HER KISSIN' COUSIN by Patricia Clapp

Her Kissin’ Cousin By Patricia Clapp

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HER KISSIN’ COUSIN By Patricia Clapp 2 HER KISSIN’ COUSIN

HER KISSIN’ COUSIN By Patricia Clapp

SYNOPSIS: It was going to be such a fun summer! Jodie Armstrong and Bruce Bartlett were going out, Mollie Farrell and Harry Ames were arm-in- arm. Of course, Jennifer Desmond wasn’t dating, but only because she didn’t want to and Tom Jackson wasn’t, but he really wasn’t the type. Tom wasn’t interested in dancing or tennis or clothes or any of the other things that absorbed his friends. But Tom was happy and the summer stretched ahead. Then, along came Lucy Lee Saunders, Mollie’s cousin, a little southern morsel from Tugboat, South Carolina. It didn’t take Lucy Lee more than a couple of eyelash flutters and a honeyed “y’all” to distract Bruce and Harry, thoroughly antagonize Mollie, Jodie, and Jennifer and leave poor inexperienced Tom hanging on the ropes. With a little help from the girls, Tom learns in one night how to ask a girl on a date, what to wear, where to go, and most importantly, who to ask. One interior set.

CAST OF CHARACTERS (4 female, 4 male)

JENNIFER DESMOND ...... An attractive seventeen year-old girl with a sort of “no nonsense” attitude. Dresses nicely. (241 lines)

JODIE ARMSTRONG ...... A high school friend of Jennifer’s, a little more impudent and lively. (240 lines)

MOLLIE FARRELL ...... Another friend of Jennifer’s, cut from the same pattern. (179 lines)

LUCY LEE SAUNDERS ...... Mollie’s cousin and guest. About seventeen, she is every inch a girl. She is curled, perfumed, manicured, dainty, dimpled, smiling, charming and oh, so very Southern! She is impeccably groomed but tends toward the ultra feminine in clothes, in marked contrast to the other girls. She clings to anything masculine and is, in general, the kind of girl other girls dislike on sight, and boys

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make fools of themselves over. (143 lines)

BRUCE BARTLETT ...... Jodie’s boyfriend, about eighteen. He is smooth, but certainly not in the “wolf” class. (93 lines)

HARRY AMES ...... Mollie’s boyfriend , about eighteen. (69 lines)

TOM JACKSON ...... The same age as the others, he is shy and presents a most unprepossessing appearance in the opening scenes. His clothes are wrinkled and carelessly worn. His hair is a mess and he walks a little round-shouldered, as though trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. His manner, his vice and his smile are engaging, and there is something very likable about him. (230 lines)

RANDOLPH FITZHUGH ...... Perhaps a year or so older than the others and extremely good-looking. He is subtly different from the other boys, a little more courtly in his manner, much less casual in his clothes. His accent is just as deep-south as Lucy Lee’s and he has a way of looking directly into the eyes of the person to whom he is speaking which the girls find most delightful. (70 lines)

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HAND PROPERTIES

ACT ONE

Jigsaw puzzle, spread out on card table Plate of cookies, with extra cookies off right Cushions on bench and sofa Record player Records Pencil and paper—shelves down right Tennis racquet—Jenni Tennis balls—on shelves Glass of water—off right for Bruce

ACT TWO

Plate of sandwiches—off right for Jodie Three girls’ bathing suits, towels, caps, etcenter Tennis balls Tennis racquet

ACT THREE

Tennis racquet—Tom

SOUND EFFECTS

Doorbell; Loud sound of car starting (an electric vacuum cleaner is placed inside a wooden barrel or large box); Door opening and closing

SET

Set circa 1960. The entire action takes place in Jennifer Desmond’s living room.

SYNOPSIS OF SCENES

ACT ONE:A late June afternoon. ACT TWO:Late morning, five days later. ACT THREE:The following morning.

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ACT ONE

Setting: Jennifer Desmond’s living room. A door down left leads to a hallway which leads to the front door, as well as to the upstairs, and other parts of the house. There is a large window, or two small ones, center back, which has drapes or Venetian blinds. Up right is a door to the kitchen.

Down right is a section of shelves or bookcase. Down right from the bookcase is an easy chair with hassock. There is a folding card table, with three chairs to the left of this, but these are removed and not used for ACT TWO/ACT THREE. Up center is a long bench with colorful cushions. Occasional chairs are on either side of the bench. A small, round table may be used on the left wall. Down left center is a sofa with end table and down left of that, is another occasional chair, right. The shelves/bookcase should be large enough to hold a record player, tennis racquet, boxes of games, knick-knacks, etc.

At Rise: Jennifer Desmond, Jodie Armstrong and Bruce Bartlett are working on a puzzle, which is spread out on the card table.

JENNI: (Picking up a piece of the puzzle.) I think I found her nose. BRUCE: Try it here. (He indicates a spot in the puzzle.) JODIE: (Watching.) That can’t be right; it doesn’t fit. Are you sure it’s her nose, Jenni? JENNI: Looks like a nose to me. BRUCE: Here, let me see. (He takes the piece from Jennifer and tries it around the puzzle.) No, this is a piece of the cow’s tail! There. (He fits it into place.) See? JENNI: (Unconcerned.) Nose—tail—what’s the difference? I just got the wrong end. BRUCE: It might not make a difference to you, but it’s pretty important to the cow. JODIE: The cow shouldn’t be so sensitive. JENNI: (Reaching to a small table down right for a plate of cookies.) Anyone want another cookie? Jodie? (She offers the plate.) JODIE: (Taking one.) Thanks. These are heavenly. Did your mother make them?

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JENNI: I’ll have you know that I made them! Bruce? (Offers him the plate.) BRUCE: Thanks. (Taking a handful.) I’ll probably die of food poisoning but they taste pretty good. JENNI: I’m flattered, I think. JODIE: That’s what you said when you tasted the fudge I made for you last week. BRUCE: No, that tasted more like shoe polish. JODIE: Remind me never to make anything for you again, Bruce Bartlett. You’re horrible! BRUCE: And you love me dearly. I know. JENNI: Speaking of happy couples, who are we going to find to take out Mollie’s cousin this summer? JODIE: What about this cousin anyway? When is she getting here? JENNI: I don’t know, she was supposed to get here this morning. Mollie said they’d stop by this afternoon. BRUCE: What kind of a cousin is it? JODIE: I didn’t know there were different kinds. JENNI: Well, her name is Lucy Lee Saunders— BRUCE: (Rises. Takes another cookie; goes left to sofa.) Oh no! One of those females with two first names? They’re all impossible—Ellie May, Mary Lou, Betty Jane, Lucy Lee— JODIE: You’ve got that right. BRUCE: (Flopping on sofa.) You wait—you’ll see. JENNI: That’s her name, like it or not. She’s Mollie’s cousin, only Mollie hasn’t seen her since they were five or six. JODIE: (Still looking for pieces of the puzzle.) Where is she from? JENNI: Tugboat, South Carolina. BRUCE: No way, there’s a town called Tugboat? JENNI: Yep. BRUCE: That’s as bad as Idiotville, Oregon. (Feel free to insert any silly town name that may be in your state [i.e. Bread Loaf, VT; Cocked Hat, DE; Crapo, MD; Embarrass, MN; Worms, NE; Camel Hump, WY Humptulips, WA; Bacon, GA; Left Hand, WV; Smut Eye, AL; Two Egg, FL; Hot Coffee, MS; Knob Lick, MO; Noodle, TX; Toad Suck, AR Elephant Butte, NM; Hygiene, CO; Tea, SD; Whatcheer, IA; Oblong, IL; Atomic City, ID; Square Butte, MT; Buttermilk, KS;

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Ding Dong, TX Wimp, CA; Snowflake, AZ; Tingle, NM; Gas, KS; Concrete, ND.]) JODIE: What’s she like? JENNI: Mollie says all she can remember is a pale, shy little girl with straight hair and freckles. BRUCE: Sounds lovely! How long is she going to be around? JENNI: (Rises. Puts plate of cookies on shelf down right.) About a month, I think. Now, getting back to my original question, who’s going to take her out? (Crosses above table to center.) BRUCE: With advance publicity like that—nobody. JODIE: Oh Bruce—can’t you think of someone? BRUCE: (Rises. Crossing center left near Jenni.) Look, what do you want me to do? Walk up to one of my friends and say, “Hey, how’d you like a date with a pale, shy, freckle-faced, straight- haired girl with two first names from Tugboat, South Carolina?” You think I’m crazy? (Crosses below card table to shelves down right.) JENNI: (Laughing.) She may have changed. (Sitting on bench below window center.) BRUCE: Well, she couldn’t have gotten any worse. But I’m not going to push her off on one of my friends. JODIE: How about Tom? JENNI: Tom Jackson? JODIE: Sure. He’s shy too, and sort of freckle-faced and not exactly well-groomed. They might make a good pair. JENNI: But Tom’s so nice! I like him. JODIE: (Fitting piece in puzzle.) So do I, but he’s not exactly a-hunk- a-hunk of burning love. BRUCE: (Taking can of tennis balls from shelf.) That’s all you girls care about . . . looks. JODIE: (Flippantly.) Oh no. Sometimes we think about money. That’s why I’m dating you—you’re so rich. BRUCE: Yeah, Millionaire Bartlett they call me. At the moment, I have exactly eighteen cents to last me until Thursday. Where would you like to go tonight? JODIE: Let’s stay home and share a glass of lemonade. BRUCE: Fine. I’ll splurge on the straws. JODIE: It’s a date!

The doorbell rings.

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JENNI: (Calling.) Come in. (To Bruce and Jodie.) That’s probably Mollie and her cousin now. (Rises. Starts to door down left.) BRUCE: Be still, my heart! JENNI: (Calling.) Mollie? TOM: (Appearing in the doorway down left.) No, it’s me, Tom.

Tom Jackson is shy, but smiles engagingly.

JENNI: Hi, Tom. Come on in. Do you like jigsaw puzzles? JODIE: Hi, Tom, we were just talking about you. BRUCE: Yeah, come in and protect yourself, boy. (Flops in chair down right.) The girls are plotting against us. JODIE: Bruce! JENNI: (Indicating chair left of the card table.) Pull that chair up, Tom. Want a cookie? (Getting cookies from shelf. She offers him the plate as he sits down.) BRUCE: Look out, they’re just fattening you up for the sacrifice. TOM: (Taking a cookie.) Thanks, Jennifer. (Jenni leaves cookie plate on card table.) Who’s plotting what? BRUCE: Don’t believe her, Tom. They’re planning to throw you to a gruesome female named Lucy Lee who lives on a Tugboat. TOM: Me? JENNI: (Sitting in chair right of card table.) Tom, don’t listen to Bruce. It’s Mollie Farrell’s cousin. You know, the one from that little town down south who’s visiting Mollie this summer. We just thought maybe you’d like to go out with her. TOM: Gosh—thanks, Jenni, but I don’t date much. JODIE: We know you don’t but we think you should. TOM: I—I never know what to say to girls. JENNI: Oh Tom, that’s silly! Why, you and I have talked together for hours at a time. BRUCE: I bet Jenni did all the talking. TOM: No, she didn’t. But Jenni’s different. Other girls just—well, they look at me and—and I can’t think of anything to say. BRUCE: Just tell ’em they’re beautiful. That’ll keep them happy for hours. JODIE: (To Bruce.) Why don’t you try it sometime? BRUCE: Father, I cannot tell a lie. JODIE: (Pushing away from table, crosses to sofa. Sits.) Beast!

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JENNI: (Trying to appear nonchalant. Rising, passes Tom the last cookie, which he takes.) Well, it was just an idea. We thought it would be more fun if Lucy Lee had someone to take her out, that’s all. TOM: It’s nice of you guys to think of me, but you can find somebody better than me. (Jenni exits UP RIGHT with empty plate.) BRUCE: You’ve got it made, Tom. Now look at me! Jodie does nothing but nag at me all day. Henpecked already, and I’m still so young! JODIE: (Throwing a cushion at him which he catches.) Nagging is too good for you. BRUCE: (Putting the cushion comfortably behind his back.) I welcome any little attention.

Jenni re-enters with more cookies. She puts them on the card table. The doorbell rings.

JENNI: I suppose I should answer it instead of just yelling at people. I’ll be right back. (She crosses below sofa to door down left, exits.) JODIE: I don’t know why we’re worrying about a date for Lucy Lee— how about a date for Jenni? BRUCE: Jenni Desmond could date anyone she wanted to. TOM: Why doesn’t she? BRUCE: Don’t ask me. I never pretended to understand girls—I just like ‘em. JODIE: She just doesn’t seem to be interested in anyone. I mean not in anyone special . . . maybe she’s got the right idea. BRUCE: (Pulling the cushion from behind his back and holding it ready to throw at her.) Want your cushion back?

Mollie, Lucy Lee, Jenni and Harry Ames enter down left. Mollie is, like Jennifer and Jodie, an attractive high school girl. Harry Ames is also typical, although at the moment he is wearing a particularly vacuous expression. He looks as though he was walking around in a deliriously happy dream. The reason, obviously—since he can’t take his eyes off her—Lucy Lee Saunders. Whatever she may have been as a child, she is startling lovely now. Impeccably groomed and more stylishly dressed than any of the other girls, she is curled, perfumed, manicured, dainty, dimpled, smiling, charming and oh, so Southern!

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Her accent is honey-sweet. As they enter, Bruce drops his jaw and the cushion simultaneously, and even impervious Tom looks as though he were suddenly seeing stars.

MOLLIE: (Crossing down left of sofa, followed by Lucy Lee.) Hi, everybody. JODIE: Hi, Mollie. Hi, Harry. MOLLIE: This is my cousin, Lucy Lee Saunders. (Tom rises, crosses above chair down right.) JODIE: (Rising.) Hello, Lucy Lee, it’s so nice to meet you. I’m Josephine Armstrong, but everyone calls me Jodie. LUCY: (Crossing to Jodie; gushing.) What a simply darlin’ name! I’m delighted to meet you. MOLLIE: And this is Bruce Bartlett. BRUCE: (Rising, crossing to Lucy Lee, taking her hand.) Little Lucy Lee Saunders! The South has risen again. LUCY: My, you big No’thern boys do say the cutest things! BRUCE: Only to the cutest girls. JODIE: (Breaking it up.) And this is Tom Jackson, Lucy Lee. LUCY: (Turning to Tom, who is speechless.) Tom Jackson! Why, that’s a right famous old Southern name. Thomas Jonathan Jackson. I’ll just have to call you Stonewall! I’m sure you must be kin to our famous general. TOM: (His voice croaking slightly.) I—I’d sure like to be. JENNI: (Who has been standing inside door, now crosses to chair down left.) Well, let’s all sit down, shall we? LUCY: (Moving to center of sofa.) Why, thank you, Jennifer. All you nice friends of Cousin Mollie’s are just bein’ so sweet to little old me. (She seats herself gracefully and Bruce and Harry push each other in an effort to sit next to her. Tom takes chair down right, Jodie sits chair left of card table, Mollie sits above center at card table.) BRUCE: (Picking the cushion up from the floor.) Wouldn’t you like this cushion at your back, Lucy Lee? LUCY: Why, thank you, Bruce. I do appreciate that. (Bruce dusts the cushion violently and then solicitously tucks it at her back. Jodie eyes the procedure with disfavor.) You’re just a lamb to be so kind. BRUCE: Oh, it’s nothing, really. JENNI: Did you have a good trip, Lucy Lee?

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LUCY: Oh, I certainly did! Why, ever’body was so sweet to me— they carried my heavy old bags, and ever’thing. JODIE: (With a trace of acidity.) I’m sure they did. HARRY: (Who has finally regained the power of speech.) I went to the station with Mollie to meet Lucy Lee, and when she got off the train she had two porters, the conductor, an Army colonel and three midshipmen carrying her things. JODIE: (Innocently.) Was there enough to go round? LUCY: Well, do you know that what it took all those men to carry for me, Harry managed all by himself? Why, he’s just the strongest man I’ve ever met. HARRY: (Blushing happily.) Oh, they weren’t so heavy! JODIE: (Exchanging a look with Mollie.) Oh, Harry eats his Wheaties every morning. HARRY: Well, we athletes have to keep in training, you know. LUCY: Oh, Harry, are you an athlete? How thrillin’! Are you on the football team? MOLLIE: (Cruelly honest.) The third string. LUCY: Third string? I never heard of that position. Is that like halfback? JODIE: More like way back. LUCY: I think you all are teasin’ little old me. I don’t really know much about sports, I’ve always been rather delicate. ‘Bout the only game I play is tennis. I do hope you all will play with me. BRUCE: Well—gosh, I’m afraid we don’t play tennis Lucy Lee. Except Jenni, she’s pretty good at it. HARRY: (Eagerly.) But I’d sure like to learn, Lucy Lee. Maybe you could teach me. LUCY: I don’t think I’d be a very good teacher, Harry. I’m just too soft-hearted to hurt people’s feelin’s by correctin’ them. BRUCE: Do you like to dance, Lucy Lee? LUCY: Oh, I just adore dancin’! Do you like to dance Stonewall? TOM: (A little startled at being suddenly addressed.) Me? Oh, I’m not very good at it. LUCY: Oh, I bet you’re just bein’ modest! Why, nobody named Stonewall Jackson could help bein’ a gallant southern gentleman, and all gallant southern gentlemen are just divine dancers! (Pronouncing it “gal-lant.”)

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JODIE: Oh, Tom’s a gallant (Pronounces “gallant” the same way as Lucy Lee.) southern gentleman, all right. Why, he was born in South Fenwick. LUCY: South Fenwick? Is that in South Carolina? JODIE: No, it’s about two miles north of here. LUCY: Oh, Jodie, sugar, you’re just a tease! JENNI: Maybe Lucy Lee would like some cookies, Jodie. HARRY: (Reaching the plate before Jodie has a chance.) Yes, have a cookie, Lucy Lee. LUCY: My, they do look delicious. I’ll have just one little bitty one. (She takes one and nibbles at it daintily. Harry puts plate on end table right of sofa.) JODIE: (Proudly.) Jenni made those herself. LUCY: (Unimpressed.) Really? My Mama doesn’t like me to work in the kitchen. She says a lady’s place is in the drawin’ room. But I guess it’s different way up north here. JODIE: (With feeling.) It’s a lot different! LUCY: Yes, that’s what my Mama said. She wanted me to travel a little and see some other parts of the country. And she thinks I’m just too delicate for our hot South Carolina summers. BRUCE: (Seriously.) They must be very hard on anyone as little and frail as you. LUCY: Well, that’s what my Mama says, too. Of co’se, our lovely old house is right near the water, but even so, Mama says I just get so listless and tired out durin’ the summer at home. HARRY: Well, this good northern air will fix you right up. LUCY: I’m sure it will. I feel marvelous already. Of course, I might as well tell you, another reason Mama wanted me to get away for a while was because of Randolph. MOLLIE: Randolph? LUCY: Randolph Fitzhugh. He was a beau of mind down home and he got so persistent—well, I just didn’t know what to do about him. JENNI: Persistent? LUCY: Yes. He just wanted me to marry him right then and there. BRUCE: Well, you can’t blame him for that. LUCY: Oh, you’re a sweet lamb, Bruce honey, but you see, my Mama doesn’t think I’m nearly old enough to consider marriage yet. Of course, Randolph is frightfully eligible and all that, and maybe later— MOLLIE: Are you in love with him, Lucy Lee?

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LUCY: Oh my, I don’t know. Of co’se, he has perfectly beautiful manners, and he’s a real southern gentleman, and of co’se his family is terribly rich, but—I just don’t know. I guess I’m just a silly little butterfly. HARRY: Well, if I had been this Randolph character, I wouldn’t have let you go! LUCY: Oh, Harry sugar, you are too kind. Perhaps if it had been you I wouldn’t have been so unsure of myself. Of co’se, Randolph swore that he would follow me—to the very ends of the earth, he said—wasn’t that romantic? JODIE: (Thoughtfully.) I’ve often wondered about that. If the earth is round, where are the ends? LUCY: (Ignoring her.) So here I am—just wished on my darlin’ kinfolk! They hardly had a thing to say about it. My Mama gets real determined sometimes. JENNI: (Rising, crosses above sofa, gets plate of cookies, passes to Jodie and Mollie.) How long are you planning to stay, Lucy Lee? (Goes above card table, offers cookies to Tom, then sits on chair right of card table. Puts cookies on card table.) LUCY: (With a roguish smile.) Just as long as Cousin Mollie can put up with me. I do think kinfolk should have good long visits, don’t you? And after all, I haven’t seen Cousin Mollie nor precious Aunt Jane nor dear old Uncle Bill for ages. Not since I was a teeny weeny girl. BRUCE: (Gallantly.) You’re still not very big. LUCY: Randolph says I’m like a little Barbie doll. BRUCE: I’m the kind of boy who always liked dolls. LUCY: I’m expandin’ my horizons, why, do you know I’ve never been out of South Carolina befo’a? Isn’t that simply terrible? I have so much to learn. Why, I just don’t know anything at all! MOLLIE: About what, Lucy Lee? What don’t you know anything about? LUCY: I don’t know anything really impo’tant. Down home, people believe that women should be sheltered and protected, but I don’t believe that’s right. I want to live! JODIE: Is that what you’re planning to do up here? Live! LUCY: Well, in a nice way, naturally. I want to learn about life! I want to learn all about men—and women, too, of co’se. JODIE: Of course.

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JENNI: I don’t imagine men and women—and life—are much different here than in South Carolina, Lucy Lee. BRUCE: The men are. Men around here would never let Lucy Lee get away, even for a visit. LUCY: I do declare, Bruce, you no’thern boys are sweet-talkers! I don’t know where you learn to say such charmin’ things. BRUCE: You just inspire them, Lucy Lee. JODIE: (Tartly.) We certainly don’t. LUCY: Do people—‘go steady’—up here? Are any of you goin’ together? JODIE: (With a sidelong glance at Bruce.) Well, there was a rumor to that effect. BRUCE: (A little uncomfortable.) Some people do, Lucy Lee. I always thought it was a little—you know—juvenile—for young people to restrict themselves to just one other person. JODIE: Oh? This is the first I’ve heard of it. LUCY: And how do you feel about it, Harry? Goin’ steady, I mean. HARRY: (Not as brave as Bruce.) Oh, it’s—I guess it’s all right for some people. MOLLIE: It sure is. HARRY: (His back up.) But then again, everyone ought to know a lot of different people, don’t you think so? They need a—sort of basis for comparison. LUCY: I think you’re entirely right. MOLLIE: I’m beginning to feel something like an earthquake. JODIE: It’s only the world turning upside down. Don’t give it a thought. LUCY: (Rises, crossing below card table to hassock; sits at Tom’s feet.) Stonewall, you’re just not saying anything. TOM: (Coming out of a trance.) Me? Oh, I don’t have much to say. LUCY: You’re the strong, silent type—I can just tell. But how do you feel about goin’ steady? TOM: Well, I—I never thought much about it, I guess it would be all right—with the right person, I mean. LUCY: And have you found the right person, Stonewall? TOM: I—I—well, maybe. I hope so. LUCY: (Turns to others, fluttering eyelids.) Why, I do believe he means me! Isn’t that cute? He’s all embarrassed! TOM: (Miserably.) No, I’m not.

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LUCY: (Turning back to Tom.) Oh, you can’t fool Lucy Lee. I know your kind. TOM: I wasn’t trying to fool you, honestly. I’ve—well, I’ve just never gone out much with girls. LUCY: I bet you’re scared to death of them, aren’t you? TOM: Not scared, no. LUCY: (Leaning toward Tom, who shows his discomfort.) Are you scared of me, Stonewall? You shouldn’t be scared of me. I wouldn’t hurt a fly—would I Bruce? Would I, Harry? JENNI: Tom, Lucy Lee’s just teasing you. LUCY: (Rises. Crosses between Jenni’s chair and Tom’s.) Why, Stonewall, Jennifer’s standin’ up for you! Isn’t that sweet? I bet she’s secretly in love with you. JENNI: Lucy Lee! LUCY: (Sitting on left arm of Tom’s chair.) I just bet you’re not nearly as shy as you look, Stonewall. Would you like to have a date with me sometime? TOM: Why—yes, I’d like that, Lucy Lee. May I? LUCY: Maybe you can. Maybe that would be real fun. TOM: (Eagerly.) When, Lucy Lee? Soon? LUCY: (Rises quickly, swings around card table to center position of stage. With a cold, cruel little laugh.) Well, you’ll have to learn a few things first, Stonewall. When I go out with a guy, I like him to know how to dance, and how to play tennis, and how to be—real entertainin’ to the girls. Think you could learn all that? TOM: (Boldly.) Would you teach me? LUCY: (Lightly.) Why, Stonewall, you must think I haven’t anything to do but play teacher to little boys! No, I’m afraid I couldn’t be bothered, but you just let me know when you’ve learned all those things, and then maybe I’ll go out with you. In the meantime, (She beams first at Bruce and then at Harry.) I’ll just have to make do with these two charmin’ gentlemen. BRUCE: Well, for one—I’ll make it real easy for you, Lucy Lee. LUCY: I’m sure it will be delightful. In fact, I think this whole visit is going to be delightful. I’m just lookin’ forward so much to seein’ this sweet little town and to meetin’ all the people. I just know they’ll by charmin’. But I expect I’ve met the very nicest ones right here in this room.

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BRUCE: (Rising, crossing to Lucy Lee.) If you’d like to see the town, Lucy Lee, I’d be happy to take you out for a ride right now. My car is here. LUCY: Oh, do you have your own car, Bruce? How simply thrillin’! I’d just love to go. What kind of a car is it? JODIE: Bruce and I call it the Heinz 57 Special. He made it out of parts of other cars from the junkpile. LUCY: (Momentarily daunted but rallying quickly.) Why, isn’t that clever, makin’ his own car! Why, down home all the boys—at least the ones I go with—just have plain old Cadillacs and things. This is so much more excitin’. (The three girls at the table exchange knowing glances.) BRUCE: Well, it’s a little noisy, but it gets there. Shall we go? LUCY: (Crossing below sofa down left, followed by Bruce.) I’d be delighted. That is—if Cousin Mollie won’t mind my leavin’ her for a little while. MOLLIE: (Coolly.) That’s quite all right, Lucy Lee. Go ahead. HARRY: (Rising, joining Bruce and Lucy Lee.) I think I’ll go along for the ride, while Bruce drives, I can point out the sights. BRUCE: (Hastily.) Oh, that’s all right, Harry, don’t bother. HARRY: It’s no bother, Bruce, old boy. I wouldn’t want you to be distracted while you drive. JODIE: No. Perish the thought. LUCY: Well, that’s fine then. I’ll have two handsome boys to show me around. BRUCE: We’ll be back sometime, Jodie. JODIE: Thanks a bunch. LUCY: Oh, by the way. Would you like to come, Stonewall? BRUCE: (Quickly, as Tom starts to rise.) It’s a very small car, Lucy Lee. LUCY: Oh. Well then, I might see you later, Stonewall. TOM: (Eagerly.) I’ll be here. LUCY: Then let’s go, I’m so anxious to see this pretty little town. (She puts a hand through the arm of each boy.) I just never had two such gallant escorts before! MOLLIE: (Glaring at Harry.) Nor such willing ones. LUCY: Oh, they’re always willin’, Cousin Mollie, honey. I don’t know why, but they’re always willin’.

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She exits triumphantly, a swain on each arm. From outside, there is a deafening roar as they start Bruce’s car. Inside, there is dead silence. Tom has crossed to the window, where he stands watching longingly.

JODIE: (Presently.) So you have a pale, freckle-faced, shy little country cousin, have you? Well, I just hope you enjoy every minute of her nice long visit. MOLLIE: Oh, Jodie, what am I going to do? JODIE: Well, let’s see. There’s arsenic, and ground glass in the garage, and just plain strangling with your bare hands— JENNI: (Crossing to sofa, fixing cushions with venom. Sits.) I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone so annoying. JODIE: One of those impossible females with two first names that Bruce can’t stand. MOLLIE: (With a faint shred of loyalty.) Maybe she doesn’t mean everything she says. JENNI: I can’t see that that makes it any better. Why, she talked to Tom like— TOM: (Sits below window, facing front, dreamily.) She’s lovely, isn’t she? JENNY: Oh, Tom! TOM: I never met a girl like her before. JODIE: Thank heavens! JENNI: (Despairingly.) Do you really think she’s nice, Tom? TOM: Nice? She’s exciting and beautiful and different and frail and helpless. JODIE: She’s about as helpless as a rattlesnake. TOM: That’s mean, Jodie. I suppose girls can’t help being jealous of her because she’s so pretty, but you shouldn’t be mean to her. MOLLIE: (Crossing to Tom. Sits RIGHT of him.) Tom, you’re behaving just like Bruce and Harry. Can’t you see that she—she’s just collecting scalps? That she wants every boy she meets to fall all over her because she thinks it’s fun? TOM: Oh, I don’t think she’s like that, Mollie. She was just pleased that both Bruce and Harry wanted to take her out because she liked them both. If the car had been a little bigger she would have let me go, too. JENNI: “Let” you go—oh, Tom!

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MOLLIE: But you didn’t notice her suggesting that Jodie or Jenni or I might like to go, did you? TOM: Well, it wouldn’t be any fun for you to see the town—you live here. JODIE: I might add that Bruce and Harry live here, too. And you. TOM: But that’s different. We’d be showing her around. JODIE: I don’t think there’s much that anyone can show her. TOM: I wish I could take her out sometime. JODIE: What’s stopping you? TOM: Oh, Jodie, you heard her— JENNI: We sure did! TOM: She’d never go out with me. I can’t do any of the things she likes to do. Why, I can’t even talk to her intelligently— MOLLIE: I don’t think, “intelligently” is quite the word. TOM: (Rises, coming down center.) Lucy Lee deserves someone who can do all the things she was talking about—dance, and play tennis, and—and entertain her. I can’t do any of those things. And she’s clever, too. She knew just by looking at me that I couldn’t. JODIE: Bruce doesn’t play tennis either, but it didn’t seem to stop him. JENNI: Tom, she talked to you so rudely. Doesn’t that bother you at all? TOM: (Crossing to Jenni.) I don’t think she meant to be rude, Jenni. She was just pointing out the obvious. JENNI: (Impatiently.) Oh, Tom, there’s no getting through to you, is there? TOM: (Scarcely hearing her, sitting on sofa, right of Jenni.) I just wish I could learn how to dance and play tennis so I could go out with her. JODIE: You might as well give up, Jenni. This boy has had it. TOM: I never thought much about it before—about going with girls, I mean. But you know, I don’t have one single thing to offer her. MOLLIE: You’re a male. JODIE: Don’t be obvious, Mollie. TOM: I mean it seriously, Mollie. There’s nothing I can do—there’s nothing that I own—worth offering someone like Lucy Lee. JODIE: Your father does own a plain little old Cadillac which he lets you drive. TOM: Jodie. Lucy Lee’s not impressed by Cadillacs. You heard her.

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JODIE: Yes, I heard her. TOM: Mollie, how long will Lucy Lee be here, do you think? A month? JODIE: If we don’t kill her first. MOLLIE: I guess so, why? TOM: Look, don’t laugh at me—I’m serious. Do you think I could take dancing lessons and—and tennis lessons, and like that—and learn anything in a month? MOLLIE: (Rising, coming down center to Tom.) Probably, it would be expensive though. JODIE: (Pulling her chair in closer to the group.) Tom, are you serious? Do you really want to date that—that scheming little Tugboat Annie enough to spend time learning things just because she suggested it? TOM: I know it’s probably hard for you guys to understand, but yeah—when she started pointing out the things that I couldn’t do— well, she’s right, I’m boring. I just want to show her. JENNI: I see, Tom. TOM: It would be nice to be smart enough to date her. JODIE: Let’s leave smartness out of it. MOLLIE: (Crossing left above, sits down on left arm of sofa, gazing toward door down left.) From a purely selfish point of view, I wish you were all those things too, Tom. Then maybe my dear sweet cousin would leave good ole Harry alone. JODIE: And good ole Bruce, too. TOM: Jenni, how much do you think tennis lessons would cost? JENNI: Oh, I don’t know, Tom. Anyone who knows how to play could teach you—it doesn’t have to be a professional. Maybe somebody would teach you for nothing. TOM: But I don’t know anyone who plays except you. JENNI: Well, if you think I’m going to teach you just so you can play with Lucy Lee Saunders, you’re crazy! MOLLIE: (Rising, crosses to door down left.) Jenni, you know— there’s the beginning of an idea there. JODIE: Where? I don’t see any. From where I sit the future looks very dark. MOLLIE: If Tom could learn to do all those things—dancing, and tennis—and—and everything—maybe he could really set Lucy Lee back on her heels.

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JODIE: Tom? You mean take her away from Bruce and Harry? Put them right out of the picture? Stop dreaming, Mollie. Lucy Lee likes a lot of strong, handsome no’thern boys around. MOLLIE: (Coming to chair down left, thoughtfully.) But if Tom was taking up all her time—and making her like it— TOM: I don’t think so, Mollie. MOLLIE: (Sitting in chair down left.) Maybe. But boy, I’d certainly like to hang on to Harry. JODIE: Maybe we should acquire a sweet southern drawl. TOM: It would sure make me feel good though, wouldn’t it be nice to say “Lucy Lee, how about going dancing tonight?” or “Lucy Lee, I’ll pick you up to play tennis this afternoon.” JENNI: (Looking at Tom musingly.) The tennis and dancing would be easy enough—you could teach him to dance, Mollie, you’re a great dancer—and I could handle the tennis. He’d have to learn to—to sort of flirt a little, to make small talk and relax a little more with girls. I don’t know whether we could manage that or not. (She rises.) Stand up, Tom. TOM: Me? JENNI: Yes, you, stand up. (He does so.) Now turn around. (She walks slowly around him, looking at him critically.) Tennis and dancing would make you stand up straighter—you’re nice and tall when you stand up straight—we’d have to do something about your clothes, we have to go shopping, Tom. TOM: New clothes? My mother’s always buying new clothes for me, I just never wear them, I’m more comfortable in this. JENNI: Well, they may be comfortable, but they don’t do anything for you. MOLLIE: Jenni, what are you doing? JENNI: (Reaching up and smoothing Tom’s hair.) You’re going to have to start combing your hair, too. TOM: Oh, I guess I forgot to comb it this morning. JENNI: (Crosses to hassock.) Well, from now on, you’ll have to remember. We’ll make you a morning check list. MOLLIE: We will? JENNI: Yes. I don’t trust his memory. JODIE: What’s the plan, Jenni? JENNI: (Sitting on hassock.) We’re going to make Tom into the sort of person he wants to be. If we all work together, we should be able to do it in a week. Of course, he won’t have time for anything

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else while we’re helping him. He’ll just have to turn himself over to us. MOLLIE: Are you serious? JENNI: Why not? Look. Lucy Lee has described a certain kind of boy she likes. Tom feels that he isn’t like that, but he’d like to be. She doesn’t think he ever can be, and she’s going to tease him about it every time she sees him. But—he can be and if we help him, I think he will be. Next, you two are worrying about your poor little lambs who have gone astray. Maybe, if we can turn Tom into a sort of social superman, he can send your little lambs home. That’s the second thing. Next—with all due respect, Mollie, it would be nice to see your dear little cousin put in her place. I think Tom is too smart to waste much time on her once he gets to know her—I’m just hoping that we can turn Tom into something that any girl would swoon over and then have the pleasure of watching him dump Lucy Lee by the roadside. JODIE: (Turning chair, facing Jenni.) Well! You have it all planned, don’t you? MOLLIE: (Rising, crossing below Jodie. Sits in chair right of card table, facing Jenni. The three girls are in a “huddle.” Tom is standing center, bewildered, and trying to interrupt, without success.) But what makes you so sure that Tom will leave Lucy Lee on the road? Maybe they’ll really fall for each other! JENNI: In that case, it would serve them both right! What do you think? Do you think we could do it? JODIE: Let’s go over it again. You would teach him to play tennis. Right? JENNI: Yes, and Mollie would teach him to dance. JODIE: What about me? JENNI: You will teach him to flirt. JODIE: I will? JENNI: You will. JODIE: But what do I know about it? JENNI: You know what girls like, don’t you? It shouldn’t that difficult. MOLLIE: It’s for a good cause, Jodie. JODIE: (Doubtfully.) Well, I’ll try. JENNI: Good! Now— TOM: I hate to interrupt, but do I have anything to say about this? JENNI: Oh. I sort of forgot about you, Tom. Well, this is what you wanted, isn’t it?

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TOM: I—I guess so. JENNI: So you don’t have any objections, right? TOM: No, I guess not. JENNI: All right then, just do as you’re told. TOM: How long do you think this is going to take? JENNI: Oh, I don’t know—we should be able to do a pretty good job in a week if we really work at it. TOM: (Sits on sofa. Meekly.) I see. JENNI: So just don’t make any plans till after that, because we’ll need you every minute. MOLLIE: Hey, I just thought! This is going to tie us up, too, Jenni! When are Jodie and I going to see Bruce and Harry? JODIE: Never, if we don’t eliminate the opposition. No, Mollie, we may as well devote our time to Tom for a week. I don’t think we’re going to see much of Bruce or Harry as long as Lucy Lee’s around. MOLLIE: True, but I should probably spend some time with the enemy. After all, she is my cousin. JODIE: Good point! And for this, we’ll have to stop speaking to you! JENNI: I think Lucy Lee will be just fine, Mollie, but if you really need to be with her, we’ll give you time off and Jodie and I will fill in for you. Now, does that take care of everything? MOLLIE: I think so. When do we start? JENNI: (Rising, crosses below girls to Tom.) Right now. MOLLIE: You know it seems like an awful dirty trick—throwing Tom to the lions this way. JODIE: You forgot that Tom likes lions. TOM: Look, I appreciate what you’re doing, but you’re talking about Lucy Lee like she’s a vampire or something. JODIE: Personally, I think she eats little boys like you for breakfast, Tom. TOM: Well, I can’t let you talk about her like that. She’s different, maybe you just don’t understand her— JENNI: (Going above sofa.) The heck we don’t! TOM: And of course, she’s beautiful, other girls are bound to resent her a little— JENNI: Jodie, you’re going to have to take the “B” word out of his vocabulary. TOM: Even so, you sound so—so— MOLLIE: Catty?

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TOM: Well—yes! After all, she can’t help it that she’s so beautiful. JENNI: Uh-hem. JODIE: I know, and we really feel for her. It must be awful to be that beautiful. JENNI: (Leaning over back of sofa to Tom.) Tom, we’ll try to be purely business-like about this. We’ll do our best not to be catty about Lucy Lee and you promise to devote all your time to us. Is it a deal? TOM: Okay, it’s a deal. (Jenni puts out her hand and they shake on it.) But you’ve got your work cut out for you. JODIE: (Rises, crossing to Tom, sitting on his right, rubbing her hands, together.) Move over, Bruce and Harry—Stonewall Jackson has begun to march! JENNI: (Confidently.) Bruce and Harry don’t stand a chance. MOLLIE: (She smiles sweetly at Tom.) With that little breath of the old south— JENNI: Mollie, we promised Tom. MOLLIE: But she is rather small—and she does come from the south— JODIE: (Under her breath.) I wish she’d go back there! JENNI: Well, she won’t for a while, and if you want Bruce and Harry back— MOLLIE: We’re going to have to work awfully fast! Okay, we’re off! Tom sit over here (Indicating chair left of card table.) and write down all of your clothes. You know—shirts, sweaters, vests, jeans, khakis, loafers, like that. (Tom dubious, crosses to chair indicated and sits slowly.) JENNI: (Rising, crossing above card table to bookcase.) I’ll get a pencil and paper. (She finds them on the shelves.) Here, Tom. (She sits on chair center above card table.) TOM: (Taking them.) Thanks. I’m supposed to write down everything I own? MOLLIE: Well, you can leave out the pajamas and other unmentionables. We’ll let you choose those yourself. (Tom writes busily, occasionally stopping to chew the pencil for inspiration. Turns away from table, facing front, holds writing pad on knee.) Now, as soon as he’s through I’ll give him a dancing lesson, and then you can have him for half an hour, Jodie, for flirting class. JENNI: After supper I’ll play tennis with him, and then he better have another dancing lesson. We’re going to have to cram things in.

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MOLLIE: (Going to records on shelves down right.) May I pick out some music, Jenni? JENNI: Sure. JODIE: Here, I’ll move the puzzle. (She slides the table holding the puzzle into corner above bookcase. Jenni gets up and moves two chairs at card table. Tom, thinking, moves to window up center. Jenni moves third chair near table.) MOLLIE: (As she looks through the records.) Almost finished Tom? TOM: (Sitting on bench below window.) Should I put down both of my suit jackets? MOLLIE: Oh, my sainted aunt! You have two? TOM: Yeah. A black one and a gray one. MOLLIE: And I bet you’ve never worn either. Just lump the whole beautiful mess under “Evening Clothes, Assorted.” TOM: That about does it, then. (He hands the list to Mollie.) MOLLIE: (Giving list to Jenni.) Here, pick out the Uniform of The Day while we go to Lesson 1 in the Light Fantastic. JENNI: (Taking list and glancing at it.) Good heavens! He has more clothes than Brooks Brothers. JODIE: I’ll man the record player. (She goes to it and puts a record on. It is suggested that a small “45” be used, thus it can be placed on the bookcase and it is appropriate of the era. Or a portable can be used, and placed on floor.) MOLLIE: (Pulling Tom to his feet.) All right, Tom, here we go. TOM: What do I do first? MOLLIE: Put your arm around me. TOM: But— MOLLIE: Tom, this is no time to quibble! Put your arm around me! TOM: (Doing so, awkwardly and reluctantly.) Like this? MOLLIE: Well, that will do. Maybe you’ll warm up as we go along. Just remember, I’m tougher than Lucy Lee. I won’t break. Now— we’ll start with the good old box-step. Step forward on your left foot—that’s right, now to the right with your right foot—shift your weight, now back with the right foot. Now to the left with your left foot. That’s it—again. Relax, Tom—listen to the music. That’s right—you’re doing fine. Don’t stop— (They continue dancing, Tom getting a little smoother and easier as they go on.) JENNI: (Writing on a little piece of paper.) Jodie, look. (Crossing left to sofa.) Do you think this outfit will work for tennis? (Jodie has

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retreated to a far corner up left where she stands grimacing coyly and mumbling to herself.) Jodie! What are you doing? JODIE: Oh—I was flirting. Sorry, what did you say? JENNI: How about this outfit for Tom . . . for tennis lessons. JODIE: (Looking at what Jenni has written.) That sounds good. (She lifts her head suddenly as the unmistakable gurgle of Lucy Lee’s laugh is heard.) Hey! They’re back! MOLLIE: (Firmly.) Don’t panic, Tom, you’re doing fine. Hold me a little tighter. That’s right—listen to the music—

There is the sound of the front door closing.

JODIE: Here comes Pocahontas with her scalps. LUCY: (Appearing in the doorway.) We all just had the loveliest ride—why, Stonewall! You told me you didn’t dance! MOLLIE: (Over her shoulder.) Oh, Tom was just teasing you! He loves to dance, don’t you, Tom? TOM: Uh— JENNI: (Coming down center below sofa.) He especially likes to dance with Mollie. Tom says she’s the lightest thing on two feet.

Tom throws an agonized glance at Jenni, but Mollie neatly turns him the other way as they continue dancing.

JODIE: (Coming down left near sofa.) You weren’t gone very long, Bruce, what happened? Is our town that small? BRUCE: (Inside door.) Well, we—fact is—we ran out of gas. JODIE: (Smothering a burst of laughter.) But you got some more? You had plenty of money with you, of course. BRUCE: Well—I— LUCY: (Sitting on sofa, conveniently in center, leaving space for “other” on either side.) Poor Bruce left his wallet at home and so did Harry! Isn’t that just a scream? And I didn’t even bring my little old pocketbook this afternoon— MOLLIE: (As she and Tom stop dancing and wander over to the others.) So what did you do? LUCY: Well, we just left that sweet little old car where it was and walked back.

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HARRY: (Who has entered and gone above sofa, to bench window.) We were going to walk around town a little, but Lucy Lee gets tired so easily that we decided not to. BRUCE: Lucy Lee, here’s a cushion—you look so fragile and tired. (Hands her cushion, which she puts behind her head with a sigh of appreciation.) LUCY: Thank you, Bruce. You’re just so kind. BRUCE: Would you like a drink of water—or—or something? LUCY: Oh, don’t bother yourself, Bruce, I’ll be just fine. BRUCE: Oh, it’s no bother, Lucy Lee. I’ll get you one. (He exits up right.) JODIE: Tom, since Lucy Lee’s sort of tired after all her exercise, why don’t you just run home and get your car and then you could drive her back to Mollie’s. Wouldn’t that be a good idea? TOM: (Starts below sofa, toward door down left.) Why—uh—sure. I’ll do that. LUCY: Oh, Stonewall, you mustn’t go to all that trouble for little old me. TOM: (Turning to Lucy Lee from down left end of sofa.) Oh, it’s no trouble at all, Lucy Lee—I—I’ll be right back. JENNI: (Hurrying above sofa, meeting Tom near door down left, surreptitiously slipping into his hand the note telling him what to wear.) And Tom, while you’re home, you might as well change— TOM: Change? Change what? JENNI: Oh, you silly boy! Did you forget we’re playing tennis later? TOM: Oh. Oh, yes. MOLLIE: And don’t forget, after tennis we have a dancing date, Tom. I’m looking forward to it so much. TOM: You are? JODIE: And you promised me some time this afternoon too, Tom. But if you’re busy I can wait until tonight. LUCY: My, you are a popular boy, Stonewall! Maybe I should make some time for you, too. TOM: (Eagerly.) Would you? JENNI: (Interrupting smoothly.) Now, Tom, you know you’re just as busy as can be right now. MOLLIE: (From down right.) But he might be able to make some time for you later in the week, Lucy Lee. TOM: I—I’ll sure try.

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JODIE: You better go get your car, Tom. I’m sure Lucy Lee would like to get home so she can rest a while. (She sits in chair down left.) TOM: Okay. Sure. I’ll be right back, it’s only around the corner. (He starts off.) JENNI: And don’t forget to change, Tom. TOM: Okay. JENNI: (Calling after him.) And bring your tennis racquet. (Crosses to bookcase, sorts and puts away records.) TOM: I will. (He’s gone.) HARRY: (Completely mystified.) You’re going dancing with Tom tonight, Mollie? MOLLIE: (Crossing up center to Harry, coyly.) Why yes, I am, Harry. Is that all right? HARRY: Why, sure—I guess so. Only I thought— MOLLIE: Of course, Harry, if you would like to come over for a while early in the evening I could see you then. While Jenni and Tom are playing tennis. HARRY: (Looking hopefully at Lucy Lee.) You’ll be at Mollie’s too this evening, won’t you, Lucy Lee? LUCY: Of course I will, Harry— MOLLIE: (Going to sofa, standing close to Lucy Lee.) Well, as a matter of fact she won’t, Harry. Er—as a matter of fact—(With a sudden burst of inspiration.) Mom and Dad are taking her to meet some of their friends. LUCY: They are? They didn’t mention it to me. MOLLIE: No—they—er—they thought of it later. They wanted me to tell you. LUCY: (Trapped.) Oh. Well, if dear Aunt Jane and Uncle Bill want me to go somewhere with them, of course I’ll have to. I mean I’d like to. HARRY: Yeah. I see.

Bruce returns with a glass of water, right. Mollie crosses to chair down right exchanging an “all’s well” glance with Jenni. Helps with records.

BRUCE: I hope it’s cold enough for you, Lucy Lee. I let it run a while.

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LUCY: (Taking the glass.) Oh, thank you so much, Bruce. My, you boys do take such good care of me. I’m sorry to be such a nuisance. BRUCE: (Sitting on sofa, RIGHT of Lucy Lee.) Gosh, you’re not a nuisance, Lucy Lee. LUCY: Has Tom got a quaint little old car like yours, Bruce? I do think it’s just the sweetest thing! MOLLIE: No, Tom just has a plain old Cadillac. LUCY: He does? My! Imagine that! BRUCE: Well, actually it’s his father’s— JODIE: (Quickly.) --actually, it was his father’s idea to give Tom a good solid car. You know, one that is mechanically dependable. MOLLIE: (Sweetly.) One that doesn’t run out of gas. (Rises, crossing up center to window.) BRUCE: Hey— JODIE: (Rising, crosses to sofa, sitting on arm left of Lucy Lee.) Oh, Bruce, I meant to tell you, I’m afraid I won’t be able to see you tonight after all. BRUCE: Oh. Did we have a date? JODIE: Don’t you remember, you silly boy? We decided not to go to any of the fancy restaurants or theatres tonight—we thought we’d just stay home. BRUCE: Oh—yeah. JODIE: But I’m afraid I promised Tom to see him for a while. BRUCE: Tom? You have a date with Tom? Say, what’s going on? JODIE: Oh, we’re just having a little flirtation. JENNI: You mustn’t worry, Bruce. I don’t really think it’s serious. (She gets her tennis racquet from a shelf and a couple of balls.) I’ll try not to keep Tom too long, Jodie. (She bounces the balls on her racquet.) JODIE: (Generously.) Oh, that’s all right, Jenni. I know you’re looking forward to this evening, too. LUCY: I must have misjudged that funny Stonewall. He seems to be a real beau. HARRY: (Rising, coming down center.) Say, what’s happening around here anyway? JENNI: (Wide-eyed.) Happening? Whatever do you mean? HARRY: Why, everyone has dates with Tom. Dates to go dancing, dates to play tennis, and dates to—to— JODIE: (Looking coquettishly at Bruce.) Just flirt—

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BRUCE: Yeah! There’s something funny going on. I don’t get it. MOLLIE: (At the window.) Here’s Tom, Lucy Lee. He’ll take us home now. LUCY: All right. (She rises, hurrying to window.) Oh, what a precious car! I’ll go right along. (Notices Mollie following.) Oh, are you coming too, Mollie? MOLLIE: May I? (Dryly.) It’s my house he’s going to, you know. LUCY: Why, of course—I only meant— BRUCE: Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, won’t I, Lucy Lee? LUCY: (Leaning over sofa, patting his cheek.) Why, of co’se, Bruce honey— MOLLIE: (Above sofa, ushering Lucy Lee to door down left.) That is, if Lucy Lee isn’t too, too tired. She’s so delicate, you know. I thought it might be better if she rested in bed all day tomorrow. LUCY: (Turning helplessly to others.) Oh, Mollie, I’m all right— MOLLIE: I know, Lucy Lee, you’re so brave, but I just couldn’t bear to have you exert yourself too much. LUCY: (Inwardly fuming.) Well, you might drop in, Bruce, and you too, Harry— MOLLIE: Better telephone first and be sure she’s up. Come along, Lucy Lee. HARRY: (Crossing left below sofa, near Mollie.) I sure wish I knew what was going on around here. I just don’t understand it! MOLLIE: (Duplicating Lucy’s patting of the cheek, and assuming a thick Southern accent.) Of co’se you don’t understand it, Harry sugah. We all is just fightin’ fiah with fiah!

She leads Lucy Lee off by the hand as the two boys stand bewildered and Jodie and Jenni solemnly shake hands. CURTAIN. ACT TWO

The time is late morning five days later. Scene is the same, except that the puzzle has been put away and the card table folded up and set against the wall, the chair down right is pulled toward center. Tom is sprawled in this chair, looking exhausted. The phonograph is playing some very quick, spirited music. Mollie stands right of Tom, snapping her fingers rhythmically, doing a dance step.

MOLLIE: Come on, lazybones, up and at ’em! TOM: (Groaning.) Oh no!

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MOLLIE: Oh yes! Remember, Lucy Lee’s only here for a month— so—you can’t afford to lose time. TOM: But I’ve been playing tennis with Jenni since eight o’clock this morning! MOLLIE: (Unsympathetically.) It’s good for you! (Dances around chair to center.) TOM: Eight o’clock! During vacation! It’s inhuman. MOLLIE: Best time of the day. TOM: Just go away and let me be. MOLLIE: (Comes left of Tom, taking his arm. He pulls away.) Not on your life. We promised to turn you into a man of the world—a real gallant Southern gentleman. And by gads, we’re going to do it. You’ve accomplished a lot this week. TOM: This week! How did I ever live through it? Fifteen hours of tennis, twelve hours of dancing, six and a half hours of—of— MOLLIE: Flirting? TOM: Yeah. And only ten minutes with Lucy Lee. MOLLIE: (Dramatically.) We want you to burst upon her in all your perfection—like a—a—skyrocket! TOM: I won’t even be able to fizzle, let alone burst. (He puts his head back.) MOLLIE: (Behind Tom, gazing from above down into his eyes.) Where is the old school spirit? The spirit that built empires and won wars? Are you man or mouse? TOM: (Unhesitatingly.) Mouse, squeak, squeak. MOLLIE: (Coming around left of Tom.) Dancing lessons, Tom, and then if you’re really good, I’ll let you see Lucy Lee for a little while. TOM: (Sitting up.) She’s coming here? MOLLIE: Later. TOM: What’s she doing? MOLLIE: Right now? She went swimming with Bruce and Harry. By the way, do you swim? TOM: (Very quickly and firmly.) Yes, I swim! And even if I sank like a rock, there aren’t enough hours in the day for swimming lessons. MOLLIE: Oh, swimming at night is wonderful! TOM: (Accusingly.) You’re laughing at me! MOLLIE: Yep. Now come—hear the pretty music? That’s the cha- cha. Doesn’t it just make your feet itch? TOM: My feet are too tired to itch. Couldn’t I learn something nice and slow?

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MOLLIE: (Going to bookcase right.) Oh, all right. How about a tango? That’s a nice romantic dance. There’s a good tango record here somewhere. (She starts looking through the records.) TOM: How come Harry didn’t take you swimming, too? MOLLIE: My dear, good, innocent Tom? Sometimes you make me feel like a heel. TOM: Why? MOLLIE: Because you’re such a babe in the woods and here we are turning you loose in a forest. Deliberately. TOM: I don’t get it. What are you talking about? MOLLIE: Never mind. Here’s the record. (She puts it on the player.) TOM: But didn’t Harry ask you to go? MOLLIE: Well, actually he did mention it on his way out the door. TOM: Why didn’t you go? MOLLIE: I told him I had a date with you. TOM: A date? But this isn’t a date. MOLLIE: I know it isn’t. And you know it isn’t. But Harry doesn’t know it isn’t. Now come on and don’t ask any more questions. (She holds out her hands to him and pulls him out of the chair.) TOM: (Groaning as he gets up.) Ooh! I never knew I had so many muscles. (As he rises we see that already a great change has taken place. His clothes are well-chosen and fresh. His hair is neatly combed. He stands much straighter and seems to have gained a certain assurance. He takes Mollie into his arms much more confidently than during the first lesson. As she puts her hand on his shoulder, he winces.) Ow! MOLLIE: Now what? TOM: Sunburn. Jenni says I ought to get a tan, so I played without my shirt. MOLLIE: (Laughing.) Poor Tom! Such suffering for a woman! TOM: Sometimes I get the idea that it isn’t worth it. Not even for Lucy Lee. What do I do with my feet? MOLLIE: Step way forward on your left foot—that’s right—now, to the side with your right foot, now pull the left one up to it very slowly—very, very slowly—that’s better—good! Now, again! TOM: You mean this is all there is to it? The big romantic tango? Isn’t this what Rudolph Valentino used to slay them with? MOLLIE: This is it. Oh, there are some fancy variations—we’ll get to those later, pull that foot up sl-ow-ly! You know, Tom, I can’t

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imagine why you never danced before. You’re a natural. You’re not as scared of girls as you used to be either, are you? TOM: It’s all this feminine attention I’ve been getting. It’s gone to my head. MOLLIE: Good! Look at your partner when you dance. Look right at her . . . and smile! You’re supposed to be enjoying yourself. TOM: As a matter of fact, I am. (He grins at her.) MOLLIE: I said smile—not laugh out loud. I’m not that funny-looking. TOM: You’re darned attractive and you know it. MOLLIE: My! Jodie must be a good teacher. TOM: That was my line. MOLLIE: I didn’t think you could see anyone except Lucy Lee. TOM: She’s so lovely! MOLLIE: Tom, when you’re dancing with one girl you’re not supposed to sigh over another one. TOM: But Mollie, you know how I feel about Lucy Lee—she’s the reason I’m doing all this. You know that. MOLLIE: Sure I do, but you don’t need to rub it in. You might at least let me think that you like being with me. TOM: I do. MOLLIE: Then look at me—as though you enjoyed it. That’s better.

Outside the window Harry’s face appears. The two dancers don’t see him—they are smiling into each other’s eyes. He watches a moment and then his face disappears.

TOM: What’s Lucy Lee doing this afternoon? MOLLIE: There you go again, thinking about Lucy Lee! I don’t know what she’s doing. Why? TOM: I thought maybe she’d go for a ride with me. I don’t know why, but she seems to like my car, my Dad’s car, I mean. MOLLIE: (Acidly.) Oh, she’s a very democratic girl—she’ll ride in a plain old Cadillac any time. TOM: Even with me. MOLLIE: She doesn’t deserve you. TOM: Oh, Mollie, don’t say that! Why—she’s lovely; she’s beautiful! She could have any boy she wanted! What eyes, and hair—such a lovely voice—so graceful and charming and sweet!

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Harry enters down left just in time to hear the last few words, and assumes that Tom is speaking to Mollie.

HARRY: (With a definite chill in his voice.) Hello, Mollie. MOLLIE: Now there’s a familiar face—who can it be? Oh—Harry! Hello. What are you doing here? I thought you went swimming with Lucy Lee. (She and Tom stop dancing and Tom turns off the record player. Mollie and Harry meet down left of sofa.) HARRY: Well—I—I changed my mind. TOM: Hello, Harry. HARRY: (Even colder.) Hello. MOLLIE: Didn’t Lucy Lee go at all? HARRY: Oh yes, she went. She went with Bruce. MOLLIE: Oh, I’m glad. I’d hate to think of her sitting home alone. HARRY: Especially while you’re over here—enjoying yourself. MOLLIE: Did we look happy? Oh, good. (Going toward center.) See, Tom? Harry thought we looked happy. TOM: Well, it wasn’t half bad, really. MOLLIE: (With a grin.) Well, thank you! The gallant Mr. Jackson. (Saying gal-lant.) TOM: Where’s Jenni, do you know? MOLLIE: In the kitchen I think, foraging for food. This early morning exercise makes her hungry. TOM: I’m starved too. Maybe I can help her. Excuse me, will you? (Exits up right.) MOLLIE: All right, but bring me something. Don’t be pigs. (Sitting down on chair down right and obviously enjoying herself.) I’m only just beginning to realize how nice Tom is. HARRY: (Thoroughly out of sorts.) Obviously. Apparently, he thinks you’re rather wonderful, too. MOLLIE: Perhaps he does. I hope so. HARRY: He was certainly saying all sorts of fascinating things to you when I walked in. (He saunters toward Mollie, awkwardly.) MOLLIE: Oh? (Pleasant, but thoroughly enjoying this.) HARRY: And when I just happened to look in the window as I walked by you were both so enthralled with each other that you didn’t even notice me. MOLLIE: Imagine that! HARRY: You were dancing together, gazing into each other’s eyes— I thought Tom didn’t dance.

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MOLLIE: Did he say that? Oh, he was just being modest. He’s a very good dancer. HARRY: (Suddenly blowing up.) Look here, Mollie Farrell, I don’t know what you think you’re doing—spending all this time with Tom all of a sudden, but I thought we were supposed to be going together! MOLLIE: Actually, I did too, Harry. But then when I saw how you went into a tailspin over Lucy Lee, I decided I must be wrong. HARRY: (Going up center, near window.) For heavens sake! Just because I saw her a few times— MOLLIE: (Trying to control her fire.) Every waking moment for the past five days— HARRY: (By window, gazing out center.) And called her up once or twice— MOLLIE: Every second that you weren’t with her, you were talking to her on the phone— HARRY: (Coming down center toward Mollie.) And happened to take her flowers last night— MOLLIE: Flowers, how lovely. HARRY: (Wishing he hadn’t mentioned that.) Oh. Well, they were just some from our garden. I didn’t buy them for her. (Going left center near sofa.) MOLLIE: The closest you ever came to bringing me flowers was a red paper one on Poppy Day! HARRY: (Turning to Mollie.) You have a lot of nerve getting mad at me for hanging out with your cousin when you’re spending all afternoon canoodling with Tom Jackson! Besides, I thought you wanted me to be nice to Lucy Lee. MOLLIE: (Rising, crossing to Harry, storming mad.) Well, I didn’t mean you needed to lie down and be a doormat for her! It’s positively sickening to see the way you and Bruce trip all over her. HARRY: You’re just jealous!

In the following scene, the two voices rise to a crescendo.

MOLLIE: Jealous! Whatever gave you that idea? I just hate to see you make such a fool of yourself. HARRY: Every time I try to find you, you’re off bunny-hopping with Tom Jackson.

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MOLLIE: I like to dance. (Flits haughtily a few steps away from him, RIGHT.) And I didn’t know you were looking for me. HARRY: If you think Tom is just seeing you, you’re crazy! I happen to know that he’s been spending hours playing tennis with Jenni, and I’ve seen him flirting with Jodie, too. MOLLIE: (Hiding a grin.) You don’t say! HARRY: I do say! It’s not like he’s from out of town or something. He’s been right here all along and nobody ever paid much attention to him. MOLLIE: Maybe he’s coming into his own. Maybe we’re just finding out how attractive he is. HARRY: I think you’re just keeping him away from Lucy Lee. She was hoping he would stop in to see her, but apparently you and Jenni and Jodie have him wrapped around your little pinkie fingers. MOLLIE: Poor Lucy Lee! Well, maybe we’ll give her a chance with Tom. We’ll be generous. HARRY: (Oozing sarcasm.) That’s real kind of you, Mollie. MOLLIE: I think so. After all, you don’t know how attracive, kind, romantic, attractive― HARRY: You already said that. MOLLIE: Oh. HARRY: (Crossing RIGHT, practically shouting at Mollie.) You can have him, that’s all I’ve got to say. You just stick to your precious Tom Jackson if that’s what you want, but don’t think for one minute that it’s exclusive. And don’t call me when he ditches you for somebody else. Because I won’t be there! (Whirling around and flouncing to door down left.) MOLLIE: (A note of alarm in her voice, she turns, goes center toward Harry.) Where will you be, Harry? HARRY: I’ll be with Lucy Lee! That’s where I’ll be. She appreciates me! MOLLIE: Harry—

Jodie appears UP RIGHT carrying a plate of sandwiches.

JODIE: Hi Harry, going somewhere? HARRY: Yes. Out. JODIE: Have a sandwich before you go?

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