To Be Fully Herself

TO BE FULLY HERSELF: Autobiographies of Trauma, Flow, and Resilience in Knitting Literature (Knit Lit) Sharyn Kaesehagen BA (Professional and Creative Communication)—UNISA BA Honours (Creative Writing) (1st class)—University of Adelaide Supervisors Professor Kate Douglas Dr Steve Evans (Retired) Dr Threasa Meads (Adjunct) Dr Kylie Cardell Flinders University College of Humanities, Arts and Social Sciences Date of completion: 5 September, 2018 A thesis submitted for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy Table of Contents Declaration iii Acknowledgements iv Abstract vi Introduction: A Poetics of Words & Stitches viii Chapter 1: Charting the Fabric of Knit Lit 1 Chapter 2: The Autobiographical Turn in Knit Lit 11 Chapter 3: Trauma, Flow, and Resilience in Knit Lit 20 Section A 21 Section B 34 Chapter 4: ‘To be fully herself’ 67 Part 1: Old Stradbroke 69 First Stiches 70 Hard Times 80 Part 2: Norse Yearning 85 Shadow Maiden 86 Dropped Stitches 92 Solitaire 104 Jessie & Stella 121 Oslo 128 Interregnum 134 Part 3: North Again 140 What If? 141 To England 152 Wooden Drawers 155 Beatrix Potter 161 Shetland Museum 169 Jamieson & Smith 183 The Böd of Gremista 193 Fair Isle 207 ‘Moose Wifey’ 225 Mary Queen of Scots 228 Ashgrove House B&B 236 Jean Moss Knitting Tour 239 Inis-óirr 248 Part 4: Home 253 Betty Mouat 254 Cynthie 262 i BMC Lace Wrap—1 268 BMC Lace Wrap—2 273 Reading Knit Lit 276 Wool Brokers Socks 281 Memory 288 Frida Kahlo 294 The Flying Koala 298 Chapter 5: Conclusions 303 Bibliography 312 ii Declaration I certify that this thesis does not incorporate, without acknowledgement, any material previously submitted for a degree or diploma in any university, and that to the best of my knowledge and belief it does not include any material previously published or written by another person except where reference is given in the text. Sharyn Kaesehagen Dec, 2017 iii Acknowledgements I sincerely thank my primary supervisor, Professor Kate Douglas, for her continuous belief that I could conquer this peak, for her many words of practical wisdom, and for the stamina she required for the extended, rollercoaster ride that has been this doctoral journey. Heartfelt thanks to my adjunct supervisor Dr Threasa Meads for in depth critique of this thesis, both the exegesis and the memoir, and the empathy offered by a kindred spirit and survivor. I acknowledge Dr Steve Evan’s astute questions and support before his retirement and Dr Kylie Cardell’s willingness to assist if needed. I acknowledge a fee offset from the Australian Government Research Training Program Scholarship. I am grateful for the funding received from Flinders University: A three-and a-half-year Flinders University Research Scholarship (FURS); a Flinders University Overseas Research Trip Grant; and a Grant from the Faculty of English, Theology, Humanities and Law to attend a six-week residential International Summer School at Oslo University. I further thank Flinders University for the fee waiver grant that allowed me to finish despite the challenges of alternative abilities. In part, it has been a sense of obligation for this generous support that has kept me re-engaging. This project was completed in compliance with Flinders University Social and Behavioural Ethics Committee, project number 5819. Thanks to all the peers who have enriched my journey and research. They are too numerous to name individually without the risk of omitting some. I acknowledge the support of the Dean and staff of the Office of Graduate Research, and also staff of the Central Library, and College of HASS. iv I thank the health professionals who have underpinned my well- being. Lastly, but first, I thank my family and friends: I couldn’t have survived without them. v Abstract Knit Lit Autobiographies of trauma, flow, and resilience are categorised as nonfiction knitting literature: a field dominated by US author/knitters. While knitting literature is a valuable resource for interdisciplinary knitting scholarship, it is often absent as an inquiry subject. This thesis seeks to address this gap. In this creative doctoral thesis, as an original contribution to knowledge, the critical exegesis defines autobiographical Knit Lit situating it within the broader context of autobiography, and further asks the question: Do these Knit Lit autobiographies—from 1998 to 2017—position knitting as a source of flow that acts as a positive catalyst for the growth of resilience after traumatic events? As a result of practice-led research the project includes ‘To be fully herself’, an original creative writing manuscript—a South Australian Knit Lit memoir of posttraumatic growth after multiple adverse experiences, including childhood trauma in the 1950s. The memoir gains texture from immersion research of knitting traditions. The choice of Norway as a site of inquiry was inspired by a Norwegian folk tale’s characters that were imaginary companions in childhood. Ethics-approved research trips and interviews to England, Scotland, including The Shetland Islands, and Ireland, especially The Aran Islands, inform the project. Collectively, the study finds that the majority of these autobiographies do position knitting, in part, as a source of flow that acts as a positive catalyst for the growth of resilience after traumatic events. It offers literary evidence of therapeutic benefit from knitting to the field of interdisciplinary research, and presents models of the process. vi TO BE FULLY HERSELF: Autobiographies of Trauma, Flow, and Resilience in Knitting Literature (Knit Lit) To be free, to be fully herself, woman has to move from the deep inner places—from her emotional attitudes and beliefs outwards. She cannot transform herself, she cannot be truly free if she concentrates on the secondary outer problems—practical, economic, political problems. I feel that woman will only become truly liberated if each woman is brave enough and responsible enough to push deep into her own spirit—to grapple with her own inner being, to be proud enough, to feel herself meaningful enough to dare to be individual. Barbara 1 Hanrahan. 1 1 P. Hanley and National Library of Australia, Creative Lives: Personal Papers of Australian Writers and Artists (National Library of Australia, 2009), 172. vii Introduction: A Poetics of Words & Stitches Introduction In this creative writing doctoral thesis, as my original contribution to knowledge, I broadly define and contextualise knitting literature (Knit Lit) 2 and place it in an autobiographical context when discussing autobiographies of trauma, flow, and resilience in Knit Lit, between 1998 and 2017, thus filling a gap in the literature. My research contributes literary evidence to other interdisciplinary work, including clinical research, about knitting’s therapeutic attributes and practical applications. In particular, I argue that these autobiographical analogue texts in knitting literature position knitting as a source of flow that acts as a positive catalyst for the growth of resilience after traumatic events. Flow is understood as that still place where the outside world is totally excluded. Resilience can be seen as bouncing back to a previous state, or where one can grow beyond previous levels of ability to withstand life threatening or shocking traumas. My original creative manuscript contributes, as an exemplar, to this argument. It is a memoir in a regional voice—South Australian—in a subgenre dominated by the US. You will find that there is no quarantine between the exegetical and the creative components of my work—they bleed, each into the other, like dye on silk. So, too, my main aims coalesce, filtered through medicalised constructions of trauma, flow, and resilience in acts of self-representation. Firstly, through practice-led research and immersion memoir techniques, I process the writing of my own Knit Lit autobiographical3 narrative. Secondly, also through practice-led research in which 2 I will define and explain Knit Lit as an interchangeable contraction of ‘the literature of knitting’ or ‘knitting literature’ in Chapter 1 below. 3 Within this thesis, for reasons of clarity and in agreement with Kate Douglas I use autobiography, memoir and self-life writing interchangeably. Kate Douglas, Contesting Childhood: Autobiography, Trauma, and Memory (New Brunswick, New Jersey, and London: Rutgers University Press, 2010), 2. viii writing is critical thinking and orchestrates process, I read other Knit Lit autobiographies of trauma, flow, and resilience. And lastly, through stitching—both as methodological process and embodied product—I create knitted memory artefacts. 4 Driven by research curiosity, and a personal need to reflect upon the raison d’être of my life, underlying concepts of trauma, flow, and resilience infiltrate both the creative and critical products. The general focus of that curiosity is the interface between words, knitted stitches, and various traumas. I use them as building blocks; I harness my strengths—reading, writing, and stitching—to construct my thesis about Knit Lit autobiographies of trauma, flow, and resilience. When I began this project, I questioned whether this act would allow me to conquer the weaknesses, the legacies of multiple traumas. I hoped I would learn the skills necessary for the creative writing of an engaging monograph, a memoir, when the longest piece of work I’d written at that time was an Honour’s thesis of fifteen thousand words. I hoped I could master the interdisciplinary, theoretical dimensions that would result in a rigorous critical exegesis. And, I hoped I could promote reader engagement through describing knitted artisanal garments, and knitting traditions. Knit Lit and the Autobiographical ‘I’ Let me tell you more about the words and stitches one finds in knitting and the literature of knitting, and how that led me to this project. We first met sixty odd years ago and have been friendly ever since. Sometimes, we might lose touch for a while, but we always manage to catch up. Please, indulge me while I talk of our most recent reunion.

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