A Journey Chronicling Memories of Grief and Loss

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A Journey Chronicling Memories of Grief and Loss † Designated as an Exemplary Final Project for 2017-18 A Journey Chronicling Memories of Grief and Loss Maryanne Shanahan Margaret Sartor Center for Documentary Studies April 2018 This project was submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts in the Graduate Liberal Studies Program in the Graduate School of Duke University. Copyright by Maryanne Shanahan 2018 ii Abstract Storytelling is a natural and necessary human behavior. Stories connect us to our past, our present, and, most importantly, to each other. They tease our imaginations and stir our emotions. Certain stories are gifts to those who listen. Such is the case with those gifted to me on this journey exploring the grief and loss of motherless daughters. Inspired by a photograph of my grandmother, the story of her death after childbirth, and my own mother’s lifetime sadness over having lost her mother when she was very young, I conducted audio interviews with women in similar situations. I interviewed women, like myself, whose mothers lost their mothers. I also interviewed women who themselves were left motherless at a young age. In this paper, these separate stories are connected within the overarching story of my personal journey to find, listen to, and document them. I also include my own reflections on grief and loss in the context of the story of my mother and grandmother. Within the stories, I have interspersed treasured photographs and written memorabilia. I conclude the paper with a description and analysis of my process: the preparatory research, the training in audio interviewing and documentary, my approach to the interview process (including the failures, successes, and surprises along the way), and my conclusions about what I learned and accomplished as I pursued and completed the project. A twenty-minute audio documentary titled Conversations: Mothers and Mother Loss accompanies this written work. In the documentary, culled from sixteen hours of audio interviews, the nine women who lost their mothers at early ages or whose mothers lost their mothers at early ages grant us intimate connection with their stories through their voices. iii Contents Abstract ............................................................................................................................... iii Preface .................................................................................................................................. 6 Introduction .......................................................................................................................... 8 The Journey Begins: Marianna and Caroline......................................................................... 11 Cathy Shanahan and Peg Shanahan, Lowell MA............................................................................. 12 The Journey Continues—Daughters of Motherless Daughters ............................................... 24 Sherry Kersteiner Cobb, Union, ME ............................................................................................... 24 Audrey Wagner Deadmon, Burlington, NC .................................................................................... 29 The Journey Continues—Motherless Daughters ................................................................... 32 Gail MacKenzie Michalak, Voorheesville, NY ................................................................................. 32 Linda Daniel, Durham, NC ............................................................................................................. 35 Kari Myers Cooper, Greensboro, NC .............................................................................................. 39 Susan Guill Smith, Concord, NC ..................................................................................................... 43 Lori Smith Stephens, Concord, NC ................................................................................................. 48 Conversations about Mothers—“Outtakes” ......................................................................... 52 Fear of Loss in the Next Generation .............................................................................................. 52 Walks on the “Wild Side”.............................................................................................................. 53 Needing Mother during Her Illness ............................................................................................... 54 Values .......................................................................................................................................... 55 An Interview Abandoned: My Friend Anne ........................................................................... 56 Thinking about the Journey ................................................................................................. 60 Interviewees, Ages at Interview, Locations, Dates ................................................................ 74 Daughters of Motherless Daughters .............................................................................................. 74 Motherless Daughters .................................................................................................................. 74 Interview Abandoned ................................................................................................................... 74 Bibliography ........................................................................................................................ 75 iv Acknowledgments To the women who willingly shared your stories, your pain, your joy, and your accomplishments, I am overwhelmed by your generosity of spirit. To Bill Amidon, my husband and best friend, who—from the first inkling in January 2015 of my interest in attending the Duke University Graduate Liberal Studies (GLS) program to the last keystroke on this document—has been my unwavering cheerleader and champion, literally and figuratively traveling thousands of miles with me on the journey: You are my hero! To Donna Zapf: My sincere thanks for your warmth, encouragement, and friendship. You inspire and motivate and I appreciate your dedication to each of us and to GLS. To Dink Suddaby: Thank you for your constancy, cheerfulness, and at-the-ready support; you never say, “I cannot.” To Kent Wicker: Thank you for permitting me to analyze a documentary film for my final in the core course, which put me on a path I otherwise might not have taken. To Melissa Malouf: Thank you for being on my exam committee with Donna, Margaret Sartor, and Kent. I regret not having been able to take one of your courses. To all my professors during this fulfilling time of exploration and study, thank you for your enthusiasm for your own work which inspired excitement and enthusiasm in me: Edward Tiryakian, Martin Eisner, Margaret Sartor, Lisa McCarty, Gregson Davis, Fritz Meyer, Nathaniel Mackey, and John Biewen as well as Simone Keith, Christina Cooke, and Marc Maximov at Duke’s Center for Documentary Studies. To my student colleagues and friends: I will miss you—a diverse, talented, inspiring group of people. Thank you for adding so much to my experience. And, not last nor least, to my faculty supervisor, Margaret Sartor: From the first moment I stepped into the 2016 class, Photography in Context, I have admired the light you shine on everything around you, and I appreciate the light you shine on my work. To say I am grateful that you are my faculty advisor barely scratches the surface. Thank you for the honor. v Preface “God made man because He loves stories.”1 Elie Wiesel Storytelling is an abiding interest of mine. As a nurse, I long have known that storytelling can be therapeutic and often have said, especially while counseling others to have empathy for someone, that everyone has a story. This is not an original concept but it is one that has played out every day in my life, in every encounter since I was a nursing student—yes, everyone has a story. Moreover, people need to tell their stories, and stories need to be told. We tell stories, we listen to stories, and we retell stories— within families, with long-time friends, with new friends and acquaintances. These stories connect us to our past, to our present, and perhaps often give us a glimpse of our future. They connect us to others with similar stories. Stories encourage, inspire, incite, provoke, excite, educate, entertain, and they tease our imaginations. They give information, provide context, convey a message, teach a lesson, provide comfort, and relate emotions— perhaps all at the same time on occasion. We love stories about ourselves and about our heroes, real and imagined. From cave wall paintings and hieroglyphics to the parables of Jesus, to the bedtime stories parents create in their imaginations, to those told around the campfire while toasting marshmallows, to the family favorites told and retold, “storytelling is a fundamental human instinct.”2 Yet family stories often get lost as previous generations die out unless those left behind continue to tell them, passing them on through the oral tradition. Memory books and photo books preserve history for visual reconnaissance but often speculation is necessary about the full story if accompanying oral histories have been lost or suppressed. Diaries and journals or private memoirs may help to flesh out the history though are less likely than photographs to exist in most families. And the next generations simply may not be interested. Children
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