A superhuman fight for stem cell research The death of Christopher Reeve brings a controversial issue back into the limelight Page 11

No. 605 The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Friday October 22, 2004 GU chief Harrassment case MEP faces the brings debate to Bowtell sack Chine Mbubaegbu

Union, UKIP and CUWRFC embroiled he THE GRADUATE Union is in fur- ther crisis after the proposal of a vote in row over ‘very serious’allegations of no confidence in Ribu Tharakan, the GU President, was presented by a James Dacre Talking to Varsity before his Union group of graduate students who have debate last night, he said that ‘If she goes been involved in the running of the GODFREY BLOOM yesterday much further, her days here are num- GU over the past year. revealed that he was planning legal bered. She has been very foolish and is David Riley, a member of the GU

action in response to Robinson under- very young. She has been used by the t Mockel-von-dem-Bussc Executive last year and the current graduate Rebecca Bowtell’s allegations tabloid press and politicians who will r webmaster, has written a document, lbe of sexual harassment. ‘I shall be a com- drop her like a hot potato; she is in over A which calls for the sacking of the cur- plete, total 18 Carat bastard,’ he threat- her head and her whole future is at stake rent President due to “administrative ened: ‘This young lady is going to have here, including her time at university. incompetence.” Riley called the cur- to learn a sharp lesson.’ This is very, very serious.’ rent situation at the GU “farcical” and Rebecca Bowtell’s accusations of sex- The Cambridge Women’s Rugby said that he was forced to put forward ual harassment against UKIP MEP Club have issued a press statement, this vote of no confidence after the sit- Godfrey Bloom have caused much con- signed unanimously, distancing them- uation at the GU deteriorated over the troversy throughout the University. Her selves ‘from the claims of Miss Rebecca summer. The final straw for Riley dispute with the Yorkshire and North Bowtell,’ and emphasising that ‘Mr came when the GU failed to have any Lincolnshire MEP has caused divisions Bloom behaved impeccably for the events, activities or presence in between The Women’s Union, CUSU, duration of the trip and offered great Freshers’ Week. This he puts down to CUWRFC and the Cambridge Union. hospitality.’ This has greatly concerned the failures of the President. Riley told Both Bloom and Bowtell have been CUSU President Wes Streeting, who Varsity that since the GU is more accused of lying about the allegations of retorted that ‘some things that are simply dependent on one person than CUSU sexual harassment. indefensible have been defended here.’ is since there is only one sabbatical The club receives around £3,000 a year post, there was no alternative but to from Bloom. E-mails circulating on the present a proposal for a vote of no con- Club’s mailing list have vented serious, fidence in Tharakan. While maintain- apparently irrational anger towards ing that the proposal is “nothing per- Bowtell following a letter that she sent sonal,” Riley has described Mr. to the Club apologising for forcing them Tharakan as ‘incompetent’ and ‘not into the public eye. It seems that the easy to work with.’ general feeling amongst players is that Tharakan defended his actions, ‘Bloom’s support is essential and we however, and accused Mr. Riley of don’t want to jeopardise that.’ having ‘a conflict of interests.’ David The official UKIP press release on the Riley had in fact originally decided to matter states in bold type that Bowtell ‘is run for President of the GU back in a member of an obscure Christian fun- Controversial MEP Godfrey Bloom talking to Varsity last night April, but later changed his mind. He damentalist sect with political ambi- claims he does not regret this decision. tions.’ Bowtell is a member of the main- Bowtell had sat next to him at any point achieved notoriety for saying that Riley says that it is ‘not a one-man stream City Life Church. Initially during the meal. women should stay at home to ‘clean vendetta’ and has the backing of vari- Bloom denied involvement or knowl- The Cambridge Women’s Union behind the fridge.’ Recent allegations ous past members of the GU edge of this press release, but when condemned Rachel Shaw’s comments, have called into question whether Executive including former President, Bowtell is standing by her story pushed, conceded: ‘We were trying to resolving by seventeen votes to one to CUWRFC should have ever accepted Sarah Airey. She had agreed to be co- The controversy began when a letter look for a motivation as to why she denounce Bloom in support of Bowtell Bloom’s invitation to Brussels. Costing opted onto the Executive to provide of complaint from Bowtell to the should tell these lies. We were wonder- and to lobby for the cancellation of his the tax payer around £3500, this two-day help, but later resigned due to ‘an President of the European Parliament, ing whether they came from some sort invitation to the Union on Thursday. all-expenses-paid trip was bound to inability to work effectively on a com- Josep Borrell, was leaked to a number of of religious belief or something.’ Bloom appeared unconcerned by this, establish a relationship between the club mittee with the President.’ The two national newspapers. Bowtell wrote that Rachel Shaw, the Director of Rugby saying that ‘I think that it’s patronising and the UKIP. All politicians present at clashed over the issues of governance at a dinner in Brussels three weeks ago for CUWRFC, a passionate UKIP sup- and ridiculous in the 21st century for the supper in question were UKIP requirements of the GU and initiatives she had ‘witnessed Mr Bloom sexually porter and a close friend of Bloom’s since Cambridge to have a Women’s Union.’ members, and UKIP paraphenalia was a of Airey’s which had continued into harassing a number of women and mak- 1993, fiercely accused Bowtell of lying Bloom denies remembering ever hav- prominent featurre. The Rugby Club Tharakan’s term. The former President ing a constant stream of sexist and and emphasised that she was in no way ing met Bowtell. Describing her as ‘seri- were treated by Bloom to a £1500 meal admitted that she was concerned about misogynistic remarks.’ The dinner, host- associated with the club: ‘This girl is not ously foolish,’ he is reported to have dis- at the exclusive Belga Queen restaurant. the current running of the GU, but ed by Bloom, was attended by members a member of the Rugby Club and none missed her as ‘obviously one of these Bloom told Varsity: ‘I have been... sympathised with Tharakan, saying of CUWRFC as well as members of of us had even heard of her before the girls from a school where they let in peo- “Ribu does have a hard job. There’s a York University as part of a two day tour trip.’ She told the Cambridge Evening ple with C grades.’ - Continued on page 4 lot to do.Too much for one person.” of the European Parliament organised News that ‘Godfrey has the hugest Bloom sits on a women’s rights com- - Editorial: Page 9 by Bloom. respect for women,’ and denied that mittee in the European Parliament, and - Who do you believe? Page 6 - Continued on page 4

“I AM DEVELOPING A CURIOUS SORT OF TWITCH” PAGE 7 MAGNETIC MASTERMIND MERRITT PAGE 16 2 NEWS October 22, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk News in Brief Vaccine freeze saves lives Firefighter jobs to go No Pressure

Firefighter job cuts are being seriously Laura Whittle Charlotte Forbes considered in Cambridgeshire to save he money. The move would result in 24 A CAMBRIDGE company has devel- CAMBRIDGE SCIENTISTS are job losses, which is 10% of the county’s oped a new technique for the storage a step closer to understanding a frontline force. It is estimated that such and transportation of vaccines which blood pressure condition responsible cuts will save £622,000. The authori- could save the lives of millions of chil- for thousands of stillbirths every ties have made it clear large-scale dren across the world.The revolutionary year. redundancies are not on the agenda technology developed by Cambridge Pre-eclampsia, which affects 5-8% and that the majority of these jobs will Biostability, which is situated on of pregnancies, causes a woman’s Mockel-von-dem-Bussc

go through ‘natural wastage’, for exam- Huntingdon Road, does away with the rt blood pressure to rise sharply and

ple by not replacing retiring firefight- previous need to refrigerate vaccines in a lbe puts the health of both mother and ers. Cambridgeshire Fire Brigades process known as the ‘cold chain’ to pro- A child at risk. Until now there has Union is planning to fight the job cuts. tect them against extreme temperatures. been no evidence to demonstrate the Rumina Hassam The cost of the ‘cold chain’ was high; possible causes of this. However, a vaccine programmes throughout the recent study led by Dr. Ashley Presenting Dr Rhys Jones world have been forced to spend up to Moffett from the Department of £112 million annually to keep perish- Pathology has shown that there may Griff Rhys Jones, comedian and able vaccines refrigerated. Another be a genetic reason for this disorder. Cambridge University graduate, has problem came from contamination and pletely stabilised until they come back be served. The firm’s five years of In a study of 400 pregnant received an honorary degree from accidental exposure to extreme tempera- into contact with water. This happens research have now led to the manufac- women, half of whom had pre- Anglia Polytechnic University. Mr tures. It is believed that up to half of all when the vaccines are put into humans, turing of a five in one vaccine for diph- eclampsia, it was found that the Rhys Jones studied English at vaccines have been wasted in this way in where they are released from the glass theria, tetanus, pertussis, hib and hepati- wrong chemical signals may be being Emmanuel in the 1970s. He was pre- recent years. by the body’s water. tis B by Panacea Biotec in Delhi, India. sent between mother and child, sented with an honorary Doctor of John Lloyd, associate director of the The technology has the potential to Professor Jennie Blackwell, causing a rise in blood pressure. Letters degree for his contribution to Children’s Vaccine Programme has said protect up to ten million more children University Chair of the Cambridge At present there is no known cure television and film comedy, the theatre that the development of a process that in remote and impoverished parts of the Institute for Medical Research, told for the condition other than deliver- and for his work in the field of nation- cancels out the dependence on the ‘cold world. It is estimated that up to two mil- Varsity that “If it is truly novel, then it ing the baby, which is a risky proce- al heritage. chain’ has been the “Holy Grail” of vac- lion children die from vaccine-preventa- will have a great impact in the Third dure in itself. Lucy Phillips cine technology. The biotechnology ble illnesses each year; a number that is World.” She is clearly not alone in her More research needs to be con- firm has adapted the process of anhy- partly sustained by the problems in enthusiasm, for yesterday it was ducted before a definite link can be Science au naturale drobiosis, which is employed by certain keeping vaccines refrigerated all the way announced by Hilary Benn, the proven, but it may become possible animals and plants that live in extreme- to the recipient. The adaptations to International Development Secretary, to screen for pre-eclampsia before Cambridge academics are promising ly dry and hot areas of the world. Their anhydrobiosis mastered by Cambridge that Cambridge Biostability will either mother or baby suffers harm. to literally “strip down science” in a energy is stored in a particular type of Biostability will not only provide a solu- receive almost £1 million over three It is also suspected that the condition new radio series, ‘Naked Scientists’. In sugar which eventually becomes a solid tion to this but will also ensure that those years to help with the development of may be inherited, thus increasing the full view of a webcam, the team will as temperatures rise. The molecules in living in some of the most remote parts the first vaccine to be produced using chances for pre-eclampsia to run in host a section of the show named the solid, known as a glass, are com- of the world will no longer be the last to anhydrobiosis. families. ‘Challenge the Audience’, in which presenters will be asked a scientific question by callers. If they answer incorrectly, they will have to remove an item of clothing. This could ultimately Plans for new housing in Cambridge cause upset result in the show being presented in the nude, giving a whole new meaning to the term “natural scientists”. Clinical lecturer Dr. Chris Smith said that their mission is to “help peo- ple enjoy science as much as we do”. iona Symmington

He emphasised to both students and F academics that he is continually look- ing for new talent and material for the show, although nudity is optional. Past guests have included Richard Dawkins and James Watson. “Naked Scientists” is broadcast every Sunday at 6pm across BBC local radio stations in East Anglia. Natasha Anders developed on undeveloped green field “Currently only 12% of housing in non. A lot of students stay on in Lucy Phillips land. This has sparked concern from this area is classified as ‘affordable’ but Cambridge.” Guided Bus Scheme environmentalists who fear for the our new target will be 40%.” He added, “Cambridge is a dynamic THE DEPUTY Prime Minister’s region’s wildlife and air quality. “A public examination into the plans area. We link employment, jobs and An inquiry into Cambridgeshire plans to build nearly 50,000 homes in The plans have also been criticised by came to the conclusion that Cambridge enterprises back to the University.” County Council's proposed guided the East of England have been backed those worried about the effects on water should remain a compact city and that Colin Shaw, Environment and busway between Cambridge and in their initial stages. Mr Prescott availability, flooding, traffic congestion this expansion will bring Cambridge to Transport Labour spokesman, admitted Huntingdon gathered momentum this hopes to provide thousands of low cost and the pressure put upon local author- its limit. The Eastern region has been that he “gets a bit worried about density week, as opposing sides clashed over homes for key workers and help cut ities to provide schools, health care and designated by the Government as a in this region” but said that the the utility of the scheme and the alter- regional house prices. employment. ‘growth area’ and we have plans for the Government was committed to solving native possibility of a rail link. However, the Conservatives have The proposals include building a new next 20 years but after this it is in the the housing crisis. “The plans will take Jeremy Thorne, the Council's expert condemned the plans as “a blitz of town called Northstowe at hands of the next generation.” 17 years, there are bound to be other witness on railways, endorsed the England’s countryside” and many Longstanton, the expansion of market The Governmant has stated that in governments in this time. Probably the busway plan, while deeming rival plans other local groups of residents, envi- towns such as Ely and Huntington and order to ease the traffic congestion cre- north has lots of houses to spare but this for a railway as "not viable", costing ronmentalists and officials have development on the southern fringe of ated by the extra population, the “pref- is a well-off area for jobs.” £119m, yet being of no use as a strate- expressed their concern. Cambridge and at Arbury and ered option” would be the guided bus He referred to the plans as “a bit pie gic freight link. The controversial plans to build Chesterton. There is also a proposal for scheme. Mr Vigors agreed that “The in the sky” and confessed that he If the £88m scheme goes ahead, a 478,000 houses has been supported by major development at Cambridge guided bus will be a vital artery”. thought it would change the ethos of road bordered by high concrete kerbs the East of England Regional Assembly Airport, which would be relocated. Buses will run from Huntington to the area. Mr Shaw was particularly con- will be constructed along the disused (EERA) although their planning panel There are reports that Cambridgeshire Trumpington Park and Ride, stopping cerned about the village Fen Ditton, railway line between Cambridge and have rejected the Government’s request County Council would need up to £2 at St Ives, the new town Northstowe, which under the current plans would St. Ives and modified buses will run for an additional 18,000 houses to be billion from the government to solve Cambridge Science Park, Cambridge become swamped by houses extending along the 25 mile route. It is hoped built in the London – Stansted – infrastructure problems alongside the railway station and Addenbrookes. The out from Cambridge. that this will reduce commuter traffic Cambridge – Peterborough corridor. development. aim is to create a reliable, frequent form Mr Shaw said “There is a chance that along the congested A14. It has also emerged that South Mark Vigor, head of strategic plan- of transport that will not have to con- [the ethos of ] Cambridge University However, CAST.IRON, a group Cambridgeshire will have to absorb ning for Cambridgeshire County tend with traffic on the busy and often will be spoilt but how else will they cope in favour of re-opening the rail link, more of the houses than any other Council, said that he recognised the congested A14. The guide way would with increasing numbers of students? claimed that the information used to council in the region. The scheme pro- national need for housing and empha- also provide for cyclists, pedestrians and, The University itself is building new gain support for the busway was out poses 89,300 new homes in sised that “the plan is ultimately at certain stages, horse riders. accommodation and facilities and these of date. Cambridgeshire by 2021, with 23,500 approved by the Government”. Mr Vigors added, “As far as the must be linked with public transport.” The Council is formally obliged to earmarked for the south of the region. “Our strategy is to increase the University is concerned ,plans for “This is an important area to the hold an inquiry into the matter, which It is planned that about 60% of the amount of open space available by pro- expansion in North West Cambridge country, an intellectual, technological is set to continue until early December. new development will take place on viding new country parks and improv- have been agreed. The quality of provi- powerhouse. However, despite the Noirin McFadden ‘brown field’ sites that are already used ing biodiversity. There are proposals to sions and technology mean that it will increasing population and infrastructure for industry or housing. The rest will be contribute to Wicken Fen.” also be a part of the growth phenome- there have to be severe limits”. NEWS www.varsity.co.uk October 22, 2004 3 Calendar girls show their true colours

Ospreys’ Calendar hopes to raise profile of women’s sport he

Chine Mbubaegbu girls in the calendar are members. and the Boat Race being shown on Lucy Phillips Olivia Sanderson, President of the national television. Ospreys, said that it was inevitable She said: “We’re working so that on-Dem-Bussc

that men’s sport would be more pop- people are more interested in women’s l-V SUNDAY EVENING saw the ular but added: “It would be great if sport and want to know what’s going launch of The Ospreys’ 2005 calen- women’s sport in Cambridge had a on. Doing high-profile things like this t Mocke dar, called ‘Cambridge University better profile to make people more will make it easier for women’s teams r

Sportswomen,’ at the Michaelhouse aware of women’s achievements in to attract sponsorship.” lbe Café, Trinity Street. sport - both team sport and individ- The launch of the calendar high- A Indigo Photographic created the ual events.” lights the difficulty faced by women’s

calendar, which features tasteful shots ys sports teams in Cambridge. The lit- of some of the University’s most e tle money that there is in sport at the promising female athletes. Miss University forces teams to look for December, Sarah Pobereski, who has corporate sponsorship. Whilst this is modelled for Olympic advertisements The Ospr easier for the male sports that have in Athens, described the calendar as higher profiles due to TV coverage, ‘sexy and sporty.’ the women are finding it increasing- The Ospreys are ‘an organisation ly difficult. dedicated to encouraging, supporting The calendar costs £7.95 and a and uniting high-flying female ath- pound from each sale will be donated letes from the University of to Sport Relief, a charity set up by Cambridge in the pursuit of sporting Comic Relief and BBC Sport to ‘use excellence’ and is open to any female the passion of sport to tackle poverty who has a Blue, half-Blue or second and disadvantage, both in the UK and team colours in a full-Blue sport. Not the world’s poorest countries.’ They all of the women featured on the cal- will be available in porters’ lodges and endar are Ospreys, however. a few local shops around town. They Claire Foister, Publications Officer can also be ordered from the website at for the Ospreys, said that this is part of www.cambridgecalendar.co.uk. the problem that needs to be When asked whether there were any addressed. All of the females on the Anna McDonnell of Churchill college plans for a male calendar, Dan Barry, calendar have played University sport The calendar is part of an attempt to President of the Hawks club , replied: and are therefore eligible to be raise the profile of the Ospreys and “We had talked about a tasteful Ospreys. The relatively low profile women’s sport in Cambridge in gener- Hawks nude calendar, but there were that the Ospreys have compared to al. Foister highlighted the prominence embarrassing issues about fencers hav- their male counterparts, the Hawks, is of men’s sport at the University, espe- ing smaller blades than rowers.” one of the reasons why not all of the cially with the Varsity rugby matches - Editorial: page 11 Views from the launch party at the Michaelhouse Cafe, Trinity Street 4 NEWS October 22, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

News in Brief Reds under the bed: King’s

Leverhulme Trust Dr. David Lane, Senior Research student defies bar makeover Assistant at the Faculty of Social

and Political Sciences and former he such a way that defaces public proper- fellow of Emmanuel College, has ty. Students may like to ask them- been awarded a £45,000 grant from selves whether they would have the Leverhulme Trust. Such grants objected to a swastika engraved on are awarded in order to provide the wall, or “BNP” scrawled on a

financial support for innovative and on-Dem-Bussc table.” original research. Some King’s students feel disillu- l-V Focussing on Ukraine and sioned however, arguing that the Russia, Dr Lane’s research will Student Union is simply complying analyse the abrupt disintegration of t Mocke with the administration’s perceived r

the state socialist societies and their lbe new conservative rule rather than consequent transformation. Dr. A fighting back and representing Kings’ Lane will evaluate class as a phe- student body. nomenon which may be a catalyst Already notorious for his virulent for radical change, and try to estab- “open letters” to the College, Tim lish why, despite extreme social Moreton wrote to KCSU: “The col- divisions, social inertia has been lege pisses on you — on all of us — prominent in these countries. and you seem happy to take it. They Dr Lane, Senior Research know the hammer and sickle is sym- Associate at the Faculty of Social bolic of student ownership of the bar and Political Sciences, said: “Much space and they specifically intend to has been written about the end of quell this by painting over it. And class in Eastern Europe and the for- now you support them.” mer Soviet Union, but little empiri- Sarah Marsh King’s College Graduate Society offi- space for other members of College.” Yet the college has reached some cal work has been conducted to cially condemned this alongside other Benjamin Williamson, a first-year form of compromise by putting up a substantialise or refute these asser- THE CONTROVERSY over Kings’ recent acts of vandalism in the bar: student at King’s, defended this modestly framed hammer and sickle tions.” He hopes that the new study new bar continued last week when a “We want to make clear that, whatev- stance: “It should not be allowed, in a in the place of the former spray- will introduce a new dimension to student drew a hammer and sickle on er personal tastes regarding the new relatively tolerant society such as painted communist flag, as suggested the study of current transitions. the wall in ketchup. bar may be, we take a dim view of any King’s, for an individual to express his by last year’s Joint Representative Francis Peel, Communications King’s College Student Union and actions that make it a less appealing political, religious, or other views in Simon Maybin. Officer at the Leverhulme Trust, stated that the criterion for selec- tion to receive an award is “the quality of the intended research”, Union’s Middle East debate sparks controversy taking into account “the originality of the work, the significance of the Emma Sharples Friedman and the resignation of one Correspondent and Salma Ayyoub, a ing is that all sides of an argument are work for future activity in the Union College Secretary. Palestinian activist. aired.” He said the fact that the Union’s immediate subject are and the sig- AN ELECTRIC atmosphere circulat- In proposition stood Shahpur On the day of the debate, Israel’s own Senior Officer spoke in opposition nificance of the work for other sub- ed round the Cambridge Union cham- Kabraji, former President of the activities in Gaza were on the front was proof that the motion does not ject area”. Proposals should repre- ber last Thursday as members gathered Union, Gavin Stollar, Liberal pages of most of the national press. always represent the views of the Union. sent a refreshing departure from the for the controversial Middle East Democrat PPC and former aid to On the angry reaction to the motion, The stance of Pakistani Shahpur Kabraji individual’s working pattern and debate. This year’s proposition, ‘This Charles Kennedy and Zvi Rav Ner, Friedman commented, ‘It is bizarre that on the proposition side was also said to transcend traditional disciplinary House Believes the Palestinians are the Israeli Minister Plenipotentiary. On people feel that by putting a motion for- ‘[give] the debate a degree of originality boundaries. greatest stumbling block on the road to the opposition bench sat Jaffar Khan, ward the Union believes it to be true…a and make it less entrenched.’ Annalisa Todsedvin Middle East peace’, prompted abusive Union Senior Officer, Tim Llewellyn, motion is merely the starting point for a The motion was defeated by a messages aimed at President Bobby former BBC Middle East discussion. The whole nature of debat- majority of 168, with 45 abstentions. CUR out on top MEP in harrassment allegations Cambridge University Radio Confidence vote at GU (CUR1350) has received a record - Continued from front page question refers not to the touching of her number of nominations for the 2004 associated with Cambridge University ‘arse,’ but her leg. - Continued from front page a very trying position through Student Radio Awards. for over twelve years as a sponsor.’ Bloom Although denying that she was in any requesting that he carry out tasks for The Awards were instigated nine insisted on the team wearing their way politically motivated in exposing ...The document contains detailed which he has had no training.” years ago by the Student Radio Cambridge rugby shirts for a photocall. Bloom, Bowtell agrees that she was ‘eth- criticisms of Mr. Tharakan’s han- This time last year, a similar vote Association to encourage and pro- Wes Streeting warned CUWRFC that ically motivated,’ and that she wants to dling of his role as President. of no confidence motion was passed mote student radio, with the spon- they should ‘think very carefully about work against a sexist society that permits Problems highlighted in the docu- by the GU Executive when H. sorship of BBC Radio One and the receiving money and associating them- the ‘thousands of similar experiences that ment include criticisms of Christian Kim, the General Radio Academy. CUR1350, the selves with prominent figures in a politi- other women have.’ Bloom insists that Tharakan’s engagement with the GU Secretary at the time, was suspended radio station serving both the stu- cal party, especially one of this kind.’ his comments were in the context of ‘a student body, problems in terms of from his post. Some members of the dents of the University of Cambridge Bloom’s PA said ‘he probably did private and informal meal; my personal teamwork and communication, GU have highlighted the fact that and of APU, received eight nomina- make the comments,’ and he did concede treat to my personal guests; a rugby club direct conflict with mandated this motion may have been passed tions, more than any other UK stu- that ‘half the misogynist comments are outing amongst friends.’ actions, lack of leadership and vision illegally. The GU constitution states dent radio station. The nominations probably true, I don’t remember.’ Bloom Bowtell told Varsity how Bloom spent for the union, and a general lack of that, “If a motion of no confidence in received range widely, from best sta- joked in the Union about misogyny. much of the evening making lewd and organisation. a member of the Executive is passed tion sound to best technical achieve- Yet Bowtell did not leave. She had misogynistic comments, including Mr. Tharakan, however, told by Council, s/he shall be deemed to ment. already had a cocktail and three glasses of describing his colleague Silvia Tidy as Varsity of his concerns that he was have resigned, subject to the follow- Alice McGowan, a student at wine before any of the alleged incidents ‘the most delicious bimbette: absolutely not being treated fairly and did not ing provisions; ...the quorum for King’s College and co-host of the took place. A tearful phonecall to her thick, but good tits.’Yet Bowtell conced- have the full support and sympathy such a motion shall be twenty-one in radio show “Simple things”, told boyfriend and notes recorded on a ed that long before any of Bloom’s sexist of the ‘old guard’ of the GU, saying favour with at least twice as many in Varsity “it would be fantastic if this mobile phone later that evening acted to behaviour, she had tried to argue with that he had been “pushed in several favour as against.” Minutes from the success motivated more people to record the events that Bowtell accused him over matters that she knew him to directions” by certain GU members. meeting, however, show that there tune in to CUR1350 and get Bloom of three weeks later. hold controversial views over, such as the He claimed that the progress made were not enough voting members involved”. Bowtell maintains ‘the way that he employability of pregnant women. She in the state of the GU’s affairs by last present at the meeting for the pro- CUR1350 is one of the few stu- touched my leg was easy for me to inter- also admitted to Varsity that in calling year’s Executive took a long time. He posal to be passed. This further dent stations in Britain to be entirely pret as a sexual gesture.’ When asked her ‘fiesty’ and ‘passionate,’ he was actual- has only been in the post for 4 highlights problems with the way in self-supporting, receiving no funding about the event, Bloom responded: ‘You ly referring to her political agenda. months and feels that he deserves a which the GU is run and the gener- from either CUSU or APUSU. Now know that I didn’t even sit next to her?’ Yesterday Bloom informed Varsity that second chance to show that he is al feelings of distrust between mem- in its silver anniversary year, it broad- When told that Varsity had witness state- he had employed a lawyer ‘at vast competent and can take the GU for- bers of the Executive. casts 24 hours a day from the studios ments confirming he did, his response expense,’ demanding a retraction of the ward. A former member of the GU The proposal of a vote of no con- in Churchill College on 1350MW or changed to: ‘I didn’t consistently, over a allegations and an apology. When asked Executive, in a letter to the President fidence in Ribu Tharakan, presented online at www.cur1350.co.uk. long period of time, sit next to her.’ if he was threatening Bowtell, he replied: last month, spoke of “the President by David Riley will be discussed by The Student Radio Awards will be Bowtell also claims that another mem- ‘I am not in the habit of making threats: being pushed to a state of extreme MCR Presidents and Graduate presented on the November 19 in ber of the club recounted to her how I am telling you what will happen.’ emotional distress while at work, due Faculty Representatives at a Council London by Steve Lamacq and Jo ‘Godfrey has touched my arse a couple of Botell, who is a member of the Union, to the pressure he feels put under by meeting next Thursday. Whiley from Radio 1. times.’ But confusion remains here, for attended the debate and said that Bloom his own Executive. My perception is Sarah Marsh an e-mail sent by Bowtell to the girl in had ‘really shot himself in the foot.’ that the Executive have put Ribu in Chine Mbubaegbu NEWS www.varsity.co.uk October 22, 2004 5 Uni hits back Rowdy RAG pyjama party takes to the streets iona Symington at pay criticism F Sarah Marsh has already been budgeted for from University funds.” Last week, the Cambridge Association of FIERCE CRITICISM of the new University Teachers (AUT) had pay and grading structure in argued that the proposed system Cambridge has provoked the only guaranteed current levels of University Senior Management to salary for four years. defend its proposals and reassure The University has been criticised anxious staff. for failing to take into account the In the wake of last week’s highly- suggestions of trade unions and charged debate at Senate House, the other representative bodies whilst University moved to voice its side of elaborating the proposals for a new the story. Last week’s meeting had pay and grading structure. Dr Sylvia heard a number of vehement speech- Martinelli, Vice-President of the es opposing the new scheme. But AUT, last week argued that “the Professor Andrew Cliff, Pro-Vice- information transfer between the Chancellor for Personnel, responded Personnel Division and the trade to fears of pay cuts and a devaluation unions is very one-way with little of junior and non-academic academ- notice being taken of our input”. ic roles by telling Varsity that “It is But Professor Cliff disputed this, not the intention of the General claiming that the University admin- Board or Council that anyone will be istration was extremely attentive to worse off as a result of the imple- staff concerns and had actually mentation of a new pay and grading extended the “consultation period” structure.” He is confident that “all for individuals to respond to the pro- staff should benefit from their trans- posals from the end of October to fer to a single pay spine by about one November 12. Cliff maintained that to one-and-a-half-percent increase these responses would be “discussed in their salaries. Moreover, approxi- with the trade unions and institu- mately 75% of the expected £4M tions in order to elaborate the pro- recurrent cost to the University will posals”. A second report on the pay go to support staff; about half of this reforms incorporating the modified RAG’s annual pyjama pub crawl was hailed as a “huge success” by the commitee and a record number of pub goers. 650 stu- recurrent £4M will come from proposals will be presented before dents took part with all proceeds from the tickets, priced at £4 each, going towards RAG’s student-nominated charities. HEFCE funds and the remainder the Senate House at a later date. First prize was awarded to the Fitzwilliam Ball Commitee, who made their way round the 14 pubs in just 15 minutes. 6 NEWS October 22, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk The UKIP MEP and the CUWRFC freebie and not forgetting CUSUWU. But who’s telling the truth? Varsity offers three conflicting opinions

“We along with the members of GODFREY BLOOM’S claim that CUWRUFC would like to distance he Rebecca Bowtell has ‘concocted’ a story ourselves from the claims of Miss of sexual harassment and ‘is following a Rebecca Bowtell and thoroughly political agenda’ is simply the most believe Mr. Bloom behaved impeccably appalling act of hypocrisy. Even to pro- for the duration of the trip and offered pose that Bowtell was present as some great hospitality. We, jointly with the on-Dem-Bussc kind of political mole, abusing Bloom’s CUWRFC players who went felt that l-V hospitality in order to promote a radical it was a wonderful experience, not only feminist agenda, is absurd. However to to learn about the EU parliament and suggest that Bloom’s decision to invite a t Mocke to see Brussels, but also to enjoy the r group of female students to Brussels was company of Mr. Bloom at a private lbe politically motivated, does not require A function in the evening. It was also fas- such a leap of the imagination. cinating to gain insight into, and to Bloom’s actions were not just hypo- have been involved in, a critical; they were a terrible abuse of press conference whilst on the visit. We power. Individuals may find Mr. Bloom would publicly like to thank Mr. to be charming and generous, his pen- Bloom and all other members of UKIP chant for politically incorrect banter involved for all their hospitality and harmless fun. While I would question great generosity”. their judgement (unless they enjoy statement by Sarah Stewart, publicity cleaning behind fridges or being referred officer of the CUWRUFC Bloom (right) with Alex Wright (left) and former Tory mayoral candidate Stephen Norriss (centre) at the union last night to as ‘bimbettes’) I recognize they may also believe claims of sexual harassment TO THOSE who make a habit of stunts to express are repugnant, allowed themselves to become a actions. CUWRFC, on the other a gross exaggeration, and symptom of reading broadsheets, Mr Bloom’s outdated and offensive. Bloom’s publicity stunt for Bloom’s twisted hand, have sold their souls to over-sensitive feminist sensibilities. Yet misogynist outbursts have become behaviour has been a constant sexist agenda, and all for the lure of UKIP, and should take a long the fact that the Women’s University a regular occurrence. Perhaps this source of outrage in the liberal some shiny new Euros. This, more hard look at themselves, espe- Rugby Team deny Bowtell’s claims irrational, illogical behaviour press. He’s like a child with than Bloom’s behaviour, is a source cially in light of this week’s alle- (which is regretful and telling in itself) stems from the fact that Bloom is a Attention Deficit Disorder, stand- of shame for this university, where gations. There’s no such thing as does not change the reality that they are political non-entity, still basking in ing in the corner of the classroom chasing the cash has become more money for nothing: surely they being exploited: whether it is willingly, the reflected glow of Kilroy’s screaming “look at me!” important even than chasing good have an economist in the team or unwittingly so. Bloom’s generous perma-tan. Whatever the reason- What is perhaps most disap- grades. who could have told them that. patronage seems simply to good to be ing behind Godfrey Bloom’s con- pointing about this whole story, Godfrey Bloom is a misguid- true; and it is. stant, egotistical attention seeking, and what should not be forgotten, ed, misogynist fool, and he will Mark Ferguson is Robinson col- Gemma Edgcombe is New Hall col- the views which he uses these is the behaviour of CUWRFC, who get his comeuppance for his lege men’s officer lege women’s officer A levels out, diplomas in in support for the new system and 46% Lucy Phillips opposed. The rest were still undecided. Professor Melveena McKendrick, CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY Pro-Vice Chancellor with responsi- has given initial backing to a radical bility for Education, released a state- plan to reform the education system. ment on behalf of the University, The Tomlinson Report, released on “We very much welcome today’s Monday 18 October, calls for the [Monday’s] proposals and believe abolition of both GCSE’s and A-lev- they present constructive, well- els in favour of a new four-tier diplo- thought out solutions to the chal- ma system. lenges currently facing 14 to 19 edu- In what has been described as the cation.” most radical shake-up of education “We are particularly pleased by the for 50 years, the proposals would Working Group’s proposal to intro- almost entirely scrap externally duce more intellectually challenging marked, end of year tests for 16 year elements to advanced level 14-19 olds but toughen up sixth-form education, which will stretch high- exams to include harder questions ability students and better prepare allowing pupils to attain a new A++ them for university. grade. The diploma would also “In principle, we would welcome incorporate an extended project and A+ and A++ grades at A-level, but we critical thinking skills. would much prefer them to be award- There is speculation from many ed for exceptional performance in the that the system will take a minimum later, more challenging A2 modules, of ten years to be introduced with full rather than simply for achieving good trial of the diploma beginning in marks in every module.” 2009-10. He said that the University had Mike Tomlinson, former chief long believed that the current A- inspector of schools, has said that level system could be improved upon the present system has too many and that they also welcome the pro- “weaknesses” to survive, but his posals “to develop breadth within views have clashed with David programmes through appropriate Miliband, the Schools Minister. complementary learning, so that Miliband has insisted that the terms learners acquire a continuum of GCSE and A-level must be kept in knowledge and skills.” any form of education for 14 to 19 Professor McKendrick said that year olds, casting doubts over the proposals would provide all whether the Government will imple- young people with the education and ment the scheme. skills they need provided they are The Conservatives and represen- resourced properly. tatives of the CBI have said that an “It would be totally unacceptable overhaul of the exam system was to create a situation in which diplo- unnecessary and some schools have ma performance was dependent on expressed the view that the scheme is the resources available at a student’s too complicated. school or college, rather than his/her However, the latest poll by The ability and efforts.” She urged the National College for School Government to bear this in mind as Leadership, in which 705 headteachers it prepares its much anticipated gave their opinion, shows that 48% are response to Tomlinson’s report. www.varsity.co.uk October 22, 2004 OPINION 7

“ Conceptions of good Guevara’s myth taste must not cloud our judgement The romantic imagery of ” this revolutionary hero Ellen E stops us seeing the truth Jones

Magic, eh? Ghosts, goblins and wiz- Che Guevara was an erratic, fanatical ards. Do they really exist? “No” would brute who credited primacy to one, soli- be the glib answer of the cynic, but I Jon tary value: an obedient, unquestioning intend to do more than simply glide willingness to die for the cause. Anyone along the surface of this ancient mys- not sharing this conviction was no friend. tery. Blithely casting aside that ‘science’ Swaine Under Guevara’s guidance, the dogmatic, stuff, for a moment, let’s take a look at hard Soviet cabal was triumphant, domi- the cold, hard facts: nated by this cold-blooded slaughterer leida Guevara chose this and his maxim of ‘revolutionaries must Don’t let your distaste for week’s European Social become cold killing-machines motivated Forum in London to deliver a by pure hate’. Killing thousands of ‘ene- man-made fabrics stand heartfelt and apparently mies of the revolution’ without trial, he between you and a Apressing plea. In what can only have proudly boasted that he had no time for healthy relationship resulted in cold sweats and sleepless judicial evidence, declaring it an ‘unnec- nights for Camden market traders, essary, archaic bourgeois detail’. with the paranormal Trustafarian anarcho-bores and Rage He tore men (approximately 2,500 by Against the Machine fans alike, Dr. his own count) found to have govern- Hard Fact #1) Derren Brown is Guevara appealed to ‘the world’s capital- mental links - starting at the top but ridiculously sexy. This is a self-evident .net ists’ to halt the commodification of her quickly regardless of status - from their e fact which cannot be denied, regardless heroic father’s iconic visage, ubiquitous screaming wives and children in mid- of sexual orientation, or one’s opinion on posters and clothing the world over. night raids. Pre-power, he had robbed imag on goatees. If he says magic exists, then While Seb and Tarquin coughed up £10 banks to finance operations; when a boy Gael Garcia Bernal played Guevara in Walter Salles’ The Motorcycle Diaries it probably does. for Che sweat-bands at the Cuban stand in his forces stole food, Guevara ordered Hard Fact #2) We must not allow before taking in a lecture on how him shot. He personally signed death such tragic-ironic, blood-stained folly. Perhaps the ultimate irony to Aleida’s our conceptions of good taste to cloud McDonalds and Shell killed Princess warrants for men he knew to be innocent In this cynical, ceaselessly knowledge- comments this week is that, by many our judgement. It might be true that Diana, the daughter of the revolutionary and honourable, ensuring his office in La thirsty age, the appeal of bashful naivety accounts, her father was never even one magic is no longer a glamorous affair champion was imploring greater atten- Cabana had a clear view of the execu- is all-too understandable. Just ask my to shy from spin and self-promotion involving chic gothic castles, buxom tion to her father’s real achievements, tions. He then established Cuba’s notori- twin brothers, whose accidental acquisi- when he was alive. Reports of Che’s wenches and dashing vampires, but just rather than the prevailing facile, T-Shirt- ous labour camps, which would go on to tion of National-Front-affiliated tattoos heroics at the Battle of Santa Clara in because the woman who offers to tell based approach to his legend. imprison thousands of distinctly un-dan- (they liked the pictures) and double- 1959 were and, continue to be, staples of your fortune for a fiver, chews gum and One might have thought her time gerous dissenters, Jehovah’s witnesses, eared diamanté piercing experiment the valorous repertoire rolled out by his dresses like a prostitute doesn’t mean would be better spent redoubling efforts homosexuals and AIDS sufferers that (they like looking ridiculous) was, for me, admirers. ‘Guevara turned the tide in this she does not posses the divine gift of to maintain this horribly-misconstrued happened to ‘commit crimes against rev- this summer’s most poignant exponent of bloody battle, whipping a Batista force of prophesy. Just because séances now take perpetuation of myth. Now, I sobbed at olutionary morals’. the innocence of youthful liberty. 3,000 men!’ cried the morning papers. place on cable TV in front of a live stu- Walter Salles’ The Motorcycle Diaries as But, just as that excuse won’t wash And the reality? $100,000 in a dio audience and are presided over by unabashedly as the next man; the rich his is not to suggest that with my hapless mother, neither will it brown envelope delivered to the local convicted con-men, doesn’t exclude the aesthetic of the penniless idealist, freed Guevara’s is a record to match the do if pleaded by Salles. A disconnected General, a nod and a wink to local rags possibility that they are genuinely con- from academia’s constraints, truly discov- more regularly maligned dictators snapshot of an age prior to the afore- and overseas hacks and the fast-track tacting the dead. Just because the only T th ering himself amongst his people while and mass-murderers of the 20 mentioned horrors of Che’s later adult- to lionhearted stardom. ‘Don’t shoot! people who will still admit to believing all along coping with the precariousness Century. But the point is that these men hood is one thing; concluding the film I’m Che. I’m worth more to you alive in magic are stupid or slightly mad, of a beat-up bike and an uncontrollable are demonised, while Che gets his own with open-ended statements of subse- than dead!’ he cried at his eventual doesn’t mean supernatural occurrences libido – what could be more romantic? brand of bottled beer. For so many young quent revolutionary triumphs over Bolivian captors, before they rejected aren’t taking place all around us. Don’t But the truth is, Ernesto matured into people to cling to his likeness as a symbol affecting images of anonymous, earnest his advice. And there you have it; Che let your distaste for man-made fabrics someone very different; someone rather of glorious liberty, of freedom from ille- South American faces is quite another. Guevara: proto-spin doctor, casual and the people who wear them stand less admirable, the undying veneration of gitimate authority and even (gulp) of Salles has a responsibility to tell the murderer and hypocrite to the last. between you and a healthy relationship whom should come to an end. ‘peace’ would be laughable were it not whole truth. Take down the poster, Tarquin. with the paranormal. When ignorance of the natural environment The cult of Cambridge celebrity is simply a fantasy coincides with an atmosphere of this unnerving bit of physical grotes- The concept of Cambridge celebrity The trouble is, enough people believe query had reached my eyebrow, so wild- is utter bilge. There are no celebrities in that there is such a thing as Cambridge suspicion something ly did it arch at an article printed in Cambridge. If you are interested in celebrity to make it rather a damaging peculiar happens those pages. The piece in question drama, you will inevitably know the concept. Enough articles about the Archie lamented the sad fate of Cambridge names of a few actors you consider par- great and the good in the national press Hard Fact # 3) At certain moments celebrities, suggesting that these poor ticularly talented; if you are interested in make reference to various public figures in the human story, and in certain Bland deluded goldfish bowl superstars will poker, the name of the Cambridge halcyon days punting on the backs that places on the planet, when ignorance inevitably get their comeuppance when University Card Playing Society’s there’s a widespread fantasy, amongst of the natural environment coincides it’s time to enter that nebulous, fright- biggest hitter will probably be on your little cliques with common interests, with an atmosphere of suspicion ening thing, The Real World. radar. The thing is, in a community as that they will be the next Monty something peculiar happens. Magic ince becoming Varsity editor, I What I found really disconcerting diverse as this one, the chances of there Python, or conservative party cabinet, happens. Hasn’t history proved this have noticed three principle was the inclusion, in the list of celebri- being enough of a consensus as to which or, er, treacherous Russian spies. The time and time again? Look at all the changes in my lifestyle. I eat ties, of the (unnamed) Varsity editor. things matter and which people are consequence of this is an insidious kind witchcraft running rife in colonial considerably more pizza (pro- Now, in the Bland household, I am interestingly good at them are so small of complacency which makes people America or the well documented videdS by the excellent Domino’s in something of a local star, and my moth- as to make the idea of there being a think that simply being here and going plague of dragons which over-ran exchange for an ad); I do a lot more er, for instance, can be guaranteed to group which is bound to turn heads on through the motions of whatever it is medieval England. Furthermore, I darting into side streets to avoid slaver- know my name and take photographs of King’s Parade completely laughable. they’re interested in will make up for a put it to you that Cambridge circa ing supervisors; I spend more time than me in compromising positions (like So, too, is the assertion that there’s conspicuous lack of talent. autumn 2004 is just such a time and is healthy cooped up in a sweaty office naked in the bath aged four, or with some sort of clique of them (or, if I am The sooner we are collectively roused just such a place. The corridors are on Trumpington Street, surrounded by birthday cake smeared around my chops indeed on the cusp of superstardom, us) from this dream of significance, the bet- dark enough, the buildings old primordial hacks. Also, I am developing a few years later) at a moment’s notice; who tend to hang out together and gen- ter; in the meantime, if you see a slight- enough and the population usually a curious sort of twitch, which generally in general, though, my brushes with erally chew the fat (in La Raza) about ly dishevelled, twitching freak hiding in sozzled enough to make it an ideal resides in my eyelid but can occasional- fame have been limited to furtive how to deal with the paparazzi scum a back alley eating pizza, try to disabuse location for all sorts of spooky goings ly be observed spreading to my left glances at Heat whilst waiting to get a who wait outside our halls. In reality, yourself of the understandable fantasy on. In the light of such incontrovert- cheek and even my upper lip. haircut. No-one ever asks me for auto- sad to say, my friends are complete non- that he is one of the beautiful people. ible evidence only the foolhardy will Last week anyone watching me leaf- graphs. Which is a shame, because I entities, and not nearly good-looking Having said which, if you insist, I will forget to check under their beds for ing through TCS might have thought have a very graceful signature. enough to be properly famous. pose for photos for a reasonable fee. monsters this Halloween. 8 OPINION October 22, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

11-12 Trumpington Street Cambridge CB2 1QA 01223 353422

on-Dem-Bussche Editor Archie Bland [email protected]

Deputy Editor Amol Rajan [email protected] t Mockel-V

Online Editor Sam Richardson Alber [email protected]

Arts Editors Henry Bowen Oliver Tilley [email protected]

Photos Editors Fiona Symington Albert Mockel- Von-Dem-Bussche [email protected]

Chief News Editor James Dacre News Editors Charlotte Forbes Chine Mbubaegbu Sarah Marsh Lucy Phillips [email protected]

Features Editor Ross McElwain [email protected]

Science Editor Krystyna Larkham [email protected] “The Ospreys have hit on something revolutionary.” Interviews Editor Ronojoy Dam [email protected]

Travel Editor Michael Fordham [email protected]

Idler Editor Oliver Batham Beautiful detectives make [email protected] Theatre Editor Alice Harper [email protected] being murdered a thrill Music Editors Ned Beauman Jessica Holland CSI isn’t just great television: it’s a key index to American political life [email protected] Classical Editor Nicola Simpson ew of us would die for our judge politicians based on their [email protected] country, but most of us handling of crime. Surely this is a would die for our television. we play at CSI every political strategy in the making? Film Editors Agata Belcen Imagine you get a call from “ Ned In 2000, the year of the last pres- Lucy Styles FChannel Five. They want you to be time we obsess over idential elections, Buffy the Vampire [email protected] a contestant on a new reality show. Slayer was at the height of its popu- You’ll be murdered, live on air, by a the number of x’s in Beauman larity. If Gore had promised to Literature Editor Rachel Willcock randomly-selected friend or relative. divert FBI resources to fighting the [email protected] Then the cast of CSI: Crime Scene a text message undead menace, he would have won Investigation will be brought in to ” easily. Is Bush hammering on about Visual Arts Editor Sophie Priestley solve the case. Beautiful people will the War on Terror so much because [email protected] touch you all over. They will know he knows everyone watches 24? Of everything about you. They will 14s. Will suspicious children now be skills you would need to pin the the twenty highest-rated TV shows Fashion Editors Sally Jennings hold your lungs in their hands. No, able to perform paternity tests on crime on the caretaker from a pho- in America today, a full eight are Johanna Z-Sharp they will not wrinkle their noses at themselves? tograph of the blood splatter. So it detective shows. Endless politicians [email protected] the stench of your corpse, or of your In CSI the police treat the crime might be nice to be the detective. It have promised to put more police on bedroom; yes, they will pout with scene like a film crew treat an age- might even be nice to be the villain. the streets, but when was the last Sport Editor Adam Edelshain regret as they look at your family ing actress: they primp it with pow- But, oh, what bliss to be the victim. time anyone specifically promised [email protected] photos and think of a young life ders and tweezers and swabs, they To have all your life’s twists and more detectives and forensic scien- snatched away. All this in front of tiptoe around it and speak in snarls investigated, understood, and tists? Say that, and tens of millions Sub Editors Abi O’Reilly millions. Who could say no? hushed, respectful tones, readying summarised in a neat report, while of whodunnit-junkies will vote for John Howlett CSI, if somehow you haven’t seen the room for its close up. We all you have to do nothing but lie you. Does anyone know if Kerry Laura Whittle it, is a drama about a team of Las practise forensic science in our own around on a slab. reads this column? Vegas detectives who use forensic way, especially when it comes to In the light of all this, I should Production Managers Ifti Qurashi science to solve murders. Sort of romance. We play at CSI every time SI is changing the world. In like to make a plea to any potential David Wyatt hyper-Kojak. It’s the most popular the US, criminal lawyers murderers. Kill me, if you must. But TV series in the US. They’re bring- Ccomplain that jurors are don’t make it easy for the police. Business Manager Eve Williams ing out merchandise. You can get you’ll be murdered, often unwilling to find someone Don’t write your name on my wall [email protected] the CSI Facial Reconstruction Kit, “ guilty unless there’s fingerprint or in my blood. Don’t take my head ‘which allows the investigator to live on air, by a DNA evidence linking them to the home and put it in your fridge. Email the business manager to enquire deduce facial features from a vic- crime - which there always is on Don’t go around telling everyone about placing adverts. Letters for publication tim’s skull and identify the killer randomly-selected CSI, but rarely is in real life. ‘Beauman got exactly what he should be emailed or posted to the editor. from a series of clues’. (I anticipate Expectations about the powers of deserved, whoever did that to him is tears on Christmas morning. Little friend or relative the police are raised impossibly a noble pillar of the community, To get involved in a section, email the rel- Pete wants to play with his Facial ” high. Prosecutors often now ask prodigiously skilled with a butcher’s evant section editor listed above, and come along to a meeting. No experience necessary. Reconstruction Kit, but he can’t we obsess over the number of x’s in each prospective juror ‘Do you knife, and most likely a very charm- because Daddy forgot to get a skull a text message, or the relative posi- watch CSI?’ because they know it ing and attractive fellow’. Do your Varsity is published by Varsity Productions to go with it. Daddy is despatched tion on our girlfriend’s wall of the will affect deliberations. best to think of an alibi; and I Ltd, and printed by Cambridge Evening News. All copyright is the exclusive property to the snowy graveyard to dig some- photo of us and the photo of her ex- Moreover, research in America shouldn’t have to say this, but, for of Varsity Publications Ltd. No part of this one up.) You can also get the CSI boyfriend, or the worrying inclusion has shown that viewers of detective example, if you do English, don’t try publication is to be reproduced, stored in a Forensics Lab, which includes a of ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ on the dramas like CSI are twice as likely to claim to you were in the library. retrieval system or transmitted in any form or microscope and a fingerprinting kit, Valentine’s Day mix CD our to report crime as being the most Make it hard for the police. Please, by any means, without prior permission of the and the CSI DNA Laboratory. They boyfriend made us. important problem facing the make it so hard they have to bring publisher. are apparently all suitable for over- These are the same analytical nation. They’re also more likely to in the specialists. www.varsity.co.uk October 22, 2004 EDITORIAL 9

Letters [email protected]

Eating his shorts European Union's population is projected to Incompatible Truths CUSUWU remain stagnant at around 500 million people (unless it continues absorb more countries), The whole affair is a little surreal, from the outside. The first thing Dear Sir, Dear Sir/Madam, that of the United States is projected to dou- which strikes the disinterested observer is the impossibility of making ble in the next 50 years, primarily due to absolute distinctions between the different truths being offered by dif- Having read Jack Coleman's article, 'The Rhiannon Adam (Letters, October 15) immigration. ferent parties; the second thing is, almost no-one comes out with a Voice of Bart: Eat her shorts' with his rather seems to assume that to be pro-life you also This will give the West an equivalent great deal of credit. (Though that depends on who you listen to, of vicious opinions regarding Nancy have to be a male chauvinist pig. Abortion population to China and a long head start course.) Varsity has attempted to represent this confusion in a coher- Cartwright, I would like to show my sup- is not about telling us 'what to do with our economically. Thirdly, the dynamic consti- ent way, and to represent all sides of the argument; in the end, though, port for this rather controversial piece. I bodies', it's about ending a life. CUSUWU tutional democracies that can be found in we’re left scratching our heads. went to her show at the Edinburgh Fringe is supposed to represent all women in the the West are far superior systems for gover- The Cambridge University Women’s Rugby Football Club may this Summer and I have to say that Jack's university. Its stance over this issue com- nance than is the oppressive communist dic- have had an agenda, because it wants to continue to receive the £3000 comments are totally founded, it was sadly pletely undermines this aim. tatorship in China. a year which Bloom’s contributions represent. Rebecca Bowtell may rubbish. It is good to see that someone is This all means that China - not even close have had an agenda, because several voices have suggested that she not afraid to write his true feelings on the Yours Sincerely, to being democratic, and with an economy of intended to damage the politician’s reputation from the start. Godfrey performance. Eleanor Heans an equivalent size to that of Italy - has an Bloom may have an agenda, because he has a reputation as a politician Newnham College impossibly long way to travel if it is to over- to maintain, or at least attempt to repair, following his notorious com- Yours faithfully, take what Lucy Styles believes to be the ments about women cleaning behind the fridge. And the Union just 'backward-looking' United States, let alone wants to get as much attention as possible. Sarah Pace-Balzan Chinese whispers the combined power of the democratic world. An editorial on such a spider’s web of allegation and counter-allega- Downing College Her article's complimentary illustration of tion ought only concern itself with the facts. The following things, Hong Kong is perhaps the most insightful. then, seem undeniably true: Godfrey Bloom is, by most modern defi- Dear Sir, Underneath the caption reads: 'The skyscrap- nitions of the word, a misogynist. He has regularly and unembarrass- ers of Hong Kong, now part of China, are edly displayed an utterly anachronistic understanding of the relative Dear Sir, I read with fascination the analysis of your testament to the rapid modernisation of the roles of men and women. Also true is that he is an extremely unattrac- reporter, Lucy Styles, on modernisation in world's most populous country'. That would tive figure for a university society to be associated with, much less Jack Coleman’s vitriolic rant about the China (Features, October 15). Apparently, be news to most people in Hong Kong given sponsored by; particularly a society whose special constituency are so voice of Bart Simpson (Interviews, October China is set to become 'the biggest show- that the vast majority of these skyscrapers regularly belittled by the MEP. And it seems clear that, politically 15th) was painfully - nay, woefully - insen- piece for modernity in the world'. She notes, were built when the city was under British speaking, he has become a joke. sitive. It is quite fine to criticise a comedi- correctly, that the pace of economic develop- administration! All these things are clear. What is also clear is that any personal an, and better still to explain why that ment in the country is becoming increasing- antipathy towards the man ought not predispose us to assume that he comedian is not funny, if indeed that is the ly rapid and that several Chinese cities are Yours faithfully, is guilty. In the first place, it seems almost impossible at this stage to case. But Nancy Cartwright’s voice gives becoming ever more like the most advanced James Rogers reach any independently verifiable about who touched what when laughter to millions; Varsity would do well that can be found in the West. This, howev- Hughes Hall and for how long and in what spirit; more confusingly still, sexual to avoid criticising such fine comedy with er, does not mean that China is going to harassment is a notoriously subjective category of crime. One per- such a wet and angry brush. overtake the West. son’s informal tactility is another’s appalling invasion of personal There are three major reasons why the This week’s prize goes space. It is entirely possible, and indeed seems rather likely, that Yours faithfully, West will retain its global lead. Firstly, the to James Rogers, everyone involved believes they are telling the truth: the closer one economic power of the West is far, far beyond whose career in inter- looks at this strange story, the stranger, and harder to solve, it gets. Arianna Byro that of anything China can currently, or will Where’s Derrida when you need him? Fitzwilliam College be able to even in the distant future, muster. national diplomacy Secondly, it ignores the population growth seems assured. that is projected to occur in the United States Calendar Girls and the European Union. Although the The Ospreys have hit on something revolutionary. You’ll never guess. It’s a calendar. With undergraduate sportswomen in a variety of athletic poses, the most extraordinary of which is Miss January’s The debate over Access is missing the point contortionist overhead ankle grab, they certainly succeed in their prin- ciple goal – to attract much-needed attention. Granted, it may not be the most original fundraising endeavour you’ll ever read about, and That’s why it falls to us to set that record there are hipper examples to follow than that of the women’s institute; straight. To go to schools and tackle this but it looks great on the wall of the Varsity office. myths and misconceptions head on. If there’s something less than progressive about the women’s sports This term CUSU is launching it’s priori- With top-up fees on the We s societies raising money from scantily-clad girlie shots whilst the men “ ty Access campaign for the term, to “Find rake it in through corporate sponsorship, this can hardly be blamed on horizon it is hard to the Missing 3,000” identified by the Sutton the Ospreys themselves, who clearly have something of a mountain to Streeting Trust and encourage them to consider climb. At the moment, the highest profile sponsor of women’s sport believe that this situa- applying to Cambridge and other top uni- in Cambridge is probably Godfrey Bloom, which is richly ironic, to versities. We’re seeking volunteers from all President, CUSU say the least, and a little worrying. Much more worrying, though, in tion will not worsen backgrounds to join the campaign, to go out the long term, is the continued and inevitable bias in the mainstream ” into schools, to talk to the students we bring media towards men’s sports, partly because of their longstanding tra- here and to help us as we fight to dispel the ditions, and partly because watching women play sport is still, almost myth that Cambridge is for a certain “type”. unbelievably, not taken quite as seriously as watching men do the he Access debate that has been rag- worsen. We already know from research However, the University also has to raise same in the country as a whole. A similar effect can routinely be seen ing in the national press during the published by Universities UK that students its game, particularly after it lobbied so in the sports pages of Varsity and TCS, which are routinely balanced Tpast month has really pissed me off. from lower socio-economic backgrounds vehemently for a fees system that looks set in favour of men’s sports. This is certainly not the fault of sports sec- On one hand we hear that state-educated are the most debt averse. If they currently to exacerbate the Access problem. Now, tion editors past or present, many of whom have worked hard at pro- students with exceptional grades are being fail to apply to university because they fear more than ever, its existing efforts, which moting diversity; rather, it is the inevitable function of the imbalance turned down and on the other hand we hear a debt of around £12,000 it is hard to often go unrecognized by the media, need which is present in the University, and society, as a whole. that independently-educated students are believe that a prospective debt of around to be properly coordinated, directed and, When will this change? It is, depressingly, hard to say. CUSU’s being discriminated against to meet quotas most importantly, well funded. recent creation of a specific post of sports officer may help the differ- and targets. Give me a break. Does the University even have a widen- ent sporting societies access much needed university funds by offering Access is not about introducing a new “Access is not about ing participation strategy set down? No. a voice on the relevant committees, but the problems are much deep- bias against independent schools. During Are all of its interviewers compelled to er-rooted than mere internal financial allocation. The Varsity men’s the summer the Sutton Trust – an educa- introducing a new bias undergo training to assess potential and rugby match, for example, remains an excuse for a bunch of might- tional charity that works on raising aspira- ensure a consistent approach across the have-been ex-internationals to strut their stuff at Twickenham, rather tions – published a report which showed against independent board? No. than showcasing the talents of the legitimate undergraduate popula- that the chance of getting into a top 13 uni- schools Getting applicants to realize their poten- tion; and yet still interest is far higher, within the university as well as versity is approximately 25 times greater if ” tial and set aside their misconceptions about beyond it, than it is in the women’s equivalent. (The quality may be you come from an independent school than Cambridge is a significant challenge but is higher when most of the players are 33 year olds with twelve caps for if you come from a poorer social back- £25,000 upon graduation in 2009 won’t put one to which we must all rise. I have high Western Samoa, but it does rather kill the romance of the game if ground or have a postcode in a more them off. Then there is the perennial prob- hopes that the Vice-Chancellor will push almost no-one entering a university at the ordinary matriculation age deprived area. It also highlighted the extent lem of tackling the myths and misconcep- Access to the forefront of the agenda in can reasonably hope for a chance at making the first XV.) to which this disparity is due to applications tions about the University itself: that it’s time for 2006 entry. But I won’t be satisfied The principle reason for this is tradition, and tradition is, inevitably, - 3,000 state school students per year fail to only for rich kids with Mummies and until I see results. a self-perpetuating beast. It must be tough being a high-flying even apply top the top 13 universities in the Daddies with connections, that “it’s not for As for the press? Well, they may choose Osprey, especially when you see the attention heaped on your UK, even though they meet or exceed the me”. We may know these things aren’t true, to believe independent schools when they Hawkish counterparts: the more calendars they release and the more grade requirements. but this debate isn’t about us, it’s about the complain about bias in admissions. But publicity they can garner the better, but it is hard not to be pessimistic With top-up fees on the horizon it is ones who didn’t even make it to the appli- from where I’m sitting, they seem to be about their chances of properly redressing the balance. hard to believe that this situation will not cation stage. doing pretty well out of it.

www.varsity.co.uk October 22, 2004 SCIENCE 11 Reeve’s controversial legacy lives on Krystyna Larkham says the superhero’s death will reignite an important debate

he world of Stem Cell cures for spinal injuries and diseases

research really did lose a such as Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and .net e Superman last week when, MS. The foundation also set up

on Sunday October 10th, numerous laboratories in universities imag TChristopher Reeve died from heart across the US. failure. The actor, best known for his On August 9th 2001, President role as Lois Lane’s other half, was Bush put limitations on federal fund- paralysed when he was thrown from ing of embryonic stem cell research to his horse during an equestrian tourna- that of already existing cell lines; ment in 1995, fracturing the top two wanting to ‘advance a promising area vertebrae of his neck and damaging of research without promoting the his spinal cord. His determination to destruction of embryos that had the walk again led to tireless campaigning potential to develop into human life.’ for research into the treatment of neu- These regulations on research have ral injury, such as damage to the spinal resulted in a mass exodus of stem cell cord, in particular through the contro- scientists from the US to the UK. One versial use of stem cell technology. such scientist is Roger Pederson, orig- The profile of stem cells has risen so inally from California. He is the dramatically in the past five years that Director of Cambridge’s brand new it has become one of the main factors Centre for Stem Cell Biology and in the US Presidential race. Although Medicine, which is to form the basis adult stem cells have shown some of the Cambridge Stem Cell Institute, degree of plasticity, in that some can a large multi-disciplinary research be coaxed into becoming another type centre based within the university - of tissue, it is embryonic stem cells on the opening date of which is not yet which the majority of hopes for thera- finalised. He says ‘I think what is peutic treatment are pinned, and attractive is the stability in policy which have most politicised the here. Some say the US policy will debate. Bush is categorically against change after the US election, but that the use of embryonic stem cells in still leaves an embedded problem, the research, even having taken advice volatility of policy’. Britain has recent- from Pope John Paul II in Rome on ly stepped to the forefront of stem cell Reeve (right) with co-star Richard Prior in Superman 3. His career was cut short by a riding accident in 1995 the subject, whereas Kerry, a nominal research: in May, the world’s first stem Catholic, has taken the opposing cell bank was opened in stance. He, like Reeve, whom he quot- Hertfordshire, and the Newcastle ed as being a personal friend, supports Centre for Life applied for licensing the use of leftover embryos from IVF to research somatic cell nuclear trans- Time now for 2005: A Mars Odyssey for research into medical treatments. fer. The University of Cambridge When I was much younger I read a book gy. He also takes a swipe at the disor- Eight years since it was published and itself has demonstrated its support to about the history of space exploration, ganisation and narrow-mindedness five since I first read it, this book still the movement by donating £10M for written sometime in the mid ‘80s. It amongst both scientists and politi- makes a good read. This is no dry text- If the president the new centre. described how what started with little cians which he perceives have pre- book - it is an account of people who Reeve himself never reached his more than a bunch of guys playing with vented this from happening. passionately believe in human progress, comes down goal of walking again, although he did matches grew in a few decades to the His argument, in brief, is this: think that we need to explore in order to be develop some temperature sensitivity, reality of spaceflight, and I was hooked. of the small size of a space capsule free - first the planets, then the stars. It is against federal and a level of control over his fingers At the back of the book, there were compared to the massive rocket that also one of the few books that can pres- funding, a black and toes. He remained until the end descriptions of projects currently in launches it, which mostly consists of ent physics to the layman without either ever-optimistic for the future of stem progress, and timelines for their comple- fuel. Then, scale up this space capsule fudging the science or spoiling the story. market will cell research, and was a true ambassa- tion. I was disturbed to find not only did to be a big rocket itself, capable of tak- The calculations hold up, and it is nice to dor for the science. ‘I am delighted to our country apparently no longer have a ing off from Mars and returning to discover that rocket science really isn’t be created hear from Roger Pederson that the space programme, but that comparing Earth, and then imagine the sky- rocket science! medical Research Council will be pro- these timelines to reality, the plans of scraper sized juggernaut required to The Case for Mars seems now more In an interview with Reeve a month viding support for a Stem Cell other countries too were nowhere near launch it from Earth in the first place. relevant than ever. The asides on the before his death, he was pessimistic Research Centre in Cambridge, achievement. What had happened? Zubrin’s idea was to prepare the fuel American political system that seemed about the future of research if Bush bringing a world class team of scien- Could they not afford it? Was being an for the return trip on Mars itself, from far fetched in ‘96 now seem very real, the was re-elected. ‘A really tragic thing tists together under one roof. I believe astronaut not a possible career? These the atmosphere. This would be done by laws of nature haven’t changed, and we might happen in order to save the that research on embryonic stem cells fears lurked in my mind until a few years unmanned craft dispatched in advance. still haven’t been to Mars. However, I Catholic vote, if the president comes must be taken forward with the later, when I found The Case for Mars. An existing, normal sized rocket could think we are a lot closer. Where there’s a down against federal funding for the utmost urgency, as it is our greatest Here, space engineer Robert launch the mission from Earth at a frac- will, there’s a way. If you get there before embryonic stem cell research, there hope for curing conditions such as Zubrin sets out his big idea, that it tion of the expense, and the crew would me, send me a postcard. will be a black market created in the spinal cord injury, diabetes and would be possible for humans to have a safe, non flammable landing at face of that. And women literally will Parkinson’s disease that are beyond explore Mars quickly, safely and eco- the destination, plus the guarantee of a Dan Reynolds reviews ‘The Case be paid to donate eggs that will later the reach of current therapies. Stem nomically, and with existing technolo- return ticket. For Mars’ by Robert Zubrin be destroyed. And that is something cell research should lead to the kinds we would really not want to see’. With of medical advances that one day will the Christopher Reeve Paralysis be compared to the development of Foundation, he worked tirelessly to penicillin, the polio vaccine and the fund research into treatments and heart transplant’. Confessions of a caffeine junkie It’s illegal in parts of Northern Thailand; within the Muslim tradition. It was so sensitivity to the neurotransmitter. This hospitals and universities run on it, sacred that those caught drinking coffee results in a dramatic drop in blood pres- STEM CELLS: THE FACTS endurance athletes enhance their per- in Constantinople, home of the world’s sure, leading to the ‘give me coffee’ formance with it, and 300 years ago, it first coffee house, were beaten the first headache around half past three. • Stem cells are undifferentiated entiating in the lab for up to a year, a could be used as grounds for divorce. time, and if caught again, thrown into It’s not all bad though. A cup of cof- cells, which can divide into any kind of quality not shared by their adult coun- Only the oil industry has a greater vol- the river sewn in a leather bag to drown. fee a day makes you significantly less body tissue.There are two types of stem terparts, and which makes them so ume of worldwide trade. As I drain my The caffeine molecule itself mimics likely to top yourself, and it does won- cell: adult and embryonic. desirable for research. coffee cup a fourth time this evening and the shape of adenosine, a neurotransmit- ders for the sex life of the elderly. • Adult stem cells are semi-differen- • Stem cells are so unique because feel renewed strength running through ter involved in suppressing many cell Meanwhile, a tiny espresso taken with a tiated cells, which reside in the adult they can respond to growth factors my veins, I look back at the humble caf- pathways. It binds to adenosine receptor Gaulouises and a hefty dose of French body. They can produce tissue of differ- directing differentiation. Therefore if feine molecule, and what makes it so molecules in the synapse, allowing philosophy is almost certain to get you ent types, but which are usually related. placed within an adult body, they dear to our faster beating hearts. chemical pathways to continue unhin- laid in certain Cambridge circles, and For example, bone marrow tissue can respond to local signals to turn into The story goes that around 850BC, dered, hence caffeine’s stimulatory role. even the most rugby-oriented drinking differentiate into haematocytes and all that specialised tissue. Experiments an Ethiopian goat herder, Kaldi, noticed An overdose can be fatal, and even at society Land Economist won’t mistake the types of white blood cell found in performed on mouse embryos have his goats getting high on some pretty red ‘normal’ (student) consumption, caffeine the meaning behind ‘Do you fancy com- the blood. shown that lethal cardiac disorders can berries, and decided to give them a taste can result in reduced fine motor co-ordi- ing up for a coffee?’. So put the kettle on, • Embryonic stem cells make up the be repaired by the injection of stem himself. The craze soon spread, and nation, increased heart rate, insomnia, put your feet up, and give thanks to the developing embryo, and can also be cells, leading to the ‘designer baby’ before long coffee trees were being nervousness and dizziness. The blocking humble coffee bean, preamble of first found in blood extracted from the debate. Other research has included the grown on the Arabian peninsular. The of adenosine receptors causes the body dates and saviour of students. After all, umbilical cord. They have been found injection of stem cells into Parkinson’s drink soon took on religious connota- to manufacture extra ones to compen- Heroin is so passé. to replicate themselves without differ- patients, with varying success. tions, being used as a meditative drink sate, so a drop of caffeine causes over- Krystyna Larkham

14 HOTSPOTS October 22, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk From Washington to Kashmir: World on Fire Hostage crises are gripping our media. But should we be scared? Patrick Emerson investigates the reaction in Washington DC, USA aining access to a war-torn on this occasion on the basis of year-old country with an anxious information. The markets didn’t flinch interim government, lacking even though financial institutes were a credible mandate, is fre- being targeted; analysts openly admitted Gquently difficult. It definitely was for my that terrorists were perfectly capable of fellow altruistic British interns and I, as being flexible about targets anyway. The we parachuted into Washington DC to hike corresponded with the Democratic save the US legislature with our urgent- National Conference, from an adminis- ly needed office administration skills. tration which has been criticised by the Of course, we all know Yankistan can Supreme Court, Congress, and the 9/11 seem politically unhinged at times. Commission for being too reticent when However, a King’s College education in it comes to sharing intelligence. being socio-politically supercilious Yet most people still tolerated vast cor- notwithstanding, I was still shocked by dons sanitaires and queues around finan- just how obsessively security-driven DC cial buildings, adding to the already can be. robustly cordoned White House, Indicatively, following the hike in Congressional Buildings, and ministries. national security status to the ominous These buildings dominate the city cen- ‘amber’ while we were there, my fellow tre. The phenomenon of securitisation is British interns and I found our not really a phenomenon in DC; it is an innocuously located apartment block expected feature of the carefully crafted, had a permanent police envoy. Two faux-Roman urban landscape. When cops became a mundane part of our Dubya decides to take a walk outside the vista for the last two weeks, recumbent front of the White House, a fleet of below, with donuts and Starbucks in police cars and luxury coaches sit, with hand (honestly). their engines on, obscuring the already heavily guarded fence three hundred Half the city is metres away, while he and Spot gambol together and chase sticks. As my imme- being ripped up to diate superior (an aspiring Miss build new security Georgia) put it to me, and in stark con- trast to my sceptical British room-mate, Fortress White House? President Bush’s home has been the focus of the heightened security in the US Capital installations “Isn’t it nice we feel safe?” I’m not going to drag out Orwell here, that they would be “going home to get the like, I do not believe we should America and make the world more The germane point is that a lot of but in DC ‘safe’ seemed often at least to the form if it don’t turn up”, while an pass damning judgement on this state dangerous” (in Bush’s words). Does the more conservatively-minded mean being overwhelmed by security African woman who can’t speak English of affairs. But I think it should be the US really need yet more of this Washingtonians really do trust the gov- measures. It meant being taken on a was bullied in the background. acknowledged that this is the state of anxious mantra? ernment unequivocally to secure DC - special, invitation-only tour of the The first intern lecture I attended was the union, or at least the state of the I would like to think that my fellow regardless of how random their actions White House, to find that as a foreign about the ‘Governmental Continuity’ administrative centre of it. Further, British interns and I helped in our own may seem. Half the city is being ripped national you have to wear a red badge question - that is, what happens if all of perhaps this suggests there should be little way. Although, ironically, no up to build new security installations, and have security guards stare at you sus- Congress gets bumped-off at once. If more universal criticism of the con- amount of security could protect the usually very slowly because building sites piciously for the duration. It means two the administration represents the views sensus that scare-mongering in the congressman I worked for, who has decimate access and are therefore per- fellow Brits arriving at immigration of the people in the US, then the US is a presidential election is fair play, with since I left cancelled his re-election versely more secure than the structures without one of the stack of necessary seriously nervous country. both candidates effectively branding campaign, following an alleged outing that will replace them. Code amber arose forms, to be told in no uncertain terms Contrary to Michael Moore and the other as liable to “weaken by a gay activist. God bless America. ...While Shama Naqushbandi profiles a project that bears witness to both sides of Kashmir, Southern Asia’s war-torn ‘paradise on Earth’ ast summer I returned to But you cannot sentimentalise behind shabby steel gates (though this is and everywhere sandbags, hanging glass reminder of how much more life lies Kashmir after a six year inter- Kashmir. With each day of the students’ deliberate). The whole landscape of bottles, barbed wire, soldiers with fingers buried beneath the cold small-print of val and established The six week stay, there were other unexpect- Kashmir has adopted a permanent on the triggers of their guns. newspaper articles. Inadvertently, it also Kashmir Project (TKP). TKP ed events, though these had long since flinch. ‘It was really sad, but only after Admittedly, the paradox bewildered highlighted a general inclination to pass Lis a cultural and educational exchange stopped being surprises to the locals: arriving in Srinagar did we realise to our participants at first, especially at over people in conflict zones with the programme, enabling British students to newspapers inevitably recorded deaths, what extent the Kashmiris have been school. One wrote “It is heartbreaking to odd indifference with which we might see and experience life in a difficult yet accounts of missing people, tales of isolated from the rest of the world, and see the stoic looks on the children when hear the cumulative figure of casualties beautiful part of the world. abuse, interrogation centres and conspir- even from the rest of India’ one partici- they talk about the atrocities visited on in a battle. Describing Kashmir would be an acy theories. During their stay, Islamia pant wrote. Less than a couple of hours’ their land. It is all they have known...” Assimilation of ‘The Kashmir Issue’ impossible task and would probably High School was burned down. There drive away you confront the most glori- While in England adolescents lose their into daily life has been so complete that involve making several contradictions. was a bomb blast at Dal Gate (where ous scenery: mountain ranges which innocence with movies and magazines, one cannot fail to be moved by the disil- So avoiding any self-accusations I will incidentally the Biscoe School rowing make your heart skip a beat - thundering in Kashmir the children lose their inno- lusion and sense of idle daydream that say that if Kashmir must be placed, it regattas begin). And, unsurprisingly, a rivers and winding streams, magnificent cence with war. accompanies any incipient talk of peace rests between the soul-inspiring and the protest. glaciers, cascading waterfalls and in the region. And will there ever be soul-destroying. Perhaps it can only be The students lived amid the hustle panoramic views photographed in your The whole landscape peace? Fifty years of hardship has made termed as surreal. “If there is Paradise on and bustle of the marketplace, a few mind forever. So much beauty to glut a of Kashmir has Kashmiris sceptical. Six weeks in earth, it is here, it is here, it is here …” In minutes dusty-walk away from the foreign eye, and yet so few eyes to wit- Kashmir, and we too parted with a the seventeenth century, the Mughal “world-famous” Dal Lake. In the centre ness it. adopted a crushing sense of wasted potential. But Emperor Jehangir dedicated these dying of the lake there is now a floating army While convoys of tanks rumble across permanent flinch then again, I suppose, in Kashmir, the words to a eulogy of Kashmir’s other- checkpoint. Fifty years of war has stunt- the mountainside, nomads with their flaming Paradise, once the playground of wordliness. ed development and investment. The flocks of sheep wander through the hills. During the worst troubles, it was lovers, poets and romantics, you cannot This year, nine students spent at least spirit of innovation and entrepreneur- This is the world’s most highly mili- common knowledge that kids, barely help but daydream. six weeks in Srinagar, the heart of ship is a thing of the past. Power cuts tarised territorial dispute: some estimates teenagers, were coming to their schools TKP has no proclaimed or covert Kashmir, working as teachers in the occur almost daily. Everything looks like suggest more than 50,000 people have (even the private ones) each morning political or religious dimension. On the Tyndale Biscoe School Network. The it could collapse and still be put back died since 1949. with guns, rifles and hand-grenades. contrary, we encourage our participants academic exchange was an eye-opener to together again. Today, village girls wear white shal- TKP participants were soon integrat- to see Kashmir for themselves and form both the British students, to whom fre- The roads of Srinagar are dusty and war-kameez and laugh on their way to ed into the Kashmiri way of life. their own personal views accordingly. quent teacher “bunking” was an ironic half-finished, almost as though the school, jam-packed buses whiz past with Personal safety was as big, or rather as Their views, however, do not necessarily novelty, as well as to the Kashmiri teach- builders lacked the heart to construct young men clinging to the outer frames, small, an issue as it might have been reflect the views of the Project Directors ers, who found personal interaction with anything which might survive the next elders smoke hookas in shop entrances, were they back in England – in short, or TKP itself. For more information and kids outside class a slight shock to the few weeks, let alone years. Even the and the city is studded with army none of the participants ever once felt contact details have a look at TKP’s sanctuary-theory of the staffroom. meretricious palaces of the rich luxuriate bunkers, watch-points, military bases unsafe. TKP was a heart-warming website: www.thekashmirproject.com

INTERVIEW 16 October 22, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk The rules of Magnetic attraction Magnetic Fields auteur Stephen Merritt is responsible for some of the most original pop of the 90s. He told Ronojoy Dam about love, bubblegum pop and the ukelele www.cerysmatic.clara.net tephin Merritt is somewhat 1980s. His campness is affirmed of a wonder. Singer, song- however by the fact that he is rarely writer, soundtrack composer, without his Chihuahua Irving, multi-instrumentalist and named after Mr Berlin, and is a big Sproducer, he has been critically fan of musicals. acclaimed as a “genius” and “the Cole Merritt is a disco enthusiast. Porter of his generation”. Merritt has Dancing crops up in his work a lot been at the heart of the US under- (“Nothing matters when we’re danc- ground music community for some ing”) and is not something you would time now but it was the 1999 release immediately associate with Merritt’s of his 69 Love Songs triple album bedroom loner image. “I have an ear with his band The Magnetic Fields condition now which means I can’t that brought him mainstream success really go to discos with loud music - it was hailed as a masterpiece. anymore, or indeed weddings with However his success and fame have loud music, but I do need to dance a not made it over on this side of the lot.” His songs about dancing and Atlantic to anywhere near the same staying up late are reminiscent of the extent. Yet. heady romance of old 1940s black Merritt makes music that spans a and white films. wide range of genres including coun- Merritt sings his wry romantic try, folk, disco, new wave, punk, verse in a deep deadpan baritone, experimental and free jazz and incor- emotionless and yet filled with feel- porates a large variety of instruments ing. His debonair seriousness is tem- from the ukulele to the synthesizer. pered, however, with an urbane and He has a particularly high regard for entertaining wit as his acerbic love the ukulele as well as being a collec- songs detail the vicissitudes of mod- tor of exotic instruments and Tiki ern romance with lines like “A pretty art. “I think the ukulele is underused girl is like a minstrel show/ It makes in pop music. People hear it and you laugh/ It makes you cry.” Love is think it’s a badly recorded guitar.” the prevalent theme of Merritt’s work, as he deconstructs ideas about “Love is a very romance and relationships with a cynic’s reality and a dreamer’s ideal- small word for a ism, which fall between sharp wit and tender heartbreak: “I could dress very large com- in black and read Camus/ Smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth/ plex set of Like I was seventeen/That would be a scream/ But I don’t wanna get over things” you.” When I ask him about the con- stant reference to love in his work, he Merritt is highly proficient and replies, “Love is a very small word for records under a variety of monikers a very large complex set of things. It including bands such as the 6ths, the is an inexhaustible subject. Is it my Future Bible Heroes and the wonder- major theme? If you had asked any- fully named Gothic Archies. “I write one a few years ago they would have under different names because I make said that travel was my major theme. so many different kinds of music. I When I started producing albums I don’t think the same people will nec- hadn’t had the experience of touring. essarily like the Gothic Archies and Now I do tour, writing about travel ‘The Orphan of Zhao’ [a Chinese seems too obvious.” opera he composed the score for]. But Merritt creates immaculately it’s not that I don’t want to be person- crafted soundscapes using a variety ally associated with them: if that was of acoustic, electronic and impro- the case I’d use a pseudonym.” vised instruments, producing and Merritt is a Harvard graduate as arranging his songs himself. He well as being a music critic for the attributes much of his singular com- had its perks, such as meeting John natural to Merritt. “I think all song- New York Times and Time Out New positional ability to his early ground- Lennon and Yoko Ono at the age of writing engages with cliché whether Lyrical Merritt York. He reviewed Tony Bennett’s ing in classic Top 40 pop, notably the five, when he says he was a big it’s conscious of it or not. The inherent album ‘The Playground’ as “a chil- shimmering structural perfection of Beatles fan, but the religious side of material – of tension and release - it I always say I love you dren’s album perfect for paedophiles this was something that did not cap- isn’t really cliché. I don’t think there’s When I mean turn out the light and glue sniffers.” He is completely “I grew up ture the young Merritt: “My mother been anything original since the Jesus And I say let’s run away uncompromising and does things on tried to bring me up as a Buddhist and Mary Chain’s Psycho Candy. My When I just mean stay the night his own terms. He has been described listening to but she didn’t succeed. I am not a musical taste has gone backwards variously as a recluse, a misanthrope religious person. I lack the part of the through the 20th century at a rate of When I was two and a half and a bitter romantic. But if anything, bubblegum pop” brain which makes people think they about 25 years a decade.” My momma said to me he is full of surprises and you can have seen God. I am not a spiritual When I ask about his ideas about Love is funny you will laugh never be sure what to expect next. ABBA. His song ‘The Death of person. Actually there’s a theory that England, he hasn’t really got much to ’Til the day you turn three Merritt is openly gay but his sexu- Ferdinand de Saussure’ engages with when people think they have visions say and proffers no particular impres- ality has had no bearing on his artis- the inherent artificiality of music. of God, it’s down to a sort of seizure. sions about it other than mentioning How fucking romantic tic success or his fan base and he has “As a producer, I'm not looking for a Perhaps I’ve had a reverse seizure.” that he’s been to London several times Must we really waltz refused to be defined by it, some- ‘realistic’ effect. I like Phil Spector Merritt has been something of a and Birmingham once. “I’m sure I’ll Drag another cliche thing that is still unique today in the and ABBA records because they persistent purveyor of concept albums like Cambridge” he says, in a very, very Howling from the vaults world of pop music and gossip aren't striving for realism. I can't which he says is because they allow dry tone. columns. “I think if I was starting hear individual instruments, just the him to make a lot of different kinds of When you cancel dinner plans again, I certainly wouldn’t be closeted notes.” ABBA are often cited as music in a coherent way. The new The Magnetic Fields play the Corn When you cross the street and you about my sexuality, but I might not Merritt’s favourite band, “I grew up album ‘i’ is comic, perverse and per- Exchange on Wednesday 27th don’t take my hand call my record label ‘Gay and listening to bubblegum pop. I’ve sonal, each of the tracks beginning November. When you make impossible demands Loud’.”Merritt is often to be found always liked it but I like it for differ- with the letter 'i'. As well as concepts, I wish I didn’t understand writing in gay bars and he worked in ent reasons at different times.” the Magnetic Fields albums toy exten- The new Magnetic Fields album i is from The Sixty-Nine Love Songs and i several Boston gay clubs during the Growing up with a hippy mother sively with clichés. This seems very out now on Nonesuch Records. in association with

Who’s Next?

Who’s Next?Who’s Next?

The ? Talent List

www.varsity.co.uk for more details /stage listings FRIDAY 22 powered by 23:00 ADC CUADC present Nick Mohammad’s Diagnosis 19:45 Arts Theatre Clouds - Premiere tour of this roman tic comedy SATURDAY 23 23:00 ADC CUADC present Nick Mohammad’s Diagnosis FRIDAY 22 19:45 Arts Theatre Clouds - Premiere tour of this roman tic comedy CLARE Inner Essence DnB - DJ Fluid & MC Fearless MONDAY 25 QUEENS Rip It Up UK Garage FEZ Zav Chunky house 23:00 ADC CUADC present Nick Mohammad’s Diagnosis JUNCTION Pop Art Indie / Alternative 19:45 Arts Theatre Clouds - Premiere tour of this roman tic comedy LIFE Boogienight 70s and 80s night TUESDAY 26 SATURDAY 23 19:45 ADC Top Quark Productions present Oxygen QUEENS Gold Return to the 80s 19:45 Arts Theatre Clouds - Premiere tour of this roman tic comedy FEZ Martin & Michael American House WEDNESDAY 27 SUNDAY 24 19:45 ADC Top Quark Productions present Oxygen COCO Sunday Roast Cheese and Chart 19:45 Arts Theatre Clouds - Premiere tour of this roman tic comedy FEZ Funky Affairs Vibe FM’s Rick Grooves THURSDAY 28 LIFE Sunday Session Commercial dance, party, r’n’b MONDAY 25 19:45 ADC Top Quark Productions present Oxygen 19:45 Arts Theatre Clouds - Premiere tour of this roman tic comedy TUESDAYFEZ Fat 26 Poppaddaddys Mix of Funky Grooves BALLARE Top Banana CUSU’s Best Cheese COCO Licked That urban flava Bruno’s Brasserie LIFE Unique LBGT extravaganza Tel: 01223 312 702 WEDNESDAY 27 52 Mill Road, Cambridge, CB1 2AS THURSDAYBALLARE Rumboogie 28 Sports Men and Women come out to play COCO Urbanite C USU Hip Hop and RnB /guide /the rest FRIDAY 22 13:10 The Solstice Quartet Amongst the permanent collection at Kettle's Yard. Admission is free. Concerts will be over by 2pm. CHRISTMAS PARTIES, TUESDAY 26 Birthdays, Hen nights, 19:30 Raja Yoga Soc - Meditation, Art,Philosophy, Music, Film @ Inner Space,,Kings Parade Romantic 'dining for two' 19:30 CU Bahai society - ‘Freedom from Terroris’m@ King’s College: Chetwynd Rm Michelin Guide 2004 WEDNESDAY27 'A haven of good food served in a warm and comfortable ambiance’ 20:00 Transcendental Meditation: Introductory Lecture @ Senior Parlour, Caius College www.varsity.co.uk October 22, 2004 LISTINGS 19

Great tasting, great value pizza for delivery and collection

Dominos, Cambridge: 01223 355155 27 Hills Road, The Marlowe Society Cambridge, CB2 1NW invites crew applications for THE COMEDY OF ERRORS Cambridge Arts Theatre Show Lent 2005 Human Nature and World Order ASSISTANT PRODUCER 23rd October: 10:30 till 6pm 24th October: 10:00 till 3:30pm ASSISTANT PUBLICIST Lauterpacht Research Centre for International Law SPONSORSHIP OFFICER 5 Cranmer Road, Cambridge ASSISTANT DESIGNERS CU Baha'i Society, in collaboration with the Association of COMPANY PRODUCTION Bahá'í Studies, present a week-end conference for reflecting on MANAGER (TD) International Law, Gender, Migration and International COSTUME MANAGER Institutions. PROPS MANAGER More details can be found at www.srcf.ucam.org/bahai/ COMPANY STAGE MANAGER DEPUTY STAGE MANAGER ASSISTANT STAGE MAN- Interested in voluntary work in Africa? AGERS LX Want to work to improve rural secon- SX dardy schools?

Contact Lauren (lac43) to apply. Find out more about the CU Kenya Project

Partnership: 26th October, 8pm Bateman audi-

torium, Caius.

The Marlowe Society announces auditions for THE COMEDY OF ERRORS Cambridge Arts Theatre Show invites applications for tour managers / pro- Lent 2005 ducers forthe 2005 tour of the USA. Saturday 23rd October: 10-1, .30-5 Deadline for applications is 1st November. Sunday 24th October: 10-1, 1.30-5 Formore information contact Christina Room N7, Pembroke College (cje35). Contact: lac43 FOOTLIGHTS ‘ORPHEUS IN THE welcomes all new comers to: UNDERWORLD’ AT Virgin Smoker: 2nd Nov, 11pm: ADC. THE CAMBRIDGE Auditions as a formality on Saturday 30th Oct, ARTS THEATRE 12-2: ADC dressing room. Workshop for those who don't have anything: The Cambridge University G & S 26th Oct, 7-9: Old Kitchens, Queens’. Society invites applications for Please contact ras81 for details. PRODUCER, DIRECTOR, PUB- LICITY MANAGER, EDUCA- CLASSIFIED TION OFFICER, TECHNICAL BA Gown and Hood for sale - good quality. £50 the lot, or DOIRECTOR, LIGHTING offers if split... includes postage. e-mail Penny.Pullan@ntl- DESIGNER, SOUND DESIGNER, world.com or tel: 01509 567346. COSTUME DESIGNER, SET Model for artists! £11ph. Interesting, occassional work. Find DESIGNER out more.Tel: 01223 571 816. www.derekbatty.co.uk ...for its Lent Term production of Models required: For life drawing, £10 per hour. the Cambridge Arts Theatre, - (Inexperienced models are welcome) ‘Orpheus in the Underworld’ by Contact: Mr Kourbaj Visual Art Centre, Christ’s College Offenbach. Email: [email protected] English Language Tutoring one-to-one or small group To apply please send a letter stat- tutorials for beginning, intermediate or advanced English ing why the project/position inter- learners. onversation, grammar, reading, writing, and/or any ests you, and a cv of relevant requested focus from the student. From £14 an hour. If inter- experience, to Claire ested, contact Alicia on 07869.125.362 or at ([email protected]) [email protected] TESOL/EFL certification from Duke University, USA)

October 22 2004 varsityarts

This above all: to thine own self be true, mate AC Berwick wonders why of wanky self-gratification. Surely it the idiom of a poet/band/artist rarely toss: it seems unlikely that the two was there to be noted, but why? Was allows you any insight; rather, the glasses will receive contemplation it a desperate message in a bottle, a impression of familiarity simply masks alongside other great works like Tracey Neighbours is getting above itself hope that some lager-swilling contempt for whatever you might be Emin’s bed; rather, some yuppie banker English finalist with too much time saying at the time. A working knowl- will no doubt pull them out at every Few people have noticed the modernist Prince Hamlet. ‘When I was twenty, I on his hands would feel illuminated edge of The Iliad becomes another tool after-dinner drinks (blazer and chinos) bent Neighbours has taken of late. Like didn’t know the difference between a by Max’s erudition? for pulling some Classics bird at formal, for the next 6 months, smiling sagely, that moment on Tuesday when hawk and a handsaw,’ he claimed on something else that will be discarded, ‘Damien Hirst, don’t you know?’ – Summer name-checked Natalie Monday, improbably. Hearing this Did you know that along with any pretence of dignity, once imagine the arched eyebrow, the know- Imbruglia, a former resident of the lamentation, I was inspired upon the you’re completely mashed on 20 bottles ing glint in the eye – before returning Street (incidentally, did you know that moment to stroke my chin and smile Ramsay Street is of VK Watermelon in Coco’s. Great cheerily to his line of coke. Ramsay Street is actually a cul-de-sac? sagely, ‘Hamlet, don’t you know?’ – cul-de-sac night though: I was proper battered. So next time Max quotes Hamlet, I Jeepers); the audience was of course imagine the arched eyebrow, the know- actually a ? Topically, this artistic prostitution shall think: ‘you claim these words as reminded of that moment in Hamlet ing glint in the eye – before returning to seems to have been epitomised by your own, but I’m well-read, have heard when Polonius mutters inaudibly about downing my pint of lager. I love beer. Perhaps not. I suspect it was actually Sotheby’s auction of the contents of them said a hundred times (maybe less, his abortive singing career. Upon reflection, however, the ben- the work of some spotty work experi- Damien Hirst’s ‘Pharmacy’ restaurant maybe more). If you must write prose Summer’s not the only one fucking efits of noting Max’s verbal symme- ence goon with an unhealthy obsession earlier this week, where two Martini or poems the words you use should be with people’s heads: Max keeps on try with poncy Prince Hamlet seem with The Waste Land.Yet the socially glasses sold for £4,000. Even in its your own, don’t plagiarize or take on attempting to cast himself as mental dismal, merely a momentary feeling inept fool has proved little: adopting demise Hirst’s restaurant remains a bit loan.’ So there, you twat. pick of the week image of the week we know best, so listen and learn

Andrei Rublev Arts, Saturday 23rd - Monday 25th, 12 noon.

Andrei Tarkovsky’s masterpiece, this is a haunting exploration of 15th century Russia and its religious obsessions. Seriously good. Not just black and white and weird.

David Mamet: Scenes Playroom,‘til Saturday 23rd October, 9.30pm

If you’re a fan of the American playwright’s terse conversational style, these bits and pieces are bound to be a treat. And it’s short, which is always a bonus.

The Magnetic Fields Corn Exchange,Wednesday 27th, 7.30pm, £15

Our interviewee Stephen Merritt brings his unique brand of ABBA inspired ukelele pop to Cambridge. Melodies haunting or catchy and killer lyrics to boot.

Pure Garage Cocos, Monday 25th October

It’s not often you get something alternative in a sweaty student club, but for one night only you get some of the cream of UK Garage and Grime. Don’t miss this rare treat.

photo courtesy of Breaking the waves Trinity, Sunday 24th and 26th, 8.30pm

Vintage Dogme kicking off Trinity Film Society’s worthy season (see page 26). www.phocus.org.uk Awarded 4 stars in Halliwell’s film guide - ‘Voyage’ competition - there’s no better cinematic accolade really. enter now New York 2004. By Naaman Tammuz

FROM LESBIAN PRIDE TO ANTI-BUSH ‘SOUND COLLAGES’ MUSIC, PAGES 28-29 DOGME SPECIAL FILM, PAGE 26 POETRY: FACE-OFF! LITERATURE, PAGE 23 A BREATH OF FRESH AIR THEATRE, PAGE 32 BLOOMING FASHION PAGE 27

www.varsity.co.uk October 22, 2004 LITERATURE 23 Is poetry worth the paper it’s written on? e ur Right Hand Side Pict Right Hand

Emily Critchley attempts to read her poetry that ‘is not meant to be read aloud’... After last week’s poetry reading at the ...While Olly Buxton, a second year English Faculty, English student Rachel engineer, explores how the mechanisms Willcock defends the value of verse... of poetry add up for a science student I have always been slightly puzzled by the status of another bemused man in the audience asked if he I was sitting in the college bar, preparing myself Any attempt to convey my opinions on this poetry readings. Poetry is meant to be seen as words could subject the poem to a “good old fashioned for a night out, when I was propositioned with a poetry are completely fruitless, so I won’t. on a page with shape and form being as important Cambridge practical criticism”. I have tried and I am poetry reading at the English Faculty. Having Instead, I’ll write about the conversation that we as delivery. On the other hand it is a lyrical form and afraid I admit defeat. What do the spaces mean? I been ribbed mercilessly by several of my house- had with the poet during the interval. She the sound of poetry being spoken can bring a very asked what the spaces signified – perhaps the speak- mates for being an unsophisticated Cindy’s, revealed that she was as concerned with sound as different feeling to the words. Traditionally, poetry er’s hesitation, time change, a different perspective Cocos man, and having seen The Simpsons meaning, that her poems would be “hard to was read out in order to expand its ‘readership’ – a or uncertainty? I’m still wondering. Why are the episode in which Lisa attended a poetry reading enjoy” without studying poetry, and that she way to communicate to the illiterate masses. A poet- gaps irregular? And if they do have significance, full of attractive intellectual English students, I wanted to demolish the idea that words have ry reading at the English Faculty of Cambridge how can this poetry be read aloud – Critchley left no decided to accept. The night started promisingly transparent meaning. I’m afraid this did nothing University is symptomatic of how far in the other greater pause between the long and short gaps. as we made our way to the flashy and strikingly whatsoever to dispel my preconception of direction poetry reading has gone. It is now the Saying this, I really enjoyed some of the poetry of orange new English Faculty. Even more promis- English students as pretentious bullshitters. reserve only of the learned middle classes. Drew Milne. His lilting voice was a joy to listen to ing: a glass of wine was provided to deaden the After the interval was Leslie Scalapino, the I fervently believe that literature and particularly and really added to the assonance of the poetry. pain of the imminent poetry. subject of Critchley’s PhD. I noticed that the poetry should be accessible to more people. As an Lines such as “city silted too” in ‘Day-Mares’ were The reading took place in a futuristic looking audience had thinned, presumably succumbing English student, I clearly think that study enlight- animated by being spoken. The speed of the reading room in the basement: black paint and steel tub- to the pull of the out-and-out cheese at ens the reading of a poem. Nevertheless, good poet- meant that a slightly random impression was given, ing as far as the eye could see. This was comple- Cindy’s. The parallels between Critchley and ry, even at its most incomprehensible, can be appre- and lines such as “Satire to Hypereon. This is mented by an extremely bizarre choice of ambi- Scalapino were obvious; both using fragmented ciated in some way – even if it is the sound of a turn ground control”, “FCUK youth” “group singing to ent music, or rather noises that sounded like phrases rather than traditional flowing poetry. of phrase or indeed a realisation that there are fur- which youth aspires” and “How now brown cow” all retro arcade games. Soon enough however the The main subject matter of Scalapino’s poetry ther depths that remain elusive to the reader. got blended in a hotch potch mixture of odd first poet was introduced, Drew Milne, described was both of the Gulf Wars and night. In par- Speaking poetry is a good way to accentuate the best moments and lines. Perhaps this is the effect that as the man behind the questionable décor - this ticular, she was keen on trying to convey the of poetry – those phrases of recognition where the was intended, however I didn’t find it enlightening. didn’t greatly add to his credentials. He read idea of language destroying night – whatever reader (or listener) can think “Yes, that’s exactly the I have the feeling that sometimes Milne’s poetry was some of his older poems and a new one that had- this means. By this stage I’m afraid that my feeling”. supposed to be humorous (“Me, the n’t been heard before. mind was definitely elsewhere, and I only got For these reasons I found the first in the Godfather…future breadstick”), but no one In hindsight, Drew Milne was the poet that I to grips with this reading marginally better Cambridge series of poetry readings disappointing. laughed.This could be a sign again that poetry must connected with the most, but it certainly did not than I did with Critchley’s. I took Olly, an engineer who has no previous inter- be deciphered to be appreciated or that the audience feel like that at the time. To say that I understood Generally I would question the value of these est in poetry, with me in order to have a contrast were just as baffled as me. any of the poems, or indeed appreciated any of sorts of events, as I’m not convinced that contem- with my supposedly educated and enlightened view It is a shame that there is no middle ground in their subtleties and clever meanings would be an porary poetry is a performance art. Despite this of the literature. He could give a new perspective to Cambridge. I know many scientists and other stu- out and out lie. However, I did manage to scrib- I’m extremely glad that I attended - to see how my flighty and perhaps pretentious reaction to it. dents who appreciate literature, and would enjoy a ble down furiously some lines that I thought the “other half ” live more than anything else. The evening didn’t work out according to plan as, in poetry reading if it wasn’t so pretentious and there stood out. Beforehand we were told that Milne’s fact, I found the poetry as impenetrable as Olly did. were some lines that they could actually understand. poetry was deadpan and could verge on being The Readers: I found it very difficult to follow what was said. Nevertheless, the fact remains that I embraced spiteful and I certainly got this impression, both These are poems that need to be pored over, not my complete bewilderment. Poetry like any other from his occasionally forced delivery and from Dr. Drew Milne is Director of Studies for skimmed over. In the past people could eagerly lis- art should be experimented with and not dumbed the violent language that he used. English at Trinity Hall. ten to the recital of a narrative poem, but when down. If you like challenging yourself and want The second poet was a PhD student, Emily poetry such as this has savaged any sense of conti- something to muse over, go down to the English Critchley, who started out in an unpromising Emily Critchley is a PhD student at Darwin nuity in narrative, speaker or indeed time, all you Faculty on a Tuesday evening and sup on the red manner by telling us that her poetry was “meant College, studying the poetry of Leslie can hang on to is the odd word which, on its own, wine and crazy music. Wear a beret and a polo neck. to be read, not performance poetry”. Not what Scalapino is arbitrary. I will be the first to admit that I’m sure I don’t think many people (Cambridge English stu- you want to hear as an audience member at a these poets were appreciated by other members of dents included) will genuinely understand these poetry reading. To aid us she put her poems up Leslie Scalapino is a poet from the east coast the audience and I am uncertain about whether I am poems but the fact that they are on is valuable in on an overhead, but as I had forgotton my glass- of the USA too stupid to understand the “influence of the lan- itself. If there is not a market for high brow literary es I realised I was in deep trouble. About the only guage poets” in Emily Critchley’s work or whether events at the best University in the country – where note that I took down during the whole of the Poetry readings are held at the English Faculty in actual fact it is not very good. is there? reading was ‘INCOMPREHENSIBLE’, and it throughout Michaelmas term on a Tuesday at 8pm. While I was speaking to Emily in the interval, was underlined for effect.

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accenture.com/ukgraduates 26 DOGME FILM October 22, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk What began with a whisper is now a wave Ellen E. Jones on rules which were made to be broken The world-shaking, revolutionary approximate reality as closely as pos- schemes of most men live and die in sible. While it remains a moot point one night of heavy-drinking, but Lars how far Von Trier’s personal reality of lect.com Von Trier has built a career from such “spazzing” collectives and Bjork inspiration. It’s no surprise then, that musicals corresponds to everyone papicse what began with a whisper - “Do you else’s, the artistic potential of the want to start a wave?” - to fellow Dogme doctrine was confirmed in Danish director, Thomas Vinterberg, 1998, when Vinterberg’s film Festen across a darkened train compartment won the Jury Award at Cannes. would eventually become the fully- Despite Vinterberg’s insistence that fledged cinematic movement, Dogme was intended as a purification Dogme’95. process for experienced directors, the Three years later and the Dogme movement contributed momentum to movement was introduced to a gath- a generation of first-time, low-budget ering of critics and film-makers when directors worldwide, who welcomed a Von Trier threw thousands of red way to disguise necessity as artistic leaflets from a balcony at the Odéon intention. Julien Donkey Boy, the work - Théatre de L’Europe in Paris (a key of enfant terrible and Kids scribe location in the 1968 uprisings). Harmony Korine, became a contro- With the same combination of the- versial Dogme # 6 in 1999, and from atricality and puritanism, which was there the movement grew into an to become the movement’s trade- international phenomenon, including mark, these leaflets detailed the ‘Vow films from France, Korea, Argentina, of Chastity’. This “indisputable set Italy and Switzerland. of rules” was intended to counter cer- The original intention of the tain trends in mainstream cinema Dogme founders (Von Trier, and provide a kind of artistic detox Vinterberg, Søren Krag Jacobsen and Cinema in the style of stage in Lars von Trier’s Dogville for film-makers immersed in illu- Kristian Levring) had been to meet sion-creating techniques. each time a new film was released, in thoroughly charming but, nonethe- uralness of the movement’s demise, intention. The ‘Vow of Chastity’ required order to judge whether or not it com- less, rule-breaking addition to the “It was always meant to be a wave, What’s more surprising is how the directors to refrain from using sets or plied with the ‘Vow of Chastity’. Dogme cannon) it was apparent that and they don’t go on forever.” In the energy of the Dogme manifesto and any props except those which This soon became logistically impos- the movement’s own success had same way that dieters only detox so its exposure of the inherent contra- occurred naturally on location, using sible and it was decided that, instead, brought about its dilution and by they can go back to eating lard with dictions of cinema – an art form any sound produced separately from Dogme certificates would simply be 2002 all of the original directors were renewed relish, putting aside their which tells the truth from a patch- the image and addressing any subject- awarded to whoever applied. By the engaged in non-Dogme projects. vows has allowed Von Trier et al. to work of lies – continues to pose a matter other than the here and now. time Lone Scherberg’s Italian for Far from accepting failure, return to film-making with a renewed challenge to film-makers in Europe In other words, the Dogme film must Beginners was released in 2003 (a Vinterberg is quick to stress the nat- energy. This much was always their and beyond. Liberate your inner idiot Dogme Season This term Trinity Film Society will A lonely young woman, Karen a daytrip to the pool; rough silliness Stoffer’s increasingly psychotic be showing a selection from the befriends a mentally handicapped duly follows. attempts to maintain his cult of per- Dogme95 movement, twice a week man and his carer in a restaurant; Stoffer is allowed to use his uncle’s sonality; Albinus’ frequent transi- at 8:30pm in the Winstanley gentle romantic comedy ensues. house for a headquarters on the con- tions from suave suburbanite to Lecture Hall.... Well, not exactly. As it turns out dition that he helps to sell it, and naked lunatic are frighteningly swift Stoffer, “the Irascible retard” fronts a takes gleefully cynical measures to and believable. All the while, Karen group that liberate their ‘inner put off potential buyers. By day, the tags along – an enigmatic Labrador BREAKING THE WAVES idiots,’ through ‘spazzing’ in public, a group sell festive tat door-to-door, puppy in a yellow cardigan – to the (Lars von Trier, 1996) phrase which many will remember and after a series of refusals resort to bitter end where her motivations Sun 24 Oct from school, which means pretend- a compensation scam that consists finally become clear, and the film’s Tue 26 Oct ing to be mentally handicapped as mainly of Stoffer yelling “you’ve moral impassivity comes to the fore. embarrassingly as possible. This film spoiled it for the retards!” at an The Idiots has many narrative sim- is partly coal-black satire, partly psy- indignant local. ilarities with the ‘moral tourism’ of EUROPA chological drama. Set apart from the group is the Fight Club, its American contempo- (Lars von Trier, 1991) There are two idiot factions: the infantile relationship (didn’t I prom- rary, although without the cinematic Sun 31 Oct dominant party who play with the ise romance?) between Jeppe and glamour and excess of David Mon 1 Nov taboos of disability at the expense of ‘Scaredy retard’ Josephine, a rela- Fincher’s work. It is certainly as ‘normals,’ and those who see the tionship so doomed that it makes provocative, has equal little sympa- experience as therapy and tacitly this reviewer feel almost optimistic. thy for the suburban middle class, THE FIVE OBSTRUCTIONS object to ‘poking fun’. Needless to With so many separate tensions, and no less awe at the manner in ( Joergen Leth/Lars von Trier, say, the former provoke the funniest the group dynamic begins to disinte- which taboos can make fools of 2003) scenes. “I’m not coming if anyone’s grate, a process that Von Trier civilised society. Sun 7 Nov going to be rough or silly,” says a emphasises through interspersed Mon 8 Nov hopelessly optimistic Susanne before documentary-style interviews and Dan Benton

DOGMA #2 - THE IDIOTS (Lars von Trier, 1998) A dogmatic slice of Danish life Sun 14 Nov Mon 15 Nov A Danish patriarch invites his rela- unstoppably, the party continues. a lack of directorial ego. Whilst it tives and friends to a celebration of his Festen impresses most in the per- remains to be proven that unsteady 60th birthday. The guests are wel- formances: Thomas Bo Larsen’s por- camera-work and murky lighting are DOGMA #3 - MIFUNE comed, mingle, find their rooms, dress trayal of the repulsive younger son is essential to attain those goals; the rev- (Soeren Kragh-Jacobsen, 1999) for dinner and there is plenty of mun- brilliant, if a little on the hollering elation here is that the slick cinema Sun 21 Nov dane, polite party chatter. It is quickly jiggery-pokery we normally expect is Mon 22 Nov apparent, however, that something is so unnecessary. The director’s self very wrong with this family. Festen impresses most effacement is also a surprising success, The eldest son, Christian, is as it is the fabulous acting, writing and DOGMA #1 - FESTEN e ur strangely quiet, brooding you might in the performances photography which stand out. (Thomas Vinterberg, 1998) say; when a disturbing message is You cannot like Festen: it is too dis- Sun 28 Nov found from his dead twin sister. side. It is also a fine contrast to Ulrich turbing, too dark. This film has, how- Mon 29 Nov Christian then stands to deliver a Thomsen’s Christian who displays an ever, a relentless momentum, authen- speech, his mouth opens, and the astonishing range and depth of feeling ticity and force. Watch it and you will family abomination is revealed. without apparently moving a muscle. realise that Hollywood only plays at Von Trier: central Dogme figure Side Pict ft Hand Others make their speeches in turn, The Dogme movement is in cinema. Le the drama unfolds and chillingly, essence about honesty, simplicity and Jerry King www.varsity.co.uk October 22, 2004 FASHION 27

Bloomin’Bloomin’ MarvellousMarvellous

Casual classiness is the order of the browns, rosy reds, moss greens, plum and berets, printed silk scarves and toed shoes, brogues and faux-animal; day. The trick to track the and berry, even buttercup yellows; scarf bows, maybe even some piped the best are tasselled and chocolate. Bloomsbury trend - be natural and artificial is out this season, get back to leather gloves. Pearls are back with a Bloomsbury is to be found in most imagine that you’ve just stepped out nature. A-line skirts, pleated skirts, vengeance, mainly two or three fashion retailers in Cambridge, of a Virginia Woolf novel. Prints are delicate blouses, mohair cardigans, v- strings, but don’t overdo it on the jew- whether in the generic high street essential, be it on dresses, skirts or neck tea-dresses, refined and tasteful, ellery this season. And for the shoes giants or obscure boutiques, so go for Models: Max Bennett, blouses, art-deco or floral. The are what you should be looking for on to complete your ensemble, rid your it: urbane yet rural, bold yet muted, Clare McLaughlin - Symon colours are organic, or should at least the shelves. mind of last year’s elf-toed obsession, sophisticated but not overdressed. Stylists: Sally Jennings, be found in the garden, earthy As for accessories, think cloche hats and make a return to good-old round Michael Talbot Johanna Zetterstrom-Sharp

Max (1) wears: brown patterned shirt (£7.99) Oxfam, brown pinstriped trousers (£30) and brown cord trilby (£20) both from Topman. Shoes, model’s own. Clare (1) wears: blue knitted jumper (£25), tweed skirt (£25), and gold beret (£12), all from Topshop, necklace (£3.99) and belt (£5.99) from Oxfam. Shoes, stylist’s own. Clare (2) wears: pink sequined cardigan (£20) from Dixie’s stall, beret, skirt and necklace as before. Shoes, stylist’s own. Max (2) wears: green t-shirt (£28) and brown Nike jacket (£58), both from Dogfish. Trousers and shoes as before. Clare (3) wears: white cashmere poloneck (£20) and fur wrap (£45), both from Dixie’s stall, black velvet skirt (£9.99) H&M, pearl brooch (£3.99) Oxfam. Shoes, as before. 28 MUSIC October 22, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

The Soulwax Riots PIAS Ned Beauman talks boogie with Soulwax’s bassist

No, you don’t know who he is. You before,’ says Van Leuven. ‘It’s more They’ll probably be covers.’ (Also on probably thought Soulwax was no groovy. There’s an element of the the forthcoming singles will be remix- more than Stephen and David 2ManyDJs that slipped in, which es by, among others, electroglam pimp Dawaele, who have been destroying made it more dance-orientated.’ Felix Da Housecat. Soulwax them- dancefloors for a long time now as The most shameless dancefloor atom selves have done some great remixes: 2ManyDJs. You were wrong, but for bomb on the album is ‘NY Excuse’, look for their versions of Ladytron’s once I’m not going to condescend with its simple electro bass riff, synth- ‘Seventeen’, the Sugababes’ ‘Round you, because I didn’t know either. It tornado breakdown, and shouty vocals Round’, and Kylie’s ‘Can’t Get You turns out that Soulwax have a bassist by Nancy Wang. This is the excuse that Out of My Head’. The last one, an called Stefaan Van Leuven, and, with we’re making! Is it good enough for ‘inside joke’ for DJ sets and friends of the Dawaele brothers themselves the band, is unlicensed and only avail- busy in the studio mixing B-sides, I able as an MP3 of a bootleg recording interviewed him. Shameless dance- off Belgian radio). Soulwax were big around 1999 ‘Also we’re putting a live set because of Much Against Everyone’s floor atom bombs together for the tour. The band will Advice. Then As Heard On Radio play, then the brothers will play some Soulwax Volume 2 came out and the what you’re paying? ‘We had to con- records, it should be a fun night.’ Dawaele brothers became the only DJs vince the record company it was worth- What about the next album? ‘It in the world big enough to headline a while sen ding Steph off to New York won’t take as long as the last one. We rock festival (and made that ‘name ten to record these vocals,’ says Van might just go into the studio and famous Belgians’ game a lot easier). Leuven. ‘He really just wanted to see make it in fourteen days. And it will These days they play a lot of techno Nancy, his girlfriend.’ Wang is the key- be completely different again.’ The but back then they were kings of the boardist for LCD Soundsystem, who last thing I want to ask Van Leuven bootleg scene (Christina/Strokes, are going to be huge very soon. (check is, has he ever been tempted to take Destiny’s Child/Nirvana, Salt’n’Pepa/ out ‘Losing My Edge’ to see what I up DJing like the Dawaele brothers? The Stooges etc.). So everyone forgot mean). Are Steph and Nancy still ‘I tried once. But Steph and Dave are about Soulwax the band until this together? ‘Yes.’ Aww, disco love. such naturals, there’s just no way for year’s Any Minute Now. ‘The new What does the future hold for me to compete; these days I keep album is very different to the one Soulwax? ‘We’re recording B-sides. away from the decks.’ Stefaan Van Leuven looks unconcerned at the prospect of a game of pile-on Elliott Smith All Killah No Filler Jon Swaine pays homage to the songwriter Afolabi Oliver rates Ghostface at the Junction’s Rawganics

Premature death can seriously skew ‘Pretty (Ugly Before)’ is beautiful, all hop DJs in the country, impressively r critical hindsight. Nirvana weren’t that instantly adding to Smith’s canon of or cutting a refreshing selection of records good; Hendrix was just annoying; Abbey Road-era McCartney laments W that managed to engage the crowd maybe John Lennon could have imag- epitomised by either-or closer ‘Say while deviating slightly from the often- ined no possessions if he’d taken his Yes’. Ryan Adams wishes he could heard tunes in constant rotation. fur coat collection out of its purpose- write piano-and-plucked reflections Malika The Dirty Stop-Out hosts then built, refrigerated closet long enough on unrequited affection as effortlessly took the stage to announce the arrival to consider their real worth. The abili- as this. ‘Twilight’, the album’s starkest of the man of the hour. Emerging with ty to be measured in considering any moment, is made its most poignant pants sagging, hat askew and no gim- output of those since passed, let alone by the light shone on its lyrics by sub- micks, Cambridge was finally intro- ‘The Posthumously-Released Last sequent events: ‘I’m tired of being duced to the nonchalant, witty lyricist Record,’ is hard to come by. down/I’ve got no fight.’ previously confined to a CD player. But content cannot be removed And it must be affirmed that there He rolled through classic material from context, and nor should it be. are exquisite moments on this album. including the feel-good ‘We Made It’ The bitter diatribes spat through After a disorientating introduction of and the soulful ‘Be This Way’. From a Basement on a Hill will always whispers, hallucinatory whistles and But few of the songs triggered rec- stick in the throat that bit longer, and drunken slabs of synth, ‘King’s Ghostface Killah got the crowd bubbling despite the lack of familiar material ollection for the majority of the its wistful reflections make the tears Crossing’ comes as a harrowing capacity audience and his set was stream that bit saltier because Elliott explosion of nervous tension. Rawganics. One of the biggest Hip dle-finger Ts were being thrown up mostly made up of album tracks. Smith committed suicide before its Horrible imagery – ‘It’s Christmas Hop nights in the country. Back in to the London rapper’s rhymes of city Ghostface’s chemistry with the audi- completion. And all we can do is try time, and the needle’s on the tree’ is business at the newly refurbished sickness and modern day disillusion- ence was evident in the throwing up to deal with that. layered upon sour disgust at personal Junction, and bigger than ever. With ment against a backdrop of intense of W’s but many Wu Tang and gener- For the unversed, Smith was a vanity: ‘I don’t care if I fuck up/I’m Pharoah Monche and Skinnyman basslines. One of UK hip hop’s al hip hop fans will have been disap- great troubadour of Portland, Oregon going on a date with a rich white performing in September, the stakes brighter talents, he was understand- pointed by the lack of familiar mate- who left the world a year ago today. lady/ain’t life great?’ But the passion were raised even higher this month. ably comfortable on stage, coming rial. The uncompromising perform- His decade-spanning six albums are seeping from its driven delivery is The first time I encountered from a scene that is more dependent ance was an accurate representation perhaps best approached in chrono- rendered too conspicuous by its supe- Ghostface Killah was in the infancy of on live performances than the heavi- of the artist, perhaps showing why he logical pairs; 1994 and 95’s Roman riority to its surroundings. The con- my relationship with hip hop. ly-marketed US equivalent. has maintained a loyal fan-base with- Candle and Elliott Smith are simply sistency of yore eludes him. Sometime in the early ’90s I watched Klashnekoff was soon followed by the out ever becoming a mainstream and chokingly melancholic, while in Further, there exists a constant ten- the nine rappers comprising the Wu dextrous talents of MOBO-award-win- commodity. Rawganics’ nationwide brilliantly marrying craft and com- sion between sheer frustration at the Tang Clan intimidate my living room ning Shortee Blitz, who justified his reputation was hammered home as merciality, 97 and 98’s either/or and repetitively present themes of addiction for four minutes from their video set, reputation as one of the very best hip they continued to push the ante up. XO are perhaps his most accom- and rejection already so defining of the clad in black hoodies and equipped

plished moments. It only seems apt previous albums, mingled with disap- with machetes that made you believe all r

that From a Basement on a Hill should pointment at the failure of the musical ‘Wu-Tang Clan aint nuttin’ ta fuck wit’. or join 2000’s Figure 8 in completing a support to carry them, and utter guilt at One group member made a particular W duo of flawed could-have-beens. daring to be frustrated by the depression impact by living up to his moniker with As the opening bars of ‘Coast to of a man about to take his own life. It’s the aid of a soulless white mask and Coast’ crunch, decorated with a fee- difficult to imagine coming back again upturned hood. This is indicative of the Malika bly graceful melody, our instant and again: listening just isn’t pleasant. individualism and rogue thought transportation to the delicately-bal- In the three publicity-free years fol- process that dominates the music of anced mind of a man as over- lowing Figure 8, much pondering was Ghostface Killah. This time he was in whelmed with the surrounding done on the basis for Smith’s hiatus. If Cambridge town. metropolis as ever seems so expected From a Basement on a Hill proves any- Although Ghostface was the name as to be disappointingly predictable. thing, it’s that they were spent in a given most centimetres on the flyer Yet its closing sequence of incom- state similar to the previous six, exac- there was other noteworthy talent on prehensible city-babble is awkward erbated by the realisations of a man display. Klashnekoff and his Terra enough to remind us to afford some past his creative peak and at a miser- Firma crew were a support act of the sympathy; the cause of sorrow does- able loss as to where to go, and what to highest order, receiving a riotous n’t grow less creditable simply by do next. And it’s hard to see how this crowd response to classics such as stubbornly enduring. record could be any more devastating. Murda and Daggo Mentality as mid- Klashnekoff gets the Junction warmed up with Terra Firma www.varsity.co.uk October 22, 2004 MUSIC 29

Shake the Gooom Gooom Jon Swaine explores the French experimental label Gooom

When laptop-wielding IDM geeks to partake in their rarely-offered live (as yet sole) hip-hop arm, offering have left you cold once too many experience even more so. loveable low-budget aesthetics and a times, when the seven-year-long Behind and steadfast are Cyann & tendency to break into song unsuit- midlife crisis of Always Ben, setting swirling loops of pianos ably mid-rap. Brilliant. Criminally Outnumbered, Never Outgunned has against droning, aching synths to ignored at home, Kids Indestructible just left you feeling old once too beautiful effect. Layering Air-evok- are Gooom’s British envoys abroad. If many times, it’s hard to know where ing hushed vocals over these pieces anything is going to warm the cross- to turn. When Jet have been allowed of pure energy, both ‘Spring’ and channel diplomatic freeze, the post- to seize a false, arguably racist ‘Happy Like an Autumn Tree’ (from Primals bleeps of Phil Quaite and monopoly on passion and feeling in last year and this respectively) call on Tim Robinson are unlikely to be it, music for meat-and-potato-rock Grandaddy, Bjork and Radiohead for yet we should lend support to our without resistance, it is hard to know their references, yet drench them in boys nonetheless. if there is anywhere to turn at all. something unmistakably Gallic. Fans The sense of family and of unity There is Paris. The roster of of the above or of Pink Floyd, becomes stronger the further you Gooom Disques is the cavalry. At its Kraftwerk or Godspeed! You Black explore Gooom’s releases. The label’s head: Anthony Gonzalez and Emperor will not be disappointed. acts are unique and original-sound- Nicolas Fromageau - M83. Their Aside from its two most coveted ing, yet something in the fabric of massive, lush soundscapes peppered figureheads, Gooom has an utterly their output remains fantastically with ethereal, chanteuse wisps fill the bewildering strength in depth. Mils distinctive, a thread of continuity head and dew the eye in ways not had been playing in Parisian toilets linking all of them in a stand against heard since My Bloody Valentine for seven years before they at last so-hot-right-now flashes in the pan almost bankrupted Alan McGee. found an affinity with their newer as much as the aforementioned Taking as its challenge the electron- comrades. In Le Grand Pic Mou they brute-rock chug. They are in this for ic reconstruction of shoegaze, last seem finally to have presented a truly the long-haul; get on board before it year’s Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost representative body of work. becomes the best bandwagon in Ghosts is an absolute must; a chance Abstrackt Keal Agram are the label’s town. Abstrakt Keal Angram (top) and Cyann and Ben (bottom) Album Reviews

Gang of Four Le Tigre The Detroit Milanese This Island Cobras 1 Up Was Yaqoob goes back to the 70’s Baby

When legions of youths flock to see For a collective initially stereotyped as Out now November 1st, Out now the latest piece of Moore bombast, dogmatic Marxists, the ironically (Universal) (Rough Trade) (Warp Records) listen to its musical corollary in the titled Entertainment! and follow up popularised pap of Green Day’s Solid Gold, far from being stilted his- Lesbian pride, hate songs to sex abusers At first glance the Detroit Cobras are ‘Your move, punk.’ During his very first American Idiot, and obliviously go tory lessons, speak of the common and anti-Bush ‘sound collages’: Kathleen impressively unoriginal. Not only are DJ set, a young jungle/dancehall/electro home to touch themselves to Britney, emotions underpinning society, while Hannah’s girl gang is back, and they’re they another Detroit-based garage rock producer is gunned down by a gang of it is tempting to write off Gang of venting spleen at the forces that still seething.Luckily the righteousness band, but they also write none of their clubbers demanding funky Ibizan house. Four. Either as an relic from a time manipulate them. is infused with a riotous sense of fun and own songs. But, please don’t be put off The doctors and scientists at Warp before politics in music became like, They soundtrack the story of some- the pop and the beats and the shouting just yet. The Cobras select lesser-known Records manage to rebuild his shattered so passé, or worse, as ancient precur- one who realises that the things he in unison are as infectious as ever, but Motown and 50s rock’n’roll originals body into something more machine sors of the current spate of pseudo- does, the sex (‘The rubbers in your Kathleen’s high-pitched high-speed and add to them their own modern, than man. His name? Milanese. His subversive bands hijacking the aes- pocket’), the job, the acceptance of the voice hits you like a punch. albeit distinctly Detroit-esque, flavour. prime directives? ‘Serve the public trust. thetic of political activism. symbols of a good life, are a substitute For latecomers, Hannah fronted The energy that they create can be Protect the innocent. Uphold the law. However, their omission from the for the confusion of the self - society feminist punk heroes Bikini Kill back felt throughout their new album, ‘Baby’, And rinse out the original bad bwoy pantheon of mainstream pop culture penetrates and simplifies your suppos- in the early nineties; commanders of from riff-laden ‘Slipping Around’ to junglist massive.’ suggests there is nothing to write off. edly most private thoughts. The the Olympia-based ‘riot grrrl’ scene. Blondie-reminiscent ‘Everybody’s Armed with distorted ragga vox, What makes this harder to under- shame of lust, fiercely enunciated on When it all fell apart she hooked up Going Wild’. And, despite the aptly machine-gun breaks, mindfuck stand is that their anonymity persists ‘Return the Gift’ (‘Repackaged sex with zine editor Johanna and (later) titled ‘Weak Spot’ and unnecessary ‘The rhythms, and even the occasional Aphex despite their huge influence on artists keeps your interest’); the shame of cross-dressing roadie JD Samson, to Real Thing’, the album’s momentum Twin-style pizzicato melody, Milanese as diverse as U2, Graham Coxon and dependency, as on ‘Anthrax’, their only form electro-punkers Le Tigre, who does not suffer massively and swiftly drags dark experimental electronics back even the Red Hot Chilli Peppers - as song ‘about love’ where King murmurs share vocal duties, guitar-attacking finds its course again. into the club. Although when DJs do testified to by Flea’s liner note tribute of feeling ‘like a beetle on its back’, and button-pushing as democratically The band saves their best till last, play this out, I imagine half the people in in the 1995 re-release of their 1979 and on the chilling, if eminently as you might expect. though, with the magnificent ‘Cha the club will flee in terror. This is the debut Entertainment! danceable, ‘Damaged Goods’, Highlights include the aforemen- Cha Twist’, the forthcoming first sin- future of dance enforcement. It shows So what could be the link between (‘Sometimes I'm thinking that I love tioned ‘Viz’, about lesbian visibility, gle from ‘Baby’. And it is with this sin- Warp Records haven’t gone soft just a band once lazily pigeonholed as you / But I know it's only lust’) all which has them calling joyously ‘You call gle, the help of a Diet Coke television because they’ve signed artists like Home ‘neo-Marxist funk’ and the shit sock- portray the rage at being blinded by it way too rowdy, I call it finally free,’ the advert and a Red Riding hood-clad Video (New Order meets Radiohead) on-wang-rock of RCHP? Primarily the fog of what is societally ‘natural’. bubblegum rap of ‘Nanny Nanny Boo’ Meg White boogying around in the and Gravenhurst (Simon meets, um, the music - Gang of Four fused James Sometimes this leads to rebellion and and an electro-reggae version of ‘I’m so accompanying video that the Cobras Garfunkel). Let’s hope he never turns Brown funk with the aggression of anger, as on the biting ‘I Found That excited’ that will have you dancing round look set to poison the charts on both against his creators. ‘Dead or alive, you’re punk, lacing singer Jon King’s clipped Essence Rare’, but the strongest emo- your bedroom like Elvis reborn. sides of the Atlantic. coming with me.’ vocals with Andy Gill’s guitar, jagged tions expressed are isolation, despera- Jessica Holland Rich Taylor Ned Beauman and furious. But there was more to it tion and self-loathing - more Joy than that - like Mission of Burma, Division than Franz Ferdinand. The Gang of Four immersed melodies in irony of soundtracking this with some storms of glitchy, stuttering feedback- of the catchiest punk written is less broken record, more clanging, unlikely to have been lost on the band. broken industrial plant. It is a testa- Sometimes perhaps a little crass in ment to their influence that their their sloganeering (songs like ‘What sound is echoed in bands as acclaimed We All Want’ didn’t exactly pull as Fugazi, and as stubbornly shit as punches with its title), Gang of Four’s the Chilli Peppers. music and intelligence elevated them But beyond the choppy rhythms far above current wannabe ‘issues’ and staccato noise beat the heart of a punk-funk and obtuse art rock like the band concerned about bigger things Liars. Even though they degenerated than making fashion move at Trash. into self-parody by their third album, The depth of the themes King any band that could casually spit out howled raise what could have been satires of the outsider culture aesthetic crass observational politics à la Hope with lines like ‘Guerilla war struggle is of the States to a level above Chris a new entertainment’ is worth a hun- Martin and Fair Trade carrot cake. dred art-poseur imitators.

Student musician? Email [email protected] to be included in an upcoming feature on Cambridge’s hottest hidden talent Opportunities for undergraduates and postgraduates. Come and meet us at Downing College on Monday 25th October at 7.15pm Careers Service event

Advertising & Marketing Communications Event

Tuesday 26 October 3.30 – 6.00pm

Howard Building, Downing College

Meet agencies in the creative, commercial world of advertising and marketing communications. Find out

what they look for in their recruits and what the jobs are really about.

• BARTLE BOGLE HEGARTY • DAS (Omnicom) • DDB LONDON

• J WALTER THOMPSON • THE VALUE ENGINEERS • WPP

(Subject to change/addition)

Essential Overview of the Advertising Industry

Monday 25 October 6.30 – 8.00pm

In preparation for the event on Tuesday, get a birds eye view of the constantly

evolving communications industry. This talk will be given by an Account Director and

Senior Planner from DDB London

Cambridge University Careers Service, Stuart House, Mill Lane, Cambridge www.careers.cam.ac.uk

Careers Service event

Careers for Mathematicians

Thursday 28th October 4.30 – 7.00pm

Centre for Mathematical Sciences, Clarkson Road

This event is not just for those currently reading maths, but is open to all Cambridge undergraduates,

postgraduates and staff with a good mathematical background.

EMPLOYERS ATTENDING

Aon Limited, Barclays Capital, Capital One Bank, Data Connection, EMB Consultancy LLP,

Goldman Sachs International, GCHQ, Institute of Actuaries, Mars & Co, Mercer HR

Consulting, MJC2 Ltd, PricewaterhouseCoopers LLP, Towers Perrin, Watson Wyatt LLP

The employers attending all have graduate opportunities that have mathematical or

statistical content sufficiently challenging to attract able mathematicians or physicists,

with roles in actuarial work, cryptography, complex modelling, meteorology, signal

processing and computational fluid dynamics.

Cambridge University Careers Service, Stuart House, Mill Lane, Cambridge www.careers.cam.ac.uk 32 THEATRE October 22, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

Ask the audience

Coming up for air LES LIAISONS Lisa Owens on an attempt to fuse the disparate worlds of theatre and science DANGEREUSES e Carl Djerassi’s play about the dis- department and a celebrated the- r Bethan Jenkins covery of oxygen may appear a atre tradition, there is no reason King’s College little daunting to the average arts at all not to unite what have student who has scanty scientific become – unnecessarily - binary It’s all about karma. For a long knowledge and no burning pas- opposites. Theat ADC play, they managed to hold it

sion for Chemistry. However, the So why is theatre the chosen y of together really well. It was a lit- es aim of this piece of theatre is not medium? As scientific develop- t tle dragged out at times, particu- simply to inform its audience on ments become more precise and larly the duel scenes; it needed a the history of the discovery that complicated, it is easy to forget Cour little more drama to it. Brilliant catalysed the Chemical the human impetus behind it all. acting - no weak performances. Revolution, but also to question Oxygen takes us back through Really fun, cool stage. the nature of science, the ethics Twenty-first century eyes, to the surrounding its practises, and the Eighteenth century, an era that way we shape history. pre-dates the periodic table, Hannah Lindon when science possessed none of King’s College the certainties it does today. It Aims to question focusses attention on the human It was well produced; they did the need for knowledge, our desire to right thing by setting it straight, the way we make sense of the world around in its own time, instead of trying us, and the relationships between to give it a modern setting. It was shape history those who strive for the same really Valmont and Tourvel who goals in an established patronage made it. The acting was brilliant, system. though at times a little wooden. Top Quark Productions, the Do not be put off by the jargon body behind Oxygen specialises and difficult concepts this play will in theatre relating to science. inevitably present. Before each This may initially seem rather performance, a talk will be given And another thing... specific and narrow as a genre, on the more specific scientific but when discussing its aims issues, which offers an entertain- Next week sees the opening of a dou- with the director of Oxygen, ing, as well as an informative back- ble bill by two contemporary Ingrid Jendrzewski, its appeal ground to the production for European playwrights, Nathalie became more apparent. The laypeople and scientists alike. Sarraute and Harold Pinter. chasm between arts and science Oxygen promises to be a probing, Produced by ACCENT, a theatre manifests itself nowhere so stark- dynamic and interesting produc- company which turned out A ly as it does at Cambridge, with tion, tackling philosophical ques- Streetcar Named Desire last year and separate lecture sites and admis- tions about the discovery of sci- Racine’s Phèdre in 2203, this promis- sions processes, but as ence, and the art of understanding. es to be a packed theatrical hour - the Jendrzewski (a Physics student, style of the two writers is so marked- with a degree in English) points At the ADC Theatre from 26th - ly different. Landscape/Elle Est Là is out, we have everything at our 30th October at 7.45pm at the ADC Theatre from 26th - disposal to begin to bridge the There is a reading of Calculus on 30th October at 11pm. gap. With a world-class science 30th October at 2.30pm Wil James as Bengt Hjalmarsson, a Swedish twentieth century chemist A Question of Attribution Burning out Martha Spurrier Alex Dawson Matilda Imlah on this week’s Smoker

Alan Bennett is best remembered for the Following their Edinburgh run of they are), it all seemed a bit too close to brilliant post-modern success of Talking Beyond A Joke, the Footlights were the bone in a university where there Heads, but he is also a prolific contem- back for their first Smoker of the seems to be such an under-representa- porary dramatist. A Question of term. As a Fresher, this was my first tion of ethnic minorities. Attribution considers the later life of experience of the Cambridge institu- For the most part though, the show Cambridge spy Anthony Blunt. tion that has produced Stephen Fry, produced a good selection of laughs. Homosexual, art critic, family man, spy, Hugh Laurie, John Cleese, Graham Some of the best moments came with aristocrat, Communist and Fellow of Chapman et cetera, et cetera. the finely detailed observational Trinity College, Cambridge; Blunt’s life Indeed, the only blemish on their humour of the Sports Commentator, is the stuff of drama. The always witty, record seems to be Nick Hancock. whose real name I cannot seem to find perceptive and self-effacing writing of But I suppose someone’s got to pres- for love nor money. He ran several Alan Bennett is ideal for Blunt’s Jekyll ent They Think It’s All Over, even if sporting clichés to their logical limits and Hyde character. we don’t have to watch it. and left them there for dead on the The empathy that director Tom Thankfully, this evening was a bit other side of the pain barrier. Leggett feels for Bennett’s creations was more Friday Night With Jonathan Ross, Another highlight was Ed evident in the extract of the play that we than the aforementioned programme - Coleman’s attack on the stereotypes saw – an understanding that is echoed by The debate over Titian’s Triple Portraitgives the play its name although it was by no means Have I that come with being fat (he was 16 the sensitive casting of Olivier Ward and simplicity of the production. theme is continued in the use of project- Got News For You. stone at the age of 18 and had the pho- Aidan Harris as the spy Blunt and gov- The setting of the intimate Corpus ed images throughout the play, blurring The show was kicked off well by tos to prove it.) It sounds preachy, but ernment inspector Chubb respectively. Playrooms will no doubt complement the distinction between the real and the Simon Bird with an intro-cum-poem it was, in fact, hilarious, bringing in The interaction of these two is extreme- the dynamics of this play. As one of the surreal as Blunt continually evades the about Wayne Rooney and why he both the horrors of the school sports’ ly faithful to Bennett’s text. Ward and central motifs of the piece it will be questions of his interrogator. would be a better dad than Tony Blair. day, Santa Claus and Jazzy Jeff. Harris are genuinely charming together, interesting to see the way in which Tom Leggett asserts the legitimate This was followed up strongly by a Unfortunately, there were too few and seem to anticipate the complex rela- Leggett conveys the boundaries between belief that Bennett is underrated and dialogue with Jesus, performed by moments of such hilarity. It’s not as if tionship that evolves between the two art and reality onstage. The deceptive underperformed as a casualty of the Tom Jonny Sweet. Like many of the every other sketch fell on its face. Only figures. Olivier Harris combines the nature of art is a direct vehicle for the Stoppard phenomenon. Leggett shows sketches, it trod the line between com- one, a dialogue between a New York effete and foppish insecurities of Blunt exploration of Blunt’s personalities, and an understanding of the text when he edy and controversy relatively well, cop and an informer, really floundered with a strength of character attuned to one which has great potential for direc- highlights the comedy and the intricacy even if a joke about Mary Magdalene about without a punchline or direction. the power play between him and the torial innovation (the title itself refers to of Bennett’s work. A passion for Bennett and Christ knocked the wind out of There were just far too many quiet poised Harris. The tense banter is unob- a conversation held between Blunt and and sympathy for the persecuted Blunt, some of the audience. moments where the material didn’t trusive but fluent and varied, and inject- H.R.H. Queen Elizabeth II concerning whose knighthood was revoked under Indeed, one of the worst Dead Baby quite hit the spot and left the audience ed with well-delivered humour. a supposed Titian which is not a “fake” the Thatcher government, promises an moments came from Nick Mohammed, feeling they had got less than the sum Leggett’s sense of dialogue-driven action but “wrongly attributed”). The fortunes absorbing portrayal. In short, it seems Simon Bird and Zack Simons. In a of the joke’s parts. makes for naturalistic viewing; the direc- of Blunt and his associates, the likely that A Question of Attribution will sketch dedicated to promoting their But when the material did press the tion is not revolutionary, but at the same Cambridge five, are paralleled in the run, and run (and run). new show, Diagnosis, they traded a few right buttons, it was very funny indeed. time it doesn’t really need to be. It shadows of the mysterious fourth and racial slurs. Even if they were meant as Well worth the entrance fee: just a few appears that the quality of performance possibly fifth figures that are only faintly At the Corpus Playroom from 26th - ironic, and even though the people lesser moments when this Smoker will prove enough to justify the overall traceable in the false Triple Portrait. The 30th October at 7.45 pm involved are not actually racist (I doubt smouldered rather than burned. www.varsity.co.uk October 22, 2004 THEATRE 33 Tragic? Heavenly Double Trouble The Cambridge Greek Play is the dramatic event of the term, Kay Drage near blank tableau that the distinction and last week’s production in the girls’ personalities is so striking. met with wide acclaim; but We have all have a friend who brings Imaginative, wealthy, exuberant Juliet Ross McElwain begs to differ. out the wild side of us; that person is the object of poor, dowdy Pauline’s who, having caught us up in their tor- fantasy, and their new-found attach- The Greek play happens only once every nado personality, can persuade us to ment to each other is a welcome relief three years and has tremendous do pretty much anything: the extra from the intense isolation of both. In resources. It ought to be great. But I did drink, the dare…your dual invincibili- their friendship they seek refuge from not like this year’s production. I find no ty. This is the premise on which Folie the rules imposed by an authority fault with the actors, who acquitted à Deux has been devised; the recogni- which makes no effort to understand themselves admirably, and I especially tion of the contagious madness of an them. Ostracised from conventional applaud the chorus for its performance. obsessively co-dependent friendship. doctrines of religion and morality, in The problem lay in the director’s The brutal murder of Mrs. Reaper the course of their game-playing the approach to staging the play. This of Christchurch by her fifteen year old girls create a fourth world, accessible Oedipus could not be sure if it wanted to daughter and best friend induced the only to them. However, their minds Make It New or remain faux-Classical. same reaction from the people of New are infected by the hyperbole of their The decision selectively to replace male Zealand in 1954 as did that of Jamie fantasies, leading to a fatal blurring of actors with female ones, for example, Bulger in England, 1993; anger, shock the real and the imagined. added nothing to this tragedy. If the and, moreover, absolute terror. In The possibilities of representing director had wanted to make her point both cases, blame was assigned and the girls’ excessive escapism are some- and make it well, she could at least the perpetrators of the crime similarly what limited on the stage, yet worked with an entirely female cast. punished. Barwell’s approach intelligently com- This aspect of the production, also the Yet the violation of childhood inno- bines the sense of spatial and mental decision to allow a kind of cence in ways so utterly unnatural has enclosure. The advantage of this is Shakespearean comic acting onto the left a lasting impression on both the challenge it sets for the audience, stage at times, ultimately served to nations, an enduringly unanswerable trapped as we are by the bias that undermine the unity of tone required of question of “why?”. Our minds can- Lucy Bond (left) and Lucy Barwell parting à deux arises from a complete lack of exter- such a taut piece of writing, making it not be reconciled to a reasonable wholly contrasting angle on the story been re-written since it was short-list- nal judgement into making a forced very difficult to feel in awe of the hero defence of these unspeakable atroci- in comparison with Peter Jackson’s ed as a finalist in the National Student individual verdict on what occurs in and supporting characters. Annie ties, though more disturbing is that film adaptation, Heavenly Creatures Drama Competition; the dialogue is the climactic final scene. Folie à Deux Castledine planted her foot more in the we will leave Folie à Deux convinced of (1994). To focus on what was most wholly original, and interspersed by explores the darker latent aspects of Make It New furrow than the Classical the plausibility of the antecedent believably “logical and real”, director Pauline’s narration of her authentic human nature, and promises not just one. The problem with this is that, for chain of events. The enrapturing Lucy Barwell hypnotises the audience diary entries and the psychiatrist to entertain but to bewitch its audi- many, the play was never Old. I hope “insanity of two” intoxicates the by immersing them in the psychology reports that were used as testimony at ences. Participation will be unavoid- that the next time the Greek play is pro- onlooker, and with all subtlety, a shad- of Juliet (Rachel MacDonald) and the girls’ trial. able, and most certainly uncomfort- duced, more thought will be given to ow of their own possible culpability Pauline (Lucy Bond). Simple lighting effects serve as suf- able. respecting the context and traditions of will inconspicuously seep into the The action is chronological, set ficient scene division, and the entirety the orginal play, rather than producing minds of the audience entirely within the four walls of one or of the dialogue is spoken by the two At the Corpus Playroom from 26th - an average piece of Modern Drama. In this respect the play takes a other girl’s bedroom. The script has protagonists alone. It is upon this 30th October at 7.00pm

Application deadline:Wedmesday 27th October 34 SPORT October 22, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

Late Oxford go home early Rugby boys run riot

Uni Table Tennis of success (promotion and Varsity vic- two games, to make the score 7-2. ber 8 for the same offence that had tory), Cambridge bore down on an Captain Steve Jones was candid in continued from back page been the source of his team’s only CAMBRIDGE 15 Oxford side who freely confessed that his summary of the afternoon’s event, points seemed to sum up, in a rather they were in a weaker position than in stating that “whilst the 15-2 final score The abrupt, illegal end that was ironic fashion, the conclusive shift in OXFORD 2 the previous year, taking a 3-1 lead was very pleasing, it’s a shame that the brought to the play by Cambridge fortunes. Even a swift breakaway Tom Burrell after the first set of games. games had to be forfeited”. Digesting dragging the maul down was ruthless- score, coming 2 minutes from the Jones looked on with admiration at the scorecard and fixtures played, he ly punished by the referee. As the restart, failed to galvanise them as the his side and boasted that Zhang, added that “he doubted the result penalty try conversion sailed over, it Blues ran in a try moments before the known affectionately as Stanley, had would have been any different if the seemed there was a long, hard break. IT SEEMED poignant that the actually been scouted when he had games had taken place”. evening’s work to come. The second half proved a scrappy, Cambridge University Table Tennis beaten Glyn Eggar in a college match Oxford trudged off disconsolate, The potential for the Blues to over- disjointed affair. The slick passing and Team’s inaugural match in the - and now that he was here, he was recognising that after two and half come this brute force through guile penetrative running that the crowd Premier South Division should be intent on keeping him. It hours stuck in and cohesion however became obvi- were afforded glimpses of earlier had against their old adversary, Oxford was evident why, as traffic they ous. A crisp lineout drill preceded a largely gone missing in action. The University. Less ceremonious and Zhang, had only delightful move by new man, Ed two Cambridge tries were the only fitting was that 8 of the 17 games Cambridge’s man- Carter, who stepped inside his man, highlights of particular note. The pre- would be forfeited by Oxford, result- no.1 seed, aged releasing Abiola into the corner for a cise execution of a move culminating ing in a final score of 15-2. tore into 45 score to haul back the Bees almost in Hughes’ second try highlighted the The forfeiting was on account of the Oxford. min- immediately. This was the start of a team’s proficiency in set-piece play. fact that Oxford Table Tennis team Zhang’s utes of dominance over his opposite number This followed Carter swatting aside arrived one and a quarter hours late, style is a a table that Carter was to maintain the entire tackles on a rampaging run to the line and thus the allotted 2 hours, which is rarity in the tennis game. He proved too much for former within a minute of emerging from the normally ample time to complete a fix- modern match Wales Under-21 Scott Williams in dressing room. ture, expired as the 9th game was com- game, holding before hav- terms of both power and pace The play lost much of its shape as pleted. Despite protesting with the the bat like a pen. ing to throughout. the Blues, a man down after Wheeler excuse that every under-motivated It was this unortho- embark on the While a shuddering tackle on was sent to the touchline, were forced worker loves to provide, the traffic was doxy and incisive counter- journey home. Dormer, as he attempted to run the into solid defence rather than thrilling horrendous, Oxford captain Rob attacking that saw him Whilst Jones was ball back from deep, served as a bursts. This was breached only once by Hansell conceded that BUSA rules comfortably defeat unquestionably mag- reminder of the physicality of the the Bee’s fly half as the game limped to state that opponents must account for Oxford’s no.4 seed, and nanimous towards his Midlanders, the Blues appeared to be an end. traffic and any games not played due edge out his no.1 counter- opponents, the recognition that close to discovering a fluidity that There had been more than enough to a late arrival will be forfeited. part in a sparkling tussle and dis- this had been a fantastic score was would decide the game. in the display to suggest that an attrac- Cambridge captain Steve Jones tac- play of attacking table tennis. unmissable from his expression. As the occasional nervy stray pass tive, and more importantly winning, tically rested himself and deployed the Fred Pauquay’s energy and aggression “This result sets us up excellently for the gradually disappeared from their play, combination of steel and silk could be four troopers who destroyed Oxford so were too much for his opponents, and he season, and with Stanley and Fred over- the opportunities for Abiola and woven together this season. The result emphatically in last year’s Varsity bagged a hat-trick of games before time whelming opposition so emphatically, I Desmond to raise expectations multi- left the Blues in a more upbeat mood, match: Yucheng Zhang, Fred Pauquay, was called on the fixture. Meanwhile, think we are really well placed to make plied. Tries for both and the final part whilst for the Bees the added publicity Glyn Eggar and last year’s skipper, Glyn Eggar’s attacking prowess and an impact on this division”. And if of the back three trio, the lively secured for their backer might prove Andy Sims. Andy Sims’ defensive proficiency and today’s luck and fortune continues, you Hughes, saw a healthy 23-7 lead open the most valuable thing to take from Riding the crest of last season’s wave dexterity saw them each win one of their wouldn’t disagree with him.andup. The sinbinningto of the Bees’chat num- the evening. to cur

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www.occstrategy.com Photo: William Scotton Photo: William www.varsity.co.uk October 22, 2004 SPORT 35

Girton expects, the rest hope and Sport In Brief

FENCING - The Men's 1sts got Trinity may spring a few surprises off to a comfortable, if not spectacu- lar, start in the BUSA Premier League on Wednesday, defeating Reading 132-93. Stand out perform- ances came from Dom O'Mahony in Foil and Danny Ryan in Sabre. The Women's 1sts do not start their BUSA campaign for another few Tom Burrell weeks but already Anna Robinson cups, Clare prevailed in the Plate, Ingram highlighted this fact when he able game of this year, appropriately has been successful. She finished 3rd while APU II succeeded in the shield. described the significant loss of players taking place on Halloween weekend, out of 120 fencers at the Bristol WE ARE told that part of the beauty Unfortunately, for all the heroes, to higher academic planes or careers, where the match between last year’s Open last weekend. The Men's 2nds of being a football fan is that regard- there are inevitably zeroes, and by provoking the old adage, “you win top two, Girton and St. Catz, draws suffered an unexpected 135-80 less of your teams’ fortunes the previ- Cambridge football was not without nothing with kids”. real and not fake seasonal blood. defeat at the hands of Birmingham ous year, each season commences with either last year. Special mention here Likewise, a transitional period for Finally, no prediction preview could in BUSA Division 1A. It is now the same hopes and aspirations of suc- should go to Long Road sixth-form St. John’s might well undermine their possibly be complete without some imperitive the 2nds beat UEA next cess, adulation and grandeur. This college, whose captain will need to title credentials. Whilst a number of arbitrary football analogy, made of all week if they wish to progress to the concept could not be better embodied concentrate more on his communica- freshers have evoked sanguinity and teams in the league. Aptly timed in the knockout stages. by the Cambridge University tion skills, as they succeeded in playing confidence, the loss of Blues’ players aftermath of Fresher’s week, all cap- Association Football League. The only 5 of their Division 1 fixtures and Hall, Harding and Lewis creates a tains were asked “if their football club David Beckham-like superstars who were deducted 2 points. Cambridge’s crater even the biggest optimist would were an alcoholic drink, what would HOCKEY - The Men’s hockey brought glory in yesteryear may grad- monarchy, Kings and Queens (II), struggle to suggest they could fill. they be, and why?” Blues failed to impress once again as uate and be replaced by freshers, who boasted 100% records, although 100% Downing, Fitzwilliam and Jesus will Girton’s Jamie Knibbs, likened his they fell to a 3-1 defeat away at have more in common with Carlton of matches ended in defeats, with once again be challenging for the top troops to Samichlaus, “because we’re at Formby. Rob Fulford scored the only Palmer than England’s most famous Queens II somewhat comically finish- three places, but this seasons’ dark least 10% stronger than anything else goal as Cambridge seem to be edg- “supposed” adulterer, Jeffery Archer ing with fewer points than they had at horse is Trinity. Despite only narrowly on the market”, whilst the extremely ing closer and closer to the bottom aside of course. (For those who had the start of the season. avoiding relegation last season, a mul- quotable St. John’s skipper decided of the table. The Wanderers lost 4-1 the misfortune of missing Carlton A football blooper compilation titude of promising freshers have “we play Champagne football and live to Peterborough, and the Nomads Palmer’s career, he was infamous for video of last season might not be that replaced a relatively weak collection of the life to match. Style, decadence and salvaged a little pride for Cambridge being the most incompetent player to over-subscribed, but if produced it graduates. This might enable Trinity sparkling chat are the hallmarks of this Hockey, as they drew 3-3 with Long ever don an England shirt). would doubtless include Caius’ to finally have a football side that can team”. After considerable contempla- Sutton. Yet as the cliché goes, football is a Graham Bates’ arrowed clearance on match the esteemed reputation that tion Downing’s Matt Ward saw his game of clichés, and you are only as to their unsuspecting Master’s head. Trinity possesses. sides’ reflection in a Snakey B Double good as your last game. So let’s sum- With drugs tests occupying more Predictions for this year forecast V, “greater than the sum of its parts, ATHELETICS - St. Catherine’s marise the ‘hots’ and the ‘nots’ of last and more column inches during the that the experience that Girton have and hides a vicious kick if you under- beat Trinity to take the men’s athlet- years’ football season. Premiership football seasons, the accumulated over the past year will estimate it”. However, first prize goes ics Cuppers this year with Robinson Undeniably hot were last season’s CUAFC executives might be tempted allow them to retain their league title, to Caius’ Nick Greenwood, who opted also sneaking ahead of last year’s Division 1 champions, Girton, who to investigate Girton’s use of dietary with Trinity to surprise many and for “a dirty pint – full of spirit, and winners, Trinity. Special mention boasted the only undefeated record in supplements in their title onslaught. prosper in Cuppers. Surely, no specu- comes back at you just when you think must go to Dan Bray, captain of the the top flight last year. If they were at Captain Jamie Smith reported “Greg lation need be made over the unmiss- you’ve got it under control”. CUAC, who secured 5 gold medals, the boiling point of Division 1, St. Smythe bossed the midfield against winning the 100m, 400m, 110m

Catz, although admittedly not as St. Catz after taking innumerable RU- dson hurdles, long jump and triple jump. scorching as in previous years, still hit 21 tablets to avoid a hangover after the In the women’s event, St. Catz sizzling temperatures that other teams Kestrels Varsity”. were beaten into second place by could only dream about, and were Despite the joy of romanticising Trinity in a very tight competition am Richar

pipped to the title by a single point. about past glories, the direction of dis- S which also saw Emmanuel finish in St. John’s form in Cuppers this year cussion must change from review to third place. Fresher, Phyllis Agbo, was matched only by their bravado preview and followers’ of CUAFC will managed to break the university and arrogance. When captain Mike not be surprised to hear that last sea- record for the 200m hurdles, while Gun-Why was asked to describe sons’ big hitters will again be expected also taking the gold in the 100m John’s retaining of that prestigious tro- to dominate proceedings. hurdles, shot put, javelin and long phy, he concluded that it demonstrat- Although the graduation transfer jump. ed a “show of red strength, the like of window has been relatively kind to which had not been seen since Girton, potential prospects from their Chairman Mao”. freshers’ youth system has not been so AND FINALLY.... Across the lower divisions, generous. However, the Girton camp WATERPOLO - The women’s Churchill, Sidney Sussex, APU II, is resounding, “you’re going to have to university waterpolo team defeated Hills Road II, Caius III and Trinity fight hard to take our title from us”. Birmingham University comfortably Hall II topped the remaining 6 divi- St. Catz’s relinquishing of their pre- 12 - 3 but their male counterparts sions, with Caius III gaining 8 victo- viously unrelenting grip on the title were less successful, losing 7 - 4. ries, securing the only 100% record might not turn out to be the minor across the leagues. Of the less coveted blip many are predicting. Captain Alex The top players struggle to play for College with their Blues commitments John’s plough on but Jesus keeping pace

College Rugby Arsenal of first division rugby. Fair Whilst the St.Catz captain, Nick from the game: “it was pleasing to see the drop, and so the result reflects play to Arsenal’s 49 unbeaten run, but Rusling had claimed the week before us play a more expansive and exciting poorly on Tit. Hall who have man- Alex Drysdale can anyone remember the last occa- that John’s “just maul it up the pitch”, game than John’s are often credited aged just five so far. sion when John’s lost a college league the fact that four of their six scorers with, thanks to a lot of hard work in With two games played, the season game? From the first kick off they were in the backs perhaps hints at a the pack and some great skill, vision is just starting to look interesting. DIVISION ONE rookies Girton revealed their superiority in every more intersting style of play. Tries and pace in the backs”. Whilst it seems only Jesus have the came into the John’s tie with a quali- department on the pitch and forced were scored by scrum-half Fitzgerald, If anyone is going to compete with ability to stop the John’s juggernaught fied optimism, having beaten Girton to concede possession, leaving Tom Dye and two for winger Jonno John’s this season they will have to from rolling on to a hat-trick of divi- Downing the week before and having their playmakers with no option but Murray. It seems that the John’s match them upfront and it seems that sion one titles, perhaps of more inter- been unbeaten last season at ‘Fortress to attempt to kick for position. It was ‘machine’ upfront simply wears teams the only team that might be able to est is the bottom of the table and the Girton’. This was allied with a hugely also a very professional perforamance down, with Girton’s pack conceding do this is Jesus, the other unbeaten relegation catfight. St.Catz and vocal and partisan crowd with one in that they showed no sign of arro- at least a couple of stone per player, team in the league. Jesus beat St Trinity Hall have now lost 2 from 2 Girton fan having splashed out £13 gance on the pitch, respecting the before using the pace of the centres to Catherines 34 - 13 in a convincing and pressure must be mounting on on an air horn from the Magic Joke opposition and taking nothing for devastating effect. display. They managed five tries in a their respective captains to chalk up shop in anticipation of a historic vic- granted. Girton skipper Andy Wiggan stat- lively match and the performance the first wins of the season. tory. For John’s however, stalwarts of St John’s did nothing too flashy. ed post-match “Coming into the may worry John’s, who hadn’t expect- Team Pl W L D F A PD Pts the top flight, this was to be business When confronted with penalties deep game with confidence after the ed any title contenders to emerge. 1 St. John’s 2 2 0 0 65 3 62 8 as usual coming off a convincing 25-3 in Girton territory, skipper Matt Downing match, we played to our Meanwhile, Downing eased early 2 Jesus 2 2 0 0 49 13 36 8 victory at Catz. This was not the first Maitland turned to number ten Ben standard and came away from the season relegation fears with a 24 - 5 3 Downing 2 1 1 0 29 17 12 5 time they had dispatched a promoted Smith who took the points. They just game with positive lessons to take win against Trinity Hall who will 4 Girton 2 1 1 0 12 40 -28 5 team with the wind in their sails. kept turning the screw and kept the into training”. John’s skipper, struggle to stay in the top flight this 5 Trinity Hall 2 0 2 0 5 44 -39 2 St. Johns are a quality outfit, the scoreboard ticking over. Maitland, also took many positives year. Downing are also trying to avoid 6 St. Catherines 2 0 2 0 16 59 -43 2 SPORT October 22, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk College Football Preview “For all the heroes there are inevitably zeroes” Page 35 Cambridge give Navy the Blues

University Football them look more like Navy squeals than Navy SEALS. dson CAMBRIDGE 2 Striker Rich Payne reversed roles ROYAL NAVY 1 with winger Jonny Hughes to deliver a teasing cross that the irrepressible am Richar Hughes headed wide. Minutes later S Sam Richardson Hughes himself delivered a tantalis- ing ball in, which Steve Smith volleyed over after the goalkeeper had THE BLUES bounced back from a flapped helplessly. With the Navy horrible defeat to sink the Royal seemingly all at sea, Payne then saw a Navy. A professional performance shot blocked and fresher Alex earned the deserved 2-1 victory, in a Coleman stung the keeper’s hands tense and hard-fought encounter. from twenty yards. Captain Jon Darby had rightly As the Blues continued to flood the described the 7-1 away defeat to the box, a goal seemed inevitable, and so Prison Service as ‘disgraceful’. In a it proved. Payne, whose strength fiery post-match dressing down, he troubled the Navy throughout the told the players, “We will become a game, picked up the loose ball on the team that wins games. Whatever it penalty spot, with his back to goal. takes. We will become a team that Taking advantage of a defender with plays football. Whatever it takes. We the turning circle of an aircraft carri- won’t back down from a challenge.” er, he spun and slid a right-foot shot With seven positions filled by dif- under the advancing keeper, to give ferent players, Darby was as good as the Blues a deserved lead on twenty The Navy’s keeper is left stranded as the Blues miss a golden chance to extend their lead his word, and the re-jigged line-up minutes. As the ball bobbled around in the dued the threat of Hughes and afterwards lost his bearings only for with the captain at centre-back The Navy then gradually built up box, Hughes brilliantly made himself Mugan, but allowed Smith and Lockwood’s lob to drift agonisingly seemed to do the trick. He respond- steam, proving themselves an assured space but mis-hit his shot. Coleman to have the better of the wide. Mike Adams, encouragingly ed, “after last week’s disappointing team on the deck, while the pacey Fortunately, the ball still found its scrappy midfield battle that constitut- sharp on his return from injury, performance and result it was Shaka Khan and Todd Sweeney way in off the post. The Navy seemed ed the second half. stretched the defence with a strong extremely important to get a positive patrolled the channels up front and dead in the water, and only made it The sides exchanged half-chances run before seeing his shot well saved result today. I was pleased with the helped the Navy come from behind through to half-time courtesy of some just after half-time, with Jonny just before the final whistle. work rate and committment from the on the half hour. Khan latched onto a dubious refereeing when the last Hughes firing into the side-netting, Following the Blues difficult start lads for the first 70 minutes or so.I high ball to cut inside the defence, defender hauled down Payne with a Sweeney shaving the post with a to the season, there must now be thought that the last twenty minutes forcing a brilliant one-handed save cynical challenge. deflected cross-shot, James more grounds for hope that this hard- we began to look a little bit jaded but from Duncan Heath, only for At half-time the Blues’ team talk Lockwood heading a free kick over earned victory will prove to be the we held out for the victory.” Sweeney to stab in the rebound. emphasised the need to score again to the bar for the Blues, and Roberts fir- turning of the tide. Darby promised, Following some unexplained Having conceded an equaliser put some clear water between the ing wide for the Navy after a strong “We’ll build on this result and delays, the sailors had eventually sur- against the run of play, Darby’s men teams, but any hopes that the second run from midfield. improve our fitness levels so we can faced for the match half an hour late. showed their character. A series of half would be plain sailing were Until they tired in the last fifteen sustain a good, attacking game Even before you could say ‘in the corners forced the Navy to put all thwarted. The Navy sealed their leaky minutes, it was the Blues who once throughout the 90mins. It’s early days Navy’, the servicemen were left floun- hands on deck, but eventually it was a flanks as their strikers came back to again took command. The Navy and with our coach, Dave Robertson, dering by bruising tackles from Chris hoisted diagonal cross by the skipper help in midfield when the Blues had keeper did well to cling onto Darby’s working with us regularly, I feel that Turnbull and Alan Spanos, that made himself that caused the breakthrough. possession. This change of tack sub- long-range free kick, but shortly we can only go forwards.” South Africans beat both British boats on the Zambezi Bees stung Olivia Day into silence

IN ZAMBIA, both Oxford and Cambridge were invited to participate University Rugby in the Zambezi Centenary Regatta, CAMBRIDGE 42 alongside two South African Rowing clubs, Rhodes and RAU. PERTEMPS BEES 21 There were two mens’ races and nei- ther of the British teams managed to Michael Henson make an impression. In the 500m, Cambridge beat Oxford but was left behind by both of the crews from WITH A name like Pertemps, you South Africa. The Light Blues had a would be forgiven for thinking that little more luck in the 2000m but were the team was from the South of beaten into second place by RAU, who France, playing free, running rugby completed a double, having won the and Gallic flair. In fact the name earlier race as well. alludes to the recruitment agency who Cambridge’s Ladies failed to make now sponsor a side formerly operating any impression though as they finished under the slightly less-alluring guise last in both of their races. Rhodes took of Birmingham and Solihull. both the Ladies 500m and 2000m and Ultimately what the Blues faced on left both of the British teams winless. the pitch also seemed considerably One of the British rowers, Ed less impressive than their name may Coode, mentioned that it was worrying have led them to believe. seeing crocodiles at such close quarters, A hefty Bees pack trotted out onto and said “we usually only see ducks.” Grange Road and within just a few However, this was no excuse for minutes powered a driven lineout up failing to win any of their races and fully 20 metres to the brink of the both British crews return with much Blues line. work to do. Cambridge starts the 2000m race well, but are unable to catch RAU and finish the race in second place -Continued: page 34 COLLEGE FOOTBALL REVIEW PAGE 35 TABLE TENNIS WIN PAGE 34 COLLEGE RUGBY UPDATE PAGE 35