPHER.
PRESS PHOTOGRAPHER Picture of the architects?
(24J) They turn for a pose. Cameras flash.
SHARON And since Beth and I are almost practically engaged, dating him would be like dating your brother. Smile everybody, this is going in the paper! (laughs)
JAYE (grunts)
(25) EXT. HEALING TREE BLDG. – "ABANDON" - DAY/RAIN
(25A) A STAFFER is writing on a clipboard just under the eves. A car pulls up. A brash WOMAN in big sunglasses and high heels steps out of her hoopty car half-in-the-tank. She tosses a bottle out. She goes to unbuckle a 5 year old LITTLE GIRL from the front safety seat.
WOMAN Let’s go. C’mon. C’mon!
(25B) She approaches the staffer.
WOMAN This that autistic place?
STAFFER This is Niagara General’s Autistic Center.
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WOMAN Here.
(25C) The woman hands over the child and stumbles away.
STAFFER Wait. You have to check her in. Ma’am? Ma’am?!
(25D) The woman peels away in her car, tossing out the safety seat and special helmet.
STAFFER Ma’am, you cant just— Hey!!
(26) INT. BLDG. – "MEET LG" - DAY/RAIN
(26A) Quiet. The crowd is elsewhere. A collaboration of staffers.
STAFFER And then she just took off! Took off!
STAFFER #2 Abandoned?
STAFFER I assume.
CYLE Did you see anyone else? The father?
STAFFER #3 A description for the police.
STAFFER (in shock/disgust) There was no— I didn’t see— How can people do this?!
STAFFER ANGRY BLACK WOMAN Lord, and to a child! {adlib}
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STAFFER #4 (to girl) Can you tell me your name?
CYLE Honestly I don't think she'll give you the name of the planet. See? No eye contact, or a fear of strangers. (to girl) Luv?
LITTLE GIRL (silent)
JAYE Then why is she staring straight at me.
STAFFER You do kind of look like the mother. (lump in throat)
STAFFER #3 Maybe she’s mute.
STAFFER ANGRY BLACK WOMAN Disposing a mute child?! {adlib} It takes all kinds!
CYLE Classic spectrum. This little girl is absolutely unconcerned with the outside world.
STAFFER #2 Because the mother knew she was savant?
JAYE Her eyes follow me wherever I go.
STAFFER #4 And without a file or any info—
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CYLE ...break thru is gonna be that much harder.
JAYE It’s like I'm watching the Mona Lisa. Was the real Mona Lisa savant? I bet she was.
(26B) A cold stare from Cyle.
STAFFER #3 Do we call the police?
STAFFER Well I certainly don't want her going to County. Not if you know she’s autistic. She’ll bounce thru the system for months. By the time County figures it out she’ll end back here with us.
CYLE (stares at Jaye) I bet we can pull a few strings with the Courts. My sister knows an attorney.
JAYE (to Cyle) (scoff) Immigration.
CYLE Attorneys know the law. We're all family here.
JAYE Not really.
CYLE You have to do the right thing.
CYLE Well, what if there’s some kind of special-interest here?
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JAYE Oh, believe me. There’s no interest whatsoever.
CYLE Acceptations for, saving a life. Rescuing someone's ass out of the rain.
JAYE Unless she’s a Chinese refugee with a belly full of heroin, I told you-- no!
CYLE So there’s not the slightest bit of interest... no hope whatsoever--for this little girl.
JAYE No, Beth’s brother!
STAFFER ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (to Jaye) (calm tone) That’s Cyle. His name is Cyle.
CYLE Well then. I guess that settles it... she stays!
STAFFER (sotto to staffer) Um. He's not the doctor. We make the call.
STAFFER #5 That was a lover's quarrel. Roll with the punches.
(26C) Cyle goes to a cupboard, pulls out a new stuffed koala for the little girl.
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CYLE Mum likes says to make one feel better... "I'll be your sun, you be my sky, so your rain will always have a bow, my lil' Bugaby."
CYLE (CONT'D) Here’s hoping you find your way home Luv.
(26D) She gives the stuffed koala a hug, puts it to hear ear (listening-like), then extends her arms out with it at Jaye.
LITTLE GIRL Home!
(26E) Jaye SEES the stuffed koala BLINK. Staffers are surprised she spoke. Jaye then falls backwards into some chairs, stumbling out of the room taking a few more along the way.
(27) TRANSITIONAL SHOT :
Show windy rainy weather outside.
(28) INT. THE BARREL – "A PRANK CALL?" - DAY
(28A) In the background the Beer Feast is still proceeding on. Mahandra’s answers the phone.
MAHANDRA Hello, Barrel... Sorry what? I, I don’t understand French. I don’t – no habla François. Do we what? This a prank? No, we don’t make barrels, this is a bar. We’re called The Barrel, Le Barrel—
(28B) The power flickers.
MAHANDRA (CONT'D) HELGA! You better not be swinging from that pool table light fixture!
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(29) INT. BLDG. – "WATCH MY PURSE" – DAY/RAINY OUTSIDE
(29A) Repeating Charlie darts from window to window.
KID Charlie Charlie Charlie...
(29B) Beth is giving the adults a tour . Jaye and Cyle are sitting down nearby.
BETH Here at the Healing Tree no small detail has been overlooked. Instead of wailing fire alarms, they'll give out instructions, and are programmed in Canadian-French. The kids already know the voice as Virtual Pete from the learning lab.
A PARENT I like how its little pouch holds their prescriptions.
SHARON How adorable.
JAYE I don't believe it.
CYLE (to Jaye) She's sincere.
JAYE She's horny. She only seems sincere.
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BETH The major himself even declared this to be the first "alive" building in all of Niagara Falls. But don't tell the kids that, I don't want to give 'em that imagery.
SHARON Remarkable isn't it.
JAYE (sotto) She’s actually getting turned on.
BETH Everything is modernized. From UV filtered air-ducts to critical system hardware reinforced in a riser closet.
SHARON Reinforced.
BETH Absolutely. One of kind.
SHARON I would love to see that.
BETH I can give you a tour. Let me find you a hardhat.
CYLE (across the room to Beth) Where you going? You have a speech in 5 minutes.
BETH (to Cyle) Could you watch my purse for a minute? Thanks bro!
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SHARON Jaye, watch mine too.
(29C) Like mall husbands, Jaye & Cyle hold purses.
JAYE Told you.
(29D) Sharon trots back and whispers something into Cyle's ear.
JAYE What?
CYLE Something about your psychiatrist and the tranquillizers are in her purse.
JAYE (psychotic-like slow head turn) Too bad I have the purse.
(30) SHOT : Show EXT. BLDG. and rainy weather.
(31) INT. HALLWAY - DAY
(31A) Show previous utility closet sign "Roof Access". Enter Beth & Sharon in rambunctious embrace.
SHARON Wait! Not here. They caught us once.
BETH I know a place they'll never find us.
(31B) The girls leave the door ajar.
O.S. VOICE Charlie, Charlie, Charlie...
END OF ACT ONE
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ACT TWO
(32) INT. HALLWAY - 1/2 – DAY/THUNDER OUTSIDE
(32A) Jaye looses her money in a vending machine and gets punchy.
CYLE (to Little Girl) Don't be afraid... (pause)
(32B) Cyle's pause makes Jaye think for a second she scares Little Girl.
CYLE (CONT'D) That's just thunder. When it rains angels like to bowl. (thunder) Oh, big strike!
(32C) Little Girl runs to a window.
LITTLE GIRL Water.
JAYE If she's so smart why the lies? And stop following me.
(32D) Vending machine gives Jaye Skittles.
CYLE Teacher her weather. She'll take it like a sponge. Otherwise, I'm babysitting for Beth and Sharon.
JAYE You don't have to listen to everything Beth and Sharon say. They're stupid. Stupid lesbians. Stupid machine. Stupid everything. (little girl approaches) What?!
CYLE She wants your Skittles.
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CYLE By the way, she just tricked you. Skittles was just the ice-breaker. If she could talk, my guess is she has questions about you.
JAYE A lesson kid: life is like a broken vending machine-- you never get you pay for.
CYLE You're down.
JAYE You're not a doctor.
CYLE (sing-like) "I'll be your sky, if you'll..."
JAYE I am NOT "your sun". For all you know "I'm the dark side of the moon". Don't think for a second you know who "I am".
CYLE "... Bugaboo, Bugaby". Funny the way friends meet.
LITTLE GIRL Water. (amazed)
(32E) Little Girl's interest turns to some water dripping in the drinking fountain, walks out of frame over to it.
CYLE If we really knew what was going to happen, the world would have a lot less failures.
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JAYE So Beth's brother, no friends, no sunny bright blue eyes, and no six-toed mullet pigmy procreation. Got it?
(32F) The Little Girl climbs the fountain. Jaye pulls her down. A CLOSED CIRCUIT SECURITY GUARD is seeing this on his monitor.
CYLE (methodical) "Don't get owly if your being blown sunny bubbles. It's all cold potatoes in the end."
JAYE (ON TV) And back off on the Zen hippy thing!!
JAYE My ass sits and watched every Kung Fu movie ever made!
(32G) CUE MUSIC: a slumbery clarinet solo. Slowly the Little Girl moves in to give Jaye a hug.
CYLE (to Little Girl) You're so right. Someone do needs a hug.
JAYE No. Don't you dare.
(32H) Slowly Cyle moves in to hug Jaye. Essentially trapping her.
CYLE Poor jaded Jaye.
JAYE You people know nothing about me! Nothing about—
(32I) She pauses to smell Cyle's shirt.
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JAYE (CONT'D) ...mmmmm, me.
(32J) Breaking loose, Jaye points her finger. Cyle sees her Medical ID bracelets dangle. She points with her other hand.
JAYE (CONT'D) Nothing!
(33) EXT. HEALING TREE BLDG. – DAY/RAIN
(33A) 2 STAFFERS exit their car and walk to the entry. One is carrying a large novel pair of yellow scissors.
STAFFER - MAN (as foot sinks in muddy soil) They couldn’t have picked a better day?
(33B) Objects fall from the sky.
STAFFER - WOMAN Oh! Where did that come from?
(33C) Staffer-Man looks up, he’s bombed by a hot cup of coffee from above. STAFFER - MAN Aggghhhhhh! Hot!!
(34) INT. THE BARREL - DAY
(34A) Mahandra is double-duty busy with the festival and tending.
MAHANDRA You want the Wiessbier, you want Zwickelbier, and you wanted Kellerbier... (to Helper) Tell ‘em to check it again.
HELPER EMPLOYEE (on phone) You have the wrong number. We're a bar in Niagara. We don’t make barrels...
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MAHANDRA (approached lumberjack) Can I help you?
LUMBERJACK Is this the right place?
MAHANDRA Depends. Whaddya want?
LUMBERJACK Looking for work.
MAHANDRA Finally. A response to my ad! I was beginning to think people don’t read classifieds anymore. Ok, do you have experience?
(34B) He shows his hands don't have all its fingers.
LUMBERJACK Not a full deck, but can carry 400 lbs and still good with an axe.
(35) INT. BLDG. – HALLWAY 2/2 - DAY/THUNDER OUTSIDE
(35A) CUE MUSIC: mystical . The CC Security Guard is intensely watching his monitor. He zooms onto the Little Girl who appears to be staring straight back at him. Little Girl is watching water drip off the a CC camera lens down into the drinking fountain below. She catches a single drip of water.
(35B) FLY-THRU VIDEO follows the drips of water to its source. From landing into the fountain, off the lens, trailing off a pipe coming out the ceiling, way up into the attic, off a wet tree branch that's poking through a crack in the roof. END FLY-THRU on a pan up further onto the roof to show... a little boy. CUT TO Hallway.
LITTLE GIRL Charlie!
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(35C) Little Girl has summited the drinking fountain. And LEAPS into the air. The CC Guard runs out of his room. Jaye catches her in mid-air. Enter running, CC Guard plus 3 others.
(35D) Enter Sharon. SHARON (to Jaye) Jaye. We’ve got yellow scissors and the rain’s let up. I want you to start getting people back outside for the ribbon cutting.
JAYE Um...
PASSERBY Pardon me.
(35E) Show more people herding out.
SHARON How did you do that?
(35F) Enter a staffer.
STAFFER Hey! We have a boy on the roof wandering near the edge!
LITTLE GIRL Charlie!
(35G) They exit en masse. Cyle haltes Jaye. Brings attention to the utility closet door ajar and a stuffed koala on the floor. It's labeled "Utility Closet R - Roof Access".
CYLE JAYE Bloody Beth! Damn Sharon!
JAYE Nothing ever good comes from burning loins!
(35H) Cyle looks at the prescription bottle tucked into the stuffed koala.
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CYLE "Charlie N. Linus". Linus without his blanket.
(36) EXT. GOLF COURSE – “ERNESTO UNDER PAR” – DAY/WINDY
GOLFER Fore!!
(36A) A doctors buddy foursome. The 6th hole. Winds are picking up.
ERNESTO Now playing backwind. "Buddy" Ernesto aims for the Fourth.
DARRIN This is the sixth. You're going to hit the preschool!
BUDDY #1 He’s 18 under par. He’s our worst and he’s already beaten your best score.
BUDDY #2 It’s like the bad weather is actually helping him.
ERNESTO Oh yeah, me and Mother Nature have a thang goin’ on. Wait, where’s the green? (turns the opposite way) Fore!!
BUDDY #1 Darr., it's noon. You said to remind you to call-
DARRIN My daughters. Yes. Thank you. Cracker Jacks! I must've left my phone at the hospital. May I barrow your phone?
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BUDDY #1 Don't carry it. The wife made it absolutely clear that's how my sperm count goes up.
ERNESTO T.M.I.
BUDDY #1 Frankly I think it's the sound of her voice. (laughs with other buddies) Shit., give him your fancy phone.
BUDDY #2 Shitomi phone connected only to Japan.
(36B) Ball flies. Winds pick up. Confidant Ernesto doesn’t even watch it land.
ERNESTO You can use mine. But I want to hear it first.
EVERYONE [ general disagreement ]
DARRIN (after a beat) Remind me to use the clubhouse payphone after this hole.
(36C) The ball lands on the green... and rolls...
ERNESTO For all those times you guys said, my wasted green fees should go to feed my children... And, the times you’ve tossed my robe in the ladies locker when I was taking a steam. And bet I wouldn’t punch that John Denver look-a-like, when it really was John Denver.
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(36D) ...and rolls... to a hole-in-one.
DARRIN & BUDDIES Son of a-! Hole-in-One? That’s his fourth one! How’s he doing this?!?
ERNESTO (CONT'D) Let’s say it mamma... (thunder) BOOM baby!
(36E) We see ALEX TREBEK wait impatiently behind the group waiting to tee off.
ALEX TREBEK Would you mind, hurrying? I don't like standing here all day.
(37) INT. THE BARREL – DAY
LUMBERJACKS (speaking French)
MAHANDRA W-W-W-Wait. One at a... One of you'll need to say it in English for this to work.
LUMBERJACKS Work! Work. Work!...
HELPER EMPLOYEE (to Mahandra) An Aaron is on the phone asking if you have any Klondike ice-cream and frozen Snickers bars?
MAHANDRA That's Jaye's PMS ice-cream.
HELPER EMPLOYEE And what's with the...
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MAHANDRA I don't know. But something is wrong here in Mahandra's neighborhood.
(38) INT./EXT. BLDG. – HEALING TREE & TV SHOT - DAY/WINDY+THUNDER
(38A) Inside the children are watching Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood .
TV "And what a wonderful spot to plant this new tree. As it grows it will give shade and a place to read a book." "Oh, not too much water. The tree will never stay up if the soil is too inundated." "Inundated. I see."
CHILDREN Inundated.
(38B) In the background we see the crowd outside pointing and looking up. Paper, bricks, a vent cap, are falling. The crowd gasps when large objects fall. Mud splashes on the windows.
CROWD (gasps)
BETH (pulls her foot off the grass) New grass isn’t suppose to be soggy like this.
(39) ROOFTOP – DAY/WINDY+THUNDER ( CONTINUOUS )
LITTLE GIRL KID CHARLIE Inundated. (slowly) Inundated. (slowly)
V.O. MISTER RODGERS "And like an old friend this tree will be around for years to come. I think I'll name it, Charlie!"
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STAFFER Charlie!
CYLE Charlie! It's no good. His focus is somewhere else far and away.
(39A) Loud cracking thunder.
JAYE This is not safe. You shouldn't be up here. (sotto to self) CSI eerie, yet familiar. * (* = inside joke, relates to my 1x12 finale)
(39B) The boy watches the giant tree bend in the wind. He continues to toss stuff over the edge.
STAFFER We need to get his attention.
JAYE How?
(40) INT. BLDG. – TV SHOT 2 – ( CONTINUOUS )
TV "And with my new friend here the garden becomes a special place. I love to sing in the garden. Do you sing in the garden?" "Most especially. I'm from old Nova Scotia and there's a ol' tune goes a little something like-"
(41) ROOFTOP – ( CONTINUOUS )
STAFFERS (singing a-capella) "The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together. Love Shack baby..."
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JAYE The glee club on a roof of a hospital.
CYLE Stimuli.
JAYE Wrong.
(42) SERIES OF SHOTS :
On the golf course disappointed Darrin putts into a water hazard. At the Barrel, ruckus, more lumberjacks walk in and that busty waiter flashes her tits.
(43) ROOFTOP – DAY/RAINY+THUNDER
CYLE Someone needs to get his bear out to him.
(43A) Cyle hands the stuffed koala toy to Jaye.
JAYE Oh. Okay. And plan-B?
CYLE Just say, "Allo Charlie. How's it goin' mate?" in your best koala voice.
JAYE Like some helium huffin’ smurf and lapse 3 weeks in my therapy?
CYLE Just get him to turn his head.
JAYE You don't send in a negotiator with the shotgun.
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(43B) Jaye sees it blink and throws it. The Little Girl goes out in the rain to get it, picks it up, and with 2 bears walks over to the kid by the edge.
STAFFERS Ahh! Liability!!
CYLE (holds them back) No, wait!... Look.
LITTLE GIRL Water.
KID CHARLIE Water water water.
(43C) Both kids lean and look over the edge. The crowd gasps below. The Little Girl gives the second bear.
KID CHARLIE Charlie!
LITTLE GIRL (frilly noises)
KID CHARLIE (frilly noises)
JAYE Are you people seeing this? We tripin' on the same thing??
(43D) Jaye sees both koalas animate, with both kids mimicking the same frilly noises. The kids put the bears up to their ears (listening-like), swap koalas couple times. Kid Charlie instantly comprehends and backs away from the edge. Crowd applauds below.
CYLE (pats Jaye on the back) Way to go Tyler.
JAYE (stunned)
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STAFFER Where did you say you found her ass?
CYLE Ass in question was hanging out a car window.
(43E) Everyone goes back inside except Jaye. Face still frozen looking out. Little Girl tugs on Jaye, hold out hand waiting for Skittles.
JAYE Skittles.
(44) SERIES OF SHOTS :
(44A) A CRANE SHOT showing height of the tree. It towers over the Healing Tree Building. Show the wind tugging at power lines. Show the rain liquefying away landscape woodchips and soil. Show tree roots pushing to the surface. A sprinkler head pops loose. A large branch snaps loose and comes down behind someone walking by.
(44B) Since this is a hospital, the pedestrian has a prosthetic leg and looses it in the mud. He hops back to pull it out and the branch falls where he was just standing.
PASSERBY Holy Sh-
(45) EXT. GOLF COURSE – “LIGHTENING HITS...” – DAY ( CONTINUOUS )
ERNESTO Shitomi goes next.
BUDDY #1 No, it’s Alejandro's.
ERNESTO No. Dr. Shitomi goes next because Alex Trebek skipped to the next hole and Shitomi was last up before he cut-in.
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DARRIN Would you guys please be quiet! I’m trying to concentrate.
ERNESTO Darrin, I don’t think you’ll make par on this one.
BUDDY #1 The weather looks nasty.
ERNESTO Maybe we should go inside?
DARRIN Gentlemen, please. (to self) Seven holes-in-one. I never heard of such a thing. And from the podiatrist who placed last in the tournament against St. Mary’s Children’s Hospital’s children.
BUDDY #2 Weren’t those kids in wheelchairs?
ERNESTO Shut-up is what you’re gonna do.
(45A) Darrin hits the ball on a perfect flight.
DARRIN Yeah!
BUDDY #1 The wind’s got your ball.
DARRIN It’s still good!
BUDDY #2 It’s starting to rain.
DARRIN Wait for it.
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ERNESTO (hears distant rumbling) We better go inside you guys.
DARRIN Wait for it!
(45B) The ball makes a textbook landing on the green.
BUDDIES Awe.
ERNESTO Landed right on the green. Oh well, better luck next time.
DARRIN You yaks! That’s what you’re suppose to do. Hello?! I don’t know what hippy croquet you think we're playing. We’re on a golf course gentleman. Remember golf?? That was backwind--not nature guiding your ball to destiny! And that was NOT a lucky beaver. It thought it saw an egg, chocked your ball and managed to spit it TOWARDS the hole.
(45C) Sounds of thunder rumbling.
DARRIN (CONT'D) Regardless of how f-(beep) amazing that was... GENTLEMEN THIS IS GOLF!... The object of THIS game is TRYING to get THAT ball into... THAT HOLE!! (points to hole)
(45D) A lightning bolt blows up his ball on the green.
DARRIN (calmer) You’re right. Let’s go inside.
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O.S. VOICE OMG! Alex Trebek got hit by lightening!
(46) INT. BLDG. – DAY
(46A) The children have gathered sitting directly behind Jaye. They talk in low chatter amongst themselves. After a few seconds of creeping Jaye out, Jaye gets up and goes over to Sharon.
ALL KIDS (repeated) Inundation. (whisper-like)
JAYE (to Sharon) Alright building’s open. Let’s go home.
SHARON What are you talking about? We still have a full day. Have cake.
JAYE (to Sharon) No cake! We’re calling Dr. Ron, we’re going home, I’m taking a red and a blue pill, wait for him in the morning, and and (voice breaking) get back my 3 weeks.
BETH What’s the matter? Not feeling well?
JAYE There! See? Let's go.
SHARON Anxiety. This is her first real people experience Jaye’s had outside of Pych. (to Jaye)
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No, no. This is good! Dr. Ron said small, small groups of people. Jaye, I’m proud of you.
JAYE (to Sharon) How much oxygen were you deprived in that closet?
(46B) Jaye makes a split-second look at Beth.
CYLE (to Jaye) You want to ask her? Go ahead. She'll know about that thing.
JAYE No. Nothing.
SHARON Thing?
BETH What thing?
JAYE Heck you say!
CYLE On the roof. Well, from what I saw—
JAYE (to Sharon) C’mon let’s go home. The day’ll disappear faster if I substitute half a red for half a blue.
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SHARON Jaye, hey, this is what an opportunity looks like. Dr. Ron said "Help yourself now"? That’s how people get better? You know we’re not allowed to carry those pills outside the house. And the tranquillizer he me is for emergencies. It’s a needle. And you know where it has to go.
JAYE You wouldn't.
SHARON (CONT'D) And she’s standing right here. What more do you need?
BETH Yes?
JAYE (stuttered) I, think, you should... have cake?
LITTLE GIRL (blows raspberries)
(46C) In the background, sounds of indigent children's disappointment (buzzer, blow raspberries, barking, etc).
BETH Is it something I did? Something I said? Is it about the building? What happened on the roof?
CYLE Well, from what I saw—
JAYE Shut up! (to kids) No candy!
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SHARON Jaye! Cyle, tell me what happened on that roof.
JAYE You're forgetting what Dr. Ron said--respect the patient. So respect my patience.
SHARON Fine. You want to crawl under the covers for another six months - be my guest! Dr. Ron will finally give you that sixth bracelet. In time you'll be like Mr. T! Just remember, drugs won't solve everything.
JAYE Then Viagra wouldn't be funny.
(46D) Little Girl tugs on Jaye.
LITTLE GIRL (whisper-like) Inundated.
JAYE Go away. No Skittles. Nothing's inundated.
CYLE That's not what Skittles meant.
BETH What's inundated?
SHARON Cyle, tell me--doctor's orders.
CYLE JAYE Inundated. The koalas. The koalas?? Inundated.
JAYE Inundated! There I said it.
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BETH You just asked me if the building is underwater?
SHARON Jaye! You’re insulting the architect. That’s crazy.
CYLE Crazy how, if I might add?
SHARON (to Cyle) Sweetie, family matters. Add not.
CYLE You’re dating my sister. Adding. Jaye?
SHARON What?! Wait. Why-why that again. Seriously? What is it about lesbians that scares you Cyle?
CYLE Don't swing dead cats around again Sharon. I'm talking about if you're going to be family, family isn't something you nilly change like some Facebook status.
SHARON It's not my fault she still doesn't know who you are after two years. Jaye never comes out of her bedroom.
CYLE I—
BETH Wait! Just wait. Hold on! This was about Jaye. Jaye wanting to ask me something... remember? Jaye?
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(46E) They turn to find no Jaye, just the children staring.
(47) INT. BATHROOM
(47A) Jaye kicks out a man from the restroom, still holding onto a long uncut paper towel roll.
(47B) The door slowly closes in the background. At the sink Jaye pats water on her face.
JAYE Fight back Jaye!... Pathetic.
(47C) In the mirror CAMERA pans reveals Little Girl standing behind the door, in mirror.
(48) EXT. BATHROOM
JAYE (muffled scream)
(49) INT. BLDG. – ( CONTINUOUS )
(49A) Cyle, Sharon, and Beth adlib their argument plus normal lobby background noise interrupted when...
ALL KIDS (short simultaneous scream)
(49B) Then ramps back up normal conversational volume.
(50) INT. BATHROOM
(50A) The Little Girl has her koala up to her face.
JAYE You startled me.
LITTLE GIRL (mirrored fragments) Me.
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JAYE You follow me because I look like her, your Mom?
LITTLE GIRL Mom.
JAYE I'm not Mom Skittles--not even related. Come here. (sees the koala) Stay there.
(50B) From Jaye's pocket, cautiously hands the Little Girl money.
JAYE Here. Now you can buy all the Skittles you want and don't have to follow me anymore.
LITTLE GIRL (silent)
JAYE Okay, 2 dollars. Trust me kid, I'm not who you think I am.
LITTLE GIRL I'm, you.
JAYE Oh. No no--listen.
LITTLE GIRL No, no.
JAYE No. You don't understand.
LITTLE GIRL You understaaaaand.
JAYE Listen. It's just, you have that. (taps her toy koala)
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And I, have these. (shows Medical Alert bracelets)
LITTLE GIRL Fluffy!
JAYE Right. And for that we can never hangout together or be friends— ever. Understand?
(50C) Little Girl rubs the stuffed koala in Jaye's face.
LITTLE GIRL (high pitch frilly noise) Brrriiiiirrrrr...
JAYE (muffled gasp)
(51) EXT. BATHROOM
(51A) A Staffer approaches the bathroom door with the guy who was kicked out . Jaye, while exiting, yells back inside.
JAYE It's over! So go stuff your fluffy in someone else's face from now on!
STAFFER Is there a problem here?
JAYE No. (walks away)
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(52) INT. CAFETERIA - DAY/RAINY OUTSIDE
(52A) The children are darting between 2 windows. As Jaye picks up a cup of Jell-O she spots a magnetic letter board reads "forest home safe" up and down the menu. Does a double-take and it reads like a normal menu again.
JAYE (to self) This place has “relapse” written all over it... (52B) Jaye goes over to Sharon. She eyeballs a large animal mural wallpaper that is STILL.
JAYE (CONT'D) Gimme your phone. I calling Dad to pick me up.
SHARON He'll still be golfing for another hour.
JAYE Let me worry about that.
SHARON Well it's in the car, charging. Beth's car. Not my car. My car doesn't have a door.
JAYE Then can I barrow the keys?
SHARON (fishes thru her purse) I do have her copy... But then there's the risk of you getting behind the wheel, and driving off.
(52C) Fished out of her purse Sharon hesitates to give up what's in her hand to Jaye.
JAYE I promise.
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SHARON There's a perfectly good payphone over there. You know you didn't have to ask me. Cyle and Beth have keys.
JAYE Cyle and I aren't exactly...
SHARON Ah. Heard. Poor guy. Even for a Zen, you really let him have it.
JAYE I made the man hug me.
SHARON You should apologize. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He collects Beanie Babies.
JAYE Can I have the keys?
SHARON Poor guy is sitting alone in the little boys room de-installing a condom machine, with a head-full of your earwigs.
JAYE Keys?
SHARON What if he were to become Pope? Ever thought of that?
JAYE The keys?
SHARON Not playing with the children. Not having cake. Just working in a bathroom—
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JAYE Guilt accomplished. Next time don't dye your hair blonde--it messes-up the stereotype. Where?
SHARON Hallway.
(52D) Sharon give up what's in her hand to Jaye.
(53) INT. BATHROOM
(53A) Enter Jaye. JAYE There you are. Sharon told me you'd be in here.
CYLE Aye. Just removing a practical joke.
JAYE Condoms. (rhetorical snort) You've worked hard enough today. You deserve a break. Some fresh air? Let's you and I step away for a minute. Perhaps go for a little drive—
CYLE Oh, Jaye... I'm not that kind of person.
(53B) Jaye sees she's presenting a handful of coins (in front of the condom machine) instead of the car keys. Her jaw drops.
CYLE (CONT'D) My personal rule is no hanky-panky 'till we have at least had a third date.
(53C) Jaye storms out.
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(54) INT. CAFETERIA - ( CONTINUOUS )
(54A) Enter Jaye passing happy Sharon eating her sandwich.
SHARON Payphone is over there. We'll leave it a little bit. Have a sandwich.
JAYE (O.S.) Choke it!
(54B) Jaye reaches the phone with a newer angry face. Pan to reveal an "out of order" sign.
(55) EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY/RAINING
DARRIN Weathergirl said it was going to be fair.
BUDDY #1 Their goes the flag on the 15th hole.
ERNESTO It’s a shame. Makes you think what kinda score I would’ve gotten if I played all 19 holes.
CLUBHOUSE STAFFER Arcade room is open.
EVERYONE Yay!
(56) INT. WONDERFALLS GIFT STORE - DAY/STORMY
(56A) Enter HELPER WAITRESS from the Barrel dropping a delivery to Aaron. The MOUTHBREATHER and AARON are at cash registers.
HELPER WAITRESS Your sandwich and your ice-cream. Jaye's PMS ice-cream?
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MOUTHBREATHER Jaye's... what?
AARON Triple fudge gold Klondike with mint. The gold is the sugary coated peanuts.
MOUTHBREATHER You're sneaking in rum. I'm gonna have to taste it.
(56B) With a hidden smile, Mouthbreather rushes the bag away while Aaron pays for the delivery.
HELPER WAITRESS (blank stare)
AARON I like peanuts. I do.
HELPER WAITRESS He's eating all of it.
(57) INT. CAFETERIA - DAY/RAINY OUTSIDE
(57A) Cyle sits down with his tray at a table across from Jaye. Her hoodie pulled up, arms folded, and regresses like a cat laying behind its tail. Behind Cyle Jaye tries not to look at the wallpaper mural of the Australian Bush (inanimate/still). The Little Girl approaches Cyle and stares him eye-to-eye, silently. Cyle appears/attempts to "read" her.
CYLE They could offer us so much from their world perspective. Their understanding "why" or "how" they simply see it as "is" and "are". Anything else would be madness.
(57B) Cyle presents a cookie. Little Girl bites it and takes off.
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CYLE (CONT'D) It's simpler that way.
(57C) Little Girl sits and finishes her cookie next to Jaye.
CYLE (CONT'D) That boy's conversation with that Ficus shouldn't be detrimental, but a fringe art in knowing about that plant.
(57D) Across the room the mother scolds the boy for pouring coffee in the plant.
CYLE Acidic. Fascinating.
JAYE I'm guessing you had a lot of imaginary friends growing-up.
(57E) As Cyle talks to Jaye he's trading funny facial expressions with the Little Girl across the table.
CYLE No.
JAYE Drugs?
CYLE No.
JAYE Virgin. That makes sense. Their isolated ways can only be classified as their own. It's really a handicap.
CYLE Einstein didn't have sex until his late 30's. Are you asking if I'm mad?
(57F) The koalas have now disappeared from the mural.
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JAYE Retarded. Zen hippy.
CYLE Retards don't pass the AIA board with a 6 year degree in Land Engineering. They don't give those licenses to just anyone.
(57G) Jaye looks at the wallpaper. The koalas have all huddled in the mural behind a patch of leaves in a tree, just above Cyle's head. They blink and make frilly noises.
CYLE If you want to go home, just ask me. I'll take you.
JAYE Really?
CYLE Though if you leave now Skittles will think she's abandoned again.
KOALA WALLPAPER (frilly noises)
LITTLE GIRL (giggles)
CYLE Shall I just tell her you're dead? Quick, like a bandage.
(57H) Jaye draws tightly the strings on her hoodie sweater with only her nose and chin showing. Cyle trades more funny face with Little Girl.
LITTLE GIRL (giggles)(frilly noise)
(57I) Jaye's cocks back her head. Glances at the girl's stuffed toy. Bites her lip. Gets up to dash out of frame. O.S. sounds of Jaye crashing into a person, destroying his/her food tray.
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(57J) SHOT from across the table Cyle watches a severed ice cream cone plop on the table.
STAFFER Watch where y'er goin' there, Kenny. (pulls up Jaye's hoodie)
(58) INT. WONDERFALLS GIFT STORE – DAY/STORMY
AARON (answers phone) Wonderfalls Gift Emporium.
(58A) INTERCUT WITH... INT. THE BARREL - DAY/STORMY
MAHANDRA You dumbass!
AARON Jaye? (to Mouthbreather) Private call.
(58B) Mouthbreather starts his watch timer.
MAHANDRA You put my ad in The Big Wood Bystander! Two days ago you said you’d put it in the local paper!
AARON It’s a local paper. You have it around the corner, next to that canary shop. It's half French half English. If you’re lucky, you’ll attract one for both.
MAHANDRA You put my ad in a Canadian Logging paper! That's why it's in French. This paper serves Greater Quebec!
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LUMBERJACK And Yellowknife. Is this a bar?
AARON How do know?
MAHANDRA Paul Bunyan here told me. He has your ad circled twice.
AARON Wow, a two-circler. I'd thought that wording-saving was cleaver.
MAHANDRA And you failed to mention this was a food service position?! Hello? Did you get that?
AARON Don't worry. I’ll fix it. Mahandra? Hello?
(58C) The lights and phones go dead at both ends. Meanwhile across the bar...
LUMBERJACK Hooks, hacksaw, circular and band saw. Any table machine really –- up to a 30 blade.
HELPER EMPLOYEE (to Mahandra) Mah, are you hiring a butcher?
MAHANDRA He’s a Lumberjack!
HELPER EMPLOYEE You’re not really a Lumberjack?
MAHANDRA Sir, do you have all your appendages?
LUMBERJACK All, except Willy.
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Clean off by a chainsaw. Nearly missed my balls.
MAHANDRA Stop.
LUMBERJACK (whimsical) And if you think that stops the Misses from fu-
MAHANDRA STOOOOOOP! They curse worse than sailors.
(58D) Her cell phone rings. She answers.
MAHANDRA (CONT'D) You better fix it. And put it in a proper paper! Or you’ll never see me naked again!
LUMBERJACK Can I?
(58E) Mahandra scares off Lumberjack by making chainsaw noises.
(59) SERIES OF SHOTS :
(59A) Show the giant has fallen onto the front of the Healing Tree building and main Lobby. Major power lines have been snagged. Show a blackout at the golf course clubhouse. The Wonderfalls gift store has no power. The Barrel bar has no power, and/or music.
(59B) From the outside, show kids at the Healing Tree bldg. looking out a window. They're watching dangling power lines electrifying a water puddle. FLY-THRU video follows the conductivity path to more water puddles near the rear of the bldg. Show a squirrel drops a nut nearby an electrified puddle. It hops down to retrieve it and is instantly disintegrated in a flash of smoke. Show all the children screaming in the window.
END OF ACT 2
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ACT 3
(60) INT. BLDG.
(60A) The power is out. The crowd is edgy.
STAFFER Settle down people, everyone stay calm. It’s just a little storm outage. The lights will come on shortly. (to Beth & Cyle) Why aren't the lights coming on? What happened to the generators?
CYLE Tested fine yesterday.
BETH Maybe a circuit tripped.
SHARON “Circuit”? That isn’t the same as a “circuit breaker”?
BETH Yes. Why?
SHARON Remember that excursion to the supply closet? Well, it was so small, I may have bumped into one of the panels...
BETH Normally, that won’t do anything.
SHARON (CONT'D) ...with my heel.
JAYE Eww. Gross.
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CYLE (to Beth) Alright Bethelen Minora Buchinsky, which closet am I going looking in?
BETH Roof Access closet. The riser closet. Or, the supply closet.
SHARON (forced humor) Riser? Is that why they call it a "riser" closet? Get it? Rise–
BETH (flicks Sharon on the shoulder) No.
JAYE This is how you punish. (slaps Sharon in the face) No!
(60B) Enter worried Staffers.
STAFFER Is everyone here all right?
BETH Yes. Why?
(60C) Staffer whispers something to Beth. Commotion among the Staffers. Some run out of the room.
SHARON For such a large facility, that was a very small closet.
JAYE (reprimanding Sharon) How many times have I said, “nothing good comes from burning loins”!
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(60D) Beth whispers something to Cyle.
CYLE (CONT'D) What? Gather everyone into the hallway and prepare the children to do a fire drill.
JAYE What? What's wrong?
STAFFER Alright people...
(61) INT. THE BARREL – DAY/STORMY OUTSIDE
(61A) The power is out. Mahandra directs the beer fest loggers out.
MAHANDRA Alright people... single file... Folks? Sorry, but without power we can’t run the taps. You can stay for the food, but if you’re still thirsty, we have all the water you can drink— (cut off by moans)
PATRON How about anything in a bottle?
MAHANDRA I can mix you a Pink Squirrel, but the blender is out.
PATRON Pink whaa? Ah ferget it. (leaves)
HELPER EMPLOYEE (to Mahandra) You don’t need power to run the taps-
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MAHANDRA Shh! La la la. The math, do the math... 100 thirsty Germans, the register is down, can you do long division entirely by hand? Do the math.
HELPER EMPLOYEE So now what?
MAHANDRA Start von clean up.
(61B) Mahandra grabs a bus tray. And pulls out a lacy thong panty from a beer bottle.
MAHANDRA (CONT'D) And fire Helga.
(62) INT. GOLF CLUBHOUSE - DAY/STORMY OUTSIDE
DARRIN In the dark, with a room full of men, and this is the best we can come up with?
ERNESTO Trebek! You cut me off on the course. I want recompense!
(62A) An arm wrestling.
ALEX TREBEK I've beaten everyone so far. Let's settle this.
ERNESTO I was born with, um, carpal tunnel. So I choose my opponent- Doctor Hyeondo Shitomi.
(62B) Shitomi rips off his shirt in a flash of thunder.
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ERNESTO Don't blink. He can take the meat out of a sausage without touching the skin.
(63) EXT. BLDG. – DAY/STORMY
Show black smoke rising from the top of the roof where the tree has crushed the building. Show the front/lobby is crushed/blocked.
(64) INT. HALLWAY - DARK
STAFFER (to Beth) We can't use these 3 fire exits. Parts of the fallen tree are still blocking the door.
SOMEBODY What's she talking about? Why can't we go thru the front?
BETH Apparently the storm knocked a few branches down. A window broke. There's glass. So... Let's just keep moving toward the building's rear entrance. Okay?
(64A) CUT to show a couple of Staffers putting out spot fires in the destroyed Lobby.
STAFFER Can't you smell smoke?
BETH Um, no. A cigarette?
STAFFER ANGRY BLACK WOMAN Hey! No smoking! God help if I find whoever you are!
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STAFFER Indoor voices please. We don't want to upset the children. If we all could calmly keep moving the direction we were going, we can all find our way out.
(64B) Jaye is noticing some kids’ koalas animating. She’s confined and can only make an unpleasant face.
ANIMATED KOALAS Forest home safe.
BETH Cyle, we need light.
CYLE I installed a solar-powered fiber-optic thingy? But it was suppose to be a surprise.
BETH Now!
CYLE Children make a path. (to Jaye) Jaye, where’s your kid?
JAYE Wha-?!
CYLE Where is Skittles?
(64C) Jaye sees every child's toy koala animating.
JAYE Gah!! I gotta get outta here.
(64D) CAMERA BACKTRACKS looking at Jaye pushing her way thru adults and children. The animals in the wallpaper appear to be "evacuating". Lots of cross-commotion. Without loosing it, Jaye can only make an unpleasant face.
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MUSES Forest home safe. (repeats)
(64E) Upside-down/reversed CAMERA shot of Jaye solely running full tilt down a blind hallway.
(65) INT. BLDG. - - END OF HALLWAY / REAR EXIT ENTRYWAY / STAIR LANDING - DAY/STORMY OUTSIDE + THUNDER & LIGHTENING
(65A) Very quiet in the entryway. Occasional thunder /w lightening. The silence is broken when Jaye bursts from the hallway doors (push-bar type). Irritable crowd noise can be heard inside. Jaye shuts the door with her back. It’s silent again. Breathy noises from Jaye, sort of like a panic attack. She tries to reclaim herself. She slumps down to the floor.
(66) INT. DARK UTILITY CLOSET
(66A) Cyle with flashlight toggles a electrical panel.
(67) INT. BLDG. – ( CONTINUOUS ) - END OF HALLWAY / REAR EXIT ENTRYWAY / STAIR LANDING - DAY/STORMY OUTSIDE + THUNDER & LIGHTENING
(67A) Delicate amber point illuminations of floor runner lights and fiber optic ceiling stars appear at Jaye’s location.
(67B) Jaye notices RUSTLING coming from behind a planter on the stairs. It moves about making subtle noises.
O.S. VOICE (frilly sounds)
JAYE Go away little girl, or boy. Not now Skittles.
O.S. VOICE (whisper-like) E-lec-tro-cu-tion.
(67C) Annoyed, Jaye gets up and goes over to the stair landing.
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JAYE Damn it Kid. If you’ve learned anything about being in a hospital it’s - don’t aggravate the mental patients—
(67D) The thing pops out. A fully animated, walking, frilly-sounding koala. Add THUNDER and LIGHTENING.
JAYE Paaaaagh! Fluffy. You owe me 3 weeks!
KOALA (frilly sounds)
JAYE We had a deal, a new deal. Why are you breaking it?
KOALA Electrocution.
JAYE (voice breaking) I held up my end. I'm suppose to do it myself! Figure things out myself. Make friends. I, have, friends. I can get friends! Don’t you dare make me throw away two whole years of my life!
KOALA Electro-
JAYE I’m not Princess Perfect. I’m not an ice queen either. You want me to get you? Right? Well I have to get better-- normal! Or else the host dies. And you don't want that! Right? Well?? Say something!
KOALA Electro-
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JAYE FINE! Skittles look away. Mommy has to return the koala back to the farm.
LITTLE GIRL (sadly) Jaye, no.
JAYE Jaye? You said my name. You know my name. Skittles that great. Skittles that's awesome. Skittles, sorry, I don't know your name. You're not pickled off as we thought you were.
LITTLE GIRL Home.
MUSES Forest. Safe.
JAYE (to Muses) Biirrrrr! Zip it! (to Little Girl) Home. Me too--I just wanna go— Wow. I've come up to your level of understanding. Or maybe you've come down to mine. Either way the one thing you don't know about me is—
LITTLE GIRL & MUSES Forest, home, safe.
JAYE Oh no. You and fluffy? Say something.
LITTLE GIRL & MUSES Forest, home, safe.
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JAYE Something longer!
LITTLE GIRL & MUSES (koala teaches her to say...) Electrocution... Inundation... Lesbians...
JAYE What do you want from me?! Give me more time. FLUFFY!!
CYLE Jaye.
(67E) Cyle has entered from a O.S corridor. Who knows how long he has been standing there. Cyle only sees a STILL stuffed koala toy atop the stairs. (67F) The crowd enters from main hallway.
(68) INT. BLDG. - - END OF HALLWAY / REAR EXIT ENTRYWAY / STAIR LANDING - DAY/ STORMY OUTSIDE
(68A) CUE MUSIC: rock power ballad “Mamma I’m coming home” BY Ozzy Osbourne. Background, throughout...
BETH / STAFFER Alright folks. Parents hold your kid’s hand. We’re all going back to the Old Wing until we get this mess cleaned and sorted out. Sorry.
SOMEBODY Aren’t Architects and Engineers suppose to prevent this kinda stuff?
(68B) The Little Girl is tugging at Jaye throughout...
BETH (to Cyle) Hey. Did you plant it wrong?
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CYLE Don’t mock my beautiful tree. That thing’s granite. Unless you botched up my soil Butchinski.
BETH Your in charge of Landscaping. I gave you the Topology.
CYLE No no. I clearly remember you gave me the Topology Soil Results.
BETH That wasn’t the results. That was the work order!
CYLE You wouldn’t even start on the foundation if the ground work wasn’t compacted yet! So why the hell would I buy a big giant tree and stick it in the ground, if the ground wasn’t even compact?
CYLE BETH Nobody did the Topology? Nobody did the Topology? And you started construction?! And you put in a tree?! That means, the grounds are... That means, the grounds are...
JAYE (to Little Girl) WHAT?!
LITTLE GIRL Inundated. (slowly)
BETH & CYLE Inundated.
BETH The DSA committee will kill us on this.
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CYLE Not if the building does it first. You didn't know at all?
BETH Jaye actually tried to tell me. (to Jaye) My head was in my loins. Should've listened to my older step Sis.
JAYE (to self) OMG, she's like a tiny little Sylvia Brown. She's like...
CYLE (sotto to Jaye's ear) Like a tiny little you. A mini you...
JAYE A mini-me.
(68C) Jaye and the Little Girl both visually watch the same koala pop out from behind the planter (atop the stairs), walk down thru the crowd and toward the sliding–door exit. It makes a patriotic little pose before walking into the metal automatic sliding door which is currently electrified by the puddle outside the building...
KOALA Forest home safe.
JAYE (whispers to Little Girl) Can you hear ‘em Skittles? Can you hear the Koalas?
(68D) ...And the koala ELECTROCUTES itself.
(68E) TIMED MUSIC CUE: “...Mamma I’m coming hooooooo-o-ome.” Mamma I'm Comin' Home By Ozzie Osborne.
(68F) Jaye and Little Girl react to what they just saw. Cyle didn’t see anything.
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LITTLE GIRL Home.
JAYE I can’t believe it. A-A-Another me. A Mini Me! And see 'em too. So, I’m not crazy--I’m savant! Screw those 3 weeks. Skittles we’re going on Oprah and becoming millionaires! (rational/calm) No disrespect on your mom orphanizing you and everything. But you're going to love money.
(68G) Cyle gives Skittles some Skittles.
JAYE (CONT'D) (to Cyle) Thank you.
CYLE Aye, mate.
JAYE Now if you don’t want to turn this gift into a spectacle, become a celebrity, rule the world, etc, I’ll understand. Just say the word.
LITTLE GIRL Home. Home!
JAYE No no. Oprah. Oprah!
(68H) Enter STAFFER from Hallway door. Puff of smoke following him.
STAFFER (sotto to Beth) The building’s on fire. I went to check the rooms for children and the further I went the more smoke just—
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BETH That tree must’ve broken thru the electrical system. We need to get everyone out.
LITTLE GIRL Home!
(68I) Little Girl starts an emotional chain reaction with the rest of the kids.
KIDS Home, home, home, HOME, home...
(68J) As adults move toward the exit, they hold themselves back when their kids all hesitantly and uniformly attach themselves to Jaye. They holding up their stuffed koalas to her face.
JAYE Aggh! Children of the corn!!! Personal space issues! Respect the space! Okay! What do you want!?
(68K) All the stuffed koalas are animating at the same time...
KOALAS Forest home safe.
CYLE (to Jaye) Well, there’s the "friends" you were asking for. What? You need a marquee?! They’re waiting for an answer.
JAYE Forest? What do you mean by forest?
(68L) From Jaye's POV the CAMERA FOCUSES past the burnt bear on the ground to a sign “Welcome to the Magic Forest Gymnasium" with a cardboard koala pointing to the stairwell.
JAYE [ adlib ]
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(68M) Lead by the Little Girl, one by one the children start marching up the stairs. Jaye blocks off the parents exit.
JAYE (to Crowd) People? Um, change in plans. The kids and I are going to stay , so I suggest you do also .
(68N) A sour response from the adults, except Cyle. Jaye sees the burned koala lying by her feet, it give a thumbs-up. Cyle sees nothing. An VERY TALL ORDERLY challenges Jaye. Her forehead is at height to his elbows. She doesn't even look up.
VERY TALL ORDERLY Lady you want to get out of my way. We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way.
JAYE No pea-brain, headless, beanstalk is going to sway me. Especially when his pods is inline with my fist. So... “the hard way”?
(68O) The orderly backs down.
BETH Jaye, the building is in shambles and, (sotto) and I think it’s on fire.
SHARON Oh no. I wouldn’t’ve expect it this soon. But, I was prepared for such an event by her doctor.
(68P) Sharon pulls out and preps a GIANT syringe from her purse.
SHARON (CONT'D) (to person next to her) Turn around if your squeamish.
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(68Q) As Sharon walks toward Jaye, she’s pepper-sprayed by Cyle. Cyle holds the entire crowd at bay; hostage-like.
CYLE ALRIGHT NOBODY MOVE! Please. (after a beat) (to Jaye) Ok now what?
AUDIO TRANSITION: A RINGING PHONE.
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(69) INT. THE BARREL – DAY/STORMY OUTSIDE
(69A) No power. No customers. Big mess left behind by the party.
MAHANDRA (on the phone) No! NO! NO! Absolutely not! Are you kidding me? Is this a pank?! Fine! If you want an interview so bad, you'll drag your ass all the way down here from Quebec Canada. And get here by midnight! Got it, aye?! (hangs up) Gawd.
(70) INT. GOLF CLUBHOUSE – DAY
(70A) In the background, singing/cheer/good spirits at the club’s bar room. Darrin is on a payphone. Busy signal.
ERNESTO Doctor, we need your stethoscope.
(70B) Darrin removes a beer bong funnel from around his neck.
ERNESTO Hey Darrin, why aren’t you coming back in the game?
DARRIN Not yet. I completely forgot I was suppose to call my daughters and pick up my Jaye before I came here. I’m trying to reach Sharon's cell now, but I can’t get thru. And now I have a bad feeling.
ERNESTO It’s the storm. All that rain blocks the signals.
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SOMEBODY It’s the blackout – it's huge. Citywide. Something downtown. Heard lots of fire trucks going that way.
DARRIN Where?
SOMEBODY Down that street.
ERNESTO Sounds big.
DARRIN That goes toward the hospital! [[funny swear word]]. I sensed something wasn’t right.
ERNESTO Problemo? You’re leaving? The rain’s let up. What about your tee-off?
DARRIN Both my daughters are there. All this time they might have been trying to contact me--they may be in peril.
(70C) Clark Kent to Superman moment. Hangs-up phone, rips open shirt/jacket to reveal an “S” on a paper plate. After a beat Darrin takes off his “S” and gives it to Ernesto.
DARRIN (CONT'D) Here. You take my place in human Jumble. (leaves)
ERNESTO (after a beat) Guys! I wanna spell a dirty word!
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(71) INT. BLDG. - - END OF HALLWAY / REAR EXIT ENTRYWAY / STAIR LANDING - DAY
(71A) Beth and people are pouring bottled water in Sharon’s eyes. Mascara runs everywhere.
BETH Cyle!
CYLE I said BACK! Everyone! (to Jaye) What now?
JAYE (after a beat) The Forest.
CYLE The gym? Alright everyone, up the stairs, follow the kids. You heard me. Orderly fashion now. Let’s go.
(71B) The crowd moves along but in disbelief. (71C) ANGRY MAN breaks loose and charges toward the exit.
ANGRY MAN Nuts! You all are nuts. Every last one of you! Ya’all can hot-box it here in your deathtrap. I'm outta here. So kiss my—
LITTLE GIRL (yelps)!
JAYE Cyle!
(71D) ANGRY MAN is briefly electrocuted when he attempts to pry open the metal frame of the automatic sliding door before falling backwards. ANGRY MAN Aaaaaaaaaassssssss...
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CYLE Somebody help that man up. And be careful.
JAYE LITTLE GIRL Dumbass. Dumbass.
(72) INT. THE BARREL - DAY
(72A) No power. One customer. A HELPER EMPLOYEE drops off a full bus tray at the counter and goes to fan Mahandra. Mahandra is sitting, soaking all 4 tired appendages in 4 bus-trays of ice water.
HELPER EMPLOYEE That’s the last of it.
MAHANDRA I’ll deal with it later. Will you stay to help cover the dinner shift?
HELPER EMPLOYEE I will.
MAHANDRA Bless you child.
(72B) Enter Aaron (he’s wearing Jaye’s smock).
AARON It’s done. I convinced the Big Wood Bystander that you weren’t a barrel & crate manufacturer. (sits) I got your money back. (on Mahandra’s buckets) Um?
HELPER EMPLOYEE Bastille Day. We’re the only 2 here. She just finished washing and putting away—
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MAHANDRA A micro-brewery.
AARON I feel guilty. I know you suck in math and had to drive away customers on account of the registers going down. I guess I never really saw the consequences. You know, I’m good in math.
MAHANDRA If I get up, I will kill you. And on your derogatory apology -- congratulations on your sex change Aaron J. Tyler. You’re now officially your own sister.
AARON I’m not turning into Jaye.
MAHANDRA You do know your wearing your smock outside of work. All the signs were there: Barrowing Titanic, living in her trailer...
AARON A perfectly paid-for unused dwelling. And that movie was for a book report.
MAHANDRA (CONT'D) You have her best friend -- that one bothers me a little. Her car, her job at the store...
AARON Holding, for the Summer. Something for her to comeback to when she' is deemed psychotically legal. I don’t even like working there.
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MAHANDRA Aye say Jaye Tyler! (ad-hoc sympathetic) Mouthbreather got you working late again Jaye Tyler? When do you want me to drop off your Maxis Jaye Tyler? After work or at your trailer Jaye Tyler?
AARON Mouth and I are best friends.
MAHANDRA I-...
AARON Between you and me... I’m not the one Mouth has developed a crush on... But you didn’t hear that from me.
MAHANDRA (to Helper Employee) I’m gonna need another bucket.
(72C) The last patron inside approaches to pay his bill.
AARON (to Mahandra) Look at the good - nobody died, nobody was struck by that lightening or whatever that was, your employer will never W2 and comp pay a Lumberjack. It’ll be a funny story one day to tell our chil-, clients. (help Mahandra do the math bill) Now subtotal.
MAHANDRA Clients?
AARON Yes. I think about that stuff. That what good ‘employers’ do. Carry the 2.
Wonderfalls “Hanging Koala” 2x03 06/06/2006 (edit-outs in red ) 95/ 115
AARON We help each other out... And his change comes to?
PATRON Keep it. (refuses change) T’was quite a day. (leaves)
MAHANDRA 13 dollar tip.
AARON You deserve it. For the record, you did give him the correct change. (after a beat) Again, really sorry for the French ad. And my high intellect. Hey, you’ll never hear that outta Jaye.
(72D) CAMERA stays on Aaron.
MAHANDRA (O.S.) You’ll have to make up for it.
AARON Of Course.
MAHANDRA (O.S.) Can you Aleve a stiff back?
AARON I’m the best.
(72E) A bra lands on Aaron.
MAHANDRA (O.S.) With any luck, you just might earn back your penis.
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(73) INT. GYM – HEALING TREE
(73A) Cue tension music. CAMERA PANS RIGHT continuously on the people sitting against the wall/bleachers like victims in wait. Towels are stuffed into the door's cracks.
SOMEONE BY THE DOOR Stuff it like this. Help me keep the smoke out.
KID Mommy. What’s it like to burn alive?
SHARON (tearing up) By my own sister...
BETH You flaring up? (grabs water bottle)
SHARON I always though I would die holding the hand of my true love... You, of course, are the true one. I mean— {adlib}. (after a beat) Wanna hold my hand?
BETH I’m not in the mood.
(73B) End CAMERA PAN on...
OLD WOMAN (staring at Jaye) Look at her. Calm, demeanored, in control...
(73C) We see Jaye in the gym office window with her back to us.
OLD WOMAN (CONT'D) (staring at Jaye) I’d be pullin’ my own hair out.
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(74) INT. GYM OFFICE - ( CONTINUOUS )
(74A) Jaye is breathing thru a paper bag.
CYLE Breathe. Breathe.
(74B) INT. GYM – ( CONTINUOUS )
OLD WOMAN (CONT'D) A person like that knows what’s best for us.
PERSON #1 I hope.
PERSON #2 I heard she was a mental patient here.
STAFFER I heard she was a homeless drunk who tried to hang herself in a car window.
ANGRY MAN Well that’s it! (stands up) She’s nuts! What are we doing?! Why are we following a drunk mental bum nut?!
SHARON That’s my sister you Hoebokin! She’s NOT nuts! (sotto) anymore.
PERSON #3 Well, I’d rather take my chances out there finding an escape.
PERSON #4 Yeah, what’s the worst that can happen?
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BETH Burned, crushed by the fallen tree, or other debris, how about electrocuted.
PERSON #5 Like that guy.
ANGRY MAN Don’t you people watch the news? Don’t you know they do this a thousands of times? Trap people, burn the place down. That’s when they want to die.
OTHERS -I’m with you dude. -Me too. -I’m not going to sit around and wait. -Yeah! Yeah!!
ANGRY MAN Yeah!
(74C) Crowd upheaval.
OPPOSED PERSON What about waiting for rescue?
ANGRY MAN What about your children? What about a tomorrow?!
(74D) Crowd upheavals and moves O.S.
(75) INT. GYM OFFICE –
(75A) Jaye is still breathing thru a paper bag. Cyle is sealing off the cracks in the room.
JAYE I'm going to hell.
CYLE You're not going to hell.
Wonderfalls “Hanging Koala” 2x03 06/06/2006 (edit-outs in red ) 99/ 115
JAYE I'm putting children on fire.
CYLE I've'n't seen you kill anyone. And I haven't had the liberty of restraining you. Yet.
JAYE (voice breaking) It's bad. What judge is gonna believe this... “Prove you weren’t taking hostages”, “Did you say koalas?”... Just needs motive to give Crazy the electric chair.
CYLE You're not crazy.
JAYE (sifts thru a medicine cabinet) We’re in a hospital, so there's the drugs. And ha ha--the Kool- Aid! (points to a Gatorade cooler)
(75B) Jaye tosses something from the medicine cabinet to Cyle.
CYLE You want to kill everyone with Jock cream?
JAYE Remind me again, why?
CYLE "Forrest, home, and safe" I believe is was, Luv?
LITTLE GIRL (nods yes)
CYLE Two out of three.
Wonderfalls “Hanging Koala” 2x03 06/06/2006 (edit-outs in red ) 100/ 115
JAYE Poor fragmented little Skittles.
CYLE Well, you’ll need an alibi.
CYLE (CONT'D) “Yes your Honor, as the architect, I affirm the gym was the most stabilized structure of the building: hanger-grade pylons, reinforced footings, its generators and ventilation are top-of-the line...”
JAYE The tour?! Of course! Give the judge a tour! And the D.A., the jury, and your cellmate Big Bruno while he rides your backside into retirement.
CYLE I've heard a prisoners anus is as big as a house. (after a beat) Hmm. You never told me what they said.
JAYE You just said, forrest—
CYLE Koalas. Right? In the cafeteria, by the phone, on the roof. You normally have swearing fits with potted plants on stairs? Exactly what did they say? Just to get our stories straight... for the Judge.
(75C) Enter angry crowd.
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ANGRY MAN We changed our minds. We’re getting out of here. I'm not going to idly sit by and let some wacko Waco-ize us! (to crowd) Look they got Kool-Aid!
(75D) Enter crowd.
JAYE (to Cyle) (shrugs) I don’t know what your talking about.
(75E) A MAN enters the gym office coughing.
MAN The gym’s filling up with smoke. (cough) (cough)
(75F) CUE TENSION MUSIC. (75G) Jaye and Cyle go over to an office window and look thru the blinds. CAMERA ZOOMS IN (Jaye’s POV). Smoke is pouring out from all the big vents into the gymnasium below. We can see everyone getting up and going up the stairs to the gym office.
CYLE The fire’s reached the gym.
BETH Everyone inside. We can close the door and seal off the sides. (to Cyle) I hope you know what you're doing.
TRANSITION: COMMERCIAL BREAK
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(76) EXT. HEALING TREE BLDG. – FIREFIGHTERS HELD BACK - DAY
(76A) Continue TENSION MUSIC. Smoke pours out the top of the building. Live downed power line are jumping aground.
FIREFIGHTER CHIEF (over PA) Nobody is to move. Stay clear of all watered areas until the power is off. (normal) My God. I just hope nobody’s really in there.
(76B) Firefighter #1 approaches the Chief with a “GRAND OPENING” banner. FIREFIGHTER #1 Sir! We may have a problem. I found this.
(76C) Darrin arrives on-scene and is held back from entering.
DARRIN Holy smoked salmon and burning biscuits. Jaye! Sharon! My daughters are in there! Let me go! I am a doctor of this hospital!
FIREFIGHTER CHIEF (into his radio) Falls16 to Central One. We have a code KFC. Advise mortuary.
(77) INT. THE BARREL - DAY
(77A) Continue TENSION MUSIC. In the back, Mahandra and Aaron are rolling around coitus in the dark.
(77B) In the front Helper is sweeping up. A Lumberjack enters with an axe. Helper turns him away.
(77C) A over-flaming candle catches a paper menu. HELPER puts it out in time.
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(78) INT. GYM OFFICE – ( CONTINUOUS )
(78A) Continue TENSION MUSIC. Everyone is either covering their mouths, fanning away smoke, or coughing. Everyone is lined up, sitting against the walls again. Cyle and some men are trying to bust out the only window – a cemented stained glass mural of a koala.
CYLE Too thick. (Coughs).
(78B) Angry Man approaches Jaye. He has his kid with him. All the kids are happy/ok/smiling.
JAYE What.
ANGRY MAN I spoke with my kid. I hope you know what you’re doing. (Coughs).
(78C) He extends to shake Jaye’s hand, then walks O.S.
(78D) More smoke is seeping in. Jaye is watching the window blinds melt from the heat. Their last bit of POWER DIES. Jaye looks to a koala, but it just remains inanimate.
(79) EXT. HEALING TREE BLDG. - DAY
(79A) Electrician signals the power is off. Firefighters move in, breaking and dowsing everything. Two firemen analyze that burned squirrel.
FIREFIGHTER #1 Beaver? Possum?
FIREFIGHTER #2 That’s not a Possum. It’s a squirrel – look at its nuts.
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(80) INT. GYM OFFICE - ( CONTINUOUS )
(80A) CUE MUSIC: sad Spanish guitar ballad . CAMERA PANS LEFT to RIGHT of the sitting victims. Couples bid their goodbyes to each other.
SPANISH MAN (en Espanõl)
SPANISH WOMAN (en Espanõl)
(80B) They hold hands. Continue PAN...
ANGRY MAN [[apologizes for snapping]]
PERSON It’s okay man. It’s going to be, (chokes) okay.
(80C) They shake hands. Continue PAN...
SHARON I’m sorry I snapped at you. I-I love you, you know.
BETH I-I, I’m scared too, Honey.
(80D) They hold hands. Continue PAN...
KIDS Patty cake, patty cake, Baker’s man, bake me a cake as fast as you can...
(80E) They clap hands. END PAN on...
(80F) Cyle gives up breaking the window and sits down next to Jaye. Jaye is holding a (inanimate) stuffed koala.
JAYE Have you ever had a question, you knew you could answer, it has no words, but it's right on the tip of your tongue?
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CYLE Does collecting Beanie Babies make one gay.
JAYE Before all this I had the choice of golfing with my Dad. I didn’t even say goodbye. The last thing I said was (sniffle) he was boring. (after a beat) I can hear 'em. Everywhere, everyday, dark corners, in the shower...
CYLE Dad?
JAYE This. (hold up koala)
CYLE I said I know. I’ve always known. Did you know your sister talks about you all the time? She really is proud of you. Oh good golly, she comes in work and it's “Oh, sorry Honey-", Honey being my sister, "today I have to: run this for Jaye, I have to refill that for Jaye, finish cutting the faces out of the magazines, for Jaye.”
JAYE Then why did she rarely visit me at the hospital? Every one else did. Even the Mouthbreather. God knows why.
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CYLE She gets off work six o’clock, Beth seven. If there was any time left after errands, chores, visiting hours are nothing but over. If something had to be, she goes and makes me do it, for you. You're so fortunate to have this entire army working for you. These kids, and like so many other, have nothing. Their parents are who ever's on-call, their only friends are doctors. Some, their only family are these cheap polyester hypoallergenic toys I ordered from a souvenir store discount catalog. (coughs)
JAYE You’re twisting the surreal -- and don’t say surrender. Because there’s reality, and what isn’t proven reality, there just isn’t.
CYLE You’re starting to sound like your brother.
JAYE He leaves his textbooks by the toilet... But-but, but just sometimes—
CYLE Sometimes you hear things. One of the 5 senses. I hear things.
JAYE Like, what?
CYLE You.
JAYE Anything else?
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CYLE You mean, God? Ask me again in 10 minutes. (chuckles)
(80G) They hold hands.
JAYE (wry) Son of a bitch. Why always the pretty ones – and right before they die.
(81) EXT. HEALING TREE BLDG. – ( CONTINUOUS )
(81A) Sounds of the Hook & Ladder truck reaching the window. A firefighter, holding an axe, assesses the stain-glass window. And makes his back-swing.
(82) INT. GYM OFFICE – ( CONTINUOUS )
(82A) Heavy pounding and breaking sounds.
SOMEBODY The ceiling’s caving in!
SOMEBODY This is it!
JAYE Shut up! This can't be it?!? Oh, Gawd! Who am I suppose to be?!!
CYLE "Asks God who I'm suppose to be, to suddenly hear the sounds of angels laughing and placing their bets".
(82B) Debris falling. Couples hold each other. Jaye’s eyes are as big as saucers and Cyle is plain calm. For an instant they embrace, but Jaye STOPS HERSELF from going into kissing him. The destruction gets LOUDER.
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JAYE I just-, I want-, I-I-I...
CYLE See you on the other side, Sis?
JAYE Go to hell.
(82C) Jaye leans into a full kiss. When the break their expressions are perplexed.
(82D) CUE MUSIC: “Let’s get it on” BY Marvin Gaye. They double-take to discover the rest of the adults have spontaneously brusted in making-out. Man-woman, woman-man, Sharon-Beth, doctor-nurse, angry man#1 - angry man#2. The electrocuted man (wrapped head to foot in bandage) has a Tickle-Me-Elmo vibrating his crotch. His eyes roll back into his head. The kids can only look-on with perplexing faces.
(82E) In the BACKGROUND the stained glass window explodes in a million pieces. A smoky silhouette of a fireman behind it.
EVERYONE AAAaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!
END OF ACT 3
TRANSITION: CUT TO COMMERCIAL BREAK.
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ACT 4
(83) EXT. HEALING TREE BLDG. – AMBULANCE - DAY
(83A) Background, firefighters are wrapping things up on-site. Folks and kids are still coming down the ladder. Sharon, in a foil blanket by an ambulance, appears to be in a state of shock. Jaye is closing a zipper on Sharon's purse before handing it to Sharon.
JAYE (to Sharon) I think they found your purse.
SHARON Ya. (inside an oxygen mask)
JAYE (after a beat) Back there, you weren’t really going to tranq. me in the ass in front of all those people?
SHARON Ya. (inside an oxygen mask)
JAYE Those needles, you bought ‘em yourself? And Dr. Ron authorized this?
SHARON Yes, for your own safety. Legally you’re only allowed to carry just two. And I'll say, very expensive.
JAYE (slowly) Really.
(83B) Befuddled Sharon can’t find the 2nd syringe in her purse. Because Jaye’s holding it (in front of her) with a “traitor” expression. Jaye drops it, crushes it, parsing an “asshole!” expression.
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(84) EXT. HEALING TREE BLDG. – ( CONTINUOUS )
(84A) Enter Darrin. DARRIN OMG Sweetheart, there you are!
JAYE & SHARON Dad!
DARRIN I cannot blame myself enough. I assume the full responsibility. (at the mess) Leaping Lordy!
JAYE Dad, the Arsonist said I wasn’t— You?
DARRIN I got your message you wanted to go home. But headlongingly got caught up in my game, it started to rain. I-I completely undermined your doctor's orders. "Priorities for smooth transition". Will you ever forgive me? (to firemen) What's the body count?
FIREFIGHTER Zero.
DARRIN Survivors?!
FIREFIGHTER (chuckles) A heroin is more like it.
DARRIN You must’ve mistaken for my other daughter - Sharon.
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DARRIN (CONT'D) (to Jaye) No offense Sweetheart.
JAYE (dangles bracelets) None taken.
DARRIN And that thing was themed with Jungle Bunnies.
FIREFIGHTER (holds charred toy) I think it was a Koala.
DARRIN Brave – is all I can say.
FIREFIGHTER #2 Smart move. We ordered 100 body-bags. Didn’t have to unzip a single one. How'd ya do it? (shakes Jaye's hand)
DARRIN What happened in there?
JAYE Um.
CYLE (approaches) I’m going to say it was fate. (winks at Jaye)
JAYE Excuse me.
(84B) Jaye pulls Cyle o.s. Firefighter bicker amongst selves.
FIREFIGHTER #3 OVER RADIO Who's the dumbass that called-in Code KFC?
DARRIN Code KFC?
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FIREFIGHTER #2 You're a doctor? Ever had a full day in the morgue?
(85) EXT. HEALING TREE BLDG. - ( CONTINUOUS )
(85A) Jaye and Cyle aside, walking.
JAYE You saved my life. That's twice. Thanks.
CYLE And you're surprising inoffensive. But, sorry. I’m taken.
JAYE Pffft, you kissed me.
CYLE (chuckles) That laughing sound inside your head Joan of Arc? That's God. Even he knows the answer to that one.
(85B) Cyle starts to walk away. Jaye hesitantly curtails for follow-ups.
JAYE Wait. Wait. What's to say it was Fate? After all that? Why the gym? Fate explain that.
CYLE Well.
O.S. MAN SHOUT Sarah!!
(85C) Commotion on the rescue ladder. A fireman pops his head out of that little steering wheelhouse at the end of the hook & ladder truck. One is climbing down with the Little Girl.
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FIREFIGHTER This is the last one.
FIREFIGHTER FATHER Sarah?! Sarah!?! Is that you?!
LITTLE GIRL Daddy! Daddy! I miss youuuuuuuu!
(85D) Cyle and Jaye look surprised that she actually talks.
JAYE & CYLE Skittles?!
FIREFIGHTER FATHER Oh, Mary mother and Joseph! My baby girl! Where did you— Oh, Lord it's a miracle! I prayed for you everyday...
FIREFIGHTER STFU. This is your kid? The one your ex-wife hid from you in the divorce?
FIREFIGHTER FATHER And may the bitch burn in hell for not telling me so.
FIREFIGHTER (congratulatory) What are the odds? (to Little Girl) Hey you look older.
LITTLE GIRL Not old. You're old. I'm five.
FIREFIGHTER FATHER (bawling, proud) C’mon. Let’s go home. Let’s go and be a family.
CYLE Ah. Well. There you go. Beautiful.
Wonderfalls “Hanging Koala” 2x03 06/06/2006 (edit-outs in red ) 114/ 115
(85E) Cyle pats Jaye on the shoulder and takes off.
JAYE Who the hell are you?!
(85F) Enter a Staffer (previously Angry Black Woman).
STAFFER That's Cyle. Everyone knows Cyle.
(86) SERIES OF SHOTS:
FWD time to midnight. Scenic. Niagara Falls.
(87) INT. THE BARREL – CLIFFHANGER - MIDNIGHT
(87A) Mahandra is totaling paperwork at the bar. A knock at the door.
MAHANDRA (to Helper) Tell ‘em we’re closed – comeback tomorrow.
(87B) A man’s voice outside. He slides a paper under the door. Helper brings it to Mahandra.
HELPER EMPLOYEE He says he’s your 12:00am interview? From Quebec?
MAHANDRA Damn these Canadian lumberjacks. Ugh.
HELPER EMPLOYEE Here’s his résumé.
MAHANDRA (after a beat) Go. Go! Go unlock the gun!!!
(87C) CAMERA POV: Stay on Mahandra opening the front door.
Wonderfalls “Hanging Koala” 2x03 06/06/2006 (edit-outs in red ) 115/ 115
MAHANDRA What the hell is this?! I told you if I EVER saw your face again— You have 90 seconds before my waiter comes back and GATS YOU! What the hell do you want this time?! (looks at résumé in hand) Oh my gawd.
(87D) CAMERA POV: Reveal person at the front door.
ERIC I’m desperate.
TRANSITION: CUT TO BLACK
END OF ACT 4
END OF SHOW