THE HAMILTON SPECTATOR l THE SPEC.COM SATURDAY, JUNE 14, 2014 A15

I’m thrilled to be here and I’m really eager to get on with it. PREMIER KATHLEEN WYNNE COMMENT At Queen’s Park the morning after her majority election victory.

The things my No parade, but Pride is there father said … Events celebrating LGBTQ people have been going on all week BRIEFLY Folksy humour and favourite rade, and festival with a beer tent, drag shows and a Short and excerpted sayings sound in my memory display of local organizations showing support for comments sent to LGBTQ people on the third Saturday of June. But [email protected] then funding ran out, people lost energy after oper- ational tension and the co-ordinating body was gone. Ontario stays with So for each of the past three years or so, various ‘the devil it knew’ collections of people and organizations have come I am distressed that the DEIRDRE PIKE together to determine activities for Hamilton Pride. electorate of Ontario This year is one of the most robust schedules of would give a majority events I’ve ever seen. With dynamic cochairs, Poe government to a party Happy Pride Hamilton! What do you mean you Liberato from The Well, and Paul Hawkins, presi- LOUISE-ANN CARAVAGGIO that, for 11years, has didn’t know it was the most wonderful time of the dent of Prime Timers Hamilton, Hamilton has had been mired in issues of year again? Don we now our gay apparel! a week of Pride like no other and all on a budget of misstatement, mis- As Father’s Day is upon us, it is a time of reflection Ever since the Stonewall Riots that started on zero dollars! management and for me. It is a happy day for my husband, however, June 28, 1969, LGBTQ people (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexu- We’ve had more than 40 events representing out-and-out waste of for me missing my Dad, it is veiled in sadness. Al- al, Transgender, and Queer) have been taking their some of the unique communities within the taxpayers’ hard- though my late dad, Roger, would be the first to say politics and their parties to the streets in June to LGBTQ community; A Queer Disabilities Work- earned money, for, as get past it, be happy and move on, this particular mark that first famous night in New York when shop; an LGBTQ swim at the YWCA particularly Kathleen Wynne holiday stirs up old feelings and vivid memories. drag queens and other trans and queer folk stood responding to trans people; a Pride board game called it, “a political My father was a wonderful husband, Dad and Pa- up to the police who were regularly arresting pa- night; a Positive Parenting session for LGBTQ par- decision.” pa. Being an only child, I had a close, loving rela- trons at the reputed “gay bar” and said, “We’re not ents; a Queer People of Colour and Newcomers’ Faced with a choice tionship with him and he certainly helped form my going to take it!” Dinner; and many more opportunities for music, that offered nothing of outlook on life. It has been five years since we lost In Canada, just the day before that first night of dancing and performing. real substance, the this remarkable man. protests in Greenwich Village, the Supreme Court Many organizations marked Hamilton Pride electorate avoided the Dad arrived in Canada in 1956 via ship from Italy took sodomy off the books as a criminalized act. outside the official schedule. Hamilton Health Sci- closet liberal Andrea and loved this country. He was a child during the The times, they were a changin’ and even though ences raised the rainbow flag at five of its six loca- Horwath, rebuked a Second World War and saw and remembered many there was no Twitter back then, I’m sure the mes- tions. (The Juravinski site doesn’t have a flagpole flawed Conservative things, some of which he could never speak of. My sage and energy from Canada’s groundbreaking act yet but by next year they should be 6 for 6!) Interval program put forward father was outgoing, positive even under the most was known and felt on the streets outside Stone- House had a staff session of Positive Space training by Tim Hudak, and trying circumstances and possessed a great sense walls that night, characterizing the beginning of complete with rainbow streamers that entangled stuck with the “devil it of humour. He was very hard working. Dad be- what became popularly known as “the gay rights me, and Mohawk College held numerous educa- knew.” It will remain to lieved in God and attended Canadian Martyrs movement.” tional sessions for staff and students on a variety of be seen if Wynne’s Church in Hamilton regularly for 50 years. He was So here we are more than 40 years later and Pride topics. rhetoric on sound always ready to lend a helping hand and was gener- is celebrated in cities, towns and rural communi- And yet, I still fielded questions from people fiscal action, transpar- ous with his time and talents. Dad was a strict Ital- ties, by individuals and organizations, around the wanting to know when the “real Pride” is — the ent governance and ian father, however, he had a warm and generous world. Next week in Toronto is World Pride, nine march and beer tent. I used to think the same way “honesty” are mere heart. As I go through life, memories of the little days of celebrating LGBTQ people from around the and, the fact is, I’d love to have another Pride Pa- words or fact. things that he used to say pop up in my mind. These globe. (Except Ugandan queers to whom Canada is rade in Hamilton. However, the reality is these are Oh well, it is only four sage gems continue to make me smile. refusing entry because they might apply for refugee the two most intensive parts of a Pride festival re- years until we can do Dad’s old sayings included the well-known “you status. Imagine! But that’s another column.) quiring finances and worker bees. While we may this again. Maybe can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” So with all that other commotion you might have have the people power, we need some funding to- something in a dismal He knew that he could win friends and influence missed the fact that Hamilton Pride has been on all ward these efforts. political landscape will people simply by being a nice guy. To this day fami- week already! Let me catch you up a bit. Have a look at hamiltonpride.ca for information change by then. Some- ly, friends and neighbours still speak of him fondly A few years ago, Hamilton Pride Festival Inc., about how to enjoy the last few events of this year’s thing to wish for! and call and send cards on the anniversary date of was a not-for-profit group that co-ordinated the lo- Hamilton Pride like the Queer Slow Dance tonight DAN WELSH, his passing on May 3. cal festival, usually starting with a flag raising at or the Queer Cabaret tomorrow! But if you want to MOUNT HOPE “Never spit in the air” is certainly an interesting City Hall and culminating with a rally, march/pa- help rejuvenate a Hamilton Pride Parade, please saying that my Dad used to make an important start saving and planning now. point. How’s that for vivid imagery? He meant that Spec’s front page if one were to do or say something bad, it would am- missed election story ply return to the sender. This saying made me think This year is one of the most Deirdre Pike is a freelance columnist and loves a parade! Frankly, I am appalled about the results of my actions. robust schedules of events I’ve Wish her a Happy Pride at [email protected] by your Friday front When it was raining, but the sun was shining, or @deirdrepike on Twitter. page. Dad would say that “the devil was combing his ever seen. Kathleen Wynne de- hair.” When the sun shines through a rain shower, I feated a mean-spirited, still think of my father. This remains a symbol for mathematically inept me of happiness coming through tears of sadness. campaign, led by the As I stepped outside Canadian Martyrs Church joyless Tim Hudak. Yet this past May 3, after a Mass in which Dad was re- It’s a privilege to be a father we find the loser fea- membered, I looked up and smiled as there was a tured on your front shower with the sun shining above me. We live in a painful time when men are suffering an identity crisis page and are forced to Dad used to say that “to catch a bird, you must wade through two put salt on its tail.” A formidable task indeed. This more pictures of him While my wife’s profession anchors our home fi- hopeful action kept me as a little girl running and go all the way back nancially — a dynamic that’s feasible for more fami- around the back yard for hours with a salt shaker to page 10 for a picture lies these days — I’ve been able to leave the Charlie chasing various non-compliant birds. of the winner. To my Grayness of cultural expectations, that fog that says “Pick up your feet” my father said to me whenev- mind this is not giving male accomplishment can only be measured in a er I would shuffle my feet. It would drive him crazy. credit where it is due. certain way. He tried to make me walk tall and proudly. To this KEITH MOODY, I’ve adjusted my definition of success so I can day, when someone walks past me and shuffles BINBROOK identify myself without embarrassment as a dad along noisily, I find myself thinking the same THOMAS FROESE thoughts as my Dad. Go figure. who works from home and with the children. When Dad really didn’t want to do something, he No, the “Do I ‘work’ or be with the kids?” ques- A satanic used to say “you go ahead and I’ll catch up to you.” The sad truth is that the world is full of Charlie Gray tion is no longer just for women. As another male election result NOT. I learned the result of that one fast. sort of people who have listened to all the wrong author put it: “My books are popular now. In 20 I have to assume that Dad was a huge Disney fan. He loved the car- voices and spent entire swaths of the only life they years, I don’t know if anyone will remember them. the majority of Ontari- toons and movies. He laughed so hard at the char- have doing things that haven’t mattered to them in But I know I’ll have a relationship with my kids in ans are too lazy to vote, acters and their crazy capers. Mom was so embar- the least, and, in the grand scheme of things, have 20 years.” have the memory of a rassed at the movie theatres when he would let out mattered little to others also. That’s not to say that having a business card that goldfish, are too forgiv- his loud, funny and infectious laugh. He made the They’re people like those in John Marquand’s says “The Daily Dad” doesn’t have some unusual- ing or are so afraid of other moviegoers laugh, too. He also did hysterical novel Point of No Return, where Charlie Gray, after ness, if not humour. change that they ad- impressions of Donald Duck and Bugs Bunny. Dad years of apple-polishing, is finally named vice- Even so, it’s a privilege to be a father, and to em- here to the adage of loved the Pinocchio story and probably in part for president of that fancy little New York bank, the brace fatherhood even more as a vocation, to point “better the devil you the Italian theme. He always said “if you tell a lie, promotion that finally gives him and his family the to the sky and show the children great and marvel- know.” Hail Satan. your nose will grow.” I totally believed this old say- security they need. lous things, to take them to the beach of life and, to- BRUCE MCMICKING, ing as a kid and often checked myself in the mirror. You get the feeling, though, that what Charlie re- gether with their mom, say, “This is how much DUNDAS All this was just not worth the benefits of lying. ally needed was to give his life to something where you’re each loved, as much as these grains of sand “Learn to cook and you’ll never starve” was an- he’d be more fulfilled and alive, where he could then on the seashore.” be his family’s support in another way, through This is the truth of it, says Buechner, that we must other of Dad’s favourite sayings. No truer words Too bad NDP lost simply himself. Man, after all, cannot live on salary be careful with our lives because we only get one. were ever spoken. Dad loved to cook and instilled in minority sway me the joy of preparing and enjoying Italian cui- and status alone. The world can’t live it for us. Our decisions are ours sine. He made awesome homemade pasta and These thoughts, from writer Frederick Buechn- only. We don’t need to tell each other this. But, then, I have often thought meatballs, polenta, risotto, soups and cream-filled er, are so very worthwhile and especially now, this maybe some days we do. Because the temptation is that the most powerful cakes. Dad worked in an Italian bakery back home Father’s Day, in this strange and painful time when to think we have all the time in the world, when, in position for the NDP is in northern Italy when he was young. He also in- so many fathers are everywhere but with their chil- fact, nobody does. to nip at the heels of a stilled a love of cooking in his granddaughters. dren, a time when plenty of men, apparently, are al- He’s right. Liberal government “I will never forget my own” was an old hymn lyr- so suffering a wholesale crisis in identity. One decision leads to the narrowing of another to and nudge it toward ic my Dad loved. He missed his family in Italy even My own thoughts on being a dad started when I another. And then, yes, there often is a point of no greater people ac- though he made a happy home in Canada. This lyr- was just three, according to my own father, when return with certain things, important things, like countability. It is too ic moved him deeply. When I still hear it, the words I’d occasionally announce, “When I grow up, I relationships with our children. bad that the NDP has remind me just how important family was, is and want to be a farmer and a father.” But farming nev- My aging father largely raised two kids as a single lost that role ... at least will always be. That hymn played at his funeral. er came within a country mile and even after I mar- dad after he, unheard of at that time, literally for the time being. Even though my Dad is no longer with us physi- ried, well into my 30s, fatherhood was not a station I crossed the Atlantic to win custody of us. He wryly RENATE MANTHEI, cally, his sayings and wisdom remain ever powerful pursued with any impassioned energy. put it to me this way, recently: “We’re all getting old- HAMILTON in my memory. Every now and again, when a spe- Like most men, I found myself wired more as an er. But you don’t know yet what it means to live in cific situation presents itself, his influence is still achiever, an accumulator of accomplishments, a your pine-box years.” with me. For a moment, I don’t miss him quite so professional writer immersed, in my case, in the Yes, time is short for anyone. And the children much. vocation of news gathering. Children? I suppose. wait and wonder. And, too often, hurt. Happy Father’s Day in heaven, Dad, as I too “will As long as the little Lilliputians don’t rope down my never forget my own.” other goals. Thomas Froese is a husband and father who writes But now well into family-life with three remark- about family life at www.dailydad.net. Father’s Day Louise-Ann (Pretto) Caravaggio is a busy wife, mother, able children, something has happened. Some- Sunday, at 9 and 11a.m., he speaks about fatherhood and daughter, employee, volunteer and writer from Dundas. thing has changed. forgiveness at Knox Presbyterian Church, Waterdown.

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