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Automated Systems Home Office Version AUTOMATED SYSTEMS "Dennis" Written by Joshua Turek (310)-883-8516 AUTOMATED SYSTEMS "Pilot" TEASER FADE IN: INT. HOME OFFICE Fluorescent lights flicker over DENNIS WONG, Chinese-American, in his 40’s, balding, wearing office attire in a standardized unit of home office living, with FOREARM CRUTCHES leaning nearby against his desk. He clicks on his screen and gazes at a livestream video of GENEVIEVE CARLSON, 47, white and frazzled, who sits at a home desk and picks up a telephone that hasn’t been ringing, font beneath her says HUMAN RESOURCES. GENEVIEVE Hello? Human Resources, hello? She glances around the bland room she is occupying. It appears to TREMOR, though it goes unacknowledged by her. GENEVIEVE Oh, um. Wrong number! That’s okay. No, that’s okay. She laughs nervously and hangs up the phone. Her eyes catch Dennis’s eyes on her own computer screen and she waves. He waves back, then clicks out of the screen. DENNIS (V.O.) I dream of summer love. Is that silly? To be a middle-aged man like me, yearning for golden wheat fields and our pairs of tan skin fawning over one another while glistening in the sun. Er. I want just one afternoon like that, before my line of work destroys what’s left of my mind. He speaks into a computer microphone that snakes out from the machine. DENNIS (into microphone) Tester five-two-zero, initiating Test A for American Eagle Cable & Internet Home Systems Customer Service. Picking up the home phone manually per test regulations. 2. He speaks off to the side. DENNIS Though a headset would do wonders for my god damn neck. His neck also has a faint red ring around the middle of it. He rubs his lower neck in discomfort, then he traces the different red ring around his middle neck sensually. He picks up the phone and dials. DENNIS (into the microphone) I like the 800 number. It has a nimble quality to the way my fingers dance while typing it swiftly into my phone. Very, satisfying. He listens. AUTOMATED SYSTEM (V.O.) Thank you for calling American Eagle Cable & Internet Home Systems Customer Service Hotline, for English please press one. DENNIS (into the microphone) No voice recognition option, notable in this day and age but not in a bad way. Recorded voice, pleasant in tone, efficiency in wording standard, as well as the elapsed time to first option. AUTOMATED SYSTEM (V.O.) For Mandarin press 4. Dennis presses the number 4. AUTOMATED SYSTEM (V.O.) (in Mandarin) If you are calling about your home internet system please press one. If you are calling about your home cable system please press two. If you are calling.. Dennis lets the phone lower. 3. DENNIS (into the microphone) Sometimes an automated system functions beautifully. I have high hopes for this one already, cuz it has a beating heart. Dennis wheels his chair back out of his desk to catch a glimpse of a few pictures of Genevieve which he keeps under his desk - accidentally taking the phone with him and tearing it out of its base as he does. AUTOMATED SYSTEM (in Mandarin) If you are calling to change your life, heal your soul, and stop the earthquake from destroying everyone in its path, please hang up and try your call again. His eyebrows raise. He writes down “try again” on his notepad, as he continues listening to the voice now on his speaker phone. A GLOW emanates from beneath a power strip under his desk, he looks at his computer screen and makes eye contact with a screensaver of the floating head of Genevieve, phone cord dangling and attached to nothing. He waves to her again as she floats upside down. FADE OUT. END OF TEASER 4. ACT ONE FADE IN: EXT. PLAYA VISTA APARTMENT BUILDING ARTIFICIAL LAWN - DAY Dennis walks with the assistance of forearm crutches upon artificial turf grass. He staggers across the square plot of green with a plastic grocery bag dangling from one of his hands also bearing his weight. From out of nowhere--his phone screen lights up. GENEVIEVE So what are you doing with your weekend? It’s a Facetime of Genevieve. DENNIS Genevieve. Hey! Oh, isn’t it only a Thursday? Genevieve smiles on her screen. GENEVIEVE I’m gonna renovate my kitchen. Well, not really renovate, just start looking at colors and stuff at Home Depot. Edward and I are still saving up for it. DENNIS That’s cool. I’ve heard kitchens and bathrooms are some of the-- A hummingbird catches the eye of Dennis. He distractedly follows it with his gaze. GENEVIEVE What? DENNIS A hummingbird. They are meaningful to me. It’s a long story. GENEVIEVE Do you need help carrying your lunch? I can send someone over to your place to help on the HelprApp. I know I’m not supposed to ask that cuz like obviously you have made it this far in your life without help but it just looks like it could be nice. 5. DENNIS I’ve made it this far with help actually. Yeah, you could def carry it if you were here but you’re not. GENEVIEVE Def? DENNIS Yeah like “definitely”. It’s how the kids talk these days. GENEVIEVE I never had kids. And I think I’m darn close to not ever having em. Menopause is right around the corner and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little more than preoccupied with solutions to calm the impending storm. He settles down onto one of the apartment buildings outdoor tables. DENNIS What kind of solutions? Genevieve, on the other side of his phone screen, takes out a bottle of pills and pops a couple. GENEVIEVE Herbal remedies. The hormones that doctors prescribe could give you cancer. So I don’t want to mess with em. But I also don’t want to dry up like a prune either. DENNIS I hear ya. GENEVIEVE How old are you? DENNIS 42. You? GENEVIEVE 47. DENNIS You don’t look a day over 37. 6. GENEVIEVE Thanks. I gotta run, cutting out early to meet Edward for something that I can’t talk about. DENNIS Ok, bye Genevieve. GENEVIEVE Later, Dennis Wong. She bounces out of his phone screen. Dennis watches her go, lowers his phone and looks up at the sky for a hummingbird that isn’t there anymore. DENNIS (V.O.) The average marriage in the United States of America lasts eight years. Genevieve has been married to Edward for six and a half. Now, assuming that the only thing that isn’t exceptional about her is-- Punched in his arm by a voice, shaken out of his reverie by ALBERT CORIANDER, 34, white, fun loving CEO of the company. ALBERT Dennis the menace. What’s up my friend? Dennis lifts up his phone to witness, Albert on Facetime. DENNIS Not much boss. ALBERT Come on don’t call me boss, that’s 90’s culture. Unless of course...you’re doing it ironically. Are you? DENNIS Maybe. ALBERT I like your style. Dude, you want a Naked juice? DENNIS Sure. 7. ALBERT I will ShamAmazon a bunch over then. These things have a ton of sugar but they’ve been proven to boost company morale by like, a lot of percents. So, how is everything? DENNIS Everything is good. I go to sleep sometimes and I hear the automated systems, like, in my dreams. ALBERT Hmm. Yeah. You talk to Langman about that? DENNIS Whose Langman? ALBERT He’s the company psychiatrist we just hired. DENNIS I wasn’t aware. ALBERT Oh yeah. I’ll make you an appointment, if you want. Anyway, I got a fortune 500 company with an impending IPO to nurture. Sayonara my friend! Albert hops onto a Hoverboard and we are watching from his POV as he starts to ride away, then abruptly he turns the lens back around on himself. ALBERT And when I say Sayonara, that’s the kind of thing I would say to any employee. Not just cuz you’re-- DENNIS Chinese? ALBERT No, not just cuz you’re my friend, Dennis. You are my friend, Dennis whether you know it or not yet, you are. See you ‘round Amigo! Albert wheels away, waving to another set of employees on multiple phone screens in front of his apparatus. 8. DENNIS Sayonara is Japanese. INT. DENNIS’S HOME OFFICE - AFTER LUNCH Dennis drinks a Diet Coke and picks up the phone. He initiates his computer, adjusts the microphone, then dials into his phone. Dennis speaks into the computer’s extended microphone. DENNIS How we exist thought to thought is how we stay sane. Having one connective idea to the next and - if not connective - than at least to be in the same ballpark, wearing the colors of the home team. He watches his words appear on the computer screen. DENNIS (into microphone again) Delete that. AUTOMATED SYSTEM (V.O.) Thank you for calling Kysna Insurance. Our office hours are nine am to five PM Central Mountain Time. If you would like to speak to a live operator during normal business hours then please call back. Dennis hits a hold button on his phone and speaks into the microphone. DENNIS Testing system 409KO with Computerized Male Voice, Caucasian American tonality, for Kysna Insurance. Found the wait time between entering the last four digits of my social security number and the following prompt to be abrupt, leaving minimal room for a slight amount of space to be desired.
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